#not to project but i'm crying like a fucking baby. this is what the entire last year was like for me this is all that it was

[jooyeone]

x

[kazimirovich]

all i can say forever

i'm jewish. as a child i moved from a rural town where my family saw acts of rage and hate, emigrated from a country with a horrifying history with jews. you know the one, though there are many. i'm 31 now and i have seen and experienced antisemitism my whole life, in the many places i've lived, to varying degrees. not that i should need to qualify this before everything i have to say - but i know what that looks and feels like. in my life there have been times at which i have been in danger. i choose to stay out of danger in all the ways i was taught. (part of that is not moving into someone else's house uninvited (more in a sec))

(well-meaning?) people want me to have a relationship with israel. they are very invested in assuming i have some connection to this shifting space, this project. they associate my german jewishness with a place i have never been and never felt. home, for me, is the uncle i haven't seen in too long, the ailing brother of my mother, the same red nose. it's fresh sheets hung over dry summer grass, it's bavarian farmland, it's thick liptauer on pumpernickel bread warmed over the wood stove. it's my grandmother's dining room and rough fenceposts, borders we disrespected as kids. home is also here and there and where my family is, where my friends are, where i've built myself.

in a geopolitical sense, it is clear that the antisemitic position is to sequester jews into a partitioned state conceived of by non-jews after the sunset of our most recent attempted decimation. antisemitic, to tell jews "move here, be at home in this space of constant war. impose war on others. fight for a tenuous link to an ancestry you've never seen or studied." in a religious sense, sort of a key feature of judaism since the second exile is that - we're in exile. this is an orthodox argument, but i have to admit that rabbinical discourse is pretty convincing. the secular establishment of the israeli state in an attempt to accelerate any so-called redemption has left us at a point where i really don't know what hope we have for that to occur. if you believe in god, how can you believe they are looking down at us, impressed

because beyond theoretical or spiritual reasons, the bloodlust, the vengefulness, the racism, the violation of law (i know that laws are agreed upon, are broken all the time by those who grant themselves impunity), the evil of this continuance, the evil which grinds babies and text and memory, gnashes it all in its droning machinery, its cold horror and inhumane (unhuman) practice, seemingly perfected... it is obvious to anyone with a single thought that it is an ethnic cleansing. the forcible "movement" (murder) of people of one group from land people of another group want. is ethnic cleansing. we are watching it in real time, and the world stands by and in many cases, it endorses, it beats and imprisons those who are brave enough to stand up to it, it rewards cowardly men in war rooms who having read fukuyama and arendt and maybe even voegelin conveniently forget themselves, because they can afford to, and wave their hands and make calls and decimate entire families cities sovereignties. and liberalism - that fickle ideology whose sole search is for the justification of atrocity - sends its thoughts and prayers, and emphasizes how just horrible both sides are, and conveniently forgets the histories that have led each "side" to this. convenient.

and i can't do anything about it. i can perfectly articulate every well-thought-out argument, i can cry the most frustrated tears from the well of my chest and i can scream that this isn't right, because it isn't, but nobody fucking cares. those who matter have decided for those who don't.

if you align yourself with israel, or feel any sympathy toward the supposed plight of active settlers (not a neutral spot to be in, by the way - another rational argument), i hope you know how thoroughly you've been manipulated. how successful the project of those with the power to decide we don't matter has been. you and i don't matter. so-called free thinkers meme. you fucking idiot. you genocidal maniac.

not putting this under a cut. fuck you. read it all and remember my jewish name and keep it far out of your mouth the next time you tell someone why the people you've told me are my neighbors deserve a flattening.

[mactavishwritings]

141 + Los Vaqueros reacting to you naming your child together after them would be so sweet

Ghost

he was on a mission when you gave birth so he rushed to the hospital when he got back. he walked into your room and you looked so pretty. his eyes landed on your son and his eyes filled with tears. he held your son when you told him the name. Simon Benjamin (L/N). his head whipped up towards you, having taken his mask off. he looked back down at the baby and vowed to you that nothing will every happen to your son while he is alive.

Soap

your pregnancy had been difficult so when you finally gave birth, you were so relieved that your son was heathy. before the birth, Soap kept making jokes about how your son should be named after him, starting the line of Johnny Jrs. you always brushed him off, but could never settle on a name. when the nurse asked you what you two planned on naming the baby, you smiled at Soap before telling her 'Johnathan Jr.' Soap looked up with the biggest smile on his face. he leaned over and kissed your head a bunch before finally letting you sleep.

Gaz

Gaz would often ask you for a baby. he loved kids and would often tear up whenever you two walked past the kids section of a store. when you did finally get pregnant, he was over the moon. he was trying to come up with unique names, but you didn't like any of the ones. when you found out it was a boy, you knew immediately what you wanted to name him. you sat Gaz down one night and told him that you wanted to name your son 'Kyle'. He teared up and immediately agreed, dropping to his knees in front of you. his head rested on your thigh, hugging your legs.

Price

You two never planned on having kids. it's not that you didn't want kids, it's just that you never could see yourselves settling down for a family. that is until you missed your period and took a test that changes your entire plans. it didn't hit you that you were going to be parents until 6 months. it had gotten serious then because you were seriously showing. You two were laying in bed when you suddenly sat up, turning to Price. "We have to think of a name soon, oh god." his eyes went wide at your panic, reaching up to sooth you. you sighed and shook your head. "fuck it. we're naming him John Jr and i don't want to hear it." Price choked on his spit before tearing up. "if that's what you want, darling. i'm very happy with that."

Alejandro

you two had been together since you were teens. when you found out you were pregnant with a baby girl, he had you move into a secret safe house to project you. you had so much time on your hands so to prevent yourself from going nuts, you researched baby names. You would text Alejandro your ideas and he would always laugh them off. you then suggested the name Alexandra, the female version of his name, he went silent. you were nervous that it upset him, but he nodded. he wasn't looking at you, but you heard a small sniffle. Your eyes went wide as you realized he was crying. "i'm just so excited and i really like that name. i can't wait to raise her with you."

Rudy

You never imagined yourself as a mother, but Rudy wanted a kid so bad. he wanted to have lots of kids, but never wanted to pressure you into having kids. your pregnancy was an accident, but not unwelcomed. it took you getting pregnant for you to want kids. you were so excited when you found out. At month 8, you just wanted the baby out. Rudy tried his best to help support you as best he could. He often asked if you two could name him Rodolfo, since Rudy was named after his own father. You never were sure, always saying you'd think about it. When you gave birth, you finally agreed to naming him Rodolfo. He got so emotional, holding his newborn son with the biggest smile on his face.

[icarus-star]

I loved your hc of Charlie's reaction to the “i <3 pathetic boys” shirts, etc! Could you please write a part 2 of the reader fvcking/edging him and degrading him? (and him enjoying it ofc) skdjsj thank youu

literal legend pt.2 | charlie walker <3

pt.1

a/n: creative... 👀 this is literally so much longer than i intended it to be 😭 i also sprinkled in over stimulating near the end and probably a bunch of stuff.... enjoy

@that-one-persons-posts

18+ content ahead, pure and absolute filth!!please don't read unless your comfortable with that!!

ok, you two got paired up for a group project, and both decided to head to his place after school that day to start it

so you head over with him after the school day ends, wearing your 'i ❤ submissive men' t-shirt :3

he's trying to not pay any attention to it, but he's getting curious as to why you own so many shirts like that

so he asks you, and you tell him that they're all just stating facts about what you like 🤷‍♂️

he nods, trying to forget about it

but he can't

all he can think about is you toying with him, making him feel like he's as worthless bug and all that <3

so, you two get to his house, go up in his room and start working on whatever the project might be

a couple hours go by, you slowly inched closer to him as time went by

he didn't notice at first, but when he looked up to check the time and you were right in front of him, he was a lil bit confused

he's all blushy n shit too 🤭

"wh-what are you doing..?"

he'd ask you that when you move your hand to his upper thigh, giggling a little as you tell him that you know that he touches himself to the thought of you fucking his brains out

you ask him to confirm that for you, and you watch as he nervously gulps down his saliva and slowly nods his head

of course, that wasn't good enough, so you tell him to use his words

"yes.. i- i do, touch myself when i think of you.."

that resulted in much more than he anticipated

now, he's laying naked on his bed, your sitting beside him in only your bra and underwear jerking him off and absolutely refusing to let him cum even once

"ah ah ah~ please.. please let me cum! i- ahn~!! please? i'll- i'll be a good boy~!"

he's whining and whimpering the entire time, he will not shut up

which is good! he might even be doing it on purpose because he remembered what all your slutty baby-tees said!

which is what he would say if asked, his dick is actually just super sensitive

especially the tip! which you found out quickly when you decide to wrap your lips around it to tease him

bonus point if your wearing lipstick and kiss his cock, or just kiss his cock in general he's so weak for that

you've been stroking and teasing his dick for over an hour now, he's crying and your calling him your stupid boy slut, how endearing 🤗

his brain his so mushy right now, all he can do is repeat you

"ah~ fuck.. mmn? yeah, i'm your bitch! uh huh.. ah~!! a whore, just for you ma'am!"

than, he's about to cum for maybe the 5th or 6th time, and of course you don't let him

he can't help but whine when you pull your hand away, his cock needs you! :(

then you do something he didn't expect, you stripped completely, taking off your underwear and bra, then straddling his lap

you kiss him, keeping his moans muffled as you sink down onto his dick, your cunt wet and tight around his throbbing boner

you move away from the kiss, starting to bounce on his cock, just silently whining his name so that he can barely hear you

he wants to touch you and buck his hips up so badly, but you already had established that he'd be teased even more for that

he's 100× louder now that his cocks in your pussy instead of your hands, he literally cannot comprehend how good you feel

because of all the edging earlier, he cums quicker than he should

this time you let him, having him cum inside of you, of course thats after a little while of him begging to cum and you agreeing, but only if he cums inside of you

"c- can i cum? oh.. please! i needa cum.. in you? ah-! yes ma'am, anything~!!"

omg. and the face and sounds he makes when he cums? heavenly.

his eyes are rolling into the back of his head, his mouth wide as he's practically screaming your name

and his hips are subconsciously bucking and grinding against yours

but oh no, we're not done

you didn't cum yet, so your gonna keep riding him :3

he keeps letting out these breathless little whimpers every single time you sink back down onto him

he literally cannot think straight, his brain is so fuzzy from you edging him for over an hour and then immediately going to over stimulate him

he can't muster up a single word, he's just mumbling and whining

you probably end up making him cum a whole bunch of times, each orgasm more intense than the last

it's great for both of you, he's absolutely filling you up with every bit of cum he has

by the end, it's pretty late and he's so fucked out, his brains on autopilot and he asks if you'd like to stay the night

but please give him a little while to like, catch his breath and stuff

[decaffedthoughts]

Kinktober Fic 1

Kinks: corruption and dacryphilia

Other content: daddy kink (it's Chan, I have to), lingerie, and overstimulation

Gender neutral afab reader

980 words

Happy birthday Chaniel! I'm a liiiiittle late, but it's fine

Chan has been nothing but the sweetest man in the world in your entire relationship so far. It's kind of insane honestly, especially compared to the other guys you've been with or talked to. In the realm of the sexual it's even more clear, with how he checks on you constantly, something that probably hadn't even crossed the mind of those other guys.

