#nO IDEA WHAT I WAS DOING FOR MATTHIAS

[veryaren]

reaction image for when short fur affinity kleptomaniac won't put your cravat down

[sacchiri]

Hellsing 2002 calendar illustration.

Ein wunderliche und erschröckliche Hystori von einem großen Wüttrich genant Dracole wayda Der do so ganz unkristenliche marrter hat angelegt die mensche, als mit spissen als auch die leut zu Tod geslyffen

A wondrous and frightening story about a great berserk called Dracula the voivode who inflicted such unchristian tortures such as with stakes and also dragged people to death

[i-dont-even-know-by-this-point]

Idk guys something about a Beauty and the Beast Helnik AU is really tickling my brainworms (spoilers ahead for CK)

Not a 1-for-1 adaptation — I think it’d be interesting if, like in SoC, they both got stranded together somewhere rather than Matthias holding her hostage for the whole thing… or at least, it’s got something to do with the drüskelle & Nina getting captured, and then they end up stranded somewhere afterwards, like in the book.

Anyway, it could work quite well with Matthias (beast) learning from Nina (Belle) and changing his views about Grisha and stuff. Maybe he got cursed by a Grisha or something? Maybe Nina has something to do with why he’s in whatever beasty situation he’s in?

It might also be interesting if Nina is actively being pursued by drüskelle, and that’s what drives her into staying with Matthias — a lesser of two evils kind of thing? Maybe?

And then the parallels with ahem… the Beast getting killed at the end… BUT! The Beast survives so Matthias can too. He will. He must. He— [machine gun fire]

[hungwood]

/ I can only imagine how as he grew up, Matthias began to resent the art of puppetry and all that was tied to it, the smell of acrylic paint drying, the rugged texture of papier mache, the old yet reliable saw he had to keep on sharpening to cut through wood, the texture of dusty fingers after sanding clay; truth be told, his interest in puppet-making wasn't born from thin air nor was it an intrinsical 'Czernin family' ingredient that all members were simply born with and that he happened to naturally acquire; to a young Matthias, the world of puppets was only a tool to feel closer to his parents, to receive praise and love, to get noticed. To feel like he belonged to the family, that he was one of them. This however proved to never be enough as his parents were simply too focused on the praise they could get from their craft, always aspiring for better mechanisms, livelier and more colorful puppets, whatever could sell and bring them a higher status.

Pretending, pushing that enthusiasm to a point that went beyond what it actually weighed was naturally not enough, and this hope he had of having something that could help him bond with his parents turned into bitterness as time passed. He simply could not keep up with it and in turn, it hardened his heart. It brought apathy to him, it made him withdraw more to himself, and in turn, this led to him eventually getting replaced by Louis, the livelier friendlier version of Matthias, the Matthias his parents 'knew', the better one

[wisheswagered]

fred / evelyn / richard / lily as a new group for me to focus on?? hmm... i am thinking...

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Every time I mention that Wylan can speak Fjerdan on here someone will inevitable say something about how he doesn’t really know it/isn’t very good at it and I have to fight the urge to start an argument with them because the whole point is that everyone (though most specifically Jesper) was unknowingly practicing the same cruelty to Wylan that his father does by devaluing his intelligence and potentially implying that he was stupid for only knowing the spoken form of the language rather than the written and the immediate assumption is always that Wylan can’t do something properly because of factors that are purely beyond his control and just because the crowd don’t know what they re doing doesn’t mean they didn’t do it, it’s the change they make when they do know that makes the difference and Wylan’s ability to fucking sing in Fjerdan saves Jesper’s life and I am a Wylan-and-Matthias-are-best-friends agenda spouter so I love the idea that they would speak to each other in Fjerdan os I’m gonna keep going on about it but anyway I don’t like arguments and I hope this doesn’t start any but I wanted to say that because so much of Wylan and Jesper’s early interactions are unintentionally damaging to Wylan with the constant rhetorics of “useless” and “idiot” and the immediate switch up in Jesper’s language later on is so fucking important anyway I need to go to sleep this may not even make sense I’m too tired I might have said this in too much absolutes bc like obviously there’s always layers to it and different interpretations and all but u just feel like this is an important layer and no one talks about it yk

[rubysunnday]

to leave you behind

a/n: let's not talk about how long its been or the fact this is likely (maybe) the last time i'll write for s&b...

summary: reader takes jurda parem instead of nina and kaz is losing it

To Y/N, they'd all accepted their imminent deaths far too easily. They'd done the impossible, they'd broken into the Ice Court. They were not about to die in a tank, a few hundred metres from the Ferolind and freedom.

She glanced over at Kaz. They'd hardly spoken since he'd fainted in the prison wagon. He'd been avoiding her gaze whenever they'd been together and barely acknowledging her existence.

Y/N was growing tired of it. She loved him, she'd come to accept that truth whilst wafting through the crowds at the Ice Court. Perhaps, deep down, hidden and suppressed, he loved her too.

But she had been waiting for too long. Her heart was aching and her mind was tired of the not knowing, of the constant hatred and love all at once.

Y/N looked from Kaz to the rest of their group. She loved them all in different ways. She trusted them all and knew that she'd gladly die for them all.

Which made the next decision that bit easier.

She turned to Kuwei. He noticed her gaze and looked back at her. Y/N didn't speak. The boys eyes widened.

"You don't understand -"

"I understand, Kuwei," Y/N said softly.

Kuwei reached into his pocket and pulled out the little leather pouch that had begun this whole heist.

"Y/N, what are you -" Kaz trailed off as his eyes fell upon the pouch, its rim stained with a rust-coloured powder.

"You're all out of tricks, Kaz," Y/N said, taking the pouch from Kuwei. She shrugged, a sad smile on her face. "What else is there?"

"No, Y/N, don't be ridiculous," Inej warned.

"Personally I think this is my greatest idea yet," Y/N replied, trying to hide her shaking hands. "Besides, not everyone gets addicted after the first dose."

"You can't risk it, Y/N!" Inej exclaimed.

"No, Y/N, she's right, it's not worth it," Nina said. "I'll do it."

"No," Matthias said, shaking his head furiously.

Y/N laughed tiredly. "I have no one to fight for me, Nina," she said softly, trying not to look at Kaz. "You do."

The voice echoed out from amongst the Fjerdan ranks, counting down, getting ever closer to the end. Y/N took a deep breath in. She mentally counted to three and then turned to look at Kaz.

She was aware of everyone else around them trying not to look. Y/N shifted her weight from right to left, bringing herself closer to Kaz. Their elbow brushed.

Y/N raised her hand and gently placed it against Kaz's cheek. She let her thumb trail over his cheekbone. He flinched, his eyes closing tightly. Y/N swallowed the disappointment.

"I expect ten percent of your cut for this, Kaz," she whispered.

Before anyone could realise what was happening, before Kaz could ground himself back into reality, Y/N tipped the parem into her mouth, forcing herself to swallow it in one stodgy swallow.

Instantly, her blood began to thrum, power surging through it, the fire making it grow hotter. She could hear her heartbeat, pounding away over and over and over again. Her cheeks were burning, sweat was running down the back of her neck.

Her fire was screaming to be released. All it needed was one spark.

