#nandor you beautiful idiot

[ladysternchen]

Alright. Now, this is gonna be long. And passionate. And the second rant I've written in an unusually short time. But today, I just about reached breaking-point.

Why the hell does the Silm-fadom do to Elu Thingol what it does to Elu Thingol. To be fair, it's not solely him, Elwing gets it far worse (what for????), but that's a post of its own. No, honestly. What the fuck is going on in the minds of people who demonise one character so much while totally glossing over EVERY character fault of others?

Now, don't get me wrong, as much as he is my favourite character in all I ever read or watched in my life, I know full well that Elu's no saint. He makes terrible mistakes, and he behaves at times in ways that make me want to forget that he's my fave. I also admit to reading/interpreting him a little differently from most people in the fandom (you know, being autistic sometimes comes with having a different view on people's motives and behaviours), but my opinions and headcanons are still canon-based. That's kind of the beauty of the Silmarillion with its very shallow character-descriptions, that it allows for various interpretations. That some are more apologetic than others is a result of that, and what in truth makes this fandom so very interesting. So being critical towards him is not at all what I am ranting about here.

But there is a difference between being critical and demonising.

I read a fic today that honestly shocked me to the core. And just in case author should come across this post and recognise their work in this text, please know that I am in no way criticising your story- on the contrary, it was a very good read, I found Elu as the narrating character to be hugely in character and perhaps in other circumstances, I would have quite liked it. I would have written that to you directly on AO3, but I know that critical comments are usually not well-received, and I also really didn't want to pester you about it. After all, it's don't like don't read. So to cut this short, my problem lies NOT with the fic, but with the reactions to it. And it really only was the final straw.

AND, had it been intended as a parody on fanon regarding Elu Thingol , it would have been spot-on as spot-on can be. It was basically saying that each and every thing that went wrong in FA was Elu Thingol's fault. The second and third kinslaying his fault, the deaths amongst the Noldor his fault and so on. And he drew the appropriate conclusions at the end. For which he was called a coward in the comments. And the thing is, that story is fanon on him in a nutshell. The Noldor are always depicted as the victims. And while I'm totally fine with that, be the fuck as apologetic to all characters, fandom.

Like, I'm totally fine with excusing the actions of the Noldor by mental health or just mistakes made or curiosity or hot-temper or a specific view on things. Yeah, great. Compassion is such an important element in all Tolkien's works that I am always in favour of displaying it also in the fandoms concerning his legendarium. But you can't just do it on one people. You can't depict Maedhros as the tragic hero while at the same time condemning Elu Thingol for naming the Silmaril in a flash of impulsivity, when he was telling Beren to begone. Yes, that was idiotic, yes, he was in the wrong there, yes, what happened after was totally a result of that mistake. But still I daresay that he was punished for that in the most terrible way possible, which was the death, the ultimate death, of his only child.

You cannot pass over the Noldor invading Elu's lands and then claim that the ban on Quenya -a language that had by then already been replaced with Sindarin in mixed settlements because Sindarin was easier for the Noldor to learn than Quenya was to the Sindar and Nandor- is cultural genocide.

you can't claim that the kinslayings were caused by Elu and Dior and Elwing's refusal to hand over the Silmaril, that they positively forced the Fëanorians' hands, and at the same be very understanding about the dwarves murdering Elu (yeah, he insulted them, is was an absolute arsehole there, but that still is no excuse for murder)

You can't go saying how the Oath drove the sons of Fëanor to all their actions and then be convinced that what made the Silmaril such a trap for Elu to be nothing but greed.

And just so I make my point completely clear, I am all for being apologetic. About Fëanor and his sons, about Eöl, about the smiths of Nogrod, be apologetic about Sauron and Morgoth even if you can find that in canon for yourself, or if you just happen to feel those characters. Be open and curious about the apologies other people have for their favourite characters. But apply those rules to ALL characters.

Honestly, please stop. Please, if you want to hate Elu, to which of course everyone is entitled, hate him for what he canonically does. Don't make up stories about him just to make him look worse. You know, you can love your faves without having to demonise others.

And please, if you need to vent your feelings about Elu Thingol... tag it as such. It's so so so annoying to try and find content about your character and then get nothing but bashing or the same half-truth repeated again and again and again without further evaluation.

(Even better, stop hating all around. Yeah, it's just fictional characters. But you know, courtesy to the internet, real people look a whole lot like fictional characters. Judging, demonising, bashing, scapegoating, that all works on real people (or peoples!) just like it works on fictional characters. And the trouble is, real people might react in real life just as Elu reacted in the aforementioned fanfic and take their own life. Only that in real humans, dead is dead.)

[inmyhorrorsera]

S5E6 "Urgent Care" thoughts

Colin being interesting was a cool idea that never crossed my mind it could be possible... but I think it was presented a little... abruptly? It's like there wasn't any prelude to this plot.

I can't add more fuel to my one-sided beef with FX networks merch department but seriously guys: Froguillermo plushies/figurines!!! You just don't want to make money at this point (look at me being all capitalist and shit).

Already said it in a different post but the Nandor/Colin pairing is very rare and I was pleasantly surprised how much I enjoyed it, considering both have this "nuisance of the group" energy. I noticed that Nandor storylines usually are very isolated if he doesn't have one with Guillermo or a is part of a bigger group. He has few plots with only one of his roomies (again, without counting Guillermo).

That dangling feet looked disgusting. Loved it.

I cant say much about the scene of Colin with the actor (didn't make me laugh so much), so a personal anecdote: for years I believed this Mad Men dude and Ted Danson from The good place were the same person.

I lied, there was a moment that made me laugh: in the car when it looked like Colin was successfully about to bore the actor, the camera pans to Nandor, and he looks SO devious, like his eyes were literally shining at the sight of Colin feeding (and his plan working).

Another thing I already mentioned in a separate post, but the set design of this hospital place was *chef's kiss*. It looked so good and expensive. You can tell when the people behind the scenes show care for their craft (reminds me of the beautiful sets from "The Night Market," one of the only good things from that episode).

Anyone noticed a random vampire wearing those lamp collars for pets on the waiting room? Made me think good kinky things I shan't say!

I've read lots of people mentioning this, and I agree with all of them: THIS is the Nadja and Guillermo crazy murderous shenanigans that we felt robbed of in S4.

also lmao of course i cant make one of these s5 thoughts without trashing s4. Yes, I sound traumatized (its because i am).

Nadja punching guys doesn't have the right to be this sexy.

There are rooms on this supernatural hospital that genuinely looked scary.

The Guide random appearance was more like "hey we're billing Kristen Schaal as a main cast now, so we have to put her somewhere", also she's wearing her hottest outfit thus far :D

High Guillermo was hilarious, and I think we don't praise Harvey's comedy chops on this show enough. (Usually, I see his dramatic moments being more highlighted.)

I CALLED IT! At the start of the episode I thought "oh so this is the episode when Nadja LEARNS". I also predicted right that every housemate will learn the truth about Guillermo except for Nandor, c'mon! that's a classic storytelling trope and I fuckin love how high drama all this shit is. Also happy that FINALLY I called something right with this show, the past year all my predictions on twt were debunked by bad writing, so I'm glad to have one W.

Nandor being desperate for a dying Colin, then Colin helping Nandor back. LOVE!

D.C + A.S.S.

Nandor has "the privilege" of murdering Guillermo… h*ly shit its all about the language this writers choose sometimes.

At first I dint get what the little frog said, but lovely people on this site helped that it croaked "guillermo"... so....what's up with that?

Biggest laugh of the night: "Guillermo you think I'm an idiot?" "Say no".

Yay this shit is gonna hurt so bad and I'm so ready for it. I want Tears! Blood! Screaming accusations!! High Drama!!!

Seriously, where's the Djinn?

[emmabirb8]

Thinking extreme Blorbo thoughts again, babes. Today's edition: Nandor and Guillermo's different styles of love.

