#no one has to identify with this maybe it's just not for you

[ma1dita]

when the curtains close

a 'partners in crime' installment - luke castellan x dionysus!reader

words: 5.3k

summary: (post-tlt) The one where you lose two people in the Labyrinth that day. All strings are cut. (Pollux, Annabeth, Percy, and Mr. D find out the biggest difference between you and Luke.) (Luke Castellan x fem!Dionysus!reader)

a/n: yeah to me this fic sounds and feels like that tiktok of the girl humming to her microwave. split povs: pollux, annabeth, your depictions of the titular battle of the labyrinth at CHB, some blood/gore, death & grief. the usual. you forced me to by lizzy mcalpine. references to cat on a hot tin roof by tennessee williams if you squint

(posted 5/14/24, semi edited—def coming back to this)

—

The first time Pollux has a panic attack, time seems to stop and the world keeps moving on without him.

He’s reminded of a time when you rambled on about how anxiety takes possession of the senses like a moment frozen in a snapshot meant for you to identify. In the memory, you had your feet kicked up on the dash flipping through a DSM-5 while he and Castor took turns speeding up and down Farm Road (totally normal older sister behavior from you, and when a cop pulled you over, the three of you narrowly escaped a ticket by talking in riddles and godly smoke that smelled like grapes). Pollux still remembers the sound of laughter in the car blending like three different chords to an archaic melody (or squawking crows in the strawberry fields)— the bond between you three laid out before time knew limits and was always meant to be.

It’s still his favorite song. You’re their favorite (and only) sister, they love to joke. These are facts that will never change.

“You two have each other, and well, I’ve got this,” you had said, the Zippo flicking open and closed against your thumb in the blossoming darkness of the car. Pink and purple rays of waning light blanketed the old hatchback as it steadily made its way back towards Half-Blood Hill, comfortable silence shared in the way only siblings can stand to be quiet—when there are no words needed to get a point across. But you’ve always set yourself apart from the pack, not needing anyone like how they need each other.

Not since Luke left, at least. The growing distance between you three since your untimely resignation from camp was proof enough. Pollux’s eyes met Castor’s in the rearview mirror as they both noticed your sad smile. His brother’s voice broke through the silence then, having always been the one blunt enough to say what was on his mind, “You’ve got us too if you let us see you more often.” Your fidgeting stops.

“It’s not you two, it’s just hard to be back here sometimes. I see things for what they used to be instead of how they really are now. Now it’s just… it has to be all business.”

Pollux cracked a smile, “S’what you get for growing up. Soon we’ll just be annoying voices in your head like you are to us.” Shutting your textbook, you turned to look at them from the passenger seat, eyes that match theirs darting between their blond heads, “All of us have to grow up eventually. Except maybe you two— I prefer you in my nightmares like the kids from The Shining. Whenever you get sick of Dad, come see me. Gods know that camp deserves a break from the two of you too.” Your knuckles knocked against both of their heads affectionately as he put the car in park, “My built-in bodyguards, huh? Always looking out for me.”

All words and meaning escape Pollux now as he stands in the greenery of the North Woods with battle gear ill-fitted to his large frame. It’s the first siege he’s ever taken part in, the first time he’s had to use battle strategies outside of Capture the Flag and the first time he’s slashed his way through monsters and demigods with the intent to try and kill or be killed. Sword and Shield could have never prepared any of them for this—as his eyes meet Castor’s and then yours with all of you thinking the same thing, the three of you join the sea of iridescent orange through mind-numbing black moving like a sharp three-pronged sword.

This type of stuff isn’t typical for him, he thinks. He and Castor are used to being comedic relief— being the source of laughs and juice boxes for pesky little campers instead of facing the real world outside the boundaries of the Mist. Perhaps your father babied them to make up for the time he lost with you, but there’s a moment where he wonders how being kept soft will keep him alive in a world as harsh as this one.

Childlike innocence is ripped away from them in the bubble they’ve inhabited until this moment. Home is now a warzone and like lambs set up for slaughter, the twins both turn to look at you as a shuddering gasp leaves your mouth at the carnage in your surroundings, monster blood and fallen friends and enemies at your feet. Breaking away from formation to take a deep breath, he looks at the sky and wonders where your father is, but smoke and soot fill his lungs and he coughs desperately for a breath of fresh air.

Pollux thinks he must have stopped breathing before Castor took his last breath. It wasn’t supposed to be a competition, but sometimes life was just funny like that.

5, 4, 3, 2, 1.

Just like you told him.

Castor was always the more manic one while Pollux knew how to endure. Children of Dionysus are forced to befriend insanity before it makes an enemy out of them—twisting the ugly into what’s real and creating something beautiful out of the deranged. You’ve shown the boys how you detach from emotion by recognizing the details—separating fact and fiction, a methodical process only describable by the blood that runs through your veins. Pollux doesn’t know where to start—everything happens so fast but it plays out in front of him like someone put the pieces together to a stop-motion animation.

He sees Castor’s sword fall to the ground when he gets slashed on the forearm and sees him get clubbed over the head with a metal weapon he’s only seen bad renditions forged for theater practices and hanging on the walls of the armory. Castor falls first to his knees, and then into the dirt with a thud. He never knew there could be that much blood coming out of a person, much less a mirror image of himself. Pollux sees your face come into his line of vision, deep maroon splatters on your face glittering with hints of ichor and then you’re moving because he can’t. The enemy is coming back for him now, and for a moment he wonders if Castor will be mad if he lets him. He sees you turn in an instant, swinging your sword down on the neck of the aggressor, a teenager not much older than he and his brother are—were. It’s funny how his brain immediately makes the switch to past tense, and how he can’t stop thinking about how he’ll now and forever be older than his twin. Pollux then sees you catch the body of the boy you just killed as life seeps out of him slower than it did for Castor.

It doesn’t make him feel any better, though.

His knees hit the ground next to his twin, touching the sludge of dirt soft like quicksand and moist with what he hopes is not blood, but Pollux is not quite sure of what else there is to hope for. His fist is wrapped around Castor’s shirtsleeve, touching faded orange and sweat as he holds on for dear life. Maybe if he tries hard enough his soul will still be intertwined with his. Your hand touches his shoulder, five fingers reaching out to brush the back of his neck and the feeling of your skin helps him refocus a bit, even if you’re saying something he can’t make out. Then the metal of your Zippo lighter feels cool to the touch within his palm and he knows what he needs to do.

The battle isn’t over, but for the three of you, everything stops here. There is no going forward without your brother. You were never meant to be children of war.

Pollux hears the sound of his heartbeat thundering through his ears, blood rushing through his veins and can’t help but notice the silence amid the chaos. There are no words fit for this—and even if there were, Castor and you were always the more talkative ones. He hears the spark of the purple flame between his fingers, blowing the smoke over him and his brother’s body, and their father’s powers blanket them like how you used to tuck them into bed, warm and safe. This is what your family is—unconventional and unending even in different realms of existence. And then Grover’s scream of panic echoes through the air and everyone hears that. Hysteria ensues as monsters and demigods alike run amok, and Pollux realizes he’s stopped shaking. In his father’s domain, he will always find comfort.

You stand above him now directing campers calmly with a free hand—a brewing storm crackling underneath your skin that he now understands. Hidden by the illusion of smoke, Pollux’s tired bones rest alongside his brother’s dead ones— together as they always were meant to be.

The three of you together, his little family—that is a fact he hoped would never change.

The smell of grapes envelops him as he leans his forehead against your muddy leg… when did the battle end? It almost masks the scent of death that rips through the air as your hand brushes through his sandy hair. Pollux stinks of sweat and you stifle a laugh as you see him smell his armpit. You three were always the same type of fucked up. He doesn’t look down at Castor laid across his lap but knows he would’ve found it funny too. Ignorance of reality even for a moment serves as a comfort. Purple meets purple as he looks up at you with a smile that doesn’t fit his face anymore and he croaks, “Wonder what dad would say about our first battle…”

Glory was never meant to be this bittersweet—it tastes like blood in his mouth until he wipes it away from his cheek and realizes it’s Castor’s. In a way, it’s his too, everything about him and within him is exactly the same down to the star stuff the fates wove them from.

“I’ll be the one to tell him. You take care of Castor,” you answer, as if there’s anything else he would want to do and then he realizes you’re crying— and he’s seeing all of the pieces put together in front of him in this photograph in his mind.

