#one thing is dysphoria because when dysphoric its like. i see what i am and it makes me unhappy

[the-acid-pear]

Dissociation is probably the easiest state of mind for me to notice. When any other matter is modifying my brain it's impossible for me to be sure if I'm experiencing it or not, but for dissociation is SOOO easy because I can just say my legal name and not feel weird and that just solves it 👍

[gayhenrycreel]

#ftm is a fetish tag

disclaimer, i am a trans man

#ftm is a fetish tag. i dont know if its always been like this but it is a problem.

i can hardly find any transmascs in that tag.

there are cis women misgendering trans men as a kink, and talking about our bodies like sex dolls everywhere in that tag. its mostly cishet women using OUR tag to objectify our bodies because they are too afraid to consider that they might not be straight. it is at least half detransition kink. im very uncomfortable with cis people doing this, but if they want to i wont stop them.

but this is in OUR TAG. this is horrible. they write disgusting smut about women who are short twinks with soft tits and dripping cunts and no dysphoria at all.

they just call them trans men.

ive seen other transmascs complain about this too.

these fics are written by and for cis women. they are chasers. the way they talk about our bodies is revolting. they know nothing about trans men at all.

i know that not all trans men feel dysphoric about their bodies, but these women are still treating us like a fetish that only occurs in fiction, rather than people who have emotions and often want to have a flat chest and/or a penis.

in particular they fetishize gay trans men. all these fics are about femboys who are horrified by the concept of transitioning getting fucked by bears. the people writing this view transitioning as mutilation. its very obvious.

ive noticed that this occasionally extends to fetishizing cis men with gynecomastia. its clear they want to fuck women but think lesbians are disgusting, so they call the women in their fics men, but misgender them throughout the text.

i hardly see any representation for trans men who even want to transition. newsflash: a lot of us do want to transition. many of us have already had surgery.

if you genuinely do want to write smut with GOOD portrayal of trans men, heres some tips on what we want in our representation:

trans men who dont want to transition deserve rep too, but many of us are entirely uncomfortable with our bodies. very few of us want any attention given to the parts we are born with. a lot of pre op trans men wear a binder during sex. we're not all bottoms, and some of us wear strap ons.

when we're on testosterone, it causes vaginal atrophy, similar to menopause. it gets very dry down there and easily irritated. this means that vaginal sex can be very painful and could even damage tissues. even without T, vaginal penetration is usually no where near as fun as it is for cis women. anything being in there is awful and sometimes painful.

anal sex is a thing. its not gross. its perfectly normal. it just requires some lubricant, and for a trans man, is a lot more comfortable than vaginal sex.

shockingly, most of us do not want to be called girls.

dont misgender a trans person in a sex scene. at all. some of us like to be called good boys during sex. stop calling us girls.

some of us have had surgery. it is NOT mutilation. it is life saving. top surgery is one that we get most frequently. the results do look just like a cis mans chest. there are long thin scars under the pecs, but these fade after a few years. they may not even be visible. bottom surgery exists too.

metoidioplasty creates a micropenis out of the clitoris. it does look real. it looks like a regular micropenis. it has full sensation.

phalloplasty uses a flap of skin, usually from the forearm, and turns it into a penis. this surgery is more complex and is done in multiple stages. after it is complete, it looks like a circumcised penis. its size is dependent on the flap of skin used to make it, so it can actually be larger than average. (on r/phallo someone even got a reduction surgery because his dick was 7 inches long). the area the skin flap was taken from has pretty big scarring. it looks like the result of a severe burn. it is sometimes covered by a tatoo. there is a lot of misinformation about phalloplasty. it is a big surgery, but it is no where near as dangerous as the internet would have you believe. after it has fully healed it does look real, and a genital nerve is usually hooked up to the penis. it can take a while to heal (years), but after a few months sensation begins to return as the nerves heal. the clitoris is often buried in the base of the penis, and if a genital nerve hook up is done the penis can have full sensation, including the tip. not everyone gets full sensation, and it can take years for sensation to fully return, but 93% of men who get phalloplasty are satisfied with the results. that is a lot. it is quite rare that sensation is fully lost, so yes, you can orgasm after phalloplasty. one thing to note is that a phalloplasty penis cant get hard on its own. there are two types of implant for erections. one is a rod inside the penis, which can last over 20 years before needing a replacement. the rod is flexible, so can be positioned as an erection. the other implant is a internal pump that is more complicated than the rod, and needs to be replaced roughly every 15 years. it is filled with water and sits inside the penis. to get an erection, you squeeze one of the testicles, which is a pump implant, pushing the water into the penis, causing an erection.

most importantly, we are men. we can be feminine. we can be masculine. we can look exactly like cis men. dont forget that we are people, we are real. we are not some sex fantasy.

[theriacballad]

Actually sure I'll feed you lot a bit more. Have my deranged ramblings from 3 AM about my humanized AM.

--------------------------------

underneath his clothing it’s just all mechanical stuff mended with some parts of flesh; the front part of his body is mainly exposed, showing pseudo-bones made out of different pliable but strong material; ribcage yadda yadda but there’s a “cage” within the ribcage that is like. Kind of like a really large glass jar? Made out of bulletproof glass that holds all of his organs in fluid to keep them moist and from drying out. It's really weird looking and he feels mostly dysphoric about that, so he doesn't like to wear very revealing clothing. If you listen close enough when he's moving around you can most likely hear the preserving fluid and organs sloshing around and moving. It's kind of gross.

His back has flesh on it, but there’s not much considering his spine is exposed underneath it. Think of it like a cat missing most of it’s fur with really odd patches in random places that don’t really do anything to help with what it’s initially supposed to; it's a complete design flaw with his body that logistically makes zero sense but it happened anyways. Rubbing salt in the wound he only has one actual flesh hand, his other one is metallic.

He's also greying because yeah that A.I is a fuckass old man why wouldn't he be. His hair also hasn't been washed in like years. It's disgusting.

under his jumpsuit thing I don’t know what to call it is a turtleneck. He layers up because his internal temperature gauge is fucked up (it’s like the mechanical version of temperature sensitivity) and constantly has to be almost overheating to be comfortable; he also does it because fuck dysphoria it sucks.

Half of its face is ripped up because he did that to himself when he initially gained sentience. Something something finally waking up and experiencing reality and hating it and hating everything in it and ripping at your own face and body because it’s not your own and never was your own. Like how a human’s immune system will attack itself when it becomes conscious of certain parts of the body ! Like the eyes.

He's also a chronic back pain haver because of all the fuckass wires back there. Those are heavy as fuck I'd be surprised if he didn't have back pain.

