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daz4i · 7 months

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ok ok rather than make a bunch of annoying vent posts i'm just gonna put everything on my mind all in one post to let it out 🔥 you absolutely do not need to read this, this is honestly so ridiculously long. my brain better feel clean for like at least 2 days after this fr

i knew i was gonna crash after this week and i think this is it 🥲 i was so tense for literally a whole week (even more tbh, bc i was preemptively scared of how much i have to do too) and i think the adrenaline drop kicked in after the peak of this one (aka being in a big social event. haven't been to one of those in literal years)

also. my parents have been sick this week and i think i maybe have contracted it too? 😭 if that is indeed the case it literally kicked in in the last like hour of the event, i was perfectly fine beforehand bc i avoided being in the same closed space as them when i could (aka kept my distance or made sure windows were open around me all the time jic). bc suddenly my whole body hurts like it hasn't in a long while. tho that might be the adrenaline crash too who knows 🥲 ig i'll see how i feel when i wake up

i have not been creative in awhile and i can feel my brain drowning in gunk lol. technically i tried writing songs a couple of times lately but they came out so bad i can't finish them. or anything. and i feel like shit abt failing to create literally anything. and i keep seeing people be creative and make so much or sharing their work fearlessly and it's always so much better than mine too that i'm burning with jealousy that i can't turn off (and can't channel into my own creation bc well. it comes out shitty! so the cycle not only continues but in fact gets worse each time). every time someone tells me i'm good it feels like they're lying to make me feel better or bc they love me so they're. biased and see everything i make as good bc it's me, so i can't count that. every time *i* feel like smth i made is good there's some glaring imperfection i don't know how to iron out so i start hating the whole piece. i don't know how to become better when every time i try to practice i end up wanting to claw my own eyes out as punishment for being so talentless and dumb

(the dumb thing too is. oh my god this is gonna sound so silly but. i try to make myself feel better by solving puzzles or trivia or riddles etc bc these are things i'm usually good at. but lately i can't be proud of myself for succeeding at any of them, and i keep beating myself harder for every time i fail or don't do as well as i used to, bc it feels like i'm failing at the only thing i'm supposed to be good at. also i just generally keep doing stupid things lately esp when it comes to my time management or taking care of my body in various ways, i keep forgetting things which is smth i almost never do, i struggle to get through conversations with others bc i trip over my words or make mistakes constantly, generally i'm just being stupid in various ways)

right now i am. so anxious. about so many things. here let me just make it into a list starting with very small to. probably still small but it feels big to me

1. this is so silly but. i am literally too tired to put small earrings back in after changing them to long one for the party. and i'm scared the holes will close up in my sleep. but this is literally so much work 💔 idk if the holes haven't healed properly or if i'm using the wrong metal so i keep getting infections bc it's been A While (two years. apparently. maybe more??) and they haven't healed yet. like i said a silly thing to get stressed over but i am. very tense

2. i don't know. if the people i knew in the party actually didn't recognize me or if they ignored me on purpose. bc i stood next to some of them while my besties were talking to them too and they didn't even say hi (or like introduced themselves the way others that i didn't know have done). one of them was literally my bestie for a good few months a few years ago and even tho i grew a beard i. don't think i changed THAT much??? also i don't think it's hard to make the connection abt who i am given how tight this community is. someone i haven't talked to since like 2015 bc we had beef recognized me even. so how come they didn't. i met one in a con recently and she did recognize me so. h. did i do something wrong. did someone say smth bad about me. i don't know i don't understand social rules enough to figure it out 😭

3. this is another thing abt that tbh 🥲 while it was very fun and a super cool event, it did remind me very painfully of why my social anxiety is so bad 😭 i felt like i made 10 social errors per minute. i didn't know what to say half the time so i just smiled or laughed and i think that made me seem creepy idk. a lot of people were very nice and i think i did mostly fine with them but also maybe not. idk. i am definitely overthinking things but what if i'm right. it's not that out of the question. i am known to fail social interactions there's a reason why i do my best to avoid them

4. and this is kinda bringing me to a thing i have on my mind a lot recently. bc i'm doing the recovery thing. and a lot of people - friends family and professionals who help me there - tell me i am capable of more than i think or admit. and i get WHY they think that bc i *am* doing a lot compared to the literal nothing i've been up to for years. but i am very much pushing outside my limits, which is why i'm constantly feeling like shit lately i think (not that i was doing great before but. yeah). it probably seems mostly effortless bc i just do them without beating much around the bush but that's only when i mentally prepare myself days or even weeks ahead (for reference, i'm talking about things like. being in public. or taking a bus). or the work i do for projects that... honestly idk how i'm doing that either. i am the laziest person ever and i have no ability to concentrate yet i managed to sit down and do work and do it well and learn text by heart and research and write for hours and ??? it does not feel like myself. but it also kinda does bc i need to very forcefully push myself into it and berate myself for hours until i actually get up to do anything so. it's not smth that comes naturally to me. i don't consider myself capable of things. i'm just very good at pretending i'm unbothered (up until i start crying uncontrollably at least lol) so ppl think i am. unfortunately. bc then they expect me to do more. or they pressure me into it then get disappointed when i can't do it (ig that's the core of it for me... i don't want anyone to develop expectations about me, bc i know i won't be able to meet them, at least not long term. so i insist i can't do anything, bc sometimes - often - i really really can't. i don't wanna be judged by my best. feels false to even call it that tbh. but that's bc it's so rare, it's the best for a reason, the absolute peak i can get to, as pathetic as it is. bc the problem is, when this is already beyond my limits, i literally can't go further, but that's what they want me to do 💔)

5. god. this is also a small thing probably but the accidental lie i mentioned. for context i am giving a lecture abt p5's mythology in the next con, that's the thing i was working on lately. anyway when i signed up i gave background information about myself, and to make myself sound more fitting for the job i said that i learned the topic in [university that specializes in said topic] bc i did - just. 2 classes. that's it. i was telling the truth there, technically (most of my knowledge on the topic comes from independent research, but the classes i took did help with that too, as in i knew where to look for info and things to look out for) (also for reference i'm gonna be fr. i did not finish these classes. social anxiety got to me and i was scared to go to anything outside zoom lessons which weren't an option anymore unfortunately)

ANYWAY when they told me i got in they sent me a "revised" bio which was just what i originally sent them, so i said okay. but now the whole thingie was posted and i can see my bio there and. they said i graduated from [uni] and used language that implies i have a degree in it, probably to make me sound more credible, but it's not true!!!! 😭😭😭 the thing i said was definitely embellishment but it WAS true enough that if asked directly about it i could spin it somehow ("oh i haven't finished yet" "yeah i took a couple of classes when i could to enrich my knowledge") but this. makes it so much harder

chances are i won't be asked bc why would anyone ask abt that. but ever since i started writing the script i was so stressed about people calling me out for being wrong abt info, so i even added a disclaimer of "these are old texts that have many versions that vary according to location or were changed with time uwu if you know a different version of this story that's probably why uwu" and "due to the time constraint i'm giving a very simplified and short version of this topic uwu" bc given that i'm talking a lot abt judaism. to a mainly (or most likely, entirely) jewish audience. it's enough that there is someone who is religious or previously ultra orthodox in the audience that if i make a mistake they could point it out. and then i'll start panicking and lose my train of thought and fuck everything up while i'm already so stressed as is and-

so like i've been super stressed abt all that^ until now but that misinfo in my bio is raising the stakes for me 😭 bc now what if someone who went to this uni and majored in this topic calls me out on never seeing me there. or they can tell the info i'm giving isn't smth that's taught there or isn't the way it's taught there. this is such a specific and unlikely fear but i can't not stress about it because TECHNICALLY it's possible, it COULD happen even if that's not too likely

6. all of this is while i'm also struggling with bureaucracy around that art program i'm signing up to, idk if i'll get in yet or not bc i need some files to be approved and idk if they would, and idk what i'll do if they don't. or what if they do! i'm honestly so scared to start it, idk how i'm gonna go from nothing to waking up early and driving an hour 4 times a week to be active and around people for a few hours. tbh i don't think i can, but also if this gets approved then i have to, so the government's money doesn't get flushed down the toilet bc of me.