So, yeah, Chan's been great. But right now, you want more from him and you know you won't get it unless you beg and convince him that you really want it. Good thing you have a plan.

Buying the skimpiest and prettiest little set of lingerie you could find, in a nice baby blue, exuding innocence that just says 'ruin me'. Now you just have to hope that Chan gets the hint. Though you are not above begging for it.

Good thing to, cause it turns out you just might have to. There's nothing strictly *wrong* with what's happening, of course not, you just need a whole lot more than what he's giving. And you know he can give more.

You take a little bite into his neck and then, "Channie."

He stops, clearly your tone or something is different, even if you didn't strictly mean for it to be.

"Yes, angel? Is something wrong?" He's so adorably concerned, you feel bad for making him worry about something like this.

"No, nothing's wrong just. How do I say this."

"You know you can tell me anything, darling. Anything you need, anything you want." Oh what a sweet man he is, not a clue what is about to come out of your mouth.

"Chan, I want you to ruin me. To make me dumb, to make me cry, get just shy of completely breaking me. I know how much you go to the gym, I know you can. And I bet you want to. Daddy." You lean back and blink at him coyly through your lashes.

As if you hadn't heard him refer to himself jokingly as 'daddy' one too many times and caught on. The sudden title doesn't even seem to process for him, it's as if you've just stun-locked him by accident. It takes a minute, and you start to wonder if you've gotten it all wrong, and you projected your desires onto him.

"You want me to make you cry? Tell me one more time that you want it, baby.

"Daddy, please. Wouldn't I be so pretty if I was laying there crying because you make me feel too good?"

His head falls back and he groans loudly, his eyes closed.

"Alright, yeah. Yeah, I can do that. Daddy can do that darling."

At first, you worry he's hesitant, holding back and not actually committed to making you cry, and you begin to whine about it. Chan shushes you, with his grin a little wild, he clearly has a plan that you can't see.

He fills you up perfectly, as always, and makes you feel so good. At this point he knows exactly what to do to make you fall apart, and he's as attentive as always. Then he doesn't stop. Usually he gives you a break before he continues to make himself cum, but this time he didn't. You hardly have time to think about it though, since the sensitivity makes you begin to whine and squirm a little. It's not bad, just different, and you're nowhere close to asking him to stop.

This time around he cums first, and you're so close that he just fucks you right into it after. Now, he does take a break, mostly for practical reasons. But he wastes no time replacing his cock with his fingers, and you gasp and moan out abruptly. It's just two, but the way you're stretched out means he can easily fit in a third, and he does. Two orgasms chained together and chasing a third has you nearly thrashing a bit more fervently now. This is what you asked for, and still you wouldn't dream of asking him to stop.

You're so close now that two little brushes of his thumb over your clit has you cumming, and it takes hold of your body in a way very new to you. Your back arches and doesn't allow you to force it down, though you can't try that hard right now.

"You okay, lovely? That one looked pretty straining." Chan pulls back, hovering over you with a slight furrow in his brow.

You smile up at him, nodding. "So good. You make me feel so good, Channie. But I haven't cried yet."

Chan raises his eyebrows at you, checking if you're serious. When you just nod again eagerly he shakes his head and sighs. "Alright, what my baby wants, my baby gets."

He goes straight to three fingers this time, and your back arches and you clench down on them. You're still so sensitive and not prepared for the sudden sensation. It only gets worse, or better, when he puts his mouth on your clit, tonguing at it. Your hands grip at his hair, trying in futility to push him away while your legs squeeze together around his head.

"Channie, Channie, Channie!"

"Nope, that's not what you call me. Say it properly and you can cum."

"Ah, sorry sorry. Daddy please! So close, so good, please. I need it."

"There you go, go ahead. Wanna taste you."

You finally feel the tears build and fall from the corners of your eyes, and they fall fast. There will be a print on the pillow tonight to remember this by. Your body is tired, not making you contort into odd positions, but still twisting feebly away, even if you don't really want to get away. Chan stops as soon as you start whimpering too pathetically.

"There's the tears. You got what you wanted, baby."

[kiefbowl]

I've been embarrassed so I haven't been blogging about it...but I've been watching himym for the past couple months. but the reason is not because I like it (bease pelieve me I'm crying), but because I find it a fascinating cultural artifact, and I wanted to write a more thorough post on tv and misogyny than the one offs I wrote oh like 2.5 years ago when I watched a couple episodes.

but gyns, I can't get though season 8. I can't do it. I've gotten this far and you might think oh it's just a little further...you can do it but season 8 is straight up hot garbage. truly abysmal. how did anyone hang on. Even though I've been pacing this little project over months to not want to krill myself, season 8 is taking corporeal form and strangling me and laughing about it. It's not even the ~wacky rape jokes~ that are doing me in. I knew that was 80% of the show and the bulk of barney's character. I was prepared. It's not even that jason segal looks weird and seems to be astral projecting himself back to the freaks and geeks set every second he can to take back his life of acting for a quiet career as an accountant to avoid this miserable, god awful job in the future, though he makes every horrible scene he's in just that much horrible because of it. It's because I can't fucking stand to watch robin's life slowly be picked apart for shit by these four loser friends. I just can't do it anymore. The writers HATE ROBIN. They hate her. The main love interest. Of two men. They think she's wrong. They think she's stupid. They think she should be punished. Even though they write her, and center her, and she's the linchpin of this entire stupid fucking show.

And when the writing is this abysmal in season 8, a show that has been sometimes okay, a lot of times mid, many many times already awful, I just can't watch her character be assassinated for the sake of sitcom concepts like "let's host a game show in our apartment to decide our baby's legal guardian in the event of our deaths" or ideas like what if barney picked up a random dog. can't do it. Can't do it!!! this is my essay, I'm deleting all my notes. This show Sucks. I was going to give it a teeeeny bit of credit at the end for some things, but fuck that. Fuck you for writing Robin in episode one so you could gleefully dismember her piece by piece over nine years like some sort of spit pig in service of ted and barney's rape escapades. truly fuck this piece of shit show.

[myunconquerablesoul]

We will be okay.

s.gojo x gn!reader

Warnings: mentions of gojo being cut in half (but nothing to detailed or specific), Bad dream. Happy End, I promise!

Wordcount: 806

You don't know what time it is. 

You didn't dare to move to look at the clock, either. The only thing that mattered was the sleeping figure beside you.

You couldn't even scream after waking up. You've awoken with a panic that left you paralyzed. But the moment your eyes fell on Saturo, you seemed to be frozen on the spot.

Ever since then, you didn't move.

Simply looking at him.

Untill now, you could not push yourself to touch him. Too big the fear that he was just a fragment of your wishful imagination.

He was facing you, his chest rising and falling.

You took a deep breath, let a shaky one out, and somehow found the courage to lightly touch Saturo's face.

You almost choked on the sob that threatened to come out. 

He was real.

Saturo was home. He was alive and well…

You turned to lay on your back, trying to gain composter.

You didn't want to wake him. It was the most sleep he got in weeks.

Your vision filled with tears again. Fealing your panic rise just thinking about your dream again. You could feel yourself trembling, the weight of it all hitting you again and again.

Saturo lying on the ground, his waist cut in half as his legs remained standing, and his left arm cut as he coughed up blood.

"I-I'm so… sorry…"

Fuck… it all felt too real. 

"Baby?" Saturo's hand gently pulled you out of your trance. 

You couldn't hold it in anymore. Everything you tried to suppress bubbled up the surface the second you saw those Azure eyes.

He pulled you in his embrace. "Shhh, it's okay, beautiful. I'm here…" He slowly made you sit with him on the bed. You cling to him like a lifeline.

"It was just a dream, love. I'm here- I'll always be with you."

Your cries of desperation and grief did not subside, and Saturo could do nothing more than protectively hold you against his chest and let you cry. 

He never let go the entire time you were crying on his shoulder. He occasionally kissed the top of your head and whispered sweet nothings into your ear to comfort you while stroking your hair.

Saturo knew exactly why you were in the state you're currently in. It was all still fresh in your mind. 

Him being sealed, Megumi being possessed by Sukuna, Saturo getting freed, Sukuna using Megumis's body to fight him, eventually killing him, and Saturo miraculously coming back to life, saving Megumi and somehow ending Sukuna.

It was all too much; he couldn't blame you. 

To be honest, he believes that it's all his fault really. If he just hadn't fallen for that trap... maybe things would have gone differently.

"I'm sorry for scaring you like that." he whispered. Trying his best to comfort you was all he could do. He felt so helpless.

Saturo didn't know how much time passed until you somewhat calmed down. "I- I'm sorry. I didn't mean to wake you." he shook his head slightly. Of course, these have to be your first words to him. 

Always putting everyone else before you. Even when you're the one needing to be comforted.

"Nonsense. Next time, wake me up, Baby." You just nodded your head. And Saturo did his best to brush your reminding tears away.

He would hold you for as long as you need. 

"You don't know how scared I was..." You hated how fragile your voice was, how weak it sounded. 

