#next rant coming in tomorrow probs

[dramaticteenagepoetry]

and when i finally run out of tears

i’ve got my words still

and it’ll be ink streaming down my face

leaving stains like a city’s midnight sky

with washed out stars by the artificial lights

[itskybabes-blog]

Duke Dennis Drabble

Duke Dennis x fem!reader (no face claim but poc!reader friendly)

Part two: The Confession

Disclaimer: this is written by a dyslexic person – please forgive any grammar and spelling errors

TW: swearing, drinking and using derogatory language

Plot: After your big night at an AMP pool part (that you probs won’t remember tomorrow), you finally let your lil’ secret slip.

Word count: 672

ICYMI: part one

“What the fuck am I doing?” You slurred back in confusion. “What the fuck are you doing?”

You rise up from the bed and try to point your finger at him, but stumble forward because you was unaware of your own strength. Duke has to catch you before your pearly whites were scattered all over his floor.

“See, man,” Duke whines with you in his arms, “this is what I’m talking about”.

You move out his arms and squint your eyes at him, trying to focus on all three of him at once.

“Y/N, you can’t stand up straight. You got yourself stupid drunk and started twerking on everyone. Your nipple was fucking hanging out like you’s some fucking whore or sum,” Duke rants.

“Whore?!” – you sober up real quick – “You’re calling me a whore?” you exclaim back, shoving finger quotation marks in his face.

“Meanwhile, you’re here, throwing this stupid party full of thirsty clout-chasing bimbos who only wanna suck your dick, get your Ps and cut! Fucking lodging your tongue down some random girl’s face – you’d be lucky to not have herpes, right now!” You lay into him, using whatever left over competence you have. Dutch courage is certainly real.

“Whore?” You said again, this time with a soft chuckle - which we all know is not good. Duke knows you found nothing funny but couldn’t care because “you’re a fucking embarrassment!”

“Oh my fucking gosh, more fucking names,” you said with a dramatic sigh. You begin to pace around: “What else am I? A slut? A bitch? What else am I, Duke? Tell me!”

You end up in a couple centimetres away from Duke with a face full of fire and push him weakly (pathetically) away from her. His look of disgust softens – maybe he was being a little harsh.

So, he takes the punk move: “You know what, I don’t care. This is not even worth it, man. Fucking drunk!”

That one snapped a heartstring. Duke’s back faces you as he had his hand on the knob.

“You don’t care? You never cared about me, did you?” You come back at him.

“What?” He looked back, utterly confused you’d ever say that.

“You never fucking cared. I’m meant to be someone special to you – your best friend – and you only ever want me around when you don’t have a fuck buddy around. When you need a girl to make you look good when your hotline hoe ain’t picking up,” you start to spew some of your deep feelings.

Duke lets go of the handle and leans against the door. “Y/N, I-“

“You don’t fucking care about me. I fucking hop on a 2-hour flight weekly to see your ass and look all pretty for your stream. Then, you kick me out to entertain a next bitch, passing me off to the rest of the bros like I’m some community hoe. You never fucking cared about me. You never fucking did. You-“

“Are you jealous?” Duke saunters back to you, grinning. His diamond grill playing tricks with your hooded eyes.

“Huh? Where you get that from?” You feel your cheeks burn, turning your head to the side.

“As a friend, you care too much about my roster,” Duke tries to explain. He drops his head to try and make you look him in the eye, but you keep avoiding his accusatory gaze.

“You talking like we fucking or sum,” Duke continues to press you.

“Why would I want you, like, what? Like, that’s- Ha! Ewwww,” you try to act repulsed but you never got an A in drama. Your acting skills are subpar.

“Oh, OK. Just know: I’d drop my roster just for you.”

Your head whips around and look Duke square in his face. A goofy and toothy smile plasters across his face.

“You fucking play too fucking much. You can’t be trying to tease me and shit. Why would I fucking want you? You never cared about me before, why the fuck no-“ Duke’s pillowy lips press intensely on yours.

“Girl, shut up.”

“Yes, sir.”

A/N: here’s the second part! Now, I really hate writing smut so pls forgive me but I’m skipping over that. Pls enjoy this quick update :)

[armadil-lo]

hey so remember how my sister constantly treated me like shit and i decided i’d had enough and cut her out of my life six months ago?

well, i decided to give her another chance because she’s moving all the way across the country again tomorrow (back up near auckland, but a few hours’ drive further north), and i felt kinda weird about leaving things unspoken with her moving so far away. so we met up at my work a few days ago and talked things through. (or rather, i finally told her my side of things - though i should have realised her lack of genuine apology even after that was suspicious.)

but we only had a couple hours to catch up before i had to work that day, so i was like “why don’t you come over to mine on christmas? that way we’re not both alone on the day, that might be nice.” and she agreed.

but today, instead of spending christmas together, she refused to come over and instead picked a fight with me. all the classic things, y’know; attempted guilt tripping, blaming me for her being so disorganised, accusing me of not caring, not understanding my side of things, refusing to back down when i tried to be calm at first because i really didn’t want to fight again.

but of course, eventually i snapped. i’m literally not going to put up with that again. if she wants to start arguments with me and treat me like that only a few days after we tentatively made up after not talking for six months - and on the day before she moves across the country - then that’s her problem. i don’t have to deal with her if she clearly hasn’t learnt anything from me cutting her off the first time.

i honestly don’t know what i was expecting by giving her another chance. she only ever disappoints me. and now i wish i never had because i feel like an idiot and she’s literally ruined christmas. i should have seen it coming. the couple days we were talking again like normal was nice, but it wasn’t worth it. all she does is manipulate and guilt trip and place blame and start shit when it’s totally unwarranted and unnecessary. and i do not need that in my life.

i’m not giving her anymore chances. she’s hurt me enough, and i’m not going to let people get away with thinking they can treat me like that.

[marciliedonato]

The vaccine people really do NOT want me to get the booster lmao 💀💀 please just give me the ouchie so I can kiss some emos this summer sir

[falcqns]

I know that I'm boring and that you'll probably block me if I request something again, but you're the only one who always writes request, so thanks in advance. ❤💕 Well, I thought of this, Henry as my husband entered the bedroom where I'm in bed with Kal sleeping barely covered by a blanket in panties only because I started to sleep like this like Henry. It can be always smutty smut like you perfectly write it. ❤

Big Brat

Pairing: Henry Cavill x Reader

Warnings: Smut! Fluff, bratty Henry (like big brat), use of sign language, slight angst at the end 

A/N: I would never block you love! I absolutely love getting requests! I’m sorry this took so long to get to, I just started my second semester of college, and I have way more classes, plus a baby and some other drama which I’ll probs rant about later lmao. I hope you enjoy!

Henry had been downstairs in his office, playing Cyberpunk for hours. Due to an injury on set, he couldn't film, so he was stuck at home. You had hung out with him for a few hours while he played, but eventually made your way upstairs when you became too tired.

“Text me when you’re done so I can help you up the stairs, kay?” You had asked. He agreed with a smile. His injury wasn’t too bad, but he still had trouble going up and down the stairs, and his pain got worse at night, so you made it your full time job to help him. 

However, you should have known he wouldn’t listen. While he was grateful for your help, when he glanced at the clock and saw that it read 2:13 am, he knew he wouldn't wake you. He wasn’t THAT injured. 

He saved the game, and turned off the computer before slowly limping his way out of his office. He glanced around the downstairs of his home, and didn't see Kal, so he knew that the big bear was upstairs with you. He took a deep breath before making the journey up the stairs. 

He walked into the room, and his breath caught in his throat. You were nestled under the covers, with Kal snoring beside you. You had pulled the majority of the blanket to your chest, and had your right arm and right leg thrown over top of it, cuddling it. His eyes made the journey from your face, down your body, and stopping when he noticed you weren't wearing any pants, only blue panties.

He let out a low groan, and quickly stripped out of his clothes, before sitting down on the bed in his boxers.

He pet Kal in between the ears, gently coaxing the Akita awake.

The bear let out a low growl before turning to look at his dad in annoyance, sending a chuckle through Henry’s chest. 

“Sorry, buddy, daddy’s gotta go to bed so you have to move,” He whispered, and watched in amusement as the dog grunted in annoyance, but complied, jumping off the bed and making his way to his own.

Kal jostled the bed as he jumped off, which woke you up. 

“Henry? Why didn't you text me?” You asked, and watched as he slowly laid his body down, gripping his injured leg and easing it up and onto the bed.

“You were asleep, I didn’t want to disturb you,” He reasoned, as his head hit the pillow.

You sighed in annoyance, propping your arm up on your elbow, your head in your hand.

