#n how things we love vice versa also influences us. the way life is so connected is so beautiful to me

[starkstruck27]

do you go out of your way to like shitty characters?

No, but I DO go out of my way to clarify why I like them. It's because

NEWSFLASH!!

They're F I C T I O N A L!!

I assume this ask was meant to call me out for liking Billy Hargrove, mostly, though you did say characters plural, so maybe there's more. But I'll tell you the real reason I like them: I identify with them. They aren't perfect, but neither am I, and I'd rather see the flaws in them and think that if given time and opportunity they could change those harmful things instead of thinking that that's what makes them unlovable. If we're talking specifically with Billy (like I assume we are) I see myself in him because I too grew up in a household where violence and pressure to be perfect all the time loomed over me pretty much 24/7. I know where all his anger and emotional instability comes from because I've felt it, too, and I also know how it feels to have my views on the world and its people influenced by the person who controls my entire life. For example, my mother is a Christian woman, so I grew up Christian, and even now, if I say I like something like the band Ghost (who often poke at religion and tend to lean towards more satanic views on the surface) she'll think I'm a Satanist and start to worry about me. So as a result, by now I just go along with whatever she says so that I avoid the argument that will inevitably come if I try and say any different. It's the same kind of thing with Billy, he knows how his father feels, and he knows he'll be in trouble if he or Max go outside of that box he's put them in, so he does his best to keep her away from Lucas because he wants to avoid all that. And yes, I KNOW that Billy was supposed to be a lot worse in canon with the racism. But a lot of the characters were supposed to be a lot worse, and it was the actors that had to put a stop to that. And most of the characters got chances to redeem themselves, whereas Billy did not. Another thing about him is the fact that what most people don't realize is that Billy would've gone after any of the boys if he'd caught them with Max, it just so happened to be Lucas that he saw with her the most. This is proved by the car scene where he's trying to scare Max. But here's the thing: I have a little sister too, and if I thought that something was up between her and a group of boys that seem to be stalking her that she JUST MET, I would want to scare her away from them, too, and vice versa. And if I found my sister in a house alone with said boys, as well as one that was much older than her and they lied to my face about it, I'd be pretty freaking mad and worried, too. Especially if my father had slapped me around for not knowing where she was an hour earlier and told me to go find her or it would be MY ass on the chopping block.

I say all of that to say that while you think some characters are awful for the things they feel or the lives they lead, some of us love them all the more for it, because we have been through exactly what they have and we know what it's like to feel that way or be in that situation. Maybe we didn't react the same, but it shows that our feelings are valid and that we're not monsters for feeling them. It makes us feel more human.

Anyway, to get back on track, not only does it not matter who and what I like, but it doesn't really affect you in the slightest. You and I are most likely never going to meet outside in the real world. Or maybe we will, or we have, and we just didn't know it. But no matter what the circumstances, the fact remains that we are most likely never going to talk outside of this, and even if we do, how likely is it that on a random chance meeting we get to talking about our favorite fictional characters? It's slim to none.

Not to mention the only place that your opinion on these characters matters is on YOUR blog, not mine. If you don't like my blog, that's okay! You don't have to follow me, and you can even block me if you want. But I came to Tumblr because I wanted a safe, positive environment to rant about my life, my interests and see other people's work that are also interested in the things I like. I didn't come here to cater to other people's likes and interests, only my own.

For example, I don't like reading fics with A/B/O dynamics, but if I stumble across one on here or Ao3, I'm not gonna go out of my way to make someone feel bad about writing it. They're probably very proud of their work, and because of that they wanted to share it with people that are interested, so it's not my place to say they can't do that or put them down for it. It takes so much more effort for me to make someone else feel bad and maybe even start hating the thing they made that they're proud of than it does for me to just say "oh, that's not my thing, whatever" and scroll past it.

So, I know this was long and you probably didn't read it all. Hell, you probably only sent this ask to me to get some kind of reaction and it kinda pains me to be giving it to you. But you need to understand what I'm saying. We don't have to agree on characters, because at the end of the day, I like what I like and you like what you like. That doesn't make either of us bad people, it just makes us different. But what DOES make you a bad person is that you came after me with the intention of being hurtful. Seeing an ask like this won't hurt me though, because I won't let it. I just hope that the next time you go to put an ask like this in someone's inbox, you think about it a little bit more. Tumblr is a wonderful place with wonderful people. Do we really want to muck that up by only focusing on the problems we make up to start shit for no reason? For me, the answer is no.

I hope you read all of this, and I hope you think about it long and hard, as well as about the type of person you want to be both on the internet and in real life. Either way, just remember that your ask didn't offend me, I'm just trying to teach you something with this answer.

Have a nice day.

[keanureevesisbae]

sugar sugar - the proposal

Summary: For their second year anniversary, Henry and Becky are going to Rome, Italy to celebrate. 

Sugar Daddy!Henry Cavill x Becky Kim (asian OFC)

Warnings: Slight Daddy kink

Wordcount: 2.5k

A/N: GUESS WHO’S GETTING MARRIED??? OUR FAVORITE COUPLE

Masterlist // Sugar Sugar Masterlist // Sugar Sugar the wedding Masterlist // 

September 23rd 8 p.m.

The sun in shining, the birds are chirping and the soft breeze brushes through my hair. This is Rome in September and I know that if I said to Henry I would want to go here every September, he’d arrange it for us.

Just like he did now, Henry would arrange the most beautiful presidential suite with a balcony, a jacuzzi and the softest bed you’ve ever slept on. Sometimes I’m afraid I’m getting too spoiled, but when I express my fears to him, he simply leans down, gives me a kiss and tells me I deserve it and should enjoy it.

To spend our second year anniversary in a city like Rome, is something I never imagined. I actually never imagined that I would ever spend an anniversary with someone. Not because I don’t have any faith in Henry and me, but more because I never thought I’d be in a loving relationship, long enough to spend these types of anniversaries together.

The two of us decided that the day we met, would be our anniversary date.

September 23rd. Two years ago we met. Two years ago he changed my life forever and I changed his.

Henry holds my hand tightly in his. ‘I love you,’ he says, kissing the back of my hand.

I chuckle. ‘I love you too, honey. It’s been two years since we’ve met.’

‘Yeah,’ he says, ‘time flew by.’

‘It sure did,’ I say to him.

‘Not only have I gained the best archivist Midnight ever had, but I also got a beautiful girlfriend and I can now say that I’m the boyfriend of a New York Times Bestselling Author with an extra book deal.’

Even after we spend so much time together and we know each other so well, I still blush around him when he hands out compliments like that. ‘That’s so sweet,’ I say. ‘Where are we going?’

‘A nice place I rented. It’s I think a few minutes from here.’

‘You rented an entire place?’ I ask him.

‘Just one floor,’ he says with a shit eating grin on his face, the one he has recently discovered when he shamelessly flaunts his wealth in my face. I want to roll my eyes, but seeing Henry this confident and cocky and happy, makes me laugh as well.

After our first anniversary, a lot changed for the two of us. I still work in the archives, but mostly because I liked it there and it gave me plenty of time to not only work on my first book, but also on my second one. The following February, two weeks before my birthday, my book got released and not long after that, I reached the number three on the New York Times Bestselling list. My book reached number three! My debut novel. It’s unbelievable. It’s all thanks to the magnificent job Roger and his team has been doing to advertise my book to the public. I was never on Instagram, because I didn’t have a phone that would allow it and when I met Henry, I didn’t really think about it anymore. But now, I’m officially on Instagram and while it’s a bit weird, I still really enjoy to see the beautiful fan art and the stories of the readers about what my book did to them personally.

I moved out of my first apartment, since I was hanging around Henry’s place most of the time anyway. I mean, his place has the private gym and we added a sauna to it, because he didn’t forget my joke from a while ago. My pink and pastel influences are shattered around his place now and in his home office, we placed another desk, so we could work together.

Yes, we are that type of couple.

Despite our age gap, I barely notice it in our day to day life. He is in such good shape for someone who is only two years away from hitting fifty and he is really up to date with trends and technology. I mean, call me digital illiterate, because he had to show me how Instagram worked. I don’t want to say he’s old (because it’s obvious he is older than me), but I thought that eventually I would notice the difference in age.

I don’t.

It’s just that sometimes he says something about his grayish hairs, how he isn’t in the best shape anymore and how he needs to watch his food, after a check up. Honestly, I don’t see his “bad” shape. I only fall more and more in love with him. Besides, the second he becomes a complete silver fox, is also the second I will jump him every chance I get.

‘Thank you for taking me to Rome,’ I say. ‘I can’t wait to travel to even more countries with you. I’m such a lucky woman. All those beautiful places in the world, right at my finger tips. Isn’t that amazing?’

‘It sure is.’

‘Is there a place in the world you want to see?’

‘Well, as long as you are there with me, I’d love any place. Besides, I did my fair share of traveling, I’ve seen a lot. It doesn’t matter to me.’

‘You don’t mind that I’m awfully inexperienced with traveling?’

He scoffs. ‘No, of course not. It makes the experience even better. That way I can show you all the beautiful places in the world and see your surprised face.’

We walk into a restaurant and the waiter escorts us to the elevator. We go up and we actually get out on the roof. My mouth falls open, before I squeal. ‘Honey, this is fantastic.’ I give him a kiss and the two of us walk towards the table. He helps me in my seat, before he sits across from me. He pours in some wine for me.

‘You like it?’ he asks.

‘Of course. Everything you arrange for me I love.’ I look over my shoulder, to see the waiter has left. ‘I love what you do for me, daddy.’

He bites his lip. ‘I’m going to sound like a broken record, baby girl, but I love it when you call me like that.’

‘I know.’ I look around, admiring the view and say: ‘Thank you for arranging this for us.’

‘I want the best for my baby girl,’ he says with a smile. ‘Only the best.’ He holds out his hand and I place mine in it. ‘You know, I sometimes can’t believe I actually met you.’

‘Why not?’

‘Well, when I signed up, I only did it because I didn’t want to be alone anymore. Never in a million years I expected myself falling head over heels with you, when the two of us were only supposed to have a sugar daddy/baby thing. But you were just amazing, kind and caring. Beautiful, considerate and funny. I remember when I first laid my eyes on you. I thought to myself: this could actually be it. This could be the woman I’ll fall for and for me to love endlessly.’

That… Is so sweet.

‘I kept thinking about every pro and con. While our personalities matched, you were a lot younger than I were. While I finally had someone who I can give the life she deserves, there is a possibility she’ll never see me as more than just a sugar daddy. It was difficult, because you were more than a sugar baby to me, though I tried to deny that multiple times. The relief I felt when you and I… That we have what we have. That you stayed when I needed you and vice versa.’

I smile. ‘Of course I did, silly. I have never felt this about someone ever before nor will I ever feel about this about anyone.’

Henry nods. ‘I want to spend the rest of my life with you,’ he says. ‘I want us to build a future together. I want to buy a house with you, have a dog and tons of kids with you, though it has to be an even number. But before we do that, there is just one thing I need to ask you.’

Henry gets up from the chair, searches his pocket and I see he has a blush pink velvet box in his hand.

Is this what I think it is?

‘My sweet Becky,’ he says, sitting down on one knee, ‘it’d be such an honor if you would become my wife, that you are gonna be mrs. Cavill. Baby girl, will you marry me?’

He reveals such a delicate and beautiful ring to me.

Maybe, maybe, I’m experiencing some shock. I knew that Henry would propose to me one day, he literally told me so many times that he’d propose, but now that it’s happening, I just can’t believe it.

‘Really?’

He smiles. ‘Really, my love. There is no one else in the world I’d want to spend the rest of my life with. You are the only one. My only one.’

I place my shaking hand in front of my lips. ‘Yes,’ I whisper. ‘Yes, yes, yes, a million times yes. I want to marry you, Henry.’

He takes the ring from the little box, before gently sliding it on my finger. I look at it for a few seconds, before I wrap my arms around his shoulders.

‘We’re engaged?’ I ask him.

‘Yes, baby, we’re engaged.’

I press my lips on his, as tears of joy and happiness drip down my face. I’m gonna get married.

‘Oh yeah, our Becky is engaged!’ I look over my shoulder to see Genevieve, Viola, Noah and Greg rushing up to me and is that Gino I see, with Peter from the boutique?

‘Show me the ring,’ Viola says and I hold out my hand.

Noah lets out a whistle. ‘Damn, mister Cavill.’

Gino gives me a big hug and two kisses on my cheeks. ‘Congratulations, darling.’

I can’t believe Henry flew out our friends to Italy, but it totally seems like something he would do. I bet he arranged a private jet for them and the best hotel.

‘We’re getting married,’ Genevieve shouts.

‘Technically, sweetheart,’ Greg says, ‘it’s Becky that is getting married.’

Genevieve rolls her eyes. ‘Well, Viola and I are gonna be bridesmaids and we’re going to plan a wedding. The ring is absolutely beautiful. Really, Henry, you need to help out Greg when he wants to propose to me.’

Henry chuckles, wrapping an arm around my shoulder. ‘I’ll help him out when the time is right, Gen.’ He kisses my temple and says: ‘How about we celebrate?’

✤ ✤ ✤

I keep staring at my ring, mainly because it’s the most beautiful thing I have ever seen and it’s mine. While Henry’s checking the locks, I’m already in bed. This ring still takes my breath away. It’s gorgeous and I bet it was expensive.

‘There she is,’ Henry says, as he walks in the bedroom in just his boxers. ‘My beautiful fiancée.’

‘I am sure it’ll take awhile before I get used to that,’ I say.

Henry steps underneath the covers and ushers me over. ‘But you’ll always be my baby girl,’ he says. ‘Even when you become my wife.’

I hum in content, as I nestle myself against him, in his strong embrace. ‘Just like you’ll always be my daddy,’ I whisper. I place my head on his thick arm, so I can look up at him and still stare at his handsome face. ‘We need to start planning a wedding. When do you want to get married?’

‘I don’t mind,’ he says. ‘We could even elope.’

‘We’re never going to elope,’ I say. ‘Don’t you ever say that again. I deserve a wedding. Back in juvie, both times, I’d envision myself getting married, buying a house, having a family and growing older with someone. I owe it to teen Becky to have a fantastic wedding.’

He chuckles. ‘Okay, we will not elope. What did you think about back then?’

‘A spring wedding outside,’ I say, ‘with pink blossom trees around us. A tent or a large cabin or something where we’ll get married and afterwards, people can dance, eat and talk to each other. A Photo Booth for people to make pictures on. Disposable camera’s on the tables and a photographer. My friends and their family are there, your friends. I want it to be intimate, but not too small, like maybe fifty to seventy people. I want a wedding dress on the tighter side, but I have never tried on wedding dresses, so I might be surprised. But I want to dress to have little illusion sleeves, a veil and a hairband with diamonds.’

Henry nods in approval. ‘Sounds lovely and that can all be arranged. What do you want me to wear?’

‘Champagne colored suit,’ I say. ‘The bridesmaids dresses could be in a pastel color. Okay, who am I kidding? I want those dresses to be pink.’

‘Of course.’ He lets out a content sigh. ‘We can arrange all sorts of things. Whatever you want for the wedding, it’s yours.’

‘And I want the date and each other’s names engraved in the inside of the ring.’

‘I love that.’ Henry gives me a kiss on my forehead. ‘A lot to plan, but also a lot to look forward to. I cannot wait to call you my wife.’

‘Oh, me neither. And then after that, we can start our life together as a married couple.’

‘At least four kids, right?’ Henry jokes.

‘At least,’ I say in all seriousness.

‘Why don’t you want an uneven number?’

I scrunch up my nose. ‘Because I come from a family of uneven number. I don’t want that. I know, it’s stupid, but…’

‘It’s not stupid, it’s understandable,’ he says. ‘So, for imaginary sake, let’s say you and I have five kids.’

‘Damn.’

‘Imaginary sake, baby girl, remember that,’ he snickers. ‘And then we have twins, making it seven.’

‘We’ll go for the eighth,’ I say to him. ‘Really, Henry.’

He laughs. ‘Wow, you’re quite something.’

‘You’re up for it?’

‘With you? Of course. I can’t wait to have multiple mini you’s and me’s running around to place.’ He pulls me closer and says: ‘You’ll be an amazing mother, I just know it.’

‘And you’ll be an amazing dad.’ I circle my finger around his chest. ‘Would you mind if I stopped working as your archivist and become a stay at home mom, who also writes?’

He shakes his head. ‘Of course I don’t mind. Whatever you want, I support you.’

‘You don’t think it’s weird?’

He frowns. ‘Why would I think it’s weird? Honestly, baby girl, if you wanted to become a career woman, I’d support it. If you want to become a stay at home mom, I also support it. No matter what you do, I’m your biggest supporter and fan.’ He gives me a sweet peck on my lips. ‘Don’t you worry about those things, okay?’

‘Okay,’ I whisper, already a bit more at ease. ‘You know, it has always been my dream to become a mother.’

‘Really?’

‘Yeah,’ I say. ‘It’s just that I figured I’d never meet someone who I wanted kids with. With the dysfunctional family I’m from, I wanted a partner who I could trust and rely on. And that partner is you, Henry. My future husband.’

✤ ✤ ✤

[det-loki]

poison & wine pt. one

 “I know everything you don’t want me to.”

warnings: angst, cursing

pairing: detective loki x fem reader

word count: 1,378

A/N: I’ve read and reread what seems like every detective loki fic and I’ve decided it’s my turn. I’m still relatively new with writing series, but I’m very proud of this. Enjoy, feedback is greatly appreciated! (if you find a grammar mistake, let me know)

REWRITE MASTERLIST

⌽  2  3  4  5  6

You hated the rain. It was cold and wet, always sending a bone-chilling cold through you. It reminded you of too many bad memories. Hospitals, pain, and blood. Yet all it seemed to do in Conyers was rain.

You sat across from Loki while you were toying with your fried rice inside of the vacant restaurant. This was yours and Loki’s spot, always seeming to end up here at least once a week for the past five years. You grew to hate the food but it was a constant in yours and Loki’s life and you refused to mess that up. Too many memories have been made in this shitty restaurant, good and bad.

 Neither you nor David cared much for Thanksgiving and you couldn’t be bothered to cook for just the two of you. It was too depressing, so Chinese food it was. The waitress came to your table with the check and hot tea, Loki reaching for the check before you could. Not once has he ever let you pay for a meal. Even when he could barely afford socks. 

“Happy Thanksgiving, detectives.” You wondered if she was waiting on you two to leave for her to go home to relax and celebrate the holiday. You felt bad, considering you and Loki were the only ones there, like usual.

Loki mutters a ‘thanks’ into his coffee cup before continuing, “Do you have any of the fortune-cookie things?”

The waitress looks at Loki with a smirk, “My boss told me cops don’t like fortune cookies.” Classic. 

David looks down at the zodiac placemat, “What year were you born? Are you a dragon, or a snake, a horse, or a sheep?”