"You can't leave me like that 'toru… I need you. I need you here, with me." not exactly knowing what to say, Saturo leans forward and warily presses his lips to the crown of your head. He still didn't let go. 

He couldn't help but tear up, too. It wasn't easy for him. Seeing you suffer like this because of him. You, Tsumiki, Megumi, and many more had to endure all this because of him. 

Then he leans down to give you a kiss on your lips. His eyes closed, hoping to give you every last drop of his sympathy. Hoping to project everything he could not bring himself to say with a kiss.

You can feel everything he tries to communicate. 

You are not alone. I am here, and I am with you. I'm glad to be here. I'm sorry you had to go through all of this because of me. Megumi will be okay. Tsumiki too. We will be okay. I'm sorry...

When he pulls away, his thumb is stroking your cheek, his eyes full of emotion, but the only thing he can form into words is, "I love you so much."

But you understand him perfectly. Every hidden meaning and feeling.

And for the first time in a while, you believe it: We will be okay.

[jasonsmirrorball]

the jason dad post 😵‍💫❤️‍🩹 you said that’s not nearly as many things as you want to say, i’m coming to you as an AVID dad!jason lover, please pretty please spill literally any and everything you have to say about that topic (if you’re up to it ofc) i’ve got the worst dad!jason brainrot he’s killing meeeeee

cw: pregnancy, children

thank u for indulging me and i am so sorry this is about to be soo incoherent because i'm so all over the place.

i think that if you have an overbearing family (who probably mean well but just don't understand that sometimes you need a bit of space) he is so your guy. he knows about families who are SO nosy like on a fucked up level. his brother probably has a whole profile on you. overbearing aunties are a breeze.

they throw you guys a baby shower and if you start crying in the car because you feel overwhelmed he's rounding the driveway to help you calm down. wipes your tears and asks you what you wanna do in his steadiest voice and you know he's going to back you up no matter what. has a hand on your back the entire time if you decide to go in and coordinates all communication with the seriousness of like his high level stakeouts.

uhhh uhhh i think jason and dick's relationship grows stronger as a result of this. like. that's his older brother. and he tells him because this is special and precious part of his life and he says it very solemnly and awkwardly when they meet up, and tries not to show how important it is to him that dick is part of it. tries not to show his brother that he feels this deeply about him being part of it. but he's still his younger brother and he's still gonna look up to him and want his approval. and dick is so. over the moon.

i think each of the family contribute in their own way but. i like to imagine damian, curious and a little awkward, helping to paint the nursery. he drops in randomly after school and the first time is a little sudden and you're not expecting him but you can't turn him away. he sits in silence for a little and then offers his own stiff little congratulations even though he'd already told you back when you and jason had announced it in front of the family.

it's so endearing and you ask him if he wants to see the nursery and he follows you through the house to the room where you and jason have planned to decorate for the baby. the entire time he doesn't take his eyes off you just in case, like he's got to take care of you in jason's absence. takes the role of soon to be uncle sooo seriously. you ask him if he would consider painting you something for the nursery and i think he takes it SO seriously.

jason goes out and buys a notebook once he's processed the news that you're going to be parents. it might be that day, it might be a week later. but i think he's the kind of dad who writes letters as your baby grows up. 'today we found out we were going to have you..' type thing and it's just so. heartfelt. and human. i don't think he even knows if the baby will ever see these, but he details how scared he feels and you can just read how much love he has already for you and the baby. he's a boy trying to do his best.

this is once again me projecting but. imagine the baby books. i love the idea of the nursery and picking out the books you're going to fill the shelf with. and as the baby grows you add more and more. fairytales and science and fiction and fantasy etc etc. jason reads to you when you can't sleep during the pregnancy

you fall asleep in the nursery one night, the both of you, and maybe a few years later, you unknowingly recreate it when the baby/small person has a nightmare and you and jason end up squished together on the bed with your world between the both of you. a tiny hand on your cheek and the other on their dad's shirt.

i was talking about this with keke (eurydizzy) beloved but i think the baby picks up on jason always calling you baby or a pet name and starts calling everyone that. they're tucked in his arms after a visit to uncle dick's and their little hand is smacking against their mouth in a clumsy blown kiss and you hear a tiny voice say 'bye baby!' to dick. (you guys end up staying another hour)

jason buys a camera and ends up documenting almost everything he can but. so do you. there are home videos on home videos on home videos. that's your world, why wouldn't you want to preserve it!!

another thing keke and i were talking about was the inner child wounds you guys would inadvertently heal. it makes me so emotional. you guys aren't perfect but. by god that baby is so loved. never once ignored, never dismissed. you treat them so seriously, and listen to everything they have to say.

anyway i am so emotional and have severe baby fever. i saw a mother and her baby on the bus the other day and almost started crying because they were so cute

[cowboyemeritus]

Picture Perfect (Mary Goore/Reader)

Mary's on the road again. You give him a little something to remember you by. (18+)

Read on AO3

i'm projecting here because i, too, am working on a term paper rn. if anyone wants to listen to me rant about the Royal Cemetery of Ur, hmu.

“Fuck, the things I’m gonna do to you when I get back.” Mary’s voice is slightly fried through the phone, but you can tell he’s riled up. You smile.

“I see you found my gift.” The jingling of a belt buckle sounds through the speaker and you bite your lip. Briefly, you consider ditching the computer and making your way over to the bedroom. This will, in all likelihood, be a quick affair, a way for Mary to blow off some steam after a long day on the road. You know, however, that once you get up, you’re not going to want to touch that paper again for the rest of the night. You certainly miss Mary, but thirty percent of your grade is on the line.

“Do you like it?” You find yourself asking. Mary grunts in response, and you hear the telltale sound of fabric sliding down their legs.

“It’s wonderful, babe. Very thoughtful of you.” He groans and you can tell he’s stroking himself already. “You know I love how you look in black.”

You sigh wistfully, recalling how difficult posing for the photo had been. Your arm is still sore from holding up the camera for so long. In retrospect, you suppose you could have just texted him a picture. It would have been a lot easier, now that camera phones are all the rage. However, there’s just something about a polaroid, about having it physically in your hand, that feels more meaningful. It’s the permanence of it, you suppose.

“Glad you like it,” you purr, squeezing your thighs together. “Figured needed a little something to keep you occupied.” On the other end of the line, you hear Mary snicker.

“You just wanted to make sure I didn’t forget about you, didn’t you?”

“No!” You cry indignantly. Mary laughs out loud this time.

“Don’t tell me you’re jealous, baby.” They grunt, and you start to hear a wet sound as they presumably coat their length with pre.

“Of course I’m not!” You huff. “It’s just… Some of the people who come to your shows can get a little… bold.”

“What, you don’t trust me?” His tone is playful — this is just fun and games and the both of you know it. You smile, knowing that what you’re going to say next will make Mary’s brain melt.

“I just want to make sure you remember who you belong to.” As predicted, he moans loudly through the receiver.

“Fuck,” they sigh. The wet noise is louder and, well, wetter now, and Mary’s breaths come deeper and quicker. “Course I remember. You think a bunch of tweaked out groupies have got a thing on you? Don’t make me laugh.” You’re glad Mary can’t see you blush, or the way your nails are digging into your thigh as you fight the urge to blow off your work entirely and rub one out.

“Wish you were here,” he says through gritted teeth.

“I know, baby. I miss you so much.” You can feel the wetness gathering in your panties and let out a heavy breath at the thought of what Mary must look like right now. The image of them, flushed cock in hand, flashes in your mind’s eye, and the plastic of your flimsy little flip phone creaks as your knuckles turn white. Mary gives you another small moan, and then chuckles softly.

“You wanna know why this is a particularly great gift?” There’s a pause; his strokes get slower and his breath begins to even out. They must be getting close. “Now I can take you with me wherever I go. The next time the guys ask about you, I can just whip this out and show them exactly how well you’re doing.” The thought of Mary showing his bandmates, who you only vaguely know, such an explicit photo of you makes your breath hitch.

“You wouldn’t.”

“Oh, I would.”

“Fuck, that’s so hot.” A fresh wave of arousal hits you, and you have to cross your legs to give yourself just a little pressure. Mary huffs out a laugh when a quiet moan erupts from deep in your chest.

“Wanna get my hands all over you,” he grumbles.

“You sure that’s the only thing you wanna get all over me?” Mary groans, and the tempo of the slick sound builds once again.

“Shit, baby.”

“Give it to me, Mare. C’mon.”

It doesn’t take long before Mary reaches his climax. They come down whining, breathing hard and heavy into the receiver. You can’t help but wonder if he’s biting his lip like he usually does. Immediately, you have to banish the thought as your blood begins to quicken. Once their breath settles, they let out a contented sigh.

“You must be exhausted,” you say, moving the mouse around to wake up the computer. Mary hums in agreement.

“Yeah,” they yawn. “You’re a total knockout, babe.” Though you roll your eyes, you can’t help but let out a little laugh through your nose.

“Get some rest, then. You’ve got another long day tomorrow.”

“What about you? Gonna get off for me?” Your shoulders slump as your paper reappears on the screen. Already, the light makes something behind your eyes ache. 

“Wish I could.”

[mangoshorthand]

Flesh and Blood- [Five Hargreeves x F Reader]. Ch8 (Hard Feelings Part 3)

SUMMARY: As Christmas approaches, everything between you and Five is perfect...until a destructive temporal anomaly gets in the way. Five is convinced another permutation of himself is to blame. Nothing's simple when you're in a relationship Five Hargreeves: could your loyalties be tested in a way unique to him? Chapter One - Chapter Two - Chapter Three - Chapter Four - Chapter Five - Chapter Six - Chapter Seven - Chapter Eight - Chapter Nine - Chapter Ten - Chapter Eleven - Chapter Twelve - Chapter Thirteen

After a year of grief, Viktor told Five he needed a project. He found one.

Initially confusing chapter ahead. Proceed at your own risk

Chapter Eight: The Life that Is

Five's in the outbuilding, readying the Snowcat for tomorrow's journey. Although the handover point is only a couple of miles away, he doesn't want to take any chances. He's near enough that he could blink to your side in a second if a portal erupts. 