“You could have hurt yourself more,” 

Henry scoffed, and ran his fingers through your hair. “But I didn't,” He whispered, and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips. You smiled into the kiss, your annoyance melting away the second his skin touched yours. “God, you look beautiful.” He mumbled into the kiss, his left hand running up your legs and coming to rest on top your panty covered hip.

You giggled whilst pulling away. 

“Hen, your doctor said no strenuous activity for a least two weeks while your leg heals,” You reminded him, a knowing smile on your face. His head fell back once more, before sighing. “You don’t want to have to tell Lauren that you can't film for even longer because you had sex with your wife and hurt your leg even more, do you?” 

He gave you a side eye look. “No.” You chuckled as he covered his bare chest with his arms, crossing them. “it’s not fair,” He complained.

You rolled your eyes, and laid down. “Sometimes life isn't, my dear.” All you got was a grunt in response.

You rolled over, laughing at your husbands childish antics. You threw the comforter over your body, and tossed some to him, choosing to ignore the way he pushed it off moments later, obviously deciding to be a brat about the whole situation. 

“I love you,” You said in a singsong voice.

“No, you don't.” He grunted, a sniffle following moments later. You flipped over and almost laughed in annoyance at what you saw. He had his arms crossed over his chest still, his eyebrows were furrowed in annoyance, and tears were streaming down his cheeks.

“Are you seriously crying because I won't fuck you?” 

He snapped his head to glare at you. “Yes,”

“Why?” You asked, exasperated at his attitude.

“Because, I walked in and saw my beautiful wife wearing the blue panties I bought for her while filming Mission, and she won't even let me sleep with her because I’ll ‘hurt myself’,” He said, putting the last two words in air quotes.

“First of all, you're being a brat, second of all, you will hurt yourself.”

He scoffed again before answering. “No, I won't!”    

You breathed out through your nose before continuing. “Hen, that’s exactly what you said about the stupid stunt! And guess what, you hurt yourself, which is why we’re in this stupid situation.”

He sighed, before rolling over, you following and rolling to the other side.

You felt him roll back a few minutes later and had to mentally prepare yourself for the sheer stupidity that was sure to spill from his mouth.

“You could ride me.”

You eyes flew open, and your body flipped to face him again. 

“What?”

“You heard me.” “Obviously I heard you, you dingus, but no, I am not doing that.” “Please?” He begged.

You laid down again, and closed your eyes. “I’ve said no. You haven't listened to a word I’ve said, argued about every little thing, and are refusing to stop being a brat and just go to sleep! Its almost 3 am,”

He sighed again, and you felt your patience running out. “But, baby-” He began to say before you lost it.

You sat up and threw the blankets off of you before tugging off the panties and tossing them on the floor. You pushed Henry on his back and climbed on him.

“Shut up.” You demanded, and he opened his mouth to speak, but you cut him off, your hand slapping to his mouth. “I said shut up. You’ve pissed me off, so I’m going to ride you until I cum, and then I’m going to bed. I don't give two shits wether or not you finish. Now. Shut. Up.”

His eyes widened, and his hands ran up your legs, before you slapped one of them.

“You don't get to talk, you don’t get to touch. You’re in trouble, this is your punishment.” He sighed in annoyance, but accepted his fate.

You fished him out of his underwear and to your surprise, he was rock hard. You pumped him a few times, and glared up at him when he let out a moan.

“I said no talking!”

He opened his mouth to speak, but decided not to, instead communicating through sign language.

‘Thats not talking.’ He signed. You mentally cursed yourself for helping him learn sign language when he saw you communicating with a child at work who was deaf.

“No sounds.” You growled. He rolled his eyes and brought his straight hand up from his neck to his chin and pointing at you.

“Yeah, yeah, fuck you too,” You said, before guiding him inside you.

You didn't give him time to adjust being inside you, instead you immediately started bouncing on him, and letting out moans.

Henry had his eyes squeezed shut, and his lip was trapped in between his teeth in an attempt to silence his moans. His hands were balled up and gripping the bedsheets underneath him as well.

You chuckled at him and stopped bouncing to grind your hips against his.

“If you would have waited until tomorrow morning, I would have willingly rode you,” You growled out, the pleasure from riding him quickly growing in your lower belly. “But, no, you had to be a stubborn little shit and piss me off.”

Henry locked eyes with you, pleading you to let him touch you. 

“I said no.” You grunted, riding him even faster. You could feel your clit catching on his hip every once in a while, and it was slowly bringing you to the edge.

By the look on Henry’s face, he was close too, but you didn't care about his pleasure. He had been selfish, now it was your turn.

You bounced on him as fast as you could, your head thrown back, and your hands gripping your husbands large pecs.

“Fuck, even when I’m mad at you, you still make me feel so fucking good,” You cried out. You were teetering on the edge, so you reached your hand in between your legs and rubbed your clit quickly, which threw you over the edge.

You came on Henry, crying and rocking, the waves of pleasure that crashed down on you seemly never-ending. 

You felt him tense up just as you were coming down from your high, and immediately moved off of him. He stared at you in confusion as you grabbed your panties off the ground and slipping them on, before grabbing your phone and walking towards the door.

You turned back to look at him. “I’m still very mad at you, so I’m sleeping in the guest room. If you touch yourself, I will not sleep with you until you’ve finished filming.” You said, before walking out the door, letting it slam shut behind you.

Henry sighed in desperation, but let you go. He’d make it up to you tomorrow, but he was too tired to do anything tonight, even finish himself off.

He rolled on his side carefully, and cuddled your pillow into his chest. He drifted off to the thought of you, wishing you were sleeping next to him.

[gingwrites]

Who Did This to You? (Yoonmin)

Whumptober Masterlist | BTS Masterlist

Summary: Jimin's (now ex) boyfriend becomes abusive, so Jimin leaves him and runs to Yoongi, who is waiting with open arms to patch him up.

or, whumptober prompt day 3: “Who did this to you?”

Tags: abusive relationships, non-graphic violence, non-graphic abuse

.

Jimin knew he’d made a mistake the second he walked in the door at 10:05, five minutes after he’d told his boyfriend he’d be home. It was a Friday night, and he’d gone out with a few of his best friends to get dinner. Traffic had been a bit heavier than he’d expected on his way home, but luck apparently wasn’t on his side.

The moment the front door clicked shut, the yelling had started. That wasn’t new. Two minutes after Jimin stepped foot into the living room, where he saw his very drunk boyfriend on the couch surrounded by beer bottles, the throwing had started. That wasn’t new either. And, five minutes after that, the hitting and punching had started. That was new.

Their relationship hadn’t always been like this, of course not, or else Jimin would never have stayed or agreed to live with the older man. It had started not long after Jimin had moved in, about a year into their relationship.

First it was just words. After a few months, words didn’t seem to be enough and it turned into throwing items around the apartment. Jimin had spent a fortune on replacing the decorative items that were easy to throw and somehow always within grabbing distance. 

It seemed like just throwing items in Jimin’s general direction wasn’t enough anymore either. 

Jimin had put up with the yelling, the insults, and having plates thrown at his head because he really did love his boyfriend, and honestly, he didn’t know what he’d do if they weren’t together. They did live together, but Jimin wasn’t paying rent. He did have a job, but it was only part time so he could still go to classes. Most of his money went toward school or food. He hadn’t been able to save up a lot of money.

There was also the fact that Jimin didn’t want his friends to find out. He knew he was in an abusive relationship. He knew he needed to get out before it got worse. But, he couldn’t find it in himself to do that. He didn’t want his friends to find out how stupid he’d been by staying with his boyfriend for this long. Jimin kept hoping that this was all just a phase and it would go away on its own. His boyfriend had been complaining about how stressful his job had become in the weeks leading up to the abuse starting.

Jimin knew that there wasn’t any reason his boyfriend could give that would justify the abuse, but he just couldn’t bring himself to do it.

At least, not until tonight. Tonight, he’d gone too far. 

Jimin’s whole body hurt. He could feel his head throbbing. He was pretty sure he had a black eye and probably some bruised ribs. At least it seemed like nothing was broken.

The apartment had been silent for the last fifteen minutes, and Jimin figured that his boyfriend had passed out in the bedroom. He’d left Jimin on the living room floor to deal with his injuries, not even sparing a glance back at him when he was done.

Dragging himself up slowly off the floor, wincing at how much it hurt to move, Jimin walked to the front door and grabbed his keys and bag from where he’d dropped them not even an hour before.

Opening the door as quietly as possible, Jimin slipped out and made his way to his car. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was going to do, but he was getting out of there.

Ten minutes into the drive and Jimin realized where his brain was subconsciously taking him. Yoongi’s apartment.

