#no one wants to see my rambling about youtube drama lol

[nerdgirlriot]

so another Youtube channel I follow has become embroiled in weird fuckery. I have to laugh at it, like Try Guys was my first real YT drama and now there's some shit going on with the Disneyland vloggers I follow. I know this is probably only interesting to no one but it's my tumblr, and I'll talk about whatever i want.

Yes, there are people who vlog about the Disney parks. yes i watch a few channels because I get to see Disneyland when I'm not there. It's a thing.

I follow a channel called Fresh Baked, which is mostly a dude named David and his wife Liz and their experiences at Disneyland. There's another channel called Best Life & Beyond who are also Disneyland vloggers. KT from Best Life apparently asked Liz to lie about KT having COVID. Since, y'know, even though the park doesn't check, you're really not supposed to go to Disneyland if you're sick. Plus apparently KT looked visibly sick in one of their videos, people began asking if it was COVID, and KT continually denied it. I guess she asked Liz to lie and say that she wasn't sick and Liz refused and now they are no longer social media friends.

I had no idea this was going on until I checked my Reddit feed and saw this posted on the Disneyland subreddit. It's just so weird that there's another kerfuffle among the Youtubers I follow. Go figure.

Anyway, I'm glad that Liz said no because she seemed like that kind of person and honestly I always thought Best Life was kinda shady. I watched a few of their videos but their vibes felt all wrong. idk how to explain it. They were just a little too brash to be a comfort watch, and trying too hard to be engaging and forcing it too much? Maybe?

idk I'm now wondering whether I can hit a Youtube trifecta of drama but nothing else has happened yet lol

[league-of-blorbos]

This is gonna be a long and weird post from me, and I don't know if it'll even be comprehensible in the end, but I just wanna put my thoughts out there about my feelings for Jhinhwei and why even as everyone else has fallen in love with this ship, I'm struggling to get into the idea of it.

(And to get this out of the way, this is all just my personal interpretation of these characters, I'm not gonna shame anyone for shipping something I don't or reading a character differently than I do. I'm doing this mostly cuz I just wanna voice my thoughts on this pair and maybe hear from people who think differently than I do. Also the other ships I tagged will make sense in a moment I PROMISE!)

It's not that I don't understand the appeal, oh no, this ship feels like it was handmade to appeal to Tumblr's love of darker, tension-filled, inherently toxic, homoerotic romance. It's LoL Hannigram, it's someone who's at least somewhat moral falling obsessively in love with a psychopath, and now they're at a cross roads of if they want to try to remain a decent person but abandon their love, or embrace the darkness within them and allow themselves to be in love with this horrible person. There's so much potential for drama and complex explorations of love and obsession that this ship should absolutely grip me.

But it doesn't, even as it's gripped others who like the same other pairings that I do.

My two other favorite ships (bear with me, I think understanding why I love these two helps rationalize why I don't ship Jhinhwei), the ones that have actually worked their way into every crevasse of my brain and I think about scenarios of them while trying to fall asleep is Kayn/Rhaast (big shock I know /s) and Simon/Betty from Adventure Time. They are also two pairings that delve into obsession and where neither partner is fully good (or in Petrigrof's case, more like good people with unintentionally toxic behavior).

Let's start with Rhaayn cuz I've rambled enough about that ship on here to fill a library (hehe voicelines references). Rhaayn is more of a classic enemies to friends to lovers with the Symbrock dynamic of Rhaast being a parasite that is fighting for control over Kayn's body being thrown in there for spice. The fun with this ship is seeing how their fight forces them to have to share moments of closeness and eventually bond with the other, and how through those moments, Kayn and Rhaast both find a perfect mirror for themselves. They find someone with the same level of bloodthirst and similar war-related trauma, but also someone who balances them as they are opposites and the same in so many ways.

Petrigrof (spoilers for both Adventure Time and Fiona And Cake) is sorta the opposite of Rhaayn in that a lot of Rhaayn focuses on how they fall in love, while Petrigrof's main story starts after already being together. The other way they're different is that while I very much SHIP Rhaayn, I'm kinda lying when I say I SHIP Simon and Betty as my favorite part is that they don't stay together in the end. The Youtuber Sarcastic Chorus has already done an amazing analysis of this ship that matches a lot of my feelings on them, but to sum up, how Petrigrof ended is all due to Betty and Simon's mistakes. They loved each other so much that Betty was willing to throw so much of herself away for Simon, while he was blinded to how much she was doing for him, and even in the moments where he did recognize Betty was doing too much, he let her keep trying as he thought it would undermine their relationship if he didn't. And I love that their story is a lesson in how even well-meaning obsession can be toxic and that you need to know when to walk away and move on, even when it hurts you and the person you love.

Simon is just as madly in love as Betty is and vice versa, and they're both equally responsible for the way they ended up. While with Rhaayn, both crave each other's company because they've found someone who is just as violent and fucked up in all the same ways as they are.

But compared to those two pairs, Jhinhwei feels too unbalanced, and not just due to the power imbalance. To summarize it, my other ships feel like two people who ruin each other (or heal each other, or both!), while Jhinhwei mostly feels like Jhin trying to ruin Hwei and the main draw is Hwei choosing to accept the ruin and his internal struggle about it. The story of them, as I read it, focuses almost solely on Hwei's arc and you could theoretically have him effect Jhin just as much, but first, any attempts for Hwei to "fix" Jhin would just recreate the issue for me in the other direction, where it's now about Jhin's internal struggle with Hwei trying to heal him. Second, I have a hard time reading that as anything other than drastically changing Jhin's character to the point where you might as well make an OC.

That last point is definitely more of a personal problem as I have way more trouble getting into Jhin's headspace than I do with Hwei or Kayn or even Rhaast. But to me, Jhin is almost more of a force of madness than a character I can dive into the complex mind of, and I'm kinda ok with that. A lot of people love trying to figure out how these characters' brains work and why they are who they are, but just like how Riot never wanted to unmask Jhin (until that goddamn concept art came out!), I'm ok with leaving the mask on and letting some things about Jhin remain mysterious, even at the cost of Jhinhwei not meeting a lot of the criteria to be a ship that I really fall in love with.

[dreamwritesimagines]

It’s CMA-

I forgot two things since I was so upset lmfao: first of all, I see that chanthony slip in there👀 they were totally doing that thing where they’re both way too cautious/oblivious/nervous to start anything, but I agree that after the duel they’re going to totally get together.

Oh my god between Simon and daphne being caught in a scandal and now benedict and clover- I wonder if Charlotte and Anthony will be too lmao. Like imagine the heart attack lady bridgerton will have lmaooooo like why have I raised my children so poorly.

But the other bridgerton sibs are going to be roasting them about this for the rest of their lives. And whenever they’re going to get in trouble they’re just going to be like ‘hey mom at least I wasn’t a part of the great trifecta of scandals in that one season’ LMAO can you imagine???

Also anthony being honor bound to wed Charlotte- it being a reminder of his duty, of what he is going to have to leave behind. THE ANGST!! THE DRAMA!! And Charlotte wouldn’t understand why he’d be so torn/distancing himself and wondering if it was her.

This isn’t even canon yet and I’m already losing my fucking mind.

Okay the other thing I wanted to say was that Josie and clover remind me of petal and her sister in twisted!!! I know we haven’t met her yet but just the overprotective older sister vibes and the ability to be a lot tougher/meaner than the younger sister, plus the feeling that they must protect their younger siblings/failed them when they got hurt by their parents.

As a bonus, teddy is totally the equivalent of petal’s niece

Fuck I am losing my mind over every single detail in this story it is so fucking good (I’m not surprised because it’s you and your stuff is always amazing, but I am relishing it)

also I feel like I’m way more invested in every single detail than I was in enamored idk why lol. Maybe clover is more relatable??

also I feel like those hour long YouTube videos going in depth on a single tv episode or whatever, and meanwhile everyone else is like ‘maybe the curtains really are just blue and it doesn’t mean anything’ lmao

I need another word besides also. Every time I send an ask I use that word 20 million times lmao but that’s just the equivalent of me rambling on without a plan I guess lol

Omg omgggg❤️❤️

I feel like the duel will definitely serve as a wake up call for them 😍

Wait, are we calling them Chanthony or Lothany by the way? 😁

Lolll Clover and Benedict starting this season's scandal marriages 😂

‘hey mom at least I wasn’t a part of the great trifecta of scandals in that one season’ I AM DYING AT THIS-

Darling this is hilarious! 😂 Someone would definitely say it, and both Anthony and Benedict would be glaring at them 😂

Oooh Anthony being honor bound to wed Charlotte! That would be very interesting! Like, I think Charlotte is such a sweet romantic, so she would be so confused as to why he all of a sudden got a bit distant with her 😱 But he can never be distant with her for so long so eventually -before the wedding- he would open up to her 🥰

I totally see what you mean with Josie! Like, she's definitely much tougher than Clover and very protective of her, just like Mina was with Petal ❤️

Awww this is so sweet of you! 🥰🥰 ILYSM!❤️

I feel like those hour long YouTube videos going in depth on a single tv episode or whatever, and meanwhile everyone else is like ‘maybe the curtains really are just blue and it doesn’t mean anything’ My love, I majored in literature, the curtains are never just blue for me 😂❤️ Symbolism my beloved 😂

I'm the sameeee! I use "like" and "also" a lot so no worries, I get you 😂😂

[nutmeg555666]

A repost from my fb page.

For a few years proceeding, and especially when the pandemic began, I've been on the fence of either resurrecting my old podcast, or becoming a YouTuber.

I didn't know which one I wanted to do, or to do both, or what kind of equipment I would need. Or what kind of content I would make.

I already have a channel and right now it's just my cringey Effie videos from 2017 and one of me dancing drunk with a box on my head. (I was Silvia Plath for Halloween that year, 2008 I think, and the box was supposed to be an oven, lol. My youngest sister took the video with her phone).

In December of 2021 I pulled all of my old Nutmeg's Mix episodes from BlogTalkRadio and TalkShoe and had my BlogTalkRadio account deleted. I still have TalkShoe but there's nothing posted to my account. I may edit and repost some of the really good episodes I did, like the Sailor Moon one, the mental health one, the writing one, etc. There truthfully was only a very few that were worthwhile, content-wise.

For 2023 I think I'm going to give YouTube a try.

I'm going to wait until after the holidays, perhaps mid-January even, after all the "Philly Loves Bowie Week" events (because I think I want to attend some of those too).

While making money from a hobby would be nice, I'm not going to worry about getting monetized or fancy equipment. I'm going to work with what I already have. If it is something I find myself enjoying, perhaps I'll upgrade mics and cameras and whatever.