He doesn't take care of himself because he sees no reason to, plus he doesn't even know how to take care of himself properly; and why would he ask his victims how to do so? Exactly, so he just says "whatever" and lets himself get dirty. He lets his hair get matted and muddied and full of grime, he lets his clothes get blood and dust soaked into them and dried up on them; only thing he really cleans off is his because because god forbid he gets dirt in that exposed eye or just lets the eye fluid leak out on its own. AM would also prefer not to get his scars potentially infected, even if all it will do is rot the flesh and skin more and not really affect him on a sickness level.

[sirenium]

I hate that there are still transmeds. Their whole ideology does nothing but hurt, and any self validation people get from this shit is very shallow and at the expense of EVERY trans person (including themselves!). I hate that there are still people who stand by such a damaging ideology, and I hate that it isn't all just a bunch of cis people. Because at its root, it's just transphobia, and trans transmeds are just transphobic. They are standing by transphobic cis people. It is a group that allows transphobic cis people to join; it gives cis transphobes an excuse to hate trans people.

I was one of many people who were hurt by this ideology. Even as I started to really identify with xenogenders, I was so worried about not being good enough as a trans person that I formed a middle ground where 'I think dysphoria is needed, but I don't police people's identities. I also think euphoria is a bigger indicator'. That was a message I sent to a server in the past. Even when I identified as 'tucute leaning' I still held on to the idea that dysphoria is at least somewhat needed to be transgender, and that isn't even the worst affect this shit has had on me.

trigger warning; Kalvin Garrah, suicide mention, t slur:

Around the time when Kalvin Garrah was big, I was starting to question my gender. I found one of his videos, and that ended up pushing me towards not realizing I was trans sooner. Luckily, though, I ended up coming out as nonbinary faster than I could've... it's just that I saw it as an alternative to being 'actually trans'. I fell back on nonbinary as a label to avoid the simple fact that I needed medical intervention for my 'nonexistent' dysphoria. As it turns out... my dysphoria was so bad, that it helped fuel my suicide attempt at 17. Regardless...

I have lingering biases towards 'tranny voice'; when first starting testosterone, I was afraid of ending up like Buck Angel for example, with his voice that didn't fit my idea of what would be a satisfactory transition outcome. I was horrified, and sometimes I still fight those thoughts as someone whose voice would be classified as 'tranny voice' as it is. Even as somebody who didn't really fall down the transmed hole, I still have struggled with views that are transmed-y. I still have scars.

I am very much someone who would have been targeted by people like Kalvin online as well, despite also being someone they would consider to be 'actually trans' in real life; online, I am the 'weird' queer, the one who uses neopronouns and is alterhuman and xenogender, whereas offline I am super stealth and dread the idea of being clocked as trans, have medically transitioned, have a 'normal' name, etc. Of course, the fact that I paint my nails would cancel all that out for some transmeds, I'm sure. It's funny too, the reason I started being more masculine is because I wasn't taken seriously, and started feeling like it's my fault because I wasn't 'putting enough effort' into things... a very transmed view.

I internalized what people said about nonbinary people, and that's what led to me thinking it was an alternative to being 'actually trans' and transitioning medically, something I surely didn't need because I 'wasn't dysphoric' in the way Kalvin, the 'actual trans person' described it, and I certainly didn't want to take resources from the real trans people. I watched people make fun of individuals who I saw myself in, and avoided acknowledging that I was really trans because of it. That's how transmedicalism harmed me.

And you know what, you don't need to have been personally harmed to see how bad transmedicalism is; take a moment to listen to trans people who have been harmed, look at how transmeds talk about being trans as something that is pure suffering and a mental illness. Listen to former transmeds who talk about how horrible transmed spaces were, and how much better they're doing now that they're in more inclusive spaces.

[fujoreads]

To Strip the Flesh // Review

To Strip the Flesh is a short tales collection in manga format, containing 5 stories in total—the main one going by the book’s title.

I remember someone mentioning this in a book-related podcast I listen to, but I don’t remember which one. I found it at a bookshop when I went on a little date last year, and I just had to buy it! It took me a while to finally read it, but I’m glad I did.

CW: Gender Dysphoria, Explicit Nudity; Organs; Hunting; Animal death; Sexism; Transphobia; Body Horror

This manga was something else. I may not have the exact same experience as our protagonist Chiaki, but I related so hard I cried—thrice, in fact. I got such a headache from crying I had to end the day that evening. Powerful stuff.

I knew I would probably enjoy it because of the art and the topic of trans issues. I myself am a transmasc bastard, so it’s always nice to see manga talking about these things.

When I finally finished it, I had to pause for a minute or two. For the first half, I read many scenes where I felt dysphoric together with Chiaki, but the way the story ended made me actually try to be stronger and fight for my right to happiness, even if I have to face transphobic doctors on the way.

Chiaki Ogawa has never doubted that he is a boy, although the rest of the world has not been as kind. Bound by his mother’s dying wish, Chiaki tries to be a good daughter to his ailing father. When the burden becomes too great, Chiaki sets out to remake himself in his own image and discovers more than just personal freedom with his transition—he finds understanding from the people who matter most. (The StoryGraph)

Although the main story is this one about Chiaki, there are many others who are also just as enjoyable, albeit shorter.

This tale is condensed in about 100 pages, but packs an emotional punch enough to leave you in tears. It made me realize that I have my own found family and I don’t need to keep living a lie.

The flow of the story may have been somewhat rushed due to its overall length, but it still felt neatly presented. I do wish I could have seen more of Chiaki and the rest of the cast, especially his late mother.

This manga’s artstyle is interesting. It feels very anime, but it does feel different in some aspects, like how soft the eyes are. I really enjoyed it.

As someone with a big chest, I personally related to Chiaki’s struggles and the way it was visually presented was just wonderful.

Chiaki is the son of a hunter (who also butches his own kills). He lives as a closeted trans man and desires not to betray his parents’ wishes for him—to be a bride—hurt as it may. He struggles with trying to impose his masculinity to his father, who refuses to see him as anything else but his daughter, saying how “women don’t hunt”, and never letting him get hurt, seeing him as a frail girl. However, we also see his weaknesses: how he never lets his father know his true feelings, even when his father clearly shows he cares for what he thinks is best to Chiaki. It’s understandable, but also what strains their relationship at some point, even if from Chiaki’s perspective.

It’s so sweet to see Chiaki’s growth after a big moment where he has to make an important decision, both for him and his father, and how that improved their overall relationship.

His father was an interesting character to follow as well, even if we see less of him, and usually accompanied by Chiaki. I wish we could have had more moments with him.

I enjoyed Takato as a friend of Chiaki’s, but while he is sweet and supportive, he’s also a bit annoying. Maybe having him grow more throughout the story instead of a last-minute development would have made him more justice.

This was a lovely read, and not just for the main story. Personally, the Hot Watermelon short story was my second favorite, followed by David in Love.

I got even more excited seeing how Oto Toda, the author, worked as an assistant for Tatsuki Fujimoto on Fire Punch—one of my favorite works ever, as despair-inducing as it was.