Jimin and Yoongi had been best friends for a couple years now. They’d met early on in Jimin’s freshman year at college, Yoongi a couple years ahead. They’d hit it off pretty quickly and found a mutual group of friends. Yoongi was Jimin’s person. And once upon a time, Jimin might’ve had a crush on the older man. 

That all changed when his boyfriend, no, his ex-boyfriend, came into the picture. Jimin had been smitten from the start, his crush on Yoongi taking a backseat. Yoongi had never liked Jimin’s boyfriend, but he saw how much Jimin cared about the other man, so he kept quiet. Most of the time. Jimin just hoped that Yoongi would take him in and help him now, even after he hadn’t listened to him.

A few blocks later, Jimin was pulling into the parking lot at Yoongi’s apartment complex. It took Jimin a few minutes to even get out of the car, body starting to get sore from the beating he took the hour before. He really wasn’t prepared to see what he actually looked like.

Grateful that the building had an elevator, Jimin quietly made his way to Yoongi’s apartment. Luckily, it was late, so nobody was around to see him in his sorry state.

Jimin paused outside Yoongi’s door, suddenly nervous. What would his best friend think of him? Would he still want to be friends? Would he take Jimin in now that he didn’t have anywhere to go?

Knocking three times before he lost his nerves even more, Jimin looked down at his feet, nervously swaying from side to side.

“Jimin?” Yoongi asked as soon as the door opened. “What are you doing here? I just saw you an hour ago. Is everything okay?”

Jimin finally looked up, causing Yoongi to gasp.

“What the hell happened? Who did this to you?” Yoongi quickly reached out to gently pull Jimin into his apartment, leading him to the bathroom so he could get his first aid kit. “It was him, wasn’t it? I’m going to kill that bastard!”

Jimin kept silent, not sure how to respond.

Gesturing for Jimin to sit on the counter, Yoongi leaned down and shuffled around in the cabinet until he let out a quiet ah hah! and pulled out a small first aid kit, setting it on the counter next to Jimin.

“This is the first time it’s happened,” Jimin felt like explaining after sitting in silence after Yoongi started cleaning one of the many cuts on Jimin’s face. “I promise. He hasn’t done anything near this bad before.”

“That doesn’t make it okay, Jimin,” Yoongi sighed.

“I know! I know!” Jimin rushed to interject. “I just...I don’t know. He wasn’t always this bad. He’s never hit me before. Sure, he’s yelled and thrown things at me, but he’s never stooped this low. And before you say anything, yes, I’m leaving him. I’m smart enough to know that it will only get worse from here. I just don’t know where I’m going to go. I wasn’t even paying rent. I don’t have that kind of money, not with only working part time.”

“You’re going to come here. Is that even a question?” Yoongi insisted. “What kind of best friend would I be if I let you live on the streets when I have a perfectly good spare bedroom?”

Jimin felt himself smile, but then let out a small hiss, his movements pulling open one of the cuts on his face.

The two sat in silence again, Yoongi slowly making his way across the cuts littering Jimin’s face.

“Maybe I did deserve it,” Jimin spoke quietly after the silence became too much for him.

“You definitely did not,” Yoongi insisted, straightening his back to look Jimin in the eye. “No one deserves that. And I don’t ever want to hear you say that to me again. You are the kindest, sweetest, most caring human being I have ever met. You did not deserve this in the slightest. He’s an asshole who needs to learn to control his anger and not take it out on other people.”

Yoongi paused for a moment, catching his breath after his small rant. 

“You deserve someone who will take care of you,” Yoongi continued passionately, turning his attention back to cleaning a cut on Jimin’s face so he didn’t have to look the younger man in the eye. “Someone who won’t use you as a punching bag. Someone who will treat you like the amazing person that you are.”

“Someone like you?” Jimin whispered?

Jimin felt Yoongi’s hand falter for a split second.

“Yeah, someone like me,” Yoongi replied. 

The hand Yoongi was using to clean fell to his side. He took another moment before finally looking at Jimin’s face, which was full of hope.

“But I don’t want to be a rebound or anything like that,” Yoongi said. “I know it’s going to take some time to get over him and move past what he’s done to you.”

“Will you wait for me?”

“No.” Jimin’s heart sank. “But only because I’ll be right next to you the entire way. And once you’re ready, you just let me know and I’ll be there.”

Jimin’s heart soared. He really had lucked out with someone like Yoongi.

“Thank you,” Jimin beamed. He quickly leaned forward and placed a quick peck on Yoongi’s cheek, his own cheeks heating up.

“Alright, no more talking,” Yoongi shook himself out of his shock after a moment. “Let’s get the rest of you cleaned up.”

The next day, Yoongi took Jimin to pack up his things from his apartment. And if Yoongi left with bruised knuckles, nobody needed to know.

.

.

And I'm still behind. Don't look at me. I'm trying, okay? Also, I'm trying for tickets tomorrow, so I probs won't be writing anything tomorrow unless that goes quickly. Who knows.

Please let me know what you think! And if you have ships you'd like to see or specific prompts (the full prompt list is linked on the whumptober masterlist), then please let me know! I'd love to hear them!

And follow me on twitter (@/yoongismandu)!

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #262

WoW will probably start to take over my life again tomorrow oof so expect surveys to slow down some.

