#okay now i gotta go keep writing bc it's still not done oops

[sam-loves-seb]

wip wednesday

happy wip wednesday !!

haven't done one of these in a while but i have so many wips going on right now that i haven't and/or can't start posting yet and i'm itching to get some of this out there in the world

tagging: anyone who wants to share a bit of their wip !

this one's going to be kind of a longer one so i'll put it under the cut:

***

Ian stands frozen on the floor.

He thinks he can make it back to the kitchen without Mickey seeing him if he moves now, right fucking now before he finishes paying and turns around, so Ian tries to scoop up his bin, the table only half cleared, but he bangs his knee into the side of the booth and the silverware rattles loudly.

Mickey looks over at him suddenly, and it’s like Ian can’t breathe.

There’s a buzz—a thrill—that thrums through his body. It starts just under his sternum and goes all the way out to his fingers and his toes. His face feels hot, his cheeks definitely pink by now, and his hands twitch on the bin, suddenly too energized to stay still.

“Fuck,” Mickey mutters, then turns back to Fiona. “Does your whole fucking family work here now, or did you guys move into the back room?”

“It’s just me and Ian,” she tells him easily, handing him his change. “Debbie’s… visiting.”

Debbie makes a noise. “Debbie is just trying to eat her pancakes while she gets harassed by her bitch of a sister.”

Ouch. Ian watches the near imperceptible flinch on Fiona’s face and knows that one had to hurt.

“What for?” Mickey asks, glancing at Ian again briefly before turning his attention on Debbie.

That look is enough to get Ian moving again, quickly clearing away the lasts of the coffee mugs and water cups. He feels… He doesn’t know what he feels. Only knows that he does feel which is more than he’s been able to say in a long time.

“She wants to kill my baby,” Debbie answers.

“What baby?”

“The one growing inside of me.”

“You’re pregnant?” Mickey asks incredulously, eyebrows jumping high before furrowing in confusion. “You’re like… twelve.”

Debbie glares at him. “I’m fifteen.”

“Same shit.”

“Mickey!” Fiona says suddenly, like she just had an idea. “You have a kid.”

Mickey blinks. “Yeah.”

“Can you talk some sense into Debbie and tell her how much it sucks?”

Ian’s hand hovers over the last mug he sets in the bin. He waits for it, turns his head and looks for it.

Mickey thumbs his lip, sort of shrugs. “S’not that bad.”

Fiona rolls her eyes.

Debbie beams.

And Ian? Well, Ian fucking laughs.

It’s a short, single puff of air, but it’s loud enough to get Mickey’s eyes back on him. He glares at Ian, his jaw clenched and his eyes cold, and it makes Ian’s blood sing.

“Since when?” Ian spits out in pure disbelief.

“Since none of your fucking business,” Mickey bites back without hesitating.

Ian opens his mouth to reply, but—

“Maybe if you’d actually stuck around, you’d know.”

Ian flinches at that. His body actually lurches back half an inch like he’s been burned, and he starts to remember the kind of pain the boy standing across from his is capable of inflicting.

He kind of wants him to do it again.

“Okay, Mickey,” is all he says instead.

He grabs his bin full of dirty dishes and turns towards the kitchen, reveling in the feel of Mickey’s eyes on the back of his head the entire way there.

Once he’s out of sight though…

Ian drops the bin loudly on the counter. “Fuck!” he whisper-shouts, running his hands through his hair.

He feels like he might die. Like his heart is beating so hard it’ll break his ribs, like it’ll beat right out of his chest. His body is on fucking fire, and his hands are shaking.

He’s… angry.

He thinks.

Ian honestly can’t tell the difference anymore. Ever since he got on his meds, even after they stabilized him and leveled him out, he’s been in this fog. It’s thick and it’s heavy and it makes everything feel almost exactly the same.

Like nothing at all.

Until Mickey fucking Milkovich walks into his place of work and orders lunch and talks to his sisters like he knows them well—because he does, doesn’t he? He knows them better than most after all the time he’s spent at the Gallagher house over the last few years.

He looks at them like they were friends, once, maybe. In another life. But he looks at Ian with hatred in his curled fists and anger in his clenched jaw and something—something—that he’s desperate to hide behind the cold, empty façade in his eyes.

And Ian—yeah, Ian kind of hates him a little bit too.

But there’s more, so much more, bubbling just under the surface, just out of reach, and as Ian is desperate to grasp at it, to understand it, the adrenaline from the confrontation starts to ebb. The fog starts to settle around his peripheral once again, and he puts his palms on the edge of the sink and curls his fingers over the edge, gripping hard to the cool metal basin.

***

-- an excerpt from a sbb fic coming to an archive near you in 2024

[imjusttpeachy]

she's a rae of sunshine (c.h.)

okay so this was a request but i completely read it wrong so i’m gonna write it again but i finished this one anyway so here take it

so sorry to the anon who requested it bc u were so fuckin sweet i’ll have it up asap i promise

playlist

ralph castelli - morning sex

crumb - bones

jorja smith - teenage fantasy

summary: balancing college life and wanting to support your best friends online endeavors was difficult, but reader regrets trying a little harder when she finally meets one of her newer stream-mates

word count: 2, 828

WARNINGS: she/her pronouns used, coarse language, lowkey OOC Corpse, that needs its own warning i’m sorry,

•••

“Look you knew I had to stream before I said you could come over ya fuckin idiot.”

“Yea I knowwwww, I just wanted to spend more time with my super-hot best friend forever.”

Being the best friend of an online personality had its perks— the amazing trips you got to hitch a ride on, the adoring fans that seemed to latch on to you as well, the sponsorships that would always send you something along with the original PR package, and especially the way she was able to choose their own work hours.

Well... mostly.

As much as you adored spending time together during the day, whether it be shopping or going out for brunch, those late nights that always seemed to hold the most memories you held so dear were few and far between. Of course, you couldn’t blame her; responsibilities were responsibilities, and fuck if you’d let your selfish wants override the way she chooses to get her work done. You really couldn’t be one to judge either-- having to call off dates because you’d underestimated the time you needed to complete a school paper, or when a last-minute lab was called in and you’d have to leave her sitting alone in those cafes with your half-finished mocha and a promise to Venmo her the money to cover it later. What left you feeling the most guilty, though, was the fact that you weren’t able to watch her content as much as you’d like to. Sure, you’d catch a few minutes of a stream here and there but any time you spent apart was usually spent with your head buried in a book, mind bleary with countless espresso shots trying to keep your tired eyes focused on the seemingly unending work in front of you.

But, a distraction every now and then couldn’t hurt. Right?

Having had enough of your current assignment, any coherent thought was long gone, you’d decided to pay your favourite person a little visit. You knew she’d probably be busy as she hadn’t replied to your previous text for a few hours, but knowing her presence alone and any passing comments would lift the heaviness that had found its home in your head and chest, you shot her a message to let her know that her office couch would be occupied by you for the next few hours. Normally, you’d just show up so you knew she wouldn’t have a problem with it; so when that fateful message popped up on your phone giving you the go-ahead you completely ignored the warning of her work schedule and drove right over.

So now here you were, sprawled haphazardly on her couch clad in sweats and a sports bra scrolling through your phone as you watched her finish her final touches so she could start her stream.

“You’re gonna be in the background of my face cam if you wanna sit there y’know.” Groaning in response to her warning not wanting to move from the comfy spot you just found, you looked over at her with the best puppy eyes you could muster. She chuckled softly, raising her hands in surrender as she turned back to her setup. “Hey I really don’t care, just warning ya bug. The thirst comments and screenshots are outta my hands.”

Scoffing under your breath at her comment, you turned your head back to your phone as a Twitter notification popped up at the top of your screen.

Corpse Husband: streaming among us in a few mins, join in on youtube

Heartbeat picking up slightly, you scrambled for the purse you’d thrown at the base of the couch for your headphones. Ever since you’d found this handsome-voiced stranger’s channel on your late night horror binges, you had fallen completely in love. While you weren’t typically the type to watch video game commentary outside of Rae, his voice got you completely hooked and you couldn’t get enough of it. Yeah, maybe you were a bit of a simp, but that sweet and genuine personality that hid behind that gravelly tone had you melting completely into his clutches. You tried to convince yourself to get over it, you didn’t even know what he looked like. But, y’know, a little crush wouldn’t hurt anybody right?

“Going live in T-minus 30 seconds babe.” Jumping slightly as Rae’s voice knocked you out of dreamland, you mumbled out a small “got it” as you once again got focused on getting your headphones connected to your phone. You’d never been able to watch one of his lives before, his horror commentary videos usually playing as background noise as you did schoolwork or while you were falling asleep. Practically shaking with excitement, you opened your YouTube app seeing the live at the very top and tapping on it immediately only to be met with that sweet laugh ringing through your headphones like music to your ears. You grinned to yourself, grabbing the throw pillow you had previously tossed to the floor and hugging it to your chest while your eyes remained glued to your phone screen, completely forgetting what was happening around you as you zeroed in on the gravelly tone you’d fallen oh-so in love with.

“Hey (Y/N) wave hi.” You startled slightly as the faint voice of your friend sounded from across the room. Glancing up from your phone, you pulled an earbud from your ear and furrowed your brows at her before slowly processing what she said, lifting a hand in greeting to her watchers. She laughed at your confusing antics, turning slightly in her chair to look over at you. “What the hell are you so smiley about?”

“…Nothing..” You grinned widely as her laugh once again resounded around the room, shaking her head at you before turning back to her screen with a scoff, muttering something under her breath so only her watchers could hear. Smile still plastered across your lips, you settled back down into the comfiness of the couch and popped your earbud back in, zeroing in again on the screen in front of you. Watching as Corpse moved his character around the lobby as he waited for his friends to join, a small giggle escaped from under your breath; trying your best to be mindful of Rae’s stream but not being able to hold back the flustered feeling welling up in your chest, mind giddy with the thought of finally being able to see one of his famous live streams, well, live. It had only been a few seconds later when you heard Rae’s voice once again, only this time, not as muffled as before.

“What’s up motherfuckers.” Brows furrowing in confusion, you lifted your hand to your earbud and pulled it from your ear once again, hearing her voice from across the room but from your other earbud as well. No, there was no fucking way. All your questions were answered, though, as you glanced back down at your phone screen seeing a red character move around the game lobby along with Corpse’s, the gamer tag ‘Valkyrae’ floating just above it. Blinking hard at your screen trying to convince yourself that your eyes were lying to you, you slowly pulled your hand to cover your mouth in shock. How… How could you possibly not know they knew each other? With the way they spoke to each other in sarcastic comments, poking fun at the other it sounded like they were close too. Body finally catching up with your thoughts, you scrambled at your phone, shaky hands moving as quickly as they could to pull up your texts with Rae. Your fingers tapped furiously at the screen, anxious to get back to the live stream to listen in more but also needing to know what the fuck was going on.

TO my rae of sunshine: care to explain what the fuck is going on??! how the fuck do you know corpse husband?????!??!

“Oops sorry guys, guess I forgot to turn off my phone ringer-“ Staring up at the back of her head helplessly, you watched as she picked up her phone seeming to read out the text before bursting into a peal of laughter. Tossing a look at you over her shoulder, you looked back down at your phone bashfully, seeing the three loading dots in your message thread indicating that she was messaging you back.

my rae of sunshine: lol what about it? you gotta crush on him or something?

TO my rae of sunshine: …no

Hitting send you rushed back to the stream, anxious to see what Corpse was saying in response to Rae’s absence, not thinking anything about your brief conversation and thinking you would discuss it after she had logged off for the night. Though, as you heard her phone chime again from across the room followed by another bark of laughter, you knew you weren’t getting off that easy.

“What are you laughing about?” Corpse’s honeyed voice sounded from your earbud, hearing Rae’s giggles from what you presumed to be their discord voice chat. Glancing anxiously between his stream and the reflection of Rae’s face cam in one of her monitors, your heart began to sink as you watched that familiar mischievous grin tugging at the edge of her lips.

“Oh just my friend (Y/n) sent me a funny meme”

“Wait, is she the one in some of your Instagram posts?” You swear your heart stopped beating at that moment, eyes glued to the screen in front of you as you tried helplessly to process the conversation happening right in front of you. He knew who you were? You thought you’d always be lost among the hundreds of thousands of his new adoring fans, left in the anonymity of your Twitter tag in his subtweets, or just another subscriber that fawned over him silently behind a keyboard. Knowing that he’d actually seen your face you could feel your own beginning to heat at that moment; you brought your hands your mouth again, unknowingly curling your body tighter around the pillow in your lap as you tried to hide your face behind it as you become more and more flustered from the words nonchalantly escaping his mouth.

“Yea that’s her, pretty thing isn’t she? She’s my absolute favourite.”

That’s it, you were gonna fucking kill her.

“I mean, yeah... I guess..” The timid words followed by a soft awkward chuckle had your breath hitching in your throat. There was no fucking way this was happening. This had to be a dream, that was the only possible explanation. You were just about to pinch yourself when Rae’s voice startled you from your thoughts.

“She’s actually over right now. She insisted on getting wine drunk later tonight because her professor’s been on her ass lately. I’ll get her to come say hi.” Rae had barely turned around in her chair when she was met with your wide-eyed gaze, panic painted across your features as you shook your head wildly. You were in no state to be talking to your long-time internet crush in such a casual setting. But with the look Rae shot you from her chair as she started to plug another headset into her PC, you knew you had no choice and begrudgingly pulled yourself from the couch almost tripping over your own feet as you shakily walked over to Rae. Shooting her another pleading look, she only shoved the headset in your direction in return as she grinned up at you. Finally biting the bullet, you pulled on the headset and leaned down toward the mic.

“Hi, how’s it going?” Cursing at yourself for how quiet and shaky your words came out, you barely had any time to think it over before a chorus of greetings sounded through the headset. A small giggle escaped your lips as you watched the different Discord icons appear and disappear from the top of the screen. You knew most of these people already which made you even more confused as to how you managed to miss that voice from all the discord chats and voice calls. Well, knowing them was a bit of an overstatement anyway; you knew /of/ them, and they knew /of/ you in the other times you popped up in the background or in passing conversation during Rae’s streams. They did know you well enough, though, to know this was not the way you usually spoke around them.

“No way, that can’t be the (Y/N) I know!” The voice you recognize as Sean echoes through your headset, another chorus of knowing laughter following quickly after. Taking a deep breath you managed to force out a few words that would get them off your case.

“…Shut the fuck up”

“There she is!!” As the group erupted in laughter yet again, all you could focus on was the faint deep chuckle that resounded through your headset. Feeling your face start to heat up, you covered your wide grin with your hand as butterflies burst through your stomach; you could listen to that laugh all day. Before you were able to speak again, though, that heavenly voice piped up and wiped all train of thought from your mind.

“Nice to meet you (Y/N).”

“It’s nice to meet you too Corpse. I gotta be honest ‘n say I’m a pretty big fan of your no-sleep work.” And... there’s the word vomit. Fuck, you could feel your cheeks starting to heat up with the ongoing realization of who you were talking to.

“Aha thank you, I uh really appreciate that. I’m sure you just heard, but I guess you could say I’m a fan of yours also.”

No.

No, there’s no fucking way.

Is he...

Flirting with you?

Before you could even think about what to reply to that with, the rest of the group beat you to it.

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, what is happening.”

“CORPSE! You SIMP!”

“Is- Is Corpse really shooting his shot right now?”

You didn’t realize you were frozen in place until you felt Rae’s hand on your elbow, snapping you out of your bewildered trance as you tried to comprehend what was happening yourself. As your thoughts finally caught up to the present, you could feel your cheeks start to burn; pulling your hand up to cover your face you stepped out of the view of the face cam. Rae’s laughter filled the room as she watched your flustered antics, shooting you a sly grin as she started scanning the monitor displaying her live chat.

“Wait, wait, chats telling me (y/n)’s blushing right now?” Sean’s voice echoed through the discord chat, only making you flush further as you tried desperately to find a way out of this.

“Okay, okay, leave her alone.” Corpse’s voice finally piped up amid all of the chaos causing everyone to immediately pipe down. God, you didn’t even want to begin to think of the mess this has already made, you just needed to get out of there before you caused any more damage.

“Yeah, I uh- see- see that the lobby’s full so I’ll just uh- leave you guys to it.” Quietly thanking the stars that Corpse finally got you out of this mess, you went to pull the headset off your ears when that fateful voice piped up again.

“Wait, don’t let these nerds make you leave. You should stay- I mean, only to help Rae y'know? She needs it.”

“I do not!”

“I- I mean yea sure, as long as I’m not intruding,” Cursing yourself again for stuttering before forcing yourself to swallow the knot in your throat, “I mean, she really does need the help.”

“Okay just because you want to flirt some more doesn’t mean you can bully me-“

“Okay, I’m starting the round!” The booming accented voice cut off everyone else in the call as you all stared as the screen began to count down to the game, and before anyone had the chance to say anything else a chorus of laughs resounded, and then the lobby fell into silence.

•••

And it went on like that, the not-so-subtle flirting followed by relentless jabs from the group immediately after. The game was almost forgotten with how much of each lobby was taken up by teasing words and endless laughter, but every audience was just eating it up. You didn’t even want to think about the mess social media was going to be after this stream but right now you were having fun with your friends and that’s all that mattered. The grin was practically plastered on your face as you laughed along with Rae the chat during the gameplay portions and you knew everything from this moment on was gonna be different, but you couldn’t find a single thing within you to care.

Especially when you logged onto Twitter right after the stream and saw that little message right at the top of your requests.

@.corpsehusband: wanna hear some of that no sleep work in person?

•••

beep bop here u go,

[dameronology]

home {poe dameron x reader}

summary: poe made a promise to always come home, and it’s one he’s determined to keep

warnings: swearing, mentions of injuries 

more hurt/comfort fluff?? i almost sent myself off to sleep writing this bc of the ending and bc i am shattered. anyhoo, enjoy!

- jazz

p.s i skimmed this, but it has not been properly proof read haha oops pls bare with me, i will do it in the morning 

It had only been five days. 

You’d been apart from Poe for far longer than that; sometimes weeks, sometimes months. It was just part of being in the Resistance, and something you both knew you had to do, but it didn’t make it any easier. You must have had some pretty foul luck to have met the love of your life during a time in which the galaxy insisted on keeping you apart - but one look at the pilot, and all that faded away. He always made it home to you, no matter what. He’d made that promise to you pretty early in the relationship, and you knew it to be true. You could never doubt Poe. 

The Blue Squadron was due back to base at midday; the mission had been pretty secretive, so the comms lines had been shut most the time. Even after begging Leia to let you man the singular one that connected you to Poe, she’d refused, knowing it would only make things worst. The General only ever spoke from experience, and she had plenty in waiting around for cocky pilots. Whilst Poe was arguably a little less reckless than Han, she knew that you would both act as a distraction to one another’s work. You were equally important to the Resistance, and she couldn’t have you moping about on a commslink for hours a day. The joke was on her for that one, because you still moped, even when you weren’t trying to reach your guy. 

 ‘What time is it?’ You asked Finn. 

‘11.56.’ He glanced over at you, eyebrows raised. ‘So the same time as when you asked thirty seconds ago.’ 

‘I’m just anxious.’ You grumbled. ‘I’ve been so lonely the last five days.’

‘You mean the last five days that you’ve spent with me?’

‘Hey, it’s nothing personal!’ You nudged him in the ribs. ‘You miss him too.’

‘I do.’ Finn nodded. ‘We really are just a pair of simps.’

‘Friends who simp together, stay together.’ You grinned. ‘And if me and Poe ever break up, you have first dibs.’

‘Same for you, if Rey and I ever break up-’

‘- that would require you getting together in the first place.’ You reminded him. Finn could only scowl in response. 

‘I’m trying!’ He held his hands up in defense. ‘It’s just complicated.’

‘Nothing’s complicat - they’re here!’ 

You leapt off the crate you’d been sat on, sprinting across the hangar to where a fleet of X-Wings were grouping. Jess came in first, followed by Snap, and then Kare. Poe’s jet was the last to come in, which was unusual for him. He almost always lead the squad - aside from the time he’d managed to blow an engine and had to call you out to tow him back (it’s how you’d met, actually). Bar a few new dents and scratches, his jet looked to be in decent condition, with BB-8 whirring away from where he was perched in the back. You took that to be a good sign, even if he’d been the last to get in. 

A crowd of mechanics reached the fleet before you, tools in hand and ready to repair whatever damage the First Order had thrown at them. You gave Jess a smile and a high five as you passed, but your line of sight was dead set on finding the curly-haired pilot. You had to elbow your way through the crowd, heartbeat picking up as you did. Man, you’d missed him. The last few weeks had been rough for you both and being constantly pulled apart only made it worst. All you wanted to do was to see him, to hug him and-

- You hit Poe with a thud, chests colliding. He immediately wrapped you up in his arms, pulling you tightly against his chest and burying his head against yours. He smelt faintly of jet fuel and smoke, which was fitting. 

His lips were on yours the minute he’d let you go, hands tightly gripping your cheeks as he kissed you with all his might. Yeah, he’d missed you too.

‘Hey, baby.’ You couldn’t help but smile, eyes finally meeting - it didn’t last long though, not when you saw the state of his face. ‘Oh my god. Your eye! And your lip! And-’

‘- I missed you.’ Poe brushed it aside, pressing another exhausted kiss to your lips.   

‘I missed you too.’ You softly sighed. ‘The fuck happened to your face, though?’

‘Just...First Order stuff.’ He bit his lip, brown eyes falling to the floor. 

You sighed. ‘Shit, Poe.’ 

‘I know. He gently nodded. ‘I’m okay though. I’m here with you. That’s the important thing.’

‘You’re right.’ You agreed. ‘C’mon, I’ll take you to medical-’

He cut you off with a groan. ‘Let’s just go back to my room. Please?’ 

‘But your face.’ You gently ghosted a thumb across his bruised cheek, flinching when he shuddered slightly. ‘I mean...I have a first aid kit. I can always take a crack at it.’

‘That sounds a lot nicer than those nurse droids.’ He smiled. 

‘But you have to promise to get checked over tomorrow, okay?’

‘I promise.’

Poe flung his arm across your shoulders, pulling you into his side as you headed out the hangar. His own room was actually in the opposite direction, but he practically lived with you in yours. It always felt so much nicer. You’d managed to make it a lot homier, with photos of the two of you and fairy lights strung up. The scent of your perfume always lingered in the air and sleeping in your bed was the closest he could get to you when you were away on missions. In return, he left his jumpers and hoodies laying around for you to have free reign of. It was a weak form of paying rent, but he hadn’t heard any arguments. 

You could tell that Poe was tired from the way he walked. He usually had a swagger in his step, smiling at everyone who passed. Now, he was leaning on you for support, dark eyes staring dead ahead with exhaustion, his brain working at a thousand miles an hour to process what he’d witnessed over the last few days. You’d been on his mind the entire time.

