#nothing worse than feeling like shit
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#nothing worse than feeling like shit#being sad and angry#and having no one to talk about it with#maybe there are ppl but I'm scared of bothering them anyway#🙃🙃🙃🙃#anyway I'm just gonna go read the time article I guess
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if you as a fic reader ever become possessed by the urge to do a popularity bracket with the fics other people wrote and shared for fun and for free, consider:
don't ❤️
#just!!!! make a rec list!!!!!!!!!#popularity contests do nothing but drive writers out of fandoms by pitting people against their friends#and invariably result in people being assholes in the comments as if the people who wrote the fic can't see it#like ''oh clearly fic x is better than fic y''#or ''why is fic c even in this poll?''#nobody gains anything by you doing a bracket to see which fic is the ''most popular''#a stat which could be found more easily & less cruelly by simply hitting the sort by bookmarks/kudos button on ao3#anyway ugh. i saw that one of my fics was being pitted against one of my friend's fics in this bracket that's going around#and i have no idea who is ''winning'' because i refuse to look. but either way it's gonna feel bad!!!#because i want my friend to get his flowers so i want him to win!!! but i also would like to know that people like my fic!!!!#so it's just a lose/lose situation even though i generally don't give a shit about numbers#but this turns it into a schoolyard popularity thing#and the emotional response to having people *vote* on if your work is *better or worse* than other fic is hard to ignore#cannot reiterate enough JUST MAKE A REC LIST#or if you absolutely must do a bracket like this do it in a private chat server or something#don't create a public forum for people to pass value judgements where the authors can see it#and feel bad if they get told their fic is ''worse'' than someone elses#but also feel bad if they get told theirs is ''better'' because it came at the cost of telling another author they weren't good enough#ANYWAY i still feel sick with a super sore throat and a headache & am probably extra cranky because of it#(still testing negative thankfully so it's probably just weather/allergen related)#gonna go make some tea and prep the fic updates i want to post today#cass says things#fandom problems#wank adjacent
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Starting to almost wish I could just go do this fucking presentation today solely bc I’m getting mad and tired of the anxiety, how is it physically possible to be this anxious for so many days straight. There has to be a limit how long u can be on the verge of an anxiety attack like ????
#it’s stupid#cant sleep cant eat over ’’ppl are paying attention to me for 20minutes or so’’#i hate this so so much#bc like I KNOW it’s overreacting and unreasonable and it never is as bad as I think but knowing that won’t do shit for the anxiety#like it will he here until I’m back home tmrw after having presented it#at least it’s only like a day of this anymore but I don’t have the energy for this for even one more goddamn minute#literally what could happen in that presentation that would be worse than feeling like this??#the realistic worst case possible is that I lose my train of thought or have a ’’brain doesnt work’’ moment and have to take like 20secs to#gather myself and like maybe if someone asks a question I don’t have an answer to#but like I won’t die or anything#even if it’d be awkward (it will be awkward) that’s legit nothing#I’m ’’just some guy’’ to the ppl and after leaving the building they’ll never think abt my stupid ass presentation again#so wHY cant I fucking chill#april 2024#2024
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so my general paranoia has always been pretty bad (hi ocd) but I thought it was more manageable the past few years as I've matured and gotten better at catching myself before I spiral, but recently (as in the past three weeks or so) it's been so bad that I do things impulsively as I'm spiralling without even realising it and it's been negatively affecting the way I perceive how friends think of me which I do NOT want to start happening again because that sucked. Idk why it's happening but I'd be grateful for any advice idrk what else to say about it.
