#on a normal day i would go rewatch today's ep two more times on a scene by scene basis

[airenyah]

i'm glad i left the house today actually

[dk-wren]

Buddy Daddies Week - Ep. 9-12 Rewatch

Hello and welcome to Day 5 of my Buddy Daddies anniversary week! If you read the little end blurb from yesterday's post, let's just say things did not go according to plan and I decided to switch my planned post for today to tomorrow. That means today, I'll be sharing the last batch of thoughts and questions I had while rewatching the final four episodes of the series. And because this was a bit of a last minute switch, I was not able to grab as many images to accompany my notes at the time of posting. I will likely add those in later today or over the next few days. Hope you enjoy!

This interaction between Kazuki and Rei about Miri and who she gets her grit from is so cute because Kazuki saying she gets it from him paired with Rei’s side-eye (which in this case I interpret as due to disagreement) both convey how they deeply they feel connected to Miri and the father figure roles they’ve taken on for Miri

It’s kinda interesting to me how throughout this episode, at least based on the subtitles, Miri is the one who constantly says how she’s gonna win the gold medal. There are a few lines from Kazuki that sort of support that mentality, telling her she’s sure to win or that’s the spirit after saying she’s gonna get that gold medal, but overall, he generally just tells her to try her best. And I think that’s very sweet how he doesn’t really put that pressure on her and just wants her to do the best while enjoying herself.

Reason #? of why I love Miss Anna - her determination in the tug-o-war game (also gotta love how everyone is impressed/loves her even more for it)

Random bit, but again the sound design for this moment-perfect! I was so confused at first because I heard the crunching noises but in my head, I couldn’t put two and two together as to what would make that noise if Miri is just eating a normal onigiri. Then, it’s revealed why when Miri gets to her rice ball’s filling. Also, judge me all you want, but sound delicious and I will gladly take Kazuki’s judgmental stares and comments

Two other things about Papa Rei’s rice balls: 1) I love how imperfect they are in terms of shape and sizes, at least compared to Kazuki’s other prepared food. It does a good job illustrating how Rei is trying his best and still learning. And 2) I love how the different shapes/sizes might be due to the different fillings Rei put in, which of course would be revealed a few moments later, suggesting that Kazuki gave Rei his own space while he was making them based on his confused reaction

Even though Kazuki questions Rei’s choices in terms of what he put in the rice balls, I like how he puts back on a smile and asks him “See?” after hearing Miri’s enjoyment of them, circling back to Kazuki’s point that Miri would love anything he made for her (+ bonus small Rei smile)

The fact that there is no hesitancy in their actions. Miri takes a few seconds to read and process her scavenger hunt “item,” then immediately goes for Rei. She tells him to come with her, giving zero explanation, and, okay maybe after a beat or two of processing and thinking about it, Rei gets up and follows her. Then, when Miri and Rei come back to Kazuki, she tells them to run and the two exchange a glance and go for it, winning Miri her gold medal.

What a great episode, with such a cute ending of Rei and Kazuki thinking about next year’s Sports Day. Post-credit scene? Nah, don’t know her. This episode also just ends with the credits.

(Okay, pettiness aside, did Ogino take these photos or another member? And has Kyu been stalling? This is most likely a threat, but is it to warn him that he could have some control as to what information gets back to the Boss (or the illusion of that idea)?

From my first watch of this episode, I always thought/joked in my head, you can literally see the moment Kazuki’s heart breaks when Miri runs to Misaki instead of him. Just another moment which has always stood out to me.

Say it with me…character growth! When Misaki tells Kazuki and Rei that she is here to take back Miri, I can’t help but scream a little in how you can hear and clearly see Rei’s facial expression change at the thought of Miri being taken away

I know there’s a lot of conflicting opinions and views about Misaki, and while I will concede it was incredibly reckless and uncaring for Misaki to send Miri by herself to find her father, I think how Miri reacts to seeing her mother again says a lot about how Misaki outwardly presented/treated Miri. Underneath everything, I do believe Misaki loved Miri, even if just a tiny bit. Was she the best mother, probably not, but did she do the best she could given her situations, probably.

That being said, Misaki asking Miri (based on sub) if she’d rather be with her papas than with her does kinda irk me. The wording already sets up an underlying opinion, or that Miri would rather stay with Kazuki and Rei, which is only half of what Miri feels. Miri responds to Misaki’s question by saying that she loves her mama and papas, disagreeing with Misaki’s underlying question, but also making it known that she loves or wants to be with both of them. (I’m sorry if this is diving way into what I was taught in my rhetoric/writing classes)

Framing, let’s talk about, but not really because I am not knowledgeable enough in that regard, just gotta appreciate how when Misaki tells Rei and Kazuki that she wants to live her life for Miri, she is in frame, asleep on the couch, but right next to Misaki’s head/face. Maybe this is looking too into things (but that’s nothing new for me), but I feel like a connection could be drawn between what the mind wants and what her heart wants. And previously, all shots focus Misaki in the center of the frame, not seeing too much around her. Up until this point, Misaki is talking with the two of them with the knowledge they are in a “dangerous business,” but has yet to reveal this information to them. Before having to outright say it, Misaki is likely trying to convince Rei and Kazuki to agree to return Miri to her care. This is not to say Misaki made up or lied about having lung cancer (I do think she’s telling the truth about that), but in this moment, her mind is leading her more than her heart as she is attempting to remove Miri from this supposedly dangerous situation. Again, I do think Misaki loves Miri and wants to spend time with her, especially if she does not know how long she has to live, but I don’t think in this moment, it is her heart that’s fully leading her

When Kyutaro tells Rei and Kazuki that they better be willing to face the organization if they want to keep Miri, asking them if that’s what they want to do, Kazuki’s stuttering just comes up as “I…” in sub, which doesn’t give me a lot to work with. I think at this point, Kazuki is uncertain or unsure if he’s truly ready to fight back against the organization for a multitude of reasons. But, if he was about to say “I am,” or he’s ready/willing to take on the organization, I think that would explain a lot about his behavior when entering Suwa Manor in ep. 12 (which pulling from one of my previous post’s, I described as “Kazuki is radiating an abnormal amount of chaotic energy for him”)

Kyutaro’s line, “All this was ever a dream,” I’ve always been interested in what his intention was. Was it purely to convince them? Was he completely serious? I don’t think I have an answer for this, but it’s something that intrigues me

Give me another year and then maybe I’ll be able to put all my thoughts and feelings about the ferris wheel scene into coherent words. One thing I will say though,  something I’ve never thought too hard about before, but during this rewatch it sorta stuck out to me, I feel it is towards the beginning of this scene that Rei fully processes or understands that the decision has been made for them to give Miri up based on his reaction to Kazuki saying “Normal happiness.” Also, whoever chose to have the same song in the background of this scene as in the hydrangea fields in ep. 7, thank you for irreversibly hurting me

As has been pointed out before, the freaking parallels with Kazuki leaving his scarf with the kitten in ep. 1 to leaving his scarf with Miri in this episode, I will be crying in the corner if anyone needs me

Can I just say how much the end credits hurt after watching this episode? Especially the last frame! They’re all chilling, napping on the couch together, what do you mean Kazuki and Rei just gave Miri up? No, they’re all still together!

Something that I really liked how it was handled was Miri’s perception on her parents. To her, Misaki is her mother and Kazuki and Rei are her fathers. Maybe it is just because she is young, but there are few things that could probably shake that view for Miri. She loves each parent for a specific reason or rather because they are really good at a certain thing. You could call it naive or innocent, but I loved how this then translated into Miri constantly saying she wants to be with her mama and papas whenever the question was posed. For her there was no choosing one over the other.

Hello, high school English really rewired my brain because I am back on my Shakespeare symbolism. First off a random thought: how long were Rei and Shigeki talking that it went from being sunny (okay, maybe it was already sunset) to fully dark outside? And secondly, the fact that Shigeki reveals his hand, or that he will now take care of Rei’s outside ties (i.e. Miri and Kazuki), at night, in the dark, ooooo!

Perhaps because I have my mind wired a certain way while rewatching this time (sorry if this has already been pointed out before), but I find it very intriguing how scenes between Miri and Misaki are paired with scenes between Rei and Shigeki. Both children, Miri and Rei, are more or less reuniting with their parents after some time apart. However, Misaki is there almost comforting Miri, telling her that she’s changed and wants to continue changing to provide a better future and life for Miri. Whereas with Shigeki, he’s there to remind Rei he cannot change and his return to the organization was inevitable. Unlike Misaki and Miri’s scenes, Rei and Shigeki’s reunion is cold, formal, and all business.

Again, perhaps it is just a translation thing, but I can’t get over the implications that come with Shigeki telling Rei he has yet to close up his “affairs.” Sorry gonna let my inner nerd out for a little bit, but based on the definitions from Merriam-Webster, the first definition is “commercial, professional, public, or personal business,” which easily relates to this situation. Based on this definition, we can interpret Shigeki as asking Rei if he tied up his personal business, as in his connections to Kazuki and Miri. Adding a second layer, the second definition is listed as “a procedure, action, or occasion only vaguely specified.” To me, with the keyword of “vaguely” in this second definition, “affairs” in this sense would compliment Shigeki’s clear distaste for Kazuki and the idea of Rei spending time away from the organization and with people he views as “lower” than their family. Likewise, it represents Shigeki’s distance from Rei and how he is only concerned with the end result, or Rei returning “home,” and not what comes in between or what must be done to get to that point. And for the third definition of “affair,” Merriam-Webster states “a romantic or passionate attachment typically of limited duration.” Now, “romantic” can be omitted depending on how you view Kazuki and Rei’s relationship, but the general ideas of a deep, or “passionate,” connection and “limited duration” stick out because under this lens, then Shigeki is literally undermining Rei’s ability to grow or belief that he has changed. “Attachment” goes back to Shigeki’s talk about Rei finding fixations that he must overcome or ignore because of the future he envisions for Rei in terms of taking over the organization. Shigeki believes Rei’s love for Kazuki and Miri is simply that, a fleeting feeling, and not one that was fostered and equally reciprocated. Similarly, in viewing Rei’s relationship with Miri and Kazuki as only temporary, this reflects Shigeki’s certainty that Rei would always come back to the organization. Bottom line I guess is no matter which definition you interpret Shigeki’s use of the word “affairs” at Rei, or in viewing each definition as another layer, it is loaded with his sole goal of making Rei feel like it was inevitable for him to return back to the organization and back to his side as the future heir

Ogino’s reaction to Kazuki yelling “Now, Rei,” conveys a lot of information about Rei’s image and status within the organization. If even a top member like Ogino immediately reacts, without fully knowing if it is a ruse or not, I’d argue tells a lot about the level of skill and efficiency Rei is known to have by other members

It’s a small gesture, but in her dying moments, Misaki telling Miri she’s sorry for being selfish, and then using the back of her finger to touch Miri one last time, a part which is not bloody, I just, ahhh. Forgive me if this is a stretch, but the fact that Misaki is purposefully not getting Miri “dirty” and in her own way, is trying to spare Miri from the darkness of the world or in doing what she can to help keep Miri’s innocence. Let me go scream over in this corner.

The four episodes covered in this post have a lot of really good examples of Rei’s growth over the season. The balcony scene is no different since you have Rei going from asking Kazuki if they can change (from ep. 8), uncertain of the answer himself, to telling Kazuki they can change, already having convinced himself and now needing to convince Kazuki

I still can’t get over the fact that Rei and Miri both have their own aprons now too! Though I’ve still yet to fully figure out what Rei’s is. For whatever, reason the white coloring makes me think it’s a polar bear on the front, but I don’t know how much sense that would make otherwise. I feel like if Kazuki bought the aprons, it’s likely a cat on Rei’s apron. (And that’s this episodes random thought or detail I’ve spent too much time thinking about)

Another moment that always manages to melt my heart: Miri struggling to put on her boot because she’s grown that much and the rapid succession of Kazuki asking if she forgot anything, Miri saying no, Kazuki asking about her handkerchief, her immediately saying she forgot, then Rei joining Kazuki and Miri with said handkerchief in hand. They’re a family y’all and they sure do operate like one.

Thinking about it now, I kinda wondered why Miri only made Rei make a pinky promise with him. Rei has grown a lot over the series, but between the two, he is still the more reserved and papa. Perhaps, this is why Miri only makes Rei promise since she knows Kazuki will be at the concert no matter what. Based on the translations I had though, when Miri tells them they better be at her concert, especially since her mama, or Misaki, won’t be, Kazuki responds with “We will” while Rei says “We promise.” With Rei explicitly saying “promise,” maybe that’s what leads Miri to make a pinky promise with him, which so clearly affects him for the remainder of the episode

What it’s been, like nine months and I still cannot get over Kazuki and Rei’s entrance and fight in Suwa Manor! Like, I wish I had more to say but I’m just yelling, rooting for them and love seeing them both be badasses

I know it's been pointed out, but man, the fact that Rei’s hair comes down during the kitchen fight as he is about to deliver the final blow to Ogino, with a little help from Kazuki, just shows his progression of who Rei really is, not the Murder Machine, or a living weapon, but Rei Suwa, a person and father

It’s so simple, and yet, and yet! the power that comes with Rei saying goodbye not to his Boss but to his Father, oh my gosh. He is not just walking away from the organization and his position, he is fully walking away from his family cause he’s got a new (and better) one waiting for him, just as he is

Such a small detail, but gotta love how Miri has kept that green teddy bear with her as she’s grown up

Perhaps this is just my imagination, but does teenage Miri’s voice sound different here than the one in Kazuki’s imagination. If so, that’s awesome because Kazuki wouldn’t know how exactly Miri would sound that many years later, and how Miri turned out nothing like Kazuki had feared

These photos! I love it all! I hope Kazuki, Rei, and Miri are all able to continue living peacefully and with each other for a long time!

And that's a wrap on my rewatch!

I had a lot of fun getting to revisit so many of these scenes and letting the more analytical side of my brain take-over. I know these were long posts, so I really mean it when I say I appreciate your time and support! Also, I originally wrote down all my thoughts on a doc, which is currently sitting at just over 9k words and 16 pages. So, I did try my best to condense what made it onto each post (let me know if you want me to post the full version for any of the eps). I've still got two more days of content planned, which I'm really looking forward to sharing! Unfortunately, school is about to start up for me again, so it might be a little bit of radio silence afterwards.

Thank you again for all your support and joining me on my rewatch!

-Dakota Wren

[bengiyo]

I Told Sunset About You Rewatch Ep 4 Stray Thoughts

Teh broke all of our hearts last time by bringing Oh to the edge and then running away. We made it through the most Skyline episode of the series, and now it's time to pick up the pieces.

Oh, Teh, you can't just go back to studying like normal after last night.

The gay experience of having the mother of the boy you love ask you to keep an eye on his heterosexual endeavors.

Oh-aew fascinates me. He is walking such a complicated line with Teh. He doesn't mind being discreet about their connection, but he does want some assurances that Teh is serious about him and reciprocal about these feelings. Oh was right to ask about Tarn, especially if Teh feels jealous of Bas.

These two convey so much of their angst even when they're just laying on floors or couches. Nothing worse for gay crisis than seeing your friends being happily hetero on socials.

Poor Tarn. She wore her sexiest bra today in the hopes that she would make progress with Teh.

Look at Tarn. Chest out. Purple blanket. Purple bra. And yet he still chose Oh's red.

Mhmm, this is what I have always said. Tarn had so many reasons to expect things from and invest in Teh. Things were said.

I like Tarn reminding Teh that she has things she really wants to focus on that he's been distracting her from only to waffle.

Truly, Billkin is so good at nervous pacing.

Look at Oh showing up deep in Teh's blue, only for Teh to be awkward and distant. My love for Oh's straightforwardness knows no bounds.

Oh asking Teh to reply to his messages is such sad foreshadowing about the future. He always asked Teh for completely reasonable things and Teh always read way too much into it.

I love their friends. They know instantly that something happened between Oh and Teh again.

There he go score peeking again.

Oh literally ran from that boy.

"You've never understood me. I'm hurt." Give PP all the awards, honestly. We're gonna have another conversation in the street in IPYTM like this that's going to hurt.

Teh 🤝 Saengtai - "Aren't my actions enough?" NO. YOU STAY CONFUSING PEOPLE!!

Teh's mom steadily foreshadowing the consequences of Teh prioritizing Oh over himself.

Oh is literally wearing a tattered blue shirt that says "THINGS I'LL NEVER SAY."

Lobby scene, my beloved.

Lol the back of Oh's shirt almost says SUSS.

The way so much happens in this scene with the way Oh chooses to move relative to Teh. You can feel Oh's frustration and yearning pouring off of him.

When Oh moves away from the kiss he almost initiated? Incredible acting.

The PP Ru He version of Skyline. Still undefeated.

There's just so much about this hug under the stairs. Oh is saying that he can understand that Teh needs time before they can do anything more public.

Float scene, my beloved. Poor PP had such a hard time filming this from all the fish nipping at him. He was shaking when they got him out of the water because he's afraid of fish.

Straight people will never get the underwater kiss back. Not after this scene. It belongs to the gays now and forever.

Love that Billkin and Smile nailed their kiss in one take. Meanwhile, he and PP had to practicing scuba diving to learn how to take in air so they could spend an entire afternoon filming this kiss.

Can you believe that they still managed to continue the narrative about Teh's feelings about boobs during this kiss? Like wtf? This kiss is not fluff! There are huge dramatic stakes here.

Of course these two can make buttoning a shirt feel intensely intimate after that moment.

Friends don't have the greatest underwater kiss ever, Teh.

"You feel it too? What did I do wrong? Why are you doing this?" Gays, cuddle pile at my place. If you grew up Knowing, you understand this scene.

"I think I'm not sure. One day, I'll stop feeling this way." No, but this is the primary gay fear about love. Also, why can guys like Teh only admit their feelings when they describe them as temporary?

These two went from the greatest kiss ever to one of the most painful breakups of all time. They have the range.

Skyline now? Really!?!

Oh, Teh. You really are such a little brother.

"Are you proud of me?" Right after Teh broke up with him on the premise that this was all temporary? Incredible. We all knew what this was. Someday I would love to see this whole scene. PP looks like he gave everything to that scene and we only got a snippet.

Oh, the bra scene. It's really something to see Oh crying on the floor because he can't be what Teh wants. It gets me every time.

I really like that the Yongjian failed masturbation scene occurs immediately next. We just do not get a break in this episode. This is very much the spiral.

And then we go to the final break up with Tarn scene. God, Teh really can be such an ass sometimes. I really hope Tarn found love later.

And now to Bas, my sweetest boy. He's correct that Oh can't give up on himself because of Teh.

Love the friends coming to see Teh off, and Bas has refused to wear his color. He's mean-mugging this man all the way for leaving Oh like this.

Really hate that Teh genuinely thinks he's helping Oh as he decides to give up his spot for him. He thinks he's keeping a promise.

It really is so awkward that Oh and Tarn had to talk about Teh, and it's timed so well for Teh to come back home and face the consequences of his choices.

