#no but for real somebody get that casting director a raise

[samwpmarleau]

for fans of “jamie doesn’t even have his own name,” i present: “jamie doesn’t even have his own face”

[safiyahisms]

(  ayo edebiri,  cis woman,  she/her  )  —  🎬  just  announced,  SAFIYAH  ADEYEMI  has  been  cast  as  PHOEBE  BUFFAY  in  the  upcoming  FRIENDS  reboot.  the  twenty  seven  year  old  is  trending  as  people  are  debating  if  the  permanent smile on your face, accidentally posting to your public story instead of your close friends, overcompensating to hide any insecurities, mumbling different deliveries before the director yells action  that  they  are  known  for  is  enough  to  make  them  as  good  as  original.  a  quick  google  search  shows  that  their  fans  call  them  jovial,  but  internet  trolls  think  they’re  more  scatterbrained.  i  guess  their  newest  interview  for  variety  where  they  talk  about  how her high school drama teacher accompanied her to her first audition  will  let  people  know  them  better.

BACKGROUND:

born and raised in portland oregon

smack dab in the middle of seven kids. three older, three younger. there weren't supposed to be seven of them-- in fact, safiyah was supposed to be the final one. the other three... well... oops ?

being in the middle of seven was extremely difficult. all children need attention to thrive, but safiyah needed it desperately.

before her younger brother was born, safiyah would take dance classes. she had lots of fun in them, and always enjoyed the rush of performing in front of an audience.

she was seven when her brother was born, which meant all the time ( and money ) allotted for her extra curricular were no longer available.

although the classes stopped, that didn't mean her performances stopped. she would sign up for the talent show every year, planning her next routine.

safiyah has always been a Media Consumer™️ . as a kid, she was glued to the tv when the proud family and that's so raven were on tv. as she got older, she joined her older siblings as they watched moesha, living single, and girlfriends.

living with such a big family, you had to have a quick wit. you had to be able to take it, but also be able to give it. to this day, she's always credited her family for her sense of humor.

she'd always been an extrovert, and as she grew up and everyone grew into understanding social situations, it was clear safiyah was also very AWKWARD. an extrovert, but sometimes struggles to form a coherent sentence.

while her personality often felt buried at home, it shined bright at school. safiyah wasn't popular, by any means, but she easily picked up the role as the class clown. every report card said ' DECENT STUDENT. TALKS TOO MUCH. NEEDS TO TAKE THINGS SERIOUSLY.'

once she entered the after school drama program in middle school, her whole world seemed to open up. being on the stage, reading lines... it all made her feel so alive. the rush being in front of others, acting as if she was somebody else... well, it was nice to have all eyes on her when that wasn't the case at home.

after joining drama, her dreams expanded. every time she watched a movie or a tv show ( hell, even a commercial ), she dreamed of seeing herself on a screen. any screen.

once she learned about casting calls, she'd always kept her eye on ones she might fit. she always tried to convince her family to take her ( ' it's only a fifteen hour drive ! ' ), but they always told her no.

it wasn't until her drama club's class trip to los angeles her junior year that safiyah was able to attend her audition, with her drama teacher posing as her manager. she didn't get the role, or even a callback, but she couldn't believe she had actually pulled it off. a real audition !

it was that day that she decided to look at colleges in southern california area. it seemed to be the only way to get herself there. did the idea of an incredibly high student debt scare her ? absolutely. but, in her eyes, it was the only way to even get close to her dreams.

once she moved to california, she'd slowly started booking commercials and web shows. it wasn't much, but they were jobs. she knew she couldn't complain.

those, along with a couple other jobs were able to keep her afloat for awhile. she always seemed to become runner up in auditions, but never could seem to land a lead role. she was getting guest starring roles here and there, but was really hoping for at least a recurring role. however, once she turned twenty-four(? idk shooting schedules im making an educated guess here 🤓), she'd landed a role in the friends reboot. and as her favorite friend, at that.

so, she's taking things one day at a time ! happy as a clam to have a consistent job.

PERSONALITY:

phd in yapping ! never knows when to stop talking

impostor syndrome to the max. knows she's funny, but doesn't think she's all that funny.

sees herself as the feminine nick miller. insecure, but confident. doesn't know how to process emotions. very awkward.

after shooting every season, she prays and manifests a renewal announcement.

very disorganized . loses things often

can never seem to post things to her close friends on instagram ... luckily its just her being stupid and not anything shady ! one of these days she'll make a finsta

ok uhhhhhhhh def couldve written more but am getting tired and just wanted to post this !!!!!! if u read all of this mwah xoxo ty for reading

[evelyne-am]

April 4, 2023

day 22.

Remember when I said that Sir didn’t say a single word after our run through. Even though it was real shit, he just told us to have a good weekend. But I knew in my heart as everyone else did, that there was more to that, and that we found out as soon as we entered in our fourth week. Sir has been in a horrible mood because he hais revealed that that Run broke his heart and now he wants to change everything again. This will be the 5th change, and the third draft. I don’t know who read this but our first draft was so different with multiple first persons, I second draft was one first person and three third person is describing it. Second draft also included switching the protagonist from different ages so somebody would play the young age and somebody would play older. in the third version I did have a small speaking role, the smallest one but I was playing it for the purpose of rehearsal for the past two weeks. But today it is announced that the Messyness of multiple roles and multiple dialogues is getting too much he is cutting it out to be simpler and and the multiple actors for one role is possibly going to be cut. Before the acting and casting things happen, though, Sir changes the entire choreography that we have been working all over the last couple of weeks but actually we were almost getting down. Remember the Burpee‘s thing that’s already gone don’t know if that’s good or bad I was kind of getting fond of it. But God damn do I love it when he changes things. I get to see how his mind works when he adds suctracts and move things around. The intro is now absolutely stunning and lovely and subtle and beautiful. Spoiler alert, the first person you will see on stage is me. As we are doing the entering sequence The director is reminding me without saying anything that there were issues raised when I opted in for the play. Two things were mentioned about me being able to be in the cast; number one my posture, I have absolutely horrible posture something that I’m so ashamed of. 2 number is my pronunciation because Bangla is not my first language, but having said that I have been singing this language my whole life, even though I don’t read and write so fluently I do know how to pronounce words on stage and so I think that part is not the issue. But Sir asked me if I am to be the first person the audience sees walking onto that stage if I can retain my straight posture for the duration of the entire opening sequence which is very long. I of course say yes, and I take it as a challenge to myself to make sure that every moment of the opening sequence anyone stares at me. In fact every moment of that play anyone stares at me they will not know that I am actually hunched in person. I am painfully aware that the new changes means that many of us will be cut from our speaking scenes. The two young girls who are playing the young girl roles are not doing very well today, one of them burst of tears when Sir was point-blank asking her to commit. The other one passed into tears when she was unable to do something that he was repeatedly asking her to do. The problem with that is that Tears are a very natural reaction to biologically female beings however in a work situation it really is not acceptable. So the director was not being able to accept it, but these young girls for the lack of a better world I think this generation, is an able to take Harher commands. What happened was due to the two of them messing up, sir I got angry and said the play will be done by one person per character only. That kind of implies that my small part is also given to the protagonist who will do the play like a monologue. But truthfully as sad as I was to have that in the inevitable reality, watching him change the play so absolutely beautifully is even more thrilling than being sad about me not making a big theatrical debut.

Despite my wondrous ways of looking at this production, some of the girls were feeling very disheartened because the director was really unhappy with the way things are fairing so vibe at rehearsal is very tense right now. A part of me realises that because I have a small role I don’t have a lot of feedback, so maybe I don’t understand what they are going through, but another part of me thinks that This is what I do best, not take work things personally not take fame and fortune personally but value the art value the talent value the creation and value the absolute magic of being able to do something like this. And I feel really blessed, maybe it is because I have achieved other things that another’s eyes have deemed successful, but I don’t feel anything I’ve done is achievement worthy yet I am yet to set my actual stage. I’m still learning. And I think that’s why I can enjoy this life in this career because I know that I’m not at my peak. Wrote my first poem since I started and shared it with M, she seems to really like her. There we are so different we do share that similar passion to give up everything for work. And so we are becoming closer.

Ps this is my front door now.

[korships]

. not irl negative ! just under a cut cus not put together. just more sad/analytical omi thoughts. mentions of suicidal ideation/bad dads/other sad things.

sorry having omi thoughts

conflicted on the idea of whether omi would want kids or not turned mini essay on the Man of all time

in regards to omi having kids it’s obvious he would be a great parent but im undecided whether i think he would want kids or not. he’d be so terrified of the trauma of either him or s/i dying like his mother did, and he already kinda did his time doing a good chunk of the raising of his little brothers.

like we saw how how low he got after his best friends death i dont think he could handle going through grief like that again especially with so much on the line like raising a family, he’s terrified of that grief again and he’s terrified that grief could cause him to distance himself from any family (sorta like he did w the wolves).

omis survivors guilt is fucking insane and he consistently (at least near the beginning of a/3) struggled with the idea of him being “worthy” of the one to live the crash. a lot of his behavior is compensatory for the “crime” of surviving the incident.

he saw himself as somebody with no real ambitions or dreams, making him, in his mind, unworthy of surviving compared to nachi who had aspirations. imo, his main driving emotion near the beginning of the story is not grief as much as guilt. he has multiple lines wondering if everyone would be better off without him, iirc theres one where director calls him a good person and hes like “i wonder..” in a sorta dismissive way. there were points where you could interpret his lines or thoughts as passively suicidal. he took on his dead best friends dream, to live it for his dead best friend (until he started enjoying it as omi and not just a proxy for a dead friend). his guilt complex is also very very obvious based on his nightmares about the crash (iirc, nachi tells him he shouldve died instead, etc.) in the anime it’s reflected in some sequences where he alludes to acting “recently becoming a dream of his” he touches his chin, drawing attention to the scar. in the stage adaptation they portrayed the nightmares as hallucinations instead (prob due to the limitations of the stages settings and backdrops). he’s also like super, super terrified of juza disliking him in any capacity, in canon he admits it scares him because of the similarities between juza and nachi.

his grief mirrors what little we know of his fathers grief after his mother died. his father neglected homemaking and emotional aspects of parenting, opting to compensate the only way he knew how by earning the money (idr if it was stated omis dad worked extra hours/through himself into work to avoid his grief but i think my idea stands anyways). on the flip side, omi has dealt with two major grievances in his life. his mother, which he didn’t necessarily have the time to grieve because he was put in charge of raising his younger brothers both emotionally and doing homemaking. and his best friend, a best friend that symbolized a freedom for omi, away from the responsibilities of raising children as a child himself. he lost what should have been a symbol of stability and responsibility, and a symbol of freedom and bonds. giving him a messed up idea of friendship where he feels like he constantly has to question his own worth around people who provide him with a sense of stability, responsibility, freedom, and close bonds.

i know a/3s large cast makes it impossible to focus on one character unless its their turn of a focused event BUT im a little sad how this all gets shoved to the side in favor of malewife omi (which dont get me wrong, love him for that. but his love language as cooking was created out of necessity to feed his brothers and continues from not the healthiest thought process. even though throughout the story it has become his fun little thing and its genuinely something he likes doing for those he cares for), like.. have we heard any mentions of his nightmares since the stranger even. he has ptsd, even if its not canon, he definitely has it. in akebono-so they show that his healing hasnt been linear and i just want more of that. we know hes made a lot of progress, but hes such a complicated character compared to what a/3 does with him sometimes.

anyways thx for reading my ‘essay’. i was originally just wanting to think of fankids but this is what it turned into

[evarcana]

I See the Moon

Oh when you are looking at the sun

Ev wears some very impractical shoes and learns that she does not know the city quite as well as she thought.

characters: the usual cast of Ev and consul Valerius

words: 2,4k

warnings: none!

notes: I wanted to write something short and sweet to act as a placeholder between the previous part and what is coming next, but I think I got a bit too emotionally attached in the process. The title is from “Be the One” by Dua Lipa and I will leave it open for interpretations.

Darkness strikes Ev’s eyes as she steps out of the theatre doors and for a moment she is completely lost in time and space, staring at her surroundings as if seeing everything for the first time - the disorientation which comes with returning to reality after the magic of the theatre wears off.

A few myopic street lanterns glimmer faintly and the moon, pitched extraordinarily high, is covered by the ragged organza of thin clouds and barely available to light the streets below. Passing groups of people turn into clusters of dark silhouettes, and Ev watches the collars being lifted and scarfs wrapped tighter, as the theatregoers hide themselves from the wind moist with the cool evening dew and disappear into the shadows, leaving only trails of soft footsteps and animated chatter behind them. It is this time of the year when night falls suddenly and way quicker than anyone anticipates.

The impatient tug on Ev’s arm cuts through the hazy darkness. “Are you going to let me leave or what?!” Valerius sounds desperate in his exasperation.

“Just a moment and you are free.” Still watching the dark street, Ev reaches for her bag and throws a pair of flat pointy mules decorated with golden beads and tassels on the ground in front of her. Using Valerius’s arm for support, she lifts one leg to untie the ribbons on her ankle. Somebody behind them helpfully holds the theatre door open, letting the light out, and they both stare at Ev’s bright red toenails as she steps out of her shoes. Ev frowns to herself and curls her toes - it is hard to be an intimidating opponent when you wear a cute sparkly little ring on your fourth toe, when she feels another tug and catches her breath in surprise, losing her balance. The arm slips from under her hand causing her to immediately crash into Valerius. Well, no chance of looking like a menace now. At least Valerius can’t run away, she thinks, because her entire face is smashed into his chest. “So impatient,” Ev rolls her eyes and tucks her heels in the bag.

Valerius hurries to brush off something invisible from his coat and then looks down at Ev’s feet with cynical interest, “Going on a hike?”

She contemplates telling that it took her a very detoured walk from the palace and four nervous circles around the Town Square to finally burn all that destructive energy her body generated in their morning argument, and that right now she is dying to rub her sore ankles, but decides against it. After all, wounded animals are easy prey. “Looks like it,” Ev says, shifting her weight from one foot to another. She scans the road once again and clicks her tongue. There is a carriage pulling away, two people inside, and another one rolling on towards the theatre, the coachman already waving to somebody, but most of the theatre crowd chooses to walk. They all must be locals, or heading to the closest tavern, Ev realises.

“Don’t tell me, -” Valerius’s voice says and Ev looks up, surprised that he is still standing there, “you don’t have a carriage because you were hoping to find a date to continue the night. You shall forgive me for ruining this little plan of yours.” His words are dripping with distaste.

She realises that Valerius must have been following her eyeline. The nervous lough blasts out of her but she manages to catch it and it turns to sound like a cough. A lucky guess on his part? Or did he take inspiration from his own plans? Ev refuses to think about the whole theatre fiasco. The sinking feeling in her chest has started and she puts her hands on her hips in annoyance. “I thought there would be carriages waiting,” she manages to say.

Valerius arches his brow in response, “...how pathetic.” Ev gives him her best withering look and turns away.

The last carriage departs with the din of wheels hitting the worn edges of the stones. Valerius’s eyes are still set on Ev’s face and his brow begins to crease slowly. He is clearly deliberating something but Ev cannot see it. She is watching clouds moving slowly across the moon. “Where do you live?”, he finally asks.

“By the Town Square,” Ev responds automatically, squinting at the sky above her.

“Not in the Heart District?” It sounds like a genuine question at first but the edge of his mouth lifts in a wry grin. “Didn’t you say I wasn’t the only one with the money here?”

“Too close to you,” she smirks back, “the urge of leaving a dead fish by your gate at least weekly would be -,” she leans in closer, turning her voice into syrupy sweet hush, “- irresistible”. This is getting weird. “Anyway,” Ev hurriedly looks behind her shoulder at the theatre doors, “I think it is going to rain later. Have a good night,” the words come in a flat orderly row, she is already concerned with something else, “I will see whether the theatre director can fetch me a carriage.”

“My carriage is waiting down the road.”

“Mm good,” Ev mutters to herself but then the realisation hits and she turns to the consul, eyes wide. “Are you offering me a lift home?” A ‘thank you’ sign lights inside her head but she crashes it with a wave of suspicion. It’s Valerius out of all people. He has no reason to offer her a ride in his carriage besides plotting to murder her and then ditch the body somewhere in the forest. Ev gives him a hard stare.

Valerius breaks the staring game first - his eyes flash with the new unidentified emotion before he regains his usual dismissive look. “Not home,” he snorts, “to the Town Square,this should suffice for a favour.”

“No no, hold on,” Ev raises her hand in protest. “I haven’t asked you anything yet, and hospitality is not a favour.”

“What hospitality are you talking about?”

“You repeat that it is your city all the time! Technically, I am still a guest.” Inside her head Ev is thanking all the available gods for her ability to just keep talking, regardless of whether it makes sense or not, because she definitely has not processed what happened yet.

“Yes, well, just keep your mouth shut,” Valerius says and walks off without a backward glance, his back soon disappearing in the darkness of the narrow lane.

Ev’s eyes follow his path and then she throws another look at the theatre building. The light in one of its rounded windows goes down. She watches the emptying street and feels the goose bumps scatter her forearms. The air is beginning to chill. She looks down at her feet. Ev decides that the consul is the kind of man who would rather pay somebody if he wanted to get rid of her than being involved himself and for the second time this evening she rushes after Valerius. This is so weird.

She is about to call him out to slow down because the sound of duck feet that her ‘emergency’ shoes make is getting on her nerves when she hears a loud thud and a curse. In the darkness of the path Ev is not sure how close Valerius is to her but she knows that he stumbled and it makes her giggle in delight. She stretches her hand out glancing at the strips of warm candlelight coming from the gaps in the window shutters and the ivory glare of the moon. A small globe of light, the size of a plum, forms above her hand. Its light is delicate and warm, as if filtered through the frosted glass, but bright enough to fill the space between the two of them.

The consul straightens up quickly, “Why -”

“I don’t know about you but I like my toes all intact,” Ev walks over to him. “It’s only a small trick, here,” she raises her hand and the light gets brighter, “you can touch it, it’s not hot.”

Valerius takes a step back, looking at the ball of light suspiciously. “You are full of tricks, aren’t you?” he says.

“Don't even make me start on what you are full of.” She bunches her hand in a fist and the light sphere drops down but, before hitting the ground, it bounces back in the air like a small ball and splits into a dozen of smaller lights, startling Valerius. They hover in the air along the path similar to a garland of lanterns as they walk in silence until the lane ends, opening to the canal, and Ev asks, “Is it your carriage there?”

***

The servant opens the carriage door and much to Ev’s astonishment, Valerius waits for her to get in first. She gives him a confused look but complies. There is no evening chill inside and the cushioned seats are invitingly soft, so Ev’s immediately decides that regardless of what is going to happen it was a good idea not to walk home. Valerius takes a seat opposite her and reaches to unbutton his coat and pull his long loose braid from under the collar. His head rolls gently to the side and Ev sees a couple of inches of the neck, soft lines and the glowing skin. She feels her cheeks beginning to heat, suddenly remembering the warmth and the bitter almond fragrance she breathed in every time she got too close to the man, and gods did she get too close tonight.

This is about as far from the real world as Ev can imagine. The carriage is small and the little triangle of her beaded slipper somehow ended up between the consul’s leather boots. If she was to stretch her leg, the bareskin on the side her foot would brush along his shin. They have never sat this close together. Ev thinks about the old lady from the theatre. How would she feel if she knew that she was the only thin barrier stopping them from recognising each other and fully succumbing to the mutual hostility, claiming at least half of the theatre as casualties in the process. This could have been a disaster.

Ev looks at Valerius again and tries to understand how could she not recognise these features straight away. The signature crease between the dark brows and the sulky mouth. Valerius sits in silence, and his eyes are definitely not the ones she knows. They are so wistful and lonely, and so golden under the lamp light, Ev has to look away.

She puts a hand under her chin and leans to the window. A fine mist of rain has started to grit on the glass, and behind the sparks of its tiny drops - a bridge arches over the canal’s silver curve, both ends of which are clipped by infinity, which, in the dim light of the early night, is only ten feet away. The backdrop is all in flashes of the lit windows and the black outlines of pointed rooftops, round cupolas and slender towers, all together resembling a crown adorned by a single grand jewel of the moon, burning bright white. Then, the skyline and even the moon gets momentarily obscured by the huge wall, deprived of any lights, looking ghostly in the tempered gloom.

“That massive rounded building, what is it?” Ev is surprised with herself for striking a conversation.

“Have you not seen it before?”

“No, I have not really been to this part of the city,” she says, turning to Valerius, “What is it? A hippodrome?”

“It's the coliseum. The count’s favourite place,” he gives a chuckle which sounds bitter. “The man loved... performances.”

“What kind of performances?” Ev asks, watching his mouth twisting in distaste. Something about his look makes her frown.

“Gladiators. Bloodshed which lacked any order or purpose besides the count’s own entertainment,” Valerius rubs the bridge of his nose and glances to the window. Ev cannot tell whether he is looking at the moon or the looming coliseum, considering something. “But it’s not what this place was intended for,” he pauses. He turns back to Ev and the expression in his eyes is softer. “It was built before Lucio became a count, although it was slightly less grand back then. The rituals and ceremonies were conducted there during the festivities and the previous count used to reenact scenes of the famous battles there, using the actors. It brought the whole city together. Nobody wants to remember those days anymore.”

Ev feels a weird tremble inside and she is not sure what has caused it until she realises that it is a strange, unusual affection in his voice. She crosses her arms and seats back to contain the feeling. It’s so freaking strange to talk to him when his face is not a mask of boredom. “Did you use to come to watch?” she asks.

“Only when I had to. As if I would mix myself with the roaring crowd of plebeians. Besides, it was terribly distatestful and the smell inside was disgusting.” His mouth tightens, and a strange shadow clouds his expression this time. “Pointless waste of human life.”

“Oh,” is all Ev can manage. She cannot stop staring at Valerius. There is some kindness beneath this asshole facade, human decency, fairness even. It is not the perspective that she has been prepared for. “I meant before that,” she adds faintly.

“Yes I did, when I was much younger.”

“I cannot believe I have never heard of it.”

“Did you do any research before you came here?” The consul is back to his dismissive tone.

“Honestly? I had other things to worry about.” Ev turns back to the window, suddenly unable to look at him anymore.

She hears an irritated snort from Valerius but then, after a brief silence, he starts talking again, and it is not about Ev’s inadequacy. He talks about the canals named after constellations, traditions which Vesuvia used to have, and what you could find in the city before the plague. His voice is calm and steady, and has this velvet quality to it, which fits the night perfectly. Ev closes her eyes and thinks that maybe if she asked Valerius, as that favour she got from him, to continue his stories sitting by her bedside, she would finally be able to fall asleep before the sunrise.

[smutbymia]

Can I request a smut where y/n is Jaehyun's ex and they become successful by their own.One day they met at an award show or red carpet or something and Jaehyun just regret it.Thankyou 😚

Jaehyun stood with his group members in a line, posing for the flashing lights that shuttered from the dozens of cameras lined up behind the barricade in front of them. They were styled to perfection for the night, in preparation for their red carpet appearance at the Oscars. After participating in the soundtrack of a nominated film, the boys of NCT 127 found themselves attending the most prestigious film event of the year -- something they hadn’t thought they’d ever get the opportunity to do. 

They each had smiles plastered across their faces as they slowly shifted their gazes across the sea of photographers, moving from section to section on the carpet alternating between photo-ops and quick interviews with the press.

