#nothing just felt like passing the time | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

violettierre · 2 years

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Some Tokrev charts cuz i felt like it

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zaphiyy207 · 7 months

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Thoughts

"Every life changing events, there's no doubt we'll change."

"But one thing I wanted to stay unchanged is being beside you...so.."

"If there's a next life, let me be reborn with you."

#kirby #meta knight #bandana waddle dee #king dedede #kirby of the stars #hoshi no kaabii #hoshi no kirby #return to dreamland squad #this is nothing serious shjshsj #its just that thought that you wanted to stay by someone side forever because you love them too much #in a way this is kind of inspired by 'sweet time' by Porter Robinson #how is this in Kirby's pov. not even i know but here I am #I just woke up from a nap to post this. How is everyone doing #I have interesting issues with my legs #They're healing well but man why do my body felt like it's falling apart and I'm barely in my 20s #I always rambled abt myself huh? Sorry sorry back to the art #if i scratch my memory hard enough. I think this kind of inspired by the next gen au of Kirby?#The longing of meeting them again if one had passed on #and also demon slayer. i cannot get rid of that hyperfixation anytime soon #the line of 'reborn together as someone close in our next life" has been my favourite to implement in stories that revolve around death #okay enough rambles #tata :D <33

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archduke-enver-gortash · 24 days

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mmm essay about sally and kid gort in the tags (cw for child abuse, mentions of suicide, animal cruelty and a murder attempt. i always hope i don’t have to say this but just in case: i don’t excuse or condone any of her or gort’s behaviour at all.) this is literally not even touching upon everything i have to say because i hit the fucking tag limit lmao. NOBODY READ IT’S BAD BRAINSTORMING I JUST NEEDED TO GET IT OUT SOMEHOW

#thinkin too much about gortie side characters again.#sally this time and why she specifically talks about him the way she does #like dravo is obviously still shitty but to me he was. ‘just ‘neglectful #while sally actively hated and even felt terrorised by her own child #like. it’s not like i don’t understand her at all.#imagine you and your love don’t have much besides each other and your shop and you get pregnant and ready to raise a child #only for it to not be a child he didn’t and doesn’t cry ever and he learns everything so much sooner than most but then he never calls you #his parents and it’s not just a petty thing kids do sometimes you feel that he doesn’t see you as family and the worst part is that you #agree deep down #and as he gets older he doesn’t have any friends and actively rejects the notion of the entire concept #but then as time passes you hear about how he has entire groups of children following him and then several of them commit suicide #and that thing coming to sit with you and dravo at the dinner table says that he did what you did last week when the axe to chop wood broke #and you discarded it and got a new one #and he has these habits of ripping out flowers and making sure that they don’t regrow #and then you hear rumours about a friend’s daughter’s cat disappearing and think nothing of it #until you visit his tree house a month later and find a declawed cat and birds with clipped wings and crushed bugs that he keeps fondly #and then you see him with other children and they don’t know and his face is different and body language is entirely different #and were it not for the fact that you know better you would never see anything but a normal child #and you know that you are one who painstakingly brought this thing that should not be into the world and so you decide to end it all one da #and go to him as he’s asleep with the knife shaking in your hand #but he cries when you’re above him! screams at the top of his lungs!#so you beg for forgiveness even though you don’t deserve it through tears but as soon as the knife is put away you see the act drop and fee #his clever fingers having twisted your brain inside and out and you know that you can do nothing #and so the opportunity arises to at least remove him out of your life if not everyone’s lives and you take it immediately.#but you heard him talk. how he will close his fist around the world one day. and you know that it is not a matter of if but when.#like. imagine that. jesus dude.#like i hc her as someone that is messy and does not know a lot about life and she certainly wouldn’t have been a good mother but the love #or at least desire to love is there somewhere. and believing that having a child is really the only somewhat meaningful thing she can do #with her life. she’s not some hero or rich or anything of note. so there’s a lot obligation and not genuine desire for family here.#but she never really got the chance to be an actual mother in the first place so. who knows what that might have looked like

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opens-up-4-nobody · 1 month

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...

