#or possibly: go to the institute because i want to do something horrible to the world and i need you to kick it off

[cirrus-grey]

For the record, I no longer think Chester (FR3-D1) is telling Sam to stay away from the Magnus Institute. I think the message is more like: go to the Magnus Institute, because something horrible is happening there and the world needs to be warned.

[mirtifero]

“What the hell is going on in Brazil?” Hell.

[transmutationisms]

serious question but do you personally believe there is a way to approach psychiatry in a way that uplifts and upholds patient autonomy and wellness or is the entire trade essentially fucked haha. Btw this is an ask coming from a 3rd year med student—with a background of severe mental illness—who is considering a residency in psychiatry after receiving life-saving care in high school pertaining to said conditions. (I have peers who have been involuntarily hospitalized and treated horribly in psych wards, with approaches i patently disagree with, but was lucky not to experience. I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework. I also def agree with you that so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized—a great example being the whole “chemical imbalances in the brain is the ONLY reason why im like this” argument that ive unfortunately fallen hard for when i was younger and am still currently dismantling within myself…and like dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc). Like i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people—a lot of whom are just like me—but im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system, in ur opinion… ngghhhhhh i just want to be a good doctor to my patients…

(ps i love all ur writing and analysis on succession!! big fan mwah <333)

i don't mean to sound unduly pissy at you, specifically, but i do have to say: every single time i've talked about antipsych or broader criticism of medicine on this website, i immediately get a wave of responses like this, from doctors/nurses/psychs/students of the above, asking me to, like, reassure them that they're not doing something immoral or un-communist or whatever by having or pursuing these jobs. and it's honestly frustrating. why is it that these conversations get re-framed around this particular line of inquiry and medical ego-soothing? why is it that when i say "the medical encounter is not structured to protect patient autonomy or well-being," so many people hear something more along the lines of "doctors are mean and i wish they were nicer"? why is it that it's impossible to discuss the philosophical and structural violence of academic and clinical medicine without it becoming a referendum on the individual morality of doctors?

i'm choosing to read you in good faith because i think it's possible to re-re-frame this line of questioning to demonstrate to you the sorts of critiques and inquiries i find more interesting and more conducive to patient autonomy and liberation. so, let me pick apart a few lines of this ask.

"is the entire trade essentially fucked?"

if you're thinking of trying to 'reform' the project of medical psychology within existing infrastructures and institutions, then yeah, it's fucked. if you're still assuming that affective distress can only be 'treated' within this medical apparatus (despite, again, no psychiatric dx satisfying any pathologist's understanding of a 'disease' ie an aberration from 'normal' physiological functioning) then you're not challenging the things that actually make psychiatry violent. you're simply fantasising about making the violence nicer.

"I don’t like modern american medicine’s approach to mental illness; “throw pills” at it to “make it go away” ie. a problem of overprescribing, inadequate and non-holistic approach to mental health, and i feel a lot of that can be attributed to the capitalistic framework."

i hate when i talk about psychotropic drugs being marketed to patients using lies like the chemical imbalance myth, and then pushed on patients—including through outright force—by psychiatrists, and the discussion gets re-framed as one about 'overprescribing'. my problem is not with people taking drugs. i am, in fact, so pro-drugs that i think even the ones administered in a clinical setting sometimes have value. my issue is with, again, the provision of misleading or outright false information, the use of force and coercion to put patients on such drugs in order to force social conformity and employability, and the general model of medicine and medical psychology that assumes patients ought to be passive recipients of medical enlightenment rather than active participants in their own treatment who are given the agency to decide when and how to engage with any form of curative or meliorative intervention.

'holistic' medicine and psychiatry do not solve this problem! they are not a paradigm shift because they continue to locate expertise and epistemological authority with the credentialed physician, and to position patients as too sick, stupid, or helpless to do anything but receive and comply with the medical interventions. there are certainly psychotropic drugs that are demonstrably more harmful than others (antipsychotics, for example), and some that are demonstrably prescribed to patients who do not benefit from them and are even harmed by them. conversely, there are certainly forms of intervention besides pharmaceuticals that people may find helpful. but my general critique here is aimed less at haggling over specific methods of intervention, and more at the ideological and philosophical tenets of medicine that cause any interventions to be imposed by force or coercion on patients, then framed as being 'for their own good'. were suffering people given the information and autonomy to actually choose whether and how to engage in any kind of intervention, some might still choose drugs! my position here is not one of moralising drugs, but making the act of taking them one that is freely chosen and available as an option without relying on physician determination of a patient's interests over their own assessment of their needs and wants.

"so much of what can be considered normal human responses to traumatic events/normal human suffering can be unnecessarily pathologized"

true, but don't misunderstand me as saying that drugs or any other form of intervention should be forcibly withheld from those who do want them and are made fully aware of what risks and harms seeking them could entail. again, this would still be an authoritarian model; my critique is aimed at increasing patient autonomy, not at creating equally authoritarian and empowered doctors who just have slightly different treatment philosophies.

"dont even get me started on this field’s history of demonizing POC, women, LGBT, etc"

ok, framing this as "demonisation" tells me that you're not understanding that, again, this is a systemic and structural critique. it is certainly true that a great many doctors currently are, and have historically have been, outright racist, trans/misogynist, ableist, and so on. framing this as a problem of a well-intentioned discipline being corrupted by some assholes is getting it backwards. medicine attracts prejudiced people, not to mention strengthens and promotes these prejudices in its entire training and practice infrastructures, because of its underlying philosophical orientation toward enforcing 'normality' as defined by 18th-century statistics and 19th-century human sciences that explicitly place white, cis, able-bodied european men as the normal ideal that everyone else is inferior to or failing to live up to. doctors who really nicely tell you that you're too fat are still using bmi charts that come from the statistical anthropometry of adolphe quételet and the flawed actuarial calculations of metlife insurance. doctors who really nicely deny you access to transition surgery are still operating under a paradigm that gives the practitioner authority over expressions and embodiments of gender. the issue isn't 'demonisation', it's that medicine and psychiatry explicitly attempt to render judgments about who and what is 'normal' and therefore socially 'healthy', and enforce those standards on patients. this is not a promotion of patient well-being, but of social conformity.

"i deeply love my psych rotations so far, and i utterly feel in my gut that this is the manner in which i would like to help people"

let me ask you a few questions. you say that you like your psych rotations... but how do your patients feel about them? is their autonomy protected? are they in treatment by free choice, and free to leave any time they wish? are they treated as human beings with full self-determination? if you witnessed a situation in which a patient was coerced or forced into a certain treatment, or in which you were not sure whether they were consenting with full knowledge or freedom, would you feel empowered to intervene? or would doing so threaten your career by exposing you to anger and retaliation from your higher-ups? what higher-ups will you be exposed to as a resident, and then as a practicing physician? could you practice in a way that committed fully, 100%, to patient autonomy if you were working at someone else's practice, or in a hospital or clinic? could you, according to current medical guidelines, even if you had your own practice?

when you say "this is the manner in which i would like to help people", what do you mean by "this"? can you define your philosophy of treatment, and the relationship and power dynamic you want to have with any future patients? is it one in which you hold authority over them and see yourself as determining what's in their 'best interests', even over their own expressed wishes? have you connected with patient advocates, psych survivors (other than your friends), and radical psychiatrists and anti-psychiatrists who may espouse heterodox treatment philosophies that you could consider? do you think such philosophies are sufficient for protecting patient autonomy and well-being, or are they still models that position the physician's judgment and authority over that of the patient?

"im wondering if there is a way to reconcile these aspects in a way that one can feel morally okay participating within such an imperfect system"

and here is the crux of the problem with this entire ask. you are wondering how to sleep at night, if you are participating in a career you find morally distasteful. where, though, do your patients enter into that equation? do you worry about how they sleep at night, after having interacted with a system of social violence that may very well have traumatised them under the guise of providing help? why does your own guilty conscience worry you more than violations of your patients' bodies, minds, and basic self-determination?

i can't tell you whether your career path is morally acceptable to you. i don't think this type of guilt or self-flagellation is fruitful and i don't think it helps protect patients. i don't, frankly, have a handy roadmap sitting around for creating a new system of medicine and health care that rests on patient autonomy. affective distress is real, and is not something we should have to bear alone or with the risk of having violence inflicted upon us. what you need to ask yourself is: how does the medical model and establishment serve people experiencing such distress? how does it perpetuate violence against them? and how do you see yourself countering, or perpetuating, such violence as someone operating within this discipline? what would it mean to be a 'good' actor within a violent system, if you do indeed believe that such a thing is ontologically possible?

[brettanomycroft]

Signals from Somewhere Else

After episode 22 of Protocol, there’s one thing (okay, maybe two things) that everyone is going to be talking about. But I don’t want to talk about that thing (yet. Okay, I lied, it might come up). Instead, I want to dive into some of the implications of this week’s case and how they might relate FR3-D1 [Error], and even Isaac Newton.

Spoilers for TMAGP episodes 21 and 22 below the cut. CW: we’re gonna talk about the brain stuff; probably overuse of the words “fleshy” and “wet” by I blame AJN for that.

Our case in this episode, graciously recounted by Peepaw Augustus, focuses on real-life German psychiatrist and neurologist Hans Berger, whose work led to the invention of the EEG and furthered our understanding of how brainwaves work. The experiment described in the case mirrors actual experiments that Berger completed while working at the University of Jena, including experimentation on a subject with a deformity that allowed easy access to the brain and the placement of silver wires under the scalp to measure electrical activity. Even Berger’s disappointing initial results seem to be in line with history.

Like in real life, the cosmic horrors of this case begin when Berger takes a little depression nap.

The description of “an ocean, deep and unforgiving… full of dark secrets” creates a striking image to be sure, but what’s more interesting to me here is what he recalls next: the “radio signals, invisible and unknowable.” Berger laments that it’s a “shame these two things would never meet,” and then proceeds to enable such a thing to happen, whether he realizes it or not.

He wakes up and is immediately “inspired” to alter the setup he is using to record Herr Schmidt’s brain activity. While Berger is unable to explain how he came up with the idea (we could tell him: it was The Horrors, bud), he transforms his recording device (an early version of an EEG) into a two-way wireless telegraph, using poor Herr Schmidt’s brain as the receiver for the very radio waves that, perhaps, were never meant to make contact with the world below. Berger sent a politely phrased request into the void, and the void screamed back.