What do you wish people wouldn't call you? The only one I don't really like is Girt calling me "kid." He doesn't mean it in a derogatory way or anything like that; he's just always called me that since I was a high school freshman and he was a senior. Now as an adult that's been through things I don't believe anyone deserves, it's kinda weird but more so frustrating as, regardless of his intentions, I somewhat feel belittled. I've never said anything directly about my discomfort, though, so it's my own fault. I just don't want to make him feel bad for doing it for years lmao. What do people say about your name upon learning it for the first time? They don't say anything; my name is very ordinary. Why did you choose the hair length you have? I have a few reasons. The biggest is because I was just bored of average, long hair, and the fact I was at the time having a very hard time with self-care. My hair would get incredibly knotted to where it was hard to even brush it sometimes. Makes me shiver thinking back on it. For my own sanity and ease, it needed to be gone. Also, with how STUPID hot I get, cutting it all off helped with the weight of my hair (it's v thick) but more importantly how hot it made me it the warm months. Zero regrets chopping it all off, omg. If your hair could be ANY color, what would you pick? At this very moment, I really want silver hair. Do you wish your hair was longer or shorter than it is now? It needs a trim. Do you think you're attractive? (It's okay to say yes =P) No; I think I wouldn't look ALL to bad if I lost some more weight (I've literally been on a weight loss plateau for two fuckin years). When I was perfectly healthy, I didn't think I was very pretty even back then, but now that I look back, I feel I was decently pretty. Not gorgeous, but. What is your favorite band? Ozzy Osbourne. :') What is your favorite movie? The Lion King. The second one is like directly behind it. Finding Nemo is also very precious to me. What is your favorite book or magazine? The Outsiders by S.E. Hinton and Johnny Got His Gun by Dalton Trumbo. What is your favorite song? Ugh, this is impossible. I love way way too many. I suppose maybe... "Death Inc." by Motionless In White? Idk. What is your favorite color to wear? Black, duh. If you could visit anywhere in the world, where would you go and why? South Africa because I want to spend time with and take pictures at the Kalahari Meerkat Project and especially pet a Whiskers meerkat. I WILL cry. Meerkats literally changed my life. So many people I wouldn't know... If you got the chance and wouldn't get caught, would you cheat on a lover? NOOOOO the guilt though. Someone drops a fifty dollar bill and doesn't notice. Will you tell them? Definitely. I'd feel awful otherwise. Would you ever pierce something on your face? I already have my lip and tongue pierced, and I did have my nostril pierced, too. I want more, particularly an undereye microdermal if I can switch to contacts... which I don't like. I think it'd look pretty dumb with glasses. Are you selfish? EVERYONE should be to a degree depending on the occasion. Doing what is best for you is not a bad thing. Are you mean to people who are different from you? Wow no. I find people "different" from me interesting. Do you make fun of obese people? By the BMI definition, I am one of those people. So take a guess? Do you eat when you're upset? I have to fight that extremely hard, because I usually do experience the impulse to comfort eat when I'm very depressed. I've gotten way better at it, though. What if you had to choose between feeding yourself or feeding your pets? I honestly don't know for sure what I'd do... but I think I would prioritize my pets, honestly. It would break me to watch them suffer and lose weight. What if you saw someone being beaten on the street? YOOOO I READ THIS AS "EATEN" FIRST. But anyway I'd call the cops ASAP. There's a possibility I'd intervene if I felt myself capable of taking on the assailant. What if it was you being beaten? According to the night terrors I've had beyond count, curse like a motherfucker and fight back while calling for help. Who's the most important person to you (related)? Mom. Who's the most important person to you (non-related)? Sara. What's more important to you, happiness or success? Happiness. What's more important to you, your happiness or someone else's? Depends on the person. List the ten most important things to you: Oh, yikes. No order: 1.) My peace of mind, health, and happiness; 2.) my family; 3.) my pets; 4.) my career future; 5.) my friends; 6.) a YouTuber I've never met lmao; 7.) my pebble from my partial hospitalization program; 8.) Teddy's ashes; 9.) the Mark mug Sara gave me sobs; 10.) and the RP site I'm on. Like if it disappeared tomorrow with all the profiles and history and stuff I would break the earth in half oof. Have you ever lived in a mobile home? No. Have you ever had your bedroom in a basement? No. How many times in the past week have you eaten fast food? Hm. I don't think once. In the house - shoes, socks, slippers or bare feet? Bare feet.\ Do you consider dogs inside or outside pets? Usually indoor, depending on the breed and the time of year. What’s your favourite piece of furniture in your house? ig my bed? Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s parent? Yikes no. Do you prefer carbonated or uncarbonated drinks? Sucker for carbonated over here. Favorite thing that you can see up in the sky? A full moon. Would you rather eat at the table or in your room? I'm so used to eating in my room. Do you like the sound of birds singing when you wake up, or is it annoying? I love it. If someone gave you a kitten, would you keep it? I'd love to, but it'd really be my mom's choice. What’s your ideal activity for a rainy day? Nap oh lawd. Favorite type of cracker? Cheez-Its. Banana sandwich... yum or yuck? Only yum with peanut butter. Animal you like to watch but sort of creeps you out: Spiders. Bagels or English Muffins? Bagels. Do you like to daydream about sex? I do it sometimes. Which of your parents do you laugh more with? My dad is really funny. Have you ever been to an open casket wake or funeral? Wake, yes. Who mows the lawn at your house? A family friend. Have you ever written a story from beginning to end? When I was little and was writing that meerkat story, yes. I started on the sequel but didn't get far. What’s a big turn on for you? Being genuinely interested in what makes me me. Actually wanting to know the littlest things about me. Just show sincere interest. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I do know I'm fuckin finally getting my laptop home. Does your car have a name? N/A Do you own clothes from any celebrity clothing lines? No, but a bitch is getting a Cloak shirt or hoodie at some point. Who was the last person you ranted about? My bitch of a cousin for being a disrespectful fuck when all my dying grandmother wants is to talk as a group with the whole family. I ranted to Mom though, not in the group chat because I'm actually mature enough to not talk shit when, again, all our grandma wants is peace and love between us at the end of her life. I was SEETHING. Know any magic tricks? I don't remember any. I LOOOOOVED those magic kits as a kid, though. Is there music in your head right now? Right now "Dirty Pretty" by In This Moment is on, so does that count as "in my head?" Would you like to become a dancer? It'd be very cool, most certainly, and due to taking dance classes so long, I tend to think of potential dances in my head when I hear like... any song, lol. I'd love to be one if I had the grace and endurance + no hyperhydrosis. Name one person of the same sex as you you wouldn't mind doing: Hunny I'm bisexual, there's a lot, lmao. Dream woman? Uhhhh. Maybe my friend Alon. She was like one of my first hints I wasn't straight, lmao. But idk, I find soooo many women to be attractive. What is the most gory film you've seen? One of the Saw movies. What a surprise, ik. Ever fallen down a hole? ZOINKS no. Do you work better in a clean or messy environment? Clean, durr. Do you know any vegans? Only online. Do you like bananas? I am VERY picky with bananas. They have to be perfect. My preferred ripeness lasts only like, two days. .-. What's a film you've seen that confused you? Oh boy, idk. I don't watch many films... especially if I'm confused and the plot isn't great, I'll stop watching. WAIT!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!! I went to see Warcraft when it came out and I was so fuckin lost just because the orcs' voices are so goddamn deep that I just sat there like "uhhhh sir come again????" I didn't play Classic, and I'm not great at remembering every aspect of the plot, so. I'm to this day p confused lmao. Do you ever wear black lipstick? I really only ever wear black. What is next to your bed? I have a white shelf to my left where I put my meds, a drink, the fan... that kind of stuff. My cat's food bowl is to the right of it on the floor. Are your fingernails dirty? Nope. Have you ever fell for someone believing you could "fix" them? Not for that reason, no. Describe a picture of yourself that you hate: LASKJDLKFJAOWJE my friend took a picture of me eating a hot dog once and joked she was putting that shit on Facebook and it was funny as shit but thank Christ she was in fact joking. Would you rather play a good or an evil character in a play? While I'd love to be the evil one, I'd probably make it too cheesy because I am a BAD actress. Has anybody ever lied to you just to impress you? Story of one of my "best" friendships. What's your favourite shade of blue? Baby blue, probs. Can you remember a world before iPods? I do indeed. On rides to school when I sat in the back, I would bring one of those portable CD players with me to play discs. Where did you go on your last date? I can't remember the place's name... Lume's? Something like that? Breakfast place in Illinois. Do people find you "cute"? It happens sometimes. Who does the best remixes? Oh idk, I don't pay much attention to this. Where do you get your news? Facebook, lmao. What social stigma does society need to get over? What DOESN'T it need to get over???? What was the last photo you took? Probably something funny on Facebook to send to Sara lmao. I will get memes to her some way. What mythical creature do you wish actually existed? As badly as I want to say dragons, I don't think it'd be a great idea, heh... Maybe dryads. What are you interested in that most people aren't? As of recently, TARANTULAS. I've fallen in LOVE with them. What's the most ridiculous thing you have bought? No clue. What sounds hit you with major nostalgia every time you hear them? The gem collecting sound from Spyro. It was my text ringtone on my last phone! I need to move it over to my current one. What was the biggest realization you have had about yourself? I was possibly the bigger villain than Jason in the breakup. But idk. What topic could you spend forever talking about? Gay rights. Which way should toilet paper hang, over or under? In the original patent, it was designed as going over. GMM knowledge. Therefore I find over as correct, BUT I ultimately don't care like... at all. I don't even really notice when I go in the bathroom. Are you usually early or late? Usually slightly early. What do you wish you knew more about? Politics so I could be a more helpful member of society alksdjfka;lw What is the most annoying question you've been asked? It's not really like, annoying I guess, but the closest would be just how frequently people see my lip ring and ask if it hurt. It's incredibly sensitive skin, and even if it wasn't, a needle went all the way through it. Like... guess. News flash: being stabbed hurts, lmao. Like I always explain that it's not awful, but duh, there is pain. What is your favorite milkshake flavor? Yummm chocolate. What was the worst phase in your life? 2020 thinks it's a bad guy, but lemme tell ya, shit's got nothing on 2016. Do you like sprinkles on your ice cream? I hate sprinkles on anything. Just an annoying texture with negligible flavor. The last time you went out to eat - what did you order? It was just a milkshake. Do you have all 32 teeth? I'm missing two wisdom teeth that just never grew in. Do you know how to do the moon walk? Never tried. What is one of your favorite comedy movies? White Chicks. Has anybody ever told you that you have a good singing voice? Yeah. I don't think I do. Onion rings or french fries? Fries. Not an onion ring fan. Who is the best cook that you know? Sara's mom is great, omgggg. She's cooked things I generally don't like yet I wound up enjoying. Can you name 3 different dinosaurs? Let's see: Spinosaurus, stegosaurus, velociraptor. I was a dino kid, man, just gettin' started. *finger guns* What's the largest amount that you can juggle at one time? I can’t juggle. What was your favorite thing to go on at the playground as a kid? I'd daaaash for the swingset. Do you know how much you weighed at birth? How much? Ummm I think 6-something pounds? 7? Where do you spend most of your time at? At home. In my bed. Exciting stuff, y'know. What noise does your favorite animal make? If my memory serves me right, they have over 40 vocalizations, but I'd say barking and chirping are the most ordinary/basic. Have you ever fallen in the toilet when you were little? lol I don't think so. What is the best kind of mac & cheese? I'm a basic-ass Velveeta bitch lmao. Who is your favorite oldies band? Boy oh BOY, you're asking a classic rock/metal addict. Of course it's Ozzy tho. But I love soooo many!! What is your favorite farm animal? Pigs! Do you like to play Monopoly? I'm not a big fan, no. What is the most fun restaurant you have ever been to? I like the vibe of Buffalo Wild Wings. Or I just have good memories there. What size bra do you wear? I'm actually not sure. I haven't bought new ones in a while and I don't think the ones I currently have are the right size anyway. Do you have a ceiling fan in your room? No. Who was your favorite Sesame Street character? I don't remember too well, but I think Cookie Monster? What about Muppet? Idr. What was going through your mind during the presidential campaign? I am sadly paying no attention. What do you think of the Duggar family ( 17+ kids )? Could you handle taking care of that many children? Ew, hell no. I don't believe the number of children warranted in a family should be legally monitored, it's much more difficult than that, BUT RATHER I'm very firm about knowing when it's more than enough. Population control is a thing. NOBODY needs that many kids imo, not even close to that. So far, what is the number one, best decision you have ever made? How has it affected your life? Letting go of Jason/accepting life without him. It has made my life much, much brighter and healthier. Have you reunited with any old friends recently? Was it awkward, or just like old times? No. When was the last time you talked to your first ex? February of 2017. Wow... been a long time. How different is your online personality from your offline personality? I am MUCH more outgoing and talkative online. What are your favorite holiday-themed movies? Jim Carrey's How The Grinch Stole Christmas, Hocus Pocus, The Nightmare Before Christmas, etc... Do you listen to Christmas/winter-themed music when the season comes around? No. Is there anything that you do that’s potentially controversial? Yes. What is your most recent obsession? Most recent, whew, tarantulas. I'm really gonna try talking Mom into letting me get one when/if we move. Do you say “merry Christmas” or “happy holidays”? To you, does it really matter which one is said/you say? Do you do your best to remain politically correct? Instinctually, I say "merry Christmas;" that's what has always been said around me. I personally see zero problem in calling it whatever... Like just appreciate someone wishing you well. You get the concept, and that's all you really need imo. As for political correctness, I'm kinda... down the middle? Like I feel it's been taken way, way too far, but I see some caution in wording as wise. If you could relive one week of your life, which would it be, and why? Would you do anything differently, or keep it all the same? Ugh, my first visit at Sara's. I just loved it so, so much. I think I wouldn't change a thing. It felt perfect. Is there a part of your life you wish you could remember, but can’t? Sometimes when I take these surveys and they ask "how old were you when...", ha ha. Frustrates me. What was the last thing/event to trigger a painful memory? It was last night, actually. The Final Fantasy VII remake is out, and I started watching a YouTuber I like play it. Jason got me to play the original, playing it a lot when we spent time together, but I only got a bit beyond half-way through before my PS3 broke. Cherished memories, so it was decently triggering indeed. I loved the game though and ABSOLUTELY want to see it played out in its entirety, so I shoved past the pain and am glad I did. Now I'm anxiously awaiting the next video aljkdsjfawe Y'ALL I wanna play more FF. What do you think of people that choose not to vote? I can't say anything, seeing as I never have voted before... Are you keeping anything from the people you love? Nothing important, no. Have you ever written a suicide note, whether joking or not? Yes, and that stupid novel is one of my biggest regrets. Who the FUCK would joke about that, though. When was the last time you let something ‘go to your head’? Not even like an hour ago. This happens allllll the time. When are you most likely to show off? Maaan Guitar Hero used to be good for that shit, ha ha. I was an expert at that back in its day. I haven't played it in forever, and on the rare occasion I do, I am suuuper rusty. Which would you prefer: spectacular view of the ocean, or of the mountains? MOUNTAINS!!!!!! Do you follow any dating rules/play any dating games? No. When was the last time you felt extremely confident about something? ME????????? CONFIDENT???????????? WHAT A CONCEPT!!!!!!!!!! When was the last time you blew the seeds off of a dandelion? Wow, not a clue. Probably not since we lived at my old house and I would go on walks down the path. What was the last thing that happened that you couldn’t explain? Oh I dunno. What do you do with all of your spare change? I just keep it in my wallet. Where did you hear about your all-time favorite band? He was and still is one of my mom's favorites! How many cans of soda do you drink in a day? AHHHHHH soda is my biggest nutritional weakness. I refuse to let myself drink more than one a day now though. It's funny and disgusting, when I was HEALTHY AND SKINNY I could on a rare occasion start a fourth can in a single day. Nowadays the thought almost makes me shiver. What is the oldest thing that you own? and the newest? The oldest thing, ummm. Not sure. Probably a stuffed animal in the attic. I just got two new books today! Is there anything you wish you had never found out about? Yep. A number of things. What is something that you refuse to believe in? Astrology. What is something you wish more people believed in? Gay rights. What food is your ultimate comfort food? Ice cream. Have you ever put anything inside a time capsule? What? OMGGGG I remember doing this in elementary school as a class! I don't recall what was in it, though. Is there too much violence on tv, or are people to sensitive? Too sensitive, but also negligent. It's got a lot to do with raising, imo. Don't show kids wild shit at too young of an age, and when they are shown this kind of stuff, you make it obvious that the behavior/content is unacceptable irl. Entertainment is not responsible for someone's shitty actions made with their own volition. What is something you used to fear, but no longer do? My first huge fear was thunderstorms. Now I enjoy them lol. Do you think it’s important to know a 2nd language? Not mandatory, no. Especially depends on if you're going anywhere. Do you know anyone that’s just naturally good at almost everything? My old friend Hannia IMMEDIATELY came to mind. She was the best in class GPA-wise, first chair for flute in band, and just in general STUPID talented. Do you know anyone that’s just bad at everything? BITCH ME What is one emoticon you use often? A sarcastic :^) or <3 What is one emoticon you almost never use? A lot, particularly ones with equal signs for eyes.