No.

It didn't need any spark.

Y/N could feel it at her fingertips. It throbbed.

Her gaze moved across the Fjerdan soldiers. She could feel the gunpowder waiting to be lit. She could hear the pistols being loaded and cocked. She could feel the flicker of the flames dancing off the torches they held.

She tilted her head to the left. She focused her gaze on a bomb filled with gun powder.

Her fingers snapped. The fire shot across the space between them and hit the fuse, burning it up in seconds.

The bomb exploded.

Orange light lit up her face, she could feel the heat burning her skin. It was thrilling.

Everything was burning around her and Y/N could still feel fire burning through her veins, desperate to be released into the night.

Y/N took a deep breath in, letting the cold air burning her nose as she did so. As she exhaled, fire flowed from her fingers, lighting up the sky as it soared across and over the soldiers, sending them all scattering to the sides and into the water.

"Drive," Y/N said softly, looking ahead, staring at the fire as it burnt its way along the ground.

Kaz looked at her, a hint of fear in his eyes.

In the middle of the True Sea, there was no fire. Y/N's desire to burn the whole world to the ground had faded to a dull ache. Instead, it'd been replaced be a reluctant sense of acceptance for what was to come.

She was sat on the main deck of the boat, her legs dangling over the edge. It was quiet out here. Everyone seemed to be avoiding her and, when they did run into her, giving her pitiful looks.

Y/N sighed, tilting her head back, letting the ocean spray hit her skin.

"I'm presuming you can't just burn it out your system."

She didn't even react. "No. I'll be burning myself from the inside out."

Kaz stepped forward and pivoted on his heel so he had his back to the railing. He leant backwards, holding his cane loosely in his hand.

"I won't take anymore," Y/N said quietly.

"I wasn't going to mention it," Kaz replied.

"Then why are you here?" Y/N asked, turning her head so that she was looking at him.

Kaz didn't speak. He didn't acknowledge that Y/N had spoken for a while. Eventually, he looked down at her.

"I wanted to talk before it begun."

Y/N nodded, turning back to look at the water churning as they passed. "I fear you're too late."

Kaz glanced down. Her hand rested on the railings, shaking even as it sat there.

As the sun rose, the aches set in. Everything hurt, from her jaw to her toes. All Y/N could do was lie there, shaking, trying not to cry. Inej sat with her for a few hours, her cold fingers combing through her hair, massaging the back of her neck.

Nina, they had decided, was going to be a last resort. If she absolutely had to, she would lower Y/N's heartbeat enough that she went into a coma, allowing her body to work through the drug without causing her too much pain.

Every candle on the ship had been extinguished. Y/N could feel them burning even if they were the other end of the ship from her.

A few hours later, her skin began to burn. She lay on the bed, wearing the thinnest shirt she could find, unable to tolerate anything else touching her. All the blankets had been thrown to the side and her shirt was soaked in sweat. Y/N kept her eyes shut, trying to fall asleep, trying to pretend that what was happening to her wasn't happening.

When the tremors began, Matthias was sat beside her. In her delirous state she'd vaguely realised that they were all taking turns to sit with her, to watch her.

They're waiting for you to die.

"Do you need me to get Nina?" Matthias asked, gently dabbing her sweat covered forehead with a wet cloth.

Y/N shook her head. "No... not, not yet."

"Do you -"

"No," Y/N said, clutching her hands into fists. "No, I can't fall down into it, I can't Matthias, I can't."

"Okay, okay," Matthias whispered, dipping the cloth back into the water and then placing it back on her forehead.

Y/N didn't remember Matthias leaving. One minute he was next to her, the next he was gone and -

"Kaz?" Y/N whispered, turning her head to look at him.

"Y/N."

He'd undressed to just his shirt sleeves, rolling them up to his elbows. He still had his gloves on and his cane was resting against the wall next to him. But he was there.

"Why... what -"

"We're taking turns," Kaz said, his voice hoarse and quiet. "It was mine."

Y/N smiled but, as she did so, the aches overwhelmed her. Her bones felt like they might burst through her skin and her head was pounding, being squeezed through a vice. Her skin was burning, her face was on fire.

She groaned, arching her back as she tried to escape the pain, to free her sweat covered back from the mattress.

A cold hand landed on her arm, pushing her back onto the bed. Y/N groaned, tears rolling down her cheeks. Her heart was pounding, she could hear it.

"Kaz, I can't - can't do this, I can't -"

"Don't give up," Kaz said, leaning forward. His hands were bare, holding her arm down and combing through her hair. "Don't, promise me."

"I can't, Kaz, I can't," Y/N sobbed. "Please, please just -"

"No, don't you dare," Kaz replied, his voice firm. "You're not dying on my watch, Y/N."

Y/N cried, her back arching again, her nails digging into her palm.

The door opened. Kaz looked over, watching as Nina quietly walked in.

"I could hear her heartbeat getting faster," Nina replied, shutting the door behind her. "I wanted to check..."

Kaz looked back at Y/N. He turned to Nina. "Please, Zenik," he said quietly. "Just do it."

Nina stepped forward and sat on the edge of the bed. She took her wrist and pressed her fingers to her pulse point.

"Kaz," Y/N said, whimpering. "Kaz?"

"I'm here," he said, leaning forward. "I'm here."

"Stay till the end," she whispered, her tremors slowing down, her eyes growing unfocused.

"Y/N -"

"Promise me."

"I promise you," Kaz whispered, hand stroking her hair back from her face. He watched her eyes close as Nina gradually slowed her heart down. Y/N's eyes closed and her grip on Kaz's hand weakened, her body going limp as Nina put her body into a coma.

Kaz held tight to Y/N's hand. "I'm not going anywhere, Y/N."

[phefics]

welcome back, phe <3 could i maybe have a blurb of kaz brekker x reader with the sentence "you're cute when you blush."???

𝐫𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐜𝐞𝐥𝐞𝐛𝐫𝐚𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 ♡ thank you sm for the request!!! xoxo contains: fluff, playful bickering, confident!reader, flustered!kaz

Most people in the Barrel were petrified of Kaz Brekker.

And rightfully so: He could be intimidating, cruel, unpredicatable, selfish...There were plenty of things to fear.

You've seen him nearly collapse from the pain of his bed leg, watched him struggle with stairs and steep streets. You've seen him faint, vomit, nearly drown. And perhaps his resilience should make him twice as intimidating.

However, knowing him for quite some time, you've learned that he isn't always so scary. You're observant, and you have caught the softer sides of Kaz. You've noticed the way he has to physically bite his tongue to refrain from laughing at Jesper's jokes, and have even heard him let out the rare chuckle. You've seen him stop to rub a stray dog's belly on more than one occasion, and watched him perform a magic trick for a curious group of children once.

But there's one thing about Kaz that is just frankly cute, and you don't think he even realizes it.

Because he's an expert at steeling his emotions, hiding the truth. He can lie, cheat, and steal his way out of any situation. But when he's safe, around trusted people, when there are no stakes at hand...Kaz Brekker blushes.

You had thought at first that he was just flushed from alcohol or something, but you quickly realized it only happened when you gave him a compliment, or when you teased him.

