#no WONDER we’ve spent so long with your relationship being so tumultuous

[bookwyrminspiration]

the reason lee and annie weren’t talking to each other practically the whole book is because the moment they started working together again they immediately accomplished like half a dozen tasks everyone else has been fighting tooth and nail for for months to years, that’s so funny to me. munda said guys i need a conflict stop solving things you’re both in time out

[salvatoreschool]

Vampire Diaries Universe: The 25 Best Characters, Ranked

For the first time since 2009, we’re entering a fall season devoid of any new offerings from the Vampire Diaries universe. And like Stefan Salvatore without his daily diet of forest friends, we’re insatiable.

Like so many longtime TVD enthusiasts (those of us to whom the word “thesmatos” really means something!), we’ve spent much of quarantine revisiting the weird, wonderful universe — from Mystic Falls to New Orleans and back again. We’re suddenly spending a lot of time with characters we haven’t seen in years. And we’re having a lot of feelings about them.

In celebration of the franchise’s 11th anniversary, TVLine has assembled another totally non-controversial ranking, this time of the 25 best characters from the Vampire Diaries universe — a category that also includes familiar faces from The Originals and Legacies. (In Legacies‘ defense, the franchise’s latest offshoot hasn’t been around as long to endear itself to us, but that didn’t stop four Salvatore School students from making their way onto our list.)

In lieu of new content from the TVD universe this fall, TVLine is looking back at our 25 favorite characters from the entire franchise, including stand-out favorites from its two spinoffs.

SPOILER ALERT: This ranking discusses major plot points from all three shows. If you haven’t finished The Vampire Diaries (Season 1-8), The Originals (Season 1-5) or Legacies (Season 1-2), proceed at your own risk. Don’t say we didn’t warn you!

25. VINCENT GRIFFITH

Thanks to the magic of body swapping, the Mikaelson siblings have inhabited multiple physical vessels throughout the years, but none have remained in the family’s orbit quite like this Southern gentleman. Powerful, thoughtful and downright Shakespearean in his delivery (Yusuf Gatewood, ladies and gentlemen!), Vincent always has the greater good in mind. And as we learned in The Originals’ series finale, he helped Freya and Keelan pass that good along to the next generation.

24. LANDON KIRBY

Even though we’re still getting to know him, there’s already so much to like about this pure-hearted Mystic Falls townie. Not only is he the franchise’s first-ever phoenix, but he also looks like he could pass for Damon and Elena’s offspring — and that’s never a bad thing. We could tell he had a long future in this universe the moment he danced with Hope in The Originals’ final season. (So far, so good!)

23. JENNA SOMMERS

Like so many paved paradises, we didn’t fully appreciate what we had with Jenna until she was gone. Her death marked the end of Elena’s innocence — which is saying a lot, considering she was still mourning her own parents when The Vampire Diaries began. And if we’re being honest, Jenna was the ghost we were most excited to see again in the series finale. (For the record, Joseph Morgan has apologized on Klaus’ behalf for killing Jenna several times.)

22. TYLER LOCKWOOD

The First Son of Mystic Falls was kind of a jerk when we met him in The Vampire Diaries‘ first season. He was arrogant, aggressive and reckless — so it actually made perfect sense when he was revealed to be a werewolf. Fortunately, Michael Trevino’s character developed a little more nuance from that point on, especially via his Romeo and Juliet romance with Caroline. (After everything that’s happened since 2013, can you believe that they were once in a love triangle with Klaus?)

21. JEREMY GILBERT

Elena’s little brother (er, cousin?) went through a number of different, wonderful phases during his tenure in Mystic Falls. We loved him in The Vampire Diaries’ earlier seasons as the human embodiment of all things emo (he literally dated a ghost!), and we… um… appreciated his unexpected evolution into a shirt-ripping, wood-chopping vampire hunter.

20. CAMILLE ‘CAMI’ O’CONNELL

The Clarice Starling to Klaus’ Hannibal Lecter, this brave bartender was able to tap into the show’s darkest, most complicated character’s psyche in ways that no one named Mikaelson (or even Forbes) ever could. She helped him conquer a number of his demons in the few short years they spent together on The Originals, and like most people who play a significant role in Klaus’ life, she suffered the consequences. (Side note: Are we the only ones who really dug Cami as a vampire? Justice for that short-lived story arc.)

19. SHERIFF ELIZABETH FORBES

Of The Vampire Diaries’ many maternal figures, none put us through the emotional ringer quite like Caroline’s mother. We weren’t her biggest fans in the show’s early seasons, given her penchant for hunting the undead (including her own daughter), but hey, what was this show if not an endless series of redemption arcs? Also, if you don’t get a little choked up when Caroline felt her mom’s presence in the series finale, you don’t have a soul.

18. FREYA MIKAELSON

The long-lost fifth Mikaelson sibling was a little rough around the edges when we first encountered her on The Originals, but the poor woman was in the midst of escaping a centuries-long imprisonment, so we cut her a little slack. And we’re glad we did, because Freya has since become one of the strongest, most inspiring and all-around likable characters in the Vampire Diaries canon. #FreelinForever

17. MARCEL GERARD

While it’s easy to get swept up in Marcel’s charm and swagger (we were robbed of a second karaoke number, by the way!), it’s important to remember just how far back his time with the Mikaelson family goes. When you consider that Klaus literally freed Marcel from slavery and raised him to lead New Orleans as his right-hand vampire, it adds a whole other layer of tension to their passionate power struggle on The Originals. Though he’s treated like an unofficial Mikaelson sibling, Marcel often feels like more of a Mikaelson than Kol — and definitely more than Finn.

16. REBEKAH MIKAELSON

Arguably the funniest (and most glamorous) member of the Mikaelson family, the woman Damon once referred to as “Barbie Klaus” never fai to tell it exactly like it was, beginning with her thoughts on then-lovebirds Stefan and Elena. (“Honestly, I don’t get you two as a couple.”) And Bex only became more complex as the years went on, from her desperate desire for humanity to her undeniable love for Marcel. Just don’t call her insane — she prefers “spontaneous.”

15. ALARIC SALTZMAN

In hindsight, Alaric’s journey from hot history teacher to hot headmaster of a supernatural school makes perfect sense. Still, it was impossible to predict back in The Vampire Diaries’ first season just how much of an impact the man formerly known as Warner Huntington III would have on this franchise. A drinking buddy to some, a father figure to others and a literal father to a lucky pair, Alaric has truly woven himself into the fabric of this universe like few others. (That said, we still wouldn’t recommend dating him if you value your life.)

14. SHERIFF MATT DONOVAN

Only one full-blooded human survived all eight seasons of The Vampire Diaries, and you’re looking at him. The pinnacle of mortal goodness, this blue-eyed patriot hasn’t always been on the same page as his vampire brethren, but that’s only because he didn’t want to see any more his friends and family get eaten. And we can sympathize with that!

12-13. LIZZIE AND JOSIE SALTZMAN

Asking us to choose between Jo (by way of Caroline) and Alaric’s daughters is an impossible task, which is ironic, considering the Gemini twins are literally destined for a fight to the death on their 22nd birthday. Besides, these sisters have always felt like a package deal, from the moment we witnessed their birth on The Vampire Diaries to the day we reunited with them as teenagers on Legacies. (They also popped up in The Originals’ penultimate episode, putting them in the prestigious category of characters who have appeared in all three series.) Despite their inherent connection, Lizzie and Josie really have grown into two very different people, a journey we hope will continue for years (and shows) to come.

11. MALACHAI ‘KAI’ PARKER

The fact that this remorseless, pork rind-loving psychopath ranks so high on our list speaks volumes about actor Chris Wood, who brought a refreshingly sassy vibe to The Vampire Diaries’ sixth season. The guy was so likable, fans were even ‘shipping him with Bonnie… as if that poor girl hadn’t been through enough already! You also have to give Kai points for longevity — even after his head got knocked off, he managed to make two encore appearances on TVD (Season 8) and Legacies (Season 2).

10. HOPE MIKAELSON

As we mentioned with Lizzie and Josie earlier, we feel like we’ve watched Hope grow up before our eyes… because we have. Given the epic circumstances surrounding her conception, birth and upbringing, an adult version of this character had a lot of hype to live up to, and Danielle Rose Russell has proven herself more than up to the challenge. Imbued with her parents’ best qualities, Hope’s power and passion make her both a formidable foe and an invaluable ally. Besides, Legacies showed us what the world would be like without Hope, and it was not a good place.

9. HAYLEY MARSHALL

We can’t even think about this fierce, fearless mama wolf without shedding a single tear. Hayley’s story was basically one long tragedy, from her complicated marriage with Jackson to her tumultuous relationship with Elijah. And then there was her untimely demise in The Originals’ final season, which… actually, let’s not talk about that. From the moment she gave birth, Hayley’s heart belonged to Hope, and it was in her most extreme maternal moments that Hayley’s true strength was on display. That’s how we’ll remember her.

8. ELIJAH MIKAELSON

Suits? Pressed. Hair? Immaculate. Vocabulary? Thicc. With his smooth moves and cunning intellect, Klaus’ extremely respectful brother could do it all — well, except keep the people he loved from meeting horrific ends. (Seriously, this guy’s track record for dead lovers is right up there with Alaric’s.)

7. BONNIE BENNETT

Simply put, this is the witch you want in your corner when things go south. Endlessly powerful and selfless to a fault, Kat Graham’s character spent eight agonizing seasons sacrificing herself — often literally, hence her multiple deaths — in order to keep her friends and family safe. No amount of bloody noses or dead boyfriends could stop this badass from crushing her enemies.

6. CAROLINE FORBES

Getting smothered to death was honestly the best thing that could have happened to Caroline, who evolved from a basic, boy-crazy cheerleader into a bad-ass vampire overnight. And that was just the first phase of her franchise-long evolution into the empowered, globe-trotting mother of two she is today. She’s also responsible for all of The Vampire Diaries’ memorable musical moments, from her sweet song for Matt to her devastating performance at Sheriff Forbes’ funeral. (Now if only she’d pay her old pals at Legacies a visit…)

5. ELENA SALVATORE

She may not have Katherine’s chaotic flare, but Elena deserves credit for carrying much of The Vampire Diaries’ dramatic and romantic weight for six years. And for that pink hair she experimented with in Season 4. On top of that, Elena also rolled with the punches better than almost anyone. (You’re vampires? I’m a doppelgänger? Now I’m a vampire? Now I’m human again? Now I’m in a coma? Sure, let’s do this.)

3-4. DAMON AND STEFAN SALVATORE

Two sides of the same brooding coin, these brothers were as proficient at breaking hearts as they were at breaking necks. And while their love triangle with Elena will remain the stuff of TV legend, their relationship as brothers was revealed to be the real heart of The Vampire Diaries in its final two seasons. Honestly, it’s too hard to choose between them, so we’re not going to.

2. KATHERINE PIERCE

Come on, when were you not excited to see this leather-clad lunatic on your screen? Deliciously twisted and infinitely more interesting than her human doppelgänger, Katherine was behind many of The Vampire Diaries’ most jaw-dropping twists, from her iconic encounter with John(’s bloody fingers) to her long-awaited return in the series finale. Honestly, putting Katherine on hell’s throne in Season 8 was merely a formality — she was always a queen.

1. KLAUS MIKAELSON

The man, the myth, the legend. To think that the monster who slaughtered poor, defenseless Aunt Jenna on The Vampire Diaries is the same person who gave it all up to save his daughter on The Originals… well, there isn’t a clap slow enough to commend that kind of growth. (Again, Joseph Morgan is very sorry about the whole Jenna thing!) By the time Klaus evaporated on the streets of New Orleans, it felt like we had explored every conceivable nook and cranny of his existence, from his traumatic childhood to his fatal romances — and we relished every second of it.

[cozy-the-overlord]

Ooo yay!!! Can you do champagne problems? 😄💖

This took so much longer than I thought it would lol. I actually had already annotated this song a while back, but typing this up I ended up getting really into it and going down a bunch of different rabbit holes. It was really fun-- thank you so much for asking me to do it!

“champagne problems” is the second track on Taylor Swift’s ninth studio album evermore and was written by Taylor along with her boyfriend Joe Alwyn (under the pseudonym William Bowery). Taylor described this song as “the one where longtime college sweethearts have very different plans for the same night, one to end it and one who brought a ring” (x). As you can tell from that description, this is a very sad, depressing song, but it also relates to one of the main thematic elements of evermore that I discussed in my analysis of “coney island”: closure or the lack thereof at the end of a relationship. It also deals with mental health struggles and questions about what counts as a “real” problem.

Sidenote—I’ve actually considered doing one big mega post about how all of the songs on evermore come back to this idea of closure in some way or another, but it would take a really long time and I’m not sure if it would be worth the effort if no one’s going to read it. But if you’re interested, please let me know because I’d totally be down for it! :)

As with any analysis I do, this is simply my interpretation-- if you interpreted something differently, feel free to share!

Let’s get into the lyrics:

You booked the night train for a reason

So you could sit there in this hurt

Bustling crowds or silent sleepers

You’re not sure which is worse

We open with the narrator describing a person who is catching the night train because they are very sad and they need a moment to think. They’re not sure if they feel better in bustling crowds, so loud and chaotic that it’s difficult to think clearly, or alongside silent sleepers, where they’re alone with nothing but their thoughts to distract them. Clearly, they’re confused as well as hurt—they don’t really know where to go or what they should be doing (there’s no specification on where the train’s going— the destination is not something on their mind at the moment). They’re just trying to understand what it is that went wrong for them.

As we’re about to find out, the person on the train is the college sweetheart who brought a ring, and the narrator is the one who did not accept it. I want to emphasize this now because despite being from the narrator’s perspective, she focuses much more on the pain of her rebuffed sweetheart. The song starts with their emotionally tumultuous train ride and continues to focus on their life throughout. Even though she’s telling the story, we never find out what the narrator did after rejecting their proposal or really anything that happens to her after that moment. Keep this in mind—I’ll be coming back to it.

Because I

Dropped your hand while dancing

Left you out there standing

Crestfallen on the landing

Champagne problems

Here, the chorus gives us the explanation as to what led to this train ride. Immediately, there’s a sense of abandonment: being dropped, being left behind. The person is crestfallen, or disappointed or dejected, as they stand alone where the narrator left them—a perfect image of loneliness. The way the narrator describes the events of the night is also very focused on her own actions—all of this happened because of something she did. She dropped their hand while dancing, she left them out there standing. She doesn’t try to explain or frame her actions in a way to make her seem justified in doing this. She’s not telling this story to defend herself. All she’s told us is that this is something that she did, and as a result this person was hurt by it.

The chorus also gives us the title, the rather bitter shrug at the end of each stanza. “Champagne problems” is a way to describe an issue that is pretty insignificant in the grand scheme of things. Similar to “first world problems,” they’re the kind of things people would complain about to their friends while sipping champagne—if you can afford to complain to your friends while sipping champagne (an expensive drink usually associated with celebration), then your problems can’t be that bad. However, the phrase here is used a bit ironically. The narrator has just spent the first two stanzas describing an event that to these characters is clearly not insignificant. It goes to show that “insignificant” is subjective—to the rest of the world, one couple breaking up doesn’t really affect anything. But to that couple, their entire world has been changed. The subjectivity of what is or isn’t a champagne problem is something that Taylor returns to throughout the song.