‘Here we go.’ You gently lead him to the bed, helping him shrug off his charred flight suit. He caught your lips in a chaste kiss as you moved it off his shoulders, hands suddenly grabbing yours. 

‘You know I love you, right?’

‘Of course. I love you too.’ You murmured. ‘Is something up?’

Poe pulled you down onto the bed beside him, eyes finally meeting yours. ‘I just...I got captured on the mission. Very briefly, but still. It was scary, and there was a moment when I wasn’t sure I was gonna make it back.’

‘Poe.’ Your breath caught in your throat. ‘Is that why your face is all...’

‘Like this?’ He chuckled slightly. ‘Yeah. I’m sorry.’

‘Hey, don’t be.’ You squeezed his hands. ‘It’s not your fault, and like you said earlier, the important thing is that you here now.’

‘I know, but I promised you, didn’t I? That I’d always come home?’

‘And you did.’ You pressed a soft kiss to his cheek. ‘Now c’mon, I gotta stitch you up before this scars.’

‘I reckon I’d look hot with a couple battle scars, y’know.’

‘You would, but I’d rather you not bleed out all over my sheets for the sake of vanity.’ You smiled. 

Digging out your first aid kit, you grabbed a few cotton swabs and some bacta spray. You weren’t a nurse, but your medical skills weren’t terrible either. After a few too many injuries and close calls out in the field, you’d learnt the basics. Half of the scars on Poe’s body had been from your handiwork after he’d been injured -- some of them were a little wonky, but he hadn’t died yet, so you figured you’d done a decent job. The ones he’d done for you were much neater but in your defense, he was reckless as fuck and had a ton more experience in dealing with injuries. 

On the bright side, Poe’s torso seemed fine and relatively uninjured. The white shirt he was wearing was only smeared with soot from the blaster fire, and his bare arms were broad and uninjured, save for one scrape on his left bicep. Okay, maybe the broad part wasn’t relevant to the context, but it was definitely relevant on the whole. He did have good arms. You only ever truly felt safe when they were wrapped around you.

‘This might sting a little bit.’ You crouched between his legs, pouring a little bit of bacta spray onto the cotton swab. You gently wiped it across his forehead, doing a double take when he let out a hiss of pain. ‘You okay, baby?’

‘Yeah, I’m good.’ Poe’s eyes met yours, and he gave you a half smile. ‘Better now that you’re here.’

It didn’t take too long to clean up the rest of his cuts and bruises; they were relatively minor given what he’d been through. The last time he’d been caught by the First Order on Jakku, he’d come home ten times worse than this. You’d spent days by his side in the medical room, mostly chiding him for how funny he looked in the bactasuit, but also to offer emotional support. The duality of love. 

You finished up by wrapping a bandage around the cut on his left arm, gently tying it in place with a safety pin. It was enough to keep it clean and safe until tomorrow, when you’d hopefully be able to convince him to see an actual nurse. You knew that for now, he was tired and probably just wanted to rest. His eyes were sunken with tiredness, and his body had become more and more slumped as you’d gone about cleaning him up. Poe never slept well on missions; a mixture of anxiety and your absence always made for a bad night’s sleep. 

‘That should keep you in one piece for now.’ You said, running a hand through his hair. Poe leant into your touch, pressing a kiss to your wrist. ‘You should get some sleep.’

‘Mmm.’ He murmured. ‘You’re staying, right?’

'Absolutely.’ You offered him a soft smile. ‘Gotta lose the boots though. These are clean sheets.’

‘Can you do it for me?’ He asked, flopping back against the mattress. 

You rolled your eyes at his...Poe-ness, before leaning down and unzipping his shoes, tossing them in a pile across the room. Yours joined them, followed by your jacket and the crumpled flight suit. That was something else to worry about tomorrow. For now, your main focus was him. 

Poe climbed under the covers, shuffling across to make room for you. He reached out to you as you joined him, naturally wrapping his arms around your shoulders and pulling you into his side. The tiredness really hit him then, and you could feel his body untense as you pressed a kiss to his jaw. His body was warm against yours, which was a welcome contrast after sleeping alone for the last few nights. 

‘I love you.’ Poe murmured quietly. 

‘I love you too.’ You peered up at him with a smile. 

‘And I’ll always come home to you.’ He gave your shoulders a light squeeze. ‘You know that, right?’

‘I do.’

‘I’ll never break a promise to you.’

‘I know.’ You softly sighed, trying to move closer to him (as though it were even possible).

It was hard for him to fight the exhaustion now that he was laying with you -- after a few moments, his breathing became a little deeper, and his grip on you a little looser. You pressed one last kiss to his cheek, before settling back against his side and letting sleep over take you. 

[notveryglittery]

so @/dysaniadisorder​ posted this really cute zoom moxiety art and then i posted some selfies in a discord server and the reactions from that + this moxiety art got me feeling even more Fluffy than usual so here’s a very rambly au that i stream of consciousness wrote in half an hour lol 

idk about anyone else, but i had a pen pal through english class in middle school for a little while. so what if, patton and virgil meeting through being pen pals. patton's letters are as bubbly as his stories, he includes stickers on the pages and the envelope, and uses *so many* exclamation marks. virgil meanwhile, tends to write very little and mostly just in reaction to whatever patton said. because sure, the letters are sent to the school and they've been told not to give away personal information, but y'know... Just In Case.

except for one towards the end of the program, when patton really doesn't want to lose contact with virgil, so he shares his instagram. and he says no pressure of course i dont even know if you have an instagram but here it is if you ever wanna try to keep talking. and bc roman's his best friend, of course virgil has instagram (ugh). so of course he checks patton's profile. and oh *no* he's as cute as his bubbly handwriting and his stories and stickers and exclamation marks

virgil's never really mentioned this whole pen pal thing to roman, because roman's english teacher did not sign her class up for it and he knows roman would be jealous. but he made the mistake of checking patton's profile in roman's presence and if anyone's going to notice a Gay Panic™, it's roman

so of course roman grills virgil and virgil caves bc like what?? else is he gonna do?? but anyway, roman hits the follow button for virgil but then virgil throws his phone across the room and breaks it so can we get an f in the chat

meanwhile patton's studying with his step-brother logan when he gets a little chime from his phone and? oh a new instagram follow that's neat, who's [insert cool username for virgil]? except of course virgil's profile is private so patton has to follow back to see any photos. except virgil's phone is busted! bummer

cue virgil not getting a new phone for a week or two bc idk he's in trouble for breaking the old one to begin with and by the time he finally does get a new one, he totally spaces on installing instagram. so it's like a month and a half later when roman asks him why the heck he hasn't been liking roman's pictures that virgil remembers. and then he also remembers patton. *oh god patton* how could he ever forget, he is a fool, and patton probably hates him now, or he must be super worried, bc the pen pal program is over so they havent been writing and then he just disappeared off the face of the planet which?? well patton should have expected it a little because he did say it would be okay if virgil didnt want to keep in contact but *oh god patton*

virgil installs instagram and finds patton's follow request (and like 32 comments from roman demanding that virgil like his photos what kind of best friend is he smh)

and he accepts it 

and then while he's still riding his bravery high, he messages patton "hey it's virgil" and then Very Calmly sets his phone down before screaming into a pillow

meanwhile patton's busy cheering logan on at his swim meet but this does mean that he's posting all sorts of encouraging cheesy stuff to his story which means virgil is already getting a sneak peak into patton's life and wait oh my GOD is that his voice???????

virgil is very gay and he is having a Time

anyway patton also almost breaks his phone when he sees the follow request approved *and* the message!!! because lowkey , he considers virgil a pretty close friend!! he vented in some of those pen pal letters! said some things he couldn't bring himself to say to anyone else. and virgil was always so patient and kind and reminded him of all the good things to help and balance out the bad things.

so y'know, fast forward thru lots of instagram interactions. messaging each other late into the night. virgil always liking patton's photos and leaving a single "💜" comment on every one. they talk about roman - and how he's virgil's best friend and he may be dramatic and loud but he's reliable and genuine - and they talk about logan - and how patton wouldn't know anywhere near as much as he does w/out him and how they have sleepovers in the basement every saturday.

and fast forward to moving on from instagram to discord, and joining servers of fandoms they're both in. making a server for themselves + roman + logan (and *oh boy,* introducing roman and logan). sending silly memes and posts that "made me think of you", late night texting that ends with one sending the final “i guess you fell asleep, sweet dreams <3″ message, and the other sending the “oops i did, good morning <3″ message in return 

and sure, roman might post pictures on instagram of himself and virgil, but virgil's always half-in half-out of frame or he's blurry or he's looking away. and so one day, he posts a selfie in their friend server because he's just got his hair dyed purple and he's *so excited* and patton. patton didnt even have time to prepare can we get an f in the chat

there are a LOT of keysmashes and hearts lol

roman is still laughing by the time patton manages to calm down. patton sort of flat out demands for a group video call aljsdf

logan and roman, all this time obviously because they can't be out done, have already had plenty of personal voice and video calls themselves. sometimes it's just to help roman run lines or help logan study for a test. but they have been on the receiving end of patton and virgil gushing about their respective crushes so they're in full support of this tbh

so they set up a group video call that night, roman and logan like immediately muting themselves bc let's be real we all know the real reason behind this. patton is gushing about virgil and virgil's hair like, right off the bat, and virgil is slowly but surely disappearing into his hoodie and the lighting in his room isn't very good, but gosh patton is *melting* and then

and THEN

patton pauses to finally drink out of his cooling hot cocoa and virgil takes the opportunity to clear his throat and sit up a little out of his hoodie cocoon and says thank you

and y'all we thought virgil was all Gay Panic™ when he saw patton's face in photos for the first time? and then he broke his phone when roman followed patton for him?

patton does a spit take and chokes on his hot cocoa and kind of maybe shorts out his laptop ajsdkjhsf

because we gotta go full circle baby

roman disappears from view on his camera because he just rolled off the bed he's laughing so hard

you know logan definitely anticipated this, so he's been on best buy's website this whole time, ready to find laptops on sale / schedule an appointment to get patton's laptop fixed

and uuuhhhh yeah :) pen pals to friends to lovers long distance moxiety, with background probably-qpr logince because that's the Vibe i'm getting. with bonus best friends prinxiety and familial logicality!! thanks for reading :D 

[mccoys-killer-queen]

@axelandriab​ thank you so much for tagging me in this bc seeing brand new questions I’ve never answered before is like a breath of fresh air

Do you prefer writing in black or blue pen? black

Would you prefer to live in the country or the city? I think about this often and I always used to say city but I’m feeling more country now

If you could learn a new skill, what would it be? guitar... please... if not that then I’d like to speak German fluently...

Do you drink tea/ coffee with sugar? nope (unless you count honey as sugar for tea, then yes)

What was you favourite book as a child? I honestly don’t remember reading books/having books read to me but it was probably Goodnight Moon by Margaret Wise Brown

Do you prefer baths or showers? I haven’t taken a bath in a good 6 years so I forget what it feels like (I don’t fit in my bathtub anymore... I’m too long) so I gotta say showers by default

If you could be a mythical creature, which one would you be? either some sort of fairy, nymph, or shapeshifter 

Paper or electronic books? Paper

What is your favourite item of clothing? my denim jacket with all my patches on it

Do you like your name? nope :3) I think Rachel is a very boring, generic, uncreative White Girl name and if I ever get famous (which ain’t gonna happen) I’d totally go by a pen/stage name

Who is a mentor to you? pssh just any of my Rock and Roll Dads (i.e. Joe Elliott, Brian May, Kevin Cronin, Nikki Sixx, etc), I feel like They guide me somehow

Would you like to be famous? famous for something good? Yes. I’m such an extrovert like 60% of the time and I love oversharing and sometimes feel like I’d be good at handling fame. Plus honestly I don’t feel like I’ll be able to survive long in life unless I somehow get famous bc let’s face it I’m never gonna have a “real career” or be satisfied with any job or be able to make a living by constantly working (but then again I don’t have any talent that can make me famous either oops)

Are you a restless sleeper? yeah more often than never :3)

Do you consider yourself a romantic person? aesthetically romantic, sometimes, but I identify as aro. Romance irl just feels wrong, like it doesn’t mix well with me, like when you put a certain metal in water and it explodes

Which element best represents you? Earth? Either earth or water

Who do you want to be closer to? “My favourite musicians ;(” <<stealing this too :c just all the Leppard bois pls

Do you miss someone at the moment? Nope

Tell us about an early childhood memory? I had a computer class in kindergarten, and I remember on the very first day of it, the teacher taught us what a floppy disc was when introducing us to all the parts of a computer. This was in 2006, and I still have yet to use one.

What is the strangest thing you’ve ever eaten? Probably chicken and waffle pringles, but dipped in chili (GOOD)

What are you most thankful for? the money I have in the bank (even tho I try not to touch it), my driver’s license, not having a job right now, my therapist, my music, my hamster, being surrounded by green

Have you ever met anyone famous? Yes, Rick Ray of Sunshine Allen :3 that’s it :’3

Do you keep a diary or journal? Nope, even tho my therapist told me that journaling my thoughts is a big help, I kinda don’t wanna go back to doing that

Do you prefer to use pen or pencil? Pen bc it flows easier

What is your star sign? Pisces

Do you like your cereal crunchy or soggy? Crunchy all the way, soggy cereal is a HUGE pet peeve of mine

What would you want your legacy to be? someone who was very interesting and did a lot of things

Do you like reading? What was the last book you read? honestly, reading is overrated. Even if the book is good, reading isn’t as hyped up as everyone on this site thinks it is. I do like reading sometimes, but I barely do. I read a lot in high school bc I had so much free time on my hands in class, but outside of school I can’t do it. The last book I read was a reread of The Princess Bride by William Goldman

How do you show someone you love them? *Lisa Simpson staring at plate* ??? Error 405??

Do you like ice in your drinks? yeah but not a lot. Maybe just one or two cubes to keep it cold but not to dilute it a lot

What are you afraid of? being stuck where I am forever, never escaping my family, never finding my path in life, whatever the hell is wrong with my mentality getting worse and impacting my life in a huge way, any health related problems, I could go on :3)

What is your favourite scent? Old Spice

Do you address older people by their name or surname? ...what exactly is this question asking? Depends on how casual I am with them/how well I know them

If money was not a factor, how would your life be different? I would NOT be living here that’s for damn sure :3) I would’ve been to so many different places by now and maybe I’d actually have a real life and actually BE an interesting person

Do you prefer swimming in pools or the ocean? pools, bc the ocean is too salty and choppy and doesn’t smell as good as chlorine imo

What would you do if you found $50 on the ground? “I’d pick it up, and if I saw the person who dropped it, I’d give it back to them” << true but then if i couldn’t find them then I’d probably go buy some records with it and put the change aside into my Concert Fund

What is one thing you’d want to teach your children? honestly I don’t think I’m ever gonna have kids, but I’d want them to understand that gender roles don’t exist, and neither do the opinions of society

If you had to get a tattoo right now, what and where would it be? ...I’m actually getting a tattoo next week... it’s going to be on the side of my right shoulder, a silhouette of a pine tree with an outline of a crescent moon above it

What can you hear now? The sound of the fridge runnin in the room behind me, my mom getting something out of a drawer

Where do you feel the safest? in my bedroom

What is one thing you want to overcome/conquer? whatever’s fucked up in my head like anxiety and trauma, etc

If you could travel back to any era in time, what would it be? if I had to travel back anywhere and stay there for the rest of my life, I’d probably go back 1979 to see the dawn of the 80s and live through them. If I had to go for a day then I’d probably pick the summer of 1988 or something

What is your most used emoji? probably 🤙

Describe yourself using one word? tough

What do you regret most? not going to see Def Leppard and Journey when they were less than an hour away 2 years ago. Yes, I couldn’t drive back then, so there was really no way I could’ve gotten there and back (and I could’ve BARELY gotten a floor ticket to begin with, it would’ve cost like half the money I had to my name), but with the Stadium Tour being delayed ANOTHER year I feel like 2 years ago was the only chance I’ll ever have had to see my favorite band :c so even though it was basically impossible for me to go, and a lot of the factors of that were out of my control, I still feel like I blew it, and wish I tried literally everything I possibly could’ve done (like just buy the ticket and figure out how to get there later, call everyone I could think of to try and hitch a ride). Even if I did so, there was still a VERY, VERY slim chance that I could’ve ended up going by some goddamned MIRACLE okay I’ll shut up now sorry I’m just still very upset even so much time later

Last movie you saw? in theaters? Rocketman last summer. In general? Uhhhhh I really don’t know, I think it was Love, Simon

Last TV show you watched? on tv? Rick and Morty. In general? I was watching The Young Ones on youtube today

Invent a word and it’s meaning? Scress (we actually made this up like 2 years ago)- it’s a game where you play chess on a Scrabble board while also playing Scrabble

[eternalgoldfish]

18. 21. 25. I WANNA KNOW

oh gosh, oh gosh, okay!! (thank you for asking. <3)

18. current number of wips

Right now I’ve got. two?? things i’m actively working on. One should be up some time this week (fingers crossed??) and the other is the wishbaby fic, the love you build your house around, which i keep saying i’m gonna finish, but i’m serious about it. 

then i have another wip i keep picking up and putting down every few months, but it started as this like, crack treated seriously, halloween fic? that is actually really gloomy, which is probably why i keep putting it down and it might never get finished, haha.

and then. i guess the u got me so horny universe counts as a wip? sort of? it’s not done, but it’s also not like. a finite project. just something i’m adding to when i’ve got an idea and a few minutes? but it’s fun!

Basically, i’m boring and have so few wips i can count them on one hand, haha. i try not to have too many projects going on at once, because i’ll never finish any of them? i actually usually try to only ever have one thing at once. so. i guess i gotta finish some of this stuff, huh?

21. most memorable comment/review

I actually get so many comments that are gorgeous and kind, that i absolutely don’t know how to handle. i always think about the first time i spoke with @oephelia​. She commented on liquor (on your lips, makes you dangerous), which i wasn’t done at the time, and was very nervous about? And it was like she reached into my soul and saw every angle of it that i was trying to portray. i just felt really Seen? 

the part of it i always remember the most is where she said

i love the texture of it all as well, the pulpy orange juice, the sartre, the crumpled laundry, there's such a specific vibe to the details you choose to include, and i can't put my finger on it, but it Works, a little bit grungey, a little bit domestic, a little bit charged, tension sort of crackling under everything.

like, somehow everything always comes back to the pulp in the orange juice? (this probably means nothing to anyone, but like. it’s just a feeling.)

and then she sent me a mood board, and like. it was the first time anyone had ever done something like that for me, too, so i just. still feel overwhelmed by it every day.

25. a fic you read this year you would recommend everyone read

There are so many! I didn’t do as much reading as I wanted to this year, because things were kind of crazy, but there are so many amazing, talented writers in this fandom. i can’t breathe with it sometimes. 

so here are a few i can think of, off the top of my head?

Lavender by @hexlikesramennoodles​ is technically from december 2018, but i’m counting it for this year, bc it’s gold and i think i read it right around new years.

making hollywood look tiny and riches & wonders by @oephelia​ are both breathtaking. like. literally everything she writes is, but!! these are both short and alarmingly powerful, and i think everyone should take a second.

a long night spent (with your most obvious weakness) by @desert-dino!!! (literally anything erinn writes? that goes for everyone on this list, really)

and silvertongue by @the-copperkid​. It’s just. so good guys. like everything jules does is so good, but i can’t get over this.

there are definitely more, but i was supposed to be in bed like! forty minutes ago, so. oops!

[atinytokki]

Here’s my first impressions.

Warning! a loooong post, squealing, incoherent thoughts smashed together, and crying ahead. A lot of crying.

OH NO. They really started it like this. I’m shivering in bed rn. It’s haunting and beautiful and too short. Is that marching?? That’s marching, are they going to war now omg hold on—

[I didn’t include the audio for Wonderland because I hit the limit and ALSO you should go stream it on the KQ channel instead ;) hehe]

The transition into this was spectacular. The marching just became the beat wooooah! HONGJOONG AHJFKSL YES that’s how you start a song. Seonghwa and Yunho, beautiful. Wooyoung!! sounds amazing!! Seonghwa’s low voice o I was not prepared. San helloooo I love the instrumentation at this part. Jongho, as expected with the high note. Oh OH KAJA!! oooooohhhhh man the chorus goes hard I can’t wait to see the choreo. The production on this is spectacular. FiX oN MiNgiiiiii go off oml 🔥 YEOSANG 👏🏻 GET 👏🏻 THOSE 👏🏻 LINES 👏🏻 this is a head banging song I’m head banging rn. The way they bring it back right before the chorus *chef’s kiss* This is overwhelming man. Jongho with the bridge yussss he and San sound amazing. Wait they were right it is like Hala Hala they added both parts of the chorus together!! It’s almost over isn’t it. Yeah it’s over. Ok I need to breathe,,,

It’s starting kinda like a sad song this isn’t a sad song is it?? SANIIIIEEE! Aw this is cute I like it. Hongjoooooooong! I love this rap it reminds me of something. Ooh prechorus?? It’s so pretty oh No here’s the chorus— oh EDM?!!? OKAY!! Wait do I bop or cry 🙊omg Yeosang!!!! oh my baby you sound amazing. Harmonies 😭 harmonies omg there are harmonies... Mingi! He didn’t say fix on :(( short but slick rap as always. I’m still trying to figure out what they’re saying in this chorus I don’t wanna blast it too loud everyone else is asleep I think... hhhhhh!! Mingi and Hongjoong SINGING IN THE BRIDGE holy cow im gonna lose it they sound beautiful YES THANK U THIS IS WHAT I WANTED. Wowwwww high note 🙌There’s something really really nostalgic about this song,, I am undone. The harmonies omg I can’t take this it’s like they know how much I love harmonies, unfair.

OMG— throwback???????? This sounds so 80s YEEEESSSS ! San!! New beginning fairy?? He sounds heavenly I can’t. Mingi, he’s singing again I can’t stop smiling this is my new fave thing. This prechorus, idk what to say it’s amazing. WOOYOUNG JUNG WOOYOUNG NO NO NO NO HES SINGING THE CHORUS AFHSJLSLE Jongho ur vocals are sweet honey please have mercy it’s only like the 4th song and I’m crying already. Hongjoong my boy, this style of rap holy cow. Did someone tell him this is my fave style of rap, because— oh, he’s still going?? Ah this is going on repeat the rest of today 🥰 Yeosang I couldn’t be happier you sound gorgeous and Yunho woah their voices match well. WOOYOUNG AGAIN!! This part was made for him it has to be. JONGHO! SO PLEASE!! This bridge I’m just a mess of tears now they are really singing their hearts out. Is it too early to have a favourite?

