#let alone a 21 year old kid with no family who was homeless less than a year ago? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

doloresdraws · 3 years

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| time-lapse of the painting on my youtube |

❤ I wrote these for Twitter, but decided to post them here as well ❤

Werner Adler, Nosferatu residing in San Francisco, Embraced in 1970 in his mid 30s.

1. Werner is pretty chill most of the time, more than angry he gets frustrated from not being satisfied with his writing or when he says something that makes complete sense, yet the other person still fails to acknowledge it, especially when it is about something important.

2. I think he never believed in soulmates, until he met Leslie. Now when she is gone, a part of him is gone too.

3. His pet peeves: When people call themselves stupid or speak about themselves in a degrading way, especially women and children. Also when he sees grammar mistakes like they're/their, etc.

4. Unfortunately, what used to be his happy place now brings him a lot of pain, so he rarely allows his thoughts to venture there. When Leslie was still alive and he thought she was living a happy, fulfilled life somewhere, he often thought about their life together.

5. He has suffered from depression since his teens, but his happiest time was when Leslie said yes to his clumsy proposal, they got married and were planning their future together. Despite his coming and going depression and some bad days, she made him very happy.

6. His least happy time: Finding out that Leslie was dead, running to the hospital morgue and seeing and holding her lifeless body in his arms.

7. I think he is neither. He would sit at the bar minding his own business.

8. As a mortal, he never had any serious physical injuries (mainly because he was at home most of the time) As a vampire he got his wrist broken by the Gangrel who had found him after the Embrace, Werner didn't understand anything and wanted to just run away.

9. He doesn't really remember his Embrace as he was passed out sleeping, so the Embrace itself isn't a traumatic experience for him. There is a lot he would rather forget during his Kindred existence, but nothing tops his desperate attempt of Embracing Leslie's dead body.

10. His childhood wasn't exactly filled with many good memories. His parents argued a lot and it ended up in divorce that left him living with his quite overprotective mother. His fav memory would probably be time he spent hanging out with his best friend, a neighbor kid Mike.

11. Honestly, no, he doesn't have a type. He was seriously in love only with Leslie. They had a connection right away as she as an artist understood his need to be sometimes left alone with his writing and at the same time possessed quite a different, more positive outlook in life.

12. A pen that he bought from his first salary. Lucky for him, he was able to keep it even after his Embrace. Also his and Leslie's wedding rings and her journal that he stole after sneaking into her husband's hotel room and going through her things.

13. +14. No tattoos or piercings, even if he wasn't a Kindred/Nosferatu he wouldn't even consider it. He is quite old school, he doesn't really like them.

15. He had his dream house already. Not long before he got Embraced, he and Leslie had bought a house in a small town in Maine. It wasn't much, but they had so many plans for the garden and for the kid's rooms.

16. I think others, especially Kindred of other clans wouldn't probably expect him to be so well-mannered, gentle and well-spoken considering his dishevelled, unclean looks. He just sees no point in showering or caring for his look when he isn't really socializing with anyone anyway.

17. He is very thoughtful when it comes to gifts. He is that kind of person that would give you a present out of the blue, just because he would see something that he thinks you would enjoy.

18. He has a love-hate relationship with his writing. Some days he thinks he is really good at capturing the right mood with his words, other days he is questioning his writing skills and if he should even continue. He isn't proud of anything that he does, unfortunately.

19. A stranger would probably describe him as a sad man who desperately needs a bath and new clothes.

20. A close friend (Kayley) would describe him as kind & caring, but broken man who is trying his best and tries to do the right things.

21. He actually isn't concerned about his looks at all, he didn't care much about his looks even when he looked normal. His biggest insecurity is fear that somehow deep inside he is a bad person and that he somehow deserves what happened.

22. Physical: dexterity, non-physical: Intelligence.

23. If he knew that the lie was for his own good, he would actually appreciate the thought. If it was a lie to spare him from fear (I am looking at you Kayley) he would get upset at the sheer irresponsibility and the harm that could have happened and you would be in for a lecture.

24. He doesn't care much for the weather when he's spending most of his nights alone in his sewer haven, but he finds rainy nights inspiring and accurate to his own feelings of despair. He sometimes goes to the cemetery when it pours, stands in the rain and allows himself to cry.

25. He has no problems saying I love you to the people that he cares about when it feels right and appropriate to the situation. Though he usually never says it first, but more as a response :)

26. He doesn't like to talk about his worries - like when he was a mortal he really didn't like to talk about his fear of not having enough skill to make it as a writer, as he felt like he was failing Leslie to not make enough money for them to be able to raise a family.

27. He murdered a man that was a threat to Kayley and Jane. He really thought that there wasn't another way, but he sent the children away while he did it, so they didn't have to see. He was on the verge of frenzy and part of him could justify the murder as the man was a scumbag.

28. He isn't ticklish, but he would probably try to stop you tickling him anyway.

29. As a mortal, he had pretty low pain tolerance, but as a Nosferatu and after Leslie's death he realized that any amount of physical pain was nothing compared to the crippling pain and guilt that he feels inside everytime his mind slips and he thinks about what happened.

30. He wishes he had the courage to walk up to Kyle (Leslie's then husband) and tell him that he was sorry, that he was weak, selfish and negligent and that it was his fault that Kyle lost his wife and his unborn child. But of course, he never did it, and now Kyle is an old man.

31. Messy: feeding is a very stressful ordeal for him, he only feeds on the homeless men from his herd and he gives them money for it. It's always a terrible time for him, it takes him a while to actually bite down and then he wants to be done with it as soon as possible.

32. When 14 yo Kayley made him bite her after she found out the truth about what he was and she wanted a proof that it didn’t hurt when he fed on people, despite him reassuring her it didn’t. He was deeply hurt by this request, but he forgave her, he realized she was just a curious child, she didn't know how much pain this was causing him.

33. When Leslie found him and despite seeing how he changed, she still told him she loved him and was willing to stay with him. And maybe even more when they had met a few years later and despite the time, he could still see love for him in her eyes like nothing had changed…

34. Hard choice between vision & touch. Both would hinder his ability to write and that is that is the only thing that keeps him somehow sane. Well, together with caring for Kayley, but as she is growing older it is better she sees less of him and has a normal life.

35. He can hold on small talks pretty well,it's actually the only kind of talk he is willing to have with other Kindred after Leslie's death. Mirabelle especially noticed the change in his behavior, but she understands that they weren't really friends and she has no right to pry.

36. He would ask Leslie if she can forgive him for what happened to her and her unborn child. But the truth also is that he is absolutely terrified at the idea as he fears that the truth is that wherever she is, she hates him.

37. The past-so he would have never traveled to San Francisco, or at least he would have traveled to the night when Leslie came to him and this time he would be stronger and pushed her away, not letting her touch him... The future is pointless, there is nothing left there for him.

38. Positive - Leslie made him feel understood, Kayley - gave him some will to live back, Jane - made him feel like he made a difference in her life by persuading her to own her mistakes.

Negative - His Sire who made him question why he deserved this fate for his kindness.

39. He was used to live alone, then he met Leslie and then he was alone again. He was always a solitary person, so the solitude and isolation actually didn't even bother him after the Embrace.

40. The worst had already happened to him, so for a time there wasn't really anything that would make him terrified. But then he met Kayley and of course he fears for her safety as he feels responsible for her. He's afraid that her compassion will one day cost her her life.

Werner © me/doloresdraws

#OC Werner #clan nosferatu #vampire the requiem #vampire the masquerade #World Of Darkness #my art #doloresdrawsocs #digital painting #vtr #VTM #nossies #vamily #nWod #chronicles of darkness #ocs #digital portrait #clip paint studio #digital paintings

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screamingsilence · 4 years

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Ramblings of a Very Lonely Nobody

Cliffsnots - Single Mom battling C-PTSD while taking care of her Mom and 3 kids desperately wanting to buy a home for family, yet crippled by student loan debt that allowed her to get a decent job after horrific divorce from extremely abusive husband who took everything including her ability to cope, form attachment, and relationships with other people - resulting in her continued detachment and self isolation. ((#ouch I wrote this part at the end - after the below - very accurate and well worded but sucks to read.))

I'm used to this. Desperately used to this. Quiet, silence, ringing in my ears. Obviously that was from way too many concerts. Don't get too excited though, I went to those alone. Or with a concert buddy that I met offline. I did this to myself. Years of terrible coping skills followed by years of disconnect and disassociation - have lead to fight or flight skills that should be taught in military combat schools. I could definitely teach young women every person Red Flags of relationships and the do's and dont's. I can also help anyone draft up an excellent escape plan if needed? What I cannot do is form attachments / relationships / connections - to anyone. I cannot develop safe spaces and spiritually healthy interpersonal connections with anyone.

From the inside looking out: everyone is a danger. Every word out of anyone's mouth is a way to hurt, manipulate, gaslight, damage, get the upper foot, belittle, betray, and/or save information to use against me and black mail me. -- Am I a bad person? Nope. Do I do things that are blackmail worthy? Nope.

I go to work, come home, play with my kids, help them with school work, attempt not to throw the 13 year old off a cliff (damn teenage years), cuddle the 11 year old (she's going through a stage where she is afraid of her own shadow - poor thing) and listen to the 8 year old talk, and talk, and talk -- (and talk - and talk - Autism, w/adhd and a day of online school = a lot of talking when I get home).Years of moving around as a child - Military Brat, followed by years of being cheated on, and then an extremely abusive marriage, and a drawn out divorce, and being forced to cooperant with my abuser ... I created a bubble. The bubble was to protect the kids and me. It worked - really well. I tried so hard to do everything to keep us safe. And in return, they have thrived, and I have not.

Aside from my work - which struggles on the social / popularity side. And lets face it - when you are a women in the workforce - you have to have the popular vote to get anywhere. Not just looks, but the popular vote. It really doesn't matter how well you work, how good your work ethic is, you must look good and be really sociable. So that part is a real struggle for me.

So, here I am. 1245 AM, lonely. About to be 33, absolutely NO friends. (Not even exaggerating anymore). I am a divorced, single woman with 3 children. I support my unwell mother, in one of the most expensive cities and once my savings run out out (hopefully I can stretch it another few months) we are looking at homelessness. But because I technically make "too much money" ((still less than 40k)) I don't qualify for anything. The degree of abuse and torture I have endured in my life puts me in a place were any sort of relationship for the sake of the kids / for the sake of owning a home / or a better rental or anything is out of the question. Every time I try to date - I panic. I can feel the strangulation all over again. I had EMDR - It really helped. I was able to function again. I was able to work and take care of my children again. I was able to recall the memory and not full on black out from the panic.

But, I am no closer now than I was back then to being able to be with anyone. And this is 10 years later. But sometimes I do wonder - If i could just suck it up - If i could just gather the courage and strength - or maybe there was a different medication I could be on - I could meet someone and make it to the point where we could be sort of happy and get a home? The kids --- I want to give them so much better than I had. After the divorce I knew I needed to do something to make sure they had a good life. I enrolled in college. But I was so young and didn't have any real role models. I was taken for the fool that I was. As I write this I am 89k in student loan debt. It really wont matter how much money I make. I wont ever be able to pay that back. Each year I do the repayment options and each year the gov't tells me I don't make enough money to pay them back. So they put me in the Income repayment bracket and I pay $0. Rumor has it, If I don't default on that for 30 years - My Loans will go away. So In 30 years I can buy a home. That hurts. So Much.

Make better choices, do better, stupid people get what they deserve, you chose this path, its what you wanted, you get what you deserve. I worked so hard when I was younger. I was so smart. I tried so hard to be everything. I had plans, I had it all mapped out.

When we were younger - I was asked to stop college to help my brother who had been accepted to an amazing University that my parents were having a hard time paying for. I had chosen to go to a local community college and was paying my way and was going to do the transfer program and that transfer program could have been full ride depending on my grades and grants etc. I quit school. I started working. So my parents could send that money to my brothers school. I had dropped out of highschool, gotten my GED and enrolled into college by 17. ((Military brat - credits didn't transfer and the new highschool was trying to consider me a freshmen. I was in college from 17-18. I was not having any of it).

By 18 I was working full time to help keep my brother in College. By 19 I was pregnant. by 20 I was pregnant with #2. By 21 I was married. My life spiraled so fast out of control. It took me years to get the logistics of it back on track. By 26 I had 2 college degrees. A good job field. By 28 I realized Something maybe was broken inside of me. By 29 it was more and more apparent but I was becoming really engaged in my kids and my work life. 30-31 I started to focus on my body and my work and my kids. Enter 32 // Covid / Work / Kids / less physical health. Here we are - 33 right around the corner. Crippling Student Loan debt. Zero Friends. 4 Humans Depending on me. I have a pill case. One of those AM/PM ones. People at work report me for RBF. (That one makes me laugh a little).

