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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 2 months

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Dungeon Meshi: The RPG

#Dungeon Meshi #laios touden #marcille donato #chilchuck tims #senshi #animation #game dev diary #Please give a huge hand to my coding partner #who labored for over two weeks to figure out how to implement reaction animation for the battle icons.#You may also notice that I updated the battle portraits from my previous post! New and (mostly) improved!#The death screens were not changed because I didn't think they'd get used for this video.#But Chilchuck getting one-shotted and leaving due to this being outside of his pay? Accidental comedy gold.#The full sprite (I didn't realize the bottom third would be hidden) says: “NOT PAID FOR THIS”#And yeah he's smoking. He gets a smoke break as part of his contract. Let a guy have his vices. He's teetering on a divorce.#Dungeon Meshi would be a fun rpg in theory but it would need to have immersive mechanics like cooking and foraging.#And hunger and fatigue and other status effects.#A slightly more lighthearted fear and hunger sort of game.#But that is for some other fan to do. This is just a fun tech demo for us to learn RPG maker!#So...with this mini-project concluded #we now have a foundation we can pass over to our actual game!#Next game dev post will be some game assets (probably busts and battle icons for the main party)#And after that! Most likely some more sprite sheets (I have made a few more since my first attempt)#Thank you for everyone who has been rooting us on since I started talking about this project. It means a ton B'*)

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here-comes-the-moose · 3 months

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Echo during his time with the 501st: doing body shots, dancing on tables, blowing things up in the barracks with Fives, creating chaos with Fives, doing keg stands, complaining about them leaving the club “too early” even though it’s four in the morning, being the reason that new rules were added to the reg manuals, generally being an absolute terror

Echo during most of his time with the Bad Batch: tucking kids in, telling bedtime stories, always carrying healthy snacks, in bed by nine, putting people in time-out, telling “kids” to behave, tending to sick “kids”, being the only one to put their foot down and shut down any shenanigans, generally being a mom and an absolute angel (of course this is when he isn’t being the absolute badass that he is and always had been since let’s not forget that he’s an ARC Trooper)

#echo has the energy of a mom who was a former sorority party girl who is now in bed by nine and only prepares organic snacks for her kiddos #I regularly imagine him watching one of his siblings (Crosshair most likely) being absolutely irritable and hangry #and just wordlessly pulling out an array of snacks and handing one to them #he probably tucks omega in at night and tells her fun stories about his past #he’s the mom but he’s also a cool and badass mom don’t forget that he’s an ARC trooper #the rest of the batch probably look up to and admire him so much and think he’s SO COOL #his lore goes crazy and he’ll drop it in the middle of dinner and continue on as if he didn’t just ROCK the batch’s world #nothing can change my mind #star wars tbb #star wars the bad batch #the bad batch #arc trooper echo #tbb echo

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artharakka · 8 months

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Beautiful, But Broken

#bg3 #tiefling #tw blood #c: Viivi #so I redid my bg3 character because I wasn't feeling durge that much. So now my sibling does durge and I regular tav Viivi #(changed her to tiefling for funs)#at least I meant to do regular tav but uhhhhh things have gone very unfortunately very fast #anyway. Viivi is an artist; she does painting sculpting poetry and some prose. Experimenting with this and that #unfortunately she is deaf which made making connections a bit hard in the fine arts world #fortunately she has a patreon with one very generous patron (she's fey warlock)✨ who has bestowed some gifts of charms for her #which have opened doors of many art galleries #She's not a fighter so although she is confident in her own lane she is also very aware of her mortality #so she avoided any fights she could #which might have saved her but also got her into the mess of her lifetime #you see she couldn't fight the entire goblin camp and their leaders. She would've just not survived that. So she convinced them #that she is a True Soul. She is good at convincing people. It worked. They thought she is on their side. Good #Halsin also though Viivi was on their side. Halsin attacked Viivi's party. Now Halsin is dead.#So Viivi and her group were still alone deep within enemy fort. Viivi made new plans. She frees the prisoner who says he will warn the grov #Good thinks Viivi now they know to flee. I will go to Minthara and tell we got the information from prisoner of the grove location #she will trust us and we walk off #when we get back to grove they have not fled and Minthara is at the gates #Minthara wants Viivi to sound the horn. Zevlor wants Viivi to sound the horn. Viivi asks Zevlor to please tell this plan in detail.#Zevlor says just blow the horn already. Viivi does that. Minthara thanks Viivi for leaving the gate open as planned #Zevlor does not thank Viivi for that. Viivi is confused as she did not leave the gate open. (for real the damn gate was left open)#So I did a Massacre.#now Karlach is gone Wyll is dead. Lae'zel is also dead #but apparently Minthara is ready to be very loving and sincere with Viivi. The most helpful person she has met in very long time.#Viivi might love her #so that is how she's doing.

