#nesta is mother stay mad

[shadowqueenjude]

A compilation of Nesta "sitting on her ass"

Tamlin had been wrong when we’d discussed whether my father would have ever come after me—he didn’t possess the courage, the anger. If anything, he would have hired someone to do it for him. But Nesta had gone with that mercenary. My hateful, cold sister had been willing to brave Prythian to rescue me.

My sister snapped, “Give them the Book.” And the eldest queen hissed, “No.” The word clanged through me. But Nesta went on, flinging out an arm to encompass us, the room, the world, “There are innocent people here. In these lands. If you will not risk your necks against the forces that threaten us, then grant those people a fighting chance. Give my sister the Book.” The crone sighed sharply through her nose. “An evacuation may be possible—” “You would need ten thousand ships,” Nesta said, her voice breaking. “You would need an armada. I have calculated the numbers. And if you are readying for war, you will not send your ships to us. We are stranded here.” The crone gripped the polished arms of her chair as she leaned forward a bit. “Then I suggest asking one of your winged males to carry you across the sea, girl.” Nesta’s throat bobbed. “Please.” I didn’t think I’d ever heard that word from her mouth. “Please— do not leave us to face this alone.”

Beron shot to his feet, not bothering to brush off the dust, and declared to no one in particular, “This meeting is over. I hope Hybern butchers you all.” But Nesta rose from her chair. “This meeting is not over.” Even Beron paused at her tone. Eris sized up the space between my sister and his father. She stood tall, a pillar of steel. “You are all there is,” she said to Beron, to all of us. “You are all that there is between Hybern and the end of everything that is good and decent.” She settled her stare on Beron, unflinching and fierce. “You fought against Hybern in the last war. Why do you refuse to do so now?” Beron did not deign to answer. But he did not leave. Eris subtly motioned his brothers to sit. Nesta marked the gesture—hesitated. As if realizing she indeed held their complete attention. That every word mattered. “You may hate us. I don’t care if you do. But I do care if you let innocents suffer and die. At least stand for them. Your people. For Hybern will make an example of them. Of all of us.” “And you know this how?” Beron sneered. “I went into the Cauldron,” Nesta said flatly. “It showed me his heart. He will bring down the wall, and butcher those on either side of it.” Truth or lie, I could not tell. Nesta’s face revealed nothing. And no one dared contradict her. She looked to Kallias and Viviane. “I am sorry for the loss of those children. The loss of one is abhorrent.” She shook her head. “But beneath the wall, I witnessed children—entire families—starve to death.” She jerked her chin at me. “Were it not for my sister … I would be among them.” My eyes burned, but I blinked it away. “Too long,” Nesta said. “For too long have humans beneath the wall suffered and died while you in Prythian thrived. Not during that—queen’s reign.” She recoiled, as if hating to even speak Amarantha’s name. “But long before. If you fight for anything—fight now, to protect those you forgot. Let them know they’re not forgotten. Just this once.” Thesan cleared his throat. “While a noble sentiment, the details of the Treaty did not demand we provide for our human neighbors. They were to be left alone. So we obeyed.” Nesta remained standing. “The past is the past. What I care about is the road ahead. What I care about is making sure no children—Fae or human—are harmed. You have been entrusted with protecting this land.” She scanned the faces around her. “How can you not fight for it?” Nesta stared toward that armada, toward our father fighting in it. “Use me. As bait.”

Choking, blood dribbling from his lips, the king gaped at Nesta. My sister lunged to her feet. Not to go to Elain. But to the king. Nesta wrapped her hand around Truth-Teller’s obsidian hilt. And slowly, as if savoring every bit of effort it took … Nesta began to twist the blade. Not a rotation of the blade itself—but a rotation into his neck. Elain rushed to Cassian, but the warrior was panting—smiling grimly and panting—as Nesta twisted and twisted the blade into the king’s neck. Severing flesh and bone and tendon. Nesta looked down at the king before she made the final pass, his hands still trying to rise, to claw the blade free. And in Nesta’s eyes … it was the same look, the same gleam that she’d had that day in Hybern. When she pointed her finger at him in a death-promise. She smiled a little—as if she remembered, too. And then she pushed the blade, like a worker heaving the spoke of a mighty, grinding wheel. The king’s eyes flared—then his head tumbled off his shoulders. “Nesta,” Cassian groaned, trying to reach for her. The king’s blood sprayed her leathers, her face. Nesta didn’t seem to care as she bent over. As she took up his fallen head and lifted it. Lifted it in the air and stared at it—into Hybern’s dead eyes, his gaping mouth. She did not smile. She only stared and stared and stared. Savage. Unyielding. Brutal.

“Mother save us,” Azriel whispered, and it was undiluted terror, not awe, hushing his voice as the dead rose from Oorid’s depths. A line of them; a legion. Some mere collections of upright bones, jaws hanging and eyes unseeing. Some half-preserved, decaying flesh flapping over exposed ribs. Judging by their fine armor, they were warriors and kings and princes and lords. They rose from the water, standing in the shallows near the thorny island. And as that golden light broke the surface before them, the dead knelt. Every word emptied from Cassian’s head as Nesta, too, emerged from the water, as if lifted on a pillar from beneath. A golden mask sat upon her face, primitive but embossed with whorls and patterns so ancient they’d lost all meaning. Water sluiced down her clothes, her hair had been ripped from its braid, and in her hand, clenched there … A kelpie’s head dangled by its sheet of black hair, torn-up face frozen in a scream. Exactly as the King of Hybern’s head had hung from her hand. Only silver fire burned behind the eyes of the Mask.

And the baby … her nephew. Blood of her blood. She would save him, save them, even if it took everything. “Show me,” she pleaded. No one answered. The Harp stopped its echoing. As Time resumed, noise and movement roaring into the room, Nesta whispered to the Cauldron, her promise rising above the din, “I’ll give it all back.” And a soft, invisible hand brushed her cheek in answer.

[litnerdwrites]

How torturous is it to love with everything your heart can give, and then some, only for your acts of love to either be forgotten about or to be treated like the villain for caring? And on top of that, you never once receive even a fraction of the love back.

Nesta loved Feyre enough to go to the wall for her, and she would've gone farther, if she were able, only for Feyre to forget.

Nesta spent her entire childhood taking her mother's abuse so her sister's didn't have to, only for Elain to turn her back on her.

Nesta spent her whole life trying to give Elain the love that she would've given anything to receive from their mother, for Elain to abandon her and condemn her when she needed that love more than ever.

Nesta joined a war for Feyre, only for it all to be forgotten.

She stayed in the mortal lands, despite it being dangerous after the Queens denied the IC's request for the book, clearly ready to sacrifice their people, including Nesta and Elain, all because Elain wanted to be near her betrothed and be comfortable, just for Elain to try and force Nesta out of her safe space, and into uncomfortable situations.

Nesta stayed with Elain, putting aside her own trauma for her sake to look after her, but when she needed the same love and understanding, Elain abandoned her for the comforts Feyre provided.

Nesta put aside her own trauma to help with war efforts, but it's never brought up again.

Nesta is most likely the one who cooked and cleaned and looked after the cabin, and who thanked her?

Nesta is the one who demanded their neglectful father be held accountable for his failures, but, instead, that burden was forced onto her.

Nesta is the one who demanded Rhysand be held accountable for lying to both her and Feyre, only for Feyre to turn around and laugh at the idea of her being punished for something Feyre said herself, that she isn't mad at.

Nesta endured verbal abuse at the hands of Feyre's new family, let them stare at her like a zoo animal, and didn't comment on it.

Nesta would've gone into the blood right after Emerie and Gwyn, laws be damned, to save them. She would've done it for any of them, only for them to decide she's fine and leave her there. Did they worry about her while she was there? Azriel didn't seem worried. Neither did Feyre or Elain.

That's not even the half of it. Nesta loved so much, with her whole heart, and not a single person could give it back to her. Not one. How tiring, and heart breaking must that be for her? The thought alone brings me to tears.

