Tumgik
#not that exaggerated but its that feeling yknow?
the-acid-pear · 1 year
Text
Dissociation is probably the easiest state of mind for me to notice. When any other matter is modifying my brain it's impossible for me to be sure if I'm experiencing it or not, but for dissociation is SOOO easy because I can just say my legal name and not feel weird and that just solves it 👍
#luly talks#meant to post this like a week ago more than a week ago like a few months ago but i forgor 💀#anyway bc i was walking and i started wondering if i was dissociating (difficult moment) so i just sid that#i thought of three basic things about me: full name; age; nationality#sometimes gender too#see sometimes it's hard to be trans when you also dissociate but its very different for me#one thing is dysphoria because when dysphoric its like. i see what i am and it makes me unhappy#but when dissociating its straight up. i see what i am but this is not me#like its not wrong in a way that you can change its wrong as if you were looking on those funny mirrors#not that exaggerated but its that feeling yknow?#anyway reminding myself of basic bits of info like name nationality gender age can help ground me#and im gonna sound a bit insaner here GO AWAY ⚠️ LAST CHANCE#sometimes its counterproductive in a way because i say that information but that information is wrong it feels wrong and it shakes me up#because like i said i am im possession of Symptoms but they're very blurry because the VILLAIN aka antipsychotics#which made irreversible damage so its like. i feel like lm kicking someone out. or even like we lost track of who is who#there's no direct communication there's nothing solid physical its like being on a dark room and you can't recognize anyone its FOGGY#you can see the outline but how far will that take you? you are guessing. and if one is dissociating it tends to mean ALL are dissociating#aAnyway that was enough speech about the brain goodbye i have to sexualize that puppet now#brain stuff
1 note · View note
bloomingbluebell · 5 months
Text
i feel so bad sometimes when i see people complaining about how their favs don't get a lot of content compared to my fav who gets a ton of content and i don't... really know what to do about it?
like i know i'm literally a part of the problem but i also literally cannot focus on anything else. i literally only read fanfiction about one character at a time and anything else just does not grab me as much. i can't explain why.
5 notes · View notes
coloursofaparadox · 1 year
Text
im still not over the sleep thing one sec i gotta rant about this shit
#i think the problem now is that historically my sleep habits have been Really Messed Up by what can loosely be called insomnia my whole life#its always kinda just been a given that if im in bed and i cant sleep there is absolutely nothing that can be done to help#and thats not for lack of trying i have tried every meditation and suggested solution possible. it does not happen.#if i cant fall asleep and try to force myself w/o distractions i will be awake staring at the ceiling for hours. usually till the morning#thats not an exaggeration it happened often before i gave up on it. so i figured out coping methods!#namely 1) making sure my body is taken care of as well as possible to make sure its not caused by pain or hunger or anxiety#and 2) not trying to force it and accepting itll happen when it happens. and then reading a book or watching a show on a dim screen#until i physically cant keep my eyes open and then i can fall asleep. if i try any earlier than that no dice. my brain wakes itself up again#these worked for years! but now thanks to adhd meds that actually make my brain quiet. uh. these same coping methods are. not working#im physically tired and start my usual routine and wait to pass out while reading but i just. dont. ever.#like. the physically tired feeling has never made a difference in my body cooperating with sleep. but now apparently it will????#and ive been ignoring it??? bc im used to it not working? i tried just. closing my eyes and trying to lay still yesterday and it WORKED#after like. 10 minutes or so. it was fucking crazy. i thought media and pop culture was lying about people doing that.#anyways. apparently i can fall asleep like a human and not some kind of weird chronically exhausted cryptid now.#(because of new adhd meds to be clear) but i havent been because i didnt even think to TRY it. since. yknow. cryptid status.#shits weird.