“I’m a monkey.” The waitress ogled David who was barely paying attention to her. You knew he would never act on her advances, he was too caught up in whatever the two of you were. Lovers, roommates, co-workers, family. He was everything to you and vice versa. 

Both you and Loki look down to read, Loki responds, “Oh, you’re a monkey. You’re very intelligent. You have the ability to influence people. Think maybe you could influence your boss to lower the check a little bit?” He was flirting. Sometimes you thought that he doesn’t even know he’s doing it. It’s how he charmed you all those years ago. Both of you young and dumb; too young to know any better or any different.

The waitress brings you out of your head, “No, I cannot. My boss is a rooster.”

Again, both you and Loki look down to inspect as the waitress walks away. Selfish and eccentric. Nice, reminds me of Captain O’Malley.

Loki looks at you with a genuine smile before asking, “What’s your zodiac? I forget.” You loved it when he smiled, he didn’t do it enough. You couldn’t really blame him though, neither did you. 

“Well, considering it’s tattooed on your hand, I feel like you should remember. I’m a horse also a cancer, whichever way you want to look at it.” He had gotten the tattoos a month after it.

Loki laughs and looks down again, “Energetic, passionate, and aspirant. I’d say that’s pretty accurate for you.”

You laugh, “Yeah, what’s yours?” You already knew the answer, it was tattooed into your skin years ago along with two other zodiac symbols next to it. Never allowing you to abandon Conyers or David. You were forever tied to it all, inked permanently.

Loki looks at you, his eyes teasing, “I’m gonna give you the same line. Considering it’s tattooed on your collarbone, I feel like you should remember.”

Before you could respond, both yours and Loki’s phones interrupt with a call. Two missing girls, fuck.

The rain is coming down in sheets as you step out of Loki’s car. You pull your raincoat tighter as you follow David to the RV that was called in surrounded by cops at the edge of the woods.

You take your radio out of your pocket, “13-40 and 13-43 engaging with the suspect. Be advised.”

You creep along with Loki towards the RV as the driver revs the engine, tail lights flashing red against you. The RV violently backs up, Loki instructing everyone to not shoot. The driver changes gears, driving forward and slamming into a tree. You advance forward, gun in hand along with a flashlight. Arriving at the door of the RV, Loki takes your flashlight, “Stay here, keep watch.”

Loki entered the vehicle while you and other officers stood by, waiting. The door opens violently, Loki throwing the suspect out. The man stumbles as Loki takes hold of his jacket, dragging him further into the woods. You followed silently, letting David handle him. He never was gentle with cases when children were involved.

Loki yelled at the man with no response, only a blank stare. David shoved him forward, falling at your feet, “What the fuck is this guy on?”

 You take his forearm and haul him to his feet, instructing an officer to take him to the station while David called out for someone to call PSP. This case was already bad. Fear, and pain already settling into your bones. 

You sat in the interrogation room while Loki had the suspect, Alex Jones, backed against a corner. The interrogation had been going on for 2 hours and nothing useful has been said and Loki was getting impatient. You could see it in the way he squinted his eyes and the tension in his shoulders. He needed a break before he exploded.

“Detective, let me try. Take a break.” Loki looks over his shoulder at you, frustrated. He knew you were right but he didn’t want to give up. With a hard sigh, he left the room. Alex visibly relaxed as Loki left.

You had your suspicions about Alex’s cognitive abilities by the way he was speaking, you wouldn’t be able to confirm until the psychologist arrived. Your best bet was to speak as if you were speaking to a child, “Alex, would you like to sit down with me?”

Alex nodded his head, slowly shuffling towards the chair sat across from you. He visibly trembled as he sat down.

“Alex, is it okay with you if I ask you some questions?”

Alex only nodded, “What were you doing today with the RV?”

Alex speaks softly, voice cracking, “Just driving.”

You sigh, “Yeah, I like drives. Was today a special day to drive?” You did not like drives, you preferred not to. David had always been the driver between the two of you. 

Alex shakes his head no. You couldn’t help but feel bad for the boy. He had no idea what was going on, however, you quickly shoved that thought down, he was a suspect in the case of two missing little girls.

“Okay Alex, I’m going to step out for a minute to give you a break, I know this is all different and scary. Let me know if you need anything.” With that, you left the room. You turned towards the interrogation viewing room door where you knew Loki already was watching your questioning.

As soon as you step foot in the room, Loki snaps at you, “What was that? You were too soft, we won’t get anywhere with that.”

You scoff. David was good at his job but he had a habit of going too far, “No, I wasn’t. You scaring him speechless isn’t going to get us anywhere either. Let me do my job the way I need to and I’ll let you do yours.”

Loki knew you were right so instead of protesting, he went to go talk to the forensics team, leaving you alone in the room with your thoughts. This case was going to be bad for the both of you, you already knew that. You needed to keep your head on straight and keep composure, if you didn’t, this case was going to consume and eat you alive. It was bound to happen, your good luck as partners was going to run out one day and you hoped this case wasn’t it. 

You walk back to your desk in hopes to find David when you look outside to see it’s still raining. Stupid fucking rain. 

Taglist: @lexie-wayland  @whew-oh-em-gee​ @winterlavenderskysworld​ @buck-this-nasty @heeyirenee 

[myevilmouse]

2020 Fic Year In Review

This disaster year was my second of writing fanfic for the Star Wars fandom, focused as always on my handsome Jedi and charismatic Grand Admiral.  Here’s the same thing I did last year:  basically share the idea of the fic I wanted to write and the result of what came out of that idea.

Because I don’t outline or plan, it is often as much a surprise to me as to my readers as to where the story winds up.  But I enjoy the magic that is surrendering to the muse / autonomous typing hands, so I doubt that will change anytime soon.

Context:  2020 began with the fic whining circle’s discussion of the sad dearth of blowjobs for Luke Skywalker in fandom.  We resolved to remedy this with the creation of the Luke Deserves All The Blowjobs Challenge, our 12-month mission to provide our man with 12 blowjobs, detailed lovingly for your (and his) pleasure.  We all agreed to contribute and so my first offering was:

1.    Anomaly

Idea:  In 2019, I participated in the Star Wars Rare Pairs Fic Exchange.  Shanlyrical had requested the pairing of Guri/Luke, which I’d never considered.  I didn’t get assigned that one (I got assigned Thrawn/Original Art Forger), but the idea stayed with me.  The blowjob challenge was the perfect opportunity.

Result:  A one-shot I am quite proud of, written from droid POV attempting to seduce our Jedi (who is quite difficult to seduce damn his perfect ass), full of technical and cyborgian terminology.  Since shanlyrical had put the ship in my brain, it was gifted to her.

2.  Comfortable

Idea:  Write an “old married Skywalkers” smutfic for a Valentine’s Day gift to my Luke/Mara cohorts.

Result:  A rather florid one-shot that is overstuffed with choice adjectives and bursting at the seams with love for my Jedi’s happy ever after.

3.  The Problem With Prophecy

Idea:  Write a Thrawn/Pryce fic for the Thryce Discord’s Valentine’s Day.  The prompts shifted, from “blind date” to “soulmates” or maybe vice versa as a theme.  I had already started it when the prompt changed so made them both work.

Result:  Another “how they got together fic” (of which I seem to write many for Thryce) that was a lot of fun to write, with a little contemplation about free will vs destiny in there.

4.  Proxy

Idea:  The Luke Deserves All The Blowjobs Challenge needed more fic, and no one wrote that Asajj Ventress/Luke pairing I had requested for SW rarepairs 2019… *cracks knuckles*  If you want something done, gotta do it yourself!

Result:  This was an interesting challenge.  Whilst I typically attempt to create scenarios for Luke to bang all the ladies that are SOMEWHAT realistic, I decided the only way to make this happen was to assume whatever plot was required to set this up had already occurred, so it starts *cough* right before the action, so to speak.  I also sort of low-key ship Ventress/Kenobi (what is that called?  Ventrobi?) so operated throughout with the idea that since she couldn’t have Obi-Wan, she was settling for another Jedi as a plaything.  Since I used only pronouns for Ventress in the fic, I suppose the reader could imagine any wicked woman or Nightsister or whomever on the other end of Luke’s cock, but in my brain it’s Asajj and she is a lucky woman (and Luke is a lucky man).  Anyway, it was probably one of my least popular fics this year but I still like it!

5.  Thranto 400 Works Celebration Ficlet (Ch 3:  Everything To Lose)

Idea:  @jessko-fic​  asked me to contribute to this collection to commemorate the Thrawn/Vanto ship hitting 400 works on AO3.  Me:  Slash?!?!

Result:  I don’t write slash in general because I just…don’t really enjoy it, doesn’t float my boat or melt my butter, although so often I wish that weren’t the case.  I have read a lot of Thranto thanks to Jess’s evil influence though, and thought I could tackle this ship.  I wanted to write something exactly 400 words for the 400 works thing, and the result was a little “missing scene” that I hope was true to the spirit of the collection while also slotting into Thrawn and Eli’s storyline.

6.  Creativity

Idea:  For The May The Fourth fic exchange, try to hit my giftee’s likes and stuff as many MacGyver-inspired easter eggs as possible into the story.

Result:  14 “original series” MacGyver-isms crammed into this thing, including winks and nods to names and dates, and  plenty of Luke and Mara banter to accompany the mission. One of my most researched fics this year and one of the most fun to write!  And my giftee loved it, which is the best result possible.

7.  Physical Graffiti

Idea:  Agreed to a one-on-one fic exchange with @jessko-fic​, since we never get matched in “regular” exchanges.  She requested Luke x Sabine, which tied in perfectly to my never-ending goal of Luke x All The Ladies.

Result:  A (hopefully) sexy multi-chapter that required a lot of research on timelines to get them together for this “missing scene” and Mandalorian stuff.  My septuagenarian mom has proclaimed it’s her favorite of any of my stories, so I call it a success.  O_O  Yes, she reads my fic.

8.  Strangers When We Meet

Idea:  Write a reader-insert fic for @enmudecer​.  I love setting challenges for myself, and writing a smutty reader insert was something entirely new to tackle.

Result:  I think reader inserts sometimes get a bad name but they can be a lot of fun.  I avoided the (y/n) convention because I find it pulls me out of the story, tried hard to keep it gender neutral, and hopefully everyone who reads it can feel like they just banged Luke Skywalker 😉 Also I have a long-standing goal of writing songfic, and while I didn’t do it here, at least the title is from a Bowie song that seemed appropriate.  So not just my first reader-insert, my first song-titled-fic!

9.  Infectious

Idea:  The Thryce Discord, and in particular @handsofthrawn​, had been asking/lobbying me for ages about writing a quarantine fic since the world was in lockdown.

Result:  Well, this is what I achieved this year, when I look back at what I accomplished.  My longest fic ever, and a particularly ambitious premise of getting from an awkward, miserable (and hopefully realistic) fuck-or-die scenario to a happy ever after for my evil OTP.  I unashamedly love this story and I’m so happy and grateful to the readers who loved it with me—their comments and kudos gave me life when the stress of reality made me want to curl into a defensive little ball and hide for the rest of the year.

10.  Evilmousetober 2020

Idea:  I couldn’t choose what X-tober prompts to use for my October drabbles this year, so I used whatever felt right that day.

Result:  A compilation of my tumblr drabbles from various October prompts.

11. Dis Manibus

Idea:  I am not going to write this fic.  I am not going to write this fic.  Crack and ridonc and no way is there any conceivable way it would work.  And then I wrote it.  The basic concept as my muse nagged me was to write the “nightmare comfort” trope with Luke and Pryce.  WHY?! I HAVE NO IDEA I DON’T CONTROL THIS BITCH.  Anyway, the idea wouldn’t go away.

Result:  This fic is the perfect exhibit of how I never know what the heck is going to happen when I start writing.  Everything was a surprise to me, including the Thryce element to what was SUPPOSED to be a Luke/Pryce fic.  Also I didn’t get the smut I wanted.  *curses*  But I like it anyway and it worked, timing-wise, for Halloween-y themes.

12.  Alone Time

Idea:  After swearing not to write fic for the rest of the year, @contentment-of-cats​ put out her Merry Chissmas bingo card and my ambitious ass decided to try to knock every single prompt out with a one-shot.

Result:  Thrawn jerking off in the shower and thinking verrrrrry naughty things.  I apologize for nothing.

So in 2019 I wrote 26 fics and this year only got to about 12…but fanfic is for fun, and we all needed fun this year.  I enjoyed writing for you and I hope you enjoyed reading my output.  I look forward to providing more smexy silly and strange fic for you in 2021.  <3

[zoe-dinh]

Shameless Media: A Start-up's Guide To Digital Stakeholder Engagement

OVERVIEW

Today’s businesses exist in a world where everything is rapidly changing. How organisations communicate with stakeholders, and vice versa, have been transformed by the digital age.

Not only are stakeholders powerful and tech-savvy, thanks to digital media, they now also have direct contact with companies and organisations 24/7 (Ozer 2020).

Companies therefore are much more accountable for their conduct and value (Tench & Yeomans 2017). This can either play to their advantage, or hinder it in a critical way.

As such, businesses need to foster relationships with stakeholders by leveraging the power of digital media. The goal is to have a community of people who support the organisation, who resonates with the brand’s value and message.

An example of modern organisations championing this is Shameless Media. Utilising digital media, Shameless engages with their stakeholders through strategic branding and content marketing.

How can we capture people’s hearts and minds in an attention economy? Let’s learn from this millennial start-up.

CASE STUDY: SHAMELESS MEDIA

Profile

Shameless Media (SM) is a millennial gen Z’s destination for all things digital content. Operated in Melbourne by a team of five young women, the company was founded in 2019 by writers Zara McDonald and Michelle Andrews.

Although relatively young, the podcast venture has accumulated a consumer base of over 20 million listeners, plus a growing community of 220,000+ followers across Facebook, Instagram and LinkedIn. SM also recently created a brand-new agency for content creators and influencers, The Sana Agency.

Stakeholders

Since its inception, the podcast has not had a single episode that has not been sponsored (Forbes 2021). More notably, Shameless listenership is overwhelmingly 94.7% women in their 20s (Gillezeau 2021).

SM's key stakeholder groups thus include:

1. Consumers: audiences, readers, listeners; and

2. Sponsors: collaborators, business partners.

Current digital operations

PLATFORMS

1. Podcast

At first glance: Eye-catching cover. Good tag line (“The pop culture podcast for smart people who love dumb stuff”). Almost always seen in the Top Charts.

My thoughts: I was surprised to discover how new the podcast is. Its popularity, large growing number of listeners and content quality make Shameless seem a lot more established.

Open and honest, the hosts are not afraid to let audience knows where they stand on critical issues (feminism, politics, climate change etc.). New episodes are regularly scheduled which is good for audience retention.

As a consumer, I am drawn to the show/company for their seeming authenticity and relatability. Not to mention the well-balanced research that allows audience to form their own opinions without being spoon-fed. 10/10 recommend.

2. Website

At first glance: Layout is easy to look at. Visually appealing. All relevant info seems to be there.

My thoughts: Nice design, but not as much interactivity as I would have liked. When I tried looking for more information on the founders and organisation, something like an About Us section for example, there was none. Neither was there any resource or material on the business side of things (annual reports or data analytics or anything of the sorts).

One may excuse this considering the age of the organisation. However, I believe SM might benefit from a website update or revamp. It will certainly be helpful for those like me who are curious, who do research on the firm and would therefore like more access to information.

3. Instagram

At first glance: Quite large following. Relatively high audience engagement. Content layout not my personal taste, but appealing overall.

My thoughts: Shameless has great social media presence, especially on Instagram. The company made good efforts in interacting with followers. There are the ‘Your say Fridays’, polls and Q&A every other day on Stories. Users regularly comment on posts (memes, podcast updates & announcement), and many get replies from admin.

Overall, Shameless is doing very well with social media engagement and audience interactions.

4. Facebook

At first glance: Not much to see/do as this is a private group. Nice cover image though.

My thoughts: Large community of readers of nearly 34,000 members. The group has been active since 2019. While discussion threads cannot be publicly viewed, those interested in the content can find related episodes on the Shameless podcast.

Over on Instagram, there are links in bio to the book-selling site for each month’s pick. Makes me wonder whether or not these are affiliate links.

5. LinkedIn

At first glance: Small-to-medium sized following. Appealing visuals, though not too much information.

My thoughts: I have seen the Shameless LinkedIn profile before, but has only started following them recently. The account is not too active, the latest post was from a few months ago. Perhaps this is because the content that circulates on LinkedIn often revolves around business culture, not the usual focus by SM. Most of the posts thus far are general announcement and job openings.

In the future, SM might be benefit from a more active LinkedIn page, so as to not only attract new audience and potential talents, but also to establish their presence more firmly among competitors in the corporate world.

DIGITAL STAKEHOLDER ENGAGEMENT

The corporate brand is constantly being co-created by organisation with their stakeholders. Dialogical communication is said to enhance this along with corporate reputation (Gundolf et al. 2018; Ozer 2020; Rosenberg & Seager 2017).

In reality, what might this look like?

From tactics to dialogic communication in digital media, let’s look at how SM has been engaging with stakeholders.

Dialogical communication in digital media

Tactics

Potential areas of improvement

Lack of strategy

Upscaling the business

Other types of content, especially video

CONCLUSION

So far, leveraging social media has helped Shameless achieve their goal and stay true to their brand. “Win their niche, core audience, nurture specific community of mostly young working women” (Gillezeau 2021).

The company’s success is in no small way thanks to the relationship they have with their audience. SM has intimate understandings of what the audience wants, and are able to deliver it.

This is in large part due to the founders being in the same demographics as their audience. As McDonald put it, “[W]e wanted to tap into a younger demographic that we thought were generally being ignored by mainstream media” (Forbes 2021), which explains the company slogan.

“We make content for ourselves, our mates, and you”.

Branding and content wise, SM is doing a good job capitalising on the trends, particularly with interactive content, content marketing, and online content communities (Clark-Keane 2021; Thomson 2019).

Yet, it is also important to note the fortunate position SM finds themselves in. As a millennial start-up, they are already advantaged by having skills in digital media and technologies.

Nonetheless, through forces of strategic digital communication, Shameless Media has been successfully engaging with their stakeholders through a combination of clever branding and content marketing.

---

REFERENCES

Clark-Keane, C. 2021, ‘7 Content Marketing Trends to Watch in 2021’, Wordstream, https://www.wordstream.com/blog/ws/2020/11/23/content-marketing-trends

Forbes, T. 2021, ‘How I Do It: Shameless Media’s Zara McDonald and Michelle Andrews on building their empire’, Fashion Journal, https://fashionjournal.com.au/life/how-i-do-it-shameless-media/

Gillezeau, N. 2021, ‘Shameless Media: The podcast start-up that’s rejecting big offers’, Australian Financial Review, https://www.afr.com/companies/media-and-marketing/how-they-built-it-shameless-media-20210330-p57fbu

Gundolf, K., Jaouen, A. & Gast, J. 2018, ‘Motives for strategic alliances in cultural and creative industries’, Creative Innovation Management, vol. 27, pp. 148-160, DOI: 10.1111/caim.12255

Johnston, J. & Rowney, K. 2019, ‘Social networks’, Media Strategies: Managing Content, Platforms and Relationships, Taylor & Francis, Sydney, pp. 75-103.

