#nearly every change they made big and small were good decisions

[short-serketing]

The people I've seen who're upset that Louis was made a pimp in the Interview With The Vampire TV adaption because they feel it is terribly out of character for our dear, brooding, gentleman vampire are sending me into orbit thanks to the propulsive force of my rolling eyes.

BOOK LOUIS OWNED HUMAN BEINGS AND FORCED THEM TO WORK ON HIS INDIGO PLANTATION, GIRLIES, C'MON

Him being a brothel owner/manager is a change, yes, but the writers are clearly exchanging his canonical participation in one disgusting system of human exploitation (slavery) for another (prostitution).

Some people have likely forgotten things as the book originally came out in 1976 and they may have last read it anywhere from a year to forty seven years ago, and his slave owning ends fairly quickly into the first book, but the point still stands.

[angelofthenight]

“Are We About to Kiss?” Pt.3

(Vance Hopper x gn!Reader)

Part 1 Part 2

Summary: Vance can barely function on your date

Warnings: Tsundere!Vance, Swearing, Flustering, Mutual Flirting, Kissing, This is just super fluffy okay

Word Count: 4.2k

( I just noticed Vance is literally ‘When He Sees Me’ and YN is ‘Never Ever Getting Rid of Me’ )

Requested by: @idk-callmewhatever @luveslasher @b3taaasquad @lanadelraystan @scarlettisconfused @gleamingpinksnake @aaronackerman @viidemoo @nepttune0 @vanceem @theteabush @kinnievan @onlyheretoreadfanficsstuff @brattzslattz

Vance paced his room like a madman in a padded cell, his closet now empty as his small amount of clothes were sprawled all across his floor. He told himself to stop acting like a chick and just pick something to wear but he couldn’t help but overthink every little option.

Of course he wanted to look good for your date but not too good that it made him look like actually cared, despite it already being obvious to you that he does in fact care. But he also didn’t want to look like a slob! He kicked through his pile of jeans that all looked the same… but they were slightly different shades and some were more rugged than the others!

His mom ironed a few pairs of his jeans which made his decisions harder. Would it be obvious to you that they were ironed? Would you think he ironed his jeans just for this stupid little date? He could perfectly picture your smug grin as you would ask him, “did you iron your jeans just for the movies?” He would probably strangle you out of embarrassment.

He looked over to the pile of his shirts. Should he wear a t-shirt or a muscle shirt to display his biceps to you? He wore muscle shirts practically every day though, so would the change to a t-shirt be obvious to you?! He hated t-shirts, he felt like a priss in them… but they did look nicer… what color would he even wear?! Should he be sneaky and wear your favorite color? Or would you catch on to that? Would it make him a creep that he even knows your favorite color?

Vance growled to himself and ran a hand through his curls. ‘It’s just the movies, we’re gonna be sitting in a dark room anyway.’ He lectured to himself about his paranoid, mad worries. His muscles physically tensed and his blue eyes widened in shape. It’d be just you and him, alone, sitting right next to each other, in the dark. The realization made his mind do flips, face reddening in heat. His hands clapped over his face to rub the heat out, grumbling swear words under his breath.

Through his fingers he noticed the arms of the clock on his wall inch closer and closer to the time you were supposed to meet up at the movies. Which led to a new stress: should he be early, on time, or fashionably late? Did he want to get there before or after you? Would he look desperate if he was early? Would he look like a time freak if he was exactly on time? Would it be cool if he came late so it looked like he didn’t care that much or would you think lowly of him?

God, he absolutely despised you for making him fall apart like this, for making him feel so weak, for making his insides feel like slush, for making his pulse absolutely freak out, for making the veins in his face feel like lava. He cursed this all in your name as he sat on the bench outside the theater a few minutes after the designated time. His arms tightly crossed over his chest to hide his sweat stains from the nerves, his legs manspreading in his ironed jeans as one of his legs vaguely bounced.

He kept checking the time every other second, his jitters getting worse and he nearly considered running out on cold feet. You were late. It was ten minutes past the meeting time and the credits were going to start very soon. Was this all in a jest? Was all your constant flirting and advances just one big joke about him? He was such an idiot to fall for it all, to actually believe that the specimen of his dreams truly liked him in that way; that you even thought of him in that way at all. That you-

“Hey, Vance!” You shouted as you sped walked over to where he was sitting, visibly out of breath. Once you reached him and smiled bright down at him, Vance blinked as his doubt and self-insecurity released him. You came. You were serious about the date. His eyebrows snapped together all of a sudden, “Did you fall in your toilet or something? The fuck took you so long?”

You chuckled bashfully, lacing your fingers together. “Sorry, I couldn’t decide what to wear.” You admitted with an embarrassed flush threatening to crawl up your neck.

Vance bit the inside of his cheek and faked a scoff and forced an eye roll. “That’s the stupidest shit I’ve ever heard. It’s just the movies, you’re not getting your picture taken for the paper.” He hissed his self-projection, mentally noting that he still needs to shove the scattered piles of clothes on his floor back into his closet.

“It took forever to get you on this date, might as well make it worth your while.” You remarked with a flirtatious grin sharpening your lips and mischievous eyes that made you look like you were going to eat him alive, which was exactly what he feared; because he knows that you could. You verbally ushered him to his feet as you started toward the ticket stand. Vance scrambled to his feet, nearly tripping over them, to follow after you like a clingy cat.

He tightly crossed his arms as he stood beside you while you paid for the tickets at the stand. You thanked the unenthusiastic worker before leading Vance through the doors, the thunder rumbling behind the approaching gray clouds in the sky making Vance slightly gulp as he walked towards his doom.

The two of you had no trouble getting concessions and finding your seats, and you just couldn’t fight off the wide, giddy smile plastered across your face and excitement bubbling in your stomach. Not for the movie, though, of course. In fact, although you’d never speak it aloud, you couldn’t care less for this Mad Max movie. What you were truly looking forward to was getting to sit right next to Vance in this dark room and tease and torment him to watch him unravel over and over again into a blushing mess.

Hm, maybe you were evil.

Vance glanced over to your fixated gaze and his brows scrunched together while he avoided your eyes. “Stop looking at me like that. We’re in public, creep.” Your eyebrows copied his as you quickly glanced around the theater consisting of only three small groups: a small family in the back, a mother and her two sons a few rows to your right, and two middle aged men more near the front row. You didn’t even think the other groups registered your existence. You amusedly rolled your eyes at Vance’s embarrassment.

The theater screen was still blank so the two of you were stuck sitting in silence. Well, it would be silent if Vance wasn’t crunching up popcorn in his open mouth. You slowly turned your head to him with a glare sharpening your eyes. You parted your lips, trying not to make a comment on how he’s already diving into the popcorn before the credits even started and how he should chew with his mouth closed.

In the state of disgust you even caught yourself wondering, this was the guy you were attracted to? You were even about to question what you exactly saw in him but your eyes then landed on how his prettily structured nose wiggled just the slightest as he ate. Your pupils traveled up the bridge of his nose to his eyes. Did his eyes invent a new shade of blue? Because you swore you've never seen that shade before, you’d remember such a pretty shade. But maybe the shade was only pretty because it was in his iris’.

You looked higher till you got to the roots of his hair and traveled down his blond curls. God, his blue eyes and blond hair combination really did make you wonder why you wouldn’t be attracted to him. He physically kind of reminded you of a male version of Cinderella. He really was a pretty guy, probably would be even prettier if he didn’t have the attitude of a hissing wild cat refusing to be pet.

You realized you had been studying his face like it was the first time you were ever seeing it, and the crazy thing was… staring at him made you a little flustered. So flustered you had to force yourself to look away as you felt heat swarm within the apples of your cheeks and your stomach get a little queasy, a feeling you hated to call butterflies.

The second you looked away is when Vance slowly glanced over to you. Both of you not knowing the other was admiring their faces. He nearly sighed at the sight of your pink tinted cheeks, it was as if they were actually glowing. Was that even possible? His enchanted eyes got distracted when you fleetingly bit your bottom lip, his attention now on your mouth. Your teeth had noticeably left your pink lip a shade darker.

Vance pursed his own lips together as he stared at your mouth, trying his hardest to not imagine how your lips would feel against his own… or even taste. Nope, that thought was too overwhelming as he thrashed his gaze off your pretty lips and they landed on your hair. Your… hair.

“You got a haircut.” He subconsciously stated aloud. You hummed as your confused response, looking over to your date. You remembered the haircut you got the same day Vance asked you out. You touched your ends a little. “Oh, I mean, barely. It was just a trim.” You let go of your hair. “Can’t believe you noticed.”

Vance’s eyes widened and he whipped his head away from you. “Don’t get your fuckin’ diaper in a twist over it.” He barked before shoving a handful of popcorn in his mouth. You smiled at his reaction. “No, I meant thanks for noticing.” You said, a soft fondness resting in your eyes.

Vance grumbled out a tight scoff through his scowling frown. “Whatever…” he paused and your eyebrows slightly raised in anticipation. “Clown cunt.” He finally added which made your smile widen as you sat back in your seat. “There it is.”

The opening credits finally started playing as you verbally stated your opinion on each short movie trailer and whether or not you were going to see it. Vance told you to shut up each time followed by a degrading name that sometimes made your jaw physically drop. You’d rather change your name to ‘Clown Cunt’ than be called a “maggot eating carcass” again.

You swore sometimes that he had a little notebook where he would take hours to think of and write the most creative, insulting names to call you. Yet you’d rather focus on the image of him even owning a little notebook made just for you. Little did you know that Vance would laugh at all the things you said at home, in privacy where he didn’t have to suck in his smile.

When the movie started you both went peacefully silent, focusing on the movie and the introduction of all the characters. You and Vance were all settled in and comfortable when it got to a part where a long conversation between two of the characters began to grow boring to him and when he glimpsed over to you he noticed you were getting bored too. Vance’s heart rate started to pick up over an idea that popped into his head. Would you make a big deal out of it? Would you obnoxiously point it out with that shit eating grin of yours? He tested the waters of your awareness by doing a high elbow stretch. You didn’t seem to care enough to glance at him.

What would happen if he just…

He quietly faked a yawn and pulled out another arm stretch above his head. He glanced over to you to make sure you were still distracted before he slowly brought his arms back down, one arm on the head of the empty seat next to him and the other on the back of your chair. He did it! He actually did it!

You felt Vance’s flexed arm rest on the head of your chair and you were pleasantly very surprised he made such a slick move like that. Your lips widened to a soft smirk as you glanced down at his legs that were spread far apart, one of them invading your personal space. You had a flirty idea for a move a while ago during one of the car chase scenes but you didn’t want to ruin his clear enjoyment of the high tension action scene or distract him from it. Plus you were scared he would literally grab your leg and snap it in half if you disturbed the scene.

But if Vance was going to make such a bold move, then you were too. So you crossed your legs and used your top calf to gently nudge and rub against Vance’s knee, just a harmless little tease.

Vance did not find it harmless.

His shoulders visibly tensed upwards and he sucked in an audible breath. He reacted like someone shot him. Even in the dark room you saw how badly his face flushed red like a sunburn. He snapped his seemingly furious stare at you and thrashed his leg away from you, as well as retreating his arm. “Keep it in your pants, you twat” he grumbled. You wheezed out a chuckle at his reception as scrambled into the empty seat next to him, leaving an open chair between the two of you.

You moved into that chair to be next to him again but as soon as your bottom was seated Vance moved down another seat… as did you. This went on throughout the whole line of seats until Vance reached the very last chair and he would have to stand up and move up or down to a different row. He groaned in defeat as you plopped down beside him, humored grin intact. “I promise I don’t have cooties, Vance.”

“You sure? It’d explain your face.” He replied snarkily as he tightly crossed his arms once again. You tilted your head so you could get a better view of his face as you put on a mischievous smile. “Are you saying I’m ugly, Vance? Is that why you can barely look at me? ‘Cause I’m just sooooo horrid to even look at?” You teased.

Vance looked right at you, glare and furrowed brows and all. “No but it’s why I wouldn’t share a drink with you.” You dramatically gaped at him and made a theatrical offended face. “You’re so mean to me, Vancy Poo~” You pouted with another tease.

Vance’s eyes embiggened and his upper lip formed a snarl, his blushing nose and ears completely ruining the threatening facade. He jabbed your shoulder with a mild punch to make you sit back into your seat. “Don’t fucking call me that unless you want me to shove your head down the toilet. And I’m not that fucking mean. I’m just honest.” He shoved his fist back under his bicep like a spoiled child. “Now shut up so we can get this movie date over with and I can go home.”

You playfully but annoyedly rolled your eyes as you rubbed your stinging shoulder, noting that he punched less harder than he usually would. “It’s not even close to midnight yet, Cinderella.” You mumbled loud enough for him to hear. Vance’s hand flew out again to smack the same shoulder with hardened knuckles, making you gasp in a wince again. “Don’t call me a princess either, you fuck.”

“Why not?” You said through your wince, still rubbing your poor abused shoulder. You looked over to Vance and teasingly smirked with coquettish eyes as you leaned against the armchair closest to him. “Oh because that would make me Prince Charming? I’d say the roles suit us perfectly.” Vance scoffed and looked back at you with a raised cynical brow. “You calling yourself ‘charming’?” He teased back. You smiled foxily and shrugged. “If the shoe fits.”

“You also saying I’m gonna turn into a shit-scrubbing peasant at midnight?” He questioned with the smallest smile creeping up onto his lips at your banter. You shrugged again, “If the shoe fits.” Vance hid his snigger in his throat. “And you call me mean?”

“Hey, calling you a princess is the nicest thing I’ve ever said about anyone.” You defended. “Cinderella only got to be a princess after she married Prince Cuntwad.” Vance corrected with a snarky matter-of-fact tone.

You barely even registered how close both of your faces were together, matching teasing smirks and impish foggy eyes, creating your very own atmosphere. “Hey Vance?” You spoke. “What.” You shifted in your seat to lean more into the armchair, keeping your eyes locked. “Are we about to kiss right now?”

Vance didn’t redden or glare or resort to violence, he just held his smirk and eye contact. “Shut up.” He mumbled, your lips merely inches apart. It was like there was a telepathic mutual agreement as you both leaned closer at the same time, your lips finding each other and clicking together perfectly like two puzzle pieces. You barely even got to feel the heat off his lips or taste the hint of soda past them before Vance abruptly peeled his lips off yours, your head slightly falling forward when he did so.

Your eyes shot open with pure, raw confusion after the literal two second perfect kiss in that perfect moment and caught the sight of Vance running down the stairs of the theater. You practically threw yourself out of your seat and ran down the steps after the blond-haired boy wearing a baby blue muscle shirt and navy blue jeans, him occasionally glimpsing over his shoulder like he was trying to escape you.

You swore you’ve seen this in a movie once.

Vance rushed out the doors into the empty theater lobby with you hot on his trail and calling out his name. “Vance! Vance, wait!” You yelled and he finally stopped, allowing you to catch up to him but leaving about a meter of space between you. You took a few seconds to catch your breath when Vance turned to your flabbergasted expression. “What happened?” You asked in complete dumbfounded bewilderment with your arms slightly out.

Vance’s jawline tightened alongside his fists. He let out some sort of vicious growl as he thrashed his fists down in the air. He pointed an accusing finger at you, his nose scrunched and nostrils flared as he bared his teeth. “You, you bitch! I can’t fucking do this anymore! It’s just, urgh! It’s just getting way too fucking much!” He spat out like a bellicose brute.

You frowned. You were beginning to assume your advances had turned annoying and harassing to him. “Vance…” you started sadly while rubbing your wrist in shame, “if you want me to stop, I will. Just say the word and I’ll leave you alone from here on out. And I’m sorry for everything I did-” Vance cut you off loudly. “What? No! Don’t turn yourself into the fucking victim, you dickhole!”

You blinked at him, now even more confused. “Well… then what’s wrong? I thought everything was going really well back there?” You asked softly with your cute little frown making Vance even more heated. “I know! That’s the fucking point, you stupid little clown cunt!” He snapped viciously, he had never sounded more audibly rogue with you.

He began pacing a short distance in front of you while he was going berserk. “God I hate you so much! I hate how you make me feel! You make me feel like a weak little sap! I feel like I can barely stand around you!” He looked over to you then hastily looked away with a growl. “I can’t even, fuck, I can’t even keep eye contact with you! Especially with how you look at me!”

He continued to complain and pace. “I hate that you make me feel pathetic and stupid! I feel like I have no dignity when I’m even near you!” He finally halted his movements. “I-I like you, alright?!”

Your amusement formed a smile. “Vance, I know.” You said, wondering if he honestly thought you still didn’t know even though that was the sole reason why you felt confident enough in pursuing him in the first place. “I know!” Vance snapped again. “And I hate that you know! I can’t fucking hide behind a secret anymore, goddamnit! And with what you make me feel, I can’t even try to be in denial! Do you even know how long it took me to decide what to wear to this stupid fucking date! Did you even notice I’m wearing ironed fucking jeans for you?!”

Vance growled out again with a homicidal-like scowl in his face and raised his curled fingers like he was getting ready to strangle you. “I hate you so fucking much! Stop giving me those eyes! You always know exactly what you’re doing, you fucking shithole bitch!”

