#now i feel like an idiot haha | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

strawberrypigeon · 2 years

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Omg 'Zu Ende' was the blood baptism scene and NOT the final confrontation??!! So I didn't need to wait until today's Dracula Daily before looking up context omg 🤣

#Dracula Daily #Been holding off watching the whole thing until i finished Dracula Daily #now i feel like an idiot haha #the song slaps though

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puppyeared · 3 months

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(guy who has never played cotl) haha au time

#this started as a design exercise bc i couldnt get sphinx/devon rex narinder out of my head #but the whole time i was thinking man imagine if the lamb brings him in as a follower but nobody knows he was actually. you know #and the followers are like haha wow our leader channels the power and wisdom of the one who waits almost as if they were them #would that be cool or what. anyway heres narinder reassuming his pre-bishop form and everything his flesh remembers before godhood #ok now im gonna ramble abt design notes #the singe marks were inspired by fallen angels like how some ppl say they burned while falling from heaven. i wanted smth like that when #the lamb is resurrected by nari.. their outfit is inspired by papal cloaks while narinders is based on crusader armor #the lambs name 'bellwether' is also a term used for sheep that wear a bell and lead the flock and i thought that was cool #idk what the thuribles do yet but i do have smth in mind where theyre linked together. and ofc the lamb has a shepherds staff #very proud of nari's little devil tail!! and it was hard to see bc its so dark but he has wrinkles around his forehead to conceal his #third eye. even he isnt aware of it (for now)#idk where im going with this au i just have a bunch of ideas?? basically the lamb is keeping nari's identity a secret from him so he doesnt #go down that path of powerhungry destruction. smth like trying to lead him down a better path but feels guilty lying to do that #also theyre in love with each other and theyre stupid pining idiots abt it. mwah #cult of the lamb #cotl #cotl lamb #cotl narinder #the one who waits #cotl the one who waits #narilamb #art #au #myart #my art #character design #cotl au #false prophet! au

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bookshelfdreams · 1 year

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#just saw that tweet abt pink days on the set of the barbie movie & i think it made me realize why it - the marketing etc - annoys me so #'margot robbie went around collecting fines and donated them to charity haha' okay. look.#that's just the perfect metaphor for how it worked for us - me - anyone who wants to align themselves with me - when we were girls #isn't it #because you grow up and you desperately want to fit in with the other girls but you don't & you don't know why #but you're surrounded by things and people telling you what a normal girl is like & little-to-none of it is things you find appealing or #interesting. makeup and fashion and skin care. gymnastics and romance. you're told that you are obligated to be pretty #but prettiness has never been part of your perception of yourself. femininity is an arcane concept #an exclusive club that will never grant you entrance #& the only comfort you can give yourself is deciding that it's dumb anyway. shallow. vain. who cares about looks and boys and all of that #idiots that's who #but this is Doing It Wrong too isn't it? because now everyone who has taught you that you will forever fail at femininity turns around #& tells you that's patriarchal oppression and YOU'RE the bad one by distancing yourself from something that always made you feel defective #'YOU may have never lived up to this impossible standard of perfection but some ppl do and actually it's fine to be like that!#hyperfeminine traditionally beautiful women are the most oppressed group of all & finally we will stand up for our rights!'#'girls can be pretty AND conpetent' but that's not what they're actually saying. isn't it.#because performing femininity correctly is the prerequisite. a threshold you can never cross and you know that. & that's fine #but somehow that's wrong too because you're not supposed to make peace w that are you. you're SUPPOSED to want to do it right #even if you don't and never have and never will #and once again everyone is yelling at you that this club isn't meant for you. if you criticize the barbie movie you're antifeminist #if you refuse to wear pink I'll make you pay a fine #hashtag girlpower #(well im not a girl. not a guy either. and not a secret third thing. just bad at femininity.#bad at being a person. and y'all don't need to tell me you don't want me in your club #I've always known that. i just wish you'd stop expecting me to beg for entrance.)