Kim, K. 2021, ‘How to make sure you’re marketing to Gen Z the right way’, Sprout Social, https://sproutsocial.com/insights/marketing-to-gen-z/

Ozer, D. 2020, ‘Organisations’ use of social media from the perspective of dialogical communications and marketing-oriented public relations’, In B.O. Aydin, S. Gurbuz & O, Dugan (eds.), Public Relations in the Networked Publics, Peter Lang, Frankfurt, pp. 211-235.

Rosenberg, M. & Seager, P. H. 2017, ‘The Big Picture: Four Trend that Change Everything’, Managing Media Businesses, Retrieved from ProQuest EBook Central, DOI 10.1007/978-3-319-52021-6_1

Smart Insights 2020, ‘7 ways to reach and influence millennials using social media marketing’, https://www.smartinsights.com/social-media-marketing/social-media-strategy/7-ways-to-reach-millennials-through-social-media-marketing/

Tench, R. & Yeomans, L. 2017, ‘Exploring Public Relations’, Global Strategic Communication, Pearson Education, Harlow, Available from: ProQuest EBook Central (14 August 2021).

Thomson, C. 2019, ‘Top Marketing Trends For 2020’, Forbes, https://www.forbes.com/sites/forbesagencycouncil/2019/10/03/top-marketing-trends-for-2020/#6889ba113d5d

-END-

[goodshipsherlollipop]

Self-interview (but not really)

When I heard about @sherlollyappreciationweek hosting a self-interview event, I thought it would be fun to participate, so people could get to know me better as an author.  But, instead of doing a self-interview, I approached some of my readers and asked them to pose questions for me to answer.

I’m not aiming at making this about me personally.  It’s all about me as an author.  If you want to know about who I really am outside of my writing, feel free to chat with me privately.

The name of the person asking the questions will precede each section. As this interview is rather long, I will do it in two parts.

MossRose10

Q: What personal experiences or skills (in broad strokes), besides your faith, have influenced what you write about for your characters?

A: I know I see Molly differently than most people, in a more wholesome way.  When I look at her character on the show, she doesn't seem the type to have a long sexual history, but instead, seems to be someone who has devoted her life to becoming the best pathologist she can be.  I adore her character, and to be honest, I put a lot of my own traits into her - including her love of singing and faith.  My post TFP Sherlock has had his true nature restored by the events of Sherrinford.  Thus, he is emotionally stable and able to love Molly deeply. I can write him that way because I happen to have a romantic, loving husband (lucky me!). A lot of times in my married stories, I draw on experiences I've had that I have fictionalized for the characters.  I usually refer to these in author’s notes.  I also love writing about their children, and put a lot of thought and personal experience into writing for them from watching my own daughters grow.

As for the other characters, I just write them the way I feel reflects their personalities best from what I’ve observed in the show, working on fleshing out their characters more as I’ve continued 3 years worth of storyline beyond TFP. For example, my version of Mycroft has mellowed a lot and married Lady Smallwodd, and John has also become a Christian and is remarried with a son.

Q: What kinds of characters do you find most challenging to write, and what strategies do you use to write them?

A: I don’t think I necessarily have a lot of issues in writing the canon characters because I have watched the show so many times I feel I know them personally.  Probably the most challenging thing is writing for OC’s or peripheral characters I may have brought into a story that we haven't seen a lot of (like Billy Wiggins or Philip Anderson).  I must admit, I have written very little about Moriarty, because most of my stories take place after his death.

dmollyc

Q: What character is hardest to write?

A:  I kind of  addressed this one in the above answer, but I do think I'd find it difficult to write for Moriarty because I'm not sure how well I could get into the psyche of a deranged madman!

Q: Do you get any nasty reviews?

A: Thankfully, not many. Most of the negative ones are people reacting to a story out of context.  They will read a story in the middle of my chronological timeline and then complain that the characters are OOC.  When I write my continuing stories, I assume that people are familiar with the characters as I’ve written them already, so this can cause confusion.

Because of the Christian themes, I have lost readers who object to the theology I present through my characters. Obviously, I will not please everybody.

But generally speaking, people are very kind about my work when they review it, and I especially love the reviewers who immerse themselves into my world of Sherlock and Molly and embrace my post-TFP version of them.

Q: What do you like best about your stories?

A: Probably what I like best is that I've found a unique niche in the fandom in creating a whole Christian theme, and writing a lot of different stories with the same theme.  I've not seen anyone else doing that (although I'd love to see it done by others).

I enjoy writing my own continuing post-TFP happy ending for Sherlock and Molly, expanding their universe and that of the other characters from Sherlock as well.

Also, I enjoy showing Molly as someone with a belief in saving herself for marriage.  It's not going to be a popular idea for the general population, but I know many Christians can relate to that desire to keep sex for that special someone rather than experimenting with every boyfriend they date.  

I also think I do a pretty good job in writing love scenes that are steamy, but still clean, although I’m aware that some readers are more sensitive who find them too steamy.  I write using my own inner guide for how far to take things in the bedroom.  Some stories are definitely steamier than others, but there are certain graphic terms I will never use in my writing because I feel they cross the line of my own comfort zone.

Chelseamh98

Q: How have you overcome the challenges of your vision impairment?

A: This is definitely an ongoing process for me.  When I began writing, my proofreading would just consist of looking over the chapter a couple times to try to errors. I have issues when typing on my iPad because of the flat keyboard surface.  That means I often type a word incorrectly.  To help compensate for that, I have hundreds of words in my “text replacement” section, so that certain words I often mis-type automatically correct to the right word.  I have a bad tendency to hit the M instead of N or vice versa, for example.  A few months after I began publishing, someone suggested I use a text-to-speech app to help me identify incorrectly spelled words.  That did help.  I copy a chapter into the text-to-speech app and watch my chapter in a split screen as I listen to the words.  That has been a big help.  Then, this year, I discovered a free website called prowritingaid, which I now use as another editing tool, and it identifies even more spelling and grammar errors.  So now I find myself writing, proofreading as I go along several times as I write.  When the chapter is finished and I am ready to publish, I do another visual read.  Then I use the prowritingaid site as another editing step. After that, I use the text-to-speech app and listen as I read.  Finally, I copy the whole thing into Google Docs, add italics and bold type and glance through the chapter again to see if Google Docs has discovered any more errors.  It's a very long process, believe me, and it takes so much longer to do the editing and proofreading than to write! For me, the writing part is easy!

Q: Does it (visual impairment) affect the way you write?

A:  Physically, yes.  I cannot use a computer, because I need to be inches away from the screen to see what I am doing.  Sometimes I will sit at a table and write, but usually, I put three cushions on my lap and sit my iPad on top.  Over time, that method has caused me to have pretty severe tendonitis, but I have no other way to write, and it's worth the pain to keep writing! Currently, I am also dealing with frozen shoulder as part of the physical issues.

Also, I have to enlarge my text to write.  I use the Colored Note app for my chapters, set to the maximum size of 36, and when I go into Google Docs, I set the size to 25 so I can read it.

Q: What part about writing do you find the most challenging? What’s the easiest?

A:  As I mentioned above, the most difficult part is definitely the editing/proofreading process because I have to work so much harder than a normally sighted person, and it takes up a huge chunk of time.

Also, I am very particular in trying to write realistic fiction whenever possible.  That means a ton of research. For example, in my story where Molly was shot, Confronting Evil and the Truth, I researched a lot about gunshot wounds and how to care for them.  In A Honeymoon Journey, my characters went to Stratford-upon-Avon, and I researched that location thoroughly for many of the chapters.  In my latest COVID-19 series, I have followed the pandemic closely in the UK and have added many real situations that have happened there.  Research, research, research!

The easiest part is definitely writing the story itself, especially dialogue.  I can hear the characters in my head telling me what to write.  I rarely suffer from writer’s block, unless I am trying to think about how to write a mystery or crime and how to resolve it.

Aslan's Princess

Q: Where do you find inspiration? Is it something specific? Or multiple things?

A: I find inspiration mainly in two areas.  First, from watching episodes over and over and analyzing them. Second, I also find inspiration in my own life, in bringing in real experiences I am familiar with (such as pregnancy and childbirth).  Occasionally I will read a story or a review where someone tells me something that sparks my imagination. My current WIP, The Good Book, was actually inspired by a gif-set one of my readers, Penelope Chestnut showed me.  It got me wondering what would happen if Sherlock suddenly discovered the Bible (shown in TBB) in his bookcase and decided he wanted some answers about the meaning of life.

Justwritebritt

Q: What drives you to keep writing?

A: Certainly, one of the most motivating factors is hearing from readers who enjoy my work.  Readers generally have no clue what kind of power they possess when it comes to encouraging a writer to keep going.  A pat on the back is always a good thing. I wish more people could understand that.

Aside from that, though, I feel a calling from God to keep writing. I like sharing my faith through Molly (and Sherlock). My hope is that people will find my stories inspiring and encouraging.

Q: What/Who can you absolutely not write without?

A:  I cannot write without my iPad.  I use it not only to write, but to research and to watch Sherlock on Netflix.  it's my all-in-one resource!

Q: What is your favorite story you've published so far?

A: I will always love A Journey to Love, Faith and Marriage, because it is the “mothership” from which all my other stories spring, but my writing technique was not great at the beginning; there’s an obvious improvement in later chapters.  But, I am also very fond of Sherlock’s Dream of What Might Have Been.  That one tells a story of Sherlock and Molly meeting in uni, and then jumps to the canon, inserting a secret relationship (and child) throughout the series canon. I put a lot of thought into filling in Season 4 backstory as well.

Q: What (in vague terms) story are you looking forward to telling next?

A: I have a few stories in the pipeline that I am looking forward to sharing.  One that steps away from the overt Christian themes is a Pretty Woman AU.  I haven't seen anyone attempt an AU for that movie, and I look forward to sharing it.  Perhaps it will spark interest with a few more readers because it isn't heavily weighted on the Christian theme scale, but is merely one of my more whimsical, creative story ideas. It is the first story I have written that combines elements from both a movie and the Sherlock narrative.

I also have a couple of one-shots that I will publish in the timeline of my WIP Journey to a New Home, one,that deals with the topic of divorce using a Biblical perspective, plus one that sheds light on the subject of depression.

End of Padt 1.

[margridarnauds]

Rip idk if I accidentally sent my last ask too early or it it got deleted before I sent it but anywho,, if you’re still bored and wanting to talk about Celtic lore, I’d love to here about grainne ni mhaille or Brigid of tuatha de danann? Alternately, what’s one of your fav stories?

I was in the middle of typing up a response and apparently SOMETHING happened to it because it totally disappeared on me. 

ANYWAY, 

I can talk about both of them, to different degrees. 

Gráinne was one of my first Irish research interests (Thank you The Pirate Queen, you…..interesting piece of media). That being said, I am VERY rusty when it comes to her, the main takeaway that I have being a very visceral reaction to the words “Anne Chambers” because…..suffice it to say….I have Things to say about her scholarship and the occasional sloppiness thereof, but I don’t think I brought my copy of her book on Gráinne with me, the school library is closed, and I generally don’t like to utterly eviscerate something without having it on hand. But I can say that her treatment of Donal O’Flaherty was bad, based purely off of wish fulfillment and her own attachment to Richard Burke, and that my personal reading of their marriage, which I will admit is just a READING, is that Donal and Gráinne actually had a fairly egalitarian marriage. 

Think of it. 

Gráinne, if we believe the legends, and the legends of her early life are very in keeping with what we know of her adult life, was truculent enough that she cut her hair short just to get on a ship. She was defiant, spirited, and ruthless to the core. (The woobification and victimization of Gráinne is something that is ANOTHER post, given that I feel like it does her a MASSIVE DISSERVICE). Donal….would have HAD to have known what he was getting into. And Donal was TÁNAISTE OF THE O’FLAHERTY SEPT. And, as I’ve discussed….that was not necessarily something he got just because his daddy was chieftain. That was something that was AGREED on. He was not a weak man, he was not a coward, and his cognomen was Donal AN CHOGAIDH, Donal OF THE BATTLES. But he seems to have fought his wars on land, Gráinne on sea. Together, they would have been one badass pair. In terms of NAMING, look at the names of their children. Owen - Same name as Gráinne’s father. Murrough - A common O’Flaherty name. And Margaret - Said by some sources to be the same name as Gráinne’s mother. And what was the name of Owen’s son? Donal. Now, there could be a NUMBER of reasons for this naming pattern, it could be nothing. But, what I believe at least is that it shows a certain level of cooperation between the two of them. I am NOT claiming it was a great love story, but I am claiming that what little evidence there is (and there can only be so much), indicates a certain level of respect, especially given that Gráinne, in general, was not the sort to tolerate fools. 

Chambers also claimed, incorrectly, that Donal killed his nephew, but a quick reading of the sources would have shown that it was his cousin, ALSO named Donal who did it. The patrynomics don’t lie on that one; it was Donal mac Ruari, “Donal of the Boats”, not Donal an Chogaidh who did it. 

But. Gráinne. I love talking Donal, but this is about Gráinne. 

Something that I feel really does get underplayed, probably in service of making her a Perfect Feminist Heroine™ (I am a feminist, don’t get me wrong! But my idea of feminism centers around the idea that women can be as fundamentally flawed as men, they can have the same quirks, the same corruption, and they do not have to be perfect, long suffering, soft, or forever victimized) IS that ruthlessness and pragmatism that really underlines her character. People play up her attacking her son Murrough as some kind of righteous fury against him for talking to the English while conveniently forgetting that Gráinne herself spent most of her life alternatively appeasing and attacking the English. She was not a Nationalist, she wasn’t a patriot. She was, however, a survivor, as were MANY of the Irish nobility at this time. Another example of a survivor from this period was Iníon Dubh, probably one of my favorite women in Irish history (though she herself was Scottish by birth), who did try to bargain with the English for the life of her son Hugh Roe by giving over some Spanish survivors of the Armada to English authorities. People (CHAMBERS) try to pin Murrough with the worst faults of his father, but I honestly think that, at his heart, he was more his mother’s son than perhaps even she would be willing to admit. 

(Also like. The entire thing with Risdeárd an Iarainn? I have read the marriage tracts, I have a friend who does law stuff. None of us can think of ANYTHING in the Brehon laws that would allow for a “Marriage” like the one described. Only thing I can think of that’s SIMILAR is the Teltown marriages. Acting like it’s a common Brehon law thing gives it a veneer of legitimacy that I strongly doubt. The oral tradition COULD be lying to us, I’m willing to say that there might be gaps in our understanding of a law, or Gráinne could have actually done it without….how shall we put this…..the usual degree of sanctity and security that we tend to assume, given that what the law said on marriage could be very different to marriage in reality. Tl;dr: She MIGHT have catfished him. Or. The 16th century Irish equivalent. But like. Catfished where you’re actually married and have a kid with one another. Or the story could be a complete fabrication, like I FIRMLY believe Hugh de Lacy’s story was. Who knows?) 

Anyway, as payment for listening to that rant, have some of Sir Richard Bingham Whining, right from the horse’s as-mouth. I of course meant. Mouth. 

I could read this all day. Cry, Bingham, cry harder. 

Don’t think too hard about the fact that one day I might actually be in charge of a classroom, please. 

Brigid I can hopefully talk about less, to some extent, given that we know comparatively little about her. Throughout this, I’m generally going to be calling her Bríg, since I’m talking about her in a mythological context and that is what she is called in Cath Maige Tuired (which is my all time favorite, baby text, answering the third part of your question), though she is called Brigit in Cormac’s Glossary. 

So…what do we know about Bríg? Very little. But she is also an endlessly discussed figure, with the evidence being pored over again. And again. And again. A lot of the arguments have been discussed by Mark Williams in Ireland’s Immortals, the curious fact that, she is described in UNUSUALLY specific terms in Cormac’s Glossary, being described as a patroness of smiths, doctors, and poets, and there being three sisters named Brigit, one for each function. 

At the same time, however, she only really appears in one saga, the aforementioned Cath Maige Tuired, where her role is purely to keen over her son, Ruadan, that she had via her relationship (past or present, it’s kind of left ambiguous) with the former king of the Tuatha dé, Bres. It is a genuinely poignant, heartwrenching scene, a kind of rare moment of pure humanity in a text often saturated with descriptions of blood and gore and sex of literal superhuman proportions. And in all of this, a woman grieves for her son, inventing keening and giving us a reminder of the HUMAN element of war, the mothers, the wives, the women who are left to grieve in the middle of the fighting. Which, in a text that tends to be fairly misogynistic and skeptical of women’s voices, is actually intriguing. (Bríg is also associated with a lot of DARK SHIT in this section as well, such as night whistling, which is absolutely fascinating to me given that we tend to think of her as this kind of healing, sunshine and rainbows figure and this shows a distinctively different look at her.) There is also a Dinshenchas story, Loch N-Oirbsen that mentions her inventing keening for the loss of Mac Gréine, which COULD (underline COULD) indicate that the story might have pre-dated CMT, replacing the figure of her brother with her son. Or possibly vice versa; CMT influenced quite a bit of the mythological literature. 

I believe that it was Elizabeth Gray in her “Cath Maige Tuired: Myth and Structure” who pointed out that Bríg’s situation in-text is reminiscent of what many women would have dealt with during the period, their hearts torn between their fathers and, perhaps, more to the point, their fathers’ peoples, and the husbands and sons they had with the Norsemen. (Though I have…..certain doubts as to whether we should take it for granted that Bríg was WITH Bres at the time of Ruadan’s death, and all things considered, I do also question whether the entire episode was an afterthought, given that Ruadan doesn’t appear in ANY of the other lists of Bres’ children, nor is the story of his death represented in the Dindshenchas, indicating a certain lack of popularity. Nor do I believe it turns up in the early modern redaction of CMT).

This episode is one that I don’t really talk about all that much, mainly because people tend to treat it as a way of slamming Bres, or using Bríg’s grief as a battering ram against Bres, and that is something that, as the unofficial president of the Bres Fan Club….obviously rankles me. Just a bit, and is honestly one of the key reasons why I generally don’t discuss Bríg. Suffice it to say, like with Gráinne and Donal, I don’t really believe that that relationship was quite as unbalanced as people might interpret it, not the least because, in Cath Maige Tuired, a key trait of Bres’ is his dependence on the women of his life, especially his mother. Which….could create an AWKWARD situation, yes, but definitely doesn’t lend itself to the image of Bres being a tyrant at home as well as politically. 

 If they did split apart, it would be more because of Bres’ actions as king, such as his attempt at executing her father or the general treatment of poets under his reign, which, as a patroness of the poets (IF we assume that there is continuity between her appearance in Cormac and CMT, which is not inherently a given; assuming continuity in Irish Mythology is always a tricky subject because individual scribes often went their own way with this sort of thing) she would presumably be opposed to. But, of course. This isn’t really expanded on, Bríg is MASSIVELY underused in this text, and all that I really have are speculation (on an academic level) and headcanons (on a non-academic level.) 

