#my sister and I roadtripped to get me there but we got snowed in at flagstaff and couldn’t go to the canyon

[yourtipsygrandma]

I saw the Northern Lights and I’m having an extreme emotional reaction excuse me

[waitingforwinterwinds]

ASOS; Steel and Snow: 24 BRAN II (pages 331-343)

Bran's northern roadtrip team walks and walks and walks, shares a cave with a kindly stranger to get out of the rain, and Meera retells the story of how their dads met.

The Reader has a brain fail and experiences an entirely new level of Crack.

-

Bran made a face at her. "But you just said you hated them." "Why can't it be both?" Meera reached up to pinch his nose. "Because they're different," he insisted. "Like night and day, or ice and fire." "If ice can burn," said Jojen in his solemn voice, "then love and hate can mate. Mountain or marsh, it makes no matter. The land is one." "One," his sister agreed, "but over wrinkled."

Meera understands how tectonics > mountains.

Oh my gosh they sound tired-drunk. You know, when you go hiking and or on long roadtrips, or you just stay up all night for sleep overs, and you hit that point where you're just so tired you might as well be drunk? yeah, that.

"-or ice and fire." "If ice can burn," oh hey sentences that sound strangely like foreshadowing.

Some days it rained, some days were windy, and once they were caught in a sleet storm so fierce that even Hodor bellowed in dismay. On the clear days, it often seemed as if they were the only living things in all the world.

The north is Australia confirmed. There were mentions in the early GoT chapters, the north is as big as the other six kingdoms combined, but with a much smaller populace. All the talk of isolation, but it's never really enough to prepare the mind for the sheer emptiness of it all.

You go on a roadtrip here, and five minutes out of a city you might not see another car for hours, between the cities and the blink-and-miss-it-towns and the farmlands it's just. The apocalypse could have happened and you wouldn't know the difference.

His father's mother's mother had been a Flint of the mountains. Old Nan once said that it was her blood in him that made Bran such a fool for climbing before his fall. She had died years and years and years before he was born, though, even before his father had been born.

I misread that, and skipped the doubling at 'mother's mother' so I thought she was Bran's grandmother for a second and... "Ned's mother died before he was born? that's a feat. ...!!! the Prophecy!!!!"

(The prophecy in this train of thought was the fun old "no man born of woman" that gets easily circumvented by C-sections and gender shenanigans and such.)

"Some nights I dream of me mother that I buried nine years past," the man said, "but when I wake, she's not come back to us." "There are dreams and dreams, my lord." "Hodor," said Hodor.

... why in the hells did I read that Hodor narration in the voice of the guy who narrated Noddy? ...omg. OMG!!! An audio book, with the full voice cast, not just one person reading the book, but a full audio drama BUT all the narration is read by someone who thinks they're narrating for a kids show. the tonal whiplash alone could kill a man. Oh no. Oh no. I can hear it in my head. 😂🤣 the crack is over nine-thousand. it's so beautiful.

...

...

...

okay, I think I'm okay now. Sorry for that.

"You could tell one," said Bran. "While we walked. Hodor likes stories about knights. I do, too." "There are no knights in the Neck," said Jojen. "Above the water," his sister corrected. "The bogs are full of dead ones, thought."

Ha. hmmm... I think I might be in a bit of a tired-drunk silly state myself actually. (it was still funny though.)

"- Sometimes Old Nan would tell the same story she'd told before, but we never minded if it was good story. Old stories are like old friends, she used to say. You have to visit them from time to time."

That's a good philosophy.

...that's also what I'm kinda doing now, revisiting the ASOIAF universe, but from a new angle. It's good to reread stuff, I think, even if it's from the same source and not book versus show, because knowing where it ends can change the context of the journey.

and you get to play 'spot the foreshadowing.'

"Did he have green dreams like Jojen?" "No, (...) but he could breath mud and run on leaves, and change earth to water and water to earth with no more than a whispered word.He could talk to trees and weave words and make castles appear and disappear."

Holy crap! there's a Hidden Ninja Village in the Neck!!!

"- But then he heard a roar. 'That's my father you're kicking,' howled the she-wolf." "A wolf on four legs, or two?" "Two," said Meera. "The she-wolf laid into the squires with a tourney sword, scattering them all. The crannogman was bruised and bloodied, so she took him back to her lair to clean his cuts and bind them up with linen. There he met her pack brothers: the wild wolf who led them, the quiet wolf beside him, and the pup who was the youngest of the four."

Ahhh, so this is the story of how Meera's dad met Lyanna and Ned?

Also I love how they just had to clarify "two legs or four" but it was done so quickly like that's a common enough thing to need clarification.

"-The crannogman saw a maid with laughing purple eyes dance with a white sword, a red snake, and the lord of griffins, and lastly with the quiet wolf... -"

Ashara Dayne!?

Honestly this entire section feels like the kind of repeating variations of a theme vibes that mark visions. Li eyes this is a retelling of their dads meeting, but it could also be a reflection of things to come.

"That was a good story. But it should have been the three nights who hurt him, not their squires. Then the little crannogman could have killed them all. The part about the ransom was stupid. And the mystery knight should win the tourney, defeating every challenger, and name the wolf maid queen of love and beauty."

Bran. No. That's not the object lesson you were supposed to take away from this.

The object lesson is that your aunt is a baddass. (I'm aware of the theory that Lyanna is the knight of the Laughing Tree. Although depending on how old Benjen was, could have been him also. with his little 'pup' height.)

To be fair, it hasn't clicked for Bran that this is a real event and not just a story Meera's heard or made up, and in stories we want maximum catharsis, but irl, ransoming the horses and armour for the knights to publicly chastise their squires for wrong doing was a master stroke, because it gets the job done in a way that's basically a win for everyone but the squires.

... Jojen and Meera can't believe Ned never told his kids how he met Howland Reed. SMH Ned.

-

while thinking of an oversimplified summary of the chapter and my brain suggested: 🎶Hodor will walk five hundred miles🎶 🎶and Hodor will walk five hundred more🎶 🎶just to be the man who walked a thousand miles🎶 🎶to Hold The goddamned DooOOoor🎶 which was honestly pretty rude of it.

[fleurcareil]

Alberta: Hinton & Edmonton

After driving down the Rockies towards Edmonton, the landscape changed to rolling green fields interspersed with woods, much greener than the yellow hues further south around Calgary, presumably because of more rain/snow (which I luckily didn't get ☺).

After checking in at the camp cabin in Hinton, I grabbed some salads-to-go at the grocery store and headed to the town's Beaver Boardwalk which has an extensive network of boardwalks around a 20-year old beaver colony. This is a prime example of why I love boardwalks so much; they're easy to use without having to worry about getting your feet wet or muddy, and the effort that the builders put in to show their guests why they should care about the "presented" nature, implies that it's worth paying attention!

Here, after seeing the beaver lodge (of which I've seen plenty before), I was shocked to actually watch a large beaver emerge from it, swim around a bit and then go back under! 🤩 A woman mentioned that there's also two young beavers and indeed a bit later, one came out and swam right under the floating dock where I was!! ❤😍 For the next hour, I sat eating my dinner and watching the little one eating his own reed snack, whilst the brother/sister would swim lapses (we only saw it go in one direction and never back so presumably it made a loop out of sight). Really very cool & perfect way to spend the evening!

In the morning, I was really happy to be in the cabin because although it was the same cold outside,1q it was toasty inside which made it hard to get up. 😁 I did have a good reason to get going though, as I wanted to get in time to Edmonton to visit the Art Gallery of Alberta, which is (or at least at the moment) differently than the one in Ontario entirely dedicated to modern art. The road to Edmonton was nothing special but oh so empty! 🤩 I'm already dreading my return to the GTA mayhem...

The building is impressively designed with metal shapes weaved in & out of the glass facade... artsy indeed! 🤩

The top floor was dedicated to a video exhibit about dance, and although I didn't film it, I rrally liked a Brazilian installation called "Swinguerra" showing dance groups rehearsing a multitude of war-inspired dances... when I finished the rest of the exhibits,  I went back to watch again 😍.

The 2nd exhibit was a private collection of PopArt, with works of Andy Warhol (top picture left), Roy Lichtenstein ("Cow Going Abstract" top pic bottom right), and a huge collection of Banksy originals (2nd pic) to others (Tom Wesselmann, top pic top right) I hadn't heard of... I LOVE popart and have spent many many hours in galleries whenever there's an exhibit... 5 hours in Ottawa once 😂, the Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh ofcourse and even a few hours in a random Peru gallery... not sure what about it is that attracts me, a combo of the bold colours, the abstract, the exaggeration, the playfulness?? I had Keith Haring posters growing up and have 2 Warhol ones at home (now in storage) 😍. There were also a series of videos from Banksy that made social commentary about Xmas, Disneyworld and showed how a $1M auctioned painting got shredded moments after purchase! 😝

The final exhibit was also really interesting; embroiderery interlaced with LED lights, such as the left one below named "Selfie Girls", something that I had been shocked at in Banff to see how many young girls would spend ages on taking the perfect picture (& getting upset if their hair/ face/boobs/ass was not showing up exactly as they wanted it to be)... I've also been taking a lot of selfies on this roadtrip but I think you'll agree that most are not necessarily very flattering 🤣 and are just meant to show I'm still alive & having fun!