Your mom’s ring in your pocket

My picture in your wallet

Your heart was glass, I dropped it

Champagne problems

The second stanza of the chorus continues to dive into the heartbreak of this break-up, with tragic details such as how the narrator’s sweetheart was carrying her picture with them alongside their mother’s ring. These two lines tell us a lot about this relationship. The way “your mom’s ring” and “my picture” mirror each other in structure connect the two, showing how important the narrator was to this person—they thought of her as family. This is further proven by the fact that the ring they had planned to give to the narrator belonged to their mother—clearly, there’s a sentimental value there that they wanted to share with her, which makes the rejection all the more gut-wrenching. The mom’s ring also serves as a way to tell us that this person has a close relationship with their family, something that will continue to pop up throughout the song. On the other hand, you’ll notice that there is never any mention of the narrator’s family at all.

“Your heart was glass, I dropped it” is not only a particularly poetic reworking of the cliché of breaking someone’s heart, but also serves to further depict the narrator as the guilty party, the cause of all this pain. This is the second time she describes herself as dropping something important to her now-ex—first their hand, then their heart. This is an even more visceral description than the first, as it gives the image of glass shattering across the floor, broken beyond repair and a mess to clean up. Again, she makes no attempt to give an excuse for her behavior.

You told your family for a reason

You couldn’t keep it in

Your sister splashed out on the bottle

Now no one’s celebrating

On the surface, the scene she describes here simply continues to add to the heartbreak of this night. This person had been so excited to propose that they told their family all about it, and their family had been so certain that the narrator was going to accept that their sister bought an expensive bottle of (what do you know!) champagne to celebrate—to “splash out” is British slang meaning to spend a lot of money. However, this detail continues to show how close this person is to their family—they confide in them, they celebrate with them, and when things don’t work out, they turn to them. They clearly have a firm support system that they can turn to within their family. Again, you’ll notice that the narrator never mentions anything about her family, or any kind of support system she has to turn to.

Dom Perigon, you brought it

No crowd of friends applauded

Your hometown skeptics called it

Champagne problems

More depressing details follow in the second chorus. They brought the Dom Perigon to the date in which they planned to propose, assumedly the same champagne their sister splashed out on for them. Along with their mom’s ring in their pocket, this goes to show that they clearly had their family’s blessing and support in regard to this marriage. Everyone seemed really excited to help them make this proposal perfect, which just makes the unexpected rejection all the more painful.

It also makes the third line in this stanza really interesting: “your hometown skeptics called it.” Firstly, you’ll notice that the narrator separates herself from this hometown—it’s “your hometown,” not “our hometown.” It makes sense that these two wouldn’t be from the same place, as according to Taylor’s explanation they met in college, but it’s still worth noting that the rebuffed ex has both a family and a hometown (emphasis on “home”) that are mentioned several times throughout the song but the narrator, the person who’s actually telling the story, doesn’t ever mention her own.

Then there’s the fact that this person’s hometown had people who were skeptical about their relationship. That seems to indicate a couple things—for one, it gives the impression that this town is pretty small and close-knit, a kind of “everyone knows everyone else” situation. That in turn gives the impression that the narrator, as an outsider, may have had some trouble fitting in. A picture is beginning to take shape, despite the scant information we’ve been given. We have the rebuffed, heartbroken ex, coming from a supportive family and a close-knit community, and the narrator, who as far as we know has no family or hometown to look to for support. You begin to wonder if she’s the reason people were speculating that the relationship would not last. After all, she blames herself for the breakup, and she says they “called it.”

You had a speech, you’re speechless

Love slipped beyond your reaches

And I couldn’t give a reason

Champagne problems

With the second stanza of this chorus, the narrator does something a bit differently than she has been thus far. For the first time, this rejection isn’t painted as simply something she did, the way it was in the first chorus (“I dropped your hand while dancing” “I left you out there standing” “Your heart was glass, I dropped it”). Instead, it’s something that neither of them seemed to be able to understand or control. Her ex, who had been so prepared for this moment, is rendered speechless, but not because of something she did—the line “love slipped beyond your reaches,” doesn’t really assign guilt. It just slipped away, which is why they are so confused. The narrator also reveals why she hasn’t tried to defend herself or explain why she made this decision—she doesn’t have a reason, neither for her sweetheart nor for herself. This is where it becomes clear that her sweetheart is not the only one suffering because of this night: the narrator is struggling with something that she doesn’t know how to explain. Perhaps this internal struggle has something to do with her apparent loneliness, and the reason why hometown skeptics thought this relationship was doomed to fail.

We now move on to the bridge. Taylor has often spoken on her love of writing bridges, and specifically talked about “champagne problems” in her interview with Zane Lowe for Apple Music, saying “that was one of my favorite bridges to write. I really love a bridge where you tell the full story in the bridge, like you really shift gears in that bridge” (x). The bridge here sees the narrator’s tone becoming increasingly more frenzied, with the words rushing from her uncontrollably as she looks back on this relationship leading up to the moment in which it ended, building and building until it finally reaches a climax. There’s a lot going on here, so I’m going to go through it slowly.

Your Midas touch on the Chevy door

November flush and your flannel cure

One of the things that has always made Taylor’s songwriting so powerfully relatable is how she uses small, innocuous, and yet deeply specific details to describe a relationship. Here, she uses them to describe how important this person was to the narrator. “Midas touch” references the Greek myth of King Midas, a man who turned everything he touched to gold. The narrator sees her sweetheart’s Midas touch on something very boring and normal like a Chevy door, showing how they brought something incredibly meaningful and precious into even the most mundane things in her life. “November flush” is likely referring to the way her cheeks would flush in cold weather, and “your flannel cure” is probably her sweetheart giving her their jacket to stay warm. While also being just an incredibly sweet image, it also paints her sweetheart as a type of healer, someone who takes care of her when she needs help and “cures” her when she’s suffering. This person is clearly someone the narrator relied on and cared for, the only type of emotional support of hers that she will describe in this song, which is why it hurts her just as much to end things as it hurts them.

“This dorm was once a madhouse”

I made a joke, “Well it’s made for me,” how

Like many things in this song, this serves as both a sweet memory of past relationship as well as reveals something about the narrator. The reference to a dorm indicates that they’re in college here, likely in the early stages of their relationship shortly after they met. The self-deprecating humor from the narrator seems like a natural joke for a college student to make, but the fact that she’s essentially calling herself crazy has raised a few eyebrows amongst listeners. Many have theorized that the narrator of this song is struggling with something relating to mental health and that that struggle played a role in why she turned down the proposal. While I of course have no way of knowing if this is what Taylor intended or not, it does seem plausible. The narrator has repeatedly categorized herself as an outsider with no apparent emotional support beyond that of her sweetheart. She seems to be the topic of gossip amongst their “hometown skeptics” and definitely feels as if this whole situation is her fault. All of this could be indicative of some kind of greater, invisible struggle.

Evergreen, our group of friends

Don’t think we’ll say that word again

And soon they’ll have the nerve to

Deck the halls that we once walked through

This bridge includes a lot of winter/Christmas imagery—she mentions her “November flush,” describes her friends as “evergreen” (like a Christmas tree), and says that soon they’ll “deck the halls” of their old college campus, a reference to the Christmas carol of the same name. This serves a few purposes: generally speaking, Taylor said during the premiere of the music video for lead single “willow” that she considers evermore to be the fall/winter companion to the spring/summer folklore (x). As a result, “champagne problems” includes a lot of wintery imagery along with other songs on the album (eg. “tis the damn season,” “ivy,” “evermore”).

However, this imagery also serves a purpose within the song itself. The fact that this horrific breakup is occurring right before Christmas, supposedly the happiest time of the year, is not only woefully ironic but also plays into the subjectivity of a champagne problem. Everyone is happy and joyful and blissfully unaffected by this breakup, but to the two people involved, the world is crashing down around them. The narrator is probably even more isolated than her ex, seeing as Christmas is a time for family, something her ex definitely has, but as far as we know she doesn’t. No wonder she’s getting frustrated at the people who will be putting up Christmas decorations—they only serve as a reminder of how alone she is.

She also describes their friends as evergreen, like a pine tree. Pine trees get this name because, unlike other trees that lose their leaves in the fall, their needles remain green and fragrant even in rough winter conditions. She’s remembering their group of friends as evergreen, something that they thought would never change, but at the same time she realizes that they probably won’t be saying that word (“our”) again— they aren’t their group of friends anymore, so they did change after all. This all just adds to her sense of alienation.

One for the money, two for the show

I never was ready so I watch you go

This is a play on the common children’s rhyme “one for the money, two for the show, three to make ready, and four to go.” It’s been around since the mid-1800’s and was often used as a countdown for games or races in playground scenarios. It got a lot of recognition from Elvis Presley’s 1955 hit “Blue Swede Shoes,” in which he sings “Well, it’s one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, now go, cat, go” (x). Here, the well-known rhyme is twisted so that the narrator backs out when it’s time to commit to the action. There’s no “three to get ready.” Instead, she watches her sweetheart go—go as in leave the date, but also go as in move on without her, as we’ll soon see.

Sometimes you just don’t know the answer

‘Till someone’s on their knees and asks you

She reveals that this rejection was a spur of the moment decision for her—unlike her lover, who had carefully planned out the ring and the Dom Perigon and the speech, she had no idea what she was going to do in that moment. It seems that it was the fear of commitment, as described in the previous two lines, that got the best of her in the end.

“She would’ve made such a lovely bride

What a shame she’s fucked in the head,” they said

Here’s another instance of town gossip that shows how both the narrator and the relationship is perceived by the others around her. She doesn’t fit into the mold that they want to put her in, she’s blamed for the failure of the relationship, and she’s thought to be crazy. It seems that everyone is supporting her ex in this breakup. And while her ex is certainly deserving of support (this night has definitely put them through the emotional wringer), she needs support too, and as far as we know she’s only getting the opposite.

It’s also worth mentioning that the clean version of this song includes the line “what a shame she’s stuck in her head” in place of the f-bomb, which does change the meaning slightly. While it’s still referring to the narrator as crazy in a way, it’s more insinuating that they think she’s living in a fantasy world and doesn’t seem to get what’s happening or what she’s lost. Regardless, they still blame her for everything, and she still receives no kind of support.

But you’ll find the real thing instead

She’ll patch up your tapestry that I shred

Here’s where we get the connection to the album’s theme of closure. The narrator promises her lover that they will move on from this relationship, that they will meet someone who loves them like they deserve and who will help them heal from this horrible moment. Their loneliness on the night train will be temporary. They will find closure, and they will be happy again. But the narrator?

And hold your hand while dancing

Never leave you standing

Crestfallen on the landing

With champagne problems

Your mom’s ring in your pocket

Her picture in your wallet

You won’t remember all my

Champagne problems

She doesn’t get that closure. She’s left alone with her champagne problems, issues that everyone else writes off but that she really struggles with, alone and unsupported. Even she seems to try to write them off, emphasizing the importance of her ex and how they will find happiness. After all, she’s been singing this entire song about their champagne problems, not hers. They’ll be able to forget hers—those problems no longer affect them. The narrator, however, can’t. To her, they aren’t champagne problems. They’re her life.

[iamnotoriginalphil]

Family Matters (Zelda Spellman x Reader) - Part 15

Synopsis: You share some hesitancy with Bella.

Words: 1064

Warnings: threat of violence

AN: You’re getting this a little early today as I have D&D tonight. The only upside of this whole quarantine thing is we’ve doubled the number of sessions we’re playing. Let me know if you want to tagged in future chapters.

You hated waiting for Bella in the cold and the damp. You weren’t sure you’d been fully dry since before you’d met her. If you didn’t know better, you’d think you were growing mould in your dark places. Not that it would matter if you were given you were keeping Zelda at arms length after your conversation in your bedroom. It was better to not let yourself quiet that close to her. Not if you had to keep seeing Bella.

“Mi amour, you look radiant tonight.”

You shrieked, putting your hand over your heart. It was beating as fast as a hummingbird’s. Bella moved silently at the best of times but now she was astral projecting you had no way of knowing she was there. It added to the fear you already felt, knowing she could happen upon you at any moment and you wouldn’t know until she was there. You couldn’t trust your own privacy any longer.

Bella laughed at you, reaching out towards you as if to tuck your hair behind your ear. She used to do it all the time when she could touch you. Now her hand just passed through you, leaving a chill in its wake. You shivered, drawing back a step.

“I’m hoping that was a shiver of pleasure,” Bella said.

“It was a shiver of cold,” you replied, “the middle of the night isn’t very hospitable.”

“You know this is the only time I can see you, mi amour,” she said, “or would you rather I not visit?”

“Of course not, Bella.”

She gave you one of those dazzling smiles that once stopped your breath. Now it stopped your heart for all the wrong reasons. She laughed again, throwing her head back. Her hair streamed down her back, shining in the little light the moon provided. You missed being enchanted with such a sight. It would be so much easier if you were.

“I am here for your report, mi amour,” she said once her laughter subsided.

“Well, I’d certainly say Zelda is feeling friendly towards me,” you said, thinking about the feeling of her body pressed against yours. Suddenly you weren’t feeling so cold any more.

“Oh this is wonderful news,” Bella said, clapping her hands in delight, “I knew I could trust you with this job.”

“She seems nice,” you said before you could stop yourself. It had been plaguing you for so long, that Zelda wasn’t malicious, and that you had no idea why Bella was holding on to this grudge.

“That’s how she lures you in. She’s kind and seductive, right up until the point she strikes. Would you like to be on the receiving end of her ire? I’ve seen her do such terrible things to stronger people than you, mi amour. She is not to be trusted.”

You twisted your fingers together, the tumultuous feelings not being tamped down by her reassurances. You hadn’t seen anything close to that in Zelda. If anything, all the time you’d spent with her had uncovered a kind heart underneath all the ice. Or at least, that’s what it seemed like to you.

“I guess I’m just not understanding how what she did earned this kind of retaliation,” you said, your voice soft but in the silence it seemed to echo, “it doesn’t seem like it was the worth all this.”

“Are you growing fond of her, mi amour?” she asked, and not for the first time you were glad she wasn’t able to touch you, “are you rethinking this little arrangement of ours?”

“I can’t understand why you’re still so angry about this? Plenty of people go through it,” you said.

She growled low in her throat, reminding you that she was an animal first and foremost. You took a step back, forgetting she wouldn’t be able to hurt you in the here and now.

“If you are having second thoughts, speak them now, or I will assume anything that goes wrong is due to you,” she snarled.

“She just doesn’t seem like she deserves what you’re planning,” you said.

“I thought of all people, you would not be spellbound by her superficial charms,” she said, “has she tried to seduce you yet?”

You silence was enough of an answer for her. She screamed, turning away from you. You wrapped your arms around yourself, this conversation not going the way you had planned at all. You would have run away if you could, but the consequences would be worse if you did.

“That is the only way she knows how to get what she wants,” Bella snapped.

“I didn’t give in to her,” you said.

She took a deep breath, composing herself. She turned back to you, winning smile on her face.

“Of course you didn’t, mi amour. You’re too smart for the likes of her,” she said, “you would never do something like that when you are so devoted to me.”

“Of course not, Bella,” you said, looking down at your feet.

“I’m sure she was not best pleased with your rejection,” she said, walking towards you. Her hips were swaying, her lips pouting, and skin glowing. You bit down on your lower lip, reminded of the first time you’d ever seen her. She’d been so entrancing that night. It was easy to see how you’d been taken in.

“She wasn’t happy about it,” you conceded.

“Is she throwing you out?” she asked.

“No,” you replied, “she said it would have no bearing on our professional relationship.”

“And your personal relationship?” she asked.

“She’s still friendly,” you replied, “I honestly think she’s put it behind her.”

Bella shook her head. “No, mi amour, she’s biding her time.”

That did not bode well.

“Do not give into her charms, mi amour, and do not forget that if you double cross me, I can hurt you far more.”

