#next to nothing beyond nothing
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i reread this scene and i could just. picture it. so vividly.
#homestuck#hom3stuck#home2t4ck#homestuck 2#homestuck beyond canon#hsbc#hs^2#hs2#candy timeline#home24uck#dirk strider#jake english#brain ghost dirk#bgd#dirkjake#admin draws#fanart#mountain of tags oooooffff#mmm nothing like coming back to an update and getting ur heart juiced like an overripe orange for a 2nd time#2nd jake crying post has hit the world trade center#im sooo soso tired today but i want to draw fluff. so thats next on the agenda#ajyeays i hate them t felt like getting puched in the dick again#i love this update. i dont think ill ever really move on from it. no matter what comes next ill always kinda be here.#also this ended up at first accidental but remained A Choice to leave dirk. largely featureless compared to jake#he is just an afterimage after all. the loose outlines that contain the memory of your friend#who you now have to realize. has long passed. hes not by your side#hes buried in a graveyard that you have not visited since he became its resident#he should go sometime. process it properly. id draw it but i dont think i have the chops or patience.#but its a thought.#I FORGOT TO UPDATE THE NEWER PICTURREEJFKGJDFGMGH
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+3 friendship with Jin Ling: He actively tries to dissuade you from further embroiling yourself in the homosexual allegations.
[First] Prev <–-> Next
#poorly drawn mdzs#mdzs#wei wuxian#lan wangji#jin ling#jiang cheng#nie huaisang#For real though it's so sweet how desperate he sounds when trying to save mxy's face.#Jin Ling genuinely likes this uncle! He's let him into his heart!#Why his uncle is so desperate to make his reputation worse is beyond him!!!#The same uncle who has time and time again proven to be genuine in his intentions and has been there for JL in so many ways!#JL wants to return the favour! Alas it is like holding a dog back from eating the onion chips on the ground.#I sure hope nothing betrays jin ling's trust in this new bond!#(and yes I am keeping NHS and JC's sleep wear in the next scenes. For the whimsy)#In other news - LWJ finally gets a little hand hold. Most likely it was a highfive that lasted a little too long.#But it counts okay? To him it counts.#Speaking of: I went sooooo long in life not realizing the 'hee hee let's compare hand sizes' was a flirt move.#I thought people were just genuinely curious about fingers and hands. But no. It's not that. It's a hand hold move.#I'm here for the science and research. You are here to flirt. We are not the same.
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Wrong #964
He seems to be very much enjoying being a magical girl
Ruby is less than enthused about the situation
#whathasangramainyudonewrong#angra mainyu#angry mango#fgo#fate grand order#fate hollow ataraxia#I’m gonna be honest with y’all I know next to nothing abt Prillya#I have no idea what Ruby actually did/does beyond what I’ve seen briefly in events#but that fact that not only y’all but my father agree that Ruby deserves to suffer is enough to convince me lmao
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Not to sidebar from Doc Who again but I’m rewatching Much Ado 2011 (again) and I’ve just noticed how several times in the wedding scene Benedick moves to physically intervene on Hero’s behalf and is ordered to stop by Don Pedro. He is told by his prince to stop and then to leave and yet he still rushes back to help as soon as the others are gone how does this scene keep getting better Jesus CHRIST
#much ado about nothing#much ado about nothing 2011#wedding scene my beloved#like listen#listen#I’ve been hung up on how Benedick shields Hero from Leonato in the next scene#since the first damn time I watched this#man self-admittedly doesn’t know WHAT is going on#but knows that it’s wrong#and steps in to protect both Hero and Beatrice#(and don’t get me STARTED on Beatrice in these two scenes and how she’s doing her level best to do the same as Benedick but can’t)#(Beatrice my LIFE)#and David Tennant’s ability to go from joking to observing to ‘don’t fucking try it’ instantaneously#is just#beyond comprehension#but I hadn’t noticed this bit before#Pedro at one point physically holds him back#which#fuck you pedro#fuck you your shoes and the horse you rode in on#but that’s another post#man Benedick rushing back to help has always been great#but now with not just the implication but the CONTEXT that he’s been TOLD NOT TO#even better#11/10#no#1100/10#fucking hell I love this play
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Timelapse of Frieren surrounded by cats
