#or find someone to co-run it w me who does use twitter

[monsterhugger]

thinking many thoughts abt doing a livwood week but i literally do not know how to use social media and like. would anyone be up for that

[makeste]

BnHA Chapter 306: the beginning of the WHAT

Previously on BnHA: Nana and the Gang were all, “hey Deku, we can read your thoughts and feelings so we should already know the answer to this, but for some reason we want to quiz you on whether or not you’d be down to kill Shigaraki Tomura.” Deku was all, “um okay, well tbh, probably not seeing as Saving People has been my entire thing since literally the start of the series.” The Vestiges were all, “yes that makes perfect sense and again we already knew that, but well, good for you buddy and I’m glad we had this talk. Anyway I guess we should ask these two cryptic fuckers in the corner to finally turn around now before we run out of -- ” and then the chapter ended. Because OF COURSE IT DID.

Today on BnHA: Horikoshi is all “YOU DON’T NEED TO KNOW WHAT HAPPENS NEXT, WOULDN’T IT BE SO MUCH BETTER IF I GAVE YOU A CONFUSING CHAPTER WHERE EVERYONE FINALLY LEARNS ABOUT OFA, AND GOES BACK TO THE DORMS, AND THEN THE CHAPTER ENDS WITH DEPRESSED NOMAD DEKU STANDING ON A PRECIPICE WITH GRAN TORINO’S TATTERED CAPE FLOWING IN THE WIND.” Everyone is all, “???????????” Horikoshi is all, “also the parents are moving to the U.A. campus, and Jeanist’s neck is two and a half feet long, for everyone that was wondering.” Everyone is all, “WHERE ARE KACCHAN AND TODOROKI AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, WHO ARE THE SECOND AND THIRD USERS”, and Horikoshi is all, “:)” and fades away into nothingness like the fucking fae he is. Like a fucking imp who’s kept his end of the cursed bargain. What, the, fuck.

okay guys, so after the longest Thursday of my fucking life, during which I was secretly hoping that my spoiler containment net would be somehow be breached, inadvertently exposing me to theta spoiler radiation, so that I could be all “oh no... spoilers... there’s nothing I can do... I have no choice but to look” (which sadly did not happen), it is finally Friday and the chapter is finally out. so I’ve got my clown kit at the ready and other self-deprecating memes on standby, and I’m ready to go. and I should note that I’m also ready for Horikoshi to pull some absolute bullshit and be like, “oh you know what, we haven’t checked in with Rat Principal in a while have we” and spend the entire chapter on nonsense like that. I’M READY FOR FUCKING ANYTHING so bring it

(ETA: it would be nice if this man wouldn’t call my bluff every now and again.)

oh, right, we were due a color page! wow look at this

isn’t this supposed to be the future?? what’s with all of these staticky CRT TVs

anyway, so! is this the first time we’ve seen Tomura’s stylish finger prosthetic glove thingy in color?? because I didn’t expect it to be red. also, at some point you just have to give in and change your pants into cutoffs or something, Tomura. start a new trend of stylish villain capris

meanwhile Deku is dressed like he’s going on a journey into the desert to find a mystical oasis. actually this cape looks a lot like Gran Torino’s. I have to go back and see if Gran’s is all raggedy like this

(ETA: it wasn’t before but APPARENTLY IT IS NOW. I also forgot that Horikoshi had showed it sitting on a side table in the hospital a few chapters ago.)

lastly, AFO looks like someone’s thumb after they’ve been washing dishes for twenty minutes. you are just the ugliest dude in history, and as always, fuck you

HAHAHA SOB I KNEW IT

oh, Twowy McTwoface is finally starting to turn around? better CUT BACK TO DEKU’S HOSPITAL ROOM THEN. wouldn’t want to accidentally ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS or SOLVE ANY MYSTERIES, god forbid

well, whatever. whatever!! anyway so now someone’s knocking at the door. I say “someone” but we all know it’s Hawks

yep

they were actually standing outside the door for a while hoping they’d overhear another juicy plot conversation, but no such luck this time

lmaooo Jeanist wtf

acting all embarrassed, but you’re really just as curious as Hawks is. making him do all the dirty work for you huh

ARE YOU SERIOUS THIS IS AN INJUSTICE

so like two seconds after Katsuki gets dragged away you open the door for the rest of them!! well, fine!! I really want it to be a more private/personal moment between the two of them anyway so let the other kids check in on Deku first then

and in the meantime, time to see Hawks put the thumbscrews to All Might’s resolve lol

I wonder how much of it Hawks has already put together in the last five minutes. One for All is something connected to All for One that Tomura seems to want. Tomura was apparently targeting Deku. that’s more than enough to make a few deductions right there. I wonder how much Hawks knows about Deku’s quirk. he did watch the sports festival, and he ran into the kids interning under Endeavor that one time

okay well maybe he hasn’t put the rest of it together just yet, but Hawks is making a pretty reasonable pitch here to All Might

also this is a pretty spectacular view. is this a hospital or a hotel??

AHLKJLKJLKJ ARE YOU SERIOUSLY GOING TO TELL THEM

OH MY GOD HE IS?!?!

JUST LIKE WE ALL EXPECTED, THE NEXT TWO PEOPLE TO LEARN THE TRUTH ABOUT OFA ARE GOING TO BE HAWKS, AND BEST FUCKING JEANIST

-- LFKLKKLDK ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS. ARE YOU --

( •̀_•́ )

[sitting cross-legged on the ground pulling up little clumps of grass and letting them fall from my fingers one by one] yeah. sure. okay. fine. sure

-- OKAY, NO. NUH-UH. NO

everybody better hold tight cuz I’m about to pick up this whole chapter and yeet it into the ocean like a fucking frisbee lol

HORIKOSHI I DON’T CARE ABOUT THESE PEOPLE SITTING HERE WATCHING TV WTF

-- OH

well okay then. proceed. though lord help me if they’re about to reveal the secret of OFA to the whole fucking world skdkj

oh snap

well, there it is. pretty much what I expected, but it’s good to actually get to see this moment with him taking responsibility

though at the same time, thank you Horikoshi for not forcing us to sit through the rest of that

their fucking faces omg. okay but seriously, what nation doesn’t secretly love a good scandal

the Endeavor Pamphlets, part two. thank you for giving the country something to opine about on twitter in these trying times, Enji

so now they’re asking about Hawks and Jeanist but I cannot even focus on anything all of a sudden because what?!

is Jeanist even a real actual human being you guys?! are we sure he’s not three kids sitting on each other’s shoulders?? are you related to that one guy with the really long neck from the Jedi Council?? are you Orochimaru, bro??

so now Hawks is apologizing for the murder of Twice, and for hiding the connection with his dad

the fact that he has to give this serious formal apology and beg forgiveness for the shameful crime of Having An Abusive Father is really something else, though. just. it’s realistic, but I still hate it

moving on now to the one thing he actually does owe the public an explanation for

not to go all “Hawks did nothing wrong” on you guys yet again, but seriously. 100% facts. fandom can (and no doubt will) debate this until the end of time, but if Twice had gotten away they wouldn’t be having this press conference right now because there wouldn’t be any heroes left to give one. anyways though, I’ve already said more than enough about that in previous posts

so now some severe-looking lady with the weirdest fingers I’ve ever seen is saying that her mother was injured during Machia’s rampage

and she’s basically all “a fuck lot of good ‘I’m sorry’ does us all about now.” true true

wow she’s really getting fired up

and now Enji is basically saying that he understands that an apology isn’t enough, and what they really need now are solutions. okay, well! SO THEN WHAT IS THE PLAN THEN

hmmfsdgh

this eloquent PEZ dispenser makes a good point you guys

wait, hold up

CERTAIN citizens?? um excuse me, what??

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh shit

holy shit. well, this will go over well

okay! so this tells me a number of things, though

basically the minute that Hawks learned about One for All, he realized that anyone connected to Deku (e.g. Inko) would be a target for AFO. AFO wants OFA, meaning AFO wants Deku, and one of the easiest ways to get to Deku would be to target his family

Hawks therefore realized that Inko needed to be placed into protective custody

but the fact that ALL of the hero course students’ families (and is it only the U.A. hero course, or all of the hero course students across the country?) are being given protection tells me that Hawks and co. don’t want to single Deku out as being important. so then it looks like they’re not going to tell everyone about OFA (or at least not the public. which, good). so rather than drawing suspicion by saying “we’ve got to protect everyone connected with this one kid”, they’re making it seem like all the U.A. kids’ families are getting this treatment

but since the heroes are now spread so thin, they can’t just send a protective detail to each and every family, so they’re bringing all of the families to the same place instead to better keep an eye on them

so that’s all well and good, and a very smart move. except that idk how all of this is going to go over with the general public, all of whom are probably feeling unsafe at the moment, and who will probably see this as preferential treatment -- basically just the heroes looking after their own and leaving everyone else to fend for themselves

(ETA: okay so @hanashimas​’ translation clarifies that U.A. is offering their services as an evacuation shelter for everyone who wants it, not just the families of the U.A. students. that’s much more appropriate so I withdraw my previous “wtf” reaction lol.)

anyway though here’s Mitsuki and Inko

can we take this as confirmation that the two of them really are friends? that’s one piece of fanon that I’ve always hoped was true, so I’m gonna go ahead and say it’s confirmed

(ETA: also this means that Hagakure’s parents (or maybe “parents” in quotation marks) will supposedly be moving in as well. sure am curious as to how that’s going to go.)

now someone in the press crowd is asking whether U.A. can provide adequate security, which is honestly the LAST thing I expected these people would be outraged about lol. shows what I know I guess

(ETA: again though, this makes sense if the “certain civilians” thing was just a translation error.)

LMAO DAMMIT ENJI

YOU CAN’T JUST ALWAYS PULL THE “JUST WATCH ME” TRICK AND EXPECT IT TO SHUT DOWN THE CONVERSATION EVERY DAMN TIME YOU ASSHOLE

-- OH MY GOD RED ALERT

TIME TO ANALYZE THIS BECAUSE OMG

WASH CAN’T BELIEVE HIS FAMILY GROUP CHAT IS STILL SENDING HIM FUCKING MEMES AT A TIME LIKE THIS. HE DOESN’T GIVE A FUCK IF THE DABI DANCE IS TRENDING ON TIKTOK, MOM!!

FOR A MINUTE I THOUGHT MT. LADY WAS HOLDING MIDNIGHT’S TORN-UP MASK, AND BY THE TIME I REALIZED THAT’S ACTUALLY HER MASK AND NOT MIDNIGHT’S, I HAD ALREADY CONSTRUCTED AN ELABORATE HEADCANON IN WHICH MT. LADY AND MIDNIGHT WERE SECRETLY DATING BUT HADN’T COME OUT TO ANYONE YET, AND THEN TRAGEDY STRUCK, AND NOW MT. LADY IS GETTING READY TO SET OUT TO SEEK VENGEANCE. AND WELL, NOW THAT THIS HEADCANON EXISTS IN THE WORLD, I’M NOT SURE IF I’M READY TO GET RID OF IT

MIRKO HAS GOTTEN HERSELF A PROSTHETIC (ROBOT??!) ARM, NOTHING ELSE THAT’S HAPPENING IN THIS CHAPTER IS EVEN SLIGHTLY IMPORTANT!!! HELLO!!!!!

AIZAWA WITH THE EYEPATCH GOOD LORD. THE WORLD ISN’T READY. HE LOOKS LIKE HE HASN’T SLEPT IN NINETY-EIGHT YEARS, BUT SOMEHOW HE MAKES IT INTO THE HOTTEST THING EVER AS PER USUAL

WHO THE FUCK IS THIS FUCKING GUY. ARE WE SUPPOSED TO KNOW HIM? IS THIS KAMUI?? WAS THAT THING WHICH I ALWAYS ASSUMED WAS HIS HAIR ACTUALLY A HELMET OR SOMETHING WHAT

LOL AND MEANWHILE

you tell me, Dabi! weren’t you the one who said that wouldn’t be enough to kill him? what even is your endgame here. I’m starting to worry about the villain brain cell supply you guys. I feel like Compress took most of them with him when he left

OH??

“when asked about One for All, Endeavor fucking lied through his teeth.” well, well, well

SLKDFJLSKGDJLKLKGJL THE DORMS

( ⁰ ⌂ ⁰ )

SLDKJFLKJWLKJLK

WLKDJSLKJFWKELKSDJLKHGLK

HDSMFLKGKL:GDSELK

OCHAKO’S HAND IS SHAKING OH MY GOD

THERE’S YOUR KAMINARI, EVERYONE!!

RHA’S SCANLATION TEAM REALLY THREW DEKU’S HANDWRITING UNDER THE BUS HERE HUH

HE TOLD EVERYONE!?

WHY THE FUCK IS HE WRITING IT AS A LETTER

(ETA: 9. also if he really wrote every kid in his class then that means the U.A. traitor -- or Hagakure as we like to call her around these parts -- also knows about OFA, and knows that Deku has run the fuck off and isn’t at U.A. anymore. so that’s just great!)

OH HELL NO

the hell does that mean, you must leave. leave to go where. son you are not up and leaving to go power up and lead us all into a timeskip. and I swear to GOD, if you left Kacchan too...!!

MY GOD I CAN’T PROPERLY ABSORB ALL OF THESE OCHAKO FEELS RIGHT NOW BECAUSE I’M TOO TERRIFIED TO SCROLL TO THE LAST FUCKING PAGE, FUCK

I JUST GOTTA DO IT. I JUST GOTTA SUCK IT UP AND DO IT. FUCK

FUCK

WHAT. THE. FUCK

y’all I’m not even gonna waste your time with more keysmashing, JUST ASSUME THAT I AM DOING IT NONSTOP, FOREVER. and let’s just jump RIGHT IN HERE

okay so here I thought that All Might and co. had taken him away somewhere to train, but that is CLEARLY not what’s going on here. this kid is standing here in his Apocalypse Aesthetic hero costume which has CLEARLY seen better days, with Gran Torino’s cloak (GUESS THAT EXPLAINS THAT, THEN?? SO DID GRAN FUCKING DIE EXCUSE ME WTF), and a fucking backpack. this little green idiot has RUN AWAY FROM HOME. this is the absolute LAST THING ON EARTH I ever expected to happen so PARDON ME WHILE I SCREAM CONFUSEDLY INTO THE VOID

he does not look okay. you guys he doesn’t look okay at ALL. he has NEVER looked like this. this isn’t just a “I’m sad because I’m leaving all my friends behind” kind of look on his face, or even just a “Gran Torino died maybe and I’m still having emotions over it” look. this is an EXHAUSTED, dead look in his eyes. something terrible has happened

WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR ARMS DEKU. THE PEOPLE NEED TO KNOW WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING DOWN WITH YOUR ARMS GODDAMMIT

love how this random building is just straight up collapsing, like that’s just a normal thing that happens every day now. lovely

APRIL MEANS IT’S NOW FULL ON SCHEDULED ALL-MIGHT-DYING-HOURS, BUT LET’S COMPLETELY IGNORE THAT THOUGH BECAUSE FUCK THAT NOISE

“THE SECOND USER? WHO KNOWS? CERTAINLY NOT ME” HORIKOSHI I SWEAR TO GOD

“BAKUGOU? NEVER HEARD OF HIM!” HORIKOSHI PLEASE

WHERE. IS. KACCHAN

did he go with Deku?? did he get a chance to talk to him before he left?? did he get his own private letter which he read and then promptly blew up in a fit of panicked rage?? is he going to go after him?? DOES HORIKOSHI KNOW WHAT HE’S DOING TO ME RIGHT NOW?? OF COURSE HE DOES, DON’T BOTHER ANSWERING THAT

omg. though actually the fact that we’ve already jumped a few weeks forward makes me hopeful that there won’t actually be another timeskip, or at least not much of one. I’m sure that’ll be the big debate of the week, but I don’t think we can jump too far forward here. for starters because of that All Might prophecy I mentioned. and also because TomurAFO isn’t just going to wait around for months. and also because I’m 100% sure that Deku’s running-away backpack is just filled ENTIRELY WITH NOTEBOOKS and this asshole cannot possibly survive more than 3 days on his own. UNLESS SOMEONE COMES TO HELP HIM THAT IS. OR SOMEONES, EVEN. OMG. omg omg omg. fuck this chapter lmao

[gyakutengagotoku]

GS4 vs AJ:AA - Episode 1, Part 1

Look, guys! I’m being productive again! Hooray, it feels exhausting just as I remember it did!

As done before, every post I make will contain differences between the source Japanese and localized English versions of the same game, as well as further details about them, up to the following “To be continued...” screens and eventually the ending credits. As always, there are so many ways the localization can dress up certain lines in the original script to make them into jokes or at least more colorful, so I’m not going to pick out every one. It would take us an eternity longer than my hiatuses to finish otherwise.

To think it took a freakin’ indie game that's like Mafia but with astronauts and tasks to bring me back to the Ace Attorney community and back to my blog’s roots. Is this what they mean by “Circle of Life”? All I know is that I’m constantly running around in circles, both metaphorically and literally.

--

> Court Lobby

<Kristoph> やれやれ。ずいぶんカタくなってる みたいだね。 You look tense, Justice. Wound up tight.

<Apollo> そ。そんなコトないです！ カンゼンに大丈夫ですから、オレ！ W-Wound up, sir? No! I'm loose! I'm fine!

<Kristoph> 声がウラ返ってるよ‥‥ まあ。ムリもないかな。 That screeching noise... Is that your voice? I suppose it's to be expected...

初めての法廷が、殺人事件とは。 まさしく“オドロキ”ってヤツだね。 Your first trial, and it's a homicide. I guess "Justice" doesn't start small, eh?

Enter Apollo's signature "I'm fine!" catchphrase, or as it's originally known, "Daijobu desu!"

In the third box, "ウラ返ってる" from 裏返る (uragaeru) in this context is translated fairly, though it specifically refers to a "crack in falsetto" kind of squeak or screech. (Yes, squeaky Apollo.) Now, it's interesting to note uragaeru in a different context can also mean "to double-cross". To be fair, it's also a common phrase, like being "betrayed" by your own cracking voice, but the foreshadowing power...

In the fourth box, yes, they changed the name puns to suit the localized name. Kirihito (Kristoph) is just saying what a "surprise" it is for his first trial to be a murder case.

>

<???> たしか、きみは‥‥ So, you're...

<Apollo> あ、ハイ！ オレ、大丈夫ですッ！ Fine! I-I'm fine!

<???> ああ‥‥“大丈夫くん”か。 Ah... Mr. Fine, is it?

<Apollo> え。 Uh.

<???> 変わった名前だとは覚えていた。 I did remember you having an odd name.

<Apollo> （さっそく、ゴカイされちまった） (Well, we're off to a great start.)

I'm just putting this here to assure everyone that Nick does first call him "Daijobu-kun".

>

<???> そろそろ時間だ。‥‥行こうか。 It's time. Shall we?

<Apollo> は、はいッ！ Y-Yes, sir!

<Apollo> （‥‥そうさ。 　今は、とにかく集中するんだ） (...OK. I need to focus.)

（オレの‥‥王泥喜　法介の、 　初めての法廷に！） (First trial, here comes Justice!)

I want to comment on how catchy Apollo's other lesser-known catchphrase is. Poor Odoroki doesn't have anything as cool as this.

> Courtroom

<Kristoph> 弁護士は、依頼人の希望を最優先 させなければなりません。 A defense attorney must always cede to his client's wishes.

この王泥喜くんは、依頼人の ご指名なのですよ。 And my client specifically requested Mr. Justice.

<Judge> ふむう‥‥わかりませんな。 Well, of course he wants justice!

