#or i'd just feel like i was ranting about a much smaller blog

[weirdgirlshowdown]

i've seen people talking about it, but none of the posts are getting much traction, so i'd like to say something here where i have a bit of a wider audience

i'm seeing that the schrodinger's gender bracket [the one that everyone was clowning on for including emperor belos from the owl house] includes a lot of characters who are canonical transgender women [gwen stacy from spiderverse] or just transmisogynistic caricatures [chihiro fujisaki from danganronpa] and honestly i find it really disgusting that they're being either misgendered [in the first case] or praised [in the second] by their inclusion in the tournament. from the sheer amount of characters included it seems like this probably wasn't done out of intentional malice, rather just including every submitted character, but if that's the case it's an extremely irresponsible way to run a bracket. irresponsible at best and intentionally transmisogynistic at worst. from mod to mod, you should not have done this.

please don't harass this mod, by the way. instead, if you're ever considering running a tournament of your own, i'm begging you to do what they didn't and be responsible with the characters you choose to include, especially if the poll is about any kind of marginalized demographic. thanks goodnight

[fruity-phrog]

ok hi i read ur anon post i agree w everything n now i NEEED 2 know allll of ur thoughts abt colinmichael + colin's arc and also if u have any colinjamie/ bi jamie or roy hcs. love love love ur blog!!!!!😌💓💓💓🫂

First off, the serotonin you two anons are giving me is insane, this is such a nice ask and I am very happy rn. Thank you for actively inviting me to discuss my hyperfixation.

So most of my thoughts are compiled in the aforementioned anon post, but I have more so here you go:

Since you mentioned Colin's arc, there's something I've noticed. Ever since Colin has been canonicalized as queer, and even before when people simply headcanoned him as queer, his entire arc and history has been pretty much erased. He's not just this closeted guy on the team. He was a dick to Nate for the most of s1 and maybe even some of s2, but then had an uno reverse card pulled on him and got bullied. His character was developed throughout the seasons, especially when Jamie left. He began to change and stopped being Isaac's cocky right hand man. This is something most people forget as he progresses, something I think we need to remember simply because it's a part of his character.

I think that when Isaac and Jamie find out Colin and Michael are dating they will not let Colin forget Michael's height. Isaac definitely makes fun of Colin's height even though he's the same height as Jamie, so for him to be dating a man smaller than him? Instant comedy.

As for bisexual Jamie... firstly, just look at that man. Singular dangly earring. Ridiculous sitting positions. Eyebrow slits. Istg if he turns up one day with black nail polish I'm gonna throw something at my computer. But also, I think he doesn't really understand attraction to men. Obviously, with a dad like that, he has his fair share of toxic masculinity hurting his chances of coming to terms with any kind of sexuality. But I feel like sometimes, maybe as a kid or maybe as an adult, he'll look at a man and feel something and immediately go "Nope this is jealousy I am jealous nope nope nope". Also he definitely had a crush on Roy as a kid. But I'm not to sure about Jamie x Roy in the present. They strike me as more big brother/little brother vibes, but I can definitely see where the shippers are coming from.

And since we're talking about gay Ted Lasso - Barbara 100% has a crush on Rebecca. It's just a fact. She has a crush on her. Maybe that will segway into bisexual Keely being brought back because even though it's already canon no one talks about it.

Actually, I'm going to touch on that as well. Keely is canonically bisexual. Colin wasn't the first queer character - Keely was. "If I'm going to dip my toes back into the lady pool, I can't think of a better body of water to do it with than you." I know it was played off as a joke but it's still canon. I'll actually be quite disappointed if they don't revisit that because the GA has completely ignored it. Keely. Jones. Is. Bisexual. This is a fact.

Okay I've once again diverged from the plot of the ask so I'll steer it back with a theory (kinda). I mentioned this briefly in a post but I really want Colin to stand up against Isaac and the team's comments. Nothing much, just "That's rude". And when Isaac jokes about if Colin's gay, he just says "Yeah. I am. And I want you to stop it". He needs to address the things he said to stay in the closet and I'd love it to be like that.

I actually wrote a random fluff oneshot for Colin coming out. I still think he'll be outed, but I'd love for him to have some control before that happens.

Okie that is my rant. Thank you for asking, and thank you for the compliment about my blog! Have a nice and gay day <3

[aeternallis]

KM Discord Server

As a POC (SE Asian) who was also dogpiled on a much a smaller scale in another discord server, and as one who'd witnessed in real time the events that unfolded in December 2023 in the KM discord server, I think the one thing that's been lost in all this chaos and drama is the human decency of giving people the benefit of the doubt.

Feel free to skip this section!

And for a little background, here's my experience: I reblogged a post on my blog and ranted about a few headcanons that I don't agree with in the tags. Some people read my tags, and concluded from that one post that I'm an outright ableist. Mind you, it was one day, and one post when I had absolutely no filter. Yet still, in which case, the conclusion drawn about me was fair, since in retrospect, I see where I went wrong. Again, I was frustrated for one day in that post and did not think of my tone whatsoever. I face the repercussions of that misjudgment today. For the record, just because I'm a POC, it doesn't mean that I'm immune to hurting other people, no matter the fact that that was never my intention. I did hurt certain individuals with that one damn post and the tags I wrote, and I'll be apologetic and remorseful about it for a long time. But having said that, I'd honestly expected certain people in this fandom to be mature enough to reach out in private first and ask for some clarifications, not to be immediately gossiped about in the discord server we were a part of. On top of that, besides that one incident, I hadn't even realized there was already growing resentment towards the metas I've written for KP/Kimchay, besides one of the few times I brought up personal frustrations I experienced as a POC. Lol

From what I've noticed with this incident in the KM server as well as the small discord server I was a part of, when POC share their own cultural context and understanding of something, not just the piece of media for which is the reason why we were all there in the first place, the knee-jerk reaction for most westerners are almost always to think of those things as "fandom policing."