As far as content goes, it's going to be a mixed bag, similar to what the "Nutmeg's Mix" internet radio show was, only it'll be in video format, no copyrighted music, and I'm going to start out with short videos, and not just me rambling for 2 hours. It'll be more of a vlog format, with lighthearted things like, here's me at a thrift store, here's me at the park, here's me trying on clothes from my closet I haven't worn in a while, here's me making a painting or a jacket, or a cosplay, here's me with my kewpies, here's me at the gym, whatever. Maybe I'll vlog from events and the beach or something once I get comfortable, if I decide to even continue with it. I may love doing it or hate it, we'll see.

I plan on staying away from reaction videos and talking about politics or religion. These things are already overdone as it is and I don't want that "us vs them" mentality. Most aspects of life are nuanced and not all black and white and simple. Humans are complicated creatures. I just want this to be a little break from the complications of life. Not toxic positivity, but not focusing on the negative either.

I may talk about things like mental health and physical health down the line, maybe have guests for those things, as well as for the silly stuff too, it all depends on how far I want to go or if I even wind up liking this.

But to start out I'm going to keep things lighthearted. I want to have a comfort channel I guess. Drama-free, enjoying the things in life that I love and just sharing that with others.

Let me know your thoughts in the comment section.

[tvitr]

uwu I don’t make the ruwules

(Okay fine, reasons/opinions below the cut but be warned! I won’t be holding back on game or book spoilers. Or rambling. This got longer than I anticipated lol)

BETTER IN THE BOOK

Eis “Fireman Sam” Glover: I don’t know what the game was trying to do with this one. I guess he gets overwhelmed by the fire and loses his composure or gets scared or... something?  Also why did he not bring a hose. Or a mask.  This is why so many reviewers thought Wonderworld was a metaphor for purgatory and all the inhabitants are dead I swear. Who cares, the book handled it a lot better. I wouldn’t say it’s perfect, but there’s definitely a good idea here with some interesting themes. The gist is that he feels ashamed following his captain’s orders to retreat during a serious blaze, which his colleagues disobeyed, and his colleagues are later hailed as heroes by the press.  Is Balan the Book trying to take on toxic masculinity...? How brave. Tl;dr, the book conveyed the story a Hell of lot better than the game. Honestly I’m surprised this is the only one.

BETTER IN THE GAME

Haoyu “Airplane Boi” Chang: So the book tried waaaay too hard to draw a parallel between Haoyu and Fiona (aka, Dolphin Girl) to the point that they both share a similar backstory, in that they had a hobby which led to a near-fatal accident and now they’re too traumatised to resume said hobby. And that’s not a bad thing per se but... “near fatal accident” was already Fiona’s backstory. We didn’t need a duplicate. And this is more personal preference, but I kinda liked Haoyu’s story in the game anyway. His failure at building a functioning aeroplane out of crap he found in his garage is endearingly funny in the game, and the resolution of him taking time out to sit down and study before building anything is a nice spin on the whole “if at first you don’t succeed” theme the chapter wanted. 

Sana “Bird Lady” Hudson: So the book decided they didn’t want to make Cal an angry sore loser so guess what? They made Sana an angry misanthrope. Wonderful. Okay maybe that’s harsh, but she definitely came off as very bitter and unsympathetic in the book. Like there’s a scene at the end where she harasses a firefighter and tries to steal a fire engine because they’re working on a building fire and not supervising her park. That’s not a character you wanna root for. That’s a Karen. The game had a better plot thread and resolution to her story rather than a boring cookie-cutter “humans vs. nature grrrr humans are so evil” story, like the game story here had a bit more depth to it and approached the topic more maturely than the book did. Which is ironic considering how hilariously edgy the book gets sometimes, but I guess throwing a few smashed eggs and frozen bird skeletons into your story doesn’t mean anything if you’re still going to paint such a black-and-white narrative.

Iben “Frozen Elsa” Bia: This story didn’t need dialogue. Like... we don’t need her to justify why she’s upset her parents are dead because we’d already assume that. They’re her parents! Of course we’d assume she’d be upset! They died! Simultaneously! That’s horrible! WE DON’T NEED HER TO EXPLAIN THIS! Also her dialogue in the book was... pretty terrible, not gonna lie. Like if you’re gonna insist on dialogue at least make it gOOD. I’m actually planning on just reviewing her book scene so I can fully articulate just how bad it is anyway, so stay tuned for that mess lol.

FINE IN BOTH

I mean there’s not really too much to say here but anyways:

Jose/”The Farmer” having a family in the book gives him a bit more depth, even if we never hear from them again after his backstory dump.

Fiona/”Dolphin Girl” almost drowns in a slightly different way, with a dolphin straight up pulling her mask off rather than knocking it out of her mouth, and the book also goes more into detail about her love for diving and dolphins. Also the book ships her and Haoyu like. So hard. Like they never shut up about how similar they are or what they other’s doing or if the other’s okay or not. By the end of it I was expecting them to just start making out in front of everyone, they’re that obsessed with each other. And it would be funny if they didn’t use this to wreck Haoyu’s backstory like I mentioned earlier.

Yuri/”Bug Kid”/”Is that a Pokémon reference?” is now being kinda bullied for liking bugs, which yeah gives her more depth and reason to be upset but I also kinda related to her just being that One Kid with interests that nobody else had. But it’s not as bad as some of the other changes, so I can let it slide.

Atillio/Clown and Bruce/Old Man are the same, nothing to say here.

Lucy/”The Artist” is a total drama queen but then again so are Art People so I can let it slide. I did like them changing her problem from “artist��s block” (seriously?) to her feeling too under pressure to create masterpieces, unless that’s what the game was aiming for? Oh who cares.

JUST A BIG MESS

Cass “Dead Cat Girl” Milligan: This is a weird one because the story is the same between the game and book (though the book mentions she witnessed a more severe car accident rather than a speeding car which she assumes kills the cat, and the cat isn’t even her cat, it’s a stray) but the story itself is... flawed. According to the book, they wanted to convey the idea that running away from the accident was irresponsible, and she just needed to look back and she’d see her cat is okay, but the game kind of makes it look more like Balan turned back time to save her cat, and the book mentions a serious car crash which I don’t think anyone would willingly return to. I feel there’s a better way to convey this idea of being responsible for your pets, like say her cat escapes from the house and gets lost, and her resolution is going out and properly looking for it. That’s a more effective (and natural) way to relay that message, especially as they weren’t going to commit to the idea of grieving a lost pet.

I’M CONFLICTED

Cal “Chess Daddy” Suresh: God this was a tough call. On one hand Cal’s game backstory is one of the ones most YouTube players single out as the weakest backstory in the game. He’s just “that guy who lost one game of chess”. Being right before Iben’s level certainly doesn’t help. I could honestly write a separate post about how bad the story placements are in this game but that’s too long for here.  On the other hand, I still... kinda like it? Like I like this idea of him being a sore loser with a bad temper who needs to learn some humility, sure it’s not as serious as “I almost drowned” or “my parents are dead” but one of the few good things about the game is that it balanced “serious” stories with “benign” ones, if that makes sense. HOWEVER His book scene is... probably one of the best written in the whole book. Which isn’t saying much, but it felt like it hit the intended degree of darkness that the rest of the book was trying to hit. One of my main issues with the book is how much it edged up everyone’s backstory, which doesn’t sound bad but when you have 12 characters with edgy backstories to sit through, it starts to feel like a 14 year old's first attempt at writing an angsty fanfiction very quickly. And yes, Cal’s story is dark and angsty but it felt like the perfect balance of dark and angsty. Or as perfect as the book can get. Like even Balan’s annoying rhyming dialogue sounded good for the tone of the scene. Man maybe I should just do a review of both his backstories in a bigger post.  Obviously I could be biased because I’m a sucker for chess aesthetics and dark skinned men with long permed hair so I’m just putting more thought into him but still.

[its-chelisey-stuff]

Word of Honor eps 11-20 (many confusing thoughts ft. the feels)

Well, the drama has finished airing (and I’ve seen a bunch of spoilers lol) but I’m watching it on youtube so every rant and ramble you read here is gonna be a pretense of me not really knowing the story and that includes what I know from reading the novel because it’s confusing to keep in mind what happens in both since the drama diverted quite a bit from the source. All that matters is that we got a happy ending, so now I can enjoy the delicious angst, pining and romance freely and without worries.

On the plot

I didn’t have enough of GuXiang and CWN in these eps but at least they’re safe and together, for now. They’re gonna romance each other and will eventually reunite with main OTP and their kid (who looks like a little Wang Yibo to me lol). And Ye BaiYi (aka captain of the WenZhou ship) has made his first appearance and wants to help save ZZS. Btw I love his dynamic with WKX, it’s hilarious!

Now, I’m a bit confused about the names and faces and who’s bad, and who’s not so bad but the main baddie has been revealed and it looks like the dude is controlling the Scorpion King via daddy issues which yikes. I’m worried that it looks like WKX doesn’t know who is pulling all the strings because that shows that his plan for revenge isn’t perfect and if he was wrong about Gao Chong, then he can be wrong about other, bigger things and that isn’t good.

Also, some of the valley ghosts want to take WKX out of the picture, which is of course not surprising considering killing the current leader is the only way to succession of what it seems like a dictatorship. What a nightmare to live in tbh, I’m surprised WKX is functional enough to walk so nonchalant and elegantly in public and that he managed to raise an equally functional GuXiang. But I guess that’s because he wanted to survive and get the justice/revenge he feels he deserves (I’m on his side, btw), so he had to act like a madman while trying to keep his sanity. He has some glitches,of course, but he did well, all things considered.

Which takes me to the whole Five Lakes Alliance and their “friendship”, which imo went to hell 20 years prior to the start of the story, and they all pretended for two decades, because they all wanted the Armory and each had a piece to get into it. Is it bad that I don’t feel that bad for them? Maybe just about little Chengling’s dad but other than that...*shrugs* Plus, their actions brought terrible consequences for innocents, namely WKX’s family.

On the love story

The romance is delightful!! On ep 11 WKX went to rescue little Yibo but found out ZZS was also there so he went full-on killer mode so hot because how dare these scorpion killers hurt his man? They made up (with he help of their adoptive son) and even took their time to have dates and enjoy a lot of alcohol until ZZS went “my dude, tell me the truth, you’re Rong Xuang’s son, aren’t you?” to which WKX offended, replied “Honestly? No, how fucking dare you?” but it is a theme with these two to part dramatically after an argument and then reunite in dramatically gay fashion when ZZS is in danger, which actually happened 3 times in these ten eps.