It's been so good to speak to Klaus and Lila again. You're looking forward to seeing Klaus tomorrow, even just from a distance. The idea of having some new stuff in the cabin is exciting too- something to relieve the burden. The idea of Sloane's care package is particularly appealing. 

You listen to the weather getting worse as your eyes grow heavy. It had been a fine day, but now you’re sure you hear thunder. At the flash of light in a snow-gray sky, you sit up, moving as fast as you can with your belly getting in the way. Staring out of the window, you struggle unsteadily to your feet.

There’s a swirling blue-toned storm in the sky. It’s a portal, but not one of the baby’s. There’s no pain and it’s at least fifty feet away behind all the trees. It swirls more sedately and less like a washing-machine on a spin cycle. And then, as suddenly as it appeared, it vanishes. Is it the Commission? Could they have found you? You back up, eyes still fixed on the window, edging towards the back door and Five in the outbuilding. But then the front door flies open and Five’s standing there in a suit and shoes entirely unsuitable for the snow: his heavy coat, hat and boots are gone. You don’t have time to wonder when and where he managed to change clothes before he blinks across the room and wraps you tightly in his arms.

What-?”

He doesn’t reply, he only inhales deeply with his mouth and nose in your hair. When he exhales, it’s in juddery bursts. And then his shoulders heave.

“Five? What’s happening? What’s wrong?”

He’s crying and breathing you in, his tears wetting you and hands trying to touch every part of you at once. He's shaking as he kisses your face and neck again and again.

“It’s really you…it’s you…I’ve got you.”

"I don’t understand, what was-"

He cuts you off with a sob, his face buried in your neck. His skin is mottled with temperature: warm from his emotion with patches of ice-cold from the snow. 

"Fuck. Oh fuck. I've got you. I love you. I love you. I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," his voice is muffled and more tears bleed from his eyelashes, running onto your collarbone.

You just hold him, confused but knowing that he needs you. You rub his back automatically and he holds you even tighter to him in response.

And then the back door bangs open and Five stands there too.

He’s the only kid crazy enough to be out here. It’s only 30 degrees or so but he whined until Diego had to give in. He could never hold out for long when Santi did that. He looked exactly like Lila.

Coat zipped high around his neck, Diego watches Santi’s breath fog out before him as he throws himself down the slide with a long whoop.

Watching from behind the waist-high fence surrounding the playground, he stamps his feet to keep warm. His boots crunch dried leaves into the hard ground.

At least this means Santi is likely to sleep tonight, Diego comforts himself. Maybe even give him and Lila a chance to fool around for once.

Santi’s cry is abruptly cut off and Diego looks up, suddenly alert. If he expects anything In the split-second it takes for him to absorb the scene, he maybe thinks Santi’s taken a fall and winded himself, but that’s not what’s happening here.

He’s just shot down the slide and should be landing on his feet, but he hasn’t. Instead, he’s suspended in midair. So is his fogged up breath, trailing behind him like an old steam train. 

Diego stares for a fraction of a second before vaulting the fence and heading towards his son. He freezes himself, however, when a voice sounds behind him.

“Hi Diego.”

Hand on a knife at his belt, Diego whirls around. Standing by a nearby tree, Herb waves awkwardly. 

“Santi’s okay. I just froze time for a couple of minutes.”

Diego looks at him disbelievingly for a second. He looks disheveled and distinctly careworn. Exhausted, even.

“What the hell are you doing here Herb,” Diego said, withdrawing the knife from its holster and pointing it warningly in Herb’s direction, “after what you did? You send a killer into my house, near my son?”

“I-I need your help!”  Herb says, frantically, hands held up each side of his face in surrender, “Come on Diego, there are at least two killers around your son most days and one of them is his Mother- what harm does one more do?”

“Don’t give me that bullshit,” Diego growls, “you put him in danger.”

Herb blinks

“ I didn’t put him in danger. If Wynn had been able to carry out her contract that night, Santi would never have been hurt like that.”

Diego lets out a slow breath and chews the inside of his cheek.

“Please, Diego.”

 He lowers the knife. 

“You better tell me what you’re doing here Herb.”

Herb nods eagerly, 

“We got a real problem back at HQ. It’s your brother: he changed the timeline. It’s a catastrophe just waiting to happen.”

“Elaborate,” Deigo says, sternly.

“After Wynn failed, I ran the numbers again and they showed that matters were going to resolve themselves anyway: your brother killed his fiance and the baby trying to induce birth.”

Diego feels all the blood drain from his face. His old stutter returns.

“W-w-what?” he manages.

“And that was fine, ” Herb hurries on, “I mean, it was sad; it was really sad, but there weren’t going to be any more portals. But then Five- he must have been working on it all that time- Five traveled back eight years and wiped out that timeline. That means there are two of them somewhere in this timeline and the pregnancy can continue.”

Herb takes a deep breath, pulling in air to carry on with his frantic explanation:

“You have to tell me where they are. We have to stop this. Those portals are going to get worse and worse: destruction on a scale you can’t even imagine!”

Diego’s brain is struggling to take it all in.

“They’re far away from people,” he says, slowly, “and Five can stop them, anyway.”

“Not as the pregnancy progresses!” Herb says, wildly, “by the eighth month we predict they could swallow everything within a fifty-mile radius; even break the fabric of time itself! And that’s not to mention the paradox of two Fives running around.”

Diego shakes his head.

“Please!” Herb says, stepping towards him, “I need you to tell me what you know.”

Diego looks over at Santi again for a short second before turning back to Herb.

“Okay. I'll help. But you need to tell me that all again. Slowly this time.”

You wriggle free of the man holding you, looking between him and the Five standing at the door with fearful disbelief. As you take him in, you realize he looks different. Older. His skin, though still young, looks a little worn and he has a single gray hair at his right temple.

“What-?”

But the older Five just hugs you again.

“Okay, that’s enough,” the younger Five pulls him roughly off you, bringing a shoulder up to his face to scratch an itch there. The older Five breaks free of his grasp.

“Listen asshat, I haven’t seen her in eight years because YOU are about to kill her...tomorrow, if I got my math right. So excuse me for showing a bit of emotion.”

He scratches vigorously under his armpit and gives himself an intense glare.

“What?” your Five sounds dangerous, impatient.

“Yeah- that’s right. You kill her and the baby trying to play OB-GYN.” he keeps tight hold of your hand, “and I spent the last eight years working out how to fix your…my fuckup.”

He looks around the cabin disbelievingly for a second and lets out a peal of relieved laughter.

“I actually pulled it off. I can't believe it. Would you say I look about eight years older?”

But you don't answer: you're still computing what you heard a few seconds prior.

"We die?" you whisper. 

The older Five looks at you, all the mirth leaving his eyes like sand through an hourglass.

"Not if I have anything to do with it. Not this time."

You can read the intensity of emotion in his voice. His face has the haunted quality you associate with his regular nightmares. He tears his eyes from yours and addresses his younger self.

“We are not equipped to induce birth and deliver a preterm baby here. But, lucky for your sorry ass,” he shoots a dark look in his direction, “I got a plan.” He uses his shoe to scratch his shin.

“And why should I trust you?” says the younger Five.

“He’s you!” you say, incredulously.

“That's not good enough!" His eyes narrow even further as his tense shoulder scratches his cheek. Older Five's face spasms as he points aggressively into his doppelganger’s face.

“Well, I know how to keep the baby inside her until she’s fully cooked.”

“She?” you whisper.

Older Five looks away from his younger self to look back over at you, lip twitching.

Yes," he says, more softly, "she was beautiful." He lifts your hand gently and looks down at your fingers laced between his.

Younger Five clicks his fingers impatiently in the other’s direction, causing his brow to knit again.

“Let go of her and tell me how we keep the baby inside.”

You remove your hand from older Five’s and step a little way between them. He lets you go with regret but keeps his eyes on his younger self.

“It needs both of us.”

They stand with identical posture, hands in pockets and bodies tilted forward, jaws set. Through gritted teeth, the younger Five says,

“Bullshit. What’s your game, shithead?

"I'm trying to save her life, moron!"

"You've created a paradox," he says, emphatically, wiping sweat from his brow, "you know what that can do! You wanna trigger another kugelblitz?"

"I've had eight years! You think I didn't take that into account?"

The younger Five grinds his teeth as he steps forward aggressively. 

"And we had forty-five to work out the jump to 2019 and we still managed to fuck that up!"

As Older Five looks murderous, you hold out a hand as it dawns on you:

“Is this that…paradox psychosis thing?”

“No,” they say, simultaneously, eyeing each other with suspicion.

“And what was the first stage again?”

“Denial.” they say, together, and then scowl at one another.

 “He definitely has it," says older Five, "but I’m fine!”

“You’re the one scratching himself like a chimp,” says the younger.

Older Five grunts in frustration, removing the fingernails chafing his hair.

“How about you hear me out and then decide if it sounds like bullshit?”

Your Five shifts uncomfortably and lets out a wet-sounding fart.

“Sorry. Go on.”

“Thank you,” says Five 2.0, “Now. We know that baby’s brain is firing all kinds of crazy stuff out as it develops, right? Hence the portals.”

“Right.”

Older Five turns to you, straightening his tie uncomfortably, “She’s projecting nonsense portals outside the womb because your body isn’t equipped to compensate. That’s why Lila didn’t end up with loads of placentas or whatever would have happened with Santi: because she’s powered, her body can cope.”

Younger Five scratches behind his ear, “We’d got that far, genius.”

“-And,” he continues, “if we can recreate that compensation using OUR power in a form we can place inside her, then the baby can throw out whatever she wants and be born when she’s ready.”

“I’m listening…so do we need to anticipate the convection or wave nodes before they happen?”

“No,” he scratches his leg, “we need to produce two portals with nice, steady vortices. Any frequency as long as they’re totally oppositional. Then we externalize them, confine them to this instance and compress them into one. Think of it like a sphere to go around the baby. And because they’re constantly opposing each other-”

“-It creates stasis within,” younger Five finishes for him, comprehension dawning, “Like a time-travel-proof forcefield? That’s actually a pretty good…”

“-it’s not a forcefield,"  he snaps, "this isn’t Star Trek, asshole. It’s a relativity suppressor.”

“I don’t understand.” you say.