You laughed aloud over how he was acting before slamming a hand over your mouth to cut it short. He was so dramatic. “Vance, that’s just how crushes feel. Everyone gets those weak feelings, even me. It’s completely normal and common.” You explained with a fond smile nestled in your lips. “No, it’s bad with me! You don’t get it!” Vance argued.

You laughed again at him, choosing to not be cruel and tease him about how he basically admitted that he has it bad for you. “Meow.” You chuckled out, pretending your hand was a cat clawed paw. He truly was a pussycat. “You’re such a dramatic baby.” You said as you took the steps needed to get closer to him as he huffed down at you. “Don’t forget that technically you made the first move when you went out of your entire way to find me and give me the drink I dropped when you tried to kill me.”

Vance slightly rolled his eyes and pressed his tongue against the inside of his cheek. “Yeah, I guess I did.” He murmured. Your smile enlarged with genuine infatuation. “So just… let your guard down for me. Face your fear.” You stepped closer so that you were toe to toe.

“I’m not scared of you.” Vance defended with an annoyed glare, that redness you always work towards blooming into his cheeks. “And I’ll fucking prove it.” He added before aggressively grabbing your head and dipping his lips down into yours. And just like Cinderella reuniting with her glass slipper, you and Vance’s lips were a perfect fit. You hummed happily into the kiss, one hand gently resting on one of his wrists and your other hand gently resting on his toned bicep. Your hand softly squeezed his bicep when Vance’s lips parted to overlap with yours from a different angle.

Getting caught up in the moment, your hand on his wrist moved to his other bicep while your other hand glided upwards. Your hand slowly moved up his neck to nestle your fingers into his curls by the roots. Vance hummed and pulled away from the kiss, snatching your wrist that was nearly buried in his hair.

“Don’t do that!” He barked with rosy hued cheeks that basically told you that did in fact like it. Vance didn’t bother to continue to argue or deny his weak feelings as he sloppily pushed your hand back in his hair to pounce his lips back into yours again, except this time with one hand around your waist and the other at the back of your head.

The sweet tasting kiss lasted only a couple more seconds before Vance parted again, still leaving mere centimeters between your mouths. You almost wanted to snap at him to stop talking.

“Don’t make a big deal out of this.” Vance grumbled with a fiery glare. You rolled your eyes. “I can try… Pussycat.”

“Clown Cunt.”

“Princess.”

“Shut up.”

You both pulled the other closer to reunite your lips to melt into each other, a moment you’ve both been waiting oh so long for. And Vance thanked the world for your clumsiness as it was the thing that finally brought you back into his life when you messed up his pinball score.

He just hoped he would get used to these weakening feelings.

[daisynik7]

“How Do I Breathe” by Mario for Eren Yeager - Angst

How Do I Breathe

Pairing: Eren Jaeger x reader (gender-neutral)

Word Count: ~0.9k

cw: angst, mentions of anxiety, depression, and panic attacks, established relationship, hurt/comfort, modern day setting

Summary: Eren makes a big decision to move overseas to Marley for a new job, away from all his friends, his family, and worst of all, you. He realizes the hard way that this might have not been the best decision for him. 

Author’s Notes: Thanks for the request for the y2k karaoke party, anon! This song is sad, perfect for some Eren angst! I dug deep for this, pulling from some personal experience I had with my partner not too long ago. Hope you like it! Likes, reblogs, and/comments are always appreciated, thank you for reading!

Eren stares up the ceiling, lying in the bed of his tiny studio apartment. The faucet drips slowly; he must’ve not shut it off all the way, causing it to leak. Every now and again, police sirens blare past, fading in the distance to whatever routine crime is happening a couple blocks down. By two in the morning, college kids return from their late-night parties, slurring their words loudly in the hallway, slamming their doors shut without any care for their neighbors. It doesn’t matter though; regardless of the surrounding commotion, Eren can’t sleep. 

It takes him one month to realize the vast differences between Marley and Paradis. It’s one thing to read about it in books or magazines, it’s another to experience it personally. Here, everything moves in fast forward, constantly in motion, no time to stop and smell the roses. Sometimes, he doesn’t have time to think, always pressured to make a rash decision. Work is the same; people always on the go, hasty to make deadlines. It’s even worse because it’s dog-eat-dog, no sense of teamwork or community, everyone trying to compete with each other for that raise or promotion. 

Life on Paradis was simple. Small towns, tight knit communities, the type of place where everyone knows everyone and you were never alone. Eren spent nearly his entire childhood glamorizing the world beyond the sea. He stayed in Paradis throughout college and when a job opportunity came to relocate to Marley, he didn’t hesitate to take it. When he made that decision, you were nervous about doing long-distance. “It’s only an hour away by plane, two hours by boat!” he claimed, excited. How could you deny him of this? The dream he had since he was a little kid? So, despite your concerns about it, you agreed to stay together. 

Two months in, you start noticing changes in his demeanor. His voice on the phone becomes more docile. His face during video chats looks tired, dark circles under his eyes, gauntness in his cheeks, as if he hasn’t been sleeping well. No matter how hard you try to pry it out of him, he’ll never admit that he’s starting to feel depressed, desperate to cling onto this dream of his. A dream that has gradually turned into a nightmare. 

Four months in, unable to sleep, mind racing, he grabs his phone, dialing your number, praying that you answer. The air is thick, making it difficult to breath, throat tight and chest heavy. After three rings, you pick up, your voice concerned. “Eren? Are you okay?”

Tears stream down his face, breathing labored, barely able to talk. “No, I’m not,” he manages to say.

You sit up in your bed, fully awake now, giving him your full attention. “Sweetie, breathe, okay? Just breathe for me.”

He sniffles, choking on his spit, trying his best to calm down. His fingertips are tingling now, body cold and rigid, heart racing wildly. He’s convinced he’s about to die, here in this dinky apartment. Alone.

“Eren, breathe with me. Please. Listen to me and do it with me, okay?” You inhale deeply through your nose, exhale slowly out your mouth, loud enough for him to hear. It takes him a bit to collect himself, but when he does, he copies you, pausing only a few times to wipe his face on his blanket. 

“Good job, baby. You’re doing great,” you encourage him, listening to him carefully.                      

It continues like this for several minutes, until his breathing returns to a normal pace. Eventually, he murmurs, “I can’t do it anymore.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t want to be here anymore. Away from family. My friends. You.” He swallows hard, sinking into pillows. “I’m miserable. It’s nothing like what I imagined.”

Your heart sinks, tempted to say whatever you can to bring him back, bring him home. But you don’t. Instead, you say, “Give it more time. You can make friends there.”

He snorts. “The people here don’t want friends. They want allies. People they can use. You know how much I hate that.”

You remain silent, listening to him, unsure what else to say. 

He continues, breathing normally now. “I thought this is what I wanted. To be free, to explore my horizons, all that cliché bullshit. I thought the other side of the sea would bring me joy. But here, I’m so lonely. I miss you so much.” He pauses for a beat, eventually adding, “This place sucks.”

You laugh at his crassness, tears welling in your eyes. “I miss you too, Eren. It’s lonely without you here. It doesn’t feel like home anymore.”

He smiles into the phone, warmth returning to his body, wishing he was with you. Wishing he could hug you and kiss you and cuddle with you until he falls asleep peacefully in your arms. “I’m sorry for being a selfish idiot. I should have never left.”

“You’re not a selfish idiot,” you assure him. “It’s good that you tried it out. And who knows, maybe in another universe, you would have really loved Marley.”

He scoffs, rolling his eyes at the ridiculous idea. “I think in all possible universes, I would still hate Marley.”

You giggle, glad to hear him back to his normal self. 

Six months after his move to Marley, Eren returns home, safe and sound. 

[milliesfishes]

millie i’m gonna need you to write something about the vasectomy i beg

⋆౨ৎ𝓢𝔀𝓮𝓮𝓽 𝓝𝓸𝓽𝓱𝓲𝓷𝓰𝓼⋆౨ৎ

[fem reader] contains: pregnancy scare, sexual references pairing: alex nilsen x fem reader summary: you and alex have a scare that causes a big decision author’s note: first alex fic rahhhh! this is based on something that happened in the book but it's millie's version :) Pinterest Board Spotify Playlist

You were late.

Not late in a fun way, like at parties or the last hours of the night. The thing that was late was a certain womanly bleeding between your legs, one you dreaded but needed at the same time. It was a smoke signal, a universal thumbs up that you wouldn't have to worry about a life changing thing for the next thirty days.

Fish curled around your legs as you stared at your calendar, pen shaking above the day marked in black with a single sad face, the day that passed over a week ago. It seemed to taunt you, and you longed for the innocence you'd had when you drew it. Alex used a physical calendar because he claimed he could remember things written there better than on his phone, and you'd adopted the habit as well when it was proven correct.

Your pen clattered to the tabletop as your hand flew to cover your mouth, the realization really hitting you then like a freight train. Your monthly was famously on time, and you always said that it was the only part of you that was. In the past year you'd adopted the habit of going to sleep with a pad in the night before it was set to come, to save several pairs of pajama bottoms.

This week, however, had been a blizzard of work, and there had been a small family crisis that hadn't warranted your flight home, but had kept you on the phone quite a bit, hanging onto text updates. You hadn't even thought about your period since the last one ended.

But now its absence was glaring at you, pointing a finger with a single dreadful word you didn't even dare think yet.

A shaky breath escaped you, and you buried your face in your hands, tears bubbling up and spilling from your eyes. This was all wrong, all so, so wrong. You and Alex had always been careful, or you thought you'd been. One thing you were in agreement on was that you didn't want kids. At least not right now.

It wasn't a money issue. Well, it wasn't not a money issue, but it was more that you wanted to be steady. Your jobs were both secure, lives locked down, love for each other confirmed, but you wanted to enjoy it all. To be young and in love and as stable as the two of you were was a rare thing. Alex had bought a house for goodness' sakes, his grandmother's, but an independent living space nonetheless.

Besides, you loved your life as it was now. To work at a job you enjoyed that made a more than decent living and come home every night to your cat and the love of your life all handsome and happy was everything you'd dreamt of.

And it was all about to be upset if your fears were proven correct. All because of a stupid, undetectable mistake you weren't even aware you were making.

The keys clinked against the doorknob, a telltale sign, and you stood abruptly, staring at the door as it swung open. Alex appeared in its line, the sun lighting his silhouette like a halo. He looked tired, but a smile appeared the second he saw you standing there. With one hand, he firmly shut the door, slipping his shoes off and starting to remove his jacket. Fish padded over to greet him, his black tail bent at the tip. Alex gave him a series of gentle pets before looking up at you with a boyish grin. "Hi baby."

You were frozen in place, new worries overtaking you. How would he react to this? Alex set his bag down and made his way over to you, sliding his arms around your waist and burying his nose in your hair. "How are you?"

"Fine." Your voice nearly broke, but you kept it together, hiding your face in his chest. He always smelled clean and fresh, like laundry, even after a long day dealing with hormonal teenagers. "How was your day?"

"Long." He kissed the top of your head. "Glad it's the weekend. Glad to be back here with you." Alex pulled back, but his smile dropped when he saw your face. Apparently it had fallen back into revealing the nature of your thoughts during its time in his chest. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing!" You forced your mouth to turn back up, but the way he was looking at you caused it to plummet right back to the depths. The tears you'd thought you swallowed stung your eyes again, and a pathetic little noise worked its way out of your mouth.

"Oh, baby-" Alex pulled you back in, and you began to sniffle, a little sob shaking your shoulders. He managed to lead you back over to your chair, where he sat and pulled you across his thighs. You hid your face in his chest still, humiliated by the fact that you hadn't been able to hide it for more than a few minutes after seeing him.

He rubbed your back, letting his lips fall to your forehead. There was a calm front that you knew would be disrupted the second you told him. Alex was steady and unmoving with your troubles, but this was different. "Did something happen?"

You sniffed, nodding and pulling back to look up at him, searching his eyes. "I...I..."

"Slow down, shh." Alex smoothed your hair behind your back. "Deep breaths, sweetheart. Don't work yourself up." His thumb found your cheek, stroking back and forth, effectively soothing you. "Whatever it is we can figure it out."

Taking a deep, unsteady breath, you searched his eyes, voice breaking every other word. "I'm...I'm...late."

"Late?" Alex frowned, confused, but then he noticed your calendar. The black sad face looming like a homing beacon. You swore he went pale. "Oh."

Squeezing your eyes shut, you bowed your head. "I'm so scared-"

Alex pulled you back in, cradling your head to his shoulder. He must have been hiding his own shock, as was his way. That was how he always was- comforting you first, composing himself.

When he pulled back, he was all soft words and gentle touches, tucking your hair behind your ears and drying every tear that dripped from your eyes. "Okay. Okay, here's what we're going to do." He was shockingly calm, ever your rock in the storm. "I'm gonna go to the drugstore and get a few tests. You're going to stay here-" Alex shifted you off his lap and stood, opening the fridge and pulling out a can of lime-flavored sparkling water, one of your favorites. "-and drink this. Okay?"

You nodded, taking the can from him after he popped it open. "Okay." The voice that passed your lips hardly sounded like your own, it was so tiny.

He kissed your forehead, holding his hand to your cheek for a second longer than maybe he usually would have. "I'll be back soon, alright? It's gonna be okay."

After he left, your mind was blank except for those four words.

It's gonna be okay.

Negative.

Every test you'd taken came back with one line. Alex had waited dutifully outside the bathroom while you relieved yourself on each stick, leaving them on a towel on the counter. He set the timer on his phone, and then the waiting game had been afoot.

He held you through it, rubbing your back and taking deep breaths that encouraged your own. All you could think to do was cling to him and pray.

When the timer had chimed, you felt like you were walking to your doom. Alex stood behind you, and you could feel him holding his breath.

The first thing you did when you saw the matching results on each test was turn around and cry into his chest. His hold on you was tight, and you felt every anxiety from before fly from your shoulders. It was okay. It was all okay.

No words passed between the two of you. Not about what had happened. Alex swept the tests into the trash can, tossing the towel into the laundry basket and asking if you'd be okay for a few more minutes while he went to get dinner. Everything was a haze as you nodded, and he left you bundled in a fluffy blanket on the couch, double-checking that you were okay before he left again.

You passed out, exhausted from the emotions that had been running rampant in your mind for the past little bit. It was an enormous jump from fear to relief, and your body was limply feeling the effects.

It hardly felt like five minutes had passed before you awoke to his fingers in your hair, gently stroking. You leaned into his touch, shifting your feet and feeling something warm and furry beside them. Fish.

Opening your eyes, you blinked sleepily at him, and he gave you a tired half smile. "Hey. You hungry?"

Sitting up, you yawned lightly, nodding as a response. Alex's hand found yours, twining your fingers together. "I got you a salad from that place you like. And a smoothie."

"Thank you." You leaned forward, pecking him on the lips. "That sounds wonderful."

"I'll bring it to you." He was standing up before you could protest, and then Fish crawled half onto your lap, rendering you immobile.

Once Alex returned, he let you settle into his side while you ate, balancing your salad on one thigh and his on the other. It was quiet, but you didn't mind at all, taking the time to reign in your thoughts.

Setting his and your empty bowls on the coffee table, Alex lifted both his feet onto the couch, parting his legs and reaching for you, as if he was reading your mind. You crawled into him, head against his chest, and he tugged the blanket over the two of you. Fish walked over your back, laying slouched between your side and the couch back, right on Alex's arm. He grunted, shifting so he could still hold you but accommodate the cat.

You rested your ear over his heart, the steadiness of its beat soothing your unsteadiness. Alex always managed to still whatever typhoons were raging within you.

He thumbed your hairline, and Fish started purring, vibrating against both of you. When he spoke, it was in a whisper. "Can we talk about it?"

Nodding, you lifted your head, disarmed by his expression like always. He was serious yet tender, unyielding but gentle. You whispered, "That was really scary."

"It was." Alex's hand on your lower back was drawing soft circles through the blanket. "You were so brave."

You shook your head. "No. You were strong and I was a mess. I..." you trailed off for a moment, the words fleeing your mouth before you could regulate them. "Taking the tests...it really made me realize that I'm not ready for that. I...it was terrifying."

"Yeah," he murmured, hand tracing parallel lines up your spine now. You could practically hear him thinking but couldn't deign to guess what he was about to say. Alex inhaled once through his nose. "What would you think if...if I got a vasectomy?"

Eyebrows shooting up, your eyes went as round as saucers. Fish's purring halted for a minute before starting up again. You shifted on his chest to look at him better. "A vasectomy?"

"I was thinking about it for the entirety of both car rides," he explained, petting your hair now. "To the drugstore and to get food. It's something I've considered before but I never really thought about it seriously until now."

You were still searching his eyes, perplexed as to why he'd jumped there of all places. Maybe later you would have suggested better protection, but never would you have asked this of him. It wouldn't even be something you'd have thought of on your own.

Alex cupped your cheek in his hand, and you leaned into it. His eyes didn't leave yours, making sure you were looking at him too. "Seeing you so worried...I never want you to feel that way again. And the procedure's reversable. We can do other things beforehand just in case it doesn't turn out to be. But..." he pursed his lips for a millisecond, letting out a breath. "If you ever take a pregnancy test again, I want you to be excited. Not scared."