At first, you'd assumed that it happened more often, like when Jesper did a bad impression of his gravelly voice, or when Nina playfully flirted with him. But no. It seemed to just be you.

Which led you to the conclusion that perhaps your attraction to the Bastard of the Barrel wasn't for naught. And so, you began trying to flirt with him. And as intelligent as Kaz was, when it came to relationships, he was a fucking moron.

He was in his office that night, and you walked in and leaned against the edge of his desk.

"Hi, boss," you said with a smile.

"What is it?" he replied, skipping the pleasantries.

You leaned against the edge of his desk. "Oh, nothing. Jesper's passed out drunk, Nina and Matthias are making out, and Inej and Wylan are on a job, so...I'm bored."

Kaz frowned. "So you decided to bother me?"

"What? You're good company. Easy on the eyes, too."

There it was. That tinge of pink on his pale cheeks, spreading to the tips of his ears.

"You're cute when you blush."

He was practically scowling by that point. "I don't blush," he hissed. "And I'm not...cute, Y/N, I'm a grown fucking man."

"Your face is literally red right now."

Kaz used a gloved hand to pinch the bridge of his nose, clearly irritated beyond belief. He was so easy to rile sometimes, and it was simultaneously adorable and entertaining.

With his aversion to physical contact, flirting with Kaz wasn't always easy. The natural instinct to lean closer, to touch his arm or initiate an act of intimacy was out of the question.

You wanted to keep going - To tell him that on the rare occasion that he smiled, it was beautiful, and on the rarer occasion that he laughed, you were surprised all the women in a 10-mile radius didn't literally swoon. But you didn't want it to sound like you were just teasing, that this was all just to bother him.

However, as well as his feelings about touch, Kaz seemed to have an aversion to genuine emotion too. How were you ever gonna get through to him?

When he finally looked back up at you, cheeks still flushed, there was the ghost of a smile on his lips. "If you insist on being in here, the least you can do is help me talk through the plans of this heist."

You grinned, taking a seat on the edge of his desk, listening intently as he walked you through his idea. The flush in his face subsided, his demeanor relaxing, the conversation natural.

Still cute, though.

[swanimagines]

Hello! So I've been reading a lot of your works *cough* mainly Kaz and Pin *cough* and I was wondering if I could request one? If so, A6 from your dialogue prompt list with Kaz Brekker. Have a great day <3

Prompt: A6. “Ugh, people are so weird.”

A/N: I still can't look at him without remembering I actually have HUGGED that man and I get to do it once more in two months I-

RUMOUR TOLD ME

Ketterdam, in its darkness and grimness, was the last place Kaz would expect to find someone like you. You, a cheery, warm person who believed all people were good unless proven otherwise. And even working with the Dregs hadn’t wiped that attitude off you, which had always puzzled Kaz. And maybe it was the way you always saw the good in everyone was what made him develop feelings for you. Or rather, as he convinced himself, he was maybe slightly interested, but not necessarily romantically.

Either way, he treated you like he had always treated you, as another Crow, and he thought everyone else thought so too. And maybe that’s why it was so shocking when you came to the Slat one day, laughing as you slid to sit at the bar counter, one stool away from Kaz.

He stared at you for a moment, and you locked eyes with him. “I just heard the funniest thing.”

“Can’t wait to hear it,” Kaz mumbled, glancing at the barkeeper who immediately started preparing a drink for him.

“There’s a rumour circling around that Kaz Brekker has a crush,” you snickered, and Kaz immediately froze. “And the crush being me. Ugh, people are so weird.”

A short silence descended upon you, and your giggling echoed in Kaz’s mind.

He closed his eyes for a moment. Get it together, Brekker.

“And you find it funny?” Kaz grumbled, which earned a frown from you.

“Well, we are complete opposites. I mean, I guess people who sent this rumour going are probably avid romance novel readers whose favourite trope is ‘opposites attract’ but I have no idea what kind of drink they took to get themselves so drunk that they spun out this kind of theory.” You shrugged, gesturing to the barkeeper to prepare a drink for you too.

Kaz scowled. “Those kinds of rumours should be cut off before they have a chance to fly.”

You laughed. “Oh come on Kaz, it’s just some children spinning stories for their entertainment, it won’t hurt anyone.”

Kaz almost barked at you, telling you that children of Ketterdam should know better than joke with things like that before someone teaches them what it’s like to lose the fun in their life forever, but he held himself back. His mind momentarily filled with pictures of what could happen if the wrong kind of people found out about that rumour and believed it. You’d disappear and eventually come back to the Slat, carried by Matthias, with a knife in your heart, your body already cold, eyes open, beginning to rotten, your mouth opened in an eternal scream–

Kaz shook his head, forcing himself to stop thinking about that scenario. 

“Rumours are dangerous,” he said, leaning towards you slightly. “Even ridiculous ones.”

You scoffed, waving your hand. “I know, but no one is going to believe something like that.”

Kaz withdrew, taking his cane and gripping the silver crow head. He wanted to tell you you’re off duty for a while. He wanted to claim he needed help in office work, which would bind you into Slat for a few weeks. He wanted to find whoever is spreading this rumour and warn them off, threaten them. Maybe even break their legs to ensure they won’t sing about it.

But even if that would work, and Kaz knew it would, it could be a sign that the rumour actually had truth to it. It would make him look weak, even if that person would never tell about his visit.

You got the drink and downed it, wiping your mouth with the back of your hand, before you looked at Kaz again. “Do you have any tasks for me? If not, Inej said she’d like to have company when she goes to run an errand but if you have something more important to do, I’ll pass on that.”

Kaz clenched his jaw, staring at his still full glass of kvas. “No.” Be careful.

You nodded and disappeared to the crowd, and Kaz told himself to not look at you walking away. And as soon as your steps faded, he downed the drink and stood up, making his way to the attic. He needed to take his mind off of… this, whatever it was.

But of course, on his way, he came across Jesper waiting by Wylan’s door, spinning his other revolver. Kaz already saw from Jesper’s grin what he was going to say, that he had also heard the rumours. “Hey, Boss. Word is you’ve got a crush on our Sunshine the Second.”

Kaz cocked an eyebrow at him. “What makes you think that?”

Jesper stopped spinning his revolver and shrugged. “Well. It’s been obvious for all of us for a while. I suspected it, so I told Nina, and she listened to your heartbeat while our star Sunshine was around, and–”

“And nothing,” Kaz barked. “Whatever you have heard or understood, is not true.”

Jesper cackled, and Kaz wanted nothing more than to stuff the handle of Jesper’s beloved revolver into his throat at that moment. But it was more because he realised everyone knew. His Crows, at least, knew.

When Jesper stopped cackling, his tone was more serious. “But hey, I understand that this… thing isn’t a good thing to be circling around. If you want some of us to go uh, find out who put the rumour to circle in the first place, just tell us.” He winked. “And of course, no telling your beloved.”

Kaz thought, staring at Jesper. He wanted to keep denying it, tell Jesper everyone are idiots, doubt Nina’s skills as a heartrender. But he knew that nothing would work anymore, everything would just confirm their every suspicion, those that were true and those that were not true.

So he nodded. “Deal with it. Quietly.”