In fact, in a separate conversation from my experience, one of them even said, "it's not so much about culture!" LOLOL To have that sentiment hurled towards me, while I was speaking of my frustrations of when culture erasure takes place in conversations of certain topics, while the conversation took place in a discord server meant to celebrate an Asian piece of queer media…was quite an experience. XD Goodness, I can only wonder what it's like to be able to have the privilege to say that so easily. That's all I'll say. Ha~

Yet still, from my own point of view, do I call the people who hurt me “individuals with a colonizer mindset” and that other word that’s hanging around right now and unsaid, just because of these few incidents? My knee-jerk reaction is to say yes, considering I wasn't even given a chance to explain myself, but I'll clamp that knee-jerk reaction down as much as I can, because despite everything, I still personally think the KM discord server and that other discord server still did more good than bad (not by much though), in the grand scheme of things. Those servers allowed for some instances of astounding cross-cultural communication (even if it also allowed rampant western ignorance to thrive), and for what it's worth, there are still good people in this community, despite everything.

And at the end of the day, who am I to hurl hurtful labels towards those who'd hurt me, when I hardly even knew them in the first place (two of them I never even talked to, LOL), and I know to myself that they meant no harm at the end of the day. Even if they certainly didn’t hesitate to throw the label “ableist” at me without a second thought.

It's a serious thing to throw a label like that at someone, even if my own experience as a POC who was dogpiled on by a number of westerners...hmm, let's stop that train of thought.

Getting back on track. Even still, these opinions I hold won't erase the experiences of other POC members in this fandom and in the KM discord server, the hurt they've experienced, nor can I speak for any one of them.

I think the bad habit of knee-jerk reactions—specifically the knee-jerk reaction of those wanting to protect the KM discord server in the way that's perceived to result in the least amount of drama, the gut instinct to not want to be caught in the crossfire, the conscious choice to tolerate such things, for the sake of preserving the safe space that one has left—is pretty much what's dominating the behaviors of people responsible right now.

The mods who run such servers like the KM server and others like it—they're not perfect, but I would have at least expected from them to be more open and proactive to the concerns of its POC members. Perhaps it's too much to expect that they would be equipped to handle very sensitive issues as the ones its POC members experienced, but damn...the bar is quite low, even just to meet the minimum.

And that's the most frustrating thing, to be honest. All this time, in all these various situations for those who’ve spoken out, it's the POC members of the community who are ALWAYS the ones who are pressured to having to give people the benefit of the doubt, to have to be careful of what they say, but NOWHERE in these situations is that sentiment even remotely returned to POC.

It was the POC members affected by the incident in December who had to remain patient with the mods, it was the POC members who had to face the backlash of negativity that happened, it’s the POC members of the community who’ve had to face the accusations of fandom policing, it’s the POC members of the community who have to face daily micro aggressions in this fandom, when all we’ve done is express opinions and our viewpoints.

At the end of the day, it’s POC members of the community who face the repercussions of having spoken out, yet the rest of the westerners in this community have the damn luxury to walk away, unscathed, to think to themselves that they did nothing wrong.

So I’ll be blunt this one time: yes, for the most part, there are good people in this fandom, there are. But even so, not a single one of us here is perfect, we’re all human.

And if I do say so myself, there is indeed quite a desperate need for fandom spaces, not just the KP fandom, to decolonize their ways of operating, starting with: giving POC the benefit of the doubt and actually trying to handle our concerns with some effort.

[happyandticklish]

wait no because those rants are so relatable??? sometimes I find myself questioning if I'm still even ticklish, like I remember what it was like from when I was younger but now it can be so hard to laugh and it sucks because I really really want to. there are acceptions like if I go to get a checkup and they're checking heart rate or if I'm getting a back scratch I suddenly cant keep myself still or quiet, but then??? for example just last week a friend offered to tickle me when they came over and I was ecstatic that they'd offer, agreed like it was the best day of my life, only to barely feel it at all. It's genuinely upsetting and I was a little surprised to see these rants under your blog because whenever I get sad about not being as sensitive as I'd like I always think about your tumblr @ name and how great it is that people out there get to experience it to a fuller extent even if I got a smaller end of the stick. like no cap that has genuinely been my thought process and it's what brings me to a melancholy conclusion almost every time. Didn't know it was common to be like this? made my week seeing to I'm not the only one. like I actually dont know what to say this feels so refreshing thank you!!!!!????? ( + the anons :)

Aaaaaaa I'm glad you could take some comfort in this anon!! ^^ Even if it was born out of an intense lee mood and hormonal shit at 3 in the morning, it's cool that it actually resonated with some people! I COMPLETELY get your first point, there's so many moments of things that aren't supposed to tickle tickling (like shower pressures or putting your hands on the outside of a blender or someone pinching me) and it's hard to be chill about it, but then the second you ACTUALLY get tickled it's just,,, nothing.

If it makes you feel any better, I genuinely do believe that it is purely a matter of technique. The fact that other things are tickling you shows that at the very least you are ticklish, it just has to be unlocked through other methods.

A lot of times if you're anticipating the tickling, it can be easier to control your reactions, because you feel in control with it. Obviously most people aren't comfortable with this right away and you don't have to pick this option, but something as simple as tying your hands up so they're unable to help you can work, as it immediatelly increases vulnerability. Blindfolds and teasing can also help with that.

Also, sometimes it's about directing your ler, even if it feels awkward or stilted. If they stumble across something that even slightly tickles, have them stay there, maybe try more or less pressure, show them whether scratchy tickles or poking works, whether your need rough digging and grabbing or gentle traces. Everyone's different, and a lot of times the things that work on one person will be rendered null and void on another. Using tools can be useful too, or lotion, anything to increase your sensitivity.

Being ticklish is just as much a state of mind as it is a physical ability, so getting to a place where (a) you feel comfortable laughing and reacting around your ler and (b) you also kind of DON'T feel comfortable around them, more in the, 'they make you nervous and giggly right off the bat' type of thing. Our inhibitions can often choke up our responses, so teaching yourself to relax in those circumstances can greatly help.

It might also be that you're just not that ticklish, and that's okay too! Being a lee/switch is entirely based around how you feel about tickling as opposed to actually being ticklish. You can be a barely sensitive at all lee who still enjoys the feeling, or a hyper ticklish ler who can't stand to be touched, and both are incredibly valid! You should never feel like you're of less value because you feel like you aren't meeting certain "qualifications" of what a lee/ler/switch should be.

Here's to hoping you can get tickled to your heart's content in the future!

[wikipedie]

I feel like ranting. Since it's personal and not everyone may care, it's under Read More

I wonder if we are not a society that more readily accepts misery rather than joy.

For a few weeks now, I've started a job at a bookstore. I absolutely love it. There are a few struggles as I'm accommodating to standing so much and sometimes the hearing issues make it harder - but nothing I cannot stand. The actual part of the job, the main things: arranging books and talking to clients and talking to my colleagues, even the fact I go to work physically and is not from home is a plus for me.