Jaehyun tugged at the front of his black tuxedo and straightened his bow tie while standing tall as Johnny chatted away with an interviewer just as he heard commotion at the other end of the carpet. He watched out of the corner of his eye when the photographers seemed to move in the same direction of the excitement.

Jaehyun shrugged it off, still trying his hardest to continue focusing on his groups interview. It wasn’t until he heard the voice of a photographer shout your name that his entire demeanour finally shifted. The cool, calm, collected image he had upheld all night began to falter. He watched as Mark — who was stood on the opposite end of the line lifted his gaze to peer discretely past Jaehyun’s head in your direction after clearly hearing your name as well. His eyes met Jaehyuns as he gave him a warning look. A look that told him to keep it together because there were millions of people at home watching through the cameras that were capturing every moment in real time, and broadcasting live across the world. 

Jaehyun tried his best, he really did. But he couldn’t resist any longer. He turned his head to look back at you. You stood on the marked spot of the runway in front of the cameras in a floor length white gown that made you look as though you had stepped out of Heaven itself. Your leg dangled out from in between the slit of the stress and your hair cascaded down your back. You took your position before alternating between a series of poses as you worked the cameras. Compliments spilled out from behind the cameras as paparazzi bombarded you with instructions on where to look -- to the right, to the left, up high for the ones in the back row, etc. 

As you shifted your gaze to a different section of photographers you mistakenly met Jaehyun’s own. The two of you locked eyes — with you pulling away at first, completely taken aback by your exes presence. Jaehyun however kept his gaze on you and continued watching intently as you worked the red carpet.

“Jaehyun?” the reporter called, as her voice interrupted his thoughts of you.

“H-huh? I’m sorry!” he said before flashing a dimpled smile and making the interviewer melt, “there’s just so much going on. The red carpet is so exciting!” he chuckled, and just like that he was in the clear — sort of. The interview wrapped up shortly after and all was well before the rest of the members gave him a knowing look once the cameras were no longer rolling. 

Jaehyun sighed deeply, glancing back at you once more as he admired your bright smile that was on full display during an interview. He missed you, he thought to himself. 

You had dated for a few months before you decided to move to LA. Originally the plan was to stay in Korea and settle down with Jaehyun but after he failed to uphold the promises he had made about finally going public with your relationship you decided that you couldn’t put your life on hold anymore for him. No one, especially you, deserved to be somebody else’s  secret. 

You moved out to LA and pursued acting. In just a few years you had finally worked your way up in the industry and were notorious for playing lead roles in indie films by some of the best directors in Hollywood who had grown tired of casting the more well known stars. Ironically that is what had turned you into a household name — as you completely found your niche within the genre.

But how did it feel seeing the boy you were more than willing to give up on your dreams for? Surprisingly you were okay. It hadn’t been easy and you needed to work through a lot of your issues over the years to get to a place where your pain and resentment towards your ex no longer consumed you. Being in such close proximity with your ex and feeling confident was certainly an improvement, you thought to yourself. 

Besides, you had found your own footing in the world and your own level of success as well. Though you both were famous celebrities, you both existed in two different worlds that rarely met -- until now. Maybe it was inevitable that one day the two of you would cross paths again. 

You blew through your interviews as others arrived on the carpet and within minutes were being ushered into the theatre by staff who were working on seating guests for the award show. You stood aimlessly by the open bar in the waiting area as your manager chattered away with the publicist of some other up and coming celebrity. 

You raised your hand gracefully to wave down a bartender who seemed to fail to notice your efforts at grabbing his attention. You sighed deeply before giving up and dropping your hand back down against the cool counter of the bar in defeat. You were hoping to get a few drinks in your system before having to sit through yet another boring ceremony. Suddenly you felt the presence of a large body behind you. You titled your head upwards to the arm that was raised high above you as the bartender finally walked over in your direction. 

“How can I help you two?” he asked. Flustered, you tripped over your words as you turned around, coming face to face with Jaehyun who seemed to be staring directly into your soul. You froze, and watched as he turned to speak to the bartender. Within minutes, two identical cocktails were slid across the counter. You sighed as you watched jaehyuns slender fingers wrap around the base of his glass as you mirrored his action.

Just then a photographer approached the two of you inquiring about a photo op. You smiled sheepishly as onlookers directed their attention to you. It’s not like you could refuse. Not on a night like this. It would look terrible on your part. So instead you stepped closer to Jaehyun and though he hesitated slightly, you felt his hand rest on the small of your back.

You offered up a sheepish smile as he remained stoned face as he usually did in pictures at events like this. After a few clicks and a few extra stares the photographer moved on. Jaehyuns members lingered by as they tried not to make it too obvious how surprised they were at the interaction. Once it was over they swooped in almost immediately.

Many of them offered you quick greetings but it was Mark who lingered to speak with you as they managed to create some distance between you and Jaehyun.

He spoke quickly and quietly. From the perspective of outsiders it looked like harmless mingling but his words carried weight.

“We can all tell that he misses you a lot, y/n. But we’ll do our best to make sure he doesn’t get in your way anymore,” he stated. Your heart froze at the new revelation.

You opened your mouth, hesitating a little before you spoke. “It’s okay,” you began, “it was a long time ago. I’m okay. You don’t have to coddle me.”

It was true that Mark had a tendency to get that way. Him and Johnny knew better than anyone else what had happened between you and Jaehyun and the two scolded him every chance they could get about the way your relationship turned out. They were all your friends before the romance between you and Jaehyun blossomed.

“It’s not you that we are trying to protect this time,” Mark confessed, “to be honest, it’s Jaehyun. He took it hard. Even though he knew it was his fault he suffered a lot and is full of regrets. We know you’re doing well now but... he hasn’t really been the same.”

You looked over Marks shoulder and locked eyes with Jaehyun who was engaged in what seemed like a deep conversation with Johnny that you were sure must have been similar to the one Mark was having with you right now.

His expression was downcast, yet stern. He seemed bothered by what he was hearing. You were almost certain Johnny was telling him to keep his distance from you but you couldn’t help the feeling in your heart... a feeling that made you wish you could hear these things directly from him instead.

The rest of the night proceeded accordingly though you couldn’t shake the feeling in your stomach. Good thing you were an actress because between presenting and carrying home your first award, you needed to really sell the fact that tonight was the best night of your life despite the fact that you were hurting a bit inside.

Next was the after party and yes, it was intense. Drug and alcohol fueled events were a regular occurrence in Hollywood and soon enough everyone was under the influence of something. There was a reason it was kept in the most exclusive hotel in the city and that reason was because people usually got so fucked up that the convenience of being able to be one elevator ride away from their beds was a complete blessing.

You called it a night quite early. You drank congratulatory drink after drink and decided that it was far better to leave while you could still somewhat see clearly. You had made your excuses and encouraged your team to stay around to party as you went back up to your room alone to get ready for bed.

You were all changed into a silk nightgown when there was a knock at the door. Figuring it was just room service, you went ahead and opened it up but to your surprise Jaehyun stood there alone. He leaned against the door frame with a half empty bottle of wine in his fist as his head hung low.

“Congratulations on your award,” he slurred as he held the bottle out to you. You were in complete shock. You poked your head past the door, hoping no one had seen him standing there. You planned on telling him to leave when you heard the dinging of the elevators bell as voices rang out down the hall. In a moment of pure panic you quickly dragged him by the collar of his coat into the room and slammed the door shut behind the two of you.

Jaehyun giggled. “Do you miss me that much?” He asked as he reached for your waist. Locking you in his embrace.

“Jaehyun are you crazy? You can’t just show up at my door like that. Lots of people are staying on this floor. Someone could have seen!” you scolded.

He placed the bottle down on a piece of furniture before putting the palm of his hand to your cheek.

“I’ve always been crazy haven’t I? Who would have thought it would be you wanting to keep us from being seen... after all this time,” he said as his voice dropped.

Your breathing became laboured as his eyes gazed deeply into yours.

“I’m so sorry. I should have never kept you a secret,” he confessed. “I regret trying to hide you from the world. Now that they get to see you, they get to love you too. Everyone who gets the pleasure of getting to know you always ends up loving you, don’t they?” he asked. He offered up a weak smile as the dimples in his cheeks went on full display again.

“I-I don’t know what you want me to say,” you answered. You covered his hands with yours as you drew it away from your face. You could see the sadness return to his expression.

Jaehyun blinked a few times. “Ah, I think getting so emotional just sobered me up a bit,” he winced as you watched his cheeks begin to blush.

“Mark and Johnny are going to be really upset with me when they find out that I came up here. I’m sure they already know by now,” he said. Jaehyun still held you in his grasp. You attempted to pull away but he refused to let you go.

“Please...” he pleaded as he felt you try to put distance between the two of you “please, y/n. Let me at least hold you for a little bit longer.”

He let out a deep sigh before engulfing you in a hug. You hesitated before wrapping your arms around his neck and could feel him relaxing under your touch instantly. Jaehyuns hands ran down the small of your back and grabbed at your waist as you could feel the desperation and yearning in his touch.

What was only a hug started to feel more intimate. Before you could stop yourself, you felt your hands yearning for more of him too. You ran one of your hands up the nape of his neck and into his hair as he burried his face into your neck — the warmth of his breath on your skin sending tingles down your spine. Your back arched slightly in response, causing your chest to press into his.

Jaehyuns hands travelled a bit lower, resting dangerously close to your butt and it was enough to draw a reaction from you. You sucked in air between your lips, before letting out a soft gasp. He knew exactly what he was doing to you. You cursed yourself for falling into his trap so quickly but his energy was intoxicating.

Jaehyuns lips brushed lightly against your neck before you felt him press them against your skin, giving you soft kisses on the delicate flesh. Your breathing became heavier. You made no effort to stop him. Your body reacted on its own as you titled your head to give him more access to you.

“Good girl,” he encouraged softly as he alternated between soft kisses and the dragging of his tongue up towards your ear. You whimpered as you felt yourself officially cave. There was no way you could stop now. Not when it had been so long since you last felt like this.

He dragged his teeth back across your skin, nipping softly at the flash before dropping one his hands to palm your ass. You let out a soft moan in response as you felt his hardness grow against your stomach. Jaehyun lifted his head away from you before locking you in his gaze once more. He drew his bottom lip between his teeth as his eyes scanned your face.

You watched him through hooded eyes, with your cheeks flushed red as he leaned in to capture your mouth in a deep and passionate kiss. You moaned against his mouth as his tongue forced itself past your lips. You suckled softly on his tongue as his hands explored the rest of your body.

This time you took the lead, deepening the kiss and dragging him with you back towards the bed in your hotel room. You pushed off his coat and tugged at the buttons of his shirt as you continued to move backwards. When you felt the duvet covers on the back of your legs you sunk down into the mattress pulling him towards you as you moved to unbotton his pants, keeping your eyes firmly locked with his.

Once he was free he discarded the rest of his clothing with ease. Jaehyun stood before you, panting softly, naked body on full display as he ran his fingers through his hair.

“Fuck...” you sighed. You could feel your nipples harden underneath the fabric of your nightgown while you tried your hardest to stop your eyes from wandering again.

Jaehyun’s lips turned up at the corners for what seemed like a mere second before his gaze went dark again. He stepped forward and reached for your face to run his thumb against your bottom lip. You couldn’t stop yourself from allowing your mouth to fall open slightly, inviting his finger to slip past your lips and across your tongue.

You suckled softly. Jaehyun used his other hand to slide the straps of your nightgown off your shoulders one by one. Your eyes never left his while you felt the fabric fall to your waist, leaving you topless. You stood up, mouth still full and eyes still locked to let it fall to your feet, leaving you naked.

Jaehyun’s free hand immediately grabbed at your waist, pulling you closer to his body and with a pop he removed his thumb from your mouth, replacing it with more fingers before finally switching to a kiss. Your tongue danced around his eagerly.

You jumped at the feeling of jaehyuns damp fingers against your clit as he wasted no time prepping you. Moaning against his lips, the two of you moved back towards the bed — this time, with Jaehyun settling in between your legs.

“Forgive me,” he said quietly. Your chest rose and fell with each passing second as you waited for him to speak again — fingers still brushing against your clit as you moaned quietly.

“I ruined everything. But, I want to make it up to you. Even if it’s just this once. Even if it’s the last chance I get. So be good for me, okay? Just for a little while longer” he said as he lowered himself to your core.

You were a writhing mess as you waited for his tongue to finally connect with your flesh and when it did... fireworks.

Maybe it had been too long or maybe he just knew your body better than anyone else but within seconds you could feel yourself getting closer to your peak. Jaehyun flattened his tongue against your lips, running it up and down your slit at a sensual pace. It was so good, but not nearly enough. He was teasing you and pleasing you all at once.

On occasion he would flick himself against your clit, watching as your body convulsed at the contact before pulling away again and watching you slowly get further away from your orgasm once more.

“M-more, please,” you begged as you reached your hands between your legs to rope in jaehyuns hair. He continued to work at your core before lifting his head slightly. You raised your hips to chase after him, not wanting to lose contact, as he chuckled to himself softly.

“I’m being rude, aren’t I?” he taunted as he teasingly ran two fingers down your slit, coating them in your juices. You groaned as you watched him put both fingers in his mouth, humming to himself.

“I can’t help it. You taste so good, I don’t want to rush,” he murmured.

“Baby, please” you cooed. Jaehyun froze momentarily.

It was a low blow. You knew calling him the pet name would bring him into a more submissive state but you were desperate at this point. You could feel the shift in the power dynamic as you used the hand you roped in his thick locks to pull him back down to your center.

“You said you wanted to make it up to me. I want to cum all over this pretty mouth, baby” you said. Jaehyun’s mouth hung open as he watched you in what seemed like a daze as he nodded softly before returning to what he had been doing before.

This time there was no teasing. He went immediately to your clit — lips engulfing the soft bud as he lapped at the flesh. You couldn’t resist wrapping your legs around him, slightly squeezing his head with your thighs to resist the intense amount of pleasure you were feeling.

You moaned as he forced your legs back open again, giving you no choice but to accept exactly what it is you had asked him for. Despite submitting to you so easily, he refused to let you off the hook.

Jaehyun slipped two fingers past your entrance and pumped them vigorously in and out of you as he sucked your clit into his mouth, releasing it with a pop before repeating his actions.

“Let me taste you. Cum for me,” he urged.

Just then, you granted him his wish as your back arched off of the bed and you felt your orgasm wash over you. Jaehyun didn’t let up. He continued to pump at your core without interrupting as he lapped away at your juices.

“Fuck, you’re dripping. I have to feel this,” he said. You continued to convulse under his touch as you let his name slip from your lips over and over again.

You felt his fingers retreat as he ran the head of his cock up and down your slit, making you shutter each time he brushed against your sensitive clit.

You only had a few minutes of rest before he was inching himself into you slowly before finally bottoming out. You moaned, still sensitive from your first orgasm as he began thrusting. He started off slowly, savouring the feeling of sliding in and out of you until he was balls deep inside of you again each time.

He layed on top of you, with his head burried in your neck as he snapped his hips forward over and over again. Soon it was just too much. The both of you seemed to have forgotten where you were because the way he moved and the way your voices filled the room made it seem as though you were the last two people left on earth.

“I’m going to —“ he tried to warn as his words were interrupted by his own moan. His pace got slower as he continued to bury himself into you over and over again.

You pulled his face to yours into a final kiss as you worked your hips against his. Your lips parted along with jaehyun’s as your kiss broke. They brushed against each other as you refused to pull away completely just as you both reached your peaks together. His warmth filled you up as you both panted. Your bliss was short lived when you heard loud and violent knocks on the hotel room door followed by muffled voices.

“Are you guys insane? You’re so lucky the party is at its peak right now because we could literally hear you from the end of the hall!” Mark said as the knocking continued.

“Jaehyun, I swear to God if you aren’t out here in three seconds!” He continued.

The two of you frantically pulled your clothing back on before you threw the door open. Mark looked the two of you up and down.

“Johnny is holding the elevator so no one else can get up here. We gotta go. Oh and congrats by the way,” he said before turning on his heels and making his way towards the elevator.

Jaehyun quickly pulled your face into his hands for a kiss, promising to call you soon before Johnny yelled for him to “get the hell into the lift!” and just like that they were gone again and you were left with a feeling that you couldn’t really describe — but still a peaceful one, nonetheless. You closed your hotel door finally letting your fingers flutter across your lips as they broke into a soft smile.

[amazingphanisnotonfire-imagines]

Riverdale//without you i’d be nothing

Request: Reader plays a Northsider River Vixen on Riverdale and when the show’s on hiatus the cast takes a trip to New Orleans and her boyfriend Douglas Booth invites them to see him film a scene as Nikki Sixx for the Netflix movie The Dirt and he and reader are super cute after he finishes the scene and the cast totally ships them. The scene is from the YouTube video The Dirt - Shout at the Devil/with backstage (Turkish subtitle). Nikki’s bass guitar in the opening of the scene is really cool.

hey! i really hope you like this!! and i also hope you’re having a good day! 

“Hey guys! It’s me, Madelaine and welcome to the last day of shooting before our hiatus!” Madelaine beams into the camera and you lift your head up from your phone to watch her talk excitedly at the camera. 

“I’m sort of sad because I’m gonna miss all of these.” She does a twirl to show off the rest of the cast sat waiting to start filming and they all take a break from talking to wave and smile at the camera. “But I am very excited for the break. Plus, we won’t really be away from each other for long because in a few days we’re going on holiday!! Aren’t we guys!” She asks and zooms in on Charles while he scrolls through his phone. 

“Huh?” He asks when he feels everyone looking at him. You all stifle a laugh before looking back at Madelaine again. 

“Okay, let’s see what everyone is doing.” She smiles playfully and wiggles her eyebrows before flipping the camera and choosing who to annoy first. “KJ. What are you doing?” 

“Eating.” He replies through a mouthful of food before glaring at the red-head. 

“Vanessa?” 

“Ignoring you.” She replies, not bothering to look up from her phone. 

“You know, you all think that Vanessa is lovely, but this is what I have to put up with.” Madelaine frowns. “What about you Y/n?” She asks and you glance at her before sending your text. 

“She’s texting her boyfriend.” Jordan teases as he looks over your shoulder and you roll your eyes at his childishness. “Aww, they’re sending each other kisses. And now she’s opening Instagram and liking a picture of him-wait, that’s not his real hair is it?” He asks and you send him a look. 

“Of course not.” You laugh. “It’s his costume, for the Mötley Crüe movie.” 

“Ohh.” He replies. “Okay.” He starts again, faking a British accent and you roll your eyes again. “Now, she is liking the photo of her boyfriend and his cast members. She’s typing something and now she’s going into her notes and typing something else. It’s for me, and it says Jordan...fuck off.” He trails off and a playful pout replaces his smile. 

“Somebody please send help.” Madelaine deadpans as she flips the camera back. “I’m gonna have to put up with all of this for another week.” 

“Holy shit.” Madelaine mouths as she shoves the camera in her backpack. The rest of the cast are just as mesmerised with the stage set up in front of them. 

The stage is more light than actual stage and for a while you can’t really decipher between the lights and the many, many speakers they have. Four microphones are dotted around the black stage, just waiting for sound. The guitar amps wait to be plugged in and you remember watching Douglas walk in and out of your bedroom as he tried to master the way Nickki Sixx would walk on stage. Tommy Lee’s drum sits at the back of the stage and the pentagram really brings the whole dark aesthetic together. 

It genuinely looks like one of their shows. After Doug was offered the role, the two of you sat and watched countless videos of their shows together, just so he could really get into his role.

Normally you’d join them in staring wide-eyed at the bright set, but you’re too excited to see Doug that you can barely take in anything surrounding you other than him. Your eyes scan the countless people passing by. Crew members carrying large speakers and microphones back and forth, and hundreds of extra’s mill about around you, making you feel like you’ve just walked through a time machine. 

You feel eyes on you and it’s only when you look back at them do you realize you were bouncing slightly. 

“Be cool.” Jordan shakes his head and you flip him off making him feign offence. 

“Can I help you guys?” A woman asks and you quickly direct your attention to her. 

“Hi!” You beam. “Douglas Booth invited us to watch him. He said he got the okay from the director. I’m Y/n, his girlfriend. Nice to meet you!” You smile and stick your hand out in front of her. She blinks, trying to process what you’ve just said in the short space of time before a small smile twitches at her lips and she introduces herself. 

“I’m Amy.” She replies. “And I’ve heard a lot about you. It’s nice to finally meet you in person instead of being shown countless of pictures of you.” She teases and your cheeks heat up.

Cami and Lili share a look before nudging you and you stare at the floor, too embarrassed to look at them again. 

“Come with me.” She tells the rest of the group. “And help yourself to snacks and drinks.” She says and everyone’s head’s perk up at the mention of food. “We’re just about to film, they’re putting the final touches to everything, but if I see Doug I’ll let him know you’re here.” 

“Thank you!” You grin and sit down. Behind the camera’s are a bunch of seats, none of which match and it’s a race between the ten of you to get the comfiest seats first. It ends in KJ and Casey standing and they grumble quietly to each other while the rest of you smile sarcastically back at them. 

“Okay. Quiet on set!” Someone shouts and you stand up to crane your neck over the camera’s. For a second everything’s quiet, and then the lights go up and everyone screams. 

“Ladies and Gentlemen, from Los Angeles, Mötley Crüe!”

Douglas looks out into the crowd and your sure he’s seen you, despite the room full of people. Then the lights come up and the spark machines go off leaving all you to stare in awe at what is happening. 

The sound of drums pound along with your heart while you watch your boyfriend transform into somebody else in front of your very eyes. He strums the guitar in time and hops backwards while looking out into the darkened crowd and you follow his gaze, wanting to see what he’s seeing. 

You watch as the camera zooms in on Douglas’ strumming and you nudge Cami excitledy as you point proudly at him. She stifles a laugh before the two of you continuing watching. 

“Title track is from our up and coming album. We call it ‘Shout At The Devil’” Danny shouts and the crowd goes wild. The camera zooms in on Iwan playing guitar.  

‘Shout, shout, shout!” They sing, the camera zooming into each of them, focusing longer on Colson as he twirls the drum sticks around in his fingers.  “Shout, shout, shout! Shout at the devil.” Danny kicks his leg out and does a spin before starting to sing again and you can’t believe what you’re seeing. 

They all look so cool! Especially Douglas and you can understand why bands back in the day had so many groupies if they did stuff like this on the stage. The atmosphere is electric and it’s not even a real concert, so you can only dream of what it would feel like to be at a real one.  “He's the wolf screaming lonely in the night. He's the blood stain on the stage.” Danny points out into the crowd and you hear a few screams and squeals making you laugh. “He's the tear in your eye. Been tempted by his lie.” Douglas rocks back and forth, and despite your earlier teasing through texts about the wig, it does look good when he’s up there head banging. “He's the knife in your back, he's rage!” Colson raises a hand in the air before banging the drums again. 

Danny leans forward, his voice going up an octave and you watch impressed. “He's the razor to the knife. Oh, lonely is our lives. My head's spinning 'round and 'round.” He points out into the crowd again and you catch Pete Davidson’s eye. 

Colson throws a drumstick in the air again before drumming, and you don’t know where to look anymore. There’s so many incredible things happening and you wish you could film this or take a picture or something so you can remember. It’s going to be amazing when you see it in the actual film, but to see it being recorded in real life, that’s something you don’t think any movie theatre will be able to live up to. 

