#my man has gerd hes just like me for real

[greensteve]

alec hardy has acid reflux and that's simply canon

[ninjaboyjoel]

(En)Elbaf Part 2

So a few things about 1066 (Spoilers! Obviously):

Saul is most likely the burn-scarred man

Kid is most likely on Elbaf

It looks like Hajrudin and his crew were there on Ohara.

SO WHAT DOES THIS MEAN FOR THE FUTURE?

Elbaf, Ohara and Vegapunk are now inextricably linked. Vegapunk and his satellites are are also heavily linked to the moon. Each of his satellites are named after craters or something else related to the moon. 

In Enel's cover story we see Vegapunk's homeland of Karakuri Island and the scientist Doctor Tsukimi who fixes up automata that were seemingly created by the sky people in the past.

We see very similar automata working on Egghead island in the background. We now know that Vegapunk has learned things about the ancient kingdom and the void century via the books from Ohara and that it appears that he even has some technology from that time. 

The large robot indeed has a very Viking-esque appearance to it which must be noted, invoking both Elbaf and the Ancient Giants (who may well be from Elbaf themselves).

People online have been pointing out that the Space Pirates jolly roger looks exceptionally similar to Doctor Vegapunk himself (with a very looooong head! Hey, who knows maybe this can link to Long Ring Long Land somehow). 

It seems like Elbaf will be an arc of reunions, Dorry, Brogy, Oimo, Kashi, Saul, maybe Hajrudin and his crew and perhaps the Kid Pirates too. A lot of allies gained by Usopp and heavy ties to Usopp and Robin’s developments in Enies Lobby.

Speaking of Hajrudin, we can see what appears to be him, Gerd and Goldberg being captained by Saul in Chapter 1066! How odd, seeing as Saul was not from Elbaf and didn’t seem to have a very high opinion of him when he spoke to Robin. I wonder what changed in the month between the Buster Call and his return to Ohara with his new crew. 

Now as to why I believe he is the burn-scarred man? He’s really the only person who could be, he has the most info about the void century thanks to his retrieval of the books and he was most likely burned by the fires of Ohara during the Buster Call or by Kuzan’s ice (which was most likely the thing that saved him! Cheeky “Ice Time Capsule” we really should have realised he was alive from that). 

This only compounds the link between a few key things to me, ancient technology, Elbaf, and the sky people. Sky People -> Ancient Tech -> Vegapunk and Saul -> Elbaf. Its a trail of connections and I still need something a little more concrete, but this could very well be paving the way for info about Birka, which I believe establishes a key connection between the Giants and the sky people. I think Birka is the key and that is what would bring us to the return of Enel. I should make some kind of web to show how everything connects but I’d look like a conspiracy theorist...

if Elbaf is an arc of reunions, both friends, for Usopp and Robin, and enemies/rivals if Kid appears, (Which I believe he will!). A lot of people are hoping for Vivi’s return here and if the theme of reunions really does ring true, I think we can expect this! Kid and Enel could cause some real havoc together, electromagnets anyone?

I unfortunately can’t really find a way to tie Urouge into this any more than I already have, other than the fact he’s now the only Supernova not to be a major arc character yet. His time will come soon.

Sorry if this was kind of light compared to the previous part, I just wanted to make sure I had my thoughts out there about this. Information is coming at such a fast pace now, if I’m right about this we’ll know before long. A strange tidbit- an early concept for Film Red was in fact the return of Enel, but it was shot down. I can’t work out if that’s good or bad for the theory, I’ll leave that with you.

All the best everyone and I hope to have more to share soon.

[bruhhhh-huhhhhh]

Greetings and salutations, hope I don’t bother you to much. If you don’t do matchups anymore PLEASE just completely ignore and delete this, please and thank you. May I please have a romantic matchup for dbd? And or a slasher? Whoever works tbh.

I use they/it pronouns and I’m pansexual. My Myers Briggs type is INFJ and Enneagram type is 4. My star sign is Taurus, moon sign is Gemini.

Im about 4’11..not to happy about it. I’m rather introverted, and can be considered not a people person. I find life a little nihilistic. I’m into dressing in all black and taking a liking to gruesome and morbid things like slashers, analog horror, death games, true crime documentaries, poetry, necromancy and anatomy. I typically consider myself a "Gorehound". I also like to visit abandoned hospitals and houses just for fun, along with playing quite a few escape rooms. I just have a genuine comfort in the uncomfortable.

I get a lot of monikers from friends and family like "discount vomitboyx", "doomer boy", and "Remake of Daria" before. I’ve come to the conclusion I just scare people off. In reality, I’m intimidated by everyone around me and find it hard to start conversing, which may or may not come off as rude to people.

When I finally become comfortable with someone I start to become really sarcastic and joke around with them with witty banter. Most of my humor comes off really insulting, but I’ll apologize and say it’s a joke if it becomes a problem. Even though I do have a hard time understanding physical social cues.

Lots of people don’t like me or stay away from me because of my rude behavior. I’m not good with overly sensitive or overly annoying people at all because of that, and I can’t stand kids. Idiocy can get on my nerves too sometimes. I’m a huge animal person though. I have my moments where I can get really feisty, or very quiet and closed off. I’ve been told I’m also a laidback person.

I’m the type of person that has lots of opinions on things but I keep them to myself and bottle them up. If pushed far enough I’ll become unforgiving, and aggressive. Especially with the types mentioned above.

I find the most comfort in just being in my room drawing, reading and or listening to music ( Motionless in White, Deftones, System of a Down, Slipknot, Rob Zombie,,, sometimes Will Wood, The Front Bottoms, Jazmin Bean or Mother Mother, etc. ), or even occasionally playing video games or reading and talking about Greek mythology or some random documentary I read. I also do acting in my spare time, which I find really fun. My interests tend to be very restricted, and I shut down easily getting into new things.

I’m a plushie maniac and when I fall asleep you can always see me cuddled up to one of them. I find it because I’m really touch starved. I’m guilty of being very submissive and maybe even masochistic- and a bit of a pyromaniac. I dissociate or daydream a lot, so you can often catch me starring.

I suffer from a handful off mental and physical syndromes like autism, GERD, arthritis, asthma, depression and anxiety. These have all been diagnosed professionally, and I’m definitely not trying to make myself "quirky". I have stims where I bite the inside of my cheek, pull my hair, crack or pop my bones, pick at scabs, fidget with my fingers or toy and bounce my leg. I even hiss or squeal when I’m upset. I’ve also been developing a eating disorder. You don’t need to rocmantasize this stuff ofc, but I think it’s good to know so the person can tolerate me.

you do get to this, thanks for your time.

No Problem! I decided to do a Dbd matchup, I hope that's okay! If you want a different one, just message me and I'll re-do it!

I match you with...

Frank from The Legion!

This man loves that you're shorter than him. It makes him feel in powerful and he like that he can lean down to kiss you

If you two met in the real world, the reason he noticed you is because Julie probably brought you up wanting to bully you. He thinks on it for a bit and decides not to after watching you for a bit. You two talk more, and then start dating after a while

If you met in the entity's relm, however, he noticed you because he always sees you by yourself and never with anyone else during trails. He even went to the edge of the camp one time to see if it was just a trail thing, but no, you were alone there too with only a few people you talked too occasionally.

Needless to say, you interested him. He takes the time to not kill you and actually go as far as to talk to you and let you escape.

The two of you have similar music tastes, so he'll let you borrow his stuff from time to time.

You two bounce sarcasm off each other often, and you both love it. His favorite thing to hear after a successful trial is your sarcasm

He also hates kids and annoying people, so the two of you can complain to each other about that. If someone is being especially annoying to you and you complain about it to him, he will ask you if you want him to kill them. If you say yes, bam, they're dead. If you say no, he won't unless they annoy him. Then he'll do it anyways.

If he sees you stimming in a way that might hurt you, he'll gently guide your hands away from that area

If you hiss at him, he might hiss back. Just saying.

Will hang out with you when you're doing your hobbies. Might even try some of them out. If you start talking about Greek mythology, he'll put everything down just to listen to you

He loves talking to you about gruesome things. He’ll take pictures of his “work” and show them to you just to see how you’ll react if he’s told you about the legion. 

If the two of you are in the real world, he’ll take you on dates to escape rooms. 

[rayne-storm]

AUgust 7 - Joker - Norse Mythos

Title: THE THRONE OF KNOWLEDGE AND THE QUEEN OF RESTORATION

Fandom: Hyperdrive (credit to @starburnedfarrago @rad-infiniitum )

Blue Moon

This is based off of the myth of Frey (brother to Freya) and how he married Gerd. I hope you enjoy!

The Throne of Knowledge and the Queen of Restoration

Neil was an inquisitive little troll by nature. He liked to know all that he could about everything possible. He decided the best way to know everything would be to construct a throne, a hight chair surrounded on all sides by monitors that each fed him information from a different source, past and present.

He spent years building, inventing, planning and re-planning, and one day, finally, after much blood and sweat, and many angry tears, the Throne of Knowledge was complete.

Neil trembled and called his servant - a hardworking young woman named Stella - over to him. She had been with him every step of his build, and had encouraged him in ways that few ever had before. She took care of his house and his land, did business on his behalf, and ran every aspect of his life that was not tied directly to his construction of his Throne.

"It is done, at last," he announced, and she cheered happily for him.

"It's beautiful," she praised, "a work of art."

Neil nodded and smiled, hoisting himself up to sit on the Throne, reclining just right to be able to see the most at any given moment.

"Turn it on, please, Stella, and I shall become the smartest man in the world," he commanded, and the girl quickly went to work checking every wire and socket to be sure it was all going to run smoothly.

She approached the small podium that held the Throne's central power, and counted down from seven before pressing switching the system on.

It was glorious.

In an explosion of light and sound, the monitors roared to life, and the Throne's arms lit up with control options. Neil could see everything, it seemed, past and present. He gazed around in astonishment at the true beauty of his creation. All the world's knowledge was at his fingertips.

"Leave me," he mumbled through his euphoric haze, and if Stella said anything as she left the room, he didn't hear it.

--

Neil spent three days on his throne, learning all he could, absorbing every fact and bit of trivia he saw, seeing the world. On the fourth day, however, he saw her.

There was a woman who flashed so briefly in one of his monitors, he nearly believed her a technotic illusion. But then she was back, and he felt his heart soar at the mere image of her.

She was a creature shaped like a moth, but with the bearing and beauty of the finest of queens. He knew, then, that he would never love anyone or anything so much as he loved her.

He used his Throne's controls to bring her onto every screen, to search her image to see if he could find anything about her, hoping desperately she was real, and he could have her for himself.

After an entire day of searching, he had almost nothing. All he knew was that her name was Luna, and she was extraordinary.

Then, as suddenly as he had discovered her, she vanished completely. Only the brief recordings he had made seemed to exist, and she was nowhere to be seen on any of his monitors.

What good was his throne, then, if he could not find the only thing he cared about??

He got up from his creation and sullenly turned the system off, trudging to his personal bedroom and locking himself inside.

--

For three weeks he languished away in his room, Stella growing ever more worried with each passing hour. He barely ate or drank, and never opened the door in her presence. What little he said was harsh or melancholy, with none of the bright spark that usually accompanied his words.

"Please," she would beg as she brought him meals, "Please just say what's wrong. Maybe I can help you, though I know I am far from your genius."

He would either grumble at her to go away, or else say nothing at all, and so it went for weeks.

Finally, on the evening of the last day of the third week, Neil opened his door to reveal his normally sky-blue skin was ashen and grey, his ears were drooping so low they dragged along the floor, and his eyes were cloudy with despair.

"What has you so somber?" Stella asked, and with a deep sigh, Neil explained his problem. He was lovesick, with a woman he could not find.

While it pained Stella's own heart to hear this, at least she knew that perhaps she could help.

"I know of a Luna. She is somewhat as you describe. Perhaps I could-"

Neil flew at her with the speed and fervor of a man possessed. He wrapped a slender hand around her neck.

"Bring her to me! I don't care what you do, but I must have her for my wife, or else I will die! Find her and bring her, or leave me here to perish."

So saying, and with the last of his meager strength spent, he collapsed to the ground and crawled to his bed.

Stella left the room before he could see her trembling or the tears in her eyes.

She'd try. That's all she would promise him or herself.

--

Stella traveled by subway and taxi and small paths darting between alleyways. She stayed three evenings in suspicious motels. Finally, she managed to make it to the gallery where Luna worked, restoring antiques and appraising them. She was well-known among her field, but kept quietly to herself most of the time. She was guarded strictly by museum security, and Stella feared, at first, that she could not get an audience with her.

She approached the information desk and requested to speak with Luna, the Queen of Antiquities, but she was harshly turned away. No one that looked like her, with her large frame and her calloused hands should have a thing to do with the delicate work Luna did, the clerk sneered.

Stella was disheartened but tried again at the security desk, begging to speak with Luna, the Lady of Appraisals. Again she was turned away. No one that spoke like her, with simple words and the accent of a farmer, could possibly keep up with Luna's refined speech.

Thus rebuked, Stella went out and sat upon a bench in front of the museum and wept. Her heart hurt from the mistreatment she endured at every turn, and she wondered if this could ever be worth it.

A gentle hand pressed to her shoulder, and a soft voice asked her if she was alright.

"No," she sobbed, tears creating puddles on the floor, and she explained her story.

"I'm sorry that you've been treated so poorly," the kind voice murmured, "It should not have happened. I am not so high or mighty as to refuse anyone a conversation."

Stella looked up, astonished at what she was hearing, and there was Luna, the extraordinary craftswoman. She had kind eyes, and a soft face, and her hair flowed gently around her head like the most delicate flower fluff.

"You! You are the one he's been looking for," Stella cried, standing and taking Luna's hands.

"Please! You must come and cheer his spirits. He will almost certainly die without you," she begged.

Luna sighed and shook her head.

"I have made a vow. I will marry no man. Especially not if he cannot come and see me himself."

She did not mention how unsettling his method of discovering her had been, for she could tell Stella similarly felt uneasy by the Throne of Knowledge. But at the same time, Luna as an inventor was curious. Luna as a scholar was more curious. Luna as an adventurer was most curious of all.

Stella began to beg and plead, even got upon her knees.

Still, Luna would not relent.

Stella tried anger and threatening her, cursing her for how miserable she made Neil all for love of her, and vowed to make Luna feel such pain.

Luna did not accept. She knew Stella's words had no true venom, but were born of her own internal hurt and desperation.

Stella's mind raced. She had to bring Luna back. But how?

"...I will give you anything you want. Even the throne of knowledge. Please, just at least come and reject his wishes yourself."

"Even if I leave, you would give it to me? How would you know how to transport it? How do I know you even know the first thing about this creation."

Stella knew she didn't look smart or clever. That was alright.

"Because I helped build every piece of it. I forged the metals of the thrones and supports myself. I am the one that moved every part into its room."

Luna could not refuse such an offer.

"Fine," she announced, "I will greet him, and in return, will be taking the Throne with me."

--

The pair traveled in silence on the journey to Neil's home, a massive structure of gleaming chrome with portions painted the darkest of black and littered with points of light to create a galaxy. Luna could not deny how impressed she was by the structure.

Maybe she could keep the Throne there, and simply visit this beautiful place to see it.

Stella led her through winding corridors full of incredible inventions. Walls and stairs that could move to accommodate creatures of any size or shape or level of mobility; lights that flickered in any color or pattern to mimic different places in the world; rooms painted delicately to look like different archeological marvels.

Luna decided that perhaps she could live in this magnificent home, and keep her throne there, and just be part of the building.

Stella finally led Luna to Neil's chambers, offering many whispered warnings about the condition he may be in, begging her not to judge him for his words or his appearance due to the stress and weight of his sickness.

Opening the door revealed something entirely different, however. Neil was up and about, chipper and bright and dressed in his finest clothes.

