#no more gifs of an airing episode. who do i think i am omg

[guzhufuren]

Only Friends (2023)

[absolutebl]

This Week in BL

June 2023 Wk 3 

Being a highly subjective assessment of one tiny corner of the interwebs. Organized by which ones (in each category) I’m enjoying most.

Ongoing Series - Thai

Step By Step (Tues WeTV & Gaga) ep 9 of 12 - There sure is a lot of drinking in this show (who am I to talk?). Omg so awkward: The not-break-up not-confession. I have heartburn. Also I could not watch Jeng break down. Just nope. Then time jump? If that was our DOOM episode the timing is off. Or next week is the final? Or we get 3 eps of domestic bliss and sexitimes? I’m confused. 

La Pluie (Sat iQIYI) ep 9 of 10 - I like how trope-subversive this show is - first soulmates, then love triangle, now the faen fatal. NO SINGING. Oh good. They didn’t! Yay! So yeah I still love it. But I am also still a touch scared of where it might go. This one can’t be trusted. 

Be My Favorite (Fri YouTube) ep 5 of 12 - not a bad ep this week or was I too drunk to register nuance and damage? You decide. Trash watch here.

Luminous Solution (Sat Gaga) ep 5 of 6 - I always have to psyche myself up to watch this show, because I want to fast forward through most of it, but it’s on Gaga so that’s damn near impossible. At least this is the penultimate episode. I think after 3 BLs I can safely say Gun is just not a good actor. Speaking of... crying clothed in the shower? I haven’t seen that trope in years. But I LOVE the high school boys and their story so much. Love Sick level of earnest floppy goodness, I’m such a sucker for this kind of romance. I want them to be in a completely different BL. I’m so conflicted. I NEED this show to end so I can decide how I feel about it.

Ongoing Series - Not Thai

Love Tractor (Korea Weds iQIYI) eps 5-6 of 8 - So much is happening, evil x-boyfriend shows up. We got flashbacks to coming-out drama + nasty dad (super unusual for a KBL). But baby’s first taste of desire is hilarious. This one is full of lovely contrasts, and contrasting life experiences. It’s all about support and neglect. 

Tokyo in April AKA Shigatsu no Tokyo wa (Japan Thurs Gaga) ep 2 of 8 - Very much full of hero worship and giving me My Beautiful Man vibes (only softer and office set). “Dazzling” = always an interesting word when it comes up in JBL subs. It’s clearly a Japanese word/concept like kawaii  that is more complex than the English word being used. Meanwhile, this being Japan we get lots of hints as to separation and dark past events. 

Tie The Knot (prev Under the Same Sky) (Pinoy YouTube) eps 1-2 of 8 - From OXIN Films (Rainbow Prince), based on a true story (?!), Briggs's family runs a bridal business but he has never fallen in love until he meets a groom to be in an arranged marriage. EXACTLY the same premise at Mame’s forthcoming Wedding Planner. There are so many characters and prospective couples (including a v bi girl with a female fuck buddy, not seen that in a BL before) that it is a little hard to keep straight (heh). I’m sure it will shake out. It’s intriguing so far, if a touch silly. I actually like the arranged marriage premise because the two rich kids involved in it are so weirdly kind & platonically sweet to each other, even if they’re both on the same page about it only being for show. 

Vian the series (Vietnam YouTube ) ep 7 & 8 of 12 - Apparently there is very little difference between a cat and a demanding princess of a boyfriend. That clocks. Basically this was the dating times. 

Naked Dinner AKA Zenra Meshi (Japan Fri Gaga) ep 11 of 12 - There is a lot more meat to this silly little BL then I thought there would be given the premise, but it’s Japan so that’s as it should be. But, as it’s Japan there’s also a little too much cringe for me. I do enjoy how generous Japan is with late bloomers and I would def like to host a kimchi party  but otherwise... meh. 

Stupid Genius (Vietnam Fri YouTube) ep 3 of 6 - Bi erasure still alive and well I see. This one remains fine for VBL but no more than that.

It’s airing but ...

House of Stars (Thai Mon iQIYI) 12 eps - I bounced at ep 3. Will binge if told it is worth it at end.

Stay (Pinoy YouTube) 7 eps - It’s mostly in English and set in LA so I’m not bothering but the first one did drop.

Ever After (Pinoy YouTube) - I investigated but as spies reported it's a real mess (not a hot one). Don’t bother. 

About Us but Not About Us (Pinoy Prime?) - from 2022 supposed to be finally getting inter distribution, didn’t show in my territory. A professor grieving the loss of his partner meets an ambitious literature student. I’m not fussed. 

Stay With Me ... NO! 

In case you missed it

What Did You Eat Yesterday movie, BL Express posted a review. I’ve yet to get hold of it but if you enjoy Our Dining Table this is it’s grown up parent series & movie. 

Café in Love - I finally got around to watching this. And frankly it hits all the tropes but is so damn bad. The setting is cute, the central brotherly relationship is sweet, the side cast is v queer (baby gay has all these auntie queens catting about) and some complex bisexual awakenings but… but… everything else is a chemistry void. Some fun language wordplay and exploration of cultural tropes like cheek kissing does not save it from an unnecessary amount of punching  and a but ton of sexual harassment and statutory rape. No thank you. I had to rewatch Destiny Seeker to get over this. 3/10 

I gave up 

Takumi-kun Series 6: Nagai Nagai Monogatari no Hajimari no Asa (Japan Sun ????) 10 eps - NO ONE ASKED FOR THIS and no, I have no idea where to get it, why would I? Apparently it finished. I still can’t find it but it’ll be off this list next week.

Why You (Khmer ????) - Billed as a horror romance, not sure if this is a movie or a series where it aired... nothing except that it exists.

Next Week Looks Like This:

3 BLs are finishing but nothing is starting up. We running lean these days. 

Just started today (Sunday): Dinosaur Love (Thai iQIYI) Trailer 10 eps - from Ultimate Troop about a uni student, Rak, whose partner cheats on him with Rak's best friend. This gives bad boy hazer Dino an opportunity to hit on Rak at last. From The Yearbook people so I shouldn’t watch this as it airs. After Remember Me? I swore never again with them. But there’s so little on right now, I might fall on the pulp sword. 

I’ll include it in next week’s summation. 

I’ll have the July 2023 upcoming for you next week too. 

2023 forthcoming BL master post (see comments, some are inaccurate, NOT KEPT UPDATED)

THIS WEEK’S BEST MOMENTS

I love him, Your Honor. (Be My Favorite... HIM, he’s my favorite.) 

I love them, Your Honor. (Luminous Solution) 

Watch a tiny GL ship set sail across the seas of overly optimistic tumblrs... (La Pluie)

MY PRECIOUS! OMG I LOVE HER SO MUCH. (Tie the Knot) 

Incidentally, I would like a future as a dictatorial elder queer running a slightly shady business fleecing the straights via their dumb marriage traditions surrounded by nubile half-naked hotties.

And ya know what? I think this is achievable life goal for me. 

Gotta go, I have a future to plan. 

(Last week.)

[gentil-minou]

Hi Bushy! I'd like to ask how did you get into k-dramas/ c-dramas and what are your favorites? I'm currently watching Love between fairy and devil and I'm so into it!

oh man i've been into asian dramas since I was a little teen. like while all my peers were into anime i gravitated toward jdramas, before eventually getting into kdramas and more recently this past year cdramas. I think I love the stories and that they're shorter overall than western tv, so I don't have to keep being engaged over the years.

Narrowing down my faves is soooo hard but for folks who want to get into kdramas my recs would be (under a read more because I used a lot of gifs):

Coffee Prince - all time fave, just the best characters and sweetest story. The ending was meh but I adore them all so much, this will always have a special place in my heart. Also the OST still SLAPS. Also also I know I used the term my best girl a lot but Go Eun Chan IS ACTUALLY the best girl she is like my dearest friend

Strong Woman Do Bong Soon - MY BEST GIRL (yes i know what i just said) and my best pathetic man, adore them and this story. Kdramas have this fun genre thats basically romcom with a side of murder and I eat that up. Also two of my favorite actors ever

Twenty Five Twenty One - I have to rec it because those first 12-14 episodes were the best episodes of any drama I've ever seen. Just phenomenal. Might break your heart but worth it tbh

When the Camelia Blooms - see: romcom with a side of murder genre. also just adore everything gong hyo jin is in

Healer - it's got its problems but the identity shenanigans are top tier just YEAH

Extraordinary Attorney Woo - I know western fans might not be so impressed with the fact that the actress herself is not on the spectrum, but I thought the portrayal was very well done and considering how this is the first kdrama depicting ASD characters as the hero, it's an incredible first step. Also it's just so adorable and wonderful I even put up with my hatred of legal dramas for it. Also whales.

Her Private Life - prettiest main couple ever i could stare at them forever. i'm not a fan of the childhood connection plot but i accepted it for this, also Sian my baby boy

Goong - SO DATED NOW but it's my first kdrama so i gotta rec it omg. But arranged marriage enemies to lovers YESSS AND MODERN MONARCHY YEAHHHH

Moonlight Drawn by Clouds - the crossdressing trope is a big one in kdrama and i always enjoy it look im a simple gal okay. also i adore the female lead so much

A Business Proposal - kookie fun, just so much fun djkfhsd. Wonderful friendships and romance. Thank god this aired while 2521 was on air cause i don't know how i would have survived tbh

Weightlifting Fairy Kim Bok Joo - JUST THE CUTEST MAIN LEADS LIKE GOSH I LOVE THEM SO MUCH

Those are the ones off the top of my head I have to admit I am BEHIND and i don't always finish a drama, because tbh it's really a mixed bag and they can be good or absolute garbage but depends on your interests. I tend to gravitate towards romance genres but theres a lot of intrigue and mystery and action and melodrama there's really something for everyone. And not everyone will agree with each other on it but still

I'm new to cdramas but I really loved Love Between Fairy and Devil, stellar throughout. I gotta rec The Untamed because my best boys but it might not be for everyone. I'm still working on New Life Begins but it's very cute and feel good.

Give me more recs btw! I love them!

[milkwaydreams]

I posted 334 times in 2022

That's 334 more posts than 2021!

13 posts created (4%)

321 posts reblogged (96%)

Blogs I reblogged the most:

@nanons

@team-win

@wuxyings

@gunsatthaphan

@scoupsy

I tagged 12 of my posts in 2022

#kpop - 6 posts

#haechan - 3 posts

#nct - 3 posts

#renjun - 3 posts

#jaemin - 3 posts

#chenle - 3 posts

#kinnporsche - 3 posts

#mark lee - 3 posts

#taeyong - 2 posts

#doyoung - 2 posts

Longest Tag: 91 characters

#i just know the one of them is kidnapped out of nowhere and they fall in love for no reason

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

Okay, I didn't know it was possible but, I just fell in love with Seventeen... AGAIN!!

FOR GOD'S SAKE, THEY ARE ALREADY MY ULT. WHAT MORE THEY WANT FROM ME???!!

I WILL GIVE EVERYTHING FOR THEM ANYWAY

Everyone looks SOOO GOOD this era. MINGHAO????!!!!!!! DK???!!! SCOUPS LONG HAIR??!!! LIKE.... OMG. HELP.

I was down the hole day and now, I'm so happy. This is the effect Seventeen has on me. Thank you boys, for everything 😭😭😭😭❤️❤️❤️❤️

See the full post

7 notes - Posted May 27, 2022

#4

Is it possible to be bias wrecked by your own bias??!!

LEE TAEYONG, GO EASY ON ME BOY!

I'M YOUR WEAKEST SOLDIER 🥵🥵🥵

and the plaque behind does say "caution"...

12 notes - Posted October 23, 2022

#3

I must say: wow. WHAT A MENTAL BREAKDOWN I HAD KINNPORSCHE. THANK YOU 😭😭😭😭

VegasPete BREAKING ME DOWN WITH THEN... I can't... How am I going to survive now??

