#omg. ratchet the old man of all time

[sashi-ya]

東京 NIGHTS mini event

𝑻𝑯𝑬 𝑳𝑰𝑽𝑰𝑵𝑮 𝑰𝑴𝑨𝑮𝑬ㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤㅤ 𓂃 ࣪˖ toji fushiguro x f! reader

⤹˚ synopsis. a miserable Toji founds the living image of his death wife in you, a sex worker at Kabukicho.

requested by: Anonymous ➡ omg i've been waiting for you to write for jjk!!! please Sashi, can you write an nsfw toji x f! reader with the prompt The red lights of Kabukichō. tw: MNDI. dark! content. reader is a sex worker from the kabukicho red district. toji has no respect for you. oral, rough, spanking, slapping, unprotected sex, cream pie implied, you look like Megumi's mom. first time I write for Toji pls be soft on me. wc: 2k masterlist

A lucky round, for the very first time at Pachinko. Fushiguro Toji feels pleased; he lies on the backrest of his seat, right in front of an old machine and next to many other people desperately trying to win something. The more desperate they get, the more they lose.

Poker, Mahjong, horse races. money, lose the money. lose your life, lose the time until it is over.

“It looks like you have a lot of luck tonight, mister” a woman whose face he simply ignores, paws his wide frame.

“Get off, bitch” he mutters, scaring her away with his sharp -but really tired- eyes.

The lady walks away, spitting expletives that Toji couldn’t hear -nor cared to do so-. However, consequences were about to hit him.

Two guys, or maybe gorillas, appeared right behind his seat. “Sir, I must ask you to leave” one of them says, trying to snatch him from behind, passing one of the arms around his neck.

Unfortunately for them, as well as for Toji, the strength and speed of his Zen’in body  allows him to not only avoid the attack but also smash the head of the aforementioned gorilla against the Pachinko machine.

“Fuck you” he grunts, knowing too damn well the aggression didn’t come because of him disrespecting a lady but rather because his “luck” wasn’t welcomed into their business.

Honestly, given the right moment, Toji would have killed them both in no time… but tonight was different; some years -he doesn’t even remember how many- have passed and today marked the anniversary of his wife passing.

Toji stole a bun from the guy that was sitting by his side and walked away from the Pachinko parlor before the astonished looks of the people there. Nobody dared to follow him, they knew death would find them if they dared to mess a single second more with that man.

His steel blue eyes shine red as the lights of Kabukichō receive him in their sensual embrace. The attractive concupiscence of beautiful women dancing on windows catches his attention, but no woman is enough to make him feel any type of pleasure.

He is well aware of the many scams there, but he is sure nobody could scam him more than he could scam them.

Many women and men come closer, wearing revealing suggesting outfits; they touch him, they call him inside their “shops”. Yet, Toji still walks unaware, as if possessed. Some even offer him their services for free, his handsomeness is undeniable; his strong physique, delicious and tempting.

“Sir, sir!” you call him, tapping insistently on his wide shoulder. “SIR!” you repeat, as he seems not to hear anything around.

Toji turns around, all of a sudden, grabbing your hand to stop poking him. “What the fuck do you want, I don’t wanna fuck you… you…” he angrily barks, stopping immediately after watching your face.

“I’m sorry I wasn’t trying to… your… your wallet just fell from your pants” you tell him, scared and feeling the tight grip intensify around your wrist.

His eyes burn holes into yours, his expression turns troubled, darker. He is not blinking, and perhaps even not breathing.

“Do you work here?” he asks. “It’s my first night… I was promoting that- bar” you point out to the entrance of a quite ratchet facility of red and pink lights and semi naked woman pictures on their walls.  “I… your wallet” you murmur, showing him the black ragged leathery pouch that feels light and empty.

He lets your arm go and takes the wallet with absolutely no interest. His eyes, however, never let go of your face… you must be an interest to him?

“You… what’s your surname?” he asks, as if he was waiting to hear something revealing.

You frown; why would a complete stranger ask for your surname? Men in here only want one thing, and to them what’s your name is totally irrelevant for that purpose.

“It’s (Surname)” you tell him, either way. You had nothing to lose, after all.

He seems relieved but also a little disappointed. Truth is, that you look incredibly similar to his late wife… “Come here, I want you” he simply states, pulling from your hand to the inside of your work place.

You follow him with no time to say no… you wouldn’t say no anyway.

There is not much your boss can do either; he is in fact pleased to know that right after he hired you, you have already given him a client.

You open the door to the “rooms”. Precarious looking places that no man cares about as they only care the true purpose of his visit.

Once inside one of them, you close the door, and the red lights bathe both of your bodies as if it was a blood bath.

“Sir, which service would yo-“ you ask, but you are immediately silenced by his hand on your mouth. He pushes you to a round bed, making your back hit violently the mattress. You blink twice before he could pounce into you.

Toji is big enough to smash you with his body, and you honestly would love to die underneath his prominent chest tonight.

“I don’t care about the services you give, spread those legs” he orders, slapping the inner side of your knees.

You let your legs open wide, falling to each side. The short skirt you were wearing invites him to taste you; the buffed man with a scar on his lip sees everything you have to offer.

He smirks, so dark. And then, takes his black shirt off. His body is by far better than what you thought that tight shirt had already revealed to you. Each muscle perfectly showing like it’s been sculpted on his skin. The wide shoulders and prominent collarbones and pecs… he is the total embodiment of carnal desire.

Toji’s brute hands rip your almost transparent thong now; the elastic band snapping on your hipbone makes you squirm owning yourself to get his hand around your neck. “Stay still, bitch. You will have enough time to squirm around once I fuck you”

Your insides tremble, your core tenses. Such a disrespect makes you hornier instead of mad.

“Y-yes…” you stutter, finishing your words with a loud moan as his fingers penetrate you. Your back arches, and the more it does, the more he squeezes your neck.  

With lack of air and probably blue lips, your eyes turn white from pleasure. Your legs tend to close but you can’t as Toji prevents them to shutting.

“Hold on there, don’t close them. I need to prep you, you are too tight to me” he spits, reaching deeper with curled beckoning fingers hitting your top wall. You clench to the sheets, coffing and trying to grasp for some air… this man will kill you, and you will be smiling at him.

He takes his fingers out of you, giving you some seconds to rest. You watch your own arousal dripping down his hand and forearm. Toji sticks his tongue out in a disgusting, yet absolutely sexy way, and licks your salty products right from there.

“Not as good as my wife, but still good” he murmurs, leaving you startled… he has a wife?

Well, not exactly.

He turns you around from your right ankle, this man’s strength surpasses any limits. Your face hit the mattress, leaving you a little bit dizzy from the fall. Immediately after you could react, you feel two big hands lifting your ass from under your lower belly.

Knees carved on the bed, and also head as one of his heavy hands pass from your waist to your nape.

You sense two fingers spreading your folds, and the wet tongue of him licking from your clit to your ass. He has absolutely no decorum to do it, he does it so disgustingly lustful. Toji’s nose buries in your perineum as he sometimes focuses on your throbbing clit, sucking hard until your inner thighs begin to spasm and tremble.

Some spanks are added, that leave your cheeks burning. He goes even down, hitting the back of your thighs, a place that hurts but makes it even better. You are sure by now you must have created a pool of your fluids underneath you, and if not… well, you are most likely about to.

“Ehj… so wet…” he pants once he stops eating you out.

With difficulty you see him through the mirrored walls cleaning his mouth with the back of his forearm. Slanted eyes peek through black strands of hair, they meet yours and It’s both scary and hot.

Toji smirks, so devilishly and turns you once again around from your leg. You are like a mere doll to him.

He buries his fingers in your cheeks, making your lips pout and your eyes widen. You are still panting, so your breathing sounds loudly in between your fingers and a drop of saliva pools right in the middle of your lower lip.

That man has the look of a murderer, of a devil. With just one hand he gets rid of his grey pants along with his underwear. Your eyes confirm why he mentioned the need of you getting “prepped” as he exhibits his hard sex.

Purplish tip, veiny. It is not gigantic, but still constitutes a challenge for anyone to be able to take it. He is not going slow, nor carefully… and you know that for sure.

“I’m going raw, hope you are ready to become a single mother” he lets you know, as if you didn’t know already. You limit yourself to nod. You are honestly more worried for the integrity of your insides than that.

Toji kneels on the bed, sitting on top of his heels. He grabs you by your hips, pulling you over his lap to get your sex closer to his. A sex that with the simple touch of his warm precum covered tip makes your already overstimulated you to shiver.

His fist, also veiny, clench around his shaft. Toji pumps up and down two or three times and then plays with your wetting mess and his, giving you little slaps with his tip.

Strings of transparent lubrication mix; your neediness is that big you squeeze one of your breasts… it seems eternal, the wait, the desire…

The penetration. “Ngh…”

You arch your back while Toji penetrates you deeper and mercilessly, there is no escape as he has you trapped by the sides of your hips. Your toes curl, feeling the stretching of your cunt, and swearing his tip has probably reached a place nobody has ever reached inside you.

He begins fucking you, without moving a single muscle but his muscular arms. He is using you as a fleshlight, and his eyes are fixed in your beautiful pleasure façade.

“Keep moaning that way, you are almost identical” he grunts, moving you in and out faster and harder.

You aren’t very sure to who you are almost identical, but your brain has become nothing but a mere dumb slave of that lustful sexual torture.

He lifts from his heels, along with you. Your face and barely any of your nape remain on the mattress. To him moving your body, he adds his own hip thrusts. The sound of your skin slapping is almost as loud as your whining.

His forearm is the only thing holding you up by the small of your back, while his free hand now rips your little shirt open. Your breasts bounce in pure freedom, calling him to bite them so brutally. And so, he bends over to reach for your hard nipples.

Toji’s eyes never leave your façade, he seems possessed as he enjoys and also suffers.

“Fuck you bitch, how come you are that similar to her… you do the same fucking face” he spits, slapping your face and then burying his index and middle finger inside your mouth.

You choke but suck desperately. Your moans get muffled by his salty fingers; your sex has already undergone the stage of climax more than twice.

He can go for hours, pumping deep in you, biting your breasts, slapping you… and he does, until your conscious begins to fade, and he wishes to fill you up.

“Hold my cum inside, maybe I can give the fucking clan another kid” “Sir…? Which clan?”

I only touched her; I only fucked her because she looked just like you… I miss you, I miss you, I miss you so much...

[judging-films-of-all-kinds]

Transformers 2007

It’s been many years since I seen this movie. Last time I watched it was like eight years old. So I am going to watch this.

Not even a minute in and the intro is great. We get to hear Optimus voice while looking over something and learn it’s the ‘cube’. 

The title card is yummy

“But we were too late.” OHHHH

“I am never going to your mama’s house. I promise!” Haha they are besties

“I can’t wait to hold my baby girl for the first time.” He has a kid?! We been sleeping on this fact?!

“You sure she didn’t fart?” I laughed and now I’m more nervous

HEEHEHE That transformation is soooo good. And shockwaves from the blast are good too!

MINICON 

SAM!!!

“People. Reasonability.” Lol sounds like something my middle school art teacher would say

LORE 

Lol Seaman. Look, I was in highschool five years ago. We would 100% giggle at these jokes. Its even funner that Sam just movies on. Either he didn’t catch on or he did and rolling with it

“Cars pick their riders!” 

Nice going Bee. 

“I’m so underdress.” Yes you are

“So far we know, no survivors.” Well that hurts my heart lol

Oh man that sound made my skin crawl!

That goldfish tank hurts my damn soul 

“It’s family grass.” Omg that family warms my soul lol. You will argue about the dumbest things

“That’s his bling!” Yeah Sam! Let him have his bling. His a handsome little man

“Wow. You are so cheap.” “It’s his first car. It’s meant to be like that.” Yes but no lol

OUR BOY IS ALIVE! And so is the little kid!

Bumblebee is the best wingman ever

Lol poor dude. Sorry man but sometimes you gotta take one for the team

Sam being a goober

“Do we have any classes together?” Girl don’t hurt his feelings like that

Oh Sam you are so awkward. I love you lol

Okay the soundtrack is so good for this scene. It makes sense that the little guy is shaking as he downloads all of that

LOL how did he not get spotted? 

“This is my last words.” Okay yeah I would do that too

“Mojo, I love you.” I would also do that 

How are you guys not hearing that sound? DON’T LEAD THE DANGER TO THE PEOPLE?!

“LEFT CHEEK!! LEFT CHEEK!! LEFT CHEEK!!!” Fair response

Maggie is the best and I love her. I don’t think we seen her in the other movies

“Get off my grandma’s carpet! She doesn’t like anyone on it! Especially the police!” 

“Satan’s Comoro!” Said while holding a tiny little dog

THAT’S NOT A COP

Sam still able to run after being thrown into a car is impressive

The DETAILS that is put in the cybertrons is impressive. This CGI is from 2007 and it’s still so good!

“50 years from now when you look back on your life don’t you want to say that you had the guts to get in the car?”

“I’m not going to sit in the seat! He's driving!” Yeah that is fair

That was a smooth line lol Well done Sam

Wow, you boys just had to crash land in the middle of a city?

“Are you the tooth fairy?” Kids say the darndest of things

Optimus Prime! Oh the soundtrack is siiick. It’s almost holy… 

Ironhide!! “Feeling lucky, Punk?” I’m using that from now on

Wow, Ratchet! Just tell the whole world why don’t you. Poor Sam. This is not your week, is it?