She disappeared into the mist, blinking out of existence. You sniffed, squeezing your eyes tight. Maybe this was all a bad dream and if you worked hard enough you’d wake up in your bed, back in your childhood home, with your mother shouting to wake you up.

You squinted your eyes open. You were still standing in the chilled forest, the moonlight barely lighting your surroundings. You sighed, turning to return to the mortuary.

“I just don’t think we should be doing this,” you whispered to yourself.

Tags: @theenglishwizard @eyesofanangeltongueofadevil @hallospaceboyy @alexusonfire @justkeepbreathingnow @ghostsunderstoodmysoul @witching-imagines @praisezeldaspellman @escapetodreamworld @panicnymph @anxiousgoldengirl @theprassebox @witchessticktogether @pizzapyjamas @plooffairy @whos-to-know @spicyrice20 @fallenangelmuse @whos-to-know @step-intoyour-power

[firesidexfables]

changes

People told her she’d changed. 

Sure, it’d been 2 months or so since she’d last seen her friends. Maybe a little over 4 months since the break up. And yeah, she’d spent more than a month in Seoul, and another month or so off the grid just cos she wanted to. She couldn’t help it - after the sorry excuse for a year she'd had, all she wanted was a little bit of escape. To just be on her own, be her own person for a while and just exist. 

Truth be told, she had enjoyed the 2 months away from familiar places and faces. It kind of felt like a hard reset for her life. A much needed reset, in her opinion. 

Had she changed? 

Okay, so she did come back to her hometown about 10kg or so slimmer, with a short boyish crop of copper hair and dressed in clothes she wouldn’t have worn half a year ago - a black turtle neck, checkered collared jacket and belted black jeans. Not to mention 3 more piercings in her ears and new silver steel earrings. Maybe it was the ice blue coloured contact lenses too, turning her brown eyes a grey green instead. 

Looking at herself in the toilet mirror, she took in her appearance and had to admit that yes, perhaps the change might have been pretty jarring for the friends she’d left at the table - the friends who’d last seen her more than 60 days ago. 

She’d walked into the cafe and waved to the group of 4 gathered at the table. Two of them had heir backs facing her so they hadn’t seen her entrance. The other two - her best friend since 15 and her boyfriend of 4 years - had been facing the cafe door but stared past her for a good 1 minute. She kept on waving, wondering why there was no response as she strode over to their table. 

Eyes widened in shock and recognition as she sat down on the empty chair beside her. 

“Oh my god, I didn’t recognise you at all! What happened to your hair?!”

She’d shrugged and laughed. “C’mon, you always knew I wanted to cut it short.” 

Opposite her, the two other guys at the table did a double take. 

“Wait, is that really you? Man you look like you really DO live in Seoul.” 

“Well, I did technically. For a month.”

2 coffees and a cheesecake later, she’s excused herself to the washroom to freshen up. To be honest, she hadn’t made any of these changes on purpose - the loss of weight, the haircut, the change in style. She supposed, maybe with finally being free of all the unnecessary pain in her life, these were all things she had always wanted to do. Be healthier. Look cool. Try new clothes. Be herself? Probably. 

She walks back out to rejoin her friends at the table - her Best Friend Jane, her Best Friend’s boyfriend Alex; Ross - the annoyingly athlete whom she’d befriended in freshman year during a concert, and Kai - Ross’s best friend who for some reason had always been in the same classes as her since she’d started university. The people she’d grown to love through tumultuous years as a struggling university student. People whom she’d - somewhat guiltily - wanted to get some space from during her 2 month hiatus. Not that she didn’t enjoy their company, but everything had just been too suffocating back then - too many memories and too much to deal with. 

But now, things were different. She was different. And she was happy to see them again. 

“Dang, Morgan. I still can’t get over how different you look.” Ross blurts out in the midst of the ongoing conversation she and Jane are having about lattes versus Americanos. 

She looks over from the fake banter she was engaged in with Jane and raises an eyebrow. “It’s weird though, I don’t actually feel like I changed much.”

“Are you kidding me right now?” Kai, who’d been strangely quiet most of the coffee session, finally spoke his first few words of the night. “You’re like, a whole new person. If you didn't sit with us I would have thought you were a stranger.” 

Both of her eyebrows arch upwards now, and she isn't quite sure how she should react to that comment. She studies Kai’s face, which she remembered being usually easygoing and ready to smile. There was none of that today, and she realised that he seemed... sad? Not really. Something closer to mirth, almost a cold meanness. She’s pretty sure that's not the Kai who sat next to her in every class, always cracking some lame joke which she’d roll her eyes at with a smile. This Kai seemed cold, almost angry. Was it her? Had she caused this? Or had something happened to change him too? 

Nonetheless, the tension at the table had gone up a notch and she had to do something. She could feel Jane getting worried and flustered beside her, with sweet Alex trying to think of a amicable reply. Ross was just open-mouthed in shock, not quite sure what to say. 

She gave a smooth chuckle, unruffled (seemingly) by her friend’s icy tone. She ran a hand through her fringe out of habit and took a sip of her iced Americano before saying, quietly, “Well I guess it’s a good thing I did sit down then.” She smiled because she really did mean the words she was about to say next, “I really missed you guys when I was in Seoul.”

Kai’s eyes softened a little, although his expression never changed. She took it as a small win. Jane engulfed her in a passionate side hug, and the table mood was in a good place again. 

“Who told you to go for so long! When you said you needed some space to work things out yourself, I didn't imagine it would be that long or that hard not seeing you.” 

“I know, I'm that important in your life right.” Morgan laughs. “You totally don't have a super nice boyfriend, a thesis to write, and your sister’s wedding in a week that you had to plan for.” She jabs playfully at Jane, who rolls her eyes but is still smiling fondly at her. 

“I hate you Morgan, you know that right.”

“Uh-huh, I’m sure. That’s why you stuck with me for 7 years.” 

“Urghhh, you two are grossing me out. Alex is Jane’s boyfriend, not you Miss Kpop-idol-from-Seoul.” Ross grimaces, although this is definitely not the first time he’s witnessed such banter from them. 

“Alex doesn't mind.” Both her and Jane chorus together. 

Alex laughs, his eyes crinkling good-naturedly into tiny crescents. “I’m glad you’re back Morgan. You wouldn’t believe the number of times Jane wanted to call you but realised you wouldn’t be contactable. We really did miss you.

“Anyway, we’ve spent most of the night going on about all of our boring lives the past 2 months. How was your trip? Are you feeling better after Seoul?”

One of the reasons Morgan had approved of Alex dating her best friend was because he really was such a sweet guy. Not a selfish bone in his body, and a heart of gold. She couldn’t think of a better person to love her Best Friend. She smiles and does a quick reflection on her month in Seoul - all the museums, streets, people, morning runs and time to sketch and take photographs that she’d had. Koreans liked to use the word healing, and she couldn't think of a better way to put it. 

“Yeah. Healing, right? That’s what they always say in k-dramas. That's what it felt like. Healing.” 

Jane beams happily at her. “What’s your favourite thing about Seoul?”

“Wow, I’m not sure I can pick just one thing though my god...” 

“Okay okay,” Ross chimes in. “How about your best memory then?”

She cocks her head to the side, biting her lip as she tries to think of her best memory. There were truly so many good memories there, it was hard to pick the best one. 

“Hmmmm... well this is gonna seem a little unimpressive for a best memory. But if I had to pick I think it was one Saturday morning when I travelled a little further to MMCA. It was that golden hour kind of sun, and - don’t judge me for this - but I bought a MacDonald’s coffee and walked from the station to MMCA. It was like maybe 7 degrees out? But the sun was so pretty. It was such a nice walk, I took some photos and sat outside MMCA and just drank my coffee and I don't know. I felt really happy and free. Like I could just be myself, you know? And that life was good and I didn’t anything else in that moment. 

“Sorry I bet you guys were expecting like some epic night out, or some amazing mountain hike or maybe I met BTS?” 

They laughed at her finishing comment. Well most of them did. Kai just drank his latte quietly, not looking up from his coffee cup. 

What was up with him, seriously? Morgan decided that she'd confront him in class on Monday. 

“Nah man, that sounds pretty amazing actually.” Ross assured her. “Sometimes in life it’s just the little things, amirite? I feel the happiest when I’m on my morning runs. Nothing fancy, just me and the pavement beneath.”

She nods and finishes the last of her coffee. “Yeah man, I never thought something so simple could make me so happy. Kind of made me think, why was I trying so hard before, you know?”

It was a vague reference, but everyone knew enough to know she was talking about her ex. The break up that had radically shifted the course of her life. The heartbreak of being cheated on, and the toxicity of a relationship that had pulled her down all this time without her realising. In hindsight, she was actually thankful she broke up with him. It felt like she was a chained tiger who’d finally escaped her cage. Free, and ferocious in all her newfound strength. Ready to conquer the adventures of life again. 

Of course, only Jane knew the full extent of how horrid that relationship had been and how hard she’d taken it at first. She didn’t want to make a big deal out of it, so not everyone - not even Alex - at the table knew much about the break up other than it had happened. 

A soft hand lands on her shoulder, and she turns to see Jane smiling that soft smile of hers at her. “But that’s how you’ve always been Morgan. You’ll try your hardest till you die for something you truly believe in, and I love that about you. I'm just happy you came to before you really died on the inside.” 

The sudden, sombre shift in atmosphere makes Morgan feel a little uncomfortable. She gives her signature half smirk. “Yeah right, like I'd die that easily. What has our years of friendship taught you?”

Jane shakes her head fondly, knowing the bravado has always been her way of diffusing difficult situations and topics. 

“It’s getting late.” Kai says, putting down his now empty cup. “We should all head home.” 

Morgan is, once again, puzzled and a little concerned about the cold edge in her friend’s tone that she has never heard before. She made a mental note to text Jane about it later. 

“Yeah,” she agrees, despite it being way before her bedtime. “The place is closing soon anyways.”

They get up to leave, gathering their bags and finishing their drinks. Morgan is slinging her black Oxford bag over her shoulder, when she feels someone tapping her back softly. She turns around to see one of the baristas from the counter with a cup of iced Americano in her hand. 

“Sorry, this might come off a little weird but, my friend over there wanted to ask you out but she's too shy to do it herself.”

Everyone at the table shuffles awkwardly. Morgan just smiles. Honestly, this wasn't the first time something like this happened since her haircut in Seoul. 

“Mm,’ she hums thoughtfully. “Your friend knows I’m a girl right.” 

The barista flashes a triumphant smile and calls over to her colleague. “See, I told you!!” The other barista just blushes a deeper shade of red. “Yeah, I told her I'm pretty sure you’re a girl, but she said she doesn't care whether you're a buy or girl. She thinks you're cute.”

Morgan cocks an eyebrow for the second time that night. “O...kay. I kind of don't swing that way though, sorry. Don't mind being friends though?”

The barista smiles. “Aww, that’s sweet of you. ‘Kay I'll tell her what you said, but the coffee’s on the house. Her number’s on the sleeve if you change your mind.” She says with a wink before handing the cup to Morgan and heading back to the counter - no doubt to report back to her blushing friend. 

“Well... that was awkward.” Ross breaks the silence, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment, as if it was him who was asked out. 

“Believe it or not, that’s not the first time something like this has happened to me since I got the haircut.” 

“Wait. Are you really thinking of calling her?” Kai looks at her incredulously, noticing the coffee cup still in her hand. 

“So what if I do?” Morgan retorts, getting a little peeved at his behaviour today. “She’s a nice girl who gave me a free coffee.”

“Wow,” Jane looks at her with bug-like eyes. “Seoul really has changed you.”

“I’m just kidding. But I probably will text her though, just to turn her down nicely. Cos I’m not a douche like some guys.” 

She doesn't catch the glare that Kai gives her as she walks out of the cafe. 

---

His friend had changed. 

It was Monday, their first day back in school after the year end holidays. Sure, Kai had already met up with Morgan and the gang on Sunday, so he really shouldn't be surprised to see how different she had become. But he found himself still a little shocked to see his friend - the girl who had sat beside him for countless classes, indulging grudgingly in his lame jokes, the girl whom he had seen as more of a bro than an actual girl for the longest time - walking into class in an artfully distressed black wool sweater a few sizes too big, tucked into a pair of ripped jeans and sporting black Dr Martens. Her boyishly-cut hair looked slightly windswept, curling prettily and loosely around her forehead. The shortness of her hair exposed every ear piercing she had/had gotten, along with her slender neck, strong jawline and the slight dip of her collar bones. Had her brow somehow gotten stronger, her lashes longer, her eyes bigger and her lips more full? How could someone look prettier even though her hair was shorter and her features more strong and defined? 

Kai was in trouble. He could tell from how couldn't help but stare at her, heart pounding a little too fast and much too loud in his ears. What was happening to him? He’d sat beside this girl for more than 3 years of his life, and he’d never once felt anything more than platonic concern for her. But suddenly, one trip to Korea and a coffee later, he can’t stop his heart from palpitating uncontrollably. It made him immensely irritated. Not to mention how she’d up and left 2 months ago, just ghosted everyone (him included) without any explanation, until she’d returned last week and asked them out for coffee in their group chat. 

Wasn’t that a little too much? And now she had to come back looking like this. 

It was too much for him to take. All this change. In his friend, and in himself and his feelings too. He knew yesterday at the cafe, he’d been less than friendly - perhaps even hostile - towards Morgan. But he couldn't help it. He was so afraid that if he didn't have the guise of anger to hide behind, he’d say other things he’d regret much more. 

He knew there was a point last night where he’d said something that really did hurt her. He forgot what it was, but he’d seen the hurt in her eyes for a fleeting moment, although she had a smile on her face. It was that empty smile she’d seen her plaster on before, when she was with him - her ex. He’d hated seeing her like that, and hated himself even more for being the one to have caused it. But he had to keep her at arm’s length - at least until he’d figured out what exactly he was feeling. 

Unfortunately, though, Morgan seemed entirely clueless to his predicament as she sat down beside him and placed a tray with 2 coffee cups on the lecture hall table. He tried to keep his face stoic, but inside he was a panicking mess. He couldn't even turn to face her. 

“Hey, I brought you coffee. It’s still a flat white right, you haven't changed your order while I was away.”

He really should say thanks and give her a smile, because that’s what she deserved for being sweet enough to still remember his coffee and get it after the terrible attitude he’d shown her yesterday night. But all he could manage was a curt nod and a muttered, “Thanks.”

She’s silent as she takes her cup out of the tray and pulls out her textbook. The professor’s taken the attendance and is beginning his class. He steals a sideways glance, and sees the deep frown on her forehead. He wished he could reach out and smooth it away.

Stop it, Kai. What the heck are you thinking?! This is Morgan, your friend whom you’ve seen in all sorts of unglamorous, embarrassing and epic situations. Morgan, who probably just sees you as a bro. Not to mention, she's also a year older than you. So that's younger bro to you, sir.

His inner monologue is shattered by the abrupt clank of a pen hitting the table. It’s not loud enough to disrupt the class, but loud enough that Kai can hear it clearly. Morgan’s hand is on the table beside him, clasped over the pen she’d just slammed down. 

“Look,” she turns to face him, her voice low but clear. He has no choice but to turn and meet her eyes, a pretty grey-green now. He’s distracted by the colour for a while, until she speaks again. 

“I get it if you think I've changed. Maybe I have. Why’s that a bad thing though? And why are you so upset with me about it? Is it cos I disappeared without telling you? Just tell me so at least I know why you're treating me like this.” 

