#or i didnt like their acronym

[hellsite-detective]

Hellsite Detective in...

The Bad Banana

it was another cool day in Tumblr City. the breeze was blowin' through the streets and the rain was poundin' down hard against my window. the ceilin' fan that hung above me spun slowly and hypnotically as if blown by a wind that wasn't present. as i sat there in my chair, smokin' my cigar and watchin' that fan spin eternally, i grew hungry. thankfully i keep a small fruit bowl in the corner. gettin' up to go grab a bite, i picked a banana out of the bowl. it was a bright yellow, but you might not have known it from the monochromatic filter over the scene. as i began to unpeel it, a voice spoke from the back of my head sayin'...

...hold on...

...go ahead...

...what...

naturally confused, i spun around to see if someone had snuck in while my back was turned. but no, no one was there. however, the words continued to resound in my head. almost like they were callin' me to somethin'. i walked over to the window and took a look outside and the traffic lights at the intersection caught my eye. i looked at them, and looked back at the banana in my hand. that's when it hit me...

see, there was a post i've been lookin' for for ages. in fact, it was the post that inspired me to open my office up in the first place. it was a post comparin' the colors on bananas to the colors on traffic lights. back then, i couldn't find it. but now? i had the experience i needed. i decided to re-open this personal case of mine.

i tucked the banana into my coat and strolled through the rainy streets. i came across that hoppin' joint with jazz music always pourin' out the doors onto the street. the neon sign above the door read "The Search Bar." i headed inside, ready to do some business with my associate, but they were nowhere to be seen. they weren't sittin' at their normal booth. curious, i decided to ask the new robot bartender for help...

say, doll, you know where i can find the Boss?

[Oh! I do apologize. Don Google is upstairs in their office, but they are not seeing any visitors today.]

heh, well we'll see about that, won't we? say, what's your name?

[I am H.A.V.E.N. It stands for Hostess Attending to Virtual and Informational Needs. Essentially, my purpose is to keep track of Don Google's database so they do not have to. I also serve the drinks.]

Haven, huh? nice to meetcha, Haven. i gotta go see the Don though, whether they like it or not. i'll be seein' you later.

i tipped my hat to Haven and walked to the door leadin' to the stairwell. my mind lingered on the robotic hostess, wonderin' what an advanced artificial intelligence construct like her was doin' in this world that had it's basis in 1940's noir, but i wasn't gonna think about it too much. i headed up the stairs and into the Don's office. their goons whipped out their guns and almost took my head clean off, but the big fella themself stopped it.

the office was a far cry from the bustlin' night club on the first floor. where as the club had neon lights and kept things rather dark, probably for the best, the office was more well lit and elegant. it held a more warm atmosphere than the club, but somehow it was more oppressive in here. the walls appeared to be made of wood, bookshelves lined the walls, and a chandelier hung from the ceilin'. there was a carpet in the center of the room that had a kaleidoscope of colors rangin' from blue, red, yellow, and green. and directly across from the door was the desk. mahogany, it seemed, and real fancy too. a giant round window overlookin' the city streets was placed behind it with a large letter "G" formed in the window frames. the Don spun around in their large leather chair and puffed on their cigar.

"'Ey there, Miss Detective. What can I do ya for?"

i'm lookin' for a post involvin' bananas. specifically in relation to traffic lights. you got anythin' like that for me?"

i set the banana i had brought down on the desk and they chuckled at the sight.

"Yea, I think I got what your lookin' for."

with a wave of their hand, one of their goons fetched a file from off one of the shelves and brought it over to them. they thumbed it open with one hand, the other hand draggin' on the cigar. they slid it across the desk.

"This what your lookin' for?"

and there it was. the post that started it all. it had finally come full circle. i grabbed the file eagerly and began to leave the room, but the Don wasn't finished with me yet.

"'Ey, Miss Detective! Don't think I've forgotten about that little favor you owe me..."

i stopped dead in my tracks. preparin' myself for the worst, i stood there frozen. i couldn't even turn around to look at them. but shockingly, the conversation took a different turn.

"I'm not lookin' to cash that in just yet. Just be on the look out for a call, got it? I'm lookin' forward to our partnership."

i couldn't see them, but i knew their snide smile was bearing down on me at that moment. fear filling my body, i left the lion's den and went back to my humble office to file my prize away. as i did so, my stomach rumbled...

damn it. i left the banana with the Don...

Post Case: Closed

[ssnuemoon]

I love having terrible taste in men.

[erisolkat]

fucking sucks when i forget la is los angeles and not las aegas. hope u find them btw!!

thank you ive never actually been to the aquarium where anna banana works maybe shes there...

[artaintfartwarriors]

Hello I've come to say that you've been putting warriors cats in an object show tag see tpot is shortend to

T-the

P-power

O-of

T-two

Which is a show where 42 contestants compete for the power of two

Hi!!! I'm so sorry for the lack of reply I need to check my inbox more often 💀

I'm so sorry tho!!! I didn't know. TPOT for warriors is The Power Of Three which is... sadly so similar to the name of that show. I'll be changing the tag on my blog to be tpo3 from now on, and I'll try to go back and edit as many as I can. Thanks for letting me know, and sorry again!!!!

[nerdie-faerie]

Sometimes, you have to give an answer that isn't even remotely relevant to the question so you can have something to cringe about for the next fortnight or so

[foxxsnacks]

If you liked Spider-Punk in Across the Spider-Verse, here's how you can make Hobie proud:

Get your hands on a guitar

Learn how to play said guitar without formal training

Decapitate supporters of the KOSA Bill with the guitar

Plot twist!!! I'm actually already learning to play guitar and am being taught by a local small business owner!! However I will not be doing that with any of my guitars they're very expensive

...I will, however, put the sword I have to good use-

[chiistarri]

imsoo normal about guys byw

[outer-edges]

just discovered cockney rhyming slang and i am SO obsessed with this i wish it didn't sound absolutely ridiculous in american english because it is right up my alley i LOVE doings that make my speech borderline incomprehensible

[ittybittybumblebee]

Ok quick scribble character body type line-up sheet. Theyre NAKEY

[roseworth]

ahhh okay i said queer as an answer but i didn't mean it passive aggressively i promise, i just thought you wanted an honest answer and that's what i say (unless i'm making fun of corporate pride in which case i say a random string of letters, none of which are accurate)

omg i didnt mean that everyone was being passive aggressive dw <3 <3 like 99% of people reblogging it saying queer meant it as an actual answer and that is so valid, i was asking for an answer and you gave it hfdskfhdafk but like the 1% of people that were rude about it pissed me off </3

[sydmarch]

OH MY GOD THEYRE FUCKING WATCHING YOU HAVE THE HAT INDUCED BREAKDOWN????

[lesbiancarat]

we should be so grateful to 2015 carats for choosing our fandom name... can u imagine if we were called wennie I would cry

[aria0fgold]

When my own fic terrifies me yaknow I’ve done good. There’s just something so unsettling by it, like, how everything feels so... perfect yet so fake, Sunny not being Sunny, Abbi not being Abbi... Omori being way too eerily quiet... that even if he’s in the scene, it doesn’t feel like it at all. Yall, I didn’t mean to write my fic this way, I didn’t even know I can write like this.

[feluka]

remind me to never ever write down anything in arabic ever again

[lesbiangiratina]

So pissed i had to drop out of school right as my entire friend group started turning out to be lgbt. That was funny

[monsterbisexual]

aaaaaall we aaare all weee aaaare is bullets i mean this (x3)

aaaaaall we aaare all we ARRRRRE IS BULLETS! I MEAN THISSSS !