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yakkitylylac · 8 hours

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sniffles. okay. yay <3

#sorry am suddenly Going Thru It ignore me lol #and i like this line a lot it makes me feel better #brambles #(to summarize i was feeling like maybe i am weird or crazy for treating fictional the characters like they are real because it makes #me feel good. even tho that is probably a normal thing that normal people do #and then feeling like oh thats a stupid thing to be upset about. you idiot go get some real problems #even tho like with the “i need to eat something or hedwyn will be sad” that wasnt really like a haha funny joke like i am thinking about #hedwyn and i think he would be sad and worried about me that im not eating enough and that genuinely motivates me to take care of myself #and i talk to them in my head and they are real To Me in the sense that i treat them like theyre real like i talk to them and imagine #scenarios in my head and stuff #and thats probably just a normal coping mechanism but if i posted something like #“i was talking to gilman the other day” people would think im crazy and Weird!!!!!!!#and then what if its just a stupid unhealthy coping mechanism because im a friendless losr!!!!!!!!! and then that sometimes leads #to me forcing myself to Not think about them at all. which makes me miserable #that wasnt rly related but like half of me is like wow youre weird and crazy what is wrong with you! and the other halfs like nthis is norm #this is called Liking A Character A Lot and is Normal #anyways. yeag #and like. thats not a thing thats nto a real problem. why am i getting uupset about t. its after 9pm i should stop fretting #its not a real problem its not a real problem im just being like wird and idk ableist. or something #shutting up now

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ask-stede-bonnet · 7 months

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Are you jealous you're not the only one that homoerotically stabbed Ed?

No... I wasn't clear in what I was saying, and now I feel like a bit of an idiot to be honest.

#Izzy would repeat stories in that gravely voice of his #I have to imagine hearing him moan would be... unpleasant #ooc: I wasn't clear in what I was saying and now I feel like a bit of an idiot tbh haha #ask stede bonnet #ofmd #our flag means death

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oh-cramity-its-amity · 7 months

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its so weird to read some of my old fics (do NOT do it but i'm just being hypothetical rn) and reading it. like who even was this person?? i completely was in a haze back in 2020. i literally was posting 3 chapters a day. A DAY. what in the WORLD was that shit.

anyway i remembered some STUPID sappy shit and i didnt remember if i'd put it into a fic or not BUT I FOUND IT.

She and Hope had been dating in secret for months anyway, and any attempt to go talk to Ryan only filed her disposition of displeasure upon knowing that she couldn’t tell anyone, Molly especially, it destroyed herself mentally. They couldn’t really go anywhere near the school, always having to lie to everyone about having projects together when Molly wasn’t around them. It’d consisted with 9 PM - 2 AM intervals of being able to actually see each other. Hope would sneak through her small bedroom window with a portable record player and whatever she had gotten from the vintage record store downtown, and Amy would always fall asleep around eleven because of her internal clock. She would always wake up to find a single sticky note stuck on the edge of her desk whenever she woke up to her alarm the next morning. One of them, Amy still had tucked inside of her phone case, a heavily detailed human heart, with blue and red ink sketched onto a neon pink sticky note, there was a caption that headed the small paper reading the phrase over every now and again makes her almost melt every time. “You have my heart.”

yeah idk why the fuck but i thought of this fucking idea again today and i was like "omg did i ever put that heart note thing in a fic???" yeah you fucking did.

all that to say ME AND WHO???? imagine. thats so fucking.... RAHHHH.

#NOT TOH FANFIC #see this is why i write fanfic. to enact some gay ass shit like this.#the fucking STICKY NOTE WITH A DRAWING OF A HUMAN HEART AND SAYING “YOU HAVE MY HEART” I AM ON THE FLOOR.#*sighs* sucks i cant reuse it on lumity though.#my friend making me realize i actually have rizz but am just too much of a disaster to actually understand cues with people #its a MESS. im just all over the place. i literally ranted to THE SAME FRIEND yesterday (or the day before??) abt some girl jesus.#anyway i remember writing A LOT OF POETRY back in hs about this one girl and then the same girl i got to talk to--#--my first actual conversation with her i blurted out that i wanted to shave my head. she was like.... oooooo god i was A MESS #still slid into her school dms during covid and was like “haha guess what i actually mf did???” anyway all that to say underlying dysphoria #they're nonbinary now too and i kinda ghosted them like a complete idiot :(. its been two years or so but i still think of them... a lot...#actually i have more lore about this person and its like istg they actually really liked me but i could not pick it up.#we had such SUCH good chemistry and vibes. n they were really pretty. ughhhhhh.#anyway yeah idk crushes are weird sometimes. the universe knows how unstoppable id be with a partner #i feel like i was the reason they were able to find themself and their identity because when we were talking i always encouraged them #and told them to do what felt right. im glad they did. i think sometimes that brings me peace. like i served a purpose.#STILL showed them toh. STILL SHOWED THEM TOH.#we were talking about amity LMAO “this green haired girl seems interesting” SHE SO WAS.#...yeah i wish i could text them but i kinda probably fucked it up.#shitposting shit #idk what this post is i just wanted to talk about this dumb sticky note thing because im rotating it in my brain and remembering how #mentally ill i was back in 2020 #talking into the void yk how it isssss

