#next time i decide to format a fic/chapter like this somebody punch me
Note
37 and 47 for the get to know the fic writer ask
Thanks for asking! Anyone else is welcome to ask from here!
37. How do you choose where to end a chapter?
I like my chapters to have a complete arc, beginning middle and end, where you can clearly say "This is the chapter where--" or "This is the chapter about--". It's, gasp, ALMOST like an outline. Don't tell me of ten years ago I've started almost-outlining! But yeah, if I know I'm writing something multichapter (and the times I didn't and I ended UP with something multichapter, the first chapter WOULD have been a complete story in and of itself already!), I'll have like a Scrivener page for each beat of the complete story, so I go in, like, "This is the 'Do Re Mi' section," and then I focus on getting that part of the story out-- so if Maria is going to start teaching music to the Hargreeves children, I need to use the beginning of the chapter to show the status quo, then show how Maria starts to play with that status quo by bringing music in, then show her efforts fully taking off and transforming the children's training and lives. What happens next is Sir Reginald's reaction to these events, but that opens up a whole new can of worms, which is why HIS reaction begins the NEXT chapter, which then becomes the chapter about Maria proving the success of her methods to him, ie "'The Lonely Goatherd' Section, In Which The Children Put on a Show." Maybe I'm cheating with this example since I'm using the beats from a movie somebody else wrote first, rather than coming up with these beats myself.
So let's look at "Exploration of the Astral Plane" instead, which has chapters helpfully titled things like "In Which Oliver Goes Dreamwalking and Gets Lost." Originally "In Which the Summerlanders Try to Host an Intervention" and "In Which Astral Walking Is the Only Solution" were supposed to be the same chapter-- In Which Oliver's Friends Know His Astral Walking Is Getting Out of Hand But They Can't Stop Him-- that wasn't the title, it was going to be the Hosting an Intervention Part-- but the story was getting too complicated as I wrote, so it became one mini-arc about them confronting Oliver and (briefly) succeeding, then a SECOND min-arc about how that brief reprieve ended.
Anyway, I'm not sure I actually answered the question. The actual END of each chapter, while completing the mini arc of the chapter, might just hint at things to come-- some foreshadowing of mood, so you get the Intervention chapter ending with Oliver sighing and saying "If only to prove to you that you’re overreacting..." so you get the sense that this really ISN'T the end. Or the Do-Re-Mi chapter, rather than hinting at anything, ends with a somewhat surprising reveal, so it's more like a punchline than foreshadowing, not in a joke way but in an adding some PUNCH way.
I don't do many straight-up cliffhangers. I guess because I like having the chapters self-contained that way.
But yeah, I've spent too long on one question, on to the next!
47. How many times do you usually revise your fic/chapter before posting?
Eh, I'm one of those people who revise as they go. I can't decide if this is a Bad Habit that keeps me from JUST FINISHING or if it's just the Way I Work. I lean on the former when I find myself just rereading and rereading and not writing anything new! But I also really like revising, it's really just a part of writing, so maybe that's why I do it the whole time.
I do have at least two separate drafts usually, though. When I have MOST of the chapter/story drafted-- there are usually SOME gaps, but I know basically what needs to happen in each of them-- I print it out. Then I can do a sentence-by-sentence close revision-- the change in format helps me see things I didn't before, and often helps me fill those gaps, too. After that revision gets transferred back to the computer file (sometimes with re-revisions added in process), I'm usually ready to post. But there will be additional drafts if I use a beta, which I do usually only when I'm not sure if things are flowing or fitting together properly and need an outside set of eyes to make sure it actually makes sense. (Shouting out to @steeple-sinderby and @versaphile for performing these vital functions in the past!).
So right. I'm a little verbose when I answer ask questions. But don't let that stop you asking me!
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The Red Name pt 4
part one || part two || part three
The bed was cold when Michael woke up. The sun was high in the sky and Alex was long gone. All that was left in the whole cabin were the sheets on the bed and Michael’s phone on Alex’s pillow. The notification light was blinking and Michael already didn’t care about what anyone had to say to him right now.
He unlocked it anyway when he saw the new email icon. He never got emails.
It was from Alex.
From: [email protected]
We should’ve talked. That was always our problem, if we’re honest. Too much sex and not enough talking.