#sorry im thinking abt death again #because it's weird to think that ive been in the room. maybe a meter away from someone as they died #that someone being my mom. its just weird. the time in the hospital feels like it happened in some dark little pocket universe detached from #time. a calm room and then the soft blips of a monitor then the nurse rushing in to say she'd passed #i dont kno y ppl use that phrase: passed on. i mean i do. it softens the topic. makes it sound peaceful. ive yet to use it. i just say she #died bc thats what happened. is that insensitive? i dunno. when i was home i realized that i come off as much stranger than i think. the way #my family see me doesnt fit how i see myself. i dont kno what to do with that. i dunno. theyre all together today #for an early easter. and im halfway across the country again. nose so stuffy ive had to mouth breathe for the last 3 days #and again. everything feels the same as it did before but also profoundly different. sometimes i cry in the mornings. or when i think abt #future vacations she wont be there for. bc in the end she quickly slipped away in a way that couldn't be described as peaceful until her #last half a day. and all i can think about in that tiny room is how scary it would be to lose control like that #and how its not fair and she didnt deserve to die only halfway through a lifetime. but its not about fair and its not about deserving.#sometimes bad things just happen. that's life. and now i own a book called motherless daughters. and now im standing with the countless #others who've lost their moms too early. ive already become aware of 3 ppl in my daily life who are in the same club #i keep thinking about this moment that happened between my parents at the hospital. apparently my dad was helping her get cleaned up and her #stomach was so bloated she looked like she had a bby in there. which my dad said. and my mom apparently said: but it's a baby no one want. i #dont kno y that upsets me so much. all the things i heard abt her being in the hospital before i got there upset me. and the rest of my #family was there to see it. so i have the least traumatic version of the story. and i got almost 27 years with her. except my sisters #probably got more time with her bc i spent so much time away. or maybe not. i dunno.#i dunno. im just sad that shes gone and sad that it was drawn out even a little bit. 6 days isnt long but im sure it felt like an eternity.#again not fair. nothings fair. 53 years of unfairness culminating in a tragedy. she would hate me characterizing it like that. she lived a #full life as they say. full with an asterisk on account of length #unrelated

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dutybcrne · 5 months

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Kaeya was definitely the kind of kid who never threw tantrums and was willing to accept the bare minimum for everything, thinking he didn’t deserve to press for more (at first bc he thought he’d be kicked out if he did, then bc he just felt so guilty and uneasy doing so out of habit).

It’s only thanks to Diluc and especially Adelinde that he eventually came to advocate for himself more.

#hc; kaeya #//Lets face it; Diluc was prolly his biggest advocate throughout their childhood #//Kae had to be careful how much his gaze lingered on anything; bc otherwise Luc would jump the gun and either ask for it for him #//Or get it for him himself; which Kae found Utterly Mortifying #//Appreciated; but felt embarrassed when a Crepus or others stared at him like they Knew he was the one who actually wanted it #//Adelinde is the one who actively worked to help Kae be more independent; otherwise he would have just relied on Diluc for everything #//Damn near passed tf out asking Crepus for his own sword to follow in Diluc’s footsteps (Crepus already made the order bc he knew he did)#//Prolly still let Diluc do things for him even as they got older bc it made him feel important and relied upon #//Letting him play best big bro of the year; with that one #//Fell back into his old anxious habit when Diluc left. Stopped asking for things from anyone #//Addie took over getting things for him or being there with him for a bit while he emotionally readjusted to Luc’s absence #//Mostly the former; it’s the very reason he’d stayed at the Winery instead of running off with nothing after The Fight #//He felt so bad; but she understood he was still emotionally Reeling and needed a bit of support before he got back up on his own #//He still hates asking for things and such; but he hides it well #//Under charms and jokes or favors #//Or bc mom friend instinct overrode his nerves; that too #//Got thrown so bad by Diluc coming back; the first time he tried to ask him a favor; he just pissed him tf off on accident #//Wanted to hurl himself into Cider Lake first chance he got immediately after #//Still believes Diluc would refuse any favors he requests of him rather than accept #//Even if he has yet to actually do so; and everyone and their grandmothers Know Diluc wouldn’t either #//Thinkings bc am Obsessed w the idea that Diluc is still so doting; he let himself get arrested for a kid he didn’t even know #//After Kae outright falsely accused him of murder to his face; and Everything that happened That Night #//Just bc Kae asked him to #//And even rewarded Kae on a job well done with actual booze & let him stick around after the ordeal #//And that’s without mentioning the OTHER things Kae has gotten out of him in game with minimal effort/cost #//Lisa & Elzer are Aware Diluc would cave to Kae’s requests for things; w only mild complaining (& Elzer even says he doesn’t rlly MEAN it)#//And yet Kae still thinks he is like all the other things Diluc ‘got rid of bc he doesn’t need them’ anymore #//Heck; I veered off topic. RAAAAHHH #//But yeah; bby Kae was a shy nervous Wreck; and present Kae stole Bby!Luc’s confidence; send tweet blah blah blah