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fabulouslygaybean · 7 months

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a friend of mine kept making weird as shit comments about trans bodies during lunch and i tried to ignore it at the time because it really wasn't that bad but now im fucking angry and it's so stupid

#he's a 15yr old. he's gonna be stupid sometimes #but he kept making weird fucking comments and asking weird fucking questions and now im angry #he was like “haha isn't it sooo funny that this Womanly Female Athlete took testosterone as a steroid and then got chest hair and a little -#- dick? isn't that just sooo gross and funny??“ and of course i was the only one he asked about it. because im a trans man on testosterone #and he kept asking questions about bottom growth but it seemed like he genuinely didn't know for a while so i was fine with it #but then he just. kept joking about it. like he kept going and didn't stop until lunch was over #like wow! thanks dude! glad to know you think my transition is fucking gross! real happy to hear that! :)#i don't think it even registered to him that the GUY HE WAS TALKING TO is going through these fucking changes #tell me again how weird and gross you think tdicks are. come on. tell the trans man on testosterone how you feel.#look me in the eye and repeat how fucking weird you think bodies like mine are #it's so stupid. i shouldn't be mad. ive dealt with so much worse. this is just an idiot sophomore being an idiot sophomore.#but im pissed now and nothing's making it go away and i hate it

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running-in-the-dark · 7 months

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I know I've been particularly incoherent for the past few days (again), and it's so dramatic and ridiculous but it seriously feels like something is punishing me. I just want to like things a normal amount. I just want to like people and characters a normal amount.

I don't want to become so fully obsessed that literally nothing else exists and thinking about anything else feels like my brain is being stabbed with a thousand tiny knives. I don't want to need to find every piece of information I possibly can on whoever it is this time. I don't want to feel like I'm (literally) losing my mind when I see them. I don't want any of this!

I can not believe that I exist as a human being on this stupid planet just to get obsessed with people over and over and over again forever.

#like it's not. fun. it's not 'oh haha I just like this guy a lot :3' no it feels like. dying.#like I said I know it's fucking dramatic I know. but it feels SO BAD #and sometimes SO GOOD because nothing else gives my brain that feeling but god damn it most of the time it's just painful #maybe I should try drugs #probably.#maybe I should start drinking again #that made it bearable #but no that's. stupid #but my god how am I supposed to go through this again and again and again so many times in a row #I don't know how to explain how fucking devastating it is to attach yourself to. some stupid idiot (I'm sorry I don't mean that.). only to #not really care anymore after a couple months #what do you MEAN. I literally love this person with every stupid fibre of my stupid being and now he's just. some guy again??#I don't know. how. not to do this. it's not a choice! it's not something I DO. it HAPPENS to me.#and it only doesn't happen when I'm so depressed that I want to actively die.#anyway yeah it's about John Larroquette and Dan Fielding and Jenkins and yeah I'm the fucking stupidest fucking dumbass on earth #someone hit me in the head to fix my brain please #and seriously this is not normal. it can not be normal. this is not how normal people feel about stuff. it can't be #I think this is why I don't get fandom culture. and shipping specifically. like. no I'm not. I'm not enjoying these characters. I'm not #watching this show and thinking aww these two should kiss :)#I'm. not there anymore. I don't fucking exist. all I do. is think about this person. I can't stop it.#I am not a person when I don't feel like this. I'm not even real. I'm just whoever I'm obsessed with. I say that so much but that's how it #feels! I'm not real.#so anyway when I say 'haha I'm fine' what I mean is no I'm not someone make my brain work right please #I just. see him and start crying. because it's so overwhelming.#maybe I should find a therapist and hope they speak English and show them this post :)#haha no that's ridiculous I could never mention this to a normal person #guess I'll just keep driving myself to insanity with this crap.#personal