He can see the sheen of tears starting to well up in her eyes, and he feels like the worst person on earth. In all the years he’d known Morgan, he’d never really seen her cry before. It was almost shocking, to see her on the brink of tears because of him. She doesn't tear up like how most girls would, with trembling lips and a sad expression. Instead, her jaw is set and her lips pressed together tightly. Her brows are arching in an almost angry way, and she looks more ferocious than vulnerable despite the tears building up in her eyes. 

Kai squares his jaw. “Let’s talk after class.” is all he manages to say. 

Morgan snorts at him, and instead of the tears spilling over, they almost seem to dissipate before actually falling. “Fine. After class. Let’s settle this.”

He muses about how it sounds like one of those things gangsters say when they decide on a fight. 

---

They’re on the rooftop. 

They used to come up here when he was a freshman, and she was a sophomore. That was before he’d managed to skip a year and suddenly they had every class together. When they needed a place to meet because their schedules hadn’t aligned that well.

Sadly, it wasn't just schedules that were lining up well right now for them.

Kai sighs as he runs a hand through his hair. Morgan is standing beside him, arms crossed as both of them look over the ledge to the sprawling campus courtyard below. 

“We’re here. Let’s talk.” she says curtly. 

He doesn't know how to begin. His brain is turning over various opening sentences over and over again, but his mouth refuses to move. For a good 5 minutes. 

“Fine, if you’re not going to say anything then I will. I don't know what I've done wrong to make you so angry with me Kai, but I know I definitely don't deserve this. I’ll admit, I probably could have handled things a little better when I wanted to leave. Explained more. Not just upped and left. So yeah I get it, a bit of a jerk move on my end. But I really needed that break. Really badly. 

“I didn't tell you guys much because I didn't want you to worry. But it was bad. I was in a bad place... I knew I had to call a time out on everything before it was too late. So yeah, I know I didn't go about it the best way and I’m sorry for the way I left. But I'm not sorry for going, and I'm not sorry for changing. 

“The way I am now... I'm happy this way. I don't want to go back to that miserable person who thought she was happy all this time. So I’m not gonna be sorry for that. And if you feel maybe the me right now is not someone you can be friends with then fine, I respect that. Just say it to my face instead of treating me like you can't wait to bite my head off.” 

The silence is excruciating. 

He had never heard such raw emotion come from her before. It was like being burned at the centre of a flame, right at its hottest point. His mind went blank, and he just couldn't think of any response to explain how wrong she was, how he didn't hate her at all, how he wasn't angry at her but really, truly, he was just angry at himself. 

Most of all, he didn't know how to say anything without admitting how his feelings for her had changed. That's right. He was finally admitting it. He had feelings for her. And it hadn’t just started yesterday, when she'd returned looking amazing (although that did amplify things quite a bit). No, when he began to really think about it, it had probably started when he found out about the break up... how angry he had been at him for breaking her heart (although he had no clue what had happened, all she said was that it “didn't work out”, but somehow he knew he’d broken her heart). How he’d wanted so badly to text her “are you okay? do you want to talk?” instead of “oh man, it’s okay lots of fish in the sea.” How he’d been so worried when she didn't reply for days, and when he called her phone was off, only to find out from Jane that she’d decided to take a break and went off the grid. How throughout those 2 months she’d been in Seoul and elsewhere, he wanted so badly to just text “I miss you” but knew it wasn't something a bro would do. How he had imagined the day she’d be back, he'd take her out to her favourite pizza place and ask her all about her trip, if she was doing okay, laugh and make lame jokes at her stories and walk her home. Give her a friendly hug before calling it a night. How they'd go back to class again the next day. 

Yeah, if he was honest with himself, he’d changed too, many months back. Even before she’d changed and became someone cooler, he’d already cared about her back then. 

But he had no idea how to put all of that into words, and so the silence stretched on even longer.

“...Fine. I’m done with this.” she turns around and walks away, leaving him to continue staring out at the courtyard.

He can hear her footsteps, getting further away as the distance between them and their hearts grows with every step. 

Suddenly, he’s sprinting to catch her as she’s almost at the door to the stairway. Before he can think, he is grabbing her wrist and pulling her back, away from the exit and turning her around to face him. Her brow is creased in a puzzled and angry frown, and her whole body goes rigid, as if she’s about to bolt at any moment. 

“I’m sorry.” 

That damned arching brow of hers, as she gives him her habitual questioning look. 

He sighs, once again running a hand through his hair nervously. “I’m sorry.” he says again uselessly. 

“Okay?”

“No, wait. Let me just... I just...” he fumbles and growls in frustration. He’s still holding her wrist, but gentler now. “Why can't I talk properly in front of you?!”

Some of the anger has gone from her face, and now she looks genuinely puzzled. “What do you mean? It’s always been hard to get you to shut up.”

He laughs bitterly. “Yeah about dumb, useless things.

“Okay look, I messed up. You’re right, you didn't deserve to be treated like that. I guess I was angry. But not at you. At myself.” 

Now, she’s just plain confused. He waves his free hand placatingly, indicating that he's about to explain. 

“Thing is, you're not the only one who’s changed the past few months. I think I've changed too, without really realising it till recently. 

I know we’ve always seen each other as friends. Bros. Whatever. And I’m a year younger so maybe I'm more like a little bro to you. But I think at some point that's no longer how I feel about you. 

Remember when you first broke up? Yeah, sorry I’m bringing it up. I told you “its okay, lots of fish in the sea.” right? What I really wanted to say was “are you okay?” But I didn't cos I was stupid and scared. 

And when you disappeared. I wasn't angry actually. I was really scared something bad had happened to you, but then Jane told me you left and I was happy you were safe. 

Those months you were away, I really missed you. Not us like our group, but me. Just me. I missed you. There was so many times I wished I could have just texted you that. Hey, I miss you. But yet again, stupid me was too scared to.

And when you came back, yeah I was angry. But not at you, because you’d changed. I was angry at myself, because I saw how you had to heal and go through everything alone all that time. And I wasn’t there for you and I didn't anything to help you. 

I’m sorry it came off the way it did. I guess in summary, I was just scared of everything I was feeling. And I was scared of losing our friendship because of it. Cos you know, we’ve always been friends. Bros. Doing bro stuff all the time. And you’ve always been looking out for me although we’re seriously barely a year apart?! But still. You probably don't see me that way, and to be honest I never realised I saw you this way until everything went down last year.

Basically I guess, what I'm trying to say Morgan is. 

I like you.” 

---

[rckbell]

slow burn

pairing: ed/winry rating: k+? (i dont remember how this works) summary: a slow burn is fine, but winry wonders if he’ll ever catch on (post-promised day)

a/n: ha,,, hahaha im back. look i’ve been listening to a LOT of kacey musgraves in addition to my fmab rewatching hence... a lot of feelings. i’m quite rusty at this, but i’d appreciate any feedback! feel free to slide into my inbox, but as always, thanks for reading :) enjoy!~

Winry Rockbell was aflame, and completely puzzled. 

Her life had never been particularly average, by any standard. But, she had managed to sand down and smooth out her life, as admittedly tumultuous as it has been, as much as possible. Always moving, constantly working, relentlessly good-natured. She carried her scars proudly but never allowed them to weigh her down. Her life was a vast web of hardship and trauma, though intertwined with tight bonds and fierce strength. She always managed to keep going.

Perhaps that was why it was so peculiar to her when she noticed a definite shift. Her life up to that point had been just so that things - bad things - usually occured in a raging storm, coming and destroying the constants in her life and transforming everything into a variable. She was used to a definitive, clear, breaking point, an event, a day; a war, a death; something to concretely signal that things would not be what they once were.

Thus, when she found herself considering Edward as more than her childhood friend, her feisty customer, her headstrong ally, it understandably took her a moment to process.

She regarded the brothers exiting the train platform in Central City, and as her locomotive chugged away, she couldn’t help but ponder when and how he had become... she didn’t even know how to shape it in her mind. He was never in her perphiary by any sense, but here he was taking center stage, carelessly flicking at embers beginning to burn in her heart. How long, she wondered, had this flame been growing?

She shrugged, slightly annoyed not at her new disposition, but at what to do next. As focal as he may have been, she decided, she could not (nor did she want to) devote all her time and energy to daydreaming and fantasizing. Moreover, as time passed, she came to understand how much of a liability she could be, when dangled as a hostage at Briggs. So she’d carry on, acutely aware of her feelings, but equally as cognizant of her budding priorities in Rush Valley. After all, she’d be no good if she sat at home fretting about his fate all day. Days were spent with brief interludes but him, about Al, about them, but she chose not to dwell. She decided she was alright. A slow burn was just fine. She’d store it in her pocket, letting the embers grow as time progressed. She’d let them strike when, and more importantly if the time was right.

When she encountered an admittedly taller Ed in Resembool just before the Promised Day, she’d been reminded of how deeply she cared for him. She’d lashed out, unapologetically, when confronted with the uncertainty of the day to come, and he’d bitten back, doing little to quell her anxiety. In the end, he rescinded his earlier words, and assured her that they’d be back. She swore on an apple pie that’d happen.

It was certainly hard to keep faith when she collapsed to the kitchen floor, her life force sinking beneath her and her soul being dragged beyond her reach, but when she’d regained consciousness after what had really been an hour but felt like some odd years, she knew they had done something right. The proof came two months later when she greeted her two boys, almost all flesh and wholly alive. She entangled them in her arms and was content to never again let go.

Amidst the genuine craziness of their homecoming, she’d been able to tame her heart well-enough. After all, she’d gotten more than her fair share of practice.

But soon enough, she felt the heat. She felt it when she’d catch Ed’s golden eyes on her. She’d acknowledge him quickly, offering him a quiet smirk before he darted away from her, face flushing. She felt it when, one night spent stargazing, she carefully rested her head into onto Ed’s shoulder as though it were the most normal thing in the world. He, of course, completely froze like a popsicle, but after 10 or so minutes, his posture loosened. She felt it when she casually entangled her hand with his on a walk to the market. Albeit, it was much more enjoyable once his hand stopped sweating profusely.

She especially felt it at Solstice Festival that June, when she’d ardently persuaded him into joined her in a dance. After a moment of sputtering (“W-Win, I can’t - I’ve got two left feet I - Oh, c’mon you know Granny and Al will give me hell...”) he’d tentatively placed one hand on her waist and the other in hers. To the gentle strumming of a guitar, she’d set her head gently against his chest where she’d heard his heart rate going in double time to the beat. As the music swelled and faded into crickets, she’d gingerly given him a kiss on his beet-red cheek.

This was how their summer progressed, small steps until they grew more and more normal, followed by another bound forward. Little, defining moments, like she was used to, encompassing one large shift. She was alright with the slow burn, but, geez for the prodigal, overly-confident, hell, even annoying Fullmetal Alchemist, she wondered when he’d catch on (if ever). 

She got her answer with the arrival of fall. Carved pumpkins and warm cider marked the end of a summer’s harvest, and unmistakable new territory.

The moment the leaves began to fall from nearby trees, Al was unstoppable.

“Brother! Winry!” He exclaimed one particularly fruitful afternoon. “We have to go play outside!” 

Winry smiled from her book; his joy was jubilant. How could she deny him this simple pleasure? “I’m in,” she grinned.

Ed snorted, “Isn’t it a little kiddish? Plus I just raked them all up.”

Winry and Al rolled their eyes, “Perfect for jumping in, then!” They countered. Ed moaned, but couldn’t help but loosen up once Al began frolicking happily among the seasons colors.

The three jumped about, tossing the foliage into the air and kicking piles at each other. It was Winry’s idea to begin a friendly game of tag, but knowing the Elrics, it did not remain light-hearted for long.

Al was “it” and pondering his choices carefully. Ed was panting about 35 yards to his right, Winry 10 yards closer to his left. 

Al made a run for Winry, who immediately yelped and dashed towards Ed with a smirk. The elder brother hadn’t been paying quite enough attention; Winry darted behind Ed. nAl grasped the hem of Ed’s hoodie and breathlessly hollered, “You’re it, Brother!”

Ed fumed, “Damn it, Winry! I’m not your bait!” But the blonde was already spiriting away, blonde ponytail bobbing and unmistakable laughter chiming in the wind. She turned around to flash him a wicked smile that made this tongue go dry.

Without a second thought, Ed ran after her. He chased her around the yard in circles, completely missing his worn-out brother secede for a water break and head back inside. 

For a moment they both stopped, about 20 yards apart. Both breathing heavy, Ed resting his arms on his legs. God, he was out of shape after a summer off. They caught their breath, both staring at each other intently. Ed could feel his heart practically thumping out of his chest, something he attributed to the intense game and less to the ever-intoxicating woman he was grasping at. He flashed her a look she couldn’t quite decipher before lunging after her.

Winry whipped around, laughing and trying to evade him. Winry ran in a zig-zag, trying to ward Ed off, but he had years of combat training on her. She shrieked as he closed the distance between them, closing his hand around her forearm.

In one fluid motion, he spun her around to face him,, stopping their forward motion and pressing her directly onto him. He became acutely aware of many things in one moment. Her sweet breath was sticky on his face, reminding him they were a hair’s length apart. His grip on her remained tight. Her blue eyes were wide with surprise, delight, and... was that anticipation? Her chest moved against his as they both struggled to normalize their respiratory systems, though he reminded, with Winry this close to him, there was little chance of that.

A summer flashed before him, a summer of stolen moments, chaste touches, nights spent together. Of course, she had taken the lead, him attempting to follow behind but continutely he allowed himself to be surprised by her. Their relationship, he remembered, was a long, drawn-out burn, but now more than ever, the distance seemed to be closing. 

She spoke him out of his reverie, “Ed?” Her voice was patient, even beckoning.

Damn it all.

He pressed his lips into hers without a second thought. Pounding heart and swirling thoughts aside, all he could do was melt. She smiled against him, slipping free of his grasp and holding his face between her hands while his hands dropped to her hips, trying desperately to eliminate any remaining space between them. Tentatively, he moved his lips against hers trying to block his heartbeat in his eardrums. She responded positively, teasing him with her tongue and snaking her arms around his neck.

After an eternity that was somehow not long enough, they break, breath as uneven as when they began. Her eyes met his and she laughed at his flushed complexion. “Finally,” she breathed and he grimaced.

“S-sorry, I was just...” he stammered “I w-was. Look, I’ve never-”. She rolled her eyes, briefly kissing him once more and he forgot his momentary embarrassment, lost in the burn that is Winry Rockbell.

She relinquished, untangling herself and opting instead to slip her hand into his as she dragged him towards the house. He blinked a few times, following her blindly before she whipped around to offer him one more dazzling smile. “It’s okay,” she admitted, nuzzling her head into his neck. “I’m alright with a slow burn.”

“We’ve got time,” he concured. She hummed in agreement.

“And you’ve got a lot to learn,” she teased, letting go of him and sprinting toward the porch steps.

Ed frowned, completely miffed. “H-hey, what’s that supposed to mean! Win, come back here!”

It wouldn’t be the last time he tried to catch up with her, but at least now he was closer than ever.

[sartle-blog]

12 Must-Read Novels for Art History Lovers

Maybe you’ve been experiencing “The Agony and the Ecstasy” of trying to figure out what to read next! If so, we’ve got you covered. Go beyond “Girl with a Pearl Earring” and “The Goldfinch” with these incredible novels about art and art history.

Disclaimer:  Some of the links below are amazon affiliate links, meaning that at no additional cost to you, by clicking through and making a purchase of a book you like, you will also be contributing to the growth of Sartle.