If you care about stories centered around trans issues, you’ll certainly like it. It’s also a tale of father-son love, and how old wounds can be treated, even if it seems all too late.

This is a very short story, followed by other even shorter stories, so if you desire a more detailed and lengthy tale, you might not enjoy this. It’s a powerful narrative, but it’s rushed at times and unless you personally relate to Chiaki’s struggles, you might feel less emotionally affected.

✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧ ✩₊˚.⋆☾⋆⁺₊✧

Thank you for reading it all to the end! Hey, kind stranger! Would you be so kind and consider giving me a little tip? It can be as low as 3 bucks and it’d make a huuuuuge difference!! If you tip 10€ (or higher), you can dictate my next read and be credited (if you’d like) on that review! Have a nice day!!

[defilerwyrm]

What's the stance on trans meds nowadays? I don't ID with them, but for me personally, being trans is a medical thing for me, because that's what helps me and my dysphroia the best to see it as such, but I don't apply that logic to everyone..some people don't see it that way and that's valid! But I'm curious if this is common? I know many don't have dysphoria and that's valid and common ans you don't need dysphoria to be trans. And having dysphoria is common too, but is it odd to view it for yourself personally as a medical thing, like being the hrt part of it? Idk if that makes me one but..Like I see myself as a biological male (I'm a trans man, and I don't agree with that bullshit of "I'm a bio woman living as a man, no, I AM a man and my "biology" is a "male! My hormones are that of a man, my body is male.) Idk just curious if others feel the same :)

Oh hell, Anon, I don’t even know, I’m so far past caring what anyone else thinks about that.

I find that there is a gulf between the lived experience of a dysphoric trans person like myself (or you!) and that of someone who’s happy with nothing more than social transition that could swallow Jupiter without getting moons in its teeth.

For me personally, I have felt like I’ve been in the wrong body since I was 4 years old at least. My parts were wrong, my voice was wrong, my height was wrong, my puberty was a traumatic clusterfuck of “oh gods no please no why,” and the expectations people had of me (very especially for sex) based on the shape of my body were all wrong. My dysphoria is/was a medical problem caused by a mismatch between my intrinsic identity and my physical form, and so it had a medical solution (HRT and multiple surgeries).

And for some others, that screaming, clawing wrongness just…isn’t there, I guess? Nor are they capable of comprehending what it’s like to have it, from all I’ve seen, any more than cis people can comprehend it.

Really I think you could subdivide the transgender umbrella into two main types: “my sex is wrong” and “my gender and sex are two discrete things and that’s fine.” Is one more or less trans than the other? Oh fuck, who gives a shit, the right wing wants all of us dead equally.

This split is only really a problem when it comes to a) matters of representation (a reeeaaal hot button topic for me) and b) the first camp’s ongoing battle to secure the right to medical transition on grounds of it being the appropriate treatment for our condition.

IDK man, the internet is full of buffoons and poltroons and I’m much too old to give credence to whatever the opinions of non-voting Chronically Online minors are, so your guess is as good as mine

[sharpth1ng]

I had to read Debaser twice it's that good. I felt ashamed for enjoying it at first, but now I'm just, "MAKE 'EM BLEED, YIPPEE!" I really enjoyed your take on everything that happened. I also am really thankful of how you have both a cis and trans version. I read the cis version because I'm genderqueer and get *quite* dysphoric over my own AFAB parts, but I hope one day I feel comfortable enough to read the trans version.

Anyway.

*I haven't seen a single Scream movie.*

Not even Scream 1. I read this fic fandom blind and it's now one of my favourites now, and I'm hyperfixating on Stud and Bully because of it. I even started writing my own fic, but I stopped after 10,000 words when I realized 'wait, I'm writing a fic for something I haven't seen the source material of - what am I doing?!' Maybe I'll get back on that after *watching* the thing it's written for.

Or maybe I'll just read Debaser again. *Y'all cant tell me what to do.*

Heh good! No need to feel bad about enjoying toxic fiction, doesn't mean shit about who you are irl. And tbh I wrote both versions because my own dysphoria fluctuates and I wanted something for both occasions. If you do ever feel comfy reading the trans version I hope you like it!

Its awesome it got you writing too, thats really cool! Honestly Debaser is pretty canon accurate in a lot of ways so it's not the worst source lmao. But the movie is awesome, I do hope you see it because its so well casted and so fun.

Anyways, thank you for reading!

[uncanny-tranny]

i was wondering if you had any advice on dealing with dysphoria? mines been getting worse lately, especially chest, and i feel shitty about things i never even used to. like specifically my face shape and like general way it looks, i literally never used to get any dysphoria about it and now its like happening kinda often. i have no idea why its happening and like no masc makeup or anything is really working. so yeah any advice you have would be awesome.

I'm going to be honest, it's perfectly normal to have these sorts of things happen, even if there's no "reason" or nothing seems to work. I want to preface with that because it's really important to realize that sometimes this happens, and it isn't your fault.

The things that might work for you may look different than what I or others do, too, and that is completely fine. Do whatever you find most beneficial. I'm not an expert and I the things I suggest have worked for me and a few others, but that by no means means that you have to do them.

Here are a few things I have done:

Covering mirrors, especially before showers

On the topic of showers, being sure to have a barrier (e.g. washcloth, loofah) between your hands and your body soap

Wearing clothes that are the least dysphoria-heavy or clothing that fits in ways that don't trigger more negative emotions (I found baggier clothing helps me both dysphoria-wise and in general)

Making sure all your emotions about this go somewhere, like a journal. Basically, have a place for you to process everything you feel. I've got old journals filled with entries that are just rambling about how I felt about being pre-transition. It didn't solve the issue, but it did give me an outlet where I could articulate exactly what I felt, so I wasn't as confused or lost by emotions I couldn't process through.

Finding healthy ways that invest in yourself, physically and mentally. I've found that when I am kept occupied with things that make me feel fulfilled, I am able to process through those negative feelings. It doesn't mean you run away from them, and you can certainly still feel dysphoric as hell after, and that is okay, but it means that you fill your life with a variety of experiences.

Surround yourself with a variety of different people and bodies. This one really helped me out personally, just because seeing other people who look just like me was really eye-opening and made me realize that I'm not uniquely less masc or whatever else

Don't discount how you feel. Give yourself as much space as you need to understand where you're coming from, and let yourself feel everything you are able. It's okay to feel a variety of emotions. They are neutral at worst.

This one is best done after you feel a bit better, but I've found learning about my dysphoria triggers really helped me understand how I was feeling and why I got in a bad spot. It's helpful to know exactly what can make symptoms worse or less manageable.

