#no joke about that being the only time in her life she ever bought groceries btw

[junglejim4322]

This town reallt produces some lynchian interactions. The ONE time my ex girlfriend ever went grocery shopping because I was too sick to she was standing in the yogurt aisle and apparently some guy walked up to her and (somewhat angrily) pointed to the yogurt and said “do you know what that is?!” And she said “yogurt?” And he visibly calmed down and said “oh ok” and then just left

[just-jordie-things]

video games - takuma ino

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ 10k follower event special! ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

word count: 11.6k warnings: mentions of blood, drinking summary: ino has been infatuated with his non-sorcerer roommate since day one. but he's convinced she couldn't feel the same way. more info: roommate!au, friends to lovers, gojo hits on you but it's for the greater good ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[ it’s you, it’s you, it’s all for you // everything i do // i tell you all the time, heaven is a place on earth with you // tell me all the things you wanna do ]

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

How Takuma Ino ended up with a non-sorcerer roommate wasn’t as interesting of a story as his colleagues always thought it would be when they’d first find out.  They were always so eager for the details- was she his girlfriend? Did she know about his career and lifestyle? Was she cute? How did they meet?- and even though Ino would often laugh sheepishly and duck his head to hide his smile, the truth just wasn’t that exciting.

The truth was that as fun as being a jujutsu sorcerer was, it didn’t pay well.  So he needed a roommate in order to better afford rent.  One ad led to another, and soon (y/l/n) (y/n) was showing up asking for a tour.  It only took one visit for her to decide to move in, and they’ve been roommates for the better part of a year now.

Ino always leaves out the part where he didn’t believe she’d actually agree to join the lease with him- when she’d shown up at his door he figured she’d only asked for a tour to be polite.  In his mind there was just no way that a young woman as beautiful and hard working in her field needed a roommate- much less some random dude like him.  She’d been so friendly and easy going upon their first meeting and they seemed to click just right, so she’d shook his hand and set a move-in date that very day.  When she’d left, Ino had collapsed on his sofa with a beer and a bewildered laugh to himself.  Even now, he’s not sure how he managed to make it happen.

“You wanna order chinese? I don’t feel like cooking” 

(y/n’s) call from the other side of the room drew him out of his thoughts, and he glanced over the back of the couch to see her rummaging through the pantry.  Logic reared it’s head, reminding him that they’d just bought groceries so they should probably save the money and eat at home tonight.

But then she gave him that hopeful little smile that he couldn’t help but return before nodding his head.  Logic never won in a battle against something (y/n) wanted.

“Sure” He agrees through his smile.

By the time she’s dressed in her comfy lounging clothes, he’s already called their usual place and made an order.  He’d long since memorized her go-to order and was usually the one put in charge of calling.  He never minded.  How could he complain when everything about their situation was just so perfect? 

The roommate of his dreams, she was.  Tidy, quiet, a great cook, and one of the most pleasant people he’s ever gotten to know, Ino truly believed he struck gold when (y/n) answered his ad.  So even when his colleagues teased him for his living situation, he could hardly care.

And tease him they did.  Gojo was the main assailant.  Often joking about how strong Ino must feel all the time, being in the presence of a weak non-sorcerer human.  How she must think he was some superhero compared to all the lame human men she’d meet at her job or through her friends.  How Ino must be so lucky to have a young lady as his roommate.   Still, no matter how much he messed around, Ino knew that there was no harm in Gojo’s words.  And he also knew that if he’d actually met (y/n), he’d shut his ignorant mouth.

Nanami didn’t invest himself too much in Ino’s private life, he was simply respectful and reserved like that, but on occasion he’d been known to ask about his roommate.  Mostly situational to their occupation- such as what she thought of the nasty cuts and bruises he’d come home with- but once in a blue moon he’d make a comment suggesting it was only a matter of time before one of them developed feelings.  Ino always flustered under the light of those questions and found a way to avoid them.

In the few times throughout his week that he’d cross paths with Shoko, she always made a point to ask about his roommate.  Which was sort of odd, seeing as her work in the infirmary didn’t make them the closest of colleagues, but at first the casual conversation was welcomed.  But it was only a matter of time before she, too, would begin pestering him about making a move on her.

They all seemed to have the same underlying message.  How could you share a living space with someone and not catch feelings for them? And Ino spent a lot of his time and energy trying to convince them that it simply wasn’t like that.  Just because they both happened to be single, and close friends, and sharing a small two bedroom apartment, didn’t mean that romantic feelings were bound to happen.  They were both adults, they could live in such a situation and keep their hands and hearts to themselves.

He was a liar, though.

Takuma Ino had fallen completely, head over heels in love with his roommate, and there was no chance of him ever getting over that feeling.

It had taken relatively no time for the feelings to develop.  Shortly after her moving in, she’d made an effort to be close to him.  There wasn’t a moment where he felt like she wanted space or privacy away from him.  She often offered to help him cook, or invited him grocery shopping with her, or out to a movie she wanted to see, and a fast friendship blossomed.  The way she always reached out to include him had him swooning in no time.

Coffee runs, movie nights, and frequent texting throughout their days before they both came home all snowballed into one undeniable truth.  He was falling in love with her.

When Ino had first realized that’s what was happening when his heart would leap out of his chest when she’d scoot close to him on the couch so they could share a blanket while they watched a movie or played a game together, he’d tried to bury it.  Because surely his mind was just playing tricks on him.  Surely he was just excited that a pretty and kind girl like her wanted to be so close to him, and his feelings were strictly platonic.

But then he found himself relaxing just from the smell of her shampoo wafting close to him.  He realized that when he would come home from a late assignment and she’d be waiting for him that his heart was skipping a beat because it was just so perfectly domestic.  He couldn’t deny it for too long at all, not when she so sweetly saved him the leftovers from her dinner and would heat it up for him while he showered and de-stressed from the particularly rough assignment.

The only problem was that he knew she didn’t feel the same way, and he’d been struggling to keep his true feelings hidden.  From her, and from his pesky fellow sorcerers.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

(y/n) hated when Ino came home late from his assignments.

Not because the squeak door woke her up, or because it meant she was alone taking care of the evening chores.  It was simply because she’d stay up every time, too consumed with anxiety to go to sleep without knowing he’d returned safe and sound.

Which, in all fairness, he always did.  He always came home, and most of the time he’d shoot her a message saying he’d wrapped up with work and was on his way- even when it was one in the morning- like tonight.

She waited up on the couch, wrapped up in a fluffy blanket with the title screen of a movie she’d watched hours ago playing it’s intro for the thousandth time.  In all fairness she knew he could handle himself, and he’d never not come home, or come back with life threatening injuries.

That didn’t mean he didn’t come back hurt, and that didn’t mean she wouldn’t fuss over him, every single time.

And tonight when he finally stumbles into the apartment, just as the clock ticks past two, she’s practically gnawing at her nails as she rushes towards him.

Despite the way he limps, and there’s blood trickling out of his nose, he gives her a smile, and he’s the first to worry.

“It’s late, you should be in bed” He scolds without any real threat to his words.  This routine had established itself months ago, and he knew damn well that she wouldn’t get a wink of sleep until she knew he was safely returned home.

Still, he worried about something as silly as her sleep schedule every time.

“Shut up” Is all (y/n) mumbles, beckoning him further into their apartment, until he’s following her to the bathroom.  

She’s faster than him, pulling out the well loved first aid kit and getting everything prepped and ready on the counter while he slowly staggers in behind her.  It was practically the same scene every time he came home like this.  No matter how beat up he was- with a mere scratch or bloodied to a pulp- she was forcing him to sit down on the lid of the toilet seat so she could tend to his injuries herself.

Ino wasn’t sure if it was for her own well being and comfort, knowing that she’d taken care of him and none of his injuries would get infected.  Or if maybe she just didn’t trust him to take care of them himself, maybe she knew that his idea of first aid was slapping a hello kitty band aid on it and calling it a night.

(There was one instance a few months ago where he’d left a hello kitty band aid on the back of his hand that she’d so lovingly placed there, and Gojo didn’t let him hear the end of it for the entire day.  Not that Ino minded.  Every time he caught a glimpse of the pink band aid it brought a smile to his face remembering how gentle she’d been covering the cut underneath, how her thumb had stroked over the sticker so lightly to ensure it was well placed and would do the trick.  He left that band aid on his hand for as long as he could before eventually it lost his adhesive and in turn he lost it)

Either way, he never tried to talk her out of tending to him.  Even when he knew it was too late for her to be staying up just to clean up some silly injuries that were nothing compared to the things that Shoko healed with her Reverse Cursed Technique- but he’d never tell (y/n) about the broken bones or brushes with death.  He’d just keep his mouth shut and sit on that toilet seat while she soaked a cotton pad in antiseptic and gently dabbed at the cuts on his arm.

“Sorry” 

She’d mumble the apology every time she’d make first contact with the injury, knowing how the alcohol tended to sting.  And every time, Ino would give her a small smile and tell her it was alright.

“How was your day?” He hummed as she continued to clean up the few cuts on his arms.  She had his sleeve rolled all the way up and tucked carefully at his shoulder so it wouldn’t be a hindrance.  She hummed thoughtfully before shrugging a shoulder.

“Pretty boring, nothing of note,” She murmured back truthfully.  “Until now” She adds, her eyes meeting his just so he’d catch the hint of reprimand in her tone.

Ino can’t help but chuckle to himself, he’d forever be amused by the way she worries over him.  She may have been new to the world of jujutsu sorcery, but it never failed to humor him how she’d fuss and worry over such minor injuries.  Injuries that Shoko wouldn’t treat even if Ino walked into the infirmary and begged for it.  Surely he’d be laughed at.

“So you’re saying I’m the highlight?” He teases quietly, and (y/n) rolls her eyes, but doesn’t deny it.  She chooses the safe route and keeps her focus on her handiwork.  He still laughs at her obvious non-answer.  “Work was alright, though?” 

“I suppose,” She answers.  “Got home early because some people in my department were going out and convinced my boss to join, so they let us all leave early.  That was nice” 

Ino gave her a small frown, but it went unnoticed.

“How come you didn’t go?” 

Her eyes briefly flicker up to his, and she purses her lips before shrugging her shoulders in a small movement.

“Wasn’t really in the mood,” She says, and it’s not a total lie, but she averts her eyes shortly after, reaching out to the first aid kit on the counter again.  She fishes around a bit before finding the package of square shaped band aids.  “Besides, I didn’t know when you’d be back” She added.

It deepens his frown, but she’s completely avoiding his gaze now.  He expects as much, seeing as he’s had this conversation with her before.  He encourages her to go out with her friends more, or make new friends at work to hang out with, and she always has an excuse at the ready.  Sometimes her reasoning was decent, but most of the time it was obvious she came up with them on the spot, and it made his heart sink.

Of course he wanted her around all the time, pushing her away was absolutely a struggle for him, but Ino knew that if they continued only spending time with one another, then his feelings would never go away.  It would be hard, but tremendous help if she made a new best friend, or better yet a boyfriend, and then he’d have to get over her, he was sure.

“You shouldn’t avoid your friends cause of me,” He tells her quietly.  “It’s late, you could’ve gone out… if you wanted to” 

After placing a band aid on his skin and smoothing down the corners so it stayed intact, she glanced up at him.  A small knot formed between her brows before she cracked a goofy smile.

“They’re not my friends, Ino,” She chuckles at him.  “They’re coworkers.  I see them plenty enough, I don’t need to hang out with them outside of work- where we would probably still only talk about work” 

As far as excuses went, it was a pretty damn good one.  So this time he gave in, smiling and nodding back at her in understanding.

“Guess that’s fair,” He mumbles, and she laughs quietly again as she opens up another band aid.  “I just… I dunno, I don’t want you missing out of stuff, that’s all” 

“I think I’m old enough to decide what I want to do with my time,” She teases, her cheeks warming at the insinuation in her admission.  “If I didn’t want to be here, I wouldn’t be” 

His heart skips a beat, and as lovely as the feeling is when his stomach flips, Ino wishes she wouldn’t say stuff like that.  It gave his heart the wrong idea, and it was hard to fight with his heart.  He was convinced his brain just wasn’t strong enough to fight the delusion.

“So your ideal night is patching up this idiot, huh?” He wiggles his eyebrows at her in that way that always makes her laugh, and she does, bubbly and sweet, and again his stomach does a flip.  Making her laugh always brightened him up completely.  Like a video game character maxing out his health bar.

“I think I would’ve made a great doctor” She teases back, shaking the box of band aids at him before carefully tucking them back in their spot in the first aid kit.

“You don’t even give me lollipops, how could you say that?” Ino retorts in mock offense- although it would make these little patch up sessions even better if he was rewarded with her close proximity and candy, but he’d accept one sweet thing at a time.

“Shut up,” She says through her giggles, finally closing up the whole kit.  “You’re lucky I don’t do any of the scary stuff.  I’ll leave that for your sorcerer friends” 

“Eh, it might come to that,” Ino shrugs.  He stays seated as she puts the small case back into it’s spot in the cabinet, lingering in her space for however long she’ll let him.  “Shoko will probably get tired of me eventually, you know.  How comfortable are you with stitches?” 

The grin on his face is nothing short of teasing- and he knows he should stop.  He knows that eventually the lines get blurry and he’s not sure how much his teasing is starting to blend into flirting, and with how playful her nature is she’s never afraid to dish it back.  Not once had she reacted in an uncomfortable manner to something he’s said, but that only makes it harder for him to draw that line in the sand.

(y/n) shuts the cabinet and turns to him with her hands on her hips.  A serious look flashes across her expression that he can’t tell if it’s meant to be in humor or if she’s actually about to drop the playful atmosphere.  With a step towards him, she leans over so her height matches his, and they’re face to face.

“Takuma Ino,” She declares, eyes boring into his with an intensity that makes him gulp down on air.  “Unless you want some really funky looking scars, don’t go asking me to stitch you up.  Leave it to your magic friends” 

His anxious expression drops as he breaks into a smile, amused by her choice of words, and her own face softens as she smiles back at him.  It was infectious, the way he smiled.  It could get her to crack even when she was really trying to be stubborn.  A secret weapon of his that (y/n) was pretty sure he used on purpose, but there were some instances she could be convinced that he had no clue of this power.

“My magic friends, huh?” He repeats with a smirk.  

He’d definitely have to tell Gojo about that one when he saw him next.  Surely it would feed into his ego, if not make him cackle.

(y/n) stands up again, her cheeks suddenly feeling a little too warm, before she spins around and heads out of the bathroom.  Finally, Ino stands, stretching his sore limbs and checking over the array of bandages on his arm before following after her.

“Or better yet, just don’t get yourself hurt anymore” (y/n) adds, her back turned to him as she makes her way towards her room.

“Oh wow, I hadn’t thought of that” He shot back in a mocking voice.  He knows she rolls her eyes, even if he can’t see.

“Just sayin’, why don’t you work on that technique where stuff doesn’t touch you? Like that one guy?” 

He has to bite his cheek to keep himself from breaking out into a fit of laughter.  She was trying her best to understand how jujutsu worked, even if she was a little off the mark.  There was also something so rewardingly funny about someone not remembering who Gojo Satoru was- even if she’d never met the guy.

“Not exactly how it works,” He replies.  (y/n) turns to him as she stands in the middle of her doorway.  Her tiredness is more evident now in the way she leans against it and blinks slowly back at him.  “Pretty sure I gotta stick with the one I was born with”  

She hums, pursing her lips as she tries to recall all of his explanations for the finicky sorcerer world.  But her mind is foggy with exhaustion and she’s getting a little too swept up in how softly his brown eyes gaze at her, so she shakes her head and finally turns towards her room.

“Noted,” She tells him, knocking twice on her frame before grabbing the handle of her door and pulling it behind her.  “G’night Ino” 

His heart warms as he bids her goodnight, and he lingers in the empty apartment for a few more seconds before making his way into his own bedroom.  

Every minute spent with her felt special and worth basking in, even when nothing significant happened, even when it was a completely normal night.  Just being around her was enough for his insides to melt into a buttery mess.

When he goes to sleep, he hopes to see her in his dreams, where he doesn’t have to feel anxious or guilty about his feelings, and he can be with her freely, without a care in the world.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“There’s gonna be this… work thing… next weekend,” 

He brings it up out of nowhere, although he’s spent a while trying to find a way to say it, he actually blurts it out in the middle of the two of them watching a movie.  So it’s not actually surprising when (y/n) turns towards him with a puzzled look on her face, already reaching for the remote to pause the movie.

Tonight she sits close enough that with his arm strewn across the back of the couch, it could almost feel like they were cuddled up together.  Even though they’re not touching- unless you counted the stray hairs that fell from her claw clip and brushed his arm behind her head.

“If you wanted to come, anyways,” Ino clears his throat uncomfortably, suddenly feeling a little more on the spot with the movie stopped and her full attention on him.  “Gojo’s hosting, said anyone can come, I- I don’t have that many details yet, but, um, I’ll probably go, since Nanami said he was-” 

“And I’m allowed to go?” She ends his suffering with her question, her brows raising in shock.

“Allowed?” Ino repeats the choice of word, followed by a short chuckle.  “Of course you are, why do you say it like that?” 

“I dunno,” Her shoulders shrug limply, although she knows exactly why she asks.  “Cause… I’m not like you, I guess” 

Ino’s never given too much thought to their differences.  Besides when he’d realized he’d have to tell her the truth about his career, and they had spent hours on this very sofa while he explained the complicated history of jujutsu, and the ins and outs of curses and cursed techniques.  She’d had her uncertainties, and endless questions, but after that talk, the stark differences in the lives they led outside of this apartment rarely came up.  He could almost say it didn’t matter, but he didn’t want to diminish either of their careers.

Now, as he watches her begin to curl up like she was trying to shrink into herself, his heart falls a little bit.  Did she really feel like she didn’t deserve an invite? Just because she was a non-sorcerer? In his eyes, it certainly didn’t make her any less of a person.  He could almost laugh.  How could a person like her feel that way? Someone so good hearted, hard working, brilliant, gorgeous- 

“Ino?” She presses forward, drawing him out of his derailed train of thoughts.  He blinks a few times as he comes back to the present moment.

“I want you to come” He says, feeling much bolder than he had when he first brought the subject up.

Now she’s blinking back at him wordlessly, eyes going round and a smile tugging at her lips.

“You do?” She asks, just to be sure, even though there’s not a doubt in her mind that he means it, with how genuine and hopeful his expression is.  Warmth blooms in her face, and she hopes that her blush isn’t too embarrassing.

It’s not.  Ino finds it utterly adorable, and quite endearing.

“Yeah,” He affirms with a nod of his head, before pushing a hand through his hair to pull it away from his face.  “I want you to meet everyone.  And I want them to finally meet you, too.  If you want to, that is” 

Her smile widens a little further as she nods back at him, the movement jittery and short, displaying her eagerness in it’s fullest.

“Sounds fun.  I’d love to,” She says softly.  Ino lights up with excitement, sitting up a little straighter as he beams at her.

However, before he can reach for the remote and start their movie up again, she snatches it away, a curious expression crossing her features as she studies him.

“But what do you mean finally, hm?” She muses, the question only half-playful.  Curiosity did get the best of her after all.  “Have they been dying to meet me or something?” 

He makes a face at her that makes her laugh, her eyes lighting up as his expression alone confirms what she’d been thinking.

“Have you been talking about me to your coworkers, Ino?” She teases, her grin practically splitting her face.

“Don’t be an idiot, of course I do,” He tries to play it off, reaching out for the remote again, but she pulls her hand away just before he can take it, subsequently having him lean almost fully across her, his arm outstretched towards the object that could free him of this torture.  “(y/n)” He huffs in annoyance, frowning at her when she still doesn’t play the movie.

“Nuh uh,” She says childishly while shaking her head.  “What do you tell them about me?” She presses further.

He wants to roll his eyes, and huff and groan until she’s annoyed into going back to their movie- which had just been starting to get good before he started this whole thing- but he can’t.  He just can’t bring himself to do it.  Not when she’s grinning up at him and he swears he sees an actual sparkle in her eyes.

“C’mon dummy, they know all about you” Again, Ino tries to play it off like it’s not a big deal.  

(As if he hadn’t gone on a long winded story to Nanami just the other day about how he was going to surprise her with a fruit bouquet of mangos on her nearing birthday, because she’d recently become obsessed with the tangy fruit and demanded they picked up the most overpriced ones every time they went to the grocery store.  Nanami had little to know interest in hearing about all the places Ino had researched who make fruit arrangements and how he hadn’t deemed any of them good enough yet) 

“All about me, huh?” She repeats curiously, before humming, content with the response.  

Then she finally pushes play on the remote before dropping it onto the cushion beside her.  Ino sends a silent thank you prayer to whatever greater force was looking out for his dignity, and settles back into his seat.

He swears when (y/n) gets settled, she’s sat just a little bit closer to him.  He’s pretty sure her shoulder wasn’t grazing against his earlier.

They’re a few minutes in before she speaks up again, her voice merely a soft whisper beside him.

“You didn’t have to be all shy about it.  I talk about you at work all the time” 

Ino can barely keep his focus on the whole rest of the movie.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

The work event isn’t necessarily a fancy one.  There’s not a dress code, and despite Ino’s worries with Gojo organizing it, it’s not at some five star establishment he couldn’t even afford to look at.  It’s held at a small local restaurant and bar.  

Gojo does, however, rent out the place for the evening, so the only patrons tonight would be those from Jujutsu Tech, and whoever they decide to bring.

Despite it being business casual at most, it still feels like it’s the most dressed up he’s ever gotten for going somewhere with (y/n).  Maybe it’s just his heart working on overdrive after seeing the simple but sleek black dress she’d chosen to wear for the night, paired with a little mesh wrap that was tied in a little bow at her chest and flared at the sleeves for some personality- but as soon as the evening began, Ino was starting to overthink.

“I’ve never been here before,” (y/n) hums as they approach the venue.  “I don’t know what I was expecting, but it wasn’t this” 

She peeks a glance over at Ino as he’s also admiring the building.  It’s a rather small restaurant, but the architecture has enough character that it’s worth getting a good look at before going inside.  Or maybe he was just stalling where he could.

He looks really nice tonight, she thinks, and the thought instantly makes her heart skip a beat as she takes a few more seconds to look at him.  He’s in dark slacks and a cotton black sweater that looks so soft she’s suddenly dying to pinch the fabric between her fingers to see for herself.  It’s paired with a white collared undershirt for a little extra flair- something she knows she once told him she liked seeing on a man- and without his mask piled up on top of his head his long hair wisps in slight curls around his ears, just barely touching his shoulders.

She knows she’s been staring for too long, but it takes a few tries before she actually pulls her gaze away from him.

“I wasn’t either,” Ino says, and it takes her a minute to remember what she’d even said.  “Knowing Gojo, I was expecting something… worse” 

(y/n) chuckles to herself, before nodding to the door.

“Time to enjoy not worse?” She prompts, and he grins before gesturing for her to follow him inside.

Ino reaches over her shoulder to push the door open, only to follow behind her with a gentle hand on her back guiding her in.  The silk of her dress is so smooth and thin against the light graze of his hand that he can feel the heat of her skin through it, and it takes a mental talk with himself in order to keep him from pressing his hand fully against her back.

She gives him a sweet smile in gratitude, before both of their attention is pulled away by the shrill of cheering amongst the chatter of people in the restaurant.

There weren’t a lot of people- there weren’t many jujutsu sorcerers to begin with- but there were enough to fill the room with a certain level of white noise with background conversation.  All of that was drowned out by a small group of people currently shouting and beckoning Ino and his date over towards them.

Most of the shouting came from Gojo, but Shoko and Utahime seemed to be at just the right amount of intoxicated to join in with loud bouts of laughter.  Nanami is also at the table, politely sipping his drink with a mere nod of greeting as Ino brings (y/n) their way.

“I guess I should have given you some warnings” He says under his breath as they make their way through the slight crowd. 

Most of the managers are grouped together, Nitta giving a friendly wave in passing before going back to a heated argument that made Ino and (y/n) chuckle to themselves.  It lightened some of the tension in (y/n’s) shoulders.  She didn’t want to bother him with her silly anxieties, but she’d been quite worried about showing up to an event full of people who were extraordinary, meanwhile she was merely a salary worker.

Don’t get her wrong, she worked hard and was proud of how quickly she’d moved up in the ranks, but how could she compare that to people with other-worldly abilities? People who actively saved lives? 

“Warnings?” She murmurs, glancing over at him, only to find his gaze already set on her.

“Not- not bad ones, necessarily,” Ino stammered.  “It’s just… Gojo is loud, and nosy, but he’s a good time and he means no harm, promise,” 

(y/n) nods in understanding, eyes flickering back to the table of sorcerers they were currently headed towards.  She had a pretty good idea of which one was Gojo.

“Nanami’s quiet.  He looks judgemental, but he’s not.  Well- maybe a little, but he’s polite.  So.  It’s fine, I don’t have any warnings about Nanami, he’ll like you a lot” 

“Yeah?” A flattered smile spreads across her glossy lips.  It was silly to take pride in being liked by a stranger, but she knew how much Ino looked up to his mentor, and it made her heart flutter to think he believed the man he respected so much would approve of her.

“Absolutely,” Ino’s voice is rich with certainty as he nods at her.  “Shoko’s kind of a weirdo, that’s just cause she works in the morgue all day so her sense of humor is… warped.  Utahime is her not-very-secret girlfriend, I’ve told you about that right?” 

(y/n) nods in confirmation.  She may have never met these people, but she felt like she knew most of them well enough just from the late night gossip sessions they’d have after a shared bottle of wine.

“Any questions?” He asked, slowing their steps the closer they got to the table.  

It was just like Gojo to set his little crew of odd semi-forced friends up in the corner where they could have some privacy, even though they were the loudest bunch of the whole gathering.  At least he had the decency to rent the place out so the only people he was bothering were those he already bothered on a regular basis.

“No,” (y/n) said softly, before reaching out and curling her fingers around the sleeve of his shirt, bringing his attention back towards her.  “Just one request?” 

Ino gives her a small nod, halting in place as he stares at her with a grave seriousness in his eyes.

“Don’t ditch me here?” 

He almost laughs at the ask, but he stops himself when he notes the hints of anxiety hidden in her expression.  The twitch at the corner of her mouth, the slight pinch in her brow.  He clears his throat and nods at her, before grinning widely.

“Of course not!” He declares, squeezing her wrist gently before she drops her hold on his sleeve.  “What do you take me for? A gentleman would do no such thing” 

And as they finally approach the table of Ino’s closest colleagues, they’re both laughing, and some more tension is relieved from her shoulders.

Ino’s quick to introduce her, and he goes around the table to remind her of everyone’s names quickly, trying to get the awkward stage out of the way as quickly as possible.  Everyone behaves well enough, or as well as he could hope for.  Utahime’s a bit excitable as she compliments (y/n’s) dress and sparkling accessories, but it helps to break the ice as the two slip into conversation about their favorite boutiques.

Ino wants to point out that the Kyoto based sorcerer never was one for small talk with him, but he keeps his mouth shut solely because (y/n) warms up to her and Shoko quickly and he doesn’t want to throw a wrench in their bonding.

Gojo’s clearly in the middle of some wild and possibly partially made up retelling about a special grade curse he’d exorcized on a recent assignment, so after introductions he resumes his exaggerated storytelling, giving (y/n) and Ino time to order drinks and chat with Shoko and Utahime a little longer.

“You’re pretty brave for coming,” Shoko points out to (y/n), earning a slight glare from Ino, to which she backtracks and waves her hand dismissively.  “I just mean because this is the worst” 

“I don’t think so” (y/n) shrugs with a sweet smile as she sips her drink.

“You don’t know us that well yet, you’ll change your mind later,” Utahime chimes in.  “This,” She gestures towards Gojo, who’s talking wildly with his hands as he reaches the climax of his story.  “Is why I took off to Kyoto, first chance”

It earns a laugh from Shoko and Ino, so (y/n) forces a small chuckle as well, but so far she couldn’t complain about the company.  Sure, the white haired man wearing sunglasses inside in the evening seemed a bit theatrical and high energy, but it was a party setting, right? So she could give him the benefit of the doubt for now.

“Speaking of-” Shoko gets up from her seat, not so subtly tapping Utahime’s hand, “I need a smoke” 

“Oh, yeah, me too”

Utahime glances at (y/n) and Ino with a raised brow, silently offering them to join, but one look at Shoko’s wide eyes tells them to shake their heads and stay in place.  Even if they did smoke, they were clearly not wanted at this particular break.

Once they’re out of sight, (y/n) turns to Ino, obviously fighting a grin on her face, before she leans in close to talk a little more privately.

“Oh, it’s painfully obvious” 

He laughs back at her, nodding his head in agreement before tapping the rim of his glass against hers.

Their moment is broken up when long limbs stretch across the empty space that Utahime and Shoko had left, and apparently Gojo had wrapped up his story because now he’s slinking towards the two with a coy grin on his face.

“We haven’t been properly introduced, have we?” 

(y/n) fights the urge to stagger backwards as he comes close.  He has a wild sort of energy surrounding him.  He’s intimidating, but not in a way that makes her afraid, just very aware of how large and powerful he is.  She wonders if even a non-sorcerer like her can pick up on signatures of cursed energy, or if this was just his raw aura.

But the way he smiles is inviting and the bubbly giggles that erupt from him provide nothing but a feeling of friendliness, as if he was someone (y/n) had known for years.

“Almost a year” She answers, forcing a smile that she hopes doesn’t come across as awkward as it feels.

“Wow, a whole year!” He cheers, raising his glass at the accomplishment.  “That’s absolutely marvelous.  A whole year, huh?” He repeats it again thoughtfully, tilting his head just slightly.

Ino’s not sure if she’s noticed, but since Gojo approached them, he hadn’t once torn his eyes off of her.  Perhaps she couldn’t tell with the dark shades covering his line of sight, but Ino had gotten quite used to reading Gojo’s body language even with the blockage of a blindfold.  

He also wasn’t a complete dunce, he knew that the way she looked tonight made it difficult for anyone to take their eyes off of her.  Even Utahime had gotten that glazed over look after they talked for long enough.  No one was immune, it seemed, but Gojo was probably the only person in the room that sparked a nasty feeling in Ino’s chest with the way he smirked down at her.

The feeling is a dull heat, only ignited into something worse when Gojo pushes his sunglasses to the top of his head, bright blue eyes on full display, and now so obviously focused on (y/n).

“How does someone go a whole year living with a pretty thing like you and not make a move, hm?” 

Ino’s face twists up with shock and disgust, which humors Gojo as he begins to cackle, but he still doesn’t spare a glance away from (y/n), who barely reacts at all as she stands before them.  She simply tilts her glass around, slowly mixing the ice around her drink.  She doesn’t crack a laugh, but she also doesn’t give any sign that she’s upset with the unabashed flirting.

Neither of them are given the proper chance to respond to the bold comment, as suddenly Nanami’s approaching them, shooting Gojo a look that made the special grade sorcerer head off with some excuse about a fresh drink.

Thankfully, Nanami completely changes the subject of conversation, and Ino does his best to forget about what just happened as (y/n’s) properly introduced to his mentor.  They shake hands, exchange a few pleasantries, but are ultimately quick to jump into conversation about Ino himself- even with him still standing there.  

A lot of the stories they share are more embarrassing than he’d like, but he’s able to stand it for a little while.  For both of them, at least.  They were the most important people in his life after all, he’d been eager for them to finally meet.

But as soon as (y/n) gets Nanami to actually laugh about her first witnessing his cursed technique over an unwanted bug in the apartment, Ino finds himself using the same lame excuse of grabbing them a couple more drinks before he’s darting away from the downright humiliating memory.

(y/n) giggles and doesn’t even indulge Nanami in the story once Ino’s walked away.  She’d just wanted to make him sweat a little, and clearly his mentor had gotten a kick out of it as well.

“He clearly adores you,” Nanami says, cutting through the light hearted atmosphere with a statement so genuine that (y/n’s) features soften as she takes in his words.  “I’ll give him that.  He’s a good sorcerer, and person.  And clearly his judgment is well founded” 

It’s a… distinguished compliment, that’s for sure.  (y/n) finds herself blushing and she can’t even quite explain why.  Was it the compliment itself or the insinuation behind it? Ultimately she decides to play it off due to the slight buzz she was running on.

“I’m certainly lucky to have him,” She says, and just as she glances around the room to see where he’d gone, he’s already heading back towards her with two drinks in his hands.  “I owe a greater force big time for bringing me to him, don’t I?” She murmurs.

She doesn’t look back at Nanami when she speaks, her eyes too focused on the man headed in her direction.  The blonde sorcerer ducks his head and tries to cough over his chuckling.  It’s a pitiful attempt, but judging the glazed over look in her eyes as Ino comes near, he could probably count on her not having noticed his humored state.

“Thank you” She hums when Ino hands her the fresh glass, taking the empty one from her other hand and placing it on an empty table behind him.

“Did I take too long?” He asks, just quiet enough for her to hear.

There’s a look on her face he can’t quite read, but it’s so lovely he couldn’t even be bothered to try to decipher it as he smiles fondly back at her.

Nanami takes a subtle step backwards as he watches them mirror that lovesick look at one another.

“Not at all, I was just getting to know your mentor a little better,” She tells him, gesturing to Nanami, who had now turned and was walking away completely.  “He has very kind things to say about you” 

She tilts her head at him as her smile grows a little wider.  Ino raises a brow back at her, unable to help the small bit of laughter that escapes him as he holds her stare.

“That so?” He hums, growing amused as he realizes she’s just a little bit drunk.  “Are you having a good time?” He asks, and she knows he’s really asking if she’s feeling the alcohol a bit, but she nods back at him anyways, unbothered by the hidden question.

“I am, I’m glad you brought me” 

His smile softens.

“Me too” 

Utahime and Shoko return shortly after, and soon the four of them are seated at one end of the table sharing all sorts of stories, from work to drama to things they definitely didn’t need to share for being new acquaintances, (y/n) hit it off with the pair so well Ino didn’t want to do anything to reel her in.  He was just relieved to see her getting along with the people of that part of his life.

It also helped that throughout the night she seemed to draw closer and closer to him.  Whether they were walking up to the bar and she kept so close their arms brushed together, or when they sat down and she pulled her chair close to his so that when she was leaning into the table she was reaching across his lap and almost completely in his space.  Ino could almost pretend that she was his date for the night.  He’d weakly mustered up the courage to drape his arm over the back of her chair, but that was as much of a leap as he was willing to take.

Not long after though, she raised her empty glass in his direction, and her free hand reached over her shoulder where his hand dangled off her chair, so her fingers could wrap around his.

“Another?” She hums curiously, still swirling the glass in a small circle.

His hand unintentionally twitches when her soft skin brushes over it, and as if on instinct, she slots her fingers between his.

She’s touched him before, of course, it’s not like he’s never had skin-to-skin contact before.  When patching him up, or bumping into each other in the kitchen.  One thing was certain, though… they never held hands.

And she holds his hand now with that pretty smile on her face as she waits for him to answer her question- wait, shit, how long has it been since she asked him that question?

“Yeah, yeah, let’s get another round” He agrees, and carefully slides his chair back before standing, not wanting to bump into hers.

Even when she stands, she keeps her fingers curled between his.  Ino’s not sure if she’s even aware of it- should he pull his hand away? Or perhaps she was just a bit drunk and didn’t want to stumble in her heels- so keeping his hold on her would be the right thing to do, right? 

She gives Shoko and Utahime a cheeky little wave before following beside Ino towards the bar.  Their hands still clasped together between them.  He wonders if she knows that she’s making his heart race at an unhealthy pace.

But she must know, she must realize she’s still holding it, because once they approach the bar and wait for their drinks, she’s lazily swinging their conjoined hands back and forth as she strikes up a conversation with him.

“This is much cooler than any work event I’ve ever gone to,” She tells him.  “It’s always at a chain restaurant, and there’s a socially acceptable amount of drinks you can have” 

Ino chuckles at the slight pout on her face, and finds himself giving into the slight swing of their arms.  “This stuff barely ever happens,” He shrugs.  “Probably because most people can only take Gojo in concentrated amounts,” 

Her eyes are wide as she nods at him in understanding.  In the brief interaction she’d had with the special grade sorcerer, she already completely understood what he meant.

“But if this doesn’t end in disaster and there’s a chance for another one in eight to eighteen months, you’re invited” He teases.

She lights up like a christmas tree, as if he’s just promised her tickets to a sold out tour of her favorite artist, or a seat on the next shuttle to the moon.  Her lips curl into the most beautiful smile he’s ever seen, eyes glimmering with her excitement and honor, and if Ino wasn’t swooning as hard as he was, he might’ve chuckled at the drunken delight.

“Really?” She gushes, eyebrows raising with her hope.  “You will?” 

A breath of a laugh escapes him as he nods, and she rocks on her feet momentarily, too giddy to stand still.  He can’t help but reflect her grin back at her.

They’re handed their drinks, and finally (y/n) pulls her hand out of his.  He tries not to show his disappointment.  Before Ino can think of something clever to say, something that borders the line of teasing and flirting that he’s usually so good at tip-toeing over, someone else joins them at the bar.

Gojo Satoru on a regular day is a menace.  Although Ino didn’t always mind, not like his mentor did.  More often than not, he’d match the energy and get a good laugh in for the day.  But at a work-social event?  Gojo was insufferable.  Ino had already decided this the second he’d decided to hit on (y/n).

Was he irritated for the right reasons? No.  Was he actively trying to get over his feelings for his sweet, perfect, beautiful roommate? Maybe.  Did that mean shit? Absolutely not.

He’s decided that as soon as Gojo purrs out another flirty line- which he’s bound to do judging from the way he’s currently looking at her- that he’s going to take her hand again and drag her away without a word.  His heart starts to race in his chest from the anticipation, knowing that it’s soon to come once Gojo’s done chatting her up about how swell of time she’s having.

As powerful as he was, Gojo Satoru could be a bit predictable.