Older Five turns to you, face softening even as he smacks his lips a little, trying to lubricate his dry mouth.

“It makes sure that time IN the womb matches time OUTSIDE the womb, no matter what she throws out. It will counteract her portals before they erupt. It should keep her in there until she’s ready to be born or until her brain is developed enough to stop spitting them out. Does that make sense?”

You nod. It makes enough sense, anyway. He smiles in return and reaches for your hand again.

“Hey! You just keep away from her.”

He scowls, reaches into his inner pocket, pulls out a notebook and throws it none-too-gently at his past self, who catches it just before it hits him in the chest.

“Here’s the math, dipshit.”

Your Five looks down at the equations, stripping off his coat.

“This is going to need maintenance,” he says, slowly, “it looks like it will degrade.”

“Yup. That’s the worst part. We gotta be roommates for the next ten weeks. Until she delivers. Just to be safe."

Five nods slowly and then says, “How do I know you’re not going to wait until she delivers and then off me?”

“You don’t, " he replies, "but you’re going to take that risk, aren’t you?”

They stare each other down, both shifting, scratching and breathing a little too hard. Finally, the younger Five gives a miniscule nod and says:

“Want to try it?”

“No, I came all the way here to talk about it. Why do you think I'm here?" snaps the older Five.

“I didn’t mean you.”

He turns his eyes to you.

“Your decision, dear one. It seems…logical to me, but this isn’t about me and him.”

You look at the older Five,

“Will it hurt?”

His mouth pulls down a little as he wipes psychosis-related sweat from his forehead.

"I don't know. I don’t see any reason why it should but I’ve not been able to test that part. All I've been able to do is practice shaping one half. Lila can only mimic- she can’t create them independently. No chance of an oppositional portal from her.”

You think for a few moments. If it’s this, death or more skin-ripping portals then this seems by far the better option.  

“Okay.”

Older Five squeezes your hand.

“If you just sit there on the couch, we’ll try to create one and then see about insertion.”

“This is still just theoretical,” says the younger Five, looking at himself with a mixture of scorn and anxiety.

“Then let’s get some practical experience,” he replies, with passive aggressive bite. 

They scowl at each other again as he continues.

“You create one, make it simple and steady and I’ll counteract it.”

You watch as both Fives take their braced stance, hands clawed and ready to summon. With a look of concentration, a flash of light erupts from Five’s hand, and a tiny portal appears before him. It’s not like the baby’s mad, sucking voids, it’s more sedate. There’s no sucking sensation coming from it, though it makes your stomach flip.

“Okay! Now hold it!”

Younger Five’s face tenses as Five 2.0 summons a portal too, identical to the other, to your eyes at least.

“Now push. It needs to be round and fit together, so it holds itself in shape.”

Both versions of him push their arms outwards with effort, pushing the portals towards each other. You can see veins standing out on their arms.

“Smooth it- we want total amalgamation!”

Hands still splayed and tense, they both manipulate their portals: the energy appears to you like the texture of chilled butter: reluctant to mold without the persuasion of many warm touches. The older Five, clearly more practiced at this, smooths his into shape, like one half of a yin-yang sphere. Younger Five, using his movement for reference, eventually works his own into the reciprocal shape.

Breathing hard with the effort, older Five makes eye contact with his younger self. “Good. Now we need to push. There’s going to be resistance but it should fuse.”

They exchange a nod and, grunting with effort, extend shaking arms.

“Keep it steady!”

They work against the portals’ natural urge to repel each other, like the same pole on a magnet. One vortex or the other tries to become wilder, but each Five forces his half back to sedation each time it happens. Flashes of lightning-like energy fizzle between them. As both Fives start to sweat even more than before, the halves finally join, the final inch between them closing abruptly with a flash and buzz of static electricity. The orb contracts, expands and finally settles into smooth stasis at around two feet in diameter. The noise ceases and it revolves gently, like a planet.

Your Five looks to the other for confirmation, still tensed and ready to manipulate the orb as required.

“That looks good, now we gotta get it in.”

“How?” pants the younger Five.

“It should pass through her if we place it there.”

“You’ve had eight years and you give me ‘should’?”

"Sorry, I didn't exactly have a way to PRACTICE," spits older Five. And then he looks at you, nervousness replacing anger: “Do you want to try?”

You meet his eyes. They’re the same green you know, but something in them tells you how much extra suffering he’s faced.

“If I’m going to die anyway, then this is probably my best chance.”

“Are you sure? You trusted me once and…” he can’t finish.

“I’ll trust you every time.”

He shuts his eyes, looking pained, and takes in a deep breath.

“Then let's try.”

The younger Five looks between you, nods and decides to cooperate. They direct the orb towards you. As it meets your protruding belly, you find you aren’t scared.

“You okay?” says young Five.

You nod. At this final confirmation, they both push. You tense, ready for pain.

But, as it enters you, the orb only feels a little cold: pleasantly so. Despite their intense expressions, it glides into you with what feels like ease. Once it’s disappeared into your skin, it’s almost like it clicks into place.

The older Five kneels in front of you, “Feel ok?”

“Yeah..." you shift experimentally, a little disbelieving, "I can’t even feel it.”

You stand up and take a few steps around the room, half expecting the orb to be left behind where your womb once was, but when you turn around, there's nothing on the couch.

“I think we did it,” says the older Five, “but it will need us to maintain it. I think once a day, just to be safe.”

He lifts your shirt and the younger Five’s arm darts to stop him, but you bat him away with a palm.

Ignoring his younger self's objections, he runs his hands over your skin, “That feels good. You feel it."

He steps back and nods, scratching his neck hard as he does so.

Your Five steps forward, frowning, and holds your stomach too.

“Yeah…it feels…intact.”

All three of you spend a few moments taking in the success, both Fives scratching periodically. The baby kicks contentedly and you stroke a hand over the area. She's kicking you. You're having a girl.

Tag list: (please comment to be added or removed.) @dilfjohhny , @sunsunhe, @w4stedtr4sh, @nevbrooke-555, @theredvelvetbitch, @td-miley01, @five-hxrgreeves, @rorygi1more, @jamiebower88

Masterpost

Alternatively, join me on A03.  Here is a link to the whole series

[ella-norah]

This story is part of the series - TB universe. It continues after the events of the first part of the series - The Beginning. I reccomend reading the whole series, because Aliachae is an amazing writer.

I'll be doing a live blog reaction to this fic. I wanted to read it for a while, and now I will finally do it. I'm so excited. My thoughts will be written bellow the paragraph, in purple letters in italics.

If you want to read my live blog, continue reading <3

Rain toys nervously with a button on his shirt. Maybe nervous isn't the right word? He was thrilled and beyond excited to marry the literal love of his life. They were too young, some might say, but Rain had never been more sure of any one thing in his life than he was of marrying Phayu today. Maybe anxious was a better word to use but even that felt too negative for the energy bouncing around inside of him. 

Oh, Rain... don't be anxious. It will be alright.

Sky glances at his watch and gives Rain a pointed look. As much as everyone wanted to keep Rain and Phayu seperated the morning of the wedding Pai and Sky were all too willing to help them find a moment to meet with one another alone…so long as they didn't fuck each other and ruin their suits. Rain couldn't promise he wouldn't get a little handsy but Phayu wouldn't let them fuck and mess up their outfits.

Yes, I'm absolutely sure Phayu will be careful not to mess the suits. Also, I adore the descriptions of all the suits - Rain's, Sky's, Noi's... So so good.

"Angel…you look so pretty." Phayu's hands come up to brush against Rain's cheeks reverently. His fingers trail down Rain's plush cheeks and over his bottom lip before making their way down Rain's neck. Rain can do little else but watch as tears cloud his fiance's eyes. They don't fall but Phayu looks so painfully in love that it makes Rain start to tear up too. "Don't cry, baby, you'll ruin your makeup." 

"Then you can't cry either."

No crying for either of them, really. I can feel their love, it's so warm. I love this so so much.

"Go ahead, angel." 

Rain feels a large smile stretch across his face. Phayu had never been shy about using terms of endearment with him. He called Rain everything under the sun and more. Each one felt special and purposeful. They gave him insight into Phayu's thoughts and feelings in that moment.

I think I can feel my eyes water at how sweet this is. I love that Phayu isn't shy about his endearments for Rain, it is so beautiful to see with them.

"When I was little I would read stories about falling in love and fantasize about what it would be like. In all the stories they make it seem like you'll meet the person and you'll just know that they're the one meant for you. I especially liked the ones about soulmates. I liked to think that there was someone in the world who was made to love me. I didn't know that night in the rain that my entire world was going to change. Looking back on it though, that was the moment that I knew I had met someone who would become the most important person in my life. Maybe that's what the stories meant. Maybe you don't know at the exact moment but when you look back on it you know that you have met someone as immovable as yourself." Rain releases one of Phayu's hands to wipe lightly at his cheek as the first teardrop falls from his lashes. "My world was small and painfully lonely. It had felt like the world wasn't meant for someone as broken as me. When I met you I felt like I had found an oasis of calm after a never ending brutal storm. I had learned to live again but love was as foreign to me as a new language I had never heard spoken before. You brought our worlds together. You made my life feel full again. You gave me things that I had never thought I would have again. Every moment I spend by your side I am blessed with more love and care than I think I could have ever imagined as a broken sixteen year old boy with only one friend. I don't know how many lifetimes we have spent together but I know that I was made to be yours. My heart was built in the shape of you. My heart will always be shaped as you for all of this life and my next. I have never felt more certain of something than I do when I say I am marrying my soulmate and the love of my life."

RAIN'S VOWS!!! I'm really gonna cry... gosh, I'm melting so much!!!