#But anyways if you catch me acting really strange (more than usual)#or saying/doing things that seem overly docile or apologetic it's just another spiral don't worry about it#I genuinely don't know why it's gotten so much worse like I didn't change my meds I didn't change my diet I didn't change my habits#nothing crazy happened#I just have no idea#forcing myself to be vulnerable to my friends because I need help and it's about time I let people know that#affirmations certainly help but I feel so so bad asking for them like 'ohh I'm just fishing for compliments' or 'ohh I need someone to say#smthn nice every 6 seconds or I die' or 'ohhh I'm being so dramatic wahh' you know how it is#I at first thought it was just one or two occasions but no it's happened repeatedly consistently with ALL of my friends#and even coworkers and professors#I need to get out of my head I apologise to everyone who's ever had to deal with me spiralling#I promise I don't say the shit I do because I want you to feel bad for me I just genuinely in the moment am thinking that way#I know it's bad and after it's over I feel awful about it but idk what to do
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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality
#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh#like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good#but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees#the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support#and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well#like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people#maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a#whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously#women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women#or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak#like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years#but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people#i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse#drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles#+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries#and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation#isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote#*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now#and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad#but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing#and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol
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i think it's one of the worst parts of my mental illness when i unintentionally develop a really REALLY intense interest and it happens to be not a normal interest but an actual real person (not even the dead ones unfortunately) i do my best not to act like some creepy stalker (..it's very important to me for obvious reasons so um. i really do nothing inappropriate but i MIGHT act a bit too stupid but like. that's all i suppose.) but it feels SO FUCKING.... AWFUL AND LONELY AND 😭😭 i'm so tired i don't want to be a horrible person or a weird freak but i constantly feel like one and ughhghhhh
#this happens quite regularly since childhood#but like. it seems to get even worse over the years#i feel slightly better now than several months ago i try to focus on more normal interests#...but my previous similar obsession lasted for 7-8 years and it scares the shit out of me tbh#if you read pandora hearts it feels like jack's obsession with lacie kind of thing😭#well only the 'my life is so empty but i need nothing from you just let me see you again' part#not th killing people and destroying the world part ofc xDD#😭
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God I wish I could remember what Oda once said about mothers in One Piece... I can't remember if it was about Luffy's mother in particular or moms in general, but he essentially joked about how you'd have to be A Really Horrible Mother to allow your child to go off and become a pirate (dangerous business no loving mother would allow)
And just... My vague memory of that comment is living in my head right now, because truly, if Crocodile somehow is Luffy's mom, truly nothing would make him a worse mom than
Literally trying to murder his child and beating him to near death multiple times the first time they actually meet
Going so far to stop being a mom that he became a dad instead
#Moon posting#Honestly I can't help but to feel that if the theory is true I don't think Crocodile has any positive feelings about Luffy#Like I don't think he'd see Luffy as his child or. Anything#Like the vibe I get is that Luffy to him would be nothing more than something from a past life he wants nothing to do with#And a past version of himself he wants buried dead and forgotten#Like think about masculinity- both in general but also in the terms of OP's story#The way some cishet men react to the mere concept of Trans Croco and the way they're ready to dismiss him as a ''real man''#Like. Fragile Masculinity makes it so that if you aren't performing your manliness at 1000% at all times you aren't manly#That's why it's fragile. It's all or nothing. And so if Crocodile was FtM many would see him as just the F. They'd just ignore the ''tM''#Crocodile did not seem like he wanted to be associated with Iva-chan or any of the newkama AT ALL#If he is trans then he is fully stealth. He does not want to be outed. He does not want to have his manhood questioned.