“You know, I could show you some pretty neat things at Jujutsu Tech if you ever wanted to learn more about sorcery,” He’s good at disguising his propositions as simple acts of kindness.  Ino’s jaw twitches as it tenses, his teeth clamping down together.  “I’m a really good teacher, you know” 

“Oh?” (y/n) scoffs, she’s faster to react than Ino, and for being at a giggly-level of intoxicated, she plays off her scoff as playful as she quirks an eyebrow up at him.  “You should probably save it for your students, then,” She says, and Ino fights the urge to snicker.  Not very well, though, it’s pretty obvious when he purses his lips and his eyes crinkle with humor.  “Besides, I’m taken” 

Ino does a full double take, the joy on his face falling and transforming into one of utter bewilderment.  If (y/n) notices the reaction, she chooses to ignore it, too busy staring down Gojo with a pointed smile that seemed sweet but screamed get lost instead.

Gojo doesn’t seem remotely offended by the bomb drop of a refusal.  In fact, he almost looks amused by it.  He grins from ear to ear as he nods back at her in understanding.

“Of course,” He murmurs, his gaze finally shifting towards Ino, only for a moment, before it’s focused on (y/n) again.  “I wasn’t trying to offend” He says, and it’s genuine.

(y/n) beams.

“You didn’t” 

With that, Gojo nods again, and then he disappears again.  Off to mess with someone else, they suppose.  Ino’s pretty sure Nanami was left unattended and he’s likely the next victim.  If the situation wasn’t so pressing, he’d probably rush off to save his mentor from the torment.  

Sorry, Nanami.

“Taken?” 

He turns to (y/n) with a look on his face that makes her brighten up.  That cute look of confusion mixed with curiosity, she just had to bask in the adorable way his brows would pinch then relax, then pinch and relax, as he struggled to keep his expression neutral.  She giggles, her smile turning toothy as she lets him baffle himself for a few seconds longer.

And then, in that soft, saccharine voice, she murmurs up at him.

“Well, I sort of am, aren’t I?” 

The night didn’t last much longer after that.  Once Shoko and Utahime were tapping out and slowly leaving the venue so as not to be bombarded by anyone- Gojo- (y/n) clung to Ino’s side a little more, and grew a bit quieter as it got later, her buzz turning into sleepiness.  

It wasn’t until Nanami made his departure that Ino decided to call it.  The only other people who were still in for the night were the managers who didn’t know when to quit.

(y/n’s) leaning back in her chair, working on drinking a second glass of water and hardly paying attention to the conversation happening around her.  She’d pulled her arms out of the sleeves of her wrap, but she let the material stay draped over her shoulders.  Ino was convinced that she might fall asleep right there in her seat.

In the last couple of minutes, he’s glanced over to find her staring at him five or six times.  Eventually he can’t hide the way his smile betrays him, and he mumbles a ‘what?’ under his breath at her.

She giggles back at him, airy and carefree, before she leans over to brush a lock of hair that curled around his ear.  A noticeable blush dusted over his cheeks as soon as her finger grazed his skin, even though the motion is just her drunken form of platonic affection, she leans so close that he can smell her perfume, and even once she’s tucked the piece of hair behind his ear, she lingers there for just a minute longer.  The lump in Ino’s throat is too large for him to talk through, so all he can do is hope his eyes aren’t ridiculously wide as he stares back at her, before she settles back in her seat again.

He thinks he might cancel his upcoming haircut appointment.  Even though it’s length was starting to get a bit annoying, he might try out the longer hairstyle for a while.  And if (y/n) continues to reach out to give it a little tuck behind his ear then that would simply be a minor bonus, wouldn’t it? 

It dawns on him after he spirals on the thought for a while that the night should be wrapped up soon.  It was time to get back home where he could chug some water and hopefully forget about how much he’d embarrassed himself tonight.

“Hey,” Ino murmurs, tapping the back of her hand gently to get her attention.  Her eyelids are heavy as she glances over at him, a small smile gracing her lips.  “You ready to go home?” 

(y/n) wakes up a bit more at that, nodding her head and tucking her arms through the sleeves of her wrap.

They slip out not long after that.  Ino keeps his arm around her waist, murmuring something about keeping her upright that he’s not even sure she hears before she’s leaning against him, slowly walking along the sidewalk on their way to the train station.  The walk and ride home is mostly silent, but it’s comfortable.  He wouldn’t ask for anything else, as long as she was tucked into his side like she belonged there, like he was made to hold her like this.

He’s not sure if the heaviness in his heart is because he’s so full of love, or if it’s because he knows deep down that this would be the closest to having her as his as he could get.  Nonetheless, he keeps his hold on her secure until they’re back in the safety of their apartment.

“Thanks for the fun night, Ino,” She murmurs after kicking her shoes off by the door.  “Let’s definitely do it again sometime, ‘kay?” 

He can only manage a small smile and a nod of agreement back at her.  

“I better get to bed, I’m going to pass out,” She lets out a tired little laugh, but before heading off, she steps closer to him, hand reaching out to give his shoulder a squeeze.  Again, he gives her a smile, about to bid her goodnight as he usually does, but before he can say anything, she’s leaning up and pressing her lips against his cheek.

She kissed him.

He blinks, and she’s already pulled away, still smiling before she’s headed off to bed with a quiet goodnight hanging between them.  

Needless to stay he stands at the door with his shoes still on for embarrassingly longer than necessary, his fingers ghosting over the spot on his face her lips had just blessed.

He was set back a few paces in his whole getting over her plan, tonight.  In fact, he might’ve been knocked all the way back to square one.

Oh well, there was always tomorrow to try again.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

“You should really make a move on that roommate of yours, you know” 

Nanami’s sudden advice has Ino swiveling his head away from lunch, nearly giving himself whiplash as he stares at his mentor in shock.  They hadn’t even talked about the event last friday, so far their talk today had been strictly work related.

(Except for when Ino saw a cat across the street while on a patrol and he insisted that Nanami named the stray before they went on their way.  That was less-than work related)

“What?” The word comes out in a mere squeak, disbelief evident in his twisted expression, but he’d heard Nanami perfectly clear.  The man nods again, chewing thoughtfully on his food before swallowing, and continuing on with his moment of advice.

Nanami didn’t often feel the need to give his pupil guidance outside of jujutsu sorcery.  Ino was quite capable of taking care of himself, for being a young man with an odd form of income, he’d always taken care of himself well.  

Now, however, the 7-3 sorcerer felt the need to involve himself with this one.  And he wasn’t afraid to tell his apprentice that he was being an idiot.

“She’s a quite lovely young woman,” Nanami continues, and Ino already feels himself begin to blush.  “It was a pleasure to meet her.  I can see why you like her so much” 

Ino gives a shaky nod, still suspicious of where this was all headed, and why Nanami was pushing him to make a move- or so he’d said.

“Yeah…” Ino agrees unsurely.  “(y/n’s)... great” 

Nanami hums as he nods his head, adjusting his glasses before sitting up straighter in his seat, giving Ino an unsettling amount of direct attention.

“She’s clearly infatuated with you,” The blonde sorcerer says bluntly.  “So what’s holding you back, hm?” 

Ino opens his mouth, but when an excuse doesn’t immediately come to mind, he shuts it again.  He gapes a few more times, and Nanami is patient as he waits to hear whatever terrible excuse he comes up with, but eventually it becomes clear that Ino’s been stunned into silence, so Nanami takes over again.

“You’re a capable young man, Takuma.  Whatever is holding you back, it’s time to let go of it.  I only had to talk to her for a few minutes to know that that young lady is in love with you” 

Ino’s still gaping like a fish, but as the words sink in, he snaps his mouth shut, and swallows the lump in his throat.

“What- uh- why are you telling me this?” He stammers out.  

Nanami sighs softly, a small smile gracing his lips.  It was heartwarming to see the shy young love blossoming before him.  At least, when it wasn’t obnoxiously ignored by Takuma.

“Because it’s obvious when you two look at each other.  Usually that means it’s time to fess up” 

“Wait wait wait,” Ino put his hands up, leaning over the table they shared as he wrapped his mind around the sudden advice.  “Are you giving me… romance advice right now?” 

“I wouldn’t call it that,” Nanami grumbles, fighting the urge to roll his eyes.  “But you’re ignoring it” 

“So you agree it’s romance advice-” 

“You love her, don’t you?” Nanami interrupts him then, brows raised pointedly as he waits for the confirmation.  It was a simple yes or no question, wasn’t it? 

When Ino shuts his mouth and swallows hard, Nanami accepts that as answer enough.

“Then don’t you think you should tell her?” 

“I…” Well, he couldn’t exactly argue with such sound advice, could he? And he certainly wasn’t about to argue with the mentor he respected beyond belief.  “I just don’t want to ruin a good thing” He admits quietly.

Now, even his ears feel like they’re on fire with the admission.

“And if you never say a thing and eventually she moves on to someone else? You wouldn’t regret your choice?” 

Ino frowns.  He should have known Nanami was only going to hit him with logic.

He finishes his lunch quietly, a silence settling between them as Nanami feels as though he’d said what he needed to say.  Ino was clearly thinking it over pretty hard- seeing as he was making his thinking face throughout the rest of their lunch break- and now all Nanami could do was hope his words would stick.

At the end of the day he wanted to see his pupil happy.  Takuma Ino was a good egg, and he deserved happiness.

It would also help if he didn’t have to sit through another event where they made heart eyes at each other for two and a half straight hours.  But mostly that first thing.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Ino’s nervous when he approaches the door of his apartment that evening.  It was a nice night, his final assignment didn’t go too late, and he made it home at the early early time of seven p.m.

When he does unlock the door and let himself inside, it’s not a surprise to be instantly greeted by (y/n), who grins at him from the kitchen.

“Ino!” Her smile stretches from ear to ear when he walks into the apartment.  She’s in the kitchen, wearing the silly but cute duckling themed apron she wore anytime she was in the kitchen, even if she was only using the toaster, she’d put that apron on.

So cute, he sighs as he leans back against the door, at a loss for words.  So domestic.  (y/n) looks puzzled by him staying at the door without coming in all the way, or saying hello.

With a concerned knot between her brows, she drops the utensil in her hand on the counter, and makes her way towards him.

“Ino?” She calls worriedly.  “You alright?” 

“Yeah- yeah, I’m fine, just tired, s’all” He stammers back, finally pulling the beanie off his head and dropping it on the small table they keep by the door, then kicking off his shoes.

(y/n) frowns.

“Long day?” She lets out a sigh, then wraps her arms around herself as she awaits whatever terrible thing he has to share.

Jujutsu sorcery wasn’t always about unique talents and powerful people, she’d learned quickly.  She’d seen Ino return home with a weight that only failing innocent people could place on his shoulders.  Tonight, she assumes that the lost, glazed over look on his face is due to something of the sort.

“It’s not like that,” He says as he watches her expression sadden.  Ino forces a quick smile as he shakes his head at her.  “Don’t worry about it” 

She doesn’t look at him any different, still frowning, still waiting for him to tell her what’s on his mind.

“I am worried,” She murmurs gently.  She doesn’t want to push him, but she needed him to know that she was there for him if he needed to get something off his chest.  “Did something happen-?” 

“No- no it’s really not…” He tries to explain to her that his anxiety tonight has nothing to do with work, but he doesn’t yet know how to tell her that it had everything to do with her.  He wasn’t sure how she’d take it.  Wasn’t sure if it would come out right.

Growing more concerned by the second, (y/n) takes a larger step closer, her hands reaching out for his out of instinct.  He flinches slightly when she first takes hold of them, but he lets her.  He lets her squeeze onto them and pull them close to her.

“If you need to talk about it-” 

Ino doesn’t like the way she looks at him like she could break just thinking he was in some sort of pain.  So before he can refine the words in his mind, he blurts out what had been plaguing him.  

“What did you mean the other night when you told Gojo you were taken?” 

It does the trick, because her expression morphs instantly.  She’s staring at him with wide, unblinking eyes, lips still parted around the rest of her question that she now drops completely.  It catches her so off guard that she’s dead silent for a few seconds.

“And then you said you sort of were- what does that mean?” Ino’s prepared with another question, and she worries he’ll keep piling them on before she could come up with the proper answers for them.

Her face feels warm, and a nervous smile spreads on her lips, followed by a small chuckle that dies in her throat.  It’s a cute sound, anxious, but cute nonetheless.  It makes the corner of Ino’s lips tilt upwards upon hearing it.  It was a natural reaction, smiling whenever she would laugh.  He couldn’t help it.  Seeing her happy, even in a state of nervous energy, set butterflies free in his stomach in a way he hadn’t felt since his childhood.

“I… I meant…” She’s stuttering, voice failing her the longer his honey brown eyes are staring into hers.  “You know what I meant” She finishes the thought quietly, barely under her breath.

He softens, and then melts before her.  His hands squeeze her with the smallest amount of force, barely there, but enough for her to feel it.

She’s blushing, her cheeks a rosy shade of pink that’s so lovely he almost can’t stand it.  He leans towards her, watching as her eyes grow a little rounder upon the close proximity.

“(y/n),” He murmurs, so soft she wouldn’t have caught it if the syllables of her name didn’t brush against her skin with his breaths.  “I need you to tell me, alright? Because-” He pauses, his eyes flickering between hers for a moment, and she swears they dart down to her lips before raising to her eyes again.  “- because I need to know I’m not seeing things and- and making them up before I do something stupid that I can’t take ba-” 

“How stupid?” She cuts him off, pressing closer, as if it could get her an answer faster.  It might work, because she barely finishes the question before he’s replying.

“Very stupid” He breathes through the words, like it pained him to even say them.

The faintest of laughs fall from her lips, before she tilts her head and gazes up at him fondly.

“Who knew you thought twice about stupid things before you did them?” She teased.  It’s so soft, so sweet, that he cracks a smile.  It washes away all of his nerves, and his stupid idea doesn’t seem so stupid anymore.

Tugging on her hands, he pulls her closer to him, until she’s practically tripping into his chest, but he doesn’t care when they collide unceremoniously.  He’s already letting go of her hands so that she can brace them against his shoulders, steadying herself, and just in time before he’s cupping her face in his hands and slamming his lips against hers.

As sudden as the kiss is, (y/n) meets him with the fervor of a long awaited passion.  Her hands squeeze his shoulders, latching probably too tight but if it hurts he shows no sign of pain.

His lips are so soft, despite being chapped and his kisses being rushed, they were so gentle against hers that she could feel her knees wobbling.  He’d probably tease her for it later, but right now she couldn’t care.

He kisses her like they only have a limited amount of time.  As if they’re not at the entryway to their shared apartment.  His hands slide from her cheeks to the sides of her head, into her hair, holding onto her with a firm grip- as if she’ll slip away from him at any moment.

But the truth was, this was heaven.  She could stand here and kiss him and be kissed by him for hours.  Days, even.

He only pulls away from her when his body has him gasping for air, chest heaving, lips hanging open as he pants, she has to giggle just a little bit at his desperation.  Even if she matched it as well.

Their noses are still pressed together, and their hands remained latched onto one another as they both caught their breath.  Ino shares her laughter once the haze over his mind clears up and the reality of what they just did sinks in.

“So,” He mumbles, heavy eyes finding hers, making her fight the urge to steal another kiss.  “Stupid?” 

With a smile she tries to bite back, she shakes her head at him.

“No,” She murmurs back.  “Not stupid” 

Dinner is forgotten on the counter, going cold the longer it remains that way.  

Ino beats her to another kiss.  It feels like ages as they stand at the door embracing one another, kissing in between fits of giggles and sweet confessions, and kissing just to kiss.

He understood exactly what she meant when she’d said she was taken.  Because, well, he sort of was too.  Long before now.  His heart was stolen the day she responded to his ad, and with it their fates sealed.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

[ it’s better than i ever even knew // they say that the world was built for two // only worth living if somebody is loving you // and baby now you do. ]

[sublimecatgalaxy]

Escapism

Pairing: Joel Miller x Reader (pre-apocalypse)

Warnings: Smut, 18+, this is truly sinful and unholy but he's probably my favorite dilf as of recent so. Deal with it. There's also a wholesome part to this.

Word Count: 4.5k WHAAAAAAT

Summary: This is from a request from an anon, "Joel Miller smut? Pre-apocalypse literally ANYTHING? Maybe where Sarah has been trying to get them together forever and one night something just snaps?"

Joel was never the most preceptive man.

He could see a fly from a mile away and hit it dead with anything near him but the man could not for the life of him understand the concept of flirting.

Weeks on ends, months even, of flirting with him every time he'd come into my store with Sarah, buying groceries too many times a week for a normal two person, sometimes three person, household. Sarah liked to joke that he only bought a small amount of groceries at a time because he wanted to have a reason to come back and talk to me.

I couldn't believe it at first.

He's nearly a decade older than me, there should be something creepy about it, about him, but there's something about him that draws me in, makes me completely and utterly floored every time he walks into the grocery store with his stupid flannels and stupid polite smile.

Until it became a habit.

He walks into the local store like he knows that I'm waiting for him to show up, to tell me I look pretty, compliment my braids, or ask me about my day. Most of the days it's all three. And though he was good at complimenting, sort of good at smooth talking, he was the worst at realizing when I'm giving him the same attention.

Sometimes I'd unbutton my shirt a few buttons, inviting his gaze to flicker south, though it rarely ever did. Fucking gentleman. Other times I'd conveniently run out of receipt paper and I'd have to bend down carefully, giving him a perfect opportunity to look at my ass, though there was never a chance my coworker was able to catch him in the act.

He's just so polite, never cursing in front of me, never looking away from my eyes, never offending me in any way, shape, or form. It almost makes me feel dirty for the way that I feel about him.

I don't know when it started, when the blushing and bashfulness turned into pure arousal, never being able to look into his eyes for too long without my knees buckling. There's just so much to him, a depth that I want to dive into.

And, I'd like it to be crystal clear, it was Sarah's idea for him and I to have a sort of date.

She pushed him into telling me that he was free nearly every Friday's, that he would be 'doing absolutely nothing' and she complained about how 'bored he typically is without something to do'.

Instead, she slipped up and instead of saying something, she said 'someone'.

Smart ass girl.

It was the push I needed though, to finally tell him that I don't work Friday's and would love to get to know him. Sarah was bubbling with joy at the thought of her dad and I hanging out and I thought it was adorable.

When I got a call from Joel this morning, just calling to tell me that he was excited for tonight and to let me jot down his address (though I already knew it from the membership I talked him into at the grocery store), I was freaked.

Immediately, panic set in, panic that I've never felt before. I've been on dates before, plenty, but there was something about the thought of being in his home, where him and his daughter live, alone with him, with wine. It freaked me out enough that it made me sit in my bathroom an hour before I was supposed to leave, contemplating if I should call him to cancel.

It's safe to say I didn't, I pulled myself from my bathroom floor and to his house, sitting in my car for too long before Sarah knocked on my window with a giggle, asking if I needed help finding the front door.

I didn't know what to do- I felt like a child, standing in the front hall of their home, swaying back and forth, waiting for someone to tell me what to do. For fucks sake, it took me nearly five minutes for me to actually take my shoes off.

"You two have fun! I'll be down the street at Mackenzie's!" Sarah calls out and I can practically hear the dramatic excitement in her voice, only exasperated by the fact that Joel's cheeks are red as can be as he looks out the window, raising a hand to his jaw to conceal his smile.

"Bye kiddo, feel free to not come back tonight." Joel calls out, deep bellowing voice causes my stomach to flip eagerly but it's his words that stop me in my tracts, brows pulling together in confusion.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I ask, hearing the door shut, Joel and I now completely and utterly alone for the night. "What do you got in store?" I lean towards him, watching the way his eyes drag down the slightest bit, watching the way that my breasts swell against my top that I wore purposely to get his reaction. Fucking finally.

"That's not what I meant." He shakes his head firmly, head tilting cutely at me in an attempt to chastise me and my dirty thoughts but I just grin wickedly, loving the way that I have him stumbling over his thoughts and words.

"Mhm." I nod, tossing him a wink as I lean back into his couch, tugging my knees up to my chest in an attempt to get comfortable but all I can feel is the steady throbbing between my legs. "You should've gone with it. I'm up for whatever you've got in store." I take another sip of wine, giving myself an out when he asks why my cheeks are so red and heated.

"Gotta stop talking like that." He mumbles, adjusting himself in his seat so his knees are parted, his body reclining into the couch with ease in an attempt to get comfortable but all I can focus on is how inviting his thighs look, spread apart like that.

A perfect throne for a queen.

"Why?" His brows lift at my question, almost as if he's asking if he really needs to answer it and he doesn't, I know why he wants me to stop talking that way and it's the exact reason while I'll continue regardless. "Does it intimidate you?"

"You've had some wine, you're probably just-"

"Drunk?" I swish my wine glass back and forth, the red liquid sloshing around as his eyes flicker back and forth from the drink to my eyes that are glued on him. "I've had a half of a glass." I deadpan and he scoffs awkwardly, reaching up to rub at the back of his neck. "Relax, I"m not coming onto you or anything."

"No? Seems like it." He laughs, loosening up a bit as his arm stretches along the back of the couch, leaving a perfect amount of room for me to slip into the crook of his body and I fight the urge to but fail miserably.

I crawl over to his side of the couch, sitting directly beside him, his arm still staying stretched out behind me, fingers brushing against the back of my neck. He shifts so he can turn the slightest bit towards me, tongue sweeping out across his lips.

"Would you like it if I was?" His face pales, lips parting in silent shock and I giggle, taking another sip for the sake of confidence, my body warming at the drink and my proximity to the man I've pined after for so long.

"Why do you think Sarah's so keen on gettin' us together?" He asks genuinely, his once pointed gaze softening a bit and I feel myself getting more and more comfortable in his presence as the night goes on.

With us getting closer and closer, I feel the oxygen in my lungs begging to escape me, only leaving my lips in gasps as my lips chase his hungrily but there's a part of me that doesn't know if he'd reciprocate it. He's so chivalrous, I wouldn't put him past denying myself and himself a moment to just give in.

"Because she likes me and she wants you to be happy."

"And what do you want?" Joel's eyes leave mine briefly, flickering down to my lips and I feel all of my confidence wash away, the things I had planned in my head, the wishes that I wanted to come true, the things that I desperately needed to tell him- they're all gone. No thoughts can run through my head when he's shyly glancing at my lips, almost as if he wants to lean forward and taste them.

"To be taken care of." The honest answer leaves my lips before I can stop the words and my eyes widen briefly out of fear that he'll run for the hills or blame it on the wine but he doesn't, he just waits patiently for me to explain. It'll take a minute or two in the state that I'm in. "Never been taking care of before, especially by a man."

"That's a shame." He scoffs, setting his glass of wine down, implying something greater than him being done with his drink, especially with the way that his hand comes down to rest inches away from my bare knee.

"All this talent- gone to waste."

"It's just sad to hear a beautiful girl like you doesn't have more men falling over her." His eyes don't meet mine but his words meet my ears and force a shiver down my spine, my body shivering as his hand reaches up to tuck a piece of hair behind my ear, shamelessly and unwavering.

"I don't have a lot of time to notice many men, I guess." My voice quivers more than I wished it would've but I choose to ignore it, my confidence suddenly rising at the realization that this is Joel being handsy; subtle touches along the back of my neck, touching my cheek, fingers brushing against my knee and leaving room for me to fit perfectly in his side.

We've bridged the gap of my checkout counter and scanning belt, now only inches away from each other instead of feet. He's just how I imagined he'd feel as I lift my hand to rest on his chest, briefly brushing over the neckline of his simple t-shirt.

"You noticed me." He mutters bashfully, cheeks heating up once more and his blush crawls down the expanse of his throat and beneath the collar of his shirt.

"Your daughter kind of forced you into my point of view."

"I'm sorry about her." He laughs, looking down at his lap again, nervously toying with his fingers. I reach out to him, setting my small hand atop his, stopping his fidgeting in its tracks and causing his eyes to lift to mine.

"I'm not." I grin, giving his hand a simple squeeze before setting my wine down beside his, opening up my hands and arms for him just in case he wants the opportunity to sink into me.

"You're good at this. I'm a little rusty." He admits bashfully with a soft smile, eyes flickering out the window once more to distract himself, sun setting in the sky as the TV plays quietly in the background.

"That's okay." I whisper, fingers hesitantly reaching out to brush across his jaw and I worry briefly that he'll push me away, tell me that he's not a touchy person, but instead his eyes flutter shut and he leans into my tongue, almost desperately. "I'm not asking for much."

"I know you're not and that's what's fucking scary." He laughs, chest rumbling and I smile, giving him a simple shrug. My simplicity is what I always assumed would bring Joel and I close to each other, neither of us having much time for games especially in the world of dating. "It's easy- being with you, I mean."

"Really? Cuz you're really hard to be with." I tease, watching his eyes widen in brief fear but I put an end to it almost immediately. "I feel like my heart's going to burst out of my chest."

"You're joking?" He asks sincerely, brows tugging together and I laugh.

"I'm not. The amount of times Sarah's muttered 'be cool' to me before you've rolled your cart up to the check out line is too many times to count on two hands." He looks beyond surprised, lips fanning out into a cocky smirk, confidence brightening up his once nervous expression.

"I never knew I had that effect on you."

"Then I've done a good job at not looking like an idiot."

"I'm the idiot." He laughs, leaning into me briefly, hand sneaking around my shoulder so his fingers can draw simple circles on my bicep. "Should've asked you out without the help of my teenage daughter."

"She planned this, didn't she?" I ask with a tilt of my head but I already know the answer, knowing that Sarah has wanted us together for the longest time, making sly comments throughout the months about how much she loves to see her dad so happy. "Us coming together, being alone?"

"Not the smartest idea, huh?" He adjusts in his seat and I eye his thighs carefully but not carefully enough cuz his fingers tap my arm in an attempt to get my attention and I laugh bashfully before addressing his comment.

"Why?"

"I don't trust myself around you." He admits with a heavy sigh.

"Good." I smirk, hands reaching out to massage his shoulder, electricity sparking under my touch and I feel him visibly tense beside me, eyes watching my fingers out of the corner of his eyes. "You need to loosen up a bit."

"Now you're coming onto me." I giggle, leaning into him, tucking my face into the crook of his neck, finally giving into him and he does the same, pulling me into him by the shoulder, arm tightening around me almost as if he's trying to keep me tucked into him.

"Sure am." His large hand soothes over my thighs that are curled up on his own and it makes me freeze, head tilting up so I can look up at him through my lashes, catching the way his eyes flicker down to my lips.

Before I can process it, his lips are on mine, softly and unbelievably timid, his hand gently cupping my jaw while his thumb tucks beneath my chin so he can kiss me better, my whole body frozen in his touch.

He's a good kisser, a better kisser than I would've anticipated, especially with how single he's been for so long. I always thought that it would be me- the experienced one, the confident one- but with his lips on mine I feel completely and utterly at his mercy.

This isn't fair.

Taking a leap of faith, I swing a leg over his thighs, finally sitting where I've wanted to all night, sinking down onto his thighs with a moan, not once slipping from his hungry lips. His hands grip my waist, dragging me against him and a surprised gasp leaves me, lips finally parting from his as I gasp in a few breaths, wide eyes looking back at me.

"Hi." I whisper breathlessly, loving the huge smile that spreads across his lips at my fragile tone and I can feel my body trembling against his, all of my nerves from the last few months coming out all at once.

"You good?"

"I just-" I start but air forces it's way into my lungs in an exasperated gasp. "I've been thinking about this, dreaming about this, for months." His eyes are so incredibly soft as he looks- gazes- adoringly up at me, hands encompassing my hot cheeks in his hands, forcing me to look at him clearer.

"I should've kissed you months ago." I grin obnoxiously into the next kiss he gives me, squealing when he lifts me further into his arms, standing up with almost no hesitation, arms looped around my shaking thighs.

"Where are we going?" I ask with a breathless giggle, holding onto him tight as my fingers card through his hair.

"Depends where you wanna do this?" Fuck. I tuck my face in the crook of his neck, almost needing to hide from him with the way that he's speaking to me, my stomach twisting and legs desperately clenching around his waist.

"Fuck." I whisper, feeling his chest rumble against mine. "I wanna be comfortable."

"Bed it is, then."

By the time we make it to be the bedroom, his hands are pushing the top of my dress down over my shoulders, hungry lips finding purchase on the junction of my neck, biting and sucking a bright red mark into my heated skin.

I can barely keep up with him like this, the way he's already pushing my clothes off, chasing my lips, hands exploring everywhere they can- it's almost overwhelming but I'd never want him to stop.

I fumble with his t-shirt, tugging it over his head with an excited giggle, immediately finding his lips once more after tossing his t-shirt to the ground. I'm pushing him back on the bed before he can take control again, deciding to find my confidence once more as I straddle his hips.

"Is this how we're doing this?" Joel asks, arms tossed over his head and I just take a second to think about how handsome he is, sweaty hair matted to his forehead, eyes completely soft but his pupils are taking up nearly all of his beautiful brown eyes, simply from arousal.

"That okay with you?" I ask, dragging my nails down his chest, seeing soft pink marks in their wake and his eyes widen, lip tucking between his teeth as he watches me grind myself against him, the roughness of his jeans satisfying the need for friction.

"Do you see me arguing?" He asks, brows furrowing in faux confusion and I grin wickedly, fingers toying with the waistband of the denim, watching the anticipatory look pass through Joel's expression.

"Good." I pop the button with ease, the sound of the zipper undoing acting like magic to my ears. "Because I've been thinking about this for months." He helps me kick his jeans off and onto the floor and my mouth waters, seeing the print of his cock beneath his boxers.

"You are gorgeous." The compliment makes me impossibly wetter than I was before, my lips parting in breathy gasps as tug his boxers off, his cock springing up and into my hand.

I grin, taking his breath away as I give him a few strokes for good measure, before lifting onto my knees, not even bothering to take my panties off. I pull them aside, biting my lip to conceal the plethora of curses that want to fly out of me as I drag his cock against my clit, bumping the sensitive bundle of nerves with every stripe I make.

"Fuck, woman, you're killing me." He groans, back arching off the bed as his hands find my thighs, giving them a firm squeeze, urging me to sink down on him and I do, slowly, giving myself time to adjust.

My jaw drops in a silent groan, nothing but a gasped breath leaving me and I firmly plant my hands on his chest, giving myself a moment to think about nothing but the stretch that his cock is giving me.

"Fuck Joel." I whisper, lifting my hips gently as Joel takes control, meeting my thrusts to lift his hip up and against me and he feels deeper and deeper every time our hips meet. His thumb slips down, brushing skillfully across my clit and I fold, my body collapsing on top of his, face tucking into the crook of his neck.

"You wanna keep going?" He asks breathlessly, pressing kisses to my cheek and my hairline, reassuring me and comforting me throughout the way and it makes my heart swell with something greater than care.

"Please just fuck me hard, I need to cum." He flips me on my back in a second, hitting the deepest parts of me as he hikes one of my legs over his hip, biceps tensing as he holds himself up, pounding into me at an unrelenting pace. "Then we can worry about soft."

He takes my words seriously, leaning up so he can look down at me, spine straightening and his hips work like a piston, chest rising and falling in frantic breaths as his head tips back in pleasure, a loud groan leaving him.

We're chasing our highs like we've chased after each other the last few months, all of the pining and shy smiles coming down to this one moment of trust and closeness. It almost makes me emotional to think of how madly in love with him I've been just from afar, that I'm here right now, in his bed with a giddy smile on my lips.

Most people say its impractical that couples can finish at the same time but when I finally topple over the edge, Joel's arms wrapped firmly around my trembling body, it pulls him along with me, cumming with a loud groan.

"Fuck." We whisper at the same time, tipsy, tired giggles leaving us as our hearts pound, coming down from our highs slowly but surely. He rubs my hips soothingly and I begin to feel the familiar ache of my joints after being carried and tossed around, our giggles dying down into small laughs and slowly even that turn into kisses.

"Wanna go to dinner next weekend?" Joels asks, rolling off of me and onto his back and an 'oof', looking to me with a bright grin, his cheeks dusted in a gentle pink.

"Wanna go to dinner now?" I offer, clutching his bedsheets to my chest as I roll onto my stomach, pecking his bicep gently as I curl into his side for the second time tonight.

"Breakfast for dinner?" His eyes widen excitedly at his own offer and I nod, feeling completely and utterly safe and sound in his bed right now. There's no judgment, no worries on my end, just happy to be here after all of this time of wishing I could be with him.

"I adore you."

[aemmawrites]

She who writes. Pre-crash Nat Scatorccio

Nat Scatorccio x fem/gn reader

cw-friends to lovers

Wc- 750

Part two

Journal entry: Wednesday, April 3rd, 1996

How would you describe love or to be in love? The basic answer with a quick search on the internet may tell you "an intense feeling of deep affection". When you ask someone who is in love what it's like, they will grant you with such information of all the beautiful and positive details of their love, but never the negative aspects of it or how it takes a drastic effect on your life. It seems so positive who wouldn't want to be in love.

Even if it's being in love with a girl who has been there for you since you were kids, and is your bestfriend. The girl who taught you how to get the smell of cigarettes off of you before you got home after a party. The girl who once broke into vour house in the middle of the night because she couldn't sleep, the very same girl who forced you to join the soccer team freshman year because and I quote "the girls on the soccer team are probably hot and I need a wing woman". The girl who is your best friend, and who will only ever love and see you as a best friend.

So now you are stuck writing about her in this journal that ironically, she gave you, and longing for something and someone you know will never have.

"What are you writing?" Nat says while placing her lunch tray down, smiling down at you when she realized you were still using the journal she bought you. "Uhh, a grocery list" you coughed out, and she gave you a look clearly stating I don't believe you. She looks over your shoulder to read what you're writing and with speed you quickly slam your book shut. "I just saw the word love on your grocery list, so unless you're buying a boyfriend that isn't a grocery list" she chuckled as she observed you trying to think of a response.

Just as you opened your mouth to speak, a voice interrupted you.

"Hey guys!!" you let out a long breath and your shoulders slumped, now that the attention was no longer on you but on misty. "Whatcha talking about?"

"How perfect your timing is" you beamed, grateful for the girl's interruption. Misty quickly sat next to Nat rambling on and on, taking all of Nat's attention off of you and onto her, allowing you to admire the blond sitting next to you without getting caught. you admired how she tried to keep up with what Misty was saying, and the way she was fiddling with her rings, and how she seemed to be overwhelmed with all of the information Misty was telling her. She looked over at you holding eye contact a little before you turned back to your journal to try and hide the red tint rising on your face. Just as you focused back on the words you previously wrote in your journal, Nat touched vour shoulder.

"Your house tonight?" you nodded before responding with "only if I get to pick the movie" giving her a sly smirk. "You always pick the same movie though, that's not fair" she pouts as if to gain sympathy from you. 'It's not my fault The Craft is such a good movie, maybe you just have bad movie taste you ever think of that" she scoffed, resting her hand on her chest and pouted mockingly pretending to be offended. "Your heart is on the left side by the way" you smirked as she moved her hand to cover her heart. “I know that I was just seeing if you knew where your heart was."

"Oh really?" she nodded trying not to smile before continuing "yep, l'Il have you know I passed health with 78, that’s a C plus."

"Wow Nat, a whole C plus good job.” You joked, as soon as you finished your sentence the bell rang, letting you, Nat, and Misty know it was time for the last two classes of the day. "I'll see you at 8 for movie night, don't be late" you said, moving to get to class on time.

"I wouldn't dream of it."

🎧|glue song by beabadoobee

[emberfrostlovesloki]

Love is a Maze [Hotch x Reader]

Prompt: The character gets lost in a corn maze… meant for children. They begrudgingly ask a total stranger for help; aka the reader gets stuck in a corn maze and has to ask a total stranger (Aaron) to help her get out. 

Category: Fluff/Comfort 

Word Count: 3.7K

Content Warning: Mentions of drinking and alcohol. If you are not 21 this is a reminder that I do not condone underage drinking (in the U.S. I am 26 fyi). Please use sound judgment when drinking and never drink and drive. Nothing is worth you or someone else getting hurt. Language (fuck and damn). These are minor things that some might find triggering as well: Mentioning the legal system and online childhood safety. 

A/N: This is another @imagining-in-the-margins prompt for her Meet Cute September/October writing Challenge! I have been loving these prompts. I have three more fics planned. Thank you for all the engagement, it means a lot to me. I think this fic is great to have with a cup of tea or a glass of cider. I had to change my paragraph formatting because Tumblr was being weird. Sorry if there seems to be some odd paragraph spacing in this one. I hope you enjoy it, and if you do, likes and reblogs are appreciated. 

P.S. The reader uses she/her pronouns. 

List with all stories 

y/n = your name 

_l/g/s_ = local grocery store 

_p/g = parent or guardian 

_y/a_= your age 

_y/l/n_ = your last name 

_t/o/l_ type of law 

_y/b/f_ = your best friend 

_f/s/f/d_ = favorite spiked fall drink 

_e/c_ = eye color (i.e. green eyes, brown eyes, hazel eyes etc.) 

y/n looked at the three-way intersection. There was a thirty-three point three percent chance that one of the dusty paths would lead her to the exit in the corn maze, but at this point, she had tried all three of them at least twice and she was starting to give up. She knew about dyslexia and dysgraphia, and she was wondering if dys-mapia was a thing? She put her head in her hands for a moment. All of her life she had been told that she was ‘directionally challenged,’ and those people had been proved right again, and again, and again.