Ugh all these songs are ending so abruptly I’m never ready for the next one. Oh I’ve heard his.. aHA AHAAAAA I KNEW IT I KNEW IT I KNEW IT this is from the teasers. I had the teasers on repeat this bgm alone is. so. cool. Yes the Mingi rap aaaaaaaaahdhsjkdflsl but we can hear it this time lol. woah it’s not over yet. The beginning of Treasure! Hongjoong singing the beginning of Treasure again but different lyrics?? I need to look them up later oh what if it’s like they found their treasure,, no I can’t take it where are the tissues the ending is so sad whyyyyuyyy

Yay there is already a fun flavour in this song! Hongjoong your voice is so rich in the low register daaaaang I need more of this. Seonghwa is that you? I feel like I haven’t heard his voice since Wonderland I’m sorry seonghwa my bff I’m getting whiplash trying to hear everyone’s parts but you killed it. These lyrics!! This is a hype song fs. THE BEAT DROP AAAAAAAAAHAHAHHAH!! “Ayyy we are gonna win” YES YOU ARE BOYS! Oh shoot I said that out loud I hope no one heard. Okay yes this is my new hype song no one is allowed to be discouraged listening to this. Oop “aha” Hongjoong hakdlaplajql I squealed again. Aw the rap verses were short but still slayed. This song is so fast I can’t keep up but I love it I am feeling this. The low voices and then the beat drop I can’t FUNCTION THIS IS SPECTACULAR !!!!! You are gonna wiiiiiin. This reminds me of Pirate King the altered voice and then adding a harmony the second time, anyone feel me? Mingi singing in the bridge again yes I love this. Ooo EDM break aaaahhah go crazy go stupidddd! I want a choreo for this, I need a choreo for this. Woah the instrumental is very unusual here. And it ended like that with the piano, deconstructing the elements of the song. Oh I need a second listen for musical reasons but we gotta move on.

This album is moving way too quickly we’re halfway done ripppp. I love the instrumental here it’s super slick. I’m already enjoying this very much. Oh high notes San!! Vocal line has popped off, exceeds expectations 100% Aww hi Mingi. Ah thank God the chorus is sweet and full of riffs wowowow this is a sharp contrast from last song. YEOSANG!!! My heart jumps every time I hear him, you don’t know how hard I prayed for him to have more lines. Hongjoong! What are these voices in the background?. Adorable, this is adorable aaaaahaha!! Oh it’s “we are one, we stay one” that they spoiled in ANEWZ I seeeee. This chorus ugh this whole song I love I just have the biggest smile on my face while also sobbing yall don’t understand. The bridge ahh idek what to say I’m so happy with this. You boys make me so proud I hope you know that 😭 !! The voices are back! This is literally so cute hELP

Here comes THANK U I’m not ready ok deep breaths. Whaaaa? I’ve never been more caught off guard in my life that guitar... Yeehaw? Is this a yeehaw song what-? Hongjoong’s singing wait I have to go back I missed it. His voice I— digging my grave. Wait why does this sound lowkey country ohhh dear say sike ah no alright the CHORUS mmm I knew it would be a feel good song. That echoing thing after the chorus is cool. Mingiiii! Did he not say fix on again?? This rap is too cute noooooo oml why Mingi why my jaw is on the floor I can’t believe he’s capable of this.. Ok I like it I’ve decided I like this. I was surprised at first bc I’m not a country fan and it sounded like it was about to be a country song 😂 but this is a bop!! “Gomawo” 😭 no gomawo yourself. Thank you for being on my side 🥺 It’s a hands clapping song. Yes Jongho go off!!! Oh I just gasped the biggest gasp the ending riff was beautiful

Sunrise. Okay deep breaths. I’m gonna just listen and try to not think about the fact Hongjoong cried writing this song. Let’s go. .... oh. OH. Oh it’s soft. I’m soft 🥺 ahhh man they sound so good. This— the background music... it’s doing me in. Aww Mingi. Ahh no this sounds sad whyyy I’m afraid to see the lyrics dangit. (0:41) I just dropped my phone. K that scared me but the lyrics just shot me in the heart. !!!!! I gasped again and now I’m coughing hang on I gotta pause. Just keep it up... boys you outdid yourselves. This GUITAR HOLY CHEESE AND CRACKERS ITS AMAZING. *stomp stomp clap* Hongjoong hiiiii wow this rap right here, I only caught half the lyrics but I know exactly what he is saying ah man. We’ve added instruments in the back. Oh Jongho that was such a clear note the vowel was perfect there. This chorus I can’t. Yeah ok I’m crying again something about the guitar I . Cant type. Oh man. Oh OH OH the bridge the BRIDGE THE BRIDGE everything the vocals the background music. Okay here’s our real stomp stomp clap moment. Ah ok wiping the tears now. They sound great. Hongjoong aaaahh what a way to end the song.

That was an experience I hope I get to breathe during this but I already know I won’t. Um.. it’s piano... for like a solid 20 seconds and it’s slightly jazzy are we getting a ballad?? Our first real ballad!! Eeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!! Seonghwa yessss 🥰 Oh you guys I’ve wanted to hear a ballad from him for so long you don’t even know. Wait everyone sounds so perfect I can’t even describe this. Yunho baby yesss your voice. Wooyoung oml SAN ahhh San your transitions are stunning. Jongho our ballad king it’s like he’s barely even trying and it sounds amazing. Lovely lovely lovely. Mingiiiii he’s singing yet again. Hongjoong too!! Yes oh yes this is it. Their voices all being showcased so perfectly. I’m amazed how well they can all fit this style just as well as they can fit a song like Win. I have one criticism only so far and yall already know what it is. Yeosang still could’ve gotten more lines in this one :_( This is the last song before Beginning of the End oh no. Nooooo I don’t want it to be over. Oh? OH? Yeosang! Yeosangggggg!! Omg I have goosebumps he said NO IM TAKING OVER it’s MY SONG NOW! Wow amazing. The structure of this has been so so interesting I’m definitely going back to analyse. No it’s over...

I’m scared. I’m crying again noo it hasn’t even started jeez pull yourself together. Ok but before I start I really don’t want it to be over and not in a way that implies I want more songs just thinking about how... this is Ep Fin right? The end. Obviously not of ATEEZ (God forbid) it’s only been a year and they’re slaying it I mean absolutely knocking it out of the park each Ep bigger and bolder than the last, they aren’t afraid to try things and when they do they hit the nail on the head. But still this is the end of an era, a storyline too if I’m correct. And it’s just a surreal experience to see it come to a close. ATEEZ, I don’t know where you’re taking us next but I trust you guys and I know it’s going to be amazing.

Ok anyway let’s start the song 🤣 crackling noise? Fire? Ok it’s orchestral. VERY orchestral. “Open your eyes” I felt that San. They were open but I just opened them again. This orchestra is really really moving and cinematic I love it. I see what this is, we’re going Intro: Long Journey except Outro version which is fuller, richer, even more epic and emotional. Oh boy I’m really crying now. Idek what to say again I’m speechless. Oh it swells just like Intro!! Is it the end? Woah???????? What is this? .....SAN?? Wait wait wait it’s over? Like that? No hang on. Waaaait what was that? Seriously that was very strange. I’m not imagining things am I? No does this have something to do with upcoming albums? I’m so confused 😭 it sounded rly cool and spooky whatever it was. Well. Okay! Yeah I guess that’s it. That was the last straw. I should really try to go back to sleep I only have a few hours till I have to get up. But now I’m probably going to go write something, that music was really inspiring. Yeah I think I said what I wanted to honestly! Again I just want to reiterate how proud I am, and remind you to go stream!!!!

KAJAAAAA!

[ryncorrect]

university!au: day6 wonpil

first of all i will definitely do poorly on this because,,, you know,,,,, he’s so precious and i don’t think my words can do it justice ksbdjshs i wanna make the sweetest scenario for him

but i suck at sweet stuffs smh bye

name: kim wonpil

major: modeling (i still cant believe this is an actual major im living under a rock smh)

other activities: member of music club, keyboardist and main singer of the university band

jae calls him “the backbone” of the music club because wonpil participates in all club events, he always takes part in weekly activities, and he actively finds new recruits

jae on the other side pops up once in a blue moon to play guitar, do shit, then disappears

don’t worry ever since jae starts dating the newest member who happens to be wonpil’s bestie he’s more active now

honestly more than half of their club members joined because wonpil made them to

he’s persuasive and convincing okay you would end up eating rocks if he told you it’s good for health

but he’ll never do that ever bc he speaks no lies okay he’s like the sweetest person in the earth

he’ll cry by the sight of cute puppies, do i have to explain further

wonpil was nominated as the club president but the other candidate park sungjin who’s also his roommate beat him by one vote

well he prefers to be just regular member anyway, that way he can still do a lot of things for the club but with less responsibilities

you see he’s really nice, he’s caring, he’s hardworking, he’s confident, he knows how to present himself and he’s hella attractive

he’s taking modeling as his major do i make myself clear

everyone LOVES wonpil

and i mean sometimes it’s just not only a platonic love but like an “i will give you my heart and soul please marry me” love

too bad he’s oblivious af

someone: i,, i like you wonpil,,,, d-do you like me too?

wonpil: of course!!! you’re my friend!!!!!!!!!

someone: ….oh ok

accidental friendzone

but you know he doesnt actually mean to do that, he just doesn’t think anyone likes him like that

moreover he already has someone in mind

aka the coffee shop girl

aka Y O U

yeah hello guys i am: still lame

the first time he met you was on exams week

everyone was busy and stressed af and running on almost no sleep

except maybe wonpil

not because he was fully prepared but more like he forgot exams week was coming until the day before so he just decided to wing it lol whatevs

anyway his roommate aka sungjin asked him if he could go buy him a double shot espresso so wonpil did

he rarely visits coffee shops tbh and when he does he always orders vanilla latte with extra syrup for himself

wonpil seems to be that kinda person who tries to enjoy coffee but can’t handle the bitter taste its so frickin cute and trust me you think so too

so anywayyyy yeah he never saw you, aka the new barista, before

it was ur first work day as well btw and he was ur first customer

he didn’t know why but watching you being nervous made him nervous too

just imagine a stuttering costumer and a stuttering barista

everyone watched you two with anxiety

but even when wonpil was a nervous wreck he didn’t forget to smile and before leaving he said to you, “thanks, have a great day!!!!!!!!!!!”

honest to god it made your whole day better

anyway let’s move on to the second meeting

he comes back and this time he orders a vanilla latte, but being the clumsy ass that you are, you slightly confused his order

he receives his coffee and takes a sip and he freezes

you ask whats wrong and he’s like,, uh nothing,, the coffee is just,,,, kinda bitter today??? ha,,,hahahhaha,,,,

you stand still

wait

he asked for EXTRA SYRUP not EXTRA SHOT you dumbfucc

you offer to make him a new one and he refuses saying it’s fine!!! but you still feel bad so you insist but he’s like no!!! i gotta stay awake anyway i have an important quiz today i have to study! by the way uhhhh i’ve never seen you around until recently???

you introduce yourself and he introduce himself blablabla it’s awkward and your palms keep sweating for some reason

before wonpil left, he didn’t forget to say “have a great day!! i’ll see you around then!!!”

he’s so sweet uwu

seeing him and making him his vanilla latte (extra syrup) is one of the best parts of your job tbh

and he visits every single time you’re working which makes it better

why is his smile so adorable what the fuck

and there’s something about the way he walks that keeps you looking i mean boiiiii does he know how to present himself holy shit

that feeling when you see someone so beautiful you want to cry

the more you see him the more you want to know about him

what major is he in? what is he usually do outside the class? what kind of person is he? does he have a lot of friends? what’s his hobby? stuffs like that

too bad he always comes when it’s busy at the cafe so you can’t talk too much

neither he ever tries to initiate a conversation with you except his usual “hello! how are you today?” and “thank you, you make the best coffee! have a nice day!! see you!!!”

let’s admit it you highkey have a crush on him and EVERYONE knows

wELL it’s because you always wear that expression like "goddammit why must kim wonpil be so cute if he ain’t gonna ask me on a date” whenever you watch his back as he leaves the cafe

and EVERYONE but YOU knows wonpil’s so into you

whenever someone says something like “just ask him for his number he’ll definitely give it to you” you’re like “wtf nO that’s creepy and he won’t!! he doesn’t even know me!!!”

“he literally only comes when it’s your shift and he always makes sure you’re the one taking his order you oblivious dumbass”

“it’s just a coincidence”

“…..yeah whatever”

but they’re right wonpil’s crushing on you hard

at this point sungjin can even draw a portrait of you although he hasn’t actually met you before

that’s how much wonpil talks about you

from your whole adorable appearance to how cute your little cough is, or how he adores your little smile and the sparks in your eyes when he compliments your coffee, or he’ll describe your apron what the fuck and how he thinks your look so good in white and blue

sungjin’s so done with him

“just ask her out you stalker”

“nO I CAN’T!!! SHE’LL THINK IM CREEPY!!! SHE DOESN’T EVEN KNOW ME”

“well i bet she remembers your face by now since you always drop by when she’s there”

“but she meets a lot of people everyday there’s NO WAY she can remember me”

you see the problem now?

then one day jae decides to play matchmaker

by “playing matchmaker” i mean he follows wonpil to the cafe and straight up tells you, in front of wonpil’s face and everyone there, “yo this friend of mine wants to take you on a date and he wonders if you’re interested”

you are: blushing

wonpil is: dead pale

you: o-oh… i’m–

wonpil: yO HE’S JUST JOKING HAHAHAHA IM SO SORRY oH My gOd jAE LET’S GO

he drags his tall friend aka jae out of the cafe and since then he never visits again :(

im sad now ugh i told you i suck at sweet stuffs like this

fast forward it’s summer and the university wonpil’s attending is holding a summer festival that’s open for public

well,,,,, you decide to go and you ask some of your friends to tag along

you’re not sure what you’re hoping; maybe you just want to see how the place wonpil’s studying at looks like, or maybe you do wish to meet him by accident or something yanno like a drama

whatever

you promised yourself that if you don’t see him today, you’ll get over him

but if you do see him, you will ask. him. out.

well jokes on you babe he’s there performing on the stage with the band

he’s,,, he’s singing,,, and playing keyboard,,,, omg his voice

as you already know im uncreative soooo by impossible coincidence somehow his eyes spot you in the crowd

btw i imagine them singing Pouring but i think you can pick any songs you like

he’s so taken aback that one second he’s singing and the next second he sees you and his eyes widen and he’s like “I’m falling for–hUH? why are you here??” to the microphone

don’t worry the others cover for his mistake while trying not to laugh

everyone laughs too while looking around to find the person whom wonpil sees

you’re embarrassed as fuck you want to curl up and hide forever

but your so-called-friends don’t let you get away that easy okay it’s your only chance

dw dude wonpil feels the same he wants to immediately get off the stage and die

but sungjin will literally kill wonpil in his sleep if he doesn’t do anything it’s now or never

poor boi has had enough of this pining shit

so after the band performance wonpil has no choice but to approach you

“h-hey! so you watched our stage!”

“y-yeah! it was great!! didn’t know you can sing so well”

“h-haha thanks”

“y-you’re welcome”

silence

more silence

wonpil clears his throat and, “so…”

you blink fast, “yeah…?”

“um uhhh do you wanna see around? i can take you”

“oH of course”

What Am I Even Writing Anymore

well remember your promise earlier? about asking him out?? no???

is it too late to chicken out and forget the whole thing now

you barely know each other it’s so awkward and he looks so fine today and you really don’t wanna push him even further now but if you hesitate longer who knows someone else will ask him first and just the thought alone breaks your heart a little bit

so it’s time to grow a pair and take risks cmon dude you can do this

one

two

“anywaysijustwonderifyou'refreenextsaturday?”

wait

it was!! not!!! your voice!!!!

“huh?”

wonpil clears his throat and repeats slower, “i just wonder if you’re uhhhh free next saturday?”

o shit

o fUck YeAH

you cough a bit before answering, “y-y-yeah i guess??”

“ok um i like, have two tickets for movie if you want to come with me”

that’s like the lamest invitation and you yourself gotta admit that lmao

but oh kim wonpil,, dear,,,, there’s no way i would say no

so you two go on a date

or “casual outing” as you two call it

but everyone knows it’s a date okay even though you two didn’t have any skinskip oops

it’s okay it takes a bit of time but you’ll get there

i mean, since then you two go out together almost every weekend so ye it won’t be that long until the awkwardness wears off

wonpil just cherish you so much he’s afraid he’ll scare you or hurt your feeling by accident so he never boldly initiates anything

the first time you two finally holding hands is when you two go skating, and that’s just because you two are so bad at that

gotta hold each other so you won’t keep falling aye romance

you don’t know this but trust me wonpil talks about it for days sungjin almost decides to move out

he’s still insisting it’s not a date tho

“you know what, i can already imagine you two in like 10 years, standing at the altar and be like, do you marry me as a friend or what? unclear”

“do you think we’ll get married?????”

“oh dear god”

but yeah

you two will get there

somehow

just take your sweet time and give wonpil all the love in the world i beg you

that’s it YAY i think imma work on sungjin’s next wish me luck im running out of lame cliche ideas now lol bye

[dreammutual-remade]

mua!you and lucas

request: hi may you please do a bullet point scenario about lucas and his girlfriend who is a make up artist for nct. thank youu- anon

word count: 3.4k

a/n: anon !!! thank u for requesting I lowkey struggled with this concept bc I was like uhhh how r they gonna u know,,, do the affection but once I figured it out this was so fun to write !!! I love Lucas hehehehehe. also I realized when I was picKINg this gif that I forgot to include the filming of the yearbook shiygeidfhvf pretend it didn't happeN okay

ps I have 8 requests as of now and I promise I will get to all of them pls have patience w/ me ily all <33333

good evening, Thots

let us dive in, shall we

alright so you had been doing makeup since you were a wee lass !!

of course it was , pretty terrible but like practice makes perfect and now you’re an absolute LEGEND

one of your friends convinced you to start posting tutorials and have an instagram acc dedicated to your Iconic Looks and the rest was history !!!!

you started getting hella attention everyone loved you bitch !!!

so you started advertising you were like ayy if y’all need your makeup done , hmu i am Skilled

at first you started out doing other gals makeup for formal dances and whatnot

then you climbed your way up the celebrity ladder and now you’re a god damn nct makeup artist ?????

things you did: THAT

alright so you got hired just in time for cherry bomb promotions

you took a look at some of their past looks and ,,,,, you were horrified honestly who did that to them

SM CAN GET FUCKED

anyways you Turned Their Shit Around and had them lookin bout fine as hell

all the boys had been super awkward around you at first and it was soooo funny

because you were pretty used to being v close to people you don’t know well

from all the years of doing other people’s makeup now you just go right in

you got real close to mark and he squeaked and like pressed himself back into the chair

like ? shouldn’t he be used to this by now ???

johnny was the only one who was cool with you the first time even if he was an absolute SLEAZEBAG

“sorry if i get all up in your face i’m just trying to keep your eyebrows FLEEKY U KNO WHAT IM SAYIN”

“nah i don’t mind having a face like yours that close ;)))))”

“oops didn’t mean to bump into your knee like that”

“that’s okay my lap is always open for u :}”

he’s the worst god i love him

you’re on the younger side too so he’s all,

c̢̖̲̹̞̰̪ͅa̫͠l̶̜̞l̠̝͇͠ ̪̙͕̲̫̯m̙̪͖e̱͙̦̳̦̝͢ ͕̼̳̰̞o̹p҉͖̘͙͍̞̲p͍̙͙͙̹̖͞a҉̠͓̠̜͕

and you’re all

NO

taeyong asks how old you are and as soon as he finds out you’re younger than him he becomes your mom

you’ll be doing his makeup and he’s like okay but have u eaten today ??? you look too thin please eat

“one: stop moviNG IM TRYING TO CONTOUR YOU and two: please are u my damn grandmother i’m FINE i’ve eaten plenty :&&;&,$,”

you and haechan just roast each other the whole time

“yet another pimple i see, hyuckie, have you been keeping up with the skincare regimen i sent you home with?”

“first of all, fuck you, second of all, you sent me home with a piece of paper that said ‘you can wash your face to get rid of the acne but there’s nothing you can do about the ugly’ you evil WITCH”

but it’s all in good fun and you and hyuck are besties at heart and can tell when it’s not a good day for teasing

whenever you can tell he’s down you make sure to be extra playful when you’re putting on his makeup, tapping him on the nose or tickling his ear with your makeup brush til he giggles

i’m soft gOD

THIS ISNT A DONGHYUCK FIC I GOTTA CHILL

the rest are pretty cool with you too!! yuta is a worse flirt than johnny though it’s like unnecessary but it’s funny and you know he’s , mostly kidding, so you let it slide

anyways !!! cherry bomb is coming to a close and you did That the entire time you had them absolutely GLOWING

but then you get some emails from your boss talking about a new NCT U song/concept that will be filmed toward the end of the year

((i think that’s when it was filmed ?? i’m so sorry if there’s inaccuracies in here i’m very bad with dates :’-)))))))

they tell you you’re traveling to the UKRAINE

THATS FAR

and VERY COLD

they also tell you that they’re gonna be debuting two new members in this unit and you’re a little Nervous since you’ve only been doing 127’s and Dream’s makeup for the past like , half a year

(u were responsible for the we young era,,,,, god bless u)

but you’re also excited because they described the concept to you and you’ve already got ideas to make everyone look Hot and Badass

your boss sent some predebut pics and said the new ones were Yukhei and Jungwoo and, wOW THEYRE PRETTY

jungwoo looks absolutely soft and squishy so you’re a bit worried about making him look ,,,,, BOSS but yukhei.

is a whOLE MAN

he’s got big eyes and lips that give him softer features but , the look in his eyes and like his cheekbones and ????? wow you’re gonna turn him into Daddy Material

anywhom

the time has come and we are on our way to the ukraine !!! yeehaw it’s cold as balls out here

you arrive and get to stay in the hotel for a night before you gotta Get To Work

you arrive bright and early with all your beauty products

you , as the resident makeup artist, look cute as hell even if you are rather cold

your nose is tinted a bit red even tho you have foundation on rip

you set up your little station in the main tent because they’re gonna film all the outdoor parts first

jaehyun walks in first with winwin and they he looks scruffy af

“jaehyun you DOLT did you not shave ??? you know that tickles my hand when i’m trying to make you hot”

“i’m already hot”

“uh huh go shave your face i guarantee you don’t want me to try”

“ugh, yes ma’am”

“hey winwinie~”

“good morning !!!”

winwin is Precious and Easy To Work With as usual

mark comes in next and he’s flustered and cute AS USUAL

of course he’s comfy with you now but you enjoy making him flustered

“mark, baby, you’re GLOWING today!!! go off king”

“y/N PLEASE ENOUGH”

doyoung comes next and his Flawless Skin makes the process so much easier for you ugh

reLEASE THE SKINCARE ROUTINE

COWARDS

anywhom you get to meet jungwoo next !!!