There were also a few embroideries such as the one on the right where you were invited to send a text... see the response I got! 🌈🤩 (found out later that the texts had been sent by the receptionist downstairs, she must be happy it wasn't very busy!).

My airbnb for the two nights in the city was a room in an older but renovated house of a wood furniture refurbishment couple who were very friendly, so I sat for a few hours in the garden chatting with them and got a great Mexican restaurant tip.

Next day, I had a completely different art experience at the ᐄᓃᐤ (ÎNÎW) River Lot 11∞ Indigenous Art Park on the south river bank, located where a Métis farm used to be as one of the first settlers in the area. It's probably not the best place to be in the evening but in the middle of the day it had a great view of the city and no one to bother me 😀.

Each artwork was described in 4 different languages; top left is Cree as the artwork represents the word "fire"in that language, and I assume the top right is in Michif (the Métis language) as I recognize some French words but have no clue in what language the bottom left text is....

The two turtles had colourful mosaics on them of birds, feathers and a beaver but what stood out to me most was the description of the amphitheatre in the picture below... the highest seat at the top references to the past, which is farthest from our reach when you're at the base, but it provides the greatest vision and perspective. When you sit in a lower seat, you are closer to the future but not able to see so far in the distance... so true! My favourite course in high school was history, where the teacher was amazingly good at linking events from the past to the current state of affairs. Listening to my playlist while driving, there's quite a few '70s-80s songs about the nuclear bomb threat during the Cold War (e.g. "Russians" by Sting & several Dutch ones) and it's saddening to have history being repeated... 😔

After those sobering thoughts, it was time for some consumerism 😉, so I paid a visit to the West Edmonton Mall which is truly gigantic with an indoor wave pool (which at $64pp is a bit outrageous), zip line, pirate ship, sea lion show, mini golf etc. I browsed the Lego store which touts true Canadian themes like a forest fire and a bear chasing a hiker 😜) and found a cute wildflower bouquet which I'll buy once I'm in Chile!

When I no longer could handle the crowds, I escaped just west of the city to the BLESS viewing platform of Big Lake and nearby wetlands. Sitting there for 2 hours with only ducks quaking and cooling themselves in the lake (it had returned to a balmy 30C, much better than the cold mountain weather a few days earlier) was the perfect antidote! Seeing another beaver swimming and eating reeds was the cherry on the cake 😍.

Wildlife: 3 beavers (Hinton) & 1 beaver (Edmonton)

SUPs: none

Hikes: one at Hinton

[katya-goncharov]

My Ultimate List of Dreamhunter Fics

These are some of my favourite Claire/Kaia stories I've read so far! I absolutely loved all of these, and some of them are really underrated, so go and check them out!

what's missing is found (our souls can exhale now) by sobsicles (27K words) - A finale fix-it where Claire goes missing and Kaia and Dean go on a road-trip together to find her. I love Kaia's characterisation in this, and it explores the parallels between Dreamhunter and Destiel really well.

graceful. by PorcelainCas (56K words) - set around early season 14. Claire wakes up in hospital to find that months have passed without her memory and Kaia is mysteriously still alive. This one's got a really good plot, with lots of exciting twists and turns!

The Pieces We Pick Up by sobsicles (10K words) - A 14.03 coda and fix-it. Claire runs off to confront Dark Kaia, and Dean, Cas and the rest of them have to find her. Like every sobsicles fic, this one is brilliant and well worth reading!

Moondust by sidesketches (AngelwingsandDemonthings) (4K words) - Reunion fic from Kaia's POV. This one was an absolute joy to read - really touching and well-written!

buzzcut season by cherryvamp (1.5K words) - Claire helps Kaia cut her hair for her after a hunt. I absolutely love the way Claire and Kaia are portrayed in this, it's definitely one of my favourites!

Look Into My Dreams by angelofthequeers (3.5K words) - Kaia comforts Claire after a nightmare and the two of them bond under the stars. This is one of my absolute favourites - it has such a good understanding of Claire & Kaia's characters!

I'll Be Home For Christmas by MittenWraith (3.5K words) - a Christmas story! Claire & Kaia get stranded in the snow on a hunt, and have to stay at the bunker over Christmas. This is a really wholesome, feel-good story!

Denim by xoxoMouse (2K words) - "The inherent protection of a denim jacket and the inherent vulnerability that comes with sharing it." - another one I absolutely loved, it's got a really good grasp on Claire's backstory & feelings, and is really sweet at the same time!

Words of the Heart by Fandom_Stuff (2K words) - Claire comes out to Cas. This is just a really sweet and touching little fic!

On Being Careful by Shyspyder (7K words) - Claire and Kaia coffee-shop AU!

Accidentally Finding You by pherryt (3K words) - AU where Kaia is an author being treated badly at a book-signing where Claire's dad works. Claire helps her to get her own back!

Wayward by Shyspyder (ongoing; 10k words so far) - Claire and Kaia are reunited after Kaia's return from the Bad Place and go hunting werewolves together.

Wayward AF by FunnyWings (57K words) - a series of episodic Wayward Sisters stories. This is the Wayward Sisters series we all wish we'd had - there's loads of really good plotty Claire/Kaia stuff, and also some great storylines for the other sisters (plus Wendy!). Well worth reading if you're still mourning the actual show never happening!

Had to Go Away to Find Home by 5pm, hazelNuts (8.5k words) - "A canon-divergent AU where Claire is the one who meets Kaia and introduces her to the bigger supernatural world."

No Better Thing by theirprofoundbond (6k words) - Claire and Kaia go away to a cabin for the weekend together. This is just such a sweet story, which really goes into the bond Claire and Kaia have with each other.

meteor site (our hearts collision) by sobsicles (3k words) - yet another sobsicles fic, this one focused solely on Claire and Kaia, set after Kaia's return from the bad place. This one is beautifully written, and an absolute must-read for any dreamhunter fan.

I'd Do Anything For Love by BleedingInk (14.5k words) - Claire and Kaia are forced to confront their feelings for each other after Alex and Patience are hit by a love potion. Just as a warning, this one's set post-canon and IS finale compliant, but it's a really fun read anyway and the Claire/Kaia content is perfection!

The Setup To A Bad Joke by Ophelia_Yvette (4k words) - Galaxy Brain au where Claire steals the impala to save Kaia. This one has everything we deserved but didn't get in the actual episode

my favorite tape by showedupatyourparty (ongoing; 1k words so far) - Claire and Kaia, through the years. This one's short so far but it's so well-written and I can already tell it's going to be a classic

Bonus (shameless self-promotion): I feel bad about advertising my own stuff, but I am currently working on Butterfly Effect (Ongoing; 53.5K words so far), a dream-hunter centric finale fix-it where it's up to Kaia and Claire to save Dean and Cas from their horrible canonical endings!

Further bonus: these aren't dreamhunter as they're mostly Claire-focused, but they're so good that they deserve to be on the list!

The Most Important Thing by NorthernSparrow (94K words)- Set during an alternate season 10; goes into the complex relationship between Claire and Castiel so well. No Kaia in this one obviously, but it's the ultimate Claire fic for me and an absolute must-read if you're a fan of her!

hope, love, glory by showedupatyourparty (14K words) - finale fix-it where Claire and Jack team up to save Dean and Cas. I have yet to read the last chapter, but I am loving this so far!

all kinds of weather (we stick together) by deanspurpleflannel (20k words) - Claire and Emma go on a roadtrip to find Dean and Cas. The ultimate roadtrip fic - this is such a genuinely enjoyable one to read and just the right balance between fun and emotional

Sorry the list isn't that long - Claire/Kaia fics are quite difficult to find (mostly because of AO3's weird tagging system!). There are definitely a lot more out there though, so if anyone knows of any other good ones, let me know! I'll update the list as I read more (so if you're liking/reblogging make sure it's the latest version!).

[fandom-imagines-stories]

Simple Man

Dean Winchester x Reader

Words: 3351

Summary: It was never what he thought he would have. But now Dean doesn’t want to let go. 

Notes: I was going to wait and make this a Thanksgiving special, but I thought today would be more fitting. I can’t believe Supernatural ends tonight! This show has been a part of my life for a while now and it will forever stay in my heart.  I had a really really good time writing this one. It might be one of my favorites I’ve written for Dean, if not my top pick. I hope you guys enjoy it and look forward to seeing more. Carry on. 

Want more Supernatural? Find it HERE

(P.S. thank you to my beta reader @suckmysupernatural​. Love you!)

-

Oh, take your time, don’t live to fast

Troubles will come and they will pass 

He had slept through an alarm he didn’t remember setting. It wasn’t until he heard the creaking of the door that he stirred, reaching under his pillow for his knife. But it wasn’t there. Dean panicked as footsteps crept towards him. They were nothing more than a small pitter-patter on the wood floor, but he still prepared himself for the attack. The small creature leapt on top of him and he rolled over so he was pinning it beneath him. It giggled. It giggled?