“But in the seasons of wither, we'll stand and deliver. Be strong and laugh and-” 

“Shout, shout, shout. Shout at the devil! Shout, shout, shout!” Flames erupt from the stage during each beat and all ten of your eyes widen when you see someone flash the band. They head bang and jump around and your eyes widen each second that passes. 

But it’s over far sooner than you’d like it to be. You could spent forever watching your boyfriend pretend to be a famous rockstar, and you’re surprised at how at home he looks up on stage. 

The band shout and cheer, before the director shouts cut and they suddenly all erupt into laughter. Douglas and Iwan high five before they disappear off stage and previously still crew members start moving again. They hurry past you, with props, costumes and coffee in hand. 

And you wait excitedly for Douglas to appear. 

“So, we’re on the set of a super important Netflix movie. We’ve just watched them film literally the best thing ever. Like I have goosebumps, look. Anyway, I’m not gonna show you much, but I am going to show you this.” Madelaine whispers, a soft smile lighting up her face before she flips the camera and zooms in on you and Douglas. 

You wrap your arms around him and he picks you up, twirling you around making you squeal. He puts you back on the floor and wastes no time in capturing your lips in a kiss. You’ve been waiting months to kiss him again and it was definitely worth it, even if he is wearing that ridiculously large wig. 

“I’ve missed you so much baby.” You mumble against his lips. 

“Me too.” He replies and kisses you again. 

Madelaine flips the camera back to her and she pouts in response to how cute the two of you are. 

“She hasn’t shut up about him since he invited us out here.” She says and rolls her eyes. “It’s been the only thing we’ve heard. Hasn’t it V?” She asks the shorter girl as she walks behind her. 

“What?” Vanessa asks and takes a sip of the coffee Cole stole for her from the snack table. 

“Y/n and Doug.” It’s only three words, but it sets Vanessa off into a whole ramble about how excited you’ve been to see him. 

“It’s a good job they’re cute.” She replies making Vanessa giggle and the two of them watch as you and Doug catch up with each other. You move his wig from his face and he smiles thankfully, before kissing your cheek. “Something that isn’t cute though is these two.” Madelaine interrupts her own vlog by swapping the camera again and zooming in on Jordan and Drew taking pictures of each other with badly put on wigs. 

Her and Vanessa shake their head and watch as they laugh loudly and try to knock the other ones off their head. However their laughter soon dies down when a crew member comes over and scolds them for tampering with props, and now it’s Vanessa and Madelaine’s’s turn to laugh. 

“I can’t wait for the internet to see that.” Vanessa giggles before sending a disapproving look at the two men now pouting sadly in the corner. 

“Knowing them, it’ll just make more people love them.” Madelaine rolls her eyes. She turns the camera off and lets Vanessa lead her to where the majority of the cast are. 

“Hi guys.” Douglas introduces himself nervously and the conversations slowly die out. You stand beside Doug, your hand in his to keep him calm and a reassuring smile on your face. 

He’s never normally nervous when meeting new people, however he’s only ever met a few of these people a handful of times and he knows how important they are to you so he wants to make the best impression he possibly can. 

Although, you’re pretty sure he already has done with that they’ve just watched. You’re sure that could turn even the most cynical and hard to impress people, so you’re not worried. 

“Hi!” They all reply, each of them moving to shake his hand first. 

“Can I just say, that was great. I’ve never seen anything like it!” Drew gushes and Doug waves him off bashfully. 

“Seriously. Y/n is very lucky.” Jordan replies making you shove him lightly. 

“I’m definitely the lucky one.” Doug replies and kisses you gently. Your friends roll their eyes and gag in response, but you know they’re doing it out of love. 

“So, how are you all enjoying New Orleans?” He changes the subject.

“We haven’t really seen much of it. We got here yesterday and we spent the majority of it sleeping.” Casey explains making him frown. 

“Why don’t we go sightseeing.” He smiles. “Before you guys get kicked out.” He adds and looks at Jordan and Drew who smile back awkwardly. 

“You guys go ahead.” You interrupt. “We’ll catch up with you.” 

“Ooo.” KJ teases and you flip him off making him laugh loudly. “Get out.” You shove him and Lili grabs his arm pulling him towards the exit. The rest of the gang follow until it’s just you and Doug standing in an empty room. You’re only company is the very large snack table and various chairs dotted around the room. 

“I’ve missed you so fucking much.” You admit and wrap him into a tight hug. He wheezes at the force but hugs you back and warmth fills your chest. “You were also amazing up there. I mean, it was like I was at a proper concert!” You ramble proudly and he rolls his eyes. “You are so talented.” 

“Nah.” He shakes his head and you send him a glare. “It was all you, you’re my good luck charm.” 

---

March 18, 2019, ArcLight, Hollywood. 

The fabric of your dress, bunches and un-bunches in your clammy palm. The pale blue silk is soft against your skin and it’s quite a comforting feeling, it’s good to know that you can still feel something, even if the rest of you does feel numb. 

Camera’s flash outside the tinted windows of the black car, and you can hear hundreds of people shouting and screaming. The last time you were at a movie premiere, it didn’t feel anything like this, and it’s not even your movie. You wonder if you maybe need to do more than two acting jobs to get used to stuff like this, maybe you never get used to it. 

The more you think of it, the weirder it feels. All of those people lining the streets and wanting to take pictures of you. Riverdale premiers feel a whole lot less scary than movie ones. You thought it was because you always have your friends around you, or maybe because you’ve been to every single one of them since the show started, you kind of know what to expect as they’re all the same. 

But then you glance at Doug and you feel a whole new set of nerves creep up on you. He looks so good in his suit, and you watch his fingers tap anxiously against his knee as the two of you wait for the door to opened. 

Maybe you’re more nervous because it’s him. You have no reason to be though, the small part that you saw being filmed was amazing, and if the whole film is like that, then he’s got nothing to worry about. But you know he’s nervous and maybe that’s what’s making you feel the same. 

“Doug?” You place a gentle hand over his, stilling the movements of his fingers and he looks back at you, his expression softening as he takes you in. 

“You look beautiful.” He smiles and presses a kiss to the back of your hand. 

“You don’t look so bad yourself.” You reply and he rolls his eyes. “Are you okay?” You ask and the question seems to take him by surprise.

“Yeah-I. Why wouldn’t I be?” He stutters and you send him a look. He knows you can read him like a book, it’s something you seemed to have mastered by the first day you met him. 

“You just seem a little nervous.” You shrug and give his hand a squeeze. 

“I’m okay.” He shakes his head. “Maybe just a little bit. But nerves are good.” He finishes and you look at him unsure. “Why? Are you nervous?” 

“A little bit.” You admit and drop his gaze. His finger hooks under your chin and pulls it up again so you can look at him. His hazel eyes seem to see straight through you and the way he’s looking at you makes your heartbeat increase. For a few seconds, it just feels like the two of you sitting in the tiny cab. 

The rest of the world disappears, it’s just you and him, and that’s all you could ever really need.  

“Come on, you’ve done scarier things. Remember when you found out you had to do that British accent. I’m pretty sure you told me, you’d considered dropping out of the film.” He says and you nod your head. 

“I suppose, yeah.” You agree. “That was very nerve-racking. Especially when I had to do it in front of the cutest British boy I’d ever met.” You add and he rolls his eyes playfully. The two of you giggle quietly to yourselves

“We’re ready for you.” A tall man dressed all in black tells you once opening the door. You look at Doug and the two of you take a deep breath. 

“Are you ready?” You ask and he nods slowly. 

“As I’ll ever be.” He grins and you mirror it. The nerves turning to excitement when you think about how proud you are of him. “Wait!” He shouts and you freeze, dropping your purse in fright. “Sorry.” He apologises awkwardly and you roll your eyes at him. “I just wanted to get a picture with you before we’re both whisked off by our adorning fans. I want to show off how lucky I am, and I want Danny to see what he’s missing.”

“Where did you say he was again?” 

“He’s off filming some other film. But I think he did a video message or something, basically thanking everyone.” He replies. 

“Oh, that’s sweet.” You nod. “Anyway, adorning fans?” You repeat and he nods, a playful smile tugging at his lips. “You know this is a premier for a film that you’re in right? I’ve got nothing to do with this.” 

“One. We all know that the majority of the people here, are here for you because they just assume you’re coming with me.” 

“They assumed correctly.” You nod and cross your arms. You raise an eyebrow as you wait for him to continue with this point that you know is going to be stupid. 

“And two. You have everything to do with this.” He says and your roll your eyes, pushing him bashfully. “I’m being serious Y/n.” He says, making you look at him. “If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be here. I wouldn’t have had the confidence to say yes to all the offers I got, I wouldn’t have been able to recover from the many no’s. I wouldn’t have been able to learn my scripts and come to you for advice and support and just for a hug. This has everything to do with you, and the way you looked at me when you watched me film, gave me all the confidence I needed to keep going, even when the hours were long and I missed you like crazy.” 

“Douglas Booth, you’re going to make me cry and my makeup is perfect.” 

“And you look beautiful.” He replies and wipes a stray tear away. A curl falls in front of your face and he tucks it behind your ear, his fingers leaving a trail of heat along your jawline. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” You laugh and wipe away another tear. 

He gives you one last smile before grabbing your hand. You step out of the cab and into the bright flashing lights and the overwhelming sound of your names being shouted. He looks back at you, concern growing in his eyes but you grin back at him and he mirrors it. 

The two of you make your way up the red carpet, posing together and separately as people shout your name from all angles. The camera’s always disorient you, but as soon as you’re back beside Douglas and he wraps an arm around you waist, you feel yourself become more comfortable with the sheer amount of press. 

Douglas talks to a few of his co-stars and you take the few minutes of zero attention to really take in the moment. There’s so many people here, all of them to see your talented boyfriend and his friends and you feel like your heart is going to burst with pride. 

Your gaze catches Jordan, Drew and KJ, all three of which are staring wide eyed as the real Mötley Crüe walk the red carpet. You watch as they try their hardest not to implode and a chuckle escapes your lips when they finally realize that you’re watching them. 

“Holy shit!” Jordan mouths and you roll your eyes. Drew points awkwardly at them and KJ makes small talk with Tommy Lee before he stares at you in shock. 

“Be cool!” You mouth back and roll your eyes at your friends. The three of them just stare back at you in shock before they notice Vanessa and Madelaine having a full on conversation with all four members. 

It looks like they’ve just bumped into each at the grocery store with the way they’re talking to each other, and even you must look a little surprised. 

“I’ve seen you’re show!” Nikki says and your jaw drops. “It’s fucking weird.” He adds making the girls laugh. 

“Yeah.” Madelaine nods. “It sure is.” She adds before they walk away to get their pictures taken. Madelaine and Vanessa stare at each other, frozen for a few seconds before they grab each others arms and squeal. 

“Your friends sure are weird.” Vince says and it takes you a few seconds to realise he’s talking to you. 

“Oh yeah. There are.” You laugh awkwardly and the rest of the band greet you. You take a second to glance back at your friends who are all staring at you with varying degrees of shock on their face. 

“Are you ready to go in?” Doug pulls your attention away from the silent conversation you’re trying to have with Vanessa, and a soft smile graces your lips. 

“More than ready.” You nod excitedly. “I’m so proud of you baby.” You whisper in his ear and a blush creeps up his neck. 

“Not as proud as I am of you.” He replies and nudges your arm. The two of you take a deep breath before stepping through the door, ready for whatever adventure is waiting for you next. 

support my writing! if you want! 

[lokiondisneyplus]

Sasha Lane always plays the rebel. “Somebody make me a f***ing fairy princess, please,” says the actor, sighing with exasperation. “I promise I won’t say f***.” She is the type of plucky young star you imagine can do anything but, until now, Lane has excelled at playing the daring renegade, whether it’s as a teenage runaway in American Honey, the dazzling coming-of-age film that made her name in 2016, as a spliff-smoking “bad kid” in The Miseducation of Cameron Post, or, this month, as a violent fugitive in Amazon Prime’s Utopia.

The 25-year-old puts these sorts of roles down to her 20 tattoos and her dreadlocks. “I’m immediately seen as dirty and dark,” she says, recalling when she attended the illustrious Met Gala event in 2018, wearing a white lace dress. “I had diamonds in my hair – diamonds,” she says, with faux indignation. “Somebody was like, ‘She's so grungy.’ I was like, ‘What about this outfit says: ‘I'm gonna do a head bang and burn a town down?’ No. I'm sipping with my pinkie up and feeling very graceful and I wish you would just let me have my moment.”

Lane is just as captivating to watch on Zoom as she is in her films. She plays with her distinctive dreads – piling them atop her head, sweeping them over her shoulder – and her hands spiral around each other as she talks in a rhythmic southern drawl. When we speak, Lane has just got off a video call with her one-year-old daughter. She's currently in Atlanta, where she’s rumoured to be shooting the new Thor-spin off series, Loki, with Tom Hiddleston. “I'm just gonna skip over that one,” she says, laughing, when asked about it.

No one could have foreseen that Lane would end up here, though she is easily one of the most intriguing actors of the moment. She’d never planned on acting, let alone liked it, and thought she’d join the Peace Corps after college. But in 2014 her life changed forever when, aged 19, she was spotted on a Miami beach by Andrea Arnold. The director had just lost her lead actor for American Honey, the dizzying, sun-soaked Cannes Jury Prize-winner about a girl who decides to cut and run with a band of misfits. Among the tens of thousands of students getting wasted on spring break, Lane stood out.

“It was a crazy trip,” says Lane. “Me and my friends had been kicked out of a hotel and we ended up on this beach. I had no care in the world and that's when Andrea saw me.” Arnold told Lane she was making a film and later that night, while two of her friends were passed out from partying on her hotel bed, Lane improvised scenes in the lobby. “I had definitely been drinking that day, but I can hold my own,” she says now.

The next day over breakfast, Arnold asked Lane to stick around for another week. Lane was cautious. “I was like, ‘Alright, well if you turn out to be a murderer this is not gonna go well for you. I know s***. You're gonna have to really hack up my body if we're gonna do this.’ Which is weird to say to someone, but I did,” says Lane. She stayed, and by the end of the week she’d been cast in the film opposite Shia LaBeouf. She dropped out of college and flew out to Oklahoma to start shooting.

Her resulting performance as Star, a teenager from a broken home who hits the road with a travelling, partying sales crew in the midwest, was magnetic. With no professional experience, Lane managed to delicately balance her character’s mixture of vulnerability and grit.

Lane, like Star, left her life behind to go on the road with the film’s cast and crew. “I didn't know how to act,” she says. “So I didn't know what to do other than pull stuff from my own mind. I got to the point where I’d be crying to Andrea, saying, ‘I can't tell the difference between who I am and who Star is.’ We were in a bubble and had no visitors. We slept in s****y motels together, we were in the van for hours. There was no escaping American Honey.”

Star’s love interest in the film is the crew’s wild, hyperactive “business manager” Jake, a rat-tailed LaBeouf who Lane was reportedly dating off-screen. LaBeouf was intense on set. In one instance, Star was supposed to be angry with Jake, but Lane was struggling to conjure the emotion. “I was just laughing,” she says. “So Shia started telling me, ‘You're ruining this scene. You're f***ing ruining the whole movie.’ I knew what he was doing but it hurt and it was pissing me off. I just snapped and then they started filming and it was like, ‘Oh right, I see what you did there. You f***er.’ It was smart.”

The kids in the film, who are from forgotten, midwestern towns, are in a demographic that Donald Trump claims to be the voice of. Our interview is a week ahead of the 2020 election, and Lane is not convinced. “He's had his time and he has nothing to show for it,” she says. “He didn't deliver. I understood, especially back then, why certain people voted for him. They just wanted to believe that he would put money in and give us jobs, but it didn't work out that way.”

Like Star, Houston-born Lane moved around a lot as a child, between Texas, Florida and Dallas, and helped raise her little sisters. “I don't really like to talk about my family but my mom was gone a lot,” she says. “I played this role of being the glue, trying to keep everyone together. I grew up really, really young. Bad things happened to me as a kid but I had this feeling that it made me a better person. I have empathy and perspective.” As a result, she continues, she “internalised a lot because I never wanted people to feel my pain. I wanted to appear strong and light and be able to take care of everyone. Meanwhile, I would sit in my closet, give myself like 10 seconds to cry, then I would suck it up and be like, ‘OK, move forward, time to go get my sisters some food and act like everything's OK.’ I got really good at pretending things were OK.”

When Lane went to college, she started to crack. “I ended up getting diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder,” she says. “There are voices in your head, things are really dark. It's hard to explain to people who care about you that you can't sleep and you're hearing voices all day and you're sad and you're just tired. By the time I was a teenager, I was so tired.”

In the weeks before Lane met Arnold in 2014, the voices were “saying something nice for the first time”. “They told me, ‘Hold on, something’s coming that will allow you to fill your purpose and let you breathe,’” she says. “People ask me all the time, ‘If American Honey didn't happen, what would you be doing?’ Truly, I don't think I'd be here. I think it saved my life.”

There is a serendipity to Lane’s acting career. First, American Honey came out of the blue. Then, in 2018, she starred in Desiree Akhavan’s gay conversion drama The Miseducation of Cameron Post as a girl raised in a hippy commune. The part resonated with Lane as someone who refuses to put a label on her sexuality and whose brother had a difficult time growing up gay and black in Houston. “I've never seen myself as someone who's like, ‘Hey, I'm queer, I'm bisexual, I'm this,’” says Lane. “I just have a very broad and open and unique way of loving. I can literally fall in love with a f***ing squirrel. Anyone.”

Her brother, she says, “always prayed he’d be normal”, much like the characters in Cameron Post try to “pray away the gay”. She says the film moved some elderly conservative viewers to tears and has helped to change people’s minds.

After that, Lane landed roles in the warm indie drama Hearts Beat Loud and the horror Daniel Isn’t Real, and her latest project is the US remake of Dennis Kelly’s Utopia, about a gang of bright youngsters who are in possession of a cult graphic novel that seems to predict disastrous real-world epidemics, making them the target of a shadowy deep state organisation. Lane plays yet another woman on the run, Jessica Hyde, who has been evading The Network all her life and who helps the young group survive.

Lane studied feral cats to get into the character’s mindset. “For them, everything is survival mode,” she says. “You're terrified someone's gonna capture you. You don't hang in packs because you're a loner. That's Jessica Hyde.”  

She may be stuck playing the rebel but, through playing misunderstood outliers like Jessica Hyde and Star, Lane wants her work to bring people together and help us to understand each other. “I’m not the biggest public speaker,” she says, “but if I can make films that touch hearts and connect people, that's beautiful. Of course I want to be a part of that.”

[sunflowersteves]

The Price of Freedom

Modern Mob!AU

2/11 Sam Wilson

Steve Rogers x fem!reader

Author: @cap-n-stuff​

Chapter summary: Steve has agreed to help you escape the treacherous Russian mob. Now, you’ll need Sam’s help to escape. What happens when the Council figures out your plan? [Heavily based on John Wick]

Ба́ба-Яга́ means the boogyman.

Also for those of you who don’t know, “bumpy” Johnson was a real mobster and the biggest in Harlem!

Song for Chapter: Death On Two Legs by Queen

Word Count: 3.4K

Author’s Note: LMAO I’m sorry I ended it on a little bit of a cliff hanger. I really enjoy this series. It’s so fun to write! Anyway, I hope you all enjoy! I’m not adding any links accept my masterlist so we’ll see if this works. I also tagged my own self but maybe that’s the issue too. I’m not sure. Hope it works!

Warnings: angst, some fluff, swearing, mentions of murder and illegal activities, mentions of minor character death, eventual smut, VIOLENCE AND BLOOD!!!

Masterlist // Series Masterlist // Next Chapter

You are now sitting in Steve’s car and driving to Harlem to meet Sam. The car ride was ridden with complete silence. He had one hand on the wheel and the other was gripping his knee. You sat in the passenger seat and tried to look anywhere but him. Honestly? You were a fidgety, nervous mess. Normally, you were an unresponsive, apathetic assassin that had blank expressions on your face at all times but Steve’s presence just makes you nervous. Especially considering the last time you saw him, really saw him, was the day you left.

His eyes drift onto your silhouette and you quickly looked out the window watching the sunset. Right now, you wanted nothing to do with confrontation. You wanted out of this disgusting corrupt world and start a family of your own. Of course, this leads to you thinking about Steve.

Being with him was one of the happiest memories you had other than your family. Steve showed you a life above the violence and killing. He showed you that despite learning more than five ways to kill somebody, you were still capable of normal romantic emotions. Damn, you remembered the night you left him pretty clearly.

Even that day had even been one of the best.

Steve had promised to show you aspects of Brooklyn since you were raised in Manhattan and in Harlem. So, you were going to a Cyclone game. You had never really watched baseball but before your parents passed, they considerably enjoyed the sport. Steve also reassured that he would teach you. You and Steve stood near the front of Calvert Vaux Park, near the MCU stadium in Coney Island. Clouds rolled into the area, casting shadows on the two of you.

Steve smiled and pulled you into an opened mouthed kiss, tongue swirling sweetly. He put a hand on the small of your back and pulled you in closer. Your hands came up and cupped his cheeks, feeling the slight gruff of his subtle coming in. Your lips tangled with love and passion, getting lost in the smell of sandalwood and cinnamon, aka, him. He pulled away making you whine. You stood there still entangled in his arms and watched him smirk.

You pick up your hand, and gently caress his cheek. “C’mon, мой сладкий [my sweet], let’s go watch the game.” He chuckled and interlaced his hand with yours. “God, you speaking Russian is the single most sexist thing.” You laughed wholeheartedly at his comment and shook your head. “Whatever, Залупа [dickhead].” Your lips slid into a smirk as he pestered you the whole walk about the meaning of that word. After a couple of blocks, you both walk into the stadium and sit down in your seats.

Being born into a Mafia had made both, you and Steve, forget what normal life was like. Until you found each other. Steve had then promised to show you that life. Steve told you that after the game, you were going to walk around Coney island and ride some of his favorite rides like the Cyclone Roller and the Soarin’ Eagle. To say you were jumping with giddiness was an understatement. Even, the next week, Steve was going to take you to a Brooklyn Nets game in Barclay stadium and he said while watching, you both had to have hotdogs and beer.

You were excited about this new life with Steve. You were both carefree and happy. Something you only found with Gamora and when Wanda was born. Never had you left love before this.

Now, sitting in your seats, Steve was yelling at some of the players for a ball settling on foul territory. His arm was around you while you snuggled into his side, enjoying some stadium nachos. And occasionally you’d slip a nacho in his mouth when he begged. Then, Steve was full of anger, making your seat wiggle slightly and you laughed at his demeanor. He poked his tongue at you but then one of the players scored a home run and the anger vanished into cheering. Your laugh was soon interrupted by your phone buzzing with an incoming call. You didn’t answer it at first but they kept calling. Steve watches as you check it.

No Caller ID. You knew it was your director, wanting some information on the next target they assigned you. You looked at Steve with sorrowful eyes but he understood, nodding his head and slightly waving his hand dismissively. As you walked away to a more private area, Steve was now furiously standing and continuing to yell at the poor players.

