#oh y’all I’m mentally unwell

[jimilter-recs]

PARK JIMIN | APR-JUN ’22 FIC RECS

⇰ hey, everyone! welcome to my quarterly fic recs list, featuring the love of my life, park jimin. 💛

❥ welcome! i’m a week late and the list is really short by my standards. the reason to which might be the fact that most of may and all of june were pretty busy months for me, and i was able to only catch up w fics when i was unwell and bedridden (which happened twice, unfortunately :\).

❥ length: there are the regular three categories based upon lengths: one-shots, series and drabbles; no smaus in this quarter, i'm afraid.

❥ ps! this list contains fics that i have read within these months, not just the fics that were posted during this time!

❥ WARNING ❥ MOST OF THESE WILL BE 18+ AND CONTAIN EXPLICIT SMUT - MINORS SHOULD STRICTLY NOT INTERACT.

❥ legend:

a - angst | f - fluff | s - smut | d - drama | h - humor rating - pg-13 | pg-15 | 18+ tw - trigger warnings - including: mentions of insecurities, mental illness, abuse, infidelity, violence, blood, gore, any death, and more. check fic warnings before you proceed. ❥ - absolute favorites that i’ll remember forever!

∘ love me better - @taegularities | a, d, s, f | 18+  ❥ i got the chance to beta this mind-blowing fic by ridziette (although my hectic schedule didn’t allow me to complete the task blown away! an honest to god masterpiece of a suspense thriller! doesn’t even feel like a fic most of the time, it’s a whole-ass movie, guys! <3

∘ sexcapade - @hamsterclaw​ | h, f | 18+ so i inhaled most of rei’s masterlist but haven’t yet screamed abt all the fics, i will, asap! but this one - wow! there’s no actual smut in here but the entire story revolves around sex. the banter, jimin’s sexiness, oc being relatable - i love everything abt the fic! <3

∘ let’s get quizzical - @taleasnewastime | a, h, s, d, h | 18+ ❥ one of the most amazing f2l fics i’ve ever read!!! jimin’s cluelessness, oc’s pining, the angst bec oc is a pessimist like me - and oh! their entire bunch of idiots? everything is sO good! i read it back in april and while looking for the link, i read it again yesterday, lmao. <3

∘ nectar - @gimmethatagustd​ | a, s, d, h, f | 18+ | tw this is a vamoire!reader x human!jimin - a rare and intriguing foundation, to begin with. and then you take in their personalities, and this fic becomes a delightful ride! jimin is the cutest bean in the whole world, oc is in her goth era and we also have nikki being the kind of friend i crave to have irl. the friendship and the chemistry between oc and jimin - chef’s kiss! please read this and shower jai w the love they deserve, y’all! <3

∘ limitless - @kimvtae​ | a, d | pg-15 | tw  brutally smashed my heart, but if you know me, you know that i enjoyed every bit of it. (: this one has an open end and man i love the way it is left on an ominous note sO mucH! <3

∘ arte factum - @lolabangtan​ | a, d, s | 18+ | tw  oh god this fic gave me the shivers!!! amazingly woven story, with both the smut and the mystery hitting exactly the right way! absolutely loved everything from start to the end, but especially the end. <3

∘ meet me at the finish line - @parkdatjimin​ | a, d, s, h , f | 18+ | tw   ❥ jimin in this fic??? the biggest sweetheart ever, okay? he’s so caring and kind and just overall wonderful, even when him and oc are supposed to be rivals. :( their rivalry is such a cute journey, tho. loved the way it developed as they aged, and then the way their romance bloomed from it. <3

∘ i still want you - @parkdatjimin​ | a, s, d | 18+ the way this tore my heart apart and then julienned it? oc’s pov was bad enough, but then we had to see things from jimin’s pov too??? why, mindy, whY must you be so amazing at portraying gut-wrenching heartbreak? :( i love this fic so much!

∘ freak in you​ - @pshychives​ | s, f | 18+ okay, so this one is a steamy ride and a half - hot af and so well written! please, the way oc and jimin can’t get enough of each other? made me horny cry so many times, ughhh. absolutely amazing, dear writer, i am biting my knuckles as i write this bec this was too sexy! <3

∘ a remedy for mondays - @dovechim​ | a, s, h, d | 18+​ this one is such a unique story! a hilarious but also emotional ride all the way through. absolutely loved reading it <3

∘ love again - @taestefully-in-luv​ | a, s, d, h | 18+  ❥ ahhh, one of the most amazing series i’ve followed in a while! dear writer does a brilliant job writing the most perfect humor, heartbreak and smut! aside from the amazing amazing chemistry bw jimin and oc, i love every other element of the fic thoroughly as well - from hobi’s friendship w oc, tae’s obsession w jimin and oc, the whole lucy thing (ew), dae’s entanglement w you-know-who, jeremy and naomi and even joon!!! <333

∘ gemini - @hamsterclaw | a, d, s, h, f | 18+ this whole au has my entire heart, ugh, especially yoongi’s playboy self and the bond he shares w oc​, contrary to it! this fic, godddd, it hurt so bad but healed so good. the second half of this story, please, we love an oc who can build her life the way she wants to! <3

∘ fwb with jimin - @btssmutgalore​ | s | 18+ dee is a smut connoisseur, her blog’s name says it all, there’s no debate. and this is another masterpiece on her list. the subtle friend’s-sister backstory makes this all the more steamier, and when dom!jimin jumps out? mahhhn, we need some air-conditioning in here! this one is too good! <3

∘ adonis - @xjoonchildx​ | h | pg-16 ana wrote a 3k+ words drabble so she’s my role model now. (: LMAO, this fic is so fkn hilarious, man! i absolutely LOVE mrs. yun - how to be her neighbor, pls??? and as oc asked, who tf is doing recruitment in the city? lolol and the doordash driver giving her a thumbs up at the end? reading this fic felt like i was watching a romcom and i appreciated every second of it! <3

❥ note: that is all i got for now! a total of 14 fics with 9 one-shots, 3 series and 2 drabbles!

as always, there is a strong chance i might have read something but forgotten to save it, in which case i will include it in the next list when i find it again. i really hope all the readers, out there, make use of this list and give all these fics a try and all these wonderful writers some much deserved love! ❤️

[p1nk-syr1nge]

parental mercs?! 🥺 if you want parental merc requests, may i then request dad heavy, dad spy and dad engie headcanons??? 🥺🥺🥺

Mercs being parental towards the reader!!!! This is incredibly self indulgent by the way…

(also apologies for my absence y’all i’m severely mentally unwell rn,, )

Engie

Very doting guy, but just overall really cool and nice to hang out with.

Having a bad day? You can go hang out with him, if you need to talk then he’ll listen all about it and comfort you with a long, warm hug. 

If you don’t want to talk about it, the hug offer is still there. He’ll still try and help you feel better the best he can…

Probably will try and tuck you into bed at night. He does the same with Pyro, and a few other mercs if they ask. A lil goodnight kiss, and wishing you sweet dreams.

Type of dad to teach you everything he knows in life. How to cook, grill, take care of yourself, ‘n all that funky stuff.

While you two were baking cookies, which you had offered to make for fun but didn’t know any recipes so Engie decided to help,you had gotten a glop of flour on your cheek. You were completely oblivious to it.

Almost on instinct he just licked the pad of his thumb and wiped off the gunk. Gross!! How unsanitary.

“UGH, dad…” You complained, without realizing what you called him. Though, all he gave was a kind smile, you can be sure he was wiping a happy tear once you were out of sight.

Heavy

Oh he’s quite protective of you… But tries not to be overbearingly so.

He tends to be firm with you, but he just wants to make sure you’re safe.

Heavy has a tendency of taking care of you like he did with his sisters. Making sure you’re at your best, you’re doing ok, and trying to make you smile.

If he’s comforting you, he will not beat around the bush. What’s the problem, here’s a solution. Although, he’ll hug you and say reassuring things about whatever is making you upset…

Fun to hang around, although he’s often quiet. So if all you’re looking for is peace and tranquility, you can probably find him in the base reading.

A long exhausting day, all you wanted was some quiet. So, looking for heavy, he was peacefully reading a novel that looked familiar, yet you couldn’t quite remember where you saw it from…

Sitting next to him, you made yourself comfortable. After a while, Heavy felt a weight on his side. Looking down to see you’ve fallen asleep…

With a gentle look, he carried you to bed and made sure you were safe and sound.

Spy

Though rather distant, he still has some father instincts left in him.

The type of dad that is constantly fixing your collar, the tag that stick out, etc…

If you go to him for advice he will not sugarcoat it, though will be a bit gentler if you seem visibly upset.

Not great at comforting people, but he’ll hold you and let you cry it out if that’s what you need. Realistically reassuring words and gentle pets on your head.

Will take you to places he thinks you’ll enjoy… maybe an aquarium or a stupidly fancy resturaunt.

Sighing at your antics on instinct, he was trying to be patient, really… But he just got a reservation for a show he was taking you to. You only had an hour to get ready, and you still looked like a mess…

So he was stuck finding a good outfit for you, something fancy enough for the event. You were both digging through your closet to find what items would go together and... oh! This will do nicely.

Smoothing out your collar, and patting your head. There was a proud look and smile upon his face. “You look great, but we are going to be late if you don’t hurry up.”

[justaaveragereader]

I’m Not The Only One // YH Part 2

Three years of marriage have gone down the drain when your husband decided to let not only his eyes but also his hands wander elsewhere. Your mutual friend helps you get payback. Realizing half way through getting even with your husband, that the friend and you are now two sides of the same coin.

“I couldn't stop laughing

No, I just couldn't help myself

See, you messed up my mental health

I was quite unwell.” - Lily Allen

🌹Pair: Yunho x Reader, Husband Woo x Reader

🌹Genre: Angst, Thriller

🌹Word Count: 3.4k

🌹Warnings: Cheating, Emotional Breakdown, Cursing, Suggestive, Blood, Abuse, Manipulation, Mental Instability

🌹Authors Note: Y’all got me sobbing with how much love I received from all of you! I tried not to make any of you wait too long for part 2 so here it is! This is part 2 too I’m Not The Only One // WY! The song I based this fic off of is Smile by Lily Allen. I HIGHLY recommend listening to that song while reading the fic! I threw pieces of her song lyrics into the fic too! Just as a caution I do not view any of the Ateez members in this light. It’s just a fic! I really really hope you enjoy part 2 💗🌹!

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Blinking slowly..his eyes open, wincing at the light that was currently in the room. He slowly raised his head up, sat right across from him was you, smiling while your hands rested on your knees. “Baby I have the worst headache over.” He groans out while attempting to lift his arms to suddenly realize his arms are tied behind his back and he’s strapped down to a chair. He starts struggling to move around, thrashing his body back and forth trying to loosen the rope that was currently holding him to the chair.

“Shhh shhh..relax Woo. Everything is going to be okay.” You say while standing up from your chair and walking towards him slowly, crouching down, hands coming to cup both sides of his face. He looks up at you with a confused look. “Is this…something new you wanted to try..?“ he says with slight hesitation in his voice.

You stand straight from your crouching position, lowering your hands to grip both of his shoulders, looking down upon him. He lets out a slight chuckle “Baby..if this is your attempt at being dominant I’m all for it.” He says while eyeing you up and down. Your smile grows showing off all your teeth..”Oh honey.. you haven’t seen anything yet. The game is just about to start!” You say while turning around to grab the long cloth pieces that were hanging off of the back of your chair, walking over to Wooyoung. “Ooo kinky. You're going to gag me baby?” He says while biting his lip. You crouch down so you are eye level with him.

“Only one of these pieces of cloth is a gag..” You walk slowly behind him..hands running over his shoulders. You put a piece of the cloth in his mouth, tying it tightly around his head. You slightly bend down behind him, wrapping your hands around the longer piece of cloth.“Now we are going to play truth or truth. If you answer honestly with a head nod I’ll reward you but if you lie..you get punished.” You say while staring at the back of his head. “Understand the rules?” He lets out a muffled chuckle and nods.

