pairing: hoshina soushirou x gn!reader (no prns)
summary: in which he realizes you were the one for him
warnings: none i think !
wc: 1100
Hoshina wasn't a player. He wasn't one to say yes to everyone who came his way nor was he one to lightly pursue just about anyone who slightly interested him— not to mention he didn’t fall easily to begin with. He was a busy man in a dangerous line of work so having a relationship simply didn’t make sense most of the time.
However, this is not to say he hasn’t had a few relationships here and there. He loved those he dated, he really did. He did not believe in dating for the fun of it nor did he believe in starting a relationship he knew would end at some point, but subconsciously he tried not to get attached. He kept his distance and locked away his heart to keep from getting hurt. Was it unfair? Well yes, but he was scared. Everyone has something that terrifies them greatly, this just so happened to be Hoshina’s.
Yet, recently he could tell that something was different with you. It had only been a few months since you started dating, but he feared the shift in his feelings. He knew what it was— he knew very well, but as soon as he admitted it, it would be over. There’d be no going back for him. He knew he was being rather irrational, he knew that if he sat down and confronted these emotions he’d realize they weren’t that big of a deal, but he couldn’t. He’s never been able to.
However, while fighting this kaiju, it became plain obvious that he was simply in denial.
It upset him how important you were to him, but more than that it upset him that he knew he was important to you. You had made it so painfully clear that he meant the absolute world to you and that broke him to pieces every single time.
To him it was easy being alone— he just had to make sure his job was complete before he died. If he could ensure everyone’s safety or at least help Mina out, there was nothing more he wished for. Yet while fighting Kaiju no. 10 today, when he saw his life flash before his eyes, his immediate thought was of you. If he died you’d cry. And that alone was going to get him home alive.
He’d rather die than make you cry. Especially not alone.
As he stood up again, he could see his blood dripping from his wounds and immediately it made him chuckle. You’d cry anyways when you see the state he’s in.
I’ll have to be around to wipe your tears at least, he said to you in his head.
He was incredibly lucky that you didn’t work on the battlefield, his heart simply would not be able to take it. But he did, and for you he’d have to get home safe. Even if no one else cared that much, not even himself, he knew you would.
All of a sudden, it was easy to admit. He was hopelessly in love with you, in a way he didn't know he was capable of. He wished that he would spend the rest of his life with you and he hoped you would spend the rest of yours with him. Perhaps he was just afraid and a little flustered to admit that he was important to someone, especially someone special to him too. He had seen how painful it was for those left behind, a little too often.
But there was an easy solution to that, he’d just get back to you safe every time. He just won’t make you worry and he’ll be there for you. This was supposed to be a dilemma, something he thought he'd stress over, but in the moment he felt eerily relaxed, definitely not like he was fighting an identified grade kaiju. The rest of the fight was a blur, he couldn't remember much. His head was clear but the fatigue had taken over at that point, but before he knew it, the kaiju laid in front of him still.
He was faintly conscious as they rushed him into an ambulance and patched him up. Once he was properly treated and awake, they had warned him to stay put and take it easy, but all he wanted to do was see you.
As soon as he left his assigned room, he immediately bumped into you. You had been waiting to be let in to see him. You took one look at the way he was patched up and tears welled into your eyes. He could tell you didn't mean to, you didn't want to worry him.
“Please don't cry,” he said softly, wiping your tears away. He couldn't help but smile at the sight of you. “I'm perfectly fine.”
“I'm not crying,” you said with a scowl on your face, but the way your voice cracked was not very convincing. “I'm so glad you're back.”
“Can't live without me?” he teased. He knew you couldn't live without him, but he couldn't either. Yet, now he even hated the thought of you living without him, let alone with someone else, so here he was. And here he always will be.
“Shut up,” you said. “You know I can't.”
He knew, but hearing you say that still made his heart flutter. He reached out with his right hand to grab your left and held it carefully. He leaned in to kiss you, but it was so much sloppier than the careful ones he usually gave you. Forgive him, he was terribly exhausted.