I’m glad we didn’t though. You were right, we’d just make each other sad and angry and that’s not how I wanted to spend my last night with you. Because that’s what it was. Regardless of what happens on my deployment, we both know this thing between us is in the past and it’s time I gave up and moved on like you’ve managed to do.
Over the last two years I wrote you a lot of emails. Basically whenever I wanted to talk to you but couldn’t I’d write an email. I’m not sure why I’m doing this now but I just sent all of them to you. You can read them or delete them, it’s up to you, I guess.
I love you. That hasn’t changed and it never will.
Goodbye Michael.
A
Michael blinked away the sudden tears that sprung to his eyes. For all that he’d shoved Alex away over the last few years and flaunted the fact that he could move on, Alex telling him goodbye broke his heart. Michael wasn’t sure how they’d gotten to this point. It felt like one thing after another just piled on until there was no hope left. He wanted to fix it, even when he’d been with Maria part of him had wanted to fix it, he just didn’t know how. And now it was too late.
Rereading the email, he spotted the part about new emails and quickly exited out of that one. And there they were. Michael scrolled down to find the oldest one but it was impossible to tell. They didn’t seem to be in any particular order so he just clicked one and then another and then another.
From: [email protected]
I saw you at the Pony today. You looked like shit. Have you been sleeping? Eating? Or are you just existing on alcohol and acetone?
I hope it’s making you feel better because it’s not helping anyone. Not your sister, who really needs you right now by the way, not me, not Maria, and certainly not Max.
I wish you’d let me help you.
A
From: [email protected]
You drive me crazy sometimes you know that? First, you want nothing to do with me or Project Shepherd. And now it’s all you care about. Well, Project Shepherd at least. You still don’t seem to want anything to do with me.
Am I suddenly that repulsive to you? Because of my father? Fuck him. Seriously, Guerin, fuck. him. Don’t let him do this to us.
A
From: [email protected]
You could’ve at least done me the courtesy of telling me you were dating Maria instead of letting me find out by walking in on you two.
Fuck you Michael
From: [email protected]
You need to pull yourself together. Your sister is drowning and she needs you and you don’t even notice. Liz and I should not be the ones keeping her afloat. She needs her brother, dammit.
If only I could get you to stay in the same room as me for longer than 2 seconds
A
From: [email protected]
I can’t decide if you’re oblivious or stupid or just plain cruel
I get it, okay. You moved on. You’re happy. I’m happy you’re happy but I really don’t need a front row seat to you sticking your tongue down someone else’s throat okay? Would it kill you to cool it on the pda?
A
From: [email protected]
Max is back. You weren’t there.
A
From: [email protected]
I’m drunk. I shouldn’t bother with this it’s not like you’re going to read it anyway but I’m drunk and I’m lonely and it’s my birthday
Ten years apart and you never missed my birthday but now that I’m back you can’t be bothered? I want to be mad at you but I’m too sad to be mad
What did I do wrong Michael? Why are you doing this?
A
From: [email protected]
You ever throw something anywhere near the vicinity of Maria again and I swear to god I will knock you on your ass
Don’t touch her. Don’t even get close. I don’t give a shit how drunk you are
A
From: [email protected]
It’s the anniversary of Caulfield and I don’t want you to be alone but you won’t let me near you
I hope you told Maria what day it is or Isobel or someone. I hope you’re not alone.
I’m sorry
I’m so sorry Michael
A
From: [email protected]
You look happy
I miss you
A
From: [email protected]
I never thought of us as having an anniversary, not really, but if we had one it would be today
I was ready, Michael. I was fucking ready dammit. Why’d you have to pick then to finally be the one to walk away? I mean I know I deserved it after all the times I left you but your timing sucks.
A
From: [email protected]
I got my new posting. Also got new orders to deploy. I’m leaving Roswell and I don’t think I’m coming back this time
A
From: [email protected]
You came by today. I’m pretty sure it's the first time you’ve been out here since you told me in no uncertain terms that we were done. You wanted more info on Project Shepherd, on the Alighting that Noah mentioned. You could barely look me in the eyes. It was like I was just a colleague and not even one you particularly liked that much and it hurt.
I get that we’re never going to be together but why can’t we be friends? Is it really that impossible? We’re either fucking or not looking each other in the eye? No in between? That’s bullshit
Why do you get to decide everything? When do I get a say in this? What if I want more? Do you even care what I want?