In terms of the connection with the Catholic saint of the same name………..many people have come up with ideas, I don’t believe it’s something that will ever get resolved. I do think that many things we TEND to label as definitively part of the goddess’ traits tend to be overstated, however, with some of them being found in other Saint’s Lives, or having a similar event in the Bible, which, to an ecclesiastical audience, would be familiar. I feel like it can be very easy to get overzealous in that, because of course it’s a very, very natural thing to want something solid for someone who we KNOW was very important, yet have very little real info on. In some redactions of Lebor Gabála Érenn, Bríg is described as the mother of the Trí Dé Dána, “The Three Gods of Skill,” Tuirill, Brian, and Cet, with Bres as the father. These three are notoriously elusive and difficult to pin down, not the least because they tend to be merged with Brian, Iuachar, and Iucharba, the Sons of Tuireann, but John Carey, in his article “Myth and Mythography in Cath Maige Turied” has suggested that, given Bríg’s identification as a patron of poets, her mothering of these three “Gods of Skill,” and the close connection she has to Bres and, through him, to figures like Ogma that the whole lot of them + The Dagda, Elatha, etc. are part of a “Pantheon of Skill,” which is essentially a cluster of gods renowned by the literary elite. So, there is that. She was definitely an important figure, given……Brigantia. 

While I do not like drawing straight lines between Gaulish figures - Welsh figures - Irish figures, I will say that it seems like, at the very least, they share a common linguistic root. It does seem, judging from Caesar’s description of the Gaulish “Minerva” as being a patron of crafts, and given Bríg’s penchant for multiple crafts, that that is the figure being described, or at least someone who followed similar lines (This was argued by Proinsias Mac Cana in Celtic Mythology, pg. 34), since doubtless things would be different across geographical boundaries. (Welsh and Irish Mythology, despite having certain similarities, are distinct, I can’t imagine how much different Gaulish Mythology would be, if any of it had survived.) Something I do find interesting is that, while Mac Cana notes the Gaulish Minerva as a figure beloved by the lower class in particular, the Bríg we see in the Irish tradition is very associated with the upper class, the men of skill. But, then again, all of these written works would have been commissioned and written by and for that same elite, so it might not be that surprising at all. The oral tradition might have been very different, and perhaps the saint reflects that more. Or perhaps not. 

In terms of the connection with the Catholic saint of the same name………..many people have come up with ideas, I don’t believe it’s something that will ever get resolved. If you can get your hands on Mark Williams’ Ireland’s Immortals, I think you’ll find that most of what I say re: this topic (and….a lot of topics in general) will be echoed in there. I do think that many things we TEND to label as definitively part of the goddess’ traits tend to be overstated, however, with some of them being found in other Saint’s Lives, or having a similar event in the Bible, which, to an ecclesiastical audience, would be familiar. I feel like it can be very easy to get overzealous in that, because of course it’s a very, very natural thing to want something solid for someone who we KNOW was very important, yet have very little real info on. 

In terms of what I believe her function was….as hesitant as I am to apply a function to ANY member of the Tuatha dé, given how tenuous the evidence is and how it can kind of miss the forest for the trees in terms of literary analysis, I believe the bulk of the evidence, such as it is, rests on her association with the crafts, specifically as found in Cormac’s Glossary, with all the limitations thereof. I won’t say “No, you can’t worship her like that” to a modern pagan, I wouldn’t WANT to, because my relationship with these figures is not the same as a religious relationship. That is NOT my place. And that, if we are to take them as religious instead of literary figures, they might very well appear to different people in different ways. That being said, on an academic level, I do believe, at present, with the understanding that my views can definitely change and I am not infallible, that there is little to no evidence to suggest that she was a fire goddess, a goddess of spring, a fertility goddess, or a sovereignty goddess. The association with keening, outcry, etc., seems to also be more solid, so there COULD have been some association in there. Generally speaking, my main focus isn’t so much what a figure WAS so much as what was done with them afterwards. 

…For what was meant to be a quick note, that was very long. And tragically, I had no memes pre-prepared for this one, so I went back a month on a friend in the department’s Facebook and found this.

 I am willing to talk CMT if anyone WANTS to hear me talk about it, since it is my all time favorite myth, as well as….ANYTHING else, both the stuff I’ve discussed in this and anything else relating to the field, but I think that for this particular post, I’ll cut you free, with the hope if not the confidence that at least 1/3 of what I’ve written is vaguely coherent. 

[vivxwrites]

Guardian Angel || Part IV

*not my gif*

Word Count: 1690

Summary: I think you know the deal by now

Warnings: Weirdly dark (I think that’s all)

Pairing: Carol Danvers x Reader

A/N: Here’s part four, hope you all enjoy!!

Parts: {I}, {II}, {III}, {IV}, {V}

‘Where to start, where to start,’ you tapped your chin and wracked your brain. ‘Eh, the beginning will suffice.’ You cleared your throat and began, “I’m not too sure what you humans would call my type but up in heaven we are known as ‘Guardian Angels’. I don’t know how long we’ve been around, but we are tasked with protecting humans from the dark realm and ensuring that each person follows along the life course that is set for them. Each of us is with a certain mark from birth till death, stepping in only when it is vital for us to do so.”

He took in the information, processing it and storing it away for later. He would be lying if he said it hadn’t peaked his curiosity .“What happens when your mark dies?” 

The answer slipped right off of your tongue, “We get a new one.”

“Just like that?” He was shocked, but you nodded. “Ok, what do you mean by ‘the life course that is set for them’?”

You furrowed your brow line but answered anyway, “Each person has a predetermined life, one that we are designated to ensure is fulfilled.”

His eyes widened at your statement, “You’re telling me that I didn’t choose this life, that it was chosen for me?”

“Yeah that’s what I just said.” 

“I call bullshit on that. I chose this life for myself.” You shook your head and sighed, humans. “Do you have any abilities?” His face had hardened into a more serious expression after he had asked his last question.

You cocked your head to the side in question, “Abilities?”

Fury sighed, “Can you do anything special? Anything that a human would not be able to do?”

“Oh but of course. We Guardian Angels are a much more advanced species.” Fury rolled his eyes at you but you didn’t notice. “I can speak telepathically and influence one’s mind to do whatever I please. I used to be invisible to the human eye, though I guess that is no longer true. I am invulnerable to most things, the only way I can really be hurt is if something is laced with silver.” You rubbed your temple in thought, knowing there was something you were forgetting. “Oh! I can also fly.” You gestured proudly to the damaged wings on your back. 

“So basically an overpowered Wanda?” Fury chuckled to himself at his joke, it going right over your head.

“What is a Wanda?” In all of your time in Earth realm you had never heard of a “Wanda” before. 

Fury waved a hand, dismissing your question. “Don’t worry about it.” He paused, “You have a name?”

“Oh yeah! (Y/N) (Y/L/N), pleased to meet you.” You flicked your hand out and grasped his, finding and holding eye contact, staring deep into his eyes.

“What the hell are you doing?” Fury gave you a weird look, similar to the one that Monica had given you when you had first crashed through her ceiling.

You quirked a brow at him, “Is this not how humans greet each other? I have been practicing for an occasion such as this one.” 

Fury only gawked at you and pulled his hand from your grasp. His gaze hardened suddenly. “Another question for you. Last year a friend of mine lost someone dear to them. The circumstances weren’t normal, a demon of sorts appeared and she got hit. If you’re supposed to protect humans from this so called “dark realm,” where were either of their guardian angels?”

You paled and hoped that your face would not betray you, he was most certainly talking about the incident with Carol’s girlfriend last year, one that was entirely your fault. It spiraled much too quickly and you let yourself become distracted, the entire situation one that you still feel entirely guilty for. “I’m not too sure.” You spoke meekly, but Fury must have chalked your tone up to something else, because he didn’t question you on the subject any further.

“I’ve got one final question for you. How do you know who I am, and Maria Rambeau too?”

You shifted your weight uncomfortably, fiddling with your hands as you went. You gave him a tight smile, “I’m afraid I can’t tell you that.”

“You sure about that?” It was his turn to quirk an eyebrow as he waved his hands throughout the cell, reminding you of your imprisonment.

You nervously nibbled on your lip and clenched and unclenched your hands. After a little debate, you settle on revealing as little information as possible, “My mark is familiar with the pair of you.”

“What do you mean by familiar?” His lips drew a tight line as he interrogated you.

You shook your head from side to side and crossed your arms. “I can say no more.” Fury gave a tight, little nod, he would just have to accept your answer.

All of a sudden a sharp searing pain scratched down your back and you let loose a violent scream. Your knees buckled below you and the pain had weakened you enough to bring you to the floor entirely. You hissed and writhed in pain, Fury’s shouts going unanswered as your ears rang with a high pitched frequency. The ringing stopped and the room shifted around you, the walls disappearing as the shocking white color of heaven’s skies appeared in front of you. Your body was paralyzed and you had no choice but to stare confusedly at the sky above you, watching as angels rushed all about, handling their daily tasks. Your eyes felt heavy, the various sights almost hypnotizing to watch, your ears were oddly hypersensitive and you picked up the quiet-as-a-mouse sound of light footsteps moving towards you. 

“Guardian Angel #564, you fell in love with a mark, an action that is highly forbidden and leads to immediate removal from the Realm of Heaven.” Stan, you recognized the voice, though you could not see him anywhere and your head was stuck staring skyward. “Now 564, you were one of our most elite angels, so I was willing to bend the rules for you. I have been keeping a keen eye on you, monitoring your movements in Earth realm and I have to say it was quite shocking to overhear you telling that man our business. And to think I was going to allow you reentry once you were able to see how brattish humans are and learned your lesson. How foolish of me.”

You paled when you realized that Stan had listened in on your conversation with Fury. You heard Stan step closer to you and you could feel his very presence right beside you. A hand gripped your chin harshly and yanked your head in their direction. Tears pricked your eyes at the harsh action and you swallowed the lump forming in your throat. “Do you know what happens to angels in Earth realm?” You opened your mouth to reply but he tightened his grip on you and clicked his tongue, “Nod only. I do not want to hear you speak, understand?” You nodded your head as much as you could in his grasp and he hummed. “564, do you know what happens to angels in Earth realm?” You shake your head ‘no’ and he chuckles, bemused with your answer.

“Do you remember when I said that I was willing to bend the rules for you?” You nodded and he continued, “I was going to allow your wings to fall off slowly, painlessly, until you were able to learn your lesson and return. As that is no longer the case, you are going to face the real punishment, however I’ve decided to up the ante and give it to you tenfold for your betrayal.”

Your eyes widened and your body shook with fear, tears falling freely from your eyes. You shook your head from side to side vigorously and though you couldn’t see him, you felt Stan smirk widely. “Good you are afraid, as you should be. I can’t believe I didn’t see the human in you from the beginning.” 

Your bottom lip trembled furiously and a strangled cry of “please” left your mouth. 

“I thought I told you not to talk,” Stan growled. Your sobs grew in volume at his words. “Weak, you are weak 564. Enjoy the pain of the stripping of your wings.” With a snapping sound your vision blurred and the air around you morphed once more, back into the glass cell with Fury. 

The searing pain returned tenfold, just as Stan promised, and you screamed intensely. Your voice was slowly turning hoarse as your screams continued and your throat turned raw with overuse. You rolled around on the ground, trying desperately to escape the pain, to no avail. Fury pinned your arms to your sides and held you down, “What the hell is going on?”

You gasped for air and fought to speak in between screams, eventually getting out a broken, garbled “help.” 

Before Fury could get out a proper response, Carol and Maria burst into the room, both panting. Carol looked wildly around the room until her eyes fell on you, still screaming. Her eyes widened and she looked from you to Fury, confused. “Danvers, are you back?”

Fury glanced towards Maria and she shrugged her shoulders at him. “I- I don’t know, we heard screaming and we came as fast as we could. Is she ok?” Carol’s voice was soft and full of concern, Fury guessed she was almost fully present at best. 

“I don’t know. One second she was fine but the next she was screaming into next Saturday.” The three traded glances and focused their gazes on you. You were still screaming, although the sound had warped and dulled down, a result of your now raw, scratchy throat. 

A S.H.I.E.L.D. agent approached the group, a look of concern etched onto his features at your screaming. “Director Fury, sorry to interrupt but we’ve just received an emergency signal from the skrulls. Immediate backup is requested.”

Fury cursed under his breath, “Danvers, you think you can suit up?”

A/N: Um, so I don’t know what came over me while writing this but I hope it doesn’t give anyone nightmares or anything. Anyways, there it is :0. Up next, probs another Nat fic then part 2 of my other series, or vice versa. Chow, Viv :)

Guardian Angel Tag List: @vxidnik @envy-adamss @xxxtwilightaxelxxx @worlds-in-words @justarandomhumanhere @letalexaplaydespacito @natblidaclexa @skyella01

Permanent Tag List: @aesthetiff @autumnjackson4 @captainwonderwidow @5aftermidnight @gigglygwil @fansanctuary @lesbian-x-blackwidow @taramitch96

P.S. Want to join the tag list gang? All you have to do is ask! Make sure to specify which one, just so I can make sure to add you for my future fics :)

[NEXT]

[jbbuckybarnes]

The life of Liberty in Memories

Request: Can I request a Steve one-shot (or mini-series) where he is in love with the Reader (who is Bucky's older twin sister) and vice versa? During WW2 she was chosen as a female candidate for the super-soldier program (dubbed Liberty Prime), but unlike Steve, she ended up in Hydra's hands alongside Bucky, where they were made into lethal weapons + R was given additional powers. Besides being an enhanced super-soldier, R is a genius (like Shuri and Tony) and the most dangerous assassin ever. - @witch-of-letters Warnings: mentions of addiction & withdrawal, mentions of physical and mental pain

M A S T E R L I S T

// Falling into snow-white mountains was all you remembered. Then screams. Your own screams and the one of your brother. Your brother that was just trying to help you. “James?” “Y/N Elizabeth Barnes. You’re finally awake. We’ve been waiting for you.” “Where am I?” “Liberty Prime sounded like something Hydra could use in the upcoming decades. Don’t you think?” “NO!” //

With a gasp, you woke up in your cell, a pretty one compared to the ones you’ve been in years ago. Since you had agreed to be The Liberty Soldier to get free of the giant amounts of benzodiazepine being pumped into you. You had slowly left the withdrawal phase, didn’t get psychosis symptoms anymore and your mental issues were only connected to simply being with Hydra at this point. The only times you still got reset without drugs involved, was before big missions.

You hadn’t seen your brother in years. He could only remember you half of the time anyway. But normally you’d seen him every few weeks somewhere in the facility or in the cryo room you both were frozen in. You didn’t dare think about the worst and at this point, it really wouldn’t make a difference. He’d be better of dead than with Hydra and you knew that. Project Insight, something you had worked on for a long time, was the last time he walked past you into the next mission. Maybe he went down with the ships. There was a file given to you later that day. Mission: Killing the rouge Winter Soldier. There was no change in your behavior. Your brother was alive, he was well. You would either gladly die by his hand and be free from the brainwashing, or hopefully come to your senses early enough to make a quick way out and vanish with his help.

“42, 19, Snow, Liberty, 18, Howling, Prime, Afraid, Bloodred, Genius.”

Everything went black and white. ___________________ Steve had a cut in his forehead, Bucky a knife in his left shoulder. “Steve?” “Yeah?” “That’s my sister.” “Are you sure.” “Yes. 100%” “Knock her out. NOW!”

___________________ With a gasp you woke up in a white room, a bag of dextrose in saline solution hanging over you. You were still hazy from the trigger words. This wasn’t Hydra headquarters. Had you failed the mission? Were you being pumped full of BZD again? “She’s awake.” you heard through the wall and shortly after the door opened. “Y/N.” your brother. “J- Are you here to-” you were afraid to be punished. “Hey, no. It’s safe here. I promise. They won’t do anything to you again.” he slowly came closer. His demeanor very soft and the only thing about him reminding you of Hydra being the long hair. “Do you...remember me?” he asked concerned. “You’re the biggest pain in the ass, of course!” you dared to smile. “You’re in Wakanda. They will keep you safe and get the trigger words out of your brain, okay?” he touched your arm gently. “Am I allowed to...hug?” you whispered. “Of course, you’re free here,” he said pulling you closer, letting the floodgates open. “I’m so sorry, that I didn’t get you earlier. I didn’t know where they had brought you,” he said with his warm hand going over your back. “I missed you. But I did so many of these things without the trigger words. I just, I couldn’t bare the drugs anymore and-” “You didn’t want to do it. That’s all that matters. It’s okay. You’re safe.” The door opened again, a big blonde man coming in. “Y/N?” “Steve.” Soft smiles were interchanged, “We’re gonna get you back up. Promise.” ____________________ “A female super-soldier. That’s new.” Shuri smiled at you after you both were introduced to each other. “How...are you gonna get the words out of my brain?” “I just need to find the specific passage in your brain that sends you into the PTSD-like shock,” she explained. “Tried figuring out ways to do this while I was imprisoned.” you smiled and got a surprised smile back. “She’s always been a bit of a genius. The serum just enhanced that.” Steve grinned watching this conversation unfold. “Well, let’s get started.” ____________________ The compound was the first thing you saw after getting out of Wakanda and get free from all the charges against you and Hydra. “You like it?” Steve grinned down at you, his hand on your shoulder. “I could get used to it. I like the robot talking, who made this?” “Me.” Tony Stark came around the corner with a StarkPad in his hand. “Tony, Y/N. Y/N, Tony.” You shook hands, “It’s nice to finally meet you, you’ve been a big inspiration for the things I learned secretly when I was under Hydra’s influence.” “Glad to hear. Welcome to the compound, get comfortable, dodge Pepper when she’s mad.” he grinned before continuing his route. “He’s nicer than you told me he’d be.” you grinned up at Steve. “You haven’t heard him rant about politics.” he rolled his eyes. “Finally show me where I’ll sleep, blondie.” you giggled. ____________________ Steve had always been crushing on you back in the day. But back then he was small, back then Bucky would’ve hated him for admitting it, back then he was kind of a coward. The smart strategic thinking he had didn’t only come from his size but also from you. Later, when you both had been through the projects making you super-soldiers, you had been in the Howling Commandos together. Steve slowly falling for Peggy, while you kept your emotional side hidden around the men. Now that he looked at you he realized that the serum hadn’t changed you too much. You just looked like a more toned version of your past self. What got enhanced was your genius mind and your abilities as a hand-to-hand fighter and overall assassin. He understood again why he was so whipped for you back then and he had the feeling of crushing on you bubbling somewhere in his chest again. “Cap? You’re staring.” you smiled at him, looking up from your book. “Sorry. Was in thought.” he tried to hide his blushing and continued what he was doing before.