I was getting really mad thinking that Vegas died, I was like "What? Really? Don't do this to me production crew. Please don't...", but, after that post credits scene... I forgive you for everything 🤣🤣🤣

IT WAS SO FREAKING CUTE. OMG... I can't even talk about how much I loved that scene. Macau being cute with his brother, oh my God. And I can't stop thinking about the conversations that Macau and Pete had while Vegas was sleeping. That "That was fast" from Macau, got me thinking they plotted making Vegas act cute AND I LOVED IT 😭😭😭😭

Also, so sad we didn't get a proper ending to KimChay🥺🥺🥺

But... THAT SCENE OF KIM PROTECTING CHAY🥵🥵🥵🥵 AS IF I WASN'T ALREADY IN LOVE WITH JEFF ENOUGH🤣🤣🤣

I couldn't stop smiling and giggling the whole scene🤣🤣🙈🙈🙈

There's still so many things to unveil. I really hope to get a second season 🥺🥺

13 notes - Posted July 10, 2022

#2

~BL/GL TAG GAME~

I was tagged by @wanderlust-in-my-soul 😍

Your all time favorite bl character and why?

Wow, there are some.

I have to say Intouch (UWMA) because I love his determination. He says "That boy is gonna be mine" and he gets the boy. I love him for it.

Also Ram (My Engineer) because I loove his personality. I see myself in him a little bit. He only talks to who he wants to and when he wants and I think that's so funny🤣. He also love animals and is afraid of kids just like me so.. 🤣🤣

What’s your one character from a bl you wanted to punt into the stratosphere (you only get one so choose wisely).

Humm... I know that I should choose only one but, Korn and Intouch's (UWMA) fathers for OBVIOUS reasons🤬

Or Llong (TharnType) because, Tharn and Type are toxic to each other A LOT, but, Llong was going to KILL Type if their friends didn't stopped him and, he literally hire some guys to RAPE a completely innocent person just because he was dating Tharn.

The best music moment from a bl.

I guess, Sarawat (2gether) singing "Tine" in the last episode. Or Korn and Win (Cupid's Last Wish) COMPLETELY high singing and dancing like they were recording a MV in the middle of nowhere 🤣🤣

What’s a popular heterosexual text that you would like to see adapted into a bl/gl?

I would love to see a BL version of Boys Over Flowers (or F4 Thailand, or Meteor Garden. You get it). Not exactly a "text" but, I thought about it while seeing F4 Thailand on air "It's always the same. It would be amazing if it ended up being a BL in the end" 🤣🤣🤣

A scene from a bl that always makes you laugh.

The last RamKing (My Engineer) scene where King thinks Ram was drunk and didn't remember their kiss, but Ram didn't drink at all🤣🤣

Also, that one when Saifah and Zon (Why R U?) wakes up cuddling to it other and Zon starts saying nonsense like "Did you used condom? Am I gonna get pregnant?" 🤣🤣🤣 I Love this scene🤣🤣

Biggest disappointment.

Enchanté. The first episode was really cute, but then, I don't know what happened. I loved the whole "Find the Enchanté" thing just to be the own Theo who wrote it because he wanted Akk's attention... And that last episode, what was that? Out of nowhere, after doing all that book scene to get Akk, he's leaving just like that?! And Akk's sister saying those things to him??? That's her way of helping?? Really disappointed.

And I have to mention Cutie Pie. It's not bad, but I guess I waited too much for too long. Since the first announcement that Zee was going to be in a new BL, I was sooo hyped, but when I finally watched it, it didn't get me. Still going to watch it anyway because I love the actors and I loved the other couples, but I got really lazy, unfortunately🥺🥺

What two random bl/gl characters would make hilarious exes?

I have no idea 🤣🤣🤣🙈🙈

But I thought about a conversation of Fiat (Don't Say No), Jang Jaeyoung (Semantic Error) and Nuea, Kaeng and Team (Y Destiny), they would count bodies all day 🤣🤣🤣

Who would be the funniest person to person to watch a bl in its entirety and which one would you make them watch.

A lot of people finds it weird but, I always watch BL with my mom🤣🤣 She's is best person to watch it with. She loves anything I choose to so🤣🤣

I also would love to watch Cherry Blossom After Winter with @wanderlust-in-my-soul it would be perfect 😍😍

Best wardrobe moment/or character wardrobe from a bl.

I love the red suit Fiat (Don't Say No) wears for the party in the end. That entrance with the twins (who are really cute too) behind him, wow😍😍

And I guess Kinn's (KinnPorsche) whole wardrobe too. That man knows how to wear a suit, as he should cause, wow, he's GORGEOUS in those suits🤤

----------------------------------------------------------

Thank you so much for tagging me😍😍

See the full post

20 notes - Posted April 27, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Okay, I just want to put it out what I'm feeling right now after EP13, but I'm going to focus only on PeteVegas because, too much happened in this episode.

First of all, I just need to leave something very clear here: I didn't knew anything about the novel before watching the series so, I was really blind and didn't know what to expect. That being said, let's move on.

I still don't know what I feel when I think about them. I started watching KinnPorsche BECAUSE of VegasPete, I wanted to see them together. Them Pete got captured and I realized the road that they would go.

I'm completely biased by Bible, so I didn't imagine that I would HATE his character. And I did. For a moment. Now I'm... Confused cause at the same time I want to kill him, I want to protect him ("At the same time I wanna hug you, I wanna wrap my hands around your neck - P!nk")

Something I'm really enjoying is to see how everyone interpret their relationship differently, that's amazing. So I want to leave here what I think they have.

I don't think it Love. I don't think it's anything really rational. I think they developed a toxic emotional support that they crave above anything else. I genuinely think they can't live without each other anymore because of this bounding. Vegas gets better because of Pete, but also he can reach his peak of destruction for Pete too. The same for Pete. He has a pure heart even after everything he did and have been through, but he fakes smiles and happiness too much. With Vegas, he can show the evil part of himself without being judged of anything. They are literally like Yin and Yang. They need each other for balance. Pete needs Vegas to be mean, and Vegas needs Pete to be good.

It's not love, it's balance. They both know what they are doing it's wrong, but still want it ("Mama, I'm in love with a criminal and this type of love, it's not rational, it's phisical - Britney")

Also, the scene where Pete was "eating" the ramyeon and breaks down crying, wow. I also saw a lot of people saying different things about it and, one of the things people said was that his friends and people o cares about him are around him but he is still left alone. I don't think the others left him alone just like that. He's visible hurt, both, inside and out, holding tears all the time... I would give him some time too. And, he may have asked to be alone for a while cause, Khul would talk to much, ask too much, and he's not in a good shape for all Khul's presence at that moment, you know?

And when he touches where the handcuffs were, his chest and neck where Vegas touched, I really think he was missing him, but his crying because he don't want to miss Vegas. Crying because because he knows it's wrong and unhealthy, but he's still worried, maybe even not for himself but for what Vegas may do without him. He can't control him if he's not near him. I guess it's obvious now that Vegas don't control Pete, Pete controls him.

And one last thing, yes, they can't kill each other because, like I said, they balance one another. If one of them dies, the other will crumble. If they hurt each other, they hurt themselves. That's why I think Pete couldn't pull the trigger and Vegas couldn't stab Pete.

All of this is just how I feel about them, how I read them myself.

I love seeing the other ways they are being read so, if you want to talk more about them or other couple, even other series, I will gladly talk to you. 🥰🥰

And I need to say, shout out to the whole KinnPorsche's crew cause I'm really impressed by this series 😍😍

21 notes - Posted July 3, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[just-some-random-blogger]

hello, catmmom! meowmeow! im a little late today but! its finally day! aww jinjin is so great! hell meet you like this soon! 'my teacher says its good to cry 2 a week' yeah you have! idk if i really actually cry that much but ive got some eye drops for the lenses. im SO sorry for the onion TT hope your eyes are cleaned now hgjfkd. i wasnt like DRINKING but i had a couple of drinks in the friends home and she lives pretty close. i wasnt drunk but i had a drunk friend whos going home w/me TT my ass was attacked... 'because being drunk is so fascinating' it never ends well... hope youll be careful with it and not die on the way home. 'cos filipino is neutral everything' yeah i love that in languages. its nice. but also for me as a person whose language has genders it not really convenient... 'i guess you like spoken poetry with background' this is literally the definition of the music i used to listen when i was 13... 'i love the kitties and the cutie bb girl <3' oh CUTE isnt it :з CANT WAIT TO BE AN ADULT *star eyes* im not mocking your guess, its just amusing in general... im sorry for your jaw. i really am. when i found this video i was pretty much like this. but this video is like 12 years old and i really dont know the real reason for it so.. ok let it be... 'experience affect us as a person' it wasnt that deep TT i just got some vibes of that album and liked to listen to it while reading the fics? the hotd (just medival royalty) fics and that album just match in me head. 'it bothered me so much' omg im sorry for your brain TT hope its ok now since that time. 'i just ignore everyone' YEAH while all my friends are worried and try to not enter(?) log in to the social media to seem like they havent seen a message, i dont even care, i just ignore everyone TT except you <з 'i never even learned about stevens mom' OOOH youre such a baby in this ghdjkfh. its ok if you dont want to watch it, the music is still fine af. 'thats why i like making my fem characters chew their male' yaas queen! make men miserable again! 'i think ur just judgy' no im not like plainly insult the people i dont like. im just irritated TT why im boo???? he literally put his fetish in his MOST famous novel that we study in the 9th grade?? i couldnt ignore like? half of the page? AHAJSJD i was confused when i started from the season 5 too GHDJFJJ one big brain cell. hope you liked the episode at least? KITTY FOR GOOD LUCK TT meowmeow TT this poor stray TT hope hes doing great... 'YUCK' we call it national humor. 'ill always be old to someone and young to others' so true so big brained. 'DID YOU EXPECT THAT ID DATE HIM' NO well.... but no. it was just a little amusing with its bluntness. AHFJJGG this game looks so cool. plutos doing its best TT 'who cares if theres smth like this you nor i have not written it' so true so big brained. hope to see it too ghjdjdd. sorry this time i have no fic idea bc i want to sleep. but i wish you good luck w/your fics. 'my deimos and phobos queen' HGJDKG ITS A HONOUR THANKS!! theyre actually translated as dread and fear... greek gods... 'IS THE SKY CLOSER WTF THERE' like ive said the atmosphere is thinner and basically?... its reallyreally a lot more abstract than in reality? but the constellations are definately closer. but also weve got a very dry air so people in the north tend to have problems with breathing. idk ive recalled it bc we say that theres not enough oxygen? but its not fully truth so yeah ok biology lesson is over. im gonna sleep and youre gonna have a nice evening! good luck with everything you need to do! take care<З

HELLO BABY!!

i actually read your letter yesterday right when you sent it but i was so focus on writing my fic and it look me like 99hours to finish so T_T

love letter time!!!

im a little late today but! its finally day!

thats fine T_T im also late. im glad you messaged me during the day

aww jinjin is so great! hell meet you like this soon!

im luv him T_T

'my teacher says its good to cry 2 a week' yeah you have! idk if i really actually cry that much but ive got some eye drops for the lenses.

😞im becoming like my mom. i keep repeating information AHHAAHHA. and omg you need lenses. dang you got bad eyesight T_T RIP at least you got eye drops

im SO sorry for the onion TT hope your eyes are cleaned now hgjfkd.

T_T I MEAN I GUESS BUT IT HURTS or i mean it hurt at the time. you dont have to apologize about the onion. are you an onion?

i wasnt like DRINKING but i had a couple of drinks in the friends home and she lives pretty close. i wasnt drunk but i had a drunk friend whos going home w/me TT my ass was attacked...

you were attacked??? by your drunk friend??? LOL HAHAHAHA. im glad you only drank some drinks with a friend that lives nearby. that's my ideal way to drink <3 LOL im saying this as though ive drank more than one occasion AHHHAHA. youre such a good girl for bringing your friend home [pets head]

'because being drunk is so fascinating' it never ends well... hope youll be careful with it and not die on the way home.

HAHAHHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH i will be careful dont worry i love you thank you for caring

'cos filipino is neutral everything' yeah i love that in languages. its nice. but also for me as a person whose language has genders it not really convenient...

yeah its so much more convenient but also so much simpler. #russianmid HAHAHAH i wonder why languages thought it was a good idea to make words fem and masc ??? LOL HAHAHH

'i guess you like spoken poetry with background' this is literally the definition of the music i used to listen when i was 13...

HAHAHHHAHAH BIG BRAINED

'i love the kitties and the cutie bb girl <3' oh CUTE isnt it :з CANT WAIT TO BE AN ADULT *star eyes* im not mocking your guess, its just amusing in general...

ASFHKASHFA:SLHF:ASFHLAFL 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩 IM GLAD ITS FUNNY TO YOU I THOUGHT IT WAS SUCH A GOOD GUESS BUT ITS NOT AND I WAS SO SHOCKED TO FIND OUT WHAT THE SONG MEANT 🤩🤩🤩🤩🤩

im sorry for your jaw. i really am. when i found this video i was pretty much like this. but this video is like 12 years old and i really dont know the real reason for it so.. ok let it be...