[macklives]

session 29 end

oh shit wait, its a new character, never mind. “peregrine mendicant” noice. sounds like a mix between pierogi and pellegrino.

and well, since this splits off, ill stop it there

also bc its midnight on the dot, im tired and probably gonna wake up early tomorrow. not sure ill have enough time to do a liveblog session considering ill be out like practically all day? but sunday for sure :)

bit tired to do a full on analogy of what i saw here as well, bc if i start ranting im pretty sure im going to come up with a whole entire different plot than what homestuck really is.

but ig we got the whole recap of the white/dark kingdoms going on, but this time we know theyre actually planets rather than whatever the fuck i thought they were. which is cool and im guessing wayward/the mayor (which im prob gonna call him now, since peeps on my discord have called him that more than they say wayward. also it sounds cooler and it is what he is) lives there. thats my theory. explains a lot. the hatred, how he knows so much and his whole color scheme in a way? similar to the imps.

we also got a glimpse of daves future which im excited for bc it upholds some cool ass shit i cant wait for ahem cals death. and i really hope GG is sorta soon? eh maybe in the next 100-200 zone.

and yeah

thats all ill say for now bc im just sleepy and my minds not in it, but ill probably explore more on sunday ayy

peace

[j--halstead]

A New Start pt. 3

ight this probably wraps this thing up but i’ll prob do something again (or feel free to request something)

Part 1 (x)  Part 2 (x) 

It's only been about a week since the whole ordeal with Hannah. A few days less than that since him and Higgins have even started to think about taking their- Friendship? Relationship? Partnership? Whatever. - to more than it's always been. And Magnum's been making progress if he does say so himself. He's being less annoying, more conscious of her space, nicer to the dogs, and he's even restrained himself to being an absolute gentleman.

He knows that Higgy isn't the type of woman to move fast with a guy, so he hasn't gone further than holding her hand, hugs, or cuddling on the couch. But it's just about killing him. He's doing everything in his physical power to not reach out, grab her face, and kiss her, hard, every time she does something even remotely cute. Thomas hasn't gone this slow with a woman since he met Hannah, and even then it was mostly not to cause issues within the unit.

 Nonetheless, Thomas knows Juliet is too good to let go because he did something stupid. So when he hears her barking, not literally, at the lads, he wracks his brain on what he might have done to upset her lately. The Ferrari's in perfect condition and freshly washed. The case he just wrapped up paid him enough to actually cover the bills he has here. And he hasn't brought anything case-related back to the estate. But one look out of the guest house, and Thomas sees her simply standing in the middle of the grass looking towards the water.

 Taking a deep breath and walks out barefoot. The first thing he notices is the lads trotting along side him, brushing their noses against his hands. Apollo, at least he's pretty such it's Apollo, nudges his head against the back of Thomas' leg as if pushing him along. "Guys," Thomas acknowledges them, "Go back to the house." And for once, they actually listen to him. The closer he gets the more he can see. She's also barefoot, but it looks like she's still in her pajamas, which is very unlike Juliet Higgins for nearly noon.

 "Hey sunshine." He's started using nicknames for her, and she surprisingly doesn't mind them when they're alone.

