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homeofthelonelywriter · 1 month

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Let's call it Fate | Part 4

(A/N) Starting to go somewhere...I hate myself for the slow burn, don't worry.

Pairing: Cardinal Copia x Reader (no Y/N)

Warning: google translate translations, abusive parents (especially mother), arranged marriage, age gap, bullying, talk of grandparents and death of a grandparent, misstreatment of Ghouls ;-;

The moment Cardinal Copia announced that class was over and it was time for lunch, you slumped down on your desk. You had always prided to be smart, well-read. But Latin really got you to doubt all that. Of course, this was just the first lesson and it was a quick introduction of what you’d cover over the course of the next few months, but you were already done. If you didn’t know better, you’d ask why you had to learn a dead language. But you knew better. You knew that most of the satanic prayers used in the Ministry were in Latin. So knowing the language made sense, but it didn’t make it any easier.

Out of the corner of your eyes, you saw the Cardinal moving in your direction. Everyone else had left by that point, or so you thought.

“You okay, girly?”

You looked up and saw Lila standing beside you, an empathetic smile on her lips. She held out her hand, pulling you up as soon as you placed yours in hers.

“Let’s grab some food, yeah? Will make you feel better.”

While she was talking, you risked a quick glance toward Cardinal Copia. He was frozen, a few steps away from your table, watching you. When your eyes met, he smiled and nodded, which you quickly returned before focusing on Lila again.

“Sounds like a good idea.”

She smiled and linked her arm with yours before pulling you out of the classroom and toward the mess hall. On the way, you passed the same Ghouls that were in the classroom earlier. You quickly waved to them, before Lila dragged you further along, noticing the taller one wave back just before you rounded a corner.

When you entered the mess hall, you quickly noticed how full it was, a stark contrast to that morning. Lila and you immediately got into queue, loading food onto your plates as soon as you had the chance. Once both of you were satisfied with the amount of food you got, you searched for a place to sit. Your eyes immediately landed on the table you had sat at during breakfast, and seeing that it was almost empty, you led Lila there.

“Is it okay if we sit here?”

The members of the Ministry nodded and Lila and you sat down, quickly digging in. You were ready to spend lunch in silence, but Lila had other plans.

“Latin’s already giving you trouble, eh?”

She chuckled when you sighed and nodded.

“How is it not giving you trouble?”

She shrugged, piercing half of a tomato with her fork, before lifting the cutlery and waving it in the air.

“My parents started teaching me when I was a child. It’s true what they say, learning stuff is easier the younger you are.”

“Yeah, well that would’ve been quite useful. But hey, these violin lessons really paid off…not.”

Lila chuckled.

“Just give it time. It looks worse than it is. And if you need help, just let me know, I’m sure we can squeeze in some extra lessons.”

Her words lifted some of the weight off your shoulders. Knowing you could rely on her, have her as a friend made you feel better than you had in days.

You spent the rest of lunch with Lila rambling on about her life back home and how much she hated most of the people in the group. How arrogant they were and how a certain someone just couldn’t keep his hands to himself. You expected as much, but you still felt annoyed when she told you about how Noah had come on to every single girl in the group.

In response, you told her about how you’re in an arranged marriage with him.

“WHAT?”

You quickly shushed her, as you suddenly felt a lot of eyes on you.

“Your parents suck!”

“Yeah, you could say that.”

She was quiet for a few minutes, her knife dangling between her fingers as she stared at it deep in thought.

“You know…dead guys can’t marry…”

Your eyes widened at her words, but she quickly burst out laughing when she saw your face.

“Nah, I’m just joking. Unless…”

You chuckled and shook your head. If only that was a viable solution. Sure, you were in a satanic church, but murder is something that isn’t accepted, not even here.

“Anyway, what-”

Lila was interrupted by a soft bell sounding through the mess hall. And when you checked your watch you noticed that it was one p.m., time to start work.

The two of you quickly brought back your plates, before saying goodbye. You watched Lila run off before you turned to look at the head table, searching for Papa Primo, but he wasn’t there. Cardinal Copia, Papa Secondo, Papa Terzo, and Sister Imperator were all there, but there was no sign of the oldest brother.

You quickly made your way across the hall, bowing your head in respect once you were close.

“Ah, what can I do for you, my child?”

You stopped dead in your tracks when you heard Papa Terzo address you. Once you lifted your head, you couldn’t help but let your gaze wander across the people in front of you, not sure what to say.

“I…uhm…”

The current Papa chuckled as he got to his feet.

“Oh, no need to be nervous, piccola. Tell your Papa what worries you.”

He took slow, calculated steps toward you. Steps that almost seemed flirtatious.

“Terzo…”

You looked up, your eyes meeting Cardinal Copia’s. His gaze flickered from you to his brother, hardening whenever it would land on the current Papa.

“My apologies, Papa. I meant to talk to Cardinal Copia, I have a question for him. I’m very sorry.”

Papa Terzo immediately froze, a confused frown on his face.

“Are you sure I can’t help you?”

Behind Papa Terzo, you watched Cardinal Copia stand up as he glared at his brother.

“I am sure you could help me, Papa. But I wouldn’t want to steal your time for such a trivial matter.”

That seemed to appease Papa Terzo, as he smiled and nodded, before motioning for his brother to join me. Your gaze immediately flickered to the Cardinal and you couldn’t help but giggle as you caught him rolling his eyes at his brother’s theatrics. As he walked by Papa Terzo, Cardinal Copia bowed his head in respect, but as soon as he had reached you and was out of earshot from the others, he began rambling in Italian. You tried to hide the smile on your face but were unsuccessful.

“Does he amuse you, cara?”

You chuckle, nodding.

“A little. He is…very self-assured. And flirtatious.”

Cardinal Copia nodded, finally stopping and fully turning to look at you.

“So, what can I help you with?”

You suddenly remember why you even approached the table in the first place.

“I didn’t see Papa Primo at lunch today, so I wondered if someone brought him food? I assume he’s in the greenhouse.”

“Si, one of the Ghouls usually brings him a plate. The way from the Ministry to the greenhouse is too uh…estenuante to make it multiple times a day.”

You nodded, before glancing at the buffet. There was still a good amount of food left.

“Do you know if the Ghoul has already left? If not I can grab the plate and bring it to Papa Primo, I’m headed down there anyway.”

The Cardinal smiled and nodded, walking to the buffet with you following.

“He likes spicy food, probably because he can’t gusto that well anymore.”

He grabbed one of the plates and started loading some of the curry that was served on it, along with rice. He then walked over to the dessert section and grabbed another, smaller plate.

“He also has a massive golosi, uh…sweet tooth.”

He grabbed a glass of chocolate mousse with a berry topping as well as two pieces of chocolate cake. While the Cardinal finished up, you went and grabbed a tray, bringing it back so you could carry everything down at once. Together, you filled the tray with the two plates, as well as a glass of water, a glass of juice, and some cutlery.

“Thank you cara.”

You smiled and bid your goodbye, before making your way to the greenhouse. Thankfully, you knew how to get around by now. Within a few minutes, you reached the door that led outside, and once you pushed that open, you were at the greenhouse in no time.

“Papa Primo? I brought you lunch.”

You gently pushed the door open, walking in to find Papa Primo sitting at the table you had shared fruit at the day before. He perked up as soon as you entered, a soft smile on his face.

“Ah, tesoro. Grazie mille.”

With a gentle thud, you set down the tray in front of him. He immediately picked up the cutlery and started eating. He must’ve been hungry.

“Do you…always have to wait until after lunch for someone to bring you food?”

The old man shrugged with a smile on his face.

“I’m already being catered to, I won’t complain about having to wait a bit.”

You nodded in understanding, before looking around. Everything seemed to be in order within the greenhouse, you weren’t sure what you were supposed to do.

“Well, tell me what to do boss.”

Papa Primo chuckled, looking you up and down for a second, before turning back to his food.

“Before we start, you should probably change. Don’t want you to get your habit all dirty and sweaty.”

You hadn’t even thought about that. But on the other hand, you weren’t sure what to change into. Sure, you brought some stuff with you, but nothing sturdy enough for some yard work.

“The Ghouls should have brought something to your room by now. Go, take your time and when you’re ready, come back here. And don’t forget to grab some acqua from the mess hall on the way. It is going to be a hot day.”

With a nod, you left and quickly made your way back to your room. Once there, you found a new uniform lying on your bed. It was a black overall made of thick but breathable material. You quickly changed, putting on a black shirt underneath, before pulling the straps over your shoulders. You also put on the new pair of boots that were sitting underneath the window. Before you left your room, you glanced in the mirror and decided to put your hair up in a ponytail.

As Papa Primo had asked, you grabbed a few water bottles before returning to the greenhouse. Once there, Primo pointed to a small cooler, where you put the bottles.

“It’s not much, but it will keep them freshi for longer.”

You nodded before turning back to look at him, awaiting his command.

He spent the next two hours giving you an introduction to the greenhouse, showing you the different plants and what they need. As soon as you were done with the greenhouse, he led you outside and showed you the fields, assuring you that they weren’t part of your duties, but he wanted you to be familiar with them.

Once the introduction was done, he handed you a basket and together you went to the back and harvested the ripe fruits. Soon enough, you had to grab a second basket, since the first one was already overflowing. As soon as you were done, you placed the second basket in the cooler, while Primo arranged the first one to look a bit prettier.

You watched him, amazement slowly filling you as he made a simple fruit basket look like a piece of art. All too soon he was done and turned to you. He opened his mouth to say something, but when he saw the look in your eyes, he smiled instead.

“I can teach you how to arrange something like that if you’d like. Not today, but at some point.”

You nodded eagerly, making him chuckle.

“Good. For now, could you please take this up to my brother’s office? Uh, Terzo. Terzo’s office.”

“Of course. Uhm…where is it?”

“Oh…right.”

Papa Primo quickly described the easiest way to get to the currents Papa’s office. Once you were sure you could find it, you left the greenhouse and made your way back up to the building. At first, it was easy to to follow the instructions given, but all too soon, you had to admit to yourself that you were lost.

If anybody had been around, you would have asked for help, but the halls were deserted, so you had no other choice but to keep going. After a few minutes, you no longer knew how to get back to where you had just come from. You spun around, looking in all different directions, searching for something familiar.

“Miss? Are you lost?”

The voice cut through the silence, making you jump as you spun to look at who had talked. And there stood the same two Ghouls from earlier. It was clearly the smaller one who had spoken, you recognized the voice once the beating of your heart calmed down. The taller one just stood beside him, not grinning.

“I uh…yeah. Papa Primo asked me to take this to Papa Terzo. He described the way, but I must’ve turned the wrong direction at some point.”

The smaller Ghouls smiled.

“If you want to go to Papa Terzo’s office, you’re completely wrong. Come, we’ll show you the way.”

You smiled at them and nodded, following when they started to lead the way. You noticed that the taller one kept looking back at you, so you quickened your pace until you fell into step with him.

“May I ask, who is who? I know your names are Swiss and Dewdrop, but Cardinal Copia never told us which name belongs to which of you.”

The smaller one smiled and introduced himself as Dewdrop, before pointing at his larger friend.

“And this is Swiss. He is a big baby, a bit shy, but all in all he’s friendly.”

The taller one immediately grinned again and you smiled, introducing yourself.

“The part of the Ministry you were just in, you should stay away from. It’s where we Ghouls live. Most of us are friendly, but some are a bit…well…”

Swiss quickly jumped in.

“Territorial?”

Dewdrop nodded.

“Yeah, territorial fits well. Especially since most of the members aren’t as nice to us as you are.”

“Why…why is that?”

Swiss chuckled darkly.

“They see us as servants. Nothing more than dirt that can be replaced.”

You huffed and rolled your eyes.

“Now that’s bullshit.”

As soon as the words left your mouth, Swiss looped an arm around your neck and pulled you into his side, basically holding you in a headlock as he ruffled through your hair.

“Oh, I like you.”

“Ow, ow, ow.”

You laughed as Swiss finally let you go, before fixing your hair as good as possible with one hand. Then you turned to look at him, a grin on your face.

“I like you too, Swiss.”

After a few minutes of walking and talking, you finally stood in front of a set of large, ornate wooden doors. It was obvious that something important laid behind them.

“A bit pompous, don’t you think?”

Swiss chuckled and nodded, while Dewdrop just shushed the two of you. But it didn’t keep you from laughing together. At least not until the door suddenly opened.

“Who is making such a ruckus out he-. Oh, cara. What can I do for you?”

The Cardinal looked annoyed until his eyes met yours. A soft smile found it’s way onto his face, as he completely ignored the two Ghouls next to you. And as Swiss watched you and the Cardinal Copia, he let out a low whistle, leaning down to whisper in your ear.

“He has the hots for you, girl.”

You turned around, about to smack him when you remembered that you had company. So, instead you glared at him, making him chuckle, before you turned back to the Cardinal.

“Papa Primo asked me to bring these to Papa Terzo. I got lost on the way, Dewdrop and Swiss brought me here.”

The Cardinal nodded in understanding before ushering you inside and asking the Ghouls to wait for you. And once inside the office, you were proven right. The room looked more like the private room at a club than an office. Soft couches everywhere, thick curtains to keep out the sun and low lighting. Papa Terzo sat on the largest one of the couches, a cigar between his fingers.

“Ah, piccola, I knew you’d be back sooner than later.”

Translations: piccola...little one cara...dear estenuante...exhausting tesoro...little treasure/darling gusto...taste Grazie mille...thank you very much acqua...water freshi...cool

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clubdionysus · 4 months

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[BAD DECISION #36] DENIAL

warnings: drinking, star lovers (the drink), star lovers (the people), v wholesome! v lovely! loverboy jjk, the bday chapter

a/n: just one tonight 'cause im a bit pressed for time :( I'll upload some extra ones tomorrow hehe

wc: 9k

bd total wc: 540k (ongoing)

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

"Stay," Jeongguk lazily whines into his pillows, hair a tousled mess, skin clammy and glowing in the dusky haze of an early spring morning.

Light pours in through his unclosed curtains, the city intruding on your peaceful state of slumber, stealing you from the sanctuary of shared dreams. His arm is looped around your waist, your back to his chest.

He's keeping you close. Doesn't wanna do anything, just doesn't wanna be alone. More specifically, he doesn't want to be without you.

Is paralysed by a new fear, it would seem; one in which you leave.

He wants to keep moments like these bottled up. Safe. Unbreakable.

An empty bed is really nothing to fear, but he's had a taste now of you with someone else. Has seen you with another man. Has met your ex. The guy you once thought was your forever .

Jeongguk isn't sure that he's capable of thinking that far ahead, but he has watched The Notebook upwards of a hundred times with Jimin. When he thinks of Noah, he thinks of Allie, and when he thinks of Allie, he thinks of you.

See, Jeongguk is more than capable of thinking that far ahead.

It's just that he was trained by the girl who used to hold his heart that forever was a silly concept. It's a slow process, but gradually, he is unlearning it. He didn't ever get his heart back from her; instead a new one bloomed in his chest where the empty space once was. It's armoured, this time. Little squares of silver glass act as a protective casing.

If it were ever to break, the pain would be catastrophic. He might just die.

And so Jeongguk would like you to stay.

As much as you'd like to, you know you can't - Danbi and Hoseok have pre-booked you in for a 'friend date.' Under absolutely no circumstances are you allowed to bail on it, even if it does mean leaving an incredibly sulky Jeongguk to survive his hangover alone.

You're not sure at which point last night you both decided that sex wasn't on the agenda. It was never discussed. Just never happened.

Instead, Jeongguk had kissed you.

Again, and again.

Until your lips were numb, and yet you could feel every deliberate coming together of your bodies. Soft declarations of affection, reserved only for the gentlest forms of love. Something of which you know better than pretend you could have with him.

It's well established, now, that Jeongguk is simply breaking down your intimacy boundaries. Is showing you that you can do all these things you deem to be intimate, without them actually having to mean what you think they do.

In theory, it's working. Kissing Jeongguk doesn't scare you.

In practice, Kissing Jeongguk does terrify you.

Not for the act itself. You do that willingly. Wantingly.

But for the fact that you're unable to think straight when you look at him, these days. It's not working. You can't separate the intimacy from the act, but you're so far gone now that it's almost impossible to go back, so instead you're stuck in this limbo.

You never want anything to change, but you're doing this all because you're trying to encourage change. It's fucked. Utterly, undeniably fucked.

These two entities - who you both are during the daytime, and who you both are when the sun goes down - are converging at rapid speed. It's getting harder to distinguish which is which.

All that's certain is that two orbiting stars will eventually, always, inevitably crash.

It's a countdown. Celestial union, or blackhole. Both feel equally terrifying.

Much better to pretend as if it isn't happening.

Easier.

"Can't," you whisper. Reinforce boundaries that have long since been broken. "Told you, I'm a busy girly. Book me in for a friend-date next time you wanna see me."

The phrasing is deliberate. A reminder of where you currently stand with one another, as declared by him more times than you care to remember.

"We had a night out," he sulks. "It automatically is a two-day affair. Always is."

"No, it's not," you softly laugh, getting out of his bed and finally putting your clothes back on. Your outfit from the night before is pretty basic, so you don't need to steal one of his shirts to protect your dignity. Disappointing .

You're out the door by midday, leaving Jeongguk to fester in his hangover pit alone - of which he does. For hours .

It's partially the hangover. Mainly the fear-induced paralysis that has overtaken his body. All he can do is stare up at the birds and wonder how the fuck it got to this point.

By the time Taehyung shows up at Jeongguk and Jimin's place that evening, Jeongguk's wearing clothes. Has managed to go a whole thirty minutes without complaining about his hangover. It's a record. Jimin knows. He's been counting.