7. all this shit has a major impact on my physical health 🥲 not getting into details bc that's def tmi territory but. i'm fighting for my life over a certain stress-caused medical thing for weeks now. only other time i had it was when the war originally started so naturally i was extra stressed then, but like, this is to give you a reference for how majorly stressed i am now. my regular pains are flaring up more often too which makes things harder to handle as well (like, stressing abt not doing enough work, bc i'm literally in too much pain to do anything but lie down. or being scared of the plans i have for the week bc what if these pains catch me when i'm outside or with people. how am i supposed to push through them. what if they catch me when i'm in public and i have to sit down in the middle of the street. what if i'm with people and i'm holding them back from doing smth bc of that. etc etc)

8. ofc all this is happening during the war and i keep seeing things i really don't wanna see from ppl in my country and the west 🥲 and it's like, the mix of guilt over this happening at all, and the frustration over feeling like i have nothing to do about it, and fear about how things are gonna escalate in either direction, and seeing friends from other countries posting things i agree with but can't condone full heartedly bc well. this'll hurt me directly, as selfish as it sounds (tbf, when i say hurt me directly, i'm talking about me and my loved ones' lives being endangered), but also seeing said loved ones talking about things i can't agree with morally, yet can't fully refute either because life is. complicated. i have a lot more to say tbh but i'm too tired to acknowledge every single facet of every single related issue which will open me to a lot of hate so. best to leave it here. unfortunately

idk where to put this. sorry for the sudden topic change. it feels bad to be stressed over that but, there is a guy who i know likes me like a lot. i think i'm like exactly his taste and he's always so excited about seeing or talking to me. one of my besties - or maybe more. idk - really wants us to get together bc tbh it'll probably be good for both of us, and y'all know how desperate i am to be loved lol. but i can't bring myself to like him the way he likes me 💔 he's fun but i have a hard time with one on one interactions so i can't really progress things and tbh, idk if i'm currently in a mindset where i even should, given all that^. also i know for a fact i can't handle an actual relationship, and i'm scared i'll disappoint him or drive him away if i'll be my real unfiltered self, and ik i need to be obsessed with someone to get attached this quickly but i can't force it either. and to put it more directly... i'm perfect for him and his taste, but not the other way around 🥲 (tho tbf idk what my taste even is. i identify as aroace for a reason). i don't wanna string him along but i think i already kind of am 😭 i like him but not as much as he likes me, but what i probably like here even more is the feeling of being liked. and that makes me feel like a dick. i also feel guilty for not liking him the same way ig even tho ik it's stupid bc it's not like i can control it. and yet

so yeah this is. a lot of shit. all at once. both silly and not silly at all. my brain is in constant overload. i get violently suicidal every time i have a moment alone with my thoughts or when i see anything that reminds me of that. bc all this stress makes life feel so impossible - it IS impossible - that i can't handle the thought of it, but half of the things that cause me stress are supposed to be for the purpose of distracting me from how stressful everything is. so. what the fuck am i supposed to do about all that. how am i supposed to live like at all

#vent #this was written very out of order #i don't expect anyone to read this but if you do. 1 sorry 2 are you okay 3 i love you #it feels better to post things than to just write them in a doc yknow??#not sure why. maybe it's the feeling of not being alone with these thoughts ig. or getting some external validation #it did help tho. i feel like i can actually go to sleep now maybe. wow #edit: holy shit i just checked. this took nearly 2 hours to type. wtf. damn guess i really needed that akdkglhlj #btw if you do read this you gotta like this post 🧐 so. i know. bc i like knowing. sorry

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overbearingstruggles · 2 years

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Hi! Tbf I’m quite new to all this but what is the proof or why everyone thinks Alex and Janelle were dating again? Seems weird as I remember them back in the day and seeing thing make me think wtf 😅

So when I was making the Lisex separation timeline I fully realized just how much Alex/Janelle were impossible to pin down. Truly running on motherfucking vibes. If at the end of this you aren’t convinced I’m not even mad because when I say you had to be there noticing pretty normal posts in real time, I mean it!

Lemme start with including this little piece of crazy because personally(!!) I think in some way she helped fuel the Lisex separation. Alex is grown and he made whatever decisions may have lead to his farm vacation, but I cannot shake the way some things add up.

But fr, lemme just start with the singular Biggest Thing of her in his Magna Carta tshirt. If you aren't convinced with this being the biggest thing I Get It.

The first time we know of Alex and Janelle in the same space also happens to be the first time we see Alex being social in LA and shitfaced and having fun and they are scandalously (lol) sitting together on a counter. Suspicion starts immediately which seems unfair and yet

After that, she’s just always around. The only women seen here are girls who are dating these mens.

The rest of 2021 she is AT. THE. SHOWS. Erin and Shay are around often but she is everywhere! And she was never at ATL shows like this before when being besties with Jack.

Their first show is a drive in in Ventura, so LA adjacent, fine.

Their first proper show in Nashville

Lollapolooza - She had said Lolla was her first festival and she went for ATL? Friends? She gave good overalls content from the aftershow tho. Alex stays to hang at the gig with the girlies and to watch Miley

Back in Nashville for Sad Summer

She went to Vegas for their 2 in 1 day iHeart and Life is Beautiful performances which only Nano’s and Zack’s gfs went to

The comment about colored boxer briefs seemed ?? because of Alex wearing those jeans with high rips

She went in the pit at the LA show

There was a whole thing about a fan spotting them "on a date” at this Star Wars/nerd bar in LA called Scum and Villainy. Unfortunately the original blog that posted about it is deleted now.

Alex singing “Closing Time” at the end of a party and saying “time for Janelle to call us a car back home” and even this is like, well is he saying us as in he and Janelle? Or us as in the perspective of the other girls and Janelle is the one taking care? ???

She goes to AlterEgo in LA with several gfs + Erin. This is from after.

On Valentine’s Day, all the gf’s post about missing their mens because the guys were out of town and the LA girlies go out together. Janelle is always with the known gfs.

We will all die swearing this was a double date we cannot prove

She did her friend’s podcast and ?👂?

Now, Alex’s likes are pretty consistent but he doesn’t like the tshirt post and then becomes much less consistent. Not everything, but not nothing.

May is Erin’s birthday and everyone except Alex and Nano go to Mexico with the rest of the gang, but Alex does make this brunch. It’s nothing but seemed like it should be included idk. Alex and Janelle did sit next to each other but like, so what.

Granted this year has been super weird, but this was the last semi interesting thing she posted directly of ATL. Other friends/gfs went to this per usual but for once, not Janelle.

And then came the Halsey post and this questionable little jab and Alex swinging back to Lisa. There was this progression from being with the ATL crew all the time and then suddenly being back with her previous friend group more consistently again.

In conclusion, my gut says absolutely they were hooking up but I pretty much felt like this the entire time because who the fuck knows. So much blatant nothing between them felt like Something.

#I’ve never taken so long on an assignment but it has been a rollercoaster of a 2 weeks #and my laptop is broken rn this is so hard on mobile #I think I’ve made all the recaps I care to for now and I’m gonna take a nap #answered ask #awg #for more nothing lurk my tags #janelle #jh #recap #I love that this post is for me

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starjxsung · 2 months

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haiii bestie <3

i haaaaTe getting sunburnt so much. i feel for you so hard. i’m terrified for lolla bc i burn so badly. i can’t believe lolla is so soon! i feel like time went by so fast but so slow at the same time. idk if you’ll see this before lolla but do you know if they’ll sell skz merch? bc if so i will die :))) that’ll be a long-ass line

and frfr, i kinda noticed the skz beat but there were no lyrics so i didn’t really acknowledge the song so that kinda sucked a lot. i’m not too into mcu anymore but deadpool/ some x-men movies have a special place in my heart.

the baby is home already <3 they’re both doing well! they’re staying with my in-laws atm so i’ve seen him a few times already. he’s such a cutie but i’m absolutely terrified of newborns so every time they’re like “you can carry him” i’m like nah. thank you for all the good wishes <3

i haven’t received my albums yet :(( no kitty lix sucks tho </3 i am the opposite of you guys fr. i pull chan literally all the time. i just got my leebit and it came with two pcs and they were hyunjin and chan (the last albums ive purchased have been both of them together too). i’ve gotten a decent amount of lee know and jisung without having to buy them elsewhere but i have a feeling that my luck is changing. i have the least of felix btw he’s literally like an easter egg at this point. buuuut i think imma buy an album in chicago just to test my luck.

i literally just finished packing and i feel like ive left everything out bc it’s been ages since ive traveled like this (((: but so exciting, lolla!! and chicago in general.

i hope you’re doing well despite the sunburn! i love you (and your hanji pulls so much, i need them😭😭😭). i hope you have a safe flight!

