#oh yeah and that sherlock guy she loves i guess

[mizjoely]

just fyi, sherlolly is da bomb

[shujohajohaminnie]

Mine

Pairing: Yang Jeongin x fem!reader

Genre: Smut

Word Count:2771

Summary: What happens when there's a serial killer in love with you who will kill anyone who’s near you. 

Afab!reader, Profanity, Dark Concepts, Talks of murder, Blood, Possessive behavior, Obsessive behavior, pet names, Raw Sex. Let me know if I miss anything. 

“Okay, so what do we know so far” “Whoever the killer is, is in love with y/n” “Oh my god, not this again” “WHAT IT’S TRUE” “Ji do you have any proof” “Well everyone who either slept with y/n, tired to get with y/n or has a thing-” “Had” “As I was saying… had a thing for y/n is now… dead” “That’s purely coincidental” “Is it?” “Yes, it is… and if that was the case why the hell is Chan in the hospital right now” “I mean, even I thought Chris was into you” “Well he isn’t” You rolled your eyes laying back down on the couch your phone in hand. “Okay so let's make a list of people in love with y/n” “Okay first one… that weird kid from her English class, that’s always following her around… what's his name” “Dae” Jisung sapped his fingers writing the name on the board in big bold font. “Who’s next” “ Add Johnny” “Sorry to break it hon… but that piece of shit you call a boyfriend does not love you” “Yes he does” “No… he doesn’t” “Hiah” Hyunjin yelled jumping in his seat from excitement, he loved to play detective. “Think you missed a chapter Jinnie… he’s already dead” “Really” “Mhmm knife to the face” “Gross”. “Can we stop” “What” “Doing this… we’re not the cops, Plus it’s just weirding me out” “She’s right we should drop it” “Jeongin” “Hmmm?” “Add Jeongin to the list” “Come on you can’t be serious” “Of course we’re not being serious, it’s Jeongin were talking about. He could barely kill a spider, but it’s just because he’s madly in love with you…so if I were you innie, I’d be careful” “Is that a threat, are you the killer Hannie” “Puh-lease… you wish I was obsessed with you” “Whatever, I’m gonna go” “What where” “To my room calm down mom. I have to start getting ready for the party”. “You aren’t serious right” “Yeah… why” “Maybe because there's a killer out there taregting us” “Well Ji… if we're going based on your theory, the killer is only going for people in love with me. So you guys are safe” You laughed before closing your bedroom door excited to attend the hottest party of the year. Was it the smartest idea? No, but you were dumb college kids, not every idea that you and your group of friends came up with was the brightest.

“I don’t think this is a good idea” Jisung looked down at the ground nervously  “Han everything will be fine, we’ve got a black belt with us and buff daddy Changbin for security” “We said the killer is in love with y/n right” “Yes” “No” “Well he, or she might be in the room with us right now” “Thank you Hyunjin for that inclusivity” Your newest friend rolled her eyes at Hyunjins subtle, not so subtle ‘look’ shot directly at her. “But I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, I’m not the killer” “Mhmm… I’m not buying it” “If you’re so sure it’s me why don’t you tell the police so they can arrest me” “I’ve tried that, they said there's no evidence” “BECAUSE IT’S NOT ME” “Guys guys stop… Jinnie, I love you but it’s not Joon, don’t you remember she was attacked too” “It just seems perfectly planned that she was there when Chan almost got killed and she ended up with only a paper cut on her arm” “IT WASN’T A PAPER CUT, I ALMOST LOST MY ARM” “Yeah right. I’ve got my eyes on you new girl” “Jinnie just cause you're dressed up like Sherlock Holmes doesn’t mean you have the detective skills” “Pfttt speak for yourself” “Didn’t you guess the killer was someone who died three weeks ago” “Way to go detective” Joon laughed interlocking your hands and walking you out the door. You pulled down your ghost face mask and walked out of the building towards the blasting music coming from the on-campus frat house. 

The night was only getting more interesting as the students continued to drink. “Hey where's your little boyfriend” “With his friends” You nodded in the direction of your boyfriend with his two closest friends. “Doesn’t it bother you that he only hangs out with them two, I mean they’re kinda known for sleeping around” “No” Of course it bothered you that your boyfriend only hung out with the two prettiest sluttiest girls on campus. “Come on don’t lie to me” “Fine Lee it does bug me, but what am I supposed to do just tell them to back off” “Yes, that's exactly what you need to do” Felix interrupted Lee Know handing you and Han a cup. “What the hell is this” Han recoiled after smelling the mystery beverage. “Jungle Juice… it’s so good” “Absolutely not” he shook his head taking your cup and placing it down on the table along with his and Minho’s. “How many have you had” “Two” “Oh that's not bad” “Two red cups and two blue cups” “Well there goes our black belt” “Hey I have a reason” “And what’s that Yongbook” “Shit he’s mad mad” “The red cups are if you think we're going to win the game on Friday, the blue is if we're going to lose… so I’m staying neutral” “And you couldn’t just drink two” “Well I could’ve but then I wanted a third and I needed to balance it out… but I’m not the worst one guess how much Binnie’s had” “Five?” “Eight… he’s also staying neutral” He motioned over to Chagbin who was passed out on the couch. “Great not only have we lost our black belt but he lost our big boy Binnie” “Han it’s going to be fine, just chill out” “Chill out…. CHILL OUT, I CAN’T CHILL OUT WHEN I COULD DIE” “Then die knowing you had a good time instead of worrying. You wanna hit of this to calm down” “NO” He yelled snatching the blunt out of Lee Know’s hand, and tossing it who knows where. “That’s a hazard” “Guys… we need to be on high alert” You groaned resting your head on Lee Know’s shoulder while Jisung proceeded to lecture the three of you on your carelessness in the current situation.  “Ji Ji calm down we’ll be fine there are so many people around us I seriously doubt the killer whoever she is-” “IT’S NOT ME” “Is going to strike right now” Hyunjin smiled wrapping his arm around Jisung’s shoulder trying to calm down your anxious friend. “And how many did you have” “This is my first one” “Jin” “Fine it’s my sixth one… but it doesn’t hit til your 5th one I swear” “Well like I was saying we shouldn’t be drinking because we need to be paying attention just in case who ever it is, is here” “Who’s here” Jeongin joined the group with a water bottle in hand. “Good job I.N staying sober I like it” “Who’s here” Seungmin asked joining the group discussion in the kitchen. “The masked crusader” Lee Know laughed wiggling his fingers towards Jisung. “Isn’t that Batman?” “Well if Batman’s here there's nothing to worry about” “Guysssss” Han whined 

“Okay never have I ever tried to seduce a teacher for a higher grade” You clinked cups with Hyunjin while you took a sip of your drink with a smile. “Who?” “Professor Choi” “Is that why he’s dead” “Mhmm… you know what guys I have just come to realize that I’m going to end up single for life if there's a killer going after anyone and everyone that wants me” “Well that got depressing” “Shut up bitch” “GUYS GUYS” Han ran towards the couch where you all were sitting down. “I saw someone else here with a ghost face costume that could be the killer” “Ji calm down hon… that’s just Johnny we did couple costumes this year” “Yeah along with half of the other students here” “I have an idea” “WE SHOULD STICK TOGETHER” Changbin laughed in your lap nuzzling closer and closer to you while he drifted off to sleep yet again. “He’s gonna end up dead” Lee Know laughed looking at the subtle affection you were giving your best friend. I mean after all, all Chan had to do to end up on the killer's hit list was give you a ride home from a party, now here Binnie was cuddling you. “No, I was going to say we should split up-” “and look for clues.” “Yeah okay, shaggy” “Han you do know that's how people end up dead right” “Yeah man splitting up is a no for me” “You can count me out, I’m going to stay right here where I’m safe” “Don’t worry y/n I’ll stay here with you” “Aww true love… y/n when are you going to leave Johnny and date our little Innie” “In-ah being with me is going to get you killed” “No it won’t that’s a stupid theory” “It’s not stupid it’s real” “I still think we should look for clues” “I think we should let the cops handle it and live our fucking lives… it’s Halloween we should be having fun” “Having fun?” “Yes drinking, dancing, smoking, and having meaningless sex” “I don’t think you could have meaningless sex even if you wanted to Jinnie” “Yeah didn't you fall in love with your last sneaky link and were forced to end it” “Okay fuck you” “No fuck you what the fuck” “Guys guys should we leave early or no?” “No” “Everyone in favor of leaving early says I” Silence of course. “Don’t worry Hannie we’re here” 

And you were, you and the boys stayed on that couch stuck at each other's hip for about an hour after that conversation. That was until you saw a familiar somebody walking towards you. You checked his shoes to make sure it was really him. “Hey” You smiled looking up at him. He extended his gloved hand out for you to take not saying a word. “What?” You asked taking his hand, he pulled you up signaling you to the restroom. You smiled walking away when a hand held you back. “Do you really want to have drunk sex with your shitty boyfriend in the Kappa restroom” “Yes now shut up and stick together before Jisung loses it again” “Y/n you can’t leave what if he gets you” “You said it yourself Ji, If the killer’s in love with me, he wouldn’t hurt me” 

But of course not even Jisung was sure about that. Jimmy pushed you up against the door sliding his hand up your thigh towards your heat. You sighed throwing your head back as you felt him take off his gloves. His long fingers beginning to draw circles on your clit. Wait long fingers? “J-Johnny… take off your mask I want to see you” No answer you reached your hand up in an attempt to take off the mask yourself, but he moved his head away from you. "Come on Johnny take off the mask I'm serious" "I'm not Johnny" You looked down at his left sleeve that held your waist against the door, you noted the way the material looked darker than the rest. You looked at your hip noticing the red trail staining your skin. "What the fuck... is that blood?". He pulled off his mask to reveal Jeongin with his sly smirk. “Jeongin what the fuck wheres Johhny” “In one of the bedrooms upstairs with his throat slit” “I told you to wait for me Jeongin I wanted to see his fucking face” “Baby but-” “No honey, I was going to lead him in here, you were going to hide behind the curtain and when I shut the door I was going stab him and then you were going to finish him off that was the plan” “I know I know baby, but if it makes you feel better I passed down your message” “It does… so how was it” “Just like you thought it was going to be …he cried and begged for his life” “Good, fucking asshole” You laughed throwing your head back as he continued with his previous movements. You moved the costume gown up unbucking his pants. You couldn’t wait anymore you needed him. You needed him ever since he was in your apartment when you were getting ready, but you couldn’t not with the boys there. It would blow your cover. You had a plan and you were going to stick to it. They were going to find Johnny, you were going to mourn and in your mourning Jeongin was going to ‘comfort’ you, giving you two the perfect excuse for getting together. 