“Is it true we have been married for three years?” He nods his head. “Good good. You remember. Is it true..that you have known me for over ten years?” He nods once again. You crouch down to his ear “Am I the person you love most in life?” He nods. Letting out a quiet chuckle. “Is it true that you’ve been having an affair...and I want you to answer honestly because if you don't, no reward.” You stay teasingly.

He starts drastically shaking his head no. You click your tongue against your cheek. You suddenly throw the long piece of cloth around his neck and start giving it a secure tug. “Didn’t I say don’t lie? Here you are lying.” You pull on the cloth tighter, beginning to choke him out. “We will try this again.” You spit through gritted teeth loosening your grip on the cloth. Muffled shouts are all you hear echoing through the room. “The night San went to get flowers for his mom, is that what really occurred? And I repeat, answer wisely.”

He shakes his head in a nodding motion. “Two for two with the lies!” You grip the cloth and start choking him hard. He starts thrashing in his seat. You tug on the cloth tighter. “I have all fucking day!” You yell in his ears. Now standing over him, looking down at him , tears are pouring out of his eyes, he’s trying to gasp for air. Just as his eyes start to roll into the back of his head, you let the cloth loosen.

Eyes rolling back to the front. He takes a deep breath as well as he can due to the gag that’s in his mouth constricting his airway. You tilt his head back so he’s looking directly up at you. “We are playing my game…it’ll only get harder from here so I suggest you start playing my game correctly.” You say with a sinister smile on your face. “Now let’s ask another question..the takeout you brought home Friday night..was it good?” You say while staring deeply into his eyes.

He nods his head very slowly. “Good good.” You say while coming around to step in front of him, leaning down “I made your plate extra special. All for you.” You boop him on the nose. “I was worried for a while that you might’ve been able to taste it.” You say nonchalantly with a shrug. He is too afraid to look up into your eyes so he settles on glaring at the floor. “Look at me when I’m speaking to you.” He lifts his gaze to your dark, cold eyes.

You start adjusting the cloth so both ends are in your hands. “I was worried you’d taste the sleeping medicine. Some days I was worried that I had put too much or too little.” You shrug. “But when you stood up to put your dish in the sink, you dropped to the floor.” You chuckle. “Face first right into the floor. You got blood all over it too after I had just cleaned up!” Exhaling..”Thankfully though..I didn’t have to move you down here because if that was the case..I would’ve just kicked you down the stairs and that would’ve created a bigger mess.”

Tears are pouring out of Wooyoung's eyes. His body is hysterically shaking, letting out muffled sobs. You throw your head back, laughing hysterically, doubling over in laughter. He looks at you with disgust, heartbroken by the actions you’ve displayed to him. He can no longer recognize the person he married. It’s like evil has warped your body. You throw one hand on his knee to balance yourself while laughing. Your laughter slowly starts to die down..smacking your lips you tilt your head back and stare at the ceiling.

Catching your breath..”Have I not been good to you? Have I not been loyal? A good partner?” You say while staring at the ceiling. No response, all you hear are his muffled sobs and sniffles. He’s confused as to how you can flip through your emotions so fast. It’s like you're Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde “I gave you all of me..I gave you everything!” You suddenly yell, making Wooyoung flinch, crying even harder. Tilting your head down, looking down upon Wooyoung.

You walk towards your chair, plopping down and rolling your shoulders. “You are so pathetic.” You groan out. “For so long it felt like I was drowning..like I was sitting in a dark room..just caving in on myself. I waited everyday for you to notice..and you never did..my room had no light but yours did tho, didn’t it?” You whisper out. “Look at me.” You whisper..it falls on deaf ears. Unhappy with the no response he gives you. Standing up, screaming out “I said fucking look at me!” Wooyoung's muffled sobs are all that is heard besides your heavy breathing.

He drags his eyes up looking at you with fear. You walk towards him towering over him..”You are beneath me now, anyone who is beneath me will always be below me and I will never let you get the chance to get over on me again.” You grit out..snatching the gag out from his mouth he heaves in a big breath. Crying out loud “Baby..wha-.” You swear everytime he calls you baby it’s like nails on a chalkboard, knowing that you weren’t the only one he was calling baby, your restraint in your mind breaks.

Suddenly letting out a scream of frustration you grab the back of his head, crashing his face down on your knee, hearing a loud crunching noise when his face makes contact with your knee. “Please God, make it stop!” He yells out. You pull his head back again, smashing it into your knee, repeatedly until blood is pouring from his face. You drop your hand out of his hair..while he stutters out a cough.

You realize while looking at his shaking figure, tear stained face, that he has cracked you in so many ways. Mentally you are checked out. The final step of him cracking you, was your sanity..that you know, you can no longer get a grasp of. You know if you were to look in a mirror you wouldn’t be able to recognize yourself. That’s how far gone you are. Thinking these thoughts while hearing Wooyoung cry and scream out for someone to help it makes you shake with rage again. Grabbing a fist full of hair again.

“Go on, Wooyoung cry out for your lover now, cry out to her. Have her come save you!” You say in a mocking tone, hands still tightly wrapped in a fist full of his hair, tilting his head back even more, you are looking down at him. Lowering your mouth to his ear “Go on, call for her.” You spit out slowly. He lets a sob rack through his whole body. “Who baby? I only love you! Please baby, please!” He babbles through sobs.

Your other hand creeps up and wraps around the cloth that was still around his neck, squeezing it hard. “Do you know the things I could do to you my love? The things I could put you through? They wouldn’t even accumulate to what you’ve made me feel. Bask it in Woo. Look at what you’ve made me, what you’ve done to me. Look at the fucking monster you created!” You say while your grip on the cloth gets tighter.

He starts choking..” Baby plea- pl-.” He tries to get out but your grip tightens “STOP CALLING ME BABY!” You scream in his face, gripping the cloth tighter. “The axe forgets but the tree always remembers..” You say out loud to yourself barely above a whisper. Slowly you start to dissociate…all the evil thoughts start to cloud your mind, all the betrayal, heartbreak, and lies that you’ve been told. Hearing him start to gasp loudly snaps you out of your thoughts. His eyes rolling into his skull with a choked out noise, you let go of the cloth. Shoving his head with your index finger “You fucking make me sick.”

All of a sudden you hear the steps creaking. Wooyoung shoots his head up, trying his best to keep his eyes open. “Someone is coming to save me, someone is coming to save me.” He mutters to himself while looking at the door with hopefulness. Eyes wide like saucers when he sees Yunho open the door and walk in the room. “Yunho! Please help.. she’s holding me and and-.” Wooyoung is sputtering out, stumbling so hard over his words he can barely make a coherent sentence.

“What’s going on?” Yunho says while his eyes dart around the room, noticing your heavy breathing and Wooyoungs bloody and bruised face. Eyeing the chair that sat across from Wooyoung, Yunho looks at it, decides to take a seat. Stretching his legs out, throwing his arm over the side of the chair. Fishing out a cigarette from his pocket and lighting one up. “ I said, What's going on?” He says with more bite in his tone. While he locks eyes with Wooyoung.

“What…what are you doing? Get up and help me! Untie me! Do something Yunho! She’s crazy!” Wooyoung exclaims tears slowly filling his eyes once again. Your eyes flicker to Wooyoung, smiling as the tears start to build in his eyes. Yunho takes a drag of his cigarette locking eyes with you across the room. Smiling instantly, he beckons you over with a wave of his finger. “No no.. she’s far from crazy…she’s perfect.” Yunho whispers out.

Slowly waltzing up to him, his eyes rake your body from head to toe. Drinking you in like he is a man who has been stranded on a desert island for years and you are his first chance at fresh water and food. Stopping right in between his legs…he lets out a breath of smoke…you are peering down at him, hovering over his body, he looks up at you like you are his Goddess and this room is your temple as he is here to worship you.

Placing a delicate hand on your waist he turns you around to look at Wooyoung and pulls your hips down so you are seated on his lap. One arm securely wrapping around your waist, rubbing your hip to soothe you as Yunho can tell that you are a bit shaken up.“Are you alright, love?” He said while looking at you concerned.

Wooyoungs eyes grow twice in size, he feels his stomach twist in knots. He cannot believe what he’s seeing right in front of him. You were seated on his once best friends lap. Tears start to fill his eyes again he looks down at the floor, disgusted in what was in his line of view. Tears quickly start to pour out of his eyes, hitting the dirty, cold floor. You lean forward running your hand thru Wooyoungs hair, grabbing a fist full of hair, yanking his head back.

“Look at me when you are crying or I will end you right here.” You say with a sinister smile painted on your face. He slowly picks his head back up. His eyes darted back and forth between you, who was placed on Yunhos lap like it was your throne, and the floor. He lets out a soft sob..”How long?”

”How long what?” You reply with a slight cheerful tone while staring at Wooyoung. “HOW LONG HAVE YOU TWO BEEN A THING?” He screams out, tears now pouring down his face. Yunho carefully removes you from his lap, swiftly reaching out, wrapping his hands around Wooyoungs throat, applying mild pressure, blowing cigarette smoke in his face. “You are going to talk to her like you have some fucking sense or I will make sure you never speak again.” He spits out through gritted teeth.

Squishing Wooyoungs cheeks together causing his mouth to open partially. He’s never seen Yunho look so terrifying in his life. Eyes filled with nothingness, nothing but endless waves of void. He’s seen this look before, it was the same look you were giving him earlier. Wooyoung shakes his head in a nodding motion, choking out for air. Yunho lets go, shoving his head back roughly, he goes back to his seat, pulling you in his lap, you toss your legs over his. Wooyoung coughs heavily, heaving for fresh air.

“Not too shortly after you and Mila started.” You say while twirling your fingers through Yunhos hair. Coming to a halt and tossing a glance Wooyoungs way. You let out a soft chuckle..plucking the cigarette from Yunhos lips, pulling it up to yours to take a puff. “Didn’t think I knew about that did ya?” You say while throwing your legs off of Yunho, crouching down to get eye to eye with Wooyoung. You blow the smoke in his face, just as the smoke clears he sees your menacing smile, eyes just as empty as earlier. Ashing the cigarette on his pants leg. “Open your mouth.”

You say while balancing the cigarette between your lips, squishing his cheeks between your hand causing his lips to part. You grab the cigarette that was balanced between your lips, placing the lit end right on his tongue, putting the cigarette out. He lets out a scream of pain. “I told you earlier that you would get punished if you were lying, not surprised you failed.” Just as you pull back, Wooyoung makes an advance to move his head forward to bite you. Just missing your finger by two inches.

Yunho catches sight of his actions, quickly rising out of his seat, pushing the chair that Wooyoung was sitting in over. Hitting the ground with a hard thud making his vision dance, all Wooyoung sees is Yunho hovering over you, petting your hair and holding you close. He cannot make out exactly what Yunho is whispering in your ear but he knows it must be something to soothe you because your body goes lax in Yunhos hold.

Violently sobbing again “I hate you, I hate you both.” He whimpers out. All of a sudden he feels a heavy weight on his chest, through his blurry vision he sees you with your foot on his chest. Right behind you, towering over you is Yunho sinisterly smiling down at him. Both of you looked like something that escaped from a horror film.

In this very moment he realizes what you and Yunho are. The puppet and the puppet master. “You hate me? Feeling is mutual.” You spit out. Crouching down “I used to light myself on fire for you…keep you warm, lighten up your space when it got dark… you never did that for me tho did you? My fire was burning out and yet you still expected me to remain lit for you.” You say through a whisper.

“See, you messed up my mental health, I was quite unwell. I was so lost back then. But with a little help from our friend I found the light in the tunnel at the end.“ Wooyoung feels his chest cave in all the memories flooding back, the lies he’s told you, how many wrongs he’s done to you, the attention and wandering eye he had elsewhere. His mind also drifts back to when he first noticed that you and Yunho were getting close. All the times he’d cancel and you’d say it was alright you had plans with Yunho.

Never crossing his mind that you two would end up like this. He hears you sniffle, watching your tears drop, he looks at you with your head hung low, as you slowly stand he realizes that you are smiling, those tears you dropped weren’t out of sadness they were of pure amusement. “You both need fucking help, Y/n get away from him! He’s filling your head, get away from him!” He starts to scream through a choked on sob.

