#oh well. it lives on in my memory.

[deathbydarkelves]

I hate all forms of PvP 99% of the time but this new mode is silly enough that I wanna try it. I'll let y'all know how I do. I have next to no experience in battle royales.

[arthursfuckinghat]

"Arthur caught that."

"Did he?"

"And he killed that with his hands!"

[sluckythewizard]

[PUT INTO PLACE, TIED DOWN AND ARRANGED, AND IS NEVER THE SAME, AGAIN.]<-listen to my favorite songs. VAMPIRES ARE WONDERFUL ARENT THEY. THE FLESH IS SO MUCH MORE DURABLE. SO MUCH STRETCHIER THAN HUMANS. THE STRESS DOESNT KILL A VAMPIRE THE SAME WAY IT DOES A HUMAN. YOU CAN TAKE THEM APART THREAD BY THREAD AND LEAVE THEM WIDE AWAKE WITHOUT WORRY OF THE BRAINMATTER SPOILING UNDER VINEGARY AGONY.

[bittercappuccinu]

tried drawing a wallpaper for myself :)

shadow alone below because i like how he looks more

[balladofmoony]

a little collage for dstg lily of @mayescapade because honestly lily evans and the phoenix are all i think about these days.

[running-in-the-dark]

I have officially started painting the walls in the living room.

well, I've mixed/adjusted the paint and painted some swatches and put up masking tape and all that stuff. I'll be painting tomorrow. I'm so excited (to get started, but mostly that I'll finally be all done with evvvverything*)

*until I think of the next thing I want to do, and the next one after that, and -

[crazysnakey]

Vislor Turlough my beloved you are so so special to me because of. how circular you are when you start off, character and motivations. his life in exile is basically a loop between "I want to go home (I want to be somewhere I belong)" and "I can never return home (I will never find a place where I belong)" and. and idk but that hurts and kind of reminds me of the doctor.

like. you want to go home. you can never go home. it’s all you’ve ever known. you have no idea what’s happening there. it’s where you were born and raised. you don’t know how things have changed since you left. it’s associated with your good memories, of family and friends and education. it’s also associated with some of your worst memories, of war and death and separation. but you want to go home. that’s the problem, isn’t it? you can’t help yearning for it, that familiarity that can’t be replicated anywhere else. it’s your home, your people, you don’t know where else to go, where else you could go. you can't go home. if you go back you will be exiled again or executed. but it’s the one place you may truly belong, you're tired of being an outsider and you want to be somewhere you belong. you will always be an outsider, you will never find somewhere you belong. you want to go home. you can never go home.

[carmenpeach]

hm okay something thats been on my mind for like over a year now. sometime last year? or maybe closer to almost 2 years(!?) i started taking antipsychotics cause i just couldnt stand the paranoia anymore it had been ruining my life and i just could not function as a person and i was sick of the daily panic attacks. but like i thought "if i dont like how this makes me feel, i can stop and just go back to being crazy" and obviously i wasnt enjoying it- mostly it made me feel really numb to enjoyment and i found that my special interests were just becoming background noise for me at most and it was really hard like i didnt wanna draw or even play games it was like "wake up go to work come home smoke weed go to bed repeat"

and it was like my stuffed animals quit feeling like sentient and started to feel like just objects and it made me feel sick. like my toys had always been alive in a way and then suddenly they werent, but thats definitly not the reason i was so distressed being sane, since i know that special objects are bound to over the years not feel like friends etc etc <- mentally ill whatever. it was like there was a sudden wash of clarity over me and i hated it.

like it was like i was split in two in a way, and this is the part thats hard to explain unless you personally know the feeling. a lot of schizophrenic people have this feeling of like another person/ self residing in the back of the head or spine. and it gives this sense of paranoia, of being over your shoulders or under your skin just beneath you. and until a few years ago i didnt know this was something other people felt sometimes, and it was terrifying just feeling this entity of sorts possessing me in a way. i had felt it ever since i was a kid (maybe 9? for sure became a hard issue by the time i was 12 though so you know. early schizophrenia if not life long) but i never mentioned it to anyone for a variety of reasons, primarily because there was this feeling that if i outwardly acknowledged it, then it would know that i knew about it, and it would get me. whether that was killing me, torturing me, pulling me into another dimension, or taking over my body. and after 2 decades it just became part of my every day life, this thing within me that would always look for an opportunity to torment me in some unknown but inhumane way. and it was just this all consuming feeling, even feeling its thoughts inside my head, and not being sure where i ended and it began, and i accepted it as just a part of me for better or for worse.

