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anon-pseudonym · 11 months

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Devon Walker gave me mycoplasma genetalium

I’m up at 3am screaming crying with some of the worst pain my vagina has experienced, like top 3 & I’ve had an abortion. It all started with the mycoplasma.

Just talking about signs and symptoms first; I didn’t have any, till I was told about the infection contact. He called me on a Monday afternoon, told me he has this STI and I laughed- it sounded made up. I’m a public health girlie and I had never heard of this. Then he also told me he blocked me, and that his girlfriend was gonna reach out to me. That he had a lot of cleaning up to do

We have mutual friends; it’s how we met actually. I asked why it had to be like this, he said he had to “deal with his shit.” I said okay. A long time old friend of mine put me on, when I moved to New York last year and said I was looking to meet people. I was hesitant to reach out, knowing that he was a comedian, who are usually petty grimy people, and in an "open relationship". I mean comedians literally make a living off making fun of other people and themselves.

Anyways we started going out/hooking up in October, he said he didn’t know where his relationship stood and felt like things were changing since he was just cast on SNL. I had just gotten here, so I wanted to keep things casual, to which we did. It was never really anything serious, even though we both liked each other and things were amicable for the most part. Lots of teasing and banter. It quickly became a late-night thing, always fun, until he called me a few months ago and told me he tested positive for a strange STI, called mycoplasma genetalium, and that his girlfriend didn’t know about me and made him block me, and we couldn’t see each other anymore. I was in shock – and it took my body a good few hours to process it all.

The next day I went to his place to talk. I walked over & just showed up because we live within a half mile of each other, and I was pretty upset. Another very convenient part of what was an easy thing, but now feels too close to just shake off. He was shocked and appalled I had showed up, he honestly looked disgusting. Disheveled, confused, as if I had popped up with a strap or something about to pop some shit.

He told me to come back another time, he was busy, and another time never came. He offered a phone call, we talked, and he was straight up rude to me. I got no answers; how long have you even had this, what’s my risk since one time you took the condom off halfway through sex, and what’s my risk given we were having protected sex, not even that often? He was usually sweet to me, playful, touching, endearing. I don’t know what I had done to deserve this on the behalf of his lack of ability to communicate to women about what his relationship boundaries are. And I’m not just writing here about crossing just about boundaries – it gets worse.

I went to the doctor, they didn’t want to test be because they claimed mycoplasma is only transmitted through regular sexual partners. I said that was really the only reason I was here, since I was tested a few months ago & came back clean. The doc looked at my cervix, said it was heavily inflamed, and tested and treated me anyway. Honestly, I was wondering why my kitty felt so tight & also off since I had started seeing D back in October. The test came back positive after a week of two simultaneous of antibiotics I already had to take for the cervicitis & BV caused by myco. And then- the doc called me the morning after a long weekend, in a serious tone, and prescribed me a strong antibiotic with a black box warning to kill the infection.

This is what made me wonder how I even got it in the first place if it our sex was supposedly protected. This rare, hard to get infection that requires three antibiotics to kill it. Which made me realize: every time I saw him I was drunk. Not sure if it was my doing, but drinking was never not something he wanted to do. The last time I had seen him he poured me a glass half full of tequila. The time before that, I was so drunk I didn’t remember the sex the next morning. Was this my doing? Can’t say I don’t feel responsible for overindulging. These things are wildly ambiguous But either way, I have an eerie feeling I was stealthed.

One time, back right before the kiki palmer ep of SNL, I remember he took the condom off halfway (2/3 way) through sex. Before sex, I asked him if we could have unprotected, but he said “we shouldn’t… I really shouldn’t” – and so I did not push it. I said okay! But later, he proceeded to ask me if it was okay. I said yeah in the moment, regretted it & wanted to talk about it after, and he gave me no answers as to who he was sleeping with and what my risks are. He avoided me, beyond dodgy; just inconsiderate & unkind. He said all this when he told me about the mycoplasma again, said this info was “out of bounds.” As someone you’re having regular sex with, which I think he wanted to pretend like he wasn’t, I guess, how is knowing who you fuck out of bounds? especially when you chose to remove the rubber?

