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the-girl-wh0-cries-w0lf · 10 months

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You're waiting for a train...(5)

A Lesson in Planning

Robert Fischer x reader

description - the logistics of the dream begin to come together and get finalised by the group. Y/n's heart yearns for Robert more but she feels absent from those around her.

warnings - non-con touching (because she is not awake! UNCONSCIOUS PEOPLE DON'T WANT TEA!), mentions of surgery, mentions of murder.

word count - 2.2k

a/n - Boy you guys are gonna hate Arthur here! this is an important filler chapter for the plot but the real juicy stuff is still to come!

Previous Part Series Master list Master list

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“So now in the first layer of the dream, I can impersonate Browning and suggest concepts to Fischer’s conscious mind. When we get a layer deeper his own projection of Browning should-should feed that back to him.” Eames orated to our group as we sat concepting the plan for the mission.

“So he gives himself the idea?” Arthur questioned.

“Precisely.” Eames continued. “That’s the only way it’ll stick. It has to seem self-generated.”

“Eames.” Arthur leant back in his chair and looked to me and I nodded in agreement. “I am impressed.”

Eames chuckled. “Your condescension, as always, is much appreciated, Arthur, thank you.” I laughed at Eames’ quip, but felt I should cover my face to not embarrass Arthur further.

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I sat in the workspace with Ariadne as she worked on her totem.

She’d decided upon a chess piece with a partly hollowed out centre that would always fall a specific way. We’d actually had the idea together when we’d been walking in the park and had come across a group of old men who’d formed a chess club. When Ariadne had picked up the queen, it had felt right in her hand.

I glanced to my watch and commented on the lateness of the time but hadn’t noticed Ariadne had actually left our desk. I must have zoned out. That had been happening a lot recently. My mind went to Robert. It wasn’t always thinking back on our interaction, most of the time it was just imagining him beside me. Living in the moment with fantasies of him living it with me.

I perked up when Dad and Ariadne walked back towards me, Ariadne gestured for me to show my Dad the mazes but I hesitated.

“Each level relates to the part of the subjects subconscious that we are trying to access.” Dad walked past our designs, assessing the skill and intricacy. Ariadne and I loomed over her paper built mazes. “So, I’m making the bottom level a hospital so Fischer will bring his father, -- um you know, actually, I have a question about this layout.” Dad immediately retreated as if the sight burned his eyes.

“No, no, no. Don’t – Don’t show me specifics. Only the dreamer should know the layout.” I winced at Dad’s harsh tone.

“Dad, she just wanted some help.” I looked up at him.

“Just – “ He pointed at me in a fierce tone but doubted his words. His tone smoothed out. “Just no specifics.”

“Why is that important?” She questioned, amid our staring contest.

“In case one of us brings our projections in. We don’t want them knowing the details of the maze.” Dad feebly explained.

“You mean in case you bring Mom in?” I spat at him. The room went quiet, the tension was thick. “You can’t keep her out, can you? Right. If you know the maze then she knows it. That’s why you can’t build anymore.” I stalked towards him amidst my lecture.

“Cobb is this getting worse?” I appreciated Ariadne’s concern. She had been whisked in to this operation only to find out the leader’s brain was more fucked up than most. Who wants to share dreams with that. “Because the others need to know if it is?”

“Who said it’s getting worse!” He abruptly ended so we knew the conversation was done. There was a lull. “I need to get her home.” He pointed at me. “That’s all I care about right now. Is her.” He stood up and embraced me. My guilt weighed me down. He’d only ever thought of me, and my thoughts were filled with someone else. How selfish could I be.

“Why can’t you go home?” Ariadne fiercely inquired.

“Because they think I killed her.” Cobb said into my hair whilst we stayed hugging. I squeezed tighter at that answer. Ariadne stayed quiet as Cobb left my arms to walk away. “Thank you.”

“For what?”

“For not asking whether I did.” He smiled appreciatively.

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“I will split up my father’s empire.” The word emblazoned on our whiteboard. “Now, this is obviously an idea that Robert himself would choose to reject which is why we need to plant it deep in his subconscious. The subconscious is motivated by emotion, right? Not reason. We need to find a way to translate this into an emotional concept.” Dad addressed us.

“How do you translate a business strategy into an emotion?” Arthur questioned.

“That’s what were here to figure out. Now, Robert’s relationship with his father is stressed to say the least.”

“Well, can we run with that?” Eames perked up. “We could suggest breaking up his father’s company as a ‘screw you’ to the old man.”

“No.” I commented. “Positive emotion trumps negative emotion every time. We yearn for reconciliation, catharsis. His bond with his dad is broken beyond repair. Maybe if we’re gonna be in there anyway, we could do him a little good.” When I trailed off softly, I felt all eyes on me, confused. I especially felt the hot gaze of my father.

“We need Robert Fischer to have a positive emotional reaction to all this.” Dad agreed whilst eyeing me suspiciously.

“All right, let’s try this.” Eames jumped to my rescue. “My father accepts that I want to create for myself, not follow in his footsteps.”

“That might work.”

“Might?” Arthur argued. “We’re gonna need to do a little better than might.” Eames turned towards him with a cheeky smile.

“Oh, thank you for your contribution, Arthur.” He said sarcastically.

“Forgive me for wanting a little specificity, Eames.”

“Specificity?”

“Inception’s not about being specific. When we get inside his mind, we’re gonna have to work with what we find.”

Ariadne had already prepped each of the dreamers with the layout of the maze. I was truly impressed, and I spent every minute telling her that. It was so great to have a girl on the team. I often felt I was drowning in testosterone.

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We had entered Yusuf’s dream which would act as the first layer. Ariadne had created a metropolitan city with towering skyscrapers. It was perfect. Complex and confusing if you were not familiar yet still had a sense of believability.

“On the top level,” Eames narrated to us all, as we stood in the direct centre of the road. “We open up his relationship with his father, and say ‘I will not follow in my father’s footsteps.”

I walked around in awe of the world around me. I’d been in many dreams and had created a few for myself, but nothing like this. I bumped Ariadne’s shoulder and whispered.

“This is seriously amazing.”

“you’ve told me that like 5 times, y/n.”

“Oh sorry—”

“No, it’s nice.” She threw her arm around me so we ended in a half way hug. I suddenly remembered the boys were talking.

“Then the next level down, we feed him ‘I will create something for myself’. Then by the time we bring out the big guns – “

“My father doesn’t want me to be him.” I finished. After speaking those fateful words I chanced a glance at my own father’s eyes. But I looked away in shame, missing his own longing gaze.

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“Three layers down the dreams are gonna collapse.” Arthur admitted. “Even with the slightest disturbance.”

“Sedation.” Yusuf proudly stated. “For sleep stable enough to create three layers of dreaming, we’ll have to combine it with an extremely powerful sedative. The compound we’ll be using to share the dream creates a very clear connection between dreamers whilst actually accelerating brain function.”

“In other words, it gives us more time on each level.” Dad explained for the ones who struggled to understand Yusuf’s chemistry.

“Brain function in the dream will be about 20 times normal. When you enter a dream within that dream, the effect is compounded, it’s 3 dreams – that’s 10 hours times –”

“I’m sorry maths was never my strong subject.” I chuckled at Eames’ confusion. “How much time is that?”

I decided to fill him in.

“It’s a week, the first level down, 6 months the second level down –”

“Its 10 years, the third level.” Ariadne said in a gasp. I nodded sadly towards her. “Who would want to be stuck in a dream for 10 years?”

“Depends on the dream.” Ariadne and I looked unamused towards Yusuf’s attempt at humour.

“So, once we’ve made the plant how do we get out? I’m hoping you have something more elegant in mind than shooting me in the head.” Arthur commented whilst swinging on his chair.

“A kick.”

“What’s a kick?”

“This Ariadne,” Eames gently tapped Arthur’s chair so he panicked and fell forward. “Is a kick.” He smiled innocently towards Arthurs unimpressed face. I giggled watching their little bromance.

“It’s that feeling of falling you get that jolts you awake.”

“Will we even feel a kick with that level of sedation?” I questioned.

“I’ve customised the sedative to leave inner function unimpaired.” I gave a grateful nod. Yusuf was truly a gift to this mission. “Let me demonstrate.”

“Arthur.” “Arthur!” Eames and I said in sync.

Arthur reluctantly rises and sits on the chair Yusuf gestures to. Yusuf puts him into a dream.

“You see the sleeper still feels the falling.” Yusuf tips Arthur and he jolts awake just in time to watch his body hit the ground. Eames and I burst out laughing. I wink at Eames as we both get the same idea.

“But Yusuf.” I begin. “He just fell sideways. I think it needs to be demonstrated that it works falling at ALL angles.” Eames and I could barely hold in our laughter as my dad shook his head in disapproval. Arthur was put under 4 more times and shoved off the chair each time. God this was too good. After the final time, he threw his hands up when Yusuf went in for one more IV. He abruptly stood up and walked past me. He slowed down when he reached my shoulder.

“Don’t be so childish.” My smile broke.

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“He hasn’t got any surgery scheduled, there’s no dental, nothing.”

“Wasn’t he supposed to have a knee operation?”

“Nothing. Nothing that they’d put him under for anyway.”

We were coming up with the final stage. And the most important element. Time.

“We need a good 10 hours.” My dad offered up the situation to the room.

“Sydney to Los Angeles.” Saito had very much taken up the role of the silent money. Quiet, observing. Merely here to protect his investment. When dad had told me he wanted to go under with us I wasn’t shocked. Inception is hardly a mission which has a physical outcome a buyer can hold. The only way to get proof is to be there with us. I did worry about safety. He was just another parasite the projections could flock to; this put us all at risk. And I had a feeling this sedation meant a simple kill shot wouldn’t suffice.

“One of the longest flights in the world. He makes it every two weeks.”

“He must be flying private then?” Dad questioned.

“Not if there were unexpected maintenance with his plane.” I smirked at this.

“It would have to be a 747.” Arthur jumped in.

“Why’s that?” I asked.

“Because on a 747, the pilot is up top,” I didn’t miss how Arthur directed the answer towards my dad. “and the first class cabin is on the nose, so no one would walkthrough but you’d have to buy out the entire cabin and the first class flight attendant.”

“I bought the airline.” We all flocked our gaze to Saito. “It seemed neater.” Ah of course! Why didn’t we think of that?

“Well then.” We had our stage. “Ariadne?” Dad stopped us as we went to leave. “Terrific work by the way.” I smiled her way but she missed it, taken up in a conversation with Arthur.

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My fingers fidgeted on the lock of the case. Itching to try again. Nothing around me was satisfying, I needed some release. The lock flicked up and I hurriedly unpacked the IV. I inserted it and let it do it’s magic. My eyes drooped, my heart slowed yet my excitement bubbled up. My head flopped onto the rough fabric of the deck chair. As my mind floated me away, a presence loomed in my peripheral.

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*Arthur’s pov*

I’d stayed behind late, hoping to have a word with y/n. She hadn’t seemed herself recently and I worried for the state of her mind when we begin this task.

I made my way to the door, believing I’d missed her. I noticed one of the deck chairs hadn’t been put away so I went to tidy up. I saw five painted nails loosen their grip on the edge of the chair and collapse to the side. There was an IV exiting the vein, I tracked it back towards the silver case.

I ambled my way towards her sleeping frame. So peaceful, yet so much life danced behind her closed eyes. I found myself stroking her soft cheeks. She was so perfect. My thumb caressed the contours of her face and it began to droop lower, until it met the curve of her lips. What was I doing?

I jumped back as if her skin had burnt me. Suddenly I was possessed by a new found drive. I ripped one of the other IV’s out of the case and dragged a chair up to the table. I inserted the tube and let the sedative consume my body.

My mind crumbled down and was rebuilt into her subconscious.

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Oh boyyyyy Arthur has gone into her subconscious! What's he gonna find? What's she hiding??

taglist: @jonsncws @h-l-vlovesvintage @theethy @fashionki11a @felicity1994 @bearchermer @idkyoutellmesmh @mimimarvelingmarvel @butterfly-lies-chase-them-away

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cherienymphe · 1 year

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The Less I Know The Better XXI (JJ Maybank x Reader)

Warnings: NON-CON (+ mentions of), manipulation, non canon ages, pogue!reader

➥ banner by @vase-of-lilies | divider by @firefly-graphics

➥ series masterlist

summary: When you start dating Rafe Cameron, no one is more surprised than you when your best friend JJ takes it really well. However, no one is more surprised than JJ when he’s forced to see his once frumpy BFF in an entirely new light, suddenly terrified of losing what he never knew he had to the person he hates most.

You stared at your ceiling, hands clasped on your stomach and feeling so…in shock. Why were you though? JJ had lost his friends, and with Rafe arrested, JJ probably felt he had nothing else to lose…and he was right. There wasn’t really anyone left to stop him from getting what he wanted, and you swallowed, a few tears escaping and running past your ears.

You remembered how Kie’s parents had looked at you when you got to the hospital. You recalled the anger and hatred in her mom’s eyes, and truthfully? You didn’t blame her. Not one bit. At the time, Kie had still been in surgery, and they hadn’t known if she was going to live or die. Sure, the person physically responsible was arrested, but everything that went down came right back to you.

At least, that was what her mom had said.

“I always knew that hanging around you Pogues would get her in trouble one day,” Mrs. Carrera had cried.

You hadn’t been able to say anything to that, eyes pleading as you stared at her, watching her fall into her husband’s arms. You didn’t think to bring it up that Rafe, a Kook, had shot Kie, because it really didn’t matter. He was dating you, a Pogue, and he’d been trying to shoot JJ, another Pogue.

“I’m really sorry,” you had choked out. “I never meant for any of this to happen.”

She hadn’t been trying to hear it, and you had turned away, joining your friends as they could do nothing but wait. You could feel their eyes on you as Kie’s parents returned back upstairs, and you were unsurprised when Sarah moved to sit beside you, her shoulder brushing yours. She softly said your name, and you had looked at her.

She looked unsure, nervous, and when she swallowed, you suddenly got the feeling that there was something you’d missed.

“Before you got to John B.’s…Rafe said something…”

It was really quiet between you three, and you knew that John B. and Pope were listening.

“…about you…and JJ…”

Your eyes had found the floor at that, swallowing and feeling like there was lead in your gut. You closed your eyes, both hating and loving Rafe so much, and missing him more than anything in this moment. The longer you remained silent, the more you knew they worried, and when you opened your eyes, they met John B.’s. They were wide and troubled and almost disbelieving.

“He was telling the truth…”

You hesitantly nodded, and you’d heard Sarah’s sharp intake of breath.

“I… I want to put it behind me.”

They seemed to understand your words, all three reacting at once.

“What you mean? You don’t want to see him rotting under the jail?” Pope questioned, standing now.

“You guys don’t understand,” you had mumbled, and Sarah rubbed your back.

“No…I guess we don’t,” John B. had mumbled, gaze fixed on you.

It was clear that he wanted to find JJ, right now, and your lack of…anger threw him. Your shoulders had sagged, and you’d let your face fall into your hands. You held back tears, but a few had escaped, and you’d sniffed.

“I’m so tired,” you mumbled, sitting up and looking between them. “You don’t even know the half of it.”

Sarah wiped your face, looking just as sad as you felt.

“A while back…I thought I had been assaulted…in my own house…by some random man.”

They all froze at your confession, and you had looked down, swallowing.

“It was when Rafe and I were broken up, and…I’d gotten so drunk. I thought that I’d called him, and he’d come over and…” you trailed off with a shrug. “…but he’d had no idea what I was talking about.”

You wrapped your arms around yourself, leaning back in your seat.

“I’d been so scared and paranoid, and it was so hard to deal with, and that was why I only told JJ and Rafe.”

You looked up, your eyes meeting Sarah’s.

“…but I hadn’t been raped by some random man,” you told her, and all the color had drained from her face, like she knew what you were going to say. “It was JJ.”

You heard Pope start pacing.

“I’d called him by mistake…and when he came over, I was so drunk, I thought he was Rafe, and…he just let me.”

“What the hell?” you heard John B. breathe.

“He’d looked me in my face and comforted me, pretended to be my friend, and I found out the truth at the party, and…we both just lost it.”

You looked down again, feeling no need to go into detail about that.

“I should want him dead, and I guess I do, but…I just don’t have the energy.”

“No, no, it’s okay,” Sarah had reassured you.

“I’m so tired, and I feel so betrayed, and I feel like nothing makes sense. My whole world just doesn’t make sense,” you’d sniffed, pulling your legs into the chair. “I’ve lost JJ, I’ve lost Rafe, and-.”