Jesper nodded in return. “Always, boss.”

And when Kaz continued ascending the steps, he could almost hear Jesper’s grin. If there had been some doubt in Jesper’s mind, now there most definitely wasn’t.

Kaz knew that his Crows knowing except for you was miles better than the whole Ketterdam knowing. If everyone knew, or if such suspicions would rise to any extent, they would inevitably eventually go straight to rivaling gangs. And at that point, depending on how stupid they were, they could follow the rumour just in case and ambush you.

They would be stupid because if you were killed by a gang, Kaz wouldn’t rest before each one’s guts had painted every wall of their past territory, but they would also be smart because they’d take away the one thing Kaz truly cared about in this world, and it would be the second time around. Kaz wasn’t sure if he would ever recover, which would potentially make him weak in a way, maybe even suicidal with his hunger for bloodshed. He could be the most feared person in all of Kerch for a few weeks, but constantly throwing himself in situations he could get killed would eventually kill him. It could even be his goal, to die fighting and take as many of his enemies with him before that.

But after those little gossipers would be getting caught and warned off, things would maybe become better, and Kaz would be able to forget about this whole mess.

---

Requests are open! FANDOM LIST | PROMPT LIST(S) | RULES (READ!!!)

[19burstraat]

hmmm I know we can surmise that kaz & jordie were the iphigenia of the series, in that, whether it's fair or not, they had to be sacrificed for the benefit of everyone else. jordie had to die and kaz had to suffer it and live with it, because if kaz had lain down and died on the barge, it would have had a crazy knock-on effect. inej likely would never have escaped the menagerie, or matthias from hellgate, jesper would probably have fallen foul of debtors or gangs some way or another (he gets at least one beating from enforcers), nina would have been caught up w the dime lions trying to get matthias out of hellgate, and there's even some more tangential ones, like kuwei probably dying at the ice court and marya being stuck at saint hilde.... but I wonder what would have happened to wylan.

kaz had him under dregs protection, so he never suffered the way he did ("kaz is your luck, merchling."); no beatings, etc. without that... well, it's tempting to think that wylan would have just been killed some way or another. and yeah, maybe, but miggson and prior couldn't get him, could they? wylan has that scary glimmer of the biting-animal, kaz-style survivalist in him, and he had a goal; amass enough money to get the hell out of ketterdam and start anew. but how far would wylan have gone to get that money? van eck's letters pushed him into the arms of dregs munitions building. without the perpetual intervention of kaz-- protection, constant jobs even when there were better people for it, good pay-- how quickly would wylan have turned into someone more like kaz? he has a core of decency, but he gets the privilege of keeping that, because kaz helps him to. alone, would he have surrendered it, or been forced to surrender it, just for a chance to survive? I don't think he would have ever willingly given up. it's not an accident that kaz and wylan's first days in ketterdam are so closely paralleled, or that they have a set of similar skills/traits; it's explicitly said that wylan would also be able to count cards and control decks like kaz can, if he wanted to. and after he finds out about his mother, wylan's comforted by the idea of retribution for van eck, that kaz could destroy his father's life. they're a little bit too similar. but kaz is there to take the moral fall, for the most part; all wylan has to do is help him. but without kaz... well. that's another story, isn't it?

[evellynssocbrainrot]

One thing I’ve always thought about is why the angst between Kaz and Inej hit me harder and deeper than the angst between Nina and Matthias, despite the latter ending up with one person’s death. 

And then, after I looked into it for a while, I finally realized why. 

Both Kanej and Helnik are pairs in which the two people involved are unable to be together due to some kind of separation force. There is something driving one away from the other. 

The separation force in itself, is the part that makes Kanej and Helnik different.

Nina and Matthias’s force of separation is external. It’s their respective country. The cultures and ideologies they grew up with. It’s the fact that Nina is a Grisha and Matthias is a Druskelle: meant to hunt and kill Grisha. They are unable to be together at first due to Nina’s constant anxiety created by Zoya Nazyalenski (This is no hate to her btw, I love Zoya, she’s my queen, shut up and don’t come at me with a Zoya-hate comment) even though Nina largely tries to ignore it by not caring too much, and Matthias’s fear of being viewed as a traitor by basically every single person in Fjerda. These external forces put a wedge between Nina and Matthias, and part of their love story focuses on them finding a way to be free of those burdens to be together. 

And even if it is very sad, I guess the reason why it never hurt me as deeply as it probably should have is because this is what typically happens in romance whenever two people can’t be together. There is an external force pulling them apart. It is a common romance storyline that most likely got popular due to Romeo and Juliette (which is disappointing cause I think Romeo and Juliette is a terrible story) 

And now let’s move onto Kanej. Kaz and Inej’s force of separation is internal. There is no external force, really, that is pulling them apart. You could say that their dangerous environment is an external force, but even that plays a minor role. Rather, there is an issue that stems largely from Kaz and Inej’s own deep unspoken conflicts. It is Kaz’s self-hate, his inner demons, his emotional armor that he’s locked himself in, his haphephobia. For Inej it is HER emotional armor that she hides beneath kindness, her inner demons, her duty to her religion and people who have suffered the same things as her, it’s her touch aversion. For both of them, it is this awful feeling of being trapped and helpless in their own skins and not being able to do anything about it. When they are together, they are so close but so far at the same time. There is so much darkness simmering deep inside both of them and for so long, it hurts to just form the right words, and even that is too difficult. To be together, literally, they need to find some way to be free of the chains that have been placed on their souls. They need to defeat that feeling of being trapped in their skins, which is so much more difficult to do than overcoming any external force. 

And unlike the external force, the internal force of separation is not that common in romance, and when it is present, it’s not written in a way that feels right. And it’s the reason why Kaz and Inej’s story hurt me much deeper than Nina and Matthias’s. I just find it extremely heartbreaking, the idea that the person you love more than words could describe is standing right in front of you, and you can freely walk over to them and hug them, kiss them, hold their hand whenever you want. But then you just… can’t. And YOU are the reason why you can’t. Nothing else. I’m positive that I would have lost my mind completely if I ever had to endure what Kaz and Inej struggled with. 

Also, this is not meant to undermine Nina and Matthias’s relationship in anyway. I love Helnik as much as the next person, they are in my top 5 Grishaverse pairs and my most favorite enemies to lovers of all time. I just always found it interesting that they never left me staring quietly at the wall with tears in my eyes the way Kanej have so many times. 

[system-to-the-madness]

Bet ya - Kaz Brekker x Reader

Pairing: (can be read as any gender, no pronouns used) Genre: fluff Word Count: 2 311 Warnings: alcohol, Reader kisses Wylan (oops, but no cheating), OCC Kaz, betting (not on money) Summary: Kaz makes a bet with you and doesn’t like the way it turns out for him Prompts: bet, game, constest

“You’d never win a bet against me.”

“Is that a bet?”

Kaz rolled his eyes at you, adjusting in the seat at the bar of the Crow Club. “Why are you so desperate to lose to me.”

“We don’t know if I’d lose,” you reminded him, tilting your head at him playfully.

“Why do I even bother,” he murmured, more to himself than you, but you still heard him over the noise of the guests, the music and the clinking of glasses and coins.