[sad-scarred-sassy]

tamlin “trapped” feyre after all negotiations broke down with the certainty of knowing feyre would endanger herself and others temporarily

from the wu this fandom talks about it you’d think he’s mother gothel but like. it was only until he came back. it wasn’t like he had her isolated, restricting access to who got to see her. he offered to invite her sisters - she was the one who said no! i really don’t see how it’s comparable to feyre + the ic making nesta stay on a remote island for what it’s worth with two near strangers who she has little to no positive associations with if they can’t be considered the cause of all her trauma in the first place (in that they are fae etc)

whereas nesta’s sentence (bc let’s face it she was sent to azkaban as punishment with a fun caveat like “you’re free if you can cross the sea! and manage to maintain a sense of identity while around guards who remind you how terrible you are of course!”) is indefinite and it’s pretty obvious from everything that comes after that it’s just something she’s expected to make the best of as opposed to something that can get better with time.

and cassian being her jailer whose amicability she has to earn by performing rigorous physical activity she had no interest in even if she grew to love it.. i wonder if she’s had that experience before

sorry, i’m not disagreeing with you, i saw your post + i just die a little inside every time someone’s like “ew tampon” “wow i wish i had a cassian” like no. they’re not the same, you (not you, ily) just have the attention span of a gold fish on catnip

You know I restrained myself from posting more on this because I’m such a hater sometimes lol, gotta focus on more positive things sometimes but... I’ll get this out of my chest.

I wanna preface by saying I do not care if people like Cassian/Nessian, truly. I even like fanon Cassian and fanon Nessian. I also have seen very little people that like Cassian bashing Tamlin (probably bc of my filters and just the type of blogs I follow bc I do love them all) BUT☝🏼 what I do see is a lot of “Disclaimer: we know Tamlin is an abuser” on Tamlin neutral posts (when no other character gets that treatment) or using Tamlin as a cautionary tale of how he treated Feyre and then praise the other “mates” for being “the right ones” and treating them correctly or something, which does annoy me a bit, but alas.

In my opinion yes, you are right, what Cassian and the Inner Circle did to Nesta is a million times worse than what Tamlin did to Feyre, but nobody, nobody considers Cassian’s actions in Silver Flames as bad as they actually are. Nobody considers him an abuser like Abusive Tamlin™️. When talking about what Nesta has endured in SF people put all the blame on Rhys and Feyre (which yes of course) but they forget Cassian was also there, willingly.

I’ve seen people use the argument that both Nesta and Cassian treated each other poorly in their relationship, but I have to ask… what did Nesta do to him that’s worse than what he did… intentionally. She was mean to him and called him bastard like four times? And only when he trespassed her boundaries. Somehow this is comparable to him being her jailer, taking her to train in the middle of Illyria, being a dick when he knew she was struggling, telling her everyone hates her and he cannot understand why her sisters love her, controlling her food intake as if she’s a gym bro or something when she clearly had an eating disorder, not telling her that Feyre was not mad at her and letting her BREAK while making her carry a huge backpack and forcing her on a hike not talking to her for days, to the point she fainted and fell on her face near a cliff?? (this because she made Rhys mad). Anyway the list goes on.

And you know what I don’t care if people like this guy after all this, but it is just funny how somehow Neris shippers are the “morally dubious” ones lol (and don’t get me started on Tamlin stans aka the devil worshippers), because Nesta said she “deserved Eris” (as a punishment), babygirl your WHOLE relationship with Cassian has been a punishment, for what sins you ask? Being mean (as she should) and spending the High Lord’s coin.

And what makes it worse is that the narrative will always favor the Inner circle, Cassian will never pay for what he’s done the way Tamlin has (and still is) he will never even apologize because he was “holding out his hand” or whatever bs that was. (Honestly if I get proven wrong and he does pay and apologize then I may give him a chance, but I highly doubt it)

I won’t even pretend that I think Neris will be canon as much as I wish it was, even if I know that if SJM wrote it, it still would have had its problems but at least Nesta wouldn’t have ended up with the people who treated her like a criminal just because she wouldn’t kiss their ass. And on top of all, with a mate that doesn’t even have the balls to stand up for her. Holy shit.

Okay I got it all out of my chest I think, I’ll try not to hate so much but this shit bro makes me seethe. I’ll go touch some grass.

[starsreminisce]

Can a rejected bond be fixed? or will it be rejected forever?

Personally, there is no such thing as rejecting the bond—it’s just in a constant state of not being accepted, so it can always be fixed.

Feyre was set to marry Tamlin when her bond snapped with Rhys. Nesta was planning to accept Eris's proposal right before her bond with Cassian snapped, and even after Cassian yelled at her, she still had not officially turned down Eris's proposal. Elain was hoping to continue her engagement with Graysen after her bond with Lucien snapped. LoA married Beron, and Helion specifically said that LoA chose to stay with Beron.

And then we get lines about how the bond will trail a female for the rest of her life and how they can feel the deaths of their mates even when it had been rejected—that really doesn’t sound like something that can be rejected.

Since I am more on the belief that Helion and LoA are rejected mates, Blood Duels are allowed in the Autumn Court. While Helion had the right to duel Beron for LoA's hand, Helion was not made High Lord until Amarantha's rule. While we can meme about how weak Beron is, he is still a High Lord, which means he is power. There is a reason why Eris bargained for Rhys's help to oust his father.

there will always be a … tug. For the females, it is usually easier to ignore, but the males … It can drive them mad. It is their burden to fight through, but some believe they are entitled to the female. Even after the bond is rejected, they see her as belonging to them. Sometimes they return to challenge the male she chooses for herself.

The wrong thing to say. Utterly wrong, by the dark fury that rippled across Helion’s face. “Beron is a High Lord, and she is his wife, mother of his brood. She chose to stay. Chose. And with the protocols and rules, Lady, you will find that most situations like the one you were in do not end well for those who interfere.” I didn’t back down, didn’t apologize. “You barely even looked at her today.” “We have more important matters at hand.” “Beron never called you out for it?” “To publicly do so would be to admit that his possession made a fool of him. So we continue our little dance, these centuries later.” I somehow doubted that beneath that roguish charm and irreverence, Helion felt it was a dance at all.

Note: Feyre was engaged to Tamlin and therefore was seen as Tamlin's property. When she went to Summer Court, Tarquin, also a HL, said he was required to tell Tamlin her whereabouts

When Helion and LoA's bond snapping is a bit muddled, I do think it was snapped right before she was set to marry Beron, considering how Helion was able to find LoA, seemed to know too many details regarding the attack, and how Helion used his bare hands to take down the beasts when he, like Rhys, could have used his fire to burn them instantly.

Helion didn’t break my stare. “I tore the beasts apart with my bare hands.” A chill slid down my spine. “Why?” He could have ended it a thousand other ways. Easier ways. Cleaner ways. Rhys’s bloody hands after the Ravens’ attack flashed through my mind.

If LoA rejected her bond earlier, Lucien was still born. If LoA rejected her bond around when Lucien was born, both LoA and Helion are still affected by each other's presence, given Helion's reactions to Feyre's questioning.

I know that Chapters 54 and 55 are like the chapters in ACOMAF, but Chapter 52 also gives such good context about Feyre processing her relationship with Tamlin and coming to terms with being mated to Rhysand to help offer some perspective to Elain's situation.

My relationship with Tamlin had been doomed from the start. I had left—only to find my mate. To go to my mate.

So, I don't think there is such a thing as rejected mates. I think it's just delaying the inevitability. As for the line that the pairing was not ideal in spirit, well, a mated pair is still a relationship, and relationships require work to make them successful. Compatibility helps, but feelings alone are not enough.

Hope this was helpful! Thanks for asking!

[azsazz]

Into the New

Azriel x Reader

Summary: A little New Years fluff. Cheers 2023!! 💙

Warnings: None.