Pollux blinks slowly.

Suddenly the image he has of you is more defined— there is new meaning to the sadness you could never shake off all these years, and he is too young to lose his greatest love, which makes him realize then that so were you.

How long does this have to go on? he wonders, grabbing onto your hand with an eagerness only comparable to the feeling he got when you and Luke whisked him and Castor away from Florida all those years ago. This punishment of living while half of his soul does not—what is he supposed to do next? This was supposed to be the safe place. There is nowhere left to run. His thumb rubs circles into the back of your shaking blood-soaked hand, a secret within the smoke.

Pollux thinks there will always be a part of him frozen in time now, a memory of this day hung up in his mind like a portrait as he holds Castor’s cold hand in his warm one.

—

Annabeth finds you in the middle of the strawberry fields before the sun sets. She knows you won’t be sleeping tonight, not if you can fight it— not when there’s so much to do. You’ve long grown out of your ripped-up and tie-dyed camp shirts, and the one slung on your frame is newly pressed and starchy from the storage room of the Big House, still stiff against your freshly washed skin. When she’s close enough to touch you, you’ve been scrubbed clean of today.

She doesn’t have to be a daughter of Athena to know that you know that she’s there even if you can’t see her, but for once she feels like she has to hide. For once, Annabeth Chase doesn’t know what to say. How can she explain the feeling of guilt that coils around her brain like barbed wire—how can she even begin to apologize for the thing wearing her brother’s skin, knowing that it killed yours? For once, her hubris is crushed by the sinking feeling of humiliation.

“Was your first quest all you thought it would be, Annie?”

As she takes her navy cap off, silver braided strands around her face wave in the wind as a reminder of what Luke put her through. Though as she looks at you now with your berry-stained fingers plucking at stems one by one instead of using your powers, she thinks that your mind is elsewhere—anywhere but here, where everything is a painful reminder of your five years as a camper.

Five years with Luke.

Mourning him isn’t a new feeling for either of you, even though he comes in and out of your lives like a poltergeist you want to bash across the head, just always out of reach. But he’s a constant, even when he’s not here and he’s what binds you two together as you huddle hidden away from the rest of camp.

“He did this for you.”

It’s not a question, more so a fact out of Annie’s mouth when you finally meet her eyes and sigh, “Luke’s always had a way going about things. The most stubborn man to ever live.” You toss another strawberry into the crate at your feet. No one’s working right now, trying to tend to the injured and the dead. Everyone’s doing their best to chase away the nightmares that are bound to come, and she knows you’ll be making rounds with her on the night shift to ease everyone’s anxieties. But there’s a thought so strong it makes her head hurt, bursting at the seams until she can’t stop with her last-ditch effort to fix her found family.

“Maybe if we find him, we can save—”

“He’s been out of time for a while now, Annabeth. We both knew that,” you say, voice firm and unwavering. You’ve never sounded so monotone before, and it hits her as her mouth falls agape, “You’re giving up on him? Why…why would you give up on him?” Anger courses through her veins like fire and she’s mad that she’s at the center of this prophecy, of Hermes’s anger for his doomed son who will love you until the ends of the earth.

And what of her?

What of the hope she has in happy endings, how is it that you’re so damn calm? Annabeth kicks at the crate, strawberries rolling out in different directions and your jaw tightens as you let her be petulant, let her scream and yell until her inner child can catch up with the reality of the world around you.

“How could you?”

Your name echoes as she repeats it, grabbing at your shoulders and she’s as desperate as the truth that shakes her when you cup her face in your hands and wipe her tears.

“You’ve carried the weight of the world Annabeth– you know what it feels like to let it go. It’s time to let him go. There’s nothing I can do or say to fix this.”

Then it hits her that you knew of his fate and yet this was still the outcome. There was nothing else to do but watch him be puppeteered by a Titan and have to fight evil while it wears his face.

“He came to you after he saw me, didn’t he? Why didn’t you tell me? Why don’t you love him anymore?”

Because it wouldn’t have changed a thing, your eyes say. Instead, you grimace as you say, “Wouldn’t that be funny if it were true?” You lean down and pick up the fallen berries, some bruised and covered in dirt, and then you look at her again with teary eyes.

“Some prophecy huh? To lose a love to worse than death. What could we have done besides love him until the end?”

“He’s still in there. I know you know that too. Don’t talk about him like he’s not,” Annabeth insists, and a sad smile settles upon your face. It’s as gentle as the kiss of the breeze on your cheeks.

“I lost a brother today, Annie.”

“Me too.”

—

The funny thing about planning funerals is that with all the fuss it takes to organize one, you still find extra time on your hands. Barely getting any sleep and dragging yourself out of your dad’s bed, Pollux snores loudly next to you after hours of working on Castor’s shroud. Sleep wasn’t expected for either of you, but being unconscious was the only way of giving your brains a reprieve. The both of you have been busy doubling down on the preparations, even if it means Mr. D won’t be back in time while he’s out rallying gods for war.

The faster Castor’s earthly body is reconnected with his soul, the easier his trip will be into the Underworld, Nico says, and it’s funny how comforting the little emo pipsqueak can be when it comes to matters of death.

Perhaps this is the solace you bring to others with things you’re able to control—keeping camp afloat is something you were always good at, and helping every traumatized child that comes up to you for a juice box or a lullaby eases the guilt that follows you. Walking around Camp Half-Blood for more than a weekend made you feel like a judge, jury, and executioner. Though most of the campers from almost five years ago have either aged out, defected, or died—the ones that remain still look at you like you’re trouble.

Perhaps you always will be.

You even found yourself with the time to pray to Hermes last night for your brother’s safe passage into the afterlife, though if he’s angry at Annabeth, he must hate you for letting Luke go. Dinner didn’t seem appetizing enough anyway, so your whole plate was tossed into the hearth. You hope he likes chicken and rice.

But if a god can’t fight fate, what did he expect you to do?

The Iris Message to your dad last night was difficult, to say the least. Pollux’s hands shook as he continued to paint grape vines onto the silk cloth and the both of you didn’t say anything when your father started to cry. He out of all of the gods knows what it’s like to be tested to the limits—to endure pain and it’s a gift you and your brother are grateful for in times like these. Watching the god display the human emotion that either of you couldn’t as freely made it more real though.

There was also the interesting predicament of Chris Rodriguez being locked up in the basement of the Big House. Replacing screaming fits with serenity was almost second nature, and your gentle hands were what got Clarisse to truly respect you again for the first time in years. You could hear her sneak downstairs and talk to him while he slept (and the look in her eyes when you’d greet her with a cup of coffee made it known to you that she finally understands what it means to love someone who’s lost—two demigod daughters filled with a lot of rage and hurt were more alike than they think).

So the morning of your little brother’s funeral, you found yourself on the shoreline of Canoe Lake, setting your Redbull against the post of the dock and looking out onto the water.

You needed to do something with your hands. In the past few days, if your fingers were not occupied by pen and paper, a guitar, supply crates, or anything else that was helpful to others and all the more distracting for you, it’s been so easy to pick at any little thing. Perhaps it was your subconscious trying to reflect the damage on the inside, but today, your nail polish was chipped beyond belief. A small price to pay to not lose it without a signature boyish smile to ease your worries and amber eyes that could help you escape from the routine.

Running camp was always easier back then with your runaway boy and his scarred cheek.

How pathetic.

Crouched over in the sand, you plucked stones and filled your pockets with them. They knocked against each other — weighing your pockets down as you walked closer to the dock. Swinging your feet off the side and chucking them into the water, you could barely achieve a ripple.

It’s so quiet that you end up wondering if the rocks in your pockets would weigh you down to the bottom of the lake. It must be nice down there, to exist away from everything.

Bubbles surface slowly in front of you, then Percy’s head bobs in the water as he squints at you through sunlight.

“You chucked a rock at my head!”

A smile tugs at your lips, almost indiscernible but definitely there, “I was trying to skip them. Didn’t know you were doing water tricks in there, kid.” His grin gleams like freshwater pearls, pulling himself up onto the dock as his hand clasps yours. Shaking his sopping hair, Percy’s gangly frame sits next to yours like a wet bag of sand—all wrinkly and misshapen and sprinkling you with lakewater.

“Maybe next time don’t pick rocks the size of your fist. How many have you got in there? Your aim is scarily accurate,” he laughs and you huff and shake your head when his hand sticks into your pocket and takes out a few smooth ones to roll around in his hand. You mirror him, watching him skip a few stones into the water that reach a good distance before sinking into the depths of the lake.