Don’t answer that. It’s pretty fucking obvious you don’t.
A
From: [email protected]
I had lunch with Liz and Rosa and Maria today. It was awkward and painful. I’ve never hated you before but I think I hate you for fucking up my friendship with Maria. She was all I had for years and now it’s ruined because of you
Be happy with her. Make it worth it
A
From: [email protected]
It’s not your fault. Me and Maria I mean. We fucked that up all on our own and neither one of us have really tried to fix it. You played a part, yeah, but don’t blame yourself for this too. You put too much on yourself already, you shouldn’t add this to it
A
From: [email protected]
You make a beautiful couple
Better than we ever did. Not that we were ever a couple. Not like you and Maria
We wouldn’t have worked right? That’s why you left? Because we would’ve crashed and burned?
Merry Christmas Michael
A
From: [email protected]
For someone who got angry every time I mentioned the Air Force you really didn’t seem to care that I re-upped. I don’t know what to make of that.
I’m going to protect you Michael, I promise. My father will never get his hands on you or your family ever again.
A
From: [email protected]
Why can’t I get over you? I’ve tried fucking other guys, dating other guys, it doesn’t matter.
I’ve never been able to get over you. I don’t know why I thought now would be any different.
All I want is you. All I’ve ever wanted is you.
A
From: [email protected]
Full disclosure - I’ve had a lot to drink. Liek a lot
Did you know that your people essentially mate for life? Yep. Turn 30 and the true essence of your heart will reveal itself on your skin and name the person you love most. It will stay there forever. Cant be cut off or inked over. Cant change neither. Once its there its there
Your turning 30 in a few months
I wont survive seeing her name on you i wont
I filed papers for a transfer today. Project Shepherd is basically dead and by the time the transfer comes through it will be really dead and i cant stay here anymore im not strong enough. I need to be not here when her name comes
A
From: [email protected]
Its my name. Fucking hell Michael its MY name??
What the fuck have the last two years been if its mY FUCKING NAME?
A
From: [email protected]
It hurt before when i thought you’d truly moved on but this? Oh this takes the cake
You love me. More than LITERALLY anything. And you still dont care enough to be with me
This is…
You should’ve left me in Caulfield and just saved yourself
A
From: [email protected]
You left a birthday present in my car. Why?
Thank you
I love it
A
From: [email protected]
Her name is Mara.
She used to sing to the other prisoners when they were scared. She had such a beautiful voice.
You won’t let me tell you about her but I think you should know. This was your mother, you should know who she was.
I’m sorry you didn’t get the chance to find out the right way. I really am.
A
From: [email protected]
I saw you on the street today. You were outside the jewelry store.
I wish you both a long happy life together. You both deserve it.
A
There were more. So many more. Michael had to stop and pace himself or he’d start breaking things.
It took him weeks to get through all of them. Some made him cry, some made him smash every fragile thing in Max’s house (he owed him new windows), but some made him smile.
From: [email protected]
I got a dog. Her name is Buffy. If anything happens to her I will kill everyone involved and then myself
Pics attached since I don’t know when I’ll see you.
A
From: [email protected]
Wilson’s getting married, can you believe it? I would’ve bet good money he’d die a happy bachelor. It’ll be so good to see the squad again. He invited everyone, even O’Brien.
He’s making me wear a tux, though, no uniforms :(
A
From: [email protected]
I think you’ve cursed me. I used to very happily not give a shit about football fuck you very much
(Eagles made the playoffs fuck yeah)
A
From: [email protected]
There’s this new prosthetic prototype the military wants to try out and somehow I landed on the shortlist of candidates to get it
It’s supposed to be so amazing you don’t even know. It’ll be waterproof! I can stand in the shower!