“I can't either,” he said, snuggling his face into your shoulder.
“You can't?” you asked, a little surprised. It broke his heart that he had possibly made you feel such way.
“Not for a second,” he said, still avoiding eye contact. “I'd rather die than wake up without you next to me, actually.”
You wouldn’t reply, so he brought his head back up to look at you.
“Oh, don't cry,” he said and chuckled a little, wiping your tears away as he kissed you again. “I didn't mean to make you cry.”
He hadn't let go of your hand and although he was gentle, he held it firmly. He didn't say anything, but he vowed to himself that he'd put a ring on it someday. He wasn't letting go of you ever.
You were the one for him.
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One thing I wish I'd see more of among Ratio fans is some thought about how he views himself as a teacher.
Like yes, of course he refuses to compromise on the quality and rigor of the education he imparts, and he would find it unforgivably unethical to lower his standards in order to pass more students who had not genuinely learned the material. This is core to his character.
However, as someone who is a teacher IRL, I know the absolutely miserable feeling setting that kind of standard can cause. There's the obvious disheartening sense of disappointment ("Are students these days really not capable of doing the work correctly? Is our future in danger, if this is the highest level of understanding our current generation of students can achieve?"), but even worse than that is the self-doubt.
"Is this somehow my fault? Am I not teaching this material in the right ways for the students to learn? Is there something I could have done differently to get through to these students? Would a better teacher have a higher passing rate?"
We know that Ratio does (or at least did) struggle with feeling inferior to the Genius Society, so I think it is also likely, as much as he absolutely will not budge on his academic standards, that he has doubts about his teaching ability as well.
This is the man who wants to educate the entire world to cure the disease of ignorance, and yet only 3% of his actual students are able to get there. How can someone who gets so few of his direct students to a state of enlightenment hope to enlighten the whole universe? If so few students are successfully learning the material of a given class, doesn't that mean the teacher is doing something wrong?Would a better teacher--would a genius, maybe--not be able to impart their knowledge more efficiently and educate even the most challenging of students?
As someone constantly struggling with that balance between keeping academic standards high while also meeting the needs of today's students, I think the passing rates of his courses must affect Dr. Ratio much more deeply than I've seen fans discuss. I think he would question himself harshly over his class success rates, and I think he must be constantly trying to push himself to become the best teacher he possibly can be.
tl;dr: I hope one day the HSR fandom will stop sleeping on the fact that Ratio is an actual practicing professor who probably has astronomical levels of teacher angst. 😂
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games i liked in 2023 (And Other)
I like games ! You know that ?! and I played a lot 2023! and I liked a lot :). They aren't in any specific order, it's just a little highlight of games that stood out to me this year. I've attempted to write a few thoughts on each so I hope take a look. I wrote playtimes for some also but that is very subjective.
-Ones that actually came out 2023-
Lunacid
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1745510/Lunacid/
I think I mentioned enjoying this in 2022 but it officially released so I can say it was one of my favorite games in 2023 :3! I like to feel around this game's walls for secrets. I like the npcs that are full of hope and whimsy despite the bleakness of its world. Chill and occasionally spooky first person dungeon crawling around moody caverns and ruins varying from underground forests to vampire castles and blood lake. (Blood lake!!!! Lake of blood!!! Big creature there.) Lots of fun weapons and spells to find, I like the one that lets you turn blood into coffins.
~20 hours
Orbo's Odyssey
https://feverdreamjohnny.itch.io/orbos-odyssey
If you played the massively popular demo for "Peeb Adventures" by feverdreamjohnny then you know that Johnny makes some fun and funny games and this is certainly one of them.
speedy and satisfying platforming! funny dracula moments! short and sweet.
~2 hours
A Walk in the Woods
https://mooncaller.itch.io/a-walk-in-the-woods
Quaint little GBStudio game :) Made by some friends of mine for a jam :) It's cute I like it. There's minigames where you catch bugs and birdwatch.