Her first memory in fact was one of her getting lost. It had happened when she was in _l/g/s_ with her _p/g_. She had been five and her _p/g_ had told her multiple times that if she ever got lost to ask an employee for help. As many times as she had been told this, when it happened in real life she had frozen. She really believed that she would never find her mom again. A kind stranger had found her in the produce aisle crying her eyes out. The elderly woman took her to the front of the store and her very concerned _p/g_ rushed forward and gave her a big hug. _y/n_’s _p/g_ had bought her an ice cream cone after they had finished shopping. Unfortunately for _y/n_, this had only been the first of many times she would get lost. Only last month one of her friends at law school had joked at the intern networking social that “y/n would get lost on a one-way street in a small town.” Everyone had laughed, and it would be funny if it wasn’t true. And this was why her being stuck, trying to make her way out of a corn maze was so fucking frustrating. She knew she had been at this intersection before because it was only one of two three-way intersections she had come across so far, and the clue at the start of the estuary was the one she had read six times now. She looked at the map in her hands and tried to parse the right path out of the maze but became frustrated almost immediately, crumpling the paper tightly in her hands. The at the entrance of the maze had said that it should take about half an hour to complete, and she had now spent double that in the dusty maze. More insulting than this was the fact that the age disclaimer at the start of the maze read: This maze is appropriate for all ages, however children under 12 should be accompanied by a parent or guardian. Essentially this meant that the maze could be completed by someone over 13, by themselves, and here she was _y/a_, unable to escape. 

y/n realized now that playing Truth or Drink, essentially Truth or Dare, except every dare meant drowning a shot was a mistake before trying to do a corn maze had been a mistake on her part given how bad she was with direction. She thought about her poor choices while waiting to find someone nice to ask to follow out of the maze. There was no avoiding it at this point. She needed help, and she knew it. As it turned out she did still value her dignity, so she had to wait awhile to find someone that seemed nice and normal. The first group that she didn’t ask was a group of three teenage boys. There was simply no way that she was going to ask them. They were laughing and looking at their phones and she let them pass undisturbed. The next people who didn’t pass her dignity test were two moms with strollers holding sleeping toddlers inside. y/n could only imagine the passive judgment of the middle-aged women in Lulu Lemon yoga pants and Gucci handbags would pass on to her. Her rather haggard appearance and evidence of imbibing before five o’clock were sure the elicit a few “tut-tut’s” from the moms and whispered words of disapproval just loud enough for her to hear. The last group she let go was a couple. She found it bad enough third wheeling with all her friends in relationships, doing that with total strangers didn’t bear thinking about.

y/n was wondering if an employee might come around every now and then to see if people or children more likely had gotten lost. Her thought process was interrupted when she heard someone coming close to where she was standing. It sounded. It was the voice of a man. As she listened she realized that his voice was actually quite nice sounding. There was a second voice, clearly from a child. From what y/n was hearing, this sounded like the best option she’s got, and she crossed her fingers hoping that the man that rounded the corner looked and seemed safe and normal. She had spent way too many mediocre Tinder and Bumble dates with guys her age asking her overly personal questions, and oddly why she hadn’t watched the live-action One Piece yet. This always stumped her. She had seen Attack on Titan back in the day -- didn’t that count for anything anymore? It’s not like she asked them if they had seen the 2005 Kiera Knightly Pride and Prejudice or the 1996 Collin Firth adaptation. Again she was pulled from her thoughts when the man rounded the corner with a little boy trailing closely behind him. She attempted to look at him without gawking. This was harder to do than she had expected because not only did the man have a nice voice, he was attractive as well. He was tall and wore blue jeans and a navy Patagonia jacket. His brown hair was cut short and neat with just a tinge of grey at his temples. y/n turned away from him and gently tapped her head, thinking, ‘You idiot. You’re not here to flirt, you’re here to get out of this damn corn maze. She turned back again to be able to see the man. He had picked up the boy she assumed was his son and they were both looking at the clue near the three-way path. The man was reading the clue aloud saying, “All right buddy, here’s what it says: Paths for three but only one for me. One of these paths leads to a dead end, one takes you to the center again, the last is the hardest as you will see, it had a tree of a sort, and when you see that you are nearly free.” The man looked down at the boy and asked, “What do you think Jack? Which of the paths would you like to try first?” y/n wanted to say, “Well the path on the right is the dead end,” but she held her tongue, knowing that if she said anything it would ruin the fun for the boy. After a second the little boy pointed to the middle path and the man let him down saying, “Alright middle it is.” 

It was clear the pair was about to venture forward into the maze and y/n finally gave up her pride and said, “Hey. um, sorry, could you wait a minute please?” The little boy was moving forward, but with a deft move he was able to get the boy’s hand in his and said, “Wait just a minute, son.” The boy stopped and the man turned to look at whoever had mentioned him. Now that the man was actually looking at her, she felt the flush of embarrassment course through her. y/n cleared her throat once and said, “Sorry, this is so embarrassing, but I’ve been stuck in this maze for about an hour and I’ve tried to get out. I’m just not cut out for this. Could I possibly follow you out? I’m y/n _y/l/n_, by the way?” y/n thought she might burst into flames for a few moments of silence as the man glanced at her. There was a ghost of a smile at the corners of his mouth as he said, “Yes, of course you can.” He extended his hand adding, “Aaron, Hotchner.” y/n took his hand and shook it, saying, “Thank you so much. Sorry, I’m just… just bad at these things.”  His grip was firm, but not uncomfortable. As they dropped the handshake, Aaron turned back to his son and said, “Alright Jack, let’s go. We’re going to help someone out of here, so we have to think really hard about what paths we choose!” Jack beamed and turned to look at y/n. She gave him a small wave and a smile. 

The trio moved forward along the center path, and much to y/n’s relief even Aaron, Jack, and she had to double back once to find the right path. The weather was nice and now that _y/n_ wasn’t as stressed out about being lost, it felt nice to be having a break from her busy life. There was a comfortable silence for a few minutes, but as they continued moving the silence became a bit awkward and Aaron turned his gaze toward the woman next to him, asking, “So, are you local?” y/n nodded no, replying, “No, I’m visiting some friends for the weekend. I’m living in New York.” Hotch nodded trying to keep the conversation going by saying, “What’s in New York, work, family…?” The team had been in New York last month for a string of brutal murders. He wondered if she was aware of them. y/n’s eyes flicked to him and she replied, “Columbia Law. This is the first chance I’ve had to take a break all semester, so I thought I should take it.” Hotch looked at her more closely once she brought up Law School. Having gone through it himself many years ago, he knew it wasn’t for the faint of heart. y/n then asked, “And you? Do you live around here?” Aaron replied to her question saying, “I’m local. My son looks forward to this every year. It’s kind of a tradition I suppose.” This was the first year without Hailey coming along. The divorce had changed a lot of things, and this was one of them. Hotch looked forward to Jack, who was a few feet in front of him and _y/n_. After a moment, Aaron added, “I went to Law School a long time ago. What year are you in? Have you decided on a specialty yet?” y/n’s lit up at the questions. She was excited to have something in common with Aaron. She wasn’t great at starting conversations, but now that they had a touchpoint she could easily be an equal speaking partner.

She replied, “I’m in 2L trying to decide between _t/o/l_ and _t/o/l_. Where did you study and are you still in practice?” The conversation stopped for a moment and _y/n_ stepped back and Aaron and Jack looked over the next clue together. Once Jack had made his choice they continued onward. She and Aaron fell into step again and he said, “I went to George Washington University. I was a criminal prosecutor, but I don’t practice anymore.” y/n nodded and asked, “What made you stop practicing?” Aaron let out a sigh at the question and crossed his arms as he considered how to phrase his response. For a moment y/n she had hit a sensitive subject and said, “I’m sorry, you don’t have to answer that.” Aaron chuckled but said, “No, it’s a valid question. Listen, please don’t take this as a bad omen for your career, it’s just in criminal prosecution I saw so many bad cases. People committed heinous acts against humanity and half of the time it would be a hung jury, or the system allowed bad people to walk free and innocent people to be put away for crimes that they didn’t commit. Eventually, I had to step away for my own health.” That wasn’t exactly what y/n had been imagining his answer would be, but she could see the weight of such a flawed and crushing system deteriorating the morale and faith in the people who work in it. That feeling hadn’t hit her yet, but she wondered now if it would.

She pushed her personal feelings aside for a second and took a better look at the man. Yes, he had a few years on her, but there was something in her that wanted to know more about him. Was he happy? Did he have other profound things to say about the legal system, on life? Instead of asking those questions she simply inquired, “Are you working somewhere else, or are you retired?” He looked young to be retired, y/n thought, but it was still an option. That small smile returned to Hotch’s face as he said, “I work for the F.B.I now as a profiler.” y/n nodded taking in the information before asking, “Is the stuff you see in the F.B.I. better than what you saw in prosecution?” Hotch looked to the ground and said, “Often it’s worse.” He looked over to y/n taking in her optimistic face before saying, “But that’s life you know. We have to do the best we can with where we’re at. That can be the courtroom, the interrogation room, or maybe helping a stranger out in a corn maze.” Hotch gave her a wink and y/n almost fell flat on her face. Thankfully she saved herself and it wasn’t too obvious that his wink had nearly left her sprawling in the dirt. She was sure she was flushed now as the heat came back to her face. She was about to say something, but shockingly they had made it to the end of the maze and Aaron moved forward to walk out with Jack. y/n stood back for a second. Could she possibly find the courage to ask this man who had somehow magically slipped into her life for half an hour out? She hadn’t looked for a ring. He had a kid. Her thoughts were swirling around her head. She decided she would regroup with her friends, and get another drink, and if Aaron was still around by that point, she would approach him again. 

As she stepped outside back into the bright autumn light Aaron was slightly to the left of the exit retying Jack’s shoe. As she stepped out she raised her hand in the light and didn’t notice her friends snapping a photo of her. However, there was loud laughing and comments of, “What took you so long y/n? Did you get lost?” y/n lowered her hand and in joking exasperation replied, “Oh come on guys, it only took me twice as long as the sign at the front said it would. That’s gotta be a record for me!” She smiled slightly embarrassed and looked over to Aaron to see if he was still there and if he had heard any of that conversation. Her eyes met his and he looked a little upset. She tilted her head in confusion and his eyes moved over the her friend who had taken the picture of her, to Jack, and then back to her. It took a second but everything clicked and she mouthed, “Oh,” silently. y/n smiled at Aaron and said, “I got you. Sorry, and thanks again for your help.” Aaron’s face went back to its happier look. He and Jack moved toward the pumpkin patch set up near the food stands and y/n moved closer to her friends. Her _y/b/f_ asked, “Why were you talking to that guy? He was pretty cute by the way.”  y/n swatted at her friend and said, “Oh my gosh are we back in high school again? No, um, as per usual, I got really lost in the stupid maze and I asked him to help me out. He was surprisingly chill about it. And he’s a lawyer.” y/n stopped talking, realizing she was rambling, and her friend said, “Well it sounds like I’m not the only one who’s taken an interest in him. What’s his name?” y/n let out a long breath, realizing that her friend was right, and replied, “Aaron Hotchner.”

After a moment she remembered her unspoken promise to Aaron and asked her friend, “Hey can you delete that photo of me coming out of the maze?” _y/b/f_ laughed, saying, “Why, it’s funny. Are you too embarrassed for me to post it or something?” y/n rolled her eyes and replied, “No you silly. It’s just that Aaron’s kid might be in it? You know internet safely and all.” y/n’s friend replied jokingly, “When did you become such a worry wart?” y/n’s demeanor shifted to a more serious nature and she said, “Come on _y/b/f_ if the kid’s in it, delete the picture. You know there are bad people online just as much as I do. If you need a reminder of that the guy that helped me get out of that damn maze and whose son you potentially photographed is in the F.B.I. I’m sure he could tell you a few stories if you like.” At this, _y/b/f_ sobered and said, “You’re right. I’ll delete the pic.” After a moment, _y/b/f_ held out their phone with the camera roll pulled up, displaying that only photos from before the corn maze remained.” y/n smiled and said, “Thanks,” y/n sincerely replied. Now that the mood was lightened, _y/b/f_ said, “Damn, that guy’s in the F.B.I. he keeps adding points to his score.” y/n laughed again saying, “You’re hopeless. You have a boyfriend already.” _y/b/f_ nodded and said, “I do, but you don’t. You should go talk to him or give him your number or something. I mean you at least have to think he’s cute, right?” y/n looked away for a moment before saying, “He is very attractive. I actually told myself that I’d grab a drink after we got out and if I still saw him around after that, that I’d go talk to him.” At hearing this, _y/b/f_ said, well what are we waiting for? Let’s get that drink!” They both headed toward the food stands. y/n ordered a _f/s/f/d_. They sat at a table and started sipping the warm drinks appreciating the atmosphere and charm of the cool afternoon while catching up on gossip they had missed in their time apart. 

y/n finished her drink and _y/b/f_ said, “Right, time to find Mr. Hotchner and ask him on out.” y/n sighed and got up. She grabbed another drink to give her time to think about what she would say if she did see Aaron still around. A tiny part of her hoped he had gone, so she wouldn’t have to ask him out and most likely get rejected. However, Aaron was still at the corn maze. Jack had played in the pumpkin patch and seen the baby goats and pigs in the petting zoo. Now they were going to get Jack a hot chocolate for the car ride home. Jack had gotten sleepy and Aaron carried him on his hip, with one arm firmly holding him in place. As they waited in line he saw y/n apparently scanning the crowd for someone. She hadn’t seen him yet, but he was planning to go over and ask her something because she seemed like a nice person and he wanted to make sure she made smart choices. He wasn’t a narc, but he had noticed her drinking before and she had another in her hand now. Aaron didn’t want her behind the wheel anytime soon. He had seen far too many promising young people lose their chance at a future because they had made that choice. Aaron realized he was sounding like Reid as the statistics popped up in his head.

He pushed the mental numbers aside as he got to the front of the line and ordered. He stepped next to _y/n_ softly calling her name, not wanting to wake Jack. y/n turned around and immediately her skin flushed pink. Now that he was in better light he could see her _e/c_’s were beginning to dilate. He was flattered by her silent tells. He took a second to look her over once quickly. He spent such little time out in normal society that it was strange for him to be with strangers who might or might not fancy him. Finally, he said, “Hey again. I’m heading out and thought I’d just check in on you. Um… not to be weird, but you’re not planning on driving soon are you?” y/n smiled and said, “Thanks for saying hi, and no. Our friend is picking us up in half an hour - I’ve got a designated driver Agent.” She said the last word in a joking tone and he laughed softly. Aaron responded saying, “Good to know. Good luck in school, and I hope you have a nice rest of your break.” Aaron wanted to say more but couldn't figure out how. Thankfully for him, he didn’t have to because as he started to turn, y/n called after him. Once he was facing her again, she said, “Aaron, would you like to get a drink together tomorrow? I catch a red eye at one AM, but I’d like to see you again before I go. If you’d be interested that is.” Now it was Aaron’s turn to flush slightly and he replied, “That sounds nice.” They quietly exchanged numbers and set up a preliminary time and place. As Aaron walked toward the car with Jack, y/n turned to face her friend who had gotten close to try and overhear the conversation, but due to the subdued volume and others talking around them, they hadn’t been able to listen in. When y/n turned, the beaming smile on her face told _y/b/f_ everything they needed to know. They squealed in excitement and rushed forward, ready to get all the details. 

As y/n shared the information and plans for tomorrow, she realized that maybe corn mazes weren’t the worst place in the world to get lost after all.

[deliciousangelfestival]

My Problematic Girl - Ch 9 | S.R

Character: College!Steve Rogers x Rich!Female Reader

Prologue:  Steve has lived being nobody in this prestigious university. He just wants to graduate and get a job to get more money to pay the bills for his mother's surgery. But his life turned upside down when a new student attended his class. His quiet and dull life became dangerous and full of surprises.

×××

She exhaled the cigarette smoke from her lips. She still doesn’t care even though he told her he has asthma. 

She looked at Steve and said, “Bark for me.”

Steve felt humiliated, and his pride was crushed. But she held his life and secrets. He had to bury his dignity to the ground, and he murmured, 

“Woof.”

******

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“You’re not joking.” Y/N was surprised to see Steve come here the next morning carrying his stuff. She didn’t consider him serious about joining her revenge on Solomon. 

“You will stay in that room.” She put her reading glass on the documents and brought him to the guest room.

Steve looked around the guest room. There’s a bed, desk, mirror and wardrobe. He wanted to put his outfit inside the wardrobe, but he saw inside there already someone else outfit; for a glance, he could tell it was a male outfit. 

Y/N notices Steve's curiosity since he is stuck looking at the clothes. “It belongs to my friend who sometimes sleeps here if he has a hangover. You can throw it if you want.”

‘She has a friend?’

He was surprised when he heard Y/N had a friend. Probably, he has the same personality as her. 

After he had arranged his stuff, Steve opened the fridge to put the food he had brought from his place. He was surprised by what he had seen. He’s poor but will try to buy various groceries like meat, vegetables, and instant food. But inside her fridge, there are a dozen boxes of chocolate milk, and who put a box of mac and cheese in the fridge, and there’s nothing in the freezer. 

“This is your food?” 

Y/N picked one of the boxes “It already has calcium and vitamins. It’s enough for me.” Besides, Y/N doesn’t know how to cook and only orders a delivery, or Tony will send food to her. 

Steve shook his head. “I will go to the supermarket.”

Y/N took a $300 bill from her wallet and put it on the table counter near Steve's “Here.” 

Once again, she gave him too much money. But this time, he will spend all of it. After she gave the money, she went back to reading a document. 

“What are you doing?”

“Reading my client's request.” She answered without looking at him. 

“Oh right, you’re a lawyer, the one who does money laundering.” Steve replied sarcastically. 

Y/N chuckled. “You’ll be surprised it’s not just me who does this.”

Steve furrowed his eyebrows and asked, “What kind of lawyer who does money laundering?”

Y/N put a finger on her lips. “Cunning is necessary for this business.”

“Y/N you probably will be the only weirdest lawyer I ever knew.”

She giggled without feeling offended. “Glad to be the only one.” 

Steve went back after he bought the groceries. This is the first time he enjoyed shopping without caring about money. After that, he returned to Y/N's apartment and started to cook dinner. 

Y/N wasn’t keen on Steve's idea, “Just order a delivery.”

Steve was cutting the carrots with a knife on the chopping board. The knife he currently uses is of high quality, different from what he had. He wants to use the kitchen applicants in this apartment. 

He waved the knife in his hand. “You just got a seizure; you need to eat homemade food. This time, listen to me; I’m holding a knife here.”

At Steve’s threat, Y/N scoffed, “That was the kindest threat that I ever had from someone holding a knife.”

Satisfied with her answer, he continued cooking while Y/N continued her reading. 

After a while, Steve finished cooking. He put the chicken soup and garlic butter salmon on the table. 

Before he called Y/N, she was already standing looking at the food. For her, it looks weird seeing someone cooking in the kitchen. Before her parents divorced, only her mother enjoyed cooking. Sometimes, she regretted not asking her mother to teach her about cooking. At least she could learn her mother's recipe.

Y/N doesn’t want anyone to touch the kitchen, but seeing Steve looking excited, she doesn’t want to kill his joy.

Both of them eat the food together. There was silence, but it wasn’t awkward. Because they enjoy it, Steve was impressed with the food he made today, and Y/N, it’s been a long time since she ate a simple home-cooked meal that gave her warmth. 

When she stayed at Solomon, she couldn’t eat at all; it seemed like she got a stomachache every day. It is caused by stress. Since then, it’s easier for Y/N to drink milk than eating any foods. 

Y/N put down the food utensils. “Thank you for the food.”

Still eating, Steve widened his eyes; he didn’t expect her to say thanks. “No worries. Thank you for letting me use the kitchen.”

Y/N hummed. She carried her plates to the sink and washed them. “I forgot to mention, you could use the kitchen, TV, and the space if you want to paint.”

Steve stared at her. Is it his illusion? Did he just see her being kind to him?

Steve was watching the TV in the living room. He wasn’t interested at first, but he always wanted to know how it felt like to watch a football game on 75-inch TV. When he turned it on, it was marvellous. His eyes were glued to it. 

While watching, he smelled perfume from behind; he turned around and saw Y/N wearing a dress for a party. But why she’s carrying a gym bag? It doesn’t go well together. 

“I'm going out tonight, don’t wait for me.”

“Where are you going? Don’t forget not to drink any alcohol.”

Y/n rolled her eyes. She closed the door and left. She is always like this, being secretive. 

*******

At night, Steve was awake by a sound. It’s not loud, but the sound keeps repeating. He couldn’t recall the sounds, but he felt familiar. 

Does it mean Y/N has come back?

He opened the door and saw Y/N sitting in the living room, her hands counting money. The sound he heard was from the money-counter machine. And the gym bag is beside her, but now there’s a lot of money inside the bag.

He rubbed his eyes. Is he dreaming or what? 

Y/N felt someone was watching her. She lifted her head, and there he was, her new housemate. He looks dumbfounded, like a lost rabbit who enters the wolf’s den. 

“What’s that?” 

Y/N stared at Steve expressionlessly. It made him uncomfortable. Is this a borderline he couldn't cross? He should’ve stayed asleep and ignored her. 

But then suddenly, Y/N called out his name, “Stevie. You’re really cute as shit.”

Steve was dumbfounded; in which part he’s cute? 

Y/N tapped the stack of money on the table. “In front of you is what $500,000 in cash looks like.”

"Bank still opens at night?" 

She chuckled while counting the money. "Don't be silly, I got this from gambling."

Her tone was playful, but he didn’t find this funny at all. Steve crossed his arms. When he thought she was good, the next thing she did always shocked him. He wondered if staying with her would be fine for his heart. 

"Y/N, you play a dangerous game."

Y/N nodded, agreeing with what he said. She stops counting and looks at him, “You see, Steve. There's something wrong with me. I don't feel scared, guilt, lust and love. I love the adrenaline of taking a big risk.” 

“I could see that.” 

“You remembered my ex?”

The only man who made her uncomfortable was Brock Rumlow. Steve nodded.

“When we were together, I didn’t feel anything. And I think Brock knew that’s why he got another woman.”

Y/N liked being with Brock, but she noticed she didn’t feel any lust for him. She doesn’t want to kiss him or sleep with him. She tried using porn, a smut novel and even went to a strip club, but she doesn’t feel any lust. 

She went to the doctor and learned she was diagnosed with impotence or female sexual dysfunction (FSD). The doctor knew Y/N's history, and she told her that her childhood trauma caused this. 

Yeah, no shit. 

“But I felt something when I saw your drawing, even though it's just a brief moment.” 

Steve felt embarrassed when she mentioned the adult comic he made. Since he got paid, he didn’t continue the story. But what she said next made him want to dig the ground and hide. 

“From the website, only your work triggered my lust.” 

Y/N didn’t understand the reason why. She went to the doctor again and learned about Stendhal’s syndrome is a collection of intense physical and mental symptoms people may experience while or after viewing a work of art.

How lucky she was when she found out the comic creator was sitting beside her at Starks University. 

Steve hides his red face with his hands. “Don't you feel any shame talking about this?”

She shrugged her shoulder. “Like I said before, I don't feel anything. I'm not embarrassed.”

“That's why you don't feel guilty for blackmailing me.”

Y/N smiled broadly. “You seem like the easy type to be bullied.”

Thank you for reading. I hope you like it.

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[holly-fixation]

Seraphic and Sinister: Ch5

Summary: Sephiroth learns that he has a child, a lab made specimen existing under the same terrible conditions he was raised in. In a moment of pure rage, he rescues his child. However, his fate has long been sealed, but the child’s fate is unknown. 

Never did he expect the cadet that killed him to take responsibility for the heir of His planet. 

Inspired by various asks to @rottenpumpkin13

Chapter 5: Unwritten Debt

Cloud didn't mind the incredible weight in his arms, balancing the boxes with little outer struggle. He noticed the little looks from Tifa and walked a bit straighter each time, staying just a bit behind as she guided him through the station.

“What was fun about being in SOLDIER?” 

Cloud shrugged. “The comradery. Helping people.”

“So being on a team or maybe community service?”

“Both, I guess. We always had each other's backs. And of course there were the victory parties…”

Tifa looked back at him before stepping onto the train, a joking smirk on her lips. “Did they put Wall Market to shame?”

Cloud scoffed. “...Maybe the drinking games did.”

“What’d you play? Beer pong? Kings cup?”

“Nothing casual. Normally this relay of shots. The winner at one table moved onto the next until basically all of us blacked out.”

“That’s not really a drinking game,” Tifa explained. “And they let you play at sixteen?” 

If he could scratch the back of his head, he would. “Well, no... Younger SOLDIERs usually just kept an eye on everyone to make sure no one was in real danger.”

“Ever the hero then?” 

Mako eyes almost darkened. “Yeah. What about you?”

“Well at that age I was still running morning aerobics classes for the elders.”

“No, I meant…” He sighed, a small shake of his head from bringing up such an old memory, one tainted by fire and betrayal. “I meant after you got to Midgar.”

The train jerked into motion, and Tifa bent her knees for balance. “Well, I worked at a dumpling stand every day for years, saving up every spare Gil I could. Then I met a few friends, bought the bar, and finally got out of the work-eat-sleep loop.”

“Your friends. They still around?”

“Absolutely! You'll probably see them tonight. They always come around the bar to rendezvous.” 

Cloud hummed. For a moment, the air only contained the rhythmic chugging of the wheels.

Tifa shifted, tightening just a bit. Her crimson eyes on the floor. “So um… can I ask the obvious question? About how you've been?”

He glanced around the train car, at the cameras and office workers. “When we out of the station.”

She nodded. “Right… It's not too long of a ride.”

“How’d you meet your friends?”

“A few came by the stand, showed me the life I was missing. I met Barret when he was going through a tough time and everything kind of…clicked.” She looked out the window wistfully as the train began its descent under the plates. “The bar brought us together. Made us feel like a family.”

“You guys must be pretty tight.”

“We try.” She gave him a soft smile and he looked away. “We all have our saviors, right?”

The blond did not speak another word, focusing on the small details of the train car and the rattling between them until they felt the shift of deceleration. Tifa adjusted the bags in her arms and flicked her head toward the door. Cloud nodded, tightening his grip on the supplies. 

Only down the steps and far away from the station did Tifa finally ask her question. 

“How did you really find her?”

Cloud gave her a confused look. 

“You said you found her, so who is she afraid of getting caught by?”

He took a deep breath. “Her parents were on the run from Shinra. They hid her. I found her while troops were searching some abandoned homes. When they found her…” 

Tifa opened the door to Seventh Heaven and let Cloud pass. 

“I lost it. She's been with me since.” 

“Why didn't you drop her off at an orphanage?” She placed the bags of bottles on the bartop. 

Cloud placed the heavy sacks of groceries on a table before scratching his neck. “...You'll see.”

“She can get contacts.”

He shook his head. “I wish it was that easy. What about your friends? You never mentioned what they do.”

“From one Enemy of Shinra to another-”

Cloud scoffed at her exaggeration. 

“We're AVALANCHE.”

He gave his friend a confused look. “Never heard of them.”

“Fighting for The Planet? We're gonna take Shinra down.”

If only it was the first time he heard an impossible promise. “Good luck. Once you're on their radar, they won't leave you alone.”

“You'll have to talk to Barret to see why. He's the leader.”

Cloud separated the boxes and grabbed a tied off plastic bag at the bottom. 

“Are you sure we should go back so soon? I could at least clean up the bar first.”

“She never left me for long. I'm returning the favor.” 

Tifa let out a sigh before they walked to the front doors. The owner inserted the key and clicked them closed before the two friends returned to her apartment. 

Cloud couldn't be more grateful for Tifa's willingness to pay for the contents in his hand. 

Beyond the perfectly balanced pile of wrappers sticking out of the small garbage can, the apartment was pristine, not a single inch out of place. And no little girl. 

“Sera,” Cloud called as he closed the door behind them. “It's okay. You can come out.”

“Are you sure she won't tell anyone? Are you sure everyone under the plates won't either?” A valid question murmured through the closed bathroom door. 

“Not unless there's money in it,” Tifa mentioned with small concern. 

Cloud shook his head. “Shinra’d have to admit they lost you, and that you aren't dead. They're too proud to say it.”

The little girl took a full breath. The door knob turned slowly. 

“It's okay…” the blond pushed a final time. 

As the hinge slowly opened, the girl entered the light with her eyes down and one hand on her sword. Tifa's eyes went wide at the shimmering display of black and silver hair. 

Cloud didn't pay attention to his friend's shock. He went through it too. “Tifa got you something.” 

Sera's head tilted as she lowered her guard, allowing the plastic bag to be placed in her hands. 

“Open it,” The woman with red eyes suggested with a small smile. 

The girl winced a bit before untying the handles and looking inside. “What is it?”

“Pick it up,” The guardian pushed. 

She reached and pulled out the brown fabric with black designs of roses and thorns on the sleeves and wings on the back. Her eyes widened before she grabbed the second piece of fabric and revealed baggy black pants. The third and final selection was plain white and very thin. 

“After I make some Gil, we're gonna go out and buy you some shoes, okay? It's always better to try them on first.” 

She suddenly locked innocent reptilian eyes on Tifa, the woman flinching and tensing in return. “Thank you… Thank you so much.”

The woman didn't answer, simply nodding. 

“Can I put it on now?”

“O-of course,” came another small smile.

The girl grabbed the bag and ran into the bathroom. 

Cloud took a step closer to his old friend, glancing at the door with his arms crossed. “I owe you.”

Tifa brushed him off. “Don't worry about it. That's what upper plate thrift stores are for. But I wouldn't turn down some help at the bar.”

“Hm.”

“...you could’ve picked something cuter though.”

Cloud shook his head at the statement. “She cares more about practicality than looks. Do you still do martial arts?”

“Of course,” Tifa straightened a bit and locked her hands behind her back, pressing her chest forward. “Every day.”

“Then, when she gets comfortable, don’t be surprised if she criticizes your outfit.”

The woman crossed her arms, leaning closer to him with the shadow of a scowl. “And what is that supposed to mean?”

Shit. He grabbed the back of his neck. “I- Just- Um…” He forced his eyes away from those sizzling red ones, shrinking away. “...That it’s not the standard…? That it might be restricting…?” He felt the hole growing deeper and deeper.

“What’s restricting, Cloud?”

“...don’t worry about it…”

Before Tifa threw another word, Sera opened the door to reveal her new outfit, the hood covering a majority of her hair, her hands rubbing the outer sleeves. “It’s so fluffy.” She turned to Tifa, strands of shimmering hair rebelliously leaving confinement within the comfort of the hoodie. “What can we do to help?”

Tifa’s brows lowered in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“You gave me this. What can I do in return?” 

“I’m not gonna ask you for anything.”

The little girl frowned. “What about the bar? I’m sure some help cleaning wouldn’t hurt…”

She sighed. “I won’t stop you, but at some point you’re gonna need money, real money, if you want a place to stay.”

“We’ll make it work…”

“Look,” Cloud interrupted. “Do you know anyone that’s looking for an extra pair of hands right now?”

Realization suddenly flashed on the friend’s face. “...I might know a guy. Maybe you won’t have to worry. How well can you fight?”

Cloud raised a brow. “Ex-SOLDIER. First Class. You’ve seen me at work.”

Tifa glanced away while the little girl once again looked at the floor. “Have you been keeping up since you left?” She mocked his earlier question.

“Do you even have to ask?”

* * * 

The childhood friends and tagalong eventually returned to Seventh Heaven, Cloud showing his strength by stocking and organizing inventory while the little girl scrubbed every corner of the tables, chairs, and wooden floor panels. 

Tifa, regrettably, was regulated to the bartop, tracking every receipt from their inventory replenishment into the written record of finances. She preferred to do the paperwork at night, but there was no saying no to Cloud, and the little girl stole all the cleaning supplies before she even stepped foot in her own bar. Literally. The child ran ahead when leaving her apartment.

Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted Cloud looking around and out the windows. “They have to meet here first anyway.”

“You think they’ll have a job for me?”

She rocked her head side to side as she thought. “There’s a chance. It all depends on if they found someone.”

“And if they can’t pay enough?”

She looked at him, resting a hand on the bartop. “How much were you thinking?”

Cloud glanced at the little girl. “...Two thousand. It might get us a room and a meal. Then we’ll figure it out from there.”

Tifa brought her hand to her chin. “I can ask around tomorrow morning. No reason to go far after finally meeting up again, right?”

He scratched the back of his neck, the smallest of pink dusting his cheeks. “Yeah.”

“There’s always an odd job to do around the sector. If AVALANCHE doesn’t have an opening, we will find something else.”

“You said they’re going after Shinra, right, Miss?” The girl met the two adults with serpentine eyes. 

Tifa nodded, concerned with the coldness in the tone. “That’s right.”

The starry haired child looked away for a moment, squeezing crossed arms before dropping them. “Cloud, are you sure you’ll be okay? I can’t go with you.”

The blond sighed softly before locking with crimson eyes like a puppy.

Damn it. “I’ll keep you safe. Don’t worry.” She leaned on her knees, forcing a kind smile to her lips. “And you’ll have someone to play with. It’s gonna be fun.”

Snake-like eyes hardened. She turned away and continued scrubbing the floor, not acknowledging a single word said. 

Cloud, finished with his own task, took a seat two stools away from his old friend. He whispered, “She doesn’t like it when you talk to her like a kid.”

“She’s a little too young to dislike it already.”

“She’s been through a lot. She’s not your average kid. Just…” He sighed, leaning on the counter. “...I dunno… try?”

She didn’t like the pain in his expression. “I’ll do my best. It’s not something I think about.”

“Thanks.”

The front door suddenly slammed open, three men of all statures and one woman barging in like they owned the place. Tifa saw the child reach for her sword but remain still as a statue. 

“You ain’t gonna believe this!” The tallest man with a gun for an arm boasted, clearly the leader. “Not one- Not ONE- merc in Midgar’s willin’ to fight for The Planet we stand on! What to people think is gonna happen when all the Mako starts dryin’ up with every last shred of life in the world!?”

The woman with the ponytail and red bandana laughed, exacerbated but friendly. “Save us the speech, Barret! We all know exactly what you’re talking about.”

“We can’t pull this off without a fighter. What are we gonna do?” The shorter but large one asked with a small tremble in his voice. 

“What we always do,” The last member nudged him with a kind elbow, clearly trying to project his carefree attitude. “We improvise.”

Tifa addressed her friend first, “I told you I might have a job for you.” She stood up, turning to the group. “Hi, guys. Meet your merc.”

“How?!”

“What!?”

“Where’d you find this cutie?”

“How did you find one? It's inventory day!”

She gestured to each name as she spoke, “Cloud, this is Barret,” the tall man with a gun for an arm, “Jessie,” the only woman of the group, “Biggs,” the carefree member, “and Wedge,” the worrisome one. “Everyone, this is Cloud. An Ex-SOLDIER and an old friend.”

“First Class,” the blond added as he turned and stood. “When do we head out?”

“Hold up, hotshot,” Barret countered. “How do we know you're willin’ to bite the hand that fed you?”

“I've seen first hand what Shinra is capable of and what they're hiding. I've been inside multiple reactors. I know their security protocols and how to navigate them during malfunctions. And after what they did to Tifa and I, you can bet your ass I'll never bow to them again.”

The mention of the shared experience flashed a vague sense of understanding, despite Tifa knowing she never revealed the whole story. 

Half of the restaurant had their lives ruined by Shinra. There was no debating that simple fact. 

“Then how about an audition, blondie?”

“There's no time,” Wedge interrupted. “You have to pick up Marlene if we're doing this tonight.”

“I got ten minutes before I gotta go.”

“Come on, Barret,” Jessie spoke with a devious smirk, “worst case scenario, he's the extra target that keeps security off our butts.”

“I mean, if he can wield a sword like that, I think we're in good shape either way,” Biggs added. 

Cloud removed the Buster Sword from his back, carefully avoiding contact with the ceiling. He held the blade in one hand, pointed toward the ground, before tossing it just below the boundary and catching it easily. He repeated the motion like a child with a tennis ball.

“Well I think that settles it. What's your rate?”

“Two thousand.” 

“Get the hell outta here!”

“A last minute job against the company running the city. It's fair enough.”

Barret grumbled.

“Come on, let's give Soldier Boy a shot,” Jessie suggested, wrapping an arm around Cloud's shoulders. Tifa knew Jessie was just being friendly, but Cloud immediately pushed her off.

“...Be careful…” 

All heads whipped to find the small voice, to a little girl in the corner. 

“Guys!”

“That's not good…”

“You better forget what you heard and run along to your parents, kid.” 

Sera gripped the sword at her side, predatory eyes sharp and pristine. She took a quick but deep breath. “Shinra ruined my life. Ruined my father's life. Ruined Cloud and Tifa's life. I won't say anything, but if I'm leaving, I'm leaving with Cloud.”

“You can't just take our merc!”

“Then make a decision. I can't go with you, but I want that company to burn to the ground.”

“We're not takin’ a kid on a mission anyway.”

“I'm not asking to go with you. I'm asking that you all come back alive.” The little girl looked at Cloud before returning to the team. “I don't know what I'll do if something happens to him.”

“I’ve got this, Sera.”

She looked away again before meeting mako blue eyes and nodding slowly.

.

.

.

.

To be continued…

Chapter list here! 

Thanks for reading!

[bbgem329]

Things Are Never As They Seem—Chapter Fourteen

Pairings—Sebastian Stan x Actress!Reader, Sebastian Stan x OFC (PR relationship)

Summary

You and Sebastian Stan have been dating privately for over two years. Everything is perfect until he is coerced into a PR relationship when he signed with a new agency to advance his career. Trouble ensues…

Warnings

MINORS DNI. 18++. Language. Fluff. Angst. HW sucks. PR relationships. Rich white bitches, man. Pining!Seb. Puppy lovin.

Series Masterlist

—————

December 8, 2020

You let out a heavy sigh as you haphazardly tossed your phone on the coffee table before slipping out from the blanket cocoon you’d made yourself on the couch. Your steps were heavy as you dragged yourself to the window, watching the snowfall over the brightly lit city below.

December always looked so good on New York City.

You didn’t much care for the cold but the lights, the snow, the overall cheer in the atmosphere for the approaching Holidays brought a different sort of warmth. One you were convinced you wouldn’t ever find anywhere else.

New York City was home and you were more than relieved to finally be home after months away.

You weren’t supposed to be back for a whole other week but the director had some sort of family emergency and she’d decided to dismiss everyone early. You weren’t the slightest bit upset over it, you happily booked the first flight home as soon as you’d returned to your rented apartment that evening and were falling into your very own bed by midnight.

You had only been back for a few days and you still had yet to let a single person know. You’d convinced yourself you just needed a few days to get your life back in order—clean the apartment, wash your sheets, do some laundry, grocery shop, etc. It was nice to unwind and step back, at least for a little while.

You’d even taken the time to put up your Christmas decorations but decorating the tree hadn’t felt as special as it usually did. For the past three years, you and Sebastian had made it somewhat of a tradition to do it together with cheesy matching Christmas PJ’s, Christmas music, and spiked eggnog. You really tried to make it a fun ordeal, you bought the PJ’s—a cute, fuzzy white set with a matching robe and slippers, got shitfaced on Peppermint Schnapps Hot Chocolate while blaring ‘Baby, It’s Cold Outside’ and Mariah Carey’s ‘All I Want For Christmas is You’, but it just wasn’t the same.

Although that tradition seemed to be a big fat lie because according to Sebastian’s recent instagram post, he hadn’t had a christmas tree in twenty years. You nearly choked on your coffee when it popped up on your feed—a masked selfie of him with a barren tree and then another picture of a fully decorated, lit tree.