Upon seeing Stella, he rushed to apologize. He had not meant any of the hurtful things he had said, and especially felt remorse for putting his hands on her in anger. It was not him, he claimed, it was the sickness bred from so much time spent upon his Throne.

When she had left, and he had no one to cook or clean for him, had no one to talk to or interact with, he realized the error of his ways. He had never truly known before how much she did for him, and knew he had not appreciated all of her hard work, or how smart she really was. He had locked the door to his Throne room, and had not visited since.

Stella forgave him, offering a gentle hug and introducing him to his beloved Luna.

Neil's eyes immediately welled up with tears at the sheer joy of merely seeing her in person.

"I know you coming here must be a mere courtesy done to a faithful friend, or perhaps you're curious about my Throne, but I am so glad to know you are real, and was able to see you in the flesh at least once in my life."

Well, Luna couldn't help being flattered, and the way he had spoken to Stella, had apologized so sincerely, had made her perhaps reconsider her initial firm refusal.

"She was very persuasive," Luna murmured, and Stella felt herself pale as she recalled all the terrible things she had said. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Luna cut her off.

"I would like to see your Throne, yes, but perhaps I would also like to get to know you. Your house is magnificent, and I'd love to see if I could use your inventions in my work."

Neil could have fainted there and then he was so delighted, and quickly went to show her the Throne. Marveling gave way to trying it out, and she was also enthralled quickly in the splendor. Neil, however, turned it off after a few minutes. He explained he was looking in to creating a limiter that only allowed it to be on for a couple of hours at a time, at the most, then not turning on again for a full day. He hated the monster he had become when he used it, and refused to lose his self control again.

Luna was more and more impressed, and soon, they began to talk. About everything and nothing, the weather and space and history, and so much that soon they were on the roof of the house, laying down and stargazing.

Neither realized when they fell asleep, but woke up cuddled together. Stella had put a blanket over them, explaining that she cared for them, but their synchronicity reminded her too much of her own loneliness, and she was leaving to go back home to a simple life on a simple farm.

They felt her loss, but, well, they had each other now, and could figure out the rest along the way.

They did not have a perfect relationship, and some days were truly struggles, but in the end, they fit together like puzzle pieces (albeit pieces from separate puzzles, that coincidentally fit perfectly).

They lived (mostly) happily after.

[ne-fe-li-bata]

Aye yo CORPSE!  ...

Dead ass;

You can't convince me that Corspe was/is/does ; 

in no particular order..

• Deserve to be held ( I would smother him with my chest and hold him tighter than he has ever been held) & protected from this world

• Pyro! Mans loves🔥🔥🔥 - mostly his fav elemental  (Leo is a fire sign); “WOOO... now that’s a fire!”

•  Loves knives/weapons- has a collection (quite a nifty 1, ay thank-a-you) & even knows how to use butterfly knives/ tackle combat.

      Has a collection of weapons (brass knuckle, daggers, swords, knives,etc.)

•  Highly interested in combat/training. Most likely has training in some sort of combat. Loves any form of physical combat < UFC,MMA, Boxing, any type of martial arts>

•  Absolute proper gentlemen / clearly has the utmost charm/cunning

      I.e holds the door open & will slap yo ass on the way in, moves you away from street side when walking, pulls chairs, defends your honor, etc.

• Takes A . L . O . T  to truly capture his attention- but once you have it ..%100

•  With his person; protective/obsessives/ possessive/ sensual/ affectionate .

              < mine is mine. me no share -like absolutely not at all>

             “ You want the moon? Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down for ya“

• RP'er on DeviantArt/chats had his own OC. (also prob had his fav person to RP with) 

         <prob even talked to them in MSN or private chat>

•  Watched mostly nothing by anime/cartoons (nick/CN) as a kid & also mostly watched certain shows/movies as a kid well into his teens

         (could recite quotes/scenes as second nature)

•  Not a major musical theatre type of kid. But musical movies/shows was 1 of his favs- but still highly interested/ in love with theatre/musicals/preforming arts none the less.

-EYES DON’T LIE

•’staring problem’ he’d just stare at you -deep in his head (both good & bad) you’d have to bring him back to you ..”babe- eh, come *snap*back to me. What’s on your mind my love?’

•  Genuinely a really warm person- but only to certain people, but comes across cold & distance 

•  Grew up in the internet & knows the way around the 'business' & 'faceless' YouTubers/celebrities

•  His teens/ late adolescents consisted & grew up on YouTube O.G videos/ video game commentary/content;

  Cry.. <Cry was a huge part of my life & still hold a special place in my heart. Corspe just like I was most likely devastated with the shit that went down> 

Jack

Nova

Sp00n

Jontron

Smosh

Nigahiga

Shane

Jenna

Hanna Hart

Phil/Dan

KevJumba

Ray William Johnson

Pewds

Machinima

EMT

ERB

Wassabi Prod.

VlogBros, 

-etc

• Has an oral fixating (lovebites indefinitely <like dead ass ya’ll be chillan/ out & he’d attack you> & just needs something in his mouth always)

• Fidgety af, always need to be playing with something in his hands/playing with 

•  Is a goddamn absolute certified freak--but also super soft bean boi. (can't stress how this boi needs& deserves to be protected)

• Constant hand/arm touching/stroking for comfort.

• Daddy{papi} / Mommy(mamá) . Master . Sir  kink - hard control kinks- but highly sub. 

hard(er) kinks

• Lovebites = M I N E 

obvs fishnets/ crossbody straps/ lingerie

lace

collars/ restraints 

toys

     •RP

degrading/praising

sub/dom switch

showing/proving your actually/completely & utterly his/ he’s completely & utterly yours..

& of course you know it's go time when 1 - if not both of you has kitty ears on. 

over stim 

*no touchy/ don’t let me go*

“look at what I’ve done to you”

“you kno only I can do this to you”

“look how greedy you are for me”

“look at the mess you’ve made because of me’ 

“cum on my face”/’cum for me”

“who do you belong to” / “you belong to me & only me”

100% all black clothing 🖤

*that once we get home / I swear I’ll deal with you right here, right now* look 

primal play  “when you run from me, it only makes me want you more” “you know imma find you kitten”

pet names (beast< i feel like you call this man “ (a) beast”-he about to lose his absolute fucking mind> , “oh Corpse/______, you absolute fuckin’ beast- my God” kitten, babyboy/girl, baby(e), bae, my love, lover boy, my darling, slut, needy little bitch, cum slut, lil’ whore, master/mistress, king/queen”

“only yours” “just ______” “ no-one but _____” “only____” “only you” 

‘I’ll keep you so no one can find you or bother us’

“that’s my girl” / “that's my boy”

“would you like to/ I saw----”

“look at me” “don’t look away from me”

GROWLING / talking through clenched jaw

not breaking eye contact 

     • his name & ‘Corspe’ being cried out 

“cry out my name for me baby. know who you belong to”

video/sexing/teasing 

breeding kink

voyeurism

abrasions

aftercare af 

impact play 

24/7

edging 

accidental stim; “holy fuck- I’m so turned on by you rn”

rope bondage 

begging 

worships 

•  But also soft kinks; 

MEME SENDING

head on lap/chest

naps

playing with hair 

matching outfits

voice messages 

always touching (somehow)

no space between bodies

picture taking together/ just of you

body rubs, head rubs

massages

competition 

play fighting

“this reminded me of you”

“I remember you said” “I know you...”

“you know I love you”

“I can tell by your eyes”

“ugh- I swear to shit imma marry you 1 day”

“nothing really made sense until you”

“do you wanna watch”/ “WAIT!? YOU HAVEN’T SEEN?!”

“damn- you really do love/like me, eh?”/ “you are SO fucking mine”

“that’s my girl”/ “that's my boy”

pet names/ “MY_______” “YOURS”

long stares

dates- stay at home dates are his fav, as your attention/focus is just on him 

choker/necklace/ jewelry (that 1 of you bought- NOT LIKE HIGH PRICE TAG, but like seen it & was like ‘omg ____ would so wear...’) 

cuddles with movies /anime watching time

just being in the same room/on call- even in silence 

* emojis*- just some sort of communication 

inside jokes/ puns/dark humor

seeing 1 another with kids

future kink (family, travel, etc)

playing video games 

dancing/ singing with 1 another

Sitting on the ground, wrapped around his leg when he streams/edits

Nerf gun fights 

Watching him record (tracks/editing/streaming)

•  Loves- loves surprises <like dead ass would set up a surprise date/ do a scavenger hunt for you/ surprise you with your fav thing>

•  Loyalty is everything & his best attribute (& pride) 

• The music that he make is from the soul/heart. He pit everything has has/what he has left into his art

•  No one has seen the real him - a side he truly hides

•  He's both book & street smart

           Taught himself through YouTube/Reedit/online 

•  Fav actors; Jim Carrey/Robbin Williams/Will Smith (?)

•  Man’s straight up dangerous. we only know like a  quarter of him & people fall at his feet. ( h e . i s . n o t . t o . b e. F U C K E D . w i t h) 

•  Hates silence 

         ( constantly needs background noise)  <also can't fight me on this babyboi cuddles pillows/blankets for night-night time>

•  People don't understand the pain he is in every day, unless they have fibromyalgia/GERD/high functioning (sever social)anxiety/depression/ agoraphobia 

(my mom suffers with fibro/depression <I myself have GERD/ sever social amenity/depression>& I wouldn't wish those illness on my worse enemy...)

• Over all pain has changed him

• Has dealt with self harm since a young age- most likely 9- 11 yrs old. (as someone else who’s suffered with SH for years- when you become so numb it 1 of the only ways to feel some sort of anything/makes you feel like you’re alive)

• Addiction (drugs/people/things)

•  Wrote & read a lot of fanfiction

        (most likely his main source of reading in pre/teenage years)

• Is a hopeless romantic but has his guard way up

•  Obsessed with Japan / Studio Ghibli

• Doesn't think he deserves any of the recognition/ fame he's gotten--but definitely deserves it all as he's creative & inspirational as fuck. Also he’s worked so hard for it & had put himself through so much

    Contrary is highly appreciative of those that are supporting

• Doesn't do it for the fame but for the fact he know how he's gotten people through hard time (just like those on the internet got him through)

• Was a scene boy that vibe’d of myspace/ listens to a lot of  ‘scene’ pop-punk, emo/ scene band shit (band?)

•  Also is/was a major tumblr boy

•  Would be a phenomenal father

•   His love language: physical touch & words of affirmation 

• He would flinch at touch movement but would melt in your hands

• Face caresses would trigger anxiety/ tears.. but once he’s calmed/comfortable would burry his face in your touch. neck & chest

•  Still caught up in daydreams

•  A part of him is still never satisfied even if it’s exactly to the pin point detail of what he wanted  

•  Has at least 40/50(ish) songs he hasn't released

•  Mommy & daddy issues (not saying his home life was really- really  fucked - but non the less- it certainly wasn't the best).. Also wants to protect/provide for his family (especially his sister) & was prob closer to a grandparent/aunt/uncle)

•  Definitely prefers to be by himself, as every time people come around, it's like;‘"this is why I'm okay (ish)with being alone" 

• lost an important person to him due to O.D/ suicided..

•  Also most likely to of heard his "friends" shit talking 'Corpse' or something correlated with him

•  His pride is his biggest sin (next to lust)

•  Has single-handedly defined a huge part of 2020 ( in the best way)

•  Went through a fighting stage where he was ready to fuck anyone up on a drop of a dime (middle/'high school'/street fights- possibly even under ground)

          but also a stage where he cut absolutely everyone off for a solid couple years

•  Most likely obsessed with 1 of 3 creatures; lion, dragon, wolf ( 5ish- possibly bear/fox)

•  Dinosaur obsessed 

• Internet & video games raised him

• He raised himself

Quick to adapt to surroundings/situations.

•  Mighty Morphin Power Rangers was his shit ( I CAN SO SEE YOUNG BABYBOI RUNNIN AROUND THE HOUSE IN A POWER RANGER SUIT) "IT'S MORPHIN' TIME MOTHER FUCKER"

              fav ranger- green 

•  Has up until next year planned out & is working on the next 'version of corpse' ( PR, vids, music, etc)

•  Also med/high key this man was most likely in a physcward (more than once) ..

•  This man deserves more than he'll ever give himself recognition for & knows in the back of his mind--people will hate just to hate

•  Rose is his fav flower  🌹

•⛈️🌧️. >🌞.  Loves storms/ rain & prefers them over sunny days

•  Loves the moon/stars/space (?) < observatorium dates = fuckin mint>

• Pixar/Disney lover

        <still believes- deep down in happy ever after ... but thorough an twisted yet not so twisted- simple(??), dedicated process(?)>

•  Fav Pixar movie.. either Wall.E or Toy Story 

    •  Pixar > Disney

         •  But fav Disney movie- Beauty & the Beast (?)

• Most likely had a Jackass obsession's (doing dumb hoodshit)

•  Fall is his fav season (?)

•  Horror/ thriller movies/shows over everything (obvs)

•   Had an escape place in town where he’d hide from the world- that absolutely no one knew about. 

•  Was really into graffiti/ street art 

•  Arested as a youth - but charges dropped- or was still considered a mirror (either fighting/ possession/ trespassing/ vandalisms)

• Arrested on heavier charges (also same as above - but not tried as an minor)

•  also-ALSO ... thou he feels like he owes people something. HE DOESN’T OWE ANYTHING TO A N Y O N E . His mental & well being is the most important.

•  On a side & major note. You can't deny that this man single handily is a (in my opinion) the 2nd biggest “C” that define 2020.

•  Was most likely really into skateboarding/BMX

• Late night drives/impulsive road trips & playlist/ sitting at lookouts, just in silence & touching 1 another. 

• Clingy af-.. but could also be distance & cold af- especially on high pain days. stormy brain days. PTSD episodes.

• Slow dancing/ dancing around the apartments. with or without music.

• Rocking out with each other- screaming lyrics in each other face.

• “hey baby- how you feelin” 

         *grunting* *shuffles over & lays on chest* 

• Huge comforts for 1 another;

      Especially when going out, being wrapped around him for comfort & reassurance. Even being at home alone together- panic attacks are shit, PTSD episodes are even more shit. helping each other with bathing & caring

     When he’d be hiding from his reflection- or stares just a little too long. Going up behind him & worship him (vise versa)

• He’d be your biggest hypeman/ #1 fan (vise versa)

• Would LOVE you wearing his clothes/jewelry & would love to wear you things.

Was probably engaged to his ex (that's why he gets offt when people mention "corpse wife"

There'd be days where he'd be so distance & cold.. & tell you to leave but wouldn't let you.

He'd sit in the bathroom with you when you shower/have a bath.

As he doesn't sleep most night. He'd be up just watching you sleep & caressing you.

Lil spoon > big spoon.

<more to be added>

I love you... genuinely . turly.  madly. deeply.

[koganphrancis]

Ernie & Bert Are Planning A Wedding

OR: My thoughts on Episode 11

Everything just hurts.  Let me start with the “previously on” segment.  Yeah, we finally get an Ian/Mickey intro, but it’s just like so many of the other intros-random characters outside yelling at viewers.  Since there’s been little to none intimacy for this couple this season we couldn’t have caught them in bed?  Or in mid-kiss?  Nope.  Ian can be drinking yet another beer tho.  Pretty sure those meds we saw when Sandy grabbed Mickey’s dick all those episodes ago now was Mickey’s gerd medication.  Ian’s clearly not being written as taking medication at all (yet again).  