“Hey, no, don’t do that,” Pope had hurried to say, kneeling in front of you. “Kie is going to be fine. She was awake and talking when they took her. She’ll be fine.”

He had taken your hands, and you had reluctantly returned his smile. It had taken everything in you to keep John B. from going after JJ, just desperately wanting the blond behind you for good. As crazy as it seemed, you had really believed you’d get that. The truth was out, and JJ knew that you wanted nothing to do with him, but you’d underestimated just how far gone he really was. For some reason, it didn’t hit you that he wouldn’t give a damn about that.

It was laughable, really, because he’d made it more than clear to you, now that he didn’t care what you wanted.

So, why were you so shocked to see him on the beach? Why had you been so shocked to hear the words that came from his mouth, feel his hands on your face, his lips on yours? After he’d spilled himself into you, it was like you hadn’t been in control of your body. You’d felt frozen, just staring ahead as JJ had redressed you, pulling you to your feet.

He’d said all kinds of things as he’d guided you back to your house, and although you couldn’t recall a single one, you knew that it was nothing but nonsense. Nothing but whatever insanity he’d come up with in his head. He’d left you at your door with a press of his lips to your cheek, and it wasn’t even until you’d made it to your room did you collapse, a sob catching in your throat.

You’d thought about going to the police then, doing a rape kit, a heavy anger in you that almost drove you to do just that. But then you’d thought about the money you didn’t have and JJ’s word against yours, and months of hell trying to prove it. Everyone on this side of the island, and even some on the other side, loved JJ. If Rafe held the nickname of Kook prince, then it was no secret that JJ was his Pogue counterpart.

You didn’t even want to think about the things you’d be called for claiming JJ Maybank had raped you.

You couldn’t do it, you just couldn’t, and you had stumbled into your bathroom, scrubbing yourself raw in the shower. Even after you’d cleaned yourself, you’d just sat in there, letting the water run over you until it grew cold, seemingly waking you up. You’d collapsed on your bed, gaze fixed on the ceiling, and that was where you’d been ever since, growing cold at the thought of your new reality.

“Rafe was telling the truth…wasn’t he?”

Kie’s voice was weak as she rested in her hospital bed, dark eyes somber and resting on you. You nodded, looking down and fidgeting with your hands. You heard her sigh, the room growing quiet.

“I knew it before you did, you know,” she said, and you looked up. “That he liked you.”

Her gaze rested on the ceiling, and you frowned.

“I thought JJ was so…perfect. In his own way,” she mumbled. “…and when I started noticing little things…I don’t know.”

She shook her head.

“I wanted him to do the right thing so bad. You were with Rafe, you were crazy about Rafe, and I genuinely thought JJ would realize what was more important. I thought he’d see that he needed to be there for you, the right way.”

This was news to you, and you intently listened.

“Part of it was selfish, I’ll admit, because I liked JJ, and I wanted him to get over you so badly,” she said more to herself, frowning. “…but then he got worse, and he wasn’t acting like himself, and he was just being an all-around dick. It was so disappointing, and I’d thought about telling you so many times, but he made it seem like I was crazy.”

JJ seemed to be very good at that.

“…and when he told me that you guys met up at the party, I didn’t think anything of it…”

She chuckled to herself, but it was bitter.

“…but then John B. and Pope mentioned the scratches all over his face…and things started looking…scary, and then Rafe came charging in.”

You swallowed.

“I didn’t want to believe he was capable. I wanted there to be some other explanation, but once I saw Rafe literally trying to kill JJ…I knew, and nothing seemed real.”

You took in all of this, thinking it over. You wondered if Kie had noticed because she’d been paying extra attention to JJ…or if you were just the dumb one. However, you thought to yourself that John B. and Pope hadn’t clocked it either, and you sighed. Everything was a mess, and you alternated between placing the blame on JJ…or yourself.

“If I had never dated Rafe…”

“Please, don’t do that,” Kie groaned, and you looked up, finding her eyes on you. “Anybody would’ve driven JJ crazy I think, but it just happened to be Rafe. You’re not in the wrong for, what? Living your life?”

At the mention of him, you both grew quiet for varying reasons. You couldn’t even linger on the fact that JJ had raped you again, burying it so deep in your mind that you were sure you’d collapse if you tried to analyze it and cope with it. You didn’t want to think about it, and you struggled to swallow.

“I talked to my parents,” Kie spoke. “…but…it’s out of my hands.”

You knew what she was referring to, and your eyes watered.

“He didn’t mean to. As much as I can’t stand the guy, he was more than justified in trying to kill JJ…and I unfortunately just got caught in the middle.”

She shook her head at you.

“I don’t blame him…but it’s not up to me.”

Your head fell, and you nodded, a few tears escaping.

“…but Ward has money.”

She tried to reassure you that things would be okay, and you looked towards the window, pressing your hand to your mouth.

“I can’t believe I’m saying this, but maybe his money will get him out of this.”

Even she didn’t sound so sure, and you squeezed your eyes shut.

“Maybe,” you tearfully agreed.

As it turns out, you weren’t entirely wrong.

“A year? A year?”

You stood on Ward Cameron’s porch, eyes wide and lips parted as you processed what he’d told you. Kie’s parents had money, and Ward had more, but that wasn’t enough to get Rafe completely off the hook. Ward…didn’t look the happiest to see you, but you didn’t care, staring at him in disbelief. The older man sighed, completely stepping onto the porch.

“He’s being charged with a Class E felony, Y/N.”

You looked away at that.

“It’s a miracle that I got it down to a year. They wanted twenty-five months…” your knees actually buckled at that. “…but it’s his first offense, and it was a genuine accident.”

He didn’t need to say the other thing, his money that he no doubt threw at someone.

“He’s going to do a year, and maybe he’ll get out early on good behavior, but when he does, he still has a year of house arrest after that and then community service…”

Ward trailed off when you took a step back, leaning against his porch.

This couldn’t be happening…but it was. A year without Rafe felt like a lifetime, especially so as you pondered what awaited you. You knew that it could’ve been much worse, You’d stayed up several nights just researching the worst case scenario, and you’d been prepared for it with no reason to be apparently, but a year? That was still too much, and it didn’t seem fair since even Kie didn’t blame Rafe.

Ward rubbed his beard, exhaling.

“You should go, Y/N.”

Your eyes met his, and your shoulders sagged at what you saw there. However much Ward had grown to like you before, that was over now. One of his children’s lives had been put in danger, and his other was going to jail for a year, and like Mrs. Carrera, Ward’s judgmental gaze was fixed on you.

“Take this time to get your life together, you know?”

You knew what went unsaid. He thought you were a mess, and you could see it in his eyes that he didn’t understand Rafe’s drive to ruin his whole life for…some Pogue. He didn’t want you around Sarah if he could help it, and he especially didn’t want you around Wheezie. You nodded at his words, turning away and going back home.

When you woke up, something didn’t feel right.

Something felt too off to just be your paranoia, and when you sat up, you thought you were seeing things.

Your eyes met familiar blue ones as he sat at the end of your bed, a small frown on his face as he just…stared at you. He was wearing some jack you’d gotten him for his birthday years ago, and after a few seconds, you realized that it was raining outside. At that thought, you turned to your window, finding it undisturbed.

“Your mom let me in.”

Your stare turned cold at that, narrowed eyes on him. Maybe you should’ve told her the truth about JJ and just deal with the mess of trying to convince her to let it go. Your heart was racing in your chest, remembering the feel of him pinning you down in the sand, and you shuddered. You watched his head turn, frown deepening.

“You going somewhere?”

You sharply inhaled at that, following his gaze, your jaw clenching at the sight of your half packed bag. You’d started it on a whim before you fell asleep, taking Ward’s words to heart and choosing to just leave OBX. Sarah would keep you updated on Rafe, let you know when you could visit him and whatnot. John B. and Pope would understand too. You’d thought the only dilemma would be your parents, especially with your dad still recovering from his accident…but you’d guessed wrong.

You moved before JJ did, sprinting towards your door, but he was just as fast.

It clicked shut as he pushed you against it, his arms on either side of you as he leaned his hands against the wood. Being so close to him made your stomach churn. Your hair stood on end, and your eyes watered, and you shook. Once upon a time, being so close to JJ had brought you nothing but comfort. At one time, JJ had been your safe space, and now you could barely stomach the thought of him.

“She left for work,” he whispered, and your heart sank. “…and your dad is still recovering. What do you think he can do for you?”

The only sound was that of your heavy breathing, and you couldn’t stop your eyes from burning. JJ noticed, and he straightened, reaching up to touch your face, his finger catching a stray tear.

“Where do you think you’ll go that I won’t follow?”

Your stomach dropped at that, and you blinked.

“What else is left for me here besides you?”

You pressed yourself further into the door, looking away. You felt JJ’s fingers ghosting over your neck, and more tears fell. His chest brushed against yours, and for the umpteenth time lately, you felt…hopeless.

“Rafe will get out one day,” you reminded him. “He’s not going to be in there forever.”

JJ let out a shaky breath at that.

“…and when he does, he’s coming straight for you. He might actually succeed this time.”

Your voice and gaze were cold as you said this, and JJ stared you down. He was nothing at all like the man you’d grown up with, the best friend who you ran to first for literally everything. The JJ standing before you was a stranger, driven by delusion and a desire to have what didn’t belong to him. You would never regret Rafe, but you couldn’t help but think what might’ve happened if you’d done things differently.

Not necessarily never dating him, but maybe keeping it a secret longer.

“Maybe he will,” JJ whispered. “…but that’s still a year I have to make you see things my way.”

Disgust filled you at his words, and if you hadn’t been sure before about leaving, you were now.

JJ hissed when your foot met his leg, knee coming up in between them, and you hurried to get the door open. You were in the hallway when JJ’s hands grabbed a hold of you, pushing you and making you stumble into the living room. The house was dark, your dad fast asleep, and JJ shushed you as he bent you over the couch.

“You have to be quiet,” he whispered, and your nails dug into the fabric, trying to push against him. “You don’t want to wake him up. He’s been through enough.”

You jerked when he snaked his hand around you, dipping into your shorts and cupping you. JJ’s lips grazed your ear as his chest pressed to your back, pushing you down.

“He doesn’t need to see you coming around me like that. It would give him a stroke.”

You grit your teeth, trying in vain to get JJ off, but you sharply gasped when he yanked your shorts down, his following close behind, before pushing into you in one smooth motion. You jerked, your head falling over the back of the couch, and JJ’s fingers dug into your waist.

You squeezed your eyes shut, hissing and trying to get away, but his arm around you was right. JJ didn’t give you a moment to breathe, jerking into you and adopting a pace that had you scratching at the couch. He was rough, so desperate for you, unable to focus on anything other than pushing his cock into you.

As much as you hated it, like before, you could feel yourself getting slick. You could feel yourself growing wet and making his thrusts smoother, the push and pull of his cock becoming easier. His other hand found it’s way to your throat, and you reached up, digging your nails into his hand.

“JJ,” you choked out, begging for what, you didn’t know.

Begging him to stop, begging him to leave you alone, begging him to die. Your skin felt like it was on fire for several reasons, the feel of JJ’s lips pressing kisses to the back of your neck being one of them. His cock driving into you and stroking your walls being another. It was unfair really, how easily your body could betray you. It had done it before, and it was doing it again.

You had tried to block that night on the beach out, hating the way you’d come undone beneath him. Your wide eyes had been resting on the sky, nails digging into his skin and the sand, hips jerking and bucking as he fucked you over the edge. Your release had triggered JJ’s, and to your detriment, feeling him spill into you had sent you head first into another orgasm.

He pressed you further against the couch, and tears escaped your tightly shut eyes. The house was quiet aside from your soft labored breathing, JJ’s joining yours, and to your embarrassment, you could hear his every thrust. You could hear the wet sound of you leaking around him as he pushed his cock into you, the squelch as he stretched you out. You gasped again, and JJ softly shushed you, his lips at your ear.

“You have to be quiet,” he murmured, curving his hips up into you, and making your toes curl. “You have to be quiet, princess.”

He reached down, fingers brushing over you, and your hips circled. He had you trapped between him and the couch, and your lashes fluttered, eyes opening to stare straight ahead. You could feel him pushing you towards a release, and you desperately tried to fight it off, more tears falling.

“You’re so close,” you heard him breathe. “You get so tight when you’re about to come.”

You closed your eyes at that, trying to block out both his words and the feel of him inside of you. His arm tightened around you, fully pounding into you now, and taking your breath away. You let out a shaky breath, trying to push down whatever threatened to escape from your throat. You didn’t want to wake your dad…and you didn’t want to give JJ the satisfaction.

His hand tightened on your throat, making you see stars, and JJ pressed an open mouth kiss to your cheek just as you started to come around him.

“You’re mine, now,” he bit out, still pushing himself into you to the hilt. “…and I have a whole year to make you realize that too.”

#dark!jj maybank #dark!jj maybank x reader #jj maybank x pogue!reader #jj maybank x reader #jj maybank #obx #outer banks fanfiction #Outer Banks

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slxsherwriter · 2 months

Text

Let the Games Begin

Fandom: Death Count

Pairings: The Warden x reader

Word count: 2, 090

Warnings: Mentions of non-con surgery, death, injury

Author's Note: Honestly, I don't know what this is or where it came from. Was sort of just possessed by the idea. For the few that have watched the movie. Hopefully, you enjoy!

The poor lighting was just the kicker to the entirely poor set up. While it was nothing new, it never made it easier to deal with and most certainly always made the time limit almost impossible to meet. Biting the inside of your cheek, you forced the needle through the skin, moving both as quick and carefully as you dare. One mistake with the little hair sensitive triggers on the devices and it would be the last thing that you ever did.

“One of these days, one of these assholes is going to wake up in the middle of this and cause a whole load of trouble for the both of us.” A low chuckle was the response, sound simultaneously dark and amused. One that demanded attention, urged you to have your eyes pull away from the careful task that you were carrying out, but you managed to ignore it. By the skin of your teeth.

“With that skill that you have? It's hardly something I am worried about. For your peace of mind, however, I have plans in place, doc.” If there wasn't some level of trust in the man that was mulling around behind you, you wouldn't have been here at all, partaking in this. With precision and care that came from years of practice, you managed to cut the last suture, leaving the small tail of line outside the body.

“I'm not actually surprised by that statement. Flattered by the compliment, but not surprised that you had contingency plans in place.” Leaning back, you observed the clean line of sutures with a critical eye for just a second longer. By the seventh and eighth individual, your hands cramped a bit, and your eyes were feeling the strain. But you were finished. Your back cracked as you straightened, a satisfying pop that relieved some tension.

“Good work, as always doc.” James appeared in your peripheral as you were tossing the sharps and your bloodied gloves away. Admiring your work and the action was enough to spark a sense of pride. As twisted as that was. Funny to think that this wasn't what life was always like. Helping out mass murders and criminals had once seemed like too far-fetched an idea to entertain. Yet, here you were.

It was only when you had tossed the remaining tools in your small bag that you turned your full attention to James. The man was mostly dressed for his little game, simply missing his mask. A rare occurrence even outside the games, something that you had come to learn over the last several months. He was lifting the last body up and over shoulder for placement in the room, making the action almost seem effortless. A sight that you had come to appreciate more and more as you spent an increased amount of time with the man. More so than most of your other clients.

“Besides, you really think that I would let anything happen to you?” You were pulled out of your wandering thoughts about the man in question when he spoke. Blinking, you were quick to shake your head so that he didn't suspect that you were too lost in thought. Thankfully, muscle memory had guided you through the clean-up process, so you hadn't simply been standing there like an absolute idiot.

“No, no, I don’t.” Which was a genuine response. If it was within his power, you really didn't think that he would let anything happen. His keeping you safe was what had brought you closer together in the first place. A memory that wasn't worth bringing up this very second.

“There you go.” As if it was as simple as that. Which, really, perhaps you should just accept as something simple. Absently washing your hands, you openly observed James for a long second this time. He was leaning against the doorframe to the room, arms relaxed as they lay across his chest. Watching you the way that you had been watching him. Not another word was shared as the typical clean-up process was continued. There wouldn’t be all that much time before his victims woke up and the games began. Something that you did your best not to stick around for when it could be helped. Not that you didn't have the stomach for it at this point, but it wasn't particularly something that you enjoyed. What little time off that you were able to get after such tasks was better spent grabbing some food and heading home to relax.

“The passageway is clear for you to make your way out.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Got everything you brought?”

“Yeah, all packed up and ready to go. Need anything else before I head out?” He shook his head, not giving a verbal response. At least seven people were going to die tonight, and you had a hand in that. Something that should have bothered you more than it did. But that was what this line of work brought. Never would you have thought that life as a trauma medic would bring you into the world of criminals and serial killers. Yet, here you were, blood on your hands. It was only figuratively at the moment, but seconds ago, quite literally too.