There’s something sad about feeling comfortable to trauma dump on the teenage son of Poseidon, but with the way he grabs your arm at your third unsuccessful toss of a rock, you can’t do anything else but sigh.

“Why didn’t any of you call me, Percy?”

He was waiting for this question—it’s been banging around in his head since the beginning of Annabeth’s quest, and perhaps her talk with you yesterday didn’t go as expected so once again he’s left with the difficult part.

Things happen to turn out pretty difficult for him a lot, he's noticed.

Many things could have been made easier in the past few weeks: Ariadne being your stepmother and her blessing to you would’ve made the Labyrinth easier to navigate, and having another demigod to fight alongside him instead of a mortal girl would’ve been a plus too. But he looks at you with ocean eyes and a smaller smile that reminds you of how he looked at you when you dropped him off in Montauk the summer you met him and quit your head counselor job.

“You’ve already made a lot of difficult decisions. We weren’t sure if…”

The rotten wood beneath you creaks under your shifting weight as you turn to him, tucking your legs underneath your bottom.

“Didn’t think I could handle it?”

He shakes his head, “The opposite, actually. Annabeth has this notion that you’re the only one that can save him. You know, back on my first quest I met Luke’s dad and he told me something…”

You swallow instead of answering. There’s no way Percy is giving you Hermes’s advice right now. Somehow this feels like karmic retribution after years of spiting that asshole, and what he tells you next is more of a sign that it must be true.

“He said, ‘Do you know what that feels like? To be so close to someone you love knowing neither of you has any choice but to keep hurting each other?’ I didn’t get it then, but I do now.”

“With Luke and his mom?” you ask, picking at the remaining slivers of varnish on your thumbnail.

“With you and Luke. I didn’t call you, because… why would I want to see you hurt after everything?” Percy says this like it’s something he would do for everyone.

Perhaps it is, but the knot that forms in your throat feels as heavy as the boulder you almost sunk into his skull. He’s tall enough to lean your head against now, and you don’t mind the water spots that will form along the side of your funeral outfit. The shape of him it leaves will remind you of the little brother you gained through so much loss.

“Plus he has a new girlfriend. Absolute horse of a girl,” he jokes. It slips over your head but you still giggle, “I could’ve taken her.”

“I know, that was Grover’s worry. You’re prettier anyway…” Percy pauses, and then clears his throat, “You’ve always taken care of this place, y’know? Even after….I just think someone ought to take care of you.”

Your shoulder bumps against his as you finally skip a rock. It only bounces across the water twice and you think Percy might have had something to do with it, but you’re not bothered by the help this time around.

—

You wake up in the dark of night to see your dad looming in the doorway to his office. With drool and a post-it stuck to your cheek, he comes over to ruffle your hair in amicable silence.

“Hard at work or hardly working?” he chuckles, leaning over your shoulder to scan over the paperwork sorted into piles for him to sign from his absence.

“Hm. You wish,” you scoff, leaning against your arm as you look at him. He’s not in his usual eyesore of attire, wearing a clean-pressed suit with his hair slightly slicked back.

“You look good. The meeting went okay?”

“Grover will be. The Council of Cloven Elders? Not so much. Neither are the gods ready to take sides. Putting out little fires everywhere as we speak.”

The wheels of the office chair roll as you swing your feet, and if you both listen closely enough you can hear Pollux snoring upstairs. Chiron loved the earplugs you gave him.

Your father’s face smooths out a bit at the sight of you and the sound of his son’s breathing upstairs and he asks, “Are you? Good?”

A shrug slides off your shoulders, “How does one be good in a world like this one?”

A startling scream echoes off the walls of the Big House, rattling the floorboards from below as your father grimaces.

The work is never done for you two.

“Don’t look at me like that. It was worse when he first came here.”

“Don’t doubt it,” he mumbles, brushing lint off your shirt before he notices you’re donning neon orange. “Didn’t do laundry, princess?”

“Pollux and I haven’t gone back to our cabin since... I can wake him up if you—”

Mr. D shakes his head and goes to toss his body onto the couch against the window, shutting his eyes and taking a deep breath.

“Dad? Do you think Chris is a bad person?”

A beat passes and you think he may have fallen asleep, but then his voice sounds like gravel scraping up his throat.

“I don’t think anyone can be bad, kid. I think it is more often that people get lost. What Rodriguez needs is someone to take hold of him gently, and hand his life back to him—you…Clarisse… that’s what we’re giving him.”

Now you’re silent, staring at the dust on his name placard at the edge of the desk.

“Do you think otherwise?”

He calls your name again, and you look up like you’re about to lie to him but don’t have the energy to.

“Princess, do you think you’re a bad person?”

He stands up and walks around to your side of the desk, sitting on the edge so you have to look at him.

“I killed someone. During the battle. Didn’t even think twice about it, slashed his neck as soon as Castor went down and…” you sniff. “I kill monsters, not children, Dad. How does that make me any different?”

The last time blood was on your hands like this it was Luke’s in the Garden of Hesperides. All these years later you ended up being right— the only person you vowed to get bloody for is Luke Castellan, and now in a twisted turn of fate, you’ve bloodied your hands because of him.

“Because you did it for your brother. There are no other explanations needed.”

He sees the exhaustion in your eyes, the drop in your shoulders, but your dad also sees the strength in your bones that spans generations and he knows you and Pollux are strong because you are both his.

“Humans believe in life everlasting—glory, as some call it, but they’re too focused on achieving it on earth instead of enjoying what life has to offer,” he scoffs, “Everyone has the guts to die, but no one has the guts to truly live. How sad.”

“His name was Rowan. Son of Hecate. I taught him how to whistle the summer I left. This is all my fault, Dad,” you say shakily as he comes near and pulls you into his side. He shushes you but you relent.

“Luke’s killing all these people to fulfill a promise he made for me. I’m just fucking disgusted with myself for being the cause of it all. What good life can I deserve when wherever I go I leave a trail of blood?”

Love and addiction must be so alike; to know that to be sober you can’t indulge in the vice ever again—not only does it hurt you, but others around you. But through the years you’ve always kept the taste of his name in your mouth, the feeling of his skin under your fingertips, and the knowledge of why he’s destroying the world so he can make you a better one. Insanity stems from fighting for so long that you embrace the pain; feeling something so intensely that when it consumes you you’re able to walk out the other side and wear it as armor.

Not everyone is hardwired to persevere. There are moments like a night like these where it would be easy to give up. Instead, you pour two glasses of whiskey you’ve conjured and hand one to your dad. You both sip on your drinks slowly, embracing the crawling feeling of the burn.

“Liquor is one way out and death is another,” your dad sighs blissfully. He almost looks rejuvenated by the alcohol he knows he’ll hear about from Zeus later, but perhaps the death of his son is a good enough pardon.

“For some of us, we don’t have to think about the answer.”

Mr. D grabs a pen off the desk and starts signing papers to do something with his hands, and then you speak again, “I think I’d rather die than for people I love,” and your dad’s attention whips to your blank face staring at the moon outside the window. “Instead of killing for them. I’ve never been a good soldier, Dad.”

Mr. D looks at you thoughtfully and wonders where all the time has gone that you sit there in front of him with more knowledge than him at your mortal age before saying, “You’re my daughter. You’re a fighter. Death is for chumps anyway.”

He lifts you by the arm to try to usher you up the stairs but you stay in his office chair swatting his hands away.

“Got work to do, you and I. Not getting rid of me until it’s done.”

“When are you going home?” he asks, pulling up a chair next to yours.

“I am home.”

You don’t look up from the papers you were filing, stubbornness leaking through your voice.

“If there is a war coming, I want to be home as much as I can. I’m finishing my last semester and I’ll be here before and after classes. You can’t stop me, dad.”

And he knows that too.

There is no such thing as leaving Camp Half-Blood for you.

Never for too long. Your love for it is scattered everywhere campers can see.