The main downside is the salary, as I'd known. It's the minimum wage and is, frankly, at the limit of survivable. I can pay rent, utilities, some other thing I have to pay to and that's pretty much it. Does it suck? Yeah.

But still, not as much as working a corporate job. It was giving me literally all the mental health issues+ physical issues and it was not what was good to me.

And yet, my closest family... they act like they expect me to get running. Or I don't know how to put it. My older sister told me that she understands, and is happy for me, but I'll have to see in a few months if I won't get bored of it and of the routine. (The former jobs were way more of a routine than the actual ones are!) My dad asked me about the money instantly. Even some close friends of mine urged me at the beginning that working for a bookstore on a smaller salary will pose difficulties for me. (One of them is likely to read this. Bro, just so you know, I'm not shaming you or trying to vague blog. I'm just... making a point here I think.) I know their worries are well founded. Poverty is really harmful, living on a small salary and having no money can make you miserable. I suppose it is up to me to see what is more harmful, a job that I love on a smaller salary or a job that I dislike on a bigger salary.

But the point is...I don't know, it's tiring. If I complain about money sometimes, it's only because I am honest with my worries - I may very well not do that anymore to my family if it is going to stop them from looking at me like they're waiting for me to realize how horrible it is. Them saying that I'll see in a few months if I still like the job, as if I'm some idealistic 18 years old who thinks all is perfect. I went to corporate jobs because I feared being a dumb idealistic person and it was miserable. So I guess I'll just be a dumb idealistic person that is slightly happier with life and just accept and enjoy it.

I like it now, is that not what it matters? If I will not like it in 3-5-10 months, I will probably go, why does that matter? It feels like they're waiting for me to fail.

I know they aren't. They love me, they're worried for me and they ultimately mean well. Money makes world go round, and all that. But maybe if I make a life that I like living I won't need so much money to distract myself from the things I don't like about it. Is it idealistic? Probably. You never know when a health crisis can appear. You never know when an accident appears or a natural disaster, or like...anything that requires money. However, it still feels worth it.

Fuck it dude, if I die, I die. I want to at least leave a life I loved living.

Today I thought a lot about Mary Oliver's poem Journey

[balletomaneblog]

About your recent ask, I'm so rooting for Daria Ionova too! Since she graduated, I never understood why she got behind from the girls her year. She is so musical, has great acting, beautiful lines and amazing port de bras! I don't know if I'm overly reacting to this, but in my opinion, she would be a great Giselle, Aurora, Masha, Juliet, Nikiya, Maria from The Fountain of Bakhchsarai, and even Odette. It's crazy that she never performed Masha in The Nutcracker! And I can only imagine how great she would be in the Kingdom of Shades. I just wished the theater would invest more in her and other dancers who are good and can improve with the right opportunities.

Right now, the MT divides itself in four types of dancers: the favorites who get all the opportunities, even when not deserved; the principals that have the least performances; the reliable ones they don't promote, but they work like crazy; and those who rarely get an opportunity and when they do, they get stuck in dancing the same role over and over, or being in the corps. Anyways, sorry about the rant lol.

Never apologize for ranting to me lol !!! Especially about Daria Ionova, as I adore her!

We know Daria got unlucky with the group that she graduated with. 2018 was an insane year for female Vaganova graduates (Khoreva, Bulanova, Nuikina, Ionova, Lendvai, Voroshilova, etc). But Daria can more than hold her own so I don't think this is entirely the problem. She debuted some of her larger roles like Gulnare right before COVID, which meant she was slowed down just as she was getting momentum, and then an injury had her out for much of last season as well.

Thankfully she's been back for awhile and she's had some debuts this season as Shyrin's Friends in Legend of Love and in the Almeh pas de trois and the Pas d'Action trio in La Fille du Pharaon. However, it frustrates me to no end that these are all smaller debuts. Out of the roles you listed I would especially love to see her as Maria in Bakhchisarai and as Giselle! And I've said before she would be a perfect Sylphide and I'd also love to see her as Le Papillon in Carnaval. Not to mention that she's always cast as First Odalisque even with Gulnare in her rep. I wish she'd get another shot at that role too.

I'm always wishing for more roles for Daria and am hoping that she finishes this season with some more debuts!

To your other points, I completely agree with you. I love following the Mariinsky and at the same time the management sometimes makes me want to hit my head against the wall. There's so many talented dancers and so few who get a real shot. I especially resonated with what you said about the "reliable ones they don't promote, but they work like crazy" and will take this as my opportunity to rant about Osmolkina who more than fits this description. In any other company she would have been promoted to principal ages ago! She dances almost everything, has amazing technique, beautiful acting skills, and brings a unique presence to the theatre. And while she dances exclusively principal roles and has a larger workload than most of the principal dancers, she was never promoted and almost definitely won't be now that she's at the very end of her career. And of course there are plenty of lower ranking dancers who have it even worse.

Anyways . . . feel free to rant on my blog anytime! And it's always good to know that there's someone else out there wishing for more opportunities for Dasha!

[28whitepeonies]

i think what this fandom is lacking right now (besides basic common decency and empathy towards closeted people and being respectful when they have to perform their closets sometimes) is perspective and expectation management. like for example, i’m seeing a lot of people saying that this stunt “feels like 2013”, and that no other girlfriend has been on tour as much as olivia and harry hasn’t had to “endure” anything like this before and ofc the whole hastag freeharry thing. but what people fail to understand is, this stunt looks different from anything we’ve seen before because harry is in a place he’s never been before in his career. he’s never been more famous, more relevant and, consequently, more visible. so it’s obvious that a pr/bearding relationship isn’t gonna go about the same way as it would’ve back in, let’s say, 2017. now, if you’ve had different expectations as to what harry’s life would look like right now, that’s on you. he’s under no obligation to meet those. and it’s really fucking entitled of fans to think they know what’s best for him than he himself does. there's just such a severe lack of nuance when it comes to this fandom and interpreting what goes on. and you shouldn’t be supporting harry because you need him to be your walking gay parade every day or if you’re just waiting around for him to come out because he doesn’t own you that. no queer person does. queer people don’t have to just survive, we’re allowed to live whichever way we want. also, i think i’d be much simpler if people simply just owned up to their feelings instead of fruitlessly attempting to come up with seemingly “ethical” reasons why a certain thing bothers them. like whenever there’s a new beard in the picture, it’s always like “oh this person specifically is BAD she’s the PROBLEM if it was ANY other person i’d be fine with it!” like c’mon now love we all know that’s not true. like just say that it bothers you when closeted people have to perform their closets then maybe try to redirect your anger and frustration at systemic homophobia as a whole and not individuals. (sorry for the rant, i’m a little worked up)

Good morning anon

Thanks for your thoughts. There's quite a lot in this, and surprisingly to precisely no one I have thoughts, so I'm probably just going to focus on the main points.