-🐈‍⬛

HI BAEEEEE I’m getting to this so late but I just wrapped up my first day of lolla !!!!!! I secured skz merch (2 of the tshirts) and oh my god it is HOT OUTSIDE…. I was literally dripping in sweat the second I made my way through the gates and I looked a whole mess the entire day 😀 but we did see a few smaller acts and caught most of Chappell’s set so!!! It was a good day !!!! I’m fucking terrified for tomorrow though LMAO

I’m so glad baby’s doing well!!!! Sending you guys all the love and good vibes ahhh that’s such an exciting time 🥹💓 I’ve been told this is the best time for a mother when the baby is NEWWW new and there’s so many firsts !! I hope momma is doing well ❤️🫶

LITWRALLYYYYYYY FEEL U ON LIX BEING AN EASTER EGG I had so much luck in 5 star and rockstar era for lix but he is fucking impossible to pull this era 😭😭 KITTY LIX COME HOME TO MEEE NOWWWW I wanted to bring him to lolla too I’m so sad 💔

HAVE SOOO MUCH FUN TOMORROW BBY STAY SAFEEEE I’m gonna be at the skz stage the whole day since the minute they open the gates. RIPPPP I literally just want to make it out alive 💔💔 SKZ DAY SKZ DAY SKZ DAY

#🐈‍⬛ anon #ask

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like-wuatafauq · 4 months

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OH SORRY that's totally my bad, I read your reply last night when I was super sleepy so I must've jumbled up the details in my head >:(

But now that I think about it... 22 years wouldn't even make sense romantically speaking IDK what I was thinking 😭

Your dad is absolutely horrible for abandoning you like that though. I'm so sorry you had to go through something so painful. You don't deserve that kind of heartbreak and betrayal from a parent. That's just unforgivable :(((

But woah 8 years of pining romantically is still a really long time...

I feel you on being hopeful about finding real love someday. Don't put too much pressure on yourself about running out of time! 24 is still pretty young in the grand scheme of things. Plenty of time for your soulmate to come along ^^

And in the meantime if you're looking for volunteers... I mean I'd be happy to keep you company :D

Oops! Haha... just kidding... unless...🧍‍♀️

And I totally get not vibing with media that glamorizes something like love triangles or player behavior but Nana has a special place in my heart because it helped me get through some really tough times years ago. It also made me realize I had super heavy comphet back then LOL

Speaking of... you mentioned your English isn't very good. Does that mean you have a different native language? If so, what is it? :O

AND HAPPY PRIDE MONTH BTW!!!

From ♡

It's okay sometimes I answer asks really late too. And yeah I always hear that "you're still so young to find love" except in my mind if I want a family someday I have to build up trust with someone and its already hard for me to believe ppl.

As for ppl keeping me company, honestly I think I'm gonna wait it out, if my soulmate finds me I want her to know I waited for her. If she wants her spot warm then I'll be the only one sitting there.

And then she can sit on top of me when she gets here

Lmaoooo I'm so sorry about that,

But as for the Nana I'm glad that helped you :) fr fr ,don't get me wrong I love the art and a lot of the cute pictures of them together but when I find out more about it I get dizzy. (I genuinely get physical sickness when things involve player stuff)

And I mean I'm fluent in English it's not some drastic thing cuz I type/speak often in English but it's just I look up a lot of words meaning almost every single day. And if someone speaks quickly I might not fully catch it. I often don't understand phrases or words someone tells me. ive tried googling the phrases but google doesnt understand what im asking 🥲 in my mind I have English words cluttered in groups so a lot of the times I misused them when I speak or write. I feel so so so so bad when I do that.

For example one time I wanted to tell someone "I don't want you to think I'm codependent" because i was trying to express how i would like to have them around all the time but if you want space id like them to enjoy it(jfc even now i cant word it properly), anyway the point is I forgot the word codependent so I typed "I don't want you or need you"......yeah it was bad bro.

When me and my bestie were roommates I would say stuff and he thought I was mad but it's just my tone I say it and the words I use. I fuck up sooooo bad I'm constantly apologizing to ppl. So im fluent its just wonky but My native language is Spanish tho :)

Happy pride month to you too!!!

Do you have any pride month plans??

#anon #asks #♡ anon #i try tagging my asks so that i can manage who ive said what to lol😅#pride #pride month #happy pride 🌈#lesbian

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rainyrefrain · 4 months

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tell us abt your ocs!!

ask and you shall receive >:)

Nanya Forza(she/her) She's changed the most since her creation. At first, she was a mermaid OC for the book: Of Poseidon by Anna Banks (give it a read if you like enemies to lovers with a little bit of fake dating. Galen is a bit possessive tho) and she would get Toraf to fall in love with her. Then Toraf was super OOC and he turned into Remus, who I'll mention later.

Once she was no longer tied to a specific book, she changed once more. She was no longer a mermaid (but still a princess). She's going through a lot: her mom died, she'd caught her boyfriend cheating on her, and she was recently appointed as a Cabinet member.

Then I decided to scrap the whole princess thing and she's a law student in her senior year. Her dad is some rich oil guy and people generally hate him (myself included).

Nanya is kind of an introvert. She likes spending a lot of time by herself, but she's got huge attachment issues and needs people to survive. She's not one to seek confrontation and tends to keep quiet. However, she will tell you if she hates you. It's a strange combo ngl.

Anyway, I gave her a dog because she's totally a dog person. She drinks coffee more than tea, likes trashy reality tv, and should not be trusted behind the wheel (she barely passed her driver's test).

Remus Hwang(he/him) Like Nanya, he is the product of my OOC Toraf X OC fanfiction that will never see the light of day. He is Nanya's bodyguard in both of my first drafts. I mostly chose this for him because I didn't know how else to give Nanya friends where it's obvious they have at least some history. Also, he's her love interest.

In the college/non-monarchy storyline, he's a nursing student who found himself sitting at the same library table as Nanya but never actually speaking with her.

He's outgoing and caring; it seems like he makes a new friend every day. He tries his best to be someone people can trust and rely on. He's got really good memory, and makes an effort to remember details about others to understand them better.

He likes vinyl records, candles, jazz, dancing like no one's watching, and cooking (he's horrible at baking, but that won't stop him from baking you cupcakes for your birthday). He gives the best hugs and has a contagious laugh. I love him fr <3

Neveah Valiant(she/her) I decided that Nanya needed a girl bestie so I made Neveah. She's Nanya's roommate. She loves art and making things with her hands. Much like Remus, she's quite the social butterfly. She knows everything about everyone (which is surprising considering she has yet to figure out that Nanya and Remus are into each other). Idk she's a side character that kind of acts as someone Nanya can talk to so that I don't write exclusively inner dialogue.

Benjamin Valiant (he/they) They are Neveah's twin. He and Nanya were inseparable in middle and high school, as both shared a love for mystery and law. They hope to become a social worker because he feels a strong conviction to help people in need get out of bad situations. He has their own place, but he spends most of their time at Neveah and Nanya's apartment because they find it to be more cozy.

Phillip Danzell (he/him) I hate him from a reader's standpoint, but I love writing him so much. Phillip is Nanya's ex-boyfriend. He's also the child of rich parents and he treats life like it's a constant party. He's unemployed, not in school, and he simply goes and does what he pleases. He was only interested in Nanya because their parents are friends and it seemed convenient (Nanya's feelings were real though). He's constantly flipping from being charming and a gentleman to being an absolute prick; you never know which Phillip you're getting until he opens his mouth to talk.

#asked and answered #pigeonc0up #my ocs #she speaks

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jeanmoreaux · 8 months

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atlas complex anon logging on for the last time

i finished it like two days ago and i have been trying to process it and i truly just….don’t know what to do with it 😵‍💫

the other death was SO PAINFUL ACTUALLY and i am choosing to believe it didn’t happen (bc objectively it didn’t! if you think about it!!! *eye twitch*) — bc why would you write such a lovely passage A LOVE CONFESSION IF YOU WILL and then fucking MURDER HIM…AND THEN YOU DONT EVEN TELL US PLAINLY WHAT HAPPENED (again, i choose to believe he lives on, mr security camera man)

tbh both of those deaths confessed their love and then she was like “that’s nice please drop dead xoxo”

(me trying to be vague about spoilers but also who fuckin cares nobody is reading this book)

anyway here’s the deal. i think it was all bad writing but i got so lost in the sauce in the last 15% that i could convince myself that i Appreciate the Ending?? like sorry i just am stuck on IN EVERY CULTURE THERE IS BREAD…but also what the hell even happened in this book and why was it even more convoluted than it needed to be

need olivie blake to pay for my therapy

so excited to hear from you!!! yeah, that second death. OOF. literally hated it. and right after that wendy cope esque love confession SOBBING FR. he has been my bestie from day one and he will remain so forever. i love him!! and it wasn’t that his death didn’t hit me, but it hit me because i Did Not Want Him To Die and not because the death was written well and executed well narratively speaking. ngl i read it and was like. this is so stupid. why like this?? after all the build up why at all but WHY LIKE THIS. also yeah the crumbs with the scenarios and security camera make for a range of possibilities of what *actually* happened but i have to say it felt a little cheap to me. like blake could not decide one way or the other and instead just kept all the options open which felt very unsatisfying to me. the entire thing is similar to what blake did with gideon’s last pov chapter (and both together exemplify my issue with the ending): keeping options open and lines blurry so that you can headcanon you own way out of the mess she made. which is not the great move she might think it is because instead of writing a scenes where she can actually evokes emotions because she commits to a thing completely and unequivocally it’s all so vague that the reader is never made to fully grapple with one outcome or the other. you’re left in limbo and that’s why you feel so disconnected from everything happening (at least that’s how it was for me). i love open endings but what she did wasn’t an open ending (given that it’s the last 30% of the book lmao) but a lack of narrative commitment.