—

In all these years, you never believed I loved you. And I did. I did so much. I did love you. I even loved your hate and your hardness. - Tennessee Williams

[shebsart]

this isnt gonna be coherent but thinking about Sandor and his relation to death..

he calls his horse stranger (just alone him identifying with the stranger, the seen-as-a-monster god of death and outcasts), constantly talks about how many people he has killed and how it gives him joy, keeps this "butcher" persona that thinks killing is necessary to survive even when its innocents, talks proudly if his sigil that was based on three dogs that died trying to protect someone,fights and kills a literal undead man-gets burned in the process- only for him to come back again lol (ok this ones kind of a reach but worth mentioning for the undead gregor parallelisms) , shows arya how to give the gift of mercy "that's where the heart is, thats how you kill a man" and he denies to dig him a grave.

and after arya denying him the gift of mercy(and goes on to train to become a death giver no less lol). and then "the hound is dead" but he is "revived" by a monk-like figure and becomes a literal grave digger.. almost like hes digging graves for all the people he has killed before, maybe its also like hes serving the stranger in a way. death has become from a violent act to a quiet state of being for him at this point of the story

also i like that he dies and starts over with a different identity figuratively while his brother dies literally and comes back with a different name( if you can call it coming back)..

i dont exactly know what to make out of this as a whole because i was having seperate thoughts but i love that its there and always loved the The Stranger part to his character.

bonus from his wiki because they remind me how much i love these books and how every character connects to each other and the story so seamlessly:

[jestertheechester]

Breaking News: Zoo Turtle Escapes, Causing Injuries and Property Damage

(Picture taken seconds before disaster)

Good evening, viewers. We bring you urgent news from the local zoo, where a turtle has made a daring escape from its aquarium tank, resulting in chaos and mayhem.

Reports indicate that the escaped turtle has caused injury to 21 individuals and inflicted $150,000 in property damage. Among the injured are 15 visitors and 6 employees of the zoo. Authorities are urging the public to remain vigilant and to report any sightings of the escaped turtle to law enforcement or animal control immediately.

In a statement issued by zoo officials, they emphasized that they are not liable for any damages caused by the rogue turtle. The reasons behind the turtle's escape remain shrouded in mystery. However, zoo employees responsible for the care of the turtle have shed some light on the situation.

According to eyewitness accounts, the turtle began exhibiting aggressive behavior after its tank mate, a red-eared slider named Leo, was relocated to a different zoo. One employee, who has cared for the turtles since they were young, recounted a particularly memorable incident involving the escapee, identified as Donnie, a spiny softshell turtle.

"We found Donnie along with Leo when they were nothing but little tots," the employee recalled. "Maybe that's why he decided to escape. I still remember it like it was just yesterday when Donnie bit my finger off for getting too close to Leo. No, seriously, he bit off my entire finger."

The situation at the zoo remains tense as authorities work to safely apprehend the escaped turtle and restore order. We will continue to bring you updates on this developing story as more information becomes available. Stay tuned for further updates.

[mikachacha]

GAWA KA ONE SHOT LOSE MY BREATH TITLE

LOVE FIRST SIGHT Yung scene

LOSE MY BREATH (BADA LEE X IDOL!READER)

Synopsis: She didn't believe in love at first sight, let alone falling in love with the same gender then she met you.

Warnings: I don't think there's any??? If you're triggered by gl then beware i guess???

A/N: @loudcyclesuit ok na tayo beh? 😭🫶

Bada never really believed in love at first sight, more importantly falling in love with the same sex. Yeah she does have some masculine quality yet she identifies herself as straight. She thought she'd live like that for the rest of her life until she met you.

She could swear that she stopped breathing, her heart pounding so fast inside her ribcage like it wanted to get out and her mind going haywire as she watched you practice in an empty room in the studio. She didn't know what attracted her to you. Was it your face? Your body? How cute you looked in those baggy sweatpants and the oversized shirt you're wearing or the way you're singing along to the song like no one can hear you. Whatever the reason is, Bada is sure that she just experienced what they call love at first sight.

"Uhh.. Can I join?" Bada awkwardly asked when you were done. She couldn't help but admire how adorable you looked when your eyes widened after realizing that Bada has been watching you do some crazy things and the way your cheeks turned red from embarrassment made Bada wanted to just pick you up and bring you home.

"Sure???" you replied, you could swear that you're gonna pass away from embarrassment right now. You idolize Bada, and have begged your superiors before but it was to no avail. And now Bada has asked you if she could dance with you? Yeah, you can die happy right after this encounter.

Bada thought before that you're this cutesy idol with a matching cute dance style but she's pleasantly surprised to find out that you could actually do more sensual styles as you both danced to Hwasa's Chili. Bada couldn't help but be confused with her own feelings. She knows she's straight but whenever she looks at you, she can't help but feel attracted to you. It's like a magnet pulling her closer, or you're some kind of drug that she can't seem to get enough of.

After that first encounter, Bada couldn't stop thinking about you. From joining you in your little practices, you joining her classes, going out for coffee together and texting each other until late into the night. Yup, she's falling so hard for you at an alarming rate. She tried to stop herself, she tried to rationalize things in her head but whenever she sees your little texts, or your smile, all those thoughts go right out the window and she finds herself craving more and more of you.

"Can we meet right after your event?" Bada called you one day asking to meet up after you told her you're having a fan meet event. Your company thought it was a good idea to hold some fan meets since you're going to release a new album soon and to bury the issue of you being linked to an actor. You wanted to clear the issue yourself so badly, tell them that you're not dating the actor because you're not into men, no thank you. May they stay as far away from you as possible because the only one that you want is a certain tall dancer who asked you to meet her after your event.

"Yeah sure. Everything okay?" you asked, now concerned. Usually Bada would ask to hang out maybe two days after your events but this time it seemed really urgent and she hasn't been acting herself ever since the issue broke out. You didn't want to assume things but a glimmer of hope sparked in your chest that maybe, just maybe, Bada likes you despite her saying that she's straight. Maybe you manifested your delulu dreams to become true.

"I just need to talk with you about something, really. But don't worry, everything is okay! Good luck with your fan meet, sorry that I couldn't attend. I got some work to do. But I'll definitely see you later." Bada says and you can't help but smile. She's really sweet and supportive towards you, not that you mind. You absolutely love it, it makes you feel special receiving such attention from Bada.

"See you later, Bada." you said and hung up. Your day went on as planned, you met fans and spent time with them but your mind kept wandering to the thing Bada wanted to talk about. What could it be? Hopefully it's not something way too serious.

Meanwhile, Bada is freaking out. She has thought about it again and again and again. She came to accept that fact that first, she's not as straight as she thought she was and second, she's madly in love with you. Though she was content with whatever kind of thing is going on between you and her, the issue with you being linked to an actor made her anxious. Were you just being friendly with her? Did those sweet messages and conversations mean nothing? Those loving looks and lingering touches, were those just her imagination? She felt like she was going insane so she asked to meet up with you after your event.

It seems like time has stopped, everything and everyone else didn't matter when you walked in the café, wearing plain clothes and the cap she gave to you. It always feels like her heart would skip a beat whenever she sees you. That smile of yours would be the end of her.

"Hi! I didn't make you wait too long, did I?" you asked as you sat across from Bada. Your smile widened when you saw that she already ordered your favorite drink and pastry. She really knows what you like and it made you feel all giddy inside.

"No, not at all. You good? You're not too tired aren't you?" Bada asks and you shake your head, smiling at her.

"Me? Too tired? Honey, I always have reserved energy for you." you playfully winked at her and you could see a blush on her cheeks that she tried so hard to hide.

"You and your sweet words.. By the way, how's the issue with the actor? Are you guys really together?" Bada asked and you almost choked on your drink. You playfully glared at her and pouts a bit. Though Bada just wanted to confirm before she confessed her feelings to you. At least it'll hurt less if you say you can't reciprocate your feelings when you're single rather than being rejected because you're dating someone.

"What? No! Dear goodness, no. I'd rather dress as a teletubby than date him or a guy." you blurted out and Bada lets out a sigh of relief before reaching out to hold your hand and looking at you with sincerity. You could feel your heart beating fast. Is this it? Will your daydreams become reality?

"Good.. Because Y/N, I really like you. I know I said I'm straight but I can't help what I feel when I'm around you. As cheesy as it sounds, I could swear I fell in love with you the first time I saw you dancing in that empty practice room in the studio." Bada confessed and you just sat there, shocked and not saying anything at first as the information is sinking in your brain.

"Bada.. About time you confessed! I swear to everything that's holy, I would've tricked you into dating me. I don't know if I should wear a giant banner on my head to notice that I like girls??? And I like you a lot??? Oh my god.." your words just made Bada laugh and she got up from her seat to pull you in for a hug, happy that you feel the same way as her.