現在、最高の弁護士と言われる 牙琉　霧人（がりゅうきりひと）。 But to entrust his case to this greenhorn... Why?

それをさしおいて、 こんなワカモノがねえ‥‥ I do not exaggerate when I say that you're the best defense attorney in town, Mr. Gavin.

<Apollo> （だ、大丈夫。発声練習の量なら、 　先生にも負けないさ！） (OK, so Gavin's got trial experience, fine. But does he have Chords of Steel!?)

I just love this line from Apollo. Perfect timing and delivery. Odoroki's line is good too, though comes off as a tad more innocent: "I-It's fine. When it comes to  vocal training, even Sensei can't beat me!" Though I have to say the image of Kristoph screaming during voice training is too funny to pass up.

> Enter Defendant

<Judge> まことにザンネンです。 This is truly an unfortunate turn of events.

ひさしぶりの対面が、 このようなカタチになるとは。 I'm sorry we had to meet again under these circumstances.

‥‥成歩堂　龍一 （なるほどうりゅういち）くん。 Long time no see, Mr. Wright.

<Phoenix> 忘れてほしいですね、 ムカシのことは。 Let's put the past behind us, shall we?

今のぼくは‥‥そう。 しがないピアニスト、ですから。 These days, I'm merely Phoenix Wright, piano player.

I may have mentioned it before, but I'll make a note here that the Hobohodo meme has its own version in the JP fandom: "ピアニート" (piani-to or pia-NEET), which is portmanteau of pianist and NEET, the most famous of Japanese government welfare programs for the unemployed. It's also slang for "hobo".

>

<Payne> これが、被害者の命を奪った凶器。 ‥‥グレープジュースのボトルです。 This is the weapon that took the victim's life. A bottle of grape juice.

彼のお気に入りで、 いつも飲んでいるようですな。 Grape juice is apparently our defendant's drink of choice.

Many of you already know, but just in case: The localizers never censored Nick's fave drink. It was the JP devs who had to work with such censors back home, but eventually they just kept it as a running gag to put non-alcoholic fruit juices in fancy wine bottles. It wasn't until SoJ when the devs could get away with featuring a bit of alcohol. Their previous game was slapped with a CERO-C (15+) due to graphic images, so Eshiro and co. were pleasantly surprised to see SoJ get the classic CERO-B (12+) again.

Not to mention, very expensive high-quality fancy fruit juices do exist in Japan and can cost way more than your usual middle-grade wines. Japan and their fancy fruit culture and all. (I forget exactly, but I recall there were plenty of group pictures of the devs on their blogs and Twitters over the years where someone had gotten them fancy bottles of fruit juice as Christmas gifts. The memes live on.)

> After 1st testimony, decline tutorial

<Apollo> 先生が出るにはおよびません！ ここは、オレでじゅうぶんッ！ No need for help here, sir! I think I've got this one covered!

<Kristoph> ‥‥“手下”みたいなセリフだね。 大丈夫ですか？ I think you'd better do more than think. You know it, or you do not.

<Apollo> （大丈夫！　 　発声練習は積んできた！） (I'm fine! The Chords of Steel are ready for battle!)

The differences here are subtle enough that I hesitated on including this, but Kirihito straight-up calls out Odoroki: "Sensei, you won't need to step up here. I'm enough for this!" "...Sounds like something someone unreliable would say. Are you going to be fine?"

> Press 4th statement

<Judge> ふむう‥‥ Hmm...

ポーカーといえば、５枚のカードで “役”を作って勝負するゲーム。 As I recall, in poker you make five-card "hands".

たしかに、イカサマが 起こりやすいのでしょう。 I can see how it would be easy to cheat.

<Phoenix> フッ‥‥ “役”を作るゲーム、ねえ‥‥ Heh... Yes. A game of "hands".

<Apollo> ‥‥？ ...?

Now that I find this dialogue again, it's even deeper than I'd ever thought. In both JP and EN, Phoenix's line works just as well as the other despite having different double entendres. In EN, he makes a pun between the poker hands and people's hands; while in JP, the term used is "yaku", which is normally used to refer to hands in a card/mahjong game, but in more general cases, it means "role" or "responsibility". Naturally, in this case, there are a lot of hands and roles being exchanged rather quickly.

This case is dang amazing and I regret forgetting so much of what made it spectacular.

> Press 5th statement

<Phoenix> 賭けていたのは、ただひとつ。 おのれの“プライド”だけだよ。 The only thing at stake in our game... was pride itself.

<Judge> ほほう。 なんだか、カッコイイですな！ Ho ho! Well put, Mr. Wright.

私も“ポーカー”で ヒト勝負したくなってきました。 I've got a mind to play a hand of poker myself...

<Judge> あなたの“有罪”を賭けてッ！ The stakes: your fate!

<Apollo> （“ヒト勝負”感覚で 　決められてたまるかッ！） (Um... Can we get back to the trial now?)

For once, I'm gonna go with Odoroki's line as the cooler one: "(As if we're going to decide this trial like a game of "life-or-death"!)"

> 1st witness, before testimony

<Olga> 逆居　雅香（さかいまさか） ‥‥と申します。 My name... is Olga Orly.

レストラン《ボルハチ》で ウエイトレス‥‥していますの。 I am employed as waitress in Borscht Bowl Club restaurant.

<Judge> しかし‥‥なぜ、カメラを？ Then... why the camera?

<Olga> もちろん、《ボルハチ》ジマンの ボルシチもお運びいたします。 Of course, it is my pride to serve borscht that is naming restaurant.

でも、ワタシ。他にも、いろいろ サービスをいたしますのよ。 But I also perform -- how it is said? Other service.

Just making a note here on how well Olga's lines are written. They really make it obvious that she's "not a native speaker" (for now). While in EN, they just made her English a little broken, in JP, she speaks in a very stiff and formal Japanese, as she is a waitress, but also on the occasion can sound a little off to a native speaker without being broken, per se. She also has a distinct "watashi" among a few other common words that are written in katakana to show a sort of accent.

>

<Payne> さて、証人。 事件当時は、どこに‥‥？ Now, witness. Where were you at the time of the murder?

<Olga> ワタシ、あの部屋にいたんです。 ‥‥《ナラズモの間》。 I was in room. The Hydeout, we call it.

<Apollo> “ならずものま”？ Excuse me? The Hydeout?

<Olga> 伝説のギャング“ナラズモ”が タイホされたというお部屋。 It is room where famous gangster "Badgai" was arrested.

‥‥事件があった小部屋ですの。 Is room where murder took place.

<Apollo> なんだってェェェ！ Whaaaaat!?

<Olga> ‥‥そのビックリしたカオ、 ステキです。 Your look of utter surprise... It is lovely.

あとで法廷の前に 張り出しておきますので‥‥ I will post by courtroom door later for you!

ほしい写真の番号を、みなさま お書きくださいね。 Dah, dah, photos will be numbered, and you will write which ones you want copy of.

Okay, everyone knows how bad/obvious/cringe the name puns can be in Khura'in or certain ones from AAI, but please, does anyone not remember "Badgai" here? (Tbf, I forgot too, so I'm not one to talk...)

Btw, his original name is "Narazumo", literally "ruffian", and it's completely in katakana, which makes me think it's a codename or alias. She also specifies that he was a "gangster", not yakuza as we'd assume. Japanese gangs are a bit closer to gangs that we know of in the West, especially that they're more known for foreign influence to their styles than the much more traditional yakuza.

Also, I'm disappointed there was no Odoroki pun here. Sure, she doesn't know him, so it wouldn't make sense, but still a missed opportunity. Also also, she actually talks to the rest of the court when she says "you", so she's selling photos of Apollo's freakout to everyone. Classy...

> 1st Witness Testimony, press 3rd statement

<Apollo> “ロケット”‥‥？ His "locket"...?

<Olga> あのお客さまにとっては 大切な“お守り”のようでした。 I believe it was good-luck charm, dah?

何度か握りしめながら、 勝負をされていましたから。 He gripped it many times as he played that night.

<Judge> なるほど‥‥大空へ飛び立つ チカラがみなぎるのでしょう。 Yes, he must have felt as though it might carry him to the moon and the stars!

なにしろ《ロケット》ですからな。 Though if it were small enough to fit around his neck, it wouldn't have much lift...

<Apollo> ‥‥あの。ちなみに “ロケット”というのは‥‥ Um... The defense would like a clarification: this is a locket we're talking about?

写真を入れたペンダントのコト、 なんですけどね。 I mean, a pendant with a picture in it, right? Not a "rocket"?

<Judge> 知ってます！ Of course! I knew that!

ロケットのカタチをした アレでしょう。 It was probably a pendant shaped like a rocket. That's why she called it that.

<Apollo> ちがいますよ！ カタチはカンケイないんです No, a locket's a locket! It doesn't matter what shape it is!

<Kristoph> ‥‥深追いしてはいけない。 それが、社会のルールです。 It's considered bad form to poke fun at the hard-of- hearing in our society.

<Apollo> （モヤモヤするなあ） (Hard of hearing, or hard of understanding?)

This entire conversation is just a joke on how "locket" and "rocket" are written the same way in Japanese, and I'm surprised how well it still works in English.

To clarify, Kirihito's line at the end is a bit different: "...Refraining from pursuing a line too far is a well-known rule in our society." "(Doesn't make me feel any better.)"

> After 1st Present, just before new statement added

<Apollo> （ヤレヤレ‥‥ 　慎重すぎるんだよな、先生は） (There's such a thing as thinking too much...)

（イシバシを叩いて 　コワすタイプ？） (This horse is dead, let's stop beating it!)

<Kristoph> 聞こえてますよ、オドロキくん。 There's such a thing as thinking aloud too much, too.

It's conversations like this that make me wonder if characters can actually hear what the MC is saying/whispering or if they're breaking the 4th wall to hear their thoughts. Here, it's even more ambiguous in JP than the usual between Nick and Maya in prior games. Or are they suggesting that even when Apollo is thinking, he's still loud?

> After 2nd Witness Testimony, before cross-exam

<Judge> なるほど‥‥ Ah, how many times have I heard these words:

『むしゃくしゃしてやった。 　今は後悔している』‥‥ "I done it in a fit of anger, Yer Honor, and now I regret what I done".

‥‥の、パターンですな。 ...A common tale, but true.

<Apollo> （成歩堂さんは、ハッキリ言った。 　『７年間、負けたことがない』） (Methinks the judge watches too many old court movies.)

（‥‥この証言には、ゼッタイ 　“何か”あるはずだ！） (Mr. Wright said he hasn't lost in seven years, so this testimony must be wrong!)

I don't usually include entries for examples where the localizers dress up the text from the original, but this one here really bugs me. I'm not sure if it's a reference to some classic film or just a tip of the hat to classic American court drama movies in general.

If someone could help me pinpoint this one, please do.

> Press 2nd statement, press further

<Apollo> チップについて、くわしく 話していただけますか？ Maybe you could explain a bit about these "chips"?

<Olga> そ。そう言われましても‥‥ E-Explain? What is there to be explained?

<Objection!>

<Payne> チップはチップです。 Poker chips are poker chips.

いつまで待っても‥‥ キップにはなりませんぞ！ They're not fish and chips, not a chip off the old block, not a motorcycle cop, not a...

Okay, the "motorcycle cop" bit got me. I swear this was a popculture reference (was it a song? It sounds so familiar), but I don't remember exactly where it was from! Someone plz help.

As for the original script, Auchi makes a silly pun. "[Poker] chips are [poker] chips. No matter how long you wait... they won't become tickets!" (chips = chippu, ticket = kippu)

>

<Apollo> ‥‥はあ。 ...Thanks.

（セッカクだ。 　なにか聞かないとソンだな） (Now that I've pressed her I'd better ask something...)

たとえば‥‥そのチップ。 “円”ですか？　“ドル”ですか？ What are these chips worth? Are they in dollars? Or rubles, even?

<Olga> ‥‥あの。 先ほども申しましたけれど‥‥ ...Nyet. As I have been saying before, it was game, not gambling.

ギャンブルでは ございませんでしたから‥‥ Hard perhaps for capitalist to understand.

<Olga> “１０００点”と “１００点”の２種類。 Two types of chip: 100 points chip and 1,000 points chip.

おカネではございませんの。 It is not money, dah.

<Kristoph> ‥‥オドロキくん。 ...Justice.

<Apollo> はいッ！ Sir!

<Kristoph> 今の証言‥‥ ちょっと、おもしろいですね。 Don't you find her comment... interesting?

<Apollo> え‥‥ In more ways than one, sir.

<Kristoph> 私ならば‥‥そう。 証言に加えていただくところですが。 I'd have it added to her testimony, myself.

As funny as that capitalist line is, it's not found in the source, sorry, guys. Her text in Japanese is very formal, so it takes an extra box just to complete her sentence.

Also, worth to note that Odoroki here mentions yen and dollars, but not rubles, despite the restaurant being Russian-themed. Whether it's writer oversight or just Odoroki being uncultured will remain a mystery.

Lastly, Apollo's last line here makes him seem quite confident, but in the original, he seems just as confused as ever. This is made clearer when Apollo later presses the new statement.

> Press new statement

<Apollo> あの。小さい方が１００点、 大きい方が１０００点‥‥ Um. The small ones are 100, and the big ones 1,000...

で、いいんですよね。やっぱり。 Uh? Right? Right. Of course.

<Payne> フン！　 聞くまでもないでしょう。 Hah! Don't waste our time!

<Apollo> はあ‥‥ *sigh*

‥‥‥‥‥‥‥‥‥ ...

<Judge> 終わりですか？　それで。 Is that all?

<Apollo> ええ、まあ。 Um... Yeah. *gulp*

（くそ。牙琉先生のせいで 　ハジをかいちまったぞ‥‥） (Great. Mr. Gavin made me stop her, and now I'm the one who looks dumb.)

<Kristoph> オドロキくん。 Oh, Justice?

<Kristoph> 私にハジをかかせないで もらえますか？ Please try not to embarrass me like that.

<Apollo> え！　オレがですか！ Huh? Who? Me!?

The subtleties of this joke conversation were lost in translation. After Apollo wastes time with that question, he grumbles to himself: "(Damn. Thanks to Garyu-sensei, I've made a fool of myself.)" "Odoroki-kun. Would you please not pin this embarassment on me?" "Huh! Me!?"

> After Present, select "Number of chips"

<Apollo> おかしいのは、チップの枚数‥‥ ですよね、先生？ The odd thing here is the number of chips... Right, Mr. Gavin?

<Kristoph> ‥‥なぜ、私に？ ...Why are you asking me?

<Apollo> その。念のため、というか！ Uh... Just in case?

<Kristoph> ‥‥オドロキくん。 もう少し、キチンと考えましょう。 Justice... It's your case I'm concerned about.

チップなら、写真を見れば すべて、写っています。 If you're wondering about the chips, just look at the photograph. It's all there.

老眼の裁判長さんでも カンタンに数えられますよ。 Even our judge with his failing eyesight could count them.

<Apollo> （‥‥あの裁判長なら、それでも 　まちがえるような気がする‥‥） (That's not the only thing failing the judge.)

Damn, what a burn. Odoroki in the OG script simply went: "(...Knowing this judge, he could get even that wrong...)" which is a fair effort, but not a wildfire level of damage.

> 3rd Witness Testimony, press 4th

<Apollo> 口論の内容は、おぼえてますか？ Do you recall what the men were arguing about?

<Olga> そうですね。たしか‥‥ Dah, I believe so...

被害者サマが『イカサマだッ！』と 叫びましたの。それに対して‥‥ The victim, he shouts, "you are cheater!" and then...

“異議がある”というようなコトを 被告人さまが‥‥ ...the defendant shouts something like, "I have objection!"

<Payne> ‥‥出ましたな。 おトクイの《異議あり！》が。 Shouting objection, eh? Old habits are hard to break!

まったく‥‥ハッタリづくしの 人生ですからな。被告人は。 First he bluffed his way through the courtroom, now he bluffs his way through life!

<Objection!>

<Apollo> しかし！　勝負の結果は、 成歩堂さんが“負けている”！ However! Mr. Wright lost the hand!

むしろ、アヤシイのは、 勝った被害者・浦伏さんでしょう！ That seems to cast the shadow of doubt on Mr. Smith!

<Olga> “イカサマをやった上、 　勝負にも負けた”‥‥ Humiliation from losing even when cheating...

そのクツジョクが、被告人の方の ココロに、火をつけたのですの。 That is what set fire to defendant's heart!

<Judge> ‥‥そして、火のついた 被告人は、どうしたのですかな？ So what did the flaming defendant do next?

Oh my God, as soon as I saw that "異議がある" (igi ga aru) my mind flashed back to those ridiculous Google Translated trailers of Gyakuten Saiban & Kenji on Nico Douga. Imagine if the devs at the time decided to play with Google Translate to see how "異議あり！" would look after switching it from Japanese to English and back. It would be one of the biggest brain plays by a game developer ever... which probably means it wasn't how it went, but it's fun to think about.

Anyway, I also like this snippet of dialogue for the judge's "flaming defendant", clearly alluding to "Phoenix" Wright. In JP, the bit about setting fire to his heart is just a common idiom in the first place, but who knows? “Phoenix Wright: Ace Attorney” had been selling fast in the West, so they could have been inspired.

> After Present, point out on the cards, examine victim's hand

<Apollo> 裁判長！　見てください！ 被害者のカードには、１枚‥‥ Your Honor! Look at this! One of the victim's cards...

ウラの色がちがうカードが まぎれこんでいますッ！ The back is a different color!

<Payne> え‥‥ええええッ！ Eh...? Ehhhhhh!?

<Olga> そ。そんなバカなッ！ Th-That's impossible!

アタシがシカケたのは、 成歩堂のほうなのに‥‥ But I put that card in Wright's hand...

あッ！ Ack!

<Kristoph> ‥‥今、なんと言いましたか、証人。 ...What was that, Ms. Orly?

<Olga> い‥‥いえ‥‥その。 アタシ‥‥わ、私は、ええと‥‥ No... Ny-Nyet! Er, I merely said, eh... Dah, I have, eek!

It's at this point when Olga's cover is blown, and in JP, it's more obvious because she stammers between using "atashi" vs "watashi". It's not very common to hear beginner Japanese students refer to themselves as the cutesy "atashi", though one who's a bit more well versed in the language or in anime may pick up on it.

> After Phoenix takes over the court, select when the cards were swapped, select "Olga Orly" who swapped them

<Phoenix> たしかに、あのゲームでは赤・青の ２種類のカードを使っていた。 Mixing a card from the wrong deck... when the backs are different colors?

しかし‥‥逆居　雅香は、 カードを配っていた張本人。 Remember that you're talking about Olga Orly... She was the dealer.

‥‥そんなミスを すると思うかい？ Do you really think she would make such a novice mistake?

<Apollo> （まあ‥‥オレでも 　まちがわないだろうな） (Actually, I have trouble imagining even the judge making that mistake.)

This is another case of the localizers dressing it up. Odoroki says here: "(Well... even I wouldn't make such a mistake.)" as if implying that he's the lowest common denominator here, haha!

> Back to Court Lobby

<Phoenix> 人間の思考・感情というものは ‥‥かならず。 Try as they might to conceal it, everyone reveals their true thoughts in the end.

身体から“情報”として 発信されている。 Their body language can become a valuable source of information.

<Apollo> そ。そんなバカな‥‥ You're kidding!

<Phoenix> たとえば。あの証人‥‥ 逆居　雅香を思い出してごらん。 That witness, for instance, Ms. Orly.

<Phoenix> 彼女は、ある証言をするとき‥‥ かならず“首筋をさする”。 She would touch the back of her neck during certain parts of her testimony.