You knew it was all for show but that didn’t make it sting any less. It felt like somewhat of a slap in the face if you were being honest, like all those christmas’ you shared meant little to nothing to him. It’s what they intended anyways—to make it seem like they’re relationship was just so special and so serious that they were celebrating by starting up old, new traditions again.

Clearly Sebastian wasn’t working too hard at getting out of that contract. Just yesterday Catalina posted a picture of them together but this time with the all clear to tag him. The picture was a joke, a highly staged shot of their shadows on a trail with the caption ‘Walking on a dream’. He didn’t interact, choosing instead to post an old video of him in quarantine, goofing around. However, Erin was quick to comment about how much she loved them together.

You swore you’d never rolled your eyes harder.

It seemed that Catalina was finally getting her way.

And she really couldn’t be too mad about Sebastian not interacting with her post when she finally got that follow from him she’d been whining about for months. His fans were in a massive uproar over it and she was only pissing them off more with all the pictures she won’t stop posting on her story of the damned christmas tree.

You couldn’t even be bothered with it anymore, you muted both her and Sebastian almost immediately after you saw the post.

You were beyond determined to enjoy your break and the holidays, with or without him. You weren’t going to let either of them ruin your favorite time of the year.

You were home.

Christmas was in seventeen days.

You were going to spend some much needed time with Macy and Blake.

And that was more than enough to make everything okay.

You nearly jumped out of your skin when an insistently, loud knock sounded at the door.

“I know you’re in there, Y/N. You better fucking open the door right now.”

You’d recognize that voice anywhere.

A beaming grin spread across your lips and your feet moved on their own accord, steps light as you sprinted to the door. As soon as you turned the lock and released the door chain, Blake was shoving himself into your apartment.

“Hi.” You giggled, throwing yourself into his chest, arms wrapped tightly over his shoulders and your legs around his waist. “I missed you so much.”

“Uh. No.” He made a disgruntled noise as he peeled your body away from his and set you back on your feet. You let out a little whine, making grabby hands towards him but he leveled you with a heated glare and slapped your hands away. “Why the fuck haven’t you told anyone you were home? Let alone answered your goddamn phone?”

You shrunk into yourself, arms folded comfortingly over your chest as your gaze flickered to the floor. You were sure you looked similar to a kicked puppy and you were hopeful it would help you plead your case. You gave a little shrug, “I just wanted some time to clean up and put my life back together.”

Blake scoffed, rolling his dark hues as he shot a glance back over his shoulder.

“How did you even find me anyways?” Your brows furrowed as you rose to the tip of your toes, trying to steal a peek at whoever was standing just outside the doorway. “Who is with you?”

“I have your location, dumbass.” Blake huffed, smacking his hand over your face and forcing your head away, inadvertently covering your eyes and blocking your view. “You can come in now.”

“What-”

“Shut up, sweetheart.” He huffed, poking at your side with his free hand, “I have a surprise for you.”

You stuck your tongue out, licking Blake’s hand but he didn’t budge, completely unphased as he pulled you back into his chest and spun you in the direction of what you assumed was the door. “Blake.”

“Just trust me, woman.” He groaned, arms tightening around your wiggling form. “Jesus Christ.”

Your heart sped up in your chest as you continued to struggle in his hold. On one hand you wanted so desperately for it to be Sebastian standing before you when Blake removed his hand but an even bigger part of you wasn’t at all prepared to face him yet. He wouldn’t come, not if you didn’t want him to. You asked for space and for the most part, he was giving it to you. It was silly to even consider the possibility that he would be here, not when you’d been ignoring his texts and calls for the past couple weeks.

“Blake.” You whined, clawing at the hand over your face. “Come on. I hate surprises.”

“You’re such a brat.” He sighed, releasing his hold before taking a step back.

It took a minute for your eyes to adjust to the light but once they did, your entire being lit up and warmth spread throughout your chest, “Oh My God.”

You breathed out a little sigh, whether it was one of relief or disappointment you weren’t sure. Regardless, you were happy to find Damion standing just inside the doorway with the sweetest, little goldendoodle puppy cradled to his chest. “You got a dog?” You gasped out, rushing forward to pet the sleepy puppy, cooing and fawning over the little girl or guy. “Oh and hi, Damion. This is such a pleasant surprise.”

Damion flashed you a shy smile, wiggling his dark brows at you as a jet black curl fell unceremoniously over his baby blue eyes. He was so handsome, in an unaware, shy kind of way, and you completely understood why Blake was so smitten.

Your attention turned fully to the dog then, combing your fingers through its soft, golden curls, “Well, aren’t you the cutest little thing, huh?” You squeaked out a delighted giggle as the pup leaned into your touch, nudging its nose against your cheek. “Aw, thank you. Thank you.”

“It’s not our dog.” Blake spoke up, and you glanced over your shoulder just in time to see a smug smirk tugging at the corner of his lips. His hands landed on either of your shoulders, giving them a tiny little squeeze, “Merry Christmas, babe.”

Your brain short circuited, fingers freezing in the pup’s fur, “What?” Your jaw dropped as Damion passed the puppy off to you and you instinctively cradled it to your chest, “Blake?”

“Well,” Blake shrugged, trailing back out into the hall, “You’ve been talking about getting one for months now and I thought, why not?”

You stood, watching dumbly as he and Damion dragged in a giant crate, a few big bags of dog food, and three brown bags.

“I know how lonely you get on the road, especially when myself, Macy, or,” He hesitated, rolling his bottom lip between, “Seb… Can’t be with you. I just thought maybe having this little guy would make things a little easier for you.”

Your heart swelled in your chest and you buried your face in the puppy’s fur to hide the heat rising to the apples of your cheeks. “I can’t believe that you bought me a puppy.” When you lifted your head, there were tears pooling in your eyes, “It’s a boy pup?”

Damian chuckled, wrapping an arm over your shoulder, “It’s a boy, miele.”

You squeaked out a choked back sob as Blake slid up beside you, sandwiching you in a hug between the two big men, “I love you guys. You got me a fucking puppy.”

“We love you too.” Blake laughed, leaning over to press a kiss to the top of your head, “But I’m definitely still pissed you didn’t tell me you were home. You have a lot of explaining to do, girlie.”

“Okay, but first,” You beamed, wrinkling your nose at him, “Does this dude have a name?”

“That’s your job, sweetheart.” Blake smirked, playfully nudging his hip into yours, “Your his mom, after all.”

—————

Y/N_Y/L/N: Guys!! I’m officially a dog momma!

Meet my fur baby, Bentley!

After making room for the crate in your office and finding a home for all Bentley’s toys, you begged Blake to take a bunch of cute pictures of you snuggled up on the couch with the sleepy puppy cradled in your lap. As soon as you deemed the photos good enough, you didn’t hesitate to post a few on your instagram.

You were absolutely in love with the sweet boy and you figured it wouldn’t hurt to show him off. Besides, Ellie had been on your butt about posting something to let your fans know you were alive and well. You tended to fall off the face of the earth when filming and they always seemed to worry when you were quiet for too long. You were essentially killing two birds with one stone.

It hadn’t even been up for fifteen minutes and your notifications were blowing up. A flood of comments and likes lighting up your phone screen where it lay mostly forgotten on the coffee table.

“I heard you still haven’t really talked to Sebastian.”

Your head snapped up from where you were watching the hot chocolate swirl in your reindeer mug, eyes wide, almost like a deer caught in the headlights, “Where did you hear that from?”

“Oh my God.” Blake groaned, scrubbing a hand down his face, “Why do you act so surprised every time? I talk to him too, ya know?” Blake rolled his eyes, sharing a look with Damion, “He actually won’t stop pestering me about you. I love him to death, Y/N, but my God, that man literally can’t handle not speaking with you. You’re really putting him through it.”

“Well, that’s not entirely true.” You declared, giving a lazily shrug of your shoulders as you eyes trailed back down to Bentley snoozing in your lap, “I texted him a few days ago.”

“Are you for real right now, Y/N?” Blake scoffed, brows furrowed and lips pressed in a thin line. His expression and tone took you aback. He was disappointed and it made your heart clench painfully in your chest, “All you said was ‘hi’ and then proceeded to not respond to his other texts. Don’t you think you’ve punished him enough?”

“Blake.” Damian warned, pressing a hand over his thigh.

“I don’t know, Blake.” You groaned, tugging a hand frustratingly through your hair, “I don’t know, okay? I’m hurt. I should talk to him but I don’t know if-”

“Do you love him, Y/N?”

You snapped your mouth shut, completely thrown off by his question. You let out a loud scoff, setting your mug down before pressing the heel of your hands over your eyes as you shook your head, “Of course I do. Why would you even ask me that?”

“I think it’s completely fair.” Blake pointed out, brushing Damian off as he sat forward on the edge of the love seat, resting his elbows over his knees as he leveled you with a hardened stare, “Because I expected you to be a mess when we showed up here today—You know, not having an actual conversation with the man you’re so fucking in love with for at least three weeks, is normally really fucking upsetting.” He narrowed his eyes at you, waving a hand aimlessly in your direction, “Yet you seem fine. Which is really out of character for you.”

“I love him, alright?” You snapped, shifting in your seat and pulling your legs up to your chest, Bentley cradled carefully to your chest, “I love him so much it hurts. I’m still really angry and upset by everything that went down and I don’t really have anything nice to say to him right now. Not to mention this isn’t something that I want to discuss over the phone.” You pressed your cheek to your knee, eyes trained on the floor, “I don’t want to fight with him. I don’t want to make it worse.” Your voice was soft, weaker as tears welled up in your eyes, threatening to spill down your cheeks at any given moment, “I honestly don’t know what to do—what to say… I’m not leaving him. I’m not trying to punish him… I just,” You exhaled a shaky breath, shoulders sagging in defeat, “I’m just lost, okay?”

“You need to talk to him.” Damian spoke up, voice gentle and calm.

You’d never been more relieved to have him here. As much as you loved Blake, the both of you were like fire and ice at times. By now, Damian was an expert at diffusing the rising tension between you—he knew just what to say or do to cool Blake down or warm you up.

And as soon as he spoke up, it was like the heaviness that had settled over the room, disappeared before your very eyes.

“You have to give him the chance to explain.” Damian explained, glancing between the two of you, “If not for him, then for yourself, miele. It might make you feel so much better,” He gestured to his chest, a thoughtful look on his face, “Less angry.”

You sunk back into the cushion, head lolling back against the top of the couch as you stared blankly at the ceiling, “I know.”

“Sebastian loves you.” He urged softly, and you couldn’t help but swoon over the way he said his name, his accent thick. “He is very sorry and upset over what happened. I’ve heard all about it myself. I truly think you owe it to him and yourself to talk it out.”

“Just call him, please.” Blake exhaled a heavy sigh, “Put him out of his misery. Whether it’s a text, a call, an email, a zoom. I don’t care.” He shook his head, a frown tugging at the corner of his lips, “Just talk to him, Y/N.”

“I will.” You nodded, rolling your bottom lip between your teeth.

“But not tonight.” A big grin split across Damian’s face, “I’ve heard you make the best white chili and I have yet to try it.” He rose from the couch, wiggling his dark brows at you, “What do you think? Are you up for some cooking lessons tonight?”

—————

December 9, 2020

You paced around your bedroom, eyeing your phone where it lay on the neatly made bed. Sebastian was going to call you any minute. He’d tried to call a few times last night and left a couple of voice mails. You hadn’t deliberately ignored those, you’d just been distracted with making dinner with Blake and Damian, and had left your phone forgotten on the coffee table for the rest of the evening and well into the night.

This morning you woke to a handful of upset texts—wondering why you were home so early, a million questions and disbelief over the new puppy.

He had a right to be upset, if you were being honest with yourself.

For three years, he was front and center for everything that occurred in your life and now, with a flip of a switch, he had no clue what was happening in your life.

And you hadn’t a clue what was happening in his either.

You were quick to realize the error of your ways when you thought of it that way and you’d spent all fucking night turning Blake and Damian’s word over in your head.

Perhaps you had overreacted… No, you definitely had.

You hadn’t been fair to him.

You hadn’t put yourself in his shoes.

You couldn’t even begin to imagine the angst he must be feeling—the pain you’ve forced him through the last three weeks. At this point you could only hope he would forgive you because if he ever did what you did to him, there wasn’t a doubt you would’ve seriously considered walking away.

You dropped your head into your hands with a drawn out groan, rubbing roughly over your bloodshot eyes.

I have to do a pap walk at 9, I’ll call you as soon as I’m done.

That’s the text you’d received in response to the one you’d sent as soon as you’d awoken this morning, letting him know you were ready to talk and it was okay to call you.

That was over an hour ago and you’d been a nervous wreck ever since.

No matter how hard you tried, the tears just wouldn’t seem to stop leaking from your eyes and you couldn’t remember the last time your chest felt this tight. It was as if the weight of the world was resting over your shoulders but you knew you had no one to blame but yourself. This conversation could’ve gone a lot better had it taken place three weeks ago. You’d put it off for far too long and now it was you that had to plead your case and make things right.

Sebastian fucked up but you took it further.

He lit the match and you added a fuck ton of gas to the fire.

Your ringtone sounded, echoing loudly throughout your silent room. You stole a quick glance at Bentley lounging lazily across his big, fluffy bed in the corner of the room before walking slowly to the edge of the bed. Your hands shook as you picked up the phone, Sebastian’s smiling face lighting up the entire screen.

“Hello?”

“Hi.” He breathed out, voice low and so clearly filled with relief.

“How-” You cleared your throat, sinking down on the edge of the mattress, “How are you?”

His deep sigh radiated through your soul, “I don’t want to do the small talk thing right now, Y/N… I can’t stand it and I fucking miss you.”

You bit back a choked sob, voice shaky, “I miss you too.”

“I don’t want to fight anymore. Not even again.”

“Me neither.” You croaked out, wiping furiously at the tears spilling down your cheeks, “I’m sorry.”

“No. I’m so sorry, Y/N.” He sniffled, voice cracking, “I deserved the silent treatment—probably more than that. I can’t imagine how hard that must’ve been for you to see. And it was… so fucking stupid of me not to let you know that she was staying here. You’ve gotten on my ass about communicating and I just had to go and fuck things up again. You’ve been nothing but patient with me—given me chance after chance.” There was an obvious tremble in his voice and your heart nearly split into two when a muffled sob sounded on the other line. “I have no right to your forgiveness, or to even ask for another chance… But I love you so much and I don’t think I can handle losing you completely… So please,” He cried softly, “Please don’t leave me. I’m so fucking sorry.”

“Hey.” You said softly, “Hey, I’m not going anywhere, okay?” You wiped at your nose, sniffling a little, “I love you so much and I forgive you. I overreacted, I shouldn’t have ignored you for so long—we should’ve talked it out a long time ago but I’m stubborn and I was upset. I thought time and space would help but it only made me feel worse.” You inhaled a shaky breath, “So I am sorry too. I think we have a lot to talk about—something I’d rather wait to do in person so we can actually see each other and hold one another. It would make things easier that way but I want us to be okay. I want to make this work.”

“You have nothing to be sorry about, baby.” He declared, tone final but still gentle, “Nothing. I need to know that I will make it back to you for christmas and we can talk things out—really hash things out between us before I leave to film Fresh. I don’t know when but I’ll make it work, no matter what. If it was up to me, I would’ve been on the first flight to you three weeks ago but I’m stuck and I was trying really hard to give you the space you needed.”

“It’s okay.”

“I tried getting out of the contract—I’m still trying but as of right now, I have to convince you know who to agree to terminate the contract and she isn’t budging.” He exhaled a heavy sigh, “I should’ve never agreed to this. If I would’ve known what it would do to us—to you, I would’ve never signed the fucking thing.” He sniffled again, “It won’t happen again, I swear to God. You will know every little thing before it happens—I will tell you every tiny detail about even the most minor interactions. I will not put you through this again. I promise.”

A small laugh bubbled up from your throat, finally feeling relieved of the tension that had been weighing heavily on your chest. “You don’t have to do that but I appreciate it nonetheless… And it’s not that I don’t trust you—I don’t think that you would cheat on me, least of all with her.” You paused, gnawing on your bottom lip, “It’s just about being up front and direct. I don’t need to know everything—honestly I don’t want to. But when it comes to things like housing arrangements, introductions to friends, pap walks, and who you are bringing in on this shitshow, that would be greatly appreciated. At least so I’m not out of the loop and caught by surprise by something I find out through the internet.”

“I can do that—I will do that,” He asserted softly, “I just need to know we will be okay at least until I can get back and then you can really give me a piece of your mind.”

“We will talk and we will be okay.”

“God, I hope so.” He chuckled lightly, “Cause I missed your voice. I miss your gorgeous fucking face and I never ever want to go that long without hearing from you again. I can’t even begin to explain how lost I’ve been… And to not know what’s going on in your life—It’s been driving me up the fucking wall.” He paused, “For fuck’s sake you got a puppy and I wasn’t there. I would’ve killed to see your reaction… to enjoy something that big with you.”

“He’s the sweetest, Seb.” You bit your lip to suppress a big smile, eyes trailing over to the pup licking at his paw in the corner, “You wanna be his dog dad?”

“Is that even a question?” Sebastian scoffed, “Fuck ya, I do.”

You couldn’t stop the laugh that bubbled up from your throat over his excitement, “Blake said he’s gonna get real big and he’s already trained. Damian insisted they put him in classes before giving him to me.”

“Really?” He asked softly, “That’s so considerate of them. You're a busy woman after all. No time to train a puppy.”

“I know right.”

“I can’t wait to meet him, baby.”

“He can’t wait to meet you too.” You whispered, a small smile tugging at the corner of your lips, “Soon and then everything will be okay.”

“I love you.” He said softly, “So fucking much. You know that, right?”

You nodded, bottom lips trapped between your teeth, “I know, Seb. I love you too. A lot.”

“We’re gonna be okay.”

As much as you hated to admit it, Damian and Blake were right, talking it somewhat through already made you feel so much better.

And Although you weren’t completely over this bump in the road, you were heading in the right direction.

Now you knew where you both stood, you were prepared to do anything to make it work.

—————

Tag list

@justlovelifeblog @inlovewith3 @buckybarnesandmarvel @sleutherclaw @snugglingbucky @perlaluna @littlewhiterose

@idontwannagomrstarkk @abihaaa14 @eclecticpatrolroadlawyer @sebsgirl71479

[poppy-metal]

so uh,,,,this ended up being alot softer then i was expecting LMAO.

Bully!eren x reader

Cw: not alot, some smut at the end. Tame for me but i was in my FEELINGS okay.

Word count: 2.3k

The familiar sleek black of erens benz pulls up to the side of your house as you walk home from a late night trip to the grocery store, pints of ben & jerrys ice cream in the bags, as well as several other snack items one might munch on to cram for an exam, which is what you planned on doing. 

You side step more onto the sidewalk when he pulls up beside you, still driving just slow enough to match your pace. He rolls down the window, jerking his head, “Just the girl i wanted to see,” he drawls hooking his arm out his window to lean out a little, he grins, “its fate” 

You scrunch your nose up and scoff “Stalking is another word for it, jaeger”. You look him over suspiciously, “you wanted to see me?” 

He rolls his eyes. He’s wearing aviator sunglasses, pushed up his forehead. Loitering in front of your house like this, you’re aware of how different the worlds you live in are. Everything about eren is expensive, from his car to his sunglasses to his clothes, even the way he smells, the cologne he wears, all tells how important he is. Meanwhile here you are in your oversized hoodie and leggings, hands full of stuff you’d bought from the convenience store, prepared to spend your night busting your ass to even stay in the college you had to claw your way to get into, wherein he had gotten in without even trying. You’re not self conscious, at least not usually. You’d never yearned to be apart of erens world too terribly, and it was eren who always sought you out, not the other way around, when there was plenty of rich girls right up his alley and status that would be glad to be with him and yet here he was at 11pm at night. You try to push down the way your heart flutters at that fact.

“Uh huh. Get in the car, bambi, m’taking you somewhere” his teeth are a flash of white against the night, promising trouble, as always. Your grip on your bags tightens, as does your heart in your chest. You glance away, “i have to study” 

“Study?”

Your brows pinch together and you hold up your bags “Not that you’d care, jaeger, but some of us have to actually study to achieve our goals. I can't entertain you tonight, im busy” 

Eren doesn’t look put out in the slightest, glancing down at your bags with casual disinterest“You dont need to study”. And then he looks up at you and meets your eyes, your breath catching, they look closer to the shade of seaglass today. “You’re smarter than anyone i know, ___, and i know alot of people. Whatever you want to pass? You’re already there. Just come with me, please”  

Your eyes widen and your heart spasms in your chest, caught off guard by the raw honesty in his voice. He has moments like this, where he usually teases you and gets under your skin but sometimes he says something that makes everything in you jolt. Its not fair. Its confusing and it messes with your head, makes it fuzzy, weakens you and makes you do things you’d never do with a clear mind.  

You wish you could fight it, wish you could roll your eyes and tell him no and do what you need to do. But you don’t. Huffing you say, “Ugh, fine. Just let me put this stuff up, my ice creams probably already a puddle by now” you turn and rush up to your house, ears burning when you hear him call out, “Thatta girl!” 

You try not to put everything away to hastily, thinking he ought to squirm just a little, but even you can’t deny the eager buzzing under your skin. When you clamber into the passenger seat of his car eren turns to grin at you as he flicks his sunglasses back over his eyes. “Knew you’d see reason, bambi”. You roll your eyes at the nickname, crossing your arms over your chest as you side eye him warily, “where are you taking me jaeger, is this a kidnapping?” 

“Not a kidnapping when you want it, sweetheart”, eren says, putting his arm around the back of your seat as he backs up his car to make a uturn. You dont know if the flustered leap in your chest is from the petname or the way his forearm looks flexing, the cords in his neck prominent as he looks behind him for any oncoming cars. “Just trust me, yeah? You’ll like it” 

You sink in the seat, trying to get away from the warm heat of his arm so close to you, but hes taking it away soon enough, only to draw your attention again to the way his hands look steering the wheel. His hands….You turn to look out the window, opting for silence, because you feel like you’re about to lose your mind. This car is just so..him and its overwhelming your senses. It smells good, it smells like him, his cologne wafting all around you. The sleek interior of his car is crisp, clean, sharp, and just so richboy it feels surreal. You haven’t been in his car before. 

Eren seems okay with the silence though, tapping his finger idly against the wheel as soft music plays from the radio. Its strangely peaceful, actually. Before you know it, the whirring of houses and neighborhoods and highway turns into palm trees and sand. You sit up straighter, coming out of your daze when you realize eren is pulling his car into the sandy bank by a large body of water. The beach. You haven’t had a chance to go here. 

The water looks like black at this time of night, there are no waves, just sparkling dark abyss that stretches out for ages and ages, glittering under the moonlight. There are no other cars parked close to you so its just you, eren, and the sea. 

You spend quite awhile gawking at the ocean before you come to your senses and turn to face eren. He has his elbow propped on the wheel, chewing idly on his thumb as he peers at you from over his sunglasses. A small smile is playing at his lips as he watches you. 

You gape, “What…” 

“You’re cute when you’re excited, you know” his voice is low, dropped in that way that makes your toes curl in your shoes. You ignore the way your heart skips at his words, probing him, “Why did you bring me here, ren?” 

He turns to face forward, flipping the radio off so theres no background noise between the two of you. Taking his sunglasses off the folds them and puts them on the dash, sighing as he watches the ocean from out the windshield, gnawing on his lips. Tap, tap, tap, his fingers on the wheel go as you wait for him to speak. “Last week,” he starts, glancing at you, “When we had to do those presentations in class about places we feel at home..you talked about the library” 

He laughs under his breath like its some kind of endearing joke, shaking his head a little. You dont speak. “The library is where i first saw you, you know? I mean, before all this, before i..talked to you, i noticed you before you ever noticed me.” A small secret smile plays on his lips, “You were reading ‘percy jackson and the lightning thief’, and you haid your hair in pigtails. Your glasses were way to big your face. My first thought was ‘wow she looks like an owl’, but then i saw you laugh at something on the page and my second thought was ‘i want to know her’. We were in middle school.” 

Green eyes connect with yours, “You still go there, i know. But anyway..this is. My place, i guess”. He purses his lips “i figure since i'm always intruding on your little sanctuary , i’d let you see mine” 

You take everything he just said in. He’d known about you, noticed you, since middle school? You hadn’t acknowledged him until sophomore year of highschool, hadn’t spoken to him since senior year, when this tug and pull had first begun between you two. You remembered that day, your mother wouldn't buy you the series so you’d relied on constantly re-reading the books at the library. It was around that time you began to see that place as something special, too. Tucked away from the world, you could lose yourself in another's story. It was like magic. And to realize eren had been there the whole time, had glimpsed that, realized that the library was your special place, that he’d even payed attention to your presentation in class at all in the first place...that he was here, showing you something of himself in return, even though you’d never asked. You’d wondered of course. 

Eren was an enigma, he was on most days, the bane of your existence. He had made your life a living hell on many occasions, but with that, he also made you feel more alive than ever before. He’d dragged you out of your bubble and challenged you to see the world beyond school and books and fiction, he raised your emotions and forced you to experience everything head on. Anger, confusion, happiness, anxiety, thrill, lust and…

You look at him. The way the moonlight curls into the car like a kind of mist, making his eyes look absolutely beautiful. The soft wave to his brown hair, his eyelashes, everything about him made you ache with desire. All the time, even when you swore you hated him, you wanted him. 

“Kiss me”. Its whispered out so low, for a moment you worry he might not hear it. Its the first time you’ve asked for him, reached for him first without his taunting to guide a confession from you. With this request, filling the air between you, you’re making it known that you want him, want this. It doesn’t change anything and yet it somehow changes everything. You can’t look in the mirror and tell yourself he doesn’t occupy your mind and your heart anymore. Not after this. 

Eren seems to realize this too, his intake of breath letting you know he heard you loud and clear. “__..” he says, inching closer. His eyes, dark now, are so very hungry as he closes in. In a moment his lips, soft, so soft, are on yours. You sigh into his kiss, opening for him easily when his tongue glides into your mouth. His hand comes up to cup your jaw, tenderly, thumb stroking it. God, you want to eat him, you want him to eat you. The wet smack of your lips fills the car as you hungrily nip, and suck, and kiss at each others lips. 

When eren pulls back, he’s panting, hair disheveled. You don’t remember when your hands first sunk into his hair, but they must have, messed up as it is now. He looks at you like he wants to devour you, he licks his lips. “I’m gonna put your seat back,” he tells you slowly, each word dripping with finality, “im going to kiss every inch of your body and then you’re opening those legs for me and letting me inside, baby” 

You don’t have it in you to act scandalised, you know what you want. You’d basically asked for it. You just nod, never taking your eyes off his face when he reaches down and pulls the lever. And then you feel yourself being tilted backwards as the seat goes back, laying you flat. Your chest heaves with barely contained need as eren then settles above you, every clothed inch of him hovering just barely above you. 

Holding your eyes, eren lowers himself. You spread your legs easily to accommodate him, gasping when you feel his clothed cock settle right against your clit through your leggings. He rocks once, gently, against you, his hair hanging over his forehead as he looks down at you with utter want in his eyes, “Want you to feel me”, he murmurs, and rocks again, “Wanna fill you up so good, you can’t ever pretend that im not apart of you. Because, this, baby?” Another rock, a shuddered moan leaving your lips, “This is it. No ones gonna fuck you like i do, no ones gonna get inside that little head and play the games we play so well together.” 

One of his hands trails up your thigh, dipping his hand under the fabric of your leggings and pulling them slightly down, he pecks your lips, once, twice, three times. “Tell me”, he groans into your mouth, peeling your clothes off you slowly, “Tell me you understand, Tell me this is everything” 

And you tell him. Tell him through your whimpers when he parts the folds of your slick cunt with his fingers buried inside you. Tell him through your moans into his mouth when he shoves his jeans down and splits you open on his cock. Tell him through sighs of his name, when he rocks into you, licking into your mouth as he spears you open. Tell him through the way you claw your fingers down his back when starts to fuck you hard, rocking the car with the force of his thrusts. Tell him through the way you spread your legs, even wider, toes curling as he wrings orgasm after orgasm out of your tight little pussy milking him. 

“Its everything, you’re everything…” You cry out again and again, clutching onto him as he pumps you full of his cum, groaning brokenly into your neck. 

“Fuck”. He pulls back to look down at you, brushing your damp hair back from your face, still inside you. “You’re gonna fucking kill me, you little nerd” 

[bonky-n-steeb]

𝐵𝑅𝐸𝐴𝑇𝐻𝐸

𝙿𝙰𝚁𝚃 𝚃𝚆𝙾

𝘿𝘼𝙍𝙆!𝘽𝙐𝘾𝙆𝙔 𝘽𝘼𝙍𝙉𝙀𝙎 𝙭 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍 | 𝙈𝙊𝘽!𝙎𝙏𝙀𝙑𝙀 𝙍𝙊𝙂𝙀𝙍𝙎 𝙓 𝙍𝙀𝘼𝘿𝙀𝙍

𝗦𝗨𝗠𝗠𝗔𝗥𝗬:  Your life is as good as it gets. The perfect husband, the perfect daughter, the perfect job. But what you are unaware is that your husband is a deadly assassin and your long-lost friend, now a fearsome mob boss is hell bent on getting you back. But what you don’t know can't hurt you, right?

𝗪𝗔𝗥𝗡𝗜𝗡𝗚𝗦:  psychological disorder, PTSD, domestic abuse, yandere, obsession, violence, cursing. If you find any of this triggering please DNI. Also inform me if I left something out.

ᴛʜɪs ɪs ɴᴏᴛ ʙᴇᴛᴀ ʀᴇᴀᴅ, sᴏ ᴀʟʟ ᴍɪsᴛᴀᴋᴇs ᴀʀᴇ ᴍʏ ᴏᴡɴ

My previous account was deleted so I’ll be posting the stories again. I’ll be changing this one, so yeah.

Inform me if y’all wanna be tagged!

You stared at the ticking clock, counting the seconds for his return, while Iris played with her stuffed tiger that her dada had bought for her. Her father was finally coming home after serving for a really long time in the military. Bucky was everything you had wanted and more. 

Though you both had a small and cute wedding when you were way too young, it still was one of the best days of your life. Since the day you had met him, he had been hell bent on joining the army as he somehow felt the need to protect people after what had happened to his father. So, after serving his first term, while you were still a second-year graduate student, he had proposed and you had accepted without wasting a second.  

Soon you had found yourself pregnant, during your pregnancy, he had been there for your every beck and call. You still remembered his face when Iris was born; it was filled with such adoration and love, you knew you wouldn’t have to worry about anything. Iris was literally the female version of her dad, her cute nose, her lips and most importantly her blue eyes; her eyes had played a small role in naming her.

Having a kid and completing your medical residency had been tough, but whenever Bucky was home, he took care of all the housework and kept Iris busy for as long as possible. Just one thing which you didn’t like was all this time he spent away from home and the immense risk that came along with being on active duty. But he wasn’t just your Bucky, was he, he was Sgt. Barnes, too.  

But now as you sat staring at the clock, you feared that when he returned, Bucky wouldn't be the same man he was. While on duty, there had been an explosion and he had lost his arm. Hearing his voice on the phone was enough to tell you that he was broken. You were waiting to take him in your arms and tell him that it would be fine.

Just then the bell rang and you quickly got up and unlocked the door. And there he was, his eyes without their usual luster, filled with unshed tears. As Iris ran towards him, he quickly scooped her up in his right arm. “dada! I missed you s’much” she said kissing his face. You wondered whether she didn’t notice or was simply ignoring his missing arm after you gave her a little ‘talk’ about it. “I missed you too Rissie! I love you my little princess!” he said smothering her with kisses. “I'm a Queen!” she exclaimed. “Alright your majesty. Now may I enter your palace and meet my wife?” Iris pretended to think and then exclaimed a yes.  

“Hey, don’t cry” he said as he dropped Iris down. You hadn't even noticed that you were crying. You quickly wrapped him in your arms and he held you tight, fearing that you might slip away. You both didn’t speak for a long time, you were too busy being buried in each other's neck, but then you felt the moisture collect on your shoulder. As you let go, you realized his dam had broken and he was crying too.  

“I love you Bucky bunny” you said playfully. Somehow long back, you had come up with this nickname while watching Looney Tunes; your magnificent brain had somehow morphed Bugs Bunny into Bucky bunny. He pretended to hate it saying it sounded like some porn stars name, and therefore you teased him even more. “I love you too.” he replied staring deep into your soul.

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

As you both retired to your bedroom after ensuring Iris was fast asleep, you simply laid in bed without talking. Your hands were quietly exploring the same planes of his body you had travelled a million times over. You hesitated to touch his arm at first, fearing whether he was comfortable with it or not. But as you slowly began to trace the scars, he let out a long breath.  

You wished he didn’t have to suffer this; you wished all went to the way it was previously; you wished that his eyes shone just as brightly as they did before. But that didn’t mean you loved him any less now. Though throughout the day he pretended to be just fine, you knew he wasn’t even close to being fine.  

“Are you going to leave me?” he finally broke the silence. You couldn’t help but give him a confused expression, why would he ask that? “You don’t have to pretend. Not with me. Just say and I'll go. I don’t want to be a burden to you... ” you shut him up by kissing him. “I am not leaving you Buck. I’m gonna stick with you like an octopus.” you said chuckling. “Buck, we’ll go through everything and anything if we are together. I just want you to be happy. We'll make it work; we will find a way. And trust me when I say I love you more than anything.”

You spent the entire night, tangled in each other, telling him how much you loved and cherished him.

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

You were tired and your back was aching after performing a long surgery. As you opened the door, you were greeted with the smell if your favorite dish being cooked in the house. As you walked straight to the kitchen you were stunned to see Bucky somehow managing to cook with Iris sitting on the kitchen counter. Though the kitchen was a mess, you weren't going to complaint, all you could see was the blinding happiness on his face.

“Look who is back! Guess what mama bear?” Bucky said joyously. You wondered what was the reason behind his joy. “Daddy is gonna get his arm back!” Rissie exclaimed happily. This wasn’t news to you though. You had talked to Bucky about getting a prosthetic arm and he hadn't been half this excited. Seeing your confusion Bucky responded “Well, I got a call this morning. They are not only giving me my job back but giving me a cool new arm. I'll be on duty again!”  

You weren't sure whether to be happy or sad. You were euphoric about Bucky’s job and arm but at the same time you were worried for his life. “That’s amazing Buck!” you hugged him tightly as Iris slipped between you two. Your eyes were filled with happy tears. He was happy and that’s all that mattered right now.

☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎☮︎︎

FOUR YEARS LATER

You finally had a holiday from your hectic schedule as a surgeon. Iris was off to school and after some pushing you had persuaded Bucky to go get groceries. You wondered what had happened to Bucky. Something had changed after he got that arm, rather everything had changed. He wasn’t lively anymore, he got irritated at small things, stared off absently into space not responding to anything, he constantly looked behind his back, nor did he laugh at any of your jokes, you missed his laughter and that's what hurt you the most.  

Not to mention the horrid dead blank stare he gave you some days, intently looking at your every move like a predator, that thing scared the shit out of you. In the past two years not once you and Bucky had accepted Thor’s dinner invitations. You didn’t have many friends, you just had one, Thor. He was with you since your residency and you both worked together as trauma surgeons. Bucky and Thor had become quick friends too and the three of you went on many double dates. But that was a thing of the past. Now, whenever Thor invited you, Bucky simply came up with a stupid reason to not go. Bucky had become so closed off; he wasn’t the thoughtful and jolly Bucky you fell in love with.

Now that you finally had the house to yourself, you had decided to go on a cleaning spree. Currently you were in your bathroom; busy cleaning with your mop, when you accidentally slipped on some spilt soap water and ended up falling right beside the bathtub, your mop flew up and hit the ceiling tiles, thus displacing them. Suddenly a small diary fell right on your head. Placing your right hand on the ledge of the bath tub, you waited for everything to settle down and cursed loudly. “Fuck you, you goddamning son of a bitch! Everything had to fall on my head! Pathetic!”.  

You saw that you mop as now dangling on the bath tub and that stupid diary which had apparently fallen from heaven knows where was laying right beside you. As you looked up, you noticed the displaced tiles and realized that’s where this must have fallen from. As you picked up the diary you noticed there wasn't any dust on it, so there wasn't a chance that the previous owners might have left something in the false ceiling above. And it definitely wasn’t you, Iris was too small to keep something there; that only left Bucky. But why did he never mention this diary before. What exactly was he hiding?

As you opened the diary, you realized that you couldn’t understand a single word written. It felt as it was written in some highly complex code language. You were sure it wasn’t any language spoken everyday by sane humans. As you flipped through the pages you realized that every page was written in the same format. At the top was presumably some names written in the code and the rest was probably the information of that person.  

You wondered how did Bucky know this language? And why didn’t he ever tell you about anything, heck, he didn’t even mention it. And whose names had he written like it was the most confidential file? You got up and quickly closed the lid on the toilet and climbed up on it. You stuck your hand inside the hollow ceiling above to check if he was hiding something more.  

Your hand caught something and you pulled it out, only to realize it was a laptop. You wondered why he needed a second laptop when he already had one for work purposes in the home office. You took the laptop and the diary and sat down in the bathroom itself, so that if you when you would hear Bucky come you would simply put everything back up in the ceiling. You opened the laptop and saw it was password protected. You decided you would have two tries at unlocking the laptop and if you didn’t crack it, you would simply confront him.  

You first tried out typing Iris's name and her date of birth. But it was denied access. You thought for a minute more and entered your own name and your birthdate. And access was granted to you. You didn’t know whether to be happy that he had kept your name as his password or angry that he had been lying to you about whatever this was. As the laptop opened, you saw various files in it. You tapped on one and it seemed to open on a person’s resume. No, it wasn’t a resume, it was that person’s entire life history. It was like those files the assassins carried in movies with all the information about their target. You wondered what Jason Bourne shit this was.

As you read his name and saw the photos attached with it, you felt as if you had seen this person before. As you scrolled further, it finally clicked. A year before this person, who held a high position in the United Nations, was all over the news due to his untimely death caused by a heart attack. You had absolutely no interest in worldly matters, you already had a million problems on your head so you hadn't paid much attention and had not given a flying fuck. But now suddenly sweat was covering your forehead. You were worried sick as to why Bucky had all this information stored in a secret computer.