“It was an accident that would intertwined our fates.” Sadly true

“How do you know about the glasses?” “Ebay.” Lol that made me laugh harder than I should have

Glen Whiteman is a real one for giving Maggie tips about what to do with FBI. Is silly but a sweet guy

I take it back lol 

Lol Sam’s parents are my parents I swear lol 

“My bad.” Coming from Optimus Prime is delightful to me lol

Irionhide saying “Bad Mojo” is just as good

HAHA SAM XD Casually opens the door. “Wats sup?” 

OMG THE MOM IS THE BEST

The Bots trying to hide, especially how Optimus does it is gold

“Your mom is so nice.” I want to see more of these ladies hanging out together

His here!

Lol that mom is awesome! I would kick butt for my hard work too

OMG THE DOG IS ON THE- HAHAH XD His only six pounds! Pretty sure you can put him in a box and do just fine lol

I love Sam. His not going to rat out the bots. Loyal to the end. 

Sir you shouldn’t test this young lady. We DO petty and she’s in highschool, she can and will ruin you.

DON’T BRING HER DADDY INTO THIS YA PRICK

Optimus Prime to the rescue! 

“Taking the children was a bad movie.” Optimus the 1# Dad!!

HAHA BUMBLEBEE IS THE BEST

Optimus is so gentle with them. Even his words are gentle

Oh no! Bumblebee! We can’t understand him but I love they added his cries of distress

Sam trying to help Bee will always put tears in my eyes. You know in that very moment their bond grew

MORE LORE

The Air Force soundtrack is sooo good

“Who’s this?” “His my adviser.” “…He comes too.” Haha he knows that wasn’t 100% true but rolls with it

“They are primitive and violent race” Said while Bumblebee is shocked over and over again

“Where we so different? They are a young species. They have much to learn. But I have seen good in them.” And it pans on Sam. Totally doesn’t have meaning 

MEGATRON!! And you can hear the faint sound of chanting. Creepy

Sassy Sam is my cup of tea

The Allspark is huge

STARSCREAM MY MAN

That’s a baby! Be nice to the murder baby! Bee and Sam’s bond is still strong!

Oh that’s how its small! Okay cool!

MEGATRON IS AWAKE AND HIS TAKING NAMES

Megs and Screamers voice is so good

Here comes the cons~ Time to kick butt!

That mom and son need therapy after this

Awww Bumblebee. AW SAM!! HIS CRYING

And the fight keeps going

All these people need therapy

GO RATCHET! KICK SOME CON BUTT

Aw Jazz. Kept fighting till the end

“Listen! You are a soldier now!” And that is the sad part about this whole movie. The second Sam met Bee, he became a soldier for a war that is older than his own species. They all are. 

Irionhide telling Sam he and Ratchet will protect him is sweet. He didn’t have to say it to Sam. He could have said “We will protect him.” Or something like that. But he didn’t. 

“I SMELL YOU, BOY!!” Yep not scary at all

“I drive, you shoot!” Hehe yes. I am using that as well

Awwww Bee peaking through his mask

Hang on Sam! Dad Prime is coming! “Oh so unwise.” So creepy and gentle lol

Optimus telling Sam to kill him is… damn. Sam is a kid being told he has to kill his friend to save the world

That’s one way to die, huh Megs? Optimus gentle holding Jazz’s body is not something I was expecting. Holding his dead friend…

HIS HOLDING HIS BABY AT LAST

PFFFFF THE MOM!! SO MEAN

Anyway this movie was pretty good. Got me laughing and feeling this. A good balance for a movie that came out when I was little 

Rating 10/10

[soupbabe]

Hiii, before I say anything else I love the new theme. I saw you were looking for requests so obviously I had to send one in. How about a reader (he/him) that brings them gifts all the time (a cool rock, a flower he picked while on a walk, candy he thought they would like, ect) with Louis Ives, Bo Sinclair, and anyone else you feel compelled to write

Male! Reader Bringing Various Characters Crow Gifts

Featuring: Louis Ives, Bo Sinclair, and Edward Nashton

Thank you!! I couldn't help myself and added Riddler, I missed writing for him! 😅

Tagging: @slaasherslut , @the-pinstriped-hood , @bugginbeetlew

Bo Sinclair

- I think Bo just didn't get it for the longest time

- He'll give his thanks and put them in his pocket, but that never stopped him from watching you from afar and going "what the hell is that boy doing"

- See's it as junk at first, but he starts coming around to it eventually

- Sure it's a rock but you beam everytime you give it to him

- Who's he to kill his man's happiness?

- Still thinks it's kind of weird, but he just accepts it

- Keeps all of his little treasures in a drawer

- He likes it when you bring him old, rusted tools and hardware. His whole demeanor brightens

- You give it to him and ask what it is, and now you're stuck sitting on the gas station counter to him explain to you the difference between a ratchet and a wrench

Edward Nashton

- Oh he's head over heels for the little gifts you give him!

- Takes everything in him not to squeal over it in all honesty

- Oh yeah. It's all going to the shrine made for you

- Oh no creepy incel guy is doing creepy incel things who would've thought/lh

- Expect Edward to return the same energy, but it's less "oh I found this thing that just reminds me of you" and more "oh I've tracked down every single one of your interests and sought out this specific item that I'm playing off as a coincidence"

- He's so red and the face and shy, it's easy to play off his uncomfortable demeanor as him being nervous

- One time you found a newspaper with an empty crossword and gave it to him and you swear you've never seen Edward smile that hard

- You two ended up solving it together, with Eddie feining ignorance so you could help him with the clues

- He'd play dumb for as long as he can, all of it meant spending extra time with you <33

Louis Ives

- She's a little confused, but she gets the memo quicker

- She flushes every time you bring her something, she's never met someone, let alone a man, who's so dedicated to giving her gifts

- SHE HAS A LIL BOOK FOR ALL OF THE FLOWERS YOU GIVE HER !!

- Louis presses them herself, writes the date of when you gave them to her, and what kind of flowers they are!!

- If you can't tell she's very sentimental

- Omg she'd gladly give you little gifts back !!

- They'd be books about different types of rocks, your favorite animal, or all the other interests you have!!

- If you give her candy that she likes she's going to be so bashful

- Fr how did she meet a man so thoughtful?? She's immediately going to deflect any attention on her by asking if you'd want some too, it's only right if she does

[techtainia-makes-things]

firt aid omg 😭 i love that man sm, may i request first aid w/ gender neutral human reader who just likes to be around him in general? he just has a certain vibe to him that makes him more comfortable for reader to be around him than with other bots 👀

Thank you so much for this ask, it was a delight to sit down and write. That being said, it became a bit of mutual light-hearted complaining about work between close friends, which honesty is just how my mind works at this point. I hope that you enjoy it.

And thanks for reminding me that I never posted my other First Aid fic on Tumblr. ❤

--

“Hey Aid! When’s your shift ending?”

Every day you strolled through the medibay doors, and every day, no matter who was closest to said door, you would find First Aid.

“Hey Aid! I grabbed you some energon.”

And every day, First Aid would greet you with a brief wave. You would sit down on his desk, and do whatever quiet task suited your fancy.

“Hey Aid, I have a lot of paperwork to do. Can I hang out here?”

Underneath the mask, he smiled at the question. At this point, you already had your own little corner on his desk, decked out with everything from your very own human-sized desk, to an absurd amount of bean bag chairs for one person to occupy. Somehow, you always found a way, but come on, it was your space and you were going to do what you wanted, with First Aid in sight.

“Again? At least Ultra Magnus has decent handwriting.”

You couldn’t help but laugh. “What did you expect? Ratchet is an old doctor, he’s going to have the signature doctor handwriting.”

First Aid placed a data pad on his desk. “I mean, it’s an honor to work with him, but this paperwork is nearly unreadable.” He tapped the end of his stylus against its side.

Your drink rippled, and you smiled, taking a sip. “At least it isn’t a novel of the driest reading known to humankind.” You waved your mini-datapad with the roll of your wrist. “And I’ve read some pretty dry books.”

“Oh, definitely.” He fiddled with his mask, eventually slipping it off and placing it on the corner opposite to your space.

The next few hours flew by, in all honesty, loudly. It was almost like clock work: A bot would stumble in with some sort of absurd ailment (With all the stories that Aid had told you after hours at Swerve’s, your personal favorite was when Drift got his arm dented while doing backflips with Rodimus, as is the way of the Lost Light), one of the medics would sigh and take care of them. The moment they left, comments were made, and shanix changed hands. Repeat. In the end, you spent more time watching the chaos with First Aid than doing any of that oh so important paperwork (and shuffling through his issues of Wreckers Declassified, but that you two would take to your graves).

You and Aid settled back down in your respective spots after Whirl had walked in with a sword stuck in his shoulder. Without looking up from his datapad (you think), he hummed. “I’m surprised you don’t settle down in your office.”

You finish your drink with a prolonged sip. “And lose my mind trying to finish all this? Absolutely not.”

“But now you have to deal with the paperwork, and medibay shenanigans on a very accident prone ship.”

“Correction.” You point your stylus at him. “I get to hang out with you, with far more welcome interruptions than the stiff conversations I have with Megatron biweekly.” You sigh with a soft smile, staring down into your empty cup. “Something about you is just different, which is a sappy way to say that you are never getting rid of me.”

First Aid chuckled. “You say that like I’d ever wish to be rid of you.”

Those were the final words spoken before you both went back to work, and First Aid’s shift came to an end. You both got a drink from Swerve’s.

(A little extra for my first ask)

You and Aid walked out of Swerve’s laughing, with you perched on his shoulder.

“I can’t believe that Rodimus tried to go up against Trailcutter.”

First Aid nodded. “Really? It’s absolutely the kind of thing Rodimus would do. At least we don’t have to pump anyone's fuel tanks…again.”

Your eyes widened in playful shock. “Wouldn’t that be the third time this week? It’s only Tuesday.”

“Again, Lost Light shenanigans.”

“Yeah,” You started as he approached the door to your habsuite. “Lost Light shenanigans. Take care.” You waved goodbye to him as you punched in your lock code.

“You too.” First Aid waved back with a smile as he headed back the direction you had come (His habsuite was really not that far from Swerve’s, or at least closer than yours was)

[tfw-no-tennis]

mtmte liveblog issue 30

30 issues wow...forget the fact that I skipped like 5 issues of crossover event nonsense

another big ole swerve recap omg

this trial is so messsyyyyyyyyy lmao 

hvbajdfbahsjkfdbhjs starscream listening to meagtrons speech looking like ‘hmmmmmmm I may have miscalculated’ 

prowl looks pissed af meanwhile optimus just looks dead inside lmao

I mean. megatron kinda does have a point. this is like, the most biased, conflict of interests lookin trial of all time, in that all the major participants have some sort of long, complicated history with each other. what a mess

optimus, listening to megatron’s speech: wow this is worse than divorce court was

oh shit I totally forgot that those decepticons attacked the trial 

MAGNUS HAMMER AYYYYYY

a guy saying ‘objection!’ as optimus prime punches half his face off...that pretty much sums up idw op lmao 

op: oh thank god, I can punch shit now. I'm not cut out for this bureaucracy nonsense

megatron: thanks, random decepticon, for the attempted rescue, but I'm super old and I just want to nap so no thanks

random decepticon: wtf- [gets murdered by optimus prime]

I love op’s big ass antennae 

meanwhile, brainstorm goes to a bar and instead of buying anything, pulls out his own drink. I feel like that isn't allowed in most bars, or is at least frowned up vbsjdhfbhjdkfn. ily brainstorm 

also? big ass mood I was so broke last time I was on a barhopping vacation w/friends that I brought a cheap giantass bottle of mixed drink in my backpack and just drank that at all the bars lmao

WHIRLLLL I love his humansona sm. and also I love that whirl is into artsy french movies or w/e omg

brainstorm, drinking thru a wrist funnel: sorry I cant take my mask off rn it isn’t plot relevant yet

‘earthlets’ lmao

I love that rung is like, too pretentious to care that much about movies and would rather read earth books lol

and then bluestreak is like ‘yeah they have books...comic books’ can this man not read

I still cannot fuckign believe that the argument that got megatron out of a for-sure death sentence or w/e was ‘its not a war crime if we’re on the moon’ liiiiike what the actual hell lmao

also I love that, once again, we see magnus’s strict adherence to the law, technicalities and all

magnus: you cant really stop a trial and move it somewhere else where the laws are better suited to the outcome you desire

prowl: what are you, a cop? fuck off

also op being like ‘ok whatever all that doesn't matter...what DOES matter is that it would look bad for us to move the trial to cybertron in an obvious attempt to circumvent the rules, and public perception is what’s most important, fuck all that ‘morality’ bullshit’

meanwhile, rodimus is dead! and ambulon is also dead, which makes first aid sad, which makes ME sad

ayyy, rodimus is still alive! well, one rodimus is alive, at least 

rodimus and megatron really have the vibes of ‘stepfather and stepson forced to work together on a family road trip gone wrong after dad decided to sit this one out’ lmao

ah yes, ‘malaise’ the medical diagnostic term for ‘I don't feel so hot and idk why’ that practitioners like to throw under the ‘diagnostic notes’ section of lab orders to explain why they're ordering every blood test under the sun for a patient 

I love medical terminology. ANYWAYS

BE NICE TO MY BOY MEGATRON. 

rodimus: listen I have to come to terms with the fact that there's another version of me right here, and he’s DEAD, which means we can’t fuck, which is super lame 

I firmly believe that rodimus would be team ‘hell yeah id have sex with my AU self’ tbh 