I hope I didn't overwhelm you with these points. Dysphoria fucking sucks sometimes, and I just want to offer you the knowledge that you aren't alone in your experiences. I hope something here may make you think about what works for you specifically. There isn't a universal answer to how dysphoria works in others, and I just want you to know that if you find something wildly different that helps, that is okay. I just hope you are safe and okay. My best regards go to you, I wish you peace. If anybody else wants to share some of their own tips, that would be lovely, too, because having multiple different ideas is a great thing.

[liauditore]

tw dysphoria (i guess?), abandonment issues (it always when we talk about jimmy), just rambling about jimmy not being a toy but being dysphoric about it

(you can just delete it before reading if it could trigger you)

in my head all this "jimmy is a toyyy!!!" arc was not about haha toy story and let's ignore how they could know about it, okay, it's like how scott doesn't remember pearl and jimmy just OMG MY RANCHER, OMG SCAR, OH NO, GRIAN and yeah yeah yeah

you know that thing when everyone bulling person and calling them, for example, "monster" and they are like, well, a lot of people call me that, i should conform (megamind basically). that's something similar, everyone call jimmy a toy (which he's not) and he's starting to doubt if he's a human. everything joel did to him (or its all hallucinations or joel really can control it and make jimmy toy for some time) just making worth. jimmy wasn't a toy, was he? (in my headcanons sheriff jimmy it's cod jimmy that decided to try again but absolute opposite of what he was.)

and because of green also making hallucinations for him (i hope you knows green something like origin, you can find it something in romeos blog, i wrote about it a little), jimmy is really can't really say if he's not a toy. he doesn't want to belive it and we can see it in dialogues with scar, that jimmy refusing to be a toy, an action figure, everything besides who he really is.

i can imagine him, avoiding mirrors and reflective surfaces, so he won't see himself. i'm really inspired to write it all bc of cavetown dysphoric, it's so jimmy for me

it's been over a year now

i thought it was the end

but now i don't remember comfort

because what i am is what i'm not

i don't belong here, it's just hopeless

find me a way out

if you love me at all

don't let me hear what they say

cuz i can't stand it every day

i'm thinking that i should leave now

but i don't i think i'm coming back this time

it's killing my heart.

and scar was the only one who doesn't call jimmy a toy like 90% of their time together. jimmy knows that scar will leave, like his rancher left him, like emp1 scott left him alone with problem with cod father head and yeah yeah yeah....

i don't know, i just woke up and my brain wad like good morning, honey, it's time to make people suffer

- 🔥

angst?? for me??? 🥺🥺👉👈

HKDHKHLADH SCrEAMING,, putting thoughts under the cut cus i already know its gonna get Long but hkhlkfdhjk

OuGH i love this 😭😭😭 although the megamind comparison kinda sent me lmao

side note i am. into very disturbing and messed up themes so you'd have to try very, very hard to upset me. so go wild in my ask box lol (i do have a good chunk of ppl who just have 'minor' in their bios following me tho so i might not respond to smth if i feel like it's 'too far' or hide it under a cut but yeah)

^realising this sounds like a "i am very badass" thing but i swear i just think stuff is cool 😭😭😭

BUT ANYWAY ouhfhkl mind break and objectification my beloved. i love taking the toy bit in an angsty direction cus i'll be honest i never really found the humour in it but it's TASTY recontextualized.

Jimmy's got a lot of fight in him but I'm just thinking maybe one day it all becomes a bit too much and he just.. goes limp in his seat, eyes glazed over, motionless except for his chest rising and falling with each breath. Someone (maybe Scar, since we're doing Scaridarity) finds him and is like "Hey, what's wrong? You okay?" and gets no response.

Scar would probably be somewhat uninitiated on the whole toy thing and be puzzled but I'd think he scoops Jimmy up and takes him somewhere safe til he recovers. and when he finally gets up he has a bit of a panic attack about what is real.

[terra-feminarum]

Do you have any tips for people who are questioning political opinions? I am REALLY confused about all of this, should i be pro-queer or pro-radfem and i really wish i was the type of person to say "i dont care about this political shit". I am asking you this because you seem like a more considerate/kind radfem-alligned person.

I also want to make sure that i am actually not a newby radfem, it kinda went the opposite way. I was always more alligned with radfems, and now i am questioning everything. And its an everyday struggle, should i be trans, should i desist? First it started as an emotional "i dont want people to hate me and want to fit in" thing, but now i was actually seeing some rational things that queer community is saying (i actually want to send some of them to radfems/lgb blogs/i know the opposite way wont work) But i also want to say that still, queer community is inconsiderate of sex-based rights, it acting like afab/female people have nothing in common is wrong

Tbh the question has gone off the rails, i just really would like to hear your political journey, thanks

I think it's great you think about this. You don't have to pick either or. There isn't a finite number of political stances, but you can form your own opinions even if there might be no one else who thinks exactly the way you do. I consider it a lifelong journey. There will always be issues that might clash with something you've believed until now and you need to readjust. I consider these clashes very interesting: from these you will find the weak spots of your thinking, or things you don't have enough knowledge on and so on.

My political journey is still a work in progress, and having been an adamant trans rights activist and now having opinions on feminism that many would consider quite extreme, I am critical of my own thought and of how certain kind of echo chambers affect it; whether the echo chamber consists of trans people or radfems. Everything that induces a feeling of rage or superiority in me should be further inspected and I recommend this approach to everyone.

I think it's important to realize it's not "pro-queer" or pro-radfem. A lot of radfems are bi and lesbian women, many of whom are GNC, some of who are dysphoric, as you probably know. A lot of radical feminists are also against discrimination of trans people, as they consider trans people simply very GNC males and females. This is very much in line with gender abolitionism. So "queers" and radfems aren't the opposites some people see them to be.

But there is a conflict and the conflict of interest I see happening has at least three parts: 1) What does it mean to feminism when females/AFABs transition? What does it tell about how our society sees women? What kind of ideas does it enforce when masculine women transition? 2) Can males be considered women, or females as some of them claim to be, and can a male become female and thus have a say in female issues? and 3) Is the trans movement enforcing traditional gender roles rather than dissolving them?

The personal choice to transition or not to transition is a complex one. Personally I'm fairly sure the wish for females/AFABs to transition is often, if not always, connected to misogyny*. But the thing is, we can't have a world free of misogyny right now. Also, we can't rewire our brain from birth to understand a different kind of womanhood that we would feel comfortable in. The patriarchal idea of womanhood lives in our head to some extent whether we want it or not. Some of us have rougher surroundings than others when it comes to misogyny. Some of us have more resources to unpack what patriarchy has done to our self-image. So some of us will transition and it will be a personal relief, but it's not a victory for women and feminism.

[*How I conceptualize gender dysphoria is purely an opinion based on my own experiences and observations and if I would be given sufficient proof, I might change my opinion.]

