#no one understands how much ari and dante matter to me

[nhasablogg]

Jealous

Fandom: Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe

Characters: Ari/Dante

Summary: Ari tells Dante of a time he felt jealous.

A/N: Something short because I finally watched the movie and I missed them.

Words: 847

“I’ve never felt jealous before,” Ari said one day, the rain splattering against the windshield, different from the summer rain. He wasn’t used to spending autumn with Dante. Had only really seen his face during the summer. His face was paler when the sun wasn’t as strong, although autumns in El Paso were much different from autumns in Chicago, Dante had told him. The rain was merciful in the way it didn’t chill you to your core.

Dante took a sip of his beer, urging him to continue with his silence. Ari hadn’t meant to bring it up, but the booze was making him impulsive. “I think the word you’re looking for is relaxed,” Dante had once said with a laugh. And he was probably right. He wasn’t supposed to overthink every thought he had. Sometimes he just had to speak.

“I’ve never felt jealous before,” he repeated, turning his head toward the desert. “Until I saw you with Daniel.”

Dante didn’t say anything and Ari didn’t dare look at him. “I know it was my fault you were with him to begin with,” he continued, finding now that he’d started speaking he couldn’t stop. “I know I had no right to those feelings at the time. And I know in the grand scheme of things it doesn’t matter now.” He exhaled slowly, tightening his grip of his beer so that the can crackled. “And I know your, uh, interactions with him led to you being beat up. I’m sorry, it’s probably really stupid to think about it all and feel jealous.”

“Ari.” A finger on his jaw, forcing him to turn. Dante was smiling, always smiling, although there was something sad in his eyes too. “It’s okay. Feelings are supposed to be complicated.”

Ari had spent too many nights imagining Dante kissing Daniel, grinding up to him in an alleyway, back pressed to a wall. He’d imagined a different version of that too, before he’d found out what had happened. How replaceable he’d felt. How fucking stupid for causing that to happen.

“Ari.” Dante dragged out the word now, almost sang it. “Come back to me. Stop thinking about it.”

Ari shook his head. “Sorry.”

“There’s no need to apologize.”

“I knew I was lying in the car, when I told you kissing you didn’t work for me.” He grabbed Dante’s hand, brought it to his lips. “Maybe I didn’t fully understand it then, but seeing Daniel’s car in your driveway made me certain. And I got so angry because I didn’t know what to do. How to fix it.”

Dante hummed, extending one finger to caress Ari’s lips. “For what it’s worth, being with Daniel felt- wrong. I mean, it was fun to a certain extent. To experiment properly. But he wasn’t you, and I knew my heart wasn’t fully in it.” He pressed his other hand to Ari’s forehead. “You’re frowning.”

“Sorry.”

“Are you jealous still?”

“The idea of it isn’t very fun to imagine, that’s all.” He shook his head. “I know it’s stupid. I’m literally holding your hand.”

Dante laughed. “You’re cute when you’re jealous. I’m glad you told me.”

“Mm, you’re enjoying this a little too much.”

“Can you blame me?” Dante moved closer, all laughter lines. “You were jealous.”

Ari shoved his face away. “Oh, you better watch it, Dante Quintana.”

“Before what?” Dante’s smile had turned smug.

“I have my ways of taking you down a notch.”

“Is that so?” Dante leaned closer again, their faces mere inches apart. “Prove it then.”

“You sure you want that?”

“I want to see what you do, mostly.”

Ari could understand why he didn’t expect him to do it. Dante was still the more physical one, the more playful one. He’d probably forgotten that Ari knew about it, but it didn’t take long for him to catch on. A grab of his side. A squeeze, and another one. Not stopping even when Dante tried to move away. Laughter. Beautiful laughter reserved just for him.

“No, wait!” he cried, the car suddenly smaller. Ari was grateful they’d not brought Legs this time, as it gave Dante free reign to squirm and Ari just as much to follow. “This isn’t fahahair!” “I told you I have my ways,” Ari said with a laugh.

“Yeah, but tickling’s cheating!”

“How is it cheating?” Dante twisted and Ari went for his ribs, relishing in the way he tried to curl up and couldn’t fully. “I don’t remember us making rules.”

Dante changed tactics and leaned forward again, as if Ari couldn’t just go for the back of his ribs as he pressed his face into Ari’s chest, giggling still.

“You’re so cute,” he said. It had slipped out, but he didn’t regret it. Especially not when Dante groaned into his shirt, a telltale sign of him being embarrassed. Maybe Ari should speak more. It certainly had only done him good thus far.

As he pulled Dante closer, still poking at his skin, he had the thought that Daniel never had this. It was all Ari and Dante’s.

[williamaltman]

Ok so I've finally finished "Aristotle & Dante Dive into the Waters of the World" (a few days ago now).

I'm gonna start with: I got so fucking scared towards the end when they "broke up" and Dante didn't talk to him for weeks and left. God I think not many stories have ever made me feel like that. I think I actually have a bit of a trauma with one in particular that left me with that and, actually followed up on not giving me a happy ending.

I was tired but I wasn't sure how I was gonna sleep with that in my mind, until Ari said he was going to Paris and so I knew I could have some hope.

Tbh I had a few more issues with this one than the first. I talked about it before but I didn't really like how it sort of pushed the idea that you HAD to come out to your friends even if you don't feel ready. I also felt like sometimes there wasn't enough Dante? I like Ari's friends and all, but these books are called Aristotle AND DANTE.

I also feel like, in a way, all the characters are a bit too articulate? Maybe too mature even? In the first book I didn't mind it as much cause it was just Ari and Dante themselves, plus their moms I guess, but here Gina and Susie are more relevant and there's Cassandra and Ari's father talks a lot more and there's more stuff like his mom arguing with other people, and it was just like... Well I guess it would be nice if most people were like that in real life, but they're really not...

That aside though, it was obviously still amazing. One thing I liked was Ari actually being gay and that term being used throughout? I usually don't mind when certain characters are mlm without their specific sexuality being stated, and ofc bi/gay couples are nice too, but I feel like sometimes in fiction it ends up being a bit more rare to have couples with two gay guys even though that's what's more common in real life.

I also love how fucking horny he was a the beginning lol. Like this actually felt realistic, and even though there's no smut or anything, it's not something that's just ignored or pushed aside.

I felt like Dante felt a bit more realistic in this book. He's moody so many times and I think his flaws are more visible and so it feel less like he's just there to be Ari's perfect manic pixie dream girl (though I'll say he's still one, affectionately).

Something I thought when I finished the first book was how cool it would probably be to see their parents reacting to their relationship. And that was indeed really cute. I think Dante's mom is my favorite of them all. And on the topic of the parents, Ari's dad's death? That was a complete shock to me. I wasn't expecting it at all. It came out of nowhere but it was honestly really interesting to have Ari and his mom deal with that grief, and that whole section is probably, in a weird way, one of my favorite parts of the book.

Another interesting thing was how much the AIDS crisis in the backdrop affected the book. I remembered when they flashed to that in the movie and I was confused at how random it seemed, but now I can kinda get why. I thought it was the best they could do by making it matter to the characters even though they probably wouldn't and shouldn't be actually affected. It's kinda funny to me how I decided to read this sometime close to when I watched Fellow Travelers that also featured that into the story, cause it's honestly not something I've thought about as much before.

Something that was really important was the closure between Ari and his brother. I'm not gonna say it bothered me exactly, because it was understandable, but it was just always kind of an ick for me that Ari thought so much about him knowing he was there because he killed someone in a hate crime. So the way their reunion went down was actually perfect for me and gave me a much needed relief just like it did for Ari. I feel like the writer probably felt the need to address it too because of the stuff people were saying about the first book due to this plot point, but even if that was why I still felt like the way things were handled felt natural. Their parents had already given up on him, he was never gonna accept Ari and I didn't want for Ari to stay caring about him by just not telling him or something.

I know the ending is a bit vague and doesn't like reeally explain every little thing, but the message felt clear enough to me, in that it was meant to tell us that things will be alright and that they're not gonna just gonna let their love slip through their fingers or run away from it. Ari coming in with the wedding and honeymoon talk? Got me.

It still feels kinda weird that it's really over because it had honestly become so much of a habit to read these almost every day in bed. These books were probably the easiest thing for me to read and just flowed so naturally. I know people have already said that, but they really do feel like a way to celebrate life despite all the hardships about it and you can feel that love through the pages.

[sobspace]

ari and dante,

i put off reading this one since i was in high school. book nerds were a community, this novel, was the talk of town. 

i was kind of pretentious, still am, to refuse to consume anything being hyped up, refused to be swept up by the trends. i know it rings false, but that’s the way i lived til now, with my hypocrisy.

enough of that, this book had been sitting in my TBR for gods know how long. it’s been forever, ari and dante, cooped up in the margins of my memory. yes, ari’s line. fortunately, the novel had found its way to me again.

it felt a little too late to be reading this one. i wish i had read it as soon as i knew of it. i guess that’s one of the things i regret. it may sound dramatic, but i think reading this in high school might have saved me a little. it felt like i was intruding with the younger version of myself, as i was reading about ari and dante. 

a part of me had probably read this with the mind of a highschooler, ari’s anger welling up inside him inconsolable and unknowable. i felt myself deeply resonating with the melancholia it brings ari. how confronting it is just as bad as running away from it, and, you would not know anything of what to do other than live between the itch of those two urges. 

i liked how the novel tackled mostly the complexities of love, especially of those our parents’. they were grounded of their nature to love, which was one of the mysteries that ari and dante tries to solve. for ari, love was a weight, a pressure. for dante, it’s being himself in the world. 

i kept wondering, what was this secret of the universe they have found? i thought of it as something, probably rhetorical. as i try to gauge it, it’s not that too hard to understand. it could be about learning the secrets of your parents that they have been keeping from you all your life, learning about the reason of unfathomable anger and loneliness you feel excavating you from the inside, or it could be, just as be, learning about the affections you have always had for someone and learning there is nothing more profound than learning you are deeply loved by everyone you care about. that is the only universe that matters. and it frees you.

i wanted to write more about ari, his transition from not understanding love, to completely accepting its characteristics, good and bad, the people around him and especially of himself. how he’s just as capable of realizing it. and it’s a weight just as much as it’s something that can make you feel light as a wind. 

i love you, ari and dante.

you will be living in my head for quite a long time. 

and i hope both your love will extend beyond the life you had given within the premises of this novel. it probably already did.

i am hopeful, and you make me.

As Dante and I lay on our backs in the bed of my pickup and gazed out at the summer stars, I was free. Imagine that. Aristotle Mendoza, a free man.

August 17, 2023

[elletao]

i finally watched the aridante movie last night and i have Thoughts!! long ass post below (with spoilers of course)

i cried

ari mendoza boy of all time

dante quintana boy of all time too

we were never gonna get a perfect adaptation and i did like this and enjoyed it but part of me feels a bit let down because this had the potential of being great!! the love was there!! it had so much heart!! i just feel like the execution didn't quite work. i'll expand:

- the script oh lord the script. not terrible but some moments felt so forced and it really felt like they were trying to include as much from the novel as possible which, this being in film format, made some moments feel very awkward without the internal monologue.