You pick up the phone, looking around for others so they don’t hear your conversation. “Да?” “Ба́ба-Яга́, you are to be reassigned immediately. You are to have no distractions. Leave for Senegal at 9 pm.” They immediately hung up and your stomach plummeted to the ground. You quickly return to your seat and don’t say a word, suppressing any tears that wanted to roll down your face.

How were you supposed to tell Steve? How were you supposed to tell the man you loved that you could no longer see him? You knew the ‘no distractions’ was a quip at Steve. They knew you were here. They always knew. God, your heart aches at the thought of telling him.

You could only look ahead, acting like you were intently watching the game but Steve could sense your displeasure. His hands slid onto your back, trying to comfort you. “Who was that? You okay, doll?” You nodded and you both continued to watch the game in silence. You just told yourself that this was for the best. There is no love in the world you two live in. Did you both really think that? Did you both really think you could be together? Have a happy life together?

That night you packed your bags and left for Senegal, never looking back.

Your mind was soon interrupted by Steve’s voice. “We’re here.” By this time it was dusk, the warm kisses of the sun split into the darkened twilight signifying that night has only begun. While the dimmed sky sits as if cushioned upon pure charcoal velvet, Steve finally pulls up into a hidden alleyway. He puts the car in park and slowly turns to you, eyes trying to lock with yours.

“Y/N.” You first don’t meet his but your eyes ultimately gravitate and clasp with him. “Look, Y/N, I think I-”  He was interrupted by a figure tapping on the window. He sighed up pushed the button that rolls down the window. A masked man tells Steve to continue to drive into the parking garage. You pull up into a parking spot and get out.

You both walk towards the elevators of the garage to see a man in a purple suit and a bunch of men behind him.

You grinned widely at the man in front of you. “Hey, Cottonmouth.” Sam walked up to you and wrapped his arms around you, giving you a tight squeeze. “Hey, little pumpkin.” You snorted at the nickname. And gave him a ‘whatever I can kill you.’ He punched you lightly in the shoulder and laughed. He then looked at you and Steve with a raised eyebrow. “Thought you two weren’t a thing anymore.” Steve was quick to defend you both. “We aren’t togeth-” Sam immediately interrupted Steve and gestured towards you. “It’s so good to see you! Thought you were in Saudi?” Steve just rolled his eyes playfully.

You nodded, “I was but I was relocated back to New York.” He nodded in understanding but quickly pulled you into another hug, sniffling a bit. “I’m sorry about your family, little pumpkin. Gamora was always a good business partner and friend. Wanda was a burst of sunshine too.” You sighed a bit at his words, lucky to have a friend like Sam in this grim life. He patted your back and guided the two of you inside.

You stared in awe at the inside of Apollo Theater, long ago, the Tarasov and “Bumpy’s” Mob did a lot of business in the theater together. “Bumpy” Johnson was the first really big mobster in Harlem, which coincidentally was Sam’s grandfather. The two mobs doing business resulted in you and Sam being trained together for their benefit which is why the two of you became good friends. “Damn, I didn’t realize how much I miss this place.” Sam chuckled and continued to guide you both to a table at the center of the theatres’ stage. The red and gold accents striking to the eye. “It’s a place easily missed.” The three of you sat down at the rounded table and continued to talk business.

“So you do the big weapons now, Cottonmouth?” You teased Sam slightly while he just playfully gasped. “I’ll have you know I’ve been doing this for a while!” Steve was pretty quiet when the two of you caught up which then made Sam tease him even further.

“I gotta admit, little pumpkin, this is not going to be an easy ride but I’ll be dammed if I don’t help you. One of us has to have a happy life.” He paused looking at his men, prompting them to go get the weaponry. “The Council can actually fuck itself. They’ve been corrupt for far too long.” You and Steve agree with him and he continues. “Now, to be able to get through the council’s reign and possibly the Tarasov, you’ll need some fine weaponry.”

Sam has his men pulls out a table from backstage that has a long line of weapons from grenades, AK-47’s, different types of daggers and blades, revolvers, battle rifles, shotguns, sniper rifles, pistols, grenade launchers, push blades, machetes, and polearms. You clapped your hands and rubbed them together as you stood up and gravitated towards the weapons.

“Woah there, little pumpkin.” Sam chuckled at your eagerness. “These are for Steve to pick from. I got something special for you.” As Steve grabbed what he wanted and placed them in duffle bags, Sam snapped his fingers towards one of his men and they came back with a velvet case. Sam had the man open it and your eyes widened at the set of gold daggers in front of you. “Sam. These are 2 million dollar knives I-” “oh, shit up and take it.” He rolled his eyes and paused, pushing the case of daggers towards you. “Think of it as thanks for all these years.” You nodded and picked up the golden knives in awe. “Thank you, Sam. You’ve always been like a big brother to me.” He smiled brightly and ruffled your hair endearingly.

Your talk was quickly disturbed by the sound of explosions in the distance. The three of you both look at each other but quickly take action as a redheaded woman came barreling inside the main theatre, shooting at anything that moves. She yelled at her men to come inside and they came rushing in. They were all able to get quite a few of Sam’s men. Steve throws the table on the ground, blocking the bullets that come hurtling towards you.

You quickly grab two of the knives and attach them to your waist and take ahold of a pistol that fell onto the ground. Checking the ammunition, you then swiftly shoved back the chamber of the gun. Steve does the same on his end with an AK-47 in his hands. Sam retreats towards backstage, a pillar blocking the bullets.

You look behind the table to see the woman fighting off more of Sam’s men and then with every chance, shooting at the table or pillar. Her aim was clearly all three of you. You brace yourself for a quick second. Steve’s eyes widened at your demeanor. “Cover me, Steve.” “Wait, Y/N, don’t-” You cut Steve off by you running from the table to the strange woman. He curses to himself and jumps above the table, shooting anyone that comes near you.

In that success, you grab ahold of the red-headed woman’s shoulders and lift yourself onto her back, triumphantly putting her in a chokehold and throwing the pistol she has away from her. She’s only caught off guard for a second as she then wraps her other hand around you and grabs your head yanking it to the ground.

You were able to catch yourself from falling and you waste zero time by aiming your gun at her but she quickly blocked the bullets with a dead body. She then runs up to you, aiming to punch your sides and legs but you blocked them. You were just about able to pull the trigger again when she kicks the gun out of your hand.

You took that opportunity to grab her by the neck, holding her in place, and repeatedly kick her stomach. She staggered a bit but got out of your hold by punching your jaw. You quickly try to reprimand her again but she instantaneously pulls out a dagger and throws it, lodging into your shoulder. You yell out in pain but your composure was fast and quick.

Steve was trying to get to you and give you help, especially when he heard you yelp in pain. He knew you could handle yourself quite well but he still wanted to help. For now, there were a bunch of this woman’s men surrounding him and he just kept fighting them off.

Steve looked over a quick second to see Sam help some of the men that were still alive, all while fighting off some men that come barreling towards him.

You quickly took the dagger out of your shoulder and slice down her arms in a zig-zag. Blood splatters onto you, thick and warm but this woman doesn’t want to back down. You went to cut her again but she blocks you and puts you in an arm hold. You use your leg and raise it high to kick her in the head. She stumbles at the impact which releases the grip she has on you.  

She looks at the three of you, Sam and Steve fighting off her men that keep getting closer and closer to you both, and then she looks at you. She knew that if she continued she wouldn’t last. You were too good, the Tarasov’s ‘best.’ You were about to attack again but she suddenly runs, trying to escape to one of the balconies. You ran after her, wanting as many answers from her as possible but she escapes through a small window. You look out the window, panting as she runs across the street, disappearing in the distance.

She was able to get away, unsuccessful at killing the three of you. Sam looks around, counting how many of his brethren had died from one woman. “I swear, I know her from somewhere.”

Sam turned towards the two of you, holding pressure on a gun wound. “I think you should visit T’Challa in Toronto. He’s there on business and may have some information about the Council and what the fuck they’re up to. Or even the Tarasov. I bet they both know you want to leave.” You nodded and made your way towards the car in the garage, both you and Steve getting in. You were still trying to figure out why that woman looked to familiar.

--

The car was indefinite in its silence. You just couldn’t believe that someone knew you were there. It was clear she was in the Tarasov but how did they know. How did Sam know?

You knew word travels fast in this world and secrets are practically nonexistent but the only person you’ve told is-

You whipped your head towards Steve which made him slightly jump at your action. “Jesus, Y/N-” You narrowed your eyes. “Did you tell them?” He quickly shook his head, trying to defend himself but you growled at his defiance to confess and continued to talk. “Fuck, Steve, I just want to know why? I thought I could trust you, I thought you could trust me.”

Steve’s face quickly looked at yours and then turned back towards the road. “I didn’t tell anyone, Y/N. I’m just as perplexed as you are. The only one I’ve told is Sam but there’s no way that he would rat you out nor let that many of his men die.” You nodded, knowing his statement was true. “Then how did they know?” he wiped a hand across his face, smearing some dried blood. “I don’t know-” You interrupted him, fury covering your eyes.

“You know, I can do this on my own. I don’t need you.” You cringed a little at Steve’s slight broken face. He wouldn’t lie saying your words didn’t hurt him. However, he quickly masked his face back to an emotionless one. “I swear to you, Y/N. I didn’t know. Even if I do have resentment towards you, I don’t hate you. I would never put you in danger.” He paused, knuckles tightening slightly on the steering wheel. “I owe you that.”

Then it clicked. Oh. Of course, he was just doing this to repay his debt to you. You’re fucking ridiculous to think otherwise. That’s how this world worked. If one had a debt, one kept that promise to fulfill it.

Steve pulled into a cheap motel as it was around 4 in the morning and because the road to Toronto was long, he knew you both needed some sleep. God, how could he say that to you? He wasn’t just doing this because he owed you. He knew that. He genuinely cared for you despite the deep internal wound that you left, which made him angrier than ever. How could the woman that left him, the woman that he was going to ask to marry still have so much effect on him?

He parked and you grabbed your belongings while Steve went to convince the concierge to give you both two rooms. He came back in success and gave you a key. You both immediately went on your separate ways. Although, without the two of you knowing, you both look at each other’s backs with anguish.

Once you get inside your hotel room, you immediately strip off your clothes and take a long steamy shower. Your thoughts came caving in about today. Fuck. How did they know? You thought you could trust Steve but was he just ratting you out for revenge? You really wanted to trust Steve and believe you meant as much to him as he means to you but something it doesn’t look like he’s telling you everything he knows.

Was it Sam? Was it just some spy that the Tarasov had assigned to you? One thing for sure was that you needed to find Nick Fury, an ex-council member and old friend.

After standing in the shower for a long time, you turn off the water and get out, put on a robe, and let your hair drip dry while sitting on the bed. Your head was buried deep into your hands as your mind continued to race.

There was no way a close and old friend like Sam would tell the council, however, people change. But you just refused to believe it. And Steve? You knew you were a bit resentful at yourself so your anger was just portrayed onto him. You honestly didn’t think Steve was the rat.

Your whole body tenses at the sound of a knock at your door. The only word going through your brain was ‘The Council.’ So, you instantly grab the Glock and magazine loader on your nightstand. You knew it had a full round of bullets so you quickly insert the loader and the clicking sound of the bullets being locked in followed.

You slowly make your way towards the door and as quietly as possible, shift back the chamber. Several more knocks have already sounded behind the door by this point. You hold the Glock slightly hidden on your side. You don’t even open the door, crouching near the side of it in case the intruder comes whisking inside. “Yes?” “It’s me.”

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise. It was Steve. You open the door to see a freshly showered Steve. He nervously rubbed the back of his neck with his hand and you lowered the gun, putting it on the table next to you. “Hey...Can we talk?”

Next Chapter

[ambivalentman]

THERE’S SOMETHING ABOUT MARY (1998)

In 2019, Peter Farrelly crossed the Dolby Theater stage at the 91st Academy Awards to proudly accept three Oscars, including Best Picture, for his drama Green Book. For any director, these Oscars would be a crowning achievement. To Farrelly, this was also an induction into the Hollywood fraternity—that rarefied group from whom he and his brother, Bobby, had long stood apart. The Farrelly brothers had at one time been maverick comedy filmmakers whose brand was just the right combination of offensive humor and heart. As Farrelly raised his Oscars for the crowd, he was no longer the goofy outsider who directed gross comedies. He was an important filmmaker.

Be that as it may, Green Book—despite the awards coronation—was every bit the offensive relative to Peter’s work with Bobby. The film had generated tons of criticism for its handling of race, leaning heavily on cultural stereotypes for its humor and pathos, and presented a morally superior view of white privilege while possibly misrepresenting the only nuanced Black character in the film. These criticisms dominated the Monday Morning Oscar Quarterbacking on podcasts and Twitter threads, putting just a little bit of tarnish on the filmmaker’s new trophies.

Criticism and controversy are not new to either Peter or Bobby Farrelly. Since their directorial debut in 1994 with Dumb & Dumber, they have walked the tightrope of all offensive comedians. As Roger Ebert said about them, their movies are “crude, vulgar, cruel, insensitive, scatological, perverse, and politically incorrect.” Gene Siskel made sure he added “gross and raunchy” to that list. They meant this as a compliment. People died watching Jeff Daniels experience exploding diarrhea in Dumb & Dumber, Woody Harrelson share a post-coital cig with his grotesque landlord in Kingpin, and Jason Alexander wag his tail in Shallow Hal. Few would call any of their oeuvre particularly deep—and should probably laugh at the pretense of referring to their filmography as an oeuvre.

The most controversial, and arguably most popular, film of the Farrelly’s career is 1998’s There’s Something About Mary. This one focuses on a generic loser named Ted (Ben Stiller), who holds a flame for his teenage crush, Mary (Cameron Diaz). Because Ted believes Mary may hold the key to his happiness, he hires a private dick named Healy (Matt Dillon) to find out where she is. Healy falls under Mary’s spell and leverages his influence to keep Ted away. As played by Diaz, Mary is a “smart girl who has a lot going for her”; however, Mary isn’t particularly observant and awfully naïve. Every man she encounters falls for her, and she has a litany of stalkers who will do anything to possess her.

Based on description alone, There’s Something About Mary presents as a harmless rom-com, but the Farrelly’s bring their edgy style to the film. This movie is packed with indecent images. Ted’s “Franks N’ Beans.” Mary’s “hair gel.” The fish hook. Magda’s makeout session with her dog, Puffy. Woogie’s face. The gross stuff is what it is, but the material that sticks are the stalking and how the depiction of Down’s Syndrome impacted perception of those with mental handicaps. Reviewing this film through the lens of 2021 causes even more cringing than it did in 1998.

You could tell that even in 1998 there was a narrative building around this movie. In a press interview, Ben Stiller said, “I wouldn’t necessarily associate this film with deep social commentary. I think it’s a sweet movie that you can go out and laugh at.” Diaz added, “With this film, I know that [the Farrelly Brothers] wanted to have characters—people—that were important to the audience. They wanted a love story that people could really get involved with, as well as have the comedy.” She also said more recently in 2018, “Peter and Bobby have such heart in all of their movies. No matter how shocking the comedy is, there is so much that is inherently good about the story and the characters that really appeals to people and it makes the laughter at the jokes a little more forgivable.”

From the get-go, everyone on the project knew somethings were going to be potentially problematic. Studio brass expressed some concern over the decision to make an R-rated comedy. The PG-13 rating had squeezed out the R-rated comedy to the point that very few were being made. Movies like Friday (1995), Flirting with Disaster (1996), Private Parts (1997) and The Big Lebowski (1998) all had pretty limited audiences. No one was convinced an adult comedy could even make a buck, let alone entertain. Besides, the Farrelly’s previous film, Kingpin (1996), had bombed, so could they even be the duo to make a lucrative R-rated comedy.

On the set, there were concerns, too. Diaz worried about whether the infamous “hair gel” scene was a bridge too far, and might possibly be the ruin of her rising career. During the scene where Puffy falls out a window, Bobby Farrelly needed to get the right reaction from Diaz and co-star Lin Shaye, so he dropped his pants and wiggled his ass. It wasn’t the first time the director had done this, either on or off set. According to Peter, Bobby liked doing this; it would one day get him in some trouble. And the production was surprised when Plantation City Hall, whose veneer was redressed to become the exterior of Ted and Mary��s high school, asked to have their name removed from the film’s credits because they didn’t want to be associated with anything “lewd and offensive.” The studio was also worried about the decision to include a close up of Ted’s “franks n’ beans” after he catches them in his zipper. That shot was got by creating a 4’x2’ prop, and inserted just in case it needed to be cut out of the film. Fox chairman, Peter Chernin, after seeing a test screening, told the Farrelly’s, “It’s perfectly reprehensible; don’t touch a thing.”

There were also questions about the portrayal of Warren, Mary’s brother, who has Down’s Syndrome. Peter Farrelly said, “Whenever you did [write disabled characters] back then, it seems the studio was, ‘No, no, no! People are uncomfortable’ [with disabilities]. And I’m like, ‘No, they’re not. That’s bull. People have disabilities, so let’s see them.” Warren was based on a next-door neighbor of the Farrelly’s to whom the family was close. The young man is also cast in the film as one of Mary’s students. It also seems casting may have been one way to circumvent controversy surrounding Warren. Initially, it looked like the part would go to Chris Farley, who was hot at that time for his work on Saturday Night Live. However, Farley’s energy may have contributed to seeing Warren as a caricature, so the production went with W. Earl Brown. Brown wanted to play Warren as a real person, not a cartoon. He said in a 2018 interview with Variety, “I just feel instinctively, ‘If you goof this, if you play it broad and you try to be funny, it ain’t going to be funny. The audience is going to hate you because you are mocking somebody with a handicap,’” This didn’t stop anyone from seeing the film as a possible Pandora’s box of disabled stereotypes and disparagement humor.

The other controversy surrounding this movie has become more pronounced in the social media age. Does There’s Something About Mary normalize sexual predation and stalking? Critic Rachel Verona Cote said, “Humor that takes stalking seriously requires nimbleness and nuance that the Farrelly brothers lack; instead, they trade in crude jokes underpinned by the structurally misogynist ‘boys will be boys’ mythos.” There may be something to this criticism. In 2016, a University of Michigan research study, entitled “I Did It Because I Never Stopped Loving You,” found that women are often more tolerant of aggressive male behavior because of the normalizing of such behavior in romantic comedies. There’s Something About Mary was one of the films cited in the report, which suggested that the film’s excusal of male aggression supported “stalking myths,” which were defined as “false or exaggerated beliefs about stalking that minimize its seriousness.” Findings like these also support research that has been going on since Harriet Martineau began pioneering the field of gender conflict. The Martineau Theory suggested that exposure to disparaging humor towards a particular group often has the result of inducing tolerance towards prejudice directed at that group. Martineau’s work focused on gender theory, but could just as easily be applied to any group.

Obviously, there is no truly right or wrong answer in regards to There’s Something About Mary, but as you watch the film, it seems a new lens may need to be applied. Even as we laugh at the cringeworthy humor of the Farrelly Brothers, what is their target? What behaviors are they excusing? Ben Stiller suggested there was no deeper political meaning to the film, but does that deeper meaning have to be intended to be valid? As There’s Something About Mary nears its 25th anniversary, we now look at it with more nuance, also with the realization that Peter Farrelly’s Oscar victories for Green Book suggest his once outsider take on comedy and culture is now firmly at the center.

[mirkwoodshewolf]

Give love one more chance; Gwilym Lee x reader

*Author’s note*

Hello everyone well I have yet another request that came from my wattpad account and this time the request is all about our lovely mini-Bri Gwilym Lee. Now as a warning THERE IS HEAVY MENTIONS OF CHEATING (not on Gwil’s part but it’s for the back story) and due to that there is angst but I PROMISE FLUFF IS THROUGHOUT MOST OF THIS STORY esp. once the ending comes around. So I hope you all enjoy this little fic and until the next update my darlings :)

Taglist:

@plethora-of-things​

@psychosupernatural​

@waddles03​

@ixchel-9275​

@georgesgentlyweepingguitar​

@queendeakyy​

@geek-and-proud​

@simonedk​

@kairosfreddie​

__________________________________________________________

I was walking around the main stage set where they would be filming the most iconic scene ever, the Live Aid sequence. I was just in awe at how the stage designers were following everything by the book, from the brick wall patterns, to the posters that hung on them at the time, even some of the paint chipping away.

For those that are curious, the name’s (y/n) (l/n). I’ve been on the road with Queen ever since they started working alongside my best friend, Adam Lambert.  Yep, Adam and I go way back since middle school as a matter of fact.  We were both the awkward kids who no one really paid attention too and loved classic rock, esp. Queen.  When Adam told me he was planning to audition for American Idol, I just couldn’t let him go on alone.

I was his big supporter and went to every live performance cheering him from the sidelines, even helping his team organize and making sure he had everything he needed to his performances.  And even though he was a runner up, he was still a winner in my book.  Then when he came out to me as well as the world about his sexuality, that didn’t change my perspective of him.  I stuck by him because we were the Odd-kids through thick and thin.

Then by 2014 he met up once again with Queen a few years after performing with them back during his season of American Idol and that’s when they offered Adam to be the new leading man for their concerts and thus Queen+Adam Lambert was born.

And then just two years later, Queen officially began to project that was the film ‘Bohemian Rhapsody.’  Adam had invited me along since he had a small little cameo to play and he said that I could potentially have a small role in the film too, but I turned to role down.  I just—never really fit well with a camera’s attention on me.

But here I am as support for Adam as well as Brian and Roger.  Those two men have really become role models and sorta like second dad’s to me in a way. When life got to stressful on the road; Brian always took me aside and the two of us would look at the SaveMe animal videos he had on his website, while Roger was the one with the good therapeutic music to listen to, he even got me into some bands that I never really had the chance to listen too.  Even his former solo band’s ‘The Cross’ music.

“Oh my god. This is beautiful.” It was then I bumped into someone’s back.

“Oh sorry my fault.” We both said at the same time but when I looked up to see just who it was that I had bumped into, I felt like I needed to do a double take because I swear to god I thought I was looking at Brian May at the time of Live Aid.

“Wow you’re gorgeous.” I thought I had said in my head but apparently my lips just had to voice it out loud to him. Embarrassingly I hid my face but I heard the Brian look-alike softly chuckle and he said.

“It’s fine love, I’m flattered, really. Guess I really look the part don’t I?”

“Yeah.” I nervously giggled.

“I’m Gwilym. And as you can probably tell by the wig, I’m playing Brian May in the film.”

“(Y/n). I’m uhh—Adam’s best friend.” God could this be any more humiliating.

“Oh so you’re the one Brian and Roger told us about. The clever roadie.”

“Well I wouldn’t call myself clever. They just flatter me because I work for them.”

“No, no, no. Brian especially talks about how you’ve been able to work on fixing all the AMPS that break down during rehearsal, or knowing when exactly his red special needs a tuning or new string set.” I blushed and that’s when he said, “Oh I’ve gone and rambled making you uncomfortable. I’m so sorry (y/n).”

“It’s fine Gwilym. So is this your first acting gig? Or have you been doing this for a while?”

“I guess you could call me a child actor. My first gig was in a show called Animal Ark, I think I was 13 years old when I auditioned for it. Then after getting my education I dived fully into the acting industry with a few television shows and a few movies. My recent big project was when I was in Midsomer murders, have you heard that show?”

“I think so. My dad was always into British tv more than American tv. Even though he was born in Minnesota.”

“I was only on for only 3 series before I went into some other projects.”