It's bad. Skull-splitting, eye-dehydrating kinda bad. A hangover he wouldn't wish upon his own worst enemy.

This is a lie.

He wishes Seokjin nothing but hangover headaches for the rest of eternity. Scowls when he thinks about Seokjin. The tension of his muscles further exacerbates his headache. He knows it serves him right for thinking such negative thoughts - but as far as he's concerned, it's just another to be annoyed at Seokjin for. Prick.

Throughout the day, you've sent him pictures of your incredibly sorry state - glitter everywhere, hair piled on top of your head. Kind of matches his hair, of which is still tied in a scrunchie that you'd put him in the night before.

The last picture you'd sent through had dropped into his inbox fifteen minutes ago. Was read immediately.

Carrying a soda the size of your face, you're with Danbi and Hoseok, as promised, heading into a movie theatre downtown. He can't remember what you'd said you were seeing. Some superhero movie, he thinks, that he knows he'd care way more about if he didn't feel like such ass.

In fact, Jeongguk thinks he'd rather die than be at a movie theatre right now - but he also does like the idea of a dark room right now. Perhaps you aren't entirely insane.

Jimin had insisted on something 'healthy' to get Jeongguk out of his hangover slump, which is why, as Taehyung chucks his coat on one of the bar stools in the kitchen, he's stuffing his face with a chicken teriyaki wrap.

"Fuck me," Taehyung laughs. "A little worse for wear?"

Jeongguk just grunts. Hair all over the place, still haphazardly half-tied up by one of your scrunchies, he's covered in glitter.

There's no mistaking who he spent the night with - not that he cares to hide it. Can easily explain that you put the glitter on him, if anyone asks. The scrunchie, too. And if they don't? Fine. Let them assume what they like.

"How's DB?" Taehyung follows up, stealing a little lettuce from the chopping board, before plonking himself down next to Jeongguk - which earns another groan.

"Fine," he says through a mouthful of chicken and tortilla wrap. It really is not his finest hour. "Said she wanted to die just before they got to the cinema, so I'm sure she's gonna have a great time."

Funny, how those little phrases and intricacies of your identities seem to weave together these days. You're apparently constantly on the verge of death, and he's perpetually covered in glitter. Quite the pair, you make.

"S'pose that's what birthday weekends are for, aren't they?" Taehyung shrugs, not really thinking much of it, and not noticing the way Jeongguk seems to freeze.

Mouth full, wrap in hands, he almost chokes.

Jimin just asks, "It's Danbi's birthday? Why didn't you mention it? We could have-"

"Oh, no. It's not," Tae says, narrowing his eyes in confusion. He tilts his head. Why on earth would Jimin assume that?

The confusion is contagious. Not a single one of them understands exactly what's happening.

"Danbi's birthday isn't until the summer," Tae continues, a little caution in his tone. Has had it in his calendar since the first date. Is already planning a trip away for them both. Looks at Jeongguk, who is still frozen in position, like a frame in a cartoon that the animators forgot about. And then, he realises. "Gguk..."

"Oh, fuck," Jeongguk says. It's a miracle he doesn't choke, mouth still half full, even if he has tossed the rest of the wrap back down onto his plate.

The penny drops slowly, and then all at once.

"Oh, holy shit," Jimin says, getting to his feet, 'cause apparently the shock is that severe.

"You didn't..." Taehyung gasps, not finishing his question. "Gguk!"

"I didn't!" Jeongguk insists, swallowing down the bite of his wrap that had been suspended in his mouth for far too long.

And he really didn't - didn't forget , that is.

You've never told him your birthday. He's never asked.

"Fuck."

"Fuck," Jimin parrots.

"Fuck," Tae also echoes, but adds, "Dude... what the fuck?!"

Jeongguk stands. Begins to pace. Moves his hands in bizarre little motions as if he's trying to piece everything together.

Not once have you ever told him your birthday, he thinks.

"I swear, she never mentioned it," Jeongguk whines.

And he's right.

You haven't.

It's not without reason.

In a few short weeks time, it'll be a year since your first purple starfucker.

Though it was Hoseok's break-up you'd been commiserating, your own hadn't long since passed. The wounds still stung and it was better to lick salt off the back of your hand before a tequila shot than it was to sprinkle it in your emotional damage instead.

Drowning your sorrows had led you to Dionysus, your heart break just as fresh as the lemon that followed the tequila shots. The bitterness of the fruit didn't compare to the bitterness in your heart.

Hardly a surprise, though.

Break-ups are never easy - just like forgotten birthdays are always sad.

When your boyfriend asked to reschedule dinner plans and then showed up to your apartment at just gone midnight with no apology? No realisation of what he'd done so terribly wrong? A little ruby red rouge on his earlobe that you both knew came from the lips of someone else?

Oh, it was tragic .

Counter arguments of 'if it meant so much to you, why didn't you remind me?' frustratingly cursed in the dead of night, and pleas of 'I shouldn't have to beg you to give a shit about me' framed your demise.

And so Jeongguk has never experienced your birthday. Can't forget it, if he never knew it, you theorise. Not like Seokjin should have done.

Jeongguk doesn't know the flavour of cake you'd pick, or if cake is something you even choose to have on your birthday. He doesn't know how you do your makeup, 'cause he knows most girls go for glitter on their special day - but by that metric, every day would be your birthday.

You're thankful to have not had to discuss it. Part of the reason you like spending time with Jeongguk is the fact that he lets you forget ghosts of the past - and this time last year does still, regretfully, haunt you.

It's not like you properly celebrated Jeongguk's birthday with him, either.

Granted, it had been a boy's night - and a pretty quiet one, at that - but still. It was six months ago, though. Longer, in fact. So much has transpired since then.

The entire fabric of your friendship has been embroidered and embellished to the point of it being unrecognisable. What once was cheap tulle is now layers upon layers of glittering, sequin-emblazoned material, stitched with the finest of threads. There are constellations in your hems, and stardust between the seams. One of a kind. Impossible to replicate. Many will try; all will fail.

"Was it today? Yesterday?!" Jeongguk frantically asks Taehyung, 'cause he seemingly knows more. This acknowledgement pisses Jeongguk off. He should know this shit. Taehyung shouldn't. "How do you know?!"

"There's a bunch of birthday cards in their apartment-"

"Fuck," Jeongguk groans.

"Was literally yesterday-"

"YESTERDAY?" Jeongguk shrieks. Stops dead in his tracks.

If the Rock, Paper, Scissors battle had gone a little differently, he'd have known.

If he'd have insisted on taking you home, he'd have known.

So many tiny, meaningless decisions had led you back to his place last night. If he'd have been wiser or smarter, maybe he'd have realised. Maybe you had been giving him signals, and maybe he had missed them all.

And then his mind is jumping from conclusion to conclusion.

Did Seojoon know? Had he gotten you a gift? Oh, God. It's all so fucked.

But then he's thinking about Seokjin. Has seen white roses and a calling card on more than one occasion. Not for a while, granted, but he also saw the look on Seokjin's face when he'd insinuated that you'd moved on.

"Roses," he panics. Looks at Taehyung with such horror in his eyes, that it's a miracle he doesn't burst a blood vessel. "White roses. Were there any at their place?!"

"I don't think so?" Taehyung guesses, trying to remember what the apartment looked like when he last left. "I mean, I don't remember noticing any."

Jeongguk nods. Puffs out a breath from his marshmallow cheeks. Holds his knees as he keels over a little, body ravaged by a stress he doesn't quite understand. He resumes his posture a little too quickly, the pain of his hangover shooting straight back to his brain.

"Right. Shit," he curses. Then curses a couple more times. Pushes his hand back through his hair and then looks at his friends.

Though they're both well aware that missing a birthday is never good, Taehyung and Jimin are surprised at just how badly Jeongguk is taking this.

Feeling bad is one thing. Looking like he's just committed crimes worthy of jail time? A little excessive.

As Jimin smirks, Jeongguk snaps, "What?"

"Nothing. You're just acting like-"

"Don't," Jeongguk warns.

"-You're in love with her, or something."

He doesn't deny it.

Just rolls his eyes. Doesn't have time to waste debating the true nature of his feelings right now - especially not when he knows Jimin would never believe his denials, regardless.

"She never told me," Jeongguk steers the conversation away from matters of the heart. Wants to focus on logic instead. "Was with her all evening, and she literally didn't mention it once."

He explains the night before. Leaves out the part where you were his favourite date of the evening. Also leaves out the part where he held your hand on the entire cab ride home, and the way he'd kissed you once you were finally in the confines of his room.

There were no expectations; no illusion that it would lead to anything beyond a kiss.

And it didn't.

He'd kissed you just to kiss you. Slowly. Intentionally. Kept his dick well away, 'cause he knows how often the pair of you escalate things beyond the point of no return.

It had confused you at first. Made you worry a little - but the way he encouraged you back in whenever you pulled away let you know just how deliberate he was being.

"Shut up," Jeongguk had smiled into your lips when you'd given a small hum of perplexion. "Just kiss me."

And now he's standing in the living room, stroking at his bottom lip as if he's trying to remember the way you felt; if the poutiness has been from pleasure or disappointment.

"Okay. So?" Jimin just shrugs. Really does think Jeongguk should chill out a little, but knows that he won't. "She must have not wanted you to know."

Jeongguk doesn't like this. Scowls. "Why wouldn't she?"

"Some people just don't like birthdays," he shrugs again.

"Nah, Danbi baked her a cake," Taehyung interjects. Laughs to himself. Is disgustingly fond. "Danbi is great at many things, but baking is not one of them. I don't think she would have gone to all of that effort if DB doesn't like birthdays."

Just one look at you is enough to know that you're the kind of girl who enjoys birthdays. Of course you do. The pomp and pandemonium of party poppers? How could you not enjoy such occasions?

"Fuck," Jeongguk curses as he begins to pace once more.

On the one hand, it's not the end of the world - but on the other, he feels awful that he didn't make a fuss. Didn't get you a present.

But then there is also the worry - what if you had told him? What if he's just forgotten? What if the only reason you didn't mention it was because you wanted to see if he remembered?

The aching lull of his hangover subsides. Is overthrown by the stress of failure.

Jeongguk is uncertain as to whether or not you like surprise parties - but he does know the effort you went to for his final exam celebrations. Knows that what you did for him is likely the sort of thing you'd like to be done for yourself.

After all, people show their love in the ways they wish for it to be reciprocated. You're both acts of service kinda lovers. Nothing is too much trouble. Anything to make the lives of the people you care about easier. Better. Happier.

"Okay," Jeongguk eventually sighs as thoughts begin to formulate. "We need to do something."

We ? They think, but don't voice. This is not a group project. This is a Jeongguk thing.

"Yeah," he thinks out loud, totally in his own world. Jimin and Taehyung watch on as he triumphantly nods to himself. "Do something. Okay. Fuck. Do what? What would B like? Fuck."

And then he groans. Throw his head back. The motion is a little too fast. His hangover pounds, reminding him of his fragile state - so he reaches for the chicken wrap he was half-way through demolishing when Taehyung dropped the birthday bomb on him. A little bit of brain food will surely do him good.

"You know her better than us, mate," Taehyung shrugs. Knows what he'd do for Danbi, but also knows Danbi is the type to arrange her own surprise party. "You're the best judge. You and DB are basically attached at the hip these days."

"Okay, one - no we're not," Jeongguk scoffs.

"Yeah, you are," Jimin objects through a mouthful of chicken. Is glad he's not the only one who's noticed. Yoongi's been so busy with wedding preparations recently that he's not been around to shake his head in despair at you both.

"We're not," Jeongguk insists.

"Danbi reckons you are-"

"Oh my god, let me breathe," Jeongguk whines. Rolls his eyes. " You're the one who's always with Danbi."

Taehyung smirks. Raises a brow. "Yeah? She's my girlfriend, Gguk."

The silence that follows is left vacant by Jeongguk. There's no response he could possibly give that would convince either of his friends that he doesn't feel a certain type of way about you.

It's written all over his face whenever you walk into the room; how Jeongguk fucking glows in your presence, glitter sparking on his once pristine skin. You've corrupted him, and he hates to imagine life in which he doesn't notice specs of glitter on his skin in the early morning light. He's a better man for knowing you. He thinks his friends would agree.

Undeniably, they would.

"Whatever," he eventually dismisses. Sighs. "How the fuck do you throw a party for the living personification of a disco ball?"

"Maybe you don't," Jimin suggests. "Maybe she is the party."

Jeongguk isn't sure what Jimin means by this. "Huh?"

"I don't know," Jimin admits. "Just thought it sounded cool. Disco balls are, like, the centre of everything, right?"

He's not wrong - at least not in a party setting. The disco ball you'd been gifted for Secret Santa is proudly hung up in your bedroom, and whenever the light hits it right, the walls are dappled in the most glorious of sparkles.

You really are the embodiment of one, Jeongguk thinks.

And as if he's just been hit with a dozen speckles of refracted light, Jeongguk gets an idea.

"Tae, have you got the code for their place?" He frantically asks, to which his friend nods.

Jeongguk has your door code, too. Knows it from the times you've invited him over and told him to just let himself in. Doesn't want to admit to that, though, which is why he asked Taehyung.

"Okay, text Danbi," Jeongguk says. "We're breaking in."

"We?!" Jimin exclaims. "I'm not breaking the law just so you can get your dick wet-"

"Jimin!"

"What?" He feigns innocence, as if he's not airing Jeongguk out like a freshly washed load of laundry.

"This is not about getting my dick wet," Jeongguk says in disbelief. "We don't even fuck-"

"Bullshit."

"-And shut up, she's your friend, too. We're all breaking the law, because that's what friends do for one another."

"We literally all know you fuck. You've got an incredibly warped sense of friendship, Jeongguk," Jimin assures him. "And committing crimes definitely doesn't fall under the dictionary definition of it, either."

"It's not breaking the law if I've got the code," Taehyung interjects, though if he's being honest, he's not really sure of the law. Just assumes it's fine. "What are we doing, though? Why are we breaking in?"

Jeongguk declines to answer. Instead, says, "Text Danbi. Tell her we're going there. They'll easily be another, what, two hours? At the cinema, right?"

Shrugging, Taehyung supposes that the timeframe is probably accurate.

"Okay," Jeongguk nods, head down, brain trying to order things succinctly. "Let me just shower really quickly. How far out is the place you get your art supplies from, Tae?"

"About forty minutes," he explains. Jeongguk's been with him a couple of times. It's always been Taehyung driving on those occasions though, so he doesn't really remember the location. "It's on their side of the city."

The plan is beginning to formulate in Jeongguk's head. Dots are connected. One big idea is trickling down into achievable steps.

"Alright. If I give you a list, can you run there and pick some things up? Jimin, you good to come with me to their apartment? To set things up?"

He doesn't elaborate on any of his plans. Will just waste time if he does - and the boys know not to delay a frantic Jeongguk. Will just make him even more irritable, and he's unbearable enough with a hangover.

"You didn't throw me a party," Jimin huffs - but is reminded that Jeongguk did in fact pay the bar tab for a night of extremely heavy drinking in Dionysus, instead. A week's salary? Pissed away. "Yeah, fair enough."

"Anyways," Jeongguk adds. "This isn't gonna be a party. Just us three and those three, I think. It's a bit too last minute for anything big."

"What about Nabi? Hayun?" Taehyung innocently asks - but the glare thrown his way by Jeongguk for even thinking to ask such a question says everything he needs to know. Eyes wide, a soft smile on his lips, Taehyung holds his hands up. "Hey, was just asking!"

"Well, don't," Jeongguk offers.

There's an ambiguity to Hayun's place in Jeongguk's life, these days. A couple instagram reels sit unopened in his inbox from her, 'cause he doesn't care to entertain her. The last time he'd seen her was at the surprise party you threw after his exam. The same one he left early, 'cause you weren't there and it made him feel all funny inside.

On occasion, he wonders if he's being too harsh. Wonders if maybe he should just talk to her; explain that he's not the guy he was. No better, no worse. Just different.

"She said you've been ignoring her," Taehyung adds. Doesn't doubt it.

"We've just got nothing to talk about these days." Jeongguk shrugs. He's in no mood to even so much as think about Hayun. This weekend is yours. Thoughts about her aren't welcome. "Anyways, doesn't matter. She's not Byeol's friend. There's no need for her to be there."

Taehyung pushes it no further. Respects Jeongguk's reasoning.

"Right you are. Give me your list before your shower," he says, wanting to get a head start on whatever it is Jeongguk's got planned. Doesn't wanna be the reason it fails. Knows Jeongguk seems to have a lot of emotion riding on this, and he wants his friend to succeed. Thinks it's about time a little happiness came his way.

Just like Danbi thinks you deserve it, too - which is why she insisted on going straight home after the cinema. The plan had been to go for a drink, or grab food - but Taehyung's slightly ambiguous but very desperate texts were all she needed to see to change the plan.

"Careful," Danbi laughs with you as you meander up the stairs to your apartment, a little uneasy on your feet because you're still feeling a bit rough. Popcorn tub in hand, you've barely touched it - which is unheard for you. No matter how large the serving size is, you nearly always finish it before the films even started.

You just couldn't hack it today. Put it down to the hangover. The sweet scent of the popcorn usually has you salivating, but it made you feel slightly sick today.

"If you don't want it, I'll have it," Hoseok offers, not wanting it to go to waste. He's already demolished his own popcorn and half of Danbi's. Just loves it. Think it's the closest thing humans have got to magic.

"Not so fast!" You say. "I will eat it - just need my stomach to settle."