I find it interesting that megatron is often casting blame for his actions onto others - here, he says that rodimus made him realize he doesn’t want to stop doing stuff w/his life, and then says that starscream forced his hand w/the whole ‘luna 2 law’ thing, and previously he’s said how whirl beating him up in jail is what led to him abandoning pacifism - take responsibility for your actions and decisions dude!

though he goes on to say here that he resorted to violence because he realized that the system that was in place could withstand everything else he would have tried to use to change it, which is super interesting 

megatron: okay, yes, I MIGHT have murdered billions, but I could help find us a new planet, which would be baller, sooooo...how about you co-opt your lame son’s frat boy ship and put me in charge? 

op: sounds fair to me. now how about we do some more Big Speeches before I make you somebody else’s problem

vbhdjskfbhaskdjf the ‘team rodimus’ lineup setup reminds me so much of the ‘together we make the ______’ meme with the different members being like, ‘the power’ ‘the gay’ ‘the awesome’ ‘the guy with no ears’ hbvhjdkfbs

chromedome: if I do this I could die

rodimus: that sounds like a you problem bro

‘this one time’ YEA RIGHT c'mon cd honor your dead husband’s wishes

omfg I forgot abt brainstorms ‘early early warning system’ lmao

I love nautica soooo much oh man

ooooof drift :( :( oh no

dead future rodimus!! uh oh is right

rodimus, known himbo: I'm sure I can defeat the inevitability of future events! all I have to do is cut my own arm off!

tailgateeeee he’s so cute...I love that he can tell stories of his daring escapades, just like at the beginning of mtmte, but this time its actually TRUE

OH SHITTTT GETAWAY

he looks so fucking sinister there lmao how are we NOT supposed to realize he has bad intentions from the get-go

‘you’ll make a prime one day’ well, getaway, you’re right about that at least...

cyclonus in the bg like 🤨🤔 at getaway

seriously I cant get over how getaway has such a slimy kinda vibe to him, like specifically in his interactions w/tailgate - this is before things even really take off but I'm still like TG GET AWAY (lol) FROM THIS GUY

cyclonus: somebody flirting with my crush? better go stare out a window instead of communicating absolutely anything to said crush about my feelings!

honestly I feel like, while megatron renouncing the decepticons and becoming an autobot is certainly interesting, it would be equally interesting for him to remain a decepticon but try to change the philosophy of the movement 

like, I get why op had him give that speech - to prevent the cons from trying to free megs again/thinking that he was being coerced into things (ironic considered he WAS coerced into giving that speech) - but it’s kinda the easy way our for megatron - being able to completely abandon the decepticon cause and not deal with it at all, and start over anew as an autobot

it would've been a lot harder to remain a con and try to reform what he has broken in the decepticon movement - but I think that would've been really interesting

though from a writing logistics standpoint, I get why jro didn't go for that bc we don't get a lot of other decepticons in the cast for that to work, and also megatron still definitely DOES have to face down all his mistakes w/the decepticons w/the djd and overlord and whatnot

anyways. I cant believe that all megatron had to do to join the lost light was make ONE speech denouncing the decepticons. like, they should've at least had him do a tiktok dance too or something, just to make it a really tough deal

I love the rodpod vbhjfsdkfbjaskjndfj

ok but I still don't really get the logic of making megs CAPTAIN like ouch. poor rodimus 

I feel like making megs a bartender at swerves or st would've been WAY more useful in showing him humility or w/e. OR it would've made him evil again, which, fair, 

ratchet: don't worry, we’ll medically poison him, it’ll be fine

ok but rodimus is right, this is SO messy, op wants to prove his ex husband isn't 100% evil so he’s like ‘ill let my rebellious son deal with him’ lmao god. I love this setup so much, its so wild

ratchet is also right, rodimus’s fuckup definitely pales in comparison to megatrons All That 

OH BRUTALLLLLLLL when ratchet says the list is fake ‘because my name’s not on it’ FUCKING OUCHHHHH

‘only bad guys say ‘unhand me” rodimus ily

omfg ‘we’ve practiced this’ of course they've done evacuation drills...magnus ily

lmao it’s the panel where it looks like rodimus and megatron are doing karaoke or having some sort of rap battle

and the lost light is GONE! oh shit!!!!

and there closes issue 30! once again we’ve gotten a lot of setup and exposition - which, while definitely necessary, means I don't have too much to say

I will say, throwing megatron onto the lost light has definitely mixed things up, and it’s interesting to see new dynamics already forming

so, until next time!

[aurasessence]

Whatever you do, don’t imagine:

Don’t imagine the bots figuring out what Instagram is and finding a way to get it on Cybertron.

Don’t imagine them figuring it out and creating an account just to follow their human friends.

Don’t imagine them all getting together for what they call an “Activation Party”

Don’t imagine the first post they see being one of the ring Jack put on Miko’s finger.

Don’t imagine it being an emerald surrounded by diamonds and rubies on a black band.

Don’t imagine the caption being, “This is the happiest day of my life! I love my fiancé!” Followed by a bunch of white space and then “Hope my boys can make it to walk me down the aisle ⚔️💣”

Don’t imagine Bulkhead and Wheeljack fighting back tears because their little Meatball is getting married.

Dont imagine Arcee furiously trying to hide her tears.

Don’t imagine Ratchet making the grave mistake of scrolling down to Raf’s post, which is footage of the proposal.

Don’t imagine Jack’s voice being just a little deeper than it used to be.

Don’t imagine his voice cracking a little bit as he asks the old question.

Don’t imagine Ratchet smiling very softly as she says yes.

Don’t imagine Raf’s caption saying, “will I be best man? Or maid of honor? Either way, I’m not wearing a dress.”

Don’t imagine Ratchet scrolling back up to Miko’s post and commenting: “They’ll be there.”

Don’t imagine them getting a DM of just “omg”

Don’t imagine them figuring out how to get Skype to work with comms.

Don’t imagine them all sitting down together and Jack telling them the story of how he did it.

“I was having breakfast with Mom and I just kinda knew it was time. The hardest thing about it was the ring. It took forever to get someone who would do it.”

“Show it to us again.”

“I wanted it to have something to do with the other two men in her life, so it’s in Bulkhead and Wheeljack’s colors. And, I got the Wrecker insignia engraved on the inside.”

“That’s what you wanted the Wrecker insignia for.”

“Oh, don’t worry Arcee, we’re not leaving you out either. Jack’s band is gonna have a blue and a pink sapphire.”

“You don’t have to do that.”

“Yes I do. It’s only right. Oh, and I have a question for you.”

“Yeah?”

“Would you be my maid of honor?”

Don’t imagine Arcee accepting despite having no idea what it means.

“It has honor in the title, I can’t just turn it down.”

Don’t imagine Bulkhead and Wheeljack getting into a brawl over who gets to walk Miko down the aisle.

“I want you both to do it, quit smacking each other”

Don’t imagine Raf’s relief that he doesn’t have to wear a dress.

Don’t imagine, on the day of the wedding, the bots arriving in a big convoy of excitement.

Don’t imagine Miko’s dress being a gorgeous, self-designed masterpiece of white with pink accents.

Don’t imagine Arcee fulfilling the “maid of honor duties” of final touches.

Don’t imagine, in another room, Jack and Raf getting interrupted by a very stoic ratchet.

Don’t imagine Ratchet bringing a miniature version of the Cybertronian Medal of Honor for serving alongside the Prime for both of them.

“Optimus would’ve been honored to be here.”

“We would have been more honored to have him.”

Don’t imagine Ratchet holding up the ceremony for just a minute more so he can present Miko’s to her.

Don’t imagine him tearing up a bit as he pins it to her dress.

Don’t imagine, as the Boys meet Miko at the bottom of the stairs, they both tear up because their Meatball is so pretty omg

Don’t imagine that she walks down the aisle and, when she gets to the front, puts her bouquet in the seat next to Ratchet that’s marked with just a red rose.

Don’t imagine that the ceremony goes on beautifully and everyone cries.

Don’t imagine the reception being a huge, loud, rambunctious party

This is Miko’s wedding after all.

Don’t imagine the father daughter dance being something hilarious and spontaneous.

Don’t imagine June letting Arcee have the second half of her dance with Jack.

“It’s weird, you know, you being taller than me. Really weird.”

“Yeah. It’s freaky.”

Don’t imagine Ratchet off in a bathroom because Optimus should have been there.

Don’t imagine Ultra Magnus pulling him out because

“You said you’d do the speech, now come on.”

Raf’s best man speech is HILARIOUS

“So, they always tell you to “get married and settle down.” Well, Jack and Miko have checked the first box off. I’m not so sure they’ll ever check the second one though. This is Miko we’re talking about”

Arcee tells a fun story.

When I first met Miko, she said to Jack, “Dude, what are you waiting for?” I cannot express how many times I had to tell him the same thing.”

When Ratchet delivers Optimus’ speech, it goes something like this:

“Many of you may have noticed the empty chair with the rose during the ceremony, and the one beside me. The empty seat is in memory of someone who could not make it here today. He was, and I pray still is, an inspiration for both Miko and Jack.”

He has to pause a bit.

“Before his death, he asked me to deliver a speech in his place at each of their weddings.”

He’s trying so hard not to cry okay

“Jack, I am honored to have this opportunity to share in your festivities. Through the years I have known you, you have grown from a follower into the leader you are destined to be. I see much of myself in you. It is my prayer that you remain a guiding force, but that you learn to have fun every now and again.”

“Miko, it is an honor to speak at such a beautiful event in your life. During our time together, I have watched you grow into a friend, a confidante, and a fierce warrior. It is my prayer that you never lose your energy, your loyalty, or your taste for adventure as you cross this new threshold. Above all, I wish you both a loving and wonderful life together, and many more happy events such as this.”

Miko is in tears, and everyone applauds. As Miko’s CO, Ultra Magnus stands up and proposes “A toast to our couple and the happy lives they shall lead.”

The rest of the night is spent dancing, singing, and generally enjoying each other’s company. Once everyone except the team is gone, they all flop down in chairs and chat for a minute.

Somehow, somebody starts singing a Cybertronian folk song. The next hour devolves into everyone slapping tables and singing and, in Wheeljack and bulkhead’s case, getting absolutely hammered on the high-grade they can finally bust out.

At the end of their little Cybertronian celebration, Jack and Miko are loaded into a very fancy car and sent off to enjoy their honeymoon with a send off fit for Cybertronian royalty.

Overall the whole thing is very wholesome and cute.

[uwuprime]

TFA Liveblog - 1x07 Thrill of The Hunt

Ratchet wtf

Aww oh no it's like black market organs

"How fucked up you gotta be to buy this" oh big same

Ratchet is kind of an anxious boy this go around???

OHFUCK my power went out

Okay its back

Wait NOW THEIR POWER WENT OUTT

I know they'll probably never address Ratchet's PTSD/seen-some-shit issues but I'm glad its a consistent thing and doesnt seems to be played for laughs.

Ahh, the old "axe-billboard" maneuver. I see you are a man of culture as well.

Wait what

waIT WHAT?????

HOLY SHIT IS RATCHET HAVING A FUCKING FLASHBACK

WHAT THE FUCK

Ooooo is that Elita One?

WHERE IS HER LEG

You're in shock asdfhjkl I'm losing my shit

Oh that's Arcee!!!

He's soft!!!! My husband was soft once!!!!!!!!!!

No painkillers for spies apparently. Oof.

He literally s t o p p e d in the middle of the road. It's that bad. Holy shit.

So wait what happened to his gun that he has a scar there now?

Omg is this gonna be like a subllot?? Are there just gonna be little tidbits of Ratchet's life during the war told through his PTSD????? Who is muscle car guy????

"You know you can talk to me. Bot to bot." Honey I love you so much thank you for trying

Stop! listen to the news!!

ANOTHER FLASHBACK HOLY SHIT

He can use his telekinesis in vehicle mode??

Oh big oof.

Oh no. No nope nu-uh dont do that.

That's the guy!!!!! That's him!!!

What the FuCK get your HANDS off my BOY

WOAH HEY NO

WHAT

Does he freeze up like that every time? Or just with visual flashbacks?

"I just learned insurance means I can axe billboards!!!" GoD you're too pure for this world OP

he k n o w s

Oh shit another flashback??????

Hes been captured. By a literal bounty hunter. WHO IS HARVESTING HIS DAMN PARTS. What the fuck

Ope back to the present

"I AM the vehicle." Real smooth fucko

Lockdown. Hm. I don't like him.

SO HE STILL HAS THE GUN. SHIT

Oh my god Ratch is so upset. This must be so hard to deal with.

Him trying to explain while also not triggering himself is giving me feelings.

Oh Oppy you arent ready for this

YEAH GRAPPLE HIS ASS

NOOOOOO

Stop DRUGGING MY SON YOU HEATHEN

UM

GUESS HE "HAS TO TAKE THEM BOTH." WHAT THE F U C

PUT THE CHAINSAW DOWN. NO-

Ratchet honey dont beat yourself up

"LETS BEAT HIS A S S IN." YEAH YOU GO HONEYBEE

Oh look its Blitzwing

Oh big same

The guitar riffs here are like a mix of Pacific Rim and Iron Man. Where can I buy. I have money. I want t h a t.

Bulkhead w h y y y

HELL YEAH PROWL

Oh no. Bulk no.

"You wanna play rough" please please do NOT say it like that

He's been Flubbered!! :000

UM PLEASE LEAVE MY SON ALONE NOW

Oh thank god, hi Prowl!