Smile is so good, seriously. The panic and anger she's feeling is so intense.

Everyone is so good at ugly crying in this show.

Everything Tarn said is true and correct. Smile and Billkin did that in a single take.

I remember Boss talking about Billkin and Na getting stuck in character together in this scene, so he just grabbed Nat and the girlfriend and just threw them into the scene. Nat improvised this hug.

As if all of that wasn't enough, they prepared his new uniform for him as a gift, along with two semesters of tuition. Goddamn.

I feel bad for MoRaoYuLok, because they were never able to help Oh and Teh really.

Now, to the ugly IG fight. This part is just so difficult to watch.

Billkin hyperventilates if he cries too hard. This is much harder to watch since NiNi told me that fact.

And now he has no study materials. He literally gave it all to Oh.

How dare they end this on the Lost in Translation instrumental.

JFC I forgot how it's just one hit after another in this episode. It's almost an hour of losses starting from the hammock. So much of this episode is really just the fallout of Teh bailing at the end of episode 3 and just spiraling about it. Oh told him earlier. He never understood Oh, and now look at them.

Whew. I don't have time to finish tonight, but I probably shouldn't anyway.

[lost-in-yujikiri]

Alicization Rewatch ep 14

OK, I’m back! Sort of haha, I’m having exams in these few weeks T_T, but I’d definitely post more frequently now especially in Lunar New Year week, so look forward to more.

Today I’m only talking about one episode because while rewatching it I found that the aftermath of Deusolbert’s fight was dragged out for so long, especially the last 5 minutes. They could have speed things up by shorten the latter half while adding back the important Eugeo’s monologues that they always loved to cut that add a huge chunk of characterization to him in LN.

Remember in my last Rewatch post, I said Eugeo didn’t just stay there reading history books for fun? He actually has a more profound reason for it, which he narrated in LN before the boys fought Deusolbert Synthesis 7.

Eugeo has always been plagued by guilt since he was a kid, but it’s not just about Alice’s arrest and being taken away from him. Eugeo’s family is made of poor barley farmers, but his original Calling was cutting the Gigas Cedar, a task that would take more than his whole life to fulfill.

Calling is not something anyone can choose for themselves, but his family shunned him for not being able to help on the farm, and most of his salary went to his father Orick instead, thus Eugeo was stuck with eating stale bread and wearing torn shoes everyday.

Eugeo’s family in Alicization manga, which is the only image they have in any adaptation so far

If Kirito had never come and found the idea to cut down the Gigas Cedar with Blue Rose Sword after both boys raised their Authority Levels during the goblin fight, his life would be stuck with it forever.

When Eugeo left the village with Kirito, his family of course wouldn’t receive any more salary from Eugeo's labor, so they were openly disappointed with him even though he fulfilled a huge feat his village has always dreamt of (sorry for my crude personal opinion, but Eugeo’s family are pretty much assholes all around, even when Eugeo tried to paint them in a better light in his monologues). But Eugeo still thought it’s his fault so he decided that he’d become an Integrity Knight to one day compensate more money for his family.

But after what happened with Raios & Humbert, both Eugeo and Kirito became criminals, the village and his family would shun them away even harder (like you guys can see what happened to Alice S30 in WoU ep 1-2), all Eugeo’s plan to become Integrity Knight to help his family became meaningless.

From then Eugeo saw himself straying away from the righteous path. He thought of himself as a monster. He read many history books in Cardinal’s library to see if there are any other people like him who have committed crimes and could go back to their families unchanged. No such records exist. He can no longer go back to live a normal life, only a bloody path ahead. Eugeo mentally broke down and he would curve himself into a ball and cry if Kirito didn’t find him before then.

In his mind, his goal of taking Alice back to her family still didn’t change, he’d do anything for it to go smoothly. But for himself, he’d wanted Kirito, the black-haired boy walking in front of him to be his partner for all their hardships ahead. He’d even ask Kirito to flee and live in the Dark Territory with him if they ever achieved their goals.

There was no place he could live after his many sins anymore, except for the horrifying Dark Territory beyond the End Mountains. But even that was a price worth paying if it meant Alice could go back home and live in happiness again. Eugeo watched Kirito walk before him, turning over this secret determination in his head. If I said I was going to the Dark Territory, would you come with me…?

LN Excerpt: Sword Art Online Volume 12 Chapter 8 part 1

After the fight with Deusolbert, while Kirito could see the Integrity Knights as poor beings whose memories were blocked and manipulated, Eugeo still viewed the Axiom Church as a wicked being and the Integrity Knights as a huge farce who had indirectly caused despair to their citizens and yet they all forgot about all their shady missions under Administrator’s orders, so they aren’t worthy of calling themselves justice defenders. That’s why Eugeo was so angry during his fights with Deusolbert (& Fanatio later), because he couldn’t accept their existence.

After it all, Kirito still bantered with Eugeo a lot like the old school days as a way to help ease his tension down, and assured Eugeo that everything was still fine. The silly banters the boys shared unfortunately have been changed into a very bland and dragged out version in the anime which shows none of their dorky character, so I post their original banters here:

Just then, Kirito came to a sudden stop on the staircase landing just ahead. He turned back, face dead serious, and said, “Hey, Eugeo………What floor are we on now…?” “Um…well,” Eugeo said, wobbling a bit. He sighed, shook his head, and slumped his shoulders all at the same time. “Next one’s the twenty-ninth floor. I’m going to assume you were at least counting at the start.” “Well, you’d think they would have floor number displays along the way. I mean, it’s just common sense.” “I agree, but you should have noticed before this!” Eugeo scolded, but Kirito merely brushed it off and rested his back against the landing wall.

“Man, I’m getting hungry…” “…I agree with you there.” Eugeo thrust out his hand and demanded, “So hand over one of the ones you’ve got in your pockets.” “Uh…but…I was saving them for emergencies…Man, you’re greedier than I thought.” “You thought I wouldn’t notice how much you stuffed in there?” Kirito gave up and slipped his right hand into his pants pocket, then pulled out two steamed buns and handed one to Eugeo. The smell of it was still strong enough to stimulate his appetite, even though they’d left the library long ago. “That flame attack kinda charred it a bit.” “Ha-ha…I see. Thanks, man.” Cardinal had generated the steamed bun out of some precious old tome’s pages using her high-level sacred arts, a fact that Eugeo had to ignore as he bit into the treat. The crispy, burned outside gave way to juicy meat on the inside, which he savored rapturously. In less than a minute, their little lunch was over, and Eugeo licked his fingers in satisfaction. Kirito’s other pocket was still bulging suspiciously, but Eugeo was happy enough to let it go for now.

LN excerpts: Sword Art Online Volume 12, Chapter 8 Part 2

I’ll will speak more about Eugeo’s continuous character development that anime hasn’t emphasized very well in next week’s Rewatch post.

[thedogsled]

You seem to be having a not a great day today, so here's a light-hearted ask. I'm having a good day, curled up in pjs with cuddly pets watching Leverage with my sister. Leverage is one of my favorite shows, because it's smart and fun and has great characters that grow over the seasons. Besides Supernatural, what's a show you really enjoy and why?

Thank you so much for the ask! I’m sorry I didn’t reply to it sooner, I’ve come down with a head cold and this is really the first day in several I’ve been able to compose more than a tweet about how much it sucks (swallowing = a knife jammed right into my inner ear, it’s super fun). But I did want to answer your question so I’ve been musing on it since your ask came in.

If it was just “what’s your favorite show right now” it’d be an easy answer: The Boys. The Boys, back to front, front to back, upside down and inside out. The first season was fantastic, and it felt like it woke me up to being excited about TV again after my interest in The Walking Dead waned mid-season. Everything new has seemed very plastic recently, and even The Mandalorian, which is super cool, is kind of like the Cartoon Network dub of Dragonball Z, so Disneyfied in its bloodlessness that although I’m enjoying it it feels even more synthetic as a result. The Boys was the opposite of that, and also just whoever invented Karl Urban, period, just deserves a nobel prize for that masterpiece. He pronounces twat wrong (okay okay it’s a dialect thing) but you can’t have everything =D

So instead (and because it’s cheating that I can pimp The Boys and wax lyrical about loves of old) I interpret your question as sort of like “Which show is your comfort food?” Which show do I go back to when I’m feeling like TV needs to give me a cuddle. I had a good think about it, because there’s a few…

(aside: I shouldn’t have put that gif in before I started writing. ahem.)

There’s been a few over the years, for sure. As a thirteen year old I used to watch and rewatch Buffy episodes, mostly season 2 (baby Spike!). At eighteen, it was old VHS of Deep Space Nine, my favorite ep was “Wrongs Darker Than Death or Night” which I watched repeatedly and think about constantly even today. 

But the show I keep coming back to is due South.

This post is a long post, it also deals with discourse (because my relationship to entertainment is so often mired in it, so please don’t proceed if you’re rather avoid it) and this is where it begins:

Okay, so fun fact: I watched due South the first time it aired with my parents (I was about 9) and then when it was on TV again as a repeat, I recorded it on VHS by RUSHING home every single day from school with nothing else on my mind but sitting on the floor two feet from the telly to watch it. Quantum Leap was on right after, and I had an entire different set of VHS tapes to record that on, so had to quickly switch between them. I’d stop recording at every break so that I could get more episodes on a tape. It’s not unsurprising to me now that both shows vibed with me as a young person who hadn’t yet really accepted that she was queer; due South’s main character is coded as Other both to the Americans whom he lives with, and his fellow Canadians, while Quantum Leap explores a straight white man jumping into the lives of Others, and living through them some of the hardest moments in their lives. Even though both keep it exceedingly, textually hetero, one has two men riding off into the snowy sunset together (leaving behind a straight lover to do so) and the other features a love between two men that in the original framing of the finale would have seen God/fate reconnecting the two of them even though one was lost in time, and the partner’s wife begging him to go.)

Of course young me didn’t give a shit about that, or didn’t realize that’s what she cared about. Young me loved the buddy-cop partnership of both shows. Young me liked the half-wolf, and the episodes where they ride horses, and honestly just waiting with bated breath to find out where Sam would jump to this time. “Oh boy!” Retrospectively, these shows (especially QL) are a lot more oh boy in a yikes context now than they used to be, but it’s good that shows age into yikes territory because it means that society is steadily advancing. Particularly, pointing out that these shows both feature white straight guys like…welcome to the nineties.

I was introduced to queer coding in part by watching due South. The show is laden with it. With writers, actors, and ultimately an executive producer who was all three, it makes you wonder if they would have gone there if they could; certainly the ending reads that way. They couldn’t, of course, because it was the nineties (and it was CBS that revived it after enormous international fan demand). Still, there was just nothing else analogous to what we have now that was going there on TV at the time. If you were queer (or discovering your queerness) then watching the show meant everything, as it did to me. So I snuggle up on the couch often these days and go back to that, because it gave me such joy, and because I was left with the opportunity to decide for myself how deep the relationship was. There was no promise of anything, because the context at the time was of course you can’t go there, nobody can go there. Queerbaiting was a word that simply hadn’t been breathed. There was no intent, no companies behind the curtain pulling strings going “Yes, make it more gay, we want those queer dollars”, just invested people slipping what they could past the studio censors.

Like this:

Sigh. A less enlightened time. =P (Incidentally fun meta here but this was after a conversation where Ray suggested that communication in a relationship should be intuitive, like breathing.)

So I guess in part I escape back there because none of that representation was ever as loaded as it is today. It doesn’t require me to judge it, or weigh it against the harm it does - because the politics of the time meant I thought it was doing good (retrospectively, and only through the lens of someone who had nothing to lose). It seemed to scream out into an unyielding universe to force it to move. It did a fraction of that, because of course it did. It was the nineties. It stole indigenous narratives and romanticized colonialism just as much as it beat the drum of environmentalism and kicked at the doors of corporate greed and racism. Old shows are inherently problematic. Today’s shows are too. Being able to examine them doesn’t mean not loving them, but it lets you say “Okay, so what do I expect from the things I watch today? What do I expect from the things I watch in five years time?”

All that aside, the show is just damn good. It’s watchable and rewatchable. It struggles to age because it was already so out of pace with the age it was made in–despite its flaws in representation, it was better than other shows at the time that demonized, tokenized, or outright killed minorities to push white narratives on their own shows (Kendra being murdered on Buffy, for example). It’s standalone enough that you can go back and watch any episode you like because overarching story arcs were way less of a staple as they are today.  It’s witty, fast paced, full of action and moral dilemma, do gooding and the consequences of it. Although still severely unbalanced, and very, very white, it did still have indigenous actors playing indigenous characters, and minorities portrayed in stories about them. There’s a dog. There’s classic cars. And it’s all put to the soundtrack of Canadian bands and singers. 

tl;dr ahead for rambling about subtext and being a disaster queer, but please scroll past for more gifs.

Queer me needed this show, in a world where I’d been taught to look and see myself in straight white male protagonists, it felt like A Lot to see all this on screen. It wasn’t, but it was all I got when I was growing up. I envy the good fortune of kids who can see themselves on screen these days while they try and figure themselves out (and hopefully more so in the future) with far less of having to negotiate through the confusion of looking at it through confusing fractals of different lenses and instead just see someone who looks like them showing them that their POV is normal, heroic and wonderful. Those lenses fucked me up big time. Like I’m not even sure right now what flavor of queer I am. I cling to bi like a lifeline of sense in my life, but it is complicated because I overwhelmingly desire the company of women way way more. But also I was was taught to look through the lens of a white dude in order to see myself universally, taught to be both desirous of the female body and humiliated by it, ashamed by sex, taught men were awful, and taught that I was supposed to marry one anyway. I look at my sexuality/romanticism like it’s a meta puzzle that I haven’t figured out yet, wondering how to put it on paper, how to break apart the different influences I experienced as a youngling and as an adult to try and negotiate if I’m misreading my own impulses. How I was brought up, who I’ve known, the relationships I’ve experienced and seen in real life and on TV. I’m 34 and I’m still no more certain. Subtext is both my friend and my enemy. I hate it, and I owe everything to it.

So when I need a rest from giving a shit about any of that noise, I go back to my comfort food. I go right back to subtext, which gave me the tools I needed to desire romance that wasn’t heterosexual, that somehow was more intimate because it relied on longing stares and never stepping foot out of the closet, that was just someone liking another person without any expectation of sex just because they have opposing genitals, and their colleagues hassle them a lot. There’s nothing wrong with the sex, I write a lot of consommation of the feelings that I see bubbling under the surface. I have even grown to appreciate het romance when it’s done in a way that doesn’t reduce the woman to a love interest–I was thrilled when Simon Baker’s Patrick Jane got together with Teresa Lisbon in The Mentalist. Their relationship was filled with subtext too. Subtext isn’t a queer thing, it has a role in all well written romance. Hell, it has a role in terriblebad tropey misogynistic romance, too. And just you know basically all storytelling (and more). 

Queer romance existing only in the subtext, though? It’s heartbreaking explicitly because it feels like a story that isn’t finished, and that’s where subtext reliant shows can hand off the story to be finished by fandom itself. In due South, as I mentioned before, Ray and Fraser jump into a dogsled and ride off over the snowy horizon to “Find the hand of Franklin, reaching for the Beaufort sea”. It’s where I chose my meta name, as I’ve mentioned before, because that ending - that ending - handed us all the subtext so far and said “Here, take it, it’s yours now. Do with it what you like”–and we did. But that was twenty years ago. I loved that ending (I still think it was a very elegant solution) and it was expected and appropriate for a show that in itself is a “Faves Are Problematic” show, but that’s also why I get so passionate about discussing the subtext in Supernatural.

It’s younger than due South. While it may have begun back when Willow from Buffy had her first girlfriend, it is ending now, not at the turn of the century where a dogsled was still good enough to get the point across and none of us had Twitter. My own experiences, my lifelong queer confusion make it so I feel pretty damn bad for people trying to use Supernatural as a medium for their own self-exploration, using characters from SPN as their lenses. A show these days that makes bank on those tropes and doesn’t inform its audience (positively or negatively) is doing so irresponsibly because of the modern context in which the show presently (not historically) sits, and the increasing awareness of the issues surrounding it. Networks, then, are ultimately responsible for that, but they are in a way which is entirely different and far more directly culpable than they were 20 years ago, because people are out there making money out of those intentional subtextual devices. They chose to do it; took a deep breath and backed right up away from Gamble’s problematic queerbashing tropes, chewed it over, then hired gay writers and dived right back in with more grown up, progressive, and less shitty subtext–but still subtext. 

This show that ended 20 years ago was able to cross way more lines with subtext in one episode than Supernatural has done sometimes in an entire season. It did so despite and because of it’s international audience, on a conservative network that would late purchase Paramount, and Star Trek, and ended with a powerfully subtextual ending. Supernatural, of course, is under a far more powerful microscope from the bigots than those oblivious to subtext back in the 90s could have ever produced. due South, like SPN was just “wholesome family entertainment” to a conservative audience that was completely oblivious by all accounts, yet was laden heavily with queer innuendo. It was also blissfully short, and existed in a social media world which consisted of Yahoo groups and not much else. 

In modern context, Supernatural gets a fox in the henhouse treatment from that same audience, and acts accordingly (when it’s not using that same subtext to deliver earnest Fuck You’s to that audience). While I expect Supernatural to bravely - even considering this scrutiny - deliver a dogsled subtextual ending on a good day, there are bad days, too, because the queer subtext has been underlined so loudly that everyone can see it, because it’s “practically text”, because the bottom line is increasingly more concerned with satisfying those bigots (even while they mock them), and because queer fans are “too loud” about what they want. How dare they. /s The pushback caused by being loud about things you care about, the bigots actually seeing subtext in front of their noses, isn’t bad because now they know what we’ve been doing all along, and we won’t be able to get away with it any more; it means they’re becoming more aware of narratives other than their own. Yes, some people will push back, but “when you’re accustomed to privilege, equality feels like oppression”, and they can shove it right up their asses.

All I ever ask of myself when I interrogate my present day viewing experience, is this: when I sat as a youngster watching due South thinking “This subtextual ending is enough for me”, did I truly believe it was okay to be watching a show about two white guys with a subtextual ending 20 years later? Was that the future I dreamed of and aspired to? Would I be disappointed? The answer is yes, I am disappointed. No matter the whys, the fundamental and societal reasons–I am disappointed. I still love the show probably more than I should, but I am disappointed in the society it sits in - which is increasingly capitulating to far more powerful global financial powers than a couple of red state homophobes - and I’m disappointed in the way we’re treating each other for even caring, and I’m disappointed in myself, too, for being naive and imagining we would be much further down this road now than we are. But we are a capitalistic society, and being both the commodity and the customer should be a surprise to literally nobody at this point. It doesn’t mean you have to like it.

And if you don’t feel that way, that’s okay. We all come from different places. We have different perspectives. We need and want different things, for different reasons, and find joy in different things for different reasons. Variety of opinion is as much a wonderful thing as it is completely terrifying.

