#no beta we die like matthias

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “You’ve never been too much for me.”

Song: Iris - The Goo Goo Dolls

For Tolya x Reader please!!

Saints Or High Water - Tolya x Reader

Yes. Happy to oblige.

Content Warnings: Canon Compliant Threat and Fear Related To Targeted Violence and Execution, Not Beta or Proof Read, Suggestions Of A Difficult Family Life and Upbringing, Anxiety, Self Doubt, Negative Self View And The Terrifying Fear Of Being Known Loved And Seen.

Does it count as hurt/comfort if you're just being mean to yourself until the very kind shapely man tells you you're worth something?

Just another drabble I guess.

There is good and bad in everything, the universe finds a way to create balance. The Small Science is no exception to that rule. Being Grisha is an extraordinary thing, there's deep beauty in the power The Saints give. But that doesn't mean being Grisha is always easy, and those in the parts less forgiving to Grisha, less understanding, less inclined to see gifts as blessings but as signs of witchcraft or sin, this was ever clear. But even the quieter ways, within oneself being Grisha isn't always easy. A talent is a talent for as long as you nurture it, as you learn it, keep it close and well maintained, but these kinds of talents aren't always easy to tether. They try to teach Grisha young for a reason.

You're sitting on the edge of the deck, and it's one of those days, where being so many miles from shore feels like a blessing, because distancing yourself from land makes everything feel less real. On the Volkvolny the ability to practice The Small Science is admired, under the operation of Sturmhond, on this ship with a crew he had collected, it was usually far more easy to forget the harshness that waits on land. But not today.

Today the waves are not big enough to swallow all the feelings that are raging just underneath the surface, keeping you a safe distance from anyone else on the ship. The wind rushing over the sails, and the all the crashing of water against The Wolf could not drown out the thoughts echoing so loudly within your mind, determined to be heard, demanding to be seen. Thoughts that are taking up more space than you ever would dare to take up at all.

A Heartrender like any Corporalki worth their salt as a Grisha would be able to sense the mood from this distance, and almost all would know when sadness runs this deep and this quiet, that nothing would really help, and likely that help would not be welcomed. At sea, it is generally accepted to let people be with their feelings, the ocean more forgiving than the land. More accepting too.

But Tolya Yul Bataar was not just any Heartrender, and you had long come to know that about him. Not only was the strong giant as poetic as he was stoic, which was a lot, but he was also persistent, in that quiet, gentle way that you had come to know. Never had you known a man who's honour was more evident than his strength and yet stood quite as tall and strong as Tolya.

His approach is slow, gentle, arms crossed as he leans into the post, as if he had no other reason to be there. He probably doesn't, but you don't linger on that thought.

"Come to share some poetry have you Tolya?" You ask against the wind. Maybe he won't hear you, and he will leave you to this quiet sadness once more.

"That wasn't my intention but I am happy to oblige," he smiles and for a moment you forget why you wanted to be alone. Tolya has this way with you, of making you forget even if just for small moments just how cruel the world can be.

You glance as he unfolds his arms, to reach for a small book in his pocket, and you have long forsaken asking him how he managed to keep his skin exposed in such cold conditions as you watch some of the salt spray hit his upper arm and he leans away from the waves to shield the book.

"O the opal and the sapphire of that wandering sea,

And the woman riding high above with bright hair fluttering free,

The woman whom I loved so, and who loyally loved me."

You let him read to you a while, as you watch the way the water turns white as it hits the sides of the ship, wondering if the water wants to be different, something else to what it is and that is why it endlessly tries to throw itself against whatever it passes, desiring to be changed by the impact.

"Those are new," you comment after a while and Tolya smiles and it reaches into those golden eyes and you try not to look too closely. Tolya is something else, and you wonder if you would've stayed here on this ship, with this crew for as long as you have had it not been for him. Never had you known anyone like Tolya, and you doubt you would again, and it was with such certainty of that you held onto his presence and his companionship as deeply as you could, while trying to spare him the overwhelming closeness of knowing you.

"As much as I enjoy you indulging me, I sense that maybe it's less about my passion today and more about what you wish not to say," he says.

For all the time, and all the practice, and all the attempts to keep him far enough away that your mistakes could never end up being his burden, he still sees straight through you like you were glass.

"Today I am the ocean, unreadable and entirely too much," you admit.

You feel the warmth of his presence before you notice him moving closer, his shoulder now pressed to yours as he leans forward on the edge of the gunwale.

“You’ve never been too much for me.”

"And I intend to keep it that way," you say without thinking. Tolya is honest, honest and true in a way that makes you want to be so back. Tolya stands so tall and yet does not cast a conceited shadow, his shade is nothing but comforting. A Grisha, a Heartrender, who would rather use the weapons he practiced and learned to fight with than his blessings. Probably because of his faith, but Saints you'd never stopped to ask.

"You cannot be do much for me," he says quietly. You expect a joke to follow, a comment such as 'you've met Tamar,' but in the absence of his twin, Sturmhond or any other member of crew to joke to, his sentiment is more important than the shielding of it.

You remain silent and that tells him exactly what he thought you might say: you do not know me enough to say that.

"I understand why you do this," he says quietly, "after years of being called a monster, it is easy to believe yourself to be one, and it takes much more to undo such damage than it does to create it. But you are not what those for fear you speak you to be."

His kindness always brings a warmth that no fire could ever come close to bringing. You drag your eyes from the waves and he is watching you, gentle and consistent.

/And I don't want the world to see me/

"I do not always feel that I was gifted, not when I was told I was cursed," you admit. "But it is not me that I am quiet for. I am more concerned about those who must be around me. Those who could be hurt by my monster."

"You are no monster," he says, reaching forward and placing his hand over your own. You expect his hand on yours to feel more rough, more calloused, but all you can feel is the softness of his expression and the tenderness of his words, with the grounding weight of all he means to you. /'Cause I don't think that they'd understand/

"And I know I cannot make this storm pass, but I will wait with you, until it does, we can stand here, and we can say nothing," he says. "And we will wait until it passes, and I will stay here, right beside you."

/When everything's made to be broken/

You lean into him and he wraps an arm around your shoulder and holds you close and for a short moment it all goes quiet.

/I just want you to know who I am/

"What if it doesn't pass?"

"It will, but if it doesn't, I will stay right here."

[she-posts-nerdy-stuff]

Daughter of the Rain and Snow

Concept: Around ten years after the events of Crooked Kingdom, 25-year-old Captain Inej Ghafa frees Maya Olsen from a pleasure house in Ketterdam. Maya is looking for revenge against the man who put her in her position, a man who she knows nothing about except his name: Kaz Brekker.

Tags: @wraith--2 @lunarthecorvus @just2bubbly @real-fragments7 @ethereal-maia @cartoon-clifford @origami-butterfly

Content Warnings: in more general terms I want to remind people to be aware of the nature of Kaz and Inej's experiences and relationship since even if I'm not directly addressing these things they tend to be implicit in any writing about them, but specifically to this chapter there's ptsd references, discussion about drowning, threats, violence, and there isn’t any child death taking place but it is talked about so I wanted to mention that just to make sure I’m being clear

Chapter 15 - Kaz

“What are the chances of being arrested if I murder a member of the Merchant Council in broad daylight?” Kaz snarled as he limped into the Crow Club.

He was finally going to give Ethan this Saints-forsaken financial record. Part of him was hoping the boy was guilty after all, so he’d have an excuse to kill someone. Annika looked up from her table and snorted a short laugh.

“For anyone else pretty high. For you? Depends on the Council member,”

“Meaning?”

“Meaning it depends on whether Jesper would shoot you before the Stadwatch got there,”

“Like Jesper could take me,”

She laughed again. Kaz didn’t have time for that. He flung two bags of coins into her lap and marched on past as he said:

“One for you. One for Rotty. Keep the tables busy,”

Annika’s mock salute was the last thing he saw from the corner of his eye as he headed straight for the back room.

Ethan sat, alone, behind his desk, head half buried in the books until Kaz hit his cane against the doorframe to summon some attention. Ethan flinched and threw his head up, and upon seeing Kaz found himself somewhere between relieved and even more anxious. He closed the book in front of him with slightly trembling fingers.

“Kaz, you - I don’t-”

Kaz dropped the record into front of Ethan, open on the Olsen transaction. He took in Ethan’s twitchy manner and dishevelled appearance with a slow study if the boy, who was now leaning over and blinking several times to read the words.

“When did you last sleep?”

“Wh- I don’t- I was waiting for you,”

Ghezen, the kid hadn’t left the room since Kaz told him he’d be back with the ledger.

“It’s been 30 hours,”

“You said you didn’t know how long you’d be,”

“Well you’re useless to me like this. Go back to the Slat and get some sleep, we’ll talk about this tomorrow,”

Ethan left in a haze and Kaz shook his head as he took a chair and pulled the most recent books towards him. Something was telling him the last 2 days of adding were going to need redoing, and besides it gave him a good opportunity to read through the recent ledgers for any discrepancies. This wasn’t as good a distraction as talking to Ethan would have been, but it was something. Kaz thought of Inej pulling away from him in their little house, dark eyes burning like a fire half- hidden by the black silhouette of the moon. He flexed his fingers in his gloves.