“Stay safe tonight, yeah?”

“Always do.” Out of everyone that you had met in this little fucked up life that you had craved out for yourself, admittedly, James was the most careful. Rare was it that he needed serious help from you. More often than it, it was a need for some simple sutures for a wound just deep enough to require them. Or the need for some disinfecting and a bandage. Bag tossed over your shoulder, you were already thinking about where to stop for food as you passed by, only stopping when there was a soft touch of warm fingers to your wrist. “You get home safe.” There was something else on the tip of his tongue, which made you wait a few moments longer. A timer on his wrist went off before whatever it was could be spoken aloud, the moment entirely ruined. He cleared his throat and dropped his hand from your wrist. Giving him a smile, you slipped from the doorway and followed the familiar path upward, through some winding hallways and staircases towards the main floor and ultimate freedom. Maybe one of those that you had worked on would be following the same path, maybe they wouldn't. Not a thought to focus on since it was entirely out of your hands.

****************************

The next day came about with no necessary plans or tasks to handle. A rare day off where you were free to do what you wished. Which meant, you opted for a little bit of a sleep in. Something that abruptly ended when the door slammed open, bouncing off the opposite wall with a loud thud. The sound was enough to jolt you from your sleep, heart beating wildly in your chest. No one was in your room, evident as you wildly looked around. A crashing sound came from the hallway, signaling more trouble. Shit. Shit! Scrambling for the gun that you had been gifted, you managed to find the cold barrel as another crash echoed out.

The work that you did occasionally brought trouble. Never to your home, only to the space that was used as a makeshift treatment slash surgery suite that was paid for by someone else that used your services. To have someone in your home was disturbing and terrifying at minimum. As you carefully cracked the door open, you heard a pained groan echoing out through the hall. Not a sound that you would have associated with someone breaking into the home to harm you. Silence would be expected. So that you would not have been able to tell where they were.

Waiting for another few seconds, straining to hear anything else that would have come. But there was nothing. No more movement, no more pained groans, nothing. As quietly as you could, you opened the door the rest of the way. You gave it another pause. Still nothing. Okay, you could do this. Letting out a slow breath, you began to move through the house.

A familiar lump of black and glint of silver appeared around the corner when you entered the living room. James was sprawled out on your couch, face a bit bloodied and clutching at what was likely a wound that needed immediate treatment.

“Jesus Christ….”

“Hey doc. Sorry to drop in…” Ignoring the attempt at being more lighthearted than the situation called for, you were setting the gun down and moving back towards the bathroom to grab whatever supplies you had here. Which, unfortunately, wasn't a whole lot but should have been just enough to properly patch the man up. No questions asked about how it had all happened or what had gone wrong between when you left and this morning. He wouldn't be likely to tell you anyway.

“Just…stay still. Let me see how bad it all is.” Focus, you needed to focus. Easier said than done when woken thinking someone was breaking into your home to kill you. A steady breath and settling down on the table beside the couch helped you work towards that. “Is there anything besides the two areas that I'm seeing?” You were going to have to take the mask off to get a better assessment of the wound on his face. Really, the metal should have protected that half of his face, but things didn't always work out that way. He was here, in your home, laying bloodied on your couch after all.

“No, nowhere else.” For a second, you doubted the sincerity of the answer but ended up taking it at face value since you needed to be focused on figuring out how he was wounded and the best way to treat it. “And no, no one followed me here either. Made sure of it.” Admittedly, that had been the very next question you had been ready to ask. Though, it was a rather logical next inquiry so it wasn't surprising that he had the response ready. You nodded.

“Good. Gives me time to properly patch you up then.” Fingers grasped the edge of the mask and hesitated for only a moment before getting the okay from him. The slash wasn't terrible but would require some sutures to be able to heal properly. It would scar but hopefully you could manage to make sure that lasting result would be minimal.

“This isn't too bad.” Before you could handle that, you had to assess the other. The one that you guessed is more serious than what you had already seen, given the light blood flow from between fingers. “Gonna have to get a good look at that before we figure out how we tackle getting you as good as new, James.” The set of his jaw spoke to the level of pain that was being experienced at the moment. Slowly, his fingers peeled away from his side. The wound was obvious and not good looking, causing you to suck some air between your teeth. It was not good and probably required more than what you had here but you would have to make due. Take care of it, the mantra repeated in your head, then you can run out for more supplies.

“I thought you said that I didn't need to worry about you,” you hummed out as you worked on carefully pulling away the cloth that was stuck to the wound. Gloves be damned at the moment. Getting it treated was primary. A pained little laugh came from him, a hand raising to brush some hair from his forehead. Sweat lined that space at the hairline itself. “I'll give you something for the pain in just a minute okay? I'm sorry. I know this can't feel good.”

“It's fine. Just….” He shook his head. Another little laugh. “Funny that it took this to get myself to your home.” Now, that caught you off guard. Your eyes shot upward from the wound to his face. He was serious. Giving you a half a smile, as if to say what of it, he laid his head back down and fell silent so that you could work. Right, work, you had to close him up. Pushing back the thought so that you could focus, you pulled on some gloves to wash out the wound.

“Don't think we are talking about that statement.”

“Wouldn't expect any less.”

#slasher writing #horror writing #the warden #death count #the warden death count #costas mandylor #the warden x reader #costas mandylor characters

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l1tw1ck · 2 years

Text

Yours, Mine

You're the unlucky, or lucky, subject of Ajax's affections

FTM!Yandere!Ajax x Top!Male Reader

Part Two: Mine, Yours

Warnings: Non-Con, Stalking, Drugging/Aphrodisacs, Mentions of Murder

Words: 763

I've been watching you for months.

I set up cameras all over your apartment. Inside and outside.

I know the shows you like, your quirky habits, the food you like, the friends you bring over, how you act when you're drunk, how you look when you masturbate, what you masturbate to, and the one night stands you bring home.

The one night stands that I kill when they leave your apartment.

──────────────────

"Childe? What're you doing here?" You ask, standing in the doorway.

"Do I need a reason to visit my dear comrade?"

"Well, we're not actually that close so...kind of." You shrug.

"I wanted to see you. Can I come in?"

"Um...I don't know."

"Do you not trust me?" He frowns.

"Isn't it obvious? You tried to drown Liyue and you almost killed my friend Aether." You look at him angrily. "I don't want you in my apartment."

Ajax's 'Childe persona' falls for a moment, you could see how upset he was and it scared you.

"Why can't we let bygones be bygones? I've already apologized to him!"

"...You won't hurt me?" You ask. You could defend yourself easily, you even have a vision, but Ajax kills for a living. It didn't sound like a fair fight.

"I promise."

You sigh and let him in. He grins and walks around your apartment.

"Should I make tea?" He suggests.

"I...I'll make it." You shake your head.

"Thanks comrade!" He walks over to your couch and relaxes into it. He probably thinks you can't see him sniffing the pillows.

Does he think your place smells?

You shake off the thought and wait for the water to boil. You pour it into two tea cups and bring them over to the living room.

"Enjoy.." You say unenthusiastically, placing them on the coffee table.

"Oh, do you have any sugar?" He asks.

You nod and go to the kitchen to grab a small jar of sugar.

"Here, use as much as you want." You place the jar on the table and hand him a small spoon.

"Thanks."

You drink your tea and let him talk to you about whatever. It didn't interest you much, it was mostly about the action parts of his job. You started tuning him out, not really intentionally. You were feeling sick, everything was fuzzy and you were struggling to stay awake.

Ajax says something but you can't make out any of the words. The last thing you remember is falling into his arms

You wake up gods know how many hours later in bed, naked. The first thing you see is Ajax's creepy face then the camera in his hands, then his naked body, and then his butt resting on your lower half. Your uncomfortably hard dick was touching his back, begging to be touched.

You're too delirious and out of it to say anything.

He traces the scar under your chest.

"I wish I could've paid for your surgeries...I know it was expensive." He sighs. "You won't have to worry about money anymore."

"I'll make sure you live like a king." He lifts himself over your dick and quickly sinks down on it.

"Yes~!" He bites his lip. "Fuck~"

It doesn't take long for Ajax to start riding you. He was so intoxicated by you and euphoric over the fact that you were finally taking his virginity, he could come in seconds.

You wanted to tell him to stop, to leave and never speak to you again but the drug he gave you was making you so horny and needy. You needed him to keep going, to not stop and keep riding your dick.

"Ooh~ gods yes~!" He moans, body stalling as his orgasm approaches.

You couldn't do anything. It was kind of like watching a movie, a really blurry movie where you could feel everything. As if you were the cameraman for a bad first person porno.

He leans over and kisses you, your mouth didn't move at all. He had to pry your bottom lip open so he could stick his tongue down your throat. Even though it was a one sided kiss, he was happy you were his first.

He keeps moving throughout his orgasm, his happiness giving him strength. He could go all night.

And he did.

He never got tired of riding you, when you passed out you'd wake up to him still bouncing on your cock.

You didn't know when it ended, you just woke up and he was gone. You weren't in your bed though, you were tied to a chair and visionless. You couldn't do anything, you just sat in the darkness while going in and out of consciousness.

#top male reader #male reader #genshin impact smut #genshin smut #genshin x male reader #genshin x reader #dark content #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere ajax #yandere tartaglia #tartaglia x male reader #tartaglia x reader #childe x male reader #childe x reader #yandere childe #🕯️ajax #🕯️Genshin

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emeritus-fuckers · 10 months

Text

Repugnant masterlist by emeritus-fuckers

Everyone

Repugnant dick headcanons

Repugnant members walking in on G.'s darling giving him a blowjob

Repugnant as raccoons

Day 30 of Kinktober: Threesome III/Knife kink - Mary Goore and DD Sars (NSFW)

Repugnant members teaching their s/o how to play their instruments

“Three men and a corpse” ♡ Repugnant x gn!neutral Reader drabble

Repugnant catching their s/o mimicking them in front of a mirror

Repugnant with a very clingy s/o

Repugnant when their s/o wants to try weed for the first time

Repugnant with a transmasc it/they s/o

Repugnant getting forehead kisses

Repugnant with an s/o who has a bad ankle

Repugnant with a big titty goth gf

Some touching Repugnant headcanons

Repugnant finding a stray animal

Mary Goore CNC with their partner playing dead (Tw for CNC and necrophilia play)

Repugnant with a small-chested girlfriend

Repugnant when their s/o likes wearing their shirts

Repugnant with an autistic, often non-verbal s/o who boops their noses affectionately

Repugnant taking their S/O's virginity

Repugnant finding out their s/o is pregnant

Repugnant finding out their s/o listens to their music

Repugnant reacting to being called daddy

Repugnant with a non-transmasc s/o after chest masculinization surgery

Repugnant dick piercings

Repugnant being topped by their s/o for the first time

Repugnant catching feelings for their FWB

Repugnant's favorite slurpee flavors

Repugnant helping their s/o try out new kinks

Repugnant with an artist s/o

Repugnant with a very insecure partner CW: mentions of cannibalism, murder and dismemberment. you know, the standard repugnant starter pack.

Repugnant with an s/o who's willing, but scared of intimacy

Mary Goore

Mary Goore headcanons

Mary Goore sharing their s/o with the rest of Repugnant

Day 33 of Kinktober: Small penis humiliation - Mary Goore and DD Sars

Day 47 of Kinktober: Temperature play - Mary Goore

Mary Goore with a transmasc s/o (NSFW headcanons)

A little bit of kinky info about Mary Goore and DD Sars

Mary Goore getting pegged

Tats and rings ⸸ Mary Goore x Reader oneshot

Mary Goore with an affectionate transmasc s/o

Mary Goore with an s/o who enjoys putting on a show for the band

Mary Goore and DD Sars with just a little bit of bondage fun CW: knives, blood, bruises.

Mary Goore with a demisexual s/o

Mary Goore's undead nature

Mary Goore and Tom Bones having a one night stand

Yandere Mary Goore Headcanons CW: cannibalism. non-con. blood. brief, non-descriptive gore. mentions of necrophilia.

DD Sars

DD Sars headcanons

Day 33 of Kinktober: Small penis humiliation - Mary Goore and DD Sars

DD Sars with a pregnant s/o

A little bit of kinky info about Mary Goore and DD Sars

DD Sars getting eaten out by his FWB (drabble) cw:mentions of blood

Mary Goore and DD Sars with just a little bit of bondage fun CW: knives, blood, bruises.

G. Grotesque

G. Grotesque headcanons

G. Grotesque with and s/o who enjoys edging him

G. Grotesque comforting his child(ren) after a nightmare

E. Forcas

E. Forcas headcanons

E. Forcas with a top leaning switch partner

Platonic E. Forcas headcanons

E. Forcas with a friend who's only affectionate with him

Tom Bones

Bar hopping with Tom Bones

Mary Goore and Tom Bones having a one night stand

#repugnant #masterlist #mary goore #dd sars #g grotesque #e forcas

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moronic-validity · 7 months

Note

Alright, i know its not possible, but

Simon getting cervix penetration?

Listen, with trans Simon, anything is possible!!!!

I did have to google what cervix penetration is and it turns outyou can't actually penetrate the cervix, but we will do some INTENSE cervical stimulation if that works for you

18+ tw non con and medical

Winter had designed the toy when he was still human, it was specific to his own measurements, but after the crown, he had no need for it.

Until Simon came.

The light bulb moment happened within minutes of seeing him.

He would be perfect.

It didn't take much convincing to get Simon to tour the medical facilities.

It took even less to convince him to agree an examination.

His suspicions were confirmed when he saw the top surgery scars.

Only a mention of potential health issues associated with crossing multiverses had him stripping down and changing into a hospital gown.

They really did have so much in common.

He performed the exam quickly and with a smile, before pulling out the stirrups.

Simon was sure that wouldn't be necessary, but Winter had an answer that quited his protests and had him scooting to the end of the table.

He always had an answer.

The exam went as Simon had remembered them before the war, but this one was so much colder.

He couldnt figure out if the speculum was ice or metal, but in Winter's hands, he wasn't sure it would make a difference.

Simon focused on the ceiling, waiting for the embarrassment to end.

Winter smiled to himself as he pulled the device from his jacket. It was longer than it was thick, with a rounded end covered in small bumps.

He watched with eager curiosity as it slid into place.

Simon gasped at the sudden pressure, but didn't say anything.

Winter flipped the switch on the end of the toy and it began pressing against the man's cervix with uneven strokes.

Simon jerked and tried to close his legs, but the ice from the stirrups crawled up to his calves, holding them open.

He tried to come off the bed, only to have more ice wrap around his chest, holding him down.

He began to loudly protest, between gasping moans and whines.

Winter wasn't listening, instead focused on moving the toy in small circles.

Simon had tears in his eyes as he tried to scoot up, away from the penetration, but every move of his hips seemed to give the toy more access than it already had.

Winter loved the sight, the speculum holding his unwilling participant open so he could see the toy at work.

He was dripping wet and Winter knew if he kept this up for just a little longer, he'd orgasm, strapped to a medical table with a jerry-rigged toy pulsing in his cunt.

Admittedly, Winter hated seeing someone live out his fantasies, but who better than himself.

He carefully removed the speculum and the toy, holding Simon at the brink.

The ice retracted and Winter announced the exam was over and that Simon was in good health, with no abnormalities found.

He was sure Simon would come to him later, in search of the orgasm he was denied.

#teddy talks #theo's thoughts #simon petrikov #winterkov #the winter king #simon x winter king #simoncest #winter king x simon #simonpetrikov #winterking #nsft

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pigeonwhumps · 1 year

Text

Declawed

Sam and Lucan masterlist

Taglist: @whump-for-all-and-all-for-whump @onlybadendings @whumpofdory @haro-whumps @flowersarefreetherapy @enigmawritesstuff @quietly-by-myself

Kara's declawed.

1.1k

CWs: medical whump, non-con surgery, restraints, dehumanisation, 'it' for dehumanising, non-human whumpee, werewolf whumpee, burns, amputation, briefly referenced past non-con, slavery, fantasy racism, muzzle, minor whump (Kara's between 16-18)

"Mouth open, wide as you can."

Kara obeys, and her handler forces it open even wider, fitting an open-mouthed gag into her mouth, the buckle catching her fur at the back of her head. She breathes deeply, trying to stay calm. Why would they want to keep her mouth open?

"Good. Now get on the table, paws spread."

She jumps onto the examination table, holding still as the handler straps all four paws down, the thin leather digging in. He scratches her head behind the ear, and she leans into it, the way she knows she's supposed to.