#His past could instantly be used to turn him into a laughing stock. He'd have to deal with transphobic attacks and misogyny#So if he just wants to live his life in peace then he could just see his past as a potential threat to his future#Anything about who he might've been could be used against him#That includes the husband he divorced. That includes the child he abandoned.#They aren't anything to Crocodile but something he wants nothing to do with.#And he's willing to go so far as to kill that child to tie up any loose ends#Which sounds horrible but he did attempt to kill millions with a massive bomb so like#Yeah. Sir Crocodile ain't winning Dad of the Year award anytime soon. He does not give a shit about his son.#Crocodile looked at Shinji Evangelion and figured he could have a worse father-son relationship. And he's winning that contest#Of course this reading is absolute bonkers and I doubt Oda could write a trans character with this kind of nuance#It just makes sense to me alright#And I have brainworms#And if I'm being realistic I only think there's a 30% chance the Crocodad theory is actually canon#Trans Croco in general get's a 70% because. You don't give this guy some Secret Beef with the Magic HRT Person like that#Again I just think it'd be fucking funny if he was Luffy's dad#It is 6 am I am not proof reading any of this shit
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just finished eternal punishment worst day of my life actually
#major spoilers for p2 and p3 (maybe????) in the tags#tatsuya has to be the most tragic persona protag#< guy whose only played p5 and p2#i mean#maybe the p3 protag but . i have no idea the actual plot of that game i just know he dies .I THINK#but what happened to tatsuya is worse than death holy shit#going back to a universe where nobody is there#all because of something as small as not forgetting about your friends#like . a life of torture over literally nothing#like none of this would have happened and everyone would be chilling on the other side/IS timeline if nyarly wasnt a bitch#and the way everyone on this side/EP timeline is still fine and its literally Just tatsuya that got sent to superhell#and eikichi/lisa/jun still feel sad about the shrine too#like . if they remember the other side will the world still explode even though tatsuya is gone#ANYWAYS#persona 2 ruined my life#my post 🔮#laurence says things 🌌#persona 2 eternal punishment#persona 2 eternal punishment spoilers#persona 2
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🐁☁️🌫️
#sorry gnna sound like a shit person now but im not feeling well i just need to rant#nothing good ever happens to me. every aspect of my life is a mess. im constantly miserable w nothing to pull me out of it#it's been getting worse nd worse for years nd if it keeps getting worse im not gnna be able to take it much longer#ofc there are sooo many others who have it way way way worse than i do. so i feel weak nd pathetic for being so affected by it when i know#it could be literally sm worse than it is now. like i get that. i know im not nearly as bad off as many ppl are#but idk still it's rlly tough to have *nothing* that makes me keep going. the literal only thing is that i dont kms bc i dont wanna hurt mom#bc im poor so i cant do ANYTHING. i cant go anywhere. not the cinema not concerts not to the mall not to the bookstore not an amusent park#i cant even go to cafées bc i dont have any money at all to spend on that#i have no friends to hang out w. even if i couldnt afford going anywhere i cant even just take a walk or sit nd talk to them bc there r none#my sisters havent talked for me in over a year#and like yada yada i dont have anything to pull me out of my misery bubble. no friends to comfort me no family to hang out w#nothing to do or nowhere to go. hell i havent even been able to eat for 8 months so i cant even like eat smth yummy nd watch a movie lmao#i cant even read bc of the constant noise! i cant go out into the forest bc there r always subway construction work or choppers or gun shots#i know im 'focusing on the negative' but what am i supposed to do when theres nothing positive to focus on lol?????#im always physically uncomfortable bc of pain nd health issues nd im always anxious nd stressed too so like... yay#and. this is where i sound mean but like after years nd years of nothing good happening to me... idc for others anymore like#when they talk abt their loving relationships and their kind friends nd them going to concerts im like.. wow !! u get to be happy!! i dont!!#im just envious nd jealous nd bitter bc why cant i have ANYTHING good???? not just ONE fkn thing?#other ppl get to have multiple things but i get nothing?????#and its not exactly like i hate them or wish illwill on them im just like wow kinda dont feel sympathy for u bc u have sm things#i've never had :))) nd u can never understand how awful it feels to be deprived of it so idc :))))
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A very interesting cloud formation!