But as usual, I digress.  The show starts with a somewhat cute reminder of how the Gallavich house is within running distance of the (now torn down in real life, RIP) Milkovich house.  Unfortunately it’s Terry who reminds us.  Ian’s watching Terry screaming up at the house while Mickey’s...off doing something without Ian.  Seriously, whatever the opposite of “joined at the hip” is, that’s what these epic soulmates are this season :( 

Anyway, Mickey walks downstairs and Ian unhelpfully informs him, “Your dad’s here.”  Mickey says yeah and goes out to see Terry.  Ian gives one more peek thru the curtain but must decide that Mickey’s in no danger, since next we see him, Ian’s sitting in the kitchen casually chatting with Lip about something that’ll never happen (Lip moving to Wisconsin).

Outside, Mickey and Terry draw guns on each other while Terry’s just now (?) trying to figure out where Mickey went “wrong” and turned out gay.  Um, I know Terry’s been busy with prison and running his illegal enterprises (whatever they might be), but he’s just now trying to catch up on what he learned literally years ago when he walked in on Ian and Mickey having sex?  

(Gif credit: jackorowan)

The scene at least gives us an iconic Mickey line, “I definitely love one,” but is it too little too late?  It’s enough to send Terry on his way for now, after one last threat.  Mickey calmly goes back inside, says “mornin’” to Ian and Lip, and starts to make himself a bowl of cereal.  I list all that out to stress how non-stressed he seems.  Ian says, “So, how’s your dad?”, and just like the, “Hi, Mr. Milkovich” and “Was Mickey adopted?” conversation Ian had with Terry in S9, so far everything is being written to show how this is just normal family life when it comes to Terry.  But by the next scene the show will want us to buy that something entirely different is going on and I just don’t understand why they can’t find a narrative and stick to it.  In the days since the episode aired, I’ve read so many head canon posts about how understandable it was for Mickey to flip out after seeing Terry, and how that brought all Mickey’s past trauma to the surface and of course it turned him into a groomzilla, but I just can’t agree that that’s what the show either set out to do or accomplished.  Mickey’s been working for Terry, he’s been around him-it’s one of the few things about Mickey’s life the show has shown us since he’s been out of prison.  Everyone in Terry’s world that they’ve shown is perfectly comfortable talking about the fact that yes, some people are in fact gay.  Terry’s peers in prison, Terry’s own relatives-why suddenly in Episode 11 is this “a thing”?  

Anyway, the scene continues after Mickey quips that he doesn’t think Terry will be his best man.  Liam joins the scene and there’s very cute, well executed banter where Ian, Lip, and Mickey tell him they can each forge Frank’s signature.  It’s a tantalizing glimpse of what the season could’ve been if these guys were allowed to all be in scenes together.  

Mainly thanks to Myles’ AV Club review, I know that for whatever reason, the show decided to do a one month time jump between the engagement episode and this one.  WTF?  It doesn’t even make sense-it means somewhere that woman holding Frank captive was feeding him and clothing and bathing him?  That Liam hasn’t been to school in a month because Frank hasn’t been around to sign him in?  As if that wouldn’t have had CPS showing up at the Gallagher house (that has to be red flagged in the system by now)?  Debbie being toyed with by that mother and daughter has been going on for weeks at this point?  The only thing the time jump did that I care about was rob us of seeing Mickey and Ian telling people they were engaged.  We deserved a little scene of Ian and Lip talking about it at least-give Lip the opportunity to ask Ian what changed his mind about marriage and give the audience the opportunity to hear some sort of explanation.  “I heard some guy I know Mickey didn’t care about putting him down and I just knew then and there I had to marry him,” doesn’t quite cut it.  

But so much for what should have been.  In the next scene, Mickey slaps down a pile of wedding magazines and drops the news on Ian (as he hands him a beer) that they’re going to have a “wedding wedding”.  Mickey needs a headcount for the reception venue-clearly money is no problem, so working for Terry all those intervening weeks must’ve been lucrative.  

In a rare instance of the show actually cluing us in on someone’s thought process, Mickey says flat out that he now wants a “real” wedding because his fuckhead dad threatened to murder him-again-cuz he’s gay.  So, see?  AGAIN.  What’s different this time?  It’s like the show NEEDS there to be a reason, a mitigating circumstance, for two men to want to get married.  They can’t just let Mickey and Ian have the natural progression of their relationship leading to a lifetime together.  It’s so offensive.  And again, for viewers that have been invested in this relationship for so long, it just hurts.  Mickey’s doing this as a big FU to his father rather than as a big ILY to Ian.  That’s OOC for sure-Mickey’s always put loving Ian first in his life.  

In planning the wedding, Noel does get some great moments.  Talking about the “little shits that light the candles”, and his choice of wedding song, and confronting the homophobic old bitch at the florist.  And the literal scenery chewing he does at the wedding chairs rental place was, I’m sure, quite fun for Noel as an actor.  BUT-the only moment we get where Ian seems on board/with Mickey in any of it is at the florist before the bitch sets Mickey off.  Otherwise Ian’s like a casual bystander in all this-and that’s just not in character either.  Why can’t they both be into making these decisions?  Why, even if Ian truly couldn’t give a shit about seeing Mickey happy about these little details-why can’t they at least be affectionate with each other?  I don’t expect Schitt’s Creek level adoring looks, but I do expect Gallavich level.  Ian used to look at Mickey with awe even when Mickey was being his Mickey-est.  Why aren’t they allowed to show that anymore?  

I will say, I did love the stargazer lily thing-altho it’s all the more frustrating to realize this week’s writer must’ve watched at least the fan compilation video of Gallavich to know that detail was a very sweet throw back-why couldn’t they also write some kisses and hand holding in too?  But anyway, “Beyond Blue” and Mickey looking touched when Ian said he liked the blue ones-we needed a lot more moments like that this season.  Why everything’s getting crammed into these final, rushed episodes is beyond me.  

Now I have to bitch again about what was wrong with the florist scene.  Yes, I’m sure there are plenty of people like that woman in the world.  But there are also plenty who don’t oppose same sex marriage.  Why is it always such a big deal on Shameless?  Either everything’s gay or nothing is.  They’ve given us an entire squad of fire fighters who are gay.  Debbie clearly can’t walk five feet in any direction since the show decided she was gay without her finding a woman DTF her.  Ian had-what was the ridiculous number?-7 million Instagram followers when he was Gay Jesus.  So ONE homophobic old lady in a flower shop means disaster?  Ian knows how to look shit up on his phone, he proved that looking for wedding statistics.  You mean to tell me he doesn’t know how to check Yelp reviews to somehow find a gay-friendly florist in a city the size of Chicago?  

Mickey did get a couple of funny lines in that scene (killed me when he called her Grandma), but, again the show is throwing too much in the blender.  Is the scene supposed to be that funny?  If Mickey is dealing with past trauma, this is just adding to it.  And Ian, who is supposed to know Mickey better than anyone (including the viewer) isn’t acting worried about him, he’s acting like he’s being dragged all these places against his will.  So where’s the comedy in that?

Next there’s a scene of Mickey walking down the sidewalk and glorious natural light, looking like he’s glowing.  It immediately gets ruined by Ian stopping in front of a store window full of bride mannequins and looking at them and then after Mickey, with the visual implication strongly suggesting that Mickey’s the “woman” in their relationship which is so outdated in 2020 that the show and the network should have to pay a fine.  

Then we get the chairs meltdown, which gives us the truest line, “Why does everything always have to SUCK?”  You’re singing our song, Mickey.  Then the show proves that point for the millionth time by having Mickey call the chairs guy the R word-twice. 

In the next scene, Mickey’s called in the always reliable important character of Mand..um, Sandy because Ian’s of no use to him.  WTF?  Mickey is still talking up grandiose wedding plans and Ian’s still trying to figure it all out.  He tries to ask, “This is still about Terry, right?  You don’t give a shit about weddings...” Mickey interrupts him to ask where his ring is.  Ian has to stop and think and realizes he must’ve left it on the sink.  He runs off before Mickey can tear him a new one.  Mickey throws his pen down and says to Sandy, “I can’t even.”  Sandy replies, “I can see why you called,” but on Twitter fans have pointed out her lips appear to be saying, “Is he even into this at all?”  WHICH IS ANOTHER THING.  After all Ian’s marriage issues, why is Mickey bulldozing ahead and not noticing what Ian seems to be feeling AT ALL.  (Which appears to be that he’s once again regretting this whole marriage thing.)  Why does the show make the two of them so blind to each other’s feelings now?  WHY?  Now that Lip’s living in the RV, do they even share a room anymore?  They act like they never, ever talk now.  There is such a disconnect hanging over the short time they are shown together in every episode.  Not to mention they’ve been desexualized to the point of being a couple of Ken dolls.  John Wells must be so thrilled he doesn’t have to sit thru dailies of them physically touching anymore.  I’m willing to believe he hired someone to Jeff Giloolly Cam’s leg so he could have Mickey and Ian get engaged and married without any love scenes at this point.

In the last scene, Ian and Mickey are at The Alibi and Ian’s (having a beer) making one last attempt to simplify the wedding.  After another “it depends who’s the bride and who’s the groom” eye-rolling moment, Ian asks, “Can’t we just be Ian and Mickey?”  I guess not, when it comes to this show.  In the past Ian would’ve loved Mickey’s tension away for him-letting Mickey find his release in multiple orgasms, not in wedding planning.  Now all he can do is hire some guy with a guitar to show up at the bar and sing Mickey’s wedding song-and “sing” is a very generous term here.  Props to the show for not having an amazing singer just show up out of the blue, but, for the love of my bleeding ears, couldn’t they have found less of a screecher?  

Mickey is, at first, freaked out by this guitar playing weirdo coming near his booth, but when he recognizes the song he asks, “How the fuck did you know that?”  The guitarist replies, “Little bird told me” indicating Ian, and then unfortunately goes back to the song and soon finds himself way out of his range.  Mickey gives Ian a soft look, Ian gives Mickey one of the smiles he only ever has for Mickey, and Silver Tree becomes JW’s favorite director ever by not even letting us see them holding each other’s hands-that’s below the camera line.  For all we can prove, maybe Ian and Mickey were just reaching for the salt shaker at the same time.  Personally, I would’ve ended the episode with Ian and Mickey metaphorically and literally getting on the same page-they go back to the house, their double bed is covered in Mickey’s wedding magazines and color swatches and seating charts and whatever other wedding prep detritus.  Ian, seeing it all laid out like that says softly, “Are you really doing all this for Terry?” and Mickey says, “Course not, it’s all for us.  We deserve it.”  Then they flop down on the bed together and get to kissing, right on top of it all.  

But no, can’t have them intimate or even on the same side of a booth.  So, you’d think that happy-ish ending we did get means Mickey’s out of his Terry-induced panic, but scenes and stills for the season finale will disabuse you of that hope.  

My final thought is: I’m wondering how much, if any, of these wedding details we’ll see.  The show is too cheap now to spend money on a church wedding with those gorgeous stargazer lilies and the little shits that light the candles.  Plus why would you have Living On A Prayer sung again when you used it in this episode?  Will one of them-or both of them-walk down an aisle?  They’ve already got their rings and have been wearing them-I don’t see them wearing multiple rings each.  If the show had any guts at all, it’d have them exchange cock rings at the ceremony ;P  Will we even get to see the wedding part or will they go straight to some sort of brawl/reception?  And, sadly, I’ve felt from the first time I saw pictures of them driving off in the Mercedes that we’re not going to see them get to consummate the marriage.  I hope I’m wrong about all of it, but I won’t be surprised to be let down utterly-either by what they don’t or what they do show :(  See ya on the other side!

[realityhelixcreates]

Lasabrjotr Chaper 16: First Steps

Chapters: 16/? Fandom: Thor (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe Rating: Teen And Up Warnings: Mentions of war, mentions of past death Relationships: Loki x Reader (But not yet) Characters: Loki (Marvel), Reader Additional Tags: Post-Endgame: Best Possible Ending (Canon-Divergent), Art Thou Ready For More Worldbuilding, Here Have Some Headcanons, Loki Is Still Keeping Some Secrets, What Else Is New, Loki Might Be Inflating His Accomplishments, Just A Bit, And Loki’s Like: Hey I Like You, Have A Knife As A Sign Of My Affection, Reader Likes To MUNCH, Reader Needs To Pay Attention. Summary:  Loki may prefer words over action, but some things can only be conveyed by deeds.

Loki entered your room to find you pacing back and forth, frazzled and anxious. He noticed the knife bundle sitting on the desk, and the tear tracks on your cheeks as you turned to confront him.

“Your Highness, I might have been out of line before, but you just keep-“

“Sh-sh.” He interrupted, pressing a long finger to your lips. You pulled away with an irritated growl. “I have come to make up for Surtr.” He explained, and handed you a plate of bread, slathered with your favorite jams. So, he had finally recognized your fixation on food, and thought he could bribe you with it.

Well…he might be right. You accepted the plate, but said nothing.

“There are some things I would like to discuss with you. Sit. Rest. You’ll wear a rut in the floor.”

He sat you down on the bed, and took a place next to you, rubbing your back lightly. Why did he think that was okay? Why did you never have the courage to tell him otherwise?

“This is a Frost Giant.” He said, and the image of a tall, long limbed person with powder blue skin and bright red eyes sprung into being, next to an image of himself, for comparison. The giant would easily be around ten feet tall in life, somewhere between his previous images of Gerd and Ran. It had raised markings on its skin, a little like cracks in ice, and its features were sharp and chiseled.

“They live on a planet that is entirely frozen over. It has deep oceans, and no actual land, just ice all over the surface. I believe there is a moon in your planetary system that is extremely similar to Jotunheim, and it is speculated that the planet may have once been a moon itself, torn from its former orbit, and flung out into a new one. Jotunheim is as small as a moon, and rotates retrograde. That is, backwards, compared to all the other planets in its system. It’s also situated in a part of the system where no other terrestrial planets formed, held in place by the orbital resonances of two gas giants.”

A wave of his hand brought forth a beautiful blue-white orb, crossed with blue cracks. There was a terrible blackened scar partway around the equator, like an enormous canyon.

“What happened there?”

He paused, appearing to be thinking his words over carefully.

“There are some tremendous destructive forces in the universe. Jotunheim was unfortunate enough to find itself in the path of such a thing.”

Your astronomy book had mentioned things like solar flares and gamma ray bursts. And even Earth hadn’t been spared from things like giant meteor strikes.

“As you may already know, Jotnar like to colonize worlds just as much as Asgard did, and we encountered many kinds in many places. Some were hostile, some were not, often within the same group. However, the Frost Giants were entirely hostile to us, and we’ve never known anything but war with them. My father…” He shifted next to you. “My father thought to broker peace with them, but his plans…backfired.”

The illusory Frost Giant returned, as Loki continued on about the ecology of Jotunheim, but you found yourself wondering if this individual, with his sharp, craggy features, actually represented a real person.

“Does he have a name?” You wondered aloud.

“What?” Loki asked. You hadn’t actually meant to interrupt him, but so many of his little illusions represented real people: Freyr, Ran, Surtr.

“Is this a real person? Does he have a name?”

Loki paused. “He…was a real person. His name was Laufey. He was the king of Jotunheim.”

“The whole planet? How does one guy rule a whole planet?”

“Ruthlessly.”

“Sounds like he’s maybe not around anymore.” He’d said ‘was’ quite a few times.

“He is not. He attempted to murder the Allfather in his sleep, and I…I slew him.”

“Oh.” It was hard to think of. You knew, of course, that Loki had killed people. He’d done so on Earth, so naturally, he’d surely done so on other planets. Asgard had influenced the old Norse cultures for eons, and those cultures had become famous for their great warriors. As a warrior himself, it only made sense that Loki would have seen battle.

But with the tender way he handled you, it was just hard to think of. Like the Loki who came to Earth those years ago was a different person. Like the Loki in your mythology book was a different person. How many different people could exist inside the same man?

“Just as I slew Surtr. I dislike threats to Asgard.”

“What? That fire giant? He must’ve been as big as a mountain, how did you even begin to go about killing that?”