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luck-of-the-drawings · 6 months

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OH ARTHUR BENNETT.. such a gorgeous and intriguing character. terribly burdened by a GRUESOME set of crimes, his light suffocated by a HEAVY century of GUILT. so tragic, so dark and broody, and yet PAINFULLY awkward in any social setting ever

#jrwi fanart #cw blood #jrwi show #jrwi suckening #arthur bennett #OUHH THIS ONE WAS SITTING IN MY WIPS FOR SO LOOOONGwhen i took it out there was mould on it :sob:#BUT i think i was able to fix it up okay #i keep seeing SO MANY MISTAKES RRAAAHHH BUT YOU DONT SEE THEM RIGHT?? THATS ONLY ME. RIGHT?? EXACTLY.#THE KEY IS TO SAY. AND REPEAT AFTER ME. 'FUUUCK IT WE BALL #so anyway. arthur bennett huh? grizzly says that arthur is reaal fuckin difficult to play. and i SUPER get that. i mean LOOK AT HIM..#grizz often needs a minute to think abt what hes gonna say in a way that matches w that Stoic Personality. which is FAIR but also that #ends up making way for awkward confrontations like: the lady in the parky lot. he took too long to answer and scared her away.& I LOVE THAT #arthur is tragic and sad and cool and stoic but hes ALSO awkward and silly and kinda dumb and short sighted. HE HAS COMPLEXITIES #I LOVE WHEN TTRPG CHARACTERS HAVE A GOOD SET OF SHORTCOMINGS. ESPECIALLY WHEN U FIND THEM ONLY AS U PLAY THEM.#I COULd go on and on saying the same things w different words abt arthurs intriguing and entertaining character but i shall spare u. for no #ILL ALSO MENTION HOW MUCH I LOVE HIS FLAVOR THO.. I LOVE TALL HOT BOY WHOS ONE W THE DARKNESS.. I REMEMBER WHEN HE FIRST MENTIONED THE #BADLUCK. N I WAS LIKE OOOHH THATS WHY HIS DESIGN IS SO COOL N CHAOTIC N ASYMMETRICAL. HES UNLUCKY!!! i love love love his design so much...#GRaaauruguguraguhhghghgh what else what else is there for me to spew on abt...i think im reachin a limit here..OH MAGNUS. i hope that #we get to know more abt how magnus and arthur met.. like How they became besties... ouuhh... I ALSO WANNA KNOW MORE ABT MARY DAVIS. LIKEHOW #he also apparently spent alotta time in a zone dominated by edward twilight? all he remembers is constant partying? I WANNA KNOW MORE..#i think i got room 4 one more ramble SO. THE ART PIECE.as i said its gone a lil stale BUT. im still very proud o the bits where hes allScar #I WANNA SEE HIM GET SCARYMORE. I like the idea of shadows solidifying to make him strange and eerie.like TEETH n CLAWS n SPINES n YESS #also the SILVER EYES.no1 does silver eyes like the show Claymore. they make em look so striking and eerie...i also like to think that #human arthur had deep beautiful brown eyes.just in my beaitufl heart.i mean look at him..i wanna cook him n eat him.ANYWAY #i think thats all my ramblin for this piece. now i gotta go cancel a single day i had ata hotel bc my work schedule change last minute FUCK #feel free to ramble in my tags aswell tho i read all of them and i chew on thenm and i love them so sos os mcuh

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tennessoui · 2 years

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silly soulmate au where everyone has the first words their soulmate said to them on their body somewhere and anakin’s are “excuse me sir, your shoelaces are untied” so he walks around with his shoes untied as a way of trying to bait life into giving him his soulmate