Prowl and Lockdown???? Have a HISTORY??????

Them fuckin saws tho

THERES MY BOY

THERES MY HUSBAND

"I'm not good with names and faces but I remeber stealing your organs"

"I GOT ALL I WANTED FROM YOU LONG AGO."

I HATE HIMMMMM

YES HELL YESS

"Playing possum" I'm SCREAMING

The EMP doesnt work on the medibots!! Genius!!!!

Mans is sneaking in through the back door hell YES

more flashbacks!?!?!?!

WHAT THE F U C K

So they're BOTH IMMUNE NOW. FUUUUUUCK

Ratchet being a BAMF is juust 👌👌

HES FUCKING LOCKDOWN UP HIM AND IT TRIGGERED HIM. TORTURING LOCKDOWN TRIGGERED HIMMM

SO HE WIPED ARCEE TF OUT???

WHAT THE FUCK SHES A BLANK SLATE.. HE HAD TI FUCKING KILL HER MAN. WHAT THE FUCK.

DAMN THAT SHITS POWERFUL HOOO SHIT

"YOU TURNED IT INTO A WEAPON!!!"

YOU GO MY MANS

Prime really got fucked up. Damnnnn

These two dealing with their trauma together is both heartwarming and heartbreaking. Fuck Locksdown.

Oh dear god. What are Megs and Isaac up to. I got distracted

[shikai-the-storyteller]

CYBERVERSE WATCH: S3 Episode 13, 14, 15, 16

Episode 13

MACCADAM IS MY GRANDPA NOW

Jetfire!!! And Skybite!!! Skybite’s got a great laugh

Oh wow the cloaking still protects them? Nice!

CAN SOMEONE PLEASE FIX PERCY’S EYES, WHERE THE FRICK IS RATCHET

A MULTIVERSE DRIVE???

PLEASE...PLEASE LET US SEE OTHER UNIVERSES??? OTHER UNIVERSES PLEASE????

SPARE SOME MULTIVERSE STUFF FOR A POOR SOUL???

I mean as it stands, the fact that Cyberverse is talking about this stuff is more than satisfying, man I frickin love this show

“We can launch those squiggly things into a whole ‘nother universe!” his delivery of that line was so good and also Wheeljack pls, then it’ll be another version of you’s problem

MEGATRON REALLY *IS* POUTING, MEGATRON YOU BIG BABY

Maccadam fondly but watching them talk about their battle plans makes me feel so bad for him...

AW MAN IS MEGATRON GONNA CHUCK OPTIMUS INTO A DIFFERENT UNIVERSE

About time you showed up you big pouting pansy

Man these two totally were ex boyfriends

LMAO ARCEE AND SHADOW-STRIKER’S EVIL LAUGHS, THAT”S SO DELIGHTFUL

That Titan should just smack them out of the sky tbh

SKULLCRUNCHER THE CROC...NICE

I love that Soundwave and Roddy are manning the controls

“Commanders command. And you forget, we have backup” CUTE...CUTE....CUTE!!!

I’M SO PROUD OF MY BOYS!!!!!!

BEE!!!It’s been so long since I’ve seen you! I love my little yellow boy!!! Please take care of your dad Bee

OH NO IT”S CREEPY TENTACLE DOCTOR

GOTH GIRL AND PREP GIRL!!! 

MAN I JUST KNOW SOMETHING’S GOING TO GO HORRIFICALLY WRONG HERE

FRICK NOT THIS DUDE AGAIN

AW MAN NOT A WHOLE BUNCH AT ONCE

YEAAAHHHHH WHEELJACK AND MEGATRON WORKING TOGETHER!!! NICE

Two Decepticons and one Autobot...not a good sign

Oh shoot it’s the DECEPTICONS who wanna universe-jump, MEGATRON COME ON DUDE YOU DIDN’T EVEN TAKE YOUR ARMY WITH YOU DUMMY

OH NO!!!!!!

“It’s time for the commanders to join the battle” MAN YOU’RE SO COOL RODDY (YOU TOO SOUNDWAVE)

OH SHOOT THERE GOES THE TOWER

WELL FRICK

DON”T “WE DID IT” HOT ROD YOUR DAD IS IN THAT WRECKAGE

“Quintessons: Inferior. Cybertronians: Superior” MAN I”LL NEVER GET TIRED OF THAT

HE”S SO COOL!!!!! FIST BUMP BUDDIES!!! Man I’m so over the moon that these two wound up getting along

You know I’m suddenly having a revelation: I wonder if they could somehow re-activate all those other Soundwaves to help them against the (inevitable) final battle I’m sure they’re gonna have

WHAT THE FRICK

ARE YOU FRICKIN KIDDING ME

Starscream: CANCELED, CANCELED, YOU”RE ALL CANCELED

Well, Megatron certainly got the heck out of dodge at the right time lmao

Episode 14

I legit thought they were going to do an ATLA ref for half a second

Oh my gosh is this an Autobot recruitment video???

“The universe. You ever thought about it?” GOSH THIS VIDEO....

I’m frickin cackling, the Quintessons were like “Hmm, what’s the worst thing we could possibly inflict on this planet?” then went “Oh, of course, Starscream”

WHY DIDN”T YOU JUST LET GO STARSCREAM

Wow Starscream really did just sell out his entire planet huh

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!!! JEEZ HE GOT EVERYONE

Jeez and Starscream has to share with two other faces, that sucks

Lmao Starscream is just like “Nah judging people is what I was born for”

UNSPACE??? UH OK

WAIT isn’t that what Wheeljack made a few episodes ago????

LMAO HE’S GONNA WAIT TIL HE CAN GET OPTIMUS AND MEGATRON TOO bless Starscream and his pettiness

“First I must witness their humiliation!” STARSCREAM PLEASE the Quintessons really got the worst Judge

OHHH WHAT’S HE GONNA DO

SOUNDWAVE YOU’RE SO POWERFUL!!!!!

OH NO HE GOT THEM AGAIN....

GOSH I ACTUALLY GASPED WHEN THEY BROKE SOUNDWAVE’S AUDIO THING, NO!!!

“Well, it did for one of us, and it only takes one Autobot to make a difference” Bee? Whirl??? Wheeljack???

WINDBLADE!!! EVEN BETTER!!! The person with the braincell!!!

I love that Rodimus doesn’t even look worried, he just sighs like “aw man not this loser again”

On the one hand: Worried about my boys On the other: Man I love these two being buds

Also: Not To Be That Guy But it looks like Soundwave’s wearing white thigh-highs with little orange hearts on them and it’s VERY distracting

“You two work so well together!!!” OH NO OH NO OH NO ARE THEY GONNA FUSE THEM TOGETHER OR SOMETHING

THOSE HEAD MASKS ARE SO DISTURBING

uh oh what kind of loop is this

THE PLAGUE OF RUST OH NO

oh my gosh STARSCREAM’S MAKING THEM DO A BUFFING LOOP...THAT’S REALLY THE WORST THING YOU COULD THINK OF STARSCREAM....

“WHERE ARE MEGATRON AND OPTIMUS PRIME” well Optimus is under a pile of concrete, so

Lmao thank you for your peanut-gallery commentary Kup

OH SHOOT THEY DID JUMP THROUGH THE MULTIVERSE BRIDGE

MAN THAT LOOKS SO FRICKIN COOL???? YO SHOUTOUT TO THE BACKGROUND ARTISTS WHO WORKED ON THIS SHOW, YOU ROCK

SERIOUSLY IM IN LOVE WITH THAT I hope whoever did the background art shares their work online sometime, I’ll be ALL over that

AHH I ALWAYS FORGET HOW SHORT THESE EPISODES ARE

Excuse me, Jeremy Levy as WHO???

Episode 15

Kup you are an...interesting commentator choice lmao

MACCADAM..... :(

Windblade please save our favorite Grandpa

wINDBLADE!

HOW’S IT FEEL BEING THE COOLEST KID ON THE BLOCK WINDBLADE

Wait I *JUST* noticed the title calls this “Bumblebee: Cyberverse Adventures” ???? IS THAT NEW

CALL ME A SUCKER BUT WINDBLADE CRACKING HER NECK AND TELLING THE LITTLE SHARK DUDES TO BRING IT ON WAS QUITE POSSIBLY ONE OF THE BEST MOMENTS OF THE SERIES SO FAR

Windblade: *does anything* Me: IM GAY

“I don’t do fear” GOSH I LOVE MY TALENTED GIRL

OH NO!!! OH NO!!!! WINDBLADE NO!!!!!

AND HER WINGS TOO??? WHY!!!!

MACCADAM HELP HER OUT COME ON DUDE WHAT HAPPENED TO NO FIGHTING

lmao rip at the dude crushed by the juke box

Wait I thought they already woke up Iaconus??

YEAH!!!!!!!! MACCADAM AND WINDBLADE TEAMING UP

“UNFORGIVABLE CRIMES AGAINST ME!” LMAO I LOVE THAT LITERALLY EVERYONE IS TUNING OUT STARSCREAM get rekt Starscream.

Not to rag on people who like Starscream because I like him too but me @ Starscream stans tbh 

You guys just need to hold hands! I mean seriously, come on you guys!

STARSCREAM QUINTESSONS OMG I just noticed they’re all wearing Starscream’s colors pffft

AW.....MACCADAM’S FIRST HIGH-FIVE....:’) I bet Windblade and Maccadam both give the best hugs and best high-fives 

They’re so cute MAN I love Cyberverse!!!! I love how sweet these characters are!!!

A psychic trap??? Hoo boy

Windblade: How do I defeat this psychic trap? Maccadam: Well, it would help if you had any bug or dark-type Pokemon on you.

“Or you could just tell me!” I JUST SAID THAT TOO LMAO gosh I love the writing on this show

OHHH I LOVE THE CONTRAST OF IACONUS’ BRAIN WITH BEE’S BRAIN IN SEASON ONE, THAT”S SO GOOD

OH LMAO HE MEANT HER SWORD I thought he meant like “your inner-strength” or “your wisdom” NO HE MEANT “USE YOUR SWORD WINDBLADE” LOL

OHHH SPOOKY VOICE, I DIG IT

Wow Starscream’s really reading out his 1000 page long call-out post to a captive audience

LMAO THEY”RE JUST LISTING OUT DATE LOCATIONS

CHROMIA IS SO CUTE!!!!!!!! AHHH

OH NO ARCEE!!!!

I LOVE ARCEE, “HIT ME WITH YOUR BEST SHOT YOU BASTARD”

OH SHOOT JK I GUESS THEY REALLY DIDN”T TOTALLY WAKE HIM  UP LAST TIME I was wondering why he was just an arm

TITAN TIME!!!

Episode 16

To toast the flares off a neutron star....cute....

Wouldn’t it be cute if Kup was telling this story to a bunch of baby Cybertronians

Awh....Maccadam I’m sorry your old Titan had to re-awaken :(

“Too bad I won’t know how it ends” OH NO ARE YOU GUYS GONNA KILL OFF MACCADAM???? NO!!!!

Iaconus looks frickin RAD I’m sure Hasbro will make a killing off his toys

Speaking of I really hope they release Cyberverse on DVD in a bundle-pack

“War Titan, do NOT ignore me!” YEAH USE YOUR MOM VOICE ON HIM WINDBLADE!!!

LOVE THAT ROCK MUSIC

“This has never happened before” now THERE’S an interesting tidbit

OH NO....ITS THE OTHER TITAN....CROATON....

on the one hand, I’m SO glad we’re getting the Titan battle I crave, but on the other, CROATON NO!!!

TRIFORCE BEAM!!!

I love that Windblade is Jaeger-ing this frickin Titan solo

WHOOPS THERE GOES THE STADIUM

“Optimus had a fight of his own...with gravity!” oh how the mighty have fallen Optimus lmao

I wonder how this wonky universe would handle a flier

JUST THROW A BUILDING AT A TITAN, NBD

SOMEONE PLEASE CATCH ARCEE

THANKS GRIMLOCK

THERE’S RATCHET Finally, I was wondering where he was

“Well it’s not my fault this won’t be a fair fight” OH SHOOT THERE IT IS!!! THERE IT IS

I can’t believe Starscream is trying to back-seat drive this fight lmao

SOUNDWAVE NO!!!! Oh thank goodness they’re ok

OH NO OH NO

IS THIS IT IS HE GONNA DIE?? MAC DONT GIVE IN TO FATE!!!  NO!!!

MAC NO!!!!!!!!!! MAC YOU DIDN”T HAVE TO DIE NO!!! YOU LITERALLY DID NOT HAVE TO STAND THERE AND GET BLASTED WHY DID YOU DO THAT!!!!!!!

“My last citizen...he is gone” FRICK IM GONNA START CRYING

Quints > Murdered Croaton's citizens most likely > Enslave Croaton > Inadvertently kill Iaconus' last citizen (WHICH HURT BECAUSE WE'RE MADE TO ASSUME IACONUS ONLY CARES ABOUT WAR BUT NO, HE LOVES HIS CITIZENS DEEP DOWN) > BEHEAD IACONUS LIKE, WHY YOU GOTTA STAB ME IN THE HEART LIKE THIS

Wheeljack you’re so smart but ALSO IM STILL CRYING OVER MACCADAM

“Hehe, you’re a nasty little fella” NICE JOB COWBOY

OH NO ALL THE SOUNDWAVES DANGIT I KNEW IT

AND HE”S A BIG LIAR HE DID HAVE SOME BLUE SOUNDWAVES

OH NO WHAT ABOUT WINDBLADE

HECK THAT”S SUCH A BAD PLACE TO STOP BUT I CANT WATCH ANY MORE EPISODES RN I GOTTA STAGGER THIS SERIES

[thanksjro]

Polyhex Wars, Book 1 Part 1: This Is Why We Take Roll, People

Boy oh boy, back with the solo writing! Before we begin, let’s take a look at what exactly we’ll be working with here.

