#or should i be hospitalised | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

wolfavens · 1 year

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ghost car of barna road

track 2 - slop 1/2

i woke up early and stashed last night's bottle of whiskey into my backpack. the sky was a turbulent cyan, beyond the window of my childhood bedroom. aside from a single suitcase all my things were still in the car. there was no dress change until i brough the boxes in.

but coffe first.

i opened the door on a dark empty staircase, walked the 2 steps toward the creaking stairs, bumped my head on a decorative element, slipped, cussed, got to the kitchen and reached for the kettle just in time for an assault.

someone yelled and barelled towards me.

i threw the kettle at them.

glass and tiny elecrical parts scattered over the floor to my cried. “what the fuck, mom!!! what the actual fuck!!! jesus, for fuck’s sake!!!”

“fiadh?”

“yes!” i yelled, pushing my shaking hands into my hair while sampling the damage. “of course it’s me, who the fuck do you fucking think it could be?!!”

cool and collected my mother lowered the decorative giraffe statue she was armed with and smoothed out her mauve nightgown. “there are break-ins now, you know. dangerous criminal elements. the news said so.”

i glowered at her. “where would the fucking criminal element get the keys?”

“don’t cuss,’ she replied. then, turning to the stairs called up, “it’s fiadh, mark! tell the garda everything is alright, now”

i sighed, lowering my face into my palms while she stashed away her girrafe and enveloped me in a tight hug. her body felt warm and small. she used to be so much taller than me. she used to be taller than the world.

i pulled away, attempting a smile that felt short. “coffe?”

“oh, i’m afraid the kettle is busted.”

“i can use a top,” I proposed, opening a cupboard and looking in. i wondered where, among all this colourful junk, will i ever be able to stash my earless prague mug.

my mom pursed her lips. “well… they have kettles at lidl this week.”

i stopped and pulled my head back to look at her. if her face was any indication she was not fucking joking. “it’s quite early and…”

“they open in 4 minutes.”

“are you seriou…”

“yes, now that i think about it there is this one cyan option i've had my eye on…”

“mom, i didn’t have my coffee yet and this is just…”

“yes, baby,” she said in a very calming voice, pointing at a supermarket ad, ‘that is why we need the kettle, see? oh, and while you’re there maybe grab some eggs and rolls? i’ll make us a nice omellete.”

#simblr #ts4 story #s:gcbr #oc:fiadh #oc:ann marie #if you remember my writing vomit mid summer #yes it's the same writing #i started barna road in summer and got too excited #so i decided to put it out here #but also this was in my drafts because i couldn't do pics #for months #i still hate these pics but #man i want to share the good stuff #the brian stuff #so we need to push on lads #we push on ahahah #also ann marie is my mom and they should both be hospitalised lol

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hopeinthebox · 1 year

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bro i just have to tell you that every time i read the tags of a post that makes me laugh out loud i check to see if it’s from you and it ALWAYS is. you have a gift and i salute you 🫡

i don't know what to SAY bestie i'm printing it out i'm adding it to my cv i'm hospitalised for smiling giggling and kicking my feet <33

#drawing hearts around ur name in my journal as we speak #aaaaaaaaaaAAAAAA you've made my MONTH #you can't say things like this to me i have enough complexes as it is!!!! christ #anyway. we should wed #profuse apologies for the delayed response due to aforementioned hospitalisation #know that i will think of you every time i'm adding some of my worst tags to a post. this one's for nicki 🫡🫡🫡#i have a GIFT?!? you can get ur own in the dsm-5 #no but in all seriousness thank you ever so much for this i'm cackling #and i'm sorry #MWAH #jihopesjoint #ask #💜💜💜

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nikatyler · 1 year

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Second day at the grippy socks place and I'm thinking some of my OCs should canonically go through this as well. Hmm

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pinegreentea · 1 year

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Why why why

Am I self sabotagin so much again? I'm onto you, brain, you might be winning now...