“What was the alternative?”

“Me!”

She was right, in a way, he thought. What would their little piece of the world look like if he had taken the energy he gave to the Dregs and put it into them? A marriage that didn’t rely on letters left from the beyond, safety, security, maybe family. And where would that leave him? Following Inej around Ravka, replacing the fear of the ship with the fear of her falling from the swings? Watching her teach their children the high wire whilst he imagined them falling, saw their little bodies splayed across the concrete? Or would he still be left waiting for her ship to return, tucking the children in every night whilst they asked when their mother would come home and he had no answer to give them? Always passive, always outside, watching her life through a lens whilst he couldn’t find where he fit into it.

She would have her ship, and he would have his city.

Even now that had to be the way it was. He had watched her try to be part of his world for years and known she wasn’t happy, he couldn’t ask her to sacrifice that again. But he didn’t know if he had the strength to sacrifice his world for hers instead.

And now this.

Kaz didn’t want to blame Inej for being angry with him, but she’d read the Saintsforsaken ledger hadn’t she? She knew he’d done nothing to this girl or her father that justified her placing blame on him. Something itched at him in the corners of his mind her shut out. You didn’t want to blame Jordie. Of course he didn’t. But it seemed all a more clean cut affair with Maya’s father, didn’t it?

No matter how Maya felt though, surely Inej could see?

She reminds me of you.

Kaz had no hope of focusing on these stupid ledgers. The numbers swam from line to line, like they were taunting him with the one thing he was supposed to be able to do. This, at least he was supposed to still be good at. A glance, an acknowledgment, and the numbers should have been stored in his mind. The filing cabinets in there scrolling over a decade of records that he could call upon at will. But now he was straining to concentrate, and his mind was filled with nothing but Inej and her dark, burning eyes. Flinching away from his touch. Drowning in the harbour. Thirty hours. When had he last slept? He didn’t want to. The dream came too fresh, too often. That oil black hair spilling around her, floating in the water. Limbs drooping, borne aloft by the waves, fingers in his turning to taut and bloated flesh. He couldn’t touch her. Couldn’t reach her. He was falling from the wire without a net.

He shoved the books away and hurried out, ignoring Pim trying to get his attention as they passed each other near the stairs. He went into his office and slammed the door shut, feeling the shake of his gloved fingers on the lock. He was stronger than this. This wasn’t supposed to happen anymore.

And if it did? He wasn’t supposed to be alone.

He slid down the door and sat on the floor in cold, shivering silence, his bad leg stretched out in front of him. He had to get her, had to explain to her, had to - what? What did he even want to say?

He would move the earth for her. He would kill, had killed, for her. He would die for her. And it didn’t mean anything, because even now he didn’t show it. Because even now, he refused to torture himself with the idea of their future. Their happiness, together. In Kerch, in Ravka, they could move to the permafrost in Fjerda for all he cared. He would carve a life for her in the face of a mountain, if that was what she wanted. But it felt like an infection. It was worming its way through him, and if he didn’t quash it there was every change it might destroy him. Destroy them both. All he was so desperate to give her was impossible to say, because saying it out loud made it real. It made it something that could be lost.

Kaz didn’t know how long he’d sat there before he managed to slowly pull himself back up, weight first in the door handle and then against his cane. There were no lights on in the room. He let the door swing on its hinges as he left, to walk back to the Slat. To force himself to sleep; to let the dream wash over him so he could fight it like he’d fought everyone and everything else.

And so it was as the door swung and the lights remained off, as Kaz limped away in stoic silence and the street lamps began to glow, that no-one noticed the hand reach up from beneath the desk and leave a neat, sealed letter next to the inkwell.

[luna-writes-stuff]

Day 2: Love Story, Kaz Brekker

Song link

Fanfic, gn!reader

CBJXJS SO MUCH FLUFF OMG

Word count: 3275

Tw: No beta we die like men, maybe a tiny ooc!kaz oopsie. I tried. One drop of Y/N. Sorry gold girlies. Slight description of anxiety. Piece about heists and injuries, but nothing too graphic.

Summary: Kaz hasn’t known life without you at his side. He doesn’t see reason for you to abandon him any time soon. And he isn’t planning on letting you go either.

"We were both young when I first saw you I close my eyes and the flashback starts I'm standin' there On a balcony in summer air."

Kaz Brekker was never the legend people would now call Dirtyhands. He was not always as undaunted or ‘soulless’- if you will - as people knew. You had met him when he was a normal boy. You had known him running through the weeds after you, tossing mud and apples in your direction.

The two of you frolicking and tumbling down the hills, jumping in creeks, and chasing butterflies. Nobody would believe you that that was your childhood if you told them now. But you knew. And you knew Kaz did as well.

Somewhere.

Deep down.

"See the lights, see the party, the ball gowns See you make your way through the crowd And say, "Hello" Little did I know."

But something as fragile as innocence and youth is easily corrupted. For not even ten years later, the two of you found yourselves completely and utterly alone. In the centre of a town many knew to avoid.

And though Kaz changed for the worse, and grew cold and distant, he never let you out of his sight. Not after that fateful day. He would no longer offer you comforting embraces, or heartfelt touches, but he had his way of letting you know he cared.

He’d hand you your coat, save you a seat at the table, have a cup of coffee warm for you in the morning, a hand ghosting behind your back when you passed a certain group of men, offer you a goodnight before you left for bed, and a whole bunch of other things you did not seem to notice that often. But he took special care in these things.

"That you were Romeo, you were throwin' pebbles And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet" And I was cryin' on the staircase Beggin' you, "Please don't go, "."

A moment as this one was one you would not recognize until you were asked later. You were sitting on the edge of the fountain. On top of Kaz’ coat. One he had taken off so you could sit down. And it had become normal for you. Hell, even Jesper had gotten used to it. But Kaz would take good care in remembering to do these things; for even if you did not point them out, he knew you would notice it when he stopped doing it.

So now, the three of you were waiting in the garden on the other half of your group. Nina, Matthias, Wylan, and Inej were given the simple task of invading the gallery. A painting high on Pekka’s list has passed through Kaz’ ears, and he was keen on having it. If only to bother Rollins.

But Jesper had been handsome decoy - his specialty - as you and Kaz tried to keep out of sight. If anything would tick the guards off, it would’ve been the mere sight of your faces. So the garden had to do for the time being.

"And I said Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run."

“They should have been back by now,” Kaz mumbled under his breath, leaning on his cane as he inspected his watch.

“Well,” Jesper smirked, taking a seat beside you. “You know how Nina likes to be fashionably late.” “That is a Jesper trait,” You interrupted. “Nina knows better.”

The sharpshooter shot you an accusing look. One that, ironically, Nina would often shoot you when warning you about thin ice. The boy copied the expression almost flawlessly, but you simply shrugged.

“I could sneak in and look for them.” You tried to offer in reconciliation, but you were shot down by Kaz.

“Not you,” He responded almost immediately. “They will recognize you the second you set foot in that building.” As he spoke, his eyes trailed to Jesper, who exhaled deeply at the hint.

“Do you want me to check?” He groaned almost unwillingly, standing up from the seat he had just taken.

“Please, do be a Saint and run in.” You batted your eyelashes sarcastically, holding your hands together in dramatic affection. “Thank you.”

The grumbled something under his breath,halting his steps momentarily to turn back to you. “So you two can have some alone time.”

“Go.” You dismissed, shooing him away with your hands. A joking “going” was heard from him, before he stalked through the window, leaving you alone with the Bastard of the Barrel. A surprisingly comfortable idea.

"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

Patting the empty space beside you, you urged Kaz to sit down. His leg had seemed to bother him after all the walking, but you knew him longer than today. You knew he would not tell anyone it bothers him, much less admit it as an answer. But he silently accepted your offer.

“They will be fine,” You tried to reassure, to which the boy nodded, his eyes set on the building in the distance.

“Of course they will.”

“Then why do you appear anxious?”

His posture appeared rigged, his jaws set tightly together as his eyes had yet to wander the surroundings of his place. Though his cane stood on the floor steady, his hand was clutching it as if it was the only thing keeping him standing - or sitting, in this case.

Not yet.

“I don’t get anxious.”

Looking at him sharply, you opted to remain silent, not clouding his thoughts. Instead, you chose to sit there in silent peace. A moment so calm - ironic, considering you were in the midst of a heist - that you knew it would take days for something like this to appear again.

"So I sneak out to the garden to see you We keep quiet, 'cause we're dead if they knew So close your eyes Escape this town for a little while, oh oh."

But the silence was quickly overtook by a gunshot coming from the structure you and Kaz had kept such a keen eye on. Simultaneously, the two of you shot up, both reaching for the weapons hid within your pockets. But before either of you could draw them, your five friends came running out, the tallest one of them carrying a smaller painting.

