#no matter how good of a job I do
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Anyone wanna come stare forlornly at the wall with me?
#There's never a point in trying to defend myself#I'm too stupid to articulate myself#and it will always be my fault in the end#my doing#my failure#i can never measure up#the goal will always move#and all of my effort will be forgotten#for naught#worthless#meaningless#everyone else is right and I am always not#no matter how good of a job I do#if i can't keep it up no matter how unsustainable it was from the start#then it means nothing#just say I'm useless it would be faster
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space sweepers but they're delivery people and are at no point on screen through the entire movie
#fantasy high#riz gukgak#kristen applebees#gorgug thistlespring#adaine abernant#fabian seacaster#figueroth faeth#the bad kids#half tempted to say these names are forum handles they use so much it pretty much became their professional names lol#I keep them teenagers bc its funnier that way#no real lore I just like drawing this. but I do think abt how theyre all weirdos too also bc thats funny to me#riz is a huge conspiracyhead who does everything by hands. he has a casio fx-570 in mint condition. nobody knows how he's maintaining it#he is nonetheless Really Good at his job. which somewhat tracks bc it's a job that requires keeping up with interstation conflicts#and new policies and an obsessive amount of planning. but he is Too Good at it. and also he dresses like that#kristen has the atomic engine that theoretically lets her unmake and remake matters with her mind. but it consumes a huge amount#of energy so it's mostly useless. she's still a cult survivor also#gorgug lives his entire life on a ship with his parents who quit a cushy deal maintaining a space station bc he wouldn't be allowed on#the low gravity let him grow very tall but also his oxygen saturation is pretty bad so he's got breathing support#fig is a robot who just found out she's a robot like two months ago. she's been assuming everyone's a robot like her and she's been feeling#very betrayed by her mom lying about that part. she's on a body mod spree which is rough bc system-specific parts are expensive#and so is adapting random parts to her system#fabian's still a pirate captain's son. can't say anything that'd be able to get the vibes across clearer than that#adaine went to tech/business school. she put her monthly allowance towards an ecoterrorist group in her academy which turned out to be an o#and she's currently wanted by UTS. more than fabian. which makes him slightly mad#she's also acquired a passion for low-tech weaponry on the way. she likes ice picks and cleavers#I think up all of this for no reason except that once again the idea of all these people being 1/teens and 2/on the same ship to be posties#is hilarious to me. esp. if they were in a forum group chat beforehand
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Dear supervisors at work
You do not get to tell me to suck it up
I have endometriosis
I am sucking it up
It's a miracle I'm even at work right now so please
Shut
Up
Sincerely, the kid you shouldn't be getting this mad at over a debilitating and incurable condition
Nia
#my supervisors suck pt 2#this is how im venting my anger#one of them said to my other coworker id never be able to have a real job#im working 8 hours a day 5 days a week here#and nothing i do is good enough for them anyways so what does it matter#real job my ass#i know about the real world then i should
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ep 43 had me tearing up in a fucking shopping centre ‼️‼️
b+w alt version that I truly couldn't decide if I liked it more . Also I included a lot of thoughts in the tags but they're somewhat incoherent<3
#i dont know what i expected but i was waiting for a friend and too excited to wait until later#malevolent podcast#john doe#john doe malevolent#john malevolent#malevolent fanart#grimm art#ep 43#ep 43 left me with a lot of thoughts ... i didnt quite like how much of a recap it felt like at times but that might#be because ive been relistening and like yeah everyone knows that john 🙄 but that's not the case for everyone and with monthly uploads#things get forgotten easily#i find the discussion of “humanity” so interesting because John has shown that without someone that he has forcibly grown to value as an#equal... something he cannot do as the king of yellow as he is superior to all of his realm and presumably stays out of other elder god's#anyway. without that equality and enviroment to grow he fails to reach his goal of compassion and falls onto old ways.#John. The King in Yellow. shown by both times each has found themselves in human form do not just crave power and influence!!!