“Daddy, Mom said she needs you in the kitchen.” 

Dean leaned over to the night stand and turned on the lamp. A little green eyed girl squirmed out from underneath him and skipped out of the room. 

“The hell…” Dean muttered. He opened the dresser and sure enough, his clothes sat in the drawers. He put on a T-shirt and slowly walked out of the room. The smell of bacon and coffee coaxed him to the kitchen. He couldn’t believe what he saw. 

You were standing over the stove, trying to save the bacon from burning. Dean was just frozen in the doorway. Finally spotting him, you made your way over to him, which was difficult with the little boy clinging to your leg. 

“Thank God you’re up. I need you to finish making breakfast.” You lifted the boy into your arms. “Eric’s got a fever and Ellie is going to wake up any second needing to be fed.” You gently laid a hand on Eric’s forehead. “I’ll call the doctor as soon as I get him to lay down. But you know how impossible that is.” 

“But I’m not tired.” Eric whined. 

“I know, sweetie, but you don’t want to get sicker, do you?” He pouted his lip and shook his head. “Alright, so I need you to go back to bed.” You looked back at Dean. “Can you just finish the bacon? I’ll be back to make their toast.” 

Before Dean could speak, you rushed up the stairs. As if on queue, a baby started to cry from somewhere upstairs. Dean just stood in shock. What the hell was going on?

As if by second nature, he walked around the kitchen, grabbing a paper towel to let the bacon drain off the grease. It felt almost natural. He somehow knew where everything was, even though he had never been here. Or had he? His brain was fuzzy with thoughts he couldn't remember. He saw images flash in his mind. Sam graduating from Stanford. His parents celebrating their 30th wedding anniversary. You… in a wedding dress. 

“Johanna Charlotte Winchester you better be ready for school or your dad’s going to come and get you!” You yelled, coming back into the kitchen, this time a wailing baby in your arms. It wasn’t until now that Dean noticed you were wearing a sheriff’s uniform. You snatched up a piece of bacon and popped it in your mouth. “Thank you.”

You bounced the baby in your arms, trying to calm her down, but she wasn’t having it. The green eyed little girl from early came bounding into the room with her backpack over one shoulder. Ellie continued to bawl. 

“Can you hold her? She always stops crying when you hold her.” You handed the squirming child to him and he tried not to panic. You noticed your husband’s awkwardness. “Rough morning?” You snickered. “Here, I’ll make you some coffee.” 

As the child in his arms slowly stopped her crying, more memories flooded Dean’s head. You telling him you were pregnant for the first time. Going to the emergency room for the birth of his son. Watching Johanna hold her new baby sister. They all felt like dreams, but then how was this all real? 

“I’m feeling a little... off this morning.” He admitted, watching you carefully as if he were waiting for horns to sprout from your forehead. Your face fell. 

“Oh god, please don’t tell me you’re sick too.” You put your hand on his forehead. “You’re picking everyone up from the airport today.” 

“Everyone?” Dean’s brows furrowed curiously. 

“I would go get them, but I’m at the station until five.” You sighed, moving your hand down to caress his cheek. “Besides, you’ve been dying to see your brother since the Fourth of July.” 

“Uncle Sam!” Jo exclaimed excitedly. 

“Sammy’s coming?” Dean asked. Finally, something familiar. Your face contorted with confusion. 

“Of course he’s coming. Jessica and the kids are too. They always help prepare for tomorrow and since your parents will still be out on their cruise, we’ll need all the help we can get.” 

“Tomorrow...” He spotted the calendar on the wall, but you answered first. 

“Thanksgiving.” You stated. Your confusion changed to concern. “Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to stay home?” Jo raised her hand. 

“Can I stay home too?” 

“Sweetheart, it’s just one more half-day of school before break and then you’ll get to play with your cousins for the rest of the week.” Seeing you start to get stressed, Dean put a hand on your shoulder. 

“You go to work. I’m fine.” He assured you. “I’ll hold down the fort and I’ll pick up Sam at- what time again?”

“3:00.” You pressed a kiss to his cheek and smiled. “I know you worked extra last week so you could have the garage closed for Thanksgiving, but I think the fumes might have gone to your head.” You grabbed the keys off the counter. “Oh, and I’ll be taking Baby to work since you’ll need the van to fit everyone.” His look of displeasure made you laugh. “I know, I know, but you’ll have to suck it up for today unless you think the four-year-old can babysit.” 

You kiss Ellie on the forehead before giving Dean a quick, but passionate kiss on the lips. You held out your hand for your daughter to take. 

“Alright, partner, let’s go.” 

The two of you leave and Dean looks down at the baby in his arms. Was this really happening? 

-

Boy don’t you worry, you’ll find yourself

Follow your heart and nothing else

If he was trapped by a djinn, he would have remembered fighting it. This was something else. The more time he spent in the house, the more this world felt real and his hunting life felt like dreams. Maybe… maybe this was real. 

He remembered everything now. He had met you in a bar on New Years Eve. You hit it off talking about cars and classic rock. He proposed about two years later outside that same bar during the first snow of the season. You always said the first snow was the best one. You got married and a couple months later found out you were pregnant with Jo. Johanna Charlotte Winchester was born on April 3, 2007. She was seven. Three years later, Eric Samuel was born on November 29th. He was four. Lastly, Ellen Sandra was born six months ago tomorrow on May 27, 2014. 

Sammy had a family of his own. He married Jessica right out of law school and the two had two boys; Josh, 8, and Michael, 6. Their families stayed close, even though Sam was in California and Dean in Kansas. They were happy. 

If this wasn’t real, how could he remember all that? 

3:00 rolled around and Eric’s fever had gone down. He called you to make sure it would be okay to take him along to the airport. You told him that as long as he was feeling okay, it should be fine. The doctor said it sounded like the heat in his room was too high. Dean buckled Eric into his carseat and Ellie in her carrier. While Johanna almost looked like a mini-girl version of him, Eric looked like you. His eyes were yours, along with his hair color and his nose. Ellie looked like a fair mix of both. 

Jessica was the first one to greet him since Sam was busy carrying the boys’ bags. He hugged her tight and couldn’t stop beaming. 

“It’s so good to see you guys.” He smiled and she gave him a sunny grin in return. 

“I know Sam’s been eager to see you and the family for a long time. Of course, I’m only here for the food.” She teased and he pulled her into another hug. 

“I can’t believe this.” Dean sighed happily. Sam and Jessica. Him and you. One big happy family. 

“Do I get a hug, or are just going to hog my wife?” Sam snarked, setting down the bags as Dean nearly tackled him. Sam laughed, struggling to breathe in his brother’s crushing hug. “I missed you too, Dean.” 

“Uncle Sam!” Eric cheered, clinging to Sam’s leg. 

“Hey buddy.” Sam smiled, lifting his nephew into his arms. Jessica peaked into the baby carrier Dean had set on the bench. 

“Look at how big she’s gotten.” She awed. Ellie was asleep, so she spoke quietly. Jess frowned, finally noticing the two brown haired boys fighting over one of their comics. “Josh, stop pushing your brother.” She scolded. 

“He took my comic!” The older of the two retorted. Jessica just gave him a stern look and he surrendered. 

“Michael, give it back when you’re done reading.” Sam ruffled his youngest son’s hair. Dean knelt down. 

“So are you two tough guys too cool to give your uncle a hug, or what?” He pulled his nephews into a warm embrace. “Are you both taller? You’re taller than the last time I saw you.” Dean pat Josh on the back. “You’re gonna be taller than your dad before you know it.” 

“You know, you’d see them more if you flew out to California.” Jessica noted. Dean’s eyes widened. She laughed. “I know, I know, you have a thing about flying.” 

“I want to go to California!” Eric exclaimed.

“One of these days, we can go on a roadtrip in Baby to Uncle Sam and Aunt Jessica’s, how does that sound?” Dean promised. Eric nodded, excitedly wriggling in Sam’s arms. 

Everyone loaded up into the van, Sam sliding into the passenger seat. Dean had to laugh. This was just so crazy. Here they were, driving in a van packed full of children. Their children. He thought of all of the times Sam sat beside him in the impala, the two weary from a hunt. It felt like a different lifetime. Like a different world. It felt less real. 

-

You’ll find a woman and you’ll find love

And don’t forget son, there is someone up above

Four children ran around the backyard, jumping in leaf piles and chasing each other with sticks. Jo seemed to rule the yard, keeping her older cousin at bay with her stubborn persistence. Dean smiled proudly. 

“She’s quite the pistol.” Jessica noted with a laugh, jutting her head towards Johanna. She was sitting beside you, bouncing her baby niece in her arms. 

“I wonder where she gets that from.” You gave your husband a smirk. He wrapped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you closer, pressing a kiss to your temple. 

“I love you so much.” He whispered. The tone in his voice made you glance up at him. He was watching you with intensity in his eyes. So much love and yet… there was pain there. 

