#now working on a couple scholarship applications

[muirneach]

ive applied for like 7 jobs today please clap and cheer

[godisshook]

A Ride to Remember

I had known Liam since high school, he was one of the smartest in our grade, but he barely talked to anyone. I considered him a friend, and would work with him whenever I could. Knowing this I should probably introduce myself, my name is Adama Traore, son of two loving immigrant parents, and luckily, very gay. Later during freshman year, I got a boyfriend, I still remember him fondly as my first kiss, and my first heartbreak. When we broke up junior year, I went into a complete spiral, going to gay bars and hooking up with any guy I could find, neglecting my whole life because of a breakup. I barely spoke to Liam that year, I had heard he got a girlfriend in sophomore year, but I couldn’t bring myself to care. When college applications came around I applied to everywhere I could, just to see who would let me in. I knew that Liam was dead-set on going to Pell College, one of the most selective schools in the country. I applied to Pell too, and when decisions came out, I checked it last. It felt like slow motion when I saw in big letters:

ADAMA TRAORE,

WELCOME TO PELL NATION

I was officially a Dire Wolf (the Pell mascot, it’s lame, I know). I saw on the big board in the front office all the other major acceptances. Liam had a couple, but one stood out, a big wolf paw with his name in it, he got in too. I wasn’t shocked, but this most certainly meant we were going to the same college. While this would be the start to a great conversation, it simply never happened, we had just grown too distant.

Senior year came and went with me seeing little of Liam, and now it was summer break. I was college prepping and my mom was sobbing as she took me shopping for essentials each and every day. One day, I went onto our schools acceptance page on Instagram, and the latest post had a familiar person, at least, a familiar name.

@lgporter876 Hey guys, my name is Liam Porter and I am going to be a freshman at Pell in 2023, i wanna get to know ppl so leave ur snaps in the comments.

He was completely different. The shy sweet guy that I knew from high school had changed entirely. I didnt care though, he was doing his own thing and I was doing mine. I posted a few days after him, and I become flooded with dm’s of sorority girls asking me to be their gay best friend, truly something out of a nightmare if you ask me.

The day before classes, all of my things were moved into my dorm and I met my roommates. Kyle was your average nerd, he had brown curly hair and freckles, and wore glasses with wide rims. Next was Jamie, he was quiet, but stood at 6’2 and was here on a basketball scholarship. I immediately started chatting him up, and tried to see if he could be a potential fling. Finally was Eric. Eric was lanky but wasn’t entirely introverted like Kyle, hanging out with people and even becoming a good friend of mine on campus.

One of the buses drop off a load of students to the dorms, and a familiar face comes out of it with bags in hand:

My mom had barely seen Liam since freshman year, and never caught on that it was him, but I most definitely did. He walks to one of the dorms further down from mine, “There goes my chance to chat with him in the hallways.” I think to myself. I was a Literature major, and from what I knew Liam wanted to study Mechanical Engineering, so there was little chance we would ever see each other in the same class.

I go to my first class of the day: “History of Pre-Columbian Writing and Forms” taught by a frazzled professor who looks no younger than 76 named Dr. Fredericks. He was an awesome teacher, and I actually paid attention in class. Afterward I head to my Civics and Common Law class, it was rather empty, except for Liam. He was sitting in the 5th row, and as I open the door he glances back and meets my eye. I sit in the 7th row, open my computer, and start snooping. Lo and behold, this very class was an optional GenEd for Mechanical Engineering, and Liam chose it. I quickly leave class, and rush to my dorm.

A few weeks pass and my minifridge is empty. After eating the dining hall food for practically a month straight I was tired, so I drove to the gas station near our school to get some snacks and microwave meals. In the far back of the gas station I spot a group of frat bros, from the letters I could make out they were in Delta Zeta Kappa, known as one of the most toxic on campus. Laughing right with them is no other than Liam himself.

“You should’ve fucked her!” one of the bros near him says before patting Liam’s back. I try to quickly pick my stuff up and leave, but one of the other brothers whistles at me. It was Tyler Felton, a guy who I drunkenly hooked up with at one of his frat’s parties. Tyler calls me over and introduces me to each of the other brothers, and they start chuckling and jabbing Tyler in the arm, clearly he’s already talked about me to them. When I shake hands with Liam, it’s bare sly even a touch before he already has his hands pulled away.

Leaving the gas station was rather embarrassing, simply because I could imagine what they would talk about once I left. But Liam, he confused me. I didn’t think we were on bad terms, but by that handshake it seems we were.

I go back to my room and go straight to his instagram to figure out what’s going on. He still follows me, and it’s clear he unfollowed people from high school, so if he hated me why in the world did he still follow me?

I look at his recent posts and my eye catches to one of them:

He had clearly been going to the gym, and even though he might be a jerk now, he’s fucking HOT. I pull down my pants and start masturbating, thinking about feeling those muscles of his and fantasizing about how big his cock must be. I close my eyes and start imagining it, and the thought of it makes me end up getting cum all over my phone, and I immediately start wiping it away with tissues, feeling ashamed that I just came to a picture of a guy who is most definitely straight. After my little session on his insta, I study for my pre-calculus exam, and slowly drift to sleep over my notes. My alarm jolts me awake, as drool is all over my notes from my sudden study sesh coma. I rustle them together into my backpack and head to class for the day. Liam is there (as always) and we don’t speak at all during or after class (as always). As we’re packing up Dr. Stevens, the professor for the Civics course, announces we have a group project, but he’s already picked the partners.

As he rattles off last name pairings, I have yet to hear mine or Liam’s, until-“Mr. Traore, Mr. Porter, you two will be paired for this assignment.” My heart sinks to the very bottom of my chest. The guy who I now have nothing in common with, paired up for a 3-week assignment, nothing could be worse. “I can just handle it and you can get credit.” Liam says as he passes by me to leave class. Before he could fully pass, I grab his arm. He jerks back and stares at me. I glare back, “I will do my part too, I don’t know about you, but I care about this work.” Liam keeps my gaze and smirks. He easily releases his arm from my grasp, and walks away.

I don’t hear from him for a while, but he gets to work on our shared document, as do I. I suddenly get a DM on insta, while I expected it to be Liam, it was Tyler, sending me a flyer to his frat’s Halloween party. While Liam was most definitely going to be there, I just wanted a chance to dress all skimpy, so I accepted the invite.

After getting my sluttiest Daphne costume, i head down with Tyler, who decided to pick me up, and match with me as Fred (against my will mind you). My car had broken down, and I was simply far too broke to get it fixed now. We get to the party and it’s already insane, people are outside, beer pong tables set up everywhere, and girls grinding on all the brothers on the dance floor. I see nothing of Liam, but decide that’s a good thing.

The party goes much as I would have expected, with Tyler finding every way to stay near me, and me trying my very best to escape him when I can. I catch a glance of Liam while I walk for my 9th bathroom break to get away from Tyler. As I walk out, he’s near the door, and pushes me back in. “I want us to talk again.” he says, and before I can even get a word out, he leaves, never to be seen again.

Two days later I get a snap notification from none other than the man himself:

Using a shirtless gym selfie to get back into my good graces is a bold choice, considering i’m “talking to” one of his frat brothers, but I assume it’s all platonic, and send a photo of me studying for my literature exam in my bed back. After snapping back and forth for a few days I assume that will be all there is, and accepted that at least he was talking to me about our project. After checking the project the day before it’s due I see an announcement.

YOU ARE TO USE POSTER BOARD TO PRESENT KEY POINTS, POWERPOINT AND OTHER DIGITAL PROGRAMS WILL NOT BE USEABLE AS THE PROJECTOR IS DEAD.

Dr. Stevens was giving us an extension to find the stuff we needed, and I quickly text Liam to go pick up some poster board as my car is still very much broken. He chats back “come with me.” Confusion swept my face as getting poster board definitely wasn’t a two person job, but he quickly chatted again, “we can work on it together at my place.” Seeing this as a chance to actually reconnect, I say yes, and he comes to pick me up.

