#only because it took us three days
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did anyone order more league self inserts?
#league of legends#league of legends oc#league of legends fanart#oc insert#oc gemini#oc seong#oc rosa#oc vincent#oc lol#i guess that one exists now...?#🔪#nice#only because it took us three days
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#BRUHHHHHH I NEED ANOTHER TEASER I BEG YOU RIOT#ITS BEEN THREE YEARS I CANT WAIT TO USE NEW CONTENT FOR GIFS LMAO#personal tag#dont look at me im just here to complain about content drought lmao its really not good in fostering a healthy fandom ngl#because ppl will just hyperfixate and consume media for like a month and then the fandom goes poof right after lol#i miss all the people scrutinizing media every week i miss all the essays pumping out when content arrives#these days its just.... nothing lmao i only really still have arcane in my mind because of fanfiction and a lot of fics have been inactive#ik we're getting new stuff in a few months#and ik we're not in canceled shows hell but like#i really hope that if theres season 3 we're gonna get it a bit more regularly#i really miss it when content was like weekly or every 2 weeks because ppl and the fandom are wayyyy more active during those times#binge culture and netflix sort of changed it lol#i miss it when fandoms were huge!!! i miss it when it was so CHAOTIC lmaooooooooo#I MISS WAITING FOR LONG ASS HOURS WAITING FOR CONTENT TO RELEASE EVERY WEEK!!!! I MISS IT!!!! that was like what 12 years ago LOL#I KNOW arcane is special with their 3 year drought because it takes time to make arcane#but like..... idk man i miss content lmao#iirc they took too long to make s2 bc they have no idea if s1 would be even renewed#so i hope s3 will be a bit more regular now#anyways im gonna go bye bye
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Jesus fucking christ read The Lady's Handbook For Her Mysterious Illness
#she really just came out and said the driving reason why we bother to see doctors at all these days#we're getting by on microdosing 'being heard' and people tell us to be grateful to have even that#but is it really 'being heard' if what theyre sharing is one off lines. one per doctor for us to look back on and feel real?#one from our previous doctor. one from a passing female nurse. one from the cardiac nurse. one from our physio#a lot of the time the things we latch on to to 'feel heard' arent even real acknowledgements#just a lack of opposition#which is what we normally face#we latched onto our new doctor so hard because in our first (and only - so far) appointment with her#she acknowledged our pain and suffering and difficulties - from both our illnesses and our lack of treatment - three times#thats all it took for us to switch to a new more expensive doctor that we cant actually afford to see regularly#compared to the doctor we could afford to see regularly (who was so booked out we saw him once every three months - if that)#shes the first doctor we've ever been excited to actually go back to. the first doctor we've been genuinely wholeheartedly excited to see#three acknowledgements on the first appointment. thats all it took. thats all we needed to have hope in a doctor again#we actually feel like we would get regular acknowledgements from her. not just the singular one to look back on out of years of appointments#trying not to get our hopes up because we've been crushed before but its hard
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.
#i dunno man#everytime i read some new thing about covid and long covid#i just feel like im losing my marbles#im the only one still masking it feels like#nobody at my drs offices wear them even the soecialists#my therapist acts like this is an irrational fear of mine#so i dont talk about it as much#shes happy im not isolating myself. and not full of crippling guilt when i do go out#which is good#i agree with her on that#but. ive been numbering my bags with my n95s since i rewear them a few times#ive been using n95s since i took this job. three years in october#which is wild the longest ive worked in one place is just over a year--all seasonal work or short internships. not because i leave#or get fired/laid off#but im getting down to the end of the alphabet#i dont know what ill do when i do#literally as far as labels but also like. its a lot you know?#im debating trying new mask styles. i wanted to ages ago but hoped. i wouldnt need to wear them for much longer#now it feels like i always will.#so. second best time to plant a tree and all.#i want to get out and make friends and do fun stuff. but it's so fuckibg hard and scary#how can i make friends when i cant relax in small indoor spaces#when i. cant eat out at restaurants (due to food issues and masking)#when inviting people to my house makes me anxious for days#how can i make friends under those circumstances?#im so lonely. and so envious#of my friends who do stuff and gave partners. i want that for me but i cant have it. before it was because i moved. ecery 3-6 months#now its this. is it realky any wonder that i nearly cried reading that fic the other day#when Etho took off his mask. and it was treated so fucking kindly and like the trust geasture it was? that it would be. for me?#maybe trust is the wrong word. i dont know. comfort? feeling safe in a space with someone who respects me and my health?
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HAPPY ANNIVERSARY to the day my brain was literally rewired and my gender was being changed by the second SO HERES A GAS STATION SPECIAL before this joint was even a gas station in the FIRST PLACE !!!!