The reveal of ZZS’s condition to WKX was PERFECTLY done. I love gorgeous men crying and being all angsty under the rain so that scene with OTP afterwards was delicious and then WKX sadly playing the flute while getting drenched and reciting poetry (GONG JUN IS AMAZING AS WKX!!!!!!) has definitely become one of my fave moments so far. I love that despite their short time together, you can see and feel the bond between the two and that there’s a side of them, a vulnerable one, that they only show to the other and that’s how I believe in the depth of their feelings (plus the arguments and shared near death experiences lol you can’t beat those). You don’t need lots of time to actually get to know a person, and after the few weeks(?) of a rollercoaster of emotions these two have shared, it isn’t weird they’ve become soulmates.

We know ZZS has accepted his fate and is happy with the way things will end for him. He said it himself, he just wants a peaceful life or a peaceful death, and while the former is out of reach or so he thinks, he can certainly make reality the latter. I understand that he is perfectly happy as is, because he achieved his goal after years of being a muderous puppet and meeting WKX is like the perfect ending, a last blessing. However, that’s not the case with WKX. He hasn’t achieved his goal yet, he doesn’t have the same peacefulness and acceptance as ZZS. He has a lot of rage and hate inside him and he had just set his plan into motion when he met ZZS and although that hasn’t changed his mind about his revenge it has made him want things he didn’t know he even wanted before. Now he desperately wants a life with him. So finding out that the man he’s fallen for, is dying, is a cruel twist of fate, another one in his life. Why allow him to meet ZZS when he will lose him in a couple of years?

Anyway, as a man with a mission, WKX had to suck it all back up and go watch the shit show he thought he always wanted to see, which ended super bad. And at this point I don’t even know if WKX knows what he’s doing anymore or if the drama is fooling me they might be succeding.

cough cough eye sex cough cough 

 After a total of 3 caves, declaring their love for each other (ep 18 min 17:50), rolling on the grass super gay, saving their son yet again and a tragic backstory later, ZZS comes to understand who WKX really is and his heart broke as well as mine and everyone’s because damnnnnn that was heavy (but also, I wasn’t expecting the childhood friends trope, but I don’t I mind it, in fact I like it as it reinforces the narrative that OTP are meant to be). What broke me even more is that, amidst all that, WKX still has the state of mind to worry about ZZS’s health and ask if it’s possible to save him with the YingYang book of the Healer Valley. He might act like a monster but he isn’t one. If he was, he wouldn’t have compassion for others and that huge capacity he has for loving. Come to think of it, maybe it’s the terrible life he’s had what makes him being all devoted to the person he loves, to love without holding anything back.

Of course ZZS isn’t short of affection for his man, because while his love is on the more quiet, much more subtle side, he is always paying attention to WKX and is visibly worried about him and this hatred he has for the people of the alliance as well as his plan for revenge.

I just love how we went for “oh, they might like each other, but they each have their emo baggage and ZZS doesn’t look too willing to take on WKX’s troubles or even understand him” to “yep, they’re soulmates, they’re in this together and ZZS won’t let darkness eat WKX away and WKX will risk it all to save his man”. It’s beautiful.

[chaotic-bells]

I was tagged by @imbellarosa and @justalarryblog 😊 thank you! And sorry for the delay and rambling lol

my check in tag

This is a bit long... so I’ll just add the break not to bother people with my ramblings. 

1. Why did you choose your url? I created tumblr because of a fanfic, and I've been reading them since I was 11. And I will always love fanfic. Fanfic is the answer to all life's problems and bad canons. I can't imagine living in the world where I don't have fanfic to continue a world I love or to fix issues in a world that was promising, or just to wait until the next bit of canon came out. You have to imagine I started reading fanfic when there were only 2 Harry Potter books available and I was waiting for the translation of the third one (that came out end of 2000, and yes I was reading fics by then). So yeah... I wanted something related to fanfics, and I really am terrible about online identities. Probably should've used something more creative, but oh well. I like it well enough now, it is one that applies to all fandoms I love.

2. Any side-blogs? If you have them, name them and why you have them. Yes, I have @randomsideposts as my attempt to create a tag system and save my favorite posts. I failed. I also have @kenshin-and-maki for my cats, and a third unnamed one as sort of a journal/vent blog, for those times I just need to write stuff down and I don't want to keep things to myself. No one follows me and that's the way I like it. It's kind of dark.

3. How long have you been on tumblr? A year and a half only lol a baby by Tumblr standards.

4: Do you have a queue tag? Me? Organization? What? Jokes aside, I don't really like queueing stuff. I'm either here or I'm not. I'll schedule a post for a random future time, just so I don't forget the post, but a time I know I'll be online to interact with it/the reactions to it. I do that when (for example) Louis posts and I see posts that are not related to that that I'd like to reblog, but not right at that moment.

5. Why did you start your blog in the first place? Because of a cute Larry fic where Louis and Harry become mutuals without knowing they're the other one. I liked the dynamic they described of how Tumblr worked and I wanted to see if it really was like that, because my previous experiences with Tumblr were... confusing enough that I didn't stick around for more than 20 minutes.

6. Why did you choose your icon/pfp? It's Louis and Liam, who are definitely my favorites. Don't get me wrong, I love all the boys, but Liam and Louis (and their friendship) are just really special to me. And this pic is just... so cute. Also, @whatagreatproblemtohave and @evilovesyou demanded either me or @promisethatillnevertell change our profile picture, and that we should duel to see who would keep it because it was getting confusing lol (it was one of the outtakes of the House of Solo photoshoot). I would never fight Lou so I changed it. And I love it because it has my two boys 😁💕

7. Why did you choose your header? Because the livestream was so awesome and even if it's blurry i like it. Also, I never use the desktop version of Tumblr so it's probably a mess, but I like what I see on my mobile so it'll stay.

8. Whats your post with the most notes? Probably my Youtube comments about Louis? I know it has over 1k notes, which... wow.  Also, my little wistful post about keeping the livestream format after lockdown did ok too.

9. How many mutuals do you have? No clue, but I love them all.

10. How many followers do you have? 900 or so.

11. How many people do you follow? 654 blogs

12. Have you ever made a shitpost? Who hasn't?

13. How often do you use tumblr a day? No clue, dozens of times. I won't scroll too far down, just enough to distract me for a couple minutes while I'm waiting for something to load or if my brain needs a break from work.

14. Did you once have a fight/argument with another blog once? Who won? I've argued before with a Liam blog at the end of the LP Show 2, but it was a misunderstanding, I didn't express myself the way I wanted to. Pretty sure a bunch of Liam blogs have me blocked because of it still. Other than that, I'm pretty peaceful, and I really try to just stay out of drama.

15. How do you feel about “you need to reblog” posts? I hate them. It is a passive aggressive way of someone thinking their opinion is better than yours, usually has a comment like "if you don't reblog you don't care about this" or "I don't care if it doesn't fit my blog asthetic, I'll reblog it anyway". Congrats? Do you want a star for it? I'll reblog it if I think it has important information, despite these annoying comments, but only once. If it's a post I've seen multiple times, then everyone saw it multiple times.

16. Do you like tag games? Love them, but recently I've been a bit lax. Once you start saving them in your drafts, it snowballs into unmanageable levels.

17. Do you like ask games? I love them, but whenever I reblog one I only get 1 or 2 asks. :(

18. Which of your mutuals do you think is tumblr famous? I... don't really care enough about that to keep track lol

19. Do you have a crush on a mutual? Yes, but I won't put them on the spot

20. Tags? I don’t know if you’ve done this before, so feel free to ignore it? As usual @promisethatillnevertell @whatagreatproblemtohave @technicallysideacc @maybe-i-missyou @vintageumbroshirt @thedevilinmybrain @beckydoesthings

[greensaplinggrace]

How do you manage to enjoy the fandom even with all the antis and fandom drama? You seem to have it figured out, please share your secrets!

I mean, it's certainly not a perfect system, but I do have some tricks.

For one, I'm not someone who's afraid to block liberally. As someone who's rejection sensitive and has severe anxiety issues, and as someone who's also been blocked by blogs I really liked for one reason or another, I can assure you that you have nothing to feel guilty about for blocking whoever you need to in order to curate your internet experience. Another thing I do is that I always blacklist any anti tags almost as soon as I enter any new fandom. These two tricks are pretty well known, but I feel like a lot of people don't use them quite as much as they should, largely because of Tumblr's weird insistence on guilt-tripping people about the ways they engage with fandom. But seriously, as someone who's been on Tumblr for years, just block and blacklist as much as you want to or need to. It's fine.

Personally, for fandoms with shipping wars that I heavily multiship in, like SaB and FFVII, I use blacklisting more than blocking, because the fandom is usually so divided that it's hard to find neutral or respectful blogs, and I get the most content from simply avoiding well tagged posts. Anybody who doesn't tag correctly gets blocked, and that eliminates a lot of the people who want to bait or harass others. Cross-taggers are the worst parts of a fandom. People who are anti or don't like things for personal reasons and not harassing reasons are usually very good at tagging things correctly. They're respectful of others and just want to enjoy the content they like. That's amazing and I'm totally here for it.

Also creation tags are amazing! Going into the gifmaking tags is like a breath of fresh air. It's just pure creative heaven in tags like that. You can see everybody's labors of love for this thing they're passionate about without any of the drama. It's incredibly liberating. And its easy to realize in spaces like that that this is just a group of people who love a piece of art so much they dedicate their time to engaging with it and with the people who love it on a regular basis. The people that harass others and constantly abuse fans that like the things they don't, the worst people in the fandom, are always just a very loud minority. Remove them from the equation and you've got something beautiful.

Lol honestly though, I'm not the best person to come to for this kind of thing. A lot of it is simply the stuff I do outside of tumblr. When I get frustrated with fandom, I have my siblings to talk to or vent to. When I see an anti post that I'm not able to avoid, I'll simply post a lot of positivity in the tag instead. I devote a lot of energy to turning negative emotions into positive actions. Sometimes it doesn't work, but other times I'll see someone call the darkling homophobic and then go on a bisexual!Darkling positivity spree, gifset included XD. I also have Maladaptive Daydreaming Disorder, so I pace and daydream a lot. It's stress relief to the highest degree for me, and it really helps. I go outside. I play with my niece. I discuss hcs with my fandom friends. A lot of this stuff is simply methods that work personally for me.

Honestly, when I read something really depressing I'll just like,,, go to sleep if I'm able to. A lot of this stuff should absolutely not be agonized over. Eat some food. Take a shower. Socialize. Take a nap. Get off of tumblr. Listen to some music. Watch a funny youtube video. If you're active in fandom, make some content about the things you like.