“I love you too.” You laced your fingers with his, your concern evident in your voice. “Dean, are you okay? You’ve been acting a little weird all day.” You spoke quietly so you wouldn’t worry your brother-in-law. Your husband gave your hand a gentle squeeze. 

“I’m fine, really. I’m just…”  Dean felt an overwhelming wave of emotion and choked back tears. “Really happy.” He lifted your chin up, bringing your lips to his. Everything was perfect, right down to the way your lips fit perfectly against his. He knew, without a doubt, that this was real. 

Soon it was time to put the kids to bed. Sam’s boys slept on the pull-out couch in the basement. Eric was exhausted from a day of excitement, as well as his baby sister. Dean was charged with the task of putting a rambunctious Johanna to bed. 

“I want to stay up and drink beer like a big kid.” She pouted, making the adults in the room chuckle. Dean crouched down and picked her up. 

“Alright, here’s the deal. I promise that when you’re a big kid like me and your mom, then you can stay up and have a drink with us. But until then, you’re gonna be my little deputy right?” He tapped the golden plastic badge that she never took off. Jo grinned from ear to ear and nodded. Humming a Bob Segar tune, he took her upstairs to her room and tucked her into bed. 

When he came back down stairs, his brother and the two women were smirking at him. 

“What?” You and Jessica exchanged a look and burst out laughing. “Come on, what?”

“That girl has you wrapped around her finger, Dean.” Jessica snickered. You took a sip of your beer. 

“Oh, he’s like that with Ellie, too. He dotes on them like you wouldn’t believe. One little pout from Johanna and he melts.” You couldn’t help but beam at your husband. You loved the way he was with the kids. 

“I got her in bed, didn’t I?” Dean huffed, taking his seat beside you and resting a hand on your knee. Sam shook his head. 

“It’s all in the looks, brother. You may think you’ve one this round, but I saw the look in Jo’s eyes.” Sam gave his brother a sure nod. “She knows where she stands.” 

“At least I’ve got Eric,” You sighed teasingly. “He’s a mama's boy, through and through.” 

You curled up beside Dean, comfortable in his warmth. He kissed the top of your head.

The hours passed with plenty of laughter and love. Soon, it was getting close to 11:00 and you wanted to get plenty of rest for the busy day tomorrow. Everyone would be helping prepare the massive Thanksgiving meal that the Winchesters made every year. Sam and Jessica said goodnight and headed to the guest room while you and Dean made your way upstairs. 

You reached your rooms and Dean’s hands found your waist, his lips trailing up your shoulder to your neck. You leaned back into his embrace, bringing your hand up to tangle your fingers in his golden-brown hair. His hands started to wander and you sighed mournfully. 

“Baby, we both have to be up in the morning.” You groaned, breaking away from him. When you turned around, he was pouting, his green eyes big and sad. So that’s where Johanna got it. He was just so impossible to resist, but if you didn’t go to bed now, you’d be exhausted before dinner even started. You draped your arms around his neck. “I’ll tell you what; how about we get a good night’s sleep tonight…” you pulled him close and whispered into his ear, “and I’ll give you something to be really thankful for tomorrow.” 

Dean’s eyes widened and his smirk spread into a smile. 

“Mrs. Winchester, we have a deal.” He loved the way that sounded coming from his lips. Mrs. Winchester. 

You gave him a long and passionate goodnight kiss before changing into your pajamas and climbing into bed. 

It must have been around 12:30 when the baby started crying. The baby monitor was on your nightstand, so you were awakened by the sound first. Dean moved to get up, but you stopped him. 

“I’ll get her.” You sleepily shuffled out of the bedroom. Reaching the hall, you muttered something that your half-asleep husband only half comprehended. Something about the electricity acting up again. 

The crying continued and you didn’t return. Dean yawned, rubbing the tiredness from his eyes and got out of bed. He slowly made his way down the hallway to the nursery. The door was ajar and the lamp had been turned on. You must have gone downstairs to get her a bottle. 

Dean picked up his crying daughter, rocking her soothingly in his arms. She wailed and wailed until she heard his voice. 

“Alright, sweetheart. It’s alright. Daddy’s got you.” He hushed. After a moment of rocking and soft whispers, Ellie started to settle down. As soon as her cries reduced to the occasional sniff, Dean set her back in her cradle. “That’s it. You’re going to be just fine. I’m not gonna let anything hurt you.” 

Smiling down at his beautiful baby girl, Dean felt something on the back of his neck. When he touched it, his hand came away red. He froze, and as if his body went into auto pilot, he turned around. At first he couldn’t scream. He just stared. 

Your mouth gaped at him, your eyes filled with terror and pain as the blood spread out from your stomach. Ellie started to cry again. 

“No!” Dean screamed. That’s when the fire started. 

And that’s when he woke up.

-

And be a simple kind of man

Oh, be something you love and understand

Dean sat straight up, sweat soaking through his t-shirt, his scream still on his lips. The cool air of the bunker made him shiver. He couldn’t breathe. He heaved and coughed as if the smoke really filled his lungs. A sudden hand on his shoulder made him jump out of the bed and flatten himself against the wall, holding out his fists to fight. 

“Dean?” You rose slowly, walking towards him cautiously. “It’s okay. It was just a dream. You’re okay.” 

He just stared at you, taking in every feature. You watched his eyes fill with tears and his chin tremble as he tried to speak. Nothing came out, just a strangled sounding cry. Dean fell to his knees and you rushed to hold him. Whatever it was, it wasn’t just a nightmare. 

Dean wrapped his arms around your middle and leaned his head against your stomach as you soothingly ran your fingers through his hair. He didn’t make any sound as he cried, but the tears fell endlessly down his face. He was shaking in your arms. 

“Dean, honey, what’s wrong? You’re scaring me.” You whispered. This wasn’t the first time that he’d woken suddenly from a dream, but it had never been like this. 

You told him that you were pregnant today. He seemed happy. Shocked, but happy. But now? Whatever was going through his head was breaking him. You sunk down in front of him so you could hold him fully, letting him cry into your shoulder. 

“I’m sorry.” He finally choked out. “I’m sorry that this is all I can give you. I’m sorry that we don’t have a big house full of kids. That Sam has lost any chance at happiness. That we can never have a normal life.” You pushed back. 

“Baby, what are you talking about?” 

“I’m sorry that this baby is going to grow up haunted and broken… just like me.” His voice cracked. You put a hand on his cheek. 

“Dean…” You pressed your forehead against his, feeling your own tears start to fall. “This baby is going to be loved and wanted and cherished, just like you.” You kissed him gently, reminding him of your adoration of this hero of a man. 

Dean held you closer, letting your words sink into his heart. He wanted to believe it. He wanted more than anything to believe it. Even in his beautiful dream, you ended up burned and bloody. Even in his dream, he was broken. 

But that didn’t mean he wouldn’t try. He would try like hell to give you a life as close to perfect as he could manage. Maybe that meant hunting together until you went down guns blazing. Maybe that meant settling down, someday, somewhere. He would try. 

Baby be a simple kind of man

Oh, won’t you do this for me, son, if you can

-

General Tag: @rae-gar-targaryen; @takemepedropascal; @childhood-imagination;  @mylovegoesto; @yellowbadgergirl; @itmejado; @suckmyapplejacks​ Supernatural: @desimarie12; @deandreamernp; @vicmc624; @halesandy; @livshaes; @d-whinchestergirl87; @mrspeacem1nusone

[ladyherenya]

Books read in September

I had a moment of intense self-centredness and, internally, wailed: Why isn’t the world filled with more books that appeal exactly to me??? 

I’ve concluded that it’s like I have an inner story-troll sitting inside me shouting: Tell me a story! I try to appease it by presenting it with books, one at a time, and seeing how it reacts. 

Favourite cover: Flyaway.

Reread: The Shadowy Horses by Susanna Kearsley. (I also reread From All False Doctrine at least twice.)

Also read: The Disastrous Début of Agatha Tremain by Stephanie Burgis and Snow Day by Andrea K Höst.

Still reading: The Time-Traveling Popcorn Ball by Aster Glenn Gray and The Game of Kings by Dorothy Dunnett,

Next up: I have borrowed The Other Side of the Sky by Amie Kaufman and Meagan Spooner, Taking Down Evelyn Tait by Poppy Nwosu, and Between Silk and Cyanide: A Code Maker’s War, 1941-45 by Leo Marks. And maybe I’ll finally get around to The Dictionary of Lost Words by Pip Williams?

*

The City of Brass by S.A. Chakroborty (narrated by Soneela Nankani): I think this Middle East-inspired fantasy was just not the story I was in the headspace for -- it was longer, with more complicated worldbuilding and fewer answers. Possibly I’d have followed the political intrigue of Daevabad better had I read this in one gulp (I got halfway through the 20-hour-long audiobook before it was due back and I read other books before picking up the ebook). I liked the two protagonists, enough that I’m curious about what happens to them next, but the second book is 23 hours long and undoubtedly won’t resolve everything either. Maybe another day.