I’ve wandered somewhat off topic, so I’m going to go back to the show I love, my chocolate pudding and custard comfort food TV show, and the long stares and the beautiful uncomplicated subtext.

And sign off with half a dozen gifs.

Eye fucking:

Conversations in closets and bathrooms:

Going down with the ship

Intuitively understanding each other without a word spoken

His hobbies humiliate me in public

“Do you find me attractive?”

Sulking in the corridor while you reunite with your ex

This whole ep with original Ray:

And his wolf approving of both

Not pictured “I love you” “And I you”, “Get out of the closet”, actual hand holding when it’s unnecessary, formally handcuffing your buddy, getting stuck in an ice crevasse and a mini submarine together–and so so much more. I invite you to watch the show if you can find it (I have it on a really nice set of DVDs, but there’s some dodgy ones out there that look like they recorded the DVD straight off a VHS, so do check reviews) or else try and find it online. There was a Canada promoting YouTube channel which published both due South and shows like Slings and Arrows, which I recommend as well (It’s not actually bury your gays if the ghost of your gay best friend haunts you, right?) so you should be able to poke around and find a legit copy somewhere. I’ve bigged it up and talked it down, and wandered a long way off topic (that describes my relationship with every show, but especially when I recommend them) but I hope somewhere along the line I also answered the question. The way I hear it Leverage is a similar sort of comfort food, though I haven’t seen it. Sounds like I should put it on my To Watch list.

[spaceymcspaceship]

day 16

twice upon a time

circa 1986

listen this one was hard to place because the action is evenly split among 1914, the future, and the setting of that OG ep where doc #1 regenerates 

on the tardis data core wiki the setting was listed as 1986 and it took me some searching to figure out where they got that from bc it’s never said in the ep

oh well it seems to fit here

the first regeneration in this rewatch order though!!

i truly love most things about this episode

i really actually like 12 having to be like stop talking every time OG doc is being sexist esp bc i really like the self awareness in the face of some things even nuwho docs have said

bill!!! god i’m so glad she got this coda 

you can’t die you don’t have the concentration or whatever she says lol

and i mean just starting from the armistice all the way to the end i’m crying!!

capaldi just fucking killed it 

his advice leads so clearly into 13 and those two r currently my favorites docs 

and just the doctor is so tired and doesn’t want to live another life but he gives in and does and his reward

is getting to be jodie fuckign whittaker 

hopeful and energetic and getting yeeted out of the tardis

gonna go have a good cry now

father’s day

circa 1987

well now i’m still crying

god i love rose so much

like yes she messes up but it’s so understandable and she’s so understandable and just god

and just again with the ordinary

with the doc being like i’ve never had a life like that of course i’ll try and save you

i’m just gonna keep crying now!!

listen

circa mid-1990s

and also 2014 and also the far future and also gallifrey in some year

this is one of those that didn’t make sense anywhere really

like it could’ve been in just the normal 12 present era but he’s got a lot so i put it here

this ep is all over the place but just

FEAR IS A SUPERPOWER

ugh i love it so much

also i agree with others the doc crying under the covers afraid hits differently now 

also i’d never noticed clara’s heels until now goddamn clara

the eleventh hour

circa 1996

okay so technically i think most of this takes place in 2008? i stuck it here to distribute 11 eps a much as possible but i think it would work nicely in 2008 anyway bc then it’d break up a long 10 stretch

whatever first 11 ep!

young amy is precious

again smith killing it even though he is also so baby

lots of small parallels to 13′s intro ep so it’s time to go fishing in the tags after this

olivia colman!!! yeah she definitely could’ve been used better U HAVE NOW ACADEMY AWARD WINNER OLIVIA COLMAN

rory is also precious in this ep he’s just like...why...what...who....

so in the timeless children i knew the flashing of past docs and adventures was something that had been done before

but this ep was the second TODAY to do that 

so yeah that’s definitely now a dw trademark

okay one more 11 ep and then we’re to present day eps by doctor!!!

[sailor-cresselia]

The Great Ex-Aid Rewatch: Ep 09

Oh no. This took ages to write. I planned to get two episodes down in this update, but nope.

Episode 09 OP update: the shot of the four riders lined up from episode one’s cold open was replaced with them transforming into level 3.

–––

…For all that Hiiro goes on about not taking unnecessary risks, he’s kind of terrible at following his own advice. The bugster hasn’t emerged from Secretary Hinata yet, so he’s just going to make it come out – shoving Emu to the ground in the process. This isn’t even Emu’s clumsiness in play; Hiiro actually shoved him. But since someone rushed the process, they’re all caught completely unaware when the bugster ‘union’ starts differently than usual.

Maybe if he had waited just a few moments, he could. You know. Find out that the symptoms were the same as the readings that they got off of Graphite.

Just saying, Hiiro.

This is the first time that there wasn’t any sort of bugster union, too. The dragon just straight up separated completely. Even Graphite was implied to have formed from a union – Taiga was surprised that the bugster separated from Saki back when all that went down.

–––

…oh my Gaim.

I just thought of something. Gamedeus Cronus was technically an overpowered bugster union, right?

Could… could Emu and Parad as the OG Genius Gamer M have been considered a Union?

Okay that got a little off topic there, back to the show.

–––

...Graphite, I have a couple comments for you.

One, I can’t believe you didn’t catch that Kuroto was tempting you into taking the proto gashat.

Two, please stop looking like you’re enjoying the blatant pain you’re in when you shove that thing into your chest.

Three, did your base character have a habit of shoving power sources into his chest? Because you do that a lot, and it’s a little concerning.

–––

Here’s the thing about Parad and his not being worried about Graphite here. We later find out that he knew all along that since Graphite was complete, he could come back at any point, even though Graphite didn’t know that.

Which raises the question, which will never be answered, of just how Parad knew that when Kuroto didn’t, but oh well.

So, when Parad hears that they just need the battle data for Drago Knight to complete phase one, he smiles.

In a far more menacing manner than when he was gushing about how ‘terrifying’ Kuroto was just a few moments ago.

–––

Back on the battlefield, Hiiro is focused entirely on defeating Graphite to avenge Saki. He didn’t even know that Secretary Hinata was infected specifically with the Drago Knight strain until Graphite showed up, because he didn’t take the time to get any information on the situation before leaping into battle. But Graphite showed his face, and oh no, Hiiro is not having him around.

Emu, meanwhile, is focusing on the actually time-critical task of. You know. Defeating the dragon that emerged from Doctor Kyotaro. Because he’s keeping his cool way better than the supposedly level headed surgeon.

–––

Taiga you can’t just hide out in the sitting room in front of the CEO’s office, that’s rude. Thanks for the reminder that that’s the tenth gashat, though.

–––

Emu rightfully calls Hiiro out on his recklessness. For the genius surgeon to act without any knowledge of the situation is a bad sign for his judgement and objectiveness. And yeah, Hiiro’s right that Emu’s getting a little too personal in this case, but that’s kind of who Emu is, and he does have a genuine personal involvement in this case, but the point stands. Hiiro got distracted, and really was just fighting for revenge there. The intern is being more logical than the surgeon.

One is fighting for someone who’s already gone, and the other for someone who is still here.

Nobody is truly objective here, but… well, Emu’s priorites may be strained and a little off balance, but they’re still more in order than Hiiro’s.

…Ah. Interesting.

When Emu say’s that he’ll show them that it doesn’t matter if it’s a four player gashat or not, that he’ll show them he can clear it? He’s still using ‘boku’.

This is entirely Emu speaking.

–––

At least Hiiro seems to have realized that he was being irrational.

And then proceeds to ‘confront’ the director about the compatibility surgery. Apparently Hiiro had it performed 5 years ago – which doesn’t seem right to me, since he was still a student then, but fine. Excite and RTA both seem to agree that’s what was being said, so. Fine. I still don’t think he’s actually been using a driver that long, though.

I also still think there’s got to be more to it than ‘introducing a sample of the Bugster Virus to produce antibodies’, but since canon never elaborates any more than that… fine. Whatever.

Hiiro asks why Emu doesn’t know what Taiga was talking about the other day with ‘what it means to be a compatible user,’ and yet is still somehow surprised when the director says that Emu hasn’t had the surgery.

–––

Kiriya. Kiriya this is not the way to earn someone’s trust.

You do not go around saying that someone died in order to get their medical records.

Or, well, you’re not supposed to. I know you only have so many avenues for information gathering, but really.

I somehow doubt you ever corrected this bit of misinformation in the three weeks between this and Christmas.

But still… well, it does look a little suspicious. A person who isn’t supposed to be able to transform can, and only has one surgery on his record. Which does happen to imply that the compatibility surgeries for the others are on their medical records, but that’s just an aside thought. And when the person who performed the single operation is the one in charge of the department that uses the compatibility surgery…

Well. It does make sense that Kiriya would be willing to doubt the secretary.

–––

Asuna’s right to point out that Emu’s acting strange. He’s being hasty – less so than Hiiro was earlier, but he is still running off on his own a lot. He’s so desperate to prove himself, to prove that he can be a good doctor, that he’s losing track of quite how to do that.

I don’t think he’s forgetting how dangerous this is – even though he doesn’t quite have the proof of how fatal it can be for the riders. Not for another few weeks.

But he wants to prove himself so badly that i’m not sure he entirely cares at the moment.

Even when he’s saying that he can’t lose at games, when he’s saying that he’s the only one who can perform this operation… he’s getting cocky.

But Emu is still using ‘boku.’

–––

Seeing this many people collapsing is scary. I’m sure it must be even worse for the people with no context, for the civilians – from their perspective, there is no cause. Emu knows… and. Ah. Interesting.  Every now and then, when he’s out trying to figure out where Graphite is going to strike, they play that ringing sound that they usually use for certain types of bugster headaches. The bell-like one, not the static-y screeching.

–––

Emu didn’t use ‘ore’ up until on the roof with Graphite, when he triggers the gashat.

Basically, aggressive Emu isn’t always M, or his acting more like when he was M isn’t always because Parad’s exerting a little bit more influence.

I don’t think that Parad’s even putting that much into Emu/M/Kamen Rider Ex-Aid, honestly. Just using enough of his control over the bugster virus to keep Emu transformed, to keep him from getting hurt by it. Maybe a little extra, to keep him more coordinated.

(Also, I high-key think that by the end of the series, Emu’s less clumsy because he started subconsciously adopting some of his movement patterns as Ex-Aid into his normal life. Just picked up that little extra sense of balance, now that he’s experienced it. He just doesn’t even notice he’s doing it.)

...okay, yeah, the transformation cutscenes are absolutely happening when they’re shown, because Ex-Aid just transitioned straight from his level two upgrade sequence. Like, he went through the usual spiel of bouncing, and then descended, with the background dissolving into pixels as he landed back on the roof, fading between the pink space and reality.

–––

See, this is what Emu gets like when he’s frustrated. He gets sloppy, and rushes, and turns cold. he’s never been this selfish in his desire to save people.

I kind of think he feels he has to be the one to do this not just because the other three riders are a tad… unreliable. Not just because he wants to prove that he can be a doctor. But because he wants to prove that it was worth it 16 years ago.

For the record, even if we run with the novel backstory, I don’t think Emu was actively trying to… well. I figure he just… didn’t really care. He was 8, and lonely, and in pain – both from the growing virus and from just being alone all the time. He just sort of… didn’t really think.

But I also think that he isn’t always sure that his still being here is worth it. Not when he’s struggling to get even just a scrap of respect from his alleged peers, and from his patients. And now he has a chance to prove that it was worth the effort, that he does have value, despite being told over and over that he shouldn’t be a rider, that he fails as a doctor.

Parad looks awfully disappointed in how sloppy Emu’s being today.

And even though Emu’s not in a good place right now, he’s still showing some great tactics, even if he’s being a jerk about it. Grabbing Hiiro’s sword – which was already prepped for a finisher – and using it to make a path to the dragon is inspired. We’ve seen that the ice mode can make a trail on the ground, but never a ramp before. And using that to both get in range and hold the dragon still? Clever. Especially since the only one there who could have gotten close up until now was Taiga, because Jet Combat. Emu and Hiiro only have close range attacks right now, and even if they had their level three forms available, the attacks still wouldn’t be able to keep up with the flight and distance. We saw that in the fight against Taiga just last episode.

Emu manages to get the dragon armor… but he can’t control it.

It doesn’t even look like Emu’s ‘home’ right now, as the armor just sort of… takes over, causing him to attack indiscriminately, with no tactics at all, just flailing and throwing energy everywhere. it’s strong enough to knock Graphite down, yes, but the transformation sparks out almost immediately after. He was at half health when it force ejected. Usually that doesn’t happen until their on their last reserves.

–––

So, that’s episode 9 recapped and theorized! I have to say, I’m having fun doing this. Doing a rewatch-live-blog is interesting. I’m not stuck speculating on events that may or may not be cancelled out the next week like I am with Zi-O. I get to go off on whatever tangent I find relevant, which can lead to new realizations about, say, Emu and Parad occasionally functioning like the Union forms. (Which is a thought that I am not actually completely okay with having come up with, but it sure is one I thought of.)

[annakie]

I made it, and now there's no turning back

Hey, so, this is about to be a very long, spammy post about Critical Role season 1.  This is mostly for my own memory, so in the future when I want to revisit watching the show, I'll have my own log, of sorts.  It's really long.  And a lot of it is my chatlogs about the show with @janiemcpants , posted with her permission.   So if you hate reading other people's chatlogs, this may not be the post for you.

But if you wanna read a lot of words about a show where some nerdy-ass voice actors play Dungeons and Dragons, this may be the post for you.

Also, for unknown reasons, I’ve had Jimmy Eat World’s song “Cut” stuck in my head the last couple of days, and it’s basically all I’ve listened to today.  The words don’t really fit my emotions, but the overall feeling the song gives me does.  So that’s where my head is.  

I said some of this an a post I made a few weeks ago, but I’m saying it again now.  Ever since I heard of it, I was pretty sure I’d love Critical Role if I could get into it.  And so for two years I meant to catch up.  

I’ve played Dungeons and Dragons since the late 90′s, second edition, and have been in epic campaigns of my own before where I fell in love with not only my character but our entire party.  I love this party just as much as I’ve loved Annotea, Sekhar, Ike, Ta’Rik, Annwyl, Krivken, Liek, Colin, E’a and Rhyz.

I have looked for a post I made like a year and a half ago asking for help figuring out how to get into Critical Role on my blog a few times but either I tagged it badly or deleted it.  I don't know.  I remember some people said to start at episode 19. Some people said to use it as background sound when cleaning / cooking / driving etc.  I knew I didn't want to start midway through the part of the story we had, I was disappointed to learn they were already 8th level and we'd missed like two years of story before the show.

I have a post from June 2016 saying I'd made it an hour into the first episode, but I think I finished that ep, or got close, and didn't pick it back up for like, another year.  I think it was like mid-summer last year when I made my second push to get into it.  

I made it through like eight episodes, and I remember having episode 8 up in a web browser for weeks or a couple of months and things were just so crazy with everything happening with work at the end of the year.  And I only watched it as background noise at work.  I'd frequently realize I had no idea what was going on, and through like the first 30 or 40 episodes I'd find some kind of recap to read at the end of the episode to make sure I didn't miss anything important.

Here's some negativity, so skip it if you'd like: It took me a very long time to get through like episode 10 to 27 because long before I learned all the things that happened since he left, I couldn't stand Orion.  I've looked into it a bit and basically for all the normal reasons people didn't like him.  I respect that some people did, but being honest here, if he'd have stayed on the show, I probably would have stopped watching.  Around episode 20 I learned that he'd leave soon, and dragged myself through the rest of the episodes until he was gone.  And then, it was much easier to get into.

The first half of this year my job went from crazy drama to just plain boring.  I really didn't have much to do, and everyone knew I was just biding time until it was time to go.  So I'd watch like half the day sometimes, often while doing what work I did have to do.  But often that work was like, wiping laptops or organizing keys or just... busywork.  But CR made the days pass quicker, and it was enjoyable.

The Feels apparently really started on 3/09 when I sent this to JanieMcPants: Grog winning his second solo battle with the orc JUST BARELY thanks to Scanlan's sneaky inspiration is my new favorite moment in the show.

This would begin a very long chatlog of me just yelling feelings at her.  After this, my current comments are italicized. 

---------- 03/10/2018 janiemcpants: That whole episode is SPECTACULAR Did you finish it? I don't want to spoil anything if not!

annakie: I did, I got to the part in the next episode where Percy finally confessed a bit of what is going on with his life since they're back home and have been invited to some feast.  Still pretty early on in that ep, work got crazy yesterday. :)

---------- 03/23/2018 annakie: Man, I'm on ep 26 now (I watch in bits and bursts as I have time at work, it's real slow going) and I have to say, (I deleted some negativity about Orion here).  EVERYTHING ELSE IS GREAT though. I'm really enjoying everyone else and their characters.  The episode with the dinner at the Briarwood's was AMAZING especially and I'm so worried about Percy.  I was almost in tears as Liam was talking about him thinking about Keyleth and Vex when Vax was going unconscious and thought he was going to die.  That was so, so good.

BTW did I just miss it all this time that Vax has a thing for Keyleth?  Like I didn't notice it at all until that moment he was going unconscious and now it's obvious.

janiemcpants: Vax’s last thoughts about Vex and Keyleth KILLED. ME. That was also the first time I realized he was into Keyleth, and I think it was the first time any of the others realized it, judging by their faces. Liam did say later that he already was aware of it when the show started, and he dropped a few hints before he outright said it. I’m listening to the podcast right now from the beginning and there are some little things there that you can pick up if you’re looking for them, but nothing that would have given it away, I don’t think. So it was a fun surprise for everybody. (Vax and Keyleth are one of my favorite pairings on the show. I just love them.) This arc is THE BEST and so intense. So much suffering, but also so much goodness!

(We chatted more for awhile about Percy, and the cow episode (Very fun!) )

---------- 04/12/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SO MUCH IS HAPPENING CASSANDRA IS ALIVE AND VAX IS KISSING KEYLETH. This is so good.  SO GOOD.

janiemcpants: I didn't see that kiss coming AT ALL It was SUCH A DELIGHTFUL SURPRISE And Percy gets one sibling back, MY HEART

---------- 05/02/2018 annakie: I've been studying a lot and haven't had a lot of time for CritRole but I watched some today like the END OF THE BRIARWOODS HECK YEAH and Cassandra is good again, and then VAX TRYING TO HOLD KEYLETH'S HAND ON THE TREE and she didn't know how to respond she's so awkward and unsure and needs time to figure it out. I was sitting there just staring at the screen instead of working for like 20 minutes during that part haha. 

And I watched the winter fair episode with Trinket winning the pie eating contest and Grog losing arm wrestling to Trish the Dish and that was GREAT.  I stopped like right after Matt had Tiberius leave the party for good.  It was a very good day of very awesome CritRole at work. :)

janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax just KILL ME. It's such a slow burn until suddenly STUFF HAPPENS and then it slows down again and pulls at my heartstrings the entire time.

---------- 05/17/2018 annakie: "I don't want to be alone tonight."