Now your eyes were welling up again for an entirely different reason than earlier. You nodded, hand finding his on your face and squeezing. "Okay."

"Yeah?" Alex turned his hand around and brought yours to his lips. "You'll let me do this for you?"

"Yeah," you whispered, and he smiled, kissing your forehead and adjusting the blanket. Fish purred contently, rolling over onto his back, paws stretched out like he was reaching for the moon.

You kept your eyes open, content as could be. Alex lazily trailed his hand up and down your spine, and after a moment, he murmured, "We're going to save a fortune on condoms, baby."

A laugh passed your lips, and you hid your face in his chest, pressing your lips to his heart.

"I guess we will."

[angelisgonnastartchangingurls]

julia, on a wednesday

the following weekend, julia spent time at a beach house with jim's family. seeing pictures on instagram, annie immediately understood why julia had grown the landing strip. she had a small white bikini on in every photo, and in the ones where it was wet, the landing strip was extremely visible.

annie texted her to ask how it went over. "i'm very popular with his dad and brother now," she replied. "his mom doesn't really look at me. but she also walked in on jim fucking me."

robbie was home again that weekend, and so annie was at ted's, fucking him every few hours, getting stoned with lucy, and sending nudes to robbie, and to julia, and to jim. she's started doing this on a thread with julia, but now frequently sent jim her own pics, and he replied with pictures of his cock in julia and his cum on her skin. annie loved being horny about jim with julia. "i love your fiance's cock," she would text her.

jim let her know that his brother had sent him a kind of horny text about being able to see julia's landing strip through her bikini, and annie had encouraged him to send his brother a picture of julia naked. his brother had reciprocated with a picture of his wife.

"it's fucking crazy," jim said. "i've known this woman for a decade, she is the mother of my niece and nephew, and how i know what her tits and bush look like."

"amazing," annie replied. "you're welcome."

when julia returned, she and annie began shopping for the wedding. dress shopping was so fun. the women plied you with champagne, and when they picked up on annie and julia's flirty energy, often joined right in. particularly claire, a sales clerk in her mid-20s who annie sensed was in this job for the joy of it and not the money. as they chatted annie learned that claire was an aspiring event-planner.

julia was changing into dresses right in front of them, in a thong and lace bra, and when annie expressed interest in trying on a dress, claire encouraged her to, so she also stripped to her white panties and pink bra. when claire mentioned that one dress was the one she'd pick, annie begged her to try it on. she tried not to look too hungrily at claire as she slipped out of her black dress. her trimmed pubic hair stuck out a bit around her thong and her very light, nearly invisible nipples poked out a bit from the top of her bra.

"you're so fucking hot," annie told her.

annie had slipped her her number as they left, no decisions yet made. claire texted her an hour later as she and julia were getting early afternoon drinks.

"i don't normally eat pussy but do you want to get together so i can eat your pussy?" claire had texted. "i have a boyfriend so you know, hush hush."

"yes please," annie had replied.

she met claire at her apartment an hour later. the girl seemed nervous but eager. robbie was out, so they went straight to the bed, and claire let annie undress her.

they fucked for three hours -- sweaty, wild, energetic. they kissed and touched and grinded and licked and spit and gasped. annie loved claire's body -- she was tall and thin, like annie, with similarly big breasts and pale skin. the hair on her head was shorter and her pussy was hairier but those were the main differences.

"that was the best fuck of my life," claire told annie in the shower after.

"me too," annie said.

she met ted for dinner that night, and then couldn't manage to cum on his cock after. she faked an orgasm anyway. when she was done, she texted claire.

"i just fucked my boyfriend and it was so boring," she said.

"ditto," claire replied. "i think you made me fucking gay."

a long, hard morning fuck with ted helped annie feel her heterosexuality again. he put his thumb up her ass and she screamed his name so many times her throat hurt. when he came in her mouth, it was soothing to swallow it. ted wandered out to the kitchen after with his dick out, saying good morning to lucy on his way to the bathroom.

her first patient of the morning on thursday was marie, a bored housewife that annie was trying to get interested in hobbies outside of her home. she seemed to feel obligated to do nothing but chores and was collapsing inward. every week annie noticed it felt like less of her personality was coming through.

"marie," annie asked. "do you ever... masturbate?"

marie looked a little taken aback. "what kind of question is that?"

"i just think maybe it would be good for you to relax a little," annie said. "and that's one way I do it."

"i don't need to know that about you," marie said.

"it's OK," annie said. "it's normal, real life stuff."

"i was raised to not to do that," marie said.

"really?"

"self-pleasure is a sin. my father told me."

"well, i was not raised religiously," annie said. "my parents thought it was a good way to keep me from having premarital sex."

"did it work?" marie asked. "you're not married."

annie laughed. "no, it didn't work. i have a lot of premartial sex."

marie grinned despite herself. "i mean, i did too. with my now husband."

"you little sinner, you," annie said. "i know it sounds strange to get a presecription like this... but seriously. try touching yourself."

"i am genuinely not sure i know how."

annie laughed. "just feel around until something feels good, and then keep doing that."

marie said she would try.

after the session, annie checked her phone. she had a message from claire, a picture of herself masturbating.

that night jim texted annie that he and his brother had exchanged more photos - jim had sent him one of julia's spread pussy and he'd sent a similar one of his wife. his brother had asked if julia ever shaved and jim had sent a few shaved pussy pics, and his brother had sent him a video of his wife in the shower, shaving her pussy and touching herself for him as he filmed.

[etrosgate]

the nonary games port of 999 is worse than you think

it's fine if you play the port, or even prefer it. but i'd like you to know what you're getting into.

9 hours 9 persons 9 doors for the nintendo ds is a masterpiece of a game, with wonderfully snappy dialogue and a quickly paced narrative that avoids many traps of visual novel writing (such as being overly obvious and repetitive) with a ludonarrative cohesion that makes SO many of its aspects initially perceived as flaws into an active strength of the experience. the endgame twist is very possibly the best in gaming history.

i think i've made it pretty clear that i really fucking love this game, and recommend it to everyone.

so

i used to say "the ds version is better, but it's fine if you play the port for its various quality of life features" but im no longer able to have that stance, now that i know the extent of how it kinda butchers its narrative. it's not super obvious, but that subtlety honestly makes it worse to me.

it's the difference between a good game, and a incredible game.

in the end, this boils down to the "novel mode" versus "adventure mode" gimmick that they decided to build the port on.

if you choose to play in adventure mode, it removes almost all of the narration and rewrites that aforementioned incredible dialogue to awkwardly shove in some (not all) of that information, resulting in overly obvious and clunky writing that seriously drags some scenes out. the descriptive text in general is actually incredibly important in a way i can't describe, and though it will forcibly shift to novel mode to show it to you very occasionally, it's not Nearly enough and you will miss out on some of the most memorable striking moments because of it. i cannot overstate how much the impact of the ending is affected by this.

if you choose novel mode, you do get narration (very important). HOWEVER. the writing is still the adjusted one done to facilitate only playing adv mode, so now the dialogue is overly obvious and clunky and slow AND (despite changing+taking out some of the narration entirely) repetitive (all the things i said 999 very cleverly avoided 🤔?) and then, for some ungodly reason, it is actively difficult to play the game in novel mode. the game will Constantly shift you back to adv mode so you have to spend the entire game checking to make sure to switch back (something even i found difficult to remember to do, as someone familiar with the game).

so neither way to play the port is good. also they changed the final puzzle to be worse. and a LOT of ludonarrative things i cannot actually get into due to spoilers.

"how much of an impact could these small changes actually have?"

well this is anecdotal, but me (and many other people i know) who originally played 999 on the ds and thought it was a masterpiece, years later went on to play the port version and thought "huh. it was still good, but it's like the magic was gone. i guess the game's just not as good as i remembered, one of those things that doesn't hold up to your memories of it."

and then we replayed the ds game. and found out that the game we remembered DOES still exist! it's just as fantastic, the magic IS THERE. the port just made the game worse!!

anyways, so what were those quality of life changes i mentioned earlier?

in the original ds version of 999, every time you reach an ending you have to start from the beginning of the game again, fast forwarding through the text and replaying the puzzles. (the port changed this to having a flowchart where you can just jump to decision points)

HOWEVER

as someone who Very recently replayed the ds version, i truly don't think this is as much of a pain as you might expect.

skipping text isn't a big deal. yeah it takes a bit, but it's easy to watch a youtube video or something while you're waiting the 5 minutes it takes. using an emulator, you can even speed up the text skipping to an even greater degree. if you can't physically hold down the button, you can find something to hold it down for you, and on an emulator you can rebind the key to be something easier to do that with (like the space bar)

redoing puzzles isn't that big a deal either. not only do you still have to redo some puzzle rooms in the port version anyway, it can be pretty fun to figure out how to essentially speedrun rooms you've done before, and you don't redo them that many times (i would recommend a walkthrough anyway for deciding which endings to get, so making that redo time even shorter is a bonus).

and please trust me when i say those hassles don't just exist bc the game is old, there is artistic intent involved in their inclusion that (for me at least) ends up enhancing the game more than they detract from it.

if you really need the accessibility of voice acting, i might genuinely recommend watching an LP of the ds version instead. yes, i really do think some guy from 10 years ago reading out the text will give you a better experience than a genuinely good cast of voice actors reading the port's. bc the writing of the port's dialogue is so fucking bad lol.

btw, if you're scared off at the prospect of reading a little more now without being able to choose adventure mode... if you've played danganronpa (and most of you did!) 999 is shorter, faster-paced, and has LESS READING.

okay im done

i'd recommend THIS WALKTHROUGH, even if you don't want to use it for the puzzles, it'll give you good info for how to get each ending (especially recommended for true ending), and a general order to do them in. i'd recommend doing getting all the endings (except coffin, which is just the true end cut short) EDIT: thank you to tlblitz for recommending this walkthrough, which gives additional hints for the puzzles instead of just telling you solutions outright

if you've already played 999 (or are just curious about specifics), this video details all the changes mentioned here and more, and it gets all the way into spoiler territory. maaaan did it open my eyes to everything i had subconsciously picked up on in playing the port. (i though the first part about the dialogue was being too nitpicky but then i did a side by side comparison of the beginning of the game and op. was not exaggerating. that port dialogue is AGGRAVATING).

EDIT

i forgot to mention. if you emulate the game, there's a visual glitch that messes up the sprites a little, but you can fix it really easily! in DeSmuME, go to Config>3D Settings and set the renderer to OpenGL

also, here's a mod that increases the text speed, if you find that bothers you.

and i figure i should put my reasons for not just tolerating, but loving the hassles that come from the ds version onto the base post (reposted from another reblog)

major major 999 spoilers below (and some vlr spoilers too)

-----------

to me, one of the coolest aspects of 999 (and zero escape in general) is how much the experience of playing it reflects the narrative

the final twist isn’t just that the text on the bottom screen has been akane, but that you’ve been playing as HER the entire game, not junpei (and with turning the ds upside down for the sudoku, you finally do so for the first time)

in the narrative, you spend basically the entire runtime getting to know her as June, but in the ludonarrative, (the actual Playing the game) you get to know her as Zero. and those annoying bits are a big part of that.

every time akane reaches her death in a timeline, she has to go back to the beginning and start over, because that’s how her powers work. she has to redo all the puzzles, has to wait through all the dialogue until she gets to a point where she can nudge junpei to another route. (in vlr, sigma+phi have a flowchart not just because it’s more convenient, but because that’s how Their powers work).

so subtly, without noticing, you start to reach her point of view. the first time you see the ninth man die it’s shocking and horrific, but even just on your second playthrough the horror doesn’t affect you much. for junpei and everyone else, these sequences are just as terrifying in every route but not for you, cause you’ve seen them before. you can’t be affected by them in the same way, what matters now is finding the futures you haven’t seen yet.

speedrunning puzzles by skipping the clues and zoning out while you wait for the dialogue to finish aren’t just game things, but diagetic events, of akane going through the motions of something she’s done over and over.

when i replayed the ds version recently (something i hadn’t done in a LONG time), i felt so close to akane in a way i never did in the port, because i’d been through the same experience as her. i understood how she could be such a kind and sensitive person who rationalizes away putting all these people she loves through all those the moment to moment horrors in pursuit of a timeline where she and everyone she care about lives, because i’d become detached to them through repetition too.

i completely understand why people wouldn’t enjoy that, but i’m a pretentious gamer who LOVES when mechanics are technically “worse” in a way that is characterful or thematic. so the frustrating bits of 999 add to that experience much more than they detract from it for me haha

[gurugirl]

The Queen's Secret | Chapter 13*

Summary: The getaway was bittersweet for the Queen and her Prince, but she begins to feel happier as her belly grows with his baby, though Harry winds up making a rash decision that could change everything.

A/n: This chapter covers a few months of time - beginning from where we left off last chapter to a few months later where the chapter ends. FYI. 5k words

Warning: Smut, angst, talk of depression and anxiety

The Queen's Secret Masterlist

Chapter 12*

Chapter 13*

A few days, alone, together felt so delicate yet so blissful. Delicate because there was the lingering dread of knowing this was all they would get and every single little moment they had together would be precious. Blissful because it was comforting, and they could touch and kiss and hold and talk and love and express themselves freely. When the Queen admitted to Harry that she wanted to run away with him and his response was one of logic and reason, it also dampened the mood from the start. It wasn’t brought up again during their little getaway, the prospect of the lovers going away and never coming back. Y/n didn’t want to hear Harry repeat his words about losing his children. She knew he would never abandon them. It’s part of what made him so desirable.

Harry wanted to give in to his longing and run off like a man with no responsibilities, but he couldn’t because he was a man with children who needed him. And he needed them just the same.

The pair spent much time together in bed making love, chatting, touching, and pretending with one another. Harry would leave every morning to go to and check-in at the hotel he’d booked for the night and would return after lunch time where Y/n would have made some sort of meal.

Y/n was not good in the kitchen. She could make various things that were fine, but that consisted of easy salads, pasta with oil and garlic, sandwiches, and hot tea. Harry didn’t care much, he wasn’t there for delicious meals. But he was hungry. Harry was a man with a large appetite. Even Gertrude didn’t cook, they had help with those things.

“Tonight we’re making a big dinner, together. Salad and tea for lunch every day isn’t enough, my love,” Harry spoke as they finished off the bit of lunch that Y/n had waiting for him when he got back to the small house.

“Okay. What should we make?” The Queen did feel bad about her lack of knowledge in the kitchen. It was normal, though, for someone like her to not have a good grasp on preparing and making meals. She knew Harry was a big guy with a body that needed more calories than hers did.

“We’ll figure it out. I think we’ve got some steak in the refrigerator and you can make us another one of your delicious salad as well. I’ll think of another dish to make to go with it. And I’m going to make you a dessert my mother used to make. S’not fancy but it’s really good and I think you’ll like it.”

The Queen was so happy with Harry. She wished that he could be with her all the time. The idea that in only a day their time would be up again made her feel sick. It nearly ruined her happiness, just the thought of their time being up. Like when you are enjoying your Sunday but suddenly you remember you have to work on Monday and it dulls the enjoyment. The persistent reality of their situation hung over them like a dark cloud.

But it was no different for Harry. He was feeling anxious about leaving Y/n and going back home to Gertrude. This was a problem, however, because the lovers didn’t mention their fears to one another and so the looming threat of not seeing one another ate into their joy while they were together.

After putting the dirty dishes into the sink Harry lifted Y/n and carried her bridal style toward the living room.

“Harry!” She yelped when Harry suddenly grabbed her and pulled her up into his arms.

He chuckled with a smile, “What?”

The couch found Y/n’s back and she sat up with a grin, “What are you doing?”

She knew what Harry was doing. He not only had a big appetite for food, but he also had a big appetite for her, especially when unencumbered by responsibilities. Without answering her he climbed onto the couch and pulled her pants down her legs where he put his warm lips over her thighs and kissed his way upward to her cotton panties.

Harry loved getting her panties wet with his saliva, and then eventually from her own arousal. She watched as Harry began to apply open-mouthed kisses over the portion of the fabric that sat over her labia. She sighed and smiled. She hadn’t had so many orgasms in all her life. When she and Harry had their sessions sometimes she’d get two orgasms, but on their getaway, three days together, she couldn’t count how many he’d given her. Half of their time was spent with his face in between her thighs. And every time she kissed him he smelled of her.

But he enjoyed it. He loved gifting her with love and physical attention. He hated to leave every morning to go and check in at the hotels he’d booked, but the rest of their time he didn’t let her out of his sight. He was always dragging her to sit in his lap, he’d hold her hand when they were doing something as simple as chatting or walking from the bedroom to the back garden. He’d walk up behind her and wrap his arms around her, he'd kiss all over any part of her skin that was bare to him. He’d grab her arms and make her sway with him as if there was music playing for them to dance to. Harry was a big romantic. He loved touch and nearness. He loved to make love. And he was good at all of it.

“Take them off! You haven’t made love to me yet today. I really need you…” Y/n whined as Harry flattened his tongue over the crotch of her cotton panties.