DAMN omg then theres a good chance that child is like.... our age? klsgahf;lhasflashf;lashfl;ashfsalh LOL my jaw is fine btw SAL:HDLAHDLA

'experience affect us as a person' it wasnt that deep TT

DAMN OK i mean i didnt know what to say about it and i didnt want to skip it 😞😩 but maybe i should have T_T i cant believe you ur so mean T_T HAHA jk lol AHHAHAHHA

i just got some vibes of that album and liked to listen to it while reading the fics? the hotd (just medival royalty) fics and that album just match in me head.

k HAHHAHHAAH

'it bothered me so much' omg im sorry for your brain TT hope its ok now since that time.

ASFHLASHFLASHFSAHFAF ive never recovered T_T i need brain intervention or smth T_T HAHHAH

'i just ignore everyone' YEAH while all my friends are worried and try to not enter(?) log in to the social media to seem like they havent seen a message, i dont even care, i just ignore everyone TT except you <з

AW

i love that for me <3 im honored that you love me so much to respond to me every time T_T [CRYING]

ALSO YOUR FRIEND HAHAHHAHHAHHAHAHAAHHAHA low key like me, except i try not to log in to purposefully ignore messages HAHAHHAHAAHHAAHAHHA T_T

'i never even learned about stevens mom' OOOH youre such a baby in this ghdjkfh.

?????????????????????????????????????? why am i a baby? im not offended im just confused ??????????

its ok if you dont want to watch it, the music is still fine af.

i mean i want to watch it but also im not going to search for it so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ i guess im not going to watch it

'thats why i like making my fem characters chew their male' yaas queen! make men miserable again!

😡🤬✊ i think deserve

'i think ur just judgy' no im not like plainly insult the people i dont like. im just irritated TT

T_T PLSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THAT LIKE ALMOST THE SAME THING BECAUSE YOU DONT LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE T_T MY CHILD MY SWEET SUMMER CHILD

why im boo????

HELP YOURE NOT BOO I LOVE YOU T_T i said you too you boo to your mr worldwife dude AHAHHAH also i didnt mean like boo 👎👎👎 as in bad, i mean like boo which is a term of endearment T_T im so sorry. it was like an expression, it would be the same as you do you babe. T_T english is such a rat T_T im so sorry

he literally put his fetish in his MOST famous novel that we study in the 9th grade?? i couldnt ignore like? half of the page?

HE WHAT HAHAHAHHAHAHAH PLS HALF A PAGE>? LOL ughsssssssssss i wonder what ur teacher said to a bunch of 9th graders, 'a yes today we will be learning about kinks cos this moron likes feet and dedicated a whole section of that to his work T_T' LOL

AHAJSJD i was confused when i started from the season 5 too GHDJFJJ one big brain cell. hope you liked the episode at least?

I MEAN I LIKED THE EPISODE i watched the day of the doctor, the one with david tennant and matt smith and john hurt and all that and it was funny and cute but also ??? very confusion much idk ??? to some parts. it was plain to me that it was meant for people who have been watching doctor who up until that point so i couldnt appreciate it as much, and the idea overwhelmed me, like i would have to watch at least the entirety of david's dw to get it and i mean i wanted to start with him but whatever BYE

oMG i also watched this episode. and the van gogh ep with matt. thats it. never again T_T

KITTY FOR GOOD LUCK TT meowmeow TT this poor stray TT hope hes doing great...

me too. he's kind a mean tho. there is a cat in our street at... was maltreated by someone T_T oh no am i going to cry. the poor kitty is missing a paw and has cuts on their body FUCK ANYWAY that sweet cat that i pet was mean to that injured kitty T_T so.... i mean theyre just cats T_T but T_T i haven't seen the injuered cat in a while T_T i thought the kitty was getting better. but idk where the poor cat went.

'YUCK' we call it national humor.

AGFLAGHSFLHAFLHASF YUCK

'ill always be old to someone and young to others' so true so big brained.

lol cheers also tHES DOGGOS HAHHHAHAHAAAHHHAHA

'DID YOU EXPECT THAT ID DATE HIM' NO well.... but no. it was just a little amusing with its bluntness.

T_T please. i have been straightforward thus far so /: HAAHH of course id tell that story that way AHAHA

AHFJJGG this game looks so cool. plutos doing its best TT

IT IS T_T IM LUV PLUTO

'who cares if theres smth like this you nor i have not written it' so true so big brained. hope to see it too ghjdjdd.

<3 big brain everyday

sorry this time i have no fic idea bc i want to sleep.

??? THATS FINE???? you dont have to give me fic ideas everyday ??? GIRL

but i wish you good luck w/your fics.

thank you 😩✊ i finished one yesterday after not posting for 2 days T_T i usually post every other day so im happy to finish that fic <3 now i gotta finish editing that song cover i did so you can watch it AHAHAHAH

'my deimos and phobos queen' HGJDKG ITS A HONOUR THANKS!! theyre actually translated as dread and fear... greek gods...

OHEMGEE WOW i didnt realize <3 that's so good to know that you for telling me. also HAHHHAH i wonder why- OOP NEVER MIND oh wait nvm again i was gonna say its because hades and dread and fear live in the underworld ??? (at least based on the disney hercules HAHHAHAHAHAAH) but mars is ares so LOL HAHA it could be because dread and fear follow war T_T RIP THEY WERE TOO REAL FOR THAT

'IS THE SKY CLOSER WTF THERE' like ive said the atmosphere is thinner and basically?... its reallyreally a lot more abstract than in reality? but the constellations are definately closer. but also weve got a very dry air so people in the north tend to have problems with breathing. idk ive recalled it bc we say that theres not enough oxygen? but its not fully truth so yeah ok biology lesson is over.

T_T THE AIR IS DRIER THERE RIP YOUR LUNGS as someone who lives in a very humid place, i think T_T russia would come and bonk me in the head if i ever went there T_T 💀 on my grave. thank you for trying to explain it to me. its very interesting to know. i am both fascinated by the fact and feel bad kinda that your climates are so harsh T_T LASHFHASFHLAS but hey at least you can see the stars better !!!!!!!!!!!! LOVE THAT FOR YOU

im gonna sleep and youre gonna have a nice evening! good luck with everything you need to do! take care<З

i hope you had a nice sleep! im luv you! i hope you have a wonderful day my love <3

xxx

[woodchoc-magnum]

L*ne St*r Hate Watch 3x05

DISCLAIMER: I am now putting stars in the name of the show to try and stop my hate watches from turning up in the tags - so if for some reason it has, I'm sorry, I don't know what the fuck else to do other than to tell you again: DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU LOVE THE SHOW. That's all you gotta do, babe, just scroll on by and have a great day.

Eddie Diaz for beautiful energy:

I heard this episode was a doozy, so let's do this

This is gross

It's instantly gross, with Owen sleeping with women half his age

"one night strand" gross

He's even wearing a gross gold necklace

I've already said "gross" four times and we're less than five minutes in, this bodes well

This is judd's illegitimate son isn't it

You know what pisses me off? Judd and grace can't have a happy fucking minute

The very next episode after the birth of their daughter, here comes judd's illegitimate son

Do we say "illegitimate" anymore? It feels antiquated

Or should I say "love child"

What's the appropriate lingo here I wonder

Grace is the most beautiful, like omg

I mean am I happy that we're having more of a Judd and Grace moment and less of a TK moment? Sure

He seems like a nice kid though

Idk how I'm supposed to feel about this, and what I mostly feel is just ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

"Mr Whispers" I am INSTANTLY ON EDGE

Is this some fucking creeper talking through the camera? It 100% is, isn't it

Fuccckkkkk

I don't know if it's an American thing or what but I don't understand having a bunch of security cameras in the house? OH GOD HE IS TALKING TO HER THROUGH THE CAMERA

WHAT A FUCKING CREEP

Oh my godddddddddd this is sufficiently creepy

Okay see – I don't hate the show when it's like this, just regular run-of-the-mill emergencies? Like this is far more interesting to me than four episodes of a snow storm

I mean obviously I hate the show whenever TK or Owen are on the screen – that's just a given

The day that I stop hating Owen and TK is the day that you guys need to stage an intervention

Or like, notify emergency services that I've had a stroke or something like that

I hope this little girl is okay

Did that fucking guy abduct her?

I'm feeling like yes and that is terrifying

Carlos is all over this

The detective he's talking to is being very dismissive of him and you know what? I think maybe Carlos should be a detective

But that would involve Carlos having a storyline of his own that doesn't involve TK, and that's probably not a road the show will go down

Am I annoyed that they have given Grace and Judd a roadblock literally right after they had a baby? Yes

Because it feels cheap

But then also it means less screentime for Owen and TK so… I guess I'm okay with it?

Like I get why Grace is upset but also he didn't know he had a kid? I don't think Judd is the kind of guy who wouldn't care that he had a son.

You know what's gross? Owen can date women in their 20s but if a woman dates a man in his 20s then she's a cougar. Meanwhile men can fuck whoever they want and that's totally fine, but when it's a woman? It's wrong

/this has been a feminist rant; I got to thinking during a boring as fuck Owen scene

Also has Rob Lowe dyed his hair? Discuss. (I'm thinking yes)

I hate that every single plot and character in this show revolves around Owen

"I'm cooler than John Cusack" I don't think SO, Owen. He was in Con Air, what the fuck have you done lately? NOT BEEN IN CON AIR, THAT'S FOR SURE.

(and yes obviously that's Nicolas Cage but the John Cusack gifs were shit)

I'm never getting a nanny cam.

My friend asked me once if I would get one so I could watch the cats while I was at work, and I was like, they would literally just be asleep all day. Then they'd get up, have a snack, maybe have a quick bath and then go back to sleep. It would be very, very boring

Yes Carlos, I too would jump if TK touched me

"Babe it's three in the morning, can you come back to bed?" TK asks in a monotone

I don't even know why Carlos is bothering to tell TK about this – if it's not about TK, it's not like he'll care

This nanny cam storyline is genuinely good? And I'm invested in it and wish it had been in the OG and it was Athena investigating

Carlos has cracked the case!

"the unsub" – I just had an incredibly tense and vivid flashback to my Criminal Minds days

Oh Amy Acker

What are you doing here? You're so much better than this

I stuck with Person of Interest for Amy Acker – five seasons of it, for her

They did her so fucking dirty in Angel

They're saying "Scorsese" weird and it's annoying me

Amy, please. You could do better. Please employ your bullshit detector and tell Owen Strand to fuck off

Now they're fighting over Matthew "t-rex arms" McConaughey

"the finest actor of his generation" WHAT

I mean I enjoy McConaughey but wow, okay

WHY ARE THEY HAVING THIS FUCKING CONVERSATION ABOUT MATTHEW MCCONAUGHEY THAT'S BEEN GOING ON FOR TEN MINUTES

I'm pretty sure Owen wants to fuck Matthew McConaughey

She's dumping him! Go Amy Acker!

Oh fuck.

So this whole kidnapped girl storyline – which was Carlos' storyline – is being hijacked by Owen fucking Strand because why

Because Rob Lowe can't have one episode where he's not the focus and the fucking hero and like so amazing and wonderful

He's stolen poor Amy Acker's nice car and is in pursuit like he's a fucking cop or something?

All so Rob Lowe can be the hero

That's literally all this is

It's so fucking annoying.

I mean I guess I'm glad that TK has had literally three lines this whole episode – that's a good thing

Oh here's Carlos, to have his face rubbed in it

Great.

No AMY DO NOT GIVE HIM A SECOND CHANCE

THEY'RE STILL ARGUING ABOUT MCCONAUGHEY???????

She can do better. I hope she dumps him and I hope we get to see it (but let's face it, that won't happen)

"my boyfriend thinks I'm a control freak" – you need to dump him. He sucks.

Oh this is Judd's… baby mama? I've seen her in something but I absolutely don't remember what it was

Damn Charlie is the CUTEST BABY

I mean I don't hate this storyline for Judd and Grace? I just wish it hadn't happened literally one episode after they had a baby.

Okay it's finished and honestly it wasn't the worst episode – had I simply fast forwarded every scene with Rob Lowe in it, it would've been pretty enjoyable!

Also I know there is a TK and Owen-centric episode coming up at some point and you guys - I'm warning you right now, I don't think I can sit through 40 minutes of both of them. That's pure torture and I shouldn't have to subject myself to it!