But one day he’s like super done with it and cranky after a bad day and someone taps his shoulder while he’s waiting at a crosswalk and says “excuse me sir your shoelaces are untied” and anakin snaps “your shoelaces are untied”

and obi-wan “afraid to submit to the mortifying ordeal of being known enough to be loved” kenobi says “I’m not wearing shoelaces” kinda flabbergasted because he’s spent like 30 years wearing untieable shoes so no one can ever tell him “your shoelaces are untied” only to be thwarted by a beautiful, aggressive soulmate of a stranger

#obikin #Kit’s silly lil AUs #before you ask yeah my shoelaces are untied #and many many strangers have told me #anyway I think it would be funny if obi-wan is so gobsmacked #that the light changes #and anakin is like ‘congratu fucking lations then’ and storms off #OR neither of them really notice/clock the other person is their soulmate #and then meet at a party a year later with no memory of each other #because it was just a brief interaction with a stranger at the end of a long day #over and forgotten #but then they fall in love and date after the party where they meet #and it’s an amazing relationship and very strong and perfect #and anakin starts wearing shoes that don’t have shoelaces because he’s terrified of meeting his soulmate now that he has obi-wan #OR maybe they meet again and become close friends but they don’t date #and they pine over each other for months but don’t want to risk their friendships #and anakin starts lacing his shoes/wearing boots because he doesn’t want to find his soulmate when he’s so in love with obiwan #only for obi-wan to start wearing shoes with laces because he needs to find his soulmate because he’s in love with anakin and that’s awful #will ruin him #(in that version they don’t know what the other person’s mark says)

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bacchuschucklefuck · 2 months

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the never stop blowing up vhs is where cute twinks go to get harmed

#not art #nsbu spoilers #kirk blade.... johnny manhattan..... maybe tenuously cosmo chase #also genuinely I Love that vic ethanol is showing himself to be bit of a dick #and kingskin conversely First Actual Communication With The Player is like. idk I just work here #(I am vibrating in my seat abt liv bloodlust. shes experiencing a bit of emotional consequence. hope she powers thru it and #becomes even worse)#I also love that g13 and jack manhattan are both like. gone #I know in adventuring party they're charting it to shape up as like. usha also slowly losing herself to the work like g13 did #and them becoming one entity entirely in the sense that their selves stop mattering in the face of their hacker capacity #(also called the Forum Moderator Dilemma)#but I also like to think that g13 handed it back to usha cleanly in the second episode with that one interaction #and is now fully unplugged from everything. left the movie. man is Sleeping #we all agree that paula ate jack manhattan tho I think it's fine to assume that #and! the way russell has been like. fully going whole hog full tilt into helping other people and moving the plot along #while Suggesting That Doing Self Reflection And Learning Lessons From This World Might Help to Other People #like I love that. 1/lieutenant syndrome but also 2/extremely transfem coded #like past the ''ohh I have realisationd I'm coming to'' stage. far past. man is bored with thinking abt genders #not new realisation to him! had that thought two decades ago. not motivated enough by anything to change anything #I think I just love the scenario of like magical mystical journey in a fantasy world clearly designed to make you contemplate ur gender #and ur like oh no what? we did that years ago. whats up #deeply interested tho. open up russell we wanna see whats up with u #dang is perfect no note 10/10 more important than anything else he is genre aware and savvy and that truly is all he needs here #the ''let's make it fun'' scene he does with liv is SO good I love him. Im so scared the vhs will snatch him away. hes too genre perfect

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mariemariemaria · 9 months

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Does anybody else feel like mental health awareness has done very little to help them in material reality

