#only if they had focused more on the parenting and hatred theme

[slocumjoe]

Biggest complaints about each companion

Warning, reference to in-game dark subject matter.

This is subjective and mostly me wishing for a more thoughtful story, with themes beyond robot racism.

Cait: TDLR; Her backstory is too much for how it's handled

It feels like Cait got thrown every bad thing she could have. With trauma in characters, less is more, and in Cait's case, it doesn't help that her writing is more interested in her trauma than who she is as a person. Like Cait only matters as a character because of what she went through and what that demonstrates about the wasteland, rather being a person first.

I would like to point out, her parents waited until she was 18 to sell her. Because, apparently, age of consent matters to sex slavers. It demonstrates a lack of commitment to the dark topic, which usually means you should tone it down. Leave one aspect, and keep the other. Abusive parents or slavery, not both.

Since Cait is our only basegame raider companion, you could use her to humanize raiders by showing how the cycle of trauma creates them. "But Gage—" is a little bitch.

Codsworth: TDLR; Focuses too much on his pre-war relationship to the player

What was Codsworth doing those 200 years? Did he just hang out in Sanctuary? Did no one ever come to Sanctuary in the meantime? Codsworth has no relation to the plot or world beyond Sole.

I think Codsworth should have had a quest about how he went out and tried to help where he could, but now doesn't know where those people are, and wants to know what became of them. Something to give Codsworth a connection to the wasteland. Or maybe Codsworth shouldn't have been the Sole Surivor's robot at all, just one that wandered into Sanctuary and met them. Then you could have a point that the first human the Sole saw after freezing (Kellogg) was cruel, but the first 'soulless' machine was kind, which makes a point about the main plot and the idea that being human doesn't make you 'human.'

Curie: TDLR; Should have been related directly to the main plot

Curie is a robot that is put inside a synth—which is, biologically, completely human in all but a chip in their head and the circumstances of their creation—and is totally fine. She learns to breathe, gets thoughts and feelings in a way a Ms. Nanny wouldn't, and handles sensations without bricking.

Send this bitch to the Institute and BOS, are you kidding me? Curie is walking proof of synths being more than machines. She has wants, imagination, potentially even dreams and nightmares. This is never brought up by anyone.

Also, Curie is a robot, and then inhuman, but still a person, and she uses science and her compassion to help the wasteland, where those who would destroy or enslave her use it to further their own egos.

Danse: TDLR; MAKE HIM SAY SORRY TO NICK AND HANCOCK

Danse's real character arc starts at his final affinity post BB, and then it doesn't go anywhere. He never learns to accept himself, or synths, or ghouls. Danse is a character that shows the terrible function of 4 Affinity Talks, because he needs, like, 10 of the things.

Danse needed his likes/dislikes updated after BB, interactions with Nick and Hancock, and a proper character arc where he unlearns his worst traits and the BOS's bullshit.

Deacon: TDLR; Dead wife? Really?

Can Deacon not just be a goofball man who used to be a bigot, and now works hard to help the people he hurt? Because Barbara and her death implies that Deacon didn't change because it was the right thing to do, but because bigotry personally affected him.

If there must be a death, make it that his community tore itself apart trying to find synths among them. Y'know, like...a witch hunt? In Salem, maybe? Since we didn't do anything interesting with Salem, one of the most interesting places in the USA? Deacon sees this and sees that it doesn't matter if synths are human or not, hatred will inevitably hurt anyone, because it doesn't actually care who you are. Hatred doesn't need a reason, only a target. The Synth plot should have been an allegory for McCarthyism instead of slavery, change my mind.

Hancock: TDLR; He's a historical LARPER that doesn't do anything in terms of a narrative.

No, Todd. You can't make John Hancock a ghoul and call it an OC.

Hancock could have had a story about identity crisis, idolatry, and trying to escape your past. We also get hints at a complex political issue in Goodneighbor about the push-and-pull between the desire for total freedom/anarchy, but the need for some kind of law and order. Hancock has a casual friendliness, and acts like 'one of the people,' but he is the mayor. There's tension there. Can your leader be your friend? Can your friend call all the shots while still being on equal footing with you? Can you lead a group of people who look up to you as a hero, and still retain modesty and not subconsciously separate yourself?

I like Hancock, he's fun, he has a lot of interesting narrative stuff. But he doesn't do anything with it. It could have been a nice parallel with Elder Maxson, too.

MacCready: TDLR; Small inconsistencies + dude, go get your son???

Mac doesn't ever go back to Duncan, and Duncan never comes to the Commonwealth. I understand that the former is for game play reasons, but the latter feels like the writers forgot that Duncan exists.

MacCready has some issues with the likes/dislikes. I think they're mistakes instead of intended, but still. For example, in the Vault 81 quest. MacCready likes letting Austin die. He dislikes it if you give the cure.

There's also Sheffield, the soda addict in Diamond City. MacCready claims to have never seen someone with a sugar addiction, but Zip, from Little Lamplight, had an addiction.

Mac is mostly fine, aside from these inconsistencies. The Dead Wife thing sucks, but I allow it because it's pretty fundamental to his story, rather then being tacked on for sad points.

Nick: TDLR; Eddie Winter is a stupid bad guy with a stupid quest and Jenny Lands is a stupid tragic backstory

Eddie Winter being the first ghoul ever is mind-bogglingly bad. You're telling me that they made ghouls before the bombs? And even if they did, Winter couldn't be the first. How the fuck would anyone know that radiation makes you immortal if you do it right, otherwise?! So, that's a contradiction within an already contrived premise. And not only that, but he just. Leaves a bunch of holotapes with a number on the back, that make a code to the basement of his favorite sandwich shop, which just so happens to be on the same street Jenny gets fridged?

So, Eddie Winter (or one of his goons) was eating one day, looked out, saw the fiance of the detective hunting him and recognized her (????), shot her, and then presumably returned to his fucking sandwich??????

And then 2 centuries later, a clone of that detective somehow finds the holotapes, untouched, unmoved, still functioning and retaining the painted-on numbers. The numbers didn't...fade? Wipe off?

You can keep the concept of Nick wanted to finish something Pre-war Nick didn't get to, but this...this isn't it.

Like, Skinny Malone was right there. Maybe just Darla shows up when you free Nick, and then later Nick has to contend with Malone and the Triggermen in some grand conspiracy with Mayor MacDonough, Hancock, and Piper.

Preston: TDLR; The radiant quest mechanic fucked him over and his voice actor needed some retakes

The moment you get Radio Freedom, Preston should have stopped giving quests. Easy fix there. It would have saved him almost a decade of shitty memes.

The real problem with Preston is that his VA beefed it bad. I can quote some of his lines with perfect inflection because the VA just did it so poorly. X6-88's VA had to play a monotonous, little-emotion character, and he still nailed it and gave X6 a lot of personality and distinction. Preston sounds like a modded-in character. And Jon Gentry is a pretty good actor! He has a great live-action presence in his demo reels on IMDB. I think he just struggled to put his performance into his voice rather than his presence/body language, and they didn't let/have him do a retake.

Piper: TDLR; So much potential, so much failure. Piper is a shitty reporter, and that could have been a great opportunity to have commentary on the ethics of journalism.

Journalism is supposed to be a duty to the people. It has responsibilities and ethics that are very easily misunderstood or forgotten for the sake of the next article. A good journalist is not always accurate. An accurate journalist is not always kind. A kind journalist is not always good.

Piper is not a good journalist, because her writing is not informative, it isn't news or useful info. She writes about MacDonough being a synth—she's basically writing callout posts on her blog.

Piper is not an accurate journalist, because she never has evidence for this claim. She says MacDonough is a synth, that the Institute took the Survivor's baby even if the Survivor says no.

Piper is not a kind journalist, because she fearmongers and makes things worse for synths. She complains that no one believes or trusts her word, but the second thing you ever see in Diamond City is a man trying to kill his brother for fear he's been replaced.

This is all fine, if addressed and explored. But it isn't. Piper seems to be chasing the high of exposing authority, and both times, she's right. We, the player, know she's right because we find out later she is. Imagine if we didn't. Imagine that reveal scene never comes. Every issue of Publick Occurances is trying to start a witchhunt, and Piper doesn't notice that it's working.

So, let's make her arc about worrying about her sister.

X6-88: TDLR; BRUH HE HAS NOTHING

No backstory, no relationships with other characters, no quest, no character arc.

TODD. You had the chance to humanize the Institute, or at least show what it's like being an Institute synth that isn't free. And you, instead, put all that time into fucking KELLOGG. You think I give a fuck about KELLOGG? I don't even give a fuck about SHAUN.

🌠Honorable mentions🌠

Gage: Hypocrite that thinks becoming the problem is fixing the problem, also he has both eyes. What do you need an eyepatch for.

Strong: Bethesda Super Mutants suck shit. Y'know Erikson fron Far Harbor? Would rather have him.

Longfellow: Dead Wife Man. Again, would have preferred Erikson.

Dogmeat and Ada: Perfect, no notes.

Best companions are:

Dogmeat, for being doggy

Ada, for being robot lady

Preston, for being perfect aside from two technical, Doylist issues.

[md-confessions]

sort of in response to that one ask about doll not being 'uzi if she never met n.'

both her and uzi were changed through grief and disconnect from their peers even if it showed in different ways. both of them have themes of loneliness & both of them have an intense festering hatred that fuels their motivations.

the difference between them is that through the connections that uzi formed after being forced into a situation where she had to open up, she deterred herself from the path she was slowly going down.

like her quote en quote villain arc was stopped before it started because of the connection she formed with N but doll never had that.

doll refused to form connections despite the chances she was given because it happened too late. her anger festered for so long that she wasn't able to make a comeback. her hubris was her downfall. she became the very thing she sought to destroy.

the point of promening and her 'hypocritical murder plan' was that she was so blinded by her anger and hatred, she didn't really think too far about the logics of her plan; she probably fantasized killing v and then took the first chance she could to actually do it.

she has some kind of tunnel vision, focusing on her goals until she's gotten them; no matter the cost, no matter who or what she has to get through. (another similarity between her and uzi, imo.)

Uzi basically stated "hey we should stop fighting cause there's bigger shit at play and we can deal with it better if we team up" and Doll responded with "No I can do this on my own also die"

sort of. imagine you spend years upon years seething and imagining ways you're going to kill this sky demon that killed your parents in front of you and lead to the activation of a virus that has plagued you for years since that point. you have to actively kill and eat people from a young age & you are alone in your struggles; presumably the singular person who is aware of them finds your trauma humorous to an extent, and even if she sticks by your side, you feel like she doesn't really get it. i reiterate; you are alone in your struggles.

one day, you finally get your chance. you fantasize this moment for years, to the point where it becomes the only plausible solution to your problems. you don't plan it out thoroughly, because you know the universe will deal its hand correctly and allow you catharsis after years of festering that hatred. it finally happens. you have her in your sights, you have her pinned, she knows who you are now and you're about to kill her, to inflict all the pain on her you have wanted to for years; no matter who may have gotten in your way, you will have this, it's all you want, its all you HAVE wanted.

and then someone stops you. she tells you some things that if you were in a clearer mind, you would have thought deeper about, but you're so fucking angry right now and you want her to get out of the way. you don't listen.

you fight. you lose. you come back.

she has the same virus as you. you're not alone anymore. and that's when the conflicting feelings start. but despite that start, they never quite come to any meaningful conclusion because you have more important things to do. perhaps she inspired you a little to understand that the fate of the planet is more important than your fantasy for revenge, but you're so set in your ways you can't quite admit it yet. and again; when you get that chance again, to enact revenge, you take it.

and in the end, it ruined her & she died. she died as she lived; alone.

essentially, 'doll is uzi if she never met n' doesn't mean that exactly; it means doll is uzi if she never formed meaningful connections. the friends she had in school don't count in my eyes. literally the very first proper interaction we see between her and lizzy is lizzy playing doll's traumatic experience off as a joke. no hate towards lizzy also just to specify i love them as friends i just don't think it is on the same level of healthy as n and uzis friendship is?

okay.. i can't add any more to this it's so fucking long also it's 1 am GOODNIGHT i hope this doesn't look weird or aggressive

.

[streetlight11]

We Were Wrong

Summary: What one favour was thought to be harmless with no growing feelings involved, turns out to take a whole new turn during the process

Theme: college au, childhood frenemies to lovers

Genre: angst (not really), slowburn, romance, slightly suggestive, fluff

Warnings: mild language, light mentions of sexual activities

Pairing: Seo Changbin x Fem!Reader

WC: 10.1K

a/n: Hello! I'm back... Though I won't be posting weekly anymore, I will be going back to posting my works as often as I can! Here's a cute little fic with our dwaekki <3 Enjoy :)

It was a bright Tuesday afternoon. You were having lunch with your friends at the cafeteria where Sojung was just complaining to you girls about her horrible blind date last weekend. “Can you believe he didn’t know how to eat me out right? I had to guide him and teach him how to do it, it’s horrendous!” You stifled a laugh as Lisa and Eunbi didn’t bother to hide their laughter. “He needs to get lessons from Changbin. That guy is a fucking pro.” Sojung continued, to which you immediately scowled upon hearing that name.

Changbin or as you’re more familiar with, Seo Changbin, is actually your childhood neighbour and also enemy. You grew up hating that boy’s guts. He was a loudmouth in preschool that just annoys the shit out of you. He can be very obnoxious to the point where you can’t stand his presence. It only worsens when you go to high school. It’s like he was your shadow that couldn’t seem to leave you in peace.

“Why is everyone saying that? He’s such a jerk who thinks he’s so good at everything.” You scoffed while stabbing the chicken meat in your plate, only for Lisa to smirk.

“That’s because he is good at everything, especially eating a girl out.”

“Disgusting.” You said as you took a rough bite of the chicken. Just then as if on cue, Eunbi’s eyes traveled past your head and soon smirked before announcing his arrival.

“Speaking of which, here comes the prince charmings of Hankuk U.” She said, nodding her head at where she was staring. Curiously, you turned your head only to find that everyone else had done the same. The girls in every table began to whisper and squeak when the guys glanced their way and gave them flirty gestures. 

The reason why they’re popular is because of two reasons. The 8 of them were a part of the school’s soccer team and they were famously known for their frequent yet amazing one night stands. People claimed that they were heavenly in bed and all of them were excellent when it comes to satisfying a girl’s needs. Almost every girl on campus has definitely experienced it with at least one of them once. The reason why I said almost every girl is because you’re probably the only one who hasn’t gone there.

Not that you plan to any time soon anyway. You would rather stay away from them, especially your childhood enemy. For some reason, your gaze was fixed on Changbin as you watched him strut down the cafeteria with his hands tucked into his pants pockets.

He was wearing a black ripped jeans, a light grey long sleeved shirt which wraps snugly around his thick arms like a hug, along with a pair of black combat boots. His hair was dyed black with a few strands of green highlights. You also noticed he has an undercut that peeks under the styled up bangs to show part of his forehead while his hair flops down his face with a volume. 

Would you say he grew up well? Sure.

Does this mean you don’t hate him anymore? Fuck no.

Would you put your hatred aside to see if what everyone said about him was true? Of course not.

Right when you were about to turn away, Changbin’s eyes flickered over to your table, that’s when his gaze met yours. He walked past your table without breaking eye contact even after he was a few feet ahead. He had his head slightly turned before he finally breaks away and focuses his attention to what’s in front of him. 

A few minutes later, you were just listening to Eunbi rant about her controlling parents when your curious eyes began to wander around the room. You weren’t really looking for anyone in particular despite looking like you were. It wasn’t until you spotted Changbin a few tables diagonally down from yours with his back towards you but his head was turned around and his eyes were on you.

How long has he been staring at you?

You shifted in your seat as you diverted your eyes to your plate briefly before looking back at Eunbi who was seated opposite you. 

A few seconds later, your eyes flicked back past her head only to be met with the back of his head. A small sigh of relief left your lips before focusing back on your friends. After you were done with your lunch, you girls got up to leave. You forced yourself not to look over at his table despite feeling a pair of eyes burning a hole into your skull. You were halfway down the hall when a heavy arm slings over your shoulder. 

“Hey princess, mind if you walk with me for a bit?” Changbin asked you directly, not sparing a glance to your friends.

“Why?” You frowned, glaring at him in the process.

“For old time sake, how about that?”

“Mmm, no thanks.” You said as you pushed his arm down your shoulder. Changbin lets out a soft chuckle before he comes back to your side only this time, holding his gaze with your friends.

“I’m sure you ladies wouldn’t mind if I steal her for a bit, hmm?”