#frieren#frieren: beyond journey's end#sousou no frieren#fanart#timelapse#clip studio paint#i've finished all 28 episodes of ss1#at first i was thinking the story was so slow and boring#but then i kept clicking on the next episode without second thought#the story had nothing but also had EVERYTHING#ykwim#the messages conveyed throughout the story was so soft#just stuffs from our daily life#felt like a soft whisper to the soul#the interaction between characters also felt so real#instead of overstimulating animation or heavy combat scenes#frieren felt more like a melancholy but healing journey#i love it so muchhh#the anime did so wellllll
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this nemesis ambition started out a little slow but I am getting closer to finding that bastard who killed my wife, and I’ll not rest a minute now that im far closer to on his trail
sorry got in character for a second
Anyways fun ambition so far very fucked up though
congratulations on joining the murder club anon!!!! depending on who you ask the name refers to either people who have murdered or people who have witnessed murder. usually both. actually extremely often both. it's a swell time you'll feel right at home (don't mind our collective skyglass knife collection in the back)
#im still not far into nemesis personally but im very much enjoying it#honestly in a weird way it feels like it's moving faster than HD did. which. is funny bc nemesis is like The gated behind item grinds quest#idk. HD was a fun slowburn where we adventured around gathering our rogues gallery before the action kicked in#nemesis on the other hand feels like im picking up halfway through a batman serial#fallen london#ask#it's WAY more fucked up right off the bat than HD was. honestly ive thought abt red honey for ages. that's so fucked up#and we LEAD with that?? Okay#definitely a horrors-filled ambition befitting caeru (the guy who's constantly going through horrors)#it really encourages you to get fucked up and freaky and in ur character's headspace at basically every step along the way#i only have HD to compare it too but HD was like. a lot more interpretative in comparison? at least to me. that's what it felt like#and i adore HD for that dont get me wrong here#HD just also waited until like. halfway through before it asked what the scoundrel actually Wanted out of its heart's desire#nemesis in comparison is right off the bat who died? who are you mourning? anguish. justice. there must be vengeance.#it's a delightfully different vibe!! i like it!!!#oh god sorry anon im doing the classic yin talking way too much in the tags thing again#i havent had much excuse to talk abt nemesis and what i think of it so far and of course its rp effects on caeru#but i do have a handful of thoughts on it#it's good. im liking it so far. it's starting very strong if nothing else. and i have no spoiler knowledge of what happens in the future#beyond the choice between rewards at the very end#and im SO curious how we'll get to that point. what horrors will we adventure through next? off we go to find out!#it's biggest glaring weakness so far is how horrendously grindy it is. and like. ive been warned and done my research ahead of time#im doing it on the same account im seeking. i knew what i was getting into. but also gots damn.#in comparison HD's 5-card lodgings and dreamgate feel like footnotes#anyway while im already way too deep into rambling did you know the honey trip gives you fate?? insane. why does it do that. hilarious even
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Oh so we're finally getting into REAL secret of the wilderness now, the REAL reason these women are so fucked up and never could fully open up to anyone else in order to heal. Misty didn't kill Jessica Roberts to keep the secret of tragic but understandable survival cannibalism, it was because they 1) killed these random people for walking in at the wrong time on their trauma-induced insanity ritualistic cannibal society who 2) could have led to their rescue a full extra winter before we know they actually get out 🤯🤯🤯
#yellowjackets spoilers#im sure it will be more complicated than that but that basically has to be what happens next right???!?!?!#i KNEW there had to be some extra fucked upedness beyond what's been alluded to! the pieces coming together.........#the recording was from some equipment these people had right???? oh ho ho now we're getting into it.....#and its not lost on me that all this is happening at the beginning of shauna's reign as leader. shit's gonna get new levels of fucked & it#will fully be at her direction. or maybe *sigh* her Crazy Obsessed Lesbian Lover-turned-eventual-Stalker's 🙄#(they need to shit or get off the pot w/ the adult melissa reveal theyve teased since the intercut final scenes of episode 2. the adult#plot has been pretty boring the last few episodes so now that teen timeline is cranking up i want the same for the adults)#like instead of her reveal as the sinister scorned (& donut 4get crazy 🤪) stalker i hope she's normal and has nothing to do with any of#the tape business until its shauna & co that track her down and bring her into it. maybe shauna feels like cheating again 😏#idk just spitballing scenarios that i dislike the least lol. the spectre of untreated trauma/mental illness being the catalyst for harm has#always had me on edge about this show that i otherwise adore. idk. i miss juliette lewis. adult nat really balanced out the group &#their contradictions.#dani talks about tv