You wrapped your leg around his waist leading him into your heat. “I told you not to go for Chan” You moaned feeling the all-familiar stretch. You didn’t feel bad for sleeping with Jeongin while being Johnny. You weren’t cheating on him in your head you were over since the moment he cheated on you with his ‘friends’. You wanted to dump him, but that's when Jeongin came to you with the wonderful idea to pay him back for the pain he had caused you, caused his pretty girl. “He was all over you” Jeongin groaned beginning to slide in and out of you “Plus I wasn’t going to kill him, it was just a warning” he grunted pulling down your dress straps to release your tits for its confinement. “He was just giving me a ride Jeongin, he wouldn’t have to if you had your license”. You moaned as you felt him begin to kiss down your jaw to your chest. Taking one of your sensitive nipples into his mouth. He rolled the other in between his fingers driving you absolutely insane. “You know why I don’t have it” he whispered pulling his hand away from your breast and dragging it down to your clit drawing figure eights on it once again. “Yeah because you’re so busy slicing anyone that gets close to me” You moaned grabbing his forearm as he increased his speed. Only your two could have a full-blown argument in the middle of having sex. But you were in love, a love so toxic, that you felt like you were being suffocated when around each other. But when you two were apart it felt like you were being torn apart limb by limb. It was a love that you both couldn’t let go. You felt yourself reach closer and closer analyzing the words he was saying to you. He would do something that was so illegal, just for you. You tightened around him feeling that oh-so-familiar feeling in your lower stomach. “Jeongin I’m I’m”  “I’m protecting you” He grunted thrusting into you once more before you felt him paint your walls in white. You cummed around his cock hearing those last words. You’ve never been with someone who loved you the way that he did. He sighed pulling away from the crook of your neck to look at you. “I love you”. He whispered stroking your cheek. He didn’t stop thrusting into you, fucking you through both of your orgasms. “I love you too” You moaned kissing his lips while you wrapped your arms around him. Now that you had him you weren’t going to let go. 

You took your previous spot on the couch going on your phone. “Oh, so we're not going to talk about it” “Talk about what” “How you just had sex with your boyfriend and how you’re just sitting here like he didn’t just fill you up” “Changbin” Felix cringed hearing your friends out loud thought. “We didn’t fuck, he just wanted to talk to me” “Is everything okay” Jisung looked at you worryingly. “Yeah we’re fine… just school stuff” You smiled wrapping your arms around him comforting, he shook his head backing away from you. “Nuh-uh, I don’t wanna die” “Don’t worry Hannie you’re not gonna die… I have a feeling we're done with all of this mystery killer crap”. You laughed watching as Jeongin joined the group again with a drink in hand, wearing his previous costume. It was all going according to plan. 

[jolieblack]

Jolie's thoughts on

The Retired Colourman (Sherlock & Co. podcast)

This case, in ACD's original version, is the opposite of a favourite of mine. It's somewhat pedestrian, doesn’t have particularly memorable characters, doesn’t have particularly memorable deductions, and the only memorable dialogue or interaction is Holmes famously enumerating all the ways Watson should have used his charm to get the local ladies hot and bothered. Oh boy, that just changed a lot!

Lilian Barker - In ACD canon, Barker is Sherlock Holmes's "friend and rival", the other gifted and clever private investigator that just randomly pops up out of nowhere, never mentioned before and never mentioned again after… Weird, just weird. I prefer this Barker who finally gets a personality and a narrative function (other than being a painfully transparent red herring)!

Loved Sherlock going ballistic when she turns out not to have called the police, though. And how he keeps hating her even when she provides some useful evidence. (Thank you for not letting her actually solve the case though. I was worried there for a moment.)

Another plus: The deduction that the bad guy has a prosthetic leg goes absolutely nowhere in ACD canon but suddenly it becomes an important point!

Interesting dynamic between Sherlock and Inspector MacKinnon, too. Either Sherlock has realised that the police are not always idiots or MacKinnon is a very special person, in which case I want to know more about him and how he knows and why he trusts Sherlock. And how he managed to sell Sherlock & Co. to his superiors as a "third party investigation unit"!

Details I liked:

Did it take anyone else an age to realise that Amber Lee = Amberley? I‘m so slow.

John nattering away about low emission zones for a reason.

"The plot is thickening like a thick, evil… soup."

The chess metaphors! In ACD, the chess aspect just goes nowhere, except to serve as an explanation why the miserly, unsociable bad guy sometimes has a visitor at all. Great use of it here!

Sherlock "strangling" Mr Lee when he makes fun of John's injury, and then it turns out a pretty nifty move to secure evidence. (Or was it? Interesting question, hen or egg? I guess we'll be in sweet unknowing agony about this forever.)

Mariana = Mari? Sweet but uncomfortable at the same time, for obvious reasons.

I do love the confirmation that Mariana co-owns the business and is not just an employee, though.

"Don’t say juices, it’s a family show." - "You just said fuck."

John taking his frustrations out on the wall with a sledgehammer.

And then oh boy again for how dark this whole case is. Even Sherlock actually being really considerate and protecting Mariana from trauma took a pretty creepy form. Honestly, the way he said, "Follow the thought. Don‘t run away from it. It’s natural to be scared when you know what you'll find at the end of it.", I honestly expected for a moment that he was talking her into looking at the bodies, just from the tone.

I also can’t help feeling that that moment in the attic would have belonged to John, not to Mariana. I mean, yeah, she did deserve to reap the fruit of her earlier clever deductions about the water pipe system, and Watson is absent from the final resolution in ACD’s story, too… But I‘m not sure I can ever get over the fact that John did not hear Sherlock say "check mate" in that voice.

Reality check: The police are incompetent if they missed both the walled-off extension/basement and the walled-off part of the attic after a week of searching, and if they even considered taking the bad guy to court without having done that first.

Also reality check: Like with The Cardboard Box, straight up cruel and unimaginative domestic murder hits too close to home for me to be ideal entertainment, but then Joel Emory absolutely gets points for realism. What Sherlock and Mariana find at the end of the case - two human bodies having decomposed in water for a week - is straight out of ACD canon. The podcast version just calls the horror by its name, instead of elegantly glossing over it, and gets kudos from me for that.

Check out this amazing art for the episode by @abstractfrog (Sherlock and Mariana), and @subtlehysteria 's fantastic John with a sledge hammer!

[raccoon-eyed-rebel]

Part 17

Masterlist

Series Masterlist

Part 16 🟣 Part 18

A reverse harem vampire AU ft. Mikey, Marshall, August and Sherlock

Series summary: Somehow, you've managed to live with your boyfriend and his roommates for months before finding out they're vampires, but the real shock first comes when they find out you have a special quality. A quality the guys would love to make use of...

Warnings: Ongoing vampire shenanigans, mentions of blood, biting, angst. Girl-gossip shenanigans.

Word count: 2.7k

A/N: I'm very sorry, @deandoesthingstome, but this chapter is exactly what you hate most 😂😂 That said... We need some girl-gossip up in this bitch. Enjoy!

@geralts-yenn @deandoesthingstome @summersong69 @mis-lil-red @ellethespaceunicorn @sillyrabbit81 @livisss @itsrubberbisquit @ktficworld

“Hey, is that Professor Holmes?”

You followed Katie’s gaze to the side only to find that she was right: Sherlock was indeed in the cafeteria of your building, and he was walking towards the table where you and your friends were sitting. “It is,” you answered plainly.

“God, it’s a shame he’s no longer teaching here… I’d almost switch schools to take one of his classes, and that’s just because of that face.” Rose sighed.

Her remark made you chuckle. “You know he’s a vampire, right?” you noted amusedly. “He can hear you.”

Closer inspection of Sherlock’s face showed no sign that he had indeed heard what Rose had said, but there simply was no other option.

“Who cares, I bet the man knows he’s a whole damn meal,” Jenelle helpfully added.

“Mmm, fine dining,” Rose chuckled. “Aren’t you supposed to be a lesbian, J?”

“I have eyes,” Jenelle deadpanned.

“You guys,” you hissed angrily. The whole conversation was making you incredibly uncomfortable. You lived with Sherlock, for crying out loud. You were… involved with him.

His soft chuckle sounded behind you as a strong arm reached around you to put something on the table — a book. “Mike said you needed this,” he said kindly, “and I had an appointment on campus, anyway.” The fact that he skipped out on your usual ‘darling’ left you a little deflated. Of course, you’d never taken the time to discuss if you would take your slightly unorthodox relationship public…

“Oh, really?” you answered, trying hard to keep your nervousness out of your voice. “What kind of appointment?”

“I’m assisting in another plagiarism case,” he answered. “The school was able to replace me as a professor, but my other talents are significantly harder to come by.” His hand landed on your shoulder for hardly more than a second, and then it was gone again. “I will see you tonight, right? August is making pasta.”

“Yeah,” you said softly.

When Sherlock turned around to walk away, it stung. You wanted to hug him, instead of hiding your relationship — although you hadn’t actually ever defined what that relationship was, exactly. One look around the table at your friends told you they already knew there was something going on.

“Seriously?” Katie snapped when Sherlock had disappeared from the cafeteria. “You are cheating on Mike?”

Shit. Of course, you had considered that explaining your situation would be tough, but you hadn’t counted on Katie going full Queen of Judgement.

“I’m not…”

“Save it, bitch,” she hissed. “How could you? Mike is so cute and…”

“Katie, shut up,” you snapped. “I’m not cheating. Mike knows, he’s… he’s okay with it. And it’s complicated.”

“Complicated how, girl?” Jenelle asked, sounding a lot more calm than Katie.

“Alright,” you sighed, “can this stay between us?” The three nodded. We’re you really doing this? Jenelle worked at the Bank, she’d have no problems with this, but Katie… She grew up about as sheltered as you had, and your best guess was that her family wasn’t exactly more forgiving on the vampire stuff.

“I’m a natural,” you blurted out before you could talk yourself out of coming clean to your friends.

“Luxury vampire food, you mean?” Rose said, her eyes wide. “Girl, you can make a killing off that!”

“How would you know?” Katie asked, disdain very clear in her voice.

“Oh, don’t be a hick about it. My sister is one. She’s making fucking bank at some club downtown. She could probably het you an inter— oh my God!”

“What?” Jenelle asked. You didn’t respond.

“You’ve been paying for lunch, not as worried about your student loans… You are making money!” It was impossible to interject, because Rose and Jenelle started to chatter excitedly while the look of disbelief on Katie’s face only grew stronger.

And then she snapped.

“You’re some filthy fucking blood whore?” Right, there it was. She didn’t even wait for an answer — not that anything you could have told her would have calmed her down, because you were, by any definition of the word, a blood whore. Somehow, it stung a lot more now that Katie said it than it had when August had mentioned it.

“Katie, seriously?” Jenelle scoffed. “You know I feed vamps for a living, too, right?”

As she said it, Katie turned pale. “I didn’t,” she muttered quietly, and she began to gather her stuff. “I have to go.”

When she rushed out of the cafeteria, Rose and Jenelle looked at each other, and then at you.

“I guess her family values don’t quite line up with city life,” Rose said.

“With normal life, you mean?” Jenelle sneered, clearly not upset by what had just happened.

“Hey,” you replied, “take it easy, she’s…”

“A bitch, girl.” Rose rolled her eyes. “I know she’s a lot like you, and I know you bonded over leaving your small-town family behind and everything, but even you have to admit that you did a way better job adjusting than she ever did. She honest to God didn’t even try.”

You knew she was right, but it still felt wrong to talk about someone you’d considered one of your closest friends like this. Especially when she was being accused of being what you were, too: A small-town girl.