“Run!” Was all Nina managed to shout, nearing the two of you rather quickly, before grabbing your arm and tugging you with her, leaving Kaz to take off on his own.

You did not dare question them. Not when you heard a group of loud footsteps thundering from the gates you had escaped through just seconds prior.

“I thought this was supposed to be a swift and stealthy mission!” You panted out over your shoulder, following Nina’s every step.

“It was!” Inej countered, her voice sounding behind your back, her breaths also heavy. “Until Jesper decided to pop in!”

“This was not my fault!”

“Not the time!” Kaz hissed, grabbing one of the bombs Wylan had secured on his back. As you kept running, he detached the clip, throwing it a couple feet back, his pace not once fading.

A loud boom echoed through the streets, but none of you dared to stop to see if the chasing had stopped.

“Of course, because storming into the main hall with a gun in your hand would not raise any questions!” Nina protested, her hand tightly clutching yours.

“I had it under control!”

“They were shooting at you!”

“Not the time!” Kaz repeated in irritation, making way to that all too familiar alley. Just a couple more steps, and you would be between the safe walls of the Slat.

"'Cause you were Romeo, I was a scarlet letter And my daddy said, "Stay away from Juliet" But you were everything to me I was beggin' you, "Please don't go, "."

After you and Inej had fixed Wylan up from his unfortunate encounter with a long flight of stairs, you made your way to your room. Throwing your full weight onto your bed, you sighed in relief

You made it.

The planning for heists was fun. Hell, sometimes the execution of it even was. The running was something you could never get used to, though. And it did not help your brain told you to check on Kaz every five seconds, making it quite difficult to maintain your balance. But you were here. Back in your room. The comforting smell of fresh sheets brushed through your system.

You’d have to thank Kaz for that later.

For now, all you truly wanted to do was close your eyes and relax. You did not even want to fall asleep. Resting your eyes had been a term for a reason.

Yet you could not help but notice a small piece of paper resting on your windowsill. What piqued your interest, was the fact that you had not written - nor left - anything there. And even from this distance, you could tell it wasn’t the paper you would usually use.

Groaning at the sudden thoughts, you got back up, wandering towards the piece. Your eyes scanned the first few words, noticing a bunch of crossed out sentences at the bottom, which were nigh unreadable.

This was Kaz’ handwriting.

Folding the paper, you placed it on top of your nightstand, urging your curious mind to simply shut up for once, and just close your eyes.

"And I said Romeo, take me somewhere we can be alone I'll be waiting, all there's left to do is run."

He had found you like that an hour later. Still sprawled out over the blanket, almost in starfish position. Soft snores escaped your mouth, as your feet dangled from the bed.

He knew better than to disturb you.

He hung his coat over one of the chairs in the room, resting his cane against the seat. As he walked towards you, he halted suddenly, as if forgetting something. Staring at you for a couple of seconds, he decided to turn around, grabbing something from his coat, which he placed within the pockets of his trousers.

Sitting down beside you, he simply watched you, discarding his gloves on the nightstand. His eyes caught a folded up piece of paper, tucked neatly under the seat of the lantern decorating the table, making sure it wouldn’t fly off.

His head ran through a million different scenarios; had you read it? Did you leave it there for him, or had he left it there? Should he tuck it away just to be safe?

"You'll be the prince and I'll be the princess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

Kaz Brekked never felt anxious. He was not anxious now. This unsettling feeling in the pit of his stomach was merely….lack of hydration.

Yes, he needed to drink. He hadn’t drank anything since you left for the heist. That was all.

Yet he could not help but grab the paper, tugging it into his pocket as well. He stood up again, tucking a blanket over you briefly, before walking up to the door.

He halted momentarily. Again.

This was no anxiety.

His head turned back to your sleeping form, his hand subconsciously reaching for the paper.

No. Not yet.

"Romeo, save me, they're tryna tell me how to feel This love is difficult, but it's real."

“Hey, Kazzle,” Jesper grinned as he slid into the booth, next to his boss, who inaudibly groaned at his cheerful friend.

“You know I love our little talks, but today, you simply seem to be radiating-“ he tried to sugarcoat, but Kaz was quick to interrupt him.

“What do you need, Jesper? And why?”

The said sharpshooter halted, gaping quietly, a mocking, dramatic sigh escaping his mouth. He was not on time to defend his case, though, for Kaz already shot him an annoyed glance.

“Nina has this bet,” Jesper started meekly.

“No.”

“You don’t even know what it is about.”

“This is your mess, Jesper.”

“No, but see, that’s the great part.” He pointed out, laying his hands on the table to put emphasis on his words. “I haven’t partaken yet.”

The boy shot him an urging glance, forcing him to continue speaking. Jesper glanced around briefly, afraid his other friends might be listening to him. But when he spotted none within hearing distance, he continued.

“I could really use a win now, and Nina seems big on her case, and you know how she gets-“

“You’re rambling,”

“Right.” Swallowing thickly, the Zemeni boy looked at his hands, twirling with his rings subconsciously. “You see, Nina seems fairly convinced you are planning a certain thing.”

Raising his eyebrows, Kaz looked at his glass. “A thing?”

“Yes, well, you won’t believe this,” he chuckled nervously, his leg now stuttering under the table. Suddenly his voice became hushed. “She thinks you are going to, you know…” he trailed off, opening his hands vertically, a hint Kaz did not seem to get.

Or did not want to get.

"Don't be afraid, we'll make it out of this mess It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

His eyes glanced up at his friend again, furrowing his eyebrows together.

“She thinks,” Jesper now whispered, his voice barely audible for Kaz. “That you are going to pop the question.”

Anxiety and dread settled into Kaz’ system once more.

No, not anxiety. Dehydration, he told himself.

“I am going to propose to Y/N?” He asked in confirmation, to which Jesper nodded wildly.

“Usually, I would take the counter bet, but Nina seemed so keen on her words, I had to check first.”

“That is considered cheating.”

“Can you not grant me this one thing?”

“No,” Kaz answered curtly. His friend sat there in silence, unsure of how to continue. Thankfully, Kaz spoke first. “No, I do not plan on proposing.”

A sigh of relief swept through the room, originating from Jesper, who laid his head on the table.

“Thank you, Kazzle. You’re a Saint.”

And with these words, he disappeared into the back room, surely making a deal with Nina.

"I got tired of waiting Wonderin' if you were ever comin' around."

These were the words that would haunt him for the rest of the night. As he wandered the halls later that night, his hands kept fiddling with the paper in his pocket. Inej had noticed. She had not told him.

She was the one who had found the note in the first place. She was the one who had placed it in your windowsill. Of course, without the knowledge of you or Kaz.

She was the one who slipped one thing or the other to Nina. She did not mean to, she simply lost control of her excitement. And now Nina had been beaming for days.

Surprisingly, no one would notice. Not until Jesper mentioned that bet to Kaz.

"My faith in you was fading When I met you on the outskirts of town, And I said."

He entered your room for the second time that night, now finding you in a fresh set of clothes, neatly tucked under the blankets, leaving space on the bed in case Kaz were to join her again. And the invite seemed to good to ignore now.

Throwing his shoes off, and changing his clothes, he walked towards the bed. You had looked so peaceful there; more at rest than you had appeared earlier. Your chest was rising and falling slowly, breath fanning past your lips with every exhale.

He knew staring was probably one of the last things he should do in such a scenario, yet he could not help it. Nothing brought him more peace nor comfort than to see you at peace. It was something silly, he considered, but he found himself truly at rest when you were.

And in that exact moment, with the soft pattering of rain against the window, he had felt more relaxed than he had in the last days. Nay - weeks. Perhaps even months.

He was not anxious.

"Romeo, save me, I've been feeling so alone I keep waiting for you, but you never come Is this in my head? I don't know what to think."

Shaking the sudden intrusive thoughts from his mind, he opted to lie on his back, his eyes trained on the ceiling. You had been right earlier; his leg had been bothering him. He had been too vain to admit it. Laying down now was not only peaceful to him, it was soothing altogether. Mentally and physically.

Hissing momentarily as he adjusted his leg, he felt you stir beside him. Freezing upon the motion, he nearly stopped breathing.

“Staying here tonight?” You mumbled, your voice laced with sleep, your head moving to bury itself in your pillow.

Kaz only hummed, resuming his shifting. He felt you rolling around, turning towards the edge of the bed as you gave him more room.

“No,” he objected through a whisper. “It’s okay.”

As if he flipped a switch, you turned back into your earlier position, your leg briefly brushing his. But he did not groan upon the impact, as you had expected. Instead, he kept his leg there; against yours, almost a comforting touch.

"He knelt to the ground and pulled out a ring And said, "Marry me, Juliet You'll never have to be alone."

Silence now filled the air, the twisting and turning finally stopping. Though there had been a reasonable distance between the two of you, the feeling of his leg against yours was a reminder that he was still there.