I'm really sorry if this isn't what you're looking for! Or if you were looking for something less serious and I ended up turning this into a ramble of epic proportions lmao. The truth is that I often have to disengage from fandom to remind myself there's more important stuff in the world, and that there are real people behind these screens. I love rewatching or re-engaging with the original content to remind myself why I love this thing in the first place. Writing fanfiction, creating gifsets, daydreaming about all of my elaborate and fluffy hcs - it all helps me remember that this is something I'm engaging with because I love it too, alongside so many others. Self reaffirmation. If you doubt the other people around you, look at why you're here and what brought you here. Anything that makes you feel unpleasant or bad about that, remove from the equation.

[katierosefun]

well, here we are! june basically flew by and it was a little rough, but we’re back with some long recs on cool things i’ve read/listened to/watched, and i’m about to force everyone to sit down and listen to my sleepover-esque ted talk in which i give unwarranted and unasked for rec lists. so here we go!

kdrama:

while you were sleeping

okay, so i tried to watch this kdrama when it came out in like...2017, i think? but for some reason, i wasn’t able to get past the first episode. i don’t really know why? because it’s so beautifully shot, and i super love the premise, which is basically this girl and this guy are somehow able to see things that are going to happen in the future...but only in their dreams. this whole kdrama really handled the plot super well--each episode honestly felt like a movie in itself, and the filming was just stunning, and i think this has to be one of the most visual kdramas i’ve ever seen. each character is also super interesting and complex on their own, and i really loved seeing such a strong cast of characters interact with each other in this world. 

i think the only slight downside of this kdrama was that i couldn’t really get invested in the romance? i’m not quite sure why--i found both lead actors’ performances wonderful, and don’t get me wrong, i did think they were cute together as the drama went on, but i still couldn’t find myself buying into the romance until maybe relatively late in the drama (like...ep 11 or so? ep 16 was honestly when i realized that awww, wait, they’re actually super cute). but then again, i feel like the writers weren’t really prioritizing the romance either--i think they really wanted us to think about the beauty of dreams and redemption and how everyone can touch another person’s life in some significant way, so i can’t really be mad about it!

but anyways, overall i really enjoyed this kdrama and watched it all a lot faster than i thought i would! SOLID music, beautiful cinematography, good acting, mostly good writing, and some really memorable characters! def. a must-watch if you love suspense, aesthetics, and some wonderful characters.

the ghost detective

i’m someone who doesn’t like horror or scary things at all, but i was so intrigued by the plot and whatever material i saw on tumblr, and...of course, choi daniel, lee joo young, lee ji ah, and park eun bin. honestly, this is just a really wonderful and really underrated cast, and they really all brought out their a-game for this 32-episode supernatural / thriller / horror drama. basically, this kdrama follows the story of a young woman who’s trying to figure out who murdered her younger sister...and of course, there’s something supernatural going on. 

honestly, this kdrama was such a ride. i loved the crime-solving aspect of it, and i was really in love with the interactions between all the characters, esp. that of eun bin and daniel’s characters. (guys...they’re so ride and die for each other. there’s also so much yearning. so much yearning in this kdrama, it just about killed me--) 

the villain was absolutely, appropriately, elegantly creepy, and like...scary beyond belief. basically, the villain (lee ji ah’s character) feeds her victims these harmful thoughts and ultimately get them to kill themselves. it’s sad and haunting, especially when you see that the victims tell their victims “don’t listen to the bad things. try only to listen to the good things”. and...yeah. themes of how to handle all of these bad feelings inside of you really came through in this kdrama, and there were a lot of themes of suicide and the kind of rage and sadness that comes with that. (also! if you’re a fan of lots of angsty/whumpy situations....this kdrama definitely does not hold back with all of your fave whump/angst tropes! literally! every! episode! i! had! to! lie! down! because! too! powerful!)

school 2013 

(aww, look at this precious cast…as though they didn’t all make me ugly cry at least five times—)

yeah, yeah, yeah, i’ve talked about this kdrama ad nauseum, and i know i watched it last month, but as i was studying for the lsat, i really, really, really needed some comfort. most notably comfort re: studying life, academics, how difficult it is to study but also be uncertain of your dreams…and if you are certain of your dreams, how that sometimes requires studying but that just makes life all the more overwhelming…can you tell i’ve been thinking about this a lot

i’m not going to ramble more about this kdrama considering i already have done so multiple times, but i enjoyed this rewatch and honestly,,,my love for this show has just grown even more. there’s a good reason why people consider this a comfort kdrama, because. i consider myself deeply comforted. also, i’ve been listening to the ost for the whole month. it’s become a problem. but sometimes. sometimes you need to listen to songs that feel like someone’s patting you on the head and telling you don’t give up, set down your burdens, don’t think you’re alone and dream whatever you want to dream, go wherever you want to go. i’ll stop talking now, but god. when i say that i think everyone who has ever felt incredibly tired by work or school and just wished for someone to give them a big hug either then or now...god. this is just one of those kdramas that i think honestly touched so many people’s lives, and i’m very grateful for the cast and crew and writers for ever bringing this story to life. :’) (god, okay, now i’ll stop talking before i make myself cry i’m fine this is fine)

your honor

so, i watched this kdrama thinking that it would be light and funny given that yoon shi yoon is the main male lead, but boy was i wrong--don’t be fooled by these happy little faces, this kdrama is heavy. this kdrama is about a young man (with a criminal record) who winds up impersonating his twin brother, who happens to be a judge. we also have a trainee who, after seeing the legal system fail her older sister, is on the rise to dispense justice through the courts the best she can.

honestly, the first few episodes were rough, mostly because of the content. big trigger warning for rape, violence, and sexual harassment at work. this kdrama really didn’t hold back when it came to addressing how the very people who use the law can also be the very same people who manipulate and abuse it. because of that, i found this kdrama incredibly powerful. that said, it certainly had its lighthearted moments too. 

overall though, i liked this kdrama. the main characters were incredibly complex and genuinely the type to make me believe that for all the injustices in the world, there are still and always will be people fighting for the right thing. as someone who wants to enter the legal field, this kdrama was just uplifting. i was so blown away by the absolute rawness of the main two leads, esp. yoon shi yoon, who i’ve only ever seen in super lighthearted kdramas. so this was a really interesting change of pace, and i genuinely enjoyed watching this!

waiting for love

so this kdrama is just two episodes, and what’s better is that it’s available on youtube! it’s about two college students--a young woman who’s been hurt by falling in love with jerks now just wants to date, not really fall in love...and a young man who’s excellent at giving dating advice except he’s afraid that he’s never going to actually fall in love, so he just dates a girl for the sake of dating.

now, i kinda thought that this show was going to be kinda lighthearted, a little shallow--but it was weirdly...comforting? idk, i found myself liking it a lot more than i thought it would be. this is far from the perfect kdrama, and i kinda wished that we got more than 2 episodes because i think some of the plot points could have been better expanded, but...there were genuinely a lot of scenes that made me think a bit more about what it actually means to be in a loving relationship--like how it’s not enough to just put on a happy smile and eat meals together, but like...you know. there has to be trust and actual liking and also, yeah, maybe a bit of frustration in order to actually know whether a relationship is real or not. and given that the characters were all discussing the pressure on getting married and romance esp. when you’re in your twenties...idk. makes you think about are you dating someone for the sake of appearances? or do you genuinely...like them?

there was also quite a few tropes that i personally adore in this kdrama, which helped balance out the stuff i found more tiring. there was a lot of the “right person, wrong time” stuff going on (you really want the two main leads to get together after a certain point, and you just keep holding your breath whenever they walk past each other and beg please please please let it be this time...), and also that good old “two strangers fall in love with each other purely over writing to each other” (god. first the half of it, then me & au, then greenhouse podcast...something about this trope huh). that said, there were def. some parts that made me “:////” because some of the characters were kind of frustrating, but i’m gonna chalk that up to good writing since i think i was mostly mad about how i knew people like some of the characters lol. overall, i think this might be at least semi-enjoyable--it’s probably not something i’ll watch again, but it def. made me mull over what it means to actually be in a loving relationship, esp. if you’re in your twenties and everyone around you seems to be in happy romantic relationships/getting engaged and whatnot. 

movie: 

columbus 

i’m a firm believer that there are some movies that are meant to cheer you up, some movies meant to make you cry, and then there’s some movies that are just meant to...sit with you. and this movie is definitely one of them. this story follows casey, a high school graduate, and jin, the son of a famous architect. the two of them are both so incredibly exhausted with their lives (casey with her constant worry about her mother, who’s a recovering drug addict; jin with his surface-level lack of concern for his comatose father). in their small town of columbus, indiana, the two of them bond over architecture and just. being quietly there for each other.

this movie’s been compared a few times to lost in translation in the sense that there’s this not quite romance between the two leads, who have a bit of an age gap (john cho and haley lu richardson have about 20 between them!). to be honest, i didn’t really get the sense that there was supposed to be a romance. if anything, it just felt like...two really lonely people finding each other. definitely not a simple friendship--definitely not a familial kind of relationship, definitely intimate. 

idk. i think this movie might not be for everyone--i definitely agree with a lot of past reviewers that this movie is on the slower side. there’s some stuff here about complicated relationships with parents, a lot of cool architecture, really beautiful shots...and overall, it’s just...quiet. it’s lovely, and i can’t really stop thinking about it. it’s subtle, bittersweet, and oddly compelling. might not be the kind of thing you’d want to watch in the middle of the day, but if you’re a little sad and in the mood for something not to necessarily lift your spirits but...at least acknowledge them and sit with you, then...this is the movie to watch. idk. i felt kind of crummy the day i watched this movie, and i felt as though someone just sat next to me on a park bench until the sun went down. (mayhaps specific but hush, i’m writing this right after finishing this movie, so i’m...feeling a certain way.)

wish dragon 

i watched this movie right after watching columbus because a) decided i was in the mood for something lighter, and b) i learned that john cho?? voiced?? the dragon?? (caroline your crush on john cho’s jumping out this month...) 

but anyways! i loved this movie a lot. it was so satisfying? like, just narratively speaking? and the animation was wonderful and also weirdly smooth and satisfying, and there were a lot of funny and touching moments. this movie’s about this young man named din who stumbles upon a magical teapot that holds the wish dragon long--long has to grant din three wishes, and yes, i know, very aladdin, but that said, this movie has so many original twists that it feels weird to call it an aladdin retelling. it really did feel like a movie completely on its own, which i applaud the writer and director for! 