As you scrolled further, you almost reached the end of the file and that’s when you saw the video. With shaky hands you opened it. It seemed to be the security footage of that man’s bedroom and its resolution was pretty shitty. For the first few minutes all you saw was the man sleeping peacefully but as the video continued, you noticed it. The window in his room was slowly lifted as a man entered. He seemed to be dressed in tactical gear, his face was covered by a mask, but he was given away by one tell-tale sign. His arm. The metal arm with a red star on it glinted in the moonlight and you knew it was Bucky.

You watched as Bucky quietly walked towards the sleeping man. As he stood near the bed, he produced something from his pocket and bent down. As you strained your eyes, you saw that it was an injection. Your eyes widened as you clapped your hand around your mouth. That man hadn't died due to a heart attack, at least not natural. He was murdered by Bucky!

You opened another file, then another, they all were the same. In the beginning it was the information about the person, then a report as to how they died and then a video. All of them were well known figures; and all of them had been assassinated by Bucky. In one of the videos, you saw him choking the life out of a man with his metal arm and your mind wandered to the many times you would playfully tell him to choke you with the metal arm while fucking you; your hand unconsciously went to your throat at the thought.  

Then you opened a file titled: The Winter Soldier. That was weird you thought, the other files were given numbers but not names. As you opened the file, you realized it was Bucky’s own. Apparently, his codename was The Winter Soldier. Everything about him was stated in that file systematically. His background, his education, his military career and the worst of all, there were your and Iris’s photos too. As you continued to read, you realized he wasn’t working in the military anymore. Four years before, the people who had called him were from an organization named Hydra. The name and symbol itself sent chills down your spine. God, was Bucky so stupid, the octopus symbol itself screamed that Hydra was up to no good.

In the beginning, you couldn’t believe Bucky had gotten such a fancy and technological advanced arm. Looking at it you wondered how much it cost, the material and the functions would make it no less than a few million dollars. Now why would the government spend so much money on a sergeant, not that Bucky didn’t deserve it but you were curious.  

It felt as if he was hiding something from you. But you didn’t as ask as you knew he’d come around and tell you soon anyway. He needed time and you had plenty to give. But he never did. You had asked so many times whether the star was a tattoo of some sort and he had always deflected your questions. But now after reading this, you knew what all this was for. The arm, the pay raise, the irregular schedule, it was all Hydra. And Bucky was a professional assassin, and that too a deadly one.

Your eyes watered and bile rose to your throat as you saw a list, it was all the people he had killed, and the list was pretty big. You quickly placed the laptop besides you and began to puke your guts out in the toilet. In all the panic you failed to notice that a person was holding back your hair and soothingly rubbing your back.  

[spine-buster]

Patience is a Virtue ft. Matthew Tkachuk | 𝒥𝓊𝓈𝓉𝒾𝒸𝑒

CONTENT WARNING: this story deals with cults, polygamous cults, escaping cults, strict adherence to religion, gender roles, abuse, miscarriage, and a character with a traumatic past. T͟h͟i͟s͟ ͟c͟h͟a͟p͟t͟e͟r͟ ͟s͟p͟e͟c͟i͟f͟i͟c͟a͟l͟l͟y͟ ͟h͟a͟s͟ ͟m͟e͟n͟t͟i͟o͟n͟s͟ ͟a͟n͟d͟ ͟d͟e͟a͟l͟s͟ ͟w͟i͟t͟h͟ ͟m͟i͟s͟c͟a͟r͟r͟i͟a͟g͟e͟ ͟a͟n͟d͟ ͟s͟e͟x͟u͟a͟l͟ ͟a͟s͟s͟a͟u͟l͟t͟.͟  Please be warned.

Word Count: 14,637

Please consider donating to my Ko-Fi page if you are able.  Link in my bio & Masterlist.

A/N:  “Courage” officially broke my record for most notes on a debut chapter, so thank you all so much for all your likes and reblogs!  This chapter is more serious in parts, but we get to see an evolving Effie and an evoling Effie/Matthew dynamic.  Enjoy!

                                                           *     *     *     *     *

Effie.  Her name was Effie.  And everybody knew it.  

Rachel was no more.  Rachel was a thing of the past and she was going to stay there.  Rachel was a person who had been hurt and abused.  Rachel was named by an abusive, violent, cruel, despicable tyrant who called himself Abraham and proclaimed he was a prophet.  Rachel was a girl with no voice, no agency, nothing to call her own.  Rachel was a girl who belonged to someone.

Effie was new.  Effie was her chosen name and a thing of the future.  Effie was a person learning to come to terms with her trauma after years of hurt and abuse.  Effie was name by herself, for herself, to reclaim her identity after years of it being denied to her.  Effie was a girl with a voice, agency, and even though she could only count a few things as her own, they were just that – her own.  Effie was a girl who belonged to nobody but herself.  

That was how she liked it.  

Naming herself instilled a new sense of confidence within her.  It was small, and it was gradual, but the people around her could notice it.  Matthew knew he could.  She was more assertive…in her own way.  She didn’t ask “Can I ask you a question?” before asking questions anymore.  She just asked.  She was proud of her learning and was getting used to showing it off.  Her independence increased.  She’d walk to Starbucks to get her strawberry frappucinos instead of having Jenna drive her.  She engaged in more conversation.  She made jokes.  She laughed at jokes.  She went grocery shopping with Jenna and said “I want to buy corn dogs” so she and Jenna bought corn dogs and they had them for dinner one night.  She went to Levi and said “I want to get a phone so I can text Annica” and so he gave her an old iPhone he had in the house.  She asked Annica more about makeup, even though she was still a bit apprehensive about using it.  She asked Geneviève about words she’d read and wanted to know more about.  Feminism (that was the best word she learned, Effie thought.  She was a feminist).  Socialism.  Communism.  Democracy.  Geneviève explained them all to her.  She asked Geneviève about pants.

She wore pants.

It was weird at first, wearing pants.  She’d only ever worn skirts and dresses, even in the privacy of her own home when she was in the cult.  The prophet demanded it; women were not allowed to wear pants.  So when Jenna encouraged her to try on an old pair of jeans that she had, Effie did.  They were big – Effie was still, well, small, and gaining weight every day – but Effie liked them.  “Can I buy a pair of jeans?” she asked Jenna.  Jenna promised to take her shopping at the mall on the weekend.  It would be Effie’s first time in a mall. 

Effie wanted to be fearless, but there was still a lot of fear in her.  Everything was so new, and so big, and sometimes so complicated, and she wished things were easier but she knew they couldn’t be.  But instead of before, when she would let the fear overcome her, she embraced it instead.  She worked through it.  She did things in spite of the fear.  She did things because she didn’t want the fear in her anymore.

That’s why she found herself walking now.  Walking to Starbucks.  Well, not to Starbucks exactly, but to the complex that held the Starbucks and a bunch of other stores.  Effie had noticed one particular one a few storefronts down and had taken mental note of it for when she was ready for it.  And now, walking with purpose through Aspen Woods, clutching something very important in the pocket of her jacket, she was ready.  

“Chop it all off.”

“What?!” the hairdresser shrieked as she looked at Effie through the mirror, after putting a robe around her and running her hands through her long blonde hair.  “But your hair!  It’s healthy and it’s long and luscious and—and it would be a disservice if I chopped it all off!”

“Please.  I need you to cut it.  I need you to—”

“This is the greatest head of hair I’ve ever seen—”

“You don’t understand,” Effie interrupted.  “I escaped a cult.  I escaped The People’s Dominion of Christ.  This hair was never mine; it was always someone else’s.  I need you to cut it off so that it’s mine, so that something on my body is mine for once in my life.”

The hairdresser looked at Effie through the mirror, blinking a few times as she realized what Effie was saying.  Without saying another word, she reached over to her station and grabbed her scissors.  “How much do you want off?” she asked.

Effie unfolded the picture from one of Jenna’s old magazines that she had crumpled in her hand, showing the stylist.  “Like this,” she said.  “I don’t even want it touching my shoulders.”

The hairdresser nodded, placing the picture face up at her station so Effie could look at it as the hairdresser did her magic.  She took one last look at it before tying an elastic loosely around the hair.  “Ready?” she asked, gripping it.

Effie nodded firmly.  “Ready.”

***

Effie had six numbers stored on her phone.  Levi.  Jenna.  Annica.  Geneviève.  Jacob Markstrom.  Matthew Tkachuk.  

“Hello?” he asked as he picked up his phone.  

His voice was a welcome sound to Effie, who was nervous but excited as she looked at herself in the mirror.  “Matthew?  I’m—I’m sorry to bother you, but can you come pick me up?”

“I—yeah—is everything okay?” his voice sounded immediately worried.  “Where are you?”

Effie didn’t even know.  She covered the receiver with her hand and turned towards the hairstylist.  “What’s the address?”

“225 Mercer Street, Unit 13.”

“225 Mercer Street, Unit 13,” she repeated into the phone.

Matthew was officially confused.  “The Starbucks complex?”

“Yes…but a few stores down,” Effie informed him.

“I’ll be there in like, five minutes.”

***

Matthew was nervous.  Effie hadn’t sounded nervous on the phone, but he was still nervous.  It was out of the ordinary for her to call him to pick her up from anywhere, let alone from a place where she knew how to get home from now that she took the initiative to walk most places she wanted to go.  It wasn’t like he was going to deny her – he was speeding through the streets, if he was being completely honest – but the thoughts in his mind were running a mile a minute, and he had no clue what to expect.  

When he pulled into the complex, he searched for unit 13 and parked right in front of it.  It was only when he turned off his car that he actually saw the name of the store he’d parked in front of.  Abigail’s Hair Salon.

Matthew walked in.

He stopped dead in his tracks.  In front of him, Effie stood sheepishly, her long, flowing blonde hair chopped off almost completely, and in its place, a chic blonde bob, perfectly styled and perfectly her.  She had a t-shirt, baggy skinny jeans, and old Doc Martens on – no doubt all borrowed from Jenna – and she looked like a vision.  He couldn’t help the smile that overtook his face.  “Effie,” he said her name bashfully, breathlessly, because it was so much to take in and she just looked so…cute.  

“Does it look nice?” she asked, patting it down at the sides.  

“It looks great, Effie,” Matthew said, and she could tell he meant it sincerely.  He bit his bottom lip before continuing his line of questioning, even though all he wanted to do was look at her.  “You wanted it this short?”

Effie nodded her head.  

“It suits you,” he nodded.  “Did you pay?”  Effie nodded her head.  “Did you tip?”

Effie looked scared for a moment.  “Tip?”

Matthew automatically took out his wallet and pulled a $50 from inside, giving it to the hairstylist.  He turned to Effie without another word.  “Wanna grab some lunch?”

“You—you’re not busy?  I thought you would just drive me home.”

“Let’s grab lunch,” he said casually, like it was no big deal.  “Grab your jacket.  What do you feel like eating?”

***

Matthew watched Effie for most of the meal, if he was being honest.  He couldn’t keep his eyes off of her regardless of how hard he tried.  But he kept any emotions or any feelings at bay, kicking himself for anything he was feeling that was…questionable.  He didn’t want to be that guy.  He didn’t want to make things more complicated for her when she was already learning so much, when the world was already a complicated place for her and she was trying to find her place in it.  

“What team does your brother play for?” Effie asked, picking at her plate left with all her fries.  She ate her bacon cheeseburger first and devoured it in less than ten minutes.  For Matthew, it was impressive.  He knew she was trying to gain weight.  He shuddered to think what she looked like a year ago.  

“The Ottawa Senators,” he replied.

“In the capital city,” she said, and Matthew nodded his head.  “You must be very thankful that he’s in Canada with you.  What about your sister?”

“She plays field hockey at the University of Virginia.”

Matthew watched as Effie furrowed her brows.  “She can play sports and go to university?  That’s a thing?” she asked.

“Yeah,” Matthew smiled, chuckling slightly.  “She’s a great field hockey player.  She committed to the school when she was a junior – when she was sixteen – and now she’s finally on campus.  She’s going to school too, obviously.  That’s the most important thing.  But she’s also playing Division 1 field hockey.”

Effie nodded her head, considering all the things Matthew had just said.  Women could go to university – she knew that now thanks to Jenna and Geneviève.  But…women could play sports and go to university?  Women could play sports for their university?  That was new information.  Effie thought about girls playing hockey and whether or not they could do the same thing.  She thought to Levi watching Toronto Raptors games at home and wondering if women could do the same thing with basketball.  She had not been allowed to play sports.  Anything more than running, women were not allowed to do.  Taryn had been sixteen and had committed to play field hockey for a university.  When Effie was sixteen, she was definitely not doing that.  “Your sister is very lucky,” she said softly.  “To be able to do that.  She’s very lucky.”

Matthew knew there was weight behind those words.  They weren’t to be taken lightly.  He could only imagine what Effie was up to when she was sixteen years old as opposed to Taryn.  “She knows,” Matthew said.  “Taryn’s a really smart girl.  She knows she’s really lucky.”

“It’s kind of nice how in the normal world, women can go to university, and get an education, and play sports, and do whatever they want, and wait to have their children,” Effie said.

Matthew shrugged.  “If they even want kids at all.  I know some of my friends back home don’t want them.  Nobody says women have to have them,” he said it like a throwaway comment, looking down at his plate to grab a fry and dip it in some ketchup.

Silence.  Pure silence from Effie.  He stuck his fry in his mouth and noticed how quiet it got and he looked up with half the fry in his mouth and half the fry still between his fingers, like a dumbass, only to see Effie staring at him with a blank look on her face.  When he looked closer, he saw her eyes were glossy.  He gulped.  “Wh…What do you mean that women don’t have to have children?” she asked.

Matthew chose his words carefully.  He should have known.  He should have fucking known, but he just had to go open his big mouth.  Now, he realized the words he was about to say would change Effie’s perception of things dramatically.  The last thing he intended was for the conversation to swerve in a direction like this, but they were here now, and he had to live with it.  Own up to his actions.  Be the person he promised himself he would be around her.  “So, like…women in modern society have the choice.  They can choose not to have children.  Some women don’t want to become mothers.  It’s a personal choice.  And nowadays, women don’t feel as pressured to have families.  Like, maybe they want to pursue a career instead, but it’s not even that.  You can just…not want children.”

Effie had heard the word of God her entire life.  It was the first thing she remembered; it was her earliest memory.  Some days – on bad days – it was her only memory, the thing that haunted her most at night, and she’d toss and turn in her bed to try and get the rolls and rolls of scripture out of her head.  Be fruitful and multiply.  Be fruitful and multiply.  Be fruitful and multiply.  But this – what Matthew was telling her – this was not the word of God.  This was something else.  This went against everything she knew.  This went against everything she was brought up to believe.  “Oh, okay,” she whispered.  

Matthew could tell he had just said something to Effie that rocked her foundation.  And then he thought to himself ‘Of course this would be happening.  Everything is new for her.’   The modern world was completely alien to her.  She didn’t know anything.  No women’s liberation.  No women’s rights.  No individuality.  Voting.  Elections.  Doctors.  Hospitals.  Jeans.  T-shirts.  Wearing her hair however she wanted.  Makeup.  Cell phones.  Instagram.  Twitter.  Snapchat.  Hockey – literally the most unimportant thing at this point.  She was learning, and making great progress, but things like this – these big ideas – still shook her to her core.  They went against everything she knew and everything she was brought up to believe.  It wasn’t easy for any person to have their foundation cracked; Matthew knew it would be even harder for her.

“Can you excuse me for a second?” Effie said suddenly, not bothering to hear an answer from Matthew before she pushed her chair back and stood up from the table, escaping back into the restaurant.  

Matthew felt like there was cement in his feet as he replayed the moment over and over in his mind, the sight of Effie’s glossy eyes realizing children were optional in the real world burning itself into his mind forever.  God, to find out this way – over bacon cheeseburgers at some restaurant and not in a safe space where she felt comfortable.  To have it be him, a man, that told her this instead of someone like Jenna, or Geneviève, who had been teaching her everything.  He was an idiot.  He was such an idiot.

A jolt of electricity struck through his body and finally jolted him out of his seat, his legs making him run towards the back of the restaurant near the washrooms where he knew Effie went.  “Effie?  Effie?” he called out as he opened the door to the women’s washroom.

When he stepped inside, he saw Effie huddled in a heap on the floor, her knees to her chest as tears flowed down her face.  Her skin was red and blotchy and he could see her chest heaving up and down.  “Effie—” he bent down to be at eye level with her.

“I need you to take me home.”

“Effie—” he reached out to touch her.

The second – the millisecond, the nanosecond – that Effie felt his touch for the first time, her entire body flinched so violently away from him that it scared him.  Matthew recoiled his hand quickly as his breath caught in his throat.  “I’m sorry—I’msosorry—I’m so sorry—” he stuttered out.  

She was silent as she looked at him for a moment through her tears.  There was a look of pure fear in her eyes that Matthew hadn’t seen before, not even the first time he met her at Noah’s birthday at the steakhouse.  “What if women can’t have children?” she asked, her voice so small and frail that it broke Matthew’s heart.

He struggled to find the words because it was such a simple concept for him but such a complicated one for her.  “That’s…that’s not their fault,” he said calmly, but the tone of obviousness was still apparent.  

“What do you mean it’s not their fault?” Effie’s tone was incredulous, like a seven-year-old child learning prematurely that there was no Santa Claus.

“It’s not their fault, Effie,” he reiterated, not knowing how else to explain it.  “I…it’s not their fault.  It can be a medical thing.  I mean most of the time it is, if they can’t have children.  And it’s not their fault,” he just kept repeating it.

“What if…what if women don’t want to have children, but can?  Are…are they punished?” she asked.

“Why would they be punished?  No,” he shook his head.

“Matthew…” she was apprehensive.  “Are you telling the truth?”

“I wouldn’t lie to you Effie,” he said softly, wanting so desperately to just reach out and touch her, hug her, but knowing that if he did, he’d just inflict more fear in her.  “I know it’s not what you’re used to, but it’s the truth.  Some women can’t have children, and some of them don’t want children, and both of those things are perfectly okay.”  He watched as the tears streamed down her face as she stared him in the eye.  Shaking.  

Then it finally hit him like a ton of bricks.  

“Effie…” he said uneasily.

“There were seven.”

The words hung in the air for an unknown amount of time.  It could have been years for all Matthew knew.  But as he stared into Effie’s eyes, he felt an incredible pain in his heart; a pain reserved only for her, that only she could give him.  He thought of how she kept all her own pain inside her constantly, how the trauma was a part of her just as her hair, her fingers, her toes were.  She carried this with her every single day.  Every.  Single.  Day.

“It’s not your fault, Effie,” he whispered.  He knew better than to try to reach out and touch her again.  So he settled on words, because words were his best option.  “It’s not your fault.”

***

“Did you really think you’d be able to come to a therapist’s office and think you’d be able to discuss a patient?”

Matthew stared at Dr. Jessica Barlow sitting across from him – her seated on her plush chair, him sitting on the couch he was sure all her patients sat on – and he didn’t really appreciate her tone of voice.  So maybe it wasn’t the most flawless plan.  Maybe there were holes.  But he was there, damnit, and there for a good reason.  The best reason.  She was the best psychotherapist that specialized in cults in Alberta – probably in western Canada, judging by how many degrees and certificates and awards she had displayed in her office.  She was the best and most qualified person to help Effie, surely, which is why Effie met with her three times a week.  That meant she was also the best and most qualified person to help Matthew.

“Maybe,” he mumbled out.  Matthew would have been intimidated, but for some reason, he wasn’t.  Even considering they were alone in her office, even considering he’d never met or been to a therapist before, he wasn’t nervous or intimidated.  He was determined.  “I need you tell me what I need to do.  Tell me.  Tell me and I’ll do it.”

“For who?”

“Effie Schaffer.”

Dr. Barlow looked incredulous, like a mix between seeing a ghost and not believing the words that were coming out of Matthew’s mouth.  But then he watched as her face softened slightly, and turn inquisitive instead of suspicious.  “You’re Matthew,” she said, framing it as a statement more than a question.

He knew what that meant.  “Effie’s told you about me?” he asked.

It was a lost cause – he knew that the second the question left his lips, because he knew Dr. Barlow wouldn’t tell him a word.  Doctor-patient confidentiality and all that.  If dentists couldn’t even talk about their patients, there was no way in hell a psychotherapist who worked with cult survivors would say a peep about anything.  “Effie’s opened up to you quite a bit, hasn’t she?”

Matthew leaned in.  “Yes.  That’s why I need you to help me.  I want – I need to know how to help her.”

“Matthew,” Dr. Barlow took off her glasses.  “First you need to tell me why you want to do this,” she said matter-of-factly.  

Matthew didn’t want this to become a session.  It wasn’t about him; it was about Effie.  “I’ve just become her friend, and I’ve been spending a lot of time with her lately, and—and I just want to know what I can do to help her get even better.”

“Because you’re her friend.”

“Yes.”

“Because you care about her.”

“Well, yes.  I wouldn’t be here if I didn’t care about her in any capacity.”

Dr. Barlow paused.  “It’s not that simple, Mr. Tkachuk—”

“Why not?” he asked, interrupting her.  “She’s leaps and bounds better than when she escaped!  At least according to her brother!” he defended himself.  “Listen, I know it hasn’t been a long time that I’ve known her but I – damnit, I can help her.  I can help her but I don’t want to hurt her – I never want that to happen ever again, even if it’s by accident, and you need to tell me.  You need to tell me how I can do that so I can actually do it.”

Dr. Barlow stayed silent.  “You’ve already been incredibly patient with her,” she chose her words wisely.  Matthew could read between the lines.  So maybe Effie spoke about him more than he initially thought.  “We should just leave it at that.  I appreciate the effort, but—"

“She told me how there were seven,” he said, his voice steady and calm but firm and resolute.  When he looked up at Dr. Barlow, she was staring back at him with a stoic yet shocked look on her face.  “She told me there were seven, and when I tried to—to console her, to touch her, the way her body jumped away from mine…I…” he trailed off.  He rubbed his fingers against his lips nervously.

“So then you know and realize that Effie was a member of a religious cult where she was routinely raped by its leader so he could impregnate her with the son of God for almost five years.”

It was the first time the word had been said out loud.  He didn’t want to repeat it.  He wanted it burned from his memory, from Effie’s memory, from the dictionary, everywhere.  He knew it happened but he didn’t want to admit it to himself.  Saying the word out loud made it different; it made it real.  It made him acutely aware of the trauma Effie had been through, and how she didn’t deserve any of it, yet she was burdened with it for the rest of her life.  He was biting down on his bottom lip so hard he thought he’d draw blood.  “Yes,” he said curtly.  “I realize.”

“I know how close – relatively – you and Effie have gotten ever since you were introduced.  Her progress has increased dramatically since it,” Dr. Barlow began, again choosing her words wisely.  “I know everything you two talk about on your Starbucks dates.  I know you introduced her to candy and watched Little Women with her.  Matthew – I’m not telling you this because I’m making some point that Effie tattles and tells me everything about her relationship with you.  I’m telling you this because you’ve already been doing what you need to do.  You didn’t need to come here and ask me for specifics.”

“But I don’t want to hurt her,” Matthew said, his voice barely above a whisper.  “What happened that day when she told me and when—when I tried to touch her…”

“It might take a while for her body not to seize up anytime a man touches her,” Dr. Barlow said.  “That doesn’t mean she’s not making progress.  It’s the mental progress we want to see.  And it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong, either.  Just give her time, Matthew.  Exercise patience with her.”

***

The next time Matthew saw Effie, she didn’t know he was coming.  But he called Levi and made sure it was okay, and so when he descended down the stairs into the basement and saw Effie’s bedroom door opened, he took a deep breath.  He collected himself.  And he moved forward.  He knew he didn’t have to do this – any outsider would have said that – but he knew he needed to do it.  He needed to make it right.

“Effie?” he knocked lightly on her door before stepping into the door frame, finding her sitting at her desk reading something.  

She turned her head to look at him and a smile appeared on her face.  It felt like a weight had been lifted off his shoulders to see her smiling.  He didn’t exactly think she’d be cradled in a corner crying, but he did think that maybe she wouldn’t be happy to see him.  It was a relief.  “Hi Matthew.”

“Can I come in?” he asked.

“Of course,” she nodded, pushing her desk chair out as he walked in slowly.  “How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been okay…” he said, biting down on his bottom lip nervously.  “How—I mean, have you been okay since that day?”

He saw something flash behind her eyes – a memory of the tears, the feeling, the questions.  He knew he relived it every other minute since it happened because he felt so guilty about it.  He wondered if Effie relived it every moment too and whether or not it brought her constant pain.  Matthew would never forgive himself if it did.  “I’ve been good.  Learned a lot, as you can imagine,” she joked slightly.  “I read up on what we talked about.  Geneviève helped me.”

“So you know it’s a thing now.”

Effie nodded.  “It made me realize I never want children.”

Matthew should have been shocked by that statement, but he wasn’t.  Knowing what Effie had been through, he understood why she wouldn’t want them.  It was her choice to make and hers only, and nobody could or should influence her otherwise.  “That’s good.  Good that you can…you know, say that out loud.  That you’re not forced into something you don’t want anymore.”

Effie nodded her head.  “I knew it all along.  I mean, children are a blessing, but they’re not for me.  And knowing the way I was brought up, with abuse and no loving parenting from my parents or from anyone around me, I don’t want to pass that legacy on.  I’m too scared to fall back into that.  I’d have no idea how to raise a child.  I know that now,” she said, watching as Matthew walked further into the room and lean back slightly on her desk.  She looked up at him.  There was a moment of silence between them as they were just there, staring at each other in her bedroom.  Effie tried not to get lost in his blue eyes.  She wondered if he could see past her calm exterior.  “I’m sorry that I flinched away from you that day,” she said quietly.  

“I should be the one apologizing—”

“No,” she said as sternly as she could, getting him to stop.  “You don’t have to apologize for anything.  You didn’t hurt me that day, so don’t think you did.  I just…I get apprehensive about touch, because we weren’t allowed to, and because once I finally was, it wasn’t…nice,” she revealed, knowing he’d get the point.  “But I know that your touch is nice.”

“How do you know?” Matthew asked.

“Because you’re a nice person.”

She took it upon herself to look at his hands.  They were on either side of his body, gripping her desk just in case it collapsed under his weight or something – who knows.  But they were there, exposed, for her to look at.  They were big – bigger than Abraham’s – and younger, of course, rougher around the edges due to hockey but still better than the only other pair of hands she’d had experience with.

He caught her looking.  Slowly, almost painstakingly slowly, he brought his right hand up and opened it, palm facing her, fingers pointing up towards the sky.  He watched as Effie brought her hand up too, even slower than he had, opening it up and facing her palm towards his.  There were a few moments where she was stagnant, thinking about how this was the first time she was going to touch a man other than her predator fake husband or her brother.  Then she moved her hand closer.  Closer.  Closer.

When she finally touched Matthew – when she finally touched him – a million electric bolts ran through her body.  The feeling of his skin on hers, his delicate yet rough touch as she pressed her small hand into his large one so she could feel his entire hand on her hand – it was unlike anything she’d ever felt before.  The simplest action gave her the most surreal feeling.  There were no words for it.  No words, in fact, because all she could do was smile.  A big, wide smile, spanning from ear to ear as she kept her hand against his.

Matthew smiled too.  

***

“This was a very quick progression from ‘Can women get tattoos?’ to ‘I’m getting a tattoo’, you know,” Geneviève laughed as she and Annica watched Effie take a seat in the tattooist’s chair.  The tattoo artist, a young woman with sleeves of her own, was preparing everything appropriately as the women chatted.  “The turnover rate was, what, a week?”

“Less,” Annica giggled.  

“When I went to the orthodontist’s when I was ten, I saw a man there with his entire arm covered in tattoos.  I was so scared I started crying.  I asked the prophet about it when I got back to Sheerness and he said they were marks of sinners and that the devil influenced them,” Effie laughed along with them.  “But I see them on people at Starbucks all the time.  I think they look really nice.”

“And you’re absolutely sure you want what you’ve requested?  You’re not gonna regret it, right?” Annica wanted to make sure Effie was making the right decision.

Effie nodded her head emphatically.  “Definitely.  Definitely.”

“What is it?  Can we see it?” Geneviève asked.  

Effie shook her head.  “I want it to be a surprise,” she said, biting her lip.  “You guys don’t think I’m crazy, do you?  Doing this to my body?”

“Absolutely not,” Geneviève replied automatically, her tone telling Effie that the notion was absurd.  It was nice for Effie to know that the two women in front of her would never judge her.  It was nice to know a woman could be supported in her decisions, and not be told it would make God angry and that she was sinning and going against the prophet.  “It’s your body, remember?  Your body, your choice.”

Effie nodded after a moment.  “My body, my choice.”

***

“It’s still a bit red and itchy.  Annica said I need to put an elastic around my wrist and snap it whenever I want to itch it,” Effie said, her voice filled with excitement but a certain anxiousness that was characteristic to her.  

“It’s alright.  Just show me,” Matthew smiled as he watched her roll up the sleeve of her cardigan.  When she finally did, and stretched out her arm, Matthew’s mouth gaped open.  “It’s huge!” he exclaimed, definitely not expecting it to be that big.  He thought Effie would get a dainty tattoo; something small.  He didn’t exactly think she’d have a “go big or go home” attitude about a tattoo – something on her body forever.  But it was big.  It took up at least two-thirds of her forearm.  The linework and shading were impeccable; the detail exquisite.  It was made up of flowers – he didn’t know what kind – but they were big and small, all sizes really, and there were a few leaves, a few stems, and it just looked so beautiful.  He brought his hand up to touch, but stopped himself.  “Can I?” he asked.

Effie nodded.  “You can touch me,” she said, preparing herself.

Matthew brought his hand up slowly.  He touched her arm, grazing his fingertips over the linework delicately.  It was still bumpy, a testament to how new it was.  “It looks amazing, Effie,” he whispered, his fingers still grazing delicately.  

“You haven’t even seen the best part yet.”

“The best part?” he arched his eyebrow.  What could be better than this?

She turned her arm over, palm facing up, where another large flower was tattooed on her skin.  Matthew noticed some handwriting along the flower, and he leaned his head down to read it.  ‘I am mine before I am anyone else’s’.

Matthew smiled from ear to ear.  “Effie,” he whispered bashfully, just like he had when he saw that she cut her hair short for the first time.  He was so bashful because he was so happy to be seeing her making her own decisions for once in her life.  “Do you love it?” he asked.

She nodded enthusiastically.  “I love it so much.  It’s mine.  It’s mine.”

***

“Did Jenna make these?” Matthew asked Levi once he was done with his stretches, noticing a giant Tupperware filled with some sort of cookies.  Matthew had seen some of the other guys in the locker room with them and decided to investigate.  He took a massive bite of one and his entire mouth watered.  In that short moment, he was sure he’d never had a cookie so good in his life.  “These are phenomenal,” he said with a full mouth.

“Nah, Jenna’s not a baker,” Levi shook his head.  “Effie made those.”

Matthew’s brows rose.  He gulped the bite of the cookie down.  “Effie?  Effie bakes?”

Levi smirked, side-eyeing him.  “Effie knows how to make and churn butter from scratch.  She had to learn in the cult.  She knows how to bake and cook a lot of things because she had to be a traditional wife.  But she enjoys baking the most.  Baking is what brings her the most joy, so she’s started baking again.”

Matthew nodded nonchalantly.  “She can bake all kinds of stuff then?”

“Bread, sweet stuff…yeah, pretty much,” he said.  “She actually…well, she’s trying to find a job where she can put it to good use, since she actually likes doing it.”

“Effie’s getting a job?!” Matthew exclaimed, louder than he intended.  Levi could only chuckle.  Matthew felt the need to cover.  “Where?  What—where?  What’s she gonna do?  How is she—I mean, why?”

“She’s gotta support herself, doesn’t she?  If she wants to move out, or earn her own money—”

“Effie’s moving out?!”

“She’s not moving out tomorrow, Matthew, but she’s going to be moving out soon.”

This was all news to Matthew, of course.  He tried to play it cool, calming himself down and not making a big deal out of it – well, more than he already had.  The fact that Levi, Jenna, and Effie were discussing jobs and moving out had absolutely nothing to do with him.  He was just on the outside.  He didn’t need to be part of the decision making at all…at all.  But he still got nervous.  Effie was still learning about a lot.  And ultimately, at the end of the day, he wanted her to be safe.  A safe job.  A safe apartment.  “Where’s she looking?”

“There’s a cute little hipster coffee shop in the downtown core she has an interview with,” Levi informed him.  “If she gets the job, and if she enrols in the online business certificate program Geneviève recommended to her, I promised to pay three months worth of rent until she can pay it on her own.  She’d earn enough from minimum wage and tips for sure, especially downtown.”

Hipster coffee shop.  Online business certificate.  New apartment.  There was so much new information coming at Matthew that he didn’t know how to process it all.  He was happy for Effie – he was – and he wished her only the best, but it was still a lot.  “Well…when you need help moving, call me and we could put these muscles to work,” he said, flexing his arm for dramatic effect, trying to hide the fact that he so obviously cared, and miserably failing to hide that fact to Levi.

Levi let out a haughty laugh.  “I’ll be sure to mention it.”

***

Matthew downed a shot of tequila – the good tequila – and smashed his shot glass down on the bar as the smooth liquid coated his throat and made his stomach burn.  Noah let out a loud ‘Wooooo!’ and Sean, ever the dumbass, choked on it as it went down.  Matthew almost spit up the shot out of laughter watching Sean struggle to swallow it, picking up his glass of whisky the bartender had just poured.  “You’re already wrecked, buddy,” Matthew chastised him as he got control of his coughs.  “You’re embarrassing.”

“Shut the fuck up,” Sean sneered.  “We all know you’re trying to get all your alcohol in before Effie gets here.”

Matthew chuckled.  “Fat chance of that happening.  Effie’s not coming.”

Sean rolled his eyes.  “Well, either I’m high or you’re wrong, because she just walked in the door.”

Matthew’s back stiffened as he whipped his head around to look through the crowd of people.  Sure enough, he could see Effie raising her hand to chest level so the bouncer at the door could stamp her hand.  Noah made a noise that sounded like a seagull and Sean let out a chuckle and a muffled “Dude owes me a fucking drink for that one”.  Before Matthew’s legs could move him forward, he noticed Meredith approach Effie; she hugged her and Effie allowed Meredith to grab her hand so she could guide her through the crowd and into their spot at the back of the lounge.  The music was loud and the floor felt like it was vibrating but it was nothing compared to the beat of Matthew’s heart.

Fuck.

When Meredith and Effie finally made their way through, he saw that Effie was wearing Jenna’s ballet flats, skinny jeans that were still a bit big, and a sequined top that fit so big any other girls in the club would have probably worn it as a dress.  He could feel the whisky burning his stomach and the hairs on the back of his neck stand on end.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK.

“Effiiiiiiiiiieeeeeeeeee!!!!!” Claudia squealed once she noticed her, sauntering over to her in her high heels and bending down to hug her.  “You made it!  I’m sooooo happy!” she continued squealing.  Matthew wondered if Effie noticed that Claudia was already drunk.  “Is this your first time in a place like this?”

“Yeah,” Effie nodded her head nervously.  “I’m sorry—I—I know I wasn’t supposed to be here and I said no, but—”

“Are you kidding?  The more the merrier!  Let me take you to Andrew so you can say happy birthday!”

Matthew watched as Claudia led her to Andrew, tapping him on the shoulder to reveal Effie.  Andrew was happy to see her, and – knowing better than to go in for a hug – politely held his hand against his heart when she wished him a happy birthday.  None of the guys on the team had ever touched her – well, except Matthew.  He seemed to be the exception to a lot of things regarding Effie, and he was proud of that.  He didn’t want anyone else touching her, even if they were his teammates.

Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

“You came alone?” Andrew asked her.  Effie nodded.  “We’ll have to find you Matthew then.  He’d kill us if we didn’t tell him you were here.”

Matthew didn’t know what Andrew was saying – the music was too loud, and he couldn’t read lips – but the cement in his legs finally dissolved and he found himself walking over to them, wanting to make his presence known at that very moment.  When Effie saw him, he could swear her face lit up.  “Fancy seeing you here, Effie,” he smiled, holding his glass of whisky near his chest.

She went in for a hug.

Matthew was so shocked he almost didn’t hug her back.  Even Andrew was looking at them like he’d just seen a monkey perform a magic trick.  Matthew draped both arms around her and hugged her back, making sure not to spill his whisky all over her.  He tried not to let it seem like he was shocked – hugs should be a normal thing for Effie, he thought – so when she pulled away, he was already smiling down at her.  “What brought you here?”

“I wanted to see what these places are like,” she said when she pulled away.  She took a look down at his drink.  “Is that iced tea?”

“Whiskey.”

She looked around at everyone else, noticing they were all holding glasses with drinks in them too.  “Is everybody drinking alcohol?”

“Pretty much,” Matthew giggled out.

“I’ve never drunk alcohol before,” she revealed.

“Do you want to try some?”

“No,” she shook her head.  “I’m not ready.”

“That’s okay.  Do you want something to drink, then?  Some water?  I’m sure the bar can make you a virgin drink if you ask for it.”

“A virgin drink?”

“Virgin means no alcohol,” Matthew covered quickly.  “They’ll make you whatever you want.”

Matthew watched as Effie considered it, looking over to the bar before she shook her head.  “I’m not thirsty yet.  I’ll go when I’m thirsty.”

***

Effie didn’t dance.  She didn’t drink.  All she did was look.

By looking, she was learning.  She watched how people interacted with one another in this type of setting and she internalized it.  She watched girls approach the bar and get served by the bartender.  She watched as guys flirted with them and bought them drinks.  She watched people take shots and then ask for another.  She watched people get handsy, with touches on hips and lower backs and arms the most popular spots she saw men putting their hands on women.  She watched people drag one another towards the dance floor.  She watched kisses being placed on necks and shoulders and lips, tongues dragging across, shocked that people would be doing so out in the open.  She watched girls raise their drinks in the air and kick their leg up as they posed for photos with their friends.  She watched girls move their hips seductively.  She watched guys getting their bodies as close to them as possible.  