It's the only big symptom of your hangover that's still lingering. Usually, it's your headache that is the most stubborn - but the surround sound of the cinema bullied that right out of you. Showed no mercy. Forced you to confront it head-on.

"If you let it go stale before you let me have it, I'll end the friendship," he warns - and you do know he'll absolutely be a baby about it. Will most definitely have a little tantrum, but nothing that would serve to end your friendship. He might just not share his own food for a few weeks.

"I won't," you insist. "And hey - it's my birthday weekend. You can't be giving me ultimatums like this, Hobes. Totally unfair. You should be, like, worshipping the ground I walk on."

Danbi checks her phone as you and Hoseok babble nonsensically, tailing just a little behind you to make sure you don't see her message thread. Sends one to Taehyung.

Home soon x

It's reiterated to Jeongguk and Jimin, who quickly get into formation - which is really just a straight line blocking the view of the coffee table.

Nibbling down on his bottom lip, there's really no need for Jeongguk to feel such anxiety - it's just that he knows he shouldn't know about your birthday. Knows he shouldn't be in your apartment right now. Knows you won't be expecting this. Knows that he runs the risk of upsetting you, just in case there's a more substantial reason as to why you withheld your birthday from him.

"Fuck," he whispers, hearing the three of you amble up the stairs. "Do you think we should go?"

"Gguk," Taehyung deadpans. "It's a bit late for that."

"I know but-"

"Shush," Jimin laughs, as the sound of your conversation grows closer. "They're near."

Nodding, Jeongguk does as he's told, bottom lip kept stable beneath his top row of teeth. Tongue toying slightly with his lip ring, he doesn't even know how to explain what you're about to walk into. Decides it's better to just simply stop thinking at all.

The beep of your door code being entered echoes the thump of his heart, until the lock clicks. Bolt retracts. The door is pulled open, and Jimin counts a quiet, 3, 2, 1.

The way in which all three of them - Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung - burst into a chorus of 'happy birthday to you' is comical - all singing at slightly different tunes, volumes, and tempos. It's a jumbled mess, and they all refer to you by different names - but as you stand with a bemused smile by your door, Jeongguk knows it's worth it.

And finally, he begins to smile, too.

The anxiety and nerves are replaced with the unadulterated joy that comes with seeing you - and given the way you had said goodbye to him earlier that morning, he's glad that you seem equally as pleased to see him.

It's not that you'd had an unpleasant goodbye. Not in the slightest. If anything, it was too pleasant.

Jimin hadn't yet woken. The pair of you had been standing in his doorway; you fully dressed and ready to go, Jeongguk in a pair of sweats and nothing else, save for the scrunchie of yours still in his hair.

The pair of you had been a mess of giggles and 'go,' despite him pulling you back. 'I'll text you later' and knowing nods, but then 'wait, come back.' Grabbed waists and stolen kisses that neither of you had any business taking from one another. So many kisses. Pretty, dainty kisses, on his pretty, darling lips.

He'd held your hand as you walked away from him for the final time. Was a broken man when you eventually let it fall from your grasp, turning around with a coy smile as you headed for his elevator.

Glitter in his dishevelled hair, stars in his dark brown eyes, Jeongguk had been everything . Had been the boy next door, with his sweet giggles and appled cheeks. Had been the bad boy you know you should stay away from, with his messy locks and tattooed skin. Had been the mirror of you, with his glitter-covered skin and love-drunk gaze of adoration.

You'd spent a great deal of your time in the cinema fretting over it. Overanalyzing. Overthinking.

What if it was too much? What if he knew just how violently the butterflies had been swarming in your diaphragm? What if he'd just been reciprocating your actions because he hadn't wanted to make you feel bad?

Yet when you see him now, you know that none of those questions, nor their answers matter. Whatever is happening between you both simply doesn't matter.

You don't want clarification. Don't want to open yourself up to hurt. Just want things to stay exactly as they are.

Funny, really, how Jeongguk had been fretting just the same. Worrying that he had done too much. Is aware of how deeply intimate you regarded kisses to be. Should have held back. Should have fucked you last night. Should have done a bird. Stuck to the rules.

Instead, he had just kissed you.

Is well aware of the message it sends. Has been worrying that it perhaps isn't a message you wish to receive. Still doesn't know for sure - but knows that he'd like to keep things exactly as they are.

Just like you do.

Might be reading different books, but you're on the same page. It's like being in a mysterious book club. Just gotta wait until one of you decides to read aloud - but neither of you wants to be the first to go.

"What is this?" You laugh, utterly confused by everything in front of you.

Jeongguk, Jimin and Taehyung stand in a row, adorned in the silliest of photo booth props - party hats, feather boas, novelty glasses. The room around them is dressed to the nines - steamers, lights, bunting, things hanging from the ceiling - and there are half a dozen packets of polaroid film for your camera.

"It's your birthday party," Jeongguk says a little shyly. Looks behind himself, as if to check it's all still there. Smiles when he looks at you again. "You really thought you could get away with it, huh?"

Puffing your cheeks out with a little air, you scrunch up your face, surprised that he's scolding you - albeit very playfully - in front of other people. Flirts like this are typically reserved for your time spent alone together.

"Don't know what you mean," you smile, as Danbi and Hoseok encourage you further into the room. Looking around, you can't hide just how touched you are by the chaos surrounding you. There's something new, something different everywhere you look. "This is insane."

And it's only even more overwhelming when the boys part ways, and reveal the coffee table to you. On it are a dozen different papier mache shapes - Roman letters for your initials, ambiguous animals, and different-sized spheres - and what must be thousands of tiny mirrored squares. There are adhesives in abundance. Everything you need to make your very own disco balls - or some sort of iteration, at least.

"Guys," you say softly, appreciation lacing your voice. Have stars in your eyes, not just around them. "What is all this?"

When you pout in their direction, hands over your heart, Jeongguk thinks it looks like you might cry. Hopes you won't. Fears you will. Pulls you in for a hug to remedy it. The rest of your friends talk amongst themselves. Greet one another. Enthuse over the state of the place. Give you guys a second to one another.

"What the fuck?" You laugh softly into his chest. "Gguk, you didn't have-"

"Shut up," he smiles. Presses a kiss against your hair. Is discrete enough that no one notices. Smiles. "It was your fucking birthday , B."

"So?"

"So," he emphasises as he pulls away, holding your shoulders. "Birthdays aren't about the birthday person. Not really."

"No?" You laugh.

He beams. "Nope. They're for the people who love the birthday person."

It shouldn't come as a surprise that your best friend loves you. It should be expected. Shouldn't make you feel the way that it does. Oh, it's all so beautifully fucked.

"Kinda like a funeral," Jeongguk ponders out loud, not dwelling on the unintentional mention of love. "They're a time to show appreciation for the deceased. Birthdays are just the same."

Laughing, you shake your head, and let him manhandle you a little further into the room to have a better look around. "I don't think birthdays and funerals are that similar."

"Well," Jeongguk says. "You didn't tell me about your birthday, and I doubt you'll be the one telling me about your funeral, either. So they'll be similar in that regard."

Cringing, your shoulders tense slightly. Jeongguk simply rubs them, easing your awkwardness. "You've got a point."

"I know I do," Jeongguk laughs. Drops his hold on your shoulders to grab you a glass of the premade drinks. There are six of them. Long, not short. Purple. Raising your brow as you accept it, Jeongguk nods. Confirms your assumptions. "The long version of a star fucker. Star lover, I think we called it."

Fitting .

Joining your friends to sit around the coffee table on the floor, music humming from the speaker, you're lost for words.

There are no actual words that can be used to express your gratitude, you think. Nothing you can say to articulate how much this means to you.

"How did you even plan all of this?" You laugh, unable to contain your happiness.

"Don't look at us," Jimin laughs right back. Nods over to Jeongguk. "He's the mastermind, over there."

Glancing across to Jeongguk, you can't help but let yourself indulge in the nonsensical idea that his starry eyes are reserved for you, and you alone. He shrugs.

"You didn't give me much choice," he asserts.

"Wait," Hoseok interrupts, finally piecing it all together. Had just been in a bemused state of 'what the fuck' since arriving. Looks at you with horror. "You didn't tell him it was your birthday?!"

Awkwardly scrunching your face up, you shake your head. "I just didn't wanna be a bother."

It's not entirely a lie, but it is also an incredibly superficial explanation. There are layers to your reluctance to share your birthday with Jeongguk. Reasons. Past disappointments. Ones that Hoseok and Danbi are well aware of.

Even though he thinks of it, Hoseok doesn't mention last year. Doesn't reiterate his opinion of Seokjin being a heinous asshole for what he did.

Instead, he accepts your answer. Does tell you that you're an idiot, though.

"Hey," you whine. "It's my birthday weekend. You have to be nice."

"He's right, though," Jeongguk backs him up.

The smile he gives you is fond. Could call you the nastiest names he likes, but with a gaze like that? All you'd hear is a sweet melody reserved just for you, sung only by him.

Laughter echoes around the room as the evening settles in. All opting for slightly different shapes, your disco balls are truly an embodiment of who you are. Danbi is decorating a T, and Taehyung is decorating a D. It's all very vom-inducing - but they're too sweet for you to take the piss.

Jimin does it enough for everyone, anyway. Tells them that they're the most disgusting couple he's ever known.

Funny, how this attestation makes Jeongguk glance in your direction. Wonders what he'd think of you two as a couple. Knows that he'd probably also think you were disgusting if he saw how the pair of you behave together, sometimes.

Hoseok has gone for one of the animals. It's just the head. Can't decide if it's a cat or a dog, but decides it doesn't matter. Tells everyone it's definitely a squirrel. Nobody else can see his vision.

Jimin was going to do a J, but upon seeing Danbi and Taehyung's couple letters, opted for a cube instead. Disco balls go against all of his interior design desires, but he'll make an exception for you.

Traditional in his choice, Jeongguk is painstakingly trying to perfect an actual disco ball. Chose the second biggest size. Wanted to do the biggest one, but also wanted to use this as a practice run. Maybe he'll make a hobby out of restoring broken disco balls.

Beside him, you're also doing a sphere - just a much smaller one. Cuter. Daintier.

"That's so unfair," Jeongguk pouts when you finish your first row of mirrored squares. He's barely even begun. Wishes he'd set his sights on something smaller.

"Go big or go home," you remind him - then head to the fridge to get the jug of Jeongguk's special cocktail. Topping up everyone's glasses, you know exactly how this night is gonna go - and you couldn't be more pleased.

"You're trying to get me drunk," Jeongguk grins when you finally reach his glass. "Trying to sabotage my disco ball making skills, aren't you?"

"I'm doing nothing of the sorts," you assure him - but honestly, you think the imperfections, if any, would only add to the charm. "You made the drink. It's on you if you can't handle it."

"Oh fuck off," he laughs, challenged. Takes a sip. A really fucking big sip. Nearly finishes it. "I'm a bartender, baby. I can handle it."

Laughing, you pretend to have not heard the way he just called you baby. He was just messing around. Didn't mean it.

"Sure you can," you tease, filling his drink back up. And so he repeats it. Half-flirting, half-competing against nobody. And so you top his drink right back up again. "Someone's got something to prove."

A second night of drinking in a row isn't what you'd been anticipating, but you welcome it. Think that you need a couple of drinks to handle the confusion of how you're feeling.

As the disco ball construction descends into chaos, and no one is quite able to get the spacing or positioning just right, you realise that this is the magic of a disco ball; how the broken can still be beautiful.

Yet when you look at your small creation, you're pleased. Sure, the lines are a little uncoordinated. There's a wibble wobble here and there - but it's yours .

Danbi and Taehyung manage to make theirs look pretty good, and Jimin's isn't too bad either.

Hoseok protests. Say they had it way easier.

"You chose that shape," Jimin laughs. "Don't blame us!"

For all of his artistic talents, disco ball crafting is not one of Hoseok's. It might also be that he's had six of Jeongguk's little cocktails.

He's had to remake the cocktail twice already, given how frequently you're all topping up for glasses from the jug. It's gonna be a messy night - but for once, there's no uncertainty over whether or not Jeongguk will be going home with you, for he's already here.

"It's my day off," Jeongguk jokes on the third remake. "Should be paying me."

"I'll make it up to you," you quietly promise him with a smirk, out of earshot from your friends.

He looks at you with inquisitive eyes as if to question what on earth you could possibly mean by that - and decides he's better off not questioning it. Will revel in the ambiguity of whatever the fuck is going on between you. Enjoys the flirt too much, especially when he's a little tipsy.

"Wait, wait - a little to the left!" Danbi instructs Taehyung as they begin to string up the makeshift disco balls in the meantime.

It's a labour of love, but it's worthwhile. Eventually, one by one, all of the creations take their rightful place, haphazardly tacked to the ceiling with tape that's a fair amount stronger than Jeongguk's washi tape. The sunset lamp you and Danbi rarely use is turned on. Pretty pink and peach reflections cascade all over the walls, dappling you all, too.

The clandestine touch of your hands as you pose for pictures is hidden from your friends.

There's an awareness that the way in which you're behaving is not normal of friends; that the lines between who you think you are, and who you truly are, have become blurred. There's a giddy silliness to it all, and it's why neither of you want it to stop. Childish, and stupid, it may be - but it's freeing, too. A farewell to the expectations that have kept you both in boxes for so long.

By the time you've drunk home bar dry, Hoseok is already asleep, and Jimin isn't too far behind. They're crashing in the living room, so you fetch their duvets and bedding, while instructing Jeongguk to go to your room.

"I can sleep out here," he offers. Doesn't wanna make things awkward for you - but you shake your head.

"Always save on the heating bill when you're here," you tell him. It's not a lie. It's also not why you want him in your room, either.

Thing is, you're both fucked. Jeongguk's mixing was getting stronger and stronger with each new pitcher. There's nothing either you can do to fight the drunken sleep that takes over as soon as you're beneath your sheets.

It makes it even more shocking that when you wake up the next morning, you're without a headache. If anything, you feel worlds better than you did the morning before and it worries you. Likely means that you'll crash later on in the day.

Jeongguk's not awake, so you slip out to grab water for you both. It's still dark, curtains drawn, but you can see light seeping in through the cracks. There are no curtains in your living room, and your phone is dead so you've no idea of the time. Dread to think of how long Jimin and Hoseok might have been awake.

"Oh, holy shit," you whisper in surprise as you walk into the living room, greeted by Jimin, sitting on your couch like a meerkat, posture perfect. He's wrapped in a soft blanket, face puffy from last night's lack of water and abundance of vodka.

"Mornin' DB," he croaks, channelling his best ET. Keeps his eyes glued to the television - where Allie and Noah are talking about birds.

"Notebook?" You ask, not that he needs to answer. You've watched more times since you've met Jimin than you have in your entire life.

He nods. Croaks. "You got any paracetamol? Dunno what Jeongguk put in those drinks but I think he might have been trying to kill me."

Before you can answer, a sleepy and dishevelled Jeongguk emerges from your room, shaking his hair out with his hand. He yawns, and says, "I was."

"Knew it," Jimin groans, flopping down to lie on the sofa. He's really not made for hangovers. "What were we even drinking?"

Jeongguk comes to stand beside you, hand on your hip as he reaches around to grab the phone charger plugged into the socket by the toaster. Speaks to Jimin as if he's not driving you insane. "Star Lovers."

He cements the name. Gives it delineation. A place in your life. Squeezes your hip as he says it. Wonders if you notice. If you're aware of his intentions.

You are - you just tell yourself he doesn't realise what he's doing.

"Tae and Danbi up yet?" You ask. Jimin just grunts. Is obviously feeling just like Jeongguk did the night before. "Where's Hobes?"

From the bathroom, you hear another grunt.

"You good?" You laugh, calling through to your fallen friend.

Another grunt.

"Put you down as a maybe," you say, but get him a Powerade from the fridge regardless. Pass it over to Jeongguk. "Can you give him this?"

Jeongguk looks at you with a little confusion.

"Don't wanna walk in on him if he's got his cock out," you say. In the past? Probably wouldn't have phased you. Now? Still wouldn't - but you don't wanna have to witness anyone else's cock right in front of Jeongguk, for some reason.

"Well, nor do I!" He protests, and passes it right back.

"Cock's not out," Hoseok whines from the bathroom. "Gimme fuel."

You narrow your eyes at Jeongguk, then proceed to deliver Hoseok's drink, only to nearly fall over laughing at his sorry state. He had somehow managed to retrieve his disco ball in the night, and is now hugging his ambiguous animal head tight to his chest, curled up around the toilet bowl.

"Think you killed our friends," you tell Jeongguk when you retreat to your bedroom, toothbrush in your mouth.

Jeongguk sits on your bed, shirt off, duvet pooled around his waist. Hair a mass, a lazily lopsided grin on his face, he's sin in the most heavenly of ways.

He shakes his head. Declares innocence. "They did it to themselves."

Now you shake your head. "You assisted."

"You're alive," he says. Is chancing his luck. Looks ever so pretty as he does so. "And I'm pretty sure you drank just as much as they did - so it's their fault. Not mine."

Humming some sort of disagreement, you leave the room to go and spit out your toothpaste, hopping over a still half-alive Hoseok.

When you return, Jeongguk's looking through some of the polaroids from the night before. You've no idea how many were taken - but imagine most of the new film is ruined with extreme closeups of Jimin and Hoseok's faces. They were doing that for, like, maybe ten whole minutes.

"Look at this one," he smiles, passing it over to you. "You should keep it safe."

It's one of you and Danbi, caught off guard, giggling about something. You rarely have pictures together - spend your time enjoying the moment instead of preserving it - so to have such a candid moment is precious.