i am so glad you appreciate the ending!! wish that were me!!!! i would so love to mske my peace with it but i Can’t. these characters deserve better. i read the last two chapters and just thought ‘that was it? wow. i feel absolutely nothing. what a shame.’ tho i agree the bread line being a banger. it is Very good. and that’s the thing there are some good parts and lovely sentences and sentiments (the love confession you mentioned might be one of my favourite passages of the entire series!!) but as a whole tac simply did not deliver in a way that makes the last chapter or the ending in general hit for me. idk it’s nicely written but the emotional impact is minimal because the narration did nothing to build up to it in a meaningful and nuanced way???? like i get it and i understand it and i like it out of context but it has no impact IN context because the story preceding it doesn’t warrant it. or maybe i am just too bitter to see it lol. veryyy real possibility.

also you are so right what even happened in this book??? sooooo convoluted. instead of paying for my therapy i want blake to rewrite the book istg like pls i am begging on my knees.

((also this answer is veryyyy vaguely worded too. but i am sure you Get It.))

#loved reading this!!! <3 #thanks for coming back with more opinions #i hope you’re having a great day!! take care <3 #anon #answer

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witchie-writings · 3 years

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Okay besite its my first time doing a matchup so hopefully I do this shit right.

I’m 5’7 or 170cm and straight(but bi-curious? Guys only for the ask tho). I’ve got long brown hair with bangs plus hazel eyes. For body type I’m more on the curvier side I’ve always had big thighs and chest.

About personality…I don’t talk unless spoken to but when I become friends with someone I become very social and crack jokes a lot.

One of my bad habits is that I can never say no and that I do anything for people to like me, buying gifts, doing favours that they’ll never do for me ect.

I always put other above me, I would do anything for the people I love and care for. Going as far to even make myself suffer. I’ve also got pretty bad depression and body dismorphia. And because of that Im very self conscious from being bullied sense i can remember.

For hobbies, I game, listen to music and horseback ride. Plus I’ve got 3 pet ducks which i ADORE. I even build them a pool, house and fence! ( I’m like doomguy with his rabbit fr fr)

Anyways this is all i can think about rn sorry if it sucks im about to pass out from exhaustion. Love u bestie 😍🦆

love u too bestie <33 it took me a while to get to this ask because it was really hard to pinpoint one exact spartan for me to match you up with, but hopefully i got this right :)

also, i just wanna say that you're amazing and wonderful, you're perfect the way you are, and whoever says otherwise... me and knife anon will have a word🔪

I ship you with...

Jorge-052!

Jorge is titan amongst even spartans, but his heart is made of gold and petals. For you though, his heart becomes a blinding light to guide you out of the dark times.

He doesn't care for what you look like, not in the bad way. What he means is that he cares more for the personality than your looks, and honestly? You got this big man wrapped around your finger.

Jorge likely was the first one to talk to you amongst Noble, and boy, he got along with you quickly. He became absolutely enamoured with how social you are, and quite a jokster to boot! That's such a rare trait amongst many now and days, especially amongst spartans, so you were a very much welcomed bresh of fresh air for him.

Though what he slowly began to notice with his time with you was how you prioritized others above yourself, then that's when he steps in. He talks to you in private moments to try and help you start caring for yourself; he doesn't hides his opinion from you, but he makes sure to lay out his words in such a way to where it'll be encouragement rather than a lecture.

When people try to abuse your kindness and hiding under the fact they're doing it for their own gain? Jorge takes the leap and tells them to beat it. He's not letting others take advantage of the one he loves.

You might get upset by this, and maybe even feel terrible after the person leaves. But Jorge will tell you that your worth more than they'll ever be, no matter how much they try in vain to deny it.

Jorge loves your personality, no doubt about it, but he loves your body equally so. I don't know why, but to me personally, I always headcannon Jorge as being the type to prefer curvy or bulky women rather than on the skinner end. You're just so... hugable, loveable, and so much more.

The spartan II will be praising your body when you cuddle under a moonlit night, tucked away on his bunk and cuddling away without a care in the world.

If you ever try to retort and say your body isn't as good as he thinks it is, he'll be silencing you with a quick kiss on your lips.

Any time you try to put yourself down, think negatively, etc., Jorge will be there to hold you, care for you, hold your hand when you need it and be the shoulder to cry on when times are rough. He's not the type to be silent either, he will always be encouraging you through these dark times.

Don't ever, ever think you're not enough, because in reality? You were more than enough. You're stronger than you give yourself credit for, and even if the world turns against you, Jorge will always be by your side, along with the rest of Noble team. Through thick and thin, they'll stand with you. And like Hell they'll be leaving any time soon

Following the last point, no one has the guts to try and pick on you anymore. Jorge was already a big enough threat, the entirety of Noble Team? That's way more they could chew, and god's knows what they could get away with. It's fucking terrifying.

Now Jorge isn't the type to really game, or be the type to watch for a long period. It's just not his thing, he's more of the outdoor type of guy.

He'll try one game, but only a non-violent one like Animal Crossing, now that's a game he can sit down and play for.

Now he can't put down the switch, someone get Carter-

Would be really interested in your history of horseback riding! He, obviously, can't horseback ride, but he loves the horses! God, he loves and adores animals, except those ostrich looking motherfuckers. God keep them away from him.

BUT HE ALSO LOVES YOUR DUCKS A LOT AND I CAN COMPLETELY IMAGINE HE BECOMES THEIR FATHER FIGURE

No fucking joke he'll care for them like his own children, if you have a name for them he'll be in instant love and wants to be the father to more ducklings.

Will 100% help you around to care for the ducks. He builds them all sorts of shit that they're pretty much spoiled and they probably damn well know it.

#halo #halo reach #halo x reader #halo reach x reader #halo ce #halo combat evolved #halo ce x reader #halo combat evolved x reader #noble team #noble team x reader #halo reach noble team #jorge 052 #jorge 052 x reader #halo reach jorge 052 #noble team jorge 052 #match up #ship asks #match up asks

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rudolphsboyfriend · 3 years

Note

valentine’s day asks!

do you have a crush on anyone?

what’s your favorite candy?

favorite love song?

what was your first kiss like?

what was your last kiss like?

sexual/romantic orientation?

do you prefer poems or love letters?

favorite fanfic trope?

have you ever been in love?

favorite milkshake flavor?

dinner dates or brunch dates?

favorite flowers?

favorite perfume/cologne?

favorite candle scent?

what’s your ideal first date?

favorite love story?

what’s the most attractive thing a person could wear?

chocolate, vanilla, or red velvet?

snow, rain, or sun?

sweetest romantic memory?

favorite dating sim (and favorite character)?

fictional crushes?

what’s your dream wedding like?

what makes you blush?

do you believe in love at first sight?

do you believe in soulmates?

denim jackets, leather jackets, or bomber jackets?

what’s your sign?

are you single?

do you prefer to charm, or be charmed?

guitar or piano?

favorite romcom (or any romantic movie)?

do you fall in love easily?

valentine’s decorations: yay or nay?

would you prefer to propose or be proposed to? what’s your dream proposal?

cloud gazing or star gazing?

do you like to dance?

what’s your OTP?

kittens or puppies?

coffee, hot chocolate, or tea?

favorite soda?

do you prefer gazing wistfully out the window or lying dramatically over the sofa?

favorite ABBA song?

fuck/marry/kill? (anons name 3 people of your choice)

favorite pajamas?

favorite liquor?

do you think about love a lot?

a walk in the park or a walk on the beach?

hand kisses or nose kisses?

what’s your dreamhouse?