1. "The Girl in Hyacinth Blue" by Susan Vreeland

If you loved “Girl with a Pearl Earring,” you’ll fall in love with this book, too. Starting with a troubled math teacher who is quite certain the work he hides in a cabinet at home is a genuine Vermeer, the novel traces the owners of the painting back in time in a series of vignettes that function as a living, breathing provenance. An exploration of the meaningful roles art can play in the lives of those who cherish it, this book is as thoughtful and gentle as the light that falls from the windows in a Vermeer painting.

2. "The Relic Master" by Christopher Buckley

A crime caper steeped in art and history, the story follows one Dismas, the official relic master to Frederick, Elector of Saxony, and Albrecht, the soon-to-be Cardinal of Mainz, in the year 1517, when Luther has shattered faith in the Church and relics themselves begin to be called into question. He and his friend, none other than the preening Albrecht Dürer, get swept up in a scheme to make a copy of the Shroud of Chambery. The novel, like what one imagines 16th century Germany to be like, is earthy, humorous, and occasionally quite brutal. But it’s witty and shameless (“To Hell with Purgatory!”) and a perfect Renaissance romp about the intersections of art, piety, and politics.

3. "The Parable of the Blind" by Gert Hoffmann

A strange and haunting tale that looks at the painting of the same name by Pieter Bruegel the Elder, the novel is told from the perspective of the blind “sitters” for the painting on the day that Bruegel painted them. As they journey across a landscape of unseen people and obstacles, they wonder where they are going, why they are being painted, and why anyone would want to look upon them permanently when people turn their heads away in real life. Riddled with black humor, the novel is a picture of suffering and existential woe à la “Waiting for Godot,” and will linger in your mind long after you read it.

4. "The Muse" by Jessie Burton

Don’t be deceived when the cover calls this book a “Simmering romance” because it’s far more than that; it’s a meditation on artistic integrity and ownership wrapped up in a story of relationships that reads like a thriller. The novel follows two storylines that intertwine masterfully. In one, a Caribbean émigré trying to make her way in 1960s London dreams of becoming a writer but gets a job at a prestigious art institute working for the mysterious Marjorie Quirk. In the other, an English girl living in rural Spain in the 1930s yearns to become an artist and falls under the spell of the countryside and painter-turned-revolutionary Isaac Robles. It’s a vivid tale of love and loss, ego and creativity, that is a marvelous follow-up to her first novel, “The Miniaturist” (which you should also definitely read if you haven’t already!).

5. "Modern Art" by Evelyn Toynton

Inspired by the lives of Lee Krasner and her husband Jackson Pollock, this novel follows Belle Prokoff, an aging artist from the New York School, who has outlived her much more famous husband and spent her last few decades guarding his albeit troubled legacy. As she faces her own mortality and hires a grad student (who is also in love with an artist) as a live-in helper, Prokoff is forced to confront ghosts from her past when a nosy biographer comes sniffing around for dirt on her husband. Adroit and piercing, the novel asks what do you do with yourself after you have poured all of your being into someone else? And what does sacrificing yourself in that way do to you? Toynton tackles themes of suffering and artistic integrity with elegance and wisdom.

6. "The Moon and Sixpence" by W. Somerset Maugham

This classic novel follows a turn of the twentieth century English artist named Charles Strickland who abruptly abandons his family and life as a stockbroker to devote himself entirely to painting. Completely impoverished but in desperate pursuit of beauty, he studies in France and eventually ends up in Tahiti, where his artistic genius flourishes even as he suffers from leprosy. If this sounds reminiscent of the life of Paul Gauguin to you, you would not be mistaken--Somerset Maugham was inspired by the very same, only his version of the artist is by turns both more and less brutal than the real man. The Moon and Sixpence is a prime example of a kunstlerroman, a novel about an artist’s growth, painting the artist-hero as a necessarily anti-social being whose creative side can only flower in isolation and rebellion against social norms. While it’s not a perfectly accurate image of Gauguin’s life, and while the narrator espouses some outdated views about women and people of color, the book raises questions about genius and legacy that are still relevant today.

7. "Sunflowers" by Sheramy Bundrick

If you liked “Loving Vincent” or are just fascinated by the work of Vincent Van Gogh, then this novel is for you. Told from the perspective of the prostitute named Rachel unto whom Vincent famously bestowed part of his mutilated ear, the novel gives life to Vincent’s happy but troubled years in Arles. Many of the people he lovingly painted are presented in the flesh, from his friends like Joseph Roulin to the perfectly nasty Gauguin, whom readers will find reason to hate even more than in the “The Moon and Sixpence.” At its heart the book is a love story, but it’s punctuated by moments of both joyous artistic creation and those of the darkest depths of mental illness.  His romantic self, a side of Vincent we don’t normally see, is explored with great sympathy. Written by an art historian, the novel is convincing and well-researched, and even includes a list of all the paintings referenced in the back.

8. "A Month in the Country" by J. L. Carr

In this slim, poetic volume, a young Englishman recovering from a broken marriage and shell shock after the Great War finds himself spending a summer in a Yorkshire village, where he has been hired to uncover a medieval mural in a church. By night he sleeps in the church’s belfry, and by day he befriends the locals, bonds with another veteran whose been hired to uncover a medieval grave, and falls in love with the Vicar’s wife, all while working steadily at uncovering a medieval judgment scene. Tiny revelations--in the begrimed mural at which he’s chipping away, in his own wounded heart, and in the hearts of those around him--make up the soul of this placid yet powerful book that is a hymn to the healing power of art.

9. "I Always Loved You" by Robin Oliveira

With such a title this book might easily be dismissed as a typical romance, but it is actually a rarer thing: a story about love between two people that may never have been returned by either party. Namely, it chronicles the fraught and querulous relationship between Mary Cassatt and Edgar Degas. Set in a glittering and rain-washed Belle Époque Paris, the novel follows Mary Cassatt as she struggles to establish herself in the art world until Degas takes her under his wing. Her successes and sorrows over the years unfold alongside the drama of Degas’ vision loss and the grief-stricken love affair between fellow impressionists Berthe Morisot and her brother-in-law, Edouard Manet. Aside from being a vivid look at the politics of the Impressionist circle within the Parisian art world, it is also an eloquent tale about the struggle of artistic creation in the face of constant doubt, harsh criticism, and heartache. You can learn more about the puzzling relationship between Cassatt and Degas here.

10. "Portrait of an Unknown Woman" by Vanora Bennett

This novel follows Meg Giggs, the twenty-three-year-old ward of Sir Thomas More, at the eve of the Reformation in England. The More family, which will soon be torn by political, religious, and courtly strife, is visited by Hans Holbein the Younger, who paints their portraits multiple times with an uncanny ability to capture the hidden truths of their hearts. While More’s humanistic ideals become warped by anti-heresy fanaticism even as Henry VIII grows disenchanted with the faith More fiercely protects, Meg finds herself increasingly drawn to the German artist who embodies a more earthy, compassionate form of Humanism. While Bennett occasionally plays fast and loose with history (like the identity of the sitter in Holbein’s portrait of the titular name, for one), overall the book is richly drawn and well-researched. Even better, her descriptions of Holbein’s painting process for such enigmatic works as The Ambassadors is highly compelling. The dangerous times in which he lived, as well as a taste for symbolism in the Tudor world, meant Holbein had to couch the truths he perceived in iconography both subtle and complex, and Bennett illustrates this well.

11. "The Secret Book of Frida Kahlo" by F. G. Haghenbeck

This colorful and spirited novel was inspired by a mysterious notebook found in Frida Kahlo’s house in Mexico City that was full of handwritten recipes the artist had collected over the years. A complex woman, Frida was quite the cook, and this novel explores the prominent place food had in her life, with recipes at the end of each chapter. Throughout the course of Frida’s tumultuous time on Earth, her marriages to Diego Rivera and her affairs with lovers from Georgia O’Keeffe to Leon Trotsky, she is haunted by a vision of death, whom she calls her Godmother, and whom she meets the day she almost dies in a trolley accident as a teenager. In Haghenbeck’s capable hands, Frida’s veneration of the Day of the Dead, her existential feminist fire, and the emotional intensity of her paintings come alive with surreal imagery and the imagined taste of Frida’s fabulous food on the tongue.

12. "I Am Venus: A Novel" by Barbara Mujica

Told from the perspective of the unknown model who posed for what is arguably Velázquez’s most beautiful work, The Rokeby Venus, this novel follows Diego Velázquez’s rise to prominence in the Spanish court. Court life under Philip IV is depicted as a splendid bubble of contradictions: lavish and luxurious yet plagued by bankruptcy, lascivious and self-indulgent, yet clinging to a sober sense morality. Of course, one of the things that tantalizes most in this book is the mysterious production of the Venus painting, painted when feminine nudity on canvas was a punishable offense. However, Mujica also takes special care to chronicle Velázquez’s efforts to elevate art as a gentlemanly endeavor in a country where painters were regarded as mere tradesmen. (Seriously, before him, being an artist in Spain was the WORST.) Furthermore, she gives a voice to the women who surrounded him in his family and social circle, painting a broad picture of Spain itself through their experiences and hardships. This novel is evocative and compelling, and a perfect read for lovers of the Baroque artist.

As Vincent van Gogh once said, "It is with the reading of books the same as with looking at pictures; one must, without doubt, without hesitations, with assurance, admire what is beautiful."  May you discover beauty and joy in all of your reading adventures!

By: Jeannette Baisch Sturman

[selysona-wra]

━━╋⊂ Ace of Swords - what is the most recent problem your character has had to solve?━━╋⊂ Two of Swords - has there ever been a time your character has ignored their emotions in favor of logic?

━━╋⊂ Ace of Swords - what is the most recent problem your character has had to solve?

The most recent problem Se’lysona has had to solve is a relatively easy one; how to tell Iloam how she felt about him after being gone for a strain of time. He’s fairly understanding and would never guilt her but she still felt the need to reassure him that he was important to her, a fixture in her life. He has always been one to accept everything about her, losing him would destroy her. So, she invited him over to the flat in Silvermoon and the pair just spent some genuine time together. It was very easy to resolve and crucial to their relationship.━━╋⊂ Two of Swords - has there ever been a time your character has ignored their emotions in favor of logic?

Oh, the dreaded DaxionxSe’ly situation. She had a very, very hard time with this one. (As did Dax’s mun and I, we’ve been writing these two for a while now!)She held a torch for Daxion for many years, even after a while apart. They slipped easily back into each others arms, though not without Se’ly having that chip on her shoulder about never being good enough. He was a Knight-Master and (to her) all she could lay claim to was being a glorified stripper. It was a very tumultuous and hard situation, leading to many tarot readings, long talks and otherwise heartbreaking sobs until finally she stepped away. Their relationship was beyond repair and when he finally was ready for more? She was burnt out on the relationship. She’d wanted so much more for a long time, asked a few times as well. So she swallowed her love for Daxion Sunvale and walked away. Not that she doesn’t wonder ‘What if’, from time to time.(( Thank you for the ask! Tagging @desolatedangel and @daxionsunvale for mentions! ))

[j-j-ehlby-writes]

Meet Me at the Chalet || day four.

Eventual pairing: Tom Hiddleston x OFC (Jenessee Borosi)

Word count: ~2.2k

Summary (I suck at these): Jenessee goes on a solo vacation after the release of her first novel. She got a little more than she bargained for when she gets snowed in with her biggest celebrity crush.

Warnings: So much freaking fluff, swearing but blink and you’ll miss it, depressing thoughts (THIS chapter), Tom being Tom

night one. || day one. || day two. || day three. || day four. || day five. ||

When I wake up a couple hours later, I expect to be alone. I thought Tom would have stayed until I fell asleep only to sneak out when he knew I wouldn’t wake up. But that was not the case. He was still in the exact same spot as when I fell asleep: leaned up against the headboard like he had been there all night. His eyes were closed but I could just faintly see dark circles underneath that were not there yesterday. Did he stay up all night? 

I notice that he also had his hand intertwined with mine, resting on his stomach. I can’t imagine I’ve been in the position I’m in for long thanks to me tossing and turning in my sleep so he must have just passed out. 

My heart swelled at the thought of him staying awake for hours, making sure I was okay, but it also hurt knowing he lost sleep because of me. That was the last thing I wanted for him. But then again, he didn’t have to stay awake. He didn’t have to stay in here, period. And he did, because he’s Tom and he’s an extraordinary person.

I sunk back against my pillow gazing up at the perfect human specimen that’s snoozing right next to me. How does one deserve someone as wonderful as him in one’s life if you’ve done nothing to warrant it? Because in my eyes, I have done nothing in my life to be worthy of him and his company. It was simply a happy accident that I wound up here on the day I did and then him getting snowed in here, forcing him to stay longer. Mother Nature threw a wrench in my plans of solitude and I can’t even be mad.

After ogling for longer than I should have, I eased my hand out of his and left the comfort of my bed. I stepped in the bathroom, flinching at the light as soon as I turned it on. I quickly remember that my eyes are usually sensitive to light after tear fests. I stared at my reflection. My eyes were still a tad puffy but no longer bloodshot. My face had also lost the puffiness from last night. My hair was a mess but that’s to be expected. I threw it back in a braid once I brushed it out of one. After brushing my teeth, I finally felt like a normal human being again. All thoughts of last night erased from memory. Another day to keep my feelings in only for it to build and build, creating so much tension that another breakdown is inevitable…

When I emerged from the bathroom, from this new angle, I realized just how incredibly uncomfortable he looks. His back and neck were lying in horrible angles, he’s bound to be sore if he sleeps like that for any longer. There’s no way I can just leave him like this. I tiptoed up to him and placed a soft kiss on his forehead scar. He softly jolted awake, taking in a huge deep breath. “Hey.” I whispered.

He looked at me through fuzzy eyes. “Are you alright?” He asked slightly panicking, sleep still heavy in his voice. I protested his move to get up.

“I’m okay. I just want you to get comfortable under the covers and go back to sleep. I’ll come to get you in a few hours.” I yanked the comforter from under him to get him to move. He obliged, lazily moving so I could pull the sheets over his lean body. He settled against the pillow, closing his eyes once again. Almost instantly, his breathing evened out again signaling he slipped into unconsciousness again. 

Taking my place on the couch in the living room, I stare out the floor to vaulted ceiling windows as the snow dust continues to fall as I absentmindedly eating my waffles I took out of the toaster. The sun illuminates the snow on the ground and makes the dust in the air sparkle.

After a few hours, I wrapped myself in one of the many blankets provided and returned to the kitchen. I started the coffee machine for Tom and filled it with water. I popped in a few slices of bread in the toaster after it finished more waffles and heat up the syrup he’ll more than likely want with the waffles. I take the butter out and any other condiment he might want with his breakfast. I pour a glass of orange juice as well and milk so he has a variety. I cut some fruit and fill a small bowl. All it would need is a single flower in a vase in the middle of the table and we’d be set. I had to improvise though, just using one of their centerpieces instead. As soon as I could smell the coffee brewing, I knew he would be down soon. So I took that as my cue to take out some bacon to fry to really give this breakfast the extra “oomph.”

As I tended to it, I heard soft footsteps walk into the kitchen and then felt a pair of arms wrap themselves around my waist and a kiss be placed on the back of my head. “Love, you didn’t have to make breakfast.” He murmured in my ear, sleep still evident in his voice.

I smile at how cute he is. “How else am I going to thank you for last night?”

“Darling, you don’t have to thank me for that.” He tightened his grip, pulling me even closer.

“But I do,” I countered. “You didn’t have to comfort me, let alone stay all night. I’m a stranger with deeply embedded issues that you definitely don’t have to deal with. I’ve suffered alone my whole life, what’s one more night?” I turn off the stove and bring the bacon to the table. “Sit.” I command, not wanting to talk about it anymore. “I’m sorry it’s not a gourmet breakfast. I am definitely not a chef so this is as good as it’s going to get.” He giggled as he took his seat. I poured his black coffee to finish everything off.