#personal #like im scared of sleep again and instead of taking my sleeping meds i just stay up til 5 in the morning #and other things #tbh not doing great my dudes #my therapists say i should consider getting hospitalised again #but i really dont want to. like really really do not want to.#and i usually accept hospitalisations when its kinda already too late if u get what im saying #and my therapists say i should consider just going so I'll prevent another crisis #which makes sense but.. still nah #anyway #mental illness #actually mentally ill #actually schizo #actuallytraumatized #actually clinically depressed #actually autistic #actually schizoaffective #rant

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sadiiomane10 · 11 months

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#ive had about 3 breakdowns this week alone #not to mention all the mini panic attacks at any given time #idk wtf to do #my mental health is so bad #im either gonna end up dead from infection starvation or pills #idk wtf is wrong w me #i need help but idk what to do #this has been an ongoing theme for ages #this whole yr i havent caught a single break #ive always been severly depressed #but this i should be hospitalised level depression 🫥

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asiancatboy · 2 years

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i wish we lived in a world where talking about suicide and suicidal ideation wasn't so taboo, treated with the sensitivity it deserves but not overcautious to the point everyone affected feels like they can't reach out or talk for fear of being institutionalised against their will

#suicide #suicidal ideation #i've grown up passively suicidal for as long as i can rememeber and honestly me talking about suicide is rarely ever a cry for help #if anything it's the healthiest thing for me to do bc sure i don't actively want to die but bottling this shit up to keep everyone around #me comfortable at all times is isolating. and i don't mean talking about suicide like mid-breakdown wanting to die type talk like obv be #concerned there. but i wouldn't be able to talk about a passing thought or talk about my progress with combating said thoughts or even joke #about the fact i wanted to die today but didn't yay me without some bitch somewhere being like um actually that's so manipulative go to #therapy get a diary you are only making yourself worse by letting yourself think these things #like yes i agree. time place audience consideration & an understanding that the subject is sensitive & not always welcome. but also why is #that. could it be that our lack of willingness to talk about suicidality is contributing to the hostile reaction in the face of ppl who #experience it which leads to more involuntary hospitalisation and in turn makes vulnerable ppl feel worse and unsupported #society has failed us bad like they'll have everyone believe that the only way to deal with suicidality or severe mental health problems is #to lock everyone away and chalk it up to a chemical imbalance. not saying everyone should suddenly be fine with the topic or forget #how to be courteous with boundaries but i do believe we are collectively hurting ourselves by refusing to engage conversation entirely #7

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wayward-wren · 1 year

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Having very normal thoughts about Shawn Hunter and the Matthews family tonight

#wren rambles #boy meets world #flatmate is back!! !so we back on the binge baby #anywya finished season 4 #and absolutely LOVE how ready to throw hands all the adults--especially alan and feeny--were when shawn was getting targeted by that cult #GOSH if turner hadn't been hospitalised i think that cult leader dude would not have left unharmed #hmm maybe i should write a fic about that...... i think that whole scenario could be expanded upon in many fun ways #also love the unconditional acceptance into their family from the Matthews #vs Chet's main form of love being “go live with someone else they can give you a better life than me look at my big sacrifice :(#just- akdjfhasjkdhasdf #i wanna be that kind of parent who always has an extra chair at the table and a bed to spare #over all i think season 4 was mid #however there were a few absolute BANGER episodes #i have equally deranged thoughts about eric and feeny #but that's for another day

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international-repeater-station · 2 years

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mhh im gonna get hospitalised and. and its very inconvenient for my studying process and . kind of scary tee bee eich :(

#i'm like. sick. but in multiple ways. and they're hospitalising me for one thing #and not for my kidneys which are still v much hurting #and i also have an inflammation in my gums which may or may not be a big deal considering its placement #and i cant visit the dentist right away... and i am probably having a fever again from all inflamed things combined #(that's THREE of them)...#and i still can't measure my temperature and i dont eat enough and oughghh. how is my body still holding up #or. well. i guess badly considering that the inflammations keep happening #and i cant afford to eat enough and it's so dumb and scary and i can't stop thinking about it and ough.#living alone is tough but living alone in times like this is 100% tougher #well i should go to the hospital in like... friday. i hope i'll be ok till then :'(#Everything Happens.... So Muche .#(and hurts too. scary. very very scary)#.txt