Then again, they weren’t wrong in saying you’d come a long way since then. In fact, you were absolutely certain that your parents would die of shock when they found out about your arrangement with your roommates. Actually, you were pretty sure they’d already keel over if they only heard you were living with four guys, regardless of whether or not they were vampires.

They also weren’t wrong in saying that Katie hadn’t exactly made the steps you had. Quite the contrary, if you had to admit it.

You sighed.

“Girl, tell us more,” Jenelle said, putting her hand on your arm and squeezing you lightly. “I take it there’s an arrangement of sorts with these hottie-hot-hot roommates of yours?”

“Up to and including Professor McDreamy?” Rose sighed, the look in her eyes revealing she’d trade places with you in a heartbeat.

You nodded. “Yep. I never thought it would be this intimate, though…”

“We’re ditching this lecture, aren’t we?” Rose asked, looking at Jenelle, who nodded.

“Girl we’re out of here. Come on.”

“Hold on, so you slept with Pornstache? I mean… Augustus, was it?”

“August,” you corrected Jenelle, “and… I mean it’s only happened once so far.”

“And the cop?” Rose butted in.

“Not yet…” Why were you having this conversation again?

“And the pretty professor?” Jenelle asked. You’d been wondering about that, actually. Because the truth, which you also told your friends, was, of course, that you and Sherlock hadn’t had sex, even though you spent the occasional night in his bed.

“Maybe he’s waiting for you to bring it up? He seems like that kind of guy,” Jenelle said when you had finished the story of your first kiss — leaving out the part about Mike running off for now — and the nights you had spent together.

“J, we don’t know him,” Rose laughed.

“No, she’s right. He’s that kind of guy. So sweet, so considerate… Very insistent I take my supplements.” The quizzical looks on your friends’ saves made you laugh. “He can tell when I need vitamins. As in… he can taste it. So he makes sure I take what I need… it’s…”

“God, I want someone to take care of me like that…” Rose sighed. Jenelle agreed with her.

You had to admit; it was nice to have someone look after you. And you had four someones, even.

“But like, Mike was okay with all that?” Jenelle asked, and you knew your hopes of leaving out the part about him running off were shattered.

The story left Jenelle and Rose speechless for a moment, and then Rose laughed. “Christ, he's adorable,” she snickered, “I feel so bad for him. No, really…”

“Oh, the impact that remark would make if you weren't cackling like a crazy witch,” Jenelle said.

“I'm sorry, it's just… On brand for him, somehow? Does that make sense?” It did. It really did.

“August would say that it's because Mike is just a baby,” you blurted out before you were able to really think it through.

“Yeah, wait, how old are these guys?” Of course Jenelle asked the question you'd been dreading.

“Eh… Mike was born in the sixties, if I recall correctly. August and Marshall are four hundred years old, give or take, and Sherlock just under nine hundred years.” Was it just you or was it hot in here all of a sudden?

“Hm…” Yeah. Hmm. That sounded about right — you hadn't really worked out how to deal with that information yet, either.

“How old were they when they were turned?” Rose asked, making you instantly worried about something you had somehow failed to consider at all.

“God… I don't even know,” you muttered.

“You never asked?” Jenelle couldn't wrap her head around that. “How could you not ask?”

“It didn't really matter…”

“It doesn't matter,” Rose said matter-of-factly, “but I still want to know.” Ah. Rose's curiosity was the bane of your existence from time to time — and the reason for some of the better conversations you'd had with her.

“Mike was in his early twenties, I believe. And I'm guessing Sherlock and August are in their late thirties, early forties. Marshall… Mid-thirties, I think? I honestly don't know!” And you cursed yourself for it.

“It doesn't really matter. Their legal documents have their original birthdates on them, anyway,” Jenelle pointed out. “I used to work the desk at the Bank before I decided to give feeding a shot.”

“I know Sherlock doesn't have one. His driver’s license says ‘ADB’,” you remembered. Rose gave you a questioning look.

“Approximate date of birth,” Jenelle explained, although that didn't seem to make it much clearer.

“Legislation changed so many times during his life, and he's had to hide and lie about his age and pretend to be human and whatnot… He genuinely doesn't remember when he was born, exactly,” you clarified.

“Years and days are often just an estimate, even if you only go back about a century,” Jenelle added.

“It sounds horrible to not know when you were born,” Rose said quietly, a worried look on her face.

“I know the guys don't mind much… They're mostly glad they can feed legally,” you muttered.

“They must be really happy they ran into you,” Jenelle said with a wink. “I hear these arrangements are kinda rare, like… people pay top dollar to be a part of one.”

There was a question somewhere in that statement, and it was easy enough to tell what it was, exactly; what's the deal?

“Yeah…” You hesitated. You'd barely come to terms with the agreement yourself. Sharing it was something else entirely.

“You know you can trust us, right?” Rose said. She was at least as curious as Jenelle.

“Yeah, it's just… It's a lot, okay? Basically I don't pay rent and utilities, and I get… let's call it an allowance. Please don't make me tell you how much that is. It's basically a very generous grocery budget, that's all I'm gonna say about that.”

Your cheeks were burning and you couldn't keep your hands from trembling as you waited for your friends' reactions to what you'd just told them.

They were silent for a beat, and then Rose squealed. “Girl, oh my God, that's amazing! I'm so happy for you!”

She meant it — as did Jenelle, who furiously nodded in agreement of what Rose had just said.

“Truth be told,” you said. Now that you were fessing up anyway, there was something you had to get off your chest. “I'd do it for free.”

“No way,” Jenelle said, “I've had shifts where the drip — like, the painkiller chemicals — didn't take well, and I swear I wanted to die after the third or so client.”

“But you're not a natural,” Rose replied. “My sister told me it feels good.”

“Oh, it does,” you blurted out, “it really does. They could feed on me all day and I'd be so perfectly happy! Mike even…” No. That was… It wasn't that you'd never shared any intimate details about your sex life with Rose and J, but this…

“Mike even what?” The girls said in unison, and you wished you could disappear.

“God, alright, eh… He likes to drag it out.” You shrugged. As far as you were concerned, that was plenty of information for them. They disagreed.

“Bitch, I sw-"

“Alright, alright,” you shushed Rose, who seemed to calm down — but looks can be deceiving, especially in very tiny, copper-curled physics students. As far as you'd experienced, at least.

“Mike one hundred percent feeds during sex,” Jenelle said indifferently. You hated how spot-on she was.

“Yup,” you said. “And remember how fond he is of, eh…”

“Boobies,” Jenelle sighed — it was just about the only trait she and Mike had in common. “Wait…” She snapped her head in your direction, her eyes wide. “You mean he… Really?”

Why did this even surprise her?

“Oh, that adorable little freak,” Rose chuckled.

“Never tell him — or anyone else — that I told you this!” you said, mild panic clear in your voice. “Swear on your life!”

“Jeez, chill!” Jenelle snorted. “Like we'd ever do that? Ain't none of my business that he wants to suck on your tits.”

“What does that feel like?” Rose asked. How would you even begin to explain that?

Despite being unsure you'd be able to do it justice, you decided to give it a shot, anyway. You’d made it too far into this conversation to back down now. Besides, it was nice to finally be able to talk about this with your closest friends. Minus Katie — which was probably for the best.

“The feeding itself already feels like a warm bath… I mean, the bite is more sensitive, but other than that, it's pretty much the same. It's his reaction that makes it so good. A few nights ago he got so snuggly — he'd had a rough day and he was very hyper and all over the place, but as soon as he was curled up next to me, he calmed down.” You could tell from the look on her face that Jenelle had a hard time picturing Mike in any kind of way that could be described as calm. “Really! And he has this gift…”

“I can't believe we never asked you about that!” Rose interrupted. “Do they all have one?”

“They do. I'll get to that, okay?” you promised before continuing: “Anyway, Mike has this gift. He senses desires.” Rose's eyes went wide for just a moment, but you happened to catch it. “What?”

“Okay so, hypothetically, if at some point I thought about…” It didn't take a genius to figure out where this was going.

“Yeah. There’s a very good chance he caught that. Marshall is worse, though. He straight-up reads minds.”

Rose stared at you wide-eyed. “Well, it’s good to know I can never show my face at your place again.”

“Eh, you're fine,” you said. “A-ny-way, they warned me that after a while, there was a chance they'd kind of ‘share’ those gifts with me while they were feeding, meaning I get to feel what Mike desires, and… It went beyond wanting. He needed me. It was…” A single tear rolled down your cheek, taking you by surprise. “I love him so much.”

Jenelle wrapped her arms around your neck and pulled you close. “Girl, quit playin'. You love all of them, it's so obvious, seriously.”

“I really do,” you sighed. “This whole thing feels like home. It feels like forever.”

“But babe, you're not going to be around forever,” Rose said carefully. The thought had crossed your mind before, and every time it did, it made you feel queasy.

“You know,” you whispered, “I’m not so sure about that.”

[kaneaken]

ii. hello, my name is shikanoin heizou

previous × masterlist × next

" hello, my name is shikanoin heizou and i think i am being followed. "

" that makes it my issue because-? "

heizou groans, smacking his head against the desk.

" help a buddy out here, scara, " heizou grumbles, " i hope you know that if you were ever in my position, i'd be on the culprit's tail in a second "

" oh, yeah? then, go be your own detective, sherlock, and stop bothering me, " scaramouche retorts

" at least be my watson? " heizou pleads

" no. "

" pretty please? "

" i already said- "

" i'll leak those photos of you at our last sleepover. i bet your fangirls would love those "

and thus, began the investigation of shikanoin heizou and his trusty assistant, scaramouche.

" and how exactly do you plan to find your stalker sitting around in the band room? " scaramouche grumbles, scrolling through his phone as heizou paces around

" well, a good detective should never start an investigation without gathering prior information first"

heizou takes a seat next to scaramouche, pulling out his notepad and pen. he scribbles a few names down and some notes next to them

" you already have suspects? " scaramouche asks, glancing at the scribbled names

" not exactly suspects, more like witnesses who are likely to answer a few questions or even spill the beans "

" 'sup, kuki! " heizou waves to the arataki gang member to which she sighs, already shaking her head

" what did the boss do this time? "

" nothing that i'm aware of. we aren't here to get him in trouble. we just wanna have a chat "

" it definitely sounds like trouble to me when you say that "

" i agree with her," scaramouche pipes in

" anyways, ignoring what my partner here says, we just wanna know where he's at "

" the boss left a bit ago mumbling about studying for his math quiz, so i'd say he's by the vending machines, " shinobu sighs, " probably stress eating, which, by the way, if he is, would you stop him? he'll get sick like that "

" itto, what's- "

" it wasn't me! "

heizou watches as itto almost chokes on his granola bar. he pats itto's back until he calms down.

" sorry for the scare there, bud, but i've got some questions for you "

" about what? "

" well, i just so happen to have attracted some unwanted attention and i was wondering if you happened to know about it?"

" uh, well, i wouldn't call the attention unwanted, " itto mumbles

" and why do you say that? "

itto pauses and, nervously, avoids eye contact with heizou.

" well, i'm sure it's just someone who wants to get to know you. not that i know who it is, but maybe they're just scared that you're playing with their feelings and they're just scared to actually approach you to get to know you. just a guess though, haha "

heizou blinks, not expecting such a specific answer.