‥‥気がついていたかい？ Did you notice?

<Apollo> い。いえ‥‥ （それどころじゃないよ、フツー） Uh... No. (C'mon, who'd notice that!?)

<Phoenix> “クセ”“コトバ”‥‥ それらが発する情報を読み解くこと。 Words, habits, twitches... It's all information for the reading.

それが、勝負に勝つ “鉄則”だよ、オドロキくん。 That's the secret to winning, Apollo.

まあ‥‥ぼくも“ある人物”に 教わったんだけどね。 Someone taught me, and now, I pass the secret on to you.

It's this quiet moment between the two of them that really parallels with how Mia used to talk with Phoenix, and it's beautifully poetic. And I'd like to note that even Phoenix's speech pattern throughout this convo is quite reminiscent of how Mia talked, but with a bit of Phoenix's own style. Though in that last line, he could possibly have meant Mia, but more likely meant a certain someone with a similar power to Apollo. Ya'll know who I mean, (W)right?

>

<Phoenix> ああ。それから、もうひとつ。 今回の事件だけどね。 Ah, almost forgot. One more thing. About this case...

ぼくはまだ、誰にも “本当のコト”を話してないんだよ。 You should know, I haven't told the truth to anyone yet.

<Apollo> えええええッ！ （や、やっぱり‥‥） Whaaaaaaaa--!? (I knew it!)

<Phoenix> もちろん、“理由”がある。 これからアキラカになるだろう。 I have my reasons, of course. All shall be revealed.

そして、ぼくの作戦には‥‥ きみが必要なんだよ。 And Apollo... I need you to be there, defending me.

きみの“能力”が、ね。 I need your power.

<Apollo> オレの、のうりょく‥‥ （声のデカさ、か‥‥？） My, um, power? (I had no idea my Chords of Steel were that special...)

The translation here is close enough, really, but Odoroki specifically describes it as the "intensity" of his voice and it's only the best answer.

--

Welp, I guess it’s back to the drafting board again and I may make this out as a daily or every-other-daily upload. We’ll see. I assure you, you won’t be waiting until next month, though!

[stone-man-warrior]

February 25, 2021: 12:52 pm:

====================================================

The old “Stalking Order Trick”.

It never works.

It’s getting old though. This is the fourth time.

They do this when I report terrorism.

Instead of stopping the terrorism, instead of granting an interview to talk more about the terrorism, they send these two actors from Hollywood dressed in sheriff outfit, to hassle me, scare me, make me go into the controlled environment at the courthouse. Last time I was at the courthouse for this same terror scenario, Joe Satraini was portraying a Bailiff, attacked be with a sword in the courtroom, and was killed or injured in defense, then, I went home afterwords.

The reports of terrorism is answered with more terrorism, what you see there happened moments ago, the paper is still on the front porch, I did not open the door or invite the SAG terrorists into my home.

The one on the right looks remarkably similar to one of three men who claimed to be Secret Service, US Army, and FBI representatives who came to my home about this same time last year, I wrote about that, it’s on this account somewhere from the day it happened. I referred to them as “The Three Bozos” because they each had ID indicating that they indeed were from the agency’s mentioned, but were wearing casual street clothes. That one on the right looks like the “FBI” representative from that day, who was wearing a black leather or fake leather jacket that day. That one was dressed more “down town“ in the leather and slacks, while the other two Bozos were dressed for cutting some fire wood, in flannel and blue jeans.

That day one year ago, the NAMM Winter Music Industry Trade Show had just ended, or was under way, my assessment was that the three were musicians, disguised, came to kill me for my Medicare status to perpetuate my prescriptions with help from Paine Specialists of Southern Oregon in Medford.

So, that looks like the same guy there on the right, is dressed as Josephine County Sheriff Deputy today.

That other one on the left did all of the talking, said my neighbors went to the courthouse to file a “stalking order”.

Co-incidentally, my swollen leg with internal burning sensation is so bad today and yesterday that I can barely walk, I cannot feel my right foot, it’s as if it’s not there, except that my right foot feels frozen, is very painful, but like a club on the end of my leg ... hurts bad, is frozen cold, and when I try to walk it’s as if I have no foot to stand on sort of feeling from the poison gasses that the people who filed the stalking order have been poisoning me with by blowing the gasses into my home through the weep holes in the windows and cracks around the doors, forced through the weatherstripping they ruined years ago, and the gas is also blown through the laundry dryer vent, and condensation vent for the heating unit. and down the chimney with a long extension tube made of fiberglass folding tent supports.

The coincidence is that I am having trouble wearing socks to warm my foot, the sock is hindering the circulation, makes it feel colder, so, I tried a different sock. I put on one black sock, and one white sock on the other foot while trying to find one that will help warm up my frozen painful foot, but nothing is working.

I put the black sock on, and just a short time after having one black & white sock on my feet, the black & white shows up, within about an hour or two. There must be a camera inside my house for that to have happened, or, someone saw through the window that much about what I am wearing on my feet.

That is how terror is done, they will say my foot hurts because it was cold out when I was stalking the terror army in the neighborhood.

==========================================

3:53 pm:

This asshole right here:

https://twitter.com/POTUS/status/1364984502133657602

This fucking guy here:

https://twitter.com/POTUS/status/1365019986104836109

That one, on the left of the screen there:

https://twitter.com/POTUS/status/1365032380705087488

It’s a symbolic snuff movie.

You need to watch the signer, there are two signer’s, one is the guy the signed the contract to kill me, and the other is the one who is using church gang signs to say there is a snuff movie online somewhere.

Savvy sleuths could find the web address where a series of live murders took place today, that’s my call on that Joe Biden terror snuff pay-per-view infomercial from the @POTUS Twitter account today.

Most likely at a “Voyeur” website where cameras are arranged in a house, and everyone thinks that the people who live there do that for free intentionally just for you to watch. Reality is that an advertisement from @POTUS can say when and where the web site for a live steaming snuff murder is to take place online. It all happens within a short time, the camera feed is changed from the actual location via blue tooth temporarily, and the snuff video feed is inserted into the Voyeur website, where no one is ever there anyway, is just a cat and dog running around in a recorded loop. Club members are invited to watch.

Hint: If the Twitter account says: “He/Him”; “She/Her”; “They/Them”; “We/Us” or one of a few other “Pronoun‘s” that are described better at Whitehouse.gov “Contact Us” web site, are all “Club Members” and know where and how the find access to the “Voyeur” URL’s. Don’t report terrorism to the White House, that is one of the most dangerous things a person could ever try to do.

Try 376 Jackpine Dr., 97526 for the source of today’s Presidential murder fetish and baby raping entertainment study.

The thing that makes all of that worse is that Joe Bides in only a place holder for Ann Wilson and Roger Waters, who are the people who are really running the activities of the White House and Congress, and it’s all done from a place called Kauai Ranch in the state of Hawaii.

There is no Joe Biden any more. The videos are all from his Vice Presidency time, edited by Hollywood movie professionals to fool you.

Below are some of the parts to the hit order commanded on Twitter yesterday to have those fake deputies come to do a snuff set-up. Maybe they were supposed to cart me over to Chartrand’s at 376, or to the usual torture center next to my house at 520 Jackpine. I may have fouled up that attempt when I showed that I had a camera.

There are still many other scenarios in place as mentioned in other entries on this account.

Yesterday, the Monroe terror cell saw that I was unable to walk to the mailbox because my leg is hurting so bad, that I was limping and the pain got worse as I walked towards the road, so I turned around and walked back home because of the affects of the constant poisoning the Monroe’s and others are subjecting me to. So, they saw I was injured, and am an easy to capture prey, and Twitter arranged the hit order as a result, having had Monroe’s confirmation that I am hurt bad, can‘t get to the mailbox, and am limping in pain.

This is the first parts of the hit order from yesterday.

Here, Paski’s shirt has a hole in the side. That is representative of me, the victim marked for take out. They have not decided how to do the hit yet, just the order to to a “Tiger Woods Hole in One w/Leg Injury on the back of a Grand Jury notice in the mailbox”

https://twitter.com/ABCPolitics/status/1364637337045590017

This is not well known in circles outside of Hollywood DC terrorism, but I know what that spiral staircase is, that is a “Mitt Romney & The Mormons at Red Rocks”, is the same as “Allah & The Virgins at the Hollywood Bowl” terror comm. That puts Mitt Romney’s signature on the hit at my house.

There is a lot talk about “The Saudi King” in today’s 2-25-2021 WH Press Briefing, and all of that is about Mitt Romney. There is way too much more to add here, I should not have to solve my own murder, I need an interview from US national security and some medical attention.

https://twitter.com/NatGeoTravel/status/1364590974400421891

This below means: “Old Knowledge came out of the China Hutch” means old Christian secrets are exposed, is specific to Heroin use and Heroin driven terror soldiers. Ultimately the “China needs to be hidden away, deleted” is what that is presented on Twitter for.

https://twitter.com/CNN/status/1364762178079842306

This one is simple: “Stone Take Out”

https://twitter.com/CNN/status/1364621187238793218

There is more I need to find, I am having trouble finding Psaki’s Wardrobe change yesterday where she took off the dress with the hole in it, and put on a black & white dress with a Chevron Print Design feature on the bust of the dress. That is when the means to do the hit at my house was decided to me a “Black & White Sheriff ‘Shove Ron’ Build Back Heart Attack, Better American Rescue Plan” (Ron Howard’s Master Class Signature went on the hit order at that time.)

There is much more, dozens of ingredients to the hit order with those two deputies as the set-up and potential carry out order operatives are available to find on Twitter over the past 24 hours, and, are also contained in Music Industry Promotional Email today from Kramer, Robert Keeley, Eastwood Guitars, Premier Guitar Magazine, Vintage King Audio, D’Angelico new York, AMS, and Zzounds Music, all of them have put a signature onto the Twitter Presidential command to kill me and take down this account, is all still active and ongoing.

I need to find the Psaki Wardrobe Change from yesterday to the black & white “Shovron Dress”, and add it here.

What are the odds that it’s still on Twitter? There were multiple tweets from a variety of major news networks, I think they have all been deleted because it’s too easy to see that it’s a “Shovron“, and Ron Howard does want to go to the gas chamber for Treason for having directed the World Trade Center Collapse in 2001, and, the others he was working with who directed and took part in the attack at the Pentagon that day, also don‘t want to face a firing squad in Texas for their participation in the treason, and Ron is going to sing like a little Twitter Bird, live, at 376 Jackpine on a voyeur channel, when the real police find him.

Ron‘s friends will do it for free, coming soon, to a war theater near you.

There is no where to go Ron.

Either the real police find you, and you get the gas chamber, or, your friends at the Pentagon find you, and they make it hurt at the One Hour Martinizer at 520 Jackpine.

That was a bad idea Opie.

=====================

Twitter, says, that FOX news says, that Mitt Romney says, that all of the GOP is signing the contract on the hit to kill me at my house:

https://twitter.com/FoxNews/status/1364533033806663684

This is all because I asked the White House to send some help. I informed of the mass murders, again, to the White House ... I think I have made about ten or twelve official reports to the White House  over the course of time since Gearge W. Bush was president, and have made at least two tries to reach each of the US Presidents since Bush, they sent confirmation of receipt. Obama sent a little bug that deleted the email receipt, and Joe Biden sent the exact same one, but I still have the receipt the White House sent, last time I looked. They all want to play stupid, as though they did not recieve any important news about US Takeover by a Canadian terror army the uses poison gasses to kill the US Citizens so the Canadians can replace the US citizens.

The reason for that, the reason that the WH won‘t send help is that everyone of the elected officials in DC and all of the State Governors were all “elected” by Canadians who are using the names of millions of murdered US Voters.

All of the US Government was elected by murderers, who are also impostors.

That is why there has been no help sent to stop the terrorism.

911 Emergency Phone Service is manned with Canadian terror soldiers and SAG actors who are waiting there to dispatch assassins to anyone who reports terrorism, murder, poison gas, etc.

Same at FBI.Tips.Gov. It’s manned with terror soldiers. When I make a report there, assassins come to my house to kill me.

I have made a dozen or so attempts to get help from FBI. I called a few times, and was attacked by state police who filled me with tasers. The taser guns have two darts, they used the two darts, then went back to the squad car to get another taser gun, and shot those two darts at me when I telephoned FBI.

I went to FBI in Medford in Person twenty years ago, that did not work for getting any help when the terror army was murdering the Fourth Graders at Manzanita Elementary School by taking the students on one-way feild trips, the buses returned without any kids on them.  I think I remember Celine Dion was on one of those buses to animal park in Eugene or Salem Oregon area.

no one will help.

The celebrity women are too pretty, and they serve the terrorism by distracting any real police that might do an investigation. no one is going to arrest Celine Dion, even if she is on the bus where no students returned from the field trip.

That is the kind of services that SAG can provide to the murders. As long as Antonio Bandaras and Vanna White are around, there will be no investigation, just a hotel room by the hour is all that will happen for entertaining federal investigators.

==========

5:38 pm:

This part here takes the Psaki involvment to Angela Merkles doorstep, then, it takes another step to D’Angelico Guitars of new york.

Today’s WH Press Brief included Psaki saying “There is a Range on the Table”. This Tweet says the range is between -24 and 18, is German, is nation wide, if think about what the tweet really is suggesting, nation wide is the message, German is the nation. The Range is on the table, that cannot be good. Go listen to Press Secretary Jen Psaki for yourself from today, that press brief was live as the sheriffs came to my house, they had a live view of what I was doing on my computer as I was arranging the photos, getting them from the hijacked Yahoo mail, and saving them after putting the Stone Man stamp on them. The people at the news brief commented about the label I used as I was doing that in Microsoft Paint and commented live in code of that, as it was not expected that I would put a water mark on my photos so Monroe can’t easily steal them to change the story.

https://twitter.com/bbcweather/status/1364595973717123077

Jen Psaki’s Wardrobe change videos that were available yesterday at the same time when she was also wearing that blue/purple dress with the hole in it are all purged in classic Google fashion.

The hole in the side of Paski’s dress means “Pay-Per-View”. The “ShoveRon” Black & White dress she changed into videos are all gone, not available to see on Twitter today.

The terror nieghbors are coninueing to release airborne poison gasses right now and all day. My symptoms are worsening.’

My vision was nearly perfect this morning, but now I can barely see, Monroe’s are still blowing the poison gasses into the ambient air and around my house.

Do your own math.

It’s no wonder why there are no reports of real terrorism anywhere other than on this Tumblr account, no one can survive unless they have the kind of knowledge that I do, that the nitrous gas is flammable, but this other gas that causes the circulation problems and rash, and leg swelling, I don’t think is flammable.

I suspect A-1 Exterminators on 7th Street in Grants Pass to be a source of the so called “Boutique Gasses” the terror army has developed, and also “Blue-Star Gas” on Pleasant Valley Road across from the Moose Lodge in Merlin Oregon located on the rail road track that comes by on Russell road.

That train has been running at odd hours, is way off the usual schedual, and has been nearly silent when it has been going by since the time I made the terror report to the White House and is likely the source of the poison gas I am experiencing the poor vision and leg circulation symptoms from. The train tracks are less than 1600 feet away from my house. They use gas tanker cars to release gas along the track, and they have special vehicles that can ride on train tracks, then ride on paved roads to disappear into freeway traffic, refill, and start over again in Merlin at the rail crossing at Pleasant Valley Road next to “Blue-Star Gas” which is labelled as a propane dealer, has a lot of pressure tanks for carrying airborne gasses.

This looks like orders to use the rail road to release gas in the neighborhood.

https://twitter.com/ABC/status/1365105999896408067

The poison gas symptoms on my leg have increased from swelling at the right foot and shin area with a substantial very itchy rash on my shin and calf, to both feet are swollen now, I can’t feel my foot on the right when I try to walk, it feels icy cold on my foot, is burning intensity all inside my whole right leg, and the rash on my shin is making tiny blisters that pop and ooze a clear liquid. There is no where I can go for medical services.

US Citizens cannot get medical treatment in COVID USA. It’s a slaughter, not a virus.

US Population is being snuffed out like bugs in a jar, by the government that was hijacked by terrorists long ago. They have been taking over hospitals for decades in preparation to roll out Corona Virus, where “boutique” poisons make the symptoms as Twitter promotes the fear and concern that makes the people go to the hospitals where Ron Howard kills them on camera, and Nancy Sinatra casts a look-a-like replacement from Canada.

Betty White and Tom Hanks do the hosting at the awards celebrations, while Metallica and MegaDeath play as the musical guests at the events.

==================

When someone reports terrorism and points out who the murderers are, all the murderer needs to do is claim that the person is stalking them, and in the courtroom the Judge always sides with the plaintiff on that, and the defendant who needs to reach help to stop the murders is ordered by the courts that they are no longer able to use the name of the murderer publicly.

That is one of the ways the courts serve the terrorism, they can make sure that the murders name is not spoken, revealed, written, or otherwise mentioned. Meanwhile the terror murders continue while the eye-witness is persecuted, held captive in their home, forced into silence and ultimately killed and replaced by a SAG or Canadian terror operative.

The courts will effectively force me to delete this whole account with that stalking order if I am told not to say the names of the people who are killing me with poisons, shooting at me daily, holding be captive for decades.

=========

7:51 pm:

As it stands right now, these listed items below are some of the pre-arranged scenarios that are already in place for a “Ivanka Trump Opportunity Zone attack on a Jesus Gauntlet”

This Gauntlet is planned with events all in place for an attempt to kill me, all include set-up for a frame of some crime they will say I did, and all include the author of this account is not harmed. Instead, it will be said the someone else was killed, and a stand-in replacement will take control of this account. The way it sits right now, the account is set-up in advance for a court ordered deletion, where my replacement look-a-like will delete the account because the Judge ordered it due to so many mentions of so many terror soldiers and terror leaders all over the world.

The “new me” will just access the account controls after I am killed by a rock star bailiff in disguise, and no further mention of it will be made after that.

USA will lose.

Terrorism and murder, slavery and captivity will prevail.

Court day for stalking order.

Groceries at the Walmart.

Drivers License renewal at Beacon Ave DMV. They will say I need a vision exam for corrective lenses.

The Eye-Doctor Visit is one I need to survive.

Then, back to the DMV again if I survive the Eye-Doctor.

Dr, Visit at the terror SAGClubMed fake doctor at Pain Specialists of Southern Oregon,

Walgreen’s if I survive, if not, the Rock Star Bailiff picks up my prescriptions increased to “MAX: Maximum Allowable per Medicare Part-D Rules” so that SAG Musicians can get high on a disabled guys medicine.

There is a day I need to go to JP Morgan Chase Bank every year, the bastards know that I need to do record keeping, and created a situation where I must go to the Chase Bank rather than do any other way of doing the record keeping I am required to do, Carpenters Union participates in that one every year, and they want their share of the loot when I am killed also. Los Angeles Carpenters Pension Trust specifically.

Centurylink has those trenching markers out front, so I have to survive that when the start digging.

There is Grand Jury they say I am forced to participate in. That is really just for the successful assassin to go check in with the sheriff office and Courts when they kill me, but also they do take out work at both places.

The Pacific Power Corporation Asplundhe Tree Service Power Line Easement Inspection and “Standing Dead & Proximity Trimming” event at my house is in place if I survive some of those other “Jesus Gauntlet” scenario’s.

that makes nine or ten major events that I need to survive and a few small ones.

So, that, plus survive the usual daily attacks and poisonings.

And worst of all ... I need to get my mail out of the mailbox, walk down my driveway past the Monroe’s terror cell, and make it back to my house alive during that time frame, and beyond that if I am able to survive the Jesus Gauntlet this next two months or so.