I start taking hits of my dab pen in the car, knowing that high me would actually be able to get some work done. As we pull into a residential area, he stops and pulls to the sidewalk. I ask him, “Why in god’s name did you stop here??? The store isn’t for a few more miles.” “I have been waiting for this my whole life.” he replies. Thinking i’m about to get axe murdered by my old friend I try to get out, but the doors are locked. He then says, “I never knew how I felt about you until I saw you with that fucker Tyler, the dude doesn’t deserve a pet rock, much less you.” The sudden romantic shift of his words gives me whiplash, but at least he’s not trying to kill me? As he says this, he puts a hand on my thigh. Even though I had ended my villain era, a little hookup between old friends was just what the doctor ordered.

I get in the base of the seat under him and pull his pants down very slowly. His hard dick pops up out of his underwear, and he glances down at me as I start to suck. He groans loudly and grabs the handle at the top, looking at me straight in the eyes the whole time.

As I continue doing down on him, he says, “I knew this would be the best.” If the rumors were true, he had fucked nearly half the freshman girls, and somehow i’m the best? I smile and keep going until he stops me. With his massive arms he pulls my head up and says, “It’s not over yet.” He pulls his shirt over his head, revealing that hard body and, as he starts the car he says, “Keep sucking.”

On the road in the rain, I keep looking up at this old friend of mine, wondering if i had missed a signal, and as I keep going, he starts to push my head down on his massive cock, and then let’s put a loan moan, as he cums all in my mouth. I swallow it down and look up at him, still listening to his music and focusing on the road.

While still below him, we come to a stop. He unbuckles and gets out, only in his boxers. I shimmy up and stumble out, clearly not at a Walmart or any place we could get poster for that matter. “It’s my cousins place, he’s not home so he lets me stay.” Liam says as if reading my mind. It’s clear what he wants, and I get ready for it.

After getting in he immediately starts kissing me, Unbuttoning my shirt, and pulling down my pants until i’m much like him, only far less muscly and way shorter. He pins me against the wall and starts kissing my nipples, saying, “Do you like that?” as he goes on and on. Eventually he takes me upstairs, and as I do I see him pull his boxers down. He tells me, “Get on the bed.” and I comply.

As i’m under him on the bed, he starts shoving his dick in my ass, pounding and pounding my tight ass and grunting all while doing it. He flexes his muscles in a mirror right next to the bed, which is the only way i can even notice what he’s doing as he’s giving me the best backshots of my life. He tells me to get up and wrap my legs around his, with his cock still in me i maneuver around and do it, and he asks, “Is that better?” After nodding he says, “Good boy.” and I look down, completely falling for him. As he pounds me again, I feel up and down his hard body, and he keeps fucking me ruthlessly.

After pounding my ass until it goes from a dark brown to a purplish tinge, Liam says, “I’ve had a crush on you since forever, but I never knew what to say, and by the time I could you had a boyfriend. I was always looking for a chance but I thought it would never happen, so I worked to be the guy you would want, and I just hope I fucking am.” How had I been so naïve??? He wanted to be with me since freshman year and I was the one to friendzone him. Letting this words sit with me for a while I caress his face and say, “You have always been the guy I wanted, I was just too blind to see.”

He smirks and starts fucking like never before, he takes my hips and moves it towards and away from his cock, grunting each time his cock goes all the way in me. In this moment I don’t see anything else but him, and as he cums in me I pull his body towards me, pulling him into me, and embracing him as our warm sweaty bodies touch. After that we end up continuing for five more rounds, each getting more and more passionate. After that whenever we would see each other after class,we would go into the supply closet and fuck again. I felt like a ball of hormones but it felt good with him.

Finally at present day, with us having been dating for three years, it seems like all of this could’ve been missed if anything had gone wrong. Every moment with him is truly memorable, and even though I never would’ve saw myself with the quiet nerd turned frat guy, I guess that’s what happened. I thank the universe each and every day for that fateful car ride, and as i get ready to graduate, I start thinking that Porter sounds like a perfect last name for me.

[allwormdiet]

Agitation 3.1

Got waylaid by work and brain weather, but we're back to it. Let's see how Taylor's life is going

Her routine has come up before, but it bears saying that I think Taylor's actual superpower might just be that she's a morning person who can hold herself to accomplish daily goals, like goddamn girl

The constant, casual cruelty that makes up so much of Taylor's history is equal parts saddening and infuriating. I'm sure we'll get an explanation for why the bullies do this to her, I think I've said as much in previous posts, but also as mentioned in previous posts I find it aggravating to endure.

...I don't know if this is quite the right place in my reading to speculate on it, but I'm not sure if Taylor even has a shot at university at this point, even setting aside the cape thing. The bullies are all in her year, which means they'd never be separated from her by graduation. Their constant sabotage and harassment would mean her grades are low, so even if she gets into a college with whatever GPA she can bodge together (and no extracurriculars to pad her application out), she's probably not going to earn any scholarships and money's already pretty tight for the Heberts. That means student loans, and probably shit rates considering the world they're in.

Maybe this is my bitter ass reflecting on how the greatest benefits I got out of going to college were completely incidental to the courses I took or the degree I earned, but... Taylor, I know college meant a lot to your mom, I just don't think that path is nearly as open to you as it used to be. I think it's fine to just learn a trade, and I think it's fine if the trade is armed robbery.

So you're telling me Taylor's self-image used to be worse? Jeeesus

I like that Brian knows how to blend into an environment as the situation calls for it. That speaks to a pretty keen observational ability, and also is maybe tied to his need to act more grown-up than he is. And now I'm sad again.

"I want" is cute, embarrassment is for suckers (I say, easily embarrassed)

I don't even like coffee, but a fifteen dollar coffee had better be the best coffee you've ever had, oh my god

And honestly that must have been weird for every member of the team, just suddenly having money not be a problem anymore. Taylor's holding out for now, although I suspect it won't be that way forever, and everyone else either wants or needs it bad enough for their own ends that I don't think they're gonna think about it too hard (except for Lisa, who has the full context and whose power is thinking too hard)

Taylor please don't undersell your injuries to your teammates, I don't like you doing it with your dad but I understand it. Here though? Come onnnnn

Yeah there we go

Violence is an easy language to understand. Cruel, obviously, and painful, but if Rachel is already struggling with other people's words and feelings (five bucks says she's autistic tbh) then getting the shit kicked out of her is probably a better sell on the new recruit than any pretty speech

...Ideally they move past that pretty quick so words can be used again

Also poor Rachel, for real. Ten years in the system and then whatever it was that triggered her powers, which is obviously never good. No wonder she came out the other end more willing to trust dogs than people.

Ugh, my heart

Is she showing off for the guy she's crushing on? That's adorable

Curious that the limits of her power seem to be based on complexity of the brain. I assume there has to be a brain at all or else she could just shoot germs at people, although that'd also be a little bit inefficient as a power unless she started getting into disease warfare and holy shit this would be a very different story if Taylor could give people smallpox

Gotta be a weird day for the crab though

Couple things here

Brian you're not even eighteen yet as far as I know, what the hell

Of course Lisa cheated, she's built to cheat, at that point I'm not sure it even counts as cheating

Knowing what I know about Alec, somehow I doubt he was ever in school to drop out in the first place

...on the flipside I'm a little surprised that Rachel never went during her time in the system, you'd figure that'd be a condition of her fostering but either the guardians didn't give a shit or she fought her way out of ever actually attending

Also, I know it's a matter of course that she'd have a key to the base, but it's sweet all the same

It's nice of Brian to make this offer, although I'm willing to bet it's because he's the only Undersider who would get up before 6 AM. It's also a pretty smart call to keep her up to date this way

Also very funny that Taylor is like "Oh I like Lisa just fine but she scares the shit out of me"

...Also also, for real, Lisa has to already know what's going on with Taylor right? There's no way Taylor's good enough at lying to bury that one.

Girl I'm dreading it and I'm just reading about it

This is just. So goddamn sad. And maddening, to boot.

Gee Taylor you sure to seem to spend a fair amount of time thinking about the comparative attractiveness of other women

Agonizing, though, for real. Wildbow has knocked every school scene out of the park and I hate it.

I wonder if Taylor's gonna even bother coming back to school at this point. First day she left mid lunch, second day she left right after lunch started, here she's splitting before first period. As much as she clings to this side of her life... I don't know if it's any healthier than full-time villainy.