8 notes · View notes
arolesbianism · 8 months
Text
I've been playing the new cotl update and I generally like it but god do I fucking hate like all of the balance changes just let things be strong man
#rat rambles#like Im ok with the dice relics getting nerfed because they were pretty rediculous before#but making them fragile relics is absolutely terrible and unacceptable#I dont wanna be mean abt it but like time and time again theyve nerfed things way too fucking hard and only some of them get unfucked#like I am not even slightly exaggerating when I say this one change has made all of the dice the worst relics in the game#making them a one time use just completely fucked up the balance of them especially when theres other relics that are also deeply powerful#for getting health And are good damage dealers#it also showcases that they do not understand just how bad most of the fragile relics already are#like genuinely I am baffled by this decision its been making this update so much harder to enjoy#also apparently they massively lowered the level cap which? sucks so fucking bad?#like there's ways to let things be strong without being overpowered#like literally just make it harder to level up followers as they get to the stupid high levels thatd be a much better way to go about it#because lemme tell you its obnoxious to go out of your way to pour that much attention into a follower but rewarding#and for the dice and similarly broken relics just add an extra slow charge speed#you can throw kalamars ear into that pile too along with the bomb one since it's never worth picking up as a fragile relic#like I do genuinely like this new update and what it adds so far its just that the actual yknow gameplay got a smidge bit worse#and since I like the combat in this game any negative changes on it hit much harder than most quality of life stuff#also for the actual new content I do like it but I do hope this is the last big content update at least for a while#I worry abt the game becoming too crowded with mechanics to the point it stops feeling like a coherent game#and to be clear in my personal opinion this update is already bluring the lines of those fronts#again I do genuinely rly like this update it just makes me worry abt the future of this game#I hope if they do make another larger update they focus more on expanding upon already existing mechanics instead of making new ones#like I think sin could rly use more things to do with it#like with how many ways there are to generate it its strange that almost all of the things you do with it are cosmetic#although tbf I havent been dungeoning much today so maybe theres some hidden stuff to use sin for there lol#also one huge thing that Im confused by is the choice to put the sewing building on the first tier of the inspiration tree#cause it uses silk. aka the stuff from the last dungeon most players unlock#I feel like itd be more appropriate to put it as an ofbranch of the housing tree#so basically my review of this update is that its fun and I like the new mechanics but they do feel a bit half baked#and Im not a fan of the balance changes and Im also not a fan of the gun but thats more of a me problem
2 notes · View notes
maretriarch · 2 years
Text
halfway through eating about half a tub of acrylic paint by mindlessly using my lips to point the tip of my brush i am brutally reminded of the uranium girls whos jaws fell off while doing the same thing to paint the itty bitty numbers on clocks with radioactive paint. luckily this craft paint is nontoxic so if your grubby toddler you're doing hand prints with sticks his fist in his mouth he won't die and also this grown man whos too lazy and cheap to buy not junk brushes she found rooting thru her niece and nephews crayon drawer
14 notes · View notes
caffeinatedopossum · 2 years
Text
Just remembered that the person I kept telling myself didn't abuse me was the same person who, when I came home with broken arm one night, made me wait until the next day to take me to the ER
12 notes · View notes
tiredsadpeach · 2 years
Text
I don’t think any of my friends would even notice if I just isolated myself lmao