FUCKIN UWU

his blue hair ,,,,,,,, amazing

he’s so sweet and releases little breathy giggles every once in a while when the brushes tickle him

you’re finishing up with jungwoo when, the Man Himself literally stumbles into the tent

“hyUNG are you almost done we’re bout to film man”

and he is absolutely Large and you are , very appreciative god damn

even barefaced this man baby looks GOOD that is not fair :-(

“lucas!~ you still have to get your makeup done but i think y/n was almost finished. are you?”

jungwoo turns to look up at you while he asked and you, have to exercise GREAT restraint not to talk to him in a baby voice

so you just nod and then give him a once over and tell him he can go ahead to wardrobe

you wave yukhei over and you’re like hey uh ,,, yukhei? or should i call u lucas ?!/!:&:&

he cackles and asks you to call him lucas and asks your name and how old you are and what your star sign is and your favorite color and your nct bias

(when you tell him you love them all equally he’s all like Not For Long 

>:-))) soon i shall PREVAIL)

basically he’s questioning you and you’re like oKAY PLEASE IM TRYING TO MAKE YOUR FACE BEAUTIFUL

“my face is already beautiful thank u very MUCH”

“you boys are all the same jaehyun  already pulled that shit today, LAME”

he pouts and you tap him on the lip with the handle of your makeup brush and then Get To Work

you truly have him lookin RIGHT wooo shit he looks good

and as you’re doing it your brain is like that clip from sponge bob where squidward is like oh NO he’s hot !!!! :(

you’re doing his eye makeup and you’re standing, in between his legs like they’re so long and in the way it’s the only way to get close enough to to do it well and you’re highkey, Blushing

he’s literally just staring up at you while you do his makeup and your hands are starting to shake what business does he have with such big brown puppy dog eyes :((((

“hey quit staRINg at me dude”

“ am i making u,,,, nervous ;)”

“, YES pls stop :((“

“aw i’m srry :((((“

pouts AGAIN and you shove his shoulder a little for making fun of you

when you finish you just kind of nod and he takes that as a go ahead and like SPRINGS up

and you’re standing very close so he almost knocks you the hell over

you tip backwards and he grabs you by the waist to steady you while you basically grab handfuls of his clothes to keep you upright

there’s a pause where you guys are just.. pressed together before you fly apart and lucas awkwardly rubs the back of his neck like nervous boys do in movies AW

“i really gotta stop knocking people over i almost took oUT jungwoo earlier srry abt that :’-))))))”

you’re like haha it’s fine :’-))))))))))))))

it’s really awkward so he yeets out of there just as taeyong strolls in looking entirely too smug

“so, you’ve taken a liking to our newest member hmmmm ??”

“aw no jungwoo is just so cute !!”

“quit playing dumb you knew what i meant”

“okaY but literally nothing happened please don’t make this a big deal”

“it’s a big deal bbg it’s tOO LATE NOW”

you sigh and then do his makeup pretty quickly since even barefaced he looks unreal

fckin anime character

okay everyone is now made up and dressed (jaehyun came last freshly shaven , looking like a bar of soap as usual) and you’re on standby outside to fix any little blemishes they may get while filming

everything is pretty good because most of the boys are used to wearing makeup but lucas is Dumb and just like ?? rubs at his eye and wipes half of it off ????

you sCREECH as he’s doing it and he jumps and is like ??? what is it what’s wrong with you

“what’s wrong with me ??? wHATS WRONG WITH YOU I WORKED HARD TO MAKE YOU LOOK THAT ETHEREAL DAMNIT”

you have to fix it on the spot so y’all can stay on schedule so he does that thing where he stands with his legs super far apart so his face is level with yours

his legs are so far apart in order for him to be short enough rip (.... literally. pray for his pants u guys)

you fix up his eye and warm him that you’ll give him a black eye with your fist instead of makeup if he messes up your Artwork again

the shoot goes really well and you get to know lucas and jungwoo better throughout the rest of the filming

things are…. tense between you and lucas but not in like a bad way more like a we are both sort of attracted to each other and unsure what to do from here way

lucas gets braver as time passes and has become wayyyyy more flirty

the tension just sort of transforms to hardcore flirting and little fleeting touches jskdkfk

you havent stopped blushing for like 4 days straight

as you do his makeup he’ll stare up at you with fckn awestruck eyes and one of his hands will drift up to circle around your wrist as you tilt his head this way and that

its a GIANT hand too I just wanna mention that they're very nice hands thank you for your time

as you do his makeup you’ll purposefully let your hand linger on his neck and use your thumb to caress turn his jaw

when you stand between his legs to do his makeup he’ll scoot to the edge of the chair to get as Close As Possible until your hips are almost touching the inside of his thighs ???:$&:&:@:@

SPICY

but eventually the shoot is over :(((( rip

buT no worries ;))))) black on black is being filmed in like a month and you’ll see his goofy ass soon heheh

highkey black on black makes u , Hot And Bothered like the part where lucas is on the floor and doing thaT THING

YALL KNOW WHAT IM TALKIN ABOUT

he highkey gets up and is like

did u like that babygirl ~~~ 😤😘💕🤪😩

and you just stick your tongue out at him and he sticks his tongue out at you and it’s Juvenile

“JUST MAKE OUT ALREADY!!!!”- johnny, from across the room

you: Red

lucas: wheezing

you guys pull all the same touchy flirty bullshit for this MV filming too and all the boys are like o.o

“hyung are u dating our makeup artist(¬‿¬) ” -chenle

“god i wish”

“what”

“i mean , no”

and now BOSS has been released and you’ve gotta do his makeup for all these stages and you two just , keep dancing around each other

when the boys get their first win for BOSS tho lucas is sO HYPE

because it’s his first time really performing live and they WON AND ???? THIS IS CRAZY

and he’s so happy he’s like shaking and he bursts into the dressing room after they all come off stage

he makes it there before everyone else because he RAN like a dork

you’re packing up all your stuff and hear the door open and you turn around to congratulate the boys but it’s just lucas and he runs in and pICKS YOU UP

he spins you around and sets you down and is like

JSDKSJDK Y/N WE WON ????

and you’re like

OMG YEAH I KNOW IM SO PROUD OF U ??!:&:@.

and then he just kisses you right on the lips in excitement

it’s just a press of lips and it was barely a kiss since he was still smiling so hard

his smile fades after and he looks , terrified

you also are terrified because ?

he’s Done It Now

the imaginary LINE has been CROSSED

but like, the barrier is broken now right ????

yolo

so you just shake your head and flick him on the nose

“damn you could have taken me to dinner first”

he laughs nervously because you haven’t made it clear whether or not you’re going to murder him and, That’s Scary

but you giggle and press up on your toes to kiss him more gently and tell him it’s okay and you like him and if he likes you back that would be GREAT

and he just smooshes you against him really hard and presses at least 26 kisses to your cheeks and it tickles and you’re like heY STOP THE LIPSTICK I PUT ON YOU WILL STAIN ME

“i like u too,, HEHEHHE”

“god you had to ruin it by cackling like the wicked witch of the west didn’t you???”

“absolutely, sweetheart :)”

okay the rest of nct u is on the way so you quickly agree that this should be a Semi Secret relationship because he’s so new to the scene and he’s probably not even allowed to date rn lol

but he INSISTS that he can treat you well no matter what and who are you to stop him honestly

he’s so blatant with the touching while you do his makeup now though that although you haven’t explicitly told anyone ,,, all the members of NCT know

he just loops his arms around your hips and pulls you close and blatantly admires you while you’re concentrated on his makeup

squeezes your ass every once in a while which makes you squeak and slap his shoulder

that little SHIT

one time taeil caught you sneaking in some food for lucas during dance practice and was like

“honestly just come in we all know you’re in a relationship gOD it’s so obvious”

so now you come to dance practice all the time with food for him and extra for the other boys

he’s always jealous

literally all the time

you’ll be doing marks makeup and hyping him up as usual

(baby bOY DESERVES IT)

and lucas will be :(((((( y don’t u say that stuff to me

“i literally say that and more to you and about you”

“okay but why not only me :(((((“

“oh my god”

or when you bring food he’ll be like NO she brought this for me go away you commoners !!!!!

honestly you feel like you’re taking care of a toddler sometimes except he’s HUGE

you have to be like

“now lucas, sharing is caring and i brought enough for everyone stop being gREEDY”

any free time he has he comes to your apartment

mainly because you guys want to be mushy and coupley and not have to listen to all the members whining and fake gagging

he’ll knock on your door at midnight with a blanket in hand and fresh out of the shower and looking CUTE

“can i sleep over :(((( i cant sleep without you:((((((“

BITCH

your heart melts oh my shosjdjdjckf

and this boy basically can’t sleep without you now because he sleeps over so much im emo

at first he insists on being the big spoon every time but after awhile Sleepy Baby Boy Lucas reveals himself

when he’s super tired he’ll just let himself in and climb in your bed and plant his head on your chest and his arms around your waist and just sigh contentedly

if he can’t sleep he’ll steal your hand and place it on top of his head and nudge you til you start running your fingers through his hair and scratching his scalp

uwu this is so cute

loves to hold your hands whenever possible

you guys can’t really go on dates since the relationship is Super Secret and he wants so bad to show you off but he CANT :/

so he just pretends y’all are out on the town and holds your hand at home when you’re just chillin

has taken to putting things you need in very high places so he can come up behind you and reach over your head to hand it to you

okay but like once in a while you both do your best to have a Normal Date where you go out doors you just have to be

Incognito Mode

so summer dates dont really work out since it’s hard to hide your identity when you’re not covered head to toe because it’s HOT

they’re mainly winter dates like ice skating and hot chocolate and fall festival stuff !!!!

he insists that you go to any festival in town like INSISTS

festival for a random and obscure flower?? you best believe you’re attending and going home covered flowers

he tried to make you a flower crown but it kept falling apart so he just stuck flowers all up in your hair AWE

forced you to pose so he could take pictures of you

(he made it his lock screen !!!! uwu)

this boy just, loves you so much and the day he tells you is when you’re both sick and dying because he got a cold and then gave it to you so you’re both laying in bed feeling Terrible

you’re laying there and feeling lightheaded and too hot but you’re both Clingy so you still hold hands at least lmao

and lucas tugs on your hand and you flop on your side to look at him expectantly

“yes, lucas?”

“hey”

“hey”

“guess what”

“hmmmmm what”

“i love you”

“oh, me too”

“like you love me too or you love you too”

“U2 is alright i guess”

“no i mean do you love me or yourself”

“both”

“sweet, self love is important too”

and theN YOU TERRIBLE PEOPLE PASS OUT HEHSHS

WHO CONFESSES THEIR LOVE LIKE THAT ????

when you wake up you feel slightly better and look over and see Your Man sprawled out over the bed with one arm haphazardly thrown over you

he rlly can’t sleep without a hand on you that is so so cute fuckdjkdjd

you remember confessing your love to each other in a delirious and feverish haze and snicker because it was RIDICULOUS

you gently turn to face him so you don’t wake him up and trail your fingertips up his arms to trace his features

his eyes flutter open and he’s literally unreal like he looks like an angel

and he smiles all sleepy like and brings his hand up to capture your wrist and kiss your palm

“good morning i’m no longer fucked up on theraflu and i love you”

“good morning i’m also no longer fucked up and i love you MORE”

he scoffs dramatically

“not possible !!!!!”

“is too !!!”

“is nOT”

“IS TOO”

“IS NOT”

and so on :-)

[ts-akhmim]

Episode 2 | “GET ME OUT OF HERE ” - Devon

okay so i filmed a video confessional earlier which is uploading where i basically talked about dealing with being a winner/the tomb and having an idol/potentially wanting to go to tribal pre-swap/deliberately choosing the puzzle/how much i love jake so that'll come at some point after this but just KNOW that came first. anyway just wanted to talk MORE because i have more thoughts. last round i was really conscious of needing to micro-manage my threat level and i think im putting in work to do that? im very concious that i cant play the same game as montenegro because im coming into it from a very different perspective/position. However, one thing I can do this season is transfer my prejury game, because i think it still works. What I need to do is to some extent take a backseat, where I'm not actively messaging people first, and keeping game talk kinda limited (but acknowledging it when people talk to me). Like I have the safety cushion of my idol, and my connection to jake/jordan, and to some extent dan and lovelis? like im not gonna be a target (touch wood) and hopefully if i am my men tm going to keep an eye out for me.... hopefully? it also means im not gonna be pushy about votes im gonna hear names and run with it (as long as its not jake/jordan, or lovelis tbh i get real good vibes from him). but yeah id really love the beauty tribe to go to tribal this round ive literally never spoken to a single one of them so i'd love one of that tribe that is a complete unknown quantity to go home DJDKLFSF. but yis so im feeling good taking a backseat but im gonna ejector seat myself forwards at some point, just got to figure out when to push the button

Okay so Bodhi left last night and that was really sad. We had nice conversations but i told him that if the rest of the tribe wanted him out i wasn't going to campaign for him. He ended up making his rounds but at the end of the day, no one felt strongly about keeping him. He speaks so well that it took me a night's rest to get my head straight. Also Trace got an alliance together of himself, myself, Scott and Isaac. Bitch i was SHOOK! I am so glad to be likable enough to be brought into someone else's core. So this kind of perfectly positioned myself and Scott between 2 alliances. I believe we're both more loyal to the one we formed before we found out we were going to tribal, but who knows. I did tell Autumn of the news because i figure if we were to lose again. Whichever of Isaac of Trace remains is going to feel on bottom and blow up that Scott and I were two-timing the DADS. Btw that is the dumbest alliance name I have ever been a part of but whatever. The rat pack has also formed and now him and I are in a good spot. I will say that i am nervous that MISS ALYSSA spoke the comparison into existence, but i really hope we don't continue to flop like Luzon did on Cagayan. But hey! If Denise can go to every tribal council in one season and win, maybe i can too. (PS i pissed myself with my score in winterbells but also F*CK WINTERBELLS, thats all, ty) 

Honestly I’m really regretting not participating in this challenge because I feel like our scores are.......not great. I feel like I could have turned out the puzzle and even winterbells. The flag Lovelis made is super cute and i think will fair well bc it’s very clean and neat. It’s not super creative, but it’s definitely well made. I think even if we went to tribal I would be okay though. Liam seems like an easy enough boot for us. No one seems that dazzled by his contributions to the tribe. 

i literally am the biggest clown who ever clowned for continuing to overdo it in challenges, if i'm allowed to make it to merge at this point it will literally be a miracle.

So Bodhi left on a unanimous vote yesterday and I'm glad that it worked out as planned! I definitely felt bad lying to him about it all and stuff, but I think it was the best for the tribe going forward. What does suck however is that we lost AGAIN! And it was actually close this time! I'm actually annoyed that we lost this time because I submitted my challenge at 4PM and the reason why we lost was because the last submission was at 8 :/ like... y'all couldn't get it in any earlier? Plus I'm annoyed because I find myself in the swing position between the DADS and The Rat Pack. Personally I don't trust Trace after finding out he tried to play the Rat Pack off as my idea when it was really his all along. To me, it shows that he'd betray me later on down the line. And the only purpose for "The Rat Pack" is so they feel like they're in the majority. So since we lost, I don't mind voting out Trace. Duncan and I called to confirm that we're on the same page. We also found out that Devon is telling us the same things about loyalty and allegiances and I don't like that. He also told Duncan that he would throw immunities and play idols for him if he needed it, and that Duncan was his number 1 ally. But he said the same exact thing to me. So... that has me a little sketch. But I also think that Autumn/Duncan are a close pair, so I may need to stick close to Devon for the long hall. But if Autumn/Duncan think I'm more with them than Devon, I'll take it. I'm supposed to go on call with the Dads soon. Duncan wants to tell them about the rat alliance so that Isaac doesn't use it as motive to get us out. Which i agree that it'd be a good idea as long as devon/autumn stick with us. Duncan and I both feel like Devon might be thrown off since he always likes to be in control, but not actually being in charge. So we'll need to do damage control when that happens. But for now it seems like Trace is going unless things change. If things go how I would want it to, then Trace leaves tomorrow. 

https://drive.google.com/file/d/1JKqH3EQMlugIe-lwHMYMG2qoVZ7dvIzr/view?usp=sharing

Omg!!!!! Another win that makes me so happy . The tribe is all getting along great and I couldnt all for better ppl. I'm hoping soon to get some kind of solid group together. Kendell adam and amiry are ppl I def wanna work with long term at the time. Just gotta see what happens. 

Not much has been happening lately so I might be able to keep this short and not ramble on and on like i usually do (ill still end up writing a novel probably) yippy yay it's day 5 and everything is still all smiles and giggles over here because we've won yet another immunity!! kinda boring tbh but obviously im happy we won immunity because now that buys me one more day and at the end of it that's all i care about. I kinda did want the brauns to go to tribal however instead of the brains because i just really would like my beauties to get a nice foot hold and a lead in the game, i actually enjoy taking to some of these people, and im trying my best to talk to as many people as i can, which anyone who knows me knows isn't the easiest thing for me, i was reading some of my old confessionals from both my past games and the one thing i consistently got dragged for was not being as present with people, which granted i did improve a lot on last time around for sure, but i still got work to do and im realizing that more each day when i have no urge whatsoever to talk to anyone (don't worry, it's not you, it's (crippling depression) me! I understand socializing is part of the game and i do think my social game is my strongest asset but to me i like to think of my social game as a more distinct kind, im more elusive and i like to be that, if you leave them wanting more dahling they'll keep you around, i dont like to show all my cards, and that's a quality that i reflect in both survivor and life, and it has advantages and disadvantages in both but ANYWHO despite all that dare i say i think im still doing *decent* ? I'm making it a priority to reach out at least once a day to *most people (AJ, Augusto, Amir, Austin) are the ones ive probably had some of the best conversations with where it was the most natural and just flowed you know, and still is on day 5, and with kendall ive had some talks with her i do like her but idk i get this vibe she's kinda holding back when talking to me, and ESPECIALLY same with connor? we only had one private conversation and he gave me about a 3 word response, and if you havent guessed by now i like elaboration or at least a lil bit of personality when you talk, no shade just an observation, so that's a small red flag im very much a person who matches energy, one of my go to's in survivor is being open to the possibility of anything, ill always work with anyone who will work with me, and i think thats how everyone should play so hopefully the people ive been talking a lot to feel similar but i guess we'll have to wait until a vote of some sort to see about all that.. I still havent heard any idol talk or even game talk quite frankly so im guessing people are just still keeping the friendly facade up..... or ...... is it me?? am i the one on the outs looking like boo boo the fool or is that just my paranoia getting to me??? im not gonna send myself into a tizzy about getting voted out when we're not even going to tribal i- lemme calm down. If i had to guess I'd say Kendall, Connor, or Amir have the idol probably but sounds like a mystery for another day because im DONE im clocking out for the night until other people wanna wake up and play the game too oop final note: ok but it would be sick and twisted if it turns out they are all playing the game just without me and im the first boot of the tribe 

Waking up on this glorious Day 5 with a new perspective. I originally applied to be on the brains tribe and was shook when I got brawn because let’s face it, my arms are akin to overcooked spaghetti noodles. BUT my tribe is so much stronger than the brains. I’m hoping for a big name to go to shake things up. AND I’m not really looking to swap onto a tribe with Trace or Autumn due to our past game history. Love them both dearly, but it’s gonna be a no from me. 

okie so! update from me is i think im doing okay. like i think the benefit of no dua lipa cave is you can just build connections with everyone, you aren't voting someone out every round so why not capitalise on that? i'm so afraid of the fact that i'm overdoing it in challenges like i really need to calm. down. but im reassuring myself with the fact that in the first challenge i only was top because i did like... one more thing than others like its not thattt big of a deal? my puzzle time was clownery but hopefully people don't pay attention to it? im getting very anxious about overdoing it in challenges, but my thought process now is like. i need to act like people have an awareness of it, without getting kinda consumed by my anxiety about it? idk im hoping since most of these people don't know me, they wont notice me doing good in the challenge but truly who can be sure also am really just liking my tribe? like jake is ofc a king, i love jordan (who im gonna talk to later, he is the only one i feel like i have to talk to today), i also really like TJ who i was super harsh on at the start for no reason, i get good ally vibes from lovelis, liam m is super sweet even tho he is kinda inactive and dan is so fun (plus he told jake that he speaks to me one of the most so we love that!!). i've been trying to figure out what i even do about a lot of the super old school players that i have no connection/point of reference with? like people like scott, adam, kendall, aj i have truly no basis with? thats whats so scary about a swap, is at this point in the game i know 10/20 people left aka the brawn tribe + duncan/isaac/autumn, and like 10/20 isnt bad... BUT then the other 10 aka the beauty tribe + trace/scott/devon i have literally no connection to which is super scary JAKSDFA. im just real afraid of a swap. just swap me with jordan/jake/autumn/isaac PLEATHE. im just a pile of anxiety this season idk what to do im like frozen because of how scared i am... maybe it'll be all fine

Well, that was a close one. I struggled with that comp all day and I feel like absolute shit that I only got our team that 1 point. To me, it's inexcusable not to have be able to help my tribe as I wanted to contribute and make sure I made my worth known. So now I'm just this paranoid mess that I would have been in trouble had we gone to tribal. It's been hard to talk to some of these people or for most of those who I do talk to, I just don't really know where there head is at. I'm not sure if this is just a really guarded tribe, or if I really should be concerned. So I don't know what to do just yet. And that's not a feeling I like when playing TS.

Not gonna lie, I’m pretty sad that Bodhi left the game like he was so active pre-season so I was expecting him to do his best to go super far and maybe he did? I don’t know, but I did want a chance to actually get to play with him in TS but we keep passing each other by! I hope he is doing good despite how he might feel being the first boot yknow but yeah <3 

The way I absolutely flopped with the idol system stuff is all types of funny and sad at the same time like I REALLY thought I did something only for it to be part of the challenge… That being said, Amir did tell me that he has a theory the idol system might be based on numbers which is interesting! I am super thankful he decided to tell me and we went on this long talk about how we are each other’s #1s which is super cute! I really do trust Amir and I do want to go far with him because he’s awesome but that being said, my #1 is me like I promised myself that I’d be selfish this time around just because being the selfless person I am hasn’t gotten me a win but we’ll cross that bridge when we get to it. We did go over a lot of stuff in terms of tribe dynamics and we both kinda agreed that AJ would be the first boot from the time if we went to tribal, we like our alliance with Kendall/Connor, we both like Adam and we both think Austin is sweet/genuine even if we don’t talk to him tons so yay for that too <3

I am SO trying to sell the fact that me and Kendall are a duo to Kendall which is funny to me idk hjfkds like she did approach me super early on about aligning but I do have the tiniest feeling she did that to mostly everyone but I’m trying to pin us with each other to her so she trusts me more, especially since I do feel as though she is the best connected on the tribe. I even called us Crystal Cox (me bc blazing speed and challenge flop ofc) and Ken(dell) ghfjdksl, I’m doing the most but yeah, I just want Kendall to see me as her #1 in the game on the off chance anything happens yknow?

