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shimyereh · 5 years

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Review of Seattle Opera’s “Onegin”

My review of Tchaikovsky’s Onegin at Seattle Opera, 1/19 with Moore and Tepponen as Onegin and Tatyana. Under the cut, because this got a bit long. Warning: a little spoiler-tastic if you care about such things. (As much as I would say I go to the opera for the spectacle not the suspense, and as well as I know this opera in particular, there were some staging choices here that surprised me — and I liked being surprised by them.)

1. Mme. Larina and her daughters had a lovely warm family dynamic. I didn’t have a solid headcanon for what Mme. Larina looks like, but I do now. Tatyana and Olga were such sisters.

2. Filipyevna had an absolutely killer contralto voice. And a great laugh. She brought a lot of character to certain lines, like when listing off the kinds of fairytales she used to be able to tell, but has now forgotten. She had a great dynamic with Tatyana, and their scenes together were wonderfully endearing.

3. Olga and Lensky were so sweet together. He kept slipping her poems on little bits of paper. She stole his hat at one point and did a silly walk across the stage to sneak up behind him while he was busy singing of his love for her. The scene with the peasant girls near the end of Act I had the (usually offstage?) chorus onstage, circling around Lensky and Olga and tossing flower petals in the air — oh, my heart.

4. Lensky did not look like book!Lensky, but he was extremely compelling. He was young, earnest, and passionate in all the right ways, and had the perfect sort of light lyric voice for the part. Definitely one of the best opera!Lenskys I’ve seen, and one of the highlights of this production in particular. This is one of the things teenage!me would have cared about the most in deciding whether a production of this opera is Good. And current!me still cares a lot, and was very satisfied.

5. Onegin really is a bit of a cipher in the opera, isn’t he? I’m so used to engaging with book!Onegin, and listening to the opera out of order (because I know it so well), and I forget these things. Seeing it performed live forced me to experience it in a strictly linear fashion, and to be more aware of what is and isn’t depicted onstage. I always chuckle a bit at the part where he sings about his sick uncle: I see what you did there, Tchaikovsky — gotta get that iconic opening stanza in somehow. Today it really struck me how that’s basically the first impression he makes on Tatyana (and the audience). And it’s not a good first impression. (Amusingly, there’s a discarded stanza I translated just yesterday, from Ch.3, where Pushkin imagines a hypothetical critic who refuses to believe Tatyana could fall in love at first sight with Onegin like that: what could she possibly have seen in him, in his conversation? …If this is how their first conversation went, I’d be inclined to agree with the critic.) I like book!Onegin. I find him sympathetic, and I think you’re supposed to. But it’s harder to sympathize with opera!Onegin — at least, the way he was played in this production. We don’t get to see as much of what goes on inside his head, so he mostly just feels like a brooding outsider beyond what I can project onto him from my knowledge of the book.

6. Monsieur Triquet was a magician! He kept pulling things out of his sleeves while singing (scarves, bouquets, etc.). Tatyana looked humiliated, but the other ladies at the party were clearly enjoying it. Filipyevna was delighted to receive a color-changing scarf.

7. Most effective staging of the duel scene I’ve ever seen. I wouldn’t have thought the duel scene could surprise me at this point, but wow, did it ever. Both guns fire, and Onegin collapses. For a moment, I wondered if there had been a horrible props accident. But no — it was the staging, and he was wounded in the arm. Then Lensky falls, just silently topples facedown into the snow while Onegin is turned away, assessing his own injury. It was horrible, and perfect, and I’m still processing it. The thing is, I’ve always thought of Lensky’s death as a profoundly unoperatic death — it happens quickly, he doesn’t die in anyone’s arms, he doesn’t go out singing, and there isn’t even much space for other characters to react to it — the scene ends right there. If Pushkin’s novel is an anti-epic, then Tchaikovsky’s opera is somewhat of an anti-opera, and this is one of the key moments that define that for me. I don’t like it when productions add melodrama to Lensky’s death. This production managed to add to the tragedy without adding melodrama. Bravo. And then, in Act III, when Onegin sings the line about the blood-stained shade that drove him to abandon his country estate, he reflexively clutches at his arm.

8. Nice inclusion of an extra detail from the book: in the final scene, Tatyana has a stack of letters she’s received from Onegin. She throws them at him, one by one, while addressing him (that part’s not from the book, but it was very effective staging).

9. Have I talked about the set? It was the best set I’ve seen for a production of this opera, it hit all my personal sweet spots. Fantastic sense of open space — wide open field and steppe behind everything, exquisitely painted, almost grayscale. You could see that backdrop through the windows in indoor scenes. It became a blank brightness for the first scene of Act III (the ball in Petersburg), but in the second scene (the confrontation) the fields and steppes gradually came into focus again through the curtains as Tatyana and Onegin’s emotions intensified. It was like they were being transported back to the past. And then it faded to black at the very end, when Onegin was left alone with his despair. Walls came and went to create the different indoor spaces. Drifting curtains, scrims, half-light. A gentle, continuous light fall of snow catching the light during Lensky’s aria, almost like stars. The moonlight through Tatyana’s bedroom window felt very real. There were birch trees in the outdoor scenes, because of course there were.

10. Something cool this production added, which I really liked: an older Tatyana and Onegin silently looking back on their past selves. This was particularly at the start of each scene, but there were a few key moments mid-scene as well, like when a wall drew back to reveal older!Tatyana watching her younger self finish the fateful letter. Act I had older!Tatyana, while Acts II and III had older!Onegin — that’s a thematically interesting division. I hadn’t conceptualized the opera that way before, but I think it does make sense. It also made me realize I don’t currently have solid headcanons for what happens to Tatyana after the end of the novel. (I do have — well, not exactly headcanons, since they’re based on things I’ve read in memoirs and discarded materials — ideas about what happens to Onegin. But I have to think about where older!Onegin as depicted in this production would fit in relative to that.)

11. After each performance, there’s a post-show talk where audience members can stay for a discussion with some members of the cast and/or crew. Today we had Zaretsky and the Tech Director(?), with Tatyana joining later. The Tech Director had a lot of things to say about the pistols used in the duel scene. This is a collaborative production between a few different opera houses, and Seattle is not the first to host it. The previous iterations had apparently used stage pistols that gave a puff of smoke, while someone else fired a gun offstage for the sound. But Seattle’s Tech Director decided that was Not Cool Enough. So (if I caught this right) he acquired an actual pair of dueling pistols and redesigned them to fire pyrotechnics instead of bullets. Three different pyrotechnic effects in sequence, to be precise. (“I have a pyrotechnic license,” he emphasized.) And then he and Zaretsky had their own mock duel in front of the orchestra pit to give a VERY close-up demonstration. (We were all sitting in the first few rows.) They also went around and let audience members hold the pistols — heavier than I was expecting! Best post-show talk EVER.

#pushkin #eugene onegin #tchaikovsky #shimyereh reviews #opera tag

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bazypitchandsimonsnow · 6 years

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Winding London Roads

Rating: T

Genre: Fluff

Word count: 2955

Summary: Baz wants to ask Simon to move in with him. But he can never make things easy for himself. Based on "obstacle course" request.

Read on AO3

AN: I wasn't sure what "obastacle course" would mean fic wise. I considered doing Simon and Baz in a sort of Indiana Jones-esque scenario, but that ended up getting too long to write considering my school workload and still editing/posting my big bang. I may write it in the future but who tf knows with me. So enjoy this fluff :)

———————————————-

Baz

After all these years, I’ve realised Simon Snow isn’t going to die kissing me. He’s going to die while driving me.

“Aleister Crowley, Snow, watch out!” I yell. Simon just stops before we get hit by a lorry coming in the round about. It lets out a low, long honk at us. Simon glares at me across his shoulder.

“What the fuck Baz?” he snaps. “Don’t scare me like that!”

I glare right back. “Don’t get us hit by a lorry, then I won’t scare you.”

“I wasn’t going to hit it.” I don’t bother to argue. He’s obviously not going to budge.

This is a terrible idea. Absolutely horrendous. Snow has no business being behind the wheel, especially with me in the passenger seat. But he insisted on it. He’s got his learner’s permit and wants to drive as much as possible to learn. Which means he’s stubbornly decided to drive us to Crowley knows where for some sort of date. If we don’t die before then.

Simon pulls into the roundabout (without crashing us into anything, thank Merlin). He goes far too slow though, and we get many angry honks. It sounds like bloody New York City. But we make our way around eventually, Simon almost misses the exit of course.