#so I’m gonna do it!!!!#I don’t feel like any of them care anyway#I only have three friends btw no surprise there#honestly it’s a miracle I have any but yknow#it doesn’t matter all but one just continually forget about me even on days they Know are hard for me#and I’m not exaggerating because one sorta checked on me and then I was semi comforting him instead and the other tweeted about hoping I’m#okay but did nothing to actually check on me or anything I’m just a passing thought its like I’m not even there#like a tweet on your priv about me is nothing compared to actually messaging me and checking on me#whatever I’m just a dead flower anyway since I never text first and then I see things where they complain about people that don’t text first#and I get even more self conscious and upset at myself but I can’t do anything about it because when I try lately things go wrong so why try#stop watering a dead plant they say lmao#not like I have trauma that stops me or anything#not like when I had decided I needed help or just someone to talk to it took me hours to finally text#not like I texted first to try and resolve an argument twice lately and you were just even more angry#idk what you want me to do#I just know what I can and can’t do#I haven’t been enough for you this whole year and I know if you leave that he’ll leave too that’s how y’all work#I honestly wanna deactivate my twt but that’ll just piss him off#I just need to live silently until I get the tax money#oh lol just remembered one time when I texted first to try and fix things he tweeted about how he wished he had just killed himself the#night before so he wouldn’t have to have that conversation just then!!!!!!#but no I’m just an awful person because I don’t text first
13 notes · View notes
goodnightwindy · 1 year
Text
ok yeah i definitely have eating problems. sigh
3 notes · View notes
hydra-collector · 2 years
Text
ok. hot take. ai generated art is not inherently bad because it learns from preexisting images and art
2 notes · View notes
mbat · 2 months
Text
i feel like the biggest problems with lucifer wouldnt be there if it wasnt a show written by christians for christians and i do mean that
#i mostly just mean that it felt like they couldnt let a story be interesting because itd go against their beliefs#like lucifer didnt like his father because his father banished him and abandoned him#but then we meet his father and his father is just... a guy. who toootally had the best intentions#except erase my sarcasm because thats literally how they play it out is that god didnt mean to hurt luci....#but it wouldve been so much more interesting if god actually was antagonistic and had not so great intentions#and needed to be redeemed but you cant redeem god because god would never need to be redeemed!#like you see the issue there? what. luci was just exaggerating his situation? seeing it wrong? making stuff up?#like. he was the abused and neglected son who was punished for standing up for what he believed in but whatever i guess#and yes i do think kicking your child out is abuse#also everyone always complains about maze going against luci in like every season and i blame that on them going 'well shes a demon so'#i think the only time i can remember it feeling justified is when she just wants to go home but luci wont take her but even then#she goes a bit far yknow?#and dont even get me started on the finale and how ive heard that they said it was because in christianity everything is set in stone#or whatever dumbass reason they had for making luci just as bad as his father but pretending it was. again. with the best intentions#ABANDONING YOUR CHILD IS STILL ABANDONING YOUR CHILD#the reason he did it wasnt even good like. it severely sucked and i dont consider the ending canon at all.#i could go on. i obviously like the show but i soo wish it was written differently a lot of the time.#also of course the show focuses heavily on punishment because the devil and also its a cop show#though they do lean into the redemption stuff later on in the show blah blah blah ugh#lucifer#my post
0 notes
catmemey · 3 months
Text
all I need to do is spend less money <- said while crying and sobbing
1 note · View note
inkats · 5 months
Text
watching portfolio review/tips videos while doing my artfight refs so fun actually im like oohh these could be that and oh i should add this in and it's for art trade month. im just making a character design portfolio for fun.
1 note · View note
perilegs · 1 year
Text
does no/low empathy mean like. emotional or cognitive empathy or can it mean either or?
1 note · View note
the-heaminator · 1 year
Text
.
0 notes
faerociousbeast · 2 years
Text
being. on main again sorry
0 notes
winterarmyy · 1 year
Text
Must Be Fate
Prequel to And You're Mine. This is the story of how Y/N first met her cute, chubby alpha!bucky.
Tumblr media
Summary: Y/N has been crossing paths with this particularly sweet alpha all day long; this must be fate right?
Navigation: Prequel || Main Story I || Main Story II || Main Story III
Pairing: chubby alpha!bucky x omega!female!reader
Words: 4.2k++
Warnings: a/b/o dynamics. fluffy stuff. sort of fated mate themed because... love at first scent(?). instant love. the reader was just smitten without even knowing bucky's name, alpine making her appearance, 99.9% reader's pov because she's the one who fell in love and remembers him. Dialogue? almost little to none (I AM SO SORRY FOR THAT). And I little shout out to one of my favourite book.