(its the little things sometimes)
A
From: [email protected]
I’ve really fucking missed Rosa. I know you miss your brother and I’m sorry but I never really let myself process how much I missed her
I promise to do everything I can to bring Max back. I owe him one
A
From: [email protected]
Rosa doesn’t like the jacket. She’s gotta go
A
From: [email protected]
I’m going to LA Pride next week. I’d ask you to come with me but you seem a little busy passing out on the floor of the Pony every night
I’m taking Isobel instead
A
From: [email protected]
I’ve got this new project at work that’s actually really interesting. I keep staying late to work on it and so Project Shepherd is falling behind but fuck Michael I love it
A
From: [email protected]
There was a crazy meteor shower last night. You would’ve loved it
A
From: [email protected]
The sunsets out here are unreal. I’ve been in a few deserts and seen a few coasts but nothing, NOTHING, beats this view
Its beautiful
A
From: [email protected]
It’s cheating on the Wild Pony, I know, but if you go over to Dexter there’s a great little bar that does open mic night on Thursdays.
It’s been a long time since I sang. I’ve missed it. You should come sometimes.
A
Michael missed out on a lot while he was with Maria. He never wanted to miss those moments again.
In the five weeks it took him to get through all of the emails, no one heard from Alex. He’d warned them he’d be out of touch but it was still jarring. Michael took to driving out to the cabin or bugging Rosa to let him play with Buffy just so he could feel close to Alex.
A week after he finished Alex’s emails he started writing his own.
From: [email protected]
You’ve been gone six weeks. I miss you. I’m pretty sure I lost the right to say that but I don’t care. I do.
I read all of your emails
M
From: [email protected]
I thought about responding to some of your emails individually but then I thought maybe just one would do it.
I’m sorry. I was a colossal jackass and you didn’t deserve any of it. I never should have blamed you for what your father did. You aren’t him, Alex.
There are only two people in my life that I trust to always be there: Isobel and you. Even when you walked away you always came back and I got used to that, I guess. When everything was spiraling out of control I needed someone to be angry at and I needed it to be someone who wouldn’t leave. Isobel was already going through hell so I picked you. I pushed you away as hard as I could and you stayed. You re-upped to protect me. You stayed in Roswell because you knew I needed you even though I refused to admit it. I put you through hell and you never said a word. Thank you. I should’ve said it a long time ago and I’m sorry I didn’t.
I’m sorry I finally pushed hard enough that you had to leave. Roswell’s your home and these people are your family. When you get back from your deployment you should come home and see them. I can leave if it’ll make it easier for you but you shouldn’t leave them just because I’m an ass.
M
From: [email protected]
I think Liz is actually dating both Kyle and Max. I’m also pretty sure Max and Kyle are not dating each other. Sometimes though...how sure are you that Kyle is straight?
M
From: [email protected]
I can’t decide if it’s too weird or not weird enough watching my sister and my ex girlfriend try to date.
M
From: [email protected]
You said you didn’t love me. Why did you say that if you did?
I don’t know that I would have done anything different but I’d like to think I’d have been more considerate about Maria had I known. I thought you were over me. You said you were.
M
From: [email protected]
It’s been three years since Caulfield and I’m alone. One of your emails mentioned that you didn’t want me to be alone but I am. I always am. No one understands. No one can possibly understand.
Kyle gave me a bottle of whiskey this morning. I’m trying to drink less but now that I’ve got a doctor’s seal of approval, I might just need to enjoy it.
M
From: [email protected]
I left my mom to die for you. I don’t think I would’ve left for anyone else.
M
From: [email protected]
I miss you. I think I’ve been missing you for years but you were right there so I didn’t realize it
Be safe. Come home
M
From: [email protected]
I’m a little obsessed with my mark ngl
It’s in my own handwriting but I wish it was yours. So it would actually be a piece of you with me
M
From: [email protected]
It’s crazy. When you were here all I could think about when I saw you was your dad and your brothers and Caulfield. I know it’s not fair and it’s not right but I can’t control it
But now you’re not here. And I look around the cabin and all I see is you making breakfast or burning the popcorn that one night we tried to watch a movie and ended up making out instead. I can’t sleep at the Airstream without thinking of you. Did I ever tell you that you’re the only person I ever brought home? Every other person I ever hooked up I either went to their place or found somewhere else. But not you. You came home with me.
Liz wanted a group outing to the drive in. But I said no. I can’t go there anymore.