Chuckling to yourself, walking backwards til you were resting against Yunhos chest. ” Why would I get away from him Woo? He saved me.” You say through a breathless whisper. Yunho caresses your head slowly. “Did you think everything that was happening to you was by sheer coincidence?” Yunho asks in an amused voice.”Were you that blind? I mean the flat tire?”.

“When you got mugged.” You say with a shrug.

“Mila leaving you was my favorite.” Yunho says with a chuckle in his voice.

“Leaving him..for another man at his law firm was the real kicker.” You and Yunho start hysterically laughing.

“No no the real kicker.. When she told him she was pregnant and it wasn’t even his baby it was his coworkers!” You say with a loud laugh that has you and Yunho wiping tears out of your eyes.

“No, what really got me was him thinking he was going to run off into the sunset with her, leaving me no money and no goodbye letter!” You fall into Yunhos side, both of you hysterically laughing like you’ve been told the funniest joke ever.

“But when everything started happening to you, when we saw what all those things were doing to you..I just couldn’t stop laughing, I just couldn’t help myself….” You say while looking at him, staring what felt like a hole straight through Wooyoung, smiling.

“It did take a lot of time.”

“Loads of planning too!” Yunho says smiling, throwing a glance Woos' way.

“You getting fired at the law firm was pure luck though. We didn’t plan that. That one really did just happen. Oh how I wish me and y/n could’ve taken credit for that.”

Wooyoung looks up at you with eyes as wide as saucers. “That.. that was all..you?” He stutters out. You roll your eyes, slipping out of Yunhos grip, looking down at Wooyoung “Technically..it was all of us.” You say with a sly grin on your face. Looking over your shoulder, seeing Yunho smile at the situation that was currently playing out in front of him. Satisfaction coursing through his veins.

Wooyoung starts hysterically sobbing again, shrieking loudly, shoulders shaking with each breath. “Bu- But why? Why?!” You smirk, hovering over him, you grab his face with your hand, fingernails digging into his cheeks. He slightly jerks his head back, wincing as his head hits the ground with a thud. “Because..when I see you cry, it makes me smile.”

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I honestly love the thriller vibe on Yunho😭👏🏼! I really want to see him play a villain in a drama. I swear he would kill the role! This was so fun to write. I literally had about three or four different versions of part 2. I struggled so hard trying to choose which one I felt would fit the best🤣😭. Are we here for both Y/n and Yunhos villain era? Maybe I’ll post an alternate ending? Due to all the various versions I made of part 2. I really hope you all enjoyed it🌹💗!

DO NOT REPOST OR MODIFY.

Tag list🌹

@starlight-night0

@spiderrenjunfics

@woojoongsbaby

[chewchuck]

AND ANOTHER THING! (IM BACK FOR MORE)

I absolutely picked up on a few things that honestly had me just asking more questions about Chilchuck’s pov. On one hand, I usually love seeing each pov within the chapters, but! on the other, it was very what’s the word… fitting? nicely done. how you handle the showing and telling of the story

My internal dialogue was a lot of “Oh surely this man is not entirely oblivious to dog boy over here.” “Oh he has GOT to be thinking thoughts rn.” So eek! Yes I am so excited about the addition lol

Also I have no idea WHAT they’re put in this stuff, but Dungeon Meshi has just… gotten me in a chokehold. The Chilaios Nation, don’t know what y’all are doing, but it also has me in a chokehold. Scarily dragging me in. I am obsessing I am refreshing my tabs I am unwell I am blessed with a feast fit for a king this is affecting my mental health I need sleep. Anyway, love all the chilaios nation folks <3

listen to me. look me in my eyes. i am gripping you by the shoulders. this is everything to me

because so genuinely while writing the first part, i considered every single aspect of what chikchuck thought about what was going on. what was he feeling what was he thinking etc etc and i while i don’t always think that’s necessarily for a limited pov fic, especially not when it comes to one that boils down to self indulgent smut, like i said *i* knew what he was going through and wanted to try to translate that to the audience with out like. making it so obvious that laios should have picked up on it.

and when trying to convey something subtle like that it’s so easy for it to go completely unnoticed. and honestly i do think i would have been just fine with that actually! bc i never intended to make a second part of this from chilchucks pov!

but the way sooo many people have been like “i am picking up on this” just made me so happy!!! like i said a billion times while writing this i made and am still making this for me first and foremost! it’s self indulgent and all about what *i* want to happen and what makes me happy

but that doesn’t change the fact that i am so overwhelmingly happy that so many other people are enjoying it!! im over the moon about that! and thats a HUGE part of why i got inspired to actually write a chilchuck pov!!!

(and not to curse myself but uhm. based on the current word count compared to the equivalent part of the first part it. well it might end up longer. but shh don’t tell anyone)

BUT YEAH WTF DID RYOKO KUI PUT IN THIS FUCKING SHOW AND WHAT IS IT ABOUT CHILAIOS NATION.

i think it’s crack cocaine

i’m would like to reiterate/make it clear that i made this blog LESS THAN A WEEK AGO. that’s how insane this shit had made me. it’s been less than a week and i’ve made a whole side blog, wrote over 11k of fic, made several friends, joined a discord server and am HAVING THE TIME OF MY LIFE. i am having more fun in this fandom than i can remember having in almost 15 years

sorry this reply got REALLY long but. it just feels good. i’m happy. i’m having fun and im glad there are other people along for the ride who are having fun as well :3

[ticklishfiend]

(if ur confused, im formally ticklishscumbag)

hey everyone. i’m really sorry about just like. abandoning ship 😭 i go MIA for personal reasons very often, but i do love this community and i enjoy writing for it from time to time. however, for the time being, im unfortunately no longer into writing for MHA. i know that’s why i have followers in the first place but it’s just not my cup of tea anymore. however, recently i’ve gotten quite into good omens so i’ll prbly be posting some fics here and there for that.

i’d also really like to apologize for literally going MIA right after i said my prompts were open, that was so fucking stupid of me and i should’ve just said something instead of literally ghosting y’all 😭 that was rlly shitty and i’m sorry. i got very overwhelmed with the prompts and though i tried to write them, i gave up and just stopped posting here altogether bc i felt guilty.

oh and as u can see, ive also rebranded just a lil bit lol. i kept scumbag as the title of this blog in case anyone was confused on who i was, and i’m keeping the masterpost pinned for now but might change it later, still unsure

anyways if i ghost y’all again im sorry lmao i’m very mentally unwell but i promise it’s never anything personal ◦°˚\(*❛‿❛)/˚°◦

[thelovelybitten]

vera's first watch of south park - season 2 (part 2)

apparently tumblr has a character limit so lol here's part 2 of my watch of season 2

EPISODE 8:

Last day of skewl !!!!

They just want fireworks :’(

AYO WENDY PLAYS CLARINET SHE JUST LIKE ME FR

Cartman on French horn !!

Stan, Kenny & Kyle play violin that’s cute !! Will note

They all WEAR SUITS NSGNKNGS SO CUTE

Chef get them fr

EPISODE 9:

Film festival episode !! This is exciting

Wendy popping off at Cartman as usual, she just never misses

Oh so stendy broke up??? Depression

“She’s NOT MY GIRLFRIEND!” Do u want me dead? Yes

Stan get back with Wendy challenge ? Pls i need y’all together

“If she holds his hand in the theatre it will be all over for him” Kyle has never spoke more real words

STENDY MOVIE SCENES <3 LFG

Stan scarred w lesbians whoops

Stan slowly becomes an ally, as previously stated in my s1 post, i will make sure that is so >:(

KYLE SINGING ON THE TOILET KBSBGBDBD

Okay alr the cartman ass screen joke was funny ok i laughed

Not them looking for mr Hankey BYE

AVERAGE CARTMAN TAKING CLOUT…

Stendy back at the movies AAAAAAA

AWWW HE GRABBED HER TISSUE THAT’S SWEET OF STAN <3333

So ur telling me Kyle had a piece of shit in his mouth and there’s photo evidence??? NOT COOL

Style “I’m here for u” ugh they’re besties fr fr

Wendy asks stan to see a movie and immediately abandons Kyle HE’S WHIPPED

But also how dare u Stanley KYLE NEEDED U

OH MY GOD. JWGJBSDBGKJDSBKJSDB STAN IS TRYING TO HOLD HER HAND DURING THE MOVIEEDDJVFJKJKNFV KFV

WaIT IS THAT WHAT HE WAS TRYING TO DO THE WHOLE TIME? HOLD HER HAND?!?!?!?!?!?

I’M mentally unwell

No bc end me I’m CRYING SOBBING THROWING UP

HE TRIES TWICE ????F?E?G?G?F no bc that’s so fucking cute

No bc it’s Stanley “she’s not my girlfriend” marsh to Stanley “this girl is so cute i wanna hold her hand” marsh

OMG SHE GRABS HIS HAND AND THYE HOLD HANDS GFJGDFJKNDFGJKFJKDFVJNK. STOPP IT RN

AAAAA THEY ARE JUST <3333333333333

And… stan vomits, per usual lol

They still hold hands stop it

Wendy: i think I’ve seen this film before but instead she loves the ending <3

God y’all i just love stendy so much

Kyle & Stan friendship secured so sweet

Literally wtf i will never understand the talking piece of shit sorry Kyle

Wendy apologizing to stan abt taking him to the films when I KNOW DEEP DOWN MY SON WAS THRIVING BEING ALONE WITH WENDY

He forgives her wbk wbk

Ain’t no back talk on my ship u fools

THEY ARE HOLDING HANDS AGAIN FDGJKNFDKJNFDGKJFDG pls tell me they’re dating again i need them

Oh my god stendy saved this episode thank you

EPISODE 10:

SO WE STARTING THIS with stan’s mom and sister at the hospital oh i know this gonna b weird

NO NOT CHICKEN POX

Omg stan ur gonna get THE POX FEJNCCKEN

Stan and Kyle’s families are so close !!

Oh and liane <3

DON’T DRAG KENNY YOU DINGOS

“IN THE GHETTOOOOOO” omg the TikTok meme is here SLAY i loved this one haha

EGGO WAFFLES FOR DIN ??? ME TOO BABE

Cartman SHUT UR MOUTH

Oh god Kenny’s family is so chaotic i hate it they deserved better

Kyle and stan have matching sleeping bags AWWWWW

Kenny can’t afford normal dinner food but can clap the lights off???? MAKE IT MAKE SENSE

OFC THEY ALL GET THE POX

GODS AND CLODS ??? LMAO

lol not Sheila making Kyle get the pox bc he’s the golden child that won’t get sick

OMG KYLE IS THE ONLT HEALTHY PERSON LEFT

So i remembered that stan hates hospitals and i can’t imagine what’s going thru his head right now besides being pissed abt hw

THEY JUST STORM INTO HIS BATHROOM WHILE HES NAKEY

KYLE’S PAPER HAHA

I’m actually cackling AT THIS SEQUENCE VNVNKJSDNKJV

NOOOOO NOT KYLE

EPISODE 11:

Garrison RELAX

Cartman is perfect for the cheesy poofs comm

Creepy girl….

Omg this poor deranged kiddo :(

FOOTLOOSE a BOP

KYLE ATE THAT HAIKU

ALSO KENNY !!!! SLAY

Kyle is eating these haikus ugh as he should

HYPNOSIS.

Eric kinda popped off

Mackey OMG U DID NOT

My throat hurts >:(

Haha CHEESY POOF

Eric’s one second of fame— relatable

The one time Eric slayed werk

EPISODE 12:

Okay ngl, if this is the episode i think it is, imma pass away

I’ve seen clips on TikTok ok

Omg THE KIDS PLAYING MILITARY OMG CDSNJDIJ

Kenny PLS JNCJDNJKNS

WENDY AND BEBE

“Kyle, doesn’t bebe look pretty today?” Omg it’s KYBE TIME

It’s the way i stan stendy, style, kybe, bendy and stendyle all at once I AM WINNINGGGG

Stendy walks away from Kyle and bebe omg omg

KYLE PUTS HIS ARMS AROUND HIS BACK U KNOW BEBE A STUNNER SHE’S A DAME

Wendy the nations’ KYBE leader, stan the second in command

Stan: no

TRUTH OR DARE LOL

BEBE.