You expected them to reject him and say you needed to head to class soon. You weren’t ready to hear them easily let him steal you away as if class wasn’t gonna start in 10 minutes time. With that being said, Changbin gives them a flirtatious wink before he slides an arm around your waist and begins to tug you down the opposite hallway. After you were quite far from your friends, that’s when you pushed him away and frowned at him.

“What the hell are you doing?” You asked in annoyance, only for him to smirk at you calmly.

“Relax, you fool. I just wanted to get some time alone with you.”

“Why?”

“Because I missed you.” He sounded very genuine but you knew this was just an act.

“Bullshit. You have no reason to miss me when you literally fuck different girls every night.” You said as you were about to walk away when he grabbed your wrist to stop you.

“Okay fine, that’s not why I pulled you aside for…” Changbin sighed as you stared at him quietly with a prominent frown on your face. You waited for him to continue, feeling him let go of your wrist while he did so. “I actually need you to do me a favour.” You raised your eyebrow at him tauntingly.

“I’m listening…”

Changbin scoffed but then continued.

“I need you to be my fake girlfriend for 2 months.”

“2 months?! What is this? The Bachelor?” You asked in shock after hearing his proposal.

“Look! I know it sounds like a lot but I just need you to be my fake girlfriend for 2 months and then we can go back to hating each other.”

“Why must it be 2 months? What shit did you get into this time?” You asked slightly impatiently this time, feeling like your brain might combust. 

“My mom wants to matchmake me with this rich girl but I don’t like her. She made a deal with me that if I can’t find a girlfriend in two months, she’s going to matchmake me with that rich girl.”

“And so you’re asking the girl who is the least of your favourites, to pretend to be your girlfriend? The irony.” You scoffed, looking away from him for a brief second before he clicked his tongue in annoyance.

“Can you please just help me out over here?”

“Why me? Why not ask the girls you’ve slept with. I’m sure they’ll do an excellent job in being your girlfriend for two long months.”

“They’re nothing but strangers to me. I know nothing about them. Besides, the girl my mom wants to matchmake me with is also the same girl who spilled that chocolate milk onto your skirt in high school.”

“Kang Leena?!”

“Bingo. So are you gonna help me or not?”

“That depends. What do I get out of this?”

Changbin seemed to think hard for a few seconds before he spoke up a suggestion that you couldn’t seem to avoid, “After all of this ends, I promise to leave you alone for good.”

“Sounds about right.” You said, making him roll his eyes at you despite his lips tugging up into a smile.

Looks like you would be starting this operation in a week’s time. 

Changbin and you exchanged contacts so that you can communicate with each other on days where the other is busy with personal stuff. That night, you were just watching a tv series on netflix in your living room when your phone dinged a few times with a message. You reached over to take your phone off the table only to find three messages from Changbin.

Changbin: let’s set down some rules for this fake relationship

Changbin: you list out 5 do’s

Changbin: I’ll list out 5 don’ts

You: sure captain 🙄

Changbin: Co-Captain actually 😉

You: whatever

Changbin: hurry up and give me 5 do’s 

You: can you give me a minute?! Jeez…

You: okay, 5 do’s; Go on dates every week so we’ll get comfortable with each other. Hold hands or hug in public, be it in school or outside. Be nice to each other for the sake of this fake relationship. Be comfortable doing all these things mentioned with the other so that your parents will believe our act. And lastly, try not to kill each other during these 2 months

Changbin: go ahead and write a whole essay will you

You: shut up before i slap on some super glue to your lips

Changbin: you can’t even get me if you tried

You: try me

Changbin: 😒

Changbin: ANYWHO

Changbin: 5 don’ts; NO hooking up with outsiders during these 2 months. NO texting or calling for at least half of the week. NO discussing this fake relationship agenda to either of our friends. NO dishonesty during these 2 months. And last but not least, NO kissing on the lips (anywhere on the face except lips)

You: i’m pretty sure that first no is solely meant for you

Changbin: please, you’re just being modest

Changbin: i’ve heard stories about you going on a few horrible dates 😏

You: how would you know? You don’t even have a civilized conversation with me

Changbin: i have my sources sweetheart 😘

You: God you’re annoying

Changbin: thank you, and i intend on being the most annoying fake boyfriend you’ve ever had

You: fuck off

Changbin: too late princess 😆

You: i hate you

You: when does this stupid thing start?

Changbin: should we start this weekend with our first date?

You: sure, i’m free for the weekend anyway

Changbin: of course you are… okay, I'll pick you up at 4?

You: yeah whatever

Changbin: please wear appropriately for the date, i don’t want to look like i’m bringing around a homeless mother of 3

You: says the one who looks like they only have child sized clothes on for their overly grown sized body

Changbin: are you saying i’m muscular? 😏

You: fuck no

Changbin: rude… but i’ll give you that

You: are we done? Cause i wanna go back to my movie

Changbin: what are you watching? Can i join? 😏

You: BYE

You locked your phone and soon tossed it to the side, letting out a soft scoff before you turned your attention back to your tv screen despite hearing a soft ding sound coming from your phone. A few minutes later, you checked your phone to see what it was, only to smile when you saw the text he sent you.

Changbin: haha. Thanks for agreeing to help me with this. I really appreciate it 😊

Maybe this won’t be a horrible 2 months after all.

Weekend was finally here, you remembered Changbin saying he’ll pick you up at 4. You had already given him your apartment address a few days ago so he didn’t text you the entire day. Not that you cared, your fake relationship deal wouldn’t officially start after the date anyway. Now the problem is, you were struggling with what to wear. He didn’t specify what you were doing today so it was a little difficult for you to decide on your outfit. So you chose to text him to clear your questions.

You: Seo Changbin

Changbin: yes, my love?

Your heart skipped a beat. Wait, what…

You: where are we going later?

Changbin: it’s a surprise 

You: 😒 is it skirt/dress friendly?

Changbin: it is but I think it’s best if you wore jeans

You: okay

Changbin: see you :)

A small part of you weren’t used to seeing this side of him but you didn’t mind it. If you were going to see his nicer side for 2 months straight, you’d be down for it. So with that being said, you managed to find an outfit for your ‘first date’. You opted to go for light washed denim skinny jeans, a white tank top, a lilac cardigan and your favourite pair of white sneakers. Your hair down in a center parting as it flows down in pretty beach waves. You wore your daily light makeup but nothing too extravagant since you weren’t that kind of girl.

After you were done, you stared at yourself in the mirror to give yourself one more look to make sure everything was okay. Besides, this was all fake anyway so surely he wouldn’t care if you didn’t look anywhere close to as pretty as the other girls he’s dated or hooked up with before.

You were just replying to the girls in your group chat when there was a knock at your front door. You left your bedroom to go greet who was at your doorstep. Without checking the peephole, you pulled your door open only to find Changbin standing there leaning against your door frame. He was wearing a black skinny jeans with a navy green button up sweater and a pair of white sneakers.

“Hey fake girlfriend, ready for our first date?” Changbin said, making you roll your eyes at him as you pushed him by the chest gently.

“Please don’t call me that. Another thing to add to our list of don’ts…”

“So can I call you baby?”

You gave him a look after locking your door before you started to walk down the corridor with him.

“No.”

“Why not?”

“Because… I don’t want you to.”

“Why?” He asked as he pressed the lift button and soon turned to you with a pout.

“Call me by my name, you imbecile.” 

“But I wanna call you baby.”

You found yourself groaning in annoyance softly before you spoke up to give in to him, “Fine, but not in school.”

“Okay!” Changbin grinned as he let out a soft giggle. 

A few minutes later, you were staring out his car window when you realized he was bringing you to the open ice rink. You panicked as you whipped your head towards him only to squeak, “You’re taking me to go ice skating?!”

“Yeah.”

“I can’t skate!”

“I can. So it’s fine.”

“That won’t help. You’ll probably just leave me struggling like a baby giraffe trying to walk.”

“Hey, I can be nice when I want to. You’ve just always seen my mean side all the time.” Changbin shrugged his shoulders, making you scoff. He soon pulled into the parking lot outside the ice skating rink. You both left the vehicle and began to make your way to the entrance. He walked beside you but never touched you. Upon arriving at the counter where there was a line of people waiting to rent their skating boots, you joined the queue with him beside you. 

The wait was quite fast as you managed to rent out your boots and made your way into the rink. After you’ve secured the shoelaces, you watched him stand from his seat, noticing how you were still seated down.

“Come on baby girl, we don’t have all day.” Changbin said as he grabbed your hand and tugged you up. Right off the bat, you almost lost your balance and you weren’t even on the ice yet.

Changbin catches your waist while you clinged onto his biceps. A soft whine left your lips, earning a loud cackle from him. Slapping his chest for revenge, Changbin hissed but that smile never left his face. “Come on Y/N, we have to start moving.”

“I’m scared I’ll fall down! I can’t even stand properly on a dry surface!”

“Just hold my hand, you’ll be fine.” Changbin said as he began to gently drag you towards the ice rink. Once he entered the rink on both feet, you were still at the edge of the gate, feeling envious of how he glided through the ice in perfect figure 8’s. Just then, he appears in front of you with both hands outstretched to you. He told you to hold onto him but you stubbornly shook your head. Changbin snarled at you, making you growl. 

“Do you trust me?” He asked.

“Not right now. No.”

“Y/N…”

“Fine!” You said as you went to grab his hands while he gently guided you forward, letting you step into the rink one leg at a time. Once you finally stepped into the rink, Changbin began to skate backwards while still holding your hands. You spent the first 30 minutes just trying to get your feet coordination right, scolding him every once in a while if he tries to be funny. You were just skating on your own when a sudden crash behind you made your heart stop while your feet skidded slightly to keep your balance. A scream left your lips as you then felt warm hands on your waist followed by a familiar voice in your ear.

“Look at you, skating well on your own.”

“In case you forgot, you were the one who left me alone.”

“But you still made it halfway around the rink, so you’re welcome.” Changbin smiled as he skated past your side to meet you face to face, only for you to narrow your eyes at him. All he did was laugh before he jokes around with you while skating backwards to make sure you didn’t fall.

After you were done with the one hour, you both left the rink to change back into your shoes. Changbin returns the boots to the counter before he rejoins you at the corner of the entrance. You were just scrolling through your instagram when you felt a pair of thick arms wrapping themselves around your waist. Changbin rests his chin on your shoulder only to hear him lightly giggle in your ear, “Where should we eat?” He asked, making you sigh. 

“I’m craving for sushi…” You said. Right after you say that, Changbin pulls away from you sharply to let out a loud excited yell that leaves people turning their heads to you. You spun around and shoved your palms onto his mouth with a disapproving frown on your face. 

“See, this is exactly why I don’t hang around with you. It’s because you’re so bloody loud!” You snickered at him, pushing his face back slightly before removing your hands from his mouth. Changbin’s face drops a little and you feel kinda bad. It looks like he was actually offended by your words. 

“Is that why you hate me?” His voice was so soft and gentle, you almost wanted to slap yourself for saying that to him.

“I…”

“It’s okay. I know I can be obnoxious most of the time. Even my friends say that.” He said as he began to walk towards the exit. You quickly joined him by his side, only to notice his shift in attitude. So with a gentle hand, you slipped your fingers into his right palm before you grabbed it. He stopped walking and turned around to you with a small frown on his face.

“I’m sorry… for what I said.”

“It’s okay. We should get going.” Changbin smiled but you could tell it wasn’t a genuine one. You let go of his hand and soon made your way back to his car.

It’s been an hour since you arrived at the sushi place. Both of you ate in partial silence, engaging in a few short conversations along the way but it wasn’t flowing. You felt bad ever since what happened at the skating rink earlier. Even though he told you it was fine, a small part of you felt guilty for treating him like that. After he paid for the food, he told you he would send you home and so you quietly nodded. 

He didn’t walk you to your door but you totally don’t blame him. Once you’ve said goodnight to him, you left his car quietly. Not even 5 seconds later, he was already pulling out of the side and driving off into the distance.

You’re officially a horrible person.

It’s been two weeks since your first date and things have been slightly changing between you and him in school. You were no longer on each other’s tails consistently. Although Changbin seemed to have forgiven you for what you said that day, it was quite obvious that your mutual hatred for each other was still there. It was a Friday late afternoon and you had a netball tournament that day. You had just finished your afternoon classes and were currently rushing over to the other side of campus where the indoor sports hall is located. 

You were running late due to your lecturer being a bitch and letting you off late even when you told her you had a tournament half an hour earlier. Upon arriving at the hall, you were quite surprised to see that the bleachers were almost full. You rushed over to where your teammates were, only to see Changbin seated amongst the crowd on the second row of bleachers.

His lips curved into a lopsided smile as you briefly looked away from him to join your friends. You put down your bag and took out your attire to change into. After you were done, you came back out of the changing room only to jump back when you saw a familiar figure leaning against the wall seemingly waiting for you.

“Why are you here? Is everything okay?” You asked softly in confusion, earning a shake of his head before he pushed himself off the wall.

“I just wanted to wish you good luck.” Changbin said.

You nodded subtly and was about to walk off but he gently grabbed your wrist to stop you.

“That’s it? No thank you kiss?”

“You’re so irritable.” You sighed as you leaned in to give him a kiss to his cheek softly and said, “Thanks for your good luck wish. See you at the bleachers.” You then jogged back out to prepare for the game, missing the way Changbin had a smile stuck to his face even after he joined his friends back at the bleachers. A few minutes passed, you were leading the scores by 5 points for this first game.

You tried your best to guide your teammates on where to go, earning a few points along the way. The first game went well as you won with a hefty 18-9 points.

It was currently break time so you took this time to hydrate yourself and do a few rounds of practice. You drowned yourself in water when Eunseo asked you if you wanted to do some practice throws with her. You were just practicing your straight toss with Eunseo when Changbin spoke up from the first row bleachers to step on your tail.

“Come on Y/N… Is that all the power you have?” His lips curled into a horrible smirk that leaves you huffing. You caught the ball from Eunseo only to call him out with your finger.

“Wanna see what I can do?”

Changbin pushed the tip of his tongue against his inner cheek before he stood up and walked over to stand beside Eunseo. He never even spared a glance to her nor did he flirt with her for he only had eyes for you. He gestured for you to throw it to him with his outstretched arms. With one strong pull, you threw the ball to him in a straight throw. The ball flew across at a powerful speed that made him stumble back a step with a loud huff leaving his lips, not to mention the loud thud when he caught the ball in his hands. 

You raised your eyebrow at him tauntingly, earning a light smirk from him, “Not that weak, huh Changbin?” You asked as he tossed the ball back to you but with less power. 

“Fine, guess I was wrong then.” Changbin said with a shrug of his shoulders, making you scoff. A few minutes later, the third game started and your rival team was quite a strong one. Except, they had a lot of foul plays. You were about to catch the ball that Yeri passed to you when your opponent forcefully crashed into your side as she elbowed you in the face.

You fell harshly, slamming your shoulder onto the ground, a sharp pain struck your left shoulder and also your nose as you began to feel something wet flow down your cupid’s bow. Because the game was still going, no one properly came to check on you except for Minju who was near you. You sat up while gripping onto your shoulder only to hear someone direct her words to you.

“Watch out captain. I’ll make sure you get benched after this.” It was the girl who pushed you. With that being said, you growled as you stood up, wiping your nose with the back of your hand, ready to pounce at the bitch but Minju stopped you.

“Y/N you can’t, you’ll get disqualified.” Minju said and despite knowing she was right, you were too pissed to keep that in mind.

So you simply told her to continue playing while you went off to the side to fix your shoulder and nose bleed. You clutched onto your shoulder while you stayed by the side to watch your teammates. Just when you saw Yeji catch the ball, you yelled at her saying you’re open. She passed the ball to you fast but what happened next was in a split second. Right when you had the ball make contact with your hands, a firm shove to your side made you lose the ball yet again.

This time, you collapsed on your knees while your hands flew out to stop you from hitting face first. This made your already injured shoulder to dislocate. A loud scream left your lips as the referee penalized the girl from the other team for causing an injury.

You laid on the ground back flat as your arm was in a weird position. Next thing you knew, Changbin came forward to join where Yeji, Minju, Sana and Eunseo were crowding around you.

“Go get me an ice pack.” Changbin ordered one of the girls as Yeji immediately got up. Changbin came to kneel behind your head where you were laying down, only for him to stare at your dislocated shoulder.

He gently felt the bump to see how he should pop it back. That’s when Yeji came back and soon Chan joined your side.

“Remember what our coach told us?” Chan asked.