- the pacing. (excluding the first 10 minutes which were perfect and made me believe this was gonna be a five star movie) everything kept happening and there was no time to process anything which YEAH I GET IT'S A MOVIE BUT STILL. maybe breaking the story into small chapters would've been more suitable? idk. i kept thinking about how a mini series would've worked so much better. many of the most important moments felt rushed and not earned.

- the EDITING!!! never forget never forgive how sloppy the editing was. it was obvious they had to change a lot during post-production and the movie suffered because of it. some conversations sounded so weird and stilted. the actors were very obviously mouthing stuff that did not end up making it in the movie and it made me cringe a lot.

- both of the kisses were... disappointing. the first one felt like a betrayal and i understand why they had to make a change like that to build tension but it still felt so out of character for ari to be so hurtful towards dante. him being mad at dante? sure. feeling out if his depth and snapping a little? normal. him calling dante a freak and saying he disgusts him?? no no no. no matter how much internalized homophobia ari had going on, HE WOULD NEVER. it was a cheap way to cause a ritf that was already there!!!! completely unnecesary and very cruel. the second kiss was cute but it was kinda badly filmed/scripted i don't care!! almost a decade waiting for the "no, you kiss me" and for that final conversation and it was totally... not worth it. i don't know how to explain but the butterflies just weren't there. it didn't feel earned at all. also why oh why did they cut out the "i love swimming and you" line earlier on!!! that was PIVOTAL!!! that was so so crucial for both of their personal arcs going forward: their isolation, the tension between them, dante's longing, ari's denial... it established dante as a character that confronts his feelings head on and it would've helped to show ari as an avoider, which in turn would've set the first kissing scene soo much better ugh.

- the cgi at he end??????? 😭

the good:

- ari's relationship with his family!!!!!!!! but especially with his aunt ofelia!!!!! yes thank u thank u thank u. so much love, so much closeness. it felt so truthful.

- max and had reese had SO MUCH CHEMISTRY!!! they gave it their all and their performances were good even if the script failed them a lot at times.

- the music and the 80s aesthetic!!! smalltown boy being the intro song!!!!! ahhhhhhh

- the voiceover worked really well in the scenes when dante is in chicago. i loved the juxtaposition of hearing dante's voice as other stuff was going on in el paso and i feel like it did a lot to show us that dante was always in ari's head even as he lived his life without him physically there.

- the cinematography!!!! the desert scenes were so beautifully filmed. really a gorgeous film.

- mm legs is adorable

- the fact that they made daniel an exact copy of ari is sad but also HILARIOUS and i appreciate it

- the emotional punches like ari's accident and the homophobic attack on dante were done really well and i felt chills when ari went to beat the hell out of that guy.

[cxandleriggs]

LET’S DIVE INTO THE WATERS OF THE WORLD THEN

[dongiovannaswife]

Baby you’re worth it | GioLena

first part to the two parts giorno’s birthday fic i wrote for this year!! this one is pretty sfw but please read the warnings ♥ 

CW: food mentions, mentions to past abuse (Giorno’s past), tiny bit of something suggestive, but it’s not even that clear.

part 1.      part 2. 

April 15th, 7:28 PM; Naples, Italy: Gerechtigkeit Law Firm.

Looking at the last intern as he leaves the law firm, Giorno shoves his hands inside his pockets, head thrown back as he sighs. The weight of the day falling upon him. It was never easy to handle cases that hit home, not when he had to witness the process all together: he couldn’t believe it kept happening, again and again. And again. Although it made his blood boil, all he could do was do his job, at least the one where he pretends to be normal man.

Of course, he is not.

Shaking those thoughts off his head as his phone buzzles right over his hand, he looks ahead, green eyes shining yellow as the light from the falling sun hits them, blinding him for a moment before his sight focuses on the multiple buildings around.

He watches the intern drive away, the red car getting lost into the river of cars.

And when his phone stops buzzing and the rage has subsided, he brings the device out of his pocket, looking at the screen as it lights up —the lock screen, a picture of his wife cuddling a sleeping Ares while the twins stare with big bright grins lights him up as he slides his thumb through the screen, reading over the text.

Lena ❀ ❀

Hey love, Franzese is here –he says he has news for us. Please come home as soon as you can, yes? Call me when you do. Miss you ♥

And he sighs, this time, out of yearning. A warm feeling spreads through his chest as he unlocks the device, tapping into the contacts and finding his wife’s number, he taps on it again. Putting the phone against his ear, he lets it ring as he walks up to his chair, picking his suit jacket, and throws it over his shoulder.

The third tone is cut off by the phone being picked up. “Giogio!” she greets, cheerfully. “How are you, babe?”

“I’m good,” he says, taking the elevator. A small smile lifts the corner of his lips as he presses the button to the first floor. “What about you, angel? Did he say anything else?”

She hums at the other side, “No, babe. But…” silence overtakes the call as the faint sound of the twins laughing resounds in the living room. “—I think it has something to do with the Foundation. It’s almost sure the medical branch is keeping something as top secret.”

He frowns, “Aren’t you the head of it here?”

She laughs, bitter. “Indeed I am. The foundation is all around the globe, but each location, to call it that, has its own head. I might be Italy’s head, but someone, from other location, is hiding something.”

“And what do you think it is?”

She hums again, disapproving this time. “Not sure, but I don’t like it. Perhaps Mike has something for us.”

“Yeah,” he nods even if she can’t see him. “I’ll be there in thirty.”

“Okay, handsome. Take care —and Gio?”

“Yes?” he mumbles as he exits the building, locking the doors.

“I love you.”

He smiles, the gesture taking him off guard. Feeling his cheeks warming up as he gets into the Jeep Wrangler, closing the door and leaning against the seat as he sighs, so dreamily. “You’re gonna be the death of me, cutie— “a chuckle rumbles through his chest as he checks the mirrors. “I love you too, I’ll be home soon. Don’t worry about it, yeah?”

She hums, contently. “Of course —together.”

“Always together.” He remarks, toying with the keys. “See you there.”

“See you, babe.”

The call ends. And the rest, is silence.

 Giovanna’s mansion —right after the call.

“Well, that went better than I thought.” Westwood laughs as the Donna puts down the phone. “Though, didn’t you get too engulfed with that lie?”

She nods, feeling the faint sense of guilt rise up. “True, but you know he’ll realize if we don’t distract him with something else.”

“I mean,” Mista gestures around with Jovi’s stuffed animal —like he always does with his gun— as he interjects into the conversation. Jovi staring up at him as he speaks. “You already distracted him for a whole month, Lena. That’s a big accomplishment.”

“You two are too smart, but sometimes I wonder how the— how you get to trick each other.” Westwood comments again, tilting his head to the side.

Playfully rolling her eyes, Lena responds. “We just know each other really well.”

Fugo hums, speaking for the first time. The way he stares into the floor as he nods repeatedly giving a comical tone to his words. “That you do, it’s almost scary.”

“Yup” Mista and Westwood nod and talk at the same time, agreeing with Purple Haze’s user.

“Besides,” Bocelli joins in, holding Dante in his arms as he takes a nap after being fed. “If they get to trick each other that shows how well they work together.”

“Thank you, Dr. Bocelli.” Lena smiles at the old man, walking up to the kitchen with Fugo trailing behind. “Well, gentlemen, time to get ready. This surprise party won’t throw itself.”

“Lena,” Mista screams in a whisper. When she looks around he points at his arms, noticing how Jovi has made himself a bundle by the gunslinger’s side, “I can’t get up. Mini Giogio volume two is asleep.”

She chuckles, “Then stay there, take care of him, please?”

He hums and she goes back to the kitchen.

As Fugo, Lena and Vivienne set the tables with food and cake around the living room, time quickly goes by between laughter and warm conversation.

Suddenly, Pietro’s exaggerated coughing can be heard from the door as it remains closed due to his signal —although not so discrete, it does let the group know Giorno is there.

Gathering around the tables, the group grins as the door opens and Giorno steps in, freezing in his place as he sees them all around. The big birthday sign board hanging from the top of the stairs reads ‘Happy birthday, Giogio!’ —the bright smiles from the people in the room light him up.

And his wife, in the middle of them all, with Jovi on her hip as Mista holds Dante tears a chuckle from him as he steps into the room, grinning with pure joy. Greetings and hugs soon find him and he receives each with the same gratitude, thanking them as they wish the best for him.

Bocelli’s eyes are warm as he pats his back, mumbling how much he’s grow up since he met him when Giorno was only seventeen; and it makes the lump in his throat grow. Westwood’s joke makes him laugh wholeheartedly. Vittorio tries to lift him off the ground with his hug, but he ends up lifting him instead in between the laughter from the men around him. Vivienne’s gentle eyes as she gives him a friendly hug makes him calm down.

Looking around, the sight of the family he’s chosen spending a good time makes him sigh.

It’s the first time someone throws a surprise birthday party for him —that he realizes as he finally stands before his wife, whose eyes glint with happiness and love as she looks up at him. The boy in her arms calls for him, muttering dada again and again.

Pinching the boy’s cheek as Mista silently steps in to give him Dante, Giorno mutters a thank you before he’s looking back at Lena through commoved eyes.

“Happy birthday, babe.” Lena mutters as he leans in for a short kiss. She frowns as she pulls back, tasting the sour taste of the single tear that fell from his eye when he kissed her. “Gio?” she mumbles, trying to understand his reaction.

“No — ‘m okay.” He murmurs, leaning his forehead on hers as the twins stare at them with big, curious eyes. Perhaps surprised with Giorno’s tears. But curious. “Thank you, doll. You… You went through all this for me and I…” he chuckles, the sound both happy and deeper due to the lump in his throat. “I’m speechless.” His eyes close and he allows himself a moment of vulnerability, surrounded only by the people who matter the most to him —although some of them are missing, he’s sure they’re there by spirit.

“Baby,” Lena calls in a whisper, cupping his face with one hand after making sure the baby in her arms won’t be crushed by her grip around him as she tries to hold him tighter in order to do so. Giorno’s eyes open slowly, finding her again, expecting. “You’re worth it.” She finishes, smiling up at him through pink cheeks and kind light brown eyes.

“I hate to interrupt, lovebirds.” Vittorio steps in, carrying a laptop with an ongoing video call. “But you’ve got someone who wants to see you.”

The screen lights up, showing Ariel and Rohan —both with warm smiles as they greet him at the same time; “Happy birthday, Giorno!”

The Don smiles, reaching a hand out to wipe off his tears. With a smile and red eyes, he faces the couple. “Thank you, Ariel, Han.” He then looks down at the bump, adding with a humorous tone on it. “Ellie.”

Ariel chuckles, shaking her head as Rohan speaks up. “Sorry, Gio. You know Ellie could be here in any moment —we don’t want to risk it.”

Giorno hums, nodding at the same time. “I understand, don’t worry. Take care, yes? I’m sure there will be more time to be together, As Bocelli likes to say, there’s more time than life.”

Ariel nods, “Thank you for understanding. I’m sure we’ll get to catch up pretty soon.” Although her words hold a secret, Giorno still pretends not to catch on it, aware of his wife’s intuition.

“Of course,” he plays along, stealing a glance at Rohan as he gives him a quick smile. “Thank you for taking the time to be here, guys. Sorry if the time zone made it hard for you.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Rohan dismisses it with a gesture, giving him a grin as Lena disappears from his side to retrieve something from her purse.