All bebe sees is cake. That’s it. Kyle’s cake. Living, breathing legend.

Wendy setting them up AW

Stan: WE NEED TO MAKE A CLUB HOUSE STAT

Kyle: ?!?!?!?!?

Rare Cartman & Kenny duo things

SHARON MOTHER RELAX

OMG BEBE PASSING A NOTE FDSKBFSDKJGB

DSKJBDSGKJBSGBDKSDK STYLE CONTENT LMAOOOO

But AYO bebe really likes Kyle’s booTAY

The PARENTS ARE FIGHTINNN

Bebe: AYO Kyle LET’S SEE THAT ASSSSS

Kyle: aight?

“I WANNA BE DARED TO KISS HER” STAN OMG DSJNFDSJBGSKD i love stendy crumbs YES

What THE FUCK NOT SHARON & RANDY DIVORCING FSBJKSGDJKGDSDKBJ NO

WHO THE FUCK IS ROY

Get the FUCK OUTTA HERE BRO

Stan was too stunned to speak

Wtf is HAPPENING ?!?!?! Poor Stanley

Stan preaching to the CHOIR

TRUTH OR DARE

The boys are SHAKING

Wendy slayed okay Kyle PUCKER UP

I HC WHEN THEY OLDER THAT BEBE IS A GOOD KISSER and tbh so is Kyle but the first few times Kyle is all tongue and no lip— nasty bro

Kyle will never take a chance to let cartman win that’s just fact

AAAA KYBE

Kyle: AAA

Omg dude it’s ur first kiss relax

“Fucking sickening” but make it with the rupaul YASSIFICATION

Stan: looks intensely at Wendy’s lips

OLDER!HC: stan is like. addicted to Wendy’s lips. All he wants to do is show his affection ALL THE TIME but is also shy abt it??? LMAO

Stan: Dare RIZZ

ROY FUCK OFF

GOD DAMMIT ROY U FUCKED IT UP

Omg kybe okay please let this be good

BEBE GIRL Y’ALL WEREN’T EVEN DATING

LMAOOONSDFNSD

Kyle is flabbergasted

OFC she hooks up with Clyde right after BRUH

But i also like Clybe so it’s okay

Omg STAN NOT THE BEAR TRAP DON’T GET HIM IN THE BEAR TRAP

Alas, OFC Sharon and randy stay strong go get ur dick girl

“CLUBHOUSES ARE MAGICAL” —stan marsh, as his parents are fucking in the clubhouse he built

EXCUSE ME BEBE WHAT THE FUCK

I hope he didn’t do it omg

EPISODE 13:

What the hell

Kyle beating cartman is my favourite

“THESE ARE MY FUCKING FOOD STAMPS, HOW AM I GONNA EAT WITHOUT THESE FOOD STAMPS?” — KENNY MCCORMICK

Kyle threatening Cartman so true bestie

Oh god this is gonna fucking suck

Cartman being flung OUCH

WHEN CARTMAN HITS THE SNOW AAA

excuse me? not the prostitute

this is bad broken vietnamese UGH

CARTMAN.

kenny robbed

stan and kyle playing with the dolls is so wholesome <3

EPISODE 14:

why didn't I know kyle's dad was a lawyer? interesting

little german dance

WAIT STENDY IS DATING AGAIN DFSJBGSBJKGSDKBJ

"hey, elton, if I give you these lyrics, will you write a song for my GIRLFRIEND wendy?"

DEAD

he wants to gift her a song NO ONE SPEAK TO ME

not me actually tearing up irl THIS IS EMBARASSING

but no fr stan is WHIPPED I love that for him

chef hoeing out with kyle's mom??? huh

NOT MISS CRAB TREE. chef rly do be desperate

Mr mackey crowd surfing ended me LMAOO

elton SINGING THE SONG STAN WANTED HIM TO WRITE FOR WENDY :')

WENDY LOOKING AT STAN ugh the fluff they exude

CHEWBACCA

EPISODE 15:

UGH THIS BORDER MAKES ME WANNA FIGHT A BITCH

uhm... this is sus cartman

oh this is a Halloween ep cool

oh WAIT I'VE SEEN THIS ONE ON TIKTOK TOO

creepy murder fish

"hella"

god my paranoia could NEVER

POOR KENNY HIS ROOF IS LEAKY :(

JESUS christ that goldfish scares me

NOT KILL

not the slap from shelly oml HAHA

stan- OMG NOT THE DEAD PERSON

"mommy's little angel" correct, my son is babie

not the SQUASH DFSKJBDSKBDSKB

cartman on some shit rn omg

WHAT THE FUCK TWO CARTMANS

cartman using aunt flo as a massage chair cackles a lil

sharon not giving a single fuck about randy's accusations

oh no not stan and kyle's alts

EPISODE 16:

stan gets told not to go: goes anyway

kenny riding shotgun and not giving a RAT'S ASS until money is thrown

god i'd die if I had to listen to singing for 6 hours

liane is just. so cool ok

kyle: AAAA

EYE- stan that's not cool bad noodle

EW I FEEL BACK FOR KYLE

kenny hoarding food HA

charles: how would u like to come with me to another secluded part of the mall?

kenny: ok

don't mess w kyle brofloski period

kyle: still mad abt mr.hankey

they all getting shot at but kyle has PRIORITIES

SHARON LMFNNKSDFB GET HIM

stan: sorry

HAHAHAH

EPISODE 17:

TWEEEKKKKKK OMG HIS FIRST APPEARANCE AND LINES <3

my deranged son <3 ily tweek

omg tweek's family runs a coffee shop <3 so cute

tweek he's so cute with his little gnome story

oh shit 8 year olds w coffee

THIS IS GONNA BE PSYCHO

OH GOD LMAOOO

Cartman sleeping in his puke yikes

oh he has ADD :'( little bean

Cartman slayed this time haha

Working w the underwear gnomes haha

Side not: my cats are finally sleeping on the same bed and not killing each other <3

OMG Y’ALL HAHAHAHA

EPISODE 18: (SEASON FINALE)

Is this an impersonation of Owen Wilson ??? LMAO

KyLE Y’ALL ARE 8 NO

The WAY STAN CIRCLES DOWN INTO THE CAVE DSJNFJKSDNG HE’S SO CUTE

And there’s the vomit

I’m starting to wonder if Stan has bad motion sickness or he just has a shit immune system

Cartman referencing my favourite movie of all time??? That was iconic of him. grease is MY FAVOURITE MOVIE <333333333

Style fighting >:(

Cartman so true abt style fighting

1999 ??? My birth year??? Epic

“ASSMASTER”

NO OH MY GOD STYLE Y’ALL ARE IN YOUR DIVORCE ERA

Nah bc they are such good friends they better get back together at the end of the episode

When Kyle doesn’t finish Stan’s line abt Kenny… u KNOW THEY FIGHTINGG

THE girlies ARE FIGHTING THEY IN THEIR WWE ARC

Larry u tell ‘em

Overall, season 2 better than season 1, 8/10

[cassandralexxx]

Words to create line the under text feature (ie ignore this post unless you want to be assailed with negative vibes)

ok so like i should definitely leave the gc and maybe contact them so that I stop receiving messages about that one church group. Like I just got another email and since like confidentiality the subject line/sender is no longer the name of the church group and is instead just our city name I opened it and like jump scare fr. Like my heart drops and I feel bad every time. like i DONT want to be part of this I’ve confirmed it mentally through self reflection and a lot of internal thought. But they don’t know that. So I can’t blame them for me still getting their stuff. Like I haven’t even officially left the gc k just like muted the slack and changed my settings to always say that I’m away. Like dang it stresses me out seeing it. Like as I always go over I’m still within my faith I just really don’t want to be part of the group like it did make me more sad about myself and that matters to me. It matters the way I view an unchangeable aspect of myself. Anyways yeah those church group people are so lovely like I care for them deeply but I won’t be pulling up to their social or anything. Idk what I’d say if they do reach out to me though. Like idk if I’ll take the oh I’m taking 18 credits and am busy route or if I’ll be honest and be like while y’all are lovely and I’m still Catholic I want to distance myself from this ministry specifically, like I want to be involved in the church community just not this part of it. I hope y’all get that. But then like I can’t explain that it’s for I’m accepting myself reasons and not I’m shunning myself reasons. Like man it’s all so complex and maybe it won’t even come to fruition. But I think it will bc they know me and I’ve attended like two of their birthday parties so it’s not like they don’t know me. They know me so deeply and I don’t want to be known in that way. I think about the way one of the leaders would look at me when I would share my experiences and it’s so deep and personal and I can still feel it now. It is like feeling like being flayed alive ghat level of vulnerability; you can see all of me. I keep going back to “I’ll never be married in the eyes of my God” but that’s not the end all be all And i need to accept that. It’s something I’ve sctively been working on. I had a discussion with my fellow lesbian friend the other day and I mentioned the tie thing I’ve talked about before about me dad and she responded well maybe you can tie your girlfriends tie. And in moment I just said yeah in a sad voice but isn’t that what I want,, kinda of yeah. Like idek where I was going with this but also I do. Anyways wall of text of my inner thoughts bc when do I not. Anyways yeah board game Social email had me feeling unwell this fine Monday evening.

[bari-saxxy]

:3

[yesimwriting]

To Be Alone

VAGUE SPOILER WARNING FOR SHADOW AND BONE BOOK SERIES-- I try hard not to mention why the Darkling/General Kirigan is the bad guy so that I don’t spoil anything,, but the reader finds out that he lies about his identity and that he’s super sketchy/not a good guy (again,, I avoided as many specifics as possible to keep it from being spoiler-y)

Warnings: lowkey manipulation, kissing/makeout, slight fingering

A/n y’all drove me to this lol,, pls be nice!! This is the closest to full on smut I’ve ever written!! Ahh I’m lowkey scared to post

Summary: the reader finds out something about the Darkling/General Kirigan, he finds a way to convince her to stay 

--

No amount of evidence will ever be enough to convince me fully. A part of me will always hold onto unjustifiable doubt because a part of me hopes that if I hold onto the lies tight enough they’ll turn into the truth. But that’s not how the world works. 

General Kirigan. Ravka put its faith in him. I put my faith in him. I did more than that. I pushed aside my reservations and doubt in order to try and comfort him when he spoke of loneliness. Was all that a lie as well? 

No. I can’t afford to think of the emotional side of it all, because if I do I may find myself incapable of moving from this spot. I don’t have time to reflect on it all, to try and unravel hopeful lies and manipulative truths. That can be done when I’m not here. If I stay here, he’ll know I know and he’ll stop me from...what? What am I supposed to do next? I could find someone with some level of power to warn. 

“There you are.” Kirigan. I’m turned towards the window, not facing him, but there is no weariness or malice in his voice. He has no reason to suspect my suspicion. “Are you unwell?” 

Calm. I need to pass as calm. Not turning, I force myself to ignore the endearing hint of concern in his voice. “No.” I can hear his measured footsteps. “Why would you think that?” 

“I haven’t seen you all day,” he’s directly behind me now. If I turn, I’ll practically be against his chest. “And you didn’t come see me last night.” 

Oh. I knew it was a mistake to begin to pull on such a small thread so close to when he expected to see me, but it kept gnawing on me. That doubt. That tiny thing I couldn’t ever let go off. “I fell asleep.” No--I cringe at my impulsive response. He knows how difficult it is for me to fall asleep. “Yesterday was just really...draining.” 

In an easy movement, he places his hand on my shoulder. It’s a silent request for me to turn. Exhaling, I obey. Why? I could lie to myself and say that I’m listening to him in order to kill his suspicions, but the effect he has on me is undeniable. Even before touching each other became a casual thing on his part, my body wanted to react to him. 

He’s quick to cup my face, tilting my chin up slightly so that I can’t avoid his gaze. “What troubles you, little dove?” A nickname for when he’s feeling particularly gentle. Thoughts of the evil he has to be twist my stomach as my face flushes. Kirigan’s thumb brushes over the corner of my bottom lip, stalling as I fight the urge to melt into the contact. I meet his tense gaze cautiously. “You said nothing could make you look at me differently.” No. There’s no way he figured out my change with one look alone. I’ll deny it. I’ll do what I need to do to be convincing, and then I’ll manage to escape. His grip on my shoulder tightens. “Don’t you dare lie to me again.” 