I do think that when an artist grows in popularity in the way that Harry has over the past few years that fans who have been around for a long time or who run fan blogs, and therefore often have high level of engagement with everything they do, have a lot of difficulty adjusting. Part of that likely comes down to how fans interpret different types of engagement. I don't think this is unusual and I don't think that it's inherently an issue if folk are able to recognise but that recognition doesn’t seem to be happening here.

I am not a fan of large gig venues, I'm always going to prefer venues of less than 2,500 people - the smaller the better personally. That means that if I want to see Harry (and I suspect after this tour, Louis) again I either go anyway or I don't right and whichever of those I chose is fine and if I go, and I don't have a good time I think it is important for fans to be have space to say 'I didn't enjoy this as much as x' or 'I don't think I'd go and see Harry again because y'. Where the issue arises for me, is when you start to make that a problem that Harry should solve. Ultimately I choose what I engage with and Harry chooses what he does.

Now let's apply that to beards - I think fans having space to say things like 'I don't like the way this relationship is being so heavily focused on because x' or I don't want to engage with media on Harry or Louis' relationships any more' is really important.

I also think it's really important that if you're having a negative reaction to something to think about why and then you can draw some boundaries. But a lot of the discourse around both Harry and Louis (but I am going to focus on Harry here) shows a real lack of interest in how the world works, the reality of being closeted, and a downright denial to acknowledge that they have agency here.

The position Harry has managed to create for himself continues to fascinate me, and while I think it's likely this relationship with Olivia was borne out of more traditional movie PR tactics (which are very fucking common people) it is useful to look at what Harry is also working on (ie My Policeman) and think about why such an act of heterosexuality might be required if he is to retain the ability to perform that he has at the moment.

Now in all of this my concern over how Olivia is treated by fans is actually far less to do with Olivia herself and far more to do with the implications of the level of misogyny that's being directed at her and what that tells us about the level of hatred being directed at a woman for her existence. I am pretty confident Olivia is capable of looking after herself, she's been in that industry long enough that I have no doubt she has encountered a whole range of misogynistic assholes, and if she's not what then I am saying in my little corner of the internet will not do anything to help. Equally, my concerns about the demands placed on Harry are ultimately less about Harry and are more about demands on artists and on queer people, in terms of how they should be representing themselves and at what point you might consider them to be queer enough.

And while I do occasionally spam post my thoughts on things I’m less interested in what individual people are doing (although as @jlf23tumble puts it I do care about blogs who have ‘hive minds’) I am far more interested in what is happening on a mass level because it’s when people act collectivelyvthat real change can happen, but equally (whether deliberately or not) where the real harm can be caused. 

[neowinestainedress]

⸺ REQUESTS RULES   ⸺

I already had a section about this under 'about the blog' but since I've changed some things and I want it to be easier to find, I made this separate post. Also, I'm gaining a lot of new followers and I need to clarify some things.

REQUESTS: closed

⸺ RULE 1 I don't write y/n unless you send me a request for a drabble. The main reason is that I don't like writing in second person but I decided to give it a try for these smaller requests and it doesn't 'trigger' me this bad so I'll keep going for now. If the stories are requested, I've been trying to don't give the main character a name unless I've been discussing the story more with the anon and they don't mind it.

⸺ RULE 2 Since I've been also accepting drabbles, when you send a request, please specify if you want a drabble or if you want a longer fic (+1000k words count, more details, etc). HOW?

DRABBLES REQUESTS "member(s) + kink/phrases/whatever you want" of course you can also add a rant in it or if you have something more specific but just use that format so I'll know you want a short thing and with the 2nd person pov.

STORIES REQUESTS In the same way you've always been doing, maybe use the word "request" so I'm sure it's a longer story.

⸺ TIMING I always answer the requests you send, if I accept them and even if I feel like don't write them (for now it never happened). So if I tell you I'll write it, I will. I'd like to follow the time order I've been sent them but it's all about inspiration and sometimes I write a story in a day and some others it takes me months. If I make you wait it's not because I hate you but because I want it to be as good as possible, especially since it has been requested and that means you trust me with it. When it comes to drabbles I've been answering them in the span of the day (but it can change because I also have a life and I'm a student)

⸺ HOW DO I KNOW YOU'RE WORKING ON IT? HERE. You find a list of all my upcoming works. I update it often so it's accurate. I also have the #requests updates to keep track of them

⸺ MEMBERS I DON'T WRITE ABOUT I don't feel the same inspiration for everybody and it's also pretty random. If you don't see a member in my masterlist I probably don't write about them (except for wayv, I have stories in the wip with Kun and Yangyang that I should post for October)

⸺ THINGS I WON’T WRITE ABOUT 

graphic sa

mafia 

I’m not a big fan of name-calling like slut/whore so I avoid using it as much as possible (but i put degradation/humiliation kink in my works, I simply don’t use those terms) 

age regression / age play / infantilization of any kind 

scat play, feet fetish, somnophilia, cnc, korean honorific kink 

extremely big age gaps (my limit is around ten years) 

prostitution (not in a romanticized way but I think that aside from the poly series I won’t use this topic on any other occasion either) 

high school au (only if I need some kind of flashbacks but otherwise I’m too old for that shit, and so are the people I write about) 

⸺ ONE LAST THING When you send a request it would be nice to let me know what you think about the story once I post it, EVEN if you didn't like it (of course, be polite). In general, feedback is always appreciated but requests are something done for you because you specifically asked them. If I didn't like writing them I wouldn't accept them, but please keep in mind that it's even harder to write a story with an idea that doesn't come from your brain.