____________________ “Are you ready to get back in the field?” Tony was talking to you. “Yes, but ease me into it a bit.” “Are you sure Y/N?” Steve frowned at you and you sent him a little smile and a nod. “Great, get ready to snipe, Barnes,” Tony said and you were in your room in seconds. You weren’t on a mission -with your mind completely clear- in decades, of course, you weren't sure about it. But somehow you would have to get into it. “Get ready for overseeing a hostage situation. We have a deal with them. Money against a man.” “Noted!” ___________________ “Have eyes on the target,” you mumbled into the communication device on top of the pillar you had positioned yourself on with your marksman rifle. You listened in on the conversation you were overseeing, Steve, two heavily armed men, a hostage, and a woman talking to Steve. The comms went out and the woman stepped aside. “Dammit.” you muttered just in time to see Steve fighting one of the armed men and the hostage being brought back to the car by the other man. In a split second you aimed for the man with the hostage, a perfect headshot had him down one breath later. You aimed back at Steve, thinking he’d have the situation under control but he was damn near to being choked into unconsciousness. Aimed, locked, shot, another bullet straight through the forehead. The woman still with the hostage tried to run but you had different plans, taking your knife, jumping down from the pillar and bolting at her. “Guess you’re the hostage now,” you growled with a knife held to her throat from behind.

___________________ With the woman being interrogated by Natasha and the man being cared for by Clint, you had time to go to your room and throw your equipment into a corner. 4 knocks, “Yeah?” “It’s me.” “Come in, Steve,” you said putting off your bulletproof vest. “Thank you for watching my back.” he gave you a shy smile. “Thought you’d be better at not getting choked.” you grinned, getting off your thigh holster. “Your brother’s worse.” he chuckled watching you take off your shirt, turning red. “It’s the 21st century, Stevie. People wear what I wear right now on the street.” you laughed squishing his face on your way to the closet. “I don’t have that with Nat.” his hands went up. Internally he had an entire awakening about absolutely still having the hots for you. Fuck. “So just with me, huh?” you smirked after you had the cozy hoodie on. “Guess so. Maybe it’s just habit with you.” he sent a tiny smile. “Maybe it is.” you were standing right in front of him, reading him like an open book. He was so bad at this. Always had been. Although you needed to admit that he got a little better at the flirting part. You knew he had a crush on you in the 40s, you just didn’t have a crush back. Then the war came, Peggy came, you “died” and he “died”. And now you had a hot blushing mess in front of you that you were actually kinda into. He shook himself out of the stare he was holding with a, “Still need to get rid of my suit and write a mission report.” “How about I help you with the suit?” you whispered, tracing over his chest. He swallowed, not really sure what to do. This was a possibility he hadn’t calculated in. The chance of you actually being different about this now. “Uh, I mean, if you don’t mi-” his head was yanked down and lips were on his in a split second. Cherry lip balm, the taste of blood and the smell of your fresh clothing were all he registered. “You’re bad at hiding your crushes. Always have been.” you grinned still close to him. “You knew?” “Of course, you are the worst at pretending.” you chuckled, hands now snaking around your lower back. “Did Bucky know?” he grinned. “No, he was totally oblivious to that and I’m kinda glad about that. You have the best friendship. Now shut up and kiss me, idiot.” you said and sighed when he finally took initiative. Your back was pressed against the wall in a heartbeat, a tongue between your lips. Your hands went to the zippers and buttons of his suit, getting it off painfully slow. His hands wandered under your hoodie and you stopped him, “I just said I’ll help you with the suit.” “Y/N.” he gave you a serious stare before you chuckled with a head shake. “You got better with girls, I see.” you couldn’t continue what you were about to say since he picked you up and had you land on your bed. _____________________ Sneaking behind the team’s backs was hard but manageable for the first few weeks. But there had to be the moment where everything didn’t go as planned. “You’re back,” you whispered, looking up at him. Both of you in front of your room, the hallway empty. “We were done early.” he smiled and pushed your hair behind your ear. “Missed you.” you pouted and had a hand caressing your face shortly after. “I missed you too, darling.” he leaned down for a short kiss. “Cuddles and Sushi?” you grinned, still holding him by his jacket. “Sounds like a dream to me.” he gave you heart eyes before you went on your tiptoes for another kiss. Someone cleared their throat a few meters away and you drove apart. Your brother. “Why didn’t you tell me?” he looked at both of you with a stern look. “We thought you might be mad,” you said and Steve nodded. “I would never be mad at my two favorite people in the world being happy with each other...unless my best friend breaks my sister's heart.” his smile vanished with the last sentence and was replaced with a serious look at Steve. “In my defense. She was the one kissing me first,” he said holding his hands up, making you giggle. “And you were pretty oblivious to his crush on me all those years.” you grinned at your brother suddenly having a surprised face. “C’mon Buck, how many times did you talk to me and I didn’t listen when she was in the room.” “Now that you say it. Quite a lot of times.” he grinned. _______________________ “Y/N Elizabeth Barnes-Rogers! You are NOT pregnant, WHAT!?” an offended and happy smile was sent at you by your brother that had just heard the news from Steve and you. “You’re gonna be an uncle, James,” you said before squealing and being hugged tight. “Oh my god, Liz.” he couldn’t stop hugging you and swayed side to side with you. “We’re officially a family instead of a group of crackheads now.” you giggled. “I hope she gets your brain and none of his recklessness. Cause I’m not babysitting another Steve Rogers,” he said looking at both of you. “All we can do is try.” you grinned. He looked down on you and shook his head still in shock, “You don’t know what’s coming at you, little bean.”

M A S T E R L I S T

[a-silent-symphony]

Interview with vocalist and bassist Marko Hietala

GOING SOLO

Luxi: When did you get the idea to make a solo album some day? I bet this has been bubbling in your mind for many years, correct?

Marko: Yes, that's true. I have always had countless ideas for songs that I have come up with over the years. Some of them have gone missing or may have been modified over time.

When Nightwish decided to take a break from everything, it gave me the chance to start working with these ideas. I called Tuomas (Wäinölä, guitar) and Vili (Ollila, keyboards) well before the break and told them about my ideas for a solo project. They were interested and here we are now. I have known the guys for more than 10 years, I would say. They have a background in Rock bands and they have an open mind and open ears for music in general, so working with these lads was a no-brainer. I had a bunch of stuff already written; choruses, rhythmic parts and stuff, but I must give a lot of credit to my band mates for shaping them in to the vision I had been thinking of for this album. They gave their own input on certain soundscapes and brought in diverse things. Honestly, they were a huge help getting this album completed in the way I envisioned. Without them, this album would not have turned out as great as it did.

Luxi: Were these guys your primary choices or did you have a list of musicians that you wanted to go through to see who was available?

Marko: I had been thinking of a small bunch of musicians that I'd like to do a solo album with, but these fellows were always at the top of my wish list so to speak. Also, when Tuomas suggested that we hire Anssi (Nykänen) behind the drum kit, knowing he's a big fan of John Bonham, I was sold. This band needed a pair of heavy hands behind the battery and he was in in no time.

Kai Hahto (Nightwish, Wintersun, etc.) was originally interested in doing this project with us as well, but he had his house project going on at the same time and unfortunately he also hurt  both his wrist and back a little bit, preventing him from playing drums for a little while.

ARD PROG?

Luxi: Yes, I remember him telling me about this episode at a festival where we met. For people who have been following your doings with both Tarot and Nightwish, this solo album may surprise them a bit if they are expecting it to copy any of your previous works. While I listened to Pyre of the Black Heart, I found a wide range of influences on the album, from more progressive moments to softer ballads to more rocking numbers and so on.

Marko: Yes, there are quite a lot of things going on in these songs, but I would say perhaps Progressive Rock is the genre that's closest way to describe it due to different style and sound combinations. However, what we tried to avoid like the plague was making the songs sound too artsy-fartsy or too calculated just to get a "progressive" tag hung on our songs. For us it was very important to have catchy choruses and melodies in these songs and some people may even think, "Hey, this is an almost dancable stuff..." [*laughter*]

Luxi: Unlike Rush or Pink Floyd that may demand some unorthodox choreography from a dancer's legs, I am afraid...

Marko: Haha... Every bassist should be well aware of what some bottom end bass tones can do for people's hips... ;o) [*laughter*]

Luxi: If we sink into the lyrical world of this album, how much does it reflect your own inner feelings and thoughts?

Marko: There are quite a lot of personal things on both solo albums, the Finnish (titled Mustan Sydämen Rovio) as well as the English version. As it's said, truth shall set you free. If you can carefully read the symbolism that's been used on both versions of the album, I am sure listeners can catch some of the thoughts and feelings that I have bled into the lyrics. Nowadays we are kind of living life on the edge, without thinking about how we should balance our life between staring at our cell phones and the REAL life that's outside of it. Rudely said, we tend to stare at all these simulations of life through our cell phones more than living this life that's surrounding us, which is just sad in so many ways. Technology is a great thing and I love sciences, but we humans should embrace the real side of life as well and not just live life surfing in the wonderful world of social media.

Luxi: Being more humane, without letting technology's wonders enslave us too much, is the key for living...

Marko: Yes, that's right. We should remember we have this planet which is still full of all kinds of beautiful wonders.

COMING OUT FROM THE PROTECTIVE SHELL—OR STAYING THERE?

Luxi: As solo works can be really personal, do you believe you have a sort of inner mechanism that doesn't let you bring out all of your deepest feelings and thoughts out, naked and unfiltered?

Marko: Hmmm... That's a tough question. If a listener gets that kind of feeling solely based on some lyrical content on the album that I would hold myself back lyric-wise, then it must be subliminal for me. I mean, if there are some topics out there that I want to include in my lyrics, that also kind of challenge me in one way or another, then I want to see if I can take on this challenge and overcome it.

One of the challenges for me has always been how to be as open and be honest and truthful about the way I want to express myself. If there's something there that makes me cautious, then I am doing some careful research on why those things make me a bit cautious. And if there's nothing I should be worried about, then I just go with it and express my thoughts very openly. It's as simple as that. For example, that's what happened with the song "Voice of My Father", in which I openly talk about the things we, as this prevailing generation of people, leave for future generations, both good and in bad.

Luxi: But sometimes, if you dig too much, you can actually be pretty vulnerable and feel even threatened if you are too straight about things via your lyrics, right?

Marko: Yes, that's all true, of course. This is also something I have thought myself, that if I am too open about things I may sing, who would like to harm me or act intimidating toward me due to my lyrics, am I perhaps digging my own grave by saying things a bit too straight? I would say to the latter; not really because I think it's more about protecting your personal being than anything else. Should I care if I said something corny or childish in my lyrics? Do people laugh at me if I said this or that? Should I be afraid of peoples' reactions if they attack me due to expressing myself in a cryptic way that might be (mis-)understood different ways? Hell no, I don't think I should be afraid of it at all. This is something I have gotten over.

Luxi: Besides that, we should remember that a certain level of cheesiness has always been a part of Metal music, in one way or the other?

Marko: Of course, it is. I have pondered this many times because many hit songs have this almost too-corny-to-be-good aspect that people tend to like. Sometimes it works, sometimes not so much and many times there may be an absolutely brilliant idea behind a song that is watered down due to reaching this thin line when things simply don't work. But when you get to know your limits of when something is only corny but not overly corny, the result can be absolutely fantastic.

DIFFERENCE BETWEEN PERFORMING IN FINNISH VS. PERFORMING IN ENGLISH

Luxi: It's not so often that an artist makes a solo album in two different languages, like you did with this one. Was it something that you originally planned from the beginning or did this idea grow little by little? How you express yourself using the Finnish language for Finns obviously has a different approach compared to using English for them, I suppose?  

Marko: Yes, it is all true what you just said. There certainly is a difference when singing in Finnish for the Finns versus using another language for them. For me, it was relatively easy to do this solo album in two languages, keeping in mind my wife is non-Finnish, plus it's no-brainer for me to switch from Finnish to English either as I am using both languages constantly, almost half-and-half.

And yeah, like you mentioned, it's a plain fact that when I sing in Finnish for the Finns, I am sure they can assimilate my lyrics easier than English.

Anyway, the reason I eventually decided to record both the Finnish and English versions of the album is actually very simple; I had written lyrics both in Finnish and English. I simply could not make up my mind which language I should use so I made a compromise and released it both in Finnish and English. Besides that, it was fun to do this album in both languages. By singing in English, commonly known as the worldwide Rock 'n' Roll language, you can reach millions while singing in Finnish you can reach, if you will, one isolated northern tribe known as The Finns.

Luxi: Doing albums in different languages is not common so obviously there was a lot of work involved...?  

Marko: Yeah, it was quite a bit of work indeed, but it was all worth it. I mean, I was fascinated by the contrast between these two languages and how they both would work on the album. There were, of course, some challenges for me to translate from Finnish to English—and vice versa—to get the meaning right. Some translations were easy to do, but some took more time. I remember killing time travelling one spring and summer by plane, sitting for long hours and figuring out whether this or that lyric line would make sense and rhyme. In fact, I wrote a lot this way, both in English and Finnish. Some lyrics were pretty complicated and needed more work. Some for the English version of the album were completed just when we were about to begin the process of recording the English version at the end of last summer. I wanted to have Troy (Donockley, Nightwish) double-check some of my lyrics to be sure there wouldn't be any double meanings in my lyrics because they might sound odd or just hilarious if written in the wrong way.

THE IMPORTANCE OF FINDING LIKE-MINDED PEOPLE

Luxi: Were the other guys on the same page with your ideas right off the bat?

Marko: I was actually pretty surprised that they understood how I wanted this album to sound. Of course, there were a few longer discussions there when we had reached a crossroad where we didn't quite know which direction this or that song should take. We were working our asses off to make the songs sound right to each of us, really pushing hard in the direction we wanted them to go.

At the end of the day, it was worth all the hard work. Each of us in the band was happy with how the songs turned out, thinking they sound pretty darn unique and original.

Luxi: This may be a silly question, but which language version of the album is closer to you personally when thinking of all the musical nuances, colours, soundscapes, etc.?

Marko: Well, let me put it this way; for me, the closest songs, without exception, are the ones in the language I wrote them. On this record, I translated about six songs from Finnish to English and four were translated from English to Finnish. Then I have some raw material still left that is just waiting to be finished, probably 2021, who actually knows?

Luxi: Before you booked the studio time for these recordings, did you have the whole song palette completely ready or did you finish some songs in the studio?

Marko: No, no... We had all the songs demoed already, so we knew how the album would sound when we went to Sonic Pump Studios to record it. We used very organic methods to record the songs. You know, bass, drums, guitar and our keyboard player, Vili, had some demo versions already done for this session. We played the instruments as live takes that also gave a more authentic feeling to the songs. Out of all these takes we just put them together the way that everyone was happy with. For example, I played my bass all at once and Tuomas did the same with his rhythm guitar and that was it. Our main intention was to have the album sound as organic as possible; make it sound like a real live band effort instead of making it too clinical and stuff.

"THIS MELODY IS KICKING MY HEAD..."

Luxi: Promotion means everything in today's rough music business and making videos has become an integral part of it. How did you end up choosing the song "Stones" for the first video?

Marko: I had a vision for this song in my head well in advance because I think it has a pretty addictive chorus. From what I can remember, this song was born two years ago when I was still touring with Nightwish. I was singing and demoing parts of that song backstage. Then one day, when we were travelling by bus, our manager Ewo Pohjola, who had just woken up, walked in the bus looking sleepy and wearing only pants while humming a catchy melody line. At the same time, Tuomas (Holopainen) came in to get his morning coffee and said, "that melody has been in my head the entire night...and blame it on that guy!", while Ewo still kept on singing the same melody over and over again.

Anyway, this catchy melody line stuck in my head as well, and... here we are... ;o)

Luxi: Talking about playing live, this is your very first gig here in Lahti, Finland, for your solo band, sort of the premiere for your solo tour in Europe. Feeling nervous?

Marko: Perhaps just a little bit. I am hoping I don't fuck up my lyrics too much, haha!! The day after tomorrow I should be playing a gig in Hamburg, Germany, so let's hope everything goes smoothly on this tour, too.

Luxi: Have you received any information on how well your solo album has been received in Europe? Have you read any advance album reviews?

Marko: I am afraid to say that I really don't follow social media sites much. However, my wife and some of my friends have told me the album has gotten pretty nice reviews in the media already. I myself have googled some reviews and am glad it's got some very good ones, 8 out of 10, 9 out of 10 and the like, so that makes me honestly happy. It gives me a feeling my band mates and I did something right. I have been doing some interviews as well, phone interviews and stuff, and many have mentioned they did not expect as diverse and all-around good album, so I am grateful for all this positive feedback.

Luxi: When I read some of these reviews, almost every one of them states loud and clear that it's great to hear you use your whole vocal range and I fully agree that there truly is a lot of soul to your vocals.

Marko. Thank you. Naturally when you do a solo album, it's way easier to not hold your horses in this type of project, as say, singing in my main band Nightwish, in which there's always been this some sort of "the beauty and the beast" thing between Floor and me vocally.  

Luxi: What are your personal expectations from the crowds in Europe?

Marko: Hmm... hard to say because the type of stuff we do is pretty marginal after all. It's kind of hard to predict how many people will attend our gigs, so in that sense everything's still a bit of mystery to me. But as long as we can entertain people on this tour, then there's not much to complain about really, I guess. We know we have a diverse set, from some headbanging stuff to more atmospheric and emotionally moving stuff. We already tested the more atmospheric stuff last summer, just to see if we were able to hypnotize our target audience and damn, it worked. It all comes down to how it's performed, how convincing or entertaining you can be and so on. On our summer tour this year when we performed these songs in Finnish, it seemed to work well for people. Let's hope this English-sung material will go down with the audience nicely, too.

Luxi: Obviously this kind of stuff should draw very different people to your gigs, from the old school Uriah Heep/Deep Purple generation to younger Nightwish fans, and such.

Marko: Yes, that's what I was thinking, too. But you never know what's gonna happen. This reminds me, was it Tina Turner who made her first solo album at the age of 45, and became a world-famous star after that? I am 54, but it's only a wishful thinking that the same would happen for me as well with my solo career, haha!

OF MEET & GREET AND V.I.P.      

Luxi: What about these Meet & Greet sessions? Do you feel like they are necessary or do you see them more like a mandatory thing to do for the fans who want to get close to you, take some pics and autographs, and share even a few words with an artist and/or band members?

Marko: I have to say they have been more or less a neutral thing for me. I happen to know many musicians really do not care for them, but then this other part of them feels it's necessary to do them because it's a part of today's business so to speak.

For me, however, the coolest situations always tend to happen if you meet your fans simply by accident; on some random street or somewhere else but just by accident. I remember this type of meeting with a fan when I was in Brazil, spending time on a little island with my wife. We were on the beach and I had just come out of the water and then this guy appeared saying, "What's your name? Are you THAT Marko?!" Of course he wanted to remember this meeting by taking some pictures with me and telling me, "This is the best day of my life", and so on.

This is something that I love, making people happy this way, with just a little effort from my side.

