#o: hayley williams

[jolteonwrites]

𝘐𝘍 𝘛𝘏𝘌 𝘎𝘖𝘖𝘋 𝘋𝘐𝘌 𝘠𝘖𝘜𝘕𝘎, 𝘛𝘏𝘌𝘕 𝘐'𝘔 𝘎𝘖𝘕𝘕𝘈 𝘓𝘐𝘝𝘌 𝘍𝘖𝘙𝘌𝘝𝘌𝘙

It starts in high school.

It usually does. John drinks at parties, tries it all. Beer, cider. Gets bolder, goes for vodka, whiskey, tequila. Some red wine that's somehow worse that all of those combined. He tries his first blunt at fifteen and he's never found sitting in a circle on the floor so funny before.

And that's all it is. He does it with his friends. It's normal. He's experimenting.

Then he goes to college. It's just the thing he's been expected to do. His mom is proud and his dad is pleased. John's just trying to get through it, wade in as deep as he dares to go and hopes the anxiety and wears off eventually. Maybe if he sticks it out long enough, he won't feel lost any more. Lightbulb moment. It doesn't come.

He's a lot more free here than at home. Doesn't have to cover up being wasted when he gets home at 3AM, or lie about a hangover. He can just be. So he drinks more. Every weekend, even. It's part of the college experience. He blacks out more times than he can count across two semesters. It helps him make friends. He doesn't rot in his dorm room if he's got some liquid confidence (he also doesn't make it to most lectures either, but his dad doesn't need to know that). He usually wakes up from it sick to his stomach and filled with dread, eyes heavy as he stares at himself in the mirror. He doesn't feel any less lost. The 'college experience' feels a lot like how John figures it feels to be jilted. Aren't these supposed to be the best years of his life? Why is he in a cold sweat about the future and all the stupid shit he said last night? He grips the sink until it doesn't feel like retribution any more.

I swear I'm not an alcoholic, I'm only nineteen. I've seen alcoholics and they don't look like me.

Being in a band opens a lot of doors, John finds. Behind those doors, there's usually people using drugs of some description.

He's not stupid; he knows the risks. Got all the talks about it at school. It's a shame, really, he thinks. How can something so awful be so wonderful?

He floats above his worries on uppers until his wax wings melt and he goes lower than he's ever been. It's hard to swim back up when he's so deep he can't see the surface. So he tries more, tests more limits, gets a different kind of high. Coke helps the most onstage when he's really worn out (van sleeping with four other boys and however many crew they can fit in the back doesn't make for the healthiest lifestyle).

He ends up digging a grave for some other lost soul this way. He almost climbs into his own in a hotel room in the dead of night a few months later but something stops him. Something like a ghost. He doesn't take any drugs for a while after that.

I swear I'm not an addict, I'm only twenty-three. I've seen addicts and they don't look like me. He's a number of years away from being a college drop-out now (and a disappointment to his dad), touring with his friends. It's a big, fancy bus and not a van and that feels like they've really made it.

He still can't talk to girls that well and still feels like he's making life up as he goes along, but maybe that's okay. He can sit in the feeling of being lost and be at peace with it. He's hurt himself a few times, hurt a few others a lot more. Took another knock every time because he didn't mean to do it and he doesn't know why he can't wise up a little bit.

It's okay though, because he has the best job in the world with his very best friends and that usually makes things feel okay again. He's got a bottle in his hand most nights on stage. Sometimes he loses his balance, just sings on the floor. Nobody says anything about it. Why would they? It's the lifestyle. He's still there, he's not blackout in a green room unable to perform.

The beer helps him sleep, anyway. He has a lot of trouble sleeping on the road. Anywhere that's not home, really. Beer usually knocks him out, as long as he drinks two or more. It's not always the most restful experience but at least he's not lying awake until it's almost time to get up again. Saves time if he drinks onstage for the good part, still has enough buzz to take photos with the kids, and then he can go to bed later with no trouble.

He only stares at his bunk ceiling for a few minutes before he nods off most nights, as long as he's drunk.

I swear I'm not an alcoholic, I'm only twenty-six. I've seen alcoholics, and they don't look like me.

John can't stop hurting everyone he knows.

He can't stop striking the match and letting it fall onto the gasoline; it torches everyone while he watches. It burns him around the edges, but he has to walk away mostly in one piece. Knowing.

When his friends can't keep up, he makes new ones. When the party inevitably ends, he gets an invite to another. He can't and won't sit in the pain if he doesn't have to, and he's not suicidal so it's okay. It's just a good time.

Everyone thinks he's better now so he can make that true, as long as he doesn't think about anything he's ever done. Whenever he hits the bottom, he sees her face. A blur above the surface, someone that he would call. But he doesn't. There's nobody left to call. Who could want this?

He's sick in the mornings and he doesn't dwell on thoughts of her, or he'd start too early in the day. She burns up in his mind. He didn't mean to devastate her life more than a man before him already had. Nineteen's so far away, but he's still looking at a boy in the mirror who doesn't know where to go. His knuckles turn white on the rim of the sink, and he thinks he might smash the glass to pieces if he weren't so scared of blood.

I think I might be an addict and I'm almost thirty-three. I've met so many addicts and they all look like me.

[undeadsouls]

[listography]

FAVORITE FRONTWOMEN IN ROCK, METAL, AND PUNK

[giantsizenerd]

[cmonbartender]

Hayley Williams performing in Paramore (2007)

[paracunt]

Hayley Williams for Dazed Magazine (2023) archive

[reverie-starlight]

has anyone used arctic fox hair dye before ?

[brokenpiecesshine]

Brian O'Connor on Instagram, 05/10/2022.

Dream team for night 1 in Bakersfield 👊

Gave Hayley a quick hair color refresh with @gooddyeyoung Copper DYEposit right before she went on stage!

📸 @laniparrilla

[nonsense000]

THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!!!!!!!!!

[geekpopnews]

Celebridades que são apaixonadas por Animes e Mangás

Confira alguns dos famosos que são apaixonados pela cultura asiática e por anime e mangás, além claro de serem assumidamente otakus.

Todo mundo tem um lado otaku ou apaixonado pela cultura asiática e as celebridades não estão imune a isso. Aqui apresentaremos uma lista com alguns dos famosos que são abertamente otaku. No mundo glamoroso das celebridades, onde holofotes e câmeras capturam cada movimento, é fácil esquecer que por trás das fachadas brilhantes, alguns dos ícones mais renomados do entretenimento escondem uma…

[superlansde]

Karen O is Haley Williams mother confirmed

[martiniblues]

girls like girls, like boys do ; ellie williams

pairing bff!ellie williams x female!reader

synopsis you and ellie have been bestfriends for all of your teenage years. while you bounced around from boy to boy, ellie was left to pine over you alone. little did she know that, all along, the only person you wanted was her.

genre slight violence (blood, fighting, arguments), mentions of weed and alcohol, homophobia both internal and harassment, lots of fluff, loosely based off of the girls like girls music video by hayley kiyoko!

wc 3.9k (i got carried away)

“come on, ellie stop being a hog!” you reached for the glassy object resting between your best friend's legs. her hands wrapped around the base tightly despite her intoxicated state, making your fight even more difficult.

the two of you sat perched on your bathroom counter, your smooth legs lying across ellie’s jean-clad knees. her typical jean and opened short-sleeve button-up combo paled in comparison to your short floral skirt and white top. many couldn’t believe how close you and ellie were. her being known as the “school’s lesbian” and you being known as the "all-star cheerleading captain” didn’t put the two of you in the same crowds at all, but you couldn’t imagine your life without her there to constantly annoy you. as she was doing now.