P/S: Been busy these few days, i just graduated my bachelor's degree, then went through the whole job hunting process and somehow managed to land an offer (in another state btw), then went on a stressful house hunting journey and managed to get decent place. Yknow, all those "adulting" stuff (that i am not ready to face). But yeah, here's a little something from my wip that I managed to finish. Happy reading! 🤍
Read my other works here: Masterlist
Tumblr media
Y/N herself might not notice it, but she had been stealing glances through the pretense of the book she was supposed to be reading for quite some time now. Not that she wanted to be distracted anyway; she was rather enjoying her current read, especially the banter between main characters, Liesel and Rudy.
Yet for some reason, she couldn’t tear her gaze away from the particular alpha sitting on the park bench, right across from her.
It seemed that the man was also distracted with his own personal dilemma as his thoughts were lost within the arrangement of peonies in his hand. There was this deep frown decorating his features yet his eyes translates a different type of emotion. More gloomy, more somber. And Y/N knew exactly why.
She never meant to follow Bucky around, in fact, she didn’t. It just happened that his paths were fated to intertwined with hers; and it all started that afternoon.
Tumblr media
The bus was packed full, albeit it was Saturday, but thankfully she managed to find herself a seat.
Since Y/N was getting closer to her heat, in about a week or so, and her scent blockers were nearly out. She just got back from a nearby clinic to restock and now she had a full day for herself.
The thing about her pre-heat condition is that she was fortunate to not experience the normally unpleasant symptoms like any omega would; she doesn't get irritated easily and she didn't have to go through those random aches and fever.
However, she had a particular symptom that differs from the other omega; which involve the irregular increase of her scent.
During pre-heat and all throughout the actual heat, Y/N’s scent tripled the amount of a normal omega in heat. And since, she refused to take suppressants, the doctor prescribed her with a high dosage of scent blockers instead; to mask her scent completely during pre-heat.
Besides her own scent thickens and heighten, her sense of smell was also affected. It will become so senstive that she can smell everything and everyone, all at the same time.
Unfortunately for her, there weren’t any medication to combat that issue and the only solution she could do was wearing a mask to lessen affect of other people’s scents. But of course, the mask can only do so much especially when she was in a tight confinement of a bus with – what feels like – 2000 people crammed into it.
Too many potent scents coming from every direction, that her head spun into nausea.
Sure, she might be a little bit exaggerating about the amount of people in the bus, but it felt awfully like it when the bus stopped in every bus stop in its route; she can physically feel the inertia of the force pushing her to lean forward.
Thank god, she was sitting down; she managed to hold on the seat in front of her for support. Often times she would whisper her apologies to the man sitting in front for the sudden push of her hand, And most times he only nodded without looking back.
But at one of those stops, unfortunately, the teenager standing next to her bumped his head right onto the metal pole. Poor thing quickly scurried out of the bus in pain and embarrassment.
The density of people became lesser at that stop, but not enough to empty any seat in the bus. Though it worked well for her that most of the strong scents were fading into a much more bearable capacity for her to endure.
While streams of people exited the bus, only one came aboard; a sweet old lady. The moment Y/N saw her, she was already thinking of giving up her seat, but the man sitting in front of her beat her to it as he swiftly stood on his feet and help the old lady to his seat.
The old lady gushed and thanked the man, dearly patted his cheeks like any grandmother would do to their grandchildren.
And in that brief moment of time, when he moved, Y/N picked up a particularly sweet scent trailing behind him and when he came back, it hits her like a train. At first, she can sense some sort of floral; roses and jasmine but with time the smoky sandalwood and spicy cinnamon seeped through. The combination of sweet and woody notes made such a warm and captivating scent.
She never knew an alpha can smell this good.
Her eyes fluttered close as the alluring scent flooded her brain, letting his scent creates the dreamy images of his fingers lacing between hers as they walk in the rain, or him cuddling her in the heat of the fireplace during the winter, or his body trapping her by the back as she takes his huge delicious kno—whoa.
That was way too vivid and a tad too far.