Austin thinks I’m his #1 which is really sweet? I do like Austin even if it is hard to talk to him sometimes but hey, that happens. He told me that he’s really glad I’m on this tribe (which I have heard from basically everyone especially Adam and Amir which makes me feel cute omg) and that we might need to get a group going soon. I was like…. Tea but I also don’t know how quickly I want to get an alliance including Austin going just because it’s like… do I reveal that Austin and I are close-ish and be seen as a social threat? That just ain’t cute sis! But yeah, Austin told me he also really likes Kendall and Amir and that’s awesome that the two people I feel the closest to are ALSO doing THAT but at the same time, I want to be the one doing THAT the most because I’m greedy (by Ariana Grande) so it’s something to keep in mind! 

The way I absolutely flopped at that puzzle… this is why I’m a Beauty cause a sis ain’t smart to complete a puzzle and I’m not brawn-y enough to do well in a challenge hgjfdk BUT that being said, Hagthor beat the thots and apiss and I couldn’t be any happier! I do wish Brawn lost over Brain but yknow, you can’t have everything go your way (‘: it’s funny how I slayed the last challenge and flopped this one tho like a bitch really lacks consistency huh ghfjndmks

Ugh fineeeee since I've been called out... by myself. I guess I'll do the bare minimum. So we won immunity!!!! Wooo!!!!!! Low-key though through out the entire process of making the flag, I just kept thinking darn I wish we voted out someone last tribal because drawing 7 people is annoying... watch me get voted out next tribal council lol. That would be quality foreshadowing. Today I have two goals. 1. Figure out what the method of entering the tomb. I intend on getting in contact with Augusto or Connor for that one. Augusto because he is low-key my number one. Connor because I feel if anyone can solve it he probably could. 2. Set up group chat with me, Augusto, and Austin. So Austin can feel a false sense of reassurance and Augusto and I have options. Write more later maybe.

Honestly im feeling kind of trepidatious going forward which is a little wierd, i just dont feel like ive gotten my footing yet in this game. I think like, im in a good spot to be fine on this tribe because of my social game and how I contribute in challenges, but I dont know if I feel good about anything longterm just yet. What really is bothering me is the tomb. Its gonna be round 3 tonight and I haven't made any more progress on getting in than I have night one. I feel like I have a lot of pieces to this puzzle but nothing is fitting together and its bothering me. I'm also a little upset that if we lose, I could see Liam being the target and I can't see my self risking my position to save him if he cant save himself. He has my name on his wiki page its an obvious association to me, and while I think hed be loyal to me, I'm just wondering honestly if him as an ally is worth the target it may bring. Im cautiously moving through the beginning of this game with a lot of unnease and hopefully I find some steady ground soon.

I am annoyed that we are yet again at tribal. I played so fucking hard at winter bells but of course someone on another tribe got like 238593277 billion which threw us back into tribal... So annoying truthfully. But it's alright, I should be able to make it out alive. I want Devon to go home. But I also don't want to let my guard down. This vote is important for a few reasons. The first reason is that our tribe is very close, so I am nervous that lines are going to be drawn in the sand. The second is that, after this vote, we will be down to five, making 3 the majority. We have an alliance of 4, and lord knows that when you are down to 5, whoever feels like 3 and 4 of the alliance are most likely going to try and rope in the 5th person to get rid of each other. So my plan is to make Isaac and Scott BOTH feel as though they are my number 1s so that they actually stick to our alliance of 4 thinking that I will be keeping them both if we lose again. This is the only way that i can see it working, but idk. I feel bad if Devon ends up going because he's a nice guy, but we have to make choices about strengthening our team, and then I have to make a choice about strengthening my place in the game. Hopefully this doesn't come to bite me in the ass.

Things have been going pretty well for my tribe! We won the first immunity challenge and that really seemed to boost tribe morale. Granted, these past couple of days I've been quiet since I'm trying to boost grades that are literally 0s into something manageable before I graduate hehe. I've tried to keep up with people through small conversations, which seems to work better for me at the moment until I get myself together. Adam wants to create an alliance with Augusto and Amir, which I'm totally for. I understand, though, that he doesn't wanna do it immediately since there's really no urgency to? We didn't go to tribal, so why did it matter! That excuse aside, I do hope that us holding our breath to say something doesn't bite us in the ass because these are people I want to work with! I wanna get something going with Kendall as well hopefully, since I adore her! Earlier, I stated that Adam and I (Adam, really) found our way into the tomb and both flopped in the questions. Adam took another stab at it and found out we've been bamboozled! Someone beat us to the punch and has whatever contents were inside the tomb. I'm assuming it was an idol, but who knows what else is in there! It kinda made me lose motivation to keep searching inside but when in Rome? I'll probably end up trying again despite knowing the end result just because I wanna prove I can be a smart cookie as well. I also didn't gloss over this but I'll mention it really quickly, but I'm sad Bodhi went! He was one of the few people I was familiar with on the other tribes so it's unfortunate we aren't going to be able to connect with each other this game. A king has fallen. In lighter and more recents events, my tribe crushed the second immunity challenge. Kendall stunned with her artistry and I'm still gushing over how cute everyone's character was. I kinda like decimated Winterbells, but I've always been good at the game, and Amir did really well in the scavenger hunt. Augusto and Austin did really well in the puzzle also, despite their lack of confidence in offering a strong performance. We appear to be THEE tribe to beat honestly and I'm loving that. I love our tribe! I LOVE OUR TRIBE! It really would be a tragedy if we aren't able to keep up this win streak we're manifesting. 

Sorry for not writing this sooner! Been having a bad depressive episode for the last couple days and it makes me unmotivated to write c': I feel like a flop so far in this game, not because I submit shit scores, but because I find it exhausting to connect with some of these people. They're all very nice in their own special ways, but interacting w some is like pulling teeth, and I guarantee they feel the same about me, which I would expect. That being said, I hope we keep winning, cause I don't have the energy to go to tribal right now.

Heading into a second tribal council, there is becoming less and less room to hide. I am struggling to hold my own against the other tribes when it comes to competitions, but thank goodness it's a numbers game. If everything goes accordingly, I am taking a backseat this vote and allowing a 4-2 vote out when it comes to Trace. I appreciated Duncan coming to me with the alliance chat information with him/Scott/Trace/Isaac, but didn't like how Autumn needed to tell me first. Shows that I really can't trust Scott/Duncan after a swap comes up. In regards to Scott, he outright didn't say anything. I like him and all, but it was a slimy move to say the least. He only said something because he HAD to vote out someone in one of his two alliances. This group will be dumb as hell if they let me swap. I'll flip on them as soon as possible and invite anyone into my alliance. The tribe swap is where I made my 'Slithers' game infamous last time, so I'm hoping for a similar output. Don't forget: I swapped with the minority last time in Guyana (shout out to Jess), so I'm not worried about the numbers and how its split. ALL I NEED IS A SWAP OR TWIST. GET ME OUT OF HERE. 

Thank God we won that based on the tiebreaker, but yikes I didn't think my flag would've tanked so hard. Guess I've gotta get better at perfecting my craft huh, but at least we're safe. I feel nervous on this tribe to be honest, because I think I'm the second to bottom on the totem pole after the other Liam, so it isn't reassuring that if we lose twice I'll either be gone, or I could even be gone at our first tribal if he's got a solid alliance going...the only alliance I have right now is with Jordan and I don't really know where I sit with everyone else, but I'm afraid of overplaying... ugh so annoying! I think I just need to force a couple of game related conversations with people to build up some trust, just hope it wouldn't paint a target on my back for trying I guess...

oh gorl, some of these people on my tribe really think im just the clown of the tribe and cant put two and two together, well guess what, IM NOT. So Amir messages me, which nothing out of the ordinary there, ive been talking to him every day so far for the most part like i said we're a little familiar with each other from our pasts, but i was VERY surprised today at what had happened... what had happened was....he starts talking the smallest bit of game with me, basically he just said, "is it me or is everyone really quiet here?" and so i just agreed with him and i said yeah i dont think people are talking game yet which is a little weird, and then i threw the TINEST tea crumpet out there and i said "yeah ive talked to some people so easily like you, but then there's others who.....i cant say the same for" and i was absolutely hinting at connor/kendall just because i havent had the longest convos with them, which no biggie, but THEN about 20 minutes later i get a message from CONNOR of all people saying "hey adam!" ..... obviously im glad to talk to him and im all for getting to know everyone, but my instincts immediately went off and told me it's a little sus....how not even a few minutes ago i was saying how some people never talk to me and then out of no where the one person i was mainly talking about messages me?? Coincidences don't exist in survivor. Now I really have no choice but to think that amir in someway mentioned to connor that i said theres some people i havent talked to at all and that he probably needed to work on that.. which is true, but cmon. i know the tribe brain cell is missing but at least put a little thought into this and message me later tonight or not right after i say it?? I'm not sure if they have any type of past connection and while I definitely do wanna keep building my relationship with Amir, this will definitely make me question him a little bit at least until i see how some votes fall when we eventually go to tribal. Amir also told me he's had the most convos with Augusto, which is funny because thats exactly how both me and aj feel about augusto, which tells me augusto is really playing the game rn, and while thats someone i want to work with, it's also someone i need to be extremely careful with if we're still playing together down the road. plot twist: connor messaging me has absolutely nothing to do with amir and i just made this whole conspiracy for nothing but idk.... it's a conspiracy IM interested in.

***last add on because i forgot to say how the hell im gonna HANDLE this amir/connor situation... im keeping my eyes on it incase theyre in kahoots and also if they think im that dumb then clearly they havent watched me play before, which is great for me but bad for them, you cant trick a trickster try all you want, There's nothing I love more than being underestimated in survivor because it kinda makes it a little easier to play and gives me more options, so sure ill keep up my fake smiles and act like we're all fine and dandy, ill play dumb and wont even act like im onto them but i absolutely am and ill be ready to make my move the second it seems right 

Ugh I feel so DIRTY. I feel so GROSS. Poor Devon, truly. I spoke with Autumn and told her about Devon, and she was in without a fight and told me that it should be 5-1. And then Devon came to me and was like... we all good for the vote tonight? And I'm like ................yes? Lol. I'm good, you're probably not. ugh, this is the part of this game that I hate. I want to never lose immunity ever again, let someone else break someone else's heart!

Something about Kendall is so chaotic and terrifying and I can’t put a finger on why.her aligning was her talking to me for the first time in a day saying “let’s align” and created an alliance chat without even asking who else should be in it which leads me to believe her Augusto and Connor already have a trio and I was the 4th. Are all these focking people playing me?? Like i still cant tell if this is a real alliance but i want to believe it is and not a bluff to vote me out. But also like why even do that, the only person on this cast that I trust and have played with, bodhi, has just been voted out. I’m a free agent and I can help that alliance make it far in the game, but they also have lots of relationships on other tribes so like I might not even be that valuable to them. I mentioned to Augusto about the numbers on the blog, hoping to create more trust because I really really love him and want to trust him but I’m still just so damn unsure. if we lose this immunity and I get one bad signal from any of those 3, if they slip up even once, I won’t hesitate to align and gather the minority. But if they are playing me properly, then kudos to them! 

I am just happy i have the idol i am going to put it in my ass. 

me when the brains tribe only has 5 members left http://prntscr.com/s8y76g

You know what? https://66.media.tumblr.com/b7b4accba586ad321141b6ba80d69044/tumblr_omule3fwZC1w1swfno1_250.gifv I'm mad but I'm not tight because that same alliance that Duncan and I orchestrated is the same alliance that will get us through. So do I enjoy going to tribal? No. And do I enjoy knowing that Trace created an alliance w/ everyone except me and Devon? No. But the Dads will prevail and I trust Scott and the gang. I mean Ducnan is family so as long as we don't go it's fine. But Devon is my baby so absolutely gotta kill for him. That's what keep em close hahaha But no the Trace vote is a dream come true that I only crossed my mind once and STILL got manifested. Like Duncan suggested it and I said you got it because Trace will be the FIRST to rally all the white boys against me in a swap. Cute or not, Trace will kill me I'm convinced. Like something in my spirit told me not to trust Trace and low and behold: Duncan reveals that alliance to me on Day 3. So confirmed, Trace is leaving so that I don't fall to the bottom of the tribe. But it's all good- Isaac listens to Fleetwood Mac and watches Schitt's Creek so he's a good guy. And Scott is literally a cinammon roll who's too busy to snitch or flip. I don't have time to discuss how much I love Duncan or Devon so we're tabling that. Anyway If y'all need me I'll be doing this 4 part immunity challenge that determines whether I make Final 3 in the other org I'm in so try not to need me lmao

okay so... we aren't going to tribal but its still kinda messy on brawn beach. i kinda have felt this energy for a while, but i don't think jake and jordan have enough trust between the two of them for us to be a continual three person alliance. jake is a very reactive, gut-impulse kind of player which is honestly to his benefit since he is super perceptive. however that also means he is quick to be anxious about stuff in the game, which is the same as me and that is why we click. BUT. he thinks something is up with dan/jordan and honestly i see that and feel it. jordan keeps hinting at dan being the one to loop in and i think that does say something about them having some sort of game dynamic. however, jordan is maybe downplaying that relationship which is scary KLAF tbh i still like jordan and wanna work with him, but i do 100% have to keep tabs on him, his social connections could definitely become a problem if he has other priorities over me! so i think i just have to make sure im a continuing priority for him, so i have to find some sort of information to bring to him (maybe when dan proposes the alliance of me/jordan/jake/dan to me ill run to jordan and be like hey did dan suggest this to you how do you feel) to solidify that sort of trust? idk... i want my j-men to stick together and they ARENT. maybe i need to solidify stuff with TJ specifically more, he gives good ally vibes? but ya... its a mess tm

[sleepinglightt]

EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE 150 QUESTIONS

1. Who was the last person you held hands with?My most recent ex

2. Are you outgoing or shy?I’d say I’m pretty outgoing

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing?Mainly my dad, 2 more weeks!! I’m super excited

4. Are you easy to get along with?I think so? I talk a lot so I probably get annoying but then again there’s always a conversation so 🤷🏻‍♀️

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you?I think so

6. What kind of people are you attracted to?People with positive energies, cute smiles, and nice hearts

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now?Who knows man, I’m pretty emotionally damaged though. I have a lot of baggage.

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind?My dad, I miss him.

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable?Nope.

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say?“It just really grinds my gears”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now?-down 4 u by blackbear-gorgeous by mansionz-surprise party by hoodie allen -ivy by frank ocean-dead roses by blackbear (I love blackbear ok I’m sorry his voice just makes me happy and I can relate with the whole people screwing you over aesthetic)

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair?Uhhh yes

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles?I believe in miracles, but I don’t believe in luck bc I think everything happens for a reason

15. What good thing happened this summer?Pride, I learned a lot about myself, and I got to be in a cool show with some cool people

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?No comment next question pls

17. Do you think there is life on other planets?I think there’s gotta be, the universe is just too big dude.

18. Do you still talk to your first crush?No, but funny story I literally only thought he was cool bc we bonded over Chris brown and Halloween town and i was in like 1st grade. Honestly my first REAL crush on a girl who was my best friend and I thought she was an angel tbh

19. Do you like bubble baths?Yup, but I have to at least wash off my body before I take a bath bc I don’t like soaking in my own dirt ya feel

20. Do you like your neighbors?I don’t really know them, one of them is this kinda cool old guy though. He picks up twigs and leaves every morning, pretty dope dude if you ask me.

21. What are you bad habits?I get attached to easily, but I also distance myself a lot when people get to close bc I have trust issues. Like whenever anyone gets too close I freak out bc I don’t know how to handle emotions and I always try to break up with them before they hurt me.

22. Where would you like to travel?I wanna go to the red wood forest in Cali and I’d like to go somewhere where there’s a black sand beach bc I think those are pretty cool.

23. Do you have trust issues?I have major trust issues wdym

24. Favorite part of your daily routine?Sleeping

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with?The fact it doesn’t work properly is kind of a bummer and it pisses me off. Look wise, I’m not too fond of my nose tbh. It’s kinda big and triangular and I used to think I looked like phineas.

26. What do you do when you wake up?On school days I normally try to wait a minute so I can see how much feeling I have in my legs before I stand up. Sometimes I fall over or whatever but it’s cool. On week ends and days I have doctors appointments I sleep in and then I lay in bed for like 30 mins to an hour and do stuff on my phone.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker?I don’t really care tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around?My closest friends

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up?Yeah

30. Do you ever want to get married?Yup

31. If your hair long enough for a pony tail?My hair is long enough for like 3 ponytails

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with?Ellen page and missy peregrym

33. Spell your name with your chin.Wo fMy name is Alex, but I tried

34. Do you play sports? What sports?I used to play softball and I was in love with it, but then I quit for theatre and music.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music?Tv

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them?I normally tell people, but sometimes I don’t

37. What do you say during awkward silences?I normally make a stupid joke

38. Describe your dream girl/guy?Uhhhhh next question plS

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in?target and thrift stores. Especially value villages, I always find cool stuff at value village.

40. What do you want to do after high school?I’m gonna go to college, I recently have been considering doing pre med and then going to medical school but who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance?I think some people do, and I think some people have to prove that they deserve a second chance, but then there are people that don’t deserve even a first chance let alone a second chance.

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean?I’m either thinking or I’m trying to keep my mouth shut so I don’t say something mean

43. Do you smile at strangers?I always smile when I make eye contact

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean?Space my dude

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning?Sometimes I don’t get out of bed tbh, like today I didn’t get out of bed except to go to the bathroom and to take a shower. Most of the time it’s just bc of school

46. What are you paranoid about?Everything

47. Have you ever been high?Nope

48. Have you ever been drunk?Nope

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about?Not that I know of

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore?It’s rainbow tie dye

51. Ever wished you were someone else?Sometimes, but most of the time I’m happy in my own body

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself?I wish I could learn to trust people better and let them in. I tend to isolate myself a lot, even from the people in my house because I’ve been hurt so much that it’s hard to trust people tbh

53. Favourite makeup brand?I really love Anastasia Beverly Hills but I also love tarte and kat von d 🤷🏻‍♀️

54. Favourite store?Target

55. Favourite blog?I have a couple, @thequeerexpoditionist @sapphic-sage @brianniscute and all of the lesbian blogs

56. Favourite colour?Yellow

57. Favourite food? Noodles

58. Last thing you ate?A ho ho bc I’m a ho ho

59. First thing you ate this morning?I had pancakes

60. Ever won a competition? For what?I won some tournaments in softball, does that count?

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what?Nope I’m a good noodle

62. Been arrested? For what?Never

63. Ever been in love? Yeah

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss?It was in a church parking lot and I bumped teeth with the guy and it was awkward, shortly after I broke up with him for my first girlfriend oops

65. Are you hungry right now?Not really

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends?I don’t really have a lot of tumblr friends tbh

67. Facebook or Twitter?Twitter bc I love the tea

68. Twitter or Tumblr?Tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now?Nope

70. Names of your bestfriends? Briann, faith, and Elizabeth

71. Craving something? What?I’m craving a cuddle buddy bc it’s cold and I just wanna lay on someone’s chest

72. What colour are your towels?They’re multi colored

72. How many pillows do you sleep with?Okay so I’m weird and I have like 5 pillows on my bed but when I go to sleep I don’t use any of them

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals?Yeah don’t judge me

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have?Probably like 10-15 but a lot of them are in my closet (just like me)

75. Favourite animal?I really love dogs, they make me happy. I also really love cats though. I LOVE ALL ANIMALS HONESTLY

76. What colour is your underwear?It’s blue

77. Chocolate or Vanilla?Swirl ;) just kidding I like vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour?Vanilla with strawberries in it

79. What colour shirt are you wearing?It’s grey and it has dogs on it

80. What colour pants?I’m wearing black shorts

81. Favourite tv show?The x files, but I’ve recently been watching the good doctor and it’s really good!

82. Favourite movie?Dead poets society orrrr perks of being a wallflower

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2?Mean girls what kind of question is that

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street?I’ve never seen all of 21 jumpstreet so I guess mean girls

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls?Gretchen, I can relate to her anger

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo?Either the starfish, the puffer fish, or the little squid girl

87. First person you talked to today?Faith

88. Last person you talked to today?So far it’s been Faith

89. Name a person you hate?I don’t talk about him

90. Name a person you love?Briann!

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now?Not really?

92. In a fight with someone?I don’t think so

93. How many sweatpants do you have?Like 1 pair no joke

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have?Too many

95. Last movie you watched?THE NEW SAW MOVIE OMG

96. Favourite actress?Ellen page bc I have a crush on her

97. Favourite actor?Zachary Quinto bc I love him and he was great in Star Trek plus heS GAY

98. Do you tan a lot?I don’t tan, ever.

99. Have any pets?I have a dog named gizmo but he doesn’t love me as much as I love him :((

100. How are you feeling?Like crap, same as usual

101. Do you type fast?On my phone? Yes. On my laptop? No.

102. Do you regret anything from your past?I regret a lot of things, but ya gotta learn one way or another 🤷🏻‍♀️

103. Can you spell well?I think so

104. Do you miss anyone from your past?I guess so

105. Ever been to a bonfire party?Yup

106. Ever broken someone’s heart?Unfortunately I think so

107. Have you ever been on a horse?Yeah

108. What should you be doing?I should be writing an essay

109. Is something irritating you right now?Not really

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt?Yeah

111. Do you have trust issues?Um yeah I already answered this oneeeee

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of?I don’t even remember I try not to cry in front of people

113. What was your childhood nickname?I used to get called Grace in softball bc I always tripped over my own feet and I’d constantly get hurt lmao

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state?Yup thank god

115. Do you play the Wii?I haven’t played the wii in forever but I bet I’d still kick ass in wii tennis

116. Are you listening to music right now?Nope

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup?I love chicken noodle soup bc I love noodles

118. Do you like Chinese food?Yes yes yes

119. Favourite book?Right now it’s probably diary of an oxygen thief, but looking for Alaska is still my all time fav

120. Are you afraid of the dark?Kinda I get The Spooks™

121. Are you mean?Sometimes I can be really mean, most of the time it isn’t intentional and I feel bad but sometimes it’s well deserved

122. Is cheating ever okay?Nope

123. Can you keep white shoes clean?Probably not, I don’t own a pair of white shoes though

124. Do you believe in love at first sight?Nah

125. Do you believe in true love?Yeah

126. Are you currently bored?Not really

127. What makes you happy?Coffee, genuine hugs, dogs, hiking, the way the sun feels on a chilly day, good grades, sleeping, ya know the usual stuff

128. Would you change your name?I used to hate my name, but now I think it’s pretty cool

129. What your zodiac sign?I’m a Gemini with a rising Scorpio

130. Do you like subway?Not really

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do?Next question

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with?Faith

133. Favourite lyrics right now?“And you give good head, make daddy real proud of you” bc the way blackbear says it is really cool and I wish someone would give me good head and call me daddy

134. Can you count to one million?Probably not lmao

135. Dumbest lie you ever told?I’ve told a lot of dumb lies I think it’s a pretty human thing to do

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed?I have to sleep with them open and I hate it bc I get really paranoid

137. How tall are you?I’m 5’6

138. Curly or Straight hair?I have straight hair but I think curly hair is really pretty

139. Brunette or Blonde?I have a thing for brunettes

140. Summer or Winter?Winter

141. Night or Day?I feel inclined to say night, but I like doing things during the day so idk

142. Favourite month?Used to be December but someone had to fuck it up for me so idk

143. Are you a vegetarian?No, I’m trying to be though

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate?All chocolate, I don’t discriminate against chocolate

145. Tea or Coffee?Coffee, but I really love sweet iced tea

146. Was today a good day?Not really

147. Mars or Snickers?Snickers

148. What’s your favourite quote?“We’re all homos” - michael Scott

149. Do you believe in ghosts?Kinda yeah

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “But thanks to AA I had signed a new lease of life and I was determined to use it” -diary of an oxygen thief

[survivormontenegro]

Episode 11: “Recalibrate How I’m Playing This Game” - Caeleb

okay I'm writing a long confessional then going to bed.