Polyhex is a polity that’s been established in the Transformers franchise for ages, and it’s got a lot of history behind it. Perhaps if we have an understanding of the place, we’ll have a better insight to what’s going to happen in the story. Because god knows Roberts loves him some lore.

Here are some things that you can find within the city limits of Polyhex:

Darkmount

An unnamed Decepticon stronghold

The/A smelting pool

The Dead End

Decepticon fuel stores

Ratbat's offices

An Autobase

The original space bridge

The Polyhex Toll Plaza

So, a strong chance of Decepticon/Autobot action here. Ratbat might show up, which would be interesting. He was leader of the Decepticons for a little bit in the Marvel comics, and he did a pretty darn good job. Also, robotic homelessness. Outstanding.

On to the story!

Our tale opens with a problem- there’s a Decepticon with a sword and flaming eyes looming over an Autobot. A Decepticon whose face strips off, leaving only a skull. Then his robo-flesh flies off, leaving him just a skeleton. Then the robo-flesh goes and crushes the Autobot and melts his body down. Our Autobot feels his very fucking soul evaporate.

Oh hey, Prowl.

It would seem that Prowl is a favorite of Roberts, right alongside Nightbeat and Chromedome in terms of just how often he’s shown up in his writing. Hopefully things turn out better for him in this story than they did in Eugenesis.

Not that it would take much, mind you.

Turns out that nightmare we just witnessed was just that- a nightmare. Prowl wakes up on the floor, having passed out thanks to Involuntary Systems Shutdown. Guess he’s just been working himself too hard.

Roberts, you get those pores off of that robot, mister. Don’t you dare think I forgot about what you did to Soundwave and his pores.

This is actually potentially a holdover from the fanfic scene at the time. Fandom wasn’t quite as cohesive as it is nowadays, which meant that the concepts of things like fans, EM fields, and alternative terminology for robotic body parts weren’t universally accepted, so you got things like robots being able to sweat, and having much more organic terms for things. Roberts seemed to flip-flop between using mechanical and human-y language. We get terms like “optical shutters” sitting right next to someone getting the fear sweats. It’s a neat look at how things used to be.

Prowl is trying to suss out just what the hell that dream could possibly mean- I guess he subscribes to the school of prophetic dreaming- when Optimus Prime walks in and wants a status report. He’s rather rude about it too, snapping at Prowl when he doesn’t get exactly to what he’s after; that is to say, the situation on Cybertron itself. Prowl, a little weirded out by Optimus’ sudden assholery, calls up Blaster. However, when he turns back to his leader, Optimus has collapsed against a table. Whatever the Prime’s funk was seems to have dissipated, and he’s much more pleasant suddenly. Blaster, not so much.

Things aren’t going great on Cybertron. The Decepticons are nearly done building nuclear-powered rocket thrusters. They’ll be completed within the week.

Man, Eugenesis really just ruins a person’s expectations, doesn’t it?

Jokes aside, it seems like there’s something ominous going on in Autobot City, and it’s making folks act like jackasses.

Meanwhile, elsewhere, Bumblebee’s being reckless and racing around, as Hound and Beachcomber follow towards a cargo transport. Bumblebee slips inside, then immediately falls back out, having been shot in the chest. Out come Thundercracker, Skywarp, and Ramjet, a welcoming party if there ever was one. No word on where the hell Starscream is in all this. The three shoot Beachcomber and Hound, who pass out.

Back with Optimus, the Prime’s addressing a group of Autobots, who are about to embark on a mission to protect the Celestial, a vessel in charge of monitoring Decepticon activity on Cybertron. Red Alert’s involved. He’s the only one named in the group. Optimus sends them out, and then it’s just him and Prowl. Prowl asks if he’s feeling alright, and Optimus admits to having been experiencing random blackouts and vivid nightmares. Prowl is all “OMG saaaaame” and they decide to go see Ratchet.

As they’re making their way to the medical bay, Kup catches up to them with the bad news.

You mean you didn’t CHECK before you came down here?

They all run for the medical bay to find Ratchet in the throws of a seizure. Unconscious or dead, huh? Way to go, Kup.

First Aid is there, but Optimus takes matters into his own hands.

Protip: don’t do this. Slapping a seizing person isn’t going to fix anything.

Ratchet wakes up, shaken, from his own hellish vision.

Back with Hound, who’s just woken up in a prison cell, there’s a problem: Blaster is also here, in the cell opposite his own. And he had been for over two months. Getaway and Bluestreak are there too, but that’s not as important. What is important is that someone’s been impersonating Blaster and feeding the Autobot forces false intel.

Back at Nightmare Central, our three dreamboats are comparing notes. They’re all having different visions, and entering them in different fashions. Prowl has his Decepticon skeleton flesh-vore dream that starts with a white-out, Optimus sees a golden disk spinning in a black hole, and blacks out before it starts, and Ratchet is faced with an irreparable patient and is haunted by guilt, preceded by a sudden loss of feeling and breakdown. Prowl labels Ratchet’s entry into the dreamscape as Involuntary Systems Shutdown, but First Aid disagrees.

Prowl, don’t argue with the doctor. He knows more about your body than you do.

…Okay, maybe argue with the doctor a little. Looks like he’s got a touch of the reefer madness.

No, Limbo’s a thing that was established in the comics. You can only get there if you’re a victim of mass-displacement time-travel shenanigans. You see, if someone time travels, there needs to be something of equal mass that’s removed from where they’re jumping to, otherwise rifts in space-time happen. When the mass-equivalent is removed, it can’t just flat-out disappear, so it gets taken to Limbo to wait it out until the time traveler heads back to their original time. Back in ’86, when Galvatron, Cyclonus, and Scourge were being time-menaces, Ratchet, Prowl, and Optimus got shunted off into Limbo. They were there for a while.

Why the hell does First Aid know this, though? Because he went to Limbo in ’87, when Death’s Head was jumping around.

It could very well be, Optimus theorizes, that when the Time Travel Trio got sucked back into the rift, there was a sort of cross-contamination that happened, since the rift and Limbo were both connected.

Back at Darkmount, the captured Autobots are discussing their current predicament, and how it may lead to more in the near future. Blaster’s really hoping that Optimus figures out what’s going on soon, before things get really bad.

They need to get out of these cells, obviously, but how? The only way to break the electro bars is with an ionic disrupter, and nobody here has one.

Just kidding. Bumblebee’s got one hard-wired into his body. Problem is, it’s pretty weak, and just isn’t going to cut it. There’s a moment of defeat, then some old geezer enters the conversation. He’s got something that’ll amplify the disrupter enough to get them out of there. The only catch is it’s wired deep enough into his body that using it will kill him.

This presents quite the quandary to our Autobots, as their moral code forbids killing under any circumstances. Hound’s still very much on board with said code, but everyone else seems to be thinking of the greater good. The old Autobot himself even admits that he wouldn’t survive an escape attempt, and really just wants to be done with it all.

This is a very different take than the ones we’ve been seeing so far- even in the softer takes, the Autobots have, at the very least, accepted that death was a part of war, even if they didn’t like it. A big part of it is that it’s Hound, whose personality at the time was one of a soft-hearted, benevolent human-wannabe.

Roberts is going to put him through hell in this, isn’t he?

Back over at Autobot City, those fifteen Autobots Optimus briefed earlier just left for the Celestial.

I’m sure it’ll be fine!

While this is happening, Prowl remembers that thing he was trying to tell Optimus about earlier- namely, the cargo run Bumblebee, Hound, and Beachcomber were on. They aren’t back yet. What’s up with that?

Optimus decides to call Blaster to see what’s up with that, but gets a little suspicious when Blaster suggests they send more folks down to the cargo transport. After a bit of delegating with Prowl, Optimus sets a sort of verbal trap, asking how Witterquick is settling in on the ship. There’s never been an Autobot by that name, but not-Blaster takes the bait as Red Alert and pals show up. With that, he hangs up.

Because Optimus now knows that not-Blaster is not Blaster, he thinks it’s about time they pay Cybertron a visit and save the day. Before they can do that though, their collective vision explodes with a white flash, and they all pass out.

Meanwhile, Hound’s gotten over his disapproval of killing a man, as he and his cellmates plunder his dead body and plug components into Bumblebee’s head to make the most powerful hat ever conceived. With a little effort and concentration, Bumblebee manages to disrupt the bars so they can get out of there. Everyone is very proud of Bumblebee for this. They release the rest of the Autobot prisoners and Hound is appointed impromptu leader of the whole shebang, all while he’s got that old dead robot slung over his shoulder. He intends to give him a proper burial. He’s going to be carrying this guy for the rest of the story.

Good luck with that, Hound.

An Autobot named Courier seems to know the layout of Darkmount pretty well, so they let him take point and take them to the armory. They don’t ask why he knows where the armory is, just let him lead them there. It’s almost too easy. I don’t trust Courier.

Yeah, this guy’s evil.

They burst into the throne room to find an ambush, and then quickly discover that their weapons are fakes. Goddammit, did nobody check the roster to make sure all their guys were actually their guys? At this point it’s all on y’all for not making sure everyone was on the up and up.

[emotionaldepravity]

Okay this is a post for 3 episodes because more than one for each at this point doesn’t make sense.

Cyberverse Season 2 Episode 12, 13, and 14 Spoilers

Episode 12

Bye Optimus you, unlike every other version of yourself that I have ever seen either die or almost die, I felt nothing for you. I’m sure he isn’t dead, but like lmao you were boring af. High key the most boring Oppy. At least the sacrifice was in character. It just feels anticlimactic because I feel nothing for him. There was no narrative build up either so eh. Not impressed. 

Starscream’s animation was sooooo good this episode. He looked really handsome. I cant believe he actually killed all the seekers. I mean I can believe he would, but I didn’t think the writers would let him do it. I feel bad that he got taunted and lost and damn it I wanted him to have something! Megatron you ass! How dare you say ‘you’re welcome!’ You made this man so miserable!!!!! I know its in character, but :( please this Stars deserves some help. I doubt that he is gonna get any, but a girl can dream. At the very least, maybe he will get to help in making peace a reality. I just love that he is so open about hating the war. God I love that. Well at least he gets to live for the moment. Better than him getting killed off screen by the mountain. 

Megatron hurt my man for the last time. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH 

Even though I said that i like him, and he still is cute, but damn do I hate him so much sometimes.

Episode 13

And lol OP is back. Glad we solved that problem fast. /s

Skybyte showing up was so sexy~ Man that was so good!

I am a bit surprised Stars saved them by reminding them about the AllSpark. I wish I was like ‘oh redemption arc?’ and then we get some Armada Starscream, but he shouldn’t be okay that fast. Also, that’s just a bit too hopeful for how they like to treat Starscream. Also F R E E  H I M 

Shockwave I hope Megatron doesn’t start giving you the Starscream treatment lol. I mean what a clever way to trick the Autobots.

Episode 14

Wow awkward Optimus is kind of sweet? I mean now I am sure that him being a bit emotionally stunted is actually what they are going for. It still doesn’t change the fact that he is kind of boring to me still, but at least I can understand what they were going for now.

Why are we only seeing Arcee now? Smh. Anyways I love Ratchet being all excited about his work! He is so enthusiastic about all the gritty details and its such a fresh take on him since he is normally the grumpy old man. I really wish we saw more of him.

Starscream, my love, my king, you are so petty and I love you so much. I’m so glad he got to show off his sexy scientist self with hacking Wheeljack’s invention. My man is so smart and its nice to see that he is back to his trickster ways... Oh wait what? Are we just going to pretend that the last 12 episodes didn’t happen? Can we like actually see how things have effected Stars? I will be patient since I have no idea how many episodes are left in the season, but omg them glossing over everything seems insensitive to what happened to him. Maybe that was why he hated the party so much but idk I just assume that’s how he’d act normally. 

[fullmetal-the-last-alchemist]

transformers 1986 movie liveblog!!!!!!!! time to watch everyone DIE and BE STUPID!!!!!!

ohh big planet. nice music too

omg is this cybertron?? WAIT ARE THOSE CHILDREN????? WH

OMG NO NOT THE SCIENCE

BEYONCÉ VOICE: UNICRON?!

damn is he about to eat that whole ass planet. holy fuck

epilepsy warning, jesus... ik this is the 80s but those flashing lights are like So Much

oh GOD THE ESCAPE POD NOOOO

THE CHEWING SOUND EFFECT JKFHDJKKSHHHH

mood whiplash ft. 80s music!

leonard nimoy is galvatron?? omg????

"it is the year 2005" hkfjajFJLSHHJFJHHHH WHYS THAT SO GODDAMN FUNNY

OOH laserbeak!!

IRONHIDE HAS A SOUTHERN ACCENT HHJJFGSHJ LIST THAT UNDER SHIT ABT G1 I DIDN’T KNOW AT ALL

optimus... my Father....

JAZZ JHDHJKFKF WHYS HE LIKE THAT

bee - WAIT WHYY IS SPIKE HERE?????? and he's an adult now?? bruh

i mean - 2005. i almost forgot

DECEPTIONS!!!!!! AAAHHHHHHHHH

everyone's voices are so goooood UGH i fuckin love it

oh fuck is that prowl!!!!!

megs is just..here??? Uhh

HES JUST A GUN?????? hhjjhshjdkakks HES JUST A GUN.....

like i knew that. i did! but seeing it...Actually seeing it, in person...