“Why couldn't you practice driving some other time?” I ask. “Why must you practice in the middle of bloody London?”

“Because I’m taking you somewhere. And it’s a surprise.”

“You could’ve taken me on the tube.”

“Yeah, but I also need to practice driving in London. It’s where I’ll be driving when I have my full license.”

“No one drives in London, love.”

He turns onto a main street, packed to the bloody gills with regular cars and cabbies alike. Simon makes a grand, sweeping gesture over the windshield. “Then what are those, hm?”

He’s looking all smug and shit, and I just roll my eyes. “Idiots who are driving in London, and shall be for another twenty years at the rate we’re moving.”

Simon glares and sticks his tongue out at me, because he is truly a child at heart. I roll my eyes again and cross my arms.

Like I predict, we sit in traffic for quite awhile. I lean back on the headrest with my eyes closed. Simon probably assumes I’m just tired, which I am, but I’m also thinking. Thinking about something that’s been on my mind for quite awhile. But I’m not sure how to bring it up. Well, I know what I want to say. “Hey Snow, I know Bunce is leaving for America soon, and I know we also agreed we needed to have different roommates for awhile, but it’s been five years. So maybe, we could find our own flat.”

But every time I try to do it I lose my nerve. What if he doesn’t really want to stay in London? What if he still doesn’t feel ready to live with me again? What if he simply doesn’t want to? No reason, no explanation, he just doesn’t want to live with me again. All those possibilities fill my brain like a fog and the words die in my throat. I’m still such a coward sometimes.

Finally, we reach an intersection. “I know I don’t know where we’re going, but you should turn here, Snow. Get off the main drag.”

Simon snorts as he turns. “That sounds so American.”

“Blame Bunce’s boyfriend. His Americanisms are infecting me.”

“His name is Micah, and it’s not just you. I caught myself saying ‘fries’ yesterday instead of chips. Soon I’ll be wearing cargo shorts and an American flag tank top.”

“I will break up with you if you do that.”

We get to another intersection, and Simon turns so he can flash an absolutely shit eating grin at me. “I love you, too, Basilton.”

He says it so casually, because it is casual now. I used to keep track of every ‘I love you’ that came from Simon’s mouth, but after a year or so I lost count. Somehow, it became a simple truth that Simon Snow, former Chosen One and current insane motorist, loves me. I know this well. So why was it so damn hard to just ask the wonderful git to move in with me?

“How are the wonder couple?” I ask. “They’ve been so lovey dovey at your place it makes me want to sick up.”

“Like we’re ones to talk,” Snow chuckles, carefully driving down the narrow cobblestone road. “Pen says she’s getting payback for years of accidentally walking in on us.”

“For Crowley’s sake, that was one time.”

“Three times.”

“In five years!”

“She caught us snogging a lot.”

I scoff and roll my eyes. “Hardly a traumatizing event.”

“Yeah, but I bet she’ll be glad to not have to worry about that at all in America.”

He says it easily, just as easily he tells me he loves me. It’s another simple truth; Penelope Bunce is moving to America with her boyfriend, and Simon and I are staying here. There will be an ocean between Simon and his best friend. It was true, but it wasn’t easy.

I reach over and put a hand on his knee, squeezing it lightly. He doesn’t look down, but I don’t mind. We’ve spent lots of quiet tete a tetes talking about his feelings over this. If it’s easier for him not to acknowledge it now, while he’s trying to get onto a particularly busy London street, that’s fine.

“You know, funny thing,” Simon chuckles, still looking for an opening to turn, “Pen actually told me she’s going to miss you.”

My eyes get impossibly wide. We’ve faced down dragons and supervillain clones, but somehow that is the most improbable thing I’ve ever heard. “Seriously? Miss me? She bickers with me constantly.”

“Yeah, because you’re the only one who can keep up with her. She told me she’s going to miss all your smarty pants book talks. But don’t tell her I told you that. She doesn’t want to blow up your ego.”

I snort, but only to cover up my embarrassment. Bunce and I are friends, sure, but the fact that she’s actually going to miss me hits somewhere deep in my gut. Because, well, I will admit, I like our “smarty pants book talk” too. And I’m going to miss having them too.

“Oh Crowley,” I say quietly, the revelation washing over me, “I’m going to miss her too.”

Simon chuckles, sounding unusually smug. “Uh, yeah. You just figured that out?”

I would flick his smug, gorgeous face if he wasn’t driving. So I just roll my eyes. “Fuck off. I’m not good with feelings, you know that.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just rare that I know something that you don’t. Let me bask in that for moment.”

“Arsehole.”

“And you love me.”

I squeeze his knee again, holding for a tad longer. I’m still not superb at physical affection but this seems right. “I do, a lot.”

“Well, that’s good to know,” he teases. I love that we can tease each other about it. Because it’s so well established. I love him I want to spend my entire life with him. And first step would be living together. I wish I could just ask him. Maybe if I lead into it...

“So,” I say slowly, “Fiona has met someone.”

Simon perked up, partly from what I said and partly because the light suddenly turns red. The car jerks forward slightly. I knock my knees against the front, but it’s honestly better than getting into a fender bender.

“Oh really? Uh, drummer or travel blogger?” Simon asks, voice still a bit strained probably from our near accident.

I chuckle. “Actually, no. She’s a fellow vampire hunter, the first mage she’s dated in ages. And they’re very serious, I think.”

Simon makes a weird noise as drove ahead. What is going on in that beautiful head of his? “Well, that’s good. I sorta like Fiona by now. She deserves to be happy and all that shite. After all the stuff she went through.”

He’s talking weirdly. It’s not bad or good, just...weird. Like he’s holding himself back maybe. But he also sounds on edge. For someone usually so obvious he was being very closed off right now. “Uh, yeah. They’re good. You’ll probably meet her at the next horrible Grimm-Pitch Christmas dinner.”

“Looking forward to it,” he chirps.

I snort. “Sure you are.” I rub my hand up and down his rough denim. I find the feeling comforting. Well, I find everything involving Simon comforting, really. But this is particularly nice. “But yes, Fiona is very happy. She’s very in love. However, her girlfriend lives far up north.”

“Oh?”

“Yeah. And she’s pretty attached to the north. So, she’s thinking about...relocating.”

Simon made a sharp turn on to another side street. I’m forced closer to the window, letting me look around at the buildings. Huh, I don’t think I’m familiar with this part of London. Where is he taking me? “Oh, really?”

“Mhm. I know Fiona must really love her to get her to consider moving out of London. But it’s becoming a real possibility. She’s actually thinking of selling her flat.”

He makes another turn so sudden my head nearly bashed into the side. Is he going faster? “That’s really neat,” he says, voice strained.

What’s going on with him? Why is he going so fast? Why is he so nervous? Does it have something to do with Bunce? I hope not. He’s already stressing about that enough, I didn’t think it could get worse. I hold his leg tight. “Simon, love, are you-”

“We’re here!”

The car comes to a sudden, screeching halt. I nearly bash my head into the dashboard and my nails dig into Simon’s thigh. Once I’ve collected myself, I’m concerned about my suspension and tired.

“Snow,” I hiss, “what the fuck? Are you trying to kill me? Are you alright?”

“Sorry, love, sorry. Just almost missed it.”

“Missed what?”

Simon grins, teeth reflecting the light so he really is the sun. “Come out and see.”

Okay, that’s ominous. But he’s smiling so genuinely, and I love him, and I trust him. So despite my natural caution, I step out of my car with him.

“Ta-da!” Simon shouts, arms spread wide like a grand TV presenter. And I’m...confused.

“What is it?” I ask with genuine bewilderment.

Simon frowns almost pathetically. “What do you think it is, arsehole?”

“Uh...” I look around. We’re standing in front of a boxy World War Two era apartment building. It’s alright though. The grey cement isn’t too ugly, and it looks clean. The garden is lovely though. It’s lush with a veritable rainbow of lovely flowers. I know Simon has been getting into gardening. (His therapist told him to find something that made him happy. That turned out to be getting his hands dirty and pretty flowers.)

“The garden?” I say. “It’s very lovely. Yours is nicer though, love.”

Simon rolls his eyes and groans. “No, not the garden.” He shook his arms. “The building, Baz. I’m talking about the building.”

I look it over again. Has Simon taken a new interest in post 1945 architecture? “It’s a nice building, but I think I need some more context.”

“Right, right, sorry.” He steps forward and takes one of my hands in his. I have to stop myself from getting distracted by his warm, calloused fingers. “We’re here at this building because there’s an open flat here, and I think we should look at it. As somewhere we could live. Together.”