“i’m not a hog! just don’t want you to get too fucked up.” her head lolled to the side, looking at you through an intoxicated gaze. her freckled cheeks grew flushed under the low lights of the bathroom while her eyes continued to sparkle as they always did, just now tinted red and droopy.

“says the one who can hardly keep her head up.” you argued before finally grasping the colorful bong in between your manicured fingers. to your surprise, ellie didn’t snap back, only igniting her purple lighter and helping you pull.

ellie couldn’t help but eye you as your glossed lips kissed the top, your pretty lashes brushing against the tops of your cheeks as you closed your eyes contently. you could feel her eyes practically burning holes into your head, opening one eye to peek at her as you pulled away to inhale completely.

ellie noticed the smile pulled on your closed lips before she realized you had caught her completely checking you out. “something bothering you, els?” you questioned as you blew the smoke out from between your lips.

she looked away to stare at your patterned shower curtain. the same one the two of you sat against most nights you spent together doing the same things you were doing now.

ellie had liked you for a long time. she couldn’t remember a time when she wasn’t completely enamored by you; whether it was platonic or not, she always loved you. maybe it was the way you two had been spending more time together or the fact you decided to be alone with her than at your party that made her heart lurch in her throat and beg to escape in the form of a confession, but something had shifted.

you two had smoked together plenty of times, but recently her stomach erupted into butterflies at the somewhat “kiss” you two exchanged while sharing joints or passing your bong between the two of you.

you two had changed in front of each other all the time, but recently she couldn’t help but turn and dip her head when she saw you reach for the hem of your blouse to change into your pajamas. even more so when you insisted on wearing one of her lousy band tees instead of your own since hers were “so much more comfy."

“els? what’s up?” your soft hand met the smooth skin of her wrist, breaking her from her daydream. “o-oh… it’s nothing. just dazed out, i guess.” she pulled away to scratch the back of her neck sheepishly, breaking the contact between you two.

you furrowed your brows in confusion. ellie had never been this awkward with you, especially when she’s high. sure, she wasn’t the most poetic with her words, but you never felt awkward with her. ever.

you observed her as her eyes scattered across your bathroom, beginning to grow embarrassed and worried about what was going on in her mind that you couldn’t quite seem to read at the moment.

you had never cared how ellie perceived you, knowing she liked you no matter what. recently, though, you cared a lot about how ellie saw you. when you’d get ready, you'd think about what ellie liked. remembering she always complimented when you wore skirts, those are what you reached for that week and tonight. you wanted her to think of you as you did of her.

you couldn’t help the uproar of thoughts that spun around your head like a curse, screaming to be spoken. “you wanna go back out there? dina should be here by now, and we should greet her.” you hopped off the counter, turning to face ellie, who still sat in place.

she finally averted her gaze to you at the sound of your voice, her eyes visibly softening as they connected with yours. “you… you look really pretty tonight.” she stuttered slightly, trying her best not to break eye contact. it was always so hard for her to look at you without melting into a puddle beneath her feet.

you blushed, instantly taken aback by her words. you leaned forward, placing both hands on the granite countertop beside ellie’s leg. “you look really pretty too, els.” you looked up at her slightly, the counter having given her height she didn’t have when she stood next to you.

you don’t know if it was all your feelings towards ellie or the weed in your system that led you to be so bold in the moment, but she just made it so hard.

you had many boyfriends in the past. all of them falling lower and lower onto your “tier of dickheads” (ellie’s nickname for every one that broke your heart) as they came and went.

you had grown up with the idea that you had to date boys. it’s all you saw, and it’s all you've ever known. you knew gay people existed, but you never mentioned them as much as you knew the consequences. many people in your town grew up the same way as you did, believing being straight was “normal” or even “acceptable” for someone to be.

you knew you should have liked it when your boyfriend kissed you, but you just couldn’t. kissing and touching just seemed to be a requirement in the realm of dating. sure, some of them were nice, but you liked to just be able to hang out without their tongue shoved down your throat just because you were their girlfriend.

when you met ellie and found out she was gay, your view of her didn’t change; she was still ellie. most people stuck up their noses at you or called you “crazy” but you wouldn’t trade their fake tans and cheep perfume for ellie any day.

to your own defense, it wasn’t ellie who made you realize you liked girls. you had always found girls pretty—prettier than your friends ever expressed. you always found yourself staring at the victoria secret ads in the mall for far too long just because they were "pretty".

even if ellie wasn’t the girl who made you realize you liked girls, she was definitely the girl you liked.

“i see her as more than a friend,” you continued to tell yourself as you began to doubt yourself in the late hours of the night. the internalized homophobia ate you alive at any chance you get to have alone, but in this moment with her in the bathroom, all the doubts faded into knowing. you knew how you felt.

you don’t know how long you and ellie stared at each other or when the two of you began to slowly lean in, but a loud bang on the door interrupted the peaceful moment.

“dude, hurry up! this bitch is about to puke!” you shoved your bong into the cabinet beneath the sink before opening the door to reveal two of your classmates clearly drunk beyond repair.

“oh my god, okay, okay!” you yelled at the barely recognizable faces as you reached behind yourself to grab ellie’s hand and pull her out of the bathroom and into the hallway.

ellie held onto your hand tightly as you weaved between sweaty bodies and crowded groups amongst your home. thankfully, everyone was too drunk or high to even notice you and ellie holding hands and walking so closely.

you felt a tug on your wrist as you rounded an empty corner nestled between your kitchen and the front door. you turned to see ellie smiling at you softly. “where are we going?” she asked as you dropped her hand. a faint pout appeared on her lips.

“honestly,” you began as you leaned against the wall to stare ahead at her. “i have no idea. i just wanted to get away from that bathroom before i got puke on my skirt.” you huffed, annoyed that you and ellie’s quiet moment had to be interrupted by someone who couldn’t handle their drinks.

ellie laughed at your words, turning her body so she leaned next to you against the wall. “of course your only concern is if your clothes get dirty.” she laughed, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor.

you looked down at her with fake shock. ellie always liked to pick at your very feminine actions. curling your hair, doing your makeup, tying bows in your hair—she liked to tease you for these things even if she watched in complete awe as you did them.

“you know i don’t mean it; c'mere, i'm all alone down here.” her cold hand wrapped around the skin of your calf, urging you to sit next to her. you had to swallow the scream, which threatened to spill from her hand practically burning into your soul.

you sat down, knees bumping softly, to end up resting against another. maybe it was the weed in your system, but every sense was enhanced by a thousand. the rough fabric of her jeans against your exposed skin made your body ignite with goosebumps. her toned arm brushing against yours made your chest light on fire.

“how would you feel if someone puked on your clothes?” you argued in an attempt to cool yourself down. anything to distract yourself from the overwhelming feelings churning in your stomach.

“this isn’t about me, princess.” she nudged you with her shoulder, making your body fall over slightly. you sat up and pushed her roughly, but her body hardly budged, causing a smirk to appear on her lips once again.

“you’re such a dick,” you scoffed, turning your back towards her as if you’re a toddler getting denied a toy from the store. ellie laughed at your childish antics, reaching out to grab your shoulder and make you turn around, but you just shrugged her off.

“i’m sorry, i’m sorry. please forgive me.” she begged, moving closer to try and face you again. even if you were pretending, ellie hated when you were mad at her (fake or not) more than anything.

you could see her auburn hair from the corner of your eye, causing you to turn your head slightly to side-eye her. "mhmm," you hummed before looking away again.

without another word, ellie grabbed your shoulder tightly and pulled herself away, so she now sat beside you. leaving you nowhere else to look but at her, which, evidently, was more than a difficult task.