Luxi: If I can ask, what's your opinion about the V.I.P. packages that include things like going to see soundchecks, special Meet & Greet sessions with band members and a chance to travel to some ranches of their idols, staying overnight there, plus having a breakfast/dinner/etc. with your target of worship?

Marko: Haha... Regarding Nightwish, this has always happened in a smaller scale for us really, but I believe in America we have done that kind of stuff probably more than anywhere else, having these smaller scale V.I.P. options available for them. Our fans mainly have wanted to pay for the opportunity just to meet us; to get a few shots taken with us and to share a few words with us naturally, too. But what's certain, we haven't arranged any special all-inclusive hotel weekends for our fans, or shit like that.

[*laughter*]

But I do understand that if the fans are dying to meet their favorite artists/musicians and are also willing to pay for this privilege, then why not. In some sense, a little bit exaggerated perhaps, these fans partly pay our tour buses with the money they have reserved for this V.I.P. option.

GOING SOLO—FUTURE PLANS

Luxi: Changing the subject, I am curious to know if there might be some continuum to your solo thing, if Nightwish takes a break from touring/recording again in the future? Do you have half-finished stuff that's waiting for the right time to get finished?

Marko: In fact, I do, and some good stuff that's just waiting for better days to get completed. I have a few good ideas that I'd like to finish someday. It's kind of amazing for me to think backwards that I have reached the point of having my first solo album done finally, after leaving all of my other commitments behind for a little while. After rehearsing and working with two bands for gigs and in the studio, making three videos, several photo shoots, gigs and more rehearsals—all kinds of different comings and goings, I found it nice to take a break of two months and clear my head and recharge my batteries under the Brazilian sunshine. After the break, I did the "Heavy X-mas" tour in Finland, which lasted two weeks but was still a relaxing and nice thing to do. I did not feel it demanded much from me; it was more like a gathering of old friends.

Anyway, this break did me some good because it got my creative juices flowing again. I am what I am. Obviously, I tend to have this some sort of inborn mechanism that seems to get my brain working; coming up with new lyrics and grabbing my guitar and start jamming.

Luxi: You are not the kind of person who wakes up in the middle of night with a cool idea or melody line somewhere in the back of your mind that simply needs to be saved right away?

Marko: Fortunately, this has not happened to me for a long time. I remember when I was younger, I may have woken up due to some band's song not leaving me alone in the middle of my sleep. By the next morning, I had no remembrance of it at all. My mind was totally blank when the morning came.

Luxi: Alright, I think that's all I had in mind for this interview... wait a sec. I have just one extra question for you if you don't mind. As you know, cover bands like Sapattivuosi that you also were a part of once (a Finnish band doing Black Sabbath music in Finnish) have always been popular projects over the years. I was wondering if you have heard this Russian Nightwish cover band called Nevski & The Prospects that seems to be a highly popular band up here in Finland. I mean, they have a gig coming up in Oulu, Finland, on April 10th—and surprisingly, it's a sold-out show...

Marko: Ah, yeah... I suppose I have heard of people talking about quite a few times before. Hmm... Some people are saying that their music may be the closest thing to Nightwish's own stuff, and claim they probably sound even more like Nightwish than Nightwish themselves... [*Marko has a very suspicious grin on his face*]

Luxi: Okay then, now that's interesting. Thank you, Marko, for your time and best of luck for your tonight's show here in Lahti.

Marko: Thank you.

[ofniko]

troye sivan. demiboy. he/them. ／ nicolas “niko” goldwater just pulled up blasting coming of age by foster the people— that song is so them! you know, for a twenty-one year old social media influencer/fashion guru, i’ve heard they’re really -mercurial, but that they make up for it by being so +gregarious. if i had to choose three things to describe them, i’d probably say a shiny pink vinyl skirt with pristine nails to match, designer shopping bags weighing down twiggy arms, and margaritas with extra sugar around the rim. here’s to hoping they don’t cause too much trouble!

hello friends ! i’m lainie, she/her, cst, and i talk about stephen king too much :/ im!! so excited to introduce u to niko my fashion baby and to get to know all of ur amazing outstanding totally unique never been done before muses !! under the cut u can find a very lazy intro with some summarized points and i’d promise a real bio later but lich rally who am i kidding lmao anyway i have a p full day but ill be around for plotting n stuff so come smash a heart and ill slide up in ur dms or hmu in my ims or on discord (starslut#0877) whichever works best for you MWAH

background/history

niko grew up right here on the upper east side, born and bred into the life of new york’s elite and while his attitude doesn’t entirely reflect the sort of pretentiousness we get when we think gossip girl, he definitely exudes an air of wealth and privilege and of having a limited view of what the world is really like outside of his trust fund bubble

for all his ostentation and lack of control when it comes to the wealth at his fingertips, he’s always maintained a very genuine humbleness and sense of humility that, while not always strong, is definitely there. it can be seen in his passion for helping people through what he does--his greatest thrill in life is to know he’s helped people find themselves through fashion and self care

his dad is a wall street trader and entrepreneur and they’re new(ish) money. he got wealthy very young so niko grew up knowing nothing but a life of luxury. his mom is a socialite, and his relationship with them is about what you’d expect. they love him, he’s their child, but they don’t take a huge amount of interest in his life. their blasé attitude toward him was highlighted most in his mind when he came out to them at 15 and they just......didn’t really have a reaction. weren’t upset, weren’t really surprised, but weren’t necessarily proud or happy for him either

when he came out a couple years later to them as non-binary it wasn’t much different, only in that they didn’t really get what he was saying whereas “gay” was something they could understand

he did two years of school at nyu and dropped out because he simply wasn’t enjoying it and was making enough money through instagram and youtube and brand promotions that it felt like a no-brainer decision

again, his parents weren’t happy about it, but they didn’t fight him over it, either

his following is growing exponentially and he’s just released a line of scents and perfumes that, on top of the revenue from everything else, makes it so he hardly needs his trust fund anymore

personality

gregarious and extraverted sometimes to a fault, niko can easily get on the nerves of people who don’t have the energy to keep up. he’s like a child who never quite grew out of adolescence, and with that boundless energy also comes a selfishness he’s usually unaware of. it can be very difficult for niko to be conscious of the way his actions affect other people and ends up hurting those close to him that way

in that same vein, when he does realize what he’s done, he’s more often than not consumed with guilt over it and will go to great lengths to try and resolve the issue

not that he always does a good job

he sleeps around a lot mostly because he enjoys it, but partly because he doesn’t know how to have a relationship. the lingering adolescence makes it so he doesn’t have the necessary awareness of another person’s needs to be in a stable relationship and he manages to a large degree to convince himself he doesn’t care and prefers being single anyway

fashion is his favorite thing in the world and though he doesn’t wear a lot of makeup on the daily, he definitely dabbles and has a lot of fun experimenting

catch him exploring the city and taking pictures, partying, clubbing, brunching, and shopping on the regs and if he’s in a Mood, you can usually tell bc he goes on shopping binges and fusses to an extreme degree over his appearance

also he he dyes his hair platinum blond

and his pronouns are flexible! he usually uses he/him referring to himself but genuinely doesn’t care whatever people feel like using

connection ideas

gal and gay pals :’) for fashion and shopping and instagram photoshoots

also a best friend ride or die pleaSE and thank u

i need enemies and angst and drama so give me everyone who hates niko/thinks he’s a fake bitch/can’t stand him

high school connections are cute so maybe someone he didn’t get along w back then and does now/vice versa where they were rly close and something turned them against each other and now it’s world war 3

COLLABS ?? youtubers/influencers/instagrammers he’s worked with or regularly collaborates with

a parental figure/figures :( since he doesn’t have much of a relationship w his real parents

umm!!!! someone who like they DONT get along usually and everyone knows they’re weird frenemies but they VIBE SO HARD when theyre drunk and partying

one (1) ex who lasted maybe like 3-4 months and it didn’t work out either bc they cheated on niko (would love this angst) OR bc niko was too flaky for them and they couldn’t handle the way niko doesn’t rly understand intimacy

someone who can challenge!! that!! and it’s freaking niko out bc he’s starting to catch Feels but doesn’t know what to do w it/doesn’t know if they feel the same way

casual hookups/one night stands/maybe a hookup or two from back in high school and they’re either on good terms and just friends now or like....it’s angsty maybe!!!!!!!!!

[fanficshiddles]

I’m still breathing, Chapter 14

Sophie woke up the following morning with a headache again after the amount of alcohol she drank the previous night. She was still in her clothing from last night too, having just fell into bed and passed out.

When she sat up, she noticed Loki sitting on her bed too. He was on top of the covers and smirked at her.

‘What?’ She groaned and fell down on her back again.

‘You were very drunk last night. Do you remember the end of the night?’ He leaned over and pressed his palm to her forehead, concentrating on taking away the pain for her.

‘Thanks… Not really. I remember dancing with you, then taking more shots that Wanda gave me.’ Sophie rolled onto her side to look at him.

Loki lay down on his side too and reached out to stroke the tips of his fingers down her cheek. ‘So, you don’t remember when we were making our way back here?’ He grinned.

Sophie frowned. ‘No… I didn’t do anything stupid did I? Oh god, what did I do?’ She panicked.

‘No, you didn’t.’ Loki laughed. ‘However, you did fall through a wall.’

Sophie took a second to process what he said. ‘I… What?’ She was mortified. Thinking that she had broken through dry wall or something. ‘I didn’t realise I was that strong? Did I do a lot of damage?’

Loki laughed again. ‘Not like that. You simply phased through it.’

She just looked at him with utter confusion written all over her face.

‘Once you get showered and dressed, I will show you what I mean. I’ve called for a meeting with everyone in the surveillance room.’

Sophie had the quickest shower ever, then threw on some clean clothes and chucked her hair up in a ponytail.

‘Impressive.’ Loki commented as they made their way from her room to the surveillance room.

When there, Loki pulled up the security footage of the corridor from last night. It showed Loki turning around to bid Thor goodnight, with Sophie skipping along happily until she stumbled and fell towards the wall. She put her hands out to save herself but simply went straight through the wall instead.

‘Holy shit!’ Sophie’s hand flew over her mouth as she watched in shock at what she did.

‘I also had my suspicions, remember that night in the library? You were asleep on the floor?’ Loki said, typing in another date and time into the system to get another clip.

‘Yeah…’ Sophie trailed off, not entirely sure where he was going with it.

The rest of the team were just watching on in shock too.

The clip Loki showed next, Sophie was on the sofa in the library. She fell asleep and fell straight through the side of the sofa, onto the floor. She’d been in such a deep sleep which is why she never woke when she hit the floor.

‘I think this is why you ended up under the bed too.’ Loki said, turning off the clip.

‘So… I can go through things? But I don’t even know how I did it?’ Sophie looked at Loki, then the others. Who looked just as baffled as Sophie was.

Clint gave her a gentle pat on the back. ‘Well, that’s what we will work on. Help train you to do it without needing to put any thought into it. We’ll help you get it figured out, kid. Don’t worry.’

‘Thanks guys.’ Sophie smiled.

Later that day, Sophie was in the living room reading up on mutant’s history. Something she hadn’t exactly wanted to know about, but with being one she thought it might be best to learn about her history. But she felt her stomach sinking in fear as she did. The realisation that the new laws to protect mutants were still very new. And what with Fury acting all weird on SHIELDs behalf, she was really worried that they were going to use her like some lab rat.

‘You look worried, poppet. What’s wrong?’ Loki asked upon entering the room.

Sophie held up the book to show him the front cover.

‘Ah. I really wish you hadn’t read that.’ He said, concerned as he motioned for her to scoot over so he could sit next to her.

‘I know. I wish I hadn’t either. But I really wanted to know about my history, you know? I mean, it’s good that it’s come so far and there are laws to protect us now. But it’s still a bit scary not knowing what SHIELD really want with me.’ She leaned her head on Loki’s shoulder as he wrapped his arm around her.

He kissed the top of her head. ‘I know, love. But you know we won’t let anything happen to you. You’re safe with me.’ He assured her.

‘I know. Thank you.’ She put the book down and wrapped her arms around Loki, hugging into him.

God, she was sure she would never tire of being held by him. In his strong arms, feeling so safe and content. How she’d went all her life thus far without affection was beyond her. She found herself craving it from Loki so much. She only hoped she wouldn’t become too clingy.

‘Now what’s wrong?’ Loki asked knowingly as he leaned back slightly and gripped her chin between his fingers.

‘How do you do that?’ Sophie asked.

‘Do what?’

‘You seem to know what I’m thinking.’ She smiled.

‘I can tell by your body language.’ He smirked cockily.

‘Damn. I’ll need to try and hide it better.’ She teased.

‘Come on, what are you thinking now?’

‘I was just starting to worry that I’m becoming too clingy with you.’ She admitted sheepishly. ‘I don’t want to bug you, ever!’

‘You know, I was worried about the same thing this morning.’ Loki laughed, relieved.

‘You were?’ Sophie’s eyes widened in realisation.

‘I tend to get rather… Possessive over people I love. Clingy too. I was worried I was going to scare you away.’ Loki reached up and stroked her cheek with the back of his hand, making her blush.

‘You… Love me?’

Loki faltered slightly, realising he’d let that word slip. Even though it was the truth. ‘Yes, I do.’ It was his turn for his cheeks to turn slightly red.

‘I love you too.’ Sophie whispered, making Loki smile.

Sophie and Loki were both on cloud nine after finally telling one another that they were in love. They made sure to tell each other every single opportunity they could. And most nights they fell asleep together, cuddled on the sofa in the living room or in the library.

Thor was over the moon for his brother. He’d never seen him so happy and in love before. It was clear how much Loki absolutely adored Sophie and vice versa. They were almost inseparable over the coming weeks.

They tried to train with Sophie, not only with her dagger and fighting skills but to try and get her powers under control. But she was struggling to make it happen. It happened, by accident a few times a week. One minute she was leaning against a wall, the next she was disappearing through it. Or she would be asleep in bed and then on the floor when she woke up.

The best one was once when Loki went to kiss her after teasing her about her height, but instead of kissing him she fell right through him. Which was a weird sensation for the both of them.

Pepper, Wanda and Natasha decided one Saturday night that Sophie needed a break from training. So they decided to take her out clubbing in the city. They were going to meet up with Jane, Darcy and Clint’s wife, Laura.

‘Are you sure it’s a good idea?’ Loki frowned while he watched Sophie straightening her hair, it was almost time for her to go with the girls.

‘I will be with one of the world’s most deadly assassins, an incredibly strong witch and some of the best scientists in the world. I’m sure I will be fine.’ Sophie grinned at him in the mirror, he was standing behind her, watching.

‘Oh, I do not doubt your safety in that aspect. But more so that Natasha is a bad influence on you when it comes to alcohol.’ Loki chuckled.

‘I know, but it will be fine.’ Sophie smiled.

Sophie was surprised with how much she enjoyed her night out with the girls. They were at the second club of the night, downing a bunch of shots and dancing around to club music.

They were talking about all the men and the conversation turned to Loki.

‘I still can’t get over how much Loki adores you, Sophie.’ Natasha said, hooking her arm around Sophie’s shoulder.

‘I guess I’m a lucky girl.’ Sophie shrugged, smiling.

Jane then spoke up. ‘Thor told me that he has never seen him so in love before. He’s so happy for you both, as we all are. But Thor really believes that Loki is turning a corner now.’

Sophie didn’t really know what to say to that, apart from blushing.

But Laura came to her defence. ‘Come on girls, we’re embarrassing her! She knows Loki loves her.’

Sophie gave her a smile as a silent way of thanking her. The conversation turned again to the other guys instead. But Sophie couldn’t deny how happy it made her feel inside, knowing that she was making a different to Loki’s life, just like he was for her.

Later on during the night, Sophie ended up with Natasha in the bathroom. They were fixing up their make-up.

‘Can I ask you something?’ Sophie asked Natasha.

‘Of course you can, chick. What’s up?’

‘I… I’m worried that Loki will lose interest in me. I mean, he’s not ever made a move on me yet. But I know that soon he will want sex. But I don’t know if and when I will be able to do that.’

Natasha stopped applying her lipstick and turned her full attention to the younger girl.

‘We weren’t lying when we said that he adores and loves you. Loki doesn’t seem the type to be after just one thing. We are surrounded by a great bunch of guys. I think if Loki was only interested in sex, you’d know about it by now. Why not talk to him about it? Are you nervous because it would be your first time?’

‘Well, not really that. I…’ Sophie sighed and looked down. ‘The one and only time a guy initiated sex with me, was because he was going to rape me.’ She blurted out quickly.

‘Oh, Sophie. I’m so sorry.’ Natasha’s face fell and she put her arm around her again.

‘It’s fine. Really. It was ages ago. But I just… I don’t know.’

‘Does Loki know?’

‘Yeah, I told him about it months ago.’ Sophie nodded.

‘Then I’m sure he already understands. But talk to him about it, see what his views are on the situation.’

‘Yeah, you’re right. I’m just being silly.’

‘Hey, you’re not being silly. You’ve been through a lot, it’s only natural.’ Natasha gave her an encouraging smile.

‘Thanks, Nat.’ Sophie smiled back at her and gave her a hug.

Loki had stayed up in the living room to wait for the girls returning. It was obvious when they had returned, as the noise they were making was enough to wake up the entire base.

He watched in amusement as they all stumbled through to the kitchen, hushing each other and trying to stay quiet but failing miserably. They had takeaway with them and all piled around the table to eat various kebabs, pakora, chips and pizza.

It always amazed Loki how much junk food they could all eat, yet still stay fit and healthy.

He crept up behind Sophie with no one noticing him. Until he put his hands onto her shoulders and whispered in her ear. ‘Welcome back, love.’

Sophie let out a screech in fright, making everyone else jump too.

‘Jesus! You scared me.’ Sophie put her hand over her heart.

‘Not Jesus, even better, God of mischief.’ Loki chuckled and pulled up a seat next to her, stealing some of her kebab meat.

‘How did you know we were back?’ She asked, frowning at him as he then stole some of her chips too.

‘You are all not exactly mice… More like elephants.’ Loki smirked, just as the rest of the team came through to see what all the noise was. All of their faces lit up when they saw the food.

The girls all growled and grumbled when the guys tried to steal their food. But in the end, it became a large feast with everyone around the table tucking in.

Even through her drunken haze, Sophie took in the scene. It was 2am and everyone was laughing and enjoying the food. She’d just had a great night out with the girls, her first time clubbing a great success. And she didn’t have any panic attacks. Now she had Loki’s arm around her waist as they shared food. She couldn’t believe how lucky she had become.

She was home.

[julesthequirky]

Kisses Have Consequences: The Friendship Proposal

Summary: You’re Misha’s best friend. Working with him on SPN had never been a problem, until one scene, forcing you both to admit certain truths about each other and find that kisses have consequences.

Warnings: Smut, unprotected sex, adultery, explicit language, accidental pregnancy, extreme emotions, angst, drrraaaaaaaaamaaaaa.