Jules was robbed. I was really gonna idol them when Jones/Caeleb told me Jules was getting votes, but Jules was only getting 5, and I naively thought both that Jason wasn't going to flip and Tom wouldn't self vote AGAIN ASKDLJFAF.

I'm frustrated because I love Jules. Jules was robbed and deserved better than having to deal with Alex who like will tell Jules they made a mistake and ugh. I'm frustrated that I didn't idol Jules, even though it wouldn't have been smart and would've put me in a tough game spot, its just all super tricky sigh.

in other news, Jones/Mo/Mitch need to go. I'm super proud of Mo for doing something (like genuinely) and not playing passively, I defo underestimated him, but him and Jones have way too much sway on this tribe, tied to Mitch who is clearly able to work people.

I think a good end-group for me would be Me/Benj/Tom/Julia. I really really like Caeleb but he actually is playing super smart, so I really don't think I can have him sticking around much longer.

I think a good new bootlist is: Jones > Mitch > Mo > Jason > Caeleb

I'm just frustrated because Jules was robbed and really did not deserve that, Mo/Jones are too powerful, and now so is Mitch. I'm gonna idol one of them out, and I'm going to love doing it.

Holy fuck what the fuck that worked. Ok so here’s what just went down, Jules said to Jason that she’d be fine voting out either me or Mitch. People were leaning towards Mitch. We had like 20 minutes left and we started discussing and I threw out to Jones, what if we get Jules out, but she kinda ignored it and carried on with the Mitch plan. Because Jules has a lot of connections I can understand why Jones would be hesitant. So then I throw the pitch rob Caeleb and Mitch throws the pitch to Jason and they’re both on board. But that would of only been five people. Meaning it most likely would of tied so we were like ok I guess we’ll just vote Mitch. BUT THEN BENJ GETS ONLINE and he’s like “Yeah I’ll vote Jules.” SO I SCRAMBLE BACK TO CAELEB LIKE WAIT VOTE JULES WE HAVE THE NUMBERS. SAME WITH JONES AND JASON. WE GET JULES OUT. Which of course is sad because she’s literally a sweetheart and she’s super funny, but she had so many people in her corner and her and Ali combined was a scary combo. BUT I MEAN I HAVE A COOL GAME MOVE IN MY POCKET NOW THAT I DID (with Mitch) BUT WOW ME.

Whew chile!!! I must admit that vote was VERY scary and VERY hectic. I thought for a moment my game was ending. Thankfully my social relationships with people allowed me to stay and send the person who was targeting me home (Jules). Now this is GREAT for me because i trusted Jules the least on the merge tribe. The communication thing never worked out between the two of us but i still find her to be a very nice person :). In regards to the vote, Mo/Caeleb, Benj, Jason, and Jones all voted to save me. To me, I feel like this means im in a really good position because everyone likes me enough to SAVE me. Up until 5 minutes before the deadline, I thought i was done for. I gotta be careful with who I work with in the future because my threat level is rising. People in touchy subjects saw me as the one who thinks they are running the game but are not, but man is this far from the truth. I'd like to say that although I didn't know what was going on COMPLETELY, I still pretty much helped/forced the target onto the person who went home. Ian- Told Alex about how I suspected Jason and Ian of being a duo (correct assumption according to ali) and everyone ended up splitting between the two (I did not care who went). Alex- I pushed very hard for alex to go because he was so dang controlling and i found that very threatening. Jules- targeted me first but I never trusted her because of how little we spoke. When she decided to target me it was the icing on the cake. Hopefully these next few rounds are smooth sailing because we NEED easy votes for at least a little bit.

okay so i am trying SO hard for immunity, like its not even funny. i think i have 100+ points right now, with more videos uploading and with more planned photos tomorrow. immunity would be SO sweet, because that'd guarantee me a spot in the F8, and with my idol F7.

in other news. if i haven't said it enough, it must be said again. BENJ IS SUCH A KING. like today he told me he wants to go to F4 with Julia and Tom. I truly, truly could have shed and wept real tears. That is exactly the F4 I want, like EXACTLY ,and Benj agrees, and we are going to make it HAPPEN.

He also wants to separate Mo/Jones this round... and like honestly, I'm so down. Like I think he wants to vote off Mo versus Jones which I think is a bad idea, since Jones is a better talker and more of a threat, but his argument about Jones being a shield makes some sense.

my ideal bootlist moving forwards for the season, although it requires like julia/tom to stick with me and benj pretty tightly, is:

Mo/Jones > Mitch > Jason > Mo/Jones > Caeleb > F4: Me/Tom/Benj/Julia

and also since i love doing this for no reason, this would be my ranking of those left if i was to go to jury this round:

Mitch > Jason > Jones > Benj > Caeleb > Julia > Mo > Tom

Mitch is SO savvy, and so likable, and I could see as a definite winner, having survived so much. I can't decide if Jones is a threat because she is just so likable, or if she is actually palying super well, but I have both her and Jason very high in my opinion. Benj is so smart, I feel like he probably isn't considered as such by the other threats, but I hear him talk game - he is super woke. Caeleb is actually playing a very smart game too, flipping back and forth. I definitely underestimated him in early merge, his MIND. Julia I think is super game-savvy, just her style gets in her own way sometimes. Mo I feel like definitely did stuff last vote, but I see him as Jones' shadow/goat right now so would need to see much more. Tom I'm stuck because him self-voting twice I think almost definitely excludes him from winning so its hard to tell how I'd feel about him in an FTC. the main thing is that... we shall see.

BUT I AM WINNING IMMUNITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY

Sending this now bc I forgot. Jason beat me in reward OOPS but I can still possibly win immunity,,,,,? Maybe?

Eek me at jules being voted out, honestly i didnt really know what was going to happen at that tribal for the sole fact that everything started moving whilst i was asleep but im kinda shocked that it ended up being jules.... Like i personally wouldnt have made that move right now maybe in like 2 more rounds. Its quite scary the fact that mitch got so many people to turn on jules when i thought she was quite the loved player. So I've gotta keep an eye out for him he's probably playing the best game atm but i think ill try to take him out sooner rather than later

I think I might have to recalibrate how I’m playing this game. I honestly didn't think I was all that close to Jules so her cursing me kinda surprised me. SO, that means I think a lot of people are gonna be cursing me in the upcoming rounds. Not that I am planning a lot of blindsides, I just feel a lot closer to the people actually left. Julia might be the only one that wouldn't curse me at this point, but also she might because she doesn't like me all that much. And being cursed a bunch might put a really large target on my back too.

y'all i just found another idol im SCREECHING. and its a boujee one too, a sapphire idol. I'm so AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, i know where 2/3 idols are for sure, I'm truly screaming.

This was me an Mitch on call when we realized we had the numbers to vote out Jules

heres the thing, i prefer the selfie scavenger hunt when im on a team because that way im motivated to get stuff done out of fear of letting everyone down. where as by myself, i let myself down all the time. ali is scary good at comps and im lazy.

ALI FOUND THE MERGE IDOL AND ITS A SAPPHIRE IDOL AHHH!!!

IM SO HAPPY FOR HIM/US BUT ALSO LOWKEY PISSED BECAUSE I GET ALL THE BRIDGE STEPS AND THEN HE GETS LUCKY AT THE VERY END LMAO. AGAIN.

BUT OH WELL ATLEAST ITS NOT SOMEONE ELSE!!

And if I had any doubts (I never had) about him betraying me before I have 0 now.. u like have to really trust someone to tell them u have 2 idols LOL I could literally expose so much right now

BUT IM NOT GONNA WOO!!! BEST DUO IVE EVER HAD! Like I know it will be hard to beat him at the end but idc I want that duo story for us

Literally an idol magnet king I knew I chose the best ally on day 1

sapphire idols sound kinda annoying tho cuz u cant choose who its played on . like what if ur plan actually works and u idol the person u wanted gone LOL

lowkey would rather a normal idol ?? anyways ali went off in immunity and its final 9 idk who will go but I kinda want like mo gone (king) but we have no strategic bond so.. plus he will slip by to the end otherwise

I doubt that plan is gonna work tho cuz idk how to lead votes!! im flop sheep!

Update on idol hunt - I'm killing johnny

Update apparently I’m running a vote KSKSKKFMFMFFK take back EVERYTHING I SAID ABOUT NOT NEEDING POWER LMAOOOO

ok so Storytime

I’m talking to Tom at like 5:00-6:00 ish, and he says he hasn’t heard anything but he’d be down to vote Julia if other people were voting Julia (at this point this is the only name and it was said by Tom and that’s it)

At this point I tell Mo what Tom said (Bc tom and I were talking about Mo) and he said he wasn’t surprised Julia’s name was brought up

Talk to Mitch at like 7:00 ish and he’s apparenrly being targeted by Ali and for whatever reason I have this hero complex and I wanna save him all of a sudden?? I also feel like he’ll be a big shield down the road that everyone else would want out over me so it makes much more sense to keep him? SO I tell him about Julia.

I Run to Mo, tell him about Julia plan he’s on board. MOs talking to Caeleb, and Jason wouldn’t go behind Mitch’s back. So that’s already 5 people I think voting Julia, 6 if we include Tom and 7 if Benj also knows. Which I’ll probs tell him.

So ya??? Turned an idea into a plan!! I’m doing that y’all. Idk?? I’m proud. I don’t need need this much power after this round or else my ego will be the size of my dick but!!! Idk guys I’m proud of myself.

(Literally only 35 minutes later)

Literally having a stroke tonight laid ease

Uhm apparently Tom/Jason/Ali had an alliance and were trying to get me out and tried throwing me under the bus to Julia and tried saying shit I didn’t say,, so ya,,, :)

Tom tried twisting it like I was the one who threw Julia’s name out bc apparently she’s inactive? Which is cute,, I said jack shit about that. So ya.

Um I’m voting Tom tonight now. I’m an indecisive bitch tho so it might change but. Fuck Tom. We gotta break up this alliance apparently. Julia’s the only person that’s said shit to me this whole day about what’s happening so I’m more likely to believe her than anyone else sooo ya. Fuck Tom. Fuck these men.

[jeff-better]

Smoking With The Jocks

A/N: aloha ferns. this fic is based off of @allthe13reasonswhyheadcannons headcannon that is absolutely amazing. all of their headcannons are just amazing and you should give it a read including all of their others. i have permission to write this so don’t think i’m doing something illegal or something. idk. anyway, i hope you enjoy!

Note to @allthe13reasonswhyheadcannons: i added some small things in here to keep the story flowing and just for my personal preference. i still added in things from the headcannon but i added some othert things too. i hope that’s okay. thanks again for letting me write something based on your headcannon. i hope i did you justice with this writing. i loved writing this and as always, i poured my heart and soul into it. i hope i can partner with you in the future. also, i made her home life extreme just for some plot thickness. hope you enjoy, stay street. and don’t choke. xx p.s. you’re probably gonna think y/n is a little thotty but bc i am myself i kinda made her one. oops. and this took me soo long to write. and it’s like 3K words. so, sorry about that.

SUMMARY: finals suck ass but weed comes in clutch to calm you down. 

WARNINGS: drug usage, 

Song(s) used/mentioned: Location-Khalid, LOVE.-Kendrick Lamar (ft. ZACARI)

finals are just bitches. everyone can agree, even the smartest kids. 

today was day 2 of finals and y/n was already done. she was ready to just give up on high school at this point.

 after taking her math final, she was at lunch drinking her chocolate milkshake that her brother had brought by for her when a bee flew near her table. 

alex said that the bee wasn’t flying remotely near y/n so she continued sipping her drink and minding her business. but, alex wasn’t right and the bee was right beside her. she screamed and dropped the drink when the bee landed on her hand, spilling it all on her. 

she knew alex only meant the best and he didn’t do it on his own, so she forgave him completely. but she was so over school at this point that she burrowed alex’s car and drove herself home where she changed and took a shower. 

y/n had begun to relax and get into a better mode when her mom randomly appeared out of thin air. y/n swore she was at work but apparently she was off for the day. 

her mom started yelling at her about coming home early. she told her to make herself useful and wash her clothes for the week and when y/n started to do that, she yelled at her more. she talked about how she wasn’t washing them right, how she wasn’t using the right product. 

then she talked about how y/n would be better off living at alex’s place or something where people would do things for her. she called y/n names like ‘slut, whore, thot’ and things that weren’t true. she said y/n slept with all her guy friends and that’s the only reason why she goes over to their houses a lot. 

when her mom kept yelling at her, y/n got so done with everything. she packed a bag of clothes and grabbed her phone charger and computer. while her mom was taking a nap, y/n grabbed alex’s car keys and drove over to his house. 

school wasn’t out for the day yet but she was sure alex wouldn’t mind letting her stay over for a short amount of time. peter was home and he let her in, telling her to get comfortable and take a nap if she needed. 

so, y/n did. she went into alex’s room and silently cried herself to sleep. she cried about everything. she cried out of frustration, she cried because of her mother, she cried because she thought she was a whore, and she cried because life sucked. 

y/n woke up and she still felt like complete shit. she felt arms around her waist and a head burrowed into the crook of her neck, light breathing hitting her skin. 

slowly, she turned around in the persons arms and was met with a sleeping alex standall. his face looked so relaxed, his lips a bright pink and his skin pale. his room was mostly dark except from the colored lam in the corner that lit the room into a neon orange. 

y/n carefully analyzed alex’s face, her eyes continuously grazing over his lips. she wanted nothing more than to place her lips onto his. 

y/n and alex are the best of friends. they do everything together. but, for a month now they’ve been a little flirty with each other. cuddling whenever they can, giggling with each other, kissing each others cheeks, hanging with each other the most whenever they’re with their friends, anything like that. 

it all started after a drunk game of suck and blow. y/n was going to get the card from alex whenever he dropped it and instead kissed her. and that night was the beginning of the ‘flirting game’. 

y/n yawned quietly and laid her head onto alex’s chest. listening to his heartbeat for a second before getting interrupted by the ringing of his phone. alex groans loudly and unwraps his arms from around her waist, leaning back and grabbing his phone from his bedside table. 

“hello?” y/n listens to the small conversation between the person on the phone and alex for a few before standing to her feet and stretching, making her way into alex’s kitchen. alex soon follows after her, his hair ruffled in all sorts of ways and his phone tucked in his jeans pocket. 

“who was it?” y/n hopped onto the counter and started swinging her legs like a kid. alex made his way over to her and gripped her legs, spreading them wide enough for him to stand between them. 

“justin. he wanted to know if you wanted for us to meet him at the ‘place’.” the ‘place’ was the guest house of y/n’s dad who happened to become filthy rich after spiting with y/n’s mom. 

after everyone had found out what bryce had done, they stopped meeting at his place and went a few places before settling at the ‘place’. y/n’s dad was rarely home but when he was he was always cool with letting them go there. 

“i’m down. i need to let some steam off.” y/n sighed while alex furrowed his eyebrows. 

“are you saying you wanna smoke with us?” y/n had never smoke in her life. the closest she’s ever been to smoking is when she would inhale the smoke from the guys’ blunts. 

whenever the guys would get high and y/n was around she would just watch instead of joining in. it’s not that she was scared or that the guys wouldn’t let her, it was more of the fact that y/n had no interest in smoking. she didn’t see what was the hype about it. 

when the guys explained it to her, she still didn’t understand it. “basically, the weed helps relax you. kinda like meditation or some shit like that. all you gotta do is take a few hits and then you’re in heaven, just like that.” zach explained one night. 

“yeah. i’ve had a stressful day and according to you guys, the weed helps relax you.” y/n shrugged like it was nothing, because that’s what it was to her. nothing but a way to relax. 

“you sure y/n. sometimes weed will fuck you up.” alex smirked slightly and y/n did the same as they thought about times where that statement was shown. 

“i’m sure alex. now, take me to the weed.” alex chuckled and shook his head in amusement. quickly, he pecked y/n on the lips and smiled once he pulled away. 

“i had to do that first.” y/n blushed slightly and lightly pushed alex back so she could hop off of the counter. 

“i’ll meet you in the car.” 

“you wanna smoke? really y/n?” justin stared at y/n in disbelief, a blunt in his left hand and a lighter in his right. 

“yes. why is that so hard to believe?” she crossed her arms and leaned back in the beanbag, crossing her legs and bouncing the one on top in anticipation. 

“because. y/f/n y/l/n is a innocent girl who rarely does anything bad and for her to want to smoke is like donald trump fully apologizing for something. it basically never happens.” zach commented and y/n rolled her eyes. 

“if you see what has happened between alex and i, you would know that i am not that innocent.” oh yeah, i forgot to mention the fact that y/n lost her V-card to alex and some sexual things has happened between them more than once.

“woah, okay. that’s enough. i don’t want that image in my head.” monty looked up from his phone at y/n and then to alex. he raised his eyebrow at the two before shaking his head with a small smirk on his lips. zach just chuckled at y/n who’s cheeks went a dark red.

“come on justin. i just wanna try something new.” y/n began begging. she pouted and put on her best puppy dog face before saying, “please justy?” 

“oh man, she’s giving you the signature y/n puppy dog eyes. how’re you gonna resist this one?” alex teased from beside monty to which justin responded with his middle finger pointed in his direction. “Jesus. he’s watching you.”

“hush, standall.” justin turned back to y/n who hasn’t changed her face one bit. “fine. but i’ll watch you and make sure you don’t go overboard.” y/n clapped her hands in excitement and stood to her feet, walking to justin and jumping into his lap. she wrapped her arms around his neck and hugged him tightly, squealing ‘thank you’ over and over again. 

“alex, get your girl off of me.” justin strained out. 

“i can’t control her man. you’re on your own this time.” alex smirked and shrugged his shoulders when justin glared at him. “you just gotta let time past and hope she’ll get off.” y/n couldn’t help but giggle slightly. 

justin shrugged and brought his arms around y/n body. being careful not to burn her, he lit the blunt and brought it to his lips. once he passes it to alex, y/n pulls back from hugging him and resorts to staying propped up on his lap. while y/n waited for the blunt to be passed to her, she connected her phone to the house surround system and played ‘Location’ by Khalid which was the starting song to her ‘smoke w/ me’’ playlist.

yes, she made a fucking playlist. 

y/n’s leg was bouncing with anticipation as the blunt finally made it’s way back to y/n. she took it from monty and held it in between her pointer finger and thumb like she had seen the guys do before. 

“d’you know what to do?” justin questioned. y/n nodded and brought it up to her lips, inhaling and then blowing the smoke out smoothly. it wasn’t until she was handing it to justin when she started coughing. jamie (a/n: the black jock) started chuckling which earned him a middle finger from y/n. "you'll get used to it later" justin commented before taking a hit.

justin was completely right. after about 5 more hits, y/n stopped coughing and was used to the smoke polluting her lungs. she loved the feeling it was giving her. so much that she even took a few extra hits than the guys took. 

everyone had pretty much forgotten the fact that is was y/n’s first time smoking. they couldn’t care less as they jammed out to her music. they pretty much weren’t aware of anything until about a hour later when they were all gone and legit everything was funny. 

y/n was laid face down, outside by the pool. she was dangerously close to the edge, to the point where if she moved a finger it would be dipped in the heated water. 

some guys were surrounding her and she was so gone she didn’t even remember their names. justin and zach were in the game room playing a game of pool, alex was laid on the couch on his phone while monty was finding food. 

“monty!” y/n yelled, lifting her head to the side so her voice was better heard. when he didn’t respond, she yelled his name again. and when he didn’t respond that time, she groaned and stood to her feet. y/n made her way into the house and into the kitchen where she yelled ‘monty’ once again. this time, the brown haired boy jumped and turned around, dropping the pack of cheese in hand. 

“shit. don’t scare me like that.” he held a hand over his heart as he sighed and picked up the pack of sharp cheddar cheese on the ground. y/n rolled her eyes and chuckled. 

“stop eating plain cheese and make me a grilled cheese sandwich please.” monty rolled his eyes as the girl sweetly smiled and batted her eyes. he nodded and watched y/n skip away to the pantry. 

he listened to the shuffle of y/n grabbing random things as he cooked the desired food for her. as she came back out with random things in hand, he handed her a plate which held the sandwich. 

“here you g-is that a pack of chips?” his full attention was now focused on the blue bag of doritos sat in between the pile of food that y/n held in her arms. “yewhs.” y/n spoke through a mouthful of granola bars. as monty reached for it with his free hand, she turned her body away from him and pouted.

 “mine.” she narrowed her reddened eyes at the brunette boy. “pwease?” monty tried using puppy dog eyes. when it didn’t work, he sighed and sat the plate down.

 as monty rolled his neck out and cracked his knuckles, y/n watched and munched away her munchies until finally, he crashed her down onto the ground. the two wrestled over the bag for a few seconds before zach heard their grunts and wondered his way into the kitchen.

 “are you two having dry sex?” he groaned out and furrowed his eyebrows.

“what?!” alex’s yell was heard from the other room over the music. y/n giggled and sat up straddling montys waist. she looked down at the smirking boy and brought her finger up to her lip and winked. 

“oh my fuck, monty,” she moaned out jokingly. “right there. don’t stop.” (A/n: i need jesus and some monty smut asap. it’s sunday. i could be praising the lord but what am i doing? writing freaking fanfic.) 