“are you really upset with me?” even with the low lighting, you could still see the genuine concern in her eyes. you were shocked by her, only able to shake your head “no” with a small smile creeping onto your lips.

strands of her short hair hung perfectly messy in her face as they fell from her small knot on the back of her head. her lips looked softer than any sweater blanket that ever touched your body, and her hand on your shoulder felt warmer than the most perfect summer day.

you couldn’t take it anymore. you didn’t want to just look at her and imagine doing all the things you wanted to anymore. you needed them to happen before you exploded into nothing but ellie-shaped confetti.

“ellie-“

“y/n-“

you both flushed at the silliness of it all. here, the two of you sat completely infatuated with each other, cheeks pink and eyes in the shape of hearts, but still doubted if the other felt the same.

“can i kiss you?” ellie asked smoothly, catching you off guard at how easily it fell from her lips. ellie instantly panicked at the shocked expression on your face. she immediately scooted away and began apologizing. “i’m sorry… i-i don’t even know why i asked.”

“ellie,” you tried to calm her down as she began frantically searching for a way to ease the situation. you couldn’t watch her make a mess of herself over something you wanted her so badly to do.

“ellie.” you reached out and grabbed her face softly with one hand while the other came to rest on her knee. her face fell from concern to an unreadable expression. a mix between content and confusion.

you leaned in slowly, watching as her eyes quickly looked all over your face, trying to understand if this was real life or just a figment of her intoxicated imagination.

your nose bumped against hers, making you look into her eyes. “can i kiss you?” you exhaled, anxiously awaiting her reply. “please…” she breathed before you placed your lips softly against hers.

there was hardly any movement aside from both of your chests expanding and shrinking from letting go of held breaths and breathing in bigger and better ones as your lips connected. it was soft and short, ending before either of you could make another move.

“i really like you, ellie,” you confessed as your lips parted with a soft smack. “i’ve never liked someone like this before.” you continued, searching her eyes for a reply that she failed to give.

it’s like a switch flipped at your words. ellie reached up to hold the back of your head with her free hand, letting out a quick “thank god” before smashing her lips against yours.

this time, the kiss was heavy and felt less like a trial and more like a confession. her lips moved eagerly against yours, but they were not messy in the slightest. your hand pushed further up her cheek, leaving your thumb to brush against the freckles that littered her skin as the rest of your fingers knotted into her soft strands.

her hand, which lay beneath yours, maneuvered so that your fingers were interlocked tightly, squeezing ever so slightly to try and add emphasis to her feelings towards you.

you squeezed back, making her smile against your lips before tilting her head to kiss you deeper than before.

“what the fuck?” a deep voice pulled you and ellie apart quickly, making you stand up and face the group of people who now looked at you and ellie with mixed faces. most were shocked, while others held a look of disgust, especially the one in the front, which belonged to none other than your most recent ex-boyfriend.

“oh, so we broke up, and now you’re gay?” he gestures his arm out to ellie, who now stands behind you. more people flocked towards the commotion, making you and ellie the center of attention.

“that’s not…” you tried to argue, but you couldn’t think of something to say that could ease the situation. “what? no wonder you were always such a tease,” he began, walking and stalking towards you. his face grew increasingly red with anger.

“always leading me on and leaving me to fix my shit myself because you wanted to get with a homo? you wanna fuck her like a fucking fa-“ his words were cut off as ellie swung at his chiseled face, making you jump and cover your mouth to avoid screaming.

he stumbled at ellie’s force and grabbed his cheek, which began to turn pink with irritation from ellie’s blow. “oh wow, now you have your little girlfriend to defend you.” he laughed darkly as he looked between you and ellie with pure venom in his gaze.

before ellie or you could form a rebuttal, he swung at her face, resulting in an eruption of “oohs” from the crowd of people observing all around.

“ellie!” you screamed, attempting to help her as an arm wrapped around your shoulders, restricting you. your head turned to reveal dina behind you, preventing your attempted move.

“what are you doing?” you yelled at her as your ex and ellie began hitting each other over and over.

“don’t, just don’t. let’s get out of here.” she spoke into your ear as you watched and pulled on her arms, which held you firmly.

“ellie stop! please stop! someone make it stop!” you continued to scream as you watched the fight increase in severity as the seconds went by.

you didn’t want to watch, but you couldn’t look away. with every swing he made, ellie made three, which filled you with some sort of relief before he did just as many hits back.

you clawed at dina’s arms, not caring if you hurt her, as you watched ellie get hurt by someone you claimed to even like. it made you want to puke.

“you think you can take her from me?” your ex growled as he swung at ellie, which she thankfully dodged. she laughed, wiping her bloodied knuckles on her white undershirt. “didn’t have to take what was already mine.” she sneered back, punching him once more directly in the nose.

you couldn’t help but gasp at her words. if it were any other situation, you would feel flattered, but in the moment, all you felt was fear. that had to have struck a nerve.

“you think you’re so funny, huh?” he muttered as blood trickled from his nose and into his mouth, painting his teeth red. “i mean, she sure thinks so.” ellie tried to bite back the nasty comment, but she was so completely enraged that he could even think to speak of you the way he did.

more shouts and whistles erupted from the crowd, ultimately showing their approval of ellie’s comment, even if they didn’t side with her entirely or even at all.

this just fueled his anger more, making him push ellie to the floor and punch her with much more force than he originally had. the sight made you grow silent in fear. you wanted to scream, but the pure shock in your veins rendered you mute.

your fight against dina’s arms only grew as you watched ellie face and body get repeatedly hit. “stop, please fucking stop.” you finally yelled as more and more people cheered and hollered without a care.

with one last tug, you finally freed yourself from dina’s grip and lurched towards the boy who continued to swing on ellie. you were never one with muscles, but some sort of strength took over you as you pulled his body off of ellie and into the wall.

you hit his stupid face over and over, so consumed with anger that you failed to notice dina rush to ellie’s side and pull her up. you couldn’t focus on anything but hurting this boy just as much as he had hurt you, and that included ellie.

you didn’t know how many hits you got or when the crowd began to disperse, but a firm grip on your waist removed you from the boy and planted you on the ground.

“come on, man, let’s get out of here!” a deep voice rang in your head, along with many other loud voices chanting to leave. your vision was blurry with tears, unable to make out any sort of movement, and all you could hear was a dull ring muffling the multitude of shouting voices.

all you felt were the cool tiles on the kitchen floor beneath your thighs and the hard wall behind your head before you felt a familiar hand grab your face.

“y/n are you okay? god, please tell me you’re okay.” ellie’s voice fell into your ears clearly, her soft thumb coming up to wipe the tears that began to spill from your eyes. you couldn’t form any words; you just reached out to grab her as tightly as you could.

feeling her skin on yours felt like a breath of fresh air, drowning out all your doubts knowing she was here and with you.

“i’m so sorry. i’m so fucking sorry.” you cried into her shirt, bunching some of her flannel into your bloody fist as you clawed at her back while you sobbed. “it’s not your fault.” ellie pulled your face back to look at you.

with your eyes finally coming into focus, you took in the multiple cuts and bruises scattered across her pretty face. her lip had a large gash on the side, along with her temple and cheek.

“don’t worry, he looks a whole lot worse.” she joked, trying to ease your visible worry. you laughed at her ability to joke at a time like this.

she wasn’t far off when she said you thought she was funny…

you grazed her wounds softly, not wanting to hurt her even more than she already was. "well, that’s good. i’d have to chase after him again if he weren’t,” you teased, your hand coming down to interlock with hers, which rested on your thigh.

you sat in silence, not knowing what to say. your house sounded a lot quieter; the only sound were voices coming in from outside and the humming of cars driving off.