FUCKING FREAK
#kommento#// theres a whole love letter in here dont open these tags it's a readmore equivalent#p4#⛽️🌫#moel gas station attendant#tohru adachi#boot.tingting#arttag#// sneak peak before the manager became a manager and only put the uniform on to see how well it would fit and hasnt taken it off since.#// im tearing up because i hate how it's been three years and also i cant find the other notebook so i went through gphotos instead#// also that i miss blorbo so much i miss my old self so much she was so sweet and genuine and the passion and love and everything#// STUPID SEQUENCE OF PHOTOS the way my brain was so fucking rearranged i had to get up and make memes and take screenshots and then#// draw then COME BACK AGAIN to watch the thing that changed my life forever. AGAIN#// sorry was having technical difficluties in yokohama im back istok im normal (affirmation )#// this is literally all me before i started thinking about myself and wondering about my gender then the dysphoria came rushing in like#// some freshwater spring about to make a waterfall and i had to let it settle and get used to the ecosystem with two more years#// took a month where p4gsteam was booted up and i made my own save at some point and finished it on july 8#// clasped my hands and had a honeymoon period over. mimi <3 then the day after rolled around and i watched the .chair car adventure#// literally my first p4 doodles were mimi and adachi theres no fucking denying it theyre the og. theyve been with me from the start#// theyre so important to me theyre so personal they made me who i am thats why im so mad with the community i have to share them with#// because theyre all so different from me and i took that personally#// IT'S KOKAY !! look at how far ive gone. this is the biggest archival effort ive ever done my entire life ive grown branches#// farther than ive done before ive put such a variety of skills to use just to make myself food and manage this damn station#// and keep some sort of love alive which was all from me and is still from ME !!!#// crying while writing these tags now sorry okyakusan i'll clean it up soon#// these doodles really explaining my mindset from the start and how the grindset has never really changed at all#// it was all friendship for three years and still will be i love adachi i love gas station attendant so much THERE I'M SAYING IT#// cherry on top friend just dm'd me to get an actual job at a gas station IM SHITTING MYSELF#// happy anniversary to my genderest best friend and the most problematic uncle ive ever had#// we're all holding hands and theyre treating me to topsicles because it's all i could ever shamelessly want
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Now that I know Rook will be able to handle both weapon sub-classes, I have such a hard time resisting going Rogue... Damnit.
#Rogues are one of the coolest classes in dragon age series#Tbh rogues are the only class i loved playing across all three games#Rogues especially dd ones were great in dao#Rogue Archers in dao are shit in close quarters battle but are lethal at distance it just sucked warden had no dodging moves just running#In da2 rogues are my favorite class for hawke just because how fast and lethal they are with both bow and dd#Rogues in inquisition also were very fun to play even if i preferred dd over archers#So i am tempted to go rogue just because of rook's ability to use both weapon sub classes#And also because i hardly enjoyed playing mages#Tbh the only fun mages to play were dao ones just because of how versatile skill system was#Spirit mage wardens with aw and battlemage specs were my ultimate fave#Also blood mages were too op in dao though i never tried one#Shapeshifters and spirit healers were op in their own rights#Da2 and inquisition mages were nerfed hardly#At least in da2 you could beat people with your staff and they took that out from dai#Dai mages were extremely basic from my playing experience though i had heard nice things about ke mages#Well for me dao had the most interesting choices in class and i enjoyed all of them#Da2 only loves rogues and kinda enjoyed mages#In dai loved warriors and maybe dd rogues#So i have track record of ignoring mage class#Well maybe i should go mage in veilguard but rogue is very very tempting
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my brother got banned on Roblox for saying "you should die" and other such things
#I couldn't stop laughing when I found out#Obviously it's not funny but he's like 7 and he said like three other things in that vein#I can't remember exactly what but he clearly used speech to text because the sentence made little sense#Like “you died yourself and now you're gone”#it was his first offense so he only got banned for three days#when our parents found out they took his ipad
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tfw you have ideas in your noggin but can't properly convey them
ignore the yellowish doodles as it was just kinda brainstorming but the "fractures" thing and loose concept of the more concrete version is kinda what i really wanted to get out
exploring ideas on like, ig how to interpret God (for HH purposes)? dunno my brain kept thinking of The Stranger from Slay The Princess.