~30 minutes long
Undertale Yellow
https://gamejolt.com/games/UndertaleYellow/136925
I've only completed the pacifist run and checked out a neutral run so far. as the title somewhat implies, this is a prequel to Undertale where you play as the fallen human who had the yellow colored soul.
This Undertale fangame has a lot of charm!!! A lot of battles really feel like they could have been in the original, with quite a bit of extra flair in some circumstances.
~10 hours
vs really cool bird
https://bobacupcake.itch.io/vs-really-cool-bird
you know that really cool bird that rob bobacupcake made well you can fight it in undertale and it's really fun.
yeah two undertale fangames. . . wat of it …
~30 minutes
Misericorde: Volume One
https://xeecee.itch.io/misericorde
I wont lie the main draw for me into this was cute anime nuns I sure didn't know a whole lot else about it when I dug into it. But it's (the first part of) a VN murder mystery! And I enjoyed it a whole lot. All the characters are memorable and I really enjoy how all of them have differentiating designs. The protagonist is so failgirl. She sucks so much and I love her. I'm very intrigued by the mechanics of the game's world, it clues you in near the beginning to expect something a bit supernatural/fantastical, which gives you (and later the protagonist) a curiosity about what's real and what isn't. The music is all very impressive too, with the ost reaching past 100 tracks varying through post-rock, folk, drum & bass, and others. (Remembering when the track "Scandal" played and my friends and I took a moment to be like- okay hang on this track pwns.) Big fan of its haunting locals and how the aesthetic of the game fits them well. Also the humor is a lot of fun, and I love all the moments getting to know the different characters. Very excited to see the eventual continuation of this.
~12 hours
Absolutely Perfect Specimen
https://chambersoft.itch.io/absolutely-perfect-specimen
It seems like a lot of people are craving toxic horror yuri lately. Here's a recommendation.
It's a VN about the android maid "Pan" and the mad scientist girl who created her. Horrifying & gut wrenching & largely about having other people define you. The art and music is haunting & poignant and matches the ever increasing feeling of dread throughout. It's yuri with the chunks. Peak robotgirl horror for those who can stomach it.
~90 minutes
Wordhopper
https://kokoscript.itch.io/wordhopper
Very quaint word search type puzzle game for ms dos! I think its style is very slick and that's pretty impressive to see. Chill game with nice vibes and eyecandy visuals. also it was so cool to have played this and then ended up seeing the dev's booth at Vintage Computer Festival Midwest. I was like omg woah I just played this.
~bunny
Bossgame
https://lilyv.itch.io/bossgame
This game is yuriful as f*ck. Delightful humor and fun character dynamics! A simple-to-understand-difficult-to-master boss rush battle system that makes you satisfied to get it right, and enticing to get just a little farther if you get it wrong. There's a lot of detail and charm to this game's menus and dialogues and win screens, I remember noticing that once you beat a boss there would be some marquee text that would pass by with some prose on it. I love how it balances its silly moments with its heartfelt moments and its high octane moments. I like the character development and revelations had throughout the plot. & I like how good the protagonists are for each other :) It's very sweet. It's hype as hell. if you want some boss rush action paired well with that sweet sweet girl's love, you *will* play this game.
~5 hours
Elly's Adventure
https://bikwins.itch.io/ellys-adventure
Very cute and witchy!! You are the little witch girl "Elly" on an adventure to get your toys back!!
Feels like a pretty authentic gameboy type experience, it takes a lot of design cues from Kirby's adventure and the like. I am a big fan of how playful it feels.
~1 hour
Nour
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1141050/Nour_Play_with_Your_Food/
This was a treat for me, but I understand that not everybody is going to get it. It's a game where you play with food(and food accessories). And that's it. It knows what it was going for. I think a lot of people were expecting something else for some reason. It's a cute little toy game and I felt satisfied with my time with it.
~food
Hi-Fi Rush
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1817230/HiFi_RUSH/
Do I have to say this game is super fun? It's a big one everybody probably already knows it. This game's dopey humor made me laugh a lot and I'm not afraid to admit it.