I just bared my soul to strangers on Tumblr. Is this not the epitome of lonely?

(Not suicidal)This is probably more cathartic than anything. Maybe?

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isobel-thorm · 5 years

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All for Grant. >:3c

1) How do they respond to having a song stuck in their head? Does that happen to them often? “Oh God, not that one again” then begrudgingly play it til its out of his head.

2) How do they feel about confronting their friends when issues arise? He’ll only confront them if the situation turns absolutely dire/Grant thinks the friendship is on the brink of disintegrating. He’ll try to keep his own feelings close to his chest if he thinks it’ll lead to a confrontation.

3) When speaking to themselves in their mind, how do they refer to themselves? “You” and a buncha self-deprecating or self-preserving adjectives.

4) Do they enjoy wearing socks/stockings when they aren’t wearing shoes? Not really. Socks get annoying after a while.

5) Do they have any unappealing habits (ex: picking their nose, hawking loogies)? Does nearly nonstop self-hate count?

6) How do they cope with losing a game? Shrug it off and move on

7) How do they cope with losing an argument? Same as the last answer

8) How do they cope with losing a friend? Fuck him up entirely. Losing one if they part ways after a fight is right up there with losing his friends in that skirmish, so a lot of anger/grief goes internal and he either shuts down or turns the blame on himself.

9) How do they cope with losing a lover? Not as upset about losing a friend, but close. It takes him a while to decide he’s even worthy of love, so it’s an outlook of “they’re better off without me.”

10) Do they enjoy sitting on countertops? I wouldn’t say “enjoy” but he does if the place he’s in is cramped and the space allows for it.

11) How expressive is their face? Are they easy to read? Not very expressive/he usually keeps a neutral face, but he expresses himself a lot via expressions, so when he does react to something, a little goes a long way.

12) How do they deal with experiencing physical pain? He’s got a high pain threshold, so he basically just rolls with it.

13) Are they easily insulted? Not at all

14) Would they prefer to act or react? Depends on the situation. In general, react, if there’s an emergency or someone is in danger, then definitely act first.

15) How would they respond to performing on stage? The only way to get him up on a stage would be if you had to administer medical attention on a flat surface while he was unconscious. Can’t respond to being up there if you go out of your way to never get on a stage.

16) Would they ever wear perfume or cologne? When? What would the scent be? He’s not a cologne guy in the least.

17) Could their personality or interests be considered “flighty?” Do they change their mind/interests often? Not at all. He’s got a small handful of interests that never really change/suit him just fine, so he’s happy with them.

18) Do they daydream? Of what? All of the “what if”s if his life hadn’t gone to shit.

19) What is the most inappropriate thing they have ever done in public? Decked a guy in passing for poking fun at an injured homeless vet. It was an emotional day for him to begin with, and it’s not ‘inappropriate’ per se, but he’s still not entirely thrilled he did something that escalated that quickly.

20) What was their favorite toy as a child? Little He-Man figures that his uncles got him.

21) What was their favorite way to play as a child (ex: playing pretend, playing games with rules like tag,)? Playing pretend, though usually it was basically only half a game, because he’d pretend to be a rancher/cowboy in the Old West while helping out at his uncles’ farm.

22) How do the sneeze (ex: loudly, quietly, openly, into their elbow, hold the sneeze in)? Tries to be as quiet as possible, into his arm

23) When engaged in an irritating conversation, how to they conduct themselves? Lots of smiling and nodding.

24) What words make them cringe? “Purpose” , “square” (in a ‘town square’ sense), “guilt”

25) How do they feel in large crowds? Fairly comfortable, though the soldier in him is constantly noting how many exits are around/what have you in case of an emergency where he has to get people out.

26) Would they ever spend an afternoon in a library? What section would they spend the most time in? He probably wouldn’t, but if he had to, probably any place with the comfiest chairs.

27) Do they find it difficult to try new foods? Not at all, he’s willing to try new things right off the bat.

28) If a friend asked them to taste something and it turned out to be unpleasant, how would they handle it? Not let them see him struggle with it, keep his face/voice as pleasant as possible. He’d rather die than hurt their feelings. And he’d wait a few minutes/at least a couple of it’s a quick cooking process and make ‘harmless suggestions’ to try and improve the dish - but deliver the suggestions so blase so it doesn’t seem like he’s actively correcting them and they think it’s mostly their personal change, ie: “Oh, that could use... I don’t know, little something for an extra little kick” “Hmm. Oh, I could add more sugar, even out some of the bitterness!” “Perfect!”

29) Do they wear underwear? 100% of the time, yes

30) Can they pee in front of other people? Only people he’s close to/has known for years.

31) What story gave them nightmares as a child? When his parents talked about getting promotions and the like - which meant less time for him, so he’d dream about them leaving him somewhere/forgetting him/being all alone etc.

32) How would they respond to being handed an infant? Absolutely petrified. He would hate it, fear that he’s tainting the kid and try to hand them off to someone else the first chance they got. He’d definitely have to have someone right there next to him to reassure him that he’s being really good with them. Which is a crime because most babies usually immediately love him.

33) How would they respond to being asked to watch over a child for an afternoon? “Uuuuhhh is there.... someone... else? More qualified?”

34) Do they enjoy climbing trees? No. Doesn’t really see the point.

35) In which of their own skill sets do they have the most confidence? Why? Threat assessment while referring to people, because it’s what he was good at in the Army.

36) Do they enjoy receiving compliments? How do they respond to it? Laugh it off and be super dismissive about it. “Thanks, but not really.”

37) How often are they the one to initiate physical contact? Not very often. He’s got to be in a rare affectionate mood to initiate. If someone else initiates he’d be happy to go along with it, though.

38) Do they prefer salty or sweet things? Sweet

39) Do they get the urge to jump from high places? ... ... You all know the angsty direction I could take this which is ABSOLUTELY true, but for now I’ll say no and be lying through my teeth.

40) Have they every written a dirty letter and actually sent it? Not at all. Dirty communication of any kind isn’t his forte.

41) How would they describe their love life? “Non-existent and loving it” (John or Matthew walk by) “... ... Okay so that was an outright lie and I’m happy.”

42) How would they describe their sex life? “Not bad” - he borders on ace so it doesn’t happen much, which he’s absolutely fine with.

43) Do they hide objects? What and where? He doesn’t hide any objects. He figures he hides enough of his personal life, why add more things to the list?

44) What are their reasons for getting up in the morning (outside of achieving their main goal)? Again there’s a very heavy, very true, very angsty answer that I could go with, but for now - he doesn’t want to disappoint and/or worry Nic, John or Matthew, so he’ll get up for them, then genuinely enjoy the day just because he gets to spend time with them.

45) Who is their greatest confidant? Who confides in them? Nic. She was the first one in years to not pry into his life with annoying, over-asked questions. She didn’t constantly give him pitying looks either. She treated him like a regular person and let him come to her with details about his life, so she earned his trust and friendship, and that gives her confidant status. And it’s mutual for that reason.

46) What is something they’ve always wanted to do, but know they shouldn’t? Tell off his parents for being shitty people. He could, but there’s already been so much damage between them and done to himself he’s afraid he’d rip apart what shreds of a relationship they have left.

47) Is there someone whose laugh makes them laugh as well? Nic again, John on occasion, Whitehorse, Matthew

48) How festive are they on holidays? Depends on who he’s with. If he’s alone, he’ll be vaguely festive. Put him with Nic, or whichever boyfriend he has depending on the Universe, or his family he does have a good relationship with: “Hell yeah, give me that ugly sweater, Hell yeah I’ll help you with the ham, Hell yeah I’ll play Santa for the kids.”

49) How would they respond to their ears ringing for an extended period of time? Would drive him absolutely bonkers and he’ll try any trick in the book to make it stop.

50) How likely is it that they would be the first to point out a full moon or a beautiful sunset? He wouldn’t be the first to point it out but he’d be the first to notice it.

#Deputy Grant #Sad sad sad neutral sad ANGST neutral CHRISTMAS #is exactly how these answers go #amistrio

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tabloidtoc · 4 years

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National Enquirer, September 21

You can buy a copy of this issue for your very own at my eBay store: https://www.ebay.com/str/bradentonbooks

Cover: Prince Andrew silences Jeffrey Epstein’s madam Ghislaine Maxwell

Page 2: Aubrey O’Day is unrecognizable in new photos of the apparently ballooning reality star walking her dogs and letting it all hang out -- the only way to identify the bulky body is from the dogs she’s walking and her signature neck and midriff tattoos

Page 3: Reese Witherspoon has been dragged into a bizarre divorce drama involving her mom and her accused bigamist dad and his second wife -- Reese has been helping her parents untangle the nightmare as they try to freeze out her dad’s ex

Page 4: Jilted Jennifer Aniston feels stabbed in the back by Brad Pitt’s hot new romance with a married model less than half his age and now she’s banned him from her life for good -- Jen was completely sandbagged by Brad jetting off to France with Nicole Poturalski after she’s spent months supporting Brad through his divorce and custody battle with Angelina Jolie during secret meetings at both of their homes, Julia Roberts has moved her family to San Francisco but first she burned her bridges in Los Angeles by cutting ties with old pals

Page 5: Justin and Hailey Bieber bought their dream house for $25.8 million in the Beverly Park area of L.A. but their new neighbors are calling their arrival a nightmare -- residents including Eddie Murphy and Denzel Washington and Sylvester Stallone are less than thrilled with the new kids next door because this is an old-school crowd that prides itself on privacy and Justin’s clashes with previous neighbors and party-hearty reputation aren’t exactly a selling point and nobody wants to deal with his adolescent drama

Page 6: Brave Chadwick Boseman married longtime girlfriend Taylor Simone Ledward mere months before he lost his four-year battle with colon cancer to seal their love and ensure she’d be provided for when he was gone -- Chadwick was worth an estimated $12 million and was deeply grateful to Simone for staying by his side as he fought for his life -- Chadwick and Simone had an intimate ceremony witnessed by family at his home after he realized his personal fight was unwinnable

Page 7: Gwen Stefani has reined in country stallion Blake Shelton and his buddies are complaining his new life has broke up the old gang -- Blake was once a fixture on the Nashville bar scene where he owns his honky-tonk Ole Red but Gwen has tightened the leash on her former fun-loving guy and he’s cut back big time -- Blake is trying to show Gwen he can be a responsible person and a good husband and stepfather to her kids, Bruce Willis and Demi Moore are planning to reunite as co-stars on Broadway -- Bruce has been speaking to producers about finding a project on the Great White Way and he’s been pushing for ex-wife Demi to join him

Page 8: Prison-bound Lori Loughlin may serve time in a California town so ravaged by drugs it’s been dubbed Methville -- the convicted college admissions scammer has requested to do her two-month stint at the Federal Correctional Institution in Victorville where the drug scene could have been ripped straight out of Breaking Bad, Hollywood Hookups -- Liam Payne and Maya Henry are engaged, Becca Kufrin and Garrett Yrigoyen split, Trevor Noah and Minka Kelly are dating

Page 9: Justin Hartley’s reality star ex Chrishell Stause is hell-bent on ditching any memories of their time together so she dumped his prized belongings in the trash -- because of Justin’s hasty departure Chrishell was left with many of his belongings including watches and clothes and CDs and books and other items of sentimental value and he wanted them dropped off or mailed back to him but Chrishell demanded he meet her in person for a face-to-face drop-off where they could clear up some lingering issues but Justin never showed and she decided to treat his stuff like they said he treated her and she tossed it out

Page 10: Hot Shots -- Kristen Taekman exercising in Malibu, Jason Momoa at a Hollywood juice bar, Rob Schneider performed at a drive-in show in Ventura, Brian Austin Green got an eyeful of cheeky galpal Tina Louise

Page 11: Prince Harry and Meghan Markle will launch their megabucks production deal with a tribute to his beloved mother Princess Diana -- Harry doesn’t want Diana’s memory to fade and wants to create a definitive work to honor her and he’d be able to share the intimate memories only he knows in a way that’s never before been seen -- Queen Elizabeth and Prince Charles are sure to be devastated by this; they’re happy for Harry to forge a new path and live his own life as long as he leaves them out of it

Page 12: Straight Shuter -- Bradley Cooper on the set of Paul Thomas Anderson’s latest film (picture), Jennifer Lopez is the hardest working person in show business and expects the same work ethic from fiance Alex Rodriguez and wants him to get out of the house and get a job, Ellen DeGeneres wants her talk show to be more diverse and give lesser-known celebrities exposure plus the show will have more regular guests such as ordinary people doing extraordinary things especially in communities of color and guests will no longer be encouraged to flatter Ellen’s ego, Madonna celebrated her 62nd birthday with her 26-year-old boyfriend Ahlamalik Williams and they’re talking marriage