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I know people are already complaining about [spoiler] and the thing about [spoiler] is
THAT SHE HAD HER FREAKING HAND RIPPED OFF I'M SORRY THERE'S NO MAGIC WATER TO HEAL THAT IN THIS SHOW WE'RE DEALING WITH A PROTAGONIST WHO HAS TO GO THROUGH FULL LIMB LOSS
WE'VE GOT PROSTHETICS AND AUTOMAIL BUT HEY
THE TECH COMPANIES THAT CONTROL THAT AREN'T THAT FRIENDLY WITH HER
SHE CAN'T EXACTLY DROP HER NAME AND INSURANCE CARD AND FILE FOR TREATMENT
THEY DIDN'T HIRE AN ACTRESS WHO CAN RELATE FOR KICKS AND GIGGLES
THIS IS AN ACTUAL THING THAT THEY'RE GOING TO DEAL WITH
also they addressed the Grief fully and I'm sure the reunions and revelations won't be Sunshine and Roses
LIKE THIS IS SO MUCH MORE INTERESTING THAN ANY GRIMDARK ''OH THEY KILLED A CHARACTER'' THE TRAUMA HERE
THE RECOVERY PROCESS
also it wouldn't surprise me if this was something they'd pitched in the OG series and then went "No, actually, we Can't Do This. We don't have Clearance. This isn't something we have the power to do."
Then they went "Hey, she's eighteen now. Can we Do That?" and they went
SO NOW THEY DID IT
and they'll probably show it in some way and it's going to be Unpleasant but like
we'll know
BUT WE HAVE A FULL-ON INJURY AND THAT'S A FIRST
also she's so down and miserable
like this is...oof we moved onbut now
#jurassic world: chaos theory#jwct#jwct spoilers#chaos theory#chaos theory spoilers#this show is so good#and they did so much#what makes anyone think they don't know how to handle what comes next#like no#this is so much harder#we've gotten the easy stuff#and we did it all#now we need to go to the NEXT LEVEL#brooklynn#rip brooklynn#sydney#kiersten kelly#GOSH#the way this show goes above and beyond#NOTHING AGAINST IT HERE IN THE BOOK#they went there#and they Did That#come on
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OH I AM INCONSOLABLE. DEVASTATED.
#vi rambling#skip and loafer#i honestly cant even properly articulate myself right now im just. i feel for him so terribly.#the depiction of his relationship with his mom well. it got to me. badly. terribly.#standing in front of that door as a child i literally couldnt think of anything but denji and the csm door.#and how he literally had all of this thrust on him and the fact that it was taken away from him by the very source of all this stress#without her knowledge. which just excabrated it And i just. no wonder he doesnt have any sense of self esteem or self perception#of course he feels like hes acting constantly without recognizing his inherent kindness.#hes literally been taught nothing he does is good enough unless hes acting. of course hed shield behind that.#he literally kept being criticized and berated for things beyond his control. i just.#I'm so scared for next chapter? i think we'll actually see what happened with that producer and i dont think im resdy in the slightest#just that terrible discreoancy between his thoughts but the fact he cant help but feel terribly for his mom. hes such a good kid but so#terribly conditioned into overcompensating IT HIT ME TOO FUCKING HARD.#well... stellar panels and expressions. literally heartbreaking.#love how kanechika clocked his yearning immediately and started making fun in the most kanechika way possible#the whole frankenstein allegory i literally cant even unpack in tags its just. really so masterfully done.#basically. terribly unwell . chapter of all time i fear#i think what really broke me is seeing him actually break down. fully.#he keeps himself on such a tight leash all the time and repressed his thoughts and feelings constantly#that seeing all the bottled up anguish and burdens and baggage and trauma flood out made me. very unwell.#i hope as the little prompt at the end said... unraveling the past can only take us forward... haha
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Alright even if they fix my inbox its staying off forever i would do it to my DMs too if i could its just like how it was when i was a teen im not telling anyone anything about me or where im from you will know nothing about my actual life or self for the next few years i dont need to get harrased and bombarded by racism because of this.