The urge to snap and point out the sick irony of him telling me not to lie at him almost forces me to break. His gaze starts to shift away from me--towards the half packed escape bag I’d been in the middle of constructing. I stretch my arms forward, desperate to keep his gaze on me and away from what I can’t explain. 

Kirigan’s free hand moves to pull my hand off of his cheek, but he pauses, eyes shutting in peaceful contentment. “What do you know?” 

I expected his words to be angry, to border on violent...but he just sounds tired. Please, Saints, let me be wrong. “Is there anything to know?” The only reaction I get is the slightest stall of his breathing. “You said you didn’t want to be alone anymo--” 

“I don’t.” The harshness of his words almost coax a small flinch from me. 

Swallowing back the knot in my stomach, I exhale slowly. “A part of not being alone is being honest.” 

His eyes finally open. I don’t dare move as he moves my hand off of his cheek so that he can brush his lips against my knuckles. I suppress an embarrassing shudder. “You wouldn’t have stayed--if you knew you wouldn’t ha--” 

No denial. I can’t--I can’t do this. “You know what the worst part is?” I can’t believe I’m about to say this. I can’t believe it’s true. “I might have.” Those words break something in me as I force myself away from him. The lack of contact leaves me more frozen than ever. “I might have! I might have been able to bear all the monstrous things you’ve done if you had just--” 

“What?!” He meets my outburst with one of equal power. “You might have stayed regardless?” The way he scoffs leaves me feeling like a wandering child. “You might have still looked at me like I hung the stars in the sky instead of like I’m the darkness they fight against?” I stay silent as he steps forward, quick to hold my chin in place with his long fingers. “I couldn’t risk you on possibility.” Kirigan’s gaze is so intense, a part of me is surprised that shadows don’t come at me--drowning me in darkness and him. “And don’t think me foolish enough to believe that someone like you would understand that I have to do what I’m doing--” 

“Have to?” No--how did I almost let him lure me back in so easily. I pull myself away, approaching my open wardrobe. “That’s not past tense.” He’s still--he’s still actively hurting people. Why had I been so stupidly naive to think that maybe this was all history? “I--I can’t do this.” 

Each step towards the exit of the room chips away at a piece of my soul. “You’re not walking away from me,” his strong grip is on my arm in a sharp instinct, “I won’t--I can’t be alone again.” 

I swallow back the lump of emotion in my throat. “You already are.” 

His eyes are pleading, pools of frightened adoration. “No--no,” he steps towards me, not releasing his grip on my arm, “You’re hurt that I lied, but now I’ll never have to lie to you again.” I push against his grip. Kirigan doesn’t release me. “Y/n,” my name is a lament from his lips, “Please.” 

My eyes round out as my heart leaps into my chest. “I used to think that you were only touched by the darkness, but now I’m not sure you can tell where the darkness ends and you begin.” His grip just barely falters. Maybe it’s acceptance. 

I shift weakly, a softer attempt to escape. His grip tightens even more than before as he tugs me forward. The reminder of his physical strength leaves me frozen in shock. I can’t read his expression, but something about him has darkened. When I don’t pull away again, his thumb brushes up and down my forearm. The silkiness of his touch is warm temptation. I inhale slowly as he moves his other arm in order to touch my shoulder. The contact is almost shy. 

“Kirigan,” my voice betrays me, breaking as his fingers trace down my collar, “What--what are you doing?” 

He tilts his head, taking in the way his touch rids my body of fight. “Nothing, really.” His voice is low, supple in its assuredness. “You’re the only person who has ever seen me--and for you to leave me after that.” 

“No,” I try to step back, but my body freezes as he toys with the collar of my dress, “What I saw--what I found out--that wasn’t you.” 

“It’s who I have to make myself be,” he whispers, “I’m doing what needs to be done.” 

“That logic can earn you a lot,” my words are careful, “But it cannot earn you me.” 

His hand brushes past my neck, finding the root of my hair. Kirigan pulls on it slightly, forcing me to expose my lower jaw and neck. I’m still as he leans forward, warm breath fanning across my skin. I fight against a shiver in vain as his lips brush down my skin, only stopping as he nips the base of my neck. I can’t help the small sound of surprise that escapes me. 

“Are you sure about that?” Blood rushes to my face, motivated by both embarrassment and something else. “Little dove, don’t ruin us.” His touch is warm, but his words leave me with an uncomfortable chill. In an attempt to escape the coldness, I half-press myself into the trail of soft and desperate kisses he’s leaving down my neck.

Kirigan pauses, exhaling slowly, and I feel some mental strength return to me. “There can’t be an us--not like this.” 

“Y/n.” He never uses my name. “You are the only light I know.” His words steal something from me as he pulls away enough to look me in the eyes. “I can’t handle the weight of solitude anymore--it’s worse than the dark.”

 I am unflinching, watching him with a markman’s care. Kirigan takes my silence as a positive. I don’t move as his gaze drops to my lips before he presses his own together. I don’t move as he destroys the distance between us like it’s some type of unbearable weight. His lips meet mine with enough force to bruise my face. The surprise of it gives him the chance to coax my lips into parting as his hands move to either side of my face. My body reacts without my permission, letting him deepen the kiss. Every time I find some kind of free will, Kirigan pushes it away with some kind of tactful lull of his tongue. Keeping his control, Kirigan ends the kiss by grazing sharp teeth against my bottom lip. 

I’m left panting. “You’re--you lied, Kirigan--I--” 

“You told me once you could never see me as a monster.”

“I said that to a version of you that technically doesn’t exist.” 

The grief in my chest and desire in my stomach twist in a nauseating way. Kirigan’s eyes watch me patiently, a pain similar to my own reflected in them. “Who I am when I’m with you is less fictitious than any identity I’ve ever given myself.”

The vulnerability in his voice is as alluring and distracting as the kiss. I find myself thinking of the warmth of his mouth against my skin. He had kissed me like the cure for ancient solitude could come from me. I think he had a point, because now that he’s not touching me in that way I feel the familiar tugs of cold emptiness. 

“I don’t understa--” My words are cut off by his lips brushing against mine. 

His touch is soft, but it’s far from shy as he draws out the kiss. It’s an attempt to keep me on edge, to keep me wanting him enough to push past my doubts. “Y/n,” there’s a reverent quality to his voice, “I--” Kirigan grabs the collar of my dress, pulling me to him sharply. His kiss conveys things that neither of us truly understand. “Don’t go.” 

I don’t want to. The realization is a cruel wave crashing against my chest. “You lie to everyone, you lie to me--you--you hurt and destroy and I--” One of his hands brushes against the hem of my dress. “What are you,” the words are supposed to be sharp, but my resolve melts as his hand presses firmly against my thigh, “Doing?” 

“You know me,” he draws out each word as his fingers graze towards the inside of my thighs. The cool metal of his rings are practically ice against my flushed skin. “Little dove, trust me.” 

My nails dig into my palms as I try to ignore what he’s doing. “I did and you betrayed me.” 

“I couldn’t lose you,” he whispers, thumb inching up my inner thigh.

I press my lips together, fighting against a natural reaction. “You did lose me.” 

Kirigan’s eyes darken as his grip on my thigh tightens. “We’ll move past this.” He’s both pleading and assured. “I think I know how to make it up to you.” He trails his hand up my thigh swiftly, stopping with his hand on my lower hip. Shamelessly, he toys with the hem of my underwear. “The only thing that’s really changed is that now I’m touching you like this.” 

The only thing I can do is gape at him. He’s a villain, his hands are coated in unnecessarily spilled blood, and I am helpless against his slightest touch. I should try pushing him away or at the very least resist his blatant advantages. His fingers brush down my underwear, stopping at a growing wet spot. The knowing look he gives me burns my core. I try to keep my expression hard in a final form of protest, but when he presses his pointer finger against me all the resolve in me is shattered. 

My eyebrows draw together as a small sound escapes me, “Kirigan.” I can’t tell if it’s praise or a warning. 

He pauses, hand retracting slightly at my whining. “Y/n,” his other hand cups my cheek. I lean into the contact without permission from my body. “There is only one name that I have not given myself and only one name I want to hear you breathe like that.” His thumb traces my lips softly. I don’t move as he leans forward, turning his lips towards my ear. 

“Aleksander.” His name is nothing more than a breath, a stolen heartbeat on his lips. 

He presses his fingers against where I’m the weakest again. My hips grind forward instinctually, desperate for more contact as he kisses the top of my jaw. 

“Aleksander.” The name escapes me in the form of a broken moan. Speaking it feels more intimate than the way he’s touching me. 

There’s the slightest pause in his consuming actions. “Again,” he breathes, “Say my name again.” His request is so soft it feels like he’s more at my mercy than I am at his. 

My eyes shut as his teeth graze my neck. “Aleksander.” At the sound of his name, his teeth brush against my skin harder than ever. 

When he starts to pull away, I reach out desperately, grabbing his kefta. “I thought you wanted to leave, little dove.” 

No. No. He is not going to get me to agree to stay by giving me something as intimate as his original name and by denying me his touch. “Please.” 

He reaches for my hand, pulling it off of him cruelly. “Do you want to stay with me?” 

I know which answer will get me what I really want, but I’m not sure which answer is true. Do I want to stay with him? Even after knowing what he’s done? “I don’t want to leave you.” The vulnerability of the statement cracks at my heart. He turns away from me in order to face the wall. I take a tentative step towards. “But I’m not sure what I want matters.” 

In one quick motion, he’s yanking more forward and pressing me into the wall. “Of course desire matters,” his body is pressed against mine almost entirely, “It means something.” He brushes his knuckles against my cheek. “It means you could choose me.” 

What could I say to that? I part my lips to speak but he silences me by pressing his lips against my jaw. I offer no protest as he starts touching me the way he did earlier. I’m more desperate now, more needy and okay with that. His fingers slip past my underwear testingly, hesitating before finally entering me slowly. 

“Aleksander,” my voice is so needy I’m not sure it’s my own. 

“I want you to say my name like that again,” he whispers, kissing down my collarbone as he begins to press his fingers in and out of me faster, “And I want you to say my name casually,” his pace doesn’t slow, even when I begin to let out indistinguishable whines, “And I want you to say my name while you’re falling asleep,” his touch becomes more aggressive as his words become more sincere, “And I want you to say my name every other way there is to say it.” 

The bundle of nerves in the pit of my stomach grows until there’s nothing else for me to hold onto. I finish with a sharp gasp. The feeling of euphoria is only intensified as Aleksander begins to kiss up my jaw before finally pressing our lips together. 

I break the kiss first, desperate to breathe. Have my legs been so shaky this entire time? Aleksander lets me recover, resting his head against my forehead. “I’m tired of being alone.” 

I imagine all the foul acts he’s committed and all the bad he wants to bring. I picture all the innocent blood he’s spilled. I see all of it--every horror and dark deed he’s ever committed. But I cannot see me leaving him. Maybe that makes me a monster, maybe that makes me an idiot...but I can’t do it. 

Slowly, I move to drape my arms over his back in a loose hug. “You’re not alone, Aleksander.” I’m not sure what that signifies, but I know it’s true. There has to be good in him. No one capable of such warmth can be pure evil. “I choose you.” 

[yumgrapejuice]

An analysis on Ranboo’s lore playlist

okay y’all first of all, ranboo has a killer taste, i love him, and second, i couldn’t resist. i’m an analyst by nature. am i looking too deep into some things? did ranboo maybe choose some songs purely for the vibe? perhaps. do i care? no. let me have my fun.

I’m gonna drop my own analysis/interpretation based on these songs but feel free do use this yourself if you want!! And also feel free to disagree/correct me on anything!! I’m not a professional musical analyst lol and I did take some inspiration from already existing interpretations for the more lyrical songs.

here’s the playlist btw

“Introduction to the Snow”—introduction to the album. Fitting for the playlist’s beginning, seeing the tone. It’s mostly referencing (self-imposed) isolation.