“Surtr was extremely full of himself and the importance of fulfilling his ‘destiny’. He didn’t seem to realize that his supposed destiny would end his life. Or perhaps he didn’t care. I simply set into motion the series of events that would lead to his death. You see, not every confrontation can be solved by a hammer to the face. Sometimes, finesse is the only real weapon you have. Sometimes the right word at the right time is far more effective than a frontal assault. And sometimes it is best to let your enemy destroy himself.”

Loki left your side briefly, to retrieve the little bundle from the desk. A gift? He’d said before that he wanted to present it properly, but you hadn’t thought much about it since, moments later, he had summoned a fire monster to wreck up the room.

So this was how Loki apologized. Not with words, but with capitulation. Every time he had done something that he later realized had wronged you, he then gave you something he thought you wanted or needed.

After kidnapping you, he gave you a room within his own quarters. How many Asgardians might jump for such an honor? After inflicting you with a magical bond that made you weak and sick, he gave you his own living energy. You had no idea if it was draining him, or if it was uncomfortable; he never once complained about it. After interrupting your lesson on Svartalfheim in the library, and arguing with you he gave you a private lesson on the subject, and after unleashing an illusory monster upon your room, he was giving you the information on the Frost Giants that you had originally wanted.

Now he had a gift for you, which he unwrapped and lay down in your lap. On the cloth was a knife in a black sheath. A weapon. He was actually giving you a weapon?

The book was wrong. It had to be.

But what if it wasn’t?

You drew the knife from its sheath. The leather that made it up was worn, and seemed a little mismatched, but the blade itself was shiny and clean, as if it were new. It felt a little big for you, a little heavy in your hand.

“This is the blade that failed to slay you. It is a cultural treasure, so I expect you to care for it well. It’s yours now, and I will teach you how to use it.”

This was the same knife? If it was a treasure, should you even have it?

“I shouldn’t keep something if it’s precious. And do you even have time to teach me anything else?”

You hadn’t had a lesson in magic for a while now. How could he tutor you in two subjects when he didn’t even have time for one?

“I will make time. Things keep coming up, but I will make time. Are you feeling well enough to accompany me to another meeting?”

“I don’t know.” He made it sound like a date or some kind of formal occasion. “It’s so boring that it hurts.”

“Oh yes, sometimes. That is one of the many burdens of my job. What if I promised a nice dinner afterwards? Something a little fancy?”

“What kind of fancy?” Everything you had eaten so far had been delicious, and, while simple, it was still miles above the ramen, processed cheese sandwiches, and condensed soup that made up your usual diet. What was fancier than that?

You hoped it wasn’t anything too weird. There were some foods associated with the rich that simply sounded unappetizing, like caviar or foie gras.

“Lamb is common here, and the first harvest of laukas should be served up tonight as well. Want to be the first Midgardian ever to taste an Asgardian vegetable? I’m sure you will like them.”

Yes, he had you figured out all right. Food had always been a weakness of yours; even moreso after the Event.

“Okay…” He was giving you choices, which would have been a good sign, except that he only seemed to give you choices that he knew you would agree too. He was obviously trying to make it easier for you to say ‘yes’ to him, than ‘no’.

Loki is a master manipulator, seeing everyone and everything as a game to be played. So clever is he, that he can maneuver anyone into the position he wants them to be in, and many might just thank him for the opportunity to be used. Or so the book said.

“Then come along. Here.” He helped you fasten the knife to your braided belt, then offered his arm to lead you out into the hallway. “Your interest in the other races of the universe is commendable, _____. You seem to have such an easy time accepting it all. But I want a promise from you. In the unlikely event that you ever cross paths with a Jotun of any kind, I want you to stay away from them and hide. At least until someone can confirm that they are safe. It’s true that many Jotnar are non-hostile or even friendly to Asgardians, but you are not Asgardian. And if you know what differences to look for, your humanity is obvious, no matter how much like us you may appear. Will you promise me this? You don’t have to hate anybody, just show proper caution. A Jotun might crush you without even knowing you were there.”

“I…I guess that sounds reasonable.” You conceded. “I mean, when am I ever going to meet one? They probably don’t even know Earth exists.”

“Would that that were true.” He said, leading you into a slightly different meeting room than the one you’d been in before. This one seemed prepared for large groups or presentations, with a horseshoe-shaped table setup, and an old projector, like the ones used when you were in school. You glanced up at him, waiting for an explanation. He sighed.

“You’re probably not going to like this. You’ve made your opinions on colonization rather clear, and I’m inclined to agree with you to a certain extent, however…”

“Oh. Oh, were we…?”

“No. But we did try. And we weren’t the only ones. All the nine realms know of Midgard, and most of them have tried to colonize this world at some point. It is a most tempting realm. And yet, all have failed. Humans are so numerous, and reproduce so quickly. You go to war eagerly, for any reason. And you adapt to nearly any situation, even though you are weak and fragile compared to all of the rest of the peoples of the Nine Realms. Eight. Eight Realms.”

“The way you describe us sometimes…Are we scary to the rest of you?”

He scoffed. “I have no fear of you, if that’s what you’re asking. But it rather depends on how you look at things, doesn’t it? Longer lived races have fewer numbers, by necessity. But humans come in hordes, always. The sheer number of you is nearly unfathomable. You progress quickly. A mere eight thousand years from copper tools to space travel? Unheard of. That’s barely three Asgardian generations. It would be like you learning how to flake obsidian into blades with no idea what a planet even is…and then your grandchildren are sending robots to Mars.

“I sometimes think Odin claimed this place as one of the Realms, just to keep you contained. You might take this amiss, but if I try to think from his point of view, the notion of humans colonizing other worlds would be terrifying. You move so quickly. You adapt to so many living conditions. You would spread so fast. You know, the Frost Giants were the last to try to colonize this place?”

He pulled a chair out for you, right at the head of the table, next to him. Were you going to be involved in something here? You didn’t belong in that chair.

You sat down.

“They used a very powerful device to alter the landscape around them into ice. Didn’t slow the humans down at all. Multiple human civilizations continue to live in frozen lands. Your entire species developed and spread during a glacial period. Humans caused the Frost Giants so much difficulty that it allowed the Asgardian armies to not only drive them back, but to invade Jotunheim itself. They stole some important things from the Frost Giants, including the device, and that allowed us to force a peace with them, as well as declare Midgard as off limits. And so the races of the Eight Realms just sort of ignored the place. Until now, of course.”

He took his seat next to you, riffling through a small stack of papers on the table in front of him.

“Were you there?”

He paused. “…Yes…Barely. I was no more than an infant at the time. I have no recollection.”

“Oh. Um, should I do anything while I’m sitting here? I shouldn’t talk to anyone, should I?”

“You just watch and perhaps learn something. Our first guest won’t cause you any real trouble.”

The first guest turned out to be Beli, the old skaldic teacher you had seen a few days ago. He hailed you both with an elegant bow, and launched into speech. To your surprise, Loki began to translate for you.

“There’s an Asgardian holiday coming up soon; Buridag, held in honor of my great-grandfather, who built Asgard. Normally, the royal family throws a celebration for it, but we are going to have to do things a little differently this decade. Beli here is suggesting that Thor and I align ourselves to that cause, since we too, are building Asgard. I think it’s a good idea. The people need pride, and a reason to celebrate the future, as well as the past. What do you think?”

He was asking you? You had no idea. You had just now heard of this holiday; you couldn’t really understand its cultural significance.

“That sounds like a good idea, to start with.” You said. “I’m assuming you can’t throw the customary celebration because of the costs?”

“Unfortunately.” Loki said. “Our finances are limited for now. We aren’t suffering on a day-to-day basis or anything, but supporting a nation-wide holiday is a bit beyond us currently.”

“Right. So maybe everybody has to pitch in, right? You could…you could make a special kind of participation event. It’s building Asgard right? So pick a building that needs to get finished. Everybody works on it. Everyone puts up one board, or lays one tile, or one shingle, or something. The whole community builds one building, and that’s the main holiday event.”

Loki stared at you like he’d never seen you before, subdued delight spreading across his features.

“You…treasure! I am never letting you go!” You flinched back from the words, but he was already relaying your idea to Beli, who took it up with enthusiasm.

“Yes, of course, with the supervision of the engineers.” Loki was saying. “Even someone with no building experience should be able to put a nail in a board with their oversight. My brother and I can do the foundations, yes that seems appropriate…”

You were never going home. You would never, ever get to leave this place again. Had he even planned to let you leave in the first place, or had he decided, somewhere along the way, that he wouldn’t allow you to go?

The flow of excited planning faded away as you drew further into yourself.   Could you really be sure he hadn’t put this mark on you on purpose? How could you possibly know that he hadn’t lied about everything? You didn’t feel as though you had a handle on anything in your life right now; it was all just him leading you along. He had never meant for you to go back to your home, your own life. He’d taken it all.

“-Would that be alright?” He was asking. You jerked your head to look at him, seeing his expectant expression. You hadn’t heard a word he had said.

“Uh, yeah. That would be fine.” Well, you had to say something!

“Excellent!” The delight remained on his face, suffused with pride. In you? In himself, most likely. “We will arrange something proper for you, something spectacular, don’t you worry.”

Crap, what had you just agreed to?

Beli tried once again to schedule his class appointment, but was interrupted by a stern Einherjar. He said something in a quiet, terse manner, staring directly at you.

Loki sat up very straight. “Unfortunately, esteemed teacher, this will have to wait a little longer. Our guest’s attacker may have just been found.”

[mtvswatches]

Crazy Ex Girlfriend 4x08 I’m Not the Person I Used to Be

Stray thoughts

1) OMG I’m Other Rebecca!

2) This looks like a smut fanfic…

…except no one asked for it?

3) OMG!! What is it with Rebecca and shit?

REBECCA: Hey, I'm sorry I stunk up the toity yesterday.

JOSH: Oh, no problem. Made my eyes tear up, but, uh, I needed a good cry.

4) I fucking love when this show goes all meta!

5) And they did it again!!!

HEATHER: How long are you here for?

VALENCIA: For the rest of the series! …of holidays, I mean.

Is this going to be a thing in this episode? Because I love it!!

6) This scene was – in Heather’s words – THE BEST.

Okay, based on your face when you were looking at the guest list, my guesses are we're dealing with a frenemy, a nemesis or an ex. So it's an ex. Wait, no. But you dated Josh all through high school. So you cheated.  Oh, you really cared about this person. Oh, my God, you were in love. And nobody knows. Whoa. This is so juicy. Wait, wait, was it a girl? Oh, it was the first girl. Wait, is she here yet? Have you seen her? Oh, okay. So she's not here yet, but she's on the list. Okay, I am on it, I am gonna figure this all out.

I just love how well they know each other, and even though this is obviously exaggerated and played for laughs, it’s a quite accurate depiction of female friendship. When you really know your friends, it’s quite easy to read them and know what they’re thinking just by looking at their facial expressions.

7) So this is the episode, this is the episode where he gets back? Right? Btw, I nearly died when this happened…

REBECCA: Anyway, am I… I can't believe I'm saying this Am I meant to be with Nathaniel or Josh or both or neither?

VALENCIA: Neither.

HEATHER: Neither.

REBECCA: Right, of course. Because the idea of "meant to be" is a lie perpetuated by Western culture.

VALENCIA: No. You're meant to be with Greg.

HEATHER: Wait, you think that? I totally think that.

VALENCIA: Everyone thinks that.

Seriously, it made me feel so good inside and giddy to hear both of them validate how I FEEL. Yes, Rebecca is meant to be with Greg.

Now I’m getting nervous because I know he’ll show up soon. It is his high school reunion, after all. But “he” won’t be “he”anymore, and I’m not sure if the show will be able to pull off this switcharoo you know? Okay, I have to continue watching, don’t I?

8) I see what you’re doing, show…

REBECCA: Okay, look, the only way the only way… The only way Greg would ever be my "meant to be" is if we were in some sort of sci-fi weird parallel alternate universe where he was just a completely different person.

I swear to god, I just got chills when I heard his voice in the background. I’m not ready for this. I’ve been waiting two years for Greg to be back and yet this wasn’t what I was waiting for? What if I don’t like Greg anymore? I’m scared! Okay, I’m going to hit play again…

9) So here he is…

He does look Greg-ish, I must admit.

So, the idea is that this is how Greg has always looked to everyone but since Rebecca wasn’t mentally stable at the time they were together she saw him differently? Is that it? I mean, we always tend to see people differently after some time apart. And Rebecca has changed a lot since Greg last saw her, so that’s probably why she’s seeing him differently. Both of them have probably changed a lot.

10) OMG they did it again, the entire conversation!

GREG: No, I'm-I'm here on winter break. I'm actually back for the whole rest of the series… of holidays. Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year's and the finale…. Valentine's Day.

HECTOR: Valentine's Day. I guess that is the logical end of our series… of holidays.

11)

12) I love Heather so much…

13) Josh had a literally one good thing going on in his life right now – being prom king at his reunion – and it was all a lie!

14) Now, this was quite a revelation…

GREG: I got to confess, I've been back a few times.

REBECCA: You have?

GREG: Yeah, uh, I just thought it would be best if you and I didn't see each other.

REBECCA: So you were back in town and no one told me?

GREG: Well, I may have asked them not to. I did. Yeah, I did.

Question is… does he know about Rebecca and his dad? And everything that happened in the last two years?

15) The clean slate thing works considering he is literally a different person – at least physically, what he says sounds pretty Greg-ish to me – but it’s the easy way out for Rebecca… Sleeping with Greg’s dad is probably at the top of the worst things she’d done (and yes, I’m including pushing Trent off the balcony.)

16) OMG we’re getting a new Greg and Rebecca song, I can’t believe it.

Okay, show, I think you did it. You got Greg back and you didn’t piss me off in doing so. And of course the Greg and Rebecca song is amazing and it’s the first one this season that I actually love. I had to go back and watch it again.

I really didn’t believe they could pull this off, and I really don’t know how they did it, but it worked? Listening to these two sing to each other about their history together and seeing them reconnect… my heart was swelling with joy.

Also, I loved the fact that they made it clear Greg is still sober.

Is it weird that even though he’s clearly a different person, I do see Greg?

17) Man, I loved every Heather/Valencia scene in this episode! And damn, Valencia, that story is the thing great love stories are made of!

18) So… does Greg’s dad really have to talk to him about sleeping with Rebecca or was Greg trying to get Rebecca to fess up?

19) Yes, Rebecca, you make total sense…

I mean, he basically told her he didn’t feel for his ex-girlfriend the same way he’d felt for her, right? I wouldn’t want to fess up either...

20) WAIT, WHAT?!!!

HEATHER: What? It was Father Brah?

VALENCIA: Joseph. He never got the letter. My love letter was in his jacket in Hector's trunk for 12 years?!

OMFG this show just blew my mind!! He was going to marry Valencia and Josh, right? He was always giving Josh advice about his relationship with her? Is this why he decided to become a priest? WHAT IN THE HELL?!

21) I’m HEATHER, THIS IS HOW I FEEL WATCHING THIS EPISODE!!

22) A GEORGE SONG?!!! CAN THIS EPISODE GET ANY BETTER?!!!

Another catchy tune!! Love the Hollaback Girl homage! And I laughed so hard! “We learned to cry while you were popular!”

23) My shipping heart is killing me right now…

24) Oh, dang, indeed!

25) OH ME GERDS!!

Paula is going to freak out when she reads all those texts, isn’t she?

26) I SHIP THIS? A PRIEST AND A PARTY PLANNER?

What is this episode doing to me?

27) thIS FUCKING EPISODE, I SWEAR TO GOD!

Okay, it makes sense, Valencia is in a good relationship and she is very much in love with her girlfriend. And I’m sure Father Brah didn’t become a priest just because Valencia didn’t choose him. At least they got closure and knowing the truth about what happened definitely changes how they will look back on those memories.