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coyotejone-s · 7 months

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me when i say i'll get better about avoiding participating in callout culture and then i don't 🤪

#moldy spaghetti wall #god i just feel like a major fuckin asshole every time now #cuz the little creature in my brain is like HAHA YOU FELL FOR IT YOU FUCKING IDIOT #like i just want to fuckin help people and i get such a visceral reaction to that shit but it's WIRED that way thats what they WANT #they WANT people to think with their hearts rather than their brains and that's my worst fucking enemy #also that it's just easier to reblog without thinking than actually looking into shit further than the links provided-#-by the obviously biased people posting #its just fucking. it's just fucking. god.#i think we should kill callout culture for good. this sucks.

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martyrbat · 1 year

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playing an ongoing game called ‘learn whats acceptable to say in someones tags or get blocked’. a lot of you are losing.

#i know i can be cringe or annoying but like. theres a difference between joking on something vs fucking insulting someone you dont know #is this person talking about something they enjoy that you dont? filter the tag and post content and go on with your day #if theyre too annoying then just unfollow for a bit and check back later even #is this person a fan of a character you hate?? put it on your own post instead of coming onto someones account to bitch in their tags #you are literally insulting a real life person over a fictional character. over a show. over a comic. what is wrong with you.#unless the thing they like is actively rooted in real life hate (racism sexism misogyny ableism transphobia etc) that will reflect #and cause real life harm then it literally doesn't fucking matter if you disagree with someone.#youre not making me want to read and consider your opinion about something i literally consume for fun and because haha autism s/i #by calling me an idiot or by saying how i (a disabled person) am ‘braindead’ because i have a different opinion or whatever.#youre just being mean because you feel like you have an excuse to pretend youre superior to someone #like idk how to break it to you but dick grayson isnt going to suck your dick despite you insulting a real person over him lmao.#anyways. im going to block you if you insult me. im going to block you if you see my post on something i like thats harmless and tell me #how much you personally hate it or disagree. i dont care. make your own post because now you cant make it on mine.#and my anon is temporarily off (sorry shy mutuals </3) because a lot of ppl dont have common decency on what's okay to say or demand lol

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composing-the-future · 11 months

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oh yeahj btw its my birthday :3

#kota.txt #i have turned. 15 #so many of my friends have birthdays close together in early november and its so damn funny bc its like. Yeah our parents totally fucked on #valentines day. happens #Nah man i like never talk abt my age though i sprinkle it around sometimes offhandedly in my tags #Kota Superfans know (ie active mutuals who i am friends with)#its a very funny card to pull if im in a stupid ass argument bc. Haha idiot. Loser. Ur arguing with a 15 year old on the internet.#Bet you feel Stupid Now. Dumbass

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wxtchpilot · 1 year

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[ me over here losing my mind at why my dashboard has been showing posts out of order (like even from DAYS/WEEKS ago constantly) when all I had to do was just change my dashboard preferences. I am gonna lay down and hide ]

#OOC #[ -screams- I feel like an idiot; the dash is normal now haha ]#[ I feel like a new person lmao ]#[ I haven't been on tumblr in forever before making Suletta shhh ]

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sapphire-heart-tippy · 1 year

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*squishes his cheeks and kisses his lips softly* ugh, I'm so in love with you 😭 *kiss kiss kiss all over his face*

🥺🫶💙💜💙💜

I'm feeling the YEARNING-

Kissies, hugs, cuddles, going on dates, holding hands, looking into each other's eyes- ugh I'm so lovelorn right now, gimme your stupid face so I can kiss it and your muscles... And your chest so I can lay on it like a mattress!!

#tipvans #vanilla my sweet #f/o gush post #hello yes... i would like one kiss please.... HAHA JUST KIDDING IDIOT I WOULD LIKE TWO (billion)#I'm feeling the squishiness right now idk why- but i desire the romance with the ourple man...#grumpy man- come here so i can kiss that grumpy face >:T #*screams into a pillow*

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valeechtine · 1 year

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Thinking about how an old family friend gave me a "joke present" for my 7th birthday that was a book "for hypochondriacs" listing all the lethal things that a mundane symptom could be and how she thought it was so funny to make fun of my constant anxiety over my own health. Wonder how bad she'd feel realizing that that sort of mockery is genuinely part of why I almost died once and why it took so long to be diagnosed with so many things.