#THEY CRAVE COMMUNITY!!! an endrich being not born or raised with nothing but power and ego#CRAVES COMMUNITY.#His goal of “humanity” is not a selfless goal like John projects - it is ultimately somewhat selfish as he does not want to be alone!!#which makes this desire so much more human#i don't know maybe this is just me spelling out whats already there but the way john and the witch argued about humanity frustrated me#it felt like they were missing the point or that perhaps the “good/evil” “black/white” retoric was already realised by me and john needed#realise it himself . which is fair !!!#i dont know!!!!#the witch was talking about how bad everyone was and how humanity is cruel and john was talking about Lily (#who also frustrates me how shes used in the plot somewhat she was literally just a nurse doing her job bro#) but to John - yes internally he is struggling with his moral greyness and im so proud of him for growing being himself SO PROUD#JUST.!!! he wants community. he needs community. he loves his friend. 'humanity' at its core does not matter as long as you try to be bette#and i think thats awesome and i really enjoyed the episode#guhh im rambling enjoy my tag rambling i dont know i want john to have more friends :(#yorrick can be another friend godd i love you yorrick so silly
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“If Bakugo and Midoriya don’t end up together by the end I’m gonna be disappointed not because I want it but since the fanbase and show hyped them up so much,” says my husband, who only watches the anime
#I love him but my god. sometimes.#I don’t tell him in detail what I do in this fandom#I had to explain the Kudo and Yoichi backstory to him after this conversation#I had to tell him about the togachako stuff after this#bakudeku#my hero academia#mha#BNHA#I didn’t even do a good or in depth job#I just gave the bare minimum and shared the parts I thought were funny#my favorite character is Katsuki Bakugo in part because no matter how sloppily or weirdly he expresses it#I know his love is true#he is devoted#and he is doing the breakdown of the self and the heart just in the confines of a shonen#and this includes whatever is happening with Izuku#I dunno how to tell my husband Katsuki is my favorite because his entire story is coming to understand what love is and how to#and how to give and receive it
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It's still scaly since it's only a week old but I couldn't hold off posting it anymore - here's my Riku tattoo!!!!
Reference under the cut - it's that manga panel, of course :-)
I made an edit to remove the text boxes and the rain and sent it to my artist, and she made a few more changes like giving him a fully defined mouth!
#EVERYONE. GET YOUR FAV CHARACTER TATTOOED ON YOUR BODY. ITS GREAT#ALSO BONUS POINTS IF ITS SOMEWHAT SHIP RELATED. YEAH. YEAH.#kingdom hearts#riku kingdom hearts#soriku#I COUNT THIS AS SORIKU GIVEN WHAT RIKU IS DOING IN CONTEXT#kingdom hearts tattoo#kingdom hearts fanart#kingdom hearts manga#kh 358/2 days#kingdom hearts 358/2 days#358/2 days#kh#AAAA. i am. AAAAAAAAAA#the lines are straight my arm just isnt lol#i just thought the rain wouldnt read well without context of the scene ahaha. just felt it looked weird isolated.#i feel like no one will see this BUT I WILL SEE THIS EVERY DAY OF MY LIFE AND THATS WHAT MATTERS#my artist did such a good job im like blown away by how clean the lines are - everywhere that looks like its wobbly or#is going outside the lines is just my skin flaking. like it looks so good. Ill take another picture when its actually healed im sorry#i have never known patience
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what i love about the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi of it all is that...it's not just that he's famous and therefore widely recognizable wherever he goes. like yes that is very funny because he was an exorcist before he became a famous actor, which means he CHOSE, on purpose, a day job that would make it harder to hide his double life/secret identity from the hordes of his adoring public, but it's more than that. it's not just that he's famous, it's that he's famous specifically for being an ACTOR, aka a person whose job it is to dissimulate, to make believe, to inhabit roles and emotions other than his own. like he decided he was going to become as visible as possible (which again was literally not necessary! he could have gone into any other career for his day job!!) but in such a way that everyone would see him but no one would see him - they would just see his various made-up personas, including the Famous Actor Natori Shuuichi persona. i can't decide if he's a genius or if he just made so many absurd decisions that they canceled each other out and circled back around to working out. he's either playing 9-dimensional chess or he's eating the pieces. too soon to say.