Go blow off steam with your new friends Taylor

Current Thoughts

I actually don't have any real expectations for this arc going into it. Obviously Arc 1 is the start of... I mean kind of everything, and Arc 2 is made up of the immediate aftermath from those events. This one? I dunno. I was a little worried I'd have to deal with another chapter of Winslow, but it looks like Taylor decided she was sick of that shit

I like Brian, but I think mostly I'm worried for him? This is a lot of effort so far made to seem mature and normal, and I don't know if that's possible for a teenager who goes out to be a supervillain. It's admirable in a sense, but I'm worried about how fragile it leaves him.

I don't love that Rachel seems satisfied by an exchange of violence but that's more bc I don't want these kids beating the shit out of each other, not any kind of "this is bad actually" sense.

Other than that I'm mostly just curious what the rest of this arc looks like. Thank fuck it's not more high school.

Oh, yeah, I'm gonna try and read more at work today, I might take my screenshots then and see if they drive me up a wall, but even if so I'll just retake them when I get home. Fingers crossed work is slow enough for it.

[misschanadlerbong]

Chapter 10 - Damsel in Distress

A/N: I know I am posting after a very long time, but I'll try to be consistent now :)

Summary: Bryce tries to take advantage of the reader yet again.

Warnings: sexual assault, substance abuse, violence (I put a "..." before the triggering content)

Genre: Heavy angst

Word Count: 1.8k

< Previous | Next >

“Hey, Nerd!” You met Clay at your locker, and he greeted you by pecking your lips which brought a huge grin to your face.

“Really? Nerd? How about babe, or honey maybe? I thought we were past that ‘you calling me nerd phase’.”

“Oh Jensen, come on you know how much I love calling you Nerd and don’t tell me you don’t love that too. So, I am going to pass on your offer” you patted his cheeks and gave him a sweet kiss.

Well, Clay could not agree more. He liked it when you called him by those nicknames, but he was just trying to act like a normal couple. He decided not to argue further and held your hand as you both walked together to your first class.

This was the best thing in your relationship with Clay; you can be you. You can be honest with him; you can be yourself and you still got to roast each other and be sarcastic without a hint of judgment. This was nothing like what you felt with Zach, with Zach you had this urge to be the perfect girl because Zach was one of the most popular guys in school and there were no less jealous prying eyes on you. With Clay, you can be free and confident.

When you broke the news of your hot passionate night with Clay to Jessica, she could not be happier to know about you two, she felt like a proud mom.

It had been a month and you never felt this happy since the winter break. Your scores improved, and all your teachers were happy, you filled out your college applications for your top favorite colleges. With Clay being one of the most important highlights of your life, it felt like a cherry on top.

The basketball tournament was near which meant that you had to work harder every day after school, and now that your exams were done you decided to focus on your game because you needed that sports scholarship to get into the ivy college of your choice.

This meant that you could not focus enough on your relationship with Clay, but you always found a way to balance both. Sometimes, he came to pick you up after practice, sometimes you showed up at his place when his parents were out and sometimes you both took a walk up to the cliff and just sat there enjoying the city view.

Most of the time you fell asleep on Clay’s shoulders and when you did, Clay would kiss on top of your head and wrap his hands around you so that you don’t feel cold.

That day the practice was going to be longer than usual, and you told Clay to not wait up till late for you at night. You said your goodbyes to Jess and Clay and went to the gym with Justin. You changed into your practice clothes and tied your hair in a simple bun so that they don’t interrupt you while playing.

The practice was tiring every day but today, it was brutal. The coach made you do twenty laps and then the abdominal exercises to strengthen the core muscles. Then you finally got to play the game and if all that was not enough, he asked you to do a couple more laps and finish the day with stretching.

Before you started stretching you were a bit dehydrated and realized that you forgot your water bottle at the gym, so you went into the gym and drank water from your bottle, and sat for a while to relax.

Until you finished your stretching regime, most of the guys already left as they didn’t take it very seriously but you on the other hand took your after-practice stretching extremely seriously to avoid having sore muscles afterward.

You changed into your fresh dry clothes and went to the gym to grab your things. All you wanted was a long hot bath in your bathtub, just the thought of it was comforting to you and you felt so sleepy which was unusual. You did feel tired after practice every day, but this felt exceptionally weird.

You were just packing up your things and saw Bryce entering from the door. Honestly, you were skeptical but not scared of him. You just packed your things and walked up straight to the door. As you were going you walked past Bryce with a subtle smile on your face, you grasped as you felt a tight grip on your wrist.

...

Bryce grabbed your wrist and slammed you against the wall keeping you between both his hands. You tried to push him off as he was reducing the gap between you two. Your bodies were brushing against each other. You pushed him hard, and he held one of his hands against your neck pinning you to the wall. You felt your throat constrict as he put more force against your throat almost choking you. His other hand pinned you against the wall.

Your eyes were full of tears as you felt helpless. You struggled to breathe and could not gather much strength to push him off. You could see your fear in the reflection of his dreadful eyes. Those sinful green eyes looked straight at you with an evil grin on his face, there was no guilt in his eyes. It was like whatever he was doing was right. He came closer to you mounting his six feet body over your short body.

“Come on baby, we are just having some fun together. It is not my fault that you looked so hot today. Running in those shorts showing off your perfect ass.” Even his words creeped you out.

“I am with Clay asshole, leave me alone!” you demanded while struggling to speak.

“Oh, is that scrawny little shit enough to satisfy you huh?” he came closer and whispered right into your ear “I’ll let you have so much more fun. Trust me you will be satisfied”.

“His name is Clay Jensen; don’t you dare say anything about my boyfriend, dick.”

You gathered all the force left in you and kicked his crotch. As soon as you were released by his grip you started running straight towards the door, but Bryce recovered soon from the kick and pulled you back on the ground. He climbed over you and started taking his joggers off. It was then that you heard the door and saw Zach entering. Zack sprinted towards you and pushed Bryce off you.

...

“Oh, come on Zachy, let’s have some fun together now that you’re here too. She never let you have sex with her right? Come let’s show her how real men are.”

“You are so pathetic, Bryce! Get off her,” Zach yelled at him.

He carried you in his arms as you passed out after that. The last thing you remember was Zach pushing Bryce off you. You woke up in a familiar bedroom, but it wasn’t yours. You were in Zach’s bed lying with the blanket tucked around your body. You woke up in a panic and saw Zach sitting on the chair in his room. He brought all his attention toward your confused look. You had so many questions in your mind like what happened with Bryce? Did he do something? Why did you feel so dizzy? And more importantly, how did you end up in Zach’s bed?

You felt weak, and couldn’t understand why. Zach told you how he fought Bryce and why he brought you to his place rather than yours.

“Um…Your mum isn’t cool about you being in sports and stuff and I thought if she got to know what happened she might even forbid you from playing. So, I thought that I’ll bring you here instead.”

“Why am I feeling so weak and sleepy? It’s not usual?”

“I…uh needed some water so I thought to drink it from your bottle as I didn’t want to leave you alone. But You must not have noticed this, there was some sort of drug added to the water, and maybe that is why you felt so feeble. But I promise I did not do anything other than putting you to bed and Bryce couldn’t do anything either I um… I was there on time. You’re safe,” said Zach with reassurance in his tone.

You felt speechless, you were just replaying the whole scenario in your head, and it was horrible. Your face went pale, and you looked emotionless. You didn’t know what to say to him. Thousands of thoughts were running into your mind, but you couldn’t say anything. You’ve never felt this way before not even after your first encounter with Bryce.

“I called your mom and told her you had some doubts so you’re studying with me and Clay has been texting you repeatedly, you should probably text him back,” said Zach breaking the ominous silence in the room.

You looked at him and our vision was blurred with the tears forming in your eyes, noticing your tears Zach walked up to you and held both your hands to comfort you “Hey, it’s gonna be okay…” You cut him off and pushed his hands off you, “Don’t touch me!” you yelled at him and stood up to leave his place.

You turned towards him and shrieked “You expect me to thank you, Zach? When all of this is your fault, he tried to have sex with me even when you and I were dating.”

Zach looked surprised and you told him all about what Bryce tried to do earlier. Till Zach could comprehend all this you said, “You think I don’t know about your stupid dare of who gets to hook up with Y/N first?”