#I don't think I had ever really seen clouds like this before? it looks like a cool painting or something :0#Pulling just a few images from my cloud and sky photos folder which has like 650 pictures in it becvause I'm obsessed with the sky lol#I will usually spare everyone the cloudposting but... in some exceptions when it's really cool I must Share#(upcoming covid mention in tags for those avoiding the topic)#I WANT TO BE ON AN AIRPLANE SO SO BAD I am going to start casting evil spells to explode all these 'back to normal' bastards who are out#spreading virus and shit HHHHHH... Covid is NOT over actually contrary to popular beielf especially for people with health conditions#that make them more vulnerable or would have worse consequences if they were to catch it etc. etc. wearing a mask in public is#in MOSt cases not THAt much of a horrific terrible evil inconvenience and it helps keep everyone around you safer including these#vulnerable populations!!!! Even if I didn't have any problems myself I would STILL be masking because it's a small gesture that can make a#big difference in people around me being comfortable. It's not like people with health issues just never have to go out or go to the stor#or whatever. There are still people out there who could be helped by extra precautions that are being overlooked. grrrrr...#Like at this point since I'm vaccinated and everything I would MAYBE consider flying on an airplane IF everyone else around me#was masking and being just as careful as me. But at this point it's just the wild west and I would literally be the only one who gives#a shit or who gets tested freqeuntly before after and during traveling and wears the proper type of mask well fitting and not half off my f#ce and blah blah blah. And precautions work best when EVEYRONE is participating. There's only so much you can protext yourself if everyone#around you is doing nothing. So.. alas.. I still do not feel safe traveling. And probably won't for years until more progress is made in#terms of like understanding and treating certain long covid issues and etc. Since I think it's inevitable that if I start going out again#I would get covid. Me and my household bubble are some of the only people I know who haven't had it yet (or at least not knowingly so - if#so it was one of the asymptomatic cases etc.). So if I was GOING to get it anyway I'd at least like the assurance that whatever long term#issues I inevtabley suffer because of it will be more easily treatable at that point instead of entirely disabling even further than I'm#already disabled. etc. AAANYWAY!! all that to say. I JSUT REALLY WANT TO be on an airplane!!! I dont even like traveling and going places I#hate vacations and would rather be at home working on my projects I'm fixated on lol HOWEVER I love the view from airplane windows#like the very few times in my life Ive actually been on a plane and the window is so COLD when you lay your forehead on it and sometimes yo#even see little ice crystals and it's like you're just in a landscape of clouds with a sea of clouds above and below and aaaAAAAAA#Literally I want to get on a plane just to go up in the air and then land and fly back. I don't even want to go on a real trip. I just NEED#to see the sky I need to be IN the sky I need to have that VIEW and the cold and everything!!!! gRGGHGgg... And I will do that the entire#time. I think my longest plane ride was 7 hours and I do not watch movies. I dont text or play games. I literally do nothing to entertain#myself except stare straight out the window for 7 hours (with a few eating and bathroom breaks). not even joking lmao. It's like a trance#I LOVE the sky and clouds so much and the view you get from an airplane is like incomparable!! also I love airports with the big windows an#people watching. but mostly I just long for the sky view again. GRRR.. sobbing and yearning >:T
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everytime i take a tiny triangle out of the cake i made my brother comes in and cuts off a trapezium, making the cut a single clean line. it would be vaguely funny but like i made the thing and like could he not eat it all without leaving some for me
#rant#i guess#it really fucking annoys me how i have to cut off my share in everything that comes in this house ever#like always stay on alert for your food and stash away your share or its gonna be gone by morning#i dont even know why its making me frustrated enough to cry#its just. nice good food has always been a treat and motivator for me and my brother has a habit of always grabbing my share too#it sounds so silly out of context but like. ive had a lifetime of going through a bad tiring day with nothing to look forward to but#a nap and something i like to eat. and always opening the fridge to an empty container#or worse the box is there but then i get in bed with a book and open the damn thing to find half a spoonful inside.#it would be annoying once or twice but its just. all the fucking time.#i hate this survivalistic shit#its not long before i move out thank god but still#he always did it when i was young and my mom hardly ever said anything#like now if i want i can get myself some treats but when i was younger i didnt have much choice.#i havent had the time to bake in two years and prep plus baking the layer cake took two days. i put so much work in it.#and he ate half of it by the time i came back from fucking peeing. i cant even say anything because he gets fucking angry and aggressive#at the drop of a hat so im. crying in my room about it. look my feelings are not as drownable and consuming now. i generally dont#let things like that affect me too much. but i feel so young again and like the entire world is so unfair. i don't know#writing my feelings out on a tumblr blog is so much better than journalling they should recommend this shit in therapy
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the romance/relationship system in bg3 is genuinely some of the worst designed shit i've ever seen in any game with that feature but at least the memes we get out of it are funny. once saw someone comment something along the lines of 'patch note: waving at gale will no longer cause him to buy a house for the two of you to retire in' and i've never recovered since