#the other thing i love about it is that in a very real sense it's his actor day job that is his alter ego#being an exorcist is his normie job. he's just a famous celebrity on the side#which isn't that uncommon in secret identity setups but it's still very funny#natsume's book of friends#natsume yuujinchou#natori shuuichi#natsuyuu meta#my posts#f#i think probably the actual answer is that acting was a very natural career choice because he already masks so extensively#both to hide that he can see things other people can't (and that youkai exist and that he exorcises them)#and to hide what he's really feeling so that no one can use it against him#so if it's already something he has to do & he's good at it...why not have someone tell him exactly how to do it & get paid for it?#and the other part of the answer is that most ppl don't go into acting assuming they'll get famous. the fame was a side effect#so each decision as it was being made probably made perfect sense. but put them all together#and you have this hilarious assortment of elements that seem to directly contradict each other#okay also i would be remiss if i didn't mention the other possible answer which is that the attention came first and was unavoidable#and the acting developed from the need to protect himself from the attention that he was going to be attracting no matter what he did#because he's so beautiful. and (in the exorcist world specifically) because he's the last of the natori#the more i talk about it the more i'm like no becoming a famous actor was the only path that made any sense for him lol#1) he's gonna be watched no matter what bc he's him -> gotta figure out how to hide his secrets -> learn to act as self-defense#or 2) he's got secrets -> he's gotten a lot of practice hiding them -> hey you could make a career out of this!#all roads lead to actor natori shuuichi. and since he's beautiful...all roads lead to FAMOUS actor natori shuuichi#i love it when i ramble so much in the tags that i end up contradicting my own post lol#he's neither thinking ten steps ahead nor is he irrational. he's simply making sensible individual decisions#that follow logically from what is available to him and what his priorities are
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.
#unrelated to my last post#also this is gonna be an unpopular opinion#but i’ve honestly made my peace with how taylor approaches her public politics#(i’ve said this before too)#i may sound like a cupcake right now#but i don’t have the energy to bang my head against a wall when i know no matter what i do the wall won’t break#and that’s just the harsh truth#i have trust that she is a good person and her actions show that and it is enough for me#she’s not interested in being a political figure or representative and just wants to encourage people to vote#and will speak up during elections or during pride month etc#and ofc you can make the argument that she’s so influential so she should be and i agree but also! it’s her choice!#she is political in her private her life and she doesn’t owe her politics publicly#people should focus more on actual politicians and presidents and world leaders whose actual job it is#arshia talks
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It's the End of the World as We Know It (And I Feel Fine)
a little homage to fursuiter Bob Hill performing as his character Hilda the Bambioid in the first ever furry convention, ConFurence Zero, in 1989 (video linked above)
#my art#furry#anthro#i hm. dont know how to tag this...#confurence#suggestive#that was my first time ever attempting to draw latex. i did NOT do a good job but what matters is i tried#furry archive
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no but fucking really. "i'd love to get your thoughts. let me know if there's anything you disagree with--i won't take it out, but i'm more than happy to tell you where you're wrong ;)" versus "yeah. mm, yeah. yes; sorry, sorry. um. yeah. ......i just want you to like it. ...i'll leave you be." makes me. fucking. OUGH
trent, confident and playful, telling them he's happy to correct them if they disagree with anything he's written versus him anxiously awaiting ted's approval and actively seeking it out, nervous, eager in a sort of rattled anxious way. the confidence versus the hesitancy, the independence versus the want for ted to like it, like him.