“This looks delightful, darling. Thank you very much.” He eyed me just standing here. “Care to join me?” He took my hand, pulling me to literally stand against him, keeping his arm around my waist as he ate with one hand.

Last night seems to have broken a barrier between us. He has been very touchy this morning, always having to touch me in some way. Yesterday, it was significantly less with only a small gesture here and there, but no more. From waking up with him holding my hand to this, this has been more than either of us has dared to try. It feels oddly natural like we’ve been doing this for years. He makes me feel like I can be myself without the fear of being judged, especially now that he’s seen me at my literal lowest.

For the rest of the day we were hardly ever more than five feet away from the other. We spent the day like we did our first: reading and writing on the couch. The only difference this time is he was right next to me. He even laid his head on my lap at one point. We didn’t talk much. Only asking when the other was hungry for lunch and dinner. It was a soothing day after a tumultuous night before.

What made it even better though? S’mores and hot chocolate.

Tom had the brilliant idea after we had dinner. He remembered there being an outdoor bonfire pit before all of the snow fell. He also spied some wood behind the welcome desk. I happily watched from inside as he set it up. Soon enough we had a fire. We toasted as many marshmallows as we could, pre-making the treats before heading back inside to dive in. We took a seat in front of the fireplace to warm back up with our large mugs of chocolate and marshmallow goodness.

“You’re pretty adept at fire-making.” I voice as I take a bite of my first s’more. The gooey marshmallow mixed with the now melting chocolate and the crumbly graham cracker perfectly creating a pleasant moan coming from my mouth, unable to stop myself.

“I’m a jack of all trades, really. I can learn to do anything. Just like I can pretty much do an impression of anybody with any accent. I always say I’m like a parrot.” He showed me a few of his really good ones, causing me to roll on the floor with laughter at just how good he is at them. “Ah, there it is.” He pointed after my laughing fit.

“There what is?” I asked wiping the tears from my eyes.

“Your smile. I’ve been missing it all day.” He scooted next to me, wrapping us both in a blanket by wrapping his arm around my shoulders. I leaned my head on his shoulder, watching the fire. The warmth washed over us as we sat there.

“You just bring it out of me, I guess.”

“Do you want to talk about last night?” He asked after we sat in silence. I knew this question would be coming eventually. He would respect me if I didn’t want to talk about it but was curious to know if I would open up to him.

I released a big sigh, “Not really.”

“Because I’ve been told that I am an excellent listener and an even better secret keeper.” He boasted. I chuckled at his modesty.

I sat up straight, keeping my gaze on the fire. I could feel his eyes burning a hole in the side of my face worse than the fire. “I appreciate the concern but I’m more of a suffer in silence type and then bury my feelings until the next time. No need for discussion.” I stood up looking for any excuse to walk away from this conversation.

“Why didn’t he try more?” I halted in my tracks. “Why didn’t he want to spend time with me?” My chest tightened at the repeat of the answerless questions I had asked hours ago. “If he didn’t want kids, why did he?”

“You were listening?” I asked in disbelief. Horror spread throughout my body at that thought. He heard my wails of insecurity as well as endured my tears. Somehow that makes it all worse. I turned back to see he had stood as well.

“I caught a few things when I was on my way to your room.” He quickly explained, putting some of my nerves at ease, but continued, “but there’s nothing to be ashamed of, love. Everyone has, for lack of a better term, ‘daddy issues.’ I know I do.”

This surprises me. Not much is known about his relationship with his dad. All we do know is they haven’t been close since his parents’ divorce. He’s never outwardly spoken about it before now. “You do?”

“Growing up I only ever lived with my mother and my two sisters. My father and I have never been close. I barely saw him after the divorce and even when I did, it was only briefly. As a child, I tried not to take it personally, but as I’ve gotten older, I’ve only realized that it wasn’t me at all. It was him.”

“I know it’s not my fault for why my dad is the way he is, but you’d think that having a child would change your perspective. You’d want to be the best parent you can be for your child. You’d want to be there for every scraped knee to every broken heart, for every sports game or music program- and not just because your child wants you there, but because you truly want to support whatever your child wants to do… It shouldn’t matter where the event takes place, the weather, or how traffic is as so many of his excuses were to not attend some of my important events.” He missed every parent-teacher conference after elementary school, didn’t come to numerous choir concerts throughout high school… all because the weather was predicted to be bad, or the traffic to get down to my school was too thick… “And he always made it feel like an inconvenience for him… Your child shouldn’t be an inconvenience. To him, I was.” I could feel the tears threatening to make their appearance again. I blinked them away, taking some deep breaths. “That’s all I have to say on the matter.”

Tom appeared in front of me, cradling my face in his hands. The sadness and hurt in his eyes was heartwarming and heartbreaking at the same time. “My darling, you are not an inconvenience. You deserve to always be treated as a top priority, no matter what.” He kissed my forehead. “I’m sorry if I’ve upset you by asking.”

I scoffed. “Don’t be sorry. You were bound to be curious about it. I’m sorry for being so emotional and complicated. I’m not usually.”

“You never have to apologize for how you feel, especially with me. Alright?”

I nodded reluctantly. If I were to have him in my life, there would be nothing to be upset about. That I know for sure. And even if these feelings did pop up again, I know he would be right there to comfort me, exactly like he was last night.

day five...

Permanent taglist: @elusive-beauty @drakesfiance @im-a-slut-for-an-accent @fantasy-is-my-reality @hiddlephile @naniky

[goolagola]

THE CASE FOR WORTHY HEROES: Yagiz Egemen Decrypted | #review

Originally posted on Fb on February 27, 2018.

Here it goes. Y’all asked for it. But consider yourselves WARNED. I put a new definition on LONG Fb posts 😆. I did break it into parts so you can save the rest of the reading for another day. And I STILL haven’t watched the rest of the eps yet! 😵

PART I — Story Is As Story Does 

It’s been told, that good writing essentially is not just about what is being SAID, but what is being SHOWN. That lazy writing only TELLS a story, instead of DISPLAYING it.

The key to Storytelling isn’t just in “telling" your story—it is in SHOWING it... ESPECIALLY in Filmmaking. It’s more than just the visual portrayal of a story’s characters coming alive in film, but the crucial demonstration of an Author's narrative to earn our faith in their story and its keystone characters.

For even in life, you trust a man’s actions, not just his words. At times, you can ONLY trust his actions, NOT at all his words despite how profound and persuasive they may be.

Words are POWERFUL. Remember that old nursery rhyme "Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never break me”? Yeah. That’s not really true, is it? Don’t get me wrong, I understand why the rhyme was composed—to advise kids to ignore the vicious words that bullies may attack us with. But it’s undeniable, though try as we may to insist otherwise, that words could, and HAVE affected us, even so systemically profound to the very deep of our souls, with either LIFE... or with DESTRUCTION. We understand the ugly end of the spectrum, what that looks like—we have more suicides and shootings now in the U.S. at our high schools, and though many have been for different reasons, but just as many can be ascribed to lonely and unstable kids who've been bullied with ugly beatings both physical AND verbal. And so they returned fire with much more cruelty. And the price was much more deadly.

I believe writers and filmmakers overall have been given a significant gift to saturate culture either with life or destruction through their craft. With LOVE, or with its dark ABSENCE. What’s more, with what is actually TRUE about LOVE, instead of what is erroneous and false. You and I know, down to our deepest instincts, what we need more in this world.

Now ask yourself, what is it about the story of Yagiz Egemen that compels you so? Why does this character and his resiliency resonate with us in no less than remarkable measure? Even more than Hazan at times for many different occasions, if I may say, though Hazan Camkiran is a compelling character herself. But why are we so enthused to root for Yagiz in this tumultuous, and at times questionable—even ludicrous—dramatical narrative? And for his fascinatingly indefinable relationship with Hazan?—

Why are we still watching?

For the most part, we are able to give a comprehensive reasoning WHY something affects us so. But just like how INTUITION has been showcased in the Writers’ story as I had said last review, many of you have been INTUITIVELY assessing THEIR story, hence in how you have expressed it to each other about a certain scene or just overall plotline—“'I don’t know what it is…' 'I just can’t put it into words…' 'I can’t really describe it…' 'Hazan and Sinan together just doesn’t feel right…’ ‘You’ve put into words what I’ve been feeling about Yagiz and Hazan all along...'” And so on.

Though many have been able to translate into words, yet just as many of you, if not all, have basically responded with how you’ve FELT about the story. You've INTUITIVELY evaluated that there’s just something quite special about Yagiz Egemen... ESPECIALLY Yagiz together with Hazan.

It is in the synergy of how and what the Writers, Directors, and Cast have SHOWN—not just said and spoken—about Yagiz’ story alone, and Yagiz and Hazan’s together.

But what exactly have they SHOWN?

If you don’t mind another lengthy summation, well, let’s get crackin’, shall we? 😁

PART II — EPISODE 14: A New Beginning? 

I’ve spent the past two reviews on the singular bond that Yagiz and Hazan share together and how it had developed through intuition for truth and series of instinctual behaviors. The thing is, it wasn’t so much of what they've SAID to each other, for we know that even after discovering it was Sinan who had been the perpetrator of the lies, Hazan still directed some pretty colorful choice of words at Yagiz about her keen mistrust of him. But funny thing is, what is being SHOWN with their actions concerning each other, contradict what they’ve said to, and or about each other. And ladies and gents (there ARE gents, right? We’re not all just crazy cupcakes here? 😆), like I’ve prefaced above, that’s what you can actually TRUST in these unpredictable happenings; As the old adage goes, actions DO speak louder than words. And what we can learn from E14... Pfft.. 🤣🤘😏

I definitely got the message, LOUD and CLEAR.

E14’s pivotal opening scene picked up from the ending of its preceding episode—Hazan FINALLY discovered who had betrayed her. It wasn't who she had thought it was. Her beloved... was NOT who she had thought he was. So what kind of man was Sinan Egemen? But then—

Just what kind of man—WHO WAS this Yagiz Egemen?

Well, missy, as we have covered last review, but let me expound a bit further on it: he’s quite the guy who’s been instinctually PROTECTIVE of you—so strung up was he to the point that he couldn’t even open a stinkin' car door properly when he was trying to get ya in his car, away from the fresh reminder and place of that crazy stunt ya pulled trying to put yourself in front of an insolent fool and his deadly gun. He also was the guy who had defended YOUR sister at the expense of HIS OWN sister’s good faith and adoration for him. The one who had sent the company lawyer to get ya outta jail, jeopardizing his good standing with his dad whom he had always and diligently aimed to please. Oh, he also sought to protect YOUR HEART from being broken from finding out how your mom had bargained you (AND your sister too, btw, by insinuating that HE had stolen Ece’s virtue and so he must pay)—all at the cost of HIS OWN PERSON by letting you to continue thinking that HE was a vile and disgusting son of a gun, even after finding out that it was his brother instead… All because he didn’t want you to end up on the streets and become fresh pickings for some unsavory characters, without the sustenance and protection that his family’s home could offer. Cause if you’d ever found out his brother's ugly betrayal towards you, he KNEW without a doubt that you would shun such security. And btw, he also had to return back to the company that he had resigned from, which he left under some very serious and still unresolved issues, in order to keep up the scheme that he’d thought would save you, but also work to provide a steady income that could give you the comforts and security you need should you try to leave the Egemen mansion in the future.

ALL without you even knowing just WHO has been truly looking out for you all along... And I have only covered his protective behavior up to E13 so far. Then again, I don’t think Yagiz would even recognize himself at this point. This certainly didn’t fit his M.O.—

Only a man in LOVE would display these types of actions and he certainly was NOT a man who LOVES a woman.

Right..?

ShuuUURE. 😏

Bro.

YOU’RE A GONER. A TOTAL GONER, I TELL YA! Michael Bolton is STILL pipin'—WHEN A MAAAAAAAAAAANNNN LOVES A WOOOMAN!—with his epic L’OREAL hair, and we’re ALLL singin' along. 💃🕺😂

(Disclaimer: I am not an official hairstylist for Michael Bolton nor have I been paid to endorse any L’OREAL hair products and represent its brand. Any attempt to recreate Mr. Bolton’s hairstyle or test his hair products, please do so at your own discretion) 😝

And I haven’t even BEGUN to really touch on E14 yet!

Shall we, then? 😃

PART III — EPISODE 14: An Unexpected Discovery? 

In a sense, E14 IS a new beginning—Hazan discovered the TRUTH.

She and Yagiz were put on a path of discovery and it led them to each other with the corrupting lies finally removed. And so begun a new chapter, and its beginning is already filled with breathtaking development. I know some of y’all’s lungs seized to function properly at the sight of an unconscious Hazan at the strong arms of Yagiz Egemen, as the stunning view of the sparkling sea splayed behind them. That beautiful sight of that vast sea that may harbor unknown wonders isn’t the only one beautiful to behold. Nor the sea the only one with some hidden wonders.

WHEN A MAAAAAAAAAAANNN LOVES A WOOAAHH—

Okay, Bolton. We get it. LOVE is pretty darn beautiful. And oh-so wonderful to behold... JUST like this episode. 🤣

I mean, so ya witnessed the girl just passed out right in front of ya onto that hard pavement, and the perceptive and levelheaded Yagiz Egemen who was notorious for his striking intelligence and ruthlessly logical but successful solutions, would probably react just like any normal person who’d attempt to bring anybody to health, but do so JUST a tad more brilliantly.

He kidnapped the girl.

Pfft 😂

The man’s instincts were kicked up to HIGH GEAR. He didn’t trust ANYONE to take care of Hazan and keep her safe, at that point, but himself. Not even professional doctors, for the hospital was NOT his initial solution, only later on. He took her to his home. And check this—he didn’t put her in the other two bedrooms that his apartment accommodated.

He carried her to his room.

His bed.

HIS.

🙈🙈🙈

If Yagiz Egemen was a LION, what we’ve just witnessed is a magnificent beast MARKING his territory. With his scent that was all over those bed sheets and his keen, vigilant gaze, all imprinting on Hazan. And sure, this was still not a man in love, right. 😏

Then Hazan woke up. And for someone who DESPISED Yagiz Egemen, it took her some time to actually start yelling at him and take offense for taking her to his home and laying her on his bed. Her initial thought wasn’t even to have lit outta there if she couldn’t so much stand his presence... 

But to ask for her phone 🤣—

Which in the midst of the shock and pain her discovery yielded, she had left at the studio, but somehow discovered that Yagiz had kept it after she came to, which tells me, the two even had a prior interaction, all in Yagiz room, before her anger actually emerged. 

So Hazan was angrily anxious to get out. And Yagiz became increasingly anxious about her being anxious, her trembling, her ability to process things properly, and safely, aaand the darn stairs she was heading to!

Then Sinan showed up—

And Hazan would rather face the man who she had just taken offense for holding her in his arms than face his younger brother.

Last review, I said that it’s never a good idea to lie to cover a lie (heck, it’s never a good idea to lie at all), even if that lie was to save somebody—which was simply oxymoronic. I also said I understood why Yagiz did what he did with that fib—it was a quick solution he could come up with in that moment. And so, as Hazan turned back to face Yagiz in his hallway after shouting at his brother to leave, we now could see that Yagiz’ quickie “solution” was actually backfiring on him. Though Hazan finally discovered Sinan’s full treachery, she had a hard time believing that Yagiz’ scheme of making her the face of his cosmetic company was no cruel trap but Yagiz’ attempt—misguided and ill advised, though it was—in trying to save her. So Yagiz pled for her to trust him, he wasn’t trying to hurt her nor was this some cruel game he was playing, as Hazan accused him for humiliating her and for being just as disgusting as his vile lying brother—until that same lying brother breached the front door.