Joining him on the bed, you don't really think much of the way you're sitting; staddled over his legs, looking down to where the pictures are on his lap.

"Hello," he says quietly.

"Hi," you whisper back.

"Come here often?"

"More than I should," you smirk, the double entendre dangerous for you both.

And yet Jeongguk licks his lips. Looks down to yours. Is shameless as he says, "Not enough. You should come here all the time."

"Well it's not like I 'come' anywhere else," you shrug, then cheekily correct yourself. "Sorry, not like I 'go' anywhere else."

Jeongguk is about to flirt back, but is thrown off by the way your body suddenly jerks a little.

Sucking air between your teeth, your hand presses against your abdomen. The swift pang of discomfort isn't unusual. You have ovaries. They don't always play ball. It's not the end of the world.

"You good?" Jeongguk asks, cocking an eyebrow. Strokes your hip. Wants to soothe whatever is wrong.

Nodding, you sweep aside his concern. "All good."

He doesn't buy it. "What's up?"

"Nothing," you insist - and you genuinely mean it. A skipped month here and there really comes as no surprise. Your body isn't a machine. Sometimes it doesn't do what you expect it to, but for the most part, you're fine.

It's not until Jeongguk's brows furrow, head tilting, that you think perhaps you should be concerned.

"When did you last-"

"It's fine," you dismiss immediately, not really wanting to discuss your menstrual cycle as a form of foreplay.

Your body just does this occasionally. Nothing feels out of the ordinary. The pain was a little sharper than usual, granted, but you were also drinking the night before. Your liver is probably throwing a tantrum.

"B, don't fuck around with shit like this," Jeongguk says, his tone not one you're used to hearing. It's direct. Stern. A little sexy, if you're being honest, but the look on his face would suggest now is not the time for a little flirt.

"I promise," you say instead, giving him a soft smile, hands cupping his jaw. "If I thought anything was wrong, I'd be the first to freak out. Just a couple days late. No biggie."

Jeongguk nods. Is seemingly soothed by your touch. Knows that what you're saying is likely true. Knows that you'd have already been to a pharmacy by now, if you had any reason to believe your skipped period was the result of his cock.

"If anything happens..." Jeongguk starts, but trails off. You wait it out. Let him gather his thoughts - of which he eventually does. "Just let me know when you get your period, m'kay?"

With a nod, you promise you will. "If it's not here within a day or two, it'll probably mean I've skipped this month. I can take a test if it will make you feel better?"

Without hesitation, Jeongguk nods. "Why not just do one now? Get it over and done with?"

"Because if I do a test today and get my period tomorrow, I'll be annoyed," you laugh. A single day really doesn't make that much difference in the grand scheme of things. "Plus it's a Sunday."

"So?" Jeongguk laughs.

"Lazy day," you smile. "I don't wanna do anything that requires heavy thinking - and let's not forget how much alcohol I've had in the past 48. I've definitely killed off any lingering pests."

Jeongguk scoffs. "My sperm aren't pests."

"Pests are annoying," you say. "And you are also annoying. Do the maths."

"You're literally sitting on my lap," he shakes his head.

"You can be annoying and sexy."

"You're unbearable," he tells you, but the softness of his smile and the dimples in his cheeks would suggest that he doesn't think that in the slightest.

Nudging your nose up against his, you smile. "And yet you're holding onto me for dear life, aren't you?"

His grip only tightens. Hikes you further up his lap. Reaches down to discard the polaroids. Gets you right where you belong. "Think your blood alcohol content is high enough to kill pests, still?"

"So you admit it?" You tease, ignoring his question. "Your cum is an annoyance?"

"I'll admit it if you stop begging for it every time we fuck."

"Let's try now," you whisper. Let your nose nudge a little further against his. Don't kiss him - but you could . It drives him insane. "Let's see how I do."

He's about to lift the hem of your shirt. About to retrace the steps of a dance you know by heart at this point. Is about to disregard any and all of his initial panic of the morning - but then you're both distracted by a subtle thud.

Glazing over to the wall between yours and Danbi's room, it doesn't take a genius to work out what's happening. There's a second thud. A third. Fourth. A sound that is a little different, but incredibly human.

"Oh, fuck," Jeongguk laughs.

Whatever is happening in Danbi's room is exactly what was going to happen in your room.

"Oh my god," you laugh along with him. "Shit - Jimin."

"Let's go," Jeongguk taps on your thighs for you to get off, and you do so without hesitation.

The flirt had been fun, but it's not worth the humiliation of Jimin finally hearing you fuck. Jeongguk adjusts himself. Only has a semi, so it'll go down fairly quickly. Nothing to worry about.

"Oh thank God," Jimin hisses when you get to the living room. "Thought it was you guys."

"We don't fuck!" You both say in unison, and then look at each other as if you're offended by the quick denials.

"Right, yeah," Jimin mocks. "Totally believable. Good job, guys."

"Shut up," Jeongguk laughs, coming to rough house with a very delicate Jimin. They're as boisterous as brothers; testament to their friendship formed before they were tall enough for roller coasters. Gets him in a headlock. Jimin bites his arm. "We're just friends."

Jimin says something, but is still biting Jeongguk's arm, so it's completely muffled. With a big grin on your face, you just turn the TV up and plonk yourself down beside them. "Grow up."

And just like your denial earlier, Jeongguk and Jimin pull apart to look at you with great offence, and both say, "You grow up!"

You're certain that the boys will never outgrow how childish they are, and it worries you that the same could be said for you and Jeongguk.

Looking up to the disco balls in your living room, you notice the small swirl at the bottom of Jeongguk's mirrored tiles forms a small heart, and wonder how intentional it was.

He'll never tell you. Will keep it a mystery.

The world's worst kept secret: how much Jeon Jeongguk adores you.

A silly little thought to have. Implausible. You've seen him around girls he's loved. Don't think you into that category.

The most stupid thing at all is that you're even thinking about it. Why would you care to be loved by him? Why would you want your favourite person in the whole world to adore you? Why does it make you feel all nervous and yet remarkably calm all within the same second?

And when you look over time, and catch his eyes, why does his smile make your heart hurt?

But then your ovaries act up again. Give you a little pinch to remind you they're still there, even if they're not doing their job properly.

That must be it, you think. Just heightened hormones from your cycle being out of sync.

A knock at the door startles you from your thoughts, but Jeongguk offers to get it. You let him. Watch on with great curiosity as he takes a second to assess what's been delivered.

He looks down. Shakes his head. Scoffs. Lets out a laugh that sounds anything but humorous. Pushes his tongue against the inside of his cheek.

Is bitter - jealous - as he simply says, "It's for you."

AO3 | MASTERLIST | MINORS DNI

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padfootdaredmetoo · 2 years

Note

Closing Walls & Ticking Clocks is one of my favourite current series from you and I'd love a chapter where both sides of the family 'attempt' to have a peaceful dinner as a truce that eventually turns into the chaos one would expect when the Solomons + the Shelbys come together 🤭🙈 lots of love from Cass, proud of you always my friend.

Lovely Cass!

This is a whole bunch of things and it does include a dinner but most of the chaos will be in the next chapter! Hope you like where this is going. Love you ❤️

Rated: nothing explicit. The reader has an anxiety attack - not described in too much detail, but there are flashbacks to abuse, and she is comforted immediately. Mentions of losing a baby in the past, usual Shelby drama / peaky related themes

Previous parts: click here

You watched closely as Lizzie and Tommy navigated their relationship. He’d become much more protective of her, trying to be by her side more.

You’d sneakily traded bits and pieces of information about you and Noah to Polly till she was tipsy enough to give you more details about what had happened to Ruby. Once finished her eyes glazed over as she looked into the fire. You knew that she put on a sunny exterior for you and the kids, but deep down she looked an awful lot like Tommy in these moments.

Tired.

There were little wrinkles on her face that you’d not previously noticed and suddenly you felt the familiar pain of knowing that nothing lasts forever. Your eyes watered slightly at the thought of losing everyone one day.

“Time is all you have in the end.” She said darkly as if reading your thoughts. “Lizzie’s tough, she’ll be fine, love.” She followed in her usual tone.

The next few days you felt weighed down by Lizzie’s story. Unfortunately, there was nothing for you to do other than hope and pray that things would be different. Doctors were in and out frequently, and you’d walk in step with them asking questions till Tommy would tell you off.

The only thing that took your mind off of her, was the ever-growing threat against the family. Faceless, nameless, and motivated by revenge. No one would answer your questions or concerns.

Not knowing what else to do you called Noah. Mostly because you missed him, but also because you hoped that if Alfie had heard anything Noah would pass it along to you. The sound of his deep voice was enough to make your shoulders drop and you slid down the kitchen wall, taking a stolen cigarette out of your pocket. You started off with the code immediately, assuming anyone could be listening to your calls.

“I got a new coat ordered, it's Red. Going to match my Red shoes.” You said in a girly tone.

Red - things are sketchy, don't say too much.

“I liked the green one personally. Should I come around later? ” There was a faint tone of worry in his voice that made your knees weak.

“No, dad’s very busy. Lots of things happening with the business, you know how it can get.” You brushed him off taking a long drag of your cigarette. Wishing more than anything you could rest in his arms for a bit.

“I miss you.” He said softly and you heard an eruption of abuse calling after him from the men in the warehouse.

“I miss you too. Tell your dad I say hi? Might need to bring some apples around to make a pie one of these days.”

Apples - help.

“I’m sure he’d like that. When are you available to come around?”

“Anytime over the next few weeks should be fine. Nothing urgent is happening with me at the moment.” Things felt very urgent. But you didn't want to worry him.

“Just missing you both. Your dad always has so much to say.” You laughed a little remembering the brief meeting you’d had with him.

“We miss you too, love.”

“I’ll call you tonight.”

“Bye.” The line went dead and you hoped he understood what you were asking for.

You took a few breaths before getting back on your feet. You quickly opened a window and aired out the space before going up to find Lizzie. You spent the day by her side trying to make her laugh. When she’d get quiet you’d tuck in next to her and read. You found a great deal of comfort in being beside her and with the way she’d press a kiss to the top of your head or run her hand down your arm you felt she must feel the same.

That night, faceless men started following you in your sleep leaving you with the feeling that you were being watched. The phone rang sending you out of your bed and flying down the hallway. The ringing had stopped before you reached the phone at the bottom of the stairs. Moving into Tommy’s study you assumed he’d be giving Noah a hard time like he usually did. But it was silent. Your dad’s face was emotionless and cold as he looked up from his desk. He listened to whoever was on the other end of the phone.

“That won’t be necessary.” Swiftly he ended the call while putting out the cigarette dangling from his other hand.

“They are going to start closing in on us. No phone calls, no one in, and no one out of the house. You hear me?” His eyes were dark and for once you understood why people were so afraid of him. You froze on the spot your brain understanding what he was trying to say, but the rest of you only registered his tone. A wave of irrational panic started to shoot through you. He never talked to you that way ever.

“Do you hear me?” His words cut into you. “Don’t go calling Noah, just fucking forget him eh? For now. For both your sakes just fucking leave this alone.”

I fucked up. He blames me.

Memories of your late father's hand across your cheek became harder and harder to push down. Memories of the Priest at the orphanage with his hands around your neck flooded your mind.

Suddenly he got up from his seat and instead of running you decided to drop to the floor finally breaking eye contact. You tried to push him away as he picked you up and without a word he carried your shaking body upstairs. Your mind was racing in a hundred different directions accepting your fate, you squeezed your eyes shut. You heard a door open and then you were placed on a bed, but the sheets were wrong.

“What’s wrong with her.” Lizzie hissed and you felt her hands cradle your face.

“I may have shouted at her,” Tommy responded in an exasperated tone. He picked you up and placed you properly next to Lizzie.

“You shout at each other all the time?” She whispered, her cool fingers brushing the worry lines from your forehead. “Thomas,” She said in a tone that would wilt flowers.

“I’m fine.” You whisper. You felt the two of them get you under a blanket.

“Look, look at me.” He said softly. You shook your head, afraid to see that awful look in his eyes again. He said your name and Lizzie put her arm around you. You could tell by her sharp intake of breath that whatever she was about to say would be fatal. You opened your eyes and saw the version of him you were used to.

“Alfie and I don't have the best track record. He’s sold us out a few times, Eh? He works for the highest bidder. The last thing I want to see is you or the boy caught up in this. I don’t want either of you hurt. I know you will blame yourself for the rest of your life if something happens to him.”

Grace.

His words started to make sense, well, they always made sense. It was the way he said it that set you off. You nodded to show that you understood. He kissed your forehead and you made an unsuccessful effort to not jump away. The hurt in his eyes and the way Lizzie tensed up caused you to tell the truth.

“It’s not you. My dad- the priest - I - “ You took a deep breath. “I figured I was in for a beating. Just caught me off guard. You're fine. Thank you for caring about Noah.”

“Care is a bit much-”

“Thomas,” Lizzie warned. He let out a sigh, something flashed in his face and you assumed it was wonder about how he ended up here.

“What? Look, no one is putting their hands on you, certainly not me. And if anyone does I’ll kill them myself.”

You nodded and were grateful that those words ended the evening. You held his hand until you felt like you could doze off. Lizzie had fallen asleep again and you moved her arm off of you gently before kissing Tommy good night.

You fell asleep the moment your head touched the pillow.

Waking up your heart sank at the thought of not seeing or speaking to Noah for an undermined about of time. Sadness quickly turned into rage at the thought of some of the girls in your class moving in on him in your absence. With a huff of defeat, you got up and stuffed your feet into your slippers. Opening the curtain you were met with a positively gorgeous sight. The forest was coated in a heavy blanket of white snow.

Everything was pushed from your head momentarily as you ran through the house to find your parents. Loud voices were drifting up from the stairs and suddenly you were met with the whole family stuffed into the entryway. Swearing and shouting at the kids and where people's things were, the chaos only added to your high spirits.

“What's going on?”

“Movin' in!” Arthur boomed pulling you into a hug. The maids floated passed you to help bring everyone's things in. You naturally moved to Tommy’s side.

“Dad! Did you see the snow!”

“It’s hard to miss.”

“Can we go for a walk today?” You wanted to spend time with him just to ensure everything was good between the two of you. John came close and pressed his shoulder against Tommy’s before he could answer.

“Whole pack of cars just pulled up to the gate,” John said in a hushed voice. “M’ assuming it's for her.” He nodded towards you with a small smile.

“Why would it be for her-” Tommy stopped suddenly. “You’ve got to be kidding me.”

Knowing that look could only mean it was Noah, you moved passed everyone to set out onto the front steps.

It looked like the King was coming though. A whole parade of black cars rolled up and started pouring in from the gate. Without better judgment, you kicked off your slippers and tore down the steps in nothing but your nightgown and wool jumper.

“No! -” Tommy shouted but you saw the third black car slow down and Noah got out and started towards you. Everything was pushed from your mind as you ran through the snow-covered drive.

___

She jumped up and he caught her in a large embrace, twirling her around, her laugh echoing. They said nothing as he picked her up and started to carry her the rest of the way back to the house.

“So romantic isn't it?” Esme said and Tommy resisted the urge to put a hole in the wall.

“Young love. Can’t be stopped can it?” Lizzie said appearing out of nowhere.

“She must have mentioned what's going on. Brought the whole fucking organization by the looks of it.” Esme responded. Lizzie looked over to Tommy, his posture made her quickly grab his arm to lean against him.

“Not sure how they’re going to get back to London in this weather,” Polly stated the obvious with a devious smile on her face.

Noah carried her all the way up the stairs placing her on the entryway carpet.

“What are you doing here!” She said breathlessly, her face pink.

“Bringing Apples.” He answered easily. Her face lit up as everyone watched in confusion. Whatever it was it meant a lot to her.

Apples? - better not be some kinky shit or ill skin him alive. Tommy thought bitterly as Alfie came into view.

“Morning,” Alfie said looking pleased with himself. “Word on the street says the Shelbys are back under one roof.”

“Office,” Tommy said pulling Lizzie alongside him. Arthur and John watched Alfie closely as they all descended into the office.

__________

The office door closed and you looked back up at Noah still unbelieving that he was there. After carrying you all that way your flushed body was most certain of his close presence, but your mind was more stubborn. You thought maybe his dad would call if he heard anything. You didn't think he’d come all this way in a snowstorm. He kept you close and you were desperate to talk to him alone. A look that must have been obvious as Esme suddenly started herding you all into the Kitchens.

“Long journey like that requires a hot cuppa tea!”

The three of you sat at the table while the kids ran wildly through the house. She poured glasses of whiskey and hot tea before starting her interrogation.

“So all the way from London, that’s a long way for some tea.”

He chuckled and took a sip of the whiskey before answering.

“It's excellent tea.” He smiled at you and your face turned hot. “I heard that things were getting a bit dangerous in these parts. Thought the least I could do is ask around and come to help out.” His stare was intense as you realized the full extent of what he meant. He brought everyone here to protect you.

“Interesting and what did you hear exactly?”

“The Changretta family was taking a special interest in the whereabouts of the family. They came to us, the day before some Irish lads told us that you were all moving back to watery lane. You called later on saying things were dangerous.”

“And all the lads?”

“Wasn’t sure what type of folks you had protecting the place. Figured more wouldn't be a problem.”

“And your Da’ what’s in it for him?”

“Ah, that I’m not quite sure of. I’d like to think that they did it because I asked. But he and Thomas always seem to have something going on between them.”

Esme nodded satisfied with her answers.

“So you brought men - “

“And guns.”

“Men and guns, but how are the two of you going to get back to London.”