~12 hours
WHISKEY.ST2007S
https://bonicle.itch.io/whiskey-st2007nes
One of the last games I played in the year because it released super last minute. Does anybody else get a rush when running a shopping cart down the parking lot? This emulates that feeling.
Short game where you collect whisky stones in the whisky stone dimension because you forgot to go christmas shopping until the very last minute. it rules.
It's very short you can go play it right now & get a highscore.
~5 minutes
re:curse
https://devpalmer.itch.io/re-curse
Discovered this one near the very end of the year also.
Fun little rpg maker horror/humor game about a weird scientist lady, her butch, and an evil clown computer virus that figured out how to warp reality.
I got a kick out of it. and also enjoyed digging through the game's files, which was actively encouraged by the dev, which I thought was very fun.
~90 minutes
-Didn't technically get to until 2024 but released last year-
SWOLLEN TO BURSTING UNTIL I AM DISAPPEARING ON PURPOSE
https://1207.itch.io/swollen-to-bursting-until-i-am-disappearing-on-purpose
People love to dunk on a lot of indie rpgs for being "quirky Earthbound inspired and about depression" or whatever. Earthbound's great. If people can nail the kind of humor and absurdity it likes to pull off while also balancing difficult topics I think that deserves a high mark.
SWOLLEN TO BURSTING was fun. Bizarre and charming places to explore & distressing secrets to find. I like how it blends meander-around-the-town gameplay with Yume Nikki sort of exploration and effects. Also I'm a big fan of the music. I like how it has the lofi sound which matches the early 3d look of the game.
~6 hours
HalOPE
https://starbage.itch.io/halope
Another for the fans of sweet little rpg maker games that have a lot of heart. HalOPE is about an incomplete little angel wondering through worlds. Each has a theme, usually to do with an emotion or feeling, and they do well at evoking that feeling as well as its antithesis. a lot of the music is very homey and charming at moments and unnerving at others, sometimes lonely, all doing well in their corresponding chapters to further the feeling of its specified theme. There are so many delightful characters and designs in this & I found myself feeling really attached to their tiny little stories. The narrative at the core of it all hit me. If I may be vulnerable, I cried a whole lot at various moments in this game. It was really cathartic. I feel very excited for people to experience this game.
~5 hours
-Favs I finally got around to that didn't come out 2023-
An Outcry
https://quinnk.itch.io/an-outcry
Kind of sad it took me so long to get to this one, but glad it meant I got to play the "definitive" updated version of it.
Apartment wandering RPG maker horror. Bum smokes from your neighbors and use them to save the game.
I wish I could unwrap a lot more of what I like about this game than I can without spoiling too much. But if I could, I'd probably go on for too long. Let me attempt to be succinct & not giving too much away. You can tell pretty early on that An Outcry is about taking action when necessary & not turning a blind eye. What it explores about player vs protagonist agency is very fascinating to me as well, and I enjoyed learning about the inspirations for why the game's narrative works the way it does. The character Anne is such a sweetie and I love her a whole lot. This game has a very tangible feeling, this apartment complex is dirty and crumby, it smells of smoke, and there's a surrounding desperation you can feel.
~5 hours
Pigments
https://punkcake.itch.io/pigments
Honestly I had gotten this game in a bundle and while I was playing it I hadn't looked at the name and I just kept calling it FRUIT.
On call with my friends I'd be like "hey im gonna play more FRUIT". I straight up didn't read the title screen.
But it's called Pigments. You play as a fruit and you try to paint the whole floor and not get sliced by buzzsaws. Fun little arcade type game.
~fruit
Bridge, October 3rd
https://lowpolis.itch.io/bridge-october-3rd
Very short vignette. I like it. It's what it says it is. I'm not going to overexplain.
~like a minute
-Other Games I Want To Mention-
Pseudoregalia
https://store.steampowered.com/app/2365810/Pseudoregalia/
I think a lot of people might have already known this one but I felt like it was a pretty fun 3d platformer. There were a few issues I had with it (boss fight at the beginning was frustrating, and I got lost a lot [but it looks like there's been a map patch by now, so, perhaps for some that is a fix]). I enjoyed it but sure felt weird that the only accessibility option was to give the protagonist pants. What kind of joke is that?