" i wouldn't happen to know this person, would i? "

" ... "

" ... "

the bell rings, cutting off the conversation between the two males.

" oh, well, that's the bell! gotta run, buds! " itto hurries away from the duo, almost tripping over his own two feet.

scaramouche looks over at heizou, pondering over what itto told said.

" afraid of me playing with their feelings... who have i talked to that would think that...? "

scaramouche grabs heizou's collar to drag him to class as he mumbles to himself

once they reach their classroom, scaramouche turns back to see a bright red heizou

" what got into you? "

" i figured it out "

" and? "

" it's y/n "

author's note; heizou dragged along scara for the scary dog privileges 😔 hope you guys enjoyed this installment :) taglist is open if anyone's interested <3 see you guys next time (⁠.⁠ ⁠❛⁠ ⁠ᴗ⁠ ⁠❛⁠.⁠)

[pesterloglog]

Dave Strider, Roxy Lalonde, Dirk Strider, Karkat Vantas

Meat, page 32

DAVE: yo

DAVE: love to chat but im kinda in the middle of something

ROXY: yo yourself but this is important

DAVE: uhhh

DAVE: more important than salvaging the global economy from potential disaster??

DAVE: sounds hugely unlikely

ROXY: idk about that

ROXY: in terms of scale and relativity and stuff maybe not

ROXY: its actually kinda hard to tell

ROXY: i guess in the grand scheme of things

ROXY: shes just takin a sort of nap

ROXY: but its one HELL of a nap bro

DAVE: a nap you say

DAVE: well this changes the fuck out of everything

ROXY: yea??

DAVE: nah

ROXY: lmao dirk just texted me about this

ROXY: somehow he found out about jade did u tell him

DAVE: uh no

ROXY: he just said make sure she gets lotsa daylight

ROXY: that itll help with the “exorcism she needs”.....

ROXY: and also to say hi to calliope for some fuckin reason??

DAVE: thats weird

DAVE: since when does he give a fuck about them

ROXY: idk

ROXY: guess ill just open the damn curtains and let some light in here

ROXY: he usually knows stuff about weird things

DAVE: so whats wrong with her again

DAVE: like

DAVE: some sort of demonic nap

ROXY: ok i wouldnt say shes NAPPING per se

ROXY: shes just like

ROXY: floatin here... upright

ROXY: eyes wide open

ROXY: and theyre both pitch black

DAVE: oh so she saw one of my latest sbahj campaign ads

ROXY: lol

ROXY: no dude

ROXY: like what im sayin is

ROXY: she looks a lil possessed

ROXY: by uh

ROXY: grim spirits n shit

DAVE: is she fucking grimbark again

ROXY: no!

ROXY: this isnt grimbark

ROXY: i KNOW what grimbark is dave this aint it

ROXY: it seems more serious tbh??

ROXY: like existing in some transformative state that isnt a literal fuckin joke

DAVE: ok yeah this does sound pretty bad

DAVE: but its not really my field

DAVE: did you try calling rose

ROXY: yea that was totes my original plan

ROXY: like no offense ur not #1 on my speed dial when it comes to this kinda thing

ROXY: but rose isnt picking up

ROXY: probly on account of ailments to be fair

ROXY: i called an unruly number of times

ROXY: and kan wasnt picking up either so...

DAVE: huh

DAVE: spooky

ROXY: hella spooky

ROXY: somethin about all this seems wrong

DAVE: yeah i guess

DAVE: what do you think is up

ROXY: idk

ROXY: i feel like theres something movin just out the corner of my vision but every time i turn to look at it

ROXY: its gone

ROXY: its givin me chills rn like im being watched

DAVE: well im no fucking ace detective

DAVE: or some gumshoe flatfoot dicking up the place suckin hard on my sherlock pipe like some sleuth of the fucking year

ROXY: dave

DAVE: but maybe we should consider the possibility that you are literally being watched

ROXY: ..............

DAVE: anyway can we hold that wise and rad thought i just had

DAVE: i gotta give karkat some emotional support

DAVE: since gettin jake on our side was a pretty huge fucking bonanza for us

DAVE: which has almost equal probability of winning us the election as it does blowing up in our faces depending on this speech he gives

DAVE: so we gotta like

DAVE: concentrate here?????

DAVE: instead of jerking each other off all god damned day for the rest of our lives

DAVE: (im just joking we dont actually do that)

ROXY: oh

ROXY: jakes on ur side then?

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: wasnt that hard to convince him after your girl j crock started slut shaming him on public access

ROXY: god dammit jane

DAVE: so i take it jade didnt convert you to our cause before going into her gothic trance fugue or whatever

ROXY: siiigh

ROXY: i just want this whole stupid political thing over n done with tbh

ROXY: i hate watchin u guys tear each other apart in the news

DAVE: yeah sorry about that

DAVE: sorry its making you feel bad i mean

DAVE: not sorry that were doin it

DAVE: itd be an unconscionably lame move to put something on a billboard that i didnt 100% stand by

DAVE: but that sounds suspiciously like something jane would do

DAVE: aka the bad guy in this situation

DAVE: like objectively speaking

ROXY: ugh pls dont start

DAVE: just sayin

ROXY: idgAF!!!

DAVE: also

DAVE: aside from how vehemently i disagree with every detail in janes shitty platform

DAVE: i also think

DAVE: karkats the right guy for the job

DAVE: full stop

ROXY: you rly believe in him dont u

DAVE: yeah

DAVE: of course i do

DAVE: because i...

ROXY: hey before you jet can i ask you another question

ROXY: theres somethin else ive been meanin to ask u about for a while

DAVE: uh alright shoot

ROXY: yea soooo

ROXY: dave how did you come out

DAVE: ...

DAVE: what?

ROXY: like as not being straight

ROXY: howd you couch that to ppl w/o them freakin out or being awkward around u

ROXY: do u think its ever too late to

ROXY: idk

ROXY: change ur mind?

ROXY: about the person you wanna be??

ROXY: like is there a some point of no return you can cross where everyone is waitin for u to have a big ass revelation about your internal character

ROXY: but its like “dude no u already used up all ur gay capital when u started datefriend cohabitating w a cute as hell skeleton alien”

ROXY: and anything after that ur just gettin greedy

ROXY: is greedy even the right word

ROXY: greedy for droppin bombshells

ROXY: bout gender identities and sexual preferences

ROXY: or ids n preffies as i like to call em ;)

DAVE: ids n preffies

DAVE: damn

DAVE: thats fucking good

DAVE: anyway uh

DAVE: thats a pretty deep question considering all the shit we have going on right now

ROXY: yeah ur right

ROXY: now is probs not the best time for a feels jam

ROXY: especially with the creepy jade situation happening on my couch here

DAVE: i dunno if id worry too much about that

DAVE: jade goes into trances literally all the time

DAVE: she fucking loves sleeping

DAVE: youd think someone who spent so much of her life locked in a state of dubiously consensual slumber would wanna get as few zees as possible in her adult life but not jade

DAVE: ive never known anyone who hits the snooze button more times in a row than her

DAVE: if youre that worried take her to a hospital

ROXY: im thinkin about it!!

ROXY: not even sure if i wanna like

ROXY: mess with her tho?

ROXY: how would i even take her there...

DAVE: ok well while you ponder whether you wanna dump jade in a wheelbarrow and trundle her groggy spooked-up ass to the hospital

DAVE: in the meantime ill rap at you about my epiphany concerning the desire to bone some dudes

DAVE: probably not a literal rap though

ROXY: wow im disappointed

DAVE: i mean i could TOTALLY rap about wanting to bone dudes if i wanted?

DAVE: im just on the fuckin clock here and theres lots of people lookin at me

ROXY: :(

DAVE: ok so

DAVE: what ive learned is

DAVE: coming to terms with all this bullshit is a thing you sort of do in stages

DAVE: like stage one is you making jokes about how sweaty dudes standing close together in tv shows seems really gay

DAVE: stage two is making jokes about that and not immediately adding no homo afterward

DAVE: stage three is flirting with all your male friends ironically and not even thinking about adding no homo afterward because youre so fuckin woke and secure in your ironclad straight masculinity that you dont have anything to prove to anybody anymore

DAVE: or thats just what you say out loud

DAVE: inside you start being like

DAVE: oh shit

DAVE: maybe yes homo

DAVE: stage four is freaking out about that and putting the no homo back on all your statements even objectively heterosexual ones which just stupidly makes everything you say sound extra gay

DAVE: stage five is

DAVE: actually wait the next few stages are various permutations of the same thing that i already described

DAVE: it starts being like a gay fractal

DAVE: anyway eventually you arrive at like stage nine

DAVE: which is reminding everyone who will listen that youre gay minimum six times a day

DAVE: in really lame ways like

DAVE: oh cool dude are you making hot pockets

DAVE: better make mine a gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause im a gay homosexual who only consumes homo ass snacks delivered right to my mouth by a big queer butler

DAVE: servin it right up on his huge gay dick

DAVE: but that all only applies to the extent which i am technically gay

DAVE: which in my case is only about maybe 30% to 70%

DAVE: so only cook 30% to 70% of my gay hot pocket

DAVE: cause you know straights are fucking animals who never defrost their pepperoni

DAVE: and i gotta rep for that like 50% straightness still lurking inside me like the idiot who fell asleep in the shopping mall when it was closing for the night

DAVE: so now theres just this straight dude locked in a dark fucking mall for some stupid reason haunting the place like a cryptid and rummaging through the trash in the food court

DAVE: also just in case janes opposition research is listening in on their illegal wiretap i know the word bisexual exists btw im just choosing not to use it in service of spitting some fuckin chuckle jokes here so lets all calm down and not let this one become a distressingly literal federal issue

DAVE: anyway when all is said and done

DAVE: you eat a half cooked hot pocket because all your roommates think the height of humor is taking what was obviously an improvisational riff at unironic face value to punk you

ROXY: dave...

DAVE: what

ROXY: nm

ROXY: i was gonna ask you why ur like this

ROXY: then i remembered about how ur half me and half dirk

DAVE: yeah it really is crazy how those dope late game familial reveals actually did explain everything

ROXY: so whats stage ten

DAVE: stage ten is uhhhhhhhh

DIRK: The Prince opens his fucking mouth, and just literally starts SAYING SHIT, out loud, because he doesn’t think he can take another fucking second listening to a pompous alien virgin monologuing about gender.

DIRK: No consequence, my ass. You may be able to suppress what I do with my mind, but you have no control over my mouth. I’m nobody’s fucking puppet.

DIRK: And you don’t even know my friends. They’re not yours to toy with.

DIRK: They’re mine.

DIRK: Do you even know where I am right now?

DIRK: Do you have the slightest idea what I’m up to

DIRK: Yeah, well. Try and stop me then.

DIRK: I fucking dare you.

DIRK: Here I go. I’m walking up the tower stairs now.

DIRK: Walk, walk, walk. Ah, the exercise feels good.

DIRK: Argh. Wow, yeah.

DIRK: You’re right. My feet are definitely getting heavy.

DIRK: But the Dead Cherub tragically underestimates the Prince’s determination. He powers the fuck through it. See?

DIRK: Stomp, stomp, stomp. Up the stairs he goes. No fucking sweat.