#i love gale he doesn't deserve (most of) the incel slander#but it's painfully such a good riff because it really really does feel like that#the player choices being a b/w alternation between 'hey there' and 'YOU SHOULD KILL YOURSELF... NOW!' normally is already comical as is#the fact that it carries over into interactions with the party members who you're presumably trying to be close with is... something else#and what makes it worse is it ISN'T jokey hyperbole. anyone remember 'send a mental image of you kissing him or HIS HEAD ON A PIKE.' c'mon#trying to chat and vibe at the refugee camp celebration and the sum of conversation i get is one (1) line asking how they're doing#because going any further than that elicits marking you down for the path of boning take it or leave it#it's genuinely so hard to get to feel like you can deepen a relationship with the characters in ways that aren't trying to pursue them#yes! halsin! i really want to know you better! i just don't want the ass!! why is trying to hit the only option other than up and leaving!!#99% of the time i expect nothing from media creators in terms of writing interactive relationships#larian are beyond parody in that they've somehow managed to do worse than the already suboptimal majority#we're just going to impose the roadblock of do you want to fuck y/n right off the bat. good luck finding a way to talk around that if not#the obscuration surrounding where exactly the checks are really does not help at all either#when the shit's got even the allos complaining about it you know it's BAD#shame because i was excited for character scenes given that's a lot of what's hyped up about the game#but no it's all just the romances. 'what if i'd like to breathe in someone's general direction-' well now have you heard of our romances?#fish fear them party members fear them and tav is going to have to walk alone on this sinful earth#conservative bigoted relative at the family reunion withers era was a fucking time before they tweaked that line speaking of#just so crazy they can get away with this shit#baldur's gate 3#bg3 liveblog
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i'm working on the next wwaitsoatl chapter, which as i've previously mentioned is by FAR my most involved story as far as, like, technical process goes. i finished the second draft of the chapter and went "god, wow, this is all shit, this all sucks so bad, i'm never gonna be able to make anything usable out of this" and then stepped away for a few hours and now i'm midway through the first editing pass and i just keep going "oh my god. oh my god. holy Shit this is gonna bang so fucking hard once i fix it all. oh this is gonna go so hard there's so much potential. fuck YES oh my GOD my HORRIBLE LITTLE BITCHES ARE BACK-"
#the 'this is shit. this is awesome. i am shit. i am awesome. this is shit. i am awesome' process. it will repeat several more times#eda is saying some of the worst things she can possibly think of to darius. it's messy. it's delightful.#think like. princess AU hunter and amity terrorism except more justified more neurotic and more middle-aged#i don't know when i'll finish this chapter bc like i said. editing takes hours and hours and HOURS. but.#i like being excited about this story again. for months it's been making me horrifically anxious but now i'm like YES GOD. YES#(the anxiety wasnt bc of the story itself it was just bc. uh. i'm diseased and scared i can't measure up anymore)#(in terms of writing quality. i don't want this story to have a game of thrones nosedive in quality just bc my immune system is fucked.)#(nothing worse than over 1300 subscribers being able to peg your cognition declining. but i'm feeling a lot better these days so.)#(fingers crossed.)#toh#i don't know how many people are even gonna come back to read it since the show's been over for 9 months and it's been#that long since the last update too. ppl who conceived children when i last updated are having their babies right now.#but. if some of u guys are still sticking around. that will be enough <3
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sitting back after writing 3k words of a fic and thinking. what the hell is this
#ada speaks#if i say what ive written#this entire scenario is insane but. i guess im committed#it has been a very very long time since ive written mac and its like. allll coming out in a way i didn't really expect#i *almost* feel worse for what im putting him through than dennis. ....almost.#this shit is honestly so heavy i think i need a break but none of my other fics are light either lmfao#whats worse: hostage situation turned incredibly fucked up conversion therapy#or the most relentless barrage of awful truths realizing that your existence is nothing more than a burden on the people you love and#no matter how much you sacrifice and how hard you're beaten down you will never have anyone to lean on because even though youve finally#reached a point where you realize you have to open up to them they will never see you for who you truly are because of the years of lies#you've fed them#*wheeze*#okay i answered my own question actually this is the lighter fic comparatively#dennis is suffering in both but at least he has mac with him in the former for better or worse#north dakota dennis suffers and then season 13 on is the bleakest most hellish time like has dennis actually been close with the gang since
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i want to compile a list of horror media that people need to watch before they call genloss groundbreaking incredible material. like yall are soooo so deeply entrenched in copium toting this thing around like its the best piece of horror media in the world when like. theres no horror. there has literally been no horror. how are we watching the same thing. go watch gemini home entertainment or marble hornets or daisy brown or unedited footage of a bear or this house has people in it and then come back to me. dont fucking talk to me until youve consumed some horror media thats actually good first!!!!!!!!