Nandor loves with intense fiery passion. His love is devouring, burning, and fierce, much like the ingrained warlord side of him. A deep, mostly hidden part of him fears it, though. He feels the emotion with a pure ferocity that for most of his life, was socially unacceptable to outwardly show (mostly bc strong emotional attachments could be used against you in war), and as a consequence, that kind of love burns him. He instinctively shies away from it. He represses it and forbids himself from even thinking about it, hence why he has such trouble putting his true feelings into words. (When he has "loved" outwardly in the past in the cases of Gail, Meg, Jan, and Marwa, he didn't succumb to this fear because, as I've mentioned before in other meta posts, it was only surface-level. That love was one-sided and superficial. It's only the deep, heart-wrenching genuine kind of love that has a tendency to swallow him whole.)

Now, we obviously haven't seen Nandor admit to himself or anyone else that he loves Guillermo this way, but we know he does based purely on the context clues we've been given. SO, I suspect that when Nandor finally comes to fully acknowledge, pinpoint, and most importantly accept this passionate love and the passionate side of himself, the love he feels will transform. Instead of an uncontrollable destructive flame that he shies away from in fear of being burned, it will morph into a calmer fire that will keep him comfortably warm and act as fuel to motivate him to show Guillermo just how much he means to him. I'm sure he'll be tentative about it at first and he'll need an adjustment period so he can slowly relax into it like a feral cat learning to overcome fear and aggression, but he will definitely progress to a point of wanting to "get a good grade in boyfriend." 

He's gonna be so overenthusiastic and clingy and obnoxious and I love that for him. 😊

In contrast, Guillermo's love is patient, soft, and enduring. It's like a little sprout that blooms and thrives despite hardship and, sometimes, neglect that comes in the form of Nandor rejecting Guillermo's tentative advances for further physical contact and all the times Nandor dismisses him. While Guillermo represses his feelings (mostly due to his stifled Catholic upbringing and possibly homophobic social environment during his formative years), he keeps the little sprout hidden away in the deepest part of his heart, watering it only when his hope for something more is restored every now and then when Nandor demonstrates that he does in fact care about him. It survives, but it stays stunted and concealed.

When Guillermo comes to a point of fully acknowledging and embracing his own feelings and realizes that Nandor loves him back just as intensely, I have no doubt that that tiny little sprout will blossom into a gorgeous flower that he will proudly bring out into the light. He'll finally feel free to be his authentic self, displaying a love that shines just as bright and warm and beautiful as Nandor's and that he will have no hesitation showing to the world. Not anymore. He'll finally be comfortable enough to let every facet of himself be known, not just to Nandor but to everyone he cares about as well. 

Kind of an odd meta I know, but that's how I've deconstructed these two idiots' respective approaches to love. :P

[wen-kexing-apologist]

10 Characters and 10 Fandoms

I was hoping this day would not come. I had hoped I would fly free and clear from having to choose between all the people trapped in my television. But alas...I can avoid it no longer...thanks @lurkingshan

Cause here is the thing, when I think of what drives me batshit, crawling up the wall, tearing at the curtains it is not the characters but the dynamics that I love and cherish.

Rules: name 10 of your favourite characters from 10 different fandoms, then tag 10 people to do the same.

So I guess, without further ado, and in no particular order, here are 10 of my faves and why

Wen Kexing - Word of Honor

I mean...this one seems pretty obvious (coughs in username) but this is my dumb slut, okay? He's beauty, he's grace, he's got Zhou Zishu Derangement Syndrome harder than anyone.

Wen Kexing, how do I love you? Let me count the ways:

Unhinged

Fashion Icon

Crazy Bastard Man

Yi Baiyi's Number One Nuisance

Gay As Hell

And most importantly HE HAS NEVER DONE ANYTHING WRONG IN HIS LIFE.

Not Once. Not Ever.

Akk - The Eclipse

Oh Akk, my favorite little war criminal. If I had to pick one single favorite character, it's my boy.

Can't put my finger on why but for some reason I am obsessed with this emotionally repressed gay boy who has difficulty accepting himself and feels pressured to perform actions far outside what a teenager should be allowed to do because adults put pressure on him and because he doesn't want people to be disappointed in him...

Unlike Wen Kexing, Akk has done many things wrong, but he's my sweet cheese, good time boy, and he deserves to be harassed by his rat bastard boyfriend at all times. He's learned, he's grown, he's free of Suppalo and I want nothing but the best for him forever and alwas.

Jim Jimenez - Our Flag Means Death

Ohhhhh Jim. The Swagger, The Sex Appeal, The Being The Only Competent Member of Stede's Crew. I mean, what is not to love about The Orphan Raised By Nun Grandmother To Be a Killer?

As a fellow Studier Of The Blade, I would welcome the chance to let Jim kill me. Besides the fact they would lay waste to many, as an enby, they automatically earn a spot in my favs list.

Guillermo de la Cruz - What We Do In The Shadows

Tumblr Users, name a sexier character that Guillermo de la Cruz. That's right! YOU CAN'T!

Gay, serial killer...mmm you know what I'm beginning to sense a trend in my favs list...

eh, we can unpack that later!

My lovely, bumbling, dumbass with posession of the only brain cell in the household. So bright and smiley in the beginning you almost forget that he is 10 years in to literally hunting people to feed to his best friends/mortal enemies/family/tormenters/employers/bumbling idiots that stole him away from Panera Bread. There is no greater personification of the Duality of Man than the man who can lay waste to an entire theatre full of vampires and also spending literal hours closing every possible loophole in Nandor's Dick Length Wish. No greater personification of the Duality of Man than the man who can best Nandor in a gay little fight, and then immediately get pushed into a coffin and shipped to England.

Keyleth - Critical Role

My beloved, all powerful awkward disaster of a Druid. Keyleth helped me through some difficult fucking parts of my life, and I really appreciate how heavily Marisha allowed Keyleth to embrace and exert her anger where it needed to be released. I love how Keyleth can both bring a building down with her bare hands (literally) and turn into a goldfish and splatter along the rocks (also literally)

I love when character who are hurt or in pain or grieving continue to be kind, and I love when that composure starts to slip.

Ellie Williams - The Last of Us

I love my baby dyke with all my heart. She's a killer, she's a track star, she makes grown men weep and young kids laugh. She's immune from being mushroomified, and she horrifies Joel's Southern Table Manner Sensibilities. What more can you ask for out of a character?

Tankhun Theerapanyakul- KinnPorsche

Serves cunt.

Kaz Brekkar - Six of Crows

Kaz Brekkar is the walking contradiction, and that is why I love him.

Kaz, External Monologue: murder. murder. crime. crime. heist. heist. fuck pekka.

Kaz, Internal Monologue: Inej. Inej. Inej. Inej. Inej. Inej. Inej.

There is just something so juicy about a character who yearns desperately to touch, to hold, to love and is physically incapable of doing so. Also like, shout out to having disabled characters in media of all forms

Raine Whispers - Owl House

Again, enby, therefore automatically on the fucking list. But also like. COME ON. Look at them. They are so precious, they are so awkward, and they are so badass. This motherfucker can't talk on a stage to save their life, but can lead a goddamn rebel organization?

ALSO LIKE, LET'S DISCUSS THE FUCKING WHISTLE AND THE MONTHS OF FAKING MIND CONTROL?!?!?!??!?! Y'all seriously want to sit here and not claim them as a fav? Okay, but couldn't be me :)

Zuko - Avatar: The Last Airbender

It's Zuko. Need I say more? I will never not love Zuko because I lived through his redemption arc live on my TV. I went from hating this motherfucker's guts to truly deeply loving him in real time and that's all I have to say on that. He's a runner, he's a track star, he's a war criminal, and a baby girl, and truly is the king of kings for doing one nice thing and nearly dying from fever about it.

Well, this has made me realize that most of my favs are gay murderers. Teehee. Please never make me choose my favorite characters again.