#i am my blog to yall nothing beyond that for the next 4 years#im putting barrier between me and the western world im sick
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when people say Jamie only loves Keeley because she's basically Georgie and Roy is attracted to Georgie because he loves Keeley and then they never elaborate on how, exactly, Keeley is "just like" Georgie... tell me why beyond "they dress alike" (which like...even do they?) and "they both care about Jamie." go quick!
#im sorry i hate that opinion so much i really loathe it#even like “well they're both nurturing!” feels like such a stretch to me....because i don't actually consider keeley that nurturing lmao#don't get me wrong she cares for and is going to comfort the heck outta her people but nurturing is not he first word that comes to mind#we know next to nothing about georgie canonically beyond her having a cute man and being a good mum#i just don't even see the similarities idk#ted lasso#hater hours im sorry
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Ep 4 :)
#I LIKE Dostoyevsky. I like how mysterious and unreadable he is. What is his goal!!!! Why does he do what he does!!!!!!! He's very cool#I think knowing his ability now REALLY adds to his character. Him being so smart so manipulative so disruptive in the way he–#seemingly kills people on touch! Only added to this impression of him being “demon” and “inhuman”#But now that we know his ability you realize... That's all his doing; no ability.#His ability in a way does help humanize him by reaffirming that except for the moment he dies– he's got no superpower at all!!!#It's just him.#And yet at the same time also solves the exact opposite role of dehumanizing him because if it's not his ability that makes him like *that*#then he's even different than other ability users!!! Then‚ if not an ability user‚ if not a non ability user: what is //he//?#It's all SO compelling!!! Also makes for an extremely insightful narrative parallel with Dazai#Not an ability user not a non ability user. Not good not evil. (I feel like Dostoyevsky does exceed the definitions of good and evil as–#much as Dazai does. If he causes evil‚ yet does so with the intention of bringing salvation to humans– is he really *simply* evil?)#Both have these borderline superpowers that make them extraordinary beings (we can call it super intelligence‚ but it goes from controlling#their own heartbit to everything else) but are unrelated to their respective abilities! Once again making them neither this or that#I find Karma's words at the end to be extremely insightful.“Ace was evil for sure‚ but this man isn't even evil.#He's a being from the beyond. A being that exceeds human limits.” Like!!! That's all that there is to it!!!!!!#Back to this chapter / episode. There's some themes / worldvies once again I don't agree with but narrative wise I think it's extraordinary#I feel like after the Guild arc the writing really matured a lot and this is a kind of preview of what the doa arc is going to be like#(aka very very well written especially if compared to the previous arcs)#The plot twists of this episode are all so unpredictable and exciting!!! I think it's remarkably witty how it takes advantages of previous–#clichés - villains always revealing details about their own ability in a way that is quite baffling - to actually surprise the audience.#It's so effective. How skillfully unpredictable Dostoyevsky is to the point you can never guess what he will do next!!!#Him killing Karma is... Idk so so soooooooo interesting. I could talk about this forever but I'm being very dispersive in the rable and–#running out of tags. The whole episode you're sorta rooting for Dostoyevsky. He's very cool and comes out charming in the way he keeps–#surprising the audience. He looks bothered by Ace's disregard of other people's lives and that makes him sympathetic too.#But then he kills Karma out of nowhere and it's an “Ah! You fell for his lies too– remember he's nothing but evil. He cares just as little#about life as Ace does”. And then??? Karma in his last words is himself so generous in his words to Dostoyevsky. It's baffling.#And it almost feels like thenarrative is once again turning around and telling you you should root for Dostoyevsky.#It's endlessly fascinating.#I have more to say about the worldviews I don't share and the art style Dostoyevsky was portrayed with this episode (love it!!)#But alas ran out of tags
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for Maxima: 5 times paid
five times _____ // not accepting // @valorcorrupt
I
"I couldn't possibly accept this, my Lord."
The red dress. The coin purse that was fuller than she had ever seen one.