in a way of, i cant think of one idea of how to interpret them so fuck it its all of them
also kinda had the thought process of, well i still see them as a void being and its kinda funny imagining that if side b is forced to obey the whole equilibrium between "good" and "bad", then would be funny if God had to in a way as well but creates other beings (the angels) to do it for them so it just casually bypasses that
which is also really funny since the concept of good and bad likely came from them in the first place since its not like the void literally had anything like that beforehand
idk loose random brain rot brainstorming imma probably not come back to this concept again
#ukureticence#ichor's blessing#random character concept#i needed to get it out of my noggin before it drove me insane#couldnt draw it even remotely how i imagined it really but uhhh i got the base idea of it out there#i dont have the energy or patience to do research for an actually good concept for how God (for Hazbin Hotel) would look like#so i kinda just use other people's things of them#and like#most things i do are self inserting into other universes or something#then i had the thought of#what if#i literally just took all those ideas that i adore and mash em into something im happy with#so boom we kinda did it#ish#i had like 5 interpretations of god in mind since i think i only really know four now im thinking about it.#i legit can only remember the name of the creator of three right now#which is hunterkhean - astralpunkass and of course folieradis#again im not expecting this topic revisited i just wanted to get the brain rot out#because it feels like i have to make concepts of the archangels if i do and my head will literally implode if i try#i design stuff i dont do lore or research just random loose concepts#even then i like hunterkhean's and ladi's designs/interpretations too much to really even want to make my own tbh#i mash things together in my head and call it a day which accidentally makes one massive collab except nobody knows they're collabing#since its all in my head#okay im done brain rotting#a cone's musing
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well this is what ive been doing for the past 2 weeks
#sorry for using chrome. drive sucks on firefox. i use firefox for everything else. literally it's open right next to this for other shit#so what im doing is making a list of every creature you ever encounter in dai (that part is complete. it took a week)#and making note of its important stats and now its chance of each elemental immunity with the walk softly trial on#because i am genuinely planning that solo nightmare all trials run and the most important thing is making sure i can actually hit everythin#you will notice that NOTHING is EVER immune to spirit damage. that is due to a bug that i personally discovered in the trial implementation#the only creatures that can gain immunity to spirit through the trial are cretahl and hurlock alphas (only the ones in the descent)#and the only creatures naturally immune to spirit are in dlc (mostly trespasser but some in the other dlc too)#so basically what this means is that you NEED spirit runes lmao. or i guess runes to damage specific types of enemy#the least likely immunity of the three core elements is electric which is good because chain lightning is VERY powerful for solo runs#you've just gotta be mindful of hitting yourself because friendly fire WILL be on for this run fml#oh so those percentages arent technically correct. they're inflated for most creatures#for normal-ranked creatures (rank 0) there's a 20% chance they'll be promoted to elite (rank 1) and then all elites--#(whether promoted to elite or already elite) have that chance of immunity. so you can divide them by 5 for normal-ranked creatures#except for the 100% ones. those are from preexisting immunities#yes im putting way too much thought into all of this. i went into the all trials and the solo nightmare runs without doing too much work#it's just that on nightmare you get FULL immunities and with no companions you've gotta make sure you can deal with that#because you might end up in a situation where you just cant damage something AT ALL#(a good reason to diversify your abilities. also you CAN damage them it's just capped at 1 damage per hit)#and no abilities that decrease resistances help because an immunity is +1000% resistance and nothing comes close to getting that under 100#im having fun at least. i wouldnt keep doing this if it was too boring#some of it has been tedious (especially going through some of the areas with dozens of the same enemy) but ultimately feels worth it#the spreadsheet has 5678 lines ftr. fortunately around 2.5k are npcs so i dont have to do anything more with them#anyway. i usually post about what da-related thing im up to every now and then and it's been ages so i thought id give an update lmao#personal#da#dai#undescribed#there are also a lot of interesting things like. you'll see that poison spiders CANT be immune to nature damage#and that's because it wont apply an immunity if the creature is already immune to that element OR its associated effect#so poison spiders arent immune to nature damage but they ARE immune to poison so they wont gain nature immunity from the trial
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things i learned today:
my stepdad doesn't like the word obituary. why? well i can't be 100% certain because i asked no follow-up questions, but based on the way he relayed this information ("i don't like to use the word [lowers voice] oBITCHuary") i have a pretty good idea.
"we have to google meet" (as in, call each other on the Google Meet app) and "we have to google 'meat'" sound identical and i will interpret it as the latter regardless of how little sense that makes in context.
some drinking glasses have a little divot at the top of the handle into which my thumb fits perfectly!!!!!!!!
apparently when you find yourself at a branch of the library that's closing in three days for renovations, you should go ahead and check out all 11 books you have an eye on, because the computer will give you a due date SEVEN MONTHS INTO THE FUTURE. even though you could return the books at any other branch! jackpot.