“Come on, Kaz,” you encouraged him, nudging the leg of his chair with your foot, knowing better than to touch him. “It’s a game!”

“A stupid game, and that’s Jesper’s specialty, not mine.”

“Indulge me, just this once. All the others played too!”

“What’s your current score, then?” Kaz wasn’t looking at you as he waved to the bartender for another glass of whiskey.

“Sooo… I won against Matthias,” you start counting, “lost to Nina and Inej, won against Wylan and the bet with Jesper is still ongoing. Currently it does look like he’s going to lose, though.”

With a sigh Kaz turned back to you, taking in your appearance. His blue eyes were cold as always, but you had learnt better than to be intimidated by them. Sure, he was a dangerous man, but in a relaxed situation like right now, considering how close you were, there was nothing you had to fear from him. For the time being.

“Fine,” he agreed eventually, rolling his eyes again as an excited grin spread over your face. “But first: who would you rather kiss, Wylan or Jesper?”

You, you wanted to say, but you were no idiot and certainly not drunk enough to answer that. Even if he wouldn’t mind you basically confessing your annoying little crush on him, even if he would want to kiss you too, he couldn’t. Not with the way he flinched at any form of physical contact or even the mental image of standing too close to someone.

Quickly you tore your thoughts back to his question. Really, you had no desire to kiss either of the young men, even more so because you knew they were going out. But you had the distinct feeling one of their names would annoy him more to hear than the other.

“I don’t want to kiss either of them,” you told him honestly.

“Assume you are being forced. Who would you choose?”

Worrying your lips between your teeth, you glanced over at the table in the corner, where the rest of the crows were laughing together. Matthias sat in the very back, Nina cuddled into his side, Inej in safe distance at his other side with Wylan and Jesper on the bench opposite them.

“Do I have to choose?”

“Yes,” Kaz’s answer came cooly and not without a hint of pleasure at your discomfort.

“Jesper,” you eventually decided, just in time looking back at Kaz to see his face fall. Jackpot.

“And who of the two are you more scared of?”

“Scared of?” You couldn’t help the laugh that slipped over your lips. “Why would I be scared of either of them?”

“Maybe you upset them? Broke Wylan’s favourite flute, or Jesper’s gun…”

The way Kaz was looking at you now reminded you of why people were so scared of him. There was something truly… demonic- in the way he was watching you now. You were his mark and his whole focus was on trying to find a way to bring you down. You just wished his whole focus would be on you even without trying to drive you into ruin.

“I mean, Jesper has his guns, but Wylan has his explosives,” you thought out loud. “So, I’m gonna go with Wylan on this.”

“Hm, not ideal,” Kaz told you, his eyes flickering from you over to the table with his friends. You had about an idea what he was going to bet you on, you just didn’t know who he would choose, Jesper or Wylan.

“Don’t stress yourself out,” you joked, trying to overplay your sudden nervousness. “You don’t have to come up with a masterplan for a simple game of betting.”

“Who would I be if I didn’t,” Kaz asked, turning back to you with a devilish grin that made a shiver run down your spine. Jup, Matthias’ nickname for Kaz was accurate indeed.

“Fine, hit me with all you’ve got,” you sighed, leaning a little closer than before as if conspiring with him. Instead of leaning away, as you had expected him to do, he leant closer, close enough for you to smell the whiskey on his breath.

“I bet you wouldn’t go over to Wylan and kiss him. On the mouth,” Kaz grinned diabolically.

Yeah, you had known he’d go for this as soon as he had asked the first question.

“That’s not a bet, that’s a dare,” you educated him, but got up from your chair anyway, Kaz’s eyes widening slightly. “What do I get if I win?”

“You won’t,” Kaz told you, his confident smile seeming frozen on his lips.

“Well, then what do you get if you win,” you asked, adjusting your shirt, turning to him expectedly.

“The pride of knowing you ruined your own bet,” Kaz decided.

“How chivalrous of you. I’ll take a coffee with winter spices from the café down the street as my prize, but the coffee with cream, the good one,” you told him, before turning away and walking over to the corner, where your friends were seated. All the way over you felt Kaz’s eyes on your back.

“Hey! Did you finally leave the resident rain cloud and decided to join the fun,” Jesper laughed as he spotted you approaching.

“Not quite. Hey Jes, remember our bet from before?”

Jesper nodded, his grin growing broader. “Am I winning?”

“You just might,” you told him. “But I’d have to kiss your boyfriend for that.”

Jesper stopped for a moment, as if he was thinking, then he looked up at where you were standing behind him, over to Kaz, to Wylan and back to Kaz.

“Oh, if it’s just for the bet, you’d have to ask Wylan, not me.” The grin was returning to Jesper’s face, and you had the sudden thought that he actually might be into you kissing Wylan. Oh saints, that man.

“I would ask him either way, you genius,” you sighed, “I just don’t want to get shot by you over a bet.”

“Fair enough,” Jesper agreed.

“So, Wylan, would you mind if I kissed you? No tongue or anything. It would help me win a bet against Kaz and possibly help Jesper win a bet against me.”

Wylan blinked for a few seconds, trying to process what you were asking, then his eyes skipped over to Jesper, who you saw nodding encouragingly from the corner of your eyes.

“I guess, it’s okay,” he nodded, making you smile.

“This shouldn’t be as hot as it is,” Jesper mumbled behind you.

“I’ll keep it short, I promise,” you told him, placing a hand on his shoulder and leaning down to come to level with him. His dark eyes flickered over your face and from this close up you could almost count the freckles that were sprinkled over his nose and cheeks. He definitely was cute. Not your type, but cute. You could understand why Jesper was so in love with him.

You closed your eyes, and leant forward, determined to get this over with as quickly as possible. But your lips had barely touched against Wylan’s, hadn’t even yet registered his warmth, when suddenly the others on the table gasped. It wasn’t the kind of ‘oh, they’re actually kissing!’-gasp, it was more of a shocked, if not even scared gasp. Before you could even try to make sense of it, something hard and pointy landed on your shoulder and you got yanked backwards.

“That’s enough,” Kaz’s icy voice cut like a blade through the noise of the Crow Club.

And without giving you the chance to properly stand up or let you look at him, he used the crow beak of his cane to drag you backwards. Instead of trying to figure out the various levels of amusement and terror on your friends’ faces, you twisted, trying to turn around to Kaz, who marched straight out of the Crow Club. In the dark, cold street outside, he walked a few more meters before he came to a halt and unhooked the cane from your shoulder.

“What was that about,” he almost shouted, his frame seeming taller and more dangerous than usually. Finding yourself on the bad side of Dirtyhands was not very pleasant, you realized, but also you didn’t understand what his problem was.

“What do you mean,” you asked, “you bet I wouldn’t do it, and I did. You lost, so what?”

“You kissed him!”

“Hardly! You stopped me before it was even a proper kiss. With that crow cane of yours.” Annoyed you rubbed the aching part of your shoulder, where the tip of the beak had bored into your muscle.

“You weren’t supposed to kiss him,” Kaz argued.

“You bet I wouldn’t. You have to expect people to win a bet by doing the opposite of what you want them to do. That’s how bets work!”