“oh my fucking god.” zach pretended to be disgusted. maybe not pretended. he walked out of the kitchen and mumbled something while shaking his head. 

“oh god, y/n.” monty played along and let out some groans along with y/n. the two were holding back their giggles pretty well.

 “montgomery de la cruz. i swear to fucking god. if you even touch her i wil-oh fuck you!” alex walked into the kitchen and when he saw the two were doing nothing but giggling to themselves. 

“calm down standall. i wouldn’t fuck your girl.” y/n got off of montys lap and threw him the bag of chips. 

“she’s not ‘my girl’.” alex put quotations around ‘my girl’ as he slid onto the granite counter top with ease. 

“you sure act like she is,” y/n helped pull monty up and walked back over to her food, biting into the grilled cheese the said boy had made for her. “just make it official already love birds.” he made his way out of the kitchen leaving y/n and alex sitting there blushing.

 “you didn’t really think we were fucking, right?” she smirked as alex blushed more and looked down, smiling wide. 

“would i sound like a idiot if i said yes?” y/n couldn’t help but to stare at the dimples implanted in his pale skin. she wanted nothing more than to walk over and kiss them, so she did just that. 

“you already sound like one, babe.” she replied before pecking alex’s left dimple and strutting out of that kitchen with the food in hand. 

y/n spent some time dancing around justin and zach who were playing a game of pool. they danced some with her, they had to hit the balls around y/n’s body when she laid on the red table. something she called the ‘y/n round’.

 it was only for those who play frequently and who are advanced. but, out of all the things she did, she didn’t share one drop of her food after giving monty that bag of chips. her munchies were crazy and she and monty basically ate everything in the pantry without hesitation. along with her dancing and hunger, she giggled at every single thing. 

zachs voice was funny to her because it didn’t sound ‘asian like she would’ve expected it to’. alex’s bleached hair was hilarious because it just is, and justin’s stripped shirt was pretty much the highlight of her night. 

no one thought anything of it. it was normal ‘high-time’ behavior. but when y/n was laid on the floor on her back, looking up at the ceiling that was spinning and giggling to herself, they began to get a little confused.

 “what’s so funny?” zach took his eyes off of the TV screen where him and alex were playing a game to look at the girl on the floor. 

“i can’t move my legs.” more giggling came from her pink lips. at first, justin was giggling with her until he realized she wasn’t kidding. 

“wait. you said you CAN’T move your legs? like, not at all?” y/n shook her head.

 “i don’t even think i have legs.” alex sighed and paused the game, sitting the remote down as zach did the same. 

“what’s the big deal? sometimes you just get so stoned you can’t move.” jamie shrugged from his spot on the ground where he was sipping on some pickle juice. 

“the ‘big deal’ is the fact that not only is this y/n’s first time getting high, her body is extremely light and the weed probably didn’t sit great with her. if she can’t walk, how’s she gonna get home? her parents are gonna question us which is gonna lead us to getting in trouble with our parents which could get us arrested for drug possession.” justin ranted shortly before inhaling a deep breath. 

“actually, weed is legal in California.” justin snapped his head to the dark skinned boy who raised his hands up in defense. 

“i swear to god jamie. i will snap your head in two if you make another comment.” he put his head down which everyone was pretty thankful for. justin doesn’t play when it comes to y/n and if jamie made another comment he would be dead. 

“maybe we should call jeff.” monty suggested which ended him up with a chorus of ‘NO’s from the guys.

“we could just make up an excuse. here, you call them alex. they love you.” zach threw his phone to the bleached blond who sighed and clicked the home screen, his thumb print being recognized and allowing him access to the phone. he dialed the number and shushed all his friends. this is how the conversation went:

Alex: hello? Mrs. y/l/n? this is alex standall, your daughters friend. 

Y/n’s Mom: oh, alex! hey! have you seen y/n lately? she left the house today and hasn’t returned any of my calls. 

that was because y/n’s phone was being occupied by justin taking selfies on it all night and she was pretty sure she had some nudes on there.

 Alex: oh, she’s actually here with my now.

 Y/n’s Mom: could i speak to her please?

on instant, alex replied with a ‘yes’ because that’s what he would usually do. 

“dude!” justin whisper yelled to the brunette after putting the phone on mute. 

“sorry!” alex whisper yelled back. “i’ll just make up an excuse.” he held up his pointed finger and sighed, hitting the mute button.

Alex: uh. actually, y/n isn’t feeling too good. she can’t speak right now.

 Y/n’s Mom: oh okay. i could come pick her up if you need. 

Alex: no! no. that’s fine. 

Y/n’s Mom: do you know what’s wrong with her?

Alex: yeah. she’s uh. she’s on her period. 

Y/n’s Mom: i could come bring her medicine or tampons or something. 

Alex: it’s fine. i have some for when she uh–when she comes over and ya kno. she just starts bleeding.

 Y/n’s Mom: okay, thanks alex. is uh–is anyone else there with you guys? i know that zach’s there considering you called from his phone. but is anyone else there

Alex: like who? exactly?

Y/n’s Mom: like that justin kid. i get a bad vibe from him. he’s not hanging around my daughter when she’s moody, right? like, zach’s a good kid and all but that foley child i ju-

Justin: hi Mrs. y/l/n. it’s justin foley. 

Y/n’s Mom: oh. hi. 

Alex: anyway. we’ve got to go cater to y/n’s cramps. bye!

and then he hung up.

 they all started laughing at the fact that y/n’s mom didn’t like justin but she liked zach. 

“hey guys?” y/n mumbled from the floor where she was dosing off into a deep sleep.

 “yes?” justin turned his attention back to the girl with the ‘cramps’. 

“you know i can actually move my legs right?” 

“what. no we didn’t know that.” justin stood up.

 ”can you stand?” he questioned which y/n responded with a head shake.

“just because i can use my legs doesn’t mean i want to.” justin rolled his eyes and beckoned zach over to help him lift you up.  they carried y/n over to the couch where alex was laid and she cuddled into his side. 

the two quietly listened to the sound of the guys laughing and playing games as y/n started to go off into a nap. 

“hey, y/n. are you awake?” alex looked down at the sleeping girl who softly nodded her head. “i’ve been thinking about us making this official. and i was wondering if you wanted to–you know. be my girlfriend.” alex felt her smile against his clothed chest. 

“sure. now can i be your sleeping girlfriend?” alex chuckled and lifted her head up with his pointer finger. “of course. want me to take you upstairs?” y/n nodded and let her eyes flutter close as alex pecked her lips repeatedly which ended up with them softly sharing a kiss. 

“hey, love birds. did you finally make things official?” justin questioned as alex carried y/n upstairs. when they didn’t respond, he took that as a yes. “they did!” he yelled out which was followed by some cheers and chants.  

[ts-seychelles]

EP. 13 - “The Last Check Mark I Need” - NICOLE

IDK WHATS GOING ON. But I don't trust Jared and nicole or Johnny. I think im going I don't wanna wrongly play. But them.not knowing the vote count is sketchy

This entire past tribal went horrible - Vilma went home and she was a huge ally who was very involved in my game, but I found out a few things of her not trusting me so BITCH BYE (jk ilysm) - Regan exploited our alliance that we had between me, her, Augusto, which was SO pointless on top of ALL OF THE REASONS where regan pissed me off today, but honestly, I don't feel the need to go into it again bc just lol at this point she's honestly fucking insane (sorry ily but you're fucking nuts) - Nicole just failed to understand why I voted for her, and I feel so bad about things, especially considering we hungout irl a few days ago, and I told her I wouldn't vote for her.. I also feel bad that Jared has turned into a lowkey sociopath this game and nicole is getting wreckt for it - This BAD PUBLICITY over this reward challenge when people dont want me going to ghost so they can kill me instead - Dan is PISSED at me for all of these chats getting exploited, being left out of the nicole vote and just the consistent lying to him. Jared played so many FUCKING games today that threw him, Dan and I under the bus, and it was just nuts, and he blew up both of our games in a way that wasn't necessary..... and there were just other ways to plan it out What I WILL say is that I'm turning Asya into like.... one of my closest allies bc I think she's fucking awesome, and I think we're in the same boat, and if it's up to me, I don't want her going anywhere.. I'm plenty okay voting out anyone who isnt augusto asya roxy at this point..... everyone else can probably burn? I'll see how long I can keep Jared around. Eventually, enough is enough and I may just have to throw in the towel and vote for Jared, but I'm going to try to not think about that bc my intentions are to still stay pure to Jared so GOSH lord help my soul

https://youtu.be/12RpRL81wjc

Lots to explain, let’s start off with the most obviously trivial. Regan talks about herself...a lot. Like, a lot. Regan is most definitely the most self centered person I’ve ever met. She knows it so like, it’s not mean that I’m stating it. But anyway every day in the tribe chat she goes on for sooooo long about herself and so I made a fun little game where when she sends a rant about her life I say “Merry Christmas Everyone”. It started on Christmas, so it wasn’t that funny BUT every day since it’s gotten progressively funnier and funnier. Ricky and Alex chimed in a few times and then I got Johnny in on it. It’s becoming such a moment every time it happens and the farther away from Christmas we get, the more ridiculous Regans responses get to it. Now, back to business. Last night I almost got voted out. I am BEYOND thankful that when I went to Ghost Island I was able to get the Sapphire Idol and will it to Jared during the second or third round. We have been trying to hold on it for so long in order to use it correctly to save both of us and tonight was the PERFECT oppurtunity. We not only did THAT but we flushed two idols since Regan used hers for no reason and Vilma left with hers. (I feel so bad I wish she would have used it and rocked out Johnny). Today I’ve made substantial progress with Asya and Dan but I really don’t think it’s enough. Which makes me nervous. I feel like going going home these next two rounds is going to be so sad for me. I have the fucking legacy advantage and having to give it away before I even can use it would kill me. Regan better calm herself with her agenda to get me out because if she doesn’t fucking relax I will 100% get her out with the legacy advantage just for fun. Finding a fourth to vote with us is going to be actually terrible. I’m hoping I can be immune so that the tables are forced to turn. I really don’t want to go. Maybe Jared will find something at ghost island to shake things up. I feel like crap about this game because Asya has painted a picture of how I COULD win. But that makes me feel like nobody will let me get that far. I just want to win so badly this is like the last check mark I need in order to feel successful in this community (as cheesy as it sounds).

So I’m really boo boo the damn fool huh. Vilma leaving last night was literally heart wrenching. After hosting her in Cayman Islands, she was probably one of the most deserving of the unfinished business casting. She’s an amazing person, friend, and ally. I really am gonna miss her a lot in this game. As it stands rn, everyone is being shady. Especially Johnny, but honestly, we been knew. Regan leaving the chat is fucking annoying. She’s unwilling to vote anyone but Nicole. I promised Nicole I wouldn’t write her name down this game, And I intend to make that happen. I wish there was a way that me and Nicole could lowkey get the votes split 3-3-1 on us this week to force a rock pull, but there’s literally no way. When I think about it, splitting up Nicole and Jared is smart, however, in my opinion the wrong person is on Ghost Island rn. I’d much rather vote out Jared than Nicole and that’s just that on that. I may honestly just throw a vote or self vote this round bc I literally can’t bring myself to vote out Nicole. If Nicole wins immunity, I am a little worried for my ass soooooo. Idk what’s best rn.

https://youtu.be/OSPsCvp7lmM

https://youtu.be/dLh35zpslXU

OKAY LISTEN..... I'm proud of myself bc I've gotten to that point of ORGs where I feel I'm done doing 800 long ass confessionals every round, but nonetheless, I've gotta do one each round, and I'm trying to make it good, so here's the content from my host chat about why im considering what im considering today: I am hoping that the Regan/Nicole thing continues until right before the vote, and this round is going to be everyone depending on my vote because I'm the swing, and I'm hoping people are going to be patient with what my decision is, because I'm likely not going to make it until right before tribal...... jk im voting for regan, but they dont need to know that ;) i know by voting out regan, im making it harder for myself to get to the end, but I'm REALLY trying to surround myself with threats so I can get to the end. I was the first person this season to make an "out there" game move, by playing my idol and taking out Ricky, and since them, i am trying my damnedest to just hold back my threat level, so people just let me go further and further. I don't have MANY options beyond that at this point Oop apparently regan is voting for me.. that's a mood Now here's me ranting about taking out Dan vs Regan: Regan is more easily controlled, and she has been working closer to me this entire game.. She is a goat and likely won't win at the end, but she's a very likely candidate to get to the end at this point just because she's such a goat Dan, on the other hand, has been a strong ally, but he voted for me once, and has been wishy washy with his allegiances since he voted for me the first time (when I used my idol), and promised us so many things, but Dan has pretty good relationships and is unpredictable, but he's sworn up down left and right that he wants finals with Augusto and I. The BIG reason for keeping Dan is that Roxy and Augusto, who are probably two of my top three closest, and most trusted allies, are going to be more reliant on me next round for numbers, and even more when it gets closer to the finals, they may feel more compelled to take me to the end because there are too many big threats left in the game but if i vote for regan then i might be jeopardizing my specific spot in the game, and I'd have the potential of my allies turning on me

(A LITTLE LATER)

So I guess here's an ACTUAL confessional since I haven't really planned on making anything else, but I feel bad Regan fucked my entire game up because she thought she was being cute after last tribal. Everyone was on a call during that reward challenge (not getting into it... literally fuck the hosts bc that changed the entire game, moving on), and they were all spilling shit because Nicole got mad that four people voted for her, and then Nicole and Dan both started making this game feel really personal, and honestly, it just felt icky to me that they were bringing it to a personal level when it was a game move. I understand what Nicole is going through bc (T B H Jared) Jared is a sociopath in games, and he really just doesn't have a chill switch sometimes, especially when dealing with nicole, so like..... idk, people started feeling bad for nicole bc jared YELLED at nicole after tribal on that call apparently, and ig it had to do with me, and more of an exposing me party YAY, but idk.. so I feel bad for her too I deem literally everyone in this cast currently a close friend, so this is never ever going to be an easy decision from here on out. Every decision is going to be painful. My entire plan for the day was to pretend to be indecisive about how I wanted to vote, when in reality all day, my intentions were to vote for Regan, however, things have changed sadly............... I'm voting for Dan tonight, and I don't see myself changing my mind before tribal for many of many reasons. I mostly just feel that if Dan stays, I could POTENTIALLY not have numbers next round since Dan is consistently playing double agent, and jared nicole and asya could come together and vote out either roxy or augusto, and then i'd be fucked, especially considering those are probably the two people im trying to get to the end with (without screwing over jared and losing his jury vote uwu) Also, the biggest reason I've gotta do this is to just not upset the people who've been the best to me since we've merged. Augusto and Roxy have been nothing but helpful to my game, and Dan was the FIRST of my allies to turn on me, and that still hasn't been sitting well with me since it's happened. I'm moreso doing this for my allies than anyone else, and knowing that Roxy, Augusto, Regan and I are likely not going to break until we get to the end ish? (But also Asya queen is getting to the finals if it's the last thing I do. Regan can LEAVE before Asya does, but that's besides the point hmmmmmm) My other big fear with voting out dan is that im voting out such a meat shield.. going into the f5 with any combination of asya augusto roxy regan puts me in a lot of trouble to get 5th or 4th, and I'm foreseeing a world now where I get 5th or 4th because those are the people I chose to go down the stretch with, but we'll see... I think I can maybe have a few tricks up my sleeves to attempt to get me there? oops?

IDK THE TEA IS THAT im voting johnny with nicole and dan and idk if i can pull this off

Nicole and I decided this plan to get it to be 3-2-2 and I’m so nervous it’s gonna fall through. I’m shaking in hangout rn omfg this is so stressful

[idealisticrealism]

Blindspot recap 2x18

(Aka the one where Roman gets to go on another excursion, Weitz wants to date literally the entire team except for maybe Patterson bc he’s intimidated by her brains, Reade is Touched By An Angel, and Nas falls on her sword for reasons which will probably never become entirely clear to anyone)

Okay, yes, I am the world’s worst procrastinator, and so am only just managing to get this posted now despite the three-week break. Tbh I intended to do it a couple of days ago, but then ended up getting distracted doing some writing of a different kind (stay tuned for that one very shortly!) and as such ended up with very little time for this-- hence why it’s a little shorter and kinda all over the place lol. But anyhow, if you were wanting a refresher on last ep before the new one tonight, you’ve come to the right place haha.

Enjoy. 

Okay I'm confused by this very large number of phenotypically-diverse children in one house. Also this blonde lady looks suspicious. Oh no and now the shouting girl is dead... after jumping from the second floor onto dirt? It would be unusual to die from that kind of injury, especially as a young person with strong bones, though it‘s certainly within the realm of possibility, depending on the type of impact. Also it's times like this that I'm reminded that both this show and I are kinda grim haha

Naaawwwww look at the Mayhem Twins in their little domestic bubble. Jane's so excited about her new 'bring your little bro to work' sitch and Roman is all *grumble grumble emo teen* about it, which lbr is pretty fair, but like Jane says, ‘freedom is something you have to earn’. Just bc you can't remember all the bad things you've done, doesn't mean everyone else can just forget it too, buddy! And considering you were literally the enemy not too long ago, it’s actually pretty impressive how much the team has let you in and treated you kindly. If anything demonstrates that the team (*cough* especially Weller *cough*) truly loves Jane, this is it. So be nice to your sister, bucko, because she's the reason that you actually have a chance at living a normal life for literally the first time ever. Sigh, my poor little battered babies. Why must you suffer so much and be hugged so little. Also well done makeup team on remembering to keep Jane's face bruised haha

Lol I love this scene, bc now without Reade, the team consists of poor beleaguered Weller and four badass (and currently rather displeased) ladies. The varied responses to Weitz’s inquisition are hilarious though-- Patterson is all (ง'̀-'́)ง , Zapata is all eye-rolls and being so done with this shit, Nas is already planning and scheming and looking at it from all angles, and Jane is there solely to support Weller and get his support in return, bc MARRIEEEEDDDD. And ugh Weller is such a good leader and reassures them all and then ugh he and Zapata having that little moment of worry over Reade and ugh my babiessss 

Speaking of Reade, he’s apparently busted both his face and his phone lol. He's also in a very weird hospital room; like this is a huge space for only two beds. I wonder who found him though? Also given his recent expensive habits, can he even afford the price of medical care?? If he was here in Aus, it'd be free, but in the States??? Good luck, bro...

Naww the team is soldiering on, with Patterson telling them about a new tattoo to check out-- a tattoo with numbers somehow linked to the girl that died. As usual, Patterson's explanation of just how that happened went in one ear and right out the other, for both me and the team, it seems. Oops. But ugh poor Jane looks a little bit sick at the thought of the girl's death being linked with her tattoos-- it must be so hard sometimes, to be covered in (what is sometimes the equivalent to) people's death sentences? Seriously Weller needs to hurry up and kiss all of those tattoos and remind her that in carrying them, she helps the team save people. Ugh, that woman just really needs a good long hug. 

Oh and look who it is, the ADA that everybody loves to hate. Gotta say, I still kinda ship him with Zapata a little bit. Like, in a 'hate each other so much they occasionally meet up and have angry sex' kinda way. But then again I kinda ship her with Roman, but then kinda also don't at the same time... Idk, imagining her and Roman kissing would be a little weird. Like he's just such a lil puppy and she's all wildcat. But aaaaanyway, ooooohhhh I love Weller's teeny tiny eye-twitch when Weitz mentions Jane. It's like turning his Protective Hubby mode onto vibrate-- none of the big loud shouty anger, just a subtle 'come near her and I will end you' vibe that radiates through him lol. I dig it. Apparently Weitz has no sense of self-preservation though, so not only threatens them all with suspension, but also steps directly in Weller's way, AND refers to Patterson as a lab rat. Oh boy. I'm so proud of our Weller though, clearly he's been working on his anger management haha. Plus, he totally just won that round and Weitz knows it. 

Dude they totally wouldn't be letting bystanders that close if the body was still right there. But whatevs. Also I like Weller's boots. And now oooh all the kids and the foster mom have disappeared, whatever could have happened....

Ughhh I love that Weller, Nas and Jane are all blatantly watching Patterson being interviewed, and Weller's all casual about it like 'yeah she's tough she's got this', but you just KNOW that if Patterson looked to be in any distress at all, Weller would be storming through those doors in a fury, with Nas following behind ready to provide some kind of excuse, whereas Jane would have slipped quietly away and set off the fire alarm or something before shimmying through the vents and dropping down into the room behind Weitz's guys, basically forming a pincer-maneuver with Weller, ready to kick the crap out of anyone that dares upset their lil Patterson. Of course Zapata would be flying in there right beside Weller (except when he would put himself in front of Patterson, she'd just launch straight at Weitz lol) but she's not present in the equation rn. Oh but here she is now, actually, with a lead-- she's found streetcam footage of the teenage boy from the foster-house. If they can find him, maybe they can solve the whole mystery and save the other kids.

Ughhhhh speaking of Patterson and Weitz, he's grilling her about Borden, and ugh my baby is being so tough and not taking any of his shit and for once I feel kinda grateful for that slimy weasel Fisher bc at least he gave her good practice for dealing with scumbags like this? Ugh I know my baby had somewhat of a breakdown in last ep (I wonder if she's cleaned her apartment up at all after that) but she really seems kinda... battle-hardened... now. Which makes me sad, but at the same time, we know that Jane has been through a whole ton of awful crap and she's still a little cinnamon roll despite it, so I have high hopes for Patterson to do the same. Especially with Jane there to help mentor her through it.

Oooh the Power Trio (by which I mean Jeller and their sidekick, Nas) are in Weller's office, and lbr this is very much a scene about a married couple having a debate, with Nas hanging in the background trying to be unobtrusive haha. I love that Jane was just reminding Roman this morning that these things take time-- but the first chance she gets she goes to hubby and is like 'let's put him on the team' haha. And lbr here, Weller puts up a half-assed argument purely for appearances’ sake. We know he's going to allow it, bc he's whipped a caring and supportive hubby and he wants the woman he loves to be happy. And also he wants Roman to be redeemed, bc if there's hope for Roman then there's hope for them all. He makes an excellent point that today is literally THE WORST day to be thinking about doing this-- literally a single thing goes wrong out there, even something that's not at all Roman's fault, and Weitz is going to be all over their asses. The dude's just waiting for an excuse, and letting a 'known terrorist' (sorry puppy, you know I don't mean that) out on a case is bound to be exactly the kind of thing he's after. But who cares, those are all far too sensible and logical things to be worrying about. Nas, surprisingly, has done a 180 from her shared opinion with Dr Sun that Roman is a monster, and encourages Weller to let him out in the field. Is she deliberately doing that to try to get them to play right into Weitz's hands, or is she just doing it bc she knows Weller's going to give in anyway and so she adds her support, letting Weller pretend he's been 'out-voted' (despite him being the highest-ranking person in the room) rather than actually just being the big marshmallow that he is? And ugghh he finally says yes and Jane is trying really hard to look mature about it and not beam at him and he's trying really hard not to seem pleased about making her happy and ugh these two giant dorks are gonna be the death of meeeee

Dude you're really not gonna use your work insurance? I suppose maybe you can't, since you quit like yesterday, you big dumb idiot. And then ugh the other guy asks him about his PTSD, and it's very convenient that the sole other occupant in the room is someone that can give Reade some real insight into his situation and help him get on the right path. If this was a daytime movie, we'd find out at the end that this guy was actually an angel the whole time, placed there to help him find his way. But it's Blindspot, so more likely he's a Sandstorm plant or something lol, since they seem to be literally everywhere haha. Also Reade denies being a veteran, and is he just trying to cut off the conversation, or is that answer honestly a no? I feel like my understanding of his character was that he WAS in the army before the FBI. But hey, maybe I just made that up.