 "What do you want, Magnum." Well maybe not today.

 "I just saw you out here, thought I'd come join you." Thomas keeps his voice light, but the longer she doesn't even move to look at him, the more worried he gets. "I heard the lads making some noise. Did they find another lizard to chase?"

 Juliet barks at him, similar to how she was with the dogs earlier. "Were they interrupting your afternoon nap? God forbid you actually get up like a real adult."

 "Juliet-" As Thomas reaches for her hand she whips around to face him. And for the first time in a while, he sees anger in her eyes. Well first time in a while directed at him. Just last night she was telling him about growing up in London while alternating between tracing one of the scars on his arms with a gentle finger and holding an ice pack to his eye.

 "I mean honestly Magnum, what is the point of pretending to play detective all day if you only work one maybe two days a week?" He sees her eyes lose focus for a moment, catching the bruise that has now covered his entire cheekbone and eye socket. "You think that because you live at Mr. Master's estate, because he felt bad for what happened to you, that you don't need to work. Look at everyone else around you, look at everyone here. I work, Kumu works, Rick and TC have real jobs and they were with you."

 Thomas lets her little speech finish, feeling like air is being drawn from his lungs with every sentence. His eyebrows are as far up as they can go and his jaw drops. But the one thing that is really making him realize that something is wrong is that she keeps calling him Magnum. In the past five days, she's only ever used his first name when they're alone. And maybe he's thinking into that too much, but she hasn't let into him like this or call him a mooch for months.

 Her chest heaves with every breath after feeling physically tired from ranting. The anger is gone from her eyes, now replaced with tears. "We're not doing that today, okay?" He watches her brow knit together. "You can be mad at me tomorrow or any other day, but not right now."

 "You don't get to tell me when I can be mad."

 He bites the inside of his cheek, because Juliet Higgins has been mad at him plenty of times. But her voice in this moment could not be further than what it usually is. It's soft and shaking and almost strangled as if her throat is tight. "You're right, I don’t get to. But I know right now, whatever's going on, isn't about me."

 Thomas takes a chance and reaches out again for her hand. And this time, thankfully, she lets him. "Something's wrong Juliet, and you don't have to talk about it, but I'm here for you." All he can do is watch tears fill her eyes and threaten to spill over. His name falls from her lips in a whimper and in an instant, his arms wrap so tight around her that his body shakes with her sobs.

 His hand card through her blonde curls, softly brushing his fingers along the back of her neck. He keeps his other arm firmly around her waist because he doesn't know if she might fall if he lets go. Her tears soak into his shirt, and in a different circumstance he might joke that she owes him a new one. But he would ruin all his good shirts if it meant she wouldn't hurt like this again. Thomas feels her shaking and he knows he needs to get them out of the open before one of the staff sees them or before Kumu brings a tour by.

 "Juliet, I'm going to carry you to the guest house okay?" Her hair brushes against his jaw with a nod, and her actually allowing him is what concerns him the most. Thomas slips an arm under her knees, keeping the other around her waist. Juliet settles her head in the crook of his shoulder, closing her eyes while she tries to catch her breath.

 The ragged breaths on his neck only make Thomas move more determinedly. He kicks the door shut behind them, knowing that if anyone were to stop by and see it closed, they would knock. With Juliet still in his arms, he sits on the couch and rubs a hand across her back.

 "Slow, in through your nose and out through your mouth" Thomas mumbles. He can almost hear the eyeroll Higgins gives, or would give if she weren't a mess right now. And in his best, worst, British accent Thomas remarks "Yes, Magnum, I know how to breathe." And he hears her chuckle against his chest, so he continues "Did you know they actually teach you how to breathe better than the Navy Seals in MI6?"

 "That's not how I sound." She quickly hits his shoulder. "You sound Australian."

 "Is that not where you're from? Must've gotten my accents mixed up." The hand that is still on her back tells him that her breathing is back to a normal rate. But the graze of her smile against his skin is what really tells him she's going to be okay.

 They sit in silence for who knows how long. Thomas has moved, leaning back into the couch with Juliet still against his chest. His lips brush against her forehead every once in a while. Her fingers tangle with his, resting against his stomach between them.

 "Thomas, I am terribly sorry for what I said. I- I didn't mean any of what I said."

 "It’s okay Higgy, I know."

 "No, Thomas it's-" She stutters while she moves to sit up next to him. "You are such a good man. You help people, no matter if they can't pay. And I know that Robin offered you this for nothing, but you wanted to work." Juliet sucks in a breath, letting it stutter out. Her hand cups his jaw as her thumb brushes along the edge of the bruise on his cheek bone. "Today is the anniversary of Richard's death. That's why I was upset." Thomas wraps his fingers around her wrist, pressing a kiss to her palm, she hears an 'I'm sorry' mumbled against it. "I just thought my life would be so different."

 His hands slowly drop away, one resting on her knee in his lap. This thought has been in the back of his head, eating at him. He knows that it takes a long time to get over someone you were once going to marry.

 "You thought you'd be married by now?"

 "I thought I'd be a mother by now." Thomas' head snaps up. "Richard and I were going to retire and start a family. I was going to take a desk job, maybe teach courses. Richard was going to teach at a university, he was brilliant."

 "He'd have to be in order to keep up with you. Higgins, you'd be a great mom. I have no doubt about that."

 His thumb traces a scar on the inside of her knee that he's never seen before. She must've picked up his tone because her hand comes to cover his. "Thomas, I didn't mean that I don't appreciate you, you have to know that. I just thought-"

 "I know."

 "But I am glad that my life has come to this." Juliet's hand gently grabs his jaw, turning his face to hers. "To you, Thomas." Before Thomas' brain could even catch up, her lips were brushing against his, catching his bottom lip between hers. As he feels her pull away, his hand weaves through her curls and pulls her back to him, doing exactly what he's been fighting. His lips crush against hers, tongue tracing the seam right before he pulls away, leaving them both panting.

 Thomas pulls back only enough to get some air. His forehead rests against hers, noses bumping and lips just barely brushing against each other. He watches her eyes flutter open just as he drops a soft kiss to her lips.

 "What took you so long Magnum?" His laugh fills the room.

[pinkyoath]

i come from school, feeling... alright. its not like it was the best school day ever but it went pretty good, im not gonna complain about it. blank comes up to me n starts telling me that i should participate more in parties, that they really want me to go n have some fun. i just led on the conversation n told her i would think about it, yet i have no idea if i really meant those words i said. ive been thinking about it lately, to just open up a bit n get out there but at the same time i just feel like its a weird thing to actually do n im still not sure if i wanna take that step rn. anyways omw home i started thinking about it n i wondered if i really should tell my parent about this. since i tell them pretty much everything that happens at school i guess i didnt see nothing bad w telling them about it. i was first not gonna talk about it. i had planned that i was gonna keep it to myself n if a party came up i would say that i had gone bc of oomf that is gonna be there, that probably will be true, next time it happens. but i have no idea what came up to me when i started talking to them, i just felt such a burden on my shoulders n i felt the need of telling them, even though i hadnt even done shit? idk. i told them n they didnt react negatively, as such. they just told me that if i went to one of those parties i would have to take a lot of care n all that basic shit talk they do. agreeing w her, of course i wouldnt do anything they told me not to do. im not that type anyways. time passes by, probs 15 mins max, or even less, n they tell me that the dog needs a shower. i felt pretty good so i decided to take him to shower. when i was drying the dog they came n started arguing that we didnt have blank n we needed it, ofc, for a meal. i remembered using 3 of them previous night but they kept on ranting about that there were 9 left if so n how they just "disappeared" if nobody used them. i told them that i hadnt been eating any lately, blank came up n said they hadnt eaten any lately, which made no sense since theyre LITERALLY the only ones that it blank on the daily. i guess they just decided to bail on this issue n pretend they didnt do shit to get the blame. of course. thats one of the things that annoy me most of the time. they never own up to their things n if they dont have the balls to actually confront my parent then they act as if nothing happened. obviously making it look like i am the one that did it. which annoys me, as i implied. i volunteered to go n buy some, i felt generous n i thought it would maybe make my parent feel a bit better today after all the shit they have made us go through today. i went out, bought some blank, came back n blank looks at me n i knew what was happening. they were still complaining about shit. i came in, put the blank on the kitchen counter n went to my room to put on some comfy clothes to wear at home before i did anything else. then my parent decided to annoy me since i just came. i hadnt even had my fresh air for max 15 mins when they came up to me n started complaining about the shit i left after showering the dog. dude. i shower the dog for u, i go out to buy some blank for the meal, i couldve SKIPPED all that shit, done it tomorrow or whatever n all u have to say to me is "look at all the shit u left here" n started messing things around. i hadnt even put on my HOME CLOTHES n i told them that, but they insisted that it didnt matter. that i should be more organized n shit. long story short, they tell us that we are gonna end up like these people here. no offense but i dont want to. that we will end up being alcoholics, drugs addicts, whatever the fuck, not be successful or shit bc of the way of our living. im not saying being successful means happiness but dude. we are 14 n 17 n im pretty sure we have a whole fucking life ahead of us. we are just starting this fucking life n u dont have to be so harsh on us. i get it u wanna complain but it can get mentally tiring. it can fuck u up in many other ways too, theres a limit line man. i just have no idea if i can trust her w what i told her today if they keep on talking that we are gonna end up like alcoholics. i was so close to fucking crying today. it has been tiring already. i want to sleep. 