Moments passed, yet you could not bring yourself to fall asleep. Something was bothering Kaz and you knew it. You did not even need to look at him in order to know that.

“Penny for your thoughts?” You mumbled, your eyes still shut, but interested in his words.

He remained quiet for a second, before sighing shortly. “Jesper placing bets again.”

You hummed in humor and understanding, now turning around to face him.

“Is he losing?”

He stared into your eyes for a moment, his usually stern gaze filled with something only you got to see from time to time; weakness and - ironically enough - love. It was hesitant now, but still obvious.

“Always.”

"“I love you and that's all I really know I talked to your dad, go pick out a white dress" It's a love story, baby, just say, "Yes"."

You chuckled lowly, shaking your head against the pillow. Kaz simply continued to look at you, the ghost of a smile on his face.

Closing your eyes again, you muttered him a good night, knowing he’d keep talking if something were to bother him.

Instead, he grabbed your hand; his slender fingers brushing with yours, before grasping them clearly, squeezing them lightly as he moved them. His lips met the surface of your hand for a short second, the notion sending butterflies through your stomach. He had picked up this habit weeks earlier, and you would be lying if you said you did not enjoy it.

“‘Night,” he uttered back, before letting go of your hand.

It hadn’t even been a minute before his voice cut through the silent air again.

“Silver or gold?”

You were quiet for a while, pondering his question, even though you already knew the answer.

“Silver.”

Kaz chuckled, turning around to face the nightstand, glancing at something on top of it that you could not see over his back.

“Yes,” he mused. “Jesper is going to lose.”

"'Cause we were both young when I first saw you."

—

Tag list: @brekkers-desigirl @ell0ra-br3kk3r @4-ravener-7

[wesper-ao3feed]

well you don't know me (but i know you)

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/AbG72Po by Honeiipuff In which 5 times Kaz bakes for the crows Inspired by this tumblr post: https://ift.tt/8Y0rOj3 Words: 1439, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Series: Part 4 of Six of Crows Oneshots Fandoms: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Characters: Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Jesper Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Wylan Van Eck Relationships: Kaz Brekker & Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker & Jesper Fahey, Kaz Brekker & Nina Zenik, Kaz Brekker & Matthias Helvar, Kaz Brekker & Wylan Van Eck, Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck Additional Tags: Kaz Brekker is a softie, secretly of course, but also not so secretly, no beta we die like jordie, Kaz Bakes, Title from O Superman (Laurie Anderson) read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/AbG72Po

[etuwubrutus]

ever thought about how one of the few things we know about max’s past is that he had a ‘friend’ who gave him his nickname? it’s late at night, so just hear my rambling out:

In most of the fae folklore I’ve read about, ‘names’ are a huge thing, with a bunch of stories where you give away your name to the fair folk if they ask for it. Obviously, New Atlantis is a mix of weird-ass mythologies and the honest-to-god tarot arcana, BUT the fact that Max is fae is brought up several times. He’s a shapeshifter, he’s luminescent, agile, ‘pretty’ and definitely cunning, which means that KD sticks to a lot of the traditional folklore.

In that scene where Rune asks Matthias whether there’s ‘something we should call you,’ the phrasing is specific. This is definitely extrapolation, but the vague phrasing is probably a way for him to make max comfortable. Outright saying ‘give me your nickname’ would have sounded like a power play, threatening, like something the Lovers would have done.

Max says that he ‘had a friend, who [she] called him ‘Max.’’ Not his name, which is Matthias Saint Valentine, but something he was GIVEN, by someone close to him.

Which brings me to my NEXT point: companion bonds. Okay, hear me out. Rune mentions how companions were an old thing done by courts when he was a kid, right? The age difference between him and Matthias is about 15 years, and assuming that the Lovers court wasn’t as ‘modern’ as the others (as in, their arcanum had isolated them from the rest of the arcana) it’s safe to say that Max (a potential scion heir to the throne) could have been given a companion.

So here’s what I’m saying: max could have had a companion, this ‘friend’ he mentions once, who was one of the only people in the Heart Palace he could trust. Seeing as he’s fae and has an intimate relationship with names, his companion ‘giving’ him a nickname is plausible, since it’s the only other one he has apart from his assigned ‘saint valentine’ suffix.

Sidenote: Max’s relationship with names is completely supported by the end of book 2, where *SPOILER* Rune ‘gives’ him the surname ‘Saint John.’ It only works because Max trusts the man, and it’s offered freely.

Some extra thoughts - it’s also possible that after Elena ‘discarded’ Matthias as an heir, his companion was disposed of. Like, I know this sounds morbid, but it’s the Lovers, they were going to use max as a marital offering to a paedophile, would you really put this past them? Matthias is deemed useless, and a marital pawn wouldn’t need a companion if they were meant to be one to a powerful figure in another court, so there goes Matthias’s one friend.

This also sort of, sort of explains why Max’s relationship with Quinn starts off so rocky - first off, Max’s PTSD with trusting anybody in general, and second, the fact that he maybe-had-a-companion-who-was-killed around the same age as Quinn explains why he was hesitant to befriend him.

Another thing I noticed - while the psychological aspect of Max ‘not wanting to feel like he’s a burden to Rune and Brand’ is explained by the abuse at the Heart Palace, there’s also his genetics. Fae don’t like to be in debt, and always ‘return’ whatever they gain from a bargain. Same thing applies here - the love and safety he ‘gets’ from Rune and Brand feels like something he OWES to them, which is why he’s a mess at the end of book 2 when they ‘gift’ him with *SPOILER* adoption and education.

It’s just, agh, there’s so much lore buried in Max’s character that might or might not be intentional but I love it all the same. The one thing I’m looking most forward to in the rest of the series is more Max, hands down.

[fericita-s]

The Princess and the Barbarian

A Helnik tale, rated T.  As Matthias recovers from a gunshot wound, Nina tells him the story of the Princess and the Barbarian. He interrupts a lot as his Fjerdan sensibilities are bothered and the Ravkan propaganda gets to be unbearable.  Thank you @theburnbarreljester​ for beta-ing and for making jokes about the story’s “climax.”

Previous Chapters

Chapter 14

They’d kept to remote paths as they made their way to the northernmost section of the Shadow Fold and for the first time, Inessa realized how close it was to the Fjerdan border.  The darkness encroached into the disputed territory of the Lesnoy Forest and at the edges even the birdsong sounded wrong.  

“It stretches on like a sea,” Inessa said.  “How can you hope to tear it down as just one man? How many volcra can you slay before you fall from exhaustion?” She buckled the breastplate at the side of his chest and ran her hand up the thick material. She could feel his heart beating underneath and suddenly wished she could change its speed, to make him fall asleep and awake with no memory of this plan.  To take her back to their cave.  To stay safe.

“You’ve made me armor, I will not fall,” he said, looking at the mass of darkness.  It looked like it was boiling.  Like it might erupt at any moment.

“My armor cannot prevent you from being carried by them.  From being thrown down from a great height.  From running out of arrows.  Please, Iver.  Gather more men.  You can’t do this alone.” 

His eyes snapped to her.  “Is that what you want? To get more Fjerdans killed?” He reached into the saddlebags and pulled out the gloves she’d made for him.  “They would never wear this armor or accept any help from a Ravkan.”

“Maybe you can change that.  Maybe our countries together can change that.  If we fight this force together - “ she was pulling on his arms now, trying to drag him back to their canvas tent, but he shook her off, put on his helmet, and strode towards the wall of black.  He spoke to her over his shoulder, the sound muffled from inside the protective covering she had made.

“No.  We will not fight with Ravka.  Ravka created this chaos.  And I will fix it.”

She fell to her knees as he entered the Shadow Fold, her hand over her mouth, and was suddenly reminded of the last time she had done that.  Her parents had just been ripped apart by the volca and she’d seen the gaping blackness that promised more death.  She’d been unable to do anything to stop it but this time she knew what happened to men who taunted the volcra.  She knew that even with the armor she’d made, he could die in a thousand different ways. 

So, she called to the fibers making up her cloak and her boots and knit them together with the strongest force she could.  And then she walked into the Shadow Fold.

When she was a girl, she’d learned about a weather phenomenon in Novyi Zem called tornadoes.  She’d been fascinated by it - spiraling columns of wind that could lift an entire barn before smashing it down a mile from where it started.  It was the closest thing she could think of to what she was seeing now.

Wisps of black branches flew in front of her face, sand buffeted her body, and trunks of gray and desiccated trees rolled along the ground moved by an unseen force.  It felt like she was wearing a gray veil over her eyes that turned everything into a dark fog.  How would she ever find Iver in all of this?  She turned around and could no longer see light from where she’d entered this cursed place. She began to walk parallel to where she thought she’d entered, hoping it would enable her to make a quick escape if the volcra found her.  