The way that the older man held the side of her hand while placing both things on her hand.
"Oh, please." he snorts and his eyes wrinkle easily with the lightness of the tone. Daphné doesn't know what to do in that moment but stare, her bare and completely unfiltered expression of shock at the gifts "This is but a token of appreciation,"
He speaks as if it is nothing. And he still holds her hand, making no move to release her. He leans closer and the warmth of his breath can be felt just close enough "and a hope that I shall see your wonderful face and lovely voice in our next event again."
Her mouth is dry, but she doesn't make a move. Well too aware that the templars are just a few feet away from her; aware that this was far more coin than she had ever seen in all of her life, much less something that she could have ever dream about having belonged and offered to her. The strings that were attached at such an exchange - but such strings were there regardless of answer, were they not?
She refused and she would not be invited to another soiree, not allowed outside of the circle. Her freedoms clipped once more, only to be locked behind large doors. Were she to accept it, well - no one's soul in Orlais was above its own darkened stains. No one was above their own potential regrets, correct?
And if this was the price that one needed to pay, the tune that one needed to dance, Daphné was perfectly capable of learning the steps - and to learn how to dance it better than them. A foolish thing to think, perhaps, but that was a hope that can only exist and be fanned in one's youth. To be able to outwit and outpace a system such as this.
Daphné smiles. Left hand coming to cover his, moving it softly to the side and pulling the red fabric as to allow it to be folded over her arm.
"You are too kind, my Lord." she says, a light hum of her voice and a bow of the head as he releases the bag of coin over her hand. He moves away and she follows him with dark green eyes, all the way to the edge of her vision. Her shoulders straighten, her mouth pounding in her hearts - willing herself not to cough or clear the dryness of her throat away.
"Please do wear this, when next we see each other." his voice rings with that same easy lightness, though he doesn't turn around as he returns to the party.
Daphné stands now in the opulent room that doesn't belong to her. With a bag of coin, swiftly counting them with growing alarm at the amount provided.
II
"I don't think you understand how fucking serious this situation you found yourself in is." Daphné's voice is heavy, thick, whispered as her hand holds the side of the elf's arm, pulling his hand away from the violin case so that he might actually look at her as she spoke.
"I understand plenty." he speaks but Daphné rolls her eyes, her hand moving away from their arm. She holds herself from pushing him. From calling him the petulant child he behaves like. Instead she just watches his mouth twist as Marius holds onto the violin, bringing him close to his own body and starting to move towards the door "I'm not stopping and I'm certainly not living the city."
She sighs, louder and more exasperated than she would have allowed herself in public. But they were not in public and he was not an audience, not one that she was trying to call to her. Not in the way that one would entrance another. He needed to listen to her.
"You are an idiot." she sneers, taking a step after him. Not to stop him but to make sure that she held the door open for him to exit through. She doesn't look at the elf when she pushes past him, uncaring that she hit his shoulder "The worst that one could be."
"And what is that?"
A dare? Very well. Daphné clicks her tongue, her hand turning the door knob to allow him to finally leave. He doesn't move, however, not while waiting for the answer to the question asked. An explanation at the clicking of the tongue and the expression of pure annoyance washing the singer's face.
"An idealist with a death wish." she says simply, and it annoys her that he would need this explained. The Red Jennies held the best of intentions but they were disorganized and went after targets that were easy to put into a frenzy. The identifies of the members, while mostly unknown, were not easy to track down. Especially not one that oftentimes found himself in soirees in the Orlesian court.
What did he think would happen when the chevaliers started to add two and two together? The chalets that were attacked weeks after some musicians, non human, accompanied by mages? Did he think that they would go through each one of the members and veto them?
How much more likely was it, then, that he was offering all of them up for slaughter for a cause that she never signed up for? "If you want to martyr yourself so badly, at least know that to be a martyr you need the right sort of story. And people need to know who you are. Your name."
And no one knew his name. Daphné places the coin atop the violin case "Take the coin. Stay in an inn outside the city. Lay low."
III
The money is counted. It is the same amount as it had been ever since she returned to Tevinter.
The methods of delivery had become more extensive, complex. Not that the recipient would know better. Or cared. All that Maxima knew, however, was that at least the money was being taken and put to good use. It didn't make her feel better but it made her feel like she was doing the right thing.