“Well I’d love to see the show sometime. And you said it was called midtown murders?”

“Midsomer, actually.”

“Oh right sorry.”

“It’s okay.”

And that’s kinda what we ended up doing.  We just sat there and talked right up until it was time to start filming.  I wished him good luck and as the actors got into place, I stood beside Roger, Brian’s daughter Emily and Peter “Phoebe” Freestone.  Shortly after the boys entered the stage much like Queen did 31 years Brian came up and sat down beside me and that’s when Rami, who was playing Freddie, set down at the piano and the guys all began to play the full Live Aid set.

As I looked at each of them I knew each of these guys had done their homework.  And seeing them in full costume and shtick, it was like I was actually there at the concert seeing them.  Of course my eyes were especially focused on Gwil who played Brian’s red special with such ease and finesse, it was like I was really watching Brian during the time of Live Aid.

Of course being a Queen fan, I couldn’t help but interact with each song they did, the double handclap for Radio Gaga and We will rock you, following along to the Aye-oh’s, headbanging to Hammer to fall, dancing to Crazy little thing called love, and swaying to We are the champions.

After doing several rehearsals, Dexter finally decided to film the guys for real this time.  And even though it was cold and the guys were probably exhausted, they still managed to perform the whole show once more with even more energy and enthusiasm when the cameras were really recording.  By the end of it all, I couldn’t wipe the smile off my face.

When I finally came backstage after the guys and some of the crew congratulated them on a job well done, I don’t know why it happened but I couldn’t help but fling myself towards Gwilym and embrace him.

“Seems our Brian look-alike has found his little groupie.” Teased Rami using his Freddie voice.  At that point I backed away and released him.

“Sorry. I just—got a little excited. Seeing you four up there it was like—finally seeing all four members of Queen back together for the first time in a long time.”

“We’re glad you loved it (y/n).” Gwilym said with a soft smile that made butterflies tickle my stomach.

“So you said you love Queen? What’s your favorite song of theirs?” asked the John Deacon look alike, damn much like Gwil, he definitely looked like Deacy, I can see why the casting directors chose him, it was like he was his son or something.

“Oh god well don’t tell them this but it’s definitely Somebody to love.”

“I like her already. We match!” he raised his hand up for a high five which I complied to give him as he introduced himself as Joe Mazzello.

Pretty soon I knew the other two actor’s names, Ben Hardy who was playing Roger, and Rami Malek who was playing the legend himself Freddie Mercury.

*Brian’s POV*

As I watched our genius little roadie chat up with the actors playing us, my mind kept going back to that hug she gave my look-alike.

“I know you saw that right, I mean I maybe blind as a fucking bat but I know my eyes didn’t deceive me on what I just saw.” Roger said as he came up to me.

“Your eyes do not lie Rog. I saw what you saw.”

“You know our girl doesn’t just hug any random guy.”

“Yep. And that shy little gleam in her eyes, dare I say I think our mini-Deacy is in love with my look alike.”

“Not to say I’m happy for her, but I feel like she could’ve chose better.” Roger teased.

“Oh shut it you old tart, you’re just jealous she didn’t pick your actor.”

“Nothing against yours, cause bloody hell it’s like I’m looking at you 30 years ago over there.” I softly chuckle. Yeah they definitely casted the perfect actor to play me, and seeing Gwilym with the wig on its…..mind boggling (although I had to slightly adjust the wig a bit) but other than that he was perfect. “So, shall we go and confront her about it?”

“Now hold on Rog, you know how she gets when she’s being fully confronted. She’ll completely shut down. Let’s—wait it out. See what happens, and then we’ll see if this is something to discuss with her. But it’ll be on my terms.”

“You just wanna suck the joy out of everything.” I shook my head at Roger’s statement before turning back towards (y/n) and Gwilym.  Seeing the two of them talking and laughing with each other warmed my heart.  Because ever since we’ve met her, (y/n) has been the best roadie we’ve ever had.  She’s always on top of every sound and light equipment we’ve got, she knows how Adam likes his speakers to sound and she’s even clever enough to see when I need a new string set on my guitars or when Roger’s kit needs a tuning because of a loose screw that might’ve happened while unloading.

But for whatever reason she sometimes puts herself down, claiming that she’s not all what we’ve both told her she is. That she’d rather just remain invisible, and I can understand some of her pain because I’ve been there myself with my own self-doubt and insecurities.  So I hope that if her and Gwilym do somehow manage to form a relationship, he could probably help her see that she is more than she seems.

*My POV*

After a couple weeks of being on set, Gwil and I were definitely spending a lot of time together and every time we got the chance to hang out, we’d talk about our lives or love of Queen.

“So you and Adam Lambert really knew each other that long?” he asked me.

“Yep. It just happened one day during lunch, I was the new kid in town and I feared no one wanted to hang out with me so I ended up eating in the courtyard by myself when Adam, all donned up with his green dyed stripped bangs introduced himself and we’ve been friends ever since.”

“So he was even extravagant even back then.”

“Yep. Then when we found out we both had a love for Queen, he refused to let me out of his life afterwards, cause I was the only friend he had that liked or even knew who Queen were.”

“Wait are you serious?”

“Dead serious. It’s hard to find people to talk about classic rock with when all they cared about was the rap music or Britney Spears. Or spice girls.”

“Wow.”

“So how did you come to know Queen’s music?”

“You’ll have to thank my old brother. He had basically almost every single Queen record there was, one day I heard him play Bohemian Rhapsody and I was curious. And I guess you could say the rest is history.”

“Well then your brother gets an A+ from me for good music taste.”

“So how is it touring with Queen and Adam?”

“Well I’ve toured with Adam for so long it just feels like a normal hang out day for us. Once he got the offer to tour with Queen themselves it was like not only meeting my role models but they became family to us. Brian and I have a common love for animals, so much so that I’ve become a daily donor to his SaveMe organization.”

“Hey Gwilym. They’re ready to start filming.” One of the producers came up.

“Well that’s my cue, see you after?”

“You bet.” We stood up and I went ahead and sat down at one of the chairs and watched as the guys did the performance for a Japan concert.  I’ll admit even with the 70’s silk/satin angel shirt that he was wearing, he still looked pretty handsome and he sure was a brilliant guitarist if I do say so myself.

“I see what you’re doing.” Adam’s sing-song voice whispered in my ear.  I came out of my daze and whispered to him.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

“Oh don’t play dumb with me dearie. I have eyes I’m not blind.” I shook my head and went back to paying attention to the guys now doing Brian’s song ’39.  I clapped along with the song and softly sung the words (cause out of every song Bri had written, this was definitely my #1 fav.)  When Dexter called cut, I suddenly felt myself being dragged away and soon found myself in a closet of sorts.

“Adam what the fuck is the matter with you?”

“Well would you rather talk about this out there where everyone can hear, potentially your secret lover too?” I immediately covered his mouth with my hand and I hissed at him as I shushed him.

“Shh! Shh! Speak louder why don’t you I don’t think they heard all the way from Glasgow!” I then retracted my hand in disgust as I felt him actually lick my palm. “Why must you do that?”

“Cause I know it annoys you.” He shrugged.

“You can be such an asshole sometimes Lambert.”

“Yeah but you always stick around me dearie.” He said smugly as he leaned up against the wall of the closet crossing his arms. “Now as I was saying back there, you’re really starting to get attached to Brian’s mini-him aren’t you?”

“No!” I snapped abruptly.  He quirked his brow at me before I cleared my throat and said. “No, we’re just friends is all Adam. In fact if you keep going down this path, I might just replace you with him.”

“That hurts (n/n), that really hurts.” He mocked in pain as he placed his hand over his heart and gave me the puppy dog pout. “But girl c’mon for realzies, what’s up with you?”

“Nothing is up, okay can you just drop it? Now if you’ll excuse me Gwilym and I are due for a coffee break.” I walked out of the closet and stormed out trying to get my mind off of what Adam was hinting.  As I was walking, I soon came up to Gwilym and when he saw me he smiled and I tried to calm my anger down as I approached him calmly.

“You okay (y/n)?”

“Yeah, yeah why would you say that?”

“Just—for a moment it looked like you were pissed at something.”

“Oh nothing you need to worry about, so you free for some coffee and catering? I know you’ve got a long day ahead of you, might not be a bad idea to have a good lunch.”

“Great because I had to skip breakfast when my alarm failed to wake me up this morning.”

“Well then we better hurry. We need food stat, can’t have one of the four Queen members perform on an empty belly.” We then raced over towards the catering and got us some food and coffee.

When we got it and was now walking through the studio where they were now setting up the Madison Square Garden set just opposite of where the Japan stage was earlier this morning.

“Wait so that actually happened?” asked Gwilym.

“He tries to deny it and blames it on the poor lighting the camera had but don’t be fooled. His son Rufus told me the whole story of how it happened.”

“I can’t believe he made his hair green.”

“His hair was already blonde as it was, he’s lucky it didn’t make his hair bleach blonde.”

“Well that’s not as funny as Joe thinking he’ll be able to wash out that perm he got.”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa he thinks what now?”

“Yeah Joe thinks that in the next week or two it’s gonna grow out and go back to normal.”

“Oh my god Joey!” I laughed.

“Like just the other night we were all out in the pub the four of us and he was chatting away to a girl with his Yankees cap on. So I went up and flipped the hat off and said as I pointed to his hair ‘he’s got a perm’!” I couldn’t help but laugh hysterically.

“You are so bad.”

“Yeah. Bad wingman but good friend.” I continued laughing which turned into giggles.

“Ahh Joey, Joey, Joey, Joey.”

“GAHH SON OF A BITCH!!!” we both heard someone call out.

“Uh-oh.” I said as Gwil and I looked at each other and set out stuff aside on a nearby table before racing across the studio and I asked. “What happened?”

“Damn circuits in these lights shocked me and now I can barely feel my hand anymore.” Said one of the light engineers.

“Okay, okay here let me see it.” I walked up to him and held his hand in both of mine.  There was some slight swelling but I thankfully no serious burn marks. “Well good news is, is that there’s no serious burn marks. But it is swollen red. I suggest some ice and rest for the rest of the day. And get a medic to check out your reflexes in case the shock might’ve nulled your muscles.”

“But we need another light technician to help us raise these lights for the Madison Square Garden set.” Said a female volunteer.

“You’re looking at your spare one. Besides I’ve spent my whole life with Roger and Brian to know how they want MSG to look. Now, what’s your name?” I turned to the guy who got shocked.

“Arnold.”

“Arnold, go see a medic about your injury and take the rest of the day off. Anyone asks or has a problem with it, send them my way, okay?”

“Okay, thank you.” He said with a slight smile before heading out to the medics trailer.

“Okay now what exactly are we dealing with here?” I asked the seven other light technicians.

“Well we’re trying to make sure all these lights intersect with each other so that they can change colors like they do at the real MSG. Arnold was working on the main circuit board to work the code in when it backfired and you heard what happened as the result.”

“Okay well first things first it could’ve been prevented if he were wearing gloves, rookie mistake.” I then took out my gloves that I always keep on me in my back pocket and put them on. “Goggles.” I said as I extended my arm out and someone handed me some spare goggles.  Once I had them on I proceeded to work.

I called out for various equipment pieces like the 4 in 1 Podger rachet, a Leatherman supertool, and some batteries. Once I had the main board opened I began working on finding the loose circuit that probably caused Arnold’s shocking surprise because that needed to be fixed immediately.

Using a mini-flashlight I managed to find the area and found the problem.

“Okay I see the problem. Can someone hold the flashlight for me?”

“I got it.” Said one of the female volunteers as she came up and took the flashlight from me and I went right to work on the wires, making sure they were tucked in correctly and un exposed.  It took some time but by the end of it all, I punched the code that was needed for the lights to turn on.

“There, that should do it.” I said as I took my gloves off and removed my goggles.

“Okay boys raise her up!” called the main lighting technician and soon the lights were raised up.  Then using his phone, he activated the lights and they soon began shining into a red and blue pattern that would go along with the orange, yellow and green pattern.  The light technicians clapped and thanked me for the assistance and when I turned to Gwil, he just had this awed look on his face.

“Sorry you had to see that. Whenever I hear a technical problem I just gotta jump in.”

“Well I’m glad you did. I was amazed to see how you were able to work all that out.”

“Oh it’s not that hard. All I had to do was just tighten the circuits and then replace the batteries while also—oh there I go again. My tech ramblings again, sorry if I’m boring you Gwilym you don’t need to hear all that.”

“No, no, no it’s genius. I mean back when I was doing theater in secondary and university, I never really had a good grasp on the tech theater side of it even though I was trying my best.”

“Not everyone does. I was the only one who took the class seriously back in high school. Everyone else rather just look at their magazines or porno books. Don’t ask me how they snuck it in.”

“Wow, well thankfully they had you to take it seriously.”

“Uh-huh.” I said sadly as I looked down and rubbed my wrist nervously.

“(Y/n)?”

“Hmm?”

“You okay?”

“Yeah, yeah I’m fine. Just—thinking back.”

“Anything you’d…..like to share? I’ve been told I’m a good listener.”

“Thank Gwilym but I don’t wanna bore you with my life. C’mon let’s get back to our food before you’re needed on set again.” I said as I walked away and went back to my donuts and Cinnabons.  Gwil followed behind me and began to eat his celery and carrots as well as drinking his coffee, as we ate I tried my best to avoid eye contact with him up until I finished my things and tossed them in the bin before heading out.

Making an excuse that Bri and Rog had texted me saying that they wanted to talk about the lighting and sound for their next concert.

Later that night as everyone was packing up to do some of the outdoor scenes like Adam’s big cameo appearance, I found myself standing away from the set just staring up at the night sky.

“Penny for your thoughts?” I looked up to see Gwil coming by to sit beside me in the spare chair where Adam was just sitting at before he went to hair and makeup.

“Just—taking in the sky.” He looked up and he said.

“It’s a full moon out tonight.”

“Yep. The one time for a straight week where the tides are stronger and can sometimes have an effect on the human mind.”

“Quite the philosopher you are.”

“Well I did minor in it in college. My major was in electrical engineering.”

“So not only good with your hands but also a brilliant mind in philosophy as well. No wonder why Brian calls you the mini-Deacy.” I smiled briefly.

“The reason why I know about the full moon is because of him. He did give me a little lecture on astronomy. But I’d be lying if I didn’t have a fascination with space already. Just—never could understand the specific science talk it came with.”

“I hear yah. When I was a kid; my brother and I would go out to the backyard and we’d just look up at the stars and make as many pictures with them as we could. Sometimes we even stayed out all night. Worried my mum to no end.”

“I think it’d worry me too if my kids ended up staying outside in the cold night with no blankets or a tent to sleep in.” we turned to look at each other and once again Gwil had this awed look on his face, just like he did this afternoon. “What is it?”

“Nothing it’s just…..” he trailed off.

“Just what?”

“Your eyes.”

“M—my eyes?”

“They….they sparkle underneath the moonlight. Almost like they were two stars themselves.” I was speechless.  I felt my heart race and my face beginning to heat up.  I turned away probably blushing as red as an apple right now.  I felt Gwil’s hand gently go on top of mine, before intertwining them together which made me look up at him.  It was then I saw him lean closer towards me, his forehead pressing against mine while his nose gently brushed up against mine.

At this point I could hear my heart racing in my ears as the smell of his cologne sent me into a hypnotic state.  I felt his hand cup the side of my face as he faintly whispered.

“So beautiful.” But just before he could kiss me, Joe’s voice could be heard from a mile away.

“YO GWIL WHERE ARE YAH!? WE’RE ABOUT TO START FILMING!!!”

“If this is payback for the pub he’s so gonna get it.” I heard him mutter angrily.  He turned back towards me and he said, “Sorry love.”

“It’s okay.” I strained out. “Just, just, just, just go film your scenes for the night.” I said as I crossed my arms over me protectively and looked down.  I couldn’t look at him, I just couldn’t find the strength to do so.  I then heard him walk away and that’s when the tears started pouring down.

I took off running to the nearest place I could find.  I didn’t even bother to look and see what it was, all I wanted to know was that I could be alone and that I could cry to myself in peace.  I collapsed to the floor on my butt and tucked my legs up into my chest and began to softly cry.

I don’t know how long I was crying in wherever I was for but it was then I heard the door open and soon coming in was Adam and Rami.

“(Y/n)?” Adam said surprised.  I felt myself being torn down as I had finally been revealed. I must’ve came into the hair and makeup trailer and now that they were probably calling it quits, everyone would soon come in and see me crying my eyes out.

“(Y/n) you okay?” Rami asked.

“Hey uhh Rami could you give us a moment alone? Maybe guard the door so that no one comes in just yet?”

“Yeah, yeah sure thing.” I heard the door shut and that’s when I saw Adam sit down in front of me.  I looked up at him to see him in the truck driver get up with the full beard and long haired wig.

“You were right. Okay you wanna hear me say it Adam Lambert?! You were right! I’m in love with Gwilym Lee!”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa okay. Okay. Calm down, calm down.” He said as he cautiously reached forward and gently gripped my arms in his hands. “I’m happy you finally came to terms with it dearie, that’s great news actually. But what’s got you so upset?”

“For Christ sake Adam tell me you didn’t forget about the bullying I had to endure all throughout middle and high school! And Jared!” at the mention of the boy’s name his eyes widened and he said.

“Okay hold on, wait just a damn second. Gwilym is nowhere near what that dick Jared was. I’ve seen the two of you together and he makes you happier way more than what Jared did.”

“Well Jared made me happy until he did what he did!” I looked down at my knees and continued lowly, “Oh Adam. I thought I could just keep up a friendship with Gwilym, but now I—” I trailed off as more sobs came up my throat as I choked out, “Now I…..I wish I never came here!” I then broke down once more.

I felt Adam sit close beside me before he wrapped his arms around me bringing me into his chest and kissing my forehead as he rubbed my back in soothing circles and stroked down my hair.

Once I calmed down after what felt like crying all night, Adam took me out of the trailer and already I could see a crowd of people including Gwil standing around asking all sorts of questions at seeing me.

“Guys please. No questions are necessary and please don’t ask me because I won’t answer them either. What was said in the trailer stays between (y/n) and me.” Adam made a clear statement before finally taking me away to find Brian or Roger.

When we finally came across Roger, he soon got protective and asked.

“What happened?”

“Roger could you just take (y/n) back to the hotel, I’ll explain later.”

“Alright, come with me lovie.” I was soon switched out from Adam’s arms to Roger’s and he guided me towards his car.  He helped me into the backseat where I could hide away while he drove us back to the hotel.

I was now in my room lying on my bed hiding under the blankets after just spending a long time under the hot water trying to get rid of the memories of Jared.

You see—I had met Jared during the first collaboration with Adam and Queen.  He was actually one of Brian’s roadies and helped set up all of Brian’s AMPS.  We had a common love for electronics and gradated with the same major even being an ocean apart.  We shortly began dating afterwards and were madly in love.

But when a serious accident caused him to take an early retirement from being on the road since the damage had been done to his lower back.  Which left me to go on the road with Queen and Adam, but we still kept in touch.

Fast forward to just a year ago after four years of dating, I began to wonder if there was gonna be a future with the two of us together.  So one day after we had gotten done with a tour, I get a text from Jared saying that the next night he wanted to meet me at the very restaurant where we had our first official date at.  Adam of course was thrilled thinking that a proposal was in the horizon so he helped me get dolled up the next morning (even with him being completely jetlagged) and I met Jared at our restaurant.

I was trembling with anxiety but also with joy. He took my hand, looked deep into my eyes and that’s when he dropped the bombshell, but it wasn’t what you’d think it was.  Jared had confessed to me in our restaurant where we had our first date, along with many others that he had been cheating on me.

But not just with one woman, not two, not three, but lots of women.  All in the entire span we had been dating.

I refused to listen to anything else he had to say as he tried to defend himself.  But no that’s not the worst part, the worst part of it was, was that the following day (after crying in Adam’s arms all day), Jared came to the stage where Queen and Adam were performing in London and tried to win me back. Saying that it was just a fluck and that he still loved me with all his heart.

He’d constantly tried to call or text me over 100 times a day.  The harassment went on for months till finally I had a restraining order put against him and if he should violate it in the state of England, he’d be arrested. To which he was and was sentenced to five years in jail for refusal to obey the restraining order as well as stalking (yeah he’d stalk me cross country during some of the tours and even snuck backstage and confronted me with arms open and tears rolling down his face).

Ever since then, I’d been afraid to love again because what if they end up being another Jared.  Charming, sweet, noble, funny and charismatic, but the second I turn my back he’d go and sleep with half the women in America. And then make me to be the bad guy because I couldn’t give them a chance to explain why he had to cheat.

I heard a knock at the door and I could only groan as my door soon opened and I felt three separate dips around my bed.

“Adam told us (y/n).” Brian’s voice said. I groaned and buried myself into my pillow.

“You know you’ll suffocate yourself if you do that.” Adam said.

“Better that than dealing with this bitch.” I groaned pitifully.

“C’mon (n/n), come out from under there and look at us.” Roger said. I shot up and glared at him and said.

“There, happy? Goodnight!” before I could collapse back down onto the bed, Adam held me up and trapped me in his arms as he said.

“Stay out here.”

“(Y/n). We know that—you know who really hurt you.” Brian started off.

“Hurt doesn’t even come close to how I felt the day he told me that. God never did I want to kill someone until that day.”

“I don’t blame you, none of us do.” Adam said as he rubbed my back. “But you can’t let what Jared did affect you for the rest of your life.”

“Think it’s already a little too late for that.”

“No it’s not. Because look at what you’ve accomplished since his arrest. The only guys you had a close connection with are me and the guys. Now you’ve become friends with Rami, Ben, Joe and Gwil. And what’s even greater is that you’ve come to accept that you’re starting to have feelings for Gwil.” Adam said.  I looked down and I said.

“How do I know it’ll work out? What if it’s like Jared all over again?”

“You’ll never know unless you go for it.” Roger said. I looked between the three of them but didn’t answer.

“The choice is up to you (y/n). Just make sure that whatever you do decide, you won’t regret it. And just listen to your heart. We’ll support you no matter what you choose.” Brian said as he placed a comforting hand to my shoulder.  I nodded and thanked the guys as they brought me into a group hug.

The next morning I came onto set for the last time (since Adam was done with his cameo, he was needed back at the studio to promote some of his solo stuff, and as his SM manager I needed to be there to spread the word) to confront Gwilym and finally let go of the past (if I could).

I walked around the set till I finally found the person I was searching for.  He was fiddling around with a mock Red special practicing before he would have to film the ‘We will rock you’ scene.  I took a deep breath in before exhaling out and walked towards him.

“Hey Gwil?” he looked up at me and said.

“(Y/n). You’re—you’re still here. I thought you and Adam already left?”

“No, not till tomorrow. I uhh—I wanted to talk to you. About……” I trailed off and that’s when he stood up setting the guitar down and finished my thought.

“About last night?” I nodded. He sighed heavily as he pressed his hands to his face, “I’m really sorry (y/n). I never meant to upset, I was impulsive and stupid to do that. Can we just forget what happened? I was way out of line.”

“Actually Gwilym I—I have something to confess. But can we talk somewhere privately?”

“Of course, we can talk in my trailer. If you’re comfortable with that.” I nodded and soon the two of us headed towards his trailer.

When we got there, he closed the door and I sat down on his sofa while he sat down at one of his chairs and said.