“Right now, Gio.” Ari’s eyebrows arch as she gestures at Lena, now back at his side. “You should open your gift.”

Setting the laptop in the table, Vittorio sits down at the couch, holding a glass of Horchata —his face one pure of joy as he mumbles how he gets why Giorno likes it so much after trying it at Lena’s mom restaurant, but quickly stopping his soliloquy when Fugo slaps his arm, attention back at the couple.

With Jovi trying to take the envelope from her, Lena gives Giorno the small envelope, a bright grin making her features light up.

“Oh?” taking it gently from her, he looks behind him, sitting down as soon as he finds an empty seat. Setting Dante on his lap comfortably, Giorno’s fingers make quick work to open it, taking the contents out. Unfolding the paper, he reads over it quickly, eyes scanning over the words as Dante’s eyes do the same —but instead, the boy is enthralled with the colors and drawings in the paper.

“Lena?” he asks, looking up at her. “What does this picture of Australia mean?”

She grins, “What’s on the picture, baby?”

He looks back at it, taking into it. “An apartment, I believe.”

She laughs, “Surprise, handsome.”

He freezes for the second time in the day. “The couples’ getaway…?”

She shakes her head, with Vittorio laughing in the background (after all, it wasn’t every day that he got to see Giorno so expressive). “That was a distraction, your gift is this birthday party and the apartment.” She presses her lips together by the end, blinking slowly. Like a cat, he thinks, finding the message behind her gesture clear.

His fingers fly to his chin, where he rubs distractedly as he thinks about it for a second, catching on her plan quickly. “You tricked me with the planning the getaway by yourself thing —distracted me with Franzese’s visit and… It’s not even my birthday yet. Which means that you’re planning on leaving today so we get there tomorrow?”

She nods and Vittorio claps, congratulating him in a mocking tone before Pietro glares at him —Square Hammer’s user shuts up quickly upon his husband’s rage.

Giorno smirks, “Well, then we have a party to celebrate —and a flight to take.”

“Thank you for taking care of them, Dr. Bocelli, Mista, Vivienne.”

“Of course, Don.” Bocelli bows his head, “You deserve a break. I’ve seen you work a lot.” He looks between the couple, “Both of you, in fact, have been working way too much.”

“Eh,” Mista rubs the back of his head, “Just bring me a souvenir and it’ll be good.”

Vivienne nods, mesmerized as Jovi shows her his stuffed animals, almost like he’s showing them off —not so far from them, Dante drifts off in Mista’s shoulder.

“You should go now that they are calm,” Vivienne suddenly speaks up, seeing the boys so calm. “We will take care of them —rest assured.”

“Thank you. Viv.” Lena smiles at the woman as she steps closer, kissing Jovi’s forehead and then, walking up to Dante, she repeats the motion before Giorno does it too.

“See you soon, Gio —happy birthday.”

[gaylonelydyke]

literally skip past this it doesnt matter, i am simply ranting about how much i love ari mendoza

i know literally no one cares but i made aristotle mendoza in a picrew and 🥺🥺🥺 LOOK AT HIM!

my absolute favourite boy, my comfort character 🥺 i read ari and dante when i was 14 online, it my first ever lgbt book and i liked it so much that i had to scan the covers of it to make sure they didnt mention anything gay so i could get my mum to order it for me. i read it for a second time during my first relationship which was bAD and i felt so alone but i had this book 🥺🥺 ive reread it a few times since then, every time i read a book i suddenly get a need to read this again and so my reading pattern is usually a book, then ari and dante, and then another book, and ari and dante again, i just love it so much. i get something new from it every time i read it. first it was being the first gay love story id ever read in a book (other than malec but that books garbage), the second time it was how alone ari is and how he finds his community and identity, the third time was the second half of the book which i normally overlook, as i was having my first HINTS at sexual experiences and seeing how he dealt with his omg its hitting me now, being so confused over feeligs u have for ur friend and thinking you hate them at times, i was older then so each time i read it i was growing up a bit more and finding myself in those same spots ari finds himself in at those ages. his relationship with his family and his culture resonates so deeply with me and im not even mexican im white and british,but coz of being brought up mormon i sort of feel a similar way about my culture to how dante does, of course its not the same at all but its just funny how each read something new hits me. i temember reading a review of it before i read it and someone said they hated ari at first and it takes time to warm to him because hes mean to everyone but man they just didnt understand him at all. i love him so wholely, i feel his love, his confusion, his constant anger, i feel so similar to him in that way im a very angry person and honestly i have reason to be and so does he! im gonna read it again soon its been too long. anyway i have so much love for this book im so nervous for the second one, and also for the movie that will eventually come out because what if it warps my opinion of it? this book really has made me who i am today, it is my life support when things get bad 😅😅😅 i have literally grown during my teens years reading this and relating to different parts of his life as i go through them MAN! i am not okay huh :)

[melroesplace]

Gonna steal your question and ask for your top 10 ships of all time for Valentine's Day :D

Ok this is super late (and also super fucking long) because it took forever to narrow down my top 100 ships to only 10, but here we go:

1. Ron & Hermione (Harry Potter)

My very first OTP and still my favorite.  Their slow burn development from enemies to friends to lovers makes this the best relationship of the entire HP franchise.  Haters can deny it all they want, but these 2 have always and will always belong together.  Harry & Hermione would be together if Ron wasn’t around?  Nope, Hermione and Harry was pining for Ron when he was away in Deathly Hollows.  Ron & Hermione will get divorced because of their arguments?  Lol you thought, they are planning to renew their vows after 20 years of marriage.  I’m sort of gloating now, but Idc because this is one of the very few endgame ships I have.

2. Zuko & Katara (A:TLA)

In the exact opposite of what happened with Romione, this was my first ship that wasn’t canon and the first one to make me cry angry tears over the fact.   Zutara introduced me to the dark side of my fangirl, engaging in shipping wars, hating on Bryke for not getting them together even tho I should’ve known it was never gonna happen.  I’m not proud of everything my preteen self did in the Avatar fandom, but *tune of God Bless the USA* I’m proud to be a Zutarian, where at least there’s fans like me  They are twin flames, 2 sides of the same coin, and forever friends.  Plus, Dante Basco and Mae Whitman shipped them, so neener neener neener.  (Sorry, my 12 yr old fangirl came out a bit)

3. Katniss & Peeta (The Hunger Games)

#RelationshipGoals  That is all.  Ok, not really.  I love seeing a hardened badass fighter like Katniss with such a gentle soul like Peeta.  He is her anchor, she is his passion, and I am their bitch.  No matter how many times I read the books or watch the movies, I fall to pieces over them in the best way.  And to think when I first started reading the books, I was convinced Peeta would end up dead because all the signs seemed to be pointing that way.  I’ve never been so glad to be wrong in my life.

4. Magnus & Alec (Shadowhunters)

Let me start this off with #SaveShadowhunters.  I will miss Malec, I will miss the Malec fandom and I will especially miss the showrunners being so lovely to the fans.  After being disappointed by JKR, Bryke, Plec, and Shonda, it is such a relief to feel validated by a creator.  Todd, Darren, and Matt Hastings are real supporters of the LGBT community who actually listen to fans’ concerns and fight to include as much diversity as they can get away with.  I’ve never watched a show that treated an interracial same sex couple the same (or imo better) as all the other couples.  Magnus & Alec had me at “Who are you?” with their amazing chemistry.  I love one badass shadowhunter/warlock team who are also adorable boyfriends.

5. Jackie & Hyde (That 70s Show)

Sigh…..what could have been.  I will never understand how the writers could throw out such an amazing relationship after so many years together.  Jackie & Hyde are the epitome of the Opposites Attract trope.  Hyde is a sarcastic little shit and Jackie is a materialistic snob and they love each other exactly as they are.  He keeps her grounded and she makes him open up.  Since I don’t consider season 8 canon, I like to imagine Hyde opening up his own record shop in Chicago so that Jackie could pursue her dream.  They’re still together.

6. Isak & Even (Skam)

Just look at these pure babies!  You should really watch this show if you haven’t already.  I think you would love them and I don’t mind spoiling that they’re endgame so you don’t have to worry about that.  Evak probably have the hottest chemistry of everyone on this list, but they’re also 100% soft boyfriends.

7. Bonnie & Jeremy (Vampire Diaries)

TVD is responsible for at least a quarter of my ships, but Beremy was my first OTP from the show.  After watching everyone treat Bonnie like little more than a magic wand for over a year, it was nice to see someone want her simply for her.  Jeremy didn’t care about what Bonnie could do for him, he genuinely admired her strength and morals.  Bonnie stopped seeing him as her best friend’s kid brother and saw him for the hot, strong protector he is.  I will never forgive the writers for ruining their relationship twice, but I still head canon that Bonnie & Jeremy reunited as adults.

8. Harry & Uma (Descendants)

My favorite thing about Huma is that Harry is a hook wielding maniac who is also completely head over heels in love with Uma, a beautiful black girl who is Captain of their pirate crew.  He is unapologetic in how utterly devoted he is to her and even tho she keeps her feelings close to the vest, it is obvious Uma has a soft spot for her First Mate.  My least favorite thing about Huma is that despite the overwhelming evidence, I still don’t know if they’re an actual couple.  I hope D3 clears that up.

9. Dante & Ari (Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe)

*There are plenty of amazing fan art of them, I just couldn’t decide which one to post*

You should read this book if you haven’t already, it classic coming-of-age queer literature.  Ari is an introverted smart ass kid with no friends until he meets cinnamon roll Dante.  These are my favorite type of relationships to see/read, especially when its a slow burn like this.  Idk what else to say other than how much I love these two makes my heart ache in a good way.  Right after finishing the book, I went back and reread my favorite parts.

10. Kelly/Yorkie (Black Mirror)

My favorite wlw ship only appears on 1 episode of a tv anthology, that’s how amazing they are.  I relate so much to Yorkie, uncomfortable in my own skin and socially awkward.  All I want is someone like Kelly who can bring me out of my shell, but still love me for who I am.  Their relationship honestly gives me hope that even someone like me (with little relationship experience) can maybe find love.  You know, if I ever leave my damn house for anything other than work.

[bookishreviewsblog]

Benjamin Alire Sáenz: Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe | Lara

Aristotle is an angry teen with a brother in prison. Dante is a know-it-all who has an unusual way of looking at the world. When the two meet at the swimming pool, they seem to have nothing in common. But as the loners start spending time together, they discover that they share a special friendship—the kind that changes lives and lasts a lifetime. And it is through this friendship that Ari and Dante will learn the most important truths about themselves and the kind of people they want to be.