She thought she heard hoofbeats which made no sense. Iver had walked in, saying he wouldn’t risk the life of even his horse.  Could someone else be in here too?  The wind formed and reformed the sand as it blew past, like a sky that was sped up on a cloudy day.  She thought she saw shapes in it - a dragon? A monstrous bear? And then the buzzing sound of bees filled her eyes so intensely she covered her ears with her hands.  She blinked once, then twice, and then continued on, eyes wide even though the sand was tortuous against them.

She saw Iver before she saw the volcra.  

He didn’t see the volcra at all.

“Behind you!” she yelled, but he startled at the sound of her voice and began to run to her instead of turning to see the threat that was bearing down on him.  The volcra swiped a claw at his back but fell backwards as if it was the clapper and Iver was the bell, solid and made of iron.  Iver stumbled forward and then swung around, quickly dispatching two arrows into the volcra’s neck. 

Another volcra swooped down and he pulled his sword, cutting off one of its claws as it flew close and then throwing it down to reach again for his bow.  The spray of blood covered the front of Inessa’s cloak and she screamed.  And then there were dozens in the swirling dark mass of a sky.  Iver let one arrow fly and then another, felling them as fast as he could.  Inessa ran to him and took the sword from the ground where he’d dropped it, stabbing the volcra that fell in the shifting sands.  She and Iver began to move backwards, toward what she hoped was the edge of the Shadow Fold.  His arrows were running low and her arm was heavy with the weight of the sword.  Each step was like wading through a muddy river with a strong current, the very air tried to grip at her legs and suck her further in.

Finally they tumbled out of the blackness, covered in gray sand and blackened blood.  Inessa fell on her hands and knees, gasping. Iver threw off his helmet and then crawled to her, feeling all over her body for signs of injury.  

“I’m fine, I’m fine,” she whispered but he didn’t seem to hear her.  His hands were on her legs and then her waist, tracing upwards towards her neck and then down her arms.  “I fabrikated my clothes to protect myself.”

“But you had no helmet! No gloves! How could you do that? Why would you risk yourself like that? Have you forgotten what they can do?” He ripped off his gloves and touched his hands to her face. 

“Of course I haven’t forgotten,” she said. “I dream of it often enough.  But I couldn’t lose another to them.  I couldn’t mourn you too.  Don’t make me mourn you too, Iver.”

He gripped her tightly around the shoulders and then crushed her against his chest. “Don’t make me mourn you either.”

There was no sign of their encampment or their horses.  They looked to be on the Ravkan side of the border now.  Inessa could see the familiar spires and golden domes of Ravkan basilicas, the black banners of mourning flapping in the breeze. She shivered, thinking how they looked like volcra.  

“I’ll bring you to your people.”

“Only if you come too.  Only if you stay,” she said, reaching for his hand.

“I’ll do your bidding princess,” he said, and kissed her hand. 

[ao3feed-football]

I feel safe in your arms

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/3Dj355C

by Moodyfairy

It's international cup. The German national team around Jogi Löw has gathered in camp. Joshua has a secret only his captain knows about. - Or Joshua has feelings for Leon and it's more complicated than he thought it might be to confess them

Words: 16511, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English

Fandoms: Men's Football RPF

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: M/M

Characters: Leon Goretzka, Joshua Kimmich, Serge Gnabry, Manuel Neuer, Thomas Müller, Niklas Süle, Bernd Leno, Toni Kroos, Matthias Ginter, Mats Hummels, Other German National Football Team Players

Relationships: Leon Goretzka/Joshua Kimmich, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Thomas Müller/Manuel Neuer, Jonas Hector/Toni Kroos, Benedikt Höwedes/Mats Hummels, Mentioned Bernd Leno/Marc-André ter Stegen, mentioned Lukas Podolski/Bastian Schweinsteiger

Additional Tags: German National Team, Friends to Lovers, Running Away, Idiots in Love, First Kiss, a lot of emotions, Anxiety, international cup, Stress, Misunderstandings?, Hurting because of their feelings, it's honestly way longer than I anticipated, it's also chaotic, no beta we die like women, Alternate Universe - No Girlfriends/No Wives

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/3Dj355C

[ao3feed-grishaverse]

The wars I fought so we could dream.

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2W4MYIF

by BadWolf404

Everything had been too still. Too sweet. Living with Wylan was like a giant taunt from the Saints- and Jesper burned under their microscope.

They had stakes on his fall- He could gamble all he liked- but he was going to pay.

 After the events of Crooked kingdom, Jesper navigates the mystery of a forgotten past as a new face arrives in the Barrel. The Crows wrestle with an ever-changing world and ever-present foes. And ultimately realize they are flies in the web of a Spider's city. A network of evil plagues the Barrel, and everyone's loyalty is called into doubt. Jesper holds the key- but his time is running out.

-(This is a mature story- but will NOT be explicit/graphic- content and trigger warnings will be before every chapter)-

Words: 2542, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other

Characters: Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Colm Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Own characters

Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, OC/OC

Additional Tags: Nonbinary jesper because I said so, Hurt Jesper Fahey, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, (OUCH), Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Torture, Amnesia, BAMF Jesper Fahey, powerful Jesper fahey, POV (mainly jesper), Own characters aren’t main ones, BAMF Inej Ghafa, BAMF Nina Zenik, (because they are), Implied/Referenced Suicide, this will get quite dark but I will add TW’s and CW’s, Wylan needs a hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, kaz needs a break, Happier than it seems…?, Tagging things to be extra careful, No beta we die like Matthias… sorry., Creative license with canon-, will update tags as I go

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/2W4MYIF

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

I was thinking on something hella angsty with Matthias Helvar

Song by Fleurie: hurts like hell.

“I’ve loved, i loved, then lost you”

Like what if reader gets really hurt

Okay, now this, this I think I can do, who knows if I can do it well? Not me, let's find out.

In His Arms - Matthias Helvar

Content Warnings: Gratuitous (Canon Compliant) Violence And Threat. Repetitive Mentions Of Blood And Injury. Mentions Of Death, Depictions Of Near Death. Not Beta/Proof Read.

Part 2

Matthias is covered in blood, it is soaking through his shirt, he would never be able to get the blood out, no matter how hard he tried. But he isn't thinking about the blood on him right now, at least not in relation to him. Every consuming thought running through his brain is about you. You and the blood. The blood and you. Your blood. All of your blood. How it is all over him and not where it supposed to be. Your blood, all your blood. How you won't stop bleeding. You are in his arms and he is watching you bleed out and he feels lost, helpless, never has he felt this helpless, this incapable of doing anything, anything at all.

I've loved

You were lost in the storm, you couldn't feel your bones, but you could feel the cold getting into your open wound. You'd been with Matthias, but you'd lost him between the blizzard and the bear attack. Your arm and your torso had deep slashes that would be bleeding more if you weren't so cold.

You didn't feel yourself hitting the ground, you didn't feel the layers of snow, you didn't know you were dying.

Matthias holds you tighter, and you can feel every movement of his muscles, every tension of his frame. He has held you when you were close to death before, and he had saved you then.

You woke up feeling buried in fur, to realise it was Matthias's coat covering you, keeping you from the death by frost. "You are awake," he said.

"You are here," you said in response. "And I am alive."

"You nearly weren't," he stated, "you nearly got yourself killed."

"I thought you would be long gone," you pulled yourself up enough to feel the bandages on your injuries. Matthias had found you in the snow, carried you somewhere safe and made sure the new safeness wasn't marred by letting you bleed out. You couldn't help but feel you'd misjudged him.

“I’ll stay with you," Mattias said, watching the way you winced as you moved, each step hindered by the pain. "I have concerns that your wounds might open up again.”

"You have concerns?" You teased. "How out of character."

"I have..." he trailed off, realising you were mocking him. "Let me check that cut of yours."

"No," you said, Matthias just stared you down.

"I did not drag you through all that snow and a blizzard to have you die in this cave," he stated. "Show me."

"There's the solider," you smirked, "the Drüskelle."

"Just let me help you, you're insufferable and petulant," he muttered.

"Big words."

"Just let me see the wound."

You feel so cold, both to his touch and inside yourself, you think you're shaking, you feel as if you should be shaking, but your body isn't moving at all. You don't have the energy to shake.

You are lucid enough to hear Matthias call for a healer and despite the pain, despite the resistance, you get a half laugh breaking from your chest. "The Drüskelle calling for a grisha, what a day," you're not sure the words really make it out as intelligible but you hope Matthias can see the humour. He doesn't, which isn't surprising, he rarely does.

He continues calling but you're not sure if anyone can hear him, you're not sure if anyone is around to hear him, to find you both, to help. But he is trying, Saints he is trying.

I loved

"This is," Matthias was searching for words he could not find, how could he possibly explain you? How could he explain who you are? How could he explain what you are to him? Who you'd become to him?

You'd cut him off with your own introduction, and he could see no pain in your expression, no blame for his hesitation. And that hurt him more. He wanted you to be mad at him. But you didn't ever really get mad at him.