[preternatural-aura]

just a personal rant bout my thyroid issues and some other stuff, its really long tho..

well, the tests they ran to check for antibodies for grave’s disease and hashimotos came back in the normal range (a couple were on the cusp), I tried taking my adhd medication again (i had to stop because it exacerbated symptoms to the point of making me sick) and it started out awful, I took a xanax (plus the beta blockers ive been taking to manage symptoms) and im feeling better (normally around 2pm id be feeling the worst), so ill try taking it again tomorrow (and maybe take a xanax), the endocrinologist will probably want to recheck my t4 and tsh, i have been feeling like something might be pressing on my throat so they might do another ultrasound, of course my endocrinologist appointment isnt for another 2 and half weeks, ill keep taking my adhd meds through until finals are done (so a week) and if it still makes me feel awful then ill stop them, if the side effects are lessening, then ill keep taking them, the side effects go away after like a week normally, i cant afford to lose anymore weight so im gonna be checking that, its hard to say how much weight ive lost because i havent been checking it lately, and at the doctor they always weigh me with my clothes and shoes on plus the stuff in my pockets, i weighed 115lbs this morning, ill check again in the evening after i eat, which would be when i weigh the most, or right now, but i dont want to take my shoes and jeans off, oh i also used to wear a binder to the doctor and i dont do that anymore obviously and binders are kinda heavy, there is a chance this whole thyroid thing is going away, they said that was a possibility, but im afraid that tests will come back normal while i still have symptoms, i hope this isnt some weird and rare disease, but my mom wouldnt let it go untreated if it is, we would just try to find a specialist or something, first, of course, the endocrinologist will probs recheck my t4 and tsh and maybe the ab tests and do another ultra sound, and if all that stuff is still inconclusive well do that radioactive iodine imaging test

and ive got an appoitment with that physicians assistant about my asthma and to remove my mole, and the thing about my asthma is that i need to excersize, but i have a hard time doing that because executive dysfunctioning and time and also i have excersize induced asthma and i cant really use rescue inhalers because they make me feel fucking awful, i carry it around but i never use it unless i absolutely have to, like if i didnt i would have to go to the hospital, and i hadnt used one for years, so unless i cant breathe and/or im wheezing uncontrollably then i wont use it, i hate these heart palpitations, my heart rate isnt 120 or higher anymore, even when i was having palpitations earlier, my mom said my heart rate was around 85, which is super nice, the stimulant did make my hands get really cold, because i already have poor circulation to my hands and feet, but see stimulants are vaso-constrictors, meaning they constrict blood veins, which makes my already poor circulation even worse, on the bright side, i got around 8 hours of sleep the past two nights, which is super awesome because ive chronically been getting around 6-7 hours, and i really need 9-10 hours, so while it hasnt been this horrible insomnia, it has been chronically getting not quite enough sleep which just leaves me tired all day everyday, and i try not to compare myself to other people, but its hard in college when everyone talks about how they pull all nighters and shit, because ive had insomnia where i get fewer than 3 or 4 hours of sleep because i CANT sleep and it feels awful, i run on adrenaline the next day but it ends up just being so bad, so im trying to remember that only getting 6-7 hours is still bad, especially because im an adolescent and need lots of sleep and cant afford to lose a bunch of sleep

[srlkiller]

oh also i hav my fucking first real deal period with the kyleena (mini version of the mirena) in and holy fuck is it NOT GOOD!! but very proud of me for tuffing it tf out n not going to hosp this time (yet lol) mostly bc i hav literally -$400 in my bank account and my mom is a cunt who will not pay for a single thing for me bc she’s apparently ‘broke’ too.. like i haven’t eaten a meal in idek how long and as i said haven’t slept n ima prob get some kinda if psychosis or sum if i don’t chill tf out soon bc i been drinkin aswell n i NEVER drink like in my 26 long ass horrible years of life i only ever drank socially at like 16-21 at parties or clubs or if like someone had sum at they house.. i hated drinking lmao. i stopped drinking after 21!!! if i ever get invited to a dinner thing for work or for someone’s bday I’ll have like one or two cocktails n that’s it. but omg recently.. i fell inlove w mango white claws lmao n then cuz we so poor apparently i jus been drinking whatever.. bad bad bad. anyway so this period is really bad and i have no pain meds for it and it’s come out of nowhere w no warning or anything which is just fucked but also like the most me shit to ever happen really.. i found a paper this lady at work wrote down of a gp she said was good n gave out pain meds so i went on n found a free spot she randomly had for tomorrow.. luck or fate? so im PRAYING AND MANIFESTING AND ASKING THE UNIVERSE to pls help me out w this bc the pain in my lower n mid back, my abdomen, the severe fucking bloating and pushing feeling as it a baby is in that bitch??? the bleeding omg it’s nuts. i went thru the worst pain and stress and sickness of my whole life when i got this thing inserted (DO NOT GET IT LADIES) and then it finally started to slowly slowly settle and the bleeding (after a fucking month of constant pain and bleeding after he put it up there by forcing my cervix open while i was awake laying down???) kept reducing and would completely stop some days n I’d feel like myself n think it was over then the next day it would come back n id bleed again.. but then i started to feel more and more like myself so i was just putting up w the blood bc it was NOTHING like my normal periods at all. BUT getting this thing inserted was supposed to stop and/or reduce my pain and bleeding during ovulation and each period cycle. I got this on the 3rd December. It’s been over a month now. I’ve gotten acne from this also. I’m just sick of waiting for it to ‘settle in’, things just seem to be getting worse if anything. I hope this doctor is sympathetic, caring and understanding of my issues and actually listens to me.. offers to help me w what I need and not just straight up say no I’m not giving you that sorry. I will just break down. Anyways rant over.

[witchesgetallthebitches]

Probs Gonna Delete, But...

Guys... I hate ranting. Especially on a blog like this that isn’t for ranting. I absolutely need support and reassurance right now, though. Crying out into the void (aka Tumblr) might help a bit. Maybe? I’m fuckin drowning right now, so we’re resorting to maybes.

Basically, long story short, I have around two hours until I have to leave for class. And I haven’t slept in 48 hours. And I can hear colors and smell feelings. And my head fucking hurts like a fucking motherfucker. And my grandmother yells at me for taking so much Ibuprofen because she says it’s bad for my kidneys. And breathing takes a lot of effort. And I just finished having a panic attack but I can already feel the next one coming on and I’m gonna have a panic attack about having a panic attack and that’s the dumbest shit ever. And I so desperately want to crawl back into bed and take a day to heal a little, but my grade is already so so fucked, and I can’t keep missing all this class time. And my presentation is tomorrow. And this presentation could save my grade. And it’s nowhere near finished, barely even started. And I’m such a fucking idiot. And I can’t fucking do this.

I’ve never been dying, but I feel like this is what it would be like. Your body doesn’t love you anymore, and it has no mercy for you either. It refuses to function.

I was almost back on a regular sleep schedule. Almost alright. I thought the meds were finally working, I would finally be okay. Then one missed dose, just one, and my brain pulls this shit.

I’m so fucking done. I’m so fucking tired.

Advice? Words of wisdom? Kindness? I’ll take anything. Meanwhile, I’m gonna go get dressed and try not to have another panic attack.

Hopefully, your Monday goes better than mine, Witchblr.

[foreverconfused-foreverlost]

Rant with a bit of an update at the end

I just need to vent so let me get that outta the way first. I've been working really hard on my school shit and I feel so drained. I got one of my midterms out of the way already and idk my score yet but like I hope it's at least a 70%. though even if it's not I just gotta do extra hw to make-up for it, well that's what my teacher said (if only all my classes were like this with both midterms and finals) but like I'd still rather not have to do the hw. I've got a speach that I need to do tomorrow in class I also have a few chapters from my speach text book that needs reading. Cause apparently there's a midterm in speach class WHY WOULD I GET A MIFTERM IN SPEACH? WHY? I DON'T EVEN THINK I HAVE AN ENGLISH MIDTERM! Oh gosh I'm probably gonna get one now just for typing that. Seriously though I thought speach was just ya know speaches or that our midterm and final would be speach if anything. Except? For some reason? My midterm? For SPEACH class isn't? An actual speach but? Multiple choice with short answers? Okay yes easy but still like, c'mon! Sooo yeah I have a speach midterm next week.