“I didn’t think you’d really do it! I thought you’d- or- I don’t know! I didn’t think you’d go through with it!”

“Why not? I told you, it’s a game. What’s so bad about wanting to win it?”

“I thought- I thought you wouldn’t kiss him, because you liked m-” Kaz stopped himself before the last word fully slipped over his lips, and turned away, exasperated. Running a shaking hand through his hair, he sighed. “You weren’t supposed to kiss him.”

“Kaz,” carefully you stepped closer behind him. His breath was irregular, and he was clearly upset and emotional. Under normal circumstances you would have placed your hand on his back, but knowing Kaz, you refrained. “Kaz, you do know it was a game, right? It didn’t mean anything. And- I only kissed Wylan because I though you wouldn’t mind.”

“Wouldn’t mind?” Kaz turned back around to you. “Of course I mind! Do you think I don’t wish I could be the one who-”

“Quick question!” Without warning the window beside Kaz and you got thrown open and Jesper poked his head outside. “Kaz are you jealous? And does that mean I won our bet?” The second part was directed at you.

“Not now, Jes,” you told the Zemini man and slammed the window shut again.

“Listen Kaz,” you took a step closer to Kaz, still leaving a safe distance between him and you to not upset him further. “If I had known it would upset you this much, I would have rejected the bet. I really was convinced you didn’t care about if or who I kissed. But now I know better, and it won’t happen again. And for the record. When you asked, who I wanted to kiss between Jesper and Wylan, my initial response would have been someone else entirely.”

You exchanged a long look with Kaz, one that left no doubt that you had meant him, even if you lacked the courage to put it into words.

After a few moments, Kaz bowed his head slightly.

“Sorry for lashing out,” he mumbled.

“Since when does Dirtyhands do apologies,” you teased, making Kaz groan.

“Don’t ruin it,” he threatened, making you laugh.

“Alright, alright. But now that we have that settled, does this mean I won a bet against you?”

“One,” Kaz emphasized. “I won’t make it so easy next time.”

“Why, what’s the next bet? Kissing Nina?”

“You won’t be kissing anyone,” Kaz grumbled, a blush beginning to rise into his cheeks.

“Not anyone? Not even the great Kaz Brekker?” It was bold, that was for certain, but you had hit bullseyes it seemed, as Kaz fought back the red on his cheeks and instead turned to you with an expression that probably was his attempt to threaten you. The thing with Kaz Brekker was that he was incapable of believably threatening the people he cared about.

“I might make an exception for him,” he mumbled, before turning to the door. “Let’s go back inside; it’s cold.”

Trying not to let your giddy excitement show, you followed Kaz back into the bar, but before he entered the main room, he stopped and turned to you.

“What was that bet you had going on with Jesper,” he asked with furrowed brows. You couldn’t help but notice that his body language had changed. Where before he always stood straight and with a certain distance to every person he encountered, he now seemed to be leaning more towards you as if trying to close a distance you knew he couldn’t. Not yet anyway.

“He bet, you would get jealous over me before the end of the month,” you admitted, watching Kaz tilt his head. “I was convinced it was impossible.”

Kaz’s jaw tensed, and his eyes met yours with an unspoken confession, but the moment was interrupted by a drunk guy stumbling through the door, bumping into you and apologizing terribly.

Kaz and you exchanged glances, your more amused than his annoyed one, before you walked back inside, getting hit by a wall of noise and the smell of alcohol. The others waved you over cheerfully, and when Kaz and you pulled your own chairs over to join them at their table, nobody mentioned the way Kaz rested his arm on the backrest of your chair or how he leant over to whisper in your ear that he hadn’t forgotten about the prize for you winning the bet but only under the condition that he got to accompany you to the café.

[lilisouless]

Matthias: i am not sure if it was a good idea letting Kaz order out drinks before we got here

Wylan: come on,do you think he’d try to poison us?

Matthias: no, but there was something in his smile…

Bartender: here, five beers and capri sun for the kid like Mr Brekker said

Both Jesper and Nina laught

Nina: wait,why are you laughing?

Jesper: why are YOU laughing?

Nina: huh…The kid is you,obviously

Jesper: nuh uh, you are the childish one…

Nina: i am more mature than you!

Jesper: you always have been the team’s baby,

Nina: you take the capri sun!

Jesper: you know what, it’s probably meant for Matthias, who else would Kaz choose to piss off?

Matthias: but he hardly calls me “kid”, it’s obvious the kid who meant to be Wylan…

Wylan: 🤨

Wylan: go on…

Matthias: no, my survival instincts are telling me to stop right here…

Jesper: if you saw what I saw you wouldn’t call him a kid

Wylan: Jesper,there’s such thing as too much help

Nina: he can’t help it, he has to joke like the kid he is, and as such he is taking the capri sun!…

The four keep arguing ardently

Kaz : ah, it’s not irritating when they are not arguing with me

Inej: you are sick

“Just give to your Fjerdan! He is too much of a prude for alcohol anyway!”

“First, you take the “prude” back! second: we could ask the bartender who they think the kid is and I can bet all fingers point at your twi-…!”

“NINA IF YOU DARE TO EVEN PRONOUNCE THAT WORD, I SWEAR…!”

Kaz: not seeing you trying to stop them or me

Inej: I will the second someone starts trowing hands

Kaz: so, five minutes from now

[laursdomain]

i lost something, but not you

pairing: sawyer henrick x fem!reader

genre: angst & fluff

synopsis: The Battle of Basgiath was brutal, to say the least. Sawyer Henrick lost a leg, and you aren’t sure how to deal with the aftermath of it. The only thing you can truly do for him is be by his side during the entire process, comforting him though his new developments.

warnings: takes place during end of IF, established relationship, mentions of injuries, anxiety, overthinking, fluff at the end, happy ending!

w/c: 2.0k

a/n: just a lil smth i wrote during my study break

ྀིྀིsawyer henrick masterlist

✰ ✰ ✰

To say you were frantic was an understatement. You had no idea what had happened with Flame Section’s Second Squad during the Battle of Basgiath. Dain Aetos had assigned your own squad to a completely different area, covering a less vulnerable spot for the war college. You had no idea that when you had landed on your dragon, hoping to find your boyfriend, you would instead be approached by Ridoc Gamlyn, breaking the news to you.

Sawyer had gotten wounded.

Badly.

He lost a leg, Ridoc says. 

You didn’t even let him tell you how it happened, all that was running through your head was that you needed to get to Sawyer, and you needed to get to him now. You ran past him, ignoring Ridoc as he shouts your name from behind. You make it to the healers quadrant in record time, practically running on new adrenaline. Your eyes dart everywhere, not sure where he could be. You don’t see anyone you recognize, noting how Rhiannon Matthias, his squad leader, wasn’t even present while he was here.

Eventually, your eyes fall on a pair of light blue robes, noticing a healer putting some paperwork down at the main table. You don’t waste any time, quickly approaching her.

“Excuse me,” you get the healer’s attention, her head whipping up at the sound of your voice. “Can you point me in the direction of one of your patients?”

“What’s their name?” She questions, moving behind the desk to access all the records.

“Cadet Sawyer Henrick.” You speak, balling your fists as your fingertips bite into your skin. Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead. Don’t be dead.