28) OMG they were about to kiss and she told him!

I’m kind of sad she ruined the moment, but it had to be done. Good for you, Honest Rebecca, I’m proud!

29) Greg’s reaction was not what I had expected. He did freak out a little, but he was mostly surprised at how Rebecca came clean and owned up to probably the shittiest thing she could’ve done to him. He didn’t punch any walls (awwing at the reference!) And yes, Rebecca has changed, too. For the better. Old Rebecca? She would’ve lied and schemed and manipulated to prevent him from finding out until ultimately everything would’ve blown up in her face.

And I loved the fact that he’s the one to acknowledge they both have changed.

30) Paula’s ending scene!! I loved her reaction to all the texts from Rebecca as if she was seeing the situation unfold in front of her in real time. It was perfect!

31) This episode… is definitely my favorite episode this season! I just loved EVERYTHING about it? The Heather/Valencia/Father Brah B plot, Greg’s return, Hector’s obsession with the speech and the 2-hours lunch, Rebecca’s texts, the songs, the meta!

It was an amazing episode that reminded us why we love this show so much and why it is SO GOOD.

The writers knew the odds were against them in bringing back Greg with a different actor in the role, so they brought their A game and delivered a nearly perfect episode, one that I’m sure will be remembered as one of the best in the series.

And of course they had to amp up the meta jokes in this one - they were bringing back one of their main characters but played by a different actor, they had to make a meta-commentary about it. But I really enjoyed how organically they weaved the behind the scenes stuff into the storyline - they made the fact that they were recasting a character emotionally relevant for the characters.

I also love how all the storylines had a common thread and in a way reflected back to Rebecca’s storyline - Father Brah and Valencia missing their shot kind of echoes Greg and Rebecca’s story, although they might get a second chance now; Josh discovering this whole new side to the high school experience he’d never noticed before kind of mirrors Rebecca seeing Greg in a new light; Paula missing out on the events of the whole night and catching up in a few minutes probably mirrors Greg’s journey in this episode.

I was very hazy about the decision to cast a different actor to play Greg, but I also knew that if any show and any group of writers could pull it off, it was CEG. And God bless them, they did! I’m not saying I’m totally sold on New Greg yet, but I feel like I will. I feel like I will grow to love this Greg as well. And I think the fact that they were able to achieve that - the possibility of viewers falling in a love with a recast character - is a feat in itself.

This show is such a blessing, I swear! I can’t wait to rewatch this episode!

Sorry if I got a bit rambly and incoherent there, I just enjoyed this episode a lot!

32) Hope you enjoyed my recap, and, as usual, if you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi.Thanks!

[anabe23bookwormstuff]

Prologue

"Love is an endless mystery, because there is no reasonable cause that could explain it."

― Rabindranath Tagore.

I'm sitting on the cold floor with my back to the wall, some of the girls are practicing their stnts for later, but  I don't care anymore. We're all getting beaten in the end so what does it matter if I prepare for any fight? They're not releasing me even if I win.

I've gotten used to this, really, I might even miss it if one day I was gone. The empty cold spaces, the chip on my neck that shocks me if the grandmaser wishes to, the bad food, the screams of the crowd, this is the best life ever.

"Anette, your turn!" Topaz yells outside our cell, I get up as she calls for whoever is going to fight me tonight.

"Miss me?" I ask walking to the wall of weapons and lightly poking Topa'z arm with a sword.

In the past she could've beat me for that, or shock me, but after so many years she's used to my insolence and just rolls her eyes, leaving me there.

"I  know you did" I call out hopng she hears it.

I try mentalizing myself, trying to get a little loose you I can fight properly, the fact that I don't prepare anymore doesn't mean that I'll let them come at me just like that.

I stand near the door which wll guide me to the arena and wait to hear my name. In the distance I can hear the crowds roars, the people betting and celebrating another night of fun, or day, I'm not really sure.

"Anette, the jaw breaker!" I hear coming from the speakers and walk into the arena. What a ridiculous nickname, jaw breaker, I only smashed a girls jaw once, and it was ancident but apparently that was the only remarcable thing I'd done so far.

I try not to look at the strangers around me, when I first got here I used to do it, hoping that one of them will take pity on me and help me out, but no one did. Overtime looking at them made me angry or sad if they shouted things at me, so instead I now kept my eyes on my oponent and my hand on the hilt of my  sword.

Brenda has entered the ring now two an the people scream in excitement when Brenda acknowledges them and swings the long scepter she's decided to fight me with. It is at least the double the size of my sword and a little heavier, but I know I'll manage. If I haven't died  in fifthy years, I'm not doing it now.

That was a promise I made to myself, that I wouldn't die here in Sakaar, in the arena, at their eyes.

I let Brenda be the one to start the fight, she's one of the strongest fighters around here and all her confidence may cost her her life if she didn't pay attention. I duck and spin around avoding her punch. We roar and hit eachother with fury, but not managing to make any real damage. 

The grand master must've gotten bored watching such an even fight, because after what felt like ten minutes of fighting, an electric shock pulsed through my body, the pain started on my neck and as it intensfied it went through my body, the sword fell from my hands and I collapsed to the ground. Brenda didn't hesitate to take this advantage and smashed the scepter right into my stomach, then my face, and my arm. I coughed and tried crawling away  from her as I was still compulsing a little.

It was a bad move because it allowed her to step on me and once again hit my head. At this point I was coughing blood and trying to pat her leg to let her know that I surrender.

The weight crushing me down dissapeared and I stood as quickly as possible, running to get my sword back. Brenda waited for me, giving me a few moments to prepare.

This was unfair, I hated the grandmaster's control over us, and I hated how he always manipulated the fights to work on his favor. Wiping my mouth I swiveled my sword and chaged against her. I'd let my guard down enough, and if I didn't start fighting back she was going to end me.

Her blood now tainted the arena as my sword slashed her leg, she was now limping and coldn't move as fast as before, making me attacking her easier.

Our arms impacted loudly as we fought eachother,  I gave her a header and kicked the scepter out of her hand. She was now on the floor, our roles inverted, with a kick she made me fall too and our arms were now our fists.

I wasn't sure if the crowd was still cheering as all I could hear now was the blood pulsing through my ears and my angry screams. I managed to  wrap my hands around her neck and pressed, she dug her nails on my wrists but I wasn't going to stop. 

One of us will have to go for the other to keep living, and I was determined to survive another day. For a moment  was worried that the grandmaster would cheat again and shock me, but to my surprise no one stopped me from killing Brenda. 

When she took her last breath a guard came to help me stand and raised my fist in victory. I didn't scream or celebrated like everyone else, I didn't even bother to look up, I just waited to be scolted out of the arena.

As I was walking away I catch a glimpse of he grandmaster pointing at me and talking to a dark haired men, like he was inttroducng me or something. The man caught me staring and for a moment his blue eyes stayed on mine, quickly I turn away and got out of there.

I was taken back to the cell with all the other fighters, no one received a very special treatment around here, and we wouldn't even get medical checks unless we were seriously injured. I may have hurt my leg, broke my lip and earned a lot of bruises, but that was something I'll have to help myself wih.

The girls who used to get along with Brenda avoided me at all costs, althought they didn't spare ay of their acussing glances. For the moment I just wanted to sleep so that's what I did. I searched for the emptiest corner and ignored the girls who congratulated me, then fell asleep on the ground.

A bucket of cold water woke me up later that day.

"What the hell?!" I exclaimed wiping the water out of my eyes to look at whoever did it.

"The grandmaster wants today's winners to join him at a party and make company to his friends" Topaz informed me.

I clenched my fists and followed her as she woke other three girls up and explained them the same thing. This was something that only happened when the grandmaster got new friends, or someone important arrived to Sakaar, which was almost always an accident but still, it happened.

I'd only been called before five times, always having to take a quick cold shower and then change into luxrious dresses, then we'll join the grandmaster, dance for him and his friends and obey them for the night.

It was no secret that I always tried to be as problematic and disrespectful as possible.

"Come on ladies, only five more minutes left" Topaz hurried us as we took a shower.

Some of the girls were nervously talking about what might wait for them, they'd never experienced this.

"Just keep talking or dancing and you'll be fine" I told them walking out of the room to get dressed. They followed behind me.

"Are you sure this is not some trick to get rid of us?" Eira asked.

"I'm not sure at all, but I can tell you that I've done this before and I'm still here. So don't worry much"

"And what are they going to do to us? His friends I mean, or even the grandmaster...?" I looked away remembering first time they did something to me.

"As I said before, keep talking or dancing and you'll be fine" I didn't want to say anything else, and I guess it showed. They nodded akwardly and put on their dresses.

I snorted when I noticed my reflection on the golden doors that led to the grandmasters suit, my hair was curled, I had a shimering shadow on my eyes and black lips that combined with my dress, the other girls looked something along those lines.

A guard was staring at me and looking me upside down with no shame, I blew a kiss to him and then showed him my middle finger, he turned away instantly.

"That's what  I thought asshole" I murmured nder my breath. I took a deep breath and noticed the other girls doing it too, getting ready for when the doors opened.

There was an exploso of colors, sounds and smells inside. Loud electronic music was playing as people gathered around tabls to play cards or bet, other were enjoying food or dancing around. Topaz took s directly to the center of the room where a bunch of men were drinking and talking with the grandmaster.

"Vow" Topaz instructed us. We all did, only I pursed my lips while doing so and looked defiantly at him. My broken lip protested against it but I did it anyways.

"Ladies, thanks for joining us tonight. You'll have a chance to delight us, charm us, enterain us tonight and if you are lucky, join one of my friends for tonight" He excitedly explained. 

A girl next to me gulped and I could almost feel her anxiety.

"What would you like us to do grandmaster?" Gerd, the girl on the red dress asked beating her eyelashes at him. I see you there Gerd, going for the most powerful men on this planet, smart move if the grandmaster cared about anything but him.

"You can start dancing and then we'll see, maybe you can hang out with my friends for a bit"

She smiled at him and started dancing in front of them. I rolled my eyes and walked a little further to dance with my back turned on them.

If I closed my eyes I could almost imagine that I was dreaming, a recurring nightmare but comforting at the same time. My feet hurt from the battle and if I leaned for too long on my left leg it cramped in protest, other than that, this was almost fun.

I made sure to keep dancing around and avoid the men glances when I could, if any of them spoke to you then he'll most likely ask the grandmaster to take you with him for the night, he'll get your chip control and made you do whatever he wanted with you.

I'll never let that happen to me again.

"All gather around please and let me introduce you to my new friends" he called for us, I decided to ignore him and keep dancing.

"What's her name?" I head him ask.

"Anette" Topaz answered

"Sure, now I remember, Anette the kaw breaker. We should change her name to Anette the nake breaker" he jocked behind my back.

"Anette! beautiful Anette, come and join us" he called out for me. I had to listen to him or he'll shock me so I turn around but didn't got close.

"I'll like to keep dancing my lord" I answered 

"But we all would like to meet you, don't make me beg" he said.

"I would really prefer not to, Grandmaster" I vowed mockingly. I could see that my defiance wasn't funny at all to him. He made a signal to Topaz and the next moment I fell to my knees when the electric current hit me.

"Take her here please" The Grandmaster ordered to his guards and they dragged me to the floor in front of him.

He lifted my chin and sqinted his eyes while studying me.

"I remember you now, from a couple of years ago... or sometime before. You're a little trouble maker. I hope tonight you'll behave better, just as if this was your first time here" he whispered the last part on my ear and helped me stand, the other girls were sittng amongs his friends but he made stay kneeled before him.

 I kept my mouth shut and didn't argue any further , still there was an anoyed look on  my eyes and an angry scowl on my face.

After some time had passed the Grandmaster ordered me to sit on his lap, I smiled, and did as he said only that  I  accidently fell forward and my knee hit his crotch. The grandmaster tossed me aside to cover it and try to breath properly. His eyes had watered and even if I'd hit my head on the table behind me, it was worth it.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry Grandmaster. Please, let me help you" I said with the fakest voice I've ever heard myself use and stood up. Everyone around me gasped and the girls were looking afraid at me. The guards tried helping the Grandmaster or were just waiting near me in case they had to get rid of me.

"Don't you dare take another step closer" The Grandmaster said composing himself, a devilish grin crossed his face as he asked Topaz for my neck control.

"Thank you. Ladies, I want to thank all of you for your services tonight, but you still have one job left. I thought that I would just enjoy the party with you, but your friend here has shown me how fll of energy you must all are, so before you are released, each of my friends get to spend the rest of the night with eachone of you that they choose" he declared. Althought they tried to hide it, the other girls were panicking, I'd told them that they would be fine, they wouldn't have to do anything besides dancing and talking, and now becasue of me the men could do whatever they wanted with them.

"I can stay in replacement of all of them" I tried negociating, I never intended to get them in trouble, only me. Always me.

"Dear, I'm sure you could, but I have many new friends today and I want to give them each one a girl for the night"

I tried arguing but the Grandmaster wouldn't allow me, he always found a way to cu me off or trick me, or shock me if I didn't shut up.

"Please choose one my friends" The Grandmaster said to the men sitting arond him.  None of them focused their gaze on me. Cowards. They prefered any of the other girls and that left me wondering what  will happen to me then. Will the Grandmaster take me? Would he punish me fruther for desobeying him tonight?

"Come on Loki, you can take her." The Grandmaster said to a young black haired man sitting beside him. I recognized him from earlier, after the fight, when I caught him and the Grandmaster signaling me.

Instead of replying Loki stared toughtfully at me, like he was calclating the challenge.

"I think maybe you'll like to take her yourself Grandmaster" he answered while staring at me, like he was waiting for my reaction. Idiot.

The Grandmaster laughed and patted his back.

"Come on Loki, you can't be scared of the girl"

"I'm not scared, I just think you could make a better use of her company. After all, she's been trying to get your attention all night" I pursed my lips and looked tot he floor, the Grandmasters stare was focused on me. I could feel my body tension up anticipating to fight, I knew that if the Grandmaster took me with him, he'll make me pay for my behaviour tonight, and I didn't want to.

I heard nothing for a moment and continued saring at the floor, my hands furiously taking one another.

"Maybe..."

"But if you insist, she's mine for the night" I heard Loki say, I raised my head to look at him. He was grinning, like he enjoyed my discomfort at thinking that the Grandmaster would take me.

He held out his hand to receive my control and the Grandmaster gave it to him.

"What am I supossed to do with her?" He asked

"Whatever you want, you have until six am to return or fighter" The Grandmaster answered victoriously.

Loki smiled and vowed his head, then he came to where I was kneeling.

"Up" he instructed me and started walking towards the exit doors, not turning bacck to make I was following him. I had to go this time, I could handle him and if we were getting out here then no one cold stop me. As I walked away the Grandmaster waved goodbye at me with a big smile on his face.

I thought I'd lost Loki on the crowd and turned everywhere to try and find him, then he appeared behind me making me shout in surprise.

"What were you doing?" He asked trying to hide his smile.

"I was looking for you... my Lord" I said trying not to let much of my hatred to show.

"Well you did, now. Let's go, a great night awaits us" he said shaking my control in his hand. When he turned to keep walking I tried making him trip, but the second his body touched my stretched feet he disapeared into a green mist and reapeared beside me.

"I forgot my manners, please" He grinned offering his arm to me and tightly interlocking it with mine.

As we walked all could think about was how weird this new stranger was, how had he done that? How did he dissapeared? Because I'm sure he dissapeared and was enjoying every second he was making me doubt.

"Where are we going?" I asked when we were far away from the  party and going up in the elevator.

"My room" he answered not looking at me. My grip on the iron bar to stabilize myself increased, I was pressng it so hard that I wondered if I could break it.

Loki studied me upside down and smiled when he noticed my white knuckles.