“What are they doing?” she asked Matthew as she watched them dancing like a hawk.

“Uh…it’s called grinding.”

She’d talk, and ask questions, and Matthew was beside her the entire time answering her questions and milking his whisky, not caring that he wasn’t partying with Andrew or with the other boys, because when Effie was around, he was all about Effie – nobody else mattered.  He’d stay with her until last call if she wanted to stay that late.  He’d already resolved that he’d be going home when she was going home because he needed to make sure she got back to Aspen Woods safe, and also because there was no reason to be at the club when Effie was gone.

Did he hear himself?  Did he really just say there was no reason to be at a club full of beautiful girls during his friend’s birthday?

Fuck.  

Noah, Sean, and Johnny ended up coming back to the booth for some water.  Johnny made eyes at Matthew and Matthew subtly gave him the finger; Effie didn’t notice because she was looking over at the bar.  “I’m thirsty.  I’m going to go get a drink.”

“Let me go for y—”

“No,” she said sternly as Matthew was about to get up, standing up herself and holding her hand out.  “I’ve watched.  I know what I need to do.  I can go.”

Matthew gulped.  He didn’t want to deny her independence but he didn’t want her to go alone. “Are you sure?” he asked.  She nodded, and Matthew had to let her go.  And all he did was look.

***

Effie approached the bar slowly, trying not to get shoved around by people crowding around the bar.  It was much busier actually being in the crowd than just looking at it, and Effie was almost regretting her decision.  She’s never been in a place with so many people.  Well, that was a lie, maybe – church was always busy, obviously, especially the church for the People’s Dominion.  Sundays were the worst.  But there were definitely not this many young people congregated in one place.  Effie knew this is what young people did in the normal world – Geneviève told her so.  It was one thing to know about it, to be apart from it in a different area and watch; it was something completely different, actually being in it.  

She made her way to right behind a few people at the bar – some scantily clad girls with some really pretty dresses on.  Effie admired their beauty.  They had beautiful long eyelashes and their lips were red and berry-coloured.  Their skin was flawless and tanned – weird for April in Calgary, but tanned nonetheless.  Effie wondered if they were wearing makeup, and wondered whether or not she’d ever wear makeup herself.  When they got their drinks, they began to move.  One of them noticed Effie behind them and gave her a quick up-down.  “Take our place, sweetie,” she said, letting Effie move into their place before she watched them make their way through the crowd and back onto the dance floor.

After watching, she knew now she had to get the attention of one of the bartenders.  Every single one of them was busy pouring drinks.  She watched as a couple of men on the opposite end of the bar raised their hands and the bartenders went over to them, so she decided to do the same.  After a few minutes, a bartender came.  “What can I get you?”

“Um, water please.”

“You driving tonight, darling?”

Effie shook her head.  “I don’t drive.  I just don’t drink alcohol.”

“Do you want anything more exciting?  I mean I can at least get you ginger ale or a coke.”

Effie didn’t like coke – she thought it was too sweet – but when he mentioned ginger ale, she reconsidered.  “Okay.  Ginger ale is good.”

The bartender nodded, grabbing a glass and filling it with ice before getting the drink gun.  “Do you have a tab going?”

What was a tab?  Effie shook her head.  “What’s a tab?”

The bartender looked at her skeptically.  “How are you paying, darling?  Are you with a party?”

“Oh!  I’m here for Andrew’s party!  Andrew Mangiapane.”

“Got it,” the bartender winked.  “Here you go, darling.  Enjoy.”

Effie grabbed the drink and took a sip out of the straw.  It was nice and cold, just the way she liked it.  Just as she was about to leave and go back to Matthew, a big body slipped into the empty space beside her.  A man – a very large man, it seemed, though she was so small that every man looked large to her – took up all the space.  He was looking down at her with a very, very amused expression on his face.  “Ginger ale, girl?” he mocked her.

Effie couldn’t tell.  “What’s wrong with ginger ale?”

“You’re gonna come out to a bar looking like a walking felon and order ginger ale?” he pressed, winking at her.

“A walking felon?” she repeating.  She didn’t have a clue what he was talking about.

“Let me buy you a drink,” he said.  “A real drink.”

“I don’t drink.”

“Wanna start?”

“No,” she said firmly.

“That’s fine.  I can think of better things we can get up to than drinking, anyways,” he smiled.

Effie furrowed her brows.  “Like what?”

The guy smiled, and it was creepy, and she finally saw behind his eyes every thought and every intention he currently had.  “Let me show you,” he said, and Effie saw, out of the corner of her eye, that he was bringing his hand up to touch her.  At the same time, he was leaning his head down.

“HEY!” a loud voice boomed, and Effie immediately recognized it as Matthew’s.  Before she could even see him or realize where he was coming from, he squeezed his way in between him and the man.  Matthew’s hands were now on her body instead, the man’s hand nowhere near her.  “Get the fuck out of here, buddy.”

“Who the fuck are you?”

“You touch her one more time and you’re fucking dead,” Matthew growled.

“Dead, eh?  So you get to touch her but I don’t?”

“Fuck off.”

Effie was taken aback by the anger in Matthew’s voice.  She’d never seen or heard him so angry.  She knew he was capable of it, by how he played hockey, but she didn’t think he’d be able to get this angry in a social setting.  Her body tensed up.  “Can we go back to our booth?” Effie asked loudly, placing her hand on Matthew’s, hoping to get his attention.  

Matthew looked back at her quickly, and when he saw the trepidation on her face, he immediately listened to her.  As he turned to leave, pushing Effie ahead of him with his hands still on her waist guiding her, he heard the man make one last call out to Effie.  “You don’t want to have some fun, girl?  I can show you a better time than this dick with my dick!”

Matthew had had it.  He knew he couldn’t punch out a guy in a bar.  He knew he couldn’t do much without causing a scene and the cops getting called and everything getting out of hand.  So instead, he used everything at his disposal to make his point, the most important thing being his size.  He turned around and flexed, standing up straight and making himself as physically big as possible, bumping up against the guy on the chest and backing him up against the bar.  He had only a few inches on the guy, but he was suddenly intimidated.  “You even so much as breathe in her general direction and I won’t hesitate to knock your teeth down your throat,” Matthew growled, making fists with his hands.  He didn’t even wait for the guy to say anything.  Instead, he just turned and walked away, noticing Effie waiting for him in the crowd.

“Is everything okay?” she asked.

“It’s fine,” he said curtly, leading her out of the crowd and back to the booth.

“Are you sure, Matthew?”

“Positive,” he mumbled as they finally got to the booth.

Effie turned around to get a good look at him.  She knew he was lying because she could see how angry he was on his face.  She got nervous – really nervous.  “Matthew—”

“Did he touch you?  He didn’t touch you, did he?” Matthew demanded.  He needed the answer to be no so he could calm down.  

“Please don’t be mad at me.”

Everything in Matthew suddenly cleared.  All he saw – all he was able to see – was Effie’s face, and how nervous she was, and how she was looking up at him with a certain tenseness.  “Effie—no—I could never be mad at you.  I’m mad at that guy for being gross.”

He noticed Effie furrow her brows slightly.  “Was he trying to get me to have sex with him?”

“I don’t know.  I don’t know what he wanted.  But he was being gross and the second I saw him wedge his way into the bar I got up.”

Effie nodded.  “But you’re not mad at me, are you?” she asked again.

“Never, Effie.  Never.”

***

Annica had never been more flabbergasted or without words than when Effie asked her to explain what Instagram was.  Geneviève had to step in, giggling as she mixed together the baked feta pasta the girls were having for lunch.  “It’s supposed to be a platform for sharing pictures,” Geneviève explained.  “You know, like the book you’re reading, or where you’re going, if you go on vacation, or if you see something cool, or let’s say you go out to eat and you want to show what you’re eating…that sort of thing.”

“People want to know that stuff?” Effie asked innocently, causing the girls to giggle.  “People want to know that about me?”

“I’d love to follow you on Instagram.  I’d love to see how you see the world,” Geneviève said.  “It would be a breath of fresh air, to be honest.”

“How would it be a breath of fresh air if everybody is doing it?” Effie asked again.

“Everybody’s not doing it.  That’s the point,” Annica said.  “Instagram has transformed into this, like…God, I don’t even know what to call it.  It’s one big advertisement now.”

Effie considered what the girls were telling her.  She trusted them both, which is why she asked.  Annica talked about it a lot, and was on it a lot, which is why Effie became interested in it in the first place.  Geneviève was on it too, of course, running her own account and also having access to the account for her literary magazine Atomic (she’d given Effie a bunch of old copies to read through, and she was going to devour them right after she finished Geneviève’s book, which was technically a collection of essays).  For a girl who just wanted to be as normal as possible, it seemed to her like Instagram was the logical next step.  “Can…can you guys help me make a profile?”

“Of course,” Annica said as all three of them sat down at the table.  “We can do it after lunch.”

“I’m not your therapist, but you should use it to chronicle your journey and what you’re doing outside of the cult now,” Geneviève offered.  “That’s what I meant when I said I’d love to see how you see the world.  You can post all the things you’ve been baking recently, or the pretty things you see in Calgary when you’re out and about on one of your walks.”

The second that Geneviève mentioned ‘chronicle your journey’, it was like a switch went off in Effie’s brain.  She nodded her head.  “That’s what I’m gonna do.  Let’s make a profile after lunch.”

***

FOLLOW REQUEST: effieschaffer7

You have accepted effieschaffer7’s friend request.

Effie?????

Hi Matthew

U made an insta?

Is it okay if I follow you? Annica helped me

Yes of course it’s okay if u follow me

I am going to post my baking I think

That’s good! I will have to try some one day

When you get back from the road trip there will be something new.  Levi requested a lemon meringue pie and you can have some too if you want.

I’m gonna make sure Levi drives us home then

***

It was Effie who swung the door open excitedly.  Matthew was excited to try the lemon meringue pie, but apparently she was excited about something else.  Her eyes were as wide as the moon and as bright as the sun.  “I got the job!” she screamed.  

Levi dropped his bag as he screamed, catching her as she jumped from the doorway into his arms.  Matthew started cheering too and started clapping; it was only then that Effie even remembered he was standing there, but he really didn’t mind.  “Congratulations, Effie!” he smiled from ear to ear.  “Look at you go!”

She let go of her brother, but still held on to his arms.  “That means I can get the apartment!  That means I can pay for the tuition for the business program!  That means…I…I’m just so excited!”  She looked over at Matthew, seeing his smile, and did the unexpected.  

She hugged him.  She jumped into his arms just like she did with her brother and wrapped her arms around him tightly.  He reciprocated easily, wrapping his own arms around her too.  “That’s amazing, Effie!”

“I just—aaaahhhhheeeeeppppp!” she half yelled-half squealed, letting go of Matthew so they could get back inside.  April in Calgary was still cold.  Both Matthew and Levi set their bags down at the front door and walked straight to the kitchen, following Effie who was practically kicking her heels up.  “I can’t even speak!  I mean, this is—this is me getting to work!  I get to work!  I get to make my own living and make my own money!”

“You should be really proud of yourself,” Matthew said as he sat down on one of the kitchen stools.  “And you get to do something you like to do!  Not a lot of people get to say that.”

She nodded enthusiastically, opening the fridge.  “Here, try this,” she said, taking out the lemon meringue pie she had promised them.  “The owner of the coffee shop said I’m going to start with cookies and brownies and small stuff like that, and then maybe I can expand,” she said.

She cut the pie, plated it for her brother and Matthew, and handing them forks.  Matthew dug in automatically, shoving a giant piece in his mouth.  The second it hit his tongue, he groaned.  “Oh…oh Effie…” he said in between chews.  “This is gonna be dangerous.”

“Is it good?”

“You may need to bake me something every day, now, Effie.  Either that or I’m gonna come visit you every day.”

***

“Piiiiiiivvvooottttt!!!!!”

“If you say that one more time, I’m gonna kill you,” Matthew screamed at Sean holding the other end of the couch at the bottom of the stairs.  

“Piiiiiiiiivvv—”

“Monahan!”

“Is everything okay, boys?” Effie’s sweet voice asked from the top of the stairs, popping her head out of her brand new apartment.  

“We’re fine!” Matthew called out, not wanting her to worry.  “Monahan is just being a jackass!”

“Am not!”

They got the couch upstairs.  They got the bedframe upstairs.  They got the mattress upstairs.  In a little one-bedroom apartment above a storefront on 8th Avenue SW in downtown Calgary, Effie Schaffer was moving in.  Well, Effie was in her apartment unpacking boxes and organizing everything.  Levi, Matthew, Sean, and Jacob were helping move in her furniture.  She was going to thank them gracefully with another pie – this time, she’d experimented with a banana cream pie with salty bourbon caramel.  It was in the fridge waiting.  Each of them would get a nice big slice.

Geneviève came over for a bit, helping Effie with organizing the kitchen.  And Jenna dropped by after work, making sure everything was in order.  Jacob and his piece of pie left with Geneviève, and Levi and his piece of pie left once he knew everything was in order, and Sean and his piece of pie left after he and Matthew had finished putting the couch together.  Matthew hadn’t left with his piece of pie yet.  Matthew stayed.  

“This apartment is so great for you, Effie,” he said as he sat down on the couch, admittedly exhausted from all the hauling but despite that, still not wanting to leave.  There was so much to do and say and admire with Effie now that people weren’t around, and though he’d never admit it out loud to them, he always wanted to be alone with her.  It was different when he was alone with her.  With other people around, he couldn’t stare at her too long without being caught, or they couldn’t talk about things from their previous conversations that only they knew about.  With people gone, they could.  He’d stay until Effie told him to go home; if she would even tell him to go home.  He was unsure if she knew she could tell people to leave because she was tired or just wanted to be alone.

“Tomorrow Levi and I are going to go to the mall to get me a laptop for school,” she said, opening her fridge.  “My course starts in June.  It’s going to be really exciting.”

“That’s great,” he said, looking at her from the couch.  “It’s business, right?”

She nodded her head enthusiastically.  “Business administration.  Are you going to come try this pie or what?”

Matthew hauled his sore body off the couch and made his way towards the kitchen, standing next to Effie as she sliced a piece of the pie for him.  He reached over her head and grabbed two plates from the cupboard, setting them down.  Their bodies were close – purposely, he had to admit selfishly, on his part – so that every time she turned the pie and made a slice, her arm and elbow would touch him.  He watched as she carefully plated the slices.

Before she moved to grab the forks, she looked up at Matthew.  “Can I try something?” she asked timidly.

He furrowed his brows slightly.  “Of course.”

Effie hesitated, looking Matthew in the eye, wondering if she should really go through with what’s been on her mind since Andrew’s birthday party.  She resolved with herself to never let fear get in the way of her making a decision in her new life, especially now that she was free to make those decisions.  So she did it.  She did what she wanted to do.

Effie Schaffer stood on her tip-toes and kissed Matthew Tkachuk.  

It was light, chaste, and pure; no tongue, no longer than three seconds, and no warning.  But she kissed him.  With her eyes closed.  And for the first time in a long, long, long time, when she closed her eyes and kissed someone her body didn’t seize up.  When she closed her eyes and kissed him, she didn’t think of the other kisses she had to endure rather than enjoy.  When she closed her eyes and kissed him, she didn’t see Abraham.  Matthew’s lips were much softer; there was nothing about him like was like Abraham, not one atom on his body.  She liked it that way.  And the fact that she didn’t remember her past life when it happened made it all the better for her.

Matthew, for his part, was shocked.  Shocked that she, Effie Schaffer, who grew up abused in a cult and didn’t start wearing pants until just a few months ago, would do something so forward.  He’d be lying if he said he didn’t want it to happen, because he did, against all of his better judgement and the rational side of his brain telling him not to.  “Was that okay for you?” he asked softly.

Effie nodded.  “Of course it was.  I wouldn’t have done it if I didn’t think it would be okay for me.”

Matthew’s word vomit got the best of him.  “Do you think it—”

“Don’t talk to me like you’re my therapist please,” she said quickly.  “Talk to me like you’re a guy.”

“Sorry,” he apologized quickly.

Effie looked down, suddenly nervous.  She wasn’t second-guessing her decision to kiss him, but what she was doing now was wondering what Matthew thought of it.  He’d kissed her back.  He didn’t just stand there and take the kiss – he kissed her back.  He moved his lips too.  That meant something, right?  “Matthew?” she finally asked, her voice soft.

“Hmm?”

“Do you like me?” she asked.

“Of course I like you, Effie.”

“No, I mean do you…do you like me.  Like how boys like girls sometimes.”

Matthew looked her in the eye, his entire ego dropping to the pits of his stomach.  Having the completely inability to be able to lie to her, he gave her a quick nod of the head.  “Yeah, I do.”

Effie bit her bottom lip.  She didn’t know a lot, but she knew this was a huge moment.  But she swallowed hard, her thoughts getting the best of her.  “Even after everything that happened to me?”

Matthew’s heart broke.  It always did when he spoke with Effie.  “Of course,” he said simply.  “You’re not what happened to you.  You’re so much more than that, Effie.”

Effie nodded her head.  She knew that.  Dr. Barlow, Levi, Jenna, Geneviève – everyone important in her life had been telling her that.  She knew it was true, but she needed to hear the words from Matthew.  She couldn’t just assume them.  “I want to let you know that was the first time in my life that I’ve initiated…physical contact with a man,” she said quietly, her voice just above a whisper.  “I did it…I did it with you because I feel comfortable with you.  I wouldn’t have even thought about doing that a year ago but…but you’ve really helped me these past few months, and you make me feel so comfortable to try new things like corn dogs or kissing.  Even just…you know, touching.  I just want you to know that.”

Matthew nodded.  This was huge.  He was pretty sure he hadn’t let out a breath since her lips met his.  “I hope you always feel comfortable around me.”

“I think I will,” she said, smiling slightly.  

Matthew smiled.  “Well, in that case, can I kiss you again?”

“No.”

Matthew chuckled to himself.  Her deadpan delivery dissolved everything.  She was in total control.  “Fair enough.”

Effie moved to grab the forks from the drawer she was standing in front of.  Before she put them on the plates, she looked up at him again.  “But if I kissed you again, would you like it?”

Matthew nodded his head.  “Would you?”

Effie nodded her head.  

***

“What about this?” Matthew asked, pointing to a fake plant hanging from a little black pot.  “Everybody loves fake plants.”

Ikea had a lot of options – too many, if Effie was being honest.  But she nodded her head, and Matthew took the initiative to grab the plant and put it in the cart.  There were a bunch of frames already in there, and some decorative stuff for her new place.  “Matthew?” she looked up at him.

“Hmm?” he looked down.

She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him.

***

“I’ve got an Americano with room for milk for Matthew!” the barista called out, setting the drink down on the counter.  Matthew approached to grab his drink, bringing it to the other station where he was able to pour in his milk and two packs of brown sugar before popping the lid on.  He rejoined Effie.

“Does it feel like you’re cheating when I bring you to Starbucks?” he asked her in a light-hearted tone.

“Matthew?” she looked up at him.

“Hmm?” he was already looking down.

She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him.

***

“I think these are your best ones yet,” Matthew said through a mouth full of chocolate-dipped almond biscotti.  Effie was trying out recipes.  He was her unofficial-official taste-tester.  The whole team was, really.  And if they sold well in the coffee shop, the manager would allow her to expand.  So far, so good.  “I love the almond flavour.  It’s there but it’s not too strong, you know?”

He watched as Effie nodded her head.  “Matthew?” she asked, looking at him eye-to-eye since he was sitting down on one of the stools in her kitchen.

He knew what was coming.

She leaned forward and kissed him.  His lips tasted like almonds.

***

“Are you excited for the movie?” Matthew asked as he poured the popcorn from the steaming hot bag into the bowls Effie got for them.

“Very,” she nodded.  Tonight they’d be watching Emma, the 2020 movie version of Jane Austen’s classic.  Effie liked to see all the amazing clothes the women used to wear.  A part of her wanted to dress up like that now, but she knew she’d get stared at.  The other part of her never wanted to wear a dress again if she didn’t have to.  “Matthew?” she asked.

“Hmm?” he looked down at her.  He knew what was coming.

She stood on her tip-toes and kissed him.

***

It was always when the two of them were alone.  It never happened when she would wait for him and Levi and Jacob with Jenna and Geneviève after games.  It never happened if they were ever out with a big group, or even just with Levi and Jenna.  Matthew was sure Effie had told them she was kissing him – she probably told Dr. Barlow too, now that he thought about it – but nobody had ever approached him about it.  “I heard you’ve been kissing Effie.”  

It was always the same, but he wouldn’t have it any other way.  They were alone.  They were usually doing something mundane.  Then Effie would ask “Matthew?” in her soft, sweet voice.  He’d look down at her.  She’d go on her tip-toes, and she’d kiss him.

It was always initiated by her.  

***

“Can I take you out on a date?” Matthew asked one day when they were alone in her apartment.  

Effie looked shocked.  Surprised, even, though Matthew didn’t think the question was out of the ordinary.  “You…you want to go out on a date with me?” she asked.

“Yes, of course I do,” Matthew said, wanting there to be no doubts in her mind.  “You know that I like you, Effie.  I think it’s something that could be really fun for you…for us.”

Effie was deep in thought – Matthew could tell.  She nodded slightly.  “We have been doing a lot of kissing lately…” she mused.  He couldn’t help but smile, even though it faded slightly when she looked up at him nervously.  “Matthew, I—I’ve never been on a date before.”

“I figured as much.”

“I mean, I—even with Abraham.  He never—I mean, I was just told I was marrying him because he wanted me.  I told you that.  But even before that.  Women couldn’t date.  Nobody could—I mean most couples were just thrust together, but—but—women weren’t even allowed in the same room alone with the opposite sex because we’d tempt them.”

“I know Effie, it’s okay,” he said softly.  “Listen, if you’re scared or nervous or not ready, we don’t have to.  But you know that I like you.  And I know you like me too.  It’s what people do when they like each other.  So if you’ll let me, we could go out for dinner or something.  Nothing too big or fancy.  Just a dinner.”

If she went on a date with Matthew, Effie would be giving a giant middle finger to her past.  She would be asserting her agency in making her own choices.  She’d be doing something she wasn’t allowed to do for eighteen years of her life.  It was an action of justice at its very core – going on a date with a boy because she liked him and found him attractive.  She wasn’t even allowed to touch other men besides her husband less than two years ago because of his abusive and totalitarian “sermons”.  She remembered back to her begging to her mother not to get married at fourteen and her mother refusing to listen to her.  Here was Matthew saying “If you’re scared or nervous or not ready, we don’t have to.”  

Effie nodded her head.  “I want to go out on a date with you.”

Matthew smiled bashfully.  He was sure his cheeks were going to turn red like some sort of teenager.  “What kind of food d’you wanna eat?”

***

“How’d you get that shiner, buddy?” Sean asked.

“I’m not gonna talk about it,” Matthew mumbled.

***

“What the hell happened to you?” Johnny asked the moment he saw him in the locker room.

“I’m not gonna talk about it,” Matthew mumbled.

***

Mark Giordano was not happy to see one of his star players show up to the arena with a black eye.  But he didn’t want to confront Matthew in a full locker room, so he waited until there was only a few people around – and even then, they were far away enough that he knew they wouldn’t really pick up on the conversation.  “What the fuck happened to your eye?” Mark asked, approaching Matthew

“I’m not gonna talk about it,” Matthew mumbled, not even looking at his captain.

Mark furrowed his eyebrows.  There had to be something, a clue of some sort, to help him get to the bottom of this.  It was nobody’s birthday, so Matthew hadn’t gone out to a bar.  He didn’t get into a fight or scuffle on the ice that was too bad, so it couldn’t have been that either.  But then Mark remembered.  “I thought you spent time with Effie last ni—”

“I said I’m not gonna talk about it!” Matthew hissed as he got up abruptly, stomping away and leaving the room.

Mark took a deep breath in, putting his hands on his hips.  Kids.  He had to get to the bottom of this.  It was in his nature.  And as captain, he took his role seriously.  He needed to make sure his teammates were okay.  The media was definitely going to pick up on the black eye, and they’d need a good cover.  He left the locker room, following the path Matthew took, knowing he was probably letting off some steam in an empty trainer’s room.  Mark popped his head into two of them before finding Matthew in a third, facing away from the door and taping his stick.  Mark knew Matthew heard him walk in and shut the door behind him, but Matthew didn’t turn around.

“Sit,” Mark said sternly.

Matthew took a deep breath in but did as he was told.  He wasn’t going to defy Mark – he respected him way too much.  And he knew he had out let out the steam by telling someone, and Mark was probably the best person to tell.  

Mark sat down casually beside him, hunched over with his elbows on his knees so it looked like they were about to have a casual conversation, just in case anyone else barged in.  “Tell me what happened.”

Matthew took a deep breath.  “I took her out on a date last night.”

“Effie.”

“Yeah,” Matthew nodded slightly.  “And it was nice.  We went to a really nice Italian restaurant downtown.  She was having so much fun.  And she came back to my place and—”

“Please don’t tell me—”

“No no—it wasn’t—no,” he emphasized.  “I might be an idiot but I’m not that much of an idiot.”

“You can’t fault me for thinking it.”

Matthew shook his head.  “She came back to my place and I guess—well, I guess because the whole thing was so new for her, it was mentally exhausting.  She sorta kept saying how tired she was.  I told her she could stay over.  And it was fine.  We were just sleeping in the same bed.”

“And then?”

Matthew grumbled.  “And then I moved.”

There was a pause.  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

***

“I’m so sorry,” Effie whispered through tears, looking at Matthew’s back as he sat on the edge of the bed, pressing a bag of frozen peas against his face.

The entire night had been lovely.  She’d felt so good, and so comfortable, and so normal.  The food was delicious.  The walk through the park was magical.  The thing’s they’d talked about ran through her mind the entire night.  They hadn’t stopped talking.  They’d gone back to his place.  She was tired.  He suggested she stay over, knowing Levi wouldn’t mind.  She agreed.  She borrowed an old t-shirt and shorts.  They’d fallen asleep in his bed.  And it was lovely.  

And then at some point, in the middle of the night, with Effie’s back facing Matthew as he switched positions in his sleep, all she felt was a body pressing up against her slightly.  So she did the only thing she needed to do.

She punched him.  Hard.  

She hit between his eye and nose.  A loud “FUCK!” escaped him after the sound of skin hitting skin permeated through his bedroom.  Her body seized up and, like countless times before, she jumped out of bed.  When she turned around to look down at the bed, Matthew was clutching his eye in pain.  It was then that she realized just that – it was Matthew.  It wasn’t Abraham.  

“M—M—Matthew,” she stuttered out.  

“What the fuck, Effie?!” his temper got the best of him.

“M—Matthew—I—I thought—Abraham—I thought you were Abraham—”

With his one clear eye, he looked at her.  His chest was heaving.  But he didn’t say anything.  His shoulders slumped slightly.  And without saying anything, he got up out of the bed and walked out of the room.

Effie immediately dropped to her knees on the bed.  It’s what she would have done before, to ask for forgiveness for denying her husband satisfaction whenever and wherever he wanted it.  But now, in the new world, in her new world, it wasn’t like that.  She didn’t have to repent for her sin.  It didn’t have to be that way.  Abraham wasn’t in bed with her.  It was Matthew.  Sweet, soft, rough around the edges Matthew.

She started crying.  She couldn’t believe that she’d just done that to him.  She cried so hard she didn’t even realize he’d come back into the room quietly, with a bag of peas pressed against his face where she’d punched him.  

After she apologized, and he said nothing, she crawled over to him, the last of her tears spilling over her cheeks.  She lay her hand on his back.  “Matthew—”

He flinched at her touch.  She recoiled her hand back so quickly she didn’t know she could move that fast.  Her heart tightened in her chest, knowing she’d just caused him – and was continuing to cause him – such physical pain, when all he’d given her over the last few months was patience and support.  

Matthew heard her sharp intake of breath when he flinched.  He didn’t mean to flinch – really – he just didn’t expect her to touch him after she’d just punched his face for brushing up against her.  He took a few deep breaths to control his emotions before he looked behind him, seeing her tear-stained face looking at him.  

When he saw the lingering fear in her eyes, he couldn’t be angry.

***

Matthew played his hockey game, and he managed to score a goal and record an assist, but after the game, his mind was somewhere else.  Effie hadn��t shown up to the game; she wasn’t waiting with Jenna and Geneviève, and Jenna told him she was tired from work which is why she stayed home.  He needed to talk to her.  Needed to talk to her.  But he didn’t know how, and he didn’t know what to do.  

Jacob, Geneviève, Levi, and Jenna all left early, leaving him to go home alone.  He trudged down the hallway and took the elevator to the parking garage, his feet dragging on the concrete and he walked with his head down, a storm forming in his mind about what he was going to do.

“Matthew?” he heard a soft voice.

He shot his head up.  For a second he thought he was hallucinating, or some sort of mirage, but no – Effie was in the parking garage, standing right next to his car.  He had no idea how she got in but at this point he didn’t really care.  All he cared about was that she was there.  He rushed over to her as quickly as his legs would take him.  “You’re here,” he said, once he got close to her.  Her face was red and blotchy.  He hated seeing it like that.  It reminded him of the incident in the washroom.  “What’s going on?”

“I spent the whole day crying thinking about what I did to you,” she said, her voice sounding like she was on the verge of tears again.

“Effie, I told you it was alri—”

“It’s not alright, Matthew,” she asserted.  He’d said it all last night while she was profusely apologizing, but she didn’t believe him.  He’d said it up until she was picked up by a taxi to be taken back to her place.  He’d begged her to stay.  She couldn’t see how she could when she’d just punched him in the face.  “I wish you would stop saying that.  I hit you.  I gave you a black eye.  Nothing about that is alright—”

“Effie—”

“I just—I thought you were Abraham because he’d do that a lot and—because I would always try to say no otherwise, and so he had to get me at a point where—”

“EFFIE,” he said loudly, over her frantic voice, and she stopped immediately.  They stared at each other for a few moments in pure silence before Effie could feel Matthew’s hands grab hers.  He pulled her towards him and wrapped his arms around her tightly, and she nestled her face into his chest and inhaled his scent.  A wave of peace flowed throughout her body.  He hadn’t asked to touch her, but at the same time, she hadn’t flinched.  His touch was so…so pure and so soft – so unlike anything else she’d felt before – that there was no reason to flinch or be scared.  His hands wouldn’t hurt her like other hands had.  She realized this, inhaling his scent one more time.  He wouldn’t hurt her.

When he released the hug, she brought her own hands up to cradle his face.  His facial hair was a bit rough against her skin, but it was still the softest she’d ever felt on a man.  Maybe it was because he always gave her butterflies.  Maybe it was something else.  “You’re so soft, Matthew…” her voice was barely above a whisper.  

“What’s that mean?” he asked, his voice equally as low.  “I’m not soft.”

“Yes, you are.  You are for me,” she clarified.  “You’re the softest man I’ve ever felt.  I don’t want that to change.”

He realized what she meant now.  It hit him like a ton of bricks, like most things did with Effie.  “It won’t,” he asserted.  “You can count on me.”

“I know I can,” she nodded her head.

Matthew couldn’t take it anymore.  They couldn’t continue this in the parking garage.  “Can I take you back to my place again and we can talk?  Properly?”

Effie nodded her head.  

***

Matthew let Effie roam in his kitchen while he changed out of his suit into some comfier clothes.  When he emerged from his room, Effie was sitting on his couch – just like she had been last night – a glass of water in her hand, sipping from it delicately.  He knew she’d end up back on his couch since she had commented last night how big and comfy it was.  Matthew didn’t even know where it was from – it came with the apartment.  But ever since she’d sat on it and made the comment, he found it comfier.

He walked over to her slowly, and she watched him, not saying a word.  Instead of taking a seat beside her, he knelt in front of her, between her legs.  He was still almost at eye level with her.  Boldly, he took the glass of water out of her hand and set it down on the coffee table.  He grabbed her hands in his and rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumb tenderly.  “Can I ask you a question?” he asked.

“Of course.”

“What happened that night?  After you punched Abraham?”

Effie was silent for a moment.  “I…I—I got pregnant.”

The words stabbed Matthew in the heart.  He squeezed her hands to let go of some pain, and she squeezed back.  “I’m so sorry for what I did, Effie—”

“You have nothing to apologize about,” she said.  “You did nothing wrong.”

“But I scared you.  And I promised I’d never do that.  And it brought up bad memories…”

Effie was shaking her head.  “You didn’t scare me.  My mind did.  My mind thought you were Abraham.  But you’re the farthest thing from him, Matthew, and you need to know that.  You don’t scare me at all.  Not even a bit.  Not like Abraham scared me.”

Matthew bit his tongue so he could feel some pain and keep himself from crying.  To think about how she was so scared for eighteen years of her life, and now she wasn’t, and part of that was because he was around, helping her feel comfortable…he couldn’t have asked for anything more.  He knew he shouldn’t feel guilty for what happened, especially since Effie was telling him what she was telling him, but he knew he would for a while.  It’d take him a while to get over it.  “When we went on the date…did you—I mean, did you just do it because you felt like you had to?  Because you had to experience a first date to be normal or whatever?  Or did you actually want to?” he asked.

“I actually wanted to,” she said without hesitation.  Matthew could feel his heart beating in his chest.  “I wanted to, and with you.  Not with another guy and not with, like, Sean or whatever,” she said, and it made Matthew break out into a smirk.  “It was you.  And even though…I mean—I mean I think we could…and we would…” she tried to formulate her thought into coherent words.  

“But I don’t know if we should,” he finished her sentence.

Effie nodded.  “At least not yet.  I’m not—I’m not mentally there yet.  I’m not ready.  And it wouldn’t be fair to bring you along so closely with something I know I’m not ready for.  There’s so much I still need to learn…about, well…everything.”

Matthew nodded his head.  He understood completely.  “You know that I never expected anything, right?” he asked.

“Oh, of course not,” she said like it was the obscenest idea in the world.  She knew Matthew would never expect that of her.  “I think what’ll be good is you going home during the summer, and me starting my course in June…and by the time you come back in September, you might even see a brand new me.”

Matthew couldn’t help but smile at that.  He rubbed the backs of her hands with his thumbs again.  “You’re already a brand new person, Effie.  When I come back you’ll just be wiser.  Do you promise to message me on Instagram about everything you learn and the stuff you experience?”

Effie nodded her head, a smile adorning her face now.  “Matthew?” she asked after a moment of silence.

This time, he looked up at her.  He knew what was coming.

This time, she didn’t need to stand on her tip-toes.  All she had to do was lean forward and kiss him.

[jayankles]

The Culmination: Endgame

Pairing: Sebastian Stan x Reader

Word Count: 2362

Summary: Y/N doesn’t feel so good and it’s not like her to not answer the phone to Sebastian. He was right to send over Josie, Y/N’s friend, over to find out what’s wrong.

Warnings: Angst, Implied Smut, Fluff

Written for: @anyfandomangstbingo​ | @anyfandomfluffbingo​ | @anyfandomgoesbingo​ 

Squares Filled:  Sick fic | first time | “I really don’t like doing this over the phone”

A/N - Blake Lively is not a representation of the reader; it’s just for the dress. And the other beautiful woman is exactly who I pictured for Josie.

Feedback is gold and appreciated

Of course, you were sick today. The day that Sebastian had told you that he was to take a day at the gym then spend it with Don. You knew that when you woke up this morning it wasn’t going to be a good day, the cold sheets a little foreshadowing of how your day would have gone. The little guttural feeling you had punching you in the gut right now, it had you on the floor, bent over the toilet seat with your head in the bowl.

You felt awful. Unable to move, unless it was your throat spasming. Definitely the worst day so far, you couldn’t move and when you finally were able to move at all you felt like a robot. Not a good look.

You decided that it was time to head back to bed, none of your food would stay down so you made yourself a bottle of water and stumbled into bed with a bucket in your hand, ready to put the bucket on the floor beside your bed.

Pulling at the covers, you curled up under them and took a swig of your drink. Tears rolled down your face as you felt the pain grow stronger, you rubbed your stomach in hopes it would make you feel better; it didn’t.

All you could do was pray that you would fall asleep to not feel this pain anymore. Sleep evaded you. The pain is all there is that you feel. You threw up another three times before you finally succumbed to the pleasures of sleep. Rattling of keys had been the object that had drawn you out of your few moments of slumber. You didn’t dare move though, there was no point, you couldn’t move anyway.

“Y/N! Y/N, where are you?” It took you a minute to realise that it was your friend, Josie, shouting your name in hopes of finding you. “Y/N, Whe- There you are. What are you still doing in bed? Oh...”

She looked as if she sighed out a breath of relief before she retracted, covering her mouth and nose with her hand. Inhaling the stench of the room, she quickly ran out of there, returning with air freshener, spraying it around you to make her feel better.

“You need a bath, babe. Stay here and I’ll run you one. Of course you’re going to stay here, you poor thing.” Josie rambled, you stopped her before she could go on for another hour.

“Jo, pour some lavender in there. Love you.”

Freshly out of the bath after thirty minutes, you were wrapped up in Sebastian’s bathrobe, a reminder that he was home as it still smelt like him. “I hate feeling like this. It sucks. But I feel better already.”

Josie softly smiled at you, pity in her eyes. “Must have been that nap you took but I know it sucks. Could you imagine Seb with this kinda illness, though? It would be 100% worse just because it’s man flu.”

“Thank you for being here.” You said, taking a seat on the couch. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“Seb called, said he tried texting and video chatting you but you wouldn’t pick up. I guess he was right to have me come over and check on you.”

“He’s such a cutie.” You groaned as you walked, the bath only slightly relieving some of the pain.

“I know. It makes me wanna barf… not like you, though. That shit is nasty, no, thank you, ma’am.” She tutted through a pinched nose, reminding of just how gross you felt and smelt not even a mere hour ago.

“You’re a pleasure as always, Jo. Always so kind to me, when I feel like shit. Thank you.”

She shrugged knowingly, a smirk on her face as she reached forward for the remote, finding a music channel and turning it down a little so it faded into the background becoming nothing but white noise. “So do you know what brought this on? Eat some bad food?”

“I don’t think so, otherwise Seb would feel the same way right?”

“Well you aren’t pooping as well as being sick so this isn’t a viral or bacterial thing. You’re not burning up? No severe migraines?” She asked and you only had one answer.

“Nope. And no, my appendix hasn’t burst because I’ve already had it out.” You said, becoming tired again as you let out a yawn.