“Dream Sweet in Sea Major”—this Miracle Music’s whole album is about dreams and reality, how they clash, loneliness and the wish to be close to someone, yet still remaining isolated. Very whimsical, metaphorical, melodic, and it has this vibe as if on the edge of consciousness. I’d say it fits quite well with c!Ranboo’s general vibe. This song in particular deals with sleepwalking(ha)/being in a dreamlike state, the line between what’s real and what’s not blurred.

“The Mind Electric”—oh this one fits Ranboo extremely well. First part is in reverse, the second in normal (mirroring), and it can get quite unsettling. Like you’re not sure what’s happening with the instrumentals, many different voices. Again, very metaphorical, but to put it shortly, the protagonist is being judged for a crime they’ve committed and, in their defence, they say: “Father, your honor, may I explain, my brain has claimed its glory over me; I’ve a good heart albeit insane”. They get “condemned to the infirmary” for that, where electric shock is used on them as a form of “therapy”. As a result, the protagonist loses grip on reality and themselves and truly does go insane. They beg for mercy and sympathy, but there’s no one to help them. “Someone help me; Understand what's going on inside my mind; Doctor I can't tell if I'm not me”—need I say more, really?

“Live and Let Die”—the phrase “live and let die” means to live your life how you wish and let others live how they wish without interfering. At first, you live by the phrase “live and let live”, meaning you have your ideals and you try to change the lives of others according to them, but as life progresses, you stop caring as much/try to distance yourself from others’ business.

“Turn the Lights Off”—dreams and nightmares. Mildly foreboding yet energetic. The actual meaning is about growing up (transition from childhood to adulthood), but we can take some other interpretations that’d fit with Ranboo’s character better. This Tally Hall’s album deals with differences, black and white, and how there shouldn’t be a divide between them. In this song, there are some noteworthy lines that I’d like to mention:

- “Bend the nightmare, you control it; Artful dodger, easy does it”—lucid dreaming, you have to be careful with it so as to not lose control.

- “Shut the closet, get under the covers”—you’re afraid of something and instead of facing it and seeing whether there even is something to be afraid of, you hide.

- “Turn the lights off”—confront your fears. It can also mean that in the dark, there’s no differences between people, going back to the album’s meaning.

- “And everybody wants to get evil tonight; But all good devils masquerade under the light”—this could mean that everyone has a darker part of themselves but those who actually indulge in their dark tendencies do so in plain sight by pretending to be someone else.

“Ruler of Everything”—the main theme here is time and how it’s the “ruler of everything”; time doesn’t matter about where it goes, and it will never stop. The second verse is most interesting to me—there are two singers, man and time, but for the sake of interpretation let’s just see it as two voices. One is obsessed about being liked, fitting in, constantly asking for reaffirmation (“Do you like how I walk? Do you like how I talk?”), while the second criticizes the first (“You practice your mannerisms into the wall”). They argue—”I’ve been you, I know you, your facade is scam; You know you’re making me cry, this is the way that I am”. The second is calling out the first for not being honest to himself. Tone is lighthearted but with an edge of unease.

“Merry-Go-Round of Life”—from Howl’s Moving Castle soundtrack. The title’s self-explanatory, I’d say.

“Killer Queen”—this one’s a harder one to interpret in regards to Ranboo lol. The song is about, based on an interview with Mercury, a high class woman that likes to indulge in her various desires (mostly sexual). I would doubt that’s what Ranboo was going for, so! Perhaps about a person that has no regards for their reputation and instead does whatever they feel like it? They have a certain image but still act however they like. Yeah, not too sure about this one :’) But that’s what I’ll go with for my later analysis.

“Ain’t No Rest for the Wicked”—quite straightforward. A person that performs bad deeds has reasons for them. Not excuses, but explanations, and you can sympathize with it. We all do “bad” things for one reason or the other, and, in the end, we’re all just trying to get by. Once again, plays into the theme of there not being a clear distinction between good and bad.

“The Bidding”—another harder one to interpret. On the surface, it’s about an auction where men are trying to sell themselves to women. They all present themselves in different images, and it’s remarked that the women care less about the date and more about the prospect of it, the pretty words. The date, actually, ends up being disappointing. Could be about expectations. Some men outright admit they’re assholes so whoever chooses them should know that. People can tell you what their intentions are from the start so if you end up hurt, you have no one else to blame but yourself.

“A Mask of My Own Face”—another interesting one! Unusual instruments, strong beat. They’re singing about how they have a desire to pretend to be someone else while secretly still being themselves. “I’d rob my own apartment and I wouldn’t give a damn; I’d blame it on the person that nobody knows I am”—implying they have no regard for their own livelihood and are just out to have some fun. Plus, that no one would be aware it’s all an act. “I'd wear it on Thanksgiving and I'd laugh in the parade; At all the people hissing, knowing I'm the one they hate”—they take delight in the idea of upsetting others and them not knowing it’s actually the singer that they should be hissing. “And at the big finale I would tear my face away; And smile as they grip their own and try to do the same”—everyone wears masks, and this person implies that their mask and their true self is not different from each other while others’ are.

“Stardust Crusaders”—soundtrack from Jojo. Action-packed? idk never seen it sorry lol

“I Can’t Decide”—oh, this one’s a doozy! One of the ones that do not fit c!Ranboo at all, but that’s what makes it interesting. A classic, the singer is out to have fun, very lighthearted and yet they’re singing about murder. The protagonist here is clearly mentally unwell and they’re indecisive whether they should let their enemy/toy/(up to interpretation) live or not. Some curious lines:

- “It’s not easy having yourself a good time”—in the context of the song, that “good time” implies something wicked.

- “I’m not a gangster tonight, don’t wanna be the bad guy, I’m just a loner, baby, and now you’ve got in my way”—they don’t view themselves as “bad”, however, the next two lines are paradoxal—the singer says they’re alone and yet decide to “mess around” with whoever comes up in their life.

- “No wonder why my heart feels dead inside, it’s hard and cold and petrified”—signifying lack of empathy.

- “It’s a bitch convincing people to like you”—they don’t actually want to do that and see it as a bother.

“Stranded Lullaby”—back to Miracle Musical, back to the theme of isolation. Super lyrical, super musical. They talk about how their memories float around aimlessly in their head, a sea, and may sometimes get lost. The protagonist, a sailor, is losing touch with reality and can’t tell apart what’s a dream anymore and what’s not. They question what they’re going through and why.

“Hidden In The Sand”—a song about longing, in my eyes. The protagonist sings about how “you” love things and how he wishes to love the same things, in the end admitting that “all I’ve wanted was you”. They don’t wish to be separated, they wish to have someone in their life that they could love.

“Now I’m Here”—euphoric. They sing about how they’re alive again, thanks to one specific person. I’m not gonna go too much into this one (partly because it’s a more difficult one for me again, partly because it’s Queen and I don’t wanna uhh talk nonsense on accident lol), but what I got from it is that when one one else saw them, someone did, and they made them “live again”, and now as a result the protagonist is devoted to them.

“&”—really highlights Tally Hall’s album’s theme of black and white and that there shouldn’t be a divide. The repetition of comparing opposites is present throughout the entire song (Weak & Strong & Wet & Dry…) and it’s heavily implied we should “say goodnight” to this mindset. But people love to choose sides, put things into good or bad categories. By the line “They took a lesson from their fathers” it’s implied that people don’t develop this mindset by themselves and are rather influenced by others around them. The whole album is titled “Good & Evil” and Tally Hall examines and criticizes this idea. If we keep dividing people into good and bad, eventually, we’ll all destroy ourselves.

“I’m Gonna Win”—a song about someone who’s struggling to get by. “Sometimes it can seem like a merciless dream”—life can get really hard and the protagonist wonders “what’s really worthwhile”. In the chorus, whoever, they declare that they’re “gonna win” no matter what. They might get “bloody and bruised” but they won’t give up until they “won’t be abused” and until they’re “laughing alone”. No matter how hard life/others kick them down, they’ll keep going. By the lines “It’s hard to be charming and smart and disarming; It’s hard to pretend you’re the best; It’s hard to fulfill everyone’s expectations; It’s hard to keep up with the rest” it’s implied that they find it tiresome to keep up appearances and be liked. It’s challenging to always fit everyone’s expectations, but they’ll continue doing whatever they have to to “win”.

if ranboo ever adds more songs to his playlist, i may add them here too :) 

[davids-cartoon-corkboard]

Do you think that if Shredder!Raph will occur in rottmnt, the aftermath might result in Raph inheriting some of Shredder’s rage even after saved? Maybe that is how the crew is going to implement Raph’s trademark temper throughout previous generations and maybe even make him have to step down due to it, making Leo the new leader?

Short answer: “Inheriting the rage of a centuries-old demon" is a dope-ass idea, so if you’re a writer I would definitely encourage you to use that in your own stuff. But I think that if Raph’s temper worsens throughout the show, it should be because of his own character development and not a magical effect. However, a Shredder!Raph scenario could contribute to said worsening temper by inflicting emotional/psychological damage instead. :)

Long answer ahoy!

Looking at “Many Unhappy Returns” from the Shredder’s perspective makes it very clear why he does what he does. Like, he’s been dead for five hundred years, and then something went wrong with his resurrection. He’s waking up with no idea where he is or what’s going on and oh shit those guys are pointing weapons at him, that’s a threat!

Note that he doesn’t even bolt for them immediately, he does a warning stomp and screech (back off!) before starting to approach.

Those other guys are yelling, that’s also a threat,

and they’re closer so he’s gonna attack them first, actually. (None of the Foot wind up even comically injured, suggesting that flailing them around was an intimidation tactic rather than genuine Murderous Intent.)

And then the first group attacks, so of course he’s going to retaliate.

And then suddenly he’s somewhere else, with other threats (the animatronics), and then the first group that attacked him is back, so he’s gonna fight them again.

And these jerks just keep following him? He’s not going to ignore that. And WOW that’s a lot of bright lights and loud noises, which are also threats, what the fuck is going on?!

And then this tiny human girl chucks a giant metal box at him, holy SHIT?! Sure, the Shredder is a dangerous antagonist, but at this point I wouldn’t call him a “bad guy”, he’s literally just responding to what’s happening to him.

In summary, the Shredder was stressed tf out because he didn’t know where he was or what was happening, he retaliated against perceived threats, and quite possibly wouldn’t have attacked the turtles in the first place if they hadn’t just rushed in without understanding the situation.

Gosh, doesn’t that sound familiar?

So yeah, I’m waiting for Rise to give us that good good Shredder!Raph content.

As for the possibility of Leo taking over afterwards... no, but also yes, sort of? On the one hand, we know that Leo does have leadership capabilities, and it would be a waste for the narrative to not explore that. On the other hand, Rise has broken from the status quo in many ways, and it would also be a waste for the show to do a complete 180 and return to Leo Being The Leader™.

Consider how the “leader” role has influenced Leo in past iterations: his perfectionism wears on him and his brothers, any failure tanks his self-esteem, he feels isolated from the rest due to taking on such a large share of responsibility, being an authority figure grinds everyone’s gears, etc. It’s just bad for his mental health.

No doubt all this responsibility will also wear on Rise!Raph as the story progresses and the stakes get higher. It will be bad for him as well. But if Raph steps down, Leo will once again suffer from the weight of this role. So if neither option is quite correct, if neither brother can shoulder the burden of leadership alone, then the solution is just... for neither of them to shoulder the burden of leadership alone. Sure, Raph will probably remain leader in title and in spirit, but Leo taking on a sort of “deputy” role makes sense from a strategic standpoint, and would be good for his character development.

Here’s how I think it could go down:

The Shredder!Raph scenario will be different from the Shredder!Draxum scenario. The Shredder was starved for mystic energy the first time around, so he immediately chewed Draxum up and spit him out. But Raph could be compared more to a battery than a meal; it will take a while for the Shredder to drain him. And at this point the Shredder could be back in “evil samurai” mode, and thus will understand the value of holding Raph hostage.