“Okay (y/n), what is it you need to confess?” my leg was bouncing up and down as I tried to formulate the words that I was about to tell him.  I felt the familiar sting of tears in my eyes.

“God I’m sorry.” I choked out.

“No, no, no never feel sorry about this. Please take your time.”

“Last night I—I wasn’t upset because of the, well the about to be kiss. In fact I—I wanted to kiss you too.”

“But.” He stated knowing that I had something else to add on.

“There’s a—reason why I’m so insecure about myself. And—why I haven’t been in a relationship.” I then proceeded to tell him everything.  From the bullies at school, to Jared’s story and how badly he had hurt me. Used me. Treated me like trash.  By the end of it all, Gwil was leaning up against his chair with a heavy expression.

“That son of a—bloody hell. (Y/n) I—I’m so, so sorry you had to go through that hell.”

“Brian, Roger and Adam made it easier on me. After his arrest they allowed me to take some time off from the rest of the tour that I was dealing with to decompress from all that stress. I thought I would never love someone ever again. Until……I met you.” I admitted the last part shyly.

“You—you love me?”

“It’s okay if you don’t feel the same. I just—had to get it off my chest. So if I’ve made things awkward between us now, I’m sorry. We don’t have to see each other again.”

“(Y/n), (y/n) (y/n) (y/n) (y/n), (y/n).” Gwil came up and knelt in front of me and held my face in his hands. “Sorry you were starting to ramble on so much I could barely understand you.”

“Sorry. Adam always said I did that whenever I get to anxious. Bad trait of mine.”

“No worries love. Now to put your fears and anxiety aside, I want to tell you that I felt the same way about you. After spending these last few weeks together, I came to know the real you and not just through the stories from Brian and Roger. But now hearing this story, which I commend you for telling me. I know you didn’t have to tell me but you did. And I could go on and on about my feelings for you but to summarize it all up, if you’ll give me a chance. I’ll show you that not all men are like that selfish arsehole. I can be the man you deserve. The one who will treat you right, like you’re the only women left on Earth.”

“Do you really mean that?”

“The only girl I’ll love as much as you is my mum.” I smiled and pressed my forehead against Gwil’s and softly thanked him. “I promise (y/n). You’ll be my clever girl.”

“Think I like the sound of that.”

“Well you better get used to it, because there will be a lot of cute little nicknames in the future.”

“Just as long as you don’t give me any cheesy ones like bunny, or cupcake, or turtledove.”

“Spoil sport. And those were the first three I was thinking of.” I softly laughed as a true genuine smile came across my face. “And there’s that beautiful smile that makes me week at the knees. Next to your eyes, your smile is the brightest thing about you.”

“Gwil stop it you’re making me blush.” He softly chuckled before slowly leaning his lips towards mine and he gave me a soft kiss. When I felt that sudden bolt of electricity shoot up my spine, I knew that Gwil was definitely going to be different than Jared.  Even with that soft peck, there was so much passion and love in it that Jared never brought me.

I leaned forward and captured his lips once more, this time brushing my fingers through his short brown hair as I felt his arms slowly wrap further around me.

This was gonna be an adjustment in the days to come. After coming out of the relationship I had, I knew there would be some doubts in the future, especially with Gwil and I having separate careers always being a part from each other (me more than him) but I felt in my bones that when he made that promise earlier, he meant it.

And I was proven right that within 2 years shortly after the Bohemian Rhapsody premiere, I got a proposal right there at the red carpet.

[letterboxd]

Green-Light Yourself.

As Merawi Gerima’s debut feature Residue lands on Netflix, he tells Gemma Gracewood about being the son of indie film legends, duty of care as a director, and why Akira is his go-to comfort movie.

Sometimes it’s impossible to move forward with your art until you’ve taken a good look back. In Merawi Gerima’s impressionistic and hypnotic first feature, Residue, a young man, Jay, returns from college on the West Coast to find that his Washington, DC neighborhood has been hugely transformed within a few short years. A white neighbor barks at him to turn his car stereo down. Familiar faces have disappeared. The gentrification is debilitating, but Jay’s efforts to work out his disorientation and rage through art meets opposition with old friends.

Like his lead character, Gerima is both a DC native and a graduate of a West Coast college (USC’s School of Cinematic Arts), and was similarly confronted by change when he got home. Making Residue was “absolutely something that I had to do because that was the only positive direction to pour my energies into,” he says. “I think that there was a lot of destructive potential in my life at that point. The film really was the first moment when I started to feel that I perhaps was not powerless in this situation.”

Derron “Rizzo” Scott as Mike in ‘Residue’.

Gentrification as a form of structural racism has long impacted Black communities, and Gerima is not the first in his family to cover this ground. His parents are the LA Rebellion filmmakers Haile Gerima, whose work includes the Golden Bear-nominated 1983 slavery drama Sankofa, and Shirikiana Aina, who documented changes to their DC neighborhood in her 1982 non-fiction short Brick by Brick.

Residue was a family affair; the Gerima name is all through the credits. “My aunts were the chefs; my sister, she was, like, the head of the catering.” Although his legendary father managed to get off lightly with Costco runs, Gerima’s equally impressive mother ended up anchoring two of the film’s most affecting scenes, as Tonya, the Mom of Jay’s childhood friend, Mike (Derron “Rizzo” Scott).

“I had somebody else cast—she was a no-show. My mother was on set that day, just kind of helping feed people. I knew that she had what we needed, emotionally speaking. She was actually trying to drive away to go find the woman; I was like, ‘Nah, I need you right now’. She did it, but at a great cost.” The thing about filming in your own neighborhood, Gerima explains, where you’ve raised not only your own but also everyone else’s kids, with varying outcomes, is you end up bringing that lived experience to your scenes. “It’s very real for her. She’s not acting. I almost cried once we finished filming. Nobody spoke for a long time.”

The scene taught Gerima much about a director’s duty of care—particularly when he dared to ask his mother for a second take of a pivotal scene that takes place in a downpour. “In preparing to shoot in the rain we made a few mistakes, with the camera, the placement, there was miscommunication with me and the DP [Mark Jeevaratnam]. I, he, we both agreed that we needed another take. When I asked my mother for another take, she just looked at us like, it hurt, it was painful to ask. She did what she could, but you could tell that she didn’t have it in her.” As it turns out, the first take was the one. “I thought we ruined everything, but once I slowed down, I just saw what a miracle it was.”

It’s impossible to separate Residue from its limited budget and circumstances. Structurally rich and technically unusual, the film is a triumph of local knowledge, happy accidents, and “hood auditions”, where people were pulled straight off the street into the cast. It’s infused with an all-hands-on-deck spirit, constructed scene-by-scene during a home edit by Gerima himself.

“We shot the first draft of the script. You know what I mean? We didn’t have time to wait for a rewrite. We didn’t have time to wait for money. We didn’t have time to wait for anything. In many ways, it was the source of many of our problems, but it was also the source of a lot of our freedom, because we weren’t tied down by money. We weren’t tied down by a locked-in script.”

Mark Jeevaratnam, Merawi Gerima (with camera), and Obinna Nwachukwu on the set of ‘Residue’.

At Slamdance this past January, Residue won the audience award, and an acting prize for its star, Obinna Nwachukwu, whose story is a lesson for other aspiring actors. He was right for the role (“He fit the bill in terms of, he knows DC lingo, he knows the culture, he’s from the area, which was incredibly important”). More importantly, he was available. “The fact that we didn’t have resources, we needed somebody like him. He wants to act. He designs his life in his way where he was able to give us two weeks without knowing much about us. Once we got him, everything else became a lot easier.”

After Slamdance, of course, 2020 took a bit of a turn. Residue was shortlisted for Cannes, but that was cancelled and in May Gerima told his college paper: “I think that the festival prospects for the rest of this year are getting dimmer by the day.” When we speak, however, he is in Venice, where his debut feature has just screened in the independent Venice Days section of La Biennale di Venezia. It turns out that Cannes Directors’ Fortnight head Paolo Moretti had put in a word with Venice Days. As 2020 goes, this is as good as it gets for new filmmakers—and is a beautiful demonstration of how the global festival community has pulled together to make something good out of the mess we’re in.

Likewise, Gerima is grateful to Ava DuVernay’s ARRAY Releasing, who made the Netflix deal. He notes that a Black-led distribution company is a luxury his parents never knew. “I think if Ava did not exist, our film probably would not have distribution. The broad imagination necessary to see the commercial potential of Black films is still not there. I’m often sad thinking about the fact that my parents had no such opportunity.” Like a scene straight out of Dolemite is My Name, Gerima describes how his folks would book their own theaters across the US and use the African diaspora to help fill them, “proving the commercial nature of these films, in communities that hungered for real Black stories”.

Merawi Gerima directs Jacari Dye on the set of ‘Residue’.

Gerima’s film appetite is wide, and he’s often looked outside the US for inspiration. Some of the most crucial films in his development as a director have been the 1968 post-revolutionary Cuban films Lucia and Memories of Underdevelopment. He is also a fan of La Lengua de las Mariposas (‘Butterfly’, 1999, José Luis Cuerda), which has “one of my favorite endings in film, period”. Japanese influences include Akiro Kurosawa’s Seven Samurai (1954) and Kaneto Shindo’s The Naked Island (1960) and he also looks to Chilean legend Miguel Littin and Soviet directors Andrei Tarkovsky, Sergei Eisenstein and Nikita Mikhalkov. His go-to comfort film? “Akira. I don’t know if it’s comfort, but I watch it all the time! I just think it’s one of the best films ever made.”

On the home front, an “incredible, important” American film is Ivan Dixon’s 1973 action drama The Spook Who Sat by the Door, while the movies that “really put me onto talking to girls” are Gina Prince-Bythewood’s Love & Basketball and Rick Famuyiwa’s The Wood. “These are the types of films, circulating within the Black community [that] we memorize the lines to. That set the sexual compass of Black adolescents, you know what I mean?”

‘Sankofa’ (1993), written and directed by Haile Gerima.

His parents, however, remain Gerima’s greatest influence. “Sankofa was made without arbitration. Black stories that have no minders like that, nobody to answer to, often are far and away, the most honest types of Black storytelling that we see in film.” For other storytellers yet to take the first step, he offers this: “My best lesson from this film has been to always and at all times green-light my own self, my own actions, because that’s the only thing that I can control—and to not wait for conditions to be right or perfect.”

Acknowledging the privilege of being born into a filmmaking family, Gerima adds: “That may not apply to everybody. There are many, incredible things which prohibit action at times. But I think that there are many incredible conditions under which people can take action with the camera. I think that it’s really just a matter of how urgently that story burns within you. I can only say for myself, that’s the way the film got made. Without that, it would have been literally impossible.”

When asked who we should watch next, Gerima recommends 200 Meters, written and directed by Palestinian filmmaker Ameen Nayfeh. (“He’s an incredibly poised and principled filmmaker.”) The film won the audience award at Venice Days. He also recommends Really Love by Angel Kristi Williams, which won a SXSW Special Jury Recognition for acting, and will feature as a Special Presentation at AFI Fest next month.

‘Residue’ is in select US theaters and on Netflix now. Follow Gemma on Letterboxd.

[assembledherethevolunteers]

Future Management Chapter 8

A/N: Hi all! Hope you had a great holiday! I know I said this would be done before the new year, but I think I’m going to post the last chapter on Ben’s birthday (January 2nd).  So not too much behind, but thought I’d let you guys know! Anyway! I love you guys and hope you continue to enjoy!

Pairing: Ben Hardy x fem!Reader

Summary: You and Ben Hardy had been together for the better part of a decade.  After hitting a rough patch, the two of you decide to end things. However, one small surprise keeps you two connected more than you thought.

Warnings: SMUT! (only my 2nd time writing it, so I hope it’s okay) Unprotected sex (stay safe out there, y’all) That’s uh…about it. Some slightly jealous/dom!Ben (very brief)

Catch Up: Prologue (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/188795655663/future-management)  Chapter 1 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/188846514968/future-management-chapter-1) Chapter 2 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/188923255568/future-management-chapter-2) Chapter 3 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189095339763/future-management-chapter-3) Chapter 4 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189199837403/future-management-chapter-4) Chapter 5 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189300488163/future-management-chapter-5) Chapter 6 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189442099338/future-management-chapter-6) Chapter 7 (https://assembledherethevolunteers.tumblr.com/post/189800039798/future-management-chapter-7)

Taglist: @lovebirdy93 @jonesyaddiction @im-an-adult-ish @taylorroger-s  @springholland @stassaurus  @hahaboop @tcnystqrks @bloatedandlonly @doctorwhatwhenandwhere  @amy-brooklyn99 @mercurycrowley @shineedrmgrl  @yourstateofdreaming @annamikyska @bensakindofmagic @queenlover05 @annihrdy @iamthebeth   If I missed you I’m sorry! Please let me know if you want to be added.  

 “You know,” Ben whispered in your ear.  “The driver seems very focused on the road.  We could…have some fun back here.”  Ben waggled his eyebrows at you.

The two of you were in the back of the car.  Ben put his arm around you and you snuggled into his side.    

You giggled and smacked his chest.  

“No, we can’t because you, Mr. Jones, get handsy when you’re kissing and if you mess up my hair before we make that red carpet, Sam will kill you.”  

“I bet I could take him,” Ben moved your hair to one side and pressed a kiss to where neck met your shoulder.  

“We’ll be there soon, and we’ve got a whole hotel room to ourselves after everything.  There’s going to be lots of champagne.  And you know how I get when I’ve had champagne,” you smiled at Ben and raised one eyebrow.  

Ben chuckled under his breath.  

“If that’s the case, I can wait,” Ben’s hand started gently stroking your arm.  “Are you nervous?”  

“About the film?”

“Well, I meant more about the reporters and everybody knowing that we’re back together.”

You looked up at him. “I…I mean, yeah, but…God, this is going to sound so cheesy,” you looked away.

Ben used two fingers to move your head so that you were looking at him again.  “Tell me anyway.”

You looked into Ben’s eyes. They were searching yours for an answer.

“I…if you’re with me, it doesn’t matter.  We can do this.”  

Ben smiled at you and pressed his lips to yours gently.  

“I know we can,” Ben told you when he pulled away.  

The rest of the car ride, the two of you were quiet, just enjoying the calm before the storm and just being with each other.  

Suddenly, the car stopped, and you glanced around Ben and out of the window to see hundreds of people. Fans, reporters, photographers, and some of your fellow cast and crew.  

You looked at Ben and he gave you a big smile.  

“I love you,” Ben whispered and gave you a kiss.  It was just like what the two of you used to do before stepping out at movies or award shows.  

The driver came around and opened the door.  The first thing you heard was screaming.  Then you saw the flashes.  Ben took your hand before he stepped out of the car and thanked the driver.  

“Oh you’re welcome.  Your bags will be waiting in your room,” he gave Ben a nod before getting out of the way.  You felt everybody there took a deep breath as you got out of car with Ben. It was quiet for a beat before people started screaming.  

“Y/N! Y/N! OVER HERE!”

“BEN! LOOK HERE!”

“ARE YOU BACK TOGHETER?!”

The two of you smiled and waved.  

“Y/N! Y/N! It’s Jasmine from E!”

You liked Jasmine, so you pulled Ben over to her.

“Hi, sweetie! How are you?” She gave you a hug and an air kiss to the cheek.  

“I’m great! How are you?”

“Very well! So, I’m not even going to pretend this isn’t weird.  Hi, Ben!” Jasmine gave him a smile.  

“Hi, Jasmine,” Ben gave her a shy smile before she turned to you.  

“What’s going on here? Are you two back together?  Are you moving back to London?”

“Actually, we haven’t gotten to that yet, but we are back together!” You beamed.

Jasmine squealed and pulled both of you into a hug and then looked at the camera.  

“Well, you heard it here on E! first.  Y/N L/N and Ben Hardy are officially back together!”  

Ben squeezed your hand and the two of you continued down the line with pictures and interviews, most of them having to do with you and Ben, but then it would change to the movie. It was going really well.  

“Y/N!” You heard from behind you.  You looked over and saw Jackson waving at you.  

You smiled at him and walked over, pulling Ben along.  You gave him a hug and then stepped back closer to Ben.  

“Well, hello you two,” Jackson gave you both a knowing smile.  

Ben offered Jackson his hand.  “I owe you an apology, mate.  I have been…well, a real prick, if I’m being honest, and I’m sorry.”  

Jackson smiled, and shook Ben’s hand.  “Nah, man. I get it,” Jackson looked at you then back to Ben.  “Love makes people act like idiots sometimes.”

You blushed and leaned into Ben’s side.  Ben put his arm around your waist after he and Jackson let go of each other’s hands.

“JACKSON! Y/N! CAN WE GET SOME SHOTS?!”

You turned to Ben. “Behave while I go take some pictures?”

“Oh, never,” Ben gave you a kiss on the cheek as you and Jackson walked over to where they were directing you.  

“So, you and Ben are back together,” Jackson stated matter-of-factly.  

“Yeah, we are,” you said through your smile as cameras were taking pictures of you and Jackson.  

“Well good, I’m glad you’re happy.”  

You looked at Jackson and saw him smiling at you.  You smiled back and pulled him into a tight hug.  

“Alright, Jackson! You come down here and Y/N, you stay here,” one of the organizers came over and pulled Jackson a few yards down.  

The photographers and reporters were yelling your name and you did your best to look every direction so they could get the pictures.  

“Can we get some with Ben?!” Somebody yelled.  

You looked over at Ben, who was talking to one of photographers.  Another organizer walked over and then brought Ben over to you. He wrapped his arm around your waist.

“Well hello, again,” Ben grinned.  

“Hi, come here often?” You grinned back.  

“Well, if there are women like you around here, I’ll be sure to come more often.”  

You rolled your eyes and bit your lip to keep from smiling but damn him.    

“You’re ridiculous.”  

Ben laughed and pressed a kiss to your temple (and you were pretty sure there were more flashes than there had been).  

There were a few more pictures and interviews before they were able to sign autographs and take pictures with some fans.  

“I can’t believe that you two are back together,” one woman practically squealed at you as you signed a picture she had of you.  “You two are my favorite!”

You smiled at her. “Thank you so much!”

After a few more signatures and selfies, you were being ushered into the theater with everybody else.

“Y/N, so happy to see you,” TJ, the director, pulled you into a hug.  He then looked at Ben up and down.  “You’re Ben Hardy.”  

“Yes, sir, hi,” Ben offered his hand.  

You bit your bottom lip to keep from smiling.  You knew Ben was turning on the charm.  Whether he knew it or not.  TJ and Ben talked for a few minutes before TJ excused himself to talk to someone else.

“Did you bring a headshot for him too?” You nudged Ben with your elbow.

“What?  I wasn’t doing anything.”  

“You were schmoozing. Hardcore.”  

Ben opened his mouth to reply, but nothing came out.  He shook his head with a smile.  

“Alright, maybe a bit.”

“Champagne?”  A waiter came by with a tray of champagne flutes and Ben grabbed two, nodding his thanks before handing you one and clinking your glasses together.  

“To you, my love.”

You and Ben each took a sip, not taking your eyes off each other.  You couldn’t believe you were here with him again.  You’d never thought that this would happen, the two of you getting back together.  

“Y/N!” You heard Ginger yell your name from somewhere.  You looked around for her.  “Over here!” You looked towards the bar and found her.  She waved you over.  She was standing next to a gorgeous woman that you knew to be her girlfriend, Heidi.

You grabbed Ben’s hand and led him the way to Ginger.  You gave her a hug and then Heidi.  

“Ginger, Heidi, this is Ben,” you gestured to him and they both shook his hands.  

“So, this is the guy that you’ve been hung up on?”

“Ginger,” you hissed at her.

“Well, I’ve been hung up on her too,” Ben laughed and squeezed your hand.  

“Well that’s good, otherwise I think this would be awkward,” Ginger took a sip of her drink.  

Heidi rolled her eyes and looked at Ben.  “You’ll have to excuse her, she’s already on her second drink.”  

Ginger stuck her tongue out at Heidi and Heidi returned the gesture.  

The lights started to flicker and the four of you looked up.

“We better get in there. We’ll see you guys at the after party, right?”

“Of course! We’ll see you two later,” you gave them each a hug again before you and Ben went in to find your seats.  

You were seated next to Jackson near the middle of the theater and he smiled at up at you.  

“Y/N, you remember my sister, Joanna?” Jackson gestured to the woman sitting next to him.  She stood up and offered you her hand.  

“Hi, Jo,” you shook her hand.  You had met her once or twice on set.  She seemed nice enough.  

“Hi,” she looked over at Ben and her eyes bugged for a second.  “H…hi, and you’re?”

“Ben, nice to meet you,” Ben shook her hand.  “I’m Y/N’s boyfriend.”

Your heart nearly stopped and you turned back to look at him.  Ben and Jo sat down but you were still trying to process what he said.  Boyfriend.  Yes, you supposed he was your boyfriend.  It made you ridiculously happy to hear.  

“Y/N?”

You looked down at Ben. “I…yeah?”

“Aaaare you going to sit down?”

“Yes, sorry,” you sat down in your seat.  

“Are you alright?” Ben whispered in your ear.  

You looked at him and stared at him for a moment.  He looked back and raised an eyebrow.  

“Yeah, I just…hearing you say you’re my boyfriend again was…” You tried to find the right word, but you couldn’t find it.  

“Well, I’m not your husband again yet, so, I’ll settle for boyfriend.  For now anyway.”

You were shocked by that response.  You were trying to think of something, but then TJ stood up in front of the screen. Everybody started clapping and TJ held his hands up with a jovial smile.

“Thank you all so much for being here!” His voice was booming.  It almost brought you back to set.  “We are so excited to share this film with you all here in London.  We’re fortunate enough that the author of this wonderful novel, Ms. Caroline Mayer, here with us.”  TJ paused as everybody applauded and Caroline stood up and waved. “Now, I could stand up here and talk about how much work everybody put in and how wonderful our cast and crew is…”

TJ kept talking, but you weren’t paying attention because Ben’s hand moved to your thigh and started rubbing it with his thumb.  

“…so without further ado, please enjoy our film.”  

Everybody started clapping again and the lights went down.  

You sort of didn’t like this part of the job.  Watching yourself on a huge screen.  It didn’t matter how well you acted.  You could always find something wrong.  

You tried to get Ben’s attention a couple different ways.  You grabbed his hand off your thigh and played with his fingers.  He let you for a few moments before he intertwined your fingers and brought your hands down between you, really paying attention to the movie.  

You watched Ben’s face for a few scenes.  There were sometimes that you weren’t sure he was enjoying it.  You noticed his jaw clench for a moment when there was a scene between you and Jackson that was…intimate.  

“You alright?” You whispered to him.  

Ben just gave you a quick glance and nod and then looked back at the screen.  

The rest of the movie you tried to pay attention to without critiquing yourself too much.  You eventually rested your head on Ben’s shoulder.  He pressed a kiss to your forehead but stayed focused on the screen.  

The final scene, where you and Jackson embraced after a long, grueling fight with the antagonist, played and Ben squeezed your hand.  He pressed a kiss to your temple.  

“I am so proud of you. That was amazing.”

You picked your head up and looked at him with a smile.  He smiled back and pulled you into a kiss with some heat behind it.  

The lights came up and Ben pulled away, smirking at you, knowing what he’d just done to you.  

TJ stood up and gave a speech about the after party that would be across the street at the Grande Hotel.