Harry had left a little earlier this morning because the hotel was an hour away so he didn’t want to disturb the Queen when she seemed so sleepy. He had done a number on her the night before, though, so he figured he’d give her a little break that morning. But now she wanted him. Her hormones were on fire and she was feeling so good in Harry’s presence.

“Ooh… baby, you’re right. Let’s see…” Harry dragged her panties down her legs and threw them off into the room near wherever her pants had landed earlier, “yes. I see you do need me. In a bad way too, Y/n. God if you could only see this…” he rubbed his thumb over her pussy and spread her apart so he could see her entrance and collected the arousal that built up between her crease. He looked up at Y/n and brought his thumb up to his mouth, licking her juices off.

Y/n loved the way Harry handled her. She loved how much attention he gave her and how he insisted on her pleasure above all.

Harry pulled his pants off and then his boxers before yanking his sweater off over his head, “Take your shirt off. Let me see those tits.” Harry grinned.

She sat up and removed her shirt, to reveal there was no bra underneath, but Harry already knew there would be no bra. He’d already felt her up and she also hadn’t been wearing a bra since they arrived at the house. It hadn’t been necessary.

The moment her nipples came into his view he leaned over her, each palm cupping a breast and he kneaded gently at the tender bits. He licked his lips and dipped down to suck one into his mouth and the Queen put her hands into Harry’s hair. He loved sucking on her tits.

“Wish I could suckle on these all the time. God, Y/n… our baby is going to be well-fed, isn’t he?” Harry smiled at her and then dropped down to wrap his lips around the other breast and pulled at her nipple with his lips as his tongue laved over her soft skin.

She laughed at her lover. They had been going back and forth about what they thought the child would be. A he or a she. It didn’t matter really, to either. It was more of a little game.

“I will do my best to nourish her, yes,” she gasped when Harry’s mouth pulled at her nipple a little harder and she rocked her hips upward.

Harry sat up and lifted Y/n’s leg that was closest to the back of the couch and spread her other leg outward so her foot was dangling off the side toward the floor. He slotted his hips in between her legs and his cock was heavy over her belly. She reached down and gently pet at it with her eyes on Harry’s.

Harry stayed like that for a moment in between her legs, his cock lying over her center before he looked down between them and grasped the base of himself, and proceeded to slick himself through her labia, wetting his girth with her arousal.

The pair were silent as Harry finally prodded his wide tip to her wet hole and the moment he pushed inside they both dropped their mouths open.

Harry gently rocked in and out until he could finally submerge into her fully, “Like it when I stuff you? Pour everything I have into you and make you pregnant? Make your belly swell with my come?”

Y/n nodded and grasped onto his bottom to make him press in further. She wanted him in as deep as possible. It hurt a little when he’d submerge in all the way because he was quite long, but she adored the way it felt and the way it ached when his tip met her cervix and pushed her walls apart, “Yes. I love it when my belly bulges with your cock. Like this…” she looked down to where Harry was deep inside of her and she brought a hand around from Harry’s bottom to between them where it was wet and then pressed over her tummy where she could feel Harry inside moving in and out of her.

They both moaned and when Harry felt the pressure of her hand over her tummy, pushing into Harry’s cock he closed his eyes and wished that he could sear the feeling into his brain forever.

“God, baby. I love you so much,” Harry groaned and he brought his lips to hers and began to press in deep, upward thrusts, achy and tight and wet.

Y/n enjoyed pregnancy sex more than she thought she would. Being pregnant had made her feel a little off, but every time Harry entered her or ate her out she was bursting out of her skin. Her hormones were crazy and Harry felt so good.

Their panted breaths and the slick sounds of their bodies moving together seemed to be the background noise for most of their little getaway.

The Queen tipped over fast. Her ears began to ring as her orgasm spread throughout her body. Harry couldn’t hold his own back the moment he felt her clenching around him. He groaned as he released inside of the Queen, stilling his hips, pushing into her as deep as he could possibly get.

The lovers on their last day spent much of their time touching, laughing, dancing, and fucking. The Queen didn’t want to bring up again what she’d said to him their first evening together about running away. She felt silly for even suggesting it. But the truth was that she was quite serious. If there could be a way for them to go away together without repercussions she’d suggest it. She didn’t want to be without Harry. Not ever again. The weeks without him had been hell. She put on a smile and pretended she wasn’t sad or longing for the Prince, but she was aching and depressed inside when they couldn’t be together.

And now, their final evening was happy but the anticipation of parting again hung over them thick and they could both feel the darkness just around the corner. They held onto one another closely. Dinner had them cooking together and dancing while the pasta boiled and then the Queen was pulled into Harry’s lap at the dinner table where they ate.

Harry insisted on Y/n sitting in his lap. Their plates sat next to one another as they ate and Harry cut his steak and spoke about an old coffee shop that had closed down a few years prior and how the owner had moved to another country for retirement.

Y/n found it difficult to eat while sitting in Harry’s lap but she didn’t mind it. Having her bottom on his warm thigh and the closeness was sweet. She’d dream of this moment for many years to come. She wished she didn’t have to give it up, though.

Harry sensed Y/n’s sadness but that’s because he was feeling it as well. Tomorrow would be a day of stress filled with tears.

“I’m going to miss you, Y/n,” Harry spoke as he wrapped his arms around the Queen and pressed his face into her neck, inhaling her scent.

Y/n closed her eyes and leaned her head toward where Harry had put his face onto her skin and she brought her hands up to hold over Harry’s arms. She closed her eyes and nodded, “I’m going to miss you too, Harry.”

As wonderful as being together for three days was, the parting was the most difficult thing either had ever done. They both understood their roles and what it meant that they were going back to Manon. They’d look for opportunities to continue their affair from time to time but it would not be something that could be done often and with ease as they had already come to find out.

When Harry finally left the following day and the Queen was alone in the house she began to feel hopeless. Her world had just crumbled all around her when he told her he wouldn’t run away with her and she’d been doing well to hold it all together while he was with her. Because his presence and his voice and his touch were soothing and calming. But now he was headed home to his children and a wife he no longer loved.

They both sobbed tears and clung to one another before Harry had to drag himself from his lover and get into his vehicle to drive away. He’d meant to leave earlier, but it took a good hour to get his heart and his mind straightened out from how devastated he was. And he didn’t want to leave the Queen in the state she was in but he had to.

Two days alone in a house without anyone around could have been her undoing. She walked through the rooms and the yard with wet cheeks and a broken heart. The bed smelled of Harry and the sink was full of dirty dishes that she made when she thought she’d try and cook herself something to eat but instead burned it all and wept as a result of Harry being gone, the food being inedible, and her severe loneliness.

She forced herself to eat for the sake of the baby, but if she had not been pregnant she was sure she would have starved herself.

The Queen didn’t leave her bed for days. When Edgar returned from his trip he called for the doctor to come and check on her. She’d barely eaten, and had done nothing but cry since he’d returned and he couldn't understand why.

Rory came to see her friend as well when Edgar didn’t know what to do to liven her up.

The doctor took her blood pressure, drew blood, and checked all of her vitals. He gave her a prescription for anxiety and recommended that she leave the castle for a walk with someone at least once per day.

When everyone had gone and it was just Rory and the Queen, Rory stayed by her bed and held her hand until she was ready to talk. But she knew what had the Queen so down. The trip away with Harry must have been the cause.

“I am in love with a man whom I cannot be with. It’s my fault. I hate myself for it. And now my hormones are absolutely destroying my mental stability. I feel like I’m losing my mind. Like I’m going to go mad. I’ve never felt like this before, Ror. I don’t know what to do.”

There were no answers. Things must go on regardless of the way the Queen felt.

When the Queen’s belly began to start showing signs of the baby inside, her heart changed and grew lighter. She had been sad and emotional, depressed and anxious, but now that her body was feeling a bit better and her belly was showing proof that she was carrying Harry’s baby things felt more calm and sweet in life.

She would send pictures to Harry so he could see her belly grow and they’d talk nearly every day when Harry could get some privacy. The Queen began to feel good. She was happy that she was going to be a mother.

The first couple of months were very hard on Y/n. The pregnancy hormones affected her mood and her emotions. She was severely depressed. Part of that was because she couldn’t be with Harry, but the chemical reaction created with the hormones from pregnancy made her feel off balance.

Harry missed the Queen desperately too. And he knew she had been depressed and moody. He began to have quick meet-ups with Rory to get updates about her that the Queen wasn’t forthright with. She’d been telling Harry she was fine, but he knew she wasn’t. So learning about her depression from Rory had him worried. But eventually, the updates Rory supplied him with were that she was happy. Finally.

The longer they went without seeing one another, the easier it became for them. They still missed one another but the ache was dull and not so sharp as it had been at the beginning.

When Y/n finally went to the doctor to determine what sex the baby was, Rory and her sister Alma were with her. The doctor announced after the ultrasound that the baby would be a female. A girl. It was quite a joyous moment. Just to know this little bit about her baby. The moment she was out of the clinic she texted Harry, asking him to call her when he got a moment. He knew she was going to have her ultrasound and so he had been anticipating the message.

With both Rory and Alma in on the Queen’s secret, having her speak with her lover in front of them was only slightly awkward, but not a surprise. The Queen gushed to Harry that they were having a girl and Harry had to take a seat as he listened to his Queen. He missed her. Her sweet voice and the occasional picture were nice for him, but he wanted to have her in his arms. Needed to feel her and smell her again. This news had him digging into his heart once again. Had him feeling like he’d made a mistake by not running away with her or being open to some kind of plan.

The King was happy about the news when Y/n finally told him. A little girl would soon be present in the castle and it seemed to make Y/n happy. But as happy as the king was he told Y/n they would need to have her become pregnant with a boy. A boy could one day be king. A little girl could not. It was only a small bit of surprise to the Queen that Edgar’s response would be as it was. She understood how the royal line worked. She put her hands onto her rounded tummy and leaned back in the chair, “Well, we’ll worry about all that after she’s born. I’m just enjoying being pregnant with her right now.”

The idea of having sessions with Harry again was a pleasant one. She knew it would be good with him, but her current contentment and happiness were her priority. She couldn’t worry too much about that kind of future. She was focused on her baby and the future her little girl would have. She was focused on keeping herself happy and calm in the face of imperfect circumstances. She didn’t know what to expect beyond the birth of her little girl. She didn’t know if Harry would still hold as much power over her heart as he currently did. She couldn’t imagine that she’d ever love him any less, but she was aware that her focus had shifted slowly once the little one that grew inside of her began to kick and move about. No, she would never love him less. The child that grew inside of her was part of Harry’s creation too. She felt it could only make her love him more.

She was going to be a mother now. Things were happening quickly. Her clothes were all traded for ugly maternity ones. Her well-fitted gowns were switched for empire waist styles. Her tummy grew and stretched and her back was sore, and her tits were heavy and ached. But she was happy. And that was all she could ask for given the situation.

One morning the Queen slept in a bit longer than usual. Normally she’d be up early because sleeping sometimes was uncomfortable. But on this morning, she was feeling good. Her back wasn’t as achy as it had been the night before. She slowly blinked her eyes open and was startled when she saw Edgar sitting in a chair next to her, watching.

“Edgar you startled me. What are you doing?” The Queen pushed herself up to her elbows and blinked her sleepy eyes.

“Harry is insisting on seeing you. He’s come to the castle. He’s here now but he’s being escorted out.” The king sat back with his arms crossed, not a speck of emotion visible in either his posture or on his face.

Y/n sat up the rest of the way, “What do you mean? What did he do? Why is he being escorted out?” The peaceful sleep the Queen had achieved was now like a nightmare. Her heart raced and her head felt like it was being squeezed.

“What I mean is that he came here, caused a scene, and yelled at me. He said he needed to see you. Then he said he deserved to be part of the baby’s life. Harry has no right to see you or the baby. His job is done. Do you know why he’s come here, Y/n?”

The last thing the Queen wanted was to throw Harry under the bus, to make it seem that he was crazy and she was innocent in all this. She knew that Harry had severe ups and downs with his feelings when it came to her. He was sensitive. Perhaps he’d had a bad morning or night. The Queen turned her head to look at her cell phone that was plugged into the wall for charging overnight and wondered if the King had already looked at it. There were sure to have been texts from Harry if he had decided he was coming to the castle to make a ruckus.

Edgar got up in a hurry when he saw the Queen looking at her cell phone. He plucked it up and unplugged the cord then held the phone out to her, “Unlock it.”

She thought she could pass out. She didn’t know if Harry had contacted her or not. The secret name she kept his texts under would do no good if they were recent and unread and related to Harry coming to the castle. Everything else had been deleted. She swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat and took a breath as she grabbed the phone.

To her surprise, there didn’t appear to be any new texts from Harry on her notification screen. She typed in her password and closed her eyes as she handed the phone to Edgar.

She watched her husband open up the messages and phone app and scroll through, looking for evidence of her wrongdoing.

When he handed the phone back to her he rubbed his hands over his face and sat back down, “Sorry. I needed to check. You understand right? This is concerning that he’s here. He knows the rules.”

The Queen nodded, “Yes, I understand that. I think Harry is just very emotional and easy to rile up. Perhaps he might feel an attachment to his child,” she cringed when she said his child. Edgar wouldn’t like that, but it was said and she couldn’t take it back. And the truth was, the child Y/n was carrying was Harry’s and not Edgar's.

“I don’t see why he would. He has children with Gertrude…” the King stopped mid-sentence when there was clanging in the hallway and the sound of men shouting.

Edgar got up from his chair and opened the door to peer out. The very moment the door was opened Harry was pushing his way in. The Queen urged her pregnant body out of the bed as quickly as her heavy belly allowed her, putting her bare feet onto the cold stone floor. She hadn’t seen him in months. His hair was grown out, long curls swept over his ears, a bit of dark scruff on his face, and dark circles under his eyes.

“Get out of here! This is not your property and that baby will never meet you if you act this way!” Edgar shouted as he held onto Harry’s collar to keep him back. Harry kept his eyes on the Queen as she stood next to the bed in her nightgown.

A guard came into the doorway and the Queen put her hand up, “Leave us,” she spoke and the guard nodded, backing away. Edgar scoffed and before he could call the guard back, Harry closed the door behind him and despite Edgar’s own strength and size, Harry easily pushed the King off of him.

Harry turned to Edgar and pointed at him, “I will tell the kingdom of your secret, King,” Harry spoke the word King as if it were a nasty word, “and then the child will not be a legitimate heir due to your conniving. Unless you let me see her and the child when I’d like. The baby is mine after all!” Harry was furious and red in the face. He looked wild and angry.

Edgar looked quite wild and angry himself as he began to rush toward Harry.

“Wait! Edgar, we should think about this. If he tells then everything is ruined. Let’s take a breath and think,” The Queen put herself between Harry and Edgar. Both men halting.

Edgar kept his eyes on Harry who was behind the Queen, “This is unacceptable behavior, Harry. I will remember this from now on. Your character is tainted now. You’ve gone back on a promise and I can no longer trust you.”

Harry laughed incredulously, “And your character is tainted as well. You’ve lied and made a mockery of the kingdom by doing this. You’re a fraud. An infertile fraud.”

Edgar breathed out deeply and his eyes widen at the words Harry spoke. The Queen stepped forward and put her hand on Edgar’s shoulder, “Calm down. This isn’t a big deal. Let me have a moment with the Prince and you go take a walk. I’ll come to find you soon.”

Edgar turned his eyes to Y/n’s finally and shook his head, “Over my dead body will I let you alone with this traitor ever again.” The Queen shook her head, keeping her hands firmly on Edgar, “Please. Let’s calm down. None of this is doing anyone any good. Go take a walk, Edgar.”

It took a few more minutes before Edgar relented but when he left the room, Harry slammed the door closed behind him and locked the door. The Queen scolded Harry for his behavior, “Harry! What are you thinking? What’s going on?”

Harry frowned as he took large steps toward the Queen, pulling her into his arms. He kissed the top of her head and then brought his hands down to feel her belly, “This is mine. You are and the baby in here. I needed to see you. I know you’re doing well, but I am not. I couldn’t take it. I had a breakdown and found myself here this morning.”

Harry dropped his head to look down and the Queen brought her hands up to Harry face and pushed his head up so she could look at him, “But now what, Harry? Look what you’ve done. This scene is surely going to be questioned. What outcome are you looking for my Prince?” She smoothed her hands over his unshaved jawline and into his shaggy hair. She pushed the curls from his forehead as Harry kept his hands on her pregnant belly.

“I don’t know. I don’t even remember coming here. I had a spat with Gertrude and I left. We’ve been fighting a lot. But it’s my fault because I no longer am in love with her. Can barely stand her. I only compare her to you and there’s just no comparison. The children see it too. I hate myself right now. I just needed to see you and the baby so I could breathe and think. I can’t think when I can’t see you. Can’t breathe.”

Harry sniffled and Y/n leaned into him, wrapping her arms around his middle. Her poor, sweet Prince. He had been longing and sad all this time and she didn’t know it. She wanted to protect him and take care of him and his sweet heart but she didn’t know how that could ever happen.