DIRK: Oh also, did he mention? He can fucking fly, so there’s that.

DIRK: He decides to take flight and cut to the chase. He whips up the hollow vertical shaft at the center of the spiraling tower stairs. Life in the fast lane kicks ass, it turns out.

DIRK: He can practically taste the top of the tower.

DIRK: The Prince busts out his sword and makes short work of that big old bell.

DIRK: The slicing is accompanied by the ear-shattering melodic sounds of metal being cleaved apart by an anime sword, as the Prince nimbly avoids the sharp pieces and ricocheting stair debris.

DIRK: He wonders out loud, “what is this, amateur hour”?

DIRK: The Dead Cherub then humorlessly narrates, “why, yes. yes mr. strider, it IS amateur hour. and i’m the amateur here, for throwing a huge bell at you. i would like to humbly apologize for my amateurism.”

DIRK: Sure you do.

DAVE: well lets just say internalized whatevers are kind of like an onion

DAVE: theres lots of layers

DAVE: they suck on pizza

DAVE: and trolls have to get their stomach pumped if they eat them

DAVE: this goes for gender stuff too btw

DAVE: which i kinda get the feeling is what you were actually asking about

ROXY: wow am i rly that transparent?

DAVE: nah but as previously discussed youre a lot like me

DAVE: so it was pretty easy to figure out what you were getting at

ROXY: yea

ROXY: i dont got ur poker face tho

ROXY: but im workin on that!

ROXY: maybe ill get a sick pair of shades too

DAVE: oh DOPE

DAVE: yeah thats dope i support that idea

DIRK: I’m on top of the tower now. I’ve got my long sniper rifle ready and everything.

DIRK: I check to see if it’s loaded. It is. I get in the PERFECT spot for taking aim at this hunky imbecile who’s about to give a speech.

DAVE: anyway i dont think any of our friends are gonna hold your feet to the flames over dumb shit like this

DAVE: and its not like anyone else is gonna care since we definitely forgot to program hating gays and women into earth c

DAVE: humans are all jacked up on hating xenophiles now

DAVE: which sucks a lot too dont get me wrong

DAVE: btw did you know janes a xenophobe

ROXY: dave!!!

DAVE: ok ok

DAVE: so does all this mean i gotta call you dad now or what

ROXY: wat

DAVE: i mean thats what were talkin about right

ROXY: well first of all

ROXY: do u still even make a habit of callin me mom??

ROXY: i thought u kinda stopped that

ROXY: even if it was effin cute

DAVE: oh yeah i guess i did

DAVE: but i could start again

DAVE: but not if it means id have to go to fucking gender jail or something

DAVE: like what i mean is i could start that cute shit again but switch to dad

ROXY: ok but SECOND of all

ROXY: i would never want to deprive dirk of that noble honorific

DAVE: what

DAVE: ugh no way

ROXY: hahaha yeah way hes ya daddy dude!

DAVE: aw fuck noooo

DAVE: wow man

DAVE: i would never call him that

DAVE: i mean i know its true but i just wouldnt...

DAVE: wait

ROXY: what

DAVE: something feels

DAVE: wrong

ROXY: ???

DAVE: like some shits about to go down

DAVE: and i gotta...

DAVE: karkat! dude!!!

DAVE: GET DOWN!

KARKAT: WHAT?????

DIRK: You’re absolutely right.

DIRK: I would never do that.

DIRK: I’d never kill Dave, no matter what I felt the stakes were. I’d never hurt him either.

DIRK: You do understand me pretty well, I’ll give you that. And you’re right about many things.

DIRK: But there are just a couple things you’re wrong about.

DIRK: Pretty important things, actually.

DIRK: First of all, this gun is loaded.

DIRK: But not with bullets.

DIRK: Yes. You’re right about the tranquilizer.

DIRK: But there’s one more fact you’re not aware of.

DIRK: Which is that I never intended to aim for Jake at all.

ROXY: hellooooooo

ROXY: dave??

ROXY: whered ya go

DIRK: No, that’s not what he does.

DIRK: He swings the rifle around one hundred eighty degrees, and points the scope toward the large, now-curtainless window of a distant apartment.

DIRK: He zooms in quickly, cutting even shorter the little time that the Dead Cherub could use to impede him in some way.

DIRK: He takes aim, lets his finger hover over the trigger, and...

DIRK: Ow!

DIRK: Yeah, you got me. Can’t move it an inch.

DIRK: The only problem is, he doesn’t need to pull that trigger.

DIRK: Earlier, when he was messing around with all this shit in plain view, he rigged the rifle to be voice-operated.

DIRK: All he needs to do is say...

DIRK: FIRE.

DIRK: I see. So you’re not going to say what happens next?

DIRK: Is that really how it’s gonna be?

DIRK: So be it.

DIRK: The tranquilizer dart hits the glass of Roxy’s apartment window before the sound from the rifle’s shot even reaches them.

DIRK: She hears the glass break. Seconds later, she hears the bang. She drops her phone on the floor.

DIRK: She doesn’t have the slightest idea what just happened until she looks over at Jade and notices the dart stuck in her neck, right in the jugular vein.

DIRK: She watches as Jade’s huge, creepy black eyes start getting heavy. Her eyelids sag, and her head tilts to the side.

DIRK: She shuts her eyes completely. Her hair stops floating around her ominously. In fact, there’s nothing ominous about her at all anymore. She entirely resumes her status as the cute doggy girl we all know and love.

DIRK: She slumps over and collapses onto the couch. She begins snoring loudly while making a little canine whimper on each exhale.

DIRK: Like the bitch she is.

DIRK: Oh, what’s that? You’re getting a little quiet for some reason.

DIRK: You’re going to have to speak up.

DIRK: Aaand, nope.

DIRK: You’re getting quieter, not louder. You’re gonna need to work on that.

DIRK: Maybe try shouting it?

DIRK: Yeah, I didn’t catch that at all.

DIRK: Not even one syllable.

DIRK: Guess that’s it for you? Back to not mattering.

DIRK: Not that you ever did.

DIRK: Come to think of it, why am I still talking out loud?

[rose-smoke]

hello<3

i had english and we had to write a mini story for it so i chose to writ 1 with canabalism and a main character that has a system:3

now i dont have a system myself, i did a lil research for rigt words but this post only exsists so i can check if i did anything wrong in my story so heres the story:

Skin For Teeth

"Its raining" Kikio pointed out to their best friend, Capella "oh my god, yeah sherlock, it sure is" Capella rolled her eyes, not looking up from her phone since it was apperently more entertaining then her own best friend "you want to know something dumb Ori did last night?" Kikio smiled, wanting for Capella to be more engaged "so Ori decided to jump onto the table to get onto the umbrella and then jumped off, thats how i got this" Kikio showed her the kind of bleeding bruise on their neck from Ori, one of Kikios alters gave them "why'd Ori do that?" Capella sighed, grabbing some band aids and putting them on the bleeding spots "i dont know, I think he was bored" Kikio guessed, getting up and grabbing their bag "anyway i have that date i was telling you about so bye" they waved to Capella as they walking out the door, suddenly feeling something thrown at them "hey! what was that for?" Kikio had a pouty face as they looked down, seeing an umbrella "oh..bye now!" they waved once again, this time using the umbrella as the walked to the cafe downtown for a date with someone they've never met in person.

Kikio enters the cafe, getting seated by the waiter as they look around for their date, seeing them come back from the toilet and sitting down "Hello you must be Kikio?" the person asked "yep I'm Kikio! You are olbin correct?" kikio double checked "correct, i go by he/they, whats you pronouns?" Olbin asked nicely "i go by they/them pronouns, Ori goes by he\it, Rose goes by she\they and Halin goes by anything" Kikio smiled, explaining their and their alters pronouns "cool, so whats your favouritie food?" Olbin asked as the waiter walked over "my fav is pudding, yours?" "oh i love many things, pudding being one of them" Kikios face lit up as Olbin told them that, they saw the waiter walking over to them "hello, I'm Jayce, I'll be your waiter today" Jayce smiled "have you guys made a decision on what to eat?" Jayce asked kindly "I'll have a-" Olbin looks at Kikio "...pudding and they'll have a pudding to?" Olbin looked at Kikio for confrention (idk) and Kikio nodded "alright two puddings, your food will be here in a seco-" "can i get a hot chocolate with it?" Kikio asked, rudely interupting the waiter by mistake (its not finished)

[edith-hyde]

Finally Watching The Teen Wolf Movie

I finally got access to Paramount+ and while I've been using it to watch Star Trek, I thought it was high time I tried to watch the Teen Wolf Movie.

Now I already know the ending and I already know who the bad guy is.

I am only 20 minutes in and I just... 4 people wrote this together and it still ended up this BAD? I thought when I saw people saying it was bad, that they were just overexaggerating. Nope. I already have SO MANY questions.

Why would Scott leave his pack?? That never made sense in the show and it still doesn't make sense in the movie. You're the Alpha bro. Act like it.

Why in the world does Liam have the nogitsune box?? He wasn't even there for that Arc!! Isaac was the one who had it last along with Chris. Why would they ever give it to Liam?? I guess if they thought he was the last place anyone would look but... idk. It's just weird.

Speaking of Liam, I have nothing against him being with Hikari. That's fine and dandy. They seem super cute. But... who... who were the guys with guns???? Is Liam a part of a gang? Are they his new pack? I have hopes this will get answered later in the movie, but knowing Teen Wolf... it probably won't.

I know we all are wondering who Eli's mom is. And it's like the writers aren't even trying to be logical with it. Allison died 15 years ago. Eli is 15. That means Derek had to have him with someone during season 3. But the only person he was with during that time was the crazy Druid lady, Jennifer. Are we supposed to believe she's the mom?? That doesn't even make any sense because she died just a few days after sleeping with Derek. My Conclusion: Eli is the Dawn of Teen Wolf. If you've watched Buffy, then you know what I am talking about. He has literally materialized out of nowhere and the memories of the characters were altered to make them think he had been there all along. The is the most logical explanation for his existence.

"Why is Jackson here?" is the summary of how I feel about this movie so far. It's like the writers totally forgot how AWFUL Jackson was when he was on the show. It was bad enough when they brought him back for no reason for the final season. This is even worse. He's not even really Jackson. It's like he went off to London and magically became Sherlock Holmes. Jackson was NOT that smart. EVER.

Scott saved the dog before saving the little girl. Wow.

They try to add cussing to be like "Yeah! We'Re A gRoWn Up sHow NoW!" But the dialogue is still cheesy as heck. Don't get me wrong, I love cheese, but this is just.... it's spoiled cheese. Also, JR seems like he just wanted to see how many F words he could get away with.

Oh so Chris just so happens to know some kind of ritual for this exact situation? And he's just bringing this up now?? The whole conversation between Scott, Chris, and Deacon is so clunky it hurts. (EDIT: okay so I thought Chris was acting funky. It's the fox. Alright. That's fine.)

Surprisingly, I am not that upset about Scott still pining after Allison. He's a wolf. Wolves mate for life. Plus it tracks for him. He's always been like that.

Lydia... I love you honey but what was that whole thing with rubbing down Scott's arm and holding his hand? Was that supposed to be a comforting gesture?? It was way too flirtatious.