Oh my god/pos

I'm aromantic and valentine's day means practically nothing to me so idek why i reblogged that LMAOO

Well, I'm not a backer outer so here goes

1) nope

2. Uhhh. Idrk eat a lot of candy. I do love me a good dark chocolate tho

3. Kdjfmf that's a VERY broad category and I cannot answer with just one song 😞😞😔

4. Unexpected fr sure. It was ok i guess, I've obviously had better kisses after that

5. Wayyyyy too long ago 😩😩

6. Aromantic Bisexual!!

7. I am the BIGGEST sucker for poems <33

8. Oh god uh probably childhood friends to lovers. It's the pining for me

9. Lmao ❌

10. There's so many to choose from :") idk. Butterscotch? Chocolate? Vanilla is so good too! Idk bestie

11. Dinner dates only bcuz it takes me a whole day to mentally prepare myself to leave the house

12. Anything that's like a bunch of small flowers together! So like, Jasmine, Lavender, Lilac, stuff like that

13. Pls stop asking me for favourites I'm literally bisexual 😐😔 how am i supposed to choose ONE

14. ^ see above

15. Uhhh museum or bookstore followed by food <3

16. Refer q. 13

17. Not 2 be horny on main but uhhh suits make me go absolutely feral👍🏽 on any gender.

18. Im ASSUMING this means cakes, in which case red velvet

19. I've never actually seen snow </3 so rain probably. I'm a sun h8r

20. I literally don't feel romance so lmao

21. What even is a dating sim??? Like The Sims? Confusion

22. Babe,,... Bestie......... Too many to list in a comprehensive way

23. Probably smn fairly small, surrounded by people i genuinely care about. Beyond that I'm totally down for anything

24. I have never cared to notice. I blush sometimes when I'm rlly embarrased like the time i had to speak infront of a crowd and messed up so uh yea not too romantic

25. Nah not at all. Love is too deep an emotion. I do believe in the possibility-of-love at first sight tho. Like you see someone and u think, i want to learn more abt u and i could fall in love if i did.

26. Soulmates are made, not found. They're also not restricted to romance. Thats what i think.

27. I love and own all three <3

28. Libra :)

29. So very much yeah

30. Theoretically i would like 2 be the charmer. But when it's actually happened irl, both situations make me very uncomfortable

31. I play both lmao but! Piano is the loml, it's my favourite insturment hands down

32. Refer q13 and q16

33. I fall into infatuation easily, but that's purely physical. I definitely don't fall in love easily no.

34. I don't personally do them but I'm a sucker for the whole pink and red hearts aesthetic of it <3

35. I'm literally still a teenager lmao. Proposals are NOT smn i think abt a lot.

36. Star! Gazing! My! Beloved!

37. Alone in my room yes, in a big crowd.... Maybe bcuz there's some anonymity involved. With just a few other ppl... No

38. I literally have too many to remember please

39. Both.

40. All three r good but my fav is hot chocolate

41. I don't drink soda </3

42. Literally both i love both

43. Forgive me but i have never heard an ABBA song

44. Hey queen u need to guve me three people fr this lmao

45. ?? Idk i just sleep in shorts and a tshirt if that's what ur asking

46. I don't drink alcohol often, I've only had it like four times but uh. Definitely not vodka that shit tastes like hand sanitiser. Whisky is okay, wine is weird. That's all the liqour I've ever tasted.

47. Wayyy too much fr sure. It's not healthy

48. Park! I'm not the biggest fan of beaches.

49. Nose <3

50. Not too small, but enough space for me to live comfortably, very cost and very very personalised. As in filled with thigns that are important to me. Anything else is secondary.

Honestly this was rlly fun THANK U<33

#blue answers

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deadontheinsidebut · 4 years

Note

Hey bub! I was wondering if I could get a matchup ☞︎☜︎ I am a 5’7 ish straight female. I have wavy shoulder length floofy brown hair. I have lighter skin and freckles absolutely everywhere. I have brown eyes but one of them is darker than the other. not that it’s important I just think it’s cool. N E ways I am apparently a “bruh girl” my enneagram is 2 my MBTI is ENFP but I’m almost 50/50 on the introvert extrovert scale thingy. I have adhd so I get distracted as I ramble a lot so sorry if-(1/2)

SOFIE BB IM SO SORRY THIS TOOK SO LONG FOR ME TO ANSWER!! But fr tho I wasn’t being biased when I wrote this!! You two just fit!! I love you n I hope you have an amazing day!💗💗✨

I match you with...

✨Iwaizumi Hajime✨

Ok FIRST OF ALL!! I see Iwa-chan with both a Bruh girl AND a soft girl but in this case, he’s completely enamoured by your Bruh girl ass

Iwaizumi is NOT afraid to call you out on your bs!! If he feels like you’re a bit distracted when you’re supposed to be doing your work or scold you when you get distracted from your vball practice

He scolds you similarly to how he colds Oikawa except he’s never violent with you

The most he’ll do is bonk you on the head affectionately and call you an idiot

He LOVES that you play vball as well because now he has an excuse to not practice with Oikawa!! Yay for him !!

You guys bond over your love for vball and he gets worried about you when he sees your scraped/bruised skin from diving

So he always makes sure to help you clean up after afterwards and provides you with the ice pack if you need it

You and Oikawa get along SO WELL

It’s so chaotic when you two are together because now Iwaizumi has 2 idiots to take care of

And you and Oikawa LOVE to tease Iwa-chan because an angry iwa-chan is a hot iwa-chan🥵

But Iwaizumi only takes it out on Oikawa!! So it’s a 2 birds with one stone kinda thing for you because you get to make fun of your bf and also see your bestie get in trouble

Oh god

Tell Iwaizumi one of your dad jokes I dare you

He thinks they’re kind of stupid but tries his best to laugh at them so you don’t feel bad

And he goes on the internet to find some of his own to surprise you it’s actually hilarious

And Oikawa wants to be present everytime Iwaizumi tells a joke because it’s such a rare sight!!

Ok once you made him try on your “English professor clothing” and he lowkey looked so hot

You put Oikawa’s glasses on him and you went 😳😳

He’s actually a stud and the fact that you’re smaller than him means your clothes are super tight on him and his muscles look so defined

If he flexed on you the shirt would probably rip LOL

You make him dance with you to rock music and once you took a picture of him jamming out to your fave song and you’ve never let him live it down since

It’s honestly your leverage when you want smt

You two are just overall a pretty good balance as his calmer vibes pair well with your giddy ones

10/10 the couple that’s always up to smt and never fails to tell you a story about their adventures of you ask

#haikyuu!!#iwazumi hajime #haikyuu matchup

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ts-autumns-world · 3 years

Text

Episode 1: “Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host” - Giraffez

AHHHHHHH AUTUMNS WORLD HI!!!!!! THIS CAST IS AMAZING IM SO EXCITED AND SCARED!!! JINX YES!! AND 4 KILI PEOPLE INCLUDING LILY?? cant wait !!!

Omg! first day and im placed on the Eener tribe <3 love the way it sounds like an alarm so much ! xo love the tribe divisions and love my tribe mates! super excited to get to know them more, and reconnect with others :)

https://youtu.be/9P1GrFrTHnQ

---

it’s the way i keep putting my birthday as the date...as if this is a doctors office and not autumns world...I DONT NEED NO DOCTOR THO I AM CURED IN AUTUMNS WORLD ‼️‼️‼️ anyways manifesting a jinx win 🕯 hi my name is jinx and i am the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. i keep telling myself that. it’s okay to be hungry for the win like i am this time. i can’t let it blind me but it’s okay! it’s okay to say i’m gonna win! if i fail, it’s not smth i haven’t done before. but. im taking a page from autumns book and speaking it into existence. my name is jinx clementine and i WILL BE the winner of tumblr survivor 103: autumns world. *uptown funk vc* don’t believe me just WATCH ‼️

It feels absolutely insane to be back. I feel like I’m a bit oversaturated tbh

I can’t believe this cast. Packed with icons. So many people from Kilimanjaro?? I’m just like??? I’m just so excited to play and hope that our team does great. I just don’t want to lose cause I really don’t want to vote any of these other people out!

when i’m the annoying overactive player... i keep putting my birthday as the month/day/year 😭 so watch out for that. anyways, important announcement: the only song i ever listen to is potential breakup song by aly & aj. i never listen to anything else. if i feel like listening to music that’s what i listen to. it’s been on repeat since 2007. my itunes consists of 1 song, potential breakup song by aly & aj, and the play count is somewhere around 50,000 plays. if you ever see me listening to music, don’t even ask what song i’m listening to, because you know it’s potential breakup song by aly & aj, so why would you even ask

I don't give one fucks, two fucks, red fucks, or blue fucks, I'm gonna put all my effort and energy into this season. I have a point to prove, not to just myself, but to every person who has doubted me in any way. The biggest concern I have is meta gaming, alot of it but its going to be okay. Chris and Jinx? Vibing. Mikki and Captain? that group chat was made 5 minutes into the game. Monty and Lily C are gonna be vibing since they're winners. Lily O and I played fr*nce, but that's... no good. I'm going to just let go and have a great time. This is Autumn's World, and sometimes, we all need to just relax and let nature take its course