The Queen tilted her head back to look up at Harry, “Harry?” He looked down at her, his hands gently rubbing up and down her spine and then smoothed over her hips toward the front over her belly. She smiled at his handsome face. Despite his dark circles, he was still handsome with his hair grown out like it was. She moved her hands up his chest and spoke, “What now my Prince?”

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[deathsconsort]

@valkyrd

how can things change so drastically in such a short amount of time? one moment she was blissfully happy with her mate, excited to tell him they were expecting. she saw their future so clearly, the two of them ruling the dusk court together, their friends by their side, and them spoiling their baby with so much love. it was perfect and more than nesta could have dreamed for herself, so it shouldn’t have crushed her the way it did when that future crumbled right before her. whenever things seem to be going well and she’s happy it never lasts long, something always happens to ruin it.

however, there was one blessing; the fact that she didn’t tell cassian about her pregnancy before he made his decision. she still didn’t know all the faerie laws, didn’t know if any existed for such a situation, nor did she care. she didn’t know if she would have been stuck there in the night court or if rhysand would have forced her to stay because she was carrying cassian’s baby. not that she’d listen to him, but it would have made things more complicated. and there was no way she was going to tell cassian about the pregnancy in an attempt to get him to go with her, she couldn’t stand the thought of him only agreeing because she was pregnant.

upon rebuilding the dusk court and setting up the valkyries, as well as welcoming people to live within the court, nesta had been keeping her pregnancy hidden. using her magic she is able to disguise her scent, not covering it up completely but just enough to alter it so no one can detect she’s with child. thankfully it takes a good few months for a bump to show and when it started to it was small enough for her to cover it with looser fitting gowns and blouses. the last thing she needed was someone finding out and gossiping about her, then somehow getting to the night court. a visit from cassian was the last thing she wanted to deal with.

nesta was nearing six months now and it was beginning to be impossible to hide her bump or how easily tired she became. she knew this day would come, but she still didn’t know what to do or how to tell her friends, if they’d react badly or think her a horrible person for keeping it a secret from them and the baby’s father. nearly every night since becoming high lady she contemplated her plan, lying in bed wide awake as the thoughts nearly suffocated her. and still she doesn’t have the faintest clue on how to go about it.

her best plan had been to invite gwyn to her chambers for a girl’s night, slumber party included if she wanted to end up sleeping in the same room with her once she told her the truth. maybe it was cowardly, but she didn’t want to tell emerie and gwyn together in case the reaction wasn’t one she’d hoped for. one of the wondrous things about this palace was that it was alive in the same way the house of wind was, whether they’re connected or just similar was unknown to her, but it gave her comfort. it had laid about a bunch of sweet treats for them, books ( some of which were questionable smut ), tea and juice, materials for bracelet making, and a table filled with things for manicures. nesta wore an oversized fuzzy sweatshirt and pajama shorts, knowing it probably looked a bit ridiculous since it was still summer.

they were a little over an hour into their girls night when nesta finally conjured up enough courage…if gwyn was going to get mad at her and leave she’d rather her do it now rather than when they’re too deep into it. they sat on nesta’s bed while making bracelets, nesta now better at braiding the string than she was when gwyn first taught her. “so..” she started. her eyes didn’t stray from the bracelet she was working on. “there’s something i’ve been meaning to tell you and i waited so long because i didn’t know how to tell you or anyone. i still don’t. and i’m afraid of what you’ll say. but i know it’s impossible to keep hiding it.” nesta blew out a big sigh and looked up from her bracelet to gwyn. “i’m pregnant…nearly six months pregnant.”

[serendipitouswasteland]

When You Started Crying, Baby I Did Too, But When the Sun Came Up I Was Looking At You (When the Sun Came Up You Were Looking At Me)

Note: This was transcribed from my AO3.

ship: buddie pov: third person written: March 11, 2022 first published: March 11, 2022 word count: 3,982 - summary: Buck and Eddie got married. Buck legally became Chris's father. Things changed. They were the same, but they changed. They weren't half anymore, they were full. Everything was full. Buck's heart was full. Eddie's heart was full. Their lives were finally full– complete.

This is that story. - A/N: I suggest listening to 'Out of the Woods' by Taylor Swift while reading this.

The wedding was beautiful. Small, consisting only of their closest friends and family (though, for Buck, his closest friends were his family), but still beautiful. Jee-yun was the flower girl. Maddie and Chimney were crying as they watched her walk down the aisle throwing the flower petals down. Eddie wore grey. His hair was fluffy. He watched as Buck walked down the aisle to him, tears welling in his eyes. How had he gotten so lucky? Buck wore an off-white. He finally decided to let out his curls. He gave Jee a big hug once he got to the altar, then hugged Maddie, who was still crying, causing his eyes to water too.

Once they were finally face to face, holding each other's hands, Buck was able to let out a deep breath.

"Hi," he said, laughing away his tears.

It elicited a small chuckle from Eddie, too, saying, "Hi."

"So, we're finally doing this," Buck said, giving Eddie's hands a small squeeze.

"Yeah. We are," Eddie responded, squeezing Buck's hands in return, giving him a sure and steady smile.

Chris was the ring-bearer. Buck will never forget Eddie's face when he found out. (He'd told Eddie that he would work out the ceremony details, he just had to make the decisions for the reception, and this was why). He watched as Eddie brought a hand up to his face to cover his mouth, his tears spilling out. He let go of one of Buck's hands, sitting high on his knees before letting go of the other to pull Chris into a big hug. When he pulled back, he gave Chris a big kiss on the forehead, pulling him into a hug once again.

Chris had ended up pulling Buck into the hug, too, so Buck was on one knee, arms around his son (they'd gone through the process of having Buck adopt him, legally making him one of his fathers, as per Christopher's request after Buck and Eddie first started dating), somehow finding the strength to pull away and continue on with the ceremony.

Then there was their rings. The same exact ones, just different sizes, their names engraved into the inside of the dark gray bands, respectively. Slipping the rings on each other's fingers nearly broke both of them as they let out the same shaky breaths followed by soft, quiet laughter shared between them. Buck's hands were shaking, Eddie's barely remaining stable enough to calm him down a little. It was even worse when they shared their vows.

Buck had a paper he'd written his out on, and as he held it you could hear the paper moving with each shake of his hands. He kept on rambling, getting off-topic and wanting tell every story relating to what he had written down. Eventually, though, he got through them, tears having fallen down both their cheeks at that point. Eddie's vows were much shorter, barely any words at all. He had already said everything when he proposed (with a Ring Pop, yes, but a ring nonetheless), so there wasn't much left. The part that made Buck want to cry again was when Eddie pulled two chains out of his pocket, placing one in Buck's hand and claiming it was to put their rings on when at work. That was what made it special.

The kiss was normal. Not a bad normal, no, but a good normal. It was familiar, comfortable. Eddie had one hand on Buck's waist, keeping them steady, him twirling his fingers through the hair at the nape of Buck's neck. Buck's hands were cupping Eddie's face, having been the one to pull him in. It was full of love and emotion, and it was followed by one very, very long hug until Buck's arms gave out on him. Eddie was the one to pull back, caressing Buck's face the same way he's always done to Chris and, since starting on their journey together, Buck, too. He took Buck's hand in his own, giving it a reassuring squeeze before they walked back down the aisle, this time together.

Buck had no idea where they were going for the reception. Eddie had refused to tell him. As they got closer, he realized that they were just going home. Despite all logic and reason, everyone had managed to arrive before them. They were greeted by Hen and Karen, and when they got all the way through the door Maddie pulled Buck into yet another hug while tears streamed down her face. She examined his hands, looking at the ring intently, only making her cry harder. Hen noticed, making her cry, too. Then there was Karen hugging Eddie, the two diving immediately into a conversation about god knows what, Chimney eventually joining in, while Christopher and Denny played on their Nintendo Switches together, Jee-yun leaning over their shoulders to watch.

When he was finally able to pull away from Maddie and Hen, Buck had gone to the kitchen to grab a beer (and to escape), only for Bobby and Athena to enter a moment later. Seeing them, Buck burst into tears, setting his beer down and pulling them into a giant hug. For years, since they'd met, Bobby had treated him like a son. He's always called Bobby 'Pops', and Bobby has always called Buck 'kid'. Since they'd met, Athena has been like a mother, always shaking her head at his often recklessness, but always knowing who he truly is, more than anyone. Their love and support, having been the first ones to find out (a fault of Bobby being the fire captain), meant more to Buck than they would every possibly know. He hoped they could feel it.

Eddie had walked in at that time, in search of his own beer and escape, only for that to be absolved by a sudden concern and worry for 'Why is my husband crying in his parents arms in my kitchen?' This was heightened by the frown on Buck's face when Bobby and Athena left the kitchen to go mingle with everyone else.

"Hey. What's going on? Did something happen?" Eddie asked, going to Buck's side as he stood with his back to the sink, palms gripping the edge of the countertop behind him.

"No," Buck said as Eddie set his beer down, leaning on the counter next to Buck.

"So why are you upset?"

"I'm not– I'm not upset, it's just...why do I feel like I'm going to lose them at any minute?"

"You're not."

"No, that's what you think, but you don't know that."

"You don't know you're going to lose them either."

"I mean, I don't think I will, I just have this gut feeling that everything is about to become royally fucked."

"If that happens, then I'll be right here with you. 'For better and for worse', right? We didn't say those words today for nothing, Evan."

That wasn't the end of the conversation. They went on to talk about lots of things until someone called for a toast, necessitating their presence. It was Chimney, standing on a chair, humorous as always. It was light and funny, and then Eddie's abuela had something she wanted to say, leading into her and his tía Pepa to tell as many embarrassing stories as they could. It made Eddie flustered, yes, but it also made everyone, including him, laugh and smile. It made Buck's arm around Eddie's waist pull him closer as he tried to walk away from it all, Buck's way of saying 'I want all of you, even the embarrassing stories that your family tells any time they're given the chance', and it filled Eddie's heart so much.

Bobby had to cut in to keep the storytelling from going all night long, focusing everyone's attention on the cake that he'd made that was sitting on the kitchen counter. They moved the cake to the table, Buck's hand over Eddie's as they cut the first slice out of the cake. Eddie warned him not to, already knowing what was going through his mind, but Buck simply couldn't help himself, taking the plate and smashing it into Eddie's face. He repeatedly rushed out 'I'm sorry', but it was too late. Eddie wiped some of the frosting off, looking at his then covered hand and to Buck before he began chasing him around the house just to get back at him.

They eventually stopped in the living room, everyone watching from the doorway as Eddie slipped his clean hand around Buck's waist, pulling him close as he smeared the frosting all over his face. Buck had grimaced at the whole thing, but smiled when Eddie's face softened from one of payback to one of love, followed by him giving Buck a kiss. His hand, still having frosting on it, cupped Buck's cheek, little bits of the sweet getting into his hair, while Buck had one hand on Eddie's bicep and the other keeping him pulled in by his chin and jaw. They pulled back, smiling, giving each other one last peck before going to the kitchen to wash their hands and faces. (To this day, they're both endlessly thankful for Chimney's need to record everything. They would have hated to have nothing to remember the moment except their own memories.)

That night, leaving to go to the airport so they could start their honeymoon, Eddie nearly broke at having to tell Christopher they'd be gone for a full week. He almost asked Buck if they could bring him with them. He didn't, though, and they left. They got to the airport and were nothing but smiles, giving each other quick little kisses every chance they could. They held hands the entire plane ride, even when they fell asleep, Eddie's head resting on Buck's shoulder and Buck's head resting on top of Eddie's. They got to their hotel and spent the entire first day in a love haze, just the two of them in their hotel room, nothing less and nothing more (except for, of course, the occasional room service). The rest of the week they spent exploring Buck's hometown.

It was an untraditional destination for a honeymoon, yes, to go to your spouse's hometown, but there was a reason for it. Buck, for the longest time, had been pushing for a tropical vacation, something sunny and warm and with a beach nearby. Somewhere that you would normally go. Eddie was okay with it. He didn't really care. He wanted to go wherever Buck wanted to go, because that was all he cared about– being with Buck. Then, one night, Buck had approached Eddie in their room, climbing into bed with him before saying:

"I think our honeymoon should be to my hometown."

"What?" Eddie asked, the topic sudden.

"Yeah. I mean, I haven't been there since...since I moved out; since I left. I want to go back. I need to go back. My therapist said it would be good. It would help me to actually move on."

"Are you sure that you want to go back? If you do, then that's what we'll do. I don't mind. I just want to make sure that it's something you want to do. I want you to be sure you're ready."

"I think so. Besides, if I'm not we have two options: stay in our hotel for the rest of the week, or come home early."

They visited Buck's childhood home, staying parked in the rental car. Buck didn't want to get out. He felt safer across the street in the car with Eddie. He doesn't regret it. He got the closure he needed. He got to tell Eddie stories, good and bad, that only brought them closer. It was a good decision, because some of the memories had been long forgotten by Buck, only the sight of the house bringing them back. They drove past Buck's high school, his favorite diner, the community college he got kicked out of for spending his tuition money on a motorcycle, the place he got his motorcycle, where Maddie used to work, where Buck got his first job– they drove everywhere. It was slow going, and at some times more painful than others. Buck cried, a lot.

When they got back home to L.A., Buck felt at peace with his past and with his childhood. He felt like his life was finally starting to come together. That night, he and Eddie saying goodnight to Christopher, together, for the first time, Buck realized that it already had come together. He had everything that he'd ever wanted: a family that loves him that he loves back. His life was complete. Eddie's was, too.

Their first day back home as a married couple, they had a shift. Like every morning, Buck woke up first, kissing Eddie on the cheek before getting out of bed, and just like every morning, Eddie was actually awake and smiling to himself (something that would continue for the rest of their lives, and Buck would never find out, but it was always Eddie's favorite part of the morning). Buck made breakfast while Eddie got ready, then he left to do the same while Eddie got Christopher up for the day. Even though it was the summer, he wanted to make sure Chris got up every morning and had fun outside of the house (at least on the days he and Buck were working).

Carla arrived just before Buck and Eddie left the house. She had spent the entire week at their house, and they'd paid her well, but they still felt bad that she had less than a full twenty-four hours to herself before having to come back over. They made sure to leave her a bottle of her favorite wine above the fridge, a note on the front of the freezer to go with. Then, they were off.

Buck got in his jeep, Eddie got in his truck, and, without breaking any traffic laws, they raced to the firehouse. When they got there, they were greeted by a "welcome home committee", consisting of Hen, Chim, Ravi, and Bobby, a banner hanging from the railing saying "welcome home, newlyweds". Then, the bell rang and they had to go on a call. It was nerve-wracking, almost. Some of the tamest calls they'd gone on, one of them had almost died– sometimes not even on a call. They loved their job, and neither of them, especially Buck, was willing to give that up. So they got in the fire engine and they sat across from each other, eyes locked on each other the whole time. They answered questions from their friends, but the second the engine stopped, they reached across and held hands, taking their rings on their necklaces and kissing them before tucking them into their uniforms. That's what they would do for every day to come.

The call ended up not being anything too serious, just an older woman who had fallen and was unable to get up on her own. Buck had stood back and watched as Eddie and Chim made sure she was okay before helping her up, then handing her off to Hen. She didn't have a bump, scratch, or bruise on her. She did, however, notice Buck playing with the chain, and how he kept sliding the ring back and forth. She'd said 'it's new', like it was a well-known fact amongst the world. Then, Eddie, without realizing the context, had begun to do the same thing. The old woman smiled, winking at them as Hen helped her to her couch, checking to make sure she was okay one last time before they got back in the engine and left.

At the end of the week, they decided it would be fun to have a family movie night. They were all wearing pajamas, and Eddie sat down on the left side of the couch, putting on Avengers, the same movie they always watch. Christopher came in with the a blanket, sitting in the middle of the couch, and Buck came in with the popcorn, setting the bowl in Chris's lap. They laughed a lot, and they fell asleep like that, the three of them cuddled on the couch, like a family. Because, officially, that's what they were. A family.

Every Friday that followed, unless Buck and Eddie had to work, the Buckley-Diaz family sat down in their pjs with a blanket and a bowl of popcorn to watch a movie. Sometimes they watched movies they've already seen, and others they would watch a new one that had just been released on DVD after being in the theaters. Most of the time, though, they would continue on with each of the Marvel movies, MCU and otherwise. Most of the time Christopher would be sitting in the middle, but sometimes he was on the right side leaning on Eddie, who was leaning on Buck, or he would be leaning on Buck who was leaning on Eddie. Every time, they would fall asleep there, dealing with the bowl of popcorn when they woke up.

From there, once a month they would have dinner with Maddie, Chim, Jee-yun, Bobby, May, and Athena. Chris enjoyed having a younger cousin, and he enjoyed having an aunt that was still young, and even though Eddie's has his sisters and his sisters have kids, Chris was able to see Jee and May more often, and that's what made it so special. When Eddie thought about what he'd always wanted for Christopher, he realized that, from the moment he met Buck, he never had anything to worry about. He realized that, no matter what, he was right about what he thought with knowing Buck for barely more than a year– that no one would ever fight for his– now their– son as hard as him. 'That's what I want for him.'