There was a secret selfishness in his quiet, it wasn't all the reasons he thought it would be that he struggled to find the words, there was no shame or no disconcerting notions about his feelings for you.

He was stilted because he could not find words that would do it justice, and selfishly, in a type of selfishness he didn't know he had inside him, he wanted this for himself. He wanted you for himself, in the quiet and peace of privacy, where what you both had could just be yours.

"Matthias?"

"I'm with you," he tells you, over and over, words like a prayer.

then lost you

You can feel the blood rising in your throat before you're choking on it. "Hey," the Fjerdan tries, gently shifting your shoulders closer to him, "none of that. You are not allowed to die." His voice is rougher than he would like it to be, the words leave his mouth as more of a set of commands than the pleas they truly are.

"I'm glad," your breath catches but you won't let that stop you, not now, now when you're not sure what time you have left, "that I didn't die, before I got to meet you Matthias."

"You're not dying," Matthias insists, your blood is on the ground now, not just on him, and it reminds him of the way your blood hit the snow when you both got lost in the ice. Your blood had led him back to you, you had lost a lot less of it back then, now you were losing so much if you close your eyes Matthias knows you won't open them again.

"Matthias I am tired," you tell him.

"You changed everything, everything in my life, the whole world it looks different now, it sounds different, it is different, because of you, because you found me, because we found each other. You changed everything for me, and I don't want to go back, I can't go back to what my life was before you, so I need you to not die," Matthias insists, resting his face in the crook of your neck, listening to the sounds of you breathing, knowing how faint it is.

Matthias cannot think straight, he cannot let this be the end, he won't. Not after everything it had taken to be here, to get here. You have both nearly lost one another too many times before and this would not be the last moments he has with you. He will not let it. Your heart is his heart, you life is his life, to lose you would be a fate worse than death and he will not let it happen. He won't.

He can remember the first time he saw you, your annoyed face clear in his mind, you had been disagreeing with him, he cannot remember why now as you've disagreed with him on plenty of things, in gentle ways. Annoyance, but not anger, your anger was reserved for things and not people, for situations and weather and badly cooked meals. He remembers the first time he heard you laugh, your real laugh, not the gentle laugh that is easily conjured upon an instinct, the laugh that nearly winded you, and nearly winded him just the same. He played that laugh over and over in his mind every single day, wanting nothing more than to hear it again, to be able to make you laugh like that. He remembers how soft your hands were as you checked his wounds, and how harsh your gaze was as he insisted on fixing yours. They were smaller wounds then, not minor injuries, they were considerable in their rights, but they were tolerable, they were manageable, not like now. Not like the one that feels like it will be the end of you, it no longer feels like your blood is what is leaving your body, but your life, and he is watching, holding you but not able to hold it together, to hold you together.

"Please," he whispers, unable to manage any more words than that. 'Please don't die. We have made too many plans for me to lose you now.'

You can't hear anything by the time the healer reaches you, you can barely still feel Matthias's hand in your own, but you can see those eyes, those eyes that you see in your dreams as often as in your days, those eyes that have seen you through your worst moments as well as your best. His eyes, that look so scared to lose you, so scared at the idea he would have to continue without you, at the idea that he simply couldn't.

"Matthias," you manage again as the healer starts to mend your torn skin, your broken pieces, trying to keep the blood inside your body where it belongs, you don't feel strong, you don't feel saved, but you can keep your eyes open long enough to see Matthias talking to the healer, asking a million questions and the healer looking half terrified of how badly your hurt and half terrified of the Fjerdan asking for help. "I'm... with you."

Matthias looks back to you, trying to let the healer do their job. "Stay with me," he says. "Stay with me?"

"I'm trying."

[a-literal-supernova]

Chapters: 1/? Fandom: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, Nikolai Series - Leigh Bardugo, The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, David Kostyk/Genya Safin, Nikolai Lantsov/Zoya Nazyalensky, Mal Oretsev/Alina Starkov, Past the Darkling/Alina Starkov, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik Characters: Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, David Kostyk, Genya Safin, Nikolai Lantsov, Zoya Nazyalensky, Mal Oretsev, Alina Starkov, The Darkling | Aleksander Morozova, Jan Van Eck, Alys Van Eck, Colm Fahey, Kuwei Yul-Bo Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - High School, No beta we die like Matthias, but he didn't die in this fic, wylan and kuwei are friends, we hate jan van jerkface, also the darkling, i don't like him sorry, mostly wesper, Background other ships - Freeform, no making fun of wylan's dyslexia because just no Summary:

basically a modern wesper fic, i don't know how many chapters or anything but yah also im sorry about the fic/chapter titles, im not good at naming things and i will take suggestions for better names

[wesper-ao3feed]

Too Sweet

read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/G7xvFEB by Queeeeen_Fenestra Jesper is trying to convince himself he doesn't have a crush on Wylan. He definitely does. Words: 729, Chapters: 1/1, Language: English Fandoms: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo Rating: Teen And Up Audiences Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply Categories: M/M Characters: Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck Additional Tags: Song: Too Sweet (Hozier), Drinking, jesper fahey is in denial, kaz is a little bit of a matchmaker, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, no beta we die like matthias helvar read it on AO3 at https://ift.tt/G7xvFEB

[ao3feed-sixofcrows]

by BadWolf404

Everything had been too still. Too sweet. Living with Wylan was like a giant taunt from the Saints- and Jesper burned under their microscope.

They had stakes on his fall- He could gamble all he liked- but he was going to pay.

 After the events of Crooked kingdom, Jesper navigates the mystery of a forgotten past as a new face arrives in the Barrel. The Crows wrestle with an ever-changing world and ever-present foes. And ultimately realize they are flies in the web of a Spider's city. A network of evil plagues the Barrel, and everyone's loyalty is called into doubt. Jesper holds the key- but his time is running out.

-(This is a mature story- but will NOT be explicit/graphic- content and trigger warnings will be before every chapter)-

Words: 2542, Chapters: 3/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo, Shadow and Bone (TV), The Grisha Trilogy - Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Mature

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con, Underage

Categories: F/F, F/M, M/M, Other

Characters: Jesper Fahey, Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker, Inej Ghafa, Colm Fahey, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Own characters

Relationships: Jesper Fahey/Wylan Van Eck, Kaz Brekker/Inej Ghafa, Matthias Helvar/Nina Zenik, OC/OC

Additional Tags: Nonbinary jesper because I said so, Hurt Jesper Fahey, Hurt/Comfort, Hurt No Comfort, (OUCH), Rape/Non-con Elements, Implied/Referenced Torture, Amnesia, BAMF Jesper Fahey, powerful Jesper fahey, POV (mainly jesper), Own characters aren’t main ones, BAMF Inej Ghafa, BAMF Nina Zenik, (because they are), Implied/Referenced Suicide, this will get quite dark but I will add TW’s and CW’s, Wylan needs a hug, Everyone Needs A Hug, kaz needs a break, Happier than it seems…?, Tagging things to be extra careful, No beta we die like Matthias… sorry., Creative license with canon-, will update tags as I go

[vaguely-concerned]

IN ANTICIPATION OF BIOWARE POTENTIALLY GIVING US A ROMANCE UPDATE IN THE FUTURE: MY PERSONAL ANTHEM ‘SHOULD YOU FUCK’s AS OF RIGHT NOW, ENORMOUS SPOILERS OBVIOUSLY

No really spoilers for Anthem you have been warned

Tassyn: I mean she reads a lot more mom to me, but I’ve seen people be into her so y’know if that floats your boat go ahead. Probably will regretfully yet efficiently murder you if necessary but hey some people are into that I’m not judging. 

Rythe: FUCK YEAH YOU SHOULD FUCK RYTHE! SEXY BAD CHOICES ALL AROUND!!!! *fingerguns*

Owen: Well I love him & would die for him even after the total bullshit he pulls, but to me he feels more like a fuckup little brother, in the grand tradition of Carver and Jowan. So for me personally that’s probably a no, but I can totally see why you would and I respect it. They played their hand too early with him b/c the pacing of the main story is completely off the rails, so I’d love to get more content for him anyway. He’s undeniably hilarious and desperate for affection and can be sweet but he’s also a walking over-caffeinated mess of abandonment issues, deflecting humour and spectacularly bad decisions; will absolutely stab you in the back but tbf you kind of treated him horribly. Even I have to admit that that slouch and slow grin when he sees you in the bar sure was Something, though I’m not entirely sure what. If you were one of those people who inexplicably wanted to kiss Wheatley, lo and behold your time has come.

I would say that if you haven’t previously engaged in the even grander Bioware tradition of getting screwed over in the non-sexy way by your love interest, ala Anders and Solas... step with caution, okay? (If you’ve been here before, seen this room and walked this floor -- you know what you’re doing, I’m not here to insult you by giving you advice like you’re not marching unflinchingly into hell with open eyes yet again, best of luck out there in the trenches comrade)

Dax: Oh hell yeah you should fuck Dax. Strong, beautiful, funny, driven, technically a princess and heir to the throne but so far along in the line of succession now that neither of you have to worry about getting assassinated, probably, will make you excellent and detailed maps one day. Good stuff.