"I have lots of questions but I'll ask them later. For now, I just want to hug you and love you.." Bada murmurs against your shoulder. Both your hearts are happy knowing that it's not just a delulu dream but it's now both your reality.

[dragonroilz]

The Lifesurger: Genetic Anomaly

**Given my track record, I'd like to state that there are no further plans for this concept.**

this concept was made because i hate how there's not a true support character in this game which i understand why thats the case. if youre in singleplayer theres no point for it. the medimarker and feedback loop passive gives a reason to want to pick up allies and heal people. maybe this game will never fit a true support archetype but as a permanent support class mf in games like OW, TF2, and LOL it scratches an itch in my brain lmao

Feedback Loop - Passive

Healing yourself(via items) or others will make your attacks stronger. Decays over time. Amount charged is proportional to healing done.

Feedback Pulse - Alternative Passive

Healing past a certain threshold creates a burst of healing around you, harming enemies and healing allies. The threshold increases with level.

Stimshot - Primary

A single shot that can be held down to do more damage. The projectile heals and pierces through allies, while dealing damage to enemies. A fully charged shot pierces enemies and heals more damage. While an uncharged shot is a projectile with gravity, the charged shot is hitscan.

DIRECTORY: MARK - Secondary

The Medimarker targets a selected enemy and attacks it. Additionally, all damage done to the target is tripled.

DIRECTORY: BLOCK - Alternative Secondary

The Medimarker targets an ally and shields them. The target is only able to take an amount of damage up to 50% of their max HP in one hit.

DIRECTORY: ESCORT - Utility

Recall the Medimarker and grab onto it to ascend upward. This skill recalls your secondary.

DIRECTORY: MOUNT - Alternative Utility

Recall the Medumarker and ride it. The drone is weighed down by you, but can be controlled for ten seconds. The drone has less gravity and is faster than your sprint speed.

Pulse Accelerator - Special

Empower yourself and surrounding allies, giving a 50% chance to critical hit chance, removing all debuffs(except void kills, cooldown debuffs like rings, etc.), and a slight healing aura to anyone within range of the skill.

THE MEDIMARKER V1.0.0 LOGBOOK ENTRY:

The Lifesurger(Patent pending) is a prototype firearm that is meant for quick healing on the battlefield. The Lifesurger(Patent pending) excels in its ability to both heal organic creatures and repair machines, meaning that cybernetic enhancements can benefit from the effects of the firearm.

The Lifesurger(Patent pending) is also able to hurt enemy combatants by disrupting cardiovascular tissue, genetic material, and electronic signals. Through the help of an accompanying MED-E to identify friendly and hostile entities, the Lifesurger(Patent pending) is slated to be one of the greatest supporting assets on the battlefield.

Side effects may include: Vomiting, nausea, soreness, sudden bruising, death, genetic scrambling of previous users, limb loss, fever symptoms.

-

LIFESURGER LOGBOOK:

[CAM 3]

Patient 4-B is seen through the facility. She is escorted by a damaged MED-E.

4-B: COME ON MED-E. JUST A BIT FURTHER.

Something is pursuing them.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[CAM 4]

Patient 4-B is seen using Dr. A. Kurosawa's keycard to access Restricted Section 2.

[Unauthorized access. Security has been alerted. No response received.]

Patient 4-B is seen entering Restricted Section B.

[Unauthorized access. Security has been alerted. No response. Automatic alert issued to UESC authorities. This is the last alert they receive from this station.]

Something is pursuing them.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[CAM B-1]

Patient 4-B is seen running down the hall. Her IV is disconnected as she trips. The MED-E helps her up. They continue running. 4-B's vital signals are dropping as a result of loss of ?????.

She stops in front of ROOM 1.

Something is pursuing them.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[CAM ROOM 1]

The door opens.

[Admin has been alerted to the breach. No response.]

Patient 4-B pulls the Lifesurger(Patent Pending) off of the wall. She misfires into her chest and falls unconscious.

The MED-E prods her body with stimulants. There is no response.

Something is pressed up against the glass. It's cracking.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[EXT. CAM A]

Dr. A. Kurosawa is seen standing over the corpse of an unidentified creature. Her hands are up as UESC-dispatched enforcers approach her. The Lifesurger(Patent pending) is strapped over her back.

Enforcer: IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

KUROSAWA: I AM DOCTOR KUROSAWA.

Enforcer: DOCTOR KUROSAWA. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

KUROSAWA: I DON'T KNOW. THERE ARE MORE INSIDE.

Enforcer: GET TO THE SHIP.

Three enforcers enter the facility. Dr. A. Kurosawa moves out of the FOV. The escorting MED-E follows her.

[Post analysis: Patient 4-B did not report to UESC authorities following this encounter. Her current location is unknown.]

Detective's Notes: I don't know how, but she somehow passed the genetic and facial recognition tests. Someone please let Captain ???? know about the background of his alleged "doctor". Although somehow I doubt he'll really care, seeing as how he's got some real screwballs on board.

[sailorblossoms]

Baz's raised eyebrow:

(yet another "Simon identifies as 'Baz-sexual' for very good reasons' post)

few things have annoyed me more with these books than when people do not take Simon's "I don't know anything about anything but maybe I'm just a Baz-sexual" comments seriously (dismissing it with a combination of not paying attention to what he's putting down and good old confirmation bias). He even says it in less "goofy" ways with lines such as "he's the only person I have ever wanted" (in the context of thinking about having sex) (note the emphasis on ever) (yes, it's one of the clues saying he didn't want to have it with Agatha, in case it's not clear)

"Like Baz has only ever wanted Simon, Simon has only ever wanted Baz," is necessary to bring up before I get to my point here. I have seen Simon being read as in love or attracted to Agatha ("he must have been or else how they had sex?"... I mean, Simon tells you why it happened without attraction, but even if he didn't, we could make an alphabetized list of reasons it can happen without it, the desire to fit in is no joke) or the idea of Simon liking all sorts of girls, including the girl he pointedly doesn't notice despite her being obvious to others, for the sake of drama and conflict. I have wondered if they don't believe the characters, or if they find the highlighted sentence here boring. "It's boring if the characters only want each other," "in real life people want multiple people" – indeed, but not everyone is wired the same (and why are we stuck on "real life" so much anyway in stories about half-dragon and vampire boys falling in love). But it's not like this sentence is without conflict. Note Baz's eyebrow...

In CO, when Simon says Trixie is cute, Baz's reaction is a boyish "I'm going to puke" comment, which is likely part of how he dealt with jealousy and thinking Simon was straight for years: masking his feelings with "harsh" or sort of "edgy" jokes (probably not the right words to use, but getting to hung up on precise wording is the reason I never finish these posts). In awtwb, Simon calls Pippa cute, and Baz raises an eyebrow...

By those reactions, we could say the idea of Simon calling someone cute because he finds them attractive crosses Baz's mind – or is something he feels in some way, even if the thought doesn't explicitly cross his mind. It's something the reader might assume as well... however, I don't think the way Simon uses cute – which can be used in many different situations – says anything about attraction for him. I mean, a gay man can see a girl being cute or gorgeous as well – Baz certainly does! (attraction is portrayed in this books as thoughts derailed, repetition, sentences being cut off, fixating in a detail no one else notices like they do – you see it with Baz and Simon, Agatha and Niamh, Shepard and Penny. Shep doesn't just call Penny cute – he loses his entire goddamn mind for a whole page about her cuteness and her knees. It's not just a passing comment).

I don't think those scenes when Simon says "cute" is highlighting something about him, other than the fact that he's able to note cuteness. I think it's saying more about Baz's insecurities (I know I once posted something long about it somewhere...) Baz brings attention to it in a way with his reactions... because he's bothered by it. It's something that's sort of hidden and sort of contained, but it's there.

Baz doesn't find himself desirable, partly because of his vampiric nature. But part of it is also about the complicated and messy fear that perhaps... Simon has a problem with being with a man (I know I have unpacked this in other posts, finding them though...). Perhaps "a girl would be better" (It's messier with boys than with girls, it's a thought that comes out before he catches himself with "I don't actually know anything about being with boys or girls".... "I don't know anything about being in a relationship," he says, while still being able to catch there was something wrong with Agatha and Simon's relationship when Simon talks about – because Simon will process things he would rather avoid when it's about opening up to Baz, he wants Baz to know things that would help Baz understand him better, even if he himself would rather not understand... still Baz can't let go of the programming of all those years believing in the golden couple – he has spent a longer time believing that than dating Simon, after all) (Agatha is alive and beautiful, the sort of beauty that's used to "embody" "desirability".... and Baz is "not alive"...) (as a side note, have you noticed the idea – or the actual action – of sex with Agatha is used both with Simon and Baz to indicate a lack of desire toward women?)...