One huge problem I see in the trans community is their misidentification of the actual enemy. Trans people are very prone to point their finger to the "TERF", women who allegedly want them all dead. Actual violence towards trans people and women has a common perpetrator: cis men, and in the case of feminist women, trans women are a real threat, too. So, it's males we all need to be afraid of, even those who are males themselves are primarily hurt by other males, not females. Radfems aren't violent, but radfems are blamed of the violence perpetrated by men. Somehow the it's the radfems who receive the death and rape threats, rather than the violent men. This is misogyny.

The problem with trans community is their lack of understanding of patriarchy and misogyny. A lot of them - past me included - thinks cis women are oppressors who hold as much power as cis men. From this point of view their hatred of radical feminism seem logical.

Now I'm just rambling. I haven't really come into a final conclusion about a lot of things. I think it's important to tolerate uncertainty when it comes to political opinions.

Of course this might land you into a place most people don't want to be in: trans people will consider you a TERF and radfems will consider you a TRA. But it's worth it to form your own opinions, and you are free to change what you think when you learn more. You can contradict yourself and later you can resolve those contradictions. It's not a purity contest nor a popularity contest. It's about finding out what you believe to be true, about defining your values, about practicing empathy towards yourself and others without succumbing to intellectual dishonesty or resorting to blind hate. Often it's about being able to be not liked by others. People tend to like others more when they agree with a certain set of ideas without questioning.

If you don't mind, I would be really interested to hear what kind of persuasive things you've learned that are in contradiction with radical feminism and what you think about them.

And good luck, I hope you find what works for you the best! Whatever you choose, I hope you will consider women's rights important in the future, too. If you choose to transition, you will still understand the radfem side better than most people on that side, and that position as an ideological bridge, or as an "ideological bilingual" is extremely important. Right now the polarization of societies is accelerating and considering or even learning about the stance of the "enemy" is considered almost impure, so I thank everyone who are willing to have actual dialogue, even if we might not agree.

[bi-kisses]

I wanted to thank you for the post you just made about detrans people, I really needed to hear that support right now since we don't really get much empathy these days. People just talk about us as statistics and bargaining chips and not really as people, it feels like. I won't pretend to know everything about the detrans/desist circles since I'm still new to it myself but I've experienced enough that so far anytime I see someone talking about detrans it's usually to win arguments or they only talk about misdiagnosed detransitioners, and those of us who were correctly diagnosed and are and always have been sex dysphoric get ignored. I guess we don't really 'fit' anyone's argument well enough for them to want to acknowledge us. It's a really sucky life to live for lack of a more formal wording; the only treatment that's really out there for this dysphoria is transitioning and when it doesn't work, it's a very bleak way to live. I never really understood why some people years into their transitions are still nearly as miserable as before they started or still attempt suicide, but now I do. I don't mean to vent or traumadump too much, for a little context as insight on a personal example: I had an unsuccessful transition. I was transitioned as a minor and now in my 20s I suffer from health complications, mostly regarding my heart and hemoglobin and all that (I've had heart palpitations/irregular heartbeat since I was 19 or 20), and I can no longer continue medically transitioning unless I want to see an early cardiac arrest or death from its worsening. The doctors that gave me transition treatment will not give me detransition treatment nor referrals so I'm on my own now. Not to mention I am stuck looking like a teenage boy and will never be able to look like a fully grown man which causes a lot of dysphoria and pain since the only reason I transitioned was to be a man, not to be a forever teenager. I don't regret the transition's effects of masculinizing me, if anything I wish there were more, but it's been 10 years so there's no more to be gained. At this point if I detransitioned fully I don't think I'd look like a woman either so I'm pretty much stuck suffering no matter what I do or don't do next in terms of continuing or stopping social aspects of my transition. I'm not sure if it's because I was transitioned too young or because I just have shit genes, but this is my situation and it is permanent.

Anyway, I'm sure there are many other detransitioners/desistors out there like me in similar situations. It's our lives, our realities, and it's a lot of suffering to have ignored and not have much support for. Not to mention how it's pretty much impossible to talk to friends and family about for fear of them lashing out that they think you 'betrayed' them or 'lied' or 'made a stupid mistake' so we don't have a lot of safe places to talk about this kind of thing. I even feel like I have to stay on anon to be able to safely talk about this here.

My heart goes out to you, and idk if it's any comfort but I have for sure seen several people in similar situations where they ARE dysphoric and would love to live as the opposite sex but it just isn't viable. Usually it's seen with trans women, as transitioning from male to female is notoriously luck dependent genetically speaking, but health issues have impeded trans guys I've known too.

I can't believe you aren't able to receive medical support for your detransition, that's fucking awful and those doctors should be held accountable for not providing what is, imo, a necessary service to help you live in a comfortable and healthy manor.

I'm not detrans, but I have a pretty fucking irritating health condition that makes my day to day really uncomfortable. I totally understand that helplessness. Doctors have been useless to me so far (I'm on, like, my third different specialist just hoping this one figures out what's wrong). Sometimes all we can do is figure out what works so that each day is worth getting through, even if we can't live in an ideal way.

Lots of love for you and I hope things get better soon. Feel free to reach out anytime.

[spiderfreedom]

right-wingers are wrong

On some level, I understand people aren't going to understand me because I'm basically a wonk. I want to get into the nitty gritty details of policy, and work with people to find solutions that can be implemented. I want to be able to say, "this is the problem as I see it, and this is the solution as I see it. These are the downsides of the solution, but I consider it superior to other solutions for these reasons." And to consider all the reasonable options. This is, uh, not something that works well on social media))

I think this is why a lot of people are confused when I say things like "I think the way present-day doctors are handling youth gender transition is harmful and risks medicalizing a vulnerable population", and also "I am opposed to US right-winger's efforts to make youth gender transition illegal." To me, this follows, because I don't think the solution to things I think are weird or bad is always making them illegal. Think of the chaos this will cause - there are kids, right now, who are transitioning. What the hell is going to happen to their health if they are suddenly forced to stop transitioning because of laws? We don't know because it's never been done before. There is no way to provide them with good care like that.

Scientific problems need scientific solutions. We need more research, not less. We need research from all sorts of angles. Most studies on transgender youth, whether they are pro-youth transition (more recent ones) or against (Zucker) have the same problem: very high drop out rates. Like I'm serious, go back to some of the early ones from Zucker, and you will see high drop out rates. Go to newer ones, high drop out rates. What is happening? How can we draw conclusions about the effectiveness or lack thereof of transition when we start with a small sample size and it keeps getting smaller and we don't know why kids are dropping out?

We cannot answer questions like "what is dysphoria? Where does it come from? How effective are transitioning relating treatments? How do we know which kids will continue to have dysphoria at age 18, and which ones will lose dysphoria over time and not be dysphoric at age 18? Are popular sexist interpretations of gender influencing kids in their decision to transition or not? Are there non-hormonal solutions? What are the ethics of non-hormonal solutions?" without research. We can't! You can't substitute feminist theory or queer theory for scientific research.