She was so enthralled by his scent that she forgot to even look at the man’s face. And a mistake it was for her to take a peek because he is absolutely gorgeous. The brown locks on his head was neat and clean that she just wanted to make a mess out of it. His eyes were pretty in steel-blue and his plush lips was simply a sin to look at.
Though some would argue about the lack of shape in his jawline, the same one that was hidden between his chin; she didn’t care at all, rather she was particularly fond of the softness on his chubby cheeks. Shaved so clean and smooth that she couldn't find a single razor cut on his skin.
They look so cute and kissable. She want to kiss his cheeks, his lips, and every part of his ridiculously handsome face. She wanted kiss him so badly.
And those intrusive thoughts made her almost missed her stop.
Y/N panicked when she scurried out of the bus that she didn't even thought to ask him for his name or number; anything.
But then again, she wasn't the type to be so bold in the first place; she knew wouldn't have the courage to even speak a word to him. His scent alone almost pushed her into a frenzy, so imagine if he would look at her with those beautiful eyes of his, smile at her, talk to her?
She'd simply die. She was sure of it.
So, with regrets Y/N walked towards the familiar road right into the local bookstore that she often visits. Thinking that this encounter would probably be forgotten by the end of the day.
Tumblr media
Then she spent hours in that shop trying to find the perfect book to put her out of the miserable reading slump she was currently in. While her eyes skim over the covers of the book in display, in the back of her head, Y/N was almost certain of how unlikely it was for her to see the alpha ever again.
Couple of turns later, her footsteps trailed back to the space in between the bookshelves next to the huge glass window of the store. Still glancing absentmindedly at the book covers particular on the historical fiction isle. She halted when she saw it, the book that people had been recommending to her, 'The Book Thief'.
After reading the summary behind the book, she felt drawn to it almost instantly. Thinking that maybe this would be the book that will replenish her interest of reading back to its utmost glory.
But when she lifted her head up, she froze yet again. This time, not because the sight of a book. But it was the silhouette of the alpha she saw in the bus. Instinctively, her feet step closer to the glass window, to have a better look at the man across the road.
The alpha had just exited the flower shop opposite from where she was standing, with a gorgeous bouquet of peonies in his hands. Now that she looked closely, his hands were covered with black leather gloves; it intrigued her and she wondered about the story behind it.
Y/N wasn't that dense; she could see it right away from the way he dressed, to the choice of gift he went for. She knew instantly that the alpha was probably going out on a date.
And that stung her a little bit. How nice it must be to be his date, his girl, his omega.
Funny of her to think so when she never really talked to the guy. Let alone know him well enough to decided whether he's a good alpha or not. But something about him felt right to her.
But, sometimes it'll be like that. Falling in love so strongly, so instantly. And there's nothing wrong with it, as long as you know how to protect yourself; your body, your heart.
When her gaze moved upwards to his face; and her heart almost escaped her body. It was so quick, so faint. But, she saw his smile. It wasn't for her but it was so pretty. Y/N felt like a bow just struck her chest and the cupid was trying to pull it back out.
She knew full well how she probably need to move on from this delusional crush of hers yet her eyes still longingly lingered at his moving figure, walking farther away from her sight.
Tumblr media
When she thought that would be the last time she saw him, she was utterly wrong. Now, it felt like devilish cupid was toying with her heart as their path crossed yet again, this time at a nearby cafe.
She didn't notice him at first, at least until she placed her orders and saw him sitting alone at the far corner of the cafe. He seemed to be waiting for his date; the flowers laid perfectly on the seat next to him.
In contrast of the few looks of his that she had witness before, the alpha's demeanour indicates anxiousness.
His heel keeps tapping the floor, causing his knees to jump up and down, as he fiddled with his phone. Occasionally, he would look at the time and put it down. Just to do the same thing over again only seconds later.
And that made her wondered if this was his first date with whomever the person he was supposed to be seeing. She knew those feelings all too well. It was only canon that he felt the jitters on his first date, she'd been there too.