#i was gonna say done nothing to help but that seemed too harsh #like there definitely is more knowledge about it now. maybe more people feel comfortable speaking about it which is good #but personally i don't feel that. like idk. workplaces will post about mental health awareness and then do nothing to help employees #the same w universities. my uni cut back the already meager mental health support #and then the government is doing absolutely fuck all as well #like idk im just back in a place i thought id gotten out of long ago and i still don't feel comfortable talking about it with people #maybe that's a me problem or maybe it's cultural or something idk. but in the 10 years ive been depressed (🫠) i don't think it's gotten a #whole lot better. teenagers are still dealing with the same shit i did and they're still not being taken seriously #women's mental health is not even spoken about.....anxiety depression sh eds etc are still ignored or seen as hysterical behaviour in women #or just normal esp with disordered eating. society hasn't changed people still want women to be stick thin and weak #like i know 10 years is a short time and there has been massive improvements in mh awareness if we look back over the past 50+ years #but idk i just think that it hasn't gotten better for a lot of people #i think specifically of belfast and like god. the amount of trauma there is the amount of homelessness the amount of substance abuse #drug abuse in particular that has gotten visibly worse over the past decade or so*#and i connect the dots n see the 2008 recession + a tory gov defunding the nhs + dehumanisation of homeless people & addicts + the troubles #+ ptsd + generational trauma + a negative peace + classism + paramilitary drug dealers + parties linked to those paramilitaries #and its like hmmmm i think we live in a society. and a mental health approach based on individual actions like journaling and meditation #isn't the way to go. or at least is not the be all and end all which is what a lot of mental health awareness raising seems to promote #*visibly worse on the streets. it was always a problem ofc but even a decade ago my parents never imagined it would be as bad as it is now #and it's become so normalised. i do think there's less individualism here than there seems to be elsewhere which can be good and can be bad #but i think we are becoming more and more individualistic. slowly. there's still a sense of community here but i do think it's changing #and callousness towards homeless people is one of the most obvious examples of this.#love when i put a wee asterisk in the tags of a post. like i have A Lot To Say lol

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loyyvie · 8 months

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a dude

#redesigning/rewriting this guy. his relationship to lyosha as his adopted brother has been removed.#he's still close with the medvedev family tho. just changed it a bit because he hardly had any plot relevance. now he's his own guy.#cw nudity #pafl #parties are for losers #ferry vocaloid #nopanamaman #OC_Kazimir #loyyvie OCs #pafl oc #just realized how unorganized my tags are. just look through my oc tag lol i don't post much of them anyways

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camgoloud · 5 months

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you ever just. become overwhelmed by a sudden out-of-nowhere wave of tenderness and affection and longing for reconnection directed towards someone to whom you no longer speak for Very Good Reasons

#‘out of nowhere’ she says like she hasn’t been doing a lot of reading/thinking recently about various tragic messy breakups #and the later regrets of the parties involved #anyway. tell me not to text her #it’s been over two years since the last time we talked… absolutely no reason to break that streak now. lord give me strength #she was really fucking mean to me! like objectively intentionally unwarrantedly cruel! it ruined an entire year of my life #and fundamentally changed me as a person on a deep level! there’s a lot of things i used to like about myself that i don’t think i’m ever #going to get back #and yet every once in a while we have to do the whole ‘maybe i could make things right’ song and dance 😔#the thing is most of the time i’m not even really angry with her anymore like enough time has passed since all the shit went down that #really i just sort of look at her behavior and feel sad. both because of the impact on me but also because of the ‘that’s really how you #felt you needed to act towards someone who cared about you? you couldn’t have just expressed your feelings in an honest and productive way #instead of just lashing out in the cruelest possible way and ruining the entire relationship beyond hope of repair?’#and i feel bad and sorry that it went that way and honestly i kind of pity her and hope she’s gotten some of her shit worked out #so i’m not like. actively pissed off at her anymore. but also i can’t think about her without thinking about the worst year of my life so 🙃#i don’t actually feel that trying to reopen that door would be very healthy for me at least #we did try a Reconciliation of sorts a couple of months after the initial falling-out and while it was kind of helpful for me in that she #like. apologized lmao. and affirmed that i wasn’t crazy and she did in fact On Purpose say the most hurtful things she possibly could have #said to me given the information she had at her disposal. and that i really had not done anything to her that could warrant that. etc.#it also left a sour enough taste in my mouth that i just don’t see a future where the two of us spending time together is enjoyable for me #and yet… the regret will always live inside me i think. maybe if i were a stronger person…#caseyposting

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remyfire · 4 months

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I love finding out the things that are solidly important—like, the most crucial things possible—for someone's typical postwar depictions because I have some that are so rigid, it's difficult for me to step outside the lines, but they can sometimes be totally different from someone else's brilliant world that they prefer to paint. Humans and creativity and how our minds work are just! Really cool 😌