i don’t want to spoil too much of this movie, but something i really enjoyed was that din’s main wish is just to see his old childhood friend again. idk, i think we all have that one friend from when we were really little that we miss--and this movie really dug into that, as well as themes about parents wanting to do the best they can to provide for their kids, and!!! and long the dragon gets his own storyline and amazing character development too!!! i was honestly just amazed at how this movie fleshed out the characters so well and had so many wonderful themes that just made me tear up. guys. this movie’s great. highly recommend for its wonderful characters and the power of friendship. just a grand old time in general. :’))

searching 

yeah...yeah, i wasn’t kidding about my crush on john cho this month. yes, i watched three of his movies within 24 hours. this movie is about david kim who’s looking for his missing 16 year old daughter, margot. this film is honestly noteworthy for many reasons, one of them being that the entire movie is told through like...a laptop screen, as in we kind of follow david’s frantic search through facetime, facebook, tumblr...which i honestly didn’t think i’d be into, but whoo boy, i was wrong. it just added to the whole addictive quality of this movie, as it usually does when it comes to anything from the thriller genre. 

but besides this just being a straight up addictive thriller with absolutely mouth-dropping twists (but like...good twists, and smart twists, good god--), this movie was just...touching? there’s so many themes related to what grief does to a family (because we learn within the first 10 minutes that the mom died due to cancer), and there’s just...something really fragile about relationships between surviving family members. i was absolutely blown away by john cho’s performance as a tentative and grieving widower whose world just absolutely falls apart in his search for his daughter. this movie was just so...real because of that. like, yes, this movie has all of the suspense that you would expect this kind of movie to have, but there was also just...so many beautiful themes about grief and how far parents would go for their kids and godddd yeah no i started sobbing when the movie ended. god. 

also, my bias towards john cho aside, i...really loved his character. david kim is absolutely believable, and like? he’s not just the guy putting the pieces together--he’s also the guy who misses his wife and also the guy who wishes that he was there for his daughter. he’s also the guy who pauses and re-writes all his text messages because he’s trying to be a good dad. i feel like with a lot of these suspense / missing person movies, it’s really easy to have characters who are just the stoic alpha male types--and david kim definitely had his badass moments in this movie, but like...something i just loved was seeing the vulnerability that comes with...having a missing child. being a parent. god. this movie messed me up but in a good way. i can honestly say that this movie is now probably going to be one of my fave movies of all time. highly recommend, am literally obsessed with it.

book:

the seven husbands of evelyn hugo by taylor jenkins reid

ohohoho………where to begin with this book. this was one of those books where i was like “huh i kinda don’t understand why people are so obsessed with this book”, but then i hit like...page 20 or 30 and was like “oh god i Literally Cannot Put This Book Down Oh No” and wound up finishing it in like three days (mind you, i only read at like...midnight these days. i don’t understand why either). 

i finished this book at like 2 am and promptly burst into tears because this was just one of those books. it follows the story of evelyn hugo, a famous hollywood actress from the 60s or so and onwards. known for her intense beauty and her seven husbands, she’s now giving an exclusive interview to the young reporter monique grant, where she’s about to tell all about her life. this book had me dropping my mouth multiple times, and i think tjr can spin one hell of a story, with so many good twists and turns and intensely memorable characters. by the end of the book, i was actually mad that evelyn hugo wasn’t a real person, because i, too, fell a little in love with her and thought, i want to actually watch her movies. i want to learn even more about this remarkable woman. 

but alas! she’s not real, so i don’t get to see her accept an oscar or look up all the tabloids about her and her seven husbands or her speculated (and very, very, very real) relationship with celia st. john. basically...i just loved this book. the last line made me smile and laugh and cry a little bit (actually...cry a lot), and y’know...i’ll admit it’s not totally perfect, but i’m glad this book exists, and i’m glad that even though tjr isn’t bi herself, was very adamant in this book about bisexuality being real. just. like. god. once again. mad that evelyn hugo isn’t real. it’s fine, she’s real in my heart.

[marcilled]

[this is gonna be a big long post about minecraft youtuber drama... press J to scroll past this if you don’t care about that. lol. sorry]

idunno if anybody took my post the other day as me “cancelling dream for cheating in a videogame”, i posted it mostly out of bemusement of the whole situation, and because that video was really well put-together. (context: his 1.16 speedruns were disqualified by the minecraft speedrun.com moderators & there was a video & document explaining why).

I definitely don’t correlate cheating a speedrun w/ ableism, racism, etc etc. I already knew about a lot of nasty shit dream has done, like the video he did with Notch, and how all of his early content was about pewdiepie, just further normalizing those two to his young audience. I’ve always disliked him for those things, which I’ve been aware of pretty much as long as I’ve known of him, and he has never apologized for those things. It’s why whenever I posted about him before (which was... maybe once or twice?), I always say “don’t stan him or anything he sucks”.

I had no idea there was so much more to it honestly. It’s kind of galling seeing the full context now, because whenever I’ve seen any kind of criticism against him, it’s been him presenting it in an apology. I dunno why I wasn’t suspicious of this given what I already knew about him, but the guy seems to be very clever with how he damage controls any sort of possible controversy regarding him. He presents a really heartfelt, honest apology for whatever happened and gives a few cherrypicked examples of things that people said about him and says how wrong he was and how he doesn’t want to alienate his viewers.

The fact that it’s Dream presenting the evidence of his controversies, means that he gets to control how the conversation goes. Instead of a popular “mcyt” stan account getting to control the conversation, pointing out the shit he’s said and done, he addresses it in a livestream, and does not provide the original context. Huh, I wonder why. It’s almost as if he doesn’t want everyone to see that his mistakes are more than just little “oopsies”, it’s him being actively malicious and getting so defensive that he tells off anybody who could possibly disagree with his view of things.

While his actions and words are pretty horrid on their own, I think the thing that has me most concerned about Dream is... He seems pretty fuckin’ good at manipulating peoples’ perception of him.

-----

After the video about his speedruns being cheated came out the other day, he had this to say on twitter (this is his second, “personal” account):

Now, as I said before, cheating in a videogame isn’t at all comparable to racism or ableism. What I’m trying to point out here is his response to any sort of criticism.

The video he’s referring to is this one, published by Geosquare 2 days ago (dec 11th). What’s interesting to note here is how he singles out Geosquare specifically in this tweet. If you click on the video, the first few seconds establishes that it’s a video made by the entire Minecraft java edition speedrunning mod team (which is made up of a team of over a dozen people). The video and document was a true team effort from every single one of them, and it only got posted to Geosquare’s account (& got his narration) because he’s already a youtuber with a pretty comfortable amount of subscribers.

So, instead of pointing his ire (and those of his many, many fans) at the whole speedrun mod team, instead, he points it squarely on Geosquare, so that people have a convenient name to latch onto. He then accuses Geosquare of using his name as “clickbait” in order to get “easy views”, sowing the seed of this idea that Geosquare is doing this in an opportunistic grab for personal gain. If you clicked on the video and saw the description/pinned comment, you’d see that not only did Geosquare disable monetization on the video, he disabled monetization on his entire channel for as long as this drama goes on (and he knew there would be drama, dream made extra sure to threaten the mods with a video of his own in retaliation if they ended up banning him).

Then, in a reply to the first tweet, he says that there are “multiple moderators” messaging him saying the verdict was “biased” and that they may quit the mod team. He provides no evidence for this. However, if you click on the tweet and view any of the thousands of replies from his fans, it doesn’t matter that he gave no evidence, his word is enough. If you’re wondering, Geosquare and a few other mods have stated many times that it was a group decision on their part, and nobody had any question in their mind that Dream must have cheated. So... Dream, who are these “mods” that are messaging you? He won’t say.

Lastly here, I want to point out that in his next tweet on the matter, he makes this very bitter comment about how useless it was for them to investigate a “16th place run”. It’s a minor detail, but I think it’s worth mentioning; this kind of downplays how impressive his run was at the time. At the time he submitted his sub-20 minute speedrun, it was a top 5 run, in a very competitive category of speedrunning the game. In the 2 months since, several people have passed his time using new strats, but that doesn’t diminish the fact it was a pretty amazing “run”... if it weren’t cheated of course. But, I’m just rambling on about how petty I am about him cheating at this point so let me get back to the main point here.

If you see the numbers on these tweets (hundreds of thousands of likes), you’ll understand why this is pretty scary for those speedrun mods. The same day this happened Geosquare joked around “I’ve only gotten one death threat so far!”. Dream’s fanbase is unparalleled in minecraft youtube, and incredibly sizeable for a youtube channel overall. If you’re not familiar with this new wave of “mcyt” minecraft accounts, it’s... it’s pretty much exclusively because of Dream’s fame. He’s the driving force of minecraft youtube content right now. Any youtuber who even breathes near the guy blows up in subscribers & views. His minecraft server, “Dream SMP”, is like... it has a legitimate cultural impact, whether that sentence disgusts you or not. Especially for young gen Z kids.

The point I’m trying to make is, ever since he came onto the scene in early 2019, he’s grown and grown at exponential rates, and I can’t understate the kind of influence he has on not just his own fans, but the fans of like. Pretty much anyone who is plugged in to anything minecraft youtube related right now.

People have discussed this before, but Dream’s sudden rise to fame happened shockingly quick. So quick that it’s almost impossible it were by accident. He’d spent something like a year or two studying how the youtube algorithm works, how famous youtubers grow their popularity, etc. He spent a lot of time studying, and it paid off for him. It makes me wonder if he’s studied how youtubers deal with controversy as well. Because it seems like he’s doing everything right to keep his fans “loyal” to him.

So I think it’s not unreasonable to say that it is pretty goddamn concerning when he reacts to criticism like this. His immense fanbase, who are often worryingly obsessed with him, of mostly impressionable kids... It’s a recipe for disaster, in the hands of someone so entitled and immature.

I think what really has me worried, though, is a video he published to his second channel the other day. Recently, he published a video about his “stans”. The entire video essentially boiled down to him disputing claims that “dream stans” were toxic, or that stanning people or “stan culture” was creepy/unhealthy. He spent a lot of the video comparing stans of content creators to passionate fans of football teams, and expressed repeatedly how he thought it was normal and OK to be totally obsessed with a content creator and engage in “stan culture”, as long as you weren’t being a legitimate stalker. He pretty much only talked about the positives of being a Dream Stan, and how positive the “community” is. The whole video painted this really idealistic image of what it means to be a Stan of a person, and fandom in general.

Now... I don’t know about everyone else reading this, but I found that video to be... incredibly creepy and weird. It completely ignores any actual arguments about how stan culture can be unhealthy, and how engaging so heavily in parasocial relationships can be quite damaging, especially to younger people.