I have to read Hamlet for English, well not the whole thing just yet, just the first three acts and I've read the first two sooo one act to go. Gonna be given a test on it though, an essay test. ESSAY TEST! Every test in her class is a freaking essay cause apparently multiple choice and short answer don't exist in her world. Anyways I've got a couple of online quizzes that I need to do in pysch and a pysch midterm coming up. Luckily the midterm is multiple choice and are questions from previous quizes so I know exactly what to study. I just needed to rant since I have literally no one to rant to atm. Anyways now onto updates!

While working on hw and midterm studying the only thing I've really done is watch Netflix and YouTube. However somehow I did miraculously managed to do some more Aesthetics. Ten to be exact sooo that personal list of Aesthetic ideas I made well there's only twenty left. Also I may be adding Newsies stuff on this blog, I watched the musical on Netflix and I'm planning on watching the one made in 1992 (I'm pretty sure I've got the year right, I'm too lazy to check though) sometime soon. Woulda already but it's not on Netflix. Sooo yeah I'm probs gonna get it on Amazon. Though probs not until around my Bday if I wanna wait long enough for my parents to pay for it, lmfao. But my Bday isn't until May and my Bday is around finals (Please end my suffering, kill me) sooo like either that'll be my saving grace/only distraction around then or I'll be too busy to even watch it. Although I think doing Newsies aesthetics or like ships or reactions would be pretty cool once I do see the movie. I'm already in love with the goddam one I saw on Netflix and may or may not have forced both my parents and one of my friends to watch it. Whoopsie Daisy. Probs gonna end up doing the same with the 1992 one. Heheh.

[augustd-blog]

I'm ranting about my job sorry not sorry OKAY so I tell my manager, on July 28th, my move-in day for college is August 18th and she's like okay thanks for telling me yada yada ill make note. And I was like cool I don't know when I'll be back yet and she's like that's fine people usually call and let us know when they'll be in. So fast forward to today, August 10th, i get a schedule for next week. I'm to work a 9 hour shift on Sunday (alone mind you and I've never had a shift longer than 6 hours) and then a normal 4-9pm shift on August 18th, my move-in day. I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW MANY TIMES I'VE MENTIONED MY COLLEGE IS OUT OF STATE TO MY MANAGERS. What they want me to do, drive 3 hours out, dump my shit in the dorm and speed my ass back for work??? Like fuck to the nope So I emailed them back and was like um that's my move in day??? Still waiting for a response, ill update you guys tomorrow for that. Anyways!! If you know me, my job is alright But the owner gives me SO MUCH FUCKING ANXIETY. He's a nonsense yeller. Will yell at you if you pause for a moment, to keep working. GUESS WHOSE THERE MOST SUNDAYS THE FUCKING OWNER. They expect me to work a 9 hour shift with a shit face there who gives me anxiety to the max... I know I'm supposed to get a break but I'm 95% sure I'm the only one working Sunday and that's why I have those hours and it's gonna be a trip trying to find time to get a break. I dont care tho. If they come back telling me I'm still on the schedule, I'm taking my damn break on Sunday and i'm back late from it and I'm sure as hell just skipping work without getting a fill-in Aug 18th bc literally all my coworkers are down for the count and already off for the school year, excluding the newbie who I don't have the number of and is prob working that day anyway. While I'm at it, the management is literally a bunch of drunks. They drink on the job, after their shifts they have the habit of knocking back Jack Daniels with the drivers when they're off the clock too, in the back of work. I'm just WAITING for my work to go up in flames cause they're drinking on the job. I have a friend who used to work there and didn't return bc she got so much anxiety (granted, she was a shitty worker, but still). The owner literally sits in his upstairs office when he's in and not doing anything in the kitchen or talking with clients, and sits in front of the security cameras just to make sure we don't stop working. If we take a sit of our drinks for "too long" or "too often" he calls down to the office below to tell the managers to put us to work. Why tf you so extra Please let me stay hydrated and not pass out in back where it's at least 90 degrees in there.

[yhmir]

Ranting, bad language and obvious first world problems below.

OKAY BOYS AND GIRLS ITS TIME FOR STORYTIME.

A MONTH OR SO AGO WHEN I MOVED, I FIGURED I’D GET MYSELF A NEW COMPUTERR CHAIR. I PICKED OUT ONE, AND WAS ADVICED TO ORDER ONLINE TO GET IT DELIVERED TO MY DOOR FOR CHEAP.

I DONT HAVE A DRIVING LISCENSE. THIS IS IMPORTANT.

PLACE MY ORDER, COOL. LITTLE LESS THAN A WEEK LATER, IT’S DELIVERED. BUT, WAIT. THIS IS THE WRONG COLOR! AND NOT EVEN A COLOR I LIKE! SHIT. OKAY, CHECK MY ORDER. CONFIRMED, I ORDERED THE COLOR I WANTED. THEIR MISTAKE THEN. NO PROB, I’LL CALL ‘EM UP AND GET THIS SORTED.

SPEND 40 MIN ON HOLD BECAUSE THE POOR GIRL HELPING ME IS NEW AND NEED TO GET HER SUPERVISOR/MENTOR TO HELP HER. 

SPEND 15 MIN EXPLAINING I DONT HAVE A WAY TO BRING IT TO THEIR STORE.

OKAY THEY’LL FIX PICK UP BY POST. BUT SINCE I ALREADY PAID, THEY CAN’T ISSUE A REFUND TIL THEY GET THE CHAIR BACK. TRANSFER ME TO SALES TO ORDER NEW CHAIR.

SALES TRANSFER ME BACK TO A DIFFERENT PERSON- BEFORE I COULD EVEN RE-ORDER. THIS PERSON SAYS PLAINLY, NO, I NEED TO CONTACT SALES BUT UH, THEY JUST WENT HOME CALL BACK TOMORROW?

OKAY. THEY DON’T SEEM TO WANT MY BUSINESS. FOLLOWING MY GUTS, I PLACE AN ORDER AT A COMPETITOR I’VE HAD GOOD EXPERIENCES WITH IN THE PAST. 

FEW DAYS PASS. NO WORD.

WEEK AFTER I GET NEW CHAIR. SUSPICIOUS NOW, BUT THERE HAS BEEN A FEW DAYS OFF, MAYBE THEY’RE LATE.

CALL NEXT WEEK. “OH NO, SHE MEANT YOU HAD TO GO TO THE POSTOFFICE WITH IT.”

SIR, IF I CAN’T BRING IT TO YOUR STORE, HOW THE BLEEDING HELL CAN I BRING IT TO A POST OFFICE. UNLESS YOU’RE PAYING ME FOR THE TAXI.

HE TRIES TO HELP, BLESS, BUT AFTER SPENDING ANOTHER 10 MINUTES ON HOLD, I AM INFORMED THIS MUST BE DONE WITH SOMEONE ABOVE HIS CLEARANCE AND HE HAS TO MAKE A CASE RAPPOR OR SOME BS. 24 HOUR WAITING PERIOD.

FINE. GODDAMNIT FINE.

IT TAKES 4 MORE DAYS. GET A CALL. THEYLL PICK IT UP THE NEXT WEEK. BY NOW ITS BEEN 4 WEEKS. IVE HAD MY OTHER NEW CHAIR FOR 3.

THEYLL PICK IT UP BETWEEN 12-15. THEY DONT. CALL ME AT 16 AND SAY THEY CANT MAKE 15. NO SHIT?

THEY CAN BE THERE IN HALF AN HOUR. OKAY COOL.

CALL ME WHILE ON BUS HOME.

THEY WENT TO MY OLD ADRESS.

THE ADRESS I HAD NOT EVEN USED WHEN ORDERING THIS CHAIR. IT WAS, DELIVERED TO MY NEW ADRESS. I DONT EVEN KNOW. ITS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF TOWN.

OKAY THEYLL COME BY ANYWAY.

THEY ARRIVE.

AM GREETED WITH “SO WHERE IS THE REFRIGERATOR WE’RE PICKING UP?”

....

WTF

I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY, IF I DONT GET MY REFUND I’LL BE PROPER PASSIVE AGGRESSIVE AND WRITE A STRONGLY WORDED LETTER!