His whole life, Ari has been haunted by the hollow feeling of missing. He has always felt like he missed something, and that made him angry. It’s weird, being angry and having no one and nothing to turn that anger against. Ari loves his family very much, but they are all far from perfect. Ari’s father went to war at Vietnam when Ari was little, and the experience changed him – he has a lot of sour moods and likes to keep quiet, and he doesn’t want to talk about his traumas. Ari has two sisters and a brother, but they’re all more than 10 years older than him, so feels more like they’re his relatives, rather than siblings. His mother is really kind and loves him infinitely, but she’s complicated and tends to burry things that are hard to talk about. Namely, Ari’s brother ended up in prison when Ari was 4, and the whole family is more likely to pretend he’s dead, rather than explaining the matter to Ari. “I had a feeling there was something wrong with me. I guess I was a mystery even to myself.” Angel Aristotle Mendoza is what you get when you mix a complicated family with a fifteen-year-old who’s still trying to find himself in the world. He likes to keep to himself, as he’s been so persistently taught by his family’s behavior. One day he meets Dante at a swimming pool and universe grants him with nothing less than a bunch of problems and jumbles of emotion. This was a really cute book full of love and understanding, showing difficulties that can emerge between people that care for each other very much. Being a teenager isn’t easy, and anger and sense of eternal loneliness are infrequently present in the process of one’s maturing. This is a story of Ari’s maturing and growing on a spiritual level, following the mystery of his brother and finding love that was considered rather uncommon back then. I loved Ari’s supportive and loving, and yet complicated family. They were definitely the best part of this book and Ari’s story. Even though I liked its concept and all that, I didn’t find myself actually hardcore enjoying the story. It’s very readable and easy to get lost in characters thoughts and problems, but the thing… that’s the only thing it’s composed of. No matter how much I liked interactions and writing style, the plot was weak and too slow for my measures. It’s all a bit too poetic and philosophic, but I don’t know what else could I have expected from a book called Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe xd The best part about this book was Ari, the rest of it didn’t catch my attention as nearly as his character. I just loved his sense of humor, his “I actually don’t give a fuck about anything but I WILL fight you because I can” attitude and a silent way he deals with the storm inside of him. I didn’t care about Dante at all, except for his role in Ari’s happiness, and let’s not forget the best good boy Legs xd The romance part was adorable and their love is something really special, although my thoughts weren’t focused on the two of them until the very end of the book. I was so caught up in Ari’s family drama and his inner dilemma’s that I almost forgot they were supposed to end up together. So their relationship kind of came out of the blue, guess that’s what happens when you over-analyze a good character :P “I had a rule that it was better to be bored by yourself than to be bored with someone else. I pretty much lived by that rule. Maybe that's why I didn't have any friends.”

[onhellandhighwater]

The Different Rules Of Summer

One

‘The problem with my life was that it was someone else’s idea.’

‘One summer night I fell asleep, hoping the world would be different when I woke.’

‘As far as I was concerned, the sun could have melted the blue right off the sky. Then the sky could be as miserable as I was’

‘Monday, June fifteenth, 1987!’

‘For the music to be over so soon. For the music to be over when it had just begun. That was really sad.’

Two

‘“Fifteen-year-olds don’t qualify as people.”’

‘I hated being volunteered. The problem with my life was that it was someone else’s idea.’

‘I decided to go swimming at the Memorial Park pool. It was a small idea. But at least the idea was mine.’

Four

‘All on my own. I was in love with that phrase.’

‘Not that I really believed in my mom’s phase theory. It didn’t sound like an explanation - it sounded like an excuse.’

‘It was better to be alone and miserable. It was better to drown.’

‘That’s when I heard his voice, kind of squeaky. “I can teach you how to swim.”’

‘I had a rule that it was better to be bored by yourself than to be bored with someone else.’

‘I kind of liked his voice. He sounded like he had a cold, you know, like he was about to lose his voice.’

‘“What are you allergic to?” “The air,” he said. That made me laugh.’

‘“My name’s Dante,” he said. That made me laugh harder. “Sorry,” I said. “It’s okay. People laugh at my name.” “No, no,” I said. “See, it’s just that my name’s Aristotle.”’

‘We laughed again. We couldn’t stop. I wondered what it was we were laughing about. Was it just our names? Were we laughing because we were relieved? Were we happy? Laughter was another one of life’s mysteries.’

‘“I was ashamed of myself for being ashamed of myself. I didn’t like that.”’

‘I liked the way he said Nice to meet you, Ari. Like he meant it.’

‘Water was something he loved, something he respected. He understood its beauty and its dangers. He talked about swimming as if it were a way of life. He was fifteen years old. Who was this guy?’

‘He was disciplined and tough and knowledgeable and he didn’t pretend to be stupid and ordinary. He was neither of those things.’

‘He was funny and focused and fierce. I mean the guy could be fierce. And there wasn’t anything mean about him. I didn’t understand how you could live in a mean world and not have any of that meanness rub off on you. How could a guy live without some meanness?’

‘Dante became one more mystery in a universe full of mysteries.’

‘I had this idea that Dante read because he liked to read. Me, I read because I didn’t have anything else to do.’

‘We laughed. We always laughed.’

‘Then I got this idea. “Let’s ride the bus and see what’s out there.”’

‘We both fell in love with riding the bus.’

‘That really made me smile. I’d never heard anyone say that about their parents. I mean, no one was crazy about their parents. Except Dante.’

‘We made up stories about the other bus riders.

For all we knew, they were writing stories about us.’

‘Boys. I watched them. Studied them.’

‘But for some reason the whole thing fascinated me, how you could get a heart to start again. I didn’t quite understand the science of it.’

‘Why couldn’t he just talk? How was I supposed to know him when he didn’t let me? I hated that.’

‘I wasn’t wildly popular. How could I be? In order to be wildly popular you had to make people believe that you were fun and interesting. I just wasn’t that much of a con artist.’

‘I was good in a fight. So people left me alone. I was mostly invisible. I think I liked it that way. And then Dante came along.’

Five

‘He seemed like a man who was in love with being alive.’

‘Dante’s father didn’t have any darkness in him. Even his black eyes seemed to be full of light.’

‘I’d heard that phrase, nice to meet you, a thousand times. When Dante had said it to me, he’d sounded real. But when I said it, I felt stupid and unoriginal. I wanted to hide somewhere.’

‘It was a big room with a high ceiling and wood floors and lots of old windows to let in the light. There was stuff everywhere. Clothes spread all over the floor, a pile of old albums, books scattered around, legal pads with stuff written on them, Polaroid photographs, a couple of cameras, a guitar without any strings, sheet music, and a bulletin board cluttered with notes and pictures.’

‘“Inscrutable.” I knew when I went home, I would have to look up the word.’

‘I felt like such a fraud, using that word. Maybe that was the thing about me. I wasn’t a real boy. I was a fraud.’

‘That was interesting - that he had secrets.’

‘Some poems were easier than others. Some were inscrutable. I was thinking that maybe I did know the meaning of that word.’

‘I got to thinking that poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just didn’t get - and never would get.’

‘Dante’s world had order.’

‘He was so perfect in his newly organized room, the western sun streaming in, his face in the light and the book in his hand as if it was mean to be there, in his hands, and only his hands.’

‘I liked his voice as he read the poem as if he had written it: He’s dead the dog won’t have to sleep on the potatoes anymore to keep them from freezing he’s dead the old bastard-’

‘When Dante read the word “bastard” he smiled. I knew he loved saying it because it was a word he was not allowed to use, a word that was banned. But here in his room, he could read that word and make it his.’

‘I didn’t worry about understanding them. I didn’t care about what they meant. I didn’t care because what mattered is that Dante’s voice felt real. And I felt real.’

‘Until Dante, being with other people was the hardest thing in the world for me. But Dante made talking and living and feeling seem like all those things were perfectly natural. Not in my world, they weren’t.’

‘That afternoon, I learned two new words. “Inscrutable.” And “friend.”’

‘Words were different when they lived inside you.’

Six

‘My dad glanced at my mom. I think they were smiling at each other. Yeah, they were thinking, he’s finally found a friend. I hated that.’

‘He and my mother exchanged glances. My mom and dad did a lot of that. They liked to talk without talking. I made up things about what they said to each other with those looks.’

‘I could almost see his mind working as he thought of a convincing argument. A convincing argument that was true.’

‘See, I didn’t get my dad. I could never guess how he would react to things. Not ever.’

Seven

‘“You are smart, Ari. Very smart. And anyway, being smart isn’t everything. People just make fun of you. My dad says it’s all right if people make fun of you. You know what he said to me? He said, ‘Dante, you’re an intellectual. That’s who you are. Don’t be ashamed of that.’”’

‘I noticed his smile was a little sad. Maybe everyone was a little sad. Maybe so.’

‘“Ari, I’m trying not to be ashamed.”’

‘I knew what it was like to be ashamed. Only, Dante knew why. And I didn’t.’

‘Dante. I really liked him. I really, really liked him.’

Eight

‘And because of that book, I learned something new about my father. He’d studied art before he joined the Marines. That seemed not to fit with the picture I had of my father. But I liked the idea.’

‘So I just collected clues. Watching my father read that book was another clue in my collection. Some day all the clues would come together. And I would solve the mystery of my father.’

Ten

‘Somewhere away from the lights of the city. Light pollution. That’s what Dante called it. Dante seemed to know a great deal about light pollution.’

‘We all wanted to see what Dante was seeing.’

‘When I looked through the telescope, Dante began explaining what I was looking at. I didn’t hear a word. Something happened inside me as I looked out into the vast  universe. Through that telescope the world was closer and larger than I’d ever imagined. And it was all so beautiful and overwhelming and - I don’t know - it made me aware that there was something inside of me that mattered.’

‘As Dante was watching me search the sky through the lens of a telescope, he whispered, “Someday, I’m going to discover all the secrets of the universe.”  That made me smile. “What are you going to do with all those secrets, Dante?” “I’ll know what to do with them,” he said. “Maybe change the world.”                 I believed him.”

‘Dante Quintana was the only human being I’d ever known that could say a thing like that. I knew that he would never grow up and say stupid things like, “a girl is like a tree.”’

‘“Too much light pollution,” he said. “Too much light pollution,” I answered.”’

Eleven

‘One more important fact about Dante: He didn’t like wearing shoes.’

‘I don’t know why but I just started laughing. The truth is that I got to like the war Dante was having with shoes.’

‘“I don’t like them. That’s it. That’s all. There’s no big secret here. I was born not liking them.”’

‘“You know, wearing shoes is an unnatural act. That’s my basic premise.”’

‘Sometimes he talked like a scientist or a philosopher.’

‘He reached over and unlaced my tennis shoes as he talked. “Take off your shoes, Ari. Live a little.”’

‘“Did anybody ever tell you that sometimes you talk like a lunatic who speaks perfect English?”’

‘“No,” Dante said, “the fun is in the game. It’s everywhere.”’

‘“And not only that - what if a car comes along?” “We move out of the way. And besides, we could play in the park.” “The street’s more fun,” I said. “Yeah, the street’s more fun.” We agreed on something.’

‘I looked back at him. I knew I didn’t have a chance. I knew we were going to play the game according to his rules. But the truth is, it mattered to Dante. And to me, it didn’t matter so much.’

‘“You’re the only kid in the entire universe who could come up with a game as an excuse to beat the holy crap out of his tennis shoes.”’

‘I studies Dante’s face as he threw his tennis shoes with all his strength. His father was right. Dante had found a game as an excuse to beat the crap out of his tennis shoes.’

Twelve

‘Dante was staring at his feet. That made me smile.’

‘He had this thing about telling the truth. He was as bad as my dad. Except my dad kept the truth to himself. And Dante believed you had to tell the truth in words. Out loud.Tell someone.’

‘I laughed. I got to thinking that one of my jobs in the world was to laugh at Dante’s jokes. Only Dante didn’t really say things to be funny. He was just being himself.’