Eddie Diaz for an injection of pure hotness:

[danniburgh]

Rushingly Bittersweet (Javier Peña x f!reader) part 21

Pairing: Javier Peña x ofc//f!reader with name.

Summary: After the fall of Escobar everything starts happening way too fast for Javier; his raise, his new office, his new team, the Cali cartel’s operation, the sudden arrival of a new agent that was transferred to his team for no apparent reason, the way he was falling in love with her almost unintentionally.

And he couldn’t seem to stop any of that.

Word count: +4.9k

Chapter warnings: uhm, this chapter is Javier’s perspective ehehe, so, beware fo feelings

A/N: This chapter is set in season three, episode ten. // again, i am really fucking sorry, but we are ALMOST DONE OMG, also i wanna say thanks to my official cheerleaders @queenofthefaceless and @maharani-radha-writes​ that helped me a lot and @alliterative-albatross​ that made me feel sure of some of the ideas i had for this chapter, i love you lots, guys. While proof reading this chapter for the first time i understood why it was the hardest to write, it was because i had just to strip myself naked and understand more of Javier Peña as i had built him... i just... im not quite pleased with the second half of this, but i know its needed.

ao3 // fic index // Masterlist // fic playlist

comments and reblogs are eternally appreciated 💓 let me know if you wanna be tagged

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gif: @javier-pena (thank you so much for making this when i needed it the most, ily)

The air weighed on his chest; he felt his lungs struggling to find air; as he drove home, he felt his heart pounding hard and fast, as if it wanted to rip out of his chest and run and hide and die.

As if his heart wanted the same he did.

Javier couldn’t sleep that night. He didn’t even try to close his eyes after climbing into bed.

Every time he closed his eyes, he saw you.

Jesus Christ.

His mind was reeling, he couldn’t stop replaying every single thing you told him in his mind.

“My name is not Florencia Martín”

“A precarious situation”

“Another Los Pepes scenario”

“You do care, you care a lot”

He wanted to crawl into a deep hole and bury himself to stop his body from feeling.

Javier cringed deeply when he remembered he had told you he had fallen in love with you without even thinking about it.

That certainly wasn’t the way you were supposed to find out.

He guessed, while tossing around on his bed, on the same sheets that still smelled like you, that he had it coming. He probably deserved it. But that didn’t make him feel any better, it stung.

It burned.

Javier had stripped himself naked for you, more than just his body, he had let you see him; he had let you touch him; he had let you read him; he had let you know him.

He had let himself feel and… he had let himself think he deserved something good.

He felt like such an idiot, stupid and embarrassed because there you had been… Standing in front of him, in a place he thought it would become something close to his fortress, breaking him. And he let you.

God. He had known you for less than six months, and yet he let you have power over him. All that power to make him whatever you wanted. He had handed you a sledgehammer and his heart and soul on a porcelain platter for you to shatter.

And he just took it.

Javier huffed at his own thoughts while his eyes were glued to the ceiling.

He was an idiot, wasn’t he? Having let himself feel all those things he had been so beware of for a woman he never really knew.

What else was fake about you?

He felt that sting, known and oh so foreign clench in his throat and he fought it. He fought it hard. Why was he feeling like that?

“A precarious situation”

“You do care, you care a lot”

He sat up and brought his knees to his chest, clenching his jaw so tight his face started trembling.

He had to unclench it so he could open his mouth and gasp for air because his lungs were tightening in his chest and he knew he just had to let go. He shook his head to nothing and fought it again. He would not break. He couldn’t.

But then he remembered he was all alone. Just him and his mind and... he stopped fighting for the first time in years and allowed his feelings to pour down from his eyes.

Javier clenched his jaw again as he felt the thick, years old tears pouring and pouring, clouding his sight, flooding his face.

“Fuck,” he muttered to nothing, resting his face on his hand and his arm on his knee, his chest struggling with the silent sobs he was drowning in.

Javier cried for around an hour.

He allowed himself to cry, to cry for you, because if he had allowed himself to fall in love with you and he had allowed you to wield power over him, he deserved a chance to fall apart as well.

He had earned it.

His tears of grief and pain became tears of anger and pain.

He was so angry; at himself, because, thinking again about everything you had told him, you had said something right; he had dragged you into having whatever the hell you two had. He had kissed you and practically turned your wrist into starting something with him only, and just only because he felt lonely. Because he felt like maybe, for the first time in decades, he could have something good. Because he felt like maybe it was time for him to love and be loved again when, in reality, he didn’t deserve to be loved by anyone.

He had let himself believe you could be something else, less complicated. But how wrong he was… Him? Loved? As if. Him? In Colombia? Laughable.

That country… It became more than clear how much he had lost by going down there.

He huffed again in between tears at how it took a massive hit to the heart for him to realize how much he had lost in the years he had been there.

He was so angry; at the system. The fucking system that forced you and him into taking assignments you didn’t deserve to take. There wasn’t another moment he hated more right then, than the moment he had said yes to returning to Colombia. His dad was right, he didn’t like what he found. And it truly changed him before he could change it. How he wanted to have listened to him, how he wanted to not be the stubborn ass he was and just… said no.

And you? You had taken an assignment that promised unreachable things, one that forced you into turning into a liar, one that didn’t let you be yourself.

Fuck, was he really trying to find justifications for what you did even though you had broken him in pieces?

He was so angry; at you. For lying to him and from dropping the facade, for taking off the mask that he had rushed to love, for thinking he deserved the truth instead of you leaving once everything was over. He thought it would have hurt less if you had just… disappeared.

He wouldn’t be crying at three in the morning on his bed if you had just vanished into thin air.

Javier remembered seeing the hope in your eyes when you were telling him the truth, who you really were, he saw it and he wanted to tell you he forgave you. But neither of you deserved something that good.

He was sure it all was some kind of karma. A penance for all his sins, a way too high price he had to pay for all the shit he had done.

He realized then, while sitting on his bed in the middle of the night, the same one he had shared with you for nights that felt burned into his memory, that you and him weren’t so different.

That you two had more in common than he had first thought. That you, as he had said to you before, when you were still wrapped around his arms on that same bed, were a person who was willing to do anything for a greater cause. That you as well were capable of doing anything if you thought it did good, that you also were capable of sacrifice, of losing everything as long as you were doing what you thought was the right thing.

And you had told him, as you cried your eyes out in front of him, facing him and facing and taking all the repercussions of your actions, that you really thought it was the right thing to do.

The realization was truly bittersweet. He didn’t like that even when you had broken his heart and stepped on the pieces as you walked out, he still understood why you did it.

After that despaired, miserable night, he decided he was done bringing you to the front of his mind, so he shoved all the memories of you and tried to repress them in the back of his head along with countless others he didn’t rather to address.

The next day he stepped into the office with less than half an hour of sleep he had seemed to catch while condemning himself in the solitude of his room and avoided looking at your still cluttered desk. Full of you.

He ignored Stoddard when he asked him where you were as he stepped out of the office to head to Cali an hour later and while the elevator brought him down to the lobby he tried to drown the way the mention of your fake name made him feel.

That morning you walked directly to the CIA office, every step you gave into the embassy hurt in your body, mind and soul as if each one had a dagger embedded deeply and an invisible hand was twisting each dagger deeper. You felt the weight of the world on your shoulders. You entered, unannounced, into Stechner’s office, not even trying to hide the enormous amount of pain you were going through. You were tired of hiding things.

“Ah, my favorite DEA agent,” Stechner said when he saw you walk in “well, not anymore, I guess.” he smirked and you felt his gaze linger on your body, shamelessly.

“Let’s just get this over with.” you muttered, crossing your arms on your chest.

“Oh, this is more than over, alright?” the man leaned back on his chair and reached a manila folder that rested on top of others on his desk and raised it so you could see it “resignation, what a word,” he said, putting the folder back on the desk, opening the folder and taking the sole sheet of paper on his hand “really? after you failed almost epically?” Stechner smiled humorlessly and took your resignation letter in both hands and… ripped it in half.

You drowned a gasp.

“You have a flight to Washington today at noon.” he let out softly, feigning a comprehensive tone.

“Of course I do.” you mumbled, dropping your arms to the sides, feeling your eyes flood with tears as you saw him tossing the parts of your resignation letter in the trash can.

You blinked the tears away and quietly took a deep breath, halfway achieving a fake sense of stability you had fed yourself since the night before.

What were you thinking, after everything you did they would have let you get off easy? Of course not you silly girl.

“Oh, honey, you need a hug?” Stechner asked with a teasing gaze and a fake tone of worry “I bet breaking up with Peña really did something on you, you look like a mess”

You tightened your jaw and rolled your hands into fists, Stechner noticed, and his mocking face dropped.

“Anything else?” you asked him, voice hardened, with your eyes staring right into his, admonishing him, warning him. He knew what you were capable of, you knew he did.

He shook his head twice, and you lifted your chin up.

“I really wish you the best, sweetie.” he mumbled, dropping his gaze to his desk and trying to ignore the way your face turned into a scowl at the endearment.

“No, you don’t, you fucker,” you all but growled wanting nothing more than to erase that seemingly permanent smirk off his face that grew after he raised his head to look at you “you’re happy that I’m getting out of here like this,” you chuckled bitterly “you wanted this to happen, I hope you’re satisfied.” you let out all the venom you had been keeping inside you for that man in the last sentence you spat to him.

“You’re right, but I won’t say it,” he tutted and shook his head slowly “you really cost us a lot, sweetheart,” he mumbled and you were sure you were about to spit foam from the rage inside you “I hope you know that.”

You sighed and smiled bitterly at the man. Ever so fucking disgusting. For the first time in your life, you wanted something bad to happen to someone. And you didn’t regret it.

“I won’t ever forget it.” you spat at him in a soft voice that made him glare at you with a serious face.

You turned around and walked out of his office, leaving the door open, feeling his stare on your back.

Feeling, then more than ever, the insides of your mind finishing crashing down. Finally broken. Fully broken.

You walked towards the elevator and pushed the lobby button, hoping to dissolve in the way, hoping the elevator floor would just break and the void swallowed you and your body crashed against the concrete floor of the second basement.

But instead, the doors opened on the DEA floor and Stoddard stepped inside, shooting you a concerned smile as the doors closed.

“Hi, Florencia,” he looked at you and you tried to give him a smile, knowing you failed “you okay?” he asked, you blinked a few times before looking at him. He pushed his glasses up.

“Yeah!” you let out in a squeal “just peachy.” you drifted your eyes away and sighed again.

“I… thought you were in Cali.” Stoddard let out after a few seconds, you turned to see him with your brow furrowed.

“Cali?”

“Well… yeah,” he shrugged “the boss and the guys went back to Cali this morning.”

You let out a sigh, of both relief and worry.

“Oh,” you said under your breath “no, I…” you shook your head and tried to smile at him again and failed, this time he noticed “I needed to take care of something else.”

“I see,” he mumbled, the elevator doors opened and you stepped out “you sure you’re okay?” he asked, looking at you, you nodded several times.

“Yeah, Stod,” you assured him, trying to make him believe it, not quite sure if you believed yourself “I’m fine.”

Stoddard nodded at you as the elevator doors closed and you waved him once goodbye. Knowing it would be the last time. You walked out of the embassy in complete and utter shame, and some part inside you screamed that you deserved it.

Javier rescued another witness that day, because he still wanted to do something right even though he didn’t feel right himself.

But then, after sending Guillermo Pallomari to Miami, he had to return to his office. That place he had thought was his fortress, and then it was turned into… a dungeon.

He didn’t ignore your cluttered desk this time; he was alone in the office, there was no one that could say anything of him if he just… looked around.

A steel cup filled with different colored pens and only red markers, a pile of unsigned DEA reports, in one of the drawers a block of sticky notes running low, the same ones you made notes on and stuck on files when you reviewed them and that Javier hated to see because they were just so fucking bright, your red coffee cup you used when you didn’t have time to grab some at his house because he just kept kissing you until you both were late, which didn't happen at your place because Javier always woke up before you and started the coffee machine, a gun holster you hated to use because it just never clutched the way you wanted to your jeans and a small, brown journal he had never seen before and that he took because there wasn’t anyone that could say anything of him if he just… looked around.

He hesitated for a moment to open the journal, unsure of himself or of what he would find. The first page had your initials, your real initials written on the far left corner and just a list of names he didn’t recognize, next a few scribbles and a phone number. Javier skimmed through the pages and around the middle he found his name. Written in your pretty handwriting, with a few numbers underneath that looked dangerously close to file codes.