My eyes got incredibly, impossibly wide. My dead heart is roaring in my ears. He’s not joking. He’s smiling softly, holding my hand, absolutely nothing but genuine caring. I’m dumbstruck, just standing there looking at him. I can’t believe it.

“You...” I say softly, “you want to move in with me?”

“Yeah,” he chuckles, like it’s obvious.

“But, I thought we wanted different roommates...”

Simon looks surprised for a moment, eyes going wide. Then he bursts out in raucous laughter. He throws his head back, curls falling down his neck. I turn beat red and look at the ground.

“Fuck off,” I grumble.

Simon’s hand travels up my arm, stepping closer. I’m immediately comforted by his scent; brown and sweet, mixed with his shea butter shampoo. I would happily die with that smell in my nose.

“I’m sorry,” he cooed. “But Baz, that was five years ago. We were both freshly traumatized and still trying to figure out our relationship. But we’re better now, right?” I nod, because he’s right. We’re not perfect but we’re absolutely better. “Exactly. So since Penny is...going away soon, maybe we can try living together again. If you want to, that is. We don’t have to.”

I start nodding immediately. I don’t need to hesitate anymore, because he absolutely wants this as much as me. “No, I absolutely want to. I’ve, uh, actually been agonizing for ages over how to ask you, but I kept coming up with reasons not to.”

Simon giggles and takes my other hand. “You gotta get out of your own big head sometimes, love. It’s a fucking maze up there.”

“Yeah,” I sigh, “I know. But you seem to be able to navigate it. Or at least blow it to bits.”

“That’s my specialty,” he chirps. He tugs me towards the building, ascending one step. The sunlight makes his hair sparkle just like his smile. All my anxieties dull under that grin. Merlin, he’s incredible. “C’mon, let’s go.”

I follow him up the steps, squeezing his hand. “Absolutely.”

We go in, and the building manager takes up to the flat. It’s a nice place. There’s some furnishings, a queen sized bed, and a nice bathroom. Simon runs around looking at every room. He’s mumbling about how we could arrange furniture and where Bunce and Micah could stay when they visit. I ask the manager about money related things like rent and utilities and security deposit. It all seems reasonable enough. Though Simon did say there were other places. We should probably check them out first.

“Baz!” Simon yells. “There’s a balcony!”

I chuckle, shaking my head. “Excuse me,” I say to the building manager. He gives me a nod and a smile, a very gracious man.

I walk towards Simon’s voice. Just off the living room, he’s standing on a small balcony, hands holding the railing as he leans out. I would be more worried but his wings are still there even if they’re invisible. (He can’t really fly but he can certainly glide.) I stand next to him, putting an arm across his waist.

“Look at this view!” he says. “You can see half of London from here. Imagine it at night.”

He’s right, it’s gorgeous. The buildings both old and new are spread out before us. I can see Canary Wharf and a few of London’s castles too. There’s a lush green park with a dazzling fountain only a few blocks away. Even the Thames looks pretty from here. I smile and lean against him.

“It’s beautiful,” I whisper. “Though we’re going to look at other places too, love.”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. I’ve got a list on my phone. And just to be clear, we’re not looking at Fiona’s place.”

What? I look at him with resounding bewilderment. “Why would we look at Fiona’s place?”

Simon looks at me with just as much confusion. “Isn’t that what you were about to say before? Fiona’s moving, so you want us to take her place.” He frowns in some sort of determined annoyance. “But I don’t like it there. It’s too richy rich for me, and I, uh,” his cheeks go a bit red and he looks down at his feet, “sorta want us to get a new flat just for us, y’know? Something new that’s only our’s. I-It’s stupid, I know, I-”

“No no,” I say, pulling him closer, “it’s not stupid. I want somewhere for us too. And for the record, I wasn’t saying we should take Fiona’s place. The rent is insane, it is too richy rich, and the marijuana and nicotine smell have permeated the walls.”

“Yeah, exactly. I wanted to get here to show you to this place before you said something.”

“Hence why you drove like a madman?”

“...yes.”

I chuckle and lean my cheek on his soft hair. “Well, I was actually talking about Fiona to not so subtly bring up that I was going to be without a flat soon, so we should find one for ourselves. Though I did thoroughly enjoy fearing for my life.”

He kicks my ankle. “Fuck off.”

I press a kiss to his temple. “Never. You’d miss me too much.”

“Unfortunately, yes.” He puts his arm around my shoulder and presses closer. His warmth is almost infectious. “I’m looking forward to it though. Having our own place. That’s not a dorm room and we don’t avoid each other because we’re y’know, magical mortal enemies and shit.”

Crowley, who allowed this man to be so adorable? It’s criminal. I tilt his head up and kiss him softly. It’s slow, simple, filled with truths; I love Simon Snow, Simon Snow loves me, we both need new places to live, we want to live together again, and it’s going to be fantastic. Part of me is kicking myself for ever being worried. But a bigger part of me wants to keep kissing him. So I do just that, like I want to for the rest of our goddamn lives.

I can’t wait to start this new chapter.

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AN: So what was the real obstacle course? London's insane fucking roads, the conversation, or Baz's anxieties? Oooooo so many questions, I'm such a deep writer, ooooo. Jk jk, it's whatever you think it is. This fic is not that deep lol. After writing Black Swan, it was nice to write some simple fluff. It's a bit meandering and weird sure but was fun to write. Hope y'all enjoyed reading it. And thanks to the person who requested :)

I've got like three requests still sitting in my inbox and I'm gonna try to get those done as quickly as possible. Also, reminder, I'm not taking anymore fic requests rn but will most likely open them again in May after exams. School sucks ugh.

If you guys like this, feel free to check out my ongoing Swan Lake AU fic The Black Swan. Thanks for reading, see you guys again soon!

#carry on #snowbaz #simon snow #baz pitch #fluff #post canon #these boys can't communicate #mysnowbazfic

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darklightsworld · 5 years

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Unexpectedly long record of me diving into m/m novels, so the J key is your friend for skipping ^^,

I’m still not out of the Josh Lanyon m/m novels hell, and now I won’t rest till I read all her stuff - even though it takes a lot of time away from manga and anime actually ^^; She’s doing exactly what I miss in BL manga: crime and mystery. Tbh, if we had something like Shimizu Reiko’s Himitsu (or Joker Game for example), but with a real relationship and sex scenes instead of teasing, I would be the happiest BL fan ever... That was also the reason why I got Memento Scarlet recently, even though I’m not that big of a fan of Kusabi Keri - it was not bad, but just... not enough. Yeah, I know BL novels have more, I loved Aida Saki’s S series, but I don’t have time to read Japanese novels (which would take more time than English ones) and I want to have manga.

Anyway, it’s very interesting how I found my way to m/m novels. I’m not a fanfic reader. I like manga, and especially if it’s derivative works to manga and anime I want to have comics all the same. I tried Japanese BL novels, mostly things that were translated into English or German, but it was a mixed bag. First, Japanese narratives use a different structure than Western novels, this is the kishōtenketsu, and it might be a challenge for Western readers (actually this is also a reason why many manga endings seem unsatisfying for Western consumers), and among the licensed works there were some terrible ones too.

I’m busy enough with manga, so I didn’t really bother, but then due to the hype and the Japanese release it was impossible not to notice the Captive Prince series. I liked the novels a lot, but I was immediately turned off by the “fandom”, that was once again all about representation and what are people allowed to write in fiction and entertainment - and I was like no thank you.

Another time skip, and the next time I came in touch with m/m novels was through illustrations by artists I like, for example Scarlet Beriko, who illustrated an American m/m short story, Speechless by Kim Fielding. This is how I became aware of the Shinshokan‘s Monochrome Romance label, that has been translating English language m/m novels into Japanese, and then I discovered Mamahara Ellie’s manga adaptation of JL Langley’s Without Reservations, and it looked so nice I had to read the novels - and I liked them. I read some others by Langley too, but it was still very low key - I like her stuff, but she’s not _that_ good of a writer. Then I stumbled upon Eli Easton, as Mamahara Ellie has been illustrating the Japanese edition of her How to Howl at the Moon series. Another shifter series, but _dog_ shifters, and it was really nice. Another few months flew by, and then I discovered Easton had a new book out with a gay dad that’s always up my alley, so I though why not use my commuting time reading m/m novels? Easton proved to be a good writer, and I started to go through her books. Her thematic range is wide, so some I liked better than others (maybe I will make a post one day), but the one that was a turning point for me was Snowblind. Not my fave by her, mind you, but it’s a spy/action/crime novel, and I realized I need more of that.