Who or what was on the other side can only be guessed at. Was it John/Martin/Jonah, individually or Frankensteined into some horrid chimerical conscience (please read this great post and have your heart broken like me)? Was it The Fears of the Archives-verse, recombined and tossed about like naughty pears in a pear wiggler? Or was it something or someone else entirely? I’m leaning towards JMJ, in parts or as a whole, specifically because I suspect that Hans Berger’s strange (and wetly explosive, thanks Alexander J. Newell) discovery provides a clue to how [Error] and possibly FR3-D1 operate.

Let’s start with [Error]. Here’s what we know about them so far:

They were locked up in tunnels or a basement space under the Archivist’s office at the Manchester Magnus Institute

Something about them causes people, dead and alive, to recount their fears or horrible things that have happened to them (I am not using the word compel here, even though it is used in the transcript for episode 21, and that is on purpose)

They seem very invested in getting the entire story out (this is, admittedly, speculation, as it’s unclear as to whether “THERE IS MORE” is in reference to more victims or more of Gwen’s story)

They have some really weird dogs

I’ve seen a lot of folks speculate that [Error] is or was the Head Archivist in the Protocol universe, and I’ve also seen a lot of folks speculate that [Error] is or was John (and therefore also The Archivist). I think either of these could be true, but more than anything, I think [Error] is a high-powered antenna with the ability to turn the people around them into speakers. Or maybe Speakers? I do love a good capitalization.

What if the “esteemed brethren” of The Magnus Institute were all too aware of the unusual results of Berger’s experimentation, and hoped to tap into the unusual consciousness(es) floating around in the radio waves and ether of the universe by creating their own version? Perhaps they thought they could create a direct conduit (think almost like a psychic medium) through a person, someone who might be able to communicate with whatever is out there and be able to relay its/their esoteric knowledge to help further the Institute’s goals of “Universal Transmutation.” We know already that the Institute was interested in doppelgangers and perhaps alternate universes and that they had a lot of irons in the fire (the Millenium Dome, the gifted child programme, Welling’s Mutare Materia research program, the various outreach centres), so it would hardly be surprising if they were also experimenting in communicating with “the beyond” to try and gain more knowledge.

And maybe it worked. Maybe they were able to create or transmute someone into an antenna, capable of receiving these strange signals, except these mixed signals were too powerful and ultimately took over. Perhaps [Error] is the natural consequence of who or whatever was speaking to Berger finally getting “OUT.” And if who or whatever was speaking to Berger happened to include the fractured consciousness of a hungry Archivist, well then, we have an interesting case for [Error]. [Error], whether or not they were an/The Archivist in this universe, could now be directed by the desires of The Archivist, channeling The Archivist’s thoughts and abilities but with a power greater than that we ever saw in John (or, perhaps, the same power but completely unrestrained by his remaining humanity). Or [Error] could be channeling The Fears themselves, bringing parts of them through not unlike they were brought through in The Magnus Archives.

Either way, I doubt that creating a connection between whatever was out there and the physical world led to the results the Institute was hoping for.

[Error] is receiving the signal to feed, but the signal coming through is so loud and so powerful that instead of politely asking to snack on some horror stories, coming into contact with them instead allows them to pick up on a person’s horrible experience and forces them to broadcast it to the world. It’s possible that, upon creating [Error] or losing control of [Error], those at The Magnus Institute locked them up and cut them off from the dangerous signal they were receiving… Sam accidentally poking a big hole in the floor (and the alchemical signals inscribed in it) could have reestablished the connection between [Error] and the force guiding them.

Now let’s talk about FR3-D1. We know that FR3-D1so far is that it

Is a “bespoke” internet software developed sometime in the mid-90s, apparently designed to search the internet for spooky stuff

Has German source code

Crashes, constantly, much to Colin’s dismay (? Or maybe he’s helping those crashes along to stop it from listening in… but that’s a theory for another time)

Has, within the last year or so of Sam joining the O.I.A.R., started running a text-to-speech program that reads certain cases out in one of three voices, two of which are familiar to anyone who has listened to The Magnus Archives

Occasionally has some unusual .JMJ errors

Seems to be “targeting” Sam with specific cases related to The Magnus Institute

Is believed to be “listening in” by Colin, Alice, and Sam (which is supported by what we know as the audience)

Has been working “better” since Colin has been on mandatory mental health leave

May have some connection to the Stasi, the secret police force of Communist East Germany before the fall of the USSR

Is assumed (by us as the audience) to have some kind of sentience

There are some other items (notably the spreadsheets found in the ARG that appear to be from or connected to FR3-D1and the emails Sam and Gwen have received) that could be connected to FR3-D1 but have not yet been confirmed. Yet aspects of FR3-D1 do seem to share some commonality with [Error], namely a level of sentience and the ability to locate the stories of people who have had horrifying supernatural encounters.

My speculation here is that FR3-D1 and [Error] were both constructed using the same premise or with the same goal in mind: to receive and channel the signals of entities or consciousnesses existing in or coming from “Somewhere Else”: FR3-D1 through a supernaturally or alchemically conceived software program, and [Error] through a supernaturally or alchemically conceived transmutation on a living human.

If this proves to be the case, then the results seem… distinct, albeit with the potential to be equally dangerous. FR3-D1 is more “controllable” and could potentially be better able to separate out the signals being received, manifesting as “Augustus,” “Chester,” and “Norris.” Now these “three” could still be part of homunculus-esque JohnMartinJonah consciousness, but perhaps the computer program is a little more stable and delineated than the fleshy wet mess of the human brain, and therefore what remains of each individual consciousness is able to act more distinctly and independently. In contrast, [Error] (and their fleshy wet mess of human brain) is receiving the signals all mixed and jumbled together, with no failsafes to keep them from “overloading” or being entirely taken over by The Horrors or JMJ or The JMJ Horrors. Given their spectral descriptions, it’s possible that fleshy human brain and body couldn’t take it anymore and, pun intended, gave up the ghost.  

[Error] could be, in some ways, a bodiless, mindless soul acting on a confused mess of instinct and hunger; FR3-D1 is then, perhaps, the elevated mind, in (more) control but disconnected from a body and perhaps from a soul. Given the heavy influence of alchemy in The Magnus Protocol and the importance in alchemy of the number three, the Tria Prima, and the balance of mind, body, and soul, there may be a third entity we have yet to meet who, like FR3-D1 and [Error], are tuned into these signals from beyond and is eager to reunite with the rest… or perhaps FR3-D1 and [Error] are looking for a body of their own to inhabit and find balance (Sam, anyone?).

I feel like I myself am beginning to mix the signals I started with, but before I attempt to wrap this up, I do briefly want to throw one more piece of spaghetti on the wall, because I think it’ll wind up being something: the mention, specifically, of the silver wire the Berger used in his experiment.

It was Dr. Caton who recommended that Berger use the silver wire, as silver is known for being an effective conductor of electricity. Silver also holds importance as one of the seven metals of alchemy and as a possible base metal in the creation of a Philosopher’s Stone. Perhaps equally important here is that the Diana’s Tree, also known as the Arbor Philosophorum, is created using a solution including silver (or more accurately, silver nitrate) and mercury (one of the elements in the Tria Prima)… yep, the (sort of) same spooky tree created by Newton in TMAGP 19, where Newton gave his dog an existential crisis and Robert Hooke was like “burn it all down.” The conclusion we could draw here is that silver is used in both TMAGP 19 and TMAGP 22 to connect organic life to the unseeable Knowledge of some other plane… with potentially disastrous effects.

Whether it ends up being the case that FR3-D1 and [Error] are big antennas wirelessly receiving The Horrors or I’m totally off base, it seems pretty clear that Hans Berger “tuned in” to an unusual—and dangerous—signal, and what’s more, enabled that signal to connect with the Protocol world in a way that likely never should have happened.

[yrrtyrrtwhenihrrthrrt]

Drabble request /nf (also I love your work so much)

Ambrosius is gathering files for something important, when he sees one form and has a full blown panic attack, partially because he’s exhausted, and ballister helps him :) (movie)

Hi hi! Sorry this took a actually forever, but since I have finally finished my long-form Goldenheart fic (!!!!) I can finally start addressing the drabble requests that have been rotting in my drafts!! I'm excited to show the movie boys some attention, I missed them. Please enjoy, hope it was worth the wait!

--

Ambrosius’s breath caught in his throat. He'd been awake for days trying to sort through Institute garbage, and this new document he'd found just dragged him back into all that horror.

It was from the Director's previously classified personal files, and it was old, from back when he and Bal were children. He knew the Director was evil, he could accept that now, however much it hurt, but this was too much.

It was a detailed plan, spanning several years. Cursive notes were scribbled across it. Outlined in the plan were weaknesses and opportunities she'd observed to kill Ballister.

Ambrosius’s throat was dry. Ballister was only thirteen when this was drafted. Notes that read things like “Poor swimming ability– pool accident?” And “Visits Danks on occasion, staged kidnapping possible” as well as other horrific things bored into his soul. It looked like she'd abandoned the plans only because she expected Ballister to fail out before being knighted, and thus didn't want to spare the trouble.

He shoved the paper back into the folder. He couldn't let Bal see it, he'd already been through so fucking much. Ambrosius couldn't breathe. He ran through every time he'd ever spoken to Bal about the Director.

“Teacher's Pet,” to which Ballister had responded with hopeful eyes, “You think I'm her favorite?”

“No one hates a hero of the realm.”

“They're going to love you, like I do.”

“I'm sure she's only giving you a more challenging exam because she knows how much more skilled than the rest of us you are!”

“Nobody besides Todd and those other jerk have any doubt about you deserving to be here.”

“She loves you, you’re her best student, I'm sure you just imagined it.”

All the while, she was planning to kill him, a child. Ambrosius sobbed. This was all his fault. If he hadn't been such a privileged asshole, if he hadn't been so unwilling to acknowledge how the adults he trusted since infancy could be cruel, if he'd just listened to the love of his life, he wouldn't have had to endure such horrific trauma, things may have been solved sooner, he wouldn't have–

His arm would still be attached to his body. Ambrosius dismissed all his problems and fears and then joined up with the people punishing him. He'd cut off his arm! He'd cut off his arm and Ballister almost died!