Zach was shocked as if you were not supposed to know anything about that dare.

“Yeah, Justin told me after you broke up with me and I wasn’t happy enough to be relieved that I was free from your trap. Seriously Zach? It was not expected from you and now you come to my rescue like a fucking hero. Who’d you think you are?”

“Y/N listen to me that was a stupid dare, and I did not date you because of a dare, I liked you, a lot. It was all when you came into the school, and you were a new girl and all.”

“You expect me to believe that after all that’s happened? And you know what I don’t even want to talk about it, I don’t want to talk about anything to anyone and you dare not mention this incident to anyone and I think you’ll do a great job at it as you’re good with dares and all” You raged at him and picked up your stuff and left.

You could hear Zach trying to say something, but you didn’t care enough, you didn’t care about anything or about anyone. You reached your home, locked yourself in your bedroom and curled up on the bed, and cried your eyes out. You felt awful and you never wanted to step into that shitty school and look at that asshole ever again.

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THANK YOU!!!

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[missys-mansion-of-mistakes]

July 26th, 2024. Friday.

🌊 Today was good! I got a lot of things done I'd been meaning to do for weeks. I completed:

Looking at a list of programs that apply to my research and the information I'm presenting at the conference in 2 (!!!) weeks. Added it all to the spreadsheet I'm compiling.

Sending in an application to be on an organization's Board of Directors. I got an auto-reject because they got a lot of applications, but that's alright, I put it on my calendar to try again in 6 months.

I drafted the CF scholarship and, on a whim, just submitted it. It was kind've a bad essay but... I just wanted it done. Bad call, and I won't win the scholarship because of it, but that's OK. More writing practice earned and that helps.

Drafted the PC scholarship. This one was WAY hard. Required a brainstorm session with my boyfriend to even figure out what to write about. But I got an outline together, a first draft, and a 2nd draft too. Need to sleep on it though.

In exchange for all the above: skipped all my morning routines except relaxing for an hour. In that hour I wrote a letter to my boyfriend that I'm going to tuck in a book I send him on Monday. There's 2 books he bought when he was here with me that he wanted me to send him, and I'm buying him a copy of a book I think he'll really love too ("Seed to Dust"-- it's an amazing book!) I'm also sending him a sticker of a snail and a frog in a long-distance relationship... it's us!!

So yeah. Very productive with the one-off tasks.

💤 Very tired today. Need to transition fully back onto the looseleaf yerba instead of messing with the canned yerba-- the former of those is more medicinal, the other has like ~150mg caffeine per can. Not good. 💄 So, I was looking at getting myself more makeup/"beauty" supplies because of my new job. Now, I'm a girl who-- until recently-- would consider herself pretty butch. But as I've been trying to get into professionalism more, dressing better at work, etc, I've realized that I get a lot more positive attention when I dress way more femininely. This also plays into the oft-quoted statistic about how women who wear makeup are chosen way more often for promotions/job opportunities/whatever than women who don't. So I figured, since it seems I've finished taking the leap into wearing dresses, now was the time to take the leap into actual makeup.

Now, I have makeup already too. I have these things: foundation, sunscreen, moisturizer, highlighter. That's IT!

So when I mentioned offhandedly several weeks ago that a job in a fancy, rich town wanted to interview me, and I might need to learn makeup, a friend was shocked that I didn't even have a lipstick to speak of.

I ordered this mystery beauty box to fix that. No this isn't an advertisement, I just wanted to share because honestly this fixed my problem elegantly AND made me happy-- win-win!

Everything in the first picture is what I got in the box. 3 lipsticks, 2 eyeshadows, 2 lipliners, 1 eyeliner, 1 undereye highlighter, a bunch of brushes, a ton of spa stuff I'll have to convince myself to use, and more! Now I'll just have to experiment with them lol.

Anyway, yeah, it was pretty and I'm happy.

📦 My parents need help going through boxes in the garage tomorrow. I'll have to drive up home tomorrow morning to help. So, another couple days working on the laptop at their house. Let's see how productive I can be up there...

What has made you happy recently?

Sending happiness your way!!

[Photos: mystery box unpacked, my tie-dye envelope in front of my PC, tie-dye envelope and long-distance snail and frog sticker, mystery box still packaged up.]

[densi-mber]

Behind the Scenes

A/N: This idea was inspired by the Ted Lasso episode “No Weddings and a Funeral”. Particularly the element with key events happening on the same day.

***

April 3, 2001

“Miss Blye, you have some of the highest grades I’ve seen in my career,” Susan Walters, Kensi’s academic advisor told her. “It’s really quite impressive. Especially considering the…hardships you’ve dealt with.”

Kensi studied her intertwined fingers, still uncomfortable with the allusion to her past. Few people knew about her father’s death, her years spent homeless, and she preferred to keep it that way.

“Thank you, Ma’am. The support I’ve received from the university and staff has certainly helped,” Kensi replied diplomatically. She didn’t mention that while in high school she’d worked a nearly full-time job to get by while attending high school or that she���d forged various documents when she needed parental approval.

“That’s good to hear. Speaking of which, I understand that you are interested in pursuing a military career.”

“My father was in the military, but I’ve actually considered the Naval Criminal Investigative Service.” Susan Walters tilted her head, and Kensi tacked on. “It’s a federal agency that handles the investigation of military cases and other national cases that go beyond other agencies’ scope of practice.”

“I see,” Susan Walters said, nodding. Kensi had hoped to get a few semesters under her belt before mentioning that particular aspiration. When she’d brought it up with her high school advisor, the woman had pushed her to consider more “likely” careers.

“I know it’s unusual,” Kensi hurried to explain, a fault of hers under pressure. “But I’ve always wanted to help people and this still allows me to support the military.” She didn’t dare mention her ulterior motives for choosing NCIS.

“Actually, I have heard of the agency in the past. I think it’s a wonderful ambition,” Susan told Kensi, much to her surprise. “Particularly because I received contact from a privately funded scholarship looking to support your education.”

“Oh. May I ask what the scholarship is called?” Kensi asked. She already had merit-based scholarships and awards that covered most of her tuition, room, and board. The rest was subsidized by loans and her work-study position.

“It’s one of many from the LH Legacy Foundation. The founders look to support students pursuing a service career such as in the military or law enforcement.”

“I’ve never heard of that before.” And Kensi had applied for just about every scholarship she could.

“It’s quite a private scholarship,” Susan explained shortly. She pulled Kensi’s file to the middle of her desk. “Anyway, beginning this semester, you will be eligible for this scholarship and continue to be eligible for as long as your GPA remains at 3.8 or higher and pursue your current path.”

Kensi walked out of her appointment 20 minutes later stunned. With this new scholarship, she could quit her job and not take out anymore loans.

It was life changing.

***

April 3, 2001

“So, Marty, where do we stand with your applications for law school?”

“Yeah, about that, Mr. Strum,” Deeks responded, shifting uncomfortably. “I’ve filled out a couple, but—”

“I’m sure you know that most deadlines are approaching quickly. If you want to be accepted for the year following your graduation, you really do need to apply now,” the man sitting across from Deeks explained.

Deeks didn’t think Strum had ever fully understood him. Unlike the previous advisors, at lest he seemed to want Deeks to succeed.

“Yeah, no, I realize that.” Deeks tucked a strand of hair behind his ear. “I’d love to apply, but it’s the financial aspect. I don’t have the money for the application fees, let alone if I actually get accepted into any of the programs. I’m barely scraping by as it is.”

It was a humiliating revelation, and one that he’d put off as long as possible. Sure, the university knew he was a scholarship kid, without family contribution, but they didn’t know the true extent of his situation. They definitely didn’t know about his late nights spent stripping—and he fervently hoped no one ever would.

“Oh, well you should have told me sooner,” Strum said. “There are waivers you and funds you can apply for specifically for this situation. In fact, we have an entire fund just for that purpose. And, then when the time comes we can look into grants and scholarships for law school.”

Frowning, Deeks processed the information for a few moments, then regarded Strum suspiciously. “Graduate level students typically don’t qualify for scholarships,” he pointed out. “Not unless it’s in a field that pays for its future employees to finish. So, what would I have to do?”