[jeontaeil-archived]

welcome to charlie's 2:45 a.m. ramblings which she believes important enough to post on her main instead of being cryptic on her rant blog/journal.

i would like another moment to be brutally honest with y'all because i'm starting to notice something and i'm not exactly proud of it.

i have always had a rapid growth of followers and i've seen the results of it through interactions, not only with my works but also with me in general through asks and whatnot.

however, for some unknown reason, it has come to my attention that as my following continues to grow now, the amount of people interacting with me regularly is steadily declining.

only a month ago, i'd only have to ask for hard hours once, and my inbox would be full for a good few weeks. but now, despite asking for the same almost three times in the same day, i'm met with nothing.

"i was about to say isn't charlie's inbox always dry," said elyesa earlier today. this sudden change in the frequency of interactions has been quite noticeable, and not just to me evidently.

now some of y'all might think i'm being greedy for interactions. "think about the smaller blogs," one anon had said the last time i complained about an empty inbox.

well here's why this matters so much to me. my motivation for this blog is solely driven by interactions. i love answering asks and talking to people about things that sometimes aren't even related to kpop or writing. seeing that little dot at the top of my inbox fills me with a joy that compares to nothing. when i'm having a shitty day or need a quick break, i always turn to tumblr, expectant to interact with everyone, and it is so rewarding when that eagerness is reciprocated.

as i was typing this up i got an ask and it honestly made me feel very hypocritical about thinking like this in the first place. however i still want to let all 5.6k of you know what fuels my passion for staying with this blog instead of ditching it and starting afresh like i've wished to do so many times before. interactions give me something to look forward to everyday, something to help blow off steam, or distract me when life's being a little bitch.

to those of you who attempt to give my annoying ass attention, thank you so much. i appreciate every single one of you. now that i think of it, this post is sort of like a cry for help because my mental health hasn't been the most stable lately. i know i'm not the most likable person, and as a lot of you have pointed out, i'm also not the most approachable. but ya girl craves interactions online to make up for how quiet i am irl (that doesn't even make sense and look at how i literally contradicted the entire purpose of this post).

anyways, i'll conclude whatever bullshit this was right here because idk how to say what i wanna say in the best way possible. it feels nice to be able to actually type this up and post it instead of deleting it like i always do because i have a bad habit of ignoring or invalidating my own feelings.

- charlie s.

[asmo-ds]

As a bullied person, I'd like to say that i can heavily relate to both Mammon and Luke, but that they're both coping in unhealthy ways.

Mammon is a scapegoat and has let himself be a scapegoat for the sake of his family. He's constantly put down, bullied, and sometimes physically hurt by his family and though he could easily physically dtop slot of them, he doesn't. He loves his family very much and they love him too, none of them are bad people but their constant mistreatment of him has developed into something really toxic. They're trying their best to cope with the situation they've been put in but they really need therapy and can't keep putting one member of the family down to function. This can develop into self-worth insecurity, a feeling of being trapped or hopeless, or a fear of the people he loves.

Luke is a very personal case to me. I was called a dog in middle, elementary, and part of highschool. It got to the point where people would throw my things and tell me to fetch. This isn't out of the realm of things someone would do to Luke. Nobody hates Luke. They just don't understand that he's an actual kid with emotions that matter, and if they do they try to ignore that fact. Lucifer cannonly puts Luke down to relive stress and feel good. They're just putting down people smaller then them. Luke responds woth outrage which us never good because it's exactly what they want. Not to say that this is Luke's fault, Luke is ten and very emotional. It is up to the adults in the situation to stop before things go too far. The real kicker is that Simeon has such a "Keep the peace" attitude most of the time that he doesn't stand up for Luke, only ignoring him or telling to to "turn the other cheek". Simeon isn't a bad dad but that is really damaging to a kid. Along with all the other trauma he's being put through, this can cause body issues, self-doubt, issues with feeling adequate, isolation, and the idea that no one is on his side.

I say this as a person currently studying philosophy (taking a collage corse while in highschool) and relating to these characters has really help me to identify my own issues.

Sorry about the rant you didn't ask for btw, your blog is my safe space

“sorry about the-“ shush i’m literally in love w you and want the best for you

i’m sorry you’ve been through so much dear. I think your insight is very correct and important on the ways they cope and i completely agree and wish they would find some way to stand up for themselves

[obsessivelollipoplalala]

wow you read m&m so early immediately after the movie’s release! i came into this fandom relatively late (the start of this year). i’m quite curious, how was the whole fandom experience late 2018-2019? i heard it’s really fun since it was the peak of the queen fandom online among younger people, i’m sure there was a lot of content and it must have felt so crowded compared to now. but i also see comments on how there was a lot more drama back then soooo idk lol. sometimes i come across posts by dead blogs and most blogs in the notes are also dead as well and it’s like i just stepped into a cemetery lol 😬 it felt weird, almost like a liminal space where time has stopped. sometimes i feel sad over the fact that i came so late i didn’t get to witness the golden age of queen renaissance, but also lucky in a way that everyone active now is all amazing and tumblr became a tight knit community where everyone pretty much knows everyone and things travel quick. i’m on tiktok as well and the demographic there is definitely mostly kids and young teens, idk whether they migrated from tumblr or never stepped foot into the tumblr community. they’re mostly great people apart from having some boundary issues and some kids being dumb tactless and inappropriate but i definitely prefer it here lol

Oh, I read about the backlash to the movie, somehow found tumblr blogs talking about Jim, got curious and immediately found the book for free online, and read it all before I listened to a single Queen song that wasn't a single. I'm not kidding. Jim's book fully pushed me off a cliff into this world lmao. I remember my friend coming over a few days later and I said, "Listen, I need to rant to you about Freddie Mercury and his partner" and she just nodded and smiled as I lost my mind.

Anyway lol, my experience was limited since I only followed like, three blogs back then, all pro-Jim and anti-movie, two of which are gone now lol. I was only in the fandom on tumblr, too, and didn't see any of the insta fandom until 2020. From what I saw on tumblr, there was a lot more discourse about the movie, as to be expected, and there were more Jim haters as anons in people's inboxes. There was more Brian hate, too, due to his defense of the movie, which I've talked about at length before. Fan content certainly got a lot more notes back then, and it makes me wish I was drawing as much as I am now so I would've gotten more notes lol. But the fandom was more movie-focused in that people's interpretations of the guys was clearly based on the film and not interviews, you know what I mean? Because a lot of people were only really fans of the movie, and not the band, the fandom got a lot smaller pretty quickly by the end of 2019 as they lost interest, sadly.