He snapped the journal closed and left it where he found it. He shouldn’t have looked.

In his office he found all the documents you had risked so much to gather and all the intel you just handed to him, pretty much as he had handed you his heart.

Javier let out a sigh and grabbed the folders, sitting behind the desk and opening the first one.

He re-read every single piece of information until his eyes stung from the exhaustion, or the cigarette smoke, or maybe more unshed tears he was once again fighting so hard to keep inside him.

Tears of sadness, it was a given. But also anger, and frustration and pain, and, as a bucket of freezing cold water, years of regrets fell on him.

Javier had tried, had tried hard to bury all that shit in some far, deep corner of his mind, as he had tried to bury you and all his memories of the last four? five? months. He really did. But at that moment, sheltered inside an office that didn’t feel like his anymore, past midnight, alone and so damn vulnerable, it all rose to the surface and he found himself drowning inside a sea of his own mistakes and past sins.

It was unbearable to stay there. So he grabbed the files that felt like burning in his hands and took off.

And so, Javier went back to an empty apartment that even though had been his for a long time, felt emptier than it had ever felt without you and reminded him only of you.

Why had he allowed his house to become a fucking shrine to the time you had spent there?

Everytime he looked at everything, from the fucking lamp at the corner of the end table to the damn waterbottle you left the last morning you were there on his kitchen counter, an image of you invaded his mind. Like a suffocating wildfire, spreading with the simplest blow of the wind. Covering him, trapping him, burning him and turning him into ashes.

That night he drank almost all the alcohol he had left in his house and even then, with his body full of booze, his intoxicated mind all the time returned to you. To your face, to your eyes and that color that was so common yet somehow looked so unique, to your voice and how you called his name either on a whisper or on a scold, to your smile and how apparently you had one only for him, to your hands and how you used them one night to touch him and the next morning to grip a gun, to how you drove him crazy from the very beginning. Fuck, he loved you. And he hated you all the same.

You gave him your resignation letter, you had left a job you claimed you loved so much that you had taken on something that did you so much wrong. You quit because of what they made you do, and probably, just probably, he had to do the same. Because of what they did to him.

Was it worth it? Everything he did… Was it worth something? Anything?

He thought again of everything he had done in the past decade and felt sick at what his brain was showing him. It really wasn’t.

The idea of doing something good, doing something that could give him a little peace invaded his mind and he spent half the night thinking of something he could do to finally, finally feel like he was helping.

The next morning he found himself sitting in the conference room with Crosby hovering around him. He huffed at himself, sitting there as if there was nothing wrong going around, with the ambassador looking at him with his ever so present judgemental smirk, as if he wasn't just pieces of a man that put himself together with the weakest glue when he got dressed that morning with less than two hours of sleep after being trapped inside his house that smelled like you with nothing but alcohol and time to think. His pop was right, they did something to him in that country. He just didn’t know what.

“Y’know how many times I’ve gotten a call from the Department of Justice and State the same morning?” Crosby rhetored, Javier looked at him, already tired of the lecture he was about to get “count ‘em on one finger, guess we have you to thank for that.”

Javier dropped his eyes to the oak table in front of him and absentmindedly tried to draw a pattern with the tip of his finger while half listening to Crosby telling him about his meeting with the Colombian president to demand that the gentlemen of Cali stayed in jail. He looked back at his boss and after half a second of pondering he told him he had a draft indictment of the president’s ties with the cartel, omitting the part of the story where he had drafted it half drunk the night before. And of course Crosby laughed at it.

Javier huffed again at himself when Crosby suggested he kept the draft to himself and he felt his blood starting to boil. He sighed and fought the urge to stand up and leave. What was he thinking? That a man like Crosby would back up a man like him? Just like that? What a naïve thought.

“The DOJ’s not gonna topple a government, Agent Peña,” the ambassador told him, obviating the statement, Javier felt his chest turn “you can’t tell me you’re surprised by that.”

“Some part of me was holding out hope, I guess.” he muttered to Crosby, who walked around the table and stood next to him, Javier didn’t even bother to hide his face from him, god how tired he was of hiding.

“Well, you should tell that part to grow the fuck up,” Crosby spat and Javier drowned a bitter chuckle “no, I mean it, Agent Peña, you should be happy,” the ambassador said and Javier frowned at the man “you played the system like a goddamn fiddle, you won.”

Javier opened his mouth to rebut the statement but Crosby just walked behind his chair and left the room, leaving him with the word in his mouth.

He felt his stomach toss in disgust, at his boss, at his job, at himself. Fuck that.

“Yes, sir.” he mumbled under his breath.

Did he really win something? The job that helped him escape from everything, the one at some point of his life felt like a dream, had become a nightmare. The woman he grew to love, after years and years of not feeling that, barely got out of there alive and the name he had whispered in extasis wasn’t even hers. Everything he had once believed in was melting away like wax on a candle and being washed away by a sea of regret, desolation and anger.

Did he really win something when he had lost everything? He had even lost himself in the process of what he and everyone around him had called a once in a lifetime opportunity to end a War that was so familiar to him it almost sat at the table on Thanksgiving with him and his dad.

And when he got out of the conference room, with the weight of the world on his shoulders, the idea of following your steps and quit became a lot more attractive to him.

So he went back to his empty home filled with your memories, resigned that he wouldn’t sleep much that night either, and stood in the middle of the living room, not knowing why he felt like a visitor in his own house, chain smoking, thinking about everything just because he wanted to stop thinking about you.

Javier walked to his window and dwindled himself to watch the cars down the street pass, the city was so unaware of everything. The country was so unaware of how it was being torn apart by the same people that were elected to take care of it. And he was so fucking angry, at everything and everyone, at himself. And so tired. Exhausted.

The phone rang behind him and he didn’t even flinch at the sound, even when practically no one called his house phone. He just let the machine get it.

“Hi, Javi, uhm…” he stiffened in place when he heard your voice and turned his head to eye the cradle “I know you probably don’t wanna listen to me right now but…” you sounded small, your voice sounded thin, Javier turned around and walked towards the phone “uhm, I wanted to apologize again and…” he felt like he couldn’t think, his mind was filled with your voice as if it were a fog that clouded his vision, he wanted to pick the phone up, he wanted to ask you where you were and tell you to come home to him, but his brain wasn’t letting him “I–I’m in Washington and I tho–thought…” his eyes closed on themselves when he heard you sigh and choke down a sob “forget it, uhm, I just… fuck…”

Javier looked at the phone, the sound of static still there, he pondered if he should just swallow his anger and his newfound pride and just pick up.

“I think someone will contact you about this and I just wanted to let you know I–I didn’t tell them anything about... us…” he heard you chuckle softly and he just stood there, rolling his hands into fists, waiting for you to say something else, “I’m sorry, Javi, uhm… I really think I did the right thing by telling you, I’m just sorry it had to be like this…” you sniffed on the phone and Javier sighed, “I guess I also wanted, uhm, to hear your voice… shit.” he closed his eyes and grabbed the phone.

“Hello?” he said and gripped the receiver when the sound of the cut line replied to him.

Javier threw the receiver on the floor and sat on the couch, cursing at himself for his weakness and his hesitation altogether.

He rested his head on his hands while thinking on the few things you had said, if you were in Washington talking to the directives that meant they didn’t let you resign, that meant they were firing you. And you called him to let him know his involvement was minimal, because still after everything you were trying to divert the backlash from him.

God how he was tired.

That’s when he decided, he was going to do it. Not only for what you had made him feel, but because he just needed to leave back all the baggage he had been carrying with him for almost a decade. He needed to let go. He knew it, he needed to free himself of something that turned him entirely into a different person that wasn't even close to what he had been before, because no one else would do it for him.

And he had nothing else to lose. Absolutely nothing.

Once that thought occupied his mind, he finally could lay down on the couch and sleep.

The next morning Javier just re-dressed and called his journalist contact, he had decided, in his pre-sleep haze, that he was just gonna tell the truth. To everyone.

Just as you did with him, he was going to use all the information you had given to him to redeem yourself of your own baggage to get rid of some of his.

Even when he didn’t want to think of you, you were still helping him.

And the truth went out as he told it, and he let himself out of the whole situation by following your steps.

Until the ambassador called him into his office later that day and that time… Javier felt like he could tell the man absolutely anything.

He had nothing else to lose.

When he walked into the office Crosby was watching the news about his little interview. Javier walked and sat in across from him, feeling something that looked like freedom. But his mind was still reeling with guilt and loss.

“You didn’t really call the country that we’re guests in a narco democracy.” Crosby asked without asking, Javier looked at the man and shook his head once.

“Are you sayin’ that it isn’t?” he replied, looking at the ambassador tightening his jaw.

“The state department’s livid.”

Javier nodded a few times.

“Good, they’re responsible,” he let out and shrugged slightly “we all are.”

“Samper is not going anywhere.” Crosby let him know, quite exasperated. Javier dropped his eyes to the man’s desk.

“Well, at least people know the truth.” he said, including himself in the sentence. No more lies.

Javier saw Crosby shake his head and study the four walls that surrounded them, and he caught himself wanting to read him like you would be able to.

“I want you gone, Peña,” the ambassador told him, Javier guessed so “so do the colombians.”

“I understand, sir.” Javier replied and Crosby said nothing else. He looked at the ambassador for a few seconds and saw also a shell of a man. He guesses that it wasn’t so much the job that took a person’s humanity, but the context in which they do it.

He stood up and walked towards the door.

“You know…” Crosby called, Javier turned around “any aspirations you had for your career just got dragged behind the barn and shot.”

Javier licked his lower lip and allowed himself to look intently at the ambassador, the man looked at him with something he thought was pity.

“I resigned from the DEA this morning.”

Crosby stood up straighter when he heard it, Javier said it almost solemnly, and saying it out loud not only made it more real, but it really made him feel light as a feather for the first time since he was a teenager when he walked out of the ambassador’s office for the last time in his life.

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[jalebi-weds-bluetooth]

Hello Jalebi🧚!! sankiraizada here💃

First of all thanks a lot for being a sweet human ❤️ I love all your patient (not to mention thoroughly detailed) replies to all the asks!

You are one of many (god bless) ipk canon writers who brought back my love for the show which has been a SECRET guilty pleasure pre-covid years thanks to peer pressure (Desi soaps aren't cool enough for my stupid friends) Now I can shove good fanfics and all the amazing plot points you guys pick out from the original in their faces lol

THE ACTUAL ASK -------------

Have you noticed: for many precaps in the episodes when some serious shit is going on (ex : S5 ep41 on hotstar, police tell Arnav that Anju's car has been in an accident) they play a stupid bgm??? Like what!?

It's more Khushi pulling a prank or NK messing with Dadi than... idk Arshi escaping from kidnappers or Shyam planning to kill Anju lol

And it does not happen once or twice and as much as I understand they have to rush through final brushings by precaps but it takes away all the enthu I hold for the seriousness of the coming episode.

Sorry for the long rant and lots of hugs and love 🤗🤗

Omg hello love!!!!

Thank you for being very sweet and appreciating me <3 I am so glad you love whatever I write about IPK - that show has my heart, soul and everything. Oh God I hate it when people think liking soaps is uncool - that's not fair!

Lol I'd say those are editing issues. Like last minute they needed to send the edit to the channel to air it and couldn't probably find an audio clip so they made do with whatever clip they could find *lol*

I laughed at how they had edited the precap for the attempted consummation at the hut. I couldn't stop laughing cause it was literally intercut with the goons surrounding the hut. First of all, I can't think of sexy times if those goons are around *lol* and seriously, these guys are thinking of having sex when they should... RUN AWAY.

But sometimes I like watching the precaps cause they end up adding promos they've already shot or they add in another camera angle so I feel like I'm watching an extra moment of the show!!!

Thanks for sharing your thoughts here!

Much love,

- Jalebi

P.S: I love love love the emojis you used!

[dean-winchester-is-a-warrior]

Asked and Answered 2 - the Forbidden Post!

So, the other day, I asked @myloversgone a question (Dean x Lisa or Dean x Cassie) in the fun game we were all playing. She answered, Dean x Lisa.

Then I tried to respond back with my rambling thoughts and Tumblr flagged me for e*plic*t material. Which has to be the stupidest thing I've ever seen because it was literally all just clips and gifs from SPN, a show that aired on the C fucking W, a goddam, network TV show! So, really? That's explicit material? I tried to appeal it and they were like, no - it's explicit - shame on you and tsk tsk and we're clutching our pearls! 🙄

They were like, we haven't removed it, we just made it so only you can see it. Oh gee, thanks!