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existentialcrisisetcetera · 1 year

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Hope you’re doing alright, feel better soon

who the fuck are you and how do you know whats been going on

#if thats the asshole i think it is fuck off #for context ive been hospitalised lately and the only people who know in detail whats been going on are people im messaging #any online just-acquaintances only know from from friends talking about what theyve heard from me #or from me when delirious sending the message ''hospital'' to like half the servers im in #so anon here either could be contacting me directly via messages. since mine are open to anyone on servers besides people i have blocked #they could just not know about that and be a genuine kind acquaintance wishing me well and doing it on anon bc theyre shy or w/e #OR theyre the ex-friend i have blocked and i know from screenshots my friend sent me is saying shit like ''i know them theyre just like thi #and who i know from the same screenshots has been looking at my blog despite again being blocked #you might think im overreacting but idk i think i should be allowed to be pissed at someone who - forgetting our issues -#did some fucked up shit to my friend including block dodging to talk to them after said friend blocked them for repeatedly triggering them #something said friend mentioned as being why they were leaving in their parting messages #fucking with me ill get over. fucking with my friends i will ALWAYS be willing to throw hands over #anyway yeah if thats the motherfucker i think it is get the fuck out and never speak to me again #if it's not: thanks? i think?

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aneurizma · 2 years

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When your neurological disorder becomes 90% worse overnight but at least you get a pass for wearing sunglasses everywhere #slay

#vampire complains #my sight got 40% worse and basically gone overnight how fun #and now my trip to portugal is compromised if it's neurological and i had to cancel a tattoo i was sooo excited about #and everything hurts my eyes and life is just great #another emergency ophtamology appointment tomorrow and then if they find nothing wrong emergency neuro appointment #if they hospitalise me there is no way i will get out in time for portugal :(#and like yeah health should ve number 1 but like i was so happy about so many things and now this jist came crushing down #chornic illnesses are made from hell #sunglasses are for photophobia to explain the post

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ntll · 2 years

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going for a drive to microdose on exposure to the public

#i should be hospitalised probs but w/e

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toyourliking · 2 years

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when i went off my meds when i was living alone i isolated myself for like 3 months cause my intrusions got so bad i was convinced that i couldn't be around people because i was too dangerous.

but yeah like "eat leaf" "dye hair" totally........

#no i will not detail my intrusions 💕 love and light #i don't want to get Cancelled for having Symptoms #in retrospect i should have been hospitalised alsghdflghsldg

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ersatz-anomaly · 3 months

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You know what really stings? Hearing nigh universally one of the first things people list as a trait in a partner be “Tall”

#even from friends this is one of the top mentioned traits #not everyone is born with the right genes to grow to be tall #some of us are short #but when you hear that that’s one of the top things people are looking for #again #and again #and again and again and again #time after time my whole fucking life #bc what can one even do if your height will get you automatically excluded in another’s mind as potentially worth a shot #heh #may I *should* just get piss drink and be happy nobody wants my autistic ass #even my mum is often telling me she wishes she could just do her life completely differently from the start #and basically that she wishes she never had me #well sorrrry you chose to keep me but fuck how can you not realise #telling your child you wish they were never born #time and time again FUCKING ADDS TO THE LIST OF DAMAGE FROM OTHER PEOPLE THROUGHOUT MY FUCKING LIFE #WHY #SHY WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT SHIT KNOWING I HAVE DEPRESSION AND ALREADY WISH I WASNT BORN #AND A HISTORY OF SUICIDE ATTEMPTS AND A CASE OF HOSPITALISATION #CUZFUdysruauraruauraristisaaaaaaaaaargh #personal #don’t reblog #please or I’ll skin you alive and bathe you in salty lemon juice #sorry I’m unstable emotionally at the moment #ignore me #or shoot me that’d work swell

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confinesofmy · 6 months

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last time i spent real time with my cousins i decided i would limit my interactions with them to "upon request" only, like no more initiation, only acquiescence, and even then saying no at the slightest hint of a scheduling conflict. now i'm not even sure about that. i walked in on my older cousin shit-talking me to my younger one after i'd left the room for like. one minute lol. then got love-bombed for the next hour and a half to try and make me forget that i'd heard that. now tomorrow i have to go back because it's the holiday. except i was already dreading it and hate the christian god anyway so it's like. 🤨 do i? lol. do i need to go back....