and so starting antipychotics, they did their job and i felt "normal" and i was sleeping regularily for the first time in my life (would lay awake for hours and hours ever sinde like idk 3rd grade. 5 hours a night max usually and then that was plagued by nightmares. and of course the constant hallucinations and delusions in the meantime made sleep even harder) and i even felt less of that endless anger inside of me. and i hated it. it was like after being on it for idk maybe 2 weeks or a month or something i just suddenly in the day felt this clarity wash over me and just like that, the spine creature was gone. it was quiet upstairs. and ive felt hollow ever since. i quit the medication not long after but ive felt the same. its like it got mad at me and left to teach me a lesson for trying to toy with it. and ive been a half human ever since. its spacious in my body and in my mind, used to holding two people and now its just one. and ive spent so much time trying to induce epiosdes and just hoping(?) it comes back, but it hasnt.

its like im being forced to live as a human when im not. "being human" is this like aspect ive always struggled with, like im not gonna go into it but ive been forced to live as a non human my whole life, and every time i start to feel that feeling of "maybe i could be a person" something fucking outlandish happens and kicks me back down. i feel like a cartoon character the way everything is such a "yeah this sort of shit would happen to me" moments all the time. and like in a weird way, i always had this "evidence" i was a non human, with this otherworldly thing living inside of me and it was me.

for a long time i thought of it as the "original" me before all the events in my life forced me to create a new version of myself, and that it hated me. like i was one person ripped in two, and the part you have now (carmen) is the "active" "half" but its only half of a full person. but the other half certainly wasnt a person either. ive had many theories of what it is/ was, but knew i would never know, all i knew was that i could never acknowledge it. and its funny cause knowing that "its just schizophrenia" doesnt ease that feeling. its hard to explain. but what im getting at is that ive spent the last two years learning to navigate myself as only a fraction of what i was before.

its interesting cause i wouldnt say the insanity is gone, every now and then paranoia rears its head and certain topics that would make me have an episode will still freak me out. but i can walk past mirrors now (mirrors were always a 100% episode inducing thing) and i still sleep regularily and ive been eating stable too. but its still with this feeling of hollowness. im used to there being two people inside my body and now its just one, and its too spacious and its almost like i get lost in there. only one set of thoughts in my head, only one person looking through my eyes, only one person controlling my arms. i always felt like an alien and thought i always would. and i found great joy in embracing my schizophrenia rather than hiding it as some terrible secret. and it was the best thing i ever did for myself, was finally being open about my psychosis. ive made so many meaningful connections to other psychotic people, and im so happy ive met ppl that helped me understand myself and that im not the only one that feels this, and also that ive helped other people realize their own psychosis too.

i thought i could play pretend at being a normal person and go back to myself if i didnt like it, but i ended up staying this way. i know its not impossible for that feeling to come back maybe, but my god its horrifying to lose it the way i did. it feels only the more recent months ive started to adapt to being the only me in my body, and to feel like i could maybe be human too. yeah it was scary, but on the other hand now its kind of lonely in a really weird way, and not something i thought was possible either, i can still feel the impression where it was even as it fills in with my own shape now.

[writhe]

[stop-breaking-my-heart-telltale]

It's been a while since the initial announcement, but any thoughts about Life is Strange: Double Exposure?

I watched the trailer and y'know what? I'm intrigued. I actually look forward to playing it. I looks nice, the murder mystery and parallel timelines concept sounds interesting, and I want to see what Max is like after all this time. How's she coping with and healing from all the trauma she went through in the first game?

I haven't watched anything other than the trailer and I'm not keeping tabs on any updates or anything, though. I know that Chloe's not in the trailer and a lot of people are upset about that but like... I'm not mad, haha. Listen, I have a complicated relationship with Chloe Price as a character and I'm not a pricefield shipper by any means, so if this game takes place in the timeline where Chloe died then I won't be too upset.