and then ted giving him a word of praise and a word of criticism in one--that it's a good book but it shouldn't be called 'the lasso way'--and trent takes it. i honestly think he does disagree, but instead of "telling ted where he's wrong"--maybe just out of respect for what he wants, trust for his opinion--he changes the title. what he said he wouldn't do. for ted. what if i wailed and screamed
#trent crimm#tedependent#esp what i was just saying about trent being confident in his writing but not necessarily much else#and yet still. for ted. he questions that too. you know. ough#i'm not wording this perfectly im just screaming and banging my head on a wall and wailing#and like. conflating his ability his writing his skill the one thing hes good at with himself--#i just want you to like it could not more obviously be screaming a pleading sincere undertone of *i just want you to like me*--#it's also wanting ted to like trent's words. what trent has to say about *him* and what he's built here#wanting ted to understand not just how trent feels but what good ted's done in general#and how trent sees it (sees him) and how the world sees it (sees him) and how if they don't see it (see *him*) trent will *make them*#bc that's important. to trent and to ted#bc he knows it matters--or mattered‚ perhaps‚ with how distant he's been lately--to ted too#oh look. trent conflating himself/his value in his skill and his job. and ted doing the same#wails and wails and wails and w#gertspeak
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i never feel more like some miserable entity displaced from another universe and squeezed into a human skin suit pretending very hard to be a person than when i'm trying to write professional emails. i was meant to be composed of slime and weird neurons i lack the nature and the temperament to determine whether my email contains a surfeit of exclamation points and whether the desperation is sufficiently concealed and whether it should close with a "best" a "thanks" or god forbid a "cheers"
#hhhhh#also trying to do like a job interview/'casual' phone call im not even a terrible actor i have good control of my voice and words#but i feel like a human impostor. and im so aware of how little all this matters. the world is burning down and i still need a Job. lol#skravler
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He said "Fuck this shit, I'm out" I'm crying. Toriyama's Vegeta was so top shelf 🤌
(From Neko Majin Z Chapter 5!)
#dbtag#Idk why Toei didn't lean into Vegeta being a version of Piccolo you could put in funnier situations like Toriyama wrote#He's reserved and professional and proud but JUST immature enough to bite down on a gag that Piccolo would readily swerve#But they take a lot of Goku's chaotic comedy away too in favor of Hero(tm) writing and that is why I keep pulling my hair out aklsjdlas#Toriyama was sO funny and it bums me out so much that the anime derailed how lighthearted and straight up silly the humor is#and replaced it with Misogyny Is Funny and humiliation kinks asjklfhadjk and it's not just my complaints about Vegeta and Bulma!!#“Goku is running away from his very reasonable wife because he is a goofy little guy who doesn't want to do his chores” becomes#“Chichi is Cruel to Goku who is Trying to be a good husband because she doesn't relate to his passions and vilifies him for having them"#which is not their dynamic at all but dudes in the writing room are like “being married is fucking awful amirite fellas hahaha”#but Toriyama was like “Being married is not for everybody but it can be really great if you and your partner are on the same page”#Chichi's reasonable! And Goku isn't romantically wired but Goku can enthusiastically consent to sex and still not enjoy kissing#those things can be and are true for a lot of people! And it makes even more sense if you hc Goku to be aspec (and audhd coded) like I do#Kissing can feel gross and can be a sensory overload for many folks. Doesn't mean they're stupid or innocent.#(although Goku CAN still ride nimbus so idk what Pure entails in this universe askljad)#Like I am the FIRST person to joke and drag Goku about his marriage as an aspec myself but like legit Goten is a Last Night On Earth baby#He knows what sex is. But also between how socially removed Goku is and how Shy and Conservative Chichi it's not out of line#to assume the actual words sex and kiss have never been spoken in that house skljdlajdf I FULLY believe Chichi uses code words#Chichi thinks her son being blonde makes him a delinquent and still uses honorifics with Goku like it is fully reasonable to assume#that the joke of Goku's naivetè centers around the fact that his wife is too embarrassed to talk about Certain Matters in a normal way#While Bulma and Vegeta are slutty hedonistic cityfolk who need jesus (according to chichi probably...and me but I support them)#anyway. point is. Toriyama was funny as hell and Nekomajin is absolutely ridiculous and goofy and has a fully amoral main character#which just reminded me that toei is allergic to letting goku be a gremlin and so vegeta's not allowed to be a gremlin wrangler#even though that's been his job since the day he met raditz alksdjaskljd