But, mostly? It seemed like the whole video was basically designed just to reinforce the most unhealthy impulses of his stans, and reward them with the positive encouragement that he actually enjoys it when they are obsessed with him so much that they can’t imagine he could ever possibly do anything wrong.

And that? That is fucking dangerous for a person with such a huge fanbase to be peddling to their fans.

Surely, he must know- a great deal of his fans are so obsessed with him, that they think they know him as well as, if not more than, a personal friend. So that when he does something disagreeable and wrong, and he claims “no that’s not how it happened, they’re biased and trying to cancel me because they’re jealous”, they just take that at face value, because why would he lie? He’s so honest and genuine in his videos and livestreams!

This sort of behavior from Dream, along with his tweets I posted earlier, reads to me as if he knows exactly what he’s doing. I think he is purposefully insulating his fans from the truth of his actions, so that he can present this idealistic picture of him in their mind, so that it seems absurd that he would do something wrong.

I think it’s only a matter of time before it comes out he’s done something much worse, honestly. What it is, is hard to say- he’s already done so much that anyone reading this should rescind their support for him, imo. But, I know that none of this matters to his millions of fans. While I worry for them, I also worry for anyone who becomes a target of Dream. I could see this speedrunning drama being the start of a downward spiral for him. Things could get real ugly with all that minecraft clout getting to his head... I guess we’ll have to wait and see.

TL;DR, dream sucks, and not just because he cheats at videogames.

I apologize again for writing a multi paragraph post about a minecraft youtuber. I will not post about this anymore (probably) please do not unfollow me .

[thegreymoon]

Hi!! I love your posts about Untamed and I thought about watching it but I wanted to ask, do you like actors' performance? It's just the gifs I see all look the same to me, I don't see any serious change in their face expressions, that bothers me a little. Like, you describe your reactions and I'd think the scenes would look intense but the on the gifs, characters just always look stony.

Hi, anon!

I absolutely love the actors’ performance (the main group, anyway), however, you have to take into account the genre and cultural expectations here. I have exactly one person IRL that I could recommend this to, expect her to enjoy it and not look at me as if I have gone insane fifteen minutes in. This is essentially a soap opera with zombies, and if you are to stand any chance of enjoying it, you have to accept it for what it is.  

First of all, the budget they had for this show did not even come close to matching their ambitions, so the monsters and the CGI are hilariously bad, which is unfortunate, considering the world it is set in. The battles are also rather sad, because they filmed with only a handful of extras, and I would be lying if I said that it didn’t show.

Another important thing here is that you have to completely let go of expectations that you have for western shows, especially the ones that are ‘gritty’ and ‘realistic’. We are used to our heroes being all sweaty, filthy and loud. The blood and the grime are a staple, and so is a whole string of vulgarities that writers rely on for shock value because they couldn’t otherwise write a coherent and satisfying story to save their life (TWD, GoT, looking at you 😠). In The Untamed, you will have your main characters make it through what is supposed to be a pivotal battle with not a single hair out of place and white robes absolutely pristine. Is it realistic? LOL, no. Do I care? LOL, again, no. 

However, I know a lot of people (men, especially) who would gripe endlessly about this and turn it into a mockery. What they fail to understand is that this is not ‘bad’, it is just a different way of doing things. If you cannot suspend your disbelief for things like that, flying swords and perfectly pitched music that kills dozens on the battlefield with a single note, then this show is not for you. Also, please keep in mind that what we may consider ‘bad acting’ is very often, in this case, simply a matter of a different acting style. 

As for the actors themselves, in the context of this show, genre and what is expected of them, I think they are fantastic. For comparison, none of them are, say, Colin Morgan, but they are all leaps and bounds better than, for example, Henry Cavil, who, once you get past his muscles, is as interesting as watching paint dry. The majority of them are also still very young (think early-to-mid-twenties) and for some of them, this was one of their first roles and I don’t think anyone expected The Untamed to blow up as much as it did. On the subject of performance, the only thing that actually throws me off from time to time is that the voices are all dubbed (this is just how it is done in China), so I catch some dissonance here and there. 

The main lead is very, very vibrant and goes through every emotion there is on screen and I find him incredibly adorable. His main love interest is the only one who may be described as ‘stony’ but this is very much intentional because he is playing a certain character type. When it comes to performance, he is one of my favourites, because he is playing such an incredibly complex character almost entirely through microexpressions, so when he smiles or cries, or shows anything at all, even though he barely moves a muscle, it is a huge fucking deal and an entire legion of fangirls worldwide squeals in unison. 

His brother (my favourite) is very similar and, again, this is intentional. The difference between them is that while the first one is ‘stony’, the other one is completely neutral. He always smiles pleasantly and radiates an insane amount of calming energy, and again, you have to rely on microexpressions to tell when he is a second away from going feral and committing murder. I am fascinated by both of them, in the sense that they both dress the same and act the same, yet one is vibrating with such intense murder energy the entire time, while the other emanates peace even under the worst of circumstances. 

Anyway, the point is, all of the characters are very distinct, their personalities are wildly different and their choices in life range from soft and benevolent to cold-blooded vengeance and unhinged murder. Another big thing in this show is how they portray the difference between good and evil, as compared to politeness and acting out of turn. They start with cookie-cutter, simplistic villains and move up in complexity. The story itself is very fascinating, not to mention, one of the best and most respectful portrayals of a gay love story I have ever seen on film in spite of the censorship and all the other limitations they had to deal with. 

Another thing that you have to be aware of is that the subtitles on YouTube are hilariously bad, but even if you watch it elsewhere, Chinese does not always translate particularly well into English. Also, the show is filled to the brim with tropes that are very familiar to the viewers in China, who get an additional level of delight from seeing them subverted, but which will be really unfamiliar to western viewers, who will often end up confused. It was only after I read The Dumb Husky and His White Cat Shizun (which is the same genre as the novel The Untamed was adapted from) that some of the things in the show suddenly made sense, so I can only imagine how many other little things just flew right over my head. 

Anyway, sorry for making this so long, anon, but if you do decide to watch this show, please keep in mind that the first two episodes are likely to be very, very confusing and strange. Just keep pushing! Everything becomes clear as you get further along, and at one point, those first two episodes just smack you over the head with how much sense they make retroactively and then you just want to sit down a little and cry 😢 

If, however, you cannot get past the messy CGI and the acting style, one thing I would like to recommend is trying the donghua (animated series) instead. I have not watched it yet, but it is really beautiful, and when I cried to one of my friends about this show, she told me, ‘Wait... that sounds familiar!’ and it turned out that even though she did not know about the drama, she has already watched/is watching the donghua, and she tells me that it is fantastic. 

Anyway, here are some ⭐⭐⭐⭐ for all of you who made it through my rambling here! How does one give short answers? Someone, please teach me how!! 😭😭

[icharchivist]

though now that i’m done with ff15 this is kinda fun to me to look back to my history with this game

from how i used to watch the first trailers to FF13 Versus on youtube in 2007/2008 when i was 12/13 being obsessed with Noctis, falling out of video games only to be obsessed back with FF right on time in 2015 when i was 20 (when the ff7 remake was first announced) enough to get to the page on every little drama that happened in the production of ff15 as it went from ff13 versus to ff15 

to seeing people talk so much about the game i wanted to find a way to have it when it got released, that i ended up watching Brotherhood and Kingsglaive in preparation for that, and following every press announcement of ff15 so much so that i have so many magazines talking about it (and posters!!), as well as this period i remember we were theorizing (and even correctly predicting) the game together in the ff fandom as we were waiting , but well, never could actually play the game (couldn’t afford it/wasn’t allowed to use the TV anyway lol)  and justified to myself that anyway i would have been too overwhelmed/too bad at games to play it.

to have it spoiled to me in the next few weeks and losing mostly interest because the ff fanbase was salty as hell and every little argument against ff15 got stuck into my brain for years thinking the game must have sucked and then having a “actually why do i care about fandom opinions” awakening a couple years later that brought my interest back but i was far gone by then, so i just had a passive love for the chocobros and knew most of the plot but never would have played it anyway

in the meantime i had started to get more into PC gaming but it was on my old pc that couldn’t stand newer generations of games

and a couple years ago i remember waking up from dreams involving the chocobros and i was vibrating and obsessed with ff15 for days i kept talking about it, i ended up downloading the demo on my old computer and struggling through it but i was having a blast with the bros i didn’t care it was barely playing, and i was rambling about it so much that some of my friends decided to buy the game for me on steam, which i’m still so soft about....

i tried to play it more then, but after Chapter 2, especially with the magitek engine spawning, my PC really couldn’t keep up anymore and i couldn’t keep up with the game. My PC ultimately broke anyway and i didn’t touch the game anymore for a while. 

when i bought a gaming PC what was it, last year? i was too far removed from the game to play it again and i left it aside doing other stuff then.

and it took discussing about FF games with Peten who was mentioning how much bun loved ff15 for me to just. want to start playing it again. 

and i ended up finishing it in what, two weeks? 

idk it’s just. so wild to me because i’ve been thinking about Noctis and this game a lot since i’m 13, i still have this weird, perticular connection to the FF games due to this specific time of my life where i found so much comfort in just knowing about them. And then this call back to it in 2015 which was one of the most... specific years i’ve been through and the ff fandom was a place i felt very good, for a while at least. (ff and dgm have always been fandoms i’ve held very close to my heart if only for the timeperiod those were for me and what they brought me especially in my own understanding of myself - guess bc of the “i fell into it when i was 13, fell out of it, and came back when i was 20 realizing how much it had actually shaped who i am” way) And how i tried to play it when i still couldn’t really do it and was always a bit sad i couldn’t get through with it. And now finishing it in two weeks.

like. it’s a 13 years journey that i had since the first time i thought ‘i want to play this game” and having actually finished it. This is such a weird experience to me to look back on. 

All those moments of genuine interests that just couldn’t align with the state of my life then, and i guess it does reflect too on how my life changed in those 13 years. 

but it’s just, so weird to be able to get through and finish something i’ve wanted to try so many times in 13 years with always the feeling i could never actually do it. 

(it doesn’t help too that because of various reasons i had a bad track record on not managing to finish games that i kinda always had a fatalistic approach over it (between life getting in the way and the fact i struggle to focus very hard when i’m not 100% passionated), but those past few years i’ve been getting through that a lot more too and that too is something that’s wild to reflect on)

and now it’s here, it’s done, it’s over. It’ll keep a place in my heart and i’ll come back to it so i don’t mean it in a way to say it’s over, but it’s weird to finally kinda put a close to this whole thing. This trip that started 13 years ago, only accessible in the last 6 years, and has been finally seen to its end.