“…and of course, we’ve got rooms if needed.  I hope to see you all over there!”  TJ clapped his hands together, dismissing everyone.  

You stood up and Jackson stood up and turned to you.  

“I always forget how intense that last scene is,” Jackson shrugged.  

“How?! It took us almost a whole week to shoot!” You laughed.  

“True.”

“That was really good, mate,” Ben leaned around you and offered Jackson his hand.  

Jackson gave him a full smile and Ben returned it as they shook hands.  

“Thanks, man.  Well, we’ll see you both over there?”

“Of course, Jack,” You pulled him into a hug and kissed his cheek.  

Jackson and Joanna left, and you turned to Ben.  

“That was nice of you,” you took Ben’s hand again.  

“It was honest. Although, I do think I have some issues with a scene or two,” Ben replied as he led you through the row.  

“Oh?” You pretended not to know what he meant.  “What scenes were those?”  

Once you were out of the row, Ben pulled you close to him and murmured to you, “I’ll show you later.”

That made you giggle.

“Let’s go get some champagne and celebrate,” you started pulling Ben towards to the lobby.  

Nearly three hours later, you were feeling very good.  After dinner and dessert, you’d probably drank almost an entire bottle of champagne and you noticed that your hands were nearly always on Ben in some way or another. And he always had a hand on you somewhere.  The small of your back when you talking to TJ at the bar, your thigh when you were sitting with Ginger and Heidi, holding your hand while talking to some people from the crew that made the trip.  

You left Ben to get more drinks at the bar and saw Jackson sitting by himself at the bar.  After you ordered, you walked up to him and tapped him on the shoulder.  

“Why so glum, chum?”

Jackson gave you a lazy smile.  You knew that he was feeling pretty good himself.  

“Oh I ain’t glum. Opposite actually.  I feel amazing.”

You laughed and gave Jackson a slight push.  

“We did amazing, kid.”

“We sure did.  I’m pretty proud of us,” you grinned.  

“Me too,” Jackson held up his glass of whiskey to you.  

You picked up the champagne flute that had been dropped off by the bartender (along with a gin and tonic for Ben) and clinked it to his glass.  

“To us, sweetheart,” Jackson winked before the two of you took a sip.  

“Jack,” you began, the alcohol making you pretty hazy.  You wanted to tell him thank you, and that you were sorry, and that everything would work out for him, but he held a hand up to you.  

“I know, Y/N, I know.”

You leaned in and gave him a kiss on the cheek.  

“I meant it ya know,” you grabbed Ben’s gin and tonic.  “You deserve a lot better than me.”  

Jackson just shook his head and took another drink before you turned away and walked back to Ben. You handed him his drink and he fixed you with a stare.  You noticed that his eyes were a dark shade of green.  

“Do you have the key to our room?”  

You frowned at him. You thought he was having fun.  

“Yes, why?”  

Ben took a long swig from his drink and dragged his eyes over you.  

“We should get going. It’s getting late.”  

“Oooookay?” You shot him a look but drained your champagne.  You looked around at people to say goodbye, but Ben grabbed your hand and started leading you towards the elevator.  You waved at a few people, but you were out of the ballroom before you could say anything to anybody.  

Ben pushed the elevator button and the two of you waited for the elevator to arrive.  Neither of you said anything.  The elevator arrived and the two of you went inside.

As soon as the elevator doors closed, Ben pinned you against one of the walls of the elevator.  You gasped and looked at him.  

“Ben, what…?”

“You know, all night, I had to watch Jackson kiss you on that giant fucking screen,” Ben’s voice was calm as he traced your jaw with one of his fingers.  

“Alright?”

Ben leaned in and growled in your ear, “So, maybe I should leave some reminders, so everyone remembers who you belong to.”

“What are you…?” You sucked in a breath as Ben not-so-gently bit and started to suck at your neck. You could practically already feel the mark he’d be leaving.  

Ben pushed his hips more into yours as he slid a hand into your hair, maneuvering your head so that he had more access to your neck.  

“B…Ben, I…” you stammered out.

“Yes, love?” Ben replied like he wasn’t tripling your pulse rate and continued to kiss and suck and bite around your neck.  

You closed your eyes and moaned at a well placed bite.  

“Theeeeere it is,” you felt Ben smirk against your skin before he started again.  

Oh, two could play this game, Jones.  You grabbed his free hand and held it up to your lips.  You pressed a kiss to one of his fingertips.  Ben stopped the assault on your neck and looked at you.  

“Oh, baby, it looks like you got some caramel sauce on your fingers.”  

Ben started to pull his hand away to inspect it when you put his pointer finger and middle finger in your mouth and gently sucked on them, making Ben groan.  He glanced at the door of the elevator.  

“This is the slowest fucking lift in history.”

You giggled around his fingers before pulling them out of your mouth.  

“Don’t worry, Benny,” you looked at him through your lashes.  “We’ve got all night.”  

Ben pressed his chest to yours and lifted your chin.  

“Don’t know how much longer I can wait.  Four years is way too long to wait.”  

As if hearing your conversation, the door (finally) opened and Ben pulled you down the hall.  You laughed.  

“Slow down! You don’t even know where we’re going!”  

“I heard TJ tell you we’re in 1039,” Ben replied and led you to the right door.  “Key?”

You very slowly started looking through your purse. “Hm…I know it’s here,” you teased.  

“Y/N,” Ben breathed in your ear before he nibbled your ear lobe.  You closed your eyes and leaned into him.  “There’s more where that came from if you find that key.”  

You opened your eyes and tore apart your purse.

“Oh look! I found it!” You held up the key triumphantly.  

The two of you were practically falling over each other to get into the room.  Once the door was shut, Ben pinned you against it with his hips. He didn’t kiss you.  He just looked over your face.  You stared back, barely being able to see but there was enough moonlight filtering in from the window.  

“Were you all talk or…?”

“I just…am enjoying the view.”  

“The last time you did that, Eliza cut our night short.”  

“Good point,” Ben replied before slamming his lips to yours.  

You kissed him back and wrapped your fingers in his hair, deepening the kiss.  You felt a heat your stomach already. Ben slid his hands down your body, making your shiver.  

You moved your hands and pushed Ben’s suit jacket off before you started to unbutton his shirt.  

“Where’s the zipper, love?” Ben asked in a husky voice.  

“Side,” you moved your arm so that Ben knew which side the zipper was on.

He quickly unzipped your dress and let it fall down your body.  Ben stepped back and helped you step out of it.  He blinked at you in your underwear and heels for a few moments. It was starting to make you self-conscious.  

“Come here,” Ben whispered, pulling him to you and kissing you again.  

You kicked your shoes off and jumped up wrapping your legs around Ben’s waist.  He held you up and moved his hands to cup under your ass. He laid you down on the bed, before breaking the kiss.  

You whined when he pulled away and Ben chuckled.  

“Just a second.  I think it’s a little unfair that I’m still dressed,” Ben told you as he stripped down to his boxer briefs.  Then he leaned over you and smiled.  “Better?”

“Oh much better,” you smiled.  

Ben pressed his lips to yours quickly before he kissed down your neck, much gentler than he had in the elevator.

“Ben,” you breathed out.

“Tell me what you want, Y/N.”

You didn’t answer right away and Ben reached around and unhooked your bra, sliding it off you and kissing down your chest.  He circled one of your nipples with his tongue.  

You leaned up into his mouth and let out a moan as Ben’s hands slid to your hips.  

“I need your mouth, lower,” you whimpered.  If you had any coherent thought besides one that got Ben’s mouth where you wanted him most, maybe you would’ve been embarrassed but right now you didn’t care.

Ben continued down your stomach, which was something you usually hated.  You had stretch marks from your pregnancy that still made you insecure, but Ben traced them with his lips, taking his time and making you feel less nervous about them.  

“I love your body,” Ben muttered against you before he continued even lower.  “Do you want these off?” He asked as he snapped the waistband of your panties.  

“God, yes.”

You could feel his hot breath against your clothed core before he slid them down your thighs, pressing kisses to your legs as he went.  He kissed back up, and sucked a mark into your thigh before he slid one of his fingers between your folds.  You both moaned.  

“You’re so wet, love. Who did this to you?”  

“You did, you fu…ahhhh!” You threaded one of your hands through Ben’s hair as he flicked his tongue to your clit.  

“What was that? Didn’t quite catch that,” Ben’s voice was smug, so you have his hair a bit of a tug. Which only made him move his lips to your sensitive nub completely.  

You fisted the sheets and closed your eyes.  

“Ben, if you…FUCK!” You shouted when Ben slid one of his fingers inside.  

“You really need to finish your sentences, darling.”  Ben didn’t even wait for your response before he dove back in.  

You could feel like you already about to burst.  You were almost there…

“Ben…m…more?”

Ben didn’t make you ask again as he slid another thick finger into you.  

“YES!  Yes, ohmygodBendontstop,” you started babbling until Ben hit that spot with his fingers and dragged his teeth gently across your bundle of nerves and you exploded.  Once you were done, Ben kissed up your stomach and chest again.  You were breathing heavily when you felt Ben’s lips on the corner of your mouth.  

“Alright there, sweetheart?”

You opened your eyes and stared at him for a moment.  

“More than alright,” you smiled at him, still breathing heavily.  “Now,” you rolled over on top of him, clearly taking him by surprise and you snickered at the look on his face.  “Let me return the favor.”  

You made your way down Ben’s toned chest and abs, paying attention to the way his muscles contracted when he inhaled rapidly, especially when you got lower to his waistband.  You could see how hard he already was and it made your mouth water.  You traced him with your mouth through the thin fabric and heard him swear under his breath.

“Alright there Benny?” You whispered.  

“I feel like I’ll be much better shortly,” Ben ran a hand through your hair.  

“Oh you will,” you slid his boxers off and watched his cock bounce on his stomach.  The tip was red and it was already leaking.  You stuck your tongue out and kitten licked at the head. Ben’s hand in your hair tightened and he groaned as he held his head up to watch you.  

You slowly started to take more of him into your mouth and you could tell that he was holding back fucking into your mouth.  

“You feel so good, love,” he muttered.  At that, you took him as deep as you could, hitting the back of your throat.  

“FUCK!” Ben threw his head back and closed his eyes.  

You started to bob up and down on Ben’s cock, his moaning and whispers encouraging you the whole time.  You could feel him start to thrust into you, making you gag.  You pulled off to catch your breath and wanted to get back to it, but Ben held your head up.  

“Y/N, I swear, if you keep doing that I won’t last and I want to be inside you.”

You raised an eyebrow at him but he moved so that he was straddling your hips. He ran his still hard cock through your folds.  

“Ben,” you started, but clearly he couldn’t wait any longer either.  

You both moaned loudly as he entered you.  

“You’re so tight for me, baby,” Ben huffed in your ear.  He went deeper and deeper until he was completely inside you, filling you up.  The stretch was slightly painful, but it felt so good all you could do was make incoherent half sentences.

“Move please” was apparently the only thing Ben needed before he pulled out and started to really fuck you.

“Shiiiiiit!”  You started clawing at his back, leaving marks of your own on him.  You could feel your second orgasm building each time he entered you.  You could feel Ben hitting your sweet spot with almost every thrust of his hips. You hadn’t been this full in a long time and fuck, had you missed it.  

“I’m so close,” Ben grunted.  

“Let go, Benny, you can let…”

With that, Ben painted your walls white, sending you over the edge as well. The two of you rode out your orgasms together, keeping each other close.  Once you both were done, Ben rested his forehead to yours and smiled.

“Wow,” he breathed out.  

“You could say that again,” you laughed quietly and kissed him.  You could still taste some of yourself on him.

“I’m going to pull out now, alright?”  

You nodded.  Ben slowly pulled himself out and stood up.  

“W…where are you going?” You asked, weirdly nervous that he was just going to leave.

Ben smiled at you, and kissed your forehead.  

“I’m getting us a washcloth so that we can clean up.”  

You hummed at him and then closed your eyes.  You heard him go into the bathroom and then come back.  You opened your eyes and gave him a lazy smile.  

“God, you’re beautiful,” Ben whispered so quietly that you weren’t sure if you were meant to hear it or not.  Ben sat next to you on the bed and handed you the wash cloth.  

You cleaned yourself up and then stood up yourself.  

“I’ll be right back,” you gave Ben a quick kiss and then went into the bathroom.

You put the washcloth in the hamper and then looked at yourself in the mirror.  

“Holy shit,” you muttered to yourself.  Your makeup and hair were a mess, but that was nothing compared to your neck.  There were bruises and hickeys everywhere.  How were you supposed to cover those up for the next few days?  

You got ready for bed by taking your makeup off and taking your hair all the way down.  You walked back out to see Ben lying in bed, staring at the ceiling.  

“Hey,” you said softly to him.  

He looked up at you and then opened his arms to you.  

You jumped on the bed and then fell next to him.  He laughed and wrapped his arms around you, pulling you to his chest.

“I forgot how amazing we are at that.”  

“You know the last time we did that we got Eliza, right?”

That made Ben laugh.  “Well, maybe we’ll get lucky again.”

You cocked an eyebrow at him.  

“You want more kids?  Now?”

Ben shrugged and stroked your arm.  

“Maybe not right now, but, I mean…we always talked about a lot of kids.”

That made you laugh.  “Yeah, we did, huh?”  

Ben pressed his lips to your hair.  

“We can talk about this all later.  Right now, I think we both need some sleep.”  

“Please?  Between champagne and two orgasms, you’re lucky I’m even remotely lucid right now.”

Ben grabbed the comforter and pulled it over the two of you before he wrapped his arms around again.  You rested your head on his chest again and closed your eyes, listening to his heartbeat, which was still beating a little fast.  

“Night, Ben.”

“Night, Y/N.”  

Just as you started to drift off, you heard him whisper “I love you”.  

“I love you too.”  

[thronescastdaily]

Everything the Game of Thrones cast & crew have said about Season Eight

“I think everyone would agree in terms of saying they think their character endings are just and are the best way to wrap the characters up. Even if, God forbid, some of them might die.” — Isaac Hempstead-Wright

“The end of Jon’s journey, whatever that may be…I was satisfied with how his story ended.” — Kit Harington

“Who knows if it will be satisfying for the fans. I think a lot of fans will be disappointed and a lot of fans will be over the moon, I think. I think it will be really interesting to see people’s reactions.” — Sophie Turner

“Oh fuck the fans! That was a joke! But I don’t know, I don’t know if you can please everyone. I’m sure people will be moaning about something.” — Conleth Hill

“Not everyone’s going to be pleased, because it’s such a big show, and it’s divisive. But I think we have wrapped it up as convincingly and honestly and as cleverly as we could hope.” — Isaac Hempstead-Wright

“I remember I was shooting something else earlier in the year and my mum came out to join me. We sat down one evening and we both said to each other, ‘Let’s project the final season. Let’s say who we think is going to be alive and who we think is going to be dead.’ We did and we were both wrong.” — Maisie Williams

“What I will say is, I’m happy to see more of Brienne of Tarth the woman explored this season.” — Gwendoline Christie

“I am one of the few people who has read the script and I know the ending and what happens. When I read it, I thought it was rather brilliant. I am a bit of a fan of the series as well, and it satiated my expectation and hopes, I felt (it was the) conclusion…But we will just have to see. You know with something this big like Game of Thrones, you cannot please everyone.” — Iain Glen

“I couldn’t control myself. I cried for hours and hours once it wrapped. It was like leaving behind a character that I’ve grown up with. It’s almost like a death.” — Sophie Turner

“I haven’t watched a single series that has a following like Thrones does where everyone is satisfied with the ending. I don’t think that it’ll be any different with this. I think it will divide opinion.” — Kit Harington

“It fucked me up. Knowing that is going to be a lasting flavor in someone’s mouth of what Daenerys is…” — Emilia Clarke

“It meets all my expectations. But you’ll never guess how it ends.” — Iain Glen

“I’m hoping for the Breaking Bad [finale] argument where it’s like, ‘Is that an A or an A+?” —Dan Weiss

“We had such a beautiful time and we have such an amazing cast that has been through so much together. I think there is a real integrity to that and I completely support that and I am sad it’s ending, because I don’t get to go back and work with my friends next year or this year, so that’s sad but I think it’s a good time to. It’s an end of an era.” — Nathalie Emmanuel

“It’s either going to be everything that everyone dreamed of, or it’s gonna be disappointing. It depends which side of the fence you’re going to sit on.  I think no matter what you do there’s definitely going to be that divide. It depends on what people want from the final season. I love it, but I don’t know. You never know.” — Maisie Williams

“The fans will not be let down. There are a lot of firsts in these episodes. There’s the funniest sequence I’ve ever shot on this show, the most emotional and compelling scene I’ve ever shot, and there’s one scene where there’s so many [major characters] together it feels like you’re watching a superhero movie.” — David Nutter (Director) 

“It fucked me up. Knowing that is going to be a lasting flavor in someone’s mouth of what Daenerys is ...." — Emilia Clarke

“It is what it is, and so that’s what it should be. There’s nothing to say about whether I’d change it if I were in charge.” — Carice van Houten

“Personally speaking I love my journey. I love what [showrunners Dan Weiss and David Benioff] have done. The arc, the journey, every character.” — Richard Dormer

"[The ending] won't go the way some people want. It will be too happy for some people, or too sad, or too whatever. That's the nature of an ending." — Emilia Clarke

“It’s our biggest season by far. It’s only six episodes, but it was the longest [amount of time] we’ve ever shot, the biggest crew, the most extras and stuntmen. More people set on fire than ever before. It was intense.” — David Benioff

“People will see he has a target he wants to kill, and you will find out who that is. There’s also that moment [in “Hardhome”] when Jon Snow was on the boat and the Night King looked at him and raised his arms — there’s a similar and even stronger moment between Jon and the Night King this time.” — Vladimir Furdik

“I definitely didn’t see it coming and I had to get up and walk around, thinking, ‘Oh, so that’s how this all works out!” — Isaac Hempstead-Wright

“We wanted to justify people’s investment for many years and hopefully they will not feel cheated. But we do feel a great deal of pressure to bring this thing to a satisfying close. Hopefully we’ll stick the landing.” — Dave Hill (Writer)

“They went balls out, I think is the term. They could have easily set the same budget as they did for Season 7, but they went bigger.” — Kit Harington

“I remember reading [the ending] going, ‘Wow, thank you David and Dan. Thank you George. What a gift.’” — Rory Mccann

“It’s beautiful, colossal!” — Liam Cunningham

“Everyone has a certain expectation, I guess, it’s been building up so much. But [the ending]’s great, as well, it’s going to surprise you.” — Carice van Houten

“We had such a beautiful time and we have such an amazing cast that has been through so much together. As sad as it is, I think they have not— sometimes with a TV show or anything — it gets to the point where it loses its quality and we have managed to maintain such a high quality and people still want it.” — Nathalie Emmanuel

“It’s really a shame there aren’t any scenes between them, but the storylines just didn’t come together. It was a missed opportunity I think – it would have been really interesting to see that they got on as women as opposed to just fighting, because they’re not that different, they’re both loners.” — Carice van Houten

“There are a lot of things that I think people are going to be unhappy about and also, for the classic storytelling conclusions they want, other people are going to be really happy. But with a show as long standing and popular as Game of Thrones, I don’t think there is any possible scenario in which everybody’s pleased with how it concludes.” — Isaac Hempstead-Wright

“I think a lot of fans will be disappointed and a lot of fans will be over the moon, I think. I think it will be really interesting to see people’s reactions.” — Sophie Turner

"People will scream and people will say, 'That's exactly what I wanted. And some people will go, 'Huh?'  my mum, probably." — Emilia Clarke

“When something has been sitting with you for so long, you have such a specific sense of the way each moment should play and feel. Not just in terms of ‘this shot or that shot,’ though sometimes it’s that as well. So it’s not really fair to ask somebody else to get that right. We’d be lurking over their shoulder every take driving them crazy making it hard for them to do their job. If we’re going to drive anybody crazy it might as well be ourselves.” —Dan Weiss

“I think a TV series that’s spanned eight, nine years is an incredibly difficult thing to end. I think not everyone’s going to be happy, you know, and you can’t please everyone.” — Kit Harington

“It won’t go the way some people want. It will be too happy for some people, or too sad, or too whatever. That’s the nature of an ending. Midway through a season, there’s always the idea that this is going to continue and somewhere along the way we’ll make up for it all. When it comes to a conclusion, this is the end. Nothing more is coming, and the certainty of it being over will definitely bother people. But overall, I think we’re going to smash it.” — Isaac Hempstead-Wright

“[Season 8] is mindblowing and horrible and beautiful.” — Kristofer Hivju

note: this post will be updated as new material comes out

[joe-mazzello-archive]

Agape

A Joe Mazzello x Fem!Reader fic

Rating: 18+

Chapter One

Warnings: Language, Suicide Reference

Word Count: 2524

A/N: This is just kind of spilling out of me so I figured I’d put it on the internet. More chapters to follow.

You pushed your way through the door of the studio, coffee in one hand, phone in the other, and a messenger bag hanging from your shoulder. You despised being late to things, but your morning meeting running long and classic LA traffic had you running behind. You were very aware that being a woman in the film industry meant every action was judged by those around you. Your reputation as an actress meant a lot to you, and you never wanted to be perceived as someone who was always late to things. As you made your way down the hall to your destination, you looked up from your phone for a brief moment before colliding with someone.

“Shit!” You luckily managed to avoid spilling your coffee, but your phone took a nose dive to the floor. “I’m so sorry, I was completely in my own world there.” You looked up at the person you barreled into only to find yourself face to face with one Joseph Mazzello. He smiled and crossed his arms.

“I guess I can forgive you this time, since you’re an old friend. But I wouldn’t make a habit of body-slamming your co-stars.” You rolled your eyes and batted his shoulder.

“I didn’t body slam you, you drama queen,” you teased. Joe chuckled and bent down to pick up your phone, which had landed face down. He turned it over to reveal a crack-less screen.

“At least your phone survived the onslaught,” he poked as he handed the device back to you.

“Is this how dramatic you’re going to be throughout this whole project? I remember you being a lot funnier,” you said with a smirk while you both started to walk towards the meeting room.

“I am a goddamn delight, and you know it,” he replied while holding the door open for you. You chuckled and entered the room.

You did know it. You had met Joe a few years prior, introduced to him by your mutual friend Aaron whom you knew from your theatre days. You got along instantly, with similar interests and almost identical senses of humor. You had hung out on a few occasions over the years and considered him a good acquaintance; you weren’t friends per se, but you got along well enough. Once you heard that Joe had been cast as the male lead in the project, you had breathed a sigh of relief. It’s always easier working on these types of films when you’re comfortable with your scene partner.

Once you got into the room, you found yourself surrounded by people. Producers, cast, and other various crew members were spread throughout the room. In the middle of the room were four long tables arranged in a square with enough chairs for the entire group. In the corner you spotted a table with bagels and other pastries and made a beeline for it. The only thing in your stomach was coffee, which wasn’t helping your usual table-read nerves.

You had been in the industry since you were a teenager, and this definitely wasn’t your first table read or even your first lead role. But those nerves always were there. You welcomed them however; you figured if you weren’t nervous for a new project, then it must not be the right project. You accepted challenge, and this new film would definitely be one.

You had fallen in love with the concept of the film from the get go; a story about the eight types of love, according to the Greeks. You told your agent to get you an audition before you had even seen a script. Once you did get your hands on the script, you knew this would be the perfect next project for you. And once you found out you were the director’s first choice for the role, you knew it was meant to be.