If someone tags me in one of these, ask me to do my Top 10 Character Dynamics, please I beg you!!!!1

Tagging:

@bengiyo , @shortpplfedup , @kyr-kun-chan , @moonspiritmars

[reitheist]

my incoherent thoughts on wwdits season 5 episode 8 and a general reflection of the season thus far:

godddd I love the baron he's my fav side character doug jones does an amazing performance-- just the pure vampire camp energy exuded is perfect

this recent episode is probably my favorite this season. just the emotionssss and we get to see the payoff on how nandor and nadja have become so attached to guillermo. the note scene proves nandor has been so down bad all this time but he's a stupid idiot who struggles to express himself outside of joking around unless things get really dire (which they do in this ep, at least for nandor). he puts his full trust in guillermo. he's his body guard, his best man, his friend.

and on guillermo's side, he's wanted to be a vampire for at least 13 years. he's served nandor because he admires him on some level all these years. i think he became a vampire partly to become full equals with nandor. but his hasty decision means that he can't be real with nandor where it really matters. the little talk between him and the baron was just so interesting and sweet and sad, because he's painted himself into a corner with his secret. the baron speaks softly (with a morbid honesty unique to vampires lol) to guillermo and advises him. this is probably mostly due to the baron learning guillermo has turned, but the episode makes the point that the baron has softened quite a bit. he's taking eternity as it comes, which is a beautiful little character beat I love. sometimes a family is a crispy bloodthirsty baron, the very first vampire older than sin itself, a fire breathing puppy, and a dozen amphibian monstrosities. or: a killer girlboss with a silly side, her horny scientist husband, the dumbest guy you will ever meet, the creature that crawled out of the abdominal cavity of Colin Robinson, and a dorky familiar-turned cool bodyguard-turned dorky vampire (+the Guide, sorry girl).

I think the overall idea of the season is in how vampires fit into eternity and society. the answer: they do pretty much what humans do. they build community, they protect their own, they freak out about the little stuff, and they have fun where they can. the found family is strong this season, and I love it for it. The basic structure is somewhat present in previous seasons, but guillermo feels truly included in the dynamic here. along with this, colin is pushed less to the sidelines by the other vampires (i imagine his 'death' gave them some perspective on how they in truth appreciate his presence in their lives). nadja and lazlow protect guillermo's secret (and therefore his life) while colin and nandor protect each other in ep 6. nandor and nadja protect guillermo from being killed by the baron in ep 8.

while this season hasn't personally been the most consistently funny to me, I think wwdits has really hit its stride with storytelling mixed with comedy. this could all be deconstructed in the finale for all I know, but im quite excited to see where this season takes its last two episodes. im most interested where the story will take nadja's hex, the guide's seclusion from the group, any possible remnants of colin's childhood memory, laszlo's experimentation, guillermo's turning, and, of course, nandor's reaction to that.

[cookinguptales]

wwdits tarot: minor arcana

Okay, now that the Major Arcana is complete, I’m just going to do a quick rundown of the Minor Arcana.

The Minor Arcana (i.e. the cups, wands, swords, and pentacles cards) roughly correspond to the suits found in a normal playing deck. Each one has a meaning, but I mean. There are 56 of them.

I would happily design 56 more cards for this beautifully stupid show, but I think y’all have already been indulgent enough. If there’s ever any demand I might do the Minor Arcana, but I don’t… think anyone wants that. lmao

So I’ll just do a brief overview of the Minor Arcana, how the cards work, and which symbols I would use for my dear idiots.

Okay, so like I said, the Minor Arcana roughly corresponds to the suits you’ll see in regular playing card decks. Cups is hearts, wands is clubs, swords is spades, and pentacles is diamonds.

Each suit tends to tell a story from beginning to end with plenty of ups and downs, starting with the Ace and ending with the King, and each suit tends to have a particular association.

Cups/hearts cards tend to be about emotions, love, and relationships. Wands/clubs tend to be about creativity, willpower, and manifestation. Pentacles/diamonds tend to be materialistic. Finally, swords/spades are about reason and war.

(Side note: each suit here has 14 cards, not 13. Most of them are the same, but instead of Jacks, there are both Pages and Knights.)

Every card has a meaning, too, just like the Major Arcana do, but there are patterns. Most of the suits follow similar beats of triumph and despair, even if each manifests it in a different way. A lot of decks don’t include the Minor Arcana because there are so many of them, but there’s a rich tradition for each of these cards and they’re really key to a layered reading.

These cards tend to be just as evocative as the Major Arcana, if not more so, and many of them are really beautiful. Their imagery is at times really iconic and you’d probably recognize some of the cards if I showed them to you.

I also feel like they would really suit our dumb vampires — with a few little changes.

Like tell me this wouldn’t suit Nandor and/or Guillermo really well.

While some decks stick strongly to the swords/wands/cups/pentacles imagery, some replace these symbols with ones more suitable to the topic of the deck. A floriography tarot might replace cups with tulips. A Halloween tarot might replace pentacles with pumpkins. You see what I mean.

So here are the symbols I would use in my WWDITS tarot deck.

The swords are easy. These would be replaced by stakes. They’re close enough in function, and the suit’s associations with reason but also pain, blood, and anxiety suit Guillermo & his relationships with the others well, I think.

Next, cups. I’ve noticed that the vampires tend to like to put blood in little wine glasses when they want to be fancy, and I think those cups would be perfect for this deck. Cups are all about love and abundance, and that’s exactly what blood symbolizes in this show.

These little guys. Don't get distracted by what's going on in the scene, I say having written an entire meta about those glasses in this scene and how they symbolize the distance and ever-present promise/threat of vampirism between the two of them.

Next we have pentacles. Pentacles are basically just coins, and I’ve noticed that a lot of decks hew fairly close to this symbolism. Coins are just a very adaptable symbol, and one that has stayed very close to the suit’s themes of money and possessions. That said, I’m remembering that the suit is also associated with diamonds… So I’m thinking, overall, about the vampires’ treasure. They seem to have a limitless supply of antiques, ancient coins, and jewelry. So I think that I would use both antique coins and jewels for this deck.

Finally, wands. Wands, along with being associated with creativity and willpower, are aligned with the element of fire. (Pentacles, cups, and swords are earth, water, and air respectively.) With that in mind, I think our best bet for wands is candles. The shape suits the original symbol, and there is that element of fire, illumination, and ingenuity there as well. And… well, a little bit of danger. An idea can be dangerous in the wrong hands, and I assure you — almost every hand in this show is the wrong one.

So. Swords, cups, pentacles, and wands. Stakes, chalices, treasure, and candles. I think these are all images that call to mind our vampires while also having the potential to be used in some really creative ways.

There’s a lot to WWDITS that I wasn’t able to put in the Major Arcana, and it would be fun to incorporate those characters, settings, and objects into the Minor Arcana. So many monsters, so little time.

Again, I probably won’t do a full write-up for the Minor Arcana unless people want me to (or if someone wants to design an actual deck with me) but I hope this all at least serves as an overview for what the rest of the deck would hold.

Thanks for indulging for all this time, and I hope you loved and/or learned something. I had a really fun time with this project and I hope you did, too. 💜

wwdits tarot masterpost

[nellie-elizabeth]

What We Do in the Shadows: The Campaign (5x04)

I'm in a bit of a Good Omens coma at the moment so pardon me if this is rather a brief review!

Cons:

I guess I wanted a bit more of an understanding of where Lazlo was coming from with his behavior towards the people of Little Antipaxos. It seems like he's trying to impress them at first, but he belittles them and thinks they're all primitive idiots. Then, when they don't warm to him, he immediately goes hostile and tells them to fuck off. This from the man who refuses to set foot back in his homeland because they insulted his beautiful and perfect wife Nadja. I wish we could have seen this play out more from Lazlo's perspective, so we could see maybe that he's feeling insecure or strange about all the time Nadja is spending with these new friends, or something.

Pros:

That said, Lazlo and Nadja are still hilarious, and I did love the resolution, wherein Nadja's new friends think that Lazlo is a figure from their old folktales, a particularly foolish and mean-spirited oaf who brings good luck to those who are near him. That would be funny to see more stories about!

Nandor is trying to find new friends because Guillermo has been pulling away from him, refusing to hang out as much as they normally would. Nandor makes friends with a Jewish man named Alexander from the gym, but when the friendship progresses slower than he would like, he decides to get circumcised just to be more like him. Of course, what with vampire healing, his foreskin grows back immediately, so he ends up just flashing his dick at this guy he barely knows at the gym as an overture of friendship, which does not go well.