"Good girl. You stay well-behaved like this and you can keep your privileges." He ties her leash to a ring in the ceiling, keeping her head held high, and presses a button on the wall.

A man in a white coat strides in, wheeling a tray of surgical tools. Kara isn't sure what they're all for but the sight of the saw fills her with cold dread. She whines involuntarily.

The– doctor? Surgeon? Kara isn't sure – the man ignores her, taking her back paw in one hand, and a smallish knife in the other. Kara can't see what he's doing, but she can certainly feel it when he slices through her toe, nerves lighting up as they're severed. The bone crunches as he saws through it, and she whines in the back of her throat, back arching away from the pain. She feels every one of the stitches going in.

Then he moves onto the next toe, and the next, and her other back paw, and she doesn't think it'll ever stop. She can feel the blood wet against her pads, it's horrible and sticky, please let it only be the back paws. God, it hurts so much.

Then he comes into view, knife dripping with blood, and takes her front paw. And she can't stand it. She bucks away, growling, trying to pull herself back. It's impossible but she keeps trying until the doctor takes a step back.

"I thought you said it was trained to take pain."

"It is. But this isn't the pain." The handler yanks her head back until she's nearly choking on her collar and says in her ear, "You're not going to play again anyway. No-one would ever want a beast to do something like that. Shut the fuck up and be still before you lose any more privileges."

Kara gulps in air when he lets go, the doctor taking the opportunity to slice through one of her remaining toes. Her eyes go wide with the pain, and she sees her handler smiling. She whines.

"You know, it'd be much easier to work if you were silent. Oh well. That's your paws made safe and bandaged, just your teeth to go now. Keep your head still unless you want a hole in your cheek."

Kara does so, trembling with cold and pain and blood loss and fear as the doctor reaches inside her mouth and files her sharp teeth. It doesn't really hurt at first, not like her paws do, but then he gets down to the nerves and pain shoots through her jaw, white-hot and pulsing. She whines and growls instinctively but he ignores her this time.

The pain pulses from her jaw to her head, her paws throb, and she doesn't even notice it's finished until the handler unstraps her, smacking her a few times until she notices.

"Finally. You're really a glutton for punishment today, 07598. Care instructions?"

"No doing anything with its hands until it's healed. You can teach it to walk properly again in humanoid form but that's it for its feet. No bitted muzzles. And no fucking it until it's healed either. Other than that? Have at it."

"I'm not allowed to fuck it anymore anyway, now it has an owner. Shame. Off the table and follow me, 07598, and keep up."

Kara tumbles off the table at a yank of her leash, not having noticed she's been untied, and yelps, scrambling after her handler. Her paws don't skitter anymore, she notices vaguely through her haze. They won't ever skitter again.

She ends up being dragged a few times across the rough concrete, her paws too sore to move at speed, but she barely notices over the throbbing already there. When they reach her cell, her handler pulls out what looks like a sheet of bent silver-coated steel with holes punched in it. She whines, cringing back as he slaps it over her face, tightening the straps tightly behind her head. It burns. It all burns, even the straps burn. She whines, resisting the instinctive attempt to paw at it.

"Gotta make sure it'll stay nice and tight to your skin in the morning, haven't I? It's your own fault you've lost privileges. And don't expect any food, water or clothes either. After that mess in the clinic, you're not getting anything until I'm satisfied you've learned. Your new owner wants you thin anyway."

Then he ties her leash to the wall and leaves, slamming and locking the gate behind him. Kara curls up under the fluorescent lights, the metal clang reverberating around her head, throbbing paws curled over against her chest. Her face is a mass of burning, pulsing agony, she can't cover it or more of her will burn. She whimpers but it can't be heard past the metal. She can't she can't she can't, she can't do anything, it's all too much, too much too much too much, and maybe if she'd been still and silent it would've been less, but she couldn't, it was too much then and it's too much now and she won't ever be able to play again with her hands like this.

Kara's jaw throbs like it never has before, why did they have to go down to the nerves, that wasn't necessary even if they wanted to file her teeth, and she curls up tighter and sobs. She doesn't care who hears, this place is full of crying anyway.

Her little sister, in the few months between her sister discovering Kara's lycanthropy and their parents calling the hotline for her to be taken away, nicknamed her Sharptooth. Now... she'll never be Sharptooth again. Even if she did, somehow, miraculously, find a way out of here, even if she could see her sister again, she'd never be Sharptooth. She'll never play her clarinet again. She definitely couldn't achieve her dream of attending a conservatoire now.

Even if she manages to escape (and she will, one day, somehow, there must be a way), she'll never get any of her life back.

#whump #whump writing #non human whumpee #werewolf whump #werewolf whumpee #whumpee and whumper #multiple whumpers #medical whump #slavery whump #non con surgery #non con mentions #restrained #dehumanisation #burns #muzzle #amputation #sam and lucan #kara oc #minor whump

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voiceoffenrisulfr · 2 months

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Winter Wonderland Masterlist (2)

'A Walk Together Through Snow Covered Streets' 'Silent Hugs' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter Nineteen. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Getting pinned on a stakeout is dangerous. Luckily, Matt has a new skill that will come in handy. 'Stuck Together' On The Tide - Chapter Four. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Winter gets in an altercation for his ‘laziness’, and his Captain comes to his defence. CW: Implied risk of violence. 'Kissing the Other's Scars' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter 23. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Matt is caught in the shower, and Clint decides to punish him. CW: Kinky sex, sexual ‘punishment’. 'Watching the Clouds' On The Tide - Chapter One. Bucky Barnes, but make it ‘Environmental Activist AU’. And also queer. Always queer. Trans!Bucky gets a job fighting for the innocents of the ocean – and seems to be of particular irritation and interest to his new Captain. 'Got to Do What You Got to Do to Survive' Hail Hydra - Chapter Five. The torture turns violent, and Bucky struggles to cope. CW: Stab wound, shock collar, humiliation, forced nudity. 'Shielding Someone With Their Body' On The Tide - Chapter Four. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Winter gets in an altercation for his ‘laziness’, and his Captain comes to his defence. CW: Implied risk of violence. 'Found Family' On The Tide - Chapter Six. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Things are tense after the accidental kiss, and Lieutenant Tyne learns more about his newest recruit. CW: Mentions of homophobia and criminalisation of homosexuality, vague references to theoretical SA. "Don't Lie - Not to Me." On The Tide - Chapter Two. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Winter's true nature is revealed, the Captain finds him a hinderance and an optimistic bastard, but the sailor’s rough exterior is stripped away a little. CW: Vomiting (seasickness), surgery mentions, historical physical trauma mentions. 'Dancing in the Snow' Silver & Gold - Chapter Three. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Male OC. A lazy morning and some local exploration with the CrazyGirl. CW: Smut. 'Feeling Weak From Blood Loss' Hail Hydra - Chapter 9. Things begin to reach their climax, and an announcement reaches the Soviet compound. CW: Forced to kill; death of PoWs; mentions of torture, neglect and abuse; gun violence. 'Goodnight Kisses' Silver & Gold - Chapter Four. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Original Male Character. Silver and Gold prepare for Christmas, and get lost in the magic of the season. CW: More smut. 'Freezing Temperatures' Silver & Gold - Chapter Three. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Male OC. A lazy morning and some local exploration with the CrazyGirl. CW: Smut. 'Pressing Foreheads Together' Silver & Gold - Chapter Five. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Original Male Character. Silver and Gold go ice-skating, and a storm blows out their power. Even obstacles can be fun when you face them together. CW: Implied Smut, Self-image issues.

'Tattooing Over a Scar' Hail Hydra - Chapter Fourteen. Bucky finds out what it is to be a part of Zola’s experiment, and is marked as Hydra’s property. CW: Death of an unknown character, corpses, non-con body modification, sexual assault. 'Feeling Guilty Because Their Partner Got Hurt' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter Twenty-One. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. The boys go for some feel-good fun... Don't let the blind guy pilot a sled. CW: Accidental injury, guilt.

'Peppering Kisses All Over Their Face' Silver & Gold - Chapter Six. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Original Male Character. Lia gives Yoshi one hell of a birthday surprise. CW: all the smut, as always. Photography/videography. Emotions and things. The typical fluffiness. 'Continuously Running Up Against the Other' On The Tide - Chapter Two. Bucky Barnes x Original Male Character. Winter's true nature is revealed, the Captain finds him a hinderance and an optimistic bastard, but the sailor’s rough exterior is stripped away a little. CW: Vomiting (seasickness), surgery mentions, historical physical trauma mentions

'Blizzard' Hail Hydra - Chapter Eleven. Bucky gets to his new home, and is treated with surprising tenderness- until he isn't. CW: Violence, slavery, implied risk to life. 'Can't Open Their Eyes' Hail Hydra - Chapter Ten. Things begin to reach their climax, and an announcement reaches the Soviet compound. CW: Forced to kill; death of PoWs; mentions of torture, neglect and abuse; gun violence. 'Breakfast in Bed' With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter Twenty-Two. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. Clint ends up snotty and wheezy after his time face-down in the snow, so Matt takes care of him. CW: Illness (non-vomiting), reference to previous injury.

'Everything Comes With a Price' Hail Hydra - Chapter Twelve. Bucky settles into his prolonged captivity until his creator is ready to return to him, and finds out exactly what it means to obey without question. CW: Restraint, forced obedience, physical punishment, sexual slavery/non-con, self-induced vomiting, disassociation following trauma. 'Not Their First Love, But Surely The Last' (Alternate) With Eyes to See and Ears to Hear - Chapter 24. Clint Barton x Matt Murdock. It's the finale! 'Their Fingers Brush Together' (Alternate) On The Tide - Chapter One. Bucky Barnes x Male OC. Bucky Barnes, but make it ‘Environmental Activist AU’. And also queer. Always queer. Trans!Bucky gets a job fighting for the innocents of the ocean – and seems to be of particular irritation and interest to his new Captain.

'Lost in the Woods During a Storm' (Alternate) Silver & Gold - Chapter Eight. Natasha Romanoff (ish) x Original Male Character. Everyone's favourite couple go exploring - but not everything goes as smoothly as they'd like. CW: Exposure, hypothermia, accidental injury.

@seasonaldelightsbingo

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frogmansfrog2 · 1 year

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Heya welcome to my misgendering blog. I'm always open to chatting and having some fun but please read this before messaging me!

Minors (or no age in bio), p3d0s, pro-ED, genuine transphobes, racist, anti-lgbtq+ p3dobait*, zoophiles/be@stial!ty DNI!!!

*Idc if it's a kink I don't like p3dobait or be@stial!ty stuff it makes me uncomfortable so even if you like or/and repost stuff with those tags, DNI

If you are into r@pe play and dd/lg+b you can interact but please don't add tags like that to my posts. Especially anything to do with ageplay or r@pebait. It makes me super uncomfortable.

THIS IS ALL FANTASY FOR ME AND AS A WAY TO DEAL WITH GENUINE TRANSPHOBIA. I HAVE NO INTENTIONS OF DETRANSITIONING OR REGETS ABOUT IT, DO NOT TRY TO TELL ME OTHERWISE.

It/it’s, she/her, or he/him in kink ONLY he/him outside of kink

Do not try and play with me if you are a straight man or are not also attracted to cis men, I don't want to play with actual chasers.

Do not refer to me as a girl out of play, this is purely something I like in scene. I would really appreciate some sort of aftercare after play whether just calling me a boy again or just saying I did a good job and whatnot.

LIMITS

-Non-con

-Rimming

-Pregnancy or anything mentioning it

-Body shaming

-Agepl@y/ddlb-lg

-Feet

-Scat

-Beast!al!ty

-Inc3st

-Anything with my chest, I’m post op and don’t have tits

-Alpha stuff

-Anything involving real people

-somno/anything where I’m unconscious

-feeding/stuffing/inflation kink or anything involving weight

-I don’t send pics or vids nor do I snap

-If you're 45+ you can look at my blog but I will not send DMs and I ask you to not either

Terms to use: pussy, cunt, hole, cock, cocklet, dick, dicklet, clit, clitty, vagina, clitoris, cervix

Terms NOT to use: cunny, kitty, womb, uterus

Main kinks I’m looking for

-Misgendering/feminization

-Humiliation

-Praise

-Small cock/clit humiliation

-Degrading

-Anal only

-Being hurt for a doms pleasure (especially through anal)

-Dumbification

-Objectification

-Dehumanization

-Mocking/patronizing

-Piss play (especially pissing IN my cunt)

-Training

-g@ngbang

-free use

-finger sucking

-cum play

-knotting (not animal or omegaverse or furry)

-breeding (no pregnancy just cum)

A bunch more too but that’d be a very very long list

What I’m mainly looking for with misgendering:

-Being called girl, princess, doll, babygirl, etc.

-Being referred to as she/her

-Making me refer to myself in third person by she/her

-Using my (fake) dead name (or making me tell you)

-telling me that I don’t have a dick and have a clit and a pussy

-telling me that Im not a real man/comparing me with a cis man

-Saying that my clit is tiny/small

-Saying that I’m just a straight girl and not a gay man

-making me say I’m a girl or admit that I’m not a real man and don’t have a dick (if I argue keep going unless I straight up tell you to stop or I safeword if we have established one)

-Using anatomical terms like clitoris, vagina, cervix and/or making me use them for myself as well

-I’m totally fine with someone saying they’re going to breed me as long as they don’t bring up pregnancy or anything with womb or uterus stuff but filling me with cum is fine.

-Saying if I won't say I'm a girl then you'll fuck my ass like a boy/anal as punishment

-Saying I deserve to be punished and abused for lying about being a girl and make me apologize

-Making me watch straight porn and comparing me to the woman

-Other trans men telling me I'm not a real man like them and that I'm just a fakeboy

-Telling me how you'd make me be into women for your amusement even if I'm only into guys. (Eating them out, watching you fuck them eating the cum out after, etc.)

What Im NOT looking for:

-implying all trans men are not real men. Im fine with saying that there are real trans men that are men but Im just not one of them.

-Detrans, saying I should stop T or shouldn’t have gotten top surgery

-Anything to do with pregnancy or reproductive systems

-Corrective rape or assault, I don’t do anything involving rape whether it’s pretend or not

-Anything about weight or inflation

#misgendering blog #ftm girl #ftm misgendering #my own post #misgender me #fakeboy #tw misgendering

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melodygatesauthor · 11 months

Text

Melody's Blog Contents

Blorbos/Tropes/Kinks/E.T.C.

A list of characters, tropes, kinks and more that I do and do not write for. As a reminder I DO NOT TAKE REQUESTS. This is just a list for newcomers to my blog to know what I'm all about and what they can expect to see as they explore my blog.