“didn’t know you had that strength in you, pretty girl. where was all that when we were helping joel move boxes huh?” ellie joked yet again, making you roll your eyes.

“shut up.” you groaned before kissing her, doing your best to not hurt the cut on her lip. she kissed you back as if the cut were nonexistent, grabbing your waist under your battered shirt to pull you closer to her.

your knees came to rest on either side of one of her legs, letting yourself hover above her as you disconnected your lips from hers. this time, she just looked at you, waiting for you to speak.

“so… should we make his words come true?” you questioned her, toying with one of the buttons on her shirt. ellie looked at you quizzically, unsure of what you were implying.

you just grabbed her face for what felt like the thousandth time and kissed her quickly. “you’re so fucking cute.” you giggled at her, still confused. she grabbed your wrist, “trying” to pull your hands off her face.

“do you want to be my girlfriend?” you asked, ridded of any anxieties or doubts. she instantly erupted into giggles, pulling you into her and hugging you as tight as she could without bothering her hurt side.

“to think i had this whole plan to ask you out, and here you are asking me if i want to be your girlfriend after i just fought for your love.” ellie joked, rubbing your sides firmly as you pulled away and looked at her with nothing but shock.

“a plan? now you have to tell me, els.” you tilted your head to peer at her through squinted lids. she just shook her head and grazed one of her hands up your back to rest behind your head and rake through your hair.

“maybe tomorrow..." she drawled before connecting your lips once again, a content sigh leaving both of your lips in satisfaction.

“yeah, the explanation can wait.” you breathed, locking your lips with hers again.

notes first ellie and tlou fic AHHHH!!! i’ve wanted to write some ellie works for a long time but just haven’t had any inspo until recent hehe so here that. sorry it’s so long and not my best work, i just love this song w her and my ellie obsession has hit an all time High recently lol. anyway i hope you enjoyed!!<33

[souryogurt64]

you probably explain this before but what is this bad emo book and why is it bad?

It's the one that came out last summer, I don't like it because it does a lot of misleading things on purpose to like craft a narrative that is often not true and is also just like full of bad opinions

Here are some examples off the top of my head-- didn't double check but pretty sure these are all right

Quotes someone saying that Brand New never got credit for inspiring other bands to write rock operas and then almost immediately cuts to the recording of The Black Parade. Obviously, the implication here is that Brand New inspired The Black Parade. In reality, TBP came out before Brand New's album and Green Day's American Idiot came out before both.

Quotes someone who says they never liked Panic! and has never been personally involved in any capacity with Panic! as saying "Ryan left the band." Ryan and Jon were very adamant this was not the case. I do think this was a very important person to interview, but this person should not have been the one to explain the split.

The producer for Fever claims that the Plain White T's quit the Panic! tour on a specific date and its implied that this was a factor in why Ryan "left Panic." In reality, I found several sources all saying The Plain White T's performed with Panic long after this date. TBH, I doubt this happened, let alone influenced the split.

Quotes HIMSELF saying FOB and MCR went on hiatus "at about the same time" when in reality they went on hiatus 4 years apart. When you think about how short-lived emo as a genre was, 4 years is huge. This is so lazy and is probably just because he thinks Danger Days is not worth talking about because he has the same basic opinions every other man on reddit has

There's like a ton of irrelevant losers whining about Hayley Williams like she's a misandrist dictator that doesn't pay her male employees fairly. Brendon is not talked about like this AT ALL-- Hayley has "sideshows" and drama because she's a catty woman, but with Brendon it just kind of happens, oops! ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

IIRC there is little to no discussion of the political/religious elements of the Paramore split and Taylor York is not mentioned at all. It is made out to be entirely about royalties and the misandrist wage gap. No one from Paramore was actually interviewed, they used quotes from a Paramore interview done by a woman and obtained permission from Vox media company, NOT the actual author. The fact that this was done is not clearly stated and is slipped into the copyright at the back.

This is like a whole side quest I don't want to get into because I had to attempt to decode what happened via LiveJournal comments which isn't the best source. But like this guy interviewed in the book who whines about Hayley's royalties like interviewed Paramore on tv. Apparently allegedly during the interview the homophobic one accused her of sleeping with Taylor York and it not being Christian or something among other things, and also he wrote this really unnecessary article about an AbsolutePunk thread where guys were talking about whether they'd fuck her or not. I think this explains a lot about how the entire Paramore conversation in the book is just a bunch of random incels whining about something that has nothing to do with them

Quotes HIMSELF saying the "Farro brothers finally left the band." At the time of the article he quotes himself on, one of the Farro brothers was already back in the band and is still in the band. But that cuts against his cute little story about Hayley being a bitch everyone hates, so he had to quote his own lie I guess. Enough about Paramore

When white band dudes like Ryan and Spencer's addictions are discussed, it is always framed in polite euphemisms. When Black musicians like Travie are mentioned in the book, it starts bringing out scary scientific drug names. Not cool.

Has this random nobody who is way too young to be an authority on this say that Pete's hardcore band was one of the first bands to address women's issues. This is absolutely ridiculous and a flat out lie. Almost a decade before this band even formed, Riot Grrrl started as a specific reaction to women's issues in hardcore. A lot of the hardcore bands Pete was playing with were explicitly and adamantly pro-life. The idea that Pete Wentz pioneered feminism in music is completely fucking ludicrous, I hate it so much.

Quotes someone who plays in a band that has written multiple songs mocking feminism and discussions of sexual assault and rape culture as saying there was no sexual assault on Warped Tour. This one in particular makes me homicidal

Somehow can't muster up a woman to ask about sexual assault in the scene, but suddenly pulls out all these random women nobody's heard of to say they know for a fact all these band dudes are straight

As a note to the above, I understand sexuality is very personal and a lot of these band dudes are straight. But that section was so mean spirited and weird and unnecessary and there were better ways to handle it, like having GNC or gay fans talk about how it meant a lot these straight guys supported gay rights early on, or how the gender nonconformity from straight guys in emo made them comfortable, or how Gerard/Brendon being out as NB/pan made them feel represented. Instead it's just weird and uncomfortable to have these random women say "I never saw anybody do anything gay!!!!"

Quotes this random journalist as basically saying Pete refused to admit if he attempted suicide or not and spun it up to get attention. This same journalist also claims to be know FOB and MCR personally and know they have beef. IDK maybe they are friends but I feel like someone legit friends with Pete would not say something so insensitive to not only him, but people who OD or struggle with suicidal ideation in general.

The lack of meaningful discussion about Brand New-- not only disrespecting the women Lacey hurt by not addressing the allegations at all, but also disrespecting Jesse Lacey himself by talking about his band basically like he wasn't in it. The name "Jesse Lacey" is only used six times. It's like he wanted to get paid fanboy about Brand New so badly he didn't care about anybody but me, me, me.

Stuff like this goes on and on and on but you get the point.

Also I want to say that I felt constantly confused on what was going on and what the fuck people were even talking about and I am very familiar with all this band lore. I've read other oral histories for bands I knew nothing about and didn't feel confused at all. This one is just badly done.

He is a bad writer. He is obsessed with quoting himself when his articles aren't well-written, and he, like most people in the book, is a nobody.