“Nothing, Marty.” Strum paused a beneath. “Except continue to demonstrate the same spectacular level of work and enthusiasm for the legal profession as you always have.”

It sounded too easy, which worried Deeks. In his experience, this kind of thing never came without catches.

Yet, he was pretty desperate. Just enough to sigh, and accept the offer.

“Thank you, sir. What do I need to fill out.”

Smiling, Strum passed him a document with the heading LH Endowment Fund at the top. He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.

***

A/N: I realize this doesn’t quite fit into some of the canon events for Kensi and Deeks’ first encounters with Hetty. However, it’s made pretty clear they were on her radar far before they actually knew it. So, if this contradicts anything canon, well, the show writers did it often enough that I should get a pass.

Also, this is not really condoning Hetty’s actions, just demonstrating that she was manipulating events with all the team for years.

[profilerjavi]

[pedro pascal — 42 — he/him] Introducing JAVIER GUZMAN. Word on the street is they are a CRIMINAL PROFILER, and despite what others might think, they remain CORRUPT. Though they are NEGATIVE TRAIT and NEGATIVE TRAIT, they can also be POSITIVE TRAIT and POSITIVE TRAIT. In the chaos of New York City, they’re sure to fit right in. 

— BASICS

Name: Javier Guzman Age / D.O.B.: 45 Gender, Pronouns & Sexuality: Male, he/him, Bisexual Hometown: Affiliation: CORRUPT Job position: Criminal Profiler Education: NYU Relationship status: Single, widowed Children: One, 19 year old named Luca Positive traits: (Loyal, smart, calculated, educated, quick witted) Negative traits: (Grumpy, noncommittal, moody, uncaring, big temper)

— BIOGRAPHY

Javier did not grow up in a good family environment. Growing up, he was surrounded by poverty and drugs, and became a bit of a hardass when it came to his family. His single father was the only true stability in his life, and taught him how to take care of his family; working as a single dad at a casino, he illustrated the dangers of drugs and alcohol to his son from a very young age. Javier mostly took care of himself, developing an attitude and getting in trouble at school a lot for acting out, but his father's teachings stuck enough for him to know not to get involved with drugs.

After graduating high school, he took a year off to work a couple of retail jobs and rake in the money. Before long, he had enough to get a small apartment and get out of the area he'd grown up in. In an instant, everything changed for him. His attitude changed, his anger changed, his life changed. He no longer felt a need to act out, no longer was seeking the attention of his father, now that he was living on his own. It felt like he could breathe again.

He decided to go to college and pursue criminal justice, with the intention of going back to the neighbourhood and trying to fix the things that he'd seen. It had never been his goal to become corrupt in any way. In fact, it had been his goal to help people, to save them. At 25, he was even in a relationship with a woman, he was in therapy, and she had said yes to his marriage proposal. He was working as a police officer, well on his way to becoming a detective. All was well.

Finally, he was assigned the role of detective, and he started investigating the gangs and requested to work in his old neighbourhood, buying a new apartment there. For a few years, he improved things there, and even set up a new government building to help underprivileged kids receive free extra educational classes outside of high school to prepare them for scholarship applications.

Then, tragedy struck, as it typically does in these sorts of situations. He was working on investigating a drug hit in the area, when he found one of his current students at the scene. The boy begged Javi to protect him, and he made the decision to take the child in, keeping him safe. Unfortunately, the child has a friend, and he shows up at the house demanding his drug money after the child accidentally lets slip where he's living now. An altercation starts and he can't get there fast enough. The only one who survives is the child, Javi's wife is killed and the friend flees the scene.

Although Javier is able to profile the criminal and fellow officers make the arrest, it's too late. The trauma sticks with him, and he can feel himself reverting back to his old self. Despite himself, he can't let go of the child, and ends up keeping him as he sells his apartment and moves back into his old one. With justice served to his wife's death, he feels he no longer really has a major purpose in life.

He stays at his job, the education center he'd opened stays open and he consistently keeps up with it, but the passion is lost. His child is the one who mostly takes over those sorts of departments, and he tries to keep a positive face about it, tries to not let him see the pain and tragedy under the surface. The job at the education center stabilizes the boy so much that he's almost ready to live on his own, but he stays to keep Javi company

However, his father's wishes for him are suddenly ancient history. He finds himself frequenting bars, drinking on occasion, mostly just surrounding himself with others who are low and rowdy and can drown his thoughts out. It's here he finds himself occasionally meeting others, and it's at those shady bars that the corruption starts.

At first it's simple things. A criminal he's profiling finds him and offers him a few thousand to steer the police in the wrong direction. He'd rejected those offers his entire career, but after his wife dies and this career becomes something he doesn't care about as much, he finds himself accepting those offers. It turns out to be easy money.

Then it gets more serious. Accusing others. Implanting whole new ideas in the eyes of law enforcement. Despite himself, he can't get himself to stop accepting offers. He saves the money, pockets it, and doesn't care that his name is starting to rise among the local gangs. There is no one specific gang that he stops for, but he frequents certain areas where the TTC is a lot, and is typically assigned jobs in that area. His corruption is more based around not caring about his job and the consequences. If he is arrested or killed, he doesn't care that much anymore.

— WANTED CONNECTIONS / PLOTS

Anything!

[renegade-diamonds]

More Betrothal AU Thoughts (Future-Life)

Despite Nancy's grand plan of pushing off the wedding as far as she can, they end up getting married two years into their college career. After all the drama with the Upside Down, and the work they've done to make their relationship work, (plus Ted's generous wedding fund and Karen's impressive planning skills), they decide to go ahead with the marriage during the summer between their second and third years at Emerson. Coincidentally, this also gives them the option to pursue even more scholarships and grants that were only available to married couples.

They get married in San Francisco, and fall in love with the city while they're there. Robin's particularly interested in the LGBTQ+ community (which is obviously a bit different considering the ABO aspect), and Nancy arranges some meetings for her own future career opportunities. Considering Dr. Owens is able to get them the very best references for job applications, they're nearly guaranteed whatever job they want.

After graduation, they move out to San Francisco. Coincidentally, Max and Lucas go to college there, and they live with them during the school year- keeping a close connection with their friends that are now scattered across the country at various Universities. (Dustin gets into UC Berkley with Suzie and they visit quite often as well).

They get two cats, a pair of kittens that randomly show up in their rooftop garden one night. It's still a mystery how they got there, but Robin was enamored with them from the very first moment, and Nancy quickly works in pet supplies into their budget.

They do end up having children, although it's nearly a decade after getting married. Their first is born when they're 31, and their second (a surprise baby) is born three years later. Considering Nancy never really wanted a large family, she's quite happy with what they have (but please no more, she hasn't slept in two years).

The second pregnancy is hard on Robin, and the delivery was very traumatic. She had to stay in the hospital for an extra two weeks after giving birth, and Karen flew over to help Nancy take care of her two grandchildren while Robin was recovering.

Dr. Owens is their 'family physician,' since the government wants to keep an eye on them in case there was any issues considering their exposure to the Upside Down. The oldest kid starts to show signs of telekinetic abilities in her toddler years, and it freaks them out. Luckily, El is able to help teach them how to control it so things don't randomly move or explode.

Robin ends up working as a translator for news agencies, and helps reporters and investigative journalists interview people. This allows her to work when she wants, since she gets to 'pick' when she's available. She usually works with Nancy, and a lot of 'work-trips' they go on end up being mini-vacations as well.

[richmondsims]

With two incomes now, Andrew and Tracy made a trip to the bank. Tracy's parents had never intended to keep the cottage long term, but Tracy and Andrew had come to love it and couldn't imagine living anywhere else. The mortgage application was successful, and they had their own home.

They'd known for a long time that the two bedroom cottage wouldn't be big enough when they grew their family. Tracy's grandfather had investigated adding a hobby room, and although he never got it done the plans had been drawn up and the building consent was still valid.

They had the plans redrawn to make a couple of bedrooms, got eye-watering quotes, and accepted that it would be some years before they could get the work done. But it could be done, and the kids were still young. They had some time. Not much time, but some.