M
From: [email protected]
My eyes are burning. Too much naked sister
M
From: [email protected]
First I see my sister having sex and now my brother’s asking me for gay sex tips
I can’t
M
From: [email protected]
When we broke up Maria accused me of being with her because I loved her less, because then she couldn’t hurt me. I thought she was crazy but now I think she had a point. I literally just walked in on her in bed with someone else (I’ve completely blocked out the memory of who it was) and it didn’t hurt. I’m just...happy for her. She smiles more these days than she has in a while
It's nothing like when I saw you on a date that one time and had the sudden urge to beat the guy into a bloody mess with my bare hands. It's a nice change of pace
M
From: [email protected]
It’s been four months since anyone’s heard from you. I hope you’re okay and just not allowed to contact anyone.
Please be okay Alex. I don’t know what I’ll do if you’re not
M
From: [email protected]
Some idiot decided to put in a record store on Main St. Who even buys records anymore?
It has open mic night almost every night though. You’d love it
M
From: [email protected]
I seem to have moved into your cabin. Oops
The bed doesn't smell like you anymore :(
M
From: [email protected]
It’s Valentine’s Day and you’re not here and I don’t even know if you’d want to see me if you were but let me just say this:
You’re an asshole and I love it
You care so much about people, about your family (the real one not the jackasses named Manes), and you give so much of yourself for other people I’m constantly in awe of you
You named your dog after a vampire slayer; what a dork (next one should be Faith)
You are the strongest person I know. I put you through hell and you’re still standing and you somehow still love me. I don’t understand but I can’t complain
I miss watching movies with you even if your constant commentary can be annoying as hell
I can’t eat omelets at restaurants anymore, you’ve ruined me for life
Your voice is breathtaking; you should never stop singing
I love you
Happy Valentine’s Day Alex
M
From: [email protected]
Please just tell me when you’re home so I know you’re safe
M
From: [email protected]
Rosa has a boyfriend. It’s weird. We can’t talk around him. Too many secrets.
M
From: [email protected]
I broke the ship. Most of its still in the bunker but I scattered some pieces around town. The Airstream, Isobel’s, Max’s, the Crashdown, the Pony, other places too
The biggest piece is right here at the cabin. I needed it to be with you
M
From: [email protected]
Jenna’s back
M
From: [email protected]
Happy Birthday Alex
I’m sorry I missed one. I promise not to miss any ever again.
They probably don't have any good cake where you’re at so I’ll just have to take you out for some when you get home
M
From: [email protected]
I’ve co-opted Buffy from Rosa. She’s not getting her back
M
Over six months after Alex left, Michael received his first new email.
From: [email protected]
Subject: YOUR EYES ONLY
You’re unbelievable. Asshole
827 Willowbrook Cir #231
Marlow Heights, MD 20746
A
P.S. Don’t forget Buffy
#malex fic#rnm#my fic#this one is 100% malex#ch5 will be 0% malex to offset it#next time i decide to format a fic/chapter like this somebody punch me#i've had to reformat it 3 times and im DONE
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Fic: Come As You Are (1/11)
THIS IS FINALLY HERE OH MY GOD.
Summary: A series of codas/tags/missing scenes to every episode of the first season of TItans. In the first episode, our protagonists are moving towards each other, but first, they each navigate the existential nightmare that is their own mind.
Warnings: SPOILERS for the whole series, some swearing, lot of dense parenthetical nonsense and fancy formatting. Dick and Rachel marinate in their own anxiety. I’ve also taken the liberty to fill in some gaps that were left by canon.
this is meant to be a companion series to my episode recap series. i’m in the midst of my worst writer’s block ever--it took two whole months just to write this chapter; i’m still far from happy with it, but if i looked at it anymore i was going to scream--but i hope to finish both the recap series and this fic series before s2 airs this fall.
(s/o to @cautiousamber whose continued love for the show and for what it's doing delights me always)
Come As You Are
1.01
Strange things live inside Rachel’s head.
When she was little, people around her would come to her in her dreams in coloured silhouettes, glowing and wailing, ripped into pieces by monsters that lurked in the shadowy corners of her mind. As she grew, the figures grew more refined, more recognisable, but they never stopped screaming; when she heard words, it was only the monster that spoke.
I WILL NEVER LEAVE YOU, RACHEL
The years passed, and the dreams started to leak into the real world: she would see strange, fresh scars on Melissa’s arms while trembling in her arms after another DREAM; hazy, coloured halos followed people she knew and horrible things happened to people she hated; the monster would stare back at her in the mirror now, eyes inky black, leaking venom into her veins. TRUST ME, the monster would say, calm while everybody else screamed, and Rachel, well. After a point, she forgot to scream, too.