Feedback is GOLD. If you like it, reblog it. Work is unbeta’d so all mistakes are mine. Don’t be afraid to leave a comment.

A/N: This chapter is portrayed by Misha’s point of view and then the readers. Also it’s a slightly longer chapter.

He parked outside of their apartment complex in Vancouver. When Y/N got the news that her character would become a featured regular like his character he advised her to rent out an apartment in Vancouver and as luck would have it, an apartment in his complex opened up and she snatched it the first chance she got.

They had plenty of happy times here, with only a few floors between them, no one stopped the late night movies and talks and sometimes parties either he or she pulled. All neighbours welcome. Booze was plied of course. When it came to hiatus, it became the time for long meaningful hugs and plans to take part in each others charity campaigns.

These days she never came to his and he had to stop himself from going to her. The parties stopped, the late night hang outs ended and he sat in an apartment void of her presence. He missed her. She had been his best friend and vice versa and this was getting ridiculous. He hoped he could reconnect without tipping her off about her pregnancy. He wanted to enjoy having her around again.

Right now, he sat as she was unbuckling her seatbelt. Her hand touched the car door and he reached out, placing his hand over her free hand.

“Please, this is ridiculous,” He sighed. “I want to talk about this divide between us.”

She relented and stayed, leaning back in her seat.

“I understand why you did it, but enough now. I miss you. I want to go back to how things were. Pre-kiss.”

“We’ll never have that back, Misha. You said it yourself.”

“But we can at least be friends. We can at least be friendlier to each other. I know we won't have what we once did, but maybe we could start anew? I just really miss you.”

Beside him, she stayed in her seat, contemplating his words, finally she turned to look at him.

“What if it gets too awkward? What if one of us tries to kiss the other? Again?” She asked, concerned.

It was meant for him he knew. Out of both of them, it would most likely be him to initiate another kiss and dammit, if he could he would. He knew she wouldn’t and also knew if he tried she wouldn’t let him.

“Y/N, if I’ve learnt anything in my life, I’ve definitely learnt to not repeat something that shouldn’t have happened. I’m proposing we become friends. Just friends. That’s all.”

She turned to look forward. She was thinking on it.

“I just feel guilty…”

“Stop. What’s done is done. We can't change that, but we can move on from it.”

She nodded. One of her favourite things about him (she told him), was that he always had sound advice and today he knew she couldn’t argue with that.

“You’re right.”

He didn’t want to toot his own horn, but he knew.

“Okay, but I have a condition. I don’t think we should go round each others apartments in the evenings.”

That was one of the things he had been looking forward to start back up. He swallowed his disappointment and nodded.

“Of course. Well, we can still practice any pages we get together, since our characters have become closer.”

“Sure.”

She smiled, then tilted her head in confusion.

“I do have to ask, why are we here? Why not at the set?”

“You got the day off. All your scenes have been moved to tomorrow. Ordained by higher up.”

Y/N sighed.

“There’s a lot of work to do. And it needs to be done, I don’t have time to rest, I-”

He grabbed her hand again.

“Y/N, it will be fine. Just rest. Robert allowed me today to check in on you regularly.”

She gave him that look.

“You should go back. They need you more than me, besides I’m quite capable of spending a day alone.”

Misha didn’t miss a beat.

“You spend all your days alone.”

She didn’t say anything to that.

“Come on, It’ll make a nice change and a nice introduction for our friendship renewal.”

“You won't let me say no, will you?”

“Nope.” He popped the P and began to get out of the car.

He knew by becoming her friend again he could keep a closer check on her and hopefully influence a healthier lifestyle for the baby she didn’t know she was having. He knew he was doing it for his own selfish reasons, but he couldn’t stop now.

 *

 Friends. You and Misha were now friends. Again. Seeing him in your apartment made it feel like nothing had happened between you both, worse still, he looked like he belonged. Having him around, instilled you with a sense of peace, but now, you had an air of caution. It scared you how right it was for him to be in the same space as you. He wasn’t meant for you. He already had someone else. He was meant for her.

He carried your drinks in and placed them both on eclectic coasters. Misha hadn’t gone for coffee, but instead had preferred tea. The same as you. he passed over the remote.

“So, what do you fancy watching? The Walking Dead? Bit of Vampire Diaries?” He smiled when you scrunched your nose in disgust. “No. Okay, hmm Supernatural?” He suggested, resting his chin on top of the remote.

You shook your head, giving him an odd look.

“God, no, you know I don’t like watching myself on TV.”

Whatever he would put on it didn’t matter, you were going to be too distracted to watch.

“Oh, I know.” He switched the TV on and using the remote navigated his way to Netflix, where he proceeded to search for a particular programme.

“iZombie?”

You had seen the icon on your Netflix, but hadn’t thought much of it. Zombies weren’t your cup of tea.

“I know you’re not into zombies, or scary movies, but I promise this isn’t scary and it’s good.”

You would have to trust his judgement on that.

And he was right. It was good and it wasn’t scary. The only scary thing was how he knew what you’d like. He always knew. You were hooked, yet distracted. You couldn’t help but notice the comfortable slouch of his body on your couch, didn’t want to like how his leg felt touching yours and you couldn’t stop yourself peeking when his lips curved over the mug when he took a sip of tea. It was torture. No matter how much you wanted to kiss him, you couldn’t. You wouldn’t.

Misha had been right. No matter what you felt about him, it wouldn’t change. It didn’t when you kept your distance. Instead it had been torture. You had missed him, so much more over those few weeks, obsessed about him, but never asking about him. He had been your best friend for about five years. His constant presence had been a comfort and without it you felt empty and alone.

It was dumb how much you loved him.

You hadn’t thought about it before. Of course it made sense now. You loved him. The kiss, the night after and the distance away put it into perspective for you. It was wrong. You couldn’t love a married man, yet you did.

You didn’t know whether or not to tell him. It would alter this new attempt at friendship he had kindly offered. It wouldn’t go away. The statement pecked away at your conciousness, miring any other thoughts from coming.

You got up, making an excuse to make a drink and forgetting to offer him one.

“I can make it.”

You shook your head.

“I can make a drink, Misha.”

“I know but you're meant to be resting.”

He wasn’t going to let up.

“It’s one drink.”

You were anxious to get some more space between the two of you. You walked into your kitchenette and flicked on the kettle.

“Y/N, is everything okay? I mean, you almost leapt out of your seat, you decline my offer when you know you should be resting and you seem to want to make more space between us.”

“You're thinking too much into it.”

“You're holding your mug pretty damn tight and it’s still hot, as I can see the steam from it.” You looked into your hot mug. Then put it aside. “What the hell’s wrong. Do you not want be friends any more?”

Oh God.

“I can't tell you. It’s dumb.”

The kettle was loud at this point, frustrating him, making him flip the switch back up, ceasing the kettle to boil.

“I don’t care if it sounds dumb. You’ve told me plenty of ‘dumb’ things before.”

You had your back to him.

“It would change this new dynamic.”

He made a sound, somewhere between a scoff and a sigh.

“Please, just tell me.”

It was on the tip of your tongue. Your hands held onto the counter, biting your lip, forcing yourself to stop yourself from telling.

“Is it bad?”

“You shook your head, then nodded.

“For me, I guess.”

“Whatever it is I bet we can figure out what to do. I just- I want you to be comfortable with telling me stuff again. I missed that.”

It was coming. And crap, it was getting harder to keep it in. He shouldn’t know, but dammit.

“I love you.”

You didn’t look at him, a weight of relief off you. He was quiet for a moment.

“Oh…”

He didn’t have to love you back. Better if he didn’t. Now you turned to him. He stood there, looking at you.

“Forget I said anything. Forget I even said those words. I’ll take them back.”

He moved then, and grasped your upper arms in his hands. You looked up into his ultramarine blue eyes.

“God, no. Don’t take them back and I certainly don’t want to forget.”

You could hear his heart in his chest beating hard against his ribcage. He rested his forehead against yours.

“This changes things, Mish.”

A hand left your arm and he put a finger to your lips making you suck in a breath.

“It will only change if you want it to,” He paused for a moment. “I will never forget those words, Y/N. You’re being honest with yourself and with me.”

His finger moved away, for his hand to cup your jaw, his lush full lips, brushing yours.

“We can't” You barely whispered.

“I’m telling you how I feel.” He responded and pressed his lips to yours.

Misha Fic Tags:

@goobykeding, @greenappleeyes, @sugarcookiedean

EVERYTHING!!

@one-to-beam-up @missjenniferb @dean-winchesters-bacon @mypassionsarenysins @ezilyamuzed @curly-haired-disaster

@supernatural-teamfreewillpage

[hydrospanners]

A-Z on the writing meme because I need to know absolutely everything immediately.

WELP okay but just remember you asked for what’s about to happen. meme is here. most of this is under a cut cause i’m longwinded as hell.

A. If you could rec a piece of music to accompany one of your fics, what would you pick? Why?

Um I absolutely was vibing to Lips by The xx when I wrote a wish your heart makes and you should too.

B. Who’s your favorite side-character from something you wrote?

I feel like the answer here is supposed to be Doc because he is not The Main Character in the game but also I have written about him and from his POV so much it feels unfair to call him a side character at this point. So instead I’m going to say this random woman named Cherita who was just trying to make a midnight snack for her pregnant wife from a little eggstra. I thought she had a lot of character for someone I pulled out of my ass for the sake of an outside perspective.

C. Get any good comments on your stuff this year?

I am thirsty for praise and I feel every single comment is a good comment but I think the one that sticks out to me is when I wrote a wish your heart makes someone said something like “if you like doc at all you have to read this” and I don’t remember who it was or where they said it but it really stuck with me!!! If that was you, thank you!!!!

D. Any drawings or pictures that had a big influence on your writing?

No!!! I feel guilty about this answer somehow but it’s true. I think it would be a fun challenge to try to write a piece of fic inspired by someone’s art so I may play with that idea next year (Editor’s Note: it was still 2k18 when I wrote the answer for this one) but for 2k18 the answer is no. :(

E.  Who’s your favorite main character you’ve written?

I feel like this answer is obvious but it’s my girl Rea. I’ve reincarnated her as an Inquisitor and a Pathfinder but the OG Jedi Knight is still my fave.

F. What stories are you planning for the future?

I won’t pretend that a lot of planning goes in to my fic. I normally only write short bits so it kind of goes like this: I have a concept, I write the bit I fixate on, and then it sits in my WIPs for five years until I get motivated during some Fictober or something to finally finish it.

I will say I do have serious designs to finally finish the second chapter of the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one as that one is a little more complex than stuff I usually write. I have plans to do some kinda flashback-y thing that finally lays out The Velaran Backstory in clear and obvious terms after years of hints and tidbits I’ve been peppering through my fic. I also have a thing planned and kinda partly written about the first instance of horrific violence in the lives of all the Knight’s companions. Also I have a long series of AU vignettes that glimpses into universes where Rea is a Sith or Kira never made it off Korriban or Rusk remained a pacifist or where Rea never joined the Jedi after losing her family the second time. Stuff like that.

G. Where do you think you grew the most this year?

Structure? I’ve been really working on trusting my reader to bridge some gaps and not letting myself get caught up in details that are important for me to know to write the next part but that don’t necessarily need to be in the story. I think I’ve really tightened up my game where trimming the fat and staying focused are concerned.

H.  How do you write? Paper, pen, computer? Music, no music?

My fic writing process is very different from when I am trying to write original stuff and is even kind of different depending on the mood I’m going for? I always write fic in Google Drive cause I write fic from a lot of different machines and need the easy cloud saving.

My ideal condition for fic writing is listening to instrumental music or ambient sounds playing through headphones either in a coffeehouse or the library or when I am at home completely alone. Angst and smut are best written at night with the lights low and warm. Comedy and fluff are best written in the late afternoon/early evening after one single alcoholic beverage (any more than and one I am drunk and no longer capable of writing).

Realistically though, I usually write in whatever time I have. Mostly at work. My job requires me to sit at a desk and wait for things to happen. Since I start work at 5am, things usually aren’t happening. Even with me going out of my way to create new work for myself and excel at what work I do have, I have a lot of downtime. I spend it writing fic. I get interrupted too much to have the focus I need for original writing, but fic writing is much easier so mostly I write my fic at this bland little desk under the terrible fluorescent lights with lots of noise and interruptions, occasionally playing a thematic playlist very quietly in the background.

I.  What’s your favorite work you did this year? Why?

This is a very tough question. Surprisingly, I published a lot of things that I really liked? ([not pictured: me high fiving me for finally allowing myself to state that I like my own writing]) I think I’ll go with when the wicked play if I have to pick just one. Relative to my other work I think it’s very structurally sound and thematically focused and pretty efficient with its characterization and imagery without ever getting too sparse. Also I’m a slut for examining the commonplace nature of violence and brutality in the Star Wars universe.

J.  What are the best jokes you told this year? Any jokes you thought were funny that people didn’t catch? Vice-versa?

I’m gonna say the pun I used as the title for bars and stripes. Honestly the whole fic is a joke and I like it and I don’t care if anyone catches it or not because I know that I am hilarious and no one will ever convince me otherwise.

K. Who have you killed this year? Why did they have to die?

No one, I think? I don’t think I even mentioned any specific off-screen deaths except for shit from the decades old Tragic Backstories. Not even Valkoriate. I’m not an especially murderful writer, maybe because I haven’t had to deal with a lot of that kind of loss in my own life. Mostly I write about things that are somehow adjacent to my own emotional state/journey. That’s why I fixate a lot on the weight of duty and moral philosophy and the nuances and complications of relationships, of how you can hurt someone and be hurt by them and still love them and how messy yet fulfilling the whole thing is. Thankfully--for me--not a lot of grieving the dead in there yet.

L.  Which character did you most write about this year, and why do you like ‘em?

Pretty sure it’s Rea. Maybe Doc because of the Docember thing I squeezed in at the last second but I’m still pretty sure it’s Rea. Pretty sure it always is.

There’s a particular kind of release I get from writing her because her whole sloppy person is a part of me that doesn’t often see the light of day. I won’t say she’s aspirational because I like who I am and I don’t have any special destiny or Force powers or anything to save me when the consequences of living like she does catch up. But there are pieces of her that I admire, pieces that are still part of me that I have a hard time expressing, and spending time with her gives me a little more strength to unlock those dark musty corners of who I am, I guess? Writing Rea makes me a little more bold, a little less apologetic, a little less prone to overthinking and anxious fretting and a little more prone to doing. She makes me feel strong enough to ask for the things I want and confident enough to feel like I deserve them.

Also she is a damn good time, even when she’s falling apart.

M. Meta! Have any meta about a story you’re dying to throw out there?

Of course I do. I could ramble for hours about the story behind any single one of my stories. Aren’t all of us creative types like that??? Don’t we all love to talk about what we were going for and why we made the choices we did??? What we liked and what we think needs improvement??? Why we wanted to make the thing we made in the first place???

I could ramble about this for hours and honestly the possibilities are overwhelming so I am not going to go into any detail and just say yes. Obviously I am willing to ramble about the story behind every single story I’ve published but there’s 63 of them so if there’s something specific you want to hear about you’ll have to ask about the specific one!!!

N. Anything you were planning to write that never got written?

Nothing will ever be “never got written” until I am dead and unable to write. I am still going back to WIPs from 2014. I am rewriting garbage exercises I wrote in 2013. I like to think everything in my WIP folder will eventually be moved to my Published folder and I am going to keep thinking that until I am physically incapable of writing.

O. Do you believe in outlines? Show us one!

I believe in them very much and yet I do not practice them usually. I rely on them more with my original work which is longer and more involved and doesn’t already have a convenient structure to follow in the form of 300000 hours of video game. Most of my fic is really short, just a single scene or so. I usually start out by writing the moment that inspired me to write the fic and fill in the before and after. I do have an outline for the second half of the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one but I don’t really want to share it for something that isn’t written yet!

P. What are your pet peeves in other people’s work?

This question makes me kinda uncomfortable so here we go with some disclaimers: I write the stories that I want to read or that I really need to tell to satisfy something inside of me and I assume other authors do the same. I don’t want to say anything here that might have a chilling effect on someone exploring some idea they really need to explore, even if it’s tired or cliche or offends my own tastes. Writing is very personal and I think everyone should tell the stories they want to, whether anyone else likes them or not.

That being said, I am always desperately wishing for more media about close, intimate friendships and familial bonds. As someone who isn’t interested in sexual or romantic relationships, it makes me weep basically every time I read a story about characters who are friends or family that give that kind of relationship all of the value and weight and nuance that you see romantic relationships getting. It is a very special kind of feeling to see that it is possible for people to value what I have to offer them as much they might value someone who will romance them and sleep with them. It is very validating to see the possibility of emotional intimacy with people outside of romantic/sexual partners.

But I would never want anyone to feel bad about or stop writing their romances and their smut. That stuff speaks to people and that’s what fic is about. Telling the story that speaks to you. I want everyone to write what they want to write and if that leaves gaps, well that’s why I started writing fic in the first place. There was a story I needed to read and no one had written it yet, so I did it myself.

TL;DR Genfic & friendfic & familyfic is the greatest gift anyone could ever give me, but no one should write to satisfy other people. Always write for yourself first and foremost.

Q. Quote three bits of writing you read his year. Can be your writing, or not.

I keep little quotes everywhere--index cards and sticky notes scattered among all my belongings, snippets on my phone, untitled documents on every cloud service there is, random word docs hidden amongst my many hard drives--but the only ones I can find right now are from @meonlyred‘s Dark Horse so please enjoy three bits from that fic that I loved:

They remained sitting on the floor, Rossa leaned against him, eyes staring into the distance. Her silence might as well have been weeping.

I just love how I can feel the vacant, numb quality of her despair in this line. How it feels more poignant for its lack of drama.

“You're an idiot and I hate your hair,” Jonas said over the rim of his glass.

I mean.... Do I need to explain this?

He had never believed in happily ever afters. Not for him, at least. But the cruelest thing about being with Rossa was that he had begun to believe that maybe, just maybe, it was possible.

Closing his eyes, Theron didn’t expect to open them again.

This little snippet still punches me in the gut no matter how many times I read it. It’s so relateable and so Theron and so painful.

R. If you had to rewrite one of your stories from scratch, which one would it be? What would you do to it?

I don’t think I’d rewrite any of them? At least half of my fic has been completely rewritten once or twice before it ever gets published so I mostly have it out of my system before anyone else sees it.

S. What’s the sexiest thing you wrote this year?

a wish your heart makes. It may also be the saddest thing I wrote this year which I consider an achievement. (I was asked for smut but I literally do not know how to write just smut without anything else going on in the story.)

T. Themes, motherfucker, do you have them? What are they?

The importance and nature of family (it is what you make it and not what you were born with! but sometimes you get lucky and get to choose the one you were born with!)! The cost/impact of violence and war! Failure and coming back from failure! The nature of what is right and what is wrong and how much responsibility any one individual bears for the moral direction of their society!!!!

I don’t think I’ve ever written anything that didn’t include at least one of these concepts and most of my stuff deals heavily in at least two of them.