It was always the same.
A hundred gold coins placed twice a year beneath a specific porch, by a door, hidden from sight so that the owners might find it but no one else. A payment that followed the family of four, now five, everywhere they moved in the alienage. Amongst the space around them, however, this latest house was one that looked almost akin to the ones that kept them confined to the walls predetermined for people like them.
A mother, a father, an older boy, a little girl and a baby. Though Maxima wouldn't know any of their names - not that she had tried to truly find out. It was only important, somehow, in an unexplainable way, that she knew that she had done all she could to make sure that they would be provided for.
She was told, in wide strokes, about the house, about the small vegetable garden. All three children growing up healthy, well fed. All three children normal, with no magic in their veins.
The magister hadn't asked, but she had too been told that they were all happy. All of them looked healthy. Laughter could be sometimes heard pouring from the backyard.
It was not something that Maxima needed to know about. It was a hurt that was easily forgotten by the consumption of a good red wine and the lightening of her purse.
IV (a 🤏 of @evirsor @eodunn)
"And why am I the one doing this?" his voice is clipped, though calm. A true visage for someone that knew exactly how to keep his temper when asked something that he deemed... well, unreasonable.
"A fair question, dearest Hyun," Maxima hums, bringing the cigarette back to her mouth, circling around the tables of carefully stacked books and neatly arranged parchment papers. The magisters spares them all a glance though lingers over none of them with particular attention as the thin line of smoke rises and paints a path as she moves. Glancing over her shoulder, Maxima tilts her head once more, allowing the long auburn hair to sway as she did "though I did not say that it should be you doing it, only that you should make sure that it does get delivered."
However, if she was indeed to be pressed for an answer, that too could be arranged. It was not unsurprising, after all, Hyun was not unreasonable, but the same way that Maxima didn't want to have herself be seen in specific parts of the city - she could completely understand why he wouldn't either. But there were parts of the city that an elf could more freely walk, especially if one was very easily dismissed.
"Because I trust you." she starts, swaying softly as she walked around this small, now empty, room of research in one of the most prestigious Minrathous Circles "Because I need someone with a deft touch to do something that I find rather valuable."
Maxima smiles openly now, pearly white teeth against bright red, carefully drawn lips as her eyes fall on her protegé "Because I am asking you to, ever so nicely."
She hums, turning once more now to face him, pulling the cigarette from her lips she takes out a small pouch of golden coins, placing it atop a pile of blank parchments. When her hand reaches within her robes, to her belt, she removes another pouch, this one larger. Her heels click against the wooden floors. Removing the parchment from his hand, her white gloved fingers open his palm to place it on his palm.
"I would heavily suggest meeting Tacita yourself, however."
V (a 🤏 of @extravagantliar though only in spirit lmao)
The body of an organization was not unlike one of flesh and bone; there was, of course, something to be said about the spirit - or soul, but that Maxima left for the romantics. No, Maxima looked at her business as a medic would look upon sinew and bone, the inner workings of muscle and asked: is this operating at an acceptable level. And where, when, was intervention required?
Intervention was, often times, as disruptive as the illness itself. If the ill tidings were short lived, then those things would disappear. Like a piece of fabric that is pressed under a particularly firm hand that straightens a heavy linen.
Three payments were then required. One for the usual routes. Two for labour and transport. Three for clipping lose ends that were starting to impose themselves over matters that did not concern them. Kirkwall had been a wonderful work around that she and Varric had worked out over a late night of all too cheap wine - but the conversation and company had been pleasant and so she hadn't even complained about the wine then.
It had been a mistake that she would never repeat for as long as they each knew each other. Maxima Aurum was many things, cheap was not one of them.
Kirkwall had been a good solution, but now it was starting to turn on its viscount and making matters... peculiarly hard to handle. Maxima was ironing out the details without direct intervention, as best as she could, allowing for Varric to deal with it for this was his piece of the pie and she cared far more for the city and for its people than she ever did. The city was only important insofar as it held Varric's affections and heart, all else was secondary to the fact that it was also one of the main arteries to their business.