While Simon thinks of Baz as the only person he has ever wanted – Baz is as desirable as it gets for him – Baz struggles with feeling desirable at all. Baz doubts and wonders and has to catch himself – even if he doesn't notice he's doing that. Even if he doesn't conciously think "a beautiful girl who is alive is more preferable than me, a gay male vampire." That is a far more interesting conflict than giving Baz having legit reasons to be jealous, I think. The fact that he has truly nothing to feel jealous about, and yet... he just can help it. It's hard to go against years of programming, of going against the idea that everything about yourself is undesirable and it's better to hide it – another way he matches with Simon. They also match in their insecurities, with small differences: Baz is so amazing and attractive while Simon doesn't feel like he's good enough for him, he can do better than him, etc... while Baz clearly only has eyes for Simon, Simon feels like Baz is merely stuck with him. And the conflict here is that you think "they need to TALK and voice their thoughts for the love of god, what do you mean Baz doesn't know Simon sees him as the love of all his lives??"... talking is not enough. That Simon and Baz only have eyes for each other is not without conflict. Sometimes we need to keep hearing some things, and even then... the fears and insecurities don't go away. Especially when he have spent a really long time believing ourselves to be unwanted, undesirable, something to be hidden. When we have been exposed to things that confirmed those beliefs for longer than we have been exposed to things that challenge them

[vasito-de-leche]

Do you have any specific queer headcannons of r1999 characters if so which ones and why?

I wrote a bunch of stuff for this post but then tumblr fucked me up and reloaded without saving it so here we are..... rewriting it all over again ... OAUGH. usually I default to seeing everyone as Vaguely Bisexual and Not Cis until stated otherwise, but you asked for specifics so here we go!

6 is aromantic or demiromantic.

On one hand, it's because I love projecting on my faves. On the other hand, it's because he genuinely doesn't feel like the type of person to be interested in relationships. But this isn't something that's tied to any potential disgust, repulsion or even trauma related to his Revelation and struggle against fate -- to me, 6 just doesn't feel romantic attraction. At the very least, nothing strong enough to consider pursuing. It's not in his priorities. I really dislike this specific thing that fandoms do in which every single character who is introverted, or who happens to be alone/isolated (either by chance or by choice) is secretly lonely, touch starved, pining and desperate for attention and romantic love. It feels like such a huge disrespect for their equally important platonic or familial relationships. 6 already holds a lot of love for his own community and his childhood friends, a type of affection that is shown in his subtle and unique ways. I like it when his character focuses on those aspects instead!

Mesmer Jr. is aromantic and asexual.

In her case, she's the opposite of 6. Mesmer Jr.'s trauma and OCD is much too intense for her to even consider the idea of an emotional or physical bond with anyone. She's disgusted at the idea of touching others so casually, and she's afraid at the possibility of allowing a person (someone she logically cannot have any control over) into her life because what if they throw her off her schedule? What if they mess every meticulous thing she's planned for herself and her mental stability? What if she loses her grip? Yes, it's plausible that she may find a partner who works perfectly with the way she needs things to be, and yes, you can headcanon that she heals and her OCD becomes "manageable" enough to have a stable relationship, but personally? I just like it when characters don't get to have stereotypical happy endings in which everything gets better through love and friendship and support -- like, yeah everyone loves to see their faves happy and all but eh... It's a bit of projection on my part! Some people don't get to heal and do all the things their disabilities prevented them from doing, even if we're given all this support and love. Some of us just have to find ways around these things, anything that works for us that makes our lives easier.

Sweetheart is queer but has a complex relationship with love. In a somewhat similar vein, Blonney has gone through every single letter of the LGTBQ+ community.

I tried my best to explain my thoughts on Sweetheart but at this point she deserves her own post because it's honestly a LOT, this single part was just too long so I cut it out entirely. Just trust me when I say she's queer and has a very complex relationship with love. In Blonney's case, we discussed the possibility of her being written as comphet and it got me to think a little about her. I see Blonney as the type of girl who presents as a straight bimbo, following the themes of her character and all, but who has constant crisis after crisis in the privacy of her bedroom, the only place she's allowed to be more than just a blondie. This constant journey questioning her orientations and gender happens entirely in her head and in private. I like to think that she just has these long monologues in her head. Sure, she's identified as straight her whole life, but maybe bisexual works better because there was that one girl she kept meeting under the bleachers. Oh, but maybe she's a lesbian, since all her boyfriends are just huge disappointments and none of them ever make her truly happy. Oh, but maybe that's just because she has bad taste in men, there was that one guy in class who keeps making her laugh after all. Ahh, this would be so much easier if she were a guy, her femininity is mostly performative after all. Ah, but she actually really loves pink and fashion... Nonbinary then? No, she's not the type to pick something so vague, it's one or the other. Oh, how about both? Genderfluid! Etc etc. If you ask her about how she identifies, she'll simply brush you off with a "What's it to you? That's none of your business, creep!" and move on, but this is something very personal to her. So far, she knows she likes being femme presenting and that she likes Jessica!

Eagle is a trans girl.

Have you guys seen those posts going around tumblr about how important it is that trans women exist because they fight for their own womanhood and girlhood in a world that constantly looks down upon feminine things and all women as a whole? Yeah. Yeah. Eagle being a scout that fights so hard to prove herself, the feelings of not belonging into the Boy Scouts and seeing how the Girl Scouts are created eventually, a space for her. The fact that she visits her father's grave so that he can see her grow up.

Kaalaa Baunaa, Oliver Fog, Medicine Pocket and Melania are probably bisexual, but they're super busy with work so they don't have time to address that.

Self-explanatory <3 I do like to think that Kaalaa and Medpoc are more chill about it, Kaalaa because she's a grown ass woman who is very mature, and Medpoc because they genuinely give no fucking shits about dating in general, so who cares about confirming whether they're bisexual or not. Oliver Fog is a little more flustered at the idea of exploring his orientation and whatnot, but it's tolerable. BUT MELANIA? I LOVE to think that she's FULLY aware that the MOMENT she acknowledges her bisexuality, she will have a crisis and then what will she do? She has 3 papers due next week and a heist this weekend, she can't possibly sit there wondering about liking girls! She's got things to do!

And here's the extra round of HCs that don't require that much text to explain or that lean towards being more silly!

Eternity has literally outlived the concept of gender. She/They royalty.

37 has QRPs instead. It Just Works. No one but herself and her partners understand the dynamics, though. As god intended <3

APPLe is a raging bisexual and has been spotted in many gay bars. Regulus is also bisexual.

The world would've been a better place if Bette was a butch lesbian.

Balloon Party and An-An Lee play with gender like its playdough.

Baby Blue is Not Cis and she's Not Straight either because none of that shit matters to her anymore, since she's been disconnected from reality and society for so long. She also doesn't care about labelling herself.

Diggers is trans, but no one can figure out which way exactly. It doesn't help that he refuses to clarify either. The same thing happens with John Titor, except she's very vocal about being a transwoman.

Bunny Bunny is bisexual but she hasn't realized this yet. In similar fashion, Horropedia is bisexual but he just forgets about it sometimes.

Druvis III as a trans woman goes hand in hand with Forget Me Not as a gay man. This is why they're both super divorced.

Leilani is pansexual because she prefers the colors of that specific flag over the bisexual one. Spathodea is pansexual because the personal distinction between pansexuality and bisexuality matters to her.

Tennant is bisexual because she can scam and seduce more people that way.

The Fool is nonbinary. Mf should've been born in the 2020's, I just KNOW he would've loved mirrorgender.

Zima is in the closet not out of shame but out of safety. Just in case.

Sotheby assumes that every girl in the world likes girls. So far no one has been able to prove her wrong because all she does is interact with other sapphic girls.

Pavia is nonbinary out of spite. But I also love transguy Pavia HCs so so so much, give that guy boobs, he would never get top surgery <3

Vertin is nonbinary too but she doesn't care about people knowing about it. She does, however, make the effort to be a little androgynous, as a treat for herself.

