#need to control how people interpret what i say so i overexplain everything

[catboydan]

your tags made me laugh "unfortunately he cannot stop talking". this is so true. he wants so badly for his relationship with Phil to be ambiguous but he makes it so obvious what's going on bc he just never shuts up about it. I think it's funny that Phil said Dan crushes on mysterious bad boys bc that's so clearly what he wants to be. Unfortunately Dan is an open book and Phil is the actual mysterious one

^ tags in question for reference, on this post

omg yeah the fact that he yearns for the mysterious men is so funny like he wants what they have. unfortunately some facts about dan:

he over-explains because he doesn't like what he says to be misconstrued (me too bestie)

he was deeply anxious about his straight facade breaking but--

he doesn't like lying about himself to people because it feels inauthentic, something he values greatly

he doesn't want to have to explain everything but his need to control the narrative overwrote that want, up until recently

he just has a lot to say tbh. bit of a chatterbox. we love it

it's not even just about dnp's relationship either. that's why his videos like BIG and Why I Quit Youtube are so long. if he's diving into something, he has to break down every explanation he gives such that it can't possibly be construed in a way different than how he intends it. communication doesn't work that way tho and that's something he (and I) have both had to learn to accept.

unfortunately you can't be aloof and mysterious and also be authentic and up-front about yourself at the same time

[bandofchimeras]

okay this is a long shot but wondering if anyone can help me, a brain dramaged autistic person, work backwards on how to change this dynamic (as in be willing to talk me thru this)

so posting ANYTHING on facebook fills me with horrific anxiety. i don't know where it comes from or who exactly i am afraid of. suspect its that there are too many different kinds of ppl from different parts of my life on there. i once tried sorting them out into audiences who would be comfy with specific topics and themes but its a messy system & didn't work for long. so there are people who i've had added for a long time, that i worry about how they'll interpret what i say (like because of autism, i make faux pas a lot and people get hostile and misinterpret) but i don't exactly want to un-add them, which signifies end of friendship. or like we don't get to see eachother's lives. I also have a few family members left on there which leads me to selfi -censor sexual posts which all the lefty shitposters share openly. i'm probably overthinking this but i get very little engagement on fb despite having a lot of friends on there and that makes posting feel even worse (like people are seeing it and not commenting/reacting) and i see plenty of other folks with large, robust, supportive followings of friends and family. so my brain goes into overdrive like how do they manage that. i guess they don't give a fuck? or what? i understand i can't control if people like me or engage with my content. and that i could just stop posting

but facebook historically has been where i post fundraisers and when i need help. i'm slowly building irl support system but i wonder if there's any way to salvage this. i don't like who i am on there it throws me into mega mega anxiety mode and i overexplain and feel bound to my past selves. but if i stop posting entirely when i do have something important to share the algorithm will kill it dead. like...maybe starting a page would help instead of having everything associated with my personal account? i still don't know what to do with my FB. it is a log of my entire life since i was 13. exes, pre transition pics, people leftover from toxic leftbook days. just everything is on there. i don't want to delete it. i don't want it accessible to everyone. i honestly wish i had stayed on livejournal or something. fb became where i performed myself. i don't talk with a lot of people via DM bc again, anxiety about approaching people. it feels like going up to a dude in the mall, who you have known for years bc he sits at the mall playing songs and yelling about his life. but if you go up to him will he even know who the fuck you are? I think some of the anxiety is related to being plural. some of it is parasocial relationships. idk. i just hate that it exists and i still feel bound to it. and want to talk to someone about it who has a similar relationship with social media...