But news had reached her ears, and while Varric had not sent work himself, she knew that it was only a matter of time. A matter of where he would send the letter from - all she knew was that it would not be from within Kirkwall. And so she wanted to make sure that they knew that the mistake they had made was far deeper than initially realised.
It would cost her money, them money. Initially it would feel like an unstoppable, terminal bleeding. But a body can continue to function easily enough without a limb - even if one felt it was so deeply, intrinsically connected to its identity.
#valorcorrupt#maxima aurum ( muses )#raven received ( meme replies )#( juicy lore drops we love it )#( did I just fully run with hyun though I know next to nothing beyond what we spoke about? maybe but I just had the vision and had to do it#so uh hope this is ok! )
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i wish i could just do nothing for a few days straight. maybe even just sleep for a few days straight. sooo excited for constant misery over the next 20 days
ranting in the tags. i would just scroll past if i were you
#i love college.my favorite part is sitting alone on my couch for 4 months straight and getting so freaked out over grades i spend#5 hours straight trying to avoid the urge to bite into my arm so hard i bruise or bash my head into a wall#meanwhile i keep thinking my life is over. i don't have any evidence. for the first time in my life the future isn't predetermined by#other people and now that i don't know what comes next i just constantly get freaked out. it makes me want to claw through my skin#i know something is wrong with me. it's been 5 years. i know it isn't just going to go away; especially given current circumstances#and how it's only been getting worse over time#but i continue to just sit on my couch and do nothing about it. and since i'm not doing anything about it i just feel like i don't have the#right to complain about it even though shit fucking sucks. months of my life at a time just blur together#god. i was genuinely happy last month when i ripped a bunch of booster packs with my mates that i only see over the summer (minus my bestie#and it made me realize just how much everything's blurred together. i hadn't really felt anything lasting + significantly positive#for months before that. that's not normal#god. i've been wanting to go to bed for the last two hours but i just keep sitting here going “um! you need to study. and wash dishes. and”#so i just. don't. which is already bad but i also need to get up early so i can study for my test tomorrow.#god. fucking dreading my lab tomorrow. went to it last week but dipped at the last minute without getting my work checked off#and without submitting it because i got so angry and freaked out and telling myself “man you can just leave” calmed me down instantly#and then at that point i had like nothing done and i didn't want to admit that so i just. left#if i get asked about it i'll just say it was something personal and i panicked. shrug#a part of me is beyond tempted to skip the lab again but i'm not confident in my assignment grades in that class to do so#even though i'll end up with a 5 point bonus on the final grade from taking a survey. but i'll probably go just cause#it's the second to last lab#man i have three whole ass projects due in that class in 10 days. unless my mental state suddenly improves (it won't) i'm gonna end up doin#those the last possible three days#speaking of assignments. we had to do a group project in my bio lab yeah? the methods my group went with sucked and honestly these#people were a little bit frustrating (i get it. gen ed lab at 7:30am. i'm only in it cause i panicked when a different class registration#fell through) since it always felt like they were more interested in getting done than having like. slightly decent work but whatever#but these people? these people asked me to write the conclusion for our presentation. i ask “yeah sure yeah. what did we conclude”#“eh. you can write whatever” ???????????????? HUH???? MATE THAT IS HALF OF THE WORK???????????????????#the shitty sensors and our shitty methods gave us shitty data and YOU PEOPLE CAN'T EVEN SUGGEST WHAT THE CONCLUSION IS????????? fuck me dud#i was already in a poor mood (normal mental illness plus i had found out my uncle died like three days before#like i had talked to him just last month. never had someone i know die before. sucks) but that shit pissed me off
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Can I watch the project sekai movie without any knowledge of the game or do i need to do research before I go
#im going with my sister in order to help her get an event item#but i know next to nothing about it beyond “hatsune miku yay! :)”#project sekai#project sekai colorful stage
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my mom agreed to help me pay if fixing my laptop is too expensive but honestly i hope it's not bcs i don't want to spend all of the money i have on one go
#one of the reasons i want to wait until i have a job is bcs i want to be sure i'll be getting money at the end of the month even if i spend#all i have now#and bcs i want to be prepared if they say it'll be more than what i have like. if they tell me it goes beyond budget i want to be like#yeah sure no problem#honestly if nothing works out this week i just hope smth does next week at a fair im going#jo.txt
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