So, fair warning, I am not likely to make it through these pre-arranged Ivanka Triump Opportunity Zone murder scenario’s. Each one of those listed events has at least one written screenplay to use as a basis for the attack plan. The screenplays have all been done thousands of time by the terror cells who run the murder scenario’s. They have it down to a science for killing most unsuspecting US Citizens who simply are trying to run some errands, do some shopping, deal with some banking, go to a doctor appointment, or were roped into having to appear in a court hearing. Most don‘t make it back from the mailbox at the end of the driveway.

==========

8:41 pm:

Trending on Twitter now:

It’s a command order from Google high command (Vatican Choir; Amp Guru; Kauai Ranch Members of “The Green‘s of Olde Three Ply” terror cell; and the Pope) to do a “Ben Hur” or a version of that one movie about Jesus I forget what it’s called, or, “Faces of Death” (That one has been in discussion all day coded into the Twitter news stories from most of the Verified Accounts I read. Go look for the photos in news today featuring famous people making funny faces, means “Jesus Face Toast”, translates to “Christian Cinema” “Krysten Sinema” today)

The “Christian Cinema” command order is to produce a wicked snuff movie, one that is equivalent of the one they made at north Valley High School in around 2003 - 2004 or so, when the students were forced to do a Olympic Style Competition, were killed at the various events, each event was transformed into some kind of medieval contraption at the Decathlon ... it was forever known as the “Decapathon” by the surviving students at the school. The movie is called “The Making of Ben Hur” I am pretty sure, is composed of about 200 high school students being horribly murdered with machinery all disguised as part of the Decathlon track & field events. The people that made the movie had very expensive professional movie making equipment including the kind of “Rabbit Cam” that are used at a Dog Race Race Track, the thing the dogs chase after around the track, is on a rail. That was used at the “Hurtles” event, where the “Hurtles” were regular hurdles fitted with blades that spring out as the running high school student tried to clear the obstacles on the track at the Junior Varsity Football Field at the school. The students were laying in the track with severed limbs as that rabbit went around from victim to victim to get the best angle for the movie that was produced that day.

I am talking about dead high school students here, and the movie that was made of their murders.

no one cares about US High School Students, or disabled people, or elderly people in the care homes who cannot possibly defend against James Hetfeild when he is killing them to get high on pain meds.

Christian Cinema (Krysten Sinema) is a unpleasant thing to see this evening on Twitter.

Do you remember the final scenes of Braveheart? On that stage where he was disemboweled? That is a real thing that is done in Oregon when people are tortured at 520 Jackpine next door to my house.

So, Twitter is still Tweeting, that means no help is ever to come to Oregon, or anywhere, they are going to keep doing the slaughter, and keep making movies of the murders.

Trending on Twitter: “Christian Cinema”

https://twitter.com/search?q=Sinema&src=trend_click&vertical=trends

=============

9:23 pm:

In other news:

This thing here reminds me of my visit to the Dole Pineapple Plantation in Hawaii. I think it’s close to the Maui Isthmus. There is a maze/labirynth there sort of like that snow maze there.

At Dole, there are assassins that shoot at people in the maze from tower sort of structures that are in there. The shooting does not start until the marked victims are deep in the maze, it takes about an hour to make it out of there.

Also, that trap door I sometimes mention that  is in the floor of the sheriffs office in Josephine County, where there is a chair that tips over, and dumps the unsuspecting sheriff visitor down into the tunnels that are below the sheriffs office and go all under the whole city of Grants Pass Oregon.

That trap door works with the same kind of mechanisms as does the table on the marble maze game called “Labyrinth”. The trap door tips over one direction, then another direction, and the victim who is seated at the sheriff’s desk is dumped into a hole under his office on F Street behind the Walmart.

The man who built that door is the same man who’s wife made the exploding statue that blew up a big bus, and a number of people who were on it, a deputy Strohmeyer, Frank Skraw sheriff of Klamath Falls was on that bus for awhile, maybe he exploded on it, some deputies from Grants Pass were on it, and some from Jackson county were also on the bus that exploded in Medford at the Sears a few years ago, February 7 2017 I think is was.

Any way, the man that built the sheriff office trap door in the floor, was Dan Fauley, former address 344 Tunnel Creek Road in Hugo area. Dan’s wife Lynn made the exploding C-4 Statue, I was supposed to have been put on that bus.

I wrote about all that stuff before, it’s all been documented for many years, no one cares.

Dan Fauley also built the remodel work that was done at the Washington Ave Post Office Facility on the corner of Hillcrest Ave. at the front entrance after the place exploded once long ago. There are no reports of any explosion happening there, but the entrance and other parts of that building did blow up. Dan Fauley did the remodel work. I think he transformed what used to be the lobby rest room into some other kind of holding pen for keeping captive victims inside of where that rest room used to be in the Post Office Lobby on Washington Ave. That place is called the “Postal Annex” by most of the older local terror soldiers and is “The Stork” terror cell HQ for this area. The name “Postal Annex” is a decoy, detour, road block, distraction service put in place by the terror army. When someone asks about the “Postal Annex” while trying to report terrorism to the Postal Inspector General in Portland Oregon, the Inspector General denies that such a place exists at all, they claim that there is no postal office facility there on Washington Ave, and that the person making the report about what they saw should contact the Oregon Better Business Bureau in Salem Oregon instead. Inspector General claims that the place is a private company and is not a USPS facility.

The Inspector General insists that the only 97526 Post Office is on the corner of  6th & G Streets in Grants Pass.

Oregon is a breeding ground of terrorism, it’s a training center, the whole state is a place where “Terror Policy” and “Models of Terror Systems of Murder” are perfected, and then duplicated, rolled out the same in other cities around the world.

https://twitter.com/CNN/status/1365158181098442752

For some perspective about how long Oregon has been hijacked, by whom, when and where killing systems were installed, and how to find the responsible people, you need only study the boat ramps on the Rogue River from Shady Cove to Galice Oregon.

Almost all of the boat ramps are installed backwards.

Most of the boat ramps are secluded, that also is part of the planning of the backwards boat ramps. That seclusion assists the terror army to take victims at the backwards boat ramps on the Rogue River. The boat ramps are all installed such that as you back the boat into the water, the ass end of the boat is directed into oncoming river flow. The boat, trailer, truck, dog, wife in the passenger seat, ice chest and fishing gear all go down river as a result of backwards boat ramps on the Rogue River. There is always a two foot tall cliff under the water where the trailer wheels are at as the boat should begin to start to float. When the trailer wheels fall off that little cliff, the boat is still attached to the trailer, and the trailer to the truck that pulls it. The current is very strong, and inexperienced boaters go down river every time with all of their stuff.

Three Boys Towing is just around the bend, in the tow truck, waiting to get word from the “Friendly Canadian Fly Fisherman who is at every boat ramp tying flies” at the side of each boat ramp, he is there with his wife waiting for tourists to launch a boat, and calls Three Boys Towing as soon as the trailer and truck are under water while using the nitrous oxide to capture the boat owner as he is trying rescue his wife, kids, boat, motor and trailer.

Three Boys gets all of that stuff out of the water, they do it every day, no problems. Then, DMV makes the necessary VIN changes after some Lithia Dodge mechanics do a cleaning, get the water out of the carburetor, and, title switch, and licensing is transferred to some other person if needed. If not, then an attack team takes all of that stuff back to the victims home to prey on their family and friends, and the terror army grows exponentially that way, in fifty states where the tourist boaters come from.

The boat ramps are state wide like that. The boat is not supposed to go ass end into the oncoming current, the ramp is supposed to go with the current as the boat is launched into the water, which also allows that the boat goes into the current to put it back on the trailer, as it should be.

It’s not the way should be though, it’s all backwards.

All of the boat ramps have some metal brackets, rebar, chunks of iron just below the surface of the water, and at the sides of the ramp, all of them have an accident waiting to happen built in to them, and the hospital never has been close by, even before they were all hijacked, so, it’s all for terror advance of Global Domination, has been there a long time at the boat ramp, installed by Kitzhaber government.

=================

11:20 pm:

Please send help to Oregon.

I haven‘t opened my door yet today, presumably that paper those fake sheriff’s brought is still on the front porch.

I don‘t know the details the fake stalking order says.

There were two time today after that when terror soldiers where hiding under my kitchen window, they are waiting for me to open the door, but that is not unusual, waiting under the window is unusual, they usually don‘t make so much noise like today, so, they wanted me to open the door. That was when the blurry vision gas was thickest this afternoon.

I am not going to get the mail until my leg feels good enough to walk on it without as bad as does now, so, no local conditions will be happening tonight.

There are no signs of helpful people, around here you get a visit from a sheriff only to make trouble, make life more difficult, to bring the victim into the bottleneck kill zone at the courthouse where the fingernail clipper is taken away so the rock star in disguise bailiff can use the sword on a unarmed disabled citizen in the fake hearing.

They don‘t do law enforcement, public safety, or national security work in Oregon.

Please send help. Please send US Military. Bring your own hospital. Stay away from local authorities.

[kalluun-patangaroa]

An Audience With… Brett Anderson

UNCUT Magazine

December 2010

Interview: John Lewis

Brett Anderson has some fans in odd places. This month, Uncut’s email boxes are positively heaving with questions from adoring fans in Peru, Serbia, Japan, New Zealand, Belgium, South Africa, Slovenia and Russia. “I’m quite popular in odd places,” he says. “Suede had No 1s in Chile and Finland. We were massive in Denmark. If asked why Denmark, my stock answer was that, well, I’m a depressed sex maniac and so are most Scandinavians. We toured China long before most Western pop groups. I remember playing Beijing, to a crowd divided by armed soldiers facing the audience. That was pretty scary.” Anderson is currently back in the Far East, speaking to Uncut as he overlooks Kowloon Harbour, preparing for solo dates. Later in the year he’ll be in London for a big O2 show with Suede (sans original guitarist Bernard Butler, although the two remain good friends). “I wanted to check out what the stage was like at the O2 Arena,” he says. “So I went to see The Moody Blues with my father-in-law. Come on, you can’t argue with ‘Nights In White Satin’. What a tune!”

I presume you’re aware of the ‘reallybanderson’ Twitter account purporting to be by you. Amused or offended? Helen, Birmingham

Twitter is one of those strange things, like Facebook, that I don’t have anything to do with. But I have to grudgingly admit that the reallybanderson Twitter updates are rather funny [starts giggling]. And the guy doing it is obviously a bit of a Suede fan, because there are some very detailed references to b-sides and bla-di-blah. I can’t exactly complain about it without coming across as a real tit. It’s just fun and no-one really thinks it’s me, it’s a cartoon version of me reflected through some fairground mirror. I don’t think anyone reads it and thinks, ‘Oh, Brett Anderson has Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo doing his washing up, or Brett punched Damon in the street.’ It is, ha ha ha, quite witty. Having shown them the picture inside the Best Of Suede CD, my kids would like to know why you refused to feed me for five years? Also – can my mum have her top back? And are you around for a trip to the Imperial War Museum? Bernard Butler

Yes, what most fans don’t realise is that we kept Bernard in a cage for five years, and fed him edamame beans and tap water. Regarding his mum’s top – he should know that it’s long been ripped up and destroyed by the front row of the Southampton Joiners, or somesuch venue. Now, the Imperial War Museum – me and Bernard were talking about getting older the other day and he said: “Are you finding yourself increasingly interested in British military history?” And I have become oddly fascinated with watching WWI docs on YouTube. It’s not just the personal tragedies, but the sense of it being a shocking transition point between the Victorian world and modernity. The idea that they were going into war on horseback, and by the end of it they were in tanks. Blimey. So tell Bernard I will be going to the museum, soon… What’s your favourite Duffy song? Kris Smith, Wembley

I thought “Rockferry” was a very beautiful, stirring track. So that’s the only one I know well, but I’m really pleased for Bernard that that was a big success [Butler co-wrote and produced much of the album]. He’s an incredibly talented person and works incredibly hard, and he’s one of those people who is just obsessed with music. People like that deserve success. Did I ask him to join the Suede show at the O2? No. I told him about it, but he’s moved on so far from Suede that it would have been odd, and we’ve had a completely different lineup since he left. I don’t think he’d want to be jumping around a stage again! He’s much happier doing what he does now, I think he’s really found his calling. Do you still have your cat, Fluffington? Claire Vanderhoven, Holland

Unfortunately, he’s ascended to cat heaven. He had 15 long years of adoration. Am I getting another cat? Well, I recently got married, and my wife brought two Italian greyhounds with her. I don’t know if anyone is aware of them, but Italian greyhounds are like little cats. Ours are eight years old but look like miniature foxes, bonsai greyhounds. But incredibly fast, like little bullets. When they’re not running they spend their whole life under the duvet. Someone once told me they were bred by the Pharaohs as bedwarmers! Brett, do you have a copy of the single I recorded with Suede: “Art” b/w “Be My God”? If so, could I have one? Mike Joyce

Mike, I think I destroyed my copy years ago. I’m not one to keep memorabilia. They’re about 100 quid on eBay. Mike was an early member of Suede. We were advertising for a drummer and listed The Smiths as an influence. Then at an audition, their drummer pokes his head through the door and says, “Hello, lads!” Ha! It was a bit Jim’ll Fix It. I don’t think anyone thought it was going to last, Mike was far too big a name for us. But he just took us under his wing, guided us through the industry, and was so charming. I still keep in contact with him. What’s the weirdest story you’ve heard about yourself? Badabingbadaboom

Someone once told me that they’d heard a story about me wanting to shit in someone’s mouth. But I also heard the same story about David Byrne, so I think it’s one of those urban myths that gets transferred from one slightly kooky pop star to another. That’s probably the most unsavoury thing I’ve heard about myself. Maybe I should give it a go. Which actors would you like to play the lead members of Suede in a biopic? James Kumar, Manchester

This is the kind of thing we talk about on tour. Matt Osman is convinced I should be played by Peter Egan, who was in Ever Decreasing Circles. I think Nic Cage should play Matt. Arsène Wenger reminds me of Bernard. That’s what Bernard will look like when he’s 60. Billy Idol could play Simon Gilbert, couldn’t he? Would you ever consider working in musical theatre? Neil Tennant

It’s funny he should ask that, because only the other day, I was listening to the album Neil and Chris did with Liza Minnelli in the late ’80s. Results, I think it’s called, with “Losing My Mind”. That sounded great, so emotive, and real. I’m a big fan of the Pet Shop Boys, they’re one of those amazing bands that almost created their own genre. But anyway, musical theatre. Yeah, I think I would. Sondheim? Rodgers and Hart? Definitely. I’m always open to new ideas. Musical theatre sounds like it’s going to have camp undertones, but I’d love to do it in an interesting way. What’s the worst song you’ve ever written? Mark Catley, Christchurch, NZ

That’s a good question. I wrote lots of terrible songs that were never recorded in the early days. But there’s a song called “Duchess” – a B-side to something from the Head Music era [actually to 1997 single “Filmstar”] – which is pretty rubbish. I’ve often regretted the production on certain songs, like “Trash” and “Animal Nitrate”, even though they’ve been pretty good songs. But you can’t go messing around with things like that. You start to interfere with what people originally liked about it. I also think people like your mistakes, as they give your work humanity. I quite like that about Prince. He seems to throw stuff out – some of it genius, some unlistenable – but all quite honest. I respect that. Do you enjoy art? Excited about Gauguin at the Tate? Katarina Janoskova, London

Absolutely. I’m a big fan of Gauguin and the post-impressionists. My favourite visual artist, if I had to narrow it down to one, would be Manet, the pre-impressionist. Not Monet, who doesn’t do it for me. But Manet had this revolutionary technique of painting on black, which gives his pictures a real depth, there’s something very sumptuous about his paintings. And further back, the kind of medieval-style stuff like Holbein and Brueghel – they’re so well observed and so real. You look at these pictures of people who lived 500, 600 years ago, you can imagine them walking down Tottenham Court Road now, the same face, they’re so real. It’s a little window into the past. I’ve quite got into art recently. It’s all part of expanding yourself and your education, appreciation of beauty in life, innit? Now that you’re no longer coming to work in Bow, how are you coping without the salad pitta? Leo Abrahams, musician and producer

Ha ha! I’ve been working on an album with Leo, in his studio, and I have an unhealthy obsession with East London’s kebab shops. You don’t get many good kebab shops in west London. It reminds me of being a student. I’m surprised Leo’s got the time to email you questions! He’s far too busy producing Eno or Grace Jones or Florence & The Machine. He also does these bizarre things where he plays entirely improvised gigs, no rehearsals. And that inspired the latest solo LP I’ve done with him. It was based on improvs. Me, Leo, Seb Rochford on drums, and Leopold Ross on bass just jammed for days, cut up them up and improvised, and did overdubs. It’s a full-on rock record. I love Leo, he’s great. He never takes the easy option. He pushes you a bit, which can be terrifying. Can you give us not-so-slim-in-2010 Suede fans some health tips? Simon Quinton, Oxford

My wife is a naturopath – she’s conscious of what she eats, so we eat a lot of sushi and seeds. I’ve got into cycling recently, particularly living in London, through the parks and the backstreets. It makes you fall back in love with the city. I cycled to Bow the other day from my house in Notting Hill. So that’s staving off the fortysomething belly. I’m sure I’ll get it when I’m fiftysomething. I’m looking forward to that. What do you think of Gorillaz? Ruiz, São Paulo, Brazil

To be honest, I don’t know much about them. I like the drawings. I guess that’s a veiled question about my relationship with Damon? Well, we don’t have a relationship to talk about. We all have things that happened years ago, rivalries and so on, and people assume that they’re still on your radar and part of your life. It’s like some musical soap opera, often one that’s been fabricated, without much substance. I have different issues in my life now. Is the art of songwriting dead? If it isn’t, who is flying the torch? Paloma Faith

Oh, it’s not dead at all. I’m constantly inspired by new music. If you look on YouTube, there’s a clip of me singing Christina Aguilera’s “Beautiful”. When you’re covering stuff it’s interesting to try things that are out of your genre, which gives it a frisson. So I always try songs that aren’t, you know, British indie, stuff like Blondie, or The Pretenders. That Christina Aguilera song is amazing. I try not to look at songs as the finished product, I look at it as the chords and the melody and the words, like sheet music to be interpreted. You’ve got to keep moving with your musical appreciation. I loved the last Horrors record, I liked The National, The Drums, These New Puritans, lots of stuff. I never listen to the records I grew up with. Why bother? It’s all in my head! Brett, you’re from Haywards Heath. What’s the deal with the swimming pool there? It’s deep in the middle, not at one end. What’s your take on that? And were you ever caught out by it? P Newman, Brighton

I don’t know what they’re referring to at all, but funnily enough my dad used to work there as a swimming pool attendant. And I don’t really know how he got the job because he couldn’t swim. It’s lucky there weren’t any accidents. Every Tuesday, we had to troop down to the local pool, and everybody would be pointing at my dad saying, “Oh look there’s your dad, he’s working as a pool attendant.” And I was hoping none of them would start drowning, ’cos my dad wouldn’t be much use. Still, this was the early ’80s, and I guess we all thought the world was going to end any second with a nuclear bomb. Ha ha.

[riskeith]

hii!

oh right! i forgot that you can see the ask while responding hehe. i wish that was the case for moi as well because i have all our convos screenshotted because of this.

(actually not really? like my appearance is super girly and i like ~girly~ things but i also love the dudebro culture.. it do be like that. wbu?) WHY DID THE TSUKISHIMA IS NOT A TR*MP SUPPORTER SEND ME.... now who the hell would even say that and be serious... some people man i’m telling you.

diluc 🤝 razor 🤝 fischl animals over their heads.

oo.. you sparked my attention.. will def check it out. i was too busy playing last night to read anything but Today I Will.