"I haven't wanted to be alone most nights..."  And I let him in. THE SHIP HAS SAILED.  YAY!! :D

annakie: Haha aww Marisha switched seats so she could be closer to Liam, that's sweet.

lol of COURSE the VERY NEXT DAY they see Kashaw again. And Will sits on the other side of Marisha... that's great.

janiemcpants Yay!!! They’re the slowest of slow burns but it’s so worth it. Liam and Marisha manage to be adorable even when they’re seated far away from each other. And yay to Kashaw coming back! I had mixed feelings about him at first, because the second Trial of the Take group had a blend of personalities that was tough to work with, and he got lost in the sea of grouchiness. But he ended up being great and every time he comes back I love him more.

(I'd grow to feel the same way about Kashaw.)

---------- 05/29/2018 annakie: Episode 44 - Oh my gosh, there was a beholder fight AND NOW VEX IS DEAD WHAT IS HAPPENING? And yeah, I think Kashaw is definitely more stand-out-y here, I'm really enjoying his character here. :)

annakie Keyleth: "Why did you do that?  Kashaw: "Because I knew you wanted me to."  D'awwww....

janiemcpants: AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH Vex’s death there kills me extra because it comes AFTER they win the fight! Everything is supposed to be okay, and then NOPE. THANK GOODNESS Kash was there. They're so lucky he happened to be their guest that night!

I mean, they probably could have come up with another way to save her, but being able to do it right away was a relief. And it was a great character moment for him

--------- 6/15/2018 I made this post, and I was at episode 49.

----------

A lot happened, and I didn't yell about it much of anywhere. I don't know how I let 20 episodes go by without reacting much to them, especially when SO MUCH HAPPENED in there. Right about when the Chroma Conclave hit, I knew I was sucked in, completely.  

But in a month and a half I made it through 14 episodes.  Near the end of July, things started happening very quickly.  

---------- 07/27/2018 annakie: I'm on episode 63 now and I just realized today I'm JUST BARELY over halfway through this campaign. Which makes me both happy and not, haha.

Woah Tiberius.  This actually sad. :(

That was really rough and I cried a little.

janiemcpants: TIBS That was so sad All of it was, but "I encourage peace" really got me And when I rewatched it and realize that's what Percy's DM whisper was about, and you can see it on his face and then he has to sit on it for like 20 minutes AUGH

07/28/2018 annakie: Oh man I'm going to have to go back and watch that again.  I was touched at how sad EVERYONE was.   And yeah, the burial part and "I encourage peace" got me too.  It's always sad to lose a friend, but also Tibs defending Draconia was really the perfect ending for his character.

I started ep 65 and YAY. FINALLY.  KEYLETH AND VAX.  FOR REALS. I have LOVED the slow-burn of the last 40 episodes but I'm glad they're moving into an actual relationship now.

I got spoiled about Vex and Percy just the other day (No one's fault, someone I follow on twitter liked a tweet, which twitter OH SO HELPFULLY put on my timeline.  So, it's twitter's fault.)   There have already been some hints that it's coming with Vex's titling and all, but I'm looking forward to it.

(Getting spoiled accidentally about that was my "OK TIME TO CLAMP DOWN ON SPOILERS!!" wakeup call -- especially since that Really Big Thing happened in Campaign 2 right about then and despite trying real hard to not be spoiled I know all about it.)

And Scanlan, what character growth with his speech to Pike a couple of episodes ago, apologizing for the proposal and realizing he was more in love with the idea of Pike, even though he does really love her, so proud of that boy.  And the note he gave Pike awhile ago for if he dies AND SHE READ IMMEDIATELY.  That was like the first real sign she's given.  The only thing that's bothered me about Scanlan, (who is probably my favorite, though I love THEM ALL) is that he was nice-guying / trying to wear Pike down this whole time, albeit in a charming way, and now he gets that, so YAY!

---------- 07/28/2018 annakie Watching 65, and having Matt torture Marisha by having Kashaw ask Keyleth out the night after she finally gets together with Vax is masterful.  Haha

Awww Gilmore's parents, so sweet.  And then Sam "Well, they're both over 70, so who's going to kill them?" buhahahahaha

07/29/2018 annakie: Oh my God, episode 68.  I'm bawling.  I obviously know Percy will be back but this was really, really, really rough.  Taliesin took it better than anyone.  Matt seemed just as devastated as everyone else.  Marisha's crying made me cry. 

That ending, with everyone gathering around Ripley and each doing their own killing blow for Percy.... it was so, so, SO GOOD.

I hope the internet wasn't too hard on Matt that week.

(I really did bawl about Percy's death.  That's when the show went from “I love this” to "This is masterful.  This is amazing. This might be elevated to rank of "FAVORITE THINGS!" 

This is also when I started watching at home -- because I had to know what was going to happen.  And because I realized that this show will MAKE ME CRY and I can't cry at work.  I also started watching on the weekends, basically as much as I could, every night, all Saturday and Sunday when possible.)

janiemcpants: Keyleth and Vax took a while, but I think they played out perfectly in the end :) I’m so happy the way the official couples turned out, because they’re all so different and so great in their own way. Truly something for everyone! (Vax and Keyleth are my favorites, but I don’t think I have ANY NoTPs, which is awesome.) When I first started the show, I thought I was going to HATE Scanlan, specifically because of the nice-guy thing. But then that sort of started to taper off and he won me over anyway, and I was so happy that he actually realized what was going on and apologized for it. Especially since I love their relationship, as she’s more or less the group’s moral compass, but he’s also basically the group dad--the one who keeps the to-do list and helps everyone keep their shit together (even if it’s not in the most conventional way). Thank goodness he finally realized it was more important to keep her as a friend than to keep trying for romance and probably eventually lose her by being a shithead.

68/69 are two of my favorite episodes, and two of the very hardest to watch Rough, but really emotionally and narratively satisfying

---------

7/21/2018

I made this post,  My first big feelings post.

---------------

08/03/2018 annakie: I JUST FINISHED 78.  SO MANY FEELINGS!  VEX ANSWERING THE DOOR NAKED.  THE WHOLE PLANNING.  GILMORE IS WITH THEM!  AND OH MY GOD KASH AND ZARAH PLS DON'T DIE BUT IF YOU DO SACRIFICING YOURSELF LIKE THIS IS AMAZING, I LOVE YOU. Also I'm now watching Talks Machina too so each episode is an hour longer!

08/05/2018 annakie: OH MY GOD SCANLAN.  THIS IS SO MUCH WORSE THAN PERCY. I DIDN'T THINK IT COULD GET WORSE I AM BAWLING AT PIKE'S POEM OH THANK GOD SHE ROLLED A NATURAL 20

Liam breaking during Pike's poem double killed me

I'm also so glad Ashley could be here for this one. I wish Sam was.

Also I'm SO GLAD Keyleth was so amazing last episode, both the feeblemind (totally, 100% saving this fight) and spotting Kima and Allora in the ocean.  Just MVP'd the hell out of that ep.

janiemcpants: OH MAN that feeblemind!!! And I’m so glad it was Keyleth who landed such a huge blow on Raishan. And spotting Kima and Allura was such a HUGE RELIEF. What an emotional rollercoaster that episode was. I’m convinced the dice themselves have a sense of drama. That’s the only way to explain some of the narratively amazing 1s and 20s we’ve gotten

annakie: Oh my God, I know.  Just absolutely insane.  THAT NAT 20 MERCER ROLLED FOR THE FINAL RESURRECTION ROLL OMG

I didn't stop for Talks Machina between those eps.  I couldn't, I had to see what happened.  I'm so glad this entire ep was so laid back after the resurrection. 

This show... I'm so, so mad I wasn't into it from the beginning.  On the other hand, having to wait a week between THOSE EPISODES would have been the worst.

janiemcpants: IT WAS It's so good that they generally have breather episodes once something huge is over with, because I don't think I could handle the tension otherwise

---------- 08/06/2018 annakie: WHAT THE FUCK I THOUGHT THIS WOULD BE FUN AND HAPPY AND EVERYTHING IS TERRIBLE. I had to stop watching at work

Because I started crying a little and then Percy gave his speech and I almost lost it haha That's where I am right now, raced home from lunch to watch the rest of this where I could cry

janiemcpants: Are you on episode 85? That one really hit like a slap in the face

annakie: Yep!

janiemcpants: That's the only one I think I won't be able to watch again

(I made this post.)

annakie: He's gone now, they're awake the next morning. Like I knew he was leaving but I thought it wouldn't be THIS TERRIBLE.  I thought it’d be like “Hey guys I’m taking some time off, love you, bye!” but nooooo.

janiemcpants: And it really felt like it came out of nowhere!

annakie: But also props to Sam because that was such a good representation of depression.

Like I really understood where it was coming from but yeah you really didn't expect THAT.

janiemcpants: Yeah, he's definitely not afraid to take risks and let his character be imperfect, and he had some good points and some not so good points in a very realistic way But BOY was that hard to watch

annakie: Yeah exactly.  Like, yelling that nobody cares about him.... that they don't love him.... I have felt that way about people who I absolutely knew loved me and that just shook me.  It was just... so... real.  And the way everyone reacted.  Man I just wish Ashley had been there.

I already know Sam plays someone else for awhile and eventually, Scanlan comes back but man... again... so glad I don't have to wait to KNOW THAT.

janiemcpants: You're lucky you know that! I totally thought he was gone for good Are you at the end of the episode, or still going?

annakie: Still going, they're at Whitestone still the next morning deciding what to do next.  Keyleth just scryed on Scanlan and Kaylee.

Grog: "I know you on a more intimiate level."  Vex: "Because you saw my titties."  Grog: Basically, yeah.

Real question: Can I watch the rest of this episode and maybe next without crying, so I can finish it at work, or should I not?  Gotta head back in a few minutes

Oh heeey it's already Sam's new character. :)

janiemcpants You can probably finish it up Since you met Sam's new character and he's pretty good And the next one has a lot of funny stuff in it

---------- 08/07/2018 annakie Episode 88:  The Kraken Fight.  FIVE AND A HALF HOURS (more like five after the break BUT STILL.)  I feel like I was watching this episode for a week.

janiemcpants That was intense! Them not being able to kill the kraken really added some stress to the fight Although they might not have been able to anyway

08/08/2018 annakie Yeah!  That added a whole crazy layer onto it!  I was pretty sure there would be more deaths than just Vax.  Not that him dying wasn't bad, but you know.  I think I'm becoming desensitized to the deaths because I didn't cry during his resurrection.  Also, poor Ashley, it feels like every time she's there lately it's to resurrect someone.

Finished Ep 90 this afternoon, Keyleth's Aramente ceremony was really good. :)

Also Grog and Tary potion shopping, I laughed so hard at work and had to keep it quiet, I'm sure my coworkers think I'm a maniac.

Ep 91 - Vox Machina Go To Hell... sounds amazing.  Just starting.

janiemcpants: Grog and Tary shopping was a total trash fire and it was so great And Vox Machina Go to Hell was such a good title! And a good episode!

---------- 08/11/2018

annakie: Ep 95!  Past the time skip!  The last two have been SO MUCH FUN and just what we needed after all the sadness and tension!  And YAY ASHLEY IS HERE FOR AWHILE.  SHE'S GETTING A STORYLINE!  Also I love Tary so much now, that character growth! :D  But I only have 20 episodes left noooooo

(later that night)...I should probably be doing other things with my life other than watching CR + Talks Machina but I'm already on 98.  Clearly Tary is leaving soon, it's neat to meet his family and all, though.  I'm gonna miss him.  I thought Tary would just be like... a filler character. But he's so great.  So.   Great.

---------- 08/12/2018

annakie: OH GOD IT'S SCANLAN HE'S BACK I'M DYING (also I'm real sad Tary is leaving soon, the conflict of emotions!).  I JUST got to the part where Vex runs up and hugs him and they go to break I'M CRYING.

annakie: EVERYTHING HURTS but Jon Heder's character is hilarious

janiemcpants: Oh no, goodbye Tary! Tary was a cross between Gilderoy Lockhart and a J Peterman catalog and I absolutely adored him, but it’s so good to have Scanlan back I wasn’t sure what to expect from Jon Heder, because I’d only seen him in Napoleon Dynamite and didn’t like it, but he was so great in this

annakie: Oh man I missed him so much.  He's having to apologize SO MUCH.  Poor Sam, haha.  The Talks Machina with him, Ashley and Laura was great, though and Laura saying Travis was too emotional to go on the show was so.... awwww.  I'm into ep 100 now  Yay the new look!  AND LADY BRIARWOOD IS BACK WHAT THE WHAAAT.  And Poor, poor Sam having to play three characters, though, he did this to himself. :D

--------- 8/13/2018 annakie (about the first Vecna fight): That shoulda just been called "Vox Machina gets their asses kicked." Vaaaaax

Scanlan MVP'd the hell out of that fight though No time for Talks Machina, I'll do that at work tomorrow, RIGHT ON TO 103!

janiemcpants: Episode 102 was an ABSOLUTE DISASTER Thank goodness Scanlan came back when he did!

Although I did enjoy everyone guilt tripping Sam for making him leave

And then THE ENDING

annakie: GOD EVERYTHING ABOUT IT. ALL OF THIS.  I NEED TO PAUSE TIME SO I DON'T NEED TO SLEEP AND CAN JUST WATCH CR STRAIGHT THROUGH FOREVER UNTIL IT'S OVER. These are disaster children and they are terrible I love them.

(I made this post.)

janiemcpants: I had to laugh at your last post because that's exactly what it's like! There's SO MUCH in each episode it's almost impossible to post about it. TOO MANY FEELINGS

And not enough time!

I think this last arc has really good flow to it You can feel the urgency, but it still gives things the time they deserve

annakie: It really is!  Like you know if I had a week between episodes than it'd be way easier to sort but I can't take any time I have to watch as much as I can now. I'm at the part where they're trying to sort out why Vax is back and I WANT TO DIE.

janiemcpants: WASN'T THAT A CURVEBALL I was expecting a tense, elaborate ritual like the others got, and they were planning for it, but nope! We're skipping that part

annakie: I read something like a tweet or untagged post MONTHS ago about Scanlan not being able to save Vax.  So when he got disintegrated I was like "Oh this is that that meant." and now I'm like "OH SHIT NO IT WASN'T, WAS IT?!"  I'm scared.

(Oh, you sweet summer child, you have no idea what you’re in for.)

janiemcpants I just love how Vax getting disintegrated totally changed the context of everything that happens, but not in the way anyone expected Matt's mind is truly a place of wonder

annakie: Also Yay Grog just asked Scanlan to hang out with him in Vasselheim :3 Nothing like a terrifying near-death experience to spread some forgiveness.

TRAVIS + SAM IS THE BEST, WHETHER IT'S SCANLAN OR TARY.

--------- 8/14/2018 annakie Me today: OK my boss asked me to go to this important meeting and take notes I need to concentrate.

What I actually thought about : SERENRAE GAVE PIKE A SPECIAL BLESSING AND LOVES HER SO MUCH AND ALSO TOLD SCANLAN SHE HEARS HIS PRAYERS AND HE IS A TRUE BELIEVER, HE HAS A HOLY SYMBOL AND FOUND HIS WAY TO THE TOWER HIMSELF WE ARE SO BLESSED. REMEMBER SAM AND ASHLEY'S FACES THROUGH ALL OF THAT IT WAS PERFECT.

Also Scanlans face when. Grog mentioned that he was looking for Scanlan, the moment passed so fast but I cried.

(later that night) annakie: I'm so mad I have to run my own game tonight so all I'm gonna have time to watch is to the end of 104 Glad I prepped my game a week or two ago though

janiemcpants: THEIR MEETING WITH SERENRAE, I WEEP It’s just so good to see both a character who’s been so devoted but struggled with it at the same time, and a character who had to develop so much to get there, actually be seen and acknowledged by their god

annakie: I REWATCHED IT WHEN I GOT HOME

janiemcpants: What a great moment for both of them

annakie: SO amazing, I loved it so much.

janiemcpants: Also, I love how it doesn’t even matter how the group splits up, any combination of them is going to be interesting and fun (But especially Sam and Travis because of their shared delight in chaos)

annakie: I'm RIGHT NOW at the part where everyone is talking about Vex to Pelor and OH SHIT SHE AND PERCY ARE BETHROTHED THAT'S THE SECRET YES that's so true every pair is amazing

Also once again Scanlan MVPs this, with his polymorph on Vex

janiemcpants: It's truly astounding how many times Scanlan single-handedly saves their bacon

annakie: Yeah as much as I loved Tary like... they really NEEDED Scanlan.

janiemcpants: They really did I wish they could have both!

annakie: When I rewatched the Serenrae meeting I watched Ashley's face and every time Scanlan did something positive like made it to the tower or Serenrae acknowledged Scanlan as a true believer Ash's face was just amazing. She's so pleased at Scanlan :3

janiemcpants: Ashley's just so good

annakie: I KNOW, ME TOO.  I peeked and saw that we don't see Tary again and I'm sad!  I hope he gets an epilogue!

Also I NEED VOX MACHINA PEOPLE TO ACKNOWLEDGE HOW GREAT SCANLAN IS BEING HERE.

Last Tuesday at 11:24 PM *screaming into the void* http://blog.annakie.com/post/177011924723/critical-role-stuff-spoilers-up-to-ep

--------- 8/15/2018

janiemcpants Everything you said is SO TRUE And I still just can't believe how Sam took what was meant to be a joke* and turned him into this incredible three-dimensional person who never fails to surprise me. Will he turn into a dinosaur and destroy a building? Will he sing at the giant monster instead of fleeing like everyone else? Will he melt my heart with beautiful words about friendship? Will he devastate my emotions when he stops covering up his pain? Will he make a dick joke? We never know! And he's grown so much! *(Apologies if you already knew this, but when they were getting ready for the original one-shot home game that started all this, Sam had never played before, and Liam helped him pick out his character. Sam said he wanted to be the worst, and asked what the worst character would be, and Liam came up with gnome bard. And here we are. That was all captured on the podcast they sporadically do together and it's pretty funny.)

annakie Hilariously, I just found that out about Liam helping create Scanlan an hour ago.  On the episode of Talks I was watching at work Sam kept mentioning his Reddit AMA and so I googled it and read it, literally an hour ago.  So if I would have seen this earlier, it would have been new information! And YES SO MUCH I AGREE.

Like I love them ALL so much but I mean... Scanlan.  Fucking Scanlan.  Fave.  Sorry.

(Later) annakie Darin DePaul is hilarious lol I was like "Uh who is this?" when he showed up but he keeps making me laugh.  I'm still in the initial fight right after they find Sprigg

janiemcpants Fun fact: Darin de Paul played D&D thirty something years ago with Matt's mom, and Sprigg is the character he played back then I think that old session ended with Sprigg disappearing or something, so this is the continuation of his story, set thirty-whatever years later He’s really terrific, though! I only knew him from Overwatch, but I get such a kick out of him here

annakie OMG, that's awesome!  Thank you for that fun fact!  I was wondering if he ever played before, he seemed to get it pretty quick with only a little help from Sam. He's saying goodbye now, aww, such a good end for a fun character!

annakie Oh good, Ioun told Scanlan how awesome and important he is to VM and Kaylee and in general, I feel better now. I'm a little sad that I guess Ioun is his god now I guess and not Serenrae but it also seems fitting.