Their first Christmas as a married couple, and as a couple living together, Chris woke them up first thing in the morning, bright and early, before the sun had even come up yet. The following year they had to work on Christmas, but they came home to find that Chris had stayed up until they got home. Both years, all he wanted was to open their gifts and have dinner as a family. Every year after that, it was the same. There was, though, the third Christmas. Christopher was fourteen then when he finally asked a question he'd been wanting to know for...well, ever.

"Am I ever going to have a sister?" He asked as they were having their mini feast. It caught Buck and Eddie off-guard, but the conversation wasn't shut down.

"Well, we haven't really talked about it," Buck said, but Eddie already knew how his husband felt about it.

"You've always wanted a kid."

"Well, yeah, but I have Chris."

"Let me rephrase that: you've always wanted a baby," Eddie said, taking Buck's hand.

"Y– yeah, I have, but—"

"No."

"No?"

"No. No shutting down your wishes and wants just because of what you have. Buck, I've talked to Maddie; many times. Every time I mention how much you or Chris loves Jee, she mentions how you've always wanted a daughter. A baby daughter. I don't want to keep you from having that."

"What– what are you saying?" Buck said, almost pulling his hand away from Eddie's before Eddie clasped both his hands around Buck's.

"I want to give you what you want."

"Eddie, you've already done it, though. You've lived it. I'm not making you start over."

"You're right. I already have lived it. I still am living it, right now, with Chris, and with you. I already have what I've always wanted. Now all I want is for my two boys– my son and my husband– to have what they want, and if that means bringing a baby girl into this family, then that's what we're going to do."

So they did. They adopted a little girl. Aniyah. Then, two years after that, when Chris started looking at colleges, was when Buck and Eddie sat down and started talking again. They talked for a long time before deciding that they wanted Aniyah (and Chris) to have another sister. So they adopted another little girl. Riley. They were best friends. Still are. Chris loved them with his entire being. Still does. Their family only became more complete.

The most important parts, though, for both Buck and Eddie, were the same. Not just the same as each other, but the same as they were before. Before they got married, before they got engaged, before they started dating, before they even began to entertain the idea that they could ever be more than friends. The things that had been the foundation of who they are in relation to each other. Them being their utterly idiotic selves, joking around and being confused together, all the time, always, and helping each other through the harder parts of the day and through the rougher calls that they had, leaning on each other for support. The simply being who they are, only now with the added comfort and security that comes from being married and knowing the person you're in love with is in love with you too.

As the years went on, things stayed that way. Things were always that way, and always would be. Even as Chris went off to college, things were still that way. Even as Aniyah and Riley graduated and went into work, things were still that way. Even after they went to May's wedding, things were still that way. Even as they attended Athena's funeral, things were still that way. Even as they attended Bobby's funeral, they were still that way. Even as they watched each other nearly die time after time after time again, they were still that way.

Even after they went to Denny's wedding, they were still that way. Even after they went to Christopher's wedding, they were still that way. Even as they attended Chimney's funeral, they were still that way. Even after they walked Jee-Yun down the aisle in Chimney's honor, just as Maddie and Jee had asked, they were still that way. Even after they walked their own daughters down the aisle, they were still that way. Even as Eddie developed lung cancer and had to retire, Buck doing the same because he vowed to be there for Eddie on their wedding day 'in sickness and in health', things were still that way. Even as Eddie was in remission, things were still that way.

Even as they were out on a date and there was a shooting, and Eddie got shot, again, and Buck felt Eddie's heart stop beneath him, things were still that way. Even after Buck got someone to put pressure on the wound while he did CPR, things were still that way. Even as Buck had to be pulled away from Eddie's dead body, things were still that way. Even as Buck developed Takotsubo Cardiomyopathy, more commonly known as Broken Heart Syndrome, things were still that way. Even after his broken heart killed him, things were still that way. Nothing ever changed who Buck and Eddie are. Not even death. Nothing ever could, because they're Buck and Eddie, and even in death, that's who they'll be.

[arimarushunya]

I just finished pokemon violet, and while I have many many gripes with how it runs and certain mechanics, I'm with nearly everyone else I've seen talk about this game in that it's probably my fav.

What makes me really sad tho is that this game had so much more potential to be absolutely phenomenal, had it not been rushed like it was. Imagining what kind of game it could have been with more time and attention,,,, almost makes me hate it as is lmao

stream of consciousness and spoilers under cut

Area Zero man. None of the rest of the scenery really wowed me, but going thru Area Zero... my initial enjoyment of it was a bit dampened by not being able to use Miraidon to get around, but it was still just a cool area and I can't wait to explore it more thoroughly later.

I really liked the rpg-ness of having friends traveling with me. It made the game feel fuller and more impactful. Like a lot of the game until that point was traveling vast expanses of just pokemon, with very small chunks of story happening at ocassional checkpoints. Having people traveling with me who were moving the story along while I traveled made the game flow better and feel like my traveling was part of the story, if that makes sense. Wish it had been a mechanic during any other part of the game (tutorial aside).

Story wise, I guessed the big twist pretty early on, but I think it actually aided my enjoyment? like, the tension of probably knowing Turo's fate while traveling with Arven, who just wants to see his dad.... 😭😭😭

The first Turo fight was cool, I'm a sucker for AI goes rogue but good stories. Everything after that fight tho was kinda,, eh. I didn't find Miraidon's arc super compelling, and the ending felt weird. Idk how to explain, but AI Turo's decision felt more selfish than sacrificial, which didnt tonally mesh well with me. But, it's a kids game, it need a somewhat feel-good ending ig.

Now, my main gripes:

- Performance. This honestly goes without saying; this is everyone's biggest gripe with the game. It's extremely unpolished and runs like shit. I don't think I got over 20 frames at any point. Considering BOTW and Odyssey both came out YEARS before this, there really shouldn't have been this much of an issue making a large open world switch title. This is likely cause by how rushed the game was, and it's so sad to see.

- it's pretty empty. like I said above, there's vast expanses of land to travel thru, but once you've caught the pokemon in the area, it can be a drag to explore because there's nothing else really compelling. Having more story beats outside of towns, or having a traveling companion might have fixed this, but as is it feels like a slog to explore.

- Character customization. I'm getting fucking blue balled by Nintendo, having all these clothing shops in scarvi that they don't do shit bc you're forced to wear one of four outfits the entire game. Like, they were so close. I have to imagine this was due to time constraints, bc the other option is they did it out of spite to prevent boys wearing skirts.... I just was so turned off by the shops as a whole bc this sucked so much ass.

- various QOL: - would have loved repels to prevent small ass pokemon spawning underfoot while I'm trying to get somewhere. - shiny indicator, some of these pokemon are impossible to tell apart (<strike>tandemouse</strike>). - Being able to see the previews of picnic items before you buy them like every other shop item??? - FOR MY POKEMON TO MATCH MY WALKING SPEED IN LETS GO MODE FOR THE LOVE OF GOD. YOU CANT PUT A POKEMON IN THE GAME THAT NEEDS WALKING TO EVOLVE AND THEN HAVE IT NEED TO GO BACK IN ITS POKEBALL EVERY 4 SECONDS.

I don't really have a closing note for this, it's just ramblings at 1am after having binged pokemon for the last week, but I do want to touch on the terastal/paradox pokemon designs. tbh I hateee how the terastal pokemon look. their hats are so so so so stupid looking. but, once I realized that you can change the tera typing, I'm not as mad about it. I get they can't do custom forms for every type for every pokemon, but God are the UGLYYYYY.

As for the paradox pokemon, they look cool, but I think with the premise of future pokemon, it would have been more interesting for them to be organic rather than robotic. I think there was supposed to be a theme of AI thru the game, bit they didn't really dive deep enough into that. It would have been much cooler for the pokemon to be like, crystallized somehow. bc of their relation to the tera crystals and all. idk, future = robots just feels uninspired. Buttttt, they look cool enough, and they paradoxed my fav pokemon, so I think I can let this slide. for now.

EDIT: after I hit post I remembered that Clavell said "cheugy" at me and it made me have to explain cheugy to my wife and I have never been so fucking blindsided by a video game

[qonqr]

QONQR 4.0

Greetings Players

It has been a very long time since my last formal update. I’ve been struggling with some tough decisions regarding QONQR over the past few years. The TL;DR; is that I’m working on QONQR again. I’m making efforts to keep it alive. The details follow. Warning: it is a lot of doom and gloom, but there is positivity at the end.

Some background and history

Version 2 and 3 of QONQR were written using a coding technology called Xamarin. It allowed us to write code once and run it on iPhone, Android and previously Windows Phone.  For a small company like ours, it wasn’t feasible to write the application 3 times for 3 different platforms. Xamarin was written on top of Microsoft’s technology, and Microsoft purchased Xamarin several years ago to make it the core of its cross-platform developer solution.

Several years ago, QONQR simply couldn’t pay my salary anymore. I started a new application with another entrepreneur and that project was also a cross-platform application, written in Xamarin, this time for PC and Mac. I’ll refer to this app as “NOTQONQR”.  For the past 10 years, I have worked in Xamarin on Android, iOS, MacOs, and Windows (and Windows Phone). Building cross platform software has become one of the most frustrating and unfulfilling career decisions I’ve made. I realized it wasn’t phone apps or gaming that was making me miserable. It was everything cross-platform and the dependency on multiple companies to make a good product so that I could in turn make a good product.

While things started out “OK”, building software in Xamarin over the past decade has destroyed my passion for building software. I, along with the developers I have worked with, had the attitude for years that the issues were the result of being on the cutting edge and early days of cross platform development. I lost that opinion years ago.  To this day, the outstanding bug list for Xamarin is thousands deep. Many of these bugs have been on the list for years, and now they will never be fixed.

While this sounds like a Xamarin issue, it is an industry issue. Look around at other cross platform solutions, and you’ll be hard pressed to find one that doesn’t have many hundreds or thousands of outstanding bugs on their public bug trackers. Building apps is a nightmare, it has been from the start. I have spent most of my development time on both projects the past 5 years fixing issues caused by big companies or governments. I can’t count how many times I spent my days fixing something that worked just fine 6 months ago, but now is broken because Apple, Google or Microsoft decided to do the exact same thing a different way, and now a rewrite is needed.  Governments around the world have passed laws making it harder for developers to build apps. Privacy laws have made it nearly impossible to keep predators, would-be hackers and toxic people out of an app. Governments and consumer advocacy groups are suing and fining Apple and Google at every opportunity. As a result, Apple and Google are making changes that satisfy the mob, but hurt developers like me. No smart developer would build a game like QONQR today. The things we did before to ensure the GPS coordinates were legitimate, people were actual people, and gameplay was fair have nearly all been removed from my toolkit, making it very hard to protect my good players from bad people.

To further the opinion that this is an industry problem, a friend of mine who is a well-known Android podcaster, author of several android developer books, and speaker and many large developer conferences recently made a blog post about the state of app development. He mentioned that he is seeing burn out in both Android and iOS camps. Developers are tired of fighting the issues and are leaving to become web developers or leaving all together. He even admitted that he thinks his days as a mobile developer are numbered, despite being an internationally known and industry respected mobile dev. Too many developers are exhausted from the continual churn of fixing things that shouldn’t need to be fixed.

My mental status the last few years

I frequently receive support emails berating me for allowing cheaters to cheat, including two emails last week from a long-time player demanding I either “fix my shitty app or shut it down.” Sadly, most of the perceived cheating isn't actually happening, and the small number issues that we are blocked from addressing are the result of Apple and Google, and many of them are in direct response to new laws and regulations that protect everyone, including criminals and predators, but not developers.

In the first 5 years of QONQR, I would regularly work from 7am to 2am multiple days a week. However, for the last 5 years I have been in a developer depression of sorts. I didn’t want to get out of bed. I would sit at my computer for hours, sometimes an entire day and struggle to write 10 lines of code. I’d find any excuse not to code. Everything I looked at was broken. Internet searches showed me never ending bug reports in Xamarin, Android and iOS, that went unfixed, and workarounds that must have worked at some point, but no longer work today. I hated the profession I had chosen, the technology stack I had invested my career in, and felt trapped by being tied to two applications that I had ownership of, and from which I couldn’t just quit and find a new job. My wife would ask me frequently to consider finding a career I thought I would enjoy and just give up software all together. Unfortunately, I simply didn’t have passion for anything outside of my volunteering as a high school robotics coach. That is a retirement, not a career move.

The technology situation today

Xamarin was declared “dead” by Microsoft a couple years ago. It was replaced by a technology called MAUI. In nearly all respect, MAUI is identical to Xamarin, but of course different enough. My fellow developer and I started migrating NOTQONQR from Xamarin to MAUI about 3 months ago. Early indications are that MAUI will have better performance and stability than Xamarin had. It seems to be slightly or moderately better in most cases.

For the developers reading this, I’ll get into some technical details in this paragraph, skip to the next if you aren’t a developer. We built the UI for both apps using code. XAML markup wasn’t even an option for years when QONQR staring using Xamarin. You needed to build your pages one element at a time using code. No markup, no layout tools. Many/most developers who have been using Xamarin for more than 5 years, probably built their UI using code, rather than markup, even after XAML became an option. For the NOTQONQR app, I spent a week in June and completely converted the code from the Xamarin framework to the MAUI framework. It was pretty easy to get to a point everything would compile. I was able to get tens of thousands of lines of UI code to compile in the new framework in a few days. When the app would run, we found lots of minor issues with layout. Things didn’t align quite right or wouldn’t become visible when they should have been shown. We came to the realization that we needed to completely rewire the UI in XAML, and could no longer draw our pages using code. The rendering engine was built for pre-compiling your page layout and it was clear Microsoft had not put much emphasis or testing on generating UI on the fly. It makes sense. Given the timelines the Microsoft developers were under, it was the right choice. Unfortunately, it took a few weeks migration and made it into a few months for those of us who started with Xamarin a decade ago. The effort to get to MAUI even though it is basically the same as Xamarin is a huge lift due to the age of our code.

I attempted to migrate QONQR to MAUI two years ago when Xamarin was declared “dead” and MAUI the new successor. At the time, MAUI could not play sounds, did not have notifications, and could not make an in-app purchase. The product was “ready for production” and completely unusable. I was stuck. There was no way I could migrate QONQR to MAUI and given my mental state, I just couldn’t force myself to push through the issues like I had in the past. That was a stopping point for me and QONQR. I’m sure all the players noticed nothing new was happening.

Fast forward two years, NOTQONQR must migrate. I wasn’t the only owner of the app and my partner company needed to make it work. We were looking at a complete rewrite of the app in a new language, or push through a MAUI migration.  So we revisited MAUI. Things are much better two years later.

When I started working in MAUI for the NOTQONQR app, it felt like home. I spent years working in XAML markup before Xamarin. MAUI made sense and seemed to work well. Yes there are still thousands of bugs on the backlog. This is frustrating but not new.

My attitude got better. I have spent several days in the past month working past midnight in MAUI. I’ve spent my weekends writing code. It has been a significant change from being unable to force myself to write code, to looking forward to it again. I can’t say that I love writing code again, but I do feel productive.

The future for QONQR

I’m up against a big deadline. Apps written in Xamarin have an end of the year deadline to be migrated to something else or stop working. I am getting notices that maps will stop working in the next version of iOS if I don’t update my controls, and an update isn’t possible in Xamarin. It is very possible the current version of QONQR will not work on the new iPhone or when everyone updates iOS.

I had planned to try and work on QONQR over the summer, but having a summer intern at NOTQONQR I needed to manage and that MAUI migration taking months more than planned took all my time away. Now that intern has returned to college, and the NOTQONQR migration can be wrapped up by the other developer on that team, I have told the owner of the NOTQONQR company I’m taking a month off work. I’ll be avoiding my other job to focus on QONQR.

Sadly, the first two weeks of the QONQR migration have been painful and slow. After two weeks of long days and weekends, I have the Welcome page, login and map working including the Android Anti-hacker security checks. That’s it. Some of the simple pages may work as is, with the basic migration, but all of the complicated pages (which is a lot of the app) will need a fresh start. For example, the launch page draws everything in the middle of the screen stacked on top of each other. Very little can be salvaged, I need to start over and build the screen from scratch. I think many of our pages may be this way.

Admittedly, I spent much of my time the past two weeks just trying to get the core of the app to work. A lot of the system stuff like local storage, notifications, sounds, colors, fonts, images, etc all had to be setup differently. I had to start with a completely new map. Animations never really worked well in Xamarin and they aren’t any better in MAUI. I’m taking them out everywhere I can since they have always been the source of most crashes. Today I have a running app in MAUI, but it doesn’t do much yet. The past two weeks have shown me this looks possible to complete before the end of the year.

Beta release of QONQR 4.0.

Distribution: If/when I get to that point, the beta would be available through Google Play and Apple App Store and you would need to opt-in to the beta program. I previously had been using Microsoft’s App Center for pre-release versions of the app for player testing. That has been shut down. The only good option available is to release through the stores, which requires official (and long) app reviews on Apple, even for a test release. You won’t be able to run the beta side by side with QONQR 3.X

Barebones: Registration may have to be done online in the early releases. Upgrades and ordnances may also have to be purchased one the web portal. Probably no notifications.