OH YEAH I’VE SEEN THOSE cyberpunk is such a messy game sndhdkdhfjsk. HOLY SHIT THAT TRAILER MADE ME SO EXCITED! sjshdkdjfjdk god this game is so amazing yet fucking huge... how the hell will it fit any phone if it keeps getting bigger and bigger..?

nooo don’t worry i’m having fun tbh. and i’m super motivated too so that might be the case. also i switched the dub to japanese just before venti’s story mission and i’m loving it so much. thankfully there isn’t too much battle yet to distract me but god i love all their voices so far. venti... hinata finally started to actual fly. i like diluc’s voice too! love his actually, super fitting for his character. 🥺

WOULD KEITH LOOK LIKE THIS IRL... he probably would 😭 greasy boy lived in the desert his hair is probably so bad 😭 what kind of mullet would you want though? like s1 keith or s7 keith? or do you have a specific kpop artist’s hair you wanna replicate? OOO.... rock star? 😳💢 what’s your clothing style if you had to describe it? also what are your thoughts about tattoos and piercings? since we’re on the topic of punk rock hdjdsksj.

idk why i find your beef with slow songs so funny aksjdhdjdhdjsk like i can just imagine you groaning bc a song doesn’t pick up the pace lol (omo...... where would we go? 😳)

treasure hoarders are fun to fight bc they just cuss you the fuck out sjdkdkshd. i like when they yell at you yet they’re so weak like fuck off dude. THE HILICHURLS ARE KIND OF CUTE YOU’RE RIGHT especially the ones that dance or sleep and you interrupt them... 🥺 personally i like fighting the slimes i think they’re adorable. they just bounce and their music isn’t too loud or annoying. you know what i fucking hate? goddamn ruin guards i can’t stand them and their aggressive music dhdjdkshs. their drop rates are shit but hilichurls are also the most common enemy, right?

after dinner? aww. same! it’s such a nice way to wind down; a cup of tea and some candle lights.. i love all of those flavors Except matcha, it just doesn’t work for me kdhddk i feel like green tea tastes like grass.. sometimes i drink it bc it’s healthy but i’m Not happy. otherwise i’m like you i drink practically everything. mostly black tea though because that’s what most common in my culture i suppose. djdkdj i used to be so good at drinking water but since i’ve been at home a lot it’s been getting worse... i do have a water bottle by my side always bc as much as i drink other things clean water is important too! are you good at drinking water?

do you know about the euphoria make up style though? it’s super colorful and lots of glitter and abstract shapes it’s so amazing and it would fit xiao so well. like imagine him in bold aqua and purple make up with lots of shimmer... 🥴

hehe, can’t wait to hear from you! <3 (and yeah! no i figure i’ll just keep it so you’ll at least know my name.. we’ve been talking since oct it’s only fair.. right?)

heya!! 

ghdgkjdfg i do be taking up your photo gallery tho <33

(:o! i reckon i’m pretty much of a tomboy, tho i’m definitely stereotypically girly too.. but sometimes i have a hard time relating to other girls so hsfjdhfksd) FHSKFSD yeah ikr like.... sometimes it really aint that deep there are no other sides to it LOL

i hope you enjoy it!!!!!!!!!!!!! i sure did i reread it as well a few days ago ahaha

IKRRR I REWATCH THE TRAILER AGAIN EVERY NOW AND THEN JUST BC LIKE,,,, THE HYPE. that’s actually a good point tho lmao like??????? buys a phone/device JUST for genshin fhsdkjfhskdfs

nice!!! hope you enjoy the japanese dub hehehe. and omg that’s so cute 😭😭😭 he’s tobe flying now... and yasss diluc’s VA is really popular too his voice is 👌 sehr gut

FHDFKJSDHK EWWW. yikes i don’t remember his hair but i think s1?? it was shorter then right... “tidier” lol i feel like at s7 it was kinda outta control fhskfjds. and yeah!! https://twitter.com/worldsbestmulet/status/1186534890415644673 < he was my insp for a bit bc we’re both chinese so i think realistically i could look somewhat close if i tried fhskjfhds but also https://i.pinimg.com/originals/de/7b/fc/de7bfc8c52603abd7c69dc558c9c8bfe.jpg is what i showed my hairdresser when i wanted an undercut hfksdjfds. my clothing style is legit just: whatever’s comfortable. it’s pretty much all sports branded clothes fhskfjsd and i live in my hoodie + trackies lollllll. but last year w uni i wanted to step up my fashion game (rip) and i wanna buy more street style clothes!! they’re just... quite expensive lmaooo. what’s yours like? 

and i like them!! when i was 14 i wanted to get a tongue piercing FKHDSHFKSDHFKSD but i never did lol. but i did get a double helix piercing in dec finally!!!!!!! i think i’m done now tbh (aside from that i only have my lobes pierced) but yeah it’s not a big desire of mine. i had a dream once tho where i was decked out in piercings and thought it was very Cool. as for tattoos, i’ve always wanted to get one! and last year i was lowkey toying around with the idea of getting a sleeve but realistically i cannot bc well. med. (if anyone reading this has a good stable well paying job for me that’ll allow me to quit uni... hmu FHSFHDSFKJSD) you??

FHSKDFHDS yeahhh it’s so awkward when people are recommending me songs and it’s slow bc im just like “mm yeah it’s nice.” and if it does actually pick up the pace then i’m like “i liked the fast parts” FHSDKFSD. (wherever you want to go baby 😉 wait omg..... read running on air that just have me.. roa vibes HFKJDSHFKSHFKSD) 

yes!! i love those hilichurls sm... AHAHAHH i used to hate ruin guards too but now they’re actually one of my faves dhfdskj. you know what’s so annoying tho. dendro slimes when i don’t have any pyro users on me. or when i can’t find them and the music has just started up out of noweher hfdskjf. yeahhh i think they are but :(( you can’t tell me “dropped by lvl 60+ hilichurls” and not have them drop it for me.. 

ahaha that’s fair!! i adamantly did not try anything matcha until like 2018/19 and then wow. a whole new world opened up to me and now i only get matcha whenever i go places fhdskj. ooft... yeah i’m really good at drinkng water it’s the only thing i drink lol... and i’m always just drinking and refilling my cup and giving myself an excuse to leave my room fhskjds.

yeah i think i have an idea! mostly just zendaya in the song thumbnails fhskdfjs but i am picturing a lot of glitter!! that image wow...... his colour palette is so 🤩🤩

(omg since oct... has it been that long already 😳 but okay if that’s what you’re happy with!! i promise i won’t accidentally out you here ahaha. also! when you reach co-op send me your UID in a separate ask!! i’ll delete it after i add you im just paranoid about you sharing your uid anywhere public hfskdjfhsd) 

babe.. this thread https://twitter.com/seungjinphobia/status/1349001013978533890?s=21 no thoughts head empty.

omg 😭😭😭😭😭😭 i cannot... their dynamic is literally xiao: someone’s gonna die >:( venti: of fun! :D JHFSKFHDSKJFSK i can’t take it someone stop them!!! ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhdkjfhaofisdhliajdfhdsjkfhgsliudfhasdkjhdasjgadsj

hope your day has been wonderful so farrrrr OH ALSO I FINALLY MADE MY GENSHIN TWITTER FOR CHONGYUN... will share over co-op maybe.. i haven’t really set it up yet hfskdjds

[fyodorsuggestions]

Tagged by @fy-soukoku

1. How did you come up with your username and what does it mean?

My A03 username, and main blog and twitter and facebook and freaking discord and literally every single thing is Darke_Eco_Freak either with hyphens, spaces or underscores and basically I was an edgy 11 year old who loved Jak II and the concept of the evil version of the protag Jak. Only I wanted to be extra Edge™ so I added an extra E to dark.

2. Which fanfic of yours has the most feedback? (bookmarks/subscriptions/hits/kudos)

Hits: Sex Pollen isn’t a real Thing (it was one of the first smuts I wrote and it’s kinda bad now whoops)

Kudos: Sex Pollen again

Comments: T(w)o Me, Fo(u)r Us, or as I call it 2/4

Subs: 2/4

3. What is your AO3 profile icon, and why did you choose it?

It’s been Virus from this piece of art for some months now. Why? Because Kat made it and I love it a lot so you know

4. Do you have any regular/favourite commenters?

Um damn, I haven’t gotten regular comments in a few months except from my friends whom I spam with my many many fics. I’m actually in another fandom I made another archive account for because reasons but yeah. My friends are my fave

5. Is there a fanfic that you keep going back to read again and again?

I haven’t actually read fic in a while, there’s one or two Daredevil ones I think about but I don’t go back and re-read, my attention span’s been pretty shit for a while.

6. How many stories are you subscribed to? How many do you have bookmarked?

I’m not subbed to anyone but I have bookmarked 6 fics

7. Which AU do you find yourself writing the most?

None really. My latest fandom isn’t really open for AU’s, well written Au’s at least and yes I’m forever salty over that. Hmm, if there’s one I like to toy with though it’s Evil AU’s, you know the villain turns bad AU? Love em

8. How many people are subscribed and bookmarked to you in total? (you can view this on the stats page)

Subs: 465

Bookmarked: 2133

I don’t really care though because A) I’ve been in a lot of fandoms since 2014 and I know most ppl are here for the porn as per comments on said porn.

9. Is there something you’d like to write about but are afraid of people judging you for it? (Feeling brave? If so, share it!)

Idgaf. I’ve written necro, cannibalism, torture porn, self-insert stuff. Honestly I dump most of what my other fandom wouldn’t accept on this one. Plus Fyodor is a very easy character to manipulate for me so it’s always fun.

10. Is there anything you would like to be better at? Writing certain scenes or genres, replying to comments, updating better, etc.

I’d like to be better about my chaptered fics, not abandoning them and things like that. Also, action scenes, I want to get better at those.  

11. Do you write rarepairs or popular ships more often?

I multiship myself to hell. For this fandom I write whatever catches my eye because I don’t know the characters all that well? The running meme of me not watching the show is still a thing. In my other fandom, I’m one of the few writers around and I write every single ship I can think of cause I can.

12. How many stories have you posted on AO3 to this day (finished and unfinished)?

One my darke account: 73, on my other account; 10 but I post a lot to tumblr and don’t really cross post all that much.

13. How many stories do you have saved in/with your writing program?

I can’t tell you that because I just keep huge word docs around but for the year I’ve written about 600 k so that’s cool.

14. Do you write down story ideas, or just keep them in your head?

I just write off the top of my head most of the time, I’ll talk out a plot with a friend sometimes but otherwise it’s just whatever I feel as the day goes.

15. Have you ever co-authored a story?

I have, two, soon to be three.

16. How did you discover AO3?

I think I saw someone on ff.net mention it and I started looking at the site.

17. Do you consider yourself to be a popular or famous author in your fandom(s) on AO3?

Fuck no lol. I’m here writing the rarest of pairs and writing oc/characters, not to mention in first person sometimes and those tags alone mean ppl won’t read. Eh, I’m just posting to archive to bolster the number of fics a character has tbh. (this is for BSD fandom but I’ve never been a popular/famous author in any fandom)

18. Do you have a nickname or fandom name for your readers?

Umm, half the time I’m not sure I have ppl beyond friends who read my fics so yeah.

19. Was there an author who inspired or encouraged you to write?

I’d say Lakshmi Persad, a local author. Mostly because I hated having to do that book in lit class and wanted to do better than her.

20. What writing advice would you give to a beginning author?

If you want it, make it. I’m serious, don’t count on anyone to make the content you want to see, do it yourself and people might follow suit, if not, at least you made it. Hella.

21. Do you plot out your stories, or do you just figure it out as you go?

I finish stories and still have no idea if I figured them out or not.

22. Have you ever gotten a bad comment on a story? If so, what did you do?

I’ve gotten a few, mostly I ignore them. But there was this one fic, it wasn’t for anyone but me and I shouldn’t have posted it at all but I did and someone told me that the characterization was completely wrong for the character I was writing and I ended up leaving the fic alone for months and months. I got back to it eventually but I’m not sure if I’ll ever finish that fic tbh.

23. Is there a certain type of scene that you have a hard time writing? (action, smut, etc..)

Action gives me joint pain. I just how do you make it flow?

24. What story(s) are you working on now?

I want it All

Deathless Sleep

Missing Pages

Five times he fell

Divine(d) Visions

2/4

Many lil drabbles and sexy times.

25. Do you plan your next project(s) before you finish your current ongoing story(s)?

I can’t plan to save my life

26. Do you have a daily writing goal set for yourself?

It used to be 300 a day now it’s 2k because apparently I hate myself. Most of the time I meet it, between the two fandoms I write for daily so yay.

27. Do you think you’ve improved as a writer since you first started?

Absolutely.

28. What is your favorite story that you’ve written?

Step back Through Time and Remember my Touch, definitely those two. One’s the original fic and the other is the sequel. Best things I wrote all year

29. What is your least favorite story that you’ve written?

Maybe Gone, that’s a really old one but god the cringe.

30. Where do you see yourself (as a writer) in 5 years?

Hopefully I figured out those damn action scenes.

31. What is the easiest thing about writing?

I think bringing the characters to life in my own head is the easiest thing.

32. What is the hardest thing about writing?

Not letting lack of feedback get to me cause I’m not writing popular shit, I don’t expect it but god damn it gets discouraging as fuck to see something I worked hard on just kinda flop and drown.

33. Why do you write?

I can’t do anything else and crave validation like the attention whore I am.

I’m tagging @chuuyasuggestions @kyusakusuggestions um idk who has archive shit. If you follow me and you see it, you have to do it okay? 

[tsurvivorbelize]

S88E1: “Her Name Is Actually Emily” - Kyle

The premiere of Tumblr Survivor 88: Belize takes 18 new castaways to the heart of the jungle and start their journey to become the newest Sole Survivor.

This episode covers DAYS 1 & 2. 

Honestly? I’m kinda loving this game. Everyone on my tribe seems really cool, and we’re seemingly working together well. Normally I enjoy some drama and getting my hands dirty a bit early on but based on first impressions with this tribe? I don’t think I’d mind if we all got our to merge- then again it’s just day 1, by day 10 I’ll probably be begging for a swap.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=efa-NmW_vnQ&feature=youtu.be

https://youtu.be/RR37pTsKF-w

I'm already getting shady and good vibes .I'm worried already but I hope things can get better

I’m super excited, idk how I feel about my tribe...idk I feel like not many people I will connect with but imma have to fake it until I make it

So I just spent the past few hours talking to everyone on the tribe and nearly forgot we had a challenge 🤷‍♂️. So yeah, I don’t think anyone is going to peg me as the brains of any operation, and I’m starting to think maybe I need to be assigned the “Very easy” puzzle. That’s not because I forgot we had a challenge though, that’s just because I’m stupid.

So at this point there is 3 people in my tribe who already know each other! At this the 3 left in the tribe could join forces and force a tie, which I find very risky at this point, or we could just suck those 3 ass and try to be in the majority alliance with them.

Good afternoon (although the time right now is 7am in Belize so I guess good morning) from the lovely Minanha tribe, and holy shit. I know Survivors are based around luck, but lucking out on having two guys I've known for about 5-6 years on my tribe as immediate easy allies is fantastic. Spike, I met through Minecraft UHCs years ago, where I teamed with him in one of my first games and it was great, and Adam I met through an SMP server run by somebody you guys may all know, Bodhi/Goldcap, and then I basically introduced Adam to a bunch of my other friend groups. Through this, there's a beautiful time to be had for this tribe and I'm just infinitely hoping that Adam and Spike don't stab me in the spine.

Hey so first day or 2 in tribe has been good, I like everyone! It helps I know Katy and Spike but also like I don't want that to put a target on our backs, and it'd be unfair to just work with those I already know, I will do but if needed I can be ruthless. Hopefully we win this challenge and then see what happens, if it goes to tribal well, that's when it gets interesting.

Spike and Axe have both accidentally said racial slurs without realising they'd said racial slurs because they'd never heard of them before and they made them both by just combining my name with Spike's name. Oh no. This tribe is fucked and we're all gonna die.

https://youtu.be/xUvO_y05KNQ

MY FRIENDS ARE FIGHTING ABOUT BRIE LARSON NOOOOOOOOOO.

https://youtu.be/HlsfD_JvUrs

When the hosts make a comment about adding hosts to alliance chats, and you then assume it means that alliances have sprouted.......then you realize you had three people ask you to work together, but alliances typically consist of 3 or more people and include a chat with those people......... Then you realize that means the probability of people disliking you is high and you’ve solidified your first boot status 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Okay so my tribe is a pretty decent I guess. Brien Weber isnt the kind of girl I like to be honest. He betrayed me and I voted him out my last org so this should be fun! Emily talks like a robot too btw? My closest ally is definitely Kyle. We have a lot in common and he thinks i'm cute so it's easy to flirt with him to get on my side. Taylor and Scott arent bad either. I'm building my relationship to them- maybe they could potentially turn into future allies for me :)

I think im gonna vote matt cause he doesn't talk much

https://youtu.be/VIheM4S1IHw

- I can’t believe I looked at Cas’ photo and thought he was an old white woman....my bad

- Aaron is really starting to turn me off. He’s acting crazy about voting off David. I mean I’m finna do it so I’m not a target but I got my eye on him.

https://youtu.be/1qEEEchOOqM

- So a few of my friends decided to take a trek into these temples and came back out with punishments and disappointment. However my lucky self came out with a no vote pass to give away to someone else. So if someone gets testy and decides to be shady as shit, then I'll gladly revoke their voting privileges! :D

- I really like my tribe. I'm getting really close with some people too! Like Jarret, he's like my best friend in the game right now and always makes me laugh. Then  Brien is my drinking buddy, Olivia, I mean Emily is my fellow Michigander, Taylor is my comedy bud, and Scott is my strategy co-conspirator.

- Okay, I keep telling everyone I'm not tired, but I'm fucking tired. Being social is exhausting. I should let everyone hate me and not give a shit if I'm honest.

https://youtu.be/TWCyhqBxyG8

https://youtu.be/gWjLMsOGjvs

- So, as luck would have it, I'm the only person on my tribe who got 3 points from that puzzle challenge, but even that was real close against Brien from No Vaxx or whatever that tribe is called. I wasn't sure what kind of scores to expect from anybody in this game, as I'm used to people who tryhard the fuck out of challenges rather than just submit a semi-good score, and honestly... these scores still don't tell me much whatsoever. Probably just that I shouldn't underestimate the girl who can do a puzzle in 10 seconds.

-  Veni, who is my host chat friend I've invited in, has raised a hilarious point as well. In every Survivor I've ever played, whether Minecraft or Discord or Twitter, I've never been perceived as a challenge threat before. The closest I ever got was when I stayed awake for 40 hours to win immunity at merge. But with my score here, and being the only person to get 3 points on my tribe... what if I finally, after being shit in other Survivor challenges for years, end up being a challenge threat? Crikey crikey.

https://youtu.be/wWNdip6Vxpc

-  Skype's auto-responses make me wanna end it.