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hella1975 · 1 year

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by pure evil accident taob zuko's current mental state is the exact same as the one ive been stuck in for the past few weeks and that's a bit funny to me. like i started writing this chapter months ago and knew what i was doing with it even longer ago and suddenly ive manifested it into reality. we are both facing the horrors rn

#when the angry character finally learns to acknowledge their rage not as its own problem but as a coping mechanism to the problem #& faces at once the relief of finding the source of all this anger & the horror of realising that the anger itself was never the final boss #and it leaves them in a depressive state where they actually MISS the anger because at least that was active and - in a sense - dignified #whereas this just feels stilted and mopey and like each day is passing and you're losing time doing nothing #but you cant shake it anyway and wow im no longer talking about zuko!!!! we stay embarassing ourselves over taob!!!!#like i realised just now while staring off into space stirring my tea that the reason this particular depressive episode has hit me so hard #(aside the fact it's been a pretty extreme one and my paranoia has rlly flared up to the point ive felt honest to god CRAZY lately haha)#is because it's so DIFFERENT to how i usually respond to feeling like this #like normally my temper gets very quick and i completely isolate and i get mean and sharp #and i convince myself that everyone is out to get me and/or hates me and therefore i must manipulate everyone in my life #and ofc NONE OF THOSE THINGS ARE A GOOD RESPONSE. I AM NOT PROUD OF THEM #THEY ARE ALSO NOT NEARLY AS BAD AS HOW I USED TO BE HENCE I KNOW I AM GETTING BETTER #SLOWLY PAINFULLY WITH MY NAILS DIGGING IN THE DIRT BUT I AM GETTING BETTER ALL THE SAME #but STILL despite how awful those things are they're also very external. like i hurt the people around me in order to protect myself #and there's a dignity to that. there's more control there even if ultimately it's a lack of control causing it #like i have some fucked opinions from my upbringing and ik that like im quite a selfish person and it's bc i was raised to truly believe #that hurting others is always optimal over letting myself be seen as weak. like if my options are to hurt someone even someone i love #or let myself be vulnerable then sometimes i STILL will pick the former (it used to be all the time though <3 progress is progress)#and anger has always been sold to me as a very dignified STRONG emotion and it's how you're SUPPOSED to respond to badness #otherwise you're weak and a baby and pathetic etc etc #and just bc you know something is wrong doesnt mean you didnt internalise the fuck out of it anyway #like i will always see anger as the 'dignified' emotion and unlearning it regardless of that has been one of the hardest things ive done #('wow hella your own journey with mental illness is the literal exact same as taob zuko's-' i will hospitalise the both of us)#whereas currently ive just been sad and pathetic and oversharing to anyone who will listen and desperate for someone to look at me #and be like 'you're not okay' and to fix it FOR ME. like im not ANGRY im SAD and im not used to that response #AND GUESS WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENS THIS CHAPTER BY PURE FUCKING COINCIDENCE?? LITERALLY WHAT #like it's been happening for a few chapters that we're finally moving from anger to sadness on my unofficial healing chart #ever since zuko's outburst with hakoda when zi se had that tantrum #but this is the first time we see Sad Coping Mechanism as a response to a problem instead of Angry Coping Mechanism #taob updates