It’s another layer of making me emotional over it DLKJFDLK

so yeah. tons of thoughts about it tonight and about my history with ff in general linking to it (this is the third time i write this post bc i ended up going off the rail too in depth too in details the other times DKLFJDf) . It’s so weird. 

but there we are i guess. what a journey.

so yeah shout out to Peten for giving me the last push i needed but also to all the ff friends i had back in the days and that are still sticking around, whom i talked about the game with years ago now to see it all being over with now... I have a lot of thoughts and emotions about all of this all over again and my heart is full tonight. (and ofc shout out to the people who stuck around and indulged in my yelling, it’s just that.. man it’s SO WEIRD to get back to actually finish something that had had my interest for 13 years without being able to get through it and it’s even wilder to know there may be some people on there who knows and have seen this years back about me it’s just. so wild.)

what a trip. what a trip.

[shimmerjjang]

#Startup Seo Dal Mi Makeup & Outfit Look + My K-Drama Ramblings

우와~ 진짜 오랜만이다 여러분..

Gosh, as of writing, I just finished shedding a bucket of tears after watching the last episode of tvN’s Startup on Netflix. It was quite an emotional ride. It was fun, but I’m still left in a trance because I’m not sure how am I supposed to move on with Han Ji Pyeong’s character lol

Anyhooo, as a way for me to celebrate my love for this K-Drama, I thought of recreating Seo Dalmi’s (Bae Suzy) Date/Breakup Makeup & Outfit Look which she sported in Episode 12. Dalmi rarely dolls herself up in this drama, but when she did for her date with Nam Do San, she nailed it 100%! I uploaded a video of this on my IGTV which you can see here. But since I can’t really figure out how to properly embed it here on Tumblr, I also uploaded it on YouTube. Yeah I know, 10 years on Tumblr and I’m still this noob. Do San help me! kk~

It’s best viewed on mobile because it’s vertical! haha! It sure is mega difficult to look even just a bit closer to Suzy, but at least the fringe kinda worked, right? haha! 

There’s nothing much to explain with the makeup look, because it’s just super simple! I think the only special thing I can share here is the oil-pressing technique I did in which I applied 2 drops of oil on a damp sponge and pressed it over my base makeup (in this case, I only used concealer). This way, it’ll create a ‘glass-skin’ finish that’ll also help bounce off light to minimize appearance of deep acne scars like mine. ^^

Just in case you are curious, here’s the full list of the products I used:

Keep Cool Ocean Mist (available at Charis)

The Saem Cover Perfection Tip Concealer in 1.5 Natural Beige

Skinpotions Snow Potion Oil

Skinpotions Glowdust in Sizzle

Pixi Beauty x Chloe Morello Palette

Innisfree Blusher in #03 Ripe Fig

Laneige Wild at Heart Palette

Laneige Milky Way Burgundy Two Tone Shadow Bar

Laneige Two Tone Lip Bar in Dear Pink

Forencos Plum Burgundy Eyeliner

Clio Rouge Velvet Lipstick #3 Muse City

Etude House Be My Universe Palette

Heroine Makeup Mascara

Here are more snaps of my Dal Mi-inspired Date/Breakup Look ^^

I’m currently sifting through the internet just to find a similar jumper dress! I’m already waiting for it to arrive in my doorstep. I hope it fits! 

For now, this denim jumper which I had for a while now is the closest I can get, plus my white ruffled cotton top as inner blouse. TMI, this denim jumper used to be a bit tight but I think I unintentionally lost a bit of weight in the past months. ahe~

Aigooooooo. I don’t want to spoil anyone who hasn’t seen tvN’s Startup yet. But I’m assuming only a few people will stumble upon this post so I guess I’m free to ramble aimlessly here lol 

Startup just means so much because I can relate to it. Being someone who worked with several startup companies, I felt the difficulties that the characters faced. From the fun and excitement of brainstorming ideas in hopes of turning them into reality to the hardships of securing investors. Tbh, it’s pretty much the same thing I liked about one of my favorite K-Dramas of all time “Because This is My First Life” - the love story’s just a bonus!

Startup is perfect, but the second-male lead syndrome here is just so major! Ugh, the way they developed Han Ji Pyeong’s (played by Kim Seon Ho) character is amazing and it really shone all throughout the drama. They built his character up so well but had him stuck in this “lonely bubble” until the end. It’s depressing! Thank goodness for Halmeoni because she made sure our Jipyeong won’t get the saddest ending he surely doesn’t deserve! 

I see the point though, most particularly in his last conversation/scene with Seo Dal Mi. He’s just too late. He had 15 years, and then another extra 3 years - but he just didn’t take all those chances. He’s just a huge ball of regret. Aigoo

Oh well, please don’t do this again to us, writer-nim haha

Well, still #TeamHanJiPyeong until the end. But I’m happy for Do San and Dal Mi ^^ The final scene kinda made up for it. At least we all get to see his super bright smile! He looked genuinely happy nemen hehe

Now let me continue binge-watching 2 Days & 1 Night (1박2일) to make up for this sadness haha! Wah, I used to watch 1박2일 all the time on KBS World but stopped at around 2014 or 2015. I’m glad I get to see it again thanks to Seonho-jjing! Kim Seon Ho is a regular member in S4! hihi~

That’s enough rambling! See you on Instagram (@shimmerjjang)! I update there all the time! ^^

[bendthekneejon]

Hey any advice on keeping hope? I really want to but with some of these (f)leaks these days I get more and more stressed and I try to avoid them but head just keeps spinning the possibilities. Your list helps for all the possibilities but I just need some assurances if it is not a bother

Hi anon, take a deep breath. Try to examine the fleaks with more reason than emotion, remembering what you know about the characters and the plot. I’m gonna ramble a lot now. 

We’ll start with Dany. Her story is one of empowerment, a source of strength for slaves, women, etc. and a hugely inspiring character for the audience as well. Her arch is one of overcoming adversities, of growing up, of striving to help people.

And madness? She’s wondered a bunch of times in ASOIAF if she’s mad, she’s scared about that. But tbh, haven’t you heard that asking yourself if you’re mad means that you aren’t? Lol, anyway, she’s never enjoyed murdering others. She banned torture ffs. She wasn’t like Cersei who sipped her wine as she smiled while watching the Sept burn to the ground. 

I’ll tell you something that just happened to me. I got into an argument defending Dany on Facebook this week. I was saying how clear Martin has been that she’s a selfless and devoted queen and not a mad one, and that D&D are clearly forcing this “role” into her for the sake of drama. A bunch of book readers came after me to tell me I was wrong. They told me they found book!Dany unbearable and annoying, and that the show had changed her character for the audience to like her better, that they wrote her friendlier and nicer. 

Now, idk if you’ve read the books anon, but when people call Dany annoying they’re usually referring to i. how she usually yells “but i’m a targaryen!” and ii. when she fell in love with daario and she was horny af. Now, I don’t think neither of these are wrong (first, her last name is what she uses to demand respect bc she’s a small girl; and 2nd, she’s a teenager who’s lonely as fuck OF COURSE she’s horny and needs some cuddling and good dick ffs). Anyway I’m rambling. I wanted to get to the following point: for these anti book!Dany dudes, show!Dany was less annoying and friendlier for the audience (even though she’s cute and funny in asoiaf anyway). So I realized they were contradicting themselves. If D&D have made show!Dany more likeable and friendly by omitting certain scenes from asoiaf (eg. when she made out with daario in front of everyone), it’s because D&D are emphasizing the characterization of a good queen. If they wanted her to be the ultimate villain, the “mad” queen, they would have included maybe the time when she tortured the wineseller’s daughter (that doesn’t make her mad though, she banned torture after that), they would have added MORE violence to prove this point. But they didn’t. Instead, they’ve shown this selfless queen risking her life, dragons and armies to save her bf and then the WORLD. They could’ve omitted that. They could’ve made her kill Varys when he told her he wouldn’t give her blind loyalty, but instead, they wrote a line where she tells him: “if you ever see i’m failing the people, you’ll look me in the eye and tell me how i’m failing them”. See my point? If D&D wanted her to truly become mad, they would’ve made an effort to build that progressive fall to madness like they did with Cersei, but they didn’t. 

This quote is important: “So you don’t want anything to surprise you for surprise’s sake. You want everything to feel earned and to look back and go ‘okay, yeah, I could see how they were building to that.’ And from that I know from the final season, it does that.” (James Hibberd, EW’s Game of Thrones Weekly podcast). The thing is, the mad queen bullshit DOES FEEL unearned, because D&D have strived to show the opposite through the seasons. It’s a “surprise for surprise’s sake”, so it makes no sense with this quote. You know those YouTube videos that are called “Every Daenerys Targaryen Scene”? Watch them. Watch her arch, watch for yourself how D&D have built her. 

Now, Jonerys’ plot is also crucial for this mad dany bullshit. Let’s examine the order of events in their love story:

Jon meets Dany and he’s annoyed by her (and she by him), thinking at the start that she’s just power hungry like Cersei and just wants the IT. He even wonders if she really is the Mad King’s daughter when he talks to Tyrion on the cliff.

Jon starts realizing she’s not thaaat bad when she gives him access to the mines.

Jon witnesses Dany risking her life and dragons to save him and his people, which made him realize he had misjudged her.

Jon finally “sees her for what she is” and falls in love with her true personality. 

So, if D&D’s point is that Jon is gonna kill Dany bc he didn’t know her well enough (enough to realize she’s mad), they would’ve had him fall in love with her the moment he met her and then see her true colors of a “mad queen”. But they did the opposite. Jon thought FIRST she was the Mad King’s daughter, and then fell in love when he saw her for what she was. They could have reduced her and Jon’s plot to only physical attraction and sex. But they didn’t. They could’ve omitted Jon telling her “they’ll come to see you for what you are” after witnessing her selflessness. But they didn’t. 

The same goes for Dany. The fact that she fell in love with Jon shows that she isn’t mad–what attracts her is also selflessness and goodness–did you see the face she put when she saw Jon’s scars??? When he volunteered to go beyond the wall to catch a wight? These times when she saw how caring Jon was for his people were the ones where she fell in love with him HARD. If she were mad, if she enjoyed violence and all that shit, she would LOVE Daario much more–a super violent dude–yet their relationship WAS reduced to sex only, and when she said goodbye to him on the show “she felt nothing”, and when she slept beside him in ADWD “she felt alone”. She didn’t love him. Violence does not attract her.

Jon was the one who held her hand as soon as he woke up in the boat, the one who knocked on her door for sex. Jon Snow!!! The dude who used to be a fuckign virgin until he got begged for sex 1000 times!!! Remember. He loves her, and loves her since he saw her for her true colors. He’s just conflicted and confused rn for drama purposes. So the fleak makes no sense. 