That was when I met him, the first night I got to spoke to him and since that night things will change for the both of us. I can't say I regret it, but I do think life could've more kind to the two of us, at least now... we have another chance.

[etaerealsuga-blog]

HOE, DON’T YOU DARE ☀️ PT.2

imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: why are you sitll breathing, odr? probinjail: aw, come on love - you still got it good for old odr, huh? freydayisthebestday: ASDFGHJKL SOMEONE HOLD FREYA BACK SHE'S READY TO STORM HIM collectyourbitchsigyn: LET HER GO I WANT ODR TO DIE MORE THAN I WANT BALDR TO DIE virgintilldeath: For gods' sakes, Loki, you want everyone to die. lokixsanity: Except moiiiiiii. collectyourbitchsigyn: Fine babe, except you smh. probinjail: Let her go Frey, I want to see Freya again walmartzeus: Bitch no, wtf - none of us like you even if you are my brother poseidonroundtwo: Yh, you were the worst relationship Freya ever had. iseeyoubitch: Odr stop lurking around Frey and Freya's flat, creep poseidonroundtwo: GET AWAY FROM MY CHILDREN'S DOOR YOU FUCKING TWAT tryhardnjord: Tbfh, Odr come home immediately - I'm not going to fight Njord at another Thanksgiving. virgintilldeath: Fgs, Odin you never think right - Odr, come home dear. probinjail: Ugh fine Mom, Freya PM me, also someone change my name because that's so damn rude. collectyourbitchsigyn: Get over it, dick. imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: See, even your family want you gOnE fgs you cheated on me with Gerd. poseidonroundtwo: DO NOT MENTION THAT NAME. collectyourbitchsigyn: True, I never liked that girl - so cold to everyone. walmartzeus: You're mad you couldn't dick her down. lokixsigyn: eXcUsE mE?! THE ONLY ONE HE CAN DICK DOWN IS ME protecthimfiveever: what does dick down mean? tryhardnjord: You don't need to know son. virgintilldeath: YOU GUYS ARE ALL HAVING BAD EFFECTS ON BALDR STOP. probinjail: You guys are so kinky. imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: Excuse me, Mr Toe Fetish? *probinjail has left the groupchat!* freydayisthebestday: wEaKlInG freydayisthebestday: i seE YOU LURKING FGS collectyourbitchsigyn: Still there huh? virgintilldeath: HE LIED TO HIS MOTHER?! tryhardnjord: FRIGG NO, LET THE BOY LIVE. poseidonroundtwo: KILL HIM FRIGG, I DON'T WANT HIM AT OUR CHRISTMAS imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: Y'all if he's there then ya girl won't be there, I swear. collectyourbitchsigyn: wHo wAnTeD yOu tHeRe? *elsaoncrack has entered the groupchat* elsaoncrack: Who even loves you, Loki? Cause I don't. lokixsanity: Excuse me that is my boyfriend, you tiny dick bitch, say that again and I'ma burn your ass real fast boi. Just because you had a shit life. Bye boi. *elsaoncrack has been dragged by their weave out of the groupchat!* imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: MY HOMEGIRL SIGYN COMING THROUGH TO THE OLD MAN walmartzeus: OH SHIT LOKI KEEP HER AROUND collectyourbitchsigyn: Wtf? collectyourbitchsigyn: How have I lived without you before now? collectyourbitchsigyn: We're going on a data, come on Sigyn. protecthimfiveever: SEND US THE CUTE AND UGLY IMAGES ASDFGHJL freydayisthebestday: STILL SHOOK AT SIGYN OVER HERE iseeyoubitch: I'm pretty sure Laufey is crying idk, he ran off somewhere. virgintilldeath: Aw, I love Sigyn - I'm so glad you, Heimdall, Loki (sometimes) and the Njord family are around us! freydayisthebestday: We love chilling with you Odin guys too! poseidonroundtwo: You know we make those family and friends dinners awesome iseeyoubitch: Thanks Mrs Frigg, you know we love your cooking too! imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: we make your days LIT freydayisthebestday: SHIT THE PIZZA'S HERE, FREYA GET OFF YOUR PHONE collectyourbitchsigyn: I WANT FOOD TOO, SIGYN COME WITH ME lokixsanity: YOU NEED TO CATCH UP WITH ME BRO walmartzeus: I'M ALREADY ON THE WAY IDIOTS protecthimfiveever: I'm walking through the park, I'll be on my way iseeyoubitch: I'm at your door let me in. tryhardnjord: Look. virgintilldeath: At. poseidonroundtwo: These. freydayisthebestday: Fucking. imnotsayingshe'sagolddigger: Fatties.

[dianabercea]

Digging deeper: Dreams

Dreams are defined by vivid or memorable images, emotions and sensations that occur during different stages of sleep. Although the content and purpose of dreams are not fully understood, they have been a huge topic in terms of science, psychology and religion interest throughout history. Many approve the Freudian theories about dreams - that they give insight into hidden desires and emotion, whereas others believe that dreams assist in memory formation, problem solving or simply are a product of random brain activation. Dreams play a substantial role in helping us cope with grief, stress and traumas. Most of our dreams are actually unpleasant; the most common emotions in dreams include fear, guilt, anxiety and helplessness. Moreover, anxiety dreams can be helpful – one theory is that we are working through our anxieties and more able to see what stresses us during the day. Dreams are an opportunity to work through things that frighten us in real life, to play out worst-case scenarios in an environment where they have no consequences. In order to get through the day, we have to edit out so much of what is going on around us, and if we pay attention to our subconscious and our dreams we get a different angle on our lives and issues. When we’re dreaming, we’re thinking in a state we never have access to by day. Dreams offer the opportunity to think in a different way and show new answers to problems, they often contain the seeds of something important.   The key themes that I thought of are: sleep, fiction, emotion, imagination. For further expansion I did word association: Sleep: calmness, rest(less), mattress, insomnia, REM, fatigue, eternal, disturbed Fiction: fake, utopian/dystopian, surrealism, supernatural, storytelling, speculative, mythic Emotion: anxiety, sadness, empathy, jealousy, hatred, overwhelming, passionate Imagination: originality, sensibility, idealism, contemplation, picturesque, stimulation.

Using the keywords above I have found some interesting articles: “Les yeux de W” at Centre Régional d’Art Contemporain Occitanie” is an exhibition containing the work of the French artist Laura Lamiel, which takes the viewer’s body and mind on an inner journey through a succession of rooms through which one roams and crosses like the recesses of a memory that is sometimes vivid, sometimes buried, at times radiant, now gloomy. In this exhibition, the details act like the synapses of an infinite brain in which spaces fit squarely inside one another, getting divided, reflected and wrapped. The letter W’s dual and symmetrical structure indicates one way of approaching the journey. Laura Lamiel has been creating minimalist abstract landscapes that defeats our perception of reality in every possible way. By combining quirky deceptions, symmetries and plays of mirrors, Laura Lamiel’s sculptures, installations, photographs and drawings disrupt our perspective while causing new images to emerge. In a reality that seems to be constantly slipping away, Laura Lamiel’s work keeps the perspective tense and  radiates perception into the depths of an inner experience. The artist constructs each of her works with an unparalleled meticulousness, combining smooth and gritty, hot and cold materials. White enameled steel, plexi-glass and neon are combined with varnished wood, copper, incense granules, but also with fabric, paper and cotton. The exhibition presents cell structures at the scale of human body. These are work and thought spaces in which the artist has placed stripped-down forms, but also archives, gloves and tissues that seem to have traveled through time, their worn-out appearance obstructing the calm, silent organization of the works. Laura Lamiel gives a significant level of attention to these tiny objects and fragments of life, bringing every focal distance of the eyes into play. From the finest detail to the overall space, the artist invites us to look in every way possible, under, through or from behind, while bringing to the surface what we tend to neglect, treating blind spots as quintessential looking-spaces.

The anxious art of Liana Finck: the New York cartoonist posts on Instagram her observations of urban life and how its etiquette is breached. “I think it inspires my Instagram drawings because I use those mostly to figure out things that are bothering me and make sense of them.” Somewhat ironically, it’s those drawings that draw the most negative response on Instagram. Finck’s keen observation of human behavior reflects intense awareness – to the point of self-consciousness – of her own. She frames her work as “noticing how civilization works” – moments when the urban fabric is momentarily pulled tight. If you do not pay these trivial violations any mind, it may be because city living fosters a certain obliviousness, a thicker skin. But not everyone develops it. “Sometimes I feel like a person who notices these things in a world of blind people who don’t”.

Next, we have Tracey Emin with her own reassembled bed, from when she used to live in a council flat in Waterloo, exhibited in Tate Britain for the first time in 15 years. She describes her work, “My Bed”, as a portrait of a young woman.   It shows her real bed at the time in all its embarrassing glory, with used condoms, dirty underwear and empty bottles of alcohol strewn across the crumpled stained sheets. Emin had expressed her wish for the piece to go to a museum and described the Tate as “the natural home” for the work. Emin herself was very involved in how the work was to be presented, and it sits in a gallery alongside two Francis Bacon’s paintings, his 1951 Study of a Dog and his 1961 Reclining Woman, as well as six of her drawings that Emin gifted to the Tate to mark the occasion. Emin said part of the reason she had been so keen to have the work back at Tate Britain was to have a chance to change people’s original perceptions of the piece.“It’s really important to me to show it in context,” she said. “When I showed it originally at the Tate Britain as part of the Turner prize, nobody even bothered looking at the work that surrounded it, even though there were my watercolours, my drawings. So, what’s really great by having the Bacons around it, people will look at the Bacons and they will understand the connection with the bed and my other drawings. They will see the bed is art and that, with these incredible artworks around it, it is in good company.”  what would be the most suitable companions, and she was involved in selecting the paintings that would be shown alongside her work. Emin considered that Francis Bacon was a very immediate answer to the question of who would be the most suitable companion to have his/her art shown alongside Emin’s, because there are wonderful reference’s between their work. There is this sheer vitality of the body that moves in spaces combined with a sense of internal turmoil.

Valerio Nicolai, an Italian artist, has a series of works entitled “Amarena”, exhibited in Milan, which is dedicated to that particular moments when everything we thought we knew falls and certainties fall down, personal apocalypses perceived as absolute, moments in which our vision of the world alters and turns to red. The material he uses already contain its own story and his artworks emerge as the result of an exchange of questions and answers between the artist and his creation. The name “Amarena” might recall an idealized childhood, an eternal start of summer spent climbing trees to eat fruits, ice cream cones bought by grandparents, but it could easily be the name of a devastating climatic event, a typical storm originated off the Brazilian coasts. The red dominant of the works is the color of the stage Nicolai interposes between subjective and objective realities in contrast. The images above represent 2 of his works, “Toilette”(the red painting) and “II festeggiato” (the red sculpture).

“What does idealism get you today? Abuse, derision, or sometimes prison” The world is holding its breath and it's stifling. Ever since the financial crash, there's been a sense of stasis, of waiting to see what emerges. As the wait goes on, the feeling of possibility becomes more overwhelming. The comical slogan that appeared in the immediate wake of the crisis, "Keep calm and carry on", makes all right-thinking people want to go mad. But that's largely because people aren't just keeping calm. A common air of resignation has taken over. There's lots of protest on social networking sites, lots of declarations, petitions, information. Yet, this feels like converted people are preaching to each other, their ideas and beliefs only gaining traction when opponents resort to anonymous abuse and threats. Far from bringing people together, social networking sometimes seems only to reveal the depths of our division.

With “From Anxiety to Volition”, the Kunstmuseen Krefeld is showing the first retrospective exhibition dedicated to Ludger Gerdes. With the beginnings of postmodernism in the late 1970s, Ludger Gerdes introduced a new communicativeness to sculpture and installation art—after Minimal and Concept Art. He dealt with architecture, nature and historical aesthetic concepts, as well as modernism, the public space and art’s relevance for society. His art is based on architectonic quotations, metaphors, abstractions and figurations, stagings, the pictorial quality of sculpture and word acrobatics. He assembled these recurring modules into models of thought and narratives whose structures or conclusions deliberately remain open. Models that show the world on a small scale, trees that symbolize the relationship between culture and nature, paintings that are sculptures,  words that fall out of everyday speech and a man wearing a top hat who views a painting in one moment and disappears the next.

The relationship between dreams and art is a strong one, having in common the idea that both can be either real or unreal. They complete each other replacing what it is with what might be and they are both exposed at different interpretations. Take, for instance, the extraordinary work of the 15th-century Dutch painter Hieronymus Bosch, who used the fantastical and the grotesque to explore morality and mortality, depicting scenes from his dreams and visions.

[purecinema23]

Dunkirk - 4 Stars

Directed by Christopher Nolan

Great Movies

 It’s May of 1940 and the Germans are winning World War 2.  In fact, they’ve driven the allied forces back so far that they’ve surrounded them in the small, Northern French fishing town of Dunkerque, which lies on the banks of the English Channel.  The allies are in constant, imminent danger and there are about 400,000 of them surrounded by about 800,000 German soldiers.  Fortunately for them, the German Field Marshals in charge, Gerd von Rundstedt and Gunther von Kluge, issued a ‘Halt Order’, which meant that instead of wasting tanks and troops on a land attack, they would just pick off the stranded troops from the air with their Luftwaffe.  With Britain just across the Channel, new Prime Minister Winston Churchill enacted an evacuation order, with Naval and private vessels sent into the battle in what became an evacuation of over 300,000 Allied troops, lifted the spirits of the Allies and would prove to be one of the turning points of the Great War.

 Now that you know the history; let’s talk about the film.  Christopher Nolan is in a class all of his own as a filmmaker, and I don’t necessarily mean that as a compliment.  He’s definitely made some great films (like Memento, Batman Begins) and some pretty average ones that have been over praised like crazy because of pretentious twists (like The Prestige and Interstellar).  But one thing that you can say about Nolan is that he is probably the only director in the world that is able to consistently demand blockbuster budgets and also make films that don’t easily fit into a mould. And for good or bad reasons, his films are always memorable.  In fact, they are an event.  Dunkirk is certainly an event, but it is different to what I thought it would be.

 When I think of Christopher Nolan, I think of terrible dialogue, twist endings, long runtimes and repetitive soundtracks.  When I think of war movies I think of politics-heavy, brutal affairs that go for way too long.  I can happily report that Dunkirk eschews those stereotypes to deliver an experience that is well-executed, tense and inspiring, and all in less than 2 hours!

 One of the big pluses of Dunkirk is that it looks absolutely beautiful, with Director of Photography, Hoyte Van Hoytema (who shot Her) delivering not only startling images, but also creating a real sense of claustrophobia at the right moments, adding to the tension of the film.  Hans Zimmer provides the score, which has moments of strings atop a synth arrangement all set to a ticking clock that gradually quickens and quickens and quickens until it STOPS, and then there is silence.  In Dunkirk, silence may be the scariest sound of all, because you never know when that silence will be interrupted by a Luftwaffe aircraft about to make it rain bombs over the over-inhabited beach, or a barrage of bullets that peppers whatever fortress the Allies could muster.  

 Mercifully, the film is not riddled with Nolan’s trademark dialogue, which is usually so weighed down with exposition and gravitas that it suffocates his movies.  In fact, this movie has very little dialogue from most characters, with actors forced to use their actions and reactions to tell the audience how the events are making them feel.  Mark Rylance, as a civilian boat owner who sails headfirst into Dunkirk to do his bit for the war effort, is wonderfully understated and Harry Styles is surprisingly solid with the amount of work that he has to do.  Nolan couldn’t help but slip in some bad dialogue, which Kenneth Branagh had to recite the brunt of, but overall the restraint from Nolan is impressive.