But I didn't post it for just me to see, so I'm gonna risk it and try to post it again, because there is genuinely nothing REMOTELY too e*plic*t for Tumblr. As @myloversgone said, there are straight up p**n gifs on the site all the time. So, I'm hoping it was just a weird little glitch and that this post will be fine.

I will just be copying and pasting exactly what the post was, with any questionable phrases ***'d out. 😁

Omg - these gifs - I'm dying over here! Love them!! I totally get what you mean. eevvaa chose Dean and Cassie because she felt like Cassie was Dean's first love and that they kind of brought Lisa back out the blue in Season 5 when he shows up at her house. I totally got what she meant too, I definitely wish we'd seen Lisa more often, or had some more time with them together before that happened. So he and Lisa just happening, did feel a bit jarring.

Having said that I do also love Dean and Lisa together! You're right, domestic!husband!dean is amazing! And their relationship was very romantic. I also did appreciate that she knew who Dean was and accepted him and understood:

It's a very hard choice I gave you here, cause yes, Dean and Cassie were passionate and their l*ve scene was SMOKIN' hot. And yes, I would have loved for some more of that!!

But I do love Dean and Lisa's much longer relationship, even if we didn't get to see as much of it as I would have liked.

Basically, I'm saying that I'm glad no one gave me this pairing to choose from! 😂

I'll say Dean and Cassie today, but ask me again tomorrow and it will probably change! 😁

Also, I'm gonna share the clip of the scene from the gif above because:

1. I always forget how amazingly well acted this scene is.

2. Jensen and Cindy really do have great chemistry and it 'feels' like they've been together a while.

3. Dean in a Henley. I always forget about this one, and I feel like that is akin to heresy!

4. The freckles.

5. The lashes.

6. JFC, why am I not married to him.

Sorry that last one isn't a reason, just something I lament to the gods every night! 😂

Enjoy!

Oh, oh and also, this little scene from the same episode (6x02). It's very cute, Dean is freakishly beautiful and I'm not sure why I find the fact that he's so much bigger than her so very appealing and s*xy!

Okaaaaaay! I think I'm done now! 😁

[loganslowdown4]

{edit note: I’m going to compile a list of every single Doctor Who episode, short, mini, special & spin-off in one place that I started back in 2019. These posts are going to be by season, I’ll be working on getting caught up and then go back and transfer my posts here…}

Doctor Who Season 12 (13th)

DW 1201-Spyfall Pt 1

Oh. My. God. I won’t spoil it, but the ending of this episode is BONKERS. 😭 I am SO PROUD of Chibnall for actually writing a decent episode with STAKES AGAIN!😭 I warms my 2 hearts so much! Decent build up too. Still wish the gang all had more downtime but 🤷🏼‍♀️

DW 1202-Spyfall Pt 2

Sacha Dhawan as the Master is my kind of energy. I ❤️ his chemistry with the Doctor. I definitely appreciated the female representation of history, but the story itself was a bit clunky. Still, fun! Who is this timeless child anyway? I’ve heard of it before but 🤷🏼‍♀️

DW 1203-Orphan 55

Come for the twist, stay for the guilt!

To be fair, Jodie has gathered a whole young fanbase that probably needs a tiny lesson shoehorned in for their own good. Probably. It’ll be better if they tied this ep to a future one, so we’ll see I guess. Bonus: Sassy Doctor is back!

DW 1204-Nikola Tesla’s Night of Terror

This one is just ok, but this usually happens midseason. I kept thinking the scorpion aliens were the Racnoss & got excited; they aren’t.😒 OMG, scorpion queen? Our own Anj Mohindra back in the Whoniverse! She rocked it! I miss Rani & SJA 😢

DW 1205-Fugitive of the Judoon

Still, as shocking as the climax was, it still felt a bit...done before? I dunno. We had the war doctor. We had the chameleon circuit. I’m glad for the call backs. I guess I’m happy they didn’t already replace the Master!

DW 1206-Praxeus

So...um ok? We just aren’t going to address the last ep? We’re gonna get another shoehorned environmental message? Cool, cool. Except this ep was balls. The story was so sloppy, I hated it. It really should have been Autons, that would have been so much better.

DW 1207-Can You Hear Me?

This was a better ep for sure. We got a little more backstory on each of our mains (why is it so hard to write for them? Why do the writers insist on keeping them dull and one dimensional?) and the villain was very good. But still no answers? Cmon!

DW 1208 - The Haunting of Villa Diodati

I did like this one. I think after my 2 year hiatus of watching Doctor Who, I have a bit different perspective. Still not a massive fan of Jodie’s Doctor, but that’s mostly because she doesn’t ever give this serious air when things in the story get grim. It never feels like there are any stakes. This one was good though. Not a fan of the cyberman plot at all, but liked the Mary Shelley/Lord Byron plot. To see them as just flippant rich people (which they were irl) is really funny to me. Creative and brilliant yes, but also a tad shallow at times. Nobody’s perfect haha.

DW 1209 - Ascension of the Cybermen

[psychometric-kid]

What if ‘He is Psychometric’ had a 2nd season?

Hello people! I found an old draft of mine from June 4th 2020. Lil covid outbreak scared me wanted to think of continuing a kdrama. It’s something uncommon for Korean TV show to keep having new episodes from what I’ve noticed. 

Enjoy the 15yr old me discussing it down here ⬇

Ah, K-dramas, making you cry, aren’t they? *cricket silence*

As a person whose nickname is basically ‘Psychometric Kid’ some people online asked me if this alias has something to do with the South Korean TV series starring the singer Park Jinyoung and the young yet sweet and good looking cApRiCoRn Shin Ye-eun. (I sound like a fanboy.) 

Yes, it is related to it. Next time if this gets read by many people, I will speak about how I became Psychometric Kid. (aka how I thought of this nickname and what would I have been if I hadn’t named myself like this) [which 2021 me already forgot about, I’ve had this nickname for over 2yrs already, I think it was because I had to think of a good nickname so my Tumblr is related to Hyunjin. But SaltyWarrior (the old nickname) and Hyunjin seem so distant from one another]

So, shall we already begin with my POV...

Saikometeuri Geunyeoseok; lit. That Psychometric Guy is a South Korean TV series aired between March and April 2019 on tvN and the online streaming platform, Viki. (I say that with the platform because I watched it there. Idk if it was in synchrony with the series on tvN as I watched January 2020)

The K-drama ended with the most ridiculous ending as possible. Basically, I wondered if Lee Ahn wants to be a father or will get a medical degree. I was just so confused. I watched it a few times just to understand but I am still clueless. 

Basically, there were a few aspects and POVs: 

The other viewers vs mine 

If there was another season I would definitely check it out. Even if I have to wait months for subtitles, I will wait having my theories even if I am not that type of person to make theories. So, if there was season 2:

1. Probably there would be another mystery related to some of main cast. 

- Probably Prosecutor Kang will still be in prison so this time something mysterious will happen to the happy couple, Ahn and Jae In. We had no idea who is the mother of Jae In or what happened with her? (or they said and I again didn’t pay attention, after all she was living with her aunt) 

But if something like that happens, I will be super interested. 

2. There will be a marriage or a kid...or not? 

- Well, it is kind of possible, but this way the mysterious crime drama becomes a love happy ending melodrama. So I wouldn’t want this to be the main synopsis in a the second season if there could be one. 

- For what we know from season 1, the happy couple will live together, so this with the kid will be really possible *smirk* (why I am so perverted)

I am more interested in intense battles, crime stories or police. As a viewer, I am very fuzzy unlike my mom who watches K-drama after K-drama after K-drama. She doesn’t like crime stories such as Iris and He is Psychometric. But my father had watched Iris and loved it. So I have him on my side hehe. 

But if it ends like “Omg, Ahn-a I’m pregnant” or something like this I will be genuinely happy. .

.  

.

.

.

And here the 2020 part ends. Back in 2020, I considered writing a series of Tumblr posts called: “What If...?”, I had few ideas in my head like: “Why would/What if SKZ disbands (because back then I was getting colder and colder towards Stray Kids’ music and thought it’s all because of Woojin, silly me). Or What If a JYPE idol has a child and it gets to the public (influenced by a fanfic I read). But I never wrote the latter, I still have the SKZ draft. Even right now I am going back to my roots listening to 2018 SKZ music. 

Oh and to not forget my other ideas of writing one shots about me celebrating my 18th birthday in Korea, with guys, that have hormons.  

Soooo, I see I am in a streak of well posted things, which probably I will ruin by posting this, but it is what it is. 

Have an awesome day!

[whyqueerbaitingisbad]

movies & shows

cracks knuckles* alright this is going to be more of a rant than an analysis because i’m basing this on both my research, but also how it felt to personally be baited by these shows. there are obviously more pieces of bad (almost every horror movie) and good ones but these are the ones i’ve watched.

please keep in mind that i am but one queer and everyone has different opinions.

Supernatural (CW) 2005

This show is 15 years old and just ended. From season 5 till 15, there has been tension between two of the lead characters. They were constantly shipped together and not only did the entire fandom know about this ship but so did almost all of Tumblr. On top of that, the actors and show runners knew about it as well. Which is why it makes it ridiculous that it was constantly pushed aside while the romantic coding  kept happening, even after show runners dismissed it as being intentional. The Destiel (Dean x Cas) case has been going on for years, and as the show came to its end, many fans had hope. But N O P E. Instead, we got a love confession from Cas where Dean looked like he was near constipated and the Cas was killed and sent into a fiery place that was not hell but s u p e r  h e l l.

… w hy.

Sherlock (BBC) 2010

Just like Supernatural, this show was renown on Tumblr for not only how good it was, but its hinting at a potential relationship between Sherlock Holmes and John Watson. But again, like Supernatural, the intentional tension between the two characters was denied by producers. This caused an uproar within the fandom, and even left some people believing that, after the last season aired, it had been a joke and the producers were hiding a “secret, unaired season” because they had felt so robbed by this show that had implied something and denied it.

The 100 (CW) 2014

We got lesbians. We got background gays. We were happy. Then, all of a sudden, one of them is killed for no reason. Did it advance the plot? No. Was she fighting and died in battle? lol no. She was doing literally nothing and got shot and died. And then the producers kept bringing her back once a season in the form of a ghost or illusion because why? Because she was a fan favourite queer character. ✨bury your gays and sparingly bring them back for profit anyone?✨

Voltron: Legendary Defender (Netflix) 2016

*deep breathe* This one is a special disaster. Not only was there romantic tension and romantically coded scenes for 7 seasons, but producers, voice actors and artists working on the show repeatedly said “don’t worry klance (Keith x Lance) shippers, you’ll be happy”

. … w h e r e??? You code one of their scenes with a sunset in the background while they talk about love and then one of them goes on a date with someone who has declined his advances for 7 seasons but now in season 8 decides to do a full 180. Not only that, but you announce at a Comic Con (a convention) that a character is gay and has a fiancé, only to kill off the fiancé and never make it explicit in the show except at the last second of the last episode where he marries a no name character. 

Personally, i’d like to say a big fuck you to the show that strung me along for 2 years and never stopped saying we’d be happy to then pull the rug out from under us and call us crazy for thinking anything from the past 8 seasons was intentional.

Scooby-Doo (2002) 

While not being outwardly queerbaiting, this movie’s filmmaker has just revealed some shocking news, which wasn’t at all shocking to the gays who had watched this movie over the years. In July of 2020, James Gunn, the filmmaker of Scooby-Doo, revealed in a podcast that, initially, Velma was explicitly gay in his script, but then the studio watered it down until it became nothing. This isn’t an example of baiting as much as it is changing a character’s initial design to “better fit an audience”. The worst part of all this is that with Velma’s character having been written with a l i t t l e queer subtext, people had been theorizing about if since the movie came out, but were always yelled at by the internet for “imagining something that isn’t there”. But now, even with it being said that the initial point was for her to be gay, people have no objections to still refusing to accept it. Why?? So we can’t get the subtext gays OR the confirmed gays?? Make it make sense.

Brooklyn 99 (NBC) 2013

To have the queer characters firstly introduced without mentioning their sexualities and have it brought up naturally was so goddamn nice to see, because no one does a big deal about it unless they ask for that. This show is amazing in general but the way they show their queer characters is *chefs kiss*.