She looks through a couple of files, finally finding his file. You hold your breath, fearing the worst. Was Rhiannon not here because he didn’t make it? Would Ridoc have told you first-hand he hadn’t made it? Maybe Ridoc didn’t know the answer himself, and is simply a messenger.

“Ah, I see. May I ask what’s your relationship to the patient? I apologize, it’s protocol.” She gives you a sympathetic smiling, knowing how badly you want to see Sawyer.

You take a deep breath, leveling yourself. You knew you needed to keep your anger in check, being rude and angry would get you nowhere. “I’m his girlfriend.”

“Got it.” She scribbles something down, presumably your status to him. “He’s currently in surgery, but the moment the leading healer is out of surgery, I’ll have him inform you of everything since you are the closest thing to family.”

“You can’t tell me yourself?” The words come out of your mouth before you can stop them, yet you don’t regret it.

“I’m not one of the healers on the case, so I don’t know the full specifics of it. I don’t want to give you any wrong information, but as far as I know, he’s staying strong throughout the surgery.”

You nod, not really taking in her words. 

“You’re more than welcome to have a seat, or we can have a healer come find you when he’s out of surgery.”

“I’ll stay,” you whisper, loud enough for the healer.

She gives you a sympathetic nod, watching as you slump down into one of the uncomfortable waiting seats in the quadrant, mindlessly watching as blue robes pass by you in a hurry, attending to the multitude of injured cadets from the battle. You allow yourself to cry silently, praying to Amari that Sawyer will survive this. You aren’t sure what you’d do if he didn’t make it, and you pray that you don’t have to live through that. You can’t imagine a world in which you live without your Sawyer. 

You’re not sure how long you’ve been sitting there, but it’s long enough for your ass to be numb and for there to be no more tears to shed. It isn’t until an older man with dark blue robes approaches, bending down to get your attention. Once he does, he rises back to his full height with a tight-lipped smile.

“You’re Cadet Y/L/N?” He questions, taking in your riders uniform.

You stand, he was probably the head healer for Sawyer, right? “Yes, that’s me.”

He curtly nods, “I’ve been told you are here for Cadet Sawyer Henrick?”

“Yes, is he okay?”

“He made it through surgery,” his words ease over you, calming your racing heart. You knew there was a but, though all that mattered to you was that he was alive. “He had a very severe injury. One that’ll change his life.”

You furrow your brows, “how bad is it?” The healers were a powerful quadrant, to say the least. Considering how powerful riders could be, you assumed it’s possible for them to reattach a lost limb.

“He lost his leg, along with a handful of blood. We were able to close the wound, but he’ll have to get used to not having one.” The words hit you like a truck, not sure how to process it. Your mind went straight to Sawyer, you knew how distraught he’ll be. He bleeds rider, and you know that this changes everything about his future. The healer doesn’t say it, but you know he’s saying he’ll never be able to ride his dragon again.

You gulp, feeling pins and needles go down your throat. “Can I see him?”

The healers nods, leading you to one of the bays, enclosed by a light blue curtain. The healer grips one of the ends of the curtain, hesitating. “He’s not awake. Try not to freak out.” With that, he opens the curtain, allowing you to step inside before giving you privacy by closing the curtain behind you.

You understood why he told you not to freak out. You were grateful you weren’t there when it had happened, because if you could barely stomach it now, you wouldn’t have been able to in the moment. He was switched out of his flight leathers for a blue hospital gown, but you could see his flight jacket draped over the chair next to his bed. You assumed his leathers had gotten ruined from the injury—most like discarded or burned by the healers. You eyes trail down to his leg, tears prickling at your eyes at the sight of his leg ending at his knee. 

The wound was bandaged, but you knew there was a very prominent line from sewing his skin together. Seeing the difference between his wounded leg and his uninjured leg was startling. You weren’t disgusted or repulsed, just startled. You stepped forward, past his legs and towards his upper body. Other than his leg, he was perfectly fine. With the small space between his hip and the end of the bed, you sit there. Watching him. 

Eventually, you pluck up the courage to cup his jaw, feeling the warmth under his skin and feeling his pulse under your pinky fingers that lay directly above his pulse. You let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding—relieved. You find yourself laying your forehead against his, allowing the feeling of his presence to ground you from the aftermath of the battle.

You stayed like that with him for a while. You knew it’d be a couple of hours until he awoke from the pain medicine they administered to him during surgery. You never left his side, and only because the healers pitied you—they allowed you to stay overnight even though it was strictly forbidden. 

You didn’t move from your spot. 

You didn’t take your eyes off of Sawyer.

When your eyes started to become too heavy, you nearly succumbed to sleep until you felt it. Sawyer was stirring in your hands, lightly groaning. He was slowly coming out of dreamland, and any weight of sleeping quickly dissipated as you watch your boyfriend. You anxiously wait, wait for his eyes to open. You keep your hands where they are, hoping they help ground your boyfriend as he awakes from his surgery. 

Then it happens.

You see his oh so beautiful pale blue eyes open, blinking away sleep as he takes in his surroundings. Your posture straightens, waiting for him to adjust to the light before his eyes fall on you. A sleepy smile coats his face, moving his hands to rest on your waist.

“Sawyer,” you whisper his name, disbelieved he’s actually awake. You can’t stop the tears that well up in your eyes, a couple dropping onto your cheeks.

He frowns, bringing up a hand to wipe away the tears with his calloused thumbs. “Why are you crying?”

You laugh, shaking your head. “I was scared.” 

“Scared of what?”

“That you were gone,” you confess, thankful the remaining patients were sound asleep—voluntarily or involuntarily. 

Sawyer gives you his usual reassuring smile, one that you swore can stop wars. “I’m right here, sunshine.” 

You smile, dropping your head into his neck. He welcomes your embrace, wrapping his arms around your waist as he sighs out in content. You weren’t sure if he was simply ignoring the fact that his leg was gone or simply didn’t realize. You knew you’d have to tell him, but for now—you let him hold you. You both needed it. 

“I won’t ride again, will I?” Sawyer whispers after a couple of moments.

“The healer didn’t say,” you speak, trying to give him some hope. You tried recalling any historical texts you’ve read, trying to find a rider who was still able to ride their dragon after losing a leg—but you come up short. He could be the first.

“So that’s a no,” he dryly chuckles, and you can tell he’s holding back tears. You wish you could do something to help him. You knew there was nothing you could do but comfort him, the same way he has comforted you since threshing. 

You sit up, leaving his embrace. You cup his cheeks, noticing how glossy his eyes are since waking up. “If there’s anyone who can ride again after losing a leg, it’s you,” you whisper, rubbing your thumbs under his eyes. 

“You don’t know that,” a tear escapes from his eye, sliding down his freckled cheek.

You kiss the tear away, “yes I do. You’re the strongest person I know.”

“Sliseag doesn’t need to be embarrassed by me,” he mumbles, casting his eyes down.

“Hey,” you force him to look at you, mimicking his own actions to you. “Unless Sliseag says it, it’s not true. Any dragon would be proud to allow the first amputated rider to ride them.”