-  My previous 2 or so confessionals have been submitted as Day 2, I apologise profusely, but anyway... I wanna take a confessional to comment on the guys in the tribe I don't know from outside the game. Christian, Pietro & Gevonte. I've only just managed to speak to Gevonte today, she's been very much busy and inactive but hey, she's here now and very fun to speak to. We've spoken a fair bit about the differences between FB & Discord Survivors, since neither of us have played Tumblr Survivors before (I think???), and with her inactivity I thought she was a sure fire easy first boot for the tribe, but now I'm not so sure. Pietro is a darling as well, and seems to be pretty much the exact same as a mutual me, Axe, Spike & Veni all have called Kaz, who's also from Brazil. Speaks very much the same as Pietro does, they both have the same mannerisms and same level of likeability and ease to speak to, and I think Pietro is a fun ally as well. And then there's Christian. Don't get me wrong, Christian is also very pleasant, very kind and clearly a lovely person to interact with, but when I compare them to my interactions for the first time with Gevonte or Pietro, they're much more... I guess the optimal word would be awkward to speak to. Maybe they're just not good with new people, maybe it's me and my Asperger's being weird, or maybe there's just not good chemistry between us, but I do value Christian, but at this point, based off nothing else because there's nothing else to base it off, I'd choose Christian as the tribe's goat, and the tribe's easy boot moving forward. Then again, I could just back stab Spike ^w^

I’m very concerned for Olivia. Everyone has now been in the talks of alliances, and her name is the only one that hasn’t been mentioned, and that’s not even because her name is actually Emily. They just haven’t brought her up. She’s such a sweetie though, so I really hope she gets some free time to do some more talking.

-  Okay let’s chat. My tribe...pretty lame. David is basically inactive. Cas has the personality of cardboard so far. Jay is actually cool. AARON IS THE MOST. He’s constantly sending me voice messages which idk why it irritates me but it does. Just message me dude. And he is so paranoid! He thinks everybody is always trying to cheat. Idk...where I come people play for fun and don’t aggressively cheat or maybe that’s just me. He’s pressed about not being able to talk cross tribal (dumb). AND he aggressively wants David out because he’s worried since David knows Madison he might log on to her phone or she might leak info to help him cheat. Boy bye. I’m not going to do anything about him yet because the beauty of being in a new community is I can play dumb like idk what I’m doing and I’m really trying to capitalize and act wholesome. Yikes when the confessional comes out 😅. But oh well. I’m just going to let Aaron explain how to play to me and coast through until I can reach Gevonte who will be my for real ride or die.

-  Madison is pretty.

Tumblr Survivor: Belize, condragulations, you are the winner.

So it's been almost a full round and.... I'm only JUST now talking to most of my tribe lmfaoo. Skype is so weird. Just it being on a different platform makes socializing weird for me. Because I have to remember skype exists. On top of that, everyone else on the tribe seems not all that talkative in and of itself. Granted I know I wasnt tosking all that much either, but since we're safe I need to spend the next few days making connections or else I'm just gonna be another nameless flop. And I've done TOO much of that on FB as it is!

Day 2 and everyone has gone mad already, talking about drag queens and other pop culture stuff.

https://youtu.be/uYl2b48z5GA

https://youtu.be/da7YR2Uz08A

Why does Christian keep asking me about my toilet?

[geekade]

Geekade Top Ten: Rick and Morty!!!

There’s a circular sort of mindset about animation. The original thought was of it being tailored toward adults. Then, at some point, animation was accused of only being for kids. There’s a generation lost to the fact that Johnny Quest, The Flintstones, and The Jetsons were all originally prime time fare. When The Simpsons showed up in 1989, there were cries of it eating away the brains of youth (thanks Barbara Bush). Of course, after that we moved on to The Critic and Family Guy (and Duckman for a brief time), but there were also Animaniacs and Freakazoid and Batman: The Animated Series. Oh, and Gargoyles and Futurama.

Most recently, a show started up that is well written, with a sometimes loose improvisational feel, that is totally for adults. I told a friend that he should watch the show and his response was: “I’m not 14 anymore, cartoons are for kids.”

What he called a kids show, of course, is Rick and Morty; the brainchild of Justin Roiland and Dan Harmon (of Community and Monster House fame). It’s rapidly become one of my go-to pieces of television when I can’t find anything else to watch. It is one of the few series that I WILL buy the DVD/Blu-Ray set for because I support it that much. I love the show SO much that I've joined forces with my Apathetic Enthusiasm co-host Travis to start a Rick and Morty podcast called Interdimensional RSS, conveniently located over at ApatheticEnthusiasm.com! (Check out the inaugural episode here!)

For this month’s Top Ten, I wanted to rank my favorite Rick and Morty episodes (though I will watch them all 50 more times). Let's begin. 

#10. Pilot (Season 1) - This is what started it all! (Actually, that’s not entirely true… Doc and Marti is what originally started it, a more direct parody to Back to the Future… I digress). This is not usually the first episode I show people because it doesn’t properly set the tone for the rest of the series. Rick is way more manic and drunk and his burping is through the roof… but if you watch it again after getting into the series, it really is a funny episode. The audio commentary about Justin Roiland’s final lines is pretty interesting… in that he just kept talking.

Quote of the episode: I'm sorry, Morty. It's a bummer. In reality, you're as dumb as they come. But I needed those seeds real bad and I had to give 'em up just to get your parents off my back. So now we're gonna have to go get more. And then we're gonna go on even more adventures after that, Morty. And you're gonna keep your mouth shut about 'em, Morty. Because the world is full of idiots that don't understand what's important. And they'll tear us apart, Morty. But if you stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Morty. And you're gonna be a part of 'em. And together we're gonna run around, Morty, we're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Morty. Just you and me, Morty. The outside world is our enemy, Morty. We're the only friends we've got, Morty. It's just Rick and Morty. Rrrick and Morty and their adventures, Morty. Rick and Morty, forever and forever, a hundred years Rick and Morty, s... things. Me and Rick and Morty runnin' around and Rick and Morty time. Aaall day long forever. All, a hundred days Rick and Morty forever a hundred times. Over and over Rick and Morty adventures dot com W W W dot Rick and Morty dot com W W W Rick and Morty adventures all hundred years. Every minute Rick and Morty dot com W W W hundred times Rick and Morty dot com.

#9. A Rickle in Time (Season 2) - A great season 2 opener. This one leads off at the tail end of Ricksy Business. Time has been stopped for 6 months and in order for things to catch up, they can’t make contact with anyone who was frozen in time. This creates the foundation of a spectacular 64 panel animation of uncertainty. It’s a trip to watch.

Quote of the episode: Man, that guy is the Redgren Grumbholdt of pretending to know what’s going on.

#8. Meseeks and Destroy (Season 1) - Ooooh weeee! When Kris asked me if I was doing a Top 10 this month, I said, “Caaaaannn do!” This episode is a fan favorite, primarily because of the lovable Meseeks. The Meseeks exist and cease to exist just as soon as their singular purpose is fulfilled but they can’t seem to help the incompetent patriarch of the Smith family improve his golf game. There’s also a side story about Morty running the adventure, and a creepy Mr. Jelly Bean.

Quote of the episode: Fee Fi Fo Fum, I smell the violation of Civil Liberties

#7. Look Who’s Purging Now (Season 2) - Sometimes you don’t realize how many times you’ve actually seen a story recycled until someone points it out. In this episode, Rick and Morty stop onto a planet that purges: the society is crimeless because one night a year everyone gets to fulfill their destructive urges. It does a great job of making fun of that concept and even gives us a glimpse of Rick not being able to stomach THAT much violence.

Quote of the episode: Morty, are you alright? Why are YOU with Taddy Mason?”

#6. Ricksy Business (Season 1) - Rick, Morty and his sister Summer throw a party at the house while the parents, Jerry and Beth, head out to a Titanic tourist attraction. It’s another great episode that introduces some unique and hilarious characters. This is the first time we meet Birdperson and the wonderful Abradolf Lincler.

Quote of the episode: Prepare to be emancipated from your own inferior genes!

#5. Something Ricked This Way Comes (Season 1) - Those of you who know me know that I love Anthologies. I do a podcast about The Twilight Zone, and I wrote a Geekade Halloween article about Tales from the Crypt and Creepshow. When a certain Mr. Needful comes into the town and pulls the Needful Things plot out, Rick steps in to use SCIENCE against all of the hokey twists of all of the items. It’s the episode I recommended to my wife when I first started watching (because she got called out by the creator of Booth at the End for criticizing him). There’s another subplot about Pluto, the highlight being Rich Fulcher, but that’s not where this episode shines.

Quote of the episode: Looks like we've got... haunted boxing gloves that will make you the heavyweight champion in 1936, and then you'll be trapped there, winning the same fight for eternity. I can take out the "eternity" and the padding, and then you'll have some time-traveling mittens.

#4. Total Rickall (Season 2) - God… one of the great things Rick and Morty does is to build episodes off a cool concept. In this one, *someone* brought a parasite that replicates by feeding off of people’s memories. Realizing this, Rick locks everyone in the house. Through the course of the episode, hundreds of new characters, most of them parasites, infest the Smith household. Pencilvester, Photography Raptor, and Sleepy Gary all make an appearance. This episode also introduces us to a fan favorite, Mr. Poopy Butthole (also a star of his own comic series by Sarah Graley).

Quote of the episode: He told me to tell you he’s sorry you didn’t have bad memories of him?

#3. Rixty Minutes (Season 1) - This is my go-to “you have to watch this show” episode of Rick and Morty, although I’m starting to know better. This episode is really the one where, after people start to understand the tone and humor associated with Rick and Morty, things really get kicked into 12th gear. It’s more of an excuse to do improvisational sketch animation comedy than it is to have a good episode, with Rick installing an interdimensional cable box with shows from infinite realities. Two Brothers, Gazorpazorpfield, and Ants in My Eyes Johnson are some of the highlights. It, realistically, is MY #1, but there are better episodes for people just hopping on board.

Quote of the Episode: Nobody exists on purpose, nobody belongs anywhere, everybody’s gonna die. Come watch TV.

#2. Anatomy Park (Season 1) - As a fan of Inner Space, the Dennis Quaid/Martin Short comedy, this is a wonderful episode. Rick takes Morty into the body of a homeless man where Rick has set up a theme park, complete with rides, attractions, and a Jurassic Park style break down. Quote of the episode: Do yourself a favor and pop by Pirates of the Pancreas. Obviously I’m biased, but I think it’s great, Morty. It’s a bunch of *belches* pirates running around a *belches* pancreas. We don’t whitewash it, either, Morty. I mean, the pirates are really rapey.

#1. Lawnmower Dog (Season 1) - There’s so much to love in this episode. A dog that becomes intelligent and takes over the human race? An Inception-style storyline that takes us all the way to a Nightmare on Elm Street parody? It’s solid gold. One of the great things about this one is that the A and B stories actually come back together (which is something that, as much as I love the show, it doesn’t always do effectively).

Quote of the episode: Where are my testicles, Summer?

And there it is! What are your favorite episodes of the show? I love every one of them, but I only had 10 spots! Let me know in the comments, hit me up on our Twitter @RickandMortyPod or shoot us an email: RickandMortyPodcast@gmail.com

[constructionaccounting]

Construction_Bookkeeping_And_Accounting_Expectation_Vs_Reality

This Podcast Is Episode Number 0303, And It Will Be About Construction Bookkeeping And Accounting - Expectation Vs Reality

Construction Bookkeeping is something you need to understand first, then learn. Over the years, hundreds of people have told us how easy QuickBooks is to use and how hard QuickBooks For Contractors is to use, and that is so true.

Here is what I see repeated many times among construction companies: You usually hire an “office admin with experience in QuickBooks," ask your spouse or significant other to do it for you, or you try your best and do it yourself. Some would take the time to hire an in-house bookkeeper – not knowing what they need is a Construction Bookkeeper/Accountant.

There is a world of difference between Construction Accounting and Regular Accounting.

Construction Bookkeeping And Accounting - Expectation Vs Reality

Posted by Randal DeHart on Fri, Feb 22, 2019

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Construction Bookkeeping is something you need to understand first, then learn. Over the years, hundreds of people have told us how easy QuickBooks is to use and how hard QuickBooks For Contractors is to use, and that is so true.

Here is what I see repeated many times among construction companies: You usually hire an “office admin with experience in QuickBooks," ask your spouse or significant other to do it for you, or you try your best and do it yourself. Some would take the time to hire an in-house bookkeeper – not knowing what they need is a Construction Bookkeeper/Accountant.

There is a world of difference between Construction Accounting and Regular Accounting.

                              Expectation: Bookkeeping only takes 10 minutes a day.

Reality: Just sorting out the receipts, scanning, and filing is already 10 minutes. The piles of paperwork will always grow high and wide.

Expectation: Simple data entry – it’s fun because putting in checks, bills, and invoices are easy!

Reality: The fun ends when confusion begins. “Does this receipt belong to this job?”, “Should I put this under Cost Of            Goods Sold?”, “How do I reconcile this?”

Expectation: I’ll just call the Payroll software for support.

Reality: Yes, you can. Reach out to your software provider for any technical issues you’re having. The problem is there are times when an employee turns their time-card late and expects to get paid on time, someone asks for advance pay, or you’re having some subcontractor issues.

Expectation: I can run my financials and Job Cost Reports in QuickBooks (or the software I'm currently using)

Reality: Inaccurate reports will damage your business. The day to day input should be properly allocated. A $5000 worth      of transactions placed in the wrong category will result in unreliable data leading to costly bidding mistakes.

Expectation: My bookkeeper can provide me with Key Performance Indicators Report (KPIs) every day since it will only take 5 minutes.

Reality: What is KPI? Yes, to some of you, that could be the reality. KPIs is a summary of how the business is doing financially and taken seriously can lead to some serious cash flow coming into your business and staying there.If you            review these five reports at 5 P.M. for 5 minutes, you can gain tremendous insight into your business. 

Expectation: I already have an administrative assistant who runs the office and has QuickBooks (or other accounting software) experience. Hiring a construction bookkeeper/accountant will cost more money.

Reality: Contractors should have two primary accountants. One is the Tax Accountant, and the other is your Construction      Accountant. Construction Accountants make numbers work in a way that it makes sense to you - the good (money in),          the bad (money out), and the ugly (more unpaid bills are left than the cash in the bank)

How much is your Construction Company worth?

Long ago near Green Lake in Seattle, Washington, I went shopping for a bike helmet and asked the clerk for a "cheap helmet" because in my mind all bike helmet was the same and I was not about to be ripped off. He had a profoundly simple answer: "If you have a $10 head buy a $10 Helmet." He said it in a deadpan face, no expression and he acted as if he could not care less about what helmet I purchased.

I remembered something my Step-Father used to say "Buy the best you can afford and cry once, rather than buying the cheapest and crying about it not doing what it was intended to do forever." He was a simple man without a lot of formal education and yet one of the wisest men I have ever known.

I purchased the most expensive helmet I could afford, and it saved me from experiencing several injuries over the next few years.

Over the years I have put into practice a lot of the words of wisdom my Step-Father offered, and I can say with 100% assurance that his advice about buying the best you can afford has helped me make a lot of money because every time I buy the best, it has been the cheapest in the long run and generated a lot of dividends. 

Bottom line, you should hire the best bookkeeping and accounting service (who specializes in construction) that you can afford regardless of whether or not it is us because we may not be the best choice for your contracting company. Know that your expectations could sometimes be far from what is happening in reality. Eliminating these frustrations and making informed decisions are pathways to financial success in your construction business.

About The Author:

Randal DeHart, PMP, QPA is the co-founder of Business Consulting And Accounting in Lynnwood, Washington. He is the leading expert in outsourced construction bookkeeping and accounting services for small construction companies across the USA. He is experienced as a Contractor, Project Management Professional, Construction Accountant, Intuit ProAdvisor, QuickBooks For Contractors Expert and Xero Accounting Specialist. This combination of experience and skill sets provides a unique perspective which allows him to see the world through the eyes of a contractor, Project Manager, Accountant, and construction accountant. This quadruple understanding is what sets him apart from other Intuit ProAdvisors and Xero accountants to the benefit of all of the construction contractors he serves across the USA. Visit http://www.fasteasyaccounting.com/randal-dehart/ to learn more.

Our Co-Founder Randal DeHart - Is a Certified PMP (Project Management Professional) with several years of construction project management experience. His expertise is construction accounting systems engineering and process development. His exhaustive study of several leading experts including the work of Dr. W. Edward Deming, Michael Gerber, Walter A. Shewhart, James Lewis and dozens of others was the foundation upon which our Construction Bookkeeping System is based and continues to evolve and improve. Check out our Contractor Success Map Podcast on iTunes and Follow Randal on Google+ 

The Information Shown Below Is From Fast Easy Accounting

OUTSOURCED ACCOUNTING FOR  THE BUSY CONTRACTOR IN A MOBILE ENVIRONMENT

Download the Contractors APP today from the App Store or Android Store

Access Code: FEAHEROS

Click here to download the App on Android:

Click here to download the App on iOS:

Simply scan the QR code or search for ‘MyAccountants’ in the App Store and enter the Access code: FEAHEROS to utilize the powerful App features and capabilities, and benefit from having our Construction Accounting App at your fingertips, 24/7."

PS: Even if you are not a Construction Contractor you will find a plenty of benefits in the app so we invite you to download it too! It's Free so why not?

Contractors_Success_MAP, Contractors_Success_Marketing_Accounting_Production, Contractor_Bookkeeping_Services, QuickBooks_For_Contractors, QuickBooks_For_Contractors,

Check out this episode about Contractors Marketing - Accounting - Production (M.A.P.)!

[mycraftylittlestitches]

Disclaimer: I may use affiliate links in the attempt to keep my blog advert free and also these items were freebie samples. However the fact that I didn’t have to put my hand in my pocket won’t change my opinions in the slightest. The good will be celebrated like realising that there is good quality chocolate lurking in the back of the cupboard that hasn’t been munched on by an overly enthusiastic (and cheeky) 2-year-old. The bad will be met with the disgusted disdain of discovering that someone ordered pineapple on the takeaway pizza! AGAIN! I mean Dude…. No…

I might be slightly hungry while writing this… I’m always slightly hungry in fairness, the joys of breastfeeding! *Le sigh… With that random ramble of foodie thoughts done and dusted we shall begin.

About three weeks ago I was sent some shiny, pretty and frankly very useful things by the folks at Burton McCall. Thanks guys, I’ve had great fun! I was hoping to get these reviews completed more than a week ago (sorry!) but my brain had other ideas and my epilepsy started to act up. No screen time for me without the fear of making the seizures worse but now I’m back in business again. Wooo!

I recieved six items in total from four different brands. From Zoku we have: two thermos flasks and a ‘Dino Pop’ ice-lolly maker. From Victorinox, we have a Swiss army knife. From Nite Ize we have the PetLit LED and from Humangear we have the GoTubbs. I will be doing one review per brand as I would rather not have a review post of over 7000 words as I don’t really do the whole, dreaded ‘wall of text’ thing. Let me start the first of four reviews into my epic few weeks of playtime and squealing (perhaps even louder than the Toddler) at the concept of Dino ice lollies; with the PetLit LED Light.

PetLit LED Light This was sent as a little treat for Rosie my adorable but slightly stern looking kitty. Unfortunately she gave me the look (that almost all cat owners will know oh so well) that threatened death and lacerations, if I dared even consider placing the light upon her most sacred of collars. I swear she thinks this is ancient Egypt and we are her most humble of servants… She is probably at least half right in fairness.

Anyway I improvised and decided that the toddler makes a great stand in for a cat. Let’s face it; both suffer from convenient bouts of deafness, both like climbing and it’s definitely a kind understatement to claim that they are both mildly obsessed with cardboard boxes. See the below photos for cuteness and proof..

See it’s still a fair review… Even if the helper is a tad excitable at the thought of being a cat and won’t stop meowing. Please stop her meowing… Pretty please? Thanks.

What is it?