#having a bad night over health anxiety rn and like #I know that its justified now. I know that its Completely justified for me to worry about my heart #I have a disorder that could very easily affect it and it keeps randomly hurting #and I can't get it checked out for 6+ months #But I still feel like an idiot for worrying about it because haha oh clem you worry so much its so funny #ughhhh god. I'm so tired of being ill. So tired of never knowing if I'm worrying too much or not enough #I should've had this appointment over a year ago and now its going to take So long still #and I just want to know for sure if my heart is ok #negative

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rosicheeks · 2 years

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Please bless us with you singing a few bars of a song that you love. A happy or a sad one. Something that just gives you the feels.

🎶

#honestly I’m thinking about it 🥰🥰#I’m in my car right now and since I’m out of weed I decided I’m going to listen to dad songs and cry #cause I’m an idiot #I’m such a dork guys it’s hilarious #but just gotta decide on the song #I have a buuuuunch of feels right now so I think it would be a good time to sing #but I’m also incredibly insecure about my voice and I try and perfect it #when in reality it doesn’t have to be perfect #it just has to have a lot of heart and soul and love #it’s probably gonna be a sad song cause lol you guys know me #I’m just full of emotions and sadness lately #but I’m going to go listen and watch a few performances first #maybe I’ll get inspired what song to do haha #stay tuned 🥰#cause honestly I would love to do videos one day #maybe even like a patreon page or something #but idk if anyone would be interested in that sort of thing #hahah one day maybe #today gotta figure out a song #my last song I learned (years ago 😭)#was O Mio Babbino Caro (I think that’s the spelling)#but I don’t think you guys want to hear me sing classical 😂#also idk if my phone would pick up the high notes very well #I also still remember a song I learned my senior year shit shit shit what’s the name apartment 14b??????? gonna go look it up hold on #lol I was close???? it’s called the girl in 14G and idk if it’s from a musical but I know it from Kristin Chenoweth and she KILLS THAT SHIT #but I think I still know that song practically word for word #man I wonder if I have that performance anywhere #I also was a HUGE phantom of the opera fan so I know Think Of Me and fuck that other song where she sings at her dads grave ya know #I’m getting distracted hopefully I’ll upload something soon 🥰#ask

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tulpafcker · 2 years

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the girlypopification of bpd and rampant ableism in said community needs to stop tbfh. also if "narcissists create borderline children 🥺🥺" then by that logic do borderlines create narcissistic children? because it kind of makes sense if you think about it. theres no way you maladjusted assholes are never responsible for traumatizing kids, especially with the recent trend (i see it on tiktok mainly but i dont doubt it exists everywhere else too) of acting like having bpd makes u this. perfect fucking baby uwu victim whos soft and sweet and loving and Better Than Narcissists like. please get help you are traumatizing the hoes

#i was ranting to my friend w bpd (who HATESSSSSSS this trend more than i do) and we uh #came to the realization that my mom probably had bpd #it makes way too much sense. she was neglected and overlooked as a child #and has this nasty habit of either seeing me as a perfect amazing prodigy child #OR a monstrous lazy idiot fuckup actively trying to make her life worse #no inbetween.#so. UUUUUHHHHHHHHHH #that sure was a realization to have on Christmas Day!!#because that constant flip flopping meant i developed a VERY skewed sence of confidence that coexisted within two extremes #and it ended up making me not give a shit abt others' feelings since doing that would get me hurt #if i tried to please her itd hurt. so i stopped caring and only cared about myself and my emotions #so now i have Two Personality Disorders!!#also obligatory disclaimer no i do not think pwbpd are inherently abusiv #nobody is inherently anything #and to think that way is fucking stupid #im not gonna go around squaking about Borderline Abuse and call my mom a borderpath. im not an idiot #im just like. hm. funny!#but not funny 'haha'#funny 'stop pretending youre above being capable of hurt and that your actions arent harmful just bc ur mentally ill'

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