‘He looked crazed. Really crazed.’

‘I guess I was just afraid these guys were going to hurt Dante. I just said what I felt I had to say.’

‘Dante looked down at the dead bird. A few minutes ago he’d been mad as hell. Now, he looked like he was going to cry.’

‘We both knew that we were mad for different reasons.’

‘And then he started to cry. I didn’t know what to do. I just stood there and watched him.’

‘He tossed his tennis shoes across the street with all his might and anger. He wiped the tears from his face.’

‘“Were you scared?” he asked. “No.” “I was.” “So?”’

‘“Birds exist to teach us things about the sky.”

‘I wanted to tell him not to cry anymore, tell him that what those boys did to that bird didn’t matter. But I knew it did matter. It mattered to Dante. And, anyway, it didn’t do any good to tell him not to cry because he needed to cry. That’s the way he was.’

‘Dante was crying again. And I felt mean because I didn’t feel like crying. I didn’t really feel anything for the bird. It was a bird. Maybe it didn’t deserve to get shot by some stupid kid whose idea of fun was shooting at things. But it was still just a bird.’

‘I was harder than Dante. I think I’d tried to hide that hardness from him because I’d wanted him to like me. But now he knew. That I was hard. And maybe that was okay. Maybe he could like the fact that I was hard just as I liked the fact that he wasn’t hard.’

‘There was a tear running down his cheek. It seemed like a river in the light of the setting sun.’

‘I wondered what it was like, to be the kind of guy that cried over the death of a bird.’

‘As I walked home I thought about birds and the meaning of their existence. Dante had an answer. I didn’t. I didn’t have any idea as to why birds existed. I’d never even asked myself the question.’

‘Dante’s answer made sense to me. If we studied birds, maybe we could learn to be free. I think that’s what he was saying. I had a philosopher’s name. What was my answer? Why didn’t I have an answer?’

‘And why was it that some guys had tears in them and some had no tears at all? Different boys lived by different rules.’

‘I thought of Dante and wondered about him. And it seemed to me that Dante’s face was a map of the world. A world without any darkness. Wow, a world without any darkness. How beautiful was that?’

[geeko-kat]

My brain: no one loves you and there's nothing to live for and you fucked up today lol

Me: actually I have many things to live for let's start with the good people in my life;

My best friend Lauren who I met in 6th grade and is literally one of the highlights of my life she's been through so much with me

My boyfriend Felix whom I love so much and I trust with all my heart and who supports me through everything no matter what

My friend Erica who I also met in 6th grade and whom I've had fun times with and is just a good friend overall

My friend Paulina who is funny to hang out with and really sweet and kind sometimes

My friend Esme who's really funny but also kind and will listen to you when needed

My friend Fabi who's smart with like everything and sophisticated but also sweet and understanding and bought me a Maki chain!!!

My friend Raisa who is my number one supporter in my relationships and who's so funny

My friend Alana who I'm starting to know better who's funny and smart and mature

My friend Kaiden who got me into Love Live and is lowkey dumb but has big heart energy

My friend Rocky who's a bit brutally honest but still amazing and really loving

My friend Matt who is so intelligent and helps me see the logic in life while also being sweet

My friend Alaina who's very funny and easy to talk to

My friends in the CR group chat I made on discord y'all are so funny and lighten up my day honestly like I love talking to y'all

My little sister who is so loving and caring and intelligent and has a very big heart for someone so young

My mutuals on here whom I don't talk to a lot but are amazing people that I'm glad to know and follow

The people who read my fanfiction, giving it comments and kudos y'all rock

And of course brain it isn't JUST good people in my life I live for I also have

Animals of all shapes and sizes!! Literally like why be sad when you can remember that fluffy cows and swimming iguanas and moths and butterflies and BIRDS exist!!!

Bodies of water like lakes and rivers and streams they're pretty and calming and relaxing to look at

All of the interests I have like Love Live and Cookie Run and Gorillaz and all the books that warmed your heart and movies that made you think and songs that changed your life !!m

Markers and crayons and pens and stationary!! Cute stationary!!

Flannels!!!! Hawaiian Shirts!!!! Cute gay clothing!!!

Being LGBT in general and being in a community about love and inspiration and being yourself

Tan France!! Is!! In!! This!! World!! And all the other Queer Eye guys!! They're here to help too man!! They wouldn't want you being sad!!

There are so many things coming out like the new Ari and Dante sequel and new animated movies that are going to be amazing and fun

Reminder that Rupphire and Korrasami are canon you're welcome

Yoshiko?? Exists?? The most amazing and perfect girl like yes

So brain you're stupid and I have a lot to live for and I shouldn't fret about past mistakes when I'm growing as a person and learning how to be better. People can grow and change and awknoledging and speaking out about your mistakes rather than mourn them forever will always make you a more intelligent and healthy person. People make mistakes but what defines us is what we do with them and how we react to them. By learning what my mistake was and attempting to fix it already I'm a good person who's only trying to help everyone in the best way.

Anyway I'm learning how to love myself and I think this post helped a lot ❤️

[happyblueriver-blog]

Life Changing Books You Should Add To Your Bucket List

Books are well… They are pretty much a way of expression, a type of art. The characters, the plot, doesn’t matter if its young adult, sci-fi, horror, classic or romance the majority are complex and different.

Personally I’m a book worm and love to read. Since I have memory I’ve always had a book in my hands. While I’ve been growing up, many books have changed me as a person and influenced the one I am today. Whenever it was the plot, the writing style, the characters, the location, something from the following books have a very special place in my heart.

(This list does not have a specific order, meaning 1-4 highest to lowest. I love all of the following books so I’m not putting one book on top of the other, they are all unique and incredible in their own way).

 Aristotle and Dante discover the secrets of the universe – Benjamin Alire Sáenz

The book is about Ari, a boy who keeps to himself, often self-doubts and has a brother in jail he knows nothing about and then there’s Dante, smart, poem loving and artistic boy. When they both meet and become friends, Dante slowly starts to break Ari’s shell which he has built for so long and starts to discover himself and the ways of the world.

 From the beginning I knew this book was going to become one of my favorites. The way the plot unfolds around the characters and their decisions is just…. Incredible. I have no words to explain how amazing it was to read this book, and finish it seeing the world in a different way. It’s beautifully, poetically written, telling Ari and Dante’s story as they pass from being teenagers to becoming young adults and living through real life situations young people experience these days. The friendship between Ari and Dante is very deep and caring, not cliché or forced and simply out of the box. It’s those rare and special friendships that don’t involve words but actions.

(Image taken from Tumblr.)

 Favorite Quote: “I got to thinking that poems were like people. Some people you got right off the bat. Some people you just didn't get--and never would get.”

 Looking for Alaska – John Green

 Miles Halter (whose nicknamed Pudge) is new to Culver Creek Boarding School and is thrown into a world of mystery, friendship, discoveries, mischief, love and lies everything that his life before wasn’t. Then there’s Alaska Young, smart, cunning and book loving Alaska is a human hurricane. Inexistent family, smoker and a drinker she intends to follow a self-destructive path. And somehow Pudge falls right into her orbit, leaving his heart open and changing him forever.

  Philosophical and honest, this book brought out the tears in me. The way the author created and showed Alaska’s personality was very real. The way life and death is brought to light in this book is brutally honest and open, so if you’re seeking a book that is not the popular - nerd School cliché I definitely recommend this one.

Drawing by Folkloor

 Favorite Quote: “Imagining the future is a kind of nostalgia. (...) You spend your whole life stuck in the labyrinth, thinking about how you'll escape it one day, and how awesome it will be, and imagining that future keeps you going, but you never do it. You just use the future to escape the present.”

 The Help – Kristen Stockett

A story set in the 60s in Jackson, Mississippi, this story is one to behold. Abileen Clark, a black maid who is raising a white child, can no longer hold back her bitterness against the way black people are treated. Minny Jackson, who seemingly never holds her bitterness back even though she tries to, starts working for a new person in town. Skeeter Phelan a white graduated woman who comes back home to find that her maid, Constantine, the person who really raised her has disappeared. Under strange circumstances, Abileen, Minnie and Skeeter start to work on a secret book that tells the crude story on how it really is to work as a maid in white homes.

The simple fact that this book exists is a blessing. I shed tears, laughed until my cheeks hurt and raged to the point of having to close the book to take a deep breath. It was a literal roller-coaster, and one that I would be willing to ride again. The situations treated in this book are all too real and it seems like nothing escaped the author’s hands. Loss and racism are just some of the many important issues touched in this book. So yeah, I consider this book very raw and honest, stunning yet heart breaking but most of all immersive and full of hope for a better society.

 Favorite Quote: “Every morning, until you dead in the ground, you gone have to make this decision. You gone have to ask yourself, "Am I gone believe what them fools say about me today?” 

 The BFG – Roald Dahl

 The book starts with the BFG (Big Friendly Giant) capturing a young girl named Sophie from her orphanage in England. He takes her to his homeland because if he returns her to England he fears that she will tell everyone giants exist and encourage others to hunt him down. On the other hand if he leaves her in his cave the other giants will most probably eat her because unlike the BFG these giants eat humans. When Sophie finds out about these giants and their “hobbies” she makes it her goal to stop them and with the help of the BFG and another unlikely ally they might just be able to.

I grew up with this book, no kidding. It’s technically a children’s book but that does not mean it is bad. The bond that grows between the BFG and Sophie is absolutely precious, it’s similar to a father-daughter relationship, something that neither one of them had experienced before, yet they unknowingly have. It also keeps your imagination alive with weird yet fantastic sceneries, a giant ridding an elephant, dreams that can be mixed together to become your perfect one… All these details make the book alive with creativity and imaginativity suited for all ages.

 Favorite Quote: “Dreams is full of mystery and magic . . . . Do not try to understand them.”

 Something all these books have in common is that I picked them up (and I am grateful I did) and finished reading them as a different person, with a different perspective, with new eyes and that is not something every book can do. So maybe you have read these, maybe you haven’t. Maybe you feel that books have the power to change you, open your eyes to situations, to the world or maybe you don’t feel that way. 

Hope you have an amazing day and thanks for reading my post! :)

[dantediscoversfic]

Chapter 31: Oscar Ramirez

I got over the flu but it left behind a restless drawn-tight feeling inside me that I couldn’t shake. I went to visit Ari every day but other than that I didn’t leave my room much. My mom finally insisted on scheduling an appointment for me to see one of her counselor colleagues, Oscar Ramirez. I didn’t fight her too hard on it. I knew it was probably a good idea to talk someone. Oscar worked for the same shelter/halfway house my mom did in addition to having an off-site office. I’d met a few of her colleagues before but never Oscar, which made the idea of talking to him easier somehow.

Ari had been released from the hospital for about a week and a half by the time I went to talk to Oscar for the first time. I’d been going over to Ari’s house every day to visit him. Sometimes we’d go for “walk and rolls” around the neighborhood but mostly we hung out in his room. I decided to read The Sun Also Rises aloud to him (mostly because Hemingway’s sparse, terse writing style reminded me of Ari, but I didn’t tell him that). I read a chapter or two each visit and we’d talk about it after. One time we talked about where we’d go if we decided to become dissolute ex-patriots like the characters in the novel and travel the world together. I wanted to go to Paris; Ari wanted to go to Iceland or Norway. When I asked him why, he said he was sick of the Texas heat and wanted to see the Northern Lights.