I'm living for the strange codependent bizarre nature of Nandor and Guillermo's relationship; they really seem to be leaning into it this season. Guillermo is avoiding him because he doesn't want Nandor to find out about the vampire thing, and Nandor is openly admitting how insecure this makes him feel, as he seeks out alternate companionship. Guillermo giving Nandor a circumcision? Are you kidding? They are the WEIRDEST people on the planet. I love that they get to go to a movie together in the end, even if Nandor is back to being super rude to Guillermo in the process.

And then in our main story, Colin is running for Comptroller, but only because giving speeches at meetings is a great opportunity for a mass feeding. He enlists the help of his old flame the emotion vampire Evie, who poses as his wife for his campaign. However, things take an interesting turn when a council of Energy Vampires declares that Colin needs to actually win, because his opponent wants to streamline government bureaucracy and do away with all the extra forms, which is the whole lifeblood of energy vampire kind! Colin doesn't want this, so he "accidentally" flashes and moons a bunch of voters on a Zoom call, meaning he has to drop out of the race. Evie takes over and wins on write-in votes, and ends their relationship.

I mean, Colin has one bit, and he does it really well, and it's almost always extremely funny. Meeting a bunch of other energy vampires and seeing them all play off each other was the best kind of comedic torture. The whole bit about going to the home screen and finding settings on the phone to silence alerts... I could feel my brain leaking out of my nose. I also love that Evie's gimmick is a variation. While Colin aims to bore you to death, Evie aims to depress you to death with her sad tales of woe. It's fun to see those two different vibes bounce off each other.

So there you go! A fun installment. I'm still waiting for the other shoe to drop with Guillermo's big transformation, but it's a fun ride to get there!

8/10

[sheultrabeef]

Guillermo beating Nandor again and Nandor ending up on his knees again....I AM SCREAMING AND CRYING AND PUNCHING THE WALL

[nandorscloak]

Takeaway thoughts from the wedding in no particular order:

- does anyone ship the Djinn/Nandor yet? Because it’s kind of precious how he started by giving Nandor exactly what he wanted as soon as he said it damn the consequences ‘I teach lessons about desire and greed’ to ‘yah Instead of your basketball star I gave you a moving cardboard cutout idk man. You sure you want her parents back? Maybe temporary instead? Yeah cool, brunch the day after can-do buddy, wont even charge you another wish. Oh you ran out of wishes?…..here, three freebies. Happy wedding’

- The Guide is in love with Nadja

- everything about the baron was just perfect. His crispy bacon self sitting on the couch. The makeover montage. His beautiful gliding and how fucking serene he seems to be back in his body

- all the side characters lately, the way they’ve been treated is just lovely. Remember Darren? He got a job. Guillermo didn’t forget about him, he still feels bad and invited him to a wedding. Seanie? Well we GOT to have him AND his wife, it’s not a party without them. The sire and the hellhound? Still chilling and living their best afterlife. The Wraiths? Down to clown. We’ve hit the sweet spot where the show is shuffling people in without blinking and expecting you to keep up and I love it.

-Laszlo coming in late to drop a sick new tune and lust after the baron

-baby Colin and the Nadja doll

-Marwa is a gem and needs more screen time

-the Sklar Brothers continue to delight by existing

-screaming Guillermo. Guillermo screaming. More please

-Nandor. My big beautiful idiot. You’re so SAD this season. I’m sad for you. Please hug Memo, for both of our sakes. I need to see him comb your hair again. I want him to hold your hand as you retreat to your coffin. You’re using wishes to close your coffin because you construct intricate rituals to avoid the touch of another man.

-I’m seriously beginning to think the house is going to collapse. Metaphorically, physically. The home they had before is falling apart; it needs to break down so they can build a new one that fits their new family.

[falcor-thee-luck-dragon]

Dark Shenanigans - Nandor x (f)reader

Summary: It’s Nadja’s something hundredth birthday, with that said, you’re on a mission to make it great.

Warning: fluff, general vampire nonsense

Masterlist

“Yeah being a half vampire half human does have its perks. I mean for one I can do all that cool vampire shit and I can go out in the sunlight...so that helps for when they’re all being really annoying.” You admit with a casual shrug to one of the documentary cameras before turning to an isle of party supplies. “So anyways we’re at this store.”

The camera shifts to the multiple arras of supplies and materials at the local supermarket in Staten Island that you and your vampire lover’s human familiar, Guillermo, currently are. Specifically on the hunt for birthday decorations for Nadja and ghost Nadja who’s possessed a strange looking doll for the time being.

Since the other four actual full vampires can’t shop for themselves at this time of day or really in general, you and Guillermo have been given such an honorable task in making Nadja’s birthday the best one yet. Considering she’s the most well balanced in the head out of the four of them and is the only other lady of the manor.

“Hey Y/N, how’s this look?” Wonders Guillermo as he holds up a bunch of Mardi Gras beads of yellows, purples, and greens. “Comments, questions, concerns?” He adds with a small smile.

Eyeing up the beads, your head shifts over to the other various colors, “Hrmm, G I’m feeling the vibe you’re going for this year and I like it, but let’s go with Nadja colors.”

Guillermo’s dark eyes light up at your positive suggestion, “Right! So the red and black ones then?”

“Yup. She’ll love that shit.” You state with a satisfied nod of approval, “Let’s get some black and gold confetti from over there and oh, those masquerade masks look cool as fuck.”

You pick up and test out various masks in the background as Guillermo adds some bits of dialogue for the documentary crew, “Um yeah she’s really cool isn’t she.” He says with a smile while glancing at you then back to the camera, “Which is kind of odd since Y/N’s been with Nandor since 1793 so you’d think she’d be a little more like them but no, she’s super chill and really nice.” Suddenly his face goes a bit serious as he leans in to whisper, “But she did kill a whole street gang once when they threw a slur at me so I wouldn’t mess with her. For your safety.”

The camera pans back over to an oblivious you who’s put on a masquerade mask and is swinging a plastic light saber around with a whole lot more accuracy and grace then would a normal person. The camera then pans back to Gullimero, “Um, I’m just gonna....make sure she doesn’t smack anyone.”

——

Arms full of groceries of food for you and Gullimero, as well as random party decorations for Nadja’s birthday tomorrow night, you use the bottom of your boot to skillfully open the door as the documentary crew and Guillermo follows suit. Guillermo now on the verge of falling over with the large heart shaped pillow in his arms that’s covering most of his body.

You don’t feel tired in the slightest due to your half vampiric abilities so this is nothing to you, “Alright.” You state, turning on your heel to face the crew and Guillermo, “They’re asleep so we gotta be extra sneaky now, I don’t want Nadja catching us with all this cool spooky birthday shit. Everyone to the attic!” You whisper yell before leading the charge to the attic.

They all follow as quietly and as quickly as they can and then soon enough in no time are you and Guillermo back outside in the sunny garden trying to figure out if you should blow up the giant sea monster pool floaty.

“I mean it would look cool as hell and no doubt out-do whatever the fuck boring thing Lazlo probably has planned.” You quip with a shrug while the two of you stare thoughtfully at the small gloomy dark pond. “He’s got no chance with us. I’ve won best decorator and card maker for two hundred years in a row.”

Guillermo side eyes you in honest amazement, “Wow that’s a lot of years. And cards.”

“I know. I was an artist in the 12th century but my no good terrible good for nothing piece of garbage trash sexist human husband, who I was forced to marry when I was only sixteen, took all the credit for my artwork in that era.” You confirm with a growl, “But it stings less because once I finally grew into my powers and strength at eighteen I simply made his untimely demise look like an accident.” You add with a smirk.

“Oh, wow.” Mutters the intrigued familiar.

“Precisely. The old fool was thrown off his horse because I told Philip, the horse, to throw him off. And he did. Which killed the idiot so I got the house and all of his money.”

“That’s......neat.” Mutters Guillermo as he shoots the camera crew from behind you and him a nervous look. “Uh the suns going down so I should probably help Nandor out of his coffin.”