The introduction in particular is badly written. It is very obvious he felt guilty about the way he covered Brand New and sexual assault in the scene and was scared someone was going to call his bullshit. So he wrote this weird mea culpa to feminists at the front like Please Forgive Me For Loving Tortured Artist Jesse Lacey but he couldn't put it at the very front because it would be too obvious, so he wrote this weird intro where he tries to connect Paramore/MCR/FOB/Panic/Warped/VMAs in a way that is very weird and illogical and falls flat because there is no real emotion or sense behind it and it only serves as a vehicle for his Mea Culpa To Feminists. It's so weird and awkward and Paramore are, again, a complete afterthought in it. He also makes a kind of gross comment about Hayley's voice just magically affecting people's bodies after he goes on and on about how these MEN suffered and worked hard for their music. Because, y'know, she didn't.

There is no transition into the weird apology either, it is so awkward and out of nowhere after this bizarre and shitty intro.

ALSO SORRY JUST THOUGHT OF THIS there is zero discussion or acknowledgement of Gerard's gender identity in this AT ALL. I would need to go through the book but I'm pretty sure only he/him pronouns are used as well. No wonder 3/4ths of MCR were not willing to be interviewed by this chump

Last comment but in that introduction he tries to make it out like he cares about women's issues and thinks what Lacey did was wrong but the people he is quoting from on sexual assault absolutely screams otherwise. He is a sniveling coward.

TLDR if I wanted to read nobodies whine about their bad and wrong opinions on emo music I would go on Reddit . Which is fitting because he QUOTED A REDDIT MODERATOR

[listography]

GREATEST WOMEN IN ALTERNATIVE OF THE 2000s

1. Björk

2. Amy Winehouse

3. Karen O (Yeah Yeah Yeahs)

4. M.I.A.

5. Hayley Williams (Paramore)

6. Amy Lee (Evanescence)

7. Karin Dreijer (The Knife/Fever Ray)

8. Santigold

9. Alison Goldfrapp (Goldfrapp)

10. Leslie Feist (Feist)

[milligramspoison]

So now the portion of the tour for 2022 is over, l'd like to share my (and fan!) favorite (and iconic) moments from it :)

Sorry in advance for the long ass post :P

Europe:

Live debut of Foundations (Eden night 1)

Disappear for the first time since 2010!

Live debut of Surrender the Night <3 (my first MCR song ever so I FLIPPED when this happened)

Live debut of Boy Division!

Gerard crawling on the floor

Frank moaning in Destroya for the first time in years

FINALLY being able to hear Mikey's line in Vampire $$$

Cemetery Drive for the first time since 2012 (Eden night 2)

Only Hope for Me for the first time since 2012

Tour debut of House of Wolves

Ghost of You for the first time since 2011

Tour debut of S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W

Headfirst for Halos for the first time since 2009

Live debut of Mastas

The first two shows having Gerard in normal dad clothes then the third show has the bloody mess we all know as Meta Man (MK night 1)

Deathwish for the first time since 2007

Saying moan instead of actually moaning during Destroya

Bulletproof Heart for the time since 2011 <3 (MK night 2)

Ray and Gerard kissing after Destroya

“How'd you get that off my closet door”

Rat attack documentary played before the show (MK night 3)

Mikey dedicating Helena to Rowan and Kennedy <3

Cancer for the first time since 2012

Rowan dancing on stage before MCR goes on with the crowd cheering for her <3

Piss and vinegar

Tomorrow’s Money live debut (Dublin night 1)

The “fuck the queen” chant

Frank's moans during Destroya

Frank telling a fan to listen to Gerard

Frank picking up a (fake) rat

Piss on stairs (Dublin night 2)

“These are my best friends”

Fuck the queen chant round 2

Ponytail Ray

The birthday balloons for Bandit's 13th birthday (Warrington)

Gerard dedicating Teenagers to Bandit for her 13th birthday

“My little bee keeper”

Gerard cardboard cut out

Save Yourself for the first time since 2011 (Cardiff)

“I'm just giving myself an ass pat, sorry”

Frank attempting to toss a hat onto his head

Oil Gerard (Glasgow)

Na Na Na being dedicated to Grant Morrison

Sleep being dedicated to Kristan Morrison

“It's time to drink my piss”

Grant getting the drum head from the Glasgow show

Frank completely shredding it

Mikey Mouse shirt (Paris)

MERCI POUR LE VENIN

Gerard taking a leap of faith

Joke about drinking Frank’s piss

Video of the band making pancakes (Rotterdam)

Ray playing guitar with his wine glass

Fans recreating this

Mikey wearing a happy birthday Kennedy shirt for Kennedy's 3rd birthday <3 (Bologna)

The crowd singing happy birthday to Kennedy for her 3rd birthday <3

Gerard stating that they hope it won’t be a long time before they come back :)

SHORTS GATE (Munich)

Discussion of Twilight

The Da Vinki twins went to the show in Budapest

Slow clap moment

“How many of you are MCR Veterans..Trademark”

Na Na Na played a second time in Warsaw but faster

Engagement during Teenagers!!

Gerard taking down Stuart

Heaven Help Us played for the first time since 2008 (Prague)

Another mention of wanting to return

Clown Gerard (Berlin)

Story time about playing in Berlin for the first time

Hearing Frank laugh when he’s nowhere near the mic

“THEY ARE GONNA HAVE TO BURY ME IN THIS MOTHERFUCKING FILTHY CLOWN SUIT! I AM NEVER TAKING THIS OFF”

The interesting drum

Poncho Gerard (Stockholm)

“I went a little hard the other night with filth clown”

Pointing a rainbow out to Gerard

Mikey’s crooked heart <3

Pink shirt Gerard (two nights in a row in Bonn)

Admitting to googling their own lyrics (Bonn night 1)

Ray's hair being half up half down

Coughing during Destroya instead of moaning

Gerard talking about Hayley Williams

Frank watching Gerard perform Cancer (Bonn night 2)

Llama on stage (a toy but a real one would’ve been cool too)

Closing off the European portion of the tour with Cancer </3

North America:

Clown Gerard 2.0 (Oklahoma City)

Gerard laughing with sparkling water in their mouth

BURY ME IN BLACK FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2003

BEST DAY EVER FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2005

Sleep with an alternate outro

The shirt incident

“Lighten the fuck up, buttercup!”

Ray breaking his wine glass against his guitar

HANG ‘EM HIGH FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2011 (San Antonio)

Sleep with an alternate intro and different outro

Second unintentional Frerard moment

Besties moment from Ray and Mikey <3

Iero on the floor

Debut of the Sunshine intro leading into Sorrows

CHEERLEADER GERARD CHEERLEADERGATE (Nashville)

Summertime being dedicated to Kristin, Rowan, and Kennedy <3

Kristin livestreaming the show!!

Everyone (except Gerard) wearing Mikey Fuckin Way shirts!

The World Is Ugly for the first time since 2008; live debut of the studio version

Gerard almost drinking their microphone

Gerard twirling around and Ray cheering <3

Rowan and Kennedy’s drawings make their debut <3

Mikey doing a livestream prior to the show!!

Gerard singing on the floor (Cincinnati)

Frank stealing Mikey’s line in Vampire Money

SHORTS GATE 2.0 (Raleigh)

Gerard's story time about Bandit trying to make advil m&ms

Everybody Hates The Eagles live debut (kinda)

LIVE DEBUT OF BURN BRIGHT

Gerard in a bloody eyepatch

Gerard shushing the crowd (jokingly) so they can take advil

Sleep with an extended outro (Elmont)

Shorts for the second night in a row

Everybody Hates The Eagles for the second night in a row

Weird ass mask debut

Two fans wearing Petekey shirts

And someone else had the Petekey arm notes written on them

Anddddd two other people had matching Frerard shirts

Shorts for the third night in a row (Philadelphia)

Vampires for the first time since 2012!!