#sorry i KNOW i said i wouldnt genloss post too much but it just makes me so fucking angry#as a very very very long term horror enthusiast and aspiring horror creator#i feel fucking insulted every time i see genloss being listed as something incredible . when.#theres no horror or comedy in your horror comedy that was originally advertised for two goddamn years as an arg n then analog horror and th#like. pick a theme. give me literally anything. its so bad. im so angry. and i DONT get angry at media.#i actively try not to grt angry at media and legitimately havent since veryyyy early middle school.#so the fsct that this thing is making me so mad is a huge deal.#anyone who has known me for any number of years knows like. i dont get mad about shit!!!#especiallt shit that doesnt rlly matter like fictional media!!! i dont like to expend the energy on that!!!#so when i say genloss makes me so angry to the point where i was literally#sweaty and out of breath after aster and i got off the phone talking abt it the other day#i need you to understand i am not a hater#like#ughgrrghrggghghh#go fucking watch saw (2004) youll have a much better time than watching whatever bs this is#ranboo makes this big long post about how his project is better than aevery other horror short film#and doesnt deserve to be put on a shelf with the rest of them as if theyre beneath his genius vision#and then gives us this cheap heartless garbage that isnt even unique in its badness.#hes just using ideas from other things but doing it worse!!!!!! theres nothing new!!! theres nothing unique!!!#two years of promotional content and like 5 hours of livestreams and they have not given me a single#character or story beat that is interesting enouhj to care about. you cant have horror without first#giving your audience something to care about and then snatching that thing away from them. urhhggghghghgh#reaction time#genloss neg#genloss crit#sorry. im trying to keep the hater posting to a minimum but im so. exhausted
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“it’s so sad you can’t save karlach” you absolutely CAN save karlach and i have a paper to write about why nobody thinks you can
#bg3 spoilers#SHES HAPPY. SHE IS LITERALLY HAPPY TO BE A MIND FLAYER. SHE SAYS TO YOU ‘THIS IS INSANE BUT I FEEL CRAZY LUCKY RN’.#she doesn’t want to do it ! but if she does she’s VERY HAPPY WITH THE TRADEOFF!#bg3 snuck one of the most interesting thought-provoking Meditations On Beauty I’ve ever seen into their viddy game and I am CHEWING on it.#there’s obviously plenty to say about this relative to tav and the other characters as well#and the player’s inherent reluctance to take what is MECHANICALLY nothing but a boost#on the grounds that it will slightly alter their appearance#And like how (and whether!) we justify that as being what our characters would do etc etc yada yada#but it is LITERALLY lifesaving for karlach. The only other options for her are death or going back to a place#that she considers worse than death.#it’s a choice that she would have made happily if she knew going in that it would switch off her engine!#she is nothing but relieved if you talk to her afterwards! she looks radically different but she is the same person!#and YET as a player . Even knowing all of that!! it still sort of feels like losing her#and there’s REALLY something juicy there about how we think about appearance#and the nature of the self etc#also it’s definitely not that deep but I could say something about her appearance rework from EA#and how her being a conventionally ‘attractive’ character plays into this#like honestly? If it was laezel in the same situation I think we’d all be reacting very differently!#and I include myself in that! Through that whole scene I was going WOW this feels like such a hard choice#And at the same time looking at myself like holy shit you’re SO in the beauty complex soup!#anyways. Much to think about. Mind flayer karlach is adorable also.#Rhi talks
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