And Hazan instinctively RAN to take refuge in the very room of the very man she had said she did not trust. 😂

And Yagiz’ swift instincts was to prevent his brother from getting to her with that awesome block action. 🤣

I told ya 😎. The man was marking his TERRITORY. 🤘

So sitting on top of those stairs he had moments ago feared, Yagiz continued to wait patiently, and calmly, as his foolish younger brother wax philosophical to get his girlfriend back… Till he started beating on Yagiz’ bedroom door to breach it—the girlfriend he had betrayed refused to buy his monologue. A clashing of shoving brothers ensued. Then Sinan had the audacity to holler at Yagiz “not to interfere” and Yagiz harshly barked back to remind the senseless twit that it was him who had pushed his unsuspecting older brother straight deep into the muck. And with Yagiz' sharp words, this is where a key fact is revealed:

Yagiz takes ownership of this whole thing. He acknowledges that he is now deep in the thick of it. By his “interfering”, shows that he was no longer trying to bail off the path that he had not chosen for himself (of which attempts to do so, I had expounded on last review), one that was costing too much of him. Yet finally discovering the truth for himself, he feels responsible for his part (even for his brother’s actions, if I may say—he IS the same man who had apologized to Ece for his sister’s action on her behalf), and therefore responsible to care for the girl that they’ve wronged, who was now choosing to take refuge in his room. Yagiz knew it wasn’t going to be easy for Sinan to win her trust, let alone her affection. So he advised his brother to give her some space. Give himself time. And “Give her time."

Ha. With those words, Sinan was DOOMED. Ya leave those two alone, and your big brother will STEAL her heart. 😏

And so the adventure continued. Sinan left. And Hazan was back on that darn bed 🤣, but this time at her very own discretion. Then something metaphorically intriguing happened... (those Writers are good! 😆)

What Sinan failed to do with trying to force himself in, Yagiz succeeded to accomplish with a different way...

He opened the door with a KEY.

Here's the thing.

Hearts aren’t meant to be invaded. They are meant to be unlocked. With that seemingly trivial action, they are showing who actually possessed the keys to Hazan’s heart.

But that’s for later 😉.

So then I guess we can’t really call Yagiz a thief of hearts..? But he is a kidnapper with a really good lawyer 😂. Hazan dear, if you’ve actually chosen to take sanctuary in his home—his bedroom, in fact 🙈—there was no way he was going to let ya go without a fight. Like, LITERALLY—y’all saw those glass shards everywhere, right. Remember what he’d said to her earlier concerning Sinan? That “If he found the strength to go after you, he wasn't going to leave easily"? Yeah—that line was a twofold literary device meant to actually describe Yagiz, not his brother. In fact, “wasn’t going to leave easily” is an understatement—abduction is a straight up crime 🤣. But I guess Yagiz’ defense argument would hold up in court. He DID say that that day, his home was HERS 😆, and if it was actually Hazan’s house, then it wouldn’t be called kidnapping, right? 🤣Oh, shucks. I was really excited to add Professional Kidnapper to his titles. But at least we can still call him Huggable, for drunk and brokenhearted girls—with the penchant for passing out on sidewalks in pretty dresses and bare feet—in need of compassionate consolation. And, err, Hazan, for a kickboxing coach with an athletic degree, you do have a history of zonking out (not sure if it looks good on that resume, gurl)—By day you pass out on random sidewalks and by night on Yagiz’ arms. 😆 But at least it wasn’t as cold and hard as that dirty pavement—ugh, who knows who last spit on it—so good choice this time. And I guess falling asleep on the arms of Yagiz Egemen does spice up your resume and one does require a healthy balance of spice, sugar, and salt in one's life. 😂

Well, what else was Yagiz Egemen besides being huggable... Whelps, he was a definite sucker for tears for sure. It’s what made him huggable in the first place. And perhaps it’s what had turned him into Hazan’s personal face-washing assistant, too 😂. But he definitely turned to be her partner in crime. She did say she wanted Sinan to feel just as hurt, and so Yagiz made it official—and with her signature, he too became her boss who lets her sleep on his bed at night and makes her breakfast in the morning...

Bruh. Bosses don’t do that... HUSBANDS do that. They worry about protecting their wives and keeping them fed. And make sure their wives sleep on their bed.

Wonder then what your instincts were really trying to tell ya. 😁

PART IV — The Villainous and The Heroic

Every story boils down to one thing—

CONFLICT and RESOLVE (a.k.a Resolution).

PROBLEM and SOLUTION.

Hence you have a Villain as an agent of Conflict, and a Hero with a Solution to resolve it.

There are many, many stories out there, with their even more many, many, many Heroes. Many of them are worthy. Many are not.

I believe Yagiz Egemen is a worthy one. And I hope I’ve SHOWN, not just TOLD (get it? 😝), why he is, with what you’ve read above and even in prior reviews. But perhaps, to really appreciate even further how worthy of a Hero he is, is to see the contrast with one who had really been more villainous than he is heroic in this story… Sinan Egemen.

If you’s a Sinan stan, do accept my apologies for there will be some roasting happening in the next few minutes. He had it coming. Dude needs to be called out.

Since we were on E14, let’s pick up on what was happening at the end of the next episode. True to Yagiz’ anticipation, Hazan did leave the Egemen mansion after finding out her beloved had betrayed her and had then found shelter at Kerime’s place. But Sinan showed up late one night, unannounced, and certainly unwelcome, trying to get her back. Then Yagiz showed up.

“What are you doing here?” Sinan asked, confounded. To which Yagiz replied, “I will not explain to you.” 😎🤘😏 I told ya, the man had also marked his territory. And he does not have to answer to Sinan for it. Still, Sinan challenged with, “You came to talk to Hazan at this time at night?”

Oh, please. This kid tryna front. Get outta here.

This little immature snot just don’t get it. Kid tryna be all territorial but what a bloated blimp full of gas you are at the end. Literally, a minute later (yes, I know, it’s the next episode for us but ya get my point), where did all that protective manhood go when Kerime showed up? Let me explain.

I’ve observed in the Eastern world, and me being of mixed blood myself, how honor and respect is a serious thing—VERY serious thing, in fact. I won't really get all into it, but the bottom line is, if you live in your father’s house, he looks after you. You answer to him. Before it’s your house, it’s first HIS. You respect his authority and his duty to look out for you. Now Hazan was staying at Kerime’s house. In the beginning of E16 when all four of them, that is, Yagiz, Hazan, Kerime, and Sinan, were outside, just look at their body language, and by “their”, I mean Hazan and Kerime. Hazan was standing behind Kerime waiting respectfully. This was Kerime’s house, and technically, Hazan was then under her care, though at that point in time Kerime didn’t know who Hazan was and that Fazilet was scheming again. The point is, Yagiz, Hazan, and Sinan were under Fazilet’s conniving that Kerime was Hazan's kin, and the one sheltering her by allowing her to stay at her house.

So, this little weasel dared to front at his big brother, “questioning" the wisdom of his nightly visit (yeah, and there he was, this foolish mess of hypocrisy and arrogance, INVADING on Hazan's space when she clearly had told him to get the snuff out)—but who in the world was actually answering to the person who was sheltering Hazan, wishing her to get well, trying to be respectful, and in doing so might perhaps excuse their late night excursion to see her young kin… Well, FOR SURE it wasn’t Sinan. It was his “questionable" brother instead that he was trying to drill. The nerve. So please excuse my harshness for calling you a little immature snot at this point in time but you clearly need a whoopin’. Grow up, man. Please. Don’t try to front if ya can’t own up. You trying to defend Hazan’s honor really rings empty and hollow when you left it to your brother to really be the one responsible for BOTH of your presence there. If you really felt responsible for Hazan, if would’ve been YOU facing Kerime. The reason your brother was there in the first place was because he was busy trying to take care of everyone else; His—and btw, is YOURS, too, if you recall—sister in particular, who had been in his home earlier and at the very brink of losing it (sorry bruh, she did lose it actually, strangling Ece, all drunk and crazed, but you just didn’t know that that was going on YET) because his hero father had married a teenager who was younger than his own teenage daughter... But there you were trying to score some lip action. *SMH*. You’ve been so caught up in your own selfishness and pain, you didn’t even realize THE REST of your family were suffering too. But it was Yagiz here trying to make sure all y’all’s blasted tails were alright (which includes you too, Gokhan, but you flippin' ignored his call, so you can't really accuse him for not reaching out like you will when y'all finally get your siblings night later on). Yagiz went to Hazan to tell her to try to reel her sister in because Ece’s taunting Selin was creating more pain and anger instead. He certainly wasn't there to seduce her, like Sinan had been doing.

Now here’s the thing about LOVE; before it receives anything, it seeks to GIVE instead, because LOVE does not seek its own. In other words, it is NOT self-seeking. It’s time to really just call it for what it is—Even in this early stage of whatever was happening between Hazan and Sinan, at the end of the day, can you really call that LOVE? The heart of the matter is, Sinan wanted to get back with Hazan because of the comfort that she can offer him in this heartbreaking, confusing, and distressful time (did he not say that himself, though with a different preface?). Because if he really was looking out for Hazan’s best interests, he would’ve listened to what his brother had said back at Yagiz' home when Hazan was hiding in his room—Give her some time.

“Did you really expect that it was going to be that easy? Yok ya!” Yagiz had wisely but, vehemently, said to Sinan. In other words, prove, and show her, that you can be a trustworthy man. Then WIN her heart again. But instead, there he was trying to emotionally FORCE himself upon her. The girl had told you to get out but still you invaded on her space, trying to seduce her. Oh man. This is a huge RED FLAG. There's a word for someone who forces intimacy upon an unwilling participant. Any sane Dad woulda whooped the salt out of this guy. That is somebody’s priceless daughter right there!

Sinan can SAY that he loves Hazan but at the end of the day, he was still seeking after his own first, instead of putting her needs before him. How long did that “I will save Hazan from myself” from E14 really last? What? Two days? Three days tops? Pfft. Even your way of trying to free her from you was breaking her heart by way of expensive booze and cheap women, instead of just go man up like your brother’s been asking you to. And it was Yagiz having to clean up after your hammered and sorry tail. Again.

One must stand as a man and be accountable for who he is and his actions before he’d even thought to be responsible for another human being, especially a woman he desires to win. If not, 

How could he be called worthy of her?

PART V — A Story’s Crown of Glory 

Of a grand and worthy Story, what then would be its CROWN of GLORY?...

LOVE.

I believe that the glory of ANY story is when it tells and shows the timeless story of LOVE... even if a story is a superhero ACTION flick.

Yet, even for a Superhero—super powers or not—whether he knows what he’s doing trying to rescue his beloved girl and humanity or not; he’s still a Superhero worth his salt. Why? Because, again, LOVE, is his motivation. A Superhero out to save his own skin is one you can't really respect. Can you actually even call him a HERO? Just look at any war movies out there. It’s the same repeated theme that resonates with our hearts over and over again—

A Hero who rescues and lays down his life for others.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, is what we identify LOVE to be.

In by no means is Fazilet Hanim ve Kizlar a perfect story. In fact, it is seriously flawed. I’ve said it above that it is at times ludicrous. You literally have THE MAIN leading character in which the show is partly named after, and from the get go she was no inspiring Hero but destructive Villain instead. A broken mother who breaks her children, because broken people break people. And so far, though we had witnessed some redeeming qualities in Fazilet Camikran, she had remained steadily villainous, and again, ludicrous. Sirma and her writing team’s got to work some serious muscle to redeem their main leading character if they'd any aspirations to finish strong, which I’m sure they do.

Caglar had mentioned that FHVK is a story about the complexities of the human soul. Within the soul of mankind, there are shades of dark so black that all have been both the victim and perpetrator of an unrighteous deed and deeds at various points of our life. BUT... Mankind is also capable of great compassion. Great sacrifice. And of the always much-needed GRACE.

You and I know, down to our deepest instincts, what we need more in this world.

There’s a reason why Caglar’s character have risen to prominence more than all the characters written in FVHK. Yagiz Egemen is NO perfect hero. But he IS a Hero who had displayed closer to its TRUE essence what this world really needs most—

LOVE.

And perhaps that is why we are all still watching.

With this, I bid you adieu.

Cheers 😁

[howtoattractwm]

Relationships can be a tumultuous thing; they bring excitement, love, frustration, and loss. That’s the worst part about them through the loss and even worse still the feeling of not knowing what you have until it’s gone.

However, there is a question that has been plaguing our minds here at the bestie office can the heart grow fonder if you feel like the partner slipping through your grasp put simply, does the risk of losing your partner increase romantic attraction?

As well as the first question we should answer before we move on to our focus of the article, how would you lose someone in the first place? How can your relationship go from being this pinnacle of love and desire to a desolate wasteland of broken emotions?

Well, there are a lot of different reasons from differing views to a new lover, but one of the biggest reasons is neglect, neglect is a relationship killer in the hustle and bustle of the world today we often prioritize ourselves which might make our partner feel alone or pushed away do this often enough and eventually they will go away.

Relationship expert Wendy L Patrick Ph.D. puts it like this, taking a partner for granted and change the way we interact, to impact the amount of effort invested in relational maintenance behaviors, or lessen the desire to cherish time spent together but how can people not see this coming?

How do they not notice their partner acting distant and trying to pull away well, wendy has an answer for that as well, perhaps because research suggests that when the perceived risk of a breakup is low, romantic feelings may be lower as well.

Keep in mind that you might also not be feeling romantic towards someone because you think the relationship is pointless, or that it won’t last very long, don’t shock everything up to neglect, however, we’re here to talk about neglect.

So let’s keep going while when the risk of breakup is low the feelings of romance might be low as well, some scientists have found that the complete opposite is true as well, that is to say, when the chance of breakup is high the romantic feelings go through the roof as well – such scientists named Simona skyara, and Giuseppe Pantaleo, demonstrated that manipulating the risk of ending a romantic relationship impacted both the intensity of the romantic effect.

As well as the commitment they explained the results within the context of emotional intensity theory, EIT noting how romantic feelings varied as the risk of relationship breakup was manipulated, their data also showed the result of manipulated risk on romantic commitment were mediated by a romantic effect.

Essentially proving the answer to does the risk of losing a partner increase romantic attraction is yes, so what do you do if you find yourself in a situation where you think your partner might want to leave you? But you have an intense, sudden desire to reclaim the relationship first off have you considered the fact that maybe you shouldn’t, maybe the fact that you only love them when they want to leave is an actually bad sign, you want your relationship to be strong at all times not just when things are bad.

However, if you still insist on trying to get your partner back, don’t worry we’re here to help, you are a couple of quick tips to get the love back into your relationship

Number 1 do some courting

By this, we mean you need to pretend like this is the first time you’ve seen them and ask them out like it’s the first time, remember that excitement and passion you felt at the beginning of your relationship if you’re truly serious about finding that loving feeling again.

You need to recapture that sense of wonder ask your partner out on a date and don’t act mundane about it make them feel special again, do something that they would love make sure to dress up to that’ll make them feel like you’re putting effort into them which of course you are

Number 2 touch

One of the most important senses in a relationship is touch, and the greater good magazine wrote an article stating that the intimacy built by physical touch, is incredibly important to any pairing of people and, it doesn’t always have to be dirty touching either even though in its own respects that is sometimes pretty important.