And just like that, suddenly Andrew was turning 30, with a wife, three kids (and a dog) and a mortgage on a house that needed significant work. And he was starting to wonder what the hell he'd done with his life. 

He absolutely didn't regret the marriage and kids, but here he was with a wife who had finished a college degree while pregnant and immediately started making a name for herself in her chosen field... and he was still working retail?

 There was nothing wrong with working at the bookstore in itself, Kyle paid well enough for what it was, and he was a good boss. But there was really no future in it, no way to advance himself. Kyle had two shops, and both had managers who seemed set to stay there. 

Even if there was the chance to take over from one of them, Andrew wasn't sure that was what the wanted. Jobs like that were fine when you're twenty and free. He needed something more.

He needed to go to college. 

No, that would mean they were worse off, not better, at least for the next four years. 

He needed to have gone to college four years ago. Or when he was 20 and had no responsibilities and access to the scholarship available to foster care kids for a couple of years after they finish high school.

Too late. Of course.

He needed a career. 

Now.

He turned on the computer and found a job hunting site. He was smart, and he'd always been lucky, too. How hard could this be?

---

From Andrew

I thought these guys had their lives sorted out, until Andrew turned 30, aged up to Adult and immediately developed my first TS3 mid-life crisis.

Look at the number of days on that! My sim-year is 80 days so he's in for a ten year mid life crisis (my research tells me it's a quarter of whatever your adult lifespan is, my sims age up to Adult at 30 and Elder at 70 so that makes sense). I've no idea where this is going to lead us, beyond the first related want he rolled:

"Midlife Crisis wishes cannot be cancelled".  This is going to be interesting I think...

[likecastle]

Ronance Femslash February - postmarked for January

Thank you again to @marbledswissroll for the prompt “postmarked for january.” I tweaked the wording a little because I couldn’t quite work it in as it was originally phrased, but hopefully it’s close enough!

I’m accepting Ronance prompts all month for Femslash February. I have a few more prompts in my inbox, but I’ve still need a few more to get me through the end of the month, so please send them my way! Anon asks are totally fine, and you’re welcome to send more than one prompt. Don’t be shy! You can find previous prompts I’ve filled here.

Robin is putting up a flyer for the marching band fundraiser when Nancy Wheeler walks into the post office, carrying a manila envelope so carefully it might as well be the Declaration of Independence. For a minute Robin thinks they’re both going to do what they usually do when they cross paths at school, and pretend they didn’t throw a metric ton of fireworks at a monster made of liquefied people last summer, but Nancy meets her eye with a tentative smile, and Robin realizes she must want an audience for this momentous occasion.

“College application?” Robin asks, and this conversation already feels like an uphill battle. She should have just pretended not to see Nancy, or faked amnesia, or something.

“Yeah,” Nancy says, with a little shrug that Robin’s sure is supposed to seem modest, but she can tell Nancy is pleased with herself.

“Got your heart set on someplace special?” she asks, because she knows Nancy wants her to ask.

“Emerson,” Nancy says, with more starry-eyed enthusiasm than she’s ever said her actual boyfriend’s name. “My mom and I did a bunch of campus visits in September, and I just fell in love. I sort of thought I’d go to NYU, maybe Northwestern as a backup, but after I sat in on a class at Emerson, I couldn’t imagine going anywhere else. And hopefully I can get an internship at the Globe, or—” She pauses, looking charmingly chagrinned, though Robin notices that her hands are clenched tight around the corners of the envelope. “Sorry, I’m rambling.” She gives another one of those sweetly self-effacing shrugs. “Are you . . . applying anywhere?”

Robin tries not to read too much into the question, because if she did, she’d have to hear the implication that Nancy isn’t sure if Robin’s cut out for college, despite the fact that they have AP English and French Club and Trig together. Or maybe she just doesn’t think Robin’s family can afford to send her to school—which is a lot closer to the truth. She’ll be holding her breath about scholarships until April. “Just IU,” she says. “But not early decision, so the application doesn’t have to be postmarked til January.”

Nancy’s eyes widen, and if Robin didn’t know better, she’d say Nancy looks worried on her behalf. “You don’t think you should apply to a couple more schools, just in case? Not,” she adds quickly, “that I think you won’t get in, it’s just . . .”

Robin shrugs, trying for a carelessness she doesn’t really feel. “If I don’t get in, I’ll just use the money I’ve been saving for tuition on a trip across Europe. Just, you know, stay in hostels and sleep on people’s couches until my funds run out. I mean, I might do that even if I do get in.”

“Oh,” Nancy says, and her cheeks, Robin thinks, are faintly pink—from shock at Robin’s cavalier attitude, no doubt. She expects to get another little lecture about responsible choices, but what Nancy says is, “That, um . . . sounds nice.”

“Who knows,” Robin adds with a grin, “maybe I’ll bring Steve with me to be my chauffeur. Oh my god, he’d get so pissy about European traffic, don’t you think?”

“Right.” Nancy’s expression is tight, and Robin realizes too late that she’s crossed some line she shouldn’t have. “Well, I should—get this in the mail.” Nancy gestures toward the counter with the envelope, which is significantly bent at the edges now. “I’ll, um—good luck. With your application.”

“You, too,” Robin says, but Nancy is already turning away.

Robin tries to imagine it—Nancy walking with an armful of books across some perfectly-groomed campus green. Robin’s never been to Boston—never been anywhere, really—but she imagines brick buildings covered with ivy, students with sweaters tied over their shoulders talking about spending their summer vacation at Martha’s Vineyard, wherever that is. It doesn’t fill her with jealousy, exactly. It’s not what she wants for herself, but she does envy Nancy that her future seems so clear. She’s a star student applying early decision to the school of her dreams, and Robin wonders what it must feel like to be sure that she’ll get in, that she’ll be able to afford it, that she’ll get everything she wants.

[transinatrade]

The Beginning

It's been about a month.

If you couldn't guess by my URL, I am a trans person (FTM) who is entering the HVAC trade. This is for a few reasons.

As the economic crisis rapidly sends us streaming forward toward poverty, my entry level job was not making us (my partner and I) enough money anymore.

Gifted kid burnout caught up to me a long time ago, and with the affordability of college being completely impossible without loans I would never have a hope of paying back, I turned to trades as an option of higher education without the ridiculous price tag.

I am more of a hands on person. Sitting down at an office desk was never for me, and I'm not sure why I ever thought it would be. I want to get my hands dirty, and have a new adventure every day.

Why HVAC specifically? Good question. I was interested in trades in general, how things work has always fascinated me. HVAC was a matter of elimination. Medical was not for me, blood and high stakes stress me out and the cost of those courses are very high. I've already flunked out of engineering classes in high school so anything related to it was a no go. Welding was another good option, but with loud sounds and bright lights my autism and bad hearing were not going to have a good time. The last two I was considering were HVAC and electrical. Each excellent fields and I had high interest in both, so I applied for EMT which is a combination of both (electrical mechanical technician, not the medical worker).

Now a new issue arose, one I have dealt with my whole life.

I am transgender.

The current trans panic, living in the bible belt, not passing well, and the already intimidating trades were a lot to take in a navigate, but I believe I have been very fortunate.

The first step was shopping around for a school and being very up front with how I identify and the situation. Emailing schools made it easier to imagine the school as an entity rather than a collection of people each with their own political views that make them view me very differently. I was ghosted by a couple schools, I am unsure if this is because of my identity or if they thought I was a spammer, but for my sake I'd like to think it was the ladder.

I managed to get pell grants, a few scholarships, loans that are far smaller than they would be for a four year degree, and finally an approved application.

The first couple of months were intimidating, there is a lot to learn in a small amount of time and a recent head injury was not helping. However, I do not give up easily. I found that passing had never been more important to me than ever, and I'm not entirely sure why. Perhaps the far more masculine men around me make me feel more inadequate. Perhaps the trans panic has indeed instilled a terror in me of being clocked as trans far more than I originally thought. Perhaps it is simply paranoia and the unknown. Whatever the case, I've found myself taking more steps than I usually do to pass, including binding. I never really did befores since having covid binding has restricted my breathing when any strenuous activity is involved, my chest is not large to begin with, and the mentioned current economic crisis has made it impossible to save for top.