Fandoms and Blorbos

~ Current Fandoms and Blorbos I Write For ~

Moon Knight

Marc Specor Jake Lockley Steven Grant

Across the Spider-verse

Miguel O'Hara

Star Wars

Poe Dameron

Dune (2021)

Duke Leto Atreides

Other Oscar Isaac Characters

Santiago Garcia

Blue Jones

Nathan Bateman

Basil Stitt

King John

William Tell

~~~~

~ Back Burner Fandoms and Blorbos ~

Disclaimer: I am not CURRENTLY writing for these blorbos but that doesn't mean I won't write for them again! -

Rainbow Six Siege

Not writing for this fandom right now

Apex Legends

Revenant

Star Wars

Kylo Ren

Triple Frontier

Benny Miller

Tropes/Kinks/Etcetera

Disclaimer: I will NOT yuck your yum, there are just some things I am not comfortable writing about and/or do not enjoy writing about and do not wish to write about again or at all.

If you are uncomfortable with any of these topics, please remember to read my tags prior to reading any of my fics. I am very good about my warnings so HEED THEM.

Have Written/Will Write

~ Tropes/AUs ~

Dad's Best Friend Royalty Vampire Coffee Shop AU Modern AU College AU No Powers AU Best Friend's Dad Yandere Dark Version of a Character Brothel/Club AU Asylum AU More!

NSFW/Graphic Content/Kinks - including but not limited to:

Non/Dub-con General Smut/Porn Somnophilia Voyeurism Blood - physical violence/action scenes/blood kink Menstruation - excluding oral menstrual kinks Spit Praise BDSM Toys Daddy/Mommy Pegging Public Sex Breeding Pregnancy (in relation to breeding kink) Self-cest (Moon Knight specifically) Drunk Sex Consenting Adult Age-gap sex Orgy Suicide Addition Explicit violence Murder More!

Things I Will Not Write

Scat Watersports Furry Incest Pedophilia/Under 18 Terminal Illness Self harm (I'm sure there are many more I can't think of right now)

Reader Inclusivity

I do my best to be as inclusive as possible with my reader inserts. That being said, here are some things to keep in mind.

I avoid talking about hair, blushing, and any other physical indicators for the reader altogether. - Side note, in my earlier fics I am guilty of describing hair and such, I have not updated them but intend to when time allows -

If a physical descriptor is necessary for the reader, you will be informed prior to the start of the fic so you can choose if you'd like to continue reading or not.

I also try my best to leave out upbringing or nationality to stay as inclusive as possible. If you notice a lack of inclusivity WITHOUT PRIOR WARNING IN THE TAGS then please inform me immediately so I can fix it.

I will sometimes write self-indulgent fics as a plus size woman.

I mostly write f!Reader meaning - Reader identifies as a woman and has a vagina and breasts.

My m!Reader - Reader identifies as a man and has a penis and no breasts.

My gn!Reader - Usually is non-explicit/non-smutty content that uses they/them pronouns when reader is mentioned. Genitalia either does not play a role in these fics or is not mentioned.

My transmasc!Reader - is a FTM trans person who has had top surgery, has bottom growth and a vagina.

My reader is always non-religious and I will rarely discuss religion in fics unless necessary.

Reader is attracted to men but that doesn't necessarily mean they're attracted to men exclusively.

Back to FAQs

Back to Main Masterlist

#melody talks #melodys blog contents

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shadowlight17 · 1 year

Text

CloneShipping Big Bang Sneak Peek!

Here is the sneak peek for Squad Two!! @cloneshippingbigbang

So excited to bring this to you all! It's my first time podficcing so this will be fun! PRESENTING With @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan as Author. And as Artists @artoforesteia, myself, and Lightning Dropkick (who is also Beta). Fic Title:

Time is an Illusion, The Galaxy Makes No Sense

Rated: Mature. Word Count: 50,300

Pairings: Brill(OC)/Boss, OC/Fixer, OC/Sev, OC/Scorch

Tags: Temporary Character Death (Boss), Game Mechanic Shenanigans, Brain Surgery, Clone Commandos, Republic Commando, Alternate Universe, A/B/O, Clone Trooper Discrimination, Clone Troopers Deserve Better, Sheev Palpatine is His Own Warning, Yandere Clone Troopers, Dark Clone Troopers, OC/Boss, OC/Scorch, OC/Fixer, OC/Sev, Possessive Clone Troopers, Dub Con, mentions of non con off screen, The Force, Magic-ish

Major Archive Warnings: Major Character Death, Dubcon.

Summary:

Boss has an Unusual Defect, one that makes it seem like he can travel back in time to a point in the past. Usually, once he has been healed up at a bacta tank dispenser. One of the things that he realizes is, not only is he shifting through time, he is shifting through Alternate Dimensions and Timelines, most of them are very similar to the ones that he originally came from, and some of them are very different. But as a Commando, he was trained to roll with the punches, and flying blaster bolts, and is determined to keep his squad alive. No matter how many times he has to die in order to get a happier ending.

Snippet and Sneak Peek below!

He... pauses and listens, asking questions and slowly following after Sev. Quiet and determined- and interested in that cure- and offering his help, in what little can, what with knowing only enough medical stuff to patch himself and his vode 'e up mid- and post-battle.

Still- Sev encouraged his interesting Other Things- rather than eyeing his blaster with the desperate gaze that he's seen in other vod'e- he's still on Being Watched- for... Suicidal Ideation. Just in case. Boss listens and learns much as the geneticists allow him to of the testing and what they are doing- them finding the Cure- and then later a shelf-stable version of it.

One that he very studiously learns how to make- his joints, oh, how they ache and crack, even though getting the rapid aging cure helps, he is still suffering the after-effects of the rapid aging, before it had been shifted to normal nat-born aging rates for a near-human species.

Still- during one of the times that they are helping the Rebels out with administrative tasks, teaching tactics, and whatnot, which helps them, most of these nat-borns are very painfully civilian.

It's interesting, teaching other skills to fight and defend and tactics to kill and harm. Then the alarm klaxons ring, and as the Empire descends on them, Boss makes sure to help others evacuate and fight.

He sees Sev get dragged on a transport- who turns to look- eyes widening in alarm as he sees Boss not on the ship as the last transport takes flight while he is still on the ground- Sev is trying to move there is noise and light and heat and pain... light, darkness, and a howling silence.

Boss's eyes snap open and his eyes flicker around swiftly as he tries to assess where he is, when it is, and what's going on. He mentally frowns as he looks around, everything seems... bigger- and he notices the harsh white walls and blinding- not blinding lights.

Kamino. Why the kark is he all the way on Kamino? That doesn't make sense- he should be somewhere in Kashyyyk not on Kamino. Perhaps it was because it had been so long since he had done a Return?

Hm... Finishing using the bacta tank dispenser on Kamino he walks- almost wobbling, Sweet karking force how young is he? He finds a mirror and sees a cadet just barely out of decanting peer at him in the mirror.

Well, kriff. He's back years in the past- before the start of the War, and well before the Rise of the Empire- and the fall of the Republic. Which had been more decaying into the Empire- but alas, such quibbles are for those that care about politics and mega-conglomerations.

One of the first things that the tubie-cadet Commandos are taught is how to use the bacta tank dispensers. The only times they are sent to the medics are for is when they get shots and their annual medical checks that all vod'e have to take.

#delta squad #republic commando #oc/canon #cloneshipping event #cloneshipping big bang #CSBB22 #cloneshipping Big Bang 2022-23 #podfic #star wars art #Alternate Universe #cloneshipping

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starssunsoftheinfinite · 1 year

Text

MasterPost Please Read

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

WRITTING REQUESTS {OPEN still working on that Loki fic but I'm now in a spot where I can fill in more requests while I do it! Might be a little slow though<3 my apologies}

ART REQUESTS {OPEN}

Full Fanfictions can be found posted separately here, as well as eventually a large collection of one-shots from Tumblr as I write them for ease of reading ☆

Who will I write for? {more to come}

☆MCU☆

Bucky Barnes/Winter Soldier {Please specify if you'd like WS Bucky}

Loki/Jotun Loki {Please specify if you'd like Jotun Loki to be canonical as in smaller than the usual frost giants or something more like the what if? Jotun loki}

Steve Rogers

Thor Odinson

Peter Parker {I won't write smut for him thats anything more than extensive kissing}

☆The Witcher☆

Jaskier

Geralt

☆The Hobbit☆

Bilbo Baggins

Thorin Oakensheild

Fili

Kili

Thranduil

Legolas {Please specify if youd like Hobbit Legolas or LOTR Legolas}

Bard

☆The Lord of the Rings☆

Frodo Baggins

Samwise Gamgee

Pippin Took

Merry Brandybuck

Aragorn

Gimli

Legolas

Sauron {He would be portrayed in a physical form, please specify if you'd want your own description of him, please provide this in the ask, Sauron in his armor, Rings of Power Sauron, or the Sauron that's often depicted in fanart E.G the long blonde hair ect}

Elrond

Lindir

☆Castlevania☆

Alucard

Trevor

Would you write for ships?

Yes! Nothing incestuous {that includes thorki} or with questionable dynamics/age differences {e.g tony stark and peter parker} though.

Even if it's an obscure ship or a rare pare such as Loki and Bucky or something like that I'm willing to give it a go.

I will write ships for all the fandoms I have in my Bio.

Do you write x readers?

Yes! If you don't specify what gender you'd like them to be for, I will always go for completely neutral {Please message me if you notice any slip-ups that give the reader a gender identity in these fics!}

I'll happily write for Cis men, Nonbinary{transmasc or transfem}, Agender, Genderfluid, Transmen, or any other identity you'd like to be written about.

However, I don't feel comfortable writing Female readers, my apologies.

When requesting a trans reader, please specify things that you want to be mentioned such as does the reader wear a binder, have top surgery, or neither? Bottom surgery? Hormone therapy? etc... If any of these aren't specified I will do my best to keep the language either neutral or on the more masculine side for Transmasc or Transman readers {E.G referring to the genitalia as a dick in smut fics if needed whether they have surgery or not}

What kinds of things can I ask for in smutfics?

Im open to writing most kinks.

I WONT WRITE {more things to be added as time goes on}

age play {in nonsexual situations its fine}

race play

excessive food play {I'll write it lightly but I dont like to get too into it}

Non-con or dubious consent {this includes if both of either character is intoxicated in some way}

Urine play

Scat fetishes

Fart play

I will not write the use of slurs during sexual interactions

Can I be given a nickname if I want to ask anonymously but still want you to know it's me?

Of course! Just request a nickname or emoji/symbol to be used for you and Ill add you to a list I have to make sure only one person has that nickname.

Taken sign offs - 💚

─── ･｡ﾟ☆: *.☽ .* :☆ﾟ. ───

If you have any questions please send them in my ask box

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chaotic---calm · 10 months

Note

Hi again! Thanks for the heads-up for this chapter! I don't usually use AO3 logged in (I get shy over commenting without posting fics of my own), so it's great knowing when to go for updates. I checked it early, but writing this took a bit. (ETA: I'm so sorry for how much of a mess this review is, I write as I read and then I get sidetracked and… well, this happens. ETA 2: This is freaking long, even by my own standards. Get yourself a drink before starting it?)

Warning given, this chapter starts with Yunmeng trio and going by the fact I already want to hug JYL and strangle WWX, I'd say you're writing them great! I love WWX in theory, but I also hate how easily and carelessly he insults JC every single time they're together. I know WWX doesn't mean to really belittle JC, but damn it, it's a form of affection I do not compute at all. You have an anti-LQR bias, I have an anti-WWX bias, if I knew him I'd punch his face within the hour. But getting back on track (wow, sidetracked within the first paragraph, this is going great), to make up for WWX being WWX, I love JYL pulling him back and calling JC sect leader! That is real material help to JC! She is, if not not worried about his choices, at least respectful enough to not question them directly. Or in front of the disciples. So bless her and her willingness to use her ability to order around WWX, who even when he's leaving I still want to slap because his reasoning is so annoying (he cares enough to bother and push JC emotionally, but not to not stray at the promise of fun? This man, I just can't with him. He'll probably get back on track eventually, but his logic is just so alien to me.)

Going ahead, JYL making sure to show concern without doubt is why she's the MVP, love that of her. JC has always been doubted, always been judged and found wanting, he needs more of this. I love how JYL asks for if JC is sure, if this is what he wants. She doesn't allow him to sidestep the question, she doesn't ask if he loves LXC because JC would say something like as sect leader he cannot wait to marry for love, but it does matter to her that JC wants this marriage, that he's not selling himself for the good of the sect, because they both know what a horrible weight to carry an unwanted marriage is, they both know how much it hurts everyone, and that's not what she wants for him.

And JC's answer! I love his answer! It's a direct parallel to LXC's to LWJ's same question! LXC wants to have a place where he's his own person, respected and listened to regardless of his gender, and because that place cannot be Cloud Recesses, then he does want to marry the one person who promises that at his own home. Similarly, JC wants his sect and himself to flourish politically so he can give his family the opportunity to have what they want, so yes he does want to marry LXC because it's a path to achieve his true desires and he trusts LXC to not undermine his goals in his search of his own. In that sense it is wanting, and yet it's not what JYL wants for JC.

Oh, so this is CQL-verse, I didn't even notice that, okay, the WQ mention makes sense then, and though in CQL I am a ChengQing believer, I think JYL is being extremely unfair bringing it up now. Like, girl, I believe you have more brain than to even suggest the idea, no matter how much JC may have wanted it, if he did. Even if he cared for WQ in that way (which here he never got to find out!), there's the whole "you're part of my trauma" issue even without considering the political suicide (which is the reason doomed romance CQL ChengQing is so cool!). Also, the trust issue that JC mentions, WHICH IS SO VALID OF HIM. NOT WANTING TO MARRY SOMEONE WHO WOULD DO NON-CON SURGERY ON YOU IS THE MOST NORMAL THING HE COULD DO. (Hey, I'm back on my "JC has the most normal —I said normal, not reasonable or healthy— reactions to trauma in this whole damn book" agenda. Because literally everyone else is insane, beginning with WWX.)

The good thing about JYL's little mention of WQ, besides the assurance that for all she's willing to enforce JC's place as sect leader, JYL still cares for him as her brother ("[I] don't want you to give too much of yourself" is literally the point I said about JYL worrying about JC selling himself for the sect, which is her acknowledgment of how devoted JC is to what he loves, something that JC needs because neither his parents nor WWX were ever good at letting him know his love was received, let alone accepted or even wanted), is the revelation that JC does trust LXC. It's a funny thing, because JC is only just figuring it out, but even before he was acting on that trust already. I love when the narration shows stuff before the character finds about it.

And back to JC and his wholehearted devotion to his family and sect, I love and hate how he tells JYL that nothing is too much for him to give. It's heartening how much he loves, it's also hurtful that JC holds nothing of himself as sacred as WWX, JYL and the Jiang sect. Something, something, you exist for this, owe yourself to it, have no worth aside from it, something, something. A mentality that JYL contradicts when she asks about his happiness. I think that question, and JC's answer, are worth much more than whatever "could have been" is there with WQ.

I also like that JC tells JYL about how this helps LXC too. Partly because that point is what gives coherence to the marriage (it already makes sense politically for the Jiang sect, but it's how it helps LXC that makes sense for JC as a person, and what would probably resonate to WWX, I think), partly because it brings the topic of omegas and their treatment. As one herself, I'd think it'd be something of a well acquitted sting for JYL, and she does mention some of it. YZY as an atypical omega is a great point! I love the comparison between them, the way it touches on how one is punished for straying out of the mold, but the other is constrained for staying inside it. I'm not sure if there's a name for this, there must be, but the point is how there's no winning route for an omega and JYL knows it from her mother's and her own experience. Even if the Jiang sect has a history of not leaning so much into omega oppression, it still have shaped all three Jiang siblings, especially JYL despite everyone's attempt to shield her. I do wonder what she's expecting of a future marriage, what with the contradiction of YZY's personality and expectations for her with JZX's attitude and the understanding that at the Jin sect omegas fear the sect leader. No wonder she's saddened to find even ZWJ would suffer for his gender, that not even the "righteous" Lan are above hurting someone simply for being an omega. Of course JC tries to reassure her after that. I'm glad JC is willing to threaten JZX again, though being real there's only so much that, as sect leader of a still recovering sect, he can actually do. If something did happen, I think they would depend on JZX himself admitting he deserved (a bit of) what the Yunmeng bros do to him to avoid getting into real trouble (which he probably would, since post-war JZX already went through the most of his character development and he's a mostly decent person).

I love how easily JC and JYL share "I love you"s. It's not that the other's brand of love doesn't sometimes rub them the wrong way (JC doesn't like JYL sending him to rest! he hates acknowledging he's not as capable as before! especially because he felt no one ever thought much of him before and he thinks himself even less now!), but they can say it and they do feel it form each other and it's very significant for how it opposes JC and WWX's love for each other, which neither feels they can say they love the other but also can't be sure that their acts of love can be understood (half the time they are not, but at least for now it's only half, since there's been no non-con surgeries nor years of lies. which makes me wonder exactly how did JC find out about the almost transplant, because I don't trust WWX to have told him. that moment must have altered their relationship and I want to see both the point of inflection and exactly where they are standing with each other now). Speaking of JC and WWX, the whole JC grimacing at WWX's antics is so part of the whole "cannot be sincere with each other" thing they have going. JC would hate anything grandiose and wasteful (mostly because the sect's coffers aren't exactly brimming with gold at the moment), but he wouldn't genuinely dislike WWX showing enthusiasm for his wedding, and JYL knows it, but still JC cannot just take WWX's exuberance in stride, it's not part of their (messed up by their parents) dynamic.

My heart aches for how JC considers his marriage under the lens of his parents', but I'm also so relieved by the fact he can feel confidence in his choice. On an unrelated note, I'm enjoying the whole JC doing introspection and considering the future while submerged in his private pond that repeats from the first chapter (may even come back in the future?). It makes it feel like that's his place, which, duh, it's private for a reason, but I mean it in the "I feel safe here" kind of sense.