I didn’t see him for a minute after that but ended up seeing him again a few months later. From then on he enforced condoms, but I can’t help but think that the times I’ve been so drunk he could have stealthed me without my knowing. And how else would I get this rare infection, after all? And how many other women did he give it to?

Either way, the mycoplasma isn’t what hurts. Even though the doc said I had cervical symptoms, I was asymptomatic. It’s the antibiotics I had to take that came with a warning for tendinitis and nerve damage, to which symptoms i ended up experiencing. Of course, on top of that it’ll dry out your whole system and kill your microbiome. Just left me in a terrible place; emotionally and physically.

On day 7 of the antibiotics and I was suffering some of the most painful side effects ive ever felt vaginally. I went back to another GYN after a few nights of sheer agony, unable to sleep, barely able to walk or make it through the day. She said she was glad I came in because my skin was thinning in a scary way.

She said I would need to be reevaluated for an autoimmune disorder in a few weeks. That my skin flared up because of the infection, then the antibiotics. She said I could have a rare autoimmune disease that’s triggered by localized trauma. It could be anything – from arthritis to celiac, or something rarer. I’ve never seen my vagina look like this before in my life, patchy and losing color, wrinkly & painful.

The skin composition of my entire groin has changed after this whole experience. Not to mention the emotional triggers from my childhood and teenage sexual trauma and abuse. Difficulty using the bathroom on a daily basis. Deep, personal shame. While he gets to coast through shows, excursions, working things through with miss wifie. He gets to post his little adventures with his her, whole time I’m wondering, how much does she know? Why did he block me, but she didn’t? I just don’t understand how he can just move on and flaunt everything while I have to suffer the repercussions of his failure to be honest with me about his sexual health and relationship status.

So why would I write this all out, anonymously? Why would I want to hurt him? Ultimately I don't, but I just can’t let this go. I’m deeply affected by his carelessness – like it lead to me having a serious and deeply painful condition that’s taking me away from work, friends, and myself. I really, truly wish it was nothing. I almost wish he just never told me, and just ghosted me. But he did and the way he handled our entire "thing" just blew up for me in my life. I'm sure he thought he was being nice, by going about this the way he did, but are 'soft boys' and 'nice guys' ever actually nice? God I hate stupid men.

What I want is fair karma. He treated me like a used rag. What I want is to move on because this cut me deeper than I thought it could have. Hard to patch up this wound. How did I face the sharpest end of the sword, really? How did I get done this dirty, really? No explanations, barred and triggered from and by my friendships that were built before he ever came into the picture.

So I guess I’ll just say what I wanted the world to know, as I have been. Devon robbed me. He robbed me of my emotional sanity the past few months. Robbed me of a healthy hookup. Robbed me of feeling safe within a friendship. Robbed me of my ability to enjoy comedy. My ability to watch SNL again probably ever – which is honestly fine cus who even watches that shit anymore. Robbed me of my skin pigmentation and a healthy set of sex organs. Of my history of honestly in my casual sexual relationships. And I'm sure I'm not alone in this

Despite how bad I know he is, I’m still jealous of her - all the gifts he showered her with; having him in a way I could have never. She seems really sweet. I feel bad. But why should I? He really didn’t respect me. I was never going to reach out to her. I can’t keep secrets tho, and to me these are secrets that he’s hiding from her, and the world. My suffering. Their relationship is private, and I want to respect that. I really do. I mean for the longest time I have been respecting it, and her. It’s very difficult to do that though - to walk away from all this - when he showed me no respect at all. He made it clear he thought highly of me but didn’t live up to it. I’m beautiful and different. He doesn’t respect me at all; and I’ll tell you, as the other woman, I know she and I have plenty in common

So if he doesn’t respect me… why her? Is it her money, her daddy? He disrespected my asks for honesty and transparency sexually, and for amicable relationships with our mutual friends. He left me quite literally extremely high and dry. Beyond that- my body is sick. Instantaneously and chronically because of all of his mishandling

Really, who is he? Because I don’t know who I had relations with on and off for 8 months. I never ever knew when he was telling me the truth, about anything. I don’t know the person who triggered my body into an autoimmune freakout condition that is changing the state of my skin, and my sexual organs for good

#devon walker #snl #cucklife #cheating #writers strike #open relationship #mycoplasma genetalium #STI #STD #devon #walker #comedy #snlcast #snlsketch #girlfriend

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