Raising your head to the sky you immediately see how the sun has begun to paint the clouds in beautiful colors of oranges, reds, light pinks, and darkening purples. “Oh, how bout that. Yeah alright let’s get inside.” You nod to Guillermo before turning to walk towards the manor’s giant mahogany doors.

——

Turning the handle and walking a couple feet into the large main room that holds itself as a sort of crossroads for all the other various connecting hallways and staircases. You don’t make it even three more steps towards the left ascending staircase before you hear the highly recognizable voice of your one and only.

“Y/N! My lovely wife and favorite person still ever so lovely!” Announces Nandor loudly with a grand smile showing off his pearly white fangs, “How I have missed you and your morning kisses. Where have you been off to?” He wonders softly as you smile a big dumb love-struck grin right back up at him, you’d absolutely die to hear that accent one last time.

“I can’t tell you right now it’s a secret!” You whisper yell back, causing his thick dark brows to scrunch up in confusion.

“But I am your lovely strong puff dragon Y/N.” Whines Nandor adorably as you roll your eyes at the cameras before looking back up at him.

“Fine. Come here then.”

In an instant he’s at your side, excitedly awaiting what secretive news you will tell him, “Okay, so we know it’s Nadja’s birthday tomorrow right?”

“Yes. I remember because she hasn’t shut up about it.”

“Right. So me and Gullimero got some fun surprise birthday party decorations and they’re in the attic and we can’t tell Nadja.”

Nandor gives you a knowing look of affirmation as he leans in closer to you, his demeanor suddenly shifting into a more saddened one, “You went shopping without me?” He says quietly.

Leaning up to give him a quick peck on the cheek your hands instantly find his, “Just for a little while, but I still need to find more stuff so....you wanna come?”

Nandor’s big dark eyes light up with joy as you hand him a kind smile, “Yes! Let us go in search of unknown treasures for our lady friend Nadja so she will not be mad at us for terrible dull gifts of friendship.”

Laughing you give his hands a playful squeeze, “Come on I’ll race you to Party City!” You say before leading him past the camera crew and Guillermo who simply watches the two of you leave, glad to have an hour of peace.

“There’s a whole city for partying? Y/N why have we never been to this place?”

——

“Y/N there are no people partying here.” Whines your vampire lover in puzzlement as he follows you from the entrance to a side isle. “You said this was a city for partying.”

“That’s just the name of the store Nans.” You retort with a small chuckle as he looks from right to left at all the color coded party plates and napkins galore.

“Well the title is very misleading.”

“Agreed.”

Turning to the right you guide him towards the decretory pirate themed isle in search of something that will peak his interest. Also you wanted so badly to make it to this spot but Gullimero was a man on a mission so your intention was thwarted for when you had Nandor with you.

Speed walking down the pirate themed isle you quickly halt all movement as Nandor’s large body stops within less than an inch from your back. Smiling brightly you snatch the desired object in front of you and as swift as a cat turn to face him.

“Have you come for a dual my old enemy?” You speak slyly, eyes narrowed as you hold the foam sword right in front of his face. “I sense a nervousness about you. Tell me, are you ready to face your inevitable bloody end?”

Staring at the pointy foam, his dark puppy eyes shift over to you as an adorable fangy grin breaks out across his pale face, “Seems you have come prepared, oh radiant and alluring seductress. Well, so have I!” Shouts Nandor before grabbing two foam swords from off the rack and swinging them in both hands like a mad man.

Taking a cautious step back you hold your pathetic five dollar sword in both hands like a true warrior ready for battle, “Only one shall leave this place alive.” You affirm with a smirk, “And it’s not going to be you.”

“Arrrrrggg.” Bellows your lover as he charges you like the true conqueror that he once was. But all to soon do you swiftly duck under his arms and swat him over his stomach with a confident thwack sound.

He makes a puny little “oww” as you turn around to face him once again, “Y/N you hit me kind of hard.” He complains, looking rather defeated and genuinely hurt that you could have intentionally injured him on purpose.

Bringing the plastic weapon down to your side once again, your face suddenly softens as you walk over to him, “Come here you big baby.” You quip sincerely as he leans down so you can give his cheek a quick kiss.

Rising back to his full height, Nandor almost blushes as the corners of his eyes crinkle into a happy smile, “Actually it didn’t hurt at all I just wanted you to kiss me.” Reveals the vampire with a proud grin as you simply roll your eyes.

“Should have known.” You add before turning and snatching up four more plastic foam pirate swords for the others. “Alright let’s get outta here, follow me my love, to the checkout line we shall purchase our weapons of war and partying on the high seas.” You announce with gusto as Nandor stands proudly at your side, ready to follow you anywhere.

“Yes. To check out.”

——

Kicking open the unlocked door, Nandor bursts into the vampire residence with bags full of goodies for Nadja’s birthday party. You right behind him but less dramatically, “We’re back!” You shout to no one in particular as Colin Robinson suddenly appears from out of nowhere, looking ready to leave with his funny little hat and usual beige jacket.

“Oh hey guys,” He starts with a friendly nod, “I’m just heading out on the town tonight. I guess there’s a fair or something in the park and I wanted to test my skill at the ball toss. I’ve been reading up on the body mechanics and how the game is set up which seems pretty basic all in all. Also I really want to win a stuffed bear this time, it might add a little pizazz to my room. Welp see ya’round.” Adds Colin before walking past the two of you without another word and out into the night he goes with some of the camera crew following close behind.

Nandor turns to you with a look of annoyance, “Jeesh I thought he would never leave. Let’s go to your room I want to kiss you some more now.”

“Why my room?”

“Because since you are half vampire you get to sleep in a bed and because I am a full vampire I sleep in a coffin.” Inquires Nandor while looking at you with those big beautiful dark eyes of his, “And my coffin is too small for cuddles so your room will suffice.”

“Yeah that’s a fair point.” You shrug before following him to your room.

After many cuddles leading to other more rated R type activities that lasted until just about sunrise, you finally got some well needed rest while the sun shone high in the sky until she began her dramatic descend back into oblivion. Opening your eyes you slowly rise from out of your comfy bed, already missing the presence of your obsidian eyed lover.

He gets too nervous about your closed windows for fear that the sun might burn him which would be impossible because you black out the glass. But alas, he’s very cautious about these types of things and won’t risk it for anything, though he feels bad about leaving you in the morning, you understand.

Suddenly it dawns on you that today or perhaps tonight, is Nadja’s birthday and you completely forgot to set up any decorations. Shit, how stupid. Throwing the blankets off of you, your feet move quick as you speedily change yesterday’s outfit for something a bit nicer and more clean.

Racing out of your room and into the dimly lit manor hallway, you make a bee line for the attic but before you’re able to reach the steps, Guillermo runs into you, just about knocking you into a wall of various stolen ancient weapons. Sharp ones at that.

That was close.

“Y/N are you okay!” Worries the familiar as you quickly gather your bearings.

“Guillermo! The decorations! Nadja’s birthday!” You whisper yell as the human man simply smiles. “Why are you smiling, this situation does not call for smiles.”

“Don’t worry. While you were sleeping I set up all the decorations.” He replies with a shrug, “No problem.”

“What? But that must have taken you all day, you could have asked me for help. I would have come.” Your brows furrow as he shakes his head, though you still feel bad for not helping with anything.

“Well I did try, but um,” Gullimero awkwardly clears his throat, giving the camera a quick glance, “Nandor was with you and last time I asked for you while you and him where having alone time he threatened to carve out my eyeballs and force feed them to me.”

Pinching the bridge of your nose in annoyance you take a deep breath, “Sounds like him. Very creative when he wants to be, alright, well....where’s everyone?”

“Oh, they’re not up yet. I was actually on my way to get you. I made blood popsicles and the pool floaty is all done and in the pond.” He says with a sense of pride for his decorating skills. “I think she’ll like what we’ve come up with this year.”

-

Standing in the living room with your three fellow immortals you search a dresser for her card, “Oh shit where’s my card? I could have sworn I had it yesterday on my dresser but I don’t remember seeing it there in the morning. Maybe it’s in this one?”