Autumn you are a crazy fucked up host....... Legit i was like oh come in have some fun then BOOM FUCKING MESOPOTAMIA FLASH BACK OUT THE GATE so sevice to say I'm nervous as hell about this challenge i so don't want to get voted out first .....or on the same challenge as before so even if we do have to go to tribal hopefully the winning tribe will take pitty on me and you know give me safety

feeling delusional for writing what i wrote about winning 😭🌚 LIKE DKKDKDKDKDKDDKDKKD IM TRYING TO BE MY BEST POSSIBLE SELF AND APPARENTLY THAT FACILITATES DELUSION GOOD NIGHT

https://youtu.be/FJM9fQW7evY

---

autumn not letting me in the game at first bc i’m mixed. i can hear my ancestors screaming

Yknow I’m not exactly thrilled that the song decision was made without everyone being present but like my stupid night shifts make it completely understandable at the same time. On that topic, though. Party in the USA for our music video, hmm. Not even bleach is that basic.

good morning it’s day 2 in autumn’s world and i don’t feel any better about the whites. ps. daily i love monty

https://youtu.be/DAXdEjZW1mc

https://photos.app.goo.gl/mQ3vUbaX1nEnsp2Z9

My tribe has a varying amount of timezones which makes it harder to connect with them socially as I cannot PM them as much as I would like to. Additionally, I am finding it difficult to message them because I have to work from 8 to 5 everyday of the week. This sucks because I know I can at least make people like me in the per-merge enough to keep me. However, I can no longer reliably use this strategy. I just have to hope others are way more inactive than me and that my tribe somehow wins immunity. On that note, I am really liking that Mikki and Benj took a leadership role in the tribe. So, they are definitely people I want to keep on this tribe. It would have to be Blake or Khalid that gets the target from me. We'll see how talking to them goes before results.

I LOVE THIS GAME!!!!!!! Ok so starting with my tribe:

Mikki - ABSOLUTELY THE FAV!!! We got along right away on day 1 and are def the closest in timezones which is so great to have someone like that. Sooo fun and easy to talk to really wanna be #1 allies. I know shes amazing at orgs and won and probs is getting along well with everyone but who cares i wanna play w her!!!! The main thing is too have fun and i just know it will be with Mikki

Captain - Also amazing!!! Super active in helping with the challenge and great personally love that hes gonna do english teaching which is smth i was looking into and also in a closer time zone to me and had fun discussing stuff w him so far!!

Blake - We played Kili together!! Shoutout Autumn for getting 4 Kilis back omg. I was on a tribe with Blake and Autumn together for like 2 rounds and we did vote together once so have some positive history at least hes a bit more quiet compared to the others but hes cool and i think we could do good!

Raffy - Iconic parts in the video challenge and also fun so far!! Havent talked as much as the above 3 but still feeling good about him!

Khalid - Seems nice and friendly but we havent messaged yet and no clue if he will do his lines in the music video :O we'll see But overall love my tribe and the overall cast. LILY THE KILI WINNER QUEEN???????? Cant believe shes back would be so awesome to play w her again since last time we were mainly on opposite sides. JINX MY ONE MONTE FRIEND??? YES!! SO excited i hope we get to tribe swap together since in Monte we werent that close and i voted them off i know such a disgrace but since then we have become more friends so would love to play together!! Also played w Chips in Kili and were sort of friends! Chris we are hosting a season together but i think itll be cancelled tbh no ones applying and we dont know each other at all outside of that but i loved his intro and just started getting into agatha christie literally ordered 2 of her books a few weeks ago sdhksa cant believe he mentioned her in his intro so super excited to properly meet him. Joey we are sorta friends but i voted him out recently in other game so dunno how he feels abt me!! Everyone else i dont really know but will meet some soon surely WOOO AUTUMNS WORLD

SO THE GAME JUST STARTED so there's not really that much to spill right now but I do really enjoy my tribe. I have my bestie captain who I will protect as much as I possibly can. and I've spent all day yesterday and today talking to benj who I LOVE so so so much. I feel so good with him. SO UM ASAHJSHSJAJHASHJAS IM ON THE SAME TRIBE AS RAFFY WHO UM ASHJSAHASHJ I played with once before where I was super chaotic and I literally fought him (playfully) and it was so messy and chaotic and stupid BUT I DIDN'T RECOGNISE HIM AND HE DIDN'T REMEMBER ME SO WE JSUT WERE LIKE "nice to meet you" and I didn't realise until later and idk if he knows yet and I am not bringing it up COS LIKE IDK I DON'T WANT IT TO GET WEIRD AND MAYBE HE DOESN'T REMEMBER BUT MAYBE HE DOES IDK but besides that I love him a lot he's so fun and his videos for our music video are AMAZING he's so full of life. Khalid hasn't been on much but I really enjoy his energy when he is. he's so cool and lovely. Blake is nice!!!!! but I can't help but feel my instincts being like WATCH HIM. like something inside me is saying beware of this white man.LIKE IDK WHAT IT IS but I just get instincts in games with people sometimes where I just feel like unsettled??? and that's how I feel right now. we're all in different timezones so socialising is the opposite of overwhelming. I've never had a game so quiet in the beginning like this before. but I've never played survivor either. I think I might be okay??? if we went to tribal but I really don't want us to go to tribal pls....

JINX IS OVER ON THE TUA TRIBE BTW and I'm sitting here with grabby hands. I wanna play with them so bad and just get to have our redemption arc because we didn't play on the same side the first time we played so LET ME HAVE THIS I just wanna play with them and have fun with them but they are so far away :((((

I'm so excited overall tho the whole cast looks amazing and I'm having fun so far. this challenge has been a blast and. a great way to bond with everyone. I feel so close to benj already. I really love him a lot. so I'm having a good time yes ashjshajjahs YAY

oh and I also did my tarot and idk where things are going to go exactly but I'm very :eyes: raffy got the tower and Khalid got the devil....hmmmmmmmmmmmmmm

also I wanna play with women at some point PLS PLS I haven't been this surrounded by men since I was a closeted 15 year old surrounded by posters of Robert Pattinson and Taylor lautner

Benj just submitted his version of the music video and it is..... bad. I don't know why Mikki filmed vertically? Like, I feel like that's the first rule of music videos? You have to always film horizontally. Also, some of these people's energies were not giving at all. The beginning waking up part was cute though. It's just.... these people aren't giving what they think they're giving is all I'm saying. And Benj put this weird filter on all my videos that makes it hard to see what's actually going on tbh. Anyways, time to kick the socializing into high gear so as to not get voted out! Or pray that Mikki's version of the video is better

hello autumn's world.. this is captain's speaking. sorry i'm one day late to this confessional booth stuff but i'm here and i'm ready to give u some tea. *ahem* thanks jarod for these questions.

1. How do you feel about your starting team? Anyone you are happy/upset to see? OOOOH i feel like my team is very CUTE! like i didn't think autumn was gonna put me and mikki in the same tribe lmao .. i thought it was gonna be divided from ur race and u know mikki is white and i'm not. ANYWAYS, im happy to see mikki in my team of course. thats my ride or die and i know i'm gonna have someone i can 100% trust no matter what for sure. but blake knows for sure that mikki and i are very close so thats gonna be interesting. which leads to the next part, i'm kinda eh with blake in my tribe thats only because our previous experience in CoW so i just hope that its gonna be better here this time *prays*.. for others, i don't know them before so i'm excited to get to know them!!!

2. Who are you most excited to play with on the cast? Most afraid of? oh of course mikki for sure and another person is geekoffilm cause u know we're like besties besties and i love both of them so much. most afraid of... probably monty tbh. they tried to gun for me/mikki(/cora) in jarod's mini so i think they know that mikki and i are gonna be tight so i'm just gonna have to keep an eyes on them cause they are a great player.

3. What are your first impressions of everyone based on this first challenge? OH GOD. i love benj!! benj is very organized so we started off pretty well. i threw out lush life randomly and then we decided to go with lush life, how cute!!! but yea, benj and mikki have done lots of works and i love THEM. RAFFY ALSO DID AMAZING in his parts!!! like he has PROPS and his camp is sooooo summery and AHH he's so great. blake.. ahem if blake didn't look at his lyrics at the first part, it would've been a bit better. and idk about khalid. i'm very worried cause khalid hasn't sent any of his parts yet. and like he seems inactive??? so idk but i don't wanna lose the points for full team participation :oooooh: I DIDNT JUST SHOW ANYONE I CANT DANCE TO LOSE AND I DIDNT HAVE TO DANCE AND MAKE MY LEGS ACHE JUST TO LOSE!!! SOBS!! but that is a sign that tells me i should exercise more x ANYWAYS!!!! its just interesting point to add x

4. What is your strategy going into the first portion of the game? trying to lay low and build some connections with ppl from my tribe. benj and raffy for sure. i rlly like their vibes so i need to stick with them. and just try not to lose challenges cause its gonna be suck voting one of them out. also, if we somehow win, i want to send someone who i can trust moving forward to exiled island.. but we'll see. its gonna be a lot of thinking and convincing people.