Tuyo by Rachel Neumeier: Ryo is left as a “tuyo” -- a sacrifice to be killed by an enemy -- as a sign that his tribe will withdraw from the Ugaro’s war with the Lau. But his captor doesn’t want to kill him, he wants Ryo to help him stop the war. Neumeier effectively creates tension between people who are polite, honest and honourable, and shows an intriguing relationship, defined by mutual respect, fealty and something more familial. There’s also some unusual magically-defying-physics-as-we-know-it worldbuilding but apparently I was far more interested in the character dynamics. I enjoyed this. Sequel, please?

From All False Doctrine by Alice Degan: My favourite book this year! Toronto, August 1925. Elsa Nordqvist, who hopes to write her MA thesis on a recently-discovered Greek manuscript, is at the beach with a friend when they meet two foster-brothers. This meeting deftly sets up everything which follows. The cover says “A Love Story” but this is also like a cross between a Golden-Age mystery novel and a fairytale retelling, with bonus academia and Anglicanism. I really like how much these characters value their friendships, their lively, intelligent and often honest conversations, and the way the romance unfolds. It also feels like a story written just for me and a hard one to review because my reaction has been very personal.

The Haunting of Tram Car 015 by P. Djèlí Clark (narrated by Julian Thomas): Set in the same city as A Dead Djinn in Cairo, this novella follows two agents from the Ministry of Alchemy, Enchantments and Supernatural Entities as they investigate a possessed tram car. The world-building is vivid and cleverly, thoughtfully, imaginative. But, perhaps because of the mood I’m in and because this story isn’t interested in exploring the personal lives of its detectives, I have no feelings about this.

The Angel of Crows by Katherine Addison: Sherlock Holmes wingfic involving Jack the Ripper murders. Not what I’m looking for in a Holmes retelling. But I was sufficiently intrigued by something the author wrote. I really like Crow and Dr Doyle (arguably more than their original counterparts). My interest wavered a bit during the second half. It closely mimics the style and structure of the original mysteries in many ways and that’s not my favourite style. I wanted fewer cases to solve, and more of Crow and Doyle interactions. I liked the ending, enough to be glad that I hadn’t given up halfway through.

Making Friends with Alice Dyson by Poppy Nsowu: Australian YA. Alice plans to spend her final year of high school staying invisible and studying hard, but is thrown into the spotlight after someone posts a video of her dancing with Teddy Taualai. I loved how intensely this captures Alice’s emotions and perspective, and how the story explores that people have different emotions, perspectives and needs. Alice seems to me like someone who might be on the autism spectrum -- and whether or not that’s what the author intended, it’s great to see characters like her represented. I wish it had unpacked her relationship with her parents more, but that didn’t negate how much I enjoyed this. 

Always and Forever, Lara Jean by Jenny Han (narrated by Laura Knight Keating): I can’t remember why, after I read To all the boys I’ve loved before and P.S. I still love you in 2017, I decided against reading the third book. It turned out to be my favourite. I loved it! I had a different experience of finishing high school and applying for university, but I find Lara Jean’s perspective intensely relatable: she has strong opinions about aesthetics; she’s nostalgic, introspective, stressed by uncertainty; she enjoys spending time at home with her family. I liked how this book captures her wonder at the intimacy of knowing another person well, and how, although she sometimes worries about their future, she has very few doubts about Peter himself. I haven’t come across very many YA novels in which a teenage girl is so secure being in a relationship. 

The Rose Garden by Susanna Kearsley:  After her sister dies, Eva stays with family friends in Cornwall, where she and Katrina spent summers years ago. I wasn’t expecting time-travel. I like time-travel stories, and I like how Kearsley handles it here. Eva’s choices make sense, given her situation, and the story emphasises that, even though she cannot control when she travels in time, there are still many choices she can actively make. So Eva becomes fascinated with 1715, because of the people she meets there and the relationships they develop... but I wanted to spend more time in the present-day Trelowarth, with its rose gardens and new tea room.

Flyaway by Kathleen Jennings: After she receives a mysterious note, nineteen year old Bettina flouts her mother’s rules for ladylike behaviour and embarks on a roadtrip with a couple of forgotten friends in search of her brothers, who disappeared three years ago. I loved some of the descriptions, especially seeing a rural Australian setting for this sort of fantasy. Jennings creates a wonderfully eerie atmosphere and the mystery kept me reading. However, the folktale parts of the story are dark, uncomfortably so. Very successfully Gothic, just ultimately not really my brand of Gothic.

The Duke Who Didn’t by Courtney Milan: There’s something so incredibly soft about this romance -- yet at the same time, it’s about two people who work fiercely towards their goals, worry about things, and are acutely aware of the discrimination they and other they love face as Chinese people in late 19th century England. Chloe and Jeremy’s relationship is characterised by banter and gentle teasing that reveals just well they know and accept and care about each other. Moreover, they have friends and relatives -- and a community -- who are supportive. I really enjoyed reading this and appreciated how low-angst it is.

The Threefold Tie by Aster Glenn Gray: Very tender. The characters convinced me that they were capable of communicating honesty with each other and making an unconventional relationship work. I liked the prose, which is no great surprise. 

Hamster Princess: Whiskerella by Ursula Vernon (aka T. Kingfisher): This time, adventure finds Harriet at home: her parents are throwing a masked ball so she can “meet some nice young princes without terrifying them”. But the princes are all preoccupied with a beautiful stranger, and Harriet is distracted by the mystery: who is this hamster, how did she get in without an invitation and what sort of magic is behind her glass slippers?  I think this is my favourite of Harriet’s adventures (so far). I loved the humour in this one.

Echo North by Joanna Ruth Meyer: When Echo finds her missing father unconscious and half-frozen in the woods, she is given a choice by the white wolf. A retelling of “East of the Sun, West of the Moon” with elements from “Beauty and the Beast” and “Tam Lin” thrown in, this has so many things which appeal to me, including an unexpected and wonderful library. Yet I found it frustrating and slow; the prose and the characters are rather straightforward, and I predicted nearly all the twists (bar the finale). But I believe that this tale could delight a younger, or a less critical reader.

The Disastrous Début of Agatha Tremain by Stephanie Burgis: In the two years since she turned sixteen and dismissed her governess, Agatha has been free to disregard ladylike behaviour, studying the books in her father’s library and teach herself magic. But then her aunt arrives and insists upon Agatha making a social début. This novelette is another story that I suspect I’d like more if it had been longer, if some of its ideas had been expanded upon and some of the relationships been given more space to develop. Agatha’s aunt and her motivations were unexpected, and I wasn’t entirely comfortable or satisfied with how that was resolved.

Snow Day by Andrea K. Höst: This novelette takes place after the Touchstone trilogy, more specifically after In Arcadia. Two outsiders get to see Cass and her family on Snow Day, and reveal a bit about their upbringing on Kolar.  This feels very much like fanfiction which just happens to be written by the author. It is fun to see familiar characters through others’ eyes and the expanded worldbuilding is interesting, but as a narrative, it seemed somewhat incomplete. (Maybe she’s planning something more with these characters?)

[honeycobie]

Could You Ship The Members Of The Boyz With Your Mutuals?

i got two of these asks so i combined them together and added a little description of the vibe they give off when i talk to them! i spent a lot of time on this because i love all of my cute mutuals ♡ under the cut because they’ll get super long. if i miss anyone, i’m sorry, my mind is a mess.

[sangyeon: @tbzhours​] paney is so supportive and she constantly reaches out to others to encourage them (she really reminds me of sangyeon with that)! i still remember when she first talked to me and i was shocked because i was a new blog and she had reached out to give me tips and cheer me on! not to mention, she was my first mutual so she has a special place in my heart <3

it’s like participating in a nervewracking competition and you’re so tense but you’ll suddenly hear loud cheers for you from the sideline. when you look up, you see that one person who never fails to make you smile. seeing their face makes you determined to win and make them proud, to pay them back for their limitless kindness and support.

[jacob: @atbzkingdom​] i know you ship me with him, but honestly you’re both angels? i see the both of you as more motherly figures but still extremely chaotic and silly. dee....no words describe how much i love her. if you were to ask me to describe her, i could write an essay but i wouldn’t be able to find one exact adjective. sometimes i just worry for her like please rest ;;; you’ve worked so hard and i want you to SLEEP goddamnit. 

it’s like the feeling of nostalgia. as you lie there, thinking of that one person and how much you miss them, old memories surface and you smile wistfully, allowing your mind to travel. the buzz of your phone brings you back down from your little universe and your eyes widen, heart fluttering when you notice it’s an incoming call from that exact person. 

[younghoon: @chaoticdeobi​] bea is such a softie, i love her so much :( i was debating between younghoon and hak but i went with him instead. i have to admit, reading her writings had me intimidated because damn the talent! i’m glad i reached out because i’ve found someone who i’ll never regret meeting! that intimidation reminds me of younghoon because he comes off as cold at first. however, as i continued talking to her, i laugh because i wonder why i felt intimidated in the first place because she’s just the softest bean underneath! (ok but they’re both literally the 🥺 emoji)

it’s like watching the snow fall gracefully with the person you cherish most, holding steaming mugs of hot chocolate as you allow your head to fall on their shoulder. although it’s silent, it’s never uncomfortable because you’re so close with the other person that you can practically tell what the other is thinking from their mere breaths.