Wow, I've barely finished the first section, I should move on. Let's tackle LXC's side now! I roll my eyes at the Lan elders because whether they want the wedding or not, it is happening, and it's politically unwise to not show unity as a sect. (I mean, they could intentionally be trying to say they disavow the union and won't treasure LXC once he marries out, but let me laugh at the idea of LWJ ever allowing the Lan sect as a whole turning their back at LXC with him as sect leader.) I like the mention of the awkward greetings between Lan and Jiang, a reminder of how out of the blue this wedding is, they never got time to grow closer! Also, I giggle at the image of LXC being spirited away by the Jiang servants to prepare himself to get married. Then there's how the whole wedding is a blur except for the vows! There's something there about the couple's synchronicity and what has significance in one's heart (or maybe just what a writer can dedicate time detailing).

More significantly, there's who has attended the wedding and oh! I love the detail of the Jiang having some disciples, not just the family. In part it's because the wedding is at Lotus Pier, but I think it also says something about how much the Jiang values them, despite none of them being the ones JC grew up with. They are described as "prominent disciples", but just how prominent can they have become in the short time since they joined the sect? What kind of prominent are they? I think these must be the ones that either first joined JC's recruitment, when he literally had nothing and no one except WWX and JYL, or the ones that must have proved themselves in the reconstruction, because I don't think any of them could have compared to WWX, NMJ, LWJ or LXC (or even JZX) in battle, but they sure could have made themselves known for being the firsts to obey JC's commands or putting the most effort into helping the sect, doing more than they were asked to. So, yeah, I want to know which Jiang disciples were invited to the wedding proper (I mean, if you are up to it, I know you said you want to focus on XiCheng).

For the Lan I already said my piece, which leads us to the Nie and now I want to strangle NMJ! THE FUCK IS WITH HIM SNUBBING JC AND LXC LIKE THIS?! HE THINKS HE'S TOO GOOD TO ATTEND THE JIANG-LAN WEDDING? HE'S PUBLICLY DISAPPROVING OF THEM? HOW DARE HE! *angry bunny noises* If it wasn't bad enough that this hurts LXC politically, he also makes him sad! Unacceptable. *bunny hides evidence of murder plotting* At least NHS had the decency to attend accompanied, it would have been too big an insult if he had to go by himself, it would look like only he (the unskilled omega brother) cared for this wedding, not the Nie sect. At least like this it's unconfirmed if the disciples are there because NMJ sent NHS as representative of his sect, or if they are only there because NHS insisted on going despite NMJ not wanting to acknowledge the marriage.

Then there's the Jin. I have no idea what the Jin sending so many people means. Is it an (at least on surface) signal of their interest in having a close relationship with the Jiang (and Lan?) sect? Is it a dare for the Jiang to serve so many people with their diminished wealth? Bunny doesn't know. But! I do know I hate JGS and his smarmy toast, fuck that guy! And bless NHS! A true friend of JC and LXC! LOVE how he used his "clumsiness" to his advantage. ALSO really liked JZX (and JGY, but that's more suspect) hurrying to manage JGS, I like JZX's little shows of being a decent person despite his family.

As mad as it made me, the whole scene with the toast was excellent. I love LXC hidding his displeasure while remarking on LWJ not doing so, as well as LXC noting JC shaking with rage but also signaling WWX to keep his mouth shut. It really says it all about the differences between the siblings that were raised to be sect leaders and the ones who were not. WWX and LWJ do not care for politics, they are very "this is how it should be" (mostly morally, but also to their own interests, as when LWJ is going "poor Wei Ying" over the guy that literally killed his brother-in-law —well, technically not in CQL, but he still did kill all those cultivators in Nightless city— even if there were circumstances, and because WWX is all "I do what I want and do not give a fuck about your opinion about it" even after that attitude literally kills him) and very little "this is how it can realistically be, because people in power are self-serving bitches and you cannot change that by simply thinking it's wrong", which is a huge headache for JC on a daily basis because WWX is a hundred time louder about it than LWJ. I like how the story points out that LXC does wish he could allow WWX to say what he wants to say, it's important to me that it shows LXC doesn't wish there was some polite way to handle this, he desires WWX could say what he's ready to say, even when he knows better than to act on it. Oh! Extra point here! I love LXC pointing out the condescension in JGS using JC's birth name! It's something important to me because it reminds me of the whole issue of how one addresses another person, the level of respect, and how JYL and WWX do or do not help JC by calling him sect leader when he needs them to reinforce his position. Like when JC referred to LXC as ZWJ to that one elder the other time! Titles can show distance, but they also show respect and using or not using them has meaning!

Getting back on track, after NHS saves the day, the Jiangs smooth it all over with a perfect combo: WWX clowns his way into relaxing the atmosphere and JYL politely ends the event, gold star for them! Then, on their way out, XiCheng meet NHS. I'm really happy to see him so accepting of the match, even eager for it to go well. Whether he really doesn't see where it comes from (possibly true, possibly not), he's already shown his favor by handling JGS for them. It does help that these are two of his favorite people (the way he's so playful with each of them! not quite hiding his smile at LXC and swatting JC with his fan!) who are getting together, but I think part of it is that NHS knows that JC is, if not exactly eager to start an "omega liberation" campaign, a decent person who doesn't judge his sister or NHS himself for being omegas (he probably judges NHS for neglecting his cultivation and his duties as his brother's heir —if he still is here—, but not his gender), so he will treat LXC fairly and with respect, which is more than he can say of his own brother. He had things to care of? Really? Whatever could be more important than his best friend's wedding to the sect leader of a major sect? Really, JGS, Mr. "I get off to politically oppressing barely-in-their-twenties adults" went, shouldn't that say something about how big an event this is? I feel for NHS having to tell such blatant lie. I also hurt for LXC having a front row seat to the easy friendship between JC and NHS despite their genders, while having to force himself to not think about his friendship with NMJ and what will happen to it. They don't mean to, but it really rubs salt on that wound.

Oh god, now it's time for JGY. I— fuck. Okay, here we go. It's very, uhm, say suspicious how he words his congratulations and hopes for their marriage. However, what I most take notice of is his taking LXC away from his new husband to talk to him. You… don't do that? At least say something like "if I may have a word with er-ge"! Besides being suspicious as hell, more so with that shoulder touch, even if no one thinks something inappropriate, there's how it doesn't look good for LXC to walk away from JC right after marrying him. JGY knows what he's doing and it's not nice of him, bad JGY! I can so see this being a play at making this marriage start with rumors of JC forcing the marriage and/or LXC resenting that he couldn't marry JGY (because he's a beta and there's his mother's profession), something about having XiCheng at odds with each other from the start, perhaps. Maybe putting NMJ against JC if he thinks that NMJ may come around to LXC's side despite his prejudices?

Then there's JGY's play at not having anything to do with JGS knowing LXC's secret. Ugh. I'm not even going to comment on how shitty that is (or how uncharacteristic, he does love LXC in canon —your pick on whether romantically or platonically but the man did care for LXC in his own way, he shoves him away so LXC doesn't die!), I just hate bad acting and he's not being at all convincing here (again, rare, man is an excellent liar usually, but then this is LXC, no need for his best performance with someone who wants to believe the lie). Wait, is that some jealousy I'm smelling from JGY? Is he upset that LXC only sees him as a friend? Uhm! That would be an interesting development. A particularly curious one considering he sold LXC's secret (and once again I find that so weird, JGY must have the greatest understanding of what happens to omegas, because I don't doubt for a second that there's plenty of them at the brothel, what was the logic behind selling LXC's secret? there must be something I'm missing).

Regardless of the details of JGY's machinations, I want to shake LXC. Boy, don't trust whoever tells you "I didn't do it!" just because they're your friend! Please, listen to common sense and logic a little bit more! Both you and JC suffer a lot in canon for trusting liars just because you love them and that's a great part of the overall tragedy.

Moving on, we're back to JC POV! OMG, they're so nervous and awkward, it's so freaking cute!! *squeal* And then ouch. I cringe at the landmine LXC stepped on when questioning their living arrangement. It's valid, because he was told he wouldn't have to perform those duties so obviously he'd have reservations to being lead to his husbands chambers, but damn it, he stepped on a touchy nerve. And oh! I love how hard JC is trying to not offend LXC. His situation is reasonable, it's only practical not to waste money on suits that are expected to remain empty, he has nothing to be ashamed of. But he loses face not having the money, and he values LXC so much, it matters to him so much that LXC be at ease at Lotus Pier, that he wants to make it better somehow. YZY was caged in a marriage to a man that never spoke up for her, JC wants to, at all cost, do the opposite for LXC. He wants to defend LXC and give him all the freedom possible, including his own space, even if it means giving him JYL's rooms when she marries (which would undoubtedly be painful for him, since he'd most definitely want to keep them for her).

I love that, in response to JC'd willingness to part with something precious for the sake of LXC's comfort, he sincerely says he wishes to remain by JC's side. It is so cute of him! I love his blushing ears! Of course JC melts at LXC's nervousness, the crack in his facade of the perfect jade. I'm so glad JC is finally taking LXC out of the pedestal of idolatry, and doing so to find the real human underneath no less, but rather more compelling. I'm sure I've mentioned my worries about how thinking someone is perfect can go horribly wrong, this scene is so reassuring regarding those.

Then we're back to the awkwardness. I love these two cuties, they are almost unmade just dressing. Domesticity is definitely going to kill them. JC is already crushing so bad, and between that and his "I must not be a creep" about said crush (I'm laughing so much at him, he's a good boy who drinks his "respect omegas" juice)… It's going to be awesome.

What is not awesome is JC's thoughts about himself. It never doesn't pain me when he's so critical of himself, when he sees LXC marrying him as settling for less than he deserves ("the lackluster quality of the man he’d bound his life to"). I hate this because, even when he means to be critical of only himself, he's insulting everyone else too: LXC who still chose to marry him, WWX and JYL who still stand behind him, his disciples who still chose to follow him. It's really condescending of him to think so little of himself when he's the person everyone else place their trust into! Hum!

Oh! JC finally recognizes his longing for LXC. It saddens me that this is when he acknowledges how much not even getting the chance at love hurts him. Once again I'm mad at him thinking so little of himself, as if under any other circumstance LXC really would never have even considered him, and yet I have to acknowledge that JC would need a spouse who would marry into the Jiang, which sect leader Lan would not have realistically been able to do. *sigh* It still pains me that he needs to force down and away his own feelings. I said something once about LXC deserving to have his negative emotions heard, I say the same about JC's tender feelings.

JC… My dear baby, you're not the same as other alphas. Desire is one thing, but what matters is the fact that you care for LXC's happiness above it, even as out of your depth as you feel about how to give it to him. *pats JC's head* Aw! I love how JC straightens himself as soon as LXC has a request for him. His love language clearly is acts of service, he feels good being able to do something for his important people. Even as embarrassing as wearing a symbol of their marriage (and the affection it implies) is for someone so emotionally closed as JC, he still would not consider not wearing it. I smile at how he doesn't recognize the reason the ribbon affects him more than the wedding is that a single ceremony and banquet could be anything, and it was greatly understood as a political move, but this is without a doubt a romantic gesture. It's not a universal tradition, so the fact that he's willing to participate in it means something, and everyone will be able to see it. Still, pushing past his own comfort to show LXC that his customs matter to him is so sweet! The ribbon, the fact that LXC will never get another one, means so much, and he's being so open telling JC all this and still continuing to follow the tradition with all the romantic meaning out in the air. *squeal* Of course he's delighted that JC would accept his ribbon, would protect it, would thank him for sharing it with him! God, JC really is so smooth at the most unexpected moments and poor LXC is never ready for it.

Oh, next scene is LXC's POV! I love the fact that he almost didn't mention the ribbon tradition! The insecurity and fear make so much sense. Of course he was afraid that it would be brushed off, or taken as if he wasn't leaving behind the Lan despite having already taken his vows to belong to the Jiang, which is why besides the gratitude and happiness I'd already recognized, there's the relief he mentions. *bunny cuddles for the big buff bunny that is LXC* I'm so glad he could find something a sense of security and home right after marrying. And I love him for trying to give it back when he notices JC's tension when trying to bring up whatever he came up with to match the ribbon.

Even after the ribbon, they are so cute in how careful they are about touching! Oh! And I love the fact that JC says they have enough of apologizing. This LXC definitely is the kind to say "I'm sorry" for literally anything, I'm delighted at JC being the one who guides him to break the habit. Holly fucking shit! I didn't expect that! And yet it makes all the sense! He's giving him Zidian, holly cow! Zidian has so much meaning, it's a legacy, and JC is giving it to LXC! I'm— *screeches* *stops* *breathes slowly* I need a new paragraph.

Okay, here we go. First, because later I won't have the place to mention it (I tried, didn't find a good place to do it): I see the whole thing about JC having spiritual power still, enough to transfer Zidian's mastery at least, and I want to scream because what does that mean? Does JC have the capacity to recover his golden core somehow? Is it a byproduct of Zidian's ownership and he won't be able to access to it again now that LXC is the new master? Would dual cultivation help JC in gaining more spiritual power? WHERE DOES THIS DETAIL INTEND TO TAKE US?! IS IT ABOUT JC OR ZIDIAN? ABOUT THE PAST OR THE FUTURE? DOES JC EVEN KNOW?! *crazed bunny makes conspiracy theory board about this*

*breathes again* Right, there's that, but I won't go anywhere asking those questions, so let's continue with everything else this "little" moment says. JC giving Zidian to LXC makes him family in ways that go beyond their marriage. It's how JL is Jin yet JC still made sure to be his guardian and made him able to use Zidian because he's family despite to what sect he owes himself to. Here, LXC still observes Lan traditions, but he's now Jiang, the same way YZY was Madam Yu, but still the mistress of Lotus Pier. And speaking of YZY! She was an omega! A fierce omega that chaffed against her gender's restrictions! Who was powerful and intimidating and disliked for it, yet never changed! She had a personal title, something her husband didn't, and she never stopped being the Purple Spider. And LXC now will carry her weapon, her legacy. If that's not a symbol of LXC following her path, leaving behind the restraints he'd been shackled by while under the thumbs of the Lan elders, and moving on to be as openly himself (such a Jiang thing!) as YZY was, intentionally becoming just as much an image of his married sect's power as she was, I don't know what a symbol is.

All that and I haven't even touched how much it means to JC. Zidian is his mother's legacy in every way: power, protection, pride, family. He's giving away the (incredibly loaded) last reminder he has of her! Because he can no longer wield it. It's a horrible situation for him to be, and it's a heartbreaking choice for him to make, and still he's sure of doing it, even as he grieves. She gave it to him to protect him when she could no longer do it. YZY mean to arm him so he could be his own guardian, but he gave away that chance because of his love to WWX. WWX who she resented. There's the pain of the loss and the pain of the why, the knowledge that she would never have approved of what he did and how losing Zidian is the physical evidence of her rejection of his greatest act of love. And yet, now JC is handing Zidian to the man he's asking to protect him in her stead. Physically, because JC can no longer be on par with any cultivator with a golden core when it comes to fighting. Politically, as that's the very nature of their marriage, bringing the backing of the Lan to the Jiang sect's reconstruction. Emotionally, since JC being coreless has to deal with a particular sort of ableism that's hard to argue against when JC himself believes much of it and which therefor LXC will have to shield him from. JC, always his mother's son, a matter of pride and pain for both of them, is handing so much of his own identity with this move. With it, he's trusting LXC by choosing to move from family protector (as is his place as sect leader) to the one being protected (by LXC). (As an aside: I half wonder if WWX will have something to say about LXC taking that place, considering WWX sees himself as JC's protector —see golden core issue—, except that JC is the one that disagrees with WWX on that.)

This decision is so incredibly meaningful, I'm not surprised that LXC almost feels like protesting it, and yet he's right in thinking that would be a slap in the face to the multiple gestures JC is doing with his single gift (or is it multiple gifts in a single gesture?). It's, among everything else I've already said, a most pointed acknowledgement of JC's lack of golden core. Still, JC and Zidian herself agree to this. I love that! It proves that, as little time as JC spent as her master before loosing his core, without him even getting the chance to use Zidian before it happens, the weapon is united with JC in her understanding of LXC's character, his worthiness of taking the baton as the family's (physical) protector, and will help him fulfill that role. The whole concept of weapons having unique spirits, especially Zidian, and how a cultivator can feel them, it's amazing. I love it, more so with how LXC points out that it means the special connection with Zidian (and Sandu) is another thing that JC lost, another way that he's lonely, separated from everyone (and now everything) else by his unique disability. The understanding is humbling enough for LXC to apologize, but it really is something that words cannot make better, so JC just entrusts him with taking care of Zidian and I think there's some disability motive there, but I'm not sure what exactly it says.

Then there's what to do after accepting this gift and I love that LXC's first choice is to ask JC to teach him how to wield Zidian, it's sort of him asking JC how to be his family. The answer, appropriately, answers both questions: just feel it. "Zidian listens to the heart" is absolutely beautiful both in the sense that empathic weapons are awesome and because all I said about what Zidian represents, how she's a weapon that protects, so of course she needs to be wielded by someone who at heart wants to protect. (One can notice that even when using it on WWX, YZY wanted to protect her own marriage and children. The attack is misplaced, the purpose is honest.) I'm so glad for JC that LXC is appropriately reverent of Zidian and all she entails, otherwise it would have hurt him deeply, but then it wouldn't be LXC, the man JC could trust enough to marry.