Word Count: 939

_________________________________________

You admire your daughter from the doorway, having shut the light off when she’d finally tuckered out after a fun night staying up late with her siblings, parents, and family ringing in the new year.

Zuzu is sound asleep, a soft smile on her face from the enticing dream she’s having of sugary treats and the family celebrations that had aspired during the night. Her mother had taken her out into the city, just the two of them, and let her pick out her own dress for the celebration; a lovely blue dress with a poofy skirt that bounced when she ran across the room, bouncing from aunt to uncle to show it off.

She and Baz had played a tiny prank on Uncle Cassian, who had taken it with a grain of salt, enjoying the harmless joke and the way his niece and nephew were giggling like mad. He hadn’t told their parents about it, either.

She’d gotten to stand on her fathers toes as he twirled her around the room while the upbeat music sounded throughout the large home, her tiny hands in his large ones made Azriel choke up a little, golden eyes shining with unshed tears, filled with so much love for his little girl, while she stared back up at him just as loving.

And Zuzu had even gotten a New Years kiss from Uncle Rhys, whom she had a massive crush on. He’d swooped her up as she ran by, saving her from Wren Baz’s outstretched hands, ready to tag her in their game.

She’d clasped onto him tightly while he shooed the boys off and then explained to her that it was officially a start to a new year, which meant change, growth, and promises that she’d cherish forever, vowed with an exaggerated smack of his lips to her cheek that had her blushing and giggling like mad.

She’d been in awe when it had marked the start of the new year. The way Uncle Cassian had spun Auntie Nesta around and tipped her back into his strong arms for a kiss that looked just like the fairy tales she saw in her books. The way that Uncle Rhys had looked at Auntie Feyre like she was the only other person in the room, violet eyes sparkling before he’d pulled her in so close that not even Nyx could squeeze between their legs, capturing her lips against his.

And her parents. She’d seen them kiss many times before, of course, but this…the way her father had leant down to whisper in her ear, nudging her ruddy red cheek with his nose, his smirking lips caressing her soft skin. He’d had her chin tucked between his thumb and forefinger, tilting it ever so gently to meet his eyes.

Zuzu hadn’t ever seen them smile so bright.

Finally he’d kissed her mother. But it wasn’t passionate like Uncle Rhys and Aunt Feyre, nor was it fiery like Uncle Cassians and Aunt Nestas. It was sweet, soft, fleeting, but loaded with a thousand promises. A thousand ‘I love you’s,’ a thousand ‘you’re my everything,’ and many more that the young girl didn’t know the words for.

They’d looked at her then. Then at her brothers, Wren and Baz where they were making faces with Giddy and Nyx at the sight of watching their parents kiss each other. Jax and the twins were already in bed but she knew her parents were thinking about them as they embraced, her mother leaning into her father like he was her world, the only thing keeping her standing.

Zuzu wants a love like theirs when she grows up.

You close the door gently behind you, a tired smile all of your own gracing your lips as you lean against your daughter's door. You’re exhausted and sated, so incredibly happy with the night spent with your friends and family, ringing in the new year together again. It was something special.

Azriel exits Wren and Baz’s room at the same time, mouth turned upwards in a small smile, thinking about how excited they were, telling him all about how much fun they had at the party with their cousins and family.

His heart is full, even more so when he was sitting with his two sons, one cuddling to each side of him and he could feel the swell of emotions you were leaking through the bond from where you were with your daughter, doing much the same as he and his sons were.

And there you are, looking as beautiful as ever. You’re dressed in the perfect new year dress, though everyone you wear seems better than the last in Azriel’s eyes. You’re glowing even though you look a smidge exhausted from the events of the party, but that smile you’re giving him makes his heart stutter in his chest just like it did the first time you blessed him with it.

Neither of you have to say anything, have the energy to, as you push from the door to meet your mate halfway, basking in the warmth thrumming through you, collapsing into his arms.

You press your ear to his chest, the steady beat a perfect melody as he gently takes your hands to wind them around his waist before one of his caresses the base of your head and the other your spine, slowly swaying the both of you in a silent rhythm in his mind.

It’s a perfect beginning to the new year, all of your babes sound asleep, your mate in your arms, dancing together in the hall of your beautiful home.

An excellent start indeed.

[acourtofthought]

I know a lot of Elriels cling to Feyre thinking that Elain would cling to Azriel for the quiet, that they'd be an attractive pair and her asking Rhys, "Why not make them mates?" All as evidence that she ships Elriel but personally, I always saw it as her just wanting an excuse to keep her sister near her.

If Elain were to accept Lucien, she wouldn't have a reason to stay permanently in the Night Court and given that Feyre has always had the mentality of, "I need to take of/protect my sisters" especially with Elain, who almost everyone sees as this fragile, delicate women who needs constant sheltering, she's scared of the amount of unknown the Elucien mating bond brings.

With Azriel, though, it's simple. Elain stays in the Night Court, and that's it.

So, my interpretation isn't that Feyre ships necessarily Elriel. It's just that she wants to keep people close to her, and that is the most convenient way to do it.

Feyre had these thoughts in ACOMAF and the start / middle of ACOWAR. When Tamlin was the enemy, when she was mad at Lucien and when the IC were her newfound BFF's.

It's a lot like what you said, her envisioning her sisters into her cozy new life has a lot to do with Feyre wanting to, as always, make sure she could watch over them and ensure their happiness. It's what she'd done for so long that I think at that point it was a very difficult habit for her to break but her pairing off her sisters with the people in her immediate orbit (Az and Elain would be so handsome together, Nesta and Amren would be the best of friends), is a very high school mentality where the cool kids group all end up taking a turn dating one another because god forbid you take it out of your clique and bring in an outsider.

That's exactly what we get with Feyre, the following pretty much confirms this exact thing:

"And where, exactly, do you believe I will fit in? The Night Court?"

I didn't answer. I didn't have one, honestly. As High Lady, I could likely offer him a position, if we survived long enough to make it home. I'd do it mostly to keep Elain from ever going to the Spring Court, but I had little doubt Lucien would be able to hold his own against my friends.

In MAF, Feyre had already left Lucien and Tamlin behind therefore of course she wouldn't picture her sisters with anyone from Spring. Then in ACOWAR, we have Feyre saying she would go out of her way to keep Elain from Spring but that she can't picture Lucien with her friends (something Lucien turned around and proved otherwise by offering his help repeatedly and eventually working up to chatting about sporting events at a later point) so she instead questions why Elain and Az aren't mates.

As you said, Feyre doesn't really ship Az and Elain for any reason outside of it's convenience for her. Nesta and Cassian clearly had a thing, Az and Elain can be together because they're single and Feyre can pat herself on the back for fulfilling her promise to her mother. However the Mother clearly disagreed and was not concerned about giving Elain a mate based on what was most convenient for Feyre. It instead gave her a mate that was going to be the right person for her.

[vidalinav]

Promp! Nessian subtle touches!!! Like they are not together together yet but they give eachother little touches?? Kind of like before all the a*sf fiasco, i don't know i just want soft nessian

I sort of wrote something for this... but I made it sad face. :D but it’s actually more Nesta having anxiety.

This is basically if Cassian hadn't immediately run off to the snow ball fight and they had their morning after. Basically for context, after this scene, they'd have to go see the rest of the family after they've basically accepted the mate bond. SO... awko taco, but I didn't write that part.

~

Nesta always dreads the morning afters and perhaps that's why she never invites Cassian to stay. There's no drunken allure, no fascination, no great lust that overrides her senses enough to forget that she is with another person... lying in her bed, less than perfect... something stale and sweaty, while she tries to forget the night.

But Nesta finds she doesn't particularly want to forget this night. She doesn't want to get out of bed either.

Cassian’s arms are wrapped around her and his wings are lazily lounging across her way, blocking out the sun and instead of clambering out of sheets, Nesta wishes to trace the fabric of his wings and see what he might do. Would he get mad? Would he settle in sweet sighs? Would he let her touch him, over and over again, just as he had last night?