When her drink was served, Y/N decided to stay awhile longer. She didn't know what she was expecting from this but she wanted to make sure he was okay. Or maybe she just wanted to see who was the lucky girl. So she found herself a seat, a little bit discrete yet enough to see him from where she sat.
Pulling out her new purchase, she decided to pass the time with some light reading, maybe getting herself comfortable with the world building in the book and get to know the main characters in the process. In between those moments, Y/N would peek above the book, particularly at the sight of that beautiful stranger from across the room.
Pages upon pages she drowned herself to the words of the author that she didn't notice how time flies passing the half an hour mark; and the cafe started to get more crowded and rowdier. Certainly, the amount of potent scents had were floating around her were slowly getting to her.
Y/N knew if she stayed a longer, she'd surely throw up whatever drink she just had. So, she decided to leave. But not before glancing at the alpha – who was still waiting for his date – for one last time, then she pulled the door open and walked away.
Tumblr media
Certainly, that was supposed to be the last time she see him right? Nope. The universe proved her wrong when the man found a seat on the bench opposite her. With the same bouquet of flowers in his hands.
And at this point, she thought that this must be fate. There's no other explanation than this.
When she lowered her book again, she saw a white feline rubbing its head on Bucky's legs. It was too far to hear its voice but considering the amount of time its mouth open, Y/N figured it was meowing at him.
Probably to get his attention, or just wanted to comfort the alpha because just from the look of it, she knew he was stood up by his date. And Y/N was unexpectedly mad about it; maybe it was from personal experience or maybe it was just because she couldn't accept the fact that this fine, gorgeous, sweet alpha was being stood up.
Y/N watched how Bucky put away the flowers and scooped the cat onto his lap. He squinted his eyes at the ball of fur and spoke something. She hadn't had a clue what he said but it was probably along the lines, "Are you lost, little one?" He scratched its chin and neck while trying to see if it has a collar.
After so long of seeing that deep grumpy-looking frown on his face, Bucky finally graced her with another smile when the cat tried to rub its nose on his cheeks. Its whiskers tickled his nose and had trigger a laugh out of him.
God, Y/N had never been so desperate to be a cat in her life. She wanted to be that cat; sitting on his lap like she owns that place, making him smile and laugh like that. She wanted nothing more that to do so; to please him in a way that would make her own heart full.
Her daydream was cut short though, when a heavy scent of cigarettes and rum invaded her space. In fact it was so thick and potent, but considering the lanky alpha was sitting right next to her it was inevitable.
Y/N didn't want to be rude; because if she just walk away to find a different spot to sit at, then it would seem rude to the man. Her heighten sense of smell was to be blamed, not the man who was simply sitting next to her, enjoying the park as much as everybody else does.
So, she stayed.
But in those few minutes that she stayed, she might have re-adjust her mask a few times, as if it would help to lessen the scent. But, she did it anyway. And that was all she did. Yet somehow, it managed to rub the alpha in a wrong way.
"Ya got a problem with my scent, beta?" He snarled, clearly he was drunk. And a drunk alpha in the middle of the day was never a good sign.
Though she was relieved to know that the scent blockers worked just fine. Otherwise, she might push the alpha into a rut if he got even a single whiff of her scent.
The alpha growled as she put some space between them instead of answering his question. "Are you even listening to me?! Answer me, you dumb bitch!" His aggressiveness went from zero to hundred real quick when he yanked her by the hand, pulling her closer towards him.
Y/N's book fell from the force of his strength and she yelped in pain and fear. Though she usually know how to put up a brave face and fight back, but the sudden change of his action and emotion didn't gave her time to prepare her; mentally, physically.
With her omega tendencies on default, her body coward to his force and her voice tremble, "L-let me go!" She tried to twist her hand to escape but his grasp only grew stronger.
He pulled her to stand up, "You think a beta like you can look down on me? You and that omega are the same! Bunch of good for thing bitches. Gonna teach you a good lesson for disrespecting an alpha like me!" He roared with words of his drunken concerns, truth of his wounded ego.