“Figured we join in on the fun.” He shrugged. Esme let out a laugh.

________________________________

“I told you this wasn't necessary,” Tommy said in a tense voice.

“Eh, the boy wouldn't shut up. He’s miserable when he starts. Just like his mum was.” Alfie said looking around.

“Why help us?” Arthur asked with clenched fists.

“Well, things are a bit different these days, no?”

“Not different to us. Kids in love or not, we still have history, and this isn't a time to be doing business.” John said responding before Arthur could get them into trouble.

“Irish boys are out on the street saying that the Shelby clan are moving back to Watery lane. Changretta are chasing every lead they get for information about you lot. Gave me an offer to help finish you off.”

“And?” Tommy said cooly.

“And I told them I’d see it done. The real question is how are we going to get back at them if we are holed up in the house?”

“The snow -” John started.

“-Will give us time to plan, but we’ll need to be ready once the roads clear.”

“Again why help us?” Tommy asked.

“I have a business offer.” Tommy knew he wouldn't give more information with everyone in the room.

“You lot out.” He waved for everyone but Lizzie and Alfie to leave. Once the door was shut he waited for him to go on.

“Well, this gives me a couple opportunities. To spend time with your girl and also to ask about the passages you used to transport certain goods. I’ll assume you still know some people.”

“I’ll have it done,” Tommy said after a long moment.

“Thomas, I’m not sure I like where this is going. He’s a fucking mess without her.” Alfie said in a low tone.

“That makes two of us,” Tommy answered sternly.

“If I find out this is some big play to get back at me I’ll be sure you all pay a hefty price.”

“Trust me, this is the last thing I want her involved in."

The two men stared at each other for a long while.

“Look, we love our daughter, you love your son. For their sake let’s try to keep things as normal as possible. No business when they are around. Whether things work out or not let's just try to get along like parents would?” Lizzie was starting to feel another bout of morning sickness come on and was desperate to be back upstairs.

“Deal.” Alfie put his hand out and they shook on it.

______________________

Soon enough the Sitting room was packed. You were very amused at Alfie and Noah being thrown into the mix. You sat next to him and you both kept a close eye on Tommy and Alfie leaving to speak in private with the boys every time information came in.

“Do you want to go for a walk with me?” You asked desperate for some fresh air and space to talk freely about what he’d said to Esme.

“Not sure that’s the best idea. Don’t want you to catch a cold.” He looked around the room giving away his actual motive.

“Sit outside on the steps for a bit?” You bargained. Somehow you both managed to slip out unnoticed and went to sit on the steps at the back door. Lots of camps were set up with big fires and people making jokes and laughing.

“So you know about these Changretta folks?” You watched his face closely as he thought about his response.

“Not really my place, love.” He lit a cigarette and avoided your eyes.

“Please? No one will tell me anything.” He let out a sigh and you leaned against his side, he wrapped his arm around you.

“They are an Italian family. Apparently, John killed off a guy for dating Lizzie a while back. Things went back and forth before they had their hands full with other things. Now Luca has come back to avenge his family by taking yours out.”

“And you are involved because of me?” You said weakly.

“Dad’s been trying to expand business in New York for a while now, plus he wants something from Tommy.” His eyes told you it was something else. “Even without that stuff, we’d be here. Not going to leave you alone when I know I can help.” You leaned in and pressed a kiss to his lips. Enjoying the smell of cigarette smoke and the warmth of his hand on your cheek.

“Wait - John killed someone for dating Lizzie? What - wait what do you know about my family?”

“Erm- A fair bit, I suppose.” A dark feeling made itself present in the pit of your stomach. You mentally slapped yourself for not asking these types of questions sooner. You looked at him sprawled on the top stair smoking his cigarette. Revisiting Tommy’s words from the night before about how Alfie had sold them out.

What if you’d just brought the enemy into the house? What if that’s why he’s with you.

“Our families are more friends than they are enemies. I’m not interested in business, your dad worked hard to get his life cleaned up. I respect him for not wanting you to fall into all this.”

“Does that mean you’d leave it behind?” He leaned in closer to you and you suddenly wanted more than anything to kiss him again.

“In a heartbeat.” He kissed your forehead before helping you up.

___________________________________

Tommy sat at the table, a task that was already challenging with his family. Alfie and Noah were an interesting addition. He would never admit it but having them here wasn't as horrible as he thought it would be. Alfie was well-behaved, and for the first time, Tommy got the feeling that perhaps the two of them were getting old.

Most of the dinner was spent harassing the two teens. Noah took on the worst of it.

“Your dad is a right savage. He ever tell you about the time with the Russians? Savage.”

“Alfie,” Tommy warned.

“You should have seen them the whole lot of them acting like animals. We stole -”

“Alfie.” He said more sternly.

“Fine, but what about the time with the bear in the pub - that’s a right classic.”

“Bear in the pub?” Lizzie asked as Tommy finished the last of his drink.

“Nother time I suppose.” He scratched his beard. “Well, what about you love, what are you planning to do after school.”

“I erm - well I was thinking of pursuing accounting. Always jobs for that and I’m good with numbers. I haven't thought about it much.”

“Numbers, I like that. Smart girl, people like us always need clever accountants. Very sharp.” Alfie said cheerfully and Tommy hated how she was eating up his approval.

“If you were to be married -”

“Alfie” Tommy growled earning a laugh from Esme. Arthur looked positively distraught over the concept, reaching for the whisky bottle.

“We can save that for later I suppose. Hmmm well, there was how we first met - do you remember darling?” He looked over at Tommy and it wasn't unnoticed how annoyed he was.

“What if we don't tell stories tonight, eh?” Tommy suggested tensely. Alfie thought about it for a moment before turning to Polly.

“Are you really a gypsy queen? Does that make you sort of famous amongst your people?” He started again and Tommy was suddenly worried that they would run out of whiskey if the snow was actually going to stick for a full week. Esme seemed to find the whole thing hilarious often indulging him with stories and jokes. Tommy was grateful for her ability to keep things civil. Eventually, Arthur was looking slightly pickled and it was well past eleven.

He locked eyes with Polly and she asked a silent question.

Should we keep drinking, or go to bed?

Everyone hated the dining room, this was probably the most time they’d managed to spend in it, but moving to the kitchen was more a family-only type thing. Looking over to Lizzie answered the question well enough. She looked beautiful but exhausted.

“Bout time for bed eh?” Polly announced.

“Guess so. Help me with the stables?” Arthur asked you and you nodded looking slightly surprised. Which meant something was most certainly going on. There was no reason to help with the stables.

“Francis, can you show everyone to their rooms?” Tommy asked easily.

“Of course.” She answered.

Tommy watched as you gave Noah a hug, he whispered something in your ear that made you smile. Then you moved into the entryway to pull your boots on.

“Night.” Tommy nodded at Alfie.

“Night” He nodded back.

After helping Lizzie up to the room he went out the stables to see what the commotion was about. He followed the dark path to the stables.

“No way. No absolutely no. How? I just - you and Lizzie. Does Esme know?!” Your voice called out as he approached the door.

“Well, I’m sure it's been mentioned but let's not bring up the past eh?” John responded looking slightly pale. Tommy leaned against the doorway watching his two brothers attempt to lecture you. John sitting on a bucket as Arthur paced in front of you. You saw him standing there but decided to keep quiet.

“Anyway the point is. Lots of stuff between us and the Solomons eh.” Arthur started

“Can’t trust em” John added

“And trust me. I know exactly what you're thinking. Oooh he’s so handsome and he smokes cigarettes and his hair's all swoopy and he’s got nice muscles. He’s all mysterious and dangerous. Swoon, maybe I could change him.”

“You can't,” John said nodding.

“Absolutely can’t change him.” Arthur continued. “Now he’s here because he’s done business with Tommy. Once he’s gotten what he wants and this mess is cleaned up. He’s going to be on to the next lass.”

“You’ll be devastated.”

“So don't even think about sleeping with him. He’s probably fuck-” Tommy watched your face pinch up similar to the way it had before you fell to the floor the night before.

“That’s enough Arthur.” Tommy interrupted sharply. “I think she understands.”

You nodded hiding away the hurt in your eyes.

“How many random people have you guys killed?” You asked.

“I don’t know about random…” John mumbled

“Are we including the war?” Arthur asked. Tommy thought about the past and wondered if what you’d seen in your life would make you understanding of the choices he’d made.

“Okay so let me get this straight. Lizzie was a wh-prostitute, sleeping with Tommy then John wanted to marry her - but you ruined it - Gace - the Grace was gone, then back, then passed, and then you started sleeping with Lizzie again as her boss - and then you married her when she got pregnant - then got me when Ruby passed?”

“More or less” Tommy shrugged, seemed a bit over the top when it's all laid out like that.

“Wait till she hears about Gretta,” Arthur said quietly.

“And all the others in between-” John added before stopping himself.

“Do you love her?” Your voice was steady, and he knew you well enough to know you were gearing up for a fight.

“Yes.” He answered seriously.

“Promise?”

“Got you so she’d stay.” He wasn't sure if it was the right thing to say. “Ruby brought us together, but I think it was meant to be from the start.”

You nodded thinking for a moment.

“Do you think Alfie is here to kill us in our sleep?”

“No, I think Alfie’s here because he wants a piece of New York and wants Changretta out of the way.”

“Do you think Noah’s with me to ruin the family?”

“No. Alfie wouldn't send his son to his dirty work. I’m not sure of his intentions, but I don’t think they are related to the business.”

“So you think he likes me for me?”

“I think teenage boys are awful and cruel. For his sake, he better like you for you. Or we’ll handle it.”

“Either way you won't leave me?” Your eyes narrowed and he could tell it was difficult for you to get the words out.

“Never.”

“No matter how bad I fuck up?”

“Never.” He repeated. “That being said you can sleep in with Lizzie tonight.”

“Was going to sleep with Pol.”

“No.” He answered easily.

“Alright.” You said without fuss surprising him.

“Now is there anything else you both left out?” He looked and John and Arthur.

“Well, we could be out here all night-”

“Let’s not and say we did, eh?

They all piled back into the house and you followed Tommy up the stairs before going back to your room to change.

_________________

After getting ready in your bathroom you noticed that your bedding had already been moved. You slowly made your way to your parent's room down the hall. Getting close to the door you heard them talking.

“Well, how would you know what she thinks of me now?” Lizzie snapped. You decided to make your way in there to break up whatever they were arguing about.

“Probably no different than she’s always thought of you.” He mumbled as you came into the room.

Lizzie gave you a strange look and suddenly you thought back to how Arthur had spoken about her past. You stepped over your cot at the foot of the bed to climb up in between them.

You placed yourself against her side and enjoyed the way she embraced you.

“Are you frightened again?” She whispered, running her hands through your hair.

“No - well I’m not sure. I want to think Noah’s here for the right reasons.”

“I think he is darling. Try not to stress over it.”She placed a kiss on your head and you felt better knowing what she thought.

You considered going back to the floor but to put Tommy at ease you stayed between them dozing off.

#Tommy shelby #Lizzie Shelby #tommy x lizzie #Tommy Shelby x Lizzie Shelby #Shelby family #peaky blinders #peaky blinders request #peaky blinders imagine #Peaky blinders series #Reader x Noah Solomons #alfie solomons #Shelby family imagine #Closing walls & ticking clocks

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ioveagron · 1 year

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my new directions sexuality (and gender) headcanons (plus a few reasons why) - part one; the first generation (in seasons 1-3)

1. rachel berry - bisexual

- she basically admires quinn

- calls quinn pretty like 90% of the time

- lea michele herself ships both faberry and pezberry

- this post

2. finn hudson - bisexual

- i don't really have an explanation for this except; “that was so gay” in artie's musical fantasy (i think) and “that's an image that i can never get out of my mind” when he saw sam as a stripper... like okay....

3. quinn fabray - lesbian

- literally drew [REDACTED] pictures of rachel on the bathroom walls

- LITERALLY f worded santana (twice, i might add)

-“i've always wondered what it would be like with a woman”

- “rosario, you are killing it in that dress”

- the entirety of 4x14 (i do)

- she literally stared at santana and mercedes while they were shaking ass in river deep mountain high (smiling happily i might add)

- joe: i've never met anyone who's gay // quinn: oh i guarantee you have (so... you?)

- the entirety of “it's a man's man's man's world”, need i say more?

- when rachel told her she and finn were getting married, she said “you can't”... why? cause you wanna marry her?

- dianna wore a “likes girls” shirt on tour once (should be enough to convince you that girly in fact ISN'T straight)

4. santana lopez - lesbian

- well i know this is canon but since i see A LOT of people (on AO3 especially) trying to erase her sexuality, here's me explaining why she IS in fact a lesbian (i am a lesbian too so don't fight me on this)

- she did not give out “mixed signals” on the show. i know she said she was attracted to both girls and guys in 2x15 (sexy), but that part was obviously a blatant lie. after f wording finn in 1x15 (the power of madonna), the first thing she did was to ask for a burger, like girly... really??

- she also cheated on literally every guy she dated (with mostly brittany), i mean come on if a guy did a good job to her, she wouldn't even think of cheating (i don't think so at least)

- she had more chemistry with any of the girls than any of the guys she dated/in the new directions

5. sam evans - bisexual

- idk if any of you guys knew this but he was actually originally introduced as kurt's love interest on the show, so.... 🤨

- also NO straight guy would take the time to do a whole macaroni portrait of another guy (as seen in 4x17; guilty pleasures)

- blaine literally developed a crush on him idk

6. kurt hummel - gay (,non-binary and asexual)

- alright no explanation needed for his sexuality, it's canon

-also i do not actually have an explanation for his nb headcanon... i read about it once and just went with it lmao

- i do however have an explanation for the ace headcanon, in 2x15 (sexy), he said he didn't like hearing about the sex talk burt and blaine both tried to give him, and to be fair, he seems asexual

7. blaine anderson - gay

- no explanation needed, it's canon

8. noah puckerman - pansexual

- he will literally shag anyone and everyone LMFAO

prt 2 coming soon cuz i can't add more photos lmao 😭

part two!

#glee #glee headcanons #sexuality headcanons #gleeks #gleek

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amberjazmyn · 1 month

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grievances💔🫶

pairing : oscar piastri x piastri!fem reader x fem!reader

summary : oscar piastri's first wife nichola piastri dies during the childbirth of their fifth and final child. oscar moves on and starts falling in love with cecelia, the best friend of the piastri family.

warnings : emotions, death from childbirth, hospitals, flashbacks, gets happier towards the end

a/n : this will be the first time i write something angsty for oscar, and i feel like i should apologise but it's time a different driver gets the punch of angst since it's almost always lando, charles, carlos or max. also, the names of the kids are as follows in age order, jazmyne (15 to 17), elena (15 to 17), noah (8 to 10), logan (7 to 9) and lennon (baby) is the newborn.

a/n : and yes, it would physically impossible for oscar to have this many kids at the age he's at now but ignore that part of it lol. and also, jazmyne and elena ages go from 15 to 18 in this so i have changed it to them being sisters of nichola that they adopted so that's why the ages don't match up so oscar and nichola's biological kids are noah, logan and lennon but they adopted the sisters of nichola.

fc : for first wife, nichola, will be lily zneimer to imagine and second wife, cecelia, will be girly's from pinterest

two years ago | oscar's pov

jazmyne, the younger sister of my wife was stirring in my lap as her head lay there as the rest of her body was spread out on a couple of hospital waiting room chairs. trying to get her to sleep even though i knew, despite her being my sister-in-law that nichola and i adopted as our legal kids, she hated sleeping in the hospital. which, in turn, was very different to the rest of her siblings, her twin sister elena and her two younger brothers noah and logan. however, i knew i couldn't leave nichola, my wife and the mother of my now five kids. just in case nichola woke up, i didn't want her to wake up on her own, especially considering she's just given birth to our brand new baby girl, lennon grace, i didn't want her to freak out and wonder where everyone was.

just as a backstory, i have five kids with nichola, jazmyne amber and elena nicole are fifteen and are twin sisters and the younger sisters of nichola that we adopted way before we even considered having our own children. noah jack is the first baby of ours that nichola and i had together after we had had jazmyne and elena with us for a couple of years and he has just recently turned eight, logan michael was our second child and he is seven and lennon grace, is our third biological child but the fifth overall who was just born a couple of hours ago. and during nichola's pregnancy with lennon, it was quite dangerous but, we were told that once nichola had actually given birth to lennon that everything would be fine. and that, maybe, hopefully, we'd still get my wife back afterwards.

how long we'd have to wait until we got the all-clear to drive back to monte-carlo from montmartre, france, i'd spend it waiting here in this very hospital waiting room just to make sure that the love of my life was okay. i know much the teenagers despises the hospital and, i feel awful that i'm doing this, i truly do but, we were the only family of nichola's that was close enough to make sure she was okay. cecelia, a best friend of nichola and myself was also with us as she helped jaz, elena and myself take care of noah, logan and baby lennon when we had visiting hours to check in on nichola.

"...jazz, please, babe, can you try to get some sleep? it's nearly midnight, can you at least try for me? please?" i cry out in distress, whilst elena, my two boys and lennon were all fast asleep in the hospital bed that was in the room we had been provided, jazzy just couldn't - and i knew it was because of how terrified she was of hospitals but, i just needed to get jazz off to sleep

"no, oscar. i don't like it here! i want nichola to wake up and for us to go back home. i just want to be back home in monaco with you, nichola, elena, noah, logan and baby lennon!" jazz tiredly cries into my chest and hearing her say that as my fifteen-year-old girl makes my heart shatter even more

"jazzy, baby, i know you want to be home, i do too but, we just can't. not whilst nichola is in the state she's in, we need your sister to get better. maybe if i place you with elena you'll sleep?" i tried, usually if jazzy slept with elena, she was able to fall asleep at the click of a finger, pulling her closer to my bare chest as i tried to get her to sleep - a knock at the door gains our attention

it was cecelia, she had a small but exhausted smile on her face, and her hair was still done up in the braids that jazzy had done earlier in the morning before nichola had given birth to lennon.