“Yeah. I need to push it down but this is gonna fucking hurt.” Changbin said as he looked at you with a frown.

“Just do it already!”

“I’m kinda warning you, dumbass.” Changbin said nonchalantly as he soon told you to hold onto something. He grabbed the parts he needed to hold in order to pop your shoulder back into place. With one quick push, your shoulder popped back into its socket, earning another scream from you.

It was even more painful now then when it dislocated. Nevertheless, Yeji quickly pressed the ice pack onto your shoulder to soothe the stinging pain. Your breath got heavy as you closed your eyes in relief.

All the while, Changbin’s hands never really left your shoulder even while you heard him just telling your teammates on how to aid your shoulder. When you opened your eyes, Changbin had just finished instructing the girls as he glanced down at you. His eyes held the galaxy even when his face was upside down from your point of view.

“How are you feeling?” He asked.

“Better… Thanks.”

Changbin nodded as he soon got up but before he did, he slid his hand up your neck only to caress your cheek with his thumb subtly. You sighed, allowing your members to help you sit up. You managed to get out of the court to sit on the bench. Despite not being able to take part in the next games, your team ended up winning the tournament.

After the tournament ended, you were all just listening to your coach giving some advice and wise words while you noticed the crowd began to disperse. You sat on the bench with an ice pack pressed against your shoulder with the help of bandages wrapped around your shoulder and under arm. When you girls were finally dismissed, Yeji and Minju came to ask if you needed a ride home.

You hissed upon moving your shoulder slightly, feeling like it was about to break again but someone’s voice answered for you.

“I can take her home.” Changbin said, making you glance to the side and see him walking over with his hands tucked into his jeans.

Your friends knew about your mutual hatred for Changbin which is why they looked at you skeptically and asked if you were sure about letting him drive you home. When you gave them a nod, they simply told you to take care before they began to go separate ways with you. Meanwhile, Changbin helps you with your bag, asking you to not move your shoulder as much. 

Changbin joins you by your side, sliding an arm around your waist as you turn to him with a frown.

“You do realise I can walk just fine right?”

“I know but can’t I just hold you while we walk?” His question made you pause, staring at him softly before deciding on your answer.

“Y-Yeah… Sorry…”

Changbin chuckled lightly, continuing to walk by your side. Once you safely made it inside his vehicle, he jogged over to the driver seat and was soon on his way. The ride back to your apartment seemed faster than usual but you were actually glad he was here with you. He offered to walk you to your door so ultimately, you invited him in.

It didn’t escalate to anything serious, it was just him chilling with you for a bit and helping you out with some things before he headed home. 

Looks like things are going pretty well between you and him, you just hope it stays this way.

The next morning, you woke up to a stinging pain in your shoulder. You must’ve slept wrong during the night because it fucking hurts like shit. And the first thing that came to mind when you were in a shit ton of pain, was to call the one person that you could think of the minute you wake up. The call got answered after the second ring which made you barely wait.

“Hello?” His raspy morning voice immediately soothes your cries despite the stinging pain in your shoulder. 

“C-Changbin…”

“Y/N? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” There was a rustle in the background as his voice instantly grew alert.

“M-My shoulder… It hurts…” Your voice became a soft whine, knowing your cries were definitely heard by him. 

“Okay, wait there. I’ll be there in 5 minutes. Don’t move okay, I’ll be right there.”

Changbin ends the call without saying goodbye but you couldn’t care anyway. You were curled up on the bed, feeling like your muscles were tearing and your bones were cracking. You quietly screamed into your mattress, gripping tightly onto your shoulder as if it would do anything to soothe the pain. Just as you were crying and whining softly in your bed, the sound of heavy footsteps began to scurry down the hall and soon enough, your bedroom door burst open.

The next thing you know, Changbin hops onto your mattress to crawl over to the other side and soon pulls your upper body up gently. He handled your shoulder with the utmost care, making sure your head was buried in his chest while he began to softly massage your shoulder. You hissed and screamed a few times whenever the pain was unbearable.

“I know, I know baby, it’s painful but it’ll go away soon, I promise.” Changbin said as you cried further into his chest. Your free hand grips onto his bicep nearest to you, squeezing it every time the pain gets too much to handle.

After a few more minutes of massaging your shoulder, the pain indeed began to subside and the sting was no longer spine crawling. Your tears had stopped flowing, your breathing got much calmer now but you still had your hand resting around his bicep. It was so quiet in the room that the only thing you could hear was the sound of your stifles. Just then, Changbin uses his hand which you had hold of his bicep, only to gently tuck your hair behind your ear and move it down to caress your cheek with his thumb.

“Does it still hurt?” He asked, to which you shook your head. His other arm was resting around your back to support you but his hand was on your rib, holding you securely in his arm. You snuggled deeper into his chest, loving the warmth he gave you.

Changbin decided to scoot you back a little along with himself, until he felt his back leaning against your stack of pillows. He gently adjusts you so that you are now sitting comfortably between his legs. 

You were laying on your side so your injured shoulder was facing outwards while your head and other arm rested against his chest. Changbin had one arm around your waist while the other hand decided to play with your hair. He soon slides his hand down your arm, cupping your elbow gently while he looks down at you. From his point of view, he could only see a small section of your face but he saw your eyes still open. He smiled as he leaned down to place a very soft kiss to the top of your head. You felt this but you chose not to acknowledge it. 

Just then, his free hand reaches up to glide his finger along your cheek before it tucks beneath your chin and carefully tilts your head up. Once you were facing him, you locked eyes with him shyly and he could tell. 

Changbin’s smile never left his face even after he cups your cheek fully in his palm. He leans down to let his lips hover right above yours. You could already feel the feathery touch of his lips brushing against yours before your fake relationship rules suddenly flashed into your mind. With that being said, you turned your face further into his hand right on time, earning a small frown from him.

“W-We can’t… It’s the rule…” You whispered with a heavy heart yet he agreed with you.

“Right… Right, sorry…” He replied in defeat before he told you to sleep a while more. He ended up taking care of you, staying at home with you the entire day. 

Maybe this was just out of pure courtesy. Maybe this was just for the act. And maybe, just maybe, this wasn’t an act and that whatever he did was genuinely honest.

It’s already been 2 months since your first ‘date’ and nobody still has any clue about your secret. You had one more date left before his family gathering the following day. Both of you managed to control your urge to act on your feelings because you forced yourself to think about all the mean things he’s ever said or done to you but all that goes down the drain every time you hang out with him. It doesn’t help with your growing feelings for him either. 

It was a Saturday late evening. You and Changbin planned to go to the bowling alley for your last activity of the day since that was the only activity you haven’t done yet during your weeks of dates. You arrived at the bowling alley only to find that it wasn’t as packed as you thought it would be. 

He rented a lane for you along with your bowling shoes. Both of you made your way to the very end of the room where your lane is with you carrying the shoes and him carrying the bowling balls. He told you to start first so you did. When you accidentally threw your ball into the gutter, Changbin couldn’t help but laugh at your failure.

“Seriously? You’re a Netball captain and yet this is the best you can do for bowling?” He teased you, making you scoff.

“Oh yeah? We’ll see about that.” You said smugly before taking the bowling ball and soon aimed it properly. You threw it with as much power you could muster, watching it roll down the lane in a perfect line. The minute it hit every one of the bowling pins and formed a strike, you turned around to raise your eyebrow at him tauntingly.

“What were you saying?” You asked, only to see him smirk. He pokes his inner cheek with his tongue, feeling competitive all of a sudden.

“Very well. May the best person win.” 

Minutes ticked by without you realizing, the game was about to end with you leading ahead by just 6 points. Things were starting to get intense as you were on your final throw now. This last throw will determine who wins.

With very careful aim and a precise throw, you watched as the bowl swirls down the lane in an awful curve. You panicked as the ball began to swerve to the right near where the gutter was. However, right before it reaches the pins, the ball swirls back in only to hit every single one of the pins, earning a strike for you. Which means, you won the game. You squealed as you bounced around excitedly.

Upon turning around where you thought you would find him being all salty and sulking in the corner, Changbin walked up to you with his arms wide open so you threw yourself on him. You wrapped your arms around his neck, feeling his arms hug your waist perfectly to allow his hands to rest on either side of your ribcage. 

He spins you around before putting you back down. When you pulled away with a giggle, Changbin’s eyes naturally flew down to your lips as his smile only got wider. Your heart was stammering in his chest as you slid your hands forward to cup his neck. 

After what felt like forever, Changbin’s eyes flicked back up to meet yours before he nudged your nose with his, scrunching his nose cutely. 

“Shall we go?” He asked, to which you simply nodded at him. 

Both of you returned the items back to the vendor, making sure you left no belongings behind. You were just walking towards the lift lobby when Changbin’s fingers easily slipped down your inner forearms, down your wrist only to then lace his fingers with yours swiftly. You chuckled softly knowing he was probably loving this.

“How long did you wait for this?” You asked with a teasing smile on your face.

“Since our date today started.” 

You couldn’t help but giggle as you both entered the lift together. You stood side by side in the lift, allowing the quietness to surround you. Just then, you felt him squeeze your hand softly to gain your attention and it did. You glanced over to him, not surprised to find him already staring at you softly.

“Are you ready for tomorrow?” He asked as he leaned against the lift wall.

“I think I am but are you? Besides, you’re the main character tomorrow, not me.”

“As long as you’re with me, I think I’ll be fine.” His words were so reassuring, you found your heart melting a bit. Upon seeing your gaze drop, Changbin tucks a finger under your chin only to tilt your head up.

“Everything will be fine. I promise.” He said with a smile, making you nod softly to say you trust him. He slides his hand over to cup your jaw but the sweet moment got cut short when a group of rowdy teenage guys entered the lift at level 5. They filled almost the entire lift that you literally buried yourself in Changbin’s chest for comfort.

Changbin notices the way those guys were sneaking glances over to you and how some of them were openly checking you out. While he was busy glaring at them, you too noticed the attention you had on you, not to mention the whispers you heard from beside you.

“How did he land such a hot girlfriend like her? He’s literally so short.” 

You needed to do something. You need to remind them that you’re not interested in them. With that being said, you glanced back to Changbin, using your free hand to gently grab his chin between your thumb and index finger. You turned his head to make him look at you as you purposely pushed your body against him. Changbin panicked for a second when he felt you pressed against his front but he soon recovered and played along with you.

“Baby, can we go home? I want you so bad…”

“Mmm, be patient baby girl. Or do you want to be punished?”

“I want you to tie me up and make me scream your name.”

“Such a naughty girl for me, huh?” Changbin smirks as he begins to kiss your exposed neck, leaving soft whines out of your lips. 

Changbin’s free hand slides over your waist, only to grab hold one of your clothed ass cheeks. Your breath hitched in your throat as he brought that hand back up to rest on your lower back. The minute the lift doors opened, the guys left without a single glance spared to you and Changbin.

He pulls away from you, immediately apologizing for grabbing you inappropriately like that. As much as you knew that was wrong, somehow, you liked it.

You liked it very much.

Both of you soon abandoned whatever happened in that lift, making your way back to your apartment as he told you he would walk you to your door. Once you were standing right in front of it, you turned to him to say your goodbyes even though you were suddenly dreading it. He was still holding your hand, his thumb softly caressing the back of your hand comfortingly. 

“I um… I had a good time today. I hope you did too.” Changbin began first.

“I did. Thank you… for everything these past two months.” You said, despite your voice almost faltering near the end. Changbin noticed this but he chose not to embarrass you by acknowledging it. 

“I guess this is goodnight then? I’ll see you tomorrow at 3?”

“Mhm! Goodnight Bin…” You whispered as he frowned a little when he saw tears starting to pool in your eyes. Next thing he knew, you quickly leaned in to kiss him on the cheek and soon unlocked your door. The minute you were in the comforts of your house, you instantly slid down to the ground with your back against the door. You quietly cried, not wanting him to hear you.

The past two months have been a roller coaster ride. Neither of you had any expectations of getting anything out of this. He solely needed you to fake date him for a few weeks so that when he finally had to face his parents who wanted him to marry a rich girl, he would have a valid reason to stop the arranged marriage seemingly because you two were ‘in love’. Nobody told him that he would actually fall in love with the one girl, he would never in a million years guess. His heart was yearning for you and he would do anything to have you back.

But he made a deal with you. That if this goes exactly the way they planned, he will promise to leave her alone for good. No matter how hurt and broken he would be.

Today is the day where you would have to face his family. You had to show off your fake girlfriend attitude to show that you were in love with their son and that they cannot arrange a marriage for their son. The only problem was, you don’t feel like a fake girlfriend anymore. You don’t think you can pretend like you’re in love with their son simply because you already are in love with their son.

So while you gave yourself one last look in the mirror, you had to force your tears away so as to not ruin your makeup. You wore a beautiful baby blue dress that flows down to stop at your mid calves. This was something you’ve never worn before but for this special occasion, you wanted to put a good first impression on his family. 

Which is why when you heard the knock on your door, your heart started to race in your chest. You let out a shaky sigh before telling yourself you can do this. With your purse in one hand and your heels in the other, you left your bedroom only to head straight to the front door. 

You pulled the door open, ready to greet the person standing outside but instead, your voice got stuck in your throat. 

Changbin was looking as handsome as ever in that black smart pants with a white button up shirt tucked in, a black leather vest and a tie hanging loosely around his neck. His hair was parted near the center as his bangs flops down with a volume so that it doesn't rest flat on his forehead.

He scanned your outfit from head to toe just like you did before he commented first.

“I… Wow… You look… really pretty.” He said under his breath, making you do the same for him. You let out a giggle to lighten the mood as he allowed you to lock the door and soon walked down the corridor with his hand in yours. 

“Why didn’t you wear this for our dates? I don’t think I’ve seen you wear a dress in all the years we’ve known each other.”

“I only wear dresses on special occasions… Today is one of them.” You smiled, making him mimic your facial expression. 

The ride to his parent’s home took about 1 and a half hours but never once was it boring or awkward. Changbin made jokes, you talked about random topics, you had a mini carpool session, literally no awkward silence moments were present during the journey and for that, you were thankful. 

When you finally arrived at his old house, he parked the car and soon left the car with you. His house was fairly huge, knowing he comes from a wealthy background. Right before you reached the front door, Changbin felt you hold back so he turned to you. He reassured you and his words brought you a different kind of comfort, one that only he knows how to do.

Immediately, you were met with his parents, his older sister, and a couple you’ve never seen before. The only person you recognized besides Changbin’s family, was none other than Kang Leena herself. 

The look on her face clearly shows that she had no idea you would be here let alone with Changbin.

“Hi mom, dad, noona. I hope I’m not late. I actually wanted to introduce you all to my beautiful girlfriend, Y/N.” Changbin announced as his sister’s eyes grew wide as her frowning lips soon turned into a bright smile. 

“Y/N?! You’re dating my brother?! I’m so happy for you two!” His sister said, making you giggle. 

Just then, his mom’s face dropped but she greeted you nonetheless. The first few minutes at dinner seemed a little tense between Changbin, his mother and Leena but you were quick to save the dinner by making light conversations and jokes with them. After dinner, all of you gathered at the living area where you sat next to Changbin and Chaerin. You were just listening to Chaerin telling you about how much she missed you when Leena’s mother spoke up.

“I’m sorry to cut this short, but I think we should really get on with the purpose of why we’re here.” You turned to look at Changbin’s parents who seemed to be in a dilemma. 

“I’m sorry if we had wasted your time, but I will not be marrying your daughter.” Changbin said firmly as you simply stared at him while he spoke. 

“Excuse me? My daughter can give you anything you want. She is definitely way better than your girlfriend here. She probably can’t even do anything for you. We can give you and your family all the luxury you want. What do you say?”

“You want me to ditch my girlfriend for your wealth? I think you have the wrong guy. I don’t want your money.”

“What do you want then son? We can give you anything you need. You name it.” Leena’s father said. Just then, Changbin’s mother stood up to speak her ground firmly. 

“We thought our son wouldn’t find the right girl to settle down with… and that he would just keep messing around. Looks like I was wrong. In fact, he looks really happy with his life right now and if it’s because of this girl, then we’ll gladly welcome her.”

Leena scowled as she glared at you but you didn’t care.

“You’re making a big mistake Changbin.” 

She said, only for Changbin to smirk, tilting his head to the side softly before he raised his eyebrow tauntingly to ask, “Am I though?” She let out a groan of frustration before she stormed off, her parents following behind closely. After they left, Changbin’s parents apologized to you only for you to brush them off saying it wasn’t a big issue. You stayed behind for a few more minutes before Changbin offered to send you home. 