Y’all who have followed my blog for a bit know about my “Raph is a system” theory; that when he was little, he got separated from his family and pursued by some cryptid hunter. This trauma formed Savage Raph, who is able to handle “being lost/alone/threatened” when Host Raph cannot. “Pizza Puffs” didn’t give us a lot of info about who I’m calling “Red Raph”, but he made his presence known when Host Raph was sort of... "emotionally alone”? In that his brothers were dying a little bit and too stoned to care.

So if Raph is trapped inside a living cage, scared and helpless and hurt and exhausted, his family unable to help him... he’s not going to be able to handle it.

Or, rather, Host Raph isn’t going to be able to handle it.

These two can, though.

I’m imagining a scene in the mindscape where the Shredder says something like “Your pathetic family cannot bear to strike you down, and so there is nothing that can stand in m- wait, why are there three of you OW FUCK-” Red and Savage will mentally kick his ass long enough for the other turtles to rip off a chunk of the armor so Leo can portal it into another dimension or something. Shredder gets K.O.’d since he’s not whole anymore, and the battle is won.

Since the armor didn’t drain Raph as severely as it did Draxum, he won’t become as weak as Draxum did. However, it will still take him some time to recover. Raph trusts Leo in serious moments as of “Many Unhappy Returns”, and he already took charge when Raph wasn’t available back in “Man vs. Sewer”. So Raph will be like, “Hey Leo, can you handle the Mad Dogs for a bit? Just long enough for me to get back on my feet.” And Leo will be like, “Sure bro, I’ve got this.”

He does not, in fact, “got this”. Leo’s ego has caused trouble before (”Shell in a Cell”, “Minotaur Maze”), and being in charge will no doubt go to his head. This has the potential for both comedy and seriousness, leading to wacky mishaps and genuine danger. Being the leader is hard work and it’s not always fun, but someone has to do it and Leo will have to put the others before himself for it to get done. Once Leo realizes this, he could bond with Raph by asking for his advice on leadership. Sometimes Leo will follow the advice and sometimes he won’t, sometimes that will work out and sometimes it won’t, laying the foundation for the idea that there are situations where it will be better for one or the other to lead, rather than having one lead all the time. But that will only happen for a few episodes, because Raph will heal quickly and he’ll be the leader again and everything will be fine!

Everything will not, in fact, be fine. Raph is the strongest in the family, the tank, the one who can take a hit so the smaller ones don’t have to... the idea of being hurt, of being weak, scares him because his family is also in danger if he’s unwell. So I don’t think he’ll acknowledge to anyone, not even himself, that getting possessed hurt him emotionally as well as physically. And when a wound isn’t acknowledged, it doesn’t get tended to, and when a wound isn’t tended to, it gets worse.

That he’s a system will add another layer of complexity to this. The Shredder!Raph incident would make all the alters aware of each other via mindscape shenanigans, but it would also leave them with the fear of not being in control, so I think they’ll come in conflict with each other for a bit. They’ll argue with themselves, switch, and lose time more often, enough that it impedes their ability to function and the other characters start to notice something is wrong.

Host Raph will convince himself that Everything Is Fine and try to get things “back to normal”, which probably means he’s just straight-up not going to acknowledge that he's a system. He’ll rationalize that he’s always “gotten weird” from time to time, so it’s nothing to think too hard about... right?

Savage Raph will be on high alert because they just survived a near-death (a near soul-destroying) experience. He’ll probably take the front and go overboard fighting some villains that Host Raph could have ordinarily fought on his own. It might also take a while to convince Savage Raph that these “sewer monsters” who keep following him around really don’t mean him any harm.

Red Raph will get snappy (pardon the pun) about the more social aspect of “not being in control”; that Host Raph asked Leo to be in charge and then Leo started being an egotistical dumbass. And when Leo does make the right decisions, Donnie and Mikey might side with him over Raph, and that will also grind his gears.

Mix all that together and you have a recipe for a capital b Breakdown.

So yeah, I can definitely see how the Shredder!Raph incident and its aftermath would worsen all three of their tempers, trauma will fuck up your emotions real bad. Perhaps Host Raph loses faith in himself and tries to step down and get Leo to replace him as leader... only for Leo to be like “Bro I cannot do this full time I will one hundred percent have my own Breakdown if that happens.”

The life lessons here are that Leo learns to offer support by sometimes taking the leader role; not to benefit his own ego, but because he wants to help Raph. And Raph learns to accept support by letting Leo be in charge sometimes; not because he’s weak or incapable, but because he can’t always be a Staunch Immovable Rock and he needs to let himself rest by trusting Leo.

And then the Raphs can work on communicating, cooperating, letting their allies know about them, digging into their trauma, etc. now that they have some breathing room.

(Do you think the Hidden City has therapists? Steven Universe and Mao Mao both have therapists can we BLEASE get one for Raph.)

[decoytardis]

You ever think of the time you fell into a specific fandom and what you were feeling in your real life at the time and then realize: damn, I was super mentally ill?

Like, I’m still mentally unwell but damn I was really deep in it then.

I still feel grateful for those fandoms though.

They gave me something to look forward to. They gave me characters who kept going through the worst pain imaginable and still managed to do the right thing and be kind. And they always got out of it alive.

I’m more self-aware about my mental health now, and I don’t feel nearly as fragile. But when a show can take 15 years of character development, growth, fighting for the right to exist and a found family that was better than any blood relationship the protagonists had and completely gaslight the fans into thinking none of that mattered and that the only peace that could be had was in death? That really fucking hurt.

If I had been in the same place mentally that I was in those years ago when fandoms (mostly Doctor Who at that point, but somewhere along there I got deeper into Supernatural) were literally the only thing giving me the will to live, I don’t know what kind of state I would be in right now.

Some of these supernatural fans are literal children/teenagers who are still mentally maturing and learning how to regulate their emotions.

It took me a long time to get to the relatively stable mental place I am right now. And there are still bad days too. I guess I’m just lucky enough where reading enough fanfiction, rewatching the show, reading the tie-in novels and being on tumblr is helping me cope with that absolutely terrible ending and its message.

It doesn’t make me any less angry. Because I know there are people out there that got very, very hurt by that ending and its message and who can’t cope at all. Because I know how absolutely crushing it is to feel that hopeless.

Oh, I think I found the points I was trying to make with this post.

Basically,

1) Supernatural deserved a better ending. Yeah, I know it had so many issues. I know there are better shows out there. But it had so much potential. And they wasted it.

2) Discourse is great! It’s how so many fandom friendships are made! I love it! But y’all...sometimes fandoms can be so fucking toxic. It’s okay not to interact with those people. It’s okay not to follow the fandom on certain platforms. And it’s okay not to read all the comments. And also, absolutely none of my followers should be doing this, but actively sending hate to other fans??? That is so fucked up. Don’t do it.

3) On other platforms like Twitter or Instagram, it’s really uncomfy to see how fans interact with the actors sometimes. It’s one thing to speculate on here, where there’s such anonymity, but it’s another thing to tag and directly reply to their tweets with real person shipping things or things that you KNOW they aren’t legally able to talk about other stuff that you probably wouldn’t want someone to ask you about if you were in their shoes.

Basically, it’s valid to be hurt when a fandom does this to you. But please, don’t take it as an excuse to be a dick. Otherwise, you are the toxic part of the fandom.

[caswlw]

so the finale absolutely fucked me up and i know it really really impacted other people but I’m trying to figure out if what I’m feeling is like, somewhat normal? like not just the finale the whole meta experience of watching the show with the actors and writers and conventions and fandom and how we’ve been treated just like everything about my experience watching this show has left me really emotionally fucked up and unwell. I think I’ll probably spend the rest of my life trying to work through it. Like I haven’t been mentally stable or physically healthy since november 5th and I’m going to therapy bc of this. When y’all say Winchester derangement syndrome...is that what people mean or do i just have extensive trauma

oh dude i do know what u mean like. i don’t know if i’ll ever be the same :( like i genuinely need therapy enough as it is and then This happens. what are we meant to do w that

[bearmartinblackwood]

Ok so I’ve been writing out Pokémon teams for each character bc I’m mentally unwell lemme know what y’all think Jon: (He’s a psychic trainer!) -Shiny Espurr -Musharna -Xatu -Espeon -Claydol -Uxie Martin: -Cubone -Sinistea -Arcanine -Phantump -Tauros -Drifloon Sasha: -Ditto -Porygon-2 -Glameow -Mimikyu -Rotom -Bewear Tim: -Chatot -Gengar -Riolu -Electrode -Pyroar(male) -Krokorok Elias: -Arbok -Liepard -Zoroark -Unown(J) -Noctowl -Thievul Peter: -Pelipper -Dhelmise -Swablu -Magikarp -Empoleon -Delibird Michael/Helen: -Spinda -Poliwhirl -Wobuffet -Porygon-Z -Impidimp -Xurkitree Gerry: -Braixen -Ninetales -Obstagoon -Umbreon -Banette -Deino Melanie: -Sneasel -Dustox -Zangoose -Eevee -Growlithe -Luxray Georgie: -Shiny Skitty -Audino -Misdreavus -Togepi -Dusclops -Marshadow Mike: (Flying trainer) -Mega Pidgeot -Zapdos -Skarmory -Staraptor -Sigilyph -Thundurus Jude/Agnes: (they’re a fire-type trainer duo, first 3 are Agnes’s and last 3 are Judes) -Volcarona -Vulpix -Ho-Oh -Houndoom -Blaziken -Charmeleon Nikola: -Blacephalon -Mr. Mime -Shiny Sylveon -Meloetta -Sableye -Chingling Jared: (Fighting type trainer) -Machamp -Conkeldurr -Sawk -Throh -Buzzwole -Primeape Oliver: -Murkrow -Duskull -Deoxys -Shiny Absol -Darkrai -Malamar

[coffeeandcalligraphy]

Hi! I love your youtube channel & I think you're super cool! I'm a newer follower and was wondering if you could give a summary of the concept of Fostered---it sounds like a really interesting series!

Aww thank you!

Yes I can!! Fostered is too thicc for me to give extensive summaries (unless y’all want this) and there is very little you need to know from the earlier books to understand the current ones! That’s because as myself and the series have aged, its genre, age category, and plot points have changed!

Here’s a small outline of the main characters:

Reeve

Protagonist + narrator for all “main” Fostered books

Sister of Lonan

Will write salty breakup songs about people she was never in a relationship with

Bi as fuck!

Foster

Was once Reeve’s boyfriend?? no??

Best friend of Harrison

Will write love songs about tofu

Ace as fuck!!!

Harrison

Best friend of Foster

Also Reeve’s best friend!

Sort of love-interest of Lonan (we’re getting there lol)

Will write love songs about waffles

Gay! as! fuck!

Protagonist of Moth Work

Lonan

Reeve’s brother!

An antagonist for a good chunk of this series

Will not write love songs he has no heart (he does I am just mean)

Also bi as fuck!! Everyone is bi in that family lol we love it

Here’s a breakdown (CW: there’s a lot of violence/convo about mental illness/potentially triggering content in these summaries, so tread with caution):

Fostered (book 1) to Resisted (book 3):

These books (Fostered, Hunted, Resisted) are probably the most harmonious out of the 6 (7 including Moth Work) so far! That’s because for a long time, I believed Fostered would end at three books (initially a standalone, then duology). They’re all closely linked through the “foster homes” plot (hence the name of the series) and are obviously the most dystopian of the books (all three are also YA). You can feel the 2014 dystopian vibes in this book lol. I wrote this summary 5 years ago for my first ask ever and it sums up that idea:

The book takes place in the not-too-distant future where children who’ve committed crimes, are neglected, or have chosen to, are sent to behavioural detention centres – what everyone else that’s not the government like to call ‘foster homes’. The story revolves around a fifteen-year-old girl named Reeve who’s lived two years in a ‘foster home’ after being accused of her sister’s murder. Following an accident that she caused which subsequently led to her escape of her foster home, she stumbles across a group of kids, who like her, have gone through the lifestyle and also have escaped. She makes an alliance with them and everything seems in its place until she finds out that a team of hunters are searching for her because of the same accident. Unable to remember anything that happened from the event, she then learns that maybe all things don’t point to her – what really happened on the day she escaped? 