If anything, I think this game taking place in that timeline would be way more compelling, especially since this story seems to be about Max attempting to prevent the death of yet another friend of hers. She said she swore to never use her powers again, too. I think it'd make sense for her to say that in either timeline, but more so in this one.

However, I know a lot of people would be pissed so it makes me wonder just what they're doing here. It's difficult to take both endings into account unless they do something where if Chloe's alive, she's just not present. Maybe she and Max talk on the phone or Max makes references to where she is... but that would feel cheap, no? Especially to fans who love the original game for the Chloe and Max dynamic, platonic or romantic, and would want to see it now that they're both older and away from Arcadia Bay. I mean, how are they handling themselves after the tornado destroyed everything?

Maybe Chloe is around and the trailer just doesn't want to show her. Again, I don't know if anything's been confirmed and y'all are welcome to let me know.

[swinging-stars-from-satellites]

I will say that because these one after another, recurring anxieties are RECURRING and usually spiral from each other I can often disregard them a little more easily bc I'm like... I've been over this before?

[kanene-yaaay-o-retorno]

Random au because I can't stop thinking about this:

On the doc Mike and Pac found in the prison said that if Walter Bob completed that specific task he would be free from the jail/no longer a prisoner, right? (MY memory isn't the best so maybe this is a bit wrong but that is what we have for today folks augstwfwywfrqcw)

So

What if one day he finishes the task and Cucorucho with a smile brings him to another federation building and asks him to get into a room

So

Days later Fit is asked to clean a room, no big deal, another day of honest work where he starts lurking around looking for anything that could be useful for him and his mission

And then, in another place that he isn't suppose to be, but that he got into anyway is a... something. In the corner. It's small, it's scared, maybe even trembling a little bit and tired, very tired.

It's an egg.

When he enters, it turns around to face him and Fit freezes for a second because now he can clearly read the name on top of the kid.

"Walter Bob"

Well, he isn't coming out of that building alone.

Also! For fluff purposes! Imagine he bringing him to show Pac and Mike, like, Walter Bob doesn't have the memories of Before but he can't help but feel at ease around those "strangers" and their vibrant, lively energy, especially because they seem to like be around him as well, always full of hugs and itens and new places to show around.

Ramon being a good older brother! Showing him how to explode things and being perfect to bring his more quiet and chaotic side.

The fact that before he couldn’t remember ever having a bed just the cold metal of the cell and the guards shouting and pain and experiments and cold cold cold

But now it's different! Now he has a family, people from everywhere smiling and talking to him and helping and saying strange, kind things like that their house is his as well and that if he ever ever need he could call

And then Forever reforms the NINHO to have another room and Bad calls him to chat while making his buildings and Baghera gives him a bunch of invisible potions so they can hang around listening to gossips and Philza is always chill in letting him visit and Foolish laugh and goof around like nothing could ever go wrong everytime he gets too anxious and Mike and Pac are there and...

And Richas gives him beautiful paintings to put in his room and Dapper show him all his cool animal collection and Leo take him to a train ride and Tallulah helps him to decorate his room and...

And and and

(And the hope is there, it hurts too much to bare sometimes, like it's a knife that already cut him before.

But little by little, with time, the wounds begins to heal)

[genderfluid-druid]

underrated love language i had forgotten about: "the cat is sitting on you funny. I need you to appreciate how funny he looks from my angle. I know you're sitting right next to me but I'm gonna take a picture and send it to you."

[fideidefenswhore]

teenage dream (2023), olivia rodrigo / the spanish princess (2020) / the private lives of the tudors, tracy borman (2016) / the six queens of henry viii (2016) / the vaux passional / the six wives of henry viii (2001) / the lovers who changed history (2014) / blood, sex & royalty (2022) / blood, sex & royalty (2022), gif @fabledenigma / the cross (2014) 

[ayyponine]

not to be a milennial but harry potter and the prisoner of azkaban really is that bitch....

[hadesknockedupintheunderworld]

Not yet going to elaborate, especially since we have yet to see the mini series release in full

But I am skeptical that the scene we saw in the preview for the shadow short series is actually a memory