#i will 😑 but i don't think i should 😑#it wasn't bad shit-talking she just called me a know it all because my little cousin had directly asked me a question & i answered in-depth #it just speaks to how she really feels about me and how willing she is to trash me behind my back #even if my back is like. right there.#it also speaks to how when she's stressed out she lashes out at any and all targets #she also hollered at one of my other cousins and generally was a nightmare to be around for about an hour there #because she's worried about her health problem she's ignored too long #and about my baby cousin who was just hospitalised for hella low o2 sat levels #so i guess bullying me was just a stress reliever for her 😑 love that and love to be around that type of person frrrr 😑#adam yaps

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frumdyke · 6 months

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not being very responsible about my diabetes tonight but thats okay im sure ill be fine and wake up normal

#by which i mean there is a decent chance i wont wake up but thats a problem for future me #so harddddd to do my body's job for her. thang don't work. and brain dont work. what am i supposed to do #im still going down with no explanation according to sensor. so i really should do a blood test or set an alarm or something #i wont 👍#super fun that the times when diabetes needs the most attention is when im sick. and eepyyyyyy #cus like im still fantasising about bwing hospitalised so other people can manage my diabetes for me #and i could be spending that time fantasising about vore or something yknow #but it would be funny to spend my diaversary (next week) in hospital. for the lols #debbie tees

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honeyednights · 1 year

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#death cw #cancer cw #dying grandmother cw #so from the tags you probably already know what this little rant/diary entry is about #so my nans cancer returned this summer after many years and it quickly got worse #so when i came back from my summer holiday i travelled up to her and spent a week with my grandparents and that was so nice (and sad ofc)#but it was like already thought that she probably wouldn’t have like a year left but rather months #and she’s gotten worse but not like she’s dying right now worse but a gradual thing since july right #and i was supposed to travel up last week but i got ill with a corona/cold/the flu kinda thing and that’s obvi an absolute no to be around #and this week she was hospitalised but i didn’t stress too much about it bc she’s been so a few times with infections etc #and then this morning my mum called and said i should get up as quickly as possible #so three hours later i was on the flight to them and like almost crying with regualr intervals and i managed to hold it together and not #break down on the train nor on the flight #and i got to the hospital and just… seeing how badly she’s doing and that she’s going to die within the next few days is just….#like we’re superclose we’ve always been superclose she’s my closest grandparent #and like these months of knowing she’s going to die soon and grieving her while she’s alive and okay has just been so weird #and i’ve been sad but also a little bit pushing away the thought that she’s dying while preparing myself #so it’s felt like unreal but a little real you know?#anyways the whole family is here and so when i got to the hospital we all sat in the room and a i cried a few tears here and there #after a while i got some alone time with her ans i just broke down #like i tried to talk but i just kept crying and not being able to control my voice and i hate that feeling so much #my nan can talk and she’s there but she doesn’t have the energy to lead the conversation #but we said we love eachother so much and she was very comforting while i had my breakdown #which btw i have a raging headache from crying so much<3 it really helps the situation i think to have a headache as well #anyways i feel bad that i didn’t say more or had anything in particular to say #but she said that’s fine and that she didn’t have a lot to say either but she loves me so much and it’s just #like i know this is grieving and being sad about death and it’s heartbreaking to see her this bad and i’ll be fine life will keep going but #her not being around is just Not Right at all #i’m just sad and i want to be comforted but i don’t want to at the same time and just i don’t know #i’m just sad and a mess idk sorry to anyone if they read all this

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