8/16/2018 janiemcpants Yeah, I was surprised by that, but in the end I think I'm glad he got his own god who appreciates him, rather than being wrapped up in Pike's story Not that Serenrae didn't appreciate him, but I like that he got something of his own

annakie That is so true!!  Like Serenrae gave him comfort when he needed it, and accepted him, but he prayed to her because it's what he knew because of Pike, but I think he didn't do it FOR Pike. But it turns out Scanlan wasn't destined for Serenrae.

Also I meant to mention awhile ago that I really loved Percy holding everything together after Vax died and they were in the Feywild.  He really stepped up and kept everything from falling apart and I was really proud of him.

Scanlan being constantly dismissive of them talking about Tary is hilarious.  "Scanlan can you scry on Tary?"  "Who? Oh... you mean that fancy fellow?" haha

(Later) annakie Oh yay I'm glad they sent word to Tary that everyone is OK.

janiemcpants Yes!! I was so concerned about poor Tary. The necklace is a good idea in theory, but in reality all it does is tell him something is wrong, but he doesn't know what or how he can help What an anxiety-inducing item!

Also yes to Percy! His growth is really inspiring to me on a personal level (all of theirs are in different ways, but he's the most relatable to me personally) I love how, since they're all so different and grow in different ways, there's a good story there for everyone

--------- 8/17/2018 9:07 PM annakie Just finished the ep where they forge the trammels.  Starting to close in on the endgame :o

annakie OH MY GOD... hahaha using the love potion TARY gave Vax to prank SCANLAN, this is amazing, I love it so much.

I CAN'T BREATHE

Last Saturday at 1:15 AM Hi it's 1:14am and I'm still awake because I had to finish this live episode.

--------- 8/18/2018 annakie: In the middle of 112 now, and I have to stop watching to go to my Pathfinder game.... nooo... one of the few times I'm unhappy about going to gaming. :) I think I'm going to be able to finish tomorrow if I just power through and don't stop for Talks.

---------

(And here we go, into the endgame.  I woke up, turned on Critical Role, and knew I'd finish the campaign that day.  In addition to the gifs and posts I made: http://blog.annakie.com/tagged/episode+114, here's the rest of that experience.  I’m not going to link the individual gif posts.)

8/19/2018 12:53 AM annakie: THE STRANGLING WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS

This entire episode is like the most fucked up episode lol

9:21 AM BRIARWOOD FIGHT WITH Joe Manganiello!!!  I'M SO SCARED.

11:58 AM OH MY GOD KAYLEE AND CASSANDRA AND SHAUN THANK GOD THEY STOPPED AND FIXED IT OH MY GOD I'M CRYING

3:17 PM I'm liveblogging.  AND DYING.  ZARAH AND KASH OH THANK SERENRAE!!!

janiemcpants: I was out of town for the weekend and just got home, and I can't believe how fast you're going! Although once you hit a certain point you can't help but tumble unstoppably towards the end, because it's all going so off the rails at once I WAS SO WORRIED FOR KASH AND ZAHRA

annakie: I STILL AM

janiemcpants: And having Cassandra and Gilmore and Kaylee as death knights was a particularly cruel stroke of genius on Matt's part

annakie: Arkhan just got back though, so that's good I guess haha

SO CRUEL

janiemcpants: CAN YOU IMAGINE, if they hadn't left one alive, they might not even have taken their helmets off and they never would have known

annakie: GOD I KNOW I KNOW... That would have just been.... oh man I can't even imagine And thank God Matt let them revivify even though it could have been more than a minute

annakie: There's so much happening I can barely breathe I feel like I've been watching this episode for ten hours already All I've watched is 113 and this today.

janiemcpants: It's probably even better watching it all together like you're doing, because a whole lot of interesting things happen in a not-that-long amount of time There's so much!

annakie: Yeah... I mean TBH for the last month I've just lived this show, I haven't watched any TV shows.  It's been so great to just really LIVE IN IT and there's so much of it especially after taking a year to get to this point.

annakie: Well, it was around the point of Percy dying the really sad time to get to "OK I can't stop watching", that's when I started watching at home and not just at work.  And then I stopped watching at work much after Scanlan left because I was too invested to only sorta pay attention. Yeaaaaah Grog just kicked ass.

janiemcpants: Percy dying was right when I started watching live! I was trying to catch up on the old stuff before I started doing it live, but when I heard that happened I just COULDN’T stay away. What a hell of a pair of episodes those were.

annakie: OH WOW that's awesome!  How many episodes did you skip to get to that point? haha OH ALSO PIKE TELLING SCANLAN HE HAS TO STAY ALIVE BECAUSE OF WHAT HAPPENS AFTER.  MY HEART. I was a little worried because since she was back she'd hardly interacted with him, except for that butt-slap a few episodes ago and then this conversation happened and I DIED.  (And then Sam joked it was Scanlan2 and I refuse to believe that it wasn't actually real Scanlan, they're dressed different, she would have known.)

(Also in the Vecna fight Real Scanlan had to use the Death Ward Pike put on him so yeah, she said it to Real Scanlan.)

Oh also I found online where Sam posted the letter Scanlan wrote to Pike and OH MAN, TEARS.

janiemcpants: RIGHT?? At the beginning I never thought I'd be invested in Scanlan and Pike's relationship, just because of the nice-guy stuff, but it got really, really good as it went on I still had about 15 episodes or so to go when I started watching it live, so I missed a little bit of context, but it was worth it That letter was so good

annakie: Oh man we just almost lost Vex and the looks on Liam, Travis AND Taliesin's faces all killed me. I can't wait to start watching live, still probably going to be a month or so.

annakie: OH NO THE JENKY TRAMEL.

annakie: PIKE BLEW SCANLAN A KISS!!

annakie: I can't believe I still have an hour to go (probably 45 minutes of game time) and Scanlan and Grog just got banished.  Also I know something bad happens to Grog so I'm just waiting for that.  Maybe he never comes back from banishment!??!

annakie: Hahaha Scanlan dispelled Vecna's teleport and MATT'S FACE. Oh no, he's saying sorry to Liam This is why... “I was going to save Vax.” OH MY GOD  Sam is crying And Liam is crying

janiemcpants: That moment is where I cried the hardest in all of 114 Especially because they called each other Sam and Liam instead of Scanlan and Vax IT'S SO PAINFUL

annakie: THIS HURTS SO MUCH, I’M BAWLING. Most of the table doesn't even see what's going on Like they're having this private moment while the game keeps going.

annakie: Oh God that Nat20 for Scanlan to counterspell dominate person on Keyleth. Could you imagine this fight with Tary instead of Scanlan?  It'd have been over in round 2

annakie: lol I watched Jocks Machina on the D&D twitch channel awhile ago so I knew Arkhan was going to betray them, that's amazing how he did it. Also, so great that Keyleth was able to finish the ritual

annakie: Oh no Sam and Liam are crying at the end this is the worst

annakie: Annnd here we go.  115.

janiemcpants: GOOD LUCK

annakie: I'm really going to miss this credit sequence, I love it so much I always watch it every episode. I've seen the new one and it's cute but I love this one.

janiemcpants I miss it too! It's so good

annakie: I get why they did a more generic "look at us playing D&D" instead of character intro credits but this one is amazing I mean especially after what happened to Taliesin's character in season 2.

annakie: Yay Kash and Zahra :D I'm so glad they got a goodbye. :)  That was a great sendoff!

janiemcpants: It was so good! Even with Liam wreaking emotional havoc

annakie: vax is saying goobye and I'm bawling

even matt is crying, i can't

(I made this post.)

janiemcpants: I cried through that ENTIRE EPISODE

annakie: I'm taking a crying break to watch the fanart Glad Ashley made it just in time for that moment

Oh man this great series of fanart with the quote where Sam asking what's the worst character, and Liam saying gnome bard, and the art is all showing how Scanlan saved the party, that was amazing

annakie: Oh my God Liam isn't even at the table anymore THIS IS SO SAD

janiemcpants: That art sounds fantastic! Must try to hunt it down Oh no, I can't cope when they leave the table

annakie: "We'll fill in each other's gaps, we'll be the glue." THANKS LAURA NOW I'M CRYING AGAIN BECAUSE I LOVE VEX/PERCY SO MUCH.

That even broke Taliesin a little

There's a part of me right now that's still screaming "GO FIND GILMORE AND CASSANDRA AND KAYLEE!"

janiemcpants: I know!!! There's so much they should be doing, all at the same time! HOW IS EVERYBODY??

annakie: Percy just mentioned cassandra, maybe they'll remember lol

NOPE, off to a bar!

Yay Kima's there!

Oh ok good they're in whitestone whew

annakie: GROG NO DON'T PULL CARDS

Oh man Kaylee and Scanlan's conversation, I'm crying again.

janiemcpants: Grog pulling the card was so goddamn funny Especially in the midst of so much sadness

annakie: Oh my God he just pulled the card in whitestone

omgomgomg

AND ASHLEY'S INTERNET DROPS

Annnnnnnnnnnnd this is why they have to go rescue Grog omg omg omg

annakie: Aw, I was almost hoping they'd actually do one last adventure but that was funny.

janiemcpants: Yeah, I really wish we could have seen the rescue, but they were clearly planning on this being the last episode, and it would have thrown everything off But it was worth it

annakie: ASHLEY’S FUCKING INTERNET DIES RIGHT AS SHE'S ABOUT TO ASK SCANLAN ON A DATE I AM SCREAMING I'M SO MAD

Scanlan and Pike’s conversation was everything I always wanted THEN HER INTERNET DIES

annakie OK Scanlan's epilogue was awesome :3 “I will do literally whatever Pike wants to do.”

And YAY we get to hear about Tary!

YAY LAWRENCE!

janiemcpants: I'm so glad Lawrence wasn't dead! I was totally convinced Tary's dad had him whacked

annakie: Oh God Pike’s marriage proposal and one last grog & scanlan conversation I love it so much I'm crying again

I've known they ended up married for a long time but that was great. :3

janiemcpants: I just love that they both planned to ask each other out in their epilogues!

annakie I KNOW, so great :D

I'm really glad that Scanlan let Pike lead, that was amazing.

janiemcpants: Yes! That brought it from great to perfect

annakie: And he just wanted to follow where she went and helped out.  And they have a home, and Grog with them, and are a perfect weird family! :D

They're my favorite ship, though I love all three very much.

janiemcpants: And Grog gets to stay with his gnomes forever! And he's not left alone even though he didn't end up with a romantic relationship!

annakie: YES!

I love Percy and Vax being so Percy and Vax in their epilogue.  Kids with lots of names!  Tinkering!

janiemcpants: The part about Percy making clocks made me weep BUCKETS

annakie: Percy finding redemption helping Cassandra omg

YES

"Make a clock tower, make art and never make another weapon. I'm good." :D

annakie: Aww Grog taking punishment from Vasselheim

Hahaha the potion guy being the tutor ohhhhh my God this is amazing.

This guy never even got a name did he and yet he's brought so much joy

janiemcpants: I don't think he ever did!

annakie: Marisha is making Liam cry this is so sad

janiemcpants: EVERYONE CRIES SO MUCH AND THAT MAKES ME CRY EVEN MORE

annakie: "And every day that Raven comes to visit."

I'm dead.

Oh my God Matt and Marisha get married THE NEXT WEEK!?

janiemcpants:

YEP!

annakie: Well I'm completely emotionally drained.

(We said a bit more here, but it was personal.)

11:28pm:  I made this post. ) -----------------

I couldn't do much yesterday but think about this fucking show.  I'm catching up on the Talks Machinas I missed from like 108 through 115, I think I'm on 111 now?  I also watched Matt Colville's recap of the episode and why it's so great.  I'd been looking forward to watching that since he made it, since I watch most of what he puts out it's been sitting in my suggested videos like for almost every episode I watched.  That was perfect, as well.

I removed some talk about this in the chatlog Janie and I had but I'm going to take like this week off and catch up on the Specials & Oneshots I didn't watch before.  I need that cooling off period.  I'll probably power through season 2 after it's done and start watching live and wondering if It's Thursday Yet? within a couple of weeks from now.

I'm still sorting through feelings, too.  I'll probably have more to say.

But you know how there's a lot of media you like, and some that you love but only a few make it to that "Favorite things" level, the place where it turns into something that you love wholeheartedly and will remember forever and kinda wish you could erase from your brain so you could re-experience it for the first time again?

I have a few of those.  Futurama.  MST3K.  Parks and Recreation.  Psych.  Star Wars: Knights of the Old Republic.  The entire Mass Effect trilogy.  Neverwinter Nights 2.  The Thrilling Adventure Hour.  U2's Songs of Experience album.  Sugar's Copper Blue album.  The Princess Bride.  All of Star Wars.  The Lord of the Rings trilogy.  Star Trek: TNG and DS9.  The Good Place will end up here once it's done.  

And now Critical Role: Season One.  

[princessmelina]

Wow after posting this and glancing at the length of it I realize... I should really go sleep now, and who knows what I’ll think when I reread this tomorrow

It’s been... at least 2 months, maybe almost 3, since I had that bout of eating so much I made myself feel awful and then not eating the next meal because I was still so dang full at least twice a week for a few weeks. After I came back from visiting my parents in Oregon and started up with a personal trainer (mainly to increase my strength but also to see if I could get any use from tips on how to eat more like a normal person), between that and karate I seemed to be doing alright, managing my eating well enough, mostly back to just overeating (not to the point of feeling blergh though) on the weekends when hanging out with friends.

But of course I just had to feel overwhelmed enough this week I broke and overate yesterday and today during lunch, so much I felt ugh the rest of the day and couldn’t (or wouldn’t?) eat dinner. But added fun this time, I’ve slept most of the past 2 days away (I sleep more than a person probably should anyway but wow this has been a lot of naptime even for me). And the universe might just be trying to tell me something since in the past few days, two completely separate people I follow reblogged the exact same post that talks about depression meals not just being eating not enough but eating too much too.

Which, okay, probably should have guessed before but I don’t know what triggered it those few months ago and I thought it was just my usual food struggles where I love the taste of everything too much and always want to eat and dealing with all that is tiring enough. But this week I get it. Tried to cheer myself up with my accomplishment on Thursday where my personal trainer got me farther than I expected on my handstand progress but that still didn’t quite work.

Buying a house is awful and stressful and I’m so grateful for everything my family is doing to help me (my mom especially, and also my dad and uncle) but I also wish they could just be here to do it for me because I am not adult enough for this! I don’t know what I’m doing! I keep trying to tell that to my mom and uncle because they don’t want to like, barge in on my business or whatever and I’m like please! Take over even! But at the same time I’m also hesitant to ask them for help even though I shouldn’t be because I don’t want to bother them and I feel like I should be handling things more myself. But almost every step of the process so far, every time I send my mom and update of what I’ve done she’s like, oh no, you should have talked with us before you did that. Not because I’m messing up super hugely but I’m still kinda messing up minor things that could add up to be bad for me and she just wants to make sure I get the best deal out of this situation.

This is why I hate being nicknamed the “golden child”, no matter how much anyone might be joking when they say it. I barely ever know what I’m doing, I just seem like I do. I’m just good at not outwardly panicking. But I feel like my whole life - and I keep trying to explain this to my parents but I think they still might not quite get it - almost every decision I make, especially major ones, is made because I’m too afraid of the other options. Get good grades in school? Gotta make sure it happens because what if I don’t get into a good enough college otherwise. Go straight to university after high school instead of taking a year off or going to community college or something? Gotta make sure I do that because I don’t want to lose that in-state scholarship from those tests or whatever and going in-state is easier because then I don’t have to work too hard to find housing or transportation or whatever, I just live with my parents. Parents and sister are moving to Oregon halfway through my college years? I’m gonna stay here in AZ because I know everyone here already and I won’t have to try to make new friends and I can even stay with my grandma who needs a roommate. Move in with my friend after I graduate? Might as well and she’s even doing most of the work, her and her mom, finding us an awesome apartment to live in - and I want to hang out with friends more and feel bad inviting them over to my grandma’s where even if we bother her she’d be too nice to say anything. Take a job at the bakery my friend works at? I need the money and no one else is hiring and they love my friend and now me as well thanks to her. And so on and so forth up to buying this house.

I hate living alone but I don’t think I’m strong enough to live with anyone else still (my sister lived with me for a year after she came back to AZ from Oregon because she missed friends/family here and probably other reasons too, and now it’s been a little over a year since she moved a few blocks away to go live in a house with 6 other friends, and I’m still a little devastated that we couldn’t make it work because if I can’t live in a house with my own sister who I lived with all our lives except for the few years she lived in Oregon, who can I live with where we won’t somehow both get on each other’s nerves?), so I really want a dog (have for a long time anyway but now I’m longing even more for that companionship and thinking of our family dog a lot and how great he was). But this house setup isn’t that great for a dog, especially a big one like I want, and the backyard still has debris and stuff from my uncle’s projects... so logically, let’s buy a house!! (Because I can’t rent because almost nowhere will allow you to keep a big dog, and definitely not a pitbull/pit mix like I’d probably get because that’s what our family dog was and that’s what mostly fills the shelter.)

And also there was that whole thing with the drunk/high guy getting in a couple years ago (okay I shouldn’t have opened the door at like 5am when I wasn’t sure of who it was but normally I know better and plus my cousins and sister were sleeping over at the time... it’s a long story you can ask if you wanna know) and then a few weeks before I visited Oregon this year my door getting kicked in (no one got in but this time I was alone and man! does your body get tense when you hear that bang so early in the morning and it’s just you, your phone, and your knife as you wonder if you’re gonna have to battle someone while in your pajammies - again. also another story too long for this but ask if you feel like it). I don’t even live in a bad neighborhood, it’s like half families and half college kids who don’t even throw loud parties or anything. How do I attract these things???

Anyway everyone I tell that I’m buying a house is so excited and/or proud of me. Megan, you’re 25 and buying a house what a great accomplishment, especially at your age! So responsible! So good with her money! And I smile and nod and in the moment maybe even get a little excited myself because yeah, how cool is that, me having my own whole house that is all mine? And I can have my dog now!! But then I think about how I’ll have to deal with anything that goes wrong rather than asking my landlord uncle, and it’s just so dang much money what happens if I lose this job or something? And how the heck do I think I can take care of a dog when I’m barely managing to take care of myself from moment to moment????