"Rain…you came into my life like a hurricane. Before you my entire world was built in organization and schedules. I worked at the firm, I worked at the shop, and sometimes I didn't even make it home before I was crashing somewhere and starting the cycle all over again. I thought it was a life worth living. I thought that I was content to live that way. Then, as if by fate, I stopped to help an adorable boy on the side of the road fix a flat. I normally didn't even take that route but something told me to take the long way home that night despite being so exhausted. I didn't know then that you would become the very force of nature that I had been craving." Rain giggles softly despite his tears because even though they wrote their vows separately they were very much in tune in how they viewed one another. "I hadn't thought it was fate until I found out the cute boy with the flat tire was in my direct codeline. How could I not think the universe was trying to tell me something? Then, you came crashing into my life with all your vibrant smiles and infectious energy. You made me want to chase something for the first time in longer than I could remember. You took my order and schedules and created chaos…you created a storm. Yet, when I finally found you in the center of it all I realized just how much I had lost sight of. You loved me for everything I showed the world and everything I hid away. You took one look at my wild family and instead of running the opposite way you loved me even more despite their craziness not regardless. You have never once tried to change who I am or judged me for where I came from. You have always been so openly accepting and loving of every part of me. When the rest of my world feels like it's caught up in the whipping winds of a hurricane coming home to you is like finding the eye. The chaos and frustrations melt away into love and safety. If you were made to love me then surely I was made to love you…you are half of my heart and the other half of my soul. After all, where there is a storm there will always be rain. One cannot exist without the other." 

PHAYU'S VOWS!!! And I'm really crying now!! My heart... My poor heart!! So many feels!!!

"Only we could bring this kind of storm." 

Of course there is a downpour, a storm, on Phayu and Rain's wedding. It just fits. Downpours followed all of their bigger moments, and it makes me smile to see it follow them now.

The reception was a relaxed thing. Rain and Phayu had been adamant that their wedding and subsequent reception would be private. Only their closest friends and family would be privy to it. Later, after their honeymoon, they would hold a larger, more public reception for all of their business associates and allies. This one, however, was just for them. 

I love this for them, they deserve a private ceremony to celebrate their love.

Rain adjusts his head to stare up at Phayu with his chin resting on Phayu's chest. Phayu looks down at him with such a soft affection in his eyes. "For loving me as much as you do, angel. I am truly the luckiest man on earth to have found such a beautiful person, inside and out, to call my husband…you have no idea how grateful I am to have you in my life." Rain tiptoes up to meet Phayu in the middle when he leans down for a kiss. 

Awwww, Phayu is simping so much!! It's all for Rain, always for Rain!! Excuse me while I go melt.

Phayu gives a small short tug on Rain's hand and guides him toward the beach. They walk to the water's edge and then take a left walking toward where their shared cabin was located further down the beach. They don't walk very far when Rain sees soft twinkling little lights glowing near their cabin. Phayu turns and grins at him when they get closer and Rain realizes that it's a little blanket laid out with pillows and flowers atop one of the large two person daybeds just outside their cabin.

This sounds so beautiful!! Awwwwwwwwww

"I love you Phi." 

"I love you too sunshine." 

They are saying they love each other!! This will never not make me emotional, never...

"Sometimes I look at you and I wonder how you're even real…how I even got so lucky."

Phayu allows his forehead to fall forward until it's pressed against Rain's. His hands wiggle until they're once more pressed against the warm flesh of Rain's hips underneath his mesh top. Rain's own hands are toying with the loose hair at the back of Phayu's head. Phayu's hands are scalding as they lightly massage the skin around Rain's hips. Phayu had always adored Rain's waist and never failed to show Rain exactly how much by nearly never keeping his hands from it. 

"I think I might somehow have gotten luckier, Phi. You've genuinely changed my entire world. You saved me." 

They are so sweet, I can't... aahhh, I love this so much!! They saved each other, and it's so perfect!!

This time when Phayu sucks his way down Rain's body he doesn't hesitate to suck a litany of bruises the length of Rain's leg before swapping to the other leg. He focuses a lot of his sucking and biting on the meat of Rain's thighs before reaching out to his left and grabbing a bottle of lube that had been tucked between the cushion of the lounge bed and the frame of it. Phayu's fingers are deft and sure as they spread Rain open. Back then Phayu had been slow and cautious. He hadn't wanted to hurt Rain who had never done such things before. Now they were both seasoned pros. Rain didn't even have to speak for Phayu to know when he could move forward and when he needed to draw back. 

So hot!! Can their smut scene not be hot, though? All the bites... all the bruises... everything is so amazing

"P'Phayu belongs to Rain." 

"Damn right." 

"Language, brat." 

AAAAAAAA I love the reversal of the iconic line!!!

Even when their sex was rougher and edged the lines of pain, Rain still loved every minute of it. At this point he's pretty sure Phayu could do just about anything and Rain would enjoy himself. It wasn't just about the sex though as much as Rain loved that part. There was something so intoxicating about being so intimately tied to Phayu. Rain felt like he belonged to Phayu when they were pressed together like this. They belonged solely to one another in these shared moments. Phayu's undivided attention focused almost solely on their pleasure was heady and exhilarating. Rain had never felt so connected to another human being than he did in these short moments together.

I love this part that has Rain thinking about their sex, because it feels so much like them. It's wonderfully written

He couldn't wait for every quiet night curled together and every sleepy morning waking up to face the world together. He was ready for everything it meant to be married to Phayu. He was ready to love Phayu for the rest of his life and probably the next three lives after that. 

And I'm officially melted - this is so beautiful, perfect ending for their wedding story.

[rightpastnowhere]

MORE. FOR U

Ok ok ok we all collectively will not shut up about how Percy is endeared by Vex's ears, right? well UNO REVERSE CARD! His lil round human ears are so fucking cute to Vex. It's also very funny for her to parse out how sensitive they are vs half-elven or elven ears.

In modern AUs their taste in music seems very different at a glance but meshes SUPER well. Percy is rocking to MCR and anime intros and Fallout Boy and old rock'n'roll (that his dad and Julius loved), Vex is grinding to pop and country, and everyone is like 'surely not' until they pull up to give Pike a ride and are just blasting a Taylor Swift song together (she joins in obviously). Or on a train sharing earbuds and the poor folks the next seats over can hear Monster by Skillet from there and these two are mouthing along and sharing Dramatic Looks.

Trinket keeps bringing cubs home. He's a male bear, bears don't raise cubs in pairs (males don't participate at ALL), but he's a Ranger companion and lives as long as Vex does. And given he's a fit specimen he's probably the sire of a lot of cubs in the area (Vex and the Grey Hunt have got to watch out for inbreeding effects KJTRNHRKN). So every now and then he'll find a hurt or abandoned or sick cub and bring it back, and Vex nurses it back to health (and Dan too), and suddenly they Have Another Bear. Oh Dear. Sometimes Vex and Trinket make a conscious effort to train the cubs to live in the wild and release them a ways away once they're old enough, but the three bears we see in C3 is Only The Beginning.

The first time Percy tried really growing a beard, Vesper made Unhappy Faces when he'd give her kisses and in a fit he shaved it all off. He needed some talking-tos about it. His baby girl was SO upset and it make HIM upset OKAY -

It's advised that guests do not wander the halls of Castle Whitestone alone at night. They assume, naturally, that this is due to Ghosts or Restless Spirits - no the de Rolos are just. like that. Cass would rather everyone avoid the trauma of hearing them having a good time. Also the kids' darkvision means they have shining pupils if light hits them in the dark and someone fell down the stairs once so there's that too.

Percy fucking agonizes over blue now. Getting a gift to match Vex's feather takes up at least 3-12 hours of a given project. At this point he has custom paints mixed for it and will scour stalls and shops for gems of the right turquoise.

He also owns way more fur than he'd expect, because Vex is a ranger and can at least make a decent muffler or trim for mittens or ruff for his winter coat out of some of her more impressive catches. His favorite, though, is a tiny fur thing that's badly worn. Vex insists it's a bird. *it does not look like a bird,* it looks like a pointed rock with two bead eyes. It was the first thing she tried making him and it, well, it didn't come out as she'd expected. He still stims with it often, it practically lives in his pocket - like she was in Pandemonium, when VM were transformed into birds. She says she hates it, but his earnest adoration for this little silly thing she made really makes Vex so damn happy.

OH MY GOD SHE WOULD LOVE HIS EARS,,, HIS LIL ROUNDED EARS,,, SO SOFT N ROUND,,,,,,,, OMG

YOUR MUSIC TASTES FOR THEM ARE SO IN LINE WITH WHAT'S IN MY HEAD NGKJRNGK. vex imo has the most chaotic playlists because there's just one for all of her music. it switches from lizzo to mumford & sons without rhyme nor reason. and they WOULD be taylor swift stans with pike i LOVE THIS. AND GOD,, THE MENTAL IMAGE OF HER AND PERCY DRAMATICALLY LIP-SYNCING LIKE HUGE NERDS..... MY CROPS ARE WATERED. MY SKIN IS CLEAR

THIS IS ONLY THE BEGINNING NGKJRNKJGNR i simply think vex deserves an entire legion of bears who love her, and many of them on the castle grounds. only the best for the grand mistress of bears. (trinket mimicking vex's adopting behavior is SO CUTE I'M GONNA CRY)

percy upsets his baby One Time and suddenly he must change everything about himself. i love him so much i cannot stand it

NKGJNKJENG the de rolos fuck nasty and it is a burden upon those who think themselves to be fearless... my heart goes out to the unlucky few who dare. ALSO THE FUCKING. QUARTER ELVES. JUST LIKE A BUNCH OF CATS IN THE KITCHEN AT 2AM WHEN YOU WANT A SNACK. IS PERFECTION.

GERKGNERJN percy will do anything to maintain his wife's aesthetic

VEX CRAFTING HIM THINGS...... PERCY KEEPING HER FIRST LIL BAUBLE BECAUSE HE LOVES HER................ STIMMING WITH IT CAUSE IT'S SOFT................................ picturing vex finding out and endeavoring to acquire so many soft things, making him a bunch more knick-knacks once she's better at it, wearing soft clothes, just, oh my GOD she loves him SO MUCH

thank you again for this absolute unfathomable joy, i squeaked out loud at least 3 times, i am full of serotonin once more

[greekbros]

"greek-Bros": Spared no Expense

*Ares has invited Apollo, Artemis and Dionysus to Themiscyra*

Ares: Well I hope you guys like it, dad's been complaining about me not being "productive" enough for a god so I've decided to show you what I have been working on for a few weeks now. Spared no Expense.

Apollo: Well that is fine and all but I must ask why us?

Ares: Well why ask Athena to do the work of three already competent and much more trustworthy gods am I right?