#besties i am soooo sleep-deprived and i tell you when she said 'we have to google meet' to me...#i was like oh yeah makes sense. because you have anemia. and she was like what. and i was like wait googling 'meat' wouldn't help#with anemia...like you already know you should eat meat...you already know what foods meat is in...okay so why are we googling 'meat'?#fully trusting her to have a totally rational reason for announcing to me that we should google 'meat' while dropping me off @ the bus stop#fully prepared to support her in this random endeavor of mysterious utility#but she showed me her phone with the google meet icon and was like 'no i'm calling my girlfriend when you get out of the car'#and then we laughed hysterically for like three straight minutes. one of those days besties <3#fun with words#libraries#my posts#no but the library thing is so funny. these weren't even holds i just started running low on library books so i took myself to a branch#only to see all these signs like 'closing in three days!' which i had no idea was happening because it's not my usual branch#so i was like okay whatever. good thing i didn't try to come three days from now i guess!#then i checked out and it was like due date: october 1 2023. they're like please temporarily store these books for us while we renovate 🥺#we don't have room for them 🥺because of construction 😫 will you pretty please give them a good home for all of the spring and summer 🙏#like a of all don't mind if i do and secondly that's so fucking funny what the fuck. you guys know about other branches right#like you're aware i can put these books in any book return in the county? yeah? alright haha take it easy
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sometimes when I think about how my roommates treated me when I had COVID I get so angry I lose speech
#first context: we are all honors students. none of us want to miss any classes. all of us are busy and don’t have much free time.#second context: I was masking scrupulously. they never wore masks anywhere. I took every precaution possible not to get sick#but in September I did get sick. really sick. symptoms started on the weekend and by Monday I was feverish and loopy with exhaustion#I took rapid tests three times. the third time was at the doctor on Tuesday. I was so out of it my friend had to drive me to my appointment#only the third one was positive. but I was responsible and immediately told everyone I’d been in contact with.#my roommates response was ‘stay in your room. don’t leave. don’t get us sick.’#I took them literally. I was sick. I only left my room to use the bathroom.#I ate four times in four days. on the fourth day I asked my roommates for the first time to make me food#suddenly I could leave my room because they were too busy with homework to bother putting something in the oven#they wouldn’t buy me groceries. I had to ask the friend who’d taken me to the doctor to buy them.#they never asked if I was okay or if I needed anything. it was as if I became invisible the second my door was shut.
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I finally set my last notebook to rest, so it’s time for a new one (Patreon)
#Doodles#It took a long time! Having three concurrent notebooks at a time will do that#I'm used to only having two at a time but I think three is going to become my new regular#One for sketches - studies and random concepts and scribbly comics to be cleaned up in SAI at a later time#One for more finished paper art - not necessarily Fancy but lineless y'know lol a bit more proper as far as I'm concerned#And then a true free for all lol anything allowed! Basically a stream-of-consciousness captured to page#For now I've got the latter two covered I'm currently vetting the slightly-more-focused lined notebook#It was from a bit ago and I was being silly at the time haha but the first one is from a new brand I'm testing out#It feels good! It's grippy but not in a scratchy way and it accepts graphite and pigment well#I haven't tested pen bleed yet tho that'll be next on my list#The second is an old standby - not my favourite but one that is very easy to acquire and I know what to expect of it#It's also the same as my free-for-all notebook but that's really neither here nor there lol - I'm not likely to mix them up#The only thing I've really noticed so far is the new brand takes a bit more cleaning because its margin line bleeds a bit more than normal#It's not bad but I can see it getting annoying - pros and cons#The second two are just normal sona thoughts#I miss my spider. I've looked out at where I buried them every day since but it feels more manageable#It feels more approachable like I'll be able to talk about it with the sellers when we're able to go to see them#I do hope they don't think less of me for it...#And then the last haha - my Vargas immunity is currently basically zero so any outside mention of them is overwhelming#I got about three lines into a fic and had to stop lol - I still really want to read it! I just don't trust my brain with it right now#As if I still don't think about them all the time lol ♪#Plus now I have my hammock again (♥!!!!) so I've got my reading spot back!#Reading never felt so good <3 <3
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okay I've decided against pursuing any sort of diagnosis re: my growing suspicions I have ADHD/something of that ilk for a variety of reasons, but it will NEVER stop galling me how I lack object permanence. like a baby. I need to have clear storage containers because if I cannot see something I forget it exists. it's both a relief to know that there is a potential "explanation" for such behavior but also realizing that most other people can do convenient things (like: remembering the existence of stuff) is also FRUSTRATINGGGG because I wish that was me! imagine being able to remember things not only casually but well! imagine that! god!