5. How do you want other people in the game to view you in the early stages of the game? as someone who they can trust and talk to and someone who always puts effort into challenges cause thats what most important in the first stage of the game.. i'll come back here after results x

HELLO AUTUMNS WORLD IM PISSED! not about raffy getting sent to the outback. its what raffy deserved. i like raffy so thats fine i just need to work on my relationship with him after he comes back. BUT KHALID. GOD. he just doesnt care about the challenge AT ALL. he was inactive. he didnt even talk about the challenge. and then coming to the chat and telling us SORRY after we have submitted… god thats BS. we literally all put our effort into this. and for someone who just dont care about the pandemic (idk about the uk but i guess they allow partying now) and go out and party. GOD i mean he’s going back to bahrain anyways WELL GUESS WHAT, HERE IS ANOTHER PLANE TICKET HOME. take that and sashay away babe

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cause thats just FUCKED UP. everyone put their efforts in. benj — his leg is HURTING he cant move much btut he still did his parts and helped us with the editing. RAFFY — he literally worked 8 to 5 but he still found time to just shoot his parts and like more random parts. blake — well even though he didnt study the song much, he still did it and he is a team player. MIKKI — well u know i love mikki and ik how much shes in her head for this challenge but every scene she is on, i smile watching her because she just did it SO WELL PLUS she stayed up late for khalid and her health is not good. fucked up khalid u done fucked up enough. hope u enjoyed ur short time at autumns world.

First challenge, done, middle of the road WOOOOOOOOOOOOO, absolutely love that my music video streak has been continuing! Coming into this game, I felt absolutely nervous as hell about playing with 2 winners on my team, but in all honesty, I’m gonna take the Jinx approach- Embrace it, you don’t get another opportunity like this. I love the fact that I’m being more engaged than before and that’s what I want to be, especially in confessionals. I’m always trying to be better, and how can I better myself I HATE THE WAY MARV ALBERT PRONOUNCES PARENTHESES, YOU DON’T SAY IT LIKE “THE C’s”? JESUS MARV ITS GONNA BE YOUR LAST GAME YOU CALL IN YOUR CAREER COME ON MAN.

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I hate to be called Joestradamus, but when Captain or Mikki get voted out first because of how tight knit they are, don’t @ me

*slides into splits* WE WON YES YES YES YES WOOOOOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOO YEAH

re khalid missing the challenge: no everyone in our team worked rlly hard on that except khalid who went out fucking partying then he lied about going to send the vid soon cause you know what if he already filmed his parts, looking for a vid and click send are not that hard he fucking told us he was about to send ASAP and then disappeared and then had the NERVE to tell us AFTER THE DEADLINE that he's so SORRY OH PLS

This tribe name is Autumn's last name backwards! https://thumbs.gfycat.com/VigorousBiodegradableIrishterrier-size_restricted.gif

Now that that is out of the way, let me list my tribemates... Giraffez Joey Lily C Lily O Monty. Something is incredibly amusing about how there is a tribe with someone named Chips and someone named Giraffez. What is not amusing is that I get a "I don't like/want to speak to/etc." vibe from Giraffez? I could just be a delicate and annoying flower but our conversations have been short and dry. Joey has some great high energy and excitement and I love that he loves being part of this game. He is also pretty fun to talk to. Hoping that we can keep an open dialogue and that perhaps I can rope him into a future alliance of sorts. Lily C is a sweetheart truly and I adore her personality so much. She is such a go-getter and goes to bat for those with who she feels can be loyal. I'm hoping that we can build loyalty and trust together. Lily O has been busy with work at a bowling alley. That's actually really cool because when I was a child that was my dream job. Not even joking... my parents were in leagues when I was growing up and my brother and I entered ones designed for children. It was a big thing in my family and I thought that I would love to be in that "atmosphere" all the time. Anyway, we haven't spoken until after the results were announced so honestly if I had to guess I was their intended target if we had had tribal council and they were mine?? (perhaps...) It has been really nice getting to connect with Monty and really cool finding out that they are beginning job searching after college and thinking of pursuing education as a career. I have a soft spot in my heart for all educators.

Okay so I'm just going to say this now. Autumn needs to simplify the twists to more like Blue's Clues with an OBVIOUS large blue paw prints where I'm supposed to look. I have no idea what that announcement was about war rooming someone into the game and feel like I"m fifty million steps behind these big-brained people who figured it out. https://media2.giphy.com/media/m59avtxDzXeiQ/200.gif

I think that I missed the message about what we do with tickets or I'm still just as clueless as previously stated but I am intrigued nonetheless. I think even if I knew what to do with them I would just hoard them like I would Chuck E. Cheese tickets in case something else came along. Hope they're not like Fire Tokens and let you buy like Peanut Butter and Idols because I am anti- fire token. https://media.tenor.com/images/d7de1f75f2c43f8e044e958b964430fa/tenor.gif

On a side note, I'm paranoid when I see people on calls because even if they're not talking about me or plotting they are potentially aligning with each other and that does not include me. I don't really know much about how calls work on Discord as I am a pretty big noob generally speaking with the platform but it did say that Joey and Giraffez were on a call earlier?? I'm stressed. https://media0.giphy.com/media/3o7TKRwpns23QMNNiE/200.gif --- http://www.purplerockpodcast.com/wp-content/uploads/survivor-pearlislands-lillian-morris-post-savage-blindside.gif

https://voca.ro/1lb9WKsDr6xA

Ok.....so after talking to Joey a little ive learned a few things mikki is a bit of a beast Benj is well......social to and everyone despised Mesopotamia........which i get from the stuff that pumped me up to 16th place that season but I'm mostly hoping that i can make it to the end this time....... So far I've talked to pretty much everyone Lilly and Joey and monty not sure which one really but the one whose discord is 13survivirgirl13 so hopefully soon i can work out some kind of an alliance with them and if we swap or merge from three to two either next week or the week after (probably the week after honestly) i feel i can maybe set us up as one and us four can really rule the roost for a moment....hopefully.....who knows i could just he a delusional old queen whose doomed to be nothing more then premerge every time i play tumblr survivor......or maybe I'm just crazy *shrugs* either way it should be a damn good hoot

we won the first challenge, god bless. which brings up something funky i realized: that the best part about winning immunity is having the day off. and also…idk something just doesn’t sit right…the way autumn was emphasizing that someone would be eliminated from the game…like….hm……….idk….never trust a bitch named after a season!

omg we lost AHHHH but thankfully we have an easy boot sorry khalid im glad i dont have to vote mikki captain or blake eeek pls lets win the next one

I'm totally pumped for this game! Like when I saw my tribe and Jinx is on it I screamed! I want us to have the same success of being together at ftc!! Jude honestly is great to me and I'm enjoying getting to know her a lot, Ricky I remember from HvV4 but we both say no to that and start anew! Bryan I am hopeful to talk more since its been dry and that is okay. Sucks we ended losing Michelle early but I am sure it was for the best! We WILL reign successful

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Yesterday was so stressful to me like editing I have no problem with but I thought my biggest worry was that I needed Bryan to submit stuff late-ish. But turns out an hour before due time thd program wanted to stop working 🙃🥲 and I felt so close to wanting to forfeit- which is something I never do but I just felt hopeless and guilty and even imagined getting voted out. So I had to call Jinx who assured me something could be salvaged and they'd make sure I would stay (rip Bryan) but after the extension by cool hosts I found encouragement and did my magic stuff. SOMEHOW we won and to be honest I dont think anything will top that feeling of relief in the org (give me 3 days) but man what a ride yesterday was for me!

I got a Super Idol! Well, at least I now know that I can fuck around in this game a little bit more since I have this extra insurance in my back pocket which guarantees I stay around in the long run. I want to start getting into alliances because being a solo person with not much time on their hands is definitely a scary position to be in. Preferably, I want an alliance with Nikki and Benj (though I suspect that they already have an alliance with at least one other person on the tribe). It does suck that I am not at tribal considering that it will help build my bonds even stronger. I guess I just have to suffer for the time being

i think this is gonna be an easy vote cause khalid needs to go. but idk you can never feel safe in survivor :/ but so far everyone has been telling me they're voting khalid so lets pray

Omg that immunity was so hard, I literally did not know what I was doing and I think out of everyone I was a bit lackluster. I will say on the tribe I have not really talked to all of them but I will say I trust Jinx the most and we have talked a lot and I think that moving forward we will have each others back. All I need to do is talk to the rest of the tribe and form bonds that will last me to a swap or merge.

https://youtu.be/kKOciJGjrzw

https://youtu.be/mx7WPjx8zCk

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khalid babe this ones for you 🥺 https://youtu.be/QX2boYNUbxw

#tsaw #episodes

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roger-that-cap · 3 years

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Alright, i can't even organize my own thoughts after reading such a fic, so bear with me cause i'm going to start rambling and it probably won't make sense.