The tumblr community is more tightly knit since it's so small, though not everyone is best buddies. That's normal, though. Everything I hear about tiktok makes my organs hurt, and I'd guess they were never in the tumblr community to begin with tbh, especially the kids. The fandom on here tends to be adults with some older teens thrown in the mix.

[nofangirltoobignofandomtoosmall]

Okay so I had anothe big brain storm and I'm going to talk about it all in one post!

The Willoughbys.

But? What if? It was a BROADWAY SHOW!?

I already have an idea for a cast!

1. Tim Willoughby

I was thinking my boy, Jesse Tyler Ferguson! If he just shaved the beard I feel like he could work really well as Tim! I don't know, I can just see it already. He's just so dorky and adorable, just like Tim. Plus his singing voice has such Tim energy I love him.

2. Jane Willoughby

Honestly we could just have Alessia Cara come reprise her role as Jane! She's already a beautiful singer! I don't think I've heard any of her acting besides Jane, but hopefully it could work? Her Jane was amazing.

3. The Barnabys

Okay, hear me out. Celia and Andrew Keenan Bolger would be such funny Willoughbys. After seeing Celia's performance as Olive we know she can pull off a pretty good straight face. So can Andrew, knowing his many comedic performances. It just be fun to see these two siblings work together on stage!

4. Walter Willoughby

If you didn't see this one coming, you've probably JUST been introduced to my blog. Christian Borle would be such a hilarious Walter and no one can tell me otherwise! He's shaved his beard before, he can do it again.

5. Helga Willoughby

JUST HAVE JANE KRAKOWSKI COME IN AND REVIVE HER ROLE. Jane has already been on broadway, and she was already a very iconic Helga. Why change something that's already perfect?

6. Linda The Nanny

Now, I have two choices for this one. I would frickin KILL! To see Tracie Thoms do this role, I would! Tracie Thoms would slay this role like the goddess she is. But also, Catrice Joseph would be so good too! After seeing her play Sour Kangaroo in Seussical The Musical? It just reminds me so much of Linds's energy, I LOVE IT!

7. Commander Melanoff

Do I even need to explain this one? Get Leslie Odom Jr. over here RIGHT NOW! He would be such a nice, sweet and POWERFUL Commander Melanoff! Get this man on stage before I go crazy!

8. Irene Holmes

This may have been a smaller character, but I kill for songs about people wanting nothing but money. They're usually bops! And with Audra McDonald?? Holy Moly. An operatic song about people wanting nothing but money? EVEN BETTER! She would slay that runway!

9. Orphan

Okay, okay...oh my god. Please, please, please! Stephanie J. Block. I just need more Stephanie J. Block playing mean (yet caring) roles on Broadway. Her being the leader of Orphan Services would be amazing. Just an entire song Orphan Services song in Stephanie's voice? Wowie. But honestly, Steph can make anything sound great!

Last but not least...

10. The Cat

This just depends on whether or not The Cat would be a singing or speaking role. Both James Corden and Ricky Gervais are hilarious and talented people. James already played a cat so I guess it would work? If the cat would sing James would be an amazing choice! If not, which honestly works because The Cat being a non-singing role fits very well. Ricky could revive his role as the cat, bringing back The Cat's already hilarious personality!

Thanks for listening to my dumb rant. Oh and please add on if you have anymore ideas for the cast or just in general! I'd love to hear them! And as much as I love these actors I wouldn't mind seeing all new people, a lot of people won't make it to broadway if all these famous people keep getting the roles. The famous people are amazing but Broadway has room for everyone, all new people should and hopefully will be welcomed!

[thattimdrakeguy]

This is just me ranting cuz I need to blow off steam cuz it's been a crappy almost week now for me mostly in real life, and I'm just upset at the bad timing stuff for me. So I'm aware this isn't a big deal I'm hardly trying to treat this is a big deal cuz it isn't as much as it kinda seems I'm taking it. It's about different stuff for me.

A.K.A I'm sensitive emotionally about real life stuff.

So me blowing off steam about a small thing cuz it sucks to worry about your happy time stuff when real life is so sad down below.

I know it's stupid but by the time I went back to write this I'm mellowed out. Just personal life frustration coming out on the small things in life.

I dunno how to put a read more below thing on phone. Dang.

So Tim isn't gonna be Robin anymore. That's quite stupid. The only reason it changed back was because Bendis changed him back. This makes no sense.

I been defending the decision cuz Tim only wanted to be Robin. It made sense to me. Now what. Why bother changing back.

Like I'm sure the new name will be fine but why bother changing it back. If he didn't change it back I wouldn't care.

But there was three reason's I was excited for this: Tim was Robin again (something I preferred and felt was right anyway), The Patrick Gleason Tim costume was an amazing modern version of my #1 favorite super hero costume, and I trusted Bendis cuz of Ultimate Spider-Man.

Now Tim is gonna have some new name that wasn't necessary. Damian seemed like he was moving on in life from it and it's all Tim wanted to be. So storywise it made sense to me. Now it just seems pointless.

Now Tim's probably gonna get a new costume and it's probably not even gonna be designed by Patrick Gleason someone who designed my second favorite super hero costume. It's probably gonna be designed by John Timms who can't even draw Tim. He just draws him to look just like Dick which is simply frustrating. So the costume is probably gonna suck.

And it's like, I still don't mind a lot of Bendis's decisions that got people hot and fired up mad, but the main thing I been defending is now void.

It's frustrating.

And don't get me wrong overall, in general I do not believe it will be straight bad. This is all about me and what's going on in my life and how the timing of this reveal was right after some nasty personal things going on.

If Bendis said he was giving him a new name I would say "a little weird but okay", but he got me happy by making him Robin. I felt he got it, then he does this, and it's a hard thing to process for me at the moment cuz of my problems in real life clouding me up.

Like its been a mostly bad week for me. I've been depressed and sensitive so I been using Young Justice to help take my mind off stuff, and it's done a dang good job so far for the most part till more bad gets added on in my personal life.

It's just bad timing for me really. I didn't need to be upset at what was keeping me going by being confused, upset, and making me over think it a bunch for something so little cuz of me and my life atm.

I'm already calming out over it already, getting over it. I am not happy at all over it, but I needed to blow off steam cuz this is a me thing. Just a me thing cuz me and my life is a sore sensitive thing right now.