"hey osc, hey jazzy," she spoke quietly so as not to wake up elena and the two boys as jazz and i smiled back, both of us responding

"hey cece," "hey lia"

cecelia smiled, running her finger through jazz's hair and then her hands through mine as jazz was still resting against my chest. her legs most likely going numb from not having any movement for the past few hours.

"osc, the nurses are suggesting it's probably about time you, jazz, elena, noah and logan go back home, the last i heard, i think your mum has been trying to get ahold of you. and, before you even think to argue with me oscar jack, i've already agreed on staying here with lando's girlfriend overnight for the rest of the week to see if nichola wakes up and to also help take care of baby lennon. besides, despite the fact you think you're hiding this pretty well, i damn well know how badly you're also wanting to be back home in monaco. come on osc, listen to your eldest child and go home! i've already spoken to zac and andrea as well as your closest f1 friends and they are just as worried about nichola as you are! i promise if they are any, and i mean any updates about nichola, you are the first person i'm calling, okay?" cecelia hadn't ever been so stern with me before but, i knew she was right and i knew i shouldn't have been ignoring jazmyne in the way i had been so, i agreed, knowing that nichola was going to be safe with cecelia and lando's girlfriend

"fine, but you...you promise if anything changes or happens, you ring me?" i double-check as my voice shakes, cecelia comes closer, grabbing a tight hold of my hand as i jolt slightly, letting jazz slide off my lap as she gets her hoodie and then goes to wake up her sister and two brothers and cecelia nods her head

"i pinky swear osc! anything that changes or what have you, you are the first person i'm ringing whether nichola's parents or nicole like it or not!" cecelia spoke firmly as i nodded my head, believing her as i then slipped my own hoodie on considering i had been shirtless the whole time

i then grabbed logan out of jazz's grip as she still held noah tightly as he lay asleep on her shoulder, elena holding jazz's free hand, giving cecelia a hug as we then walked out of the hospital room, elena holding onto our overnight bag on her shoulders.

🥀

for three days, jazmyne, elena, noah, logan and i had now been home in monaco and still, we hadn't received any texts or calls from either cecelia or lando's girlfriend in regards to nichola and her current state, it honestly scared me. and i hadn't even realised i had been so silent until lando, my fellow mclaren teammate, had come over to ask why jazmyne was crying whilst my other three children were perfectly fine.

"...hey, osco, why's jazmyne crying...oscar!" lando went to ask me why jazz had been crying when he realised i zoned out

"huh?" i responded as lando sighed, he knew, the whole of f1, and our teammates knew how worried i've been about nichola and the two boys that, i just haven't really been able to concentrate or really focus on anything as i'd usually be able to

"osc, we all know you're worried about nichola and the other kids but, what about jazz, she's your kid too. sure, she's nichola's younger sister but she's still your kid. she's just as worried about her sister then you are. yes, she's the eldest but, that makes no difference! she's been crying for the past five minutes, i can't even calm her down, and neither can elena, max or charles. and that isn't normal at all, osc! please, help calm your daughter down oscar, she needs you due to the fact that her sister is sick and in the hospital right now, and apart from us, her uncles and aunties, you're the only parent she has right now!" lando spoke softly but sternly with a sad look in his eyes considering nichola, my wife, was also good friends with lando as i gulped, nodding my head, he's right, i can't be selfish and ignore jazmyne just because she's the eldest

"sorry lando," i sniffled, finally letting myself have a cry as well, lando sighed sadly and sat next to me to calm me down

"oscar, don't apologise, your wife is in the hospital after giving birth to another wonderful baby girl after we all thought she was in the clear. it is totally normal and okay to cry and worry but, don't let that worry consume you. especially when you have four other kids, most especially your two fifteen-year-olds to look after as well," lando spoke softly and comfortingly as he rubbed my back

agreeing with lando, i nodded my head, wiping away my tears with my hoodie sleeve and was when jazmyne came in front of me. although she was fifteen, she climbed into my lap, she still felt like a little kid around me but we had no care in the world considering she was nichola and i's, first kid, although only after we adopted her due to their parents no longer able to look after the twins.

"osc...is, is nichola gonna be okay? is she gonna wake up?" jazmyne sniffled as i gulped, biting my lip, doing whatever it was i could in stopping my own tears from falling in front of my eldest as i just hugged her tighter, pulling her closer as lando just watched on

"of course, she will jazz, it just takes time okay? but i promise you, she'll wake up and when she does, we can have lennon come home with her as well and we'll all be one big happy family..." i said with a shaky voice as jazmyne smiled which made me smile although i was just as scared and uncertain as jazmyne was about nichola waking up

present-day | oscar's pov

"...oscar, why did you lie to me when you said that nichola was going to wake up and that lennon was going to come home with us?!" jazmyne suddenly screeched, i felt the tears in the back of my eyes as i was taken aback

the last time jazmyne screamed at me was when she was still trying to come to terms with that she had lost her older sister when she was fifteen years old alongside the rest of her siblings.

"i...i, jazz..." just as i went to explain to her with everyone watching the two of us, jazmyne screams once more and then runs, storms upstairs to her room and slams the door shut as it frightens everyone due to the loud noise it made

"...just shut up oscar! i hate you! i hate cecelia! i hate everyone in this goddamn house! i just want my sister back! why is that so hard to understand?!" she screams as she then runs upstairs to her room after which she slams her door shut, all of us left jumping in fear

as soon as jazmyne's door slams shut, a sob comes out of nowhere and left my mouth as i sunk from my standing position to the floor below, my legs not able to hold the weight of my body up anymore.

"oh...oscar..." cecelia whispered as she ran over to comfort me and the tears don't stop, and neither do the loud wails that caused my entire body to shake

cecelia pulls me into her arms and i cried into her chest as she tries to get me to calm down, i look up to notice lando and max both agreed to go upstairs to see jazmyne as it had all of a sudden gone quiet. thanking every god i could think of that charles and his girlfriend were distracting elena, noah, logan and lennon otherwise i'd rather die right now than see my other kids see their older sister in this sort of state.

"ssh, it's okay osc, let it all out. lando and max have gone upstairs to see if jazz is okay. everything is going to be fine, babe. i know you miss nichola, and so do i but, we have to be as strong as we can for the kids, okay?" cecelia sternly spoke as i nodded my head, sniffling as i got up off the floor and the both of us followed lando and max up the stairs to jazmyne's room

cecelia and i had made it to jazmyne's room where the door was closed. giving us the obvious that lando and max had gotten through to her somehow and got her to allow them to talk to her.

lando's pov

"...jazmyne, we know how much you're missing your sister. trust me, she was my best friend and i miss nichola, as does everyone. however, what you just said to oscar was not nice, okay? you made him really upset, you really gave him a fright when you yelled at him as well," softly, i reached my hand over to my niece who gulped, finally lifting her head up, making me smile in slight shock that i got through to her so quickly

then, jazmyne finally, lifted her head up and her face was littered with tears. i shared a sad look with max as i had to figure this out.

"i...i'm sorry uncle lando but, i...i really miss nichola! i mean, cecelia's great, i really do love her but, knowing that she's nichola's best friend just makes it hurt even more and i..." before jazmyne could continue, max shushed her and calmed her down

"...shh, jazz, it's okay schat, we all know how much you're missing your sister, we all miss her just as much *soft giggle* however, as uncle lando said, you shouldn't have yelled at oscar like that. he is also still grieving the loss of your sister as well as trying to balance five kids on his own and having you yelling at him, telling him that you hate him isn't going to bring your sister back now is it?" max was also soft but fatherly in his tone, sitting in front of jazz, sitting criss-cross as she gulped, shaking her head no - it was shocking that max was getting through to jazmyne the way he was

"no," she responded as she pressed her hands together, noticing how sweaty they were as i rubbed her back, giving me a small smile and then giving one to max

"exactly jazz so, we're gonna stand up and just right outside, cecelia and oscar are waiting and you're going to apologise and give oscar the biggest hug ever because he really needs it. he misses nichola so much and, you are one of five remaining things he's got left of your sister alongside your siblings so, make sure you hug him as tightly as you can!" max said with a small smile as jazmyne nodded her head, making max and i smile - yes, we actually got through to her!

we then all stood up as jazmyne opened the door, cecelia and oscar were outside waiting as jazmyne ran straight over to oscar as he catches her. straight away, they both broke down into tears as i bit my lip, stopping myself from crying.

"i...i'm so sorry oscar! i...i don't hate you, i just really miss nichola and with her not being here, it just hurts. and, i'm sorry to you as well, cecelia. i don't hate you either, it's just, knowing you are nichola's best friend makes it hurt even more as it reminds me all the time of what i've lost and it...it scares me that i'm gonna lose you and i...i don't want that," jazmyne sobs out into oscar's shoulder as i share a look with max as we sigh quietly - jazmyne was still learning about what grief was and how to deal with it all

"thank you for apologising jazzy but, it is okay. i know you don't hate me because i understand that this is all due to you missing your sister. i miss her too, we all do. but, please, don't yell at me like that ever again, okay? if you want to scream, the best idea is to scream into a pillow. remember the lavender pillow that she gave to you for your birthday? use that, trust me, it works and i do it almost all the time before i go to bed, i just scream into my pillow and smell your sister's perfume and, i feel ten times better," oscar smiles, pulling out of the hug as jazmyne smiles back, wiping her tears away as she nods her head

two years ago | oscar's pov

"...where's my wife?! where is she?!" i scream, tears streaming down my face as i try to figure out where she went

for context, my wife wasn't in the same hospital room she was in last week when cecelia and lando's girlfriend were staying here and, no messages were sent from cecelia to me about a room change so i was furious. not at cecelia but at the hospital as usually, you'd think that they'd be the ones to contact you about a room change, not your best friend but, apparently, you get neither!

"sir...sir, can you please calm down? who is it that you are trying to find?" a nurse suddenly runs in front of me and i slightly calm down, i gulp as i see my hands shake in front of me before i respond

"my wife, nichola piastri, she's been in room 392b for about, ah, i don't know, a few months in and out since giving birth to our newborn daughter, lennon grace piastri. but, when i just then went inside to visit her, there was no one in there! is my wife okay? we-we have five kids, two 15-year-olds, an 8-year-old, a 7-year-old and a newborn together! please, tell me that nichola is okay?!" i say as my breathing speeds up as i feel another batch of tears well in my eyes as i try to keep them from streaming down my cheeks

i then hear footsteps come up behind me, a hand pulling me back, i instantly recognise it as lando. i feel my breathing start to regulate properly, knowing that my f1 family were here for me.

"okay, what's your name sir and, who are these people behind you?" the kind nurse whose nametag introduced her as dr rachel alessi asks as i look behind me before responding

"i...i'm oscar piastri, nichola's husband, i have four of my five children and i-uh..."

"--we're the rest of his family, doctor alessi if you please, we'd really like it if we could go in and find out what's wrong with nichola, please, that is all we're asking for!" lando interrupts as i smile at the ground before i looked back up as doctor alessi nodded her head

"okay, my apologies, come with me guys. in regards to the reason why we've moved nichola from room 392b to just a couple of rooms down from this waiting room was i think due to some issues that were happening that i am not fully aware of so, apologies for that. however, because i am only just a registered nurse, you'll have to wait until nichola's midwife and surgeon who was actually the two managing and taking care of her, to find out what it is that's wrong with her. so, i'll unfortunately, have to ask you all to just, as patiently as you can, wait here until one of the surgeons or midwives is able to give you the information you need. thank you for being so patient oscar and company," doctor alessi was professional as she could be as she was then whisked away into another waiting room across the hall

i then fell back into the chair behind me as i heard crying - i turned to see it was jazmyne, she was crying into her knees as my heart shattered. her brothers, noah and logan were sound asleep and elena had left to fetch herself and jazmyne something to eat, just as she had promised on the drive over from monaco. i moved closer to jazmyne as i notice the rest of her uncles and family looking over at jazmyne and me, and i could easily tell that they were heartbroken as well. jazmyne leans her head into my chest and i pull her closer as she sobs. i bite my lip to stop my own cries despite the difficulty that was.

"ssh, jazz, it's okay babe! nichola's going to be just fine, okay?" i try to calm jazmyne down as her cries just get louder - this is the one thing about parenting that i struggle with, watching and hearing my children cry and not knowing exactly how to comfort them or cry with them

max and i share a look, max knowing the exact look of wishing he could take the pain away. he bites his lip as i know he wanted to cry now as well, lando, nichola's best friend had started crying long ago but, max didn't want to cry. he wanted to stay strong for his nieces and nephews and, i don't blame him as i felt the same way.

"when...when will she wake up? i miss my sister!" jazz sobs as i close my eyes, hoping it was all just a dream and that we were on a beach or at a grand prix as a family, not in the hospital in france

"i...i don't know jazz, i really don't know and i am so sorry that i can't give you a proper answer!" i respond tearfully as jazz sobs again and i feel awful as that was when doctor alessi came back over to us with somewhat of a hopeful look on her face which made my heart race

"ahem, i...i am so sorry if this is something i'm interrupting but, oscar, is it okay if i just grab you for a second, privately? one of jazz's uncles can take her and the boys but, i just really need to tell you this in private due to the children..." doctor alessi spoke in a hushed sort of tone

i gulped, nodding my head as i released my grip on jazmyne, max and lando immediately grabbing her, lando's fingers massaging her head as charles and his girlfriend watched over noah and logan, elena still getting some food. doctor alessi leading the both of us into a hallway a couple of doors down from the waiting room

"...so, what's up with nichola, has there been any new news about her from her midwives or surgeons?" i ask as i bite the inside of my lip as doctor alessi takes a second which worries me slightly

"that's the thing, oscar. when nichola was pregnant with lennon, it was always known from the beginning that it would be a troublesome pregnancy. i also understand that you guys were told that as soon as lennon was to be delivered that nichola would be fine and that within twenty-four to forty-eight hours that she'd be discharged along with your daughter. however, that obviously was not true as nichola has been here for way longer than expected. and that is because, something irregular with nichola's blood was detected and, it looked as if it was a tear which has caused internal bleeding---" this was all too much for me to comprehend but, nichola's going to survive right? i mean, she has to, we have five kids together for fuck sake, we have jazmyne, elena, noah, logan and lennon together!

"---wha...what? but, nichola's okay, right? like, she's gonna survive? she...she's going to wake up?" i ask, feeling myself panic, please tell me that nichola's going to wake up, i can't have my five children, especially little lennon grow up without their mum and sister

"just as i was about to explain before you cut me off, oscar, there is a high percentage rate of her not waking up," my heart fell with a thud into my chest as she said that and my eyes widen

"do you know the percentage of nichola waking up?" i asked as tears brimmed my eyes, i mean, is there even going to be a survival rate for her considering her death rate is already so high but still unknown

"i actually have no idea oscar, i was not told. however, because we don't think nichola is going to last through the night without complications, we think it's best if you go visit her, her room number is 583b. i suggest you also grab all of the children, elena included and the aunties and uncles. of course, the younger boys, noah and logan aren't going to fully understand and that's totally understandable. but, even if jazmyne and elena get confused as well, try to make it somewhat easier for all of them to understand. but if you can't make them understand, i am more than happy to explain it to them. but, i...uh, i'm terribly sorry about this oscar, all of us who've been working directly and even those indirectly with nichola were really hoping for it to end in any way but this way and, i'm sorry we can't have it end positively with your wife..." i feel my heart shatter and drown as i try to come to terms with what doctor alessi just revealed as she then speaks up again

"...oh, and before i forget, for a few moments, it did look as though she was responding with the movements of limbs but, it wasn't anything to suggest that it was an improvement because almost straight away, she went back down. but, besides that, if you'll come back with me, i can walk with you and tell the rest of the family about nichola so you don't have to and then, i can lead you guys to 583b and say your final goodbyes to her," doctor alessi spoke professionally, without skipping a beat as i nodded my head, a single tear slipping down my cheek as my worst fear had come true - my best friend dying on me, leaving me as a single father to our five children

"thank you doctor alessi," was all that i could muster saying from my mouth as i follow behind her as we walk back to the group, noticing that elena had only just walked back over from the cafe and the doctor breaks the news to them

straight away, jazmyne runs over to me, seeing her uncle lando struggle to hold back his tears with max right next to him, lando's girlfriend on the other side. jazmyne then looked up at me with sad and confused eyes as my heart broke, again.

"osc...why is uncle lando crying?" jazmyne questioned in confusion as my heart shatters and i bite my lip and take a deep breath - ready to tell her when doctor alessi steps in instead

"jazz..."