Last night feels like a dream where they are surrounded by stars. Light winds around their hearts, knotting and twisting into something permanent and precious. Nesta has an inkling of what it is, but she won't say it out loud. Let him admit it first. If he dares, let him speak his mind and she'll tell him that she'd always hoped it was him. That it was always meant to be him, even when she contested so greatly to herself that he wasn’t meant to be hers. 

They fit somehow. Her head rests in the crevice of his neck and she's tucked so neatly next to him. Their limbs are twisted together and surely they've become so entwined that no two people exist. Only one soul. One body. One star shooting across the night.

But now it's morning and just like the sun, Cassian blinks awake.

He smiles as he sees her. Nesta can't help the soft grin. It arises from her face without any great fanfare and it settles just like the warmth on her skin. 

“Thank the Mother,” he says, his voice rough with sleep. "I thought you were a dream.” 

"I didn't want to wake you," Nesta says as she lightly trails a finger across the fine tendons still wading across her body. Cassian shivers and he takes her hands, placing a reverent kiss to each knuckle.

He's quiet as he kisses her awake, kisses her back to life. Her skin turns pink at his touch and there must be something to be said about the color that returns in light of his presence. He soothes her and thrills her all at once.

"They'll be searching for us soon," he confesses, a little smirk playing with his features. Nesta tries not to wrinkle her nose, but Cassian kisses there, his hands weaving through golden brown waves. "I doubt they'll let us miss breakfast."

Bunch of busybodies, she thinks, but before Nesta can rant her lungs clear, Cassian is pulling her closer. An impossible feat, really, because there’s no way they could be any more entwined. Not unless they burrowed their way to the center, where that splitting star sits. 

"There will be pancakes. French toast. Oatmeal... and I even made sure they'd have those strawberries you like. There's cake left too, perhaps we can make a celebration of it."

A celebration, an announcement, some rejoice of pleasure. A finally.

A finality.

Cassian sounds excited as he says the words, but Nesta can only think of morning afters. 

There's a shame to it, isn't there? That everyone should know about how she's spent her time and whose she spent it with. She swears there was a concern there at one point... though she doubts they will mind much now that it’s Cassian. 

But it is Cassian.

Nesta has always been full of secrets and this is but one that will be ripped from her grasp. If it exists outside quick romps, it will exist outside bedroom walls. The secret will no longer be safe and hers alone. 

It will no longer be theirs--safe where it's clasped within her hands with tightened fists.

“What worries you,” Cassian asks softly... slowly... But Nesta doesn’t know what to say, what to reveal. Will he keep her secrets? If those walls are knocked down, will he guard those walls he’s plundered? "Don't you want to see the others?"

Nesta swallows, staring into hazel with her heart a roaring song.

How does she say she doesn't know what she wants? How does she speak a truth that will tear him apart? How does she speak without the inevitable sighs, the impatience, as if she's arrogant and not troubled? Her world is being ripped to pieces just like her soul, and he's holding her together merely by his arms--his embrace.

Why does love feel so sickly? She feels like she's humming out of her body and her limbs must move, but will she run? Will she freeze? Will she fight and tear them both apart?

So Nesta instead tightens her hold where her arms are wrapped around him. She chooses to cling, and she leans her head on his chest, willing herself to stop screaming when her voice makes no sound.

"I want to listen to your heart," she answers, "for just a little while longer."

[shi-daisy]

Tamlins character assassination genuinely bothered me, to have his character turn abusive isnt inherently bad but having him get constantly shat on while ryhsand continues to be genuinely vile and horrid to feryre, tamlin just seems more sympathetic the more i pick apart why feyre and rhys suck ASS. sjm does not get to sit there and act like Nesta was evil and awful as she got constantly belittled and shat on for her COPING Mechanisms and that Nesta is the one who has to apologize to the inner circle despite the way ALL of them treated her and expect me not to think she just failed with tamlin as well, she keeps writing characters she wants me to think are bad while not acknowledging that the characters she loves ARE VERY BAD IF NOT MUCH WORSE.

Anon are we lost twins by any chance? Lol kidding, but you've just voiced the exact reason why Feysand (and by extension sjm who wrote them) piss me the fuck off!

Tamlin's story reads like a damn tragedy. Abusive father and brothers, a mom who loved him but couldn't do anything to protect him, he's resigned to not get the court and tried to go unoticed to stay safe then once he finally makes a new friend his family ruin that friend's life, he loses his mother due to the family fued, is forced to be the ruler of a nation when he has no idea how and still pulls through. Then gets hounded by Amrantha and cursed. Has to lose another friend to break the curse. Finally finds true love and even after attempting to protect her she nearly dies. He had to rebuild the court and support his fiance while still suffering from ptsd himself and so he fucks up royally, said fuck up costs him his relationship, his bestie and his court and now he has nothing.

And I'm supposed to cheer for this? I'm supposed to accept this as a fitting end to my favorite character? Nope, not gonna happen. Not when Rhysand can commit multiple war crimes and treat people like shit and Feyre can ruin a court and half of another cuz she mad at Tamlin and wanted to girlboss. (Girl stop acting like an edgy 13 year old, people are dead and you have the intelligence of cabbage head.)

Oh and yes the way they treated Nesta was worse than anything Tamlin ever did yet we're supposed to think they healed her? Tamlin locked Feyre up cuz he was irrationally afraid of her getting hurt. They looked Nesta up cuz she spent 0.000001% of their wealth and calls Rhysand an ass to his face. Guess who I'm gonna side with?!

Sarah is too into Rhysand and so anyhting he and Feyre do is justified but anyone else can go choke. It's the reason I dropped the books after ACOFAS (Tamlin's scene there had me crying and I had to yeet the book away)

Tamlin needs a redemption, but written by anyone other than SJM. She will ruin him like she did Nesta.

[shallyne]

The Diary of Feyre Archeron

Just a tiny fic too see if I want to continue it and keep this format!

Words: 800

TW: implications of neglect, manipulation and controlling behaviour

December 21st

Dear Diary (?) 

I never had a diary, I don't know how this stuff works. Mom gave me an old diary she had never used, it's the closest to a birthday gift I have ever gotten from her. I haven't gotten any cake like Elain or a grand party like Nesta but I'm not mad, at least I get the time to draw in my room without any interruptions. I've become pretty good! 

Rumor has it that a new boy will be at our school tomorrow, which is weird because it's two days before the holidays. It probably stays a rumor, it wouldn't make sense. 

Anyways, I think I'm going to sneak into the kitchen after mom went to bed, I'm getting hungry. 

Bye, I guess? 

December 22nd

Dear Diary, 

Today I have been blessed by god. I didn't expect to make another entry so soon but today the new guy looked at me. OH MY GOD, RIGHT? He totally smiled at me too!! (Delusion aside, he probably saw someone behind me. He doesn't know I exist.) 

I hate the stupid lights in the school but I swear the new guy’s eyes looked VIOLET in the light. It was the most beautiful thing I have ever seen. I'm totally going to draw himy he's GORGEOUS! Like the men on Nesta's book covers (that she's totally hiding from mom) but a hundred times prettier! 

Well, I have to finish my math homework now. 

Bye? 

January 2nd

Dear Diary, 

Christmas was pretty boring that's why I didn't write anything but today was insane! The new guy has a name, Rhysand (beautiful, right?) and he's in my history class! I actually quite like history and our teacher, Ms Weaver, even though everyone is scared of her but Rhysand made it hard to focus!! It's not like I'm mad about it because he's sitting like right in front of me and he smells like citrus and sea (Not that I sniffed him, I'm not a weirdo) he smells SO GOOD and I could just get lost looking at him all the time! 

Maybe he'll talk to me someday, wouldn't that be neat? 

Shit, mom is coming home and she sounds mad!!! 

Bye! 