Then one night, she dreams of a little boy on the trapeze who watches his parents fall to their deaths, and the monster does something it has never done before: it laughs.
-
“Master Dick, I trust you received the package I sent you last week?”
Dick idly doodles a large ‘R’ on his notepad while wedging his phone between his shoulder and his ear. “I did, Alfred, it came in just this morning. Thanks. I, uh,” he makes the edges sharper, the ends like knife blades, “I should’ve called to let you know earlier.”
“Yes,” Alfred says crisply, “You should have.”
He twists the pad until it looks like the R is in motion, bounding across the page. Two tables over, Detective Oyode flings a casefile onto his desk in disgust. Across the room, Johnson is eyeing Dick with suspicious disdain. The air is heavy with the smell of stale coffee; there’s a lingering whiff of cigarette smoke from the balcony where Carter, Takashi and Mulligan take smoke breaks twice every hour, on the dot. The floor buzzes with steady chatter, the clicking of computer keys and ringing phones. Dick’s active cases tray is screamingly empty.
“I’ve been busy,” he says. “Settling in, and all that.”
“I see.” A pregnant pause. “And I suppose your new responsibilities as a police detective is the only reason you requested that I send over your modified batarangs?”
“Birdarangs,” Dick says, without thinking.
“Ah. Yes.” Alfred’s voice turns fond. “It’s been well over a decade since you came up with that convention, Master Dick; I must confess that it is good to hear it again. More than anything… it is reassuring to see that you haven’t decided to retire Robin altogether.”
A knot of anxiety tightens somewhere behind Dick’s sternum. This is about as secure a line as he can get without actually using the comms in his Robin suit, but it’s still jarring to hear someone just—just say it aloud like that. Especially after—
Dick’s grip on his pen tightens and he scores across the ‘R’ with such ferocity that the nib tears through the paper. Johnson’s put his coffee mug aside and is starting to walk in his direction and if Dick tenses any more he’s sure he’s going to do something he’ll regret. “Sorry, Alfred,” he says. “Something’s come up; I gotta go.”
“Very well, Master Dick. I hope that you will continue to keep in touch.”
“Bye.” He slips the phone in his pocket, gets up, and tosses his ruined pad in the wastebin. He neatly sidesteps Johnson, swipes the abandoned casefile from Oyode’s desk, and hurries out of the precinct.
-
(it’s all right. you’re beautiful.)
Now that (she’s) put some distance between (her) and (her) attackers (hot metal projectiles where there should be nothing but fire, but she can’t—she can’t—), the molten panic that’s been fuelling (her) escape abates, just a little. (She) slows to a walk, pulling (her) coat close.
(it’s cold, but she’s known colder.)
The further (she) walks from the woods, the less desolate it is. There are more buildings here and more people, turning to look at (her) as (she) walks by them. Almost on instinct, (she) turns into a gas station and makes (her) way into the bathroom, coming to a stop in front of a grimy mirror. (She) is all edge and glorious skin, shining and sharp.
(beautiful. you will know it. and more importantly, they will too.)
(She) empties her purse to find documents and keys and a dozen little opaque clues as to (her) identity. (She) is Kory Anders, and the name is both everything and nothing at all. It is everything because it fits, slots into place effortlessly in her mind like she’s known it all along, but doesn’t trigger a cascade of memories, or anything other than flashes of light and bone-deep cold (and unimaginable pain).
No matter. She is Kory Anders, and this is as good a starting point as any. Besides, she is sure that the real her has a taste for adventure.
-
When the fight’s over, Dick changes into regular clothes a couple of dead-end alleyways over and limps back to his car, trying very hard not to think about Batmobiles, or Batcaves, or anything bat-related whatsoever. His shoulders ache with tension and his knuckles feel pulverised—he isn’t quite used to being the ones delivering all the punches yet. There’s blood and glass in his hair and the acrid stench of used smoke pellets lingers around him like a miasma; he’s stuffed his costume and weapons back in the case, but there are still red smears around the lock and—
—he’s not even entirely sure he’s managed to leave the site of the fight clean; or if he’s gotten all the security cams in the alley; it’s been so long since he’s done this and even longer since he’s done it alone—
(All right. Deep breath. Deep breath. Another one. And another one.)