Ambrosius felt like he couldn't breathe. Everything inside him hurt, and his breath quickened. Keep it together, don't let him find you like this, this isn't his problem, but shockingly that didn't work.

He was a horrible person, a horrible partner, a horrible knight, he deserved to fucking die.

“Rose?” That soft voice came from the doorway. “Rose!” Ballister hurried to his side and cupped his cheek. Ambrosius hid his face into his hand. He couldn't talk, he couldn't breathe, he was terrified and angry and miserable all at once, it was just too much.

Ballister rubbed his back and wrapped his arms around him, resting his head on his shoulder. “I'm here, Rose. I love you.”

Ambrosius sobbed and wiped his face. Despite himself, he wrapped Ballister tightly in his arms and flopped his face against his chest, shaking. “I-I’m so sorry–” he choked. Ballister squeezed him. “Rose, shh, don't you worry about anything right now. Take a deep breath for me. Come on, in.” He stroked his back.

Ambrosius took a shaky breath in, it felt awful.

“Good, out.”

Ambrosius tried to follow his love’s instructions. Why was he being so nice!? Ambrosius thought about little Ballister, thrashing for help, drowning in a pool after the Director closed the cover on him, and it felt like he was the one drowning. He imagined little Ballister getting thrown into a bag somewhere in the Danks and being done away with, or pushed off the wall during a training inspection, or any of the other horrible things he'd read. He'd trusted the Director. How could he ever trust anyone again?

“Ambrosius, look at me.” Ballister's voice was gentle but stern. He held Ambrosius's face to make eye contact. “I know it's hard to breathe, I know you're scared and you feel bad, but you've been overworking yourself going through these old records. This isn't your job! You need to sleep.”

Ambrosius shook his head. “No– No you can't– you can't look at these–”

“We'll find someone else to do it, then. This burden shouldn't have fallen to you.” Ballister helped him up and hugged him, and Ambrosius hugged back, still shaking with panic and grief. Having Ballister in his arms, though, it made him feel a bit better. His body was thick, muscular, warm and alive. As long as Ballister was okay, things would be okay.

“I'm going to bring you some water, and then I'll lie with you. Okay?”

Ambrosius swallowed. “Okay.”

Everything still sucked, he was still an awful person, but if Ballister loved him and wanted to cuddle, Ambrosius could never turn away his strong arms.

[saintmeghanmarkle]

Harry is a dangerous sociopath and it is terrifying.

Posted 11 hours ago by u/owlskye

Opinion

[This is long, sorry]

I think it’s time we start seriously considering the fact that Harry is a sociopath, and a dangerous one at that. To be honest, he disturbs me quite a lot, more so than his wife. The aura both of them have are drastically different. When I look at Meghan, I feel that she’s a mean girl. When I look at Harry, there’s something darker and more sinister.

I’m going to go over some symptoms of ASPD (aka, sociopathy) and we can discuss it.

1) A Hunger for Power & Dominance

I don’t know if any of you have got this vibe from Harry, but to me, he seems extremely upset he was not born first. Every time he speaks about how the Royal institution should go away or how bad it is, I get a sense he’s not telling the full truth. It’s missing a “because.” That being: “because I can’t be King.” If this were medieval times, he would’ve murdered his brother for the throne. He is also easily threatened, especially when he see’s himself in competition with children. The way he looks at the Wales kids… terrifying.

2) Devious or Deceptive Tendencies

It is my belief that Harry either played an equal role to Meghan in their “spectacle,” or possibly even bigger than we think. I think he is a highly manipulative individual and will do whatever it takes to get what he wants. I also have an odd suspicion that his complete neglect of preparing Meghan for royal life is due to something devious, but I’m not certain. I find it interesting how he frames William and Catherine to be bad people based on uncomfortable situations he had complete control over. It just seems weird, right? He had an opportunity to let Meghan know what that first meeting would be like, and instead he sabotaged it (she ruined it, too, but he’s a senior royal who could’ve said something.) Also – we know Harry lies. A lot. About everything.

3) Ruthlessness in the Pursuit of Their Goals

Harry has proven this time and time again. He attempted to blackmail his family, so they’d pay for his security. That’s absolutely ruthless, right? It seems like his goal has been to take down William, to prove that Harry is the “better son.” He has been aiming at his brother for quite some time and has said some outlandish things to try and get people to hate William.

4) Hostile or Aggressive Towards Others

As we can see, he’s pretty hostile towards his family. Perhaps if he actually had a horrible life, this wouldn’t matter. It’s the fact that he was content on being a parasite for years, and yet the entire time was seething with hatred and anger for those who gave him a free life. Also, he was an infamous bully in school, and there is footage of him becoming violent with paparazzi. He is not a nice person.

5) Easily Angered or Irritated

I used to think Harry was some type of sloth or something. He just seemed to float around, never wanting to be there. I had no idea how sensitive he actually was since he plays the big, strong military man character. This all changed when Spare came out. This “man” becomes furious at even the slightest little thing. He starts freaking out if paparazzi spot him coming out of a club, even though he’s there with multiple other famous people. He still holds a furious grudge over breakfast sausage. I have no idea how it’s possible to be married to this guy. Imagine an argument with him. Sends shivers down my spine.

6) Irresponsible Decision Making

Hey, let’s speed through the same tunnel my mother fatally crashed in. Let’s leave the Royal Family without a plan. Let’s release a book that will absolutely ruin any chance I had at redemption. Let’s marry this overly excitable egotistical low-level actress. Let’s name our daughter Lilibet, people will love that! I’m going to destroy my relationships with my family! Wait, they don’t want to give me money?! They don’t want to talk to me?! Harry smash! (hulk noises)

7) Superficial Charm & Powers of Persuasion

I hate to admit but Harry does have charisma. It’s natural to develop it from his upbringing. The reason we all used to think Harry was the lovable, mischievous Prince was not because we were told to think that – but because he was. He was very charming and funny. Harry has this certain way of speaking that makes you attentive, which is a bad thing for him because now we’re all paying attention to the spoiled and selfish bs that he’s saying. I’m not sure on his powers of persuasion as my mind is drawing a blank, but I know there’s an example of it.

8) Broken Moral Compass or Limited Conscious

Obviously, he does not care who he hurts as displayed by his smear campaign against his family. His moral compass is obviously corrupted as he thinks a foreign country should be responsible to pay millions for his security. Anyone with a shred of morality would think, “I moved here out of my own free will, therefore I am responsible for all that it entails.” He bragged about the people he killed in Afghanistan because he thought it would make him look like a badass. That’s sick.

9) Few Close Bonds or Relationships

This one applies to Harry now. Seems he has nobody left. A lot of you may think, “he had a lot of friends before he met Meghan, though.” That is true; but what is also true is that he had unstable friendships his entire life, and most long-term ones were falling out before he met her. Another thing to understand is it’s easy to have a lot of “friends” when you’re young, immature, and in the party scene. These people aren’t your “real” friends. If they are, then you must grow with them. A lot of his friends had grown older and matured, looking to settle down. Meanwhile, Harry is stuck in a perpetual teenager mindset. You won’t keep many friends being this way.

10) Manipulative Tendencies

I’ve given several examples of this, but he has some manipulative tendencies that I can see straight through. Harry has learned that all he has to do to garner sympathy and forgiveness is say, “Mum died.” It has worked for a long time. He’s not doing this because he actually cares, it’s to evoke a certain reaction – aka, manipulation. He always has to remind you that his mother, Princess Diana, was a saint sent from Heaven who tragically died when he was young. Not only that, but he also uses her name as an excuse for his actions. “My Mum would be proud of us. She’d love Meghan.” This manipulation tactic works sometimes because she cannot speak for herself, and Diana has a reputation for being “against the RF” even though she seemed to be very good at what she did. He’s putting words in a dead woman’s mouth to justify his actions.

11) Entitlement and Impunity

We all know this one is obvious. The guy thinks he deserves everything in the world for winning the “genetic” lottery (or should I say “family” lottery?). He feels entitled to be King because he seriously thinks he’d do a better job at it. He feels entitled to privileges even William and Catherine didn’t have. He literally wanted the RF to wage a war against the press, and then freaked out when “someone” (cough, William) said something super reasonable: “My girlfriend was treated badly, too. Why should you get special treatment?” According to Harry, the answer was simply: “because I am special.” His impunity reeks when he constantly complains about the duties of his job, because why should he have to do it? He's special. If he treated the military anything like he treated being a Royal, then no wonder it didn’t work out.

12) Social Deviance

He cheats on every girlfriend he has and dressed up as Hitler surrounded by Klansmen for Halloween. He hires prostitutes. I don’t know what more to say.

13) Feeling No Guilt

Harry takes zero accountability for anything he’s ever done. He manipulates, and guilt trips if he’s done something wrong. Or he turns it around on the other person. For instance, the Nazi costume. He has absolutely zero remorse for it and literally, somehow, blamed William and Catherine for it because they “laughed.” To me, it seems like they thought he was telling a dark joke and laughed at the ridiculousness of wearing a costume like that. He turns this around as if it’s THEIR fault for giving him permission of some sorts?! He does not care who he hurts and doubles down on it as well. He’s had numerous opportunities to take accountability and apologize, but instead he further escalated.

14) Failure to Fulfill Responsibilities

I personally think Harry is capable of a lot more than he’s done. I don’t think he failed his military tests because he’s stupid – I think he failed them because he’s lazy, didn’t study, and thought being a Prince would entitle him to be able to bend the rules. He complained about having to “endure” Royal Duties even though it provided him a life of luxury that most people cannot even imagine. He’s an absent parent and lives life solely for himself, and him only.

15) Aggression Towards People/Animals

I’ve heard rumors that Harry has beaten prostitutes up in Vegas. I’m not sure if that’s true but given he meets 100% of the criteria needed to be diagnosed as a sociopath – it would make logical sense for him to follow that pattern. I also do not believe his recollection surrounding his and William’s fight. He acts as if he was begging for mercy and William hit him like a maniac. From what I know about Prince William – yeah, right. (eyeroll) From what I know about Harry – he swung first, and William defended himself. Harry is obviously threatened by his older brother and thought he could fight him to prove something. When he lost, he turns into the victim, acting like big bad William is psychotic. We also have seen Meghan’s dog with two broken front legs. This cannot be officially confirmed that Harry did something, but we do have confirmation that Harry abuses horses. He kicks them so hard with the spurs that he essentially stabs them. I have never seen anything like that before. There is something deeply and psychologically wrong with him.