Pool Boy at the Vampire Mansion <3

Gerard calling Mikey Lil Mikey

Debut of the mystery shirts

Sunshine intro leading into FLW (Albany)

Shorts for the fourth night in a row

Mikey watching Waterparks perform

Priest/bloody eyes Gerard (Uncasville)

Eagles returns to the setlist

Ray and Mikey brushing their teeth before the show

Sunshine intro but with S/C/A/R/E/C/R/O/W

Skeleton Gerard (Toronto night 1)

CAUSE IM HER KIND OF GIRL AND SHES MY KIND OF BOY

Mikey wearing the happy birthday Goose shirt (Goose is what he calls his mother in law)

CAT GERARD (Toronto night 2)

Frank attempting to kick Mikey (jokingly)

Black Swan Gerard (Boston night 1)

Wholesome picture of Ray and Christa <3

Ray and Gerard colliding then hugging

Best Day Ever being dedicated to Thursday (Boston night 2)

Mikey blowing a kiss to Kristin <3

Frank wearing a headpiece

Ray rocking out with his sons <3

Crowd singing happy birthday to Mikey!! (NYC night 1)

Mikey dedicating Helena to Rowan and Kennedy again <3

Everyone except Gerard wearing Mikey Fuckin Way shirts for Mikey's birthday!

Drum is a Mikey shrine for Mikey's birthday

“How ‘bout you birthday boy?”

Fans wearing party hats for Mikey’s birthday

Gerard wearing the outfit he wore when he witnessed 9/11 (just a special moment honestly; NYC night 2)

DESERT SONG FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2008

Lily pointing Mikey out to Rowan <3

Frank crossing himself during Sorrows

Bathroom photoshoot

Gerard’s story time about running into one of the openers while with Bandit

Frank posting a picture of his ass and getting a ass tattoo (Detroit)

NURSE GERARD

Hey Chris in Detroit

“Lucky for him…I had other plans.”

Crossing out Cancer for Helena (not a favorite or iconic, just offensive lol this is a joke dw)

Hawaiian shirt Way Brothers (St. Paul)

Teenagers being dedicated to Gerard's mailman

Bullet hole makeup

Jackie O Gerard at Riot Fest

Wholesome Jamia moment from the LS Dunes set <3

Wholesome family moment from Frank during Weezer's set <3

Hey Chris at Riot Fest

Frank wearing a bandana around his neck

Frank facetiming his dad just before his set with LS Dunes <3

Mikey watching TBS (Taking Back Sunday) perform

CROP TOP GERARD (Alpharetta)

Teenagers was dedicated to the band's crew

MIKEY WORE EYELINER

First of the hometown shows and Gerard performed with Thursday!! (NJ night 1)

BAT GERARD

I NEVER TOLD YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2008

Best Day Ever with Geoff of Thursday

DEMOLITION LOVERS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2004

Frank Sinatra Gerard (NJ night 2)

PLANETARY GO FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2012

Teenagers was dedicated to Midtown

Cover of Frank Sinatra's My Way

Cherry taking a pic/recording Mikey :)

Miles getting excited when Frank said “trust me” <3

Gerard performing with Thursday

Gabe being one of the reasons why FOB8 is Pete’s villain origin story (iykyk)

BLOUSE GERARD!! (Firefly)

The entire band signs a mannequin leg

“You'll get this at the end of class”

Ghost Gerard!! (Sunrise)

Gerard took the trans flag during WTTBP <3

Frank going out on stage with HGP

Mikey going out on stage with Midtown

Gerard being unable to pronounce Florida

Ended off the east coast portion of the tour with Cancer </3

Dress in Houston!!

“I thought about wearing a dress in Texas before...but that's a story for another time”

Ray posting a peanut with a penis after the show

Mikey going out on stage with Midtown (again)

The return of dad clothes in Dallas

Teenagers was dedicated to the opening acts

“Get fucked at an airport bar”

Mikey wearing a Midtown shirt

Dad clothes again in Denver

Frank interacting with his kiddos <3

Teenagers was dedicated to Sydney

Adam of Taking Back Sunday said opening for MCR was the only way to get Mikey to return his calls

Ray moaning during Planetary Go

“Just sit back, daddy’s gonna take you where you need to go” Adam Lazzara, 2022 (Portland)

Gerard dedicating Teenagers to Taking Back Sunday

Gerard grabbing their phone to look at something

Tomato soup…hm

“Your turn!”

Meta Man cardboard cut out (Tacoma)

Sign for Gerard’s two cats, Mitch and Lotion

Frank going on stage with Kimya

Meredith and Andy went to the show!!!

“Cause if you think Mikey fuckin Way is coming out here to a cold audience, you’re mistaken”

VACUUM GUY AT THE VAMPIRE MANSION

RAY IN A PONYTAIL AGAIN

Teenagers was dedicated to Panda (Kimya’s daughter)

Gerard simping for Robert Pattinson in Batman

Gerard wearing a Twilight shirt

One of Frank’s kiddos giving a fan a paper set list

Smiley face drumhead! (Oakland)

Cum sign

Idk why someone did this but yeah

“Ray and I’s home state. We’ve lived here for...14 years?”

“I see a lot more flesh than usual. It’s fleshy out there”

Mikey and Frank almost bumping into each other before Skylines

Gerard chasing the tech off stage

Singing happy birthday to Worm

Mikey petting Worm’s beard

Gerard in an all black outfit with a rose (Vegas)

Ray rocking out with his sons <3

Ray patting his son’s head <3

Gerard dedicating Teenagers to Bandit again <3

KRISTIN WENT LIVE AGAIN

The drum was for Bandit <3

Engagement during Helena!!

Mikey having a random book signing (Aftershock)

Crowd surfing a…a sex doll during the LS Dunes set

Frank attempting to do a bottle flip at the end of the LS Dunes set

Ray, Jamia, and Frank’s kiddos watching Frank from side stage <3

Gerard’s shirt saying scabs

Gerard gagging on the microphone

The drum saying choke me which goes perfectly with the point above

A deer running around during WTTBP

THEY SOUNDCHECKED DESOLATION ROW (LA night 1)

GERARD WITH A FLAMETHROWER

CHEERLEADER DRESS IS BACK

“This song is about my favorite fucking human” spotlight proceeds to go onto Frank

Gerard got a haircut

THE SHOW WAS FILMED

Teenagers being dedicated to Quentin Tarantino

DESOLATION ROW FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2011

Mikey with his family during I’m Not Okay <3

GERARD COSPLAYING PRINCESS DIANA (LA night 2)

I Never Told You being dedicated to glow in the dark skeleton man

“DO YOU HAVE THE KEYS TO THE LAMBORGHINI BECAUSE IM GONNA DRIVE THAT MOTHERFUCKER INTO A TARGET”

Dedicating Teenagers to a fan

Frank singing Teenagers to Lily <3

Frank hugging one of the twins prior to encore <3

Frank waving to his kids prior to Foundations <3

THEY SOUNDCHECKED ALL THE ANGELS (LA night 3)

THEY SOUNDCHECKED I DON’T LOVE YOU

THE SHOW IS BEING FILMED AGAIN

Foundations being dedicated to Doug </3

I DON’T LOVE YOU FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2019

Teenagers dedicated to a random fan again

KILL ALL YOUR FRIENDS FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2008

WTTBP being dedicated to Doug’s wife and kids </3

ALL THE ANGELS LIVE DEBUT

THEY SOUNDCHECKED SING (LA night 4)

GERARD IS DRESSED AS DRACULA

Teenagers being dedicated to Bandit for the third time as well as dedicating it to her friends <3

Bandit attending the show with her friends

RAY SLAPPING GERARD’S ASS AGAIN

Ghost of You in the encore!!