“I bet there’s no light pollution up there,” he said.

“Sure, no light pollution, but the winter’s colder than a witch’s tit.”

He snorted. “I wouldn’t mind the cold.”

“How do you know? You’ve lived in Texas your whole life.”

“It snows here sometimes, you know. Like two Christmases ago.”

“I know, but El Paso winter is nothing like up there. We’d need to bring special snowsuits and camping gear or risk dying of hypothermia.”

“It’d be worth it though. To go somewhere so remote and cold and quiet.”

“Sounds like you really want to go on vacation to The Fortress of Solitude.”

“Hey, don’t knock The Fortress. A man needs a place where he can be alone and think.”

“And freeze his face and nuts off in the process.”

“That’s just the price you pay to stop everyone being all up in your business all the time. And anyway, Superman is impervious to frost bite. And don’t talk about Superman’s nuts. That’s sacrilegious.”

“I wasn’t talking about Superman’s nuts specifically. Just frozen nuts in general.”

“Okay okay enough with the nuts talk. Jesus.”

“What? They’re just a body part. No weirder than pinky toes or noses.”

“Yeah, okay, whatever. Hey I’m pretty wiped…so…I might take a nap or something.”

Ari’s face was flushed he looked sort of agitated so I cut my visit short after that. I could tell something was off between us but I didn’t try to press him. Sometimes when I went to visit I wasn’t even sure if he wanted me there. I figured he had every reason to be resentful of me. It was my fault he was stuck at home for the rest of the summer, at the mercy of his painfully itchy and useless legs. I was afraid more than anything that he’d want to stop being friends with me if I needled him too much or asked him what was wrong. So it was easier to talk about books or imaginary plans to travel the world together than what I actually wanted to talk about, which was how badly I was going to miss him when we moved and how sorry I still was about the accident.

When the time came for my appointment with the counselor, I was nervous even though I knew seeking counseling was a totally normal thing to do. Nothing to be ashamed of.

“Do I have to lay down on a couch?” I asked my mom on the car ride over.

She smiled. “Of course not. That’s the sort of thing you really only see in movies nowadays.”

“Good, because that part always seemed a little weird. Do I have to analyze my dreams?”

“Only if you want to.”

“What if I run out of things to say and we just stare at each other in awkward silence the whole time?”

“You’ve never had a particular problem with maintaining conversation, Dante. You can talk to him about whatever you want. Or not talk. No pressure.”

What I really wanted to ask her was if she thought the accident had messed me up somehow, or worse, messed Ari up, and that’s the real reason she wanted me to talk to a counselor. Not physically messed us up. But if I’d caused something to get broken inside us. I had no issue with the field of psychiatry in general, seeing as it was my mother’s profession, but I didn’t like the idea of a stranger realizing there was something wrong with me that needed fixing.

Oscar had an office in the El Paso Child and Teen Guidance Center, which was located in a shopping center. That sort of surprised me. I’m not sure what I expected, but it wasn’t the totally mundane looking storefront hiding in plain sight next to a hair salon, pet store and a travel agency. Oscar greeted us at the reception desk, where he kissed my mom on the cheek and shook my hand.

Oscar was around my parents’ age. He was on the stocky side, but not fat or anything. He was the type of solid build that you could describe as equally fitting for a linebacker and a big teddy bear. He had a round, friendly face and close cut salt-and-pepper black hair that didn’t do much to make his appearance less boyish and wholesome. He had a firm handshake and big hands.

“Dante, it’s a pleasure to meet you. Your mom has told me a lot about you.”

“Thanks, you too. I mean, nice to meet you, too.”

After my mom checked me in and filled out some paperwork, she left me with Oscar and told me she’d be waiting for me in the reception area.

Oscar’s office was bright and decorated with colorful furniture, throw rugs and artwork, which also surprised me. In my mind I’d pictured something much more stuffy and clinical. To one side of the room was a small couch and an armchair, both plush and comfy looking; between them was a coffee table with a box of Kleenex on it, which I was determined I would not have to use come hell or high water. On the other side of the room was a kid-sized table and chairs plus art supplies and toy boxes, set up like a mini preschool. Seeing the kid stuff made me feel strange. A little sad for the kids who needed to come in here. The office also had a desk, several bookshelves, and a beverage station. Overall it felt more like a living room than an office.

Oscar gestured toward the couch. “Please, take a seat. Make yourself comfortable. Do you want some water? Tea?”

“I’m okay.”

Oscar sat down in the armchair across from me. “So, Dante. Before we get started, I just wanted to let you know that even though your mother and I are colleagues and she let me know a little bit about why she wanted you to come see me today, I want you to feel like this is a safe space to share anything that’s on your mind with the understanding that I take your trust and confidentiality seriously.”

“Even though I’m a minor and you’re legally allowed to tell my parents what we discuss?” I asked. I’d done my research about confidentiality ahead of time. More than the accident I wanted to talk about what it meant that I loved my best friend who was a boy, but I’d decided already to keep that part of me sealed in the vault no matter what. I couldn’t be 100% sure he wouldn’t tell my parents about that.

Oscar smiled. “You are definitely Soledad’s son. Yes, you’re absolutely correct. Even though you’re a minor I would breach confidentiality only if I was worried for your personal safety or the safety of others or in the rare instance that my notes were subpoenaed by a court order.”

“Wow, that would be pretty badass.”

Oscar raised an eyebrow but was still grinning. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

“Sure, yeah. I was just joking. Discussion of client confidentiality protocol: check.”

It was a relief to hear him say he wasn’t going to tell my parents everything we talked about, but I still wasn’t quite ready to dive right into the accident.

“I like your office,” I said, stalling. I pointed to the kids’ area. “Do you work with a lot of children?”

“A fair number.”

“Do you do art therapy with them?”

“Sometimes. It depends on the child.”

“I’ve read all about the field of art therapy. I think it’s fascinating. If I don’t become a professional artist I might become an art therapist.”

“Would you like to do any drawing right now? We could start with some art exercises if you’re not in the mood to talk at the moment.”

“No, that’s okay. It’s hard for me to draw because of my broken arm. I’m a right-y. But thanks for offering.”

“So you’re okay to talk?”

I nodded.

“I’m glad. So, I understand from your mother that you and a friend of yours were involved in a car accident about three weeks ago and she’s concerned you haven’t been quite yourself since. That you’ve been having nightmares and seem much more withdrawn than usual. Do you want to talk about the accident? Or about what’s been on your mind?”

“So she already told you what happened?”

“Briefly. But I’d like to hear it from you, if you feel comfortable talking about it.”

“Well, it’d been raining and I went out into the street and didn’t see a car coming.” For some reason I didn’t want to tell him about the injured bird I’d seen. “Ari pushed me out of the way of the car and broke both his legs and his arm. He could have died but he didn’t.”

“Ari is your friend?”

“Yeah, my best friend.”

“How is he handling everything?”

“Um. Ok. I dunno. He can be kind of hard to read sometimes. They recently let him out of the hospital. He’s stuck in casts for the rest of the summer because of me.”

“And how have you felt since the accident?”

“I think my mom is worried that I’m showing signs of anxiety, depression and PTSD and that’s why they want me to talk to you. But I don’t have PTSD.”

“No?”

“No. I looked it up in the DSM-IV.” I ticked each symptom off with my fingers. “I’m not having recurring flashbacks or panic attacks. I’m not avoiding cars or the street. I’m not having angry outbursts. Well, I’m still kind of pissed at my parents about deciding to move to Chicago but that’s a different thing. Yeah, my dreams have been a little weird and I’m not sleeping great but that’s because my arm cast is so annoying. So I think we can safely say I don’t have PTSD. Possibly a little low-level anxiety. But I do deep breaths if I start feeling weird.”

“I don’t want to rule anything out just yet, but I’m happy to hear you’re listening to your body and your emotions. What do you mean when you say you start feeling weird?”

“I guess…sad. Stomach crampy. Frustrated. I think I’m worried about Ari. About how he’s recovering. About not being able to help him when we move.”

“It sounds to me like you might blame yourself for what happened to Ari.”

“Well, yeah, because it was my fault.”

“Who said it was your fault?”

“No one said it was my fault. But it obviously was.”

“Why do you feel that way?”

“It’s not feelings, it’s the facts. I went out to the street, I wasn’t paying attention and Ari got hurt because I was stupid and off in my own little world instead of paying attention to the road. And the thing about Ari is, he doesn’t like it when I’m upset, so he only let me apologize once and then he said we’re not allowed to talk about the accident anymore. He has some kind of stoic boy code about it. He wants to pretend it never happened.”

“Is that what you want?”

“Well, I don’t think we should, you know, dwell on it or anything. But I want him to know how sorry I am that I almost got him killed and ruined the rest of his summer.”

“Did Ari say anything like that to you? That you ruined his summer?”

“No. But he’s not big on talking anyway. But, like I said before, it’s a fact. Now he’s stuck in a wheelchair until his legs heal and he can’t do anything except hang around his house and read books and I know he’s pissed about it even if he won’t say anything.”

“Has he ever expressed anger or regret about what he did? That he saved your life?”

“No. Nothing like that. He’s just been moody and sullen. I mean, he’s been in a lot of pain so I don’t blame him for being crabby. I just don’t want him to hate me.”

“Why do you think he would hate you? It seems to me to be quite the opposite, that he cares about you very much. Do you want to tell me about him? How did you two become friends?”

“We met at the pool. I offered to give him swimming lessons. Because he didn’t know how to swim properly.”

“You like to swim?”

“Almost more than anything. Well, I like swimming, reading, drawing, stargazing and hanging out with Ari pretty much equally.” I lifted my cast arm and pulled a face. “Now my life is pretty much limited to reading and hanging out with Ari and teaching myself to become ambidextrous. Not that I’m complaining. I mean, I’m lucky to be alive. I know it’s babyish but I miss swimming with him. I wish I could retcon the whole day of the accident.”

“Retcon?”

“Oh that’s a comic book thing. Basically when the writers change things retroactively in a story to make up for continuity errors. Sort of like a big do-over. Usually that sort of thing bugs the heck out of me because it seems so lazy. But I get the appeal now. Like you have God’s big eraser.”

“It’s natural to wish you could change the past so easily. But it’s equally important to learn how to move forward. And to not beat yourself up over something you can’t change.”

I shrugged and picked at my cast. “I just keep thinking that if it had been Ari in the middle of the road, I wouldn’t have been able to save him. I wouldn’t have been fast or strong enough. He was like Superman, the way he dove at me and pushed me out of the way.”

“Why do you think you wouldn’t have been able to help him if your roles were reversed?”

“Because when I saw the car coming, I just froze.”

“That could have been your body experiencing a fight or flight reaction. And also Ari saw the car coming whereas you did not, yes? So he had more time to think and react.”

“But still, I don’t think I could ever be as brave as he was.”