#was thinking about it while transcribing and following the rabbit holes from there #it is as crucial to me that trapper makes the conscious decision not to write hawk as it is that bj has an affair with carrie #as it is that trapper is cheating on louise with abandon as it is that bj punches hawkeye #there has to be an extremely important reason which often has to be a narrative event that i write on the page itself for those to change #and so much of it ties around the fact that i am driven by the very careful repair process postwar #like that the worst has already happened and they have suffered through it and survived #and now there is the opportunity to tentatively lovingly carefully build on top of it #like that exact sea change moment where the character who was hurt suddenly Knows to the depths of their soul #that this is never going to happen again and that all the fighting for healing has been worth it for all of them #it's the most vital thing in the whole wide world to me to write about recovery and forgiveness being possible #when all parties have finally extricated themselves from the trauma that led them to make those mistakes #my ramblings

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lisxdumbr · 5 months

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The whole "if a person is mad at you it's their responsibility to tell you" thing just made me realize how fucked my situation is. Like just. woah

#who wants to hesr the story of how I lost my irl friends recently (you will I'm spitting everything right now)#anyway so last year one day one of my friends decided to randomly backstab me and she started talking behind my back #and yeah this all made me mad because?? what the fuck #she started talking and revealing stuff that i had confide to her to other people and they slowly started drifting from me #BUt the thing here is that she was manipulating the story. she changed it every time she told stuff to people to make me look bad #i heard one of the things she said about me once and i was like ?? she even make me dislike me in her version which like woa #anyway I didn't understand why she did that because it was ? so random? and then she started ignoring me and has not talked to me ever since #the thing is. she apparently didn't have enough with just doing that. she slowly started to rot my other friends' brains too?#in the sense that. suddenly the rest of my group was ignoring me too. they never said anything to me. or stated that they had a problem #they just ignored me in my face? and yeah that. hurt #recently i found thanks to a third party that one of them decided to stop talking to me because apparently i had hurt her uncountable times #and she was just soo sick and tired of me doing that. which. honestly made me mad because she did not ever express that to me?? so #what was i supposed to do. if she never said anything.#anyway one of my friends confronted her about the treatment they were giving to me. the whole exclusion thing. and her answer was-#”well it's not my fault that she doesn't have more friends and doesn't talk to people”#and i was like. woah. what a poor reply. is that really it.. also apparently they all had agree to stop talking to me as a group-#-and they never informed me so. thank you?#and I'm still here asking what i did to that ex friend of mine. later on i found out she had hooked up with the guy i used to like btw #and she kept it secret. oh and then i started dating my current partner ! person she also felt attracted to. and that's my only explanation.#she started gossiping after what happened with the first guy. so that's really everything that comes to mind as a reason #ANYWAY now that i was at the hospital i didn't receive a single text from any of them. so i guess that was it. people who don't care-#-like that are not friends. those people are not my friends. people who ignore me on purpose and gossip like that are not. my friends #so yeah that's why I've been feeling down lately but ! here I am i ended up ranting so. much #rant #vent #?#woah i actually feel so much better after spitting it all #I'm also following that sour grape advice btw I'm not giving them the privilege of cutting me out. I'M the one who dislikes them now

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poorly-drawn-mdzs · 1 year

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Bestie Deficiency

[First] Prev <–-> Next

#poorly drawn mdzs #mdzs #a-qing #xue yang #xiao xingchen #Xue yang is cold because cold blooded creatures can't generate their own body heat #I am skipping over drawing the stories they tell due to the fact this arc is already really dragging #but I think they are very key in understanding the yi-city characters #Even if they are stories that really bring down the slumber party vibes A-Qing was hoping for.#I mentioned some of my thoughts in the tags of no. 76 but to continue on a bit more #I think xxc and xue yangs stories inversely mirror each other on the meaning of sacrifice and what it means to 'deserve' something #to xue yang he has only ever sacrificed - therefore he is in his right to 'deserve' what he wants. And he wants everything.#xxc leaves song lan thinking its the best course of action to atone but my god. No it wasn't. Poor communication crown actually goes to xxc #but it's what xxc he feels he deserves - continued sacrifice to atone. He wants to want nothing.#both are very stuck in the past in ways that are not actually accounting for their actions #It's easy to look at xue yang and go 'dang you need to get over your childhood trauma'#but that very much ignores that fact that we - real human beings - define so much by our childhood pains.#Growth is having to come to terms with it and trying to move past it...and not everyone is ready for that.#I have a lot of thoughts on that matter but I'll let it be for now.#Anyways. Amiguito appears to be one of those words whos meaning change depending on speaker and contextual factors #So as far as I can tell it slides around on the scale on romantic and platonic. Which works for this dynamic. I think.#Native Spanish speakers I am so sorry.