So there’s all that in my head pretty much constantly for a couple months, intensifying after my offer got accepted on this house at the beginning of October. Then last week I have a party and invite a bunch of friends, even a couple that I don’t see as often as some of the others and are like, sort of different circles but not exactly? I dunno. But it was a little strange, not necessarily in a bad way, because almost everyone was split into couples except for me and one of my closest friends (and her sister but I think her sister isn’t quite as... longing for a romantic relationship as we are, or if she is we don’t talk about it the same haha). And that friend and I both felt it I think, wishing more than usual to have a romantic partner of our own (although out of the four “couples” it was really only my sister and her boyfriend together, and my other friend that has a boyfriend it’s long-distance but they text a lot (it’s so cute, he better be good to her or I will travel to his country and punch him if need be) but anyway) so that didn’t help my thoughts this week, even though that stuff’s always in the back of my mind anyway it was pestering me more.

But even worse than that, I’ve been wondering if I kinda messed up my sister’s boyfriend’s visit for her, he lives in California and was visiting for the weekend. And I know she wanted to spend more alone time with him but I convinced them them to come to the Voltron party anyway (it was basically an all-day thing) though I didn’t expect them to stay the whole time, and it’s not like I forced them to stay at my house, but still... I feel like I was being kinda selfish ‘cause I really wanted them to hang out with us. But I also stopped them from going to the guest room to watch anime when they first arrived (because they didn’t want to rewatch season 1 yet again and would rejoin us for s2) and I told them we’d skip it but then I still played the last few eps of s1 because another friend hadn’t seem them... ugh I just feel bad and like I often force my likes and preferences for the way I want things to go on other people like that and sure, like I said I’m not physically forcing any of my friends to participate but pretty much all of them are also nicer than me and might not say anything if they are actually getting bored with the shows I have us marathon? I don’t know. And in this case I’m worried about bringing it up with my sister because if I did kinda ruin her time with her boyfriend visiting (he’s also the friend of the rest of us but still, I understand her want for alone time even more then since she normally has to share him with all of us in other things like when we all go to cons together) I’m not sure I wanna know especially since I can’t change it now. But if I didn’t what if bringing it up influences her to think about it that way and I retroactively mess it up???

I don’t normally doubt my actions so much, what’s in the past is done and I just try to learn from it and get better every time, but for some reason I’ve just been questioning things a lot this week and it’s worn me out more than ever. And my brain (ever since I was pretty young actually) always goes back to “well if only you had a special someone, and you were just theirs and they were just yours, they’d be able to support you through things like this and you could talk with them like you talk with your other closest friends and maybe even things wouldn’t get so bad in your brain because you’d have accomplished the one dream you’ve had the longest and wished for the most - being in love with someone who loves you”. But those thoughts sometimes hurt the worst because of all my dreams that’s the one I can’t force - I can’t accomplish it just by working harder, improving myself, or whatever. I just have to keep looking and meeting people and talking with people and I can’t even just do that since I need to have at least a good-friend-level connection with someone before actually feeling comfortable enough to have real romantic feelings for them and/or go out on a date with them (otherwise as happened once, they ask me out and I agree and then proceed to feel sick with anxiety for like 3 days - because why would they ask me out they know so little about me why would they like me enough to want to go on a date I’m going to completely disappoint them if they think I’m this cool social person when I’m just like that at cons and the rest of the year I just like to stay at home and watch things and read and sleep and write and maybe plan outings, but not go out into the world with little notice - before finally telling them I can’t do it, sorry, it’s me not you I swear). Yet at the same time anyone who is even a little bit nice to me, smiles at me, compliments me on anything, my brain goes straight to “omg what would it be like if this cool person liked you, wouldn’t it be amazing, you two would probably be so great together and go on awesome adventures and hey look at all these great scenarios even though you literally talked with them for less than a minute or maybe have never met them in person at all”.

I’m tired, friends. And I want to be there for my sister who was probably feeling more lonely this week after only a few short days with her boyfriend who I think she really loves. And I want to hang out with my cousins who are both so busy with work. And I want to do stuff with my other friends that they’re so excited to do but I’m just stuck in this... blah. I worked so hard my whole life to be that person that people could count on, the one to cheer everyone up, the one that you can always count on to be calm and happy, but I think it kinda backfired because now people expect things like me being responsible and knowing what I’m doing. And only my parents know most of the problems I have, I don’t want to burden my sister since she rarely talks about her issues and she’s had friends who (probably unintentionally, but still) take advantage of that and go on all the time about their own problems without asking her how she’s doing (at least I try to ask her, but she doesn’t often let it all out). Similarly with most of my friends, we don’t talk as much as we used to about our really big problems, maybe only going to some large stresses sometimes. And it’s really only my one friend who I can talk with about the wanting that significant other thing since she’s the only one I know for sure has wished for it as much as I have (even though we’re both totally awesome single people and know we don’t need anyone, we still would like it...) and also I know she’ll vent to me the same amount I vent to her so I don’t have to worry there. And of course... whoever reads my lengthy rambles here on tumblr knows so, there you go. 8P

Anyway I’m sure everyone who’s alive already knows life’s hard, so I guess there’s not much more to say other than I’m gonna keep chugging along, doing my best, hoping and dreaming even when it hurts (and yes, I’ll also continue to be this dramatic in writing and probably even more so in real life). I hope everyone reading this is having a better week than I have been and if not, I hope you also feel free to rant to me! Because it’s nice to feel like I’m there for someone and possibly helping even if it’s not much more than just listening... and for me getting all these thoughts out of my head and solidified somewhere else helps, even if just while I’m writing it out. 8) I hope you all get whatever comfort you might need too. <3

[tianamulan]

So I really really really love podcast and I thought I would make this masterpost of podcast recommendations!! There’s a little bit of everything, and I’ve organised it all, so I’m sure you’ll find something you’ll like! I mention possible content warnings, episode lengths and amounts, good places to start, etc. I will update this post as I find more podcasts! Enjoy~

Fictional Podcasts

Limetown: 6 episodes, 30-40 min each. Crime Investigation of a town whose residents all mysteriously disappeared one night. Has sci-fi elements. Possible content warning for animal abuse/testing in episode 3, and deaths throughout. End of episode 2 is also potentially disturbing. 

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes store.

The Message: 8 episodes, ~15 min each with a 30 min finale. A message from space needs to be translated, and our main character Nicky is podcasting the whole time. Obviously very sci-fi. Diverse cast, including a non-binary person! It’s pretty intense, and because the narrator talks directly to you which includes warnings it could be a little distressing but it’s 100% fictional. Content warning for hospital situations and characters on their deathbeds.

[Website] and in iTunes store.

Life After: 10 episodes, ~30 mins each. This is made by the same team as The Message. Ross works for the FBI, and has lost his wife recently. He’s obsessed with listening to audioposts that she made on a audio-social media site. Content warning for cults and hacking.

Available in iTunes store.

Steal the Stars: Currently airing, as of Aug 2017 they have 4 episodes out. It’s about government officials who are guarding and studying an alien who crash landed on earth years ago. There’s also a love story.

[Website] and available in iTunes store.

The Truth: Every episode is different! Often very dark, but some are more light hearted. Very very visual. My favourites include Starbursts, The One about the Dead Dog, and It’s Your Funeral (Pt1 & Pt 2).

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes store.

D&D Podcasts

Okay just hear me out before you scroll past this section. I have never played dungeons and dragons in my life, I’m not even a fan of fantasy. But I really love these podcasts. It takes time to understand the rules, but it’s so worth it. The stories told are so original cuz everything can change by the role of a dice, and the characters have free will and don’t have to listen to the narrator. The people in these podcasts are so passionate too. But if you are sure that it’s not your cup of tea then you can move on now.

The Adventure Zone: 3 brothers play D&D with their dad. They’ve just finished their first Campaign as of Aug 2017, so you’ll have a completed story if you start now. There’s 69 episodes, each around an hour or so long, so it’s a lot of content to get through. They’re goofy as all hell. It takes some time to recognise the voices if you don’t know the McElroy brothers (they make other podcasts I mention later). Merle is a dwarf cleric (essentially a priest), Magnus is a human fighter, and Taako is an elven wizard. The Dungeon Master (DM, person who tells the story of the world and plays all the non-main characters) is super talented, lots of great voices. The fantasy in this is very non-traditional, so not like medieval britain, so there’s things like trains and space travel and a costco. Hilarious, very original, and emotional. Also the music is sooo good here’s the soundcloud for just the music. also there’s a pretty active fandom if that’s important to you.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Sneak Attack!: 4 player game with 5 friends (including a married couple). As of Aug 2017 they have over 100 episodes, and bonus eps, all about an hour long. Sherwood is a gnome druid (basically a forest wizard) who is antisocial to everyone but animals and plants. Greaek is a dwarf fighter who introduces himself to everyone he meets he’s a good boy. Brenna is a half-elf bard (musician) who plays the banjo and bagpipes and gets into lots of arguments with Greaek, who is her irl husband. She’s the voice of reason in the group. Akio is a human wizard who dreams of owning a noodle shop, and owns a chicken named Alfredo. Also he’s a necromancer. The DM is amazing, and the whole group is just really nice and wholesome? 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Science & Culture

Radiolab: Beautifully edited, usually about science/tech but mostly about telling a good story. Most episodes are about 40 mins to an hour, and there’s also shorter mini episodes. Good episodes to start with is Colors, Laughter, and Escape!. My favourites include What’s Up, Doc?, The Living Room (content warning for death and illness), Debateable, On the Edge, and Cities.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Reply All: Podcast about “the internet”, but it’s much more than that. Their content is all over the place. Episodes are typically 35 mins long, with the occasional longer ep. This is a podcast I would start from the beginning to get used to the format. Today’s The Day and Hello? are two of my favourite audio pieces ever, they make me so emotional, but I don’t think you’ll get this feeling unless you’ve listened to their ‘normal’ podcasts and gotten to know the hosts. This podcast is very good about content warnings for episodes, both at the start and when they’re about to discuss the content.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Flash Forward: Used to be called Meanwhile in the Future. Each episode focuses on a possible or not-so-possible future, first starting with a dramatisation of what that future would be like (usually news report kinda stuff), and then an in depth discussion with real experts about how possible that future is. In the first season the episodes were about 15 mins but now they’re up to 40 mins long. A good place to start with would be from the start! All the episodes are great in my opinion, but for examples of the range of topics discussed, you can try Sunward Bound and Don’t Lie to Me.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Imaginary Worlds: About fictional universes and our relationship to them. Episodes usually between 20-30 mins, and often topical to a recent event. My favourites are The Year Without a Summer (about Mary Shelley, author of Frankenstein, and volcanoes), Rolling the Twenty Sided Dice (about D&D, would highly recommend if you are unsure about the aforementioned D&D podcast), and In Defence of Captain Hook (about Peter Pan, the last 5 mins of this podcast is amazing).

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Invisibilia: This podcast is about human behaviour/psychology. Episodes are an hour long. I would recommend The Personality Myth to start (but also starting at episode 1 is good). They are usually good about content warning but obviously they often talk about mental health so do with that what you want. As of August 2017 they have just finished their 3rd season.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

This American Life: The most annoying thing about this podcast is there’s only ever the last 4 episodes they’ve aired available at a time, but you can “save” the episode you like on iTunes. It’s about american culture and stories and stuff, sometimes a little hit or miss for me but I’m also not American but there’s still a lot of great episodes. The episode that just came out in August 2017 “We are in the Future” is Amazing, about afrofuturism.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Sawbones: This podcast describes itself as “a marital tour of misguided medicine”. Dr. Sydnee and Justin (not a Dr.) McElroy talk about the history of medicine and all the weird stuff we did in the past to try to cure people. Sydnee has the most knowledge in this pair and Justin is mostly there to ask questions and make jokes. Very fun tone throughout usually but obviously they take time to talk about more serious stuff. My favourite thing about it is just how much this couple love each other.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Oh No Ross and Carrie: Two friends go out to investigate fringe-science stuff so you don’t have to. They have joined cults including Scientology, have their pets get psychic readings, and try juice cleanses and soylent. I’d recommend any episode that covers something that you’re interested in! Episodes are typically 40-60 mins.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Comedy

My Brother My Brother and Me (MBMBAM): The same 3 brothers from the Adventure Zone. Justin, Travis, and Griffin have been making this podcast since 2010 and they give “advice” but mostly just laugh at their own jokes. They answer a lot of Yahoo questions, you know the type. Here’s a taster for their type of humor. They also have a new TV show, and the first episode is available for free, which can help you put a face to the name/voice. They’re never rude or mean but can be very dirty boys so don’t listen w/out headphones. Also probably in public with headphones cuz u will laugh out loud for SURE.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Dynamic Banter: Two dudes talk who also mostly just laugh at their own jokes. They like movies a lot. Here’s a 8 min clip where they talk about alternate titles for Tom Hanks’s classic film Big. Episodes are usually about an hour long. 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

It Feels Like the First Time: Three guys are watching Lost, the 2004-2010 TV show about people who crashes on a ~weird island~. If were planning to watch/rewatch Lost and want to listen to more than 1 hour of three guys making jokes about the show then you should listen to this podcast. As of August 2017 they’re halfway through the final season, so there’s plenty of content for you to catch up on. This podcast comes out weekly and talk about 2 episodes of the show at a time. 

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

The Mortified Podcast: People read their childhood/teenage diaries outloud in front of a crowd. It’s embarrassing and cringe-y and hilarious and relatable and will make you more empathetic to your younger self and the kids and teens in your life because it’s hard out there. Episodes are about 25-35 mins long, usually featuring 2 different diary reads on a similar topic, like Prom or Summer Vacation.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Miscellaneous 

Terrible, Thanks for Asking: Nora McInerny is the host of this podcast. It’s about how terrible things are sometimes in life. Nora and guests just talk about the horrible things that have happened to them, like death of loved ones, abuse, mental illness, etc. Obviously, it’s not a casual, feel good listen, it is not for everyone and I would advise some people to not listen to this ever, but it’s emotional and raw and important. The episodes are 40ish minutes long.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Nancy: This is a relatively new podcast, as of August 2017 there are 19 episodes. It’s about the LGBTQ+ community and issues, hosted by Kathy Tu and Tobin Low. The first episode, for example, is about Kathy’s coming out story, and how she needs to constantly come out to her mother who isn’t listening to her. These two hosts are really fun, and so are their guests, and i’m sure that LGBTQ+ listeners will relate to their conversations.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Strangers: Podcast host Lea Thau tells stories about strangers. Or at least they’re strangers to you. It’s not as depressing as “Terrible Thanks for Asking”... usually. Episodes are anywhere between 20 and 50 minutes. Her “Love Hurts” series might be a good place to start, although it isn’t her typical episode structure, but it’s all about her interviewing exes about why they didn’t work out. This podcast is usually good about content warnings.

[Website] [Soundcloud] and in iTunes Store.

Mystery Show: Podcast host Starlee Kine solves weird mysteries like what is Jake Gyllenhaal’s real height, or a video rental store that disappeared in 1 day, or the owner of a really really cool belt buckle found on the ground years ago. There’s only 6 episodes, and there won’t be more. They’re between 25 and 70 minutes long.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

Harry Potter and the Sacred Text: The tagline for this is “What if we read the books we love as if they were sacred texts?”. Hosts Vanessa Zoltan and Casper ter Kuile discuss one chapter of Harry Potter per episode, and analyse it using techniques usually reserved for religious texts. The hosts are Religious and Divinity scholars. Episodes are half an hour long, and as of June 2017 they are about halfway through the Prisoner of Azkaban.

[Website] and in iTunes Store.

[sleepymarmot]

The Untamed liveblog, eps. 39-45

And now, today’s portion.

39

I thought I understood what was going on, but now I am confused again.

When is this flashback happening, when did Xiao Xinchen finally recognize Xue Yang? Song Lan's body is still fresh on the ground, but in the previous flashback they walked away, and he clearly didn't realize what happened immediately.

Also I don't understand the timeline. Xue Yang killed Chang Ping in revenge for Xiao Xinchen, did I get that right? So why did it happen 16 years ago, before Xue Yang met Xinchen in Yi City or could get his sword?

So what happens to Xinchen's (comatose, presumably?) body? Just lie forever in that coffin, untouched by time?

After the previous episode I assumed Xue Yang arranged WWX's resurrection and was the black-clad figure and the source of demonic infection in episode 1. Is that correct? This episode didn't elaborate.

Confused again. Whose body was in the coffin under magical suppression?

Hell yeah I think the Yuan reveal is about to happen

"Late night talks", huh? At least Xichen didn't play dumb and pretend he doesn't know who this is about, which is what I feared.

"He doesn't have any traces of having practiced this spell on his body." And you would know all about his body, wouldn't you. What a TMI thing to say in front of your little brother! This conversation keeps getting more and more scandalous.

Jokes aside, is the subtext intentional? "Late night talks" can't be simply a product of mistranslation or my dirty mind! It's not even that I particularly wanted this to happen, this relationship in the flashback looked to me like a simple mentor/protege with only a potential for something more. Oh, and it's worrying because only virgins survive in this show. Look at Yanli, she got laid and died only a year later!

Oh, don't tell me the series will end with Xichen nobly sacrificing his life for the Big Bad he believes to be good! (The only worse option: purposefully abandoning his morals for love.) On the other hand, the parallel with LWJ deciding to trust WWX despite what the entire world was telling him...

Oh good, Xichen didn't suddenly become an idiot and actually recognized WWX, I was starting to worry

Jesus, all of that was only one episode?!

40

WHY ARE YOU TWO TRYING TO HAVE A SECRET DATE RIGHT NEXT ROOM TO THE KIDS YOU'RE SUPERVISING

why do you keep asking how LWJ recognized you? You were dressed in your usual outfit and used your usual techniques? How could anyone who knew you even a bit not recognize you?!

oh I'm loving the Tension(tm) in the scenes with JC and JGY at the entrance

Glad WWX is not the most embarrassing person at this party!

God I don't think I ever realized that Ling knew the real Mo Xuanyu and he treated WWX as the person he already knew and disliked. Should I rewatch all their scenes together?!

Aww, helping his nephew to win a fight!

"My uncle always tells me to not fight, but you are encouraging me to do so." Oh lmao

"When you grow older, you'll find that the number of people you want to beat up will increase. At that time, you'll have no choice but to be on good terms with those people. So while you're still young, you should give those people you hate a good beating." Absolutely crying at this piece of wisdom

I love how the present-day show is a buddy comedy about paranormal investigators (who are in love)

What?? Am I hearing this right, is the affair actual canon?? They can acknowledge that homosexuality exists in this series??? Only if it's "disgusting to the point of vomiting", I guess...

Wait, what? Who's Ah Song? Did I completely misunderstand where the conversation was going?

"Ah Su, I really didn't have a second path to walk back then. Originally, I was going to hide this forever from you, not let you know about this matter. But this plan has been completely destroyed by the person who told you." Well I guess I misunderstood.

Yikes, an entire torture chamber?

41

Is Guangyao playing dumb or is he truly not familiar with the concept "people don't like it when someone is being a bloodthirsty, sadistic lil bitch"?

Oh, so WWX can't wield his sword normally, but can via the paper man?

42

"It uses a person’s full spiritual consciousness as the price to heal an extremely injured person." Oh my god is THIS how Jiang Cheng learns the truth lmao

Lovely detail: LWJ pauses playing an unfamiliar song to turn the page of the sheet music

43

I didn't realize WWX's reputation wounded him so much he doesn't even want to learn the truth anymore

How many times per episode can you play the main song? How are the characters in-universe not sick of it yet?