January 4th

Dear Diary, 

Today I got Elain’s hand-me-downs! Finally, I've been waiting for this, I needed new pants. Mom refused to buy me new ones because it's my fault I got them paint splattered. It's only one pair that has paint on them, the others are falling apart! But arguing with mum is like arguing with a brick wall, it won't budge.  

I found a pretty blue jumper in Elain’s old clothes which makes my eyes pop! I will wear it tomorrow. Not because I have history class and will see Rhysand, it just looks pretty. 

I also got a job interview at a run down diner at the edge of the town! Mom can't know, she'd never allow me to work or if she would, she wouldn't allow me to keep the money, she always needs to have everything under control, it's so annoying. 

I'm not worried about not getting the job but I hope I can convince them to give me night shifts so mom won't know! Once she's asleep, she's ASLEEP! 

I'd say wish me luck but it's only me and the ink, so I guess I wish myself luck. 

So excited! 

January 13th

Dear Diary, 

I am dying. I really am. I'm barely able to write these words down. 

Fine, maybe I'm not dying really but it feels like it. I got my period and I literally feel like I'm bleeding out. I feel like someone is stabbing my uterus REPEATEDLY. Why would mother nature be so cruel? Why would my own mother be so cruel to still send me to school like this? That was a trick question, it's my mother. Cruel is carved in her bones and blood and brain. Whatever it is, I can't think through this agony. 

Mom says it's normal and I shouldn't be so dramatic and when I tried to talk to Elain she grimaced!! I mean, it's not her fault, I guess. Mom drilled it into Nesta and Elain that these topics are taboo. I think that's stupid because in biology they said periods are natural so why would something natural be taboo? 

It doesn't make sense, right? 

On a slightly brighter side, Rhysand talked to me yesterday and asked if I was okay!! I am aware he asked because I probably looked like death but a win is a win, right? And his smile when I lied and said I was okay, I was melting into a puddle! 

Okay, the water is hot enough for my hot water bottle! I'm gonna chill and listen go Red for the rest of the day until bedtime. 

Bye

Taglist: @captain-of-the-gwynriel-ship @starfall-spirit @rhysiedarling @corcracrow @sydney-fae25 @tothestarsandwhateverend @aayo-whatt @dreamlandreader

[sideralwriting]

Sailing Ships - Summer ACOTAR Writing Circle

I want to say sorry both to the previous writers and to @azrielshadowssing, who organized the event. Thank you so much for your patience waiting for my update. I hope you enjoy the ending!

Part 1 here by @foreverinelysian

Part 2 here by @writtenonreceipts

Words: 1700 for this part, around 7k in total. Cassian curses once, so warning for cursing.

° - ° - ° - ° - ° - °

The cruise had been a complete disaster, as everything in the most recent period of her life. Nesta’s only sure point in her world was now her studies. It’s not that she wanted so, quite the opposite. She had loved the time where she had both her exams to excel in and a loving family to return to. A lovely hug to return to. She just hated that for others one of the two things had always to come first, that only because her priorities weren’t the same as someone else’s, then they had to be wrong. And what she hated even more was that Cassian gave up.

He had given up on her, on their future, without even looking back. Without even letting her go through the hell of a period that has been that session in peace and listening to her when her head would have been clearer. Because Nesta wanted to share her life with Cassian. He was fit for her, he made her feel alive and burning with passion and supported. And she felt like she had ruined her life compass. Seeing him on the cruise tilted her view once more. Why did they fight? Why could he see her focus on her studies and accept it? Maybe she was the one in the wrong? But what wrong could she do when she was cooped up in her room most of the time? As if summoning him with just a thought, there he is, standing in line to get off the cruise boat. After leaving her once again in the middle of the night. Their eyes met while Nesta reached the end of the line, far behind Cassian.

° - ° - ° - ° - ° - °

He left her. Cassian knew that if he had stayed she would have been mad for coming and going as he pleased, of always doing as he pleased. Of taking advantage of a situation in which she was weaker and in need of attentions. She was sick, for goodness’s sake. Witnessing to last night made him question if she suffered alone all those days. She probably had, as he knew her and how good she was putting up a wall in front of others. Rhys and Feyre had been particularly eager at the idea of the cruise: could it be that they organized it all? If it was so, he couldn’t think if he wanted to shout at them for making Nesta sick or thanking them for the opportunity to see her once again. He missed her so much that the moment their eyes met as she arrived for landing, he felt a spark in his head, a missed beat in his chest. Did he do the right thing leaving everything, leaving her, behind? Of course, so he couldn’t let her down anymore, so she could focus more on what she loved and less on… well, him. Proud was also a peculiarity of their nature. He wasn’t always right, but if he was someone’s boyfriend he wanted at least some respect on their part. Mother above, why was it so difficult to show your point of view without hurting the person you loved?

° - ° - ° - ° - ° - °

The landing was slow and chaotic, hugs and shouts and a slow-moving crowd made a chill crawl up her skin. She was still recovering from the previous night and wanted peace and quiet. As soon as possible. She walked toward the taxi rank and was met with an even bigger crowd of suitcases and crying children. Elain and Feyre sent her a message informing her that they couldn’t be there due to a quite strong hangover from the night before —Feyre at least, Elain wanted to stay by her side— and suggested she took a taxi. She pulled out her phone and started filming a short video of the crowd, before sending it to them with a “thanks for the suggestion” message attached to it.

She had just put the phone away when a dark-haired guy approached her. “Hey there” he started with a grin forming on his lips. She vaguely remembered him from the cruise. “You are the one who was soaked in alfredo sauce, last night”. Yes, he was definitely on the cruise.

Embarrassment started creeping up on her: what if someone filmed it? What if someone recognized her? What— “So what?” she was buying time to understand why he was in front of her. Was there a way to get out of the situation?

“What do you think of going on a date?” the guy asked handing her a black paper that looked suspiciously like a calling card.

Luckily she was spared from the stalling situation thanks to a broad hand snatching the card away from the guy. “Who the fuck uses a calling card to give a girl his phone number?” Cassian’s voice was impossible to forget, as it was the cool amusement and the feral grin she found on his face. He was at her left, bringing the card to his face. “Bellius, huh? What a name” Cassian commented before pocketing the paper, putting the other arm around her shoulders, ”anyway, I’ll keep this one. If I find you around my girlfriend again, it will be the first thing I’ll hand to the cops”. His fingers twitched as the guy made for a run cursing them.

“Your girlfriend?” Nesta asked as soon as they were alone and moving to the head of the crowd.

“What? He didn’t need details about us. Even if we broke up, I can still care for your well-being, you know?” She stayed silent until they reached a lone taxi and run for it.

Cassian wanted to take a different one even if the wait for the next one was around fourty minutes, but Nesta refused. It was futile to do so as he could continue with the taxi for wherever he lived now and that they could split up the payment. So, they loaded their suitcases into the car and sat behind.

° - ° - ° - ° - ° - °

They were isolated from the driver thanks to a glass panel, and that was the only encouragement Nesta needed as she sat straight, looking out of the car window. The sea was full of boats and glistening under the morning sun. “You broke up with me” she mumbled.

“What?” Cassian asked, and she could have sworn that she felt him whipping his head.

She took two breath before repeating raising her voice a bit more: “You broke up with me. Not we. You.” There it was again, her treacherous heart, racing and skipping beats. “You told me you wanted a break,” she couldn’t stop now, the words flowing towards the window instead of their true recipient, “then the next thing I see is an apartment half empty, my gifts and pictures for you in a box, your keys at the entrance.” She still had issues remembering everything of those nights a little more than a month ago. Panic was rising again.

He didn’t say anything. Of course not, they were facts, not questions. So she went on with the facts. “I was doing something I like and which required all my attention in order to become the best out there, where the only thing that matters is what I know and how I apply it. Am I too absorbed in it? Maybe.” She stopped to breath, pulling down the car window. “And so are you in your job, that I know you care about as much as I care about mine. We took our relationship for granted. But what I couldn’t change was what happened next. You vanished.” She turned towards him, her cold mask in place to avoid breaking down in front of the driver.