Page 13: Rihanna said she’s forgiven her ex-boyfriend Chris Brown for brutally attacking her and that she still truly loves him

Page 14: Crime -- gruesome unsolved murders and mysterious suicides and head-scratching accidents contributed to a staggering 142 deaths in just four years at the U.S. Army’s Fort Hood in Texas

Page 16: American Life -- my night of terror with Hurricane Laura

Page 17: Ailing rocker Ozzy Osbourne swears he’ll have to be carried offstage before he retires, country legend Loretta Lynn set some tongues wagging when she announced she had tied the knot with Kid Rock but it was just a joke while they were both attending the vow renewal ceremony of Loretta’s son and his wife

Page 18: Jason Aldean’s Nashville watering hole is a hotbed of brutal brawling that left one man with a permanently maimed mug according to accusations in court documents -- in 2020 alone a whopping five lawsuits seeking up to $5.55 million in total damages have been filed against Jason Aldean’s Kitchen and Rooftop Bar

Page 19: Carrie Underwood’s happy home life may be on thin ice as husband Mike Fisher is eyeing a return to the hockey rink -- after being holed up during the pandemic in Tennessee and driven crazy by Carrie’s obsessive-compulsive ways Mike is considering a coaching gig and has even entertained offers from his native Canada

Page 22: Tyler Perry who was once penniless and homeless is officially a billionaire according to Forbes magazine -- Tyler overcame some of life’s greatest hardships and is a great example of how determination and hard work can lead to success

Page 24: Carol Burnett was named temporary guardian of her teenage grandson after alleging that his mom is a hopeless drug addict -- the 87-year-old comedy legend and her third husband Brian Miller will have custody of 14-year-old Dylan through January 8, 2021

Page 28: Cover Story -- Sex pervert Jeffrey Epstein’s accused madam Ghislaine Maxwell is spilling her guts to prosecutors about some of the world’s most powerful men but she won’t rat out Britain’s Prince Andrew and that could torpedo the feds’ attempts to grill the prince about his friendship with the billionaire pedophile -- she’s petrified that if she talks the all-powerful royal family will have her murdered because she’s convinced the royals ordered a prison hit on Epstein

Page 32: Disgraced chef Paula Deen has been tightening her belt since the collapse of her multimillion-dollar empire -- 7 years after cooking her own goose by making racist comments and condoning porn in the workplace the loss of her Food Network show along with several corporate sponsors has pushed Paula to pull in the purse strings, Shania Twain wants to celebrate her upcoming tenth wedding anniversary with husband Frederic Thiebaud by renewing their vows -- the couple hopes pandemic restrictions are relaxed in time for their January 1 anniversary as they plan to invite close friends and family to a bash in the Bahamas

Page 36: Bloated brothers-in-law Rob Kardashian and Kanye West are bonding over blubber and the portly pals have committed to work together in their battle against the bulge -- Kanye is impressed with Rob’s recent 30-pound drop and has begged him for weight-loss advice -- Kanye hopes that cutting the fat will prove to his wife that he’s committed to self-improvement, Brooks Laich is trying to swing another round on the dance floor with his estranged wife Julianne Hough by offering her an open marriage and Julianne seems very open to the idea -- they’ve been a lot happier lately and more relaxed and the sparks seem to be back between them

Page 38: Health

Page 42: Red Carpet -- Elizabeth Debicki

Page 45: Spot the Differences -- Joy Bauer

Page 47: Odd List -- the mayor of Danbury in Connecticut jokingly renamed the sewage plant after John Oliver

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lastkidpicked-blog1 · 6 years

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POST 8. Snowflake to Avalanche. Some cast writing.

Rhain was the first to send some writing in, in relation to the project. This will now change some as we are aiming for a humorous delivery. I thought she had some very strong ideas.

Matthew also provided some writing but mistook Rhains questions as ones the whole group would answer. Despite this some strong ideas still emerged.

RHIAN’S 1st Draft.

From Snowflakes To an Avalanche

A few thoughts…

Baby Boomers: Born 1946-1964 (54-72 years old) Generation X: Born 1965-1980 (38-53 years old) Millennials: Born 1981-1996 (22-37 years old) Post-Millennials: Born 1997-Present (0-21 years old)

1. Why are Millennials so depressed?

Older generations do not understand that a new era has came with the internet that has changed the functioning of society forever. Young people are now experienced widespread guilt, shame and disillusionment from a hand held device that they never let go of. We are bombarded constantly through social media that has affected our attitudes negatively, as seeing posts about atrocities or violence constantly and only able to help by feeding into a go fund me page is debilitating to any person. We are also confronted with racial issues, terrorist attacks, bullying, body shaming and suicide, on top of this contemporary shame, inherited colonial trauma affects our generation the most due to its ever growing acceptance of otherness and feelings of empathy. We also face unrealistic success standards everyone feels they must portray, this is isolating for those who feel less accomplished. We are constantly bombarded by the entire worlds every day, all day on our most prized possession. Then trying to live up to our parents standards, who expect young people to be able to go out and get a job when the economy is vastly different from when they were young and the jobs that are available are a much more competitive process than ever before.

2. Why do millennials treat sexuality and mental illness like fashion statements?

The acceptance of difference has never been higher among society and so has resulted in many claiming dignity in their sexuality or gender. The older generation say there are more gay people than ever or is it just that more gay people feel able to express themselves in today's climate? Perhaps our generational guilt and depression stems partly from the oppression systematically enforced by generation Z? It has not become in style to self harm or self destruct or self express, we just now have the internet to try and not feel so alone and through the internet have found ways of supporting one another.

3. Why are millennials so concerned with political correctness?

A struggle for the baby boomer generation is understanding the difference between political correctness and causal racism. The younger generation is in constant cahoots with all other races, we do not have time for casual racism let alone brexit, as we see the struggle of refugees daily and we see ourselves in people from other countries as we are more exposed now to other cultures than ever before, a reason to be grateful for our privilege of being able explore further in the world more than ever before through travel agencies or social media.

4. Do you really find traditional family life so appalling?

A traditional life is no longer appealing to a millennial who has inherited a need for something greater than the generation before. New families are being introduced and a nuclear family setting although still a viable option is seemingly not stimulating enough in this new GO GO GO media society.

5. Everything has been handed to you. When you are so pampered, how do you feel an existential loneliness?

The previous generation believe they have pushed the world in a state of progression and although this is true in a sense that millenials are the most privileged generation yet in terms of material possessions. Now our things are collectively worth years wages of the baby boomer generation and this is supposed to make us the happiest generation! All this proves is that material things are worthless and due to our higher education standard, we are also more aware that there are more homeless people on the street than ever with empty housing being held by the government, government aid being stripped from the disabled and redirected into military programs and referendums and the government are the enemy to our generation with tensions that were beautifully displayed between Stormzy and Theresa May after the Grenfell Tower Fire.

6. Why are millennials so worked up over bodily ownership?

The fact that a room full of mostly rich men decide what people and more particularly women can and can not do with their bodies regardless of context is a disturbing, whether they were voted by a majority into power or not, these issues are for a body and a body alone and laws regarding the body should all depend on its autonomous state. This isn’t generational just common sense???

Phrases and images

Inspiring-

‘Keep on truckin’’

‘A minute at a time’

‘This too must pass’

MATTHEW’S FIRST DRAFT.

why are millennials so depressed? It seems the ideas of success and wealth are now measured more than ever on celebrity ideals, with talentless kids such as lil pump being worth a reported 6.5 million dollars at 18. How can anyone in the real world live up to these ridiculous ways, social media is at the forefront of almost all depression id argue. Whether it is girls comparing themselves to cosmetic Barbie dolls or guys seeing footballers flashing super cars, when it comes down to it social media is a place where life looks so perfect. Thus leaving kids to believe in this perfection and in turn ask why they aren't perfect or as happy as others. Why do millennials treat sexuality and mental illness like fashion statements? We live in a society where we are told to think outside the box and be different and if you aren't different you are somehow boring or just seen as 'normal' which is something nobody wants to be branded as. therefore this generation is using sexuality and mental illness to try and define themselves and stand out from the crowd. However the numbers of people in this generation that suffer with depression and anxiety are astronomically high, and therefore it is probably more individual and different to say that you don't have a mental illness, which is sad. As for sexuality it is getting more and more socially acceptable to be openly gay, and even though some say that this causes people to think they are something they are not. some people disagree with the fact that there were probably just as many gay men and women in the 80s as there is now, it is just acceptable for gay people to be open and public about it now as was not the way in the 80s. Why are millennials so concerned with political correctness? Political correctness is often misinterpreted as just not accepting 'causal racism' we all know someone who will start a sentence with "I'm not racist but..." and then proceed to say something which is in fact just racist. usually this will be from someone of an older generation but not always and where as with the older generations I find it easier to forgive as that was the norm back when they were growing up so they have not changed with the times and is harmless, however there are some members of these generations that are just ignorant and really are racists this is often not the case. it is members of my own generation which I can't forgive this casual racism, I was brought up in the same world as them and I don't use these racial slurs or statements so why should they, it is out of pure bigotry that they choose not to accept that racism should just simply not be acceptable in this day in age. Do you really find traditional family life so appalling?

I feel this is born out of some misconstrued idea that to be successful you have to have no 'distractions' and a family is seen as the main 'distraction'. It feels like people have to make the decision to either be successful or be happy, but why can't we have both?. Everything has been handed to you. When you are so pampered, how do you feel an existential loneliness?

It is this idea that we have everything given to us and we are the most equipped generation to succeed that there ever has been that causes this existential loneliness, as we are told we have the tools to do whatever we want yet we still fail. But rather than putting it down to being human and having to fail in order to succeed, we bury any dreams we have in the fear that we won't succeed. And it is this which leads to the loneliness. The pressure put on kids now is greater than ever before as there aren't as many jobs for people and we are told if you don't have a degree you won't be able to get a job, where as generations of the past were born in to a Britain which had more opportunities as they could go and work down the pit or work in a ship yard or some sort of manufacturing jobs. where as now we have been replace by machines, and we have to fight and scratch to get opportunities for jobs.

#snowflake

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surveys-at-your-service · 8 years

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Survey #76

“yeah, you’re a crazy bitch, but you fuck so good.”