There have been a couple instances when I was misidentified as female, thankfully my voice saved me in that regard, but when I am stopped up due to the weather, it is not as convincing.

In one instance the wrong name was called (since I have been unable to change it) so I had to pretend like my name was simply not on the roster until I could correct the person in private, embarrassing everyone involved. My existence is very alien, so there is no system in place to change my name or inform staff other than by email or word of mouth. It is all very overwhelming.

Other than all of these moving parts, day to day has been very smooth. I can update in the future if there are any incidents or new challenges come up. Thank you for reading.

[notfknapplicable]

6627

The meeting with the realtor went...okay???? I mean I have nothing saved up so that's definitely where I need to start, but the amount she mentioned for closing costs is definitely within my means to be able to save before I start looking in earnest. I'm pretty set on using some kind of down payment assistance and luckily there's plenty of programs out there that I qualify for. She also signed me up for automated emails of houses in a certain price range, and I've already seen a couple of houses and a condo that I absolutely adore and would buy if at all possible! Monthly mortgages seem to be averaging about $1400/mo in this lady's mind tho even though every other first-time home buyer program I found advertised mortgages at like $700 and $800. I guess that's the difference between using a regular-degular-schmegular realtor and using a housing program. I have a NACA workshop for first-time home buyers next month, and one of my colleagues purchased her house through that program in 2008. The realtor did shit-talk capitalism for a minute, but also...she'd never heard of NACA, which struck me odd for some reason. I imagine she doesn't want to lose sales to subsidizing programs, but still.

Aaaaaaanyway. I've been emailing the director of the archival studies masters' program I'm interested in and it turns out that they are waiving the application fee for fall applicants, and I can still wait until fall 2024 to start classes. I still haven't heard back from the other program but the deadline for scholarship apps isn't until Nov 1, so I doubt I'll hear anything until January or so.

I'm making a lot of moves right now and it's hard to believe that any of it will work out in my favor, but I'm so used to hearing no. I'm so used to things going terribly. Whatever happens happens. If it all goes to shit then no surprise, huh?

[coffeeheartaddict2]

This life pt 2 Normal is over rated anyways

Book: Open Heart (pre series)

Characters: Ethan Ramsey, Alan Ramsey

(Some high school girl friends mentioned)

Warnings: **** trigger warning: deals with the fallout of abandonment- this will be a blanket warning for the whole series- also mentions of addiction***

Category: Angst

Summary: This chapter focuses on high school Ethan.

Disclaimer: Characters belong to Pixelberry

💔💔💔💔💔💔💔

It has been a couple years now since life for the Ramsey men was thrown into chaos with Louise leaving. Alan was still working hard to keep a roof over their heads and Ethan was a teenager possessed.

Alan in a way was dreading the teenage years. He remembers at times being a horrible person to his parents on occasion but he was greeted by the complete opposite. He did not know whether to be grateful or concerned. Grateful as Ethan had become quite independent and self sufficient, not to mention a great cook, but concerned that circumstances had made him grow up too quickly, robbing him of the remainder of his childhood.

High school came, Ethan worked hard to be at the top of his grade. It was a juggling act. He wanted out of Providence, to go onto college but he also did not want to worry his dad about anything. He joined the Honours Society, Science club and did basketball. Alan was relieved he was doing a team sport. He still had concerns about Ethan as a whole, especially with him being social. Despite being on the basketball team, Ethan more often than not preferred the solitude. Louise had been gone for several years now however he was still seen as different. Sure he was not the only person from a single parent family but he was the only one who still had both parents living but only saw one. His anger never went, if anything it had intensified. He was social when needed but never got too close. His trust in people had been violated, why should people who are not his relations stick around when his mother could not?

Junior year came, Ethan was now old enough to work so this added to his busy schedule. He worked at the local book store. Ethan enjoyed working here and it is where he discovered a book on rare infectious diseases. The author, Dr Naveen Banerji. Ethan was fascinated and learnt more about what medicine could be. He had not decided what he wanted to do at college yet, he knew if he kept up his grades the college world would be his oyster and more importantly away from the misery that he had come to associate with his home town. As junior year went on Ethan surprised himself and found time for a girlfriend. Her name was Jessica. It only lasted. Couple months, a couple months longer than he thought possible, given not only how he felt about himself but also that he made the time for something he thought would be frivolous.

Ethan also started getting to thinking seriously about college. His grades were good which meant he had his pick of colleges, also scholarships also became an option at least for undergrad. Alan was proud of his son wanting to go to college, even if it meant him going away. He always knew that Ethan would go on to do good things with his life.

Finally senior year arrives. The year is a blur for Ethan, work, study, college application essays, SAT’s and the saccharine events that marked the final year of school. The only ceremony that he was looking forward to was the graduation, even though he had to give a speech as Class Valedictorian. But he was guilted into going to prom, Ethan was not seeing anyone, he did not see the point in it yet he was guilted into going. He hated the lead up, the girls going on about their dresses, who they were going with, whether or not they were going to have sex. Ethan did not want a bar of it but only did it to appease Alan who was convinced that he would regret it eventually, especially since he was off to Harvard the following year for Undergrad. Ethan saw no point to this celebration. He was eager to be out of Providence and away from the pain that he associated with it. The new normal that started when Louise left was the beginning of hell and he wanted out, he sure as hell did not want to celebrate. Prom day came and Ethan reluctantly went. He hated it but Alan could not have been prouder. Alan sent photos to his parents as well as Louise’s. Alan still spoke to them and saw them Occasionally but never with Ethan, which saddened everyone. Louise’s parents were at this point still in contact with Louise and they sent her the photo of Ethan.

Meanwhile, in dingy flat in Manchester, New Hampshire, Louise arrived home from the store she worked at and opened a bottle of cheap alcohol. It tasted foul but it was all she could afford. Regret at abandoning her family had set in, she felt trapped so left but instead of being free, she was again trapped, but this time she was trapped in a cycle of low paying jobs, alcohol and prescription medication. She received a call from her mum, she answered. She knew that Ethan would be nearly finished High school by now. She was told that it was prom night and heard all about how handsome Ethan looked. On a base level she was proud of Ethan but the regret again started to eat away at her. After the call she raised her cabinet, took some medication and headed to the local bar to again drown the pain and self loathing that that had become her new normal.

Authors note: This was a hard one to write, don’t get me wrong there was stuff in my head but when you need to unjumble to get something coherent not to mention this been a multi part series. Yes we will still see Louise. I also wanted to glimpse her journey in her life and how she got to what was her rock bottom and reaching out.

Tagging: @jamespotterthefirst @genevievemd @potionsprefect @liaromancewriter @jerzwriter @tessa-liam @a-crepusculo @bex-la-get @crazy-loca-blog @schnitzelbutterfingers @binny1985 @lucy-268

@choicesficwriterscreations @openheartfanfics

[ravendruid]

"what did you pay for those shoes?"

Gotta be about the twins... and those damned boots XD

Thank you so much for the prompt! Since Vax's boots were given to him as a gift in CR, I set this drabble in Be In My Eyes.

"What did you pay for those shoes?"

Vax’ildan rarely spent money on himself, especially on clothes, but every time he walked by the shoe store, the pair of boots at the window always caught his attention. They were just a simple pair of black army-like boots, but they were so much better than the worn-out and holey canvas sneakers he wore. Since he and his sister shared their savings, and she was the one who kept the money on her, Vax usually only had enough to get him through the day on him, so he knew that whatever he had in his pocket was not enough to buy the boots, and would just walk away from the store, dreaming about the day where he would be able to afford them.

During the summer before college, the twins worked hard every day, running errands for whoever needed their services, babysitting on the weekends and weeknights, working overnight at storehouses, and restocking supermarkets until the early hours of the morning. Whatever money they made from those jobs was safely secured with Vex’ahlia, its destination a clear vision in their minds: college fund. They weren’t sure if they would be given a scholarship yet since the results of their applications didn’t come for another couple of weeks, so the twins tried to save all the money they earned to afford their first tuition payment.