"...jazmyne, sweetheart, the reason why some of your family members are crying is that something has happened to your sister since giving birth to your sister, lennon," doctor alessi started as jazmyne tilted her head to the side and then turns it to elena as they stood together, all bunched up watching what was happening

"what do you mean doctor alessi? is nichola okay?" jazmyne asks as my heart cracks

yes, she was fifteen and a big girl, as is elena, but in this situation, i had never seen my two girls look so small and afraid in their lives. turning to look away, i look back to notice that max had wrapped his arm around me. his girlfriend kelly watching over noah and logan as they both fell asleep

"remember when oscar mentioned that nichola was sick?" uncle lando shakily jumps in, wiping his tears away as he moves closer to jazmyne and elena, the two girls nod their heads, uncle lando going down to his knees to level with the girls as they hug each other as doctor alessi continues

"yeah..." the sisters mumble with head nods, doctor alessi taking over

"...well, jazmyne and elena, because your guys' sister and mum is sick, she has been having to stay here in this hospital like baby lennon had to, to make sure she could get better. however, there is a chance that due to the sickness your sister has, it is doubtful that she's going to wake up again..." doctor alessi pauses again as jazmyne and elena look at each other and then around at everyone else - jazmyne then making eye contact with all of her uncles and aunties whilst elena just looks down to the floor

"...wait, what? why wouldn't nichola wake up? she...she has to... what about baby lennon? what about me and elena? what about noah and logan? what about oscar? she's the closest thing me and elena have to a mum! what's going on..." jazmyne started to panic as uncle lando tries to calm her down by pulling her closer to his body

"...jazmyne, sweetheart, nichola isn't going to wake up, she's going to die..." although everyone else apart from my kids were adults, still hearing doctor alessi say that nichola, the mother/sister of my children was going to die was still hard to hear as jazmyne starts to whimper, lando once again, trying to calm her down

"...nichola's not going to come home, dad?" jazmyne questioned, calling me dad for the first time in years looking towards me, her voice small as that was the moment that all of our hearts broke

"mhm, nichola's not coming home, jazz," i whispered as tears streamed down my cheeks as lando let go of jazmyne allowing her to run over to me

picking her up, the both of us crying whilst elena, noah and logan reacted differently. elena went numb and the two boys latched on to each other but neither cried just yet and lennon, she was having her last few hospital evaluations in the nicu.

present-day | oscar's pov

it was a school day for four of five of my children however, for jazmyne and elena, since they were both in year 11, their school teacher had allowed her students to bring in the parent/parents of the student/students. in a bid to share the occupation of their parent/caregiver as a way to inspire the other year 11 students who were about to start their senior year. and, obviously, although both girls didn't want to also bring cecelia, who was also within the f1/motorsport profession, jazmyne and elena just brought me in. for the obvious reason that cecelia needed to take care of lennon back home, the baby of the family. we were having a discussion in class about something in regard to the work i do as an f1 driver for mclaren racing when one of elena and jazmyne's school friends had questioned about nichola. and why their sister hadn't come since i was the only single 'parent' in the session.

"...jazz, elena, what about oscar's job? he's still in formula one, right? also, where's your guys' sister, nichola?" macie, a best friend of jazmyne and elena questioned as my eyes widened in shock

i sworn i had told macie's mother, marnie, who was also the girls' school teacher not to mention nichola. as recently, both girls, jazmyne and elena, hadn't been coping well so, i was scared at how both girls were going to respond to their friend.

both elena and jazmyne's heads shoot up from their early junior certificate testing that the two sisters had both been working on as i couldn't distinguish how they were both feeling like i could usually do. however, neither girl cried, they didn't scream. they were strong and confident and jazmyne spoke up first and answered without hesitation which shocked me. not because i thought neither daughter could do it, but, because jazmyne answered so straightforwardly. something that adults my age struggle with and, jazmyne and elena have both only just turned seventeen.

"she died two years ago, macie, she never got to leave the hospital. the blood loss she suffered after she had given birth to lennon was too much and, the nurses couldn't control it in time and it was too late. we would've thought that your mum would have told you?" jazmyne spoke softly, elena mumbling a "yeah" whilst looking at macie

the two girls shrugging their shoulders empathetically to macie who looked as though it was the first time she was being told this news from her friends

"oh..." macie responded as marnie interrupted when macie was just about to apologise

"...oh my gosh! i am so sorry jazmyne, elena and mr piastri, class and parents please, continue with whatever it is you were doing..." marnie spoke out loud before moving closer to me, my two daughters and macie and continuing

"...that was so rude of macie to ask you! she knows to not talk about it, most especially during class, jazmyne, elena, girls are you okay?" marnie hushed harshly before calming down and rushing over to my two girls to make sure they were fine, both of them smiling and looking identical to their older sister as they nodded their heads

elena speaking up first this time, "it's okay mrs nelson, i'm fine, jazmyne's fine and so is our dad. i mean, if macie didn't know and wants to know, she has that right. it is okay to ask things like that sometimes as long as it doesn't get too personal and even then, have you met jazz and i's father? but, thank you for asking if we're okay but, seriously, we're totally fine, please, don't baby us!" elena smiled as that shocked the entire class, including jazmyne but, i couldn't hide my smile - both of my girls were definitely nichola and i's girls

and yes, elena and jazmyne were now comfortable enough to refer to me as 'dad' not just around the house but in public as well. of course when it's realised that they are the younger sisters of my deceased wife, it gets kind of messy. but, now that they were older and now that it had been two years since the loss of their sister and were still under my guardianship since they're still under eighteen, they both asked if they could refer to me as dad since their real dad had no affiliation to them anymore. similar with their biological mum, hence why me and nichola adopted them in the first place all those years ago before we had our own biological kids.

getting called out by one of her students definitely was embarrassing for marnie but, she picked herself up and continued, "well, i...i'm still going to make macie apologise, alright girls? asking someone where their sister, brother, mother or father is, is not okay,. and she needs to learn that, even at seventeen, she needs to learn that not every single one of her friends has both parents or family in their lives as she does and she needs to know that and be sensitive towards it," marnie splutters out as jazmyne and elena nod their heads as they go back to the early junior certificate for next year when they are both eighteen alongside macie when marnie pulls me aside

she looked sort of mad that her daughter asked jazmyne and elena about nicola but, to be honest, did marnie even explain it properly or at all to macie as it's been two years since nichola died? or, did she just forget about that bit like it was nothing because macie was too young? and just decided to tell macie that nichola was just going to stay sleeping in a hospital bed for a while? then i notice the face that macie made when her mum said that she knew not to talk about it and how it really looked as if macie legitimately had no clue about nichola's death two years on.

"i am so sorry..." just as marnie was going to splutter out a useless apology on behalf of her very capable seventeen-year-old daughter, i stopped her

"...marnie, just stop for a second. did you seriously tell your daughter at all as to what happened to nichola or did you just expect that as she got older that she'd find out on her own as to why she never came to the funeral to help her best friends say the eulogy that she had helped them write like we agreed she would?" i was stern in my approach as marnie looks at me in shock as if i couldn't raise my voice at anyone on my own without nichola or without crying over it

"wha...what, of course, i did, that's--"

"--no, she didn't oscar," macie's sweet voice came up from behind as i gave the girl a proud smile after she had stood up for herself in front of her mum - also smiling due to being called by my first name which was something i hadn't heard in a while from her since she was always forced by her mum to call me 'mr piastri' which i hated

"she refused to even let me ask about you guys for an entire year before she could even mention nichola because she didn't want to get upset and "cry" over a friend which, i'm sorry mum but, what the actual fuck?" macie was angry as the lunch bell then rang, the other students and parents apart from jazmyne, elena and macie leaving as marnie tried so hard to make what her own daughter was saying to seem like a lie when really, i believed the best friend of my daughter's more than the adult

"really, macie? she never mentioned anything to you about what happened to nichola during lennon's birth? so, the first time you actually hear about it is from jazmyne and elena?" i questioned with my arms crossed over as both my daughters and macie nod their heads as i turn back around to look at marnie who looked as though she had seen a ghost - in which, she bloody damn will in a second and it won't be nichola's happy ghost either!

"yes, i am serious oscar, mum hasn't ever mentioned once why cecelia has now been living with you guys and why nichola hasn't been around when i've stayed over. and why i didn't go to the funeral even though i was supposed to because i wasn't even told that the funeral was for nichola in the first place. even when i helped jazz and elena write the eulogy, they never specified who i was writing it for," macie looked at me with teary eyes as my heart shattered for the teenage girl who i'd actually become closer with since becoming closer to her parents - why would marnie not even tell her daughter about the loss of her best friends' sister?

macie then started to cry, obviously very overwhelmed from the situation earlier and now only just finding out that for the last two years, the mother of her best friends had been deceased and she had no clue the entire time. without hesitation, jazmyne and elena rushed over and pulled their best friend in for a hug whilst marnie just stayed stagnant and did nothing to even try and comfort her child.

comforting their best friend, jazmyne and elena hugged macie tightly, elena speaking up, "aw, macie, it's okay. it's not your fault you didn't know, we should have realised that your mum wasn't telling you and we should have then told you ourselves, we just assumed you knew already," elena whispered as jazmyne nodded her head as they hugged macie as closely as they could as i stopped marnie from coming any closer - truthfully, i don't think macie wanted to even look at her mum ever again, thanking god that it was still lunch break

"no, marnie, stay away. i don't even think macie wants to look at you and i wouldn't blame her if she'd never want to be seen next to you ever again. especially considering how long you kept this news from her. why on earth did you refuse to tell her? she deserved to know about the death of her best friends' sister just as much as my own children did!" i was mad, fuming at what marnie had done to her daughter

"mr piastri, macie's my child, you can't stop me from comforting her..."

"...yes he can, mum. oscar is right, i don't even want to look at you, let alone be seen with you ever again! in all honesty, i don't even want to live with you anymore, i want to live with dad because then that means i'll be right next door to jazmyne and elena and i'll actually be able to be told things straight away and not have to wait years before i'm actually told things that are important like the death of their sister! and i'll actually be taken care of properly because dad actually loves me and he makes it his priority to make sure his children are taken care of, no wonder why he's got full custody of the rest of my siblings. and unlike your lies, this family actually wanted me at nichola's funeral, and so did i, why do you think i helped them write the bloody eulogy they were going to say? you even said i could go and say that eulogy with jazmyne and elena however when the day did come, you left the house without even giving me any knowledge that you were leaving and that it was time to go. like i mentioned earlier, i didn't even know that the funeral was for nichola and that i was helping jazz and nicole say a eulogy for her because you never told me it was her funeral, to begin with. all because you didn't even tell me that she had died. yet, i still waited for two nearly three hours for you to come into my room to tell me if it was time to go or not. however, you never came back until the funeral was over and i had no goddamn idea that it was over and that it was nichola's funeral. what the fuck is wrong with you that you couldn't even tell me something as simple as the information that the sister and mother of my two best friends and their siblings had died. was it because i spent so much time with dad, therefore meaning i spent too much time going next door and spending more time with the piastris than i spent with you?" macie was a strong girl, a very strong girl however, not once until now did we think she was going to be able to stand up to her own mother like that

no one knew how to respond so, no one did. jazmyne, elena and i just smiled at how proud we were of macie for standing up for herself, her friends and her father in the way she did. and, just like we imagined, marnie was shocked, unable to comprehend her daughter and her student because don't forget, marnie was also her school teacher, just exposed her and stood up to her. and, also, just so you know, macie's father, matthew, had won full custody of his daughter not long after this interaction and marnie was not granted any visitations with any of her five children, including macie.

two years ago | lando's pov

the one day that none of us was ready for suddenly jumped up on us. nichola's funeral. due to being jazmyne and elena's uncle due to the fact that i am their sister's best friend, i had the job of making sure my two nieces, jazmyne and elena were okay whilst max and charles took care of noah, logan and baby lennon and cecelia was taking care of oscar. although i was also at my breaking point emotionally, just like oscar was, i had to make sure i stayed strong for my two nieces jazz and elena.

*knock knock* there was a small sounding knock at my bedroom door, knowing it came from jazz and elena, i let them both come in.

"come in you two, what's up my princesses?" i say as my back is facing them as i finish fixing my hair although i knew it would be a crows nest after oscar's finished crying into it at the funeral

"you're the last one ready, uncle lando, we need to leave," elena's hoarse voice rang out as my heart broke and my eyes widened as i turned around to face the two fifteen-year-olds who were dressed in their very best black dresses, their hair is done perfectly by cecelia with some suede black boots

i then questioned why max or charles didn't come up, why did they get jazmyne and elena to come upstairs to tell me?

"oh...oh, thanks elena, why...why didn't they get uncle max or uncle charles to come up and get me?" i ask, patting the bed down for jazmyne and elena to come and sit down next to me for a moment before having to leave

jazmyne then spoke up with a shrug, "we don't know, apparently it was because macie's stupid mum, marnie, our school teacher, had shown up and they were trying to deal with her. and, elena and i were the only two who were free to come upstairs to tell you," jazmyne sighed, with a shrug of her shoulders as elena nodded her head as my eyes widened again, why was marnie here? i mean, macie was supposed to come but, not her mother

"oh, well, has marnie left then?" i ask as both girls shake their heads, elena speaking up this time

"nah, we think she has somehow convinced dad to let her come but only if she stays right at the back and doesn't do anything stupid, she can stay," elena shrugs as a disgusted look shows up on both sisters' faces as i try not to laugh

yeah as a family, we weren't really a fan of macie's mother despite the fact that macie, her siblings and father were the complete opposites, a group of absolute angels

"okay but, we should probably head downstairs now then girls..." just as i went to stand up, jazmyne pulled my hand back down as i gave the two girls worried looks

"...what's wrong jazz and elena? we need to go and say goodbye to your sister and mum," i responded as the two girls just looked up at me with their sad, devastated puppy dog eyes as my heart broke

"we're not ready..." jazmyne responded as the girls looked back at me as i pulled them both in for a hug and we stayed in that hug for a little while before the three of us stood up, me holding jazmyne's hand whilst elena latched hands with jazmyne and we walked downstairs where everyone else who was attending the funeral was waiting

"...aw, girls, i know you're not. trust me, i'm not ready to say a final goodbye to my best friend either so, i can't imagine what it feels like for you two and your brothers having to say your final goodbyes to your sister and mum," i whispered as we then walked downstairs

🥀

i sat down in my seat in the church of the funeral with elena and jazmyne on each side of me, oscar on elena's side and cecelia on jazmyne's as we waited for the next speech. which was one of nichola's siblings and then after that it was jazmyne, elena and macie's turn, macie who was the daughter of marnie and was supposed to be here but, she was nowhere to be seen. macie was the girl who had helped elena and jazmyne write their eulogy for their sister and expressed her interest in wanting to attend today's service. but, it seemed as though macie wasn't aware that it was for nichola since her mum, marnie, was notorious for not telling important things to macie or the rest of her children straight away, usually telling them months or even years later.

one of nichola's sisters had just finished their speech and, whilst it broke hearts, hearing the priest introduce the next speech being spoken by nichola's two younger sisters who she adopted and a family friend, jazmyne, elena and macie, was even more heartbreaking to everyone in the church. and that was because they all knew these three girls as fifteen-year-olds, they were just kids and they were already having to speak about the death of their sister and the mother of their siblings and friends.

and when it did come to jazmyne, elena and macie's turn, macie was still nowhere to be found and it really worried jazmyne and elena but, that was when i realised that marnie had definitely not told macie at all about nichola's death. and just knowing that she didn't tell her daughter but still had the audacity to come to my best friend's funeral infuriated me because she knew her daughter was involved in the funeral but didn't even tell her who it was for and therefore didn't allow her to attend.

"...elena, jazz, what are you girls doing? it's your turn to speak about your sister," i whispered as the two girls whimpered softly, their hands not leaving each other or mine as elena spoke up ever so quietly

"where...where's macie, uncle lando? she's meant to be here with jazmyne and me! she's meant to help us with the eulogy, she was the one who wrote it for us because we couldn't do it ourselves one day at school! but, macie's nowhere to be found but marnie is still here!" elena stuttered out as my heart breaks for my two nieces

i don't know where macie is either but, i have a pretty good assumption that marnie left the house without even letting macie know about it. the fifteen-year-old had probably spent ages getting ready for the funeral and was still waiting for the moment her mum was going to walk into her room and get her, not knowing it wasn't actually going to happen.

"i...i'm not sure girls but, it looks like you two are going to have to go up together, just the two of you. you just need to be brave and do it just the two of you and, if you need, i can come up with you?" i spoke softly, comforting them both as jazmyne and elena nodded their heads, putting their bravest faces on

"okay," jazmyne and elena respond, their bravest faces on as i stand up with them, holding jazmyne's hand whilst elena holds one of jazmyne's fingers as we walk up to the podium, jazmyne and elena holding hands as i stand back a couple of steps behind them

i then notice oscar as well as cecelia who are both smiling towards the two sisters as i just spoke a couple of words before jazmyne and elena's eulogy.

"hello everyone, just before nichola's two younger sisters that she and her husband adopted say their eulogy, i am lando norris. i'm one of the uncles to the piastri children and one of nichola's best friends, just on behalf of the entire piastri family and extended, i just want to say a huge thank you for coming. i know funerals aren't everyone's favourite thing to be doing on a day as pretty as today in monaco but, we have to. it's what nichola would have wanted and, i'm glad we were able to come together in the way we have to celebrate a wonderful woman like nichola. i say this because, she's honestly the perfect woman and sister/mother to her five beautiful children and a wonderful wife to her husband, oscar. so, once again, just a small thank you all for coming and now, i'm going to pass the mic on to nichola and oscar's two oldest daughters, jazmyne and elena to say the eulogy that they had prepared for their sister," i managed to keep it together as i was applauded before i moved back a couple of steps as jazmyne and elena moved up to the microphone, still holding hands to comfort one another

"hi everybody, just like our uncle lando just mentioned, i'm jazmyne amber piastri, the eldest younger sister and adopted daughter of nichola and oscar piastri..."