Moving on from the heavy loaded symbolism, we're back to these two cuties being awkward. *gigles* I'm never tiring of it. Oh! They fumble through it and it's adorable, but also still really erotic, which… *bunny blushes* ໒꒰ྀི ๑>///<๑ ꒱ྀིა (I had been so interested in the sociopolitics that I forgot the smut tags were there. I'll readjust my expectations.) Ahem. So, the biting was sexy, but the best part for me is how JC apologizes for licking. I love how hard he tries to not pressure LXC, even when he's yanked around by literal instinct. The second-best part is JC asking why people don't complain about the biting. Yes JC, it's a mystery (/s). sdasd My man is so ace-spec. Probably grey-ace since there's both WQ and LXC, but he's not allo and it shows. What he is, is adorable, stammering and running away after LXC's illuminating answer. Poor LXC, abandoned by his husband on his wedding night.

Oh, okay, time for LXC's introspection. Cool. I hurt because LXC feels sad and alone, but in a way I also love that he feels JC's absence. He's moved out of the life he knew because JC made him an offer, his husband is all he really has in this new home at this time, of course he worries when the two of them are so awkward with each other. What kind of home can they make if they are both so uneasy with each other? Rationality has no place for the emptiness his heart feels. The distance between the two of them even after JC finally joins him in bed is natural between two people who never got to get close in the first place, yet no less hurtful for it. In a way, it's the same as the scene when they're changing and JC wishes their marriage wasn't like it is. There's less emphasis in the physical attraction, but the longing is the same. The way LXC forces himself to be satisfied with what was given already is exactly the same as JC pushing his own emotions and desires aside as meaningless. These two are so used to compromising for the sake of something bigger, learning to choose what they want is going to be a journey for both of them. (On an unrelated note: the image of LXC first looking at JC's back, as faraway as it can be while in the same bed, and then turning around to suppress his longing is just beautiful.)

Time for the next scene. Oh! *giggles* I love "we slept at our own sides of the bed, but woke up facing each other in the middle" scenarios (not bonus tangled limbs, but still counts!). I know I say it over and over again, but it's just that I'm never not touched by JC's awareness of the social power he has over LXC. He wishes to be tender, but he's all too aware how that can be misconstrued, how even good intentions can hurt, and so he restrains himself. I'm almost positive that's going to be a whole thing between them: LXC hoping JC would get closer, JC wanting to, and yet nothing happening because JC is afraid his affection will hurt rather than heal. JC is going to need invitation, but LXC will fear asking in case it's mistaken as a demand for something that was never promised. Ah~ The woes and pleasures of arranged marriages. Then there's the classic JC running away from his feelings (half of me giggles, half of me cringes at the licking thing, because it's funny to read, but JC's fear of taking advantage of LXC is very real, and yeah, that was a sexual-coded act that he had not asked permission to do, it could have actually bothered LXC) by burying them under a mountain of work. At least he's honest about his coping mechanism?

The wedding night (and morning after) is over. I sigh at XiCheng still being awkward and keeping distance, but also am so happy LXC can find himself welcomed at his new home despite it. I love that LXC can see how the lack of strict structure doesn't mean less work, but willingness to take the tasks as they come. The Jiang are the adapting river to the Lan's unmoving mountain after all, it's good he's starting to learn to go with the flow. Ah! I LOVE that LXC attributes the effectiveness to JC, the effort he puts into being a good leader, the devotion he inspires and the fact that his disciples know when he's pleased with them, even if he's not expressing it in honeyed words. I'm so happy at LXC falling a little more in love over that, it means he recognizes the sign of JC's love (for his sect) and values it.

OH! I ADORE that LXC notices that JC is doing too much and worries. JC is not alone here, he has WWX (I love that this WWX is still in tune with JC! he knows how not to upstage him! he can and will give effective support! the wonders not having to constantly lie to his brother does to their teamwork!) and JYL (best girl always forever, her managing of Lotus Pier's servants and guests really makes obvious that she's been trained to be mistress of a great sect from the cradle), he has LXC himself (I love him doing manual labor! of course the Jiang, with their experience at money and manpower shortage, couldn't care less for his gender as long as he's working! I am surprised at him doing the accounting, though, I think that's something JC would be quite annoying about doing himself, he's a micromanager), and yet he's still pushing himself too hard. I love how LXC can see it, how he stops and watches JC, enough to notice exactly when he's gone too far during training.

Then comes their real first obstacle: LXC reaches out in concern and JC bristles defensively. His need to pretend he's not incapable of doing things his disabled body physically cannot do without hurting itself is… a problem. I get it, he has a point about needing to keep appearances for his disciples, but it does not help that he pushes his insecurities into LXC's mouth. As is often the case, JC is using his words as a barbed shield that both defends from and attacks against those that come close enough to harm him. Except that LXC bears him not ill will and all this will do his make him doubt trying to offer comfort again. *sigh* Walking away is also not a good choice. *double sigh* LXC was being so sweet, wanting to care for JC as a husband should. Bad JC. *bonk him in the head*

Oh, JC feels bad about his words? Good! He should! He has his reasons, of course he does, so did his mother. They did not change what she did or how it affected every member of her family, it won't be any different with him. Still, the real problem is confronting his internalized ableism. I love the complexity of his feelings regarding the circumstances, though. The point he makes about how he's glad and yet upset at WWX and LXC painstakingly not outshining him is delicious. I love it because WWX outshining JC has always been a problem that JC has had to deal with, he's always been jealous yet proud of WWX, and WWX never made himself less for JC. Until now. And for once WWX is doing the political thing! And it pains JC. It hurts him because he loves WWX, he wants WWX to be free to be his most amazing self, he hates being WWX's shackle. And the same goes for LXC! Having people he looks up to restrain themselves for him offends him, what's the worth of looking better when one isn't the better? JC is a jealous person, but only the kind that wishes he himself had something, not the kind that wants to take the thing out of the other person's hand (he wanted his father to hold him more often! never did he say he wanted JFM to hold WWX less!). And yet, despite all this, he acknowledges his insecurities are so great that he really would react that badly if they did not act as carefully as they do. Ah, the wonders of childhood trauma he's not yet ready to tackle.

Back to LXC, now ft JYL! Yay! I'd been looking forward to a scene with these two since the beginning! Of course JYL does the "how are you settling" thing, but with her it's not just politeness, she's very much a family person, so the questions are also genuine, as is her invitation for informality and every tibbit about herself and JC he offers. I cringe at how he quickly moves from feeling welcomed, to worried about her motives, to sympathizing with her pain. Even when wanting to be comfortable with his new family, he's so ready to be criticized. And yet he reaches for JYL regardless. Boy is starved for more relationships, especially given the distance between him and JC. JYL is a good choice for that. He's not ready to bare himself to her wholly, but let's build this relationship block by block. Starting by talking about his feelings about Lotus Pier. They take a detour after that, but when they come back, I love how JYL takes such pride in her sect's treatment of omegas thanks to her family, as well as pride in her brother for being capable of inspiring the disciples' loyalty. Her love for JC is so sweet, I love family devotion and the way she approves of LXC's acknowledgement of JC's value regardless of his core.

And then we get to the touchy subjects! First, humorously: I cackled at LXC's nervousness when JYL asked about how XiCheng are getting along as a married couple. I wish I could say he was imagining her sly expression, but as much of a proper lady as she is, she's also a Jiang (aka at least 50% gremlin), so he may very well have not (one day it will most definitively not be his imagination and I'll cackle again at him actually having to go through such conversation). Regardless, LXC's mind went to the gutter, which is all that matters, really. Then, more seriously: Despite LXC's first thoughts, he gives her a very honest emotional answer. Like I said before, he's starved for company, for someone he can be open to, and JYL did place herself right there for him to lean on, so it's only natural for him to share with her. Despite his immediate fear of having said too much or sounding inappropriate, him talking is a good thing, because it pertains JC and few know him as well as JYL.

You did mention how JYL would have her place as XiCheng's guide around marriage, here she's doing just that. I love all the points she emphasizes: 1. JC being BIG on responsibility has always been there, but it has gotten worse with his disability, so it's a significant factor. 2. It's not just LXC, he distances himself from WWX and JYL too, so he shouldn't think that he's singling him out. 3. JC still cares. Each of those things is important for LXC to figure out the complexity of who JC is and understand both how he works and how to work with him. It makes me a little sad that despite JYL being so clear, LXC is still reluctant to accept how much he means for JC. But then, it's not like JC himself is helping his case. At least I can find the humor on LXC sucking at sounding reassuring while stating that he's okay with his and JC's marriage being and staying nothing but convenience.

After that, I love that JYL plainly states that she hopes LXC would be good for JC. For the sake of bringing him around, of having him join her cause of looking after her brother, JYL makes a point of talking about how much JC loves and why he's so reluctant at accepting love back. I love that she explicitly tells LXC not think JC's suffering as merely the product of the torture (horrible in a generic sort of way, hard for anyone), because that itself is not what haunts JC, it's how it interacts with every other trauma he carries what matters. Talking about her parents and admitting the things they did wrong is socially inappropriate, and yet she's willing to spell it out to ensure JC's husband understands him, got to love that of her. Her dedication to give JC the love he deserves, both by herself and by asking LXC to do it too, is heartening. I love familial devotion.

Of course, LXC can feel for JC, and for how JYL wants to help him, but for all of JYL's trust in them, his and JC's relationship is still very underdeveloped, they are not going anywhere near her goals anytime close. He's reluctant to try and unsure of how he can help, but even without touching on the potential for romance, I say that just having one more person supporting him unconditionally would mean the world to JC and that's something I think LXC should be able to figure out, what with how much of a difference JC's support meant to himself compared to LQR and LWJ. Regardless, I am not surprised that LXC continues lingering on JC's rejection, though I am happy that he's perceptive enough to notice JC's attempt at softening the blow, as much as turning to cold politeness can be called softer. What is, if not exactly soft, definitely open, is the memory of their wedding night, I'm glad that it can serve as an anchor for LXC to still reach for JC despite his blunder! I think that this can set a precedent for Zidian being their link. The transfer being a memory they can go back to again and again, a promise, in a way, to continue giving and trusting as much as they did that night (both for Zidian and the ribbon). (Speaking of Zidian, I wonder, does LXC wear it openly or hides it under his sleeves? I have questions about what people think about it, both at Lotus Pier and eventually outside. I especially wonder about WWX, since I think JYL would accept it more easily and WWX still has the whole "I would have cut myself open to give you back the power to wield Zidian yourself" going on for him, along with "that's the very same whip that I've felt lashing on my back at the hands of your mother", which is, of course, complicated.)

Oh! I almost forgot, I skipped on it to have the emotional core of the JYL-LXC conversation all together, but I absolutely loved the part when they talk about omegas! I knew there would be interesting bits to come from this, and it totally delivered! The contrast to their perspectives is so fascinating! JYL having her sight placed on the generations to come is wonderful! LXC's thoughts about gender have always been a little self-centered, being an omega is a matter that affects him, the structural issues are significant in how they relate to him. He's passed as an alpha for a long time, and while I don't think I'd call that privilege exactly, it certainly means he hasn't had the same kind of first-hand experience with several omega problems so much as an absolute understanding of several things that could be (and eventually were) taken away from him because of his gender. Meanwhile, JYL has always lived under the lights and restrictions of her gender in a more traditional way, the things that mattered enough for LXC to fear losing are things that she never had and could only hope to gain. Considering so, of course LXC sees the backlash to him being found as an omega, the revelation personally took him away from his position of power. On the other hand, what JYL sees is the bigger picture, how the future, when no one who felt personally lied to remains, people will be forced to admit how capable he was, that being an omega didn't stop him from achieving feats of glory, didn't keep him from becoming ZWJ, regardless of what society did to him after. I'm glad that as painful as the experience was, with JYL's reassurance of the meaning it will eventually have, he can endure the consequences more easily.

OMG, I'm finally done! Days after I started and an absolute incoherent mess towards the end, but this review is finished! It didn't fit in my note app (x2), but the length is brimming with love! Now that it's over, I can go tackle what remains of our last conversation and then finally close this ask. Regarding the last ask I send, about the gender demographics: hehe, sorry for the question you had not thought about before. I get excited over world building/politics, but it's totally okay that your focus is elsewhere, it's a shipping fic after all! Thanks for considering it enough to reply to me! Also, ahdhahs congratulations on getting new readers via overenthusiastic bunny rambling, I think that's achievement unlocked for both of us! (Also, a medal to whoever read a 2.5k review + your answer without even reading the fic first. Curiosity is a good thing!)

And that's it! Bunny is done! No more writing or editing this ask, or I'll never send it! Sending lots of love, bunny cuddles and carrot cake for you to eat after finishing reading this monster! Bye-bye! 🐰💛

*looks at length of the comment* Yes. Yeeeesssssss. *cracks knuckles*

Yeah…. I love WWX as a character, but I don’t think I’d like him as much if I knew him in real life. I’ve known people whose favored humor style was fairly sarcastic and/or biting, and yeah, it doesn’t sit well with me either, nor does excessive silliness (not because I don’t like people to have fun, but because I’m an introvert and lord have mercy but highly extroverted people like WWX are exhausting in large doses, lol). But yeah, I love JYL in all forms, and you’re correct that her referring to JC there as their sect leader rather than brother was deliberate.

Your assessment of the entirety of JYL and JC’s conversation about his choice to marry LXC is beautiful. JYL is masterful at taking great care with her words and approach to ensure exactly what she means comes across. And, importantly, in a way that doesn’t make it seem like it’s a frustration or chore to, like, care about how her words and attitude will impact another person, you know? While I can’t say that it’ll be spelled out in the text, I can say that LXC, who is by no means bad at talking to people, will definitely be taking notes as he studies her, especially as he learns how to most effectively communicate with his new husband. Wonderful notes pointing out the parallels between JC’s and LXC’s answers too! I feel like that just points even more to how good a match they really are for one another.

lol. You’re the second person thrown off by the CQL mention. I always tag both “The Untamed” and “MDZS” as the fandoms for every story I write because I figure both are relevant, but I rarely leave notes beyond that. But yeah, I’ve watched the live action drama several times through, watched the donghua once, and have read part of the book but not all (though I’ve read several posts talking about the various differences). I do not really ship ChengQing, lol, though I rarely ship het pairs (a whole long-ass discourse I could go into about why I rarely enjoy het romance compared with queer romance, primarily m/m). I think they’re cute, and I think they could make for an interesting pair in a fic where they married for political reasons, but as far as general attraction, the vibe I get is more that JC is having his first crush, and who knows how serious it really is, and WQ isn’t really all that interested in return, though how much is a lack of interest and how much is her just being too overwhelmed with all WRH’s bullshit is up for debate.

I dunno. JYL asking about WQ now might be a bit of a low blow, but I do also understand the big sister instinct to ask about it since she knows that JC crushed on her, even if she doesn’t have any way of knowing how deep that affection may have gone. I could see her trying to come up with some way for him to be with WQ if she knew he really wanted that; lord knows she would sacrifice her chance to marry JZX if she knew it could give JC what he wants (all three of them are self-sacrificing to a fault, after all). As far as the “part of his trauma,” she never knew about that canonically, and whether she knows about it here in this fic is yet to be seen. But yeah, I agree that it makes sense to be leery of marrying someone who you know was willing to alter your body without your consent.

So fun fact, JC’s sudden and/or accidental realization about how much he trusts LXC was also shared by me, lol. It was in writing out that scene that it occurred to me too. But yeah, out of pretty much anyone, LXC is one of few people who has never given JC any reason to mistrust him. Granted, partially because so far they aren’t that close, but still, for someone like JC, that means a whole lot. Really the only other person who fits that category is his sister, which is off-limits here because I’m not writing that kind of story at the moment, lmao.

And yep, back to the self-sacrificing to an upsetting degree tendency of all three of the Yunmeng siblings. WWX’s is by far the loudest and most noticeable (partially because he’s the main character of the canon), but JYL quietly gives up a lot for her brothers and family up until the opportunity to marry JZX finally truly presents itself, and JC’s sacrifices tend to get lost in secrecy or clouded by the prideful temper he displays at all times as a defense mechanism.