When the letter arrived, it felt like a weight had been taken off of their shoulders, and, to celebrate, Vex divided the money into four equal parts: half for now, half for later. With her share of the money, Vex’ahlia bought a new string for her bow and a quiver with new arrows since her old ones were starting to bend and splinter, and spent whatever was left on a spa day for Trinket, who returned home with the softest fur he had ever had and smelling like strawberries. As for Vax, he crossed his fingers as he walked to the store, hoping the boots were still there and wouldn’t be so incredibly expensive that his share would still not be enough to cover them.

“What did you pay for those shoes?” Vex asked her brother when he returned home that day with a smile plastered on his face and a pair of new, shiny boots on his feet.

“Does it matter? I only used my share of the money,” Vax crossed his arms, still smiling at her. 

“They look expensive, that’s all.” Vex shrugged, finishing restringing her bow.

“Don’t worry about it, stubby,” Vax kissed the crown of her head and sat on his bed, admiring his shoes. They had been expensive, more than his share of the summer savings, but Vex’ahlia didn’t have to know that he had been saving part of his daily money all summer, and he had just barely been able to afford them. They were his boots, and he had bought them with his hard-earned money, and Vax had to admit: he was quite proud of himself for it.

[gkbc-is-starting-a-studyblr]

10.4.23

Every day is so busy now that I've had at least 7 tests in the past couple weeks and barely even noticed. I'm pretty much over my cold, and back to working hard.

I put in two scholarship applications last week, one to a school district wide award and one to Coca Cola scholars. Today I've gotten a few people to read over my college essay, ordered my diploma, attended a cap and gown ordering information session (just a 45 minute long advertisement), and attended a college admissions councilor visit.

My recommendations are all requested, transcripts sent, supplemental materials turned in. Now just to finish the Commonapp, keep my grade in physics through the next round of tests, and pull off organizing this last minute GSA Halloween party and October will be done!!

Scholarship app count: 3/20

[mariacallous]

Polarization is widely recognized as one of the most pressing issues now facing the United States. Stories about how the country has fractured along partisan lines, and how the internet and social media exacerbate those cleavages, are frequently in the news. Americans dislike their political adversaries more than they used to. Meanwhile, disinformation and hate speech, often produced by actors with strong incentives to inflame existing social and political divisions, proliferate in digital spaces. The real-world consequences are far from trivial—consider the violence at the Capitol on January 6 or even the more recent assault on Nancy Pelosi’s husband. Although the extent to which political polarization leads individuals to violate democratic norms is a matter of debate, it is hard to imagine an event like the Capitol riot occurring absent such a polarized political climate.

Of particular concern is affective polarization, which refers to the animus individuals feel toward those who disagree with them politically. If the free exchange of ideas between non-likeminded people is a basic tenet of democracy, then affective polarization threatens to undermine democracy itself. In the United States, affective polarization now underlies partisan standoffs over everything from COVID-19 policy to climate change.

For social networks and digital platforms, polarization is both a challenge and opportunity. Social media companies are often blamed for driving greater polarization by virtue of the way they segment political audiences and personalize recommendations in line with their users’ existing beliefs and preferences. Given their scale and reach, however, they are also uniquely positioned to help reduce polarization. Based on our recent review of more than half a century’s worth of research into how best to bridge social divides, there are clear steps digital platforms can take to curb polarization.

What we know about polarization and social media

Recent research suggests that social media can inflame polarization, even if the full relationship between digital platforms and polarized attitudes remains uncertain. Studies have found that polarization varies markedly across different platforms, with the strength of different findings depending on how polarization is measured. The extent to which polarization owes to online echo chambers and filter bubbles is also not well understood, with evidence pointing in countervailing directions.

Yet there is nonetheless a growing body of scholarship that suggests social media applications are indeed fueling polarization, especially in established democracies. For instance, Jamie Settle’s work demonstrates, through a combination of surveys and experiments, that affective polarization is likely to rise when social media users encounter content with partisan cues, even if the content is not explicitly political. A 2020 study by Hunt Allcott and colleagues echoes these concerns. The authors asked some participants to refrain from using Facebook for four weeks. Afterward, these participants reported holding less polarized political views than those who had not been asked to refrain from using Facebook. Deactivating Facebook also made people less hostile toward “the other party,” although that was only the case for those who get news content on Facebook regularly.

What, then, makes social media polarizing? A major problem is that divisive content tends to spread widely and quickly on social media. Posts that express moral outrage or bash one’s outparty, for example, tend to be particularly successful at going viral. This virality is driven by the prioritizations made by social media algorithms coupled with people’s general inclination to favor sensational content. As a consequence, when people log on to social media, they are likely to see content that is divisive and presses their emotional buttons. What’s more, these trends incentivize politicians, news outlets, and would-be influencers to post divisive content because that’s what’s most likely to yield the engagement they crave.

What we know about how to reduce polarization

Our review of the scientific literature on how to bridge societal divides points to two key ideas for how to reduce polarization. First, decades of research show that when people interact with someone from their social “outgroup,” they often come to view that outgroup in a more favorable light. Significantly, individuals do not need to take part in these interactions themselves. Exposure to accounts of outgroup contact in the media, from news articles to online videos, can also have an impact. Both positive intergroup contact and stories about such contact have been shown to dampen prejudice toward various minority groups.

The second key finding of our review concerns how people perceive the problem of polarization. Even as polarization has increased in recent years, survey research has consistently shown that many Americans think the nation is more divided than it truly is. Meanwhile, Democrats and Republicans think they dislike each other more than they actually do. These misconceptions can, ironically, drive the two sides further apart. Any effort to reduce polarization thus also needs to correct perceptions about how bad polarization really is.

For social media platforms, the literature on bridging societal divides has important implications. In addition to implementing sound moderation policies, social media firms should consider the following:

Surface more positive interparty contact

Because negativity and moral outrage foster virality, social media algorithms tend to favor content that is hostile to an out-group. By contrast, positive interparty contact shown in users’ newsfeeds—whether from friends, politicians, or news outlets—might dampen affective polarization. Platforms should thus seek to surface more examples of positive interparty contact between authoritative voices on the left and right.

Prioritize content that’s popular among disparate user groups

One way to identify posts that are seen as interesting without being polarizing would be to prioritize posts that receive lots of positive engagement from actors across the political spectrum. In doing so, platforms could build on initiatives like Birdwatch/Community Notes, which prioritizes notes that are rated “helpful” among users who have disagreed in the past.

Correct misconceptions

As noted above, Americans tend to think the nation is more polarized than it is—a finding that is unsurprising given that negative and extreme voices tend to be amplified on social media. Platforms could instead alert users when they engage with content that overstates the degree of polarization and insert links to more accurate survey results about how polarized the nation truly is.

Design better user interfaces

A platform’s user interface has a material impact on how users interact with each other. Twitter’s “quote retweet” feature, for instance, has been widely used to quickly “dunk” on political opponents rather than engage in meaningful dialogue, which is one reason why Mastodon—the increasingly popular decentralized alternative to Twitter—was explicitly designed not to have the feature. Likewise, Tumblr and other networks have experimented with removing comments to ensure that the platform’s affordances lead to more positive and constructive discourse.

Collaborate with researchers

Several of these suggestions hinge on each platform’s ability to identify certain kinds of content (e.g., depictions of positive intergroup contact) and evaluate the impact of any measures they introduce. Both of those tasks are easier said than done. As a result, social media platforms would benefit from working with third-party researchers currently working on these types of problems. Providing computational and qualitative researchers with more access to platform data could also go a long way to fostering an understanding of how best to reduce polarization and other potential societal harms.

By adopting the approaches above, social media platforms can take a leading role in curbing polarization online. Amplifying divisive content less frequently and offering fewer opportunities to engage with it will disincentivize news outlets, elites, and would-be influencers from producing and publishing divisive content in the first place. Meanwhile, spreading more examples of positive intergroup contact—and highlighting accurate data on polarization—could go a long way toward improving perceptions about how polarized we really are.

Especially in light of legislation like the European Union’s Digital Services Act, which places greater pressure on platforms to accept responsibility for the content on their platforms and how it impacts their users and society at large, adopting novel measures to reduce polarization online will be vital. Fortunately, there are a wide array of scalable ways to curb polarization and strengthen democratic societies. Given how extensively social media platforms have been blamed for causing polarization, they would be wise to avail themselves of the opportunity to reduce divisiveness and strengthen democracy instead.