“You may be underestimating yourself and your strength. It sounds to me like you’re beating yourself up about a theoretical past as well as construing what actually happened to place all the blame on yourself. Just imagine what the people driving the car must have felt like. They most likely felt guilt as well. But motor accidents happen so quickly, in a blink of an eye, that it’s not helpful to play the blame game after the fact, particularly if it’s determined that the driver wasn’t under the influence of drugs or alcohol and the accident was just that: an accident. I would advise you to try not to blame yourself for the actions of others. And if that’s difficult, you may want to ask yourself, what am I getting out of continuing to blame myself for something that was out of my control?”

I didn’t quite know what to say to that.

He must have seen my confusion so he rephrased his question. “In other words, are you holding onto feelings of guilt and shame because you don’t think you’re worthy of having a friend who cares about you enough to put his own life in danger to save yours?”

I didn’t think I was worthy of it. But thinking about that made me start to feel like I might cry, which I had been determined not to do, so I clamped down and said nothing for awhile.

After a bit of silence Oscar said, “You know, I never read comics but my daughter loves them.”

“Really? Which ones? Betty and Veronica?”

“Actually The X-Men is her favorite. She loves all the Saturday morning cartoons based on comics, too.”

“How old is she?”

“Twelve.”

“And she doesn’t think X-Men is too scary?”

“Well, she’s always been a tough little cookie. Never was into any of the princess stuff. Except She-Ra Princess of Power. She adores She-Ra.”

“She-Ra is pretty rad.”

“Do you have a favorite comic?”

“Ari teases me about it, but I really like Archie. He thinks they’re lame. Which, sure, yeah, they can be pretty cheesy. But I don’t like the really dark comics.”

“There’s nothing wrong with that. There’s no rule that says you have to like all the same things your friends do.”

“Believe me I know that. I know I’m a little weird.”

“What makes you say that?”

“It’s not a secret or anything. Ari’s the first guy I’ve met my age who really gets me. I’ve never really had a best friend like him before. Not since we moved to El Paso anyway. I had a best friend in California but that was already years ago. We hardly see each other or write letters anymore.”

“And you’re worried that the accident and the move to Chicago will have a negative impact on your friendship with Ari? That you’ll lose touch and stop being friends? And you blame yourself for this future you see happening?”

I nodded, hoping to dislodge the traitorous lump that was forming in my throat.

“You’ve told me Ari hasn’t expressed anger or regret to you about the accident. It sounds to me like he values you and your friendship very much. He values you enough to have put himself at risk when he saw you were in danger. This doesn’t sound to me like a fair weather friend. And there are many ways to stay in touch. You can write letters and talk on the phone.”

“Sure, yeah.”

“I’d like to circle back to what you said at the start, about you being insistent about not having PTSD.”

“Okay…”

“It’s important to remember that everyone reacts to stress and trauma differently. You have in fact experienced a traumatic event. Your life and the life of your best friend was put in danger. For many people, acute stages of trauma may occur two to four weeks after the event itself. So it’s totally normal for your life and mental health to take some time settle back into place. You’re allowed to feel frustrated, angry, worried, scared and whatever other emotions might arise. It’s important to not rush to judge or ignore your feelings. You’ve mentioned that Ari isn’t talkative when it comes to expressing emotions, which is valid and what he needs right now to process the accident. But for you, I get the sense that you have a lot you’d like to express, either verbally or visually. Would journaling or drawing about the accident help you move forward?”

“Maybe…I usually keep a journal but I haven’t been able to write or draw much with my broken arm. When I draw with my left hand it’s like I’m in preschool again.”

“As I’m sure you know, artists express emotions in non-figurative ways all the time. If I asked you to express your feelings about the accident in abstract visual form and not worry how it looks compared to your other drawings, would that be a helpful thing to do?”

“Maybe. It still might look like chicken scratch.”

“Nothing wrong with that. If you feel more comfortable creating a collage we can try that instead.”

"I'd like to try to draw I think."

Oscar got out some paper and colored pencils and markers and charcoals for me. Instead of sitting at the kiddie table he let me sit at his desk to work. The first thing he had me do was draw how thinking about the accident made me feel.

Without really thinking about it, I picked up a black charcoal and started drawing the injured bird in the middle of the road. I used heavy black strokes. It was frustrating at first to not have complete control of the charcoal like I usually did but just putting marks and lines on the paper felt okay. But the drawing still left me with a hollow feeling.

“This is what I saw,” I told Oscar. “I saw an injured bird in the road and I went to pick it up and that’s why I didn’t see the car coming. I think I killed it. The bird.”

“And this makes you sad?”

“Yeah. I wanted to save it. But it still got killed. And Ari got hurt. It was stupid of me. I should have seen the car coming.”

“Is there anything you can do to this drawing now to make you feel less sad about it?”

“When I first saw the bird, it was on the road. But then I picked it up and held it close to my chest.”

I drew a hand around the bird, but it still didn’t feel right. Too stark and bleak. Not how I remembered the bird at all.

“The bird had colors on it. But I can’t really remember what they were exactly.”

“It’s your bird now, Dante. You can add whatever colors to it you want.”

I remembered the made-up birds I used to draw when I was little: the rainbow rocketbird, the tawny tailblaster. Pages and pages of sketchbooks filled with imaginary creatures. I hadn’t judged myself then about how anatomically accurate they were or how technically proficient I was. I drew and created because it felt good. Right now my drawing didn’t make me feel good so I added colors to my bird’s wings and I turned the hand into a nest. That felt better.

I felt calmer after my drawing was finished. But something still bothered me.

“Do you think me changing the drawing of the bird is like retconning the accident?” I asked. “I mean, when I started, I thought I would draw the bird like I remembered it. But that made me feel terrible to picture it all stiff and dark and lifeless. I wanted to protect it. Now it looks more like it’s asleep than it’s dead. But that’s not what actually happened.”

“If drawing the bird like this helped you reframe your sadness and anger into something beautiful, then I think it’s a good thing.”

“It’s not cheating?”

“No, I don’t think it’s cheating at all. In fact, I think it’s more like forgiving.”

“Forgiving who?”

“Yourself.”

[simplyleez]

"Somebody's in love" - Ari/Dante

Ari doesn't like parties, everyone knows that, so Gina finds him outside by himself. They talk about Ari's relationship and Gina is somewhat jealous of what he and Dante have.

Aristotle Mendoza has never ever been the type of boy who enjoyed parties, he hates the people, the small spaces, couples making out on every surface ever. So, he found himself on the children’s swing set outside, his lukewarm beer in hand, aimlessly swinging lightly back and forth. He’d done his fair share of awkward small talk and polite introductions to his peers as Gina and Susie paraded from room to room. Her loved those girls dearly but they could be too much sometimes, okay most of the time. But they were there for Ari, they were his friends.

 He could think of a million and one other places he would rather be than at the party, the desert always sounded appealing but right now, at this ungodly hour he just wanted to be with Dante. He sighed into the air, for no reason in particular he just wanted to feel sorry for himself again. The sound of muffled music and chatter was fairly calming, a contrast between the stillness of outside.

 The sky was a dark blue, few stars visible to Ari as he tilted his head towards the heavens, “too much light pollution” he sighed to himself quietly. The stars always reminded him of Dante, no matter how few of them there was, to be fair everything reminded him of Dante. Ari could feel excitement build up inside of him just from thinking of the other boy, a small smile graced his lips at his thoughts as the screen doors of the house opened then closed again.

 “Here’s my melancholy man! I was wondering how you escaped so easily.” Gina was practically bouncing over to him, her footing a little off from the alcohol making her look less graceful than usual. Ari just looked at her in response, “wait a minute are you… are you smiling? Oh my goodness! What’s got you in such a good mood?” Gina was almost giggling to herself, her own smile was wide which concerned Ari as he thought her smile might break her face.

 “Nothing,” Ari tried to play it cool, remain neutral, give no inclination of what he was feeling. He failed miserably as Gina sat down on the swing beside him, her hands wrapping around the cords and swinging herself like a child. “That’s not nothing, you’re smiling that’s a big deal in your books! You want to know what I think.” Gina wasn’t even facing him, her own head leaning back to observe the sky as she swung, “not particularly but I know you’re going to tell me anyway.” Ari knew that’s just the way it was with Gina she would just tell him all things and everything no matter how big or small, he liked that about her, it meant he did less of the talking.

 “I think somebody’s in love!” She didn’t stop her movements, neither did they falter, but Ari’s heart sank slightly. He didn’t really want to tell her the truth, or tell her anything at all, but over the years Gina’s got good at reading him and getting information out of him. “And how would you know that?” He shot back sarcastically, attempting to pretend that Gina wasn’t absolutely right.

 “You’ve got that smitten look, you’ve never look like that before but I reckon you’ve got it bad.” Gina came to a stop, her shoes digging into the dirt where the grass had been ruined through years of shoes landing harshly upon it. She turned to face Ari, the swing creaking slightly at the movement, but Ari refused to look back at her. “I’m right aren’t I? You’re not defending yourself or denying it or even giving a sarcastic remark. Who are you and what have you done with my best friend?” That made Ari laught briefly and Gina joined him.

 “Best friend? Don’t let Susie hear she’s been demoted,” Ari commented, aware he was consciously avoiding the main issue and he was certain Gina wouldn’t leave it. “Don’t avoid the topic! Plus I love you and Susie equally, it’s like asking me to choose between my children.” Gina remarked, then it went silent. Ari didn’t reply, instead he took a swig of his beer, then another but Gina just started at him, cocking her head to the side and just waited.

 Ari couldn’t help but blush under her gaze and Gina gasped, “you are in love aren’t you?” she teased him, leaning her elbows on her knees to inch forward as if it would help her hear him better. “Fine,” Ari said defeatedly, “yes, I am. In love, I guess, I just-” he broke off to let out a frustrated groan, running his free hand through his hair. Gina stayed silent, waiting for him to find his words. “I fell in love with my best friend but… I was too fucking stupid, ignorant, I didn’t see it for ages.” He smiled fondly, speaking of Dante made him feel just as giddy as thinking about him.

 “But you’re good now?” Gina seemed genuinely caring and invested, not just gossip invested but ‘this is my best friend and I really care’ invested. “Yeah, we’re good now.” He finally looked back up at her, she was still leaning forward, her eyes fond, she looked like she was really thinking about something.

 “It’s Dante, isn’t it?” It wasn’t even really a question, it was a statement, she just knew. “Is it that obvious?” Ari spoke, still as sarcastic as ever which made Gina smile, she just nodded in return. Then silence again. It was a comfortable silence, Gina didn’t judge him (of course she wouldn’t) but Ari had a feeling she wasn’t done talking yet, she was never quite done talking.

 “It’s not too obvious, I wouldn’t have know if I didn’t know you so well and I didn’t know him. It’s just the way you talk about him, it’s so fondly but it’s rare that you talk about him. Almost as if he’s your little secret. It’s adorable really. God, I never thought I’d call you or anything you do adorable.” Gina giggled slightly at that and Ari couldn’t help but give a short, breathless laugh out. “Thanks Gina and I really mean that.” He had another swig of his drink, almost emptying it, it did make him feel slightly better talking about his feelings. But he did have a feeling that Susie would know by tomorrow so she would confront him on Monday which he wasn’t looking forward to.

 “Oh, plus, you hang around with him more than us, which is unfair but understandable,” she rambled on, the drinking incapacitated her brain to mouth filter more than usual so she just spewed out whatever she was thinking. “You’re just like Sherlock Holmes Gina, you never know one day I might formally introduce you two.” The smile didn’t leave his face as he spoke, Gina seemed to get excited over the prospect of officially ‘meeting’ Dante, her hands clasped the chains again meaning she swung slightly.