I have always been a fan of crime/mystery, I prefer it in movies, tv series to other genres, but strangely my (general) novel consumption was kind of lacking of that. Now I don’t really want to read anything without m/m, so crime/mystery m/m was what I wanted. Actually Monochrome Romance has brought over such author, Josh Lanyon, who I wanted to check out, because her books seemed successful, but I was actually reluctant because of the male penname. I know some value m/m by male authors more, because they think it’s more authentic and representation and whatever, but for me it works the opposite way, because m/m is the same as BL: fantasy for women usually by women. If I read m/m novels (or BL manga for that matter) I want to have a good narrative, interesting characters and relationships and good romance and sex doesn’t hurt either. Of course some realism is good, but I don’t care about representation and how well gay guys can identify with it, because this is not the genre for that, if I wanted that I would read gay novels. I’m not saying male authors can’t write good m/m novels, but if they don’t abide by the rules of the genre than they are in the wrong genre, that’s all. I was actually surprised just how much the discourse around m/m novels mirrors BL manga, especially that “scandal“, when Lanyon “came out“ as a female author in 2015, it was like yaoi ronsou in 90s Japan once again, it was ridiculous...

So yeah, Lanyon turned out to be a female author, but I only suspected after I got into her books, and didn’t bother to read up on her until much later - her novels immediately convinced me, so I didn’t care about her being male or female anymore. I started with the All’s Fair trilogy, and I was done in completely. She’s doing just what I always wanted to have. Policemen, FBI, crime, mystery, action, interesting cases, characters, who also get it on (latest at the 50% mark XD). Since then I have been working myself through her catalog, and I won’t rest till I read everything. She’s very prolific (or rather she has had a long career), mostly crime/suspense/mystery, but she does interesting excursions to other genres. Even her short stories of 50-100 pages can convey more than others in 200-300 pages, albeit she’s famous for abrupt ending without epilogues - some of that is salvaged by her holiday codas. What I like about Lanyon, that she can write damn well! Her books raised the bar for me in m/m novels immensely, and it’s a real pity that some of the Lanyon books will never reach a wider audience because of m/m (same as with BL manga). The language, the atmosphere, the composition of the plot... everything.

Her novels are mostly a hit for me, and there are a lot for me in the amazing category, but even among those there are some which blew me away. The reason for this post is such a book I just finished yesterday: Stranger on the Shore. I was totally done in by that book, I finished it in the morning, and I was basking in the afterglow all day. Beautifully written, and the way the whole truth is revealed to our more and more reluctant protagonist is amazing - it is all the more better, because the reader can guess one major point and observe the (self)discovery of the protagonist, and you just can’t help but love Griff... Another, shorter novel that had the same (or even bigger) effect on me is Come Unto These Yellow Sands. I love Swift, once celebrated poet, son of celebrated poets, recovering cocaine addict clean for six years. His struggle for a normal life and then to stay clean was palpable, his vulnerability and strength wrecked me to the extent I couldn’t fall asleep and had to read more.

Yeah, Lanyon has some very good novels, and I’m glad I discovered her stuff. Currently I’m looking forward to the fourth book in The Art of Murder series supposed to be out this month, another fave of mine with hardened Sam Kennedy and reckless Jason West - also part of the FBI universe, so I kind of hope for a check-in with either Elliot or Tucker, since Sam was supposed to leave for Seattle in book three... But anyway, too much to swoon about here, so I will leave it for another post.

Well, originally I just wanted to gush about Stranger on the Shore, but it ended up to be something else, oh well ^^;;;

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kates-sweet-escape · 6 years

Text

[WH] YOURS - The Series: Chapter One

pairing: Wonho X Reader (female)

genre: Angst / Suspense

word count: 4.8k

summary: It’s been two years since you’ve left everything behind. But a simple phone call brings you right back to everything you’ve been trying to forget

a/n: You are living with a fake identity. Whenever you read Y/F/N people call you by your fake first name.

cover: Made by me.

Picture credit: Official Monsta X

This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution-NonCommercial-NoDerivatives 4.0 International License.

chapter index: Prologue | 01 | 02 | 03

“You know that he’s looking at you again, right?”

You let out a long sigh and stopped playing with your food that you hadn’t really touched for the last five minutes. Instead, you focused on your only and therefore best friend Yoo Kihyun. He was sitting on the edge of your desk, cross-legged as if the whole twentieth floor belonged to him. Which was definitely not the case since his own office was located on the eighth floor. But your best friend had always been extremely self-confident. Or he just had a huge ego. Whatever one preferred.

“Ki - Just ignore him.”

“I can’t. He just keeps looking over to us. He might think he’s sneaky with looking down at his papers but he sure as hell isn’t. And his gaze is just…” Kihyun frowned, apparently at a loss for words, which was quite understandable, since the behavior of your boss was anything but professional. “Does he do that every day?”

You spared a glance towards the desk that was standing opposite yours. Changkyun’s secretary, Bae Soojeon, was talking to somebody on the phone, her fingers hammering down on the keyboard as she made full use of her headset. She seemed preoccupied. But you knew better than that. She was like your company’s very own tabloid. If she overheard anything that she considered juicy gossip, the whole company would know about it in no time. So you never talked about anything personal in front of that woman. And your relationship to your boss definitely was one of those things. So you didn’t say a word. But apparently staying silent was enough of an answer for Kihyun.

“Are you for real?” His eyes widened and he leaned down towards you, lowering his voice as he kept on talking. “God, how do you even get anything done with him looking at you like this?”

You shook your head in annoyance before putting the lid back onto your salad. So much for your peaceful lunch break.

“I ignore him and just do my job.” You already regretted telling Kihyun when you’d be having lunch and asking him to tag along. But unfortunately, you still didn’t really fancy eating alone. “And I’m gonna start ignoring you too if you don’t stop talking about our boss.” You shoved him back a little but Kihyun seemed completely unfazed by it and leaned in again, his nose now almost touching yours. You could already imagine all the chatter being spread by Soojeon because of this. It would take three days to be completely blown out of proportion. By tomorrow you’d be dating Kihyun. By Thursday you’d be pregnant. And by Friday you were probably planning on eloping.

God. You hated that sort of stuff.

“Sorry, Y/F/N it’s just… It’s oddly distracting even for me.” Kihyun glanced towards the glass front of Changkyun’s office. Your boss was sitting at his desk, his eyes seemingly looking at the papers in his hand. But only a few seconds later he lifted his gaze and was looking at you again. When your eyes met, he smiled a little before refocusing on his work.

You immediately noticed the dark shadows under his eyes and that he was wearing the same suit he’d worn yesterday. Which meant he’d spent another night at the office. When you’d brought him his coffee this morning he’d seemed tired. But now - a few hours later - he looked completely exhausted.

Kihyun cleared his throat and shifted his attention back to you, a faint blush spreading on his cheeks. “Really, really distracting. And I am straight.”

You cocked up your eyebrow, pressing your lips together to avoid laughing. “Are you sure about that?”

“Bite me.” Kihyun scoffed before scooting in even closer. God, that guy really didn’t get the whole concept of personal space. Which was probably the reason why he even managed to become your friend just shortly after entering the company. He never got discouraged by your cold and aversive nature. He just kept on trying, ending your solitude with that sassy and slightly annoying nature of his.

“So,” You already knew trouble was headed your way when a sly smile tugged at the edge of Kihyun’s lips. “You never thought about hitting it off with him? It’s obvious that he is interested.”

Your eyes widened a little. “Ki, he’s my boss.”

“And it’s the 21st century.” Kihyun simply shrugged, as if dating a CEO wasn’t a big deal. “Nobody cares about stuff like that anymore.”

That was a big fat lie. And you both knew it. Because people would always care about ridiculous bullsh*t like that. So you shook your head no. Almost violently. You lowered your voice, practically whispering by now to avoid Soojeon listening in. “I don’t want people talking about me. Or him. So no. I’ve never thought about dating him. Also–” You hesitated, struggling to come up with a believable lie why Changkyun wasn’t dating material apart from him being your boss– “I don’t date guys my age.”

“I see.” Kihyun nodded, patting you on the shoulder in empathy. “So you were also raised in a conservative family then?”