The ride home was a little more quiet compared to on your way there. However, one thing that’s prominent was how he reached over to lace his fingers with yours, keeping his hand on top of your lap. You told yourself not to fall asleep but you did anyway. 

When he finally arrived at your apartment building, you were already heavily knocked out so he carried you up to your unit level.

He unlocked your door for you, carrying you to your bedroom. After he had taken off your heels for you, he tucked you into bed, making sure not to change you out of your clothes simply to respect your privacy. His heart swelled when he felt you gently grip onto his hand as if not to let him go. Changbin’s heart broke into a million pieces. 

He already loves you. 

You won his heart.

And yet, the cruel reality just decides to end things for you two. So with one heavy heart, Changbin leans down to give you a very soft and chaste kiss to your lips. It almost felt like he was kissing nothing before he whispered his last words to you.

“I hope you know that I love you.” 

With that, he left.

The next morning, you woke up slightly drowsy probably from the lack of sleep you’ve been having recently due to your pending assignments. You groaned as you stretched your limbs out. You realized you were in your apartment which means he must’ve carried you all the way up here. This thought made you smile as you turned to get out of bed but the note sitting on your bedside table didn’t go unnoticed. So you took it and saw in curved letters written on the front page, was your name.

The contents of it however, did not do a good job to prepare you for what’s to come.

~Dear Y/N,

If you read this in the morning, you probably would’ve known that our ‘fake relationship’ agenda ends here. I can’t thank you enough for agreeing to help me out with this. I know it might’ve sounded ridiculous the first day I told you but hey, we made it. Haha. Remember our do’s and don’ts we listed out? I think we actually nailed it, don't you think? You have no idea how many times I wanted to break that last don’t.

Anywho, I’m pretty sure you remembered our deal before we started this whole thing… That if we managed to convince my parents to not go ahead with the arranged marriage for me and Leena, that I will leave you alone for good. Looks like your wish is coming true. I’m glad we met years ago. I’m glad you came into my life. And I’m glad that you chose to be my partner in crime for this.

I wish you a happy and peaceful life from today on. May you find the right one for you who would treat you with so much love because you deserve it. Truly.

Take care Y/N :) See you around~

At the end of this entire letter, you were now a crying mess. Your heart was shattered. You couldn't stop the tears from falling. You missed him. You wanted to tell him that you loved him. To tell him that he is everything you wanted. To tell him how much he changed your feelings for him during the last 2 months. You can’t let him leave just like this. 

No way.

So when you arrived in school, you desperately hoped to bump into him somewhere since you two didn’t share your classes together. Unfortunately, he was nowhere to be seen. Even his usual group of friends didn’t show up in the cafeteria or in any parts of the school. You were just walking to class with your eyes scanning the entire campus when you heard a group of girls in that table beside you talking about a soccer match this evening. With that being said, you turned to Sojung, Lisa and Eunbi only to ask, “Is the soccer tournament today?”

“Yes! It starts at 6pm later at our stadium! Are you coming?” Sojung asked, to which you nodded with a small smile.

If you couldn’t find him on campus, you were pretty sure you’d find him on the field.

Hours later, you were now seated in the middle row of the concrete bleachers of the school’s stadium. There were too many people in the crowd but they weren’t the ones you care about. The one you cared about was nowhere to be seen. The game was about to start and the crowd was beginning to cheer loudly for the school team players. You watched as they announced the opposing school team, earning cheers from the supporters for their campus.

A few seconds later, they announced your school team players and as expected, the crowd grew wild. You watched as the boys began to flood in pairs. They had their jerseys on which means you could see their names on it. Just when you thought he decided to go MIA, a familiar back came jogging in last as his name was seen in bold letters at the back of his shirt.

CHANGBIN ‘08’

You kept your eyes locked on him the entire time even on the field, witnessing how good of a striker he was. During their half time, you saw the way Changbin took a huge gulp of his water but soon his eyes began to scan the crowd as though searching for someone. Of course it would be impossible for him to spot you amongst the crowd when you literally look like a bunch of ants from his point of view.

After another round of matches, your school team came out as the winner for this tournament with a hefty score of 12-6.

You smiled upon seeing them do a group hug on the field. They were celebrating their victory and so was everyone else in the crowd. Just when you saw Changbin’s head turn to look directly in your view, you glanced down. Sojung noticed this so she asked, “Are you okay?”

“Y-Yeah…” You smiled as you tried so hard not to cry.

She knew something was wrong so she turned back to the field only to see Changbin’s gaze focused completely in your direction. He had a deep frown on his face and that’s when Sojung knew, there was something going on between the two of you.

With that being said, she suggests that you go to the washroom. The only washroom that was the nearest would be the ones at the ground level of the stadium and you had to walk towards them before entering the tunnel. Your mind was too fuzzy to think so you blankly agreed to it. You made your way down the steps, eyes naturally fleeing up but it was a mistake. The minute you did, that’s when you locked eyes with Changbin who was crossing the running tracks and was slowly getting nearer towards the bench.

Your breath hitched in your throat as you watched him look down to continue walking but his frown did not go unnoticed. You made it to ground level as the girls around you began to squeal and wave obnoxiously to get the boys’ attention. Meanwhile, Changbin had made it to the bench where he was just wiping his sweat with his small towel and taking a sip of his bottled water when his gaze landed on you.

He wanted nothing more but to go over there and hug you. All he could think of last night was you. But he already gave you that note. He can’t take his words back now. So with a frown, he turned around to let his back face you. Changbin already threw the ball to you. The ball was now in your court. What would you do? Many questions flooded your mind but it all came down to one answer.

Get him back.

With that in mind, you decided to make a detour. Instead of turning right to head into the tunnel, you continued walking straight. The whispers around you got louder and louder, that it didn’t seem to go unnoticed by the boys. Because the minute you were just a few metres behind Changbin, Hyunjin turned to see you coming so he quickly slapped Changbin’s thigh and nodded his head to you with a smile.

Changbin turned around to face you fully as he stared at you softly but you could tell he was broken inside.

“Y/N? What are you doing here?” He asked as you stopped a few inches away from him.

“Remember the last don’t?” He stayed quiet but he nodded, watching as you took a step closer.

“When was the first time you wanted to break that rule?”

“The morning after when you called me because you were in pain.”

“It’s over now, isn’t it? So go ahead.” You whispered as you were now standing just a fist length apart from him. Changbin naturally slides his hands around your waist while you rest your hands on his cheeks. His lips tug into a smile before he finally leans in and the minute your lips touched, you heard a mixture of responses from the crowd but the more prominent one was the cheers.

He hugged you against him while you cupped his soft cheeks in your hands. Changbin pulls away for a quick breath only to kiss you again deeper, feeling him lick your bottom lip. You smiled into his mouth, pulling away to let your noses touch and your lips hover over each other. You weren’t sure when to say it but he decided to say it first.

“I love you.”

You fluttered your eyes open only to see him already staring down at your swollen lips through his lashes. You smiled as you kissed him sweetly before pulling away again to finally say your three words.

“I love you too.”

[villainessbian]

Hi I have no therapist but I need an outlet so only read this if you're interested in a hurt person's rambling.

Saw a really touching personal comic someone wrote lately but what struck me the most was probably not what she said in general or her specific point but just one exchange:

"you'll make everyone uncomfortable!"

"they're just going to have to forgive me until I figure it out then!"

And I don't want to share her circumstances because it was something very personal to her - but it got me thinking.

This wasn't her final point or main theme.

It was just one of the numerous exchanges she had with the voice of her self-doubt/trauma.

The way I understand it, it's supposed to be a line that shows confidence. Being ready to break convention, not being afraid of judgment, "that's on them" kinda deal.

But... you can just... expect people to forgive you?

I've always been expected to do that work for any and everyone, but I've never been able to just assume someone would forgive me for anything? I never noticed the asymmetry or questioned that because people are just unfair when they feel they can be and I attributed basically everything to my relative isolation and dependency on crumbs of positivity, and the social imbalance that entailed. But actually the social imbalance depended on that asymmetrical treatment to begin with!

It's been made abundantly clear that if I do something badly or something that's bad, I'm going to experience social, psychological, and/or physical hurt. Was I entitled to leniency, understanding, and patience this entire time? That's bullshit. Once again fuck everyone I grew up with, fuck this bullshit hateful town, fuck my parents, fuck all of them and their bullshit ableism and hatred of difference, fuck their bigoted will to take advantage, twist, harm, control, traumatise

I'll be focusing on forgiving myself on perceived slights I never should have been blamed for in the first place, and I'll be holding on to that grudge towards all of them. I had more humanity than them all at age fucking 8.

[srorgana1]

Invocation

Paring: Vampire Kylo/Hunter Rey

Warnings: Dark Themes (apporaching Dead Dove, you have been warned), Supernatural/Paranormal, Blood, Violence, Gore, Death, NSFW 18+, Sexual Content, Psychological and Physical Torture, Kidnapping, Hatred towards organized religion, Pain, Major/Minor character death/injury, Demonic Possession

Chapter Sixteen

A scream resonates off the cold stone, jolting Asher awake. Fuck he thinks as he shifts up, his back stiff and aching. He rubs his hand through his greasy hair as he looks around at his cell. Same shit different day he thinks as he stands gingerly to relieve himself. He catches a glace of himself in the broken mirror above the toilet and grimaces. At least the swelling is gone he thinks as he touches his bruised jaw lightly.

He groans as he pushes his hair back and checks the laceration on his temple. It’s still gnarly looking. He should’ve listened more to his mother’s teachings on healing. At the time he didn’t think it was necessary. Why would he need that when he was quick, agile and had magick?

He winces as he turns, his bruised and bloody hand going to his side. He wouldn’t be surprised if he had a broken rib or two. The guards were especially brutal earlier in the weak, fed up with his attitude. One restrained him as the other let loose with a flurry of fists and curses.

Even through the pain, he didn’t give them the satisfaction of breaking down. Being the asshole that he is, he smiled at them through a split lip and spit in his assailant’s pug-like face. That earned him being shocked with a cattle prod and dumped back into his cell.

He sits back down and focuses on the door. There has to be reason they are keeping him alive. They could have easily killed him and by the grumbles by the guards they clearly want to. He shuts his eyes and focuses on the energies around him. He can feel the dark rancid demon energy of the guards pacing the halls. He can also feel the myriad of feelings of the other prisoners.

It had to be because of his blood. Being the only child of a Knight of Ren and one of the oldest Witch families in America meant he was always singled out. He hated it. That’s why he didn’t follow in his parent’s footsteps in Supernatural/Human relations and popped off to England to do music with his friends. They didn’t approve at first, especially with him changing his name, but they eventually came around.

His mind goes back to the night he was taken. He was his turn to get the takeaway and his flatmates took way too long to decide. They eventually picked a little Indian joint a couple blocks away and he was stupid distracted by his phone. He didn’t even notice the two shadowy men following him as he texted that pretty brunette from the previous night’s show. They jumped in an alley a block from the restaurant. He fought like hell but was surprised by one coming up from behind and knocking him out.

His father’s words echoed in his head “fight smarter not harder”. He sighs and lays back on his rickety cot, careful of his side. I’m trying Dad. He has assessed this whole place as much as he could on multiple occasions. It’s layered in magical protective spells meant for those inside to be invisible. Untraceable. He needs to think like his parents for once. What would they do?

He hears a cell door open and close. A disgusting cackle of one of the guards. He looks down at his filthy socked feet. Shouldn’t have worn your new Celines out you idiot, who knows where they are now.

He is about to close his eyes when he picks up a new signature. His brow crinkles at it’s familiarity. He sits up quickly and focuses on it, pushing through the weak hexes surrounding the cell doors. He’s stunned when he is able to see his first cousin, once removed crumpled on the cot in her own dank cell. “Kaydel” he gasps, hopeful she isn’t dead.

He sees her jolt awake and look around the room. “Kaydel it’s me” he says again, his magick straining to keep the connection. “Asher? Oh my god is that you?!” she says as she looks around for him. “Yeah, yeah I’m here are you okay?” he says. “I think my arm is broken but otherwise I’m okay” she says, hissing in pain “do you know where we are?”

“No I don’t, but what I can tell we are underground” he says as he grits his teeth. “Asher are you still there?!” she says sounding more frantic. “Yes” he says louder “give me a second”. He takes a deep breath through his nose, letting his pain drive him forward. “Kaydel I need your help. I think with both of us I can send a message to Mom.”

“How?” she wails, gripping her hurt arm tighter to herself. “Just trust me okay?!” he says gruffly, growing irritated “are you a fucking Hunter or not?!” He hears her sniffle, groaning to sit up. “Just focus on her and I’ll do the rest okay?” He feels her magick begin the intertwine with his. It’s weak compared to his mother’s but enough.

He struggles to push through the various levels of protections and wards. He grunts as he hits a thick wall of magick. “Kaydal” he grunts. He feels her focus more, allowing him to break through temporarily. He can see warehouses and the docks and smell the putrid smell of rotting fish. Before he could take in more, the shield begins to quickly close in on him.

He sends a burst of energy out as the it closes on him, pushing him back to topple onto his cot. He pants as he wraps his arm around his chest, hopeful it was enough. He cannot sense Kaydel anymore but he can hear the heavy footfalls of the guards heading his way. C’mon you fuckers, he thinks as he raises himself up, do your worst.

[stingslikeabee]

gib me kid meme for kaz & mel please lov u k thx bai

send me a pair name and I’ll tell you what I think it would be like if they had a child . accepting

Name: Olivia Hope Drysdell-Miller (Kazuhira insisted that Melissa's name was included; he didn't want to be the only parental reference on Olivia's documents). Gender: Female. General appearance: Much to Kazuhira's delight, she looks like a younger version of Melissa - fair skin, the same honey color of the eyes, full hair (here is where one might notice that Kazuhira's dirty blonde and Melissa's dark chestnut colors mixed, since Olivia's hair is a lighter shade of brown that pairs in a lovely way with her eyes). She grows to be of average height (just a little taller than her mother), not overly curvaceous or owning a voluptuous figure but staying rather on the slender side like a ballerina. Personality: Sweet, innocent and really befitting of her names associated to peace and hope for better, brighter years. Kazuhira did his best to shield Olivia from his own anger and hatred; having a daughter somehow worked beautifully to have him get in touch with his softest side, and the protective and caring nature of his youthful years clearly left a lasting impact in Olivia. She also shows a lot of the nurturing and cheerful disposition of her mother, making her incredibly gentle and compassionate. There is never anyone in the room who doesn't want to hug the girl - she is really too precious. Special talents: A very good listener and supportive individual for as long as both her parents can remember; in a direct opposition to many kids who are often able to talk non-stop, Olivia was always very happy to lend an ear and to counsel others, from her dolls who faced imaginary problems to her own friends and even Kazuhira and Melissa (if she sensed they were struggling with something). Her selfless nature is a weakness that can be exploited, what concerns the former soldier - but he's more focused on protecting her from external threats than forcing her to change. The world needs good people - Kazuhira is honored he was given the chance to contribute to that goal despite everything; it feels like he has been given a second chance by karma. Who they like better: Both! Olivia feels very lucky in relation to her parents - some of her friends have crappy families, but she is just delighted to have been born to a such a loving couple. The way her mother and dad found one another and overcame obstacles by being each other's source of strength (even if it came in the form of a rather forceful push sometimes) fascinates Olivia, and she makes no secret of the fact she wishes to find someone just as nice for herself one day. Who they take after more: Melissa - she is physically and emotionally a small clone of her mother, being very open about her affections, assisting others through their endeavors and finding meaning in not only holding someone close but to do acts of service for them as well. They share many hobbies and similar approaches (with Olivia having inherited Melissa's famous 'hand on the hips' gesture which means that Kazuhira is in trouble when she pulls that one) and if the two ladies of his life join efforts... He is absolutely doomed. He means this fondly, of course. Personal Headcanon: Olivia really likes birds - watching them, hearing them sing, feeding the little ones who come to her. It is an adorable hobby and one that makes the frequent Disney princess allusions even stronger, but the girl really is dedicated to them and has always asked to be gifted with themed books or to be taken on strolls where she could try and spot them. Olivia is very against holding them captive in cages - but she likes to offer fresh fruit and water at their home garden to see them voluntarily come for the food and keep her company. Faceclaim: Nicole Gale Anderson.

[esperantoauthor]

Mid year book freak out tag:

Thank you to @gorgxoxus for tagging me! I wrote most of this a while ago and then saved it to my drafts. Finally circling back to actually finish it!