Cassian sat against the seat, leaning his head against it. His eyes locked on hers as soon as she turned and complete devastation was in them. “You vanished and I don’t like it. You vanished,” his pressed-together lips trembled but he never broke the stare, “you vanished, and I missed you. I still do.” A tear broke from them at the same time, and Nesta felt her proud go silent. As he was. Do you miss me?, she wanted to ask. But she didn’t.

° - ° - ° - ° - ° - °

As soon as they reached her apartment, she paid her share and went to unload her suitcase. As she turned at the car’s back, she was met by Cassian with both their luggages waiting on the sidewalk. The taxi went away and they were on her doorsteps.

“I do,” he said.

“You do what, exactly?”

“I do miss you.” How could he know what she was thinking? “I know you, Nes. I know it was difficult for you saying those things. We made mistakes. And I do miss you.”

He advanced toward her, and she felt her heart feeling at rest. This was right, so why did they do it wrong the first time? The sun was high in the midmorning blue sky and the light made him glow. Or maybe was the aftermath of the last five days.

“I just ask you to be more present,” he started again, “Give me some cuddles and similar” he lifted a hand and pulled some hair behind Nesta’s ear and the burning started anew, “you can even read me whatever book you have in your hands and explain things to me. I just ask not to be left outside a closed door. On my part, I’ll do anything I can to come home earlier and give you all the attentions and support you need.”

Nesta stood on her toes, and he bowed so she could rested her brow against his. “I’m ready to put a stop to my break, Nes. Would you accept me again?” Tears streamed down her face, even if she tried to keep the mask on. She could feel the need to always be by his side, to share her life with him, to laugh and love again. She nodded. “I need to hear your voice to be sure this is what you truly want, Nes.”

Nesta took a long breath and declared “I accept you”.

Trembling, Cassian kissed her and for once, she didn’t care if they had audience or not.

Once again, her world was right.

Once again, his world was complete.

— — —

I hope you enjoyed reading! Cassian and Nesta are characters so interesting that when @azrielshadowssing told be I had to write the last chapter for them my head went blank! How to write complex characters? How to make them make up? I hope I made the characters justice in that regard.

[highladyjane]

Yes Elriel is so Healthy and full of passion when Azriel hasn't thought beyond his sexual fantasies ( he masturbated to headache powder 🤮 ) . You want Elain to be with a guy who thinks of her as only the third sister and doesn't even think about the consequences of Luciens Death On Elain ? Have you forgotten the part that Said mates would mad if their other half died ? And please don't start on the cauldron made them fake mates bullshit , the cauldron doesn't decide mates the Mother does 🙄

Thank you for your short rant and for being interested enough in my thoughts and opinion to warrant me with an Ask 😊

I don't really know which of my posts this directly pertains to, so I will just assume it's because I'm generally pro-Elriel. I do like Lucien as a character though, I just simply don't ship him with Elain.

Knowing myself, this will end up longer than intended since this did spark a bit of reflection for me, so I will try to stay as relevant and short as I possibly can 😅 So, to actually answer your Ask...

1. Ehm, it's not the headache powder he's masturbating to 😆 It's who gave it and what it might imply: that Elain sees him too, as well as the hope and possibilities of her liking him back after him being in love with someone else for 500 years who never returned his feelings. Hopefully, you've had the experience of fantasizing about a crush sometime? Sometimes feelings can be so consuming that one's fantasies simply strays to the explicit. We wouldn't have the ACOTAR books if it wasn't for those kind of fantasies. Also, in no way do I find Elriel "full of passion" since they haven't even got a chance to act on said passion - which is why Azriel chooses to please himself through thoughts of her instead of actually going down to a pleasure hall and a series of other women and the consequences of that... Which for you is more healthy? Are we going to ignore the times Nesta and Cassian masturbated to the thought of each other too? I don't even want to go down the path of what Nesta did in the start of her story (nor about her very particular "daydream" at that) because she thought she didn't deserve Cassian... Though I think it's what led to Nesta and Az having such a great understanding of each other too, btw 😊

2. I think Azriel knows of the consequences of what will happen (he should at least be old enough to know lol) which is why he's trying to avoid Elain and acting on his feelings for her. He knows what a mating bond implies. But he's questioning why he didn't get the third sister because he's clearly feeling a sort of pull towards that third sister specifically (not necessarily implying a bond here). He just hasn't planned for what will happen if Elain actually acts on/chooses him, because he doesn't think she will and because he doesn't think he deserves her. I don't think he'd ever kill Lucien just because; but what I think he asserts is that if it were to come to it, he would have the right to defend himself, Elain's choice, and be the one to walk away from it (remember Az vs Eris+Beron at the HL meeting and who overpowered who? + Feyre musing about Lucien in comparison to the Illyrians?) so it's not Lucien he's worried about. I'd think he'd even let Lucien win just to avoid whatever it might cause Elain and because he has enough self-loathing and insecurities for it. But I reeeeeally doubt it will come to that, since it doesn't feel like Lucien's too desperate or to keen on keeping the bond either. I mean, I can see him being upset, but he seems to feel equally "shackled" in the situation since he "can't even stand to be in the same room as her for more than two minutes" (ACOFAS ch. 18). From what Lucien's shown, he's been respectful enough about the distance between him and Elain, so I think, especially considering the connection of this plot to what his mother went through, he'd be respectful of what Elain chooses too - even if the hurt or bond might affect them both for the rest of their lives. I think he'd want true love for himself too, and not just a bond "that sometimes picks poorly[...] and is nothing more than some pre-ordained guesswork as to who will provide the strongest off-spring[...] not an indication of true, paired souls.". Also, they haven't even accepted the bond, so it's not really like Feysand level yet, and I'm not completely sure how that would affect one if the other were to die... I mean, Lucien hasn't even reacted or mentioned anything about what it felt like when Elain was taken... But someone else did 👀 I do hope that's explored in the next book somehow.

3. Ehhm... Well... Azriel questioned the Cauldron, not the Mother. Also to quote Rhys in ACOWAR Ch. 24: "Many mated pairs will try to make it work believing the Cauldron selected them for a reason". So it is the Cauldron being questioned here - and guess what CC3 confirmed 👀. I don't think Elain and Lucien are fake mates, but I'm open to the theories about it. I don't even want Elain and Azriel to be mates. I just like them together because their feelings have had a chance to grow more organically, so it feels more natural for Elain to choose him, and that Az will finally get chosen after all that he's been through (Mor + his family + the things he did for Elain etc.). To me, he's worthy. If she chooses Lucien, then I need a really good set-up for it - one that's even better than what Elriel already has imo. And most importantly, one without her losing her agency. I actually want Elain to choose to explore her bond with Lucien, just to see what it's like and what could be since it will create more angst 😆. I think she's slowly but steadily moving on from the Cauldron incident, enough to forgive him even though it wasn't directly his fault. But I don't think it too necessary, since I wouldn't want to be forced to interact, settle, or love someone I simply don't want to be with. I've personally been in that situation too many times. Love can surely grow, but it cannot be forced if it isn't there to begin with, whether or not you already have your heart set on someone else.

Lucien wants and deserves someone who (to quote himself from ACOWAR Ch. 24:) readily loves him "without question, without hesitation" and who will choose him back. Just like Jesminda did - despite the implications and consequences, and it was why he'd loved her. I want to see Lucien with someone who's a bit more like what he himself seem to prefer prior to the bond that "was thrown at him" - the kind of people he's consistently got along and chosen to be with. Elain is too polite and soft for him and he's known for liking people who snaps back, who teases and taunts him - like Feyre, who he got close to because she never balked from him nor from doing just that... And Vassa sounds similar to Jesminda in spirit (wild and free etc.) and he's actively choosing to live with her... Maybe Elain has some of those traits in her too, she seems to be growing some claws after all. But does she have to change herself just to fit into his type just because of their bond; or can she continue to stay in her essence with someone who already likes her for her even without a bond?