Sawyer’s pale blue eyes gaze into your own, holding your stare. Eventually, he nods. You aren’t sure if he believes your words or is simply agreeing because he has no energy to argue about it—but he accepts defeat. 

“Can you stay? I don’t want to be alone,” he whispers, vulnerability lacing his tone.

“I’m never leaving your side, Sawyer. Prepare to get tired of me,” you tease, dipping down to place a soft, loving kiss on his lips. 

He laughs at your antics, breaking the kiss. “I lost something today, but it wasn’t you. I love you, sunshine.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible,” he retorts, earning a giggle from you.

You don’t argue back, you simply wrap your arms around his neck again, cuddling his face into your neck. You couldn’t really hold him yourself from his injury, and you didn’t want to move him without knowing it’s okay. So you settled on the position you two were in, and as long as Sawyer was content, so were you. He let out a contented sigh into your neck, nuzzling his nose into your skin. His arms wrap firmly around your waist, using your presence to ground himself. He was alive. He places a soft kiss on your neck, nuzzling closer to you before his breathing evens out, falling asleep. You fall asleep with him, finally able to succumb to sleep knowing he was okay.

Sawyer would ride again, you were sure of that. There is no other rider capable of doing so than him. And you would be right by his side during the entire process, cheering him on like he always does for you. 

✰ ✰ ✰

[pruneunfair]

Rating female leads in manhwa.

Navier

6/10, I absolutely hate her writting and has devolved into a mary sue who only reacts to everything around her while her mass of supporters never shut up about great she is. Her synopsis claiming her as someone who loves all her subjects gets contradicted when its shown she doesnt really care about the slaves.

BUT in season 1 she wasn't bad, I liked her resolve and it was when she actually cared for her people, I feel like if we got to see a clear backstory beyond "she wasn't allowed outside when she studied to be empress" I would understand her total apathy more.

Ariande

7/10, I adore villains, especially villainous protagonists and at first I liked the idea she wouldn't be any better than her family but still had a soft spot for Arabella, she loses a few points because it turns out she's excused for killing people before in the name of "love" and is viewed as someone who can do no wrong.

Adelaide

10/10, she's like Navier but better, she has more noticeable flaws and while she is a kick ass warrior during the tower arcs she still is human and can't always take it alone without consequences, she acknowledges Diane's struggles and makes an effort not to be her enemy and is proof that you dont need to make FL overpowered gods to be strong women. A beautifully made FL in a underrated story

Robellia

1/10, She doesn't divorce her husband despite the title literally being "I will divorce my tyrant husband." But that's more of a problem in most other manhwa. She's too much of a perfect epic goddess for me and most of all she does the whole "buying all the slaves but giving them a home." to make her look even better, what is with manhwa and inserting slavery for no other reason other than to make the FL look better?

Arianna

0/10, there is nothing good about her. Other than being a mary sue and a personality that only revolves around the latest sexy man, she legit forces another guy to join her haram by threatening diplomatic war on his kingdom and bodyshames her fiance but all of a sudden wants him more than ever when he loses weight, it took a random chick being inserted with a 🍇ist persona to make her look "better."

Yerenica

6/10, in any other story, this girl would've been despised by the fandom for being a homewreaker/pick me. She gives me so much second hand embarrassment but she's not terrible, I actually really like her design too. Not a fan of the kidnapper-hostage relationship she and the ML have though.

Pereshati

10/10, the best one here. She feels so much more human than the others on this list, she's got flaws, a relationship with the ML Therdeo that has both realistic progression, blunders, but overall healthy love, she also has relationships outside of her husband which I really love, I actually get scared for her when shes in danger instead of the usual "oh great, heres the typical kidnapping trope", a great motherly FL

Hestia

5/10 I will be easy on her since I just started reading my derelict favorite but I've only heard bad things about it through spoilers so I don't have much hope, also girl, please acknowledge that just because your favorite character did it for love doesn't mean he's absolved for murdering 2 people, thank you

Edith

9/10, my 3rd favorite on this list. You do not know how happy I was when instead of immediately viewing Rhyse as a rival to defeat, she was actually nice to her and the chapters of them were so sweet, she even acknowledges that it isn't anyone's fault for acting out but the author who is pulling the strings.

Layla

8/10, I feel so bad for this poor girl. For some reason I noticed on reddit and tiktok that she's getting hate for not standing up to herself or just not being the usual "girlboss" protagonist, did it not occur that she cant do much to a duke!? Layla deserves so much better and she needs to be far away from Matthias, I don't care if it's "dark romance" he is torturing her for his own pleasure.

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

So there’s something about Pekka Rollins that has bothered me literally since I first read the books and I think about it every time I read them okay and it’s this line:

“Who is Pekka Rollins?” Matthias asked, turning the ridiculous syllables over in his mouth. Kerch names had no dignity to them.

And this catches me out every single time because Rollins is Kaelish. As far as the reader knows for definite, “Pekka Rollins” is a Kaelish name, not a Kerch name.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we’re of course aware that Matthias is very sheltered from understanding the global scene and may simply have assumed that Rollins is Kerch because he lives in Ketterdam and runs the Dime Lions (this is the only piece of information he knows about him at this time) but I think this is unlikely considering that it was on a mission to the Wandering Isle that he met Nina and we know that, although he doesn’t speak Kaelish, he knows how to recognise it well enough that he knew Nina was speaking Kaelish and not Kerch or Ravkan (at the time he was monolingual, as he would later only learn Kerch by necessity in Hellgate).

And thinking about the name “Pekka Rollins” it doesn’t sound all that Kaelish… does it? Our examples of Kaelish names include “Fianna” (Nina’s Kaelish pseudonym at the Ice Court), “Colm”, “Eamon” (Dime Lions member), and “Harshaw”, but not many others to my recollection. Kaelish names are inspired by Celtic languages and Celtic names, as far as I can tell usually with more Irish and Scottish Gaelic influences than Welsh, Cornish, or Breton (but please note I am by no means an expert and I sadly do not speak any of these languages), and we can see this trend in our examples. But can we see it in “Pekka Rollins”? Or does this name favour the structure of Kerch names? “Kaz”, “Per”, “Wylan”, “Alys”, “Hiram”, “Gert”, “Henrik”, “Jellen”, and so many many more examples, we are overflowing with examples of Kerch names (if you are wondering about more examples I’d recommend checking out the Grishaverse wiki there’s a full list on there of all the characters mentioned from each country, but note it doesn’t include any pseudonyms as far as I’m aware), that tend to favour more separated syllables and harsher consonant sounds than, say, “Fianna” where the name runs quickly together, pronounced to have two syllables when it would probably be said with three by someone Kerch who only saw it written down, with more emphasis on the “yah” sound of the “ia” than the double “n”?

So is it, in fact, possible that “Pekka Rollins” is a Kerch name? A chosen name, by a man who fled his home to restart his life in a new city, with a name that matched it? Is this supposed to imply yet another parallel between Pekka and Kaz?????

I have no idea, this is purely theoretical, but considering that they are narrative foils and we can draw many, many parallels between them and this line is always on my mind, it’s personally my favourite solution. If you agree/disagree or have a different theory, let me know! I love stuff like this so much, it’s so interesting to see what different people think or how we might have read certain details differently