Madam Z and Katz absolutely had a Situationship going on during university. Katz was bicurious and Madam Z helped her experiment. Now the Situationship is between Madam Z and Constantine, the latter using Madam Z as a rebound after fumbling her relationship with Vertin's mother <- the machinations in my brain will astonish you.

TTT is genderfluid by virtue of being a picture on a TV, so I like to think she can just shift her appearance. In similar fashion, gender means nothing to Alien T and Voyager because they're aliens.

I specifically love the idea of all of the 1.2 gang joking about how Tooth Fairy is their token straight adult figure -- she's actually bi and asexual, but likes to keep that to herself so the kids can make their little jokes and have fun.

Enigma is gay and homophobic because his self-loathing is just that strong.

Turns out that the push Click needed to explore his own sexuality was getting killed on the battlefield, so now he's free to be gay. perhaps bicurious.

[showstopper35]

I do not know if you are taking requests, if you aren’t then feel free to ignore. But I was wondering, if you are of course, if I could have Con x Reader headcanons where the reader has really bad anxiety? But like tries to play it off as not that bad as they are visible freaking out?

I hope that is okay and thank-you in advance!

No problem! Sorry for the wait! And also sorry I didn't do all the cons!

Starscream

-He knows a thing or two about repressing emotions...he mostly just gives you a lot of space. If you want to talk about it, he will listen quietly. Maybe give you a few words about how its okay to not be okay, and that you can allow yourself to feel things in front of him, or just let it out when you feel safe alone. If you don't want to talk about it, he will pretend to believe your "I'm fine" routine until you come clean.

Megatron

-You're fine, you say? Good. All his soldiers must be fine. So what if your hands are shaking? Maybe you aren't fine after all. But you have to tell him that first, or otherwise let your anxiety so badly affect your performance in whatever your daily tasks are that he notices. Then he won't say anything, but he might let you take a break. Just until you can go back to serving him, of course.

Soundwave

-You don't even need to pretend to be okay. He knows. He's probably tracking your heartbeat or something. The shaky hands, the trembling voice...the anxiety is definitely bad. Well, when he gets nervous (which is never, because the security chief of the Nemesis could never be nervous, right?), he usually would play with his minicons. Don't be concerned when Laserbeak starts flying at you--he's just here to help. Laserbeak never leaves your side until Soundwave has decided you've calmed down enough.

Knockout

-Don't worry, darling, he is definitely the first one to know you're faking it. After all, he puts on his dramatic act every day. One glance at you and all his medic training kicks in and identifies the symptoms of an anxiety attack. Expect to be escorted into a quiet room while he orders everyone else away from you for "medical reasons". Once you are calmer, he sips energon with you and just does his best to distract you with all the random stuff he has to say, even if he mostly talks about himself.

Breakdown

-If we're being honest, he is not the smartest. It would probably take something as drastic as you breaking down into tears to realize that you're panicking. Even so, he does realize that something is off. He might be kinder to you, or offer to aid you in any of your assignments. He just keeps you company.

Shockwave

-Shockwave would notice that you aren't exactly acting as your usual self. After a while around you, he would come to the conclusion that you are highly anxious. He notices everything, yes, but he wouldn't say much. Maybe he just leaves you alone. He isn't sure if this is his problem. If you did voice your anxiety to him, he would probably recommend some weird medicine he cooked up. Maybe it's best to just avoid him about this issue.

[moonshynecybin]

how about if marc and vale had reconciled in 2019 (and started dating, not more situationship this time). how do you think vale would have reacted to the 2020 injury and the years of pain that followed?

i’ve been chewing this over for an ask maïna sent me. and i think that it’s a really tough hurdle for them to be together while they’re riding against each other in GENERAL. it’s a sport of daring it’s a sport of risk it’s a sport that rewards those who are not just smart but often very very brave. no little voice in the back of their head telling them no to do that because they’ll die kinda deal. and marc absolutely does NOT have that voice, and vale i think DOES. to an extent. and i think all of his past traumas with his dad and friends dying/getting injured have made impacts on him in ways that have made him um. maybe more conscientious on track? a little less inclined to risk a little more inclined to plan

butttt that doesn’t mean he has the leeway to not be ruthless ! (and i think there’s something to it that he never won again after sic died…) so if youre valentino rossi and you add a romantic interest as a rival (especially. marc marquez.) suddenly there’s this HUGEEE internal conflict where vale might want (subliminally or consciously) to pull the proverbial punch— and frankly winning means too much to him for him to let that shit slide!! pulling the punch is absolutely NOT an option!! like i think one of the primary and sexiest tensions in the rosquez relationship is that racing is the most important thing to BOTH of them, (except when they’re making room to hate each other..) and they refuse to make sacrifices concerning racing for the sake of the other EVER. he can’t worry about marc (even though he clearly IS, and he keeps tabs on his injuries MANY times over the course of their friendship so i can’t imagine his throat didn’t close up when marc went flying on jerez a little bit)

so he can’t deal with marc as something that might make him vulnerable on ANY level and s he blows the relationship up. and then they stay apart because of all of those same reasons PLUS the drama of sepang. and then you add ARGENTINA into the mix, where vale is not only witnessing marc be reckless, he’s dragging vale HIMSELF into it, and i have a hard time conceptualizing a reunion while they’re still racing each other… like obviously i WILL mash them together like barbies but. this one is tough ! it gets at one of their deepest issues imo

so all this to say. jerez 2020 is weird because it’s the first season vale actually and for real starts to decline superrrr noticeably. so he’s in a weird place ego wise (he identifies it as the time he first thought about retiring) and MARC is in a weird place ego wise and i think. vale, if they HAD reconciled in 2019, has basically been on the edge of his seat waiting for something like this to happen for years. expects it a little bit in that same way you do if you’ve been traumatized in the same way enough. and marc breaks his arm and maybe vale has covid and can’t convince marc not to race (i think he’s maybe the only non alex who could !) and marc goes out there and like. does what he does and his arm gets fucked ! maybe forever ! and then i think it is. lowkey a nightmare for vale every second marc races after that. like it means too much to him he CANT stop marc from racing he’s seeing how much it’s ripped at him when he can’t climb on a bike (vale is the one who comes up with taking the wheels of marc’s training bikes) and he wants to ask him to just stop and be safe but he thinks marc might just. not get up from that really. can tell marc can’t be done before he turns 30 he won’t allow himself. and he does love marc but this IS a psychological torture chamber for vale in many respects. so he bites his tongue and traces marc’s scars and helps him with his PT and sees how much pain he’s in. and i think honestly it’s not a fun year in the household !

[italeean]

Pleasant greetings to you, Elle! I'm not here to curse your inbox with images of pickles tainting delectable food, so don't fret XD. Instead, I offer a challenge! *Removes glove and places it on your head because Connor Maxwell Does not slap people*

The above image is a magnified microscope slide. Subject? Something in or on a human body. Identify. Or else...

Enjoy ^^.

-Connor Dean.

Okay, first of all I've just come back from uni so thank you for making me gag with those pickles... they look awful 🥰

Secondly, when one throws a glove as a sign of challenge, they do not slap people. They throw the glove to the ground and the person who the glove was thrown at decides whether to pick it up or not

Picking up the glove means accepting the challenge

Back to the microscope picture... did you take it?? Because it has an amazing definition! They don't even let us use that kind of microscope in uni...

The shapes look like leaves hehe, but a leaf can't be IN the human body, so I'll go with... idk, maybe a tear..?

Our professor showed us a picture from a study about tears in class, and it seems similar, although not identical, so it'll be my answer (because I don't have other ideas 😭)

[mintacle]

Lately I've seen a number of posts written by people who are frustrated by the expression of Jason Todd being female coded. And I feel like there's some misunderstandings here.

Honestly I'm assuming the anger about binary gender codings like "jason todd is female coded" is coming from people who are also queer. And I can see why people would feel frustrated by the simplification and what seems like unnecessary gendering of trauma. Hell, maybe it's even invalidating to your gender and your trauma. That's fair.

Personally I believe gender is a social construct. No emotion or situation belongs to any one gender. However. As a trans person. I've had to confront that my reality is shaped by the binary gender I am assigned. While I reject being "female coded", the situations I've been in and the trauma I've gone through has been severely influenced by being AFAB. Social constructs do shape our reality.