 In a lot of ways, it’s a pretty straight movie from Nolan, except for his narrative device that allows the movie to play out over three different timelines.  It may take some getting used to for some audiences, but the device allows the land, sea and air efforts all to hit a climax at the same time on the screen, while dividing screen time evenly across the film. Unfortunately, he didn’t knock this device out of the park, as telling the story completely actually forces him to show some of the same events 2 or 3 times for each character arc to make sense. Sadly, this stunts the impact of the ending of the movie somewhat, but I must admit, a tear was starting to well in my eye regardless.

 Maybe it’s because this movie actually means something to Nolan.  How could it not?  The Spirit of Dunkirk was something that shaped the British war effort, a phrase that epitomised the efforts of all Brits through the adversity that was the German attack on Great Britain.    Nolan is a British man.  This is his Omaha Beach, his Gallipoli.  It is both very Nolan and also unlike anything he has produced, and largely better for it.  It’s a hell of an achievement and well worth seeing on the big screen.  It’s the best film of the year so far and it gets 4 stars from me.

[catholiccom-blog]

Four Reasons to Believe Jesus Was Really Crucified

"In all our travels and movements, in all our coming in and going out, in putting off our shoes, at the bath, at the table . . . whatever employment occupies us, we mark our foreheads with the sign of the cross." Tertullian

The cross, symbolizing Christ's saving death by crucifixion, has been a sacred sign and symbol for Christians from the beginning. Indeed, the crucifixion of Jesus as a real event in history is at the heart of the Christian Faith.

But there are some who deny that Christ died on the cross. Although all four Gospels testify to the crucifixion, some skeptics chalk up the narratives—or even Christ's very existence—to pagan mythology. Many Muslims also reject the crucifixion event, a doubt that is rooted in the Quran: "And [for the Jews’] saying, 'Indeed, we have killed the Messiah, Jesus, the son of Mary, the messenger of Allah.’ And they did not kill him, nor did they crucify him" (Sura 4:157).

Despite these dissenting claims, the evidence is one-sided in favor of a real, historical crucifixion of Jesus. Here are four reasons why.

1. Early sources confirm the crucifixion of Jesus

The Quran was written in the seventh century, almost six hundred years after the crucifixion of Christ. But the Gospels, in contrast, were written thirty-five to sixty-five years after the events they describe. Moreover, the dating of St. Paul's epistles is even earlier. His first letter to the Corinthians, written around A.D. 55, contains an early Christian creed which begins:

For I delivered to you as of first importance what I also received, that Christ died for our sins in accordance with the scriptures, that he was buried, that he was raised on the third day in accordance with the scriptures... (1 Corinthians 15:3-7)

Scholars date this creed, which represents an early oral tradition of the Christian Church, to within six years after Christ's death. Some have argued that it may have been written months after Christ’s death and resurrection. Although this creed does not explicitly mention crucifixion, earlier in the same epistle Paul mentions "Christ crucified" on multiple occasions (1 Cor. 1:23, 2:2), confirming the sort of death Jesus died.

We can be confident in the reliability of St. Paul's testimony because he confirmed the contents of his preaching with Peter and other apostles (Gal. 1:18; 2:1-2). Furthermore, the writings of Clement of Rome and Polycarp—disciples of St. Peter and St. John, respectively—also ensure us of St. Paul's integrity when they refer to him as "blessed" and "glorious" Paul. Some have even argued that Polycarp considers some of Paul's writing to be Sacred Scripture (Epistle to the Philippians 12:1). The Gospels, St. Paul’s eyewitness-informed writings, and a very early creed provide strong historical testimony to the crucifixion.

2. Multiple ancient sources from Christians and non-Christians

Early canonical and non-canonical Christian sources testify to Jesus's crucifixion, and we can also confirm that early non-Christian sources confirm our case. In the first century, Roman historian Tacitus and Jewish historian Josephus confirm more than just Christ's crucifixion: they also note Pilate's association with the execution. Tacitus, referring to the crucifixion as the "extreme penalty", writes in The Annals:

Nero fastened the guilt and inflicted the most exquisite tortures on a class hated for their abominations, called Christians by the populace. Christus, from whom the name had its origin, suffered the extreme penalty during the reign of Tiberius at the hands of one of our procurators, Pontius Pilatus... (15.44)

Other early, unsympathetic sources that refer to Christ's execution include Lucian of Samosata and Mara Bar Serapion. The Greek writer Lucian writes, "The Christians, you know, worship a man to this day—the distinguished personage who introduced their novel rites, and was crucified on that account" (The Passing of Peregrinus). He adds that Jesus was crucified in Palestine, a further corroboration with the Gospels.

While noting that there are multiple Christian and non-Christian sources corroborating Christ’s crucifixion, it is important to note the great diversity of genres that mention this event: ancient biography, historiography, creed, epistle, and hymn. It would be absurd to indifferently pass over the broad impact of Jesus’ death in the ancient world.

3. Eyewitness testimony

Recent scholarship persuasively confirms that the four Gospels are based on eyewitness testimony. A leading scholar in this area, Richard Bauckham, concludes that the Gospels "embody the testimony of the eyewitness, not of course without editing and interpretation, but in a way that is substantially faithful to how the eyewitnesses themselves told it (Jesus and the Eyewitnesses). He shows that the Gospel writers were "in more or less direct contact with eyewitnesses." Consider, for example, the prologue of St. Luke's Gospel which resembles the style of ancient historiography:

Inasmuch as many have undertaken to compile a narrative of the things which have been accomplished among us, just as they were delivered to us by those who from the beginning were eyewitnesses and ministers of the word... (Luke 1:1-3)

Bauckham further argues that St. John's Gospel was not merely based on firsthand testimony, but written by an eyewitness to the crucifixion. This is suggested in John's epilogue where the evangelist confirms, "This is the disciple who is bearing witness to these things, and who has written these things" (John 21:24).

4. Embarrassing testimony

Some skeptics have posited that the Gospels, including the crucifixion, are fabrications, but this is unlikely given a few important points.

First, attributing the Gospels to non-apostles such as Mark or Luke is unlikely unless they really were the original authors. If you want people to believe your false Gospel, why not go with a prominent apostle like Peter or Andrew? Or, as theologian Brant Pitre offers, "why not go straight to the top and attribute your Gospel to Jesus himself?" (The Case For Jesus).

Second, the Passion narratives sparkle with authenticity because of their uncensored portrayal of Jesus’s suffering. Although at times even his enemies notice his composure under extreme duress, other scenes such as Jesus's agony in Gethsemene or his anguished cry of "My God, my God, why have you forsaken me?" portray a weakened, suffering Messiah. New Testament historian Michael Licona confirms that, in antiquity, "a number of accounts existed of Jewish martyrs [i.e the seven brothers in 2 Maccabees, Eleazar, and Stephen] who acted bravely under extreme torture and execution. In light of these, reports of a weaker Jesus at his arrest and crucifixion could cause embarrassment in contrast" (The Resurrection of Jesus). Historians consider the criterion of embarrassment to be an important consideration when determining a source’s reliability. Thus, these potentially unflattering details in the Passion accounts are unlikely inventions.

No mainstream scholar today argues against Jesus’ historical existence. In fact, nearly all New Testament scholars today, many of whom are non-Christians and skeptics, consider not only Christ’s existence but his crucifixion to be "historical bedrock." Critic John Dominic Crossan writes that "Jesus’ death by crucifixion under Pontius Pilate is as sure as anything historical can ever be" (Jesus: A Revolutionary Biography). With similar conviction, atheist scholar Gerd Lüdemann concludes, "Jesus' death as a consequence of crucifixion is indisputable" (The Resurrection of Christ).

The rejection of the crucifixion of Jesus Christ is historically untenable. Thus all non-Christians who are willing to face the fact are left with a jarring conundrum. They must face the questions: How in the world, in light of their Messiah’s brutal execution, did the small group of common Jewish men and women known as "Christians" ever come to believe that Christ was God? How on earth did Christianity ever get off the ground? Only one answer comes close—and it is the same answer that Christians have given for two thousand years: Christ has died, Christ is risen.

[ask-the-bavarian-clubs]

What's the clubs' full names? I only see first names in the bio!

Sechzig: “Okay, Anon, let me get this straight. You call us by our real names but still demand our aliases? Talk about-”Bayern: “Shut up, Sechzig. What she means is that she’ll explain everything about the name she chose, and we’ll explain ours too!”Sechzig: (hisses) “What the fuck are you up to, Bauern?”Bayern: (whispers) “And what the fuck are you up to, 59? You can’t scare away askers!”Sechzig: “Oh, so you care about my image now?”Bayern: “No, I care about this blog… and Fürth, too, for that matter.”Sechzig: (sneers) “Awww, so sweet.”Bayern: “I’m gonna pretend I didn’t hear that. Anyway, Anon, let us begin!”

Bayern: “My full name is Franziska Müller. I plan to change it to Franziska Lahm, though - I think it’s a great way to honor Philipp (my captain) after his retirement.”Fürth: “Hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you tell ‘em the Story of Franziska?”Bayern: (grins) “That’s a great idea! A long time ago-”Sechzig: (slaps hand over Bayern’s mouth) “NOPE!”Bayern: “Oh, yes, Leonie. It’s a meaningful story, after all…” (clears throat)

A long time ago in the city of Munich, there lived a little boy who loved football. He wanted to be a footballer when he grew up, so naturally, his biggest wish is to play for the best team in Munich at the time: TSV 1860.

When his team played said best team, he was excited beyond belief - I can’t believe I’m going to play the greatest team ever! he must have thought as his junior team takes on the field.

But his thoughts did not last long. The Sechzig team didn’t play nice - one player even clipped the then-little striker’s ear, causing him to have second thoughts about joining the Lions.

Do I really want to play for these bullies? he wondered. The answer was as clear as day: no. So when the boy turned fourteen, he joined the underdogs from FC Bayern.

As he grows up, the boy became a libero - one of Bayern’s best, no less! Over the course of his career, he clinched three European Cups, four DFB Cups, four German championships… the list goes on.

His achievements have earned him the nickname Der Kaiser, or the Emperor. Sounds familiar?

Why yes, ladies and gentlemen. This little boy is none other than the great Franz Beckenbauer.

No player will ever be bigger than the club, but he certainly comes close.

Bayern: “And that’s why I named myself after him. Not just to honor a legend, but also to remind Sechzig what could have been - and what she could never achieve!”Fürth: (gives Bayern a standing ovation) “Man, I can never get enough of that story!”Sechzig: (grumbles profanities under her breath)Fürth: “Now, can I go next? Or do you wanna talk about your last name?”Bayern: “My last name doesn’t need a lot of explanation,” (chuckles) “The name ‘Müller’ came from Gerd, my and Germany’s all-time top scorer - and the best striker in the world! - as well as Thomas, my baby boy, he’s just so loyal, such a hardworker. If he wasn’t married, I think I want him to father my children.”Sechzig: “That’s fucking disgusting.”Bayern: “What? Augsburg’s dating a mortal. Why can’t I?”Kickers: “That’s impossible, Bayern, Augsburg’s dating me!”Bayern: “Sure he does, that doesn’t stop him from-” (glances at Augsburg’s bracelet before shooting him a knowing look.) “-though.”Augsburg: (in a low, threatening voice) “Don’t bring my personal life into this.”Bayern: “Awww, fine, Mr. Privacy. Now, Fürth, didn’t you say it’s your turn?”Fürth: “Oh, yes!”

Fürth: “Hi, Anon! Name’s Emil Julius Erhardt, after two great players, Julius Hirsch and Ertl Erhardt!”Nürnberg: “Wait, where the fuck does the ‘Emil’ come from?”Fürth: “Made it up on the spot.”Nürnberg: (eyes widen) “Wow, I’m surprised you had the brain capacity for that.”Fürth: (laughs) “Ha, that’s funny, coming from someone who just copy-pasted her favorite player’s name!”Nürnberg: “I’m sorry?”Fürth: “You’re just mad I’m right, Max Morlock.”Nürnberg: “Hypocrite. I didn’t just choose my name for the heck of it, Fürz, it’s also to support the renaming of my home ground… but you don’t understand that kind of thing, do you?” (jeers)Fürth: “Nah, I just don’t care, Maxi!” (smirks and gives FCN finger guns)Nürnberg: (furious) “Did you just call me ‘Maxi’?!”

Bayern: (glances at the two Franconians) “Those two just can’t be in the same room for five minutes without fighting, can they?”Sechzig: “Who cares. Now since no one’s talking, I will! As you may have heard on TV or some shit, my name’s Leonie. Leonie Radenkovic, like Petar Radenkovic, my champion keeper. Happy, Anon? Oh, and he’s also better than Manuel Neuer, by the way. No arguments allowed.” (glares at the camera)Bayern: (furrows eyebrows) “Wasn’t your name Konietzka?”Sechzig: “Changed it. We all gotta be a club hero Russian roulette, Müller. Maybe except the Sauschwob right there.” (points at Augsburg)Augsburg: “It’s pronounced August Schwab, 59.”Sechzig: “Where’d you get that shit name? TSV Schwaben?”Augsburg: “Nowhere.” (turns to the camera) “I did name myself after a club legend, once. But an FCA fan called ‘Helmut Haller’ just raises unnecessary attention. He was so loved by us Augsburgers - even our Bunducksliga contestant was named after him. How about you, Kickers?”

Kickers: “Oh!” (smiles brightly at the camera) “Hello!” (waves) “I’m Bernd… if I could, I’d give me your last name, Augsie!”Nürnberg: “Awwww!”Sechzig, Fürth, and Ingolstadt: (pretends to puke dramatically)Augsburg: (blushes) “I’m serious, Kickers.”Kickers: (cups Augsburg’s cheeks) “Live a little, Schatzi!”Augsburg: (averts his gaze from Kickers’ piercing red-eyed glare)Kickers: (suppresses a sigh and looks back to the cam) “My name’s actually the same as my coach, Bernd Hollerbach! I wanted to show him I’m grateful for his coaching - thanks to him, we got to the 2. Bundesliga for the first time!”Fürth: (mutters) “Oh my god.” (turns to Ingolstadt) “Hey, Ingo! Say something before this gets cringier!”Ingolstadt: (yells) “Hi, Anon! You wanna know my full name?!”Fürth: “Holy shit, kid, not that loud!”Ingolstadt: “I’m not a kid! I’m thirteen, okay!”Fürth: “And I’m 114. Keep it down, kid. My old man eardrums are gonna break if you keep that up!”Ingolstadt: (sulks) “Fine! My name’s Ingo Apfelbeck! And that’s really stupid, my classmates just make fun of me-”

Someone: (slaps Ingolstadt)Someone else: (slaps the camera)

Sorry, we are experiencing technical difficulties. Please stand by!

{For notes about the namesakes, do check under the cut!}

The Franz Beckenbauer Story is 100% legit (though Bayern retold it in an extremely biased way), and the Sechzig player who clipped his ear was Gerhard König.

Gerd Müller (who shares his birthday with the mun) is, indeed, the all-time top scorer in Germany, and got the nickname Der Bomber from it. And like many other Bayern players, his achievements didn’t stop there.

Thomas Müller is Bayern’s golden boy and resident joker. He’s been playing for her since age 11, and went through many ups and downs, including the Finale Dahoam and the treble.

Philipp Lahm is also Bayern’s golden boy and captain to boot. Like Müller, he, too, went through all that, and won the World Cup in 2014. Oh, he also captains the national team.

Fürth’s everything

Sechzig (German only)

Nürnberg’s Max Morlock and the stadium renaming initiative (German only)

Helmut Haller, FCA legend and ill-fated Bunducksliga contestant

Bernd Hollerbach, FWK’s promotion hero

Ernst Apfelbeck from Ingolstadt. (All in German. And yes, this club has an official Tumblr.)

{With a few exceptions, every link is in English, but please remember that Bundesliga is a German league, and thus, the best resources are all in German. Thank you so much for reading this far! Have a great day!