OH GOD PROWL JUST DIED

AND RATCHET HOLY FFUCK

"you're an idiot, starscream" WHY WAS THAT SO FUNNY HSJJJFHFJDSHD

THAT WAS. SO MUCH

WOW

IS THAT HOT ROD FISHING WITH A CHILD

the fucking hover board jkshhfkf

I love hot rod already he's so good

the fuxking mood whiplash oh my GOD the pacing is so 80s and bad

SUDDENLY DECEPTICONS

AHH PERCEPTOR!!

haha nerd

ARCEE AAHHHH

BLURR AHAHHHHHH

HAHA perish starscream

insecticons???????? uhh ok!

what the fuck is this giant robot

ok lj says it's autobot city, which is also a dude! ok!

ok lj says it also might not be. alright!

omg all of soundwave's shit kids!!

AHHHH REWIND AND EJECT!!!!!!!!!!!!

soundwave and uhh that guy’s cassettes fighting instead of their holders is like kids fighting in a parking lot as their parents watch

omg I love blurr SO MUCH

OH MY GOD DID WHEELJACK DIE OFFSCREEN?? what the FUCK

omg the kid helping to push...

ooh devestator...

"let the slaughter begin!" GOOD LORD HES REALLY NOT KIDDING IS HE

OPTIMUS AND THE DINO BOTS

YOU GOT THE TOUCH BABEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

one shall stand one shall fall HELL YEEEAAAHHHHH

OLD MAN SLAPFIGHT

eyyy there's the ass grab

you who are without mercy now plead for it holy FUCK THATS SO RAW

HOT ROD NO

OPTIMUS NO

STARSCREAM KICKING MEGS PFFFT

OMG soundwave carrying megs and his son carrying the cannon.. that shot was So cute

is that a fucking train

ASTRO TRAIN PFFFT

oh god this death scene??

TIL ALL ARE ONE BABEEEEYYYYY

HOT ROD CAUGHT IT AHHHH

OPTIMUS NOOOO

oh jesus this is HORRIBLE

starscream fuxking YEETING MEGS JJFKHSHSKD

soundwave should rule tbh

omg his kids defending him!!!! awwww that was so sweet

ooh isn't this when cyclonus is made?

damn megs is. So much. unicron is pretty interesting though, at least to me since i know jack shit about him

megs magical girl transformation pfft

oh wait galvatron is megs?? Oh wow

and cyclonus!!! yo nice

damn why does he want the matrix destroyed so bad

WHAT is going on with starscream and this ceremony pfft

eyy cyclonus!!!

holy FUCK

STARSCREAM JUST MEGA DIED

oh lord there goes one of the moons

jazz pfft

oh GOD THERE GOES LUNA 1 LIKE FORREAL

spike and bee are here - and THERE GOES LUNA 2

DID HE JUST SAY SHIT HHHJFKJSDJJD

WHOA battle of wills between megs and unicron...

ok stop being hetero

did hot rod just lasso grimlock pfft

aww grimlock is so cute, listening to kup and his war stories!!! aww

hot rod is literally luke skywalker huh. i love him so much

wow megs really didn't notice the ship separating did he. wrow.

rod how can u drive underwater?? also why is everything mechanical????

it’s for no blood probably, but still

oh god is kup missing his arm and his leg???

god the MUSIC...

love how this kid is just? here? and everyone’s sort of lowkey adopted him? it’s so sweet

awww that's so cute

aww rod and kup!!! i love their dynamic tbh. it’s so cute, like a dad on vacation with his son

oh god are these aliens, what the fuck

jail time!

dinobots and.......wreck gar? maybe?

this movie is fucking unintelligible sometimes and I love it

TIL ALL ARE ONE FUCK YEAH

he said a swear! magnus! your idw self would be in SHOCK

oh GOD MAGNUS NO

I HAVE NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT FOR THIS COURT FUCK YEAH

this goddamn music hjfkdjdkfkdkf

EYY THE DINOBOTS

oh it’s..wheelie? idk who that is

oh jesus it's the crackheads from mad max

the eye sparkle nkkkdnjkadhdj

DARE TO BE STUPID HELL YEAAAHHH

eyyy hot rod!!!

ARE THEY HAVING A FUCKING DANCE PARTY HHJFKDFJJD ISN’T ULTRA MAGNUS DEAD ON THE FLOOR LIKE TEN FEET AWAY

DID SOMEONE KISS GRIMLOCK PFFT

this mustache guy is absolutely unintelligible

oh is ultra magnus like fine?? what the fuck??????

pfft galvatron can't do shit with his new bling

oh fuck is unicron transforming

decepticons vs. unicron I guess??? whoa

oh my god he just ATE GALVATRON

"nope" pfft

is hot rod like ok?

oh my GOD THAT MELTING PIT, THATS SOME DJD SHIT

HELL YEAH CHILD

HOT ROD BABEY

YOU GOT THE FUCKING TOUXH!!!!!! RODIMUS PRIME BABYYYYYYYYY

unicron really got exploded by a fresh twunk huh

god the MUSIC.......eternal. unfitting and 80s and eternal as HELL

[shirtlesssammy]

13x23: Let the Good Times Roll

Then:

Team Free Will 3.0!

Now:

Sam gives the new recruits a rundown on the sorry state of our world. (Extra meta credit to the show for letting Jim Beaver talk about The Shape of Water. I’m pretty sure he was going to be in it but couldn’t due to other commitments. I can’t find that news now, but here’s his tweet about it.)

Dean calls. Apparently, Cas, Jack, and him were on a hunt for a case, and found some Kardashian loving werewolves to take out.

Jack’s still learning (and Dean’s willingly training him. Awww.) While Cas takes out a werewolf outside, Sam, Dean, and Jack take out the rest inside. I love that the lesson about silver bullets doesn’t really apply for Jack, but he still wants to learn. (And, in hindsight, it matters so much that he does learn how to fight like a human.)

Meanwhile, Bobby and Mary take a nice stroll through the countryside, summing up the new world order.

Yay for Rowena and Charlie Thelma and Louise-ing it through the Southwest. I’m a bit more concerned about Ketch “out doing Ketch things.” Uh, that man is a cold blooded killer. Is he redeemed? He. Killed. Magda. (Natasha: And Eileen. Horribly.) And then Bobby and Mary share a look. (Or, as the script says: They eyefuck.) The lovely interlude is interrupted when they see blood and find Maggie, another refugee, dead, head bashed against a rock.

Sam and Dean are back at the bunker, and that whole werewolf hunt was a lesson for Jack. Dean wants to retire -on the beach with Cas. If Jack can hone his powers, Sam and Dean are going to get their well deserved retirement. SOB.

Jack, bby, is having a nightmare though. Dean rushes to his room and they have a father-son moment.

They share a moment of mutual nightmares (and we relive au!Kevin’s death again!), and then Dean gives a wonderful, heartfelt, motivating talk to Jack. It’s such a beautiful moment to highlight that Dean will never stop being a parent, and he’ll never stop caring and fighting for his family. It’s also, I think, a moment that will sustain Jack next season. He’s family, and Dean’s his family, and as Dean says, “we look after our own.”

Sam rushes to tell Dean about Maggie, and cut to them all standing around her body.

Jack takes it personally, but Sam tries to reassure him that it’s not his fault.

Back at the bunker, they start interrogating another refugee. She is shocked to learn that Maggie is dead, and admits that there was a boy that she had a crush on. She probably went to see him the previous night. Jack flaps out before the others.

The boy is named Nate, and he works at the Gas and Go, and Jack is full on rage nephilim. He blasts him, and starts to choke him, demanding an answer to Maggie’s death. TFW bust in and Cas tries to intercede, but is tossed across the room (No Jack!), and then Dean shoots Jack (to get his attention.) Jack, realizing his error, runs out in self-loathing defeat.

Jack starts beating himself up literally and figuratively, and I was tearing up a bit during this scene. He fits so well with TFW --self-loathing and the inability to accept himself and his limitations/uniqueness.

At the Gas and Go, quick thinking Cas gives Nate the FBI cover (with aliases Rowland, Knowles, and Williams, heh. And Dean’s so proud of his quick-thinking husband, he flashes the peace sign. Goober.)

The place starts to shake and lights begin to flicker --and it’s clear an angel is forthcoming. AGH.

Jack is still hurting himself in the forest when Lucifer pops in. BLARG.

Sam, Dean, and Cas make a run for it, but before they can escape in Baby, Michael appears. BLARG.

Dean lights and throws their entire container of holy oil at Michael (aw, I remember when Cas originally obtained it to keep Rafael in a ring of fire) and they hightail it out of there.

Meanwhile, Lucifer lets Jack know that it was Sam that trapped him in the AU world. He tries giving Jack the “we’re not human” speech and tries to convince Jack to leave with him. And then Jack, who couldn’t possibly get ANY CUTER, starts talking about Star Wars and light sabers, and OMG. Season 14: Supernatural in Space!

He also worries about Sam, Dean, and Cas, but Lucifer tells him that this is their opportunity to escape their past, their sins, and start over. Hmmm, I mean, Jack’s made mistakes, but dude, he doesn’t really have a past, or sins. Don’t drag him into your pity party. However, Lucifer sells his plan well enough that Jack agrees.

At the bunker, Bobby and Mary discuss Maggie’s death. Jack and Lucifer come strolling in like it’s nbd. Mary springs into action, telling Bobby to call Sam. Lucifer is here to bring Maggie back to life, per Jack’s wishes. I’m getting a Pet Semetary vibe with this, but it’s all good in the end. (Sidenote: Bobby called Sam - and presumably Dean and Cas - “boys”. Gah.) And before TFW can make it back to the bunker, Jack and Lucifer are gone.

*Mid Episode Aesthetic Break*

TFW slightly panics when they get back to find that Lucifer’s come and gone with Jack. (Like, that old problem again, amirite?) They split up to investigate leads. Sam gets to gently interrogate Maggie and ask who killed her. Eek. She didn't catch an ID on his face...but she saw his eyes.

Cue Jack and Lucifer… They stargaze together in familial bliss out in the woods while Michael starts his assault on the bunker.

Lights begin to flicker and the front door rattles. Sam orders Mary and Bobby to take Maggie out through the garage. Sam, Dean, and Cas await Michael. He busts in, they all pull out their weapons and proceed to...fire fruitlessly at Michael while he floats down from the upper balcony like he’s Peter Pan.

Michael tells them all that they can fly if they’ll only believe quickly gets the upper hand on all three of our heroes. He reveals that he made a deal with Lucifer to get to their world. Luci helped him open a rift. (See? I told you not to let Lucifer stay, Sam.) In return, Lucifer gets Jack and Michael gets everything else. (Lucifer. Dude. I love Jack and hate you... but that's a hell of a lopsided deal.)

Michael gives Dean a little preview of his idea of “saving the world” promising Dean that he will be the first to die – the first person he “saves.” Um. Thanks but no thanks, dickhole. Dean slowly suffocates in Michael's grip and Sam prays to Jack for help.

Jack, that sweet little cupcake, hears Sam's prayer. He realizes that Sam's begging for help and flaps away to the bunker to join the fight.

Dean continues to choke when...WAPOW WAPOW! Jack uses his super nephilim force to knock Michael down. Jack goes full glowy eyes on Michael, twisting his hand into a fist until Michael writhes in agony. “Lucifer, we had a deal,” Michael gasps and Jack turns to Lucifer and asks what that means. (Aw, Jack.) Welp. Lucifer was gonna get the fuck off the planet with Jack while Michael laid waste to Earth. Thus, all the stargazing and romanticizing Star Wars.

Cas is pissed that Lucifer would just abandon ship (why are you surprised, Castiel?) and Sam ratchets Jack’s shock up another level. Sam reveals that Lucifer killed Maggie. Though Lucifer initially denies it, Jack's eyes glow and he compels Lucifer to tell the truth. (Me: Stop thinking about Tom Riddle in Harry Potter compelling people to “tell the truth.” Jack’s a precious smol nougat. He’s no Voldemort! Also me…)

“She saw me and she screamed so I crushed her skull with my bare hands and it was warm and wet and I liked it.” It's somewhat refreshing to hear Lucifer say this because he’s the ultimate spin machine, constantly covering up his misdeeds. However, it’s also so disturbing to hear Lucifer's true thoughts that hide under his smirking exterior.

Jack's face falls. “You're not my father,” he says. “You're a monster.” Lucifer screams in rage. He tells Jack that humans are worthless, and that he doesn't need Jack. In a flash, he slits Jack's throat and sucks out a big wallop of grace. NOOOOOOOO!

Lucifer grabs a weakened Jack and Sam lunges for Jack...and then Lucifer flaps out of there with both of them. Dean and Cas are left alone in the bunker with Michael.

Cut to Sam getting tossed across a church floor. Lucifer kicks Sam, his very favorite punching bag. And he's got Jack just where he wants him. Mustache twirl, mustache twirl.

Back with Michael, Cas demands to know a way to stop Lucifer. Michael tells them that Lucifer is supercharged with Jack's grace...and now he can destroy the universe. Um. Oops. (Does stolen grace slowly kill archangels too?) Michael protests that he can't do anything to stop Lucifer in his “banged up meatsuit.” He coughs pathetically. “This is the end of everything,” Michael says. And damn it all, if Dean doesn't get a really dumb idea lodged in his head.