Everything feels even more absurd when, later in the night, he’s stuck in downtown traffic, trying to breathe past bruised ribs and the bite of glass shards in his fingers. It wasn’t supposed to be like this; moving this far from Gotham was supposed to be the start of a clean break. He’d been slowly working up to visiting Wayne Manor one more time (one last time, but he can’t—he can’t bring himself to—) to return the Robin costume, trying to reconcile the memories of safety and comfort he had under Bruce and Alfred’s care with yawning isolation of that gigantic mansion, the stomach-dropping terror that he would be abandoned (again) if he failed (again), and the anger that never seemed to stop simmering regardless of how much he punched, how much he cried, how much he laughed.
Being Robin without Batman feels like something vital’s been cut out of him, but just being Dick Grayson isn’t enough for all the evil in the world.
Dick stumbles into his apartment building, trying very hard not to make carrying a giant silver briefcase in the dark seem suspicious. He enters his apartment—dangerously open to the world but devoid of shadows—and lets himself slump onto the sofa. He’s going to (clean his costume and equipment, scrub the security cam feeds, clean the car of bloodstains and evidence, destroy the copy of Oyode’s file that he’d made, type up a report for his personal log) but for now he closes his eyes and—breathes.
Just—
Just for a minute.
-
The city is drab and cold in ways Rachel is entirely unused to; for some reason, she thinks of old white bedsheets turned grey from use and wear and repeated washing over years and years. Melissa ripped one of them into rags the last time Rachel DID SOMETHING STUPID, knocked over a vase, cut her hand on the shattered pieces, and dripped blood all over the kitchen floor. Melissa’d spent an entire afternoon scrubbing at bloodstains, refusing to answer to Rachel’s tearful apologies. (The voice told her to break the next vase over Melissa’s head, which made Rachel want to vomit.)
Melissa had washed the blood out of those rags as thoroughly as she could, leaving them even more dirty-grey than they were. That’s what the city looks like: wrung of colour, washed and washed again into grey submission—
“We’re here,” the officer in the front seat of the car says, dropping Rachel abruptly out of her thoughts. She’s taken into the precinct and asked to sit inside a windowless room; it isn’t until the officer that’s trying to get her attention touches her shoulder and she flinches, light and sound and terror rushing in, that the numbness abates and the voice snarls KILL HIM!
can’twon’tdon’t—
The officer looks shocked for a moment before his expression softens and he backs away. “Somebody will come talk to you now, okay?” he says, and leaves. Rachel waits and picks at the fraying edges of her sleeves, wishing—not for the first time—that she’d brought her phone along. It’s not like she has anybody to call, really; she just wants something to do that’s not staring at the walls (of an interrogation room, this is an interrogation room) and trying not to think about how desperately alone she is right now.
A few minutes later, Detective Dick Grayson walks in and introduces himself. Rachel jolts at the sight of him; she can hardly hear what he’s saying over the chorus of holy shit! holy shit! that’s taken over her mind, because holy shit—this is the little boy on the trapeze. He glows blood-red, and every movement of his leaves behind smudges of light and colour and life in this otherwise cement-grey room.
She holds his hands, tells him, you’re the boy from the circus; he frowns, but doesn’t tell her she’s crazy, or stupid, or BADWRONGEVIL. Dick Grayson promises to help her, and for the first time since watching her mother fall to the floor with a bullet hole through her head, Rachel feels hope.
-
Kory Anders is on a plane to the United States.
Twelve hours ago, she didn’t know her name; now she not only has an identity, but a destination, a purpose (a mission). Everything from swiping cards to speaking a dozen different tongues to summoning fire to her fingertips to the clean, beautiful effortlessness of throwing an asshole across a hotel room has been… intuitive; she thinks as she does, moves as she feels, learns as she touches. She doesn’t know what she will find when she lands (knows without really knowing that where she is going is both impossibly vast and comically small) but she’s going to start with looking for the girl in the photo and see where that leads her.
(--to a bubble suspended in infinite nothingness, shackles around her wrists and feet—)
And if that means burning up a few more entitled assholes along the way, so be it.