Artemis: This place is huge seriously what have you been doing this whole time? Also the fuck do you mean "spared no expense" we're gods, money is completely beneath us.

Dionysus: Duuuuuude hope you set up some farms around here this place has got some nice greens.

Apollo: Um Dionysus, I'm wondering mostly because that outfit of yours suits you but why are you wearing a black button up? And where did you get those sunglasses?

Dionysus: *dressed up like Ian Malcolm* No reason why?

Ares: *literally dressed up like John Hammond* Yeah Apollo seriously I thought you were about that whole "clothes can mean whatever you want them to mean" stuff.

Apollo: *a little huffed at that remark* well then.

Ares: Ah we're here. *Stops his chariot*

Apollo: *turns and looks in awe at the distance with the over dramatic yet relatable disbelief of someone who has seen a fucking dinosaur*

Artemis: *had picked up a huge pinecone earlier* Ares, this species of pinecone shouldn't be here, this hasn't been around since th-*Apollo gently turns her head and is in equal disbelief*

*literally sees an entire civilization of purely just women*

Apollo: ....that's....that's all women ....this is literally more women I could have ever imagined seeing in one place

Artemis: Holy shit this looks actually cool

Dionysus: *who's been in on this fucking project the whole* He did it, that crazy son of a bitch did it. *Thunder rolling in the distance because he accidentally called Hera a bitch*...oh boi.

Ares: hehehe, welcome to Themiscyra.

*Jurassic Park theme*

Apollo:..Ares how did you even achieve this also why are there no men around?

Artemis: and why is that something you want to know?

Apollo: because to sustain such a population even you had officially kidnapped thousands of women or that has to be some sort of source of procreation.

Ares: Heheh, I did it all by myself, I told I spared no expense.

Apollo: oh my chaos you asexually reproduced these women?

Ares: What the fuck NO you glittery nerd. Remember I had that falling out with Aph a few months back?

Apollo: yes.

Ares: Well, I sat on the beach, trying to make myself feel better and after I was done I was really chafed so I took a nap. After like 2 weeks I woke up and I saw a bunch a little mounds all over the beach and I heard a baby crying, I dug were the sound was coming from and someone had buried alive infant on the beach. However I put two and two together and well....I'm dad of like roughly 39768 Amazonians. *Gives that smile one would give when they don't know they have done something impossible*

Apollo:...you...masterbated on the beach....than....this?

Ares:...yeah kind of. Oh by the way be careful with some of them because I haven't taught every single one of them to be social enough to not immediate kill anyone who isn't me in this place so stick with me ok?

Artemis: well sounds like my kind of people.

Apollo:.....you.... ejaculated....all over a beach...and..

Ares: Look I spared no expense that's all I can tell you. The advanced and "organized society" thing they did that all by themselves and I'm very proud.

Apollo:...for gods sake man

Dionysus: fuck yeeeaaaah bruh. *Hi fives Ares*.

Apollo: well....at least things can't get any worse*

*everything went worse after the Amazonians saw Apollo and Dionysus and everything went to slightly shit*

Bouns Scene:

Dionysus: *after some how breaking his leg, he lays down with his bare chest out seductively* We need to call for dad maybe he can help.

Ares: No I can't let him know about this he's gonna lose his shit.

Apollo: OH YOU THINK?!?

Ares: Look NO ONE told your sociopathic twin to hostility takeover after the girls accepted her into the city as a leader. I am going to give a serious talking to.

[lyrablack1883]

I read another fic I would like to recommend. I found it while browsing through old works. The story begin right after the war, the trial and so on. Told from Draco’s POV. Not eight year fic but yes they return to hogwart, Draco to serves his probations sentence under Hagrid’s and Harry with Hogwart repair. It’s beautifully heartbreaking. Exploring the aspect of who deserves to be saved. Harry character in this is just beautiful. While Draco’s is more humane? exploring more on imperfection, his needs to make his father proud and how it affects him after. It has 30k words and finished.

List of parts that made me pause reading it for a second. This next parts counts as spoiler, so if you plan to read the fic stop after this part. It’s a long list

Part 2, this whole part right here just absolutely heartbreaking

“Dada?" Teddy ventured, little voice soft.

Draco watched in astonishment as Potter's shoulders began to shake slightly, as his throat worked within the open collar of his shirt.

"No, Teddy," Potter whispered brokenly, his voice thick. "I'm not your dad. I'm not your dad."

With those words, Potter began to cry.

Little Ted's head cocked to one side as he watched the man before him weep quietly into his hands. After a moment of silent contemplation, the baby pushed himself onto his hands and knees and crawled the short distance between the two of them. Using Potter's legs, Teddy gripped his jeans and pulled himself up until he was standing on his wobbly little legs. He then toddled the two unsteady steps it took for him to be able to grab hold of Potter's wrists.

"Dada," he said softly, and to Draco it sounded almost as if the baby were trying to comfort Potter. Potter stiffened, and choked sobs emerged from behind his hands. Draco's mouth fell slightly open in wonder when little Teddy pressed his forehead against Potter's and their hair, the exact same shade of shiny black with faint blue highlights, mingled. Teddy began to pat Potter awkwardly on the back of his head, and Potter reached around the baby convulsively, his blunt-fingered hands fisting in the back of the Teddy's blue romper.

"I'm sorry, Teddy," he gasped against the baby's chest, sounding suffocated. "I tried, but I was too late. I was too late, and I'm so bloody sorry...”

Part 4

“I still believe you're worth saving.”

Part 9

Potter, Potter could have saved his father, and instead had walked away. And Draco was right back where he started, caught between desperation and hopelessness.

Part 11

Actually this whole chapter is written so beautifully, so many parts had me choked to tears.

The first one

“Did you have a choice?"

Draco felt anger surging through him, and he was glad for it. It was cleansing, somehow, cleared the passion-induced haze from his mind, and allowed him to see clearly.

"I had as much choice in my role as you did in yours," he hissed, applying more pressure to Potter's grip, twisting, but he still wouldn't release Draco's arm.

"What does that mean?" Potter asked, his knuckles whitening, his own brow furrowing.

"It means," Draco said in exasperation, "that I had a choice of taking the Mark, or watching my mother die. I could do what I was told, or I could take the Cruciatus. I could torture and maim at the whim of a madman, or I could die, Potter. Those were the choices. So yes, I had a choice. But some of us aren't meant to be heroes.”

The second

“What?" Draco broke in rashly. "That we had... something? That we could be something?" Draco shook his head frantically even as tears filled his eyes. "Well, get a clue, Boy Wonder, because that isn't going to happen. The chasm is too wide, Potter, there's too much water under the bridge, the horse has left the chute. Think of every fucking cliche you've ever heard in your entire miserable life, because it applies to this moment, right here."

Potter went very still, but he didn't move away. "This is about the Mark," he said, his voice sounding hollow.

Draco shook his head, incredulous. "This is about more than just the Mark."

Potter took a step closer to him, his hand extended. "I don't care about the Death Eater stuff anymore, Draco."

Draco's eyes went so wide in disbelief that it was painful. "The Death Eater 'stuff'?" he parroted snidely. "The Death Eater 'stuff'. I'm still living with the repercussions of that 'stuff' every fucking day of my life, Potter. My whole miserable existence is about that 'stuff'. I chop ferret guts and shovel hippogriff shit and read letters from my mother where I can see her heart breaking on the on the page and wait for the day when my father gets his soul sucked from him because of this 'stuff'. And you want to know the best part? The very best part? I allowed this thing to start with you because I planned to use you. How do you like that?" He laughed desperately at Potter's stunned expression, even though he'd never found anything less funny in his life.”

The third,

“Draco," he whispered, "some people don't deserve to be saved.”

The fourth

“Who are you..." Draco puffed, bucking his hips and trying to kick. "Who the fuck are you to decide who deserves to be saved?"

"Your father tried to kill a bunch of fourteen and fifteen-year-olds, did you know that?" Potter snarled, locking Draco's legs to the ground with his knees. "He wouldn't have batted an eyelash, he would have killed us as soon as looked at us. He stuck a fucking Horcrux in Ginny Weasley's cauldron when she was eleven years old. He's a nasty, abusive bastard. For fuck's sake, Draco, he let that monster have his only child!"

Draco went very still as the words registered, and he stared up into Potter's eyes as the horror of what he'd said sank in. And yet he realized, even as he knew that it was the truth, it didn't matter. Not then. Perhaps not ever. "Potter, I don't know how to live in a world without my father in it," he whispered faintly.”

The fifth, Just once again heartbreaking confession

“You're the most powerful wizard of the modern age, Potter..."

Potter made a slashing motion with his hand. "I'm not!" he countered. "If I was the most powerful wizard of the modern age, I'd have been able to take Voldemort out sooner, before he did so much damage, before so many died. I didn't save Fred Weasley, or Colin Creevey, or even Snape. I didn't save Dumbledore, and Sirius and Tonks..." His voice broke and he closed his eyes. "I wasn't good enough, don't you see? I killed the monster, but not before he'd taken George Weasley's twin, and Dennis Creevey's brother, and Teddy's parents..." He opened his eyes, and Draco stared, stunned, at the misery in them. "They all deserved to be saved, and I couldn't do it." Potter took another step toward Draco, pulling his wand from his sleeve as he did so. Draco steeled himself, but Potter just stood there, wand in hand. "You're right," he said flatly. "I'm not the person to decide who should live or die. I don't have the credentials for that. So, here, you have to disarm me, but I won't put up much of a fight. Take the wand from “from the tomb. But understand something," he paused, swallowing heavily, his face the color of chalk. "If you take it, you're going to have to kill me. Because they're going to come after you, Draco, and they're going to kill you, and I can't watch that. I so wanted to at least... save you." Tears were filling the green eyes then, and the wand in Potter's hand was trembling violently. "So, take the wand, do what you have to do. But kill me first, because you may not know how to live in a world without your father," he lifted his chin but his voice still trembled, "but I don't know how to live in a world without you."

The ending

I won’t include parts from the ending. It reminds me of running on air ending and a little bit of pride of prejudice oddly enough. But it had a really good ending. I say it ended just the way it should have end.