“Witches!” Hisses Nadja as you huff in frustration, where the hell did you put that damn card?

“Oh, Y/N my love,” Intervenes Nandor with a gentle tug of your sleeve, “I took it with me when I left your room before sunrise because I wanted to put my name on it too so she would know it’s from us.”

“What?” Replies Lazlo dramatically, “Now hold on just a damn minute, this card competition is individually scored so I won’t be having any of this nonsense. I worked really hard on mine this year.”

“Oh lick a donkey’s arse, look here,” You retort with, quickly holding up the card for Nadja, “there are two separate drawings on ours so either way if one of us wins she gets both our pictures. So you better hope your drawing doesn’t resemble a night clubs bathroom wall.”

“Yeah.” Mutters Nandor, who’s hiding behind you while resting both hands on either one of your shoulders as you glare at Lazlo.

“Fine.” Agrees Lazlo begrudgingly, “And mine will be amazing, this bitch of paper took me a whole six months to plan and produce. Can’t get quality this good anywhere else I guarantee it.” Adds Lazlo with a firm nod of self approval as you glance at the nearby camera.

“Right, okay everyone sit it’s time for presents. I want to know what you all got me.” Beams Nadja excitedly as she smiles a fangy grin in delight, plopping herself down in one of the arm chairs. Lazlo quickly finding the other one while you and Nandor seat yourself on the large couch. Colin and Guillermo finding somewhere to sit close by respectfully.

“Well, all I can say is hold onto your socks my dear cause this is going to blow you away.” Smirks Lazlo as he pulls a small box from out of his jacket pocket.

“If it’s a self made business card that says invitation to sexy town I will puke.” You deadpan while Nandor laughs from beside you, causing Lazlo to lose his smirk as Nadja hides her amusement the best she can manage.

“He he, sexy town, nice one Y/N.” Mutters Nandor with a proud grin as you raise a brow at Lazlo who’s giving you a hard glare.

“Oh, my dear pumpkin pie love, don’t listen to Y/N I will love anything you gift me.” Encourages Nadja with a bright welcoming smile, no doubt immediately boosting Lazlo’s once irked mood.

Rolling your eyes you shift a bit to find yourself leaning into Nandor’s body as Nadja opens up the rest of the vampire residents various gifts. A joyous fangy smile gracing her pale features every single time, revealing this birthday party was a thrilling success.

After much more fun that just about lasts throughout the whole night, and some rare but hilarious attempts at dancing between the five of you vampiric individuals. You’re feeling rather sleepy and you can tell Nandor is ready for a trip to dreamland as well.

Swaying to the lowly playing record instrumental, you hold Nandor tight while simultaneously enjoying the feeling of him so close, him doing just the same as he keeps you firmly pressed against his chest. His long dark hair tickles your face as he presses his head to your cheek, doing his absolute best to keep the flow without tripping up.

Sensing his growing fatigue, you gently squeeze his hand, “My love the sun will be up soon, let’s get you to bed, yes?”

A small lazy smile tugs at the corners of his lips while he looks down to meet your gaze, “But my dark angel I’m not tired. I want to dance with you a little longer.” He whines adorably before failing to conceal a big yawn.

Giggling, you lean back to slowly lead him towards the door, “That yawn says otherwise.”

“That wasn’t a yawn Y/N, I was just smiling really big.” He protests, though he still follows your lead to the door.

“I’ve never seen anyone smile like that.” You add with a raised brow.

“Well maybe that’s just how I smile.”

Letting out a breathy snort, you pull away from him to at last take his one hand, “Come. I can’t have a single ray of that dreaded sun to get a taste of your precious skin. Not on my watch.”

Glancing at the closed front door, Nandor squeezes your hand, “Well um, now since you’ve mentioned the sun...I think I’d like to go to my crypt now.” He says, the flash of worry crossing over his face for only a brief moment.

“You sure? I mean a sunrise is pretty beautiful if I’m being honest and I know you never get to see them...”

“Not funny Y/N. And not fair, you know I can’t because I am full vampire.”

“And you’re missing out.”

“And I’d like to stay alive Y/N.”

“Aren’t you dead?”

“Yes and I am your only husband so I need to stay not burnt to a crisp.”

Chuckling, you follow him down the hallway, “Oh really? Don’t want me finding myself with another vampiric lover? Some new beast to sweep me off my feet and take me away into the night.” You tease.

Side eyeing you, he frowns, “No. Don’t I sweep you off your feet?”

Stepping into his crypt you stop him with your hand against his bicep, “Always.” You whisper sincerely with a quick wink, causing him to break out into a big fangy grin.

“Good. And if anyone would try and whoo you I would make sure there would be no more whooing again!” Exclaims Nandor, making the candles rise in flame for only a short second at his rise in emotion for how much he loves you.

“I don’t doubt they would fall by your blade. Not for a second.”

[sunnyrosewritesstuff]

Fic Rec Fridays 12/17

Alright, coming in a little late with this one, but you guys seemed to enjoy the last one so I’m continuing this series with a little Bagginshield and a little Nandermo.

BAGGINSHIELD

Child of Earth and Sky by orphan_account- Mult-chapter 22/22, 140K+, Rating: M

Summary: Certain events in Bilbo’s life were always destined to come to pass, but the will of Belladonna Took is not to be trifled with, and her choice may yet change the lives of many.

This is the story of how Bilbo became the kin of the Eagles of Manwë, and all that happened after.

Why I Recommend: Honestly, I’m a little embarrassed I’ve never read this one before now after seeing fanart for it on tumblr for a couple of years now, but I love the culture explorations of the Eagles of Manwë and its honestly just a badass story.

Reaper of heart by ahenid- One-shot, 7K+, Rating: M

Summary: Thorin is a reaper, that is, someone who refused to be reborn. His task is to convince souls to go to the Other Side, to stand in front of Mahal and be given the Choice. Most of them wish to go and forget their previous life, whereas others, like him, prefer to keep their memories and serve their god.

And then there is Bilbo Baggins, a soul mysteriously clinging to the realm of the living, and who Thorin is strangely drawn to.

Why I Recommend: Just read this one this morning actually! Love the concept! Beautiful AU setup and perfect reveal at the end. PLEASE BE CAREFUL WITH THIS ONE THOUGH! SENSITIVE MATERIAL SUCH AS CHARACTER SUICIDE IS IN THIS ONE!

new morning by vtforpedro- One-shot, 11K+, Rating: M

Summary: In which Bilbo doesn't like living in a world where soulmates exist. Maybe it's because his own seemingly doesn't want to be found after a long while spent looking for them, but it turns out his soulmate is not all that far away, and his search for Bilbo is immortalized in stone.

Why I Recommend: If you guys don’t know this about me already, I am an absolute sucker for soulmate AUs! And I love little twists in them as well. This one is just so down to earth with such realistic reactions. I love it! And would read 100K of it if it existed!

NANDERMO

the lion’s devotion (the lamb’s downfall) by UnfortunatelyObsessed- One-shot, 20K+, Rating: M

Summary: Guillermo pauses, eyes wide. He tries to say something. He can’t.

“I killed a man because he made me angry. I have done this— many times.”

“That’s— that’s a mortal sin, you—““I do not wish to be absolved. I want to know why. Why do I feel this… this ache where my soul should be?”

Guillermo’s breath shakes as he exhales. The grate is thin, so thin that a determined man could crash through it and wrap hands around his neck, force the life out of him. “You feel guilt.”

“Why now? Why at all? Why— fuck-ing hell.” The last bit comes out as a pained gasp, and Guillermo can see the man’s head duck, his shoulders hunch. “Can we do this outside? It hurts in here.”

Why I Recommend: Oh my gosh. OH MY GOSH! THIS FIC RIGHT HERE! It’s incredible! The blossoming love between Guillermo and Nandor is so... 👌 And not going to lie, got strong Castlevania vibes from the religious ideology that God exists and is on the opposite side of creatures of the night, but that churches and the people who run them can still be corrupted. Just an AMAZING story summed up in 20K words.

