#official crab post

[dragons-in-spaceee]

Calling your lab partner silly nicknames just to annoy him is all fun and games until you refer to him as “hermit crab” in front of the Big Boss…

[official-crab-posts]

hello this is my favorite crab. wooly eroded crab. love is stored in the crab

yippee my first crab ask!!!! this is a wonderful crab. love is stored in the crab. so true.

official crab ask!

[crabsdaily]

actually the funniest part of scott pilgrim is that he’s from toronto

fucking freak city

[slutpoppers]

(098) Krabby

(099) Kingler

Previous: Drowzee line

Next: Voltorb line

[polyboros]

the worst part of writing irms is the fact that i have to write two of them for every guy. “atticus you don’t have to install irm for every worm” do i look like a guy who does things by halves

[ripegreenfruit]

hi tumblr I had a week long (?!*) depressive spiral so I was on Twitter instead. What’s the haps over here? Besides the downfall of Twitter, obv.

*felt like two weeks minimum. I Love Mental Illness

[chisatowo]

I simply think that the c-side inkling is hated by the universe itself. guys who you meet and go what the fuck is wrong with you and they go well you see- and you just sit there in indescribable horror for the next 78 hours and then you just go oh.

[haikyuupaladin]

TLDR; don’t give tumblr money until they start making visible improvements towards accessibility

I’ve seen a few posts around about something people are calling crab day where you’re supposed to gift the crab button to your mutuals to support Tumblr financially. Please don’t participate in this unless Tumblr starts making noticeable improvements towards accessibility between now and then. It’s been 5 months of me trying to get the bare minimum of accessibility for photosensitive users or even just find out who I can talk to to get anywhere, and Tumblr is refusing to make any changes.

@photomatt has doubled down on the suggestion that you should just pay for ad-free or install an ad-blocker instead of listening to any of the suggestions photosensitive users have repeatedly made. Please do not give money to Tumblr until they show a commitment to accessibility because they will continue to ignore our requests if it doesn’t impact them financially.

Some of the requests we’ve made are:

1. Allow us to disable autoplay on browser as well as the app. This is an accessibility feature, not a data-saving feature, and should be treated as such.

2. Include ads in disabling of autoplay, along with other formats that currently get around the autoplay feature. Currently even if you have autoplay disabled you can still end up with flashing lights in your face every few posts from ads.

3. Improve the reporting process for strobing ads. The quick reporting process doesn’t provide good options to ensure the person reviewing the report realizes that it’s being reported for flashing lights so you have to hope they agree it’s either malicious or offensive and don’t just brush you off as abusing the report function. The more complicated reporting process involves getting a screenshot and the link that the ad brings you to, which requires lingering on the ad, which if you’re trying to report the ad for your safety, is dangerous. You can also still get the same ad 10 times a row after reporting it until it’s been reviewed. Which again, presents a danger to users.

4. Add a community label for flashing lights. Flashing lights are commonly untagged or mistagged, even sometimes maliciously. It would be extremely helpful to the photosensitive community to be able to add a warning to a post that doesn’t have one.

I’ve talked a lot about the photosensitive community in this post because that’s what I have personal experience with and what @photomatt has explicitly come out and just said to buy ad-free about, but there are definitely other accessibility issues that need to be addressed as well (like the alt text function needing improvements to make it accessible to users who need it and don’t use screenreaders, or the fact that a lot of tumblr official stuff still doesn’t seem to use the alt text feature themselves). Please feel free to add on accessibility issues I’ve missed in the reblogs.

[mevweasley]

every day we stray further from God

[fishpostings]

you know what? fuck it. im going to fight every nautical poster on this site. @official-crab-posts is the latest on my list. fight me in the tournament for most nautically awesome posts.

[chipper-skeleton]

GUIDELINES FOR

1: No doxxing, no bullying, no death threats. Such cowardly acts are UNBEFITTING OF THE SKELETON WAR

2: If a wizard casts a spell you must follow it. If they cast “turn undead” you must flee, unless you’re a heckin big boi. If a wizard casts “nuclear fire blast” then you’re dead. If a wizard casts the penis shrinking spell then YOU CAN LAUGH IN THEIR FACE BECAUSE SKELETONS DONT HAVE PENISES

3: If you blaze skeleton war post, link back to this original post with guidelines to OFFICIALLY DRAFT MORE SOULS INTO THE SKELETON WAR

why should I support the skeleton war?