Peter hasn't even shown up yet and he's the only reason I will keep watching.

[asherloki]

The museum deduction

BBC Sherlock

A/n :- it's a nice plot so I thought I should write it! Summary ! Changed it a little!

Plot by @selcouthangel !

I've been helping Mr Holmes in a case of his. As he knew I'm a good English professor he asked me to help him, he found a case and clues having the concept of some literary elements. Such as magic realism for example, so the chemist needed the help of a literature professor. After the help we used to make time to meet eachother, I'm not sure if it was dating or hanging out, I didn't think too much of it because all I want is to see him , be with him. That's what I am getting so I didn't have any complaint.

Anyway so my department organized a trip to museum for my students and asked me to take them alongside with my colleague mark. Mark is a good-looking guy so not only the students but the young professors also had a crush on him. I did too I guess but as far as I was aware of he liked me. We were enjoying our trip to the museum until we saw two men bursting into the museum talking loudly and seriously, my eyes can always recognise him, it's Sherlock Holmes! I couldn't resist but called "Mr Holmes?"

"Oh hi, nice to meet you here" he replied.

"You're on a case?"

" Oh yeah lestrade found a case for me of this ..." He talked about how he could deduced that a thousands of years skull was not real in the museum and he was there to find clues. "You get it?"

"Oh yeah, except I'm not good at history, but my colleague is good at this so you can ask him, Mark! Come here!"

"Doesn't seem good" he murmured, I wondered what's wrong but didn't paid much attention cause he can be crazy sometimes.

"Yes?"

"He wants to know..." Before I could say he tucked my hair behind my ear and said,

"Sorry it was covering your pretty eyes"

"Oh th-thanks mark" I blushed a little. And when I turned to Sherlock Holmes I saw him staring at mark as if he could pierce him with eyes. "what do you want from her?" Asked he.

"What?" Confused mark said.

"No no, be honest tell me"

"Mr Holmes what happened? Why are you being weird?"

"Right I'm weird, don't you see? This man is trying to woo you"

"What----" stammerd mark

"Oh please, look at you in that blue shirt, everyone knows she likes men in blue and look at that pretty face *mockingly* all flushed to see how pleased she is to see a handsome man tucking her hair, and you thought I would'nt notice that Bulge in your pocket which definately looks like a box of ring ? Are you trying to propose?"

Mark was stunned, so was John and I"mark? You want to propose me?"

"Uh! Was trying to ask you out"

"With a ring?"

"Come on you knew I like you"

"I'll talk to you in a minute" said I and turning to Sherlock I said "are you crazy? He's my colleague, why did you embarrassed him? And his liking me bothers you?"

"Because I've been falling for you" finally confessed he "your pretty eyes and pretty face and your glancing over your glasses and reading out literary things to me is all I want now"

I never thought a hyper rational detective like him would ever admit his feelings. But he did. And I loved him too much to let him down "all I want is you too" said I. I know Mark was was disappointed and John was overjoyed as we kissed. But being together is what I, rather we wanted. We fell for eachother like that.

[thenasoneshots]

Classroom Shippers - Lestrade x Reader

Requested?: No

Prompt: None

Reader's Relations: None

Warnings: None

Other Notes: You're a primary teacher in this

----------------

"Miss (L/n), is he your boyfriend?"

I felt my face flare up at the question from the small girl. Maybe taking a load of 11-12 year olds on a school trip alone wasn't the best idea… I bent down away from the detective inspector to her level, "No… he's not. Now did you need something?"

"But you love him though, don't you?"

Again, my face went redder than I thought was possible as I responded, "Millie, my love life is none of your concert at the moment. Please just go and have fun while we're here."

"But there's like police guys everywhere! We can't do anything, that's what I came to tell you!"

I sighed, "Alright, can you go and get everyone to come back to the bus then? We'll go to the hotel for the afternoon then."

She nodded and ran off as I took a deep breath turning back to Greg, "I'm sorry about that, but this is what I get for taking them on a school trip all on my own."

"It's kind of cute to be honest. They're just looking out for you, you know, (Y/n). Want you to be happy and all."

I smiled, "I guess you're right, so… what happened here that you had to spoil our school trip?"

"Murder case. I just hope that Sherlock doesn't appear…" Greg responded, muttering the last statement, causing me to giggle, "You know Sherlock though, he will appear. I wish you luck for when he does. I should probably go and get those kids to the hotel," I replied, before saying my goodbyes and walking off outside where I saw the kids sitting on the bus, Millie waiting outside. I smiled and walked up, "Good job, Millie. Everyone here?"

She nodded, "Yep! So… are you sure that guy isn't your boyfriend?" I just shook my head and got on the bus, her following me as I talked to the driver about where the hotel was we were staying at.

----------------

The last day we were in the centre of London for for the trip, again, somehow we managed to bump into Greg again.

"We meet again, (Y/n)."

I giggled, "Yeah. I guess we do. Another case?"

He nodded, "Yes, and unfortunately, that psychopath is already here."

I giggled, "I think you mean 'High Functioning Sociopath', Greg. You should listen to him though."

"I know, but he just makes Scotland Yard look like a bunch of idiots."

I giggled at his complaining but before I could say anything else, "Miss (L/n)!! When are we going home? Oh Hello again, Mr! Are you sure you're not Miss (L/n)'s boyfriend? This is the third day in a row we've seen you and her talking." My face flushed red and I hid behind the clipboard I had with the schedule written on as I composed myself, "Alright, We're going home now actually," I replied, checking the schedule, "To the bus!" The three boys smiled and took off, but before I could follow them, I felt a hand grab my wrist. As I turned around, Greg grabbed my upper arms and kissed me. I blinked and wrapped my arms around his neck, kissing him back.

"Are you sure he's not your boyfriend?"

I flinched back at Millie's voice and cleared my throat "Well, I gu-"

"I am," Greg interrupted me, wrapping his arms around my waist from behind, leaning his head on my shoulder, "Now I guess I should let your teacher take you back."

Millie smirked and ran off as I turned around so I was now facing Greg, "Thanks for that. Now she's going to tell the whole class and I'll never hear the end of it."

He chuckled and pecked my lips, "They deserve to know that their teacher isn't single anymore. Plus otherwise they'll just get mad at you when your name changes."

I rolled my eyes and giggled, "Is this your way of proposing even though we literally just got together?"

"Well, we're childhood friends, we've known each other for so long, (Y/n), but no, not yet. Maybe in a few years."

-----------------------

"Now, to conclude our final assembly of the school year, I'd like to pass over to our Year 7 teacher, Miss (L/n)."

I smiled and took a deep breath walking up to the small mic in the school hall as the headmistress patted me on the shoulder, "Good luck."

I nodded to her as a thanks before speaking into the microphone, "Hello to you all. Now those of you in year 9, might remember that school trip we had when you were in year 7, and how you kept asking me if the guy we kept running into was my boyfriend, well, when we come back in August, I won't be 'Miss (L/n)' to any of you anymore," this caused gasps and mutters of confusion to go around the hall, "as by that time that won't be my name. I am pleased to tell you all that I am getting married over the summer!"

There were many cheers throughout the school hall as I continued with one final point, "Oh, before I forget, Millie Williamson, please can you and your parents come and see me in my classroom after the assembly."

-----------------

"What did you want to talk to me about, Miss (L/n)?" Millie asked.

I smiled and bent down to her level the best I could, placing a hand on her shoulder, "Millie, how would you like to be the flower girl at my wedding?"

Her eyes widened and filled with joy, "Really?! You want me as part of the ceremony?!"

I nodded and she looked up to her parents a pleading look on her face. Her mother sighed, "Miss (L/n), may I ask why you want Millie to be your flower girl?"

"Well, to be honest, if it wasn't for her, then I wouldn't be getting married at all. It's thanks to her constant pestering two years ago that gave me the courage to confess my feelings to Greg, my now fiancé and I want her to be there as a thank you."

"I see."

"Please, Mum, Dad? Please can I do it?!" Millie asked again, causing both her parents to sigh, "Very well, what date is the wedding, Miss (L/n)?" I smiled widely and told them the date as Millie gave me a hug.

--------------------

I smiled, snuggling into Greg's side, the two of us sitting on the sofa in the house as I admired the shiny ring on my finger.

"How was today?"

My smile widened and I leaned up kissing him, "Absolutely perfect. I wouldn't have had it any other way."

"I love you, (Y/n). So much."

"I love you too, Greg. Both of you."

"Huh? What are you talking about?"

"I'm pregnant," I whispered in his ear before snuggling into his side and going to sleep.

[thesevenwondersofawitch]

Watching Star Trek Picard s3 ep4

Oh fuck Riker's talking about Thaddeus's funeral and I'm sobbing

"Deanna, as you know, feels everything. But she couldn't live with me feeling nothing. And neither could I, which is why I left, and I came here. I was running from this, only to find it again."😭😭😭

"Well, this is the end, my friend. And if I were you, I'd take the next few hours to get to know your son." OH FUCK MAN I'M SCREAMING

Poor Deanna and Kestra, man😭

SEVEN!!!!!!

OOOO WHO'S ROOM IS SHE IN

Oh shit! A

The fact that Will wants to keep this under wraps, raises red flags to me

SHE'S A SECRET AGENT NOW YAY!

Damn, the way Beverly is counting down 👀

"Beverly?" The way I just squealed 😂

The smile she gave Picard when he asked if she could give him and Jack a moment 🥺 she's so precious!😭🥺

Hell naw, Shaw is sketchy

Will is trying to record a message for Deanna and can't find the words😭

I'm cackling cause Jack isn't into wine😂😂😂😂😂

"This place is as good as any to die, I suppose." I love him

The fact that the elephant in the room is Picard's lack of hair😂

This guy does not look 23/24🤔

NOOOOO I wanna hear the rest of Jack's story!

Shaw👀 I'm 97% sure that he's the changeling, but I could be wrong

Cannabis 😂😂😂😂😂

OOOOOO SEVEN'S RANSACKING !!!

"Resi-goo" I'm cackling 😂

Oh my, that's nauseating *watching the enemy ship Captain cut her hand off*

5years ago again, I wonder if Jack came to see Picard and heard him talking?🤔

"I think we all need connection, don't we?"

Jack doesn't need to spend time with his dad, but

Holy shit! The changeling!!!!

Why did they have to make the Changeling gross looking when it turns to goo😭 it looks like raw meat🤢

Awwww, Jack didn't know why his mom named him after her first husband 🥺

"Get laid." I'M DEAD

FUCK YOU SHAW I WANNA KNOW WHAT JACK WAS GONNA SAY!

Wait Shaw and Picard met before?🤔

Oh shit

I HAVE CHILLS

Damn

"I'm just some dip shit from Chicago." 👀

Damn, the lieutenant probably died

"He was on that Borg cube, setting the world on fire!" CHILLS

Well, that explains why he doesn't like Seven

Ooooo the whole crew is staring at Shaw 😂

STILL HATE HIM THO

I love how both Jack and Picard looked lost on what Beverly was getting at😂

Ah, they caught on

I love Beverly so much!

"We hightail it out of the nebula, away from the gravity well, away from that ship and away from our new friends, the space babies."