For a second you were back in your teenage days, where you had to attend countless debutante balls and celebrations for arranged marriages. Where dating was forbidden and where having a “lower-class” boyfriend was considered a huge scandal. Funny how the darkest depths of Seoul’s underworld were so outdated. Other memories started to resurface like the taste of rain, the sound of muffled laughter and the warmth of a body pressed closely against yours. And your bodyguard’s loud screams of anger when he’d found you and … him … sneaking in through the backdoor in the middle of the night.

You cast those memories aside just as fast as they had surfaced. They were too painful. And since the second anniversary of that dreadful night was drawing close you weren’t strong enough to face any of them without breaking down in tears.

“Don’t even get me started.”

“Ms. Lee?” Kihyun almost jumped off your table when the deep and raspy voice of Changkyun was suddenly coming from the intercom. “I need your help.”

You pressed the little button and leaned in towards the speaker, lowering your voice to make it sound soft and calm. “I’ll be right there, Sir.”

You let go of the button and got up from your seat, straightening your dress and rearranging your jewelry. You tried to ignore Kihyun’s stare as best as you possibly could before throwing away your empty can of diet coke.

“Of course he does.” Kihyun sneered as he got up from the table. “God, he’s being painfully obvious.”

“Helping him is my job.” You said, suddenly feeling the need to defend your boss. “I am his personal assistant after all.”

Kihyun grinned and as he wiggled his eyebrows suggestively you already knew he was going to spout nonsense again. “I bet he wants you to assist him on an even more personal level.”

Your cheeks flushed with heat but you tried to play it cool by rolling your eyes and pushing Kihyun towards the elevator. “God - Get lost.”

Kihyun clutched his chest dramatically while slowly walking backwards. “You know, I don’t seem like it but I do have feelings.”

You laughed a little, your fingers already touching the cold metal of the doorknob. “I highly doubt that.” You flashed Kihyun one last smile and waved goodbye as he stepped into the elevator. “See you later, Ki.”

“See you later, Y/F/N.”

As soon as the doors of the elevator closed you opened the glass door to Changkyun’s office. It was still beyond you how one person needed such a large space just to himself, but apparently, that was some sort of CEO thing you’d never be able to understand.

“You called for me, CEO Im?”

“Yeah, I did.” Changkyun got up from his seat behind the desk that had been placed in front of the huge glass front that allowed a spectacular view over the bay. “Please, close the door behind you.”

You stepped into his office, the soft cotton white of the walls and the warm brown of the wooden floor immediately calmed you down. “What can I do for you, Sir?” You softly closed the door behind you, finally shutting out Soojeon’s voice who was still on the phone.

Changkyun’s face was stern and his lips, that often showcased a rather smug smile, were pressed together in a thin line. The dark circles under his eyes made his skin look even paler than it actually was. His slightly messy hair currently had a bluish-grey color which had cost him a fortune and countless of hours at the hairdresser but accentuated his dark eyes perfectly, making them look like they were pitch-black instead of dark brown. He looked a little bit older than you, but actually, the two of you were only a few months apart. But that was only natural, considering the stress he was under.

“I need your help.” Changkyun walked over towards you, unbuttoning his suit coat which had a rather classic cut. “Oh and, by the way–” Changkyun averted your eyes as he came closer, looking slightly displeased “-was that Yoo Kihyun from the marketing department? He visits you at your desk fairly often these days. Are you two a thing?”

You tried your hardest not to laugh. Kihyun was right. Changkyun really was being painfully obvious. “I thought you only needed my help, Sir.”

“The door is closed, Y/F/N.” Changkyun sounded a little annoyed and you tried your best to keep a straight face. “So drop the whole Sir bullsh*t and tell me honestly - are you two a thing?”

Honestly, this wasn’t even worth answering. But the way Changkyun looked at you let you know that your answer was meaningful to him. So you walked over to him, lifting your hands to rearrange his pocket square. You needed to keep yourself occupied with something as you started talking with that calm and unfazed voice of yours. “What are you gonna do if we are?”

“I don’t know.” Changkyun’s unique laugh filled the office but today it didn’t sound as cheerful as it usually did. “Maybe I should fire him. To lower the competition, you know?”

You stopped your little task and looked Changkyun straight in the eyes. Even though he wasn’t particularly tall only a few people dared to because of how rich and privileged he was as the very young CEO of a huge pharmaceutical company. But you had been raised to stare down people that were more powerful than him. And far more dangerous. So you weren’t afraid. “Don’t say stuff like that.”

“Why? You don’t like it? Does it make me look like an idiot?”

“Kind of. Because if you’re serious about this you’d be a bloody fool.” You straightened his jacket, tucking at it a little stronger than necessary. “Ever since he joined the company, sales have dramatically increased. And by the way - these days women don’t like guys who abuse their power just to flirt with somebody.” You smiled as you heard him gasp in fake shock. “But also, no. We aren’t dating. We’re just friends.” Changkyun’s sudden and bright smile was almost contagious but you didn’t allow yourself to join in. This was stupid. “Kihyun isn’t really my type.”

You took a step back and crossed your arms over your chest as you watched that smile of his widen a little further, showing off a set of perfectly white teeth.

“Then...” Changkyun’s tone became playful and flirty, something you’d gotten used to over the past two years and were easily able to handle. “What is your type?”

Not you.

Your mind suddenly went foggy with memories again. A bright smile. A contagious laugh. A soft whisper in your ear and the loving and gentle touch of rough and large hands. Strong arms to hold you close at night, hot skin and the faint smell of pine and blood.

You snapped out of it by shaking your head, casting away all these memories that seemed to just randomly resurface these days.

Whenever that happened, you were in agony. Because the pain, which never really went away, intensified again, occupying every inch of your body and making it hard for you to breathe.

It was ridiculous. You should have gotten over him by now. It had been two years for Christ’s sake. You should have moved on already, forgotten all about him. Yet you still remembered everything in vivid detail.

His voice. His smile. His kiss.

And it still hurt.

But you were getting better. Slowly but steadily you were getting over him, even though it hardly felt like it at the moment. But at least you weren’t losing sleep anymore simply because he wasn’t lying next to you. You weren’t waking up with tears streaming down your face because he’d visited you in your dreams. And you also stopped hesitating when you covered your own tattoos with make-up in the morning.

So you were getting better. Your wounds were steadily healing. And soon enough only the scars would remain. They’d hurt occasionally, but sooner or later you’d forget you even had them.

So maybe, just maybe, it was time to move on.

And perhaps Changkyun was the right guy for the job. Since he was the complete opposite of… him.

So why not risk it? Why not flirt a little with the guy that was so obviously interested in you? Because you really liked Changkyun. He was a playful and funny guy with surprisingly deep thoughts and a sense of responsibility that was uncommon for guys his age. And you got along great. Talking to him was never boring and you’d had countless dinners with him where you’d forgotten the time, staying with him at a crowded restaurant until it was almost empty because you were so engaged in a conversation.

So why not go for it, right?

You cleared your throat a little and tried your best to sound as flirty as you possibly could. “It’s a secret.”

Changkyun’s eyes widened in surprise and you already knew that this had been a very bad idea. “Was that?” He let out a deep laugh before he took a step closer to you. Had he always smelled of sea salt and sage? “Wait. Did you just try to flirt with me?”

You could feel your cheeks flush with heat as Changkyun was looking at you with that lopsided smirk that you knew made a lot of girls weak in the knees. God, you shouldn’t have tried being coy. You weren’t good at that. Which didn’t come as much of a surprise considering the fact that you’d been in a relationship ever since you’d turned fourteen. You only ever had to flirt with guys in order to get what you wanted for the Clan. And that had been a completely different thing.

“No, I wasn’t.” you quickly replied before turning your back on Changkyun and walking towards the huge conference table that barely fit into his already large office. The shiny mahogany surface was completely covered with all sorts of paperwork.

With just one look you could already tell that this was a complete mess that had gotten out of hand. You stepped a little closer and narrowed your eyes. You knew those papers. Quite well actually since it had taken you days to properly organize them.

“Are those the papers for the merger?”

Changkyun hesitated for a second. “Yeah.”

“Changkyun! For Christ's sake!” You raised your voice in anger. You had worked for two days and one night straight in order to get this done. “The merger is supposed to happen next week! How are you still not done with the paperwork?” You looked at Changkyun who avoided your gaze and just scratched the back of his head like a schoolboy who was being scolded by his teacher. “You were only supposed to take another look at them and then sign the goddamn contract! How the hell did you make such a mess?”