Haluk: No he is my honorary uncle and mentor it would be super weird. He has beautiful eyes tho A fucking plus to Bioware’s art/animation team there

Faye: Also feels like family, like my sister or something, so no. She’s objectively the prettiest girl in the entire game, however, and super smart and kinder than her dumbass friends have any right to expect of her, so if I played a different character: totally.

Brin: ...idk I just sort of get the feeling she’s got other shit to do and wouldn’t welcome it? I’d be her fanfic beta reader tho, which is arguably a greater degree of intimacy anyway ETA: Apparently she’s ace, so definitely doubling down on betaing fic instead!

The Matthiases: Short answer: Probably yeah, if you feel so inclined, it’ll be fun if a bit of a mindfuck. Long answer: GOD PLEASE FUCK THE MATTHIASES, this is literally the reason I made this post, the mechanics of it alone! The Possibilities! Like how would it work? For Science if nothing else, people!

(I know the point of their arcs is kind of that they’re separate people now and romancing all three of them at once is probably not how that would work but honestly when has that ever stopped the smut brain? Never, of course, let’s go)

Do we check our calendars for when we can all manage to get together every time? Do we add the arcanist lady who Sumner could end up dating (of course we do the more the merrier when we’ve let it get to this point)? Do you pick one to fit your mood that day -- Matti for days when you need someone who sounds a little stoned to tenderly look you in the eyes and earnestly tell you you’re a wonderful person, Sumner for rough satisfying stuff but also he can be kind of adorbs?, Erryl for when you want to try some technically challenging kama sutra shit but don’t feel like chatting about feelings? (you know there are books about it in the Anthem universe too and you know he’s always up for an experiment) Would you just pick and mix and would they be chill with that?

Have the three of them together ever, you know. I mean, they live together. They conceivably share a bedroom. They must have -- surely, they’ve at least tried... right? At least once.There’s no way they haven’t. Right? To satisfy Erryl’s intellectual curiosity, if nothing else? Well, it’s something to consider. Fuck them, is what I’m saying, it’ll be an adventure and between the three of them they can give you the time and attention the original Matthias couldn’t b/c he was all arcanisty and self absorbed.  

The Monitor: You Monitor fuckers already know who you are and I’m perfectly aware that neither I nor the hand of god himself could stop you if we wanted to, godspeed you weirdos

Princess Zhim: She’s so beautiful I’m a bit weak in the knees but she made you eat a pheromone sack with disgusting sound effects the first time you met. I mean. If that’s your thing you’re welcome to but that’s a no thanks from me. 

Amal: Nah. He’s such a disastrous ditz he might like frame you for murder one day without even meaning to or realizing. Also the worst kind of actor -- working as a waiter for now until he gets his big break but just you wait one day he’ll be a star and uuuuuugh... listen if you can block out the inane prattle for long enough to enjoy his pretty face all the more power to you, but I don’t have that kind of strength of character

Lucky Jak: Sure, have fun! Boy looks good in a tight sweater and seems nice. ETA: Also actually now that I think about it he could & would totally do all your paperwork for you, literally the dream man, go forth and smooch at will

Kassian: Yes, for no other reason than that I literally thought ‘yeah I’d bang him’ the first time I saw him even though he’s wearing whatever the hell it is he’s wearing on his head, so that’s some serious magnetism he’s got going on there. A little bit of an ‘a freelancer can love a caravan sailor merchant person but where would they live’ situation if you go for a long term thing, but I’m sure you could work something out. “I’d like to kiss you”, “...KS?”, “Nope, that one’s totally true as long as you’d like that too”, honestly the dialogue writes itself

Marl: No. He’s already clearly having some sort of Situation with Gunther and honestly... leave them to it, nothing but madness lies this way

Pirndel: Eh it’ll be deeply unsatisfying, but I bet he practices extremely safe sex. Not the worst choice.

That married couple I can’t remember the names of right now but they’re both spies: They’ve already enough of an unexpected bizarre threesome angle going on and I’m not sure a non-spy is equipped for the mind games enough to not end up dead, let’s not 

Max: Well she also already has a wife, but you never know how they’ve got things arranged. Never hurts to ask.

Commander Vule: Very good voice. Handsome. Stern but fair-ish; you could roleplay by-the-book-cop vs. wild card detective and finally get to yell ‘but I get results, Chief’, maybe hand in your badge and gun while he glowers at you... You know yourself best, my friend, bang or not as you see fit. 

Neeson: No. He will end up wearing your skin as a coat if you let him. Save yourself.

[totallyintentional]

Chapter 2

begin sleep sequence

activating sleep paralysis

autonomous control lock successful

begin diagnostics

immune system 100% efficiency

foreign microorganism level: negligible

injury level: minimal

performing repairs

diagnostics complete

begin sleep cycle

“-were too ambitious without a better energy source. A human heart can’t supply that much power.”

“People are already up-in-arms, do you know what would happen if we did this and it got out that they had no hearts?”

“It’s basically just a blood pump, why-”

“Yeah, to you and me, we’re no poets.”

“But-”

“Alright, I know it would be easier, but let’s take three days to look into integration, okay? We can spare three days.”

“… Three days, then we try replacement.”

REM efficiency 0.82

end sleep cycle

terminating sleep paralysis

end sleep sequence

STATUS: SUCCESS

clearing log

I am on my feet approximately 0.73 seconds after waking.

“Morning, Beta!” I hear Matthias chirping from the common room. “Breakfast is on the table!”

I come out of my room and am greeted by a fresh fuel cell and nutritional injection. And a bagel.

“Is this a joke?” I ask, gesturing towards the bagel.

“It’s part of the standard hunter breakfast package. Not everyone is missing their digestive system, and they like to feel full.”

“And they went with plain bagels?” I grab the nutritional injection and peel back the synthetic skin on my abdomen. I eject the old vial, pop the new one into place, and reseal my stomach. I wouldn’t normally do that in front of someone else, but I don’t feel much need for modesty since Matthias just confirmed that he knows about even my less conventional modifications.

“Filling and cost-efficient.”

“Why worry about cost-efficiency in food considering-”

“How much they spend on literally everything else? You should see how much food someone using a calorie charger needs. It’s a lot of bagels.”

“Bullshit.”

“Probably.”

“So you know all of my mods?”

“Yep, all that you have, and don’t have,” he laughs, “For instance, I know you still have your-”

“That’s enough,” I cut in, “Christ, keep in mind that from my perspective I don’t know you.”

He shrugs, chuckling.

I press the fuel cell to my chest and feel it heat up as it starts the inductive charge. Warm air sighs out of my vents, keeping my batteries cool. I can feel my heart beating against the pressure. Good to know I’m not dead yet.

I change the subject.

“How long was I out for?”

“Last night or cryo? Because one of those questions is classified.”

Well, never mind then. My silence answers his question.

“Sorry, I have to withhold information that’s been proven to distress hunters.”

“What can you tell me then?”

“That your appointment’s coming up soon? Wow, did you know that your circuits turn red when you’re irritated?”

My circuits get a little more red.

“Sorry, not funny, I get it. Ask me questions, and I’ll answer, albeit possibly with just ‘classified.’”

“Why am I awake?”

“Stuff you need to hunt.”

“How long have we been working together?”

“That’s open to philosophical debate. Technically one day, since neither of us remembers working with each other before.”

“You don’t remember… How can you be an intelligence guy?”

“I was woken up with you. We’re a unit. The difference between us is that I had to review our old scenarios to make sure I was still able to advise you well. You’ll be happy to know I’m hitting 82% accuracy on our old scenarios. 91% in general.”

“So I will die in 1 of 10 cases.”

“No, just not necessarily the optimal solution. Don’t worry, your chance of death - at my advice - is near zero. Besides, my records show I had a way lower score before, and you’re still here. You should be happy.”

As if on cue, a click from the fuel cell indicates full charge. I leave it on the table and stand to go back to my room.

“Don’t think I didn’t notice the ‘at my advice.’”

He grins. “Notice also that I said death and not maiming.”

I go back to my room and start prepping my exoskeleton. Nothing quite like some morbid humor to get me doing all of my safety checks.

I catch my reflection in a mirror as I finish up my checks. It is the strangest feeling of deja vu, recognizing myself with no memory of having seen myself before. I take a moment to appreciate my body, or what could be referred to as ‘what’s left of it.’

My right arm is the only limb remaining that I was born with. The other three are heavily mechanized prosthetics, almost animalistic in appearance, designed for strength and destructive power. The artificial portions of my body are covered in matte black synthetic skin, no resources wasted on aesthetics. My core is partially artificial - most of my superfluous organs have been removed to make room for more machinery. Vital systems were replaced by smaller, more efficient artificial equivalents, leaving space for a cooling system, batteries, even a small pod of emergency supplies. Most of the musculature is still reinforced organic - from the outside, it looks like a stripe of black synthetic going down my left side from the shoulder to meet that of my legs. My back looks almost human, although bulkier from a lot of spinal reinforcement, and the cooling vents like gills on my ribs.