Best book you’ve read so far in 2022?

Impossible to choose so I'm going with the book I just finished: True Biz: A Novel by Sara Novic

I just finished this yesterday and I loved it so much!! The book explores Deaf culture from a variety of lenses (adults, teenagers, multi-generation Deaf families, brand new to Deaf culture youngsters, hearing parents of Deaf teenagers trying or failing to be supportive and more). More than any other piece of media, this book helped me understand the intense hatred toward cochlear implants that many Deaf people hold. The book weaves Deaf history and digestible bite-sized ASL lessons into a story about a teenage girl's transformative experience of entering a Deaf school after a failed attempt at mainstreaming. The author herself is Deaf and she interviewed many people within the Deaf community in order to due this story justice and it shows.

Best sequel you’ve read so far in 2022:

Probably The Split Worlds Series by Emma Newman. I got the first book for Chanukah 2021 and then immediately bought the next four books in rapid succession January 2022. Just a fantastic fantasy series with great feminist and political themes, morally gray characters, and unique worldbuilding. Each book took me deeper into the world and each book made me realize that previous attempts to solve societal problems had been too surface-level and change could only come from more systemic changes (and this happened in each successive book in a very satisfying way until things were finally solved with some very dramatic uprooting of long ingrained systems).

New release you haven’t read yet, but want to:

None? IDK someone tell me what to read.

Most anticipated release for the second half of the year:

Husband Material by Alexis Hall, which comes out August 2, 2022. I absolutely loved the first one and I can't wait for the sequel. I will probably buy this one since I'll be too impatient to wait to check it out through the library.

Biggest disappointment:

Meet Cute Diary by Emery Lee. I started reading this but ended up abandoning it because it was so focused on characters getting harassed online and I found that too stressful to read about.

Biggest surprise:

This is How You Lose the Time War by Amal El-Mohtar and Max Gladstone. I didn't know a lot about this book other than it came across my radar enough times that I got curious enough to finally read it. This novella about rival time travelling spies writing one another intricately encoded love notes was utterly captivating. Makes me want to co-write an epistolary (@blurglesmurfklaine 👀).

Favourite new author (debut or new to you):

Shaun David Hutchinson. I read one of his books last year but this year I have already two and they were both excellent! I've had the urge to read queer sci-fi lately and his books have definitely scratched that itch!

This year I read: At the Edge of the Universe and This is a Complicated Love Story Set in Space. Both highly recommended!

Newest fictional crush:

No one. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Newest favourite character:

Again, it's so hard to choose! I really enjoyed the main character in Man o' War by Cory McCarthy. They made some terrible and self-destructive decisions, but always for very understandable reasons. I loved seeing their growth over the course of the story.

Book that made you cry:

438 Days by Jonathan Franklin. This true survival story was riveting but the part that made me cry was in the endnotes. The author asked the subject of the book why he wanted to tell his story, even though it was so difficult to relate his harrowing experiences. He said something beautiful about how life is worth living and if his story could inspire even one person to hang in there and keep living life, then it was worth it. Having watched his boating partner struggle with suicidal thoughts and ultimately lose his will to live as well as struggling with them himself later made this very poignant.

Book that made you happy:

The Backstagers Volume 1 & 2. These graphic novels were full of imagination and adventure as the characters explore the fantastical world below the stage at their high school theater. Characters are diverse in a very casual way that I greatly enjoyed. A character got too warm up in the lighting booth and was hanging out in only his binder and shorts. A character was shown wearing hearing aids (or maybe a CI, I forget). Characters are boyfriends. None of this is made a big deal of and it brought me joy.

The most beautiful book cover you’ve bought this year:

Haven't bought any books this year! 100% library check-outs so far. But the most beautiful cover has got to be for Tarnished are the Stars! I just love the color scheme and it matches the clockwork-punk aesthetic of the story perfectly.

What books do you need to read by the end of the year?

I'd love to read The Broken Earth trilogy by EK Jemison. My cousin bought me a copy that has all three books in one (it's enormous!) and now that I'm reading ferociously again I should really get into it! The only problem is that my reading habits revolve around e-books right now.

Besides that, my library holds right now include: -I Kissed Shara Wheeler by Casey McQuiston -Radio Silence by Alice Osman -Solitaire by Alice Osman -The Data Detective by Tim Harford -The House in the Cerulean Sea by TJ Klune -The Seven Husbands of Evelyn Hugo by Taylor Jenkins Reid (as of a few minutes ago, after reading your post Jas)

Tagging: @mytrashunicorn, @kurthummeldeservesbetter, @itstruthtime, @20xbetterthanu, @blangsty-days, @hkvoyage, @heartsmadeofbooks

[tic---tac---toe]

Will Gossamer

First Name: William Kenneth

Last Name: Gossamer

Nickname: Will, Willy, Will-K (only he calls himself that)

Gender: Male

Pronouns: He/Him

Age: 19

Species: Human

Sexual Orientation: Bisexual

Birthday: 10/02/02

Life Story:

William grew up in the home of Fate and Tarrant Gossamer, and wasn't taken care of by his parents. Fate and Tarrant were much more focused on the power Penelope had. Before having the twins, Fate constructed a ritual that could give both of the children the abilities of both an angel and a demon.

The combination of the two abilities could've cause catastrophic damage to the space-time continuum, as well as completely destroying reality itself. Angels and Demons on different layers of reality, and in order to talk to them, it takes a lot of psychological damage to do so. Fate had a feather from an angel and the horn of a devil, which she obtained through unknown means. She had burned the angel's feather and crushed the demons horn, putting both substances into a soup. Fate and Tarrant both ate the soup, hoping to obtained its powers. However, it only caused them violent nightmares and visions from the hellscape and the divine one. While the visions of the divine are often filled with peace, Fate and Tarrant felt immense guilt and self hatred.

When Penelope was born, they interpreted her has the one with the powers of an angel, while assuming Will had the power of the devil. They purposely neglected and gave him little food, because they were in fear that he would grow up extremely powerful. When his sister was separated from his family, Will felt an intense tear in his heart, which caused his heart condition. It seemed that the further away Penelope was from him, the weaker he felt. Around 12 years old, Will was diagnosed with a heart defect, which Fate and Tarrant took extremely seriously. It seemed like this was the first time in his life his parents cared for him, because they didn't have Penny.

He always wondered why he couldn't go with Penny. As he got older, he became more and more loyal to his parents, because Penny wasn't in the picture.

It was when Penelope finally came back to live with him and his parents that triggered his own sense of power. After 10 years without Penelope being there, he felt a little aggravated. The twins never got along and it's apparent when their parents had them separated on purpose. All Will wants is to be loved. He wants everyone to love him, because he saw everyone loving Penelope. He'll do whatever it takes to get that love.

Appearance

Eye Color(s): Blue

Hair Color: Dirty Blonde

Highlights:

Hair Style(s):

Skin tone:

Body type:

Height:

Weight:

About him/her

Personality:

Good Habit(s):

Bad habit(s)

Like(s):

Dislike(s):

Hobbies:

Allergies:

Fear(s):

Strength(s):

Weakness(es):

Special Powers/Abilities:

Weapon(s):

Extra:

Talents and Dreams

Ambition/dream:  

Occupation/Job:

Best Class(es):

Worst Class(es):

Family and Friends

Parent(s):

Sibling(s):

Relative(s):  

Best Friend(s):

Friend(s):

Crush(es):

Pet(s):

Rival(s):

Enemy:

Extra

Scent:

Blood type:

Outfit(s):

Accessories:

Makeup:

Scars:

Tattoo(es):

Jewelry:

Piercing(s):

Theme:

[shilzzzmaybe]

HUM KAHAN KE SACHAY THAY (2021)

[no--envies]

In my opinion, one of the reasons JC went crazy after WWX’s death and started venting his own anger and hatred on every demonic cultivator he met, regardless if they were guilty or innocent, is that he couldn’t stand the fact that he hadn’t managed to deal the killing blow to WWX. After all his effort in leading the siege and using the information he had on the Burial Mounds to plan the action and convince everyone else to follow him, he wasn’t even the one who actually killed WWX. WWX died because one of his cultivation techniques backfired and he was torn to pieces by his own ghost army.

I think JC couldn’t accept this. After everything he had done - and thinking he was justified in hating WWX for all the perceived wrongdoings he believed he was a victim of - WWX had managed to surpass him once again. Nobody was able to kill him, not even him.

We know JC’s reaction in the aftermath of the siege because JGY and XY directly comment on it in the extra focused on them:

Xue Yang, “What about his flute? Can you get me Chenqing?”

Jin GuangYao shrugged, “Not Chenqing. Jiang WanYin took it.”

Xue Yang, “Doesn’t he hate Wei WuXian the most? Why would he need Chenqing? Didn’t you also get that sword of Wei WuXian’s? Give him the sword in exchange for the flute. It’s long since Wei WuXian stopped using his sword, while Suibian sealed itself and nobody can pull it out. What’s the use of keeping a fucking piece of decoration?”

Jin GuangYao, “You really ask me to do the impossible, Young Master Xue. Do you think I haven’t tried? How could anything be that simple. That Jiang WanYin has already gone mad. He still thinks Wei WuXian hasn’t died. If Wei WuXian returned, he might not search for his sword, but he’d definitely come for Chenqing. And so, he would definitely not give up Chenqing. A few more words of mine, and he might blow up.”

Xue Yang sniggered, “A mad dog.”

(Chapter 118, ExR translation)

Whatever JC had tried to achieve by leading the siege, he wasn’t able to achieve it. If the only thing he had wanted was to punish WWX for his deeds, he would have been satisfied with his own role in WWX’s death. I don’t think killing WWX was the only thing he wanted, though. He was probably trying to prove something, to himself and everyone else. He wanted to prove that he could surpass WWX for once, and that WWX had been wrong all along in choosing to put himself at risk to help others instead of listening to him. He wanted WWX to admit it was all his fault.

After a while of silence, Jiang Cheng asked, “You’ll stay like this from now on? Got any plans?”

Wei WuXian, “Not at the moment. None of the group dares go down the mountain. People don’t dare do anything anything to me when I go down the mountain either. It’ll be fine as long as I don’t stir up trouble on my own.”

“On your own?” Jiang Cheng sneered, “Wei WuXian, do you believe that even if you don’t stir up trouble on your own, trouble won’t come and find you? It’s often impossible to save someone, but there are more than thousands of ways to harm someone.”

Wei WuXian replied as he ate, “A man with strength can defeat ten with skill. I don’t care if they have thousands of ways. I’ll kill whoever comes.”

Jiang Cheng spoke in a cool voice, “You never listen to any of my opinions. One day, you’ll come to understand that I’m the one who’s right.”

(Chapter 75, ExR translation)

JC had always tried to convince WWX to abandon his path. Since he couldn’t outshine WWX in any way, he wanted to at least prove he was right in the path he had chosen, that choosing to help others at the expense of oneself ultimately wasn’t worth it. But WWX wasn’t swayed in the least. He kept walking resolutely on his single-plank bridge in the dark, regardless of what anyone else thought.

WWX was aware of JC’s mentality: he knew JC wouldn’t willingly put his own reputation at risk to help him protect Wens if he could avoid it. This was one of the main things that divided them since they were teenagers: their values and outlooks were simply too different, it was only a matter of time before their choices made them take completely diverging paths. WWX was fine anyway, he could take care of himself - this mindset could be seen as too overconfident, but he wasn’t completely wrong. He knew he could protect the Wen remnants even without relying on anyone else, since he managed to do it for two years before everything crumbled at Qiongqi Path.

In the end, Jin Zixun ambushed WWX accusing him of something he hadn’t done, and everything spiraled down so quickly he couldn’t do anything to prevent it, until he lost control of his demonic cultivation and killed Jin Zixuan. The sects’ suspicion towards him turned into open hostility and everyone was immediately ready to consider him an actual threat to them all. After the bloodbath of Nightless City, WWX was labeled as the scourge of the cultivation world, an enemy that should be eliminated to guarantee everyone’s peace and safety.

At first glance, one could think JC was right and WWX was wrong. But if this was really what the novel is trying to tell us, why was JC unable to move on for thirteen years, while WWX was immediately ready to start a new life and leave everything in the past after he was brought back? Even when JC managed to capture WWX and confronted him, WWX didn’t have anything to say to him.

The cup was steaming. Before he had taken a single sip, Jiang Cheng suddenly hurled it at the floor. He lifted the corner of his lip slightly and spoke. “You—you don’t have anything to say to me?”

[...]

“I don’t know what to say to you,” Wei Wuxian replied sincerely.

“So you refuse to repent,” Jiang Cheng said in a low voice.

In their past conversations, they had frequently tried to sarcastically undermine each other. Wei Wuxian thus replied without thinking, “Similarly, you haven’t improved a single ounce either.”

Jiang Cheng’s answering smile was brimming with fury. “Fine. Then let’s see which of us truly hasn’t shown an ounce of improvement.”

(Chapter 24, Fanyiyi translation)

I think this exchange is very interesting: WWX and JC are no longer bickering or teasing each other as they so frequently did in the past. What had once been a complicated relationship with genuine affection beneath it all, now retained only the semblance of it. There’s no more warmth, no more anything worth trying to repair. While JC is still adamant about using WWX as a scapegoat to avoid reflecting on his own mistakes, WWX has long since moved on. He doesn’t even feel resentment towards JC, he just wants to live his new life freely.

JC is an interesting foil for WWX, their interactions show how fundamentally incompatible they are and both of their character arcs highlight one of the main themes of the novel: the importance of letting go of all the grudges and negative feelings and remembering the good things, since only then one can truly be free. This is something WWX knows perfectly well:

Wei WuXian propped his arm on Lil’ Apple’s head, spinning Chenqing in his hand, “My mom said you have to remember the things others do for you, not the things you do for others. Only when people don’t hold so much in their hearts would they finally feel free.��

This was one of the only things he remembered about his parents.

(Chapter 113, ExR translation)

[yurissweettooth]

On Trauma, Alienation, and Yuri Petrov

After the anon I recieved yesterday got me thinking about Yuri's lack of support system as well as had me coming back to this one scene in the Rising where Kotetsu tells Yuri that he could never understand what Barnaby went through. This will be a bit of a ramble so bear with me!

As he's meant to be a foil for Barnaby I feel like most of the attention goes to Barnaby and his trauma when making a comparison between the two (which is fair, he's a main character after all). Because of this some people don't really see the depth behind Yuri and the realism to his trauma. Some have written him off as part of the "abused people become abusers" stereotype or outright dismissed him as some egotistical man child of a villain. I think it's important to take a look at him and how his multiple traumas, and the alienation he faced thereafter, lead him down the path he's on by focusing on his side of the comparison.

To start with, one notable point is that Barnaby is able to reveal his trauma on live television and have the entire city rally around him. His support system and the people who have his back extends further than just the people he knows. 

Yuri, on the other hand, can't reliably even talk to his own mother (the only person he's shown to have any type of connection to) about what he's been through as her responses seem unpredictable. We can make the reasonable assumption that he doesn't have any friends because it states in the translated hero schedules that nobody has his phone number.

As a judge he can't admit to murder, as the son of the most highly regarded and beloved hero he can't speak ill of him (he likely wouldn't be believed anyway), and as someone who is seemingly still full of guilt and questioning his own behavior (no doubt aided by the fact that even his mother, who he was trying to save, doesn't always support him) he can't easily admit to the aftermath either. 

Continuing with the focus on his portrayal in the Rising, I'll point out again (as I did in my response yesterday) that there is a particularly interesting scenario where we get to see the aftermath of the effects of trauma relating to loss of a parent in three people at once. One desperate for revenge and one who has technically gotten his revenge yet didn't feel any better because of it.

"Now wait a moment." You may be saying "Yuri killed his own father so isn't that different than the other two?" and to that I would like to posit that Yuri did have his father taken from him before he ever killed him.

Aside from his hatred of "evil", Yuri also seems to view heroes as immoral, fame driven, and unable to help those in need. I think a lot of this can be tied back to the fact that Yuri lost his father as he knew him the moment the abuse started. 

Child Yuri seemed amazed by his father, right down to the Legend themed outfit. It can be assumed he was a great dad and a great hero at this point. However, that image was shattered when Legend began to drink and abuse his family (as an aside, one of the artbooks confirmed that Yuri was beaten as well). The man he looked up to, the hero, the man who taught him to never let evil go unpunished, was hurting him. It's not difficult to image what that sort of effect dissonance could have on a child.