On the other hand, what makes perfect sense is the assumption that the leaker got the names wrong (Dany and Cersei) and that Jon kills Cersei bc he COULD BE the valonqar (he’s the youngest brother in his fam) and Dany is the YMBQ. And Cersei has said “what can lyanna’s ghost do to harm us?”  (cheers to @tomakeitbeautifultolive​  and @the-last-targaryens​ for this) and also “how can the Targaryen girl on the other side of the sea harm us?” (not the exact words, but same thing) in S4. Hmmmmmm… fishy. AND the “bells” leak also makes PERFECT sense for Cersei, and zeeero sense for Dany. 

Also: Jon on his own on the Throne would be the most expected and boring ending EVER. Also consider this boy would be MISERABLE in that job. It’s literally what he wants the least. 

And remember: Jonerys IS point of the story. 

Also: this ending has NO single common point with LOTR’s ending. 

And also: read the fleaks omfg the rest of them make no fucking sense. Bronn in the council are you fucjgin kidding me. That ending for bran?? Bullshit. Everything about them is nonsense. Think about them cold-headed. They’re absurd, stupid, they’re fucking comedy material. D&D are stupid too but these fleaks make no sense with Emilia’s interview where she says that the ending isn’t about who’s sitting on the Throne either.

I’m not defending d&d, but conflict is necessary for a happy ending to feel earned. ESPECIALLY inner conflict. So they’re doing all this stupid fucking mad queen shit for her happy ending to have more sense. Look at it this way, we still have TWO MORE MOVIE LENGTH EPISODES ahead. If the ending would be tragic, they would introduce the tragedy muuuch later, not two movies before it’s over.

FINALLY, please take care of yourself and this stress you’re going through. Eat fruits and vegetables, work out and sweat out the stress, and try to remain active during the day to take your mind off this if it’s making you this anxious. Your wellbeing is first. 

[tiffycuppycake]

Anyone go through their archives? 😝

Every so often I will go through my archives & just reflect. I’ve had this blog since 2010...so crazy! I use to post ALOT more, share more personal stuff...reading all of it now is so cringe 🙈 Sometimes I really need to express my feelings & rant, so why don’t I? That’s what a blog is for right 😝 I think one reason I stopped for the most part was knowing I was having someone actively stalk my blog...someone I know personally. It kinda irritated me, especially because when she didn’t like something I wrote she would bitch to family members about it lol, like they could make me delete it. She’s not the brightest crayon 😬 Anyhoo, I guess that just kinda unmotivated me? They probably still stalk my blog but I really don’t give a shit anymore lol, I’m too old. Also, maybe I stopped because Tumblr I feel isn’t as “populated” as it use to be? Especially after them not allowing adult content on here anymore, which I think was a really stupid move. Oh wells 🤷🏼‍♀️ But anyway, what inspired me to write a blog post...the archives. Even tho I may be embarrassed by a lot of my ramblings from the past, it’s crazy seeing how much I’ve grown/changed since the beginning...I’ve matured, views have changed, likes have changed...one of the most humorous things I came across was me thirsting over Brandon Routh hardcore haha. This is one of the only things I’ve kept over the years...I really regret deleting my Myspace back in the day 😭 Why I’m the hell did MySpace die!? It was SO much better than Facebook! I fuckin hate Facebook lol. I’ve recently deactivated it, it’s such a cesspool! It kinda sucks tho not having it because I missed out on a art show...Facebook is the only place they are announced I’ve learned 😢 I really want to see the downfall of Facebook tho, I want something better to come around...or maybe, we will head into a future where we are on social media less? I know I really want to start spending less time on my phone, it’s insane how it sucks you in with mindless garbage & the hours just fly by...kinda like tonight lol. Even tho I want to be on my phone less, when I’m on I want to start doing more productive things. I’ve gotten way too wrapped up in YouTube drama over the years...& it’s so brain melting I can’t believe I let myself get in so deep 🙈 But yea, late night ramblings 😋 I’ve always really liked Tumblr, it’s nice to have, to look back on, express yourself & show others a glimpse of YOU. Hopefully Tumblr won’t disappear 😢

[onecancelledstamp]

dating ~ andrew siwicki ~

hi, sorry im the most inactive blog ever :)

sorry i haven’t actually Written™ anything,,, i spend a lot of my time writing an ongoing story for the tv show the 100 (it’s on quotev, here’s the link!! check it out if you want??), so i dont have a lot of time to come up/plan long things

anyways,, i am kinda new to the shane dawson squad, so this isn’t gonna be very detailed lol sorry :( jk this ended up being way longer than i anticipated

author: onecancelledstamp

sorry kind of hate how indented bullet points don’t show up on the phone? that’s Dumb™ :(

also. kind of making these up as i go, so there nowhere near as elegant in terms of writing and word choice as my previous one w/ bellamy blake. that was one that i had in my notes for a long time, but im really just making these as i go. sorry, enough rambling.

dating ~ andrew siwicki ~

you’d meet through shane and garrett because they’re just Like That™, and it would kind of be like that blind date shane set up w/ megan... but, like, better? (tea lol)

you’d be chilling around at your house one day when you just get this long-winded email from shane-- whose channel you adore-- saying that they have a brilliant idea and your potential soulmate

you accepted within an instant. relationships never seemed to work out for you, but your gut told you that this might be the right moment and person

also, a big part of you kind of hoped that things would work out really well with andrew & it wouldn’t just be for the youtube video. you really liked him and had always been hosting a small internet crush

you have a youtube channel, too, which is how everyone had found out about you. it would be pretty lowkey, but you had a lot of fun with it. probably the same style of video shane makes with his friends, but you can’t compete with shane’s work obviously

you do put a lot of work into your editing, however, and andrew can see that. he respects it, mainly because he is well aware of the process of it and how much hard work is required. it would probably be one of the first things you bond over.

you’re both always teaching each other something with editing or recording. you both are very skilled and telling each other tips and tricks

most of the videos on your youtube channel include all these cute days between the two of you-- almost vlog style--, yet all still original and extraordinary content. you guys are just so passionate about what you do & can’t wait for what the future has in store for the both of you, both in your careers and personal lives

garrett, shane, and ryland would honestly be your number one shippers and they’re constantly asking about the relationship and how it’s going. they’d literally never leave you alone about it

they’d probably also tease you and freak out each time you said something nice about him. or if your face lit up when you were mentioning him. or how you’d blush every time his name was brought up. tiny things like that. they’d scream, prompting you to blush even more and hid behind the sleeves of your sweater

although the blind date video seemed like one long cosmic joke, you actually had a really good time. you could tell he was nervous, obviously, but so were you. his nerves were quite cute, however. and you got to see a genuine, down-to-earth part of him that was very intriguing

he drove you home after the video, and you guys talked about anything that came to mind. conversation was just so easy. when he walked up to your doorstep, he seemed genuinely surprised when you asked if he was willing to go on a second date.

of course he was, but-- for whatever reason-- he thought that his feelings were unrequited (which was not true).

he didn’t kiss you at the doorstep after the first blind date, but the both of you felt that-- the moment after you walked inside-- you both had missed an opportunity, thus making you very excited for the dates to come

there’s going to be laughing. lots and lots of laughing.

all for different reasons, too. sometimes it could just be because he’s a generally nervous person, but he also finds everything you say to be hilarious & will lose his composure every single time

his laugh is literally the most contagious thing ever and you can’t help but smile and giggle along

he’s one of the most supportive people you know, truthfully. he’s such a great listener, too. he really cares about what you have to say and is always willing to help you out with the slightest of problems (maybe after a couple of jokes, though)

whenever you’re with the squad and recording a video, you and andrew are always behind the camera snickering to each other & the audience finds it to be the cutest thing

fans would make some of those compilations of all the best laughing/cute moments.... so pure

the squad was very welcoming & encouraged you to be in videos and hang out with them, and they became some of your closest friends. there was no pettiness, no drama, nothing. nothing like previous friendships. they wanted you to do great things. these people were genuine friends & the audience seemed to be very keen on you and your dynamic with the group

you also grow to love the rest of the squad as well. you share a special connection with all of them. shane, garrett, morgan, ryland,,,,, valid friends.

he continuously gets flustered each time he picks you up for a date because he finds you so beautiful,,, can literally never get rid of that giddy feeling because he’s just so in love with you

you once ask him if he’s going to do that every single time,,,, the answer is yes. every. single. time.

you two would probably send each other little snippets of edited clips or show each other a piece of a video that you’re struggling on and ask for each other’s creative expertise because you both have very unique visions. you both value the other’s opinion & sometimes it’s just fun to giggle over a funny part of a video once in a while

the two of you would never fight. even if you did, it was over something stupid and wouldn’t last that long. you really can’t stay mad at each other for more than twenty minutes without caving in and making up

lowkey......... kinda maybe the jealous type??? only a little bit. a valid bit,,,, like,, real cute. still undecided. anyways sorry moving on

you’d probably hang out all the time and just have editing parties. just like laying in the bed together and working on the latest project. once in a while, it would get too stressful and overwhelming and you guys would leave the house to go do something stupid

you guys both get really flustered and awkward in public for no reason, but you always find some stupid way to relieve all the stress... being in each other’s presence is just calming and a natural soother 

you’re constantly asking him to show off some of his talents: piano, rapping, and so many more that he keeps Hidden™ (but shouldn’t) he’s so talented and you constantly tell him that

he’ll probably just get really red and blush in response

the two of you are honestly and truly best friends. the bond that you two share is just so indescribable and incomparable to anything/anyone else. you guys understand each other in such a sincere and genuine way & both of you feel so lucky to have each other

honestly,,,,, soulmates?????

so soft,,, so cuddly,,, so valid. just imagine that! ugh! cute!!! cuddling in bed after a long day of following shane around to record a video and finally getting to settle in bed together and just relax. both fond of holding hands, which is quite common between the two of you, actually. it seems as if you never let each other go. (he also likes to rub his thumb over your knuckles or whatever, it’s just very calming)

you guys cuddle a lot, actually, and shane is always so excited to get it on camera. he really wants the best for both of you and it seems like this is It™

the whole relationship would just be so gentle and pure,,, and almost a little bit clumsy? if that makes any sense. neither of you know what you’re doing, but you make it work. you’re both very cheesy, but you find it ridiculously romantic.

just saying,,, you and garrett and andrew would be like a Power Squad™ with so much manic energy that you’re unstoppable

that’s all i got for now, but it is also midnight on a school night (not like that’s gonna stop me) so. yeah. i might edit this later and add more?? but this ended up way longer than expected so idk