“Don’t be so mad at me.” Changkyun pouted a bit. But then his face suddenly became stern. Dark even. “There was something fishy about their numbers so I went through all of it again.” He looked you straight in the eyes and you could see the worry and determination in his. “I can’t afford to fuck this up.”

Yeah. You knew he couldn’t. This was Changkyun’s first big project ever since he’d taken over CODA Pharmaceuticals from his sick father three years ago. Everybody's eyes were on the young CEO who’d been in charge of one of the biggest companies in the country ever since the young age of twenty. Everybody expected him to mess this up and the sharks were already ready to rip him to shreds once they were able to smell even the faintest drop of blood in the water. And you knew exactly what that felt like. All those expectations. All those enemies surrounding you, waiting for you to make a mistake. You really felt for him, which was exactly why you couldn’t stay mad.

You let out a sigh, accepting your fate of at least one more night shift. You took off your blazer and put it over the back of one of the fifteen chairs that had been arranged around the large table. “Okay. What do you need me to do?”

Changkyun smiled brightly at you before he came closer again, his left hand settling on the chair right next to you while the other rested on top of the conference table, closing you in and causing your heart to beat a little faster when you felt his chest touching your back. “Help me find their last five tax declarations and their sale numbers from 2011 until now.”

You nodded before looking at the mess again. “You know that I would have been able to find them a lot faster if you didn’t go all crazy professor on this, right?” You reached out to loosely rearrange some of the documents. “This just screams overtime.”

“It’ll be faster if I just hel-”

“No. You stay away from this.” You glanced over your shoulder just to realize how close Changkyun actually was. “You know I think you’re a genius but you’re a mess when it comes to organizing. So let me do this and just focus on something else. Preferably something that doesn’t ruin two nights worth my work.”

Changkyun smiled softly, casting away some of the worry on his handsome face. “Thanks, Y/F/N. I owe you.”

“You can pay me back with a hefty raise.”

Changkyun’s gaze was shifting between your eyes and your lips and when he started speaking again his voice sounded a little lower than usual. “I was thinking about a nice dinner instead. Just the two of us. What do you say?”

Silence suddenly filled the room. You could hear Soojeon’s muffled voice from outside the office while the clock on the wall steadily kept ticking.

Your thoughts were a mess. Should you go out with him? Shouldn’t you? Were you ready? Weren’t you ready? Were you ever going to be ready? He probably had moved on a long time ago. Yet you still hesitated, not even daring to flirt back even a little bit whenever a guy had shown interest in you. So wasn’t it finally time? Maybe it would help you forget all about him. Even though you seriously doubted that you were ever able to do that. But you should at least try, right? You couldn’t live on with this constant pain in your chest. And there was also no way of ever going back. You’d lost him forever the night you’d walked out of the mansion. He was gone.

And it was time that you accepted that and moved on.

“I-” Your answer was cut short as the loud ringtone of your phone violently broke the silence. “Excuse me.” You moved back a little, forcing Changkyun to let go of the chair. You reached for the inner pocket of your blazer and frowned as you looked at the two phones you now held in your hand. You used the white one for work. Usually, it was ringing almost constantly. But now the display was pitch-black. Instead, the golden one, your private one, was ringing.

The phone that only two people had the number of. And one of them was standing right next to you, looking down at you in confusion.

“Sorry.” You lifted your phone a little before pointing towards the office door. “May I?”

Changkyun took a huge step backwards, making some room for you to properly move. “Sure thing.”

“Thanks. I’ll be right back.” You went out of the office and turned to your left, still looking down at the phone in your hand that just kept on ringing. A landline number. And judging by the fact that it started with a 51 it had to be a caller from Busan. But nobody knew your private cell number except for Changkyun and Kihyun. You’d made sure of that, not wanting to take any risks.

So who the hell was calling you?

You sped up your footsteps, almost running down the hallway that led you towards the fire escape which was often used by Changkyun for a quick smoke. Your heart was beating rapidly in your chest and your hands were starting to sweat as your brain was already going through all the possibilities. And all of them were terrifying.

You knew you shouldn’t answer this call. Everything inside you screamed and begged of you not to accept it. To just ignore it and pretend this never happened. But you knew that ignorance isn't bliss. It was dangerous. And in your case, it could even be deadly. If they found you, you needed to know so you could at least try to get away. Even though you knew that it would probably be impossible. Especially if Hyunwoo had sent… him.

There was no escaping him. At least not for you.

And your brother was very well aware of that.

You shoved open the exit door and stepped out onto the landing. You tried not to focus on the fact that you were on the twentieth floor or that the wind was howling in your ears.

Instead, you forced yourself to finally answer the call.

“Hello?” You tried to sound strong and daring, not giving away the fact that you were shaking with fear. But you failed. Your voice was high pitched and completely out of tune.

“Hello.” You frowned. Not at all what you’d expected. This was the voice of a young woman. And she sounded stressed out and even a little agitated. “This is the Emergency Room of Busan General Hospital speaking.”

The ER? Did Kihyun have an accident? But you talked to him a little over fifteen minutes ago. And Busan General was on the other side of town. No way he–

“Hello!” The nurse said again, now sounding mildly anxious. “Are you there?”

“Sorry.” God, you had to snap out of it. “Yes. Yes, I’m listening.”

“I asked you what your name was.”

“My name is Lee Y/F/N.” You tried to calm down so that your brain could start to make sense of what was actually going on. “I’m sorry but I am a little confused as to why the ER is calling me.

The woman started speaking again. “We have an unidentified male in our trauma ward with a stab wound to his lower abdomen. He had nothing on him except for 50 million Won and a cellphone with only one number saved in it.” She seemed to carefully arrange her words before she kept going. “And that number was yours.”

Stab wound. Lower abdomen.

Thank God - it’s not him.

After spending years in the inner circle of the Clan you knew all the signature killing methods. Especially his. And he had always been the type to break bones instead of dealing with a huge pool of blood at his feet.

No, this wasn’t him. But that didn’t make this whole thing less dangerous. Because a stab wound like that was Jooheon’s specialty. Your brother’s very own assassin and one of the sickest bastards you’d ever met. He always went for a stab wound, making his victims suffer and slowly but steadily bleed to death at his feet. He enjoyed hearing them scream and beg for mercy. But all of them pleaded in vain. You’d never heard of a life speared by Lee Jooheon.

Which meant that your brother had sent you a warning in form of a dead body. Quite theatrical. Especially for somebody like Hyunwoo.

But apparently, things changed.

“Are you sure about that?” you said, your voice a bit calmer now. “He didn’t have any note on him? Or something written across his chest or something?”

“What?” The nurse must have been under the impression that you were insane, but you didn’t have the time to care about stuff like that.

“I asked if he had something written on him. In ink or in blood?” You thought about how your father had relayed messages like that to his enemies. “Or does he have a tattoo?”

“Who the hell are you?”

God, you’d almost forgot how bothersome it was to deal with mere civilians in situations like that. They were always too nosy for their own good, resulting in a lot of them being killed for absolutely no reason but their own curiosity.

You let out a long and drawn-out sigh, your brain already formulating an escape plan instead of trying to be empathetic towards the woman that was probably absolutely terrified by all your questions. “Just check.”

Getting out of Busan would cost you a fortune. Especially if you wanted to be gone without a trace. And you definitely needed to if Jooheon was close by. Maybe this time you should really consider getting yourself a fake passport and escaping to the United States. But your brother had a lot of business partners there so Europe or Australia might be the better alternative. But both were pricey. And it wasn’t like Changkyun was paying you a lot of money. You were just a personal assistant for Christ’s sake. You could consider yourself lucky because you were able to pay the bloody rent.

Good thing you knew how to make money fast. Maybe you should–

“Are you kidding? He’s covered in tattoos! And I really shouldn’t get too close to him if he’s unconscious. That’s considered sexual harassment! And he isn’t just some piece of meat!”

Your thoughts came to a sudden halt. What did she just say? You must have been mistaken, right?

Jooheon never spared a life. Never.

“Wait - He isn’t dead?”

“No, he isn’t!” The nurse sounded hysterical by now. “And what kind of question is that?”

You couldn’t care less. You needed her to be absolutely sure about this. “Are you sure he is alive and breathing?”

“Well, I am only a mere nurse so why don’t you come down here and tell me?” She huffed. “We need him to be identified. The police will arrive shortly and– Wait…”

“Did you find something?” Maybe your brother had actually left a message for you. Something that would give you a hint as to how close he truly was.

“Not really. I just noticed this tattoo on his neck.”