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Zero Day (2002)
#movies film cinema#zero day#ben coccio#I actually talked to the director on Facebook super nice guy and he told#me a lot about the filmmaking process and even helped me with tips on directing non-actors and new actors#I remember him telling me to always be supportive and tell your new actors they're doing a good job even if they aren't in the first take#cause you can instill confidence and still reshape and change their choices and mistakes later#Sometimes I'd message him for advice when I was running into problems on some of my early projects#he told me once ''did ya choose to collaborate with this actor cause you were lonely or you guys had passion and chemistry''#“collaborating is like a relationship” and he was so right#there's nothing worse than working with people you disdain cause there's no communication and no trust.#he told me how he wrote the first couple of drafts of Place Beyond the Pines but his take on the 3rd act wasn't clicking for the director#so he took the script and went and had another writer rewrite the 3rd act but he liked the process cause he learned a lot and still got pai#but I'd still like to see Ben Coccio's take on Place Beyond The Pines he says the 1st and 2nd act are mostly unchanged#Ryan Gosling's scenes are still mostly the same he said but he couldn't tell me too much cause of the NDA he signed#The bloopers of Zero Day are hilarious his tip he gave me about being supportive#“This is actually great but can we-” and Cal interrupts him “He says that no matter what if you're doing good or bad!” and everyone lols#I hope I can make it and ask him to collab with me on a script#He's such a nice dude compared to the harrowing film he made.#I wish there was BTS but he had only one tape to film on and this was made when digital camcorders were infants#I think he had only one 2 hour tape that's how low budget#The bloopers is just Cal or Andre secretly filming and Ben getting annoyed “Is it recording?” and Cal going “Nah..."#Cal is such a funny guy IRL I wanna see him act more cause he's so good. He was so great at playing a sadistic psychopath in this.#the final shooting is so harrowing and disturbing#I told Ben he srsly gut punched me/disturbed me and this is what made him really open up.
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something something episode six something something about how so far the show seems to be saying that people can grow and change, that being a bad or good person isnt eternal at all which makes the concept of hell and heaven eternal punishment or eternal bliss is stupid and unfair
#hazbin hotel#something something how it can be implied that adam couldve been a good person in his life#'well he is the first soul that got to heaven' as a response to him giving out nasty vibes as an implication that he couldve been good once#something something 'heaven and hell is eternal'#something about how he could not want to admit that angel changing and becoming a good person means that hed be deserving to go to heaven#because 'he only had one life' something about him thinking whaever people do after it doesnt matter#something about him not really knowing what makes a good person to begin with but still in some level what if he knew he spent his life#being good and like if a bad person in hell can change and go to heaven what if someone who was good in their life can change in end up in#hell what if part of the reason he doesnt want angel to go to heaven and leave that up to what they did in their life#is because adam doesnt want to risk going to hell 'i dont know thats what i did' what if he doesnt know what made him a good person#but knows that he was good and doesnt know if he stayed good and thats why he doesnt want wheater someone is still being bad or good to#determine where they Should be thus creating that heaven and hell is eternal thing#also something about how adam putting sticking it to the man as what got him good enough to go to heaven while it was what#got lucifer to go to hell 'asking questions' part of that burried unsecurity of what makes someone good#also something about how angeldust is already being called angel how thats his nickname maybe foreshadowing but as for now it kinda just#adds to that subconscious factor of connecting him and angels and the current eps thingy of how he should be in heaven of how he checked al#those boxes#also it wouldve been funny if angel just flat out just portalled to heaven after cherri said the thing about how#'this hotel stuff if working for him' like Good Job Angel ! Youre An Angel Now ! pdfft#angel dust#adam#hazbin hotel spoilers#spoilers
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at the end of my fucking rope with "conversations" about k12 chronic absenteeism.