"...and i'm elena nicole piastri, the second eldest younger sister and adopted daughter of nichola and oscar piastri and although this isn't exactly what me and my sister ever dreamt of doing at such ages of fifteen, having to say goodbye to our sister who stepped up and became our mum, we are however very grateful that we have all of you guys here to help me and jazmyne's family to get through it. so, umm, jazmyne's just going to say a few words in regards to who me and jazmyne's sister was as a person and how amazing she was because, jazmyne doesn't think she personally told her enough and then, i'm going to speak after her with my part of the eulogy..." elena trailed off but was a wonderful speaker, as was jazmyne, exactly like their sister, which is why i think it was so hard for everyone to hear the two girls say a eulogy at their sister's funeral as jazmyne moved forward to the microphone

"originally, me and elena were going to have our best friend from school, macie, to help us since she had actually written this eulogy for us. but, she actually isn't here so, it'll just be me and elena so, here i go," jazmyne paused as she rolled her shoulders back and continued as me and elena smiled at her

"i always loved telling people, as did elena, that our sister/mum was nichola piastri and that our dad was oscar piastri. i loved it because it both confused people and weirded them out when i would explain that my mum is actually my older sister and my dad drives for the mclaren formula one team. so for those who aren't actually aware about the family dynamic, nichola was our older sister and by the time she was old enough to get out of our horrible home situation and got herself a place to live with oscar, she made the decision to legally adopt me and elena. making sure she had all evidence possible so that she had the best chance to adopt us and making sure that there was no way that the judge would be able to give custody back to our biological parents. and because of that, nichola showed oscar just how beautiful of a person she was. and i truly think that's what made him fall that much more in love with our sister. oscar has been in elena and i's lives for so many years now even before he and nichola took us in that it all just blurs into one and no matter what moment in that timeframe i'm talking about, i can't help but smile because it was a happy time in my life because i knew me and elena were safe always. it didn't matter if something went wrong, i knew that if i was with my sister and her boyfriend that we were safe and we weren't being left behind. and then, a couple years after nichola and oscar took elena and i in, they realised that being parents was truly their calling in life so they then had their first baby, the beautiful little noah jack who is exactly like his mummy! and then not long after that they had logan michael and now only recently, baby lennon was born and that completed our special and blended family. however, that...that's not what this whole eulogy is about despite how it might sound like..."

"...i only wanted to mention that because, it was and still is something i'm so proud of because, my whole childhood, i found everything my parents did to be amazingly cool even though dad wasn't home as much as nichola was. nichola was more of a caretaker than the wife of a formula one driver. she loved to take care of people even if she had known the person for less than ten minutes, she'd be coddling them and calling them her child. and this is when macie would come into the eulogy but because she isn't here, it means i have to say it..." jazmyne paused again before she took in a deep breath and continued

"...when i first introduced me and elena's first ever school friend, macie, to nichola and oscar, they were extremely excited because for the last few years before we had met macie, we were doing what was basically homeschool since me and elena were the two older ones that would sometimes join oscar when he'd travel for formula one. so, when we both got to the age of homeschooling becoming a bit lonely, nichola and osc made the collective decision to have me and elena stay in monaco with nichola during the school term and then have elena and i go to the european races during our holidays. this meant that going to an actual school and meeting new people was kind of scary because elena and i only had each other since when we were at physical school, we didn't spend a lot of time there to form proper friendships with the other students our ages. even scarier when it's considered that throughout the whole of monaco and europe, me and my sister were extremely popular as were our unborn brothers because we're the adopted daughters of oscar piastri from formula one, meaning that we were slightly worried that anytime we tried to make friends, we'd only meet kids who'd only want to talk to us because of oscar..."

"...however, it didn't really do that, especially when on the first day of our new school, we met macie nelson, the daughter of our teacher, mrs marnie nelson, who we were going to have for a good few years of our schooling. macie was a sweet, kind, quiet, shy but pocket rocket of a girl. we knew straight away, elena and i, that she was going to be our new best friend, if not our third sister even though we do now have our third sister, our beautiful baby lennon grace piastri,"

"and, going back to the point of nichola being a caretaker, the literal second that elena, myself and macie walked into the house after school, nichola was already calling macie "sweetheart", "babe", "my darling girl", all the things that she called me and elena, her actual sisters. and, i don't think either elena or me could lie and say our hearts didn't flutter in happiness because they really did," jazmyne started to falter as elena gave her a little nudge as jazmyne nodded her head and elena took over

"and now, jazmyne and i knew how oscar felt every time nichola spoke those sweet nicknames to him *coos and awws* macie was already a part of the piastri family and she hadn't even been properly introduced to nichola, oscar who was off from touring for a couple of weeks and noah, our only brother at the time," elena took over and recovered perfectly from jazmyne's falter as she continued

"jazmyne said all of this and i am too because nichola really loved people and she loved being the mum to those whose mum didn't love them as she did. it was her true calling for her to be a mother and jazmyne and i, along with our siblings, are so glad that we had the opportunity to call her our 'mum/sister' for fifteen, eight and seven years on this earth that we've had with her. and, also, nichola, i think you'll be happy when we tell you that macie's dad has finally sorted out that custody battle as macie has now been granted permission to start the move back to her dad's house. so, i think you can stop hovering over mrs nelson and giving her a hard time even though we all know deep down that she deserves it, it really is time to stop. as, legally, macie's dad can take macie from her whenever he feels like he needs too *everyone giggles*..."

"we love you so much nichola, thank you, once again, for being the best mum/sister to jazmyne, myself, noah, logan and lennon, love jazmyne and elena," elena finished her sister's part of the eulogy with so much bravery and poise after her sister faltered that, i don't even think the two girls needed me up here with them for moral support

elena then shakes her head towards the priest, saying that she didn't need to say her part of the eulogy since jazmyne's part basically covered the things she was going to speak about anyway. we then walk off the stage and back to our seats in the front row pew where oscar and cecelia gave jazmyne, elena and me hugs.

"...you two girls did amazing!" cecelia whispered as jazmyne and elena both smiled as i agreed, all of us then sitting down

"we did it for their sister and mum," i smiled as jazmyne and elena nodded their heads in agreement, jazmyne's tears disappearing as we all held hands and hugged as the rest of the service happened

present time | oscar's pov

it was christmas, which means it is the hardest time of the year for jazmyne, elena, the boys and me, especially since nichola's death. jazmyne had just lost her love and excitement for christmas completely last christmas and now this one as well. it broke my heart to see the bright blue sparkles of her eyes be dull on christmas morning when her other siblings, elena, noah, logan and baby lennon were always so excited. except, strangely, this year, the sparkle in her beautiful blue eyes for the first time in two, nearly three years, came back.

"daddio!" jazmyne's mature, seventeen-year-old voice was heard down the hall, calling me her "daddio" like the old days, making my heart flutter as cecelia and i looked at each other in confusion at jazmyne

cecelia and i started dating after being told to by nichola in a letter she had written to me and the family that doctor alessi had given to me after the family had said our final goodbyes on the day nichola passed away. she made me promise that i'd move on and start dating cecelia, making sure that it wasn't forced by grief and that it was organic as her only two rules. and also to make sure i gave jazmyne, elena, noah and logan the chance of having a motherly figure in their life again and for baby lennon to have a motherly figure in her life straight up since she wasn't even a full day old when nichola died.

"yes, my darling?" i responded, slipping on a festive tee shirt as normally, jazmyne wouldn't be this happy on christmas morning and cecelia giggles, rolling back over to sleep again as i roll my eyes

"it's christmas!" she yells out, almost waking up the entire house, cecelia and i hosting the f1 grid christmas this year, as we were all staying in monaco for christmas, all running into cecelia and i's room to make sure that jazmyne was okay

"yes jazmyne, it is christmas, what's got you so happy?" i giggled as she gave me an innocent but still smug-like smile which confused me

my seventeen-year-old, one of, was still a child at heart, exactly like her daddio

"come with me, daddio!" she then said with a snigger as she grabbed my hand as i turned back to cecelia who was fast asleep. how the heck has she been able to sleep through this entire thing?

"o...kay?" i questioned with a small giggle as she giggled as well and we ran down the hall into uncle lando and aunty luisa's room and i was confused

"what are you doing jazmyne? what's gotten into you sweetpea, you haven't been this excited for christmas since nichola died, what's up, are you sure you're okay?" i questioned, giving my eldest daughter a worried look as jazmyne rolls her eyes and giggled

and just as i go to look at her uncle lando for help, he puts his hands up and leaves with luisa - god dammit lando and luisa! why is everyone against me today? it's christmas for christ's sake!

"come on daddio! it's been two, nearly three years since nichola's died and since cecelia started becoming our mother figure and, i don't hate christmas anymore. it doesn't hurt the way it used to now that nichola isn't with us anymore. just, daddio, trust me, i've got it all under control but, before i go, could you please wake up cecelia and gather the entire family downstairs by the tree to do presents as i can't wait any longer!" jazmyne explained as i smiled, i was happy to hear that jazmyne was no longer upset about christmas so, i did as she said and i let to go wake up cecelia

"okay, i trust you're telling the truth and not just saying it because you want to impress everyone and fake it. but, i'll get cecelia and we'll be down in around three or four minutes," i smile, tapping jazmyne's back lightly as she squeals - yep, she's still that same little girl she was years ago even though she's seventeen, nearly eighteen

🥀

the f1 grid and their partners, myself, elena, noah, logan and lennon were now downstairs as we awaited on jazmyne. for some odd reason, she was taking her time but, just as cecelia was going to go up to grab her, jazmyne came bundling down from the staircase as we all looked at each other in confusion. lennon resting in my hold, what is jazmyne doing?

"jazmyne, sweetness, what are you doing?" i giggled, lennon laughing as well as jazmyne grabbed a bag of presents and handed them out to the group, leaving one for cecelia

then, this bombshell that none of us was expecting but was everything we wanted, dropped from her mouth.

"mum, ever since nichola started deteriorating in the hospital after giving birth to lennon, you were there for the entire family and even before that frightful day, you were there for us. and, because it's christmas i thought it was the perfect time to say i really love you a lot and, after talking about it with elena, noah and logan since lennon is still too young to comprehend any of this, we've all decided that we're ready to start calling you our mum..." jazmyne smiled, not once stuttering as we all looked at jazmyne in shock expect for my other kids who clearly knew about this christmas present for cecelia

tears welled in my eyes as lennon smiled and hugged me tighter even though she was only two and didn't really understand much of what was happening. i shared a smile with four of my kids whilst we all had a group hug. kissing them all individually, letting them know that this was a beautiful christmas present for cecelia and how much it meant to both of us, not just her.

"...jazmyne--" cecelia spoke as jazmyne sushed her and everyone laughed as she then continued on

"...mum, you've been there for everything since nichola died and, we just want to ask you this on christmas morning because it's the right time for you to adopt me, elena, noah, logan and lennon and be our mum and marry our dad and become cecelia piastri?" jazmyne asks as cecelia jumps off the couch, pulling jazmyne into her arms as jazmyne giggles softly

"oh, jazmyne, of course, darling! of course, i'll adopt you and the kids!" cecelia calls out as i cover my mouth, feeling the happy tears that welled up fall down my cheeks as i wipe them away before lennon and i ran, joining cecelia, jazmyne, elena, noah and logan in the hug as everyone else cheers

"phew, oh thank god you said yes as uh, i had uncle max and aunty kelly kinda help me with getting all the paperwork..." jazmyne spoke with hunched shoulders and a humourous smile to break up the silence as everyone laughed - of course, she had her uncle max and aunty kelly to help her, who else would have the tools to do so?

"oh jazz, i was always going to look after you guys! that's what i promised your sister the day she died. i promised her that i was going to look after you, daddy and your siblings until my own dying breath," cecelia spoke with her beautiful smile as she kisses jazmyne's cheek, making her giggle as she then kisses the other kids

it was then announced that the other kids could open their presents with their uncles and aunties with them. as cecelia and i had taken jazmyne and elena with us to a different room for their presents that were from the two of us.

"jazmyne, elena, these two are for you, i know they may look like two blank envelopes but, i promise you, it's more than that..." i spoke as the two girls gave cecelia and me weird looks before opening the envelopes

and, let's just say, i never expected this reaction from our two older girls but, we wouldn't have changed their reactions at all.

"wha-wah-wait, hold up, mum, dad, are you guys serious?" elena was the first to speak up as jazmyne just stared down at the envelope

"yeah, we're dead serious elena, it's about time we spoilt our two big kids rather than your brothers and baby sister," cecelia spoke up as jazmyne finally looked up, tears were in her eyes

"you...you're allowing us to move to australia for university? mum? dad?" jazmyne was quiet, as quiet as i'd ever heard her, her voice only slightly rising at the end as i nodded my head, cecelia also nodding her head

"yes, you two are graduating within the coming weeks and you're both going to be turning eighteen within the next few months so, of course, we were going to let you guys move to australia for university. it was actually something nichola left in the letter she wrote for you two," i spoke as jazmyne looked down, starting to cry and i smiled as elena comforted her

"you okay, jazz? is it everything you wanted?" cecelia whispered, bopping down to both girls' height as jazmyne nodded her head

"it...it's all i've ever wanted, mum. to be like nichola and daddio," jazmyne whimpered as she looked up once again and i walked over and lifted her up, her legs latching around my waist as i smile, jazmyne hugging me tighter

"thank you," she whimpered as i squeezed jazmyne whilst cecelia did the same thing to elena

lando, max and charles (and their girlfriends) then joined us and smiled as they all leaned on each other. lando speaking up as i nodded my head.

"so, i guess you told them?" lando spoke up, max and charles leaning against him as they all smiled and leant on each other as i nodded my head

"yeah, we did. it was about time lando, they deserved to know what nichola's final wish for them was before she died. they deserve to go back to australia, where they used to live and for them to study there. they deserve to have the choice to branch away from their sister's degree and their dad's job if that's what they so choose to do," i smiled a bright, happy smile that reached either side of my eyes as lando rubbed my back, also smiling

jazmyne and i hugged a little longer before i placed her down as she then hugged cecelia and elena hugged me before we then decided to continue with the rest of the presents that everyone else got the kids.

a gazillion presents later and i still think the one that really got to jazmyne was the present from mum and me for her and elena and then the car that uncle lando and aunty lusia had gotten them both.

well, now this was the moment i knew that it was the right time to propose and marry cecelia, the love of my life and make her mrs piastri as well as the legal mother of our five kids, having our two eldest move to australia for university. this christmas couldn't have gone any better than it already had. a christmas miracle is what happened this year and, i think this instagram post proved it.

liked by oscarpiastri, elenapiastri, cecelialambert, landonorris, maxverstappen1, charlesleclerc, luisinhaoliveira99, kellypiquet, alexandrasaintmleux, macienelson and 45k others

jazmynepiastri merry chrysler everybody 🤍

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oscarpiastri merry christmas my dear. glad this christmas was better for you than the last 🤍

jazmynepiastri oscarpiastri thank you daddio and, this christmas was far better than last christmas that's for sure 🤍

elenapiastri merry christmas jazzy 🤍

jazmynepiastri elenapiastri merry christmas el🤍

cecelialambert merry christmas babe 🤍

jazmynepiastri cecelialambert merry christmas mum 🤍

landonorris yes, luisa and i did give you and elena a merry chrysler! merry christmas jazmyne 🤍

jazmynepiastri landonorris yes, you did give elena and me a merry chrysler. merry christmas uncle lando🤍

maxverstappen1 merry christmas jazmyne. these photos are all gorgeous but that photo of little two-year-old lennon is just the sweetest thing, she's gotten so big 🤍

jazmynepiastri maxverstappen1 merry christmas uncle max. and thank you, i do love these photos and, i know, lennon has gotten so big, it's crazy at this point 🤍

charlesleclerc merry christmas jazmyne. makes us so very happy that this christmas was so much better than last christmas 🤍

jazmynepiastri charlesleclerc merry christmas uncle charles. and it makes me happy as well, this christmas was by far the best one yet 🤍

luisinhaoliveira99 merry christmas jazmyne. and i'm glad you and elena loved the chrysler uncle lando and i bought for you two 🤍

jazmynepiastri luisinhaoliveira99 merry christmas aunty luisa. and thank you so much to you and uncle lando for buying it for us, you didn't need to do that at all! we love her so much 🤍

kellypiquet merry christmas jazmyne. glad to see you smiling and happy in this year's photos 🤍

jazmynepiastri kellypiquet merry christmas aunty kelly. and thank you, i'm glad to see me smiling and enjoying christmas as well 🤍

alexandrasaintmleux merry chrysler to you too, jazmyne 🤍

jazmynepiastri alexandrasaintmleux aunty alex, please, never say merry chrysler ever again! but merry christmas aunty alex 🤍

macienelson merry christmas jazmyne! this christmas was so much better than any other christmas i've certainly had since childhood 🤍

jazmynepiastri macienelson merry christmas macie! and i agree, this christmas has topped every other christmas for me too 🤍

landooonorrriiss omg, seeing you smile and so happy in this year's christmas photos makes me tear up because i remember last year and how sad you looked in the photos that you and shane posted 🤍

jazmynepiastri landooonorrriiss awe, thank you so much, babe! and, honestly, it made me tear up as well after dad showed me the photos afterwards and i realised how happy i had actually been the whole day. and i remember how sad i was last christmas well and it breaks my heart too 🤍

fin

this was a fun one to rewrite! sorry that it wasn't really f1-y but it was kind of hard to do that due to how depresso espresso it was lol. but anyway, hopefully i'll get some original ideas soon and have the talent to start on my recent request i was given!

#formula one #oscar piastri #angst but happy ending #mentions of death during childbirth #if any of these topics trigger you please do not read because it is not my fault if these triggers and warnings are ignored

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