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stop-breaking-my-heart-dragonage · 5 months

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So you know this party banter between Aveline and Carver?

Aveline: I don't like some of the people you've been associating with, Carver. Carver: Talk to my brother/sister. He/She's the one in charge.

If you're on the rivalry path with Aveline, she says:

Aveline: Who says I don't mean him/her too? This city's full of people who are dead set on ending badly. I don't want to see you end up the same way.

I just- Aveline, you- you're so- hhhhnnnngggggg

I always rival Aveline when I play a mage, and if you think Edgar Aristide Hawke, who practically raised Carver and Bethany after Malcolm died and Leandra became a distant mother in her grief, wouldn't stop dead in his tracks at Aveline heavily implying he's a bad influence on his brother and Carver shouldn't hang around him so much since apparently Ed's someone set on ending badly...? Absolutely not.

This is another case of me wishing Hawke had the option to jump in during party banter with different options, because Ed would've chewed Aveline out for that.

Oh, and then there's:

Carver: Would asking you to stop spying on me help in the least? Aveline: No.

Aveline...................stop it.

#da2 #dragon age 2 #carver hawke #aveline vallen #da2 hawke #edgar hawke #listen all of aveline and carver's party banter and their relationship and the fact that they're pretty much foils DRIVES ME CRAZY #in a good way but then i get party banter like this and i stop everything i'm doing just to scream #like ed and aveline are on fairly good terms in act 1 i mean the rivalry is there but it's not too bad it's more like they just butt heads #but after leandra's death the friendship just rots and deteriorates like by the end of act 3 ed is genuinely surprised aveline #didn't turn on him and side with the templars but i guess even aveline knows what's actually right #or maybe she just doesn't want to face ed in a fight sksksks hell ed AND carver in a fight so it's easier to side with him and the mages #but anyway aveline saying that when ed's in earshot is bold but also the fact that carver doesn't actually acknowledge it #like he doesn't agree or disagree he just changes the subject to be like 'can you stop spying on me PLEASE'#like he already has no privacy while living with gamlen and now he has no privacy when he's by himself because apparently aveline's spying #also i always max out carver's friendship so he and ed are on good terms they're the brothers hawke and carver loves him #even if he doesn't outright say it you know that's what he's really saying in the last straw #when he says that he's proud to call hawke brother/sister and that's gone unsaid for too long like............ screaming sobbing throwing u #like the carver and hawke dynamic on his friendship path is sooo good that i hear aveline say that and i'm immediately ready to throw hands #btw if you're on aveline's friendship path she says 'maybe but i know you get around' instead which...........gets around where aveline???#aveline my list of beef with you grows with every playthrough i hate you but also i love you but also i want to throw you in the ocean #until you get your head out of your ass like this is a case of her being a FASCINATING character but as a person? while i'm playing ed? ugh #my lady warrior hawke adored aveline but ed is ready to fight her 24/7 sksksk

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deus-ex-mona · 11 months

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youtube

‼️reset the counter‼️ it has been ✨0✨ days since the last chizuutan content drop‼️

#can’t listen to it yet bc i need to finish my dinner and yeet back into self quarantine #b u t it was. unexpected. yeah. new chizuutan content drops for 3 days in a row…#first it was chinese kawaikute gomen. then it was the shampoo ad. and now maid cafe chizuutan…#uh… real talk guys. h a s any other character received such preferential treatment before h e l l o—#even mona’s mvs were released weeks apart leading up to her album drop h e y—#at this rate im. half expecting them to drop the kawaikute gomen manga some time in november #or maybe they’re aiming for winter comiket or sth idk #b u t. ahaha… how much chizuutan is too much chizuutan…?#i mean it’s a huge w for women’s wrongs (stay slayin’ chizuutan keep fighting the good fight o7) but. hm.#g o d now that i think about it she’s gonna have more mvs than ft4 once her next mv drops #and she has already surpassed them if you count the sunny party mvs…#…now im half expecting this year’s novel to be about her tbh.#m a n i should be talking about the song in these tags why am i like this #anyways chizuutan preferential treatment slay(?) may she change her oshi one day(?)#chizuutan chizpost

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mieczyhale · 13 days

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"Never apologize for putting stupid in its place."