No Chat: Right now, I am planning to remove chat from the app. The US Senate passed a bill in July that would make me responsible for anything posted in my app by a user. While this bill is unlikely to become law, it is a sign of further punishing app developers, but not giving us the tools to keep bad people out of our apps. I will replace chat with a link to the “Unofficial Community Discord”.  It is unclear how this potential law may impact the forums should something similar become law in the future.

Launch: I’m going to do my best to get something like the old launch screen working, but it may be just the simple launch screen to start. Whatever I come up with, I hope it will be temporary. A big challenge with QONQR is hackers attempting to automate launching. While I have some ways of stopping that after a few hours the current “are you human”, takes hours to have an impact. I’d like to redo this screen so that it requires more than just tapping in the same spot over and over to launch. No one likes change, but I hope you like cheaters less. I’ll do my best to come up with something players will tolerate but is harder to automate.

Messaging: Player to Player messaging may eliminate the use of the custom emoji packs we have sold. This will simplify the complexity of this screen and message passing. If you purchased one of these emoji packs, you will receive a bundle of cubes as compensation. I won’t know for sure if we are removing the packs until I get in there and attempt to migrate.

Sync Lock Mini Game: This unfortunately needs to stay as our only reasonable way to combat multi-scoping. I am well aware this still hurts families, but I don’t have an alternative giving the privacy laws the EU and US have enacted that prevent me from taking better measures. This is a very complex UI and I’m concerned about the effort it will take to migrate.

No music: I don’t think I’m going to migrate the background music. I think it is time to let this go. Background audio is hard and inconsistent.

Skins: This seems unlikely. The library I used in Xamarin to tint images doesn’t work on Maui. I don’t have plans to work on a replacement until everything else is working.

New features: None are planned yet, but the largest roadblock to new features in the past 3 years was the knowledge that anything we built was being built on a dead coding platform. If the migration succeeds, that roadblock will be gone.

Can developers help?

Many have asked me if they can help or if I can make QONQR open source. Sadly, I don’t think this is a viable path forward. Exposing all of the code would make it a trivial matter for a hacker to bypass all the protections in the app and automate and manipulate everything except buying cubes. Even if I went to the effort to pull out the secret code that stops hacking the app, any developer who worked on the code would be perceived a cheater. There are too many instances in the past where a player I asked for advice or tips, claimed to be a QONQR developer and claimed to have a special build and/or free cubes. This has never been true, but if people think their opponent is cheating they stop playing or stop spending money that is needed to keep the servers alive. The past has shown that letting anyone have even a little access never ends well.

Even today, with as hard as it is to stop hackers and cheaters the impact is much smaller than most people believe. Yes, some players are probably cheating their location, but they are put into overheat penalty on their scope when they do. They can deploy in two locations, but deploy fewer bots than if they stayed in one spot. I get many emails with “proof” that someone is cheating. Most of the claims don’t hold up when investigated. There are certainly limits on what I can do, but the perception of people cheating is much much higher than actual instances we have uncovered. Every day, I receive dozens of automated notices where QONQR code blocked devices that had a hacked version of the game, attempts to steel cubes, GPS spoofing penalized, too many failed launch verification, and players switching devices too frequently. There are many many cheater detections in place and they are working. For the most part, the biggest problem with cheating isn’t that it is happening, but that players think it is happening much more often than it really is. Giving anyone access to even part of the code would only make this problem worse.

In Reflection

Next week, it will be 14 years since the name “QONQR” came out of Justin’s mouth at a Starup Weekend competition. So much has happened in that time. There was a time when I felt like it was going to be time to turn off the servers because profits had gone negative. Then Gmenman goes and gets a huge damned Legion tattoo. There was no way it could be shut down in the months after that. A while later, profits got a little better and the servers were safe again. A few years ago, I posted a fairly negative blog post about how things were going, hinting that things may finally be coming to an end. The next day I received a heartfelt thank you message from a player who had shared that she struggled in her real life and QONQR was the first place where people accepted her as the person she was, and didn’t judge her as they did in the real world. She thanked me for making a safe place for her to be her true self. There was no way I was going to take that away from her, so I kept the servers up. TotallyGomer and YellerCukes both shared with me their appreciation for QONQR as a way to stay in touch with their friends and the outside world before their passings. This will forever be something I’m proud to have provided. Together we have grieved the untimely losses of several players, and the memorials show how much they are missed. Players have been through so many challenges in their lives, with QONQR friends supporting them along the way.

The necessity to either rewrite QONQR or shut it down has been looming over me for months. It doesn’t make financial sense for me to stop working at my other job and spend months rewriting the QONQR app to keep this going. The smart thing would be to shut it down and move on. Focus on something new and leave behind all the issues of mobile gaming, government regulations, and abusive mobile marketplaces.  But…  the smart decision has been the wrong decision too many times before.

QONQR is too much of who I am, who you are, who we are. I’m going to try. QONQR may be always full of issues. It may have fewer features than in the past, but I’m going to try and keep the heart of what QONQR has always been in the new version. I can’t promise it will be done soon and can’t even tell you it will keep working on your current or new device in the coming months. However, I’m here today to tell you, QONQR is too important to let go, and I’m working on keeping it going until I find it just isn’t possible. I now believe I can make it work. I ask for your understanding and patience as the 4.0 beta moves forward.

For those that continue to buy cubes, thanks for keeping the servers alive.

-Scott (aka Silver)

[nomimits7]

~Happy~ | 4

With the air, like I don't care, baby by the way

Title: Happy

Pairing: Yoongi x OT6

Warnings: Manipulation. Gaslighting. Violence? Guns. rich people have no laws. It's kind of noncon, but not that sexual? Panic attack! If I missed something, let me know

Summary: In a world where Auras can be seen, Yoongi lives a peaceful life as a broke, young adult. He attends Uni just so he can get into an internship to escape his current life. What he doesn't know is that six others are looking for him. They want him. They need him and they will have him. Forming a rainbow would give them all the power they could dream of.

Yoongi had a headache. He felt disorientated and a bit groggy as he slowly came back to reality from his impromptu nap. He could feel a hand in his hair and a warm heat under his cheek. He tried to shuffle closer to the source. A distant chuckle along with a muttered cute was the final push he needed to open his eyes. 

It was dark. The lights of the room seemed to be dimmed. He belatedly realized that he wasn’t sitting on the couch anymore, but he had somehow migrated into someone's lap. He was physically being cradled in someone's arms, like a small child. It felt oddly familiar to what he experienced in that car.

To his utter relief, his temporary bed was just Jungkook. Why this made him feel relief he had no idea. It could be the fact that he was familiar with the younger, which in itself was a hundred times better than waking up in someone's lap he didn’t know. He knew that from experience. The younger also didn’t seem to mind that much. He protectively held Yoongi in his arms. His one arm was around Yoongi’s back as the other supported his butt. As if Yoongi was someone who needed protection from the big scary world. 

Future Yoongi would most probably question his every life decision at this moment, but as for the present Yoongi, he was way too tired and spiritually drained to even think twice before he wined softly and tried to cuddle more into the other neck. Perhaps to get more sleep, or to hide from the world, either of those could work. Yoongi had no idea if it was because of Jungkooks aura color or what, but the younger was pleasantly warm and he would be an idiot not to take full advantage of that. 

“Oh my goodness he is just precious” Someone cooed in the once-silent room. 

“Shh, He’s had a long day. Let him sleep. I have a sinking suspicion that he hasn’t been sleeping well the last couple of days and what happened just made it ten times worse” Someone else hissed. 

The voices sounded familiar. Yoongi wasn’t exactly sure who they were, but he knew that they were people he have met at least once in his life. It was enough of a realization to pull Yoongi out of the in-between awake and sleeping space he found himself drifting into. 

The lighting hasn’t changed when he opens his eyes again. He made brief eye contact with Jungkook (Which he was still being held by). The younger looked like a deer caught in headlights as he stared at Yoongi. Yoongi didn’t pay him any mind. His attention was drawn to the blue hue that came from the other side of the room. 

The stranger from the train was there. He was sitting on the opposite side of the room with his legs spread wide as he leaned forward on them with his elbows. His face didn’t show any signs that he wanted to intimidate anyone, but the rest of his body wasn’t as friendly. He looked like the mafia boss wannabe portraits you can find on TikTok. 

Yoongi’s eyes must have been huge if the grin that spread on the stranger's face was anything to go by. Strangely enough, the stranger didn’t say anything. He just gazed at Yoongi with a strange glint in his eyes. 

“Yoongi?” Hoseoks voice came from the side. It nearly gave Yoongi a heart attack as he slightly jumped in Jungkooks lap as his head swirled to the side. Hoseok was still seated by the computer setup in his yellow shining glory Yoongi left him in before his impromptu nap. 

“Hi, sleepy head. Are you feeling better? We were scared you died on us there with how unmoving you were on the couch. You gave Jungkookie here a very big scare. So much so that he picked you up to make sure you were okay” Hoseok giggled as he smiled his brilliantly bright smile at the other. 

“Hey, I don’t want to go to jail because he doesn’t know how to take a nap like a normal person” Jungkook grumbled as his arms tightened slightly around Yoongi. Yoongi had a suspicion that he wouldn’t be getting up any time soon. He knew his limits and Jungkook was the last person he wanted to fight with. He chooses life, thank you very much. 

“Oh Hobi, don’t lie to the cutie. We all know Jungkook has a soft spot for anything small and cute. He probably just gave into his urge to hog him” The stranger said with a laugh. This made Jungkook protest very loudly as Yoongi turned a very deep shade of red at the implication that he was the said small and cute thing. 

“Like you wouldn’t have done the same if you were here!” Jungkooks voiced out accusingly. Not doing anything to deny the stranger's claims. Yoongi was slightly surprised at this. Asshole Jungkook? The guy that gave his shoulder a bump so strong it could cause worlds to grumble? The same guy that clearly didn't like Yoongi when they first met officially? Liking something cute and soft? No way.

“Oh, but I did. Did you guys not hear about the train incident?” The stranger said. He sounded kind of smug like he had just won first place or something. 

“No way. You were there? But you don’t take the tra- Ouch! What was that for?” Jungkook complained as he slightly bent forward to rub at his shin. Yoongi naturally bends with his body, putting him in a very uncomfortable position. Maybe his aura color has been wrong all along. Maybe he was meant to be red with how much he has been blushing. 

“Yes, I WAS there. I helped a very small and pretty-looking person there. But they disappeared from my car. If I knew it was one of your friends I would have insisted on bringing him here” The stranger said. 

“No way!” Hoseok and Jungkook said as they stared at Yoongi. Yoongi didn’t know what to say. He had told them what happened but he had no idea that they knew the kind stranger that saved him from the train. If he had he most probably wouldn’t have made a run for it. 

“I didn’t know you knew each other. I probably wouldn’t have run away if I knew” Yoongi said. He felt… guilty for not telling them. Not that he could have because he didn’t know himself, but it made him feel as if he did something wrong. 

“It’s okay. I would have introduced you anyway. Seokjin here is the CEO of this company. I have been playing some of your projects we get as ‘referral’ material in the lectures to him” Hoseok said. He sounded proud of the fact that Yoongi somehow ended up meeting this Seokjin without any introduction. 

“Wait. Did he make those tracks? He’s Agust D? This is fantastic! I would love a producer like that at my company. Yoongi? Right Yoongi, why haven’t you applied to my company? I would have hired you on the spot. Your work is top-tier” Seokkjin said. 

“I did. I applied everywhere, but because I haven’t done the aura course my application never made it past the first stage. It was almost thrown out immediately” Yoongi said. He knew this because he sometimes saw how they threw out his resume seconds after he left. 

“That is outrageous. I will look into it. In the meantime, could you make a demo track for me? You can use the studio if you need to. I would love to listen to it and I need something to convince Namjoon to hire you as a producer. Maybe we could even make your internship shorter. Hell, we might skip it all together. I already have a few projects I want you to work on. Namjoon is the only obstacle, but if your demo is anything like what Hoseok played us that won’t be a problem. I might be the CEO, but he is the one calling the shots. What do you say Yoongi? Do you want to work?” Seokjin said as he glanced back at Yoongi. 

He was practically handing Yoongi’s dream to him on a silver platter. Of course, Yoongi would say yes. He needed this. This job would be the turning point for Yoongi. He was practically vibrating with ideas. His fingers itch to get started on the demo. He couldn’t believe that his entire life could change within the next few weeks if he got this demo right. Everything he gave up could finally pay off. 

***

“Blues are a very unique aura. They are calming colors, yes, but there is so much more to blues than what meets the eye. They have profound meanings when it comes to emotions. This also ties into one of their abilities. But we’ll get to that later. Blue overall is a rare color to get in nature in the natural aspect. In the Old Ancient World, it is believed that blue was a preferred color to wear by most Ancient societies. 

It’s believed that blue was a very expensive color to wear due to its complicated crafting method. This gave Blue the symbolism of wealth, power, and nobility. Once people found easier ways to make blue, it was associated with calmness and peace. They are non-aggressive people that encourage serenity and tranquility amongst their peers. 

Having a blue aura in your circle or rainbow would almost guarantee peace. Blues are the best medicine for any emotional distress. They are highly valued in society today especially because they are more on the rarer side of the known auras. 

I already know you all are wondering about the so-called evil part of Blues so I will tell you to get it out of the way. They were believed to suppress appetite. It was also believed that Blues could manipulate other aura's emotions into their own desired emotion. This extended to mind control of some sort. They were also believed to bring sadness and a sense of false calm to anyone they so desired. But this is untrue. A lot of research has been done and they do not possess those gifts. 

Blue was also associated with law enforcement before the auras. It was a sign of someone who could protect and serve. The colour is associated with trust and dependability to this day and most people with blue auras have higher positions because of that. They were made to be at the top and guard the rest of the auras. 

Now, as I see no blue auras in class I will give you a summary of their supposed personality traits. This way I can’t offend anyone and you all get to learn more about them. Blues are said to be confident. They display strength and mostly motivate others. They are honest and trustworthy when they are given any responsibility. Even if they are confident some of the Blues can be considered as Introverts. Some Blues prefer to keep to themselves. They are loyal and good listeners and it is said that they are excellent partners to any other aura color. 

They can sometimes be stubborn, but that comes with the responsibility they are often given. Blues are a very important part of society. They are respected and for good reason. If you are ever so lucky to meet a Blue. be respectful and know how honored you are. 

Right, next week we’ll go over violets and then we’ll get to the last two colors. Green and indigo and we’ll go into why they are almost non-existent! Goodbye everyone” Professor Choi said as he left the class. Most students didn’t immediately move. The professor didn’t even stop to ask any questions this time around. Heck, Yoongi wouldn’t be surprised if he just showed them a video on Violets next time instead of teaching as he should. 

Yoongi couldn’t complain too much. He wanted to hop over to the studio as fast as possible. Hoseok was almost done with his final project (He wanted to add his own voice as vocals) and then Yoongi could begin his own work on his demo. He has started on his own shitty computer, but he could already hear how much better he could make his track with the equipment at the studio. 

Jungkook said he’d give him a ride to the studio as he needed to be there as well. Yoongi had, as expected, developed an irrational fear of the train since that fated day. He would much rather walk than ever step foot on a train again. Even if it would take him more than two hours. 

It was strange how that one night in the studio with Yoongi sleeping on the younger, literally changed their whole dynamic. Jungkook was like an overgrown wolf pup. He constantly followed Yoongi around after classes and he literally growled at anyone who even looked in his direction. He also became much more touchy. He more than once has taken Yoongi under his arms (Yoongi was really small, and he secretly loved it) or he would just drape himself over Yoongi’s back. 

Yoongi didn’t mind. He had no idea how friends worked but he was almost certain that if he would say anything to the younger he would pull back and go back to being an asshole. Yoongi didn’t want that and it was kind of nice to feel someone as big as Jungkook on your back. He felt protected and kind of loved. 

Yoongi felt wanted. And that was all he ever wanted.

Chapter 5

[chcsinghcppiness]

______________________________________________________________

name:  Henrik Andrew White

age: 29

occupation: tutor

sexuality: straight

status: single

current location: usa

shipping status: open

Henrik  is the first born son of twins. He’s four minutes older than his brother Alec. He grew up along with his family in Brighton, England. the relationship to his parents had always been good. While his mother was always there for them, giving them love and support, his father had trouble showing love, and being there for his kids. After his father had lost his job, his problem with alcohol got worse and so did his issueS with anger. Eric White had always been a rather harsh father, very strict when it came to rules and those the boys broke or went against. Henrik may never had been the toughest one but he was playing the big or older brother role well. He was looking out for Alec wherever he could. It started rather quickly that he was not only abusive towards their mother but also his sons. And whenever Alec had been a upsetting his father again, Henrik stepped between them. He knew Alec looked up to him but he never saw it as a big deal. He just did what seemed right, what had to be done. Henrik wanted to protect at least him if he couldn’t protect their mother. That’s how he got different bruises on his body from all the things his father did to him. The baddest one he got right on his chest where his father once slid him to prove he had the power over him. Henrik never wasted a thought of how dangerous this actually was for him or what might could've happened. All he wanted was to protect his brother. He knew that’s what heroes did, at least those in the comics he read. Nevertheless, he never admitted that he was actually very afraid of their father. A couple years later, the boys had just turned eight, Eric lost his life in a car accident due to drunken driving. While it had been a shock at first, the small family was able to finally feel free. There was no fear anymore. Finally, they were able to live. 