~5 hours
Mushroom Musume
https://mortallymoonstruckgames.itch.io/mushroom-musume
(Disclaimer, this game is still early access, but I saw a lot of people talking about it last year. SO I will mention here?)
Haven't played much of this yet, but I have enjoyed what I played so far!!
As of writing I've gone through 6 playthroughs, I feel like I've hardly scratched the surface and I've been so impressed by its depth.
It's very charming, you never know what sorts of fairytale shenanigans are going to happen, and it's very cool to see how your different stats will affect things.
It very much plays out like a roguelike vn. Which is not the sort of thing you may expect to make much sense but it pulls this off well.
Also all the mushroom girls are very cute and I love them very much. I hope the sad goopy one who had bugs in her skin rests in peace.
~mushroom
Knuckle Sandwich
https://andybrophy.itch.io/knuckle-sandwich
-_-
Hm. Where do I start with this one.
I was pretty excited for this one since the demo and kickstarter in 2018. I felt like the demo was a hell of a hook that got me curious & horrified. As time went on, it seemed to be shaping up into something really cool. turn based combat with action commands and wario-ware-type microgames?? with a banging soundtrack?? like, count me in!! Then it released and well, the gameplay, art, music all delivered. It was very fun and engaging in those aspects.
But the story… oh it just devolves into disappointing nonsensical randomness. The whole hook at the beginning seemed to be completely thrown away for the wild goose chase plot that ensues, leaving you to wonder if it was ever going to be relevant again. It felt like it had no idea what it was trying to say or do. It disappointed me that a game that has so much good in so much else about it gets brought down so much for me by this plot.
~12 hours
Rhythm Doctor
https://store.steampowered.com/app/774181/Rhythm_Doctor/
(Putting this one in mentions because it is early access.) I really enjoyed the act 5 release. When I first saw this game, I kind of shrugged it off, thinking "that base mechanic doesn't seem like it will last". I thought it was basically just that one ghost shooting game from Rhythm Heaven which I Hate. Well let's just say I am now seeking penitence for my previous transgressions. It's really fun. There's a lot more to it that I didn't know when I first took a look. Also, consistently amazed by people's custom levels, I had no idea that its level editor allows people to do so much in it, I look at some levels and think "This editor seems as complex as an industry standard video editor". I'm looking forward to what they're planning next, very curious how they could possibly one-up the last update.
~rhythm
El Paso Elsewhere
https://strangescaffold.itch.io/el-paso-elsewhere
This was really fun & funny so far but unfortunately I had been encountering an issue with a certain level where the game would crash. I reported the issue, got a response, and there has been an update since then so I think there's a possibility that it got fixed but I have not tried yet. I would like to return to this sometime but having to relearn controls midway through is always daunting to me.
~?
-Things that looked good but didn't get around to-
Cosmic Wheel Sisterhood
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1340480/The_Cosmic_Wheel_Sisterhood/
Still don't know a whole lot about this. But there are witches, and I like witches.
Casette Beasts
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1321440/Cassette_Beasts/
I haven't felt thrilled about Pokémon lately. I know a lot of people seemed to really enjoy this little monster-collecting-rpg. The style is appealing to me as a die-hard gen 5 fan. I started playing it but haven't set aside the dedicated time for it yet, but I'm excited to dig in more when I do.
Little Goody Two Shoes
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1812370/Little_Goody_Two_Shoes/
Started watching a friend play this, and I'm certainly curious.. Some sort of horror fairytale but also there's yuri? Yum. Enjoyed the style and animation in the nightmare segments that I saw.
Venba
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1491670/Venba/
I've picked this up a while ago but still haven't gotten around to it, but I'm eager to, I've heard nothing but good things.
Goodbye Volcano High
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1310330/Goodbye_Volcano_High/
I think there are gay dinosaurs in a band and it's going to be the apocalypse? I have also heard nothing but good things about this.