Her blood pumped faster through her veins and her breaths increases behind her mask. When she saw his hand rose, Y/N shut her eyes, whimpering in fear as she turned her head away, waiting for the pain strike her but it never happened.
It between those short heavy breaths, she caught a whiff of Bucky's scent. And surely, it gave her the comfort she needed to calm down, guiding her to open her eyes and witness her saviour stopping the unhinged alpha's strike.
Then what happend next was so fast; the way Bucky forced him to release her, and the way the left of his gloved hand wrapped around the alpha's neck, choking the air out of his wind pipe.
Bucky growled something in the alpha's ear, but Y/N couldn't hear it over her own beating heart. She didn't need to, not when the pale look of the man's face says it all. As soon as Bucky loosen his grip, the other alpha stumbled backwards and made a run for his life.
That does tend to happened when Bucky was literally threatened to tear his limbs apart if he touch the woman ever again.
When the panic didn't die like Y/N hoped for, Bucky quickly came to her side; respectfully close while avoiding any sort of skinship. He whispered words of comfort and sweet nothings, "It's okay, you're okay. You're safe now."
His voice was like magic, especially when it managed to calm her so easily. Y/N can feel herself melting, like a marshmallow hovering over the flames; like an ice cream under the summer sun. She took a deep breath of his sweet scent and exhaled a long sigh, "Thank you. Thank you for that." she said.
Bucky bent down to pick up her book and patted the dust off, "It's no big deal, here." He handed the book. She gladly took it from his hand, gripping it tight to her chest.
Her head was still fuzzy from the rush of adrenaline, she couldn't think of a single coherent thought other than gratitude towards her saviour, "Yeah, thank you." She probably didn't even notice that she was talking to the alpha she was crushing on the whole day.
Looking at her shaken state, Bucky was worried of her, "Are you going to be okay?" He asked.
Y/N's mind didn't process his question fast enough to for a confident reply to form, "Huh? Yeah, of course. I'll be fine. Couple of deep breaths should do the trick."
"Are you sure?" Bucky was sceptical but she quickly assured him, "Absolutely!"
He nodded slowly as if she failed to convince him, yet he didn't want to push her too much, "If you say so..."
She let out a another long sigh and said, "Thank you again, really. I don't know what I'd do without you."
Bucky simply chuckled at her words, "You know, you've said 'thank you' way too many times now, doll. Plus, it is an utmost honor of an alpha to save a damsel in distress." He jest.
Which was quickly agreed by a mewl coming from his chest, "Meow!" Y/N didn't even notice the white cat nestling comfortably in his leather jacket, albeit it was zipped up until only its' head peeking out of the dark fabric.
"See? She agrees." Bucky shrugged as if the cat's opinion was the only valid opinion in this situation.
"I did say it a lot, did I?" Y/N cooed as she pet the cat on its' head, smiling at the softness of its' fur against her skin before looking back at the blue eyes of his, "Sorry." She instinctively apologized. 
Bucky shook his head and reminded her, "Don't be."
That was when Bucky's phone rang, a call from Steve, "Hey, you're here? Where are you? Oh there. Yeah, I can see you, punk. You don't need wave at me like that. Yeah, I'll be right there. Please don't let Sam join you. God stop that is fucking embarrassing." He muttered as he looked over how his friends were literally halfway out of the car window, waving at him like a bunch of kids.
Bucky snuck his phone back into his pocket and said, "I'd offer you a ride but the car's full with dumbasses and I wouldn't recommend a sweet thing like you to associate with them in any way."
He managed to pull a short laugh out of her, "Oh, no need to do so. I live close by. Don't need to worry about me just..." her trails stopped mid way.
Only for Bucky to continue with a question, "...Just??"
"Do you mind giving those to me?" Y/N pointed at the flowers in his hand. She knew he was contemplating to throw it away because he had been glancing at the trash way too many times at the first couple of minutes when he sat on that bench across from her.