I'm not even trying to be critical all the way, I couldn't be cuz of how my personal life been going. I'd just feel stupid ranting for an hour over something this small when in the end it's not a big thing.

It's a me, and the poor timing and quality of my life thing. Looking forward to this conic in January kept me alive. It motivated me each month. If this happened and my personal life was fine. This would've been a smaller post.

I needed to yell. Cuz it's easier to yell about dumb stuff to no one in particular. Instead of what's crap about my life to some poor sod who probably has their own problems going on.

Like I heard if I leave my mom's house I can't come back and I'm already being threatened to get kicked out cuz of my inability to gain a job since I'm too miserable, depressed, suicidal and anxious all the time. Like now my therapist is considering me suicidal cuz I been more open about it with her. And now cuz of that getting kicked out of the main home I've lived in the majority of my life crap I'm more depressed.

So it's a time for me where real life is awful, and so I been using comics, movies, and TV shows to just give me some mental off time. Cuz it is mentally exhausting.

Now it's like some of my favorite stuff is getting meddled with and it made me upset emotionally cuz of all this stuff adding up on me in the matter of a week and a day.

I'm already mellowed out on the topic of Tim getting a new name and how much it says about the state of the comic and what not. It's a comic.

But this post wasn't about that, it was me just yelling about anything cuz I needed to yell and I'm sad and this made me a bit sadder. Even if it's just a little bit. A little bit is a lot right now for me.

My personal life sucks I just didn't need to worry about the thing I looked forward to each month basically.

I dunno why I tried to over complicate it and hide it when I started writing this. I'm not bothering to edit it cuz maybe there's a good point in there as I have a weird moment about the state of my life and how emotionally sensitive I am right now right on my blog for all to see.

This was a really strange post.

Have a good Tim.

[purplefictionmom]

I'd normally be like "ALL THE QUESTIONS" but I'm really interested in 7 and 15 (but like if you wanted to do them all then hell yeah pls do)

You know what, Imma answer them all, cause I love you darling~

All answers under the cut, cause I’m sure I'll get long winded, as usual haha

1) is there a story you’re holding off on writing for some reason?I mean, there was a story that I had been sitting on for...10 years, I think? I just didn’t know how I wanted to tell the story. It started as a mockumentary type of thing, then when that didn’t fit the narrative style I wanted to tell, I moved to a classic modern fantasy style, but that didn’t pan out either.

Then, the game called “What Remains of Edith Finch” came out and it hit me so hard that I nearly passed out: that is the perfect narrative style for the book idea I’ve been sitting on!!

Incidentally, if you haven’t played/watched someone play it, “What remains of Edith Finch” is an excellent game and Jacksepticeye does a wonderful let’s play of it :D

2) what work of yours, if any, are you the most embarrassed about existing?Not as much anymore, but I used to hate bringing up “...And the Things That Followed.” Just for a short what-for: ATTTF is a Left4Dead/2 fanfiction, reader-insert that started as a sort of experiment: I perused lunaescence and picked a fandom that I was familiar with, but that didn’t have a lot of fanfiction to choose from. I mostly wanted to see if smaller fandoms stay active, even with very little content to choose from. And boy, did I get my answer.

The biggest reason that I ended up embarrassed over it was because I hadn’t intended it to be a romance fic (I mean...the two main characters are the reader and a Hunter, and what with necrophilia being really gross and all...), but I had readers out and out demand for it, to the point of going on strike from reading my fanfic. This was years ago, mind you, so I caved like a wet noodle and now hate that particular fanfic, to the point where I don’t even want to write the two sequels that I already had planned and half-written.

So, it started out as embarrassment, now its more I wish I could just delete it and forget it exists, but I’m one of those authors who has a really hard time deleting anything, even things I hate haha.

3) what order do you write in? front of book to back? chronological? favorite scenes first? something else?For the very first, ultimate scene I picture in each fic/story/novel, it could really end up anywhere in the final version.

After that first initial scene I see, I try to start as far back as I think I can get away with and move forward from there, so I guess the short answer is I write from beginning to end, no matter how it ends up being at the end, haha.

4) favorite character you’ve writtenI guess this is supposed to not include characters I don’t own, but that’s no fun so here you go:

OC: A supernatural Hunter named Silva and another hunter (who I have an rp blog for) named Theodora ‘Timmie’ Wilson

Non-OC: Writing Yusuke from YYH and Asgore from UT

5) character you were most surprised to end up writingI’m not quite sure what this question means, so I’ll just take a stab and guess it’s talking about how a character can end up differently on paper than how you first envisioned them in your head.

And that award goes to Silva. I expected her to be a hard, cold killer, but she had so much inner turmoil and hidden thoughts that she was definitely the hardest character to write until I actually started to understand her.

Which took an ungodly amount of time, tbh haha.

6) something you would go back and change in your writing that it’s too late/complicated to change nowProbably how often I use the double-hyphen. Its meant to be an alternative to using commas (which, I use to many as it is anyway haha), but now they litter my writing like popcorn on the floor at a midnight release, haha.

7) when asked, are you embarrassed or enthusiastic to tell people that you write?Honestly? A little of both.

I’m someone who sees fanfiction (and any fanwork at all, tbh) as legitimate art forms, but there are so many who not only don’t agree, but they belittle and question those who participate in fandoms.

There are days I have all my shit together and I’m ready to defend my fanfiction to the death, along with all my original content; I have my sources, I have examples, so on and so forth, but other days...

Well, let’s just say there are days I don’t even volunteer that information to people willingly haha.

8) favorite genre to writeOther than fanfiction, I love horror, fantasy, and scifi the best, though there are plenty of times it feels like I’m hardly writing for any of those genres at all, haha.

9) what, if anything, do you do for inspiration?Fanfiction, most of the time, but I also listen to songs on the radio, discuss ideas with friends/family (my step-dad was the only person when I was growing up who nurtured my love for telling stories and many of my ideas for novels came from talking with him over the years), or I also like to free-write.

At least, I think its called free-writing haha. I basically just put my pen on paper and just talk to the page with my pen. Sometimes, its just a rant, but more often then not, I’ll find a story or character hidden there.

10) write in silence or with background noise? with people or alone?All of the above, haha. In the perfect atmosphere, music is playing in the background, and I’m completely alone with no distractions, but since that’s not reality, I’ve sort of forced myself to adapt to what I can.