Nandor the Restless by LuluBear- One-shot, 3K+, Rating: T

Summary: Nandor the Relentless was fully aware he was dead. He died as he lived, relentlessly persuing his enemies and slaughtering them for the glory of Al Quolanudar. However as he stood, ripped away from his peaceful slumber, he realised it seems that his body hadn't gotten the memo and was therefore going to be dubbed Nandor the Restless.

Why I Recommend: I am all on board with the Nandor Ghost having a boner for Guillermo trope!  😆 And this is by far my favorite one! Not just because Ghost!Nandor is like ‘great, I’ve become an idiot’, but I love that he is like ‘oh look at this hot piece of warrior ass I keep around, I sure hope I’m banging that’.

 Transcendent Heart by foxymandy3100- WIP 1/?, 2K+, Rating: T

Summary:  One minute Guillermo had been protecting his master from witches, the next he was hurdling back over 700 years in the past. He landed in the war-devastated ruins of a town being pillaged by the Persian army. He was captured and held prisoner. What does the Nandor of the past intend to do with him and how will he get home?

Why I Recommend: Okay...okay. So normally, I don’t recommend fics that are just getting started because you never know if the author is going to lose interest...*cough, cough, calling myself out here* but I had to try this one because it looked so interesting and I am HOOKED! I’m so excited to keep up with this one and hope they will continue because it is an AWESOME AU!

[chelsfic]

Leftovers - Part 12/12 - Nandor the Relentless x Female Reader Fanfic

For Previous Parts: WWDITS Masterlist

Summary: The reader shares her last night alive with her new family.

A/N: I realized as I was writing this that this whole fic could really be read as an elongated metaphor for my falling in love with this show and this fandom. I hope you guys like this ending and aren’t disappointed. 

Warnings: Angst, Emotions, Crack humor, Turning into a vampire

---

It’s an hour after sunset and you can hear your housemates stirring. You’re still lying in bed. The ceiling overhead is cracked and peeling in places. You suppose this probably won’t be your bedroom for much longer. Nandor will want you to move into his crypt. Will you have your own coffin? Or will he want to keep sharing? How does one even purchase a coffin for...personal use?

You know you’re stalling. Nandor is being uncharacteristically patient, but he won’t wait all night. You’re not afraid. Okay, you’re afraid. But, you’d be stupid not to be. You saw Guillermo during his transition. He looked like hell for about three whole days. But you know Nandor will take care of you. Well, strike that. You know Nandor will try to take care of you and if he fails, Nadja and Guillermo will be there. 

The night you met...the night you almost became a meal...was your birthday. So much has happened since then. You’ve been kept prisoner, fed upon, attacked, hurt. You’ve also fallen in love with every vampire in this crazy house, even Colin Robinson, bless his heart. Nandor and his bizarre mix of vicious lust and achingly sweet softness has somehow pulled you into this world, into a place you’ve always belonged without even knowing it. So, yeah, you’re afraid. But the idea of not spending every night for the rest of eternity surrounded by these beautiful, damaged, stupid idiots is even more frightening.

A knock comes at your door and Nadja’s voice trills, “Hello, human? May I come in?”

You roll onto your side and sit up, dangling your bare legs over the edge of the bed. You’re wearing one of your few dresses because...well, because you’re going to die tonight and shouldn’t you dress up a little?

Nadja slips inside looking resplendent and deadly as always. She gives you a sympathetic smile and comes to sit next to you.

“Feeling a little nervous about our unholy transition, are we?” she ducks her head and gives you that mama-vampire-knows-best look of hers.

You lean your shoulder into hers, taking comfort in her presence.

“Maybe a little…” you admit. “I’m not having second thoughts or anything it’s just…”

“A little spooky wooky, yes?” Nadja supplies. She wraps her arm around your back and pulls you closer. “Don’t concern your head off, darling. I don’t know if you realize this but I am considered a bit of an expert. I’ve turned many, many humans in my time. Including my dear Laszlo. I’ll make sure Nandor does not slip up and accidentally make you into a zombie monstrosity like my poor Topher.”

You rear back and stare at Nadja with horror stricken eyes, “That’s a possibility!??”

Nadja chuckles and tweaks your nose, “I am giving you sarcasm! To lighten the mood! It’s working, yes?”

You let out a long-suffering sigh that hiccups into nervous laughter.

“I love you, Nadja,” you say with sudden, overwhelming emotion. You dive forward and wrap your arms around her in a fierce hug.

Nadja is stricken for a moment and she pats your back gingerly, “That’s...very nice. You think you want to come downstairs now? Because Nandor is being a real donkey dick down there waiting for you, but his balls are too shriveled to come up here and get you himself.”

You laugh and pull back from the hug, wiping tears from your eyes, “Yeah, let’s go. I’m ready.”

---

“SURPRISE!” 

“HAPPY DEATHDAY!”

“SMASHLEY’S IN DA HOUSE!”

“What’s crack-a-lackin’?”

Nandor looks supremely put out when everyone yells something different as you walk through the door to the fancy room. Does no one listen to him? They had an agreed upon plan! He scowls at at the other vampires, especially fucking Colin Robinson, before sweeping over toward you and taking you from Nadja’s arm.

“Welcome to your Death Day Party! Do you like it?” Nandor looks down at you with those wide, sparkling eyes that make you forget he’s a centuries old blood-sucking fiend who once conquered nations and slaughtered thousands. 

You take in your surroundings with a look of wonder. There’s a giant glitter banner hanging above the fireplace that reads “Congratulations on your Dark Awakening.” You recognize it as Nandor’s handiwork at once. Also, Guillermo has obviously been to Party City because everyone is wearing pointed birthday hats with little Dracula emojis all over them and the whole room is absolutely covered in crepe paper. 

“It’s...so cute!” you squeal, grabbing him around the middle in an enthusiastic hug. This is...just want you needed. A little goofy, human levity before stepping off the edge of the unknown. Your eyes continue wandering over the room until they fall upon a long table set up against the wall. “Oh...my g--gahhhh--is that mac and cheese?”

The table is covered in dish after dish of all your favorite comfort foods. Macaroni and cheese, pizza, lasagna. Apple pie, blueberry pie, cherry pie! There’s a whole giant bowl of Reese’s peanut butter cups. You pull away from Nandor and dash across the room, launching yourself into Guillermo’s arms.

“You’re the sweetest monster I’ve ever known!” you cry, doing your best to squeeze the unlife out of him.

Guillermo laughs, “Listen, you’re going to be puking for days either way. You might as well have one last chance to enjoy human food.”

You roll your eyes, “Thanks for the reminder, Memo.”

“Alrighty!” Nandor is suddenly picking you up from behind and plucking you out of Guillermo’s arms. “That’s enough of that. Why don’t you have some of this--” he turns his head away from you and gags “--yummy food and then we’ll listen to some human musical arrangements that Nadja and Laszlo have prepared.”

Nandor hovers at your side, watching with a wrinkled nose as you pile food onto your plate. You’ve barely made a dent in the impressive spread and you’re feeling guilty about the waste when Colin Robinson ambles up.

“So, nervous about Nandor draining all your blood and killing you tonight?” he asks breezily.

You ignore the question and instead ask one of your own, “Hey, you think you can bring some of the leftovers into your office tomorrow? I’d hate to waste all this…”

Colin’s face lights with a maniacal grin, “Barbara’s on a diet...Yeah...this will be perfect!”

You settle onto one of the couches, sandwiched between Guillermo and Nandor. Both vampires look vaguely nauseated as you tuck into your food, but they’re holding it together.

Laszlo stands up with Nadja and starts strumming a guitar as he addresses everyone, “When I first met our human I assumed she’d soon be fertilizing my vulva garden--”

Nadja slaps his arm and Nandor hisses indignantly.