You grabbed yourself a bagel and made your way over to a chair, plopping your bag down and pulling out your copy of the script. Someone sat down next to you, and you turned to find another one of your castmates, Leah. You had met her during her chemistry read and thought she was perfect for the role of one of your love interests in the film. Luckily the director had agreed.

“We meet again,” she said, pulling out her own script. You smiled and nudged her with your elbow.

“I knew you’d be the one they’d pick. I’m glad you’re here.” She smiled back, blushing a bit.

“Alright everyone, let’s take our seats, we’re going to get started,” your director Julia shouted over the hubbub of the room. Everyone hurried to their seats as the chatter dissipated. Joe took the seat on the other side of you and nudged you as he adjusted his chair. Julia stood at one end of the room, holding a copy of the script to her chest.

“Thank you all for being here. I am beyond excited to get started on Agape. This project has been in the works for almost a year now, and having everyone here in one room makes it finally feel real. So, without further ado, let’s go around the room and have everyone introduce themselves and say their role in the film. I’ll go first. I’m Julia Daniels and I am the director of the film.”

One by one, everyone introduced themselves. The producers all went first, followed by other crew, and finally each of the cast members until it was your turn. You said your name which resulted in an applause from some of the cast and crew. You smiled and paused before continuing.

“Um, thanks….and I will be playing Ruby.” Even after years in the business, you still struggled with your level of fame. You were no Angelina Jolie by any means, but you had quite a few major projects under your belt. Yet you still weren’t used to the amount of people who knew your name and were fans of your work.

“Hi, I’m Joe Mazzello…” He paused, waiting for the same amount of applause. When it didn’t come, he feigned offense. “Wow, I see how it is.” You couldn’t help but giggle and applaud him yourself, causing a few others to join in, laughing at the joke.

“Thank you, thank you. And I’m playing Desmond,” he finished, with a smug grin on his face. The rest of the cast introduced themselves, with Julia leading a final round of applause for the entire group.

“Okay, we’re going to knock out about half of the script, take a break, and then knock out the rest. Let’s get started.”

Julia began the table read, reading the actions and parentheticals while the cast read their lines. You had read through the entire script several times before today, so you had little problem delivering your lines. A majority of the film was just dialogue between you and Joe, so you found yourself facing him most of the time. You enjoyed finally having someone to work off of; hearing the lines out loud that you had only previously heard in your head and hearing them delivered by someone as good at acting as Joe was made you even more excited to start real rehearsals. You reacted to every word he said, finding yourself delivering some of the lines differently than how you had originally rehearsed them, just based on what you receiving from Joe. At one point you caught Julia’s eye and saw her beaming. She was feeling what you were feeling; this project was going to be something really great.

Finding a good stopping place, Julia announced a thirty minute break. You stood up, stretching your stiff muscles and turning to face Joe, who you found staring at you with a smirk.

“Checking me out, Mazzello?” you quipped, arms still stretched above your head. He nodded, the smirk never leaving his face.

“Always.” You finally dropped your arms, sticking your tongue out at him. He repeated the action before standing up himself and heading out of the room.

“I take it you guys know each other?” Leah asked, sipping her tea.

“Yeah, we go way back. Which makes doing this movie with him so much easier. We’re already super comfortable around each other.” You grabbed your now empty coffee cup and tossed into a nearby trash can.

“I’ll say. We aren’t even at the most emotional part of the movie and I can already feel such a strong connection between your characters,” Leah gushed. You point right at her.

“Just you wait until we’re on camera. I’m determined to make crew members cry while we’re filming,” you joke, making Leah laugh.

You made your way out of the meeting room, seeking a restroom. Once you found one and had a quick bathroom break, you made your way back to the meeting room. Before you reached the door, a familiar voice called your name behind you. You turned to find Joe.

“Joe, we have to stop meeting like this,” you reply, gesturing to the hallway you were standing in.

“Hey, at least I didn’t run you over,” he said, stopping in front of you.

“Are you ever going to let that go?” you asked, crossing your arms. He mimicked your position.

“Maybe. I figure you just owe me now,” he replied with a shrug, that smug smile ever present on his face.

“Oh? And what exactly do I owe you?” you questioned, afraid of the answer.

“I don’t know...maybe some homemade meatballs…” he said, slowing wandering towards the meeting room. You laughed. Of course that’s what he wanted. About a year ago you had invited some friends over your house, including Aaron, who brought Joe. You had made some homemade meatballs for meatball sandwiches using an old family recipe and Joe had proclaimed them the best meatballs he’d ever had.

“I see how it is, Mazzello. You’re just using me for my cooking skills,” you reply, following him into the meeting room.

“Hey, next time don’t body check somebody, and you won’t owe them meatballs.”

“I’m sorry, what?” Leah had been standing near the door and happened to catch Joe’s statement. You and Joe burst out laughing.

“Long story, Leah,” you insisted. She raised an eyebrow and shrugged it off.

After a few more minutes, everyone returned to their seats for the second half of the table read. The cast picked up right where you all left off, working through the scenes. Your excitement continued to grow as the read-through went on; the film was perfectly cast and the whole room felt it.

You got to one of the scenes that you knew was going to be the most challenging. Your character almost attempts suicide, but is discovered by Joe’s character. Joe was already starting to make strong choices, his voice breaking as he delivered his lines, the pain in his eyes already coming through. You couldn’t help but stare into his dark eyes as he pleaded for your character to choose to live. You were impressed by Joe’s delivery considering you hadn’t even rehearsed with the director yet. You were also simultaneously relieved to have a scene partner who was capable of giving this much of himself in a scene. You found it easy to work off of.

Finally, you came to the last scene in the script. The scene where your character and Joe’s character realize that they had been blind to the love between each other all along. The kind of love that is unconditional. The kind of love the film was named after. The last scene was your favorite; it was powerful and was also going to challenge you as an actress. There was no dialogue, only actions.

“The pair sit motionless for a few moments. Ruby turns to look at Desmond; she is feeling the strongest feelings she has ever felt in her entire life. Desmond mirrors Ruby, almost telepathically telling her that he is right there with her, flooding with emotions. Silently, Ruby shifts and tucks herself into Desmond’s side, his arm instinctively coming up behind her to pull her in closer. They move as one, settling as close to each other as they can. Their attentions turn back to the television. Suddenly tears fill Ruby’s eyes and she can’t help but smile. She starts to cry happily, knowing she has finally found her true, unconditional love. Fade to black.”

The entire room erupted in applause as Julia finished reading. You notice a few crew members wipe away a tear or two. You smiled and shook your head lovingly. You love when art moves people.

Julia proceeded to give a last few words before dismissing the group. You grabbed your things and started to head out. A few cast and crew members stopped you along the way, telling you how they excited they were to work on the project and how they thought your performance in the read-through was great. You thanked each of them before finally escaping to the hallway, ready to head home after a long day. By the time you made it out of the building, you were finally alone. Or so you thought.

You found Joe leaning against the wall right outside of the building, looking at his phone before looking up at you.

“Killer read-through. I’m excited to start filming,” he said, walking with you down the stairs and into the parking lot.

“Me too. I was already pretty stoked about the project, but this just made me even more antsy to get started on production,” you replied.

“I’m also excited to have such a talented scene partner. We’re going to get to explore some really complex things.” You found yourself blushing from his compliment. Wait, blushing? Did Joe Mazzello just actually make you blush?

“Yeah, I can already sense a really solid foundation to work from,” you replied, looking down at your messenger bag to both find your car keys and hide your red cheeks. The two of you reached your car just as you fished your keys out of your bag.

“Well, I guess I will see you in two weeks,” you say finally looking back up at the actor. Joe made a confused face before crossing his arms again.

“What about my meatballs? You’re telling me I have to wait until filming starts?” You roll your eyes.

“You’re going to be a handful, aren’t you?” you ask, opening your car door. Joe just grinned, proud of himself. “Fine, you can come over for dinner Friday night. Invite whoever you want...within reason,” you said, pointing your finger at him.

“So I guess that means I can’t invite literally everyone I know?” he asked, feigning innocence.

“Bye Joe,” you replied, getting into your car. The redhead walked away smiling.

You started your car and sat for a moment, processing the past few hours. You were certain of two things. Firstly, this project was going to be something really special. Secondly, you might be slightly attracted to Joseph Mazzello. Uh oh.

“Here we go again,” you said to yourself before pulling out of the parking lot.

[no-d4y-but-tod4y]

My entry for the love is blind f/o event! I can’t lie I became addicted to this show. I’m a sucker for garbage tv 😅.

For coherency, my point of view and dialogue will be in red and Frank’s will be in blue! We may even make purple! 😁

Enjoy!

———

Love is Blind

It was claustrophobic in the room they made her sit in. The florescent lines in the back wall giving the illusion of a shirking square made her eyes go funny. Looking forward into the intrusive lens broadcasting this entire process to the nation made the sicky feeling even worse. She tried again to remember why the fuck she agreed to do this in the first place.

‘Can you tell us your name, age, and where you’re from?’

She cleared her throat and sat up straight in the chair.

‘I’m Alma, I’m twenty years old and I’m from the UK.’

‘My name is Frank, I can legally drink alcohol and I live in Belgravian England.’

‘What drew you to apply for the show?’

‘Acceptance.’

‘I want to be accepted.’

‘I’m worried that —.’

‘ — people will be put off by the way I look and how I dress.’

‘ — my complications and inabilities will lead people to choose the other person.’

‘People have been very hostile towards me before.’

‘This fear has actually prevented me from pursing any romantic relationships, and my time in the pod today will be my very first date.’

‘And if I can’t get someone to like me—.’

‘ — from sitting behind a screen —.’

‘Then what chance have I got?’

———

Day Three of the Experirment.

The text, in white, was what the producers had planned to fade into the bottom left corner of the screen. But the producer overseeing today’s cutaways and filming schedule wasn’t sure if they could use this shot at all. It was clear to every crew member in the room that the girl making her entry to the video diary had been crying.

She held it together very well, they could give her that. But the red-rimmed eyes and glistening eyelashes were unmistakable, just like the slight thickness and cracks in her voice. And when she distractedly adjusted her hair, they could see that her hands were shaking.

‘I don’t think I can do this anymore guys.’

The producer blinked. ‘Can you talk us through what happened?’

Her eyes flicked to the lense with a look of reproach. ‘Do you have to keep filming?’

‘We can...we can stop rolling if that’s what you need right now.’ She nodded. The producer turned off the camera and angled the lense towards the floor. At least one of the crew members would keep their body camera on. ‘What’s making you upset?’

She sighed and looked down at the floor.

‘Some guy. A date I just had.’

‘He didn’t reciprocate your feelings?’

‘He was asking me horrible questions.’

‘The objective of the experiment is to ask questions.’ The producer inwardly rolled her eyes. These people were so shallow and stupid.

‘He was behaving really inappropriately and he made me feel uncomfortable.’

‘Then change the subject.’

‘I tried to and he didn’t listen.’

‘What exactly was he asking you?’ The producer leaned forwards and tested their chin on interlocked fingers. This should be good. He was talking about his dogs and mine died recently so all talk of dogs is too triggering to me now...

The producer did not betray so much as a raised eyebrow as the girl came out with a slew of accusations. Her alledged ‘interrogation’ ranged from the inappropriate to the obscene. The producer felt nothing but offence and annoyance. These people would do anything for a shot at fame on television, but this would reflect badly on all of them. Did the girl not have any respect? These people’s livelihoods were at stake now.

Stupid girl. Why didn’t she get up and leave?

‘Did you answer any of them?’

She glared at them. ‘What do you think. I’m twenty years old, I told him that before he exposed himself as a complete pervert. I’m telling you that was sickening and really unfair to me. Don’t ever put me in a room with him again.’

‘You haven’t given us a name.’

‘I don’t know it.’ The producer caught themselves just before they scoffed in disbelief. How did she expect them to do anything if she didn’t have a name? This had to be a gimmick, she was looking for attention and views. The whole team could see right through her. ‘About half way through I moved to sit behind the sofa facing away from the screen and I shut his voice out. I could hear...sound but I couldn’t tell you a word he said. Come to think of it, I don’t think he even introduced himself to me. He learnt my name and my age, talked to me politely for a bit but as soon as he had enough information to build a profile he dived in to his sexual portfolio. It’s obvious why he’s here. I really think you should do something about him.’

‘We appreciate your voicing your concerns to us.’ They would add new segments based on this to the script and leave it at that. ‘But I don’t think you should leave. You haven’t even met all the male participants yet.’ The girl didn’t say anything. ‘Sure you can’t sleep on it?’

‘I’ll give it one more day,’ she said at last. ‘But if you ignore everything I’ve said in favour of a dramatic angle for your show and a different girl gets hurt, I will go to every newsroom in the country. I will run you lot into the ground.’

The producer painted on a false smile. Of course you will, sweetie. ‘Thank you for persevering. We’ll change your mind, you’ll see.’

She murmured her thanks and left the room.

The team ran to the table in the corner of the room and rifled through all the pictures and applications. A crew member pulled up the footage of the date in question on the laptop while another brought out an SD card and placed it on the table. Thank heavens they caught that interview.

‘Who was she with? Do you see that face anywhere?’

‘Got him.’ The producer took a file from an outstretched hand.

They sat down and read through the profile. Mid-fifties. Blonde hair, grey eyes. Tennis on Tuesdays and Fridays. Hobbies included hunting and shooting. Very well off indeed. The immediate and only conclusion was she’d tried her luck as a sugar baby and had obviously been put in her place. With nothing else to do and a bruised ego she produced some crocodile tears and played the modern day victim to hang a hashtag off of.

‘Keep them apart for the sake of the editing team. They’re on a tight schedule. But do not let either of them leave. Lie, beg, bribe, whatever, but we are keeping them on our show.’ They thought for a moment. She still had to be paired with somebody else. ‘Put her with that one tomorrow.’ They picked up a file with the strangest picture on the top and tucked it under the girl’s. The casting director must have been smoking some serious shit to put that on the line up. ‘Show her what a real sexual predator looks like.’

———

For the umpteenth time, Frank went to adjust his cape around himself and remembered it wasn’t there.

It was strange, the way it happened. One of those quirks of fate, really. One of those...moments.

As the few people who knew Frank would tell you, he was the last person they’d expect to appear on a show like this. Frank who thrives on physical attraction, who loved tanned skin, large muscles, shaply chests and wide hips. Sitting in a room with nothing else to do but listen to a voice for hours on end should have been Frank’s worst nightmare.

But recently Frank had had an epiphany. While he did love all of his previous partners a little in their own way, basing interactions purely on physicality only secured a short fling. Because people chewed with their mouth open or laughed at everything or hated Marmite or were allergic to cats. And, he never thought he’d say this, but Frank was getting bored of sex on its own now. He loved sex. He loved the initial attraction and the anticipation and the act itself and the cigarette afterwards. But then they went home, and he fell asleep in a cold and empty bed. He wondered if he was even capable of seeing anything more than that in a person after indulging in his hedonism for so long. He dearly hoped someone could see more in him.

And his unsightly manservant, of all people, handed him a flyer just over a month ago and said he thought of him when he saw it. Something had compelled him to voice his feelings to the man - and Frank had been rather peeved when he learned his manservant had been telling everyone he’d probably never get married. The hunchback has taken the conversation to heart and found it within himself to help Frank. He couldn’t help feeling touched.

They worked on the application together and sent it off. Frank tried not to think too much of it but he secretly really hoped he’d be selected. And now, here he was, standing in front of a door that would lead into a pod where he was expected to spend increasing amounts of time with one person. And by the end of the experiment he should have found someone to marry.

He’d met three girls so far. One was nice and friendly enough, but he didn’t feel any emotional connection at all. He remembered her name though, and would probably invite her out for a drink after this was over. The second was very forward and honest about his she felt, which he normally would have loved. Perhaps it was the inability to see her, but the words sounded put-upon and disingenuous, despite being exactly right. And the third girl, whom he’d met yesterday, couldn’t understand a single thing he said to her. He knew he had an accent but he didn’t think it was that strong.

Still. A new day today. Fourth times a charm?

‘Excuse me? Hello?’ A smartly dressed man jogged up to him, a clipboard and large headphones about his person. ‘Francis, isn’t it?’

‘It’s Frank.’ They’d been calling him by the wrong name all week. They were doing it on purpose now, he was sure of it. ‘Can I be of service?’

‘We just wanted to let you know that the girl you’re going to meet today had a bit of a wobble last night and told us she wanted to leave. We managed to bring her around for one more day but could you do us a solid and make sure she rides the whole thing out?’

‘You want me to persuade her to stay?’ He paused. ‘But what if she doesn’t want to?’

‘If she goes we’ll have to axe a guy to level out the numbers.’

Frank blinked. Obviously he would be kicked off for failing to force himself on another person...

‘I’ll see what I can do. May I go in now?’

‘Awesome. Thanks, Fred.’

‘It’s-!’ He sighed, not bothering to correct the man as he flitted his way down the corridor. He placed his hand on the door handle and took a deep breath. Here goes nothing...

———

The greeting made Alma jump so much that she spilled her drink down the front of her dress. So lost in her thoughts, was she, that she didn’t even hear anyone come in.

‘Are you alright, darling? I heard a crash.’

That would be the glass in pieces, scattered all over the floor.

‘I’m fine. Just clumsy.’ Fuck me. Why did I come in here. Just take me home now. ‘I spilled my drink.’

‘Oh, you poor thing! You didn’t cut yourself on the glass, did you? Probably did it on purpose to escape the situation. Frank’s heart went out to her, he would hate to be in her position: dictated to and whispered about by the televisual powers that be. ‘What were you having?’

‘Wine,’ she lied, although she had simply poured Diet Coke into a cocktail glass. She was keeping every last one of her wits about her today.

Frank smirked down at his Old Fashioned, swirling the amber liquid around in the glass. ‘Is that your favourite?’

‘No. I prefer vodka and orange.’ She would have poured herself one of those today, had that not been the same drink she had in her hand yesterday. She wondered if it was still on the floor where she left it, before abandoning all restraint and hiding away from the screen like a child.

‘Ah, the silent assassin. It tastes like juice and then —.’

‘ — you can’t walk.’

Frank chuckled - and he though he heard her giggle too.

‘What’s your name, darling?’

‘Alma.’

‘That’s a pretty name. I hope you don’t mind me saying but you have a very nice voice.’

Oh not another creep. Please. Don’t ask me about phone sex or any shit like that...

‘I’m sorry, darling, did I make you uncomfortable?’

She paused. She wouldn’t let her guard down just yet. ‘No. I just didn’t know how to respond. I’ve never known anyone who sounds like you. Is your accent real?’

‘As opposed to surgically enhanced?’

She laughed. That took her by surprise. ‘No, I just meant-.’

‘I know what you meant, sweet Alma, I’m just teasing. I was practically raised in private education.’

Her heart sank. ‘You must be clever.’

‘The cleverest. I’m a doctor.’

Her heart sank even more. Far too good for her then. Still, she wasn’t impolite. ‘Medicine?’

‘Science. Bio-chemistry, to be precise.’

‘Well, I can say you’re the first scientist I’ve ever met. It’s nice to meet you, doctor...’ she nearly gasped out loud. ‘I haven’t asked your name.’

How rude. How embarrassing. How utterly avoidable and completely stupid.

Frank was smiling. What a sweet girl. She spoke with the interest of an inquisitive child but with an eloquence that rivalled his own. And he really had meant it when he said she had a lovely talking voice - though in hindsight he would have rephrased that now. He couldn’t describe it, it just...sounded pleasant. The way she talked was soothing to him.

‘I’m Frank. But I like my friends to call me Frankie. Will you call me Frankie?’

‘Are you handsome, Frankie?’

‘Painfully so.’ She giggled. ‘That’s why they installed the screen. This would have been a conventional first date had they not realised I was coming and put a wall between us so it would be appropriate for the watershed.’

Lack of confidence was certainly not an issue of his. Another reason for a seed of doubt to drop into Alma’s brain. She wondered how he’d react if she told him she faked an illness to avoid a pool party and didn’t even own a full length mirror.

‘How old are you, sweetness?’

‘Twenty.’

She heard a weird noise.

Frank choked on his drink.

‘What’s a young girl like you doing on a show like this? You’re barely out of childhood, you’ve got heaps of time to find someone. I feel like a fossil now.’

She giggled again. This date could not have gone better. The polar opposite to how she felt yesterday. Her stomach was filled with pleasant knots, she felt as though she glowed from the inside out. And try as she might, she could not keep this dumb grin off her face.

‘Why, how old are you?’

‘Old enough.’

‘No, tell me.’

That was the problem. In so-called ‘earthling’ years he hadn’t a bloody clue. He wasn’t even sure how old he looked, to someone who didn’t know.

‘I suppose you’ll have to marry me if you really want to find out.’ No response. ‘I’m older than you, dear. That’s all I’ll say about that.’

Too good to be true. Of course. ‘Do you think I’m too young?’

‘I think you’re silly. You could have anyone. I haven’t even seen you and you’ve already won me over.’

Her heart stopped. Fake. A tv show. This is a tv show. It’s all acting it’s all for views. She felt herself getting upset again.

‘You must be a different breed then.’

Frank chuckled. That’s one way to put it.

‘No one’s ever said that to me before.’

‘Then no one’s ever been worthy of you.’

She didn’t say anything. She had moved to sit cross legged right in front of the screen, but now she stared down at her lap, consumed by an overwhelming desire to go home again.

This wasn’t real. This would never happen to her.

‘You’ve gone all shy,’ Frank murmured. ‘What’s wrong, petal?’

Something about his voice drew the truth out of her. ‘I never thought I was worthy of anything.’

She heard a strange sort of rustling sound. She wondered if Frank had been sitting on the floor like her, but was moving away now her blatant insecurities had put him off.

Frank moved as close to the screen as he could, and leaned his forehead against the blue wall. ‘I wish I could touch you. I’d gather you up close and cradle you in my arms and stroke your hair to comfort you.’ He pressed his hand against the screen. ‘Would you like that?’

Alma placed her hand on the screen. It may be fruitless pining, but she have to take advantage of this feeling. She’d never feel this way again.

‘I’d like that very much.’

Footsteps and loud voices rang out from behind the door.

‘Looks like our time’s nearly up.’ Frank continued to speak in your same soft tone. ‘Will I see you again?’

Alma stood up and backed away, staring at the screen. Decision time. Leave now and be away from that creep but lose her chance with Frank too, or stay for Frank and watch him fall in love with somebody else?

It didn’t occur to Alma that Frank might choose her.

‘Darling? Are you still there?’

Call me ‘darling’ in that accent again. I love it.

‘Tomorrow?’

Frank flooded with relief. He really though he’d get turned down. ‘It’s a date.’

The living area erupted upon walking in with a big smile.

———

‘Okay, video diary day four, take one. Talk us through how you’re feeling.’

‘I had a really nice time today. My date was—.’

‘—endearing.’

‘—charming.’

‘He had a way of making me laugh.’

‘I just wanted to take her in my arms.’

‘I like Frank very much.’

‘I feel honoured that Alma wants to see me again.’

The producer inhaled sharply, sitting to attention. ‘She’s staying?’

The producer had an almost triumphant gleam in their eyes. ‘Are you staying?’

‘Yes. I want a second date.’