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caluski · 3 months

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having a glass or two of white wine even though im working (still) lets see if it makes things any easier

#i havent had alcohol in like three weeks and i thought about it today for a moment and i felt dizzy. how could it be that three weeks had #passed when this whole time felt like just such .. blur #have i even done anything but work thorough this whole time. i feel like thats all i do everyday #working during the week and working during the weekend. nothing else. girl im going so stupid crazy #pogaduchy

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da-proti-toku-grem · 29 days

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feeling like a total asshole today 👍

#an aunt's mom passed away yesterday night #i didn't really know her that much just spoke to her a few times for the typical merry christmas & happy new year you know #so when my mom told me i felt bad for my aunt bc i knew they were really close but i don't feel SAD #but my parents seemed to be like so shocked and sad and my little brother even started crying #and i felt absolutely nothing #idek what my mom saw in my face but she went like 'don't you feel anything?' and like wtf am i supposed to feel #like. i'm sorry for my aunt and everything but i just?????#that already made me feel like an absolute asshole but now we have to go there (like 2hours away by car)#and because i am an adult now i *have* to go to the funeral home (?) today and to the funeral tomorrow #and i REALLY don't want to and thought it's making me so fucking anxious bc i haven't been there since my grandma passed away 2 years ago #i really don't want that feeling that i felt back then to come back #not right now #not when i've been starting to feel a bit better this past week #but i'm already failing at that because they started to come back the moment i was told i have to go #and i feel like a fucking asshole because my aunt's mom literally passed away and she (and her whole family) must be heartbroken right now #and all i can think about is that i'm anxious #i'm anxious to go back there. i'm anxious just thinking that i'll have to express my condolences to people that i don't even know #i'm anxious because i'll have to TALK to people and at least try to look a bit SAD but i can't just fake it #bc if i don't look sad my brain tells me that i'm an asshole that doesn't have feelings like apparently everyone around me has #but if i fake it my brain tells me that i'm an asshole bc why tf do i have to fake my fucking personality #why can't i just express my fucking feelings like normal people do and the only thing that i know how to do is fucking complain #like. i know i rant a lot here but it's literally the only place where i talk about my feelings #i NEVER talk about my feelings with anyone because idk HOW to do it #i have like a million things in my mind that i want to tell my mom or my therapy for example but when i finally convince myself to do it #i just CAN'T. the thoughts won't leave my mouth because i don't know how to phrase them properly #so nothing ever leaves my mind unless i make a post here bc apparently writing my thoughts in english (my 2nd language)#is easier than talking in spanish #and at least if i write them here they don't just stay bottled up in my mind #but i'm too tired of myself and my stupid brain that tells me that i do everything wrong :/#i'm gonna shut up now bc i once again reached the tag limit

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my-current-obsession · 9 months

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Pros of dating Margaret in RF4 - she's very cute and sweet and all around lovely. She's also the only girl to get a skill exclusive to romancing her, and it is BUSTED. Her healing rainbow wave is the best support move in the game, IMO.

Cons of dating Margaret in RF4 - Unless you get obscenely lucky or choose to save scum a lot, you will NEVER be able to marry her.