I do think Elain and Lucien can at least be friends and have a great understanding - they've both been dragged through everything after all (Elain with her sisters, Lucien with Tamlin, and both by the baddies obvi) and just tried to make the best out of everything despite both not being the most useful of people early in their stories, and both trying to rectify themselves. So they have that in common at least... And I think that's left room for the growth and healing that Sarah's pertained to and that they'll have to face and address in the upcoming book(s). So whether it is about Elain or Lucien, I believe it will be about Choice, and what they both equally want and deserve. Which I think is True Love - despite any bonds.

I feel like this has gotten absolutely too long, so I'll stop here 😵‍💫😅 I hope my answers suffices your questions 😊

[unhealthyfanobsession]

Hiiii !! I love your fanfiction I was just wondering if there would ever be a moment where Nesta chooses to stay with Cassian? Since she can’t because he’s made it clear that he wouldn’t let her, I love the dynamic they have now I was just wondering because I would love for Cassian to come to a moment where he realizes that he doesn’t want Nesta to be like his mother and Nesta chooses to stay because she wants to and not because she has to !! I hope this doesn’t come across as mean or anything because that’s totally not how it’s meant to be.

I assume this is about Amidst the Madness - I actually find this interesting and want to tease it out a bit because I didn’t intend for Cassian to be giving the vibe that he doesn’t want Nesta to stay in Illyria. I don’t think Cassian has made anything clear other than that Nesta is his and he wants her as close to him as humanly possible at all times, including in his house in Illyria.

He opened the door wider, “You are welcome here whether the sky is light or dark or raining fire.”

From a plot perspective of what I’ve mapped out - there’s a whole lot of war to get through before the question of where Nessian is going to end up is on the table, but rest assured that is a decision that will be made very much together if they both survive (oops)

[vampire-exgirlfriend]

Ten characters. Ten fandoms.

Thanks for the tag @theradioactivespidergwen 🖤 I love this!

1. Aemond Targaryen

I don't think any of us are surprised by this. Aemond is...the boy is everything to me. He's let himself become so warped and tortured by his trauma that recovery and self betterment were never an option. He's full of rage, he's cutting off pieces of himself to stay Mommy's good little boy, he's begging his father via his actions to notice him, notice him, notice him. The toxicity is off the charts and I would give my life for this scared child in a man's body.

2. Nesta Archeron

Nesta is a stone cold bitch and I would die for her. This woman, barely not a girl, was ready to sell her body to ensure a better life was possible for her sisters, and the entire time she was denigrated by Feyre for "doing nothing" because what she did was woman's work. Who do you think did the cooking? The cleaning? The clothes mending? She helped end a war. She was violated. She had her autonomy stripped from her. She was not allowed to process her trauma in the way that came naturally to her because it was a mirror that Rhys couldn't handle looking in. Very few people deserve a happy ending as much as she does.

3. Kylo Ren

Give me a character that is tortured by their actions and the legacy of their past and I will show you my favorite little baby in the whole world. He's so alone. He doesn't know his way in the world. He can't live up to his mother or uncle or father or grandfather and it's eaten away at something vital inside of him, leaving him rotting. The mental torture and abuse he's endured at the hands of Snoke have twisted him into something unrecognizable. And I love him, damn it.

4. Ophelia

She is hope. She is madness. She is full of life and love and all of the things the people try to chip away at as we grow up. This rendition of Ophelia stands above the rest for me because she was finally given the opportunity to set aside her suffering and continue on, even if it's with the knowledge of what genuine pain feels like.

5. Zuko

Are we really surprised by the addition of another angry young man searching through vindication and the reclamation of his honor by living up to the expectations of people who never truly cared about them? This list has a theme apparently. Zuko had one of the best and most rewarding character arcs of all time and his journey is one I literally watch over and over. Also Zutara forever.

6. Sansa Stark

Sansa is all of the things that were conditioned not to like when it comes to a character. She's feminine and a little whiney and naive. She's fodder for torture. And yet she's also one of the strongest characters in this entire series, both book and show (boo hiss). Sansa Stark turns her fear into hope and her hope into strength and I will never not love her.

7. Fleabag

I am her. She is me. Fleabag will never fail to rip my entire heart out and feed it back to me. She's awful. She's incredible. She's in pain. She's stumbling through life in the dark and using her suffering as a marker on the map.

8. Astarion

The theme continues. Suffering? Check. Insurmountable pain? Check. Using his body as a way to ensure his safety? Check. Saved via the power of love and friendship? Check. Astarion's arc follows a typically feminine-coded route and I was obsessed from the get go with this cunty little man. I want to wrap him in a blanket burrito. I want to sink my teeth into him. I want to spray him with a hose.

9. Eddie Munson

I'm not sure I've ever loved a character quite like I've loved Eddie Munson. The absolute heart of gold inside that poorly tattooed chest literally fuels me. He's insecure. He's an asshole. He's kind. He's angry. He's unsure of his place in the world. I will forever ignore the senseless tragedy of his death. It never happened. Nope. No. If I loved him less, I could talk about it more.

10. Dani Clayton

Dani Clayton, the love of my life. Though she weeps and trembles and avoids at all costs, there is no one stronger than Dani. She's suffered since the beginning and never let it stop her, not until she had to save the woman she loved by giving her very life. Tortured, haunted, so full of grief that it had nowhere to go. I would literally die for her.

No pressure tags: @jadore-andor @emilykaldwen @massivecolorspygiant @corrabell @cheesybadgers @ladylannisterxo @niocel @middimidoris

[tadpolesonalgae]

cbmthy 5 is so good, you never fail. i'm so happy to see reader fight with eris word for word i just wish she did the same with azriel. if she hit azriel with that "not everyone wants to waste their life being miserable and bitter" he would probably cry lmao. no but he's actually starting to get me mad because he did good in coming to talk to her after the shit show but then i realized he wasn't even going to apologize, it was just to try to know more. are you planning on writing anything from azriel's perspective at all? i just feel like at this point him being so dismissive of her feelings is weird since i feel like in the books azriel is a good listener and he understands other's feelings well (we can tell by how he saw nesta in acosf) so it would make sense that he's not trying to be mean here but just keeps saying the wrong things unintentionally, it would also help him to not come across as irredeemable tbh because right now (and i cant believe im saying this) eris is being better with her than azriel. though i think part of that is that she doesn't like eris like she does azriel so she just doesn't care about what he has to say much.

i think it's also a testament of how azriel jusr doesn't really take notice of her that he thinks she can't comprehend why eris is dangerous or whatever, like he genuinely never paid attention to her to know she's actually smart and since he has shadows and all that to tell him these things, he really just never gave it a thought lol she should slap him like she did eris

i hope we get to see her more with the ic though, like i like the eris thing she has going on and it would be fun to see them more but if the endgame is for her to stay in the night court i hope we get to see her more with them, especially with the last part where she doesn't even like saying they're her family (even if it's partly because of her wanting to sit on azriel's face). i think it would be good to see her ask feyre or even rhys the same question she did eris, or other things she doesn't understand well and i dont know what you're doing with her powers but i wish she'd show them instead of them finding out because i can see how they would feel a little betrayed that eris knows but not them and at some point her not telling them makes it feel like she doesn't trust them and like i said if she's supposed to stay in the night court i hope they're good to her. speaking of powers i can't believe eris' bitchass figured it out and didn't tell her (yes i can, the little asshole) but im so excited to see what they are. she glows like starfall and eris connected the dots when she was talking about the mother 🤔

it's also interesting how you bring up the science being a blasphemy thing into it because i never even thought of it since for us science is the real thing and there's no proof god is real but for them the mother is definitely real so i get that science could rub some people the wrong way. it would be fun to see her with helion since there's so many scholars in day court and it's something she likes but i feel like we're more focused on eris here

Sorry for taking so long to answer this 🫠

I’m completely with on you anticipating the beginning of reader managing to stand up for herself! Also getting to see how Azriel will respond when she starts vocalising her emotions, because at the moment she really doesn’t know how to even start on that when it comes to him 😬😞

Her communication skills really 📉 when Azriel.