No, your bodies should always just find each other even in seemingly insignificant ways hugs, massages, holding hands, these are all very important to regaining love in a fractured partnership, here are a couple of quick, specific suggestions we got from a greater good magazine, kiss goodbye when one of you leaves the house and kiss hello upon return.

Groom one another offer to brush his hair or put his lotion or sunblock on, asking for them to help you with your zipper, we offer to tie their tie, make eye contact when you talk it is a powerful form of sensory connection but, the possibilities are endless remember though while touch is good your partner might not always want to be touched that’s where the second most important sense in  relationships comes into play speaking of which

Number 3 listen

You better hope you’ve got good listening ears because if you want to inject some love back into your the relationship, you’re going to have to do just that and don’t just sit there staring either contribute to the conversation, follow their passions and remember what they told you about them and be careful what you say during these conversations too

you might be a howtoattractwm reader which means you’re a brilliant, beautiful Titan of a person, however, right now your partner doesn’t see your greatness as we do they might not always want your input especially if they’re feeling down, a study done by the University of Colorado Boulder recommends this.

When your partner complains listen rather than give advice, offer sympathy, you can give advice if it’s asked for or suggests a new perspective if they are thinking themselves into a rut.

But you might do the best just by attentively listening so sit down shut up and just hear what they have to say either your partner will hopefully appreciate your new attentive self or be you’ll discover that your partner and yourself don’t have much in common in which case now you can move on.

Number 4 grow together

human relationships are supposed to be mutually beneficial. That’s how over time, we’ve built towering cities and bustling communities. By having everyone offer something and then bringing it all together, you need to do this in your relationship as well, yes, and you might be growing on your own.

But you shouldn’t leave your partner in the dust while you do it take them along with you even if for a while you need to take the load to know that if you do it the other way around, they will take the load for you as well there are so many ways couples can grow together.

They can take a class to explore, take a trip somewhere the possibilities really are endless, one of the most important aspects of any partnership is to laugh together, so find something that makes you both have fun and just have a merry time, if we could give you any specific advice for this section it’s just do something.

Something new, something exciting, gets out into the world and lives your life with the person of your dreams for goodness sake wait hold on finish the article first got one more section that’s really important.

Read:  His Secret Obsession Review – Free James Bauer’s PDF Download 

Number 5 apologize

Remember that your partner is hurt right now you’ve neglected them to the point where you have to inject the love back into the relationship. You need to apologize, look we know it can be hard, especially if you’ve convinced yourself that you haven’t done anything wrong.

However, sometimes people just need to hear the words “I’m sorry,” but how do you do this? You ask well Mayo Clinic, has a guide to apologizing in relationships if you two are ever going to rebuild trust the person in the wrong needs to apologize.

If you betrayed them say you’re sorry to state what you did wrong and how you think it affected them to say why it was wrong and promise you’ll never do it again, you’re going to end with one final quote from our old friend Wendy L Patrick.

She says that nurturing a relationship at all times under all circumstances, even when things are well, can contribute to relational health at all stay ages of romantic involvement, which in turn can increase romantic feelings and relational commitment.

In many cases, such intentional investment can help avoid relational turbulence and ensure smooth sailing, so keep investing in your partner unless, of course, you don’t want to just don’t keep switching back and forth for their sake and for yours.

And so how articles answering the question? Does the risk of losing a partner increase romantic attraction? Is finished what did you learn in our article is there any part of your relationship that you need to re-evaluate now.

Have you experienced this in the past, or is your relationship perfect, and this article was nothing but a reminder that you and your partner are stronger than ever.

Let us know in the comments section below all about your experience with relationships.

The post Increase Romantic Attraction By Risk Of Losing A Partner appeared first on How To Attract Women.

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GGS Spotlight: Laura Franklin

Name: Laura Franklin Age: 30 Location: Davidson, NC

What does being a Girl Gone Strong mean to you? It’s about finding and embracing your power in whatever form it comes. It is about owning your space and being comfortable in your skin. It’s having the courage to take on new challenges and get outside of your own box. It is nothing more and nothing less than fully embracing yourself and your potential.

How long have you been strength training, and how did you get started? I’ve always enjoyed the notion of being “strong”. I worked with a catering company from the time I was 14 until well into my mid-20s and I loved being able to pick up the heavy stuff without assistance. We had some basic exercise and strength training equipment at my house growing up, I occasionally frequented a gym in high school and college, I did lots of at-home workout programs. But I didn’t find my groove with strength training until after my daughter was born. I found myself in a CrossFit style gym in early 2015 and signed up for their intro course. Why not, right? Had to get that pre-baby bod back after all… (I was serious about this then, I’m sarcastic about it now.)

I loved it, but what I loved most were the strength components — not so much the mayhem of the day’s WOD and sprinting all over the place. It was fun, but only fun in a group. However, me and the barbell? Yes, please!

What does your typical workout look like? Whatever my SYC coach, Jen Comas, has programmed for me that day! Ha!

I like some variety and, like everyone, I have my favorite exercises. It usually goes something like this:

Brief warm up (really brief if I’m in a hurry)

A few sets of a bigger lift or two (deadlift, squats, bench press)

Lighter or bodyweight sets with more variety (push ups, pull ups, core work)

Cooldown (yoga and stretching)

The days vary too, so one day would be more upper body focused, then lower body, and then total. SYC programming covers it all!

Favorite lift: Oooh, that’s a close tie between deadlift and bench press! I feel like a badass deadlifting and once I started pulling numbers over 200, my personal badassery increased even more. When I started lifting in 2015, my three-rep max was only 160 pounds so hooray for improvements!

The bench press and I have a more tumultuous relationship. I love the way that lift feels, but it’s one of my weakest ones, so every time the weight increases just a little bit I do a happy dance. Breaking three digits was an awesome accomplishment and yet there are still days I can’t quite do it.

Most memorable PR: Breaking 200 pounds on my deadlift. It had been a goal for me since my first deadlift. I just wanted to crack 200 pounds and I pulled over 215! Utter badassery.

Do you prefer to train alone or with others? Why? Alone. Having a spotter from time to time would be nice but generally I just want to turn up the music and go. I don’t get much time to myself each day but my gym time is mine.

Must haves when working out?

Hair bands, clips, some way of getting all this hair off of my back and out of my face.

Music — my Pandora “gym” station is a finely tuned combination of hip hop, pop, and punk.

Water — hydrate, hydrate, hydrate.

I also have to modify a fair amount in the gym so my trusty braces, bands, etc. to get the job done.

Most memorable compliment you’ve received lately: I’ve gotten a lot of compliments on my hair lately. I’ve been dabbling with adding blues and purples to my usually dirty blonde mane. I can’t say that any have been particularly memorable. The most memorable compliment I have ever received though was back in college. I was working in a restaurant and had someone tell me that I looked like Lindsay Lohan but a “not cracked out version”. I’m actually still not convinced this was a compliment…

Most recent compliment you gave someone else: I had lunch with a colleague today who had recently added me on Facebook. Her profile picture is this amazing shot of her doing the tree pose on an actual mountain cliff. She looked so peaceful and strong. Just gorgeous.

Favorite meal: Sushi. Give me all the sushi. I also have a favorite Japanese hibachi steakhouse that I frequent once a year for my birthday with the yummiest noodles. Top that off with some fudgy brownies or other chocolate deliciousness and I’m a happy woman.

Favorite way to treat yourself: A massage. Taking myself to a movie. Some quality relaxation time with just me. And in the immortal words of Donna Meagle and Tom Haverford — treat yo’ self!

Favorite quote: No woman can call herself free who does not own and control her own body. — Margaret Sanger

Do or do not. There is no try. — Yoda

Happiness can be found, even in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light. — Albus Dumbledore

Favorite book: I am a big nerd. Big. I wrote my Master’s Thesis on the Harry Potter series so I’ll easily dub that my all time favorite book series.

What inspires and motivates you? My daughter. She is an almost-3-year-old ball of energy, excitement, wonder, bluntness, curiosity, beauty, intelligence, humor, and goofiness. She has taught me to be better at going with the flow, to marvel in the face of beauty, and to just go for it if you see something you want.

I love my daughter and my husband, my little family, more than anything in the world. It is so important to me that I do what I can to be the best version of myself so that we are the best version of us.

What do you do? Oh boy. A lot. And it’s changed so much very recently! I was recently given the opportunity to take my part-time position as the Girls Gone Strong Content Manager and turn it into a full-time role as the Content Project Manager! So thrilled to be making my home with GGS. I am an adjunct lecturer in the women’s and gender studies program at my University as well as the faculty supervisor for the program’s honor society. I sit on a couple boards — one as an advisor, the other as the Director of Communications and Marketing. I am also a public speaker and discuss gender, feminism, media, and reproductive justice. You could say that I stay busy!

Describe a typical day in your life: We’ll assume I got a good night’s sleep so that would mean up at 5 AM to hit the gym (sometimes this happens after work if the sleep was in short supply). Workout, shower, and get ready for work all happen before it’s time to get the kiddo ready for daycare. We’re headed out by 7:15 AM and then do the work/daycare thing until 5 PM. Once we’re home it’s the nightly cook dinner, hang out with the family, kid in bed, sit (or fall asleep) on the couch and then repeat!

Your next training goal: I have a couple: 2 unassisted, clean pull-ups and 30 push-ups without a set break. Halfway there on both!

For what are you most grateful? So much! My husband — we’ve been together for 14 years this year and I don’t know what I’d do without him; he’s the peanut butter to my jelly. We’re so different in some ways which drives us crazy and so alike in so many others. My daughter, my little monster. My mother and sister for their unwavering love and support throughout my whole life. Most of my family for that matter by blood and marriage! My therapist and the fact that I sought therapy during one of the most difficult times in my life — something I highly recommend to all.

Which three words best describe you? Strong. Stubborn. Beautiful.

What’s a risk you’ve taken recently, overcoming fear or self-doubt, and how did it turn out? I had a minor surgery done in mid-August. I’ve had a fair amount of surgeries in my life. Nine of them before I was 10 years old. This surgery made number 12. I hate hospitals. I appreciate them and what they do but I hate being in them. The smells. The hospital gowns. The IVs. Yuck.

So the idea of going in for a not-mandatory-but-could-improve-quality-of-life surgery was a difficult notion for me to deal with. I spent the first week after scheduling it still half wondering if I’d go through with it. As for how it turned out, ask me in a couple months after I’m fully healed! For now, the surgeon seems to have done a great job and zero complications experienced.

What’s the coolest “side effect” you’ve experienced from strength training? I had to buy all new pants. My thighs had outgrown all my pants, ha! So after buying pants large enough to fit my thighs, I then had to have all of them taken in around my waist. But hey, I got to go shopping. I also have muscle definition in my traps. At all times. Without flexing. It’s pretty cool.

How has lifting weights changed your life? It’s increased my confidence both emotionally and physically. I am capable of things I honestly never thought I could be. I thought pull ups were out of my reach; they’re not. I saw a video of someone doing swiss ball pike ups and thought “Woah, I don’t know if I could do that!” I totally could. And did. On my first try! I second guess myself less and am more attuned with my body and my mind. Basically, I am woman hear me roar.

What do you want to say to other women who might be nervous or hesitant about strength training? Try it. Just try it. You might not like it and that’s fine. But if you do? Well, welcome to the club and we’re so thrilled you’re here! There’s also nothing wrong with starting small. You pick up those 5 pound dumbbells and you rock the sh*t out of them!

When did you join Strongest You Coaching? Why did you decide to join and what helped you make the decision to join? I joined SYC in January 2017. I had been interested for probably a year or more but had never reached out. It felt like it was out of my league and out of my budget. I was wrong on both accounts. I had struggled with body image for at least two thirds of my life. I went on my first diet when I was 11 or 12.

I had taught all about the ridiculous standards that media holds women to and that we are all beautiful. I taught it; I believed it. But I couldn’t apply that to me and my life. I was unhappy and had been unhappy with my body for so long I couldn’t even guess. I was tired of being unhappy and something needed to change. I also refused to pass on my insecurities to my daughter. I will do everything I can to ensure she loves and accepts herself just as she is but how could I truly do that when I hadn’t accepted myself? Finally, I emailed Molly, our woman-in-charge, with some questions and here I am.

What has been your biggest challenge in the Strongest You Coaching program? Getting over some of my mental roadblocks. SYC challenges the way you think or, most specifically, the way we’ve been trained to think. It forces you — if you let it — to get outside of your own head, your own way of doing things, and lean in to the discomfort. Doing the same thing over and over again is easy and comfortable. But doing the same thing over and over again won’t get you anywhere.

What has been your biggest success in the Strongest You Coaching program? Unassisted pull up! This was something that, for the longest time, I didn’t think I would be able to do. But I did! Even more important than that is how I feel: I feel different; I know the way I think has changed and while I’ve got more work to do (and always will), I’m on a much, much better track now than I was before SYC.

What do you like best about the Strongest You Coaching community? Find your tribe — Shannon L. Adler.

Not enough can be said about the importance of having a support system especially when venturing into new or challenging territory. With SYC and GGS, I have found my tribe. We share in each others’ challenges, successes, confusion. We swap favorite snack ideas, recipes. We offer tips on form if someone is having trouble with a new movement or lift. And I’m not even talking about the Coach herself. Your coach is always there to answer any (and ALL) of your questions. To help redirect you when your mind starts reverting to old and maybe unhealthy ways of thinking. This community can truly change your life.

What is your “BIG” goal you’d like to achieve by the end of Strongest You Coaching? Wow! I want to look in a mirror and not focus on the parts of my body I’m less than happy with. I don’t want to look immediately at my stomach and wonder if I’d be happier if it were flatter or more defined. I’ve learned in SYC that I wouldn’t be happier because I’m still focusing my self-worth on a part of me and not the whole me. So I want to look at my traps, my biceps, my shoulders, my quads — all the areas at which I can look and see strength, power, and beauty. Because strong, powerful, and beautiful is what I am and who I aspire to be. Not a flatter stomach.

What is the habit you’re currently working on most? Acceptance and fixing mindless bad behaviors. The acceptance piece is kind of obvious but the “behaviors” for me is referring to my more self-destructive tendencies. Particularly when self-care becomes self-comfort and then self-indulgence. Sometimes this is okay and I’m getting better and letting myself be comforted with chocolate every now and then. But it doesn’t need to be my go-to like it has been. It’s a process.

One of the “ah-ha” moments I had during SYC was during a group discussion about how hard it is to change some habits but, more importantly, why it’s so hard. Our bodies and our minds like routine and familiarity even when they’re not healthy. They want to fall back into the old rut because that doesn’t require work. Real change takes work, is uncomfortable, mentally tiring, and a bumpy process.

How has Strongest You Coaching changed your life? It’s changing the way I think, or rather, it’s correcting the way I think. I’m more attuned to my mental, physical, and emotional needs. I’m learning to better prioritize what I need and want as well as what I’m willing to do to achieve those needs and wants. I’m becoming happier and more accepting of me as a whole individual. My worth is not the equivalent of a number on scale, whether I ate a brownie today, or deadlifted 220 pounds.

As someone who’s spent the majority of my life being unhappy and dissatisfied with my appearance, I finally feel like I’m on the right path and am learning that there’s not a damn thing wrong with me.

What would you tell a woman who’s nervous about joining Strongest You Coaching? It is so worth it. Some of the topics are challenging. You will be pushed to confront challenges you’ve had, maybe all your life, but it is so important to be open to this discomfort. The more you can open yourself up to the process and the more honest you can be with yourself and the group, the more successful you will be. And it really is so worth it. This is an amazing opportunity to learn more about yourself and how to truly care for yourself than you may have ever thought possible.

The post GGS Spotlight: Laura Franklin appeared first on Girls Gone Strong.

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