Legend was staging his arrests and trying desperately to hold on to what he had, putting the anger he felt at losing his position over his duty as a husband and father to be there for his family (I could contrast this with how Kotetsu, in the same situation, uses this time to get closer to his family but that's for another time). He was loved and admired by all with no one any wiser to what happened behind closed doors. 

I think it's because of this that Yuri seems to live his life in opposition to the hero lifestyle. In a way this could almost be seen as a form of revenge seeking against heroes themselves. He's seen what a "hero" can be like and he can no longer trust them to make the right choices or have a genuine desire to help anyone so he takes it into his own hands and has no qualms about airing his spiteful opinions while doing so.

As a side note, in a way I also believe that his decision to kill those that are evil is, in part, a form of reassurance to himself that he's not wrong for what he did to his own father. We kind of get a hint of that in the scene where he's hallucinating and yells at his father's apparition after having his actions questioned by him.

To return to the main point, Yuri isn't really given the opportunities the others had to change their ways and heal. There was no one there to stop him from going down the wrong path. Barnaby tells Virgil that he's not out to save Schneider, he's out to save Virgil himself. Barnaby also says how Kotetsu was able to be there for him and that, had it not been for him, he wouldn't even have been standing there today and would have gone down the wrong path himself. 

I often see people discuss what Yuri might have been like had he never been abused or killed his father but I think a more interesting thing to consider is what he could have been like had he had someone on his side when he really needed it, if he didn't live in a world that would likely turn on him if he spoke against the most well-known celebrity hero (I would imagine that, much like in our real world, if an abuse victim spoke out against a celebrity they'd be shamed and called a liar), if there had been someone there to set him straight before his pain and twisted morals consumed him.

Even as we see him in the show I don't think he's a bad man. He does terrible things, yes, but he does them out of a desire to save people, to help others, to prevent more suffering. It annoys me to see him portrayed as some childish villain just stupidly killing for the sake of it. He's misguided, yes, but there's a method to his madness.

I guess the main point is that, regardless of how Kotetsu meant it, I feel sad thinking about Yuri stating his views on how to heal from the past only to be told that he "Doesn't know the first thing about what [Barnaby's] been through". Yuri does know pain, loss, and betrayal quite well which is how he came to those conclusions in the first place, he just hasn't been in a situation that's allowed him to admit and process that.

[thisisarcanereverie]

Should’ve Known Chapter 12

A/N: I hope you like it!

DISCLAIMER: I don’t own Wanda or Steve they are owned by Marvel, I don’t own the gif either.

WARNINGS:Angst, Swearing, the stages of grief, loss, dark themes, 18 + from here on out.

WORDS : 3,620

SUMMARY: You and Wanda figure out how to heal and mend after Westview, together. 

In case you missed last chapter

series masterlist

ULTIMATE MASTERLIST

In the end it was you who drove both of you out of Westview. You stopped to talk to Monica for a second, apparently Peter had made himself scarce but left you and Monica a business card in case you ever needed him again. 

You heard about Charles Xavier’s School for Gifted Youngsters before. 

Wanda held your hand for the majority of the ride. Which was mostly silent, up until you were nearly to New York did she break the silence. 

“How long have you known?”

“I only found out that day we went to Westview.” You explained. There was another moment of silence before Wanda spoke again. 

“I don’t expect you to forgive me for what I’ve done,” Wanda said sorrow and regret bleeding into her tone, “I’m sorry, I promised you I would never screw with your mind again and I did exactly that.” Wanda attempted to take back her hand when you tightened your hold on it. Wanda’s eyes widened as she finally gathered enough courage to look at you. Your eyes were focused on the road but she could see the sincerity in your eyes. 

“I forgive you,” You say firmly and honestly. There was an entire town that was unwilling to forgive her, and you weren’t about to add another to that list. “If I’m being honest, I’m more mad that when I tried to pull you back you pushed me away.” 

“I’m sorry.” Wanda apologized. 

There was another pause before Wanda spoke again. 

“When we get home I’ll grab my things and leave my copy of the key on the table. I won’t take long.” 

Right then and there you pulled over the side of the road, just when Wanda was about to question you she caught your eyes. Those wonderful (e/c) eyes that she’s come to love and adore. She saw the tears bleeding through and felt herself curl in self hatred for putting those tears there. 

She suddenly felt a force and felt your arms around her, securing her to you firmly. 

“The last thing you need is to be alone.” 

Memories of the funeral come rushing back to her, the amount of grief you both shared, how you both found comfort in one another. Memories of all the moments she shared with you come crashing at her and suddenly she’s holding onto you just as tight with tears streaking down her face. 

She remembers something Vision told her before their goodbye. 

“Love her well Wanda, I wouldn’t trust anyone else more to love you than her.” 

Wanda understood what he meant, he gave her permission to move on. To love (Y/n), and to let herself be loved as well. 

Because maybe a small part of her that was still Wanda Maximoff, Sokovian orphan, deserved to be loved. 

Maybe. 

But the small swelling of your stomach reminds her that right now she should be the least of your worries. 

She pulls back and dries her eyes. 

“Are you going to keep it?” She asked. 

“Yeah,” You say, “Yeah I am.”

“It’s not safe to raise a kid in a city like New York,” You continue grabbing her hand as you put the car in drive and pull onto the road again, “I’m thinking about maybe we can find somewhere seclusive with a big yard. So that way you can practice your magic and the kid can have a yard to play in.” 

Wanda looked at you as you casually planned where to move to, with her. 

“You want me to come?”

“Steve’s gone and I never really had a parental figure to look up to...you’re all I have, and the last thing either us needs right now is to be alone.” You explain, your thumb gently massaging the back of her hand. Wanda could feel her heart pounding against her chest as you say those words. In many ways you were all she had as well. 

“I don’t understand this power....but I will.” Wanda promised you as you finally made your way back to that small apartment you shared. 

-

-

-

Months fly by and Wanda found a family sized cottage in the countryside of Scotland. It was far away from people and the most ideal place with lots of space for the kid to play and for you to grow that garden you’ve always wanted to grow and for Wanda to practice her magic without hurting anyone. 

When the problem of citizenship came, Fury stepped in and hurried the process along. “the faster you’re out of my hair and in a place where I can find you the better” he said. 

By the time you were 5 months you and Wanda settled into that cottage and had a garden going. 

You spent your days tending to the garden where you planted some reliable crops like potatoes, lettuce, beetroot, and carrots. You even planted a few apple trees and had over a dozen raspberry bushes planted as well considering that what you were mostly craving was raspberries. Wanda helped you plant and tend to the garden as the months went by and the swelling of your stomach was quickly becoming a hindrance. 

Once a month you and Wanda would drive into town to grab a few supplies like meat or perishables that can be stored for winter. Overall it was simple living and you both quickly fell into routine. 

Wanda would always wake up before you, so by the time you woke up and came downstairs Wanda had already made breakfast and tea. You both would eat and chat and drink tea before going back to your rooms to get dressed for the day. After you tend to the garden (with a little help from Wanda) you come back inside and shower. After you shower you get dinner ready, by the time you’re done Wanda is usually ready to take a small break from her training to eat and chat with you a little. Whenever she works a little too hard you make her take the night off to watch Doctor Who with you or some Disney movie. After that you would go to bed and start again in the morning. 

Once every few weeks Doctor Strange would come over to check in and update you on the baby. It didn’t take much convincing to get him to be your doctor during the pregnancy. He claimed it was because his medical talents were wasting away at the Sanctum. 

“(Y/n), Strange will be here any minute.” Wanda reminded you, without Wanda you probably would be having a mental breakdown by now with all of the nursery planning and trying to stock up on supplies that you would need once the baby was here. 

“I’m coming Wands,” You assured as you made your way downstairs wearing an old t-shirt and sweatpants. Wanda was in a regular shirt and jeans and had her red hair tied in a ponytail. 

“I feel like a fat cow.”

“You don’t look like a fat cow,” Wanda said. Wanda could tell (Y/n) how beautiful she looked to her. How her skin seemed to glow at sunrise and sunset and made her look otherworldly. How gentle her features had become. Don’t even get Wanda started on your larger breasts and ass. She had to constantly stop herself from staring too long. 

Before you could respond you heard the familiar whooshing of your favorite Sorcerer creating a portal in your living room. 

“Stephan I told you not to portal in the living room.” You scolded the man as he quickly removed the furniture from your living room and replaced it with the necessary medical equipment for an ultrasound. 

“Why not?”

“Because there’s a door for a reason.” 

“What is a door if not a portal to another room.”

“That car accident is going to look like a daydream if you don’t shut up.” You warned. Another aspect of pregnancy was your quick temper, you usually were calm and mellow most of the time. However, ever since getting pregnant your emotions have been getting out of hand. What used to make you happy now made you sad, when you usually were calm now you were furious. However it wasn’t always like that but sometimes the hormones become too much. 

Stephan quietly made his way about the room and got things set up for the ultrasound. Wanda helped you lay down on the examination table and held your hand. Brushing her thumb on the back of your hand. 

Wanda was there through every appointment you had with Strange. Insisting that she should be right there holding your hand or at least someone should. At first there was tension between the witch and the sorcerer, but it dissolved somewhat between these past few months of regular visits. 

You lifted the shirt over your stomach and Stephan squeezed the cold jelly on your skin causing you to wince slightly before getting used to it. He continued to read the ultrasound, at first everything seemed normal. However his eyes narrowed and became concerned, panic grasped your heart. 

“What’s wrong?” You questioned, worried that something had happened. 

“Looks like someone was hiding,” he muttered before turning to you, “congrats it looks like someone’s having twins.”

It took you a moment to process what he said before your eyes widened. 

“what?” you asked in disbelief...twins...

“Indeed,” Stephan confirmed, “Sometimes a fetus can hide behind their other twin for a while or hide behind something else and the ultrasound can’t pick it up. So a twin can go undetected and that seems to be what happened.”

As you were processing this he continued. 

“You’re far along enough now that I can reveal the sex’s if you want to know?” Stephan offered. You had talked about it with Wanda and decided that it would be easier to know in the long run so that way you can decorate the nursery a certain way and get names picked out. 

“Yes we want to know.” You confirmed. Another moment passed before Stephan turned to you again. 

“Well it looks like you got lucky, you got both a boy and a girl.” 

A boy and a girl. 

You looked at Wanda whose eyes were now glazed over in tears. She squeezed your hand tightly, nails slightly biting into your skin but you paid no mind. 

You and Strange talked more before he finally made his departure. Wanda was on the couch staring off in the distance, you could tell she was reliving the years she had with Pietro.

Wanda felt you gently sit down next to her and wrap and arm around her shoulders. 

“You ok there Wands?” 

“I’m fine,” Wanda assured, taking a deep breath before turning her gaze to you, “I’m just thinking about Pietro.” Wanda smiled before placing her hands on your baby bump, (she was the only person you allowed to do that without warning you first, Strange was no exception) Wanda dropped to her knees in front of you and began to talk to the babies in Sokovian. 

“Я клянусь защищать вас, младенцы, от тех, кто причиняет вам вред” Wanda whispered. “Берегите друг друга” Wanda continued to whisper to them, “Вы будете нуждаться друг в друге больше, чем можете себе представить.“ (translation: “I promise to protect you from those who would harm you” “Take care of each other” “You will need each other more than you will ever realize.”) 

“Wanda the twins are going to know more Sokovian than English when they’re born at this rate.” You teased, but you could see the tears well up in her eyes as she gently touched your bump. 

A boy and a girl. 

“Wanda, I need to tell you something.” You say suddenly. You pat the seat next to you, you couldn’t back down this time. You wanted her to know. 

Wanda got up from the ground and sat next to you. Her eyes scanned you to see if anything was wrong, if she had overstepped or something. But your eyes assured her it wasn’t. 

“Wanda I think it’s time you know about my past, “ You said, “it’s not a happy one as you’ve gathered but it’s a long one.” 

“Are you sure?” Wanda asked, holding your hand. You looked at Wanda and placed a gentle kiss on her knuckles. 

“There’s no one I would rather tell.”

*GRAPHIC SCENES AHEAD THIS IS A TRIGGER WARNING DO NOT READ IF UNDER 18 (honestly if you’re under 18 you shouldn’t be reading this to begin with) OR ARE TRIGGERED BY ABUSE AND TORMENT*  

“My parents were biochemists and engineers. Their life’s work was dedicated to furthering humanity. They loved each other so deeply and when they had their first child, they had been over the moon. They had a boy, and by the time he was two he was diagnosed with stage 2 leukemia... My parents went to extremes to cure him. Without anyone’s permission or knowledge they went behind the doctors back and had a test tube baby and performed their own operations on their kids. I was the second test tube baby they had. All together they had 7. They developed a machine that allowed the fetus to grow outside the womb and would be a perfect donor for their child that they loved. The rest of us were discarded or taken apart piece by piece until there was nothing left for us to live on. It was a slaughter house. Everyday I would wake up and wonder if today would be the day that I died. Without ever having seen the sun, or the sky, heard the hustle and bustle of the city, or feel grass beneath my feet. I spent my first twelve years of life being stuffed with chemicals and opened up and had stuff forcibly taken from me. Then one day they decided to test drugs on us, see what could heal us and see if it could heal their son. We were all expandable but enough of us needed to be left alive to cast their son needed an emergency organ donor. They developed a drug called Remedium. They called it the cure to all of humanity's physical imperfections and shortcomings. They forced it down mine, three’s, and five’s throats everyday for a year. Three died after 6 months. Meanwhile five and I showed no symptoms, they could see with our blood tests that it was affecting the blood. But it was affecting it in a way that hadn’t been documented before then. They got desperate enough to ask HYDRA for assistance. After a few deals with HYDRA, my parents had a full team behind them, experimenting on us, stuffing Remedium down our gullets instead of food or water. Through it all I still had Five, or as he called himself, Johnny. he was my rock, he would tell me about all the things we were going to do once we got out of there.  The first thing he wanted to do was go to a baseball game. He always said that no one cried at baseball games. After a year and a half of working with HYDRA their son had died. In their grief and knowing that for the past 13 years their hard work meant nothing. They chucked fuck all to the wind and gave SHIELD valueable intel in exchange for full immunity for their crimes. To ensure their immunity they burned all evidence of their crimes in their labs. I heard each one of my siblings scream in agony and watched as the flames burned Johnny until I couldn’t recognize him anymore.... He was only 8 years old... It took all my anger and hurt and pain but the Remedium kicked in. It activated enzymes in my blood which lead to enhanced hearing, sight, speed, and strength. They had accidentally created the first working super soldier serum since Erskine and they injected it and fed it repeatedly to a thirteen year old girl. I broke myself out of those restraints and walked through the flames of the lab to the hallway where the fire hadn’t caught yet. Apparently HYDRA caught wind of their betrayal and sent the Winter Soldier. Because both of my parents were dead, they had been shot and bled to death holding each other's hands in the hallway not even ten steps from the door. I remember hating them then more than ever before. I walked over their bodies and I immediately was met with Agent Barton and the new Agent Romanoff. The rest is history.`` 

There was a very long silence after, that kind of trauma hadn’t healed despite the years that went by. If you focused on it you could still feel flames lick at your bare feet, smell the burning flesh and blood that suffocated you. You moved past asking why although you would always wonder why they couldn’t just love you. What had been so special about their first born, other than he had been born first. 

Now there you were, the impossible growing inside you but you were worried. You knew what a life in the shadows was like and you never wanted that for them. You were worried that one day they may resent you for not holding onto their dad hard enough. You were worried that you weren’t going to be enough. 

You looked over, expecting her to look at you like a monster. Instead she found Wanda looking at her with an intensity she had never seen before. Her eyes held a silent fury that startled you, you knew it wasn’t directed at you but at your parents. But they also held amazement and sadness. 

“I’m so sorry (Y/n),” Wanda apologized, “I didn’t know you went through that.”

“Fury owed me big time so I asked him to burn any and all reports of that mission. I guess he only did that to the physical copies considering Vision read my file. Natasha promised me she would never speak a word to anyone, and Tony was sworn to secrecy. I told Steve because I loved him and I trusted him.” You said. You had to look away from Wanda before the tears fell. 

“Wanda if you need me to leave after telling you that I understan-” 

You were cut off by arms wrapping themselves around you. You had expected her to be angry, or to be awkward. But you weren’t expecting her to hug you like you were precious. 

“I will never willingly leave you.” Wanda promised. You both knew that people leave, whether it’s by choice or not, so instead of promising you that she would never leave. She promised that she would fight to stay by your side. 

You don’t know when you started crying, you silently wonder when you started openly crying like this. 