do you ever think about what went wrong in your last relationship? we each made mistakes, and i feel more certain of this now that jason and i have talked. i, for one, gave up on life while still being alive. on jason's end, he, too, gave up on me instead of trying to rebuild me. do you know your best friend’s middle name? yes, colleen. she goes by her middle name, but her "real" name is elizabeth. you have to get a piercing, what do you get? vertical labret on my lip. would you rather have a poodle or a rottweiler? a standard poodle. ever driven into the ghetto to buy drugs? no. mom denies it and got pissed once when i mentioned it, but we once lived in sharpsburg, and that was totally the ghetto. do you own a gun? as i'm mentally ill/have had suicidal tendencies, i legally can't. my mother even can't because i live with her. would you rather sleep with someone or alone? with someone. while it's less comfortable, it's comforting. are there any songs that remind you of falling snow? or any songs that remind you of winter time but are not necessarily about that? dude, i have noooo idea why, but for whatever reason, "dreamer" by ozzy osbourne definitely brings to mind winter for me personally. is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? hmmm, i don't think so... but then again, i live under a rock and am not informed on what's coming out so- wAIT IS OUTLAST 2 OUT YET what is something you wish you had learned earlier that you know now? how would this have helped you if you'd known it then? i don't know if there's anything, honestly... i used to say i wish i'd known jason would leave me, but i guess i don't now. because i loved, beyond explanation. i loved with such a naive innocence, and i don't regret that. when you’re interested in someone, do you let them know? according to my history, i do. what was the last compliment you received? someone liked my hair. i got compliments on it non-stop at the hospital. do you have any siblings? are they older / younger?   including half-siblings, tiffany, misty, bobby, katie, and ashley are older. nicole is younger. have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it has been pierced before, and i plan on doing it again very soon. favorite shoes you have EVER owned? the finding nemo once i had as a kid were fly as FUCK allergic to? pollen and silver favorite fruit? strawberries who was your first prom date? jason where did you live the first time you moved out of your parent’s house? i lived with jason, amanda, and jacob. if you were to have sex right now, would you use a condom? in almost all cases, yes. the only situation where i wouldn't is if i was with jason at this very moment and he wanted to have sex, and he didn't have any. just apply the pull out method, and besides that, i shouldn't be ovulating right now, so i wouldn't get pregnant. do you think it’s bad to have sex at your age? no, i'm an adult. have you ever wanted to get drunk and take your mind off of everything? i sure have. how long do you think you will live? eh, probably early 80s, maybe even 70s... i'm not the healthiest person, mentally and physically. have you ever been stung by a bee? i have not. do you like the snow? very much so. how old are you? do you feel as old as you are? i am 21, but i certainly don't feel it. does the quality of a video, on youtube or a television, matter to you? at least very mildly, sure. it needs to be watchable at least. do you tend to listen to music that embraces your mood or does music dictate your mood? is it a little bit of both? i tend to embrace my mood with the music i pick. are there any books or films that have influenced your philosophy? if so, is there one you could name in particular? "johnny got his gun," i r8 8/8 what is the cutest animal? meerkat pups, oh my GOSH what seasons seems most fitting to your personality? in what ways and why? autumn, because everything is dying. :'D do you think you would be a good parent? i don't know, honestly... blue, black, or red pens; or another color? black do you like watching people play video games? yes, i do!! idk why, it's just entertaining to me. when was the last time you swam in a pool? years ago what are your parents views on sex? err, in regards to what about it exactly? have you ever babysat before? yeah, for the neighbor. if your current boyfriend/crush suddenly moved away what would you do? i'd be pretty devastated, honestly. if your best friend revealed she was a homosexual, what would you do? well that'd be a problem, as she's married to a man. i'd be pretty concerned about what she'd do. have you ever dreamed about your wedding? i have. do you delete pictures of you and your exes off of facebook? nope. j and my pictures are still up there. ever plaigarised? no. i have too much respect as a writer. do you edit your profile pictures before posting them? i do minor adjustments, of course. i was a digital photography student, we know aaall about the mandatory deception of editing. :P what's your middle name? marie what's your wallpaper on your phone? lock screen is the bogeyman from "silent hill: downpour," but the artwork is from "anne's story." home screen is pyramid head from the white hunter comic. favorite tv commercial? the dirty mr. clean commercial mAKES ME SOB YA'LL SHOULDA SEEN ME THE OTHER DAY I WAS DONE what is your favorite type of cat? hmmm. persians, sphinxes, ragdoll, etc... what religion were you raised in? are you still that religion, if you had one? catholicism, and no. i'm christian now. would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? nooooo. how many times is your cartilage pierced in your ears? once. do you prefer to spend more time with your SO, family, or friends? why? in my history, my s.o. jason really just touched this part of my brain that just REALLY made me happy. if you see a homeless person asking for money, do you give them any? i'm not going to lie, no. i don't know that person, and WAY too many assholes are deceptive little shits. what will immediately disqualify a potential SO? smoking, doing drugs, excessive drinking, abusive past, and i'm certain there are others i'm forgetting... i am honestly VERY picky. when was the last time you really panicked? when i overdosed a few days back. do you ever get eczema? nope. have you ever witnessed a serious physical fight? i have not. is there anyone you would do literally anything for? honestly, yes. i'd kill for jason. it's very unhealthy and i wish the mentality would stop, but i honestly can't do much about it... do you enjoy corn on the cob? i do. in your opinion, what's the ideal age to start having children? about mid-20s. what's the longest you've ever slept in one go? it HAD to be almost 12 hours. jason and i were up almost the entire night being horny whores and when i fell asleep, i was GONE. have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? no. does caffeine affect you, or not so much? not very much at all. would you ever want to follow down the career path of your parents? no. but then again, they both dropped out of/didn't go to college, so... guess i'm not too far off. do you think “sleeve tattoos” are a good idea? *sexual moaning* if you have any tattoos, do you reckon you might regret them when you get older and have children? i sure won't. is there anything in particular that your parents argue about? what? just gonna say there's a reason they're divorced. do you act differently around the person you like? i mean, i'm happier. kissed someone you didn’t like? on the cheek, never on the lips. ran a red light? no. experienced love at first sight? nope. pointed a gun at someone? no. had a gun pointed at you? no. dumped someone? yep. lied to avoid a ticket? no. ridden in a helicopter? no. made your girlfriend/boyfriend cry? i woulda preferred you to rip my fucking heart out. eaten snake? omg no. puked on amusement ride? no. been in a band? nope. been in handcuffs? i've been in full-body shackles on one occasion. i was going from the mental hospital to the court. what is your favorite breakfast food? pancakes. who do you (romantically) love? my ex, jason. do you enjoy kissing? sure, yeah. what about making out? i r8 8/8 m8 where are you most ticklish? MY FEET HOLY SHIT where do you want to get married? gothic-styled mansion or similar building pls do you plan on having both your parents at your wedding? yes. have you ever slow danced to a song you didn't know? no. if you could travel anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? south africa. i want to photograph the meerkats at the kalahari meerkat project. describe your perfect partner. his name's jason. would you prefer to be a vampire or a werewolf? vampire, i think. the werewolf transformation seems painful. most embarrassing moment? borderline having a panic attack because i was like really close to having an orgasm for the first time and i didn't understand what was happening to my body lmao. jason was super cute and sweet about it though and helped me calm down. would you ever consider getting married? i want to get married. if it were possible, what exotic animal would you keep as a pet? if it weren't so bad for them, i'd totally have a meerkat. what is your least favorite thing about your appearance? my stomach. ew. have you ever had a bonfire on the beach? no, but that sounds cool. do you listen to music while driving? it has to be VERY quiet. or else i can't concentrate. have you ever received an autograph from a celebrity? no. can you honestly say you’ve been drunk before? i have. is there a certain color of eyeshadow you prefer, if you wear eyeshadow? black as my soul. would you ever do something you didn't enjoy sexually just to please your partner? depends on what, really. like there are some situations where i'd absolutely draw the line, but here's an example: i don't like oral, but i guess i'd give it sometimes if it made him happy. when was the last time you watched south park? probably not since j and i were together... i remember one occasion where we chilled in my room for hours watching it. are you italian? no. where’s the nearest game stop near you? in rocky mount, by wal-mart. do you have any best friends that you only know online? i guess i still consider mini at least a very close friend, despite not talking much. i have other very close friends too, but not best, i guess. if you could, would you want to stay young forever? yes. being elderly is just, in general, inconvenient. not saying old people are, just the state of being old is. are you interested in anime? no more, no less than the usual person. hogwarts house: just took a quiz, and apparently i'm a mix of all? i very well coulda been off, 'cuz there was a lot of harry potter terminology that i don't know... what’s “out of bounds” for you during sex? do. not. hit me aggressively. main thing. hickies - get ‘em or give ‘em? i enjoy getting 'em, enjoy giving 'em. are you okay with rough sex? hell yeah. i think i'd prefer soft and sensual more frequently, but i'm not totally opposed to just fucking. how big was the biggest dick you’ve ever seen? was it in a porn or in real life? this survey sure took a sexual turn. but i've only ever seen one penis, so... how do you feel about daddy dom/little girl roleplaying? nO JUST NO do you have any sexual regrets? i regret not going all the way with j. he was my first love, and he deserved to know me in every single way possible. have you had anal? no, and i don't want it. do you like to spank/be spanked? i like being spanked, but not too hard. do you like teasing or would you rather get straight to the point? tEASE TEASE TEEEEEAAAAAASE are you able to have emotionless sex? fuck that. sex should be the epitome of physical displays of affection, imo. does penis size really matter? honest to god, i don't care. it's not like a man can choose how "well-off" he is. describe an orgasm. oh wow. i don't actually think i've ever properly orgasmed, but i was extremely close once and totally panicked. it felt totally otherworldly, and i honestly felt like screaming, puking, and just exploding all at once??? i was so scared at first, but as i calmed down, shit was awesome. what’s the longest time you’ve had sex for? never had sex, but done sexual things for hours... like, all night. if you could change the person you lost your virginity to, would you? i would change the fact i didn't lose my virginity to jason. what’s something sexual that you thought you wouldn’t like, but ended up liking? anr/abf surprised the FUCK out of me. i honestly thought it'd be really awkward and uncomfortable, but it's honestly an extremely stimulating and motherly sensation okay i'll stop before this turns into a pornish thing. but basically it taught me ya can't totally judge some things 'til you try it. give your best sex advice, GO. uhhh. ever tried sucking on your partner's tongue while making out? turned my ex the fuck on, at least. would you say you’re good in bed? have evidence i was good enough. do you like gagging on cock/having someone gag on your cock? why? i just choked on my fucking drink. but no, because i like air. when it comes to oral, are you gentle? do you use your hands too? i. was so. timid giving oral. i was so scared i was going to hurt him. i don't think i've ever used my hands at the same time. okay, how do you feel about handjobs? since we were stuck with foreplay due to my abstinence, we relied on handjobs a lot. they're great. have you had any unwanted pain during sex? i've had pain while being fingered, sure. but i guess it wasn't entirely unwanted. has anyone drew blood from you during sex, whether it was by cutting, biting, or scratching? how did you feel about that? no, never. have you ever fucked someone who was sad? did it help them emotionally or make it worse? i'm sure i have, and he's done it to me when i was sad plenty of times, and yes, it's honestly a great mood booster. are you more submissive or dominant? i'm definitely more submissive. who’s your ideal sexual partner? jason was nothing short of perfect. are you accepting “applications” for a partner? lmao fuck that i don't do no "applications" for this kinda shit. who was your first kiss with? first person to kiss me was juan, but the first person i kissed who reciprocated my kiss was jason. how far have you gone sexually? depends on how you rank sexual things, idk...? did you shave your legs today? done with the sexual questions, eh? anyway, no. have you ever made out with someone in public at all? no. do you think masturbation is dirty? not necessarily dirty, just lustful. have you ever made out in a hot tub? *adds to bucket list* do you play with the other persons hair when you kiss? jason had long hair for a male, to his shoulders, and yeah, i liked playing with it. have you ever smoked pot? nope. do you sing in front of people? NOOOOO. ever lived in a trailer park? no. have you ever had dandruff? no, but i have a dry scalp. though both cause flaking, they're still different. what would people say about you at your funeral? i was very quiet and thought too much. what lessons in life did you learn to hard way? your actions have consequences. would you ever give up your life to save another? i'm not going to pretend to be a superhero. it depends on who it is. what is stopping you from living the life you want to live? money, health, willpower... ever held a newborn animal? kittens, yes. how do you dress when you’re not at work? i don't have a job, so. but when i'm home anyway, i'm dressed for comfort, usually in my pajamas. if i'm going out, i will dress usually in something like yoga pants and a graphic tee. do you care overly about other people? the only person i'd say i care "overly" about is jason. what was your favorite pokemon as a child? charmander (: do you know what the heck the difference is between the statements “we’re just dating” and “we’re together”? technically the same in my honest opinion, but at the same time, "we're dating" also sounds more casual. if a person is brought up speaking both spanish and english in equal amounts and equally fluently, which language do they think in? *KA-BOOM* have you ever thought about getting your lip pierced? it was pierced for many years, and i'm planning on getting it re-pierced very soon. last film you watched? i just finished "finding dory" actually, now i'm watching "zootopia." when consuming a beverage that comes in a can, do you prefer to drink it directly from the can or do you pour it into a cup? i like to drink it from the can. tastes sliiightly different and is colder. what do you do to cure a headache? sleep or take medicine. do you still possess any belongings from your childhood? do they hold some special significance? absolutely. i actually have two things i call "treasure boxes" where i hold certain, very special belongings. nostalgia overdose. are any of your fingers or toes deformed? what about the nails? no. i would, however, call one of my nails unusual. my right ring finger, its nail curves inward towards the base definitely more than it should. it's so weird considering both my immediate sisters have it, too. when yawning, do you cover your mouth? always in public, yes. it just seems polite. as a kid, did you love playing on neopets? neopets and webkinz were my SHIT. i was more into webkinz, but neopets was amazing, too. i loved the dragon one and the newer one that looked like a doggish thing with a stripe going down its body? i think it started with an "x"? what is the background on your desktop? why’d you choose that? on my own laptop, it's trico and the boy from "the last guardian" bc i love that game and its artwork. on the laptop i've been using for like three months, it's a picture of my sister ashley and her baby aubree at the beach. are you comfortable with people going through your phone? no, and i don't know why, actually...? like i have NOTHING bad on there, it's just... weird? do you tend to daydream a lot? if so, about what? i do, aaaaa lot. aaand it's always about jason. e_e have any interesting conversations lately? ohhh god. not necessarily a convo, but lemme just make this known. chelsea: *creates fire w/ hairspray and lighter* *screams ensue* YOU ALMOST MADE ME COME HARDER THAN JASON EVER HAS then came the laughter and the stomachache from all the heaving what do you have pierced on you? now? only my ear lobes, and i'm livid about it. i had to take my fucking piercings out at the hospital, and they closed up. my ear lobes didn't tho, i guess 'cuz i've had them since childhood... but i am actually pissed. where do your grandparents live? maternal: well, she technically lives in florida, but stays in new york with her son's family a load. paternal: michigan. pencils; mechanical or traditional? mechanical, by far. eliminates the need to sharpen. what was the last zoo/aquarium you went to? asheboro zoo or whatever it's called. what is the last big risk you took? did it pay off? talking to jason face-to-face, absofuckinglutely. that could've so easily ended in another suicide attempt. but anyway, yes, it paid off. what's the closest you've come to death? overdosing, i guess. what chocolate is your favorite? milk who is your favorite blogger? i don't really have one. what was the best thing you were given? jason's love and attention, even if just for three and a half years of my life. have you ever cheated on your partner? nope. are you over your past? not in the slightest. did you try to change for a person? ha. he left too soon to give me a chance. e_e are you in a good or bad mood? eh, i'm good for now. name someone you can’t live without. no one. after losing jason, well, i'm sure i can survive without anyone, ultimately. are you a crybaby? 10/10 do people praise you for your looks? no. SEXIEST disney character that's not human? okay sorrynotsorry but scar and steele are SEXY do you believe in the phrase “if it’s meant to be, it will be”? ha! no, sorry. i refuse to believe jason and i weren't "meant to be." what do you put on hotdogs? ketchup and mustard do you know how to play chess? no. did you/are you going to go to prom? i went to jason's senior and my senior. man... i remember how shy he was when he asked me... it was so cute. :/ what’s the most physically painful thing you’ve ever experienced? having a pilonidal cyst opened and drained while still conscious and insufficiently drugged. FUCK THAT. what’s the most emotionally/mentally painful thing you’ve ever experienced? jason leaving me. have you ever legitimately saved a person’s life? not to my knowledge. are you a very open or private person? open online, private af irl what do you get complimented on the most? my hair who was the last person you talked about sex with? chelsea or colleen what was the last deep conversation you had about? jason. i was talking with chelsea. why do some girls become so dependent on their boyfriend/husband? well, i, for one, was rather dependent on jason, and it was because i needed a pillar, and he was strong, but i guess i put too much weight on him... i had no fucking idea it was too much. as well, it was because i am not an independent person. i'm a follower and act like a dog on a leash towards the people i trust. it's simply my desire to be a loyal companion. i don't know how to change that. do you enjoy going to church? i do, but not for TOO long. what do you have tattoos of/what do you want tattoos of? oh god. you asked for it. as for tats i have, i have a semicolon butterfly on my right wrist, "perfectly flawed" written on my left, upper arm, and "ohana" written on my right collarbone. as for what i want, i have about 100 ideas, but i'm going to only list the ones i am quite serious about. my next tat is of "denialism" by da's tatchit, and it's going on my right upper arm as a half-sleeve. here's the list: - "... and you ain't got his smile" written maybe under my left breast. it's a harley quinn quote, and i want it as dedication to jason. which no, i will not regret. - the magic sigil thing from "shadow of the colossus" somewhere - either a pyramid head, robbie the rabbit, or halo of the sun tat to pay tribute to "silent hill" - "he who knows pain is dangerous" written somewhere, which is a rammstein lyric, in either english or maybe german - spider sternum tattoo - a hydra coming towards the viewer with "from slave to master, i've become the hydra" (otep lyric) written in a semi-circle above it. i honestly want this on my lower stomach, like, starting above my private, but i most likely will not do this. still thinking of where to relocate it. - "i believe what doesn't kill you simply makes you stranger" written somewhere, a quote from the joker. - "how long is forever?" "sometimes, just one second" from "alice in the wonderland." i want the quotes in speech bubbles vertical of each other. - a harley quinn-esque design with "rotten" written on it. on my right asscheek. yeah. talk about slutty lmao. - a large viper on one of my hips. - three sketch-style arrows going down my left lower arm - "once upon a time, i ripped the wings from my spine, but when i hide inside your eyes, i still pretend that i can fly" (otep lyric) written along my spine I HAVE SO MUCH MORE. but my phone's dead (i have more ideas on there) and i have even more saved to my dead computer... are most of the adults you know married or divorced? divorced... it's so sad. :/ when was the last time you were mistaken for a mom? at therapy some time ago. mom was with me, and she was babysitting. what is your mom’s and dad’s favorite tv show? mom's: "the big bang theory," probably. dad, idk. have you ever suspected your mom or dad of having an affair? nope do you think buying second hand clothes is gross? certainly not. does it gross you out when your parents kiss? well, they're divorced, sooo... does your dad swear? yeah. do you sweat easily? i sweat like an obese pig. it's due to one of my medications. if your last kiss asked you on a date, what would you say? "absolutely!" when you like someone, do you picture what your children will look like? no. when was the last time you drank strawberry milk? elementary school when i tried it for the first time. absolutely fucking disgusting. do you own a pair of fingerless gloves? yup. i was big into that in high school. did you have a good driver’s ed teacher? he was fine, but i am 100% certain that on one occasion, if i had listened to him, we would have died. if you have siblings, which one of you is going to be married first? ashley's already married, i'll probably never find anyone, so i guess nicole's next. did you kiss the last person you really wanted to kiss? like, do you mean did i kiss him the last time i wanted to kiss him? if so, no. he barely even let me hug him. when your last relationship ended, how long was it before you felt ready to think about being with someone else? it's been over a year and i still don't feel entirely ready. do you think it’s wrong for someone to commit themselves to a long-term relationship at a young age? explain. no, and there's no real need to explain...? obviously, even young people are capable of sincere love? are you legal to drink? yep. do you have any dirty pictures on your cellphone? i do not. what do you want more than anything in this world? jason. last time you felt physical pain? earlier today. my stomach was hurting. last time you felt emotional pain? i'm clinically depressed. i live with emotional pain. what are you listening to? "american horror story" is on. it's actually a ptsd trigger, so i'm trying to watch it again to like... edit the memory. i'm doing it with chelsea so i won't be alone. do you like your handwriting? i do. do you own any dresses? if so, what colors are they? i do not. i wish. when was the last time you went tanning? never. have you ever been in a car accident? quite a mild one.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered

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onenationprinc-blog · 6 years

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Meet the British whiz kid who fights for justice with a robo-lawyer sidekick

Joshua Browder/Facebook Joshua Browder/Facebook There’s a line in Shakespeare’s Henry VI in which one character offers his take on how to improve life for everyone in England. “The first thing we do,” he says, “let’s kill all the lawyers.” Jump forward 400 years and 21-year-old British computer whiz kid Joshua Browder doesn’t want to kill all the lawyers — but his robot lawyer may just help delete them. A few years ago, then-18 year old Browder created an A.I. chatbot called DoNotPay, designed to help anyone who needed it to appeal parking tickets for free. In his own words, it was a “side project just to impress a few friends.” But it became something more than that. After receiving a series of parking tickets himself, Browder was shocked by the lack of available free resources to help him. Even worse, he discovered an underclass of lawyer who would help complete the necessary forms, but wanted half the cost of the ticket in order to do so. Shortly thereafter, a new project was born. “I’m just doing this from my dorm room.” His hacked-together robot lawyer works by guiding users through a series of questions, like whether or not parking signs were clearly visible when they parked, as part of the appeals process. When DoNotPay launched online, it went viral almost immediately. Within a short space of time, it had helped successfully appeal $4 million worth of tickets. Today, Browder pegs that figure at around $12 million. “I’m just doing this from my dorm room,” Browder, now a computer science major at Stanford University, told Digital Trends. “It’s not like it’s something that’s got a big corporation behind it. I just love coding, and I’ve coded something I’m lucky enough is now being used by hundreds of thousands of people.” Know your rights The problem, he says, is that most people have no idea about their rights. That’s a big issue because most of us turn out to be very compliant: we’ll complain about a parking ticket to our friends or partner, but we’ll ultimately pay it because… well, surely the people issuing the fines know what they’re doing! Since launching DoNotPay, Browder has expanded the service, working with a small team of volunteer lawyers to do so. The DoNotPay chatbot can now help people get access to government housing, dispute an airline charge, resolve problems with landlords, and hundreds of other use-cases. Recently, Browder launched an update that helps people in the U.S. get the absolute cheapest airfare. To do this, it continually searches for lower-priced tickets, even after you’ve made a purchase, and then finds a legal loophole to help you cancel the old one and rebook at the lower price. The difference in cost gets refunded straight to your bank account. “It’s really exciting to give access to justice for people,” he continued. “In the U.S., and I think a similar statistic is true in the U.K., over 80 percent of those who need lawyers can’t actually afford it. By making this service free I can help people to access the justice that they need.” An update helps people in the U.S. get the absolute cheapest airfare. Browder comes from a dauntingly high-achieving family. His father, Bill Browder, is an American-born British financier, previously CEO and co-founder of the largest foreign portfolio investment firm in Russia, before being banned from the country for allegedly exposing corruption. His grandfather, Felix Browder, was an American mathematician known for his work in nonlinear functional analysis, who at one time served as president of the American Mathematical Society. However, it’s his great grandfather that Browder cites as perhaps his biggest source of inspiration. Earl Russell Browder was an American political activist who was leader of the Communist Party USA during the 1930s and first half of the 1940s. “In the 1940s, he actually ran for President of the United States on the communist ticket,” Browder said. “He was like the Bernie Sanders of his day. There were big problems with exploitation and worker rights. He used to do these huge campaigns to help people fight for their rights, mailing out thousands of letters to people.” Using modern technology, Browder says that he believes it’s possible to scale “those same great principles to help make the world a slightly better place.” The ‘Mark Zuckerberg house’ Which brings us to DoNotPay, circa 2018. After going it alone for a few years, Browder has now accepted some venture funding. Last summer, he moved out to Silicon Valley for a couple months and rented the “Mark Zuckerberg house,” a five-bedroom home in Palo Alto, depicted in the movie The Social Network as the nerdy frat house that served as Facebook’s first unofficial HQ. Is there any conflict between the noble mission of helping people achieve justice, and a desire to latch onto the legend of a fraternity-style home that once saw a young Mark Zuckerberg ride a zipline into the swimming pool? “Silicon Valley is getting worse and worse in the eyes of the public. However, there’s one thing that I think is really good, and that should be transferred to the rest of the world, and that’s that lots of people who start [businesses] don’t do it just to make money,” Browder said. “I can’t read Mark Zuckerberg’s mind, but don’t believe that he started Facebook to make money. He did it because it’s a cool product that helped lots of people.” “I’m not against lawyers in general — just the ones who exploit people.” Does he worry about the effect that DoNotPay might have on lawyers? After all, while lawyers aren’t always painted as the world’s most sympathetic bunch, they’re just as much at risk of automation as the rest of us. In the book Failing Law Schools, law professor Brian Tamanha points to U.S. government statistics suggesting that, through 2018, there will only be 25,000 new openings available for young lawyers — despite the fact that law schools will produce around 45,000 graduates during that same timeframe. This might one day turn out to be the “good old days.” It is quite possible that one day law firms will hand many jobs over to A.I. systems, and retain only a few high-earning human lawyers at the top of the pile. “I’m not against lawyers in general; just the ones who exploit people by charging huge amounts of money for copying and pasting documents,” Browder said. “I don’t think my software will be arguing in the high court any time soon, but one day my dream is to give everyone representing themselves in court a personal robot lawyer that can advise them on what to say to help them with their issues. In the long run, hopefully everything a consumer would ever need a lawyer for can be made free for them. That’ll be true access to justice.” The automation of law Not everyone is convinced that A.I. robots such as this will necessarily disrupt the legal profession in a profound way. In a Quartz article, the legal journalist and scholar Ephrat Livni disputes the description of DoNotPay as a “robot lawyer,” pointing out the complexity of what a real lawyer does. Livni isn’t wrong. Applying the law to a case isn’t just about knowing how to call up the right rule at the right time. The judicial process, for instance, is less about mechanical objectivity than it is about a high level of intersubjective agreement. Lawyers have to be creative in their arguments. It’s also hard to imagine large companies ever laying off their slickly suited legal team in favor of recruiting the A.I. law firm of Siri, Watson, & Alexa (or whatever such a firm might be called.) But if advances in legal A.I.s continue to develop at the rate of other artificial intelligence applications, our understanding of what is “standardized” and “bespoke” legal advice will almost certainly shift. In 2004, serious academics thought A.I. would never be able to drive a car. A few years ago, the board game Go was considered a no-no for machine intelligence. Both of those are now demonstrably incorrect. What job that currently requires a human lawyer is the equivalent of either of those? Even if DoNotPay only continues to carry out lower level legal work, though, Browder is convinced that his service is making a difference. “I get about 100 emails a day,” he said. “People sometimes assume that because I create these technologies, I can personally help them with random legal issues. That can be exciting when it gives me new ideas for products. But on the other hand I’ve heard some really sad stories. Just in terms of parking tickets, I’ve heard from people who are homeless, who live in their car, and just keep getting new tickets every day. I’ve also heard from people whose banks made one minor mistake on their credit report, which ruins their life. This makes me realize how terrible the world can be — and how important it is to try and do something to help.” Editors’ Recommendations https://www.digitaltrends.com/cool-tech/robot-lawyer-free-acess-justice/ https://blog.cyberprosocial.com/2018/03/25/meet-the-british-whiz-kid-who-fights-for-justice-with-a-robo-lawyer-sidekick/