She-ra and the Princesses of Power (Netflix) 2018

This. Show. My heart SOARS. It's just a remake of an old show so absolutely nothing was ever expected, but then it was sprinkled in and ENDED WITH A BANG. And it was so beautiful and real to see the struggle of two friends who care for each other and want to be together but have different visions of the world fall in love. And they also had characters with disabilities, a non-binary character and jUST SUCH A GOOD SHOW.

Kipo and The Age of Wonderbeasts (Netflix) 2020

This is a case where you go into it not expecting anything and are BLOWN AWAY by the bare minimum. And not because it’s bad!! It's mind blowing because this is the simple representation we need!! Not something over the top, but an every day relationship. It’s just two boys falling in love and going on dates and being nervous around each other, yet i was so stunned. Because it’s not shown enough. I should not be this excited over something that should be this normal. 10/10 though this show is so good for all kinds of representation.

Steven Universe (Cartoon Network) 2013

This show did so much for queer representation with its general message of loving everyone and loving who you want. Especially since it was aired on Cartoon Network, a channel for kids, it was able to help normalize something so looked down upon in some circles. It made it easy to watch for s o m e people because it's a cartoon but it's so beautiful to see these ladies so in love with each other, both platonically and romantically and we see them have a family dynamic that isn’t a “nuclear family”. Rebecca Sugar (creator) really said “lemme just break all stereotypes real quick”.

Adventure Time (Cartoon Network) 2010

It's the “knowing a fanbase shipped something so hard that the creators made it canon” for me. This relationship had been theorized by fans for years, but it had never been explicit in the show. When the finale episode came out and the two shared a kiss, it was a moment of celebration. The producer of the show said that it had not really been planned but when the episode was being made, the choice of what happened was given to one of the artists (bless your soul Hanna K. Nyströmthe). And as the show releases little bonus episodes, its latest was centered around Marceline and Bubblegum and their relationship. AND WE LOVE TO SEE OUR DOMESTIC LESBIANS BEING HAPPY AND IN LOVE.

Yuri on Ice!!! (anime) 2016

The fact that an A N I M E gave us a love story between two men is mind boggling and it makes me so happy!! Especially because it's a Japanese show and they’re very conservative about these things just makes it more emotional. The creators said they wanted to make the anime take place in a world where gay/straight isn’t a thing, it’s just love (ladies, you’re going to make me cry). So as the weekly episodes came out and fans start speculating, THEY GAVE US THE LAST FEW EPISODES FULL OF ROMANCE AND EMOTIONAL SCENES BETWEEN THE TWO AND THEN THEY GET R I N GS?!???!! You watch for the figure skating, you stay for the figure skaters that are in love.

Shadowhunters (Freeform) 2016

*insert me being frustrated that the actors are straight so we can move on from that disappointment*

This show really said “let’s name a whole episode after this couple because they deserve it”. But seriously, they gave us two characters whose entire plot does not center around their sexualities while still showing us the differences in a relationship between someone experienced and someone new at this. They were both powerful and amazing characters apart from each other, with their own story lines and goals but they loved each other so much omgs. SO MUCH. 

It was so great to watch.

Love, Simon (2018) 

There’s a lot of disagreement on whether this movie is good representation or not. However, we need to take into consideration that this was Hollywood’s first movie with a main character that was gay, where the story’s focus was on Simon’s love story. The biggest problem, for me at least, was that the actor playing Simon is a straight man and not queer. My problem is not with him, but the fact that there are other actors that are gay and that could have played Simon just as well. (the love interested was however played by a queer actor so ✨progress✨)

All in all, this movie does represent what a lot of queer kids have to go through: being outed at school, how they then come out, the bullying and doubt they go through.

The book is also really good.

Call Me By Your Name (2018)

This movie is so aesthetically pleasing and was able to capture the confusion and heartbreak felt by a boy who’s struggling with his own feelings towards a man. His inner conflict and joy and l o v e he feels but doesn’t know how to deal with is so well communicated through the screen and just breaks your heart because it feels so real.

But again, they could’ve gotten gay actors to play gay characters…

through having this list here, i want to show you that it’s not hard for creators to give good queer representation. the LGBTQ+ community isn’t asking for much, we just want to be well represented on screen as just a regular character, not some token queer kid there for the diversity points. having been exposed to so much queerbaiting and just not seeing any representation on screen, i always get over-excited when i see a queer character, and that’s not how it should be. it should be a normal thing, something you can find in most pieces of media, just like there’s a straight white cisgender person in everything.

and they seriously need to start casting queer actors for queer characters...

[dreamerandcrazy]

Ok, so I haven't been able to comment much on my Riverdale rewatch mostly bc i'm watching it with my boyfriend and we have an agreement of no cell phones when we're watching, otherwise we can't pay proper attention to it. But I wrote down some notes about the episodes I did watch (I watched up until ep 6, which is very ironic bc apparently today is its anniversary, so yay for my perfect timing). I actually remember most of the stuff that happened in s1, so here's mostly a few things I paid more attention to or noticed about the characters and the ships, or things i'm able to look at through a different view now that i've watched all the seasons. Strap in if you want to see my notes, if not just scroll please, no ship or character hate here please. Also, feel free to ignore, this is really just a personal look in some stuff I didn't notice in my first watch.

- Betty's character used to be much happier and lighter in season 1. I know we're introduced to "Dark Betty" right in episode 3, but still, I feel like the way Lili played Betty in season 1 did not hold the same "darkness" as it does in the following seasons. The scene where she is dancing happily in her bedroom because she's going to homecoming with the boy she likes? The scene where she introduces Jughead to the Blue & Gold and gets him to work with her? Her genuine innocent happiness at seeing her sister again after so much time? The way she interacted with Kevin and Veronica? Those were all chef's kiss because she actually feels like a teenager in them. In all her girly glory, she radiates youth energy and it's a thing that was sadly lacking after s1. Btw this is not a critique at Lili's acting at all, I blame it entirely on Ras and his obsession with dark Betty.

- There's actually so many indications of Cheryl being a lgbt character in the first episodes that I have no idea how I missed it the first time. But then again, there were many indications with Veronica as well, and sadly that's not the path Ras chose for her.

- Jughead in s1 is truly so superior in so many ways that it's not hard to see why he quickly became such a fan favorite. I think even if he wasn't played by Cole Sprouse, he still would have conquered many fans' hearts. Sadly, the things that made Jughead such a loving and interesting character for me also fizzled out in s2 when the writing team decided to make him a woke serpent leader instead of allowing him to sticking to his true personality as a passionate mystery lover, a dedicated friend and very nerdy, which was very cute. I feel that we got some of that back for him in s4, which was good, but sadly s1 is where my love for him really stayed to stay. But I still care for him, and s5 has a promising storyline for him which i'm excited about, so let's see if s5 Jughead can become better than s1 Jughead.

- Going back again to Cheryl for a sec, I just noticed that the red lipstick actually wasn't that common for her in s1? At least not in the first five. I wonder when did it start becoming her trademark? Anyways, it's actually a really good look her and allows you to appreciate Madelaine's natural beauty even more.

- Also, did anybody notice how Alice lowkey figured out who killed Jason in ep 2 lmao, like... in episode two she legit says she wouldn't be surprised if the Blossoms themselves had killed Jason, which... is what happened LMAO, considering we know it was his father. And even more hilarious and tragically ironic note, in ep 6 she's laughing at Betty suggesting that Hal killed Jason because "do you think your father has the stomach for it?!"... Ma'am... i'm-.... 😂😂😂😂.

- This rewatch has reminded me of how much I adored and how I much I miss Josie and the Pussycats. The girls were such a nice addition to the cast, and their songs were so beautiful. I truly wish we get to see them again someday, but at the same time I also think the actresses deserve to be at a work place where they're given the treatment they deserve and not completely ignored and treated like extras.

- Archie/Valerie was super cute and is very underrated in the fandom, but i'm glad Valerie stood up for herself and didn't take any of Archie's or Cheryl's sh*t. Still sucks because they were really good together, though.

- Why was Jason not allowed to talk, lmao? Like, i'm sure it's become a running joke in the show at this point, but back when season one was airing what was the excuse for it? He appeared in so many flashbacks and scenes and we still never heard a single word ☠️☠️☠️☠️. I just want to know what was the reason lol.

- I liked s1 Reggie, but I feel like Charles Melton's Reggie is better because he actually feels like a douche with good intentions lol, and he has more of a personality. Most of the time I even forgot about Reggie in s1, but after s2 he definitely made me more aware of him. So for that, I like Charles Melton's Reggie more. But the actor from s1 still did a good job with what he was given.

From now on I will be talking about the ships, so bear with me, and know that I am a multishipper. Yes, I have my preferences. No, my word is not law, it's just an opinion, so please respect it.

- Bughead is still super cute in s1. I feel like from s1 they will always be my otp, even if I no longer feel as strongly about them now and have a different insight as to where I would like their story to go, and now I definitely see the problem others had mentioned before of how they kind of took over the show, which is something I kind of closed my eyes to before... But I really loved them in s1. It felt like a very juvenile teenage relationship, they didn't give much thought on why and if they should be together, they just went for it like teenagers usually do, and they were very very cute together.

- I feel like if you don't count Beronica (because they really were the best no matter what you say or ship), if there's a ship that deserves "best chemistry" award for s1 is probably Varchie. I lost my interest in them years ago, but this rewatch reminded me of why I actually loved them once. They never really became an otp for me, but Kj and Camila's chemistry in s1 was VERY GOOD, and I really liked them. Their kiss in the pilot was electric and the s&xual tension was OOF, and that chemistry carries on through the season. You can easily tell something will happen between them eventually. It makes me sad bc I don't know what happened after s1, but their chemistry from s2 onwards was just... not there for me. Which is ironic bc it's the season they truly started dating and they got a lot of smexy scenes, but I just... didn't feel it. But I'll leave that comment to my s2 rewatch. For now just let me enjoy Varchie's chemistry in s1 while it lasts because it was really good.

- Now we get to Barchie, who I made clear was the reason for my rewatch, so let's get to it. I LOVED the way Barchie was written in s1. I remember when I first watched Riverdale, I was curious about their dynamic but didn't put much thought into it because I loved Bughead too much and wanted them to be together, and I thought Barchie would be the traditional "first og ship" thing and wouldn't have a big follow up, but boy was I WRONG and am I GLAD for it. I'll talk more about their development in the next seasons when I get there, so for now let's focus a bit on s1. Just in like the first two episodes, there is so much Barchie foreshadowing, like, it's legit insane how it was right there in my face and I missed it the first time! "I have never felt what i'm supposed to feel with betty", "it's not my fault he doesn't like you", "I can't give you the answer you want"... Omg, those are obvious eyebrow raising "this will come back to bite you in the a$$" moments and it's incredible how they actually DO! I would call it clever writing, but like... it's Riverdale lol. So I really am just glad that the ship was done this way, i'm glad Barchie has the back story that they do, they've really come a LONG way and i'm happy I get to experience their whole growing storyline. It's also especially good because s1 actually provides you with scenes that show you their friendship and how they're so close, you see them hanging out, talking, their pictures together, everything was just really done well with them. Still have a bit of critique with the way Archie contradicted himself sometimes regardinf his feelings for Betty, but let's be honest, we've watched enough Riverdale to know that's just a problem with the writing.

- Kevin/Joaquin is still my favorite Kevin ship, i'm sad it's completely impossible to go back to them someday so for now i'll just be really glad it existed and that I got to see them even if it was short-lived. They had great chemistry and their kiss scenes always outsold.

- Beronica... sigh. Beronica. The most wasted chemistry i've ever seen on CW and I've watched a LOT of CW shows. There was so much potential there, s1 was practically overflowing with them and it's one of the reasons it became some popular. I remember when the Beronica fandom was the biggest one, ah, good times. Veronica and Betty were easily the best part of season 1, their friendship, their lowkey romantic moments, they were just superior in every way. This ship deserved better, not even just as a ship, but as a friendship.

- Veronica's s1 hair >>> Veronica's hair in seasons 2-4. I loved the side part and I am glad it's back in season 5, it looks so much better like that.

- Cheryl, as always, deserves better. Can't wait for her to meet Toni so I can watch again Cheryl finally get to love someone and be loved back, which is exactly what she deserves.

For now, that is all! I will probably make another post soon when i'm done with season one and from season two on I will be live-blogging the episodes since I will be watching it alone. Once again, pls, no hate, my thoughts are my thoughts. Peace.