16) Enjoys Hurting People & Causing Discomfort

I talked about this slightly in #2. While we seemingly won’t ever have official confirmation that Harry enjoys negativity (especially if he caused it – gives him a false sense of power), you can see it by reading his body language and analyzing his words. When Harry is recollecting on stories where his family was supposedly being “mean for no reason” towards them, he has a smirk on his face and a glint in his eye. Go back and watch him telling the story of Meghan’s first meeting of William and Catherine. He’s smirking. This smirk is also known as duper’s delight because he feels this negative picture he’s painting of his family is working. You absolutely cannot convince me he didn’t know this was an inappropriate way to introduce your girlfriend to the future King and Queen. He’s smirking as he describes William and Catherine’s discomfort towards Meghan’s behavior – because he absolutely loved it. He had every opportunity in the world to say something and he didn’t. He let her act like a fool and relished in it.

Watching him at the coronation was actually super triggering for me as I have been abused by a sociopath. The way he stared at William… I’ve seen that before. His eyes were black, and you could feel the hatred emanating off of him. His eyes were wide open as well, as if he was trying to use Superman’s laser against William. This stare cannot be accurately classified as a simple aggressive glare. I know this stare. It says, “If we were alone, I would kill you.” He was hoping William would catch a glance and see this. This stare is purposefully done to make the recipient very uncomfortable or even afraid.

---

I know this man is dangerous. I can feel it. He had to beg to be deployed because he so badly wanted to fight in a war. That is not normal; and then his bragging about the people he killed is even more twisted. He is a highly abusive and predatory individual. He has no shame or guilt for what he’s done. He will never stop trying to destroy his target.

He will not stop bringing up Chelsy Davy in court. The subliminal message that he is sending to her is obvious to people who have experience with this abuse. He states she left him because she couldn’t handle the press. She was with him for 7 years, right? So, obviously she handled the press quite well throughout those 7 years. The truth is: Harry doesn’t love Chelsy Davy. He most likely never did. He is still angry and bitter that she left him. How dare she?! It doesn’t matter that he cheated and deserved it – she left him.

This is a huge blow to the ego for him. He has to be the one to want to break up, he cannot be broken up with because that implies he’s not perfect. This is why Cressida isn’t treated the same; it was mutual. It wouldn’t surprise me one bit if he harassed Chelsy for a long time after she left because he’s still doing it to this day. The subliminal message is: “you will never escape me. You will forever be associated with me. I will tell them that you didn’t love me enough – you were too weak – to deal with this life. It will always be your fault, not mine.”

I don’t like Meghan Markle at all, but I am not soulless. I am very worried for her if she is the one who decides to leave. I feel he has a power over her that we cannot understand and he’s the one calling the shots. People blame Meghan for “Spare,” which I think she definitely had a part in it, but his ghost writer has straight up basically admitted that Harry verbally/emotionally abused him during the process.

When people have nothing left to lose, that is when it becomes most dangerous. This is a special situation for him as it’s his first marriage, they have children together, and he destroyed his ties to the royal family for her. If she leaves and takes the kids, what does he have? Nothing. He has no family to run back to, no friends, no allies, no job. Remember that coronation stare.

A lot of you may hate me for claiming to be worried about Meghan, but I don’t care. Like I said, I cannot stand her, and she’s definitely played her part. I’m not entirely sure what Harry is capable of, but she doesn’t deserve violence or endless stalking/harassment. I seriously am sick to my stomach thinking about how much danger she is in, and I wonder if she even knows it. I hope that if she leaves, she plays it intelligently.

[sapphire-weapon]

Not that anon but I want ur metaltango explanation 👀

ok well

I'm pretty high, so gomen if this is incoherent.

basically, we know exactly three things about Krauser's past:

he trained Leon

he loved his men but couldn't protect them, and then couldn't even die alongside them, and he feels incredible guilt over that

Leon says that he had a code of honor that he kept to, and the game outright says that he used to be a good guy

none of that

literally NONE OF IT

even hints that Krauser was an abuser. in fact, it paints a total opposite picture.

Krauser is a dark omen of what Leon could become under the right conditions, because he was also someone who believed wholeheartedly in the institutions that were supposed to support him, in the rule of authority and law, and in the chain of command -- all things that Leon believed in in RE2.

and just like Leon in RE2, he had all of that ripped out from under him in the harshest way possible.

but unlike Leon, Krauser didn't have a Sherry Birkin to protect. he was left completely and utterly alone. abandoned. and born from that trauma was a desperation to never have that happen to him again, which is why he goes out seeking power to protect himself with.

if Leon had had everything stripped away from him the way that Krauser had, who's to say that he wouldn't have become a villain himself? he certainly had justification for it, after all that'd happened to him.

and the game harps on this a few different times. Krauser says to Leon that they're two sides of the same coin. he also has a line: "I know your every move. you learned them from me." the implication here is that Leon is still walking down that path. he's not out of those woods yet. if he doesn't save Ashley... then what?

so go back and rewind now.

rewind to Leon being fresh out of RE2 and all of the horrible shit that happened to him and being placed under command of this man who's at least ten years his senior but still believes in all of the things that betrayed Leon in Raccoon City. that was probably a pretty powerful revelation for him, and -- knowing what we know about Leon -- it was something that he would've wanted to emulate. Krauser was a strong man who took no bullshit from anyone, but he still had things that he believed in. that's exactly the kind of person that Leon would want to be.

and like. Krauser couldn't have trained Leon with the efficacy that he did if Leon didn't trust him completely. like yeah, Leon ran missions with his unit, but their trainings were one-on-one affairs. if Leon didn't trust him, he wouldn't have been able to learn shit from him. and since Leon went into this relationship not being able to trust himself, even, after RE2, to be able to trust someone else to that extent is a Big Fucking Deal, actually.

like.

Leon doesn't want to fight Krauser in RE4make. and he certainly doesn't want to kill him. even after Krauser kills Luis, Leon's still trying to talk it out with him. because he loves this man. Krauser believed in him when he didn't even believe in himself, and Krauser's teachings are what kept him going this long.

and on the flipside of things, Krauser looked at Leon and saw nigh-limitless potential stuck inside of a man who was too broken to see it. the one thing that held Leon back was his own distrust of himself, and so it became Krauser's goal to build that confidence in him back up in order to unlock that potential. and to be a part of something like that -- to have that kind of effect on another human being's life -- that's some really powerful shit, too.

but then Operation Javier happens. and Leon lives, when all of Krauser's other men die. how do you cope with something like that? unfortunately, Krauser didn't.

so metaltango is like... at least for me...

it's a mentor/student relationship that's far more personal than that. Leon looks up to Krauser, sure, and Krauser has a vested interest in helping Leon become the best version of himself that he can, but... it's more than that. both of them saw pieces of themselves in each other. both of them drew hope from one another. but then that hope in both of them died, leaving them with nowhere else to go but spiraling towards certain destruction. the story between Leon and Krauser is a tragedy, but that tragedy wasn't born from abuse. it was born from the trust and hope and love that was lost between them.

my brain is melting

i hope any of this is making sense

[requiemforthestars]

I have so little faith in Bioware that in that paragraph when Epler was talking about the treatment of mages in southern Thedas, my first happy takeaway was being like "oh wow he acknowledged that mages are oppressed!?" That is how dire the situation is.

Anyway, I'm not surprised that Bioware considers that the Circles still exist because I'm 100% sure that Cassandra is the Divine for their canon worldstate, so that tracks (they made it their canon that Alistair was king and then made a whole comic with him in it, not surprising). What I want to know is if there'll be at least mention of her making any of the reforms she talked about provided the players chose her.

In choice-based games with sequels the devs always have to play with the illusion of choice, i.e, making it seem like the player has a choice to do something but then going back to a specific status quo to build from for the next game because not doing that would be too complicated to consider all the potential ramifications. Hence why our choices in the previous games most often show up in the form of ambient dialogue and Codex entries instead of real tangible change in the state of the world.

So, for the mage-templar war, based on the DA:I epilogue slides, if you make Cassandra and Vivienne divines there is always a mention of the mages starting a new College of Enchanters (aka the self-ruled organization for free mages that shows up if you choose Leliana as your Divine), so I always thought they did that so that, in future games, both organizations could exist, a traditional Circle an a free mage-run College of Enchanters, how aligned each are aligned with the Chantry depends on who is the Divine.

I am curious about how this would work if Leliana is the Divine because she (girlboss that she is) disbands the Templar Order and gives the mages autonomy, so how would a 'rebel' traditional Circle and Templars spring from that? No idea, maybe they're traditionalists that band together like that and she has to allow it because she's all for freedom of expression.

Of course, there is also the possibility that Epler's comment was based on Bioware's canon world state, and it's not the first time they've used that for reference without taking other worldstates into account. It's bad marketing because it is breaking the illusion of choice they provide their players with, but they've done it in the past.

I don't know, all I know is that I either want them NOT to comment on that situation in DA:V so I can close my eyes and pretend my worldstate is true, or that they go with the other scenario described in a Codex entry (both institutions exists, that way we, the player, are left with the impression that that whole revolution plot did lead to at least some change). I do not want them to show us the situation in game at all, or to act as if none of it mattered and the old Circles still exist because ultimately everything failed. That would be the worst-case scenario for me in terms of investment.

I know that there are very bare mentions to the mage rebellion in non-game media. But I can ignore those and what they mean because that follows Bioware’s canon, I'm interested in what the game with my choices has to say.

I still think letting go of the Keep was a horrible horrible idea, and I can't see a reason why, unless they couldn't figure out a way to make it compatible? But I hope of the limited choices given to us in game, there can at least be one for "who was Divine/who did the Inquisition side with" that, an acting consequential with that, not in any big way but in having some characters and Codex entries comment on it, seems like the bare minimum.

[akalikai]

TMAGP EP 14 REACTION (SPOILERS)

Oh dear GOD we're starting with awkward okay here we go.