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clubofinfo · 7 years

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Expert: Anyone who cares for someone with a developmental disability, as well as for disabled people themselves [lives] every day in fear that their behavior will be misconstrued as suspicious, intoxicated or hostile by law enforcement. — Steve Silberman, The New York Times Life in the American police state is an endless series of don’ts delivered at the end of a loaded gun: don’t talk back to police officers, don’t even think about defending yourself against a SWAT team raid (of which there are 80,000 every year), don’t run when a cop is nearby lest you be mistaken for a fleeing criminal, don’t carry a cane lest it be mistaken for a gun, don’t expect privacy in public, don’t let your kids walk to the playground alone, don’t engage in nonviolent protest near where a government official might pass, don’t try to grow vegetables in your front yard, don’t play music for tips in a metro station, don’t feed whales, and on and on. Here’s another don’t to the add the growing list of things that could get you or a loved one tasered, shot or killed, especially if you are autistic, hearing impaired, mentally ill, elderly, suffer from dementia, disabled or have any other condition that might hinder your ability to understand, communicate or immediately comply with an order: don’t call the cops. Sometimes it’s dangerous enough calling the cops when you’re not contending with a disability. For instance, Justine Damond called 911 to report a disturbance and ended up dead after police dispatched to investigate instead shot the 40-year-old yoga instructor. Likewise, Carl Williams called 911 to report a robbery and ended up being shot by police, who mistook him for a robber in his own home. Unfortunately, the risks just skyrocket when a disability is involved. Nancy Schrock called 911 for help after her husband, Tom, who suffered with mental health issues, started stalking around the backyard, upending chairs and screaming about demons. Several times before, police had transported Tom to the hospital, where he was medicated and sent home after 72 hours. This time, Tom was tasered twice. He collapsed, lost consciousness and died. The Schrocks are not alone in this experience. Indeed, disabled individuals make up a third to half of all people killed by law enforcement officers. That’s according to a study by the Ruderman Family Foundation, which reports that “disabled individuals make up the majority of those killed in use-of-force cases that attract widespread attention. This is true both for cases deemed illegal or against policy and for those in which officers are ultimately fully exonerated… Many more disabled civilians experience non-lethal violence and abuse at the hands of law enforcement officers.” Trained to shoot first and ask questions later, police pose a risk to anyone with special needs whose disabilities may not be immediately apparent or require more finesse than the typical freeze-or-I’ll-shoot tactics employed by America’s police forces. For example, in South Carolina, police tasered an 86-year-old grandfather reportedly in the early stages of dementia, while he was jogging backwards away from them. Now this happened after Albert Chatfield led police on a car chase, running red lights and turning randomly. However, at the point that police chose to shock the old man with electric charges, he was out of the car, on his feet, and outnumbered by police officers much younger than him. In Georgia, campus police shot and killed a 21-year-old student who was suffering a mental health crisis. Scout Schultz was shot through the heart by campus police when he approached four of them late one night while holding a pocketknife, shouting “Shoot me!” Although police may have feared for their lives, the blade was still in its closed position. In Oklahoma, police shot and killed a 35-year-old deaf man seen holding a two-foot metal pipe on his front porch (he used the pipe to fend off stray dogs while walking). Despite the fact that witnesses warned police that Magdiel Sanchez couldn’t hear—and thus comply—with their shouted orders to drop the pipe and get on the ground, police shot the man when he was about 15 feet away from them. In Maryland, police (moonlighting as security guards) used extreme force to eject a 26-year-old man with Downs Syndrome and a low IQ from a movie theater after the man insisted on sitting through a second screening of a film. Autopsy results indicate that Ethan Saylor died of complications arising from asphyxiation, likely caused by a chokehold. In Florida, police armed with assault rifles fired three shots at a 27-year-old nonverbal, autistic man who was sitting on the ground, playing with a toy truck. Police missed the autistic man and instead shot his behavioral therapist, Charles Kinsey, who had been trying to get him back to his group home. The therapist, bleeding from a gunshot wound, was then handcuffed and left lying face down on the ground for 20 minutes. In Texas, police handcuffed, tasered and then used a baton to subdue a 7-year-old student who has severe ADHD and a mood disorder. With school counselors otherwise occupied, school officials called police and the child’s mother to assist after Yosio Lopez started banging his head on a wall. The police arrived first. In New Mexico, police tasered, then opened fire on a 38-year-old homeless man who suffered from schizophrenia, all in an attempt to get James Boyd to leave a makeshift campsite. Boyd’s death provoked a wave of protests over heavy-handed law enforcement tactics. In Ohio, police forcefully subdued a 37-year-old bipolar woman wearing only a nightgown in near-freezing temperatures who was neither armed, violent, intoxicated, nor suspected of criminal activity. After being slammed onto the sidewalk, handcuffed and left unconscious on the street, Tanisha Anderson died as a result of being restrained in a prone position. And in North Carolina, a state trooper shot and killed a 29-year-old deaf motorist after he failed to pull over during a traffic stop. Daniel K. Harris was shot after exiting his car, allegedly because the trooper feared he might be reaching for a weapon. These cases, and the hundreds—if not thousands—more that go undocumented every year speak to a crisis in policing when it comes to law enforcement’s failure to adequately assess, de-escalate and manage encounters with special needs or disabled individuals. While the research is relatively scant, what has been happening is telling. Over the course of six months, police shot and killed someone who was in mental crisis every 36 hours. Among 124 police killings analyzed by The Washington Post in which mental illness appeared to be a factor, “They were overwhelmingly men, more than half of them white. Nine in 10 were armed with some kind of weapon, and most died close to home.” But there were also important distinctions, reports the Post. “This group was more likely to wield a weapon less lethal than a firearm. Six had toy guns; 3 in 10 carried a blade, such as a knife or a machete — weapons that rarely prove deadly to police officers. According to data maintained by the FBI and other organizations, only three officers have been killed with an edged weapon in the past decade. Nearly a dozen of the mentally distraught people killed were military veterans, many of them suffering from post-traumatic stress disorder as a result of their service, according to police or family members. Another was a former California Highway Patrol officer who had been forced into retirement after enduring a severe beating during a traffic stop that left him suffering from depression and PTSD. And in 45 cases, police were called to help someone get medical treatment, or after the person had tried and failed to get treatment on his own.” The U.S. Supreme Court, as might be expected, has thus far continued to immunize police against charges of wrongdoing when it comes to use of force against those with a mental illness. In a 2015 ruling, the Court declared that police could not be sued for forcing their way into a mentally ill woman’s room at a group home and shooting her five times when she advanced on them with a knife. The justices did not address whether police must take special precautions when arresting mentally ill individuals. (The Americans with Disabilities Act requires “reasonable accommodations” for people with mental illnesses, which in this case might have been less confrontational tactics.) Where does this leave us? For starters, we need better police training across the board, but especially when it comes to de-escalation tactics and crisis intervention. A study by the National Institute of Mental Health found that CIT (Crisis Intervention Team)-trained officers made fewer arrests, used less force, and connected more people with mental-health services than their non-trained peers. As The Washington Post points out: “Although new recruits typically spend nearly 60 hours learning to handle a gun, according to a recent survey by the Police Executive Research Forum, they receive only eight hours of training to de-escalate tense situations and eight hours learning strategies for handling the mentally ill. Otherwise, police are taught to employ tactics that tend to be counterproductive in such encounters, experts said. For example, most officers are trained to seize control when dealing with an armed suspect, often through stern, shouted commands. But yelling and pointing guns is ‘like pouring gasoline on a fire when you do that with the mentally ill,’ said Ron Honberg, policy director with the National Alliance on Mental Illness.” Second, police need to learn how to slow confrontations down, instead of ramping up the tension (and the noise). After Ethan Saylor’s death in Maryland, police recruits are now required to take a four-hour course in which they learn “de-escalation tactics” for dealing with disabled individuals: speak calmly, give space, be patient. One officer in charge of the Los Angeles Police Department’s “mental response teams” suggests that instead of rushing to take someone into custody, police should try to slow things down and persuade the person to come with them. Third, with all the questionable funds flowing to police departments these days, why not use some of those funds to establish what one disability-rights activist describes as “a 911-type number dedicated to handling mental-health emergencies, with community crisis-response teams at the ready rather than police officers.” In the end, while we need to make encounters with police officers safer for people with disabilities, what we really need is to make encounters with police safer for citizens across the board, no matter how they’re packaged. As I point out in my book Battlefield America: The War on the American People, the problem is not that police officers are inherently bad—in fact, there are many good, caring officers in law enforcement—but when cops are trained to be military warriors instead of peace officers, we’re all viewed as potential threats. http://clubof.info/

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excusetheconfusion · 7 years

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The homeless days.