[rewatching-supernatural]

s01e03

Not much to say about this episode so far, people died in a lake and they go investigate

*****

Oh I love this little child character, and what it brings out in Dean, relating to a kid and not wanting to talk about things, I think this is the first we see Dean open about his issues and bottleing things up, from the third episode we already get a glimpse of how fucked up he is mentally

man my man

*****

"Children are the best"

Dean, you can't even NAME children you know 😂

*****

Do I know the actress who plays the main character in this case? She looks really familiar... *googles*

OMG OF COURSE, I DO KNOW HER

she'e in SUITS

I am dumb

The actress is Amy Acker and she plays Esther in Suits

(I couldn't find a better gif 🙃)

*****

oh wow, my fucking nightmare, this guy getting sucked into his full sink

for some reason this always pops in my head when the sink is filling and I'm always kinda scared of that happening to me, and now I think it might be because of this episode, I was 8 the first time I saw it (when it aired) 😬

*****

Dean connecting with the child again and communicating through drawings ❤️

and Sam listening in and learning more about his big brother and realizing that even though he was an infant, Dean was a child and he lost his mom

what a beautiful scene

*****

Fake driving again

*****

"Oh, college boy, thinks he's so smart!"

Dean you sassy fuck

*****

Toxic Masculinity™ : The Show

*****

Ooohh, the little kid drew a dead boy from 35 years ago, mystery

*****

boys got caught by police again (it is one of my favourite things in the show, when they have to play around cops or avoid getting noticed by the authorities)

but they can't leave, not when the little boy is in danger and Dean knows they can help

*****

oh no I hate how we see them in the car and it keeps cutting to the woman from Suits taking a bath, EEWW the water turned green omg ew

"Come play with me..."

OH they arrived at the exact perfect time of course!

Sam going to help the mom while Dean holds the little boy, omg 😭

*****

She's fine now and while Sam talks to her, Dean is going through books

I thought only Research Boy Sam™ knrw how to read books 🤷🏼‍♀️ 😂

Oh shit Lucas saw something

let's all follow Lucas

*****

aw yes, my men digging, we love to that for them 😅

*****

Holy hell shit's going down

Yes Dean, you tell the truth

*****

god poor woman from Suits has to listen to her dad saying he bullied a child and murdered him, god, what if your dad told you he straight up murdered a child when he was 12

this is fucking crazy that no one is even reacting

oh I think the woman is called Andrea

Dean did not hesitate a second before jumping head first into the lake to go save that boy, that's 🥰

*****

this episode has all around the best acting so far

*****

the child murderer sacrificed himself to save lil boy Lucas, hell yeah, he deserved to die

*****

Aw they made lunch for the Winchester bros, that's so cool!

and then cut to Esther-Andrea smiling about her father's death? like I know he's a murderer but still, he's her dad and they seemed close? but who am I to judge 🤷🏼‍♀️

*****

and that's it for episode 3! gonna take a break for now and maybe watch some more at night

[verobatto]

TFW: Loosing Synchronization

TFW meta. 15x01 meta spec. SPN spoiler

Okay, second meta here!

I'm not gonna talk sweet to your ears tonight, because I noticed a couple of things... Sad things but.. well, we 've been already told about Castiel going away... **Sobbing**...

Let's do this for once...

Sam and the shot in the soulder

Okay my dears... I want to show you this two scenes from season 14 that caught my attention and I asked @agusvedder the gif...

Dean using a blue handkerchief in Sam's head. He's hurt... And now this one from the last episode from s14...

Gif credit @starsmish

Is the same handkerchief now in his wounded shoulder... We need to make the connection between the head and the wound by that special weapon... When Castiel tried to heal it... We had this...

Gif credit @agusvedder

Is that the Sammy who drank demon blood with his psychic powers?? Okay, don't let me put my expectations too high, but, this is one of my specs... Remember? No? Well... Here is the link to Psychic!Sammy from s14.

Okay, I think o was clear with that point... Maybe this special wound that can't be healed, is leading us towards one Sam with powers? I hope so...

Now we have to talk about Sam and his fears... The clown.

He was trying to defeat this clown (the symbolical representation of his fears) and he failed each time, Cas saved him twice. The only presence of that ghost made Sam being erratic and unfocused. That's why he shot Cas mistake.

The good thing is that was ONE SPELL (magic) the thing that helped them to get rid from the ghosts, and Sam saying SHUT UP to the clown, to his fears, is good, very good thing.

Finally, we saw Sam saving that little girl and her m, and then he was accompanying them outside the car. That's Sam. So kind that my heart is melting. But this represents too the lost. Sam said in the last episode from s14 he had lost enough. In the beginning of this episode he doesn't have time to mourn his son (Jack) and he watches him laying on the ground in that crypt with pain and sorrow. So saving one family it represents a lot to him.

Dean recalling his past as a torturer, and pushing away Castiel

When the demon mentioned he's a Dean fan, because he's a legend as a torturer, I thought damn... Dean is gonna freak out. But no. He took it as something that happened in his life, and he already moved on.

He's more worried about the cage... (OMG is open! Hello Adam! Wellcome back!)

Now, when he cut Castiel off... (Dean... You brat) he goes to talk with Sam... And the dialogue is like another dialogue we saw between the brothers so so many times. Sam is the one with hopes, seeing the light by the end of the tunnel. And Dean is a little bitter... As he had been being lately... Gee.

But... When he mentions YOU AND ME AGAINST THE HELL'S SOULS. He doesn't even count on Cas anymore. It was I BELIVE IN US, IN ALL OF US, to JUST YOU (Sam) AND ME.

That's it, something is broken. That's why he's pushing Castiel away. And he will regret this... As I said in my Destiel meta... Ripped heart...

Nobody understands Castiel's silent pain

When Dean asked Cas to stay in the car and watch the demon, he said no, bc he couldn't even see his face. And he were waiting for some understanding from Dean. We didn't have that, but Dean rolling his eyes. He didn't understand the huge pain Cas was feeling for Jack's lost. He didn't even have time to mourning him and now his corpse that they should be burning with a hunter funeral, is possesed by a demon, an abomination, as he named him.

But no, even Sam and Dean were agreed accepting his help. Poor Cas... Nobody understands his pain. We do.

Then, Sam shot him, it wasn't on purpose, but that mere action is symbolic. It represents he is unsynchronized with Sam. Cas and Sam were the perfect team. They compliment each other so so we'll, as I pointed so many times. But this graphic scene, shows us they're not in the same page now.

We had one scene in which the mom was trying to hide her daughter from the monster (the clown) and it caught my attention the girl was dressed in pink (remember pink in episode 14x15? Representing Castiel's happiness?) Okay, so this woman was tryin to hide the happiness from the monster... Mmmm is this telling us Castiel will reach happiness and will try to avoid the Empty??? Let's see...

In another scene we had this same girl watching a black puddle, like hypnotized... And wow, the monster almost get her. 🙈🙊😭

The last scene, Castiel watching Sam walking the woman and the little girl, longing his family, longing for Jack. With a sad expression in his face... And when Dean was asking him how was he... Castiel was softening his face, he was about to talk with Dean, to really talk with him about how he felt, he said GOOD, BUT... And Dean just cut him off... And Castiel's face again with such a pain...

Damn... This is a sad meta. Because my angel is sad... 😭😭😭💙💙💙💙

To Conclude:

There's something wild happening with Sam's elbow wound, and is connected with his mind and maybe, with his past as a psychic.

Dean had moved on about his last as a torturer. But he's still mad at Castiel, and he's pushing him away from him.

Castiel is feeling odd, nobody is understanding his pain, and he will eventually leave the team. Not feeling it like the family it was once.

I hope you enjoyed this one too, see you around my friends!

If you want to read the previous meta, is here.

Tagging @metafest @gneisscastiel @magnificent-winged-beast @emblue-sparks @agusvedder @weirddorkylittlediana @michyribeiro @whyjm @koshisekisen @legendary-destiel @a-bit-of-influence @thatwitchydestielfan @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @lykanyouko @evvvissticante @savannadarkbaby @angelneedshunter @trickster-archangel @dea-stiel @mybonsai1976 @anarchiana @angelwithashotgunandtrenchcoat @trashblackrainbow @destielshipper221b @mishtho @dancingtuesdaymorning

If you want to be tagged in my METAS, just let me know.

Buenos Aires, October 11st 2019 12:10 AM

[samfcknwin]

Okie dokie.

This bitch is going on a Supernatural rant motherfuckers.

So I've been holding back for a while but the dam has finally broken and it's time to let the floods crash through.

Does anybody remember when Supernatural was Sam and Dean Winchester, just the two of them against the world? Sure they had the occasional help from Jo and Ellen, or Ash, or Bobby. But they weren't cure-alls like so many of their current "allies", like Rowena who is now the queen of hell (like what the fuck?!) Or Crowley up until a couple years ago. And even Cas. This isnt to say that I don't like the aforementioned characters, because I do. Quite a bit, usually. But come on. Back before any of them even entered the scene, which would have been the first three seasons, the boys pretty much had to solve their own problems in their own time with nothing but their own resources and some help from Jo, Ellen, and Bobby. Who are all dead. Fuck. And they were pretty damn good.

And sure, the Winchesters never had to face the darkness or the Archangel's apocalypse back then, but I'm pretty damn sure that our boys would have pulled through. Like they always do. Because they are the fucking Winchesters.

But this isn't even to discredit what Cas did to help them in the first apocalypse. In fact, I'm even okay with the fact that he was there to help. And of course before that, when he "gripped Dean tight and raised him from perdition", but even back then, it still felt like Sam and Dean Winchester, up against the world. Just them.

And it's like season eight, which I think we can all agree was one of the most boring seasons ever to air, was the last season where just Sam and Dean were enough. Sure there was some Cas and Dean moments, quite a few, but it still was focused on the two actual main characters at least. Focused on the fact that even if each other was all they had, then they had exactly what they needed.

Then I swear to God seasons 9-11 killed the shit out of me because am I the only one who realized how much it lacked in Sam & Dean brotherly content?? And them working together to fix things? They were practically hiding one thing or another from one or the other the entire damn time. And therefore they were pissed at each other a lot too.

Anyways then season 12 where their mom came back and acted like a total asshole by abandoning them right after she came back to life. Don't get me started on Mary Winchester. I don't care what anybody thinks, I hate that selfish bitch.

And now onto season 15 cuz im not even covering 13 and 14 right now.

Season 15.

Ah. What can I say? We've had a few Sam/Dean broments. Not many. Nothing too deep. Nothing too long.

And is it just me, or or does it seem like, at the heart of this story, aside from the fact that they're now trying to trap God, are Dean and Castiel. They're mad at each other. But they're still the focus. Cas and Dean. Well I'm sick of Cas and Dean. Sick sick sick of them. I'm not sick of Dean. Hell, I'm not even too sick of Cas. But their stupid broken bromance? Literally making me sick. I want Sam and Dean back. I want it to be Sam and Dean working together to defeat Chuck. Not Sam being kidnapped by him whilst Dean and Cas go to Purgatory to pick fucking flowers. FLOWERS. Could you get more gay? It's like this show is getting as close to making Destiel canon as it possibly can without actually doing it. I don't ship Destiel. I hate Destiel. I'm sick and tired of Destiel. I remember when Sam and Dean were what everybody loved about Supernatural, why they all watched it. When their being brothers and willing to sacrifice everything for each other was the heart of the show. Now it's like all I hear about is Destiel. I swear to God 85% of fanfic is Destiel. "OMG maybe now that season 15 is almost over they're gonna make Destiel canon!" "Maybe Sam will die at the end and Dean and Cas can finally get married!" Fuck Destiel. Fuck Destiel to Hell. The fact that Destiel is literally in my phone's dictionary and every time I write Destiel it's not automatically correcting it to Destiny or something is infuriating me. Why does my phone think Destiel is a word?

Fuck Destiel.

I know I'm not alone in this. I want this last season to be like the first few seasons, just Sam and Dean working TOGETHER to fix everything. I just want to feel like it's still about them, not about Dean & Cas and Sam & Eileen, but them. Sam and Dean. Where as long as they have each other, no body and nothing else really matter. Because they don't need anybody else. Not Cas, not Mom, not Eileen. They only need each other. Just like they always have.

I swear to God if the last episodes of season 15 don't give me what the fuck I need I don't think I want to even imagine what I'm gonna do...

Because this ⬇️⬇️ is why I love Supernatural

Not for some stupid gay shit that ain't canon, and never will be.