Me and my cis brother grew up with the same parents. But I faced more physical abuse from my father and higher expectations from my mother. He got an autism diagnosis and arguably faced and internalized ableism his whole life, I got told I make too much eyecontact to be autistic. Both of our lives and hardships have been shaped by the gender we were assigned.

To me the expression "jason todd is female coded" means that every attempt Jason has made to express his pain has been met by people trying to have a philosophical argument about the nature of man and second chances and justice like they are not literally talking to his reanimated body. That kind of blatant disregard of your pain and tonedeaf request to be reasonable, that pressure to return to the rules of your father and the rules of a patriarchal society despite how living under those systems put you in harm's way in the first place, the lack of concern about your feelings of safety. I think that's an experience you are thrust into when it gets decided for you that you're female. And personally, I use Jason Todd being female-coded as a way for me to reclaim my trauma while recognizing it doesn't affect my gender. Jason is a guy. I'm a guy.

[waterberry-strawmelon]

just gonna go ahead and say this in advance—

if Riz does indeed come out in junior year, and he says, “I’m ace” or “I’m asexual” when referring specifically to his lack of romantic attraction, aromantic people are allowed to be upset about it.

[seventh-district]

i’ve just finished season one of TMA, and being someone who’s okay with spoilers is fun because it means i can peruse the wiki and scroll through the tag and i get to become privy to all sorts of weird, wonderful, halfway-out-of-context information that i get to look forward to understanding in the future

like. what do you mean Leitner’s in the tunnels?

what do you mean Jon eats the extinguished sun??

what do you mean it’s spelled Gerard Keay???

[brittlebutch]

it's actually so fascinating to me that Brennan has created a character that maintains a pretty relaxed and mild-mannered demeanor and has said multiple times that the absolute Core of her is "FEAR" and how often we see this Fear manifest specifically in Avoidance; it really nails a relationship to that mentality where your brain fully Stops recognizing the emotion properly out of like, sheer self-defense from the stress of having to carry it all the time

I think this is also perfectly showcased in the way we tend to see Tula swing so suddenly from 'level and steady' to 'snarling Panic' and then back again - Just because your brain has detached itself from the Conscious Recognition of the emotion doesn't mean it can Actually stop itself from experiencing it. So the Fear is always there and always acting as a stressor, but because of that inability to Identify it there's no way to recognize or address it before that final straw hits and your bodymind jumps Straight into Full Meltdown Mode; but then once again, once you drop even a Little bit below that Peak Terror your brain ceases to process the emotion; it's like the most exhausting form of Poor Object Permanence in the world

And even if Tula is aware of this happening to her, that doesn't really make it any easier to deal with / address. Even if you're able to spot the symptoms Around the emotion -- chest pain, irritation, nausea, whatever -- because the Emotion Itself is basically impossible to find, you can't really Successfully Pin Down what the problem is OR a way to cope with it. If you can't figure out That You Are Anxious, then figuring out What Is Making You Anxious is impossible, which makes Find A Way To Make Peace With That incomprehensible. That's where the Avoidance comes in: you can no longer identify what might be a Dangerous Situation, which means that Anything New has a big potential to be Really Bad in a variety of ways (ranging "I don't Feel Good" to "Fully Lashing Out bc you've entered Fight/Flight and can't get out of it" to "Actual Outside Danger This Time") and that means the Only Way you know how to be Safe is to just Avoid Doing Anything New and Only stick to Familiar Situations, because anything unfamiliar is a monster of a gamble you don't know how to prepare for or cope with

[dragonroilz]

The Lifesurger: Genetic Anomaly

**Given my track record, I'd like to state that there are no further plans for this concept.**

this concept was made because i hate how there's not a true support character in this game which i understand why thats the case. if youre in singleplayer theres no point for it. the medimarker and feedback loop passive gives a reason to want to pick up allies and heal people. maybe this game will never fit a true support archetype but as a permanent support class mf in games like OW, TF2, and LOL it scratches an itch in my brain lmao

Feedback Loop - Passive

Healing yourself(via items) or others will make your attacks stronger. Decays over time. Amount charged is proportional to healing done.

Feedback Pulse - Alternative Passive

Healing past a certain threshold creates a burst of healing around you, harming enemies and healing allies. The threshold increases with level.

Stimshot - Primary

A single shot that can be held down to do more damage. The projectile heals and pierces through allies, while dealing damage to enemies. A fully charged shot pierces enemies and heals more damage. While an uncharged shot is a projectile with gravity, the charged shot is hitscan.

DIRECTORY: MARK - Secondary

The Medimarker targets a selected enemy and attacks it. Additionally, all damage done to the target is tripled.

DIRECTORY: BLOCK - Alternative Secondary

The Medimarker targets an ally and shields them. The target is only able to take an amount of damage up to 50% of their max HP in one hit.

DIRECTORY: ESCORT - Utility

Recall the Medimarker and grab onto it to ascend upward. This skill recalls your secondary.

DIRECTORY: MOUNT - Alternative Utility

Recall the Medumarker and ride it. The drone is weighed down by you, but can be controlled for ten seconds. The drone has less gravity and is faster than your sprint speed.

Pulse Accelerator - Special

Empower yourself and surrounding allies, giving a 50% chance to critical hit chance, removing all debuffs(except void kills, cooldown debuffs like rings, etc.), and a slight healing aura to anyone within range of the skill.

THE MEDIMARKER V1.0.0 LOGBOOK ENTRY:

The Lifesurger(Patent pending) is a prototype firearm that is meant for quick healing on the battlefield. The Lifesurger(Patent pending) excels in its ability to both heal organic creatures and repair machines, meaning that cybernetic enhancements can benefit from the effects of the firearm.

The Lifesurger(Patent pending) is also able to hurt enemy combatants by disrupting cardiovascular tissue, genetic material, and electronic signals. Through the help of an accompanying MED-E to identify friendly and hostile entities, the Lifesurger(Patent pending) is slated to be one of the greatest supporting assets on the battlefield.

Side effects may include: Vomiting, nausea, soreness, sudden bruising, death, genetic scrambling of previous users, limb loss, fever symptoms.

-

LIFESURGER LOGBOOK:

[CAM 3]

Patient 4-B is seen through the facility. She is escorted by a damaged MED-E.

4-B: COME ON MED-E. JUST A BIT FURTHER.

Something is pursuing them.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[CAM 4]

Patient 4-B is seen using Dr. A. Kurosawa's keycard to access Restricted Section 2.

[Unauthorized access. Security has been alerted. No response received.]

Patient 4-B is seen entering Restricted Section B.

[Unauthorized access. Security has been alerted. No response. Automatic alert issued to UESC authorities. This is the last alert they receive from this station.]

Something is pursuing them.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[CAM B-1]

Patient 4-B is seen running down the hall. Her IV is disconnected as she trips. The MED-E helps her up. They continue running. 4-B's vital signals are dropping as a result of loss of ?????.

She stops in front of ROOM 1.

Something is pursuing them.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[CAM ROOM 1]

The door opens.

[Admin has been alerted to the breach. No response.]

Patient 4-B pulls the Lifesurger(Patent Pending) off of the wall. She misfires into her chest and falls unconscious.

The MED-E prods her body with stimulants. There is no response.

Something is pressed up against the glass. It's cracking.

[Connection to this camera has been lost.]

[EXT. CAM A]

Dr. A. Kurosawa is seen standing over the corpse of an unidentified creature. Her hands are up as UESC-dispatched enforcers approach her. The Lifesurger(Patent pending) is strapped over her back.

Enforcer: IDENTIFY YOURSELF.

KUROSAWA: I AM DOCTOR KUROSAWA.

Enforcer: DOCTOR KUROSAWA. WHAT THE HELL IS THAT THING?

KUROSAWA: I DON'T KNOW. THERE ARE MORE INSIDE.

Enforcer: GET TO THE SHIP.

Three enforcers enter the facility. Dr. A. Kurosawa moves out of the FOV. The escorting MED-E follows her.

[Post analysis: Patient 4-B did not report to UESC authorities following this encounter. Her current location is unknown.]

Detective's Notes: I don't know how, but she somehow passed the genetic and facial recognition tests. Someone please let Captain ???? know about the background of his alleged "doctor". Although somehow I doubt he'll really care, seeing as how he's got some real screwballs on board.

[burinazar]

incomprehensible Sages shitposts. context explanations are in the tags but they are not going to help i promise