Yeah, the omega commentary here is very parallel to issues of feminism and femininity in the real world. Not being “woman” enough, whatever that might mean, gets negative reception, but playing by the rules keeps you stuck and all the further away from any progressive change you might like. Oh, and on your comment about wondering what JYL is expecting for when she marries JZX, I will say that one reason for her putting off marrying him (in addition to staying beside JC to be the support he needs) that I didn’t explicitly comment on is that she’s waiting for proof that he is a good enough man and strong enough man to protect her from anything his father might do to her. I won’t be dwelling on it much at all since they’re not the focus of the story, but that’s what’s running in my head; similar to how I feel like, canonically, given all that we know about how disgusting JGS is, I’ve no doubt that JYL most likely needed a watchful eye from both her husband and her mother-in-law to ensure that JGS didn’t try to prey on her too.

Yeah, we don’t really see any uttered “I love you’s” in canon, but I don’t doubt for a moment that they would come easy between JYL and JC. She would know how much he needed to hear them, and JC, who loves so much and, as you’ve addressed, has so few opportunities to really express or share that, would be beside himself to always vocalize it to the one person for whom it would always be welcomed, cherished, and believed. For him and WWX, the two of them definitely do love one another fiercely, but there’s a whole lot there that makes it difficult to share, not the least WWX’s very precarious and uncomfortable position as the foundling ward caught between all the family’s drama as well as JC’s inability to really see how that affects him (not that I blame him, because he’s also just a kid, so how could he even be expected to recognize something so nuanced?). Regarding how JC found out and how things drastically shifted course, that’ll come up in more detail in a later chapter.

Yeah, it’s only natural that JC would consider his marriage in comparison to the only solid example he has. But, he at least is capable enough of learning from others’ mistakes, so witnessing all that drama at least comes as a benefit in the big ol’ warning it is to not do literally any of that, lol. And yass, I’m glad you appreciate JC’s safe space too. It definitely will make more appearances.

I definitely wanted there to be significance to the synchronicity in their bows. Partially as a tell that they well and truly are soulmates. But yeah, another reason to focus on only one thing from the wedding is because of saving space and also because I really don’t know anything about Chinese wedding ceremonies, traditional or otherwise, and I didn’t want to devote the time to researching it just for my written-for-fun-despite-how-exhausted-I-always-am fanfic. 🙃

I honestly didn’t give a lot of thought to what made those specific Jiang disciples prominent; unless my plans change, right now I don’t have any intention to focus on any of them because narratively there’s no need to, and I tend to shy away from introducing OCs for anything more than the smallest side roles that I need them for. I like your idea of them being some of the first to join JC despite everything that happened to him and his sect. It could also be people who very noticeably threw themselves into their training or the restoration of Lotus Pier more than anyone else. Solid heads for strategy, good leadership skills, unique prowess on the few night hunts they’ve tried; who knows. But yeah, something about them is standout in particular.

lolol. For NMJ, we’ll just say he’s having some feelings and didn’t feel like he could go. Lord knows the man doesn’t really know how to keep the calmest or most level-headed approach when he’s all riled up with emotions. *tries to calm angry bunny with snackies* But yeah, as much of a goober as he present himself as, NHS is pretty savvy regarding social norms and appearances and all that; he knew better than to go alone (and besides, can you really imagine someone like him traveling without a few buddies along?).

The Jins had so many people because that’s how they do. Just like JZX traveling to Cloud Recesses early on in the canon with a big ol’ group of people, most of whom wouldn’t be studying, because they’re big ol’ fancy pants people who just gotta flaunt their wealth, status, and numbers. Not to mention, for JZX, it’s an excuse to see JYL and for JGY, it’s an excuse to see LXC. JGS is just a hateful jerk who lives for drama and to look for any way to be socially acceptably rude…not expecting a done-with-this-shit NHS to “accidentally” stumble to the rescue. 🤣 Kid’s a hero, and I stand by that.

You’re exactly right about the names and titles! I’m using all of those, especially names, very intentionally in this story (and each time I talk about that with a reader, my anxiety for editing the chapters goes up 10-fold because of course now that I’ve got people’s attention on that, I just know I’m going to fuck up and use the wrong name somewhere 😭). But YES! The use of a title in certain circumstances can force a reminder of respect when needed, just as use of birth name can either be a dick move or a sweet indication of intimate closeness.

I love NHS. He’s not my favorite character, because that’s JC (followed by LXC by virtue of shipping him so hard with JC), but he’s, like, my sneaky almost favorite that I don’t think about much but always shows up in my fics being awesome because he’s just great and I think he’s fun. Back to JGS’s motivation to come, I will say, if he wasn’t so much of a douchebag and if the scenario were slightly different, he definitely wouldn’t have bothered to come to what is, as he would dismissively say, such a low-stakes wedding. But he smells the opportunity to publicly humiliate people that he already disdains, so there he goes; plus, he’s still irritated that JC found a way around having to kowtow to him and marry JYL to him, thus giving up his sect to the Jin’s control.

Yeah, JGY definitely knows what he’s doing by pulling LXC aside alone with him, even if LXC clearly doesn’t. But it’s so easy to get away with too! This society expects everyone to be polite, including being polite about social missteps (to a degree and depending on who all is involved, of course). But yeah, because of that, JGY can get away with what could be considered a move in poor taste, especially given his beta status, his status as LXC’s friend, and his status as a person of “lower” birth who could play the card of not knowing better or the “I’m not really a threat anyway so you have to forgive me” card. Regarding what he’s saying to LXC, you are correct that JGY doesn’t have to try very hard with anything he says, whether true or not. There’s a user here on Tumblr named nuexue who did an episode-by-episode analysis of almost all of the Untamed drama episodes that was phenomenally insightful and engaging (seriously, I think you’d really dig it since you are so analytical with your assessment of even my stories), and she points out how understandable in the source material it is that LXC doesn’t see any hints of what JGY is up to, partially because he’s his friend so he doesn’t want to see any bad in him and partially because, very likely, JGY probably avoided being deceitful with LXC as much as possibly purely because LXC was so accepting of him. As for what JGY did here in this story and any motivation he may or may not have had? Only time will tell.

The awkwardness between JC and LXC was absolutely delicious to write. The tentative beginnings to a relationship are so endearing and fraught with moments you can’t help but sympathize even as you also cringe. You are right that both are going to struggle with figuring out all this “close but not too close” stuff, lol. Especially poor JC. Poor boy just wants so badly to be good.

Also, very good assessment that JC putting himself down internally is, in fact, an insult to everyone who cares about him. Just as a character so quick to be willing to throw their own life away is a direct disregard of the love or care anyone around them has for them. (There’s an anime/manga/something I’ve seen where learning this is a pivotal moment for a character, and I cannot for the life of me remember what it was or who the character was, and it’s going to drive me crazy.) But, given all that’s happened to him and treatment from his parents as well as publicly-known opinion about him, I also can’t really blame him for having such low self-esteem. He and LXC both experience this, albeit for separate reasons, but it will eventually be something that helps bring them closer together.

I LOVE your enthusiasm for everything revolving around LXC giving his ribbon to JC. Because yes, it is so very significant for so many reasons. LXC definitely wasn’t originally planning to disclose all those details, but JC’s presence, the fact that LXC well and truly does trust him so much already and his oath at how their relationship will be, that the words came easy for him after all. And then behind all that, awkward careful touching, haha! Once again, back to JC oh so desperately not wanting to be a creeper, lol.

Regarding your question about JC having a smidgen of spiritual power to briefly activate Zidian…I’ll just leave you to that conspiracy board for now, lol. There definitely will be more going on with this later, but I can’t say anything without revealing spoilers. You are correct that it is significant any not just a one-off thing. But back to the transfer itself, yes! JC giving up Zidian to LXC is so significant!

(Also, I really gotta say, as someone who’s focus both when writing and also when consuming content is always focused particularly on the emotion or feeling of a thing or moment rather than specific logical or analytical approaches, I am absolutely delighted to read your assessments of what I’ve written. The imposter syndrome wielding bitch in my mind tries to convince me that you’re giving me too much credit, but really, I think a lot of what you’ve laid out here is very intuitive to me as I write, but not in a way that I could ever articulate it so well as you do. So thank you for sharing all these beautiful thoughts and analyses with me! 💜)

It's very interesting that you’re commenting specifically on part of JC’s decision to hand Zidian over to LXC being specifically because he’s looking to LXC for protection. Because he absolutely is in a position now where he needs that from LXC, but he’s not consciously acknowledging that at all yet. Right now, all he’s focused on is just political shit, the fact that he needs LXC’s and his sect’s support to keep his sect afloat as well as the fact that his status as a sect leader can provide LXC with the social protection that he needs. The other side of things…definitely hasn’t set in just yet. I also love that you focused on the ableism too and on how JC needs to be protected from that, including from his own self. That is a fairly significant focus in this story, JC’s process coming to terms with the changes in his life and LXC learning the best ways to help his husband with such a burden. (Note: I haven’t commented on each aspect you commented on here, not because I don’t care of disagree, but because most of it is so thorough and spot-on that there’s nothing left for me to do but flail and squee excitedly, lol, so my apologies for just breezing through much of that, but my hat off to you once more!)

The concept of the spirits having their unique spirits has intrigued me so much since getting involved in this fandom. I’ve seen it range significantly across fics from being barely touched on at all to one I read very early on in my journey into this fandom where WWX’s soul had gotten sealed along with Suibian after his death and they could talk to one another (which was such a cool concept). Also, I know that per the book, the final confrontation is NMJ’s corpse coming after JGY in Guanyin Temple, but I really like the idea of it being Baxia in the live action drama, both in seeking vengeance for it’s wielder, but also in how it kills SS after NHS fakes being attacked by him, implying a loyalty of the sword spirit to NMJ that even it would also feel the drive to protect his little brother. It also reminds me just a bit of the manga/anime Noragami, where the Shinto gods use the spirits of dead people as their regalia (typically weapons and armor) and the relationships they establish with them. All that to say, that’s partially why I leaned on it a bit more here, as well as to twist the knife regarding what more JC lost with his core. But yes, the revelation/consideration of that from LXC does lend him an even greater amount of sympathy than he already had.

Heh. I had to chuckle so much that you’d forgotten that this fic is rated E. It’s very slow burn for the *ahem* truly explicit scenes, but yeah, even the exchanging of the mating bites is an intensely intimate moment, especially for two people who’ve barely had the chance to connect in much of any way. I also LOVE your comment about JC being ace coded! I, like many others, think it’s very easy to read him canonically as ace coded for a number of reasons, and I’ve written him as heavily ace in a couple of my fics. Here, I didn’t approach it necessarily with that mindset, but there are still arguably some remnants of that. But yeah, I am on both the ace and aro spectrums, so that’s yet another reason I’m so very endeared to JC, because the potential ace-ness is another way that I feel connected to him. Also, random aside, but it’s also interesting that you mention his crush on WQ here, because there is another way we can interpret that crush to support the “JC is ace” theory, which is that it’s him choosing a socially appropriate person to have a crush on like he’s supposed to, but one he knows is out of his league, so there’s no risk of it coming to fruition; that is something that some ace/aro people do when growing up to avoid having to have awkward conversations before they’re ready about not having crushes and all that. But yeah, JC idly asking about why the bites are a thing is partially inspired by me, lol. While I do have the ability to understand, enjoy, and get invested in romance/sex in a fantasy setting, both of them truly stymie me in real life, and I’ve had so many moments of questioning things, only to get askance looks from my allo companions, lol.

Ah yes, the longing. There will be so much of that, lol. But yeah, it is only natural to want closeness with a spouse, regardless of the situation, or maybe even because of it. And the physical representation of that internal distance that he’s feeling just makes it all the harder. Thank goodness their subconsciouses will instinctively fight that all the way! 😁 I just had to have them quite close in the morning, and they’ll only be getting closer the longer they’re together. It is an inevitability! Even if it’ll be slow, like JC’s overwhelming urge to be as hands-off as possible with LXC in order to protect him. (You are so so correct that this will be a continued issue between them: you’ve got one who’s sworn up and down to be respectful, and you’ve got the other interpreting that as a lack of interest and so something that can’t be asked for.)

I had to laugh at your comment about JC being a micromanager and your surprise that he’d let LXC do the accounting. Honestly, I can see that assessment of him a bit, but I do also think, depending on the other individual’s experience or level of importance (and truly, is anyone more splendid than LXC?), I think JC would be able to make the smart decision to delegate as needed. And so that small tidbit was also inspired by myself, because numbers and math can go die in a fucking fire, haha! I am the kind of person who has had to call her mother in tears multiple times to beg for help figuring out why her damn checkbook won’t balance correctly. I was an English major, dammit! There’s a reason I didn’t choose math. 🤣 So yeah, I guess a little self-insert characterization there.

But yeah, LXC is truly invested not only in his new home but also his new husband. And he’s so experienced a cultivator as well! So of course he takes note of JC’s actions, and of course he notices how he’s struggling. There’s no way he ever wouldn’t have on either account. And, sadly, it must devolve into their first fight. As well as they fit together, there are several ways that they don’t yet—like JC’s temper compared with LXC’s temperance—and it will be a learning curve for both to navigate, both to learn how to understand one another better as well as how to take care of one another.

But of course JC immediately feels bad! He’s not a dick or a bad guy, and I will die on that hill. He’s an overwhelmed, very stressed-out young man who is probably scared out of his wits more than half of the time who has terribly stunted emotional intelligence, largely caused by his upbringing. Honestly, it’s not all that different from, speaking broadly, many men (particularly in American culture). There’s such a pervasive amount of pressure to be “manly” and all that, that men are conditioned to never express any emotion apart from anger. It’s sad and upsetting, and something that needs to change…and just maybe something that eventually will change for JC here.

Once again, another excellent point from you, that JC’s jealousy is only the type in that he wants better/more for himself but never ever less for others. He doesn’t want to take, but rather only to grow.

The conversation between LXC and JYL was another that I was super excited to get to because they’re really a couple of my favorites as far as how soft and gentle they can be. Like you said, LXC is still a skittish man right now who still frets about and expects to be found lacking: he’s heard it his whole adolescence and young-adulthood, after all! So who better than JYL to gently ease him into truly feeling a part of the family? I also like when JYL talks so proudly about JC. I think she would anyway, but I think you can also learn a lot about a person based on how other people who know them talk about them when they aren’t around to hear what they’re saying. (You can also learn a lot about the person speaking if they’re a two-faced jerk, lol, but that’s another story.)

Oh yes, the sly look absolutely was there. The moment JYL heard about the upcoming nuptials, she made it her mission to do everything she could to steer this ship into genuine romantic waters, lol. As you note, she’s laying all the groundwork by giving LXC the inside scoop of what his husband is like and why he is the way he is. But it makes sense that LXC hesitates to believe that he’s important. His low self-esteem is slightly warping JC’s “I won’t ever take advantage of you pledge” to actually be “I won’t do that and it’s at least in part because I don’t want to,” and the longer their distance lingers, the worse that fear will likely become.

I like that you point out that the wedding night is a solid example/reminder for LXC of the softness and care that is within JC because it was such an odd night compared to the “normal” wedding night experience, but it’s true! LXC, even if he’s worried that this marriage will flounder or that he won’t be able to do what JYL is pushing hard for him to do, is perceptive enough to understand that the JC he saw that night who accepted his ribbon, who gave up his spiritual weapon, who licked his neck and then awkwardly apologized for it (lol) is real. So too might be the grumpy “I’ll bite your head off if I so much as get a whiff of you feeling pity for me” Jiang Cheng, but the softness is there, so there’s hope to bring that out more.

Regarding Zidian, LXC wears it openly! Just as JC wears his ribbon openly. The disciples at Lotus Pier may have some thoughts about it, but they haven’t got the history with the weapon that the rest do, and their loyalty to JC is such that they’d never gossip about it anyway. No telling what people outside the sect will think when they see or if we’ll even delve into it. JYL appreciates it—both on LXC in the first place and LXC wearing it openly—for the sign of acceptance and trust from JC that it is. As for WWX…his feelings are a bit more complicated than that, but not to any extreme degree.

lolol. Funnily enough, it took you multiple days to write out all your thoughts here, and it took me two days to get this reply to you composed as well. 😆 Nothing wrong with having a lot to say about a passionate topic, though. Thanks a bunch for your continued excitement and enthusiasm! 💜

(To anyone who’s read through this and now wants to check out this fic I’m writing, here’s a link: https://href.li/?https://archiveofourown.org/works/48148945)

#asks #my asks #my fanfic #the untamed #xicheng #jiang cheng #lan xichen #yunmeng siblings #a/b/o #omegaverse #i will be your sword and shield and you will be mine

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