Mikey bringing Rowan on stage for Kids <3

Rowan making heart hands at the crowd <3

THEY SOUNDCHECKED SISTER TO SLEEP TWICE (LA night 5)

VACUUM GUY COSPLAYING GERARD

SISTER TO SLEEP FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2003

SING FOR THE FIRST TIME SINCE 2012

Teenagers dedicated to the crew

Dinosaur in the pit

GERARD HAS WRITING ON THEIR ARM

FRANK POSSIBLY WROTE ON GERARD’S ARM

LIVE DEBUT OF FAKE YOUR DEATH

Gabe’s son having to be “evicted” during Midtown’s opening set

Ray rocking out with his son during Kids <3

Gerard throwing fake insects to the fans

The final bow </3

Luigi cosplayer comforting emos at the first day of WWWY (cause it was canceled)

Katy Perry welcoming the orphans/emo kids to her Vegas residency show due to the first day of WWWY being canceled

Katy bringing an emo kid on stage with her and starting a mosh

THEYRE ALL IN THEIR REVENGE OUTFITS (WWWY night 2)

FACIAL PROSTHETICS

Opened with I’m Not Okay!

BAT BUCKLE

MIKEY HAS BLOOD ON HIS FACE

FRANK WENT BALD

CONFETTI WAS LITERAL VAMPIRE MONEY

Secretary of Salmonella

Gerard misaddressing the crowd as Utah

First time Foundations isn’t on the setlist since it was released (not a favorite or iconic, just really strange cause we’re all so used to it every night lol)

Frank walking onto the stage like an actual old man

Gerard flipping the crowd off before the show even started

Hayley (from Paramore) mentioning and thanking MCR <3

Person who did their prosthetics last weekend is back! (WWWY night 3)

Adam from TBS sitting on a whole ass person (ik it’s not MCR but it’s too funny to not include)

Foundations returned to the setlist!

Gerard dressed as an army general

GERARD WORE LIPSTICK

OPERA MUSIC BETWEEN SONGS

Mikey wearing the Kristin Fuckin Way shirt <3

GERARD GOT A MEDAL

GERARD BROKE THE MIC STAND AT THE END

Closing off their final US show with Kids </3

Jamia, Kristin, and Christa taking a photo with each other <3

MCR’s first time in Mexico since 2008!

Another sex doll for some reason

“You look good today baby boy” Anthony to Frank during LS Dunes’ set

GERARD IS JOAN OF ARC

Gerard spelt fuego wrong

GERARD SPOKE SPANISH

“WATCH ALL THE SHIT YOU DO”

Mikey winked and smirked at the camera

Gerard playing a telephone sound

FILMING NOTICE BEFORE MAMA

Gerard shouting out Frank and the rest of Dunes <3

NEW INTRO BEFORE FLW

Gerard got an axolotl plushie <3

Ending the North American tour and the final show of 2022 with Kids </3

If you’ve made it this far, first of all, hi! Secondly, ty for looking through this haha.

I’ll probably do this again when they’re in Australia, New Zealand, and Japan next year, so stay tuned! :)

[shadowisles-writes]

Innocent (Part 1) [Elucien]

A/N: Here is the first part of my gift to @kingofsummer93 for the ACOTAR gift exchange <3 A big thank you to everyone behind @acotargiftexchange, this is always one of the loveliest events of the year!

Summary: Lucien had always thought his life would be normal—or as normal as it could be growing up in a werewolf hunting family. All it took was one full moon for the truth to unravel in front of him and force him to make hard decisions. His fate was forever changed, and no amount of trying running from it could prevent it from catching up to him.

Huge thanks to @rosanna-writer for the beta <3

Read on AO3

.

And here I sit alone behind walls of regret Falling down like promises that I never kept - Castles Crumbling, Taylor Swift ft. Hayley Williams

6 years ago - Elain

Elain ran through the field with a shriek. The teenage boy with shoulder-length red hair chased after her, laughing as his longer legs easily caught up with her. His arms wrapped around her and Elain stumbled, unable to slow to a stop. The weight of his body and his own speed drove her off balance, and they collapsed in the grass together.

“You’re going to ruin my skirt again, Lucien.” Elain tried to check her cheerleading uniform for grass stains, but his body on hers covered most of it.

“It’s already too late for this one.” He gave a half apologetic shrug, knowing that she had an immaculate outfit to perform in folded in her closet.

Elain squirmed to look at the short skirt. “Where?”

“Right here,” Lucien grabbed her ass over the fabric and grinned.

“You’re impossible.” She tried to sound stern, but the way she tilted her head up to kiss him gave her away.

Lucien smiled against her lips, then quickly pushed himself to his feet and held his hands out to her. “Come on,” he lifted her until she stood. “I should drive you home.”

“Already?” Elain looked over to the almost empty parking lot. They had stayed long after practice ended, but it didn’t feel like enough time.

“Gotta stay in your dad’s good graces.” He squeezed her hand and led the way back to the locker rooms so that she could pick up her bag.

Elain knew that sulking wouldn’t help, but she was quiet all the way home. It had been four months, and Lucien still wasn’t allowed into her house apart from the occasional dinner. She followed her family to church every Sunday and endured the talks of abstinence and marriage, as if she would even get the opportunity to be alone with Lucien.

All he had ever done was kiss her. Hands wandered over clothes sometimes, but the only time they ever got to be together was the hour they stole after school and practice ended. Often enough, Elain’s father showed up after practice to pick her up and interrupted them, though he’d only ever found them sitting on the bleachers holding hands and talking.

Lucien wouldn’t take any chances and risk her family forbidding her from seeing him, but Elain’s patience was wearing thin. Nesta, of course, was always proper and only seen talking to the boys their grandmother thought would be a good match for her. No one cared enough about Elain to find her a match until Nesta was taken care of, so she was unfairly sheltered instead while Feyre ran wild, too young and headstrong for anyone to bother with her.

“Come on El, it’s not that bad.” Lucien placed his hand on her thigh as he drove.

“Aren’t you sick of it?” She traced the veins on the back of his hand and studied his profile.

“It’s not ideal,” he conceded. “But as long as I get to see you, I’m happy.”

“Don’t you ever get angry?” Elain asked, because she did. She got angry at the world for keeping him from her, for telling her that she was only a child and didn’t know what was good for her when her heart told her Lucien was the one she needed by her side.

“What’s the point?” Lucien glanced over at her and flipped his hand to lace his fingers with hers. “Of course I wish we could have more freedom, but I don’t see another way at the moment.”

“We have a year and half of this ahead of us,” Elain sighed. “I just… I don’t want you to lose your patience.”

“I won’t, never when it comes to you.” He kissed the back of her hand. “I promise.”

.

Dinner was quiet that evening, as it always was. Elain’s grandmother and her father were the only people who ever really talked. The three girls had been raised to know that children didn’t speak at the dinner table, and as they had gotten older the rule had never truly been lifted. Elain never had much to say to her family anyway, only answering questions when she was spoken to.

It was typically uneventful until her father had to leave the dinner table to answer the phone. The conversation was short and impossible to overhear, and Elain didn’t think any of it would matter until he sat back at the head of the table.

“Who was it?” Feyre asked.

“Beron Vanserra.”

Elain’s heart skipped a beat as she looked up from her dinner. The way her father was looking back at her did nothing to reassure her. Beron never called.

She was just about to ask about the reason when her grandmother stepped in. “We haven’t seen a werewolf in this town in twenty years. What would be important enough for him to interrupt dinner?”