U. Any stories that took a abrupt u-turn from where you thought they were going?

Yep! I was trying to make a stupid joke about a haircut when I started making take back what the kingdom stole but in working my way backward from the joke I ended up with a heartfelt exploration of my character’s past emotional trauma, her character growth, and the nature of friendship and forgiveness.

V. Which story was the most viscerally pleasing to write? Tell us your narrative kinks.

I don’t know that I would necessarily call the sensation pleasing but, once again, the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one was probably the story that made me feel the most, that I was the most connected to. It hit on every single one of the themes I find compelling and I really got to play with telling the story in the white spaces, which is something I really love. I’ve been working a lot on trusting my readers and not over-explaining and I think this story really saw the impact of that work, stylistically. It’s peak self-indulgence honestly.

W.  Who are your favorite writers?

Does this mean like authors of original published works or fic writers????? How am I supposed to choose???!!!! Either way my reading habits this year have been abominable. I have really been going through some shit, lifewise, (not bad shit but emotionally consuming and time consuming nonetheless) and I had to let the reading go a little bit.

I have been really into NK Jemisin though. Her stories are complex and challenging and there is so much poetry and power in the straightforward way she tells them. I also was obsessed with the Temeraire series by Naomi Novik. The characters were so textured and real with such clear voices and the relationships and ideas were so complex and compelling, yet the story never got weighed down by the heft of the subjects. She has a very light touch as a storyteller that makes her work so easily digestible without making her tale any less impactful or profound.

As for fic…. I’ve got about forty million fics bookmarked, waiting for me to get around to reading them and I am the worst kind of person because I have not yet read any of them. I’m behind on reading one of my very favorite fics right now. I think I’ve read a total of like ten fics this year and straight up probably only read that many because I was doing a bit of beta’ing.

I’m gonna do better in 2019 and I’ll get back to you on all the good shit I’ve read then.

X.  What’s your least favorite work of this year?

crapshoot. It was a really old concept that probably would have been better as visual art than a fic but my artistic talents were too limited so I wrote it instead. It could probably stand a little more meat and a lot more polish, but I don’t have the time to try and turn every goofy image in my head into a fictional masterpiece.

Y. Why did you write? For fun, for a friend, for acclaim?

For fame and fortune obviously. It’s why most of my fic is about a super popular ship in an enormous fandom.

Or, y’know… not. I write for fun and because I have to. Because there are stories inside of me I want to tell, ideas I feel compelled to explore, things I need to say. It doesn’t matter if anyone else hears them or likes them; I need to get them out of me. Also it’s a really great way to work through my own emotional turmoil at a safe distance, so I can engage with what vexes me without being consumed by it.

Z. If you could choose one work and immediately finish it, what would it be? How would you end it?

the things you do for love are gonna come back to you one by one. It’s the most self-indulgent thing I’ve written probably but it means a lot to me and if I knew how it ended I would have finished it months ago. D:

[denimini]

I actually want Jungkook to see how shitty the fandom is. To see what the TKers say. I know Jimin sees it, but I honestly want JK to see what happens. I know JK doesn't give af what ppl think of him but I wonder what he'll do when he sees what they say about Jimin in regards to him. lol I'm sorry but I actually hate how they love the fandom so much when it treats them and their friendship like shit.

Hey, Anon. 

I know your  ask was in regards to the “Jimin not being GCF main model” situation and the storm it brought with it, so I’m sorry for being late.

I think you got your wish a few days later when Jimin forgot to write Tae’s name and all hell broke loose. Hate tweets, hate hashtags, death threats.. you name it, Jimin got it all. Mostly from solo Tae stans but sadly from OT6 “ARMY’s” too, many of who t/k shippers. A quick disclaimer here: I know many many many Tae and t/k stans are respectful and love Jimin and would never harm Jimin but let’s be honest - all ships have some nasty bad apples and in this particular case we really got to see exactly how nasty some of the t/k and Tae biased ones can get. 

I politely disagree with you, Anon. I never ever want Jungkook or anyone from BTS to see hateful messages, especially because of something as dumb as ships (don’t attack me, I’m a shipper/supporter too). With Kookie and Jimin I’m even more sensitive considering the amount of insults that these two had gotten through the years from “ARMYs”. When I said that JK might have had a little too much faith in the fandom saying that “not main model” thing, I didn’t mean that he is naive or oblivious but that maybe he thought he had already made it perfectly clear how special JM is to him and believed people woudn’t actually turn this into another “I don’t like Jimin” charade. Unfortunately he was wrong.

Nevertheless, Jungkook is (hasn’t been for a time now) blind to the way twitter can be. In fact, I would say he is the one who has suffered the most from it (well, with the recent hate for Jimin they might be tied now). Maybe some of you don’t know but it is not without a reason that JK left twitter and now posts only once in a blue moon if it’s a major event and even then it’s not a given. For those of you who don’t know, we may say Jungkook was basically scared off Twitter with the way how ARMYs acted towards him. Let me give you some infro on one (of at least two) particularly gruesome instance: the hell that happened after BTS “Rainism” special stage.  Bangtan bomb behind the scenes here. Jimin’s tweet about it here.  

Kookie was very excited that he got the chance to be center the entire perfomance and he did a tremendous job, yet lets just say what he received from the fandom was far from nice. People started calling him “selfish”, “arrogant”, they tweeted how he should leave the band, OT6 tweets were everywhere. There were mean hashtags trending how BTS will be better without JK.. a complete mess. And all because he was happy to be at the spotlight the entire time once.Just once. How would this people support him in his solo projects if this was their reaction to one performance. It’s no suprise he left twitter after that and was radio silent for half an year. He rightfully decided he didn’t need that type of negativity in his life and I can’t say I don’t understand him. Everyone should be thankful to Jimin for feeding us pictures and videos of him otherwise we would have died from starvation. 

So you see, Anon, he is far from oblivious to the hate.

When it comes to ships and ship wars it’s a little different:

Do the members know about ships? Absolutely. Most likely from the get go. This is common in kpop and it’s something that is used and promoted to gain popularity so of course they know. Also, they see comments saying “Jikook” or “T*ekook” everywhere - in the youtube comments, under their tweets, in the vlive comments, so they know. In fact how could they not know when people keep bringing ships up to them at fansigns for example? 

Do they know about the ship wars? Yes for all, maybe to a different extent. At the very least when they scroll through the comments under vlives they see people saying “Where’s ta*kook”, “I don’t like Jikook”, “Bring t**kook” and etc. Such comments Jimin and Jungkook for sure saw in their last vlive together when they were scrolling though them at the beginning of the video. We can safely conclude that they know there’s separation in the fandom between the the main Min and Kook ships (you know which ones). 

To what extent do they know? Debatable. We know Jimin monitors twitter and fan cafe a lot, he has said so himself. He must have seen the many many comments there about the ships even if a lot of them are in English. Jimin has also notoriously shut people up a few times when it comes to ships with his tweets so he must know. 

Does JK monitor twitter? Probably yes to a lot smaller extent. Even if not, we can guess he knows from Jimin with which he is very close and apparently has no secrets from. Also, I assume he read at least people’s reactions to GCFo which sparked some shipping controversery on it’s own. 

Do they care about ship wars?  I would guess they care more about the state of the fandom than the hype every little thing gets but I believe from time to time they care if people are being particularly mean (as with the recent Jimin hate). 

Do they act in certain ways because of ships? Well, they as well as the company know we like certain pairing more than others which influences photoshoots arrangements and such. Also fan service is still a thing even though BTS fan service is largely very genuine. If needs be (like at musters) they amp up the skinship but they care a lot about each othe rand are very close so nothing is “fake” just amplified. 

What I mean with this long ass answer is that the boys know probably about everything - the ships, the reactions to them, the hate. They know. Even if they didn’t know about the “problematic side”, after the recent Jimin and Jin hate incident they must know for sure now. So there’s no need to wish for JK to see the hate as he is probably well aware of it currently. Once upon a time, when he was younger, he genuinely didn’t know people thought he hated Jimin, hence why he was so offended when asked if he really liked him. After that I believe he made sure to inform himself what that “hate JM” issue is and haven’t been that oblivious ever since.

There’s also no wondering how Jungkook will react to the hate towards Jimin. JK can’t stand seeing any of his hyungs getting hurt, let alone Jimin, let alone because of himself. He is always silent when people are teasing his “Jimin-ssi”, he’s the first to defend him even from his own bandmates, he made a whole ass video about him to the song “There for you”. It’s no news: Kookie would be pretty distraught to see Jimin’s name through the mud especially because of something he did. He would probably feel very bad and guilty.

I really don’t want that. In fact I don’t get why anyone would want that. Is it because you’re wondering about JK’s reaction? Becase there’s no need, we can safely guess he would be very unhappy. If you kind of want him to see the hate as a sort of “punishment” for his wrongdoing (I doubt that’s the case) then I think that’s going overboard as there’s no need for a “punishment” to begin with. JK didn’t do anything wrong. Even if he seriously meant it that Jimin’s not the main model, it’s his right and it’s not that big of a deal. No-one even claimed that Jimin should be the main one in the first place, I for one would understand and find it completely normal if Jungkook’s work doesn’t include Jimin every time. So, basically JK did nothing  to be punished for. Sure, if he was teasing maybe he could have worded himself better and Jimin didn’t seem very happy but it’s not like Jungkook can monitor every single little thing he says or does all the time.

It’s not his fault that the fandom can take even the littlest things and turn them into a sh*t storm nor is it his responsibiltiy to always predict and prevent everything. 

Even if we assume JK did or potentially one day does something downright unjistice or hurtful to Jimin, it is still not our place to meddle or want him punished. By now they for sure know how to settle conflicts so even if JK hurts Jimin’s feeling (or vice versa) it is between them to deal with it in whatever way they find fitting. We are merely observers, we don’t have the right to dictate their behaviour. 

Which leads me to my last point: if perhaps you wished JK to see the hate in order for him to change his behaviour, I find that a little problematic. Firstly, because as I said he didn’t do anything wrong and basically never does anything to hurt Jimin in pulic let alone intentionally. Secondly, because it is not our place to wish how they should be towards each other. We get what we can, we don’t make demands. Third and most important: I don’t want Jungkook to think he can’t be himself because of what people might say. Sure, he should be respectful but that he already is. Once upon a time he was confused people thought he hated Jimin and since then he made sure to change how he acted in front of the cameras: he no longer pushes Jimin away or puts him in last place in looks. Jungkook did his homework and corrected himself, even though even back than anyone with eyes could see he cared a lot for his hyung. Now he is so gentle and thoughtful. One can say he even tries to prevent problems by always choosing Jimin for everything when he has the chance, always staying near his side, sitting next to him. He is careful both in words and actions and I believe he is that away not just in front of the cameras but privately as well. 

He doesn’t need “corrections” because the problem is not with him. It’s with the fandom.

I’d hate for him to think he can’t tease Jimin (or his other hyungs), be honest about something with us or have interactions/take pictures/hug/laugh with Tae (or another member) because of what people might say. Having to monitor every single little thing JK (or any of the other members) does or says takes away from the relationship the group has with the fans. It also puts extra stress on them to be careful, further disconnects them from ARMY and contributes to them feeling like wearing a mask. 

I don’t want Jungkook or Jimin or any of Bangtan to have to feel the neccesity to change how they act and how they present themselves in front of us, especially because of hateful comments and toxic shipping. They are already concerned with their image enough as it is, they don’t need to worry about it any more. It’s us that should change. The fandom should stop overreacting over every little thing, shippers should stop hating on a member because he “comes between their ship”, people should stop being hateful and mean to the members in general. 

It’s the people who write rude and hurtful comments that should feel bad and not Jungkook reading them because he is plenty considerate, nice and genuine as it is. 

[love-takes-work]

SDCC Steven Universe Panel Highlights

I thought I’d summarize some details on the San Diego Comic Con panel for anyone who wants it.

The panel at SDCC opened with a live singing of the theme song.

Zach Callison is the moderator. He introduced the guests: Michaela Dietz (Amethyst), Deedee Magno Hall (Pearl), Estelle (Garnet), AJ Michalka (Stevonnie), and of course Rebecca Sugar. He gives her congrats on the Emmy nomination (which is for "Mr. Greg" if you didn't know). Then he asks the other cast members some questions. This is all paraphrased, not direct quoting.

Zach to Michaela: What Amethyst quotes do you use most in daily life?

Michaela says that when she wakes up, she makes noises that sound like her Gem is cracked. Then she says maybe she should change her answer to "womp womp."

Zach breaks in with "Which way to the baby war?" as his favorite.

Zach to Deedee: What songs do you sing around the house?

She responds "Which do I NOT sing?" She likes "Love Like You" in the shower. "Steven and the Stevens" when she's doing dishes, and "Peace and Love" a lot lately. Her kids are learning the songs on piano and ukulele, so there's lots of SU tunes happening in her house.

Zach to Estelle: How has the popularity of the show affected your music career?

Estelle basically says a new generation of people are noticing her music and realizing she is the singer on songs they encounter in the wild. Zach says he grew up on "American Boy." ;)

Zach to AJ: How has Stevonnie changed since their first appearance?

She says Stevonnie has learned a lot, and has more confidence now.

Then the cast does a great little line read of the scene when Stevonnie first appears, beginning with them barging in with "Pretty cool right?" The voice actors all say their parts and perform it slightly differently, which is cute. Then they do a version of "Here Comes a Thought" with Estelle and AJ!

Zach to Rebecca: What's next on Steven Universe?

(Of course she laughs.)

Rebecca says the show has recently had so many huge events, so there will be lots of fallout, like a roller coaster from here on out. Then they show a clip. It's sort of like a trailer. It's all about Lapis's conflictedness not wanting to get caught in another war, Homeworld's future actions, Pearl being unable to properly explain the context of everything even though she wants to, and Greg not knowing his place in all this.

Zach says he hadn't seen it yet.

Then they talk a bit about the Save the Light game coming out. A trailer for the game pops up and it includes footage that hasn't been seen. Including a new character: Squaridot, a Peridot from Homeworld.

Rebecca was very involved in the making of the game. She says having a console game is a dream come true because they could do so much more than with the small mobile game, Attack the Light. There are Fusions and original characters, and the mechanics are relationship-based, and Greg is a player character who can play guitar. She likes that Squaridot is a Peridot who hasn't made the kind of progress that Peridot has made. They segue to say Shelby Rabara (Peridot's voice actor) is taking over social media for the week.

Then they talk about the Art and Origins book being out, and how there's a SDCC-exclusive version. Launching also is the podcast, a 10-episode production, about the production of the show. McKenzie Atwood is the host. Rebecca and Steven were Episode 1--I've already heard this (and I seem to recall there wasn't really a lot of new info except that the Gem writing in the Kindergarten will say who each section belongs to if you can read it, and that a lot of Ishtar imagery was used, including the 7 lions and the stars). Rebecca did episode 1 of the podcast with her brother, and says she wishes she could do everything with Steven. Zach and Grace are Episode 2.  

They talk about how the soundtrack Volume 1 is out, and announce that a vinyl version is out in fall! A limited-run Stronger than You and Love Like You vinyl single is out for SDCC.

Then they play a name-the-song game with SU cosplayers. They complimented a Pearl cosplayer's cool spear too. They read lyrics, tell what song it's from, and if the player gets it right, they win a vinyl single. Quiz songs included "Love Like You," "Wailing Stone," "Let Me Drive My Van Into Your Heart," "Steven and the Stevens," "It's Over, Isn't It," "What's the Use of Feeling (Blue)," and "Comet." Most people got them right, but if they got it wrong they got to try another one.

Then there's a Q&A, which I'm paraphrasing the 12 questions:

1. Audience member: Fluorite is a polyamorous relationship, right? What inspired it?

Rebecca said she went to an LGBTQ center in Long Beach and chatted about what stuff they really wanted to see. Poly relationships came up. (So yes, that's confirmed, though in my opinion it really didn't have to be since they were pretty clear about it!)

2. Audience member: Fan theories--do they influence you or do you have a master plan?

Rebecca says she loves fan theories, but they work way further in the future, so no, they really don't influence what the story does. She has loved reading the theories about the trial, because some are onto something, and some are like way off. Zach says the good stuff gets downvoted a lot.

3. Audience member: Says a favorite character of theirs is Rainbow Quartz, and wants to know will we see a version of her with Steven?

Rebecca says of course she can't give spoilers, but that Rainbow Quartz 2.0 would inevitably be different. Then she quickly says, "Forget I said that."

4. Audience member: How old is Lion? Have we seen all his powers?

Rebecca says it's a good question and can't say exactly. The episode "Buddy's Book" gives a hint at the general time when Rose was spending time with seven lions. That's a gauge for how old Lion is. She implies that Lion does have more to show us about what he can do.

5. Audience member: Regarding the "Off Colors" episode, which Off Color do you relate to?

Rebecca immediately says "Rhodonite, the neurotic." Then Zach says he relates to Padparadscha because he'll trail off in the middle of a sentence. Deedee says she relates to that too.

6. Audience member: On writing music for the show--any challenges?

Rebecca says it's very challenging--they're given no extra time to work on the songs. "Mr. Greg" was most challenging of course. Zach is glad the Emmys recognized Rebecca's extra hours. He said he had a hard time when his voice changed. "Puberty is a thing," he says, while talking about some songs he struggled with.

7. Audience member: Will there be a Blu-Ray?

Rebecca would like it. Making it happen will take more moments like this (the panel, people showing up for the show).

8. Audience member: Did Yellow Diamond shatter Pink Diamond?

Dude.

Zach: "We won't tell anyone what you say Rebecca."

Rebecca just says she's really excited about the next run because it was a chance to do a real murder mystery.

9. Audience member: What inspired you to use gems/rocks?

Rebecca: "Aesthetic! It'd look cool!" But she learned a lot about myths. Smoky Quartz was fun to learn about gem trivia for, building important symbolism into their character. Estelle said gems are just really pretty, that's enough of a reason.

10. Audience member: How often do you write a song and then build an episode around it or vice versa?

Rebecca says it depends. Character stories will need a song when dialogue just isn't enough. "Here Comes a Thought" was unusual since it came before the episode. She wanted it to be a tool to teach kids about mindfulness meditation.

11. Audience member: Do you anticipate what's going to be popular on your show?

Rebecca says on the inside they focus on loving what they're making. Team ideas that are spur of the moment seem to catch on most with the fans too. They discuss Padparadscha's immense popularity. Sapphires are sort of Zelda-like, Rebecca says, and she wanted one who reminded her of Peach. Lamar Abrams came up with the idea of making her hair kinda look like a crown to increase the feeling that she has a matching vibe.

12. Audience member: On Lars' development: was it planned initially?

Rebecca says it happened naturally. He's one of the oldest characters in the show, and she was drawing him in college. Lars-n-Sadie comics are older than SU. (This was already known but apparently some people didn't know they predate the show.) So of course they were always going to be important. (Zach says Lars was important in the pilot for calling Steven names.)