My computer (where I do 90% of my writing) is in the living room of my house, so my hubby is usually around, and if he’s playing overwatch, then its usually a few voices playing in the background.

If it gets to be too distracting, I just put headphones in, but I also write in notebooks and I take those everywhere, so for that, I just write when/what I can as I go along.

11) what aspect of your writing do you think has most improved since you started writing?Definitely dialogue, but also my prose. Honestly, all of it, haha. I look back at stuff I wrote years ago and I wonder how anybody thought I was any good, haha.

12) your weaknesses as an authorIf I had to pick one, its probably that I tend to either over-explain, or under-explain. There is no in-between, haha. My first drafts are often a mess of me focusing in on the details of one room and then not describing a setting for two chapters or more.

13) your strengths as an authorProbably my ability to logically follow order of events, even though I don’t plot, like, at all. This also makes it easy to see where I can divert from what’s expected and explore different avenues.

14) do you make playlists for your current wips?Not really? I tend to either put my whole library on shuffle, or I have a dedicated writing playlist that’s full of background music from video games and other things like that.

15) why did you start writing?It started as an outlet.

When I was about 10, my dad came home from work one day while my mom was still at work and while I watched, packed all his stuff into his car, called my mother and told her that if she didn’t get off work soon I’d be home alone, and then left.

I was in a complete and total depression from around then until well into my late teens (I have a little depression now, and a slew of other problems, but now for diff reasons). On top of my dad leaving, my mother, step-father and I all moved to a completely new state, where I started to bomb academically and had literally no friends until almost a year later.

It started out as angsty pre-teen poetry (a lot of which actually still pretty good, even as I go back to read it), then it spilled into fanfiction and fandoms, and around the age of 13--once my step-dad found my love of writing and wanted to pull me away from fanfiction--I finally started writing original ideas out.

16) are there any characters who haunt you?Silva, and a few others. Not so much because their stories are left untold, but moreso because of the way they helped shape me as a writer and the things I was interested in writing about.

The debate about whether or not a writer should write about a certain subject usually stems from readers, but I tend to lean toward the argument from a writer’s point of view: there are subjects that I broached as a teenager that I needed to explore in order to be who I am today, as a person and as a writer. Not to say I have something horrible in my writer’s past that I wouldn’t be able to share, but more that it might be questionable about the age that I delved into those topics. (and no, I don’t mean just smut, though that is included in what I’m talking about)

17) if you could give your fledgling author self any advice, what would it be?Stop wasting your time trying to please family members with what you write. Most of them are going to ignore the whole of your writing and focus in on the one swear word you threw in for characterization anyway.

Write what makes you happy; whether or not its publishable isn’t the point. You’re just starting out and you need to write; to get better, to learn the ropes, so just go WRITE!

18) were there any works you read that affected you so much that it influenced your writing style? what were they?Oh geez...at the beginning, everything I read affected my writing style. Fanfiction, published novels, everything.

Probably my biggest influencers would be “The Green Mile” by Stephen King, “The Hobbit” by JRR Tolkien, “This Present Darkness” By Frank Peretti.

And while these are hugely different authors with different writing styles, they more influenced me in my way of thinking. Of expanding my imagination of what could be if I just had the courage to write it.

19) when it comes to more complicated narratives, how do you keep track of outlines, characters, development, timeline, ect.?I either have a notebook filled with notes about characters/information, or I use a website called Hiveword(dot)com. It’s a novel tracking website that also advertises its program (which you have to pay for), but the website itself is free and you can store all the information about your book, characters, timeline, etc.

20) do you write in long sit-down sessions or in little spurts?Both, but I get more done with longer sessions. I know that seems like a no-brainer, but its more because of how I prep myself for my writing time:

I have to have a glass of water or cup of coffee, I have to have my music playing (which, with spotify could take a few minutes to load), I have to re-read the last page or so of what was previously written so I can get back into the feel of it, then I can actually sit down and write.

the little spurts end up being in my notebooks and they’re a mess, honestly, haha.

21) what do you think when you read over your older work?I used to cringe and close it immediately, but I’ve been trying to analyze and see the biggest differences in my writings from a then and now standpoint. Sometimes its really hard, if its particularly bad or whatev, but its been a real confidence booster when I can see where I was and where I am now.

22) are there any subjects that make you uncomfortable to write?Not uncomfortable, per se, but I tend to try and think of things from a reader’s perspective at the same time I write, so there are times when I get a little too involved in what’s happening on the page, haha.

HIAPOTS was a terror to write at some points because of this.

23) any obscure life experiences that you feel have helped your writing?All of it, if I’m being honest, but obscure things specifically? Hmm...

I mean, probably the fact that I give all my pets personalities and conversations between each other? I do it without thinking, but there are times where I’ll find myself using lines or situations from this weird little thing in my actual writings, haha.

24) have you ever become an expert on something you previously knew nothing about, in order to better a scene or a story?OMG SO MUCH. Like, idk about ‘expert’, but I have so much useless trivia in my head because of being an author. Talk with me for an hour and see if I don’t throw ‘fun facts’ into the mix of our conversations haha.

25) copy/paste a few sentences or a short paragraph that you’re particularly proud ofOh ugh...umm...let me to look...

From a currently unpublished reader/sans fic I’m writing:You understand, don’t you, Sans? 

Sure, Sans understood. Sans always understood. He was the one who didn’t make waves, or overturn boats--you could always count on Sans to be the reassuring nod when you felt lost or the understanding ex who’s perfectly okay with just letting things die, even though the ending came as the greatest punchline ever written in history:

He hadn’t even seen it coming.

(I love delving into characters’ heads, and i love it more when i can do it well enough to feel comfortable with letting other people read it, haha)

From Part 6 of my Garrus/Reader serial fic:“They were my cases,” Garrus admitted, his eyes finally leaving Castis’s in favor of looking at the floor, “And I can’t watch it happen again.”

If Castis didn’t have such a steely reign on his composure now, Garrus might have been clued into his father’s line of thought. As it was, Castis was being forced to realize that he had been wrong in his assessments of his son.The older turian had always thought Garrus shirked the rules and regulations as a form of rebellion, since Castis stepped in and forced him to quit training for the spectres--as if to prove he didn’t care about what his father cared about. Now, Castis realized the reason Garrus pushed them aside so easily was because he did care, maybe too much.

(Honestly, the whole argument between Castis and Garrus in this part of the fic is something I’m proud of)