(props to 14-year-old me for writing this)

I wrote these three books so quickly (though at the time, as a thirteen-year-old, it felt like drafting took forever). I started Fostered in October of 2014, and by May of 2015, I was halfway through Resisted :))))). How?? These books are all above 85k??? I could never!!!

FOSTERED (book 1 - YA dystopian):

Follows the above plot. What isn’t mentioned above is how this book starts. We start with Reeve (15 at the time–a baby!!!) chillin in an abandoned storage unit she was hoping to use as shelter. HOWEVER, plot twist of the season–there are already people there!

She’s semi-ambushed by these people who she later learns are our good ol’ pals Foster and Harrison. The boys are also taking care of a 6-year-old girl named Essie who they love fiercely!! They’re sketched out by Reeve, which we later find out is because–they! know! her! 

Foster, Harrison, and Reeve were actually all the closest pals in a ‘foster home’ they called WAFFLE. Reeve forgets that during the disastrous accident she causes that separates them (she blows up the foster home lmaooo) but lookie here–the squad is reunited! Eventually everyone comes to love each other (though it ain’t like that in the beginning) + Foster and Reeve have a romance which I find so bizarre now?? They would never.

The squad is being “hunted” by a group of “chasers” (I LOVE dystopian lool) headed by a woman named Red who is actually?? a badass? She tries to kill them a bunch of times, Reeve kills Lonan’s sister by using her as a human shield, Essie dies, I’m awful!

HUNTED (book 2 - YA dystopian):

After Essie’s death, the group is shook! Harrison especially as he is *soft* and the “leader” of the group. To protect his other ducklings who are now the most sought after people in America lmao (Foster and Reeve), he does something SCANDALOUS and joins the *government* AKA all the evil people putting innocent children in these awful detention centres. What a 180! Essentially, he does this to purposefully manipulate investigations into Foster and Reeve away from them, but Reeve doesn’t know this so she’s cheesed when she finds out (she feels #betrayed)!

Harrison’s departure of the group triggers the group’s breakup. Harrison joins an *elite* section of the government that *I believe* tries to wrangle runaway foster kids?? This group is lead by our other good pal Lonan and this is the first book he appears in! He takes Red’s place as antagonist in this book.

The group also includes Holly, a badass who is also Foster’s older sister (and also Lonan’s first serious girlfriend)! She’s scary! She also dies by hanging in a blood-drinking cult mid-way through this book! don’t! ask! Margo is this group’s tech analyst, and she’s a mentally distant hippie (and Harrison’s first and last serious girlfriend which obvi didn’t work out lol he’s gay!) Idk what Harrison’s job was here, but he learns techy stuff from Margo!

This book is important because it establishes Lonan, who continues to be a pivotal character as the series progresses. It also establishes Lonan and Harrison’s relationship. Obvi Lonan is the antagonist in this book and won’t make his redemption arc for another 1book lol, but him and Harrison have a bit of a bizarre relationship. Though they’re almost rivals, they almost adore being each other’s rivals (but don’t tell them that)? After Harrison leaves Lonan’s team, the squad essentially is *hunted* by them, hence the book title lol. 

By the end of this book, a few important things happen! Lonan kills Margo (remember, Harrison’s first and last girlfriend lol, we could say Lonan was killing his competition lol is that too much), this obviously reinforces his role as bad guy! After the book’s events, Lonan eventually overtakes the group and they’re all imprisoned! Love it!

RESISTED (book 3 - YA dystopian):

This is my favourite Fostered book because there’s just so much tea! We start in “headquarters” AKA Lonan’s pride and joy! After he kills off his old boss so he can be Ultimate Antagonist (actually because she essentially killed his girlfriend ahaha), he’s the Man in Charge and power trippin like crazy. 

Reeve is separated from Foster and Harrison who are also in HQ because she’s mentally unwell. Lonan has given her the job of executing people (because he is evil) which she ain’t diggin! so Lonan takes it upon himself to address her mental health concerns (which obviously isn’t helping because they mutually hate each other). 

Eventually, Reeve barters with Lonan for what she wants by using Holly’s death (which only she and Foster witnessed) as leverage. As I mentioned above, Lonan essentially kills/drives away his entire *elite government squad* which means! He needs another one! Reeve uses this as an opportunity and says WELL you COULD hire Foster and Harrison. Lonan does and VOILA we suddenly have a new squad!

This is really where we build a relationship between Lonan and Reeve who have previously done nothing but try to kill each other! They actually bond in this bizarre kind of way. While they still don’t like each other, they mutually understand each other more than Foster and Harrison do as in many ways, Lonan and Reeve have both done the same awful things (lots of killing people :))). 

This all builds up to the epic reveal that they are actually half siblings (they share a mother) and oh DOES THE TEA START BOILING. This news causes major tension in the OG squad (Reeve, Foster, Harrison) as Foster and Harrison think Lonan has done too many irredeemable things to be forgiven, despite the fact that he and Reeve are related. They are right! However, Reeve isn’t so quick to decide. 

She and Lonan go through a lot together (including kidnapping! attempted murder! An explosion! Reeve pretending to be a corpse!) which are still some of my favourite things to re-read and the reason I love this book the most out of all the books I’ve written. This is where #redemption arc occurs!

This book is too long for me to cover everything, but essentially their relationship is the most important! The book ends when the squad (now joined by Lonan) is forced out of hiding because Reeve is injured and actually needs real medical attention! This leads to ANOTHER separation, with Reeve heading back to a foster home for the first time in a few years!

Hollowed (book 4) to Rewired (book 6)

HOLLOWED (book 4 - YA (?) dystopian (?))

Book four is my least favourite book of the 6 and that’s because it’s melodramatic and I was finding my writing style! It’s not quite appropriate for YA because of its violent subject matter, but wouldn’t appeal to adults, so it’s a bit category-less. Dystopian elements still exist, but are less relevant, so it’s also a bit muddled in term of genre.

All you need to know in terms of events are that Reeve meets someone named Lincoln in the foster home she’s put in (see previous) who ends up being a horrifically abusive person. He sort of shifts into the role as antagonist, though from this book on, the lines between good guys and bad guys blur. Hollowed also introduces a new character–Glenne! Glenne is Lonan’s second serious girlfriend and remnants of this relationship still show up in current Fostered spinoffs (tho she will be irrelevant in Houses With Teeth most likely). 

SPLINTERED (book 5 - YA?????)

The genre and category of this book are impossible to define. We continue almost where we left off in book four, and this book is pretty unremarkable in terms of events lol. The squad remains the same, except toward the end, we’re introduced to Darren, a dude from California who hears about Lonan’s *elite government squad* (before the government disowned him) and hopes they can help him locate his missing brother (tho he don’t reveal this until book six). 

This book is mostly about Lonan’s declining mental health that still has not gotten better. Some hints of Lonan and Harrison’s relationship getting closer are also dropped in this book.

REWIRED (book 6 - Adult (???) literary fiction sometimes???)

The category of this book is bizarre. It begins as weirdly maybe almost YA, but dips into adult literary fiction at some points. This book is where I really grasped my style and so the genre and category reflect that transition. 

What you need to know about Rewired is the progression of Darren and Reeve’s relationship as it goes from acquaintances to PALS to MORE THAN PALS to I don’t! want to be! your! pal! This book is so weird and disjointed because of this transition away from YA dystopian and into adult literary fiction. We also get even more Lonan and Harrison relationship development as Reeve meddles her way into business that is not hers!

MOTH WORK (spinoff - no categories anymore I have no idea)

The most recent Fostered book! We finally get to see Lonan and Harrison’s relationship on the page and oh boy! Is there tea! As Lonan struggles to grasp trauma from childhood, and Harrison struggles to help him, their relationship goes to places it ain’t never been before! This eventually leads to a much needed separation where Lonan explores a new relationship with Eliza (his father’s ex oooooof) and Harrison figures out what he needs in order to live a healthier, happier life. MW is a bridge between book six and seven.

HOUSES WITH TEETH (book 7 - adult literary fiction *I’m hoping*)

I have yet to write this book, but we’re back in Reeve’s head! Here’s a synopsis I’ve shared before:

After escaping a toxic relationship, twenty-year-old Reeve disappears for the second time in one year. She’s drawn to Wicker, a mealy town outside New York City, whose disappearances of affluent girls has caught her attention. The day she arrives, a sinkhole buries one of them in the front yard of her new home, a fixer-upper she shares with estranged friend, Foster. Quickly she falls prey to speculation by herself and others, who try to connect her to the tragedy. And even stranger, false recognitions as the girl in the ground, and the many other missing Wicker girls make her feel more and more like one of them–these alluring, unknown women. 

This book is very much my vibe now as a writer, however, it’s been difficult to re-integrate back into Reeve’s head with all Fostered’s dystopian elements removed! I don’t have much else to share about this book since I know so little about it, but it is essentially my current project.

So I hope that was helpful! There’s a lot of unexplored territory that I worry might be impossible to get into because I legitimately do not remember a lot @sarahkelsiwrites calls me a fake fan lol (I genuinely am), but if y’all ever want to know more, I am 100% down to share whatever! This was also a lot of info so if y’all have questions, send ‘em in!

Enjoy this abridged version of Fostered!

–Rachel

[serpenscapes]

I seen your headcanons for the Charlotte Family! I really like them! Can you share more? It can be in-canon or more modern headcanons! Oh, and I love your thoughts on Perospero! He's my favorite alongside Katakuri! I also thinks he a very good brother that knows everything about his little siblings! I like to think Perospero is the closest thing the family has to a father-figure & that the siblings are rather possessive of Perospero because they don't to share him with anyone outside the family!

This has been in my inbox forever and I’m so sorry for not answering it, I’ve just been a little braindead on the headcanon front lately. 

A few headcanons about the Charlotte Family:- Amande draws a lot of attention wherever she goes, and she did this even before she or the family were well-known to the outside world. Something about her just captures people’s attention.- Smoothie respects Big Mom and the older siblings a lot, almost to the point of reverence- Perospero, since he’s the oldest, is Big Mom’s eyes and ears when it comes to the goings-on of Totto Land. That is, however, until one of his younger siblings ends up having some sort of mental breakdown – and this happens far more often than any of them would care to admit. At least once, they’ve all had a moment of “Oh my God, what are we doing,” as they come to the sudden realisation that their mother is a horrible person and that they are attached to her solely out of fear. When this happens, one of the older kids will try to calm them down and help them through it (since they’ve all been there themselves) and Perospero will lie to Mama and say that the sibling in question is unwell or has gone somewhere. It’s the only time he can lie to her convincingly- The older siblings who tend to deal with this sort of thing when they can are Peros, Katakuri, Oven, Amande, Brulee, Smoothie Galette and so on. Some, like Daifuku and Cracker, aren’t great with emotional stuff like this and are more of the opinion that they should just suck it up.

Modern AU:- Despite Katakuri’s love of music, he has never been to a concert. The Charlotte family was never exactly the type to encourage the pursuit of one’s interests unless it came in direct benefit to the family or was something their mother approved of directly (hence why so many of them ended up in the food industry in some way.) At this point, he’s gained enough personal freedom and trust from Mama that he could probably sneak off to a concert if he really wanted to, but he feels like he’s too old now. - Sometimes the younger girls in the family have sleepovers where they bitch about their brothers and do each other’s hair and talk about their crushes which will inevitably not go anywhere since Mama is the one who picks their marriage partners. Still, it’s nice to borrow makeup from one another and be able to feel like normal kids for a while- Dating is technically not allowed in the family. A lot of them still do it anyway, obviously, but it’s with the knowledge that it will never go anywhere unless you’re willing to elope and lose all contact with the rest of the family, or die. Most of them blow off steam with brief flings or one-night stands, but very few of the Charlotte siblings have ever been in a committed relationship. The idea of being in love with someone and having a relationship that lasts into the future is almost bizarre to them. Sex is treated like a bodily function, like eating or sleeping, and marriage is a contractual obligation made between two parties for mutual benefit. Romantic love? Ridiculous.

Ty for the ask! i’m still happy to take headcanon requests but if y’all could be a liiiiiiiiiittle bit more specific about what you’re looking for (since the entire family is pretty vague lol) that would be helpful! More headcanons here!