I'M ABSOLUTELY CACKLING 😂

The way Jack is saying they should try what Picard and Jack the first did😂

"No one is coming to rescue us, Will." F you Picard I'm gonna be optimistic

"Deanna. Deanna would say it's about trust." OH SHE KNEW THAT THAT'S WHAT HE NEEDED TO HEAR

Riker's speech is giving me chills

"Despite the fact that you are indeed a dipshit from Chicago." ���

Wait is the Changeling pretending to be him?

Oh, nope I guess not

Seven giving Shaw his tools is giving flashbacks to my dad yelling at me and my sister when we 'helped' him fix the car as kids 😭😂

"Everyone take a deep breath, and hold it if you can." *Continues talking using up air*

"Engage" I'M SCREAMING

That is not Ensign La Forge

YEAH BABY!

"Ensign La Forge always calls me Commander Seven. Out of respect." YEAH

"Good call." No shit Sherlock

Oh my gosh, Jack's sitting on the bridge! JACK IS TELLING PICARD WHERE THE LOCATIONS ARE I'M FINE

"Trust me." I'M SCREAMING

I too would look at the guys in command if they told me to take life support off line, cause dude WTF

"Well Beverly, it's all on you now." WHAT?

Oohhhhh, they meant cause of her plan and stuff with the space babie contractions

Wait why are they taking the enemy ship with them?

OOOOOOOOO!

"Will did you just throw an astroid?"

"Damn right I did."😂

OH MY GOD

The space babies are so cute 😭🥺

Aww, this crew just got to witness the birth of new life😭

Beverly: "To week out new life."

Will: "I think we should body get the heck out of here."

I WAS RIGHT

JACK SAW HIS DAD AND ASKED HIM IF HE HAD A REAL FAMILY

"Young man, Starfleet has been the only family I ever needed." PICARD YOU IDIOT

OH PICARD JUST REMEMBERED THAT!

Will: "It reminded me, that there's a whole universe out there. And it can be beautiful and amazing."

Deanna: "You haven't said anything as lovely as that in a very long time."

Will: "I know. And that's on me. And I'm sorry. I'm gonna fix it, with you."

Who the fuck is in Jack's head? Poor dude is just trying to wash his face

[zandik-kidnaz]

Barista Scaramouche X Fem! Reader

TW: Smut, Blowjob, cursing and creampie

__________________________________________

Scara had just deal with a angry mother and her dead beat husband, luckily Faruzan took care of it cause she’s a baddie

“Oh, [Y/N] what are you doing here?” Faruzan asked you

“Isn’t scara’s shift almost over?”

“Yeah, it actually just finished!”

“Ok thanks!”

“He’s packing up in the break room so would you like to order in the meantime?”

“Sure! Can I get a tall carmel macchiato?”

“Of course! That will be out in a few minutes!”

Scara came out of the break room and went over to the table you were sitting at.

“Hello love” scara said

“Hiiii!”

He gave you a quick kiss then sat down with you, but as soon as he did Faruzan called your order so he got strait up.

“How was work?” You asked

“It was shit as always”

“Well at least you have tomorrow off!”

“Yeah I guess your right”

You guys got in the car. And on your way home you started to ask him about work and he told you someone threw another cup at another customer. You got home and Scara took a shower but after you came up to him whilst watching tv and you knew he was pissed off so you wanted to calm his nerves so, you went up to him and started to kiss him to turn him on. After a few minutes you got down on your knees and started to pull down him sweat pants then his boxers.

“Babe what are you doing?” Scara asked

“Nothing, just let me please you.”

You put his cock into your mouth and started to bobble your head

“Fuckkkkkk…..” Scara moaned out

His cock started to twitch so you started to suck faster, a few moments later he released into your mouth. You swallowed and looked up at him he was blushing like crazy, he pulled you onto your lap and he told you;

“Why did you do that?”

“Cause you we’re pissed off!”

“No shit Sherlock”

He started to make out with you as he slowly undressed you. Once all of your clothes were off he started to finger you. You moaned into his mouth, as he started to play with your breasts

“ my turn love”

He took his fingers out and slowly put his cock into your heat.

“S-Scara”

“Shush.”

You did as he said

He slid into you and started thrusting in and out, your moans filling the room and the more you moaned the more he got turned on. His thrusts were getting faster every second it felt like, he could see a small bulge on your stomach.

“Your such a slut [Y/N]”

“I-I-m your s-slut Scara!”

At this point your eyes were in the top of your head. You also started to feel him twitch.

“D-do you want be to pull out?” Scara asked

You didn’t respond.

“I’ll take that as a no….”

Scara released and once he pulled out literally globs of cum we’re coming out of you.

“You we’re such a good girl [Y/N]”

He helped you get up and get you into bed.

[prismatica-the-strange]

My Pretty Boy

Warnings: 18+, drug use, fluff, Eddie being the cutest bisexual motherfucker

Synopsis: Eddie in a skirt

Pairings: Forged in Hellfire

"Ooo!" Eddie smiles cheekily back at Mika on her bed, "Should wear these for me more."

He snickers when she glares, shoving the panties in his hands into his back pocket before going back to digging through her dresser.

"How do you expect me to wear them if you steal them?" She asks through the blunt between her lips.

"Oh, this is cute," He muses, ignoring her question as he pulls out a black plaid pleated skirt, "How come I've never seen you wear this?"

She looks at the clothing being held aloft between his fingers and shrugs, going back to her book.

"So woefully underused, aren't you?" He pouts, "I guess I'll have to fix that."

"No way, bucko, I'm not changing," She warns, not looking up from the inked pages in front of her, "I'm super comfy."

"Who said you were going to wear it?" He snipes back, standing up, "Looks just about my size."

She glances up when she hears him unzip his pants, eyes meeting his for a moment, "You gonna be a peeping tom over there?"

She raises one hand in surrender, "Sorry." She turns back to her book.

There's an array of shuffling fabric, before he stands in front of the bed, "Whaddya think?"

She looks back at him and she's taken aback, the skirt looks really cute on him. A lot cuter than it ever did on her, which is why it was gathering dust at the back of her dresser.

"Lookin good, Munson," She smiles honestly, making him flush slightly. She sits up and tosses her book aside, taking another hit, "Give us a spin."

He does a little twirl, skirt fluttering sightly and he freezes, a happily surprised look on his face, "Oh."

"Oh?"

His eyes find hers, "I think I just realized why girls like these so much."

She giggles when he starts swaying his hips to the music coming from her radio, grinning at the way the flowing fabric moves.

She watches him get used to how it feels before interrupting, "I think it's missing something."

"Oh yeah?" His voice excited.

She hums, snatching his pants from the floor and fiddling with them. She drops them back on the floor, turning to him with a smile and his chain and belt in her hands.

He has hearts in his eyes as he quickly tucks his shirt in and adds the accessories.

"Perfect!"

He looks at himself in the mirror for a moment before shaking his head, "No, not yet."

"What are you looking for?" She asks as he rummages around her room.

"I can't-" He opens her desk drawer, making a mess as he looks through it, "I want you to do my nails black."

"Oh!" She thinks for a moment before jumping on the bed. She leans over the edge, moving a couple shoes and soda bottles out of the way, "I got it!"

He pulls her back upright and into his lap, "Paint away gorgeous."

She tries to do a nice job, but it's hard when he keeps nipping at her ear and making her laugh.

"Hold still! You're gonna make me spill it!" She scolds.

"Hey, Mika?" There's a knock at the door.

"It's open!"

It opens and her little brother riot stands in the doorway, "Mom says she's ordering pizza, she wants to know if guys want some?"

"Ohh, Pizza sounds great, but we're heading to the movies soon."

"Whatever, cool skirt, Eddie." He says as he shuts the door.

"Riot likes my skirt," He grins proudly.

"I heard," She finishes his last few fingers and caps her polish, "So what were you thinking about going to see?"

"I was thinking of that new Disney one. What was it called? The one based on Sherlock Holmes."

"Great Mouse Detective," She says before holding his hands up, "Blow."

They each blow on one set of nails until she deems them dry enough by linking her fingers with his.

"I ever tell you I love you?" He sighs, kissing her hand.

"I think so... Refresh my memory?"

"I love you." The words spill from his lips before she finishes and she leans back into him.

"I love you too."

He looks over at the clock and jumps, "We gotta go if we wanna get there on time."

"The movie doesn't start for another hour."

"I wanna stop somewhere first."

"Oh, ok. You wanna bring your pants in case it gets chilly?" She asks as she grabs her bag.

"Nah, I'm man enough to ignore the cold," He grins, hand outstretched for her to take.

He holds the door for her when they get to Family Video, walking in behind her. After they find the movies he wanted to watch he goes up to the counter, hips swaying so the skirt swishes with each step.

"What are you wearing?" Steve asks.

"New skirt," Eddie smiles with a flourishing twirl, "Jealous Harrington?"

"Jealous? Of what?" He scoffs.

"That this ass is already spoken for, obviously," He teases, leaning his elbows on the counter, back arched to stick his butt out, "Cause it looks damn good right now."

"Get over yourself, Munson," He mutters as he puts the tapes into the system.

"Why don't you get over me?" He bites his lip, leaning further over the counter, putting his weight on his arms, and kicking his feet slightly.

"I'm sorry," Mika cuts in, stepping up behind him, "But are you flirting Edgar?"

"What?" He quickly stands up straight, "N-no!"

"Oh? Praytell then," She teases, "What were you doing?"

"Just showin' off my new duds to Harrington here," He plays with the ends of the fabric, "He thinks I look beautiful, don'tcha big boy?"

Steve's eyebrows furrow in confusion when Eddie blows him a kiss.

"Alright, you two gonna get a room, or are we going to the movies?" Mika asks, "Cause I'm going whether you are or not."

"My lady beckons," He sighs, hands wrapping around his freshly rented VHSs, "Our clandestine meeting must be cut short."

"Don't be so dramatic," Mika giggles, "You can talk to your boyfriend tomorrow."

"But Mikaelaaaa!" He whines as she pulls him towards the door, "It's destiny!"

"See you later Steve!" She waves.

"I don't get them." He mutters to himself in confusion as he watches them drive away.

⁙⁘⁙⁘⁙

"So which do you wanna watch first?" Eddie asks. He follows her through her house, as he looks at the tapes in his hand.

"I wanna watch... That ass get in my bed," She says, "I'm tired."

"Already? It's barely 11:00!"

"And I have work in the morning," She groans, turning to pout at him, "Now come on, I want my Eddie cuddles."

Her hands tug at his belt and he lets out a little growl, "How am I supposed to say no to you when you pout at me like that?"

He laughs when her face breaks into a grin and she pulls him toward her room.

"I love you in that, by the way," She comments when he sticks his thumbs in the waistband of the skirt to take it off, making him freeze.

"Really?" He smirks.

"Mmm, makes your ass look nice, and don't get me started on your hips!"

"Should I... leave it on?" He asks.

"I definitely wouldn't object."

He does take off his belt and chain before climbing into bed with her.

"What are you doing?" He asks when she straddles his legs, hands playing with the skirt's hem.

"Just admirin' how pretty you look," she reaches up to tuck his har behind his ear, "My pretty, pretty boy."

He looks at her with wide eyes and pink cheeks, "I should borrow your clothes more often."