Oh really, the settlement in Yiling was one of the worst times in your life?

I can't believe they're still delaying the Yuan reveal. If this doesn't happen while he's literally in the same place WWX raised him...

44

Wow, I had nothing to say the entire episode! I must be getting tired. WWX doing a Poirot speech is always nice to see, I guess. Also shout out to JGY for trying to murder EVERYONE except his boyfriend, that was a pretty bold move.

45

Can't believe Wen Ning figured it out before WWX...

I don't understand why WWX and LWJ don't discuss their child? Is WWX really still out of the loop? Why is LWJ refusing to explain anything?

Oh shit! Are we finally about to see the Sanrens?

Well, if there's something I REALLY didn't expect from the show, then it's rape and necrophilia on screen. Oh cool, and incest too.

--

Welp. Am I just tired, or did the show become kinda boring after the revelations about JGY and the emotional scenes Xichen had about him? The plot slowed to a crawl, everyone stands around, discusses JGY's numerous crimes, and refuses to discuss Suzhui's parentage. Or WWX’s lack of spirit ability -- seriously, are you telling me neither his brother nor his soulmate have figured it out yet?!

Also I resent (though am not surprised at all) that sex is only brought up in the context of sex crimes to make a villain look more depraved. Well congratulations, you win, I like him less now! 

At least I wasn't completely delusional -- that the letter WAS about sex. I just wasn’t thinking of the right taboo. My bad for assuming anything gay could be allowed to be canon, even as a villainous trait!

I keep waiting for some clever plot twist that isn’t likely to come and shake up the plot. I resent the writers for going with “it was a mistake to help someone visibly abused; he probably made it up for attention anyway; but even if he didn’t, he deserved it”, and a part of me keeps hoping this will be subverted, even if the rational part of my brain knows it’s not going to happen.

[theseventhhex]

Das Body Interview

Das Body

Photo by Hsiang Hsiang Wang

Out of the greyer climes of Oslo - particularly East Oslo with its drizzly expanse of apartment blocks and gas stations stocked with Kent cigs and smut mags - has suddenly come a burst of colour by the name of Das Body. Das Body has emerged with plenty of buzz from local fests and press and a debut EP release is finally here. Their synths and rhythms enter with a rather classic 80s familiarity but quickly take a turn for a sort of new-new-wave. Elsewhere, the melodies melt at places and wrinkle at the edges. The vocals warble and waver, and occasionally reach into higher, alien pitches. Das Body is writing pop music without the sentimentality that oversweetens so much currently on radio rotation. Instead, to their vulnerability, they mix in a little vulgarity, or a little light-heartedness. Now, with their hat in the ring, Das Body brings a uniquely Nordic odd-pop that is, nonetheless, destined for charts the world over… We talk to Ellie Linden about songwriting styles, cooking and YouTube binges…

TSH: When you guys formed Das Body, what sort of ideas and ambitions did you initially have in mind for the band’s vision?

Ellie: Das Body started with me and Kim years ago, and at that point we didn’t really have a set vision. I just knew I wanted to make music, and Kim did too. We obviously wanted it to get somewhere, but we weren’t really thinking about that during those early stages. I just thought it was fun and I wanted to learn more. It was creative in a very intense way, and I started looking at music differently. For me the beginning was a growth period where I had to learn more about my voice and find my character, once I did that the music started flowing. Things started falling into place. I guess Das Body the band didn’t really form in full until we got all members of the band in, which was barely a year ago now.

TSH: How would you assess and summarise the band dynamic when new music is coming together?

Ellie: When it comes to songwriting it has mostly been Kim and I. It’s been like that for years, but once Patrik and Didrik came into the picture we of course wanted them to become a part of the writing. The EP consists of older songs, but for the next album I’m really looking to switching it up and having it sound more like the other boys as well. It’s important to have the music you’re playing feeling like it’s your own, I certainly believe that anyways. We could choose to be a band that just hands out sheet music to musicians for concerts, but I absolutely prefer having a band. One where everybody gets to play something that feels a bit like them. I mean, the band already feels like a family, but I’m always up for getting even tighter.

TSH: What sort of motivations do you primarily draw upon when you’re writing lyrics?

Ellie: You know how it is when you start learning a lot about something, and you start to dissect and analyse everything related to it? That happened to me when I started writing lyrics. I realised I was bored of lyrics always having to mean so much, and being packed with metaphors and declarations of love or hate. And I thought about how all my favourite lyrics weren’t lines that were incredibly poetic or had some deeper meaning. They were lines that made a vibe that added something to the song as an element with all the other components. I don’t want to add a poem on top of my song, I want something that’s very much part of the song, just like a guitar or synth riff. Another thing is the musicality of the words. If I’ve made a killer vocal line, I’m not gonna ruin that just because I want to have a certain lyric there. The sound of it is way more important to me, so if I record a really great line with improvised lyrics, there’s a chance I’m going to keep the amount of syllables and possibly even the vowels. Which vowels and consonants you use can be very defining for the character of the vocals, and certain vowels are easier to sing when you’re singing really high notes, and different ones for lower notes. Sometimes I even keep the entire improvised line because I fall in love with exactly how it sounds, and it won’t matter if it makes sense or not. They often fit the song well though, as I get inspired by the song and its vibe when I record, and I blend it with my current state of mind or what I’ve been thinking of that day. But I’ve been told people can’t make out what I’m singing anyway so maybe none of this matters, haha!

TSH: When you overlook your self-titled EP, what does it convey to you overall?

Ellie: To me, it really conveys the journey through the past few years, though that sounds cheesy and loads of artists say it. But it’s true though, isn’t it? Any piece of art will always sum up the time it took to make it in one way or another. We’ve had all of the EP tunes for a long time, pretty much since the beginning. Back then they sounded quite different though. I pretty much used these four songs to experiment, try and fail, and eventually they were the ones I found my answers through. These are also the only four songs we kept from those early days before we started Das Body.

TSH: With the track ‘Graceland’, were you looking to evoke a certain mood?

Ellie: The very first idea for ‘Graceland’ evoked a certain mood in us and it felt right to keep going with that feeling. So right in fact, that even after years of working on it, it ended up giving off the same vibe as that very first idea. With the balance between the hard, repetitive drum beat, the comforting synths and the slightly alien, daydreamy vocals, it strikes us the same way today as it did when we started. I’d say the mood of the song is dark and cold, but not uninviting. It’s driving at full speed at night with a backdrop of neon lights. I love the sense of urgency and panic created by holding back, before releasing it all in the outro.

TSH: Also, what sort of memories come to mind when you think about the song ‘Know My Name’?

Ellie: In ‘Know My Name’ there are a lot of different experiences described in the lyrics. When I think of ‘Know My Name’, there’s immediately a montage playing in my head of all these memories. It’s me as a kid in the summer breeze sitting on the grass behind the gas station while my dad was getting the car washed, because I was too afraid to go through the wash tunnel. It’s me falling in love with a person I just met. It’s me as a teen at a concert with my favourite band crying my heart out, as happy and as sad as I’ve ever been at the same time, so much that it felt like my insides hurt. That ache is what ‘Know My Name’ makes me feel each time I hear it. But in a good way. Mostly!

TSH: When it comes to the band’s synth influences – do you look to incorporate certain styles of instrumentation?

Ellie: I think at this point we all have enough musical experience to have developed our own styles. We have different instruments we prefer and different ways of making those instruments sound like we prefer. So we try to just do what the four of us want, and whatever feels right. I think artists have to be careful with being too much in their head about their music and inspirations. We create in the way that we consume. Considering we today have basically got all the music in the world at our fingertips, we’re able to consume very different types of music and lots of it. So it makes sense that we’re all going to absorb the different things we like and learn from them.

TSH: In what ways do your Oslo surroundings impact your music?

Ellie: Thinking about it, ‘Graceland’ is probably the song that is the most “Oslo” to me, like sitting in that car driving at night speeding through the streets, those are the streets of Oslo for me. In fact, the general vibe in ‘Graceland’ is very much like Oslo at night. It feels almost desolate at times; around any corner you can suddenly be faced with complete darkness, no street lights, no window lights and no people. It’s that hint of fear and loneliness, but you still feel at home. That’s very much ‘Graceland’ to me. I’m sure the culture and the scenery has made our music sound reminiscent of Oslo in some way, but it’s difficult for me to hear how. This is just base camp for me, this is what’s normal. It’s fun to imagine though, how our EP would’ve sounded had we all been born in Portugal or Arizona instead.

TSH: Which factors do you bear in mind most when you perform live?

Ellie: My performance onstage is very much a natural thing that just happens. I listen to our music as we play, and if it makes me feel like shaking from head to toe I’ll shake, and if it makes me want to stare ominously into the crowd then I’ll do that. I want to convey the music as well as I can, to be an extension of the songs. If I were to sit on a bar stool through the whole set or have Britney Spears-style choreographed dancing, that would be a complete mismatch and take people out of the experience (though I would be down for the latter example and some backup dancers!). Instead I decided to just not give a shit and do whatever I wanted to onstage, and that is what works for our live show.

TSH: What are you mostly passionate about outside of music?

Ellie: I dabble in a lot of different hobbies, but what I love to do the most is cooking. I don’t have a lot of time for most of my hobbies as I want to spend my creative energy on the music, but I still have to eat, right? So when I get a free evening I love to make unnecessarily complicated dishes in my tiny, one meter long kitchen with two cooktop burners and no oven.

TSH: Also, what gets viewed most on your Netflix and YouTube binges?

Ellie: I’m not on Netflix that much anymore; I’ve gone back to how it was before Netflix, the good old downloading days (legally ofc!). I do love to watch the same shows several times though, and recently I’ve been rewatching This Is England, which is one of my favourite shows. I also recently noticed that people online everywhere were talking about binge watching Chopped like their life depended on it, so I downloaded it and before I knew it I had watched 4 seasons. Now I finally get the memes. I’m not on YouTube anymore either, but when I do I always fall down the rabbit hole. I’ll start with a simple let’s play and suddenly I’ve learned how to make a bento box and then I’ll end up at this vocal coach reviewing the best and worst performances of famous singers. The last one taught me a few tips and tricks actually, so sometimes you get something out of a night of YouTube and then sometimes you get a depraved craving to watch Vine compilations for three hours. You know how that goes. Honestly, Vine shutting down would’ve been some Library of Alexandria business if it hadn’t been for people saving every single Vine and posting them back online.

TSH: Tell us more about members of the band going for an H&M catalogue look on your Instagram?

Ellie: Haha! One day I noticed that Patrik and I were dressed very alike, and we looked very phresh so we posed and took a picture. Immediately upon seeing that top notch commercial modelling, I had to slap a mild sepia filter on there and I wrote the caption “hit us up, H&M catalogue, we ready”. Still waiting to hear from them though...

TSH: You’ve stated previously that this choice of career ‘is all for fun’, with this in mind, what makes you feel most content about taking this journey?

Ellie: Well, when you phrase it like that, what I’m most happy with is that is has really been a lot of fun! It’s a lot of work, way more than you think as a kid when you glamorise the life of a pop star. I’ve been saying lately that it feels like I have two full-time jobs, one by day and one by night. They are very different though, as the music is super rewarding and worth every minute spent working. Can’t really complain when I’m doing what I want to do! Seriously though, I love my boys, I’m really proud of how far we’ve gotten and I can’t wait to keep doing this for years and years to come.

Das Body - EP

[sh-lan]

OMFG LAST QUARTER EVER + some spring break stuff???

Took a weekend off of life Retail therapy at its finest today Even though new jeans were overdue

It’s crazy how it still came I guess it’s a force of nature But omg it’s gonna be here on the concert T^T

This nerd would have mitsuha’s theme on his playlist smh #nochu

April 2nd, 2017 BTS Wings Tour I still can’t believe it happened I’ve been awake since 8am lol and it’s like 1:54am and i’m still trying to process and remember everything that happened today It felt like a dream! I can’t believe I saw them in real life. ohmygod Hands down, easily one of the best day of this week - if not this entire year so far holy shit will continue this tomorrow as i reminisce ok but one thing i noticed is that jungkook’s thighs are actually so real like wtf? shookt EDIT: lol i never finished this but oh well

oop i just bought more rings goodbye money

my charger broke gg time to get another one

I have a newfound appreciation for the color pink or more like my appreciation for pink is coming back

When you get anxious because bts hasnt posted on twitter for 3 days but then you also know they’re resting and that they deserve this break

SPRING QUARTER LEGGO tu/th schedule let’s hope this all works well keke

week 1 recap tuesday - sees everybody in freaking AB LOL sees harry after walking out of my tdpw sees alana and dylan outside my global health class which alana is also taking, and becca and tanya lOL goes to cogs 122 to find chen screaming my name - also vania and stella <3 last class is normal - with nobody in management BUT LOL LEIGHTON ADDED THE CLASS ON THURSDAY HAHA there’s also this girl in my tdpw class who looks like lindsay lohan and her name is also lindsey but with an e cause i saw it on the email lol not a stalker

Decided to gel nails it out friday of week 1 whut whut

First attempt at 양념치킨~

been using the soundtrack of your name this past week to get over pcd it’s been a week and i still haven’t recovered T^T

went to kbbq with harry! lol week 1 sunday started at manna….having an adventure in between at manna keke “started here and ending it here?” LOL

currently craving anything strawberry

don’t understand why i need to have my email as a send&receive in order to sms to work on my laptop bb why are you being stubborn when you’ve been working fine all this time

under yuri’s recommendation, i microwaved my coffee because it was lukewarm and she called me extra LOL

i’m getting nervous about a presentation when i shouldn’t be because ?? my AB service leader self is like completely gone i wanna crawl into a hole

i just finished season 2 and 3 of htgawm in less than a week… how they gonna do season 4 i wonder

Week 2 thursday I was actually really looking forward to class today Also my rings came! Though were they worth the $50….not so sure Were they cute? Yes But not as cute as the other one T^T So i mustnt give in to temptations nowww

I found out what matcha powder mom uses to make their matcha latte Cappuccine frappe mix But it’s sadly not on amazon ):

This new tumblr function is really inconvenient cause i cant tell how many thing i have on queue brcause i have to keep switching blogs -_-

Han came to visit! Friday Papa johns Saturday Snooze brunch Infinitea Abeh hangout In n out Sunday Aquarium! Koon thai Ramen yamadaya Boba bar and then i drove him to irvine where we got coco curry! and then i drove back and he bought me milk tea with pudding

Had an epiphany It’s not anenome It’s anemone

Omg but like why dont people call spoiler alerts “spoilerts”

Started 13 reasons why with Han Finished it, tuesday week 3 Hmmm How to feel

finished strong woman park hyung sik is so…adorable? IT’S SO WEIRD. HIS AEGYO LEVEL IS INSANE

When you realize that 둘! 셋! is probably the title of the fan song because that’s what BTS always say when they introduce themselves And that BTS + ARMY forever ㅠㅠㅠㅠ I’m not crying r u crying ;___;

어떻게

Omg when you wake up for reorientation and jungkook does lives <3

highkey need to crawl into a hole tbh

You know what i want to do? Go to an olive garden Even though i know it’ll taste bad lol

Not really sure what i want… But i dont want my 4 years to be a waste ):

i….skipped out on an interview today was it the right choice i may never know

most recent ep of snk got me fucked up SOMEONE TELL ME WHAT YMIR AND CHRISTA’S RELATIONSHIP IS WHO IS CHRISTA

Lol i hella bombed my quiz GOODBYE GONNA P/NP HAHA

Week 4 weekend Fuck me in the ass i twisted my ankle and i am in irvine had to pop an advil and cruise control all the way back thank god there weren’t many cars lol 0/10 do not recommend

Slept on the couch the past two days to elevate my ankle Glad to be back in bed But i think i might be a little…sick? Fuck Need to grocery shop

Dammit i got called for jury duty

Ok but i twisted my ankle and two recruiters emailed me back the next day so was it really a loss

Week 5 i’m sick…

just watched 5 centimeters per second a little sadder than i was an hour ago

fuck i forgot that my jeans are new and i washed it and my pink shirt is ruined fml triggered

thursday after rolling over ma ankle i can finally see that it is a lil swollen and there is bruising LOL also saw an owl at school today and a bunny while leaving to go to meeting

week 5 tuesday saw two bunnies on my way out to school

I just saw two hummingbirds! 😍

I cant believe yuri and i finished twenty SMH

ABCD today Some qualitee photos were taken Im tired now

Really debating the 4th term

third day of back pain flexibility dying wow what is happening???

…..army 4th term is $75 cries EDIT: it’s $66 because i forgot exchange rate but still cri EDIT EDIT: it’s $45 if i ship it to taiwan - seriously really highkey considering that now oh dear

bro i think i just experienced katawaredoki whut

i keep thinking that my ankle is ok but i always end up doing something that ends up hurting it like hella im

Week 6 thursday last leadership meeting one of my favorite meetings because whoa INFORMATION!? it was nice wanted to discuss and add in my two cents but i honestly just wasn’t able to wrap my head around everything loool then…we decided to go to PB LOL chen, jeong, yuri, justin and his friends (including nicole, nicole, sandy) and then more people. we also met leslie, brett, dexter, allison, kenny, peter, abby, ben…and more? at pb lolol and also we saw miguel and anthony - it was like a freshman year flashback tbh lOL went to vallartas after and then came home to shower and finally sleep at 3:30am wot is life NEXT DAY ADVENTURES - leighton and i finally pulled out the weeds and now we’re tired

salty that i wasnt invited to the birthday celebration, not that i would really make the trip per say but wtf gurl

I just had this really sad thought that i’m probably never gonna ever get to know bts like friends y i do dis to meself

Wait so like i got sick while at clew’s and it didnt happen until week 5 and so i was sick from week 5 through week 6 and at this one point i couldnt taste my food it was terribad

May 12th I bought the membership LOL Hopefully it mails it correctly back to Taiwan ☺️

im dumb i didn’t save the color i wanted for my hair

omg the song vania recommended to me a few days ago was recommended by jungkook like a year or so ago on twitter lOOOOL

Just tryna level up here :<

Struggles when places are in the east coast and phone calls are early in the fckin morning

Note to self: Ridge cut potato chips with sea salt is good for stuff with dip Ridge cut salt and pepper is good for regular eating, but gets salty at the bottom LOL EDIT: per vania’s suggestion, i salted and peppered my chips

watching jungkook’s vlive AND HE JUST HARMONIZED WITH HIMSELF IM DED

Just woke up from a dream where someone hurt my brother/nade him fall and i was so angry? Was about to go ape shit on that person im ded lol who is rhis angry me

Rewatched and finished reply 1997 Wow what is life when yoon jae is life But also what is life when your idols are life Daily reminder to not be as obsessed as shiwon LOLOL

i can’t go to giraffage and elephante anymore im on the otherhand i get to go to virginia???

lol but like i haven’t been writing drafts because i often write in my notebook now but here are some updates - my nails are constantly chipping - forgot about grad photos that clashed with the weekend han is coming - im ded because i probs won’t have a weekend to myself until week 10 - struggles to figure out graduation things - paid my $54 to walk #mostexpensivewalkever

LAST LEADERSHIP MEETING (turnover) what am i going to do with my thursday nights now? it’s been a good run

Jealous of the staff that holds and records the camera during vlives? LOL who am i

When you forget that jeon jungkook did taekwondo before Hnnnngh

i just reaffirmed? or discovered? that i don’t like fruity pebbles o_o

Trying to think of a thing to put on my grad cap Tis hard Let’s make a list: 花樣年華 Strong power thank you You never walk alone Ireumeun deborah LOL Lol omg but why is yoongi’s “cheater never win but i just graduated” quote so appropriate for grad EXTRA + ORDINARY* Lost my way/found my way* Click clack to the bang Smile with me, cry with me, fly with me (you make me begin, you made me again) Ctrl+c, ctrl+v do you know “____” (hci? annyeonghasaeyo) To lose your path, Is the way to find that path* 꽃길만 걷자* Let’s fly with our beautiful wings in 2017 EDIT: i’m too lazy, i didn’t do anything to my cap lOL

Im shookt cause namjoon doesnt say 이제 feelin the vibe. HE SAYS IF YOU FEELIN THE VIBE. I feel…betrayed

Non whitewashed bangtan gives me life

May 21st My first haircut since… Since i got it cut over the summer?????