All of my remaining organic skin is far from normal, striped with cooling and circuitry. The only part of me that looks mildly unaltered is my face, save my eyes.

My eyes are the one piece of machinery that they bothered to try keeping aesthetically human. A metallic sheen to the irises and some faint silver markings hiding additional sensors are the only differences.

I slip on my exoskeleton, feeling it conform to all of the remaining organic portions of my body. With my helmet on I look like a mechanized humanoid monster, part animal, part machine. To use an Old World slang term, it’s pretty ‘badass.’ My visual interface comes on, and I see that Matthias has already loaded directions to the lab.

“You coming?” I ask.

His voice responds through the comms. “No, I wouldn’t be able to keep up. You know where to find me though.” He taps the mic to emphasize his point.

The Hunter’s Bunker is a ghost town. Calcified fragments of machinery, trophies of old battles, are displayed in glass cases lining the walls of the hallway. My footsteps echo on the stone floor - hardwood couldn’t handle the weight of hunter augs. I pick up speed, the doors opening far ahead of me.

I’m hitting 40mph by the time I hit the door.

I’m hitting 60mph as I turn towards the lab.

I can hear the wind whistling past as I come into my stride. Hard to believe that 24 hours ago I had been frozen solid and comatose.

[ao3feed-grishaverse]

Only For You

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/36tAbkL

by brycemaloliver

‘Make sure they teach you something useful over there,’ Kaz rasped, both his hands tightly wrapping around the crow’s head on his cane.

‘Why, because I’m such a valuable investment?’ Jesper teased, looking down at Kaz next to him. Only then did he see that Kaz was not wearing his gloves. His slim, lockpick fingers were the most beautiful thing Jesper had ever seen, and it took great effort from him not to stare.

‘Not because you’re an investment. I… care about your wellbeing,’ Kaz managed to get out, his knuckles turning white from squeezing his cane so hard. ‘You know you were never just an investment to me, right?’

Jesper couldn’t help but smile, this was probably the most open and caring Kaz had been in years. ‘Yes I know Kaz, thank you.’

  Kaz and Jesper try to make a relationship work and work hard to love each other.

Words: 4211, Chapters: 1/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Six of Crows Series - Leigh Bardugo

Rating: Mature

Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply

Categories: M/M

Characters: Kaz Brekker, Jesper Fahey, Inej Ghafa, Wylan Van Eck, Nina Zenik, Matthias Helvar, Jordie Rietveld (mentioned)

Relationships: Kaz Brekker/Jesper Fahey, Minor Nina Zenik/Matthias Helvar - Relationship

Additional Tags: Touch-Averse Kaz Brekker, Haphephobia, Eventual Smut, New Relationship, mlm, learning to love, Post-Canon, Emotional Baggage, Jesper is working on his durast abilities, Canon-Typical Violence, Arguing, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Kaz Brekker Needs a Hug, no beta we die like men, Matthias Helvar Lives, Self-Esteem Issues, Kaz Brekker-centric, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Jesper is basically Inej in this story except for the backstory

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/36tAbkL

[wh0refornikolailantsov]

Prompt: “I can’t believe you!”

For Matthias x Reader please!!

BABE I LOVE YOU BUT MY WRITING SKILLS ARE LIMITED AND I DON'T KNOW IF I DO MATTHIAS JUSTICE. BUT HERE I GO TRYING ANYWAY

How Do I Do This? - Matthias Helvar

Content Warnings: Jealousy By Oliva Rodrigo Plays LOUDLY In The Background. Not Proof/Beta Read, We Die Like... Well...

"Long coat, green shirt," Jesper says, not looking up from the drink he is holding in his hand.

"I really think I'm not the best suited to this task," you argue.

"It's some slight of hand, that's all, you've got this, besides if you get yourself into trouble, I've got your back, that's what I am here for," Jesper assures you. But that doesn't feel the most reassuring. When Kaz said he was sending you in with backup, you'd pictured Inej, or maybe Rotty. It's not that you didn't have faith in the sharpshooter, it's more that you were aware of just how easily he got distracted.

"Jesper, does it have to be tonight?" You ask, weighing up the inconvenience you'll cause to Kaz with the possible negative outcomes of this mission.

"Come on, I've got you covered, the chances of him noticing you at all are low, and the chances of this going wrong, so unlikely."

So naturally things went wrong.

"I can't believe you," Jesper laughs, as you both saddle up to the side of the slat. Laughing enough that you're short of breath. Kaz and Matthias are stood by the door, which surprises you, Matthias hasn't been free long, and his dislike of Kaz hasn't lessened at all. He usually stays as far away from the Demjin as possible. But, you assume, he was waiting for you, just like Kaz is.

"It was a panic response," you say quickly.

"It was a stroke of genius, and a long shot but it was brilliant," Jesper says.

"You took longer than expected," Kaz says, voice flat.

"Ran into unexpected difficulties," you explain.

"Radmakker, caught our little light hands here before the approach," Jesper says. Kaz throws you a look, uncertain as to how you're standing in front of him if you got pinched before the job was even really started.

"You wouldn't be smiling if you failed," Kaz points out, "you've got enough sense for that."

"Turns out Radmakker, has got a type," Jesper says grinning, teeth on display as he looks back to you.

"I flirted, he flirted, he put his hands on me, I picked his pocket, he left to buy me a drink, I just left," you explain. You feel Matthias's gaze on you, heated.

He doesn't mean to be angry, he cannot justify the fact that he is. His feelings for you have been complicated for a long time. And he has tried to bury them, to rationalise them away, but nothing has worked. He feels spelled by you, and he does not want to look too closely at that thought. It makes him feel confused in ways he hasn't known before. There are things he was convinced he could never do, would never do, that no amount of circumstance could put him in a corner to which he would bend against the rules and routine he was raised to believe in. Yet he would do them all for you in a heartbeat.

You were not the kind of person he should be feeling this way about, he knew that, he knows that, and yet when you stand in front of him, smile still on your lips from a job well done, a job that he is trying not to think too much about, a job that had you pressed up against a mark and all doe-eyed for the performance, he feels like something is going to break.

"Well, as long as you got what we needed," Kaz says simply, showing no sign that he is disappointed or impressed, there is no way in telling which way the wind will blow when it comes to Kaz Brekker. "Then I suppose that's a job done and the rest of the night is your own."

Kaz wastes no time with pleasantries or goodbyes and turns around, cane tapping on the stone as he walks. Jesper tries to sway you into getting a drink with him, but the look in Matthias's eye makes you smile politely and send the sharpshooter away.

“I can’t believe you!” Matthias says, voice tight, not waiting for Jesper to be entirely out of view.

"Look I got the job done," you explain.

"At what cost, you put yourself in a bad situation," he says. You roll your eyes.

"I've been around the barrel long enough to know what type of man I can handle and what type I can't," you retort.

"What if he had kept pursuing you?"

"He didn't."

"What if he did."

"I would've handled it."

"How?"

"However I saw fit Matthias," you say, voice snapping slightly with irritation.

"And if he had tried to kiss you?" He asks.

"No one is trying to kiss me Matthias."

"Plenty are thinking about it, I can see it, and I bet he was no different," Matthias folds his arms over his chest. You can see he isn't mad at you, not really. He was worried and more noticeably he is jealous.

"Matthias Benedik Helvar," you say, staring into those icy blue eyes of his, holding your ground without hesitation, "are you... jealous?"

"I was trained Drüskelle," he reminds you, as if the muscular stature, the tall stance and the assured pride he holds himself with would let you forget. "There is no place for jealousy in a warrior."

"You are jealous," you say and try not to laugh. "That's... interesting."

"It is not," he says, "because I am not jealous, I am concerned."

"Concerned?" you ask. He gives a slight nod, trying to keep himself as composed as he can, trying to look like that soldier he once was, unphased by it all. "Okay, I appreciate your concern but it's entirely unfounded. I can handle myself."

"You shouldn't have to," he responds. Had those words fallen from another man's lip you might have hit them for it, but this was Matthias, you knew Matthias, better than you cared to admit, better than he would likely like you to know him. This wasn't coming from a place of judgement of your capability, but instead of a place of care, a care that was hard to come by, especially growing up in the barrel.

“If anybody were to kiss me, I would want that person to be you," you say trying to make the sentence seem as casual as possible. "So no one else need bother."

Matthias's eyes snap down to meet yours and you look up at him, like a painting, unwilling to give anything away, completely unchanged. "You say things," he says.

"I do," you admit, giving him a nod, "and right now, I am going to continue to say things, like how I think you should kiss me."

"You are insufferable," Matthias says, his eyes flicker to your lips. There is a smugness that grows in your lips and you look away, feeling like you've won something.

"But you thought about it wolf boy," you say, "and you won't stop thinking about it now."