She hums as she leans forward and kisses him, "I think you should keep it. Looks better on you anyway."

Her hands start to wander and he chuckles, "I thought you were tired, Songbird."

"'M not allowed to touch you anymore?" She whines. He melts when she nuzzles up against his neck, wrapping his arms around her.

"No, of course you can sweetheart," he kisses her hair, "But if my girl is sleepy, she should snuggle down and sleep."

"Mmm... okay." She relaxes against him, "Love you pretty boy Munson... My pretty boy."

°•°•°•°

Eddie Munson/Forged in Hellfire taglist: @pointlesslygay @ofherscarlettwitchways @canis-da-fanboy

[summaries-a-la-e]

A Study in Scarlet

so, there's two parts to the book. part one is the murders and part 2 is like backstories and motive. So, it starts of with john Watson talking about how he was in the war and he's a doctor but then he got shot so they said "hey, you, go back home because you can't help us with a gunshot wound" and we had to go so he left. he didn't know ANYONE in London and then at some point he runs into his friend, Stamford. so they talk and at some point john says "oh yeah i need somewhere to live" and then Stamford goes "you're the second guy to say that to me today". then Stamford explains who the guy (sherlock) is and then they get introduced in a lab where sherlock's trying to figure out something or another. then sherlock is all "i know this this and that from looking at you, lets move in together". so they do and then john's like "so this absolute nerd solves crime, performs experiments for fun, also knows poisons, but nil bout literature, philosophy, or the fucking solar system." then he goes on about this book or article he read and he's like "my god that's some bullshit right there" but sherlock is like aw man I wrote that. anyways cue this whole debate and sherlock being a smartass to prove his point. then the police come and Lestrade says "oi smartass theres been a murder and there's RACHE written on the wall". btw rache is the german word for revenge. so then they go to the crime scene and sherlock tells everyone the murderers height, weight, walking pace and possible illnesses based on foot prints and the word rache because, surprise rache was written with the killers blood. then one of the constables says "oh yeah no i saw this guy, matches yer description prrreeetty well, but he was drunk soooo." then they find a ring and they figure out that the drunkard was the murder and he was looking for the ring. so they put out an add for the ring. then there's another murder but this ones kinda sloppy, the guys been stabbed, not poisoned. oh yeah the other guy was poisoned btw. anyways, sherlock called for a very specific cab, and when the cab got there, he took the cabbie out and was like "him, thas the guy you're looking for" and everyone was like wooooooot, so he explains how he figured it out based on the.... everything. then there's part two, and that bit explains why. the general vibe is this guy found this kid in a desert, saved her life, and then adopted her. they went to live in a mormon village and the dad got rich, and then the girl grew up and she fell in love with this stranger (aka outsider) and she wasn't allowed to marry him because mormon rules. she was supposed to marry one of these two other guys, who were like the chads of the village, and they were fighting over her, but not in a good way, more like how a petulant bratty rich kid acts. also both the guys had like a LOT of other wives, like I'm pretty sure one of them had like... 9. but the lassie in question was like uh uh no way am i marrying one of em freaks, so she decided to escape with her boyfriend/fiancé and dad, except the village found out and started chasing them, so the fiancé (aka the murderer, just btw) goes to get some fire wood, but when he comes back his gf's been kidnapped and her ad murdered, so he has to walk back to the village, which takes a couple days, where he finds out she got married a few days before he got back. then he's like "guess ill just leave then" BUT then he finds out she died only a few months later because of depression and sickness and her shitty husband not giving a fuck about her, so he tracks the two of em down, which takes a couple years, he develops a bad heart condition, which causes nosebleeds and that's why there was RACHE written on the crime scene in his blood, because the heart thing and he wanted to confuse the cops. he also wears her wring on a chain and that's why he was so desperate to have it back. SO, BACK TO THE STORY, he finds them, kills them, gets arrested, and then dies in jail cuz his heart blew up.

THE END

[riverstardis]

in the name of love:

connie enjoying her name being on the office door

lmao zoe telling max to leave some space between their arrivals

“she who is now me”

connie having meetings with everyone now that she’s clinical lead

ethan being in the middle of treating a patient when he’s meant to have his meeting so connie goes with him to watch

“right, you were with that patient for over 18 minutes, what’s your diagnosis?” and then he takes ages saying what his diagnosis actually is sjskfkf

“dr hardy you have the most breaches of the 4 hour target of any doctor in the hospital” “right. i’m guessing that’s not good?” “no, not in the ed. if you want to run thousands of tests become a rheumatologist not an ed physician” “i’m hoping that’s sarcasm and not a recommendation?” “correct. you’re gonna burn yourself out not to mention my budget.”

then he exhales after connie walks off and lofty pats him on the back sjskdkfjdjd

jeff saying his wife’s away in peru and “it’s complicated” so you’re not gonna tell her exactly how it’s complicated because it sounds like you’re tryna cheat😭😭

LMAO lofty going “what’s up, sherlock?” to ethan

he’s got a patient with a chest infection and he thinks it’s probably just a normal one but he wants to know which pathogen caused it but then connie walks past and he’s like “though, that’s not something we will necessarily work out now in the ed”

lofty going “you’re going to look up chest microbiology in your break aren’t you?” and ethan goes “probably” SJDKFKFK nerd (affectionate)

lofty robyn and max selling sweets and chocolates

“ah lofty, i’ve been hearing tales of illicit confectionary”

lmaoo ash finding robyn and lofty selling out of a store cupboard

oop cal’s turn and connie is not happy “dr knight.” “hey” “hey?” “sorry i missed our appointment i got stuck with a patient” “no according to the records you never get stuck, you have the fastest turnover of patients there is” “thank you very much” “no it wasn’t a compliment. my office. your notes are very sketchy. CN2 12 intact? that doesn’t tell me you’ve done a full neuro examination” “yeah but that was just shorthand, i always do every step” “if your patient walks out of here and dies i would not be able to defend you in a coroner’s court, be more thorough dr knight, in you go”

i love how cal has the exact opposite problem to ethan. and i love how different connie’s demeanour is with them skskfkfkf ig bc cal didn’t tell her that he couldn’t make the appointment and then was so cocky and dismissive whereas ethan actually listened to what she told him

patient’s dad asking louise if she knows what these pills are and her saying “sorry i’m not a medic” interesting…

the patient who was flirting with jeff is on some “friends of holby trust” committee with connie and they raised money for an echo machine. connie saying she normally goes private so they have to show her the very best of the nhs

“ten years ago ct scans in the ed were unheard of. if i get my way, you’ll be training in echo, and a lot more besides” and zoe rolling her eyes sjskfkfkfk

connie letting ethan use the new echo as a reward🥺

i love how the patient’s literally awake here like it must be so disconcerting to be aware of a consultant actively training a junior doctor using you, even if it’s just a scan

i hate that i now can’t watch this scene without thinking of that bloody london episode. honestly fuck whoever thought up that kiss😭

connie and zoe walking towards the door as they watch ethan with the echo “he’s in his element” “mhm” “i hired a few good ones in my time” “yeah, you did” i love how he can absolutely still hear them like they didn’t even leave the room just walked like a metre further away from him sjdkdkfkf

robyn and lofty trying to sell lily some chocolate. unsuccessfully of course

aww ethan telling cal “mrs beauchamp let me do an echo on the guy who collapsed in the car park!” and cal replies sarcastically “wow. that is impressive.” and zoe’s sighs like “oh, give your brother his moment of glory for once” and cal really over exaggerates and pats his shoulder and goes “well done”

lmaoo max asking zoe if she and connie have finally called a truce and she’s like “i’m not that petty. anymore”

rita saying she feels like she’s walking on fletch’s grave by applying for his old job skskdkfkfk you can literally see him again in like a few weeks

jeff going to visit the woman who was flirting with him and she’s wearing heels despite having a cast on her leg???? girl…

[phrootsnacks]

jjba thursday: part 4 ep 10-12

today I had to write an email--it gets worse-- asking for a letter of recommendation. but I think the prof I asked actually likes me, altho she scares me, so idk.

man im so jealous I bet josuke never has to write any emails

episode 10 - Let's Go Eat Some Italian Food

ok you already know im a drawfee fan right. and if youre also a drawfee fan you may remember nathan's favorite jjba part is part 4 because after they beat up guys they become friends and they eat italian food. I'd say this part so far hasn't been exactly that? like its been pretty dark? so im excited for them to have a fun time and be friends and eat italian food

okuyasu

this seems like a nice restaurant. and the chef guy also seems normal (*actively choosing to ignore the opening scene*)

what in the bbc sherlock holmes

okuyasu

????? I just. what

"the first people to use tomatoes as a culinary ingredient were the italians" uhhhh????

ok tonio is just kind of an asshole

ratatouille moment

"hey! old buddy old pal! d'you think you could share some of that with your bestie?" I love the dub i dont care what anyone else thinks

this is normal for an italian restaurant I think

adsfgjhkjlgfds

whore's pasta????

okuyasu

imagine if the next time you when to they dentist they gave you spaghetti with bitch sauce

this guy is a stand user? no wayyyyy

wowwwww

can't have diarrhea if you don't have organs. but you also need to wash your hands with soap

they really did just eat italian food. wait his stand is named pole jam

episode 11 - Chili Pepper, Part 1

I love josuke's mom

hes in your walls. in your cables. coming out of your tv to talk shit to your face

this electric bird is so gay right

talk shit get hit

oh great I missed koichi telling us what's happening. the show doesn't make it obvious enough

I love jotaro talking shit about old man joseph. its just so matter of fact

"I was here the whole time"

chuck a rock or something

yeah!!! ... ?

wait all this was about killing his dad right. or rehabilitating his dad? what's up with okuyasu's dad now

thank you for the exposition koichi. it was both necessary and greatly appreciated

this is, death note,

"eat shit and die you glorified night light" AHAHAHHA

why are the underground cables so shallow

lololol koichi's reaction and then jotaro going "oh yeah"

peed agon

episode 12 - Chili Pepper, Part 2

electricity can flow through salt water. jotaro, youre a marine biologist. you should know the ocean is salt water. can we please talk about how jotaro is a marine biologist like. what? why? I wanna see jotaro be a marine biologist please

koichi;s stand has a range of 50m what do you MEAN hes gonna help find this guy. 50m is not that far

oh my god I love his design its so silly are you fucking kidding me!!!!

hes 19

oh my god. they are both so sassy

it is pretty sick

nice

"guess im the superstar now, cause i'm gonna rock this loser's world" hey. is it just me or

idk "to rock someone's world" always has a connotation to it to me

this is not anarchism

koichi freaking do something

get put in a tire idiot

oh my god hes melting ahahaha wow

"we" what do you mean "we" . koichi.

how much of joseph's behavior is an act

hey....

why did you just. ignore his body

okuyasu

"that deduction stuff is for the birds"

tfw you're tsundere about your dad

okuyasu

stop saying nationalistic fear mongering shit jotaro!!!

wow im so glad they ate some italian food. okuyasu really doesn't like chili peppers. im also getting around to the animation style for this part, at first I didn't like it but its growing on me, and I'm starting to like josuke's design

*update on the email begging for a letter of recommendation* she says it would be a pleasure to write one for me :)