You closed your eyes. Hoping. Praying. But the rational part of you already started to paint the picture for you. And it sure as hell wasn’t a pretty one.

Your heart started to rapidly beat in your chest while your stomach clenched. Suddenly, you felt like drowning. As if your lungs were filling up with water and making it unable for you to take one steady breath after the other. You shouldn’t ask. You really shouldn’t. Because you knew that your worst fears would come to life the moment you did. Yet your mouth started to move on it’s own, making the words fall off your tongue in a frenzy.

“What does it say?”

You could hear the ruffling of clothes. The steady beeping of the ECG. The nurse who cursed under her breath as she probably leaned in a little closer to the patient to get a proper look at the tattoo.

You knew that it must have been only a matter of seconds until she started speaking again but to you, it felt like minutes. And when she finally did, she shattered your peaceful world into a million little pieces.

“Yours.”

to be continued...

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16 notes · View notes

eene-fangirl · 6 years

Text

Premonition: Never Too Ed Chapter 2 [An Ed, Edd n Eddy Fanfiction]

Edd cringed feeling the warm rays from the sun hit his eyes. He groaned, slowly waking up. Rubbing his eyes, Edd wanted no more then to return to sleep. He had no desire to do anything today. As much as Edd couldn’t stand the thought he had to take a day off from school. His heart wasn’t in it.

Lying back in the comfortable pillows Edd noticed he didn’t have a headache from the night before. At least sleep helped get rid of it. Though he knew it wouldn’t be gone long.

Sniffing the air the scent of pancakes filled his nose. Chocolate chip pancakes. He could also faintly hear Casey. She sounded cheerful. Best to distract her from the the awful events occuring right now.

Edd opened his eyes.

He was in his bedroom.

Edd sat up, confused. He was dressed in his striped pajamas instead of the clothing he was in last night. Did Eddy’s parents decided to take him up to bed so he could be more comfortable?

It was five minutes to seven now. He had the privilege to sleep in but Casey’s laughter was beginning to concern him. After ignoring his daughter last night Edd felt that he needed to be with her this morning.

Exiting his room, Edd noticed the door to the guest bedroom was open. It did not look as if anybody had slept in there.

He walked down the stairs. Something felt all the more off. The TV was on. Jeopardy was on. Eddy always watched Jeopardy in the morning.

That’s when Edd heard a voice.

Eddy didn’t sound that much like his father, did he?

It was like one of those suspenseful movies. Edd’s heart pounded as the TV grew louder along with the voices.

Edd could have fainted when he walked into the kitchen.

There was Eddy enjoying a plate full of pancakes and drinking coffee, laughing with Casey.

“E-Eddy...”

Eddy briefly glanced at him upon hearing his name. Then he completely turned around looking alarmed.

“Double D? What’s the matter?” Eddy asked with clear worry in his voice.

Edd couldn’t speak. His hand grasped the counter. He was waiting to wake up back on the couch cuddling their wedding picture. This all didn’t feel real. Unless yesterday wasn’t real.

“I-I just had...” Edd stuttered trying to gather his thoughts. “Had a horrible nightmare. You- you...”

Eddy walked over holding his arms. Casey also looked alarmed, watching her parents curiously.

“Are you feeling okay? I thought you just wanted to sleep a bit longer.” Eddy said, quietly. He placed his hand against his cheek seeing if he was feverish. Edd leaned into the touch, needed to feel Eddy’s body. To make sure he was there and that he was not imagining all this he touched his hand. It was warm. He was there.

“I’m fine,” Edd was relieved, wanting to cry. How could his imagination create a world in which his beloved died?

“Are you sure?” Eddy asked him. “You want me to drive Casey to school? The Monday traffic is always horrendous.”

Monday? Yesterday was...

“I-I’ll go change.” Edd smiled at his daughter, reassuring her that everything was okay. He thought he was going to have to take the day off today. Edd was looking forward to that. He didn’t know whether to feel relieved or scared. The events from the day prior did not feel like a dream at all. They were so real.

Eddy was still by his side. He had a hand on his back as they walked up the stairs. “Edd, are you sure you’re okay?”

No. Edd nodded.

Just then his cell phone went off. It was only his planner telling him that he had a meeting in a half hour. Edd was scared to let his husband go. The sorrow, dread and anger that he felt were all still there.

“I gotta go. Nazz’ll be waiting if I don’t get...”

“Nazz?” Edd questioned.

Eddy looked all the more bewildered at Edd. His hand clenched around his even tighter. “Nazz is the new receptionist. I told you that.”

Edd nodded. “Right. I just... forgot...”

Eddy kissed his cheeks and went off to work. Edd watched from the window until Eddy’s car disappeared.

Once he was dressed and had his own satchel packed with his supplies Edd drove off to his daughter’s school. It was the same morning traffic, usual line up, along with parents arguing with crossing guards. Edd couldn’t get his mind off yesterday.

“Did you study your spelling words?” Edd asked Casey.

Casey looked at him as if he were crazy. “Daddy and I studied them on the couch last night. Remember?”

Edd blinked. No. “Yes, that’s right.”

“I’ll see you at Uncle Ed and Aunt May’s after school!” Casey called to him when she exited the car.

Edd gasped. “Casey, don’t forget your... lunch...”

Casey came back and did the same motion with her fingers and whistled.

Now Edd was deeply bothered by yest... the dream.

He arrived at Starling High School right when the bell rang. His boss give him a look making Edd’s discomfort worse. The man made him nervous. He didn’t know if he was the only one out of all the teachers. That’s what he missed from his old job. Having a cheerful boss who was so understand was the highlight of working at the elementary school. That’s where he wanted to be right now.

His class was all settled in. Now he felt the Monday morning vibe. Most of them were asleep.

“Okay, um... class, we have a lot to learn,” Edd announced trying to distract himself in anyway he could. He looked through his bag for papers.

He found the quizzes. They were not marked up. Yesterday they were... or... he had no idea anymore!

The class took their time with their quizzes. Instead of teaching Edd waited for them to finish and give them to privilege to have a study. Maybe he should go to the doctor to see if something was wrong with him.

“Turn in your quizzes,” he announced once the bell rang.

Glancing at each paper the answers looked very reminiscent. Edd joked to himself that it wouldn’t take long to grade the papers. It didn’t lighten the mood so well.

“Thank you, Mr. McGee.” His student placed an apple on his desk.

Edd stared at the apple. “Didn’t you give me an apple yesterday?”

She turned, confused. “Yesterday was Sunday. We weren’t here.”

Edd’s eyes lowered, staring into the desk. “Correct.”

Edd’s headache returned by the end of the day. He drove off to the market needing to buy food anyway. At least that was something distinct compared to the nightmare. However, while driving, Edd thought back to Officer Kevin’s words. Eddy died in a...

Edd gasped immediately stomping on the brakes when a car rushed passed honking its horn at him. Oh, he didn’t stop for a red light. What....

It was a mix of relief and anger when a cop car pulled up behind him sounding its alarm.

Groaning, Edd prepared his license.

“Quite a stop,” The voice said.

“My apologies, I...” Turning to meet the cop it was Kevin. “Oh, hello Kevin...”

Kevin’s face immediately brightened. “Double D! How are you? Are you okay?”

“Um... yes, I was distracted,” Edd answered, glancing at his side mirror.

“As long as you’re okay. How is Eddy?”

Eddy was killed on the highway yesterday. He died instantly. “Fine.”

“These Monday’s always catch up with you, don’t they!” May beamed when Edd picked up Casey from their house. She carried their youngest, Ed Jr, as Casey ran around with Ed and May’s twins, Jenny and Alexander. Ed was also playing with them. He rolled around in the grass as the children toppled on him.

“Come along, Casey. I have to start dinner!” Edd called out. He sounded more frustrated which alerted May. Edd opened up his trunk placing a couple of plates Ed had borrowed from he and Eddy.

Casey said goodbye to her friends and placed her bag into the car. Her socks where covered in dirt and her pants were also stained. Normally Edd wouldn’t be so annoyed but with today’s events he was fuming.

“You should have asked us to come to the park yesterday,” Ed said. He had tossed his son of his shoulder, playing around.

Now Edd gripped the trunk of the car. “Park?”

“Yeah. Eddy took Casey to the park yesterday. He texted me, yesterday,” Ed explained.

Edd turned his head to look at his longtime friends. “Did I call you yesterday?”

“We talked to Eddy,” May answered, a bit confused.

“No! Me!” Edd’s frustrated voice rang out. “Did I leave you a message?”

Ed and May looked at each other, concern etched in their faces. “No.”