 “It must be nice though, so easy with him being your friend, you already know each other so well and it just really sweet.” She stopped to sigh, sounding defeated and almost regretful as she spoke again “I wish I could fall in love with my best friend.” She linked her hands together and looked to the sky again. It clicked for Ari, Gina was also in love. “I think you already have,” he murmurs, he knows it’s not his place to intervene but she got herself invested in his life too, plus it sounded like she really could do with some help.

 “Is it that obvious?” She repeats his earlier words, he smiles and responds “I wouldn’t have know if I didn’t know you so well.” They laughed at that, then silence overtook them but Gina sighed. “I just don’t know what to do Ari, life’s just so complicated.” She stopped to take a breath, reaching over to take Ari’s beer from his hand and finished it off then threw it to the floor.

 “I think I really love her Ari but I don’t know if she loves me or if she even likes girls.” Gina’s voice grew weaker, Ari was sure she’d start crying but she just sniffled and pulled herself together. “Gina, sometimes you just need to not think logically just think with your feelings. Ask her, if she turns you down I’m sure you’ll still be friends.” Ari knew he didn’t have a great way with words but Gina needed comforting and it seemed to work.

 She looked back at Ari, her eye no longer teary, “you know what, for once in your life I think you’re right.” With that she stood up but froze. “Gina, you alright?” Ari stood beside her, putting a hand on her shoulder, “I thought I was going to throw up.” Ari just laughed at her, “I think you’ve had enough to drink.”

 “No, no, no. I need more to drink if I’m going to tell Susie that I love her!” Gina shook herself out of Ari’s grip and stumbled towards the sliding doors. “Gina!” Ari took off after her, at least she needed some assistance in not dying from alcohol poisoning, it would at least take his sad mind off missing Dante.

[dreamerology]

If its not a burden all the gay questions

im gonna put this under the cut & hope i dont ramble 2 much

1. describe your idea of a perfect date

not 2 be cheesy but really anything were i can spend time w them…..like just walking around a mall pointing at stuff saying “you” and going 2 a cute coffee shop and Dude……if i lived near any body of water…..walking by the ocean? Cute & ideal

2. whats your “type”

a bright smile, someone who’s taller than me, also someone w a good/similar sense of humor & tbh someone who’s more outgoing than me nd will make me step out of my comfort zone 2 try new things!

3. do you want kids?

not rly no

4. if you do, will you adopt or use some other form of child birth?

if i end up wanting some in the future i’d like 2 adopt! that was always the plan even before i knew i was gay

5. describe the cutest date you’ve ever been on

i havent been on uhhhhh many….idk if it counts but the day my ex asked me out we spent the whole day at this cute little fair in town, came home and napped & then went 2 see the fireworks later it was such a nice day

6. describe your experience having sex for the first time (were you nervous? or was it easy peasy?)

i haven’t

7. are you a morning time gay or night time gay?

night time!!!!

8. opinion on nap dates?

Best Date…….big fan of naps

9. opinion on brown eyes?

brown eyes >>>>>>>>>> (i speak from experience, u can trust me) 

10. dog gay or cat gay?

cats!!!!!!!!

11. would you ever date someone who owned rodents or reptiles?

yes (i want a snake even tho nobody seems 2 believe me)

12. whats a turn off you look for before you start officially dating someone

how they treat others…..if ur rude i dont have time for u

13. what is a misconception you had about lgb people before you realized you were one?

answered earlier!

14. what is a piece of advice you would give to your younger self

hmmm hide ur shit better and dont feel the need 2 rush and come out if u dont think its gonna go well

15. (if attracted to more than one gender) do you have different “types” for different genders?

not rly no

16. who is an ex you regret?

i dont have one

17. night club gay or cafe gay?

cafe!

18. who is one person you would “go straight” for

minhyuk if that wasnt obvious enough (any of the monstas for that matter……:/)

19. video game gay, book gay, or movie gay?

answered earlier!

20. favourite gay ship (canon or not)

ari & dante have my whole entire heart, thats just the facts 

21. favourite gay youtuber

i dont rly have one i dont watch youtubers that much

22. have you ever unknowingly asked out a straight person?

ive never asked out someone in my life.......too chicken shit. even then i wouldnt b able 2 ask someone out unless i was like 90% sure they liked me back bc im terrified of Rejection 

23. have you ever been in love?

dunno dude........mayb so

24. have you ever been heartbroken?

yeah

25. how do you determine if you want to be them or be with someone

i…….honestly dont kno…..i havent been able 2 figure this out myself yet,, if anyone had unlocked the secret please lmk

26. favourite lgb musician/band

answered earlier!

27. what is a piece of advice you have for young / baby gays

don’t feel like u need to rush to label urself or anything! i understand for some people its a comfort to have one, but if u dont or if u find u think another term fits better? thats ok! its not the end all be all. ur sexuality is fluid and can change over time, just use whatever is most comfortable and You in the present 

28. are you out? if so how did you come out

answered earlier!

29. what is the most uncomfortable / strange coming out experience you have

o sorta a long story that i dont rly wanna go into detail w (if u rly wanna kno come talk 2 me off anon) but pretty much my mom forced me to out myself 2 her…….yea that wasn’t fun. little tip: dont invade ur kids privacy folks! it will fuck them up! thanks for coming 2 my ted talk

30. what is a piece of advice for people who may not be in a safe place to express their sexuality

i kno how hard and scary it can be, but things will change and get better in the future, you’ll hopefully be able to get out of that environment and surround urself w similar people and those who genuinely care. things will get better and u arent alone 

[zoe-truong]

Fun Home 1

You know when you read a book with some cryptic title that for all intents and purposes seems to have no relation to the story? Then, as you scan the words you spot it, sometimes said in the climax of a situation or stated as a fact. It’s almost satisfying, like finding the phrase for Their Eyes Were Watching God or The Fault in Our Stars. You find a deeper connection with the plot and possibly get insight into some Easter Eggs (ha I’m writing this on Easter! Okay sorry I digress) that wouldn’t be obvious without this reveal. Well, Fun Home did that for me. 

It’s an ironic title, though you could deduce that from the description that it’s a family tragicomic. The “Fun Home” for Alison’s parents was the business. But for her and her brothers it was still just another place they could be kids, as grossly warped the location is. Her father was always putting them to work, as they “had lots of chores at the fun home, but also many interesting opportunities for play.” (37) Interesting probably for the fact they were indeed pretending to play airplane inside a funeral home. But the most compelling part of this book for me was the illusion of perfection.

With the ease of sharing life through social media, it’s easy for people to get caught up in loathing the fact their life isn’t as fun, adventurous, luxurious, or social as their friends. You see the new house you friend moved into, you might feel impressed by how magnificent it is or you might feel spite for how rich their family is. But for your friend, “when other children called [their] house a mansion, [they] would demur.” (5) Maybe they didn’t like the way people placed them in some other group just because they were born into a rich life, or maybe they just liked showing off all of the money they could throw around. Who knows? That’s the thing. No one knows. No one can be sure of what hides behind the lavish front door or the expansive curtains.

 We don’t know for sure if Alison’s father had actually died in some freak accident or suicide. “The truck driver describer [her] father as jumping backward into the road “as if he saw a snake.” And who knows. Perhaps he did.” (89) You can’t just This ambiguity plagued the Fun Home, all for the simple fact that Alison’s father orchestrated this puzzle of a life and a house. “He appeared to be an ideal husband and father, for example,” (17) but Allison reveals he was anything but these things. So before you loathe the life people seem to live just like her father’s “headstone is an obelisk, a striking anachronism among the ungainly granite slabs in the new end of the cemetery,” (29) understand that it could easily be a façade. While the intentions of the obelisk was to “[symbolize] life” (29) the life of the person beneath the grave could have used it to distract the completely different different outlook they had. You wouldn’t know, I wouldn’t know, but I know that thinking back to the sympathetic imagination drilled into me from the beginning of my world lit adventure is more important now than ever.

When Alison found out that her father was not only gay, but also molested a child, you start to feel sympathy for this man. In the beginning you resent the fact that he quite possibly ruined his children’s response to pain, but “the narrative of Fun Home is non-linear and recursive. Incidents are told and re-told in the light of new information or themes.” (anthology 948) There’s always some new aspect of his puzzle of a life that when you think back at the previous anecdotes, the life pieces together just a little better now. When Alison’s father suddenly called Alison in to bring the scissors to him, “there was some practical exchange with [her] father during which [she] studiously betrayed no emotion.” (44) Plenty of children would be shocked, horrified to see a cadaver, nude and cut open. However, Alison skillfully pushes down any of these emotions. This is a skill carried even past her childhood, where “for years after [her] father’s death, when the subject of parents came up in conversation [she] would relate the information in a flat, matter-of-fact tone... eager to detect in [her] listener the flinch of grief that eluded her.” (45) This parallels very well to Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of The Universe. For all of Ari’s life, he put up a strong mien to shield the emotionless emptiness he felt inside. Anytime something came up, he pushed it down, refusing to acknowledge its existence, much like his father did. As a result, there’s a serious disconnect in perception and feeling.

 To grow up in a household where Alison “witnessed only two gestures of affection between [her parents]” combined with the draconian role her father played out in front of the family was crushing to Alison and her brothers ability to just be like normal people. People who shouldn’t be “dry-eyed and sheepish” in front of their father’s embalmed body “[looking[ for as long as [they] sensed it was appropriate.” (52) But it’s the reaction that’s almost expected growing up in a house like they did: the “Fun Home”. Their father was a master of disguise. He lived in a pristine home with a wife and three children, but actually held a dark secret of homosexuality. His passion and ability to “cultivate the barren yard into a lush, flowering landscape” (10)  could probably be ascribed to the fact that he so desperately wants to push down any inkling of his dark secret behind  an aesthetically perfect view. But we know his life was anything but aesthetically perfect. For his wife, she liked a poem because “its juxtaposition of catastrophe with a plush domestic interior is life with [Alison’s] father in a nutshell.” (83) Even with this overall misery in the house, her father still tried his best to let everyone else see a perfect family, which was only made possibly by the way he trained everyone in his family to be jaded. If they could be apathetic about things in life, then it would help abate his fear  “of coming out, as illustrated by “the fear in his eyes” when the conversation topic is dangerously close to homosexuality.” (anthology-949) It’s easy to feel just as conflicted Alison did regarding her father. There were definitive moments in her life where he did act like a father, but these were few and far between from the harsh but mysterious man he usually was. The demons people hold can wreak havoc on their minds, and sometimes it’s the way they hide them that can be the most dangerous. Reminds me of an Imagine Dragons song I loved listening to. 

It’s a really important message I think, because it’s congruent with so many of the concepts we’ve learned in world lit. Love versus fear. Empathy. Compassion. Sympathetic Imagination. They all play out in Fun Home. They’re most striking in their absence. When fear overrides love, when empathy and compassion are nonexistent, and when the sympathetic imagination is hard to tap in to. It’s kind of like how “you don’t know what you have until it’s gone.” Well, when you don’t have all of the previously stated things, this is what happens. It’s pretty sad.