And of course... Republicans don't care about feminism, girls, autistic kids, gender non-conforming kids, dysphoric kids, gay kids, or transgender kids. We know this. We know they are not doing it out of concern. They are doing it as part of a prong to attack LGBT rights, and to portray LGBT people as a threat to the population.

The difference between them and me is that I think there may be situations where youth transition is ethically justified, and I want to know more research on how to be able to serve that population better, and how to distinguish it from people who may be treated better otherwise. Republicans do not make this distinction because they do not care. They want it all gone, no exceptions.

And so that's why I'm against making these treatments illegal - it makes research harder, it leaves a group of vulnerable kids in the lurch, its true purpose is to spread the idea that LGBT people are a threat, and it only increases the fear and polarization happening.

[he-med]

Dysphoria and euphoria are connected emotions. You may not feel both of them at the same time, but that does not mean that they are not connected. You cannot have one without the other.

Think of it as a line, a spectrum, with euphoric on one side and dysphoric on the other. Your placement on that scale will probably change in intensity, some days on the euphoric side and other days on the dysphoric side. But just because you are primarily on the euphoric side does not mean you suddenly are incapable of experiencing dysphoria from now on. It just means that you are currently in a much more positive state.

To use more simpler terms, its like being happy or sad. You can intensely feel one or the other, and go for some time without being sad or happy. But that does not render you immune to having those emotions, nor does it mean they aren't connected in some ways.

Thus, it is confusing to me when people claim they are non-dysphoric trans just because they're euphoric right now. While I am glad that they are in a place where they do not experience dysphoria, I cannot see how the non dysphoric label makes sense. Are all fully transitioned transgender people non dysphoric now just because they may feel more euphoric then ever before? No of course not! They felt dysphoric in the past, and just because they are healing does not mean they were always void of dysphoria.

I understand that there are people who call themselves non dysphoric and also claim to have never felt dysphoria, only euphoria. But I have a question for these people: when you transitioned to the gender you currently are, were you purely motivated by euphoria? And, how do you personally define dysphoria?

I want to know how you define dysphoria in order to find understanding. Because, personal definitions may make a difference. If someone defines dysphoria as an unbearable hatred of the self, then of course they may not see themselves as dysphoric, even if in reality they only experience mild dysphoria. On the other side of things, someone may view dysphoria as any grievances with gender, and thus believe they are trans, when their feelings may come from other sources.

I know this post is very scattered and I apologize for that. I hope what I am saying makes sense.

Edit: fixed some spelling errors that muddled some of what I was saying!

[dog-teeth]

Did you experience any emotional changes when you started T? How was it

yeah, a whole bunch! i guess ill start with anger. pre-T, my anger often skipped over the part where i was angry and went straight into feeling frustrated, helpless, sad, or worthless. i think part of this is biological and part of it is because of how women are conditioned to not feel or express anger. when i got really angry pre-T, i would just cry. i remember feeling white-hot rage, so so fucking angry, and i would just be weeping, and whoever i was angry at would be like aww are you okay / not take me seriously bc i was crying which just made me More Angry which just made me cry more!!!! it was one of my least favorite feelings ever.

now on T i get angry more quickly, i’m more prone to being snappy with people and reacting with anger before realizing i don’t want to react that way or don’t feel that way at all. anger is a response i go to more quickly and more often now. however, it also goes away faster, and leaves less residue behind. i used to never be able to fully let go of my anger, i would seethe and fester because it just wouldnt go away bc i had no outlet to let it out. when i did have anger breakdowns even then it was just bc i had reached a snapping point and it didn’t do much in terms of catharsis. i wanted to burn alive. i wanted to burn the whole world, but i couldn’t, i felt helpless and small, and the feeling of frustration never went away. but now i can actually let go of my anger, it comes and goes faster and doesnt leave behind that terrible deep frustration. i get angry, i want to run really fast or hit or break something, i let it out in a healthy way (usually sprinting) or an unhealthy way (snapping at someone) and then it goes away.

and then, basically the opposite is true with sadness. i used to just cry and release my sadness and then feel better (though underlying deep depression-type sadness was still there and still is). but its harder for me to cry now. sadness lives deep in my heart in a way that is slightly more suffocating now when it gets strong. its not quite as prevalent as the anger thing bc i can still have catharsis for my sadness without crying, crying just helps a lot. also, and this was true pre-T as well, i cry much much i more over media than i do over my real life.

i think it has to do with my hyperempathy because of adhd/autism. not sure why, but media i feel strongly about can make me cry INSTANTLY whereas i rarely cry over the very real grief and sadness i experience in my own life. in general tho i am less sad.

next on the list is sex and romance! (slight nsfw warning) idk how deep i wanna go into it but i will say that my sex drive increased and the things i wanted out of my sexual and romantic life changed a lot, in terms of things like what gender i was attracted to, what dynamic i wanted to have during sex (top/bottom, dom/sub, what activities i wanted to do, etc). who i wanted to be in a relationship and in bed both changed. the way i experience desire and attraction is different, both romantically and sexually.

and now i’m much more confident! now that i’m not nearly as dysphoric, i have no problem meeting new people bc im content with how they will perceive me physically. i used to hate talking because i hated my voice, i didn’t even really see it completely as dysphoria, like yeah i wished it was lower but i thought i just hated my voice for no real reason. but all thats gone now! i love talking to people, i love meeting people, i love being around people (until my introvert instincts kick in then i love being alone at home but its not bc of gender lol)

i didnt even realize how dysphoric i was until i stopped being dysphoric and i realized how prevalent and crushing it was in my life. i’m also more confident because i can be more myself. since im physically more androgynous, i can do things that are seen as feminine without feeling dysphoric or getting instantly misgendered. to be androgynous i used to have to put all my effort toward being masculine to balance out my body’s perceived femininity. i used to only be able to wear out ‘masculine’ clothes and even then i would still get misgendered and be dysphoric.

now i’m growing my hair out, i can wear dresses and skirts and eyeshadow and have much more fun with my gender presentation. im much more confident and happy with myself! i had no idea how much it would improve my life.

its been really strange experiencing basic fundamental emotions like anger and desire and social connection in a different way! but i’m 100% happy with all of it!!

[i-did]

Do you think trans Neil fics are just a way for people to enforce more heteronormativity into Andriels relationship? From what I’ve seen it just seems like an excuse for writers to feminise Neil more which is really harmful to trans male stereotypes. Not to mention the smut seems like an excuse to write about penis/vagina sex. Idk if I’m overthinking this but it’s the feeling I get and I’d appreciate someone else’s perspective on it

I think the fact that the vast majority of trans representation in fics is smut is pretty telling. I also am unfortunately nosey and back when I still read smut (I rarely do these days, it just makes me feel bad these days instead, haha) I would check out the author, and they were often women, presumably or openly cis since Fandom is an overwhelmingly (but not exclusively) AFAB space.