Bought me stole and tassel today Smh that i cant grab my muir tickets?? Cause i ordered all commencwment tickets SMH

Lowkey afraid of not passing mgt LOL

Omfg i knew we were going to have a pop quiz. It really happened

nicole and evelyn commented that they liked my hair and audrey and malia agreed i gotta say i’m so glad people remember me in my tdpw class LOOL

Cant get the seventeen song outta my head Shookt by the choreography

Y'all im so fckin shookt First the chainsmokers post on twitter like “see you in the summer” Then they win the BBMAs like a boss Then you see them on halsey + steve aoki’s snapchat Next things you know steve aoki is postin shit like “BTS x AOKI COMING SOON” Im SCREAMING

Yo my lyft driver dropped some knowledge again and told me his life story lmao he was a police officer in chicago and he was forced to retired and then ?? after chasing down a rapist and getting into a fight, he was seriously injured. but his dad (a judge or someone powerful idk) forced him out of retirement by telling everyone to not give him his benefits and shit and i was like. whoa bro. slow down? “embrace the unknown”

I finally tried the coconut black tie at peet’s 10/10 a mistake

Okay but can we talk about how on point everybody looked in the comeback Esp wonwoo and dk But also vernon 👌🏼

First time in virginia/ being so close to washington dc! Whoa Also gonna pass by texas too :O Knocking some states off my list

I WITNESSED MY FIRST CIRCLE RAINBOW THINGY ON THE PLANE FROM VIRGINIA TO DALLAS TODAY HOLY IT WAS V COOL

i don’t know why i never realized this about myself before but i need to be/live by a body of water at all times or i won’t feel comfortable this is weird

i told han i joined the fanclub and he like died for like 2 seconds lOL

ok but like i bought a carton of eggs and 6 or 7 of them were double yolks and i have 2 more eggs left im starting to think i’m eating some weird hybrid chickens EDIT: those last two eggs were both double yolks. this was a wild adventure

omg i knew that the TA MOST LIKELY RYAN WOULDNT UNDERSTAND OUR IDEA JUST LIKE HOW HE ALWAYS MISINTERPRETS THEM??? like what kind of constructive feedback is that if he doesn’t understand what we’re trying to do im… sigh

Already excited about the festa But like omfg they released the schedule today And just WE DONT TALK ANYMORE PT 2?? SO FAR AWAY FEATURING JIN AND JUNGKOOK? Im IM SCREAMING also sad but the radio show is right before my finals gotta prioritize, no bts fo me ;__;

after waiting two weeks, my application to get leveled up was rejected *cries* time to try again! *^*

okay but really feeling seventeen’s song as well as suran’s song like hIGHKEY

i finally got my commencement tickets the third time that i went to the bookstore third time’s the charm right? also whytf is the parking pass for all campus commencement so huge -_-

hnngh omg that feel when you have hella shit to do TPDW1 final play due week 9 friday because we won’t have class at all on week 10 then there’s the presentation (elevator pitch) that happened today week 9 thursday but also just hauling ass on things for A5 tbh what is this what is everything wot is the meaning of life when vania and i stay up till 3:30am lol… and then there’s me. tired af but didn’t sleep til 4:30 anyways cause i’m a dumbass l e l let’s not be a potato this last week k?

burger king in pc has its own free wifi called WhopperWifi and it’s so much faster than school wifi this is revolutionary

week 9 weekend to irvine irritated on the way over irritated on the way back lol wot is life i should’ve just turned around to go back home

NO TDPW1 WEEK 10 WOOT wow that means i won’t have class until 2pm whoa

“why are you reading math formulas” - yuri i was actually reading bts profiles lOLOL she just dissed their handwritings

Just spent the past hour or so looking at kakao friends merchandise And discovering that apeach is a genetically modified peach lol

that moment when you ask for a png file but get a jpg

dyed my hurr twice today for a darker shade still not what i was going for but this will do for now

Omfg i slept through my alarm until 1pm Goodbye study time?? Also omg i like it pt 2 video SHIT SHIT SHIT THEY KNOW WE BEEN WAITING FOR THIS. HAD IT SINCE BAEPSAE DAYS. BUT DIDNT RELEASE IT. Freakin bighit

My request to level up on the fancafe has once again been rejected ); EDIT: oMFG IT’S BECAUSE I DIDN’T CHANGE THE SETTING TO SOMETHING im screaming, what a first world problem THIRD TIME’S THE CHARM AMIRITE

Doesnt feel like it… But thursday was my last time going to class…pretty much like ever unless i go to more school Holy shit

Oh man I didnt think i’d have THAT much shit. But…i think i have A LOT of shit….

saw bts MBIT and i was like omfg! knew that i was INFJ but took the test again yesterday and ended up INFP….but just barely P so i think i’ll stick with INFJ lol EDIT: i took the test again today because vania and yuri were talking about it again and i am still INFP…and more P this time. SO LOST. WHO AM I

put my things up for sale i forgot that i might need my light el oh el crying on the inside cause i want to keep my desk but then i’m selling it off because i don’t think i’ll have space for it and i just CRYING ON THE INSIDE BECAUSE IT’S BEEN WITH ME FOR SO LONG T^T

ON ANOTHER NOTE. THIRD TIME IS THE CHARM LEVELED UP ON JUNE 12TH AT ONE SOMETHING AM

JUNE 12TH FINISHED MY FIRST AND LAST FINAL I AM OFFICIALLY DONE WITH MY UNDERGRADUATE CAREER??? also lmao i spent 45 min on the final wot

i dyed my hair darker but now it’s become lighter? wait wtf wait no go back EDIT: wait no it went back to being dark? is this a thing? when i get exposed to the sun it gets lighter and when i sleep it gets darker??? smh at light for fckin with me

so i set an alarm to watch the bts home party last night for like 3:57am and i didn’t hear it but i guess i kinda did cause i woke up at 4:05am and was like ??? i decided to watch a bit of it but ended up streaming the whole thing until 5:45am looooool also watched the numbers grow from the 500,000 all the way to 2,000,000 and then 3,000,000? it was nuts

omfg all these years of rereading chapters and only now do i realize that i could save bookmarks on mangahere *slaps forehead*

Moment of silence cause i sold my desk that’s accompanied me for almost 10 years It even has battlescars (aka X marks by Jacky, 3 of them) LOL memories ;___; Oh and i guess my chair too

lol was gonna sell that yamaha guitar for $45 but it’s going for like $190 on ebay?? so ima just bring it home

finals week hangout list: tuesday: fud with kimberly, peyton, harry wednesday: more fud with stephanie and ellius thursday: KBBQ FOR LUNCH with jeong, justin, yuri, harry LOOOOL

and so...that’s the end of the quarter. my last quarter of school ever (unless i decide to go to more school...which seems unlikely as of right now) it feels weird.................................. but! onto graduation~ looking forward to being reunited with family and whatever’s gonna hit me in the face LOL

and with that goodbye undergrad, hello world ㅇㅅㅇ

[courage-a-word-of-justice]

Classicaloid 13 | Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 1 | Masamune-kun’s Revenge 1 | Erased 2 - 5

My streaming site says this show is a reverse harem, and I laugh at it every time I see it.

Trout…? *LOLs, but…*

Well, that’s a piece of transformative fiction I wouldn’t like to write. (In case you don’t know it by my love of magical girls, I love transformations.)

“That bum. Is he planning to eat me?” – Never has a line about a man transformed into a fish made me laugh so hard…probably because I’ve seen a work where a woman gets transformed into an eel, but I’ve never seen man to fish fiction before…

How did fish!Schu get into the washing machine? They’ll probably answer that question anyway, but I wanted to ask it before I found out the answer. Update: They didn’t, but it’s pretty safe to assume he got there the same way fish!Schu got around to other bodies of water.

Of course they’d have a sign saying “Watch out for fire”, knowing Beethes.

Off model fish. Never though I’d complain about a fish’s eyes in animation. Also, isn’t it goldfish with limited mental capacity?

Salmo trutta is at least correct.

Never have I laughed so hard at an animated fish…

Eh? I never questioned what Schu would call Sousuke, but there you go. Also, Sousuke doesn’t know English.

Aw no. I see the clincher coming. Poor Schu.

Pencil frame? In the fish episode? Okay, who had enough budget for that? (incredulous)

I didn’t know that fish gyoza existed until now. I guess I should’ve known.

Hey wait a second. Black bass. Bass are a type of guitar. I see what you did there, Classicaloid staff and Fujita-kantoku. *nods approvingly*

*looks into the “predatory” part of bass* Oops. “Know that you can feed trout to selected sizes of bass.”

Meuniere is the only one I had to check up.

Why is Liszt only scolding the Piece of Junk (Sousuke)? I know she’s done it every other episode but she really has it out for him, doesn’t she?

What the-Okay, you know you’re on to some crazy antics when you have anthropomorphic fish. *still laughs crazily*

Wait, so Liszt is a lionfish. Guess I should’ve known.

Motz is a flying fish. Less predictable, but eh.

Cho-chan is an eel, specifically one found in volcanic vents at the bottom of the sea.

Holy fish, Batman! We found Nemo…er, Kanae.

Okay, I take some of my enjoyment of this ep back, thanks to you Beethes.

Sousuke is a sea snail. LOL.

I like limpets too, but pond snail…? Never heard of it. Sorry for my inaccuracy.

Japanese mystery snail? Now that’s mysterious. Aside from that, I’d never heard of an eel that lived in ponds…LOL, so my knowledge is adapted to sea life but not ponds. Okay then, I learnt something about myself today.

Thank you for your censor head, Beethes. Thank you so very much.

That’s kinda cute. Not only are there bubbles, but there’s the anthropomorphic fish versions of the group popping up (I presume in time to the music), with Sousuke and Kanae covering for Bach/Bada/Tchaiko.

(Masamune-kun’s Revenge 1)

There’s a passing resemblance to One Wish They Never Wanted to this show, so since this anime must’ve come before it, I’m here to compare.

I’m with the girl at 0:31 (Masamune’s sister).

His mum?!

I think the pun is that “Moleo” is also read “Shigeo”, but the middle character is “hair”…so there you have it. *makes Not Bad face but is otherwise not quite convinced by this show*

Wa-wa-wait! Standard practice is that you don’t use your OP in the first ep, isn’t it? You use the ED, but not the OP, and debut the OP and ED in their proper spots in ep 2. This is blasphemy!

OP title: Wagamama means “selfish”, so I think the OP title suits the show well.

Nope, not even hot guys can get away with drooling...not to me, no.

Shuri is best girl in this show.

What is with servant girl’s eyebrows? I swear, if they had another girl in that posse of Aki’s, we’d have a Mean Girls AU on our hands!

Adagaki Aki is the only name I’ll remember once I get out of here, I bet. Only a few times reading synopses of this show, and I already remembered it. I bet I won’t even remember the “Makabe” part of Masamune’s name.

Masamune needs a sign saying “Caution: Do Not Pass By. Dramatic Stare in Progress” or something.

Okay, I need that Mean Girls AU now.

Cat donut. I want one.

Well, if a girl looks around like that so many times, y’think she wouldn’t be hiding something?!

Basically, you turned your protagonist into a male version of a mean girl to upstage a mean girl?...Nice try, but no dice. It’s kinda cliched.

Hypoglycemia? Hmm. It’s not always associated with diabetes, but I tend to associate the two. Speaking of stomachs rumbling, I once sat a test with my stomach basically playing a symphony for the last half…yeah, not gonna think about it.

Then how did Masamune get a photo with Aki?

Oh. It’s nice that he’s keeping Tanabe-kun’s secret. (still not wholly convinced)

Okay: verdict time – it looks pretty, but that Kirito face ain’t doing it for me and neither are Yoshino’s eyebrows. The jokes tend to miss and I’ve got a potential plot hole on my hands. Overall…I could probably handle one more episode of it, and that’s what I’ll take for the sake of its potential.

…*sees “Elemetal World”* Okay, add “a lot of cliches” to the list too.

(Blue Exorcist: Kyoto Saga 1)

Hey, Blue Exorcist. Haven’t seen this since I marathoned the ending 5 episodes or so a few years back. I was wondering how they’d handle the anime-only ending, but they’ve just cut it off like nothing ever happened. It seems a situation much like Noragami, only Noragami��s anime-only ending is much better (IMHO, but YMMV).

…and yes, I’ve read enough of the manga to know this is called the “Impure King Part”, but I’m using the AnimeLab name for convenience. Also, what is up with the complicated kanji? It says “episode 1”, sure, but I didn’t know such complicated kanji existed for “Small Beginnings”. Update: Kyoto Impure King Arc. That’s a better way to explain it.

“Satoru”…haha. (At the time of typing, I was rewatching Erased. LOL)

Considering the name “Saburota” suggests he’s one of at least 3 children, that makes sense.

Celesta (from one of my stories “Next to Me”) is a Shura-type character. I should really take some cues from this Shura for Celesta going forward.

It feels weird seeing the Kyoto trio shrug off Rin’s friendliness now. Must be because I’ve been through this part of the woods once before. Plus did you see they’re on the Nozomi shinkansen? (It’s kinda like this MTR (city express MTR, Hong Kong) or a plane or something…) Someone bothered to translate the ticker to English, even.

Unwilling, LOL.

(Erased ep 2)

It was from this ep that I learnt the Japanese word for “palm (of the hand)”.

Apparently Re:Re got resurrected for Erased? Or am I wrong about this? Update: Yeah, I was wrong.

Mask Man I assme is Kamen Rider or Ultraman, but I dunno what Black is.

The type of backpack Satoru’s got is a randoseru and he had a recorder with it. There’s a manga out there called “Recorder and Randoseru”, IIRC.

Hanba-gu aren’t actually hamburgers. They’re hamburger patties, or to get technical, Hamburg patties.

Since I still haven’t been too badly damaged by a person’s death so far (but eventually I know I will), there’s an undercurrent of melancholy running through this show for me…

How does Erased get away with all these trademarks? Were they in the source material? Plus, I’ve never hear the term “chew the fat” until now. Huh.

The word “hope” is on the back wall lots and lots of times (presumably kids’ calligraphy work), if you didn’t know.

So. The kanji for “palm (of the hand)” that is there during the titlecard is read tenohira. Kinda long, but it’s an advanced kanji. I probably shouldn’t know it as it’s quite the advanced kanji, but hey, I get curious about these sorts of things…

I never understand why there’s occasionally urinal scenes in media. Is it to promote a sense of camaraderie in guys? *shrugs*

McGregor gloves are apparently the ones with all the fingers…? Not sure. Google-sensei wasn’t very definite on it.

I think Satoru goes “youkai” because he suspected his mum of being one there for a second.

The pink on the ground and the yellow of the house…it’s like a colour palette. Only, Kayo will go to danger and Satoru will go home to his house, that isn’t truly his house anymore.

By the way, I’ve liked both Sayuri songs that have been used for anime so far, even if they’re both EDS. When I heard Sayuri was doing the ED for Erased, I liked it even more. (Even still, I only use the name Erased out of convenience. I much prefer the name Boku Dake ga Inai Machi otherwise.)

(ep 3)

This Hamada…I only just finished watching Yuri!!! on Ice a few days back (as of time of typing), and now Hamada reminds me of Yurio.

Yuuki – he reminds me of my dad. My dad has a stuttering problem which makes him sound nervous on occasion. Come to think of it, I was thinking of unique ways to study at one point (I can get bored pretty easily though not to ADHD standards), and as a result made a “biology helper” (visual novel). I made the visual novel around a character who I called Satoru, based on what I learnt about the name for Erased. (Note: Satoru can mean “to perceive” or “to understand”.)

Speaking of visual novels, I think there should be a visual novel for this. An official one that stays faithful to the manga.

Not sure I’ve noticed it until now, but Yuuki has freckles…he looks like Renzou Shima (Blue Exorcist) to me for some reason…

The word for “birthmark” can also mean “bruise”.

Satou is different to Satoru, even if the names are one letter difference.

The bins said “5 – 4” in one shot and “5 の 4” in another. They mean the same thing though.

Is Satoru x Kayo technically a ship? Or not? I’d go “ick!” if Satoru still counted as being his normal age in this timeline, for ships’ sake.

(ep 4)

How can you tease a child about girlfriends when he’s barely old enough to fall in love? (Physically, that is.)

Liveman? Falcon? Okay, who decided on this background chatter?!

Okay…revelation time, before we go forward. Showa Genroku is criminally underrated by the masses, but good enough for an s2. Erased seems to have been more of a public praise while SGRS got it on the critics’ side, and while I consider myself to be more casual than critic, I side with the critics on this. (By the way, I tend to root for the underdog series and also have a critic’s sensibility for series, if you haven’t caught on to that yet. I’m a bit of a paradox in that sense.)

What happened to Satoru’s dad?

At least the “You’re pretty” went down like you’d expect kids to handle it…haha.

Welp, at least the sentence with “pole” (as in “North Pole”) did actually have the kanji for “pole” in it. If this were an English lesson though, the kid would’ve gotten an X. (Remember, O is the way to say “correct” on schoolwork in Japan.)

Uh…using my standard conversion, 5000 yen = $50. That’s a lot of sandwiches…

(ep 5)

Back to griping about CGI cars for me…

The Last Supper? Surely, the only meaning for that being there must be a symbolic one.

The manager is basically playing the role of Satoru here…awkwaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaard.

Cafeteria? The kanji means that, but wouldn’t it be better to call it a “restaurant”?

ONE PUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNCH! Hahaha.

“Majin” can mean “demon god” with the right kanji.

The pencil frames make for a good contrast.