-Things I watched friends play-
Signalis
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1262350/SIGNALIS/
This was a pretty big one. You probably already know it, right?
Watched a friend play this and I missed various parts but I understood a solid bit of it.
hey. robotgirls are always getting put in these fucked up situations. have you noticed this? one time i got really high and cried about it. it isn't fair
Bomb Rush Cyberfunk
https://store.steampowered.com/app/1353230/Bomb_Rush_Cyberfunk/
This one was also probably big enough you don't need me to sing its praises. but it looked really neat. swag.
-Various Thoughts-
Lately I've been thinking more about design and narrative. I feel like I haven't been doing as much analysis as I should be when it comes to games. I want to dissect more what games are saying and figure out meaning. Also attempt to see how the mechanics aid in that. I feel like most of my own work is pretty abstract & random. I simply make what I like. While that's fun and all, I still want to improve in a lot of ways, especially in having more of a theme or message. Figuring out how other games accomplish this is obviously a good step toward this.
If you saw games here that interest you I highly urge you to take a look, many are pretty short, and I pretty explicitly wanted to highlight some smaller titles. If you know me you know I like to uplift small games. (Save for the occasional big game, but that's rare these days) I think it's healthy for you to play and support independently developed & published works. I don't want to ramble too much this time about why that's important, but I hope that you might have found something you may enjoy here and if not then I encourage you to find small stuff that you would like. And I would like to encourage everybody to share their findings as well! Little games need our help to be seen and talked about! They don't have the budgets the big ones do for advertising, and advertising on your own is a whole ton of work. If you like something, spread the word! I'm sure the developers would very much appreciate that.
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EA is a triple A gaming company worth billions. But BioWare? It's a subsidiary that is smaller than you think. (EA has about 13k employees, but BW has about 500).
Not pre-ordering or buying on the day of release isn't going to send a message to EA to improve its practices. It's only going to hurt BioWare and their remaining employees. (This isn't aimed at people who can't afford it, or don't like the game(s), or don't like what they've seen so far, or are very skeptical and want to hold off. I'm talking to people who are excited about the game and have the $60 to spare.)
Yes, there are things to criticize about BioWare and EA, I get it, I really do. What happened to Mary Kirby and those like her is awful. Fuck them for that, truly. The merchandise packages that don't include the game, kinda scummy. But if you don't take that as a sign that EA is pushing down, hard, on BioWare, then I don't know what to tell you. Do you think BioWare is somehow immune from EA's scrutiny? BioWare has two big misses in their recent history, after MEA and Anthem, they are on thin ice.
Will the game be buggy on release? Maybe. They do have a history of it. Hell, DAO is still buggy af, but we love it anyway. Will the game be bad? Possibly. There are story elements in each game that still piss me off to this day. It is a gamble, but if you like what you see and are excited, there is no reason not to support the franchise you love. Do you want more Dragon Age games? Do you want more Mass Effect games? If yes, then the best way to get more games is to buy this game.
The only thing that will happen if DATV sales suck, will be for EA to believe that Dragon Age games no longer sell and to nix or hold off on all future projects for it. By waiting for it to be on sale or pirating it, you could very well damn the future of BioWare and the DA franchise. You're not fucking up EA when you choose not to buy DATV, you are screwing BioWare, which is not the same as EA. BioWare can be dissolved, but EA won't. They won't care, EA will happily get rid of something that isn't making them money. EA is not gonna be hurt by DATV doing poorly in sales, they have their sports franchises that will always make them money. It will only hurt BioWare and the remaining developers. Do you like Weekes? Epler? Busche? Support them!
So if you are excited about Dragon Age: The Veilguard and want to see more Dragon Age games, don't let anyone convince you not to buy it, or pre-order it. Don't let anyone make you feel bad for doing so. If you have the money and like what you see, I encourage you to buy it and show support for your favorite franchise.
(Those worried about the SAG-AFTRA strike, don't be, DATV isn't included in the strike. More here.)
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