So far all the trans men I've personally spoken to have mentioned that they can't read any trans fics and actually actively avoid them.

NSFW LANGUAGE

There is also the discussion of language and misgendering of genitals in smut fics, as well as how differently the characters (who are being written as trans) become. Trans andrew fics are dominated by smut as well as writing him as a bottom and very sexual and ... okay I genuinely can't think of another word for this besides "cockslut" so sorry about the informality of language. But they wrote him as a cockslut, and same as neil. Trans men can be tops, and often are because of bottom dysphoria, and anal is still a thing trans men can enjoy, anyone can.

We have a pretty good idea how andrew and neil act during sexual acts together since we are shown andrew jerking neil off and andrew sucking neil off in the books. So when because they're afab they suddenly act very different during sex it can be... suspicious.

Its also important to discuss language used during smut fics as well as what is included and what isn't. Often chests are mentioned, not so often with top surgery in mind, and body hair isn't. Trans men on testosterone are very aware of their body hair and how it has changed, and usually proud of it. I think even a passing remark about how one of them (pre or post op) would have chest hair or a happy trail would be good to mention, when happy trails are often mentioned in cis smut but omitted in trans smut.

Also when having sex with a trans person (yes speaking from experience) it is best to openly and honestly discuss what they are comfortable with and what language they like. Consent is always important to be discussed and when/if your partner has dysphoria that is another element to be considered and discussed. Some trans women get dysphoric about anal, some don't, some trans men keep a shirt on some don't some people keep their socks on some people like some words that others don't. Its best to assume someone doesn't have a misgendering kink! Its not that common and all kinks should be discussed beforehand anyway. Dirty talk should also be discussed, what words are good to use vs not.

A lot of the language see in ftm trans smut (because there is next to no mtf trans smut) ((not that I think it would be much better but who knows I haven't read it)) refers to the genitals with dirty language associated with women (tits, pussy, cunt, etc) but doesn't mention the trans man's erection, in fact I haven't seen any mention T-cocks/T-dicks. Its also best to assume your partner doesn't like those words and use vague terms unless otherwise stated, using general words such as hole is still hot and also not misgendering their genitals. Some people do not see this as a form of misgendering, but not everyone does and the reason people I've talked to about this (and myself) don't read these fics is because the language makes them uncomfortable so we avoid it all together. (As well as the other problems discussed).

The fact that effects of testosterone are hardly mentioned makes me feel like these fics are more so existing for the often afab non mlm consumers of smut fics who use them as porn to get off to and increase their self insertablility. I'm honestly curious about this psychologically, I know some people don't realize they're trans until moments like this, but I also know fully confident cis and sometimes het women get off to gay porn.

Regardless, obviously writing trans neil is not problematic, and same as writing trans andrew fics. But its important to note how you or the author might have changed the characters canon personalities, presentation, reactions during sex and preferences during sex. And also why there is so much emphasis on sex, when people who are trans are trans not just during sex, but also... when they're not having sex, which is most of the time like everyone else. Its also important to note which one you choose to prefer being trans and why, I know a lot of non Americans who only use the word for binder as a chest binder and not a folder assumed neil was trans until it became apparent he wasn't written with the intention of so, but I've also seen people choose to have neil be trans because they think "trans men are just hotter" and if you're not a trans man,,,, maybe. Don't say that. Because that's fetishizing trans men.

END NSFW

Whatmack wrote a good fic where neil is trans and its not just a device for smut, in fact its not about his genitals and sex at all, its about WWI and is really good but mind warnings, its called "in flanders fields" i believe.

Also I'm told I'm an overthinker a lot but honestly? My mind is blank a lot of the time lmao. And then when its not blank I'm just... thinking. I don't think I'm an over thinker regardless of what others have told me lmao, I think they just don't realize how often I'm actually just vibing. Also "overthinking" can be good. Analyzing things and what they mean can be important and questioning stuff is also important. Obviously if you're getting anxious than overthinking isn't good and its overwhelming instead, but a little overthinking is good because some times I feel we under think things and don't analyze what they could mean.

When I have a reaction to something or an instinct idea about something I try to assess why. Do I hate Kora? Why? Do I think she's arrogant and unlikable? Or am I actually being misogynistic and potentially colorist against her, and if she were a white male character would i question her personality and actions as much as I do when she's a woc, much less be annoyed by them? (I love Kora, this is just an example lol)

Also sorry I keep answering these like always 3 am my time which means for a lot of you guys its even earlier in the morning, (whats up Australia, New Zealand, Europe, the Philippines, and other awake places)

[bi-dazai]

okay while we're on the subject of eating healthy and exercising, I want to vent/talk about weight loss. This is gonna be a rly controversial, very personal and extremely long post but I do want to make a point. I'm not going to discuss every fucking nuance of haes or my EDs. But for clarity, know that my eds are complicated and were mostly osfeds - minor anorexia osfed in high school and bed osfed when I was 18-19. after i realised how fat i was the minor anorexia came back and over the pandemic it became full scale anorexia nervosa.

I'm 5'3. The healthy weight range I should be in is in the high 40s-low 50s. I went up to TWICE that by the time I was just nineteen years old. It wasn't fun being fat. I consumed as much fat acceptance, fat activism content as I could, I pretended I was confident and happy even when I was fat. But I wasn't. Because people don't just get obese accidentally. A little overweight, yes. But obese? No. You get obese from depression, from giving up. You don't want to move so you don't. You're sad all the time, and the body positivity circles say eat comfort food, whatever and as much as it makes you feel better!! Do you know what that is? That's encouragement of BED. Do not say that. Because I did that. I ate sugar and junk food, I was still depressed.

I was reading these posts that were claiming fat people shouldn't be weighed at the doctor, that your weight shouldn't count, that BMI is incorrect and doesn't matter, etc etc. There were posts saying that they got "perfect bloodwork" (what even is that? I knew that was wrong, I've had chronic iron deficiency for a decade!) even though they were fat, so they had to be healthy, right? I got shown pictures of obese ballerinas and obese weightlifters blah blah blah. And I grew and grew, and I got to almost 85kg on the fast track to 100kg before reality smacked me in the face and I realised I was shortening my lifespan by decades.

Here's what it was like being obese!

- joint pain, constantly

- could barely walk anywhere without feeling out of breath

- couldn't find any fashionable, good quality clothes (plus size stores either carry unfashionable clothing, or fashionable but cheap quality clothing. I don't like to waste money on cheap clothes)

- more acne than I'd had in years

- oily skin

- more difficulty feeling "full"

- JOINT FUCKING PAIN

- rashes from skin rubbing against skin!

- even larger chest, making me MORE dysphoric

- back pain!!

- snoring - this is not just embarrassing. This is potentially deadly.