- t.

#my sister-in-law tracey said this to me in a message last night in regards to me snapping on my dad at her and her husband's #football watch party friday night #i posted about how i didnt feel sorry for it but i did feel sorry that it may have made shit weird for everyone else #her and my brother messaged me separately to not only tell me it was okay but to say they were glad i said something and they #were very happy i had come over and they hoped i had had a good time otherwise 😭#i very rarely snap at my dad - and when i do it's more passive and never in public - so this was different for me #but i'm beyond done allowing him to say whatever offensive shit he wants #be it transphobic or racist or just shit-talking my mom (one of the worst of his many offenses)#i don't think i even said much but the fact that i said anything at all instead of A. ignoring him or B. leaving the situation myself was #apparently very welcome and THIS is one of the many reasons jim (my brother) and tracey (his wife) are some of my favorite family members #maison speaks #note: i have spent my life afraid of my dad and that hasn't changed much even in my 30s but my patience is so goddamn thin when it #comes to bullshit and like.. i dont live with him. i don't depend on him at all. sometimes he gives me money and i appreciate it #but it's not like.. a necessity #so what's he gonna do?? the only power dude has over me still is the remaining fear and panic #but i'm backed up by people now #so #everything will be okay #probably lmao

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firstroseofspring · 3 days

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thinking pondering to me john torres is like. what if u met a woman. with confidence and dignity and a strong moral backbone. you meet and she makes a distinct impression with her honesty and her frankness and she seems like she's always sure of what she wants and what she needs and she's so different from anyone else you know and thats exciting and she's exciting and she likes you specifically you. and you don't think much of you but it feels good to be liked by someone like that. you love her of course. you marry her. of course!

#diary #miral of course miral this post as all other posts on my blog is about miral. head in my hands #john torres and his projected insecurities and shitty behavior you will always be infamous.#im so deeply rooted in my headcanons for them i have au's . girl the universe isnt even that well established ?#call me b'elanna torres the way i'm turning miral and john over in my head to figure out what the heck happened #in my head john and miral are like. john voice she's never stuttered in her life she always knows what to do she's very serious strong head #on her shoulders. my kind of woman.#meanwhile miral is like. act first pray on it later was that a mistake? well what is a mistake really this is my path now #and i'll have to see how to handle what has been done. seeing as now it can't be changed shrugs. the honorable thing to do.#i also think they see a lot of their flaws as like-#consequences of their cultures and not like personal flaws which can sometimes be true but also sometimes they are very much flaws in the #person.#miral is a little too sure of herself bordering on arrogance and likes control. john is like ahh klingons and their surefootedness :)#<- a little correct but also very wrong.#john is very like. at his worst a cold shoulder bad at personal confrontation kind of a pushover quick to resent but usually just seems #serious and occasionally quiet . normally social tho! so miral is like. a consequence of his upbringing that can't be changed. i will #take him as he is.#which is a nice sentiment and would normally be applied well unless you are these two specifically.#what happens when its 10 or even just five years later and you're getting tired of the cowardice? what happens when its five years later and #you can't go a day without arguing? what happens then.#did you confuse her arrogance for poise for assertiveness? did you confuse her recklessness with courage? whos wrong her or you?#miral voice is he a fool does he not care? he's content to just stand by? cower?#i think from the klingon pov a man who isn't willing to fight for you and your relationship must be devastatinggggg #not literally of course here but also literally. lol #but yeah what does it do to you when the person you love won't even argue with you anymore just totally pulls away? leaves. head in my hands #who do you think fell first. idk but i know who fell harder! :) <- tears in my eyes #i really like pathways where they made miral like a chatty woman and had her offer to host parties for b'elanna and her friends it was so #sweet i should read it again.#i like her to be a little crazy though <3 :)

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