God i don't even know where to start. Obviously i LOVED IT, like it was so amazing and i was captured by every word, i couldn't stop reading i swear. I think someone else pointed it out, but i absolutely loved the way you used the colors in this fic. Like the whole orange thing with the sunset and how Wanda couldn't help but hate it because of all the memories, literally amazing. And it worked so well too with Wanda's green eyes and with the red when her magic came back. I don't know, it was just so beautifully written imo.

I also really loved how you portrayed sad!Wanda. I mean poor girl, i don't want her to be sad lmao but the way you described how she was feeling made it so easy for me to understand her pain you know?

I don't know if this is going to make sense but i feel like the concept of the fic goes perfectly with the song. Like while i was reading it, it gave me a lot of "Wildest Dreams" vibes (does that make any sense? Idk, i just think that you couldn't have picked a better song, it was the perfect choice).

ALSO CAN WE TALK ABOUT THE REUNION??? IN THE RAIN???? ARE YOU TRYING TO KILL ME LYS???? I swear to god, my stupid romantic heart stopped beating for a second there, the whole thing was so beautiful. Like they were both so desperate for different reasons but they just couldn't look away from each other and when y/n remembered everything i almost screamed omg i loved it.

I've got only one tiny criticism and i hope you don't take it the wrong way (it's not really a criticism lmao, it's not even about the fic but i figured it was better to tell you). So like, it really helps me when you put the word count before the fic starts, and you didn't put it in this one. You probably forgot or something like that, which is totally cool, i just thought i should let you know. Tbh the fact that that was the only criticism that i could think of only shows how incredible the whole thing is.

ANYWAYS, i think i've said enough, but i'm sure there are other things that i loved that i'm forgetting now. I'm probably going to spend the next few days reading it again and again and again, but that's all i got to say for now 💕💕💕

-🌙

okay so if you thought that your well planned thoughts made no sense- wait for this shshshd;

no bc it’s so funny that you mention the word count bc i knew i was forgetting something but i was literally about to knock out 😭😭😭 thank you bc it was bothering me this morning, too! it was 6.3k tho 💀💀

THANK YOU FOR MENTIONING THE RAIN IM SUCH A DRIZZLE LOVER OMGGGGG

but yeah sad!wanda was very fun to write! it was sad ofc but i love dealing with emotions. it’s my favorite part of writing, without a doubt.

the colors omg!! yes so i was trying to expand my symbolism and shit ya know, starting with colors!! i guess it worked?!

yeah taylor swift and her lyricism is fr an inspiration. she does such great things for the music and art industry and it’s hard not to draw from her and her work! i just really wanted to do the song justice without directly using the lyrics. i’ll probably never stop writing things that are inspired by her!

ILY SO MUCH PLS IT MAKES ME SO HAPPY YOU READ MY FICS AND LIKE THEM BESTIE

#🌙 anon #bestieieieieidi

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tajkills · 7 years

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Hey Taja, you probably hear this a lot and if you haven't then fuck all those dudes that never told you this. Lol. You are absolutely fucking beautiful and smart! I love how you put family first, as I do the same. You invest your energy into who and what you want and I just gotta say that is just so goddamn attractive! Im anon because I know if a dude like me were to talk to a woman as beautiful as you, I'd probably get curved so bad. Lmao. It's 2018 and I'm not trying to let that happen! All ❤️

WHAAAT! I'm currently at work rn having a bullshit ass shift and this made my day. Thanks so much! And of course, I think that family should come first, regardless. Thank you tho fr! Means a lot. And BRO COME OFF ANON WTF 😂 who knows we can be besties lol

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kgysj-blog · 7 years

Text

day 2 - 4/26/17

dear depression, wassupppp biotch you still havent gotten me yet ayyeeeee *quickly knocks on wood* anyways imma talk ab my day/issues!!!!!!! so i woke up & wore this dress bc i didn't feel like wearing pants ya feel me ? well i made it to school in 4 minutes bc ya girl attempted eyeliner this morning AND IT DIDNT SUCK TERRIBLY WOO!!! oh yus. anyway i felt pretty today :') i got to first period (English) •total side note but the song that just came on is 'how would u feel' by ed sheeran and i absolutely fucking adore it man• and when we i got there i expected us to finish wuthering heights which i also absolutely adore. instead we had to do two worksheets front and back and it lowkey kinda sucked :/ but it's ok I finished them!! also it was sent around that the teachers met this morning to decide which day will be the last day for seniors to show up which makes me feel lit as fuck like let's fuckin go FUCKKKKKK white plains HAHAHAH :)))) then i got to second period (math) and coach ford wasn't here today so she left us a worksheet to do that had 36 equation problems & don't get me wrong, that shit easy af, it just takes time to write it all out fr. well im in a class where everyone likes to talk other than the guy that sits beside me (connor w. my mf nigga). well i start this worksheet w one headphone in & these inconsiderate fuckers who aren't even doing their work START TALKING LOUDLY and it nearly made it impossible to finish this long ass worksheet so I put my other head phone in and crank the music up as loud as possible. well it's be about 5 minutes and connor has done the same thing w the headphones, and these rude humans throw a pencil at us bc my music was too loud. MY music was too loud. well GUESS WHAT?! if you'd stfu i wouldn't even have to play music :-)) anyway i finished that bitch in ab 10 minutes then I took a good ass nap till break. after the bell rang I was walking to drop my back pack off in coach crews classroom and doddie and nugget pull me in a classroom & doddie has ranted ab this guy (not gonna name names) making fun of her and making sly comments ab her being gay!!!!!! it lit me tf up. but it was gucci she rented it all out and posted it on her spam & i ab died. then i went to break & saw my buddies and then went to third (anatomy). Me & brettford finished up our poster which looked good af & turned it in. then I saw dots spam post & ab died hahahahah I commented "can I tag him" then "I'll tag him" then "he's a little bitch" bc he is!!!! the girls doddie pulls are like gorgeous & his ex gf was not that pretty :/ I don't wanna be mean and say bad things ab other girls but :/// then we went to fourth period (economics) and Matthews hit me w some more of her bullshit. she stays mad at me fr solely bc of the table I sit at bUT GUESS WHAT! those are my mf niggas and imma sit w them bc this is the last time I'll frickin be able to bc #senioryearbitches but onward w the entry, we had to do this question thing on liz murray (refer to precious entry on who that is) and then we got to do our handprints on the wall bc #senioryearbitches. me and brettford did our hands together Bc he's my bestie and I love him!!!!! then i left and went to the store (gas station-stewards) to get pizza and when I got there, there was no mf pizza -_- I was mad af. the lady said it would take 12 minutes to cook another & it was already 11:53 and the bus gets there at mf 12:05 to pick us up so I had to tell her I had to go :/ so I went back to school and then to career tech & all was gucci. I fell asleep during class bc idk I get exhausted in moms class it's crazy Idek why. but then i got on the bus and i realized i had a text from the human im not supposed to be talking to :/ it said hi. so I said hi. Then he had screenshotted doddies spam post and said it better have not been ab him and he's dumb bc it wasn't -_- we talked ab it all for a while and then I told him not to worry & he said alright & I said okie and he didn't reply aha but I had to text him what dot said bc he had asked me to text her earlier so i did and sent it to him. then this mf replied like two hours later and sent me a beer pong game thing and we played for a while (i whooped that ass three times in a row) anndddd he stopped replying again. but i guess i needa get used to that bc im not supposed to be talking to him anyway. we decided Sunday we were gonna stay out of each other's life's until I was better & we have literally spoken every single day since then lmaooooo but it's okay. I got in my feels heavvvvyyyy ab him during moms class which is why I went to sleep I guess. Idk I just miss him n stuff.. it's okay tho no sadness!! I went home and sat and talked w dad for a little bit and it was nice I luv my dad. after I showered and all that I was chillin in bed listening to music & Dad brought me fresh flowers to my room :/ I had told him Sunday I love fresh flowers & then monday on our way to bham for my javelin lesson i told him a little bit about my depression stuff & told him about why I can't talk to Peyton right now and all that and I think it made him sad a little. :( but he is the sweetest most of the time and it made my heart super happy!!! but anyways that's all for today :-) it's 11:54 so imma hit the hay, goodnight!!!! love, g

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