[hyunjae: @heartyyjeno​] we first met through the tbz collab discord server and i was shocked because of how supportive she was? as everybody spilled in their ideas, she’d just keep on bringing in compliments and i love her for that. hyunjae and alesha both have a playful side as well as a sweet side and i can see them both connecting so well.

it’s like a hug when you most need it, the warmth of arms snaking around your waist as you let your tears go. gentle hands come up to brush away your tears and you can’t help but let out a shaky laugh when they pull a silly face to comfort you. their embrace is so comforting, it lulls you to sleep. if you were to describe this hug in one word, it’d be home. 

[juyeon: @juyeonzz​] i’m sorry qiu but i was intimidated by you too...you seemed so far up and out of my league that i didn’t dare to interact with you but i’m so so so glad i did! qiu and juyeon....both seem so intimidating? maybe it’s because resting face hehe but underneath!! they’re both the sweetest dorks! i can’t count how many times i’ve bickered with her over who loves who (i do and i take no arguments) the most and i love how we get so chaotic together.

it’s like stargazing with someone and it’s supposed to be romantic but you can’t help but burst out into giggles because it’s suddenly turned into a huge tickle fight. even though you playfully scold the other person for ruining such a lovely moment, you can’t help but think the opposite, your heart full and bursting with love as you turn your gaze back to the sky, fingers intertwining with theirs.

[kevin: @hyungseobf]: one of my oldest moots! i haven’t talked to them in a while and honestly we’re not super close but i still love them :( i ship them with kevin because they’re both so friendly and easy to talk to! also they’re chaotic and they’d absolutely vibe together. when they took a super long hiatus, i was so sad and i really really missed them. 

it’s like going through an old box of your childhood memories, feeling oddly happy as you sift through scrapbooks and photos but your hand stills when your gaze falls onto the old plushie that used to be your favourite. picking it out, you shake off the dust, as you stare fondly at its worn, dirty yet adorable face. 

[chanhee: @vernonvsblog] another one of my newest moots! she’s so kind and understanding and i know that chanhee would definitely appreciate that the most (especially since i feel like he’s someone who would want some time and space to himself)! not to mention, they’re both precious beans and i feel like they’d brighten up each others’ and other people’s days. 

it’s like being on a roadtrip, driving past forest and towns, everything blurring together. finally, the car stops at your destinated stop and you’re parked near the beach. running out, you feel so carefree, taking in the breathtaking sunset, painting the sky with vivid orange and yellow and the waves crashing against the shore, the scent of the sea carried by the breeze.

[changmin: @tbzwurld] listen, i’ve been mutuals with bee for like one day and i’m already in love like i’d sacrifice everything. this is all based off from her blog as i don’t know her that well yet but! her blog literally radiates softness and love like i can already tell that she puts her whole soul into making her blog a comfort zone for her followers. they’re both sweethearts and give off babie energy. 

it’s like watching the rain pour with headphones in, listening to soft and slow songs. you watch as it gradually clears up, the sun breaking through the dense and dark gray clouds. the glow is still weak but golden, still gathering strength and intensity but you feel so powerful at that moment, your eyes lingering on the patches of blue that start to show through. 

[hyunjoon: @aveluant1a​] yu! one of my newer moots but i still love you nonetheless. what really reminds me of hyunjoon is the talent! you’re both brimming with talent like gimme (the art, the writing....dang) and she really comes off mysterious and is like that one cool person i’m in awe of. i love how when we talk, she’s so open to many topics and she’s honestly an amazing person. 

it’s like catching a glimpse of a fawn in a forest, mysterious and practically beckoning to you as it melts away into the shadows. without thinking, you follow it and you’re taken away by the gorgeous sight of a field, the grass swaying along with the wind and you can’t help but twirl in the warmth of the sunshine, your arms spread out and your eyes closed, basking in the pure beauty of nature.

[sunwoo: @fluffytbz​] for rosie, i was thinking either sunwoo or eric ;;; but i went with sunwoo! they’re both so supportive and loving! they can be serious but goofy in a split second and i love how carefree she comes off. it feels like all my fears melt away when i talk to her and she’s basically my older sister that i can confide all my secrets in. 

it’s like cradling a rose in your hands, the petals silky smooth against the skin of your palms as you take in its fragrant scent and a smile takes over your face as it calms you down, bringing you a sense of peace. as you move to pluck it from the garden, you wince, the thorns drawing blood but it’s worth it. it is always worth it. 

summary: i’m basically in love with all of you.

[hyprodazed]

Over the past year I have gotten to do more travelling than I have done the entire rest of my life. Here is a sneak peak into learning I love to explore and the 8 places I got to do it in.

Grand Canyon: It all started in Las Vegas. I traveled with my boyfriend and his family on a plane for the first time in many years and I was downright terrified. We explored Las Vegas, saw a magic show, and experienced New Years surrounded by thousands of other people. The Grand Canyon, however, was the most memorable part of this trip. We hiked it for hours and ended looking over it as the sun began to set. This was the only trip of the eight that I got to do with my best friend and it will hold a special place in my heart because of that.

New York City: This had always been a dream for me. New York City was big and exciting and everything I thought I wanted in life. I thought about going to school there but the price was much higher than I knew I could afford. So I settled for a depressingly short 3 day trip that ended with our team losing. To backtrack, I am part of a basketball pepband at school and we get to travel for tournaments.  So the whole semester I went to every singe game and got enough points to go to the city of my dreams. I explored with some friends and it even snowed. Our team may have lost their first game and sent us home way too early, but I still got to finally go somewhere I have thought about my entire life.

Kansas City: This trip was in no way planned. It was another basketball trip, but for our women’s team. I only went because they did not have enough people to go since it was during classes. I am so happy I did though because this trip was fantastic. I got to be with some friends and we did a lot of things like go to a WW1 museum, explore an aquarium and just wander around the city. Sometimes unexpected is great.

Prague: This is where things start to get a little depressing. Over the summer I had the amazing opportunity to study abroad in the Czech Republic. This was an absolutely fantastic experience and I learned a lot about traveling alone as well as learned a lot in terms of the classes I took and the culture I was thrown into. I also learned a lot about myself, specifically in terms of my mental health. I have battled with depression since early in highschool and being alone so frequently in Prague made it far worse. There were many days where I couldn’t even force myself out of bed because I just felt so absurdly alone in a place where I was so unfamiliar. Those days where I did leave my bed, though, were some of the best days. I went to a symphony alone once and I thought I would hate it because I felt pathetic being by myself. It turned out to be the prettiest performance I have experienced. I also did get to spend time with people, as pictured. We took a roadtrip to the Czech country side, swam in a lake, walked around a festival, got drunk in an Airbnb and made memories we will never forget. Overall I had some rough days in Prague but the experience is one I know I would never want to lose.

Vienna: During the study abroad, our program took us on a weekend trip to Austria. We got to visit beautiful castles and got to play chess with a competition level 8 year old Austrian boy. If someone told me that a year ago that is something I would do, I would never believe them. I also got to spend a lot of time with a good friend, Cameron, the guy in the picture. Him and I have an odd friendship because we are very vastly different people. But study abroad and exploring Europe together definitely brought us closer.

Berlin: Germany was a trip that Cameron and I took just for fun. He speaks some German so it only made sense to test it out a little. We did so much sightseeing all throughout the city. While doing so, we got drinks and walked with them which is something that is very foreign to me because that is not allowed here. So Cameron drank way to much beer and I found a really weird and good bottled cocktail and we explored parks, and food stands, and statues and just everything Berlin had to offer. This was probably the most relaxing and fun place I went during all of my time in Europe.

Malta: Throughout my life, people have always given me odd looks when first meeting me. This is because I don’t seem to exactly fit into a box when it comes to my appearance. Often times I am called Hispanic, and people are very surprised to learn that I do not know a lick of Spanish. This is because I am half Maltese. Malta is a country that most people have never heard of. It is absurdly small and just floating in the middle of the Mediterranean Sea. I had only been there once and that was when I was 5. After my study abroad though, I decided to spend a week with family and experience the place my mother was born and grew up. I got to meet new family members like cousins, see ones that I had no memory of and visit the most beautiful country in the world (I may be bias). I got to go to my cousins beautiful wedding and have my uncles try to get me drunk the entire time to make my mom angry. I got to take my aunt on an adventure to a place she had learned about in school and seen every day but could never get to because there was no marked path (pictured). I got to spend (a little) alone time and swim in the most beautiful water in the world. This trip was very exhausting but also so exciting. I may be only half Maltese, bu that country has my entire heart.

Barcelona: I ended my time in Europe in the beautiful country of Spain. My sister had been living there for 1 ½ years so I finally got to visit her and spend time exploring with someone that new what they were doing. I also had the unfortunate experience of getting an incredibly bad stomach flu and throwing up just in the middle of the city. But I got to be with my sister which was nice since I hadn’t seen here in over a year and I got to check one more place off of my bucketlist.