With Azriel not really taking notice of her, I suppose it is partly that he was more focused on Elain in the past, but reader definitely has some reclusive tendencies (she really loves her books—though at the expense of social interaction, sometimes😭) that I’m not sure I’ve properly highlighted, so I’ll work on that because it’s an important part :)

Honestly the Az pov is a really good idea, since it would help clarify why he’s acting so strangely in Reader’s pov, so thank you for that!

‘(even if it's partly because of her wanting to sit on azriel's face)’

😭😭😭 no you didn’t—

For real though, she’s a bit confused about her sexuality and the idea of being a woman, give her a moment to figure herself out—human society wasn’t exactly encouraging about women enjoying themselves or having any agency/autonomy 😞

Definitely agree about having more IC content since the most they’ve been in CBMTHY is the bday part where their image was a little conflictive? I think it’s important to show how various misunderstandings have happened over the years, and how strange behaviour kind of slipped by because that’s the only way they’ve known her :/

We’ve already seen in acotar that attitudes toward women differ depending on where you are, so I don’t think it’s unreasonable that in places like the Night and Day Courts that attitudes toward science would be more modern, whereas Autumn’s pretty set in its ways 🍁

[deeaselriel]

Seeing people call Elain abusive is odd to me… I mean, yea, she should’ve done more for Feyre, that’s not an excuse. But if anyone was abusive to Feyre out of the two sisters, that’s Nesta. Besides the fact that she didn’t help Feyre with anything as the oldest daughter, she also treated her like crap and insulted her on a daily basis. Now, that’s what I call bad and abusive. But let’s get past that, WHY ON EARTH IS ELAIN ABUSIVE? That girl barely talks tbh… We all do agree that she had to help Feyre, be more close to her, etc etc. But I do feel that it was just her persona to cower in the back and even if she wanted to do something there was Nesta that put her in her place! I think we even saw it in ACOSF how Nesta started to mistreat Elain the second ELAIN DARED TO DO A THING OR TWO BY HERSELF! When she TALKED BACK to Nesta. And also their mother used Elain as only a pretty face and basically said she’s not useful for anything else. So that resulted in Elain being quiet and staying in the back and Nesta becoming some kind of mother for her, and I KNOW Nesta was always “defending” Elain, but she was so possessive and toxic, that it kept Elain kinda in a cage. Again, In ACOSF we saw how Nesta treated Elain when she lost the control over her. The way she treated Feyre bc she was more “wild” and she couldn’t control her. Soooo, I don’t wanna see y’all again call Elain abusive, that’s literally too much. 💀💀💀 Stop being biased and speak the facts. She did very wrong, true, but she acknowledged that and apologized and she’s currently trying to repair the rs with Feyre.

Also, I’m tired of seeing people putting these sisters against each other constantly? I mean, I get it in a way with Nesta bc even I can’t ever forgive her till the end, bc Imo she had no reason to be THAT b!tchy and controlling and spiteful… especially with her baby sister (s). But, I don’t get why y’all say that Elain is being fake to Feyre? Bro?? Or that Feyre doesn’t actually like her and all lol… In fact, there are many times in the books where Feyre talks very beautifully about Elain, even if she (El) was also not helping her while they were humans and all. It was pretty obvious that Feyre didn’t had that many issues with Elain bc El was never rude to Feyre, she never insulted her; she was just… there. I know it’ll sound odd; but Elain is more complex than y’all could ever think. I’m telling you. She’s quiet and she’s sometimes zoning out, she’s lost, but most of all, SHE IS OBSERVING things. And now that she is free from Nesta’s “wings” she can actually do things for herself and choose for HER. There’s no one to talk for her anymore, or make choices for her, or acting like they know the real her when in fact… she’s an enigma for most of them lol. (Side note: Rhysie kinda makes choices for Elain with that order he gave to Az, but that’s another thing lmao, now I’m waiting for the forbidden love 💕)

Anyways, sorry for the rant, it just made me mad seeing those things about Elain. Like, I understand you hate her, but try and understand her character and read those books a billion times to see why she was even that way. And not that it was an excuse, but even Feyre points out a few things about her. You stan Feyre, listen to what your fave says/ thinks. ✨

[nestaismommy]

I really don't know how people put up with it.

Yesterday I commented on why Rhysand doesn't like Nesta, and of course someone came from the other side of the fandom. I really don't know how to fight, when I was little I was unable to give an opinion about something at home that my mother would start a fight saying I was wrong. I showed her evidence showing that I was right, but it was impossible for me to gain anything from her, she did everything to be right, even if it meant being wrong. We are very different in that, I know how to admit when I'm wrong but she doesn't. So I never learned to fight for myself, defend myself, defend my opinion and rights, even when I prove that I'm right, I still tremble whenever a fight starts, because of that, even if it's online.

But back to the person who came to fight me... As soon as I saw that they had commented I started to panic, and of course, to shake too - and I'm technically new to Tumblr, so I don't know how to use it very well, I didn't know I had how to deactivate the comments for nobody to comment - because as I explained well, I don't know how to defend myself. Another person came and then everything got worse, I started desperately looking for how to deactivate comments because I'm obviously a coward and I wanted to run away from any fights, when I finally figured out how to deactivate comments I just replied to this person and before closing them I asked him politely to leave because I was just giving my opinion and trying to join a community that understood me - this side of the fandom - and I immediately turned comments off.

How can you do that? Defend something/someone you like, defend yourself, how? As soon as I saw what they were talking about, I started to shake. I really don't think this is for me lol. I'd better stay in my lurking corner, agree with everything you say, and read the fanfics of this little community of ours.

Hi Anon ❤️

It’s not as easy as it looks. I used to be like that too, I thought I was the only one.

I think that by time, you get used to it. I’m always prepared for any response I might get, I also realized that haters say the same thing over and over again. Usually when I get attacked, I take it as more of a discussion rather than an argument because at the end of the day, you have to remind yourself that this is all ink on paper. That it’s not worth the stress. I made friends who help me defend my favorite character and myself. I think having a lot of mutuals who share the same opinion as you helps. My mutuals help me a lot, even if they don’t know that. I defend Nesta when people are being unfair and misogynistic, but I don’t defend her mistakes. I’m not doing anything wrong, that’s what matters.

I think the hardest part about TUMBLR is posting for the first time and not knowing anything about how the community is like here. I was clueless when I posted, I immediately got attacked. I deleted. I didn’t post anymore. Then I saw so many people defend Nesta with their blood, sweat and tears, and it made my rethink my decision. There are so many things I wanted to say but was always too afraid to. I think we should all have the chance to express our opinions without getting attacked. So I posted again, got attacked, and I didn’t stop. I kept on posting until I made a lot of friends here. I was told that their are certain people who go through hashtags just to hate on Nesta lovers. I was sent the usernames of the problematic accounts, I blocked them and I stopped getting hate.

Sometimes this isn’t for everyone. Some people prefer to turn off the comments, so that they can express their opinions freely. I support that, even I do that sometimes. Especially on TikTok. Also, I usually find it hilarious when I hit a nerve and everyone gets mad and pressed over a fictional character. I mean, there was this one person who told me that Nesta putting herself in danger by going near the wall to look for Feyre is the bare minimum because sisters are supposed to take care of each other, and she shouldn’t be praised for that, so I said “well Feyre putting herself in danger by going out to hunt for her sisters is the bare minimum because sisters are supposed to take care of each other” they got so mad and it was hilarious.

Either way, If you need help, don’t hesitate to message me. If you want those accounts, so that you can block them and decrease the amount of hate you can get, just ask and I’m here. If you need someone to support you, I’m here. ❤️