When you had told Steve he had been angry, not at you but at the fact that HYDRA had hurt yet another person he cared about. 

Tony had been awkward at first, not really knowing what to say about it. 

Natasha had a rough childhood as well, growing up in the Red Room. She immediately became your unofficial big sister. She became protective of you, to the point where when she found out you and Steve were a thing she promised him that she knew a thousand and one ways to kill a super soldier. 

But Wanda, she is the first one to have heard what happened, and to have just hugged you. Promising you that she would fight to stay by your side. 

The scars of what happened had faded, but they were still there, and they likely would be until you died. 

You wiped the tears from your eyes and pulled away. For a long moment you didn’t move, you just took in her face and her presence. Her green eyes were gentle and held no fear or pity. A few stray red hairs framed her face, your eyes at some point travelled to her lips. They were a soft pink and you couldn’t help but want to know if they had been soft as well. 

You don’t know who had leaned in first, but the next thing you knew you felt her lips collide with yours gently, almost experimentally. You could taste the green tea with honey that she had been drinking on her lips, your heart began to race and your face flushed. You felt like a million fireworks had exploded and her hands went to cradle your face, drawing you closer. Your hands rested on her waist. 

When you eventually pulled away you both were out of breath, hearts racing and relishing in the fireworks afterglow. 

“I’m sorry,” you began to apologize, “I’m sorry if I made you uncomfort-”

You were cut off by the same green tea and honeyed lips that you had just kissed. This time the kiss was firmer, more sure and god those fireworks. electricity crackled underneath your skin. 

“You could never make me uncomfortable.” Wanda assured, her voice breathless as she pulled away. 

“So where does this leave us?” You asked, unsure of where your relationship with Wanda lay. Wanda wordlessly took your hand and gently kissed your knuckles. Her green eyes never leaving yours, and a mischievous smile rested on her now rosey pink and kiss plumped lips. 

“I believe Солнечный свет, this means Saturday. Instead of watching a movie at home, I make us a candlelit dinner.” Wanda flirted.”Unless you would rather us watch a movie in our pajamas again?”

“I believe I’m down for anything as long as I get to kiss you again.” 

You and Wanda laugh as you both plan for Saturday’s Date Night.

[the-blue-fairie]

On the Subject of Aporia

I guess I disagree with the notion that Show Yourself is Let it Go done “the right way.”

Much can be made of the fact that, in Let it Go, Elsa doesn’t truly work through her issues. But the thing is... she doesn’t really work through her issues in Show Yourself either. She doesn’t confront the roots of her trauma. She isn’t able to meditate on the roots of her trauma. She doesn’t get true catharsis and she doesn’t get true relief. In fact, Show Yourself goes some ways to sweep the roots of Elsa’s trauma under the rug.

And here I have to discuss how Frozen 2 frames Agnarr and Iduna. Because Frozen 2 never dwells upon the part Agnarr and Iduna played in Elsa’s trauma. It idealizes them, ignoring the fact that they were the ones to initiate the separation of the sisters in the first place, they were the ones who taught Elsa that she had to hide.

In the past, I’ve seen people put the blame on Elsa for the separation - saying that her fear after the accident instigated it and pointing to the fact that Elsa herself continues the separation after her parents’ death.

This reading is disingenuous, to say the least. While the accident scarred Elsa as a child, the separation (which was instigated by her parents, with the affirmation and complicity of the trolls) was what cemented the self-hatred in her heart. Elsa continued the separation after her parents’ death because she learned it well throughout her childhood.

I don’t like the fact that certain people place the blame for the childhood separation on Elsa, who was a terrified child at the time. A terrified child listening to the adults around her, adults in positions of authority. Adults who chose to close the gates, reduce the staff, limit her contact with people, and keep her powers secret from everyone, including Anna.

You can’t blame a child in an extreme situation the same as you blame an adult - but I’ve seen people in the fandom do it - and it frustrates me.

And again, as I’ve always said, Agnarr and Iduna are in an extreme situation too - and they are working under the guidance of the trolls. Agnarr and Iduna are good people - but their choices still contributed to their daughters’ pain.

And neither the films nor the shorts show the sisters processing their parents’ actions and how those actions hurt them.

Not even Dangerous Secrets does that - because Dangerous Secrets focuses on Iduna’s and Agnarr’s perspective. It’s not about the sisters processing what their parents did to them.

And again, “processing” doesn’t mean “condemnation.” I’m not advocating that the sisters condemn or hate their parents. Processing can also mean realizing that their parents were in a painful situation and forgiving them, accepting what happened.

But neither the films, nor the shorts, nor Dangerous Secrets do any of that. Even though coming to terms with the past is a key theme in Frozen 2 and a theme that centers on Agnarr and Iduna, Frozen 2 ignores their part in the childhood separation altogether.

It could have brought it up and, in bringing it up, it could have beautifully paralleled Iduna having to hide being Northuldra with Elsa having to hide her powers. It could have the sisters, as they are forced to make tough choices, sympathize with the tough choices their parents had to make. It could have truly confronted the roots of Elsa’s trauma by referencing the separation when Elsa meets her mother in Ahtohallan, giving the scene greater emotional weight. Or, the film could have highlighted that the True Evil comes from people like Runeard - whose fear causes him to kill, whereas Iduna and Agnarr’s fear for their children’s safety caused them to try and protect, even in an imperfect way.

The possibilities that present themselves are limitless - but only if Frozen 2 had the courage to address Agnarr’s and Iduna’s part in the childhood separation - and it didn’t. It had multiple opportunities to. It simply made the deliberate choice not to do so - to brush those actions essentially under the rug.

It’s like the movie thinks that, if it references Agnarr and Iduna’s part in the separation, that will make Agnarr and Iduna seem bad. But actually, the opposite would be true. If the film directly addressed Agnarr’s and Iduna’s part in the separation, they would become even more sympathetic because viewers would get a clearer understanding of what they were going through and see clearly how they were good people. On top of that, both Elsa and Anna could get a chance at true closure with them.

But the film goes out of its way not to bring that topic up. Even when Olaf recaps the first film, it’s like this: “[as Elsa] Anna, no too high! Blast! [as Anna] Ohhh! [as Elsa] Mama Papa Help! Slam, doors shutting everywhere, sisters torn apart. Well, at least they have their parents. [beat] Their parents are dead.”  “Doors shutting everywhere” and “sisters torn apart” describes the event passively. It’s just “something that happened.” The problem is, within the context of the first film, it’s not just “something that happened.” It’s something that happened as a direct result of the trolls’ choices and Agnarr’s and Iduna’s choices. And I stress their choices over Elsa’s because she was a child in this situation and they are the adults in authority. 

Thus, in a film that’s supposedly all about coming to terms with the mistakes of the past, a film where Agnarr and Iduna play a crucial role, this aspect of the past is actively ignored. Even though not ignoring this aspect of the past would enrich both films and clarify things more fully for people who are on the fence about Agnarr and Iduna (also, hopefully it could address the trolls’ part in all this, because no piece of Frozen media even begins to grapple with the trolls’ part in all this.)

And I know you might say, “Well, Dangerous Secrets addresses the parents’ part in the children’s separation!” And that’s good that it does so. But that still doesn’t get to my central point: that no piece of Frozen media shows Elsa and Anna coming to terms with what their parents and the trolls did to them, and how that influenced Elsa’s actions in the future. 

Now, some people have argued that the films and shorts do address the sisters coming to terms with what their parents did to them, because through their parents’ portrayal in OFA and F2 it is implicitly suggested that Elsa and Anna have no ill feelings towards their parents.

But I’ve addressed this before in the past:

“Having ‘no ill feelings’ is the culmination of an emotional journey that we don’t get to see. We get to see the sisters dealing with the emotional ramifications of their childhoods and what it means for themselves, yes. We get to see them reconnect during Frozen Fever. But we don’t get to see them processing feelings for their parents (and the trolls) that must be complicated for them.

And saying that emotional journey is implicit or is addressed subtly because we see that the sisters bear their parents no ill will... I’m sorry, but that just isn’t good enough for me. The sisters bearing their parents no ill will is an endpoint. It’s not the emotional journey itself. We don’t get to SEE that journey addressed directly. We just have to be content with... implication.”

And the fact we just have to be content with implication when Frozen 2 is so much about the sisters’ relationship with their parents and Frozen 2 offers every chance to go beyond implication is... troubling to me.

It’s more than just an oversight on F2′s part. It’s a deliberate choice.

And it weakens the emotional impact of Show Yourself.

Show Yourself is framed as Elsa gaining closure regarding her mother, her trauma, her sense of self. But, regardless of that framing, it... doesn’t exactly give Elsa that closure.

Because Frozen media, outside of Dangerous Secrets, seems bent on glossing over the part Elsa’s and Anna’s parents and the trolls had in the sisters’ traumas in childhood. Because Frozen media doesn’t give the sisters a chance to talk together or reflect together on their parents’ and the trolls’ actions and come to terms with them. Even Dangerous Secrets, which does better in exploring the nuances and complexities of Agnarr and Iduna, can’t do that because the book is telling the parents’ story, not Elsa’s and Anna’s.

So parts of Show Yourself feel like... going through the motions of catharsis with no actual catharsis - because there are still open wounds that Show Yourself doesn’t even try to heal because the film won’t openly admit they exist. Because, as with Let it Go before it, there is still work to be done.

But at least Let it Go let Elsa be frustrated with her parents’ poor choices. At least it allowed Elsa to repudiate the strictures placed upon her:

Don't let them in, don't let them see Be the good girl you always have to be Conceal, don't feel, don't let them know Well, now they know 

There’s more reflection on her parents’ part in her pain in those few lines than in the whole of Frozen 2 - even though much of Frozen 2 is directly about her parents.

I’ve seen people describe the transition from Let it Go to Show Yourself as a transition from reckless defiance to acceptance and peace... but this framing doesn’t work with the film’s portrayal of Elsa’s relationship with Iduna. Because for that framing to work, we’d actually have to see Elsa’s transition towards acceptance of her mother’s actions. We’d actually have to see the emotional process of Elsa making peace with her parents’ choices.

And we don’t.

And that’s tragic because, especially with the backstory Frozen 2 gives Iduna, there’s so much you could have done with Elsa’s relationship with her mother. So many parallels Elsa herself could have made as we see her truly going through the process of healing.

(Also, this last note isn’t related to Let it Go or Show Yourself, but, How does Anna feel about the trolls modifying her memories in childhood? I’m sure it has come up in the intervening years in-universe, but we’ve never seen it addressed... and that speaks to the larger issue I’ve been discussing.)

EDIT: Kristanna and Greatqueenanna have informed me that Anna’s missing memories are the subject of Memory and Magic, the second book in the Sisterhood is the Strongest Magic series - and, while I’m glad of that, I still am a bit bummed that they are relegated to an obscure book that not everyone will read and may be of dubious canonicity at this point instead of being addressed in the feature film that centers on addressing the past and coming to terms with it. While Dangerous Secrets is much more high-profile, I have similar reservations about it as well - because not as many people are going to find it as find Frozen 2. Moreover, Dangerous Secrets is meant to be a supplement to Frozen 2 and it doesn’t focus on Elsa’s and Anna’s emotional journey regarding their parents. I guess Frozen 2 is supposed to be that emotional journey in a way, but because Frozen 2 refuses to touch the childhood separation and Agnarr’s and Iduna’s accountability for it, that leaves a... gap in the text... so that the emotional journey feels incomplete.   

[warm-like-autumn]

Little Witch academia theories

Since now there's the possibility of an upcoming Lwa season I thought it was the perfect time to share this theory I've had for a long time, along with what I think the upcoming season could be about, possible episode ideas and… maybe future villains. And as I’m rewatching this show , I developed this theory that I had for a long time and even came up with ideas for the new season and what it could be about.Let's speculate!!

My main theory is about Croix Meridies and how she could possibly be related to the Hanbridge family.

This might be me over analysing things, but after seeing someone on Tumblr point out to how similar Andrew and Croix's eyes are, I believe they are connected in some way, but the creators didn't have time to develop on that. Especially in how in ep 24, there was put a strong emphasis on both of their eyes. In a scene that was supposed to parallel their reactions.Especially in a show like Lwa, where all the important characters have unique eye shapes that match their personality, having two important characters have the same eye shape and the same eye color raises some questions.

And this is not the only evidence I have to Croix being related to the Hanbridge family. In episode 19, Andrew even states that him and Diana are sort of related. And now on to the Paul Hanbridge part, it would be weird for a man who claims to dislike magic so much to be related to witches. So, what if his wife was a witch, because I think there's a reason we never saw Andrew's mother, and even though we don't see all of the characters parents and flashback moments in this show, Andrew's backstory seems to be pretty important and his father is always present throughout the story.

And for a father that is so strict it raises some questions that his mother is absent. So what if his mother is… dead, and what if her death had to do something with witchcraft, possibly being a reason why Paul hates witchcraft and forced his son to have the same opinions , thinking magic is a dead practice, and his hatred seems too personal to be political in the first place.

Another interesting factor is how Paul's hatred for witches seems to be different from Blackwell's hatred for witches. Whereas Paul's reasons are more justified since he hates the art, not the artist and thinks magic and witches are outdated and have no place in the modern age, Blackwell holds this opinion out of pure bigotry.

And as much as he hates witches, Paul still tries to keep a good relation with them, even if trying to "keep his enemies in debt"

as he says in ep 6 and he seems to have had a good relation with witches and Luna Nova for a long time. So something must have happened along the way for him to hate witches and that something may involve… his wife. What if witches or witchcraft were involved in his wife's death.

And this gets us to the important part of the theory, Croix and how she could possibly be Paul's daughter. What if Andrew isn't the only child Paul has, and this theory is plausible since Croix is around 28 years old,(she graduated in 2007, the anime takes place somewhere around 2017)

and Paul seems to be around his middle or late 50s, basically old enough to be her father. Another piece of evidence I have to that is how there not anything known about Croix's past before she joined Luna Nova, and despite her achievements and the fact that she was described as a "magic prodigy" she was also described as timid and reserved during high-school days, and back then she wasn't as confident and over the top villainous as she is today, her stance being much more distant and reserved, compared to Chariot, who was much more extroverted, even a bit of a show of, always surrounded by people.

She seemed as if she was hiding from something… or someone. What if Croix ran away from home in order to pursue witchcraft, since Paul could have been just as strict about witchcraft to her as he is to Andrew.

And it would make Andrew and Paul's connection to the Chariot and Croix storyline deeper and better, since even the magic shop owner was more relevant to the plot than those two at this point, and they acted as spectators in the second half of the story. Another interesting factor is how Paul constantly says that magic is dead ,obsolete and not necessarily in modern times, while Croix's main motivation is to prove that this exact thing is wrong and that magic is still useful by fusing it with science. And think about it for a second, the damage Croix's monsters did, how Croix fueling the protests for her experiments almost sparked into ww3, all of these things affect the government, which Paul is a part of. Her villain plan might have also been a revenge plan at her father, for being an awful parental figure.

On top of that, neither Andrew or Paul ever directly interacted with Croix or even saw her, and all of the important characters saw Croix and interacted with her, except those two. And at the end of episode 25, right after Croix was arrested and left the scene, Andrew appeared, almost as if the creators didn't want the two characters to interact just yet.

And knowing that Andrew and Diana are cousins, this would also make Croix be part of the Cavendish family, Meridies being possibly a fake name she took to distance herself from both of the well known powerful families. Andrew and Diana often parallel each other in the show, and Croix and her relationship to Chariot is also supposed to be a foil to Akko and her relationship with Diana. Therefore Andrew and Croix were supposed to be a foil to each other, Croix kind of showing Andrew what can happen if he quietly held a grudge against his father and not standing up to him at the right time for two long until he eventually could snap and do the same thing as Croix. Her story of being misunderstood,missguided, filled with jealousy could serve as a cautionary tail.

And Croix being Paul’s daughter would also make sense given her overambitious personality and her constant need of validation from others , including Profesor Woodward and desire to be on top.All of these factors could have easily shaped her into the sort of person that despite having good intentions doesn't have the best ways of achieving them , often putting others in danger to do so.Her being Paul’s daughter would also make sense of why she is jealous of Chariot , since Chariot not only has the shiny rod , but also support from others and appreciation .

A reason my theory could work is how Andrew was originally supposed to be Akko’s love interest , but the creator of the show , Yoh Yoshinari scrapped that sconcept at the request of staff and voice actor , he ended up making Akko a “girl who’s not interested in boys” , so Andrew needed a new purpose in the story , and maybe him discovering Croix is his sister and potentially also becoming a wizard could be those purposes , since they already been kinda set up.