As older as they got, Henrik decided to focus more on school. He stayed home, studying and making sure he put all his time into his education. He always enjoyed the thought of maybe becoming a teacher or even better a professor one day. And his mother always supported him on that. After his brother got in trouble nearly every day and his mother made the decision to send him off to America, Henrik decided to go with him. He knew he couldn’t leave his brother alone and that he needed to have an eye on him. After all, he wanted to protect him even if Alec turned out to be much stronger than him now. And separating twins had never been a good decision. Instead of accepting to study at Cambridge, he started off fresh in America. His school days had never been easy. Alec had been the populrar twin of the two, also the more attractive one. It seemed ridiculous to him, they both look exactly the same and still, people made fun of him.

College brought the two boys back together. Meeting up every week for pizza to chat, Henrik supported Alec within his whole change. While his brother started focusing on his music career, Henrik found his true passion in archaeology. And college showed him there were people who liked him for who he was. The once so shy and reserved boy turned out to be very adventureous. He started going to the gym, boxing becominga passion of him too. Henrik replaced his glasses with contacts, cut his hair and started wearing it losely wihtout trying to hold his curls back. Later on, he becomes one of the youngest professors that ever taught at a university. 

[thereisanangelinyou]

Hello dears,

How are you?

Stream of consciousness below about life changes and everything that's happened lately.

I've had a lot of changes in my life recently. A few months ago I moved in with my partner, got a job four days later. Then I was sick for four weeks straight with three different ailments. Now I am on the mend and nearly back to full health thankfully.

My boyfriend and I have made many changes to each others life through this whole process. He has me interested in more games and media and I have him excited about plants and trying new things. We are opposites only in our methods of relaxing- he likes to lounge and I like to get out. Otherwise we match nearly perfectly on every matter. In way it works out- he gets me to slow down, relax my body and mind when needed. And I get him up and moving and out of the house when he needs it (or I am antsy and he tags along lol).

I work at sweets bakery now. I make cakes and cupcakes and cookies all day long and while I don't even really love our products I am happy to be learning. There is so much I want to do- to learn and try out.

I've been a lot happier since moving. Less lows and when they come they don't last so long. But I am having another problem. We are in city- a very small, southern one but still a city. My body has become used to well water, to living surrounded by trees and wild flowers. To waking up and feeding the chickens. To rounding them up at night and feeding the dog and cat. I didn't feel the best mentally there but was spiritual connection. In that area I often felt isolated, life the spirit of nature there was stagnant- and I still believe that- but I do miss how easy it was to enter nature and disconnect from the world there even if it wasn't fully the spiritual connection I was seeking. But I bring this up because there is nothing here of connection. The trees don't breath the same way. And while nature here grows beautifully it doesn't feel right. I worry wherever I go it will never feel right. I know I made the right decision moving here and being with my boyfriend but I am eager for us to eventually relocate. But the thing there is he wants big city and convenience while I want space and self reliance. We will compromise and make it work but it does make things a little harder in that sense. No matter where we are though- we are happy together.

I've been trying to buy cleaner and "healthier" options when I can- whether food or decor or what have you. There are so many farms in neighboring towns and cities and no where here sells local produce which baffles me. There is a farmers market but I work on the one day it's open. Though I've been eating better and working more and exercising more that I have in the last few years- I've gained weight. Belly fat and extra jiggle on my arms and thighs. I'm not really upset about it- just a little confused. It will move the more fit I become so I do not worry myself over it. Even if I were not to lose it I am just thankful I have a relatively healthy body.

I got some furniture for the apartment recently too- a rack for our eventual fishtank and terrarium, a table for our window garden that is expanding with something new every week it seems, and a bakers rack for the kitchen which I am so happy about! I think that's all I have for this stream of consciousness- I feel sort of in a rut- but I've been out all day today doing whatever and going wherever and I feel a little bit better. But I digress.

I hope you are well and have a good week dear xx

[ledenews]

Dr. Bill Mercer: 'If You Are Homeless, You Don’t Live Very Long'

There was a man who lived under the Market Street Bridge in Center Wheeling for two years without anyone really knowing he was there. His shelter was sturdied by scraps of plywood, his floor was partially carpeted, and his fireplace was small and purposely directional for personal heat only. He was homeless because he experienced financial hardship but, according to Dr. Bil Mercer of Project Hope, the man eventually qualified for public housing and has since moved on with his life. “He’s one of our best success stories,” said Mercer, a recent “public service” inductee into the Wheeling Hall of Fame. “But after he left the area for his new home, other people moved in under the bridge and that’s when the big fire happened that closed the bridge last summer, and that was because of a turf battle; one group going against another. This large encampment was removed lost year after complaints were received concerning criminal activity. “That’s happened more than once here, and once a camp has been ransacked and cut up, the only option is to clear it out,” said Mercer, a recent “public service” inductee into the Wheeling Hall of Fame. “But we’ve also had homeless encampments cleared here for no reason other than it exists, and those clearings have only hurt the people who are just trying to survive.” The Market Street Bridge remains closed with no timeframe for reopening announced by the W.Va. Division of Highways. The bridge, constructed with an experimental polymer material, was damaged by the large blaze and was immediately blocked to traffic.  A more recent nighttime fire was reported this past week under the Chapline Street Bridge, and fire investigators reported signs of a homeless encampment beneath the span. “There are not many good situations when it involves homelessness, and every situation is different, that’s for sure,” Mercer said. “I just hope we can do better this year when it comes to clearing camps again because there is data that shows that when an encampment is cleared, the health issues get much worse. “I just think we have to remember that mental health and drug abuse play factors with what happens in these camps. I know some people don’t remember a thing about what has happened because they were on meth at the time. It’s not a good situation for anyone.” Dr. Mercer has treated people in many different homeless encampments, including those located along the Ohio River. Ever Changing Faces There are nearly 600,000 Americans experiencing homelessness today in the United States, and the numbers only have risen during the last decade, according to the federal Centers for Disease and Prevention. California and New York possess the top two homeless populations. West Virginia is 43rd and Ohio is ranked 10th. The Buckeye State, the CDC reported, has slightly more than 10,000 people who live homelessly, and West Virginia registered under 1,500 residents without homes. The East Wheeling and downtown areas are populated by a number of non-profits that offer homeless services, including the Catholic Charities Neighborhood Center, the Greater Wheeling Soup Kitchen, Youth Services System, the House of Hagar, and the Wheeling Homeless Coalition. The country’s drug epidemic is a primary reason for homelessness, Mercer said, and so are mental health, poverty, and domestic violence. Very rarely has Mercer encountered people living homeless in Wheeling because they WANT to live homeless in Wheeling. Local residents have voiced concerns over the litter that has collected near past encampments. “We have some young homeless now who have told us they’ve made the decision not to work and pay bills like everyone else and instead live in a tent and eat for free,” the general physician said, “We don’t get a lot of it, but some have said they are here because everything is free. Some people love living in their tents and once you’ve done that for five or six years, it is your new normal.” The vast majority of those currently living along the banks of the Ohio River and Big Wheeling Creek, or along the hillside above East Wheeling, are between the ages of 26 and 38, Mercer estimated. This spring, though, the doctor has noticed an infusion of youth. “One reason we see younger people living in the tents now is because if you are homeless, you don’t live very long. We had 13 deaths last year,” he reported. “I have not known too many of our homeless who have gotten passed the age of 58, and this year we’re seeing a lot of people in their 20s and their 30s because some are runaways and some made the mistake of getting into the drugs at early ages. “Like I said, I just hope we can do better this year,” Mercer added. “I hope we can help more people than we ever have before.” Read the full article

[imaginesfordifferentfandoms]

I Have Found You

Click here for my masterlist.

Add yourself to my taglist.

Aaron Hotchner Taglist - @braelyniskool, @canadailluminate, @filmsbyblair, @ready-4-spencie, @mrs-scottmccall, @j-cat, @cinderellacauseshebroke, @black-rose-29

Prompt - I have for the first time found what I can truly love. I have found you.

—————————————————–

You and Aaron had had a long week at work, each on separate cases but both equally as drained as the other. Your job saw you travelling to and from New York each day, working for one of the states best law firms, it was hard working your way up but you did it and now you were dealing with high profile cases day in and day out.

This case was particularly gruelling but it was finally finished and you had won. It was a small victory for the family but it was a victory nonetheless.

Aaron was working on his own case, he had been in Las Vegas for the past four days dealing with a serial killer who was targeting families. The unsub was organised, too organised, and more families were killed before they finally caught a break. From there it had been a matter of hours before they caught the man and the team was back on the jet.

Aaron finished up on the phone before dropping down into his seat beside Rossi who raised an eyebrow at him.

“Short of an emergency we all have Friday and Monday off, I don’t want to see any of you for four days.” Aaron announced to the jet, smiling as it was filled with cheers and laughter.

“So, big plans?” Rossi asked, smirking at Aaron who just rolled his eyes.

“I plan on doing absolutely nothing.” Aaron replied with a smile, already thinking of how great it would be to spend a long weekend with you and Jack, it had been far too long. He had already spoken to you and upon hearing the good news of your case asked if you could get two days off and thanked god that you could.

“I hear you, man.” Derek spoke up from opposite Rossi. “Four whole days of nothing but me and my girl.”

“What about you, kid?” Rossi asked, looking at Spencer who sat opposite Aaron.

“There’s a film festival I really wanted to go to actually, it's showing a bunch of different films in their original language.” Spencer told him and the grin on his face was enough to stop any teasing.

“Have a good time, pretty boy.” Derek smiled back, ruffling the younger man's hair causing him to pout.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile at the scene but as much as he loved this family, he couldn’t wait to get back home to you and Jack.

-

“How hard can cupcakes be, right?” You asked Jack, who stood on a chair in front of the counter. The two of you were staring at the ingredients that were spread out, not knowing where to start. When you suggested Jack make something for Aaron you were thinking more along the lines of a picture but when the kid suggested cupcakes well…you really wanted cupcakes.

“Right.” Jack agreed, grinning up at you.

Turns out it was harder to make cupcakes than either of you thought.

Aaron walked into the house, smiling immediately as he heard Jack giggling madly. He was quick to follow the noise but stopped abruptly as he stared into the kitchen.

“Daddy!” Jack yelled, quickly scrambling off the chair and throwing himself at Aaron who caught him and lifted him with ease despite the cupcake mixture that stuck to his clothes, face and hair.

“Hey buddy,” He grinned, turning his attention to you. There you stood, cupcake mix splatter on your face, in your hair and on your shirt. You looked dejected as you held an electric mixer, clearly the culprit of the cupcake explosion. “It looks like you and Y/N are having fun.” He said with a laugh, watching how you pouted up at him.

“We were gonna make cupcakes for you, daddy, but Y/N put it on too high.” Jack informed Aaron, giggling madly as he did.

“I didn’t know!” You defended, there was a reason you weren’t trusted in the kitchen.

Aaron’s smile grew and he couldn’t wait any longer to move closer to you, the hand that didn’t hold Jack caressed your cheek and he brought you in for a soft kiss. It didn’t last long, how could it with Jack laughing and making kissing noises, but the two of you pulled away with matching, love struck smiles before you and Jack began laughing together at the cupcake batter that was now perched on Aaron’s nose.

He rolled his eyes but couldn’t fight back the smile.

“Alright, alright,” he said, gaining both of your attention, “how about you two get cleaned up and we can all go out for dinner and then get some cupcakes, hm? That sound good?” He asked Jack who nodded with a grin and squirmed for Aaron to put him down. Once he did, Jack shot off to his bedroom and Aaron turned his attention to you.

“You can’t of thought that was a good idea.” He said as he wrapped his arms around your waist, leaning in to steal another kiss.

“The kid said cupcakes, who was I to say no?” You responded when he pulled away, giggling as he trailed kisses to your jaw and then peppered them down your neck.

Your eyes closed as you tilted your head back, giving the man more access and you couldn’t help but whine as he pulled away. The whine quickly turned into a laugh as he leaned closer and licked a blob of batter that had stuck to your neck.

“Go clean up, baby.” He said before kissing your head and untangling himself from you.

You and Jack were quick to clean yourselves up and soon you were all out the door and heading to a restaurant that you often frequented when you had Jack.

-

It felt like forever since you had been out with the Hotchner boys and you enjoyed every minute of it, no annoying work calls pulling one of you away, no looming threat of Aaron being called to a different state. No, just you, Aaron and Jack going out together, eating good food, catching up with each other properly.

It was wonderful.

“Cupcakes now daddy?” Jack asked as the waitress cleared the plates.

“Yeah, cupcakes now daddy?” You echoed with a smirk watching as Aaron playfully glared at you.

“Sure thing buddy,” He said to Jack, causing you to let out a quiet laugh. “Pick which one you want.”

Aaron couldn’t tell you who smiled wider when dessert was brought out, you or Jack. Both of you tucked in with the same hunger and he just smiled at the scene.

When you and Aaron had first met, it was to do with a case he was working on. He never expected it to blossom into this. The friendship was unexpected but not unwelcome and then before either of you had realised it you had developed feelings for one another.

You were quite a bit younger than him and he was hesitant to bring the feelings up, not understanding what you could possibly see in an older, divorced, single father.

That was the other issue, sure you knew about Jack but there was a difference between knowing about him and wanting to be a part of his life and as much as Aaron had liked you he knew he couldn’t bring somebody into his life who couldn’t accept Jack.

So the pining went on for months as Aaron made the decision for you that you didn’t want to be burdened with a child that wasn’t yours. And when you finally pulled Aaron’s head out of his arse and made him talk about the feelings between you, you could have slapped him silly.

Sure kids weren’t exactly your forte but you’d at least have liked the chance to decide that. From there Aaron had introduced you to Jack after the two of you went on a few dates. The two of you decided the best place would be out in public, a little less daunting and that’s how you ended up at the zoo.

Jack had warmed up to you rather quickly and you surprised yourself with how good you were with him. Eventually it was Jack asking if you could have a sleepover at their house rather than Aaron trying to explain that you might be there in the morning sometimes.

Aaron was so glad you had talked him out of his own head way back when, and as he watched you with Jack, he knew, not that there was any doubt, that he’d made the right choice.

-

“Can we watch a movie?” Jack asked as the three of you entered the house.

“Buddy, it’s nearly bedtime.” Aaron reminded him as he took your coat from you before taking his own off.

“Please daddy,” Jack pleaded, turning on the puppy dog eyes, “I’ll brush my teeth and put my pyjamas on.”

He looked at you but you were looking down at Jack with a soft smile and he couldn’t say no if he wanted to.

“Deal, teeth and pyjamas, we’ll meet back here in five.” Aaron said and grinned as Jack took off running.

“C’mere baby,” He mumbled as he pulled you closer to him, wrapping you up in his arms. “I missed you so much.”

“Missed you too.” You confessed into his chest before titling your head up. Aaron was quick to turn his head, leaning down and capturing your lips in a soft, slow kiss. When he pulled away he didn’t go far, resting his head on your forehead.

“Can’t wait to have you all to myself these next few days.” He told you quietly, fingers brushing against your waist.

“Me neither, it’s going to be heaven.” You replied, matching both his tone and the smile on his face.

“Daddy,” Jack’s voice pulled you away from each other and you turned to see the kid grinning up at Aaron showing his freshly brushed teeth and proudly wearing his Captain America pyjamas. “You and Y/N/N need your pyjamas too.”

“Of course we do!” You exclaimed, taking Aaron’s hand in yours and pulling him towards the bedroom with instructions for Jack to put a movie on.

“Really can’t wait to have you all to myself.” Aaron said again as he watched you pull your shirt over your head.

“Down boy.” You laughed, throwing the shirt at him.

Watching you undress made Aaron long to touch you but seeing you dressed in his clothes, sweatpants that were way too big for you and a college shirt that drooped off your shoulders was somehow infinitely sweeter.

“I love you.” He told you, pulling you close to place a kiss on your exposed shoulder.

“I love you too.” You smiled before turning around and kissing him. “Get changed.” You ordered.

“Yes ma’am.” Aaron laughed but did as you said.

Aaron couldn’t help but smile as he held his family in his arms. Jack was half in your lap and half in Aarons and you were sat flushed against him, head resting on his shoulder and your hand holding Jack’s leg.

The movie was still playing but Jack was fast asleep against his chest and you were pretty close to following. Despite that though, Aaron couldn’t bring himself to move and send you both to bed. Instead he tightened his grip on both of you, smiling as you cuddled further into him.

This, this was all he needed, you and Jack by his side. His little family, both of whom had been through so much. All he wanted to do was protect both of you and he would, god would he do anything to protect the pair of you.

You were one of the best things that had happened to him, he had known it since the day he had met you and he had known it two weeks ago when the team finished a case in California and he walked into the jewellers to buy the ring and he knew it now, looking down at you holding onto him and Jack.

He knew you were the best thing to happen to him in a really long time and he would forever be thankful that he had found you.