After rekindling an old friendship from a 7 year hiatus, I've been inspired/influenced to write an experience story. Usually my blogs are just stoner ramblings about my feelings and thoughts but today it'll be more of a recap kind of deal. If you've kept up with my blogs, you know about the 'bad' ex, you know about my dad dying, you know how I sold the house that I hated...this picks up right after I sold the house. After living in the small town of Houston, Missouri from 2010 to 2013, I sold my first house. Really, sold my dead dad's house. Before that, I had lived with my dad on the Gulf Coast. We went through Katrina, lost everything over and over again. So material things hadn't meant much since 2005. We had our mobile home, then another, then a FEMA camper, then a FEMA cottage, then another camper. We didn't really move, all these homes were on the same piece of property, but hurricanes kept taking them. One day, after my dad had gotten his back pay from SSI and some other government things that he had been owed, he typed in cheap properties, and Houston, Missouri popped up. We moved summer of 2010. It was my first time having a real house, I thought it was going to be great. I hated leaving my friends, and I didn't care for the town too much, but it was a real solid house. Not even a year later, my dad was killed. I ended up pulling the plug while my dad was in a coma, basically brain dead. Bar fight gone wrong. I finished the job that a 23 year old, Caleb Buckner couldn't.(feel free to search Midtown, Licking Missouri Barfight, October 8th 2011, Victim Rickie Murray) After that, the boyfriend at the time, who was 20 seemed pretty mature considering I was 16. So here I am 16, no family, a house, 2 vehicles, in a town where the only people I knew were my dad's bar friends, and my boyfriend's family. I was a good kid. Good grades, good intentions, polite, soft spoken, the worst thing I did at the time was smoke a little pot. Which what 16 year old hadn't done that? Well, my family in Louisiana tried to get me to come home but, I knew better apparently. My family let me make my own choices, which looking back on now was stupid. I was 16, they should have made me come home and have a normal life. But they didn't and that's when I began my journey alone. My boyfriends grandparents adopted me. They gave me a room in their home, and treated me like their own. They went to my drama club plays, they helped me with cash when I needed it. They loved me just like I loved them. I called them grandma and grandpa and things were fine aside from the fact that their grandson was incredibly abusive. But where else could I go? We ended up moving into my dad's house 6 months later. So, I'm 17, a senior in high school with a 21 year old living with me. It got worse once we were really alone. It was about a 2 year long process of getting dad's house back from the government. I had a plan to leave Shad, but I had to bide my time. The day I found out the house was out of probate and was able to be sold, I packed up all his stuff and had it sitting on the front concrete porch. The day he moved out was also the day that The guy who ended up being my kids dad and I would sleep together. It was a hasty thing that happened at a very vunerable time. But we ended up in love and dating soon after. He was a hippie soul, and introduced me to many of the things I cherish and while heartedly believe now. I had wanted to be homeless since I met this guy called Homeless Dave at a party in Mountain Grove, Missouri. I envied him. I always wanted to just sneak away from my ex in the middle of the night and just walk and keep walking. I figured I'd do it one day, but I didn't know how soon it would actually be. My new boyfriend and his friend's family had a plan to go to Colorado. So I said fuck it, and that I'd go too. I didn't know these people from Adam. They move in with me, and I instantly regreted it. I didn't have a kid at the time, and I never thought I would have one because I didn't like fucking kids. Well, this whole thing was turning into a shit show. Long story short, their plan was for me to financially support everyone with the new money from selling the house. Which wasn't going to happen. So, I have to be the worst person in the world and say no to a family, because all it would do is bring me down. It was hard. I still feel guilty, but the gift of being in the present (future) is that they are still in the same boat. Divorced. Had more kids, in jail, on drugs, etc. No matter what I would have done back then, it wouldn't have changed their future. So I go to Colorado, alone...minus my dog and cat. I gave away everything I owned. I took clothes, pictures, and an open mind. And kitty litter and dog food. I make the trip totally alone, 19 years old, first time free, and totally in love. So, the plan was to go to Boulder and be homeless. But I had a home, I had family, I had people who cared about me. So I wasn't homeless, I was houseless. And I wanted to be. At this time, the big flood in Boulder had just happened, so there were not only regular homeless, but there were displaced victims of a natural disaster there too. And I say homeless because it is the PC thing to say. Hobo is insulting apparently. And I mean that with all the sarcasm. I stayed at the park in Boulder, right by the library. The mix of people were rich Boulder college kids, retirees, teens who left home just because, 20 something year old stoners, drugies, or 40 something year olds who were kicked out of the crazy homes back in the day. Some people lived in tents, motel rooms, cars, storage units. Even if some of them had money, they still lived like that. I met a ton of real people. I mean, as far as they knew, I didn't have anymore or less than they did. I didn't tell a whole lot of people that I just sold a home. I didn't want to get robbed or anything. Turns out, it ended up happening. The deadbeat husband with the family that I bailed on, well he stayed in Colorado being a bum while his family was in Missouri. I let him sleep in my car from time to time. In my car, had my dad's jewelry. Gold necklace, a few gold rings... He stole them and hocked them. He stole my cell phone, and a set of tires and rims that I left in Missouri. All for nothing too, if he had stolen my things and bettered his life with it, then I don't care. Rob me fucking blind,if you are going to fix your life. That's a sacrifice I'll take. But he didn't, and he took the last of my dad's things that I had. So there I was in Colorado and the only soul I knew was the guy who I had just started dating a couple weeks ago. He got a job with relief clean up from the flood. So I was just chilling. I had my pug, Rosie on a leash and my cat, Jan in a kitty fabric carrier. I had my back pack with water, snacks, and my recreational tools with me. I would just walk around and take naps in the grass. I'd sit by a creek. Go walk down town. I was just free. It was pretty safe for the most part. I have to say, the worst thing that happened was on one of my first days there. I saw some nerds playing MTG at a table, which was a card game I was familiar with. I join them and before I could even say anything a guy sits by me. He uses my body as a wind shield, leans down and pulls out foil and a straw. I'm in disbelief. Then he exhaled and said, 'It's just meth'. Then he walked away. Shortly after, I left the nerd table to hang out with some other homeless. Another funny story. So, I have my dog Rosie, who was an unbelievably disgusting animal. Nasty mucus filled eyes, a long dry shark skin tongue, that usually had poop stuck to it, because she literally ate shit. So with that horrifing backstory, I would walk around with Rosie and people would ask to take pictures with her. I let about 10 people take them for free. I decided to start charging. I was homeless, so I may as well hustle. This huge black guy with a briefcase come up to me, asks to take a picture of her, and I was like 'what cool thing do you have to trade'? This mother fucker opens up his brief case, that is full of buds of weed, and he throws a handful on the ground. Well that was enough of a payment for me. Never saw him again. Once it got to be October, it was getting pretty cold in Colorado. So we got an apartment in Westminster. Which ended up being the hood. And ya know, we still kept our homeless friends. We would go visit them in the park, or they would come and stay the night. We kept in contact the whole time in Colorado. Those people were 100. And those are the people who most see I'm the sides of the road and look down on them. Honestly most of those people had more money in their pockets then most 40 hour a week workers. I'd say the experience in a whole was humbling. Not just for me but for perspective on other people. I've showered in a homeless shelter. I've ate food from a soup kitchen. I had strangers give me socks and hot dogs, they took time out of their day to give me some comfort. It was a toughening thing too, knowing that I don't need anything or anyone and I'm good. I have it handled. I denied help when I felt like it. Because I knew I had the means if I wanted. I was pretty ghetto at times. I mean, I took sink showers in grocery store bathrooms for shits sake. I highly recommend doing something crazy like this at least one time. The only thing stopping you is you. It is as easy as waking up and giving everything away. Just walking away from everything you know. Right when it is scariest, that's when you jump. Who knows, you may jump into a shit storm, and walk away with less than what you came in with. You may ruin your relationship and be miserable. You may meet the love of your life. You may get pregnant and have the most beautiful baby. Your life may take a complete 180. But wouldn't you rather know what happens? I don't know how anyone could just wonder about these things...jump. It's the best choice I've ever made.

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witchofenoch · 7 years

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Personal post. Content warnings: PTSD, depression, anxiety, self-hatred, self-doubt, frustration, miscarriage, infertility, gender issues, trans issues, emotional abuse, childhood abuse, nightmares, insomnia, prostitution mentioned but didn't occur, childhood sexual abuse alluded to, physical abuse implied

Writing the warnings is so tiring I usually discard the post before I even finish with them. Nothing's getting better or easier tonight though. I just want to read until I fall asleep and have decent dreams and wake up feeling human. Instead I'm wide awake at midnight, chest full to bursting with frustration and anger and grief and fear.

I'm frustrated with so much, it's a shorter list by far of what isn't frustrating me. My biggest frustration? Myself. Not just because of my mental illnesses or autism or dysphoria or anything like that; I'm frustrated as hell at my nightmares. I want to sleep, NEED to just sleep, but I'd rather be awake for 4 straight days, pass out, repeat. I'm terrified of seeing that monster. With every nightmare he touches me more and my dream self excuses and forgives him more. Maybe some people could accept that as healing or moving on, but it's pure terror for me. What he did was completely unforgivable. He is the worst of the monsters out there. I feel like I've been hexed, like there's something attached to me that's gnawing at my soul and tearing at my mind.

I'm so damn angry. At him, absolutely, but also at the many, many adults who were around when I was a kid: who knew something was wrong and chose to ignore it: who blocked it out with no thought spared for the child going through it. The adults who blamed my mom, my sister, and me for his behavior. The people who took advantage of me later knowing that I knew nothing else or nothing better. The kids in high school who started rumors that I was a prostitute because he, "an old man," "picked [me] up at the bus stop" and made me "kiss him" on the lips when I was a teenager (quotes around the parts they spread through about half of the school, though they exaggerated the lewdness which has only fueled my nightmares since). It's been a decade and a half and my anger toward all of them hasn't eased: mostly it's gotten worse. I look at the kids my sister nannies, friends' kids, celebs' kids, and I cannot fathom someone hurting them. I'm angry at being left alone to grieve every loss in my life, being told to "get over it" or being flat-out ignored until I could "get it together" long enough to fake being okay. I'm angry at the would-have-been fathers for making me suffer in silence. (One didn't and we're friends to this day. He deserves to be mentioned.)

I'm grieving. I'm mourning the kid I couldn't be, the me who was taken before they were made, the years I don't remember, the adult I'll never be, the freedom I'll never feel, the memories I didn't get to make. I'm mourning the years wasted trying to get someone to pay attention to me: to show me some kind, any kind, of affection. Even the high school dances I couldn't attend, first because I was in fear for my life and later because no one wanted me around. I'm grieving for the miscarriages I've had, all 7 of them, all 8 could-have-beens.

I'm afraid and it's exhausting. Flinching at every single sudden noise. My heart pounding almost as loud as the knocks on the door. Always scanning the room or courtyard or parking garage for escape routes before I notice anything else around me. Feeling physically ill for the rest of the day after I smell certain colognes, shampoos, laundry detergents. Frantically glancing around to find potential weapons when I see an Iron Maiden t-shirt on a stocky guy around my height or almost-pastel short-sleeved button up shirts with a front pocket on one side or a petite brunette wearing a mini-skirt. (Abusers come in all shapes, sizes, and genders, fyi.) Straight-up hiding behind shelves in stores or behind a rack of clothes, in bathrooms, fitting rooms, closets, a dark corner until the people who sorta look or sound like One of Them is gone. Hiding (from) my phone when I get a call from "Unknown" or just numbers I don't know. Blocking or deactivating cameras and mics in my computers, phones, and tablets because yes, I've been hacked by abusers more than once. Hiding under a blanket when I read at night because when I was a kid it was the only time I felt safe aside from when I'd climb to the top of my tree. Being unable to sleep if the door is cracked open. Startling awake at anything that sounds like a door slamming shut, a window opening, someone knocking on the door, wall, or windows. Waking up with panic for no discernable reason. Cringing at certain words. Wanting to fight someone if they call a girl, boy, or woman "babydoll," "doll face," "little girl/boy," "little one," "baby girl/boy" (if they're 5 or older), or any other infantilizing pet name because You Will Not Hurt Them.

I'm tired. So damn tired. My shoulders are sore, my hips ache, my knees throb, my wrists ache, my back aches, my head hurts, my neck is stiff and sore, my chest feels like it's in a vice, my boobs hurt, and all of that is all the time. I have scars from the back of my head to ankles. I have old injuries that'll probably never heal. I have crap wrong that I was just unlucky enough to have been born with. I have things wrong with me that doctors can't figure out, like why I've had 7 miscarriages over 11 years and not one pregnancy that lasted more than 12 weeks. Things doctors refuse to fix, like removing my boobs which constantly ache, touching certain areas causes sharp pain (they have all of that on file and diagnosed), and I can't gain and maintain a healthy weight because the dysphoria messes me up (but good luck getting good trans "counseling" and docs and a surgeon who'll "diagnose" you as trans with dysphoria AND agree to operate to make you LESS feminine in any way in Churchy McChurchville). "Insurance won't cover it." "You might regret it." "What if you decide to have kids later." (That last one is a whole other can of worms and I need all of that stuff out of me too but even at almost 30 I'm condescended and told I'll change my mind, regret it, meet a Really Nice Guy™ and want to start a family, blah blah bull.)

I've had my battles with insomnia for as long as I can remember (which, for more than bits-and-pieces, is only as far back as 14). I've had night terrors since I was an infant. I've stayed awake for almost 60 hours, and I've slept for 25 hours straight. For a while in high school I was so scared that I got an hour or two of sleep a day when my sister was home and awake but her boyfriend wasn't there. That would last 6 days out of the week. I'd crash for 10-12 hours on my mom's day off. Rinse and repeat for 2 or 3 years. I've been a homeless kid, a couch surfing teenager, and a constantly moving adult. I haven't lived in one place for more than 2 years since we left The Monster when I was a preteen. Even then, I've shuffled around from my parents' house to my sister's apartments (she moves every couple of years too) to my grandma's house before she moved into an independent living place. (It's actually nice. I was the hardest to convince.) I may have found a place to stay for a while: the area if not the apartment.

Still.. the nightmares. Waking up sideways across the bed. Waking up so tangled in my covers I start panicking trying to get out. Seeing their faces until I finally blink them away. Smelling beer or smoke as I'm finally drifting off. Night terrors. Waking up with bruises around my arms, wrists, and legs. Waking up still feeling like someone's touching me, hurting me, or breathing down my neck. My dreams can be totally mundane except A or C or, the most often and worst, The Monster will be there. When it's A or C they'll be watching me, talking to me, chasing me, fighting me, screaming at me. It's a nightmare, stressful as hell, but I recover and go about my day just a tad more on edge. The Monster will just show up and we'll act like we're trying to form a relationship, like he's gotten nice and I've been forgiving. But every time he touches me I feel so sick I'm surprised I don't wake up. My sister and sometimes others show up trying to make me stop the farce, but I'm always too scared.

This last dream, night before last.. It was boring, nothing remarkable was going on. Then The Monster showed up in a city cop's blue uniform. In that world he was apparently an actual cop. With each nightmare dream!me has let him slowly get closer and closer and had long-arm hugged him before this. He'd "accidentally" brush my arm when walking by or bump his leg against mine while sitting next to me. This time he, the cop iteration of him, reached up for something on a shelf above me and was pressed against my back. He hugged me. He had me sit almost on his lap. At first I was nauseated, then accepting of it, then my sister showed up and gave me the "wtf are you doing!?" face and I got scared. Eventually I woke up, probably when my brother-in-law left for work or maybe he came into the room to feed the fish. I'm just glad I woke up when I did and things stopped escalating.