Y/N noticed how his expression changed, he looked confused but didn't frown upon the idea. Her eyes sparkled with anticipation as she waited patiently for his respond. But he just continued to stare at her, almost blankly but not quite lost. It was as if he was mesmerized by something.
The silence was getting louder than the crowds surrounding them so she decided to explain, "You see, I've never received flowers from anybody before. So, I'm curious how it feels like to receive one." She tried to come up with excuses, though she was still telling the truth. No one she dated had ever gave her flower before, probably deeming it as old-fashioned.
But, she loves those old fashioned gesture the most.
Y/N saw how he hesitated when he stared at the bouquet, his face getting tense by the seconds. She recognize that expression, she knew right away he was holding back his feelings.
But it quickly shifted into a gentle smile, "Pretty flowers for the pretty lady." He whispered under his breath. Bucky didn't waste his time hesitating this time and handed the bouquet to her.
Though she was asking for it but she didn't expect him to really give it to her. This was the first time she ever got flowers from a man. An alpha that she was pretty much head over heels for nonetheless.
Letting her emotions unfiltered, "Thank you!" she squealed as she reach out her hand. As she brought the bouquet closer to her face, she pulled down her mask, inhaling the sweet fragrant of the soft pastel peonies.
Even if her lower face hidden behind the flowers, Bucky swore he saw a burst of sparkles beamed from her upon receiving those flowers. It fascinated him because he never knew that someone could be this happy just from getting such small gift, from a complete stranger he might add.
For a second there, he thought that he would've give her a whole garden of flowers just to see her shine like that again. It felt so good and somehow fulfilling to see her happy like this.
Y/N unknowingly smiled as she let herself lost in the intoxicating scent. And when her eyes fluttered open, a deep chuckle distracted her from the trance. Looking up, as he eyes peeking through the blooming flowers, she finally saw that endearing smile that she wanted to see.
But that wonderful fleeting moment didn't last long as she was hoping for when she heard a group of man shouting for the alpha, "Hey, loverboy! We have a birthday party to get to. Natasha would be pissed if we're late. Again!"
As Bucky shouted back his own sassy counter, Y/N's head was filled with thoughts of kissing him. She didn't particularly know why but she had the need to do it.
Why would she ever do this to a man – who probably currently thinking that she was a creep – that she barely knew?
Even with those unconscious questions, she found her body moved on its own.
When he turned around, Y/N was already on her tip toe, her face was so close to his, while her hand softly cupped his chubby cheeks. She pressed a tender kiss on one of the side soft sides and prayed to God that he couldn't hear how her heart was desprete to escape the confinement of her ribcage.
Y/N placed her mask back before pulling away, only to preen at how she managed to stun him into a red mess of shock, "Thank you for saving me, alpha." Her eyes curved as a sign of a smile before she turn around, almost running away.
She certainly didn't give him a chance to at least know her name, let alone get to know her.
Midway through her path, Y/N abruptly stopped and turned around, her eyes met his curious ones and her heart fluttered, "Thank you for the flowers! I love them!" she shouted with a wide smile on her lips and brightest expression of her face, even if it was blocked by the mask.
Though Bucky could probably translate her eagerness and sincerity from how animatedly joyful she was waving at him. He smiled as he watched the girl ran away with her small steps, almost resembling a hopping bunny.
As Y/N skipped her way home, her lips aches for more of the alpha's softness, her heart yearned for his comforting presense and her glands certainly burned for his mark. And even though she went home not knowing his name, or his contact number. She believed that if he was truly her fated mate, then they will surely meet again someday.
End.
Read my other works here: Masterlist
Tumblr media
A/N: Thank you for loving this couple as much as I do, guys. I noticed a lot of you have been requesting chubby alpha!bucky ever since I first published the first one. So I hope you enjoyed this one. More to come from them. But meanwhile, drop your thoughts?
944 notes · View notes