ALICE ACTING LIKE SHE DOESNT CARE ABIUT THE DATE. also Celia's hesitation when she said good.

Wait wasn't CELIA the one who brought up work???

PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GIVE ME CELIA AND ALICE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE THE POLYCULE PLEASE

why do I feel like Celia might actually like Alice too help me I'm horrible at reading into these things but the way she says "Alice..." when Alice says "The only drama is the dilemma of how I could possibly get by without you all to myself!" Celia doesn't sound tired or worried. She sounds SURPRISED.

Gwen???? Babygirl are you OKAY????

Chester statement!!

OH GOD PESTS. NO. WE'RE GETTING BUGS AREN'T WE. JANE??? MY LADY PRENTISS IS THAT. IS THAT YOU.

Wait. Not bugs. Reptiles???? MOSQUITOS???? OH MY GOD WAIT. IS IT THE MURDER MOSSIES????

Oh no the case giver is screwed. She got scratched. She's done for.

God I hate this ep I do not like bugs have I ever mentioned I don't like bugs. I really hate bugs.

Holy shit.

Holy shit what the fuck. Snakes???? So we're going down the reptile road????

IS SHE PLAYING FNAF IRL THEY SAID CCTV OFFICE IN THE CLOSET LMFAO

Is the shopkeeper also one of the Things, like Needles and Ink5oul??? It seems like it.

OH GOD YEAH THIS IS SO GROSS BLEHHHH body horror with creatures inside the body is not something I like. At all.

HEY WHAT. THE SHOPKEEPER WAS ALSO REJECTED FROM THE MAGNUS INSTITUTE???? WHAT DOES THIS MEAN???? THIS IS SO WERD SEEING AS GERRY WAS ACTUALLY ACCEPTED. BUT IT SEEMS LIKE SHOPKEEPER WASNT???? AND HE BECAME A WEIRD AVATAR THING???? SAM SWEETIE I HAVE CONCERNS FOR YOU

Oh Sam sweetie :((( I'm sorry no one is listening to you except Celia. I wonder if that's part of it too. He likes her because she listens and doesn't shut down his ideas. I love Alice but it must hurt Sam when he's so invested to keep having his friend shut it down and not even tell him why. And then with Gwen too, their interaction at the end really reminded me of Jon and Tim.

It's also kind of sad to me that Gwen doesn't seem to MEAN for her words to hurt Sam, she was just stating a fact. He wouldn't understand. And she's right, I mean, the only reason SHE understands is because she had to fucking meet Mr. Bonzo herself. When she says "That's not-" it seems like she wanted to explain herself but realized it's not worth it. It wouldn't change what he though of her. Gwen my autistic babygirl. You gotta communicate.

Anyways yeah I'll post more if I come up with anything but for now, nothing new.

[two-bit-socrates]

The Magnus Protocal

Spoilers of episode 10 but mainly it's just me spitting out theory gibberish but also spoilers for The Magnus Archive

I think the trap door is linked to the The Buried's Domain like how The Coffin leads to The Pit and that the key Sam found is an anchor for whatever was in The Trap Door (Trapped Door maybe?) and Sam being connected to the Institute and managing to find the key and getting into the archivist room and seeing the worm grooves in the floor that kinda seem like a pattern (Like the swirls on that jar that Salesea sold or the swirls on the table that entrance you) leads him to the spot where the wood breaks and he falls in to lose the key. I first thought it was The Coffin because John gave explict instructions on how to keep the coffin locked up but doesn't have it destroyed since destroying the swirly table UnAnchored Not!Sasha. But now I think The Coffin served as a cosmic escape hatch in World 1 and something/someone/??? went into The Coffin at the end of the MAG series and was able to get out into World 2. Also this series is called The Magnus Protocol - I didn't participate in the ARG or anything so I don't know what everyone else knows BUT I believe the Protocol reference means 'This is what you're suppose to do in case Star Crossed Lovers fuck things up some how' or something. Also my over all theory is that The Web and the other fears are trying to make itself into a sentient whole creature because the statements so far seem like the fears are working together in a more cohesive manner compared to World 1 where they just kinda overlaped. I think it's possible they're trying to bring itself together into a coherent deity to have its own world to feed off of in a more balanced way rather than what happened at the end of MAG. I think in the first Series Smirke may have been meant to try and bring the fears in balance for the purpose of creating the fears into a coherent deity that can more reliably feed itself and control things but doesn't seem to be able to create much. Like I think Smirke may have been the beginning of an avatar proccess for The Web but people are going to people. Idk idk this is all just getting started and im dizzy as fuck for some reason but im word vomitting here to get my thoughts out. Also where's Annabell? My theory is she's the one bringing the key to the Trapped Door but couldn't get the key herself. Also i forgot that Alice said Architect before Archive when Sam said Archipelago. Last theory the fears need an architect to unify them from an archipelago state to a pangaea. I don't trust Alice but only because I want her to be more than just an employee I want her to be a deliberate orchestraitor of horribleness. Maybe shes the architect and all the other kids who disappearred from sam's gifted program those years ago she got hired one by one to fullfill certain protocols but they all failed until now. I need to lie down im too dizzy but yea

[agonycrossbow]

basically, we know exactly three things about Krauser's past:

he trained Leon

he loved his men but couldn't protect them, and then couldn't even die alongside them, and he feels incredible guilt over that

Leon says that he had a code of honor that he kept to, and the game outright says that he used to be a good guy

none of that

literally NONE OF IT

even hints that Krauser was an abuser. in fact, it paints a total opposite picture.

Krauser is a dark omen of what Leon could become under the right conditions, because he was also someone who believed wholeheartedly in the institutions that were supposed to support him, in the rule of authority and law, and in the chain of command -- all things that Leon believed in in RE2.

and just like Leon in RE2, he had all of that ripped out from under him in the harshest way possible.

but unlike Leon, Krauser didn't have a Sherry Birkin to protect. he was left completely and utterly alone. abandoned. and born from that trauma was a desperation to never have that happen to him again, which is why he goes out seeking power to protect himself with.

if Leon had had everything stripped away from him the way that Krauser had, who's to say that he wouldn't have become a villain himself? he certainly had justification for it, after all that'd happened to him.

and the game harps on this a few different times. Krauser says to Leon that they're two sides of the same coin. he also has a line: "I know your every move. you learned them from me." the implication here is that Leon is still walking down that path. he's not out of those woods yet. if he doesn't save Ashley... then what?

so go back and rewind now.

rewind to Leon being fresh out of RE2 and all of the horrible shit that happened to him and being placed under command of this man who's at least ten years his senior but still believes in all of the things that betrayed Leon in Raccoon City. that was probably a pretty powerful revelation for him, and -- knowing what we know about Leon -- it was something that he would've wanted to emulate. Krauser was a strong man who took no bullshit from anyone, but he still had things that he believed in. that's exactly the kind of person that Leon would want to be.

and like. Krauser couldn't have trained Leon with the efficacy that he did if Leon didn't trust him completely. like yeah, Leon ran missions with his unit, but their trainings were one-on-one affairs. if Leon didn't trust him, he wouldn't have been able to learn shit from him. and since Leon went into this relationship not being able to trust himself, even, after RE2, to be able to trust someone else to that extent is a Big Fucking Deal, actually.

like.

Leon doesn't want to fight Krauser in RE4make. and he certainly doesn't want to kill him. even after Krauser kills Luis, Leon's still trying to talk it out with him. because he loves this man. Krauser believed in him when he didn't even believe in himself, and Krauser's teachings are what kept him going this long.

and on the flipside of things, Krauser looked at Leon and saw nigh-limitless potential stuck inside of a man who was too broken to see it. the one thing that held Leon back was his own distrust of himself, and so it became Krauser's goal to build that confidence in him back up in order to unlock that potential. and to be a part of something like that -- to have that kind of effect on another human being's life -- that's some really powerful shit, too.

but then Operation Javier happens. and Leon lives, when all of Krauser's other men die. how do you cope with something like that? unfortunately, Krauser didn't.

so metaltango is like... at least for me...

it's a mentor/student relationship that's far more personal than that. Leon looks up to Krauser, sure, and Krauser has a vested interest in helping Leon become the best version of himself that he can, but... it's more than that. both of them saw pieces of themselves in each other. both of them drew hope from one another. but then that hope in both of them died, leaving them with nowhere else to go but spiraling towards certain destruction. the story between Leon and Krauser is a tragedy, but that tragedy wasn't born from abuse. it was born from the trust and hope and love that was lost between them.

[powerfulblob]

YEAH IT'S THAT POST TIME

let’s go!!!

OK so I’m gonna just talk about Goldenloin for a bit because Sir Fucksalot has given me many thoughts about life and shit

some background: I started out reading the Nimona comic, and was super hyped when the movie got released. I’m Korean, living in North America, and also queer and genderfucked which is probably relevant to this

ANYWAY

A lot of people have talked about the Model Minority Myth so far, but I wanted to talk about something else: Specifically, his complicity in other’s oppression, and how he uses his lack of choice in his privilege to justify his actions.

In that one scene: “A direct descendant of Gloreth? I never asked for that!” He’s actually really accurately portraying a lot of the conflicting feelings about being both privileged and Asian: It’s the recurring thought I’ve had so many times:

“Look: The only reason why I have this privilege in society is because of my parents’ horrible amounts of pressure, and the pressure their parents put on them, in order to not get literally crushed by it: I never asked for that! Why should I care if other POC are suffering?” 

It’s about knowing that your position is horrible, and comes with thousands of sacrifices (especially when you consider the subtext that he’s had to hide his relationship with Boldheart from the media), but not being able to use that for the process of liberation?.

It’s about ignoring all of the ways in which you’re still not allowed to live freely (the poverty rates for queer Asian folx, the rates of suicide, the rates of illness, abuse).

It’s a constant struggle for me to avoid that train of thought: The “I don’t care,” the “it’s not my fault, because I never asked to live here,” the “What could I possibly do?” the “I better stay with this Institution, then, and not try to run away” 

So in a way it was nice to see that, in the end, he (sorta) stood up for other people, himself and his values? Or something? I don’t know?