#it's also frustrating because it can bleed into interpersonal relationships and depending on people's friendship styles it can have a...#large impact. like back in high school my best friend would regularly be hurt by me not remembering things#(ranging from stories she'd tell me to stories I'd already told her to people's names to pieces of information I'd been made aware of)#and I took it personally at that age and sort of took it as:#''I am an inherently selfish person who can't remember things about other people and I am Bad''#and while that friendship grew apart and she sort of resigned herself (eventually) to me being the way that I was#I guess I never really let go of my guilt around it... and even now I still feel Very Bad about not remembering things#and I've often thought to myself of how I could mitigate it to be a better friend#but I short of ''keeping notes on your friends and the stories they tell you which you will need to reference often''#I've not had much luck in cracking that#I feel like as I've grown older I've found friends who (for whatever reason) don't take my ''poor memory'' personally#[and hilariously I've seemed to befriend people with FREAKISHLY GOOD memories who more than make up for my own]#and that's been... a bit better because it's been many years since I've had a friend make me feel bad for not remembering something#and in fact I have friends now who HAVE diagnosed ADHD who (obviously) Get It#but back of my head I still think that I do the people around me a disservice by not frequently/accurately committing things to memory#I think it makes me a worse friend and a worse employee for that matter#and I do in fact wish there was a magic pill that would grant me that ability and that ability only. it feels like it would change my LIFE.#anyways this tag essay is brought to you by:#me looking for my concert earplugs (which I have never used despite buying them FOR three concerts I went to last year since I kept...#say it with me... forgetting about them the day of the concert!) and finding a stash of two different battery types I had no idea I owned#anyways. earplugs are going into my car so I will have them on me#and batteries have been moved to the clear container in my closet with the other batteries. sigh.
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Well that was the roughest work shift of my life. Y'all should send in fluffy stuff to my inbox, I need some positivity 😔
#highlights of the shift:#the entire studio being on a waitlist with over fifteen names on it (aka three hours)#and all five of us having to RUN#because some jackass was calling to get our cars towed#then me and a coworker having a panic attack thirty minutes later#someone yelling at me#my coworker dropping glass and just breaking down while looking at it#my shift being four hours longer than normal and getting to do the same the next day#having to repark my car only to have a car BLOCKING MY WAY#having to yell at the landlord for my coworker#all of us going delirious over milkshakes and giggling over anything because we we're so out of it#three of us sitting behind the counter to hide from customers#me about to throw hands at someone#finishing yhe shift only for us to realize we had to do something which took an extra thirty minutes#and us just....crying#the unison hug was a banger tho#i forgot how great hugs are 💀#anyway i have a headache#code red
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i spent so much time on the bus today i read 100 pages of the novel i started this morning on the bus
#on the bus#rorygilmorecore#like an hour this morning and an hour and ten minutes this afternoon and it feels crazy to me because i hadn't had to do this in a very#long time. these last three years i took the tram i would walk for 15 minutes because i liked walking and then it was only 15-20 minutes#on the tram sometimes more when it was like 6 at the end of the day and everyone was going home at the same time but yeah 50 minutes on the#worst days. and before that i had a 10-15 minute bus ride for a year and then i lived right in front of the building i had my classes in#for 2 years (i've spent 1000 years studying post-high school already...lmao and i said 2 years but that second year actually doesn't count#because it was 2020-2021 and we didn't have classes in person from like november to may so...but i had my student housing right in front#of the building for that year too i just didn't go to that building a lot)#so yeah i wasn't used to it at all anymore even in high school it was different because i took a bus for like 25-30 minutes and then a tram#so i had to get off the bus wait get on the tram etc. this time it's all in one bus which is better in some ways but it's also very tiring#because it's uncomfortable#but hey by the end of the week i will have read this book only on the bus that's an achievement#it is nice in a way because i wouldn't have as much time to read if i didn't spend that much time on the bus. but i didn't spend that much#time on the bus i would have more time to read#i'm reading mary anne by daphne du maurier and yes obviously i chose this one because it's almost my name#and like i say: brf slt
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“I’m not as young as I used to be” <- only took 48hrs without sleep for me to start having auditory hallucinations
#emma posts#it used to take a week#but I’ve had to make sure I get more sleep ever since I got epilepsy#was like ‘why did my pillow just sing?’#then ‘damn. sleep deprivation is really hitting different now’#it was probably a bit over 48hrs but not three days#also had what may or may not have been localized seizures. but I only ever experienced that in the hospital#and those would normally spread#had to cancel something this morning because it was getting concerning#and took a nap that hit hard
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