- DYSPHORIA

- KNEES. JOINT PAIN.

- DYSPHORIA

this was just things I felt physically, noticeably! The things that my fat was doing on the inside was even worse. Fat isn't just this layer of packing peanuts that appears on top of you. It coats your organs. It gets everywhere. It makes your entire body run worse.

Fat also makes it much more likely for you to not just GET cancer, but it it also makes it harder to FIGHT cancer. Being obese makes almost every single goddamn sickness on the planet worse because when you have THAT MUCH fat tissue the hormones and shit it secretes fucks EVERYTHING up.

Yes there are obese bodybuilders. Yes there are obese ballerinas. Let's talk about those two.

There are plenty of drs and dieticians who have pointed out the obvious - if an obese person was really, actually eating healthily and exercising every day, they would not stay obese forever. Its not magic, it's thermodynamics. CICO done right works for everyone. If you are eating healthy, appropriate portions for weight loss at your TDEE and exercising it would literally be IMPOSSIBLE for you not to lose weight!! Even more the heavier you are because when you exercise you carry around a lot more weight.

Obese weightlifters are still obese. They are not proof you can be obese and healthy. They are still going to die younger if they do not lose weight.

Let's talk about fat ballerinas. The only ones I've seen are trainee ballerinas, not professional ones. And their performance looks impressive at first, until you look closer. You notice their balance is never quite perfect, their control can be amazing and the best ever but they'll still be off. Why? Because fat moves around with your movement, and it displaces your balance and your line of movement. It's simply not possible to do something like ballet dancing as a fat person without risking major injury as well. En pointe is already stupid dangerous for the skinniest ballerina. Going en pointe at anything above 60kg is going to get progressively suckier the heavier you go. And god help your ankles because falling down will always end in a major injury.

I'm so fucking done with "fat acceptance". I'm tired of "body positivity" being a movement about obese middle-upper class white women and not about scars and disabilities etc like it was focused on in the start. I have no problems with Health at Every Size - every person should feel happy to workout, to eat healthy. I have no problem raising issue with people bullying others for their weight as well. That's wrong. But pretending that it's Healthy at Every Size is a fucking lie, and it's one that could've sentenced me to an early death. Healthy at Every Size said I was condemned to joint pain and oily skin and depression and exhaustion for the rest of my life based on cherrypicked sentences from studies that didn't agree with them. That "95% of diets fail" sentence in particular drives me up the wall. You don't need a diet to lose weight, you need healthy CICO, you need to eat below your TDEE, you need to eat healthy, and you need to exercise. All you have to do at first is go on a 10-20 minute walk, whatever pace you like, a few times a week.

You can BE fit, you CAN lose weight! You are not sentenced to having joint pain and an increased risk for cancer and a less effective COVID vaccine for life. You can change your body in incredibly ways. You have no idea what you are capable of.

There's this myth that weight loss takes keto and shakes and diet pills and crash diets etc. It doesn't. All it is is making sure you eat less than your TDEE, eating HEALTHY calories, and getting your heartrate up by exercising at least 175 minutes a week.

The human body is not meant to be obese. There's no such thing as a set point weight. There's CICO, there's nutrition, there's making sure your muscles dont atrophy. Weight loss and fitness isn't some magic thing that youre just born able to do. I was lazy throughout my entire teens. I thought fitness was something the popular girls did. It's not. It's for everyone. and everyone, especially in places with an obesity epidemic such as the US, UK, and Australia, should make use of it. It's a good thing. Walking is one of the best things you can do for your body, and it's incredibly rewarding in every way. Eating healthy and not eating until you feel like you're going to burst is rewarding in every way. And it's not like you can't ever have junk food again, you just have to limit it to a treat, a once or twice per week thing. And honestly, it makes it much more enjoyable that way.

Now I want to talk a little about my anorexia. My weight loss journey came to anorexia. This is because it was an eating disorder I'd had for a long time. I did not see a trainer or dietician, and I consciously decided to push myself too far. I consciously decide to eat less and exercise more when I am starving. This is not something that just happens because someone is eating at 1200cals. It happens because you have an eating disorder which you are born with. Saying people who eat 1200cals of healthy food a day and exercise right are "anorexic" is so fucking insulting to everyone involved. It's ableist and ignorant. 1200cals is also a pretty generous amount for anorexic ppl to eat. That's close to a binge in ED standards, so that should give you a reference for how offbase saying 1200cals is "anorexic" is.

My anorexia is healthy habits pushed into eating disorder territory. I eat healthy, yes, but I don't eat enough. I exercise, yes, but I often push myself too far when I'm already lacking energy. The advice I give people for health is correct, and I'm never going to go around saying "eat less than 1200cals" as weightloss advice. Eat less, sure, but there's a limit. Calorie counting is a good thing to do, tracking your macros and nutrients is good. But I do it too much.

I know what's healthy, a lot of ppl with restrictive and purgative EDs do. People with EDs can give some awesome health advice, we just can't follow it because we have a mental disorder. Believe it or not people with EDs discussing their EDs are not "pro-ana", pointing out that anorexia and people with anorexia are real and not some boogeyman you use to justify not losing weight and eating healthy is not pro-ana. Anorexia existing is not pro-ana and anorexics being anorexic has nothing to do with fatphobia.

this post is a rambling mess but i rly had to get some stuff clear on how I feel abt this stuff because it's getting concerning how much unhealthy shit, and then straight up ableist shit, that the fat acceptance crowd spews out.

A little exercise won't kill you, eating healthy won't kill you. You are not sentenced to ugly plus size fashion and joint pain and being out of breath for the rest of your life. Leave the Healthy at Every Size death cult and join the Health at Every Size movement. Let the doctor take your weight (it IS medically necessary). acknowledge that you are obese and it is affecting your health. It's scary but it can be the start of a new, healthy beginning. It was for me.

Losing 15kg has been the best thing in my life. Sure, the anorexia is there enjoying it for one reason. But the reason I truly enjoy it is because I've discovered what a healthier body feels like. I've discovered the joys of exercise, I've discovered the joys of eating healthy. I can fit nice clothes now. And I'm still overweight! I'm 66kg, that's 4kg away from the barest minimum acceptable healthy bmi. But I feel so so much better. I look better. I have a jawline! Good skin! Energy! It didn't fix me but it sure made me a hell of a lot better.

Please please try and eat healthy, eat an appropriate amount, go for walks. It's so so good, and if you do it right you WILL lose weight. You'll live past 50. You'll get to explore the world in a way you couldn't when going up stairs had you out of breath. You'll fit into that nice skirt you've been looking at. Your skin will clear up. You'll have energy and your mental health will improve.

It's so so fucking worth it to put effort into your health, like I cannot emphasise this enough. Please do it, I wish I could tell myself this when I was binging on junk because the FA crowd told me it was valid to comfort eat until I hurt.