Wouldn’t you rather see tumblr community nonsense instead of corporate brand pandering? Tumblr is one of the last true remnants of the old internet before everything became soulless algorithmic husks. Yeah its cringe sometimes, but its our cringe.

Hosting a social media website is not profitable, so thats why dev teams turn to advertisers, because our information and attention becomes their only product they can sell. If the community can invest in tumblr through blazed posts then we can get more frog elections and crabs and less fake friendly corporate bs.

its after halloween, isnt it a bit late for the sk-

THE SKELETON WAR IS UNBOUND BY YOUR MEAGER MORTAL REVELRIES

HOW DO I PARTICIPATE (AND NOT PARTICIPATE?)

[zipperkiller]

Gotta get back to my roots and start posting crab memes again

@starcoffinxd @official-crab-posts @waste-mixture

[official-crab-posts]

for the purposes of this blog do hermit crabs count as crabs?? because if so. Coenobita Purpureus, the Okinawan blueberry hermit crab

my profile picture is a hermit crab so i would sure hope they count lol (i also establish rules about what i count as a crab in my pinned post if anyone hasnt read that)

the okinawan blueberry hermit crab!! what a delightful friend. i will share a blueberry pie with them.

look at them. do they not deserve a delicious blueberry pie.

[biocrafthero]

Vaugarde Dashboard Simulator Part 2

( 25 notes )

🪨 tuesdayagain Follow

My dinnar 🔥

( 37 notes )

👁️ onlooker23694 Follow

do you guys think that Odile (one of the saviors) has a tumblr

🐇 bingbongurwrong Follow

I think some of you need therapy. Desperately.

👁️ onlooker23694 Follow

Change forbid someone on the “i wanna make out with that old lady” website actually wants to make out with that old lady

( 1,374 notes )

🪨 tuesdayagain Follow

Hope I don’t have to fight my evil shadow self today

♟️ maldupays Follow

hey

🪨 tuesdayagain Follow

HELLO????

💫 loopingloops Follow

I THOUGHT IT WAS YOU AND I DOING THIS BIT OP THIS WASN’T SUPPOSED TO HAPPEN

🪨 tuesdayagain Follow

THAT’S NOT YOUR ALT???

💫 loopingloops Follow

ITS NOT

🪨 tuesdayagain Follow

WHAT

💫 loopingloops Follow

WHAT

♟️ maldupays Follow

:3

( 465 notes )

🧪 thatonescientist Follow

Okay so Mira isn’t in the dorm right now so I just combined a Monster energy drink with some rainbow Airheads. Calling this drink battery acid. Gonna see what happens when I have some

🧪 thatonescientist Follow

don’t do this

🧪 thatonescientist Follow

i love my partner so much love always wins never give up

( 73,287 notes )

🌃 changehold Follow

WHO FOUND THIS ACCOUNT

( 238 notes )

🧱 builderboy-brickman Follow

Wait. Wait does this mean that the saviors listen to Radiohead

🧱 builderboy-brickman Follow

DON’T “of course they do” ME ITS HARD TO SEE PEOPLE LIKE THAT AS LIKE. HAVING NORMAL LIVES. THEY’RE BASICALLY SUPERHEROES!!

( 3,138 notes )

👑 fleetingmemories Follow

ohhh…. I remember when messages took weeks to send between countries……. how times have changed……… ohhhhhhh….

☄️ rumblingrocktype Follow

Hey quick question how old are you

👑 fleetingmemories Follow

oh….. in my 50s, I believe…… why do you ask?

☄️ rumblingrocktype Follow

Did you know him

( 375 notes )

🔔 pleasedontfindthisblog Follow

my thirsty ass could NEVER be near one of these things

🧤 fivesetsofhands Follow

Hey what does this mean. Hey OP what the crab does this mean

🔔 pleasedontfindthisblog Follow

you can’t prove ANYTHING

( 96,938 notes )

⚒️ etchedinstone Follow

“Is it ethical to write fanfic about the saviors of Vaugarde if their lives were adapted into a stage play and I’m just writing about the fictional versions of them” thread locked after 174 pages of heated debate

🐊 creepingthang Follow

OP this is the same energy as the Isabeau Miku Binder post

⚒️ etchedinstone Follow

THE WHAT

( 3,487 notes )