Edd angrilly sighed. He adjusted his groceries inadvertently knocked a bottle of wine out of its bag. “Shoot!” Edd cursed himself.

Ed put his son down and walked over to his friend. He put a comforting hand on Edd’s back. “Double D, is everything okay?” Ed asked quietly. He squeezed harder and continued, “With you and Eddy?”

“... Yes...”

Returning back home Casey did her homework as Edd cleaned the house. There were no messages this time. The laundry was in a pile. A load was finished.

Edd hung up everything on the lines outside. It was windy as the clean sheets waved around. Edd had to admit it was calming. Taking a deep breath he looked up at the cloudy sky. It was just dream.

Taking a step back Edd tripped and fell on the ground.

Is hand touched something wet when he went to pick himself up.

Flies buzzed all around. He smell of a rotting, dead crow filled Edd’s nose.

“Oh!” Edd whimpered. He sprinted back into the house. He opened the sliding door only to leave a bloody hand print behind. “Filthy, filthy, filthy!” Edd uttered.

“What is it, father?” Casey asked, alarmed.

“It’s nothing! I’m okay. Could you please wash off the glass?” Edd asked immediately scrubbing his hand clean from the blood and germs that had been manifesting the crow. He spent at least twenty minutes at the sink until he felt his hand was clean. Edd grasped the counter taking a deep breath. He just wanted to go to bed.

Putting on a rubber glove Edd went back outside, picked up the putrid crow and threw it into the garbage.

What was going on?

Eddy returned home not too long after the incident with the crow. Edd was relieved, kissing him and giving him a hug.

He didn’t even have dinner prepared yet. As Edd stood in the kitchen he listened to Eddy helping Casey with her homework. They laughed and joked around. Edd sighed. What was he doing wrong?

He family was quiet as they sat at the table.

Edd didn’t know what to say. Glancing at Eddy he also looked as if he were struggling to say something. The sounds of forks hitting the plates was the worst sound any family could listen to. Looking back on this morning Edd never told Eddy about the nightmare. Should he? Or would it only alarm him further?

Edd was first to go to bed, feeling completely drained. Although he was ecstatic that Eddy was alive, something else bothered him. He’d felt this strange mood for some time now. All his life Edd stuck to routine. He liked routine. But change scared him. Were things going to change in the near future?

A mere hour later Edd heard Eddy crawl into bed. Some time passed before Edd heard his husband snoring. Turning over Edd was face to with Eddy’s sleeping face. His hand smoothed along Eddy’s hand. The man flinched in his sleep, turning his back to Edd. Feeling his heart swell, Edd just went to sleep in hopes for a better day.

#ed edd n eddy #eene #eene fanfiction #EddEddy #EdMay

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keywestlou · 3 years

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PRIVATIZATION OF KEY WEST PARKING.....NO WAY!!!

Privatization rarely works in the long run. Governmental agencies have discovered that all that glitters is not gold.

I read Key West is considering privatization. A bad idea. If Key West does, it will find there is no free lunch. My recommendation is the City leave well enough alone. A local department under the watchful eye of the Mayor and City Commission.

Chicago is a perfect example of how parking privatization can easily result in disaster. Chicago was attracted by the “immediate cash” generated for the municipality. It turned out to be pie in the sky. After several years, Chicago was denied parking meter cash flow for 62 years per the contract with the private company.

Public parking meter fees skyrocketed in Chicago. Key West cannot stand any higher parking fees. The fees constantly move up now.

What turns a municipality on re the privatization is the upfront payment to the city. Grandiose initially. Within a few years, it becomes evident the payment turns into an “expensive loan.”

Chicago entered into privatized parking in 2018. The private company paid Chicago $1.16 billion. Paid in one lump sum up front.

The company recovered from parking fees that amount in four years. The full $1.16 billion. Totally recovered in 2021.

The contract between Chicago and the private company still had 62 years remaining. Chicago will not enjoy the cash flow the 62 years would provide. It belongs to the private company.

Wherever the Delta variant strikes, it affects the most those not vaccinated. One or two percent have. They are not affected. The 98 percent unvaccinated are.

It is pure obstinacy that prevents those not yet vaccinated to find themselves easily susceptible to the virus.

I believe the reluctance to get vaccinated is based more on that pure obstinacy than anything else.

There is the Houston Hospital where a a large number of medical workers refused to be vaccinated. Mostly nurses. One hundred fifty three were fired or suspended tuesday for refusing to get vaccinated.

The hospital had earlier required its staff be vaccinated. One hundred seventeen and some others disagreed and took the case to federal court.

The position of the 117 was that the claims re the drugs effectiveness elsewhere were exaggerated, the hospital staff were being used as “guinea pigs,” and to compel the vaccination was comparable to what occurred in Nazi concentration camps.

The federal judge disagreed and dismissed the nurses’ lawsuit. The nurses intend to appeal.

The Delta variant is causing great concern. And properly so. It recently doubled in 2 weeks from 9.9 percent to 20.8 percent.

The government expects the rate of increase to double again in two weeks. Delta is a more serious type COVID-19 and affects recovery more than the initial virus.

Scientists and doctors have discovered that those vaccinated are more protected than those not.

Weddings can be big and expensive. Note Key West is a huge marriage market.

The pandemic affected the numbers. As everyone learned to work from home and use the computer, so has the wedding business. Such weddings are called “hybrid weddings.”

Zoom already being utilized to a large extent. Two results evident. Cheaper and more fun. Experts believe the hybrid wedding concept will grow.

The sky is falling on Rudy Giuliani.

For 2 years, I have been advising Giuliani and many of Trump’s lawyers were going to get in trouble with the way they were handling Trump’s cases. Lies, exaggerations, etc. I also warned such attorneys would be sanctioned.

Especially in federal court. Excuse the vernacular, you don’t screw around with a federal judge.

Giuliani did in a New York case. The judge has suspended Giuliani’s license to practice law. The suspension could turn into a disbarment.

The cases involved the multitude of false statements re election fraud that were easily proven to be lies.

Giuliani’s present predicament was inevitable. You cannot lie to a judge and get away with it.

Others may similarly be sanctioned or disbarred. Attorneys Sidney Powell And Mike Lindell. Both exaggerators and liars as Giuliani has been in the Trump fraudulent ballot cases.

Giuliani’s predicament is humorous and sad at the same time. His client President Donald Trump has not paid his bill. May never pay it. All that legal work and sticking his neck out have resulted in Giuliani earning in the end a suspension and possible disbarment. Plus a sanction.

Infrastructure success was demonstrated yesterday by Biden and a number of Republicans standing on the White House driveway advising that bipartisanship had been reached re infrastructure.

I recall no Democrats other than Biden standing there. The rest Republicans. With only Biden smiling.

I worry that the infrastructure bill when completed will fail. It definitely will not have total Republican support. Some progressive Democrats may also be against it.

A bill has been agreed to by Biden and a small number of Senators. Not a guarantee that all in both Chambers will vote for it. The details will be problem. They always are. Another consideration that could blow everything up.

There is much more than infrastructure involved. All having been a part of Biden’s’ initial proposal.

Biden, Schumer and Pelosi have stated that the balance of what the Democrats want and which was agreed to yesterday by the small group of Republicans will be a reconciliation bill which the Republicans will have to promise/guarantee they will not oppose.

McConnell has already said no way.

Getting laws passed in recent years is like pulling teeth.

I enjoy old movies. Those that came out in the late 1930s and early 1940s. One is an Errol Flynn western. He plays General George Custer.

Today is the anniversary of the battle of Big Horn where Custer and his men were all slain in 1876.

Sioux tribal leaders Crazy Horse and Sitting Bull lead 3,000 tribesmen against Custer’s 200 men. The battle was over in less than an hour. Custer and his men became a part of American history.

Enjoy your day!

PRIVATIZATION OF KEY WEST PARKING…..NO WAY!!! was originally published on Key West Lou

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thisdaynews · 4 years

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U.S. back in WHO as Biden reverses Trump’s policies on immigration, climate change, others

New Post has been published on https://thebiafrastar.com/u-s-back-in-who-as-biden-reverses-trumps-policies-on-immigration-climate-change-others/

U.S. back in WHO as Biden reverses Trump’s policies on immigration, climate change, others

Lifting of movement limitations on 13 nations, stoppage of the line divider development on the U.S.- Mexico line are a portion of the Donald Trump organization’s arrangements switched yesterday by United States (U.S.) President Joe Biden on his first day in office.