Naawww Roman is like 'wait I'm coming out on a case that's not directly related to me?? Really??' and Jane is all 'yep now let's go out there and show them how great you are' and he snarks back about getting tossed back in a cage if he doesn't, and I love that there's a hint of reproach in her tone when she tells him that it's important, and a big opportunity-- like okay bro I know you’ve had a tough time but everyone is trying super hard to be inclusive and give you a fair shot so maybe ease up on the attitude mmmkay?? I love that Jane is Roman's biggest advocate when talking to others, but when he starts to get a bit whiny she (gently but firmly) puts him back in his place. Man, she’s such a big sister. Also dude they're gonna have to be even more careful with what they say about Sandstorm etc now, considering that Roman's detail is in the lab with them? Though I suppose all Patterson's lil lab techs are usually hovering around all the time, so maybe these are all high-clearance people. Rn Patterson's concerned about Weitz twisting everything they say, worried that telling the truth may not be enough to protect them. But Weller is all 'truth or nothing, we die with honor*' (*paraphrasing lol) and ugh I'm so proud of him for being such a good, incorruptible man. And so now they have another lead-- the teen's music teacher lives near where he was seen on the cam, so maybe he's gone there for help. Weller wants to check it out, but Patterson's already got plans at the morgue (that's where I'd go too tbh, autopsies are fascinating) and Zapata's got a date with Weitz, so that doesn't leave many other options. Jane's quick to suggest Roman, ratcheting the tension level up to about 300 before Weller is all like 'screw it, alright come on but just don't mess up okay bc wifey will be really upset if something bad happens' and Roman is all 'yes sir I would never intentionally make my sister unhappy sir' while Jane practically skips out of the room behind them haha

Weitz is asking Zapata about Reade-- ooh is someone worried about competition, Weitz?? Don't worry, she and Reade are just friends. And you are dirt on the sole of her shoe. But hey, maybe that's one of your kinks or something. Anyway oooh it comes up that Nas gave the order to enter the Sandstorm compound and that Weller wasn't there. The writing in the scene is clever and focuses on the Weller side of things, but it's also a setup to Nas getting blamed... wonder if they'll pounce on her later?

So it's snowy again, which means weather-wise, we should be approaching somewhere close to a full year since Jane was found in Times Square. Though since my theory is that she was found in January, I'm going to assume we're maybe around November now. Anyway I love that Weller allows Jane and Roman to head around back while he takes the front-- so much trust in Jane ugh (and some in Roman too, obviously). And he said Roman's detail would have to come out with them, but I don't see them anywhere... maybe scoping the perimeter? Round back they find Eli playing on a little pitch-pipe (it kinda looks like little plug-adaptors for TV aerials-- did he make it himself?) and ugh Weller reassures him and is doing his whole fatherly thing and ughhhh I love it (almost as much as Jane does hehe)

Meanwhile Patterson just found out that their girl's body has been basically snatched from the morgue, which is unfortunate. Clearly there was something about her body that could give the bad guys away??

I think Nas is trying to psychoanalyze Roman. But he's doing a better job of it himself tbh, and indirectly admits that he's scared of himself. Ugh, my puppy. Let me hug you. In the interview room, the Jeller dream team are talking to the kid, with Weller looming over him a little as the stern dad-figure and Jane sitting at his level, being the sensitive, understanding mom figure and ughhhhh I am having premonitions of them talking to their own teen after they go out drinking or stay out past curfew or something and ughhh I better not fall down this rabbit hole rn bc it'll be hours before I pull myself out of it, so let's focus on the present instead okay. Patterson has no leads on the body-snatchers, the music teacher has been out of town and has no idea about anything, and so all their hopes rest on getting Eli to open up. Roman suggests giving him back the pitch-pipe, recognising it as a sentimental item, much like the coin he and Jane shared. And ugh Weller approves and Jane is so proud and ooh Zapata just came into the lab and looked at Roman with a guarded expression and ugh stop making me ship it okay?? Anyways Jane's up next to talk to Weitz, and man does she look eager about the prospect lol

Aaaaaahhhh Weitz's first question is whether she's been in a romantic relationship with Weller (dude do you have a crush on Jane as well as Zapata?? Fair enough, I understand) and ugh I love that she doesn't go straight for a 'no', she instead questions its relevance to the investigation. And yaaaaasss I love that it's only after Weitz pretty much implies that she slept her way onto the team that she denies the romantic relationship. Because after all, it's kinda true; they definitely have (or as she thinks in his case, HAD) romantic feelings for each other, and they have had romantic interactions, but they have never been in a literal boyfriend-girlfriend relationship, therefore her answer is not a lie. (Though I hope one day it will be hehe). And then he attacks her about zipping Roman, acting like she has something to hide, trying to get her to slip up and somehow incriminate Weller, claiming that her loyalties are with Roman and (basically) that Weller's loyalties are with her, meaning he believes Weller would choose her over the FBI if it came down to it, and ugh I know this guy is trying to cause problems and everything but I kinda love him for laying it out to Jane like that, putting the thought in her mind that maybe Weller WOULD choose her, maybe Weller cares enough about her that if it somehow came to it, he would turn his back on the agency that has been his life for a dozen years in order to stand with her. And lbr, he would. Heeeeelllllppppp.

Aaaand Reade is still ignoring calls and being an all-round butthead. Also I've suddenly decided Reade needs a dog. Oooh and angel-Trevor not only has PTSD, but he's dying bc of his drug and alcohol abuse, having already lost his family because of it. Yep, this guy was definitely put here to teach Reade a valuable life lesson. Good luck Trevor, hope you succeed. Also sorry to hear about the dying thing.

Naww Weller is being the understanding dad now, since mom-Jane isn't there to do it, and Zapata has taken on the role of that cool aunt that you can tell anything to. Also this kid must be kinda in awe of the hotness of the women in this place lol. He is like 16, after all. And then ugh he finally tells them that their foster mom was giving them pills-- and then BAM, he breaks open the pitch-pipe and there's one of the pills. Score one for Roman! Also I very much enjoy watching Roman watch the interviews. Handsome, emotionally troubled men with hearts of gold are definitely part of my aesthetic. Zapata takes the pill to Patterson to be tested, whereas Weller is accosted by Weitz, who looks positively delighted to get to have some alone time. Well, if a bunch of observers and a camera counts as alone time, anyway.... (#kinky)

And ughhhh yet again his first question is Jeller-related. We definitely have a shipper here. And ugh Weller describes his relationship with Jane as professional, which is technically true. Their relationship is multifaceted, and a big one of those facets is their work partnership. Especially lately, while the personal stuff between them is only just beginning to delicately blossom again. Then when Weitz pushes-- clearly desperate to know if there's hope for his OTP or not-- Weller hedges, saying that they go out for drinks as a team sometimes. Again, true; that is another facet. I love how he is very much skirting around the head-over-heels-in-love facet. Well played, Weller. It's Weitz’s fault for not asking you directly if you're in love with her. For once he's probably somewhat relieved for the conversation to move onto Shepherd-- well, until Weitz starts claiming that she's Weller's benefactor (slash future mother in law) and that he may actually be working for her somehow. Remember those anger management lessons, son, you've been doing so well. Just get through this and you can go find Jane so she can be outraged on your behalf. 

But nope, instead he walks into the lab, and when Jane asks how it went, he grumpily changes the topic. Sigh. I guess it would be a little hard for him to seek support from her when all the team-- including Roman and Roman's detail- are standing right there. Plus he probably still feels a little awkward about nearly getting caught out on the whole being in love with her thing. Kinda makes sense that he's a little touchy. Anyway Patterson has discovered that the foster kids are being used as guinea pigs in illegal drug tests. And cue a scene with labcoated people talking about euthanising the kids, which the foster mom initially argues against, but then accepts. Wow, messed up, much? Thankfully the drug has to be out of the kids' systems before they kill them, so that buys them another hour for our team to come to their rescue.

Lol Trevor and I seem to share feelings about home-renovation shows. I'd sure as hell rather watch hockey too, buddy. Reade catches him right before he falls over trying to change the channel, seeing that his legs are too weak to even support him anymore, and angel-Trevor then tells him to get control of his life 'the right way' by talking about his pain, getting it all out. And Reade starts to open up to him and ughhh I really hope he is an angel and not some kind of plant bc if the wrong person finds out about this, Reade could be in some serious shit...

Nas' contacts are closing in on Sandstorm's bank account after tracking that transaction Roman made, but Weller's more fixated on the fact that his unwanted 'link' to Shepherd is a threat to the team (now you know how Jane feels, bud!). Thankfully though Patterson has found a lead-- the capsule that holds the pill's contents is (very fortuitously) only used by four companies, and they showed photos of employees to Eli until they found the doctor he'd met-- a man with a very Polish-looking name, which Patterson can't pronounce, and Weller thinks he can, but can't. Literally I'm an Aussie who has never been to Poland, and while I'm definitely not sure exactly how it's meant to sound, I know enough to know it's not whatever he just said. But anyhow, let's add another uncle to Weller's list haha-- he seems to have been collecting a few lately. I wonder which side of the family they were on? Not that it matters, since he's estranged from both, I guess... but anyhow there's only one way to find the doctor, and that's to use Eli as bait. I appreciate that they get his consent first, bc lbr they probably didn't have to. 

And like a sucker, the doc fell for it, and they traced the call to a warehouse. Roman's detail is assigned to cover the back entrance (good, keeps them out of the way) and Weller puts Jane together with Roman while he and Zapata take another entrance. I love the Roman/Jane teaming up thing because again, it shows Weller's trust in Jane... but I want my Jeller combo back. How long til we can have Zapata and Roman teaming up? Bc I am veeeeery interested to see how that goes. I do appreciate that Zapata raises no concern about Roman being out with them though. It's nice to see him being accepted more ughh. Sounds like the foster mom has had a change of heart, and doesn't want the kids to die. Too little, too late, lady. And then she literally tries to grab a gun to shoot at Weller (rude) but he fires a warning shot, bc he believes in JUSTICE not vigilantism and ugh I just love my sweet honorable boy. And speaking of sweet honorable boys, as the team approaches the kids, Roman runs straight to them and starts cutting them free ugh, while Weller chases a bad guy and Jane finds the power source for the machines (not sure why, like she could literally just pull the IV's out of the kids' arms)-- but it's lucky she does, bc it puts her in the perfect spot to grapple with another suddenly-appearing bad guy. Roman nearly gets shot in the head about five times in the process, and he and the kiddies make a run for it while the rest of the team is locked in their own individual battles. Zapata personally kicks the shit out of the doctor guy, which I appreciate. They all dispatch their opponents and regroup at the same time, realising Roman is nowhere to be found. Jane looks super worried but also convinced that he'll pop up at any second, while Weller's just like 'shit I can't deal with this rn' and then ta-da Roman appears with all the kids safe and sound and Jane is practically bursting with pride and rainbows and Weller just gives this little nod like 'good work... u lil shit' and we didn't get to see Zapata's reaction but I stg she would have been frowning bc she found the whole situation worryingly hot lol 

Ugh now they're all at the hospital and Roman and Jane walk up to Weller together but she lets Roman take the lead bc lbr seeing the two men she loves most in the world interact is probably like her favourite thing ever, plus it's good for Weller to be reminded that Roman really does care ugh. And then Jane tells Roman how great he did and Weller agreeeeeeeeessss (bc now it's just them there so he doesn't have to keep up the cranky-boss appearances anymore and can just be the approving bro-in-law and ughhhhh save me). Oh and it seems Zapata is here to do just that, bc she's discovered Eli is missing from his room-- turns out he's gone to confront foster-mom. Also according to the decor, this is literally the same hospital that Reade is in. Imagine if the team ran into him in one of the corridors?? Awkwaaaaard. But anyhow the team finds Eli, and Weller approaches and starts talking him down while the rest watch from the doorway, and ughhhh "don't let what she's done ruin the rest of your life"/ "the things that you've had to go through, they can make you stronger, but you have to make the right choices" and ughhhhh his words literally could relate to any member of the team, but are clearly hitting Roman especially hard rn. Yaaaas give me all the Roman/Weller bonding. And omg the kid drops the knife and then walks straight into Weller's arms and I'm screaming bc ALL THAT SPECULATION ABOUT WHICH OF THE WOMEN THE HUG WOULD BE WITH, AND IT'S A FREAKING TEENAGE BOY. Oh, man, that promo sure got us good. I'm so amused by this haha 

Oooh Weller has called his ladies (sans Nas, which imo is the way it should be) into his office-- he's giving Tasha the lead on the Sandstorm op, which makes them all go "??What???" so he explains that in order to prevent Weitz taking the whole team down, he's going to fall on his sword, take the hit to spare the rest of them. And lol yet again it's a mixed-bag of reactions-- Patterson is all (ง'̀-'́)ง  again, whereas Zapata-- as a bureaucracy-understanding agent like Weller-- clenches her jaw, telling him they'll fight it together but knowing why he's doing what he's doing; but ugh Jane's eyes are locked on Weller's face, voice rough with emotion as she insists there IS no team without him. Because to her, there isn't. There's nothing without Weller-- she can't even comprehend existing in a world where he is not at its center. And when he insists that this is the plan he's going with, she looks to the others, hoping they'll help her talk him out of it-- but they're silent. There's nothing they can do. He's still their boss, and this is his final order. Weitz has his victim at last.

But not, apparently, the one we were expecting. While Weller was saying his farewells, Nas Kamal-- the sneakiest of the sneaky-- is already in with Weitz, claiming full responsibility for literally everything (did you know she shot JFK, too??). So, okay... what is actually going on here? Was this literally the point of her character all along, to provide someone else to be offered up as a sacrificial lamb, when all the shit that has happened this season finally catches up with them? I just... idk. I don't get it. I feel like Nas' character makes no sense, like she's some kind of shape-shifter, initially one thing, and then another, and then another, based on the whims of the writers. After nearly a full season I have no idea what her motivations actually are, and I have no idea whether any of the things she said or did were genuine or by design. But, well, better her on the chopping block than Weller, I guess? Well... so long, Nas, and thanks for all the fish-y business!

Ugh my precious Weller catches up with them just as they're leaving, though clearly dreading what he's about to do but ready to do it anyway to protect his team. And then Weitz is all "Boy, bye"... though not before offering to take him out on a date. Does this man literally have a crush on EVERY member of the team, or??? 

Reade is getting out of hospital, and he leaves his number for Trevor (silly boy, angels don't need phones to speak to you), and the last bit of advice he receives is not to face his demons alone. So c’mon, Reade, who you gonna call?

Okay I am super uncomfortable with drinks being poured on top of the touchscreen table thing. I can't believe Patterson is allowing this. And aww the team thanks Nas for her sacrifice, but lbr they're all secretly glad it's her and not Weller. And then she says a mildly emotional goodbye (she's not really one for touchy feely stuff, lbr), passing the torch to them to continue on her quest against Sandstorm-- and giving them the bank account details, which will no doubt be their next lead. Aaaand yep I am still no closer to understanding anything about why she does what she does or what she wants or anything, really. Which either means that the writers are waaaaay more clever than I am, or they have no more of an idea about it than I do lol. Personally, I'm kinda leaning toward the second...                                                       

Aaaaaahhhh Reade called Zapata. GOOD BOY.  THIS IS THE FIRST GOOD THING YOU'VE DONE IN WEEKS. And ugh he thanks her for coming over and she thanks him for calling back and they HUGGGGGG and I still do not ship them in the slightest but man have I missed their awesome friendship!!!! And then aaahhh he picks up the tape (apparently he's found a VCR at a thrift store or somewhere lol) and tells her that what he was doing wasn't working and that he needs to know so he can move on and then ughhhhh they sit on the couch together and she holds his haaaaaaaand and ugh I so desperately hope that it's just a game tape and ugh I'm terrified to find out and oh man I can’t even imagine watching that with someone knowing that they may be about to see you violated in that way, knowing that this is something they will always be aware of in the back of their mind when they look at you, and mannnn I just can't get over the incredible depth of the relationships in this show like yes this particular situation is horrible but these connections are so what I came here for ughhhhhhh

Ew, Shepherd. I was enjoying a few episodes without you. And okay blah blah blah you've bought something very expensive and very toxic looking in Bangkok. Whatevs. Hope it backfires on you somehow.

And okay that's the ep done, just in time haha. About the promo: my prediction is that the Jeller kiss we saw will actually be interrupted before it happens, but that Jeller will find a way to ensure that some uninterrupted smoochin' happens by the end of the episode. And lbr they are so DUE for a kiss. Like it's a legit pattern; both of them kiss somebody else. Then they kss each other. Then they both kiss someone else again. Then kiss each other. Then, most recently, they've both kissed other people again, people whom they no longer have any relationship with. Which means: this Jeller kiss is a definite guarantee. It's pure science. Just wait til tonight's ep; you'll see. And after that, the pattern’s gonna end, bc these two won’t be kissing anybody but each other ever again ugh

[ieechans]

MINGYU AND COLLEGE AU PLS ILY

this isn’t short oops i went overboard

how did this boy even make it into college

no rly. how

he did all his apps n stuff the day they were due and was still accepted into his top 3 can u even believe

currently dorming with minghao, who legit put a line of down the middle room and said “pass this line and i’ll shave one of your eyebrows off.”

mingyu thought he was joking. had to change his hairstyle to cover his missing eyebrow until it grew back (dw minghao took the tape down after bc he felt bad)

avid fan of partying…… gets invited to a lot of parties n while minghao is like “do u really have the time to party considering your grades?” mingyu is like “i always have time to party. n also ur coming with me just in case i get drunk as hell”

minghao just rolls with it bc he finds wasted!mingyu pretty funny. but minghao is a good person that keeps mingyu from doing stupid stuff whatta guy

anyways he’s at a party. and he’s wasted. minghao is trying his best to keep a watchful eye on him but he runs into his friend jun and gets sidetracked in a conversation. by the time he’s done talking he looks back and mingyu is g o n e

while minghao is panicking, mingyu is just sitting on the floor in the restroom upstairs bc he accidentally locked himself in and this boy is too sh*tfaced to figure out how to unlock it

and here’s the thing, ur at this party bc your friend dragged you along even tho you aren’t a party person

you didn’t want to ruin the fun so you just awkwardly stood in the corner of the room waiting for them to be ready 2 go home. unfortunately your friend is quite the Party Person.

after someone tries to yike with you, you were like “hell no.” and decided to lock yourself in the restroom until your friend was done doing whatever they were doing.

you make it upstairs and you twist the doorknob, n it twists but you can’t open it?? the host of the party walks by n they’re like “oh yeah it gets jammed sometimes you just gotta kick it a lil”

so you do that. n you hear a really loud *thud*

the door was jammed, but there was also someone leaning on it. you open the door all the way to see this guy just on the floor, perfectly still

you’re freaking out like “sh*t sh*t SH*T is he dead???? what do i do hfjdks”

but you see his eyes flutter open n he lifts his head off the ground a little to look at you and you’re like “oh thank god”

he slowly gets off the ground and walks towards you and you’re like “are you okay?? i didn’t mean to intrude, i just wanted to use the –”

and then you jUMP bc this random (but incredibly handsome) stranger puts his two hands on your shoulder and brings his pretty face close to yours

and its like you can smell how drunk he is and he’s like “omg…. u saved me i thought i was gonna d i e in here”

and you’re just standing there, frozen + flustered, n you’re like “it’s no problem,,, can i use the restroom now,,,”

but this boy is drunk n his face is slowly getting closer to yours n you’re panicking and suddenly someone pushes you aside and SMACKS the drunk boy in the face

“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU’RE DOING MINGYU. YOU TOLD ME YOU WOULDNT GET DRUNK BC YOU HAVE WORK TOMORROW.”

and then he proceeds to turn around and give you this angelic smile like “sorry for my stupid friend! we’ll be going now!” and he drags mingyu away by the collar while muttering stuff in another language under his breath. (as he walks by u do hear him subtly say “i didn’t come all the way here from china to babysit a 19 yr old” lmfao)

and you’re standing there like. well. that was something.

the next morning mingyu’s at work (the campus coffee shop) with a pounding headache n minghao’s “i told you so” ringing in his ears

the party to him is kind of just a blur, and the only thing he remembers is that he was about to kiss?? someone cute???

anyways you had to stay up all night waiting for your friend to get tired out, so you decided to buy a cup of coffee on your way to class

the second you enter the cafe, the cashier greets you n when you look up to see them you almost drop all your books

it’s the same guy from last night. lowkey you’re like “… impossible” but his nametag reads “Mingyu” and you’re like “goddamnit it is him”

but he doesn’t seem to recognize you?? and it’s kind of a given considering how wasted he was lmfao

while mingyu takes your order, he’s doing occasional glances from the cup and your face and he’s like “huh…. they’re really… cute”

after he makes your drink he calls out your name and you approach the counter to take the drink from him and he’s like “sorry, but have we met before?? you seem really familiar”

part of you wants to say no but you straight up just say “…….. you got locked in the bathroom at the party yesterday and i let you out. you almost kissed me before your friend hit you in the face.”

and suddenly the blurry filter that covered the mystery face was gone and mingyu is like “oh……………………�� sh*t”

next thing you know he’s spitting out apology after apology and he even offers to pay for your drinks for the next month and you’re like “chill you were drunk it’s fine” but he’s not “chill” in the slightest

watching him get all flustered and embarrassed is .. kind of cute.. bc he has this light tinge of pink on his face and you’re like.. ok he is handsome i have to admit that

you clearly have the upper hand in this situation + you’re already feelin kind of bold :^) so you ask for his sharpie and tell him to hold out his arm

mingyu thinks you’re going to write something like “i’m a drunk idiot” across his arm or something but his face goes from ….. to ???? when your write your number

you hand him his sharpie back and you’re like “take me on a date instead. i’ll let you kiss me then if it goes well.”

and then you leave and mingyu almost has an aneurysm the end