“What if you had your sword?” Dean asks.

DAMN IT, DEAN

How did we not see Lucifer stealing Jack’s grace? Extracting Jack’s grace to depower him was a plot point last year, and Lucifer using other angels’ grace to power up was used all this season. I think (like always) maybe the pacing could have been better to make it more weighty at the end? Had Lucifer met Jack sooner, and felt betrayed by Jack, and stole his grace sooner so we could feel that power, maybe that would make Dean’s decision more necessary? We know where Dean was coming from with his absolute need to protect his family --at the cost of his own life. They were in a bad spot, but I’m not sure the show made the stakes feel as high as they really were.

Meanwhile Lucifer is playing with his food (aka Sam) when Jack demands that he leave Sam alone. Lucifer's unimpressed and switches his attention to nougat. He punches Jack repeatedly. Father of the year award, here. :(

Lucifer tells Sam that family sucks and Jack being “family” is meaningless. To prove his point, he tells Jack to kill Sam. Lucifer drops his archangel blade at their feet and settles back to wait for the show.

Dean continues breaking our hearts at the bunker. While Cas asks Dean to back down, Dean sells himself as Michael's “sword.” UGH. Michael tells Dean that, were Dean possessed by him they MIGHT have a chance to defeat Lucifer. (Holy shades of Lucifer-possessing-Cas, Batman!) That's all Dean needs to hear. “Lucifer has Sam. He has Jack. Cas, I don't have a choice!” Dean brokers a deal with Michael: Michael can possess him, but he's in charge. Michael looks...very pleased.

Sam and Jack face each other down while Lucifer natters at them. Sam bends down and picks up the blade. Jack looks hurt. Confused. And then Sam tries to hand him the blade so Jack can kill him instead. NOOOOOOO! (Please imagine this in Luke Skywalker’s voice.) Sam’s willingness to sacrifice himself for his adopted son inspires Jack to...sacrifice himself. Jack knows how to end Lucifer’s game. He’ll kill himself! Jack starts driving the blade into his skin when light streams from behind him. It's Dean! Er, Michael! Er, Michael!Dean! 

“Heya, Sammy,” Dean’s familiar greeting is assurance that he’s still behind the wheel. He looks to Lucifer. It's time to rumble. Lucifer and Michael!Dean start to fight. Um...in the air? (This is no Crouching Tiger.) Supernatural could have at least given them both swirling capes.

Lucifer begins to get the upper hand and it’s looking bad for our team. Sam runs forward and picks up the forgotten archangel blade from the floor, tossing it up into Dean’s hand. Dean stabs Lucifer with it and Lucifer glows with red fire (still floating) before he finally poofs out. DING DONG THE WITCH IS DEAD!

Lucifer lies dead on the floor, the embers from his burned wings glowing like stars around his head. (Kudos vfx department)

(Boris: I was really shocked about Lucifer’s death at first (I’ve also held that Lucifer would be the ultimate Big Bad in the end), but they’ve been reversing The End this season and that’s exactly how they ended it.)

Sam experiences intense relief. Lucifer, his torturer, is dead! They're happy...they're celebrating… This is Return of the Jedi and they’re all about to eat a little storm trooper with some fuzzy Ewoks when--

Dean buckles over, gasping. Oh no, we know the signs of an angel/human internal battle. “We had a deal!” Dean shouts and when he lifts his head, Michael's behind the wheel. He looks around casually and then flaps out, leaving Sam and Jack in shock behind him.

Back at the bunker, Mary and Bobby rush back into the library only to find Cas sitting alone on the step. He says nothing. Just shakes his head...

On a quiet street, Michael goes for a stroll. He's purloined some classy new duds so he can walk the world. His eyes glow…

Stay tuned, kids.

You Can Quote, You Can Quote, You Can QUOTE!!!

You shot me.

Wanna lightsaber?

Ginger trouble!

You, me, Cas. Toes in the sand. Couple of little umbrella drinks. Matching Hawaiian shirts, obviously. Some hula girls.

It's not about being strong. … Even when we're strong. Man, things are gonna happen. We're gonna make mistakes. Nobody's perfect. But we can get better. Every day, we can better.

I think he thought I'd be trapped over there in “giant litter box world” forever.

Before you died, do you remember anything about the person who killed you?

Daddy Sammy coming to the rescue.

Thanks for the suit.

Want to read more? Check out our Recap Archive!

[mcphee4ever]

Look what arrived the other other day (March 24) yep, look at who is the newest member of the console family, and I am so elated😁 and EXCITED, it almost doesn’t feel real to me, but it is, and it’s all thx to my mom @delsworth❤️ and to this one very nice guy on Discord (he doesn’t have an IG account, or I’d tag him definitely) his name is Jose, and it it weren’t for him securing me one, I’d still be PS5 less right now, haha..Anyway, I hooked it up the other day and I am am having an absolute blast playing it..I’ve been playing playing Astro’s Playroom, and OMG, it is so much fun, and it REALLY showcases what the Duel Sense controller really can do, with the Haptic Feedback (it feels so good in your hands as it runs through the controller) and the Adaptive Triggers (it’s sooo cool how you have to apply a certain amount of pressure to them, depending on what action you’re doing) I mean, OH.MY.GOD, I absolutely LOVE the PS5, there are so many cool new features, and they improved old ones, I mean they improved on EVERYTHING..it has been so much fun playing the PS5, I have been having the time of my life right now..OMG, this is soooo EXCITING, EVERYONE deserves to have a PS5 and discover the magic for themselves!!!!! 😊 IT. IS. AMAZING😁😆 Feel free to comment what your favorite PS5 game is, and if you have a PS5, what games do you have for it.. I have Spider-Man: Miles Morales, Ratchet and Clank: Rift Apart, and Final Fantasy 7 Remake: Intergrade..the very game that made HAVE to get a PS5 right now! Are there any must have games that make you want to get a PS5 right now? Let me know in the comments!👌🏻😊👇🏻 #ps5 #playstation5 #gaming #game #finalfantasy7remakeintergrade #ratchetandclankriftapart #games #spidermanmilesmorales (at Taft, California) https://www.instagram.com/p/CbqwUDzOy3w/?utm_medium=tumblr

[lonelyghosts-stuff]

Avengers Infinity War-First Time Watching Reaction Play-by-Play (Pt. 1)

I’m about to cry... Loki... please no...

Thanks you wrinkly purple nut sack

“We have a hulk.” I’m gonna cry

“I assure you brother, the sun will shine on us again.” AGHHHHH

How on earth is Thanos able to beat up the hulk with only one infinity stone but when he has all of them, the hulk is able to put up a fight?

Oh bye hulk.

Neat trick Heimdall. How come you couldn’t do that with Thor and Loki?

HEIMDALL NO!!!!

No ones had the ability to wield two infinity stones at once? Lmao. Well, in the first avengers, Loki had the scepter AND the tesseract soooo

And the TVA laughs at you Thanos.

HE CALLED HIMSELF ODINSON AGHHHHH

I’m crying

Loki is dead now

Fortunately the existence of the show is helping to alleviate the pain, but we will never see THIS Loki again...

Thor has lost everything. I feel so bad for him. He’s lost his mom, his dad, his friends, his home and people, and his brother.

Good thing Heimdall knew to send Hulk directly into the sanctum. Poor Bruce.

Thanos, I will take great pleasure in your suffering in death. Know this. There is no quadrant in space that you can flee to where you can avoid my wrath. “You think you know pain?” I’ll make you beg “for something as sweet as pain.”

Is Tony like, able to predict the future or something? Morgan Stark?

No more surprises ever Stark? About that...

Science bros hug

Ben and Jerry’s product placement. Nice

Course Vision made himself go offline. Smoochie time with Wanda.

Would shoving the time stone down a garbage disposal even do anything lol? Like, I feel like it would destroy the whole building lol.

Call your boy Steve, Tony!

Suck up your pride.

Poor Bruce. Always getting filled in on all the details last minute.

Bruce has it probably one of the worst. Dudes getting chucked around the universe into places he has no ideas what’s going on in.

Flip phone time

CALL HIM

Oh no

Rumbling?

Ah cripes

Quick make a call on the run

Multitasking is a lifesaver Tony

Poor New York. Why would anyone want to live there in this universe?

Earth’s closed

Go away

Spider man, spider man,

Ned is my favorite avenger.

How did no one see Peter lmao

STAN LEE

EXCELSIOR

SPIDER MAN IS GOING TO SPACE

lmao Tony ain’t gonna be happy

Work it Stephen. Do your interpretive dance moves.

EARTH IS CLOSED

GO AWAY

HEY—my life isn’t that meaningless...

Savage, ratchet

He exhausts us too

Banner having performance issues.

Hulk is on hiatus apparently

Dude you’re embarrassing me in front of the wizards.

heck yea, CGI time

Ebony Maw got no chill.

Hey maybe don’t turn your back on the enemy

Stephen, you almost crushed Bruce under a taxi.

Eh I’ve fought this guy in Marvel Champions... he’s not that tough

Hey Peter

Bye Peter

Tony, master of summaries.

Hulk is in his feels.

It’s a simple spell but quite unbreakable

Meme time

Cmon Stephen you’re supposed to be powerful

Sleepy strange

Capey to the rescue!

I love how Peter doesn’t even question the existence of wizards.

CAPEY NO—

SAVE HIM CAPEY

BEAM ME UP SCOTTY SPIDEY

Wong really just sent that beast to attack poor Inuits huh?

Wong is invited to the wedding

“I can breathe.” *exposes face to space*

Okay that was pretty sick. I don’t particularly like the iron suit as it feels kinda lame since I loved that Peter made his own, but it works here.

Poor pepper

You just had to leave the phone tony

At least Bruce somehow found it

Hell yea it’s my favorite space group, the Guardians of the galaxy. Featuring dance daddy, sleeping invisible man, dance mom, sleepy rabbit, and angst plant.

Now I’m hungry for cheddar

Poor Gamora lmao

Oh and I can’t forget mantis

Mantis you got a killer mean face

Angsty teen plant

Huh they learned Grootish

Uh oh

Gamora knows something up

Oh hi thor

He is not a dude. This is a man.

Poor Peter quill lmao

Heyyyyy Chris Pratt worked out hard to get into shape for this role lmao

Poor Thor...

He literally lost EVERYTHING

Peter is jellyyyy

Drax has a man crush

ASGARDIANS OF THE GALAXY

Thanos isn’t that smart. Just like, double the resources.

Oh thank you thor for being sympathetic

Peter, stop it. It’s not a competition of who has the worst life.

Gosh I love Chris Pratt so friggin much. He’s a national treasure lmaoo. I love him so much.

Peter grow up

Both of you

Children

Oh there’s an actual place called Knowhere

Oh yea Tivan the collector. Didn’t he die?

Half of the Asgardians? I didn’t see them

Kevin bacon is an avenger

Oh Gamora... how did she know where the soul stone is?

Nidavellir? Axe time

Lmao I love the rabbit

HAHAHAHA I LOVE THIS

Thor and rocket rabbit are my favorite duo now

I love rocket so much lmao

I like this thor much better than the one we saw in Ragnarök. (Again, I love that movie as just a movie, but not as a Thor movie)

Good bye morons

Oh hey Paul Bettany

SO CUTE

Love you guys

Wanda vision

Don’t get too attached tho

“I just feel you” oh no... I know where that line comes back around

Promises to go back? To who? For what?

Robot lover

Robosexuality (futurama anyone)

I SHIP IT SO MUCH

Poor Vision lol

Convenient TV News exposition is convenient

Go with him wanda

You just messed up

Poor vision

WRECK EM WANDA

SHOW THEM THE POWER

No more phasing? Oh no.

Cmon Wanda MESS EM UP

No more phasing? Vision should be friends with ghost

It sure is lucky that no one seems to be out and about in Scotland huh?

IMAGINE if Wanda had the powers she had at the end of wandavision right here. Thanos and everyone else would be no match

BOSS GIRL MOMENT

OH HELL YA

THAT IS HOW YOU MAKE AN ENTRANCE CAPTAIN AMERICA ROGERS!!!

AND THE FUTURE CAPTAIN AMERICA SAM TOO!

AND BLACK WIDOW

You aliens are no match

I wanna kill them

Cowards

Gosh Nat is such a badass

Wow Steve looks great with a beard

Digging the suit too, more subtle

Poor Gamora oh my gosh

I wonder why Thanos chose to keep Gamora? She didn’t really display a fighting spirit here

I’m confused. Gamora was described as the last of her kind but the flashback showed only half of them being killed which is more accurate to what Thanos wanted?

Cmon quill, take things seriously...

Oh dear

Quill, be serious...

PETER BE SERIOUS

Swear it

KISS KISS KISS YEA

Dangit drax

Lmao poor drax

I got a bad feeling about Knowhere

I thought Tivan died? Like in the explosion of the power stone?

Drax don’t

Drax be patient

DRAX NOT YET

Drax you couldn’t even take on Ronan... don’t do it ya lovable dummy

Gosh poor Drax

Poor Peter quill

Nice hits Gamora!!!

Just kill him

If someone shot him in the head right here it’d all be over

Oh my gosh I feel so bad for Gamora

Phenomenal acting from Zoe Saldana

He’s not dead... sooooo what’s his play?

Ah

Illusion

Copy cat for Loki

Oh my

Oh so he planned this

OP bastard

Already has the reality stone

Soooo Tivan is dead then?