“Well, I think I might need to slip out for a little bit.”

“Why? Where are you going? I thought you were going to take care of me?”

“I am. I’m just gonna head to the store and grab you some stuff to make tomato soup. I’ll be twenty minutes tops.” Josie was true to her word, never taking more than the twenty minutes she promised. Putting the bag of groceries on the counter, Josie pulls out the contents, revealing the ingredients she offered to get for you but you could tell that there was something else in the bag.

“What’s in there?”

Josie was fidgety, her fingers twiddling together. “I need you to keep an open mind because I think I know why you’re grossly throwing up.”

“Hit me. I wanna know how I can feel better right now.”

“It’s a good thing that you’re sitting down because…” She paused, making a face that she knew you weren’t going to like. “Because I think you’re pregnant.” her face unchanging as she pulled out the pregnancy test.

Then it hit you. 

No.No.No. Fuck!

Hands dancing.

Tongues twining.

Passion blooming.

It was everything you could have asked for when he was away but now that Sebastian was back, you couldn’t keep your hands off of him. You covered every area of the apartment possible.

Oh crap.

“Fuck!”

“Yes you did.” Josie laughed at her own joke, the reaction not quite the same on your end.

“Oh god, Sebastian is going to kill me. He’s never going to want to talk to me. Why was I so stupid? Oh, I’m never gonna hear from him again. I’ll be kicked out. I’ll be a single mother. I’m gonna have to live with you and if I have this baby, you’re gonna hate me, then you’re gonna kick me out too. ”

Josie scoffed at you, helping you scurf back your hair away from your face, making you look into her wide eyes. “First of all, chill. I gotchu, you know I gotchu forever. Sebastian isn’t like that, but if he is you will never see him again and that is a promise and maybe a little bit of a threat. He’ll deserve it if he hurts you so. Just be my alibi if anything ever happens. Just go take the test. Negative? You’re just sick. Positive? You call Sebastian and you talk to him like an adult.”

“Why are you always right? Don’t you ever get sick of it?” You huffed before you smiled at her, squeezing at her hand after taking the small handful of the pregnancy test boxes back to the bathroom.

Five minutes passed and you were holding the peed on sticks in your hand, four out of five of them being positive. “I think I need to call Sebastian, and a doctor.”

After making an appointment with the doctor, you took a deep breath and pressed the button to call Sebastian. He picks up the call pretty quickly and you are not surprised.

“Y/N! Finally! Are you okay? What happened?”

“Hey bubba. I’m fine, just a little sickness. But I really don’t like doing this over the phone. When are you coming home. We need to talk.”

Two months later.

It was the night of the premiere of Avengers: Endgame and you couldn’t be more thrilled for the success that the Marvel Franchise had. It was 10 years of absolute lovable craziness. Thank you, Stan Lee.

You had no idea that you would be here on the aptly coloured, purple carpet with Sebastian after all you would have thought that you would still be with him after the whole pregnancy fiasco but the two of you were able to talk things through. Things were thrown, voices were raised, and tears were shed but still after all of that, Sebastian made the executive decision to calm the two of you down. The stress was no good for anyone at this point. You were both going to be parents; it’s what was established.

The two of you walked hand in hand, palms sweating as the cameras flashed, and photographers called out to each and every star that was involved in the production of Endgame. The culmination of the whole franchise was just so surreal, the fact that it was ending with a bang both made you swell with pride but it also made you a tad emotional because this collection of amazing characters wouldn’t continue but the legacy they left would. And that was what mattered.

“Sebastian! Y/N! Over here!” You heard from one of the interviewers, looking beautiful in her outfit, Sebastian rubbed his thumb across your knuckles, you were going to be okay. He was right there with you and you had done this a few times before. He was there for you.

“Hi.” “Hello. You and Sebastian answered at the same time, making the interviewer laugh.

“Wait, I remember you. I bought you a soup in a thermos and Tom gave you his jacket. I see we got lucky with good weather today, huh?” You said, smiling at her.

“Yes. You remember me?!” The woman turned to the camera looking right into the lens of it. “Guys, I’m fangirling so hard right now. Ah!”

Once the woman got her fangirling out of the way, she moved onto the interview, trying to get any information that she could before the movie premiered. Sebastian took over that one, telling her that there was no way that they were allowed to say anything about the movie other than he was dust.

“Now we’ve got that movie non gossip out of the way. Are you okay to talk freely about your pregnancy?”

You looked to Sebastian, it was his decision just as much as it was yours, you knew that Sebastian wanted to keep his private life separate from his professional acting career. “It’s okay, honey. Go ahead.”

“I think you’re good to go.”

“Thank you. I must say that you do look stunning in that dress.” She gushed, you thanked her, hiding your face a little. You loved this dress, the nude under layer and the little white and purple flowers that scattered across your dress, your bump barely visible through your dress.

“How far along are you?”

“Well, we’re in the first week of the second trimester. So I’m a little more confident when telling you that.”

“That’s amazing. Was the pregnancy planned at all?”

You made a face, sucking in a little air, looking to Sebastian for a little light to be shed on the situation. “Not at all. It was Y/N’s friend that actually realised that her morning sickness wasn’t her having the flu. She felt absolutely awful that morning, it was enough to know that it was bad when I tried to call her and I didn’t get an answer.

“We had our issues, you know, we didn’t know what to do, we're new at this. But I think that it’s important to know that you don’t abandon your family.” Sebastian softly smiled at you, subconsciously putting a hand on your slowly growing stomach. “I guess that is what this franchise is about though, right? It’s about family and- and looking out for one another. Everybody’s got a somebody here and I love that.”

“And Thanos, fucks it all up and snaps his goddamn fingers.” The three of you and the cameraman began to laugh at your little outburst about the mad, purple titan. “God, I can’t wait for the premiere tonight but I’m scared. For everybody. But especially for me, you know, I’m an emotional person anyway, add a hormonal woman to the mix and a whole lot of angst. Get my ice cream and tissues ready, because I’m coming for you, Thanos.”

“I heard that!”

“Love you, Josh. For the record, Josh is a nice guy, the character he plays is a big old sack of balls and I have no idea how he does it so convincingly.” Lovingly, you made eyes at Seb. “But it’s just like my Sebastian, a dark hydra assassin but in reality he’s a big ball of sunshine and goofiness. And I love him for it.”

“This is- this is what gets me.” The interviewer leaned in a little as Sebastian’s voice dropped to a slight whisper. “I know that she is going to be the best mom for our child because Y/N loves everything and everyone and that is a great quality to have but she’s also caring and matches my goofy side but her sass outweighs mine of course, no one can beat that.”

“Aww, he’s making me cry already. Seb,” you whined. “My makeup.”

“Well that's it folks.” The woman spoke, telling the audience that this was one of the cutest interviews that she had ever taken, that she could die happy and quickly saying congratulations before the two of you were whisked away to walk the carpet again and pose for pictures.

“You’re way too good to me, you know that right?” You said to Seb as you admired the sky blue suit he was wearing over his plain white tee. “I never even got to tell them that this baby will have the hottest dad in the world as well as the sweetest man. Thank you for being my baby daddy.”

Unbeknownst to you, the cameras had caught every single moment the two of you shared. The kisses you shared together, were now shared with the world, all over social media. At this point you didn’t care, you only cared about the man in front of you and the baby growing in your stomach. And this god damn movie!

Feedback is gold and appreciated

[troubatrain]

i’d lie - m. tkachuk

a/n: this was the very first like super long fic i’d written for my own blog and tbh i still love it so i hope you guys do too :)

September 2019

The first time you met Matthew Tkachuk, you were running back to your apartment, mountain of textbooks in your hand. You’d run into a firm chest while trying to text your roommates back about dinner plans, your books knocking all over the floor. You apologized profusely, feeling awful for running into someone because you couldn’t get your head out of your phone. The stranger, who later introduced himself as Matthew, assured you it was fine and helped you pick up your books. You introduced yourself to him, thanking him for the help and making a light joke about how you weren’t paying attention. The two of you went your separate ways, but your mind wandered about the blue eyed stranger you’d run into that day.

The second time was definitely just a coincidence, and you were sure of that. You were grabbing a quick coffee before class, something you were in dire need of after your roommates came home well past midnight from a night out while you decided to stay in and study. You were waiting for your drink when you heard your name called from behind you. You turn around and meet Matthew’s eyes, laughing about how’d you run into each other just a couple of days later. The two of you made small talk, you explaining that you were just headed to class and him explaining he was grabbing an after practice coffee. When you asked him what sport he played, he looked at you in shock and laughed, explaining that he played for the Flames, you reluctantly admitted that you didn’t follow hockey much anymore, being just too busy. Your conversation ended quickly when you realized you had to run to class, telling Matthew you’d see him around even though you were sure you probably never would.

The third time was starting to feel like the universe was telling you something. You’d gone out with your roommates, celebrating a successful end to the fall semester. You were going to grab another drink when you felt someone grab your arm, when you turned around, ready to tell this guy to lay off, you’re met with a familiar pair of blue eyes. Matthew cracked a joke about how you’d seen him more times in the past week or so than his family and offered to buy you a drink. You took it, standing at the bar and talking to him for the rest of the night. You talked about school, your major, and your roommates. He told you about playing for the Flames, and how much he loved being in Calgary. When his teammates walked over to the two of you, chirping Matthew about talking to you, and when you roasted his teammate right back, Matthew told you that he was positive he was going to have a new best friend.

Matthew wasn’t kidding, finally getting your number at the bar that night and never leaving you since. It was slow, he started by inviting you out with his teammates after games, the boys becoming a permanent part of your life. Then you went to your first Flames game, in which Matthew scored twice and made you promise to never miss a home game after. After that, you were complaining about how loud your roommates could be when you really needed to get some work done, so Matthew gave you a key to his place so you could go there even if he was away. Matthew would send take out to your apartment if you’d had a particularly bad day or you would go over to his and cook for the both of you. He’d been there to help you study for finals, even though he didn’t have a clue about what you were talking about. You’d been there when the Flames got knocked out of the first round of the playoffs, holding Matthew while he ranted and raved about the game and how badly he wished they’d won. You went out to dinner with his parents when they came to town, you’d even made a trip to St. Louis over the summer. From an outsider’s perspective, and from the perspective of every person in your life, it seemed like you two were dating, but you felt like that ship had sailed and if it was going to happen it would’ve already.

You shake the memories of your friendship with Matthew out of your head as you turn the key to his apartment, sneaking in with the obnoxious decorations you’d bought. Yesterday, Matthew called you to let you know his contract was almost done and that he’d be back to Calgary for training camp the next day. You were excited, the contract debacle taking up more stress in your life than you’d liked. You’d sent the stuff down on his kitchen island, tying the red balloons you’d bought to one of the chairs and setting out the cake you’d bought that just says, “Congrats on getting PAID.” You hear the door creak open, and Matthew set his bag down by the door.

“Oh this is something,” Matthew chuckles, laughing at the small celebration you’d put together.

“Thought I’d welcome you back,” You laugh as he runs over to pull you into a hug.

“I really don’t deserve you,” He says, “Is that cake?”

“It is,” You smile, walking into the kitchen and pulling the groceries you’d bought to cook the both of you some dinner, “and dinner.”

“I really really don’t deserve you,” Matthew repeats, always appreciative of things you did to take care of him. Not that you minded it at all, the access to the quiet of Matthew’s apartment was enough to justify a few dinners, let alone when the two of you went out and Matthew insisted on paying the bill. While you never felt like you owed him anything, it definitely made you feel less guilty when you were doing something for him - even if it is just stopping him from eating out every night.

“You don’t, I know,” You joke, hip bumping him out of your way so you could grab a cutting board from his cabinet.

Matthew was over to the seats on the island, sitting in the one you’d decorated, “You’re going to be at our first home game right?”

“Of course, I planned my entire day around it,” You admit, knowing you’d made a silly promise to Matthew that you’d never miss a home game, “Why? Worried you’re going to bomb without me there?”

“I mean, yeah. I just-” Matthew starts, sighing, “After waiting for this deal and stuff I don’t want anyone to think it was a mistake.”

You didn’t realize your joke had actually struck a nerve. When you first became friends you didn’t think Matthew doubted his play or himself ever. He had a blind confidence, and he never let a mistake take over his whole game. It was something you actually admired, wondering if you could ever be that confident in yourself. But, when the Flames lost in the first round of the playoffs, and you’d gone to his place after the game, Matthew turned into a sad shell of a man in front of your eyes. That night you realized how much actually got to him, and while he listed off the mistakes he made in the series you’re heart broke with every word he said. The Canadian media wasn’t always easy, and it really bothered Matthew more than you think he even knew.

You turn around from the stove, “There’s not one person who doesn’t think you deserve your contract, and if they don’t I’ll personally tell them to fuck off.”

Matthew laughs, and your heart skips a beat, “I think I can do without you trying to fight anyone.” “Why? I’m absolutely terrifying,” You joke, your small frame wasn’t scary at all, but you weren’t about to let that stop you.

“You know what? You’re right,” Matthew says sarcastically.

“In all seriousness,” You start walking around the island to wrap your arms around Matthew’s shoulders, “I’ll always be proud of you.” Matthew tucks his head into your arms muttering a low thank you. The two of you spent the night together, catching up on your summers over the dinner you made. He told you about the trips he’d gone on, and his summer antics. You’d gone on about the vacation’s you’d gone on, and the time you spent with your family.

October 2019

You walked arm and arm with Brittney, Sean’s girlfriend, into the Saddledome for the Flames home opener. It was Saturday night, and you knew with the Kings coming to town on Tuesday the boys would definitely be celebrating their first win of the season if they came out on top tonight. You were excited, hoping they’d be able turn it around before it became a losing streak. You head up to your usual seats, walking into the family boxes with Brittany, all of the team’s significant others and families out for the first home game of the season. After finally grabbing a drink and sitting down you look down at the nice, spotting Matthew’s mop of hair buzzing around the ice.

“So anything change over the summer?” Brittany asks when she sees you looking at Matthew on the ice, a curious look on her face.

“Still best friends,” You say, shaking your head at her comment. You’d heard it a million times, about how Matthew needed to have you at his games, sitting with the rest of the team’s families or how you were always at his place or vice-versa but you assured everyone who asked that you were just friends - because you were.

“Okay but you can be best friends and date, you guys know that right?” Brittany says, trying to make you see it from her point of view.

“Britt, I really mean it, we’re just friends,” You shrug, not really in the mood to continue defending yourself. You ignore the knowing look she gives you, already knowing that her usual comeback would be asking you why you’re getting so defensive.

By the time the third period rolled around, the Flames were up 3-0 and you were sure this was going to end as a win. When the period was finally over, you headed down to the locker with Brittany to wait for Matthew to head out. 

He barreled out of the locker room, scanning the room to find you, running over and hugging you tightly, “We wonnn.”

You knew he was running on an adrenaline rush that he only ever got out of winning, “You did, are we going out tonight?”

“We are Y/N, Chucky can stay home,” You hear Sam Bennett’s voice behind you.

“Sam, what makes you assume I want to spend time with you?” You quip back before Matthew even has a chance to defend himself.

“You guys are really meant to be, you’re both cold as hell,” Sam says, shaking his head at the two of you.

You ignore Sam’s comment, turning to Matthew, “Ready to go?”

Matthew nods, leading the way to his car in the parking garage at the arena. You both slide in, you immediately grab his phone to change the music.

“You know it’s my car,” He says, already knowing you controlled the music in every car ride you took, despite who was driving.

“You know I don’t care,” You say back immediately, “Do you want to drop off your car?”

“No, you drink, I’ll just have a beer,” Matthew says, never wanting to let himself get too drunk if you were going to, afraid something might happen to you.

“But you guys won-” You start to protest only to be immediately cut off.

“But you had class all week, and don’t think I didn’t hear you stress crying after I went to bed the other night,” Matthew says, immediately shutting you up. You had a long week, and the idea of getting to go out with the safety net of Matthew taking care of you didn’t sound terrible.

“Fine, you win,” You say as you pull up to the bar you were meeting the rest of the team at. You walked in, immediately spotting Brittany and Sean from afar, walking over them wrapping Brittany in a hug.

“I’m really happy you guys are all back in town,” You say, still a little tipsy from the drinking you’d done at the game.

“Happy to see all of us, or just Chucky,” Sean says, giving you a look.

“Enough with that,” You snap, already having heard it from his girlfriend.

“Enough with what?” Matthew says, stepping behind you placing a drink in your hand.

“Nothing, Sean’s being a moron,” You say, leaning into his chest when he places a protective arm across your chest.

The rest of the night was an eventful one to say the least. You’d danced with the girls, Sam made you take more shots than a person should, and it was safe to say you were drunk to say the least. You finally walk back over to the table that Matthew was sitting at, talking to Noah.

“Matty, can you grab me another drink?” You ask, trying to convince him so you didn’t have to. You knew it wouldn’t take much and he nods and takes your empty glass without a second thought. 

Once Matthew was out of earshot, Noah turns to you, “You’ve really got him wrapped your finger.”

“Noah -” You start to defend yourself again.

“Don’t Noah me,” Noah immediately cuts you off, “Admit it, you have to see what everyone else sees.”

“You know what? I do and yes, it confuses the shit out of me but Noah, I like Matthew, a lot, but I don’t think he feels the same way about me,” Your drunken confession slips, your hand immediately covering your mouth that you actually admitted it.

Noah looks at you, eyes wide in surprise, “Oh my god, I was right?”

You start to give him a lecture about prying into your business before he cuts you off, “Your secret’s safe with me.”

You smile, “Thanks Noah.”

Matthew comes back and hands you a water despite you asking him for another drink, you roll your eyes, knowing he’s just decided to cut you off before you got messy.

“Ready to go?” You ask, sipping the water.

“Whenever you are, are you going home or staying by me?” Matthew asks and you notice Noah shaking his head at the two of you.

“Home, I need to spend my Sunday studying,” You say, leaning back into Matthew from the barstool you were sitting on.

Matthew nods, grabbing your hand and walking you back out to his car, opening the door for you to slide in. The drive back to your place was short, and you wished it was longer, admiring how the streetlights made Matthew look incredibly handsome. You knew the small crush that you’d been haboring since you met him only made it’s special guest appearance after you’d been drinking, and you were going to let it take over even just for the night. When Matthew stops in front of your building, he tosses his car into park so he can walk you to your door, even though you always insist nothing awful will probably happen to you between then and the minute elevator ride up to your floor. 

When you step in front of your door you wrap your arms around Matthew’s waist, tucking your head into his chest, “Thank you for always taking care of me.”

You feel him place a small kiss on your head, something he did often, “Anytime, get some sleep okay?”

You nod, “Text me when you’re home Matthew,” You say, using his full name to make yourself sound more serious. He laughs and heads back to the elevator while you walk into your apartment, walking into your bedroom and slipping one of Matthew’s old London Knights shirts on, passing out immediately.

November 2019

With November came an enormous amount of stress, the Flames weren’t playing up to their usual standards, losing five games on the road. Matthew was grouchy to say the least, you were always trying to cheer him up but there was only so much you could do while he was gone. You weren’t in the best mood either, the stress from school starting to build up. You’d spent more nights crying from stress in the comfort of Matthew’s empty apartment more than you’d admit to anyone, never quite feeling like you could catch up with all of your work. Which is why you were sitting on Matthew’s couch, head in your hands while you tried to finish the paper you had due at midnight when you hear him finally come home from his road trip, dropping his bag at the door with a bang, causing you to jump.

“Oh, I didn’t know you were here,” Matthew says, in a harsher tone he usually used. You could tell the losing streak was starting to get to him, his shoulders were tight, and the bags under his eyes were prominent.

“Do you not want me to be?” You say, while Matthew never complained when you were at his place, you did understand if he wanted to be alone.

“No you’re fine,” He says, “Are you going to come to my game tomorrow?” Your heart sunk, you wanted to, but you couldn’t justify spending a night at the Saddledome watching him play when you had so much work to finish before the chaos of finals started. You look at his sad eyes, afraid you might upset him if you said no.

“Matty, I have so much work I have to do, I don’t think I can,” You say, closing your eyes as if that would lessen the blow, you open one, seeing Matthew’s face crushed in front of you.

“It’s fine,” He says, the words not sounding like anything was okay at all, “We’ll just lose - again.”

“Don’t put that on me,” You defend, not wanting to feel guiltier than you are, “You miss shit in my life all the time because you’re gone.”

You regretted the words as soon as you said it. It didn’t matter if Matthew was there or not, anything important in your life, he made sure you knew he was proud of you. If it wasn’t a flood of texts, it was a bouquet of flowers to your door. He made sure you never felt like he forgot about you while he was gone, and you knew you were just acting out.

You hear Matthew sigh, a sign he was trying to keep his temper in check, “Maybe you should just go.” “I will,” You say, gathering your things and heading towards the door, turning back to him one more time, “For the record, you’ll be fine whether or not I’m there or not.”

--

You didn’t sleep that night - at all. Your mind replayed that stupid little argument you had gotten into with Matthew. You’d never actually fought with him, sure you bickered, but as soon as you’d call him out on his shit, he would let it go and that would be it. He looked so hurt by your words, and you knew you owed him an apology. You tried calling, texting, you even sent him an email, but he was ignoring you and you knew it. 

You lay on your bed, typing a paper for one of your classes while watching the Flames game, the Flames down against the Avs 3-2. You watched as Matthew got sent to the box, for the third time that evening, finally breaking his stick when he sat down. You knew he was frustrated, and you couldn’t help but feel like you might have had something to do with it. You turn the game off with five minutes left, not wanting to see Matthew’s face after they lost their sixth game in a row. You finally finish your paper, setting your laptop down and getting ready for bed. You slip into bed, ready to finally try and get some sleep when you hear Matthew’s voice from your living room, your roommate telling him that you were in bed. 

He opens your bedroom door, poking his head through, “Can I come in?”

You nod, watching as he steps into your room, still in his gameday suit. He lays down, immediately putting his head into your lap, while your hands move to play with his curls.

“I’m sorry,” You whisper, not wanting to break the silence in your room.

“You don’t need to be,” He says, “You were right - you always are.”

“Not always,” You smile, watching as his eyes close under your touch, “Do you want to stay here? We can watch a movie - whatever you want.” Matthew smiles and you knew you’d said the right thing, knowing that after a bad game it’s better to distract him until he finally opens up, “Can I have sweats?”

“Open my top drawer,” You say, “It’s mostly your clothes anyways.”

Matthew laughs, opening the dresser and realizing how many pairs of sweatpants and hoodies you’d actually stolen from him. It wasn’t your fault he has the comfiest hoodies known to man, and that he always offered them to you when it got cold. He steps into your bathroom to change, coming back out and climbing into your bed, pulling you closer to him so you could snuggle into his chest, grabbing your remote and throwing on a movie on Netlifx.

You don’t remember falling asleep, but somewhere halfway through the movie you finally knocked out for the first time in two days, wrapped up in Matthew’s arms. The two of you blocking out the noise from the outside world.

December 2019

With December comes the craziness of finals, but you weren’t about to let it stop you from celebrating Matthew’s birthday in the most ridiculous way you could think of. You’d set up a full on surprise party, using Noah as your partner in crime. The Flames were lucky enough to have a Sunday off, allowing you to have Noah keep Matthew out of his apartment all day so you could decorate. You went all out with decorations and invited everyone you knew was important to him - even having some of his friends from St. Louis fly up for the occasion. 

“I can’t believe you’re doing all of this for someone you’re not even dating,” You hear Brittany say, handing you the other half of the Happy Birthday banner you’d bought. 

“He literally flew me out to St. Louis over the summer for my birthday,” You say, “I think the least I could do is throw a party.”

Brittany shakes her head at you, distracted by Sean carrying in drinks before she could make a comment about how you spent your birthday with Matthew and his family. You greeted all of the guests as they arrived, waiting for Noah’s text that him and Matthew were on their way. Once you got the text, you had everyone hide out, shutting off all of the lights. You hear them come up the hallway, opening the door to Matthew’s place. You all jump out and yell surprise, promptly scaring the birthday boy. He smiles at you, knowing you were the only person who wanted to make a big deal out his birthday in the first place.

“Thank you,” He says, stepping over to you after he greets everyone at the party.

“How did you know it was me?” You joke, “It could’ve been Sam.”

“Because when I told you I didn’t want to do anything for my birthday, you proceeded to tell me that’s fine,” Matthew says, “and I know you were lying.”

You laugh, he was always able to tell whether or not you were lying from your body language alone. It made it easier to just tell him how you were feeling, even if you didn’t want to.

The party was dwindling down by the time you saw Matthew again, his body swaying indicating that he was definitely drunk. You laugh, getting the last groups of guests to head out so you could clean up and get Matthew to bed.

Once you shut the door, pushing Sam and Noah out while they made jokes about you and Matthew walking down the hallway, you turn around to see Matthew grabbing himself a water.

“Alright birthday boy, let’s get you to bed,” you say, trying to move his much larger frame into his bedroom. You’d only ever had to do it once before, a night out after the Flames clinched their playoff spot last season that ended in Matthew puking outside of the bar, and you were sore from trying to haul him to bed.

“Will you stay?” He says when you finally get him to sit on his bed.

“I mean, I planned on it,” you say, gesturing to your bag that was in it’s usual spot in his guest room.

“No in here,” He argues back, crossing his arms like a child. You knew you shouldn’t give in, and you knew climbing into bed with him was only going to make that small crush worse, the crush already growing from the last time you’d slept in the same bed as him. 

You sigh, walking over to his dresser to grab him some clothes, tossing them over to him, “I’m just going to go change.”

You walk across the hall to his guest room, slipping out of the jeans you’d been wearing and throwing on a pair of shorts and one of Matthew’s t-shirts. You tossed your hair in a bun, opening the door to Matthew’s room, seeing him in bed waiting for you. You smile, sliding into bed and cuddling yourself into Matthew’s chest as soon as you laid down.

“Thank you for the party,” Matthew whispers, hands twirling the ends of your hair.

“I told you, it wasn’t me,” You joke, finally letting sleep take over you.

January 2020

When Matthew got voted into the All Star Game, you made sure to tell him an obnoxious amount of time. You also insisted on blaring “All Star” by Smash Mouth in his apartment for an entire week before he told you he was going to take his spare key back if you didn’t stop. What you didn’t expect, was for him to insist you at least came for the actual weekend of the game. But once you found out that Brady was also playing in the game, you decided you should probably make the trip down.

You arrived Friday morning, Matthew making some time in the craziness of the weekend to pick you up from the airport, having you stay with him at his parent’s house. You arrive in the mass chaos of the Tkachuk household, his mom scrambling to get everything ready for the party they planned on having after the game on Saturday. You set your bag down, immediately running into the kitchen to see Brady and Taryn.

“Matt, you can leave now,” Brady says, wrapping you in a tight hug, “We’d much rather have Y/N here.” You laugh, missing the dynamic of seeing Matthew around his family. He was always more relaxed when he was with his family, even though he’d never admit that he actually did miss them during the season.

“Brady she’s my best friend,” Matthew says, grabbing your hand and pulling you into his chest.

“To be fair, I like Taryn more than both of you,” You mutter between the bickering boys.

You spend your Friday running around with Matthew’s mom, helping her with the party as much as you could. You enjoyed your time with her, knowing that it made Matthew happy to see how much his parents like having you around. Friday and Saturday seem like a blur, the craziness of the All Star Game taking over. You spent most of the time with Taryn and the rest of Matthew’s family that came to town, many of whom you’d met the last time the Sens came into town. You finally arrive back at the Tkachuk’s Matthew riding the high from winning the actual game.

Once the party was in full swing you were dragged around the house by Matthew, introducing you to players he’s played with in the past. You had a long conversation with Mitch Marner, who you found out Matthew actually played with when he played for the London Knights. You spent the night of some of the best athletes in the world and you couldn’t help but wonder why Matthew kept you around when he kept company like his friends who played around the league.

You step in Matthew’s bedroom, trying to take a moment for yourself. You look in the mirror, and sigh, just not sure of why you were there in the first place. It didn’t happen much anymore, but every once in a while the thoughts of not being good enough found themselves creeping in your mind. You couldn’t help it, as your hands started to shake, you heard the door open and Matthew step into his room.

“You alright?” He asks, sitting on the edge of his bed.

“Why are you friends with me?” You ask harshly.

“What’s this about Y/N?” He asks, confused at your tone.

“I mean, you just, all of the people in your life are these accomplished athletes and are insanely good at what they do, and for some reason you choose to spend all of your time with someone who cries every time they get too stressed out,” You rant out, worried about how Matthew would react to what you were saying. You’d never let him in on this part of you, the part that’s doubtful and scared that one mistake could ruin everything you’ve ever worked for.

You feel Matthew grab your hand, pulling you down to sit on the bed. He kneels in front of you, wiping away the stray tear that had fallen, “I don’t want to spend my time with anyone besides you, please don’t ever think differently. You’re funny and smart and you care about every person in your life even if they don’t deserve it. You’re my best friend, and I don’t want you to feel like this ever.” You smile, trying to hide the butterflies you feel in your stomach when Matthew’s thumb grazes your cheeks to try and calm you down.

“Do you want to stay in here and hangout for the rest of the night, just the two of us?” Matthew whispers, not wanting to break the comfortable silence between you two.

You nod, climbing into his bed and waiting for him to join you, putting on a movie and pulling you into his arms. You knew there was a giant party going on outside of those four walls of Matthew’s childhood bedroom, but nothing could be better than laying in his arms just the two of you.

February 2020

After the All Star Game, you threw yourself into your schoolwork knowing Matthew was headed on a two week road trip. You’d spent the two weeks catching up on an enormous amount of work, so you wouldn’t have to worry about it once Matthew finally got back to Calgary. You were grabbing a coffee before your class, when your phone rang in your pocket - Matthew’s caller ID appearing on the screen.

“Helllllo,” You answer, excited to hear his voice - even if it was just over the phone.

“Hey, do you have plans for Valentine’s Day?” He asks.

“I do not,” you say, knowing for a fact Matthew knew you didn’t.

“We have this Flames gala thing and I was wondering if you wanted to come with me?” He asks, and you can hear Johnny and Sam chirping him in the background.

“Matthew, that’s in like two days!” You say, scolding him for not asking you sooner so you could find a dress.

“I know, I just kind of forgot about asking you, I told the team I was taking you though,” He defends, knowing he said he was bringing a date before he even bothered to ask you.

“Yes I will go, but please remember to give me some WARNING next time,” You sigh into the phone, “Now if you’ll let me go, I need to go find a dress.”

“I keep an extra card in my nightstand, use it,” Matthew says, “And before you say no, consider it a gift for not killing me for telling you last minute.”

Initially you laugh, knowing Matthew kept an extra debit card in his apartment because he lost his more frequently than a normal person should, but once his words settled in you began the usual protest you gave him when it came to money, “Matthew…” you start, ready to explain to him that you don’t need him spending ridiculous amounts of money on you.

“Y/N, just take it,” He says, “I’m really too tired for this one.”

You sigh, “Fine, but this is the last time.” “Whatever you say, I’ll tell Brittany to make sure you use it,” He says, and you knew he wasn’t kidding, “Bye.”

You mutter a goodbye back, texting Brittany that you were in dire need of an emergency shopping experience before the Gala on Friday. She laughed when you called, already having received a text from Matthew to make sure that she made you use his card.

The night of the gala you head to Matthew’s, carrying your dress and all of the things you knew you would need to get ready, tossing them in his guest room when you arrive. You head into the bathroom, promptly starting with your makeup when you heard him get in from the rink, yelling about how he was going to shower and heading into his room. You finally set your hair into loose curls and start to step into your dress. The off the shoulder black dress stopped right above your knees and fit you like a glove. Brittany didn’t even tell you how much is cost, grabbing it and paying for it on Matthew’s card before you could even look. But, the way it made you feel outweighed the guilt you felt. You slip on the nude heels you chose to wear, and call Matthew in to help clasp your necklace.

“Wow,” He says, stepping behind you, fastening the necklace to your neck, “You look beautiful.”

“Thanks Matty,” You say, turning out to take in the suit he was wearing. When you told him you decided to get something black, he was excited having had a dark maroon suit in his closet he wanted to wear, “You look alright I guess.” “I look alright?” He asks, lightly tickling at your sides, “You’re such a brat.”

You laugh, “You look super handsome, happy?”

He nods, grabbing your hand and leading you out to his car. The Gala was in full swing when you arrived, the room filled with his teammates, fans, and other important people in the city.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me,” You hear Noah’s voice behind you while Matthew was over having a conversation with one of the team’s trainers who was at the event.

“What Noah?” You ask, ready for the comment about Matthew taking you as his date.

“You look like that and Chucky still won’t lock you down? He’s really dumber than I thought,” Noah says, gesturing to you.

“Don’t you have a date you should be complimenting?” You say back, knowing Noah had brought some girl to the event, even though they were never around long.

“Not one that looks as good as you,” Noah says, “So, still got that little crush.”

“Yes and I’m done talking about it,” You say, watching Noah’s hands go up in defeat as Matthew steps behind you.

“Do you want to dance?” Matthew asks, ignoring the face Noah was giving him for being so gentle with you.

You nod, grabbing his hand and following him out to the dancefloor. You place your arms around his neck while his move to your hips, swaying to the music. You look behind you, seeing Noah smirking at the two of you while dancing with his own date. You throw up your middle finger, not letting Matthew notice. The two of you spend the night with each other, dancing and having Matthew introduce you to a lot of people who were working in the front office with the team that you’d never met before. You couldn’t help but feel like something was changing between the two of you, especially when he kept his hand on your lower back while walking through the gala, or his hand gently stroking your thigh while you guys sat at your table.

March 2020

You never talked about how you spent your Valentine’s Day romantically slow dancing with your best friend at a Gala his team was throwing after that night. You couldn’t tell if thing’s had actually changed between the two of you, or if it was a result of the romantic atmosphere. Thing’s with Matthew had returned back to the normal routine, with the Flames in the middle of their playoff push, Matthew was around less, spending more and more time at the rink. You understood, taking the time to spend some time with your friends that weren’t him.

You finally both had a day off, deciding that you’d head over to his place to cook the both of you dinner. You arrive at his place before he does, placing your bags down and getting straight to cooking. You hear him come in, humming at the smells of the food.

“Hey stranger,” He says, joking about the fact that you haven’t been spending as much time together as you usually did.

“Oh please, you talked to me about your practice today on the phone for an hour, you’re hardly starved for attention,” You say, calling him out for being dramatic.

“I need all of your attention or I might actually die,” He says, wrapping you in a hug, “So what’s been up with you?” “Same old same old, this guy from my class asked me out on a date, I haven’t told him yes or no,” You shrug, moving back to cooking dinner.

“No,” He says, instantly, and you turn off the oven, turning around to face him.

“No?” You ask.

“I mean- uh- fuck,” He stutters, “You can’t go on a date with that guy I’m sure you’re too good for him.”

You roll your eyes, crossing your arms, “Matthew I know you live in a world where you don’t want me to get hurt, but I can’t not date because you don’t want me to.”

“I know, I just-” He starts before you cut him off.

“You what Matthew? Give me one damn good reason why I shouldn’t go out with this guy,” You snap back.

“Because I want you to date me,” He says quietly, “I wanted this to be better, you deserve it to be perfect, but I love you so much, and I can’t keep denying it any longer. I love when you spend all of your time here because I love spending time with you. I love that you get along with my teammates, and my family. I love when you get dressed up to go out, because I get to walk around with the most beautiful girl in the world under my arm. I was just terrified you didn’t feel the same way and that you’d hate me. Then when we were dancing at the Gala it felt different, like you were as into me as I’m into you.”

You uncross your arms, walking around the island to stand in front of him, placing your arms around his neck, “That might have been the most romantic thing I’ve ever heard in my life.” “Really? Cause I think I could do better-” Matthew starts, but you cut him off by pressing your lips to his. His hands move to cup your face, kissing you back slowly, the two of you melt into each other like you’d been made for each other all along.

“I love you too,” You mutter against his lips, feeling him smile.

“You’re not gonna go on that date right?” He whispers, leaning his forehead against yours.

You laugh, “No, there’s only person I want taking me out on a date,” you joke, placing another kiss to his lips.

“Sounds like a lucky guy,” Matthew jokes back, kissing you again, solidifying how truly right it feels to finally be together.

[mystical-flute]

All is Calm, All is Bright

Merry Christmas, @sassyandclassy94! I was your Secret Santa! I hope you enjoyed this Teen Swanfire Christmas with Henry!

Also on AO3 || FFN

The cold, Bostonian winter was howling outside, snow covering everything it could reach. It was a far cry from last Christmas, when they’d been in Tallahassee and Henry had only been four months old. They hadn’t had much then, just a small, light up statue of a tree and a few crudely wrapped gifts from the kind old couple next door. It hadn’t been much, but with a four month old, Emma hadn’t exactly been sure what they should have done.

Now, though…

Bing Crosby’s voice warbled through the large CD player, twinkling lights they’d snagged at a garage sale were draped across the doorways of the small apartment, and a tiny, three-foot Christmas tree was tucked in the corner, a mishmash of cheap ornaments and lights dangling from it. The topper was a precariously perched Super Mario star plush Neal had scored at a resale shop the day after they learned they were going to be parents.

Henry, despite being a newborn, had cried the minute Neal showed it to him, so it had been put away for the rest of the year. Emma had made a joke that he wouldn’t be one for video games, much to her chagrin.

Thankfully, when they’d put it on top of the tree this year, Henry had been too distracted by the pretty lights to notice it.

It wasn’t much, but it was something, and for Henry’s second Christmas, that was all Emma could ask for. Henry wouldn’t remember it anyway, and hopefully by the next year, she and Neal would be able to give him a bigger Christmas tree and more gifts than the two sets of clothes and small teddy bear she’d bought with her Christmas bonus. She hoped she would be able to give Neal more than the couple of worn books she’d found too.

She wouldn’t trade her life for the world, but a little more money wouldn’t hurt, if for nothing else, for the ability to give Henry what he deserved - which was a much better Christmas than she or Neal had ever had, and while that wouldn’t be a stretch, Emma’s goals seemed to be a little too lofty given their current financial state. The $20,000 they’d gotten from the watches hadn’t stretched as far as they’d hoped, with Henry’s unexpected arrival and the eventual move to Boston. Even though they were making more with their new jobs, it still wasn’t exactly everything she’d hoped.