But this theory also raises some questions .How did Andrew’s mother die?Is Andrew a wizard?Did he know he had an older sister? These could be interesting themes to explore in the potential upcoming season .Other things that would be cool to see in this potential season what happened after the missile, Croix redemption arc, my theory becoming cannon and Croix and Chariot having to deal with the mistakes they made, how Akko feels about all of these, and more stuff with the nine new witches, are they considered like superheroes, are they famous now??

Now , onto what the upcoming season could potentially be about :

- As I stated in my theory , Croix and Andrew having to deal with the fact that they are siblings

-Croix redemption arc , maybe more development with her relationship with Ursula/Chariot

-Maybe another episode focused on nightfall , maybe Akko using a spell to make the Nightfall characters real for Lotte’s birthday.

-More flashbacks about Chariot and Croix’s years as Luna Nova students

-Lore behind the golden age of magic and the nine new witches

-New villains

-Return of the shiny rod , but in a unique way

-Maybe the stories could deal with Arthurian Mythos via Appleton Academy

-Male Wizards , maybe more episodes with Andrew and Frank

-More action scenes and serious moments

-The preparation for the spring festival mentioned at the end of episode 25

-More references to other pieces of media (maybe more kingsman , marvel and star wars references as well…)

I should go in depth with some of these aspects :

1.For example , even after episode 25 showed everyone cheering for the 7 witches,they were happy and cheering because otherwise the missile would have killed everyone.They now are happy that they are saved by the witches , and possibly entering a new age of magic , but what if somehow , it is discover that it was because of Croix’s magic that the missile attack almost happened in the first place.How would they react knowing a single witch was capable of such a feast.Especially how would the politicians react.Because at the end of episode 25,Paul was willing to learn more about Andrew’s opinions about witchcraft and even be open to it .But maybe after he finds out the truth about the missile attack,his hatred for witchcraft is even more reinforced , maybe ruining all the progress Andrew has been trying to make in teaching his father about magic ,for him to hate it even more now.Maybe it would even push him to become a villain in the show.

2.Another idea for a villain in the upcoming season I theorize about is Daryl , Diana’s aunt , even though she was kinda redeemed by the end of the season , she is a strange figure , possibly using dark magic , maybe after Diana became head of the Cavendish family , Daryl does not agree with some of Diana’s ways of improving the Cavendish family title and returns to villany , maybe serving as a possible introduction to dark magic (Like she literally can go through walls and has a snake as a pet AND HER EYES GLOW RED)

3.After rewatching episode 17 (Amanda O’Neill and the holy grail) I came up with this silly idea for a plotline , what if that episode wasn't just about an epic fight scene and showing us Croix’s first experiment test , but set up something even more interesting.Even if the title of the episode is a reference to “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” , in the Arturian legend of the holy grail it is Galahad the knight who is chosen to find the Holy Grail. Galahad, in both the Lancelot-Grail cycle and in Malory's retelling, is exalted above all the other knights: he is the one worthy enough to have the Holy Grail revealed to him and to be taken into Heaven , so Galahad is the one to have found the holy grail.And for a first test , Croix’s monster worked quite well , and we also know in Lwa , spirits and ghosts exist and they tend to attach themselves to objects.And if Croix’s pixels were in the grail before Louis broke it , why didn't they start working yet.My theory is that Galahad’s ghost was attached to the Holy Grail and the cubes only powered the ghost up , making it able to separate form the grail ,but decided to stay still until Louis broke the grail , pissing the ghost of Galahad off and thus punishing Louis by possessing a nearby knight armor along with Blackwell himself, combining both into a violent berserker.After Amanda destroyed the armor she could’ve weakened the ghost of Galahad , thus everything instantly went back to normal , but what if the ghost started regaining strength , adjusting to life not being attached to the grail , but planning to stroke again , to punish Louis and the other students of Appleton for ruining the reputation of the school with their hatred for witches .Appleton academy could possibly have lore connected to Arthurian legend to it , with how much they hold the importance of tradition , duels , and gentleman like behaviour , almost knight-like.Maybe the next season could have a plotline that involves stopping the Ghost of Galahad.

4.Last but not least , even after the shiny rod vanished in episode 25 , i think there is a way for it to return without ruining the impact it had in the show. There are seven words of arcturus , and seven of the Luna Nova students are part of the nine new witches , right ?So since the rod became a constellation at the end of the show , seven of those stars could be the seven words , so what if each of the seven words materializes as weapon of their own on earth and each of the seven witches(Akko ,Diana, Lotte,Sucy, Amanda , Constanze , Jasminka) get one of the seven words that became weapons .Because even if the rod disappeared , it came to Akko’s help in a different way , since even if the quest to bringing a new age of magic is far from complete.

[morsking]

earlier i said how the event is making me care for skadi but on the flipside it’s also exacerbating my frustrations with lostbelt 2 because the event implies she has unresolved trauma about ragnarok and surtr’s flames but in her story chapter proper she has barely any reaction (that i remember) to surtr appearing. there is a common theme in lostbelts where the problem with the lostbelt = the personal problem with the crypter = the personal problem with the lostbelt king. 

kadoc’s problem was that he forsook kindness despite having a very caring and nurturing nature due to the traumatic experience of dying having never been deemed worthy or appreciated by anyone and sought to overcompensate for the lostbelt’s rejection from proper human history, and that was matched by a lostbelt king who more than anything yearned for his lost humanity and the love he once had for someone else, which resulted in a lostbelt full of callous people who believed only in survival of the fittest rather than in cooperation. 

hinako’s problem was her reluctance to connect with humans due to her hatred of them born from experiencing the worst of their discrimination and warfare. qin shi huang, in turn, believed in severing humans from their emotional and intellectual connections in the lostbelt so they would never turn to war again, but are ultimately unable to think of life as a shared pursuit of happiness. while they both had transcended human limitations, whether naturally or artificially, they still had a fundamental flaw of being unable to grow as people by shutting themselves out from the human race and finding ways to leave behind a legacy of positive change. an eternal person and an eternal empire are existences full of stagnation. 

lostbelt 2 however is a damned mess because sakurai was more focused on writing a self-indulgent hell otome game scenario where ophelia is the object of surtr and napoleon’s affections while having conflicting feelings towards kirschtaria it’s comphet but sakurai doesn’t realize she wrote comphet and skadi is trying to push her into getting together with napoleon. she does this because skadi herself wishes she was like her proper human history counterpart who had someone who loved her in a world where she is the only one remotely capable of loving because all the gods who could ever love her have died. this is further worsened towards the end, where it’s revealed that napoleon does in fact hold the key to solving ophelia’s and the lostbelt’s problem by showing them that more possibilities exist other than the rigid and repressive way of life imposed on them by someone else. 

this just reeks of “i need a man to solve all my emotional problems”. there is extremely little actual personal connection between skadi and ophelia on the topic of shared trauma: ophelia having the trauma of being repressed as a child by her parents in a vague and nondescript way that causes her to seek direction from others without ever thinking of what she herself wants while skadi only knows how to repress processing her grief by depriving the world of knowledge and emotion and loving her subjects in a backwards way that leads them nowhere but also makes no freaking sense so now the setting feels forced.  in case you haven’t noticed, lb2 is lb3 but worse. 

when surtr appears again in lb2, released from the bonds placed upon him by ophelia and sigurd, there is no memorable, or rather, telling reaction from skadi. she’s just like “oh shit he’s here you gotta go take care of this here’s some magical support, bye”. there is no skadi reacting viscerally to the fact the man who killed all her loved ones has been hiding under her nose all this time and has been closer to escaping his prison than ever before and has even succeeded at the very end and is about to destroy more than just her beloved world. there is no quiet denial born from trauma, there is no subtle freaking out, there is no hesitation in her actions reflecting a psychological weakness, there is nothing to make you believe that skadi shares a meaningful character dimension with ophelia like the other lostbelt kinds do with their crypters. 

the story has to retroactively tell you she has unresolved trauma about ragnarok in a seasonal event because her story chapter where the man responsible for that trauma has an appearance and shares a space with her couldn’t even accomplish that because it was too busy making itself about ophelia and her “i need a man” syndrome.

don’t get me wrong, i think it’s really good how the celt servants are trying to accomodate skadi as one of their own despite her being from another country and another history, but it just speaks levels at how fgo resorts to writers picking up the slack for others and cleaning up after them because no one is actually properly supervising things or sharing feedback that significantly improves upon their work because they’re allowing each other to be far too self-indulgent in the things they write rather than do the responsible thing and hold back on that just enough so they can enjoy themselves without the story suffering for it.

i think that, the one moment that could reflect skadi has trauma in a way that’s powerful and effective, if sakurai had cared more, is when skadi insists on fighting you after dealing with surtr. she is not about to let go of her world, her core of emotional comfort and also her dignity, and let you destroy it without resisting first, which is something she learns to do after watching ophelia resist her own fate at the very end thanks to napoleon. that was good, but felt slightly unearned because there hadn’t been a more dedicated study to her character before like there is now.

[aks3raao1]

You know, there's a thing with characters that foil each other and serve as the "good" and "bad" respectively (Toga/Himiko, Tenko/Izuku, Nagito/Hajime, Ryoko/Hajime, Atsushi/Akutagawa) but that trope felt rather annoying to write, especially in the world I am trying to write about (ALTERNATIVE's world is basically MHA X BSD but like. 1000 times more fucked up and the Specialised are always prejudiced against. A terrible lot).

The title itself, ALTERNATIVE is to symbolise Romila's POV of "infinite choices and paths present for every being" and how she starts off the story with a decisive line of,

"Many people ask me if this could have been avoided. They beg for me to tell them that things could have been better. There are others too, who try to justify that this was the only way for things to have been. If you ask me, both are living in states of denial. One can't accept the stupidity of humanity for disregarding common sense for violence and prejudices. Another can't accept humanity's choice for having better circumstances if the one with the power chose to."

The thing is, the running theme is that the story is a bittersweet one, despite there not being many deaths of the main characters, but there was always a junction where you can see it could have been avoided, that there was an "alternative" for things to have gotten better, especially in the first book.

Another reason for the title is that it's basically an "ALTERNATIVE" to this world of ours, where super powers and stuff like those exist.

The subtitles of both the books (Myriad of Colours, Colour of Death) signifies Romila's power, "Aura Tracker" which lets her view people's aura as colours (Myriad of Colours is to signify the different kinds of people she meets, Colour of Death is about what affects her the most (death) and how she's constantly seeing that colour everywhere, especially now that it's war).

The thing about ALTERNATIVES is that Romila could have chosen to be a doormat (like Koldin tends to be at the beginning (his rp self is like THAT due to circumstances different to ALTERNATIVE's actual storyline. Also because Hack's a nicer person to be around than Romila is) in order to nOt hAvE cOnFliCt™) to not get into conflict and put up a super nice persona for people but she didn't. She decided to focus on hanging onto her reasons for doing what she does and using it to create a caustic personality to shield herself because she knows that she will regret being a doormat (Her Despair takes the form of Koldin Hopkins).

Now Koldin could have certainly put his hatred for society at the forefront and taken a caustic personality but instead chooses to be nice. Because he doesn't want to become as hurtful as the rest, that's how he wants to disentangle himself from society. However he, like Romila (who just took standing up for herself to extremes), takes this to the extremes causing him to gain the personality of a nice boy™.

However this also goes into why they made the choices they did (which is what Romila realises during the Mansion of Death arc), because for Romila, she didn't really have the psychology for actually becoming a doormat (because a) Her mom wouldn't have it b) She hated to be called weak c) She didn't have anyone to fall back to after the inevitable consequences of being a doormat d) She felt that if she were to live with monsters, then it's easier to blend in by being one (this comes useful to her when she infiltrates into the Government) e) She saw doormats getting suicidal which frightened her) or not becoming fully caustic (since her standing up for herself wasn't. Liked. By. Anyone. And seen as aggressive and she basically went, "Well if they see me as bad, I will show them BAD" which led to her breakdown causing the incidents at the Mansion Of Death (especially a twisted hatred against Koldin for extremely understandable reasons).

For Koldin, being meek and peaceful had let him get by in the streets and his skills to difuse fights had come in handy. Later when Dr. Hopkins took him in, he was well. A member of the Radicals who were known to be extremely merciless towards the Specialised (he had defected but Koldin had a REALLY good reason to be wary) so he figured if he stayed nice, he wouldn't be kicked out of the house and Dr. Hopkins being Dr. Hopkins just assumed that it was his normal and that behaviour carried into school. He figured that it was a horrifying thing to be aggressive and then saw how Romila got treated and decided that yep, he was right, that confirmed his world view alright and it was more reason to be super nice. While Romila saw Koldin as a person who everyone took advantage of (a thing she hated. To be exploited just like that) and went, yep that confirmed hers and it was more reason to be super angry.

However the thing is that, Romila was chided for being anything, which caused her to just give up to be peaceful (because what would she do? Anything she tried to do got her scolded) while Koldin (thankfully) found a support system. It really goes to show the difference a good friend can do.....

As it is, when I first began writing this, the most obvious choice presented itself to me. Koldin is the "hope" and Romila is the "despair" (on the protagonist, deutergonist side) but that seemed stupid and boring as it wouldn't make sense. Since I am trying to make a point of showing with how Romila's world view gradually changes from "there are wrong and right choices" to the fact that it doesn't have to be rigid and that *now* she wouldn't be hurt if she used what her vulnerable side wanted (a world free of prejudices and unnecessary cruelty) with the talents she had. That kindness mixed with her usual personality won't literally kill her.

And for Koldin, being a doormat means that he got taken advantage of a lot by different people and since he refused to actually stand up for himself ("Ah...aha......it seems that I can't..." "Can't what?" "Feel angry for myself......it's always anger that comes from the ones I love being hurt" "Then love yourself too, you will feel angry again" ~ Koldin's conversation with his inverted self in the Labyrinth) he got. Taken advantage of. By virtually everyone. However he decided that if being nice would keep him keep his self and his name self then it would be fine. He did not want to be the source of grief (his actual parents tossed him out because of his Specialisation). The Mansion Of Death actually causes him to snap for that reason, because Romila literally puts him in a torture dream "for the greater good" and then proceeds to kill his dear friend. One thing Koldin HATED. Killing friends. (Due to them being run over by a car, which led to his paralysed left arm)

Now on the other side, their respective friends:

Romila:

Luja: Cynical and annoyed by people's stupidity but not to caustic extents and she wants to be a scientist and isn't haunted by the possibility of dying.

Kratanos: Full of anger and hatred against the world but not entirely blinded by it and is focused to using that anger for reformation of the world (she becomes a therapist later, to help people)

They both have her caustic parts but they also let themselves embrace another side which makes them her "balance".

Koldin:

Anand: Believes that there's no requirement for violence unless it's absolutely necessary.

Karishma: Figures it's a better idea to just listen to rules but doesn't hesitate to break them if she sees that they are bs

They both have his peacefulness, but don't hesitate to do what they think they should do, which makes them his "balance".

The point is that, the case of choosing alternatives isn't possible with a tunnel vision. Even so, there are choices that literally can't be made due to the individual and circumstances. Sometimes the choice is to choose more than one choice. Well, that's one dramatic storyline......

It reminds me of DDLC side stories since everyone has a bit of the other person's solutions and more of a opposite personality (don't take this the wrong way, there are many stories like that and it's honestly a favourite to think abt but it's just that DDLC does it well especially since it's only a school environment). Tbh, I like dramatic storylines that rlly dig deep into a character's perspective (reasons why I'm in love with Hack and Axel in particular). My whole thing is that I'd rather read a story with interesting and in depth characters than one where only the plot is good so I say you made the great call of the century with Koldin and Romila's characters.

What you thought before getting into it is rlly how every great character arc starts. You focus on one, somewhat forget the other one until you review every single character for inspiration and then BAM! PARALLELS! It's really admirable how, even in this messed up world of specializations, you didn't purely focus on the plot bc it honestly sounds interesting enough to just stick around for Romila's life and journey. You could have ended it all with just that, but no, you smacked Koldin in there and said "be my interesting on par character that can kick Romila's gut" and IT WORKED SPECTACULARLY!!!

I really love ur writing and hoping to one day read (and maybe print out) every story you've ever written bc GODDAMNIT I NEED THE FEELING OF THOSE WORDS ON WORN PAPER WITH AN ARTISTIC COVER AND AN AMAZINGLY HEAVY WEIGHT

Aka, paperback. Bc that's how I like to roll and that's how good I think it is. 1000% worthy of a bestseller