Oh my that’s horrifying

Grimace lmao

Peter

Cmon

Peter

The emotion

Chills

I hate you Thanos

I really do

OH MY GOSH THEY SAID I LOVE YOU

Thanos you BASTARD

Copying Loki’s move set

Poor quill

This is the last time they see each other huh?

Wait wait wait wait wait, I remember that another Gamora from another timeline comes in and helps. How come she isn’t arrested by the TVA? She’s a variant just like Loki???

You tell em Rhodes

They have nothing to be forgiven

Hell yea baddie Steve

Oh do they think Tony is dead?

Love you Rhodes

Get Steve looks great

BANNER AND NAT

Awkward tensionnnnn

Quick kiss before it’s too late

Lmao poor Sam and his crush on Nat

Lmao Ant-Man and Spider-Man

How long is vision unable to phase?

Poor Wanda... if only they could get it out in Wakanda (I hate how much I know about this without watching).

Isn’t white vision with this visions memories now? Like, can him and Wanda get back together?

WAKANDA

Rest In Peace KING T’CHALLA, Chadwick Boseman! Wakanda forever!

White wolf baby. Lesssgettttittttt

BUCKY BABY LOOKING LIKE JESUS

Poor baby, one fight to another. His only calm in wakanda...

Precarious needle positioning is precarious

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

Ouch

CMON TONY SAVE HIM

Oh peter

Lmao

Oop

Fault?

Love peter. Perfect awkward teen

“You can’t be a friendly neighborhood Spider-Man if there’s no neighborhood.” That worked out perfectly.

Omg peter you’re making even me feel old asking about the “old” movie Aliens.

CAPEY TO THE RESCUE AGAIN

Soooo is ebony maw dead now? He didn’t last long

Cmon you cocky cuckoos

“I’m peter by the way.” “Doctor strange.” “Oh we’re using our made up names... um-I’m spider man then.” Gosh I love peter so much lmao

Yayyyyy PTSD we love that. Poor Tony. He needs therapy. They all do, really.

Man I know how this ends...

Harsh strange... harsh. You’ll learn that the universe also depends on these guys.

Peter is an avenger. Lmao he’s so perfect at being awkward.

Oh no. Poor Gamora. Quick, kill him with the soup.

Thanos, just DOUBLE THE RESOURCES. For cripes sake man. You don’t gotta be a genocidal maniac.

Gamora is only in here 20s? Or I guess maybe 30s now.

Thanos, you don’t understand. Wanna know why you can still see people in poverty happy? Because they see the hope. They value family. You could have given them resources. Not killed them.

Part 2

[fandom-frenzy]

time for Mingle All the Way which has been hyped up for me by my friend for two years so this’d better hold up

The mother/daughter dynamic is very odd. Ah. Apparently because daughter is not doing enough with her career ✔️ - omg the mom just called the dad “daddy” and it is both hilarious and pretentious - and needs to come back to their accounting firm or whatever.

And now we’re meeting the man, who has an adorable niece ✔️ who will teach everyone the meaning of Christmas I’m sure. Both the man and woman are missing their special angel ornament. I smell a meet cute.

The girl is over Christmas ✔️ but she’ll go to a party anyway. For the networking. If this app ever got off the ground half the hallmark movies would be out of plotlines because people could find holiday dates without shenanigans.

I’m with the dude here, if you are going to buy something at a store you don’t set it down and walk away. Anyway, somewhat meet cute achieved? ✔️ 

Sister is engaged ✔️ so everyone can only talk about what girl’s love life is ✔️ .

Aha, they have now been rude to each other so they’ll definitely hate each other on their first blind date! ✔️

Both of them trust other people to create their online profiles. WHY.

Back to the old standby of “clumsy is a character flaw ✔️ “

The levels of animosity are extreme. These are two people who will refuse to see anything good in any situation. (also green dress ✔️ )

The guy’s boss wants his employees to do couples things. I hate him already. “Oh you have a girlfriend now? I guess you have value!” GAG ME

Conflict #1 - he started down the fake dating path. she is not happy. ✔️

This child talks like a 5 year old and looks like she’s probably in 4th grade. Ambiguous ages for the win! ✔️ 

“silent night” plays at the restaurant. other couple: “they’re playing our song!” me: who the eff has silent night as their song?!? But it’s important for The Dance. ✔️

Oh nooooooo. She’s going to write about her experience for the website. He will be hurt and disappointed. ✔️

Time for the Sad Backstory about how her family just has lost the Christmas magic over the years.

Drama! The jerk coworker has just overheard a conversation that they aren’t actually dating! ✔️ And now she’s lying to him about what app she created. Ratchet up the drama even more. 100% the family is going to spill the beans.

The mom is acting horrible again ✔️ so he’s giving a heartfelt speech about how she’s great ✔️ and he’s clearly in love. the family didn’t spill. But there’s a horsedrawn carriage! ✔️

They’re doing real dating things now like decorating trees and having dinner. The hurt will be swift and deep. ✔️ They’re cooking together. ✔️

She runs a tech start up. How does she afford a house. Oooh, jerkface found her little blog bit about their experience. Maybe the man won’t be hurt with it published, they’ll just lose the favor of horrible boss. (dead mom ✔️ )

The clumsy falling into the tree ✔️ the almost kiss ✔️ 

Mom appears and gives heartfelt apology ✔️ But they still keep calling the dad daddy and I hate it. Man and sister are having a heart to heart ✔️ They are realizing their feelings. But it’ll be too late! Another family gathering, still time for the family to spill the beans. (red dress ✔️ ) But no! the ex girlfriend has arrived just as he’s about to tell his feelings! ✔️ She abruptly leaves. He is confused. Caroling will be awkward. Aha, there it is. Everything has come out at the work party ✔️ and now horrible boss is angry that his employee fake dated. I really hate that boss. Now they’re disappointed. ✔️

Now the boss is changing his tune about relationships. Everyone is happy and confessing their true feelings and so on ✔️ . Mistletoe. ✔️

Pros: Brant Daugherty is fiiiiiiiiine

Cons: “daddy”. horrible boss.

5/10 pretty cliched standard hallmark

[inkscreen]

Change

Sometimes, I dread going home.

There are new books on the bookshelves, in addition to the books I deemed not important enough to take with me to my new home. Books that are not in a language I usually read in, books that I didn’t even know my mother liked even though her eyesight is failing and the most she reads these days is a page or two from the Tamizh magazines that land on her doorstep every week.

My notes and books from university—only a decade ago but feels like several—are neatly packed in a cardboard box languishing in a corner, gathering dust because I’ve not bothered to unpack the box since we moved to this house. The dust rises every time the window is opened, floats gently around the house, and settles. On the bed, on the rickety side table that also doubles as a makeshift kitchen counter for the induction stove when the gas runs out, on the line of shirts hanging behind the door, on the clothesline that extends from one corner of the bedroom to the other.

Years ago, I would have fought for that clothesline to exist outside the house, where my mother would have been embarrassed to hang her freshly washed blouses and petticoats and nighties. I wanted a clean, clutter-free, dust-free bedroom. I couldn’t fathom the embarrassment then; I do not have the mental capacity to bother about a clutter-free house now.

The kitchen has been rearranged, and I find that jarring even though I never cooked in my maternal home. I reach for the salt; my hand automatically goes to a specific shelf in a flash of physical memory that leaves my brain reeling when my fingers close around a jar of ground pepper instead. There is sambar podi and saaru podi in the corner where the lentils used to be. The rice has been relegated to the middle shelf because my mother cannot bend down to reach the bottom shelf anymore.

I try to make tea and I find myself facing brown sugar instead of white.

Everything is unfamiliar and my heart lurches because I’ve come home to help out, and yet, I find myself turning to my mother at every step of cooking.

My mother, who hovers.

Hovers while I’m roasting spices in ghee for that final touch for the sambar. Hovers while I’m sweeping the floor, something that has not been done for weeks now. Hovers while I’m rearranging the shelves that hold nondescript everyday items. I want to put the photo frames and the plaques on the top shelf so my parents will have easy access to the things they use every day, but she insists that the frames be put where she can reach them. The frames showcase a bare handful of moments from the last couple of years or so and they need to be dusted and cleaned everyday. Even though the cloth bags end up on another, higher shelf and my father will need a stool to reach them.

There are other changes too.

My mother has a visitor every day, who alights on the kitchen windowsill for his habitual dose of mosaranna and chips. He caws in protest if she delays his food or if someone else feeds him. Or if, god forbid, he happens to get bread instead of rice.

The crow doesn’t have a name, but on the days he doesn’t turn up, my mother’s anxiety levels ratchet. My father has eaten, she has eaten but there’s still a member of the family that remains unfed. I rarely ever get lunchtime phone calls from my mother making sure I have had lunch, what I ate, and whether I ate well, but if I ever do, I know there was no crow visit that day. Only leftover mosaranna.

------

My father does not take his bike out anymore. A rickety thing, that motorbike.

It’s nearly 20 years old and has accompanied my father to all of his sales and marketing appointments, school pick-ups and drops, household errands, and leisure trips. It has gone with him on sneaky alcohol-fuelled Mahabalipuram visits, on long drives to middle-of-nowheresville to visit relatives, and on short trips to pick up quick dinner—maybe a plate or two of idli-chutney or what passed for bisi bele bath in Chennai 15 years ago.

The motorbike was my father’s constant and he wouldn’t use it anymore.

Instead, the arrival of Uber has made him more social than before. He wouldn’t go all the way to the other end of the city to meet friends; yet, now, he goes out with enthusiasm, much to the displeasure of my mother who is neither asked if she wishes to come along nor has any say in the matter of his departure.

It wouldn’t be too far from the truth if I said Appa’s constant Ubering pissed Amma off. She’s at home all day, all the time, and the only company she has is busy gallivanting around the city in search of entertainment. Most times, this involved rather long ‘walks’ in the park; I put walks in quotes because that’s his time for gossip with the other neighbourhood uncles. Like the 80-year-old retired cardiac surgeon who had a heart attack while his chartered accountant son was abroad. Or the uncle whose diabetes count was in the 500s and was still miraculously alive and functioning.

Appa’s friends are a motley crew and he loves it.

This was jarring too. He was the man who would collapse in front of the tv the moment he came home from work and refuse to move a finger. He now has a wide social circle, washes dishes at home, sweeps the floor, and generally contributes to the upkeep of the house. Of course, this is in addition to the endless hours of cricket and mindless news he still watches. He simply transferred his office hours into socialising and doing household chores.

He Ubered around for household errands too, pointedly not taking his bike. It’s too heavy he complained at one point. Roads are too crowded. It’s hot. Too many idiots on bikes. But we knew, both Amma and I. His reluctance to take the bike had nothing to do with any of these but more a realisation that he was the provider for the household anymore. No more pressure to make ends meet, no need to kill himself driving around to sell newspaper real estate in return for a pittance. With retirement, he passed on the duties of the breadwinner to me, the only child at my just-turned-into-an-adult age of 20, and blissfully switched off. That was eight years ago. Now he makes dose hittu runs in an auto for thirty rupees and whistles while climbing up the stairs.

It was one of these Uber trips that I realised the parents were not the only cornerstones in my life that had changed.

My city had changed too.

---

Most teens have specific hangouts that they frequent. I belonged to the very small minority of those without hangouts and other teens to hang out with. I had friends, yes, but they were mostly like me—serious about academics, had protective parents who wouldn’t let them out anywhere without supervision. After school hangouts at juice parlours were an absolute no no. “You see them at school everyday” or “Come home and talk with friends” were constant refrains in all our lives.

And I didn’t have friends whose parents said and did none of the above.

Oh those girls existed and we knew who they were, but of course, my friends and I were very gently discouraged from making those associations. Not from parents, they didn’t know. But from the girls themselves.

As a result, all my hangout spots were near college when I’d gotten a degree of mobility that did not involve a parent. I also finally discovered the spots that the popular girls from school hung out at and I made sure to frequent them at the ripe old age of 18 when everyone else around me was 14+ and gave me weird side-eyes because I was not in school uniform. In tamizh, this would be called alpam, but I didn’t really care.

I nodded along with others when the topic of these spots came up.

One pani puri place had been renovated but puris did not taste the same anymore. *Nod*

The old juice parlour shut down and there’s some weird stationary shop in its place. *omg, I miss that place!*

The computer centre is no longer around, what a shame; I used to chat with my boyfriend everyday for an hour there. *mortified grin*

You get the gist.

The roads to my school are now nearly unrecognisable. New store fronts, apartments, restaurants have all sprung up rapidly, like the first gush of water when you open a tap too fast before you can dial it back. My actual memorable spots are missing; like the paan-beeda guy who used to give me a spoon of free tutti-frutti every time my dad stopped for a paan; the general shop opposite my school that stocked everything from sanitary pads and rice to highly specific barbie doll-themed geometry boxes and lemon cupcakes; the then-new vegetable mandi that father and I used to go do our weekly grocery shopping instead of my mother buying from her usual vegetable pushcart vendor. All gone.

My school with its massive rusted navy blue iron gates and seemingly impenetrable blue walls was now several shades of demure brown. I’d hated the blue back then—our school uniform was mustard brown and my anal soul was horrified that the paint did not match the uniform. Now that it does, I am not sure it is any better than the blue. The whole thing still looks quite ugly, especially when combined with the yellow and brown tiles they’ve used on the compound walls.

Every time I pass my school now, which is admittedly only for the duration that I am at home, my eyes want to roll back into my head and stay there. At least the blue had a comforting familiarity. The brown is simply monstrous.