(Lol I do think that they absolutely fucked up his character growth in the end: They should have had a more coherent theme for his actions near the end of the movie, but I still love this character... If I were in charge of the movie, I’d definitely make sure he gets a better arc to go with that incredibly monologue near the middle that was sadly played off for comedic effect... if I were in charge of his ending, i would have made him resist the institution much more quickly, because he really didn't change much until legit the last minute, and they never quite explained why??? )

Yes, it is a children’s movie, and I’m probably getting a bit too worked up about this. But still... let me cook ig?

idk honestly i'll put together a more coherent essay later i think

[nobrakes]

if you don't mind, would you explain kelly's latest story? As much as i understand, the video suggests he must be a criminal bc he went to an underdeveloped region? like wtf?

So, i had to go look this up because I don't follow her on social media but, from what I saw she posted two things: 1 - shared two posts from a brazilian ex olympic volleyball player turned far-right commentator, and 2 - shared the video you mentioned.

TLDR Kelly is spreading bigoted misinformation.

About the posts she shared: the first mentions a report by a journal called Gazeta do Povo (a Bolsonaro supporting """"news"""" company) where they talk about the history between Lula (the left wing candidate for president of Brasil, who also was the president during 2002-2010) and Daniel Ortega (Nicaragua's president, a described dictator). This is part of a recent strategy by Bolsonaro's campaign as they try to moral panic people into believing that Lula would bring a left wing dictatorship and that Brazil will "become like Venezuela or Nicaragua" which in their minds are poor, violent and ravaged countries where all women are pr*stitutes and gangs rule the nations.

This, obliviously, isn't true. I don't have time to debunk it all.

All of this is basically trying to gaslight people as if Lula is the one who would push for a dictatorship (even if he was in power for 8 years and all he's done was strengthen democratic institutions) while Bolsonaro literally has said that he would strike a coup. Go figure.

The 2nd post she shared was again from this commentator, who I'll say again: is a fascist volleyball player who became a political commentators for Jovem Pan. Jovem Pan is the Fox News of Brazil, they are horrible, all they do is lie and preach right wing, fascist, racist and homophobic content on tv. They are the channel of choice for Bolsonaro because it is, as the girls say, a right wing bubble. The news thing she shared was about Jovem Pan, and it's a report on how the Lula campaign allegedly was going to request maybe possibly for Jovem Pan to be shut down.

To my knowledge, this isn't exactly true. Jovem Pan is claiming "censure" from the Electoral Courts (we have a specific branch of the judiciary that takes care of organizing the elections) all because they keep lying about Lula, and calling him a "thief" and spilling so much fake garbage about him that the courts have repeatedly granted Lula motions to give him the "right of response" on tv against these false claims or demanded that the content be taken down by the publisher. You see, here in Brazil, sharing and spreading fake news about the elections and the electoral system isn't exactly legal. It's a practice that's being fought by the courts and prosecutors.

Just because we're in a democracy, it doesn't mean you can say whatever the fuck you want, especially if that is with the intention of benefiting a certain candidate on tv by lying about the other candidate. Campaign laws are very strict here and misinforming electors ain't allowed.

So essentially, because the courts are saying "nah, mate, you ain't gonna be allowed to just spread misinformation like that", this fascist news organization is saying they are being censored. And Kelly seems to be agree. Yeah. Shocker.

The third post she shared is indeed a video of misinformation connecting Lula with organized crime.

This is something that has been rampant since Lula decided to do a rally at Complexo do Alemão, a favela community complex in Rio de Janeiro. He wore a cap with the letters "CPX" on it, which means "Complexo" or "Complex". The hat was given to him as a gift by a group of supporters who have a small hat selling business at the favela. This is a poor region, predominantly populated by black and marginalized individuals, those who have been ignored by the state.

Bolsonaro, during covid, even went as far as saying that they would be fine, because they were "bathing in the sewer" and didn't die, so the virus wouldn't kill them. I don't even need to mention here that favelas were absolutely ravaged by COVID, do I? Do I also need to mention that favelas have a lot to do with the legacy of slavery in Brazil? Or that Brazil was the last country of the Americas to abolish slavery?

Favelas are notoriously viewed as dangerous places, where organized crime is rampant. I don't have any way of explaining the racist ways in which the drug war, racism and policing has made it so that those people have to live oftentimes in the middle of war zones that are constantly getting invaded by heavy armored police and being hit by "stray bullets", having their homes invaded and being executed without a trial by police officers.

The Bolsonaro administration has seen and supported some of the most horrific mass killings by the state at favelas.

I'll try to leave some links at the end of this post where you can learn more if you want.

Now.

The video she shared basically said that the reason why Lula was able to go up to the favela and have a rally was because he was a criminal and associated with criminals, who wanted him to get elected, and that Bolsonaro isn't liked by criminals because he's """tough on crime""" tc etc.

However, this is LAUGHABLE as, Bolsonaro is literally FACTUALLY involved with the Rio de Janeiro militia. Yes, the militia. Made up of dirty current and ex cops, mostly from dictatorship-time "death squads" that have taken over Rio and are destroying the state.

So, the video not only is racist and absurd as it insinuates that just because a politician ACTUALLY goes to where the vulnerable people live and is welcomed by those people, who have been suffering, particularly hard over the past four years, then he must be criminal, but also, completely dismisses the fact that Bolsonaro legit 1) has a son who employed the wife AND MOTHER of a milita chief on assistant roles on his cabinet (his sons are also elected officials) 2) LIVED on the same condominiums with a militia member who was implicated on the murder of Mariele Franco, a Rio de Janeiro city councilwoman who was a black, bisexual, favela born woman who was brutally murdered back in 2019.

This isn't about crime.

This is about race. This is about class.

This is about working people being seen and heard and given respect.

Lula went there and was received with love and joy, and didn't try to move away from them, he went there with the purpose of showing his support for those vulnerable communities during these absurd and hellish times.

And then Bolsonaro called all favela residents "criminals" on tv during the debate last Sunday.

Anyways, sorry this was so long.

I, obviously, get rilled up over this shit because I'm terrified of what's going to happen on the next few weeks.

I'll add some links you might wanna check out about some of the stuff I mentioned:

Reports about Bolsonaro’s involvement with the militia (a murderous cop mafia in Rio de Janeiro) X X

Report about the police killing people during operations at favelas X  (HEAVY trigger warning here for blood and brutality)

Reports about how much covid ravaged the communities X X

Disclaimer: this post has been midly edited for grammar, clarity and to add some links on the bottom.

[late-to-the-magnus-archives]

Corrupted, Chapter Three: D.B. Copper of the Demon World - a Malevolent x TMA crossover

Tim. Do as I say. And the way John says that confirms everything.

It’s uncompromising. It’s not a suggestion. It’s a command, like commands are really this thing’s nature, and he’s been making an effort to keep that under wraps until he knows how Tim will respond.

Tim thinks, Or maybe none of this is happening, and I’m hallucinating a dom in my head because I stroked out and I’m dying on the bathroom floor.

AO3

———

After all that pushing, all that swagger, John suddenly seems hesitant. The  Magnus Institute?

“Only place I know of, since I don’t think we’re going the psychic chat-box route,” Tim says. 

They have… something of a reputation.

Picky-ass demon. “Sure. For spooky shit,” says Tim. “Not going to read me the results? Fine. Siri, dial the number.”

John seems even more hesitant. I think this could be a mistake.

The lack of physical keyboards is such an accessibility issue, Tim thinks, and resolves to do better being loud about it. “Is my finger over the one?” 

Tim, there has to be someone else.

“I don’t know anybody else. How do you know their reputation, anyway? Look—maybe they can at least direct us to someone who can help.”

John sighs. Very well. I can see you’re determined, and your choice could be worse. Yes—your finger is over the one.

”Dire,” Tim observes, presses the one, waits for the beep, and speaks. “Hi, my name’s Tim Stoker. I, uh. I need to come in and talk to you people about something.” He suddenly realizes he doesn’t know what to say. That he’s hearing voices? Well, they were sure to take that seriously, weren’t they? “So. Um. I guess I’m showing up tomorrow. Bye.” He hangs up. “Fuck,” Tim mutters. “We’re going to have to go in. They won’t listen if I just ramble at them over the phone.”

Well, this should be interesting, says John, sounding resigned.

“What will ?”

The Institute. I know what Power it calls upon.

Tim stiffens. “What? Power? What do you mean?”

There is a moment of hesitation. I think this will be all right, soothes John. Upon consideration, I believe I am safely unidentifiable in your eyes.

“Sure. Okay. That’s not spooky times at all.”

You should take it easy, Tim. You need to be in top form tomorrow.

“Yeah.” He swallows hard. “I don’t know how to do this. I can’t see.”

I will take care of you, Tim,says the voice, fond and warm and now slightly possessive, and Tim is not comforted at all.

He feels like some horrible dragon swooped in, looking for his brother, and claimed the lesser version because the better one wasn’t available.

Maybe “dragon” isn’t far off. “Let’s circle back to something. You are definitely talking like you’re not human.”

I’m not.

“Right. What are you, then?”

A friend.

Tim rolls his eyes. “I’m not six. Come on. What are you? Fuck, what else is there besides humans, anyway?”

Again, that dark, amused eagerness. Quite a lot.

“So here’s where I try very hard not to assume you’re some kind of demon, or evil wizard, or dragon, or something,” says Tim. “Or maybe the Devil himself. ”

The laugh. It really is something. Are those our only options?

“How should I know? You don’t exactly give off fairy vibes.”

The voice gentles. No. I am not any of those things, nor or all of those things real. 

“Oh, so some of them are? Great. So what are you?”

I feel comfortable discussing that at a later time. If we talk about it now, they may see it in your mind tomorrow, and prefer the safety of anonymity.

“They’re going to read my mind?”

It is a possibility, yes.

Right. Right. This continued to be horrible. “Oh, and your identity is the big thing, is it? What, you’re the D.B. Cooper of the demon world?”

That laugh again. Not exactly, no.

Tim sighs. “Well, whatever. They want The Erotic Adventures of Tim Stoker, they’re welcome to them,” he mutters. “So what did the book say about getting my sight back?”

Nothing I will tell you now for the same reason. However, know that it is possible, if challenging. For the moment, our souls are entangled—like necklaces kept carelessly in a drawer.

Souls. There are souls. 

Tim rubs his face. He can’t even process the enormity of this. “Not my favorite answer, if we’re honest?”