“But! But!” Laszlo continues, bowing with a flourish in your direction. “I came to realize that this particular human was something special. I decided to accept her into the fold. Mostly because she kept Nandor off my back and also my wife threatened to maim my testicles if I ate her…

“So, here we are, human. The last night of your life and we’ve got just one thing to say…”

The couple launches into a screeching, cloying rendition of “(I’ve had) The Time of my Life” from the Dirty Dancing soundtrack (blatantly stolen from Laszlo’s catalogue of compositions). Your face is frozen in horrified laughter and you flick your gaze to Guillermo’s to see that he’s covering his mouth to stifle his own laughs. On your other side, Nandor is clapping along and bobbing his head with the music. Yup, this is your tribe.

The party goes on for another couple hours. Laszlo and Nadja perform several more “hits” before finishing up with “The Girl in the Village with the Very Small Foot.” Nadja’s singing voice is still ringing in your ears when Nandor bends down to whisper, “It’s time, my human.”

The levity of the party has done a lot to calm your nerves, but you can’t help the sudden grip of anxiety around your throat at his words. You look up, falling, once again, into the fathomless depths of his lovely, dark eyes and you think, That’s what this is. You’re going to live in that deep, dark beauty from now on. There’s nothing scary about that. 

You both stand up to leave and say your goodbyes. Laszlo and Colin wish you luck. Guillermo hugs you and presses several quick kisses to your cheeks as Nandor murmurs warningly, “Watch it!”

When he releases you, you’re suddenly engulfed in the arms of a crying Nadja.

“I do love you, you magnificent, ruthless baby!” she sobs. “Nandor, if you fuck this up I’m going to make a hat out of your asshole.”

You laugh into her shoulder and Nandor complains, “Yeesh! Alright, calm down, Nadja!”

By the time you’ve pried yourself from Nadja’s grip you’ve joined her in crying and your face is soaked. Who knew vampires could be so sentimental?

Nandor grimaces in distaste as he brings his hands up to wipe away the tears.

“Ready!?”

---

Nandor’s crypt looks just as it always does. No crepe paper or glitter in sight. Just the warm glow of candles, the rich red and gold accents of the decor, and the solid familiar bulk of the coffin where you’ve spent so many nights wrapped in his protective embrace. He leads you over to the chaise lounge and you both sit, fidgeting nervously and darting shy glances at one another.

Nandor plucks at the fabric of your dress, “This is nice.”

You smile faintly, “Thanks, I--I thought maybe I should dress up for the occasion. Is that stupid? I guess it’ll just get stained…”

“No,” Nandor cuts in, looking earnest and serious. “No, I’ll be careful.”

You nod and fall silent again. The knowledge of what you’re about to do seems to hang like a thick curtain between you. The easy intimacy that you’ve shared is strained with the gravity of what is to come. Nandor finally huffs out an exasperated sigh and pulls you into his lap. At first you think he’s just going to bite the bullet, so to speak, and dig into your neck at once. But instead he grabs your face and pulls you into a searing, all-consuming kiss. 

He tangles his fingers in your hair, pushing his tongue into your mouth with a low groan. You stroke your hands down the long column of his throat, running them across his broad shoulders and down his back. How this man--this perfectly imperfect, wonderfully fragile, fierce warrior man--has come to choose you, you can’t begin to understand. For countless other human souls, catching the eye of Nandor the Relentless has meant grim misfortune. For you, finding yourself the prey of a murderous vampire is the best thing that’s ever happened in your life. 

Except maybe being MVP at last year’s championship bout.

Nandor’s lips fall away and he looks up at you, panting heavily with his hair mussed and tangled. His gaze flicks down to your exposed throat and you see him swallow in anticipation. He reaches for something on an end table and shows you the stainless steel travel mug containing his blood. You take it from him noting the strip of masking tape on the lid with Nandor’s elegant scrawl--his name and the date.

You snort, setting the container down on the cushions beside you and looking back up at Nandor.

“Prepare yourself, my mortal,” he growls, fangs elongating and eyes flashing with a predatory gleam. 

You turn your head, baring your neck for your vampire boyfriend, and answering lightly, “I have a name, you know.”

---

THE END

A/N: Hey, thank you so so so much to everyone who read and supported this fic from the beginning! Your comments and encouragement mean the world to me!

Tags:

@festering-queen, @kandomeresbitch, @strangestdiary, @glitterportrait, @scuzmunkie, @redwoodshadows, @sarasxe, @rileyomalley 

[ahatfullofvampires]

Favorite WWDITS character?

It honestly changes, I love them all in their own way. I love Nandor for being a beautiful warrior idiot, I love Nadja for being an awkward femme fatale (check out Natasia, if you haven't yet, in Stath Lets Flats, it's a gem), I love Colin Robinson for being a pain in the ass, I love Laszlo for his voice and amazing way with words, I love Guillermo for being permanently exhausted and infatuated with Nandor, we all feel him, don't we.

I think the series is a casting masterpiece, where all the actors just fit so incredibly well together, play off each other, you see the chemistry they must have IRL (I knew only Matt Berry before WWDITS and he was a big selling point). The same is true for most supporting characters, great casting, great writing, although I prefer it when they remain a background against which the vampires + Guillermo can shine.

I really, really hope they keep up this level in this and hopefully upcoming seasons.

I adore the movie as well, and my personal favourites list goes Vladislav, Deacon, Petyr, Viago, Nick, Stu. Easier to have clear favourites here, probably also because it's a completed story and we don't get to focus in-depth on any of them.

Who is yours? :)

[what-we-watch-in-the-shadows]

Nandor you beautiful idiot.

[moonmothmama]

we’re well into s2 of what we do in the shadows  (we’ve been kinda binging it) and i’m really wondering how the hell i’m gonna deal with having no more show for like half a year, juheezus. just finished Mark Hamill’s episode tonight and wow. is it me or would Jackie Daytona be the easiest cosplay in the world? all you need is jeans and a toothpick.

thoughts thus far...

NADJA. i fucking love her. she’s got her soul possessing a doll. a haunted doll of herself. god.

i’m at the point where i’m enjoying every character so much it’s almost weird

i can’t believe how much i’ve warmed up to Colin Robinson? i mean from the outset i thought he was funny but i did not expect to like him this much

i love Guillermo. what else is there to say? who would not love him?

Nandor and Laszlo are both so fucking stupid but they’re two different kinds of stupid and it’s beautiful. honestly i adore both of these idiots

Nandor might kill me tho

i asked my bb what he thought about Guillermo & Nandor and his response floored me

the first thing he said was “obviously there’s a lot of sexual tension there”

i mean yeah but i wasn’t expecting it

so much of the humor is in the way they deliver the lines, and these ppl are slaying me they’re so good

things i remember early on that really sold me on the show were “... because i would never relent” and Nadja’s impersonation of a human man: “oof ouch my balls”

also every single face Guillermo made

goes without saying but Mark Hamill fucking destroyed me

i love how Nandor is the oldest in the house and he’s a giant manchild. big goddamn medieval manchild. glorious

Laszlo’s shenanigans are fucking wild

you might even say... batshit

this show gets a lot of Horrible Cackling out of me

i’m definitely rewatching this once we’re finished

[cookinguptales]

curli-question-mark said: This this this I rewatched season 3 recently with my boyfriend and I’ve been picking up on all the little instances of Nandor just like,,, poking around to see what happens, I really hope he opens up a bit next season so we get to see more of his thought process cause?? That man’s been doing some olympic levels of thinking and introspection he just doesn’t talk about it and it’s so subtle and I can’t think about it for more than 5 minutes or I’ll start radiating

-------

I don’t understand how the man can be this introspective and still be such a dumbass. All the vampires make such terrible life choices all the time. Do vampires just not get enough oxygen to their brain anymore? lmao, I digress.

But right, I agree!! He really is so investigatory in s3. He keeps prodding at Guillermo and watching his reactions and watching Guillermo’s interactions with all the other vampires and like... He just goes on these marvelous face journeys in the background of half the scenes he’s in and I don’t know what to make of them!

Nandor is clearly doing The Most behind the scenes, but is telling the audience very little about his actual thought process, at least re: Guillermo. There are so many meaningful looks and little asides that you know something is going on in there! But he’s not telling Guillermo and he’s not telling us! It drives me mad!

*shakes Nandor until the answers come out* just tell us what you want out of all this, you beautiful idiot!