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If I Go There’s Just No Telling How Far I’ll Go (6/9)
I tried a couple of new things in this chapter and I really enjoyed playing with the format a bit - I hope you like this update! Also shout out to @amez-santiago for helping me to decide which comfort food Jake should bring to Amy ages ago and changing the direction of the fic in the course of the conversation, by suggesting that Jake should find out about Amy being a Princess sooner than I’d originally planned!
Chapter 1: https://meepmorpperaltiago.tumblr.com/post/177173242210/if-i-go-theres-just-no-telling-how-far-ill-go-aChapter 2: https://meepmorpperaltiago.tumblr.com/post/177346476440/meepmorpperaltiago-if-i-go-theres-just-noChapter 3: https://meepmorpperaltiago.tumblr.com/post/177560338670/if-i-go-theres-just-no-telling-how-far-ill-go-a
4:https://meepmorpperaltiago.tumblr.com/post/178787217045/if-i-go-theres-just-no-telling-how-far-ill-go-a
5: https://meepmorpperaltiago.tumblr.com/post/178787326850/if-i-go-theres-just-no-telling-how-far-ill-go
From the phone of Amy Santiago
3 Missed Calls From: Mom
3 Missed Calls From: Dad
1 Missed Call From: Raymond Holt
Dad: Tiger, I know you’re upset right now, but please just let us know that you’re ok
Terry: This is all insane, but I just wanted you to know that everyone at the 99 is here for you, no matter what you choose to do next
Gina: Heeeey girl! Now that we’re both royalty we might actually have something in common, so lemme know if you wanna talk xxxxxxx
Rosa: This is all weird. But I’m here for you.
Charles: Hi – if you need anything we’re all here, even if you end up living in Genovia!
Jake: Amez, Im coming ovr as sn as I can – hope thts ok
From the phone of Jake Peralta
Charles: I know this might be kind of an inappropriate point to make, but the fact that you’d officially become the Royalty you already are in my heart if you and Amy were together is just further proof that you guys are meant to be!
Friday, June 15th 2014
I… don’t really know where to start. So much has happened in the past week, it’s all been crazy! I guess I’ll start off with the simplest things: Teddy told the world about me being a potential Princess and I dumped him. More specifically, I came home to an enraged phone call from the Queen (she’s since forgiven me but is still pretty annoyed) and a million emails and text messages, followed by a knock on the door from Teddy, where he tried to make some lame excuse about it not being that big of a deal, which I didn’t listen to. I was already crying from sheer fury, which is not something I’ve ever done before, but when he said that I tried to kick him out. I just couldn’t believe somebody who I’d trusted, maybe even loved at some point could completely betray my trust like this. It was like the ground fell out from under me when I first saw that headline.
Then I heard a knock at the door. Jake was standing there, with a big bag of Polish food, and three Harry Potter DVDs looking completely awkward once he saw that Teddy was there. I calmly explained to Jake that Teddy was just leaving, but then Teddy started yelling, saying that he knew something was going on and telling me that I should blame him for my secret coming out. Jake looked like he was close to punching him – I think his death glare made Teddy leave faster, so I’m grateful for that!
Honestly, even though the circumstances of the break up were awful, not being with Teddy any more is such a weight off my shoulders.
Jake said that the stuff I’d brought over was ‘comfort if I wanted it’. And I kissed him. After that, we were both a little awe-struck. I asked if we could just put everything aside and just enjoy the movie he’d brought and he agreed. But then during the movie we ended up kissing again. And again. And again. Now I’m even more conflicted about the Independence Day Ball next week. That’s where I’m going to make my final decision.
Love,
Amy
Amez,
I would never be brave enough to say everything I feel to your face, so I’m putting this letter through your door instead. I really, really, really like you. But I don’t want anything that happened last night to influence your decision. Honestly, I think you would make an incredible Princess. You’re so smart and kind and beautiful and just everything that a Princess should be. Plus, a country run by someone with your level of organisation would be a sight to behold. They need you just as much as I do. I’m not being biased when I say that this is what you were born to do.
Jake xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx
Saturday, June 16th, 2014
I just told the Queen that I’m going accept their offer. It’s going to be manic up until the Independence Day Ball, so next time I write, I’ll probably officially be HRH Amelia Santiago, Princess of Genovia. It’s finally happening.
#b99#b99 fanfic#b99 fanfiction#my writing#The Princess Diaries#princess diaries au#peraltiago#jake peralta#amy santiago#jake x amy
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