Basically it’s a tiny, little and very bright LED light that you place on your pets collar (or in my case my toddlers zip). It helps you see them in the dark and know where they have wandered off too, giving pet owners some reassurance that ‘Mittens’, ‘Fido’ or in my case ‘Toddle’ isn’t going to wander off into the night-time abyss and not return. Which I honestly think is a fabulous idea. Unfortunately I couldn’t test this in pitch black darkness, just in a slightly darkened room because there was no way in Hell Toddle was staying up past her bedtime. Nope, no, please don’t even suggest such tantrumy madness. Besides, mummy needs flop out and do grown up stuff (read: play on Twitter). Also a free range Toddle in the dark seemed like a bad idea at any rate. Call me crazy…

Sleepy Toddle helping her mummy with the review.

Another picture showing how bright it is.

It’s a very bright light as you can see here.

The things that I like: It is a surprisingly bright light considering it’s small, compact size and the fact that it is just a single LED inside a pretty jewel shaped case. It’s easily turned on and off by simply rotating the light either clockwise or anti-clockwise which is obviously an ideal feature but I have to question if this would prove to be a difficult task if the creature wearing it was particularly wiggly. It attaches to the collar of your pet/child/spouse with a simple clip and the back comes off for easy battery replacement. I can’t comment on the battery life having only had it for a short period of time, but I can wager fairly safely that with it being LED the batteries should last quite a long time (the manufacturer states 24 hours of continuous light). Even if it should run out it’s a very simple task to change the batteries as you just twist it slightly further than you would so to turn it off and the back simply comes off ready to insert the new ones.

I like that there isn’t much packaging, as I feel that this is a positive step towards being more environmentally friendly, which is something that in this day and age should be applauded and I have no doubt that this also helps in keeping the price low at a modest £6.17 on Amazon UK (as of 3/9/18).

We do not have a dog and our cat doesn’t go outside and doesn’t enjoy being messed with other than the occasional brush and ticked ears (PTSD-suffering rescue kitty) so I can’t use it for its conventual purpose, but I have placed it on my keys to assist in putting the key in the lock at night and for finding things in dark cupboards ect. It isn’t insanely bright but it has made a practical addition to my key rings.

Lighting the way on my keys.

Things that I didn’t like: While I like that the on/ off mechanism is very simple I found it quite stiff to turn. At first I thought that this was a fault with either my useless co-ordination (thanks Dyspraxia) or my particular item but after reading the reviews on Amazon I found that this seems to be quite a common problem which does ultimately lesson with time. The other issue that I have had is the fact that the light was slightly scuffed when it arrived. This could either be caused by one of three things: 1) the box was bumped during transit, 2) the plastic is quite poor quality and was easily damaged or 3) it was a fault during manufacturing that wasn’t picked up on. As it feels quite flimsy I am leaning more towards number two but as I think it’s a very handy little thing it will be remaining in its new home, keeping my keys company.

Would I advise you buy it? Yes, if you either need a light up key ring or your dog/cat/significant other regularly goes out at night, it is a fantastic idea and incredibly useful. I wouldn’t advise it for people who have poor grip or coordination as it was very difficult for myself, who has dyspraxia, to turn it on or off until it loosened slightly with use and fiddling. Overall a great idea, blemished slightly by production on a relatively low-budget.

Stay tuned for the reviews of all of the other items, coming up in the next few weeks. If you enjoyed this post then please consider following me on Twitter and Facebook and subscribing to my blog. Thank you for reading!

Review of the Nite Ize PetLit LED light. @burtonmccallltd @NiteIze #review #blog #lifestyle #mumlife Disclaimer: I may use affiliate links in the attempt to keep my blog advert free and also these items were freebie samples.

[valeriebielbooks]

August Writers’ Forum

In my journey through the steps of independent publishing, refining my writing skills, and most recently completing a successful agent search, I’ve come across some excellent information, tips, tools, and shortcuts that I think would be beneficial to any writer. Once a month, I’ll share the “best of” information and news from the publishing industry as well as feature other authors and writing instructors with tips to share. I am incredibly thankful for the assistance and advice given to me from writing and publishing professionals and am happy pay that forward. On a professional level, I also use my publicity and editorial skills to aid other authors through my company Lost Lake Press. Some purchase links for books I'm recommending are affiliate links which pay me a small fee.  

  New(ish) Books

Historical Fiction writer, Terri Karsten, is newly retired from teaching and has tackled a new project with a historical blog entitled Bric-A-Brac “Thoughts on writing, reading, and exploring the past. At the beginning of the summer she released a new historical fiction title for middle-grade readers. When Luck Runs Out purchase link

ABOUT THE BOOK: New York City is full of homeless orphans following the Civil War. Two of them, Meg Kelly and her little brother, Mole, take a chance on a better life. They travel Weston on an orphan train. Will they ever find a place to call home?

Midwest authors with lovely romantic and funny new releases included Angie Stanton with If Ever and Ellie Cahill with I Temporarily Do.  I recommend them both! Look for an upcoming interview with Liz and a review of this latest title.

Bookish Events

September has a full slate of wonderful events to attend from Madison to Milwaukee. Here’s a few at the top of my list:

Mystery to Me Bookstore, 1863 Monroe Street, Madison (Full Event Details Here)

September 10 at  2 pm – Kevin Henkes and Laura Dronzek will celebrate their newest picture book collaboration In the Middle of Fall.

September 12 at 7 pm – Robert Madrygan will discuss his novel The Solace of Trees.

September 23 at 2 pm – Jim Thompson will give a talk about Peanut of Blind Faith Farm.

September 28 at 6 pm – Kathleen Ernst will launch her newest Chloe Ellefson mystery title Mining for Justice.

A Room of One’s Own, 315 W. Gorham Street, Madison (Full Event Details Here)

September 19 at 6:00 pm – Denise Dubois will discuss Self-Made Woman.

September 22 at 6:00 pm – Paul Buhl will launch his book Johnny Appleseed.

Books & Company of Oconomowoc is co-hosting an event with Michael Perry at the Pewaukee Public Library on September 22 at 5:30 pm. (Full Event Details Here)

Boswell Books of Milwaukee has a number of excellent ticketed events coming up in October. I’m posting these a month in advance as they tend to sell out. (Please note these are often in bigger event venues in the Milwaukee area.) (Full Event Details Here)

October 23 at 7 pm  - Scott Kelly, author of Endurance: A Year in Space, A Lifetime of Discovery

October 8  at 4 pm – Rick Riordan, author of Magnus Chase and the Gods of Asgard #3: The Ship of the Dead (and so much more.)

October 29 at 2 pm – Kate DiCamillo, author of La La La: A Story of Hope (and Tales of Despereaux and Because of Winn Dixie.) This event is co-hosted with Books & Company of Oconomowoc.

And . . . BANNED BOOKS WEEK begins September 24

I challenge everyone to read at least one book that has made this list through the years during the month of September. Report back here with what you read and what you thought of it. Inquiring minds want to know. This is a serious assignment!!  (If September is too busy for you, see if any of the books you’ve previously read have made this list. You might be surprised.) Here’s list of the 100 most frequently challenged and banned books by decade.

I feel like if someone tells me something is banned, it makes me want to read it even more. Right!!??

Please let me know of any upcoming book releases or events that you’d like featured in the Writers’ Forum!

Featured Subject

Several Ideas to Face the Daily Challenge

I read Terry Whalin’s article about making time for it all at just the right time. I have a number of projects in progress, a few speaking events to prepare for, regular work, and family obligations to fit into each day and week. I’m sure I sound a lot like you.

I appreciated his acknowledgement that somehow made me feel like I’m not the only one who feels like they run from thing to thing all day long. His questions are pertinent and made me reassess how I truly use my time. He talks about balance, using technology, and admitting that not everything gets done.

His approach made me feel a lot better about my to-do list. See if you agree when you read the whole article here.

Pre-Publication Information

He Said/She Said – The Dos and Don’ts of Dialogue Tags

I loved this article by Katie McCoach on the KM Editorial blog. She gets beyond the said and asked and shows us good and bad examples. “I compare adverbs and alternate dialogue tags to a strong spice. Some is nice, but too much will spoil the batch.” This is a great tutorial that is helpful even if you are ‘seasoned’ author.

Preferences vs. Rules

On another grammar topic, Louise Harnby of the Proofreader’s Parlor discusses grammar rules versus preferences. You might be surprised that things you were taught in school as rules can be bent a bit. I think this will be a fun article to share with my critique group as we often have discussions just like this.

What You Need to Know Before You Judge the Self-Published Author

As a self-published or indie author, I have felt the sting of judgement from those in the traditional publishing world. I know that any other indie authors reading this have felt this disdain as well. What I find most interesting is how many authors now toggle between the two worlds, indie publishing some titles while traditionally publishing others. While some people may lament the indie publishing boom, I think the technology and systems that have made it possible for the indie author to reach larger audiences are a godsend. The Liminal Pages article on indie publishing is a must read for anyone in this industry no matter HOW you publish.

After all, “Diversity in the arts is strength.”

The next three articles toggle between pre- and post-publication. Decisions about formatting and distribution take place (technically) before publication, but after the book is essentially complete.

The Hard Facts on Hardcovers

Kathy Rowe on Indies Unlimited writes a thorough article about creating a hardcover book as an indie published author. Previously, most print-on-demand technologies only allowed for soft cover books, but for children’s book authors—particularly picture book authors—the hardcover has always been seen as a necessity but unavailable. But things change!! This article gives a thorough review of where you can get your beloved hardcovers and compares pricing from platform to platform.

Getting Your Self-Published Book into Libraries

You must have a thorough understanding of how to get your book into libraries before you make decisions that might impact your ability to do this. So well before you hit the ‘publish’ button read this excellent article by Jane Friedman – How to Get Your Book Distributed: What Self-Published Authors Need to Know.  Further your education with a more detailed look at e-book distribution to libraries with the Digital Publishing 101 article on library distribution.

Post-Publication

The Coveted Book Table: How Those Books Get There

How does a book get plucked from the shelves of obscurity to lay flat in all its loveliness for the casual browser at a bookstore? Amy Collins on the Bookworks blog tell us all about this slightly insane process here.

Amazon Ads How To

Have you tried an Amazon ad yet? I haven’t, but I’m stockpiling information because I definitely need to give this a try to boost my sales. Luckily, many authors have come before us and written very nice tutorials about how this is done. Frances Caballo gives us the basics, including Amazon specifics like rules and word counts. And Deanna Cabinian gives a very thorough breakdown of her Amazon ad experience in promoting her young adult novel as a guest author on Jane Friedman’s blog. It’s very helpful to walk through Cabinian’s trial ads and the statistics for sales each generated. Now we have no excuses not to try this ourselves.

Just when you think you understand social media they change things around . . .

One of my favorite bloggers (can’t you tell), Frances Caballo, has written a two-part series on changes that have been made to the most popular social media platforms. You probably have noticed some of these already and adapted to them without much thought. You can find these on the Social Media Just for Authors Blog under these headlines: Have You Seen These Changes on Facebook and Twitter? Part 1 and Have You Seen These Social Media Changes? Part 2

I hope that these articles helped you on your writing and publishing journey!

Happy Reading & Writing, Valerie  

[grizzlefur]

WWEm - M. Night Parablamyan

You’ll be pleased to hear that Comic Sans has gone on indefinite leave. Also, the formatting has now become single line spacing, until I find I don’t like it or something. Let me know if you like it/love it/don’t give a monkey’s butt.

As ever, Emma can be found on Twitter as @Waruce, usually during PPVs.

Transmission date: Monday 12/Tuesday 13 June 2017.

all up in this bitch, cos it's SATURDAY AFTERNOON RAW! raise your hands if you can't remember thing one that's been happening on raw shit, can't type with my hands raised rescind that last advance warning: if i make more mistakes than usual in this writeup, extend me some leniency on account of i can barely see straight, because it's fucking summer so my eyes are full of TREE SPERM and MUCILAGE and THE DEATH OF ALL THINGS seriously, it's a party but oversharing aside, let's watch some wrestlemans and wrestlewomans, although the raw wrestlewomans' division needs to figure out what the fuck it's doing

we open with a recap of joe talking shit to an absent devil who i think is going to be turning up this week? i say that like i care and also him choking the life out of a small portly jewish man and being the most well-spoken kind of psychopath snapping into the present, we're apparently in the cajundome and immediately hit brock's music hey, they know what the fans want now i just need to figure out why they want that so yes, the championship is here, attached to the walking embodiment of technically-legal masking agents but thankfully, only paul has a mic apparently this is the day of joe's fuckupening i paraphrase, but i wish i wasn't "Like a shark luring the chum into his domain..." paul, i think we need to take you to seaworld or some shit apparently joe was somehow abusing brock's ring, despite the whole bit where he hasn't been here in a couple of months paul is hastily retracting everything complimentary he said about joe last week and now throwing shade about the fact that joe's not part of the anoa'i dynasty? that's certainly an esoteric burn the angle is that the coquina clutch would probably fuck brock up, but joe won't be able to get it on him because he ain't shit related note: can we have a moratorium on white dudes calling poc a 'mutt' or similar? leaves something of a bad taste joe arrives, him and brock immediately unload on each other kurt sends in security, brock kills them all, so paul calls in the whole roster to pull them apart and they kind of suck at it leave security to the pros, guys all the faces are clinging onto joe like he's the messiah and end thing, apparently tonight's main event is kkb/hardyz for the title round #34982, but this time it's two out of three falls cut for ads, and we come back on a recap video of the exact thing we just watched i know i say my memory's bad, but seriously booker's still here, because shut up with your reasons

but now, here's elias and his guitar and his array of scarves weirdly, this crowd seems pretty split on him he's written a song about the brave inhabitants of the cajundome asks the crowd to be quiet while he plays, cole immediately starts talking so yeah, this is a song about how louisiana and dean ambrose aren't collectively shit so here he comes elias, please never try and rhyme 'breath' with 'darkNESS' again recap video of the deep strangeness of miz's championship celebration aka, The Day Mike Fucked A Clock With A Chair (and offended his wife) i did like the ending of it, though it's nice to have the cameramen acknowledged as something that exists in-universe elias samson is present, so naturally corey is immediately salty as fuck he hates dean, too, but seriously "The man has the vocal stylings of a pigeon that's been stepped on!" (fun fact: i would probably listen the hell out of an elias samson album) (just do acoustic covers, whatever, i just like his voice) so far, this match consists mostly of dean trying to trashweasel his way out of trouble and elias shutting him down duelling chants seem a bit harsh: "You can't wrestle!" "YOU CAN'T SING!" dean gets his usual comeback sequence comprising a strange mix of real wrestling skill and just running in the vague direction of your opponent and hoping they fall harder than you do elias stands far too close on a suicide dive, basically just grabs dean and walks backwards like oh no i am defeated dean gets the upper hand of a super slow turnbuckle spot, miz runs in to bother him elias still can't even pick up a distraction pin maryse is backing miz up, so at least they're still okay dean goes for miz, he does the wife-shaped shield thing it doesn't work at all, miz gets beaten on a lot dean gets back in the ring, elias does a nasty knee drop on his back as he comes in, swinging neckbreaker for the pin "By hook or by crook, a W is still a W!" are you in a fucking ionesco play, corey

but now let's have more of goldust doing his thing his thing, of course, beign sitting in a chair at a terrible frame rate and quoting films dude, if you just turned that chair a bit, you wouldn't have to crane your neck like that can't be good for you but yeah, vague threats in the vague direction of r-truth

but now we're backstage, and an angry kurt has words for the miz those words basically being FUCKIN' QUIT IT he has enough trouble with big samoan guys named joe miz insults kurt, alludes to his indeterminate personal problems, you could chew the tension demands dean be suspended or fired, kurt retorts with a) shut the fuck up, and b) no maryse is apparently still angry at her husband kurt walks off, miz splutters, end thing cruiserweight time now, after this video to remind yiu just how good cedric alexander is, since he's been away for a while and here's noam dar arguing with his phone backstage cedric comes in to remind noam how done he is with him and his girlfriend's collective shit she is, of course, on the other end of the phone she's injured, but she wants her scottish sleazeball to beat cedric right the fuck up tonight cedric's like fuck, fine, whatever, i'll fight you tonight, but then can you please go bother literally anyone else

so yeah, now it's time for that match noam is still on his phone on speaker as he starts his entrance they're having a barely-audible argument and the phone's casting to the tron for some reason also, noam has a new jumper, and it's nowhere near as good alicia wants to be on the line through the match, noam does not want this the ref's like dude sort your shit out we've got a match to have finally puts it down in the corner, bell rings, lumbar check, end alicia is piiiiiiiiissed that's still an absolutely vicious finisher noam is trying to salvage this telepresence argument while also going oh holy fuck my spine hype no. 58 for the main event

but up next, bray wyatt...does a thing, i guess? he's certainly present and i'm ok with that but now a video package of roman, because god knows we haven't seen so much of him see, this package makes him look good, cos it's just the big spots and not all the slow-ass bullshit between them next week, roman has an announcement about summerslWYATT CUT bray fills the screen, tells us cheerfully that the world is ending does the i'm here thing, and now he is after a randy-based wyatt cut, for some reason did someone click the wrong file? corey calls bray 'bizarre', somewhere goldust is like wait a fucking minute bray's going to kill everyone who sins, sits in apathy while people sin, or blaspheme against him apparently seth lives in a house where his architect's blueprints cover the windows and block out the sun this may just be a parable, but it's a fucking great image oh, apparently bray shattered it because it was a glass house? did you mention this before, bray? bit of a shitty twist other wise m. night parablamyan and now seth will be picking splinters of glass out of his soul for eternity that's a fucking greek god level of ironic fate so yeah, anyone who takes the dark lord's name in vain will get fucked on speaking of, here comes seth to get fucked on/pick glass out of his soul i'd be good for either he's like wait a minute dude you cost me my match because i called you names that seems disproportionate but by the way, you suck seth claims he's here to pipe bomb some truth at us, calls bray a coward don't insult him, he has a backwards tractor bray takes the opportunity to give a sermon on pride, tells seth he, too, ain't shit like lol kingslayer ain't that cute *teleports backstage* bray claims he'll win because gods live forever think we need to read you some egyptian/norse myth there

but now, charly has the hardyz in the led interview backstage corridor whatever thing the hardyz would like you all to remember that they're awesome and that jeff has an unhealthy predilection for jumping off things but now, enjoy this montage of what cena's been up to and remember that he'll be back in an episode i am unlikely to blog

but now we have kalisto vs titus, through the medium of his younger, happier dude and akira tozawa is standing in the front row, because titus wants him on brand apollo beats on kalisto, titus stands by the barricade shouting at tozawa like DUDE LOOK AT MY BOY ISN'T HE GREAT tozawa is like please stop shouting at me kalisto goes for an excessively flippy handspring springboard stunner, apollo counters to a spinout powerbomb for the win titus drags tozawa into the ring for an uncomfortable selfie with them he's just like dude stop hugging me

but now, HARD CUT TO CLOSEUP OF RHYNO PUTTING CHEEZ WIZ ON CRACKERS we all needed that miz has come with a proposal for heath to become part of his entourage rhyno is like dude i'm standing right here miz promises to make all heath's dreams come true, heath's like well i've always wanted to be ic champ hmmmmm miz offers him a shot if he joins the dark side rhyno's like you know what fuck you dude i'm gonna go find kurt to give us a match against you maybe rustle up a friend we're out *aggressively eats crackers* so yeah