There is so much about travelling that I found out that I love, more than I would have ever expected. Flying alone, walking around foreign cities with friends, not speaking the language of the country you’re in. These are all things that I didn’t know I needed to experience. I have so many more stories from every single one of these trips but this post is already much longer than it needs to be. I don’t know my reasoning for this post but basically travel has changed my life a ton. Unfortunately, travel is expensive. Almost all of these trips were paid off through hard work and dedication in the form of scholarships and points. I don’t know if I will ever get these experiences again so I wanted to take some time to reflect on them. It just goes to show that you may not know you need something until you throw yourself into it.

[lifeiszestyy]

*2/19/2019

*henlo, i had a hectic weekend visiting my sister in portland and i was Too Tired to write my journal lmao so here we go!!

*woke up at 7am on saturday. i was asleep on and off during the drive. seeing the landscape dramatically change from snow to rain was pretty strange. we went grocery shopping for my sister and then went out to dinner. found a very good vietnamese restaurant and my dad had oxtail soup which had a huge ox bone

*on sunday my family left me in the hotel while they went to costco because i had a bloody nose that i needed to recover from. when they came back we went downtown. we went to a cute japanese store that had all kinds of stuff. then we went to the mall. looked around. i wasn’t planning on getting clothes but i saw a cute vest and my mom was like I’M PAYING DON’T QUESTION IT like :0 my sis took us to this cool restaurant that i cannot remember the name of. i like trying new things and portland has a lot of food you don’t see here so i ordered one of those fancy superfood salads and it tasted pretty good. i generally don’t eat a lot of vegetables because they can be very bland but it was very tasty

*when we got back to the hotel it was still early in the evening so i hung out with my sister and played monster prom and i showed her some of the trailers from the nintendo direct

*today i was very tired and had to get up early. we went to this cute lil cafe where i had a honey spiced latte and french toast and i ate it all. i was asleep most of the trip. when we stopped at a town about 2 hours from home, my parents wanted chinese food... i was hungry so all i had was a cup of soup. i was. terrified of having tea cause certain teas put my bladder into hyperdrive mode. i fell asleep and thought i’d be okay but i fuckin. woke up needing to pee so i asked how far the next town is and my dad said there’s a pitstop closer by but my mom said the town was 20 minutes away. so i was like okay.... i can hold on twenty minutes. so about 10 minutes in i could feel i made a Mistake and then the sign said the town was like another 20 minutes away and i started having a Major Panic Attack. there’s a smaller town closer by but for some reason my dad Hates going off course and the last time he did that he went batshit insane and starting doing fucking intense donuts in a smallass parking lot Very Fast which gave me a fucking Extreme Mode Panic Attack and honestly??? why do i keep going in these roadtrips lmao

*anyway, 1) i need to set a No Tea boundary for road trips and 2) i need to go to whatever is the nearest bathroom even if it’s gross because it’s either bad smells or pissing myself and i guess pissing myself is Worse, no more of this pretending i can hold it in for 30+ minutes, my sim bar was in the red zone and i was Extremely Uncomfortable, i’m too old to overestimate my piece of shit bladder

*i took a nap when we got home and when i woke up i played the sims :P and now i’m just laying down not tired because i slept most of the day rip

*12:27am

:’)

[leahwithanidea]

4 Feb 2019 - THAT YE MAY STAND BLAMELESS BEFORE GOD AT THE LAST DAY

My sincerest apologies for not emailing last Monday. I was traveling from the Provo MTC to the Colorado Springs mission!! I arrived around 4pm with a group of other missionaries and was assigned the area I will be serving in for the next 6 or more weeks. There is a chunk of New Mexico included in the CO Springs mission, and that's where I was assigned to serve! I am in a little town called Raton. SO STOKED. It was my dream to serve in NM ever since I took a look at the mission boundaries. My last week at the MTC was awesome. As a lot of you know, I wasn't stoked to be spending an extra week there while all my other district mates departed for their mission fields. Nevertheless! The Lord make it all awesome. I got put into a new district for my remaining week, and they took me in and treated me like family. Instant friends. We had a blast learning together that last week. Pictures are included below. It was sad to leave them all, but we are all now in different parts of North America (some in Canada, some in South Carolina, and me here in NM) beginning our service to the Lord! Coming to Raton was such a pretty roadtrip! My new companion, Sister Hekking, and I drove from the Springs all the way across the border to the Land of Enchantment! I am thankful to be here because while there is snow and not so nice temperatures in CO, the sun is out and the degrees are high here in NM! I have been wearing my cute sandals (unless you are Emma Gaush, then they are "Mexican man shoes") and my curls have been flowing free in the dry desert wind! I love it here. We live up by the side of the mountain in town next to a State Trooper (so don't worry, Mom, I am safe despite some drug and gang problems in town). Raton used to be a booming mining town and now it is losing its life (and people). Good thing the Sister missionaries are in town (there haven't been Sisters here for a while)! I am determined to spruce this place up with my personality and the light of the gospel of Jesus Christ!! WOOHOO SO PUMPED. We gonna get this town up and bumpin again!! When you are called to do the Lord's work, you DO IT. Obedience and diligence is how you stand blameless before God. Some things that have occurred since we came here: -- An antelope straight chased our car down the road for a whole mile. I have never seen an antelope before and I wanted to get close, but Sister Hekking was afraid it was rabid so she ordered me to get in the car. -- We almost perished from a fire. No worries. One of the burners on our stove went up in flames while we were cooking macaroni one day. It's all good now thanks to my fire-fighting skillz, the wonderful ventilation in our house, and our oscillating fan. The Spirit of God like a fire is burning, I guess. -- Since this area of NM is straight BEAUTIFUL, we have been exploring. There are old rodeo grounds, lakes, haunted hotels, some great cemeteries (because you know ya girl loves a good cemetery), mountains, ranches, and mesas! Also, there is a volcano in my area, so that will be a Monday activity for sure. God knows me so well and knew I would just THRIVE in NM. Land of my Native ancestors. That's the other thing: there are 3 groups of people here: Gringos, Natives, and Hispanics. So I fit right in, haha. I read a beautiful scripture here that defines my experience coming to NM. It's in the Doctrine & Covenants (revelation from God given to the prophet Joseph Smith and then later compiled into a book of scripture). Section 88 verses 45-47 reads: "The earth rolls upon her wings, and the sun giveth his light by day, and the moon giveth her light by night, and the stars also give their light, as they roll upon their wings in their glory, in the midst of the power of God. Unto what shall I liken these kingdoms, that ye may understand? Behold, all these are kingdoms, and any man who hath seen any or the least of these hath seen God moving in his majesty and power." That's straight POETRY. I love it. If you have seen and experienced the earth, you have witnessed the power and reality of God. Holy moly ain't that the truth. I am so grateful for this earth that my Heavenly Father created for me!! Lots of pictures of His creations in NM below!! I love you all! Take care this week! -- Sister Leah Gaush

Raton, NM Pictures from the planet of MARS:

1. Me n my CUTE AS HECK MTC companions

2. Some members of my second district at the MTC. What gems. What an album cover.

3. Matching hair-dos with the MTC companions. If an assassin was after one of us, he'd end up taking us all out on accident.

4. NM land pt. 1

5. NM land pt. 2

6. NM sunset feat. our church building

7. Me n Sister Hekking, my new companion!! Typical hair for me.

8. Embracing the wildnerness !

9. Typical pretty house. *Heart eyes*

10. Oh wow artsy feat. my new hand-me-down dress from a previous Sister Missionary

[brokenmusicboxwolfe]

I saw:

The Empire Strikes Back- 

SPOILERS! Because what the heck..

The opening crawl updates us with what are gang are up to, clearly written by someone with an agenda since it says the rebel fighters are led by Luke Skywalker and he’s anything but. Oh sure, he’s got a bit more rank but clearly a general is in charge and Leia is giving orders. Face it, Luke is still basically  just  a celebrity soldier. 

Which, considering the way things are going at least keeps him from being blamed for all the problems. I mean, they are scanning this new hide out planet for life forms and seconds after announcing he hadn’t picked up any readings he gets attacked by the abominable snowman! Ok, wampa.. He gets hauled off either to be a munchy and crunchy or the critter just wants to hug him and squeeze him and call him George. Since none of the skeletons in the cave are Bugs Bunny sized it’s hard ti say, but the bones do indicate whoever sold the rebels the scanning devices clearly scammed them!

Anyway, Luke does survive, thanks to magical mumbo jumbo and Han tucking him into a nice warm fur wrap. Ok, the wrap was a wee bit wet on the inside since Han’s not really got the hang of skinning, etc a caracas and  just shoves the boy into the bloody mess. Great while it’s warm, but once it’s cool we have a nice soaked hypothermic. But at least Han gets a break from hearing the kid muttering about his dead me tor turned imaginary friend. 

So after an undoubtedly super adorable reunion between BFFs Han and Chewie...that we don’t get to see...the guys encounter one of the coolest of droids, all appendages like an octopus floating over the snow. Unfortunately this droid was only there to call in the Nazi wannabe Empire. Oh no! This means fighting!