#sorry. work rant#next time you read a headline about it think to yourself. why is it schools' job to get kids to come to school.#why do schools have to bend over backward to cater to kids#kids not wanting to go to school is an extremely common occurrence#the difference now is that the responsibility is being shifted off kids and parents and onto schools#i get that schools can do better i really do#i think there is a shared responsibility#but there is a profound belief across society that school is not important and does not matter#and that needs to be addressed too#i'd say 99% of the examples i hear of systemic school problems are actually just examples of individual bad actors#again. schools have issued that need to be addressed! the public school system has profound inequities!#but when the only problems you point out are 'a kid was mean to my kid' or 'a teacher wasn't as nice as they could be'#you're not interested in changing the system#you're interested in changing your kid's experience#and guess what. demonizing school staff sure isn't going to fix anything#at this point I don't see myself ever going back to teaching#you know who will go into teaching? people who don't give a shit.#and that's not going to help anything either.#you can't attract people who care when people who care are punished and chased out#imagine if instead of constantly bringing up the worst possible examples and insisting they are representative of everyone#the good examples were celebrated and rewarded#same thing happens with the medical profession btw#and again. lots of legitimate examples of harm#(i'm fat ffs i know this)#and also I think it's dangerous to have people delegitimizing medicine to the point that crystals are seen as just as valid as a doctor#sorry. separate rant.#but still. delegitimizing professions that require knowledge skill and training is how we get thousands of unqualified people#homeschooling their kids and treating them with herbs they got from their local Etsy witch
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Getting closer, getting really close now I swear (Patreon)
#Doodles#Just Desserts#Villainsona#True Villainy AU#Just ignore how many times I've said that up to this point lol - I'm serious this time!#I always feel so bad designing TVAU outfits because Charm is always so miserable as a model haha#Could this be a contributing factor as to why it's taken so long?? No I enjoy drawing her like that lol#Made some design notes about the important elements of what I want for her True Villain look - more than just ''Her but Kaiein influence''#I'd still really like a nod to dragon scales of some kind but honestly her classic design is more that#Always going on about her spider theming how to make it dragony! It's the one thing I'm still hung up on lol#As for the rest I think it's Really getting close :) I got to actually turn her little ''shawl'' - I always knew it was Kaiein-related -#Into something that properly mimics his shape! It's all controlled by her tho it's not a part of his body - just magic-infused matter#Made to look like him so there's still that creep factor but it's more her body than his - she can control its shape :D#And I got to keep the jewels! Yesss - made it a motif! Now it's also on her hips and knees to break up her visual space yes very good#It's drips :) Y'know - like ink :) Finally figured that one out lol good job setting up my own symbolism me#And then some elegant drapey bits to match her ''shawl'' and continue to break up her space!! Yes! Good!!#I still haven't decided on a colour palette I think black and white is too obvious and too Kaiein but hmmm - she has a lot of colours#Lots of options to pick from but which is the Correct one - her hair would stay pink so maybe some of her pinks or purples#I'll play with some digital swatches later :)#I'm also so glad I could implement the hood design from one of the scrapped outfits ah <3 I love her in a hood she's so cute#I'm rather pleased with the way the spider web design breaks up her form as well - it's more subdued than the full bottom/shoes stripes but#It's also not very clear here lol the long ones that all the way down to her feet are the third from the center ignore that second one#The second lines out from the center host her wings! Very important!#Kinda reminds me of my holosona in a way actually :0 They /are/ both Evil-aligned hmmmm#All the more reason to colour palette! Differentiate the colours in my head#Really do feel like I'm approaching it now fdjsklafd getting close now!!
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