[roosterbox]

Fic Rec Friday 6/16/2023

Title: The Best Part of Me is That I’m the B-Side to You

Rating: Explicit

Archive Warning: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Category: M/M

Fandom: Stranger Things (TV 2016)

Relationship: Steve Harrington/Eddie Munson

Characters: Steve Harrington, Eddie Munson, And ensemble

Additional Tags: Hurt and comfort, Angst, Established Relationship, kind of, Fix-It, not a slow burn we burn fast like cheap cigarettes, [magnolia park's "i'm back on my bullshit" plays in the background]

Summary: Maybe it was too early to say that. Maybe it was too early to say Steve was in love. He usually fell hard. He thought he was in love with Nancy Wheeler. He fell hard for her too.

But Eddie Munson?

Eddie Munson is intoxicating.

----

AKA the one where Steve and Eddie have been dating Eddie's entire senior year.

———

*heavy breathing*

Okay. So. This one is a bit of a doozy for me. I hope the 80k isn’t too intimidating for you - if it is, I get it - because holy shit I cannot recommend it enough. You know a fic is fucking good when you read it once and immediately resign yourself to never reading it again because it’s just… too much. That was me months ago when I first read this. The very thought brought me to tears. And if that wasn’t enough, I couldn’t listen to Head Over Heels again until like a week or two ago, lol. And now I’ll have to wait months and months again before I can listen to it without immediately tearing up. The power of incredible writing.

This is probably (definitely) my favorite of the ‘Steve and Eddie are secretly dating’ subgenre of Steddie fics. As well as my favorite ‘Eddie and Steve knew each other while Steve worked at Scoops’ story. They’re both very niche genres, of course. So much of this fic has kind of wormed itself into my brain and my own headcanons that re-reading it for this rec was an eye-opening experience. “Wait, that was from this? I thought I made that up!”

I never would have thought that a substitute phrase for I Love You could make me tear up, but dammit, if I even slightly think of the words “I’m forever yours,” I’m gone. In tears as we speak. With that out of the way, yes - I cried again while re-reading it. Not as much as I did the first time, mind you, but yeah. Y’all know me; I am as soft as a gently baked batch of cookies.

To summarize: cute boys being cute together and almost dying makes Roosterbox cry like a baby, lol.

Highly, highly recommended.

Important side note: No link, except to the login page. The writer has locked the fic for the time being. Not gonna complain or judge them for it (if they’re reading this, I understand - you do what you feel you must), just FYI. You can still find it if you have an Ao3 account.

———

Next Week: Okay guys, I’m gonna level with you. I think it’s time to dive headfirst into one of my favorite fic tropes. One that a loooooot of people aren’t into. For various reasons. And I get it. I do, I swear I do. But you know… it’s always been one of my comfort tropes. I am, of course, talking about the M word. Mpreg. And it’s my favorite type of Mpreg story: one where it isn’t explained. Is it ABO? Maybe but probably not. Is the guy trans? Maybe. Is it just that men can get pregnant in this universe? Maaaaaaaybe. Draw your own conclusions and/or have your own headcanon. Just enjoy the ride.

Oh, and it’s Arthur/Eames by the way. Figured that was important to mention.

Until next week, darlings ❤️

[duelistkingdom]

name: project gold rush (unofficial title)

main characters: violet foxglove & karma carter

plot: violet foxglove, age seventeen, is on the cusp of greatness. capitol records has signed her when she was only fifteen and given her complete creative freedom in her career with only one catch: they get to control her image. it is a more than fair trade in her mind and she gets to work right away on the pop album she’s always wanted to make but could never afford to make. everything is going fine until karma carter, age eighteen, crashes into her life. karma is a nepotism baby, who never wants for anything. an internationally known model with her sights are set on violet, and what karma wants, karma gets. with all the scandal and drama, it’s no wonder the two are in the tabloids all the time - but that doesn’t mean any of them know the truth.

elevator pitch: project gold rush is a romance novel set in the early 2000s and takes place over the course of decades as two rich girls learn what really matters in life.

warnings: closeting, homophobia, sexism, exploitation, manipulation, abusive parents

author's note regarding this section: this takes place in 2003 when violet is 21, karma is 23.

if you like my work, support me on kofi

Exhausted was too light of a word to describe how Violet felt after the meet and greet that had lasted for longer than she'd expected. The entire time, she reminded herself that she was lucky. That everyone would kill to be in the position she was in. She hide her exhaustion as much as she could, mirroring the energy that was shown to her. The final fan left, and Violet finally allowed herself to yawn. "Get me to Kar," she said, stretching. It didn't even occur to her what she had just said, but perhaps lucky for her, no one seemed to realized the implication of what she'd just said. "Want Kar," she said softly, rubbing her eyes.

"We can get you a car," Jessica said gently, rubbing Violet's arm. "We'll get in the car and get to Miss Carter's place. You did amazing today, Miss Foxglove."

"I'm so proud of you, sweetie," Angela said, hugging Violet tight. "You were professional and sweet all night. That's sure to leave an amazing impression on everyone. Jess, make sure people know that my daughter was professional, kind, and went above and beyond with her meet and greet."

"Consider it done, Mrs. Foxglove," Jessica said as she led Violet towards the changing room. "Vi, I imagine you're ready to get out of that make up and tight clothes into something more comfortable. No one should photograph you anymore tonight, so feel free to relax."

No one photographing her tonight meant that Violet could dress down in the Juicy tracksuit she'd bought herself with her first paycheck, but if she was going to see Karma... did she want to look dowdy? She wanted Karma to think she was hot, but she had no excuse for staying in her meet and greet outfit. If only she could come up with a good enough reason to stay in the mini skirt and tight cami... but none came to mind so she obediently changed, wishing more than ever that her life was hers. She imagined an alternate world where homophobia did not exist, where people accepted the idea of a pop star who openly loved women, who desired them, who sang about fucking them and loving them and having her heart broken by them. She imagined her mother not having an opinion on the gender of who she dated, and could almost cry at the thought.

Exhaustion overtook Violet before she knew it, and somewhere between changing and the car, she'd fallen fast asleep still in her dream world.

Violet felt like she was sinking deep into the ocean. Everything around her was black, cold, and shoving against her. For once, all the light was gone from her world. She blinked, finally waking to a room she didn't recognize. It wasn't Karma's room, and it wasn't the hotel she'd fallen asleep in last night either. The sounds of the city were gone, and it left an eerie feeling. She threw the blankets off her, rubbing the back of her neck where the sweat had caused the strands to stick. How was it so hot? The city was always so cold in October, and yet in here it was suffocating. She was still in the velour tracksuit, and that might be part of the reason.

She got out of the bed entirely, heading towards to the window. She peaked out the curtain, and to her surprise, the sight of New York City greeted her at least twenty floors below her. There was no risk of anyone below being able to see her peaking out the curtains - she was safe up here in the clouds. No one could take any photos of her, and she was hidden behind the curtains entirely if she wanted to. Her brain was foggy as she tried to sort out where she was brought to: the kind of place that would be a horror for anyone else to wake up in without any context clues. However, she remembered the fans swarming her hotel room, chasing her out of the place. From the point of view she had, she'd take a stab that she was in Upper Manhattan. With that, she was certain she was in Karma Carter's home but in a room she was not normally in.

Certain of where she was now, she left the room in hopes of finding Karma. She could hear her parents' snoring when she left, and she realized just how big Karma's place in New York actually was. It always felt so small and cozy when it was just the two of them, but now that Karma was able to put her parents, Jessica, and herself in separate rooms, it struck Violet how unnecessarily large the space was. It was harder to pretend to be just a normal girl when she was padding through the wooden floors of her supermodel best friend's penthouse home. None of the sounds of the city touched them, and Violet imagined that this was a luxury not normally afforded to those who lived elsewhere in the city. Was she right to feel guilty for the excess, or should she simply accept that she will never be a normal person ever again? It was, after all, what she had wished for.

No, it wasn't. What she'd wished for was being able to sing songs she'd written for an audience who could see her. But as long as she was keeping secrets and holding everything close to her chest, she would never have that. She could have fame and fortunate, she could have cars and glitzy award shows, but she could never truly have an audience who could see her for who she was. And it felt like the floor she was walking on suddenly became tilted - everything she'd ever wanted was now forever out of her reach. And who would sympathize with a bitch like her? She'd agreed to the terms Capitol Records had set in front of her, and signed on the dotted line.

The memory of Liam snaking his arm around her waist while she was at the Grammys hit her again, and Karma on the red carpet so far away. As long as she was under contract with Capitol Records, she could never openly be with Karma. And it was better for the both of them that it remained just friends who sometimes messed around. She couldn't ask Karma to keep secrets just to be with her. Karma's door was in front of her, and Violet hesitated, her hand on the handle. If she walked in, Karma would want to talk. She'd want a straight answer out of her. And she just didn't have any answers for her.

Once again, any choice Violet might have had in the matter was ripped away from her when Karma opened the door for her. Karma opening the door yanked Violet forward, causing the two girls to crash into each other and leaving Violet on top of Karma. Violet blinked, once again unsure of how she'd gotten in her current position. "Ah," she said softly, pushing herself up. "I'm sorry."

"Vi," Karma said softly, sitting up herself. Her long limbs reached forward to shut the door behind them. Now just the two of them behind closed doors - where secrets were best kept. "I'm sorry... I shouldn't... have gotten upset that you said we were just friends in front of your publicist and mom. I mean.... I haven't told my mom either and we never... defined this."

"No, we hadn't... and I don't think we should."

Karma furrowed her brow and tilted her head. "Vi, even if... we can't publicly..."

"I can't... it's more complicated than that." Instinctively, she put physical distance between the two of them. "I made... a mistake. Kar... this... isn't fair to you."

"And who said I want fair?" It was like her eyes were ablaze - that long burning Greek fire. In the dark, her hair was like the woods that Violet found herself wandering in. Her skin was like marble - like the Pantheon. "Because Violet Foxglove, I have never once told you that I wanted fair or easy."

"I can never come out," Violet said, finally admitting the scary truth of what she'd done. "I signed that away when I signed to Capitol Records... I gave them full control over my image. I didn't... realize the magnitude of what I'd done until I met you. As long as I'm signed to Capitol Records.... they would never, ever let me come out."