As the attack occurs our heroes split up. Luke steals a valuable bit of Rebellion equipment and abducts poor little R2D2 so he can go on vacation and work on his abs at a vegetation lush resort run by some sort of very short guru type. He gets a lot of fortune cookie advice like “Do or do not, there is no try” which sounds like a good excuse not to attempt anything you have doubts about working. And believe me, just thinking you can do something does not mean you won’t fail. But whatever, Luke is really into this cult if the Jedi, so much so he doesn’t pay any mind to the fact that R2 is stick out in the rain and probably rusting!

But C-3PO has it worse! He esapes with Leia, Han and Chewie,which is good. And bad. No body listens to him as he warns them the ship can’t go into hyperdrive. No body listens to him when he warns them about the dangers of diving head long into an asteroid field. And while they hide out in a cave that’s actually a hungry, hungry giant space worm he is stuck observing Leia and Han enacting the traditional “hate you/kissy kissy behavior”. He takes a bit flak as the verbal punching bag for their frustrations. The fact he is a droid and NOT human, with no way of getting the subtleties mating rituals  and blame the messenger sarcasim seems unfair, but this trip just gets worse. Once they reach the perceived sanctuary offered by Han’s friend Lando C- 3PO gets blown apart! While he gets put back together he gets little sympathy for his suffering, what with droids, while clearly sentient beings of high intellegence and deep feeling, are slaves in this univers. Bought, sold, and restraining bolts commonly used. 

You know, as a little girl I thought the Rebellion were good guys because they were full of non-humans and assumed that the droids would all be freed as a result of the rebels defeating the Empire. Did you see any non-humans in authority in the Empire? Nope. So of course they were human supremists with only enslaved droids. But I dunno now. I was probably projecting my own version of good and evil.

Where was I?

Cloud City offers the occupants of the Millenium Falcon, well at least the ones on one peice, a chance to relax in bright airy architecture. Leia gets a lovely outfit and hairstyle I’ll go to my grave envious of, though she doesn’t keep it long. They get offered a meal, but thanks to the guest of honor at the dinner being Darth Vader I dunno if anyone got anything to eat. Probably just as well, because torture sessions on a full stomach might get messy. The psychic screaming gets Luke’s attention. He wants to go to the rescue, despite the fact his green guru and ghostly mentor moan at him that he should just let his friends die because if he goes Vader would kick his novice ass. This is clearly untrue since he does go and all is not list as a result, just an easily replacable (in their universe) hand. 

You know, the real reason they don’t want to let him go is ‘cause they realize Darth Vader is actually a seriously dark daddy. As in Luke’s father that they keep neglecting to tell him about, or at least the truth about. Since it’s much better to have it sprung at him ar a properly dramatic moment. Interesting nobody seems to give much of a damn about Leia, Luke’s twin sister for crying out loud! Vader had personally tortured her and spent more time around her than any of our other chracters yet he never noticed she was his kid. So much for the force sensing things! Maybe Luke would have avoided Vader’s notice if some idiot hadn’t given him Vader’s real last name, sent him to live on Vader’s orginal home world and hidden him with Vader’s relatives! Yeah, yeah, Yoda says “There is another” but since he was willing to let her die rather than risk the boy,  I somehow don’t think our Jedi master and ghostly yacker take her seriously. Jerks!

So Luke heads off with Obi Wan telling him he  won’t help in the conflict with Vader. Well duh! What help have you really been? “Run, Luke run!” When only an idiot wouldn’t have run. “Use the force!” Which means using blind faith rather than technology, that works in this anti-science science fiction world view. And when Lukes lying in the snow near death does he give him help? Nah, just the address and contact name for the swamp spa! Yeah, only a slightly dim bulb would call out to this dead guy for help when his life is in danger.

Oh, right....Luke does.

On the flight to Bespin Luke tells R2 “Just hang on, we’re almost there.” Which sounds for all the world like a parent telling a kid on a roadtrip to try to wait until they get to a bathroom. Droids should need to piss but....

Meanwhile things are much more interesting at his destination, Leia gets to watch her new boyfriend, post torture, get turned into a bit of wall art. And as she bares her soul, confessing her love as a heads to possible death, the best she gets out of him is “I know”. Typical. And she has to join forces with her boyfriend’s betrayer. I mean, she is NOT having a good day. And then after all the bother she and the others put into escaping she gets the psychic call from her brother for help. I wonder if he told her he actually called for help from a dead guy before her? 

It all ends on a cliffhanger. Will they find Han? Oh, and though nobody mentions is, will the rebels find some place to regroup and a way to defeat the overwhelmingly powerful foe. I mean, you DO remember the rebellion, don’t you??  

I love this movie. It’s fluff, which means I find it all cozy and warm. I just wrap it around me and feel better. The mucking about with the SEs did no harm here, thank goodness. I adore the film irrationally, and very, very deeply. I just mock with affection.....

[the-travelling-hobbit]

SOUTH AFRICA - East London

It's now been almost three week since I left wintery Germany for sunny, hot South Africa. Usually I get quite nervous and very itchy feet in the days leading up to  the flight. Luckuily, this time I was busy up to  the last minute: my cousin Rhodri stopped by for a few days on his roadtrip from Wales through Europe. It was a lovely few days, and we even got to spend two days in the snow in Germany and Austria, my Dad and cousin skiing and myself going for walks and fiddling around with my camera. I saw my sister as well as some friends for the last time before leaving, we had our friends Horst and Christina over for the weekend and in between I attempted to pack everything I needed. On flight day, my neighbour and friend Anke came over for brunch and joined my Dad in taking me to the airport later, which was lovely. All in all, it was a few really nice days

The flight to South Africa was a long one, but also one of my favourite ones so far. While waiting in line in Frankfurt, a girl with a big backpack joined the queue behind me, smiling as she eyed my own backpack. Starting a conversation, we soon found out that not only were we both flying to South Africa via Addis Abeba, we had both spent some time there before, were travelling alone and shared the same name. It was nice meeting another traveller, hearing their experiences so far and sharing each others excitement for the trip, then exchanging numbers and saying farewell in Johnannesburg, a city thousands of miles awy. On the plane to Addis Abeba, I sat next to another rlovely person, Lars, who was travelling to Kenya to visit friends he had made there some years before. Exchanging stories from our travels made the flight a lot more interesting. It also encouraged me  in my decision to travel solo: it makes meeting new people a lot easier.

The first 1 ½ weeks I stayed at a B&B in Gonubie, the same suburb of town my family and I used to live in. I spend time  going to the beach and meeting up with friends from school I hadn't seen in 8 years, which was really lovely. It quickly felt like being home again, familiar smells and sounds (like the calls of the hadeda ibises) bringing back memories. But it was still a bit of a culture shock, the friendliness of the people but also the poverty of many people is not something I know from Germany or Britain.

On a hot thursday afternoon, my dad joined me a different apartment in Gonubie, with a beautiful view of the sea. Three years ago he had been to East London last, so it wasn't quite as much of a novelty being back as it was for me.  The same evening, we drove to the local petrol station, where our good friend Emmanuel works-and we were all happy to see each other again after so many years.Over the next few days we made the most of the weather, we went swimming in the pool, had coffee and food in places we used to go to.  Emmanuel showed us his new house, we picked up his lovely partner Sindy and his four year old, beautiful daughter Ungakuthi and drove to King Williams Town to go to the Steve Biko museum , which I can recommend anyone in the area to go to. We also made a trip to Cintsa, which is along the Wild Coast and one of the most beautiful beaches I know: hardly a soul in sight, sand, dunes and crashing waves for miles and miles, it's just stunning.

12 years ago I moved to East London with my dad and sister for two years, and I spent two of my happiest years here. Where I'd hated school with a passion in Germany, I really enjoyed going to Merrifield, our school here: the people in my class and the teachers were very nice, I enjoyed most of my lessons and managed to improve my marks. We wore school uniforms ( I know, a topic of debate for many, but I loved wearing one), I joined the Outreach Club, read Shakespeare plays and sudenly Technology and Business were subjects. Snakes would regularly slither in the classrooms and we spent our breaks under the hot African sun.  This is why visiting the school again was something I was quite excited about and it was so lovely: I talked to some of my teachers, and it was good to see them well and happy. It was nice having a look around to see what had changed. I left feeling very content, if not a little sentimental.

Another special experience was visiting the game reserve Inkwenkwezi, which is one of my favourite places in the world: we were lucky to have blue skies, the sun beating down on the the car, acacia and guava trees, termite hills, birds and butterflies flitting about. I feel like I can never get over actually seeing Zebras, Ostriches, Monkeys,Kudus and Impalas  with my own eyes, not to mention Elephants, Rhinos, Giraffes and Lions: the natural environment here is just so beautiful, and it's lovely seeing animals in their natural habitat, not caged in like they are in Zoos.

Two days later, after a final walk at the beach in Gonubie,coffee at Lavender Blue and saying goodbye to Emmanuel, we jumped in the car and started our journey towards Cape Town.