[lokifiction]

Caught in the Crossfire

Category: Fanfic

Rating: T

Notes/Warnings: I actually don’t believe there’s anything that warrants a warning in this chapter, save for the fact that shit starts getting real. Be prepared.

First Chapter

Previous Chapter

Chapter Twelve

            “I’ve a question for all three of you,” I announced to the room, which was quietly bustling with routine activity.

            Loki had left nearly half an hour ago, and the moment he passed through the doors, the maids arrived for their nighttime duties. Toril followed in the king’s steps, busying herself with cleaning up the dinner and never returning, Gerd tidied the rooms and laid out my nightgown, and Inge was preparing for bed, turning down the covers and helping me out of my clothes.

            Additionally, Brenna was there to examine me, measuring the training session’s effect on my health. She and the two maids I held in good standing were present in my room as I struggled with a single thought, and I knew that if I didn’t ask them, I would have nobody else to help me.

            “Surely one of us will have the answer,” Brenna decided, not looking up from her task. “What is it?”

            “This sounds silly, but, what would be appropriate to wear for a tour of the palace led by the king?”

            Brenna’s hand dropped from taking my pulse as she gaped at me with an incredulous expression. “You’re doing such a thing?”

            “Yes. He invited me for one tomorrow.”

            “That’s surprising,” Brenna commented, dark eyebrows raising.

            “Why so?”

            “I didn’t think he trusted you enough with your power yet.”

            “I didn’t either,” I agreed. “Though I have been worried that it could be some sort of twisted training exercise, as in, ‘You must succeed or else you risk lives, exposure, and your own wellbeing.’”

            “Now that I might put past him, at least as he is now.”

            “I don’t think it’s that at all,” Gerd interjected, stepping over to us. “Toril told us about the invitation, and said it sounded like he was trying to court her.”

            “I don’t believe that was the case,” I quickly denied. “But maybe he truly does want me to learn the lay of the land.”

            “It’s only the wise thing to do.” Inge added, fluffing a pillow. “If you were to get lost and run into someone you weren’t supposed to, it could be disastrous.”

            “Exactly,” I conferred, though I was strangely disappointed at all the reasons they were presenting to me, as they left me feeling unexplainably empty. “But back to my original point. I’m not used to the style here, so I don’t have any idea what would be appropriate for such an outing.”

            “Something casual, of course,” Brenna insisted. “You’re not going to a grand ball. A simple walking dress will do, and not be so frivolous that you can’t move.”

            “But this is the king she’s going out with,” Inge reminded. “Her appearance has to be of the utmost presentability.”

            “He has seen me at very compromising times,” I added. “It’s not as if he’s under any illusion when it comes to my appearance.”

            “It’s just the principle of the thing,” Inge explained. “Besides, eyebrows will be raised more than they already are if they see you walking around the palace without looking proper.”

            “Are people being told I’m here, now?” I asked, the offhanded comment distracting me from my purpose yet again.

            “Yes, and they’re being fed some lie as to why, should they come across you,” Inge answered. “What that lie is, I don’t know.”

            “What about this?” Steering us back on subject, Gerd exited the wardrobe carrying a gown the in-between white and grey color of a winter’s sky. The skirt was layered and cinched at the waist, nicely complementing the v-cut neck. The long sleeves were a bell shape, and due to that I noticed that the inside of the dress was a deep purple, and the fastenings were pearls. The two other judges hummed in agreement.

            “What about you, Camryn?” Gerd inquired, angling towards me.

            “I love it. It’s gorgeous, though I do have another question.” I stepped forward to run my fingers through the surprisingly heavy fabric. “How did all of the gowns in my wardrobe get there?”

            “Asgard harbors many travelers, so it does keep a stock of gowns for nobles visiting the palace should some accident occur with the luggage, but they’re mainly kept around for…” Gerd trailed off.

            “Kept around for what?” I urged.

            “Hostages and prisoners of war,” Brenna finished bluntly. “When you started to regain your health, I dipped into those stores and had nearly everything in your size brought out for you.”

            “Well, that’s cheerful,” I muttered under my breath, though my comment was tinged with fear as I began to wonder if a prisoner of war was what I was being considered as.

            “If you’re here for long enough, the palace seamstresses might prepare you a custom wardrobe, if the king approved of it,” Brenna continued, as if sensing my discomfort.

            “That seems a trivial matter for the king to concern himself with,” I commented, half expecting the girls to tell me that Loki would be designing all my clothes for me.

            “The supplies for dressmaking cost money, and the king is in supreme charge of that, so it has to be cleared through him,” Gerd elaborated.

            “I see.”

            “Someone ought to go and take this to be pressed.” Inge, obviously tired and ready for her own bed, interrupted the conversation by stepping over and taking the gown from Gerd. “When do you need it by?”

            “Oh, dear.” I bit my lip. “He never told me a time.”

            “Would you like me to go and find out?” Inge offered, not allowing me a chance to refuse. “I’ll take this on my way.”

***

            The next morning, Gerd woke me up at eight o'clock quite gently, having learned from her last experience. My palace tour was not due to begin until eleven, but the girls insisted that I have plenty of time to eat and prepare for the outing and still have time to spare. The moment I rose, Gerd began to fuss over my hair as Inge delivered my newly laundered and pressed gown before going to assist Toril as she arrived with the breakfast tray and usual sour expression.

            With my hair gently curled but not styled, Gerd released me to eat my light breakfast, requested due to the knowledge that in my nerves I would not be able to stomach much. Afterward, Toril left to take the dishes to the kitchens and Gerd finished my hair whilst I did my face at my own insistence.

            Once that was completed, the girls fitted me into my gown and adorned me with a small necklace and subtle comb in my hair, dotting my body with an oil that smelt of roses and vanilla before finally declaring me ready. Reflecting on what had just happened, it seemed an odd amount of preparation for a man in front of whom I’d been in a murderous rage, distraught, maddened, and exhausted, in all sorts of unflattering an inappropriate dress, my hair a mess each time. Further analysis made me begin to feel embarrassed of the tunic and trousers I’d worn the day before, with my hair in a lazy braid, wondering if that was not the correct thing for me to have done.

            “Unfortunately, we must leave you now,” Gerd declared, pulling me from my stupor. “We would like to stay and wait with you, but there’s a staff meeting we have to attend.”

            “Oh.” I tried not to show my disappointment as they left, but called out for Inge just before she passed through the door.

            “Yes?” She inquired.

            “I just wondered how I should behave,” I replied, biting my lip.

            “Like yourself,” she answered simply. “But carefully. The king is already an easily roused person, and what with everything that’s happened and his mourning, he will be especially sensitive. If he’s upset, you may come to find out that you’re not the only one that loses control of powers when emotions run high.”

            “I don’t need to find that out,” I muttered under my breath as I was left alone. “I’ve seen it. And I definitely don’t want to ever witness it again.”

            At exactly eleven o'clock, a soft yet purposeful knock sounded on the door, though the metal it was forged from caused the sound to echo throughout the sitting room. My heart jumped into my throat as I swiftly rose from my chair to open it. When the corridor without was revealed, Loki stared down at me with a pleasant expression that turned down into one of concern as he noted my slightly stunned appearance.

            “What’s wrong?” He inquired, looking over my shoulder as if he could find the answer to my mood in the room behind me.

            “Nothing.” I shook my head to right myself. “No guard again?”

            Loki chuckled, gesturing for me to step into the corridor. “I intend for this day to be incredibly informal, so that would not have fit the mood very well. I’ve actually sent away the guards that are supposed to constantly attend me. I don’t want them hovering over our shoulders, and I’m confident that with our talents combined we could successfully ward off any threat until the nearest sentry arrived.”

            At those words, my earlier fears flooded my mind, and I gulped before opening my mouth to speak.

            “This outing isn’t just a disguise for a training session, is it? Some version of ‘You have to control yourself or else you’ll kill somebody’?”

            “Gods, no!” Loki exclaimed in reply. “I would never do that before you were ready and risk the lives of everybody in the vicinity. That method of learning was something I experienced as a child, and I will assure you, it did no good. Besides, the palace is nearly empty, so the chances of us encountering anyone are close to none.” He offered me his arm. “Shall we begin?”

            I stared at him for an uncomfortable amount of time before hesitantly reaching out and sliding my hand under his forearm, not allowing myself to relax fully. Though, even in the unnatural position I adopted as I attempted to not touch him any more than necessary, I noticed that though his arm was slender, the strength in it was apparent, hard muscles stretching under his skin and veins prominent beneath his tunic. I sucked in a breath to stop the flutter of my heart but only caught his scent, a mixture of winter and petrichor.

            “You must be lonely,” I commented, forcing myself to regain my senses. “I haven’t seen anyone around here but servants.”

            “That’s because there’s truly no one here but servants. The staff are the primary inhabitants of the palace at the moment. It’s quite strange; usually it’s bursting with life, nobles visiting for one festival or ball or event or the other, envoys from every corner of the universe trying to avoid numerous wars and rebellions, advisors overflowing the walls, wanting to tell us what to say to those envoys, servant’s children that are here with no purpose other than to run about…” He cleared his throat as if saddened by the memories. “Most of them left with the change of monarch, which is to be expected. However, since the switch was a sudden one, replacements were not lined up. The members of the High Council of Asgard change only with their death, though, so they’re here, but I hardly ever come across them except in scheduled meetings.” He smiled over at me. “That’s why I have you. I look forward to your training sessions as a break in the monotony.”

            “Well, I’m glad your teaching me does both of us some good.”

            “I’m certain it will. But besides that, I want to put in as much time as I can with you, seeing as the palace will likely return to its normal bustling state within the next moon. I want to make as much progress as we can before then.”

            “What are you going to tell people if they come across me and wonder who I am?” I asked, recalling what Inge had told me. “Surely they’ll be suspicious of a strange girl they’ve never heard of living in the palace and being regularly attended by the king.”

            “Yes, I had thought of that as well. I’ve decided that it’s best we say you're a visiting ambassador from another realm, Alfheim perhaps, come to observe and discuss what new advantages my traits as king would bring to the relationship between the two realms. I daresay you could pass for an elf, or as much as a human could.”

            “Forgive me, but wouldn't saying I'm from Jotunheim be a better cover in the case that I randomly start glowing blue again?”

            “How do you know of Jotunheim?” Loki stiffened, voice becoming pressed.

            “Remember that infinite knowledge thing?”

            He relaxed. “Ah, yes. I rather forgot about that.”

            “Honestly, I did, too. That power only comes out every so often. Certain things will trigger a bit of information I've never heard of before but somehow know, like deja vu or a scent triggering a memory.”

            “That’s something we’ll have to work on regulating,” Loki decided, leading me around a corner. “That’s possibly the most useful skill you have, and it would be ideal for you to have use of it at all times.”

            “I don’t know if that would be the best idea, either,” I countered, lifting my skirts as we descended a flight of stairs. I assumed he meant to start from the bottom of the palace and work his way up, which would be part of the reason why he hadn’t pointed anything out yet. “The last time I had all that knowledge at once, I basically had a mental breakdown and became the textbook definition of insane. That was the night I broke into your cell and tried to strangle you. It was all just too much. I wanted it to stop, and my demented brain thought that killing off the cause would achieve that.”

            “I had no idea that’s what was happening,” he commented, stopping at the foot of the stairs and turning to face me. “I just thought you were-”

            “Possessed by the Tesseract, which was out for revenge?” I finished. “Not quite. I wanted vengeance, to be sure, but I wasn’t planning to take any action on that fantasy until that night.”

            “Well, allow me to rectify myself. We’ll have to find a way for you to have that power whenever you call on it, without causing you hysteria.”

            I agreed with a giggle, but just when Loki was about to open a door and lead me inside to truly begin our tour, Toril came sprinting down the hall.

            “Your Majesty,” she panted, nearly frantic. “Someone’s been in your chambers; they’re completely ransacked.”

            Loki perked up at that, unwrapping his arm from mine and stepping towards the maid. “Do you know who it could have been? Did they take anything?”

“The guards saw no one, and I found your rooms a complete mess when I came in to clean them, not a state you would have ever left them in,” she replied. “As for stolen items, I don’t know your inventory well enough to say. You’d better come and observe the situation for yourself.”

            “I suppose I should.” His attention returned to me, expression apologetic. “I’m terribly sorry that this tour was ended before it even began.”

            “That’s alright,” I assured, though I was a bit irked that I had spent so much time worrying and preparing for five minutes of interaction.

            “No, it’s not,” Loki insisted. “Come to my chambers later tonight, and we can talk of a time to reschedule. Could you find your way back to your apartments unassisted?”

            “Yes, I- I think so,” I replied, watching dumbfounded as he quickly strode away before I could even fully finish speaking. Toril lagged until he had rounded a corner, waiting just long enough to flash me an ominous smirk before following.

 ***

            A few hours later, at a time approved by Gerd and Inge, I made my way down to Loki’s chambers, Inge escorting me upon my request. When asking her to accompany me, I told her that her purpose was to help me find my way, but, in reality, I needed her for moral support. When we arrived in the wing of the palace that housed the royal rooms, she nodded towards the entrance to Loki’s chambers and slid around the corner as I stepped up to it and knocked.

            The door was opened with startlingly great force and revealed Loki with a rage-ridden expression that did not soften as it usually did when he saw me. Instead, it hardened considerably, lip curling in contempt.

            “Did you find out who ransacked your chambers?” I inquired, hoping that was the source of his anger. “Did they take anything important?”

            “It was nobody. I left my balcony door open by mistake, and a hawk got in. Everything is accounted for, just a mess.” His voice was dangerously low and cold. “And you are required by law to make use of one of my proper titles when speaking to me. It’s also customary to kneel or bow, but it’s already too late for that.”

            “Oh.” In all our interactions, hostile or not, that rule had never implemented before. In fact, it had been openly opposed “Well, Your Majesty, I came here upon your request to agree on a time to reschedule our palace tour for.”

            “That most definitely will not be happening,” he spat with a scoff. I had no response other than to stutter and crumple my features in confusion.

            “I can’t believe how I’ve been deluding myself,” he continued. “You’re the same monster that stood by as my mother was killed. You might as well have delivered her death blow yourself. I hate with every fiber of my being that I must keep you here so that I don’t risk my own safety, because I’d rather never see your face again. I should have executed you when I had the chance. I should have drawn it out and made you suffer as much as you’ve made everyone on Asgard suffer. As much as my mother suffered.”

            Before the door slammed in my face, Toril peeked over from where she was tidying a disaster of a room, smirk growing into a malicious grin.

 Next Chapter

[yourfreedomgrace-blog]

Those “days”.

I’ve been having those the past two days. It makes a HUGE difference with anything doesn’t it-meaning if you don’t do something that has a positive reaction or when you avoid something to see if it makes a difference in your health. This past week was just that. 

Physically I got diagnosed with Gerd. It sucked the first couple days, but now one week into it I have to just embrace it and find my own rhythm of things.

God it kind of is like that with my relationship with you. Like Kalae mentioned today while praying, sometimes you just need something to remind you of who you are in christ, and what he has done for you. 

I’ve noticed God answer my prayers in ways I didn’t see coming but am grateful for. The past two days I’ve snapped at my sister, but that just shows how I lacked to have the word in me, even if it doesn’t pertain at all so much the situation or circumstance I’m going through-it still makes an impact to have Gods words in me-in y soul. For it to know that, I am filled with love, joy and peace.

I’ve been a horrible sister, BUT i am NOT defined by what had happened. As a christian I need to allow myself to be real and to allow myself not to stay where I am-to go deeper and to process things. I’m sorry because I am not deserving all you are giving but I accept your love and your freedom and I hope people around me including my sister open their hearts as well. 

I feel you and your presence, and that right there is all I need to live for-for you! And not needing to feel appreciated by anyone but you-humanly I am going to be but to not expect so much from man. Thank you for showing this to me.