Tim, I’m trying to protect you. There are things in this world no human is meant to know—things which, if learned, can cause a psychic break. It’s one of the reasons I had to be sure you’d only opened the book to its beginning.

“And you could tell that, how?”

By which runes were last accessed.

Geez. 

Tim frowns. “Why doesn’t this thing have a fucking warning on it?”

Oh, it does… but unfortunately, time has passed, and languages are lost. The symbol on that cover would have been enough to prevent anyone from opening it, in the past.

Tim only vaguely recalls it—a weird, three-hook shape, made of metal. “What, they can’t rebind it without dying, or something?”

Correct.

“it’s that dangerous? Well, that puts us in a spot, doesn’t it? Because someone is going to have to help me with that book tomorrow. I can’t just hand it over if it's going to break someone or kill them, can I?”

So you’re clever, not just handsome. Good. That will make this easier.

“And that’s a deflection,” says Tim.

You will not hand it over. You will hang onto it. Besides, unless I am completely mistaken about this Power—an impossibility—those at the Magnus Institute will be able to handle this book. To be frank, I have a different concern right now.

“And that is?”

Tim, how secure is this location?

His heart clenches. “It’s a house. Just… just my parents’ house.” It had never truly felt like his. “I’m supposed to finish packing it up. It’s been sold. Right, because you needed to know that,” he muttered.

Your parents no longer live here?

“Dad’s been dead since I was fifteen. Mom went three years ago from a heart attack. And my brother was just murdered, in case you forgot.”

I did not forget, Tim.Soothing. Smooth.

So damn smooth. Suspiciously so, really. “I… it’s fucking late. I don’t…” He lets out one little sob. “I don’t know what to do. I want to call Danny. I can’t.”

He died very recently, then?

“It’s not even been a month.” Tim’s voice breaks.

So you’re in grief, on top of all of this. The voice goes smooth again. You’re going to be all right. You’re not going through this alone. 

Either John was genuinely compassionate, or he had already figured out how Tim responded to his voice and was using it like a tool.

Tim knows which one it is. It’s not a good feeling. “Why were you in a book?”

Does that matter?

“Yes.”

I’ll tell you after we leave.

“Leave?”

I don’t feel safe, Tim. I’d assumed we were in a place with protections, and that assumption is on me. When you opened that book, there was essentially a signal sent out, like a flash of light. We need to leave, Tim.

Tim sighs. “My apartment isn’t far, but I’m blind. I don’t even know who to call for help.”

We’ve wasted too much time. We need to leave now.

Tim stiffens. “The cultists, or… whatever you felt from the Magnus Institute?”

Something. I’ll guide you.

“I don’t know.”

Tim.

“So I’ll go and call a rideshare. Usually takes about fifteen minutes out here.”

I don’t think we have time.

“What? We’re in a rush, now? It’s nearly midnight!”

Tim. Do as I say. And the way John says that confirms everything. 

It’s uncompromising. It’s not a suggestion. It’s a command, like commands are really this thing’s nature, and he’s been making an effort to keep that under wraps until he knows how Tim will respond.

Or maybe none of this is happening, and I’m hallucinating a dom in my head because I stroked out and I’m dying on the bathroom floor, he thinks.

Tim.

“Sorry. Sure. I… fuck. I can’t finish packing this place blind, anyway, right?” he says, standing.

Distinctly less patient now. I’m sure a friend could help you do it. Now, move.

Yeah, Tim’s pretty sure he could get this “John” good and mad quite fast.

He feels for the book. “Where’s my backpack?” 

To your left. There.

Book in, zipper up, house keys in hand.

Tim wonders if whatever this mess is will kill him. He wonders if he should care more about that than he does. He sighs. Rubs his face.

Tim.

“Fine, fine. You better not walk me into a wall, or something.”

The tone changes. We’re not alone.

Tim goes still. “What?” he whispers.

And he hears something.

A scratching. A sniffing. A weird sound just at the front of the house, as if something also blind was trying to find the opening by smell and touch.

Tim freezes. He has never heard anything that alien in real life. He has never known this sour spike of adrenaline, filling his mouth, making his hands tingle.

Is there a back door?

Tim is already moving, and he curses softly as he bangs into another side table he’d pulled out of place earlier while packing.

Quiet. 

“You be quiet,” Tim mutters, but tries to move more carefully.

Is John scared? Sure sounds like it. That is not comforting.

Tim reaches the back door. His hand is on the knob when the front door bangs open as though hit with a truck.

He gasps, cringing out of reflex. It’s followed by a deep sound, a growl, triggering every panicked chemical his lizard-brain has ever produced, and Tim suddenly feels about six inches tall and very afraid.

Tim!

More sounds. Something crunching. It is in the house.

Tim! MOVE! That was a roar, and it was inside his head, not behind him.

Tim slips out, closing the door behind him. Then he crouches on the back stair, clinging to the knob like a life-raft and shaking, and gasping, and frozen.

Your breathing is too loud. You’re going to give away our position.

“Fuck,” whispers Tim. “I’ve never run for my life before, okay?”

The slightest pause. The voice is even less patient. You’re doing fine. Now turn the fuck around and let me see where we are.

Inside the house, something crashes.

“Oh, gods,” Tim murmurs as he looks, fully on his knees now. His arms have gone weak.

Damn. That fence is too high. We’ll have to slip around the front.

“Sure, no problem, I’ll just slip around the front while totally blind. This’ll work great,” Tim mumbles.

Keep it together. We need to get away from here before they realize where you went.

Tim pictures the layout back here. He thinks about the windows, shades all up, curtains removed, lights bright and yellow in the night.

He crawls.

Good. Turn right. A little less. Good.

So at least he wasn’t going to ram into the house head-first.

The grass is half-dead, stubbly, and some of it is sharp. He hisses through his teeth, palms hurting.

Hurry.

“I am!” he whispers back.

Okay, stop. Lean forward just a little and let me—oh!

Tim doesn’t breathe. 

There are creatures going in and out of the house. They’re big; eyeless. Wolf-like jaws. Dark gray skin without fur or hair. Bipedal, though their front claws look prehensile. 

Tim makes one low, choked sound. “What the hell are they?”

Hunters. Servants of terrible things. Tightly: Next time I tell you to move, you need to do it faster. We were almost caught.

Tim frowns. Yeah, they were going to have to talk about this bossiness, or whatever it was, but this was definitely not the time. “Sure. Whereto?”

Something in his tone must give his irritation away, because John goes smooth again. If you reach the sidewalk and go left, we can get away from them. I suggest walking, not running. Try to stay calm. They will chase us if you act like prey. They will feel us and seek you out.

Oh, good. That was normal.

Tim reaches the sidewalk, and as he chooses to stand—to make himself more visible in order to be less obvious—he reflects that he’s never felt so brave in all his life.

There’s another crash in the house behind him.

Somehow, he walks, and doesn’t run, and remembers (barely) to breathe.

Easy. Adjust to your left. Very good, Tim. You’re doing fine.

“Don’t think I am,” says Tim, but he keeps walking. “Rideshare?”

I wouldn’t. The risk of having to wait in one place is too high.

Tim could tell the driver where to meet him up ahead, but the challenge of attempting that via an app he cannot see is suddenly too much. Just too much. “You know how addresses work?”

I do. Amusement again.

Tim could shake him. “Here’s mine.” And he walks, and John directs, and they take the long way back to his box-filled apartment.

#

John had no trouble navigating them back to Tim’s new rental (which doesn’t feel like home, but nowhere does).

Tim has so many questions. They feel bottlenecked in him, like panic has made the exit too small.

“Home, sweet home,” he mutters, locking the door by feel, switching on the light by habit, and walking blindly into his living room.

The first thing we’re going to—stop!

It came a second too late, and Tim trips on a box. “Ow.”

When I tell you to stop, you need to fucking stop.

There’s that impatience again.

No time like the present, he figures. “Look,” says Tim. “I’m probably in shock, or whatever, but we need to lay some ground rules. You may be a magical scary whatsit, but you’re in my head, and I’m the one with the body. You’re obviously used to bossing people around. That isn’t me. We’re sharing this situation, and I’d like a little more respect.”

Would you.

That was completely flat. Unreadable. A warning tone.

Tim’s not in the mood for taking shit right now. “It’s not a lot to ask.”

No, I suppose not, says John, still unreadable, still flat. Perhaps I should lay some ground rules, too.

John is absolutely building toward a tirade or threat or something. It’s like a trembling under the floor, warning of an approaching train.

Whatever.

Tim makes his way to the bathroom, hands out, finding boxes with his toes. “Yeah, well, go on, then,” he says. “Get it all off your chest.”

Tim, do you like being alive?

Oh, so they had gone from zero to sixty in two seconds flat. Cool, cool.

Out of habit, he turns on the bathroom light.

That grieves him because, of course, it’s pointless, and he leans in the door frame, feeling haggard. “Sure. Alive is just grand.”

There’s the tiniest pause.

So do I, says John, and he’s back to smooth. The flatness is gone, rage diverted, leaving a mental breeze in its wake because it had been so huge and heated. However, we will not be able to stay alive if you are going to be obstinate simply for the sake of being obstinate. Anything I tell you to do is for our mutual good, Tim. You’re going to have to trust me.

And Tim can absolutely feel that was not where John had been going to go.

John had changed directions. Gone from direct threat to… something else. Why?

Maybe it was because John got a look at his face in the bathroom mirror. Tim feels distinctly pitiful, not obstinate, and that probably shows. 

He sighs. “I’m not trying to be obstinate. I don’t know what’s happening. I’m afraid. This is… Look, three hours ago, I would have sworn in a court of law that magic wasn’t real, and there were no souls, or anything else. And here we are! All of a sudden, everything I know is wrong, and now I have to be afraid for my parents and my brother because there’s souls, and what the fuck does that even mean, and monsters are trashing the house I grew up in. I’m not doing great. All right?”

His cheeks feel tacky from tears, and he feels his way to the sink to wash it.

Of course, Tim. I understand. Sin and melted chocolate, all in his tone.

“I don’t like being manipulated, either,” Tim says, softly.

Who does?

Well, that was a response of some kind. Tim lets it go. “What time is it?” He shows John his phone.

Two thirty in the morning.

“Right. Am I safe to sleep? Can I do that?”