Ugh. "2am and I'm still awake writing a song. If I get it all down on paper it's no longer inside of me threatening the life it belongs to. And I feel like I'm naked in front of a crowd 'cause these words are my diary screaming out loud and I know that you'll use them however you want to." I don't know. Whenever I'm up late writing, or trying to write, the stuff I'm going through that song comes to mind. So much of it is relatable for me.

"May he turned 21 on the base at Fort Bliss. 'Just today' he said down to the flask in his fist. Ain't been sober since maybe October of last year." Turning 21 in May and not being sober for months before that applies to a past abuser. The drunk in the military part applies to another. Really, every word of it applies to a rather small part of my life when a lot of connected events occurred. At least, after the first verse (about going with a friend to be there for her when she got an abortion) and "writing a song" unless you take "song" metaphorically as it's been used in literature, trope names, and poetry, and lyrics to mean story, tale, or speech (e.g., a "songbird telling his tale," swan song, "singing to the choir").

I should hop off this carousel before it opens into a drain. It's about 2:45am now. I'm just starting to feel sleepy, but I'm still as mentally awake as before. I hope getting this out helps me sleep a little better, at least for a night or so.

#personal #witche

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deeeknows · 7 years

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HOHOHHOOOHOHO you returned hello friends! Same rules as always i provided the Important partS for the skimmers but im also not apologizing for the length anymore. Let me hear you thoughts ON THE BLOG AND NOT IM MY MESSAGE INBOX XD.

June 21

the longest day in the year came and it sure felt like it. most of my day i was frustrated so that tells me a thing or two about myself. but my day started with the talk about picking weeds but that didnt happen instead we did pictures for the children all day. then i came back home and the lesson came. i listened to J. Coles verse http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6atNwE-uOfE&t=7m14s on the documentary and had a great discussion about this with the baby fathers chat…. no we is not baby fathers. And no we are not plotting on you young women in the chat. they helped me work through alot of what he was saying in that we listen to the music differently just being christians. Important part people can be lead astray if they aren’t developed christians and founded in the truth. their idea of what christianity is looks like a temporary thing and not needed in the long term but instead helped the people in the days of old but now we might need something new to help the people who are having a struggle understanding the intentions of what the bible is trying to communicate. in addition its frustrating because i knew this was coming from the talks of the 2 Timothy 3. This has been a new way for me to think about music in general since its such an integral part of my life. The thats going to be my next personal study. in addition i was completely frustrated at VBS not because it was a bad day or the kids did a bad job but it started with the parents. And how they could teach their children to hate and be complete unashamed and not give a second thought the view of certain people was not only disgusting but almost pushed me over the edge. Important part i want to stay this fired up at injustice but need to find a way to convert my passion to love and not anger. I also made a resume and cover letter shout out Kalane.

June 22

while every day this week i felt like i knew when God was going to pull out the sunday school crafts and make me learn something this thursday was not the same. I was so ready to talk to take notes when we rode in brother Jeff’s car today because those cross the city rides i really have been known to catch a gem riding with my hand out the window. but it wasnt until Kenny made his way into our car at 3 an hour before we got “off”. Kenny gets in the car heated about whats going on in his community and how things arent going right. Kenny works closely with Brother Jeff in 10:12 sports with the kids but stays in the projects right across the street from a “newly opened” rec center. the frustration came from the communities exclusion from what they thought was a glimmer of light for them. the center technically opened monday but only is available to the children below the age of 5 who are enrolled in the summer camp there. Important part what was supposed to give the community an outlet for jobs, support for kids, and escape from a depressing reality at home is being forfeited because many of the kids are “two old” and too far down the path at this point so they are throwing out the whole bunch. to think the problem area in these communities were the ages 13-21 and to hear that the city is going to give them a way out. so you pull out you political boots and start getting about 6500 community petition signatures and they actually build the thing. just to find out the community wont be getting access to it in the heat of the summer and talking to the mayor of the city just to hear them tell you they “will see”, or that “they will look into it, send me an email” is extremely disheartening. especially for kenny who was out there preaching hope to these youth and their parents just to be told later. the exploitation and lack of urgency pains me and the city. the longer these kids are stuck in these pissy stairwells the faster their will for “a future” deteriorates. but after we go back to take him home and the kids all run out to greet him i can see the power 1 man has who refuses to let his light be put out even the darkness is all so much easier to live in.

then i went to dinner with my family group and we talked about understanding poverty and what different types looked like. keep your eyes peeled for the rules of operation because what doesnt seem like anything to you can actually cost you more than a black eye. Important part dont forget the only way to address these generational curses of poverty and situational poverty alike is through relationships. people need to know that you care. they dont need solutions. the reason they are telling you is not for you meet their need. do them the justice of addressing their spirit not just their need. my favorite quote from dinner was that the only way you will not be in poverty any of these resource areas is when you have a community like the church in acts freely giving and supporting one another.

June 23

And then it was Friday. I was so anxious for today before it even started I was ready to get it jumping. Every morning we have prayer I haven’t been talking that much about but don’t get me wrong it’s not a waste of my time at all. I still have my reservations about the group aspect but Important part there hasn’t been a bad morning and or day yet because I believe in the power of setting time aside to do God before getting into anything else that I might consider important. But I was geeked to get up and go to Red Emma’s after brother Jeff, Leslie, and I rode past it yesterday. but when i get in there my brain starts racing. not only is it a place of love but its a place right off north Ave and right in the middle of the art district. this was an area many people dedicated to a no judgement zone and a place where all are welcome. but what i wanted to study is what a christian environment would look like under this philosophy. they served the community and provided a space where the thirsty are given free drink and the hungry are fed. a space where all are welcome and given the liberty to be who they want to be. Important part but what i cant figure out is if that would be a good space for a church. to let people walk all over it and do whatever inside its walls. i want to say yes but i also hold such a high standard to how a church should be maintained. with their single open door bathroom policy and allowing people to “loiter” as they wait for the bus gave me a hope and a vision maybe that id have a service like that one day. where id host community outreach meetings. sell books in our library. sell food and drink and if we’re lucky and it’s on a corner as busy as red emmas ill call it sabbath or something corny. where id anoint the chairs every morning and id hire the homeless to assist me in being my prayer warriors of the city. but who knows maybe this is all just a fantasy to me. June 24 my day started like 3 times before i got fed up and time stopped moving backwards so i went on my first run. I didnt get dropped off because I ran by myself so no one could leave me in the dust and my tears. After we got back around to the city we started our bible study which slightly aggravated the kid because we went backwards to study Nehemiah again. but this time we looked at it from a different lens. Important part what i couldnt get over was how passionate he was and prideful about a people group he knew he belonged to but had never been to visit, see, or experience. but he was not only upset at their state of living up also prayed and fasted when he heard the news of the shameful city. but it didnt stop there. this man dropped everything he was doing because he saw a life better for them then the one they were living. keeping this simple we wanted to come into baltimore the way he did, not looking to turn the city from jerusalem to nehemiahville. but to empower those living and working there. the jews, nobles, priest, and everyone in between. it seemed like he also wanted something from them before he could give them what he wanted to give them. he wanted their help as well as their knowledge. literally this man has never built a wall before and someone is going to have to help him out. Important part thats how i want to be always seeking to learn the culture of the place im visiting and getting into. i never wanna feel like i have it right and others need to be like me. when infact thats not the case on this side at all. things were good after that. then I went to latino fest. and it was people watching central. la musica y la cultura fue incredible. i really felt bad because all i wanted to do was walk back and forth between the stages and listen to the live bands play and watch the folks dance but it seemed i was more interested than my counter parts. its okay tho they i halfway like doing life alone better. i videotaped some strangers for the road and spent hours trying to differentiate between which dances were salsa, bachata, and Merengue but i might need a little more help with that later. On the bus ride home my friends all decided they wanted to ditch Darius and make him walk home alone while they went to get frozen cups. One day they will like me. June 25

im getting used to starting my sunday with the farmers market. i dont know what ima do once i get home. mannnnn plus its only been my second sunday here. i walked less and knew exactly how i wanted to spend my morning, with a chocolate chip cookie. I pulled out my book as i sat right down and started doing what i do best, reading both folks and pages. i read through The Reason for God i wanted to give the people what i have and things are starting to look forward. then i went to service and we spoke about the person who was missing. in our spaces and even from the church. how what we look like and imagine heaven to be isnt what God has planned. there are going to be folks who we would have never placed there and how we can do that even in our church spaces. just to make things more bareable to the people we want to worship our God with . Important part we can say and do things to shape Gods people into our will and that is dangerous. People are made in Gods image and do not need correcting. to end my day i spent big time talking to Nao and in the park. Sabbath was a time for rest but while i was resting the city was hurting as well. i witnessed a man be almost stabbed in the street so there is still work left to be done in baltimore. im just glad God is here using me to provide a safe space for those around me.

June 26

I feel like my day took forever to get started but once it did I was cool. Editing photos for hours on end sucked the first 8 hours down the drain then it was time for the neighborhood association meeting. 6 o clock came whether I was ready or not. I actually never thought I’d end up at once of these community neighborhood watch association meetings especially after seeing them on tv and the boondocks and laughing along about how comical the whole situation is. But that was far from the case or intention of this meeting. The councilmen came and heard the immediate needs of the people and pretty much told everyone be patient and send me an email and I’ll get back to you. Between this man and the police officer they grilled I honestly Marvel at how they spun the same response with such patience with these people bringing systemic issues to their neighborhood officer from squatters, to prostitution, to education reform this man was supposed to answer them all. But this is really why I could never find myself at one of these meetings. After pouring out their hearts to the councilmen and him orchestrating who to contact to get the needs met he leaves and the meeting should be over here. Instead they continue to address their concerns with the officer asking his opinion on how to communicate with the kids and how to avoid getting robbed for the next hour and change. This isn’t a bad thing to get advice but the officer in my opinion made it very clear that he didn’t have answers that they were looking for, And that by playing his part and communicating with the association that the job would get done. But they weren’t taking this answer. They needed more. His “solution” was not going to help them stop the terrorizing happening on their streets and right in front of their homes. The desperation in the voices was heart breaking because as a spectator of this meeting and a spectator of this community I know that exactly the kind of searching for protection they were doing can only be provided by our Lord and Savior. Important part By trying to fill the God sized void in Baltimore with the agents of change that knew they were inadequate to grant change burned me on the inside. I was stuck between standing up and screaming yah gotta stop going around in circles what you’re doing is wrong is clearly fundamentally wrong. The answer is Jesus. But that couldn’t be received from me and I can’t tell if it’s because I wanted to use the cop out of “I want to just pray for the community and that’ll be doing enough” or if I was too selfish to put myself out there as an unashamed disciple of the gospel. I don’t know and it is always easy to see from your perspective but it’s harder to watch.

June 27

And it started my day with more photos and edits but then we made a trip to MND. Where we worked as a volunteer to help the guests with their resumes and things. After our trip back I saw the city and went through west Baltimore. Accidentally. My younger brother Lestle wanted to go for a trip and so we missed our stop and went for a nice little trip. The navy line took us all the way to Mondawmin mall. Which if you don’t know was one of the inciting points of the Baltimore riots in 2015. Reliving for a short time before heading home helped to really put what the community was feeling into perspective. Between the school Douglas, the mall, and the poor communities around it hurts to see what’s “the machine” distrust can do to a group of people. As relationships aren’t getting much better in these neighborhoods there is hope for others to possibly move in and change the climates of these areas. But who would want to move right next to a mall and bus depot and one of the underperforming high schools in Baltimore. Doesn’t sound too appealing at first glance. Or ever. Important part But what I see is a people in need for God and who are crying out for help. How much longer will we allow our pride and self righteousness prohibit us from being Gods instruments of change. What I noticed from the ride actually the neighborhoods leading up to mindoman mall are growing communities and not just hoods. There is hope. Some have caught to Gods vision while others are still working to it . now we just need some labors to get it off the ground

Yeah so i made it 2 weeks and im sad because it almost over and i feel like i havent learned enough. And im getting one of those feeling when God is about to tell me something i dont wanna hear so maybe we just pause this whole BUP thing until i have time to learn everything and then do what Jesus will have me do with the rest of my life. XD. you knew this blog needed at least one. Important part My last impressions would be this learning is not an arrived place and anyone can learn from a teacher, but what can you learn from a boarded up home? My challenge would be to tell you mother twice a day with at least 3 hours in between that you love her! And im thankful for all the responses to my last question you guys are smarter than me. This question would i need an answer ASAP. the city smells in some places. What can i do to make these city streets more enjoyable for everyone walking them?

#deeeknows #me #darius

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