spot about that theme park competition thing, but now here's alexa our resident wrestlewoman with her shit together oh hey, a recap of last week's match so it did happen after all no, alexa, don't kick off by mentioning your match at extreme rules we're all trying to forget on saturday, we've got the first women's mitb match, but fuck that noise, tonight's about me but here's nia to take issue with the fact that alexa offered her a title shot, then whined about it and cheated out of it alexa's like i know right we should have had a great match but those two fucked everything up so here come those two mickie's redesigned her gear to play up the Native elements again chest dreamcatcher and everything mickie and dana try to remind everyone how much of a bitch alexa's been to nia in fornt of everyone alexa's like lol no i think your eyesight's going ah, cheap ageist jokes but now,...hit emma's music not that i'm gonna complain fucking love that music *beep boop beep boop* emma announces her dramatic return, demands a shot for the title alexa's just like um do you even go here and now here's sasha fuck it, everyone in the division in the segment that's how we do wrestling, right? so wait, are alexa and nia the only heels on the show? seems unbalanced sasha mocks alexa for literally everything she does, punches her in the face, cue brawl and hard cut to an advert for the episode of smackdown i'l be watching later back from ads, and we've got the 6-woman tag match we all saw coming so yeah, emma's still a heel, just one with a problem with the even heelier champ so yeah, emma's back, with weird shoulder things and boobface and everything although following a gear redesign, the boobface has gone from :) to :o it's great that she's back because she's great, but it does mean i have been once again demoted to the second coolest person to bear the name formulaic tag, sasha hot tags in to beat on emma, alexa decides to just walk off instead of letting emma tag out, bank statement for the tap this is not how you make friends

confirmed, later we have slater/rhyno vs miz/[NAME]

but next, corey talks to bayley about her utter lack of extreme after this advert for gold bond and MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY cole massively hypes it, then is like wait what the fuck am i saying that's the wrong brand smoothly done and now, have a package about how great finn is, and that is THE ONLY ORDER THOSE WORDS GO IN complete with lots of shots doing the arms and telling us how good he is

but yes, now we have corey/bayley just by his existence, corey must remind her how extreme she's not for the love of god, woman, get a tatt bayley's like hey i've never been in that situation before i'm a normal person i don't want to hurt people corey's like um have you ever wondered why you're in this business bayley does this whole motivational self-improvement thing which doesn't really work on its own cena does that, but with the understood subtext that if you get in the way of him being his best self, he will fuck your shit right up and bayley says her next thing is to get the belt back manageable steps slightly awkward hug, end interview so that was a thing

but now, here come A ONE MAN BAAAAAAAAAND (and his friend) rhyno should rebrand as a one man road crew miz and maryse arrive, wearing the mania jackets again, because all the best people read this blog (hey, mike) apparently he approached elias during the advert break, who said yeah fuck off dude so here comes his partner with music that sounds like the laughing fucking gnome of something and on a tricycle it's the bear although this bear is much taller and walks like dean ambrose corey christens him Big John Cubb crowd chant for a tag, miz is like i'm not a moron do you think i don't know who this is corey is just spamming us with spurious life facts about the bear because of his refusal to tag in a large mammal, rhyno is just fucking miz up all over the place cole makes a reference to the jbl and cole show, to reward dedicated weirdos bear tags himself in heath tries to take his mask off, bear punches him in the face good to know bears follow lucha tradition does a bearhug (naturally), heath nearly taps miz tags, then starts beating the piss out of the bear at ringside rips off the mask, revealing some dude, once again and rhyno spears miz into the netherworld throws him back into the ring, bear follows, heath tries to convince him to turn on his master, bear hits heath with dirty deeds, excessively long realisation beat, he unmasks and is in fact dean did...did we just get twin magicked by a bear? IT WAS ME ALL ALONG, MIZANIN! ahem dean goes for miz, he jumps and knocks maryse off the apron she hobbles off with a dark look dean stands there with a magnificent ooooooops look until miz turns around, when he hits him with dirty deeds and puts a still-unconscious heath on top of him for the pin slater and rhyno leave, dean puts the bear head on miz and walks off this just became strange this feels like it should be on one of those serial killer warning sign lists miz eventually rips it off, glares, end segment

hopefully we should have the main event next, if they want to give it the time it deserves oh, looks like we actually are huh was not expecting them to do the whole sensible booking thing recap video of the most beautifully-executed surprise return at mania and also this entire feud i'd forgotten how good their heel turn was, as well oh wait, never mind, neville's here phew if wwe started booking things in a sensible, organic way that gave things room to breathe, i wouldn't know what to do rich swann enters, does his usual dancing, gets punched in the back because neville's taken a bunch of levels in twat oh wait was that the neville level i get it beats swann all over the place, rings of saturn until he stops twitching demands his belt and a mic neville crouches by swann, recites a list of pretenders he's fucked on, kicks him out of his ring starts a monologue like it's good to be the king but will all you usurpers just fuck away off namechecks tozawa, hopefully kickstarting a feud that i am down for like you would not believe apparently titus tweeted that selfie and suggested tozawa might win the title the king is less than amused but now, charly interviews the kkb cesaro has a copy of the hardyz' autobiography so they can laugh and throw it away they keep getting more things on their jackets including they live OBEY patches, which is cool

and next, enzo/cass vs anderson/gallows seriously, you should really logically need more time for a two out of three match than a normal one this show has like half an hour left and we still have to see enzo do a thing or not, who knows with this angle douchebag joisey music hits, nobody is here cut backstage, cass is on the floor under some girders the revival walk past in the background, no reason cass says he went down with one blow to the head, emphasises how HARD they hit enzo doesn't want him to fight, but he insists but in the ring, gallows and anderson are here to trade secondary school burns and muttley laughs about enzo and cass hit twat music again, long beat, and here they are accompanied by a bunch of refs like seriously dude this is a terrible idea if only we had some power to stop this match happening alas, we are only lowly wrestling officials, all we can do is point and harangue corey calls enzo a trash fire masquerading as a human being, which i'm like 80% sure is a john oliver line? sort your material, dude cass beats on anderson through weaponised staggering, finally ags out enzo's 3am-behind-a-hollister style works for a bit, until anderson just kicks him in the head a bunch and tags gallows in cass is lying on the floor outside and magic killer for the pin turns out going into this match with a recent head injury was a terrible idea who knew they set him up for another magic killer, but here comes a big shooooooow to help at which point the heels run away and enzo and show awkwardly hug which is what cass comes around to see fuck daggers, he's glaring broadswords show leaves, cass comes up to his partner like the fuck dude, cut to ads

main event next, fucking finally

ok, no, we have to watch an r-truth reaction video first these have a solid frame rate at least, but that's come at the cost of things like 'colour film', and 'not having r-truth' truth quotes network, forgets to cite it, promises to get goldust got get got got get, end and now in the corridors, enzo comes up to show like dude, the clues all kind of point to you, so i have to ask show's like what the fuck you twat i...oh wait, it's your partner, what a twat calls cass sawft, walks off, end

but now we have a recap video of brock and joe from the start of the show why the fuck do we even need to see this just get to the main event already less than 20 minutes left this is not enough time for a properly-paced best of three match with build and everything oh, and now we get to see joe talking to mike mcmikemike backstage apparently this whole debacle has been exactly according to joe's plan this plan has never been clearly stated which is probably also exactly as planned we are all dancing on a large samoan's palm

but now, here come the hardyz fucking finally oh, and an advert break and that package for how great roman is again siiiiiiiiiiigh thing i didn't quite catch before this cut: is matt hardy wearing a fucking button-fronted short-sleeved shirt? that makes no sense for anyone whose gimmick doesn't include the words 'Caribbean', 'dipshit', or 'Caribbean dipshit' cut back, and now he's wearing no shirt ah well guess some things can just never be known and here are the kkb they've kept the jackets, but gone without shirts to maximise the orbital terawatt laser effect of their entrance bell rings, just over twelve minutes left in the show fucking hell, wwe trust your talent the teams clearly know time is against them - sheamus tries to open with a brogue, then immediately takes poetry in motion and a twist of fate for a nearfall and then sheamus basically just punches jeff in the face for the first fall? this match had so much potential sigh and now, let's cut away for an ad break and naom, gallows and anderson advertising pizza hut buy pizza from us, so twats can take it off you and back to the match recap of the first fall - jeff went for a twist of fate, sheamus countered, threw him into the corner, and did a slightly underwhelming kick to the face for the pin and now we have sheamus just kicking the shit out of jeff jeff mule kicks sheamus into a blind tag, matt hot tags in and starts mashing cesaro's head into all the turnbuckles does a delete, on the grounds that anthem probably don't give a shit, right? kicks sheamus off the apron, twist of fate on cesaro for the win i hope this narration is giving some sense of how perfunctory and artificially quick this is that's two falls in just under five minutes in a fucking championship match sheamus kicks jeff off the apron, kicks matt in the face, knees matt in the face, still can't get a pin turns out all my problems cannot, in fact, be solved by kicking jeff breaks up a pin, sheamus throws himout of the ring, cesaro goes for a neutraliser on matt, matt counters, cesaro counters that back into a sharpshooter, rope break nice sequence then matt goes for a small package, which kind of just seems like a dick move double hot tags, jeff does his usual spots, twist of fate to sheamus, cesaro breaks it just in time sheamus drops jeff on the ropes, cesaro uppercuts him, still no pin jeff bullfights sheamus into the ring post, hits a lovely swanton, cesaro pulls sheamus out of the ring just before 2 cue brawling at ringside aaaaaand double countout with which the cajundome is just so fucking satisfying brawl continues, because fuck you and your matches and your belts and we fade on the hardyz shouting from the ring while the kkb pose with their questionably-retained belts

so yeah that's it that's the show the fuck, guys? i mean obviously it was meant to be unsatisfying, and they're going to be doing it again, presumably at GBoF, but still you could still have done it without that shitty tease match but who knows maybe it'll be narratively significant

anyway, let's clean out that bad taste with some SATURDAY AFTERNOON SMACKDOWN! oh wait it's the setup show for a ppv roll on the shitty tease matches! setting up for mitb, so everything is ladders and tonight we have 6-man tag of the men's mitb contestants and randy and jinder 'face to face'

but now, the new day being played to the ring by their very own marching band, because we're in new orleans, so why the fuck not they could probably take shinsuke's violinist, but i'd watch it kofi opens by thanking the band even before doing their own introduction, which is good form the usos interrupt their gyrating to angrily enter and be thug at them and they can't even finish that before the fashion police turn up fandango claims to have compelling evidence hat their day one is not so h after all "If anything, your day one is...G." tell em tyler tyler gets to finish his sentence before the colóns enter to talk shit about breezango's policing skills (psst, guys) (they're not real detectives) so yeah, we're getting an 8-man tag match here although it's not immediately clear how the fashion police are allying themselves with three men wearing about 17 strings of beads between them the levelling for the announce mics is just fucked to hell tonight does smackdown even *have* a tech team, or is that how they run such a streamlined, modernised show? i do love that this push has given tyler and dango the opportunity to remind us how good they are at wrestling jbl, please stop making bead string jokes *brief shudder* xavier and tyler do a weird-ass combo move consisting of tyler doing a rana-style headscissors on xavier, then stopping at the top so xavier can throw him at primo followed by xavier joing the burgeoning dropkick to the back club the faces take everyone else out of the ring, stop for a brief trombone break and now we get to watch more american adverts i am officially tired of this shit i would much rather be watching this match than adverts about how cigarettes will fuck your mouth or this enormously fucked mountain dew advert and i can't even watch the tiny version in the corner i am very easily distracted oh thank fuck, we're back tyler's in trouble thanks to those dastardly usos jbl reminds us again how the usos are the greatest tag team in the world, and somewhere jason jordan is crying i mean, that's statistically likely at any given point, but still yeah, tyler's just getting the piss knocked out of him including a simultaneously dull yet impressive vertical suplex from epico comes back by throwing a bent-over epico at primo, then clotheslining primo so he ddts him nice, if making no sense whatsoever kofi tags in, kicks everyone, hits jimmy with a boom drop and trouble in paradise for the near-fall and tags in xavier for upupdowndown for the pin and taunt the usos as they retreat in failure

but later tonight, we have charlotte/nattie

but now, aj talks to shinsuke backstage and sami walks in like hey guys what do you want to do in this match asks for ideas, then talks over aj with his usual overthinky ring general thing does a they don't want none, goes for a high five, aj just stares, asks if shinsuke likes the plan, he just stares, sami answers himself and walks off to get warmed up long beat Shinsuke: "...I like him." AJ: "Of course you do." some lovely chemistry between those two which shoudl really surprise nobody

but now, dasha interviews mojo in some random corridor hey mojo, how did it feel to fail and not achieve your dreams last week? mojo is still wearing his watermelon hat magnanimous in defeat he's kind of happy he lost, because he responds to adversity with HYPE and we haven't seen the last of him and as he says this ZACK FUCKING RYDER appears the crowd are as stoked about this as i am he is officially back, and the hype bros are back together get the fuck in so yeah, this tag division's kind of huge

but now, here's naomi who we are reliably informed is amayayayayzing although the same cannot really be said of this new flourescent halter top she's got and she's fighting everybody's favourite leather-clad lunarian (shut up, i'll stop making that joke when and only when it stops being really fucking funny to me) bell hasn't even rung when the trash jazz begins just look at that woefully impractical dress and that super fucking awkward walk down the ramp we couldn't have brought her up through nxt and moved billie and peyton up to perform exactly the same purpose because... jbl explains the incomprehensible ascent of lana with leicester city, neglecting the fact that leicester had in fact played premiership football before that season anyway, tamina and naomi are just beating the hell out of each other tamina like i'll see your bouncy moves and leg lariats and counter by PUNCHING YOUR FUCKING HEAD OFF YOUR BODY try punching her leg off of her leg i hear that works against people with legs i don't think i will ever not love that somersault facelock escape naomi does although it does kind of pose the question why she doesn't just commit to it and do a shiranui and split moonsault for the pin good match lana blindisdes the champion incredibly slowly, does a weird-ass glam slam type thing, then gets the belt off an official just by asking for it didn't know you could just do that and all jbl can say is how the belt matches her dress siiiiigh

but now, here are the singhs to introduce their boss he comes in wearing the sharpest fucking blue suit you will ever see next up in entrance music i like way more than i feel i should... the ring is sporting a fucking lovely carpet jinder briefly calls out randy, then goes straight in to calling him a coward and insulting his father maybe ramp the smacktalk up there? and now we're up to the 'promise to dismantle your enemy's legacy backward through history' step this curve feels like it's going to end up in actual bloodshed very soon starts his promo to his people/shouting at the crowd in punjabi, gets partway through, randy's music hits sends the singhs down the ramp to head him off, only for randy to run in out of the crowd and rko jinder on that lovely carpet and then he just fucks back off throught the crowd who love him for being a dickbag but somehow also a babyface dickface? yeah, let's go with that even if it wasn't in his hometown, they could not be setting this up for a 'shock' randy loss any more cue several seconds too long of randy posing and glowering in the stands

and now we have kevin coming into the locker room to brief baron and dolph who don't give the slightest shit what he has to say he's just like guys, i don't actually like either of you, but it's mutually beneficial to work together to take out the babyfaces rather than being dicks for the sake of it and shooting ourselves in the foot which...actually makes sense? dammit, kevin, stop bringing logic and game theory into my wrestling leaves to let them process this, cut to ads

up next, charlotte/nattie

but first, renee interviews randy backstage and he's just like have you even been listening talk less hit more i'm win the thing and leaves well, at least he's sticking to his epiphanies

but yes, now we have the women's match natties back to her old gear, and i'm not thrilled jbl just used the phrases "most likely" and "statistical certainty" right the fuck next to each other in a sentence dude, words mean things and you need to stop just saying whatever but yes, charlotte is here too, with new gear patterned off the terrible moulding on your grandparents' bathroom fittings shot of becky watching the match backstage pull up a fucking chair for once, someone

more wrestling in a minute, but first, YOU WATCH THIS ADVERT BREAK MOTHERFUCKER including an advert romanticising the fact that people need stimulant shots to participate in capitalist society see, this is what happens when you make me watch adverts whioe i'm freestyling i just end up veering into political/economic philosophy, and it's hard to come back from that oh thank god, we're back

we come back on natalya surfboard stretching charlotte like fuck you, i'm a real wrestler charlotte moonsaults nattie for a nearfall as we pan out to carmellsworth watching the match on a tv bigger than either of them again with fuck you i can wrestle, nattie powerbombs charlotte out of the corner for a nearfall (don't tell anyone, but this is actually a good match) naturally, as i say that, it turns into a series of cheap rollup attemtps, then natural selection for the pin but it made charlotte look desperate, which it's always nice to see side note: they've recoloured the GBoF logo so BALLS is the least eye-catching part

time for fashion files noir bitches dango opens with a gritty monologue about his terrible parents cut to him admirin his pecs in a mirror and cut to tyler, lying in the trashed fashion police office dango gets a description of their attackers "One arm....No, two arms!" dango sketches something, tyler confirms that it was them who attacked him dango hustles tyler off to get help, and we slow zoom on the pair of stick figures as the segment ends

but now, let's have an inspiration porn segment about a kid not dying of liver disease let's not get into my ranting about disability politics

moving on, dasha grabs lana backstage for an opinion lana's like i don't actually give a shit what any of you think byeeeeeeee

but now it's main event time opening with kevin's massive distorted face it's like neville and tjp selling their names for power, this is clearly a 'you can be champion if we can reveal how you look like hodor when viewed from below' situation and now here's baron, accomnpanied by a vt of him being a twat last week (but which instance? we may never know) dolph's entrance is mostly overridden by an advert for talking smack, which i won't be watching because jbl's on it sami and aj enter with less fanfare, but they still don't want none to leave time for the best music in the company but how will he enter tomorrow night the suspense whoever the tommaso ciampa-looking dude in the corner is, he is freaking the fuck out about being within reach of shinsuke cut for ads, during which the match apparently started and as we come back, i realise that i didn't fully appreciate the awfullness of those godawful cyan tights dolph iswearing only emphasised by putting him in the ring with shinsuke shinsuke counters dolph's elbow drop through his signature technique of 'being elsewhere', hot tags aj in, and he opens by basically hitting dolph with the bitter end and then an ushigoroshi, except we don't say that any more ooh, nice counter goes for a styles clash, dolph counters to a tornado ddt everyone else gets involved, cut for ads, and we come back on dolph/sami natursally, kevin immediately comes in as i type that sami counters kevin's senton with his knees, basically turning it into a self-inflicted lumbar check as often happens, this heel team seems much more concerned with shouting at everyone within range than having the match sami gets the shit beaten out of him by kevin, counters to a blue thunder bomb, can't quite flop fast enough to make the tag takes some more punishment, pulls out a big lariat and then bullfights all three heels out of the ring in succession sloooooowly flops to his corner, and just as he gets there dolph and kevin pull aj and shinsuke off the apron lovely bit of timing so sami just goes fuck it and helluva kicks baron for the pin maybe lead with that general fighting ensues and now kevin has a ladder he and dolph hit sami and aj with it "Unforgiving impact of that ladder on your flesh." byron's freestyling for his upcoming black metal album meanwhile, baron gets the ladder and fucks on everyone with it sets it up under the briefcase, climbs sloooooowly enough for shinsuke to push it over and somewhere, randy orton began to bleed kinshasa to baron, and shinsuke dramatically climbs the ladder himself and retrieves the most important business supplies in the world and we fade on him posing

so yeah, setup show, but that was pretty good and it looks like mitb should be good better than extreme rules, at any rate and certainly less of a misnomer unless it suddenly becomes clear that shane's accounts were frozen long ago and there was never actually any money but in any case i'll try and get this up tonight (Saturday), and then it's mitb tomorrow hmu on twitter @waruce if you want to see me struggle not to fall asleep and also to reconcile my excitement for MONEY MONEY MONEY MONEY with the failings of late-stage capitalism (shit, it happened again)

anyway, that ends this week's show, but up next, it looks like it's gonna get a bit finnegans wake