You should be. Nothing followed us here, though if you open that book again, I’m sure we’ll draw something.

“What book? I have no book. You’re talking nonsense.” He turns on the shower.

Then he considers turning off the light.

This was awkward. In fact, there were going to be a lot of awkward moments in a shared body with eyes he couldn’t control.

But in the dark, he’d have to try to find things entirely by touch, instead of John just saying, Shampoo is six inches higher, and that seems like a lot of work right now.

Tim sighs.

Do whatever you have to, Tim. It’s not as though I’m unfamiliar with bodies. Even human ones, says John with an eerily good guess.

Or maybe with experience. Maybe John had done this before, and knew what to expect from the start.

Tim files that away for later. “Yeah, well, you’re not the one putting on a peep show for a ghost,” he says. “Fuck it. We ball.” He strips and gets in.

It feels very good to wash off. He was positively rank; whatever happened when he opened that book had really put his body through it.

“So you’re not a demon,” he says, rinsing his hair.

No.

“Genie?”

Tim, I’m not going to tell you until after the Institute.

“Sure, sure,” says Tim, who might just be overtired, but he’s beginning to feel like maybe he handled all of this… okay, given the circumstances. “But a guy’s got to guess. I mean, unless you’re actually Satan, I don’t care that much. I just want to know.”

I am not actually Satan.Such amusement.

“Shame,” says Tim. “That voice would go great with horns. Like Tim Curry in Legend.”

John snorts.

Tim notes that John doesn’t ask what that is or who, and files it away for later, too. “Towel?” 

To your left. There.

“Thanks. So. Am I going the wrong way? More Tron, less Tinkerbell?”

Tim…

That is a sort of fond exasperation—something Tim is very good at creating—and he awards himself a point. “You’re a simulation? A.I. and nanobots, that kind of thing?”

For now, let’s just say a being.

“Ominous! Also vague as hell.” Towel hung, Tim marches out of the bathroom, nude and uncaring. “I’m still picturing horns, since you didn’t say otherwise. Kitchen?”

You may picture them, but think ‘antlers,’ branching toward the sky like lightning. More to your left. Boxes on both sides.

Also noted that John is too vain to let ‘horns’ go. (And possesses a level of inhumanity that is frankly upsetting, but Tim will not deal with it now.) “I hope you like peanut butter. I haven’t gone shopping yet.”

I won’t taste anything you eat. All I share is your eyes.

“That kind of sucks, doesn’t it? Though I guess it means if a monster chomps down on me, you won’t feel that, either.”

I won’t. But I will die if you do.

If true, that meant John would try to keep them alive. All right. “I don’t even remember if this place has curtains, or if I pulled the blinds, or anything,” says Tim with great cheer. “Hello, world.”

They are closed. You’re suddenly in quite a good mood.

“Probably the adrenaline. Or, just, you know, the whole surviving certain death thing. That was always Danny’s deal—adrenaline junky. I never saw the appeal.”

Yes. Danny… Do you know how he got involved with cultists?

“Nope. He always did normal crazy things, I thought. Mountain climbing. Skydiving. Sailing stupid distances.”

He sounds quite brave.

“He wasn’t, though?” Tim feels along the counter and finds the bag of bread left out a million years ago, when he’d had breakfast in a world he understood.

How so?

“You’ve got to feel fear to be brave,” says Tim. “He didn’t really feel it. Did all those crazy things just to feel something, you know?”

So you’re quite different.

“Can’t tell if that’s an insult,” Tim says, mouth full of sandwich. “Refuse to take it as one.”

Mm. I’m glad to see you’re eating. Who knows what kind of day we’ll have? You’ll need to keep up your strength.

Tim chooses to ignore the weird eagerness in thatdelivery. “I, for your information, want nothing more than to get good and drunk and pass out, but I won’t because I’d sleep late. I mean, the plan is to show up at the Institute when they open. Siri said eight a.m., and Chelsea is like… an hour from here by bus. Um. I don’t know where the mattress is.”

Not going to brush your teeth? John sounds amused.

Tim smacks his lips. “Yeah. Should. Help?”

He is directed.

“Do beings brush their teeth, too?” he says, fumbling for toothpaste.

No. We have spells for such things.

“Fucking convenient,” he says, and commits an act of oral hygiene.

He knows the peanut butter jar is low, which is a sign, he thinks. He has to get groceries soon, and he’ll need to see to do that, he thinks.

He can do this. He chooses to believe he’s going to get help tomorrow, and all of this is nearly over.

And then… what? Back to emptiness and job searching? Back to reaching for his phone to call Danny and remembering too late that he’s gone?

That thought does not feel good, but any concern he has that he won’t be able to sleep fades the moment his face hits the pillow. Falling asleep is like literal falling, taken by gravity and stress, and he is out.

[eddie-gluskin-and-i]

(TW for s*xual abuse, child abuse, discussions of possible neglect, misogyny, misandry, etc.)

Hey. No hate, but why do you hate on women so much? I know you had a very traumatic childhood but I could understand it more if you had a disliking or even a hatred of men since both of your abusers were awful men.. I’m not sure what your mom did or did not do or if she knew or didn’t know about your abuse but I can also understand it more if you’re mom just didn’t do anything and also abused you… I’m sorry if I’m hitting a nerve and coming off as judgmental here but I just want to understand. This is coming from a woman with past abuse and trauma and my abusers were mainly men and even though I am afraid of men and hate misogynistic men I don’t go around saying misandrist stuff about them. I just don’t think it’s ok to hate a whole gender because they don’t want to do something. These views are undated and hurtful. You can still want to be married and have kids, but it’s important to allow choices and respect people’s freedoms. I know it’s hard and I’m trying to have empathy for what you’ve been through and you deserved better. It’s not an excuse to what you did to all those people but it at least explains your actions. I just wished you were given more compassion in that asylum and that your parents and uncle raised you like a parent and uncle actually should. (I know you’re role playing, I just want to see how you’d think Gluskin would respond. Would he get defensive? Would he actually own up? Would he try to understand others POV? Could he even be reasoned with? Maybe not in canon. I’m not sure. I feel like if he was shown more compassion before the whole walrider experiment… it might be easier to get through to him but the second time you meet him maybe not so much… my own personal headcanon is that I’d like for him to at least try to be better. since I’m a woman and if I were in that Asylum I think at first, he’d may try to be sweet and maybe as long as I am very nice to him I can try to get through to him… I’d just have to be patient and maybe open up with my own traumas. Try to see where he’s coming from and be a source of comfort to him. Don’t get me wrong he has done horrible things and is a monster but to me I think I can try to listen to him. His whole life must had been terrible so I’ll try to teach him ways he can cope with his traumas in a healthy way and be the voice of reason if hope. And his treatment at mount massive was supposed to help him so maybe if he was given the proper help or encouragement maybe it’s help save him, he’s still a hanger but I feel like people deserves chances to get the right help to hopefully change their ways and have a semblance of being in a healthy state of mind and I’d encourage and support him. Sure there’s people who deserve to rot in jail or be kept in an institution, but I feel like in some cases people can be rehabilitated in the right circumstances. My headcanon is that all Eddie ever wanted was to be just that, loved, wanted, and safe. I just know canon Eddie post walrider incident might just kill me on the spot because of that one note stating ‘he’s making men into women just so he can kill them’ but idk how true it really is… so hopefully he isn’t too far gone… but who knows.. he’s known to get mad at even the slightest things… so what do you think? I kinda went on a tangent there but I really feel this way. I think early intervention might have helped him and he and his victims were failed for sure.)

Don’t be ridiculous. I’ve no idea what it is you’re talking about… I’m not a monster. I don’t hate women. Quite the opposite, in fact. I adored my mother just as I adored… everyone else in my family. They were nothing but loving to me.

The others, however - those who promised me love when all they thought about was leaving the first chance they got; those who pretended to be my soulmate, only to turn cold on me when they had had their fill. I gave them every ounce of my soul and the ungrateful little sluts made a fool out of me.

*Hm, I actually don’t know about this one. Definitely in over my head here regarding the intricacies of a traumatized/tortured mind. In my non-expert view, based on what we know, I don’t think he’d be able to acknowledge what he’s actually doing. There may be some conscience there, if we assume his denying his actions is a way of coping with the reality of being a murderer. Wouldn't make him a good person, and that was pre-Walrider, but maybe there was some chance of improvement.

I figure though that after the Walrider incident, whatever was left just snapped. He went from charming psychopath/could blend in with society to over-the-top gorefest slasher villain. Maybe not a complete lost cause, though? I mean even people irl who are “insane”/not mentally capable can be treated.

Again, not at all an expert. Just what I took from the game. Thanks for the thoughtful ask. As fun as this blog is, it’s good to reflect on the real-life, not at all fun topics involved.

[mesillusionssousecstasy]

Bad Surgeon

First of all, please do not watch this documentary while eating!!! You will definitively vomit. That's something that should have been mentioned at the beginning of the tv-show.

Also, thankfully this Dr has not operated on animals! It's even worse, they cannot understand the concept alone.

Furthermore, I don't understand how is it possible for this Dr to have been able to work for the Sweden hospital after what happened in the Italien one. Just doesn't make sense.

Also where does Dr. Macchiarini's money come from?? To have this incredible life style.

Question: is he a real Dr btw?

Some quotes:

"- No rats, no pigs, no animal experiments. That was a revealing moment for me because that was the only time when I could actually see a lie being manufactured in real time. If you really want to do a successful con, you have to do it slowly so that people almost don't notice what's going on." (Paolo - Episode 3)

"- I personally don't believe that it would have been possible for Macchiarini to do anything at all if the media would not have willfully participated in creating this lie. This was part of an orchestrated media campaign where many different people in different institutions in different countries had participated in the withholding of information, or sometimes even outright lying, uh, and how that turned into a web of lies." (Johannes - Episode 3)

"- As long as you are not... um, found guilty, you have the presumption of innocence." (Dr. Macchiarini)

"- We want miracle solutions to the horrible diseases that afflict us." (Episode 3)

"- I know that he said that his hands were instruments of God. Macchiarini was selling dreams. But he wouldn't be selling them if there weren't any buyers. It's not the conscious, evil actions of one man that lead to bad results. It is also the small cowardly non-actions. And they exist in each and every one of us. All the time." (Johannes)