Everyone knew werewolves were the most unpredictable creatures. Elain hadn’t heard of one anywhere near this town in her lifetime, and she could only pray it wasn’t about to change. Some towns were riddled with them, but hunting families like the Vanserras had cleared many areas for humans to safely live in.

Beron Vanserra and his oldest sons were some of the rare people who lived after facing down one of those creatures on a full moon. Lucien talked about it, sometimes, though he still had a few years before he would be forced to follow in his family’s tracks.

“It wasn’t about hunting. Lucien was in a car accident, he knows he picks up Elain for school,” he explained before adding, “You can take the bus tomorrow.”

Elain nearly dropped her fork. She couldn’t have cared less about school or the bus as she quickly asked, “What happened? Is he going to be alright?” 

“I assume he’s going to be in the hospital for a few days at least.” Her father reached for the spoon in the middle of the table and helped himself to more potatoes.

“Well,” her grandmother scoffed. “Good thing Elain won’t be getting in that boy’s car again.”

“I’m sure it wasn’t his fault,” she protested, unable to even look at her food anymore. “Can I call them back after dinner? Just to know if he’s alright?”

“His brothers will be at school tomorrow.”

“Daddy-” Elain began to argue, but Nesta interrupted her.

“I have my final project with Eris due tomorrow,” she said. “I was going to have to call to talk over a detail of the conclusion. I’ll ask about Lucien.”

.

Lucien

Everything had happened too fast for him to remember. One moment, Lucien was driving; the next, he was in a hospital bed. He tried to move his shoulder and immediately groaned from the pain that shot through his articulation. His arm was partly immobilized by a splint, and he could only wish they had put it on tighter as he breathed through gritted teeth. The room was entirely white, and the steady beeping by his head was enough of a clue for him to know where he was.

“Oh sweetheart, you’re awake.” Lucien’s mother quickly noticed his eyes were open and reached for his hand. His eyes followed her touch, noticing the IV in his arm and the plastic covering one of his fingers.

At least that arm wasn’t injured, he realized after carefully moving his shoulder to check.  “What happened?” He croaked before clearing his throat.

“You had a car accident,” she explained and handed him a glass of water. “Beron is outside, he’s on the phone with the insurance company,”

Lucien wouldn’t be surprised if his father never came into the room. He didn’t expect him to care beyond the cost of car repairs. Beron hadn’t spent time with him in years, always too busy traveling to nearby towns with other werewolf hunters to care about his youngest son.

“I don’t remember it,” Lucien said about the accident. “Was anyone else injured?”

“No, you only hit a tree.”

“Okay,” he breathed out, at least relieved that no one else had been hurt. “Did I hit my head or something?” It certainly didn’t hurt now, but maybe that was what affected his memory. “I just don’t remember anything happening in the car.”

“I-”

“I see you’re awake,” a nurse walked into the room and interrupted before Lucien’s mother could start her explanation. “How are you feeling?”

“Fine, I think,” Lucien diverted his attention to answer more questions.

Something was clearly going on with his mother, but she didn’t speak with the nurse in the room. After several questions and a promise to have a doctor check on him soon, the nurse left them alone again.

Lucien’s mother didn’t meet his eyes until she was sitting beside him again. Even then, it was hardly more than a glance at him. The tight bun that usually held her bright red hair had fallen loose, and her light brown eyes were rimmed with red.

Lucien didn’t remember the last time he had seen her so distressed. She was always put together at home, even in the worst of circumstances she could hold her head up and pretend everything was fine. Three of his brothers had been in accidents that sent them to the hospital before, yet she had never looked this pale waiting in their hospital rooms.

“Are you sure you’re feeling alright?” She fussed with the edge of his bedsheet.

“I’m fine. What were you going to say?”

“There are a lot of things I need to explain to you.”

“Just tell me what happened.” Lucien frowned, her reluctance to say anything only making his worry increase.

She kept staring at the bedsheet for a moment, then met his eyes, took a deep breath, and finally began to explain. “There’s something you need to know about your father.”

“What about Beron?” Lucien couldn’t fathom what that would have to do with his accident. Could he be cheating on his mother? Probably, he was a piece of shit and always traveling, but there was no reason to tell him that now.

“I’m not talking about Beron.”

“What?”

“Let me explain.” She rested her hand on his. “I should have told you this a long time ago, but Beron isn’t your biological father. Many years ago, before I was married to Beron, I met someone. My family wouldn’t have approved, for a million reasons, but we remained in contact through the years, and that man is your real father.”

“How the hell-” The heart monitor beeped faster as he processed the words. “How could you not tell me?” He pushed on his good arm to sit up, betrayal written all over his face.

“Lucien, please—” His mother glanced to the corridor to check no one would come in. “He’s a werewolf.”

Lucien laid back into the bed with wide eyes. He had grown up with Beron’s stories of the creatures, and it was expected he would learn how to hunt them too sooner or later. Every story he had ever heard depicted them as monsters, not people.

They were wild, they did not have feelings, they only killed. It was what he had been taught from the youngest age, it was impossible that his mother could have associated with one, or that he could be one of them.

“I’m so sorry, Lucien. I’ll tell you all you need to know now.” She blinked several times to clear the tears from her eyes. “Last night was a full moon, and you’re old enough that the symptoms are beginning to manifest. That’s what caused your accident.”

“How could you not tell me?” He repeated himself, still too shocked to say anything else.

It was impossible. It was going to destroy his life.

“I thought that because I was human there might be a chance you could escape it.”

“Escape it—they’re going to kill me.”

“Of course they won’t.” More tears rolled down her cheeks.“Your father, Helion, lives far away from here, I called him after your accident. You’ll live with him and learn how to protect yourself, there’s a place for you at the high school so you can still graduate and— I’m sorry, Lucien. I truly am.”

 Lucien’s mind immediately went to Elain. How could he explain himself? She would be terrified, she would hate him before he had a chance to give her an explanation. “I can’t just leave, Elain-”

“Can’t find out.” His mother interrupted vehemently. “It would put you both in danger.”

“I can’t just leave her like that,” he protested, but his thoughts were too frantic for him to figure out what he could possibly say to her either.

“You have to, or you’ll hurt her. Full moons will make you uncontrollable, and you won’t be able to keep it secret. Beron will kill us both, and Elain will be caught in the middle of it.”

Lucien quieted at that and brought his hand up to cover his face. He couldn’t think—could hardly breathe from too much information yet not enough for him to understand it all.

It took most of the day for him to calm down. His mother stayed beside him the entire time, answering every question he had and apologizing so many times he didn’t have it in him to remain angry at her. Beron had always been a horrible husband and father; there was no love lost between them,and he couldn’t really blame his mother for loving someone else.

It would take more than apologies to fix the broken trust between them, but there was no time for Lucien to sulk or reject her when listening was the only way they would both survive. The hardest part was hearing that werewolves weren’t monsters. Lucien didn’t believe he was a monster himself, but would these symptoms eventually make him into one? If werewolves could hide among humans, maybe even fall in love with them, why had Beron lied all of these years?

“Lucien, you need to know-”

“Stop.” He interrupted before she could start another one of her apologies. “I need… I don’t fucking know what I need, but just stop right now.”

“If I could keep you here with me I would,” she whispered anyway “but when lives are at stake-”

“I know they are!” Lucien’s voice rose with anger. “You think I don’t realize what a mess this is? And Elain…”

Lucien sank his teeth into his cheek until he could taste blood. She was too smart for him to just break up with her without an excuse, and it was only a matter of time until she showed up at the hospital. Even with her father opposing her, she was a caretaker, and she would always find a way to be there for the people she loved.

The only way for Lucien to keep her safe would be to make sure he wasn’t one of these people anymore.