🌫️ guncraft

I need him

👓 patienthunter Follow

People like OP need to go to a mental hospital

🐺 wolvesdenguy Follow

What happened to the notes

🌞 inthehouseof Follow

Official 0 note King thirst post

( 0 notes )

🐻 amazingwonderfulfunnybuff Follow

My friends finally convinced me to make a new account after years of not using this website why is everything different

( 16 notes )

💭 lostinthoughts Follow

GUYS WHAT THE CRAB IS THAT

💭 lostinthoughts Follow

IM NOT CRABBING AROUND RIGHT NOW THIS ISN’T FUNNY THIS PHOTO ISN’T EDITED WHAT IS HAPPENING

👾 bitten8-bit Follow

the fog is coming.

( 6,937 notes )

🐾 werebearwearbare Follow

That new shade in the sky would look great in a children’s hospital

( 974 notes )

🍱 overthinkinghistorian Follow

this too is yuri

( 37,485 notes )

💀 biocrafthero Follow

You can read Part 1 here :3c

[professorcalculusstanaccount]

he’s the adult supervision, he’s the voice of reason, he’s a cringefail king, it’s Captain Haddock! Quite a few people asked for a timeline post for Haddock after I posted one of Tintin.

I found the whole idea of the Haddock family curse to be very interesting, and the implications behind it to be pretty dark... cw for alcoholism and childhood abuse. Let me know if you need anything tagged.

To figure out the timeline the evidence for Haddock’s age I found was in an animated adaptation of Explorers on the Moon where Haddock mentions he has around forty years of sailing experience. I doubt he was running around on ships as a newborn so that places his age during the canon comics at around 60ish, give or take a few years, which in my timeline places his childhood during the late Victorian era!

Left to right, top to bottom:

Child - Archibald Haddock had a pretty rough childhood and family life. The legacy of the “Haddock family curse” weighs heavily on him, and so does the alcoholism that runs generationally. His father is often drunk, taking his anger and frustration out on Archibald. Fully believing the family curse, Archibald’s father drills the idea that he is destined for failure into his head. 

Archibald’s only respite is his grandfather, who tells him stories of Sir Francis Haddock and other tall tales from the sea. His grandfather also would take him out on fishing trips, the lochs and the sea being his refuge. 

Teenager - It’s the 1880s and Archibald is left aimless after his grandfather passes away, passing the time by hiding from his father and drinking during the day. He fully believes he has no real future and lets himself get swept up by whatever will come along next.

Young Adult - Archibald decides to follow in his grandfather’s footsteps and becomes a sailor, feeling at home at sea. He cleans up somewhat after befriending George Chester as the two train on the same merchant vessel. Chester drags a reluctant Archibald along into all kinds of crazy antics, with Archibald wanting to stay on the straight and narrow.

Archibald is drafted during the First World War, serving in the Grand Fleet. He is stationed at the Orkney and Shetland Islands with Chester.

Canon - After the war Archibald relapses on his addiction again, but is able to hold onto work in the merchant fleet. He eventually becomes a captain of a merchant vessel where his mental health issues are taken advantage of in the Crab with the Golden Claws. 

Seeing his crew mutiny, kidnap (and attempt to murder) a boy on his ship was a major wake up call - Haddock is now imbued with a sense of responsibility for Tintin (even if Tintin seems to handle things better than Haddock!). He doesn’t understand what Tintin sees in him but he’ll be damned if he proves him wrong. He’s not above calling him an idiot when the time is right though.

Post Canon - After Tintin loses his job Haddock does his best to support him.  He uses his wealth to further causes he believes in, donating money to artist collectives and scientific research that was repressed by fascist governments. Before Belgium even joins the Second World War he and the Marlinspike team proactively go out and foil various Nazi plots. Marlinspike Hall is firebombed by the Nazis in retaliation, but after the war Haddock funds various housing cooperative projects. Coming from a working class background he hasn’t forgotten the hardships a lot of people face.

Elderly - At this point Haddock is secure in his found family. He’s been living with his partner Ramo Nash, and has taken up various arts and crafts as hobbies. Looking back, he never expected to be a father, but is incredibly proud of Tintin. He never officially adopts him as a part of him still fears the family curse (plus they both agree “Haddock” as a name definitely does not suit Tintin)!