#rune factory #rf4 #rf4 margaret #to be clear this is a SLIGHT exaggeration. eventually you'll get her FOUR required events. but...#expect it to take so long that there is virtually NOTHING left to do in the game #you can EASILY beat rune prana AND do all the eliza requests before being able to marry margaret #and at that point what is left? trying to gold crown all shipment stuff? that's SO tedious and NOT fun #at that point i can't find the motivation to keep playing and just want to start over #fun fact on my FIRST playthrough of the game - before i knew how everything worked - i dated margaret #i fell in love with her almost instantly and get her 'thoughts lost in the lake' event very early on #we were like 3-4 FP level so it felt like the natural and organic point to switch to calling her Meg #and THEN i got her mini-event right before confessing (successfully! on the first try!) at 7 #so not only was i REALLY digging her but the game had given me these lovely coincidences to make it feel RIGHT #it just felt so natural and real to date her and i was so excited to eventually marry her #but then. BUT THEN. literal YEARS passed in game. so many dates. affection WELL PAST 10 hearts.#but her other 3 events eluded me. i got ONE eventually. but my patience ran out.#i didn't necessarily want to be a cheater but i knew the game allowed me to date multiple people with no repercussions #so i started confessing to the other girls. at first just clorica since she was my second fave at the time...#but then xiao pai as well since clorica was NOT biting and i could only take so many platonic just friendsly 'i love you too's #i ended up dating xiao pai 2nd and she was the first person i married. and she's probably my favorite girl now #but i kept a save file where i rejected her because i still held out hope for margaret #in the meantime i decided to go for as much content as possible and aimed to date/marry ALL the girls #and let me tell you - i SUCCEEDED. in ONE file where i initially JUST wanted to marry margaret...#i ended up dating and marrying EVERY OTHER GIRL first. and i STILL never got all the events i needed before finally giving up #i like margaret a lot but marrying her is SUCH a pain. on my recent NEW file i got lucky and got 3 of her events in a single year #so my hopes are up and i chose to date her again. but in my mind and heart i know - i FEAR - her final event will just never proc #anyway take it from me - she's a trap. unless you have the patience of a SAINT you should pursue literally anyone else #thank god none of the dudes cause me similar issues

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miamicommune · 1 month

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ultrakill fandom and disco elysium are maybe the best at flanderising characters ive seen in a long time

#like ok shipping is fun but why are u drawing Personified Genocidal Hunger with Leon Trotsky (POST-TRAINING-MONTAGE)#why do u need to draw these two racist ableist cops kissing. does nothing else speak to u.#one of the things i rly loved abt disco elysium's fandom early on was that instead of just getting Standard Fandom art a lot of it felt...#like stuff u might actually see in the game/engaged with the themes but it's slowly given way to flanderisation and shipping it's bland #as for ultrakill when the latest update came out all the art was staggeringly on brand with the game's tone and it was sick #but as time passed between the final cut's release/ultrakill update it just slowly faded back into standard bland fandom shit #always just reminds me of that poll abt DE where it turned out a huge chunk of the fandom hadn't actually played it like yeah that tracks #if u had played them u might be engaging with the source material not just using the characters as Vessels For Mid Yaoi

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tkbrokkoli · 3 months

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just had the worst hair cut experience :(

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cextra-loz · 1 year

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Today I was able to stand for a new limit of 50 minutes when my physical symptoms are at their most minimal in a controlled environment. So we know 50 is the max now we're trying to reach 1 hour. I feel like I could've reached an hour with how I was feeling but the muscle endurance in my legs wouldn't have let me. I'm reaching a weird stage in my progress where its been so long since my body has had to support my weight for that long the blood pooling in my soles irritates and hurts like hell the days afterwards so now i'm rubbing the my feet like i've worked a hard day to prevent the inflammation from impeding my progress. I feel tho if I can reach that 1 hour limit I can reach longer times with practice. Its been years since i've stood for so long i'm really excited to keep practicing and hopefully keep improving. Last year around this time I was barely reaching 35 maybe 40 if I really really pushed- during my least symptomatic hours. Those extra 10 minutes might not mean much but since the beginning of my illness I never imagined i'd be able to make it to 30 let alone 50. I felt pretty good this session too which is the most important part, I feel like its the lack of muscular stamina that held me back rather than cardiac endurance. Anyway update is over, if I reach that 1 hour time it'll be a happy day I cannot tell how long it'll take me to reach that time but with some more practice I think a few weeks or months at least i'd imagine maybe even sooner. I'm so happy lets go! Dreams do come true at least 4 me ehehe!