She let out a soft sigh and kissed the wispy hairs on Henry’s head. “Sorry we can’t do things the way you see on TV, Henry. But at least we’re together, right?”

Or, they should be together, but Neal was taking an awfully long time running errands, which, given it was the week of Christmas, wasn’t too surprising, but as the minutes ticked on, Emma grew more and more concerned.

“Where do you suppose your Papa is?” Emma asked Henry softly as ‘White Christmas’ began to play in the background. “It’s not like him to be this late, is it? Especially without a call or a text.”

Henry let out a babble, reaching for the stuffed lamb on the table, which she handed him. He was happy and safe, and that was all that mattered.

The sound of keys turning in the lock had her glancing over as Neal stumbled in the door, covered in snow. His arms were laden with gifts and groceries.

“Neal, what is all this stuff?” she asked with wide eyes, lifting Henry into her arms and following him to the kitchen.

“One of the guys at work was talking about an Adopt-A-Family program the high school was doing. I guess it was the band’s idea and a bunch of other clubs jumped on board with it too, so I signed us up, and then…” he said, gesturing to the bags of food. “There was a food pantry down the street. I tried to get some Christmas staples for us. They threw in some softer foods too, that we can have Henry try.”

Emma stared as Neal began unpacking the bags. “Wait - so all of this stuff was given to us? You didn’t steal it?”

“Emma, we barely got away with the watches. Do you really think I’d be able to get away with all of this if I stole it?”

“I guess not…” she said, glancing into the pantry. She couldn’t remember the last time it looked so full. She then set Henry down in his high chair and began to look through the bags of gifts. She saw toys - some she had enviously looked at in some of the stores - clothes, but what caught her attention was the red leather jacket - an adult’s sized jacket - laying at the bottom of one of the bags.

“Neal, why do I see an adult’s jacket?” she questioned.

He turned and closed the fridge. “Adopt-A-Family isn’t just for kids. They ask what the adults need or want too. I told them you needed a new coat, but weren’t into the super girly stuff. I guess that’s what they got you. Is that okay?”

Emma ran her hand along the smooth leather. “All of this is for us?” she whispered. “But why?”

Neal shrugged. “People like to help out around the holidays. I wouldn’t question it.”

It was a dream come true, which in Emma’s experience usually meant there was a catch somewhere. That a shoe would drop and everything would go to hell… and she was scared that would happen now.

“Emma,” Neal said, breaking her from her thoughts. “Everything is okay. This is a good thing. The Adopt-A-Family is anonymous, unless we sign and send them a thank you card. The food drive was at St. Peter’s, run by a group of nuns. They aren’t going to chase us down either - helping people like us is what they do.”

Emma sighed, then glanced at the bags of gifts again, and thought of the food they now had. “I guess this means we can skip grocery shopping this week. We can put our money into savings…”

“The nuns said we’re free to come back to the pantry at any time,” Neal said. “We just have to call them and tell them we’re coming.” To make his point, Neal pulled a card out of his pocket and stuck it to the fridge with a magnet. “Hey, I know you’re not used to this - accepting help without strings attached, but I know we can trust these nuns.”

She’d been to a private school once, at one of her foster homes, and the Mother Superior had been charged with embezzlement the year after, so she glanced up at Neal and raised a brow.

He sighed. “These are different nuns, Emma. And the toys came from teenagers with big hearts - ”

“ -or that need extra credit.”

“So what? Them needing extra credit doesn’t hurt us in any way. We get new stuff, Henry gets food in his stomach and a proper Christmas, and some random teenager bumps their grade from a B to an A and pleases their overbearing parents. Win-win for everyone involved, right?”

“I guess…” Emma replied, looking at the bags of gifts again. “It’ll be nice to see stacks of presents under the tree, right? And we’ll have normal looking pictures of Henry opening them, with a bow on his head…”

Neal smiled. “We can pick up wrapping paper tomorrow.”

Emma looked at their small Christmas tree, imagining the brightly-colored wrapped gifts beneath it, and felt her worries ease and her smile grow larger. “Yeah! Oh Neal… I can’t believe it’s really happening. A proper Christmas, with people that I love and who love me…”

Henry let out what must have been the baby version of a yell, distracting both of them.

“It’s five o’clock. He must be hungry. We’ve got leftover spaghetti, right?”

“In the fridge,” Emma confirmed, going to tend to Henry, and the small apartment was lighter with the promise of a happy, brighter Christmas.

On December 25th, they were awoken just after dawn by a fussy Henry. They took him into the living room where Neal switched on the tree, illuminating the room in the pretty multitude of colors and catching Henry’s attention immediately.

“You like the colors, Henry?” Emma giggled, holding one of the gifts out to him. “Look! I think Santa brought you something special!”

She had no idea if Henry was comprehending ‘Santa’, but he squealed in excitement and took the gift from her hands, tiny fists ripping at the paper anxiously, to her amusement, while Neal snapped pictures behind them with their beat up digital camera. They would take family photos with her old Polaroid.

After presents and breakfast, they lounged on the couch, watching A Christmas Story and White Christmas. Henry hadn’t taken his eyes off either, but had appeared to like the music and dancing in White Christmas more than the comedy of A Christmas Story.

“What do you think, Henry? Do you want to become a famous Broadway singer and dancer? Maybe perform at a ski lodge in Vermont?” Neal asked, swaying with Henry as the final notes of White Christmas rang through the apartment.

Henry laughed and squirmed in the grip, clearly wanting to dance on his own, so Emma switched on the CD player, setting it to the radio, where all Christmas music would be playing all day. Neal set him down, and they laughed as Henry bobbed along to Jingle Bell Rock. Emma couldn’t remember the last time her heart felt so light - so free.

They had a feast that night for dinner - well, in their eyes, it was a feast. Ham steaks, mashed potatoes, roasted carrots, and cupcakes she and Henry had made for dessert (well, she had made the cupcakes and dabbed some frosting on Henry’s nose so she could get a funny picture).

And when Henry was down for the night, she and Neal snuggled together on the couch, the music low as they watched the snow fall gently over the city.

“This was the best Christmas ever,” Emma said softly. “We got to give Henry the first Christmas he deserved.” The first Christmas they all had deserved, really.

He held her close. “I know. After so long, it feels impossible, but we’ve finally done it, baby. We might not be in Tallahassee, but we are home.”

And there was nowhere she’d rather be.

[jaceyneedsabetterusername]

Hayloft (p.2)

Pairing: Arvin Russell x F!Reader

Summary: Your dad brings home his new coworker, Arvin Russell, telling you that he’ll be living with the two of you for a while. While attempting to keep Arvin from seeing the disfunction of your relationship with your father, the two of you grow closer than you thought. (Inspired by “Hayloft” by Mother Mother, though that’ll really only be one chapter later on so I don’t know if it really counts…)

Warnings: Abuse, drunkenness, misogyny, reader’s mother is dead, decapitating a chicken, reader is kind of emotional in this chapter

Word Count: 4.2k

A/N: My first slow(er) burn fic! Let me know what you think!

Part 1 

_____________________

Work had passed fairly quickly as it always did when you had the opening shift. It sure sucked having to arrive at five o’clock in the morning but at least you got off earlier and you knew that that way you could grab groceries before your father got home and could yell at you about an empty kitchen again. By two o’clock in the afternoon, you were home again, hopping out of your truck and grabbing as many bags as you could in one go. 

The loud sound of metal slamming against metal shook you and you flinched, looking between your door and the frame to see Arvin walking out towards you. It hadn’t occurred to you that his car was even in your driveway. After so many years of having busted broken down old cars sitting there that your dad had been swearing he’d fix for almost ten years, cars in the driveway seemed normal. “Let me give you a hand,” he offered as he got closer, lifting the canvas bags from your hands before you could object. 

“Oh!” You exclaimed as you felt the weight suddenly taken off your own arms, “Thank you.” You dove back into the truck to grab the last two bags before slamming it shut with your hips. The two of you began your stroll towards the front door, the dirt driveway kicking up around your feet. “You’re back early.” You noted, looking over at Arvin. 

He shrugged, “Yeah, uh, Wallace had me on the early shift today.” 

You fumbled with the bags as you tried to unlock the door, kicking it open with your toes when it finally gave in. You walked into your home and Arvin followed, closing the door behind him. “Been here long? I didn’t see you in the driveway.” 

“Not too long. I just didn’t want to let myself into your home without nobody there.” Arvin set the bags on the counter next to where you set yours. 

You began to unpack the bags and put the groceries in the respective places. Arvin watched off to the side, unsure of how your kitchen was organized so he was worried he’d do more than good if he stepped in. “My daddy got the late shift?” 

Arvin shook his head, noticing that his beat up old hat was still on his head despite being indoors and took it off immediately, his tousled brown curls parting messily down the middle. “No, we went in at the same time. He ‘n some buddies said they was goin’ to some bar in town.” 

He watched your shoulders fall a little and you sighed, “Figures…. You didn’t go?” 

Again, Arvin shook his head, “No. No offense to your daddy but I don’t like to drink the way I get the feelin’ he does.” 

You snorted, turning to him with a knowing chuckle, “Let’s just say that I’m sorry in advance for whatever he says or does when he gets home, if he gets home. Sheriff Pike might end up callin’ in the mornin’ tellin’ us to pick him up.” Though it was stated as a joke, Arvin could hear the tragic reality behind your words. 

Arvin then noticed the pack of beer bottles that you were pulling out of the bag. As if you could feel his eyes looking at you with worried curiosity, you glanced over at him, noticing the way his eyes flicked between you and the beer in your hands. You offered a sad shrug, “I know what you’re thinkin’ but trust me. Sometimes it’s better to have him drunk and possibly content than sober and angry there’s nothing to drink. Besides, the beer is better than the hard stuff with ‘im.” 

“‘M sorry. I didn’t mean to be makin’ faces. Your business is your business,” Arvin backpedalled, giving you an apologetic nod. 

You shook your head, “Don’t worry. I know how it looks. I’m sorry you gotta see all of it. I been tryin’ to keep to keep him calm but if you end up stayin’ a while, I’m sure you’ll get to see him at his worse times.” 

Arvin chewed his lip as he contemplated whether or not to bring up what had been going through his mind but he had to make sure you were alright. “I-I heard you ‘n your dad talkin’ last night… right after you left my room.” 

Your face fell as you realized what he was talking about, “You weren’t s’posed to hear that. I’m sorry.” Shit, this was what you were hoping to avoid. 

“Are you alright?” 

Gentle. Caring. His tone was something that had been long lost to you in this house and it took the words out of your mouth for a moment. It was embarrassing, the way your heart welled up with… well love wasn’t quite the right word but the warmth of being cared about. Not since after your mother had passed had you heard somebody actually care about how you felt. 

You just nodded and gave a forced smile that you could tell was easy to see through but it was the best you could muster. For someone who was able to take so much shit from their father and was able to look the man who would throw things at you and grab you by the hair dead in the eye with nothing but contempt, it was compassion that made you crumble. It had been so unexpected, especially from Arvin, the stranger living in your house. 

“Shit, ‘m sorry! I didn’t mean to - I didn’t mean to overstep. I only…” He stammered over his words and at first you were confused until you felt the single hot tear tracing its way down your cheek. 

You were quick to wipe it away, shocked at your own uncharacteristic show of vulnerability. You hadn’t realized until now that you had zoned out on the ground while Arvin’s words repeated in your head but now a flash of embarrassment ran through you. “No, no, no. I’m sorry. I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” You sniffled once before giving a small laugh of disbelief. “It’s just… It’s been a long time since anybody asked that.” 

You straightened up and ran your hands through your hair, eyes closed as you thought of what else you needed to do. Thankfully, if your dad was at the bar, you had at least another four hours to just you and Arvin, all night if you were lucky, though you seldom were. That was when the feeling of dread set in. Your dad had requested chicken roast for dinner tonight and whether he came home early and only a few beers in or you had to drive him home hungover in the morning, the man would be furious if there weren’t at least reheated leftovers for him. You had to kill Patty and prep her for dinner. 

“You okay?” Arvin asked again, though this time it was in reference to the way a heavy look fell over your features. It wasn’t a profound deep question like it was earlier. 

Your head wavered from side to side and your lips twisted, “My daddy asked for chicken roast tonight. I gotta go out and fix Patty up.” You tried to put it lightly though it felt anything but. “I’ll be out in the coop. You’re more than welcome to clean up in the shower or do whatever you’d like ‘round the house. The radio is in the livin’ room if you wanna tune into somethin’.” 

You pushed yourself off the counter and walked to the door in your kitchen that led out to the backyard but Arvin made a few steps to follow, “Is it alright if I keep you company? It don’t feel right bein’ in your house without you or your daddy here.” 

You smiled at the thought of him staying with you and you nodded, continuing out the door, “Sure, c’mon.” 

The hen house wasn’t very far from the back door. From there, you could see the several acres of land that your father was wasting. Your grandparents had bought this land in the late 1910’s and had started up a little farm of their own to sell locally, though your father had abandoned the farming portion after they died. It was where your daddy had grown up and then where you had as well. God, how you missed your grandparents. Your grandmother’s soft words of love and kindness but sternness and willingness to swat your butt with a wooden spoon if you got an attitude (though she would yell at your father if he ever tried to discipline you - “Now you leave that poor baby alone!”). Your grandfather had looked like a rough and angry old man from years of hard work but he had the softest heart of anyone you’d ever met. How the two of them had raised your father was beyond you. 

When you approached the wired fence and jiggled the lock open, the chickens inside stood surprisingly still. They trusted you. You could see it in their little brown eyes. You were safe and warm and didn’t want to harm them. You came in for the unfertilized eggs they laid and left, oftentimes with some seed and a soft pat or two on the head. Patty, a fat white hen with black specks, walked comfortably around your feet, nuzzling her head against your leg. She was the nicest hen you’d ever had. She trusted you. 

God, you were about to cry again. You bent down to pick her up and you held her against your chest, trying to look her in the eye, though it was difficult when she kept jerking it in different directions. “I can’t tell you how sorry I am,” you murmured low. Usually it was your father that would slaughter the hens if he really wanted the meat that badly. You had never done it yourself but he’d made you watch every time so that you knew how if the time ever came. Each time it made you sick to your stomach. 

Already, you felt green. The unassuming hen that you had been friendly enough to for her not flip out when you held her was none the wiser that her life was about to end by your hand. You glanced over to the large wood round just ahead and the axe that was leaned up against it. 

Your face contorted as you realized how much you disliked the placement. The way your father would slaughter chickens right in front of their friends made your heart break. It was barbaric. 

You walked over to Arvin and held Patty out towards him, “Would you mind holdin’ onto her for a second?” 

Though visibly confused, he took the chicken from your hands, drawing back when her wings fluttered out at the contact with the new strange man. Arvin watched as you walked towards the large round and tried to push it with all your might. “What’re you doin’?” 

“I’m-” you grunted, feeling it slide slowly, inch by inch, “trying to move it where the other chickens can’t see.” You took another moment to use all your force against it before standing up straight and breathing heavily, “I know it sounds dumb cause they’re only chickens but it feels cruel to make ‘em watch, y’know?” You went back to pushing the round and Arvin approached behind you. 

From here he could see the blood stains in the wood. It looked as if the blood had been washed off but the wood had been stained crimson regardless. There was also a divot where an axe had clearly been driven down many times over the years, chipping away at the wood. 

Arvin’s heart actually warmed a little at your attempt to show mercy and your willingness to go out of your way to spare some chickens’ feelings. It wasn’t something he was sure he’d do himself but when he heard you say it, he realized you had a point. It was cruel to imprison a bunch of animals and then lead them out one by one to be slaughtered in front of everyone, each animal waiting their turn. “Here, take ‘er back. Let me.” Arvin stepped in, handing Patty back over to you and bending down to lift the round onto its side with much effort. The wood had to weigh at least a hundred pounds and had long since settled into the ground where it had been placed when you were a child.

Your eyes widened as you watched his biceps bulge, straining the material of his blue t-shirt. You’d never seen a man with muscles like that before and you found your eyes trailing along his arms, following every popping vein from the tops of his hands, up his forearms, and onto his biceps until they disappeared beneath his shirt. It was something you hadn’t expected to see in him. Arvin looked like a quiet, polite, hardworking young man but you never would have imagined the immaculate muscles he possessed. You found your mind wandering to what other surprises laid in store beneath all those layers he wo- 

You needed to calm yourself down. If only he could hear your thoughts, he surely would be furious and disgusted with you. You hadn’t had such impure thoughts since that one time you had been messing around with Jimmy Bates in the backseat of his old car back in your senior year of high school. The two of you didn’t even go all the way but you went far enough and the guilt ate you alive since the two of you were never officially together anyways. He was just the cute boy from high school that you had pined over years that had finally given you the chance right before he shipped off to join the war. 

“This alright?” Arvin asked, shaking you from your fantasy, and you snapped back into reality to realize he had rolled the wood round around the side of the coop behind the wooden wall, outside of the other chickens’ views. 

You nodded and walked over to him, “That’s perfect. Thank you so much for doin’ that. I know it’s sorta stupid.” 

Arvin shook his head, putting his hands on his hips, “If it means somethin’ to you, it ain’t stupid at all. Besides, now that you pointed it out, it was a little barbaric.” 

You smiled up at him, one which he returned. How was this boy so damn nice? Was this some cosmic way of the universe finally giving you something good in your life? You’d become so calloused to your father’s harsh words and barked commands that you had forgotten how nice it was to feel cared about and validated. And you barely knew him. 

“‘M glad you think so.” You looked down at Patty in your arms and any good feelings you’d had melted to sadness and fear. “You been a good girl, Patty. I know you struggled with layin’ eggs for a while but you were always a good girl. Never bit me once unlike some of them other hens.” You weren’t often very soft and vulnerable but you were about to take something’s life for the first time and you couldn’t help but feel the weight of that on your heart. If this were a life or death situation, you would feel better about it, but it wasn’t. The only reason Patty had to die was because your father would throw a fit if she didn’t. 

You carried her to the log and gave her a little kiss on the top of the head, “Please don’t hate me but I understand if you do. Say hi to my momma for me, will you? Tell her I love and miss her.” You set her down and got her in the position you always saw your dad put the other chickens in before he chopped their heads off. Arvin handed you the axe with uncertainty but watched on as you struggled to bring yourself to finish the deed. 

You held her down and you could tell by the way she was flailing that she was panicking now. Patty was well aware of what was happening. “I’m sorry!” You choked, tears welling up in your eyes as her panic began to turn into your own panic. How did people do this? Why was this so freaking difficult? 

Tossing the axe slightly in your hand, you readjusted the handle and just as you went to swing, Arvin piped up, “I can do it.” 

You looked over at him, the afternoon sun reflecting the tears in your eyes and making the color of your irises stand out in tragic beauty. “I-I- Would you really not mind?” You breathed out in relief. 

Arvin stepped forward and you handed the axe out to him, “I don’t mind.” You held onto Patty until Arvin could position her just right as well. He had no idea what he was doing - he’d never had to slaughter a chicken before. He had heard that all you had to do was cut their head off though and then he’d heard the rumors of them running around like crazy even after their head hit the ground. How hard could it be? 

Once he had the hen pinned down where he wanted her, he looked up to see you chewing on your thumb, brows knitted in discomfort. It wasn’t the first chicken you’d watched get slaughtered but it was far from something you enjoyed observing. Arvin signaled to you with a nod before raising the axe above his head and you shut your eyes tight, flinching at the sound of the old metal head thudding into the old wood. 

**

You had the carcass sitting in the sink while you pulled off the blood soaked feathers, depositing them into the trash bin by the handful. This part was easier for you, something you’d done many times in the past. “Thank you for doin’ that. I’m sorry I’m such a baby.” 

Arvin sat at the kitchen table behind you, “You ain’t a baby just cause you don’t like to kill things. I’d say it’s probably rather normal.” 

The time was inching closer to four o’clock now and the sun was beginning to hang ever so slightly lower in the sky, the precursor to sunset. It was warm outside and a cool spring breeze blew in through the open window above the sink. You snickered as you pulled another handful of feathers out, “Yeah? That mean you ain’t normal?” You looked over at him with a playful glint in your eye but your smile fell when you saw an uncomfortable look cross his face, almost like he’d seen a ghost. 

“I ain’t never said I liked killin’ either.” Arvin attempted to match your joking tone but it was pretty evident there was a weight behind his words. 

“Hey, I‘m sorry. I was only jokin’.” A pang of guilt washed over you but it was only that. A joke. You hadn’t imagined teasing him over something like killing a chicken would set him off, especially since he volunteered to do it for you, but apparently you were wrong. 

Arvin sniffed and scratched his nose, “I know.” After a moment of awkward silence, he stood, “Let me give you a hand. What do you need done?” 

You scanned his face once more to make sure he was really okay but you decided to drop it when you saw his insistent look. You shook your head, “I got it. It ain’t much after I get this all gutted and cleaned.” You picked up the mostly featherless carcass by the wings and plopped it back down into the sink. 

“Well ‘m sure there’s vegetables or somethin’ else that goes with it, right? Let me start cuttin’ those up.” His persistence was adorable, making your heart flutter in the most wonderful way. The idea of a man actually being helpful was unknown to you before Arvin. Your life had been filled with your dad’s drunken bossings since you were twelve years old. You couldn’t remember the last time a genuinely kind voice offered you anything more than a smile on the street, not that you took that for granted. Arvin was just different though. Noble and helpful and kind. 

“You really don’t have to-” 

“Yeah, you keep sayin’ that but I really do want to help. So what can I do to make things easier on you?” He took a few steps closer to you until you felt the beginning of what could have been sparks if he stepped any nearer, like when you hold two magnets a few inches apart and you can feel the energy between them, that hint of attraction, but it’s not quite close enough to pull them together. 

The blush in your cheeks at his simple gesture made you break the eye contact with a nervous laugh of retreat, “Okay, fine. If you’re gonna be so insistent,” you drew out with a teasing drawl, “you can cut up veggies. There’s potatoes over there and carrots and zucchini in the fridge.” 

Arvin’s lips turned up in a small smile when you finally resigned your stubborn ways and he went off to find the vegetables where you had directed him. 

Needless to say, when your father came home from the bar to find you and Arvin talking over a song by the Platters playing on the radio with Arvin cleaning up the dishes while you tossed together the vegetables and the seasoning, he was less than pleased. 

“What the hell is going on here?” His slurred speech made your eyes widen in fear. He was supposed to get home later like he always did. But then you found yourself chiding your irresponsibility. Why the hell would you take that chance? You knew better than to let Arvin help out and now you were gonna pay. 

Arvin sensed the way you tensed up beside him and watched as you spun around to face your father with haste, “Just finishin’ up dinner now. Should be ready by six so you got more than enough time to take a sho-” 

“Why the fuck is he doin’ the dishes?” You father was leaning against the wall, clearly relying on the structure for support. This wasn’t the time to test him, not with Arvin here. It was times like this when he’d start throwing stuff at you. 

Before you could say anything, Arvin piped up firmly but respectfully, “I offered, sir. It’s no problem at all.” 

Your dad pointed at Arvin, “A man ain’t got no place with his hands in a sink of dishes. You leave that shit to her and she’ll just grab you a beer.” He stumbled over his own feet before catching himself ungracefully. 

Arvin’s jaw set tightly and you gripped the countertop with white knuckles behind you. Times like this, you weren’t even sure what to say anymore. No amount of standing up for yourself got you anywhere with him. You never made any headway with your dad’s sexist views on gender roles. It was pointless. The only thing to do was try and work your way to supporting yourself so you could get the hell out of dodge and never look back. 

Arvin’s voice surprised you, “A man’s place is helpin’ out the women in his life when they need, not leavin’ ‘em to do all the housework themselves.” You nearly choked on your own tongue at his words. It was a bold statement for a man to make, especially to the head of the house that was being so gracious as to host him free of charge, but he didn’t back down. It appeared like the jab was lost on your drunken father but Arvin continued with a slightly less accusatory comment to diffuse the situation regardless, “I grew up helpin’ my grandma with all the house chores so I really don’t mind at all.” 

You watched the way your dad eyed Arvin and then you before scoffing and grumbling incoherently as he shuffled his way into the living room. You let out a breath you hadn’t realized you’d been holding. “I don’t want you gettin’ kicked out ‘cause of me. You didn’t have to say nothin’.” 

Arvin glared at where your father had disappeared and nodded, “Yeah, I did. You don’t deserve all the shit he gives you.” 

You suddenly found yourself avoiding his eyes and twisting your lips. He was right and you were well aware of that fact. The abuse your dad put you through was uncalled for at best. The fact that Arvin had actually taken the time to not only notice the same fact but acknowledge it and stand up for you was something you never thought you’d hear someone do. It made you uncomfortable. You’d been fighting this battle by yourself for so long that letting somebody even know it was being waged was enough to make you want to sink away. Even so, a part of you wanted to let Arvin keep standing up for you. It made you feel weak after having to stand up for yourself for so long but also validated. 

Your eyes flicked up to meet his for only a moment before turning back towards dinner that sat in a roasting pan on the stove, “Thank you.” 

______

Taglist: 

@thisisparadisemylove

@justapurrcat

[harrysweasleys]

in this house, you are safe // s.w

summary: seeing sam for the first time after the events of the tfatws finale

warnings: obviously, tfatws spoilers!! mentions of food, alcohol, language, death

word count: 3k

a/n: i wrote this because i love sam wilson with my whole dang heart and i will forever. also yes i am sorry i’m so late on making my mcu taglist but i will make the form this weekend! :) x

After a few days, you had begun to feel at ease in Louisiana. The small town by the water had become a second home, and the people were some of the kindest you had ever met. Sam really hadn’t been joking when he said they’d welcome you with open arms.

Before he left for Latvia to hunt down Karli and the rest of the Flagsmashers, he had told you to go stay with his sister and nephews. So, unwilling to argue with him while he was already stressed, you agreed, and were now occupying the spare room in Sarah’s home. She had been impossibly sweet since your arrival — helping you settle down, driving you if you needed to go anywhere since you didn’t have your own vehicle with you — and you had repaid her by doing the chores. The cooking, the cleaning, the dishes, the groceries, things of that sort.

As a single mother with two boys and a family business to run, you wanted to bring her as little hassle as possible. The last thing you wanted was to make things harder for her.

Plus, all of these things served as a good distraction while Sam was away. Though you trusted him and knew what he was capable of, the constant nagging worry in your mind never seemed to ease. That’s what it was like to be engaged to a superhero, right? Never knowing when they were going to come back — if they were going to come back.

The last you had seen him, he had been fixing the boat with Bucky who had handed him a ‘gift’ from Wakanda. Sam didn’t show you what was inside it, but from the smirk that was on his face when he left with it, you had a feeling that you might know what was up.

So, you had been rather glad that there were so many things to keep you occupied around town and in the house, as you would most likely be losing your mind otherwise. You barely slept full nights, and every time you heard from Sam, whether it be by text or phone call, you always wondered if it would be the last. And that very thought prevented you from getting a good night’s sleep.

As another afternoon rolled around, your hands covered in dish soap as you scrubbed the plates from this morning’s breakfast, you couldn’t help but wonder when he’d be back. He had left earlier yesterday after realizing Karli might be planning an attack in New York, but you weren’t sure how long that was going to last. You hadn’t heard from him since him and Bucky had walked out the front door.

You were cut short of your panicked thoughts when quiet footsteps from behind alerted you that Sarah had entered the kitchen. You knew it had to be her as the boys had already left that morning for school.

“How are you holding up?”

You turned to face her, furrowing your eyebrows at her question, “I’m alright, why?”

She sat slowly onto a kitchen chair and patted the one next to her, “With Sam being away. I know it’s been tough on you. Now with the boys being out of the house I figured we’d have some time to ourselves to talk. You know, as future sisters-in-law.”

You dropped the towel you were using onto the counter and walked over with a small smile on your face, drying your hands on your pants before taking a seat, “Oh, that. I’ve been alright. I mean, it can’t be worse than him being gone for five years, you know?” A humourless laugh escaped your lips and Sarah gave a small chuckle.

“I get that,” she nodded, “I’m just letting you know that I’m here if ever you need anything.”

“I don’t want to burden you with all of my thoughts,” you grinned, leaning over the table, “You’ve got more than enough on your plate, super mom.”

She beamed at the nickname, shaking her head as she let out a small laugh, “You two are lucky to have each other. And I swear that boy will get an ass-whoppin’ if he ever makes you feel like you’re not a part of this family.”

“Oh, you don’t have to worry about that,” you grinned, “He’s always made sure that I feel welcome. You really have an amazing brother, you know?” you could feel your cheeks beginning to get sore as you kept talking, “He’s never once made me feel like I didn’t belong. And it’s one of the reasons I can’t wait to spend the rest of my life with him,” you began to toy with the ring on your left hand, “Because I know that no matter where we end up, it’ll feel like home.”

The kitchen was silent for a moment and you felt a bit of embarrassment at the fact that you just blabbed all of your lovey-dovey nonsense to your fiancé’s sister.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to rant,” you apologized, tilting your head so that you were looking down at the ring. In the shimmering light of the diamond, you could see your entire life with Sam. From the moment you first met him, to the day he got down on one knee, to the distant future where you two would be struggling to help each other off of the couch after watching game shows all day.

She placed her hand on top of yours, “You're part of the family now, and I think the boys really like you too. Yesterday they asked why you weren’t the one who was picking them up from school.”

Warmth spread through you at her words and you felt your throat being to sting as a wave of graduate flooded over you. You were a little overwhelmed, but in a good way. Sam’s family has been nothing but open and accepting since the moment you met them, and you couldn’t help but wonder what you had done to get so lucky.

You let out a small chuckle, “I can pick them up today, if you want. Saves you the drive.”

She raised her hands in the air, not arguing with you one bit, “Oh, you know I won’t be saying no to that. They finish at three and the keys are by the front door. Thanks, Y/N.”

You shot her a thumbs up, “Don’t thank me, super mom.”

As she stood and walked out of the kitchen, you could hear her laughter echoing down the hall, bringing a smile to your face as you made your way back to the sink.

——

The sun had set on the gorgeous town by the docks, and that meant that it was another evening where you found yourself wondering what Sam was up to. You hadn’t heard from him in over a day and your mind was running alight with possible scenarios as to what could have happened to him. This felt like a regular occurrence nowadays. It was as if the only thing that was written in your daily calendar was “8 o’clock: worry. 10 o’clock: worry.”

Luckily for you, though, tonight you had a distraction. As Sarah was tucking the boys into bed, you made your way over to the kitchen to grab a bottle of wine. She had bought one today in hopes of sharing it with you as the two of you watched crappy television after an exhausting day of cleaning up around the house. You two deserved it, as she kindly put it.

You grabbed the bottle, along with two glasses, and made your way to the living room. They were quietly placed onto the coffee table as you flopped down onto the couch, grabbing the remote and flicking it on.

The first channel that was on was the news. Usually you wouldn’t care and would just flip it to another channel, but your attention was caught rather quickly and you nearly dropped the damned remote to the floor.

On your screen, donned in a white suit with red and blue Stars and Stripes, stood Sam. His previously-destroyed wings appeared to be fixed, sticking out of the pack on his back as he lowered to the ground, holding the body of a young girl in his arms. You looked at what he was wearing and immediately you knew that your intuition was right; Bucky had given him a new suit.

“Holy shit,” you muttered, mouth hanging slack, “Sarah!”

She entered the living room nearly immediately as you called her name, shushing you by bringing a finger to her lips. However, she dropped it as soon as her eyes caught sight of the television screen.

“Is that…?”

“Yep,” you nodded, standing up and stepping closer to the screen. Sam was surrounded by cop cars and ambulances, but he wasn’t the one in danger. If anything, it seemed like his instinct was right about the attack in New York.

He lowered the body onto a stretcher and right away, you could tell it was Karli. Her face has been plastered nearly everywhere so it wasn’t difficult to identify her.

Both you and Sarah were silent as the stretcher was pulled away, the cameraman following Sam as he walked up to a couple of Senators — who you figured were probably the ones in danger.

You felt as if you were about to collapse as you watched him in the Captain America suit, both concern and pride bubbling in your chest. Your entire body was numb and tingly and your heart was damn near about to burst out of your chest.

It was hard to tell if Sam felt successful or not — a frown was etched onto his face and his eyes held a level of intensity that you rarely saw in him. You knew the whole John Walker situation had been difficult for him to deal with, but that really only made this moment that much sweeter.

He spoke to them for a couple of moments, asking a few questions about their future plans, before you could tell that he was about to snap. You couldn’t know what he had just been through, but you knew that he didn’t classify Karli as a villain. That she was just someone who got the shit end of the stick in a world that was struggling to reform. He didn’t want to kill her, he wanted to save her.

“You have to stop calling them terrorists,” Sam finally said, shaking his head a bit before facing the man across from him.

“Well, what else would we call them?” he asked, clearly unimpressed at the fact that he was currently being told off on camera. He started defending himself, but Sam quipped back. He had always been so well-spoken and intelligent, and that clearly wasn’t changing now that he was Captain America.

You slowly sat back down as you listened to Sam speak. You had always known him to be inspiring, caring, loyal, and strong. But now the world was going to see that too, and you couldn’t be more proud. Once again, you began to absentmindedly play with the ring upon your finger, twirling it and fighting a massive grin as you watched your future husband stand up for what he knew was right.

Sarah sat next to you, and neither of you could take your eyes off of the screen. You couldn’t even bring yourself to blink, too worried you might miss something.

“A few people have just as much power as an insane God, or a misguided teenager. The question you have to ask yourself is how you’re going to use it,” Sam’s voice was lower than usual, and there was no hint of amusement on any of his features. It wasn’t often that he was like this, but now that he was representing something bigger, something more, you could already sense the change.

You could feel the corners of your lips curve up into a small smile as you watched him walk away and join another familiar face; Bucky, who nearly looked as proud as you felt. The two of them walked away and the cameras panned back to a building, cutting off the conversation that the Senators were now having. You wished you could hear it so you could recount it to Sam, but at the moment, you were too filled with adrenaline and pride to even remotely focus on anything anyone was saying.

Sam was now officially Cap.

Your Sam Wilson was Captain America.

——

Somehow, Sarah had managed to make her way up to bed and sleep. After seeing what you two had just seen, you weren’t sure how she could even bring herself to relax. Because you on the other hand were extremely worked up — pacing around the living room, sending Sam a text every now and then, munching on any snacks you could find, and waiting anxiously to see if he’d be coming home tonight. Your mind was struggling to come to terms with the events of the last few hours and you weren’t sure what you wanted to do right now.

“Come on, pick up,” you mumbled, holding your phone to your ear as the dial continued to ring, signalling that he hadn’t answered your call. You knew he was probably insanely busy after what he just went through, but you were desperate to just take a minute and talk to him.

You let out a groan when his voicemail message popped up for the seventeenth time that night. He’d probably pick up his phone in about an hour and freak out at the amount of texts and missed calls, but who cares? You just found out your fiancé had become Captain America — you had the right to reach out. And you almost felt bad in advance for the amount of questions you were going to ask when you finally got the chance to speak to him.

The cushion of the couch felt soft as you sat back down, pursing your lips and glancing down at your phone screen on the off chance that Sam had sent a text within the last few seconds. Of course, there was nothing there, as expected.

“Sorry I couldn’t answer sooner.”

You jumped off the couch as a quiet voice spoke up behind you. Instinctively, you grabbed one of the unused wine glasses and launched it in the direction of the voice, but a hand came and snatched it out of the air.

“Sam?” you asked, struggling to keep your voice down and hoping to god that you weren’t about to get attacked, “Is that you?”

He stepped out of the kitchen and into the open room, goggles off and a bright smile on his face. He was still wearing the suit, having probably flown over not that long ago, but he looked a lot more at ease than he had on the television a few hours prior.

“Holy crap,” you exhaled, rushing over to wrap your arms around him. The suit felt unfamiliar under your embrace, but he smelled the same, and his skin was still warm under yours. You had a feeling you might be squeezing a little hard, but he didn’t seem to mind. His own arms wrapped around you, his head resting against yours.

“I saw you on TV and…,” you pulled away and placed your hand against his cheek, “Are you okay? Are you hurt? Did you win? What happened? And is this what Bucky gave you? It looks really good.”

He chuckled at your rambling, “You think the suit looks good, huh?”

You nearly scoffed at the way he wiggled his eyebrows.

“All of those questions and you choose to respond to just the compliment,” you laughed, bringing your lips to his cheek and placing a quick kiss, refusing to let go of him. A small part of you was worried that if you did end up letting go, he’d have to leave again.

“I’m kidding,” he let out a small chuckle and brought one of his hands up to caress the back of your head, gazing into your eyes, “We can talk about all that tomorrow, I can’t do this tonight. But I do have to say this: I honestly couldn’t have done any of this without you.”

You frowned, furrowing your eyebrows, “That’s not true. You’re an incredible man, Sam. You deserve all of this.”

He nodded, “That’s not what I meant. You know that expression; behind every successful man is a successful woman, or something along those lines? Well, that’s you. You’re the one who has always pushed me to be better. You’re the one who has been there when I’ve failed. The one who was there to help me back onto my feet and keep pushing, keep believing in myself. I may be the one in the suit, but I think you’re the real superhero here.”

You felt a warmth creep up through your body at his words and you had to bite your lower lip to hide the smirk that was threatening to take over.

“I guess that’s why I’m wearing this, huh?” you raised your left hand, twiddling your fingers to show off the ring that sat there.

He leaned forwards, pressing a kiss upon the diamond, and grinned, “That’s exactly why you’re wearing that.”

You were certain that your cheeks would hurt tomorrow due to how much you were smiling, but that was just the effect that Sam had on you. He was alive, he was safe, and he was in your arms. And honestly, you couldn’t ask for much more than that.

“Now, I’m exhausted from kicking ass all night,” he let out an exaggerated sigh, “What do you say we head off to bed? I’m pretty damn happy that I got to come home to you, and all I want to do is go get comfortable with my princess by my side.”

Leaning forward on your tiptoes and pressing a light kiss against his lips, you mumbled, “I strongly support that.”

He removed the wing pack from his shoulders as quietly as possible and sat it on the kitchen table, following you upstairs with his hand linked in yours. His fingers held you tightly and you knew that he was more relieved than ever to be home.

Finally, you’d be able to sleep well, knowing Sam was safe and sound by your side.